#also that fact that people who definitely do no need it

[imsobadatnicknames2]

ok but i need the evrart claire essay

Okay just be warned that this is gonna be less of an "essay" and more of a loose collection of thoughts, and I don't know how fresh or novel any of these ideas are going to be when it pertains to popular Disco Elysium fan discourse because I don't really do fandom, you know?

Anyway, I think the most obvious factet of Evrart's character is how he very intentionally calls to mind a caricature of corrupt union leaders, the image of a sleazy mobster who only cares about his own personal gain but pays lip service to leftist politics and pretends to care about the interests of workers as a way to obtain and maintain his power. And I think a lot of people straightforwardly read him as such, because that's the way he carries himself and the type of character the game is riffing on. There's also the question of how much of Evrart's manipulative, duplicitous attitude is just how he normally acts and how much of it is him specifically acting that way towards Harry and Kim specifically, it's important to have in mind that your main character is a cop and that would definitely play a role in making Evrart go out of his way to be a bit more of a bastard and toy with you a bit before he decides to actually do anything helpful.

However, once you dig a little deeper into his characterization, it becomes clear that he's pulling a very interesting double bluff, because it becomes apparent that the shady mobster who only cares about his personal gain is an act he's putting on. He's very self-aware about the fact that he's playing the villain, he seems to actively revel in it, but ultimately, it seems like he does it because playing the villain is the way he gets shit done.

This is not to say he's not actually corrupt, or that he's not ALSO involved in all sorts of shady stuff and taking advantage of his position of power, but the game does make it apparent that on some level he DOES have the interests of the people of Martinaise at heart.

For example, it is textually stated that the harbor doesn't need a night watchman, and Evrart created the position specifically to provide a source of income for René. He knows the pension Rene gets is not enough for him to live on, but he's also aware that René is the sort of right-wing guy who would rather starve to death than take a handout (especially from those dirty union commies), so Evrart created a job position which pretty much involves doing nothing for a few hours every night so he could help him with his economic troubles in a way he wouldn't refuse out of principle. René hates his guts, ideologically stands against everything his organization represents, and is generally an unlikeable asshole and a fascist prick, but he's also a disadvantaged member of the community and that seems to matter more.

Even when he asks you to get the signatures to build the community center, which is definitely one of the most morally questionable things he does during the events of the game (as it will improve the community, but at the same time displace the people from the fishing village), his intentions seem to be ultimately good. Due to the very nature of his character and the act he puts on, it's purposefully hard to tell when he's being sincere and when he's being manipulative. However, if Harry's drama and empathy skills are high enough when he's confronted about it, you'll be able to tell that he's not lying about his motives for wanting to build a community center or about the fact that he intends to provide better housing for the people displaced by the project, and that he feels genuine rage about their current living conditions. It can still be said that he's ignoring their self-determination and essentially forcing these people out of their current homes, but he does seem to have good intentions and think he's doing a good thing for them in the long run, even if his methods are morally questionable at best.

In that way, the Union is an extension of him in this regard too. They're pretty unapologetic about the fact that they're openly operating as a crime syndicate, but the game doesn't give you any reasons to believe they're lying when they say they're doing it as a way to muslce out all the more dangerous gangs and crime organizations out of Martinaise, or that their involvement in the drug trade is at least partially motivated by a desire to make sure it's not controlled by more dangerous and violent crime organizations. Again, they're playing the villain as a way to fill that power vacuum and make sure more dangerous people don't fill that role (but of course, that doesn't erase the fact that, noble as their intentions may be, they're still involved in all these shady activities and turning a pretty substantial profit from them too)

Of course, on the other hand, just because the game seems to hint at the fact that Evrart and the Union are, deep down, a force for good, doesn't erase the fact that he's done plenty of bad shit to further his interests, and the game doesn't shy away from this. He's still extremely corrupt, his long-term plan to wrestle control of the harbor away from the company and turn it into a worker-owned operation (which *would* massively improve the material conditions of the dockworkers if succesful) involves endangering the lives of a lot of his own workers, he and his brother Edgar pass the position of union foreman back and forth between each other to circumvent the term limit and keep themselves in power indefinitely, and if you explore all dialogue options with the Deserter it's all but explicitly stated that they rose to power by getting him to assassinate the previous Union forewoman.

These are things that Evrart himself would probably rationalize as sacrifices that need to be made for the greater good. After all, it is implied that the previous union forewoman was also corrupt, except in favor of the company's interests, and might have even been a company plant. However, this doesn't make those things morally right. Good intentions nonwithstanding, it's clear that the Claire brothers are very "the ends justify the means" kind of people, they probably see getting the previous Union leader killed or endangering the lives of the dockworkers to overthrow the company that exploits them as "pulling the lever" in the trolley problem, which is extremely callous at best.

Here's where we get a little more into "disjointed thoughts" territory, but Evrart can also be seen as a critique of the limits of trade unionism and social democrat politics. Something that I completely missed in my first playthrough but was able to catch on during my second is that the people of the fishing village refuse to unionize, and as a result they don't get the same level of support and protection that the union provides to the people of the more urban section of Martinaise. This is apparently widely known enough for characters other than Evrart to comment on (I forget what character I learned this from, but it was definitely not Evrart). So it's clear that Evrart and the Union put their interests of the members of their own organization over those of other working class people, which is one criticism that can be leveraged against the way a lot of leftists seem to treat unions as the ultimate tool for worker class liberation.

Similarly, when Evrart tells you his long-term plans, it's clear that his ultimate goals don't involve complete worker liberation. As far as the game shows, he's a socdem who's still looking to work within the confines of capitalism. There are more radically left wing characters in Disco Elysium, but Evrart is the only one with any actual power to affect change, which kinda speaks to the lack of presence of more hardline leftist positions in mainstream politics. As someone living in Latin America, I kinda ended up seeing a bit of a lot of our currrent socdem politicians in him in that respect, I guess, but i'd need more time to articulate this thought properly, I guess.

Ultimately, I think Evrart is an amazingly crafted character. He evokes a well-known archetype of a shady, corrupt, power-hungry union leader, but he adds a lot of depth, self-awareness, and nuance to it and subverts that characterization in several ways. I think he atually serves an important role of ideologically challenging players who share the developers' and writers' political leanings. I think it would have been very self-congratulatory and autocomplacent to make the most influential leftist character in the game an unambiguously good paragon of workers' rights and working class liberation. By instead giving us someone who's an absolute callous bastard who definitely has a bit of blood on his hands, who's a socdem at best and a self-serving mob boss at worst, but can ultimately be interpreted as a force for good, and asking the players to decide what they think of him I think it brings interesting questions to the table of our commitment to material gains, what sorts of people we're willing to work with, and the sort of acts we're willing to tolerate, and makes the game a lot more thematically rich.

I also think a good analysis of Evrart is incomplete without an analysis of the ways in which he serves a a charater foil for Joyce, but I don't feel like getting into that rn.

[eclipsing-winter]

i never cared much for sky but her participation this season is not only stunning – she looks ethereal, obviously, due to the hexcore, but i also feel like in this form we can see her in a more confident stance in comparison to her shyer self during s1 – but impactful as well. we all know her as viktor and jayce's assistant and in many ways she still is portrayed as someone who aids viktor on his journey in this new arc. she's constantly pushing him further to explore his horizons and ideas, while also making him stop and see what his limits are – even though he sort of ignores this in order to help/analyze vander.

we don't know for sure if that's actually sky's counciousness after being absorbed into the hexcore, if that's an extension of his own mind, if that's another being within the arcane that took the form of someone close to viktor, or if that's his own guilt projected as something good, something useful – maybe as something wicked that hasn't been fully uncovered yet. all we know is that she's there and she's certainly playing a big part this season whether we like it or not (i certainly do).

for me tho, last but not least, i think it's really amazing the attention to detail considering the fact that, when sky died, all there was left of her was her glasses. and now that she's seen again – if that's even sky – we dont see a glimpse of her glasses for even a second. this particular detail keeps bugging me cause it could be a direct reference to this moment, that the last time we saw her she lost her glasses in the middle of all that, but it could possibly be a nod to the fact that viktor's been using his newfound powers to heal people and, technically, if she/this form/this being doesn't need glasses like sky did, then it represents yet another person that he's helped (if that's what you can call it). maybe it could even be both !!!!! idk if im looking into things a little too much as a myopic girlie myself but i definitely like to think about those little things as something the writers and animators considered when designing sky's appearance this season.

"Sky is boring"

"They didn't give me a reason to care for her"

"She is such a self insert"

YALL ARE BORING!!!!! NONE OF YOU WOULD'VE SURVIVED FANDOM EARLY 2010S!!! NONE OF YOU THINK CRITICALLY OR CAN MAKE SHIT UP! "We know nothing about her, so fuck her." OKAY?! MAKE IT UP. READ BETWEEN THE LINES A BIT INSTEAD.

I'm sorry, but for real, you people are delusional. This is easily the most interesting dynamic right now in Arcane. Viktor NEEDS her. WHY? STOP ARROACHING THE QUESTION WITH ANNOYANCE AND INSTEAD THINK. What is SHE?! Is she the Arcane? Is she the guilt? Is she him? Is she a manifestation of the person he wishes she was? Is she herself just projected into the Arcane?

Today I had 3 conversations about Sky and what she is. All of them were fucking crazy good points of views.

OPEN YOUR MINDS A BIT. Stop expecting to be spoon fed. Some things CAN be up to interpretation and they don't have to be explicitly explained. To me, it's beyond romance. It's worship. He needs her because he needs something to believe in and she believed in him unconditionally. But that's what I think! CREATE STORIES, THINK.

Don't be fucking empty, passive watcher.

[perfectlyvalid49]

Sorry for grossing you out but uh, I have a complex claim to a lot of religions and cultures because of how colonialism (arguably Israel is a settler colony state so uh… hmmm) has impacted me.

As you’ve ascertained (correctly) I’m a non-Jewish American, only by technicality, because I haven’t found a rabbi that will even support the fact that I’m gay and the “three asks” thing feels like a troll move which feels… homophobic???

I need you to seriously consider how my life has been negatively influenced (hence the circumcision poll) by a bastardized JEWISH practice, and what the fuck that means for my identity as it feels like fate to some degree and a bit offensive that you would yuck my ability to find yum in Yhwh or w/e because I’m… too much of a faggoy? Idk man… just asking questions. I’d love to clarify your response in a dm since its… a lot. Not meaning to offend just sick of being put in a box because my circumcision and mother aren’t “right” enough to be in the in club because Hekate or Satan or whatever swooped in and said “NOPE” 🙃

Cheers

Trying to understand Israel through the lens of settler colonialism is a failing proposition. Consider the following:

Jews are indigenous to Israel. We have a historical record that says they’re from there in both the Greek and Roman written record. Like there is as much if not more evidence of Jews in Israel in Roman writing as there is of Julius Caesar being a real person. We also have archaeological evidence. Israel is covered with digs that find evidence of Jewish life dating back 2,000-3,000 years. We also have genetic evidence. DNA studies have shown that even super white looking Ashkenazi Jews have significant portions of DNA that are most closely related to other groups from the southern Levant.

So to call Jews settlers either denies all that evidence, insists that indigenous people can be settlers on their own land, or posits that indigenous people can somehow lose their status as indigenous if you wait long enough. The first is anti-intellectual and antisemitic, the second is ridiculous and the third is a dangerous line of thinking for all indigenous people. How long before Native Americans no longer have a claim to their land? How long before Maori no longer have a claim? It’s not really a place we want to go.

As for colonial, the definition of a colony is “a country or area under the full or partial political control of another country, typically a distant one, and occupied by settlers from that country.” So which country controls Israel? I think we’ve seen over the last year that it’s not the US given the way Bibi has repeatedly blown off Biden, so who is it? Which country is sending settlers to control the area? Again, it’s not the US. While some American Jews make Aliyah every year, the vast majority of Jews in Israel are either from Europe or the Middle East. To be a colony, you have to be a colony of some other power. What is the other power here?

So we can see that Jews are neither settlers nor colonizers. But you know who did colonize the area? Arabs. Arabs are indigenous to the Arabian peninsula, not Israel. And in the 7th century, Arabs came from the Arabian peninsula into Israel (and other places), conquered the locals and did their best to eradicate their cultures, forced conversions to the conquering religion, and settled in the new lands while being under the political control of the far away Caliphate. Sounds like settler colonialism to me. So if we must understand someone in the area as colonial (and I still don’t think it’s the best way to look at things, but if you do) then it’s the people that Palestinians are descended from.

Having said all that, just because colonialism has impacted you, it doesn’t mean you have a complex claim to Judaism. Here are ways you can have a complex claim to Judaism: 1) your father is Jewish and your mother is not, 2) you have Jewish ancestors who were forced to convert and you are now trying to reconnect with the religion that was taken from them. I don’t know your history, so it’s possible that one of those is true. But if you have no Jewish ancestry, then your claim is not complex, it’s non-existent, and if you do have Jewish ancestry but your ancestors willingly left the tribe, then you don’t really have much of a claim either. That doesn’t mean you can’t convert, but given that you seem to think you have claims on other aspects of Judaism as a non-Jew, my gut reaction is to be very doubtful toward your claim on Judaism in general.

If you can’t find a rabbi to support your conversion because you’re gay, you’re looking in the wrong places. The senior rabbi at my synagogue is gay, and we have several queer families as part of the congregation. There are literal signs on the door to the main office that say Trans and Queer Jews welcome here. This doesn’t mean that all congregations are welcoming, but lots are.

The three asks thing is a metaphor that some rabbis take literally. Converting to Judaism is a big decision. The three asks are to make sure that you’ve really thought about it and are really sure – that you’re taking it seriously and thought through all the consequences. If that feels like trolling to you, then maybe Judaism isn’t a good fit. Honestly, from my interactions with you this week, I would bet that the rabbis you’ve met with haven’t said no because you’re gay, they’ve said no because you don’t seem super interested in taking on Jewishness, you just want to take from it instead.

I don’t know what happened with your circumcision. If it went wrong and it was done by a mohel then you can feel angry toward the Jewish people I guess, but I would want to know why your parents had a bris for you if they weren’t planning on raising you Jewish. If you were just circumcised as a medical procedure, as many American babies are, then you may have trauma related to it, but you don’t need to be taking it out on the Jewish people, which is exactly what that poll was doing.

Don’t write down those four letters. Don’t try to pronounce them either. We have asked, repeatedly that people not do that, and once again, the fact that you are is super disrespectful to Jewish people. Write G-d, or God if you must, or even Hashem (I don't think goyim should, but it's better than what you did), but not those four letters. It’s not yucking your yum. You are allowed to enjoy what you want. But what you are doing here is the equivalent of coming into my house and saying that because my dinner looks delicious you can just reach onto my plate with your bare hand, scoop up some of what I’m eating, take a bite and throw the rest back. It’s disrespectful and offensive. I am not objecting to your joy, I’m objecting to your lack of respect to my culture.

Being Jewish is about more than just being circumcised and having the “right” mother. There is a culture here that you need to understand. If you are raised in it, then you get to join the club that way. If you’re not, then you can put in the work to learn it and learn to be respectful of it and join the club that way. So far, you haven’t been able to find a rabbi that thinks you’re willing to do that work, and from what I’ve seen, I’m willing to agree.

[bucketbueckers]

accounting - azzi fudd

pairing: azzi fudd x fem!reader (no use of y/n) wc: 2.8k synopsis: you're watching kk and the rest of the team fool around on live when azzi fudd walks in asking for an accounting tutor. deciding to humor it, you're surprised to find that azzi was completely serious, and even more surprised when your offer leads to something more between the two of you. notes: in honor of azzi fudd hoops last night - i was supposed to have this up before the game but i forgot i had a three hour lab and unfortunately i will not write fanfiction in the middle of the university food court. first tumblr post, lmk if we're rockin w it 🙂‍↕️

You’re settling into bed to unwind for the night when you get the TikTok notification.

KK Arnold has gone live!

For the better part of your day, you’ve had your nose in the books, trying to get ahead of your weekly homework. You have a terrible habit of letting most of it pile up during the week and finishing it all over the weekend. As an accounting major, you didn’t really have fun weekend plans, anyway, but it would be nice to lay in bed all day and not worry about something that was due at 11:59. You only had three classes today: managerial accounting, intro to auditing, and intermediate accounting. It wasn’t a rigorous schedule by any means; you were done and out of classes by lunchtime, but after two and a half hours of listening to your professors drone on, you were ready for the nap you couldn’t afford to take due to your piles of homework. 

Seeing the live notification is enough to remind you that you aren’t really that tired, so you click on it. KK’s face fills the screen and she’s unboxing Crumbl cookies. You say a silent prayer for the girls – Crumbl tasted terrible and that was a hill you were willing to die on. Paige sat behind KK, with Ayanna, Jana, Kayla, and a few other players milling about off-camera. For a painful few minutes, KK tries her best to get everyone’s attention so she can narrate about whatever monstrosity of a cookie they’re eating, but everyone’s laughing too hard to fully lock in.

Ayanna leaves to get a knife so KK can cut the cookies evenly. KK entertains the live while Ayanna is away, singing, chatting, and interacting with commenters. When Ayanna finally returns, she has the knife, but Azzi also trails behind her - a fact that the live is definitely appreciative of. “Oh, my God, look who it is!” KK intones in a shrill voice, much to Azzi’s clear bewilderment. You’ve never seen an expression of such confusion on someone’s face before. “It’s Azzi Fudd!”

Azzi buries her face in her hands and moves off-camera as everyone laughs. KK’s voice softens as she asks, “Azzi, wanna try a cookie?”

“No,” Azzi whines.

KK’s entire expression shifts, and admittedly, yours does, too. It’s no secret that Azzi was almost nationally known as the people’s princess. Perhaps you’d have to fight someone. You hope that no one’s actually done something wrong to her – first of all, you can’t even fathom the idea. It’d be like kicking a puppy. Second of all, you were just someone, along with 13,000 other viewers, watching the team interact behind a screen. You were sure that Azzi’s team would handle business, although you were willing to step in if needed, too, even if you stood a solid six inches shorter than Azzi herself. “What happened?” KK asks. Paige echoes her question.

“Ask the live if anyone can tutor me in accounting,” Azzi says forlornly.

You don’t think she’s serious until KK turns back just in time for the cowboy hat to return. “Hey, y’all! Is there anybody who’s really good at accounting for Azzi Fudd? Please send help. If you do have someone who’s really good at accounting, please DM me at k2times TikTok or at kamoreaarnold Instagram or at azzifudd Instagram! Thank yew.” The room dissolves into giggles as KK continues, “And if you DM me with edits or anything else but accounting help, I will block! Thank yew.”

You have the time today, so you switch over to Instagram as the live continues in the background, and you go to Azzi’s page and hit the Message option. You doubt she’ll see it, let alone respond, but as an accounting major, it’s basically your civic duty to help those in need, especially since you know these classes are hell.

hey do u actually need accounting help? i major in it!

Satisfied, you click back over to the live just in time for Azzi to comment, “KK, I might actually have a tutor,” she says in near disbelief. You think nothing of it as KK turns her head, humming at Azzi. “Wait, I think she’s in my class.”

That manages to catch your attention. Sure, you’re watching a live with a couple thousand people on it, but how many of those people are accounting students at UConn who happen to share a class with Azzi Fudd?

An Instagram notification pops up on your screen as Paige leaves the camera frame to most likely peer over Azzi’s shoulder. You’re shocked again to see Azzi has DM’ed you back.

Yes please this homework is killing me Are you in ACCT3201 with Cansler??? I recognize you

Discovering just how unobservant you are should not come as a great surprise. Apparently, you’ve been sharing a class with Azzi Fudd this entire semester and you didn’t even realize it. This is easily the most embarrassing moment of your entire life.

i am i can’t believe i didn’t know u were in it i’m a lot better at accounting than i am at paying attention, i promise

This draws a giggle from Azzi that you can hear over the live. It makes a flush rise on your cheeks. The fact that Azzi Fudd knows who you are combined with the fact she’s laughing at your jokes is enough for a feeling of anticipation to twist in your chest. This is your life now, apparently.

“Azzi is cheesing so bad,” KK teases. You can’t help but feel a little pride at that. “Who’s chatting her up right now? Lemme invite you. Accounting rizz is insane work.”

“Don’t scare away my tutor,” Azzi grumbles, coming back into view of the camera. True to KK’s words, a faint blush has settled on her cheeks. Feeling far too smug, you comment on the live, ‘calling it rizz is crazy, i’m just helping the people.’ Azzi’s eyes scan the screen before rolling slightly. “Look at what you did, KK.”

“Is that her?” KK shrieks. She leans in closer to the screen, blocking out much of the background. “Oh, she fine. Lock in, Azzi; she can help you with more than accounting.”

At that, you and Azzi both blush a deep scarlet red and Azzi turns on her heel. “Goodbye, KK!” The room dissolves into rambunctious laughter as Azzi walks out, calling, “I’m going to finish my homework!”

A moment passes before Azzi messages you again.

I’m so sorry about KK, she’s feral

You swipe away from the live again, grinning slightly. In your DMs, the typing bubbles appear for a few short moment. You heart her most recent message in the meantime.

Will you please help me? I genuinely don’t understand what I’m doing wrong

Yes, you’ve spent most of the day in classes and doing homework. Yes, you’re tired. Yes, you really only joined the live to unwind. But when Azzi asks for help, you can’t really say no to her.

of course, are u working on this week’s homework set?

Her affirmative response is swift, telling you what she’s having trouble with. Your fingers hesitate on your screen, trying to figure out how to put your thoughts into words before settling.

i know this is incredibly forward but would u want to ft? i can explain better verbally

Azzi sends you her number. After tonight’s events, you really shouldn’t be surprised anymore, but you can’t help it. Azzi is a nationally (and internationally) recognized college basketball player and, until now, you were just a girl who watched her team’s TikTok lives and cheered in the student section. Azzi had seemed so untouchable, by virtue of her celebrity and your lack thereof; it’s hard to believe you’re this close to her now, even if it’s just to help her with accounting homework.

The two of you talk well into the night, even hours after Azzi submits her problem sets successfully and she understands the material. You feel like you get to see a side of her so rarely seen by other people who aren’t her teammates. She’s softer, with a beaming smile on her face when she finally understands a difficult concept. There’s something so alluring about the way she speaks that you can’t help but listen to every single thing that comes out of her mouth, ranging from her frustrated rants to the smoothness of her giggle. The lamplight reflects off of the lenses of the glasses perched on her nose and you think she’s so incredibly beautiful – bare-faced and slightly delirious from staying up so late.

When the two of you finally hang up half past three, you can’t wipe the smile off your face, and somehow, you just know that this is the start of something new.

From then on, your friendship with Azzi all but flourishes. She’s incredibly sweet, soft-spoken, and so deliberate in the way she moves and speaks to you. When your next accounting class rolls around, she finds the seat next to yours, asking to sit there with an almost shy expression. When there’s lulls in the lecture, you entertain her with jokes, drawing red-cheeked giggles that she has to stifle. You’re almost like her personal TA, sitting next to her and clarifying concepts that she doesn’t understand. It helps you, too; the best study advice you’d ever received was to teach it to someone else. 

Your friendship progresses outside of the lecture room and outside of your texts. You both spend a lot of time in the library, studying in peace together or enjoying lunch in each other's company. You always thought Azzi was gorgeous, but now that you know her on a far more personal level, falling for her was a near guarantee. The far-away admiration transformed into something pure, genuine. You couldn’t imagine Azzi returning those feelings — she’s far too busy, too committed to ball — so you keep your rapidly growing crush close to your chest. 

You’ve always showed up to the UConn games, though there’s something distinctly different about them now. Azzi was never one for grand celebrations or trash talk in the way Paige was. She was intentional and lowkey, which is why you feel like you could float when she makes direct eye contact with you in the student section, throwing up three fingers to celebrate a particularly deep three. It’s why you cheese when she finds you after the game, after she’s showered and changed, and asks if you want to get ice cream with her. The better question was how could you refuse?

Azzi deliberates between vanilla and cookie dough for a long while before settling on the latter. Even as the clerk fills her bowl, she stares at the the vanilla and your choice of ice cream becomes obvious. Azzi stares at you as the clerk fills your bowl with vanilla. “What? It’s my favorite flavor,” you lie, and her lips quirk up as she studies you. 

“Said literally no one ever,” she says wryly. The clerk hands you the bowl and Azzi swipes her card before you have the chance to even contemplate otherwise. When you stare at her in disbelief, her smile widens and all fight leaves your body. What were you supposed to do about that? You were a puddle for pretty women — a puddle for Azzi, honestly — and your resolve should be commended for maintaining months of friendship with Azzi. 

The two of you find a secluded booth towards the back of the ice cream shop. Azzi shares her midterm grade — a solid 100, and you whistle lowly. “I got an 89,” you say, not hurt by it at all. As long as it was above an 80, you could care less. “You sure you still need me?”

Azzi swirls her ice cream around her bowl, suddenly quiet. The realization dawns on you immediately. Your words were meant to be a joke, but the truth to them stuns you. You really hoped Azzi would say, ‘of course not, it’s not like that!’ but her silence keeps you guessing. 

“I have a confession to make,” she says after a beat, finally glancing up at you. The vulnerability and nervousness makes your heart fall out of your ass. “Promise it won’t make anything weird?”

You open your mouth just to close it again. You clear your throat. “Promise, Az,” you say finally. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” she says quickly. “Um, so here’s the thing. I struggled a lot with the first problem set. You know, the one I needed the tutor for?” You nod, confused by her words. “You helped a lot. And, like, I haven’t really needed actual tutoring in weeks. I just really liked spending time with you.” You blink at her. She stares at you right back, brows furrowed with guilt and her doe eyes wide. “I’m sorry. You must feel like I wasted your time.”

At that, you can’t help but laugh, and Azzi pouts. “Az. I thought you were about to dump me,” you explain. “Plus, I kinda figured after a while we were just like, studying together, and not me actually tutoring.”

She sighs, burying her face in her hands. You laugh again, pushing your leftover ice cream towards her. Azzi glances up again, her eyes soft and fond. “I guess I just wanted an excuse for you to stick around.”

“You never needed one,” you tell her honestly, and a blush creeps up her neck. 

“You’re not really picking up what I’m putting down, are you?”

Her words almost make you recoil. It’s no secret at this point that you can be a little oblivious, but her words make your heart skip a beat. “Az, I have no idea what you’re putting down,” you admit.

“So, I just admitted to you that I liked spending time with you and lied about needing study help just so I’d have an excuse to hang out with you,” Azzi confirms. “We are sitting here, alone, after a game while my teammates celebrate at Ted’s. All of that, and you have no idea what I’m putting down?”

The realization hits you like a ton of bricks. “Oh,” you say smartly. 

“Yeah.”

“So, you like me?” you ask just to be one hundred percent sure. 

She smiles at you. You’re certain your heart almost stops beating. “How could I not?” she asks like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “You make me laugh. You’re always so patient with me, you make me feel seen — like I can just be myself. It’s… hard to find something genuine like this. You don’t expect anything from me.”

“I just want you to be happy,” you say simply. 

Her eyes confirm everything for you. You’re not observant, sure, but your main priority has always been what was directly in front of you. And right now, it’s hard to focus on anything that’s not Azzi. Azzi’s eyes are so soft, kinder than anything you’ve ever seen before. They hold so much understanding but there’s also a silent plea of let this be mutual that you’re too happy to give into. 

“I’ve been falling for you for a while,” you admit, and her face brightens. Your shoulders feel lighter; carrying around your feelings has burdened you, but if it’s the price you had to pay to make sure Azzi felt comfortable and that she could have friendships without people taking advantage of her celebrity, then so be it. You’d bear a lot more for her if it ever came down to it. “I kept it to myself for a while,” you continued. “You deserve normal. A friendship without expectations. But, God, Az, how could anyone not fall for you?”

Azzi’s cheeks flush a pretty red. You can’t help but smile at her, growing a little braver, and you slide your hand across the table. She wastes no time before intertwining your fingers together, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. 

She walks you home that night, refusing to let go of you until you’re halfway through your doorstep. She stops you; her height would be intimidating if you didn’t know she was the sweetest person to ever walk the earth. “Can I…” She trails off, her hands gentle on your waist. 

You don’t need much more convincing — you loop your arms around her neck and tug her down to your height, planting your lips on hers with a softness that she eagerly reciprocates. You can taste the vanilla on her lips, the sweetness of the cookie dough, and the promise of something distinctly reminiscent of Azzi Fudd. You’re suddenly thankful for KK’s stupid live, for Crumbl cookie, for the accounting class you shared together. It’s all led you to where you are now, in Azzi’s arms outside of your apartment, overcome with the knowledge that all of this is so new, but you have everything you could have possibly wanted.

(You ask her to officially be your girlfriend two weeks after that, having been on three dates since — it’s only after you pop the question and the two of you are settling in to watch a movie that she admits to you the real reason she was struggling so bad with the problem sets was because she’d spend entire lecture periods staring at you. You roll your eyes, feeling inexplicably cared for in a way you haven’t experienced before Azzi, and your only true response to her confession is the lingering kiss you place on her lips.)

[certifiedsexed]

hi, I’m asking for some clarification on the idea that Virginity is a social construct. the thing I actually understand and AGREE with the points and explanations on why, but aren’t those just the connotations around being a virgin, not the actual concept of being a virgin. I wholeheartedly agree that being a virgin shouldn’t be seen as more “pure” and “innocent” but like, what’s wrong with “person that has not had sex before”?

Hi! So, you've practically invited me to ramble, Anon, I'm so excited. T_T

To be clear, this is a great question!! Thank you so much for being interested in learning!

Let's start with the fact that "virgin", by definition, has not ever meant "person that has not had sex before".

It's a term that's specifically, repeatedly, worldwide, has been used to refer to women and girls who have not had "sexual intercourse", specifically "PIV" sex. It's still used that way, in many places, all over the world.

It has many, many definitions, I don't deny that. The closest it's got to what you're talking about is "person who hasn't had sexual intercourse", which is not the same as "person that has not had sex".

There are many ways to have sex without having intercourse. Masturbation, for example, is a type of sex and yet, people who have only masturbated still count as virgins. In fact, in many places, you can give and receive blow jobs, anal sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation and still count as a virgin!

As a Sex Ed Scholar, I think it's very important to acknowledge that things like masturbation, oral sex, etc, are all types of sex. Not just because it's misogynistic and cisheteronormative to claim they aren't but because we live under a culture that encourages rape and general sexual abuse.

To not be clear about what is and isn't sex is very dangerous and plays into rape culture.

I also think it's important we ask ourselves why we need the term virgin. Do we? What purpose does it serve? Do we want a word for people who have not had sex, or people who have not had sex with others? Why?

[Maybe to talk about STI/Ds? Except people who haven't had sex at all can still have an STD! So. not that.]

Maybe you want it for some type of research! But why virgin specifically, a term with a million and one bigotries dragging behind it? Why a term more insult than objective? Why a term that many people will not identify with, or even want to be involved with?

Why not create a new term altogether?

To be clear, I don't think anyone is evil for using the term virgin. But I think maybe we should consider if we're past the point where we need to be using that word at all and asking ourselves what use it even has.

Okay, I hope this helps explain a little more, Anon. If not, feel free to ask me to ramble more. I love discussing this shit, you've hit the jackpot, so fr, if you didn't understand or wonder more, knock yourself out. <33

[lady-griffin]

While you guys and several of the replies have brought up points I didn’t initially fully consider, I do disagree with the idea that Ambessa and the Noxians weren’t seriously looking for Jinx.

Or at least, I think it might be more nuance than that.

The presence of enforcers and Noxians is definitely, 100% being felt by Zaunites.

Things have gotten so bad the Firelights are willing to hear out Sevika, Silco’s former right-hand as well as let go of their anger/hatred towards Jinx, who was their main enemy in S1 – that’s beyond significant.

The situation under Caitlyn has gotten so unbearable for many in Zaun that those who hate Silco (for good reason) are now thinking Sevika and Jinx, who were integral to Silco’s shimmer dynasty, aren’t as bad in comparison.

That’s more than a strong indicator of just how bad things have actually gotten under Caitlyn’s (Ambessa’s) boot.

Plus, in Sevika's speech she literally talked about how enforcers were raiding their homes and having Noxians down their throats – so, there’s absolutely a physical, on the ground, presence in the search for Jinx. Or arguably not in the search for Jinx, but in the controlling of Zaun.

And a small detail, but we also saw an enforcer eating at Jericho’s, before Jericho left to go to Vander’s statue; indicating enforcers are in Zaun enough to be eating at the local hubs now.

Also the way Rictus said “Jinx” after Isha’s stunt at the checkpoint didn’t give me the impression of someone who’s been covering Jinx's tracks to further Ambessa's agenda. Not even close.

Just the way he said her name and looked at where Isha was – I saw someone who has in fact been looking for Jinx and finally, for the first time, has a real lead.

We also have him beating up the Jinxer to get information – that’s not for show or for Caitlyn’s sake.

Now that could be because Ambessa feels the needs to produce results, as Caitlyn is starting to waver in her commitment and question the need for martial law.

There is a balance to be had in justifying Noxus’s presence.

If they find Jinx right away, then yeah Noxus isn’t needed anymore, but if they don’t produce any results at all in finding Jinx, then what’s even the point of having them?

It’s a balance act for sure.

Now, the checkpoints and enforcers searching people’s homes does show how they’re looking for Jinx in completely the wrong way; Caitlyn is so blinded by her pursuit of Jinx that she’s actively getting in her own way.

And yeah, it’s 100% accurate that for many Zaunites, especially for someone like Jinx, navigating Zaun without being detected wouldn't even close to being difficult.

There’s something so funny to me about Caitlyn having all the enforcers and an entire Noxian division at her beck and call and still couldn’t find Jinx.

While we only see Jinx go to Silco’s office once, I can’t imagine that was the one and only time.

Vi’s pit fighting montage gives the impression Jinx has been keeping tabs on Vi for a bit.

While Isha has blue hair in the scenes of her flashback montage, the fact we do see Isha and Jinx running around and having fun in Zaun – makes me think they’ve done that more than once during their time together.

Jinx tracks Vander to the mines, then gets Vi, then heads back to the mines with Vi and Isha, and then heads to Viktor’s cult with Vi, Isha, and now Vander (a giant wolf monster).

I don’t mean to be rude here Caitlyn, but this seems less like Jinx is impossible to find and more like you suck at finding her.

[bambi-kinos]

Why do people perceive John's love for Paul as unrequited? I confess that I fail to grasp this perspective. Paul is absolutely infatuated with John in every sense of the word. The difference between him and John, as Paul himself has stated, is that John voices his feelings out loud, while Paul excels at self-preservation; he knows how to navigate the rules of society while also enjoying the thrill of breaking them.

For the same reasons why Hanya Yanagihara wrote her eye wateringly boring novel "A Little Life." In "A Little Life" Yanagihara writes a Stephanie Meyer-esque novel about boys being turned gay via SA perpetuated by adult men and how they eventually grow up and become super rich and also they all have vague disabilities that cause a lot of pain but never get full definition because defining them would be inconvenient to the narrative. (Disabilities are debilitating and Yanagihara wanted to write about Sad Boys Who Were Turned Gay By Child Rape But Also They Are Rich And Go On Globe Trotting Vacations Everywhere All The Time While Being Depressed.) The point of "A Little Life" is not to tell a Sad Gay Man Story about the fallout from CSA, it is to depict a sexually exploitive miseryfest that uses disability as a way to pad the word count and add a layer of fancy fondant to the masturbatory and self indulgent text that makes it look more interesting than it is.

I bring this up because I think the phenomenon are related. There has never been a good justification for why Paul is magically indifferent or blind to John being a gay simp especially when you have so many examples of Paul being a gay simp for John in return. BUT it does make for an even sadder and more exploitive miseryfest where a Sad Gay Man died Forever Alone because he was so in love with a Happy Heterosexual Man who could never Return His Love and that is what a lot of people want. That's the only reason the narrative has any steam IMO.

It's just trying to make a sad story and make it even worse: more sad, more tragic, more gay, etc. If John and Paul were mutually attracted and in love with each other than that means they may have had stretches where they were happy together and that's unacceptable to a certain kind of mind. Because the point is the emotional and sexual gratification of seeing a Sad Gay Man Suffering, not to respect the Sad Gay Man and his story and the events and decisions that lead to his predicament. If Paul reciprocates John's love then the John and Paul love story turns into a mundane tale about a first marriage that started out happy but didn't work out because the two spouses grew apart over time. The point of "A Little Life" is the same, there's nothing genuine or cathartic about the Sad Gay Men or the Sad Painful Disabilities, they only exist so the author can circlejerk with her readers about how enlightened and noble they are. Needing the misery becomes all consuming to the point that entire rest of the story, the three dimensional nature of it, gets destroyed and swept under the rug. It's too real and some people just don't want to engage with that.

There's a mundanity to McLennon. Yes there was all sorts of stuff happening but at the end of the day they were just another couple trying to muddle through life together. The soulmate-ness of it all didn't save them when push came to shove. There wasn't a clear path forward for them to make up and get back together even as friends. This is much harder to bear for some people because it shows how the simple act of living your life can carry you away from the person who loves you most. John and Paul found each other but they still drifted apart eventually and stopped wanting to be together. The romance novel didn't end with "happily ever after." The fact that it was so relatable and downright boring is something a lot of people don't want to know or hear about. How can they jerk off to it? It's not miserable or indulgent enough.

Reducing their dynamic to Sad Gay Man Who Is Forever Alone and his Evil Oblivious Heterosexual Partner Who is Blind To His Yearning flattens it, makes it two dimensional, and thus makes it a lot easier to cope with and masturbate to, emotionally and sexually. And look there may be some people who genuinely believe this and don't type that narrative out with one hand, but they're outliers and outliers get discarded.

[timkontheunsure]

A CBT look at Blitz's core beliefs

Boring explanationy bit

Ok first off a core belief is this how the world works sort of thought. It has a ton of evidence on it side, or some big life altering event. Acting within is designed to kept you safe. And everyone has good and bad ones.

Think of it as of a short bit of base code running in the background, helping you go with your gut. A quick a short cut, but one that's got a lot of logic and past facts behind it.

They're mostly set up in childhood. So if you have an abusive parent, or trauma, you can get ones that become unhelpful for you in other situations. Like with people that really care about you.

A distortion is a little different. They affect how you look at the wold based off your mood, and are always negative. They specifically don't have a lot of evidence on their side. Like a prism that makes things a little different than what's really there.

They are an action to do based on your mood: catastrophizing (when everybody I love leaves me next year)

Black & white thinking (yes there's all this evidence showing Stolas cares, but that doesn't count as it just sex).

Thought spiraling (this one goes to Moxxie heh)

Or snap judgments based only only how your mood is (Ghostfuckers is fun and sexy, so we should take the case when I know they don't exist).

Blitz's core beliefs

So 'all royals are assholes' and 'no royal will care about an imp' are a core beliefs. Because this is definitely true, the 1% don't give a fig. (Stolas and Ozzie are basically round errors from what we've seen).

"I'm going to die alone" is also one.

So is "I make everyone's lives worse"

But his good ones are: "we don't get rid of family",

Ok with these two good ones we're going to have to go into rules for life. Blitz core belief is about family sticks together and protects each other. That's his code that always wants to run.

But he's also got evidence that family will kick you out for not being good enough, and hurting/killing people on accident. When you get code clashing you get cognitive dissidence, which physically hurts.

So you do a patch to reduce that pain. A rule to live by. 'If X is right and Y is right, then the variable that off is me.'

'We don't get rid of family, but we do get rid of me = I'm the only one who we can get rid of'.

With Loona it's we get orphanage lady saying words that could have come straight out of Cash's mouth. (I want Blitz to get a song telling that git off so hard).

Those hit Blitz hard, so hard he changed his mind on adopting a small little child, to a older teenage. CBT says that when something hits that hard it's because it hit at least 1 core belief. He sees himself in Loona in that moment, and never want another kid to be gotten rid of.

And other one could be bad or good depending on what's around it. 'I will be of use to family/people I love'. Blitz needs to feel useful to the people he loves, especially with growing in a family business working from being a kid.

And the rule Blitz has made for himself between the "I'm going to die alone" + 'I will be of use to family' = 'But maybe if I'm useful they won't abandoned of me yet'

(Also how sad it is that Blitz feels he's only allowed help, and support if it's a tit for tat, favours for favours exchange).

So everyone has a mixed bag of these good and bad. The problem happened when trauma responses give you ones that don't help you in a new situation. Like say a demon prince falling head over heels for him.

The idea of CBT is that if your struggling to look at what's changed since the core beliefs were set up. And if it isn't keeping you safe anymore, then you try to replace the old one with a new one; that has new evidence that backs it up. A update.

Like how Millie shows Blitz concrete examples of him improving her life. Just telling him he hasn't wrecked her life wouldn't work.

(This is one of reasons why Stolas' confection doesn't stick with Blitz. Blitz needs to know reasons why someone like Stolas loves him. It why he asks him in apology tour. Stolas tell your boy why he's so amazing for flips' sake).

Millie shows how joining IMP positively improved her live. "He gave me so much...A career, a husband, a future. And now...He's my best friend."

And Blitz helping Millie through alot of her own negative self talk she had. That 'she's not good enough', 'she's only the muscle', 'that Pride's too fancy for imps', and 'no imp works for them selves'.

These we're all Millie's core beliefs before joining IMP, if she still had these Rolando's words would have hurt her. But through having the support and example of Blitz she's removed those old bits of code.

When see her mum it obvious where and why she has these ideas about herself. Lynn describes her full time job, being employed direct by a company; as "Freelance". Because Imps can't work for themselves. (Even if she is impressed by Blitz). It's like different between working for Uber, instead of taxi firm. No protections, and an unsafe unstable job.

She pulls up her daughter's valid explanation why she lost the fight as "Excuses!", because Millie was "'raised better than that' as the muscle of the team.

She's very against Moxxie for being too week, and not having the same melee skills as Millie.

It obvious that she wants her daughter to have a similar life as her, where she keeps her head down, and has a partner that is able to defend Millie. This because there's a level of safety in this crab bucket attitude. She'd very unlikely to come to the notice of higher-ups. Like how Stolas being very involved in IMP and with Blitz.

But Blitz talked Millie round, and also showed her that she doesn't have to pigeon hole herself like that. She has years of evidence that Blitz could do it, and him pointing out how good she is when she fell back into thinking of herself as just the muscle.

Rolando's trying to exploit vulnerability that she's updated against. (It's super ineffective).

Ok after that sight side tangent of with Millie's head, back to Blitz's.

The "your going to die alone" has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, tripping Blitz up alot. Because it comes twofold for his fear of hurting his loved ones, making their life worse, and his fear of abandonment. Because he was abandoned, that did happen.

Making him feel like he has it to push away the people he love for there own, and that they'll leave him eventually so might as well push them away now. He's got a lot of previous evidence tied to this.

It's going to take more then Fizz and Millie telling him he didn't ruin theirs, for him to start to be able to unpick this. Because he's still certain it's true. Even if he's improved the lives of most of the people he knows.

And even Fizz who were directly effected by the mistake Blitz still punishing himself for, has told him that being made disabled didn't ruin his life.

There's a whole debate in my head whether Barbie would have had such trouble with addiction; if she wasn't assuming/told that her brother started the fire on purpose, that killed their mum. I'm honestly not sure. But it does seem like her resentment over it has made it harder on her. And that all seems to stem from Cash abuse. (I'm sure Cash is the one to tell Blitz Fizz said he'd die alone).

Ok on to how the these are interacting/fucking up his relationship to Stolas. Blitz is definitely is afraid to love Stolas for a number of reasons. (You knew I'd get there at somepoint right 😛).

Cus a whole load are clashes together for him, making it really difficult for him because about see things from the outside. with the "royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us" one.

Making Blitz rationalize that it's gotta be about the sex, and being of use. Anything that shows this assumption is wrong has to be disregarded with distortion.

But when Stolas takes sex off the table, and still talking about feeling, and relationships; it makes Blitz's fear of abandonment go turbo. It's not rational but it's the only rule Blitz has that might make Stolas keep him.

He feels like that sex is all he has to give to a prince after all. And he wanted Stolas to stay for a long while now. It's not a grimoire his hallucinations put on a golden pedestal after all. And there a a lot of similarity to how Stolas and his Mama vanish.

(Debøra pør favør pointed out this emotion damage so now you have to suffer too 😭https://x.com/_Choco_torta/status/1859028103772955135)

"I'm going to die alone" and 'I must be of use' Blitz freaks out badly in queen Bee after Ozzie's. Blitz believed that he's be rejected by Stolas, he's been shoved back into the box of it just being about lust.

Because he wants more, but feels he's unworthy, it's got him hurt coming and going. He's got to shut down any attempt by Stolas to have something real. But he was also hurt constantly feeling sex is all that he's got to offer, and all Stolas would want.

"I make everyone's lives worse" and "We don't get get rid of family". Ok this is into theory level but think Master Mind and Sinsmas are going hit these last two harddddd. (We're one week from mastermind).

It looks likely that Stolas is going to lose Via, face punishment for the illegal deal, and be dragged for the affair. With Via swallowing a lot gaslighting about not being loved by Stolas (lines from the trailer).

Blitz will probably going assume it's another another life he's made worse, where he's caused them to lose their own family. Don't think this will play well with last guy he fell in love with he blow up.

It's going to make it much harder for him to remove the idea; that that him loving some will only hurt them.

Alot of the reasons Blitz thought it was ok to get close to Stolas are tied up in these beliefs. He assumes Stolas was powerful and immortal, so couldn't be hurt physically like Fizz or Mumma.

He assumed that a prince would never fall for an imp, so only he could get hurt emotionally. It couldn't end the same way as Verosika. Blitz thinking he's the only one to be able to be hurt, and get to be useful not just to Stolas, but provide a better life for his whole family. It would seem like a bargain. (And the self punishment aspect probably wasn't going be a off for him, cus Blitz thinks he deserves it).

This season seems slow be eroding that pedestal Blitz put Stolas on (and vice versa). It's hurts, and it's knocking the stuffing out of both of them; but it's bring Stolas to earth for Blitz. Making his more of a real person in his eyes.

Eh probably a lot way to go, but I'm here for it.

(was very loosely based on this post, because it got me thinking about distortions vs core beliefs. But then I went off on a whole thing, so thought it would be weird to put it as a reblog. Still loved @akirathedramaqueen analysis and would recommend giving it a read 😀)

[dreams-hopes-lies14]

some thoughts about the Doctor Odyssey mid-season finale:

I’m SO shocked that the writers had the balls to do this but I’m genuinely so glad because (although I think I’m in the minority) I always find a pregnancy storyline to be so interesting especially with how it can change up character dynamics

I’m not mad at Tristan x Vivian👀 HOWEVER, I think that Tristan is still in love with Avery (and also Max but doesn’t know it) AND VIVIAN DESERVES BETTER

Genuinely, I want to see more Vivian

We are in dire need of a Broadway episode!!!

okay so Tristan may also have some daddy issues that may have helped form his intense fear of abandonment (so now he has daddy issues with our resident daddy, Dr. Max Bankman🤭)

I hate how this “female dilemma” is currently being framed BUT I think (or hope) that the writers are doing this to set up the potential of both Max and Tristan being involved in helping out so Avery can also achieve all of her dreams because WITH THE RIGHT SUPPORT IT IS DOABLE

Avery is such a cynic who believes that joy is excruciating and I NEED her to talk about why that is (perhaps divorce trauma? childhood trauma?)

Avery definitely had ideas of a life with a white picket fence, but I think she’s more accepting that that might not be her fate compared to the boys but I don’t think she ever figured that having a kid doesn’t have to be in the context of a white picket fence

either way I support Avery’s right to choose! and I’m so glad that Tristan told her what she needed when Max was clearly freaking out

Max’s automatic reaction was to somehow make the pregnancy work while also helping Avery with her dreams and I can’t help but wonder why exactly he locked in on that assumption because I think it goes beyond the “I haven’t had this happen before”

So many themes of life coming to catchup with you even in so-called heaven and idk if I should buy into the heaven/afterlife/coma theories or if this is the writers saying “BUCKLE UP — REAL LIFE SHIT IS COMING AT YA SOON”

Reality always has a way of catching up to them so is it potentially Max’s reality of potentially still dealing with COVID (the theory) or is it that the throuple isn’t some sort of fantasy just as ALL three of them (yes, including Avery —especially Avery) has been treating it

The throuple can (and should imo) be rooted in reality, but right now, it’s being treated as a dream, an overindulgence, and a form of escape rather than as a real relationship where they have to constantly work on the interpersonal bonds amongst themselves AND their intrapersonal traumas

I’ll definitely have to rewatch the episode and I’ll watch it within the context of the previous episodes because I wanna look into more of the song motifs and themes throughout the show because I do think that this is a Ryan Murphy specialty

I also think the music could give us an indication of where they might go with the throuple, Tristan x Vivian, etc.

Overall, I know that some people may not like the trope, but I’m really really glad that they decided to go all in with this! I loved this episode and the fact that we’re seeing Avery being forced to confront something very very real that could potentially connect with her previous traumas

im also SO glad that the fanfic I have cooking that has some people from Max’s past fits in with the storyline (dare I say, even more so because it deals wit a childhood friend, and a previous teen pregnancy and how it affected Max’s life🤭)

[sproutpixels]

hi rentry comm -- im the person who mentioned archiving every single imvu button from the 2000s the other day!

i have over 3000 of them right now!

i have a few questions id love your guys' opinions on if you could help me out.

Are there any search terms/tags that you would like to be included? Im trying to keep things as simple as possible to keep my workload light, but if there are certain thematic elements that you all think are particularly repetitive, i can definitely try to add those.

2. Sensitive content: Some of the buttons I have archived have slightly inappropriate content or possibly triggering content. Ideally, I would prefer to just keep them with all the other buttons and have a warning up, but I'm most worried about the younger members in the community being uncomfortable with the more nsfw buttons. I don't even know if there is a person in the world interested in them, but I like to be thorough when I archive. Nonetheless, they exist, and I wanna know if a warning before you enter the page is enough?

3. Crediting: I currently have asked permission from a few button creators to include a sample of their buttons and a link back to their page as well. However, I'm unsure if I should include their buttons in the search results as well, as that makes it so people may be more careless and less likely to look for the credit of each button. Filename credits are also included (if any are found to be missing once the site is up, lmk).

4. Is there anything else I can reasonably do to make the site more accessible or just more helpful for you guys?

I plan to have a lot more pages eventually as I love archiving things and helping the community in general, but I think when I release it publically it'll just be IMVU buttons and IMVU badges.

This has already been hours upon hours of work scouring the internet archive, imvu itself, and even putting some money into it to get access to buttons that I couldn't find for free because I wanted to make this resource as thorough as possible.

REBLOGS APPRECIATED :) + if anyone wants to help out and can offer assistance let me know!

[site wip screenshots below]

(side note: i've only been coding for a little while and i don't know how to make the images align when searched for LOL if anyone can help, lmk.

i know that i need to use a combination of the display and position CSS things, but the fact that i am hiding elements is throwing me off, i think. i think I'm just overthinking it and screwing myself over)

[alpaca-clouds]

I hate the fact that my brain put out a plot idea for a Veilguard longfic. (Obviously centering around Lucanis and Spite.)

Ironically it is based on the kinda conflict within the fandom/meta that results from how "clean" and "heroic" the Crows come across in comparison to past depictions of them. I mean, I said it myself: In Veilguard they feel a lot like Assassin's Creed. Like: "Sure, we are assassins and we kill for a living, but we only kill the really bad people! Pinky swear!" While in older material they were definitely also killing good people and also very much participating in human trafficking (especially of kids that would then get trained to be assassins).

I mean, heck, from Lucanis' stuff in The Wigmaker Job (the short story) we also know that he and Illario were abused by Caterina. He very much rationalized it as "But she only did it so we could survive", but it was still abuse.

However, something we definitely know also from that same short story about Lucanis is, that indeed, he does have somewhat higher moral standards than your average assassin. And we know that he specialized on killing mages.

Now, from what I now understand about the worldbuilding is the following: In most of the cultures outside of Tevinter, mages are not only very much controlled, but also met with a lot of distrust. Making it quite likely that a lot of mages who have a lot of political influence are Tevinter mages, which will probably also mean that most mages he ever got hired to kill were from Tevinter, and he killed probably a percentually higher amount of Venatori than the average Crow. (Correct me, if I am wrong in this regard, DA-nerds. This is how I am starting to understand the world.)

However, if you consider the end of his companion quest... (more under break, because spoilers.)

He becomes First Talon, which means that he will have to deal a lot more with Crow politics and what kind of contracts the Crows at large will take.

Here is the thing: Everyone is the hero of their own story. And given all we know, I have a good feeling of the general narratives that Lucanis lives by. He is the good guy, because he mainly kills the really bad mages, because he protects Treviso, and really, those that end up dead had it coming.

But again, in past stuff we absolutely know that the Crows took down good people, before they were paid for it.

My first reaction to the end of the game was: "Oh, I can make them worse, hehehe."

And I mainly just would like to explore with Lucanis having to deal with the... uhm... business model of a professional groups of assassins being pretty much: "We gonna kill anyone we get paid to kill."

And I generally like the idea of a character having to adjust their personal narratives bit by bit, because it is one of the hardest things for humans to do.

But also... I have a long list of longfics I wanna write - and I would need to do so much research.

[laswells-ashtray]

Okay, I have a silly request BUT- young John Price shenanigans WITH Macmillan.

I can see it now tbh. You think that man is sassy now? You should’ve seen him in his sergeant days.

Dude cussed out a whole Lieutenant, commanding officer, AND a few of his peers. He probably even got suspended a few times before the higher ups just gave up and made him scrub the showers.

I feel like Mac would also be a dad to him in a way. Stern, no nonsense, yet very tolerant of all of Price’s bullshit antics.

I’m very convinced that Price went on many solo missions by himself against orders, stole a few of his superior’s cars, and was out late past base curfew. Almost gave Mac a heart attack a few of those times and DEFINITELY got a smack to the back of the head.

I know little about MacMillan, I'll admit but one thing I do know is that he's Scottish. And as a Scot, [I need to bring it u every so often to you lot never mistake me as English], I know a lot about pissing off Scottish elders. Therefore:

"Hawl you, you crabbit little git. You're the one who insisted on playing hero, you're the one who fucked your ankle so if you're gonna be annoyed about not going on the next mission, you're to fucking blame."

The sheer angry look on little John Price's face would intimidate many, not Mac. He knows better. To him, it's just a boy with a petted lip.

"My ankle isn't even that bad, you're-"

"If the next word out of your mouth is overreacting then you're leaving here with a face like a skelped arse."

That promptly shuts him up, on more than one occasion he's smacked John with his gloves when he's holding them and they're fucking nippy, he knows that from experience.

"Time do you call this?"

The cheeky little fucker has the audacity to laugh at him.

"You look like a Bond villain, sitting there."

"Well, Mr Bond. You'll be scrubbing the loos clean with a fucking toothbrush."

Is it patriotic to say he likes watching the Englishman suffer? No, he doesn't but maybe it'll teach John not to make him suffer when he pulls another one of those fucking disappearing stunts.

"That's a pisstake, Mac."

"You're far too cocky for someone that'll spend tomorrow on his hands and knees, scrubbing bogs."

There's a brief moment of silence where he makes the mistake of thinking he might've gotten through to John before-

"Connery was the worst Bond."

"Get back here, you twisted little shite."

John is concussed. Everyone but John is willing to accept that he's concussed. Even when he's leaning a little too heavily into Mac's side and using the other man's head to block the sunlight from his eyes, he isn't willing to accept the fact that he's concussed.

"This gonnae teach ye not to run ahead like a fanny?" Mac is sympathetic, to an extent.

"Saved a rookie." John did and maybe later, he'll clap him on the back and tell him `good job, son` but right now he kind of wants to strangle him.

"That you did, not without taking a header when you landed tits o`er taes, mind you." His heart about hit his hole when he saw it, John had taken a hard hit saving a cocky younger boy who'd barged ahead against orders thinking he was the dog's bollocks.

"He has a little one at home, showed me pictures, Couldn't let him get killed even if he is an arrogant bastard."

"Aye, showed me pictures of the wain. She's a wee sweetheart, still doesn't give you the right to act like a prick."

"Who've I got at home other than the spider that lives by my window." One day he was going to kill John Price and he wouldn't feel bad about it, he was positive of the fact.

"You've got me, ye daft fanny. No getting yerself blown up tae fuck, too much paperwork on my end." That and it might kill him. John Price was a bitchy, reckless arsehole with no self-restraint when it came to the job and he'd wormed his way onto the short list of people that Mac could find himself giving a fuck about. The bastard.

[cybershock24601]

I've talked about an Emmrich raises Rook au before but an objectively funnier option would be a Johanna raises Crypt Baby Rook au. Would Johanna be a good mother? Debatable. Would Johanna teach her protege/child Rook the darkest arts of necromancy? Most definitely. Rook would be a menace.

Not sure if Rook and Emmrich know each other and Emmrich is like Rook's cool eccentric uncle or if somehow they've completely missed meeting each other through Rook's whole life and don't realize it until they go check out that haunting at the manor and see Johanna and Rook just goes "Mom what the fuck?!" and Emmrich has a whole crisis about the fact that Johanna of all people was a mother and she didn't even tell him that she had a child. Did their friendship mean nothing?

Meanwhile Rook is freaking out about the fact that their mother who disappeared years ago has turned herself into a half lich and is apparently evil now. Rook might have missed a lot of major red flags when they were a kid.

Emmrich knowing Rook would lead to some pretty touching emotional moments as they have to stop someone they both cared about. It would also leave the door open for a lot of Emmrich is essentially Rook's dad shenanigans for which there are many, like Emmrich telling the team all sorts of embarrassing stories about Rook as a child while Rook is desperately hoping up the floor will swallow them up. I also think Rook would definitely declare that Manfred is their brother.

On the other hand, an Emmrook au where they find out that they're dating their former colleague/mother's daughter/former colleague has so much drama potential I don't even know what to do with it.

idk, I'm just having Thoughts right now and I need people to know about them

[glisten-inthedark]

Get ready for some rambling nonsense that is all over the fucking place

Mike is so fucking clever man like when it comes to plans and whatnot no wonder he's the dungeon master

I forgot that he's the one who comes up with the idea of interrogating Will and hiding their location from him, he's even the one who takes Hopper to the shed which means that he was also the one who thought of using the shed

and he’s the first one to bring up that closing the gate will kill Will.

Also, underrated moment of Mike right when Will’s eyes are coming into focus after waking up in the shed, Mike looks so anxious and he’s either biting his thumb or he’s got his fist pressed to his mouth, and his eyebrows are doing that 🥺 thing and he looks so vulnerable, and then he crosses his arms and right before the camera leaves him he goes :] and it’s so hard to explain but it’s so pitifully adorable in a sad sweet way😭

And then of course Mike’s face when Will starts screaming about being tied up, again it’s so open and vulnerable and I swear I need to see this from Finn Wolfhard again in season 5 (not saying that he didn’t excel in 3 or 4 but Mike wasn’t given the same opportunities for this particular kind of vulnerability in those season—he should have had a similar look during his ily speech if, yknow, it was sincere, but that’s a whole other anon).

I swear Mike has “Will eyes” in these scenes that I literally only ever see him use once with another person and that’s when he sees El again for the first time after thinking she was dead. But damn those eyes are just so VULNERABLE and so filled with emotion and I NEED to see that again in season 5

I also just realized that they put Mike in the foreground and in focus during Will’s screaming in the shed and, in the same shots, put Jonathan in the background, partially behind a light and out of focus. They never put Jonathan in focus in those shots despite him being Will’s brother; they essentially prioritize Mike and his reaction and tell the audience that he’s more important than even Will’s own brother’s during this part (and Charlie is acting his ass off in those shots too)

I also forgot that it was raining when Jonathan and Will finished Castle Byers. And it rained when Will destroyed Castle Byers. Wow I hope Mike rebuilt Castle Byers and we get a scene of Mike and Will hiding in there during a storm because full circle. Anyways,

Also underrated, the fact that Mike doesn’t start crying when talking to Will. He starts crying before he even opens his fucking mouth, that tear on his cheek has been falling for a while

Noah Schnapp’s acting during this scene!!! you can see Will fighting so hard to overcome the Mind Flayer but he’s not strong enough to retake his voice and you can see the moment the Mind Flayer overpowers him and his face smooths out and his eyes go dull. Wow, A+

Man I may not ship Milkvan but the reunion scene makes me cry EVERY FUCKING TIME, once again, Finn’s acting is incredible in this scene

Interesting that they chose to put Will in Jonathan’s bedroom and then have Mike and Hop’s fight be in Will’s bedroom. Why, from a writing perspective, not just put Will in his own bedroom? That’s the logical thing to do. Why did they choose to have that fight happen in Will’s bedroom?

Hello!!

Oh yeah, Mike is incredibly smart. People talk about Dustin but Mike is super intelligent as well, but I feel that Mike's intelligence is more practical whereas Dustin is more theorical, if that makes sense.

Mike definitely has "Will's eye", he looks at him so softly most of the time, there's so much care and love when he looks at Will.

If you think about the room thing, two of Mike's monumental monumental moments happen there. This one and when kisses him and he panicks.

Is like a symbolism of the fact that he's overwhelmed by Will's presence during those moments, like he's being surrounded by him somehow.

[faiell]

OK so I've been thinking about this all day. Very cool of me right.

I don't think this was anyone's intention, but this post comes off dismissive of people who struggle with stats. Sharing creative works is an incredibly vulnerable act, and different people react to that in different ways. Some people need validation to keep going, whereas other people go the opposite way, and might feel uncomfortable if their works get a lot of attention.

A lot of people don't have the confidence to say: I don't need AO3 comments to keep posting. I don't think we should tell those people - just toughen up, and share art for "better" reasons. True, their life would be easier if they could ascribe to that, but often times it takes a journey to get there, and tbh some people might never even fully make it there.

There's nothing disingenuous about feeling unhappy if nobody looks at something you made, especially if you've gone to the trouble of sharing it. Sometimes you just want to be seen. Sometimes you create and share something not for yourself or for some grander artistic vision, but just to connect with other people, and that's perfectly fine. And also, creating and sharing are two very different things--I feel that if someone shared their work online, it goes unsaid that they wanted people to see it.

In the end, commenting is one of the easiest ways for a reader to show gratitude to a writer. While guilt-tripping is definitely not the best way to go about convincing anyone to do anything, I think commenting culture should be kept alive as much as possible. In the same vein, reccing is just as important, and if a reader recs a writer's fic, the writer should be encouraged to say thank you to the reader.

You could come away from this conversation with the conclusion that both readers and writers don't owe each other anything. Readers are under no obligation to comment or interact with fics: true. Writers are under no obligation to post if they feel they are not getting the feedback they want: also true. But that's pretty bleak, and not a sustainable mindset at all for fandom to thrive. People who are interested in having a healthy, alive community for their fandoms need to embrace the fact that everyone involved can contribute towards it, and the more people who do it, the better.

re - your last post, as a writer i find that to be an absurd take. people who write exclusively for validation probably shouldn't. if discovering your work is enjoyed and loved - just privately - is a dealbreaker for you, i think there are probably bigger issues that need to be worked through. the idea that we write fic for free and yet this discussion about "payment" through kudos/comments persists is so backwards and obnoxious.

sorry to tag you on this, obv you have nothing to do with op, but i just wanted to say - as a writer recs are a HUGE deal. to know that you liked something enough to share it with others is the biggest compliment for me personally. thanks for doing what you do.

I’m happy you reached out because this is a really interesting perspective. I definitely see increased messaging around comments = payment that pressures readers into thinking they are required to leave comments, and I agree that there are many layers in this convo that point out to a not-so-healthy relationship with fandom.

I find it hard to join this discussion not being an author myself, because I only have the privileged perspective. Ofc I understand how important feedback can be to boost newcomers and those who don’t feel part of the community. We all deal with insecurity in different ways and it’s hard to navigate a big fandom when you don’t have a group of friends to rely on. In the end the fandom experience is about a sense of belonging and it saddens me to realize that I might be part of the problem since my recs only reach Tumblr and my ao3 comments are far and few in between.

It’s funny because my blog has always targeted other readers: at the beginning I didn’t even tag authors and did not expect them to find or engage with my posts. Over the years the recs became more and more personal, until I realized I was writing them for myself. Sure, they are love letters to the fic and might help more people find them, but at the end of the day this is my little therapy corner where I can let go and babble around to my heart’s content 🙏🏼 I’ve always been proud of this blog and seeing that post gave me mixed feelings about it for the first time, so thank you for your message!

Again, I think this discussion has many layers and I’m a bit wary to get involved being a humble reader, but I’d be curious to see how others feel about it…

[freckledsweetpea]

also my opinion on ozempic that nobody asked for is not that it shouldn't be available or anyone is evil or wrong or whatever for using it for weight loss. my opinion on it is that expecting all fat people to be excited for an injection that forces them into disordered eating because the general population can't stand to look at them AND THEN making a mockery of anyone that does use it to lose weight is all insanely heinous.

because thin people don't want fat people to lose weight for their health. they just want someone to mock and be able to hold up as the antithesis of their inherent "greatness" and moral superiority.