#also sidenote to autistic people on here

[midnightmystical]

I really fucking hate that even when something super positive happens with/towards me with people my brain WILL eventually make to where I'm like "oh person only feels sympathetic they actually can't stand you" or "people WILL shit talk about you when you aren't around" or "people will fuck you over in life just because of my existence"(which has happened)

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

how to not let your autistic inner child win (or how to write an if) by the secretary

[id: a student with glasses being pointed at and mocked by two students on screens, and two more offscreen with only their arms showing. the central bullied student looks sad, and everyone else is laughing. end id]

Ruhoh, is this another secretary essay? Well, yes it is! The gender politics one will eventually come around when I feel like it, but this one, as the title suggest, is about how to write an IF. And since I'm presuming most of you are on the spectrum (or on a spectrum), it gets a little tongue-in-cheek.

hehe

Anyways, if you have autism, you have eternal swag. It's just true! But having so much swag makes it a problem when writing, or doing any sort of project. This is something I've noticed from people who don't have evil autism. Those not afflicted by the rare autism version of evil autism (my autism) will often be really bad at just... doing things - despite having all the abilities to do so! I think it might be a adhd thing or something too. Anyways, I love helping people, (this is my evil autism), and I'd like to share some girl tips on how to kill your inner child :)

I think something I've noticed from people making any sort goals- online, real life, job, working, etc - is it is straight forward. ie: I want to graduate from high school, I want to make a video game, I want to journal everyday. These are all achievable using your abilities that you learn and gain through your life, and failure doesn't exempt you from trying again. Thing is, this specific thing I just described (straightforward goals) is something I think a lot of autistic people struggle with.

I deeply remember sitting down in the corner of my high school, looking like the hottest girl who played pokemon on her ds when someone who had +1% more autism than me told me that, one day, he was going to make the most cool pokemon game ever where you could date other characters and have babies and have your children go on adventure too. As a 14 year old, I thought to myself 'bitch, shut up' but also, 'this is so unrealistic, but he really believes it, uh'. And he did! And you know, I think that's okay. I think it's okay to believe that you can make things that you cannot do at the moment - I mean that's just how life it. We didn't go on the Moon thinking we couldn't

But... the guy didnt know how to code, or how to make games, or how to program, or how to develop stories, or how to make art, etc etc etc. He didn't know these things, but he wanted to make these things. And I see this to a certain degree quite a bit when it comes to creation. I want to say: it's a very important of the process but simply one part.

I think being able to imagine what you could do if you have all the resources in the world, all the time, and all the help is important - but it is even more important to look within and go 'alright with all this in mind - what can I do?'

And if you're in the field of IF, well, what can you do? Coding, storytelling, character design, plotting arcs, etc. I think the skills can be learned by anybody (sidenote incoming)

If anybody ever fucking says that art is innate, they're fucking lying. It's a skill you grind out. You work it out. You work even if you feel not creative. You write words even if they don't come to you naturally. You draw even if the images can't be conjured. You work you work you work and you make something. You cannot always make art when feeling creative because you aren't always creative. you must be willing to die for your art, yes, but you must also be willing to create without any creative sparks! If you want to be an artist, you better work bitch.

(sidenote ending) and with that in mind, you need to develop restraints onto yourself. In IF, it's actually to create restraints, and here are some I suggest for all of my fellow autists who might struggle with them. I love you guys, truly, anyways. here they are:

restrain characters.

Make three characters + a main character. Write a couple of scenes with them. Is that your maximum? Is that too much? Go up and down until you find the right amount. You can add more character when your writing is better. Stick to a minimum per scene. If you have ideas for 30 characters, you can easily melt them into 10. Seriously. Put the heat on maximum and start creating new fun dolls to play with.

2. restrain scenes

You cannot write 500 per interaction. This is a bad idea because a) you might do the thing where you run out of creativity which you need to learn to do without but it is hard and b) interactions are time limited and time sensitive. not everybody will go through them. if you have a 30k update, but most people will only see 1k... are you really writing a game for them or for yourself? I made my wife do this format:

youll gain the ability to gauge if a scene is important or not eventually, I'm sure.

3. restrain area

I recommend writing like a murder novelist. You have a closed circle, and the player cannot leave it. they can only be within that space. That space that exists within that specific story is the only thing they have access to. it can be a school, a city, a bedroom - but its limited. you create setpieces that players interact with. some set pieces are the same with just a different coat of paint on.

anyways, i believe in dreaming big, but i also believe that we have little time on our hands to create. when wanting to make something, restraint yourself. its always way more fun to find ways to break out of our bonds then just roaming free, right? I mean... maybe not. I'm not your mother, you know.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

Hey so I saw on one of your comics that you had a special interest about books and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind talking more about that

bc I think I’m autistic but whenever I’ve brought this up to my mom one of the things she argues back is that autistic people have special interests that they research and devour, and to her I was never like that as a child

meanwhile I’m over here like …🧍‍♀️…mom did you not witness the 2-year period where I only consumed the Warrior Cats series and only got out of it bc you took away my books because you thought my obsession was dangerous and then I had a meltdown where I screamed “don’t take my friends away! Those books are my only friends! Don’t take them away from me!”?

I just haven’t seen/heard of anyone else whose special interest was books and so it’s made it really hard to validate whether I’m autistic or not, so I’d appreciate anything you’re willing to share about it!!

Sure! The first book special interest I can remember having was The Magic Key books. I absolutely refused to read anything else and cried (read: had a meltdown) when I discovered I'd read all the ones available at school and I had to choose a different book (shock, horror).

These guys were my besties :)

After realising other books could also be good I started collecting series - I really liked having every book in a series and having them in order on my bookshelf. I ended up with two full bookshelves in my room of just my books, and then I read all my parents books as well. I read my favourite ones over and over, especially Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer and the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett (I started reading those when I was 11 and I have a whole shelf dedicated to them :)).

I did the Summer Reading Challenge (which is an annual event in UK libraries) every year from the age of 4, and when I aged out of that worked at the library as a volunteer and listened to kids tell me about books they'd read. Like a smaller Rory Gilmore I brought a book with me wherever I went even if I wouldn't be able to read it. They were like comfort blankets to me.

No one ever picked it up as a special interest though, probably because liking books is a more 'normal' hobby compared to what a lot of people think of when they imagine an autistic person's special interest. And it's not like I know every single fact about books or trivia about characters. I just really like reading stories.

I'm sorry your mum took your Warrior Cats books away! That sounds very upsetting - I hope you've been able to continue your love of reading despite it <3

(sidenote: although it's common for autistic people to have special interests, it's not a requirement! Not every autistic person has one.)

[aeskanera]

No one asked for it but here it is! My personal ranking of Swtor companions from most to least favourite (in a more general sense this time since there’s so many) (sidenote this is entirely based on the og class storylines as I have not found time to play/read through the extended games yet) (tw for bad and inconsistent grammar):

TOP FIFTEEN

Vector Hyllus (IA) - bug boy❤️

Lord Scourge (JK) - let me romance him you cowards (obligatory statement that yes i am aware of post-onslaught romance but i don’t want to have to play through all that just to bang him)

Blizz (BH) - BLIZZ!!!!!!!

Risha (S) - one of the most detailed, nuanced companions in the game, my wife, top tier female love interest, she doesnt just have backstory she has Backstory ™️

Andronikos Revel (SI) - many points for the coolest name in star wars. ok like i think his character concept is kinda boring comparatively but they pull it off so well as a romance arc. he feels very real and human and natural and i like that he keeps the inquisitor grounded by being the everyman in a story about sith sorcery and going insane because of ghosts in your brain

Akaavi Spar (S) - she is SO hot. the superior Mandalorian like Torian Cadera who?

Treek - TREEK!!!!!!!

Kira Carsen (JK) - my first ever swtor love. she has a special place in my heart

Jaesa Willsaam (SW) - let me have lesbian sex with her

Qyzen Fess (JC) - i looove him, easily one of the most interesting characters and the deep dive into trandoshan lore is so fascinating and interesting

Vette (SW) - she’s my darling 🩷 i would die for her. i bonded with her so much cause i play female characters as a rule and her whole character and relationship with the female warrior is about her craving sisters and sisterly relationships and then finding that in the warrior. and at the same time that i was playing that class i was repairing and working on my real life relationship with my little sister who i’m now very close to. so Vette is my sister. plus if you play as female you still get to hit on Tivva (just not sleep with her) and the dialogue is extremely amusing to me

Elara Dorne (RT) - in game doing that sweet pseudo-enemies to lovers with Jorgan so my character meeting Elara was like FINALLY someone who i don’t hate. out of game i was like FINALLY my autistic companion. it’s not a swtor playthrough without at least one autistic companion

Holiday (JC) - she COUNTS ok!!!!

Aric Jorgan (RT) - cat boy husband

Khem Val (SI) - objectively one of the best companions, if not the best. he’s just so low because i have more emotional attachment to the ones above

MIDDLE FIFTEEN

Torian Cadera (BH) - super well written romance especially when you get to the GenoHaradan arc, an underrated love interest (at least in the circles i run in online). however. sir we need to have words about that facial hair. also i guess it’s not an old republic game without at least one character that makes me say “they are NOT a nineteen year old”

Kaliyo (IA) - i get that she could rub people the wrong way but she’s my bestie. plus she coined the nickname bug boy for Vector

Tharan Cedrax (JC) - the superior version of Doc

SC0RPI0 (IA) - they gave that droid madonna cone titties. also i was so excited by her since i found the previous agent companion so bleh

Malavai Quinn (SW) - time to drop a controversial opinion…i think he’s overrated. like don’t get me wrong he’s a fantastic love interest, he’s just hyped up a LOT compared to other love interests and i think he maybe only deserves like 85% of the hype he gets (which is still a lot!). i just think he has a lot of the traits tumblrinas go nuts for and then they act like that makes him superior to other love interests when that’s not necessarily the case. and i say this as someone who romanced and placed him higher on this list than several other love interests so im being objective here. on a more positive note his deadpan humor is greatly enjoyable, and i find it very entertaining that when his health bar drops but is still like halfway full he starts saying shit like “my death is imminent” overdramatic king

Xalek (SI) - the superior inquisitor apprentice

Zenith (JC) - let me romance him you cowards but im far less passionate about this one than i am about Scourge (yeah yeah the expansions i want him to be my MAIN story love interest in the origin)

Broonmark (SW) - i love my giant murderous fluffy alien monster baby

M1-4X (RT) - i do enjoy being told how amazing i am on a regular basis. the most egotistical character let alone the most egotistical droid but unlike other swtor companions he pulls off having one single character trait cause he’s funny about it

Doctor Lokin (IA) - the mad scientist thing is very cool but i feel like for me personally it was not as cool as it sounds in theory

T7-O1 (JK) - teethree 2.0 and since they made teeseven like several hundred years old anyway i genuinely do not understand why they didn’t just make him T3-M4

Lieutenant Felix Iresso (JC) - literally only exists for me as eye candy (and what a good job of it he does)

2V-R8 - they gave that poor droid anxiety

C2-N2 - i love my aromatherapy droid

Yuun (RT) - he’s just so nice! so pure, so wholesome. marge simpson voice i just think he’s neat

BOTTOM FIFTEEN

Talos Drellik (SI) - am a huge nerd over history and archaeology…literally me in star wars…so why don’t i like him more??? absolutely no idea it’s just a vibe. also not to be mean but according to the swtor encyclopedia he’s supposed to be younger than Quinn…bb girl you did not age well

Corso Riggs (S) - idk i mean he’s cute and all, and we’ve established that i love my autistic companions (plus he’s very luke-skywalker-my-favorite-character coded) but like he came across too young for me to want to romance him with the smuggler character especially with how superior the girl love interests are. Much potential as a bestie though

Guss Tuno (S) - i literally have no memory. could not tell you a thing about him. oh wait except this insanely hilarious line I came across the other day while casually reading wookiepedia (as one does) that goes pretty hard and honestly yoinked him up from the bottom of the list: “You've never known real rage until you've been lectured on controlling your emotions by a four-year-old in a robe.”

Sergeant Rusk (JK) - he sure is there i guess

Nadia Grell (JC) - i cannot wrap my head around anyone wanting to romance her. it just feels icky to me. like i can handle a lot of the power imbalances in the other romances but this one is just too much for me, especially if you’re a light side jedi

Ashara Zavros (SI) - yawn. she will never be Jaesa Willsaam no matter how hard she tries. pretty tho

Doc (JK) - bootleg Tharan Cedrax

Lieutenant Pierce (SW) - if i have to hear about the Bastion one more time i stg….ruined the trooper chapter three story for me. he’s not lower only because i enjoy that his dynamic with Quinn is literally just them

Ensign Raina Temple (IA) - god she is so boring

Bowdaar (S) - deep sigh of course the smuggler is the one who gets the wookiee companion. bootleg Zaalbar

Tanno Vik (RT) - on the one hand his recruitment quest made me want to shoot myself in the face seven hundred times…on the other hand he has that fuckoff awesome sword…much to consider…

Gault (BH) - so one note and that makes me sad. yeah so are a lot of companions but he’s neither adorable enough or funny enough to pull it off. i guess he does have a sliver of likability such as his ex-girlfriend storyline that makes him able to endear himself to me just enough

HK-51 - sigh i guess it’s not an old republic game without an HK unit

Mako (BH) - grow some balls girl. i genuinely don’t even know why i hate her so much. you’re telling me this girl’s supposed to be a bounty hunter? don’t make me laugh. maybe if she develops a real personality. im so mean to her for absolutely no good reason i really do turn into a high school bully about this girl. if someone wants to psychoanalyze me and tell me why i despise Mako that would be much appreciated

Skadge (BH) - yikes

[ordinaryschmuck]

I couldn't make it to Friday. I just missed you all so much. I also missed talking with a few friends and sharing opinions.

Like, I just read 10 comics from a Wonder Woman run from the 80s that's honestly pretty good. There's a lot of great panels and pages that I would loved to share and such.

I also recently watched Delicious in Dungeon, as per request from a friend of mine. My favorite is Laios. I'm not one to point out characters who are "autistic coded" like my fellow neordivergents, but I am one to look at characters, point at them, and go, "I'm just like that" when looking at them. I felt that way with Abed Nadir, who I still say is one of the best mirror image I've felt when looking at a character. And while I'm sure Laios isn't actually autistic, to me he is. And given that non autistic people try to tell me that The Good Doctor and Sheldon are good representations of autism, at least let me have Abed and Laios.

I've also made great leeway into my Doctor Who review, almost finishing The First Doctor's run. Though, I very much miss Ian, Barbara, and even Vicki. Screw Steven especially. And Dodo...partially.

And I have one DCEU movie left before finishing this first part of this DCEU retrospective I'm working on. Sidenote, you're going to see real quick why I don't talk about movies and shows that I hate for long periods of time. You would NOT like me when I'm angry.

While I was gone, I also missed some creators on Tumblr who's art and posts made my day. You have no idea how boring a lunch break is when you don't have an endless amount of MoringMark comics to scroll through.

So, yeah, I couldn't be kept away for long...but I am going to start limiting my use on Tumblr. At least, with how much I scroll through it. I don't want another breakdown like i had last Friday and I'm going to limit what I see on here and stay off of Twitter especially. Shit gets WAY more intense on their, especially the shaming. I voiced how heavy my heart felt with everything going on in the world, and I was met with some understanding and care. If I voiced it on Twitter, I'd likely get people calling me selfish and that I don't deserve a break. So...yeah, no more Twitter for at least a month.

But on here? I'm sticking around. Just in a way that I feel more comfortable. Maybe in the future, I'll be comfortable scrolling again, but until then, it's limited Tumblr time.

Thank you all for being understanding, thanks to those who sent kind words and messages, and thanks to one in particular for helping me a lot more during all of this panic and anxiety even before I decided to take a break. I owe a lot to you, buddy.

[noys-boise]

i accidentally reminded myself of how much the original Howard the duck comics are like. really about the neurodivergent experience. and i never know how much of that was intentional because i just know there was something really neurodivergent about Gerber (he himself said it on his blog actually) but I don't think he realized just how deeply that affected his art and i don't think neurotypicals could ever pick up on these things.

like. you have Howard himself who gets thrown into this world he doesn't understand, forced to go along with its nonsensical customs, and just getting in more trouble when he tries to go against it eventually leading to him falling apart mentally. important note here, as the series goes on it becomes more obvious that it's not just humanity he can't connect with, he didn't exactly fit into his own word's society either so the autism thing here isn't just metaphorical but pretty literal too. anyways, the first person he connects with is Beverly who doesn't really follow societal conventions either and has something really neurodivergent about her too. and their connection is strong. and yes it's in a romantic way but also deeper than that it's a sense of solidarity. Howard has no choice but to be an outsider to humanity with his duckness and all while Beverly could theoretically go along with it but she just doesn't want to. in fact she does everything in her oower not to. but at the end of the day neither of them feels accepted and they have an immense amount of understanding between them. which is once again... really neurodivergent. we flock together. speaking of, Howard's other friend we meet early on, Paul Same who other than being Gerber's self insert is just... i don't know even know how to explain how much his backstory is just a description of adhd. and finally there's a third person Howard connects with immediately (and honestly i think that whole arc weirdly parallels the way he met Beverly which is interesting but that's a whole other essay i could write) and honestly this whole scene is possibly the most neurodivergent thing I've ever seen. basically Howard goes through a complete nervous breakdown, impulsively runs away from his comfort person upon thinking she abandoned him and gets on a really crowded bus where he experiences just. COMPLETE sensory overload and can only calm down with the help of this weird girl called Winda (sidenote her parents are convinced she's posessed by demons just because she's a little weird and want to get her exorcized which. yikes. but also it's just making the metaphor more obvious to me) who tells him to make weird faces and sounds which he does and it actually helps him and they're pretty much besties from that point on. I'm telling you this is how neurodivergent people connect with each other this is legitimately what it is I don't have anything more to say this is neurodivergent art and it makes my autistic heart really happy.

[bebbie-bilinski]

Hi! Do you have any adhd/asd stiles headcanons? They're always so fun to read!

ohmygosh hello!! boy do i have plenty of headcanons pertaining to autism ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(apologies in advance this is going to be incredibly self indulgent as a lot of these are based on ways autism shows up for me. i'll put a little "*" next to those!)

Autisic Stiles Stilinski Headcanons

it was incredibly obvious that he was on the spectrum when he was growing up - he didnt always respond to his name when called, no eye contact with anyone aside from his mom and dad, had the same outfit in multiples because thats the only thing he felt comfortable wearing, stuff like that! since then he's expanded who he allows himself to make eye contact with like anyone from the pack but its pretty sporadic eye contact and not consistent

was in special education for a portion of elementary school until it was deemed he didnt quite need that anymore *

selective mutism - as a kid he rarely spoke more than a couple sentences throughout the span of a week and because of this he was taught ASL and still uses it when he experiences speech loss (the pack has taken it upon themselves to learn at least the basics to understand stiles when he switches over to that) also sidenote to any autistic people who may be reading this i highly recommend learning whatever version you have of sign language in your country its been such a positive change in my life its so worth learning!

hes a sensory seeker and sensory avoider but his most favorite textures are: rocks, sherpa, faux fur (only the soft and very short kind, water, bamboo fabric, sorta-wet dirt, door frames, beards (if any of the guys in the pack grow out their facial hair get ready for lots of pats from stiles), and the feeling of running his hands over his freshly-buzzed hair *

stims - his stims consist of popping his lips, shaking his head side to side, sucking in air, rolling his tongue, hand flapping, knee bouncing, swaying, spinning, humming, grunting, pacing, touching the textures he likes, having a particular song on repeat, pursing his lips, and laughing! the ones pertaining to age regression are: rattles, having a pacifier in his mouth, and the sound blocks make like getting tumbled over *

safe foods - he is an incredibly picky eater but has safe foods he either has had everyday for years now or some for special occasions: oatmeal, toast, curly fries, lemonade, grilled cheese, mac n cheese (are we seeing a theme here haha), ramen, any sort of veggie-meats, soup, any sort of snack that crunches like cheese itz goldfish veggie straws etc.

his bed - he likes his bed in a very particular way i'll even throw in a pic of the bed frame he has!

he lines all the edges with stuffed animals and/or pillows and does not like having his bed made neat, he likes to keep it looking like a nest and hes very serious about that Noah knows better than to make his bed if he's ever tidying up around the house! he only sleeps with a jersey comforter and a 25lb weighted blanket and does not like laying his head on his pillow but rather hugging it so most nights he sleeps flat against the mattress *

outings - any sort of long outings is going to require a bag of sorts and stiles will often forget to bring such bag, his dad always brings it and makes sure to tell anyone he might be with (like Derek, Lydia, Scott etx) to bring The Bag ™ it consists of: noise canceling headphones, a couple of fidget toys, at least one small stuffed animal, his backup anxiety medication, sunglasses, and a change of the most sensory friendly clothes *

[fundiscrimination]

To make up for missing yesterday as a treat here are all the Star Trek characters who are ace:

(dang maybe a some point they should branch out from STEM huh?)

Seven of Nine-Voyager (Not Picard)

also winning the coveted A4 spot (asexual, aromantic, agender, autistic) Seven could not catch a break, just 4 seasons people constantly telling them she's doing humanity wrong and pressuring him to conform. It could not be a more relatable character tbh.

My favorite character, always iconic

Billups-Lower Decks

Come on. seriously. we all know this man is asexual. just watch the show it's not subtle. If you disagree you're just wrong.

Odo-Deep Space Nine

Another A4, if there's one thing you can rely on Star Trek for it's the A rep (in infinite combination). (btw I also support trans masc readings of Odo, also whatever's going on between him and Quark)

Yes he has canonical romances and relationships, yes I am ignoring them they're weren't good. Odo started the show just completely baffled and a bit judgey about sex, romance, and gender roles and he should have stayed that way.

Jean Luc Picard-The Next Generation

Remember when Riker tricked him into getting a I-wanna-fuck statute on the sex planet and instead Picard went on an archeological scavenger hunt while dealing with multiple scammers and thieves?

I love him for his genuine hatred of/discomfort with children, his various hobbies, and his lack of time or interest in relationships.

I apologize for finding Q's stalking and sexual harassment of him funny.

Data-The Next Generation

Honestly I'm just going to point In Theory (4.25). The most annoying thing is the show trying to act like it proves Data doesn't have human feelings. When we all know he has friends he cares about. He's close with various members of the crew including Troi and Geordi. He gave Keiko away at her wedding. And look at that picture, that's Spot and Data loves her very much.

In summary, Data doesn't need to want sex or romance to "be human" or "have feelings". He's fine with friends, and his cat, and his autisum.

Tendi-Lower Decks

Because I want her to be.

Ok, I do think it'd be fun to explore an asexual Orion and validate her close relationship with Rutherford as important AND platonic. And we need more femme-presenting/assumed ace (coded) characters on Star Trek. And it'd be really cool to have 2 ace characters on a show.

Also cause I want her to be.

Spock-Star Trek

Did you think I forgot him? The original? The blueprint?

Now, obvious sidenote, I believe in the premise and it's very embarrassing of Star Trek to keep avoiding confirming it, and also I just think Kirk/Spock/McCoy is the ideal dynamic and basically what's already going on. And maybe in either of this ships mentioned, they fucking nasty (or whatever)

However, none of that prevents Spock from being asexual. Which he is.

Please feel free to share your other Star Trek Ace headcannons with me

If you disagree or feel offended by anything on this list please feel free keep that shit to yourself I don't care

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

Thoughts on Kaito and Internalized Ableism (long post warning)

33:14 Chapter 2 Investigation (Spoilers for the entire game throughout this post)

Note: Normally I reference scenes from the English dub, but I happened to click on this one with the voices in Japanese, and I'm too lazy rn to go searching for the English dub. I think the English subs are the same, but just wanted to reference in case there are discrepancies.

^^^ Here is one of Kaito's opinions that can be good in the right context, and I think it was used right in this one, but also gives vibes of stemming from his internalized ableism (is it still called internalized ableism if you're also applying it to other people??). Maybe it's the "if you've got time to __ you've got time to __" that sounds like something a mean teacher would say.

Another small sidenote: I've also seen someone headcanon Gonta as autistic, which I agree with. I wont be talking about it this post other than this sidenote, but I can relate to that feeling of "I cant help, I'm too dumb, so I should just stay out of the way." But everyone should be doing the investigation, since their lives are on the line, so Kaito was right in this example telling him that he should at least read the Monokuma file. That's all I have to say about Gonta in this post btw.

(Trigger warning: Talk of life-threatening illness, internalized ableism, Ryoma's suicidal depression).

My headcanon for Kaito is that he has always been sick with a life threatening illness, but pushes himself past his limits out of misguided ideas (disability inspiration porn) of "overcoming" his illness to be the "Luminary of the Stars." I also talked about that in this post.

Of course, being disabled myself, it's possible I just always associate advice like this with "well, how do you want disabled people to apply this advice, how much are you willing to accommodate them or be patient with them versus just pushing them to their limits?" And considering that Kaito was hiding an illness in canon makes me wonder how much that relates to his ideologies and how he sees himself.

He can be very harsh sometimes, especially with guys (that gender role crap about men being strong). His illness doesn't excuse this, but it can explain how and why he's so forward about telling others to suck it up and get themselves together. The problems/naiveté with that way of thinking shows up when he talks about Ryoma being suicidal (14:57 in the video).

One of Kaito's worst lines, if not his worst line period. It's good writing and very in-character, but it's very hard to stomach. It's the words of a naïve kid who really really doesn't understand someone being suicidal and how it affects them. He lives by an attitude of overcoming anything and believing in everyone (he's also a friendly, outgoing person, noting that "living for your friends" thing), it's hard for him to fathom Ryoma's feelings as something he couldn't have just, powered through, overcame, believed in himself more? Ryoma's depression was, like, a discouragement, so why couldn't Ryoma have just... encouraged himself out of it? That's what Kaito (who doesn't have Ryoma's depression) would have done!

His frame of reference, like his internalized ableist inspiration porn, is limited. Which makes sense, given that he's a kid. But this is the problem with inspirational talk, it hits a wall when the person trying to inspire you lacks a fundamental understanding of your situation and fails to make a connection.

He was able to get through to Maki and Shuichi as he made friends with them; he at least understood what they wanted and what could motivate them. But Maki and Shuichi (at the time at least) weren't suicidal the way Ryoma was, so they were still receptive to Kaito and to believing in themselves.

Ryoma was not a lost cause, and Kaito is not a failure for his inability to help an adult willpower his way out of being suicidal, but it's sobering to see the realistic limitations of Kaito's limited-perspective optimism.

I hate to end this post on such a low note, so here's a different moment (32 minutes in).

Tsumugi, like every good writer, knows that it's never too late in the process to add more convoluted backstory.

[glo-wings]

hi! i'm valentine! i'm a genderqueer person who's physically disabled and mentally ill. i'm also deaf and autistic. my landlord is going to evict me if i don't pay rent soon! me and my best friend have been trying to move to a better place for the last year, but it's Really Hard when you're low-income and stuck in a conservative, rural hellhole :( additionally, our landlord is vindictive and is not replacing our hot water heater which broke 2 weeks ago, dumped 50 gallons of water into our apartment, causing us to not have hot water AND allowed mold to proliferate in our carpets and bedspring. it's just gonna get worse from here. there's no job opportunities, no public transit, no government or support organizations, no upward mobility here. i really want to get somewhere else, but it's going to be even harder to find a place if we're homeless and have an eviction on record. help us stay housed in the meantime? if you prefer a direct donation with paypal or cashapp, dm me! sidenote: if you have any information on getting an affordable apartment in/near south-eastern pennsylvania, please let me know! thank you 💕💕💕

[daybreakrising]

What’s a good way to start talking to you if people are scared to?

What’s a tip you would give to people trying to get to know you?

Do you dive into conversation easily?

How would you rate your conversation skills?

Do you feel awkward/nervous/etc trying to get to know people?

What is something you want people to know right away about yourself?

What are some things you worry about in terms of new people?

Stranger making small talk, yay or nay for you?

Introvert? Extrovert? Ambivert?

anxious munday meme | @ccaptain

a good way to start talking to me has been answered here! but to summarise: talk about our muses. talk to me about your hcs. talk to me about plots/ideas you have. give me a topic and run with it!

a tip i'd give for people trying to get to know me is: be patient and understand that i don't always reply to messages immediately, and that i may come across as blunt or disinterested from the way i talk but i promise you, i am screeching behind the screen. i'm just not good at expressing that unless i know you well or we've been talking back and forth for a while & i know your humour / style of conversation.

i do not dive into conversation easily, generally. there are exceptions to this, of course, but in the context of newer interactions, it might take some warming up. once we've got to that stage? expect me to drop in your messages at all hours to ramble about something-

my conversation skills were rated here. basically... bad SBGFLKHFKNHKGH

i do feel awkward & anxious trying to get to know people. i always struggle in those early introductions, before i've got a measure of how the person communicates, their sense of humour, etc, bc my neurodivergent and anxiety-riddled brain cannot cope with the idea that the other person might find me annoying, boring, etc. early conversations might seem a bit stilted or awkward because of this but i promise i am not like this forever

something people should know right away about me is that i am ALWAYS down for plotting, for throwing our muses together and seeing what sticks. do you have that one slightly obscure idea that you haven't been able to play out yet? throw it at me - even if we don't end up going for it, i'm still interested to hear about it. i am also always down for shipping (with chemistry, ofc), so if there's a ship you've always wanted to write and i happen to have one of the muses for it? come at me, there's a chance i'm down for it (sidenote: i love rarepairs. give them to me.)

some things i worry about in terms of new people was answered here!

stranger making small talk, yay or nay - NAY. my autistic ass cannot cope with small talk. i can manage the 'how are you / how have you been doing / how's your day been' stuff, but if it's not immediately followed up with actual conversation i like... shrivel up and die inside. please give me something of substance to talk about otherwise i don't know what to say next. the more i know you, the more i can handle occasional small talk, but tbh if i know you that well i probably just ramble at you about stuff out of nowhere so it's not really an issue dlkfngflknhg

and i am undeniably, absolutely, for sure an introvert.

[reading-gremlin]

Dragons et mécanismes

Let’s start with one that I don’t think has an english translation. It is a YA novel written by Adrien Tomas and is somewhere between steampunk and fantasy, if the title had not made that obvious already. We follow Dague a young thief and informant as he accompanies Mira —a foreign noble— as her bodyguard. It is technically the second book in its series but considering the setting and cast are almost completely different from the first one it can easily be read as a standalone and with no knowledge whatsoever of the first one. Trust me, that’s what I did.

Without spoiling too much, it has a lot of political scheming, adventures in the jungle, an amazing worldbuilding and some horror elements as well.

The cast

The cast is mostly made of black/POC characters, with only Mira, her pursuers and a group of secondary characters being white. Mira is not confirmed but heavily implied to be neurodivergent, maybe autistic. As for Dague, he uses a prosthetic arm for most of the journey and is also pansexual. Shumbi, a warrior who joins the group later on, is genderfluid. There are multiple villains with different goals and personalities and they are all great. There are many more but none that either I can speak about without spoiling or are really plot relevant.

What I liked about the book

I liked how Shumbi’s gender played out with their people’s ability — sidenote, Shumbi uses she/her or he/him pronouns depending on the gender they feel the most aligned to at any given moment but since I could not bring myself to pick one or another, I’m using they/them but let me know if I should do otherwise— this ability lets these people change their bodies to their liking. Socially, they are allowed to keep changing during childhood but must pick one into adulthood/their teenage years. Shumbi keeps on changing despite being already at what their people considers adult age and I found that to be a fun way of somewhat dodging the shapeshifting non-binary trope or rather using it in a creative way.

The dragons and their lore is so fascinating and entertaining, it’s just a lot of fun. It leads to a mix of biological and anthropological studies. Plus, come on, these are dragons!

Not just for the dragons, mind you. As I said earlier, the worldbuilding here is great, especially for a YA book.

The villains are genuinely terrifying and creepy but in different ways.

As always, when picking up the book, I was dreading the overdone “Main boy and main girl end up together at the end despite it not being a romance book” trope but I was pleasantly surprised when they ended up as not just friends but best friends!

The magic system is really neat too! With different techniques from different parts of the world or simply different people in the same country.

Some other stuff I cannot ramble about without stepping into spoiler territory but trust me when I say I could gush about this book for ages.

All in all

A great book whether you like stories about dragons, political machinations or simply mystery. With a rather diverse cast of interesting characters it definitely feels like a breath of fresh air from yet another cast of cishet able-bodied white people. At least, it did for me. Maybe try it if you want/can.

[writings-of-nova]

firstly, id like to start this off with if you're sensitive to depressing topics, this probably is not the blog for you.

now, to introduce myself. for the sake of keeping my identity private i will not be using my actual name. so, you can call me nova. im 19, and use they/them pronouns.

so, why does this exist? frankly, i don't really know either. i just want to send my feelings off into the void of the internet without people knowing who i am, and maybe if this post has reached your corner of the internet it could help you.

so, where does our story begin? it begins in 2005. i won't tell you guys my birthday just yet, maybe you'll learn it eventually tho. i was born to a very dysfunctional household and this is going to be a very main part of my life story. i was born with a cocaine dependency due to my mother using said drug while she was pregnant with me, for her whole pregnancy. this has caused me to have multiple chronic health issues. it also caused me to have multiple mental health conditions, which is another main part of my backstory.

from a very young age, i remember my mother and grandmother constantly getting into fights. they'd scream, throw punches at each other, and more than a few times it escalated into them throwing kitchenware, instruments, electronics, whatever was in arms reach at the time, at each other. and growing up, i thought that was completely normal. however, as with many other things, i'd grow to learn that it wasn't normal.

things were then pretty uneventful other than my mother and grandmother fighting quite literally every single day. which, obviously isn't an ideal situation, but you'll soon learn that that was the calmest part of my life.

when i was 3, i experienced my first major health scare. i had to go to the hospital because i couldn't breathe and i was near death. they said it was bronchitis that developed into pneumonia and i had a good chance of not surviving. but, i did. however, sometimes i wish i didn't.

life from then on was pretty much the same cycle. deal with my mom and grandmother fighting every single day, hide in the bathroom because they started throwing things at each other, go visit family, and a few more things.

then i started school. now, i was horribly neglected when i was growing up in that house. i was never bathed, my hair was never brushed, because i simply was never taught these things. instead of having a loving family that helped me take care of myself, my grandmother and mother were too busy fighting, and my grandfather was too busy dealing with them fighting to teach me that stuff. he tried though. and you'll come to learn that out of these 3 people, the only one i even slightly grew any form of love for was my grandfather. now, when you're an obviously neglected child starting kindergarten in the public school system where i live, you get relentlessly bullied. people would comment on how bad i looked. they'd make fun of me for it. i smelled like cigarette smoke from my grandmother chain smoking about 3-4 packs a day, and i smelled like animal piss because they couldn't even take care of their animals.

i do want to make a sidenote here and say this, if you're thinking of having a child and you know you live in a dysfunctional household, don't. my parents just simply not having me could have prevented all of this.

my school life was horrible to say the least. i had random kids come up to me multiple times just to bully me, shove me, or poke at me because i was an autistic child and i didn't like getting touched so id melt down. and they'd laugh at me. then, one day, this random kid walks up to me, and full on punches me in the nose. what was i doing that i deserved to get punched? i was sitting alone on the playground because i didn't have any friends.

because of some rule that i didn't know the school had that i broke, i got expelled from that school and had to move schools. and i really thought that this new school was gonna be amazing! they gave me gifts my first day and i actually had people taking an interest in me.

granted, this did not last long, and soon at this school too id begin to get bullied. thankfully tho, it never got physical. first grade was pretty easy, it wasn't too bad at first. at the end of that school year it did start to get rough.

however, this is where id meet some of my best friends. i don't want to use their actual names, but we'll call them bee and zee. these two were there for me all the way until the end of 7th grade, and i will forever be grateful to them.

now, you've probably noticed i haven't mentioned my father once in all of this. that's because i didn't know him until i was 6. the man i thought was my father was actually just some random dude my mom ran off with while she was still with my actual father. and yes she was actively pregnant with me when she met this man. i don't remember much about the man i thought was my father for the first 6 years of my life. all i remember is a shitty apartment and some ferrets.

when i was 6 i got to meet my actual father. i originally was just introduced to him as one of my mom's friend's, however they quickly noticed how i acted complete different around him compared to her other friends. because apparently i knew. the ages of 6-11 are a complete blur for me though, so i don't know exactly how valid this claim is.

life is pretty blurry from here on out. at least, up until i was 7. when i was 7, however, my mother overdosed and passed. i didn't even know it was an overdose until i was 13. and even then, when i learned about it being an overdose, i thought it was accidental. it was only a few days ago that i learned that it wasn't.

now, everything from my mother passing and beyond i do not remember. only small things like family members dying. i regained my memory back at the end of age 11. i don't exactly want to know why i have lost my memory of this point in my life, but i do have a few ideas that it was something not very fun.

my memory comes back for a brief bit at the age of 10. i was repeatedly sa'ed by my neighbor, which unfortunately i do remember all of. this, unfortunately, would not be the last time this has happened in my life.

once again, i don't remember anything until i was 11, almost 12. however, one day when i was at school, i got called to the principal's office. when i got there, the police were waiting for me. apparently, and i have absolutely no memory of this, i was sa'ed by two of my family members on a trip to maryland. ill go more into this trip in the next paragraph.

the trip to maryland when i was 11 was something that felt like a dream. it was an international championship for baseball, and the family member i was staying with had two players for the korean team staying with them. little did i know, i was getting drugged and sa'ed. im over it now, however, it fucked me up for a while.

because of what happened in naryland, i had to move in with my dad. we don't exactly get along, but it's better than what i had to deal with. we fight a lot, but it's better than the other option.

now, i just try to exist the best i can. it's hard a lot of the time though. im hoping that maybe, just maybe, this post will reach out to someone else, someone thats maybe going through a similar situation.

if you are going through a similar situation however, please know, im here for you. i see you. i see everything you've gone through and i love you. if you feel unloved, hopeless, anything like that, please know it will get better.

even though ive gone through so much, now, life may suck. but ive got a loving boyfriend and friends that have gotten me through everything. you can get through this. i believe in you.

this blog will be for me to talk about my feelings. and maybe, just maybe, i can help someone out there feel less alone.

[sharpferrets]

drew this yesterday as a vent post, i didn't explain things on insta but i kinda wanna here bc I just feel like people on Tumblr are more understanding and open minded.

Again this is a vent, read at your discretion

So we have C-DID, pretty sure this is public knowledge, and we struggle a fuck ton with worthlessness. (We're living with abusive parents and the way our mom treats us and devalues everything we do is really really like, bad) and ig we were just having a really bad moment. Voltron's always been a big comfort show for us, and we've rewatched it recently and the whole thing with Shiro and Keith's "I'm not giving up on you" situation makes us cry constantly because like, to be honest we just wish that we had had someone like that (We had adult figures but most of them failed us or were actively really mean and awful, or turned out to be really horrible. We've also lost alot of friends once we became aware of our abuse and we just feel really left behind/like we're the sort of person that people gave up on (It's not their fault we genuinely were jerks to some (not all))) and we've been really into schoolbus graveyard recently too. And C-DID so splitting happens, so it has it's own implication there but we're sort of covert right now mentally (we call it the veil) and externally (safety reasons obvi) so I don't really want to talk about like, thaaaaat that much. But basically it was just the theme of a character that had sort of been given up on + a character that knows what it means to not give up on people offering that solidarity that he's not going to quit or call shit when it's hard and leave ig. Yeah. Just a big "Hey fuck you and everything" being acompanied by someone who gets it and isn't about to ditch because he knows that all people usually need is a person who won't give up on them.

Sidenote- this is just venting about something hyperspecific but i'm crying and upset and honestly i keep joking about it but it gets to me. I'm dyslexic and I was so convinced that my mom just never knew bc I'm autistic and 'gifted kid'ed my way through elementary. But apparently my english grades were at 70 and my spelling was below *50* and honestly the amount of sting that brings me. Because my older brother went to tutoring for years, so did my younger brother. But just knowing that it was so obvious and there was no way my parents didn't see those awful scores, yet I spent 2-3 hours, twice a week, for like 2-3 years in the *waiting room* of my *older brother's* tutoring. I honestly just feel really neglected and it's really fucking hurtful to know that. Like it really is. And I was just convinced that I got stupider later bc that's when I realized my bad spelling, but no I was just straight up *ignored* as a kid. Ignored when my brothers just weren't. Like it was always that bad. I'm just really upset.

[singrate]

The Nick Nelson Autism Master Post

Nick Nelson is autistic and here is why, love from me, who relates harder to him than any other fictional character ever and is very likely autistic myself:

(Note: I’m using evidence from the series, the comics and the novellas here, because there’s some stuff in Nick and Charlie that just screams autism to me.)

Special interests:

Rugby! This seems pretty obvious. He excels at it, it’s his thing, he keeps playing even when he doesn’t like his teammates, and this:

You cannot tell me that’s not an infodump.

Marvel and Formula One - these are only mentioned in passing, but I feel like they fit. Nick is 100% a Stucky shipper.

The Pirates of the Caribbean phase. Sidenote: for about three months after Heartstopper came out I had to watch it every few days or I just felt Wrong.

Sensory stuff:

The deep pressure hugs, especially when he’s stressed or very emotional.

That is sensory seeking behaviour if I’ve ever seen it.

In the series, he never wears his school jumper and rarely wears his blazer. Maybe he just runs hot, but he’s literally sitting in Form in February surrounded by people wearing coats and he’s just wearing a shirt. I think to Nick, the itchy/heavy uniform is a worse fate than being slightly cold.

“He likes the sound felt tips make on paper, rain and minimalism.” Hello???

There is something about his wardrobe. The sheer amount of sportswear and joggers. That’s a sensory thing. There has to be more to it than just that he’s a jock. There’s some bonus material in the back of Volume 2 where Alice has written: “Nick likes comfortable and sporty clothes more than anything. He’d wear joggers every day if he could!” I think maybe the texture/feel of his clothes matters a lot more to him than how they look.

Further to this, in the same bonus section: “Nick finds skinny jeans uncomfy to wear, so dressing up smart usually involves a pair of chinos or looser jeans.” Same vibes.

I also noticed he sticks to the same few brands of clothes, and to me the attachment to his Vans is a combination of autistic brand loyalty (also Carhartt and Adidas) and every other kind of shoe feeling wrong.

When he’s with Nellie, and especially when he’s stressed, he has her putting some of her weight on him. Pressure!!!

In the series he seems to be pretty particular about his hair and the pushing-it-off-his-forehead could be a stim.

He seeks darker/quieter spaces at Harry’s party - obviously this is partly because he just wants to be with Charlie but combine his room always being dimly lit (and don’t get me started on the fairy lights) and the “do you want to go somewhere quieter again?” in your head for me and tell me what conclusion you reach. He’s also visibly way more comfortable in said quieter places at the party.

Crossing his arms tightly like this. That's self-soothing and I will not be convinced otherwise because that's what I do.

In S01E08 when he went in the water with his shoes on I felt it in my bones and it made me want to cry but I think he prefers the horror of wet socks to the horror of Beach Textures.

General social things:

He talks about feeling like he doesn't fit in which is definitely a common trait of autism.

Also, when he’s talking to Imogen at the end of S01E05 it really seems like he planned that speech out in his head and practised it in his head in the shower multiple times. He was workshopping that monologue in his head while he walked to the park I’m telling you. 

Masking:

When Sarah goes: “You seem much more yourself around him.” He feels safe & accepted enough to unmask in front of Charlie (and also Charlie is heavily autistic coded too).

Some of his humour, especially around his Year 11 friends - for example the way he says “Your mum” to Imogen when she asks who he’s texting seems like he’s imitating his friends to fit in.

He has a hard time lying. In S01E03 when he’s talking to Harry after the kiss and says “guess I was just in a mood” he is doing the screwed up face I do when I’m trying to lie to be polite.

Social cues/tone:

He doesn’t seem to make much eye contact with any characters except Charlie, who he makes pretty intense eye contact with. 

There are a handful of moments in the series where he misinterprets the tone of people around him:

S01E01: The “small and weak” moment - he doesn’t pick up that it’s a joke and reacts self-consciously when Charlie points that out. That’s so me of him.

S01E07: His reaction to Charlie’s “he’s not even my type” comment. Not only did Nick’s face here make me want to cry slightly, it basically confirmed my Nick Nelson Autism Trutherism because he definitely misread what Charlie intended to be an inside joke as well as a deflection.

I’m sure there’s more that I’ll remember later

Both of the “her dog died” moments in S01E05 like are you kidding me.

Sitting on Charlie’s bed while soaking wet in S01E04. It’s not obvious to either of them that he probably shouldn’t do that.

That bit in S01E08 where he asks if Charlie wants to get lunch together. There is something so autistic about that moment and I can’t quite articulate it but it’s there.

There are moments when he comes off kind of blunt or abrupt when he obviously doesn't mean to, even towards Charlie, especially in S01E04 - on the rugby pitch and in the antiseptic wipes scene, for example, where he leaves super quickly after Isaac finds them. That scene always kind of upset me until I realised maybe why he's like that.

In Nick and Charlie when he just doesn’t pick up at all that Charlie’s upset about him going on about Leeds. 

He struggles to identify and articulate how he feels and this is a theme in the first couple of volumes of the comics and Season 1. 

In the bonus content at the end of Volume 2, there's also a bit about him having a massive t-shirt collection and not being able to get rid of them even when they don't fit him. Something about having empathy for inanimate objects and Collecting Things.

A collection of screencaps that also scream autism to me:

So basically if you've reached this point in the post and you're not convinced, I haven't done my job properly. You could probably give me any scene from the series and I could tell you how it contributes to my Nick is Autistic thesis.

Another note: I also think he has ADHD or at the very least struggles with executive function - doing his homework last-minute in the hallway, that bit in Nick and Charlie where he says he's shit at replying to text messages.

In summary, I love him and he's me, therefore he is autistic.

[train-whistles-at-night]

Here's a few nice (i think) hcs for you:

-300+ years of friendship has made the dead men experts at all sorts of karaoke singalong type things, like they're full on cordinated and stuff. If the sanctuary had karaoke nights they would be the most feared team because what they lack in talent they make up for in presentation and sheer commitment.

-Solomon Wreath seems like the type of guy to be really passionate about soap, like the type of fella to go to some lifestyle store to buy bar soap in funky shapes? Like he has that soap liker vibe?

- also since autistic Anton hc is epic and cool, how about Anton having different countries' languages/cultures/literature or something like that as one of his special interests? I think it would be neat since he's spent pretty much his whole life traveling and stuff (also sidenote how does this guy deal with having probably thousands of hours of jetlag. How does he survive)

Sorry these are all over the place, I hope you like them still

Sorry that these are a little odd I came up with them just now

I like these! they are all good!

I love "what they lack in talent they make up for in presentation and sheer commitment" bc it really is just "im gonna be honest some of them suck ass at singing HOWEVER they do really commit to the bit so it makes up for it"

I love Solomon Wreath- this is a man who loves decadence and soaps are a perfect thing for that. He likes nice soaps. He also has the really fun bathbombs (in polyclerics they mostly confuse but also delight craven and quiver)

Ur right Autistic Anton Is Epic And Cool- but yes! I think if nothing else he knows a few key phrases in pretty much every language of people who come in- if not knowing how to say them he can write/understand it

I have many headcanons about anton and the hotel- however for jetlag this man runs on 6 hours of sleep on average and when he is asleep he is dead to the world and that's how. unless it is clear it in an emergency this man will not wake up. nothing can bother him. not even god.