#also thank u for ur tags ;w;

[kusanagihaku]

don't mind this too much I'm just typing out my thoughts but I feel like Haku carries around a lot of emotional baggage and this might be because of his issues with his family and maybe--if there are any--unresolved issues with Frostheim?? I know him and Tohma aren't on the best terms fs.

Anyway, I feel like whenever Haku brings up any issues from the past he talks about them so... casually? When Haku brings up Tohma in his home screen voice lines, it doesn't seem like he holds any grudges toward Tohma--if anything I read it thinking they were almost friendly with each other before I saw his campus convo w/ Tohma. It's also silly to me how when Haku brought up his family being "happy to see him gone" he didn't seem like he was bothered by it at all. I don't mean to say he was actually unbothered by it ofc I just feel like he definitely has a lot of baggage and I want to assume he tries not to ponder on it too much for his own mental health and to maybe not be a burden on others?? lowkey relatable but my take on Haku is that he definitely doesn't like to bring up his past unless it's relevant to the conversation 😭 and even then he gives a vague amount of details and doesn't really seem to state his opinions on them.

I feel like his affinity 19 line kinda just reaffirmed this for me? it just seems like he bottles up a lot of his emotions so when you get really close to him he feels comfortable enough to just vent a little bit... but even so he still apologizes. it's also interesting to me how when you get closer to him with affinity he lets you in on his life a little more (his poor sleep habits, his kind of ominous level 25 line, also his mini rant about how much it must suck to have a curse. his input on that is interesting to me given that he's so close to Rui and he tells mc that he knows how to get around a curse but I digress)

my affinity with Haku is like 5 right now so I can't really speak but he's definitely one of my favorites so far so I wanted to ask an actual Haku fan what they thought!!!

regarding haku bottling things up: i agree with you that haku seems like he's carrying around a lot but tries not to think about it too much? i don't think he bottles it up on purpose, but haku does seem like he has a 'if i don't think too much about it i can pretend it didn't happen' kind of vibe. which is also what happened when we go to ask him about the clash - he doesn't want to talk about it since it brings up pretty bad memories for the ghouls.

but more so, i think he might also be a 'it already happened, so why bother thinking about it so much?' kind of person. he brings up his family being "happy to see him gone" and how they think he's an "irresponsible heir" in a pretty flippant way, which makes me think he's either refusing to think about it too much because he'll actually need to think about what will happen after he graduates from darkwick, or he's already finished processing it and is all like it is what it is, what can i do?

i'm leaning more towards the latter because of how casually he treats it and how he just drops it into conversation. it's not big enough of an issue to him that he has to keep himself from dumping it all on you. it doesn't read like a shameful secret either, just more like a part of him and his history that just is - it just slips out whenever it comes up in conversation. after all, there's nothing he can do to change it, right?

sidenote: it also makes me wonder if haku is putting in so much effort in hotarubi missions not only to make up for subaru and zenji (given that subaru has limited firepower and zenji is... zenji...) but also to prove (to who? to himself? to whoever is watching?) that he can be responsible, he can take care of his house... after all, it's not as if subaru and mc can go talk to his family and show them how responsible he actually is in taking care of hotarubi... right?

regarding higher affinity lines 19 to 23: i agree!! it seems like the closer you get to him, the more relaxed and open he seems around you. although the higher affinity lines do just read like you're just spending a lot more time in hotarubi in general - you're awake / maybe i'll take a nap / i'm going to bed... you're around hotarubi and spending so much time together with him in his room your hours start blurring together. it's really cute also when i think about him hinting in his chat he wants to take a nap with you on the veranda. haku, rest!!!!! i say, ignoring my own massive sleep debt.

regarding his affinity 24 line about being cursed: the more i read it, the more i wonder if it's not just him being sympathetic to rui and mc being cursed... what if haku has also been cursed? that's why he's so clear about the helplessness and the "why me?" that accompanies the curse... either that or he's just a really great listener and really empathetic and kind. which, given what we've seen of him, is also a very real possibility. he has a really big heart i'm gna beat his entire family up please he needs someone on his side and to see the good in him beyond what he does for others for ONCE

regarding affinity 25 line: i've been thinking about this also!! why does he want you to forget about him, and why does he think that's selfish!!!! you want to remember him and your time together because no matter what happens in the end / if you're hurt by him or your curse, these memories are precious to you - even if you lose him, at least he was yours to lose.

he wants you to forget because somehow, he thinks the memories you have of him will cause you pain. he doesn't want to see you suffer through the process of losing him as you succumb to your curse. if you just forgot him, maybe you could go a lot easier. to him, it's selfish because you clearly don't want to forget and they're your memories and it's your prerogative, but for his own sake, he wants you to forget because he wants to see you go without pain. if you forget about him, the only one who suffers will be him.

or: haku knows memories make a person. he knows this from subaru's stigma, and he knows this from how ghosts are just memories of people who live on. once the anomaly in you takes over, if you'd just forget about him, as long as it doesn't carry any memories of your life together, it means that you're well and truly gone and he can now kill the anomaly with the knowledge that there is nothing left of you, without any sort of guilt.

regarding the haku-tohma relationship: i think also in light of the theory that haku was a frostheimer who transferred out to hotarubi (and perhaps even transferred out alongside yuri) and left a big gap for tohma to fill, it makes sense that tohma doesn't see him in a good light. tohma seems like the kind who values loyalty a lot (given how he maintains his friendship with alan), and as a result might see haku as a traitor to jin/frostheim. which also explains why when they met in ep7 ch19 tohma was all like, "our wheelhouse?" when haku used 'our' to refer to himself as part of hotarubi, as if something about haku treating himself as part of hotarubi rubs tohma the wrong way. maybe he's bitter haku doesn't think of himself as frostheim anymore? which doesn't make too much sense to me since tohma transferred out of vagastrom... unless he also thinks of himself as vagastrom at heart? maybe his frostheim identity is stored in his monocle

at the same time, haku just treats tohma sort of coolly ("if you've got something to say to me, just say it.") - he doesn't want to play politics like tohma does. which i think is very much in line with what you said about him not holding any grudges towards tohma - if anything, the tension seems very one-sided and something haku wants to leave behind.

(that one theory going around also makes sense to me... that haku would transfer out of frostheim not because of anything major but because he couldn't stand the rich people politics going on in there... he's too lazy for that sort of shit... which is why he enjoys hotarubi a lot more, since subaru is a really sincere person and zenji is just... zenji...)

anyway tldr; sorry this was a massive word vomit and idk if i even answered anything but i think haku just needs someone on his side for once and mc needs to stop second-guessing him because i, for one, will follow him wherever he goes,,,

[sluckythewizard]

Keep calm, and drink soda

[CW for blood and gore and vomit] takes place a day or two after emizel was sired. just two boys adjusting to a shift in their daily norms. would YOU drink your homies blood? still not used to writing fanfic so any and all advice IS appreciated. i hope u enjoy.

There were very few things that Soda enjoyed more than well, drinking soda. It was a hobby, an interest, a comfort. And by extension there were very few errands that Soda would look forward to more than the occasional soda run.

The gas station closest to the Demons hideout had stopped selling Faygo entirely about a month or two ago, and it was near impossible to find it anywhere else. The closest place was now this janky little Shell gas station, lovingly titled the Shady Shell, that thankfully sold more flavors than any of the other ones ever did.

It made the hour and a half walk here entirely worth it. Even if this side of town made his skin crawl. Normally he would ask someone to accompany him on this daring little quest, but everyone at the hide out tonight just seemed too tired, too preoccupied, too uninterested.

He knew not everyone really got the soda thing, but they were accepting of it for the most part. Soda is something that, clearly, Soda really loves, but he knew not everyone else was into it.

Which was fine, of course. They didn't need to get it. But, still, sometimes Soda found himself wondering how much of it was a bit, and how much was him.

Emizel gets it perfectly though. He would've been the first person Soda would ask to go on this soda run with him, but, well. He's been preoccupied too, with the whole vampire thing.

It's been a bit more than a day since Soda had last seen his close comrade. For a friend that he saw just about everyday, going without him this long left him feeling a little emptier.

That was fine, though. Emizel had shit he was working out, he had things he needed to do. It's not like he could go out in the day anymore, so of course Soda wouldn't be seeing him at all the usual times.

It was a lot of weird and heavy magical stuff, it made Soda think about those superhero shows. Where the hero needs to keep his identity hidden from everyone. Family especially. He knows how much of a piece of shit Emizels dad is, so he hoped that Emizels home life wasn't stirred up all stupid-like over this.

He hasn't told anyone else, about what happened that night. For the last 2 days, Soda would spend time with close friends and not let them know a thing about what happened to Emizel so, so recently. Why he's so suddenly absent, so distant, so.. off…

'Maybe his dad's just giving him a hard time', he would say, hoping to smother their questions. The less questions they ask, the better. At least until this vampire stuff gets figured out a bit more. Should Emizel wear a disguise when he goes out at night now? Just like a superhero? What kind of hero outfit would Emizel have anyways? Soda figured it would be something really cool.

If anyone could figure out a way to balance all this vampire stuff, and all the leaderly responsibilities that come with being the biggest dog in the Demons, it was Emizel for sure. That guy is so seriously cool.

He was sure this rough patch would even out, and they would weather the next rough patch together no problem. There was really nothing to worry about! All Soda has to do is stay positive, and well, drink soda.

As Soda walks quietly down the crumbling sidewalks of this dreary hive of strip malls and shops, he goes to pull his backpack around to his chest, fumbling with the zipper in the dark. Which was a little annoying, considering the tab of his zipper had fallen off forever ago. He really needed to get around to fixing this damn thing. Maybe another ziptie and a soda tab will do the trick.

Humid air hangs heavy in the night, the sidewalks still somewhat warm after a hotter day. The diesel-soaked air provided enough warmth on its own that Soda had considered taking his jacket off a few times, only for the occasional, annoyingly sharp and chilly breeze to brush by, reminding him to keep the thing on.

Tripping only once and only slightly on an uneven sidewalk, Soda manages to pull a bottle of Faygo from his backpack, a smile glowing on his face. Another short fight with the zipper seals up the bag, and he slings it over his shoulder again.

His flavor of choice tonight was actually the Red Pop, the tried and true, the absolute classic, one of the best Faygo flavors for sure.

But, this kind wasn't actually his favorite. Normally he would stock up on the cotton candy ones, but something about the last few days had him craving the red stuff.

Securing his backpack all the way, he goes to crack open the bottle. Just the clack and the hisssss of the fizzy drink were enough to lift his mood.

Not that his mood needed lifting or anything. Of course. Sure he missed his friend and sure he found himself wondering what he’s doing and where he is and if he's okay. Maybe sometimes he found himself wishing they talked about funeral plans more.

Emizel talked up all sorts of crazy funeral ideas for himself, usually involving the use of his dead body as an inconvenience for others. Outlandish and hilarious ideas, like filling it with explosives and tossing it into a busy road. But what would he want seriously? What would Soda ever do if he just stopped showing up one day?

He had to swallow down all these unnecessary anxieties, so he took a swig of his soda. Sweet, bubbly, comforting. He felt better already! Just stay positive, and drink soda..

It was a lovely night out, and he didn't come all this way planning on letting it go to waste. There was a place he was heading towards, a particular alleyway in this particular place that led off to a particularly tall concrete ledge.

 It was a run-down little space, littered with trash and shitty trees and those bushes with just too many goddamn ants in them. But the view was fairly nice, overlooking a massive deformed intersection. A particularly stupid one, at that; about 3 times a week you could witness a gnarly crash at this spot. Soda always heard people saying that LA folks can't drive, but he was just starting to figure that maybe no one can drive.

That was the place he really wanted to go to enjoy this soda, and he wasn't too far off from it. Just a few more blocks, and he would be there.

Oh wait, didn't he still have a bag of chips in this backpack somewhere? Hell yeah, he couldn't wait to sit down and relax with a good soda, a good snack, and a good view of the night.

Living as a Demon had its fair share of stresses. He felt lucky to have this life, but he knew well that it could be better. That not everyone has to worry about survival the way they do. That not everyone gets injured on the regular and not everyone has to worry about being sick and never getting better.

Living is hard. But it's finding the small moments of joy that make it all worth it. Dying would be scarier anyway. He didn't want to die, and he felt glad to feel so confident in that nowadays.

The sudden   THUNK  of something slamming into the ground just a block away from him, jolts him out of his thoughts, all his gears screeching to a halt as he freezes in place. What the fuck was that?

It looked like a person, laying flat on the ground with only their head and shoulders peeking out of the alleyway ahead. Fuck. He hated this side of town..

Anxiety churns in his stomach as he debates just turning around, but the way the victim reaches an arm out, attempting to crawl away; it made his heart ache aswell. he's no goddamn fighter, but he couldn't just leave someone like th-

The body is suddenly yanked back into the alley, snatched at a startling speed. It didn't feel exactly real, how could something vanish so fast? It reminded Soda of something from a horror movie, or whatever. What the fuck was that??

His foot takes a step forward, before the rest of his body notices its rebellion and locks down again. Was he seriously going to investigate that? He could just walk away and take another alley. But that was the one he was supposed to turn down! All the other alleys are either walled off or gated off and he wasn't about to go climbing over a damn wire gate. His soda would get too shaken up! Fuck!

Another foot goes in for another step forward. He's gotta get the fuck out of here. He could hear more commotion in the alleyway, a scuffle, a skirmish. He could hear someone cursing through a choked breath. A loud and nauseating crack echoes out from the alley, and yet, Soda takes another step forward.

This was stupid, he shouldn't be getting tangled up in someone else's business. What if something happened to all this soda?

Thankfully, it was that thought that actually got him to pause, and take in a deep breath. It wasn't worth it, maybe he should head straight home.

Atleast, that was the thought his heart and mind were about to agree on, until a particularly familiar grroowwwwlll bleeds out from the alley.

Emizel?

All reason immediately evaporates as Soda makes that connection in his head, stepping right up to the corner of the brick walls, and peering around to investigate.

There was a body on the floor, face down in a puddle of red, head split open in a way that reminded Soda of a smashed watermelon.

But standing over that body, was the familiar, blackened coat, and short blonde hair, of Sodas closest comrade, Emizel.

Despite the carnage on the floor, Soda couldn't help the smile that lights up his face. That was Emizel! That was his boy!

But before he could get over just how happy he felt to see his best friend, something else caught his eye. Movement, behind the dumpster closest to the vampire boy. A person, rising out from the shadows with a glinting baseball bat clutched fiercely in their hands.

"Oh fuck, look out!" Soda speaks up, and Emizels gaze immediately clicks over to him, silencing Soda with just that startlingly red stare.

He had forgotten just how uneasy those red eyes made him..

The attacker, silent and professional, rushes up behind Emizel and CRACKS the metal bat downwards onto his blonde head, the sound ringing out like a  gun shot  in that dark little alleyway.

Soda cringes from just the sound of the impact, but was amazed to find that the bat had warped under the force of it!

The attacker hardly had a chance to process his mangled weapon before Emizel whips around to retaliate.

It looked like he had just swung his hand at his opponent, so the way a shower of red spills outward from the slash, catches Soda completely off guard. The monster boy had cleaved an excruciatingly massive gash up from the attackers right hip, to his left shoulder, the slice spewing with scarlet.

 It wasn't until Emizel had pulled back his arm, that Soda could process the way it had darkened with more than just blood, distorted into an odd, spear-like shape.

The victim hardly had a chance to yelp before that blade swoops up into his chest at the speed of a snapping bear trap, plunging through meat and bone with disturbing ease, and forcing blood and viscera to erupt outwards. The red patters down onto the concrete behind, the sound similar to rain...

With another low, inhuman snarl, Emizel brings the twitching, dying body closer, until that signature squish of teeth sinking into fresh meat bleeds outward into the space.

What a disgusting sound, Sodas first instinct was to simply avert his eyes, but as the sound persists, he resolves that he has to do something.

He finally steps out into the alley, and speaks.

"Hey ma-"

He could hardly get two words out before Emizel suddenly rips its teeth away from its victims throat, tearing out a hefty chunk of jellied meat, and slamming the remaining fodder onto the concrete floor.

It immediately whips around to stare down Soda, red eyes glowing with reflected light, and with hardly a chance to process the moment-

-It's immediately right infront of Soda.

A gasp lurches from Soda's lungs as he almost stumbles back in shock. How was Emizel so fucking fast?

Other than that single step back, Soda was frozen in shock, his tongue buzzing with the physical pain of such a startling jolt. 'White boy jumpscare' is something that came to mind, but while usually such a thought would evoke some sort of laugh from Soda, this time it offered no such comfort. Okay maybe it did a little.

Emizels snarling face was only inches away from Sodas. Its eyes were wild and unnatural, teeth menacingly sharp and reddened with so much fucking blood. It was everywhere, coating most of his face, smothering his shirt and his coat, and absolutely choking the air with its thick, metallic stench.

Soda would gag if he felt he was safe to even move. He felt like he was locking eyes with that of a creature, something he would only ever see in his nightmares or in scary movies. But it was real. Those monsters are real. And his best friend is one of those monsters. His bestest friend in the world...

His mind was skewered on that unnatural glare, completely frozen with anxiety. Stalling too hard to come to a proper conclusion, Soda instead falls back onto what Soda does best.

"H-hey man... You want some soda?"

He very gently presses the opened bottle of Faygo into Emizels chest.

The two boys stand there for a moment, locked in a tense, silent pause, before the monster boy finally peels its gaze down to the bottle.

It's quiet, for a few seconds, the gears turning in its head. Until the monster blinks, and its eyes clear, and Emizel processes the sight of the bottle.

"Oh, fuck yeah dude, is that the Candy Apple Faygo? Man, that stuffs my favorite!" Emizel smiles as he goes to accept the bottle, and immediately takes a massive swig.

Soda tries to disregard the way his hands were still shaking. "Uh, n-nah man, its just Red Po-"

The words are bit off as Emizel suddenly retches, a heavy flood of red blood and red Faygo spewing out onto Soda, as the vampire boys body entirely rejects the fizzy drink.

The shock of getting fucking projectile vomited on had snapped Soda out of whatever daze he was just in, and it seemed to snap Emizel out of it too. Soda backs up with a groan, looking down at all the blood and bile and pop on his shirt and coat.

"Ohhh fuck dude, what the hell??" He cringes, not even wanting to try smearing any of it off with his hand.

Emizel was coughing, still holding out the Faygo bottle, but hunched over as his body dared to convulse again.

"Ohhhhhh fuck, ohhooohhh fuuuuucckkk" he grumbles towards the floor "Fuuuck I’m sorry dude, I don't know what fuckin- oohhhgg shit,” He coughs and groans,  offering the bottle back to Soda.

Soda was still staring at his messied coat with a displeased grimace, but looking up to meet Emizels eyes...

There was a guilt on Emizels face that Soda didn't see too often, and it helped wash away that irritation he felt. This sucked, but Emizel was probably going through a lot more. 

“It’s, uhm.. don't, don't worry about it, man..” Soda decides to reassure him, offering a sympathetic smile, and a hand on Emizels shoulder, as his comrade spits out the remaining blood and bile.

"Fuckin hell… I’m uh, I'm sorry about your shirt, man."

"What? Nahh it's okay man, don’t worry about it." Soda shrugs, taking the Faygo bottle back. "I mean, are you okay man? That uh.. looked like a pretty crazy fight."

Emizel was rubbing his eyes, smearing more blood across his face as he seems to be collecting himself. he spares a glance back at the carnage behind him.  

"Ah.. yeah.. I thought I uh.. I thought I saw that one fucker from uh. That one night. Yknow, the one that uh.." He snaps his fingers, as if trying to summon back the memory. "Vampire bitch... Anyway after that I just kind of, uh.."

He seems to space out again as he looks around. It was as if he was just woken up from a deep sleep, like he was certain he had just known what he was doing, but found the dream escaping him. "I guess I just.. went crazy on these guys. I dunno, they're Fangs anyways." he finally shrugs it all off, but Soda still felt unsatisfied by the answer.

"Oh.. huh…” is the only response he manages to scrounge together. Sure they were Fangs, but did they really deserve.. all that? It just seemed a bit brutal, even by Emizels standards.

He found his eyes wandering over to the split-open head. It was mostly red and bloody, but even in the dark, he could still make out some of the finer details of the gray jelly seeping from the gash. A human brain. He wondered if his own brain looked the same on the inside..

“So what are you doing out here, man?” Emizels question helps Soda pull his eyes away from the gore, instead looking over to his bloodied comrade.

Emizel looked messy and even exhausted, but his drowsy gaze was focused on Soda with a worried expression. 

“Oh, uh, yknow, just a soda run. Decided I would stock up on some Faygo from the Shady Shell.” Soda shrugs, his eyes flickering down to the opened Faygo in his hand. The top was covered in regurgitated blood. unnaturally blackened blood…

“Are you.. okay, by the way? Other than the whole..” Soda gestures vaguely at the gruesome crime scene. “Are you hurt?”

The question has Emizel pausing to consider. He straightens his back and stretches his arms, as if trying to detect any pain from any possible injury. Nothing seemed to be bothering him though, and after a second, he decides to shrug.

“Nah, I'm all good.”

“Oh.. That's good, I uh…” Soda found himself looking over Emizel aswell, searching for any wounds the monster boy might be simply disregarding, as he often does.

There was a fairly gnarly gash on his shin..

“Hey uh, I was actually gonna go hang out by the ledge down that way. Yknow, the one with the funny intersection.” Soda says, gesturing off towards where he intended to go. “Wanna come with?”

Emizel looks back that way, before turning back to Soda with a big smile on his face. 

“Oh hell yeah I do! I love the funny intersection!” he starts to walk down the alley, about to step over the body of the broken skull, when Soda speaks up.

“Uh, hey, shouldn't we uh.. Do something about the.. uh..” He waves a hand over towards the bodies, trying not to look directly at them. 

Emizel spares the corpses an inconvenienced glance, and a sigh, but ultimately shrugs them off. “Ehhh I'll just dump 'em in a dumpster again.. That's what I've been doing anyway.”

“And you're not worried about, like, anyone finding them?”

Soda anxiously watches on as Emizel paces around the body with the torn-out throat, licking the blood from his own mouth. Was his tongue always that long and pointed? That's neat, and normally Soda would point it out, but he was a bit.. preoccupied right now 

“Nahh not really. I haven't had anyone bother me at least.. Anyone been bothering you?” Emizels eyes finally flick back over to Soda. 

“Nah, I'd say things are actually more lax than usual. Anything that would end up being trouble’s been pretty much crushe- er, killed- destr- stamped out, by uh, by you.” Sods was cringing with every attempt to find a word that didn’t make his stomach turn, but Emizel didn’t seem to notice or mind.

Emizels eyes were currently a bit more focused on the body laying before him. He had that weird look on his face again… 

“Uhh, yeah, yeah that's good that uh, no troubles coming back to you guys…”

There’s a moment of quiet between the two as Emizel stares at this corpse, and Soda was about to open his mouth to fill the silence, but Emizel speaks up instead.

“Hey uh, why don’t you go ahead of me? I’ll uh, I'll meet you at the place.” He suggests, pointing vaguely off down the alley, but not removing his eyes from the kill. 

Soda certainly hesitates, his eyes narrowing before he even forms a thought. He opens his mouth to object, but then his eyes flicker back towards the body.

“Are you gonna eat this one too?”

The question leaves Sodas mouth as soon as it comes to mind.

Emizel pauses, and considers, before giving a shrug. “I don't see why not. Perfectly good blood.” He reaches down to grab his kill by the shirt, the one with the split open head. As the corpse rises from the concrete, gray matter drips and sloughs from the crack in its skull. Once again, Soda felt the need to look away, and yet his stupid eyes remained fixated on the horrendous sight. Emizel looks over the spilling brain of his meal, licking his lips curiously. “Dude, what do you think would happen if I ate his brain?” Emizel asks, looking back over to Soda with a wild, bloodied smile. Something about that look made Soda shiver, but.. Not really in a bad way… “Uh, I.. Dunno…. Eating a persons brain is how you get like, mad cow disease right? But you might also be immune to disease.. Are you immune to disease?” “Uhhh, I don't know yet actually. I'm still figuring out how much of this is like video games,” Emizel says, rubbing the back of his head as he idly sways the body of his kill around, watching the blood and gore drip and drop from its broken head. “Eh, I'll chance it later.” Without another word or thought, Emizel goes to sink his teeth into the shoulder of his kill, a pleased growl radiating from him as the blood gushes around the bite. More fresh blood upon less fresh blood upon old blood upon older blood. Just so much fucking blood. Soda thought he was used to seeing blood, but this… this was just egregious. Was he really starting to get used to this? It’s just blood after all, and it’s not from his comrades, so it's… fine… He finally manages to pull his eyes away from the gruesome sight of Emizel feeding, but his eyes instead wander down to the blood on his own shirt. Emizels blood was strange, darker than usual, and carrying a different scent. Something about the smell of his blood was more savory, more appealing than the standard metallic miasm. His shirt was smothered in it, his jacket was coated in it, and his opened bottle of Faygo was also splattered with the deep red ichor. Ink swirls within the bottle of red fizzy, spreading out into all sorts of odd patterns. It was a lot of blood. He was certain a lot of it came from however many people Emizels been feeding on. With how much hes been terrorizing the Fangs in just the last few days, and with how nonchalantly he feasts on his kills, who knows how much blood hes actually ingested… Soda swirls the bottle, watching the blood inside thin out into strands, dancing within the bubbly soda as they gradually dissipate, fully assimilating into the drink. A bad idea chews at the back of his head… The sound of ripping flesh once again knocks at Sodas head. He doesn’t look up this time, but he knew Emizel was just playing with his food again..  Did blood taste good to a vampire? Did some blood taste better than others? What did Sodas blood taste like? What did Emizels blood taste like? There's a visceral snap of something among the chewing and ripping, very clearly a bone or a joint snapping out of place. It made Soda shiver a little. When did his heart start pounding? There's an animal standing only 8 feet away from him, feeding on its kill. That animal is a person, and so is its kill. He wanted to know what vampire blood tasted like, but he already knew what human blood tasted like. It hung so densely in the air, he could feel it forming a vile film over his tongue. The blood of a person just like him. Eaten by an animal that eats people.  All this stress was no good. This bile rising to his throat was no good. This creeping anxiety was no good. He's friends with an animal that eats people. Would it eat him? This weird feeling was no good. Maybe it will never eat him. But it needs to eat people. This worry was no good. He needed to wash this awful taste from his mouth, replace it with something sweeter. He needed to keep his head clear enough to be there for Emizel when he needed to be. He needed to hold a light to these shadows. And he needed to stay positive, and drink soda. He takes a swig of the open Faygo bottle.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Ari :(( thinking about suguru again I fear,, when am I not,, thats not the point,, but thinking about you getting an injury maybe breaking an arm or something and he’s so worried. Doesn’t want his baby hurt :(( frets and freaks out like not really freaks out cause I think he’d be calm but he cares. Wants to know how it happened and if you’re in pain. If someone else caused it he’s out to kill. You ask him to sign your cast and he almost sobs. Doesn’t let you lift a finger. He never lets you lift a finger but even more so now. Helps you shower or take a bath and is just so careful. Loves to wash your hair for you. Puts in effort too to learn how you do your hair. Helps you get dressed even if you’re like I can do that >:(( cause he doesn’t want you to overwork yourself. Helps you carry things. If you came to him crying when it happened his poor heart would shatter. Getting a cast to match his eyes :((. He wouldn’t like that you’re hurt but I think he’d like taking care of you more. Like he understands you wanting to do things for yourself and thats why he never pushed before but now he has a reason to push. Complaining about how you look with the cast thinking it makes you look ugly or something and he’s instantly like. Take that back. Take it back. Cause you’re cute always don’t you see? He just wants to nurse you back to health. He loves you so much.

:((((((( REMMMMMM R U GENUINELY OUT TO GET ME WTF ……… this made me so sniffly i love him so bad 💔💔 (this got long also oops)…

no bc rem as literally always we’re holding hands and our brains are syncing …. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve daydreamed abt this exact scenario LIKE IT’S SOOOO PERFECT FOR HIM and you literally described it so well i wanna cry …. there’s fluff potential and there’s angst potential but more than anything it’s just a whole bunch of hurt/comfort and you alr know what that trope does to me 😔😔

but gosh….. he would just be. so so worried and doting :(((((( and he would feel so guilty :(((((((( like no matter how you got the injury i feel like he would blame himself for it. for not being there or not watching over you enough. even if you tell him that it wasn’t his fault…… and then he overcompensates by coddling you even more than usual…… T—T ”doesn’t want his baby hurt” hhhhhh sugu viewing his s/o as his baby specifically makes me lose it like he’s sooo serious abt being your caretaker….. it’s his job to protect you and he failed……. :((( poor baby would beat himself up over it so much 💔💔

frets and freaks out like not really freaks out cause I think he’d be calm but he cares. Wants to know how it happened and if you’re in pain. If someone else caused it he’s out to kill. You ask him to sign your cast and he almost sobs. (…) If you came to him crying when it happened his poor heart would shatter.

☹️☹️☹️☹️ OUR BABYYYYY no bc i think he would absolutely panic but he’d do it silently…. you’re so right rem………. you’re sniffling and trying to explain what happened and he’s trying not to push you but he’s just so so worried and he needs to know what’s going on to feel okay again :((( needs to know what happened so he can figure out how to proceed. bc his chest just feels so tight and he knows it’s not going away until you’re smiling again.. sob.

AND OH BOYYYY if someone else caused it……………. yeahhh he’s out for Blood i fear. even if it was an accident i think he would hold everyone except for you accountable. your friend convinced you to pull a risky stunt? he subtly tries to steer you away from their company (if you stay friends he’s civil but prefers not to interact with them at all/only smiles at them coldly if he has to). you fell while rock climbing bc the safety gear wasn’t tight enough? he’s calling everyone involved just to make sure you get compensated. goes full karen mode honestly like he is speaking to the manager today. the ceo. the Man in Charge. and god forbid if someone like.. directly hurt you…… idk if suguru is the type to beat them up for it (he’s 100% tempted though) but at the very least he’s making sure they never get close to you again. files a restraining order and everything. obviously sues them too. i feel like he would work with law in a no curses au so it just makes sense to me yk??

WAIT ALSO asking him to sign your cast :(((( that’s so CUTE and him almost sobbing….. rem……. i love him so much my heart hurts. you ask him to do it all smiley and happy and he gives you a smile in return but it’s just a little wobbly. writes his signature while you’re all :33 but then you look up and his eyes are glassy…. and if you point it out he just sniffles and apologizes…… 🥺🥺🥺 he’s a baby. our baby.

Doesn’t let you lift a finger. He never lets you lift a finger but even more so now. Helps you shower or take a bath and is just so careful. Loves to wash your hair for you. Puts in effort too to learn how you do your hair. Helps you get dressed even if you’re like I can do that >:(( cause he doesn’t want you to overwork yourself.

T—T remmmm….. you’re gonna be the death of me i swear like these hcs are all SO cute. he’s the only Man ever. ohhh he would be so so gentle like it’s actually insane :(((( cradles you in the bath….. smiles when you get all relaxed and sleepy but then he glances down at your arm again and goes all :c bc he just hates this so much. not taking care of you but just. knowing that you’re in pain….. i think he feels very intense physical discomfort so he just tries not to think about it and puts his all into tending to you instead. wraps you up in a fluffy towel and dries your hair and clothes you in his big cozy hoodie.

i think it could get a little frustrating bc he really would straight up baby you. which i would eat up personally but it’d also be a little overwhelming. he doesn’t give you much of a choice though bc he’s so intent on making his baby feel better :((

aaaa now i’m just imagining you getting a little hissy at him…. bc he’s coddling you to the point where maybe you feel a little disrespected? like he just insists on feeding you or whatever and it’s cute at first but then it’s like…. i have hands. but anyway i think it would break his heart if you got mad at him :((( he doesn’t want to make you feel incompetent but if he’s not taking care of you constantly he feels a little like his heart is about to burst….. sigh. i just feel like this would be hurt/comfort from both sides tbh 💔

He wouldn’t like that you’re hurt but I think he’d like taking care of you more. Like he understands you wanting to do things for yourself and thats why he never pushed before but now he has a reason to push.

AAAA AND THIS!!!!!! SOOOO TRUE SO REAL he’d definitely feel guilty and he’d hate seeing you hurt but i agree….. he would absolutely love a chance to pamper you. once he gets over the initial shock and panic and discomfort and you’re feeling better i think he’s almost kinda smug abt it . bc now he has an excuse to carry you around and help you with putting on your shoes and … idk i think he would just feel so useful and needed. he feels guilty abt being pleased bc you’re in pain :(( but like… a part of him is for sure jumping with joy at the chance to spoil you the way he wants to.

Complaining about how you look with the cast thinking it makes you look ugly or something and he’s instantly like. Take that back. Take it back. Cause you’re cute always don’t you see? He just wants to nurse you back to health. He loves you so much.

😥😥😥😥😥😥 i cried real tears. i know i’m just picking out literally every single part of your ask atp but it rlly did make me insane ok ……. ”take that back. take it back.” I SCREAMEDDD YOU GET HIM LIKE NO ONE ELSE DID YOU KNOW THAT…… he’s SO genuinely offended on your behalf he’s like how DARE you say that about my baby >:(( and it’s like. suguru i AM your baby. but he doesn’t care at all he refuses to hear you out. just reassuring all around!!! ”cause you’re cute always don’t you see?” T—T he loves you so fervently… you’re the cutest person in the world to him….. he’s so Good. sigh.

so anyways this did something to me tysm for the food rem my dearest <333 gonna daydream abt this forever and ever you’re so sweet for sharing this with me it’s like we’re having a sugu meal together :33 i love hurt/comfort w him more than anything else on the planet hhhhh….

[swordheld]

i have been scrolling through ur page and noticed that u tend to put long, thoughtful tags underneath nearly every post u reblog & i just thought that was very endearing since the general trend is short and concise. im not sure why i felt the need to write u and let u know, but i just felt very compelled to. pls never stop being u.

this is so very sweet of you!! it's an old habit that i have held onto for the longest time, mostly due to the fact of tags being excellent for organization (my beloved) but also as a kind of extra space for whatever else you'd like to include without actually including it in the post when others share it for themselves! it's that perfect mixture of private n public.

for this blog specifically it's something that i enjoy since it's really an exercise or activity in enjoyment / enrichment? i like to think about why i was so inclined to reblog it, to pin it up to this lil space on the interwebs that's all my own. whether that's the colors, or the wording of things, or just what it makes me think about or feel, it's just a really lovely way of considering it all a little deeper!

which is not something that comes easy, or at minimal energy, sometimes! my likes are extensive (i keep attempting to clean them out and bring back my queueing system but we are up to 5k and i am very tired at the moment, lol) for that reason, and it's like a small goal to try to chip away at them over time, to see what treasure i can discover today.

alternatively, it's also a really nice near - time capsule of a thing; to be able to comb through my archive and see what has changed in my outlook, what sticks out to me now versus then, is really fascinating to see how far i've come and what's changed. there's something so lovely about time being instilled so deeply into this lil mini game of online scrapbooking that i adore; so i'm peached n overjoyed that you find some joy in it as well!!

this is all to say: thank you sm and i hope you try it out for yourself if it's something you think you might have fun with! let me know how it goes :)

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[p4nishers]

character whose whole philosophy is "if i don't do everything i can, what use am i? what use am i anyway?"

[spirallingstarcases]

you are what you love, not who loves you.

in that case, i am a mouth. i am teeth. i am a hungry thing. but god, it loves me too. it loves me too it loves me too it loves me itlovesmeitlovesmeitloves

[based on jennifer’s body peterick au by @meat-wentz]

[anambermusicbox]

okay so anyone following me can just politely scroll past this but the release of this album is genuinely so monumental, i just want to record some of my initial thoughts

every song sounds so incredibly good!!!! like first of all the production is absolutely god-tier, but with a cast of 钱雷, 尹约, 唐恬, 沃特艾文儿, 徐威, and 周天澈, how could it not be. but also, all of them have worked so closely with zhou shen over the years, so all the songs of this album just feel… so zhou shen. like it’s so him. it’s so perfect. in every single song you get to peer more into his worldview and that in itself is so 🥹

Track 3: “Restart” 重启 made me cry on the second listen. i felt emotional the first listen, but ig i didn’t pay as much attention to the lyrics (bc i have the chinese literacy of a grade schooler lol), but when he sang 太多次迷路 太多次失误 (“lost my way too many times, made mistakes too many times”) i started tearing up. especially with the lyrics related to trying to do his parents right, it just hit really close to home for me. and the line 重来几次才能清楚 (“it’s only clear after a few redos”)—personally it was a really healing song overall

Track 4: “The Memory Store” 记忆商店 is, if you forced me to choose, probably my fave from the album so far. it’s just straight up haunting. it’s so dystopian and so poetic. it makes me feel like, i can’t describe it properly, but do you know in the studio version of “Doomsday Spaceship” 末日飞船, in the bridge portion where zhou shen hums Clair De Lune, and its so haunting and full of wistfulness for a bygone time? that’s the closest description i can give you of how it feels.

when he sings 不虚拟的拥吻 想不想买 没噩梦的睡眠 耳边goodnight (“a non-fictitious kiss—do you want to buy? a sleep without nightmares, a goodnight in your ear”) is SO CHILLING AND SO SATISFYING AND SOUNDS SO GOOD its gonna be stuck in my head for the next few years. 他说想再荡个秋千 妈妈我想飞的高点 星球以光束穿越 妈妈我想落到地面 (“he says he wants to swing on the swings again—mom i want to go higher. the planet is travelling at the speed of light—mom i want to get off now”) okay brb i’m just gonna go into the woods and scream. 岛屿还未消失这个世界还曾下著雪 亲爱的我很抱歉 不朽的 没有了 没人记得 (“before the island disappeared, this world even used to snow. my dear, i’m so sorry—there’s nothing not decayed, no one remembers it”) SHENSHEN GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I GO CRAZY

Track 5: “Alarm” 警报 is uhhh. alarming. apparently the english name is The Giver which also fits really well. it’s such a direct and kind of chilling way for shenshen to remind us to take care of ourselves, but also this song is gonna haunt me in a whole different way. every single line goes so hard and has so many implications. i might try to translate it later but for now, if you know you know 😵‍💫

Track 6: “Mind Your Manners” 少管我 OUR BELOVED. SO CATCHY SO ADDICTIVE. apparently in his interview with cosmopolitan magazine (which i still haven’t read yet), shenshen says this song (WHICH BTW HE IS PARTIALLY CREDITED FOR IN THE COMPOSITION AND LYRICS) is written for shengmi. ”希望歌迷们对自己说的：当我决定好做自己的时候,谁也别管，也管不了” (loose translation: “its my hope that everyone will say to themselves: what i decide for myself, no one else should dictate it, nor can they dictate it.”)

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[chiimeramanticore]

i had a great time at the hicksville grand reopening! extra thank you to everyone who said hi to me today, everyone there was so nice 💖 can't wait to visit this stage many, many, many more times in the future!

(also expect footage up on youtube soon 👀)

[lorephobic]

*kisses your brain* I am BEYOND interested in seeing the interview clips that inspired/back up your thoughts and analysis

aw yay!!! im so glad this is interesting to more than just me LOL

if any particular essays/ideas pique ur interest, i can give u a deeper dive into any of them with more clips & links, but for now under the cut i'll do a couple of short recs for each:

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing

oliver's deceit (and portrayal as a prey animal) was much more obvious in the movie, but getting to the crux of felix's role as a false-angel was heavily inspired by:

this interview where jacob dives into felix's need to be needed and seen as a savior, and

this scene breakdown with emerald, where she points out felix's desire for power masquerading as kindness

A Midsummer Night's Mare

this essay in particular is in response to the general fandom impression that oliver being drawn toward farleigh is anything but a horrific extension of his existing obsession toward felix and this was most heavily influenced by my own eyes and my ability to identify sexual assault when i see it (LOL) as well as:

this collider interview with archie madekwe where he talks about the development of farleigh's relationship with oliver, and even more importantly to my point, the catharsis farleigh gets from coming back and saying his piece at the midsummer night's party

The Eye of the Beholder

i've got a million interviews i could give you where emerald talks about the voyeurism in saltburn, but i think these details come out most when she's doing scene breakdowns and particularly in:

this moment of a vanity fair interview where she picks apart the details of the house that saltburn was filmed in, and the nature of the people that live inside of it and this bit from the same interview where she talks about the exhibitionist nature of the bathroom setup

this esquire interview where emerald lets us in on the workings of the house and how nothing can be private

sidenote: these two scene breakdown interviews are two of my favorites that i've seen come out of this movie, so i definitely recommend them in their entirety if you're at all interested!

Gender-Fluid

this might be my favorite topic on this list and the one that i think is most important and i'm SO GLAD that emerald has had some really great interviews where she gets to talk about these things. my favorite being:

this reign interview with josh smith that i really can't recommend enough, where emerald brings up the way women's bodies are used and objectified in film and addresses and challenges the "shock" that people claim to feel after seeing saltburn

THOSE!!! are my starter recommendations!!! but like i said at the beginning of this post, if you have anything in particular that you really want to dive deeper into, just lmk!! <333

[milkbreadtoast]

me having entire conversations in the tags of posts w ppl by going "#prev ..." has the same vibe as me passing notes back and forth to someone in class that the entire class reads before the notes get there

edit: ...alternatively having convos w someone by like. writing a message on the blackboard or sidewalk and then checking later and someone else has added to it while i was away...

[marcmorrigan]

"If I was Kira, you'd be dead, Yagami-san."

redraw of one of my fave L panels!

[winxys]

happy birthday @fr9mis <3

[intertexts]

23, 4, 12!!!!

ahhh thank u!!! hi siren!!!! :3

>Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

description!!!!!!! i love description its like composing a painting but without all the legwork of the actual painting part.... i love how much weight small details can carry & how description is really what makes a scene come alive..... i guess my problem with dialogue is that i don't. talk very much in real life? in emotionally weighted scenarios like the ones i tend to end up writing? im more of a monosyllabic-words-and-nonverbal-noises-and-body-language guy. so it's just weird writing a lot of expository dialogue. and also i hate dialogue tags and the Way people say things is always just as important as what they're saying and it's so hard to convey the way something is being said without getting really repetitive about it...

>Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

YES augh i have Many ocs and. many stories for them and they are all in my head <3 most of them all take place in the same shared contemporary folkloric/fantasy/horror world & my favorite guys (currently) are six chambers, a sleazebag deadbeat detective with a deal with a devil to trade their own bodily pain for practical favors & taliesin almiraj, a disabled graduate student who's still mired in decade-old grief over the mysterious, violent death of their high school best friend <333

>If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

all of my french writing is academic or nonfiction so i don't really know how well that compares!! i've thought about writing some arsène lupin fic en français just for practice in fiction writing, but i've never gotten around to it.... i still find writing in french more fluid-- surprising given my skill in it is probably less than a fifth of what it is in english-- i enjoy the relative conciseness of it compared to en though!!! i took a very long break btwn the functional fluency i gained in high school near quebec & getting back into actual language classes this past year, so i'm finally getting back to the point where i'm thinking in fr instead of manually translating everything in my head... i missed it!! love regaining skills i lost due to The Horrors! :] (i don't really write in spanish, just read & talk so i'm not counting that!)

[nightmareslug]

one of the perspective practices or whatever