#also sorry if i'm repeating stuff
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Just a warning because someone just gave me their UNSOLICITED advice.
Not all fanfic writers aspire to be authors or to be better at writing. Some of us just want to vomit our thoughts in text format and put our favorite characters in it. No big deal.
I, for example, am not a great writer. My writing has PLENTY of issues. But I also don't really care. I don't want to be an author, I'm happy writing silly fics with my silly writing. If you want to give feedback on my writing...don't.
I don't want to hear it. I am an academic and researcher, being criticized over my writing (most of the time very harshly) is part of my job. When I write fics, I just want to have fun!
If you are a creative writing professional and you want to give your opinion, make sure you do it with actual published authors, not fanfic writers (unless the writer asks for feedback and help). It's kinda...I don't know, rude?
#I'm sorry if I use dashes a lot#or I repeat stuff#But i also don't care#if you don't like my writing#don't read my fics#the empyrean
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seriously THANK YOU i can't express how flabbergasted i am...???!!!
#lepitalism#poll#i could also theoretically make plush but they'd be heavy and handmade so that would be more expensive i'm sorry to say. also harder to shi#sidenote this journey has led me to discover that i really really like packing stuff. crinkle crinkle fold fold serotonin repeat
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i wish I wasn't so pathetic and awkward 😒always ruins my night bro 😭
#egg.txt#Sorry I went to see a gig and I had soo much fun and Ive been happy bc um#I managed well despite the ISSUES and I went alone but then 😭#So lame... I was queuing for the merch table and I kept getting pushed out and bc of that#Someone then started slow talking to me that there's a queue you know 🙃#Like I know 😭 I was behind you...#But I couldn't even get anything out I just kind of repeated back at her GOSDDD BRO#Almost rhe exact same thing happened at the mechs.... I feel like such a loser all the time bro#This 8s why i have no friends and no one to go to this type of thing with embarrassinggg cringeeeee#And it's like also like bro it's NOTHING#IDK why I'm getting so worked up I think it's just the talking to me like I'm fucking stupid#But I can't even deny it when I can't even string a sentence together right can I!!!!!!!#Anyway sad wish I had someone to share stuff like tonight with whatever at least it was fun
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GOD THAT LAST STARTER WOKE UP MY TOSHIRO MUSE SO BAD...
i'm still desperate for like, interactions between my toshiro and other p5 characters who are kind of like. investigating him. trying to figure out wtf happened when he vanished. people don't know about the metaverse or do know but don't know his involvement... etc. i don't think i'm too likely to find any threads like that atm but also...
i'd love to see the P3 cast/shadow operatives investigating him too?? especially if they're suspicious of him or don't trust him for some reason. i'm not sure what that reason would be, i just feel like i'd really enjoy it! + the potential for both muses involved to be shocked at each other's involvement with shadows/personas when they figure it out... i love. >:)
#ooc#i know i already said i wanted this kind of stuff with zenkichi and i do but like. toshiro deserves it too.#i know i repeat myself a lot with the same ideas but i am easily pleased; i'm sorry!!#also toshiro would be so impressed and terrified of the shadow operatives. especially seeing how capable they are + learning about what the#did in p3 as teenagers haha#wishlist.
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so!! a little housekeeping is in order!!
i'm gonna be here kinda off and on bc i'm going to work on school stuff! and bc my inspiration's been decent, i might reblog a lil spicy meme over on @tvrningon and something fluffy here, though ofc you're free to send in any meme i've reblogged in the past <3 i also have an inbox call that i'll probably work on sometime later today!
and just to kinda share where my head's at, my muse for kny hasn't been very high lately, so i'm thinking of changing my muse list in a way that reflects that. i just!! haven't figured out how exactly. i might categorize the lists by fandom and then by primary, secondary, and tertiary/request. i just want to show that my focus is on chiyo/modern muses, fantasy, and even s.piderverse stuff atm but without shoving all my other muses off the list or into the request category. i can definitely still write everybody!! the muse just isn't there like it used to be.
this doesn't affect many people here, but i may also edit chiyo's bio to make her fandomless again; i just don't interact with hq!! muses very often anymore, and her story isn't one that necessarily needs to be connected to hq!! to work.
i apologize if any of this disappoints anybody btw! i know this blog used to be very kny-centered, and a lot of people followed me for that originally. but i need to do what's going to make being here fun for me, which means changing things. if you need to soft/hardblock me, there's no hard feelings, and i wish you the best <3
#like i said i can absolutely still write my kny muses but they're not at the forefront of my mind rn and changing the visuals of the blog#helped a lot with feeling like i was falsely advertising my kny muses#but i feel like i really need to change stuff more so reflect just how focused i am on other content#chiyo's muse is the loudest it's been for a while and that!! makes me so happy!! i love writing her and tbh would really like#to make her the main muse of this blog#i also want to focus on my lore and fantasy and i wanna see if i can't reinvigorate spiderverse stuff bc i'm still!! very into that uvu#and i just needed to get this off my chest bc i've had it on my mind for a while bc i haven't felt inspired by my kny muses for a bit#once again i'm sorry if y'all are disappointed!! and i'm not saying i won't write them or won't accept new interactions for them#i'm just not focusing on them for now#sorry if i repeated myself a bunch asdf i feel like i'm not saying what i mean clearly and i just feel a bit bad so i'm probably#talking more than i need to asdf#get ready to ramble | ooc
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the only real major difference between rgg and y7 arakawa's wardrobe is how he wears his coat + bling and the scarf but it's such a difference
#snap chats#like with jo it's pretty much an entirely difference guy not just design but personality wise (borrowing from the previous still tho obvi)#but masumi just tones it down in y7.......#'snap what got you thinkin a this. and why are you tapping yuor keyboard so fuckin aggressively?????'#FIRST OFF i'm COLD. fun fact after my dad decided to confront my mom bout cheating he had to sleep in the basement for months#before he moved of course. and now im really grasping how awful that must have been#LIKE BEING BOOTED TO THE BASEMENT FOR DOING NOTHING WRONG SUCKS ANYWAY BUT god im freezing#ironic... im down here cause i dont want to see my ma.... history repeats im just like my father etc etc ANYWAYS NOT THE POINT#SORRYYYYYYY MAIN POINT TIME. SORRY. MAIN POINT.#i wanted to draw arakawa with his rgg outfit more. like i already dick around with daigo's outfit when i draw him#it wouldnt even be dicking around if i did it for arakawa... just choosin to draw the previous outfit#at the very least i might steal the barcelets and his shirt because his rgg shirt is a different style#also it's more open. PEEPAW.#i totally forgot to mention on the last time i drew his outfit#but if you saw me using the same purple and pink i use for jo no you didnt. but you did look at it right now#every time i think of rgg arakawa's outfit though i just hear mirror b's theme from pokemon gales of darkness#this is a compliment because mirror b is ALSO incredibly swaggy oh my god i have to listen to his theme brb#my disappointment when i grew up and found out mirror b wasn't a girl though. because for some reason i thought he was a girl#and just ignored every instance of referring to him as a guy.#alright im done being insane i have to sketch a thing then im gonna uhhhhhhhhhhhh watch stuff the rest of the night :) BYE
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I guess I'll be doing it! Fairytale dresses 2.0 will be here this spring/summer💐🌸🌻
Feel free to send suggestions/requests of Stranger Things girlies and dresses✨️
Glee Fairytale Dresses 2021
I do have dresses picked out for the main ST girlies, most of them aren't set in stone until I start to draw them! I had trouble picking them so suggestions are very welcome🙏🏻 El, Max, Robin, Nancy and Erica take 5/9 dresses, and I forgot about most of the side characters so I don't think I have the right amount to do them all so please help??.
I thought about drawing Karen and Joyce, then Karen reminded me of Holly and that would be so cute but young children are hard to draw. I completely forgot about Chrissy, Vickie, Barb and Suzie, the only side character girlies I remebered were Heather and Angela💀. That's 9 characters that'd have to fight for 4 dresses so I don't know what I'm doing, who should be left out? Or do I just choose 5 more dressed to do all 14 girls?? Or is there more I'm forgetting about😭
#Fairytale Dresses 2.0#stranger things#Byler#<- target audience because y'all are my corner of ST tumblr. sorry to fill the tag with semi unrelated stuff��#ronance#bacause this is for the leasbians#I'm thinking of maybe posting few at a time this time instead of one at a time🤔#I was so tempted to choose so manym more dresses but most of them had flowers and I just can't do that. it's too time consuming#last time all of them had simple repeat patterns so it was hella fast to do most of them but this time idk 🤡#last time edit before posting: I picked out 5 more dressed INCASE I feel like drawing 10 to 14 characters🤡#but I won't post them before I have atleast one done✌🏻#also i debated on making this a mixed fandom project because I thought I didn't have enough girls for 9 dresses. turns out I hav way more#so sorry glee peeps who still follow#I almost made content for you
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Tagged by @excalibutt! Thank youuu, I love music tag games :D
Rules: shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag 10 people.
(I'm assuming it's Spotify's On Repeat)
Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs
I Lost a Friend by FINNEAS
Sahara by Hensonn
Flowers by Miley Cyrus
Worth It by Able Heart
You're Not Welcome by Naethan Apollo
Dancing After Death - Stripped by Matt Maeson
Coming Undone by Korn
You Make Me Sick! by Ashnikko
THE MASTER by Witchz
Tagging (but don't feel obligated):
@tacticaltaxonomist @exultedshores @rising-dawn-uvu @retired-crow @fooltofancy @flowers-all-around-me @merulanoir @arpiniko @avpraeda @einidre
#yo stuff#Phonk got my ass#also apparently most of my On Repeat currently is just my “CoD Adjacent” playlist hahaha#I'd tag you Sam but I can never remember your url I'm sorry ;-;#tag game#tag meme
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I haven't really been posting about the Build & Poi situation for my own sanity, but I do want to talk, quickly, about a couple of things.
I’m posting this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, because despite having said very, very little about this whole thing, I know that I've been marked as an "anti" and added to blocklists of people who are supposedly “hostile”; not just towards Build but also towards other people on this site who they disagree with; and I wanted to clear that up a bit. Secondly, because when Poi first spoke up I made a few posts talking about it, but I’ve been relatively quiet since. I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve ‘gone silent’ on the issue now.
I’m not a particularly big blog. I don’t have a huge number of followers. But the number of anons I’ve received about this situation and the things I’ve heard are being said about me are unprecedented and honestly really overwhelming, and so I just wanted to make sure I’d said what I wanted to say.
Firstly, regardless of my opinion on Build - I want to emphasise that I have never been hostile or aggressive towards anyone else in regards to this situation (or at all!). I haven't been involved in hate campaigns, in spreading misinformation, or in targeting or gossiping about or sending hate to "pro-Build" accounts or to Build himself.
When Poi first spoke up, I expressed disagreement with those whose initial reaction was to immediately jump to Build's defence and accuse her of lying. I posted that Poi deserved to be believed, regardless of anyone's individual dislike of her as a person. I also mentioned that I thought responses of "I told you so" from people who had always disliked Build were unhelpful.
I have never said anything about people who chose to refrain from making judgement, who wanted to wait for more information, or who didn't have anything to say at all.
Although I had my personal views, I also had nothing but sympathy and understanding for people who couldn't or didn't want to make judgments right away. I had been a big fan of Build's, but I had never been a 'stan', and I completely recognised how much more painful and emotional it must have been for those who were bigger fans than I was.
My only “disagreement” was with those responding to a woman accusing a man they liked of abuse by attacking her, and with those who responded almost gleefully to abuse allegations because they proved them right (though again, I didn't reference or argue with or mention any individuals in either case).
But I know that this has been enough to have me considered a "hostile Build anti". I know that there are many different blocklists circulating, and multiple different accounts and group chats and servers where people are talking about and being nasty about me and the other people on these lists.
I don’t want to get into this too much (lest I actually earn my label as hostile!), but it’s frankly terrifying that all it took for me to be branded as aggressive was posting that I believed Poi and that I disagreed with people attacking her. I was horrified that people would immediately jump to defend a man accused of abuse (not just saying they were waiting for more information, but defending him and immediately insisting the accusations must be lies), and the idea that this was considered some kind of radical stance for me to take is just… disgusting, honestly.
It really, really upset me. Even if rationally, I’m aware that of all the blocklists to be on, the "didn't immediately jump to the defence of a man accused of abuse" blocklists are probably some of the better ones - it’s really fucked with me to see so many people in this fandom, including people I cared about and considered friends, responding in this way.
It’s also very frustrating to know that a lot of the blogs publicly purporting themselves as “neutral” are very much not neutral, and are involved in spreading this “anyone who believed Poi is a radical, aggressive Build anti” narrative.
I’m not singling out any individual person or blocklist or anything here. I’ve heard about many. But since I know these lists and conversations exist, but not exactly what is being said and to whom, I did just want to clarify that.
Secondly, I’m seeing a lot of passive aggressive “the antis are being incredibly silent about this…” or “where are all the highly moral justice seeking kp fans now?!” posts, and so no one can accuse me of suddenly going silent about this, I also wanted to mention my actual current position on this situation.
I am still not supporting Build.
I want to be clear, though, that I am not "pro-Poi". I have never been a fan of hers, and so she has never been able to "lose" my support.
I don't know if she was also toxic, if she said or did XYZ, if this piece of this phone-call proves this or that. I don't know! Nobody outside the situation does!
But unless there is some kind of irrefutable proof that the text message screenshots Poi posted - where she sent Build photos of her bruises, Build told her he didn't regret giving her them, and that he wanted to kill her - are 100% fabricated, then I cannot and will not support him.
Regardless of whether or not Poi was also a bad person.
Additionally, even in the (incredibly unlikely, imo) event that these messages turn out to have been fabricated, I would stand by my initial response to the situation. I will not apologise for believing someone who speaks about abuse, and for disagreeing with the people that immediately accused her of lying.
Because even if in this case it turns out to not be the truth - the next time someone comes forward about a celebrity, it will be. And the next time. And the next time. There will always be devoted stans of celebrities determined to pick apart women’s stories and insist that they’re lying - and 99% of the time, they will be attacking a victim to defend someone violent.
Finally - I’m sad. I don’t know how else to say this. I’m really, really sad about this whole situation. This whole thing has been incredibly emotionally exhausting. Hearing about it is painful, talking about it is painful, it’s all fucking awful and I’m a mess, honestly. It’s a horrific situation in itself, and then on top of it all I’m devastated about losing friends over it, losing a community over it.
I know that I can come across quite detached (I’m sure this post reads like an essay rather than a text post on tumblr.com) but it’s my way of coping with it and feeling in control about what I say and how I express my emotions. It doesn’t mean I’m actually clinically distant or cold or not emotional or anything. I just don’t know how else to talk about it.
And I am happy to talk about it - but I’m not going to respond to anons about this situation anymore. If you want to talk about this, please feel free to DM me or send me an ask off-anon. But this isn’t something I can talk about with people who aren’t willing to put their names to what they’re saying.
I hope that makes sense.
#edit: tumblr keeps deleting the end of this post#sorry if it cuts off randomly?!#or if anything repeats because i tried to add it again?!#it should end with 'i hope that makes sense' and if it doesn't tumblr has eaten my post :( SAD#idk man i'm struggling a lot with all of this#i'm not a particularly big blog i'm not expecting this to get a response or any attention#i'm not being like 'ooh tumblr user kinnbig makes a statement!'#there was just some stuff i wanted to say#i'm having a really really hard time with this whole thing#especially with the friends i've lost because of it#it's awful and it's shitty and i'm sad and angry and frustrated#anyway#so much love to everyone also struggling rn 💖#darcey.txt#abuse mention
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Wait what did the blue period author do the yatora figure was literally one of the only nendo ive seriously considered
they drew nsfw art of two hypnosis mic characters of which one was definitely underage and i think they could be brothers too idk i haven't seen hypmic but either way it's fucked 😭 they also follow a bunch of people on pixiv who draw shota porn so yeah.......it's definitely not looking good overall
#people say her pixiv account is inactive so it could technically speaking be without her knowledge#when i say 'without her knowledge' i mean that Technically they could've started posting that shit after she went inactive but#i highly doubt that i'm just repeating what i've seen people say when discussing this stuff#however i think she actually wrote a doujinshi about the hypmic ship that's available for purchase so i wouldn't call that one an accident#also sorry this info is a little bit vague i really don't like deep diving about stuff like this it makes me uncomfortable#i don't mind that you asked btw that's fine! this is just all the info i wanna give i don't wanna spend any more time looking at it#anon#ask#non figure
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terrified for how large the number on that post may be by tomorrow please don't give me any more notes. go give my friends' art more notes please and thank you <3
#I would @ them but i get nervous about @ing people in posts#eh whatever#go follow indy ind1c0lite makes some baller ace attorney art like seriously go look at their stuff right now I'm begging you)#go follow boba theyaoiparable (makes kickass tsp art like seriously. mwah. and all the effort they put into their art??? bro. go follow the#go follow parker oasisofgalaxies (my baby brother. my cringe fail loser king Love them dearly. they are funny and they are bad at games <3)#go follow wild uptheantares (not... entirely sure what they go by online but i've known them for years and their art is super good ily wild#go follow juno widdendream5 (once again!! kickass art!! They're super chill too. I think rn they're working on a slenderman project??)#i apologize i have not been keeping up too well but i know they're working on it with melody cryptidmelody and jade i-maybe-exist#who are also both lovely people by the way#god i hope this isn't crossposting a bunch of things#i'm so sorry to whomever might be looking for things and finds this post i'm so sorry#lets see whom else...#go follow class classcryptid!!! they are super cool and chill and i love thme#i am repeating myself i'm sorry i love my friends so much ;-;#oh god i cannot remember err's username it's something that is not related to what i call them at all....#FOUND IT!!#follow err adamaniline-blog very cool. very awesome. Love them so much#i need to go to bed#but before i forget#ALSO FOLLOW FISH COPEPODS#cool blogger. banger ass blog and also a fish in real life#oh yes yes! and!!!#follow indrid im-still-a-robot coolest motherfucker alive fr fr#oklay#that devolved at the end#but i love my friends gnight <3
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Okay I'm home now and i can fully and freely type. Anyway mild spoilers for into the spiderverse i guess?
❌❌❌
Anyway uh. Yeah it... It was a tiny bit of a disappointment. It didn't do it for me at all. I feel like this movie is more of an art exhibit and i mean that as a fucking insult. Like sure the animation fucks my ears are ringing and my head aches horribly (that's on me for thinking i can be autistic and watch this on theaters) but like, the story man? It just so much (DEROGATORY).
It commits the sin a lot of spiderman movies make and that is that it bit more than it could chew. Not because they're bad at handling a complex story, but because they tried to juggle like 5 at once. And that never fucking works (my ear is still ringing and it hurts I'm in pain rn -_+ just wanted y'all to know)
Like it introduced SO FUCKING MUCH and it all was cool yeah! Just like electro was cool, and Harry, and Gwen, and captain Stacy. You know what in trying to fucking say? There's only so much you can do in 2 hours and you can just throw all you have all at once at the viewer because all you'll do is leave them disappointed wanting for more of that.
I feel like a baby. They show me this cool thing but nuh uh! Enough of that! Here's this new cool thing! But nuh uh! Enough of that- and so on. Like there were so many cool characters and ideas and concepts and shit but it could barely balance it all. YOU KNOW HOW BAD I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF THE SPOT?! HE BARELY WAS HERE!
It's like, you cannot fucking make a whole movie as the introduction to your next movie. That just sucks. You're setting yourself up for failure.
Like I'm just so upset bc it was full of amaizing things but it didn't fucking deliver in any of them!!!! And God don't get me started on the references. I think this was one of the worst ways to fill your movie with references. Like at least let me fucking process what I'm seeing if you are gonna waste so much time here, but also just... Don't make it so fucking blatant.
Like man i... This was a very experimental spiderman movie which i appreciate in a way but... It's not what I was expecting. To me, personally, it was disappointing. And also not designed at ALL to watch on cinemas. I think that last bit is just a fact.
I'm just kinda sad man. Like i loved Miles and Gwen's drama and i loved Miguel but I also wanted to see more of, you know, THE WHOLE FUCKING NEW CAST AND THE NEW FUCKING VILLAIN THEY INTRODUCED BUT SHOWED ONLY FOR LIKE 2-3 SEGMENTS MAX???????
LIKE HANDS ON HEAD EMOJI WHAT WERE THEY DOINGGGGG 😭😭😭😭
#luly talks#im sorry to the people who loved this movie i am so upset#on funnier news i found the spot is called la mancha in spanish which is funny bc mancha is what we call a common kids game#in fact i remember that the english name for that is tag we call that mancha#LA mancha#btw i did love Miles' mom having more of the spotlight it was like a little treat for us latinos fr#also. the amount of cop stuff was a bit too much. i wouldn't call it pro cop like some idiot i saw the other day but it. like. hm. y'know?#like this movie feels like an art project something you'd see the fans do and if they did you'd allow the imperfections#but it was made by an studio and there were expectatives in the table like it. it just doesn't stand on its own at all#I WANTED MORE OF PAV AND HOBBIE MAN. I FUCKING DID. HOBBIE ESP I HAVE A CRUSH ON EM#they/them too right? didnt really hear it well but I'm sure i heard em be called they#i will say tho i loved the pear shaped spiderwoman that was super cool#i did literally joke about being too fat to make a spidersona b4 watching the movie and sure she was a woman i aint but it was nice anyway#but yeah it just. it tried to chew more than it could bite. the spot was so cool tho#the spot and hobbie are my guys i love them#man I'm just sad i really am im repeating myself bc im too overwhelmed to retain thoughts so idk if im being clear but like#this movie had a LOT of good things but it delivered on nearly NONE of them#like just commit! you want this to be a story about Miles sure do that but just focus on him and that's it#dont throw in so much and leave us yearning for more bc now we have the old cast AND the new cast both and we barely saw any of these new#ppl interacting we barely fucking know them#anyway just SAD man
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the tragedy of media about robots and artificial intelligence is that it's now used to antropomorphise biased algorithms developed by corporations with a profit motive, when the point of that media was always about personhood and the way some people's humanity is stripped off of them.
but sure steve, tell me about how chatGPT is in love with you, i guess.
#i'm sorry to say but it was a metaphor all along#most of what we call ai is just a fancy algorithm in a semi-black box it doesn't have a conscience#like i'm sure i'm not breaking any new ground for people with that but it's worth repeating sometimes#is it possible to maybe achieve that some day? could we have philosophical debates about where consciousness begins?#sure#i guess#idk i just don't think that's a useful lens rn they're tools that can be used for a lot of cool stuff#and also as tools to perpetuate systems that are contributing to the dehumanization of actual people#they're not evil or good etc
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I'm still doing what i am referring to as my vocaloid concert pilgrimage, and have currently reached magical mirai 2017
as much as i rag on MM for not being mikupa, MM17 actually has a very solid line up compared to prior or upcoming years.
#meiko and kaito get ONE SONG#AND ONE OF THOSE SONGS WILL BE A REPEAT FROM A PAST YEAR#i mean it's still in the curse of#but like my standards are low since they'll never reach the kaito mikupa peak#actually tbf they did do luka kinda dirty this year specifically#i think it's the first year luka hasn't gotten a new song in a concert and also she only got two songs#but len and rin came out pretty well this year despite it being miku year#.. also did u know mm17's line up shares 4 songs with PLP 1#and 2 songs with PLP 2#obviously you don't know that second part only i know that but. easter egg.#valkris says shit#sorry i'm in such a content desert btw once i finish commission stuff i'll see if people will let me post those so i have SOMETHING
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rediscovered this gem and !!!! okay niall babe!!
#yesterday i consumed a 2h long video about one direction. and it honestly made me feel so many things lmao#it was all about what happened during x factor and everything that happened later and goddamn#i remember i became like a fan during kiss you and the take me home album roll-out#but i wasn't in the trenches so to speak... i honestly think i was way too old to be doing that shit lmao#i was fucking 17 !!! so yeah i was older and also i was a kanye west fan so... made questionable choices#but idk it made me feel so nostalgic for that era even though i wasn't even in the fandom and i didn't like. like them in that way#for me it was always about the music and never about Them in terms of like crushes or whatever lmao i repeat i was Older#anyway sorry this doesn't make any sense!!! i'm just nostalgic about them and i'm loving re-listening to their earlier stuff#julian bunetta and john ryan you guys have my soul tbh#niall horan#Spotify
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apologies in advance to anybody else who is emetophobic. anyway the accursed beasts (my dogs) threw up like a gallon of water on the floor and also some undigested grass. which is really cool. and really fun to help clean up. and i stepped in it barefoot accidentally which made me momentarily feel as if i was trapped in the stomach of a whale. And I will now have disgusting intrusive imagery of it in my head for the next couple days even though the actual thing was not that gross
#emetophobia#I'm at least beyond panic attacks of this stuff (at least when animals do it) but the intrusive thoughts#(sorry if that's inaccurate by the way but it's the closest term i know- they're like Sticky and deeply distressing)#don't seem to really be getting better#Seriously this literally just looked like a puddle of piss with grass in it like it wasn't even bad I just#Can't shake an instinctual distress and can't shake the repeated images of worse and worse scenes in my head from it#I don't like. Have OCD but the type of intrusive thoughts featuring upsetting imagery is really close to how this is for me#I also still freak out and have to leave if someone TALKS about throwing up even though them actually just doing it isn't so bad#I think it's like the dread and anticipation of it that makes it more panic inducing#Idk. I would like to just Get Over This and be an average level of bothered by it but the imagery part just won't go away#Even though my ability to like be around and clean up the actual substance has improved by having pets#Idk if I'd even call it a phobia anymore since the panic attacks mostly went away and I don't do anything special to avoid it
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