#also speaking of skz i feel like they were included in another list

[bandzboy]

Honestly I think that list should be a bit bigger. Like I know BDS rules call for targeted boycotts rather than overly big ones, but I think we can justifiably fit one more name onto that list:

(writes ''Stray Kids'' on the list) there.

(For extra context. This is from that long-time Stay that sent you the long ask yesterday about not really feeling like a Stay anymore)

i mean as kpop fans WE should coordinate ourselves to include these groups because obviously people that aren’t kpop stans are most likely to include bts and bp first because they are the biggest bg and gg but i mean western stans are doing for celebrities, football fans are doing for players and people that stan streamers and influencers are also doing why shouldn’t kpop stans do the same??

[dreamescapeswriting]

I posted 2,657 times in 2021

2518 posts created (95%)

139 posts reblogged (5%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 4,603 tags in 2021

#m answered - 1945 posts

#lovely anon - 747 posts

#mutuals - 640 posts

#sw33tnight - 234 posts

#bts - 208 posts

#bts x reader - 197 posts

#requests - 161 posts

#stray kids - 158 posts

#bts imagines - 157 posts

#skz - 156 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#chan is my main source of happiness and it feels like it’s being ripped out from underneath me

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Miss Congeniality ~ BC [M] [Request]

WORD COUNT: 26.8K

PAIRING: Chan x Fem!Reader

GENRE: fluffy, detective AU, movie inspired, SMUT, slow burn, angst, soft, fluffy ending, friends to lovers, co-workers to lovers,

A/N: I hope this is alright hunny!!! I really enjoyed writing this you have no idea! Also for anyone that says “you just wrote the movie” I didn’t, I took notes and took time to make this like a fanfiction🥰💞🌸 Have a lovely day

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721 notes • Posted 2021-07-10 10:58:46 GMT

#4

Stray Kids Reaction | Uses Your Insecurities Against You [Request]

`A/N: The anon is right by the way you’re all beautiful in every way possible, including the anon that requested this. I love you all! Stunning, beautiful peopl all of you! ~ M

CHAN: Insecurity: Clingy

Chan rubbed the bridge of his nose as he stared at the screen in front of him trying to grab some ideas from the air, he had been suffering with writer's block and it was starting to get to him. Normally if he was suffering with it he would call you over, you were his constant muse but this week he wanted nothing more than to be left alone. He was stressed from being put under pressure from his managers to finished a certain amount of songs, as well as making sure he and the rest of the boys were staying on top of their practice. Everything was just piling up on top of him and he didn't need you around to add to the pile, as much as he loved you being there he just needed some peace and quiet which he soon realised wasn't going to happen,

"Jisung told me you were feeling shitty so I bought your favourite snacks," Your voice that was normally heavenly to Chan only made him cringe as he realised you were here. 

"Hey babe, do you mind coming back later? I really need to get this done," He turned around on his chair to face you, trying to get you to leave quickly before things went south but you stood your ground, placing the small basket of food down onto the coffee table. 

"I also got your favourite hot drink, I figured you could use a pick me up." You began explaining everything that was in the basket but it only annoyed him more as you listed everything, ignoring his request for you to leave.

"We can sit on the sofa and eat while you relax for a while-"

"Fuck! Have you always been this clingy or is it just as of late?" Your heart sunk as you stared at Chan who was red in the face, it was now that you took in his dishevelled appearance it looked like he'd slept less than usual and he was clearly beating himself up over something so you let the comment pass. 

"I was just- I wanted to make sure you were okay," Your voice cracked as you tried to get over the comment, moving closer to Chan who simply rolled away from you on the chair and shook his head at you. 

"I want you to leave. You're so fucking clingy! I can't do anything without you being right there on top of me, it's exhausting having a partner who doesn't know what space is!" He was yelling loudly enough that the staff outside his studio had stopped speaking to hear what was happening in the office but you felt like you shrunk in size as he yelled at you so without another word you left him there. Chan knew how insecure you were about being considered clingy, your exes had all said the same thing to you so when you began dating Chan you told him about it, not wanting to have the same problem. You never thought, in a million years, that he of all people would use it against you.

(X)

Later that night there was a knock on your apartment door, thinking it was just the food you'd ordered for yourself you got up to answer it to see Chan standing there holding the basket of food with a giant smile on his face. 

"What do you want?" You asked plainly as you stared behind him, hoping your pizza would arrive so you could take it and shut the door. 

"To tell you how sorry I am," You scoffed rolling your eyes at him, 

"You know exactly how insecure about that I am and you still-" You began sobbing as you thought back on what he said, all he did was wrap his arms around you tightly. Pulling you into a hug, his hugs were the answers to all of your problems, no matter what you were going through as long as he hugged you everything else seemed to be insignificant to you.

"You know how insecure I am about that," You managed to say through sniffles as he kissed the top of your head, rubbing your lower back as he repeated how sorry he was to you. 

"Things with work have been stressful...I just- You weren't listening and I needed you out of there." He knew it was never going to make up for what he had unintentionally said to you but he was going, to be honest with you from the start and tell you what happened. 

"I'll make it up to you if you let me." He whispered as he continued to hold you in his arms, kissing your cheeks as you nodded. 

"Start by paying for my pizza," You sniffled, wiping your eyes when you saw the delivery man walking over in your direction, 

"Anything for you," Chan whispered, handing you the basket so he could get out the cash.

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853 notes • Posted 2021-04-26 10:59:27 GMT

#3

Stray Kids Reaction || They Break The Bed [M?] [Request]

Stray Kids X GN!Reader

A/N: Mentions of smut but not full smut, hope this is okay @spearb1108

CHAN:

As soon as you heard the snapping sound your hands gripped onto Chan's arms tightly as you tried not to giggle, he froze in place with a look of terror on his face. His eyes were wide as he replayed the sound over and over in his head trying to think of it was a human sound or something else,

"What was that?" He asked worried as he looked at you to make sure it wasn't you that had somehow made a snapping sound with your body, you looked behind him where his hands were and at the headboard that was now cracked. He'd been thrusting into you roughly when he slammed his hand against the headboard,

"I-I think we broke it," You laughed as you stared at the large crack going down your headboard, it was only a thin wooden one you'd made yourself so it was a wonder it had even lasted as long as it did. You hissed as Chan pulled out of you to access the damage that had been made to the bed and he groaned at himself, trying not to laugh from the embarrassment he was feeling.

"Baby it's fine." You laughed as you saw his ears beginning to turn red, you knew how shy he got over things like this but it was bound to happen eventually. You and Chan weren't exactly the softest in bed and if he didn't break from his grip on it, it would have broken from hitting the wall at some point.

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1143 notes • Posted 2021-03-13 12:00:26 GMT

#2

Unspoken Challenge ~ Bang Chan [M]

WORD COUNT: 4.2K

GENRE: Smut, fluffy, nerdy/dom chan

PAIRING: Nerd Bang Chan x Reader

WARNING: Light choking, squirting, Chan dom...I think that’s it

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1421 notes • Posted 2021-01-19 12:00:17 GMT

#1

Stray Kids Reaction || Waking You Up With Oral [M] [Request]

A/N: EVERYTHING MENTIONED WITHIN THIS POST IS CONSENSUAL BETWEEN THE TWO.

CHAN:

Chan was always late home and you always forgave him so easily for it but it didn't mean he forgave himself. He knew there must have been something inside of you that hated him for not being there when you went to bed, but all you cared about was him being there when you woke up. That morning Chan looked at you asleep on his side of the bed. It was almost 8 am which meant you'd be getting up soon but he wanted to wake you up with a surprise so he laid himself down between your legs, smirking when he saw you wearing nothing but his black silk shirt.

Just like that he began to tease you slowly, the two of you had talked about waking each other like this before and it wasn't the first time it had happened. Slowly he began to tease your clit, watching you as your body shifted in your sleep, not quite feeling the effects of his touches yet. 

"So wet, what have you been dreaming about?" He chuckled to himself as he began to apply a little more pressure to your bud, biting down on his lip as he heard a moan fall from your perfect lips. 

Licking a long stripe from your opening to your clit he smirked as you let out a louder moan, beginning to come back to reality as he pushed his tongue into you, holding your hips as he began to eat you out hungrily as if you were his only meal. 

"Oh shit!" You screamed out as you finally realised what was happening, his tongue pumping in and out of you, lapping you up as you cried out his name. 

"H-Holy shit," You cried out running your hands into his hair and tugging on the strands as he continued to aggressively eat you out, locking his eyes with yours.

"Ride my tongue," He smirked at you as you shook your head, tension building up as he continued with his movements, 

"I-I can't," You whimpered pushing your hips into the bed but he growled against you, as he continued. 

"Do it," Your head rolled back as everything began to gain in intensity, it felt as though lava was flowing through your blood and you were about to erupt. 

"That's it," He chuckled darkly as you began to rock your hips against his tongue as the tension curled up inside of you. 

"Chan!" You cried out as the tension snapped, it was like lightning in your veins, you released onto his tongue crying out his name as he continued to work you until you came down from your high.

"Morning babe," He chuckled laying down in the bed beside you but you kissed him hungrily as you straddled his lap desperate for more from him.

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1827 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 10:58:37 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re the one that i want (part 15)

word count: 5k

angst

(part 14) (series masterlist)

tag list: @chogiout ; @psshwa ; @yeocult ; @seongghwaa ; @cherryeonii ; @chaoticbanqtan ; @8teenee ; @nczenniez ; @atinyarmyx1 ; @mingtopiaa ; @chubsluda ; @joongiebug ; @mochibabycakes ; @jisungity ; @skz-on-my-mind ; @nlost21 ; @myonlyaurora ; @closer-stars ; @kuaenam3g ; @byungaji ; @floweryjh ; @joeycheungg ; @lostscenarios ; @atinyxtopia ; @sanisms ; @kpopnightingale ; @simpforhyunjin ; @songsoomin ; @toffee-hwa ; @deobitiful ; @hyunjeansuniverse ; @clown-teez​ ; @i-know-you-know-lee-know​ ; @tiny-whatsername​ ; @fairieofeternity​ ; @yixing-jaehyun​ ; @sleepyseonghwa​ 

“y/n, can you clean that table off?

you look over at your coworker perched up on the counter casually, dimply smile looking at you pleadingly and you have half the mind to whip him with the white rag you’re holding.

“oh? and what exactly are you too busy doing?”

“i have arthritis. my weary bones need a rest.”

you let out a small laugh as you roll your eyes, deciding to hit his leg playfully before making your way over to the tables. you hear the boy’s whines as you wipe down the table, giggling to yourself at the way he becomes more and more dramatic every day.

“do you want a cupcake for your hard work?”

you’d been working at the cafe for about a month now, you and your coworker san quickly becoming close friends. 

he had recognized you from school when you first walked in, turning his head to the side and asking if you were in the same lunch; you’d been so flustered you hadn’t noticed anyone or anything else that day, just the crippling anxiety and panic that took over you with seonghwa and his friend’s eyes on you.

“what?” you asked, fidgeting nervously at the way he looks at you. his eyes drop to your hands and he raises his arms defensively.

“not a creepy stalker, i just noticed you at lunch today. you were talking to...” he sees your face drop at who he’s about to mention and quickly changes tactics; it’d been obvious something was going on between you and his old group of friends, he just wasn’t sure what.

“i saw you talking to people. also never recognized you so i assumed you’re new.”

“oh, yeah. i am,” you say quietly, smiling politely and hoping he’ll drop the topic of lunch all together. “my name’s ___.”

“nice to meet you, i’m san,” he says with a happy, bright smile. he told you that his parents owned the cafe and were hesitant to hire another person but he’d convinced them to call you back.

“i get so fucking bored here so hopefully we can be friends,” he told you, jumping up on the counter and offering a cookie to you. you shake your head as a small, flustered laughs leaves you.

“i don’t think i should accept free food, yet.”

san raised an eyebrow at you, already getting a pretty good read on you if your pink cheeks and nervous demeanor wasn’t already a dead giveaway.

“something tells me you won’t ever take it.”

and he’d been absolutely correct. cause you look up from your spot at the table and shake your head at him, your eyes narrowed the way they always are when you deny him pushing free desserts on you.

“more for meee,” he sings happily and you giggle softly, wiping down the other two tables before making your way over to him.

you’d thought it was gonna be hard to open yourself up to someone because of how...well things had started here. but you and san’s friendship had almost been immediate, something about the boy making you feel so calm and at ease.

you could tell he’s loyal to a fault and really cares about people, if they way his parents are is any indication.

they’d welcomed you with open arms and tried to raise your pay within the first two weeks of you working there when they’d gotten the feeling things weren’t right at home; they had overheard a particular nasty phone call that made you so embarrassed you almost quit on the spot.

but you begged that they keep everything the same, that they just pretend like they didn’t hear anything and that you’d prefer to not talk about it; thankfully, they had reluctantly agreed.

“i think you had enough of a break,” you grumble, his eyebrow raising as he stuffs his face with a vanilla cupcake. he’d been sitting here ever since the after school rush died down three hours ago, leaving you both bored with not much to do.

“what do you recommend i do then, y/n?” he quips, your eyes falling to the frosting on his mouth and you smirk; you’re not gonna tell him so if his parents happen to pop in, he’ll be caught red handed.

“gee, i don’t know, maybe stop eating all the produce! or you could clean or-”

“or you could go get me some extra napkins from the back and i’ll refill them.”

your face brightens as you nod your head, detesting the tedious task of sticking napkins into the holder. you make your way into the back quickly before he changes his mind, looking around for the napkins before you hear the familiar sound of the door jingling open.

you peak your head through the glass of the swinging door and feel your eyes widen when you see wooyoung making his way over to the counter, san jumping down and immediately stiffening.

“so why were you talking to wooyoung and all of them that day?”

your head immediately snaps up to look at san when those words leave his mouth, biting down on your lip as a nervous pit settles in your stomach.

it’d been a week since your first day and you hadn’t talked to anyone from that group, including seonghwa; true to your agreement that day, neither of you had even looked at each other and the reminder made your heart sink more and more everyday.

it felt so wrong and bizarre to see him and hear him but not be able to talk to him. his voice and glimpses of him always filling your mind with memories that now just served as a way to make you even more sad. you walked around the halls and sat in class with your head down, the only time you talked or smiled being at lunch with san.

(it was also at those times you missed the way seonghwa’s eyes never left you, something horribly possessive in his chest at the sight of you smiling with san. he had to hold himself back the first day he saw you walk in the cafeteria with his old friend and saw you two sit together. ‘when had that happened?’ he constantly thought, ‘do they have classes together?’ as if he had any right to wonder such things).

san’s question quickly made you frown and shake your head, stuttering out an excuse that they were in your homeroom. he raised an eyebrow and knew there was more to it but didn’t push until he started noticing throughout the weeks seonghwa watching him; the boy hadn’t looked his way once since they’d stopped hanging out with them two years ago.

“look, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” he had sweetly and quietly said at lunch one day. “but seonghwa is looking over here like he wants to kill me and he wouldn’t do that for no reason. so...did something...happen between you two, somehow?”

you bite down on your lip at san’s words, pinching your eyebrows together before you dare look over at seonghwa’s table. and sure enough, your gaze meets his and you immediately swallow nervously, his eyes piercing through yours and sending your heart into a chaotic fit.

his facial expression is blank but his eyes hold so much that it makes you snap your head away, feeling your stomach knot even more as you look back at san. the blonde can see the pain swirling in your eyes and it makes him frown, looking back over at seonghwa to see he’s looking down at the table in anger.

“how do you know that?” you asked san quietly. he cocks his head at your words in confusion and you swallow the lump in your throat making it a struggle to speak. “how do you know seonghwa wouldn’t do that no reason?”

and now it’s san’s turn to look uncomfortable, biting the inside of his cheek before licking at the corner of his mouth.

“we...used to be friends,” he says after a few seconds, “i used to be really close with all of them a few years ago.” you watch him look back at the table and you do the same, your eyebrow raising when you notice him and wooyoung make tense, short eye contact.

“none of us are really friends anymore, but i still...know how they are. and i know how seonghwa is. he usually doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything.”

you hear the slight anger in san’s tone and it makes you let out a shaky breath, would’ve never having believed those words if you didn’t experience it yourself. it takes you a few moments but you’re eventually able to meet san’s gaze without tears swarming in your eyes.

“something did happen,” you admit quietly, san’s face softening as he brings himself in closer to hear you out. “but...i’m not ready to talk about it yet, if that’s okay. i just...it just kinda happened and i don’t wanna-”

“y/n, it’s okay,” he says softly, his sweet smile and eyes calming your nerves itching to take over and destroy your day. “you don’t ever have to tell me if you don’t want to. i only asked because i knew something was up. but if you want to, i’ll be here to listen, okay?”

and that was the moment you knew san was gonna be one of your good friends. that he was understanding and patient and just what you needed at this point in your life.

but it was also when you knew talking about his ex-friendships was hard, never delving into the topic again about what happened between all five of them; but you think it had to be something kind of severe, given how tense and uncomfortable the usual happy boy had just become.

you can only stand there and watch, not sure if san would want you to split up the situation or feel embarrassed and flustered at the intrusion. you fiddle with the napkins and stuff on the shelves for a few seconds, watching carefully as wooyoung cocks his head to the side and frowns at the blonde.

you narrow your eyes when san starts shaking his head, his body more and more tense the longer they talk. and then when you see wooyoung raise his hand a few moments later, you feel hot anger course through you and automatically think he’s about to get hit.

so just as you go to charge through the door, san’s body relaxes and wooyoung’s hand never makes contact with his cheek; instead, he wipes at the frosting that was on san’s lip, his eyes following carefully and san’s hand clutching the edge of the counter roughly.

you and wooyoung’s eyes meet through the glass and he immediately pulls his hand away, your cheeks flushing before you burst through the door to make it seem like you weren’t just spying. san lets out a sharp exhale and you smile at him, eyes wary and guarded as you nod your head at wooyoung politely.

the look wooyoung throws at you causes you to drop your eyes nervously, quietly telling san you’ll refill the napkins for him. but he grabs your arm before you can pass him, pulling you into him and you can just feel wooyoung’s eyes burning into you.

“it’s okay, i said i’ll do it, y/n,” he says and despite the tension in the room, his voice is still so sweet and soft.

“o-okay,” you say quietly and san can immediately hear how different and timid your voice gets around another person being here; though it probably has something to do with how fucking awkward it is. “i just...didn’t know if i interrupted something or-”

“i was just leaving,” the dark haired boy says. you look at him and nod your head shortly despite the fact he didn’t get anything. san’s quiet “bye,” is such a foreign tone to your ears you can’t help but be curious about what the hell happened between all of them.

the blonde doesn’t let out a breath until wooyoung is out of the cafe, his body slumping as his hands continue to ground him on the edge of the counter. there’s a few moments of silence and you busy yourself by setting down the napkins awkwardly, taking a seat on the counter as you wait for him to speak.

but he never does and neither do you, his small smile aimed at you before he takes the napkins and refills them. you play with your hands and watch san move around slowly, looking out the window every so often before shaking his head.

you build up the courage to speak in the few minutes it takes him to refill the napkins, that nervous feeling pulling at your stomach before you quietly ask if he’s okay.

“i’m fine,” he says softly, sitting up on the counter across from you before he meets your concerned gaze. you see hurt and confusion and defeat swirling in his brown eyes and it makes a frown appear on your lips, his small “what?” making your heart tug even more.

“nothing,” you say quietly. because you don’t have to tell him he doesn’t look fine, he probably knows it. knows he looks just as bad as he feels and it’s got something to do with wooyoung.

he lets out a sigh and drops his gaze, looking at the tiles on the floor and trying to get the conversation replaying in his mind out.

“did something...bad happen with him? is that why...you’re all not friends anymore?”

you know the question is a risk and that you’re possibly overstepping but maybe he’d feel better if he talked about it. if he knew you were willing to listen and hear him out.

“i guess so, yeah,” he says after a few silent moments, looking up at you to see you watching him carefully. wide-eyed and patient and soft in a way that can even manage to comfort his hurting heart.

you raise your eyebrow and wait for him to continue, nodding your head encouragingly; but just like you, it’s all too much.

“but i’m not ready to talk about it either.”

you look down to hide your sad smile, the similarity in your words from just a few weeks ago making your heart pang. because he’s hurting too and you wouldn’t even know it, the way he’s always been so happy and smiley and playful.

“okay,” you say simply, quietly, with a soft smile. “but when you’re ready, i’ll listen too. if you want.” he smiles back at you with a nod, eyes softly roaming your face in a way that makes your smile grow.

he then jumps off the counter suddenly and lifts the glass container holding chocolate chip cookies. you sigh when he turns around with two, holding one out for you with eyes that are almost demanding you take it.

“san...” you chide warningly but the boy only narrows his eyes and puts it right in your hand.

“eat it. you’re fired if you don’t.”

you let out a giggle and take it with a huff, shaking your head at the boy before biting into the most delicious cookie you’ve ever had in your life.

a few days later, you were walking to lunch the way you always did. your head trained down and eyes on the dirty tiles, looking at the scratches and specks of dirt.

you usually took your time at your locker, preferring when the entrance and lunch line wasn’t swarming with students. you slip into the bathroom and linger at the hand drier before making your way to the cafeteria; it’s the same route you’d taken that first day, when seonghwa made it very clear you guys were gonna be different here.

"was everything a lie? did you lie to me the whole fucking summer? did you even love-"

"no."

your teary eyes widen and it really feels as if your heart breaks. you're looking at him with so pain and agony in your eyes, he finds himself needing to clarify.

"i didn't lie. but summer's over, y/n. you weren't supposed to come back to me here."

you shake your head as the events from last month plague your mind, still a bit in disbelief at the whole situation. that you had the summer you did with him and felt the things you did and he threw it away the second he saw you again. that you really haven’t spoken to one another and are acting like you didn’t say you ‘loved’ each other.

because if he actually loved you, it wouldn’t be so easy for him to-

“y/n.”

your head snaps up when you hear that familiar deep voice, seonghwa leant against the wall just a few feet away from you. you lick your lips nervously, part of you wanting to run back into the bathroom while another holds back angry tears.

he looks as handsome as he always does, dirty blonde hair slicked back and a sliver chain hanging from his neck. his expression is one you can’t really make out, jaw tight and head cocked to the side but his eyes curiously looking over you.

your footsteps are slow as you swallow the lump in your throat, looking at him warily in a way that makes him frown; but what does he expect, really? you had been excited to see him at one point.

“hi.”

he waits until you’re in front of him to look you over again, his eyebrow raising when he sees your hands folded into one another. you don’t like the way he’s looking at you, the way his gaze is softening or how your stupid fragile heart is reacting to it.

“what do you want?” you blurt out.

and despite your quiet tone, there’s a certain bite to it that has him poking his tongue into the side of his cheek, taking a step forward to look down at you; it makes his heart sink, hearing your voice so obviously uncomfortable in his presence.

“to see if you’re okay.”

“i’m fine,” you assure him with a tight smile, your racing heart desperate to get away from him. “now if you’ll excuse me-”

he grabs your arm gently when you try to pass him, your eyes closing when he utters your name softly. his skin is warm against yours and it sends shockwaves through you, ripping your arm away from him as you turn to look at him.

“no, seonghwa,” you say quietly, voice low and shaking but you have to say this. he has to know he can’t just do this, avoid you for a month and then try to talk to you again. make you feel so shitty and hurt and heartbroken but then try to be nice to you when the halls are completely vacant.

words die in his throat when he sees the look on your face, eyes wide and glossy as you shake your head at him.

he’s never felt as shitty as does right now, seeing the light you used to have in your eyes has dimmed. he just wants to reach out and pull you into him, mumble that you did absolutely nothing wrong and that you shouldn’t be sad over someone like him. that he feels guilty and sorry and has been wanting nothing more than to talk to you these past few weeks.

but he doesn’t get the chance because you back away from him when he moves forward, your eyes narrowing at him.

“why are you doing this?” you ask him quietly. “you made it very clear you didn’t want us having a relationship.”

he bites down on his lip as more guilt and frustration take over him, shaking his head as he keeps his eyes on you. the eye contact is so intense and overwhelming for both of you, something so familiar even after weeks of not speaking.

but, now, instead of love, it’s distrust. it’s anger and guilt and confusion and neither of you know what to do right now.

“i never said that, y/n,” he says softly, walking toward you and praying you won’t back away again. “i just...i was surprised to see you and didn’t know how to react. i thought you were gone and that we were-”

“well i was here and you didn’t care,” you say shakily, tears pricking your eyes as your stomach knots. “yo-you looked at me like you didn’t know me and never wanted to talk to me again.”

he looks like he wants to say something, dark eyes burning into you and breath catching in his throat like he’s gonna respond; but after a few seconds, the halls are still silent.

“i’m here, seonghwa. i’m here and you....you don’t care,” you say quietly, voice cracking as your throat becomes tight with emotion.

“that’s not true,” he finally hums lowly, his jaw clenching and eyes flaring; but while he’s getting anger, you’re getting more and more docile. accepting the fact a little bit more everyday that that was the case.

“especially when your friends are around,” you continue quietly. “you did the same thing over the summer. because you’re embarrassed and i don’t blame you but-”

“stop saying that,” he growls, taking your face in his hand suddenly.

you still and your eyes widen at the contact, his touch making your heart jump, both in surprise and longing; it’s been so long and you missed it so much but you know you can’t get used to it.

because if his friends came around the corner right now, you know he’d jump away from you.

you don’t say anything as you try to control your ragged breathing, hesitantly meeting his gaze and you regret it the second you see him. because they’re so dark and desperate, like he’s trying to prove to you that he’s telling the truth.

but yours are teary and sad and completely drained, dropping again when he starts talking.

“i told you i didn’t lie about anything so why are you thinking like that?”

“because what am i supposed to think?” you squeak out brokenly. “you said to call you after my first day and then the second you saw me here, it immediately changed everything.”

and then the words you heard in the cafeteria that day, the ones that have been bothering you since the moment they were said, ring in your head  - “the virgin!”

“and you obviously told them about me,” you say softly, your eyes looking up at him as you swallow the lump in your throat.

he watches as a small tear escapes your eye and can’t help but reach out to wipe it away; but you pull away and wipe it with the back of your hand. “you told them i was a virgin but made sure to clarify that i wasn’t your girlfriend.”

his face pales when you say those words and that’s when you really know it wasn’t just you. that there is obviously something very wrong and different about seonghwa in this environment, around this group of people where he feels the need to mask his true self; if that was his true self, you don’t really know anymore.

“i didn’t mean it like that,” he says but you let out a humorless laugh and shake your head, backing away from him and wanting so badly to run away.

“then how did you mean it?” you ask, feeling the lump in your throat grow bigger as more tears burn the back of your eyes. how are you supposed to believe that? how else would he have meant it? why would he even tell them that in the first place?

your eyes snap back up to his his and he takes your face in his hand again, a frown on his lips as he wipes at the wetness on your cheek.

you don’t even have the strength to move away again, just continue to look at him as you desperately wait for an answer. “why would you tell them that?” you ask quietly when he doesn’t say anything, just continues to hold your face and look into your eyes.

“it just...slipped out, i wasn’t giving them details,” he explains lowly, his voice serious and urgent to explain himself to you. “they noticed we were texting a lot and started fucking with me so i told them-“

“i was the clingy virgin who gave it up to you?”

“god damn it, y/n, no!” he growls and you can hear the frustration in his voice but you can’t quite find it in you to care. “it wasn’t like that.”

“obviously it was,” you say, the defeat and hurt in your voice making it clear you just wanna get far away from him and this conversation. “so let’s just go back to what we’ve been doing and forget it.”

he lets out a huff and tightens his hold on your face, pulling you in closer to him and you let out a shaky exhale when his familiar scent surrounds you.

it’s too much. everything about this is too much.

his hands on you and his voice in your ear and his smell around you. the way he’s telling you the things you wanna hear in hopes that it will maybe make your broken heart not so broken. the way he’s trying to talk to you like he’s the same person who once swore to keep you safe from anyone that’d hurt you.

no,” he mumbles lowly in your ear. “baby, please. i just need you to listen and-“

but you push him away and take three steps back when you hear him call you that, shaking your head as you sniffle and wipe at your cheeks.

he doesn’t get to call you that anymore and remind you of the way things used to be. because your body doesn’t know the difference and your stomach is still fluttering and you shouldn’t feel so fucking hopeful.

“i’m leaving,” you tell him, trying to keep a brave face so you can completely crumble in private. “and please don’t call me that.”

you see his mouth open to say something again when a deep voice calls him, turning around to see wooyoung barreling toward you two. he looks between you and seonghwa with a confused expression, eyebrow raised as his eyes roam back and forth curiously.

you’re not even surprised to see seonghwa’s mouth close shut as he drops his gaze, grunting out “nothing,” when the boy asks him what the hell was taking him so long.

san was up from his seat before you even sat down, seeing you walk through the cafeteria doors with tears in your eyes. he sprang up the second he saw you and guided you outside gently, finding a bench farthest away from the door to talk to you.

“why are you crying?” he asked, “what happened?”

“i hate him,” you whimpered out and san’s soft eyes widen in confusion. you sound so sad and broken and he didn’t think it was possible for you to hate anyone. “i...why did he do this? he said he loved me and lied right to my face and-”

“who?” he asked gently, placing his hand on your back to rub comfortingly.

a tiny whimper leaves your mouth and he shushes you, allowing your head to fall on his shoulder to muffle your cries; he wouldn’t have even known you were crying if he didn’t feel your tears on his shirt.

and when you’re finally able to catch your breath, you tell him everything.

about your summer with seonghwa and how everything started. how he taught you to surf and took you on a dates and helped you when you were sick. how day by day you both seemed to have fallen in love and spent every day together.

it hurt rehashing the memories but your heart soared thinking back to those times, when you were somehow so confident in your relationship and hung onto every word he said.

“but then he saw me on the first day and it was like he saw a ghost,” you tell him quietly, sniffling as you explain the rest to him. “it was obvious he didn’t want me talking to him and i...i don’t know if it’s because of his friends or if it’s because he didn’t like me this whole time but i...” the words get caught in your throat and you can only hide your face in your hands, surprised it took you this long to break down in front of your new friend.

san never stops rubbing your back or listening to you, not ever pushing you to finish your sentence or explain anything more to him.

“i’m just really hurt,” you finally say. “i lo...i love him and i thought he really loved me.”

“he probably did,” san says. you sniffle and wipe your face as you look at the soft, small smile on his face.

and while you know san is extremely empathetic, the pain and emotion behind his eyes is something that immediately throws you off. “he probably does still. i know seonghwa and he’s never one to open up the people. ever. but it seems like he did with you.”

“i thought so, too,” you say sadly, your eyes twinging with confusion. “but then why is he...acting like this? why is he so fine with not talking to me?”

san presses his lips together when he feels his heart pang with hurt, smiling sadly at you before he shrugs his shoulder. “because he probably cares too much about what people would think,” he says, his voice holding a certain kind of sadness and seriousness. “about what his friends or other people would say and how it’d make him look.”

you bite down on your lip as you process his words, nodding your head because that all makes sense, you guess. he didn’t wanna be the cool boy who came back to school with a girlfriend who was supposed to live miles away. who he was only gonna be able to talk on the phone with or facetime until it was summer again and he-

“that’s kind of why i’m not friends with them anymore.”

you look over at san’s quiet confession, your eyebrow raising as you press your lips together. and something in your face must make san feel at ease because then he starts talking.

shares that a few summers ago, after he found out seonghwa also started selling drugs around here, he’d immediately showed his dislike. tried to talk him out of it and get him to stop but the boys had somewhat revolted. told him that no one was getting hurt and that they were careful so what was the big deal?

and then that sent them on a downward spiral of using and dating and falling into all sorts of bad habits san didn’t wanna get himself in at such a young age. he couldn’t do that to himself or his parents so he distanced himself away from them until they called him out.

told him that if he was gonna be a pussy, they didn’t want anything to do with him.

“but then me and wooyoung started talking again. we’d been best friends since elementary school and losing him had been hardest on me, honestly.” you nod your head with a small frown on your face, watching and listening intently.

(so intently, you both miss the way two pairs of eyes have been watching you talk from the window. your small frowns and broken demeanor secretly making both of them feel like absolute shit).

“are you guys still close?” you ask him gently. “i...since he came in the other day, i figured you were. but things had seemed...tense, so...” san lets out a quiet sigh, shrugging his shoulders before meeting your gaze.

he doesn’t go too much into what exactly happened between him and wooyoung, just said, similar to you and seonghwa, they’d gotten close one summer and spent every day together since the rest of them were away on vacation.

the look in his eye didn’t make it hard to miss just what happened between them. what kind of change went on in their relationship that completed shifted the dynamic; but once seonghwa and them returned, it ended as quickly as it started.

san tells you how wooyoung won’t talk to him unless he’s alone, that he won’t even look his way or acknowledge him around his friends; and that, at first, he thought the same things you did. that he didn’t actually value their relationship or was embarrassed of him.

but he saw overtime that he did care for him.

he saw it in the way he looked at him when no one was around and how he still remembered every single little detail about him. how he kept all of their stupid little gifts and presents from one another and never seemed to forget anything about that summer together.

“i think they’re just scared for people to see them so different,” san tells you. “and that doesn’t make it right, we deserve to be angry and upset with them. but we also shouldn’t think it has anything to do with us.”

you let out a sigh, your head pounding from this conversation and the emotional toll reliving those two months has on you. you knew you and san were gonna be good friends but you didn’t know you’d be able to relate to each other so much, find solace in the fact that maybe the problem isn’t both of you but other people.

“boys suck.”

san lets out a cute giggle, his dimples poking out of his face and immediately bringing a smile to your face; he’s the type of person who has a contagious happiness, needing to smile or laugh when you’re in the presence of him doing it.

and you really need that right now as you both walk into the cafeteria, both of you sighing in relief when you notice their table is empty. you’re able to spend the rest of the lunch eating and giggling softly together, steering clear of any more talk about stupid bad boys or summer vacations.

(part 16)

[mostlycompetentwriter]

“School Life:” A Hoodie Season AU Prequel

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Hwang Hyunjin (SKZ)

Genre: Married Life AU (Hoodie Season Prequel)

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: Mild Language

Summary: When Y/N is hired as the librarian at her former high school, she isn’t exactly thrilled to return. Of course, there’s also the issue of the persistent dance teacher who seems determined to win her affections.

Here’s a funny story: imagine promising yourself that you’d attend college, nail an awesome degree, and then find a job making six figures on an annual basis, only to return home with a teaching license to work at the same school that you attended when you were 16 while making less than acceptable.

Yeah, life had a funny way of making a joke out of itself, and the punch line is never really that good. 

But there wasn’t time for me to complain about my prospects since I had been unemployed for six months with a lousy degree in literature that led to absolutely nothing. In desperate times, we’re often forced to do things that we hate, and I was certainly disenchanted with the idea of working in a high school library surrounded by horny and immature devils all the time. 

“Good morning, Y/N!”

Oh, and I also had to deal with one of the most annoyingly persistent men on a regular basis. “What do you want, Hyunjin?”

Despite my dismissive tone, Hyunjin still leaned in across the check-out counter, and I could feel his eyes staring at my ass. “It’s my free period.”

“And?”

“And...you should come have coffee with me,” Hyunjin said, and I finally turned around to endure his flirtatious smile. It had only been two months since the start of the semester, and a grand total of two weeks since Hyunjin had first started trying his luck with me. But I was beginning to think that he didn’t know how to take a hint. 

“I’m busy with paperwork,” I said, ignoring his crestfallen expression. However, in my defense, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I was far too preoccupied with my own self-loathing to entertain his advances.

“Again?” he pouted, giving me a look that I’m sure won the heart of any girl that he had the chance to impress.

It was too bad that they didn’t work on me. 

“Bye, Hyunjin,” I said, giving him a cheeky smile before disappearing into my office.

The next morning, I noticed that Bang Chan, one of the upperclassman teachers, had arranged to pick up some books for his students. It required some set-up on my end with the computer system, and I was completing the necessary paperwork when Chan walked into the library. “Good morning, Y/N,” he said with a pleasant smile.

“Mr. Bang,” I greeted him in return. “I brought an empty cart for your request.”

“Perfect!” Chan smiled, walking around the counter to pull the cart towards the surrounding bookshelves.

I watched him from the corner of my eye while inputting the final codes for my spreadsheet. “Is this for a class project?”

Chan lifted his head from where he was examining a nearby book display. “Oh! Yeah, the kids like it when we do this kind of stuff. Well, I mean, they don’t like reading so much, but it’s better than tests.”

I nodded my head because I could certainly appreciate that considering some of the more stringent high school examinations that I recalled from my teenage years. “The school wants me to read you this long and boring list of protocols after you check-out something.”

“Yeah...” Chan trailed off with a chuckle. “Do you want to do it now...or?”

I grinned, closing out one of the tabs on my computer screen before joining Chan by the bookshelves. This close, I could appreciate the subtle scent of his cologne and his easygoing smile. “I think we can just skip it,” I said, raising a brow. “I’m sure you’ve heard it before.”

“You’ll let me off easy, Y/N?” Chan asked, turning around with a knowing look and I reveled in our simple flirtation. 

“Since you’ve been so nice,” I said, breaking off when I heard the door to the library open again.

“There you are!” Hyunjin announced his presence, waltzing over to the two of us without a single care in the entire world. “How can I last all day without seeing this smile?”

I sighed when said smile disappeared. “What did you do before I came here?”

“It was a lonely workplace,” Hyunjin said, and I noticed the way that he had positioned himself between me and Chan.

“Anyway,” Chan continued, attempting to speak over Hyunjin despite his unexpected presence. “As a thank you, Y/N, would you like to come to the school’s basketball game this Friday? I coach the men’s team, and we’re undefeated this year.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s basically a tradition,” Hyunjin intervened, sending Chan a look. “The boys love the support from their teachers.”

“But Hyunjin, you don’t even-”

“You’ll come, right?” Hyunjin asked, interrupting Chan’s train of thought. In return, the older man merely shrugged before occupying himself with the task of stacking the books that he required onto the cart. 

I studied Hyunjin’s beaming expression because, in all honesty, it was one of the very last things that I wanted to do, but it seemed unusually important - which meant that a small part of me was quite curious. “I guess I can try and clear some time,” I said with a shrug.

Hyunjin’s smile was impossibly large, and he leaned against Chan’s cart like he wanted to look as cool and laid-back as possible. “You know, Y/N,” he started. “I think you and I share a lot in common.”

“I doubt that,” I said with a tense smile.

“We both care a lot about our students,” Hyunjin said, and I tried not to laugh because Hyunjin couldn’t begin to imagine just how much I didn’t want this particular job on my resume. “We’re also good-looking people.”

The comment was shallow, and I didn’t feel that impressed by his attempt to compliment me. Meanwhile, Chan snorted around a laugh as he pushed his cart back, nearly sending Hyunjin sprawling into the floor. “I have things to do,” Chan said, excusing himself politely while a flustered Hyunjin tried to play off his decidedly uncool moment.

“If only your students were around to see this...” I trailed off with a distracted sigh, leaving Hyunjin behind spluttering out nonsensical words while I returned to the sanctity of my private office.

On Friday night, I parked my car near the back of the school before entering the loud and unusually crowded gymnasium where, for just a split second, I almost considered walking back out the door. It smelled like sweat and dirty laundry, and the bleachers looked uncomfortable, especially since everyone was forced to sit shoulder-to-shoulder. “What fresh hell is this?” I grumbled, shouldering off my jacket since I definitely wouldn’t need it.

I proceeded to walk around the proximity of the gym, searching for familiar faces. I spotted Chan standing on the sidelines with another teacher (Changbin, maybe?) before I realized that someone was calling my name from behind me. I turned around to greet Han Jisung, one of the Freshman English teachers, and he pointed to a section where I recognized several other staff members. “You can join us if you want,” Jisung said and I nodded my agreement.

He led us through the crowd of eager fans, keeping an eye on me as I teetered precariously on the old bleachers wearing high heels that I definitely regretted. But at the very top, I could see some familiar faces, including one that appeared far more eager than the rest. “Oh, Y/N,” Hyunjin said. “I’m glad to see you. It’s nice to have the teachers support our teams.”

“You never come to the basketball games,” Felix said, and Hyunjin shot him a silencing glare.

“What are you talking about, Felix?” Hyunjin asked with wide eyes. “I always support the school.”

“Sure,” Seungmin snorted as if he was simply placating Hyunjin’s obvious fabrication.

“Yeah, I heard it was something else,” I said, taking a seat next to Han before turning my attention to the game.

I wasn’t a big sports fan by any means, and I struggled to make sense of the chaos that included a bunch of teenage boys running up and down the court wearing their brightly-colored uniforms. Sometimes a whistle blew or the shot clock made a truly horrible sound when the buzzer went off to conclude the end of game-time. Otherwise, I felt utterly confused as I sat back and nodded when one of the other teachers surrounding me made a comment that I certainly didn’t understand.

When the game reached halftime, Hyunjin immediately stood up from his seat, starting down the staircase as he chanced a look back over his shoulder. “They have refreshments outside,” he said to me. “My treat?”

I placated him with a nod, following him into the slowly forming crowd attempting to migrate outside of the gymnasium where the smell of pizza and nachos was especially prominent. Hyunjin and I stood at the back of the line, and I swallowed down a feeling of claustrophobia. Meanwhile, I hadn’t noticed that Hyunjin was looking at me until he finally made his voice audible over the white noise of the surrounding crowd. 

“I think we got off on the wrong foot,” Hyunjin said, giving me, what I assumed, was his best attempt at a humble expression. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to offend you...”

“It’s not so much that,” I said. “But it’s tiresome to see you put so much effort into flirting with me.”

“Oh...” Hyunjin said, clearing his throat awkwardly, but he also seemed hurt by my admission. “I’m not, like, some kind of serial dater or something. I genuinely thought you were interesting when we met at the teacher’s conference for the first time.”

“You did?” I asked, studying this vulnerable version of Hyunjin with close scrutiny.

“Yeah.” He nodded, adjusting the beanie hugging the crown of his hairline. “I’m kinda bad at this type of thing, but you’re different from the others. I think you and I both know that’s not always a bad thing, and I was hoping that you might at least give me one tiny little chance at a date.”

I gave him my full attention then, and I found myself taken aback by the look of earnest interest reflecting back at me in warm swirls of brown. “Okay,” I said, deciding that it couldn’t possible hurt to give him an opportunity. “But do me a favor and at least have a better excuse the next time you come into the library,”

Hyunjin had the decency to blush, and I couldn’t help but smile as we took another step forward.

It was Saturday evening when Hyunjin picked me up in front of my small apartment complex. I settled next to him in the front seat, smiling in his direction when he extended a tentative greeting. “How are you, Y/N?” he asked, and I was surprised to hear a hint of nervousness in his tone.

“I’m good,” I said. “But what’s this surprise all about, Hyunjin?”

“No spoilers,” Hyunjin said, and he seemed to regain some semblance of his former confidence as we drove down the crowded city streets in the direction of the main interstate.

“Well, I expect something classy since you made such a big deal about dressing up for the occasion,” I said, reaching down to smooth my hands along the hemline of my skirt.

“I don’t know much about you,” Hyunjin admitted. “But I had a friend give me some advice.”

“Dating advice?” I questioned, smirking in his direction. “You must not go on very many dates.”

“Not really,” Hyunjin remarked. “Despite what you might be thinking, it’s never been a big thing for me.”

I contemplated his words, watching as he drug his bottom lip between his teeth to worry the skin. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Hyunjin said. “I guess I’m not very good at making connections with people. I’ve been told that I can come on too strong.”

I laughed at the honest assessment. “Maybe you just need more practice.”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin agreed. “But is that okay with you? I mean, now that you know that I don’t have any idea about what I’m doing.”

“I think it’s more exciting,” I told him. “It also explains why you’re flirting was so over the top at the beginning of the semester.”

Hyunjin groaned as if embarrassed by the reminder. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I said, reaching across the console to take his willing hand. “If you were quiet, then we wouldn’t be here right now.”

Hyunjin let out a shaky exhale, studying me for a moment from the corner of his eye. “I want to make a better impression on you, Y/N.”

“Trust me,” I said with a smile. “The impression I already have of you is quite persuasive.”

Hyunjin nodded, and a comfortable silence proceeded before he fumbled with the buttons on the radio to allow some music to accompany the remainder of our drive together. It was something techno and upbeat - the kind of thing that just made sense to me because I knew that he was a dance teacher. But in any case, I only really started to pay attention when I noticed that we had somehow entered the more upscale part of the city. 

Maybe Hyunjin was really doing his best to impress me.

“Here we are,” Hyunjin said, pulling into a parking spot lining the side of a very familiar building.

I realized immediately that it was the opera house which meant that the Hwang Hyunjin had brought me to a pretentious affair that certainly held no appeal to someone like myself. But I tried to keep my smile, nodding at him while he handed our tickets over to the attendant. Meanwhile, at the back of my head, all I could think about was the fact that Hyunjin might’ve been trying too hard with our first date. Especially as I observed the expensive theater.

“I heard it’s a classic,” Hyunjin whispered to me after we found our seats in the middle of the enormous crowd.

“Great,” I murmured back, trying not to feel so out of place.

Instead, I focused on the show in front of me, clapping along with everyone else because I had no idea when it was actually appropriate to do so. In fact, I was forced to laugh even though I couldn’t figure out what was funny, and I shifted uncomfortably when the older gentleman next to me started crying during one of the scenes. Apparently, the gathered crowd of patrons had rehearsed all of this before attending the show, and I was left pretending to understand the social cues that the others had already memorized.

It was actually rather draining, and I forced a smile at Hyunjin when he looked down at me. “You’re not having fun,” Hyunjin finally said during intermission.

“What do you mean?” I asked, but I wasn’t nearly as convincing of an actress as the people on stage.

Hyunjin sighed. “Honestly, Y/N, do you even like this?”

I swallowed hard, struggling under the scrutiny of his gaze. “It’s...alright?”

Hyunjin grinned, but it didn’t seem genuine. “Come on,” he said, rising from his seat. “I don’t think we’ll be missing out by leaving early.”

I reluctantly took Hyunjin’s outstretched hand, allowing him to pull me down the aisle before we trudged through the crowded lobby and into the refreshing night air. The parking lot was still full of cars, and Hyunjin had parked us somewhere near the back since we weren’t aware of the necessity of arriving to these shows several hours before start time. But I didn’t mind the walk because I was trying to think of something to say to a downtrodden Hyunjin who paused next to his car.

“Look,” I finally said with an endeared smile. “You don’t have to try so hard to impress me.”

“I screwed everything up,” Hyunjin said, and I was sad to see that he was genuinely upset as he leaned against the side of his car.

“No, you didn’t, Hyunjin,” I tried to tell him, but he wasn’t having any of it.

“I really like you,” Hyunjin said. “And this felt like my one opportunity to get something right, but I fucked up again.”

I took a deep breath, tilting my head to catch Hyunjin off-guard as I brushed a soft kiss across his lips. “I can tell you have a good heart, and that’s all I care about, okay?”

Hyunjin seemed completely taken aback, and I was worried that I had sent him into some kind of shock, but he allowed one hand to wrap around my waist as he brought us closer. “Thank you, Y/N,” he said, and our second kiss was reciprocated by both sides - a tender exchange of out deepest feelings. “Does this mean that I might get a chance at another date?” he asked, looking at me with sincere brown eyes.

“I think you’re worth it,” I told him despite how cheesy it sounded inside my head.

“This makes us official, right?” Hyunjin asked, and I should’ve known better than to expect something normal with him. Doing things by the book with all the cliches involved didn’t really seem like Hyunjin’s kind of thing - and I liked him even more because of it.

“Yeah, if you want labels or whatever,” I grumbled, but his teasing laugh was the best kind of medicine. Needless to say, our first night together was perfect in every way.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN