#also that ability to take risks
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Criminal Minds Evolution 17x05 - Conspiracy vs Theory
Luke: You gave a secret message to Damien right in front of us. Rebecca: How? Luke: That little tap-tap-tapping he was doing on the desk as they were talking was Morse code.
#tv: criminal minds#criminal minds evolution#criminal minds 17x05#emily prentiss#criminalmindsedit#penelope garcia#elias voit#rebecca wells#paget brewster#david rossi#my edit#i love how casually emily decoded the morse code#because people forget a) she used to be a spy#b) she's actually really smart#she might not be reid level genius but she#is also damned smart#and also i love that she allowed voit to contact damian#so not to tip her hand and see what sort of message#was passed on#also that ability to take risks#emily the spy#skills are always working#on this case hotch begins to suffer from#headaches he doesn't know why#but he feels its because of emily and rossi#*somehow*
71 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's way too hot and I am way too tired to do any more efforts, so excuse the critical lack of quality here.
If you didn't know, Cole is my favourite Power Ranger :D
And while I was binge watching Ninjago I had the pleasant surprise to see him physically and mentally traumatized in season 5 😈
And since I'm a huge sucker for angst, my brain immediately thought of developing that idea in order to hurt my beautiful baby boy some more. That and also the fact that my brain immediately looks for logic in the laws of cartoon physics (I really shouldn't do that...)
So I bring you the "Cole is a Ghost Kind-of-Saga". I still have a few more ideas to exploit, notably adressing the ways the other ninjas will help him cope with his new condition :3
And maaaaybeeeee a small comic too 😇
Anyways, I will let my brain rest a bit for now and sleep.
#I really want to rant about the things I wrote but my brain is melting#but basically ghosts are part of another plane of existence or smt#which explains for me why they can't really interact with anything from the living world#and also why Cole has visions#and why he has a different perception of time and can randomly space out#and I thought Cole was a bit different from other ghosts because he left the temple at the same second the sun arrived#and it is the reason why he isn't forced to stay in the temple#but also why he can interact with objects more easily#again these are just conjectures and headcanons from me#don't take this seriously#and also YES I'm gonna LOVE to write about his friends reactions#and how they can help him go through this#Because I still think that it is a lot#And Cole must suffer about it#But I also think that he is not the kind to express his feelings so he would suffer in silence#so his friends will have to be supportive without being too invasive#I think that there will also be a phase where they will prevent him from fighting/going out at all to protect him#because he would risk his life when they fight against other ghosts and he can't touch water and still has problem controlling his abilities#so even more angst because he would feel useless and the others would fear for him nonstop#my art#ninjago fanart#ninjago season 5#ninjago cole#ninjago#cole is a ghost
148 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'll never get over the fact that MK trades his friends for power to save his friends. What's wrong with him
#I love you 3x03.#Good characterization/themeing ep/setting up MK's abilities/general power scaling#Truly MK is out here willing to sacrifice Mei's Sword and the deed to Pigsy's noodles. Like the heart and soul of his dad's life#Playing a rigged game....#Finding your strength...when you need it most...#''Staff's just a big ol' stick bud! It takes someone special to wield it''#Wukong what the Fuck do you know man#lmk#lmk MK#lego monkie kid#lmk rant#lmk theme: exchange#lmk game motif#I need to make a post cataloging lmk's instances of exchange theme like I'm losing my mind#We gET iT. I'd dO anYThInG fOr My FriEnDs. BuT aT thE cOSt oF tHe wOrLD#''This is Azure's utopia...and this barren wasteland is the price he paid to build it''#''Nothing comes without sacrifice. Nothing'' -> Azure sacrificing himself to repair the world#''You offer something of value to gain something of value''#''Take me- I don't care! Just let them go.'' (3x04)#Macaque saying to start the ritual for Mei's life#''You're so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless innocent child?'' ''You're leaving me no choice!''#''You would really sacrifice your own friend to save yourself?''#''We can't risk unleashing the curse into the world!'' ''You don't know- we'd risk it for sure!''#LIKE THEY'RE SO NOT SUBTLE#Tbh even choosing to go along with Wukong's s3 plan despite the risks is like. Okay guys#And then Wukong lowkey sacrificing Mei for the Samadhi Fire like#Exchange theme follows me everywhere. Truly#it's so delicious#I think the hero warrior motif is also transactional honestly#Like your the warrior and they're the hero. They're going to trade you and your relationship for power
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
if there was a torchwood/spn crossover, jack would get shot in the head so much. i know he already dies a lot, but he’s going to die so many times during this crossover. keeps getting bullets unloaded into him. they stab him with silver and steel and copper and none of it keeps him down. he’s gonna get squirted with borax and that one’s not gonna kill him but it is going to ruin his coat, which is materially worse for him.
#also gwen cooper would wrestle dean to the ground and beat him half to death#ianto is going to get himself possessed. im not saying he doesn’t take every precaution he knows how to against it. im saying he does and it#doesnt work <3#i think sam and tosh could be friends :) (<- actually means they’re just both stuck in ‘make this conversation go as smoothly as i can by#masking so fucking hard. so that i can leave sooner’ mode.)#and i think owen would kiss dean on the mouth because it would make him so uncomfortable and owen can and will use his ability to be an#asshole without regret for the good of the team. especially if this moment is directly a result of like. Dean hitting on Tosh while she’s#clearly not into it. Owen is going to kiss that man at the risk of getting shot just like jack has 17 times in a row just so that he’ll#fuck off and leave tosh alone. and this will work because dean winchester will immediately malfunction upon being kissed by a man because#now he doesn’t know whether to direct his homophobic impulses at owen (<- unaffected by anything he could say.) or himself (<- guy who#believes being gay works like cooties.)#and in the background you can see jack sort of gently put his hand over toshiko’s and she releases a pen she was holding onto very tightly#and this is the part where you realize Oh She Was Going To Stab Dean In The Knee With That If He Didn’t Stop.#i also think Jack should get to kiss Crowley. i think they’d both be into it and it’d be funny. i think they should reference that they’ve#been off-and-on lovers for years actually. (gwen: you’ve been sleeping??? with the king of hell???? || Jack: see i don’t know why this is#surprising to you.) (ianto has been standing there with his mouth slightly open for a full minute. long enough for crowley to comment on it#and for owen to jokingly try to shut it for him. (cue short impromptu slap fight as ianto bats his hands away and then owen gets too into#defending the honor of his poor slapped away hands.) but anyway. <3 ianto you’re into guys you really need to come to terms with this at#some point sir. jack is *not* your exception this is an all day job.)
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
I fucking forgot I had explicitly been rolling with the poison dart frog ability theory for this fic since we didn't actually know when I started this thing.
#im going to have to go back and add an authors note to the beginning of this thing damn. i'm only 4 chapters in with 12 more to go damnit#im kinda frustrated with myself like shit should i just rewrite that out of the first chapter instead of doing this to myself#or do we just pretend beast fyodors ability is different smh#it would be one thing if i was even halfway through with it#i guess that is the risk of taking that long a break in an ongoing series for a character like that#do i care. do i not care. hmmm.#im going to be having a creative crisis for the next hour or so deciding this because it also is relevant to other parts in my outline#for future chapters.#wait but there are just immortals in general here so he ain't special.#maybe i keep some version of the poison dart frog thing because the body swapping isnt as notable like he might as well not have an ability#i guess. i dont know. rahhhhhh#-pers
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i have had the same reaction to the discourse around how gendered words like guys are in the english language for as long as i can remember#yeah sure cool if it's offensive to you to use it as a gender neutral phrase i won't do that around you#but i will also likely gradually start to avoid you because i am already hypervigilent about my speech to a degree i can barely tolerate#so if you're going to add to that process for me i have to actually enjoy our friendship enough to keep being that retraumatizing to myself#and for whatever reason that usually doesn't end up being true with people i know who find the word guys to be misgendering#i don't have a point or an opinion here just an observation that when we ask others to remove triggers on our behalf#it may take the work of managing those triggers off our shoulders#but it doesn't go away#it just gets moved#and you need to keep track of how many triggers you're asking another person to manage on your behalf or you risk#overextending your friends' love and care for you in relation to their ability to love and care for themselves#so maybe try to share the weight when you can rather than handing it off.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
finally processing that we're probably gonna have to have these teeth removed with either sedation or general anaesthetic and unfortunately I have a phobia of both of these to the point where just thinking about it gives us panic attacks and I genuinely don't know what to do because I absolutely want to avoid this at all costs but we also might not have any other option
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#there is no amount of comfort or reassurance that can make me feel okay being sedated#like it's not even that I'm scared of side effects or risks or anything#I just can't even begin to express how much I absolutely do not want someone giving me a drug that's going to make me drowsy and incoherent#and also not remember anything afterwards#the premise of a stranger giving me a drug that's going to fuck up my ability to process anything or remember any of what happened#feels so incredibly violating and awful#like yes it's a medical context. yes I know it's so they can do the treatment. yes I know I'm supposed to trust them or whatever#but our brain doesn't process it like that. it's a stranger drugging you. that's terrifying regardless of the context#and given how much medical trauma we have and how awful some medical professionals have been to us#it happening in a medical context actually makes me feel worse#once again I'm not even necessarily scared of anything bad happening#even if you could absolutely guarantee that nothing bad would happen I would not be okay with it in the slightest#it's specifically the idea of my consciousness not being under my control#I take co-codamol for pain and that can make me drowsy and incoherent and fuck up my memory#but that's me choosing when to take it and how much to take and being able to stay away from people if I feel like I need to#and being able to make notes about what I've done and stuff like that#and there's a huge difference between that and being in a clinic having a procedure where you can't just get up and leave#and someone else is administering the meds and choosing the dosage and you're not the one in control of this situation#this makes me sound like a control freak and yeah I probably am#but that's kind of what haappens when you've had your bodily autonomy violated so many times by so many people
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm having a lot of feelings about 1x11 as is to be expected. Bellamy saying what he wants to say and then saying but I'm not the guy who says stuff like that to keep up his selfish asshole image despite clearly Caring So Much the entire episode. Immediately asking raven if it helped, knowing it didn't but hoping it did anyway. How clarke says only people who can be spared should go hunt, but when clarke, finn, and myles don't come back, it's raven, Octavia, Bellamy, and monty who go search for them, all arguably essential personnel.
And then when they find myles, Bellamy does exactly what he would have done if he had been there when they were attacked. He says they need to get myles, who is extremely injured, back to camp. He immediately says he's sorry to raven when he finds out that clarke and Finn were taken, because he assumes that means they're dead or worse, but he can focus on and save this one person, myles, who is in direct danger and in need of help.
#it's such a good br/aven ep obviously but its also such a good ep that showcases who bellamy really is at his core#because these things persist!#it goes on my list of bellamy always had the ability to use his head im tired of this dichotomy list#bc instead of bringing others and risking them after dark (esp after roma died going after o) he makes the logical call#and he won't leave myles behind#and you see moving forward how often he protects or chooses to protect someone who is in direct danger even at the expense of those who will#be later / eventually#murphy goes for echos suit because emori is gonna die without the helmet#and bellamy stops him because taking off echos suit dooms her and shes in direct danger of being killed#even tho emori is also dying#anyway im back hi his biggest defender and examiner always ❤️#muse: bellamy blake#meta: bellamy blake
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
So excited for SMN in 7.0 Sure, they probably won't fix any of the issues the job actually has but they ARE giving us another BIG FUCKOFF DRAGON that looks COOL AS SHIT and I for one am so on board.
#leaving this in the tags bc i am risking Participating in Discourse here#maybe I'm biased because I only started playing in 6.2 but#I actually really like smn as it exists now!#and I think the direction they've taken it post-6.0 is cool! and fun to play!#it doesn't have to be the most complicated job out there for me to find it enjoyable!#my only real complaint is that I wish you got the favor abilities in some fashion at a way lower level#I'm also very interested to see what the unassignables update looks like on SMN cause like.#we already got. Astral Flow is a button that exists to turn into other buttons.#interested to see if it sticks around though.#maybe they'll just get rid of it and put those buttons on top of the primal summons#anyways uh. yeah. i like smn and I'm excited to see where they take it in DT#ffxiv#gail speaks
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-
#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED#//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings#//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued#//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still#keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc#//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier#//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces#//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all#//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states#//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly#suicide mention tw#//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it#//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass#//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill#if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc)#into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him#//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being#the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them#//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment#//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself#//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it)#//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart#//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it#//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him#//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities#//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption#//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them#//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Aw man, just reread my document I wrote on my speculation on how the metagene works & how modern DC could rewrite it to being a result of retroviruses & transposons and man, I really wish I finished that post.
Unfortunately, the reason I stopped was explaining it all down to the point where someone with little genetic knowledge could still understand it proved to be too lengthy and long winded of a task.
Maybe one day I’ll pour myself back into research & finish that speculative paper. Bc I had a whole fun idea that relied on that background information that was about the Daily Planet reporting on the discovery of an entire city of metas with similar meta abilities. The town faced such high levels of radiation and contamination, only the population with the meta gene survived:(
#The meta ability was just super perfect cell replication.#No changes outward. They appear perfectly normal#to be clear. ppl still age. the power is just that their cells are super good at replicating the way they’re meant to#Zero chance of tumors or damaged DNA due to the radiation because their meta ability just resumes them to their previous state.#the city blows up afterward in the news cycle due to people trying to go there so they don’t die from cancer.#and don’t have a risk of cancer BUT THE CITY IS STILL IRRADIATED AS HELL AND THE PPL THAT ENTER CANNOT LEAVE#DUE TO THEM BECOMING SO RADIOACTIVE THEYRE A HAZARD TO BE CLOSE TO WITHOUT PPE#i just thought it was such a fun idea and me being me I overthink the shit outta things & made it super long and overcomplicated#because I wanted people to also learn what retroviruses & transposons were bc they’re cool as hell#and by the time I wrote 5K words on it#I didn’t want to take the shortcut and just embed other ppl’s videos explaining it bc I had already put too much effort into it#for me to delete that research#bones speaks#the cause? the city was built ontop a large kryptonite meteor.#and someone (cough cough LexCorp. but no one actually has enough legal proof to say it’s them)#and when it’s investigated. it appears that someone (cough cough LexCorp. there’s not any legal proof that can pin it on them.#so lexcorp once again escapes scott free without evidence of villany)#has been digging tunnels under the city and excavating it. the excavation not following proper mining protocols caused the city’s ground#and water supply to become extremely irradiated to the point where it’s like when ppl were just eating & drinking uranium products.#actually imma stop myself here & make this it’s own post#anyways. the radioactive bit gets figured out due to the poorly constructed tunnels collapsing and the city conducting an investigation#leading to a ‘oh shit. the Geiger counter is saying this sinkhole is Super radioactive.’#to ‘HOLY SHIT THATS THE ENTIRE TOWN’#to ‘wait fuck how are we still alive? to ‘a weirdly high percentage of folks in the town had metagenes so not a super significant amount#of ppl has died from abnormal lookin cancer.’ to ‘oh my god everyone that doesn’t have the meta gene here is slowly dying get them Out Now’#bones writes in the tags#anyways. that’s kinda the story#I’ll rewrite the tags into a proper post and see if I can revise it so my paper isn’t needed to make some plot points work#bc it’s a Far simpler explanation than the one I wrote in the doc so I’ll base it off of this version instead
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
"It even connects to your smart phone!"
Well... that's a huge downside for something to have, don't like that
#don't like it cause not only might it be harvesting data on me; but that also means it probably is real susceptible#to the manufacturer just deciding they don't support it anymore; specifically with software#and of course that not just meaning 'not support' but meaning 'we've bricked your working device'#like I get why people like it; the convenience of your whole life in the palm of your hand#but I don't trust like that#to me it's an unneeded massive point of failure that risks me not actually owning the physical thing I bought#this is about a density meter for like... figuring alcohol content in home brewing#and like... neat... but the moment they said 'it even connects to your smart phone' that's a massive red flag to me and I don't like that#takes it from 'if I ever start brewing maybe I should get that'#to '...man... I don't know that I trust them not to brick my shit with hostile software'#know nothing about the company; but that's how I feel about all app based shit#maybe just like... measure my shit for me and keep and internal log... oh; and a usb port and the ability to interface with standard OSs#that would be nice; like then I can rip the logs off your thing onto my computer#but nah... I don't want a phone involved unless I plug it in with a usb#I'd rather it be a little less convenient for me; but not use a wifi signal#cause then you can't fuck with it; no one can fuck with it; except me when I plug direct into it#...don't want my shit connecting to the internet; and that's the other problem with apps#they pretty much can't mean anything but an internet connection... cause how else does it talk to your phone?#if it's not my computer; frankly it should be dumb and totally offline with usb ports (or other HDMI whatever) for communicating#tv should be a dumb blackbox; oven should be a dumb blackbox; sadly even thermostats and shit should be a dumb blackbox#this shit makes life easier... till it doesn't; and if I don't have total control over it then someone else does#like... if I have a closed system smart home; that's one thing; but if I use a standard one that means anyone can access it#both in terms of random employees being caught peeping on me (and tos that say they're allowed to gather data on my sexuality and shit)#to the fact that if it hooks up to the internet and someone can connect to it... they just have to get past security and they're in#like my car shouldn't fucking be harvesting data on me; that tos example wasn't random; that's lifted from one of car companies tos#online is vulnerable; online is unsecured more often than not; it's a fucking risk that isn't worth it#it's like all those keyless cars getting stolen cause all they gotta do is catch your fob's signal and then spoof it#I want it dumb and connecting to nothing 95% of the time#sometimes I want it dumb and connecting only with a direct wire#I in theory might want it smart but on a closed home network I have complete control over
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
brennan trend of characters who view their bodies not necessarily as themselves but as a Tool they can use to earn favor from / a place with other people (often as an Apology for who they are) has me thinking about Zelda's Ending of All Things vision again
#N posts stuff#eg: Sean who is most at peace Explicitly when he allows other people to order him around -> tool for others to use#or Nikhil who includes himself in the worldview of 'every living thing is Inherently selfish and cruel' and so uses his body for Sex#bc that's an act that can bring him some pleasure while also getting him Favors from other people bc he doesn't think anyone#would be willing to help him / be decent to him otherwise -> bargaining chip to earn favor#or Hob who views himself - as his superiors say - as a 'blunt instrument' wielded best by other people who are smarter than him#his entire self-perception is cornerstoned by his ability to follow orders regardless of what he wants -> tool for others to use#following this thread we have Zelda - whose Vision is defined only by a concert where she is just Tearing Through iterations of herself#we know she struggles w/ self-image and self-deprecation -> pondering the potential that Zelda ALSO sees her body as#something of a Tool she can use to gain favor / friendship bc she doesn't feel capable of offering any Social benefit to others#her body as a Shield she can put in front of her friends and a Weapon she can wield to defend them - regardless of the damage#she risks posing to herself -> Zelda tearing bloodily through her own body w/ no regard to the consequences bc What Else Does She#Have To Offer? ; so she can't stop Attacking and also can't stop Taking The Hits -> this building into the scene the maidens glimpse#Zelda who kills / dies for her friends bc she isn't worth anything outside of that -> bargaining chip to earn favor#interesting though how Zelda does not necessarily seem to Confront this as much as she Flees from it; due to the nature of#the gameplay focusing primarily on the Player Characters as opposed to Zelda as an NPC#the others find some degree of Peace w/ their vision but Zelda leaves snarling 'i Super don't like it here' as she flees from it#anyway i Will write a fic about this one day but first we have to Ponder it more lol
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reading Gyo by Junji Ito is wild because it's like,
Me: haha this is the one about a shark with spider legs, right?
Junji Ito: haha yeah! And then it starts to get weird! :)
Me: I'm sorry what
#original#gyo#gyo junji ito#junji ito#ito junji#ito junji gyo#gyo shark#pov: u thought the story was gonna BUILD UP TO the shark but turns out the shark's at the start & is tame/grounded compared to what's next#also pov: u thought the humor would make it less upsetting but nope#truly one of the most disgusting stories I've ever read. like in terms of really really gross imagery. I don't know if I like it or not even#but I continue to be blown away by his artistry and skill and ability to make any and all unhinged bullshit scarily visceral#looooot of corpses in this one. his corpses are usually the most upsetting thing he draws in my experience. sooooo grossssssss#a shitload of body horror in this one but for several reasons this body horror was more upsetting to me than his other work#which is fine but it hit on too many squicks for me personally to enjoy so i won't be revisiting this one like i will with Tomie.#like if you have body dysmorphia around your weight or your smell or your complexion I recommend skipping this one actually#some horror stories are not for everyone and that's okay. idk if any horror story is palatable for everyone and that is good actually.#horror takes risks and digs deep into the terrors and traumas of the human psyche. it is alienating by nature.#but this is also why it can feel like a cathartic release under the right circumstances#horror art#shark#sharks#spiders#'haha what if sharks had spider legs?' jokes Junji Ito as he prepares to go FULLY OFF THE RAILS 'haha that sure would be scary haha :)'#you can't underestimate this man his brain is buckwild#I have such mad fucking respect for a fully unhinged horror story.#especially if it starts unhinged and gets weirder from there in ways I could never have guessed
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#this year is just the weirdest christmas vibe i've ever had goning on#i have all the stuff for a hallmark-y christmas: it's cold for once on christmas eve! i have a kitchen and a bare tree#but family is overworked and stressed and and i'm sick and worn out from retail so no visiting or sharing baking#so no reason to bake or decorate - even though i fully have the ability! the things are sitting out i am looking at them#but i just want to bury in the bed and read sad or schmoopy fanfic instead#i just can't get in the mood and it's so disappointing bc i remember loving having like#christmas music on and singing along and baking and i never could do much in my apartment bc of it being so small etc#and now i have a full big kitchen counter and could have the tree i always wanted and play christmas cartoons loudly#and it wouldn't bother anyone and there's lights up in the neighborhood i could go see but#i'm just so exhausted and generally discouraged and it's the MOST first world of situations but i may never get#another chance to have a christmas like this and who knows where/how i'll be next year ...#maybe it's really just the not being able to bake - like i don't even really feel like it but i still get sudden impulses#and it's like nope no family to cart tins of cookies to - can't take them or cake to work bc don't want to risk people getting sick#tempted to just force myself into christmas spirit but then the apathy just rolls back over me#i'm so worried about my bil and sister who are stressed bc if medication shortages#and all y'all who are suffering power outages and winter weather onslaught and stressful weekend plan changes#and seasonal overwork and all that entails i'm worried for you also and wishing for everything to be better and go well for you#it just feels like everyone's having an anxious exhsusting holiday season this year and i would like so much better for us#than just 'making it through'#ugh now i'm making myself sappy and teary again#whatever - anybody bothering to read this just know i wish you warmth happiness and joy however they may come to you#hug your loved ones if you can love on your pets eat something for a treat and look at some pretty lights this evening#i maybe am gonna light some candles and put on music and see if my sis wants to call or facetime later#but first my rx are finally filled so i have to go fetch them#happy holidays whoever reads this - mutuals i love you and wish you the best may your evening be merry and bright#or at least warm!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
OH FUCK today I cut up the other half of the parmesan cheese wheel (awful) so there was a bunch of wax I had to shave off the cheese AND
I made this little guy. Just a little dude. Incredibly worth it.
#speculation nation#biiiig wheel of cheese and it's parmesan so it's hard & difficult to cut#i volunteered for it bc i have faith in my ability to not cut my fingers off. i do not have faith in that for some employees.#also feeling responsible for their health and safety meaning i take more risks yadda yadda yadda whatever#WHAT'S IMPORTANT is that when i finished the awful work of shaving the wax off#there wasnt anything to do immediately so i started pressing the wax bits together. no goal immediately#but it got large enough that i was like. 'what if hes a little kitty lol'#so i made a little dude approximately the size of a ping pong ball. and i love him.
3 notes
·
View notes