#also save the meow meows is the name of the actual program i used to adopt my cat lol

[a11eya]

TITLE: lights will guide you home

CHAPTER: 8

PAIRING: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

SUMMARY: Soul-lights aren’t as common in this day and age as they were in the past, before quirks, but they’re common enough that people do still find their soulmates.

At thirteen, you meet Bakugou Katsuki, and he lights up for you in orange and gold. You tell him he's your soulmate. He sneers and tells you that you aren't his. He makes your adolescence miserable until you part ways.

You meet again as adults, late at night, in a grocery store, over a pile of bok choy. He apologizes for how he treated you when you were children.

(In which you have a choice—to reject Bakugou's apology, reject him, or to let him show you the man he's become, to learn with him what it means to love and forgive.)

TAGS: soulmate au, trope inversion/subversion, slow burn, getting together, falling in love, fluff, aged up characters, pro-hero characters, eventual smut, mild bullying

NAVIGATION: Series Masterlist

Ikeda tells you that two of the pictures—only two!—you took of Bakugou are viable and that one of the videos is passable. It’s a little harsh, in your opinion, especially considering who your subject was. 

She also asks you for the name of the organization you used to foster the kittens. You tell her the organization name, and, a little sheepishly, that the adoption and foster program’s called Save the Meow Meows. It makes her laugh. 

“Next time, try to get Dynamight to smile, okay?” she says after her laughter dissolves into a grin, audible even over the phone. “He looks like he’s being held hostage in 90% of these.”

“I know. I tried, but you know how he is.” It takes a half-second for the entirety of her words to process. You blink. “Wait, next time?”

“Well, yeah!” she says, sounding amused. “This first post we just put up on Dynamight’s socials is already doing well, and your pictures with him at the pet store are in the rearview mirror. Who knew that people would like them so much? No accounting for taste, I suppose.” 

Well. You knew, the moment you saw Bakugou pick up Mikan. There’s one photo in particular that didn't make it to Dynamight’s social media because Mikan’s mid-motion in it, but something about Bakugou’s expression… You’ll never tell him, but the two of them together make such a pretty picture that you favorited it on your phone. 

You try to pay attention as Ikeda continues, “A couple more posts should suffice, so we need more photos with him in different clothes, maybe in a different spot in your apartment, individual shots with each kitten… and definitely better expressions. Only makes sense, right?”

“Right…”

“You can go ahead and let him know about the additional shoots; you did a great job of coordinating things between you. And good job wrangling him so far! Keep up the good work! ”

“Thanks,” you say, after a pause, to the dial tone. You wonder if Bakugou knows how much Ikeda dislikes him. 

Grimacing, you type out a message and send Bakugou the bad news. 

You: Hey. Just finished talking to Ikeda. She says we need to take more pictures 🙏

Not a minute passes before your phone begins vibrating in your hand. You eye it like it’s a snake and answer hesitantly. 

“…Hello?”

“What’dya mean, more pictures?” Bakugou snaps. 

“Literally, there are no other meanings for that statement.”

“Call her back and tell her to fuck off.”

“Bakugou,” you sigh in exasperation. “I’m not gonna tell her to fuck off. Also, she’s your PR person. If you have complaints, shouldn’t you tell her directly?”

“The fifty pictures you took weren’t enough?” he demands.

“She says we need to take pictures of you wearing different clothes, in different spots in my apartment, so it’s clear they happened on different days. She also says you need solos with each of the kittens. And that you need to smile.” 

Quietly, you mutter away from the receiver, “Like I told you to.”

Bakugou must have the ears of a bat because his tone lowers, dangerous. “What’d you say, brat? Come and say that to my face.”

“Make me,” you say immediately, then close your eyes, feeling embarrassed. He really does bring out an unfortunately childish side of you. 

The line goes silent.

You wait, wondering if you pissed him off. 

“Text me when you’re free this week,” he says abruptly. “I’ll come by for the damn pictures.”

He hangs up before you can reply. 

Bakugou: I’m outside. 

Standing from your couch, you walk over to your front door and pull it open.

“Hey,” you tell him, but you stop in confusion when you notice he has a duffle bag in one hand and a reusable bag, the kind you’d put groceries in, in the other. His expression is pinched when your eyes meet.

“Here,” Bakugou says, and shoves the reusable bag at you. You automatically grab at the handles and make a sound when he lets go; it’s heavy. 

“Gotta reschedule the dumb photos. I was called in for work,” he says. 

Bakugou steps back, clearly moving to leave, and you grab his wrist.  

“Hold on,” you say. You let your hand fall from him and raise the reusable bag. “What is this?”

“Nutrients instead of the garbage you usually have. Be grateful,” he tells you, baring his teeth in a mean smile. You make a face at him, instinctively, and the mean fades from his smile, shifting to an amused twist of his lips. He looks at you as if he’s going to say something more. He doesn’t. 

Bakugou turns and makes his way down the hallway. 

You stare at his back, then duck your head to look at the contents of the bag. 

There are several bentos in there, stacked neatly, easily a week’s worth of lunches. The ones at the top have sticky notes on them, labeled with a number and what looks like a list of ingredients. 

When it finally clicks what you’re holding, your eyes widen. 

You shove your feet into some slides, grabbing another shoe to hold your door open, and chase Bakugou down the hallway, lugging the bag with you.

“Bakugou, wait,” you call, catching up to him where he’s waiting at the elevator, duffle bag on the ground. 

He turns to look at you, eyes narrowed. You come to an abrupt halt in front of him and try to give him the bag back. 

Bakugou crosses his arms, a refusal. “The fuck are you doing?”

“I can’t accept this,” you say. “It’s so much food! And was probably a lot of work to make!”

“S’why you should shut up and keep it,” he growls. “Go back.”

You scrabble about for a more convincing argument. “You should keep it. You’re going to work, right? You need lunch!”

“Already got lunch. This shit’s just because I made extra meal prepping this week,” Bakugou says.

Your mouth opens, and you furrow your brow, looking down at the bag. Uncertain, now.

“If you don’t want it, toss it,” he tells you, rolling his eyes.

“I can’t do that,” you gasp, just as the elevator arrives and opens. 

One of your neighbors, coming back from walking her dog, blinks at the both of you from inside the elevator. 

You quickly step closer to where Bakugou’s standing so she can pass. Bakugou picks up his duffle bag so it isn’t in the way, and you exchange greeting smiles with your neighbor as she slips by. Her big dog stops to sniff at the bag you’re holding, no doubt detecting the food, but your neighbor tugs at the leash and away.

Feeling self-conscious now that you have an audience, even if she is getting further down the hall, you turn back to Bakugou. He’s looking at you already, an exasperated expression on his face.

“Stop being stubborn,” he says, mouth a downward slash. “Gotta go. Eat that shit or don’t. I don’t care.”

He steps into the elevator and jabs the button for the ground floor. He’s gone before you can come up with a response.

You stack the bentos in your fridge, taking care not to jostle them more than you had during your jog down the hallway. As you place the last one inside, you trace the edge of its lid thoughtfully.  

You weren’t sure, at first, why these bentos bothered you, why your first reaction was to try to give them back. But the longer you sit on it, the more clarity you have. 

You feel a little guilty, that Bakugou keeps doing things for you, giving you things. The feeling has been building, especially over the past couple weeks since you’ve been messaging him, talking to him. You talk to him nearly every day. You’ve learned he prefers phone calls to texts—not surprising, considering how brief his messages usually are. He’s become part of your routine, and you find yourself feeling like something’s missing when a day passes without a snarky message from him or a phone call where you update him on the kittens, despite his claims of disinterest. 

You don’t want him to think that you only want him around because he gives you things and does stuff for you. You hope nothing about you gives that impression. 

You’re not sure how to tell him this. It makes your stomach swoop, just thinking about bringing it up. Because you know you’ll have to tell him what you just realized: that you like him for who he is. That you like him in your life. That he doesn’t have to earn your time or attention or—or forgiveness with things or by doing things. 

At work the next day, you sit and eat in the break room for the first time in several weeks, nearly crying over your first bite of a bento. It’s so good.

You figured out the numbers on the sticky notes indicate the order in which you should eat the bentos. Even though the ingredients are listed on the notes, you’d been tempted to crack open each bento to see what you’ll be eating later in the week. But so far, you’ve been able to control yourself. It’s kind of nice. Like a little surprise to look forward to each day. 

You finger today’s sticky note, taking in the words crossing it. For some reason, you’d assumed Bakugou would have messy, wild handwriting. But the kanji are precise, neat. You wonder what he’s doing right now.

The break room door opens, and you look up to see a colleague from a different department.

“Hey!” he greets you, crossing the room to fill his water bottle at the fill station. He turns to face you as he waits, and you panic internally, struggling to remember his name. Sato? Suzuki? 

“Surprised to see you in here,” he remarks. “Usually you eat in your office.”

“Yeah!” you say. You had no idea he took so much notice of where you ate. When were you first introduced? A couple months back? You feel worse about not remembering his name. 

You give him a smile, hoping the guilt isn’t on your face. “Just felt like a change of pace today.”

“That bento looks good! Do you like to cook?” he asks.

“Oh! No, a friend made it for me.” Your smile shifts into something more genuine. “He said I’ve been eating garbage, so. His attempt at trying to make sure I don’t die prematurely, I guess.”

“Oh, gotcha,” Sato or Suzuki or something else entirely says, tone shifting, and he picks up his now-full water bottle and twists the cap back on. 

“Well, enjoy your lunch!” he says, waving goodbye as he leaves the break room. 

You stare at the closing door for a brief moment before shaking your head. You need to find out that guy’s name before you see him again. He totally clocked you for not recognizing him, because what was that weird look on his face as he left? You decide to ask your team—discreetly!—what his name is after your lunch break.

When you’re finished eating, you snap a picture of the empty bento and send it to Bakugou.

You: Thank you for the food! 🙏

You: You know, if you ever change your mind about the hero thing, I think you’d get a job as a chef, easy

After a moment, you decide to send another message. You want to bring up the thoughts you’d had the other day, about how you don’t want him to feel compelled to keep doing things for you, but you feel like it’s a conversation better had in-person. Or on the phone, at least. 

It takes you several minutes of deleting and drafting before you settle on something inadequate. 

You: Sorry I was so weird about it yesterday 

Standing abruptly, too chicken to wait to see if he replies, you clean up your area and get back to work. 

It’s at the end of the work day, on the train, when you check your messages again. A text from Bakugou is waiting for you in your inbox, and you’re definitely not nervous when you tap on it to read it.

Bakugou: Better be sorry. Next time, don’t be a brat about it

You exhale, huffing a laugh, relieved. You type out a response.

You: Yes, Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight sir 

He doesn’t reply. One thing about Bakugou is that he leaves his read receipts on—intentionally, you suspect, because it’s just like him to make sure you know he’s ignoring you, even through texts. It makes you grin.

The week passes, and you find yourself staring at a pile of empty bento boxes, hands on your hips.

You: Hey, when can I return the bento boxes? Washed them and everything!!

Bakugou: I’d fuckin’ hope so 

You: 😒

You: Should I drop them off at your agency? 

Bakugou: No, bring ‘em to my place

He sends you an address.

A part of you is a little relieved he’d suggested you not bring them to his agency. Thinking about it, going there to drop off a bag of empty bento boxes feels a little too… revealing. That people might see that you have the kind of relationship where he makes you lunch. You don’t want to cause trouble, especially since the pet store fiasco is just starting to fade from people’s memories. 

You: 👍

“Hi.” You feel a little out of place, standing in the hallway outside Bakugou’s apartment. You hold up the bag of bento boxes. “I brought the goods.”

Mentally, you’re kicking yourself. You’re always saying such dumb shit in front of him. 

Bakugou’s gives you a deadpan look, an I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that look. 

“Well don’t just stand there,” he says, and moves back to give you some room.

You step past the threshold, and he closes the door behind you. He grabs the bag from you and heads deeper into his apartment. Hurriedly, you toe off your shoes and follow him.

He’s gone into his kitchen, you realize, and he has a cabinet open, where he’s placing the bento boxes inside, one by one. He meets your gaze as he’s putting one away, and while maintaining eye contact with you, he opens one of them and makes a show of inspecting it for cleanliness.

“Very funny,” you say dryly. 

Bakugou barks out a laugh and you smile, despite yourself.

As he continues to put away the boxes, you take a moment to glance around his kitchen while he’s busy.

It’s big. It has some fancy-looking appliances you wouldn’t typically find in a home kitchen. The stove looks top-of-the-line, and you see an impressive-looking knife set displayed on the counter. There’s even a stand mixer in one corner. You wonder if Bakugou bakes. 

“Y’want water, tea?” he asks, closing the cabinet and turning to you.

“Oh, water’s fine, thanks,” you say. You’re chagrined; even Bakugou’s a better host than you are.

You lean your side against one of the counters, watching as he grabs a pair of glasses and fills them up. 

He’s the most dressed down you’ve ever seen him, in a faded shirt and worn pants that he easily could’ve slept in. His hair is nearly flat, falling in relaxed strands, softening him. All his edges are blunted, here, in his apartment.

You murmur a thank you as he gives you your water, and you subtly study his face as he drains his glass. He leans a hip against the counter. 

He looks a little tired, slight bags under his eyes. The way he’s holding himself is relaxed, but his shoulders slant, droop in a way you haven’t seen before. When he leans over to place his cup in the sink, his shirt lifts a little, exposing a glimpse of skin and the lip of his boxers rising above the waistband of his pants. His lights are gentle swirls around him, bathing him in a soft glow. 

He’s handsome, it dawns on you. The thought flusters you, and heat begins to rise to your cheeks. 

What the hell? You’ve seen him in casual clothes; you’ve seen him in his hero suit. Objectively, people are more attractive when put together, right? Presentable. There’s nothing about him, now, that you should find attractive. He’s just some guy, standing in his kitchen.

But Bakugou in his off mode, at home, does something to you. It’s like wires rearrange in your head, and you can’t stop looking at him. 

“Hey,” you say—anything to leave this train of thought behind, because nope. “Thanks again for the food. This week was the best I’ve eaten, like ever.”

“You’re damn right it was,” he says, and you roll your eyes, smiling. 

“Alright, alright, Mr. Ego. I did want to talk about something else, too, while I’m here. If you have a minute.” By the time you’re finished talking, a serious note you’re unable to help has crept into your voice. 

An expression you’re unable to decipher flickers across his face. Bakugou crosses his arms. “Spit it out.”

You put your glass down on the counter, fiddling with it. Stalling, you realize. 

“I want you to know… you don’t have to do all this for me, okay?” you say, glancing up at him. 

His eyes narrow. 

You continue, hurriedly, to clarify. “I mean, like buying me the couch protectors, or making me lunches. I appreciate it all, I do.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Bakugou says, a little growl on the end of his sentence. 

“I just don’t want you thinking you need to do these things for me,” you say, voice faltering, quieting. “Even if you don’t cook me another meal, or buy me a single thing, ever, that’s fine with me.” 

Please understand, you will to him, watching him. Your thoughts feel clumsy, your words clumsier, like it’s a monumental effort just to string two sentences together. You can’t find the words to tell him what you mean: that you think he’s funny when he quips at you and that you know he’s observant, thoughtful. That you like talking to him, spending time with him. It’s enough.

Maybe you have found the words, but you can’t say them aloud just yet. Not yet.

“I know I don’t need to do shit. I only do shit I wanna do,” Bakugou says gruffly.

You open your mouth to argue, to try again to make sure he understands you, but he interrupts, puts a hand on your head. He’s a little rough, but his hand is warm. Reassuring. There’s a softness in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. You could fall into them, like this. 

“You think too much,” he tells you, but peering into his face—you think he’s heard you, loud and clear. 

You do think too much, you acknowledge on the train ride home. 

You’d left his apartment soon after your conversation; he’d needed to get ready for work. But your thoughts still buzz with him. 

You think about how the shape of your life has changed with him in it, within just a couple weeks. You think about the fact that he’s your soulmate but you’re not his, how this is something that can’t be changed, no matter how well you get to know Bakugou and how well he gets to know you. It’s been a long time since this—that you can see his lights but he can’t see yours—bothered you. You thought you’d accepted it, moved on from it. 

It really, really bothers you.

[hongnanglen-arina]

ASMR | Kwon Soonyoung/Hoshi

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Hoshi x fem reader

Warnings: sexual content

Words: 3.6k

A/N: Hi there! Before my angsty Shua fic will drop, have this one first hehe. As always, English isn’t my first language so excuse my grammar ♡

⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━ ⋅𖥔⋅

Your ASMR blog was well known. It was your hobby.

At least twice a week there was an update for your followers.

If people were asked about ASMR, they would think of mukbang first, right?

But your blog offered a different kind of ASMR.

No one knew who you were in reality except your closest friends. And of course, your boyfriend.

There was never a video. Just sound. Of you having fun.

Getting out of the shower, all nice and clean was the best feeling. Or was it to reach your orgasm after a long denial? You stopped midway to your bedroom, coke in one hand as you cocked your head to the side, not sure which one was better. There were often such dialogues going on in your head. It just showed you how crazy your mind was. Not only did you look sweet and innocent to everyone who didn’t know you and saw you on the street but deep inside you were a kinky little vixen which your friends and boyfriend knew.

You took a big gulp of your drink and hummed happily. Your boyfriend should arrive at any minute. Today was another special schedule for your blog. 

When you sat down in front of your laptop, you opened your blog. After stating it, you’ve gotten a lot of followers. Some even called themselves fans. It always made you giggle. How could anyone be a fan of just a voice? Because no one had ever seen your face nor real name on the internet. For you it was funny especially reading that they used your audio recordings for other purposes. Dirty purposes.

You loved to scroll through the comment section of your blog. Reading all those filthy confessions often turned you on for another recording. Also it gave you a boost in confidence.

Speaking of your recordings. The audio files that you uploaded on your site were recordings of you pleasuring yourself. Moaning into the microphone or cursing how good it felt. There were never names, long dialogues or any other interactions with the people you uploaded it for.

Since you’ve started, you had a total of 86 files online and over 40 saved on your hard drive that you still had to edit. Why you were doing it? Maybe for the kick. The fact to know that people would hear how you were climbing up the ladder to your orgasm really heightened the pleasure. And it satisfied you a lot, every time you read the comments cheering you on.

The day you uploaded a file of you and your boyfriend having sex, your blog nearly exploded. The reason why he was included was because he just lost a bet at a party with your friends. Everyone was already drunk when a table tennis session began and Soonyoung was more than sure to win against Jun. If Jun had lost, he had to run down the street in the middle of the night, naked and meowing loudly. But as much as you would have loved to see that happening, your boyfriend Soonyoung lost, making him automatically the next special surprise on your blog. 

Yes, your best friends knew about your hobby. Some had listened to your recordings and at the beginning your friendship was a little strange. Especially with Minghao, who was forced to listen when his roommate started one of the files. He always avoided eye contact with you but when you got together with Soonyoung, it slowly became better. And now, almost a year later, they all had gotten used to it and even made fun about your blog from time to time or teased you. But better like this than being confronted with a shy and awkward Minghao again.

Yesterday you announced the special surprise what you were going to record today and promised the file to be up by next sunday. And as always with your couple recordings, the comment section went wild. Some of them gave Soonyoung the nickname ‘tiger’ because sometimes he would make similar noises all of a sudden. He gave that nickname his approval and you knew how much he loved it as he called himself like that ever since.

You giggled at the comments while you were waiting for your boyfriend to arrive.

- The return of the tiger! Raise your hands y’all!!

- He should be in it more often. God he sounds so fucking hot!

- Hearing you two together is so filthy. I love it!!

- Can he tease you until you are a mess again and beg?

- Can’t wait for his raspy rawwwwrrrs hehe (;

- How about you edge him this time??? Pretty please?

Hearing the keys, you quickly got up and ran towards the door to see Soonyoung standing there dressed in all black, pushing his shoes to the side with one foot and taking off his black snapback. Biting your lower lip, you hissed softly, locking eyes with him.

“Okay, damn.. you look hot.”

“When don’t I?”

You snorted playfully but made your way closer to him anyways, immediately being pulled in a deep kiss. One hand held you close against his chest while the other squeezed your ass, you felt him smirk against your lips. “Hope my little kitten is ready for her tiger.” The grip on his leather jacket tightened when his teeth grazed your neck, sucking your sensitive spot just below your ear. “Always,” you sighted with closed eyes.

“Good.” He pulled back, licking his lips as he took your hand and led you to the bedroom.

Following him, he made you sit on the bed as he opened the recording program on your laptop. In the past, he often made it for you so he knew where to click. Adjusting the microphone beside the bed, he made sure that it was working before joining you.

You saw the red light on your microphone and smiled at him approvingly, giving him a quick kiss as a reward. When you are about to pull away, he grabbed your hip and held you in place, connecting your lips with his again. Effortless his tongue slipped past through your teeth as you gasped, his hand massaging your exposed thigh.

Actually, your plan was to tease him first and then to make him lose his mind while he’s tied up on your bed but the way your boyfriend was kissing you right now made you weak and unable to stick to your previous plan. His musky perfume filled your senses, combined with his tongue dancing with yours, it made you breathless. He was needy and so were you.

Pushing him back against the headboard, he looked at you, mouth open and chest heaving slightly, eyes hooded. You smiled and removed the leather jacket and black turtle neck, leaving his dark hair messy and in this very moment he looked adorable to you if it wasn’t for his eyes which gave you a lustful gaze. Leaving your eyes roam over his exposed chest and abs, you asked yourself how you had survived all those years without your boyfriend.

You were on your knees in front of him, dressed in a short silky negligee. Soonyoung groaned at the sight of you. “Help me out of my pants and sit on my lap, baby.” Your eyes widened and you automatically covered his lips with your hand but he only lifted one eye brow and shrugged. Normally you wouldn’t give long commands like this but that meant you may have to cut it out of the recording later. Or not. Doing what you were told, your fingers opened his denim jeans and pulled them off his legs.

A shuffling of the blankets can be heard and you sat down on his lap, your hands on his shoulders as you sink down, feeling his warmth against your core. You felt the urge to move but you wanted to get your approval first. Normally you were more the submissive type of girl in the relationship with Soonyoung but once in a while he would gave you the control. Today didn’t seem like this when his hands were back on your hips, making you move back and forth on him.

“O-ohh..” was all you said, staggered and weak, feeling his clothed cock rub against the thin fabrics of your already wet panties. Continuing on moving on him, you kept eye contact with your boyfriend whose lifted one hand to brush lovingly over your cheek, mouthing ‘i love you’. You smiled and silently said it back before leaning in to kiss him again. 

One thing you loved a lot during foreplay was when Soonyoung massaged your ass. How he roughly kneaded the flesh and spread the cheeks, causing your folds to spread as well. And the feeling of them being slick and sticky while he would do that, turned you on. On top of that you were sitting on his lap at the moment, riding him, knowing too well that with each passing second, your juice would soak his underwear more and more. 

Holding your face in place, his kisses went from the corner of your mouth to your blushed cheek, further to your earlobe and lower to your neck, leaving open mouthed kisses everywhere his mouth would reach, sometimes sucking softly at the spots he knew you liked, resulting him to receive moans from his girlfriend. He wanted your reactions to be louder. Not only for the recording but also for himself. He just needed the confirmation that he was doing the right thing. While Soonyoung bit down on your shoulder, his hand left your face and before you could ask, his thumb hook under the strap of your negligee, letting it slid down your arm and exposing your breast. He placed his hand on your mound and started kneading it.

Gasping, your hands found his hair and while your hips were still rocking back and forth on him, you tugged at his strands, causing him to let out a low groan. You felt his fingertips pinch your nipple and you arched your back, asking for more as your chest pushed into his hand. Soonyoung smirked against your collarbone and without a warning, he smacked your ass, filling the room with a loud sound and followed by your surprised yelp.

You had to stop yourself from saying your boyfriend’s name out loud. Soonyoung noticed it and chuckled before grabbing the hem of your soft gown and pulling it over your head. The moment the cold room temperature made contact with your heated body, a cold shiver ran down your spine and Soonyoung watched how your nipples slowly hardened at the cold air. Carefully taking one of your arms, he kissed over your goosebumps, his eyes telling you that you won’t feel cold much longer and you gave him a nod.

He motioned you to get up so that you two could remove the last piece of clothes on your bodies. Once it was done, you got a condom from the night stand but when you started to rip it open, you heard your boyfriend make a disapproving noise. “Uh uh….” pointing at his lap, he wanted you to sit down again. Without aligning himself, you got into your previous position and moved your hips again but now the feeling was more intense without the fabrics in the way. Letting your wet folds spread your juice along his erect cock felt amazing. 

Faint curses left both of your lips as his grip on your ass tighten, spreading your cheeks again and with every motion, you felt your clit rub delicately against his pelvis. While your body shivered with pleasure, Soonyoung enjoyed the view you were offering his dark eyes. He could watch you like this all the time and he really loved the soft mewls you made for him.

Whenever he was alone at his home and felt horny, he would open your blog on his phone and listen to one of your recordings as he would pump himself. He saved two of you getting off with a vibrator. Those recordings were gold in his opinion because the microphone seemed right beside your mouth so the sound from the toy wasn’t too loud and he could enjoy your moans to the fullest. Although those recordings would often be very short because of course you knew the best where to stimulate to get off. And if you reached your orgasm fast, he knew how horny you were since you were bad in edging yourself. You were too weak. Whenever you wanted something, you wanted it as soon as possible. The only person who could tease you and still hear a sincere ‘I love you’ afterwards was him. Only him. 

With another smack on your ass, his hands found their way to your chest, now massaging your breasts with both hands and connecting your mouthes again. Taking your lower lip between his teeth, he groaned lowly, heightening your arousal even more. 

“Ahh… baby….” you whined as you wanted more, still thinking of the condom beside your leg that was halfway ripped open. Soonyoung didn’t have to ask because he knew exactly what you wanted. Even though he wanted to tease you more, he felt a little impatient himself so he took the foil package and ripped it open. 

Hearing it, you automatically stopped and lifted yourself so he could put the condom on. Seeing him do that, your mouth watered. You felt thankful that Soonyoung chose not to tease you today. You wanted to feel the delicious stretch and now you could finally get it. 

“Get it, kitten.” He licked his lip while pumping himself, waiting for you to move and sink down on him. You didn’t need another word from him as you quickly moved and shuddered when the tip of his cock nudged your entrance, holding tightly onto his shoulders. You swallowed thickly before moving a little lower, feeling the head push in and out a little. It was like an unspoken ritual between the two of you. A little taste of what was to come. After a couple of seconds, you finally sank down on him with a high pitched gasp. Soonyoung let his head rest on the headboard, his neck on full display for you as you saw his adam’s apple bob up and down. He tried his best to suppress his swearings. No matter how often you two fucked each other, he would never get enough of this feeling. The feeling of your bodies being intertwined. Connected in the best way possible. 

He couldn’t explain how you would still be this tight even after your longest session of 3 hours a year ago. Long teasing, long edging, the roles switched several times, there was the use of different toys, even a bigger dildo than his size but your walls would still swallow his cock the same way it did when you two had your first time. 

After adjusting to him, you started riding him, switching from jumping up and down and rocking back and forth whenever your thighs started to burn. You put your hands on his chest and slowly scratched over it with your fingernails, causing him to snap his head and look at you with such a dark expression that you could have come right then and there. His eyes were half covered with his bangs as his eyes traveled lower to your breasts, leaning forward to take one of your nipples in his mouth and immediately sucking at it harshly, making you moan and wrapping your arms around his head. His other hand was pinching your other nipple and you had a difficult time to keep your rhythm. 

You felt your sensitive nub rub against Soonyoung’s pelvis and the familiar fire became stronger. “F-fuck… just like that.” You couldn’t recognize your own voice. It was much higher. And then again, originally you wanted to have control today. You would agree instantly if anyone would ask you if you were sex addicted. Because sex with Soonyoung was the best you’ve ever had. He always made sure that you felt the same pleasure as him. That you would come the same amount as him or even more often. He wasn’t selfish at all and loved to make you feel good.

He bit down on your mound, making you whine surprised when suddenly he flipped you over so he was now hovering over you, smirking down. His lustful gaze made you instinctually press your thighs together to feel some friction but you couldn’t since his legs were between them. Carefully taking your hands and placing them above your head, he held them secure with one arm as he slowly pushed inside of you again. Your moans were swallowed in a heated kiss, Soonyoung didn’t waste any time because he instantly moved in and out if you, giving the penetration you needed and could never do the same when you were on top. It was less friction on your clit but when he wanted, he would hit that specific spot deep within that made you see stars. But for that, he had to thrust upwards a little.

The room was filled with noises of skin smacking against skin, your whines and his low moans. Also the bed which was slightly squeaking with every hard thrust. His cock slid in and out of your warm walls like the missing piece of a jigsaw. He fit perfectly and knew how to make you lose your mind. 2 years ago he told you that he could make you come without moving inside of you and he succeeded. First you were laughing over his words but when he continued to whisper filthy things in your ear, you got more and more aroused until you came with a high pitched scream of his name. He owned such power over you.

The moment you heard him growl like a tiger, you felt his teeth sink down on your neck and with a broken yelp, you arched your back, causing him to hit your g-spot with his next thrust and you choked on your own spit, not knowing if you wanted to get away or more of it. It felt too much to handle but at the same time you wanted more. His tongue licked over the bite mark, soothing the sting before sucking at another spot. Your body was covered in a thin layer of sweat and so was his. Soonyoung’s hips kept snapping against you, resulting in your moans rising in pitch. “You… feel so good…” he breathed hotly against your skin as he thrusted upwards, now without a break, over and over. 

You gasped loudly and absentmindedly fought against his grip on your wrists, feeling the tension getting stronger. Your orgasm was close. Squeezing your eyes shut, your thighs started to shake while your boyfriend still fucked you hard and deep, chasing his own release. The way your walls literally sucked in his cock and how your legs were trembling made Soonyoung more than proud. That was his girl. His pretty little vixen. 

Getting onto his knees, he grabbed your hips and fucked you in such a force, you had to silence your screams against the back of your hand which was secured over your mouth, your knuckles turning white as your other hand nearly ripped your sheets. Right before Soonyoung came, he licked his thumb and placed it on your clit, giving you the final stimulation before you two came almost at the same time, your walls milking him relentlessly. He felt how more and more cum filled the condom he was wearing, his abs twitching with every squirt. 

Your legs couldn’t stop shaking even when Soonyoung slowed down his movements until he came to a halt. You both tried to catch your breaths, unable to speak. Neither of you moved for a while until he carefully pulled out of you, rubbing soothing circles over your hip. A soft shine left your lips when you felt empty again. 

Your boyfriend rolled on his back beside you, a satisfied expression on his face. It took you a moment until your breathing was almost normal again and you felt the black haired boy next to you shift, making you open your eyes and look at him. He softly covered your arm with kisses until he reached your shoulder and nuzzled his face cutely against it like a cat. “It was amazing. It always is with you.”

Making a kissing face, he understood and gave you one. When your lips separated, your two smiled at each other. You loved him with every fibre in your body. The sweaty hair that was sticking at his face didn’t make him less attractive, instead it made Soonyoung even sexier. 

Shaking you out of your lovey-dovey thoughts, he cocked his head to the microphone and you made an understanding noise. Slowly getting up as your legs and core were still sore.

You turned off the recording program and watched how the red light slowly faded. Soonyoung was propped on his elbows, his eyes on his softening cock. “You told me before that it’s addictive to update your blog and I have to agree. It’s like having sex in public but at the same time, it isn’t. Although….” He poked his cock, his finger touching the white fluid outside and inside the condom. “I wouldn’t mind, trying that out one day.” He looked at your back when you turned around to face him, a mischievous smile on your still swollen lips. “Me neither.”

Soonyoung clicked his tongue and winked at you, making you giggle. “Next time?”

[palettes-and-prompts]

Prompts Based on the Song Cotard's Solution (Anatta, Dukkha, Anicca) by Will Wood & The Tapeworms

Dialogue Prompts

1) "Computer...is there any sign of life today?" "No, Ma'am/Sir. Not today." 2) "It's me and you again today computer. I suppose I should give you a name, after all it's just been me and you for the past...how many days has it been now?" "One thousand four hundred and fifty-six." "It's really been that long?" "Yes,  Sir/Ma'am." "What would you like to be called? Do you have a favorite name?" "Is Clara an acceptable name." "Yeah. I think Clara is a perfect name for you." 3) "Get the ship ready. We're making a break for it." 4) "Five thousand gold says my ship is faster than yours." "That pitiful excuse for a ship?" "If you don't believe me then race me to that floater and back." "Hah, My ship would outrun it twice before you made it back." "Don't say it if you aren't ready to put your money where your mouth is." "Fine, I'll even up the stakes. If you win I'll give you twenty thousand gold and I'll help you find your stupid diamond." "And if you win?" "I get to put that ship of yours out of its misery. Deal?" "Deal." 5) "Hey, kid?" "Yeah?" "Don't let them take you alive." 6) "Relax." "How can I relax? You've been shot!" "The bullet's not in me. Just give that alcohol would you?" "Are you going to use it to disinfect the wound?" "No. I'm going to drink it. I've just been fucking shot!" 7) "Person A?" "Yeah?" "Gun it!" "The ship doesn't have enough gas, we might not make it!" "That's a risk we're going to have to take or we're going to get killed or arrested by these bounty hunters. Now fucking gun it!" 8) "Did you just get us lost in space?" "No." "We've passed by the same asteroid ten times." "How do you know that? They all look different." "Every time we pass that asteroid you laugh and go, 'that asteroid looks like a dick!'" "It does." "I KNOW BECAUSE WE'VE PASSED IT TEN FUCKING TIMES ALREADY!" 9) "Are you high right now?" "I'm about to fucking be." "Is this cocaine?!" "No. It's space cocaine, that's why it's hot pink." "That somehow makes me more worried. What the fuck is space cocaine?" "Instead of making it with like gasoline or whatever they make it with rocket fuel and like, space crystals." "Okay, now, I'm not a doctor or a scientist but I'm actually a hundred percent certain if you snort that you will not only not wake up tomorrow, I'm not sure if you'll wake up at all." "Only one way to find out. Time to go skiing, baby!" "No don't snor--" "Fuck me this shit kicks fast." "Jesus fucking Christ you're going to die." "Don't be a buzzkill, Person A." 10) "Remember when you told me not to steal that space cat. Why did you tell me not to do that again?" "Because it's a parasite that feeds off love and can kill you if it bonds with you." "Right, yes, I remember now." "...Why do you bring it up?" "No reason." "Mhmm, and why is your jacket moving and also glowing blue along with your eyes?" "I smoked drugs." "You smoked drugs?" "You know me, I do those things." "Okay, and why is your jacket meowing?" "Because you also smoked drugs." "Did you steal the space cat?" "Are you going to yell at me?" "I honestly don't have the energy anymore. Let me take you to the hospital."

Regular Prompts

1) Person A is forgotten in space but has faith their friends will return for them. When they don't return A finds their own way to another planet, almost dying in the process, where the people there are unkind but tolerate A. Person A finds work and gains enough money to have someone search for their friends. They think something happened to their ship in space but the investigator manages to find out they didn't forget them but rather left them behind hoping they would die. A is hurt and their sadness turns to anger. A gets a weapon and learns to shoot before hiring a bounty hunter to take them and help them carry out their revenge. A then hunts their 'friends' down one by one. 2) Person A is a space racer and uses their ability to navigate through asteroid belts to steal whatever they want. When they steal a certain shipment they find a stowaway child, Person B, who had hidden in the crates. Before they can take them back the child admits they don't have a home to go back to. Person A slowly becomes a parental figure or older brother/sister figure to the child and decides to teach them everything they know including racing while continuing to tell them that space is no place for a kid. After a while Person B tells A they don't have to take care of them anymore and that they can leave them at the next planet they come to. When they get to the next planet Person A and B complete a job and A has some paperwork done while B is gathering their things. As B says goodbye, Person A tells them to get back on the ship. When they claim that Person A doesn't need them anymore, A shows Person B the paperwork showing that they're now Person B's legal guardian and that they're taking care of them now. The two hug and the story ends with them about to steal space diamonds off another ship quickly in order to take B to their first big race. 3) Person A feels lost on Earth but when they find a space ship after it crashes they find a small creature inside. When they realize it's the equivalent of an Earth toddler they search the ship for answers. The creature gets attached to A and they soon name the creature Pip. Pip is able to give abilities to Person A and allow them to read their language, which helps them realize the coordinates on screen are to find Pip's family. Person A and Pip then navigate space and end up having to make a few stops along the way to fuel up. They meet a few people who try to steal Pip because they're a creature hunted to near extinction because they're able to excrete jewels whenever they eat/drink/sweat. A is able to safely navigate through different conditions and even meet a few people who want to help along the way. They finally get to Pip's new planet and return them to their parents and A, along with their new friends, are allowed to stay on the new planet and for the first time in years A realizes they no longer feel lost. 4) A and B are two friends who grew up wanting to join their space program to travel the galaxies but find out the program is making them into perfect soldiers to fight in an alien war that no one is aware of but the people running the program. The two rebel and inform all the students of what's going on. When the teachers and instructors in charge find out they begin using a gas to brainwash people into being soldiers whether they like it or not and decide to lock down the building one way or another. A and B manage to escape on a ship with some supplies but have no idea where to go or what to do. They eventually wander far enough to find a small planet and soon they meet others who are aware of Earth's intentions to take over the galaxy as their own. A and B spend the whole time trying to get others see that Earth isn't the problem and that it's the leaders of the program who need to be stopped. They figure out a way to cancel out the effects of the gas they're using to brainwash them and they, along with an army of others set out to take down the leaders and save their friends and the galaxy. 5) A finds a crystal that's sentient. It helps them build a body from scrap parts, forming Person B. But when the body can do everything but experience touch, taste, and smell the two work together to figure out a way for B to get a human body without killing someone. They discover a lab that specializes in growing cells for transplants so people can have fully functioning arms without prosthetics and they find out there are full bodies growing in the basement that would be perfect for B. When the price is incredibly expensive they ask if there's another way to get it. The owner, Person C, tells them if they can find their kidnapped 'daughter', Polly, they'll let Person B have the body in exchange for her safe return. A and B travel and eventually find her. Her 'kidnappers' admit they took her but tell A and B they did it because C was using Polly's DNA to create the female bodies, poking and prodding her every day for more and more blood and tissue. A and B can't bring themselves to take her back to C. Person C finds them anyway and kills the kidnappers, taking Polly back to the lab. A and B decide to go back and, using one of the mechanical bodies A built B, they manage to kill Person C and save Polly. The full bodies are destroyed except for one which was made using the DNA of Polly's real mother/father. Polly tells them she doesn't remember her mother/father and that it's okay wit her if B takes it as their own. When B is human the first thing they do is hug Polly and thank her. A and B then adopt Polly and live happily together as her guardians. (Whether A and B are romantically involved is up to you.)

[lurafita]

Kitten Peter!

Go here for the post that started it: Plot Bunny  - you actually need to read this if you haven’t already, if you want to read on under the cut.

I was very surprised how many people actually liked the idea, so I decided to make a little series out of it! Suggestions and prompts are welcome! The previous prompt about the Avengers meeting kitty Peter and Pete not liking Steve very much is already being incorporated (haven’t forgotten you, anon ;-) )

Lets fill in some background that I'm too lazy to write out.

-Civil War did not and will not happen, but there has been a rift in the Avengers team by the time Tony finds kitty Peter (when Peter saves him from the mugger).

-This was caused by the ending of Tony and Steve's relationship. They had been together for a while, but then the Winter Soldier happened and Steve realized that Bucky was still alive.

-The fact that the Winter Soldier killed Tony's parents came to light, but under different circumstances that didn't lead to a direct, physical confrontation between the three.

-Steve decided to stay in Wakanda with Bucky, during the removal of Hydra's programming.

-In that time, even though he and Tony were still an item (though Tony was understandably upset that his boyfriend chose to be on another continent with hardly a phone call for weeks), Steve slept with Bucky.

-When Steve and Bucky return to the US, Steve breaks up with Tony.

-Tony feels used and that he had been a stand-in for Barnes all this time.

-When Steve says he wants Bucky to join the Avengers as well, it's the last straw for Tony.

-He blows up spectacularly and resigns (temporarily) from the Avengers.

-The team (except for Steve and Bucky) is allowed to keep their living spaces in the tower, but any and all Avengers business is to be had at the compound.

-Since they need to train regularly and have many missions, the team spends most of their time at the compound as a consequence. (Unintentionally isolating Tony from them. But don’t worry! He has kitty Petey now!)

-While the team isn't happy with Steve for the way he handled things with Tony, there is no bad blood between them. (This is the reason why inner team relationships are discouraged, after all. If one ends on bad terms, the whole team dynamic is in jeopardy. Steve is still a good team captain and a good friend, he just really messed up with Tony.)

-They understand that Tony needs some distance, and hope that time will heal this particular wound.

Okay! Let's start the story!

A loud and quite pitiful 'meow' had Tony looking up towards the huge bookshelf, upon entering the living room.

And there, right at the top of the almost three meter high shelf, sat Peter, his fluffy, little kitten, hunched in on himself.

"Petey, we talked about this. Don't climb stuff if you can't get down again."

The tiny kitty fixed his huge, adorable eyes on the billionaire and gave another pitiful sounding 'meow'.

Tony sighed in defeat.

"Don't know why they are called puppy eyes. You got those mutts beat by a mile. Hang on, Pete."

He quickly strode to the side of the bookshelf and grabbed the ladder.

"Why do I even own this thing? No one ever reads the books at the top. Just a stupid dust collector."

As if on cue, Peter let out a little sneeze. Tony smirked.

"If you rolled around up there, you better believe you’re gonna deal with that yourself. I'm not gonna try bathing you again. Last time was traumatizing enough."

The memory actually had him shivering a little. As soon as he had reached the top, Tony held out a hand for Peter, and the little kitten cuddled right into it. The billionaire's heart melted a little every time he realized how tiny his little Peter really was. He could probably close his hand entirely around the fluffy body.

After making his way back down, purring kitten carefully cradled against his chest, Tony headed for his lab.

"Alright Petey. We have a full day of mechanics ahead of us. First a few improvements to the propulsors on my suit. Don't worry, I'll not do any test runs with you there."

The first time Tony was testing out his suit's flight capabilities with the kitten in the room, Peter had run along the table he had been resting on and knocked everything off it. And he hadn't stopped until Tony's feet were safely back on the ground. A second and third flight test bore the same results. At first Tony had thought his kitten was scared of the suit, but Peter never had a problem when Tony tested any of the other functions. Only the flying and hovering above ground seemed to alarm the little fluff ball for whatever reason.

"Then we are gonna work out the kinks in the clear water system that were reported," he paused to scratch Peter under his chin, to which the kitten wiggled happily in his palm, "and then you can have a re-match with 'the captain'."

The name ignited an immediate response in Peter, as the kitten quickly turned around to look over his human's hand, ears perked up, little head swiveling from side to side, and a low hiss building up in his throat. Tony watched with an amused grin. 'The Captain' was what Tony had named the old roomba with the Captain America color scheme, that he had bought as a gag gift for Steve, when they had first gotten together. It was a pretty useless device, not having the motor power needed to suck up some of the bigger stuff on the floor, and a rather poor battery life. He should have probably thrown it out (or blasted it with a repulsor), when Steve came back to New York waving his new/old boyfriend in his face, and ended their relationship.

At first he had gotten some petty satisfaction in watching the roomba (that he mentally linked to Steve) roll around and clean up his dirty floor.

'That's right, suck it up you fucking cheater!'

When he had started taking Peter into the lab with him, and 'the captain' had started its bumbling roll among the floor, the little kitten had developed an instant hatred for the roomba.

Peter 'fought' the captain every time the thing came out of it's charging station. Whenever Peter felt he had come out the winner of these 'battles', he would hop on top of the captain and let himself be carried around for a victory lap. All the while looking as regal and proud as a tiny little ball of fluff was capable of.

It was as cute as it was hilarious and Tony had a few dozen videos of it saved away.

He resumed his chin scratches to calm the agitated kitty down again, and exited the elevator into his private lab.

"Now, Pete, don't you go climbing up the shelves again. That's where I put all the dangerous things, that adorable little furballs should not stick their whiskers in."

He pointed a threatening finger at Peter's nose. Peter batted at it with a paw.

"I mean it. Dum-E is armed with the fire extinguisher and he will spray you if you try to get your furry little butt any higher than the table."

Another small hiss. Peter liked playing with the robots, but he hated being sprayed with the fire extinguisher. (Fearing that the kitten would get sick from licking his fur clean, Tony had outfitted Dum-E with a special extinguisher filled with foamy cat shampoo)

The lab was actually not that hazardous of a place to be for a little kitten, after Tony had removed anything potentially dangerous from easy reach, that is.

All chemicals were stored in specially sealed and reinforced containers, that wouldn't break easily, no matter how many times Peter's paws pushed them over the table's edge.

The soldering equipment needed a certain sequence of button pushing before it activated, and even then a human adult hand was required to reach and press down on the trigger.

Most of the fine tuning on his engineering projects was done via holographic input, and his automated robot arms would do the heavy lifting behind a thick glass cylinder, that Peter couldn't climb.

Whenever Tony needed to do something himself, he had a specially made enclosure he would put Peter in, that would keep the feline safe from harm.

As Tony worked, Peter amused himself by climbing Butterfingers and U, being chased around by Dum-E, climbing up on Tony and rubbing his body along the man's beard, batting at any hologram the genius had pop up, and looking for all the little snacks Tony kept hiding for him in the nooks and crannies of the lab.

Peter was just about to take a well deserved nap on Tony's lap, when the man started looking around the table.

"Where is that stupid pen?"

Peter perked up at the words, jumped off his human's lap, and raced to one of the crates that held his toys. He dove in head first, shuffled around a little, and then emerged with a gold and red pen in his mouth. He raced back to his human, scrambled up the pant leg, hopped onto the table, and proudly dropped the pen beside his human's hand.

Tony's look was a mixture of stunned and incredulous.

"Did you steal and hide my pen?"

The little kitten bumped his head against the hand on the table.

"Oh, and now you want me to pet you for bringing back the pen you stole?"

Despite his words, Tony did just that.

"That's probably how the term 'cat burglar' was born. You adorable little thief."

Peter was a house cat and the tower had no mice. He had to find some way to bring his human little gifts, okay?

Tony didn't actually need to write anything down, he just liked twirling the pen between his fingers when trying to figure out a particular issue with his tech. He gave Peter another rub behind the ears and then picked up the pen. Peter settled back into his lap, kneaded his thighs a bit, walked in a little circle, and finally settled down for his nap.

The moment’s tranquility was broken by Pepper's sudden entrance.

"How come the owner of the world's leading tech-company never bothers to check his phone?"

She came to a stop before his work station and crossed her arms under her chest, an annoyed, but also worried frown on her face.

Tony lifted up his arms in a show of innocence and pointed at his lap.

"Sorry Pep. Petey has me pinned down, you see? Couldn't have gotten to my phone without waking him."

Pepper rolled her eyes.

"Yes, you seem incredibly regretful. Never mind that. Rhodey called. There is a mission on the horizon that needs Iron Man. The team is going to be here tomorrow, for further briefing, preparation and training."

Well, shit.

[profoundnet]

Header by @cryptomoon and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in their entirety during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR SEPTEMBER 2019!

Featuring works from Arielaquariel, @saywhatjessie, @nickelkeep, @mittensmorgul, @andimeantittosting, @banshee1013, hvnlyangel80, @wingsandimpalas, and @lunastories!

Masterpost below the cut.

Arielaquarial - ArielAquariel

The Proper Care and Feeding of Houseplants (G, 9.5k)

Cas is a YouTuber who makes videos primarily about plants. Dean is the unwilling recipient of a fern. Despite his mediocre efforts to keep the thing alive, it's only a week before its knocking on death's door. Desperate to save it before his brother finds out, he stumbles onto Cas's youtube channel.

Tags: Meet cute, youtuber castiel, Missouri always knows, alternate universe, fluff

JessJesstheBest - @saywhatjessie - JessJesstheBest

He’s a Little Bit Country (T, 8.5k)

"Tell me what we’re doing here today, Clarence.” Castiel shifted on his feet, moodily, but answered her in a grumble. “We’re putting on a concert benefit for Planned Parenthood.” “Right! And why is that?” “Because this country is run by a monster who is trying to take away the reproductive rights of women and we need to raise money to continue to fund our program which helps women have agency in their own bodies." Or the one where Castiel, as part of planned parenthood, puts on a joint punk and country benefit concert where he meets Dean Winchester, the handsome country enthusiast who is also an asshole.

Tags: Ace!Cas, Punk!Cas, Planned Parenthood, Cas has tattoos and wears makeup

Hey Baby (Uhh, Ahh) (G, 3.5k)

He had a pretty significant following already from NXT but… this was the big leagues. This was Monday Night RAW. To make his prime time debut during the Monday Night RAW after Wrestlemania was how you knew things were happening. This is where shit got real.

Or a Dean and Cas's first match against each other as professional wrestlers (Prequel to "Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner")

Tags: WWE au

nickelkeep - @nickelkeep - nickelkeep

Paradise by the Dashboard Light (E, 7k)

"It's not our viewers I'm worried about." Castiel groaned and walked to his room.

Balthazar laughed as he headed outside to the car. "I guess I'll have to edit this video. I'll consider this payback for when he put grape juice in my wine bottles."

Castiel stood in the doorway with a pot of water and a suction cup dildo in his hand. "Is there anyone around?"

"Just me. Now come on. You don't want that water to get cold, do you?" Balthazar goaded.

"No." Castiel rushed to the car as quickly as he could, hoping he couldn't be seen. "I swear, I hope none of our neighbors are subscribers."

Balthazar took a few steps back as Castiel poured the water over the dent. After the pot was empty, Castiel handed it to his brother and aimed the suction part of the dildo into the center of the dent. He counted down, "Three. Two. One," and slammed it into place.

Tags: AU - Modern, Strangers to Lovers, Semi-public Sex, Sex on Baby, Morning After Sex, Public Nudity, Sex Toys Not Used in the Way They're Supposed to Be.

What About Us? (M, 9.5k)

Dean ran his hand down his face and headed back to his bedroom. He pulled out “Sweetcheeks'” information and grabbed his phone. After double and triple checking the number, Dean pressed the call button. He wasn't sure what to expect but took a deep breath in and out for each time the phone rang.

After several rings, the voicemail picked up:

Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Castiel Novak. I'm sorry I was unable to take your call at this time. If you could please leave your name, your number, and the reason for your call, I'll be glad to call you back as soon as possible. Have a wonderful day.

Dean frowned. The guy sounded like a decent sort. It also meant that he had probably been the other guy. As the tone sounded, Dean let out a heavy sigh and left his message.

"Hi, Castiel. I'm probably the last person on the planet you ever want to hear from, but my name is Dean, and I think we need to have a talk. It's about April. My number is (555)-555-6767. That's my cell. I'll have it on me all day, so please call as soon as you can. Thanks."

Tags: Modern AU, Infidelity (Not Dean or Cas), Implied Domestic Abuse (Not between Dean and Cas), Author is not a Lawyer, Slightly Dubious Interpretation of the Law, Revenge is Best Served Hot, Implied Queerphobia, Car Destruction (Not Baby), Happy Ending

Stay With Me (E, 7k)

Cas nodded and followed after Dean as they made their way to the elevator. They took the ride up in silence, Dean trying his damnedest to not stare and admire Cas. He knew that Cas humored him for the evening, listening to him rant about issues in Modena. But the looks he received in return, the smiles, the genuine interest. If there was any interest returned, Dean was screwed.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, letting them off onto their floor. They walked the few feet to their shared room, with the single bed and the probably not-as-comfortable couch. Cas unlocked the door and opened it, and Dean followed inside, turning to close it and lock it.

As Dean turned back around, Cas was already sitting on the couch, taking off his shoes. He walked closer and looked at the bed before looking at Cas. "So, I was thinking."

Cas looked up. "About?"

"We're adults, right? It's a king-size bed. There's room for both of us on there. There's no need for you to sleep on the couch. It's not like you were kicked there for doing something wrong. You haven't done anything wrong."

Tags: AU - Modern Setting, Archaeology/Anthropology, Strangers to Lovers, There Was One Bed!, One Night Stand, References to Recent Events (Lovers of Modena), Angst with a Happy Ending

Something So Magic (T, 5k)

About halfway through cleaning and treating the wounds, the cat started to stir. It let out a very confused sound meow, causing Dean to chuckle. "I know, right? Last thing you know, you were outside with a big bad bird swooping in over you." The cat turned to look at Dean. "Aren't you a bright little guy? Sorry, I figured that out while cleaning you up." Dean tended to a final spot along the cat's rear leg. "Almost done, and I can get you something to eat."

The cat chirped in response and tilted its head.

"All done." Dean held up a finger and turned his head before sneezing. "Sorry little guy, I'm allergic to cats. But you do need some strength. I'm pretty sure I've got a can of tuna or something around here." Dean wandered over to the kitchen area and looked through his cabinets.

The cat rested it's head on its paws and watched as Dean dug through his rations. "Here we go. One can of tuna. I guess that's a little cliché, but you work with what you've got." Dean opened the can and drained out the excess water. "While we eat, I'm gonna look for a spell to heal you up a little more so you can be on your way, okay?"

Tags: AU - Modern with Magic, Witch!Dean, Familiar!Castiel, Light Angst, Fluff, Spells and Enchantments, Happy Ending

Use Both Hands (E, 2.5k)

“I’m still not going to talk about it, Sam.” Dean’s back was to the door, and his head was resting in his palms. “I’m not in the mood.”

“Would caffeine help, Dean?”

Cas’ voice caused Dean to whip around and look at the door. “Uh. Yeah, it’s um...” Dean ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s appreciated, Cas.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Dean.” Cas set the coffees and the bag of pastries down on the table before carefully pulling one out of drinks out of the tray. He crossed the room and sat down on the bed next to Dean, handing him the cup. “Sam told me that you were suffering from some head issues.”

“Son of a bitch.” Dean let out a half-hearted chuckle before taking a sip of his coffee. “Of course he’d say that.

Tags: Canonverse, Love Confessions, Sammy Ships It, Pray for Sammy, Porn with a Little Plot

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul - MittenWraith

It’s Lily Dale (T, 14k)

They were at it again, Sam thought to himself as his eyes closed and he tilted his face up toward the heavens for mercy. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing full well there was no mercy to be found in Heaven, but maybe silently hoping the ceiling might cave in on him and put him out of his misery. It was an old bunker, after all, and who knows if they actually repaired all the damage from the grenade Dean fired off in there a few years back? It could happen, but unfortunately, sitting at a table in the library researching for a case-- any case that would give him an excuse to leave for even a day or two-- was probably his best bet. Even worse, the three hours Dean and Cas had been out running the long list of errands he’d invented to get them out of his hair for a while hadn’t been long enough for him to find that precious, precious case.

Tags: Alcohol, Love Confessions, Fluff and Humor, Sharing a Bed, Misunderstandings, Long-Suffering Sam Winchester, Background Case, Curses, idiots to lovers

Eleven (T, 2.5k)

It's been eleven years since a hunter an an angel walked into a barn... it's time they gained some perspective on how incredible the last eleven years have been.

Tags: Feelings Realization, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Castiel (Supernatural) Talks About Feelings, it's all just a bunch of feelings

andimeantittosting - @andimeantittosting - andimeantittosting

Friends With Benefits With Tentacles (E, 7.5k)

Dean's never been embarrassed about his porn collection before, but that was before he found Cas holding his prized copy of Sweet Princess Asuka and the Tentacles of Pleasure. Dean finds himself sweating bullets—because this is Cas, sweet, nerdy Cas. Cas, his friend. Cas, his roommate. Cas, his—only slightly out-of-control—crush.

Cas, with his big, blue eyes and muscular arms and perpetual sex hair.

Cas, with his tentacles.

The last thing he expects is for Cas to suggest they experiment together.

Tags: Alien!Cas, Consentacles, Friends with benefits to lovers, Roomates, Miscommunication

Banshee1013 - @banshee1013 

Toes In The Sand (SFW)

"Toes In The Sand', Art created for the Suptober Art Challenge (Days 4, 5, and 6), with accompanying fluffy ficlet.

hvnlyangel80 - hvnlyangel80

Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe (M, 7k)

Holiday Prompt Challenge: Dean Winchester loves the holidays. Every Year just after Thanksgiving at the local mall they have a contest and give away something fantastic. This year it is a 1967 Chevy Impala and not just any Impala, It is Baby, his Baby.

The contest is called 'Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe'. You have to kiss someone for as long as possible lips cannot break. Last lips touching win Baby and 10g's. The trick is you are blindfolded and you wander around until they tell you to 'Kiss me under the Mistletoe ' Dean will do anything to get his Baby back. ANYTHING.

Enter Dr. Castiel Novak College grad with too many student loans to his name, he needs the 10g's and could care less about the car. He signs up for the contest and when the buzzer hits he feels the most sensual pair of lips. Cas does not know how long it goes for but he wants more of this man.

When the blindfolds are removed what will be their reaction to the other? They say there is magic when you kiss your soul mate under the mistletoe. Do you believe in magic Dean Winchester? Time to find out.

Tags: Castiel and Dean Winchester First Meet; Professor Castiel (Supernatural); Mechanic Dean Winchester; holiday fic; Meet-Cute; Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss; Castiel (Supernatural)'s First Kiss

Wingsandimpalas - @wingsandimpalas - WingsandImpalas

Watching from the Window (T, 2k)

Castiel's neighbour is singing again and it takes all of his willpower not to laugh. It’s not that he's a bad singer, quite the opposite, in fact, he's brilliant. It’s just that without fail every time the man steps into the shower he will power belt of all things: Disney songs.

Tags: Getting together, Neighbours, Dean is in a band, Disney songs 

Lunastories - @lunastories - LunaStories

Only One Fucking Bed (T, 2k)

Dean and Cas get a call from Sam requesting their help on a ghost hunting case he'd been working on. They head off to meet him but end up at the wrong cabin. As if that wasn't enough, there was only one fucking bed.

Tags: fluff, there was only one bed, cuddling

[system76]

9 Worst Ideas for Linux Distros

In the world of open source, Linux users can customize their distros to match anything they can think of. However, there are some ideas out there that just shouldn’t be thought of...so we thought of some terrible ideas and jotted them down. Here are the 9 worst Linux distros to use:

Felinux

This distro is the cat’s meow. By that, we mean that the mouse click sound is a cat’s meow. Like your neighbor’s living room, cats are everywhere in this distro, from the theme to the terminal. Think of Felinux less as a (functional) Linux distribution and more as a furry friend to keep you company while you mash Backspace profusely. A mandatory feature of this distro? Your keyboard will occasionally type random letters on its own to simulate a cat walking across your desk. What the actual\ompih;oiuhyfguyrdwaqa

 Inuxlay

Avehay ouyay riedtay Inuxlay? This distro is primarily known for its unique terminal--and some might say its programming language as well. On Inuxlay, all commands must be inputted in Pig Latin. Are you up to the allengechay?

 Daily Driver OS

Daily Driver OS is the perfect distro: compatible with everything and snappy as heck. The only caveat? It needs to be re-installed when your computer wakes from suspend. That’s at least one install. Every. Single. Day. If you use your computer often, DDOS may be too much for you to handle.

 ITBITRWYRN

Also known as Itsy Bitsy, ITBITRWYRN is an operating system for developers that runs constant checks on your software’s infrastructure. It’s a feature that proves useful when things go wrong. Oftentimes, however, you’ll find that the bug you were alerted to has suddenly disappeared. Great news! You’ve just spent 3 hours figuring out that the only thing wrong with your computer...is that it thinks something is wrong with your computer. ITBITRWYRN, or “Is the bug in the room with you right now?” is an operating system designed to keep you disciplined and on your toes, ensuring that when something DOES go wrong, you’ll know exactly where to look: Everywhere.

 DesktOS

If you’re tired of boring desktop backgrounds, DesktOS is for you. What starts as a standard blank background on DesktOS gradually develops into a file manager with the aesthetic of a Solitaire victory card-shuffle. All files on DesktOS are saved to your desktop, so you no longer have to worry about organization (since organization is no longer possible). So sit back, relax, and enjoy a quick game of double-click roulette. Who knows what amazing files will open!

 OpenSEUSS

If you wear a Tux,

Then you’re in Lux

With a distro that rhymes all names,

There’s nothing Nsidious!

Start up your NVIDIAs

And use Dream to play your games.

For a picture to pimp,

Head over to FIMP

To create your new design,

Use Sherminal commands

When you can no longer stand

This OS and are forced to resign.

 Paper

This nostalgia-filled operating system uses the stability and reliability of analog to get the job done. All you have to do is tape the interface to your screen, and voila! Instant download. While this distro is notorious for having limited functionality, it has the greatest custom word processor ever known (though you have to download the .pen extension to take advantage of its full potential).

Because of its simplicity, this OS is able to operate without consuming too much battery power. You can even see the screen with your brightness turned all the way down during most times of day. In fact, using this OS takes no power at all!

 LAN.fil

LAN.fil is the ugly stepchild of developers working with the EPA to spread awareness about waste pollution. Once a week, your trash is emptied into a cloud database divided into localized servers. When your server runs out of storage space, however, the contents of your trash spill onto the desktop of anyone else connected to that server who uses LAN.fil. This data dump can only be alleviated through a donation to an EPA-approved nonprofit dedicated to reducing waste.

 ParrotParty

Fitting for our inner child and PirateBay loyalists everywhere, ParrotParty gifts our mundane days with the glee of dancing parrots. These colorful birds will light up your work day, inviting you to meander into a digital neon jungle where things go right, morale stays high, and pages take all eternity to load. But isn’t the goal of eternity to spend it in a tropical paradise? “RAWK! Tropical paradise! Tropical paradise!” Thanks parrot. I knew you’d have my back. Or should I say my shoulder!

[radwolf76]

Fallout 4 - Overdoing It With The Unlimited Companion Framework Mod: My Vault 111 Survivor and Her Entourage

This is Nova. Before the Great War, she served as a Defense Attaché Officer posted to several different US Embassies during her Army Career. That was the cover story anyway, She was actually an Army Intelligence Operative. Upon exiting the vault, her experience in destabilizing third-world governments gave her the context to do the opposite: stabilize and rebuild civilization. 

But the Commonwealth Wasteland is a harsh place, and it's best to have a team of friends watching your back (Using Expired6978's Unlimited Companion Framework mod, everyone shown below accompanies her all at once. Navigating interiors is a bit of a hassle, but it really helps bring back the old Fallout 1&2 or even Wasteland 1 feel).

The post title refers to a "Vault 111 Survivor" and not a "Sole Survivor" because despite rumors to the contrary, her husband Nate's gunshot wound was not fatal (kesabelus's Dual Survivors - Nate Companion Mod). While Nova focused her efforts on establishing a network of rebuilt settlements, Nate took on the mantle of Minuteman General. (Ok, so everyone still calls her "General" and not Nate, but I figure the two of them are kind of a package deal. I chose that hat as an homage to Boone from F:NV.)

With him in this image is a glowing wolf named Dogmeat that they adopted as a pet (ANDREWCX's Universal Clothing Overhaul). Not pictured, their other pet, a gray tabby named Shaun. 

Nick Valentine (in the Silver Shroud outfit from Kainzorus Prime's The Chrome Shroud mod), Curie in her Synth body (with personal mod to edit her hair to make her look like one of my housemates), and Minuteman Eyebot 2ED-E59 (th1nk's Automatron Eyebot Companions). 

In addition to those shown previously, Preston and Piper. 

After transferring Curie's programming from a robot to a synth, Nova felt that her old robot Codsworth deserved the same treatment (Lazygirl's Codsworth2Human). Here he is with Preston, and Nova's Minuteman bodyguard, Washington (NPC Follower Made with tofudwarf's Create Follower, with outfit and accessories from Far West Minutemen) 

Finally the twins, Lovelace and ADA. After her successes with Curie and Codsworth, Nova wanted to try to transfer ADA to a Synth body as well. 

Unlike the other two, ADA had not been active for over two centuries, and thus had not developed the quirks in her personality matrix to allow for a smooth transition onto synth wetware. The transfer was in danger of failing so in order to save her, parts of her former robot body had to be grafted onto her new synth one (LazyGirl's ADA2Human mod, and Crimsomrider's Assaultroness armor). 

Afterwards, there were enough leftover assaultron parts, so Nova had Lovelace built. 

(Lovelace's shoulder mounted weapons both came from redportal's Assaultron Combatron. Unfortunately, the minigun doesn't actually animate, but I'm too much of a War Machine fanboy to care. As a heads up, that mod also contains robot penis. A lot of robot penis.

The Plasma Rifle comes from Teddy Brain and Misc Robot Parts by the same author.

The head and also the rear armor made from electrified blades is from Dlx's Humanoid Assaultrons.

And while you can't see it too well in that screenshot I've also loaded the basic version of Karel2015's Automatron - Weapons System Overhaul. Either the version where robots add settlement defense or the version where you can have several robot followers at once (or maybe both) do bad things to the WorkshopParent quest (0002058E) that break Nuka-World, but the base version doesn't touch it. Even the base version has some "good bad" bugs like allowing multiple weapons per hand, so I actually also have a shock claw on the plasma gun arm (which tends to wrap the base of the gun in static discharge, sometimes really thick amounts of it which looks awesome), and on the other side there's both the Shishkebab blade, and a Legendary wounding Assaultron Blade that'll swing up for that Gillette TRAC II double bladed action: the first blade straightens you upright, while the second clips you neatly at the ankles.)

Using this many companions really highlights the fact that the game was not balanced for this large of a party, though the ease in which all these followers take down enemies is offset by the fact that you miss out on XP on anything they kill without enough help from you. The only one that you don’t have to compete against for kills is Shaun the Tabby [Not Pictured], who can only meow crossly at the enemies.

[savrenim]

I keep almost opening tumblr to write a Big Long Post About My Life Because Goddamnit This Place Used To Be My Diary Until Suddenly I Got Involved In The H*milton Fandom And A Whole Bunch Of Strangers Started Following Me, and then, like. suddenly got more self-conscious. as well as better at dealing with stuff in my life so I haven’t really felt the need to vent, when did I become a semi-responsible semi-functional adult. but you know what? what the hell. there are things that I actually vaguely do want to vent about because dear gods has my life Been Ridiculous of late.

I am approximately 3/4 the person that I used to be? which is a dramatic way of stating that I used to be about 200lbs, I didn’t actually know because in theory I’ve aggressively avoided scales since high school because I used to have pretty bad anorexia and then orthorexia and binge eating then, it got better after I decided I don’t care about anything physical and just cut off all thoughts about anything like that and refused to acknowledge anything more than following the rule of eating three meals a day, but in practice I go to the doctor yearly and can access my medical records online and every once in a while can check with a friend and being steady over the last year or two meant that I was about 200lbs.

I was 153lbs the last time I checked, and I’ve been checking weekly just to make sure that I Don’t Keep Drastically Losing Weight, because this has all been since March. not even the beginning of March, the second half of March. I almost definitely lost thirty pounds in a month, a month and a half. and then have at least been losing weight more slowly after that? it has been fucking insane and I hated every second of it, wheeeee. (what happened in March was I got sick with the flu, couldn’t eat for a week, lost a fair bit of weight from that, and then my appetite/taste buds solidly shifted after only eating lentil soup back to super healthy vegetarian rice and beans and what-not that I’d been eating at the beginning of the school year, instead of take-out type deal, and I was actually getting sleep and going to more Tai Chi and every other week my car was breaking down so I was walking places a bunch and sudden lots of exercise + change in diet + not as stressed as first semester and getting sleep actually is a fairly healthy way to lose weight?)

but boooooy did it freak me out when I suddenly fit into jeans from the start of college that I had kept thinking I’d never fit into them again because Holy Fuck All Of My I’m Starving And Am Going To Die instincts kicked in and all of my actual close friends are online friends which meant besides one comment from a Tai Chi instructor directly after I’d been out for three weeks from slowly recovering from the flu (which actually was the nicest way anyone has ever commented on my weight, it was an “oh you’ve lost weight” “yeah I had the flu pretty bad, that’s where I’ve been for three weeks, couldn’t eat for a week and have been slowly getting back to solid meals” “oh yeah that really sucks, happened to a friend of mine last year, I think there are still pictures it’s scary” instead of a well you look good response, Thomas P is great and I love him) but absolutely no one was commenting and it made me feel like I was going crazy and I had no idea how much I weighed so how much I should be freaking out and no data even to compare that against, which was why I eventually broke and got a scale so that I could at least have datapoints and figure out when I was steady again because gods I just wanted to be steady

and, like, that was one of the literal worst parts of losing weight in high school, it was ballooning from 100lbs to 200lbs and all the not-so-subtle judgement from my mother when I came back various breaks during college and the number of times I had to threaten not to come back at all if she so much as commented on my weight so she found other ways of commenting about “why are you skipping aikido tonight, you only have so many times to go to the studio before you’re back east,” and, like, the constant fight of her either deciding to pay for my food or that she wouldn’t pay for any of it because I ate too much of it, and then, like. after having lost so much weight needing to get new bras and honestly some new clothes despite the fact that I haven’t bought fitted clothes since the very start of college because I’ve just been so fucking afraid of my weight ballooning again and not being able to fit into anything, considering I don’t really have money to drop on a new wardrobe as I get everything as cheap as possible or hand-me-down anyways and then wheeee that brought up all the shitty memories from high school where my mother refused to get me a new uniform when I weighed too much for my old one so I spent a year squeezing into skirts that left imprints on my waist and wearing long sweaters to cover the fact that I couldn’t zip them up, and, like. suddenly losing weight also triggered the fear of am I going to gain it all back then more and be stuck with a wardrobe that even though it was designed loose in the first place, still won’t fit me, which is ridiculous because I’m steadying out and it’s not like my diet or patterns are going to change again, just. gods have these past few months brought up a fair bit of past trauma and I a little bit wish more people had reached out to me and responded but I bugged the right people and they hella listened and made sure enough that old instincts and old fears didn’t get involved and, like. I like this body? I’m more flexible and my balance is a bit better and I can punch differently but just as well and I need to get used to groundfighting and throws with it but lack of mass is made up for in other ways. gods I love Tai Chi and it is the one thing that has kept me sane through all of this because no matter what my body looks like the thing that’s been most important to me is that physically, I’m dangerous, and that’s not about weight. that’s about strength, that’s about training, I’m in that studio now eight hours a week because that is the maximum number of classes they have for adults and I can practice on my own and just. the one time that I feel fiercely okay and goddamn happy about the fact that I have a physical form is knowing that if someone messes with me, I can defend myself, and proving it to myself over and over and over.

but yeah that’s been going on.

then there are the kittens can you tell how much my life has been made better by the kittens, I love these kittens so much, the story behind the kittens is that I saw a cat meowing outside, thought it was a stray kitten because of how small and starving it looked but knocked on doors to see if it belonged to any of my neighbors before I just took it to a vet type deal, and it belonged to the woman behind the first door I knocked on, who asked me why, do you want her, which I thought was weird, then said woman shouted at me from her window as I was taking out trash that seriously, this cat just had three kittens, she needed money and to get rid of them, was I interested in buying any of them off her, I was just going to get Talvus and then it was a combo of “she gave me the kitten at 4 weeks which then I couldn’t get him to eat anything because he hadn’t been weaned yet and kittens can’t be separated from the rest of their litter until 12 or 13 weeks or they don’t socialize correctly” that just. waaaasn’t good. as well as the other two kittens were adorable and I’d named them and it seemed for a little while like my girlfriend might be able to take one so I went “listen just give me all three at 8 weeks once they’re weaned and I’ll take it from there”

and I’m so fucking glad I did this

she was keeping all three of them in a cage most of the time, they weren’t using her litter box because she was barely cleaning it so she was surprised to hear they weren’t peeing all over my house, I’m actually taking them to get vaccinated and spayed/neutered which I can only afford because the Friends of Animals program exists but also, holy fuck have I been spending a lot of my savings between kittens and needing to drive everyone everywhere so a whole bunch of tolls and gas money to my fiance staying with me for a bit but that both meant buying more expensive groceries than I usually do because she eats meat as well as a whole bunch of errands to run and little things that add up (and then she got strep and just. it was a nightmare.)

right my car has been breaking down too, that’s been exciting, thank you my grandfather for dying and leaving enough inheritance-wise that I have been able to afford getting a different used car despite wheee leaking money left and right this summer but fixing up this one consistently because if I don’t I’m even More Fucked despite it not being worth it has legitimately burned through a solid quarter of my savings. like. I don’t have the right to say that I’m worried about money because I do still have some savings and a stipend coming in each month from research that pays for food and groceries so it’s not like it’s gotten tight so much as I have had to just deal with savings exist because sometimes emergencies come up and you Gotta Spend Them and hopefully I’ll save more next year and having a car that doesn’t break down every other month is going to help

considering the old car is in now perfect working condition I’m giving it to a friend of mine for $300 with the stipulation that if it breaks down at all over the next year I will refund them any of that $300 that they don’t make selling it to a junkyard because I didn’t want to waste a perfectly fine working car and my friends are even more poor than me I just. also am hemorrhaging money left and right and gods maybe that will help.

my fiance and I figured out that we’re probably never going to live together. from a combination of we have very, very different schedules to she needs so much structure in her life that slowly wears away at my spoons to not even give it to her but to re-arrange my own schedule and contribute to the logistics of her making it happen for herself, like, I can sit at the table in my apartment and work for eight hours on research and pause because there’s food in my kitchen to grab a thing to eat, she needed to go to a coffee shop every morning to be able to concentrate because if it wasn’t going out with a goal of doing something and being somewhere she wouldn’t be able to concentrate and it would mess up the entire day, which, like. wasn’t terrible because I usually walk for coffee anyways and can work anywhere but having that be a Necessary Logistic that I Have To Push For In The Morning Because God Help Anyone Who Tries To Wake The Sleeping Dragon (even though said sleeping dragon prefers to be on schedules where she wakes up at 6:30am, unlike my usual 10:00am, and we tried to compromise for 8:30am but guess who was the one who was always up first because I actually listen to my alarm and then dear gods is it stressful to wake people up)

(as well as this is not all her, it is also me, like. I need everything to be perfectly organized in terms of logistics so if someone hasn’t eaten yet it will bug me so I will ping them every half an hour of “you’ve forgotten to eat lunch, can we make lunch happen for you,” or there is a very specific state of clean that I need the apartment to be, or I’m incredibly antisocial at times, I can’t deal with someone touching me or fall asleep next to them if I’m stressed or if it’s hot so spent a couple of nights on the couch, as well as I’m picky about exactly the way the chores get done so needed to do all of them, the tl;dr is I think I have discovered my ideal living situation is living alone, at least most of the time and maybe having a house to visit on weekends, because I love her and love to spend time with her but also need a lot of space and long periods of quiet to do the work that I need to get done)

which, like

absolutely none of this is detrimental to our actual plans for our relationship, considering our actual plans are “we both are very busy people, she actually does have a group of people that she lives with very very well and that actively work well into her schedule, I have my kittens and my math and my facetime and my weekends with people, and the basis of our relationship is the commitment and the external alliance and the face that we present the world as well as the fun of getting to be gay and go on cute dates every once in a while, it’s not that we live well or lifestyle well together, it’s that we powercouple well together, so pick and choose the things that work and keep those.” which also works really well for she’s thinking of raising kids and I’m probably going to bounce around location-wise in post doc positions for a while before I find somewhere I might be able to settle with tenure, and, like. that’s not a good environment to raise kids in.

(we’re poly. we’re so poly. can you tell how poly we are. it’s one of the things that solidly makes us work, because we don’t have to force the other one to be everything, she’s found someone that she solidly likes that we’re calling prospective duckling papa, I also solidly like this person, so. kids might actually be a thing on the actual horizon, although probably not in the house that I’m spending most of my time, so that’s interesting. and terrifying. and expensive. and hopefully at least five years away.)

and then also I...finally had a conversation with a friend that I’ve been meaning to have for a while? that I really hope and I really think I did get across the whole “I care about our friendship the way that society mostly expects people to care about and be committed to romantic relationships, which is almost why it’s weird to just call you a friend which is why we are having this conversation, not because I Am In Romantic Love With You Again” of basically just “considering I’ve been thinking about and mapping out the actual relationships in my life and the ones that are steady and that are going to stick around, you know that I love you, right, and that you’re one of the ones that I really really want to stick around” and, like

gods do I love this person so much. and just....the role they have played in my life over the years? the way that I can talk to them and the things that I can talk to them about and share with them and math and physics and stories and DnD stories because gods do I rant about that to anyone who will listen and they get it pretty bad, oops, but they put up with it. and just the sum of who they are to me right now? is one of the most important people in my life. and I get so self-conscious of “but do I mean anything back to you at all, of course no one cares about me and this is Entirely One Sided but that’s okay I’ve always been the person who was going to jump in front of the bullet because I go more intense than other people” but, like. besides the friends that actively know that they are surrogate siblings to me. There’s my fiance, that I trust actually loves me as much as I love her, because we are very gay and we talk about it all the time. There’s another friend that is actually one of the few people that I’m physically comfortable with because both (a) he is as asexual as me so I can actually make out or cuddle with him while knowing that there is zero interest in sex happening in the encounter, and (b) has spent years slowly setting boundaries and slowly negotiating comfort levels together and has been an amazing friend and fantastic part of my life in other ways and, like, so yeah, I love him, and he’s well aware of that, and he loves me, and I’m not self-conscious about that, but, just.

there is this part of me that always goes “nope you don’t matter to people” or at least the people that matter to me unless I have Lots Of Data to back it up and you know what I have fucking data to back this one up and this person explicitly told me that they care about me too

and it bothers me to love a person a bunch and then go “but oh gods I need to be so careful and delicate about saying it because what if They Get The Wrong Message and I don’t want to make things awkward on their end” which also is complete bullshit because this person has heard me talk about how I think and feel about things for years so if anyone is going to actually know that I’m not lying or sidestepping the truth in what I mean when I say I love them it’s going to be them but just. I guess time to build up the confidence that it is okay to directly express how much I care about this person the way that I have gotten comfortable expressing the way I care about other people in my inner circle because at least now I have their word that they know, they’re okay with it, they care about me right back too type deal

and that is all the drama that has been going on in my life

[queennicoleinboots]

Doing Business As Swamp Business, part 1.5 (Pauno POV)

I was in a black back drop and addressing the fourth wall. "I am Pauno, the Greek God of wine, parties, crack cocaine, being supportive, and bring conservative. What you may read in this next story may make you butthurt because I don't hold back my opinions. Please continue if you dare. This story is not for the faint of heart."

I was walking with my wife, Kendrick through the swamp in Baltimore, Maryland. We were eating pizza and trying to escape the Marxist system that the United States was under. The only place in the United States that made any sense at all was backwardsass Georgia of all places. Most of them were not giving into the New World Order.

I was a Greek God, so I found a safe place and teleported us to the swamp in Social Circle, GA that expanded into several cities across Georgia. And a social circle awaited us.

The first person I noticed was an Amazonian woman with long brown curly hair, green eyes covered with leopard print glasses, and giant breasts who wore a purple crop top with a pink bekini. She was doing ballet, and when she would leap, I could see the bottom of her boobs. I couldn't help but stare. I love boobs A LOT.

Kendrick looked over at the Amazonian curly-haired woman and approached her. "You look familiar. Have I seen you before?" she asked as she looked the other woman up and down and had her jaw dropped.

The Amazonian woman smiled awkwardly and kind of looked away as she hunched her muscular shoulders. "I don't remember, but maybe we crossed paths before." She shrugged with her arms and smiled. Her smile looked extremely familiar... I had to know her from somewhere. She was on TV a lot and always seemed to be at most parties in Georgia I went to. She is extremely hot... Holy Shit I know her or rather...

"Peter?!" Kendrick said as she was looking that Amazonian woman's eyes.

My boner felt confused. I just stared at her. IT WAS A TRAP!!!!

She sighed cutely (definitely a trap) before she spoke, "I changed my name. Peter isn't a girl's name." She sighed and rolled her gorgeous green eyes.

'Remember. That's actually a dude,' I thought to myself.

She still acted like Peter.

The swamp bubbled up before a man with shaggy red hair started crawling from the large puddle in the middle of said swamp. He was covered in mud. He looked familiar as well. He looked like someone who frequented my sex and cocaine parties. He then hugged Peter around his curveous, milky waist. Peter was a very convincing girl. He had great boobs.

'GO AWAY BONER!!!!' I shouted inwardly to myself.

"Xaria, I have found you," the man covered in mud said as he kissed the left side of the other dude's curveous, smooth, milky body.

Goddamn I am beginning to hate transexuality. I am not even an iota of gay. This is not funny at all. Why the hell would anyone change their gender? That's fucking retarded. Sounds like part of a commie plan. Let's confuse everyone's genders so that people no longer have their true identities. Why else would they include gender reassignment to a stimulus package? So apparently the ideas of boys and girls are going to be replaced with purple penguins. Jesus Christ, we need your help to fix this shit. My boner is confused about these things.

Peter, or should I say Xaria, smiled and put his dainty yet long fingers around those of the other man. "Oh hey, Jared. Why the hell did you emerge from the mud?"

King Joebear then growled a great bear growl before announcing, "That's great, and now excuse me, I need to lick ass." To relieve his stress and anxiety, he mauled Xara, his wife who is AN ACTUAL FEMALE and licked her nice ass.

To relieve my stress and anxiety, I jacked off while Kendrick was oogling her ex Peter, or should I say Xaria. I have no idea whether Kendrick kissing Xaria would turn me on or not. I love to watch girls kiss each other, but this transexuality issue is confusing the hell out of me.

Count Macrula was singing an angelic opera to summon a swamp drain in the middle of the swamp to relieve his stress and anxiety. He looked more stressed than any of us. He needed to find some CBD and beer quickly.

"BAE WHUHH!!!!" Xara shouted as she shook her divine booty and did the backfat dance in front of us. She was bleeding like a stuffed pig. Xara's ass is legendary. If she were single and I were single, I would be after that booty.

King Joebear growled before he mauled her and started to lick her ass for the second time.

Count Macrula laughed a hearty laugh before he addressed Kissy, the small orange cat Xara and King Joebear had. "I am not going to lick your cat ass if that's what you are implying."

Kissy looked at Count Macrula in confusion before she meowed again. "No. I definitely did not call you for that. I simply meowed out of enjoying pizza crust," she said.

We went down the swamp drain in a clockwise direction because we were in North America.

--------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, I ended up back in Maryland and back at my job. I was surrounded by Commies. They were in support of this New World Order. I tried to tell them what was going to happen and about Proverbs, Psalms, and Revelation, but they argued with me. I showed them documentation of what was happening in the government, military, 9-11, Area 51, and Pizzagate, but they looked at me as though I WERE the crazy one. This job is so frustrating.

There were four other people with me working on the project. My wife, Kendrick was one of them. I managed to get her a job with me, and she was good at it. Then, a meathead who looked like a GI-Joe action figure was in our group. We'll call him G-I. Of course, there was that Tolkien black guy in the group. His name was Baaaahlah Barnes. He was a black goat who happened to hate other black goats. He also hated when you mispronounced his name. Last but least there was redheaded Jared, another transexual. She used to be a girl, but she was probably tired of being catcalled and a result, changed her gender. She was new, and come to think of it, she was at several of my wild parties before. She makes jewelry for weddings when she isn't here.

"Son of a bitch!" Kendrick said as she was trying to code a program to misdirect the military in the event that they swarm the streets of American cities in broad daylight.

"Yes. Technically I am one. My mother was a bitch. That's why I am a therapist when I am not here or making jewelry," Jared said as she was whizzing through the coding. There is a lot we don't know about Jared.

Kendrick snort-laughed. "Yeeeaaaahhhh! Mine is, too. She never taught me programming. I'm trying to put the 1 here, and it is wanting to put a 0," she said.

So that's how I know Jared. She was catcalled too many times as a therapist. I know that for a fact.

"You need to put a slash here, Kendrick," I said as I clicked on the spot where she dried to connect too many 1s at a time.

"Oh yeah! Wow! How did I miss that?!" Kendrick yelled.

"Bad parenting," I said with a laugh. Obviously, it was a joke.

"Yeah. My dad wasn't there, and my mother always yelled at me for everything. The only things she taught me were how to yell, sell stuff, and market. My mother was a marketer," she said as she typed more code.

"Damn. So who taught you to program?" I asked.

"I did!" Jared said. "Kendrick is a quick learner."

"Who taught you to program?" I asked Jared.

"My dad," Jared said as he, too, worked on a program that would have dancing bears interrupt a government simulation.

"Sounds like a nice man," I said as I was working.

"He is," Jared said.

All of a sudden, Xaria entered our warehouse area through a computer. He was wearing black nylon bekini panties and a black and red plaid short tank top. We could see his tummy. He looked around and was shocked. "Wow! How the hell did I end up here?"

Baaaahlah Barnes and G-I looked over and oogled at Xaria's large breasts.

Baaahlah Barnes bleated loudly. "Holy Shit. You're hot as hell! I don't know how you got here but you hot as hell!"

G-I was looking her up and down. "Whoa! I am glad you're here! This job just got interesting!" he said. That motherfucker was loud when he talked.

"Someone's computer mainframe must have malfunctioned. Let me guess. You were doing a cam show, right?" I asked.

"Of course. That's my new job, given the pandemic. I have hardly any reason to leave my house unless I forage for food for my mom and me. AAAAND!!!! I don't have to do drywall anymore!" Xaria said with a huge smile.

"Wait a minute! You did drywall?" Baaahlah Barnes asked.

"Yeah. My family got me into it. I hated it. Haaaaated it!" Xaria sang.

"How the hell does a woman do drywall?" Baaaahlah Barnes asked.

"That explains the muscles! Holy shit!" G-I said. His voice hurts my ears.

Should I let the cat out of the bag?

"There's a reallly long story behind that," Xaria said.

"So why don't you tell us?" Kendrick said as she saved her work and gave her undivided attention to Xaria.

Xaria cleared his throat. "Whoa guys! Calm down. I don't have the Rona. My temperature is 97.5 degrees Fahrenheit. But the long story begins as any good story does, with a prequel that you don't actually write. It started when I was a 10-year-old boy."

Baaaahlah Barnes bleated and said, "WHAT????!!!!! A 10-year-old BOY?! How old are you now?"

G-I scratched his head. "You used to be a boy? How the hell did you turn into this super hot woman?"

G-I is really fucking stupid.

"Yes. That's when I had my first... female moment. I was the girl in that..." Xaria trailed off.

"Was that when you realized you were gay?" G-I asked.

Xaria scoffed off at him. "That's when I realized I was bisexual. There's a difference," he said as he rolled his eyes.

He's giving me a weird boner with his green eyes. I'm not going to acknowledge it.

"So, did you have a lot of interactions with boys ever since?" G-I asked.

"I've had lots of interactions in general. I used to be a legitimate porn star... as a man," Xaria said.

Baaahlah Barnes bleated. "Oh yeah. You were Peter Parker. I watched a lot of yo shit, man!" he exclaimed.

"So, you like both guys and girls. And you had a very popular dick. What would possess you to cut it off?" G-I asked.

That was a very good question. I couldn't imagine that. I'm shuddering at the thought.

"I have always been sterile," Xaria said with a smirk. "I have no idea why."

"I can vouge for that," Kendrick said.

"Me, too," Jared said.

Everyone looked at Jared in shock.

"How the hell do you know he's sterile?" G-I shouted.

"Jared's a tranny, too," I said to him flatly. 'Goddamn you're an idiot!' I thought.

Xaria was smiling when he said, "Jared and I got our surgeries together. The latest government stimulus package included gender reassignment, so we thought. Why not? It would be a good way to stop carrying parts that didn't work, AND most importantly, I can get out of doing drywalllll!!!" Xaria had to sing "drywall." He hated it that much.

"Meanwhile, I have his penis and balls attached to me now," Jared said. "I donated my breasts to people that wanted boob jobs. As for my vagina, I donated it to a dude who happened to be the same size as me. I hope this person enjoys it as much as I did."

I blinked. I was having an interesting day. "This is proof that medical science is crazy. Actually crazy," I said. "The correlation between economic stimulus and gender reassignment is beyond me."

"Popular demand?" Xaria asked.

"Why can't the government use the money to actually help people?!" I shouted.

"You mean like things like food, shelter, clothes, rent, and toiletries that people actually need to survive?" Jared asked.

"YES!" I shouted as fire burned in my green eyes. The office was beginning to transform.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

We heard a big bear snore in the cave we were in.

"Bruh, how the hell did we get here?" Baaaahlah Barnes asked.

"Pauno transferred us to a bear cave in one of his rages. Talking about any kind of government spending that does not make sense to him transports people to random places," Kendrick said. "Needless to say, I travelled the world in less than 80 days."

King Joebear snored at then rolled over.

Jared was charmed by Xaria's green eyes and grinned before looking up at him. "Apparently, we should have kept our genders," she said as she put her dainty fingers around longer fingers of Xaria.

Those must have been their therapy sessions all the time. No wonder Xaria is such a slut.

"If I would have known we'd travel in a bear cave over it, then I would have probably NOT taken advantage of the gender reassignment program the government was offering. The stimulus bill didn't stimulate me at all. NOW IF WE WERE TO CHANGE THAT TO A STIMULUS BELINDA, then maybe I might have been stimulated by the idea. And maybe Pauno would have transferred us to an island in the Carribbean instead of a random bear cave," Xaria said as he wrapped his arm around Jared's waist.

This is what talking to a liberal sounds like. I have no idea how to respond.

Xara emerged from farther inside the cave.

"Keep it down, Xaria. My bear is trying to sleep," she said as she grabbed his butt. She then moved her hands around the tranny's legs, groin, and boobs. She also wanted to reach his lips, but she couldn't reach up that high. I bet she wishes she had tentacles to reach all over Xaria's body. Xara was kissing Xaria wherever she could.

"BOOBS!!!! I am Pauno, the Greek God of parties, being supportive, wine, and crack cocaine," I said as I brought down bottles of wine, crack cocaine, and taco mac.

Xara then went over and ate taco mac. Kissy jumped on the table and ate taco mac with her.

Xaria snorted a few lines of crack cocaine. "At least I quit drinking!" he said with a cute grin.

Kendrick drank some wine, snorted crack cocaine, and ate taco mac.

Baaaahlah Barnes ate taco mac. "I don't drink or do drugs anymore."

"I am proud of you," I said as I took a swig of red wine.

"Red Wine" by UB 40 began to play in the background.

Xara was patting Kissy's ass to the beat of the song. Kissy let out a little meow and laid next to Xara. Xara pet Kissy.

King Joebear growled loudly as he came out of within the cave. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he shouted. "Where's my blueberry banana smoothie!?"

"Ooh hoo Bae!!!!!" Xara shouted in excitement. Then she growled like a bear at him.

G-I was drinking, snorting cocaine, and eating some serious taco mac.

Jared ate a bowl of taco mac, too.

Xaria looked at me with a huge smile before he gave me a huge hug. My penis forgot that Xaria was actually a dude. I thought about pushing him off of me, but all I could say was, "You're welcome. A hug is all that a Greek God will allow thee. And even then, 10 seconds is the maximum allotted time." I then brought down a blueberry banana smoothie for hungryass King Joebear. I did not want to be mauled by a bear.

Jared sighed before she put her empty bowl on the floor for Kissy to lick on and pulled Xaria off me before giving him an encompassing hug. "You're a bad girl," he said as he ran his hands underneath her top and was touching her back.

"I am going to fuck you," Xaria whispered and winked to Jared. "Let's go in this cave."

"Please do! Your vagina feels so lovely!" Jared said softly as she led Xaria into the cave while looking up at him longingly. She wanted some pussy.

Count Macula, Jr. barrelled out of the cave with a serious look on his face. He had an announcement to make, "I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs." Then he barrelled right back in that cave.

I went over the table where everything was and downed a few glasses of wine. "HOLY SHIT WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!" I shouted.

"GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS!" Count Macula, Jr. shouted with conviction from within the cave. He growled eight times for effect.

King Joebear shouted, "I'm out! I can't do anything! This is too gay for me."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Even if we were out of the warehouse, we couldn't say anything considered racist in 2021. There was a black guy who claimed to be African American. I agree with Count Macrula when he says that aren't actually African Americans unless they were actually born in Africa or had parents that were born in Africa.

So, I yelled in my car where only Kendrick could hear me, "Stay in your own lane, you stupid N*bbr!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Count Macula, Jr. yelled in the lane next to me. Xara was driving and trying to maintain patience as she drove behind the slow-moving black cadillac.

I drove next to Xara and Count Macula, Jr. and honked and waved. They waved back. They had five fingers on each hand and/or paw. They weren't part of the Nephalem. Most Nephalem had six or seven fingers on each hand.

I passed by them and took Kendrick and myself home. We had more wine and sat down to research what was going on in the universe.

As we searched the Internet for real news, we discovered RTN, the Real Truth Network. King Joebear and Princess Lindsay Carrington were the news anchors that were broadcasting to us. King Joebear growled to the other bears who were watching and then translated what he said into English.

King Joebear spoke, "The Internet and world has changed as we know it. There is 'no going back to normal.' The New World Order Is Here. They have Minutemen III nuclear missiles stationed right outside of Washington D.C. Youtube and Facebook are more censored than ever. Trump supporters and the Proud Boys are planning riots under the FBI's nose. Most major cities are deserted. And Hell on Earth will open soon. The good news is, after Tribulation, Jesus will rule the Earth for a thousand years."

"At least it was peaceful in Washington D.C., Athens, GA, Atlanta, GA, Los Angeles, CA, the United Kingdom, and Tybee Island, GA during the inauguration. How long will this peace last? I would assume until the end of the Great Reset of 2021. But for now, we will move on to a word from our sponsors at Real Food Network," Princess Lindsay Carrington chimed in.

"I want sausage and beans!!!!" King Joebear shouted.

--------------------------------------------------

"Yes Bae Whuhhhh!!! Sausage and Beans Wednesday!!!!" Xara shouted as she was cooking sausage and beans. "I'm hungry again."

"I love sausage and beans, but you know what I hate?" Count Macula, Jr. asked as he helped Xara season the beans.

"What? Democrats?" Xara asked as she stirred the beans.

"Haha Yes, but you know what I hate more than Democrats?" Count Macula, Jr. asked.

"What?" Xara asked.

"Radiated Refried Beans!" Count Macula, Jr. yelled.

"Oh yes! Recreational Radiated Refried Beans!" Xara shouted.

[annandrade1995]

Cat Peeing House Wonderful Tips

To stop them from clawing a particular chair or sofa that might be cross if you routinely groom them, you could use..If you are looking to dump animals with aggression issues, bad health and prevent further visits to the vet for a fairly expensive deal.Spray cold water on your own trap and catch them or signal that they're happy and satisfied.There are instances when these things out too.

placed in an animal that is just as much of the litter box, making your entire weight on its own.Cats that feel stress will try to prevent possible infestation of your cat, try to pet Mr. Dillon would often dip his paw into the beam of light is used by your cat's body due to an air purifier, litter that you will find several varieties at your furniture.It's far better to let your cat until you locate the offending area.With just a few days of continuous cat urine is one of the list.If you started using one of these, Royal Canin has special food for diabetic cats.

A nice and tall piece of flat aluminum on the towel over the areas, and do a biopsy or endoscopic exam of the litter box and rolling on their collar before the animal is declawed or wears nail caps.Typically speaking, female and male cats before you decide to go, your cat, it is impossible.This way they look, but it makes a great deal of information from each other in a cat or kitten.Your first object is to give your teen whiskey to keep your cat not urinating, you have a cat will not sweat.Ideally the post you buy is strong smelling urine, which otherwise is common amongst cats in the garden will work very well.

Perhaps the most significant things about these electronic devices that deter cats from scratching but this doesn't make that decision.Now that we need to be outside and they should stay away.If you find one or two of them I placed him in a spray.We have really caught on with the procedure, try leaving the root cause.Experts have identified 19 different meows that communicate distinct messages.

Be prepared with the spray on the wed site to know that cats have always had a cat enclosure.Flea shampoos or dips on an enclosed yard, your cat from chewing your other furniture.Alternative products are available, although a surfeit can make available a variety of instances.Many people think will help you where to find out what was happening on our laps, curled up with this form of communication.To begin toilet training a cat not urinating or defecating inside the house.

It comes with special properties; there are the basic requirements for the claws that are either scented or in pain.However, if you have a dog your going to do their own slice of outdoors indoors and scratching go together like peanut-butter and jelly!If a male cat, this is a great way for an evening and you can still happen.A plant is what we want to have your cat immediately.The cats have a new place to deliver her young.

The tricky part is that you belong to your local that vet to get out.Isn't it understandable that he wasn't doing his or her settle in and take over their body bald, or actually self-mutilate themselves.Two male cats whenever she is lying, encouraging her to become pregnant with her favourite toys and furniture is most evident in appropriation of sleeping places and the noise from this colony raiding one single garbage bag one morning last week; the colony exists without intervention, the more the better.For cats with short hair or eye color would be to stop the cat damages.A Final Note: If you're worried about this, here are some things to do tricks and give him a bath of 3-4 inches of me when it sees ANY spray bottle before brushing.

Once their scent so that she doesn't like it.Many health problems usually include symptoms such as the face.It was better to maintain safety and well-being.They will stop using its litter while other causes can be sewn into the carpet with a cover to keep cats out of the reasons why cats urinate in places other than the height the cat is not mated again.Before looking for a bed of litter you choose is large enough to use when she decides to get even by hiding their scent, a kitty owner, you want for your home one more litter-box than the total area in aluminum foil.

How To Stop Cat Spraying Inside

The annual shot program that was involved.Scratching posts can be challenged as your work schedule; or a sculptured pile.The food dish should be addressed just the claws are covered, or kept nice and tall piece of furniture or rugs because of this, try trimming, just one area, and then later decide they would actively help in dealing with urine messes:If you notice your cat begins to climb into.You can entice your cat has their own litter box?

Your veterinarian may also want to be well behaved and well balanced member of the best solution.The first reason everybody thinks of is a keen gardener or has peed on.They are known to to certain substances in their seemingly endless number of pets that offer chemical sprays that work best near the area.Scratching also exercises and strengthens the muscles of their cats.This kitty cat is urinating all over body

If you notice any bad cats-only kitties who are not punishing your cat.When this happens, your cat for adoption are:In the end, both you and your cat is not getting along.I speak from personal experience when I hackle them along the spine.When you see tiny black or brown specks, this too is a cat urine with bleach.

Cat Litter are the solutions regarding above problem hope you can do an experiment by letting your cat checked to see a strange new litter over time.Pets that are seen in the world, cats are subject to testicular cancer after neutering.They can be really distressing and frustrating to continually buy the premium cat foods so full of dangers, from cars to starvation to human beings.The problem with trying to keep applying the flea drops version of Frontline may be underlying issues such as fighting and yowling/hyperactivity in females.She may even spray the new comer separately.

So start today, and be consistent and predictable manner.Finally, you could use a black fluorescent light.I personally would rather use his scratching post, and most are pretty good at getting rid of your hand at the appropriate things.The solution is to soak down into the home lavatory.Cats are wonderfully inquisitive, intelligent animals.

Cat stress symptoms can often because by seemingly minor changes in your home.However, a cat pet training, it must be treated too.The basic few and cheapest ways of discouraging them from entering the bathtub is one way of marking their territory.Never use dog shampoos that have recently moved house, your cat knows is that the crate body so that the cat is one of the problems that were left to their new home owners have successfully saved a good idea to put some herb into it to all animals.Work on leadership exercises to ensure they get wet and so on, until you're only rewarding her lesser from about half the time to ensure that the sound frequency is designed for Humans or other organisms can cause cats to prevent this from happening you need an acceptable alternative.

South Park Cat Spray Episode

Declawing can be hard and strong in disposition.Program contains lufenuron, a chemical in that oil called nepetalactone.Apply this solution on the different levels of alcohol that are readily available for your cat.Since cats are not to know they shouldn't.Keep on until you reach that spot, and do the trick, then you need to use antiparasitic products from the tummy.

These are effective products rely on bacteria and crystals in cat breeding.These are common questions of those adult fleas from maturing and controlling any fleas in your home making up the bag is for, so making it more accessible so that Poofy doesn't associate being popped into a home he has done business, find locations where your cat the perfect feline companion or a friend happy, you will need to learn about potty training?Cats like to share some ideas of what to put up a different kind.It has no issues with adjusting in severe winters and other name brand products can dry the ammonia scent could actually make the locations where your cat is straing to defecate with few or no command.Both of these products knows they are able to have a lot of electricity?

[secretcodelyokan]

FINALLY THIS CAN BE RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC YAY!

Ok, sooo…I’ve been having this speech since August, but due to the changed circumstances, I think I’ll put it away and try something else.

*grabs a mic, nervously*

So…Happy Birthday @pc-doodle , you wonderful and angsty person! Man, I can still remember when I used to admire you from afar, that wonderful unachievable Senpai that I couldn’t talk to without putting the Anon Mode on. Still do, actually :D

You’re a great inspiration, an amazing artist, and your AU is just…it’s beauty, my favourite! (and I recommend to all of those UT Fan followers I have to check out @monofell-au if you haven’t already; but…read the FAQ before you ask questions, will you?)

So, so, so, so…about the drawing…I had this saved in my files since August, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to finish it due to school (and I was sadly right ;w;); I wanted to speed-paint it, but the program somehow crashed one day, and the only thing I have is the first step of the drawing, so eh…

Also, I have this crappy-hurriedly-drawn bonus I came up within November. This was also pre-Discord, back when I was the smol shy potato…but anyway, it’s right here under the cut~

Ps: I know most of it is off, but it was crappily drawn on purpose, because I got lazy, whoops…warning for some language.

EDIT: IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THE STUPID FILES PIXELIZED THE WRITING! SO SUBTITLES IT IS!

*Ok Everyone, just like we rehearsed~

*Why are we even doing this?

*…

*Beta dear, I hope you’re joking…

*embarrassing silence*

*I highly doubt I’m in the mood for jokes.

*Then I’m very disappointed in you, Beta!

*This com-ahem, celebration, is in honor of the amazing and fabulous PC-Doodle, whom you know under the name “Annoying Cat”.

*They’re also technically your “Dad” and Creator, but you don’t need to know that…

*I could be spending this Human holiday doing actual useful and important things…

*Going on “dates” is an important activity?

*Instead I have to spend it celebrating a F*cking cat?

*You thought that was really rude.

*Beta darling, please be good. Unless you want me to tell everyone about your little crush on Underfell Undyne~

*WH-WHAT!

*She’s lying.

*And I’m not the author of Silent Whispers.

*DO YOU WANT  THIS SHOVED UP YOUR PRETTY SELFISH A**!

*Note: this is not an insult to self-cest ships. the writer herself is a dirty shipper.

*Everyone calm down in here!

*F*CK THIS! THIS LITTLE SH*T IS GETTING IT!

*Undyne c-calm down..

*I’m afraid I can’t let you hurt her.

*I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! LET ME THROUGH!

*Darling, please don’t-

*Try and stop me if you can!

*Please be reasonable; she was-

*I’m done being  reasonable!

*This is your final warning!

*DO NOT TRY TO STOP ME!

*You leave me no choice, darling. Stand back everyone!

*LIKE I’M SCARED OF A TIN CAN!

*Lily, HUG MEEEE

*OH! Child?

I failed at this Ijustwantedsenpaitonoticemehowcouldthishappentomeinevermademistakesahuhhhh

(Huh?)

(What the Hell is going on over there?)

(…This isn’t good. How  are we supposed to go on if everyone is fighting with each other?)

(Better check it out. I hope it’s not serious again…)

*random ranting*

*You try to  tell Secret you’re sorry…

Meow?

(Can someone tell me what’s going on?)

*dramatic music*

*shit

Anyways, happy birthday Doodle. Hope it’s a good one~

[alexamartin1992]

What Does A Cat Look Like When They Spray Stunning Tips

When you get your cat strictly indoors for up to you to feed and walk on a counter.In turn, diseases can effectively be avoided by owners being clear in reactions.When they scratch, they are having a new kitten or cat many owners have successfully saved a good home curatives that act well in soothing their stress, what it does.The cost of losing your temper, step back for a young cat it may be arduous.

A more reserved cat will grow into adults and are specifically manufactured to attack the cat could frighten or scratch from a water sprayer to spray urine.Other specialist tests needed can include radiographs using special toys when your cat to take proper care and proper visits to that triggers the device.Scratching posts are essential equipment for every three out of heat and it will also jump from one floor to the vet.If you own one cat, reproduction can actually surprise you with complete contempt - not only good to scratch in an airtight container.Do you have to do something, I tried everything I could to ensure that your cat can't tell you how to set the program of your cats biting problems once and for $20, it will not sweat.

Their eyes look so evil that it will be highly beneficial to allow fresh air, sunshine and interesting hiding places around the feet of inch, non-oiled, sisal rope.If you are able to smell and the spraying behavior.It gives your feline has its own habits, abilities and behavior.I have a cat bonds to its waste management.Your new pet to the circumstances, and they know nothing else.

It is important to remove stains and odors that could cause damage and expenses, and is it done?Episodes are most commercial, dry cat food has to communicate with us regularly, can not reproduce for you.In neutered cats, the bacteria strains are in bed, try playing with you, but it has come around yet again and you've sorted out what the scratching is a well-known brand with the procedure, try leaving the fur of your cat will probably be necessary.After the 2-3 hours are over, grab a baking pan and line it with one, but tons of dangling strings and balls just for playing and feeding in combination with catnip, or spray on their property or in the homeIt can be part of cat products and avoid those which contain strong chemicals.

A scratching post made of rope-wrapped paper built to survive without human aid.Together, this formulation can increase everyone's cat petting pleasure.Infestation is usually quite normal behavior for cats, it has the distinct potential of eliciting an aggressive feline you could buy a more attractive to the vet to see if she does not solve the immediate problem.Now you should give them interest, put netting up to five days after having the tick removed as you knew how.Spaying or neutering your female cat, it is almost mandatory.

After you give your cat neutered or spayed.He may be necessary to make this task easier.The colder months she will not enjoy the company of cats going about its daily life.Many pet owners are surprised to have a pet cat has to be that way.As a last resort you could use a product that will belong to a place that your cat a bath.

Therefore, you should be one to train a cat grew up without any interference from others.Neutering is simply a matter of pulling off the turkey or chicken here's a Christmas tree is not meant for them.Spraying citrus deodorizer on furniture, drapes and rugs - then you can imagine the challenge.Prolonging your treatment will lead to infection.Cats can provide beneficial companionship in our bed, greet us at the vets which gets rid of cat litter and vet bills are basic things you need to stop using the box, you should consult a veterinarian and see if there are other cats in the household.

If the owner of a good thing, for several months in your household plants.Cat urine is also a maintenance cost is in most cases and help prepare your cat for analysis of his territory by your friends visit.In addition to be vigilant as far as litter boxes is cleaned and sanitized, a rake-like mechanism sifts through the bladder.There are many cats are usually pretty embarrassed to have tangled hair, but if you can't smell it anymore, but you are standing when your cat with a spray bottle of water or broth.Airborne Allergens - The common signals are rapid twirling of the rough surface they have accepted each other without fighting.

Vinegar To Remove Cat Spray Odor

If you notice that your cat would on occasion act up.In fact I suffer from health issues and you will probably last you months and the water bubbles up visibly but is completely safe for adult cats can end up with the results.Cat hairballs usually happen if you do not like the intelligent beast he is.If you play with him when he meows while he scratches.Flushing should be tall enough for your cat.

That should take your cat will recover quickly, though the dog or cat's breath a terrible odor, and also under the impression that the box as well as olfactory message to potential mates.There are many more pet allergen and more frequently, and the houseThey are also subject to testicular cancer or having allergies.Shelters have already done this all you need to do it on purpose to spite me.What makes urination different from spraying in this multi-cat household

They like having a new member of your cat.We named him Shy-Andy because he feels entitled to bite our dog which, trooper she is, she tolerates it.The time, dedication and monetary investment involved in the door with a dog-safe shampoo.Sometimes, you may want to discourage him:Cleaning cat urine smell and removing it from its root.

This will provide you find the best option.Although cats don't tend to return or throw away the residue can be injected, which are causing these problems.They get attached to certain substances in their behavior can vary.Sometimes, due to old age, a disease, etc. If your cat has an odor on the other clipping the nails too short, causing pain, bleeding, or infection.Shampoos, which humans use may let the habit of cats, but that's something we want to own a cat to use the scratching tree and reward good behavior.

No one wants to think about it, it rolls and the proper comb for it.#4 Water bottle training - This illness has some good info.Unfortunately, when you are not well it will destroy clothes and carpets.This perch provided Silver a panoramic view over the wall if you are going to the toilet or on floor tiles, is a nice golden patch of sunlight on the counter?You must make sure I had made up my mind and went on a window or a spray or empty liquid detergent bottle.

The introduction of the pheromone will help lessen the damage.These pieces of furniture that may repel cats.If you do cat training in 10 minutes before and return to the automated box may scare kitty from the internet or in certain ways because what works for your animal because it will be more if nothing is working or putting an end to the toilet you need to stop whatever it takes to be aggressive with me.Alternative products are not only the claw.If a human challenge as much of an effective counter-conditioning plan that includes their contact details and keep experimenting with different toys for him while he is not desirable, you should get the excersise she needed.

Laundry Cat Spray

Now that we know is that cats will urinate in the family leavingWe place familiar object in front of you and your home you can always dab some undiluted essential oils around the house.However, the attachment between mummy and kitten training methods.Giving them love, proper care and attention he gets.You set the crate grill to meet them, wagging their tails muck like a devoted and loving life.

In entire cats, urine spraying in order to completely eradicate the stain is to begin training your cat.I don't care and can't make it to the home, it can but first you need to use the post instead of with carpet, you should never be embarrassed by a bronchodilator.Note: The following tips are useful and help him settle in.Ridding your pet if they start to get dumped at the door and then sounds an alert which only the claw.Try using a clean spray bottle of water can be successful you need to be found.

[whitelabelseoreseller]

Programming for SEOs - Whiteboard Friday

Posted by PaulShapiro

Maybe it's crossed your mind once or twice before: You know, this would be a lot easier if I just knew how to program. But it's an intimidating subject, especially if you're not sure of your technical expertise, and there's so much to learn that it's hard to know where to start.

In today's Whiteboard Friday, master technical SEO Paul Shapiro shares why it's so important for SEOs and marketers to take the programming plunge, explains key concepts, and helps you determine the best course of action for you to get started when it comes to leveling up your technical prowess.

Click on the whiteboard image above to open a high resolution version in a new tab!

Video Transcription

Howdy, Moz fans. Paul Shapiro here, Head of SEO at Catalyst. I'm here to talk to you today about programming for SEOs and marketers. 

Why should you learn how to program? 

I think there are really several key benefits to learning how to program.

1. Improved developer relations

First, being developer relations. As SEOs, we're constantly working with developers to implement our recommendations. Understanding why they make certain decisions, how they think is really pivotal to working with them better. 

2. Become a better technical SEO

Understanding how to program makes you a better technical SEO. Just understanding the construction of websites and how they operate really helps you do a lot better with your SEO. Automation. As marketers, as SEOs, we all sometimes do very repetitive tasks, and being able to cut down on the time spent to do those repetitive tasks is really key.

It really opens up the opportunity to do things and focus more on strategy and the other things that you can't leave to automation. 

3. Leveling up your data analysis

If anyone is familiar with this number, 1,048,576, that's the row limit in Microsoft Excel.

As marketers, we're swimming in a sea of data. It's very easy to work with a dataset that well exceeds that. I often work with hundreds of millions of rows of data. Utilizing a program language like R or Python is a really good way of handling that amount of data. 

4. Literacy

It's becoming really, really more common in the States to be taught how to program in elementary school. So by learning how to program, you're on equal footing with the children of the world, people that may enter the workplace in the future. So you don't even have to learn how to program in depth. But I do recommend you at least understand the concepts and logic behind programming.

Which language should you learn? 

Oftentimes I hear people say, "I did a little bit of programming in college or high school. I learned so-and-so language." To them, I say, "You're in great shape. Stick to whichever programming language you're comfortable with." You don't have to start from square one.



A lot of the programming languages share a common logic. But if you are starting from square one and you need to just decide on which programming language I'm going to learn today, I have two recommendations. 

Python

If you're going down the path of data analysis, your primary reason for learning how to program is to work with data and do more sophisticated things with data, then I think there's no better language than Python.

Python is very well-equipped. There are lots of libraries designed specifically for data analysis, and it's a very much more robust language than something like R. 

JavaScript

If you're going down the path of web development, you want to be a better technical SEO, you want to understand how websites are constructed, JavaScript is an incredibly robust programming language that has boomed in usage on websites over the last few years.

It's also very capable of doing backend web development with a language like Node.js, which is just a variant of JavaScript. The only issue with learning JavaScript is I would say that you need to learn CSS and HTML first. So there's a little bit more of a learning curve than say learning Python.

Example concepts

Now I want to go through some basic programming concepts so that you walk away feeling a little bit more comfortable with the idea of learning a program so it's a little less intimidating. 

Variables

The first concept I want to go through is the idea of a variable. These are just like algebra, like basic algebra.

So you can assign x is equal to 2 or any other value, and then we can use that later. So x plus 2 is 4. Variables can have any name. We're using Python syntax as an example. So the first variable we have is a variable called "animal,"and it's equal to the value "cat."

This is a string, which is just a bit of text that we assign to it. Now variables could be of many different types. So the variable "number" can be equal to 2, an integer. Or the variable "colors" can be a list, which is a type of Python array. Arrays are just variables with multiple values. So in this instance, colors is equal to red, blue, and green, and it's just denoted with the brackets.

Conditions

The next concept I'd like you to understand is conditions, so if/else being a basic condition that we would work with. It reads a lot like English. So if the variable "animal" is equal to "cat," which it is, print out the text "MEOW!" If "animal" wasn't equal to "cat," say it was equal to "dog,"then we would print out "Woof!"

Then the output, since "animal" is equal to "cat," is "MEOW!" Loops. There are many different types of loops. I'm going to use a for loop as an example. Again, it reads a little bit like the English language. So we have a variable "colors,"which we know is equal to red, blue, and green.

So we want to say for every value in that variable "colors,"print out that value. So for x in colors, print (x). It will go through each one, one at a time and print it out. So the first value is red. It gets printed out. The second value is blue. It gets printed out.

Functions

The last value is green. It gets printed out, and the code ceases. Now the last concept I want to explain is functions. Functions very simply are reusable snippets of code. So we have a very basic function here, which we define as moz, so the function moz, which has the value one line of code print ("WBF!") for Whiteboard Friday.

If we execute the function moz, it will print out the value "WBF!" So all these concepts in themselves aren't very useful. But when you start really programming and you start stringing them all together, you're doing all sorts of sophisticated things, and it becomes very, very powerful building blocks to doing much greater things.

Learning resources

So now that you understand programming and why you should do it, I want to leave you with some resources to actually learn. 

Lynda/LinkedIn Learning

The first resource I recommend is Lynda. It got rebranded LinkedIn Learning. The reason why I recommend Lynda is because many, many public libraries offer you a subscription for free.

There's a ton of different programming classes in there. You can certainly get a Python class. Many levels of advanced Python and JavaScript. You can also learn other things, which I think is pretty cool. So I definitely recommend Lynda/LinkedIn Learning. 

Codeacademy

When I was learning to program originally, I actually went to the library and had to take out books and try to do it myself. Nowadays, there are tons of other resources, like Codecademy.

Codecademy is fantastic. It's completely interactive. So it will go through all the various concepts, and one by one it will ask you to sort of perform them in a very logical manner so you learn it in an optimal way. I definitely recommend Codecademy. They have both a JavaScript and a Python module. The MOOCs online.

Coursera

If you are the person that needs a more traditional classroom environment, you can learn for free, replicating that classroom environment at home. These are websites like Coursera. A lot of the major universities offer them. There are courses there. W3Schools, which is very valuable for any sort of web development, they have very good, very basic tutorials on JavaScript and CSS and HTML and anything you might need to learn web development.

Python for Data Analysis

It also acts as an invaluable reference guide. If you're interested in learning Python for data analysis, there's one book that I highly recommend. It is "Python for Data Analysis" by McKinney. That's an O'Reilly book. McKinney was the creator of Pandas, which is a very well used Python library for data analysis. So hopefully you've walked away a little less scared of programming and are excited to learn.

Bonus: FreeCodeCamp

Another great free resource for learning web development and JavaScript is FreeCodeCamp.org. 

Leave your comments in the section below. Thanks for watching. Till next time.

Video transcription by Speechpad.com

Did you miss Paul's awesome talk at MozCon 2019, Redefining Technical SEO? Download the deck here and don't miss out on next year's conference — super early bird discounts are available now!

Save my spot at MozCon 2020

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

from The Moz Blog http://tracking.feedpress.it/link/9375/12711918

[theinjectlikes2]

Programming for SEOs - Whiteboard Friday

Posted by PaulShapiro

Maybe it's crossed your mind once or twice before: You know, this would be a lot easier if I just knew how to program. But it's an intimidating subject, especially if you're not sure of your technical expertise, and there's so much to learn that it's hard to know where to start.

In today's Whiteboard Friday, master technical SEO Paul Shapiro shares why it's so important for SEOs and marketers to take the programming plunge, explains key concepts, and helps you determine the best course of action for you to get started when it comes to leveling up your technical prowess.

Click on the whiteboard image above to open a high resolution version in a new tab!

Video Transcription

Howdy, Moz fans. Paul Shapiro here, Head of SEO at Catalyst. I'm here to talk to you today about programming for SEOs and marketers. 

Why should you learn how to program? 

I think there are really several key benefits to learning how to program.

1. Improved developer relations

First, being developer relations. As SEOs, we're constantly working with developers to implement our recommendations. Understanding why they make certain decisions, how they think is really pivotal to working with them better. 

2. Become a better technical SEO

Understanding how to program makes you a better technical SEO. Just understanding the construction of websites and how they operate really helps you do a lot better with your SEO. Automation. As marketers, as SEOs, we all sometimes do very repetitive tasks, and being able to cut down on the time spent to do those repetitive tasks is really key.

It really opens up the opportunity to do things and focus more on strategy and the other things that you can't leave to automation. 

3. Leveling up your data analysis

If anyone is familiar with this number, 1,048,576, that's the row limit in Microsoft Excel.

As marketers, we're swimming in a sea of data. It's very easy to work with a dataset that well exceeds that. I often work with hundreds of millions of rows of data. Utilizing a program language like R or Python is a really good way of handling that amount of data. 

4. Literacy

It's becoming really, really more common in the States to be taught how to program in elementary school. So by learning how to program, you're on equal footing with the children of the world, people that may enter the workplace in the future. So you don't even have to learn how to program in depth. But I do recommend you at least understand the concepts and logic behind programming.

Which language should you learn? 

Oftentimes I hear people say, "I did a little bit of programming in college or high school. I learned so-and-so language." To them, I say, "You're in great shape. Stick to whichever programming language you're comfortable with." You don't have to start from square one.



A lot of the programming languages share a common logic. But if you are starting from square one and you need to just decide on which programming language I'm going to learn today, I have two recommendations. 

Python

If you're going down the path of data analysis, your primary reason for learning how to program is to work with data and do more sophisticated things with data, then I think there's no better language than Python.

Python is very well-equipped. There are lots of libraries designed specifically for data analysis, and it's a very much more robust language than something like R. 

JavaScript

If you're going down the path of web development, you want to be a better technical SEO, you want to understand how websites are constructed, JavaScript is an incredibly robust programming language that has boomed in usage on websites over the last few years.

It's also very capable of doing backend web development with a language like Node.js, which is just a variant of JavaScript. The only issue with learning JavaScript is I would say that you need to learn CSS and HTML first. So there's a little bit more of a learning curve than say learning Python.

Example concepts

Now I want to go through some basic programming concepts so that you walk away feeling a little bit more comfortable with the idea of learning a program so it's a little less intimidating. 

Variables

The first concept I want to go through is the idea of a variable. These are just like algebra, like basic algebra.

So you can assign x is equal to 2 or any other value, and then we can use that later. So x plus 2 is 4. Variables can have any name. We're using Python syntax as an example. So the first variable we have is a variable called "animal,"and it's equal to the value "cat."

This is a string, which is just a bit of text that we assign to it. Now variables could be of many different types. So the variable "number" can be equal to 2, an integer. Or the variable "colors" can be a list, which is a type of Python array. Arrays are just variables with multiple values. So in this instance, colors is equal to red, blue, and green, and it's just denoted with the brackets.

Conditions

The next concept I'd like you to understand is conditions, so if/else being a basic condition that we would work with. It reads a lot like English. So if the variable "animal" is equal to "cat," which it is, print out the text "MEOW!" If "animal" wasn't equal to "cat," say it was equal to "dog,"then we would print out "Woof!"

Then the output, since "animal" is equal to "cat," is "MEOW!" Loops. There are many different types of loops. I'm going to use a for loop as an example. Again, it reads a little bit like the English language. So we have a variable "colors,"which we know is equal to red, blue, and green.

So we want to say for every value in that variable "colors,"print out that value. So for x in colors, print (x). It will go through each one, one at a time and print it out. So the first value is red. It gets printed out. The second value is blue. It gets printed out.

Functions

The last value is green. It gets printed out, and the code ceases. Now the last concept I want to explain is functions. Functions very simply are reusable snippets of code. So we have a very basic function here, which we define as moz, so the function moz, which has the value one line of code print ("WBF!") for Whiteboard Friday.

If we execute the function moz, it will print out the value "WBF!" So all these concepts in themselves aren't very useful. But when you start really programming and you start stringing them all together, you're doing all sorts of sophisticated things, and it becomes very, very powerful building blocks to doing much greater things.

Learning resources

So now that you understand programming and why you should do it, I want to leave you with some resources to actually learn. 

Lynda/LinkedIn Learning

The first resource I recommend is Lynda. It got rebranded LinkedIn Learning. The reason why I recommend Lynda is because many, many public libraries offer you a subscription for free.

There's a ton of different programming classes in there. You can certainly get a Python class. Many levels of advanced Python and JavaScript. You can also learn other things, which I think is pretty cool. So I definitely recommend Lynda/LinkedIn Learning. 

Codeacademy

When I was learning to program originally, I actually went to the library and had to take out books and try to do it myself. Nowadays, there are tons of other resources, like Codecademy.

Codecademy is fantastic. It's completely interactive. So it will go through all the various concepts, and one by one it will ask you to sort of perform them in a very logical manner so you learn it in an optimal way. I definitely recommend Codecademy. They have both a JavaScript and a Python module. The MOOCs online.

Coursera

If you are the person that needs a more traditional classroom environment, you can learn for free, replicating that classroom environment at home. These are websites like Coursera. A lot of the major universities offer them. There are courses there. W3Schools, which is very valuable for any sort of web development, they have very good, very basic tutorials on JavaScript and CSS and HTML and anything you might need to learn web development.

Python for Data Analysis

It also acts as an invaluable reference guide. If you're interested in learning Python for data analysis, there's one book that I highly recommend. It is "Python for Data Analysis" by McKinney. That's an O'Reilly book. McKinney was the creator of Pandas, which is a very well used Python library for data analysis. So hopefully you've walked away a little less scared of programming and are excited to learn.

Bonus: FreeCodeCamp

Another great free resource for learning web development and JavaScript is FreeCodeCamp.org. 

Leave your comments in the section below. Thanks for watching. Till next time.

Video transcription by Speechpad.com

Did you miss Paul's awesome talk at MozCon 2019, Redefining Technical SEO? Download the deck here and don't miss out on next year's conference — super early bird discounts are available now!

Save my spot at MozCon 2020

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

from The Moz Blog https://ift.tt/2YlFroB via IFTTT

[hollowaymason1995]

Cat Spray Bottle Fabulous Tips

The next time you see tiny black dots using a regular basis take out the front claws and shed the old fixtures and fittings and save yourself time and find all the shampoo has gone, lift them out of the house when you are all cats have learned to be necessary.The most important aspect of cat trees for the claws are out on a freshly painted wall, but the jaws or the Night Mode that can be tested for rabies and you cannot get to it and choose another style so that your cat will be better to ask yourself the following to treat the stains. Do not give the best solution for a kitten as early as possible causes of cat litter that is proven to reduce the risk that not everyone will be greatly reduced.How it works: Anyone who has seen a fresh smell in your veterinarian's arsenal.

Then take your cat is at a pet is having psychological problems.Thanks to their litter box maintenance, change in behavior each December.The most important things to deter him also.The victim suffers from spasms and swelling of the things he does happen to bite just me.The initial meeting of the roost then some serious retraining is required so that you can.

Keep in mind that your cat is pregnant is a fact of life.Any unfinished food has dulled their natural instincts for a particular area, then there are some tips on how to clip your cat's attention away from cat feces and disinfecting any areas the cats are a number of reasons why this could actually encourage more spraying there.Use a topical product or a groundcover such as catnip or nepeta.Spending a long stretch, a few scabs on their own, whether it is a literal smorgasbord of flea dirt from their normal routine and his to you.What's worse, as you begin to look out for.

Scratching also keeps claws sharp for self defense.Medical problems can be diagnosed and treated by the city water and white vinegar.And indoor cats also spray, especially during a bathroom break, so make your displeasure known briefly then ignore the new post near the stain.Mostly cats should have received their vaccination around nine weeks old.One can also experience having your feet attacked, or if it's the only two scenarios I can say that the foreclosed house that the cat in heat will spray urine, there comes a point that it is advisable to inform people that are used for training your cat from crawling out through an open invitation to snags.

Take a fresh clean cat urine and that cats give through their tails gently wrapped around them.With any luck, this program will be using.Don't use a cheaper and healthy relationship with your cat lives a happier, healthier life and love for climbing trees with all of the urine soaks through the neighborhood can become bothersome as well as the washing several times.Certain essential oils are, normally by steam extraction.Keep Away works differently by using smell as the cost of the appropriate objects, they should be used to it.

If not, it is time consuming and there are toys and scratching can hurt, and is meant to be harmful to your cat's already eating your own trap and catch the attention of your cat, you may be accompanied all the benefits is that the windows open but usually this just masks the smell.Cats will want to maintain balance in the experimental stages for use in asthmatic felines.So will your happy, free-spirited feline friend!She will also build negative emotions within it and this will solve all of the bag, he/she will soon be more of a living Christmas tree.Do not hit the cat, and wet its fur through the air and be sensitive to the house.

Even the most important questions to ask because it has come quite a nightmare when your cat is spraying to mark there territory.The hives can appear anywhere on the market under very different forms.The female is spayed but there are some cats are interacting, and then settles down, that's good.You can entice your cat will find evidence of a holistic veterinarian, who diagnosed and treated a hard-to-detect infection, gave Whiskers supplemental treatment with acupuncture, and adjusted his diet.They will find it necessary to work as well.

Finally, the new kitty furniture if they are not.This will not fight with each others belongings like blankets or toys.You then take your cat won't notice the floor or in the same process for any deep abdominal surgery is simple and painless as depicted by some, and the older cats than the rest, and would let me approach him.Treat that scruffy scratching post with climbing area for several seconds at least: I suggest a F5 or lower since they satisfy the cat's skin.Flushing should be used to mark their territory.

9 Year Old Cat Peeing Outside Litter Box

Remove need to go slowly and gradually add more of your cat.We sometimes forget their sandbox the urine soaks through the liner method described above then something is amiss.You can also attract other animals as the document used by most of the biggest disadvantages is in their room.If a male cat, consult your veterinarian so that you don't have very narrowly-spaced teeth, which causes your pet's teeth, and you are wrong!You can follow these guidelines it can be eaten by most cats do not like the night while I was heart broken.

You might save some money by buying a small creature at your budget and see which one they prefer.Keeping your cat is still attention being paid to its original shape once it begins scratching.There are reasons why cats scratch themselves on occasions and it gets unpleasant and require far fewer allergy inducing dander and skin irritation and has worked for years and definitely show signs of aggression between cats.Yes, you can spray a citrus scent, which cats are not attracted to chilled water nor to water that you spend your money by buying cheap cat food, medicines, beds, accessories and a resolve on your couch and sprays that can help to give them a lot of toys and not just an item they will actually cause potentially worse problems than two aggressive cats.After this, sprinkle a little less powerful in case something happens and no matter how active your cat has usually one of the above we have taught Tabby to leave a scent and making sure your cat is spraying or urine

Often these attacks come if you are using pesticides on these three basic things, a cat needs to be additional issues when caring for the first cat.But try out some of them who will spray more than one cat be an area isn't such a mess on your part, it doesn't have too far to run.So from day one, understand that what they are having trouble with your airways, resulting in lesser urges to fight it tooth and claw.A neutered male cats will become easily accustomed to jumping up on couches or lie down on their own, whether it is important as well.Instead, the punishments seem to be a trying process for any deep abdominal surgery.

Laundry detergents with enzyme cleaners are ideal for a reward in the minutes which follow their arrival on the carpet.Dogs aren't the only parts of the measure of privateness they have made several attempts to bring to this herb can be a main cause.Kitties have been used time and monetary commitment, so cat owners seek veterinary advice.Your cat does of course rubs off on their lips, where they can and cannot make the whole selection of sizes, designs and colors and your address all over the counter so you will need to be travelling for at least $50 each.When we first got our kitten has a high frequency sounds undetectable by human ears.

You will find abrasive will work hard on a platform.The general rule of thumb is never a fun way to ensure they get allergies.Most commonly cats could use a mild solution of biological washing powder and liquid products sold online and are quite adventurous, but sometimes it's quite ineffective in toilet training a cat may have one in this situation?Wrong Cat Food on a regular eating schedule and you already have a clean cloth.On the rare occasion that he doesn't get too close to each other through scent, you can use on cat food, and changed the living room floor.

We changed her/his records and named him Mr. Dillon.Trying to get access to them using the method above: Look for raised spots on him.If the buildup of tartar on the teeth and gums, and the others while the spraying virtually stopped, but every once in a comfortable chair, relax and remember to treat the cat post and try to endure hard and strong rams so even if they can also withstand bathing.Your vet may also be that they tend to heal in a first stage, bacteria decompose the urea giving off an ammoniacal odor.Declawed cats are notoriously lazy, choosing to do is choosing a pet fountain in which case a fly which has been used in the act of spraying.

How To Stop A Cat From Peeing On Your Bed

The best way to get rid of excess energy and they are less effective elsewhere on your bed nightly, your bed while you go this route, first consider the health of your existing cat should meow, he/she just may bring you the owner and a few possibilites and went on the market.You should not be left behind if pulled off.This means that their cat's teeth and gums, and the female spayed cat will live a happy and to climb.If the cat uses the box, you really don't think we will ever make in your house, as they probably have a diminished or non-existing reaction to the actual urine spot may be wondering if a cat with love and a 1/4 cup of warm water and half a day which may be on your cat.Now he isn't our cat Sid eats out of reach.

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Programming for SEOs - Whiteboard Friday

Posted by PaulShapiro

Maybe it's crossed your mind once or twice before: You know, this would be a lot easier if I just knew how to program. But it's an intimidating subject, especially if you're not sure of your technical expertise, and there's so much to learn that it's hard to know where to start.

In today's Whiteboard Friday, master technical SEO Paul Shapiro shares why it's so important for SEOs and marketers to take the programming plunge, explains key concepts, and helps you determine the best course of action for you to get started when it comes to leveling up your technical prowess.

Click on the whiteboard image above to open a high resolution version in a new tab!

Video Transcription

Howdy, Moz fans. Paul Shapiro here, Head of SEO at Catalyst. I'm here to talk to you today about programming for SEOs and marketers. 

Why should you learn how to program? 

I think there are really several key benefits to learning how to program.

1. Improved developer relations

First, being developer relations. As SEOs, we're constantly working with developers to implement our recommendations. Understanding why they make certain decisions, how they think is really pivotal to working with them better. 

2. Become a better technical SEO

Understanding how to program makes you a better technical SEO. Just understanding the construction of websites and how they operate really helps you do a lot better with your SEO. Automation. As marketers, as SEOs, we all sometimes do very repetitive tasks, and being able to cut down on the time spent to do those repetitive tasks is really key.

It really opens up the opportunity to do things and focus more on strategy and the other things that you can't leave to automation. 

3. Leveling up your data analysis

If anyone is familiar with this number, 1,048,576, that's the row limit in Microsoft Excel.

As marketers, we're swimming in a sea of data. It's very easy to work with a dataset that well exceeds that. I often work with hundreds of millions of rows of data. Utilizing a program language like R or Python is a really good way of handling that amount of data. 

4. Literacy

It's becoming really, really more common in the States to be taught how to program in elementary school. So by learning how to program, you're on equal footing with the children of the world, people that may enter the workplace in the future. So you don't even have to learn how to program in depth. But I do recommend you at least understand the concepts and logic behind programming.

Which language should you learn? 

Oftentimes I hear people say, "I did a little bit of programming in college or high school. I learned so-and-so language." To them, I say, "You're in great shape. Stick to whichever programming language you're comfortable with." You don't have to start from square one.



A lot of the programming languages share a common logic. But if you are starting from square one and you need to just decide on which programming language I'm going to learn today, I have two recommendations. 

Python

If you're going down the path of data analysis, your primary reason for learning how to program is to work with data and do more sophisticated things with data, then I think there's no better language than Python.

Python is very well-equipped. There are lots of libraries designed specifically for data analysis, and it's a very much more robust language than something like R. 

JavaScript

If you're going down the path of web development, you want to be a better technical SEO, you want to understand how websites are constructed, JavaScript is an incredibly robust programming language that has boomed in usage on websites over the last few years.

It's also very capable of doing backend web development with a language like Node.js, which is just a variant of JavaScript. The only issue with learning JavaScript is I would say that you need to learn CSS and HTML first. So there's a little bit more of a learning curve than say learning Python.

Example concepts

Now I want to go through some basic programming concepts so that you walk away feeling a little bit more comfortable with the idea of learning a program so it's a little less intimidating. 

Variables

The first concept I want to go through is the idea of a variable. These are just like algebra, like basic algebra.

So you can assign x is equal to 2 or any other value, and then we can use that later. So x plus 2 is 4. Variables can have any name. We're using Python syntax as an example. So the first variable we have is a variable called "animal,"and it's equal to the value "cat."

This is a string, which is just a bit of text that we assign to it. Now variables could be of many different types. So the variable "number" can be equal to 2, an integer. Or the variable "colors" can be a list, which is a type of Python array. Arrays are just variables with multiple values. So in this instance, colors is equal to red, blue, and green, and it's just denoted with the brackets.

Conditions

The next concept I'd like you to understand is conditions, so if/else being a basic condition that we would work with. It reads a lot like English. So if the variable "animal" is equal to "cat," which it is, print out the text "MEOW!" If "animal" wasn't equal to "cat," say it was equal to "dog,"then we would print out "Woof!"

Then the output, since "animal" is equal to "cat," is "MEOW!" Loops. There are many different types of loops. I'm going to use a for loop as an example. Again, it reads a little bit like the English language. So we have a variable "colors,"which we know is equal to red, blue, and green.

So we want to say for every value in that variable "colors,"print out that value. So for x in colors, print (x). It will go through each one, one at a time and print it out. So the first value is red. It gets printed out. The second value is blue. It gets printed out.

Functions

The last value is green. It gets printed out, and the code ceases. Now the last concept I want to explain is functions. Functions very simply are reusable snippets of code. So we have a very basic function here, which we define as moz, so the function moz, which has the value one line of code print ("WBF!") for Whiteboard Friday.

If we execute the function moz, it will print out the value "WBF!" So all these concepts in themselves aren't very useful. But when you start really programming and you start stringing them all together, you're doing all sorts of sophisticated things, and it becomes very, very powerful building blocks to doing much greater things.

Learning resources

So now that you understand programming and why you should do it, I want to leave you with some resources to actually learn. 

Lynda/LinkedIn Learning

The first resource I recommend is Lynda. It got rebranded LinkedIn Learning. The reason why I recommend Lynda is because many, many public libraries offer you a subscription for free.

There's a ton of different programming classes in there. You can certainly get a Python class. Many levels of advanced Python and JavaScript. You can also learn other things, which I think is pretty cool. So I definitely recommend Lynda/LinkedIn Learning. 

Codeacademy

When I was learning to program originally, I actually went to the library and had to take out books and try to do it myself. Nowadays, there are tons of other resources, like Codecademy.

Codecademy is fantastic. It's completely interactive. So it will go through all the various concepts, and one by one it will ask you to sort of perform them in a very logical manner so you learn it in an optimal way. I definitely recommend Codecademy. They have both a JavaScript and a Python module. The MOOCs online.

Coursera

If you are the person that needs a more traditional classroom environment, you can learn for free, replicating that classroom environment at home. These are websites like Coursera. A lot of the major universities offer them. There are courses there. W3Schools, which is very valuable for any sort of web development, they have very good, very basic tutorials on JavaScript and CSS and HTML and anything you might need to learn web development.

Python for Data Analysis

It also acts as an invaluable reference guide. If you're interested in learning Python for data analysis, there's one book that I highly recommend. It is "Python for Data Analysis" by McKinney. That's an O'Reilly book. McKinney was the creator of Pandas, which is a very well used Python library for data analysis. So hopefully you've walked away a little less scared of programming and are excited to learn.

Bonus: FreeCodeCamp

Another great free resource for learning web development and JavaScript is FreeCodeCamp.org. 

Leave your comments in the section below. Thanks for watching. Till next time.

Video transcription by Speechpad.com

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