#also posting him and othe things later today

[lunarlivs]

Omg that drarry collage has my heart. Like. The Malfoy's the morning after and Harry just sitting there like a good boy 😂😂😂

Also, I know nothing about Mr. Baby but I love him already.

harry really can’t think of a worse spot to be in, and he has faced literal DEATH!! i’m glad my humour works on other people too XD

MR BABY!!!! he is!!!! IMPORTANT!!!! he is draco (and harry’s) cat! the lore on when draco got him is not fully settled but it’s either a) cissy got him for draco the summer before eight year to cheer him up. or b) draco got him right after eight year. but anyway, they are b e s t friends, they are a team that no one can break appart. mr baby sleeps next to draco and follows him everywhere. draco has multiple picture albums filled with pictures of him that he will forcibly show to everyone.

mr babys hobbies include sleeping on HIS armchair (it used to be lucius’s but he took over it the first day home), hunting ants and spiders that crawl around the house, biting at every electrical cord he can find and eating cereal.

mr baby doesn’t really like harry, but if something scary happens (like post coming in or draco trying to hoover) he will hide under harry’s shirt for hours. he scratches him every time he walks by, so harrys shoes, socks and trouser legs are filled with little holes. harry loves it.

mr babys biggest idol is crookshanks, who could not care less about him. every time crookshanks comes over mr baby follows her around and meows really loudly. he desperately would love to play with her and shows off all his toys but she is very much not interested.

also harry and draco are pretty sure he thinks scorp is his child, he watches over him all the time and won’t let strangers get too close to him, esp as a baby. draco cries a little when mr baby changes his sleeping place from next to him to scorps bedroom. when scorp goes to hogwarts mr baby goes with him <33333

(also hello hi i gotta fangirl for just a second, your fic underneath it all is my absolute favourite favourite everrrr!!!! it’s so good and lovely and REAL i love love it!!)

[theaspen]

summary : Jay seems to keep appearing in your alternate nightmares. He acts as your night in shining armor, always helping you in your sleep. But when you try to stop the nightmares altogether he doesn't like it.

Genre : Thriller, angst.

pairing : Jay x you

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of blood, death and suicide. If you are sensitive to these subjects please don't read!!

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Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

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Authors note: It's honestly SO embarrassing that I'm posting this now LMAOAOAOA.

Uhm. I'm sorry. I hope you guys enjoy and leave some nice comments or feedback or anything tbh. And send me an ask, or comment below to be added to the tag list.

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Are you sure?” My uncle asks sceptically.

“Yes I'm sure.” I tell him firmly. 

This is the 10th time he's asked me this question today alone. What's a therapist gonna do? Besides, I'm sick of him pretending to care. 

“Uncle, I'm not really sure why you're so insistent on this. Is it because the press is outside? They want to interview you?”

It's a sharp dig at him and I know it. He's never cared about his own brother, never visited.

He scowls at me, “Careful, might I have to remind you that it isn't your father that's taking care of you, putting you in the best room with the best doctors.”

I glare at him as he walks away from the room. Well atleast the pathetic nice act is gone. 

Kyungsoo enters my room soon again, throwing a careful glance at my uncle. He was a big shot after all. With his more than successful firm.

“You good?” He asks.

“Yeah, um I think I'll just go for a walk.” I tell him rather shortly.

“Sure.” He says quietly, probably assuming I had an argument.

But truth be told, I'm avoiding him. I'm getting attached to someone who's just tolerating me for their job. It's not his fault I know but I can't get attached to those who won't stay once I'm up and gone. 

My mind goes to Jay for a tiny second. Hm. Maybe I should talk to a therapist. The dreams stopped for two days and usually I would be overjoyed at the idea of not just one but two full nights rest.

But I woke up feeling uneasy, I made a promise to Jay, someone who exists only in my head. But I made a promise nevertheless. 

There are so many things I want to ask him, so many. 

Why do I have no dreams? Why is it that I only ever have a blackout or nightmares?

Why is he saving me? 

I know I shouldn't, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me. I look down at my fisted hands and open them. There are two sleeping pills, I stole it from a nurse's bag when she wasn't looking. 

Sleeping pills and I aren't the best of friends. Sure they help me not have a meltdown from not being able to sleep for almost 20 hours but they also give me the worst types of nightmares.   Which right now happens to be something that I need. 

“Goodnight.”Kyungsoo tries to smile at me.

I meekly smile back , eager to down the pills and meet the one person who actually wants me to stay.

_________________________________________

The pills go down my throat ten minutes later. The small light creates a shadow of me in front.  The shadows shift, turning and twisting and I watch fascinated as they give a performance for me. 

I'm not afraid, a part of my brain thinks. What are the shadows going to do? They've been with me forever. Taunting me, trying to manipulate me. I've never given into any of their tricks. I've never trusted them. 

But when I'm all alone now, in a tiny closet peeking out from the hole and watching the shadows linger my heart picks up its beat. 

They come and they disappear again and again. I look through the tiny peep the closet gives and realise soon as they go behind every nook and creek that they are looking for none other than me. 

 

My hands reach out to clasp my mouth shut. My body folds itself as small as it can possibly go. Will the shadows think to look here too?

I shut my eyes forcefully. My other senses heightened until I could feel everything around me. The musty smell of the closet, my fingernails digging into themselves.  My feet numb, paralyzed. 

My breathing becomes slower, my arms start to unclench. I think they're gone. I think I can get out now. Escape to a place where they can't catch me. 

Before I know it, before I can even pull my hands away from myself. There's a strange hiss that comes inches away from me. A hand grabs my ankle and pulls me hard enough that I don't have time to scream. 

My head bangs against the hard wooden doors as I'm being pulled away. The impact is so hard that I can only clutch my head and groan as the hands keep pulling me away, dragging me on the rough wooden floors.

The splinters catch on clothes and skin. My chin is bleeding, but I can't even stop. Can't even catch a hold of myself as I try to catch myself breathlessly.  

There's a sharp turn to the right, and that's when I know that the shadows aren't just pulling me along aimlessly , they have a destination in mind. 

My eyes scan around desperately trying to catch hold of something to stop. 

Just then, a hand- a solid, real and warm hand catches me. A sudden stop to the journey. 

I know who it is before I can even look up. I clasp my hands with his. The shadows aren't pleased, they hiss and linger around My ankles. 

But when his hand keeps tugging me in, the shadows start to dissolve, materialise into nothing, losing their power. 

Jay's hands pull me again, even when the shadows disappear, he doesn't let go and I don't either.

When I gain a little strength into my limbs I finally pull away from the embrace. I look into his eyes, they are wide and scared, maybe even more than mine.

“Thank yo-”

“Why didn't you come?? You made a promise and you leave me all alone here?!” Jay yells angrily.

I pull away completely.  I was happy to finally see him again, but seeing his bloodshot face. The look of absolute rage in his eyes makes me stop. Brings the familiar uneasy feeling back into my stomach. 

“I'm sorry.” I mumble.

Jay looks at my crestfallen face, and immediately his face softens. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was just scared you left forever.” He says softly, “You're hurt a lot this time. Come here, let's clean you up.” 

He rips off a piece of his sleeves and starts dabbing it on my wounds.

His reassuring words don't chase away the moths in my stomach. 

“Jay..do you think I should see a therapist?”

Jay frowns at my words, “A therapist? What's that?” He asks curiously. 

“Umm. It's someone who helps you with your problems, like stress, anxiety…nightmares.”

Jay stiffens upon that. His hand paused on my chin. 

“But why…? I can save you. I save you every time.”

I shake my head,

“I can save you again, you won't even have to get hurt next time. Just trust me. That's all you need to do!”

I take his hands in mine, his eyes are trembling, 

“What happens when you can't?”

“..what”

“What happens when one day you can't save me? I can wake up, but what about you? What if something happens to you instead?” 

He shakes his head intently, “I don't care, I only exist because of you. If you're gone, then I'm alone again, I have no purpose.”

I stay silent at that, avoiding his eyes. 

The world around me seems to shift again, faster than it did before. 

“I think I'm waking up now.”

“Yeah.”

“Can't you…can't you appear in my dreams too? Not just nightmares?”

“I don't know.”

I can feel my resolve slipping at the sight of his tired face. He looks my age, but at this moment his face seems to have gone through a millenia worth of sadness. 

“I'll come back okay?” 

Jay just nodded. His fingers slip away from mine as he watches me disappear again. I never stay for long. He wonders whether it's because I can't or I don't want to. 

Jay fidgets with his fingers even after I'm gone. 

He thinks long and hard about how he could make me stay. Every time I've left, it's only because he saved me.

What happens when he makes me believe that she can't escape the nightmare anymore? 

________________________________________

Taglist : @sunjaylove @ryejigyu @keikeu

@excusemeimquirky @lollllllliiiiiiiiiiiipop

[mindutme]

T’owal T’uesday #5

Last week’s post was part one of T’owal translations of bits of the Epic of Gilgamesh from this post. My translations are of course from English translations, not from the original text! Today I’m showing a translation of the second fragment, which was translated by Herbert Mason. Here’s Mason’s translation, followed by my own:

Who are you? You are no one that I know. I am Gilgamesh, who killed Humbaba And the Bull of Heaven with my friend.

If you are Gilgamesh and did those things, why Are you so emaciated and your face half-crazed?

I have grieved! Is it so impossible To believe? he pleaded. My friend who went through everything with me Is dead!

No one grieves that much, she said. Your friend is gone. Forget him. No one remembers him. He is dead.

Enkidu. Enkidu. Gilgamesh called out: Help me. They do not know you As I know you.

“Yád hné? Hox hú hné sín ol tso su.” “Gílgamesh hú sú, hú sú sín k’ep ma we o iya su Humbaba a Besye Yen.”

“Os hú li hné Gílgamesh a tlé li fén xu, be úkye des hné, be p’úbxod don hwá hne?”

“Fyút sú fén udsen k’et! Pxu hox ól hné byóx ot?” sém mó ót. “K’ét we íya su athdas we o su fen ex!”

“Sín hox údsen e geson xu,” lál bós ót. “Dné we íya hne. Kxókyo oth mó. Sín hox fdál mó. K’ét we mó.”

“Énkidu, Énkidu!” k’ú Gílgames ót a í, “Nún oth sú. Ól hox il su mó hné.”

Below are a few notes on some aspects of the translation that might be interesting.

T’owal words are all one or two syllables long, and it so happens that the three proper nouns in this text are all three, setting them apart. In addition, T’owal doesn’t have the sound /ʃ/ (sh), so when it borrows a word with it I usually spell it as sy. This can be ambiguous within a word, as the sequence /sj/ does occur in T’owal, but as it occurs at the end of a word in this case it’s clear. A one-to-one transliteration of the T’owal would be Gílgamesy, but I went with sh to make it clearer.

I’m not certain how the name Enkidu would have originally been pronounced (and I’m not sure how well established that is by linguists anyway), but following T’owal’s strict pronunciation rules it ends up as [ˈɛŋ.kɪ.dʊ] or [ˈejŋ.kɪ.dʊ], depending on the case—all T’owal words have initial stress. However, since it’s a borrowed name it could be written as Enkídú/Énkídú to get [i] and [u] sounds instead, if not a later stress.

The opening question, yád hné?, is a fairly rude phrasing—though it can mean “who are you,” it can also mean “what are you.” A more polite version would be Sín yad hú hné?, literally “What person are you?”

The phrase k’ét we shows up twice in this text to mean “is dead.” However, it’s more literally “has died,” as T’owal generally just uses past tense forms in situations where English would use a participle. The same word k’et “to die” actually shows up twice earlier. First is k’ep ma we (with assimilation of the final stop). This is the causative form, so it means “killed” (as before, we marks the past tense). Second is in the phrase Fyút sú fén udsen k’et!, which is how I chose to translate “I have grieved!” More literally, it’s “I feel/have felt a death-sadness,” so in this instance k’et is being used as the noun “death.” There are actually several ways that “death” could be translated into T’owal, but that’s a subject for another post.

[royalfriday]

Hello welcome to this series of theorys .

Today we will look at Alice from genshin impact

Alice is Klee's mother

Alice is around 500 years old and she has been around Teyvat for years now and she is known for her experience and adventures and many other things. There are many theories on what her vision is, who is her husband and father of klee ,what she looks like and many other. BUT i haven't seen much about what her relationship with other characters is! So I am going to talk about. I am going to share my opinion and how i am seen it.

So so please take a seat and enjoy that theory time ✨

Number 1

Relationships

i) Diluc's family

At the last event that we heard from Alice, many players noticed something . A familiar set of tea. The same set that is at the Dawn Winari, more known as Diluc's mansion.

There are same theories that the set was there because of some othe mr theory. The theory that Diluc's mother was a witch and part of Alice witch group the hexenzihirkel circle.

Anyway we will talk about this one in another post. So in a thew words. Wad the paragraph from before, that Diluc's mother was a witch and the theory that his fathe Crepus is the missing 10th hardiger.

And here comes my part .

My view. Soo. Alice was friends with Diluc's family since the revolution (the period of Vanessa) and his family take care of the little creature Alice and with the years passing she saw the generations pass by until we get at the time of the period that Diluc's mother was alive and when she get married to Crepus and with the time skip we get to Diluc's time. We will say that Diluc's mother died at child birth so we leave it there.

Do Alice wants to take care of diluc like his past family members do with her but also because she promised to his mother that she will always look out to him for her. We also seen her write that to ger laters that she send after Crepus death.

And as we all know alice is there for Diluc , and she supports him when she returns from her journeys.

So with little words alice us like a "second mother" to Diluc.

And she loves him as her own child

And we are done with Diluc's part.😀

____________________________

ii) Kaeya🕊️

Kaeya's part is similar to Diluc's (since they grow together) .

And she loves him as her own child ....

( i feel sad because i can't spoil another theory about that topic)

____________________________

iii) Klee

Alice is her mother (since many don't know that!)

She may not be in het life as much (at least a as much we see!)

But she has done many things for her and has prove her love for her.

She made dodoco as a friend for her (also teach her how to make bombs! .... normal things 😃)

Also she gave her a island for her birthday because it reminded her of her!

She also has big trust to her since she gave her Barbloth's dairy

And many other things!

So their relationship is great!

____________________________

iv) Albedo

While he and Klee call each other brother and sister, it is worth noting that Albedo refers to Alice as Aunt. This familial dynamic indicates that Albedo is more of an adopted brother to Klee than an adopted son, highlighting the depth of their relationship.

He sees her as family. Even when she herself asks him to call her mother she says no to leave that title to his creator! 😭 That's cute!

And she has teach him many things and put him into the knights

That's for now!

Tell me who else should i add ! Bye!

[charliecartters]

you

yes you are the one account I definitely needed <3

Cartters is so underappreciated and underrated and I am glad to see someone else like this ship as much as I do

thank you very much :3, yes it is one of the couples with more scenes and development, it is very strange not to have the fame it deserves, but i know why:

1 - Kyman's shippers pushed Butters with anyone to beat Kyman's competition with Cartters, which resulted in that in my view on the show's canon make no sense, like "bunny", a crack shipp with such fame, "bunny" is the simple result of Kyman's "monoshipping" practice in the past, the majority kyman fandom at the time did not hide it and today they comment that they really did that, but thankfully most of them today are logical and super cool, I know that many like despite everything (the traditional shipp of the "rivals"). But i don't shipp Kyman, because since i saw the ep "ginger cow" i find it super "toxic and sick" and I saw that the relationship was not improving at all, on the contrary it was getting worse, reaching several attempts at mutual murder, they cut off all relationships in the current eps, and in the last movie Kyle literally ends Eric's life to live well at the expense of his disgrace. But I know many cool kyman shippers, and many currently support Cartters too, being multishipper is the solution to all problems <3

2 - People fanfic the characters a lot, and ignore how they really are, and the things the characters do, Bunny shippers totally ignore what Butters really is, and keep the "fanart/fanfic image" of innocent Butters who never does anything wrong and always helps everyone, which is totally wrong with reality, Butters bullied other boys long before he was Cartman's friend, tied Mark to a bench with duct tape because he was a "nerd" and helped spank Kyle because he didn't " follow the fashion", all this nothing related to Cartman, when other boys need help he doesn't care, for example when Stan was having a problem as his grandfather Butters says "I have more to do / that's not my problem", When Kyle get into trouble Butters makes fun of him, "LOL Goes bad Jew", Butters is male chauvinist and despises all the girls, just like he did the move against the girls, but Bunny shipp invent that Butters loves and helps everyone (99% of time Butters is just plain cute and always willing to help only Eric) the funniest thing about this Bunny Ships fanfic is that Kenny goes save him from the clutches of evil Eric, this is really very funny, "Butters is obliged to be with Eric and suffers he doesn't liked to be involved on Eric's crazy plans" ( there are several times when Eric becomes different (becoming a "good boy") and Butters feel sad or feel very angry with Cartman because of this change, Butters always goes out of his way to bring Eric back to normal and later he literally jumps for joy at the return of old Eric. (eps: Oh, Jeez, Stunning and Brave, etc) for being able to participate in your plans again) I wanted to know where I find this alternate version of South Park they watch;

3.This may also be because the many person doesn't watch the show in order and sees random eps, and doesn't see character development, they think Eric and Butters relationship is the same as in Casa Bonita, and in eps like "Let Them Eat Goo" (which are eps that prove the opposite) they pretend to be blind not to leave the little fanfic world; and goes around talking nonsense calling their relationship "toxic and abusive", obviously in South Park everything has its problems like Tweek x Craig has eps showing their relationship problems, Cartters has a big development, where Cartman was just one of boys didn't like Butters, but nowadays they are best friends who trust each othe, in anything, I made a post about it "Cartters is 100% healthy?". (if you want, click on the name to see, or search for the name on tumblr)

4. This is a point for those who are more outside the fandom, but I also see a lot inside the fandom, which is simple fatphobia, A lot of people just hate the shipp because Cartman is fat and "Butters wouldn't be okay with fat boy ", because with a fat character the shipp doesn't look "cute" for them, and they prefer "skinny pretty" couples, this is clearly very sick, we get to see many drawing Cartman in lean versions.

etc

I could stay until tomorrow talking about it but I think it's good for now XD

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO, “Freak of Nature.”

A continuation from yesterday. I hope you all enjoy, and I hope you enjoy the setup for some other stories I am planning on doing :)

Have a good day!

Breaking News

The Galaxy is left stunned after the events of late yesterday evening, when a single armed shooter appeared from the crowd and fired on UNSC leader and cultural icon Admiral Vir during a routine press conference given at UNSC headquarters Fort Harmony on the eastern Mericandian coast. Reports describe the event as happening midway through Admiral Vir’s address as the single, hooded female pushed through the crowd and drew a handgun on the Admiral firing once before fleeing into the crowd. She was apprehended by armed security agents only moments later as she tried to flee the scene. On scene witnesses report that an accompanying marine tackled Admiral Vir to the ground just as the shot was fired.

 In a statement made early this morning by Admiral Vir  he reports that, “Thanks to the brave actions of Corporal Angel Ramirez I am alive and unharmed.” Corporal Angel Ramirez is a decorated veteren of the UNSC deep space division and served his first tour aboard the UNSC Enterprise on its maiden voyage. Since then he has served under Admiral Vir on both the UNSC Harbinger and most recently the Omen distinguishing himself in combat during the Burg war and the Kree engagement. Our sources report that Corporal Ramirez was once an up and coming champion in the Mericandian winter Olympic ice skating team before joining the marines. 

Reports say that the corporal came out of surgery early this morning and is in stable but critical condition. 

The only question remains is who would attempt an assasination on such a beloved cultural icon. More on that with our crime reporter Jim Shaw.

Thank you, Emily, early this morning we received reports from Fort harmony officials that the name and identity of the shooter is 37 year old Adrea Halen member of a traditionalist leaning moderate group the Hunt Party, who have condemned Admiral Vir in the past for his support of legalizing extrial relationships. President Hunt, leader of the hunt Party and CEO of Hunt Metals said in a statement today. “Our party had nothing to do with Ms. Halen’s actions, while we disagree with Admiral Vir on some fundamentals of government, we would never attempt to silence him through violence. At the end of the day Admiral Vir has done far more good than he has bad and no man deserves to die due to his political views. What Ms halen has done is condemnable, and the party does not support her actions.”

Further comment was withheld until a later date. As of yet police have been unable to determine if she acted alone or with the assistance of the group. Police chief Henry Winzer added in his statement today, “Ms. Halen has not, as of yet, divulged her motives behind the shooting, however based on preliminary evidence of the scene it seems as if these were the actions of a woman acting alone. Detectives have been unable to find any correspondence between her and a third party and even her husband had been out of the country for the past few months.”

Her motive remains, as of yet, unknown. There is evidence of a radicalized political view since she did attempt and target Admiral Vir, and some of her personal social media content has been leaked to the public reporting her dissatisfaction with going the GA and her open disgust for extrial activities especially in regards her oldest son who was in a relationship with a Finnari before moving to Noctropolis. We have since been unable to contact him.

In the past Admiral Vir has been known as a great political proponent in favor of extrial relationships, and a non isolationist view having once said that, “Cooperation and companionship with the GA will be the bedrock of human expansion into space.” With the popularity of Admiral Vir as a cultural Icon, it can be said that his political views have been influential on the younger upcoming generations of today, while the older populace still remains wary of political involvement with extraterrestrial life. In oth-

Adam shut off the TV sinking back into one of the stiff plastic chairs that adorned the hospital waiting room. His eyes felt grainy and dry, and his head ached dully behind his eyes. Off in the corner of the room much of Ramirez’s family lay asleep on the plastic chairs including his father and otters who had arrived late last night. They had fallen asleep after a nurse ventured in a few hours to go to let them know that he was stable and alive. Adam himself had not been able to sleep thinking about his friend, replaying the moment over and over in his head wondering if there was something he could have done to prevent all of this from happening. But the more he thought the more he realized that it was probably unlikely. He might have been able to dive out of the way himself before the shot was fired, but Ramirez was already in motion before that.

He couldn’t have seen it coming, no one could have, and no one did.

Ramirez had just been the fastest.

He sunk back into his chair miserably and stared at the wall. There were no windows in this room, the guard detail had insisted upon it incase someone else tried for his life. It all seemed so strange to him. Why would anyone want to kill him? 

He knew the answer though, as much as he wanted to think he was just some nobody, he wasn’t anymore. He was… a political figure, someone who could influence what happened in the galaxy and there were plenty of people who weren’t bound to agree with him on a lot of things.

He just wondered why he hadn’t seen this coming sooner.

His implant buzzed, and he looked down to see that his mother was calling. Whoopse, she wasn’t going to be happy that she was just hearing about this over the news, but he knew he needed to talk to her. He stood and made his way into the hallway, where a protection detail eyed him hawkishly.

Closing the door behind him, so as not to disturb its sleeping occupants, he answered the call, speaking out loud as the implants in his throat and ear picked up the sound, “Hey, mom.” 

“Adam! Adam are you alright! I just saw the news.”

“Yeah, yea I’m ok.” He took a deep breath, “Sorry I didn’t call. It’s just been kinda hectic.”

“And you’re sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, I mean, I feel like shit but no bullet wounds….” he trailed off 

There was silence for a moment, ‘I’m so sorry sweetheart, how is Ramirez?”

“Doctor’s haven’t given us all the details yet, but he's at least alive and survived surgery.”

“Thank goodness…. We owe that boy.”

“I know, mom…. I know.”

Just then he heard voices off down the hall and turned to see Dr. kill and Dr Katie approaching from the wings.

“Mom, I’ve gotta go, but I’ll call you as soon as I can, Ok?”

“Ok.” 

She let him go and he hung up as the two doctors approached.

“How is he!”

They motioned him into the room and he followed just as Ramirez’s family members were waking up.

Adam hovered near the door not entirely sure if he was supposed to be there. Ramirez’s mother sat up, “Is h ok!”

Dr. Kati and Dr Krill glanced at Adam. Adam realized with Dr. patient confidentiality, and it being family, he probably wasn’t supposed to be here. He went to step outside, but Ramirez’s abuela waved him back.

Ramirez an Dr Katie nodded.

The little alien stepped forward towards the family, “I have both good and bad news.”

The group waited with bated breath.

“THe good news is that your son made it through surgery. He is stable and recovering in the ICU.” he glanced over at Katie, “The bullet went in through his back, through his right kidney and perforated some of his lower bowl. We were able to fix the tears but the kidney…. Was not salvageable.”

The family glanced back and forth between each other, “That…. That’s not so bad though. He has two….”

Krill shifted slightly, “Well that is the remarkable thing and also the bad news but…. Your son only had one kidney. We wouldn’t have noticed it were it not for our imaging, but it seems he has lived with this defect his entire life without complication.”

Dr. Katie Cut in just then, “Since he was born with the defect, his body compensated. The kidney that was destroyed was much larger than average…” She trailed off 

The family members looked between each other, “So…. So what does this mean.”

“We have him on dialysis right now, and he is going to need a kidney transplant.” Dr. Katie folded her hands, “There are a few options, there is always the possibility of getting him a donor kidney or equally possible and more…. Advisable would be to have a kidney grown for him using his own stem cells, that way we can grow him one like the one he lost considering there is no way for us to give him two. If he were to get a donor kidney, he would have to undergo chronic gene therapy to avoid medications that would leave him immunocompromised. However in that case he would need to be medically discharged. If we were to grow him a new kidney, he would be able to return to his post without being discharged, but the cost is…. Admittedly much higher.”

The family glanced between each other their faces pulled into grimaces.

Adam knew their financial situation. He had heard stories about Ramirez growing up and knew enough to know that his family had never been well off. They had been close, his childhood had been excellent, but they had never been rich. Affording either of those options was going to be a stretch.

“Well we will have to talk about-”

“I’ll pay for it.”

The entire room turned to look at him.

“You-”

“I said I will pay for it. With the settlement for the court case, I can pay for it. He saved my life this is the least I can do, Please…”

His pleading was so plaintive that the family could hardly say no. He did have a point as well. Instead, he received an enthusiastic hug from Ramirez’s younger sister who clasped her arms around him and nearly snapped him in half with her strength. She was an olympic boxer after all, so he wasn’t surprised.

“Thank you thank you thank you.” She repeated.

Dr. Katie looked at him with a pointed expression, but she didn’t need to ask. He intended to pay for every last cent of Ramirez’s treatment even if he had to fight his abuela for it. He wasn’t entirely sure he’d win against her, but he would damn sure try if it meant doing something fo his friend.

He owed him after all.

And even if he didn’t Ramirez was his best friend. This wasn’t about owing him, this was about doing anything for someone he cared about.

Dr. Krill shifted in his place, “We will get the equipment ready and start later this week. I…. would be honored to perform the operation. I will be upfront with you and say that I am the universe's foremost surgeon, but I would also be the first Alien to perform a transplant”

“I of course, you saved his life last night-”

They seemed almost in shock. Everything was being paid for and the universe most renowned surgeon was practically begging to do it.

The only way this could have been better is if their son hadn’t been shot in the first place.

***

The steady beeping of the machine echoed around the room. Adam sat with one ankle crossed over a knee looking down at his implant and absently reading through that day’s news report as a soft whirring came from the machine just to his right. He wasn’ technically supposed to be here, but the doctors had made an exception for him and the family. On the other side of that a glass tube was busy growing an extra kidney. There was security outside the door and a doctor came in every few minutes to check on the kidney, and the man to which the kidney belonged.

Adam scrolled dow.

There was a shifting just to his side, and with relief Adam looked up to find Ramirez stirring. The man tried to open his eyes but squinted against the light and groaned raising one IV tethered hand to block the light.

Adam leaned over resting a hand on his arm, “Hey you’re finally awake.”

Ramirez cracked an eye at him and groaned.

“Come on ya freak wake up.”

Ramirez closed his eyes again, “Why…. When I wake up do I have to see your ugly ass.

Adam snorted, “How sweet, freak.”

“Freak, have you looked at yourself lately.”

“At least I was born with all my kidneys.”

Ramirez opened his eyes and frowned, “What?”

Adam smiled slightly, “Turns out your dumbass has lived his entire life with only one kidney. Congratulations, you are a freak of nature.”

“No shit, really? I had no idea.”

“We know, anyway the bullet sort of ruined it, so you have to get a new one. He pointed across the room to the glass tube and its slowly growing kidney which was no bigger than a jellybean right at that moment.”

Ramirez looked and frowned, “Ew, gross… wait who's paying for that,because I don’t think the military covers transplants.”

“It's taken care of.”

“By who.”

“By someone.”

“Someone who.”

“Someone who would rather remain unnamed.”

Ramirez looked at him,”It’s you isn't it.”

Adam sighed, “You saved my life, so shut up and let me buy you a new kidney. I owe you that much at least.”

“Fne, fine.”

There was a pause between them.

“I….. thank you, for saving my-”

“Dude don’t get all sappy and shit on me ok. You would have done it for me.” Adam went quiet still wishing to thank his friend but knowing Ramirez would never accept i.

Ramirez shifted to look at him, “So, you know why they tried to kill you?”

Adam shrugged, “Not really, the lady who did it has some political affiliations who don't tend to agree with me, but that connection doesn't seem to fit completely. Either that or she blames me for making her son an extrial in which case….. That hardly makes sense either.” he shrugged, “Either way she isn’t talking, and now I can’t go anywhere without five to six bodyguards spilling out my ass.”

Ramirez snorted, eyes closing, breathing deeply.

“You feeling ok.”

“Yeah…. I’m alright, just tired.”

“Then go back to sleep ya big idiot. Maybe if you’re a good boy santa will leave a kidney under your pillow.”

Ramirez let off a weak huff, “Didn’t know santa was a black market organ dealer.”

“He is this christmas, now shut up and go to sleep.” Ramirez didn’t argue with him beyond that point, and fell back asleep just as a nurse ws coming to check on him.

Adam was relieved. 

Ramirez was, hopefully, going to be ok.

Though what remained were far more questions than there were answers. 

[polysona]

Honestly Persona 5 was on of two things that sparked my poly shiping and hasn't died down and thus this tumbler!

Heres some headcanons for the polytheives who created this monster ive become!

Yusuke was the on to propose the idea!

Akira had been thinking about it but Yusuke said at a one of there hangouts to him, and he approved so they went around individually asking everone!

Mona can switch between cat and human! Larenza gave morgona a human form and he got to join the poly he also got a new phantom theif outfit! Everyong helped him adjust to his new form and his ability to switch into a cat to spy on people.

Two of Akira's parents come to visit regularly.

Akira has nine parents, in this au the IT are Akira's parents they adopted him after they deemed his parents un fit cuz of the whole we dont care if he's innocent. The adoption didnt go throught untill around December so he changed his name mid year to Akira Kusuru-Narukami.

There are people in the group that aren't phantom thieves those being Mishima and Shiho. They're honestly quite cute.

Ryuji was the last to join cuz they asked him last despite what Akira said they were worried because they had found out about his therapy for his leg and and depression. Especially when they found out they helped cause some of it.

Ryuji tells the alot that he's been going to concealing for a long time but only recently did he start physical therapy it's why he can run better than he when he broke his leg. He hasn't told them why he started therapy but Ann, Shiho, Mishima, and Akira know.

From time to time tho Yosuke and Teddie will pop in to leblanc to see how he was doing but he'd always be out so he'd ask sojiro but never said that they were adopting him. During his time in the city Teddie would randomly poke around telling everyone that 'their little Aki smelled like shadows' and he wasnt wrong.

I'll post more later but it's just this for now don't want to long of a post just yet. I've also got to do my othe accounts HCs today. Bye Guys!

[tisfan]

Strawberry Level Screw Ups

Contributors: @27dragons and @tisfan

Square: G3 - Poly Title: Strawberry Level Screw Ups Warning: None Rating: Explicit Relationship: Bucky/Tony/Nat Characters: Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts Tags: BSDM, Bucky’s been a bad boy, orgasm denial, threesome, oral, anal, vaginal, pegging Summary: Bucky had one job. ONE. He screwed it up. Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20220649 Word Count: 7950 Posted for @winterironbingo

“Ms. Potts needs to speak with you, boss,” Friday said. “And I quote, like now, Tony.”

Tony grunted, reaching for his jeweler’s screwdriver, and threaded it through the tiny gap in Bucky’s arm to nudge the new gasket into place. “I’m kind of up to my elbows right now. Well, I’m up to Bucky’s elbow. Tell her I’ll be done here in like... two hours.”

“Tony--” Pepper’s voice came over the speaker, “this is a Strawberry level of screw up if I don’t see you in the boardroom in exactly twenty minutes, in a suit. I have been sending you reminders every two hours for the last three days, you have no excuse.”

Tony paused, glanced toward the clock on the wall. “Today’s Wednesday?”

“Same as it was last week, funny how that happens,” Pepper said. “Get. Up. Here. Now.”

Bucky blinked. “What’s a Strawberry level screw up?”

“It means I’d better get changed and get to the boardroom in the next three minutes or you’re not going to have a boyfriend anymore.” He sighed and closed the access panel. “I’m not done with this, so don’t let your arm get anywhere near any liquids until I can get back and finish replacing the gaskets and seals, got it?”

“Sure,” Bucky said. “I’ll go catch some television or something.” He stood up and tugged his sleeve down carefully until all that was left showing of his arm was the shiny fingers and about two inches of wrist and forearm.

Tony tugged Bucky down for a quick kiss, and then a second one-- “That one’s for Nat,” he instructed-- and then ran for the bathroom at the back of the workshop where he kept an emergency change of clothes.

To give Pepper credit, the meeting was both important and highly dependent on Tony showing up. The two minute brief was enough to get him on the right page and closing the deal with the Wakanda Science Academy was a huge feather in Stark Industries’ cap. 

It also meant that it was several hours before Pepper had to nudge him to stop talking theory with Princess Shuri and let everyone go to sleep.

And even with Pepper’s gentle but insistent nudging, Tony and the princess kept throwing things back and forth as they set up a meeting for later in the week. Shuri was brilliant, snarky, and arrogant, so naturally Tony liked her enormously.

He was still on something of a science high as he made his way back to the penthouse, sparking off ideas in a continuing stream -- Wakandan tech powered by Stark reactors, the uses of vibranium as the fuel source for a reactor, relays twenty times faster than any other electronics on the market, with a third the interference, Wakandan processor cores in everything from Stark phones on up to server arrays... Friday’s servers would be exponentially faster and more powerful, and the things he could do for the team! He could halve the weight of Bucky’s arm, for one thing, while making it even stronger. He could integrate Wakandan shielding in everyone’s armor. And oh, the spy gadgets he could build for Nat!

He was humming happily as the elevator opened on the common room.

(more below the cut)

“Hey there--” Bucky said, looking up sheepishly. He had a soda in his right hand, took a long gulp of it before putting it down. “--glad you’re back. I mighta…” He stood up, displaying the left arm, which was tucked against his chest in a sling, the fingers completely limp. As Tony looked, a few sparks dripped out of the elbow.

“Oh, Christ, baby, what happened?” Tony rushed forward, cupping the base of the arm and leaning to look. “Are you okay?”

“A little technical difficulties,” Bucky said. “I… uh. Look, it’s way better now that I got the power deactivated, but I can’t move it. Do you think… maybe? We could fix it first an’ you can yell at me about it later?”

Tony froze for a second, then looked up at Bucky. “Am I going to need to yell at you about it?” Just as he said that, his hand brushed along Bucky’s elbow, and-- “Why is your arm sticky?”

“I thought it might make things worse to wash it out?” Bucky suggested, making a face. He shrugged, lopsided. “Ain’t--” More sparks glittered out of the elbow. “Heh, Stevie might like that, I look like a damn sparkler.”

Tony ignored that, bending further to look at the arm up close. “What did you get in-- is this ice cream? How did you get ice cream in your elbow?”

It was, perhaps, just bad luck that the elevator doors opened from the downstairs level, and Natasha came fuming up through the common room, holding-- an ice cream lid. “Someone ate all my ice cream,” she seethed, brandishing the lid. “My special, expensive. Imported. Ice cream.”

Bucky edged slowly behind Tony, like that was going to help.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Tony said. He reached back and snared Bucky’s sleeve, pulling him back out. “I told you that arm wasn’t sealed and you managed to get Nat’s ice cream in them? You are in so much trouble. I’m not even going to have to do anything, just stand back and let Nat at you.”

“I didn’t eat yer damn ice cream,” Bucky protested. “The grip’s off. I was gonna have like two bites, it’s the creme brulee, you know I like that stuff, an’... the container just sorta… exploded.” Bucky made a gripping gesture with his right hand. “Splurt, everywhere. I cleaned it up. Mostly.”

“Of course the grip is off! You’re missing like half the seals in there, including the ones that register pressure!” Tony sighed. “And now we have to do something about Nat’s mood before she starts destroying things.”

Nat sighed, running her finger through the melted bit of ice cream left on the lid, rather suggestively licking the creamy goo off. “I can think of a few things--” she said, and when she finished walking into the room, her hips had taken on that… sway. “You fix the arm, and then-- you will be punished.” She pointed a finger at Bucky.

Bucky swallowed, glanced at Tony. “Uh-- that kind of punishment?”

“Yes,” she purred. “Tony will be rewarded for all his hard work on your behalf, and I will be pacified.”

Tony’s dick seemed to think this was an excellent suggestion. From the way Bucky’s pupils were growing, Bucky’s dick seemed to be on board, as well. Tony reached out to tuck his arm through Nat’s. “Maybe our snowflake needs to learn the value of patience,” he suggested.

“I’m a goddamn sniper, there ain’t nobody on this team with more patience than I got,” Bucky protested. “What I need is somethin’ to eat an’ for my damn arm to not be on the fritz.”

“You eat,” Nat said. “You will need it. And you-- fix him, so he is not whining unnecessarily. Necessary whining is still open for debate. I will-- get set up. And no fooling around. I know you get a boner for tech, but keep it in your pants. I want him nice and… impatient.”

Nat bent over, offering a rounded posterior to Tony while she kissed Bucky, wet and slick and noisy, until he was panting hard into her mouth.

Tony let himself enjoy the view. How he’d managed to hook up with two of the hottest people on the damn planet, he wasn’t sure, but he was absolutely going to enjoy every single moment of it. He watched unabashedly until she’d pulled away from Bucky with a sensuous pout and sashayed out of the room.

Tony blew his breath out as the door closed behind her. “Whew. Okay, Klondike, let’s get you a snack and get you cleaned up.” 

Bucky hadn’t looked away from the Nat as she walked away. “You know, she… uh, can be pretty cruel when she’s in the mood to play.” He slanted a look at Tony. “Better eat somethin’ yourself. And a whole pot of coffee. She’s gonna want you lively.”

“Yep,” Tony agreed. He started the coffee pot and rummaged in the fridge for fruit and cheese. “You can feed me while I work on your arm,” he said, and gestured at the kitchen table.

Bucky pulled the arm out of the sling, tugged off his shirt, and sat down, resting the poor, dysfunctional thing on the table with a thud. “Yeah, reckon I can do that,” he said. Bucky might sometimes be impulsive, and prone to reckless behavior, but he was also the most sexual person Tony had ever met. When the man put his mind to it, he could be downright weaponized. 

Feeding Tony bits of cheese and fruit was a suddenly sensual activity. He poured one cup of coffee and shared it between them, making sure his mouth went exactly where Tony’s lips had been moments before, with rather a lot of suggestive looks.

If Tony wasn’t at least twice as good at tech as most people thought he was -- maybe even five times as good -- Bucky might have ended up with his arm glued on backward.

As it was, it took Tony longer than he’d planned to clean out all the half-dried ice cream and restore the arm’s functionality. Because Tony was, actually, still capable of at least a little rational thought even while aroused, he pointed sternly at Bucky. “I still haven’t finished with this,” he said. “We’re just back to where you were when I left this afternoon. So no more ice cream.”

“Pretty sure Nat’s gonna bolt me to th’ wall. Gettin’ ice cream in my fingers ain’t an issue,” Bucky said, and he gave Tony a wink. “Not sure what she’s gonna do t’ you. But it outta be fun.”

Tony washed his own hands and threw a smirk at Bucky. “Yes, it should.” He gestured grandly in the general direction of the bedroom. “After you.”

*

Nat knew the value of a good costume. More than the name and the fake background, putting together an outfit was the key to really becoming someone else. She knew what Bucky liked -- lots of personal attention. Hydra had treated him like a thing, never caring one way or the other if he liked a thing, or hated it. 

They hadn’t taken any pleasure in his pain, it was merely necessary. 

Tony, on the other hand, was completely playful in bed, sensual and attentive. It was, really, the best thing for Bucky, and she’d been thrilled, watching him blossom under Tony’s nearly awed adoration. 

And what Natasha prefered, if she had to be honest, and standing in the middle of the bedroom, trying to plan a scene, she really did need to be honest, was having control. 

Hmmm. That was an idea. She dug through her extensive wardrobe and put together an outfit. Of the things Tony actually liked, versus the things he thought people expected him to like -- Tony preferred competence and intelligence. Sexy librarian look it was, with a full kit of inappropriate lingerie underneath. She’d noticed that Tony liked thigh high stockings and garter belts. She left the blouse unbuttoned enough for the men to be able to see the edges of her bra, and the material was gauzy. It’d be see-through if it got wet.

The glasses made a nice touch. 

She pinned her hair back in a tight bun; looking messy would come later.

Practical, just a little bit slutty. Well, one more button undone. A lot slutty.

That was her look taken care of. She dragged out the toy box and started assembling the heavy-duty bondage gear. Bucky’s super strength made normal ties and cuffs difficult. She wondered briefly if Tony would appreciate some of the uses to which she’d put his super villain restraints.

On the plus side, super soldier resistant -- and Hulk resistant, for that matter -- furniture was standard issue.

She hooked the stocks to the bed frame, and then sat primly in the straight backed chair next to the bed and waited for the boys -- her boys -- to arrive.

Bucky came through the door first, Tony right at his heels, close enough that when Bucky stopped moving to take in the scene -- eyes flicking over Nat, pupils widening, and then skirting sideways toward the bed -- Tony ploughed right into him.

“What the hell,” Tony complained. “Get out of the way, you big oa-- Oh.” He stared at Nat, wide-eyed and practically drooling already.

Nat very deliberately shifted, crossing her legs and letting the skirt ride up her knee to show off her thigh. “Did we have a productive repair?”

“We, uh.” Tony stared for a moment longer, then shook himself. “Yes? Yes. He’s got movement again. We should avoid any liquids on that arm, though.”

“Thanks again for all your-- effort,” Natasha said. She stood up and ran a hand over the stocks. “These, too. I borrowed them, sort of permanently.”

Tony followed the movement of her hand and blinked at the sight of the stocks. “So that’s where they went,” he said. “Huh. Okay.” He eyed them again, then turned to raise his eyebrows at Bucky. “Ready to take your licks, soldier?”

Bucky shivered, then nodded “Okay, yeah… yeah, I think so.”

Natasha let her lips spread in an interested, eager, creampot smile. “Oh, this is going to be fun. You-- strip. You-- come here, darling and give me a kiss, would you?”

Tony obeyed eagerly, pushing past Bucky to claim her mouth. He took his time about it, unhurried, slow and sensual, one hand cupped around her neck, the other tracing lightly up and down her arm. He didn’t pull away until the soft sounds of Bucky undressing ended.

Nat let herself soften; she didn’t have to. They’d taught her well how to let her emotions stay completely under her control, but Tony liked her soft, so she would be soft for him. “You are a very lovely man,” she told Tony, running a finger over his lip to make it tingle. “And you--” she turned her attention to Bucky, “--are a very bad boy.”

Bucky’s grin was rather unrepentant.

“What do you think,” she asked Tony, “facing out so he can see us, or facing the wall, so you can punish his ass as you see fit?”

Bucky twitched, his thighs clenching and his dick, already at half mast, swelled a little more. He was a beautiful man, Natasha thought. Different from Tony, but just as beautiful. She was, she decided, a very lucky woman.

Tony appeared to give it some consideration, eyeing Bucky hungrily, which only made Bucky even more eager. “I think he should see what he’s missing,” Tony decided. He leaned in to nuzzle along her jaw. “It’s a view worth watching.”

Natasha nodded. “All right--” She picked up one of her favorite toys from the box, a leather crop. “Two licks, to give you something to think about.” She walked around Bucky as if he was an item in the store she was considering buying and smacked that perfect ass twice, once on each cheek before ordering him onto the bed.

Tony took the crop when she was done, running his hand up and down it, watching, as if he was considering getting in a few licks of his own. But he didn’t say anything, just watched, smile teasing at the corners of his mouth.

Bucky climbed onto their wide bed, pushing pillows out of his way. 

Natasha considered him, and then arranged him in a seated position, back up against the wall. He made a face at the temperature of the metal against his back. She placed his wrists in the cuffs, arms bent. Bucky gave her a smoldering look as she was crawling over him, getting him in place, and while she locked down the metal wrist, he leaned forward, licking her breast through the material of her shirt, causing one nipple to peak.

“Naughty,” she scolded, and apparently he was all in, because he raised his legs to wrap around the small of her back, tugging her down and making her sprawl inelegantly over him. “Very naughty. Tony, see if you can find-- there should be some leather sheathed chain and a good sized padlock in the chest, please. Apparently our bad boy isn’t vulnerable enough.”

“You got it,” Tony agreed. He rummaged in the chest for a bit. Being Tony, he got distracted once or twice -- “Oh, hey, now this looks fun, we definitely need to play with this sometime.” and “Okay, I don’t even know what this is. How do you-- Oh. Oh. Nice.” But after a moment, he brought her the chain and the heavy padlock.

He smirked at Bucky as he handed them over to Nat. “You’ve decided to earn every bit of your punishment, haven’t you?” he asked, amused.

Bucky nudged Tony with his knee, spreading his thighs appealingly wide. “Wouldn’t you?”

It took a few minutes of shifting things around to get the leather wraps placed so that Bucky’s skin wouldn’t get pinched between links. Uncomfortable was all good and well, unintended injuries were another thing entirely. She arranged the chain just above each knee, and then slid the whole thing over the stocks, pulling Bucky’s legs up in a sling, thighs spread wide, and all of him on display.

She locked the chain just to one side of his throat, and let the ends dangle down, rattling against the metal arm. “What do you think, a pleasing picture, yes?” 

“Very pretty,” Tony agreed. He came over to the side of the bed to look Bucky over. He reached out with the tip of the crop and gently poked at Bucky’s balls, dragged the tip up Bucky’s cock. “Yes, very nice, indeed.”

Bucky twitched, let his head lean back against the wall, a soft moan coming from his throat. "Yeah that's very nice," he repeated.

Tony’s smirk stretched a little, and he popped the inside of Bucky’s thigh with the crop. Not hard, just enough to turn the skin red for a few seconds before Bucky’s supercharged healing made it fade away. “Be good,” he chided. He dropped the crop on the bed, where Bucky would be able to see it, the threat (or promise) that it held, and leaned over the bed to kiss Nat again, cupping her breast through the fabric of her shirt, teasing the nipple with his fingertips. “Where do you want me?”

Natasha considered it, shrugging one shoulder which let her shirt slide down.

“Oh, well, if you don’t have any grand plans, I say we start right here.” Tony sat at the foot of the bed, his legs spread in a V that almost mirrored Bucky’s, and beckoned to Nat. “Come here, sit where he can see how beautiful you are.” He drew her up against him, leaning back against his chest, and nibbled at her neck while he slowly unbuttoned her shirt, pausing to tease and toy with her, making her arch and squirm and sigh.

Of course she was beautiful. Like her strength, her cunning, her training. Everything, picture perfect. Sometimes, sometimes with her boys, she could almost feel that her wants meant something to someone. That they meant something to her.

Tony liked her, and he liked her to feel. Wanted her to let it go, the control, the plan. He liked it best when she didn’t have plans, when she just went with whatever felt the best.

She turned her head to the side, letting him make love to her neck. His hands slid across her skin. She loved his hands, the fingers callused, knuckles heavy. He moisturized like crazy -- she knew his skin care routine as well as she knew her own, but there were some things even Oil of Olay couldn’t hide. He worked with his hands. 

Honest work.

She let him work on her. From the corner of her eye, she watched Bucky watching them. He chewed his lip, staring intently.

“Enjoying the show?” Tony taunted, sliding Nat’s shirt down and sprinkling kisses over her shoulders. “Too bad you’re all the way over there. You know how much Nat likes it when we’re both touching her.”

Bucky wriggled a little, made a little toss up gesture with his hands. “I’m not th’ one keepin’ you over there.” He shifted again and Natasha could watch as the muscles in his thighs flexed, clenched. 

Natasha shifted her legs until she had her high heels tucked up against her thighs, spread her knees to let Bucky look straight up her skirt. Bucky moaned, stuck his tongue out at her childishly when he could tell she was looking at him. 

She wasn’t actually touching herself yet. Yet.

Let him think she was.

“Do you like the glasses, Tony?” She twisted her neck to look at him over her shoulder. “Picked them out especially for you.” She kissed him, let her lips drag over his cheek, and the whole time, she moved one hand between her thighs. 

“Of course I like the glasses,” Tony said. “Gives you that sexy librarian, hot-for-teacher vibe. Mm, that could be some fun roleplay sometime. What d’you think, Buck, hm?” He drew it out, twisting her nipples lightly, dragging his beard over the soft skin of her neck. “Sound like fun to you?”

“She does have kinda a shush you look on her face right about now,” Bucky confirmed. Natasha watched him watch her, the way his eyes moved slowly down her body to the hand between her thighs. She spread her fingers, knowing there would be too much shadow for him to see clearly. Moved her finger, down, and up. Mesmerized by the way he watched her, as if he couldn’t look at anything else.

“Well,” Natasha said, rolling the words around in her mouth, feeling them. She selected a few of them and gave them to Tony as a gift. “I notice Bucky’s checking me out, and I’m… feeling overdue for a little pleasure.” Bad puns and cheesy pickup lines. They were like catnip for Tony.

Tony laughed -- which was catnip for Bucky -- and said, “I’ll do my best to get you feeling Dewey.” His hand wandered down her stomach and teased at the edge of her skirt, toying with the tang of the zipper.

“You are impossible,” Natasha said, laughing. “That was terrible. I love it.” She arched her back, breasts thrusting up, letting Tony cup one. She liked this, the play, the sense that no one knew their lines, but they had a general idea of where they were going with it. The zipper went down a little, and then a little more.

“You know what I think,” Bucky said, like they were having a conversation. “I think Tony has waaay too many clothes on for this party. Like, I’m th’ only one bare-assed around here, that’s hardly fair.”

Hmmm. “Well, you know, he may be right.” She let the shirt fall away, and stood; the loose zipper showing off a few inches of her hip. “You are overdressed.” 

Tony always looked at her like he wasn’t sure she was real; some fever dream that he was going to wake up from.

“Can I loosen your tie?”  

Tony spread his hands in invitation, and tipped his chin up for her. As she leaned in to tug carefully on the silk, he said, “I’m stuck on how he thinks this is going to be in any way fair.”

Natasha chuckled wickedly. “Well, he’s still got his delusions.” She pushed Tony back onto the bed, hiking the skirt up to crawl over his thighs. “Besides, I can have so much fun with you, when you’re undressed.” She left the tie about halfway undone, and unbuttoned his shirt, showing a few inches of skin at a time. “I always like a man in a nice suit.”

Tony was elegant, image was just as much a weapon in his arsenal as hers. His skin smelled clean, his beard perfectly trimmed, his skin soft, supple. She nuzzled at his throat, hiked the skirt up again until the tops of her stockings were showing, the little strappy bits of her garter belt revealed. And she could spread her legs wide enough to straddle his hips, showing off her derriere to Bucky. 

She gave a little wiggle as she settled over Tony. 

Tony’s hands came up as if on autopilot, resting on her hips for a moment and then roving, exploring the curve of her ass, teasing down her thigh to toy with the garters. “I’ll dress up for you anytime you like,” he promised. “Or were you referring to my birthday suit, there?”

“I like the suits,” she told him, fingers working over his belt. “There’s something empowering about peeling a man right out of them.” She slid the belt out of the loops and bent to kiss his belly as she tugged the shirt tail out of his pants. “Do you like that, being half dressed, looking rumpled and knowing that I want to just eat you up?”

“Any man who wouldn’t enjoy that is a fool,” Tony opined. He reached up to brush his knuckles down her cheek, then went back to letting his hands wander. “Or a solid eight on the Kinsey scale.”

“Lift up,” and she scooted back to pull Tony’s pants down to his thighs, showing off silken boxers. She loved that view, eye level to a man’s navel and just looking up at him. It burned low in her stomach, keeping her warm. “He can’t see a thing right now, can he, he’s got no idea what I might possibly do to you--” She shifted, opening the little button on Tony’s boxers and drawing his length through the hole. “Hmmm?” She ran one finger down his skin, from crown to base.

Tony shuddered a little and dropped his head back. “You can do anything you want to me,” he said, breathless, “as long as you keep doing that.” He reached out to pet her hair.

“Yeah? Just like this?” She used just the tip of her finger, up and down his length, slow and easy, giving him her best cream pot smile, her mouth less than two inches away. He could probably feel her breath on his skin. Up, and down. 

“Or maybe, this?” She met his gaze, smokey and hot, and kept eye contact as she lowered her chin, and took a long, slow taste.

His eyelids fluttered as he fought the urge to close his eyes. “Christ, Nat... Oh, god.” He lifted his head, peering past her at Bucky, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Doing okay over there, hot stuff?”

“Hell of a show,” Bucky said, and she could hear the click in his throat as he swallowed. “You two are the prettiest things, I swear t’ God.”

“You’re a damn fine sight, yourself,” Tony purred. “I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the whole-- ah!” he gasped. “God, Nat, that’s so fucking good.”

She twisted her neck, took in the head of his cock, flicking her tongue along the ridge. “You’re about to be,” she told him, and then rose up so she could swallow him down, stretching her lips around him, feeling the heavy weight of him against her tongue.

He groaned, legs quivering as he fought the urge to thrust up. “Nat, oh...” He rocked his head back and forth, each breath rasping through his throat. “God. I want to touch you, sweetheart, want... Want you to ride me, let me make you feel good.”

“We can do that,” Natasha said, her voice a little raspy as she pulled off him with a loud, lewd pop. She licked her lip, soothing the corners of her mouth. “I know you want me to leave the stockings on, you want the skirt gone, or just shove it up?” She sat back, reached behind her with one hand and unhooked the bra. Oh, thank god. The weight and easy swing of her breasts, free from that ridiculous contraption. God, she hated underwire. Stupid stuff. It did make her look good, though.

“Hmm, get rid of it. We can’t be depriving Bucky of his show, right?” Tony grinned at her and winked. Then he curled up, wrapping his arms around her and lowering his mouth to her breast, sucking and licking at her nipple.

Natasha arched back, practically bending in half to press herself closer to that clever mouth, that teasing tongue. Jolts of pleasure sped through her and she threaded her fingers through Tony’s hair, keeping his head right where it was.

For a long, blissful moment, she could almost forget that she’d been trained for this, selected for this, and just enjoy it for the pleasure it gave her, for the pleasure it gave her men. It was just for her, these perfect feelings. When she swore, fervently, it was in Russian, and Bucky answered her. In Russian.

“That’s it, kitten,” Bucky told her. “You know how he makes you feel, you love it, don’t you?”

She let go of Tony’s hair to tug impatiently at her skirt, get the zipper all the way down, and-- there was a sharp ripping sound at the seam gave way, but she didn’t even care, just off, off, off.

“Jesus,” Bucky murmured. “That’s hot.”

“That’s our girl,” Tony agreed. His hands slid down her sides, coaxing her to climb over him, to impale herself on his length. He brushed the hair back from her face, ran his thumb over her lips, almost incongruously tender. “Want to see you feeling good, gorgeous.”

She braced her hands on Tony’s chest, slowly lowering herself, wriggled to rub the head of his cock over her sensitive opening, then down, down, feeling him filling her up, stretching her out. When she was flush against him, his cock sheathed inside her, she leaned back a little, moving her hips in soft, easy circles. She waited until Tony made a sound, some sound, and then she turned her head to look at Bucky.

“Oh, come on,” Bucky complained. “Stop givin’ me the come hither look when you know I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

Tony turned to look at Bucky, too. “What’s wrong, snowflake? Don’t you like it when she gives you that look?”

How Bucky managed to give Tony a sardonic expression was rather impressive, really. “Wanna get my hands on you,” he said. 

Tony drew in a breath to say something, Natasha wasn’t sure what he was going to say, didn’t care. She started to move over him, driving thoughts and words and reason right out of his head. Or, that was the plan; she knew Tony, the way he liked to overindulge in sensation, to make his brain shut up, and that’s exactly what she wanted to give him.

Tony groaned and gasped, letting Nat drive him to the brink. He reached between her legs, twisting his wrist to tease at her inner folds, short, firm strokes that matched her rhythm.

“Oh,” she cried, rocking her hips against him, feeling his thumb right where she wanted him, ached for it, needed it, and it was so, so good, so bright. She could-- she could--

Her toes curled, calves tightened, thighs clenched. Everything in her twisted up until she could barely move, barely breathe, and Tony kept right on rubbing, bounced her with expert thrusts of his hips.

She reached for it, like her orgasm was a physical thing she could force to submit to her will, and then it washed over her anyway, making her skin hot, cold, slick with sweat and simultaneously too warm, and wanting Tony’s arms around her, holding her tight as she shook herself to pieces. Keeping her together while she let everything go.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “You’re so beautiful, so perfect. I’m so lucky to have you.” When she curled down against him, he wrapped her in his arms, still whispering sweet nonsense against her hair. “I could watch that for hours.”

“Could you, now?” she wondered. “Roll me over, let’s try for twice.”

“Hey, you know, I could help,” Bucky suggested. “And you could watch.”

“You could,” Tony said, “if only you weren’t being punished.” He rolled them over so he was braced over Nat, smiling down at her. He kissed her, languorous and easy, his body rocking against hers. “Ready for round two, then?”

In answer, Natasha wrapped her legs around Tony’s hips, locking her ankles behind his back and yanking him down and into her. “Ready when you are.”

It was softer, that time, smoother. Tony rocked her, and rocked with her, like they had all the time in the world to just be together. She let her eyes slip closed, felt him, his steady weight on her, the way he touched her like he revered her. God, she loved him.

“Oh, look at you,” he purred, and the muscles in his arm and shoulder bunched as he leaned his weight to one side so he could brush his knuckles down her cheek, then trail downward to circle her breasts in a lazy spiral. “Isn’t she lovely, Bucky?”

“Always,” Bucky said, and she turned her head lazily to the side to watch him, the way he moved and twisted in the few precious inches of his bondage, his hips flexing helplessly.

“He’s quite beautiful, too,” she told Tony, as if Bucky wasn’t in the room. “We have ourselves a very pretty--” she groaned softly as Tony did something, moved exactly right, over her “--very pretty man. All ours.”

“Yes,” Tony agreed. He dipped down to kiss her. “You think he’s learning his lesson?”

She swiveled her hips again, spreading her thighs open, trying to get him deeper, until his pelvis rubbed directly over her, and -- “oh, right there--” Natasha shivered, feeling the pressure building up again, all her muscles went tighter. She drew a breath through clenched teeth, achingly aware of Bucky’s eyes on her, of Tony working inside her, the way both things made her powerful, and at the same time, vulnerable.

Giving herself to them was easy.

Letting herself take-- all that they offered and more. That was harder. Like lifting a building.

But she was getting there.

“Maybe,” she gasped. “We could check-- in just-- a minute.”

Tony hummed in response, his eyes intent on her as he focused on his movement, dragging himself over her and inside her, a constant motion, like watching waves surge against the beach. “Come on, darling,” he murmured, “let go, let me see you. I’ve got you, just let go...”

Natasha arched up until her shoulders and heels were the only parts of her touching the bed, practically throwing herself upward, her hands eager on Tony’s shoulders, and she was so-- so hot, soaked with it, aching with the heat of it, and then-- “Oh, oh,” and she was swearing in Russian, throwing the words out there, as everything rushed over her, wringing her out just like a rag. 

When she fell back on the bed and Tony settled over her, she almost felt like she could go straight to sleep for a million years. So worn out and used up that she couldn’t have moved a single fingertip, even if the room was on fire.

“You are so beautiful,” she told Tony in Russian, knowing he spoke just enough of it to know she meant an endearment, even if he didn’t know what it was.

“I love you, too,” he said, smiling a little, and nuzzled at her jaw. He pulled out of her and stretched out beside her, propping his head on one hand as the other traced fanciful designs on her flushed skin.

He looked over at Bucky, eyes hot. “Mm. I... want to be fucked.”

“Great!” Bucky exclaimed. “You can come right over here and sit on my--”

“Give me a minute, tiger,” Natasha said, still trying to catch her breath. “I’ll get my strap-on.”

“I have a perfectly good dick right here,” Bucky pointed out.

“It’s a gorgeous dick,” Tony told him, eyes sparkling. “But I’m not sure you’ve earned the privilege of having us play with it.”

“Would it help if I said I was sorry?”

Natasha managed to sit up, flipping her neck to get most of her hair out of her face, the rest of it still plastered to her skin. “Are you sorry?” she wondered.

“Theoretically, I could be sorry,” Bucky said.

“Theoretically,” Natasha sounded out the word like she’d never heard it before.

“Theoretically,” Tony pointed out, “Nat and I could finish up and leave you hanging.”

Bucky took a deep breath. “I’m sorry about the ice cream,” he said. He was talking too fast for real sincerity, but Natasha knew that Bucky had a hard time with apologies. Too many of them had taken a toll on him, but he needed to learn, she thought. Smaller stuff. Not so earth shattering. “I swear, I was only gonna take like two bites. An’ I didn’t mean t’ screw up the arm, it just-- you know it feels real, I forget sometimes that it ain’t.”

“Flattering my tech isn’t the worst way to get back into my good graces,” Tony admitted. He looked at Nat, tipped his head questioningly. He knew as well as she did where Bucky’s limits were for this kind of thing. “What do you think, has he suffered enough?”

“I think he is,” she said, putting on her best fake-Soviet-spy accent that always made Tony laugh, “--how you say? Insufferable. But maybe we could play with his dick, just a little?” She held out her fingers about two inches apart.

“Yeah?” Tony kissed her again, then climbed over her to slide into the open space between Bucky’s thighs. “That could be nice. It is a very nice dick.” He made a show of examining it. “And very eager, it seems.” He ran a finger down its length.

Bucky shuddered all over, closing his eyes. “Oh, god, please, Tony--”

“Please is nice,” Tony said conversationally. “I like that.” He ducked his head and licked a broad, flat stripe up Bucky’s cock, root to tip.

“I like watching that--” Natasha said. She pushed Bucky’s knee, spreading his legs even wider. “Let me watch, right, up close.” Bucky practically stopped breathing, one of them on either side of him. Natasha met Tony’s gaze and they moved with perfect synchronicity, her tongue sliding over one side, and then meeting Tony’s mouth in a heated kiss at the top. 

Bucky keened under them, his hips moving, trying to thrust up, fruitlessly.

“Mm, yes, that’s nice,” Tony agreed. He winked at her, and they did it again, slow and unhurried, heat and wet slide to make Bucky squirm, but not nearly enough to let him get any real satisfaction. “We could just do this for a while.”

“Yes, that might be nice,” Natasha agreed. “I mean, I am well satisfied… but how do you feel. You still want to be fucked, which I can do for you--”

“I am right here, guys,” Bucky said, his voice catching again, and then he wailed as Tony ran a teasing tongue over the head of his cock.

“Yes, you are,” Natasha agreed. “But I am asking what Tony wants right now. If he wants to be fucked -- by me -- while you watch, and perhaps he can continue to work you with his mouth. If he feels like it.”

“That does sound appealing,” Tony said. “You know how much I like to be in the middle.” He punctuated that with another flicker of his tongue, making Bucky writhe. Then he sat up a little. “Hand me the lube. I’ll prep while you’re getting strapped up.”

Natasha grabbed the lube, slick stuff, good for working with her toys. “And for him,” she said, handing him one of the flavored bottles. She looked through her collection; most of the various plugs and dildos and vibrators they used could hook into her belt -- one of the side benefits of having a genius who liked to design things as a lover. Tony was always adjusting their toy collection. 

She selected one, red, that looked good against the black harness. Simple, smooth, a little tapered for the perfect angle, with a variety of vibration settings. She got out a few condoms, too, in case she decided to switch from Tony to Bucky. The boys liked that, sometimes. She eyed Bucky again. Well, probably not tonight, he was already looking a bit worn out. Tony had slicked him up with the flavored lube and then just… left him there.

Beautiful, desperate. And completely theirs.

Tony finished prepping himself -- he was faster and rougher, doing it himself, than either Natasha or Bucky were -- and tossed Nat a wink before getting up on his hands and knees, his arms braced against Bucky’s thighs. “Yeah, this will be good. Right, Buckaroo?”

Natasha lined herself up, getting on her knees behind Tony, testing the pliancy of the muscle with one gentle finger. “I have you,” she told Tony. Soft as it was, the silicone was still a little stiffer, less giving than an actual dick. She liked it, though, wearing it, feeling someone moving under her. Control. Dominance. For a few moments, she owned them, and both of her men were very responsive to it.

She pushed in, an inch, watching the red cock disappear into Tony’s ass. She kept a hand one one of his ass cheeks, gauging pressure by the way his muscles clenched. “There you go,” she said. “You should see this, Bucky, how eager he takes it.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, his head thrown back as Tony was slowly mimicking her motions, using his mouth to take Bucky in.

Tony’s mouth was too occupied to say anything, but he wiggled his ass at her, because Tony had to make his opinions known at all times. He bent a little farther, and Bucky’s thigh muscles tightened and jumped, desperate to move.

Natasha waited, pushed in a few inches, a bit more, and then thumbed the remote on her belt. The vibe started out slow, a gentle, teasing tingle that she could feel against the harness.

Tony groaned, and the vibrations of it made Bucky jump and whimper, hands flexing restlessly in their restraints. Tony moaned again, more deliberately, and arched his back, trying to get Natasha even deeper.

She met Bucky’s gaze over Tony’s back, him a little desperate, her cool and collected. 

“You like it,” Bucky said, softly. “Being in control.”

“You know I do,” she said, and she turned the remote up a little higher, a steady thrumming pulse and she rocked in time with it. She knew she had it right when Tony started making pleasant little whimpering noises. 

She did like being in control. Not because it let her control them, even though they would probably try their best to give her the moon if she thought to ask them for it. But because she’d had so little that was in her control, for most of her life. She did what she was told, took what partners she was assigned.

All this-- this was her choice. Her voice that mattered. Her men, who loved her desperately.

“And you love this-- being able to trust us, so utterly.”

Natasha jolted her hips, once, twice, three times, and Bucky closed his eyes, yielding to the friction and pressure and truth of the moment. 

“Tony--” Bucky said, voice shaking apart. “Oh, god, Tony, love you, doll, oh, that’s so good--”

Tony moaned around Bucky’s cock, not quite limp but letting Natasha move him, surrendering to her control. It was one of the ways they fit together -- where Natasha craved control, Tony, whose extremely public face was nothing but power and control, needed to occasionally let go, let someone else take over. He leaned into Bucky, letting Natasha’s movements drive both of them.

Natasha put her hand on the small of Tony’s back, steadying him, and then turned the remote up again, just to the point of too much, wringing pleasure out of Tony, feeling it in her own groin, practically in her teeth. “There you are,” she said, stroking his back, his flank, his ass. She bent a little, reaching around his side to grip his cock in her hand, giving him pressure and friction, a fist to thrust into.

Bucky stretched, and she could reach his fingers over Tony’s back; it was a tight squeeze, but once Bucky had hold of her hand, he could pull her in, until they were all working in tandem for some impossible, improbable, and decidedly necessary goal.

Tony bucked into her hand, jolted back onto the dildo, every breath harsh, half-sobbing with need. It wasn’t much longer before his whole body went taut and quivering, his cock pulsing in her hand as he came.

Bucky squeezed her fingers, abs straining as he wiggled in his chains, and she watched him intently as his face went tense, eyes squinting shut. He was close, she could tell, and Natasha pulled her hand free of Bucky’s twined her fingers through Tony’s thick hair and tugged, forcing his head up and back. Tony groaned, deep in his throat, and Bucky arched again, the stocks biting into the skin at his wrists, and then he was shouting, harsh, heavy words in Russian that her own mind was too weary to translate; swears and profanities and sacred words all garbled together.

Tony swallowed, licking Bucky clean until Bucky was whining and squirming from oversensitivity. When Tony finally pulled off, it was with an obscene, wet sound. He rested his forehead against Bucky’s stomach for a short while, catching his breath. “That’ll show you,” he rasped.

“Truly,” Bucky said, “I feel extremely chastised, here.”

Natasha laughed and it jolted through all of them, and then remembered to turn the vibrator off. “Chastised? There was nothing chaste here.”

“And thank god for that,” Tony agreed. He didn’t lift his head, but he reached behind him until he’d found some part of Natasha -- her arm, as it happened -- and patted it. “You satisfied? Need more?” Tony was generally only good for one round. Bucky could go several, but probably not this time, with how intense things had been. But they were both careful to make sure she was fully sated, every time they fell into bed.

“I am quite excellent,” she decided. “And while Bucky still owes me ice cream, I believe he is quite repentant.”  

“That’s what all the cool kids call it,” Bucky agreed.

She carefully withdrew from Tony’s body, and then unbuckled the belt, letting the kit fall to the floor. Cleanup later. She got the key and let Bucky down, found a spot in the bed relatively unoccupied by men or wet spots, and curled into it. Yes, she was… quite satisfied.

Tony helped remove Bucky’s restraints and dropped them over the side of the bed, then snuggled up against Bucky’s side, wrapping his arms and legs around Bucky’s like a particularly aggressive octopus. “Nap,” he decreed. “And then we’ll order more ice cream and I’ll finish fixing your arm.”

Natasha poked Tony in the hip. “Order ice cream now, it will be here when we are done napping.”

“Better do what she says,” Bucky murmured. “I’m too tired to be punished again, so it’ll be your turn.”

“That’d be a shame.” Tony didn’t sound very sincere about that. But he did follow it up with, “Friday? Ice cream delivery.”

“You got it, boss,” Friday agreed. “Have a nice nap.”

[abnormalpsychology]

The Bully (part one)

[HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE! Ya boi is excited bc I’m uploading my first-ever fanfic!! @joshua-rush-fanpage I hope you like it! This is part of the Valentines Day Friendom Gift Exchange. I wrote quite a lot more than I expected to, so the tag #myfanfic on here will be where you can find the rest uploaded later today. Sorry about the spacing errors— I originally wrote this in a google doc and Tumblr was being weird when I tried to fix them. I really really hope you like it! The first part is utter shit as a warning but it gets better!!! Hopefully I write more stuff soon, but here’s a little GHC to warm your hearts for now. I can’t believe I’m leaving a long, shitty, Wattpad-ass Author’s Note for the whole world to see but here we fuckin’ are. I also did not think I was the Soulmate AU type, but ALSO here we fuckin’ are. Meme mutuals please don’t think I’m lame I PROMISE IM COOL UwU. Have a lovely day even if you don’t read anything besides my ramblings. Thanks for making a community where I feel brave enough to finally post some writing I’ve worked hard on. I’m very grateful. <3 @swingsetboys Thanks so much for arranging this.]

Kids normally started thinking about their soulmates and deciphering their marks once they got their first crush, but Cyrus Goodman was different. He’d been worried about love all of his life, and the more he thought, the less sense it made. Trusting fate was generally put forward as the best way to deal with soulmate-related issues, at least before you met them, but Cyrus was finding that trusting fate was remarkably more difficult than all of the online articles and books in his parents’ offices made it sound. He wondered sometimes if he maybe was the universe’s first-ever mistake, a legendarily big screw-up, and this was a concern that was difficult to express without simultaneously concerning everyone else around him.

Cyrus’ mark was in what he had decided was the worst possible place it could be— his back. Two solid pitch-black handprints were indented into his skin so he had to twist around in the mirror to even glimpse the peculiar birthmark, like a two-year-old’s art project smushed across his skin or a crude frat party drawing etched on during a hangover was supposed represent his hope for the future and the person he was supposed to love more than anything. He’d always felt weird about it. The question that was tied most to it, the great white whale, the million-dollar-Jeopardy one, was what the situation could possibly be that would cause the mark to light up, to fill with color, when it made contact with his future spouse’s skin.

They’re gonna... push me? It was still, after years of contemplation and stomachaches, the best theory he had. The first way the person he was supposed to find eternal happiness with was by them trying to hurt him. That sure didn’t sound like love to him.

How would he make them angry? What would he do wrong?

The thought was his shadow, and the more he thought about it, the more confused he was. He didn’t want to make them angry, though! He wanted the person he was destined to spend the rest of his days with to like him right off the bat. He wanted the happy ending that everyone got.

“It’s fate,” Buffy had said and shrugged at their final summer sleepover before seventh grade began. “I mean, you can’t do anything to change it, Cy. I’m pretty sure you can’t fool the system by covering it with a tattoo. Since you always try to be as nice as possible anyway, I think you’re doing all you can.”

“Yeah.” He squinted. Maybe I’m just not good enough at being nice.

Buffy rolled her eyes, seeing through his words. “Cyrus. You really need to stop forgetting how cool you are. It’s annoying.”

“Thanks, Buffy, I just hope my soulmate understands my annoying… ness.”

“That was a joke—“

He gasped, shooting up with wide eyes. “What if I annoy them too much and that’s why they push me? What if I’m the one who ruins it?”

“Cyrus, I’m fairly certain that you would never be destined to spend your life with a total jerk. You may be weird, but that’s why soulmates love us, dummy. That’s why we love you.”

The two exchanged a smile, and Buffy reached around to squeeze his hand with her comforting smile.

“You’ll know when you see them anyway, because that’s like the whole thing. So… I don’t know. Maybe the push will be an accident or something. If it helps, I’ll personally remove the toenails if anyone who messes with you.”

“Well, I think,” Andi interjected like the voice of God from above, staring at the pair from her position of power on Cyrus’ couch. “You should stop worrying about something completely inevitable. It’s coming, like it or not.”

The boy let out a yelp and rubbed furiously at the goosebumps blooming on his skinny arms. “You didn’t have to phrase it like that, Andi!”

“Seriously,” Buffy agreed, eyes wide and unfocused. “Yikes.”

“It shouldn’t be scary. You two should really trust yourselves more. Future us will all make good decisions, I’m sure of it. Mostly. Probably.”

She leaned over to look down at her two best friends, reduced to frightened messes at the thought of someone who loved them, and deeply did not understand.

“I trust future Andi, at least. You two are weird.”

She stuck a bookmark made of old newspapers into the John Green book she was skimming, one of Bex’s favorites. She’d explained earlier about how since her older sister would be coming to visit her for the first time in practically forever, she had better know something about what she liked. Although from her various annoyed growls that echoed from above every once in a while, her friends could tell Andi’s tastes maybe differed from the latter’s.

“Real life isn’t that dramatic! Certainly isn’t as dramatic as this Augustus”—she gesticulated to the paperback copy—“thinks it is! What’s even going on in this book?”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust, setting the book down by the lamp.

“Yeah, whatever.” Buffy turned to look doubtfully over her left shoulder at her other best friend, from the spot on the calming maroon carpet where Cyrus was French-braiding her curls. “If you think all this soulmate crap will be totally drama-free, all relaxation and games, Andi, you’re kidding yourself. And it’s middle school.”

“You might want to rethink your position here,” agreed Cyrus, twirling a lock dastardly between his fingers.

A beeping sound came from the kitchen as butter filled the warm air, clashing with the rosy scent of the aromatherapy stuff Celia insisted on spraying everywhere before anyone else entered the house, even though it was just Buffy and Cyrus. They’re very well-behaved, Andi would always say, even though one was now swatting like a kitten at the other. True friendship.

“Stop that! Grow your own facial hair so you can stop using mine!”

“Low blow,” Andi commented.

“Never!” He fell backwards onto the carpet with a grunt as she attacked him with her fringe scarf, smacking her opponent with swift malice. Andi got up to go get their popcorn from the microwave, hopping easily over the destructive swarm of thrashing limbs on her floor.

The two broke apart, close to the door now. Like wrestlers, the kids sprinted to either corner of the room.

“Every time! This is why I don’t let you braid my hair, Cyrus!”

“You underestimate me! Now I have a secret weapon!”

A shadow rushed forward and cackled menacingly, a beautifully stitched pillow in shades of pink and red held aloft to decimate his friend.

“No! Bad Cyrus!” Andi scolded from the kitchen. “I made that for Bex!”

“This isn’t a Western!” Buffy yelled, hands up in surrender. “You aren’t going to tie Andi to the train tracks, no more!”

Cyrus pouted mutely, savoring the power, then conceded mercifully. “Ohhh-kay.”

“Maybe that’s why your soulmate will push you,” Buffy laughed. “You attack them, viciously, in a war of pillows.”

His face fell again, the weight of worry and insecurities returning instantly.

“Dammit.” Buffy sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Maybe I will... I’d demolish them, anyway.”

The three collapsed onto the couch together once Andi returned, mutely chewing their popcorn, their feathery Cold War forgotten. They could still hear cicadas outside. It didn’t quite feel like school yet, and something about that made the night seem more important, more meaningful, and made them all the more grateful for the other people who they felt like they could tell anything.

“Soulmates are weird to think about, though,” Andi added. “I mean, it’s not something you can teach in school or anything. How one person is made for another. I think it’s pretty crazy. Although I bet Augustus and Hazel would disagree.”

“Yeah, love’s simple until you think about— like— what if they die before you meet them?” Cyrus said, the years’ worth of anxiety seeping into his words. “Assuming it isn’t a fate thing. What if you’re the first one to prove it wrong? Or… you don’t know if you like that type of person?”

“Well,” Buffy chimed in, shrugging. “I mean, people always do, so…”

The trio fell quiet.

“Like soulmates or not, we can agree the marks are freaky as hell?”

“Absolutely.”

“At least you don’t have your mark in as weird a place as me.”

“Buffs, yours is on your hand. That’s not that weird.” Cyrus reached over her back to lightly touch the white splash of color across her right palm, and she jerked it away fast as if she was scared of it going off like a bomb. “High-fives happen all the time.”

“I know, but why would future me let anyone touch my hand? That’s not allowed!” She shivered dramatically. “Ugh. Can you imagine me all… stupid and love-struck? That would be remarkably awful.”

“Middle school,” Cyrus said, nodding sagely. “It changes all who experience it.”

“Well,” Andi whispered, suddenly solemn. “I guess we’ll find out if it changes us too.”

“Guess we gotta trust that the Future Good Hair Trio will make good choices. Soulmates or otherwise.”

The three looked around.

“At least we’ll have each other. No matter who comes, we’ll at least have each other.”

[noahsfreckles]

The Skateboarder’s Heart (2/2)

NOAH'S POV :)

Another day of skateboarding home from school, boarding home isn't that hard but going is killing me, boarding to school after you just wake up is horrible. Do not recommend to anyone.

But there are a few bonuses about coming home via skateboard, I ride by her house everyday. I've only seen her a couple outside but I never have the nerve to go talk to her and she's always running by my house when her and her boyfriend go for a run.

And that's one of the negative things about her; she has a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her and everything but I would love to be the one making her smile and laugh. I just wanna be her friend at this point.

I try to get home before four everyday just in case they go for a run. I sit by the window everyday and watch for them. And today is my lucky day, I see them, her in a pink tank top and black leggings with her headphones in her ears. I smile to myself when I see her. God she's beautiful.

I notice something on the street after they run by, I get off the couch and go outside to see what it is.

A keychain that says Jay. Maybe this is my shot to know her, even if it is her boyfriend's key chain it would be nice of me to return it.

I head back inside and head up to my room. I place the key chain on my bed and grab some fresh boxer briefs from the dresser. I grab my towel from the back of my bedroom door and head off to the bathroom.

Once I'm finished in the shower, I get dressed and listen to some music when I realize it's been more than an hour almost two. I grab the key chain and head downstairs, to grab a quick snack.

"Hi mom." I say when I see her in the kitchen.

"Hi baby, how was school?"

"It was okay. Did my homework already so I got nothing to do tonight. Maybe I'll binge something on Netflix."

"Sounds like a fun night."

"What's for dinner?"

"Burgers, potato salad, and chips, so don't eat too much junk before then."

"I won't mom," I open the fridge and grab a water and a mini bag of cool ranch Doritos from the bowl of chips. "I'm gonna go for a ride."

"Okay, dinner should be ready in about an hour."

"Okay mom." I turn and leave the kitchen. I grab my board from the closet and head outside. I sit on our porch and eat my Doritos. I grab my phone and look at the time; 6:30pm, I think that's enough time for her to be home already.

I toss my Doritos bag in the trash can at the end of my driveway, I start sucking my fingers to get the cool ranch off of them and start off towards her house.

I arrive at her house and I don't see her boyfriend's car, I hope she's home. I walk up her stairs and gently but firmly knock on the door. I wait and look down at my shoes.

"C can I help you?" I hear her say and I look up at her. She more beautiful than I thought.

"Um, I think you dropped this when you ran by my house," I say and hold up the keychain.

"Oh, um thanks," she says and reaches out to take it when our fingers brush, I feel an electric shock and she smiles. "Thanks again, um."

"Noah."

"Thanks Noah."

"It was my pleasure," I smile. "May I know your name?" I say and bite my lip.

"Cassie."

"Hi Cassie," I say and smile.

"Hi Noah," she says and blushes a little then she bites her bottom lip.

I turn around and notice his car pulling into her driveway and frown, "I'll see you around Cassie. It was nice meeting you."

"Bye Noah."

I turn and walk back down her stairs, I start boarding back towards my house, thinking about her. I get home and eat inside, I eat dinner with my parents then do the dishes before heading up to my room to watch Netflix all night. 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

A few weeks have gone by and I think I'm making some progress with her. I've actually gone over and talked to her a few times, I asked why her boyfriend hasn't been running with her as of late and she says he's been busy.

It's a Saturday and I'm heading home from my buddy Kyle's house when I turn on her street, I see her when she's walking down her stairs towards the street. I start going faster so I can catch her before she goes inside. I see she's checking the mail when I skate up by her.

"Hey Cassie." I say as I stop by her mailbox causing her to look up.

"Hey Noah. What's up?"

"Not much just bored. You?"

"Getting the mail for the parentals."

"Fun fun. Going for a run today?"

"Nope, it's my day off."

"Oh um," I start then bite my lip, "did you wanna hang out? I mean if you're not busy."

"What did you have in mind?"

"We could watch a movie, go for a walk or I could teach you how to skateboard."

"Sure," Cassie says and blushes then her phone starts ringing. She pulls it out and looks at it, "can you give me a minute?"

"Yeah sure."

"Hey Jay," She says and I frown a little.

I hope he doesn't wanna hang out with her and ruin my chances to get to know her more.

"Actually I'm gonna hang out with him," Cassie's says and I turn my attention towards her. Is she talking about me?

She whispers something in the phone I can't quite make out, she looks at me and I smile.

"Watch a movie, go for a walk, we're not sure yet," I hear her say in the phone, "Jayson!" She yells into the phone. "Sorry he's being crazy," she says to me and bites her lip.

"SHE WANTS TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!" I hear come from the phone and I try not to react, Cassie looks over at me and I smirk.

"And goodbye Jay," she says and hangs up the phone and looks at me, "Sorry best friends gone wild."

Wait what?

"Jay's your best friend and not your boyfriend?" I ask.

"No, best friend since birth. Our parents went to school together so once we were born it was only natural we became friends, our birthdays are one day apart. I'm older by thirteen hours."

"Oh. I just assumed since you two were always together."

"Everyone does," she says.

"So um what did you wanna do?"

"We could go for a walk around the neighborhood?" She asks.

"Sure, did you need to take in the mail?"

"No, it's just a magazine I can grab it later," she turns and put the magazine in the mailbox. "Did you need to do anything before our walk?"

"Nope, all free." 

"Let's go then," she smiles.

We start waking down the sideway when I say, "Did you wanna play a game so we're not just walking in silence?"

"Sure."

"When's your birthday?"

"April twentieth."

"Yours?"

"May ninth."

"So I'm older by nineteen days," she says.

I do like older girls.

"What's your favorite animal?"

"I'd say cats, they're cute and cuddly," she says and smiles at me.

"And evil. My sister's cat is evil. One minute he'll love you then two seconds later he's plotting your death."

She laugh and asks, "What's his name?"

"Vesuvius but we call him Suvi for short. Do you have any pets?"

"Does Jay count?"

"If you want him too."

"Sure," Cassie laugh. "What's the worst thing about skateboarding?"

"Um probably learning tricks and falling on your ass until you get them."

"Sounds painful."

"Very. What's the last movie you saw in theaters?"

"Captain Marvel."

"Me too. When did you go?"

"This past Tuesday with Jay, we went at like 3:45 at Celebration."

"Oh my god! That's when I went, I was like five minutes late coming in cause someone was taking forever in the concession line."

"I think that was probably Jay," she laughs.

"Damn Jay," I say and laughs.

"What was your favorite part or parts?" she ask.

"Oh for sure when Goose was on screen. You?"

"Oh my god yes, when Goose exposed himself to Fury. I died laughing, you probably heard me."

"That was you." I stop and look at her.

"Uh yeah. Sorry," Cassie bites her lip and looks at me.

"It's cool cause I was laughing too," I say laughing.

"What's your favorite song right now?"

Cassie asks and we start walking again.

"Just one?"

"Okay maybe five."

"I can do five for sure. 'Sweet Thing' by Ylti, 'Luvsick' by Kai Wachi and Ylti, 'Hesher' by Wallpaper, 'Mine' by Bazzi, 'Beautiful' also by Bazzi, and a bonus 'Hell of a Life' by Kayne, though I don't like him personally I just like the song."

"So no more drugs for you, just pussy and religion?" She look at me, I just stop and look at her and she smirks. "What?"

"Have you been stalking my insta?"

"No," she blushes a little.

"You have!"

"No, I haven't. I just know that song."

"Mmhmm then why do you know the exact line I posted on my insta story yesterday?"

"Coincidence," she says and bites her lip.

"Oh okay," I say and rolls my eyes.

We start walking again, when I ask another question, "Do you know any of the other songs?"

"I know Bazzi's, he's my new obsession."

"No one ever knows about the music I listen to, how'd you hear about him?"

"Um, I plead the fifth."

"How are you going to plead the fifth on that?"

"Because I'll incriminate myself."

"By answering where you heard about Bazzi?"

"Yeah."

I don't say anything for a minute thinking over why she would plead the fifth on how she knows Bazzi but we continue to walk, when I stop suddenly. "You have been stalking my insta!"

"What? No!" She blushes.

"Not fair! You get to stalk me when I can't you." I pout and look at Cassie.

"Cassie.marie."

"What?"

"My insta, duh."

"Oh," I pull out my phone, opens insta and types in her username. I follow her and start liking a few pictures when I notices she never shows her birthmark until this most recent picture from a couple weeks ago.

"If you're stalking me, you suck. You're not supposed to be known."

"Oh sorry, I couldn't help myself," I say and smirk.

She pulls out her phone, I get a notification that she followed me back and puts her phone back in her pocket.

"Can I ask you something kinda personal, Cassie?" I ask her as we turn the corner back to her street.

"Sure."

"Now you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, I won't get upset if you don't."

"Ask it, please."

"Why do you hide your birthmark?"

"I um," she starts, biting her lip and stops in front of her house and she looks at me, "I don't like it and everyone used to make fun of me for it. So I grew to hate it and I thought hiding it was better for everyone. Once someone sees it they either make a face towards it or they ask about it."

"So what made you post a picture showing it the other day?"

"I was tired of hiding it and I." She says and looks down at our shoes.

"You what?"

"I kinda freaked out when Jay realized I didn't hide it from you when you brought back my key chain the other week. I didn't even realized you saw it till after you left."

"Cassie?" I says and move closer to her. I place my hand on her chin gently and raise her head so she looks at me. "So I made you show it to the world?"

She nods a little and I moves my hand to her cheek, and softly outline her birthmark with my thumb. "How could anyone tease you for something so beautiful?"

Her cheeks heat up and I smile.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," I trace it once more then removes my hand from her face. "What did you wanna do now?" I ask.

"Can you show me the basics on your board?"

"You wanna learn to ride?"

"Yeah, no tricks, I don't wanna hurt my butt."

I laugh, "sure."

We walk to the street and I put the board on the street. "Okay now find the center of the board." I say as I hold the board with my foot as she gets on it.

She puts her foot in the middle of the board and looks at me.

"And with your other foot, kick off. And just keep kicking till your comfortable with the speed then you can stop kicking and put your other foot on the board."

"Will you hold my hands so I don't fall. That's my fear right now," she asks.

"Sure." I take her hands and move my foot, and she starts to kicks off and she gasps a little causing me to laugh. I lets go of one of her hands and run beside her.

"I'm doing it!" She says excitedly and goes to kick again and kicks the board instead, she starts to fall when I slow the board down and catches her in my arms.

"Slow down speedy," I tease and looks down at Cassie.

She bites her lip and looks at me. I really wanna kiss her. I look from her eyes to her lips then back to her eyes and lips. She softly nods her head in approval as I lean down to connect our lips when her phone starts ringing, scaring us both.

She groans and pulls out her phone, "Sorry," she says softly and I help her stand up right on the street. I move away from her so I'm not intruding on her call.

"What?" I hear her say into the phone annoyed. "Yes. And I hate you."

I start messing with my board trying not pay attention to her phone call. My phone buzzes in my pocket;

Kyle: I'm on my way over for Avengers and pizza.

"Hey Cassie, I gotta head home for dinner, see you later?"

"Oh okay, bye Noah," Cassie says sounding a little sad. "Yeah, see you around."

I put my board down and start boarding back to my house. I get back as soon as Kyle pulls him.

"Hey!" He says as he gets out of his car.

"Hey," I say trying not to sound too rejected.

"I ordered our regular on the way over," Kyle says and I nod.

We head inside, I put my board away in the closet and we head up to my room.

"You cool, bro?" Kyle asks as I fall face down into my pillows.

I just groan loudly.

"I'll take that as a no. Did you see Cassie and her boyfriend or something?"

I roll over on the bed and look at him, "he's not her boyfriend but best friend, I found out earlier."

"That a good thing. You have a chance with her now."

"He cockblocked me today."

"Oh bro, what happened?"

"I was coming home from your house and I saw Cassie outside so I went over and started talking to her. He called her and they were talking, he yelled something about having my kids and Cassie hung up after that. Then we took a walk around the neighborhood asking questions back and forth, getting to know each other."

"I'm not seeing any cockblocking yet, sounds like she likes you from what her friend was yelling," Kyle says.

"I haven't got there yet. Anyways so we end up back at her house and she wants me to show her how to board. So I give her the simple instructions on how to kick and whatnot. She asks me to hold her hands so she doesn't fall so I do. I'm running along side her so she doesn't fall and she accidentally kicks the board instead of the ground and she starts to fall. I quickly stop the board and catch her before she falls, and bro I wanted to kiss her so bad. So I kept looking between her eyes and her lips and she nods so I go for it."

"You kissed her?"

"No."

"What?"

"Her stupid phone rings interrupting us. And by the sound of it she was pissed when she answered the phone, and guess who it was."

"The best friend."

I groan and nod my head.

"Sorry bro, I know how much you like her."

"I was so freaking close. We had another moment too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, you know how I told you she has a birthmark on her cheek?"

Kyle nods.

"Well I found out she stalked my insta and she told me hers after I found out, and I followed her and liked some of her pics. I noticed in a pic," I pull out my phone to show him. "She didn't hide her birthmark like she does in other pics and I asked her why."

Kyle takes my phone and looks at her profile.

"She said that I made her show it because I didn't say anything or make a face more or less when I saw it. She said people would tease her about it in school. She was looking at our shoes, and I took her chin in my hand and made her look at me. I traced it with my thumb and said, "How could anyone tease you for something so beautiful?" causing her to blush."

"Bro! You got game, who would have thought?"

"Shut up!"

"So what's going to happen now?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet."

The doorbell rings and Kyle goes down to answer it and comes back up with our food and drinks. We sit on my bed and start to pig out.

"Maybe you can arrange another boarding lesson and the moment could come up again?"

"I don't have her number though."

"Slide in her DMs, bro."

"I knew you were my friend for a reason," I say and Kyle's shakes his head at me.

"Netflix?"

I turn on my tv and we start watching Avengers: Infinity War and eating our pizza.

Kyle goes home around ten after we finish the movie and play a few rounds of Smash Brothers.

I grab my phone and look through my photo roll, picking the picture I've been meaning to post and it fits with what I wanna caption. 

Can't stop thinking about you.  ♥

I close the app and turn my attention back to the tv. Around an hour later, my phone dings and I grab it, smiling when I see the notification; Cassie.marie. liked your photo.

I open Instagram and direct message her.

Noah: hi

Cassie: hi

Noah: whatcha doing?

Cassie: watching a movie, you?

Noah: laying in my bed, bored.

Cassie: wanna continue our game?

Noah: sure.

Cassie: when did you start skateboarding?

Noah: around 12 y/o

Cassie: Nice

Noah: do you have any hidden talents?

Cassie: I can do the splits, does that count?

Noah: Yeah I guess, not everyone can do them

I head downstairs and grab a water from the fridge when I see the banner pop up, I read the message and go to the closet to grab my board and quietly head out the front door. I board over to Cassie's before I open her DM.

Cassie: can I have your number?

Noah: 213-555-0139

Cassie: I HAVE HIS NUMBER

I start laughing in the middle of the street.

Noah: was that supposed to be to Jay? 🤣🤣

Cassie: I plead the fifth again 😎

My phone buzzes and I smile, I quickly add her number to my contacts; Cassie♥️

Cassie♥️: hi

Noah: hi 🤓

Cassie♥️: where'd you go?

Noah: I plead the fifth. 😛

Cassie♥️: that's my line 😠

Noah: look out your window

I see her curtain move and I smile.

Cassie♥️: What are you doing?

Noah: midnight lesson?

Cassie♥️: be down in five

I walk up her stairs and sit down on the top stair waiting for her to come outside. I hear the door open and smile.

"Hi," Cassie says.

"Hi."

"Isn't a little late for a lesson?"

"Yeah, but I couldn't think of anything else to get you to come outside."

"You could have just asked," she giggles a little.

"I'll have to remember that next time."

"Next time?"

"Yeah. Cassie, I like talking to you. You're not like other girls our age. You say what you're thinking. And you're not afraid to show how you're feeling."

Cassie starts to blush and I bite my lip.

"So..." I say.

"So..." Cassie mocks back.

"Do you have plans tomorrow afternoon?"

"No, why?"

"You need another lesson," I say.

"Oh yeah."

"Let's say two, I meet you here and we have the lesson, and leave your phone inside."

"No phone. Gotcha."

"But I'm gonna go back home before I get grounded and we have no lesson."

"So you asked me outside to ask if I was busy? You could have done that on the phone."

"Well I wanted to see you again before I go to sleep," I say and smirk causing her to blush.

"Goodnight Noah."

"Goodnight Cassie."

I walk down her stairs and board back to my house, I quietly open the door and see my mom standing there.

Shit!

"And where were you at this time of night, Noah Gregory?"

"Um," I bite my lip and look at her innocently. "Asking a girl to hang out tomorrow."

"Oh. You couldn't do this over the phone?"

"No, well yes but I wanted to see her one more time."

"Wait, is it that girl that runs by here all the time?"

"Maybe."

"You finally talked to her?"

"How do you know about her?"

"You and Kyle aren't that quiet when you talk."

"Oh. Yeah I talked to her. We hung out earlier and I sorta taught her how to skateboard a little. And wanted to have another lesson with her."

"Okay. I won't ground you but no more sneaking out to see her."

"Yes ma'am."

I head up to my room and get ready for bed. I get in bed and grab my phone taking a pic and sending it to Cassie.

        Night

Cassie♥️: night dork 🤓

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I get up the next morning and take a shower. I come back to my room and stand in front of my closet looking for what to wear.

I grab my black baseball hat tossing it in the bed. I grab a grey shirt and some black cut off jeans, I walk over to my dresser and grab some black socks and some fresh boxer briefs.

I quickly get dressed and grab my baseball hat, going into the bathroom and start blow drying my hair. I put on my hat and walk back to my room when my phone dings.

Cassie♥️: I'm ready for my lesson whenever you are 🤓

Noah: on my way over.

I head downstairs and say bye to my mom as I grab my board from the closet.

I head outside and start boarding over to her house. I see her sitting on the stairs where I was last night and smile.

I jog up the stairs, "hi."

"Hi. I got us waters," Cassie says.

"Thanks." I take one, opening it and taking a drink. "No speeding today," I jokes and smiles.

"No speeding, got it and my phone is inside."

"I brought mine just in case but I'm gonna leave it up here with the waters."

Cassie gets up and walks down the stairs, grabbing my board, she centers herself then starts kicking as I start walking down the stairs. I watch her for a little, "looks like you're doing good. Have you secretly been practicing since yesterday?"

"I plead the fifth."

"Cassie!"

"I'm joking Noah, calm down. I'm just taking slow like you said."

I go up beside her and start running and she kicks to go faster, faster than what I'm running.

"Noah!"

I start running faster and start laughing, "stop kicking before you crash."

She puts her foot on the board as I continue to run along side her. The board finally slows down and she looks at me, "you get the workout today."

"I should have dressed differently then," I say.

She laughs and hop off the board when it comes to a stop. "Can we both ride on it?"

"Maybe, if you stay still and not move."

"I'll try."

She gets on the back of the board and I get in the front, I put one foot on and start kicking when I feel her grab the back of my shirt.

We ride around for a few minutes, "I need a drink, Cassie." We ride back to her house and we both hop off the board, I jog up the stairs, grabbing our waters and my phone.

Cassie is sitting on my board rolling back and forth a little when I hand her her water.

"Thanks."

"No problem." I move to sit on the curb, "what made you wanna try boarding?"

"Looked like it was easy, well what I'm doing, not the tricks."

"Yeah, you're nowhere near tricks."

"Yeah I'll stick to kicking."

I take a deep breath and get up from the curb and stands in front of Cassie, I stand with her legs in between mine. I look down at her, "can I tell you a secret?"

She nods and looks up at me.

"I've been dying to kiss you since yesterday."

Cassie blushes and bites her bottom lip.

I look at her eyes then her lips and back to her eyes then lips again. I bend down a little and kiss her lips softly. She pulls my shirt down and pulls me closer when I smirk in the kiss. She lets go of my shirt and I pull away.

"Whoa," I say.

"Whoa," she says and looks up at me.

"Whoa," I say again and looks at Cassie, I hold my hand out and she intertwines hers into mine and I help her up off the skateboard. I wrap my arounds around her waist and smiles, "definitely worth the wait."

"Shut up and kiss me," she says causing me to smirk.

I lean down a little and connect our lips again. She moves her arms around my waist. I bring a hand up to her cheek and trace her birthmark. I pull away slightly and looks at Cassie, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

She bites her lip and whispers, "yes."

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 11/6/2022

LAZY SUNDAY. BUT!!!! I ANNOUNCED THE LLC!!! AND IT WAS NYC MARATHON DAY!

Redefine Recovery, LLC. I am so proud.  

This mostly lazy Sunday was much needed. Today’s blog will likely be fairly short because I (for once) didn’t leave the house much. BUT, I will dive into the LLC more later on. 

I woke up feeling like I got hit by a bus. That was less than ideal. As I woke up though and started moving around, I felt better. I ended up taking Sadie on a 2-ish mile walk, and then coming back and picking up a bit. Whatever I was unable to get done I plan to get done tomorrow. It was just driving me crazy how unorganized this apartment was. Ironically, car is super messy but the apartment I am almost OCD. 

I ordered PS and walked to grab that once I was basically done cleaning for the day. I ate around, ate that, and then ended up just sitting on the couch and hanging out. I gave Sadie and Latte both treats today for being the “goodest”, so they were happy campers. At one point I was sitting in your old chair and snuggling with Latte, and cuddled with Sadie / took a nap on the couch for over an hour. I ate my left over Jersey Mike’s for lunch, and had an ice cream cone. 

Okay, I really wanna dive into the marathon and LLC for a second. I am beyond grateful for Sean and what he did today. My heart was heaving and full at the same time. Such a beautiful sentiment that meant the world to your family and I. I will post some pics that your dad send me since he was able to attend in person with Ponch (can’t remember his full name but you loved living with him). Just was so glad that he was able to go and support Sean. He raised almost $15k towards suicide prevention. Incredible. 

I felt very inspired today (besides feeling very tired and sick as well). I got the LLC officially approved last week, but wasn't sure when I wanted it announce it. Well, no time is better than the present, right? I decided to make some videos explaining the LLC, and a little background as to why it came to fruition. I also made a post on the page itself, and shared this on my social media. This was honestly such a mix of nerve-wrecking and exciting. I am sure there will be people who will be nay-sayers, but honestly, I have a huge heart for this. I would much rather try and fail than not try and wonder. I do believe that I can make a difference, I feel it deep in my soul, like it’s a calling. Everything I have gone through has led me to this point. Beauty from the ashes. Peace in the abandonment. I am on a mission to do good. 

Most of the feedback that I received was so supportive and kind. I feel so grateful to be surrounding by a supportive community of people who believe in me and see my heart. And to the people who are unsure of this decision, I haven’t been so sure of something in a very long time. The only people in this world who actually make a change are the ones who are crazy enough to believe that they can. Hi, I am crazy.

You would be so proud. You really would be. I wish that I could have helped you more, but at the same time, I helped you as much as I could have. Some might argue even more than I should have. The natural guilt settles in often. When it does, I try to remember the things you said to me, and how you were always so grateful for my unconditional love. You said I was the best thing to ever happen to you. It’s hard. I know that I alone couldn’t be enough to make you stay, and I hate that you felt like you needed to go. 

This was our legacy, Redefine Recovery, LLC. This was what you left, and this is what I promised you I would continue. You wanted to help people, and you are. James, you are saving lives. You are making a difference. I wish it was in a different way, but you have impacted so many lives. 

Man, how much I love you. 

Even in the moments that were so tough, so challenging, loving you came so easily to me. You were such a light. Everyone saw it. Even though it flickered at times, you always had it in you. I want to make sure other people see that in themselves, that light. That future. The possibilities. I want people to feel heard. Supported. Loved when they feel the most unlovable. 

Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me. I read something that said “If you wish to love me still, when I leave, you can, by loving life, by loving all that is life, by loving yourself most of all, the way that I loved you, for now that I cannot, you must”. I felt that. 

Oh - I officially have that meeting with Release Recovery in NYC in t-minus one month. WOW. God is good. I have a lot of work to do. The future is bright. <3. 

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[jinwoowoohoo]

@cha-eunwoow and @sanhatation hit me with that x2 tag combo (💖💕💞) I was gonna put them both in this post but it.... got very long... so I will split them up after all 😅

First up is a Kpop one from lovely Liv (hey girl I hope things are going better for you!!)

To anyone who genuinely reads through all of this bless your heart and ily

1) 5 favorite groups?

f(x), ASTRO, SHINee, Day6, Dreamcatcher

2) Top 5 on your bias list? (no particular order)

Lol I just did this, so: Amber, Jinjin, Onew, S.coups, Wonpil (though if we can double from groups my girl Luna would 100% be here)

3) Ult Bias group and why you love them?

f(x) - they were my first group and will forever be my ults. I just love how unique they are both as a group and each member individually! Every member shines so much in their own way and can absolutely stand as artists in their own right (and have been proving so with their solo projects the past 2+ years), and when they come together they create things that are so cool and beautiful and unique 💜 Honest to god after I sat down and listened to their whole discography on Spotify for the first time, I listened to nothing but them 8+ hrs a day, 7 days a week for almost a month I was so in love (i'm not exaggerating you can ask my roommate aldbaj) (SM please let us have f(4) again I would literally cry). That being said I also consider ASTRO and SHINee to be ults, and could write whole paragraphs for them as well 💕 

(but y’all please support my girls, Victoria put out a Chinese single and should be following with an album, Amber’s halfway through releasing videos for her mixtape & Luna is releasing 2 digital singles this coming week! Krystal has no musical projects atm but you can check out her dramas and modeling~)

4) Ult Bias and why you love them?

My kpop origin story revolves around me coming across the Electric Shock mv in 2013 and being both in love with and absolutely floored by Amber. A girl? In a girl idol group? With short hair?? Who presents in a masculine way?? I couldn’t believe it was something the companies would let happen and it was so. I don't even know. But I knew it was really meaningful and important to me. 3 years later I actually fully listen to the group (honestly thank got I needed new music to listen to at work) and I finally learned her name - Amber Liu. I'm someone who id's as nonbinary, and I've really struggled with my perceived femininity my whole life - its something I'm still working through. When I saw Amber, a person working in a very gender stereotype-heavy industry and culture, being able to present in the way she's comfortable and standing up for the rights of others to do the same, it just really touched me on a deep personal level. Even though I know she id's as cishet she still has done a lot for those of us that don't, and I'm sooo insanely proud of her for sticking to her guns and choosing to live her truth through all of the hell people have given and continue to give her for it. Not only has she stuck it to the haters by prospering, but she's taken her experiences and her talents and made them into absolutely beautiful works of art. 

She uses her music to express her feelings and talk about her struggles, and the fact that her work is so personal and has so much of her in it also means a lot to me (please listen to Borders, Need to Feel Needed, Beautiful, Heights, and this cover of One More Light NOTE: if self harm is a bad topic for you, maybe skip One More Light and the Borders mv (the song is fine and ultimately uplifting, and the mv does end happily). She has worked so. damn. hard. to pursue her dreams and passions, often having to rely on just herself and her friends to work when SM just straight up refuses to do their JOB as her MANAGEMENT COMPANY, and somehow she keeps doing it with that beautiful smile.

Aside from all the gooshy stuff, she’s just really goofy and fun (and attractive >>) AND she was born just 2 months before me so I feel there’s a connection (also my parents considered naming me Amber and she considered my name as a stage name??? #starcrossedlovers). Finally she has literally the cutest dog in the world please look at this picture and cry with me

5) Favorite Kpop Meme

lmaooo now that I’ve poured my heart out over Amber, lets look at the human meme that is Lee Taemin (i just picked one but my favorite meme is just. him.)

And a special shoutout to all of the rest of the SHINee memes, like I thought about linking just one but there are so many legendary classics how do you choose (I got to experience the burnt Gucci story in person though so a super special shoutout to that one)

6) Favorite pic of your ult? (I dare you to only pick one)

I’ll do both my ults since this is my Astro blog but I’ve only talked about f(x) so far ;;;;;

For Amber, this picture has been my phone background for well over a year now so I guess this one?? It’s from the song festival when she and Ksuke debuted Breathe Again (many months before it’s official release) and she was just feeling herself so much during the performance (credit for the pic most likely goes to her fansite Ambossing)

As for Jinwoo adljasdfs I only have like 100 pics of him just on my phone this is fine I’m gonna pick this one, bc when he posted it I loved it so much I came very close to literally printing it out and framing it...... he just looks so happy!! And he’s being his most natural self, no hair/makeup, out with his family, doing something he loves. It just Warms My Heart

7)  Favorite Kpop MVs

Ok this is a whole can of worms, so I’ll try to limit it to just 10 I quite like?? (in no specific order)

1) Astro - Baby 2) VIXX - Error 3) Seventeen - Lilili Yabbay 4) SHINee - Boys Meet U 5) EXID - DDD 6) KNK - Rain (performance ver) 7) Oh My Girl - Closer  8) f(x) - Electric Shock 9) Crayon Pop - FM 10) Taemin - Saynoara Hitori (I know it was a Japanese release but ssssh I’m counting it WAIT HECK i just realized Boys Meet U was a Japanese release too asdlfjasf welp) 

Also shoutout to this cover Dreamcatcher did of Maroon 5′s Lucky Strike

9) Favorite Kpop crack video?

I don’t have a single specific one, there are so many quality compilations (I have watched a surprising number of Seventeen as Vines videos though lmao) 

10) Favorite content creator(s) within the fandom?

All Aroha are super talented ok, If I listed everyone that came to mind we’d be here for longer than anyone needs to be....

11) What fandoms would you say you’re an active member of?

the only fandom I’m fully in that’s  been active in Korea the past year is Astro :’) But that’s well enough, I really do love this community!

12) Take your top 3 biases- fmk

omg no why

F-Jinjin asldfjasdf

M-Amber

K- Onew..... no this is wrong :< I’m changing the k from kill to kiss ok? ok.

13) If you could be best friends with any idol, who would you choose?

Honestly probably Luna - she is one of the single most uplifting people in the world and she’s always ready for a good time! Queen of self love!

14) If you could date any idol, who?

I would never want to date an idol unless they were no longer/never an idol - trying to date around the antis and media would just be way too stressful on its own, plus the idol would be so busy all the time you’d barely get to see each other anyway

15) What’s one Kpop album you think everyone should have listened to?

SHINee - Married to the Music

16) Are you a soft or a hard stan?

yes (depends on the idol)

17) An idol that makes you go into soft mode?

Yoon Sanha, my soft noodle, my potato son

18) An idol that makes you want to smash the empire state building with one single punch?

@ Park Jaehyung meet me behind the Taco Bell at midnight

19) Favorite vocalist?

MJ/Luna/Onew

20) Favorite Rapper?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I’m honestly not sure??? Some contenders are Rocky and LE though

21) Favorite dancer?

sdflajsfadsf why must you hurt me in this way I’ll say Taemin because he really puts a lot of thought and self into his dance, and he’s actively trying to create change in the way the industry thinks about gender and dance

22) Things you have in common with your ult?

I think I pretty much touched on all that with Amber, so for Jinjin we both love dogs and like the drums, we can be quick to smile, we try to lead in an understanding/accommodating way rather than a total authoritarian way, we do That Face™ when someone is pushing our buttons lol

23) The most beautiful trait any idol can have?

Kindness and an open mind

24) Songs that will always make you jam along?

how....long do you want to be here adsflj I will say the song that gets me jamming the MOST at work is N.Flying - Hot Potato

25) Your worst wrecker?

I’m here today to talk to you about a dangerously beautiful man named Kim Myungjun

26) Any kpop concerts you’ve been to?

I saw SHINee in Dallas with my bff in 2017, then I went to Astro in DC all by my lonesome this past February! (so I just need to see f(x) and I’ll have gone to all 3 ult groups) Also fun fact my good friend @jinjins-freckles was also at those two concerts, but we didn’t know each other yet for the SHINee one - funny how things work out~

27) Favorite choreo?

THIS. THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION. I CAN’T. IMPOSSIBLE. I’m not even gonna try and list some.... theres.... too many;;;;

28) Favorite live performance?

ok look first of all, you come into MY house, and ask me to pick ONE performance adslfj I’ll say SHINee’s Woof Woof bc I was absolutely obsessed with it after I discovered it, its just so fun and goofy but also bops hard as heck??? Legends Only

29) Favorite debut mv?

Hide & Seek cleared my skin watered my crops and gave me a lil smooch on the forehead

30) Recommend a rookie group

Dreamcatcher!!! They’re having a comeback in May please support our goth goddesses

31.) A kpop song you could listen to every day for the rest of your life?

Astro - Puss n Boots

32) Tag some cute mutuals you’d like to get to know better (and to do this challenge)!

Since she’s tagged me a few times lately I’ll tag @myunghjun (and that’s it asdlj if you read all the way to the end consider yourself tagged too ok ily)

[dfroza]

many people in this world have stood against our Creator’s truth.

just as Paul was opposed in ancient times in the message he shared.

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 25th chapter of the book of Acts:

Three days after arriving in the province, Festus traveled south from Caesarea to Jerusalem. The chief priests and Jewish leaders still had a plan to kill Paul and gave a report to Festus about their unresolved grievances against Paul. They suggested that as a favor to them, Festus should move Paul to Jerusalem. Of course, this was part of the plan to set an ambush for Paul and kill him en route. Festus instead offered to reopen the case. He would be going back to Caesarea soon.

Festus: So let your leaders accompany me, and bring your accusations against the man.

Eight or ten days later, Festus returned to Caesarea, and the next day he took his seat in court. He ordered Paul to be brought before him. The Jewish opponents from Jerusalem immediately surrounded Paul and from all directions bombarded him with all sorts of serious charges, none of which could be proven.

Paul (quietly and simply): In no way have I committed any offense against Jewish law, against the Jewish temple and all it represents, or against the emperor.

Here Festus saw an opportunity to do just the favor Paul’s Jewish opponents had requested.

Festus: Would you like to have your trial in Jerusalem? I’d be willing to try your case there.

Paul: If I had committed a capital offense, I would accept my punishment. But I’m sure it’s clear to you that I have done no wrong to the Jews. Since their charges against me are completely empty, it would be wrong to turn me over to them. No, I do not wish to go to Jerusalem. I am appealing to the court of the emperor in Rome.

Festus conferred privately with his council and returned with this decision:

Festus: You have appealed to the emperor, so to the emperor you will go.

Several days later, the provincial king Agrippa arrived in Caesarea with his wife Bernice to welcome the new governor. Their visit lasted several days, which gave Festus the chance to describe Paul’s case to the king.

Festus: Felix left me some unfinished business involving a prisoner named Paul. When I was in Jerusalem, I got an earful about him from the chief priests and Jewish elders. They wanted me simply to decide against him, but I informed them that we Romans don’t work that way. We don’t condemn a person accused of a crime unless the accusers present their case in person so the accused has ample opportunity to defend himself against the charge. I arranged for them to come here for a proper hearing. In fact, the first day after I returned to Caesarea, I took my seat in court and heard his case without delay. Contrary to my expectations, the accusers brought no substantial charges against him at all. Instead, they were bickering about their own religious beliefs related to a fellow named Jesus, who had died, but whom Paul claimed was raised to life again. I had no idea how to handle a religious squabble pretending to be a legal case, so I suggested Paul be taken to Jerusalem so he could be tried on Jewish turf, so to speak. But Paul refused, and instead he appealed to be kept in custody so the case could be referred to his Imperial Majesty. So I have held him until we can arrange to send him to the emperor.

Agrippa: This sounds interesting. I’d like to hear this fellow in person.

Festus: You will, then. We’ll bring him in tomorrow.

The next day, King Agrippa and Bernice arrived at the great hall with great formality, accompanied by the military commanders and the city’s leading men. Festus ordered Paul to be brought before them.

Festus: King Agrippa and all our honored guests, here is the man who has been charged with wrongdoing by the Jewish community—both in Jerusalem and here. They yelled for his execution, but I found him guilty of no capital offense. Then he appealed to our Imperial Majesty, so I have agreed that he will be sent to Rome. Here is where I need your help. I can’t send a man to our emperor without a letter logically detailing the charges against him, but I have no idea what to write. So, King Agrippa, and all of you honored guests, I’m requesting your help in determining what to write in my letter to the emperor.

The Book of Acts, Chapter 25 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 16th chapter of the book (scroll) of Isaiah that looks at Judgment against Moab and points to their idolatry, but also reveals hope in the coming King who is the Son:

A Refugee (to the Moabites): Bring tender lambs to the ruler of the land.

From Sela through the desert

to the beautiful mountain called Zion, maybe they’ll let us in.

And indeed like birds whose homes were demolished,

like baby birds torn from their nests,

Moab’s daughters, scattered and fluttering, arrive at the fords,

ready to cross the Arnon River.

(to Jerusalem) Give us your best advice and do what is right.

When the day is at its fiercest, hide us in your cool shade.

Shield the trammeled and abused.

Keep your mouth shut when our enemy comes looking, seeking us out.

Let these refugees of Moab come in and stay.

Protect these tempest-tossed; be their hiding place,

a shelter safe from the destroyer.

See, when the one who has squeezed and oppressed you is gone

and the forces of crushing violence wane in the land,

Then God will establish a royal throne, in loyal love—

the One who rules there will be utterly reliable,

With absolute integrity under the auspices of David.

With a passion for justice, He will be quick to decide and do what is right.

Oh yes, we’ve heard of Moab, how much they think of themselves—

so important, so valuable, so hot-tempered;

But we know it’s just idle boasts.

Let them bemoan their destruction and fall—every last one of them.

Go ahead, mourn, all you who were struck down;

Cry for the raisin cakes of Kir-hareseth.

The productive fields of Heshbon are withering in the heat;

the choice vines of Sibmah are decimated.

The rulers of the nations are wreaking havoc across the land,

crushing its grape clusters and leveling its old stout vines.

Moab’s tender shoots spread from Jazer to the desert,

then right down to the sea and even across it.

This is why I cry salty tears over Jazer,

over the vines of Sibmah and over the fields of Heshbon.

And God’s-Ascent, Elealeh, I weep for you—over your branches,

once so green and strong, now broken and brown with death.

No one rejoices anymore over your fruits and harvest.

What joy these fields and orchards brought, what pleasure and delight,

with their beauty, with their bounty.

But no more cheerful shouts accompany the harvest of the vineyards.

No one is left to press the grapes into wine.

I have silenced all your joyous shouting.

My heart hums like a harp with grief for you, Moab.

I ache with soul-sadness for Kir-hareseth.

When the people of Moab present themselves to their gods, when they weary themselves with frequent journeys to their high places, when they enter their sanctuary to pray, then they will find none of their gods are able to help them. This is the message the Eternal gave Isaiah earlier about Moab. But now He has another message.

Eternal One: In just three years—as a hired hand might count them—the power and prestige of Moab will come to an end. Its population will be killed and scattered; only a few, the poor and powerless, will survive the onslaught.

The Book of Isaiah, Chapter 16 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice Translation:

God’s answer to Moab’s plea for help is none other than the Messiah. One day David’s son will take the throne and rule with absolute justice.

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for Thursday, june 24 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

A post by John Parsons that reveals our pure hope:

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25). Such is the “exile of hope” we suffer in this world... Torah begins: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, and the earth was “tohu va’vohu v'choshekh” (תהוּ וָבהוּ וְחשֶׁךְ) - "confusion and emptiness and darkness" - which the sages interpret to mean that when we truly understand that God created the heavens and the earth, we will realize our earthy desires to be barren, empty and unreal.

In their despair, Plato and the early Greek philosophers sought “timeless universals” which they believed disclosed the reality of an “upper world,” a heavenly realm of unchanging goodness, beauty, and truth. The world we experience with our senses is a shadowy place of change and decay; but the real world, discerned by clear thinking, is a place of permanence, goodness and illumination. Likewise the righteous soul trusts that despite this fleeting world (העולם הנעלם) that turns to dust, there is an eternal realm (התחום הנצחי), a place of abiding love, and a heavenly home.

The land of promise is a “foreign land” to this world, but the heart of faith beholds “the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God” (Heb. 11:10). “For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Heb. 13:14). Therefore “we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are seen are transient (πρόσκαιρος), but the things that are unseen are eternal. For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens” (2 Cor. 4:18-5:1). In this world we suffer exile, groaning to be with our Savior, the Source of all blessing: “I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you" (Psalm 16:2). [Hebrew for Christians]

and a set of posts about the sovereignty of our Creator:

Among other things, our Torah reading this week (i.e., Balak) teaches that God can (and does) turn curses into blessings (see Neh. 13:2). There are many instances given in Scripture. For example, Joseph was blessed despite the ill-will of his brothers: "You devised evil against me, but God devised it for good" (Gen. 50:20). Note that the same verb for “devised” (i.e., chashav: חשׁב) is used to describe both the evil intent of the brothers and the good intent of the Lord. This teaches us that God overrules the malice of men to effect his own good purposes, and therefore we can rightfully affirm gam zu l'tovah (גם זו לטובה), "this too is for good" (Rom. 8:28). Underlying the surface appearance of life (chayei sha'ah) is a deeper reality (chayei olam) that is ultimately real, abiding, and designed for God's redemptive love to be fully expressed. Resist the temptation, therefore, to judge by mere appearances. Forbid your troubles (or the troubles of this world) to darken the eye of faith. Do not unjustly judge God's purposes or try to understand His ways. As the story of Balaam shows, God makes even the wrath of man praise Him (see Psalm 76:10). "Then God opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the Angel of the LORD (מלאך יהוה) standing in the way, with his drawn sword in his hand. And he bowed down..." (Num. 22:31). Indeed, every knee will bow to the LORD our God and Savior (Isa. 45:22-23; Phil. 2:10-11).

We find comfort that the schemes of the wicked are ultimately subject to the sovereign purposes of the LORD our God. "Ein od milvado" (אין עוד מלבדו) - there is no power that can be exercised apart from God’s consent and overarching will... Indeed all authority on heaven and earth belongs to Yeshua, the “the Ruler of the Kings of the earth” (עֶלְיוֹן לְמַלְכֵי־אָרֶץ). As it is written, “All the nations you have made shall come and worship before you, O Lord, and shall glorify your name” (Psalm 86:9). Amen. Hashevenu, Adonai... [Hebrew for Christians]

In this week's Torah portion (i.e., Balak) we read an ancient prophecy of the coming Messiah: “a Star shall come out of Jacob...” Amazingly, the “meshugenah” prophet Balaam – who may have been the forebear of the “magi of the east” (Matt. 2:1-2) – actually foresaw the advent of the Messiah: “I see him, but not now; I behold him, but not near: a Star shall come out of Jacob (כוכב מיעקב), and a Ruler shall rise out of Israel” (Num. 24:17). Balaam’s prophecy actually described the coming of the Messiah and his reign in two distinct aspects: “A Star from Jacob shall come" (literally, "shall lead the way," i.e., דרך), which refers to our Messiah’s first coming as the way of life (i.e., הדרך החיים, John 14:6), “and a Ruler shall arise (i.e., וקם שׁבט) from Israel,” refers to our Messiah’s second coming to establish the Kingdom of Zion upon the final redemption. [Hebrew for Christians]

6.23.21 • Facebook

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

June 24, 2021

Prayer of the Whole Heart

“Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:12-13)

There are many promises and instances of answered prayer in the Bible. Unfortunately, many of us really don’t seem to believe them and therefore don’t experience the answers to our prayers. Halfhearted praying may sometimes secure partial answers, but God exhorts us to pray wholeheartedly. “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16).

The principle is timeless and is stressed often in the Word. “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not” (Jeremiah 33:3). God’s resources are unlimited, but our motives must be pure, and our prayers must be from the heart. “Let him ask in faith, nothing wavering” (James 1:6). “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts” (James 4:3).

In addition to right motives and genuine faith, there must be deep sincerity as we pray from the heart. “Men ought always to pray, and not to faint” said Jesus (Luke 18:1), who Himself found it necessary to pray long and earnestly. “Rising up a great while before day, he...departed into a solitary place, and there prayed” (Mark 1:35).

The early church followed His teaching and example, and saw His blessing. “These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication” (Acts 1:14). “And they continued stedfastly...in prayers” (Acts 2:42). “We will give ourselves continually to prayer” (Acts 6:4). Consequently, “the word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied in Jerusalem greatly” (Acts 6:7). God is honored when we search for Him and pray to Him with all our hearts. HMM

[puff-world]

TO "SERVE AND PROTECT"

Hey this is a post I made on amino describing my opinions on the police

And in case it doesnt load

(PLEASE NO TROLLING)

This is a blog about the many issues of the police system in america and other thing

[B] WHAT THE WERE MADE FOR

The police in America are derived from slave patrols who looked for run away slaves and would beat them senselessly.

The police forces proper were founded some time after the civil war and did some interesting things.

First off in the 13th amendment it said that no citizen will be enslaved unless as a legal punishment, you can see where this is going. So laws were introduced that criminalized blacks and allowed law enforcement not just the police to arrest blacks and enslave them for their "crime" like not having a job, leaving a job interview, quitting, exiting an unfavorable deal with landlords. Imagine quitting your job because your boss was a dirt bag and being arrested and being forced to work and being labeled a felon and having your right to vote being removed. Because the anti felon voting law was a jim crow law that still persists today.

And it's not like its peaches and sunshine for every non black person because these laws could be applied to anyone. If you were homeless or jobless these laws will apply. As well this attitude if criminalization of the poor is continued in America as seen with the government using tax dollars to pay cops to kick homeless people out of condemned buildings and out from under bridges rather then using those tax dollars to help people and on that topic

In the north while the cops were arresting blacks the yankee cops where beating up people who were unionizing and protesting for whatever reason which is something you see presently today and has always been happening like how during the civil rights era the cops were just waiting for something to spark violence and sometimes did it them selves like when cops that look like soldiers throw gas grenades at protesters and run through the crowd with their cars.

Now on that subject of police violence we can now cover the protests, riots and how the police treated them in comparison to the CAPITOL seige.

The protests mainly went on for about 6 months following the death of george floyd. Now some people try to say it was just one person but if you look back this new civil rights movement is about the police's actions they have taken to brutalize and oppress bl Americans and other for decades. And they wont stop until they learn which is what this new movement is about. Like how the civil war was about abolition the civil rights movement was about desegregation, this new one will be about the decriminalization of blacks and others as well as the reform and possibly the abolishment of the police system.

Now back on topic of the protests, people often talk about how violent it was, and for the longest time I had no good answers. But now I understand, the reason violence happened was not because of evil antifa but Because of the police. As I previously described the police were just hoping for someone to beat up and there track record of protester suppression. Martin Luther king jr. Once said that quote "riots are the voice of the unheard" end quote. When people got violent it was because the police were walking in with modified gas grenade launcher and riot sheilds. I've seen the police do horrible things including beating up navy veteran Christopher david for asking the cops about there actions. According to him they surrounded him in a group of ten and started spraying him and beating him up and gave him a broken arm and fucked up his leg while he stood there and did not attack, this was a 50 something white man, if you think this blog is only about black oppression, you are wrong, this post is about the police's refusal to do good.

So yes the protests were a cluster fuck and the news reported about it Usually saying the protesters were violent and ignored actions taken by the police and even said that kyle rittenhouse a 17 white boy who shot into a crowd of protesters with an ar 15 and killed two people was a hero, and the police when they saw him they didn't shoot him or beat him they calmly asked him was there an issue and later calmly arrested him.

That's what I dont understand. Why is it that when a black man says any thing or says he has a registered fire arm hes shot and the protesters are treated as savages who burn cities even though the protesters fought for freedom like their founding fathers but when terrorists stormed the Capitol the police didn't shoot gas or beat them up they calmly stood by as these guys entered the Capitol and had the intention of attacking politicians, despite my destain for politicians this is still horrible. I will quickly mention officer Goodman who steered terrorists away from IMPORTANT parts of the Capitol, which did give time to evacuate, he was likely the only officer to do anything about the terrorists storming the Capitol.

Now you may ask, wait ABOLISH the police but they are needed to protect us also all of this seems pretty sus arent they supposed to serve and protect

Well no actually. In 2005 the supreme court ruled that the police are not obligated to protect people

As you can see the police time and time again have proven that they dont protect people, that they are violent, that they escalate situations. That if American freedom is to stay alive reforms and POSSIBLY abolishment is needed.

Now one note about personal run ins with the police. I worked at ihop for about 10 weeks as part of a program. And one day the police came in, now I was scared because I thought something would happen but I was wrong. Apparently a man called the police to take him to the hospital, Which is a relief, but I went if he were black.

Now heres some links and pictures I have

[I know th WP are not the best but still|https://youtu.be/eBvo2OE5kqM]

Know their names: Black people killed by the police in the US https://interactive.aljazeera.com/aje/2020/know-their-names/index.html

[ironwoman359]

A Moment in the Garden

This is something I wrote in a reblog from @the-asexual-reaper  (I think this is when we met, actually, though maybe it was before this, I don’t remember), and her archive page is where I found it. It has a proper title now, seeing as it’s in a new post. Again, if you know you reblogged a long post or fic of mine recently, could you let me know so I can get it back? Also, I’m gonna tag my new tag-list in this:

@punknerdmusings, @sassy-in-glasses, @bitten1ce, @jimprotectionsquad, @splatoon-jim, @snowelfxx, @xdamienplier, @thedundundunnnsong, @simon-seppa, @damien-iplier

--- --- ---

Surprisingly, there were still good days. On good days, the three minds that swirled inside the broken vessel worked in harmony, ceasing to be separate people and merging into one being, with one purpose. They worked in a synchronization so seamless that most people couldn’t even tell there was something deeper under the surface.

It had been a very bad day.

Damien and Celine had had a minor disagreement, which had turned into an argument, and then Dark made the mistake of taking a side and the three broke out into an all out fight. Their body jerked, glitched and spasmed as they fought each other for control. Gray, blue and red auras expanded around them like a multicolored storm cloud, enveloping the whole room. Bim Trimmer knocked over his chair, he got up and ran from the room so fast. Dark noticed out of the corner of his eye that Trimmer had left, which only made things worse.

“Ḩ̶̻̯̫O̵͎̗̲͜W̵̨͍̻̜ ̸M̷̯͇̞̲A̸̞̪͕͉N̴̢̮̱͔Y̷̨͚̮̩ T̴̗̠̥̱I̴̳̙͔̞M̶̢̝̞͕E̶̻̹̦͈S̶̝͎͇̙?̴͕͇̪̠!̴͍͎͖̖ N̵͕͉̟͜Ǫ̸̼͈̝T̶̜̩̣̻ I̶̝̰̫̦N̷̨͕̺̪ ̸F̸̣̻͈͈R̶̢̬͔̺O̶̦̪̤ͅN̴̞̯̝̞T̶͍̼̺̬ O̴̡̦̼̰F̴͍̙̰̗ Ţ̴̢̹͙Ḫ̴̢̖̤E̸̝̘̦͜ O̴̮̹̠̬T̵̨̬̞̮H̴̱̱̬̺E̵͓̜̰ͅR̷͇̘̜̜S̸̲̰̮̠!̶͈̠͙̳” he roared, slamming his fist down on the table.

“Oh, let them see!” Damien shouted back. “Let them see that we can’t keep it together, let them see that we can’t even handle controlling this broken sack of bones, let alone this whole damn operation!”

“WE NEED THEIR HELP, DAMIEN!” Celine cried, trying to envelop him in her aura, trying to calm him, but it was no use.

They went on like that for a while, until the office door burst open, revealing Warfstache standing in the doorway, Bim peeking over his shoulder.

“He just started spazzing out, and I tried to talk to him but it’s like he didn’t hear me,” he said, taking a step back as Warfstache fearlessly walked into the room.

“Stop it, Darkiplier,” he said firmly. There was no visible response at first, and Wilford sighed. “Get out,” he said, turning to Bim. “Get out, and tell everyone that Dark will see no one else today. GO!” he added when Bim hesitated. Bim scampered away, and Wilford turned his attention back to the mass of power and rage behind the desk.

“DARKIPLIER, LISTEN TO ME!” he shouted. There was a slight flicker of response from Dark, and Wilford latched onto that, repeating the name over and over again.

Darkiplier. Darkiplier. Darkiplier.

Eventually, the auras settled, retreating back into their body and fading to their normal background glow. Darkiplier blinked rapidly, readjusting to the cooperation. He saw Wilford, and looked away, embarrassment peeking through the anger that still showed on his face.

“And he’s back!” Wilford said with a bombastic grin. “Honestly Darkiplier, you’ll lose your reputation as the fearsome one in charge around here if you keep going off like that!”

Darkiplier stood up briskly, and with a muttered “Excuse me,” left the room, brushing past Wilford without making eye contact.

Wilford found him later, sitting in the garden, facing the sun with his eyes closed. Wilford sat next to him without a word. There was never any talking when they sat like this. Hell, most days Wilford wasn’t sure why he even bothered to comfort the dark entity. There was just a comradery, he supposed between the two “dangerous” egos. They were all dangerous, of course, but Wilford knew that Darkiplier was by far the most feared among the egos themselves, and that he wasn’t far behind. The others, they were predictable.

But he and Dark…he chuckled to himself as he glanced over at his friend. They both had something hiding beneath the surface.

Wilford wasn’t quite sure what that was, but he knew that Darkiplier did. So on days like today, when it was Dark’s turn to lose it, to break down in front of the others or go off the rails like Wilford himself so often did, there was an unspoken agreement to be there for each other.

They sat in the garden for what seemed like hours, though it could have been only five minutes, taking in the trees, the sunshine, and the sound of the birds. Darkiplier stood suddenly, straightening his tie and brushing off his lapels. He turned to go back inside, to go back to work, but before he did he looked back at Wilford.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, and for a moment his red and blue auras separated again, as if acknowledging Wilford’s presence. Then, they faded back to normal and he briskly walked back towards his office.

Wilford chuckled as he turned his eyes back to the trees. “Any time, old friend,” he whispered to himself. “Any time.”

[ughthatimagineblog]

Hair

bucky barnes x reader

prompt; bucky is gone on a mission and comes back w long hair and reader thinks its hot

requested; @sebatmanstan

word count; 917

warnings; cursing MAYBE?

a/n; im not even gonna give a long rant on why ive been on hiatus for this long yall dont give a shit lmao heres a short ass trash fic im posting on mobile

Six months. Bucky had been gone for six months. Your foot tapped up and down on your bed in anxious waiting for his return. You were laying down, one knee folded, trying to read, watch TV, anything to try and pass the time.

Tony had passed the news on that Bucky, Steve, Nat and Wanda would be returning home today. They went on a half year long mission to try and bust an illegal arms dealer. It took months because he kept moving and changing identities.

Once caught, they were on their way home. Last you checked in with Buck, he was halfway across the Atlantic. You only spoke over the phone in the past six months and it was hard.

You missed him. Missed his clean shaven face, his beautiful hair that hung just above the ears. His strong arms that wrapped around you at night and made you feel safe. But over the last few months, the bed was cold and you were lonely.

You still had friends at the compound, though. Peter was your friend. Closer to your age anyways. He was four years younger than you but still made good company. Bucky was jealous of him and you could tell, but nonetheless, you loved Buck, not Peter.

Vision also made exceptional company. You found it entertaining to talk with him about his knowledge on so many things and it also helped that you both shared a longing for someone who wasnt there.

He missed Wanda as you missed Bucky, and you confided in each other about how you felt. The understanding that was between you was a nice thing to have in Bucky's absence.

But late last night Tony spread the news of the team's returning and you couldn't sleep. Your heart was beating too fast, too much happy anxiety of your lover returning.

It was like the kind of anxiety you got as a child when you knew the next day you were going on vacation or a field trip. You were just ecstatic.

However, it was getting later in the day and your eyes began to drift shut, despite the pounding of your heart in your chest.

You told yourself youd be awake when they got back and you were only going to take a short nap as you allowed yourself to drift to sleep.

When you awoke it was dark in your room and the scent of garlic and pasta was strong. You hadn't smelled that in months. Someone was making dinner.

No one around here made dinner the entirety you were there. Only Wanda would cook. Your heart kick started again and you threw on nicer clothes and combed your hair with your fingers.

Deciding it was good enough, you tried your hardest not to run to the dining area. When you got there your heart nearly leapt out of your chest.

Everyone's silent chatter soon fell as you entered the room. Facing you was Tony, Steve, and Nat. Wanda was at the end of the table in the process of serving, Vision's back was to you, next to Wanda, and Bucky and Peter were sitting next to each other. You almost didnt realize it was Bucky, even from behind.

His hair had grown longer.

Steve was smirking at the fact you had finally showed up and you figured it was because he knew how much his friend missed you. After all he did have to listen to six months of complaining about being away from you.

Peter turned around first. His face lit up. "Y/N! You made it!" Bucky whipped his head around at your name.

His beard had grown a bit as well and you felt your legs turn to jelly. "Doll." He breathed before getting up and running to you. You wrapped your arms around him and kissed him quickly, running your hands through his now long hair.

He had gone from hot to that of a god.

"I missed you so much." He whispered and you said the same.

Sitting back down to eat, you couldnt help but stare at his hair. It was beautiful. You never knew how you loved any other style on him because suddenly this was all you knew.

You probably stared for what felt like a few seconds before you felt hands grip your mind, an almost tingling sensation and you realized Wanda was pulling your focus.

"Y/N." Wanda half said, half laughed. You looked around and everyone was watching you. Peter spoke first. "You've been staring at Cyborg now for like ten minutes, are you okay?" You chuckled at the nickname but felt heat rise to your cheeks when you saw Bucky go from glaring at Peter to looking at you again.

"You were." He smiled.

You looked around again and laughed. "Sorry. I just missed you, and i really like your hair now. I mean, I did before but I like it even more now." You admitted and people laughed at your small ramble.

And when you heard Bucky's laughter fill your ears, you realized just how much you missed him.

And he missed you too. Seeing you after so long was like finally taking a breath of air after being underwater for longer than normal.

He cherished every moment with you, as you did with him, knowing that any moment you or him could get called away again. But that was one thing you promised. To always come back to each other.

And you did.