#also sorry this took me so long to answer I’ve been very tired but if y’all want to send me more zuko takes I’m On My Phone

[thatssroughbuddy]

ever since i found out about zuko being good at tsungi horn as a youngster i need band nerd theatre kid zuko au so badly. high school musical but azula is sharpay.

no bc this is canonically and factually correct (to me) zuko is a theater kid but in the way like. Sinjin from victorious is a theater kid like that boy was never on a stage (in his household? not a chance) BUT he does lurk in the rafters and have Very Strong Opinions about how things should be done and he literally can’t even try to play it cool when it comes to artistic direction

[codfanficedits]

Cheating Ghost, full version.

I've always posted this in the parts as I wrote them, this is the full story. This story came to mind after I've suffered childhood abuse, and now my brother is following in the footsteps of my father.

Also, happy birthday to me.

CW: Domestic Violence, mentions of sex/describing sexual acts, mentions of rape.

18+ MDNI.

Ghost POV:

My hands on her hips, my lips leaving hickeys on her neck, my hard cock against her stomach. It all felt so right. Expect she wasn’t you. She was better than you, sexier, hotter, willing to try all the positions you wouldn’t do. She looked at me with the most hypnotizing eyes when I called her a good girl, those same eyes sparked when I called her my filthy slut. She was everything you couldn’t be for me. The first few times I felt incredibly guilty, I would spent minutes watching over you when you slept, cursing myself for being so weak, but as time passed, my heart stopped aching. Instead your flaws were showing even more. I knew you too well for you to be ever exciting again, I knew the way your lips tasted, the way your body felt on mine, I could predict your every move.

It took me 2 extra days to come home to you again. I had been dreading the moment, waiting until the very last moment to come home. Her smell still wrapped around my body as I set foot into our bedroom.

YOUR POV:

You and Ghost have been together for three years. You moved across the country for him, 10 days after you met him. You had been at his side ever since. You were there after the good missions, the bad missions and the failed mission. You were there to kiss his bruises, to hold him while he cried about a fallen teammate, you were there to celebrate every success he had in his career.

But lately things had changed. His mission taking longer than you were used to, him being more distant, no longer sharing the details of a mission with you. The first few weeks you tried to ignored it, thought it was because of a bad mission, but after a while you couldn’t ignore it anymore. Something was going on. Ghost was away on a mission when you received a text from one of his teammates, telling you he had seen Ghost leave with another woman. It left your heart shattered. You wouldn’t believe it at first, Ghost would never do this to you. But you knew it would fit, it was the missing piece of information to tie all of his odd behaviour together. You tried to ignore it at first, until the place you used to call home, was no longer appealing to return to. You could hear him set foot into the bedroom. You waited, pretending to sleep so you wouldn’t have to face him. He just stood there, as if he was waiting for you to make the first move. “Hey..” You said, making your voice sound hoarse. “How long have you been standing there?” You ask him.

“I was just admiring the view.” He answered. The fucking liar. You kick back the blankets and pat on the bed. “Come here, I’ve missed you.”

He starts to undress, and you pretend you don’t see the hickeys on his happy trail. Looking at it makes me feel sick. He slides in to bed with me, and you can feel the distance. “How was the mission?” You ask, your fingertips caressing his jawline, like you always do. “Oh you know, same old, same old.” He tells you. You can smell her on him, her perfume smells floral and expensive. He didn’t even have the respect for you to at least take a shower before coming home to you. You roll over to your other side, “let’s go to sleep, you must be tired, baby.” You say.

He wraps his arm around you, pulling you close and kissing your neck. Her perfume invading your bed, his erection pressed against you. “How about we have some fun first, hm?”

 You don’t know what makes you feel sicker. “I’m really tired, sorry.” You say, being too disgusted to even feel horny.

“Fine.” His voice got cold and he rolled away from you, refusing to touch you. Fine.

Your mind was racing, trying to make up a good excuse for him, it was trying to diffuse the situation. Surely there must be a logical explanation? He had fallen asleep next to you, you were wondering how he even could sleep at night. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he.. Maybe he.. But your mind couldn’t come up with a good reason, it was way to easy to connect the dots. But you needed to know for sure.

You saw the screen of his phone light up. Bingo.

Careful to not wake him, you got up from bed, slowly taking his phone from the nightstand, trying to not make a sound. You snuck his phone into the bathroom, you tried to unlock it, his passcode was your birthday for ages. Access denied. You frown, maybe you made a mistake typing it. You try again, this time even more careful. Access denied.        

Fuck.

You decided to type his own birthday, maybe he just happened to change it? It worked. As you scrolled through the messages you couldn’t really find anything. Soap sending him some memes. Captain Price reacting with two thumbs on everything Ghost send him. Gaz sending him pictures of food. Even their group chat was innocent.

You scrolled through everything. Until you found a hidden folder with pictures. Your eyes widened by the view. The pictures started looking innocent. Just some nudes, nothing too special. You could live with this.

Then they became more graphic. She was sitting on her knees, her tongue stuck out, semen on her face. You guess whose it was. You swiped again. It was her again, lying on a bed, looking at the camera with her hungry eyes.

A video. Against your better judgement you click on it. Your heart drops when you do so. He was fucking her like there was no tomorrow. She was on all fours, her face down, her ass up. You could tell by his pace that he was about to cum.

She helped it put it in again when it slipped out of her. It made you sick to your stomach. Yet you can’t stop watching. You’re torturing yourself. You can see his thick semen being shot on her back. You could imagine him grunting while he did so. You watch it again, pressing the volume button once. The sounds made you sick to your stomach, but your eyes were glued to the screen. The grunting was as you imagined, they were dancing with her moans. His voice cracked when he called her beautiful and you could feel your heart shatter.

A large hand slaps the phone out of your hand. “Do you always snoop through phones that aren’t yours?” A deep voice growled.

“Simon, what the fuck is this?” You ask. “What the FUCK is this?’ You yell at him.

“Oh come on, it’s nothing big.” He answered. “I’ve always been there for you!” You start to raise your voice again. “With every mission, good or bad. I have ALWAYS been by your side.”

His hand grabs your wrist. “Are you going to fucking behave?” He hisses in your ear. “Quit being a fucking drama queen.”

“Why? How could you?” Your voice sound defeated. He laughs at you. “Oh come on. You became boring. I can tell how you react at everything. It’s no longer exciting or new anymore.” He scoffs. He takes a step towards you. “Did you really think I loved you? Jezus Christ, you’re so fucking naïve.”

His words cut through you like knifes. Part of you wanted to change for him, be a more exciting person, anything so he wouldn’t leave you. But you weren’t stupid. You knew there was no coming back from this.

“I need you to get the fuck out of here.” You hissed. “Go sleep at Price or something.”

It was his laugh that sent the shivers down your spine. “I have to get out of here? Do I need to remind you this is my house? Take the few fucking things you own and get out before I kick you out.”

With tears in your eyes you grabbed your bag. You stuffed it with some clothes, your phone, your laptop and your wallet. He is right behind you when you walked out. Not saying a word to you. When you turned around to beg him to let you stay, his cold eyes told you enough. He slammed the door in your face. Leaving you all alone.

Ghost POV:

Of course I didn’t want it to end like this. She was always the safe option, but at least something was better than nothing.

I grab my phone, calling the girl I had been fucking for the past few months. A frustrated grunt leaves my throat when she doesn’t pick up. So I call again, and again until she finally picks up.

“What the fuck do you want?” She hisses at me. “It’s fucking 4 in the morning.” I let out an amused chuckle. I loved it when she was so feisty. “My girlfriend is gone for the night, and I don’t expect her home until noon. Care to come around?” I asked her. It’s quiet at the other side of the line and it is making me feel rejected. I hate that fucking feeling. “Well?” I ask, trying to hide the annoyance in my tone.

“You have a girlfriend?” The woman on the other side hissed. “You’re such a fucking pathetic man.”

I was taken aback by her reaction, where did she get the nerve to trat me like this? After all, she was nothing more than my toy. A toy I used to pass the time, but she didn’t let me answer her, her angry rant going on. “You’re a horrible, horrible man, if I had known you had a girl waiting for you, I would’ve never let you touch me.” She continued. “Lose the number, you fucking asshole.”

She hung up on me. The fucking bitch had the audacity to hang up on me? I scoffed. I didn’t need a stupid fucking toy anyway. I had you to come back to. After all, you always came back to me, no matter how much I fucked up.

I sat down on the couch, my fingers lingering over the screen of my phone. Fuck it.

“When are you coming home?” I texted you.

5 minutes. Five whole minutes had passed and you still didn’t text me back. Usually you’d text me back within seconds, like a fucking needy dog.

“Listen, I’m sorry you feel this way. I can change. I promise” I texted you again.

8 minutes. It had been eight minutes since my first text, and you didn’t hadn’t sent me anything back. It caused me to pace around my living room like a caged animal.

“Please come home, I miss you.” I texted, once more. It started to irritate me that you didn’t answer, but I couldn’t let you know.

14 minutes. The anger was getting to me. What the fuck were you doing? It was 4:28AM. You couldn’t possibly be doing something useful.

“Get your fucking ass home.”

???? POV:

He had known Ghost was a cheater, but he always tried to ignore it. Until he met you. God, you were gorgeous. It pained him that you only had eyes for Ghost. He fell in love with you the first time he met you. The way you walked, talked, your smile. Your beauty was out of this world.

But of course you were in love with Ghost. Ghost was everything he wasn’t. Mysterious, handsome, tall, confident, a deep, hoarse voice. So he hid in the shadows. He wanted you to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.

But the guilt began to eat at him when Ghost started cheating on you, bringing some blondie back to the base after a mission. Her loud moans filling the empty halls. He couldn’t ignore it anymore after Ghost had brought back the second girl, but he was to afraid to tell you. It took him two more years to finally find the courage to tell you. He couldn’t even do it face to face. No, he texted you, like a coward.

But he had finally told you and that is what mattered.

He started to hate Ghost for this. The idiot had the most precious woman in the world and he tossed it out of the window for a little thrill.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw your text. You’d gone through his phone, and now he had kicked you out?

Damn.

A feeling of guilt washed over him, if he hadn’t told you, you’d be safe and sound in your bed, not wandering the streets at 4 in the morning.

He texted you his address, offering you a place to come to if you were lonely.

Your POV:

You felt alone. So god damn alone. You’d left everything, everyone behind to move in with Simon.

There was nothing you wanted more than to get back to Simon, to feels his strong arms around you again, but you weren’t stupid. You knew those arms would never feel like home again. You knew you’d never trust him again. The common sense in your body told you, you were worth too much to worry about him, but the love you felt for him tried to prove your common sense wrong, still. You could change for him, right? You could try to be less boring, to be less predictable.

A nearby bench in the park became your new place to stay, just so you could gather your thoughts. The bag you’d been carrying with you got dropped on the ground. A big sigh followed. How does one even go from here? Back to Simon was not an option, you refused to be his second choice.

Your phone buzzed. It was Simon, asking you when you would come home. Your heart skipped a beat. He still cared about you. Of course he did, otherwise he wouldn’t be texting you! You’re trying to convince yourself, but it’s not working. Something is different. For once, your love ending didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

You fidget with your phone, ignoring the messages that come rolling in. You pressed the phone against your lips, your mind working overtime. What was it that you wanted?

After what seemed like forever you make a decision. You don’t want to be alone, not right now, so you decide to text him. Not Simon, no, he wasn’t worthy of your presence. You text the person who tipped you, after all, he had always told you he would be there for you if you needed him. It takes every ounce of your selfcontrol to not text him the whole story, so you give him a short update. 3,5 minutes. That’s how long it took for him to answer you. It’s just his address, and you take it as an invite that you’re welcome. As you open the navigation on your phone, it shows you that it is just a ten minute walk. Perfect for you to clear your head, so you wouldn’t be all in your feelings when you got to him.

It's 5:25 AM and the sun is starting to rise again. For a moment the world doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Your hands shake as you ring the doorbell. The door swings open almost immediately.

Johnny.

Ghost POV:

I was starting to lose it. You’d come online, but you didn’t read my texts? How dare you? Where the fuck do you think you have the audacity from to ignore me?

I texted you again.

“At least have some fucking respect and answer me.”

An uneasy feeling starts to linger in my stomach, causing me to pace around the living room. What if you really did decide to leave this time? No, you wouldn’t. I was sure of that. But then why didn’t you answer me?

No it shouldn’t bother me this much. I can just go to the bar and pick up a better version of you, a prettier one, a more adventurous one. Then you did the thought of you leaving me sting so much?

I lose my temper, and an empty teacup flings across the room, against the wall. The brown liquid dripping down.

A few deep breaths and I should be okay again. Wrong.

The uneasy feeling in my chest stays and there is nothing that I can do against it. Why would you do this to me? Why did you have to make things so hard? Why couldn’t you just come home when I asked you to?

God, you’re being a pain in my ass right now. Making such a fuss, and for what? Because I had a little fun? That was your fault really, you had always been a little boring, why couldn’t you just be a little spicier in life.

And now your behaviour is making me feel bad? I don’t think so. I sent you a final text.

“You’re gonna get it when you get home.”

Soap POV:

He was waiting in the living room for her, nearly falling over his own feet as he made his way to the front door. The sight of you standing there, with your broken heart is the hardest thing he had to watch.

‘Even in her agony, God is jealous of her beauty.’ Soap pushed that thought away, he wasn’t here to hit on you, he was here to be the friend you needed. He stepped aside to let you in. “It’s not much, but it’s safe.” He said, gesturing around his living room. It was clear a single man lived here, the pizza box from last night still on the table, his dirty socks and shoes next to the couch. A sheepish smile on his face, hoping that you wouldn’t judge him too much.

He was mesmerized by your eyes, but he could see the sadness, the hurt in them, and it made his heart ache.

He signalled for you to sit on the couch, handing you a beer, his own in his hand, as he took place in his recliner, wanting to keep a distance. There was a silence between the two of you, but to him it didn’t feel awkward at all. It felt like coming safe home after a long, stressful day.

He glanced over at you. You looked so fragile on his couch, a large pillow being used as a shield, as your gaze met his. A nervous smile.

Your phone buzzed, and he could see it was from Ghost, his eyes narrowing as he read the text. “At least have some fucking respect and answer me.”

But you were strong and you didn’t pay any mind to his text, you tossed the phone next to you and met his gaze once more.

Then the words started to pour out, and you told him everything. How you couldn’t believe it at first, how you finally started to connect the dots. How Ghost dared to come home smelling like another woman, the video you had watched. He took an occasional sip from his beer every now and then.

With every full sentence he could see your mind working overtime, telling you to not go back to that relationship anymore. It made his heart beat faster in his chest.

As if it’s natural the conversation shifts to a lighter one, as if you want to leave Ghost and the darkness that he brings with him in the past, and Soap was happy to oblige.

You tell him about your job, your hobbies, your favourite crystals and he takes in all the information as if it is the most important thing he has ever heard.

Your phone buzzed again and the both of you look at it at the same time.

“You’re gonna get it when you get home.”

Those words made Soap’s stomach drop, he had always known that Ghost had a temper, a bad one, but even this felt low for Ghost. He looked over at you, expecting to see fear in your face, but instead you just laughed. As if you were freed from the chackles Ghost had put on you.

“Shit.” Your voice sounded like giggle. “I should really put him in his place for speaking to me in this tone.”

‘God, her laugh could light up a room without trying.’

No stop, he shouldn’t think like that.

Maybe it was the beer talking, maybe it was the lack of common sense from the whole situation, but he had an idea. An idea that would put Ghost in his place.

“Come with me.” Soap told you, as he made him way to his bedroom. It was surprisingly tidy compared to his living room. Sure, the bed wasn’t made, and his backpack was casually tossed into the corner, and now that he looked around, his nightstand were a mess too. But the dirty socks were limited to the bathroom only and that was something.

“I need you to trust me, I’m not a pervert, I promise.” Soap was rambling, a treat he had when he got nervous. He swallowed some air before he started explaining. “I need you to get on my bed on all fours, I promise I won’t look okay.” The rambling continued.

You didn’t even question it, you just did what he asked you to do. He took a step closer to your ass, his breathing getting hard to control. “Look at the wall.” He muttered. The shadow being rather, suggestive.

‘Life was an artist and you were the fucking masterpiece.’

He couldn’t help but look down at you, the sight of you presenting yourself like this, God it got him hard, the blood going straight to his growing erection. He dug his nails into the palm of his hand, he had to contain himself.

You handed him your phone, allowing him to take a picture. If he didn’t know any better the shadow suggested he was actually fucking you. The thought of how tight you would be, how good you would take it, it was flooding his mind. Shit shit shit. He needed to stop.

He handed you your phone back, stepping aside, it would drive him insane if he kept looking at your ass.

Soap looked over your shoulder as you sent Ghost the picture. A grin on your face when you started to type.

‘Sorry, I was busy.’

Ghost POV:

It has been more than a fucking hour since I’ve sent my last text, and yet you lack the fucking respect to answer me. You’re a fucking worthless waste of air.

I look over at the table when my phone buzzed. “Sorry, I was busy?” I repeat your text to myself. My fingers are quick to open the picture you sent me.

My phone buzzed. A text from you.

No, no, no, no, NO.

I could feel my stomach drop from that picture. You’re a fucking disgusting slut and you know it. How the fuck dare you? After all we’ve been together you’re throwing us away like this? How fucking dare you?

My anger gets the best of me. I want you to be hurt. I want to take away the things you like. I want to see you cry, beg me for the mercy you don’t deserve.

In a blind rage I pull out the cutlery drawer in the kitchen, I was looking for some scissors but couldn’t find them, so I took our kitchen knife. The fucking stuffed animal I had won for you at the fair was the first to go. God it felt so good to take my anger out on something. Besides, who the fuck has a stuffed unicorn?

The rest of your clothes became my second target, a maniacal laugh leaving my throat as I could hear the fabric rip under the force of my knife. Shit it felt good, too good even. For a second I would imagine you there instead of your clothes and the rage would leave my body, but it’s temporary, I want to destroy you.

If I can’t have you, no one should have you.

My hands tremble when I look at the picture again. My eyes widen when I recognize the room, I recognize his fucking backpack, the idiotic sunglasses on his fucking nightstand.

God fucking damn.

My best fucking friend. The fucking son of a bitch.

Where the fuck did the two of you get the fucking nerve to betray me like this?

Granted, Soap had been more distance towards me since I’ve started to cheat on you, but he never had a problem with it during my last relationship. This must’ve been his idea. Letting you catch me cheating, so I’m the bad guy, while you’re getting your pussy pounded by that fucking traitor.

I’m angry, furious even. Part of me wants to take the knife and stab the both of you, watching as the life leaves your eyes. I can feel the rage boil inside of me.

A sudden wave of relief washes over me. I know what I have to do.

I leave the knife in our matrass, I don’t even grab my jacket. I know the way to his house, it’s a short walk and I know what I’ll find when I get there. You all loveydovey in his arms, as the goddamn slut that you are.

The walk there pisses me off even more, it gives me the time to think about you, about that fucking traitor of a man I used to call a friend.

My fists bang on the door. “Soap! I know you’re in there with this filthy whore.” My voice is a mere bark.

“Be a fucking man and face me.”

Your POV:

You had nearly forgotten about Simon. Not really obviously, you knew you still had to face him one day. Half of your belongings were still at that house. But for now, for now you could forget him. Soap’s bedroom was filled with laughter, you had more in common than you thought, memories, hobbies, even the same dishes you liked.

Although he liked olives, and the mere thought of them was enough to make you shudder.

Soap was in the middle of a story about Captain Price, something about his hidden porn stash when three loud bangs made the both of you quiet. It was unmistaken who’s voice it was. It felt as if a hand had reached out to your throat, squeezing it shit. Your eyes pleaded to Soap, begging him to stay in his bedroom with you. Surely Simon would leave, right? Right?

The banging got louder, more violent, his profanities carrying out over the street. All you wanted was for the ground to break open and swallow you whole.

“I have to face him.”

“What? No Johnny that’s ridiculous.”

“He won’t leave, I can just explain what happened. I’ll tell him you don’t want to see him.”

“But he sounds dangerous.”

“I’ve known him for years, lass. I’ll be fine.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

You couldn’t ignore the knot in your stomach, the horrible feeling as if something was bound to happen, Soap had closed the door behind him, as if he wanted to shield you from what was about to happen. You hid away in the corner, your knees brought up to your chest, as if you wanted to make yourself as tiny as possible.

You could hear the door open. Soap’s voice was the first to be heard. “Hey man, I know this looks ba-“ His sentence got cut short.

Something was happening, but you couldn’t make out what it was. The closed door muffled the sounds to much.

Yet the sounds of a person falling was clear to you. A man begging another man to stop, the faint sound of fists hitting their target.

Your bag.

It was still on the couch, you knew it was there, all you could do was to pray that Simon didn’t find it.

Your mind was racing, where had you put your phone? You knew it was in this room, somewhere, you had used it to text him that picture.

Oh god, why did you do that?

This was all happening because you just had to be petty. Johnny was getting murdered and you were having a pity party. Selfish bitch.

You had to find that fucking phone. Call someone. Call the police even.

But you were too scared. Afraid that if you were to move, Simon would hear you and come for you.

The sounds of footsteps on the stairs snapped you out of it. You wanted it to be Soap, you really did, but you knew it was Simon. “I know you’re in there you fucking filthy slut!”

You pressed yourself against the wall, hoping that you could blend in, maybe disappear while you’re at it.

The bedroom door swings open, and the man before you is no longer the man you once loved. His eyes are wide, his nostrils flared, a predator looking at his prey.

You can hear the soft groans coming from downstairs. You want to escape, you want to leave, but your body betrays you.

“Simon, I, I, I.” You start to stutter. His hands grab a handful of hair, forcing you to look up at him.

“You really thought you were smart, huh?” He hisses through his gritted teeth. He lets go of your hair, and for a second you think you can breathe. That was a mistake.

His right fist hits you, then his left, right, left, right, left, right. Until you start to lose count.

You hold up your arms to defend yourself, but it’s useless. He is trained to do this, and you’re his target.  

You start to beg him, beg him for your life, but you can tell he is enjoying this, your tears, the fear in your eyes, it is nothing but fuel to his anger.

His hands grab your hair again, dragging you towards the bed. You’re too stunned, too terrified to even react.

The sound of his zipper going down makes your eye widen in fear. “I’ll show you who the fuck you belong to.” He hisses at you.

It is Soap who stumbles into the room that make the both of you look up. God. He looks horrible, he looks as if he was dragged through hell and back. The pain is visible in his eyes, the blood on his face, the red marks on his body.

A broken promise.

Ghost let’s out an annoyed grunt. “I’ll take care of our little problem.” He whispers into your ear. His voice, the tone, the words, it sends shivers down your spine. The sound of his zipper going back up is a blessing and a curse.

You’re safe, for now.

You can only watch in horror when you can see Ghost make his way over to Soap. You want to react. Your mind is screaming at you to do something. But your body can’t.

It seemed as if time was slowing down. The sunset slowing illuminating the room you’re in. The tension in the thick air. It looks like a horrible nightmare, one you wish to wake up from.

You’re held captive by your own body and mind. No control over what you’re thinking or doing, it makes you feel helpless.

Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths. Snap out of that freeze response, no more freezing. You need to fight or you need to get out. Go. Go. Go.

Your body handles on it’s own, despite the pain you’re in, you manage to get up, stumbling over your own feet.

Get out or fight.

It’s the gunshot that follows next, that puts you into freeze again.

Your POV:

Ghost looked at his hands, he was visibly confused by the blood on them. His blood?

Your hands are shaking, your mind goes back to a date you and Ghost went on 2,5 years ago.

It was a sunny day, and he was so excited to take you there. He had been talking about it for a few weeks and you finally decided to give in.

Who would have thought a silly little date to a shooting range would save your life one day?

Not you, not Ghost.

You had spotted the gun in Soap’s backpack, the will to survive took over, your body snapping out of your freeze mode before your mind was able to.

“That’s a good lass.” A Scottish accent broke the silence.

Ghost dropped to his knees, his hands pressing on the gunshot wound. So much was happening at once, yet you tried to take control over the situation once again. Your hands tremble as you load another bullet into the chamber.

“Stay down or I’ll fucking shoot again.” Oh how you try to be confident, but the words are a mere whisper as the tears start to roll down your cheek. You try not to choke on your shallow breaths.

The tension in the air is horrible. You can tell Soap is holding on for dear life, not knowing how to continue. You can tell that Ghost is defeated, as if the shot held a mirror in front of him, he was no better than his father and he knew it.

And you, standing there. Holding on to that pistol for dear life, your knuckles white from the tight grip.

A few loud bangs, a loud voice, a small army of police men joining you in the room, the rest of the day a blur.

You didn’t exactly look innocent, holding a loaded weapon, pointing it to an already wounded man.

And God, for the first time you felt lucky. You could show the texts he had sent you, the way he had torn up the place you used to call home, you had only shot him once, and it was a non-lethal shot.. It all ruled in your favour, the judges ruled it self-defence.

Ghost on the other hand didn’t get as lucky, all the evidence pointed in his direction, even after you’d shot him.

Although the sentence he got was a joke.

Sixty days.

He would spent two months in jail for traumatizing you, for harming you, for destroying what belonged to you, for harming Soap, for making your home feel unsafe.

Just sixty days.

But, for sixty whole days you felt safe. You knew he wouldn’t be lurking around the corner, you knew that for sixty whole days you could breathe again.

Ghost POV:

I lost it all. And for what? For a little toy, for a little smile, for a little weak moment. Sixty goddamn days of my life.

It wasn’t even worth it. It made me lose the job I worked so hard for. Price didn’t want to hear shit after I got my sentence. I tried to explain how it wasn’t really my fault. After all, you and Soap had planned this. No matter how innocent you tried to act in court. I knew what had happened.

I really tried to live with my anger. I had to go to therapy, but that was a waste of my fucking time. I have one little outburst and all of the sudden I am the problem?

I had to sell the house, because of you. Everything reminded me of you, at night I thought I saw you stand in the doorway, I swear I could hear your footsteps, your laugh, your voice. But you were never there. It haunted me, you know that? So I sold it, bought another house. Tried to forget about you. The money I had made during my time in the military, it lasted me a long time. I didn’t have to work, no I could drown my sorrows in liquor and hookers. The funny thing was, money doesn’t last, just like we didn’t.

And I really tried. I tried to get new jobs, but they would never last. God, people are morons and I just cannot deal with them. Do you know how hard it is to keep your house when you’re not able to keep a goddamn job? And furthermore, do you know how hard it is to keep a relationship when you’re not able to hold a job, when the bills are stacking up?

God, and even if I could hold a job, I’m not able to keep a relationship, I keep searching for a piece of you. Even when they’re a perfect match, they’re still not you.

I hate myself for letting you go, I crave how predictable you were, I crave your touch, your voice, you.

Yet at the same time, I am so angry at you for taking everything from me. I deserve better than this. You took everything I worked so hard for.

The anger is tucked away, for now. It reappears whenever I hit the bottle. Everything I’ve been holding in comes out then. It’s not a pretty sight when I get my shit together again, it makes me feel ashamed.

Your little action has made me unable to look into the mirror. I see my fathers eyes whenever my eyes linger to long on the man I see in the mirror. I became what I hated the most and I can only blame you for it.

I even tried to make up with the last woman, the one you found the video of. I went to her house, tried to explain myself. I even apologised for calling her my toy. She had the audacity to laugh at me. She told me to fuck right off. Hell, she even pulled her girlfriend to her side when I asked for a second chance. It left me broken. Not even my back up wanted me anymore.

Lately I’ve been wandering the streets, as a soul without a purpose. I avoid the large windows, I cannot stand to see my reflection in them, the shell of the man I was supposed to be. I had such a good life ahead of me, but it was all ruined. My days are filled with sorrow and time is slipping through my fingers.

It is a good day, a beautiful day, so I decide to go to the park, maybe it would ease my mind, before I would go home and get drunk again. I wander around in the park, aimlessly, the sun on my skin is a nice feeling, it beats the feeling of feeling sorry for myself.

My heart skips a beat when I see you. You’re standing close to the water, and I can’t tell what you’re saying to the man in front of you, but you look happy. The clothes you’re wearing fit your body perfectly, and truth be told, you look better than you’ve ever looked before.

God I miss you. I miss you so goddamn much. I start to make my way over to you, I want to talk to you, maybe there is a new chance for us to be together. The guy you’re with can suck it, I can show you what you deserve.

My blood runs cold when I see the man in front of you go down on one knee.

No.

Your POV:

You never stepped foot into that house again, you tried, but the tea stained wall was enough for you to back down. All your belongings you had left behind were things you could replace.

But that wasn’t your biggest worry. Soap had risked his life for you, and for what? Because you needed to prove a point to Simon? You felt so, so, so goddamn guilty. Luckly for the both of you, Soap ‘only’ had two broken ribs, a black eye and a few other bruises. You both knew it could have ended different.

Soap was a kind soul, and you knew it. He offered you a place to stay when you couldn’t go back to the place you once called home. He insisted on taking the couch, even with his injuries. He insisted that you were the one who deserved to sleep in his bed after everything you had been through.

In return you made him breakfast every day. The man was a sucker for fresh pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, maple syrup. All of them together, or just one of those things. It didn’t matter to him, as long as it was something you had cooked, this man was content.

What started as just breakfast, quickly became dinner too, lunch followed shortly  after. Although Soap slept on the couch, he wouldn’t hesitate to come running up the stairs when he could hear you having a nightmare, eventually you’d start having flashbacks of that morning. The events repeating themselves in your mind time after time, leaving you frozen in place.

Soap was there for you, no questions asked. He was on medical leave anyway, and he wanted to care for you, protect you. He would always be there when the nightmares or flashbacks started. Holding you, grounding you, bringing you back into reality every time.

After one particular flashback the two of you stayed on the couch, even though it was late at night. You didn’t dare to go to sleep, worried that the nightmares would keep you up again, and Soap wasn’t going to let you out of his sight.

The next thing you knew was that you woke up with him in your arms. His head resting on your shoulder as you held him tight. The best part of it all? It never felt awkward. When he finally woke up he had a boyish grin on his face.

“Best night of sleep I’ve had in a while.” He told you, before he gave you some space again. “How about I make you some pancakes this time?”

You had always thought that Ghost made you feel at home, but Soap.. Holy shit, Soap was something else. When the night fell that day and it was time to go to bed you held your hand out to him, he didn’t have to sleep on the couch anymore. Not if it was up to you anyway.

You could tell he was hesitant to take your hand. “I want you to, no, I need you to know you don’t have to do this to pay me back in any way, shape or form.” He began. You shushed him. This wasn’t about paying him back, this was about the feeling that had began to grow inside your heart.

He responded with a simple kiss on your nose. A token of appreciation.

It was the start of something beautiful, Soap was so much kinder than Ghost had ever been to you. Because it was Soap who woke you up with a thousand and one kisses on every inch of skin he could get his hands on, it was Soap who made sure you were always comfortable, no matter where you were or what you were doing. It was Soap who made sure you would at least get a text every day when he was on a mission, it was Soap who hid little love notes around the house when he was away.

Soap brought you stones from the missions he had been on, always proudly telling you how he picked the prettiest rocks, just for you. Even when he was away on missions, he always made sure you never, ever felt lonely.

He had just come home after he went to a little bakery to get you both breakfast, so you could sleep in.

“I saw some ducklings in the park when I walked back.” He told you, before he took a bite of his croissant.

“Really?” Your voice is filled with excitement. “Can we check them out after breakfast?”

“Only if I get a kiss first.”

“Deal!”

“Ah shoot, I should’ve asked for more.” The Scot pouted while he stole your last piece of pastry.

“Hey! That was mine.”

“Sorry lass, boyfriend tax.” He grinned as he swallowed the stolen bite.

“Now.” A devilish grin formed on his lips. “You still owe me a kiss.”

A laugh escapes your lips before he kisses you, his strong arms wrapped around you, as your hands rest on his waist. “That was worth all the ducklings in the world.” He whispers to you as he presses a quick kiss on your forehead.

“Come little lass, before those ducklings are fully grown ducks.”

He doesn’t let go off your hand for the whole walk to the park, the two of you walk in silence, and it’s nice. His presence is enough for you, and you are enough for him.

You look around the little pond to see a glimpse of the promised ducklings, but they are nowhere to be seen. You have your back turned to him, as your eyes scan the area.

“They’re gone.” Your voice sounds disappointed. “Well damn it, I want that kiss back Jo-“ Your breath hitches in your throat when you turn around to face him.

There he is, on one knee in front of you, a little black box in his hand.

“Will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?”

[under-the-dirt]

Hi hi!! I was wondering if you could write a Price x Reader one-shot. In the story, the reader was involved with Price but ended up pregnant, resigning and cutting off contact due to the fear of jeopardizing Price's job or their relationship. After some time, Price spots her and her baby outside and approaches her.

Angst to fluff would be nice and the baby’s name could be Evangeline, I find that name adorable 🥹

hihihi anon!!! this idea is so sweeeeeeeettt!! sorry it took so long to write i’ve been busy and very very tired </3

pairing: john price x afab!reader

tags: pregnancy/mention of babies, a little angst, implied sex, pov change, under 13 dni :3

Price was devastated when he heard you were leaving. He knew, no strings attached, it was simply giving and getting, helping each other with their needs, but he couldn’t help but fall in love with you. The way you smiled, the way you laughed, the way you moaned and whined, the way you clenched around him so nicely…

Next thing he knows, you’re leaving. He’d noticed something had been a little.. off about you, you’d been emotional, more quick to outbursts or tears, but he just assumed it was your period, as your cramps were pretty bad.

He didn’t think it’d come to this, to you leaving him. Leaving all of them. He watched you hug Soap and Gaz goodbye, he watched you shake Simon’s hand, and he watched you nod in his direction. He also watched the way your eyes changed when you looked at him. Your pupils grew, your eyes displaying all the love you had for him, but written on your face was purely guilt and shame.

As the time went on, he didn’t think he’d see you again. Ever. He found himself trapped in his work, rarely leaving his office to get food and water or go to sleep. He knew he looked like shit. It was obvious, with his beard growing out, the dark bags beneath his eyes and his hollowed cheeks. He looked like a ghost, frankly. So, the boys decided to get him out. They wanted to take him out for a day in the town, where he wasn’t allowed to work or do anything but have fun. So here he was, waiting for a coffee at a little cafe when he watched you walk in holding a baby. You were pregnant? As he stared, he noticed the baby girl looked so much like him. Her deep blue eyes, a fluffy head of brown hair, just a little carbon copy of him.

-

You took your baby out to grab a coffee and maybe get her a little treat. You were so focused on your task and your babbling little girl, you didn’t notice the large group of very built men. As you walked to the other side of the counter to wait for your coffee and the muffin you ordered for you and your baby, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned with a smile, expecting a compliment, but as you looked up you were met with the father of your baby. Captain John Price.

“C-captain?” You stuttered, confused and surprised. He looked terrible, sunken eyes and hollow cheeks, out of instinct you reached your hand up and touched his cheek gently.

“Can we speak outside, love?” He asks, and god he sounds horrible too. You nod, walking out with him. He leads you into the alley and leans against the wall, hand over his face. “Is it..” He begins.

“Yes,” You answer quickly. rocking your baby gently.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to get in trouble, if anyone found out what we were doing.”

“I wouldn’ ‘ave cared, bunny. You know this.”

“It’s- it’s whatever..” You say softly, rocking your baby gently, looking at her instead of price.

“What’s ‘er name?”

“Evangeline.” You answer, rubbing her head gently as she whined and babbled.

“Can.. Can I.. Hold ‘er?” He asks nervously, biting his bottom lip as he looks down at you and your baby- no, his baby, in your arms. He watches you slowly place his baby in his arms, adjusting his arms to support her tiny body and little head properly. He’d always been a man of little emotion, but all the tears he’d drowned in whiskey decided to come up now. You didn’t even quite realize he was crying until you heard him sniffle, looking up and seeing tears streaming down his face as his lips shook. He gently rubs Evangeline’s cheek with his thumb, feeling her soft, perfect skin beneath his rough, calloused finger.

“You’re a natural,” You whisper, placing your hand on his arm. He nods, letting out a small sob and squeezing his eyes shut.

This great, strong man, one who’d seen the horrors of war, death, blood and gore, the man who’d forgotten how to flinch even with a gun at his head, was sobbing over his baby. The one he never even knew existed until now. He was filled with regret and guilt. He couldn’t be there to support you while you were pregnant, to help you take care of the baby, to support you whenever life got too much, to make sure you could afford anything you needed, it hurt. He was supposed to be there for you, but he’d been too much of a pussy to ever try.

So here he stands, holding his baby girl for the first time, sobbing as he admires her. His baby. His little girl. His.

omg i’m so sorry this took forever nonnie!!! i procrastinated way too much!!! i’ve just been super busy with a lot of things, mostly stress and sleeping. life’s been difficult!!! i’ve been falling asleep far earlier than i normally do and i’ve been unable to do most things i enjoy!!! but i really hope you like this!!! <3333 also, when i imagined price crying i imagined my dad. my dad doesn’t really do crying and stuff, like most dads, and the last time i saw him cry was because he was shown so much love by people he never thought even cared about him. it was so sweet, and so that’s what imagined when price cried <3

[yayeetsonny]

One can only take so much… before they break

(Alex Morgan X OC)

Hi, yes i know i’ve been away for a very long time, but I wanted to give this writing thing another shot to see if I still had anything left in the tank. Hopefully this isn’t the most dreadful thing you’ve ever read. So sorry if it is. Please be advised this one deals with some very strong emotions and topics. Implied mental abuse, Suicidal ideation and just overall sadness and anxiety. This will be a multi parter as my fingers got away from me lol.

This one is 99% Alex x OC, although the character’s name is never dropped as I wasn’t sure if I was going to make this an x reader fic or not. If anyone has any name suggestions at the end I’m all ears. And future parts will definitely be more USWNT x OC

3.4k Words

Everything is your fault. It always is. Why can’t you do anything right?! It all fell apart because of you! You know that, and so do they. They hate you for it. Your own mother won’t even talk to you.

“Hey, kid… Kid?…Dude!” I was so lost in thought I didn’t even hear one of my teammates calling out to me.

“Huh? What?” I looked up to see Alex looking down at me worriedly.

“Are you okay little duck?” She said squatting down so she was eye level with me. She put her hand on my cheek rubbing it softly raising an eyebrow when i didn’t say anything immediately.

“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” I said softly, making a poor attempt at a smile but I’m fairly certain it came across as a grimace instead. I looked down and refused to look back up even though I could feel Alex trying to get me to look at her.

“Hey… what is it?” She said moving her head so she could look into my eyes, which at this point were watering and I was doing my very best to force the tears away.

“I-It’s nothing… I-I’m fine.” I said, my voice breaking. I brought my hand up to rub my eyes and I stood up and tried to make a quick get away, but Alex wasn’t having it.

“Stop, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” She put her hands on my shoulders to try and stop me from leaving but I pushed her off and started to walk away.

“I said I’m fine, just drop it Alex. Please.” I gave up trying to stop the tears, they were freely flowing now and i let out a sob as I broke into a full sprint when I heard her starting to follow me, calling out to me. I ran passed several of our fellow national team, teammates who were watching everything unfold.

I beat her to the locker room, grabbed my stuff and made a mad dash to my car, getting in and attempting to regulate my breathing. The tears were still coming in full force, sobs racked my body as I tried and failed to calm myself down. How pathetic is this? Crying like a big baby, because your mommy made you sad? I really am weak aren’t I? No that’s not true. The girls always tell me I’m strong and that I’m their brave big girl. Yeah it’s a bit baby-ish but it gets the point across. I wrestled with my own thoughts and was so engrossed in arguing with myself that i didn’t even realize I made it back to my apartment already. I also didn’t hear my phone ringing incessantly while I drove. I hesitated a bit seeing as it was Alex, probably trying to figure out where i went. It almost went to voicemail before i decided to answer.

“Hello” my voice was raw from all the crying I did, but I sounded more tired than distraught now.

“Baby, where did you go? What happened back there? Why did you run away? Please talk to me. I’m worried about you.” She said all in one breath, I bit my lip contemplating my answer. Then i took a deep breath and decided to just bite the bullet and be at least partially truthful.

“I… um, I was going thru a-a lot during the break between camps, I mean I guess I still am going thru a lot right now, given my very apparent meltdown earlier. I-I’m sorry Alex, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I won’t do it again, I swear.” My damn voice started breaking again as the tears started back up.

“Hey, hey, hey… little one, please breathe, you’re okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. Take deep, slow breaths, in and out.” she said gently, guiding me thru some breathing exercises until my breathing was less erratic. “Can you tell me where you are please? I’m going to come get you and we’ll talk this through and maybe we can order a pizza and watch movies, what do you say?” She asked, I could tell she was trying to remain calm but I could hear her voice quiver just slightly. She was scared, and rightfully so, this isn’t the first time I’d run off and usually when i did, I became self destructive at worst and let myself rot in bed for a week at best.

“I’m at the apartment.” I said and she let out a sigh of relief on the other end of the line.

“Okay good. I’m on my way, be there in 10. Stay there, please.”

I took one last deep breath before I got out of the car and made my way inside. I intended to sit on the couch and wait for her to get home but then the more i thought about having to talk to Alex about what’s been going on the more anxious i became. I started pacing and started mumbling to myself about what i was going to say and how I was going to say it. I wanted to let Alex in but I knew if I wasn’t careful I would let her in too much and I wasn’t ready for that. Being 17 and all my ability to regulate my emotions and understand them wasn’t the best as I’m sure you’ve already figured out.

10 minutes went by quickly and Alex was there before i knew it. She quickly made her way inside and dropped her bag by the door, coming up to me and taking me by the shoulders again to get me to stop pacing.

“Stop, please. You’re spiraling, what’s going on?”

“I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what? Is it your family? Soccer?”

“Family.” I mumbled, attempting to yank myself out of her grasp but she just wrapped her arms around my torso tightly so i couldn’t run away. “Let go Alex I can’t do this. Please let go.” I kept fighting against her hold but she wasn’t relenting, and while i would’ve denied it in the moment, I needed that.

“Shh, shh bub, just relax. I’ve got you. I’m here now it’s all gonna be okay, okay? I promise. Please just let me help you.” She said softly and I finally just allowed her to fully pull me against her chest, she relaxed her grip just slightly moving one of her hands to the back of my head, stroking my hair softly, resting her chin on the top of my head. “You’re okay, you’re safe now.” She whispered, and she continued to mumble reassurances to me as she rocked me in her arms slightly.

“Do we have to talk about this?” I mumbled.

“Yeah kid unfortunately we do. You know the rules when you decide to run away like you did earlier.” She kissed my head before picking me up with ease and moving us to the couch. She kept her hold on me and let me curl up into her lap, I tucked my head in the crook of her neck.

“I don’t want to.” I attempted to say firmly but it came out as a whine.

“Remember what I said? It’ll all be okay. I know this is scary but I’m not going anywhere and anything you tell me isn’t going to scare me away. I promise you. You’re my brave big girl, hmm?”

“I’m 17, you know?” I said in an attempt to seem tough.

“And that’s why i said you’re a big girl. But you’re still the baby on the team and little one to me.” She said chuckling softly. “You can do this.” she said after a moment rubbing my arm gently.

“I can do this.” I repeated to myself. I moved myself out of the safety of Alex’s arms slightly, putting some distance between us and turning to fully face her, steeling myself for the tough conversation ahead. I’m a very sensitive and emotional person so these conversations always make me cry no matter how much I try to stop it.

Do you want me to call the rest of the girls? Is this something they should know about too?”

“Too many people. Not ready, I think it’s better if I tell you everything first and then maybe only tell them the gist of it after.”

“Okay, then that’s what we’ll do. Whenever you’re ready.”

“I guess I’ll start at the beginning. So you know how in between camps and during off season I go home to be with my family? Well I went and everything fell apart, and it’s all my fault. Just like everything always is.”

“Hey, no don’t say that.” She cut me off, she hates when i am self deprecating.

“Its true though. I fucked everything up. You know how my brother and I work at the same place right? Well and you know how my shift is closing? So I work 1-10pm? Which my mom hates.” She nodded her head as I was talking to let me know she was following along. “Well one night it was bad… The weather was horrendous because in my hometown we get a lot of snow. A-and so one of the days I worked I was one of the f-few people to show up and, when everything was all said and done there was a huge mess left behind from the disaster of a day we had….” I was beginning to become emotional just thinking about what had happened that night, and i hated that it still made me feel such strong emotions.

“It’s okay, do you want to keep going?” Alex asked me softly, stroking the back of my head softly. she knew sometimes that talking about things was hard for me and that i needed to take breaks in order to get the whole story out.

“Yes i need to. I can do it.” I said determinedly. Blinking away the tears.

“Anyways, it was a mess and being a “Back up Team lead” sometimes i made a decision to send everyone else home and clean up. And since my brother worked on overnights I called him and asked him to come help me clean up so that i could go home at a semi-reasonable time. He came over to help but when they wanted to send him back to his normal area he refused and he s-started arguing with his boss about how he was going to choose family over his job at the moment and they d-didn’t like that so they sent him home for the night, and he didn’t have a car so he called my mom to pick him up…” I stopped to catch my breath as i realize I hadn’t been breathing

“Shh, easy baby, nice, slow deep breaths, you’re doing so good.” She said. I hadn’t been looking at Alex very much this whole time but when I finally did I could see unshed tears in her eyes. I knew it was hard for her any time i was upset or emotional in a negative way. She gently wiped away the tears that made their way down my cheeks.

“My mom came to get him, and then she called me, and she was angry, she demanded I come home so I did and when I got there she told me she had a lot of opinions about what happened but she was just going to keep her mouth shut. She told me to get out of her sight so I did. She wouldn’t even look at me. Just like that I was transported back to when I was a little kid and she would get angry and she would just tell me she didn’t want to look at me. It felt like a knife to the chest. I didn’t understand what i did to upset her so much and I knew she wouldn’t tell me. All part of her “healing process.” I said bitterly.

“Fast forward to the next morning, I woke up to the news my brother had been fired. I called him to apologize and I asked him what our mom said to him and he said that she blames me for him getting fired. She said I should have known better. I knew how much he needed that job.” My hands were shaking and my breathing was ragged as I played with the strings of my hoodie.

“That wasn’t your fault, you have to know that.”

“Yes it was. It is. He hasn’t found a job since and he-he’s struggling again. You remember what happened last time he was struggling don’t you? I can’t do that again, I can’t! Everything he does, every decision he makes that’s not good is my fault. My mom wants me to be “an example” for him but he’s older! How fucking twisted is that?! Why are things never his fault?!” I yelled standing up suddenly startling Alex.

“Okay, okay let’s take a break hmm?” Alex stood up holding up her hands to show me she meant no harm.

“No! You don’t get it! Everything is my fault! My own mother thinks so! I know he’s struggling but can’t she see I’m struggling too?! ” I threw a plastic cup that was on the table across the room.

“Stop. Now. We don’t throw things when we’re upset, do you understand?” Alex said sternly.

My lip wobbled as I started crying again. “I’ve spent the last 4 years trying my very best to hold my family together through everything we’ve been thru. I got my brother the job working where i do and now I’m the reason he lost it. And now he and his girlfriend risk being homeless because she doesn’t have a job either. And if they lose their apartment they move back home with my mom, which means I’ll probably have to move back to be there with her because I can’t just leave her there by herself with them. It wouldn’t be fair. Which in turn means I’ll have to put my life on hold. The life I finally made for myself.”

I’m so tired of being emotional exhausted. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t even want to be alive anymore.”

“Woah, hold on… what do you mean by that?” Alex’s eyes widened as she processed what i said.

“I mean what I just said I don’t want to be alive anymore okay? I want the pain to stop. I need it to stop.”

The silence that followed was long and tense. I immediately regretted saying what i said. But realized i couldn’t walk it back. Alex finally took a deep breath and began speaking again.

“How long have you been feeling this way? Do you- Do you have a plan?” She asked quietly, her voice breaking as she did.

“No I don’t have a plan, I just sometimes think about how much easier it would be if I wasn’t here anymore. And sometimes I think about hurting myself but i haven’t acted on it. And i’ve been feeling this way since last year, when my mom and i got into that big blowout fight at Thanksgiving. You know she didn’t even want me moving out here? She’s never really let that fight go.” I laughed hollowly.

“Thank you for telling me, and being honest with me. I know that wasn’t easy. Why didn’t your mom want you to move out here?”

“She thinks you and the girls have too much of an influence over me. She thinks you guys are “changing” me. She threatened to force me to quit playing soccer all together.”

“What? Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”

“It didn’t seem relevant.”

“Didn’t seem relevant?! How’s that? If i had known that I would’ve just had you move out here permanently!”

“Alex…”

“No I’m serious! I understand you’re still 17 but you’re out of high school and you should be able to decide your own path.

“I’ve been trying, but the situation with my brother gives her more reason to say i should just quit playing.

Alex goes quietly again and I can tell she’s thinking. I can tell she’s angry. She has never really liked my mom and visa versa, their relationship is courteous at best.

“I think sometimes you forget that you’re still a kid. I know that you have had a lot put on your shoulders and that a lot is expected of you, but your brothers choices that night are not your fault and I’m sorry he’s having a hard time and he might have to move back home, which yes will be hard for your mom but that doesn’t mean that you have to give up your life for them. They will be okay. I promise you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes i do, you wanna know how I know?” She said and I nodded meekly.

“I know because your brother is strong, and so is your mom. And while i’ve never met her I’m sure his girlfriend is too. You don’t have to hold anyone else up but yourself. Not anymore. Their emotions and their… predicaments are not yours to try and fix. i don’t want you going home for a while okay? It’s clear that it’s taking a toll on you and to be frank, This is your home. Here with me, With the other girls. We have you okay? And we will never leave you. Ever.”

I turned away from her and tried to calm myself completely. I was so over all the crying and I bet you are too.

“You’re probably so sick of me crying.” I said chuckling quietly. Alex Vehemently shook her head and wrapped her arms around me, kissing my head.

“Not at all, you needed to get it out. it’s never good to hold it all in like you did, you know that.”

“I know, I just…”

“Have a hard time letting yourself be vulnerable. I know love. I know. So here’s what we’re going to do. I think writing your thoughts out might help what do you think?”

“Maybe…” i said hesitantly.

“Don’t worry no one else will read it but you. And the only way anyone will ever know anything you write down is if you tell them. And I know you going home for part of the year is to help you be able to pay your half of the rent but don’t worry about it okay? I will cover any excess we have from the missing income okay? I meant it when I said your home was here with me.”

“Alex you don’t have to-….”

“Yes i do. You’re very important to me, and I care about you and the things you need. And right now you need a bit of a break.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Anything for you kid. Now listen I also want you to really consider talking to a therapist or a mental health professional about how you’ve been feeling okay? I won’t force you but I think you might benefit from it. And please talk to me, or one of the other girls if you feel like hurting yourself. I don’t want you to think you have to go thru that alone okay?”

“Okay i will.” She’s right, it’s probably about time i go to therapy, I’m still hesitant as sharing my feelings and the things i keep inside has never been my strong suit.

“Now, how about you go take a warm shower to calm down a bit more, I’ll order some pizzas and get the girls over here?”

“I’d like that.” I smiled softly and headed upstairs to do as she suggested.

About an hour later I was showered, comfy and sitting on the couch sandwiched between Alex and Christen. A “Chrislex” sandwich if you will. Tobin was on Christen’s left, Mal, Sam, Kristie, Rose and the rest of the team were laying as close to me as they could get and spread out through out the living room. Pizza was also spread out through the room as people shared with one another. We had Moana on as the girls said I could pick and that’s my go to movie. I was so focused on the movie i almost didn’t notice my phone buzzing at my side. I looked at the text that came thru and my heart dropped as I realized who it was from… My mom.

“You need to come home.”

Is all it said. My hands instantly started shaking and I had that panicking feeling rising in my chest again. Alex looked over at me curiously and I forced the fakest smile i could muster onto my face. I’m in deep shit now…

//

To Be Continued…

There will be a part 2 and the rest of the team will be in that one more, promise. Please let me know what you think!

[importantgalaxyrunaway]

Chapter 1 - midnight cuddles - Colby Brock x y/n

SUMMARY: this is to chapter one of a Colby x y/n fanfic in this chapter y/n has a bunch of nightmares the night before they are going into the sallie house so she goes to Colby for comfort ( I took small inspiration form Katniss and peeta )

CONTENT WARNING ⚠️ fluff , lime at most, nightmares

I wake with a start I have been having had a horrible nightmare I remember demons dragging me back and ripping my skin apart . I’m shaking and crying when I wake up. I get shivers as I think about it. I walk around my hotel room getting water. I try to calm myself down but I can’t and I can’t go back to sleep either. I feel so weak that I haven’t even been in the sallie house yet but I’m having nightmares. I try to go back to sleep for a bit but I’m too scared. I want someone to comfort me.

I was always close with both Sam and Colby that’s why I’m coming on this adventure. But I was close with them in different ways. Sam was like a brother to me whereas Colby….. I’m not sure of my feelings for him. He is a great friend and he is very very attractive. I have a crush on him. With Colby I feel safe. Could this be love? I feel like he protects me, witch he does. More than anyone in our friend group he Protects me the most. Always looking out for me and making sure I’m safe. But I’ve always felt this certain way about him. Like I have this stirring inside for him and only for him. Right now I needed his comfort.

I got of from my bed. I am wearing pajamas pants with stars ✨ on them and a moon 🌙 on the t shirt. I quietly tip toed out of my room closing the door, and into Colby’s hotel room right across from mine. I walked across the hotel floor in my slippers. I hesitated…. Would he be mad at me for waking him up? What if he was asleep? But Colby was never one to get mad at me he was sweet. So I knocked lightly on the door.

I was surprised that he answered. The door opened and the frame of the fit Colby Brock appeared in doorway he leaned against the doorframe you could clearly see his abs and his hair was messy but he didn’t look disheveled at all. He Looked very hot.

“hey you okay?it’s late” he said in a husky voice that caught me off guard “ I’ve been having terrible nightmares I haven’t been able to sleep”

“ come sleep with me then” he said with a smile. He took by the hand and led me into his room closing the door. It was dark in the room but I could see him blushing and so was I. He turned on his bedside lamp and we sat on the bed together.

“ to be honest I couldn’t sleep either” he said “I’m glad you came” he smiled I looked into his eyes we were both blushing. He put his hand on my cheek and pulled me in for a slow passionate kiss. He pulled back though “ I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me I-“ I stopped him by pulling him back and saying “Do you know how long I have been wanting you to do that?” And kissed him even harder these kisses turned into a passionate make out session where Colby rubbed my thighs and gave me hickeys all over even in visable places. They felt so so impossibly good and he was by far the best kisser i have ever met. But we were to tired to do anything else and collapsed into each other’s arms. Colby was now shirtless and had my head rested on his chest, In awe of his abs. “Will you be my girlfriend y/n” he said. “ we’ll considering the fact that I just made out with you I think you know the answer” she smiled As we snuggled we drifted off into a nightmare free sleep. And both y/n and Colby were finally dating their crush.

AUTHORS NOTE

the end of chapter 1 , am going to make into a book and post it all on here please don’t be harsh with me this is my first time ever writing fan fiction and I put a lot of work into this and worked really hard and it took time Ty for reading if you think they are moving too fast then know that both Colby and y/n had a crush on each other for a long time

Also lime means it’s not quite smut but there is kissing and stuff

I worked very hard on this

[babiebom]

Hiiii. I hope ur ok with my just constantly being like *ahem* spencer reid 👉🏻👈🏻🥹🥹. I loved how you wrote him in the last request! I feel like a lot of the time, people write him very ooc - just bc he can be hard to get written the right way, but like that's my boy, look at him spitting random facts for HOURS 🥰🥰?? Like yes, pls info dump on me while I stare at u lovingly, Spence 💞.

I recently came to terms with being ftm, but it's almost impossible to find any male! reader x Spencer Reid content. Which can be very dysphoric 😵‍💫. Which sucks! Bc holy hell, there are some fuckinnn amazing writers out there writing fanfics.

So now, I have come to you, an amazing writer out here writing fanfics, to beg ask if ud be down to write any kind of oneshot with Spencer Reid dating a male reader! It honestly doesn't have to be anything specific - romantic, angsty, enemies to lovers, slow burn, whatever peaks ur interest atm!

I would just love, love to have that content with Spence & a male reader if you're down for the task! Thank you so so muchh 💓. Hope ur having a wonderful morning / afternoon / evening !

A/N:im sorry this took so long!! I’ve been busy working (blegh) and I wanted to write something sweet for you!! I’m happy you’ve come to terms with being ftm!! As a cis identifying person myself I can’t say that I know how it feels, but I am VERY happy that you’re more comfortable with your identity!! Also never worry about being too “crazy” over Spencer I’ve been obsessed with him since I was about 5 or 6 (yes it’s been a long time)!! I’ll try more to write in a more gender neutral way when writing anything reader insert related that way you can enjoy my writing without feeling left out or anything!! Always let me know if there are things I can do better <3

Tw: maybe some cursing but overall should be wholesome

Wc: 0.54k

Criminal Minds Masterlist

Spencer Reid often came home dejected after a case gone wrong, it was often that he came home tired but happy after a successful case. It wasn’t often, however, that he came home excited for a break; but then again he hadn’t had a boyfriend to come home to on previous breaks. Now, as you watch him walk through the front door of your shared apartment, you can’t help but grin at the absolutely goofy look on his face.

“Emily gave us all 4 weeks off to rest after our latest case, so that means I get four WHOLE weeks of you to myself! Isn’t that great?” He lets out a giggle after he finishes speaking, putting his bag down on the kitchen counter. You didn’t even have to ask him why he was so giddy, he answered unprompted.

“It is great!” You try to match his energy, only seeing him this excited for the first time since you’ve met. He brings you into his embrace, hugging you so tightly that you think you might die if he squeezed you any tighter. “So what are your plans now that you’re a free man for four whole weeks?”

“Well we could go to the park and play chess, or stay here and play chess but I think the sunlight would be good for both of us. Or we could go to the movies, or take a class together, or…”

“Your plans are to just have dates with me every single day?” You ask, quirking an eyebrow.

He nods as if the answer is the most obvious, concrete fact in the universe. He looks at you, not as if you’re dumb, but as if to say ‘duh what else would I be planning to do?’.

The two of you move to sit on the couch, enveloped in each other as he talks about the many, many dates you’re going to go on now that he’s free from his time constricting job. “What if I don’t wanna do those things?” You ask playfully. He shrugs.

“It doesn’t matter what we do, as long as I get to do it with you”.

“Oh?” You look at him as if he said something scandalous, “I didn’t know you had that big of a crush on me.”

He shoves you gently, rolling his eyes at your attempt to joke off his sweet words.

“You’re joking but studies have found that couples who have regular date nights more often result in higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and a stronger emotional connection. Us going on dates during these four weeks will be better for us in the long run.”

You don’t reply, or interrupt. It’s always amusing to listen to him ramble on and on about facts that he finds interesting or applicable to the conversation. And all it does is make you fall more in love with him, seeing how serious he is about your relationship working out in the future. He says that he loves you often, but it’s things like this; seeing and listening to how much he genuinely cares about your relationship.

Being the boyfriend of a pretty boy genius has its perks, and how much he cares about you compared to others is definitely one of them.

[p1nkshield]

welcome weary traveler you’ve made it to chapter eight! It’s been a long time since I’ve updated, sorry!

Jason was very okay with being a zombie. It was what he joked about when things got overwhelming. He now had a new specific descriptor and a support system he never knew existed. I was strange. The level of self reliance he was used to was now no longer needed. If he were to fall ill he wouldn’t be met with confusion at his vitals or being treated like a case unheard of prior. It was comforting to have someone say, “that’s totally normal, it happened to me”. This would lose a bit of its luster as Jason phased through the kitchen floor with a yelp for the fifth time in ten minutes.

Danny grabbed onto his arm and pulled to no avail.

“Try to fly up instead just accepting your fate.”

Jason was too busy clawing at the floor like a cat being dragged to a bath to heed his advice. This was also to no avail as his arms swished through the floor like it was mist and he fell completely.

Tim was having a very entertaining morning. Watching idly as his older brother’s legs dangled and flailed from the ceiling of the bat cave made his coffee much more enjoyable. He had made a bet with Cass on how many times Jason would fall through before he got used to his newfound abilities. Cass had more faith in him than he did saying that he would fall under 200 times.

FWUMP

By the way things were looking Tim would not have to fight the condiment king for a whole month!

Jason was getting tired feeling like every step was a gamble. Danny was little help. The most he did was graciously build a barrier so that he wouldn’t fall into the mantle of the earth. Witnessing the feat was bewildering. He was scampering about the bat cave picking things up, asking “do you use this?” And then promptly dropping or tearing apart the tech based on the answer. He haphazardly squeezed together a projector-like device and turned it on, producing a neon green grid.

“What is that?” Jason asked as he tested this mesh with his foot.

Danny jumped onto the grid, displaying its bounciness.

“Baby proofing!” Danny joked

“As you develop your powers you’re not going to be able to fully regulate your intangibility. So until you’re phase trained this will help you from sinking into the ground.”

Was Jason going to sink into the ground? Phase training? Jason was getting a bit worried… it was probably fine.

THWUMP

Just as soon as Jason got up the stairs and got his lunch together he fell again. Green was starting to tinge the edge of his vision.

“That’s 15 times today! Start prepping your anti ketchup wash kit!”

Tim was keeping count? They bet on how many times he would fall?! Jason was starting to seethe.

“Jason! Try to think solid thoughts if your feeling yourself slipping!” Danny said, sticking his head through the floor.

Not helpful. Jason did not respond. He was very tired of falling. The first time had been a shock to everyone but Danny. They had all been eating dinner together, a small miracle, and Jason just fell out of his chair. He made a sound comparable to a perfectly cut scream as he was in one room then clipped into the next.

Right now the only thing Jason could do was think of that and breathe in an effort to calm himself down.

Tim took a tentative step back. “You okay?”

Jason thought the answer was quite obvious and simply glared in Tim’s direction.

Danny flew down from the kitchen and procured a glass of ectoplasm from the tanks and placed it into Jason’s hands.

“Drink.”

Jason drank and was immediately was full of much less rage than before. Great. He needed baby proofing and now got hangry like a toddler. Just great. At least he could see the humor in Tim’s bet now.

“Your wager.”

Tim was still tentative about the situation. “…Yeah?”

Jason downed the rest of the ectoplasm

“I want in. I bet less than 50.”

@skulld3mort-1fan @addie-lover-of-stories @ivymala07 @nottmuchtopost @stargazer-luna a @icecweme @dontfightmecauseillcry @seraphinedemort @tinybrie @kyrianclawraith @spoopyspoony @joyfulcollectordreamland @luffyrose @nixthenerd @darkstarsapocalypse @lemccr @busterkeel @britcision @inthereellife @vythika96 @chrysanthemum9484 @blankliferain @sara0055 @pike-s @xye-chan @blackroselina @malice-of-the-sunrise @gin2212 @meira-3919 @undead-essence @onlyhereforthechaos @charcoalstainedbones @ectoradiation @persephoneblackrose @farmercale @claudiashq @boo-ghosties @56thingsinaname @insomniaxonline @thefanficcup @terzatheunderscorerima @wolfeyedwitch

Lmk if you don’t want to be tagged anymore!

[hearts4leeknow]

Chicken Nuggets || Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: angst-fluff (hurt/comfort?)

Warning(s)?: hurtful words (hannie didnt mean it), Han is a little bit of a meanie (but he makes up for it)

Han Jisung x Reader

Summary: You storm off into you and Hannies shared bedroom with hurt feelings. Han knows he messed up but thinks an apology isn’t enough so he makes some chicken nuggets for you <3

a/n: My friends were giving me suggestions and this one is from my friend @ghostaurel <33

“you’re so clingy it’s suffocating you know? Can you not see I don’t wanna talk to you!”

Han’s words repeated in your head over and over again each time you heard it you’d let out a sob. Does he really think i’m that clingy? No, was the answer but his words earlier said otherwise. Han knew he was wrong as soon as the filthy words left his mouth, his heart hurt when he saw the tears build up in your eyes due to the words he had spewed, yet he couldn’t think in the moment so he said nothing else. He regrets saying nothing, it probably made him look worse but he cant do anything to change that now, the past is the past. Jisung spent the first 10 minutes alone in the living room thinking about how to apologize, he felt tears brim up in his eyes, he felt terrible. He didn’t mean it he just couldn’t come up with any song ideas for their new album coming out soon. Jisung knew it wasnt an excuse, he also knows a simple ‘i’m so sorry’ or ‘i’m sorry’ won’t fix anything. He already has hurt your feelings twice this week due to stress, his sorry wont mean anything to you and he knew it. So he decided to do more this time, make a midnight snack for the two of you to enjoy together to finally spend time together after him staying in the studio for who knows how long. It was the least he could do.

Chicken Nuggets, is the first thing that came to mind when he thought of foods and snacks you liked. And so that’s what he made. Han saw some dino nuggets in the freezer so he defrosted them and put them into the toaster oven to heat up, he then went ahead and attempted to make star nuggets for you. He wasn’t very good at cooking like the other members but Jisung tried. He collected all the ingredients whisking, stirring and pouring ingredients. Finally he looked at the clock, 1:47AM he read. Are you even still awake? he wondered, his question was answered when he heard the bedroom door unlock revealing a tired, teary eyed, you.

“Baby! I made some dino and star nuggets for you as an apology because I assumed an ‘im sorry’ wouldn’t be enough for the damage I caused and the hurt I caused you..” He looked down feeling ashamed.

“Hmmh” You hummed in response, walking towards the dining table sitting yourself down.

“I am really sorry, I didn’t mean any of those horrible words I said to you. I said them in the heat of the moment and it wasn’t right of me. I’ve just had no ideas for songs and it’s been stressing me out since the deadline of those are in 2 weeks, yes I know it’s no excuse for what I said. I lashed out again, and I promise i’ll change for the better, for you. I’m really sorry baby!” Jisung apologized tears filling up his boba eyes yet again, his tone of voice and eyes practically begging for him to be forgiven. He was guilty and you could tell, his body language said it all.

“Hannie, it’s okay and I understand I was prying you a lot and probably disturbing you, but you know I care for you and whenever you feel stressed take a breather and talk to me about it next time instead of building it up and lashing out on me?” You give a small smile showing you do forgive him.

“Yes, I promise to talk to you and take breaks next time! I just can’t guarantee this won’t happen again in the future, but I will do everything I can to prevent it!” He had tears rolling down his face but he held a proud smile. In that moment he heard a ‘ding!’ meaning the dino and star nuggets were done! Jisung took them out and put them on a plate for you and him to share.

“Ji! don’t forget about the ketchup meteorite!” You giggle watching Jisung pull open the fridge looking for the ketchup bottle.

“Ji to your right on the door of the fridge.” You smile at his confused state frantically trying to find the ketchup. He let out a small ‘ohh’ and opened the lid forcing some ketchup out of the bottle.

“ahh” You said waiting for him to feed you a chicken nugget.

“Okay wait” Jisung quickly went to wash his hands speeding back and dipping a Star nugget into the ketchup feeding it to you.

“This is the one I made, how is it babe?” He questioned trying to tell by your expression.

Your eyes light up, “Woah, this is actually amazing” Your voice was muffled due to the fact you’re still chewing.

“Thank you Ji-baby!” You have a bright smile and a peck on the cheek as a reward.

“The least I could baby~” He gave you a sly smirk, giving you a kiss on the nose.

“try one!” You hold up a star nugget up to his lips waiting for him to take a bite.

“Mmm, you’re right it is good..” Jisung looked at you with his cheeks stuffed with chicken nuggets.

“You’re a cutie you know that!” You poke his cheek earning a pout from poor Jisung. You shoved two dino nuggets into your mouth mimicking Han.

“AWWW, you’re cuter babe!” He squealed with his loud persona, as your face flushed a light pink.

“Baby…I love you. You know that right?” Han expressed, in a calmer matter.

“Yes Hannie, and you know, I love you too” You two shared a kiss full of love and passion. That’s how your night went on, laughs and giggles were to be heard as you and Jisung were having the time of your lives in the dining room at now 2:57AM not yet asleep.

-FIN-

a/n: i’m actually really proud of this one! Lmk if you guys want more things like this!

[ejzah]

Suggested by @mashmaiden to continue the Houseguest Drabble Series. It’s quite long.

***

Deeks: This is getting ridiculous.

Kensi, in a soothing tone: I know, baby, but it won’t be that much longer.

Deeks, not soothed at all: Really? Cause it already feels like it’s been forever. Look, you know I love Anna and Callen, and at any other time, I’d probably love to have them here, but I we have no room, it’s been two days, and the twins are starting to babble in Russian.

Kensi, putting a hand on his arm: Sweetie, calm down. I don’t think babies can learn another language in 48 hours.

Deeks: Callen is very determined. *he takes a deep breath and rub s his hands over his face* I’m sorry. I’m just tired and need some caffeine. Donut and Croissant were feeling extra social last night.

Kensi, grimacing: I know. I heard you get up a lot. Let’s go see if there’s any coffee left.

They find Callen, Anna, and Rosa in the kitchen.

Anna: Good morning. Thank you again for letting us stay another night.

Kensi: You’re welcome. I hope the twins didn’t wake you up too much.

Anna: I brought ear plugs.

Callen, pouring them each a coffee: And you know I don’t sleep much.

Deeks, nodding: So…any updates.

Callen: Arkady’s not answering my texts.

Deeks, in exasperation: Alright, that’s it.

Kensi: What are you doing?

Deeks, halfway out of the kitchen: Taking care of this once and for all. *then on reconsideration, he grabs a bottle of alcohol on the way out*

***

Deeks: Arkady! Open the door.

The door pops open a crack and a sliver of Arkady’s face appears.

Arkady: Deeks, what are you doing here?

Deeks, shouldering his way in: Here, I brought you a housewarming gift.

Arkady, quirking an eyebrow at the wine: This is not my house.

Deeks: Exactly. Where are Yuliana and my mom?

Arkady: They are in back. I believe they mentioned something about lunch. Though I have not been considered in a plans.

Deeks, heading for the back door: Wonderful.

He finds Roberta and Yuliana happily chatting and relaxing on lawn chairs.

Yuliana, instantly wary when she sees him: Berta, who is this?

Roberta, sitting forward: It’s my my son, Martin. Marty, what’s going on? Is something wrong?

Deeks, holding up a hand: No, mama. Nothing’s wrong. Well, assuming you consider seven people sharing one bathroom not wrong. Did you notice the homeowners of this home are missing in action?

Roberta, shrugging: Hey, I didn’t make them leave.

Deeks: No, you just made them extremely uncomfortable with your fighting and death threats via sewing needle.

Arkady, from behind Deeks: Yes, they fight like—like shrews. Or yapping dogs, nipping at the defenseless.

Yuliana, stands up and instantly begins berating him in Russian.

Arkady, to Deeks after retorting in Russian: See, this is reason we did not marry.

Roberta, hand on her hip: Excuse me, what did you call me?

Deeks, whistling sharply: Alright, that is enough! In two sentences or less, explain your top grievance with this man. *he gestures to Arkady and then Yuliana* You go first.

Yuliana, haughtily: Arkady told me he had been tasked with a very important job for US government two weeks before our wedding. I never saw him again. And he took my engagement ring with him.

Deeks: Not a good look, man.

Yuliana, warming up now: He also lies! All the times with the lies and the stories. He told me—

Deeks, interrupting: On any other day, I would love to pull up a chair and listen, but right now I’m on a tight schedule. So, if you wouldn’t mind. Mom?

Robert: Well, I suppose it’s not that bad, but last week he never showed up for our weekly dinner at my house. *she glares at Arkady and he cowers a little* I’m also not a big fan of some of the things I heard about you from your ex. I’ve dated jerks before, Ari.

Deeks, nodding: Ok, so now we have the grievances. What type of reparations do you think are necessary for you both to get over this Russian scoundrel and vacate the premises?

Yuliana glances at Roberta and they shrug a couple of times before nodding.

Yuliana: A sincere apology would suffice. Otherwise, I will never leave.

Arkady: Apologize? For what? I have done nothing! Ok, perhaps I tell a few lies. But these are nothing.

Deeks, leaning close to him: Arkady, you either apologize to these ladies with the best of your con-man abilities or I will have you arrested for trespassing on private property.

Arkady: You are not agent anymore.

Deeks: You forget I’m friends with your son-in-law, Sam Hanna, and several other law enforcement agents who would happily put you behind bars.

Arkady: You would not dare. *Deeks raises an eyebrow and Arkady puts on a contrite expression* Yuliana, my former love, I am deeply sorry for abandoning you on our wedding day. I don’t deserve your love. Roberta, my dear, my feisty woman—

Deeks: Speed it up.

Arkady: Roberta, I promise to never treat you so poorly again. Will you forgive me?

Roberta: What do you think, Yuliana? Should we forgive this pathetic man?

Yuliana: It was satisfying to see him grovel. Why not? Roberta, do you have plans?

Deeks, as they wander off, making plans to go shopping: Oh, thank god. Maybe I can finally get some sleep.

Arkady: But first you just drive me home since I ride here with your mother.

Deeks, talking to himself: A jury would accept a plea of insanity.

[sillymoonboi]

⚠️WARNING:VENT⚠️

⚠️:Whipping, insulting, and hurting

I don’t normally post things like this regarding my life or household but i needed to cry on somebody’s shoulder or talk to someone about this, and my parents aren’t really a good choice for me… let me explain, So i was in my room scrolling through the discord chats and i got called by my mom to come try a new dish she made, i politely saying im sorry but im full , and then i got called by my dad this time and i said fuck it and went to see what they wanted , my dad was pressuring me to at least try but i again declined saying i already eaten or im already full and I can’t eat no more, My dad kept and kept pressing my limits saying to just try it or he’ll get mad, and i said my answer is “NO” he didn’t really take a liking to that word, and i feel very scared to say what he did next…. Even i was scared…. So he grabbed a towel near by him and i think you guys know what happened next…twice… and i was crying in pain and i finally took a small bite out of the food, i felt sick… even my mom was there to witness it… and instead of defending me….she blamed me and my dad saying we were crazy and embarrassing herself because the neighbors could hear us… she was more focused on her getting embarrassed than me getting hit… my dad let me go to the bathroom so i can calm down and i was sitting down on the toilet when my mom came in also crying she said “why you crying? This is your fault” and I couldn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth .. after i came back i wanted to go to sleep but my dad said No your staying here with me until you calm down and he made he sat with for like idk how long, he kept saying i was spoiled like my cousin who thinks they can do anything they want, and i asked him so you think hitting your child is normal ? He knew it wasn’t but he said it was the only way i can teach my lesson, my mom took my phone away, and i kept telling him to let me go back into my room, and he kept denying, he saw my mom cry and said look what you did to your mother, idk if they were guilt tripping me into thinking this was my fault over a fucking dish… he kept trying to hug me afterwards while i was with my mom talking to my brother on the phone, i told him what happened and what he did, and my brother said you know how dad is, your a good kid , saying that maybe if i just tasted it and just said its bad it wouldn’t have happened…., and he also kept blaming my behavior on my phone, like what the fuck the phone have to do with any of this???? Anyways he kept trying to hug me and i kept looking away feeling uncomfortable until i finally snapped i said i was going to my room and he kept mocking me on the way , i went to my room and putting a chair to block the door, i went through the covers and started sobbing… i’ve been crying all night and haven’t managed to get any sleep, i kept getting headaches everytime i cried, and cried….. i wanted this to end, i kept wishing it to be a dream but it wasn’t…. I managed to get my phone back today and i decided to talk about this…. This really effected me and made me realize what kind of people my parents are…it effected on how i seem them.. how i see myself…. I can’t believe all of this over some fucking peppers….. I can’t even look at my male ocs the same again.

I’ve decided im gonna take a break so i can heal … so there won’t be a lot of updates here …. I appreciate a lot of you and your support throughout this blog…..but im tired and i need a mental health break….❤️

[a-crumb-of-whump]

A New Beginning Drabble: Stress Positions

Masterlist

Content: Used as furniture, stress positions, collars, captivity, creepy/intimate whumper, [mild] dub-con kissing, pet whump, vampire whump, begging, stockholm syndrome.

Go talk to Carlos @carlosemrick :)

-

Malcolm knew Carlos was sneaking into his bedroom at night to sleep on the floor by him. Over the past couple days the vampire had been sleeping closer and closer to his master’s door, and eventually found the courage to creep inside a few hours after he’d fallen asleep. Malcolm saw it all happening through the security cameras he had set up around the place, and eventually decided to humour his pet on the subject. 

“Do you get lonely at night?” he asked curiously one evening. The vampire glanced up at him from his spot beneath the human’s feet, arms barely able to support himself after several hours of serving as Malcolm’s footrest. He looked so innocently confused, so scared of saying the wrong thing, lest he be put in time out or given some other form of punishment. 

Malcolm offered a smile and reached out to run his larger fingers through his pet’s hair. “Tell me the truth, pet.” 

“...Yes, sir,” he whispered after a short pause. Malcolm could have sworn he saw the exact moment Carlos realised his owner knew of his little secret. The way his eyes blew comically wide before forcibly relaxing again, and the tense inhale as he prepared himself for whatever his owner had planned for him next. It was adorable. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for leaving my bed at night. Please don’t be mad.” 

“I’m not mad at you for that. I’m disappointed in you for not telling me sooner and just doing it. Since when does my pet think it can make decisions without bringing it up with me first?”

“I don’t,” Carlos rushed to assure him, tears already beginning to prick in his eyes as his chin trembled. “I’m so sorry. It will never happen again. I just- I ju-ust…” 

Before he could finish, Malcolm hushed him with a finger to his lips and tutted a few times, watching as the vampire’s face reddened slightly. “I would have been more than happy to make some arrangements for you to make you more comfortable,” he informed, removing his feet from Carlos’ back for a moment to get closer to him. As soon as he was in arms reach, Malcolm grabbed a fistful of his hair and brought him a little closer. He just about melted at the sight of his vampire’s deflated look.

“...I still am, but they might not be as comfortable as the previous arrangements. Do you still want it?” 

Carlos’ answer was immediate. “Yes, sir.” 

“Then go sit in your bed and I’ll call you when I’m ready for you to see what I’ve come up with.”

With a light slap to his behind, Malcolm let him go and watched the vampire pathetically stumble back to his bed, the silver bell on his collar jingling the entire way. He looked so sweet, the human nearly considered just moving the pet’s stuff into his room and calling off the punishment.

…but where was the fun in that? 

Really, it took very little time to set up either. Less than ten minutes later Malcolm was able to stand back to admire his set up. It was nothing but a single metal bar that hung from the ceiling by some rope - a simple but effective stress position for his obedient little pet to use for the night. It’d been installed a few years ago, and Malcolm liked it because he could detach and reattach it at any given time. 

Perfect for occasions like now.

As soon as the human called for his pet, The jingling of the bell started again and not long after, Carlos appeared at his doorway. He was clearly doing his best to sit up straight and proper, but Malcolm knew he was also extremely tired. He wasn’t going to hold that against him. 

With a warm smile, he motioned for the vampire to stand up and come inside, to which Carlos hesitated for a moment before obeying, as if he perhaps understood his master’s silent commands wrong. However, his face lit up as soon as he received a verbal praise in response. 

“What- what is happening, sir?” he asked quietly, lips parting in surprise when the human grabbed both his arms and positioned them behind his back. He could see how much Carlos wanted to cry. How much he wanted to burst into tears and blubber apologies until he was forgiven, but he didn’t and Malcolm was most impressed. 

With a small chuckle, he pulled Carlos’ arms over the bar positioned behind him and attached him to it by the elbows. “You’ve been so patient, my pet,” he cooed, running his fingers through the vampire’s hair as he double checked to make sure everything was attached correctly. “This is going to be where you stay for the night. That way you’re in my room but you still get your punishment. Sound good?” 

He nearly laughed at the relief that clouded Carlos’ eyes despite his predicament. “Yes, sir!” he chirped, shuffling uncomfortably on the tips of his feet. The bar was just high enough that he had to strain to stand comfortably. “Thank you so much for your mercy. I prom-mise I’ll behave better from now on.” 

“I know you will, pet. You always do. If you’re extra quiet and behaved, I might even let you into my bed tomorrow night. Does that sound good?” 

There was another enthusiastic nod. “Yes, sir! So you still n-need me, then?” the vampire asked hopefully. His eyes were big and pleading, his chin trembling ever so slightly as he continued to struggle to hold in his tears. He was so fucking pathetic, Malcolm nearly couldn’t bring himself to leave him there. 

But he did, of course. Instead of untying him, he leaned forward and cupped Carlos’ face in his hands; kissing the tip of his nose and then both his cheeks. When he pulled back again, all he could see was devotion in the vampire’s eyes. True, unbridled devotion to him and him alone. He really had chosen the perfect house pet.

“A little mistake isn’t enough to stop me from needing you. You’re a good boy,” he praised, planting one final kiss to the vampire’s lips. “Sleep tight, my pet. I’ll be in once my movie is done, yeah?”

“Yes, sir!” 

As he left, he heard the quiet grunts and whines of his pet struggling to find a comfortable position, but when he poked his head in one last time, Carlos gave him the biggest smile he could possibly muster. He looked adorable, and Malcolm didn’t hesitate to return it before quietly shutting the door completely. 

-

Taglist: @alexkolax @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @some-thrilling-heroics @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @whump-things @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @choppedflowermuffinchild @whumpdreamz

[ktownshizzle]

Can you tell me your writing process ? Do you outline ? Braindump? Write on your notes app? Just curious. Also your fav authors and comfort books. I always start something but never finish. So many unedited drafts of ideas but very little fruition.

Hi lovely anon! Sorry it took me a while to respond to this.

First of all, I hope you get the chance to write and find the inspiration to share your ideas to the world. I for sure would want to read them!

My writing process under the cut, in case anyone else is interested.

On writing

While I’ve been trained to write fast from news and sports writing in my previous jobs, when it comes to fic writing, I am not methodical at all, I fear.

Tldr; when I’m inspired, I write; when I’m tired, I stop.

I rarely force myself to write unless I am at the final editing stage and just want to finish it already. But generally I need to be in the correct head space to write. This might go against some of the usual advice, but since this is not my full-time job, it's important that I dictate my own pace and keep it fun, otherwise, I might stop.

So the way this goes is whenever I get inspired with something… I write. Honestly you guys sending me Yoongi photos or like wanting to talk about random Yoongi moments or theories have given me heapssss of inspiration! You have no idea! So keep sending those asks! 🤗

Basically once I have the big idea for the story, I try to do a general outline: bullet points of the characters, key moments, specific dialogue I want, etc. Then when I get inspired again, it’s a literal brain dump, typos and all, using Google Docs. I used to only be able to write using my laptop, but now I trained my brain to write using my phone, too, and this has increased my output because now I can write anywhere especially when I'm feeling insane.

Then I edit and expand the scenes. Finally, I work on the key moments that need to pack a punch which is the lead, the main conflict or the main tension point (first kisses are my fave!) and the ending. If there’s a smut scene, I write it last.

On managing your WIPS / drafts

Honestly, my WIP list is insane. I try not to let it bother me so much. but sometimes it pokes me like I'm a bear.

I do have a couple on ongoing/multi-chapter stuff so I pick up on what MC I feel like being at the moment then go from there. Or which MC y'all are really vibing with based on interactions and see if we can push the story further along from there.

Since you mentioned you have lots of unedited drafts, I suggest pick the best one you like and really envision that story and how you want it to go. You can even do a moodboard like what I add in my stories because it really helps set the tone and the vibe for me.

Oh, I wanna add that watching the boys on background like an MV or Run or whatever content also helps me. Instant serotonin boost.

-

I am sorry if this so long. I hope this answered your q. I am not sure if my methods will be of help to you, but I pray that inspiration strikes for you soonest! My DMs are open if you wanna brainstorm! :)

[cloud-somersault]

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re alright. 💕 I’ve been reading your status updates on Constellations and the Epilogue, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re amazing. Your writing is incredible and I love it. Your stories are so well thought out and the characters are ✨on point✨, and the plot is complex and detailed and aaahhh! It has me hooked! 🤩

And I understand how it hurts when you put so much effort and love into a story, only to post it and not see others be anywhere near as excited or invested as you are. I know how discouraging it can be. And it may be a little silly, but I do want to apologize for not commenting lately—life took some difficult turns for me healthwise around the end of last year and I haven’t been able to catch up! I’m still on Chapter 4 of Constellations! 😭 BUT Chapter 5 is open on my phone, and I am READY to read it as soon as I have the time (and mental energy, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue 😩). Don’t worry that your writing isn’t enough, or be discouraged if some readers don’t catch hints while others are figuring it all out seemingly too easily. Everybody reads and comprehends stuff differently, and it’s not a sign that your writing is bad if they don’t catch it! Honestly, I’m pretty bad at catching hints the first time I read a story unless they’re pretty darn obvious. I don’t usually notice subtle hints until the second, or third, or even seventh read-through, haha! (on the bright side, rereading stories and rewatching TV shows is always fun!) 😅

I guess what I really wanted to say is… don’t give up hope. Don’t lose your love and enthusiasm for your works, or feel like they aren’t worth writing because others don’t seem interested in them. At the heart of it all… at the end of the day… write because you love to. Because it makes you happy. And know that it doesn’t have to be “perfect”—the main goal should be that you enjoy it. That’s something I’m trying to teach myself, too. 💕

Thank you for taking the time to write this message and send it. I appreciate you're very kind words 💕I'm doing okay, I just had to take a step back for a bit from socials and stuff. I'm gonna keep that up for a while.

Please don't apologize for not commenting or taking your time reading. Your health always comes first, and I'm sorry if I came off as childish or needy, that wasn't my intention. Two things just happened that set me off and the timing of it was incredibly poor 😓

Please take your time reading; none of it is going anywhere, and don't feel obligated to leave comments either. i'm realizing that, even if chapters are short or long, finding the time to finish things is difficult, and everyone lives different lives. And I'm sorry about all the spoilers on this blog, I'll tag that better from now on.

But I really do think I got confused or disjointed in my perceptions; everyone here knows so much because i've been asked questions and given answers and people have interacted, so people following me here have more context than the average ao3 user. But I've kinda been expecting everyone to be on the same page, which will never be true.

I'm also the same way where it takes me a while to pick up on hints. I actually changed my writing style to prevent this. I got tired of reading books in college where you had to dive into every little thing. the hints and clues weren't obvious to me. I decided then that, when I wrote, I wanted things to be bold, obvious, but beautiful. I didn't want to make readers feel like they're missing something. I wanted them to trust that every answer, every clue would be answered in time. I made that promise to myself a decade ago, and being reminded of how different people interpret things just...made me remember.

I take writing really seriously, probably too seriously, but I've been doing it for so long and I love doing it. I want to be good at it. When it feels like I've gone back on that promise to myself, I get frustrated. I think of ways I could've fixed things. But I also remember that those books and those writing styles just weren't for me. I wasn't the target audience.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I wanted to explain why I got upset. I still love Constellations and I'm posting it on ao3 out of convenience, really. It's easier to reference and search there in one "Entire Work" than to have 5 documents open. The fact that others can see and read and have fun is a bonus. But I'm committed to telling this story, and I'm gonna finish with a bang.

Thank you, I won't forget why I'm doing this and that my thoughts/feelings come first! 😤I hope your health concerns are taken care of soon. Take it easy, and thanks again! 💕

[tmae3114]

3 and 4 for any fic! Tell me about your favourite stuff you've ever written!

Ask Game

!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a day later than I intended to answer, partially because I ended up being Busy And Tired after work yesterday, partially because I fully did take this as an excuse to go reread all my favourite things that I've written

3: What’s your favourite line of narration?

I thought about this one for a while because I've produced some turns of phrase of which I am very proud over the years. This is very much a case of 'it changes by the day' but I do, for now, have a solid answer!

It's this bit of Painted By An Accidental Brush

Paultin snorts and shoves him in the shoulder, which knocks him into Evelyn, who promptly collides with Strix, and Paultin apparently expected more resistance because he overbalances and all four of them topple to the ground in a mess of squawking, shrieking, and tangled limbs. Diath is pretty sure he hears at least one plate break. Lying on the floor in a pile of his friends, he laughs.

I've been incredibly fond of this bit ever since I wrote it, for a number of reasons. One is that I feel like it properly captures the elements of the party dynamic that I loved in the original show really well, along with the personalities of the characters. Another is that I think it delivers on the atmosphere and emotion I was going for perfectly. And a third, which is the primary reason it's taking the 'favourite' spot at the moment, is that I actually struggle quite a bit with group scenes in my writing. They challenge me! Put more than three characters in a room together, all interacting with each other, and I start losing track of people and worrying all the time about the Potential Implications of who's talking most and who fades into the background and so on. About half the reason that I put chatfic segments in We Are Full Of Stories To Be Told is because portraying the dynamics of Tomix's friend group via groupchat gave me an excuse to avoid writing them physically in the same room (the other half of my reasoning was that I liked the idea of incorporating group chats as part of the worldbuilding & such of the fic, given it's set in the in-universe future XD) And this bit of narration is the end of a four character group scene that I'm still proud of and think I balanced well and, in a way, a miniature four character scene to itself. That more than earns it favourite status.

4: What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

Okay, so, I knew the answer to this immediately, but alas, my favourite bit of dialogue I've ever written for a fic is as-yet-unpublished and also for a scene that I absolutely refuse to spoil, so I cannot share it

I can, however, pick a runner-up. Which, on this occasion, is this part of the Hero & Tomix reunion in I'll Be Alive Next Year

“Tomix?” they ask, something impossibly fragile in the simple question. “I didn’t go,” he says, their last words to him ringing in his ears “I’m sorry it took me so long to make it back. I’ve missed you, my friend.”

I've written a whole bunch of fix-it fic reunions for these two and I have even more in the works but I don't think I'll ever quite top the sheer satisfaction that was having the first words Tomix says to the Hero after convincing them that he's real be a direct response to their last words to him before he died ("Don't go..."), with a bonus quoting his last words in the past tense because he lived ("I'll miss you" when he thought he was dying -> "I missed you" when he knows he'll get to live)

[ellesthots]

hi! i’ve been binge reading fateful beginnings for a couple of days and i absolutely ADORE it! i was planning to sent this ask when i was caught up with it (on chapter 32 currently!) but i decided to send this now. it’s basically songs that are very bruce/reader coded that i thought you might like :D

peace by taylor swift: this is one can apply both to bruce and reader, mostly towards bruce though with the lyrics “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “as long as danger is near, and it’s just around the corner darling, cause it lives in me.”

everybody adores you (at least i do): reader when she recognizes her feelings for bruce would soo listen to this song. i mean, listen to the lyrics 😭💗 “everybody has you up on their wall sometimes, everybody thinks of you when they sleep at night” and the fact the song mentions a father dying, it’s so them.

fuck it i love you by lana del rey: BRO i swear bruce would say this when he confesses his love to reader (manifesting 🤞) nsfw but this lyric always makes me giggle “and if i wasn’t so fucked up, i think i’d fuck you all the time” LIKE OMGGGG SO SO BRUCE.

fade into you by mazzy star: this is such a warm, hazy, beautiful song. “i look at you and i see nothing, i look at you to see the truth.” the contrast is making me scream like….at the point where i’m at in fateful beginnings reader is so in denial imo and she’s totally the first part while bruce is the second one. spoilers but it reminds me of bruce asking reader about the owls and when she lied to him about being the witness he literally took her answer as the truth 😭😭😭😭💗💗💗 ahh i love them

sorry this is SO long but i hope you enjoy these songs <3

this is so sweeet thank you!! 🥹 this is a dream to receive !! ahhh chapter 32!! some of my favorites are coming up for you, love to know what you think when you finish!! :)

all of these songs are soooo lovely and FITTING!! i gasped when you had ‘peace’ as the first—I’ve thought of them to that song soooo many times before!! it is so painfully, beautifully Bruce (and reader, but i feel it hits x100 with Bruce with those lines especially!!). i could dig into an analysis with this song literally for 10k words so I’ll go easy 😂 there’s so much tug-of-war with the lyrics thinking of it as almost a conversation between reader and Bruce. applying to both in different ways, like a plea, even an argument, or a vow, AHH SO GOOD! bruce thinking his life is fundamentally incompatible with others… mmhmmm

i’d never heard ‘everybody adores you (at least i do), but it’s so pretty!! you’re sooo right, it’s so reader! the lines you emphasized, yesss. as Bruce is more in the public eye, his reputation, his wealth, how well-known he is. i also think of the line ‘don’t modify, everyone adores you’ because Bruce would totally try to downplay his impact 💀 could fully imagine reader listening to it while staring out the window of an Uber or walking to City Hall lol

‘fuck it i love you’ SOOO Bruce, the lyrics ‘so i moved to California but it’s just a state of mind, turns out everywhere you go you take yourself, that’s not a lie’ is soooo reader to me too! feeling so lonely in Gotham and thinking it was this place that could be rejuvenating, and it ends up being so hollow. and Bruce feeling the weight of his reputation with the ‘and you know everyone adores you, you can feel it and you’re tired’ oooh this song !! and the nsfw part djfhfjsjdhcjdkdn you’re so real, that’s so real, they are soo down bad for each other (im excited for you to get to most recent chapter omfgggg). I’M SO READY FOR THE LOVE CONFESSIONNN !! chomping at the bit !! gnawing at my enclosure !!!

‘fade into you’ is another song I’d never heard before, but somehow it sounds sooo familiar?? and it’s soo beautiful, warm, and hazy, exactly!! just want to shut my eyes and sway along to it 🥹 awww now I’m imagining the cutest lil scene with reader and Bruce to it, eeeeek!!! adorable. and you are so correct, reader is soo in denial. i also love the reading as her looking at him and seeing nothing meaning that she just sees him as Bruce, not as this figure/celeb/his family 😭 and the fact he believed herrrr, ooooh the reveal is gonna be BRUTAL 😫

i loveee that you love them!! i’m obsessed with them and obsessed with the songs you sent!! still in so much awe that y’all are listening to songs and it’s reminding you of this fic, and all the effort of telling me about it, putting lyrics to it, ohhhh it makes my heart swell!! zero need to apologize, this is a GIFT 🎁 thank you for introducing me to some new songs <3

[softxsuki]

Hello, I’m.. new to this. But reading your works have comforted me … I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope all is going well for you!! If you,,have the chance,, I’ve kind of.. not been doing well. At all. Haha,, I’ve been extremely suicidal.. for at least the past year. Everything has since fell apart. I’m not sure if this counts, but..it feels urgent, to me..?

My grandmother died, I lost my job due to my health declining so rapidly I physically could not manage. I’ve since applied to so many jobs.. absolutely no luck and.. I even lost my home. Im living with someone else’s parents, and I’m a child scared to leave their room all over again. I can’t eat unless food is in front of me, none of my friends are… good, at comforting, to say the least… I have well over 1K due for medical bills, and no one will even take me for an interview, so I can’t even pay off little by little. Lol..I pretty much moved out at 17 and have been surviving by myself for 6 years now.

Im so tired of surviving.

If.. if you don’t mind.. honestly I don’t even know what kind of scenario this would count as…. Baji has been my biggest comfort character as of late, and I.. well, would you mind,, possibly writing a scenario.. of reader who’s spiraled so far into these thoughts, and in the midst of a panic attack, attempts to.. stop surviving, if you catch my drift..

I know this is very personal, and I’m sorry to dump on you.. if you’re unable, all is well! Thank u for taking time to read my pity story haha.. <3

Baji Helps Suicidal Reader

****Please proceed with caution if mentions of suicide will be more harmful to you than beneficial.*****

Pairing: Baji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hopelessness, suicide attempt, crying, not being able to find a job, losing your home

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In which Baji shows up as soon as you attempt to take your own life.

[A/N: Hi darling, I'm so glad you found my blog and for feeling comfortable enough to bring your urgent request to me! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Though I've felt similarly about the the whole job thing. Places these days won't even give people a chance to show what they could do. I graduated from College and couldn't find work immediately. I'm still struggling to find a job in my field even now. I have a job at a bookstore atm, but it took a long time for me to get it. I think when they timing is right though, things will work out for us. We really just need to wait for things to happen and keep working for them! But you're also going through a lot of other situations as well, so my words probably aren't that helpful, so I'll leave that to Baji. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to though. I've been through moments of hopelessness and feeling like leaving this world was my only option, but I'm proof that things will change. There will always be times when we fall, but we can always get back up again! Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read. I hope it provides you with even just a tiny bit of comfort <3 i love you, hopefully we can talk again soon, you sound very sweet!

Side note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted something platonic or if you wanted to be Baji’s s/o so I left that kinda ambiguous. You could read it either way!

Baji impatiently taps his foot, sitting on his bike outside your place. Where were you?

You had texted him earlier asking him to pick you up since the people you were living with weren’t home and you just needed to get out for a while. He came rushing over as soon as he had a chance and texted you upon arriving, but you weren’t answering his texts–you weren’t even reading them. 

He knew all about your situation in life and had tried his best to be by your side and show you the support that you deserved to have. He wasn’t perfect though, at times it was hard for Baji to truly put himself in your shoes and understand what you were going through.

Now though, he was worried. Why had you texted so desperately that you needed to get out of the house? Why weren’t you answering his texts now?

He turns his engine off and hops off the bike, walking briskly to your front door.

“Y/N! I’m here,” He bangs on the door, hoping you were just distracted and forgot to check your phone to see his texts.

But he’s met with silence. 

“Y/N!” He tries again, panic settling in the pit of his stomach and he bangs harder on the door–something wasn’t right.

He brings his ear to the door hoping to hear any sign of life and that’s when he hears it, the running of water and sobs from the other side. Gathering whatever adrenaline had been building up in him, he rams into the door, which luckily flies open from the impact. The sound of your sobs grows louder the closer he gets to you. You were in the bathroom.

The door is only a crack open, but he races toward the noise, slamming the door fully open and takes in your state; puffy eyes as tears run from them not that he could distinguish your tears from the hot water that was pouring on you from the shower-head. You were sitting in the tub, soaking wet with a bottle of pills in your hands.

Your breathing was erratic as you struggled to open the bottle, but Baji is quick to act. He’s in the shower with you in a second, the burning water scalding his body even through his jacket, but he doesn’t care since it’s now not hitting you anymore. He snatches the pills from your hands, throwing them out the bathroom door and into the hallway where you can’t see them. In your state of panic, you start to flail around, seeing that bottle as your only escape from the mental pain you were experiencing. He finally turns the water off and hoists you up, your attempts to push him away and hit him futile. His adrenaline is still high as he lifts you from the tub with ease and onto the bathroom floor where he plops down next to you, out of breath.

You can’t seem to calm your breathing down as you clutch your chest, searching all around you with wild eyes, looking for a way out. Anything to end your suffering–anything. But then you feel strong arms wrap around you in a hug. You beat down on his back, trying your best to shake him off you. Let go of me, you think to yourself. Maybe you meant it in a different way, Let me go. Let me be free from this pain. But deep down, you wanted him to continue to hold you in place.

“Y/N please-” His voice cracks, making you go still in his arms. What were you doing?

“Please, I’m here. You’re not alone, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, “So don’t leave me.”

The man who had nerves of steel was breaking right in front of you.

He held you tight, as if he was scared you’d just vanish between his fingers. 

What feels like hours passes by with you both still soaking wet on the floor, clinging to each other, but you slowly manage to calm your breathing and sobs thanks to Baji’s help. 

He had been silent the whole time, focusing on just making sure you wouldn’t try anything else while he was around.

“I’m sorry…” you finally say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He finally loosens his grip on you, but continues to hold you close, caressing your still damp hair, “Why?”

That was a great question. One you couldn’t answer in only a few minutes. Baji knew the basics of what you’d been through, but he didn’t know the turmoil of what you were going through internally–only externally.

“I’m just…tired. Tired of surviving, tired of suffering. I’m barely scraping by. Is this what life’s supposed to be like? I look around at all the happy faces. Everyone seems to be living the ideal life and I’m just here, so why should I bother to exist if I don’t matter.”

He takes in your words, thinking them over, probably repeating them over and over in his head.

“You matter,” he decides to say, “You matter so much. Even if you only matter to one person, isn’t that enough to keep trying? One person can eventually grow into two, and three, and so on.”

“Baji…you don’t know what it’s like. I’ve already tried for so long. It’s been six long years. I’ve tried to see the good in my situation for six years, and yet I only keep getting pushed farther and farther past my limit. I can’t find a job, and because I can’t find a job, I can’t pay off my debt. I’m living in a house that isn’t mine with people who aren’t my family. I’m alone,” you cry out.

By now you had freed yourself from Baji’s arms, but he reaches over and grabs your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, scared that you’d run away from him.

“But if you leave now how do you know that tomorrow won’t be the day that things change?” He asks you, “Look, I know I can’t ever fully understand what goes on through your mind or what you’ve been through up till this point, but you can’t know what your life will be like a few months from now–hell, not even a few days from now. Everything can change in a second, you just need to be around to experience it.”

He brings your hands to his lips, peppering tiny kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you, a lot Y/N. Too much to just let you leave like this. Let’s try focusing on today. Each day has its own troubles, so why should we think about the future and worry ourselves even more for problems we haven’t reached yet? We’ll cross those valleys when we get to them. Right now, I just want you to focus on yourself, getting back on your feet and in a better state of mind,” he tries to console you.

His words definitely reached you. Truth be told, you knew things could maybe change, but it was hard to move forward with such uncertainty. Why couldn’t you know what would happen with your life five years from now? 

“But what if things don’t change. I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t want to suffer anymore,” you confess, hot tears running down your face.

Baji turns to face you, gently wiping your tears away.

“But what if they do? Don’t you want to stick around to find that out for yourself?” He asks.

You stop and think it over for a moment; a life where things finally turned around–you finally getting called in for an interview and getting a job, receiving an income and finally getting to pay your debts off. Having your own place where you felt comfortable and maybe starting a family of your own…yeah, that did sound nice. As impossible as that future sounded, it was something you craved.

“I guess I do,” you sigh, “Though I wish it could happen now.”

“I know. I wish it could happen now for you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much, but you’re not alone in this. I have your back. So let’s keep fighting okay? Together, let’s see it through till the end when things finally turn around for you.”

“Baji, you know I can’t just feel better overnight. I think I’ll be okay for today, but who’s to tell when I’ll spiral like this again.”

“Then I’ll be here to get you through it again.”

A wave of gratitude flew through you. You don’t know why Baji arrived on time when you were fully ready to leave this world a few minutes ago, but now you were thankful that he had stopped you. You didn’t want to hurt him or leave him alone, but you found a little ball of hope appearing in your heart. Though tiny, it was still present and you hoped it would continue to grow and become reality one day.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Then shall we go? You said you wanted out of here for the day, right?” He goes right back to treating you like he usually would–something you were grateful for. You didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you after witnessing you at your lowest moment.

“But we’re still wet,” you point-out, looking at his clothes that were still clinging to his body.

“The wind will dry us,” he heaves himself off the floor and holds a hand out to you, “Let’s go.”

You give him your hand as he helps you off the floor. What did you have to lose? At this point you didn’t care, you just needed to get your mind off everything.

Baji leads you out of the house, grabbing the bottle of pills on his way out and throwing them in his jacket pocket, making a mental note to discard them later. You walk past the open door with a lock that was now busted off the wall. You’d have to explain that to the people you lived with, but you’d face that problem when you got to it–just like Baji said. 

You hop on behind him on his motorbike as he passes you his helmet, making sure it’s securely on your head before he drives off. 

For just a moment, the wind seems to blow all the worries from your mind. With your arms wrapped tightly around Baji’s torso, you close your eyes and think of those better days he had spoken about.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see if they could really happen…

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/15/2023