#also pls lmk if you read it and like it
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so. i've been thinking probably way much about bucky's attachment/abandonment issues bc they're soooo loud to me like he clings to people so hard!!! he wants to be chosen!!! him asking gale "did you miss me?" after spending objectively not that much time apart half joking but half sincere bc he's used to people getting tired of him and leaving so he has to make sure.
And it makes gale saying no to london even more of a Big Deal. and paulina leaving him the morning after even when he asked her to stay!!! and lil kissing him but getting with dye!! and once again feeling rejected in the stalag when gale won't leave with him, won't even entertain the thought of it !! andddd not having anyone writing him letters, possibly not even his family for reasons we don't get to know but probably are a big part of why he has attachment issues
i've already said this but i'll say it again even though he's confident/cocky at times he doesn't... like himself . or has a lot of regard for his own life which we literally see in the show. he was Capital S Suicidal ā bc of the stalag obviously but come on he drinks like crazy and gambles and smokes even before things get Really Bad. and the plane wing sceneeeee you don't goad your friend !! not even a random person but a Friend into hitting you if you're a well adjusted individual. And he was ready to give up fr when gale went down. he did not want to bail out with brady!!! AND him risking his eye to get gale a bike (which while yeah crazy yaoi moment . to me also ties into him needing to be wanted/needed so people won't leave him) so yeah clearly not huge on self preservation which at least in my perception is something that stems from self hatred
all of these rejections (even if justified at times) are probably a series of blows to his perception of himself/sense of self and just reaffirm to him in his head that he's not good enough and he is right to expect to be left by the people he loves. and he tries to stop that by clinging as hard as he can and not being expendable/replaceable. but if they do leave he can rationalize it because if everyone leaves him clearly it's his fault, he's the one lacking ā which feeds his recklessness and self destructive coping mechanisms even more
#once again he would've loved liability by lorde.....#am i reading too much into a character from a pretty mid show? yeah maybe. it's fun tho so who cares!#ANYWAY i've been circling this in my head all day#if i forgot any scenes of him being rejected pls lmk#i wanted to do a rewatch to check but i have literally no free time atm so š#also i know i'm not like reinventing the wheel here or anything a lot of this is literally Text. it's In The Show.#I JUST WANNA TALK ABOUT HIM ALWAYS#john egan#mota#pls i'm rereading all this now hours later while high and it sounds so dramatic i'm crying I CAN'T TELL IF IT IS OR NOT#i just lowkey can't take myself seriously bc it's a fucking rpf ww2 show i'm obsessed with solely bc of the yaoi#well if it is dramatic pretend it's not idk#Also again if you disagree that's cool . it's just how i perceive him
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drdttober day twelve - traditional clothing
#drdt#danganronpa despair time#drdttober#drdttober2023#drdttober 2023#hu jing#i passed out for 6 hours this evening are you proud everyone#11:50 BABEY#i did my best to see if this was culturally appropriate (in the like 20 min i had to check) so i THINK this is ok but iām not chinese#so like. LMK IF IM VIOLATING ANYTHING!! Pls#other than that#i apologize for the lower quality in these past few days! iva had a lot more overtime and was also sick for a while so my sleep schedule#is. fine#(lie)#itāll hopefully get better soon sorry again#iām planning on doing a drdt general post towards after october ends as like a review thing#iāll probably include like my favorite piece that i made#least favorite#ect#iāll explain more there! thank you for reading these tags#often times i want to talk in the original posts too. but like. iām keeping up the#format so..
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sketches ft. ted + audrei :3 since i havent posted ab them in a while
also im back from my little break from posting,, feeling a bit better now š«”
#cykoscandycane#the lorax#lorax#audrei blouse#ted welte#tedrei????#also ted is kinda blind so he wears contacts most of the time#he only wears glasses while reading :^#i rlly love drawing audreis hair tbh#welteās fav food is banana but he rarely gets the chance to eat one due to the limited choices they have in their community š#this au is inspired by the book The Giver butā¦#you know like less strict?? if that makes sense if you read the book#i could make a text/lore post ab this au pls lmk if i should#IM SO SORRY I DIDNT FORGET ABOUT ZONE OMF
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Season Finale
Sick and tired of reading about people say that Dazai knowing about the plan beforehand somehow takes away from the genuineness of the skk moments
You mean you WANT Dazai to choose to kill Chuuya for the greater good and then not give a shit immediately after?? Ignoring the speech for a second, the reason he was able to be so carefree after ākillingā Chuuya is because he KNEW Chuuya was gonna be okay.
First of all, Dazai knowing Chuuya wasnāt gonna die doesnāt take away from his speech. He replayed all those memories for himself, nobody else was seeing what was happening in his head. He was GENUINELY upset at the idea of losing Chuuya and having to put Chuuya through that, DESPITE knowing Chuuya would be okay. He was STILL upset. Thatās way better than him thinking he just killed Chuuya, sparing him a thought, not even crying (bc no that wasnāt a tear) and then just moving on being silly as if nothing happened.
And then the other speech him saying that theyāre destined to - do you seriously think heād just make that up for shits and giggles? He was being serious. If he was gonna play it up for Fyodorās sake he wouldāve said the most emotional out of pocket line to ever be written, which to them would be related to him leaving Chuuya behind. But no he just said theyāre destined to do something.
Dazai talks a lot about the past to Chuuya (Chuuya does not participate) but those two are clearly emotionally constipated bc they never have a conversation about what they mean to each other (which I think is bc Asagiri is not ready to reveal that yet). This was clearly Dazai taking his opportunity to say what he REALLY thinks / feels forcing Chuuya to listen without the commitment. Bc if anyone gets the ick later he can use the convenient excuse of āoh I didnāt mean thatā which is bullshit.
And I do think an element of this idea that itās worse that Dazai had everything planned comes from the misunderstanding that Dazai has completely changed since he was in the port mafia. Dazai just tends to make ābetterā (as in more objectively good) choices, but he very much still puts on a front. You guys do realize that his silly persona is just that right? A persona? Heās literally being fake every time heās silly. Thatās not his real personality. Heās a morally gray character. He never became a purely good person and he never will. It makes MUCH more sense that he planned everything out with Chuuya beforehand.
He met up with Akutagawa before getting arrested, he probably did the same with Chuuya.
And yes, this means he DID use and manipulate Sigma the entire time. Why wouldnāt he? Sigma has an ability Dazai needed. Iām sure Dazai planned for sigma to not die bc in his role as a detective itās part of his job to mitigate losses of innocent lives, he knows this, but also bc Dazai needs to know what sigma learned. I genuinely hope there isnāt anyone out there thinking Dazai wouldnāt manipulate sigma bc he cares about him? He just met him. He has no personal investment in him. But he WILL make sure sigma is alive bc of the aforementioned reasons.
#soukoku#skk#bsd skk#yes I did just make a new side blog to post this lol#I just read something and it made me angry so this probably sounds really aggressive š„“#I swear Iām usually more chill#I also canāt explain how angry and heartbroken I was when I saw in the manga that Dazai didnāt care he just killed Chuuya#and started just messing around with sigma#I genuinely canāt fathom why you guys want that to have happened#I can look back at those scenes and breathe now knowing Dazai knew Chuuya was gonna be okay#I will probably be less angry if anyone replies in a few hours and will be able to have a civil discussion if anyone disagrees lol#tho pls be aware since this IS a side blog I canāt reply directly bc it forces me to reply with my main blog#and I donāt really want anyone to see my main blog#so Iāll have to reblog and then @ most likely#unless this has been fixed??#if I can reply with a sideblog pls lmk#also pls donāt be rude Iāll reply if you respectfully disagree thatās fine but not if youāre just gonna yell at me#I know a lot of this is probably a hot take#but Iām feeling brave what can I say
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so has anyone on the face of this planet read vN by Madeline Ashby because I'm losing it a little
#javier......................do you understand how important you are to me#javier please stop eating out of the garbage for one second so i can talk to you#anyway no spoilers but this book is literally about cannibalistic pregnant robots#pregnancy as generational trauma but also pregnancy as eating disorder based trauma#but also cannibalism as love and cannibalism as parenthood and cannibalism as torture AND cannibalism as self harm#if you are at all interested in this pls look up trigger warnings because they are ROUGH and even when you think they won't br#they come out so much worse than you think#(also it can be hard to find info abt them so lmk if you need specifics)#javier has joined the list of android men i want to shake in a jar#''it takes a man to be a single mother'' was written for him#also if you want to read this PLEASE read ''the education of junior no. 12'' by the same author first#its a better intro to the world/the mechanics i think and its all about javier#and it makes his character have a lot more layers to his behavior#idk im not finished yet but i like it a lot so far#vN#madeline ashby
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uhh. uhhhhh
#realistically i knw that if i went thru with making animatics for all of these songs I think my hand would fall off BUT. i have brainrot#half of these songs are either here bc of the vibe or because i listened to the lyrics and read analyses and put 2 much effort than i had t#ALSO LISTEN. LISTEN BODYBAG IS EXACTLY EVERYTHING I IMAGINE WHENEVER I THINK OF WUKONG AND MACAQUES RELATIONSHIP OK#two birds and baby hotline is also kind of self explanatory. although most of the jack stauber songs are mostly for vibe#bitter water is a very specific flavor of pining / unhealthy outlook. kind of has like an insatiable vibe to it but idk how to name it#i want soap to be a healing song but maybe im just being optimistic. im here for the vibes although i feel like if swk and macaque were#actually to make up i think they would go into it kicking and screaming. and im frustrated because i cant find a song to match that#except maybe bodybag which AGAIN. THEY ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THATS HOW THEYRE GONNA HEALL FLYING BARK PLS#what if it doesnt end well also feels like a doomed narrative to me. like if you think about it from how their relationship might have st#started (and im probably taking from how everyone romanticizes their relationship as something really innocent or sweet at the start which#i am also not immune to that). but knowing them it is also a very good possibility thats not the case at all. what it is i dont know#primadonna also strikes me as a swk song but like msotly because he serves cunt. on that note I like to imagine rose colored boy as swk to#MK.BECAUSEEE i love how MK brings out the best in people AND AND AND!! 5000 year old immortal who has seen some shit come on people 'and i#have taken my glasses off' COME ON LOOK ATIT. you could also argue that could be macaque to MK and it would make sense#Spotify#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#yapping#playlist#monkie kid
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i think if hozier was the one narrating sally rooneyās audiobooks that might finally get me to finish smth by her . or niall horan
#was listening to through me(the flood) and his lil irish accent pops out so much in it i want him 2 read aloud to me sooooo bad. and then we#kiss after <3#also do we even like sally rooney like ik you guys lavvvv her but is she even good is she worth it will i be bored in a good way or a bad#way !!!! idk!!!!!#if you have a fav by her pls lmk iām so torn . like maybe itās just too late now perhaps i have missed my window to read her#and i just need to accept that :////#but fr hozier or niall horan get them on the phone w me iām sure i could convince them!!!!!!!! they would literally do anything for me!!!!!!#books
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gojo satoru x reader | oneshot smut [18+]
title. around the clock
Hooking up with your little brotherās babysitter? That sounds more like a bad porno than a sensible decision.
į° pairing. babysitter/boxing au - underground boxer & babysitter!gojo x college student!reader (f)
į° summary. when underground boxer gojo satoru becomes a little strapped for cash, he gets a day job as a babysitter for a five-year-old kid named yuuji who most definitely has adhd (but thatās besides the point). the kidās mom gave gojo two rules, and two rules only: donāt accidentally kill my son, and do not flirt with my daughter. heās pretty sure heās got a good hold on the former, but heās got no self control over the latter.
į° warnings/tags. 18+, fem!reader, smut, casual sex, lil bit of fluff, lil bit of crack, slight age gap (readerās 22 & gojoās 27), cum play, creampie, unprotected sex, praise kink, slight degradation, gojo is a sleazebag that cares?, sort of porn-coded smut except thereās a lil bit of lore so itās kinda porn w plot, uhh having sex with risk of getting caught, gojo beats people up at night & then plays father figure to a 5 y/o during the day, mentions of violence/alcohol/drugs/blood/cigarettes
į° word count. 12.6k
a/n. hiiii friends jeez it feels like FOREVER since i've posted some good ol' smut (still has plot tho xd)...hopefully you enjoy n see ya at the bottom! lmk if i missed any warnings! if you asked to be tagged but didnāt get tagged itās bc you have your tags off aaa :( even when some ppl tried to fix it i still couldnāt tag them iām sorry!!
alsoooooo so very much love to @starmapz for beta reading this for me :ā) really helped me w my posting nerves haha. she is also a wonderful jjk author pls go check out her works!! š ART CREDITS: @/3-aem
āø masterlist
2:34 pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): heyy um iām sorry if this comes off kinda rude i just am kinda bad with this but i was wondering if you could text my mom for questions about yuujiās care instead of me?
2:46pm Gojo Satoru: Oh 2:46pm Gojo Satoru: Yeah, sure
2:34 pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): sorry i know my mom doesnāt know much ab how to take care of him bc i was the one that took care of him for a while but i just really want to separate myself from that guardian role now that iāve transferred to NYU yknow? :/ i think itās not my place anymore. i just wanna be big sis now haha
2:46pm Gojo Satoru: I get it. Sorry if I was making you uncomfortable with my texts
2:48pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): no no not uncomfy by it, thanks for looking after him. itās just iām kind of busy n stuff so it can be distractingĀ
2:49pm Gojo Satoru: Ok, got it
2:52pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): and it was kind of an issue with his last babysitter
2:53pm Gojo Satoru: Oh?
2:55pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): yeahhh like he would keep textinf me n stuff uhh kinda weird thingsā¦ i told my mom about it and she was super pissed so she fired him
2:55pm Gojo Satoru: Weird things?
2:56pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): yeah he was always āaccidentally sexting meā n like he sent me a dick pic once sooooo yeah
2:56pm Gojo Satoru: Who tf 2:56pm Gojo Satoru: Iāll go beat him up
2:57pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): oh no no its fine lol 2:57pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): please dont beat anyone up 2:58pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): iām not saying youāre like him tho i just think maybe less texting unless its an emergency okay?
3:00pm Gojo Satoru: Are you sure because I will totally go beat him up for you
3:01pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): NO I DONT WANT YOU TO BEAT ANYONE UP FOR ME 3:01pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): also no offense but you dont look like you could beat someone up
3:01pm Gojo Satoru: WHAT 3:02pm Gojo Satoru: Tf you mean āno offenseā thatās literally the most offensive thing you could say to a guy
3:04pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): yeaa i mean you have muscles ofc but in the āohhh i wanna look good for instagramā way and not like real man muscles yknow
3:06pm Gojo Satoru: Ok princess next time you visit home and go on one of your stupidly large grocery hauls Iāll make sure you carry all those groceries in by yourselfĀ
3:06pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): NO 3:07pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): I WAS JUST JOKING 3:07pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): YOURE SO STRONG TY FOR ALWAYS CARRYING THE GROCERIES INSIDE 3:08pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): PLEASE KEEP CARRYING MY GROCERIES INSIDE
3:09pm Gojo Satoru: Nah 3:09pm Gojo Satoru: Should we be texting right now? Iām not sensing any emergencies here
3:11pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): pls. my groceries :(
3:16pm Gojo Satoru: Iāll let the kiddo know you say hi šš¼Ā
The irony of it all was that, if Gojo really wanted to, he absolutely could beat the shit out of someone. And he has, hundreds of times, pseudo professionally. Although that isnāt something heād admit to you, out of fear that you might relay that info back to your mom who would then become mortified that sheās entrusted her five-year-old sonās life to the hands of an underground boxer.Ā
But he needed the money. A night-time job didnāt really make daytime money, not when they could easily replace him with the next dude the second he gets knocked out of the ring more than twice, let alone if he let it happen once. And although he sometimes made large sums, it wasnāt stable income. He needed a back-up plan, and so babysitting it was.Ā
The babysitter working nights at unsanctioned dojos and gyms located in the back of cartel blocks, knocking teeth out of men twice his size, would put any decent mother into a coma or induce some episode of syncope, hence why it wasnāt something he put on his resume before he got hired. Not that he even needed to provide a resume; your mom seemed desperate to cover the position as fast as possible, that promotion at work was moving faster than she wanted to, and Gojoās beneficial attribute that he possessed as a candidate to look after her son, compared to all the other potential hires, was that he had a penis.
He likes the kid. Yuuji. Heās got kind of a short attention span, and makes Gojo weary of his age. Hold up, that makes him sound like heās geriatric, heās really only the ripe old age of twenty-seven, but the immortality and infinite stamina that a five-year-old boy has on him is enough to have him huffing and puffing at the end of every single evening shift he takes on with the rascal.Ā
Fighting is all sprint, and no stamina. Sure, there might be some more seasoned boxers that might disagree with him, but for someone as young as him in the field, itās the tactic heās been forced to gain. If he draws a fight on for too long, he'll get killed by a forty-two year old man with steroids clogging up his adipose tissue and enoughĀ testosterone to grow a full-body beard by the time the sun starts to set. No, his strategy is to knock them out within the first fifteen seconds. Use their weight against them, and whatnot. A tactic heās found has worked, since heās been undefeated thus far.Ā
He can never wrap his head around it. The drug lords that run the rings whoāve gained millions the night before from selling crystal meth only to lose it all the night following in the second Gojo hooklines a solid punch to their betting boxerās chin, making them see God & their Momma before they tap out (if theyāre even able).
He doesnāt pocket much money from it, not anything compared to what the men who bet on him end up making at least, but itās a decently solid sum. How lucrative it really is depends solely on what he thinks the value of his life is.
Itās not unheard of, boxers dying in the ring. Turns out, rich drug dealers care very little about the sheep theyāve captured to perform their entertaining little stunts. But Gojo wasnāt doing all of this to feel some sense of work-life pride, no, it was just sustenance. When basic needs are not met, humans resort to the most animalistic of all behaviors, and while heās not proud of what he does, he canāt deny the fact that itās turned him into an adrenaline junkie that gets a rush in his veins every time he knocks a jaw loose.
But balance was key. And hence why heās a boxer by night, babysitter by day. For at least four days a week, he gets to pretend heās the kingās most trusted appointed knight, or heās the radioactive tyrannosaurus rex that wants to tyrannize all the other dinosaurs, or maybe heās the evil power ranger (he always forgets which color that one was) that is determined to make the world a living hell by smashing mr. potatohead against the bunk bed post a billion times for all the other toys to see. Or whatever other imaginative hyperfixations Yuuji imposes on him in the later afternoon once heās had his bowl of spaghetti-Oās and is ready to play. Lately, the kidās been really into space. Theyāve got all sorts of space toys these days. Back in Gojoās day, he just had a good olā Buzz Lightyear.
āOne rule, thatās it: donāt accidentally kill my son. Actually, one more rule. Donāt flirt with my daughter.āĀ
Thereās a part of Gojo that believes your mom kind of knows heās up to shady shit at night, otherwise why else would she clause for him to not flirt with you if she didnāt read the slight swell to his eye and the healing gash across his cheek as anything other than this boy is trouble and I want him nowhere near my too-good-for-him daughter of reproductive capacity since thatās the exact tale of how I became a single mother in the first place. Or maybe he inherently looks like heās up to no good? Heās not sure which angle is more offensive, and which one was more flattering. Well in any case, she entrusted Yuujiās life to him, despite acknowledging the plausibility of harm, and that means she overall thinks positively of him, right? ā¦ā¦right?
The first night he met you, it was awkward to say the least. Gojo spends most of his nights performing deadly stunts for middle aged men with potbellies, and most of his days hanging out with a five-year-old (one who heād argue is his only friend at this point). Sure, heās got some people he sees occasionally back in his high school hometown when he can brave hearing about how everyoneās in college now or doing a masters or theyāre working respectable nine-to-five day jobs meanwhile he has to lie to his Pops that heās been working in insurance for the past two years. Listen, in fairness, he probably makes the same amount of money as an insurance broker would anyways, but he canāt exactly own up to the identity of his craft.Ā
Anyways, the point is, heās not used to seeing other people his age anymore. Thereās the occasional hook-up with girls he hasnāt seen since Mrs. Tracyās homeroom period back in sweet two-thousand-sixteen, or his twice-a-year hangout with Suguru where he only learns the day of where he's visiting from since the guy moves around more than Gojo can keep up with. But save for that, he mostly just sees your mom and then Yuuji.Ā
So seeing you standing in the kitchen for the first time when he went to put Yuujiās half-finished GoGurt back in the fridge was startling to say the least. When the sight of a woman startled him, he knew he needed to start getting out again.
You were on your tiptoes, reaching up to grab at something over the fridge, and wearing these ridiculously short shorts to where he could see the curve of your ass, his line of sight trailing down the skin of your bare legs. He couldnāt see anything of your form above your shorts, given you were wearing an extremely baggy t-shirt with NYU on it in big bolded university letters. As far as he knew, you were a senior at NYU, studying psychology, made deanās list consecutively for the past three years given the way your mother posted all your stellar transcripts up on the fridge (he gets that sheās proud of her daughter, but doesnāt that kind of stuff usually end in grade school?) But other than that, it was all the information he had on you.
āHere,ā he said, pressing his front to your back, maybe just to get a feel, as he reached over to you to finally grab the box of cereal you were swatting for, the one that he purposefully placed at the back because Yuuji learned how to climb counters recently. āIs this what you want?ā
He had heard you gasp, spinning around on your heel fast, staring up at him with wide eyes like you werenāt expecting some random man to be in the house right now, and your first instinct ended up being to grab the knife out of the kitchen knife block and lunge it straight at his torso.
If it wasnāt for his boxer reflexes, heād have ended up at the ER that evening. Or dead. All depending on the strength you could pack into a stab. But instead, he deflected it, though not without a gash to his torso through the fabric of his shirt, one that you spent the rest of the evening profusely apologizing for and eventually mending to with cotton balls and neosporin.Ā
āI didnāt know you were my little brotherās babysitter,ā you mumbled with a small wince on your face as you dabbed ointment on the wound while he pulled the hem of his shirt up to his shoulder. Heās never had an injury tended to before. It was nice.
āItās fine, I get it, totally acceptable response to seeing a random dude in your house.ā
He remembers the curl of your eyelashes while you stared down at his bare upper half, something he imprinted on his memory rather than the concern in your face as your fingertips traced the scars across his chest. He hoped they made you feel better about the one you just slashed into him, because after all, what was one more?Ā
He knows he shouldnāt have, but he kissed you that night. Two minutes before your mom came home, and right after you bid him goodnight with one more apology, he backed you up against the door of your bedroom, his hands on your hips pulling you towards him, and his lips pressed against yours. Something seamless, from candid conversation that was heading towards an end, to full fledged making out against white-painted wood, his teeth nipping at your lip and he wondered just how touch-starved those university boys were leaving you given the desperate way youād clinged to his shirt for dear life as he deepened the kiss.
The moment only lasted one minute and fifty-seven seconds, and in the remaining three, your motherās key pushed into the front door and he had to pull away. Always, on the dot, 10PM, she was home. It was how he knew he had two minutes left to make a move in the first place.
So much for no flirting.
6:57pm Gojo Satoru: Bahahah I accidentally forgot where yuujiās epipen is 6:58pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo] 6:59pm Gojo Satoru: Turns out this can-o-soup was just covering it in the cabinet
7:01pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): ??? why did you need to find his epipen
7:08pm Gojo Satoru: Oh he accidentally took a bite of my pad thai 7:09pm Gojo Satoru: I freaked cuz I thought it had peanuts in it but I remember I asked for it without anyĀ 7:09pm Gojo Satoru: shitās crazy
7:10pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU TEXT ME????????
7:12pm Gojo Satoru: YOU SAID YOU DIDNT WANT ME TEXTING YOU UNLESS IT WAS AN EMERGENCY ?
7:13pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): SATORU YOU THOGHT HE ATE SOMETHING W PEANUTS IN IT AND YOU FORGOT WHERE HIS EPIPEN WAS THATSS A FUCKIGN EMERGENCY
7:15pm Gojo Satoru: THE KID IS DOING FINE HES ALIVE JESUS LEAVE ME ALONE 7:16pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo] 7:16pm Gojo Satoru: See. heās chill 7:17pm Gojo Satoru: with intact airways might I add 7:18pm Gojo Satoru: Also isnāt he a little too old to still be watching baby sensory videos?
7:20pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): yeah my mom thinks he has adhd :(
7:22pm Gojo Satoru: oh
He tried to keep his word though (although he doesnāt recall ever giving it) out of the respect he had for your mom. She was a hard-working lady, single mom of two who went from working three jobs to now being a major administrator at a big law firm near the outskirts of town. It was an underdog story if heād ever heard one, and he loved an underdog story.Ā
But a little texting here and there wouldnāt hurt, right? Or so he thought, until you told him to cut it out with the contact. Maybe you were just trying to be the good one in this situation. After all, hooking up with your little brotherās babysitter? That sounds more like a bad porno than a sensible decision. Still, heāll eventually get your replies to his which shirt should Yuuji wear to the park? and look, the toothfairy gave him the butt of a joint and a couple thumbtacks for his front tooth. heās ecstatic texts, although in a less timely manner than before when you werenāt trying to preserve propriety. And when youād occasionally visit every other weekend, heād do his best to keep his hands in his pockets, and youād fill up your nights with hangouts with your hometown friends to avoid spending too much time with him at the house. A silent agreement to not fuck each other, it was.Ā
4:55pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): send pic of yuuji pls i miss him :(
5:04pm Gojo Satoru: [sent a photo]
5:08pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): IS THAT BLOOD?!?!?!?!
5:09pm Gojo Satoru: chillllllll itās fake. Weāre working on his halloween costume
5:09pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): WHY DOES IT HAVE BLOOD?!?!?!?!?!?
5:10pm Gojo Satoru: He wants to be a baby xenomorph and I'm his parasitic host. You know that iconic chestburster scene from the old school alien movies? yeah
5:12pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): satoru please for the love of god just dress him up as a dinosaur or something
5:13pm Gojo Satoru: Iām not the one that came up with the idea, okay? It was him
5:14pm yuujiās sis (no flirting): because you let him watch adult swim with you before putting him to bed. youāve deranged his brain.
5:14pm Gojo Satoru: He needs it. Builds character.
Gojo was living a double life, and if someone asked him, heād say it was less of a Clark Kent way and more of a Bruce Wayne way, although in reality, he knows itās close to neither. Heās no superhero with a concealed identity fighting crime, heās a con artist thatās tricked a hard-working woman into hiring him just because heās trying to save up enough money to get the fuck out of this godforsaken town, given heās not knocked dead before then for the crimeās amusement.
But Yuuji looks up to him now. And Gojoās grown attached to him too. He taught the kid how to tie his own shoes and piss inside the actual toilet like a real man. And that kidās the only thing thatās made him question any of this. Maybe thatās what dads feel, suddenly held to all this impossible responsibility and the pressure to stop doing stupid shit so that youāll stick around to see your kids get older. The thought that there are eyes on you now, eyes that are innocent and hopeful and learning, and because they know nothing at all, you feel the responsibility to protect them from everything. For fucks sake, remind him to never become a dad.Ā
āDo you like my sister?ā Yuuji had asked him out of nowhere one afternoon after he just got home from preschool, stacking a blue cube over a yellow one at the dining table.
āUhh,ā Gojo starts. He wondered if your mom had put a wire on the kid, so his answer was as diplomatic as he could manage. āYeah, sheās cool. Youāve got a cool sister.ā
āBut. But.ā Yuuji stutters, trying to find his big boy words. He stretches up higher to reach the top of his stack of blocks, but he only has so much arm real estate at the age of five. āDo you like her like you wanna kiss her?ā
Gojo grabs the block from the kidās hand, for a moment questioning Yuujiās decision to want to put a blue block over another blue block, but he figures aesthetics are the least of a kidās concern, and so he places the block where Yuuji wanted it.Ā
Why does the kid know what kissing is anyway? Do kids know that kind of stuff at that age? Isnāt a kiss to a five-year-old just something their mom gives to them before they head off to preschool for the day? And not something that happens between adult men and women? Maybe he should stop watching that adult swim in front of him.
āNo. I donāt want to kiss your sister,ā he says, again, because he is suspicious of a wire. It was a lie and then some, because he wants to do a lot more than just kiss you.
Gojo lifts the RedBull he was nursing up to his lips and watches Yuuji in the corner of his eye as the kid stares at his growing stack of blocks with a concentrated expression on his face, his chubby fingers squeezing tightly into little round dimpled balls, like heās putting together all his tiny brain cells together to form another coherent thought before turning to face Gojo on the chair.
āItās ok. You can kiss her if you wanāed to. You can marry her too,ā Yuuji says.
Gojo almost spits out his RedBull. He barely manages to swallow it, a broken cough immediately leaving his throat when some of the liquid goes down the wrong pipe and heās smacking a fist against his chest to knock the sanity back into himself.
āWhere the fuāā¦where the flip did that come from?ā he asks, blinking back tears from the rasp in his throat.
Yuujiās small shoulders sulk as he sits back on his heels. āI want a papa.ā
Oh fuck that hurt. Jesus christ, there was nothing more sad than that. Yuuji has literally never known what itās like to have a dad, since his had left before he was even born. Gojoās not really close to his old man by any means, but he had still been a fatherly figure in some pivotal moments when he had needed it growing up. Kids need their dads. And heās seen enough people lose their way without one to know that the value of them is really underestimated.
Heās also kind of shocked that Yuuji really did think of you as his motherly figure. Maybe since it had always just been him and his dad, Gojo learned how to self sustain from a young age, and he and his dad became accustomed to just looking after their own interests to avoid the headache of tending to one another. My land is my land, and your land is yours, and there was the occasional Saturday night spent together with his dadās millions of beer bottles emptied dry on the carpet in front of the 1992 box TV as the two shared a greasy pizza from the place down the street. That was the extent of family solidarity that he knew.
But he canāt imagine being barely eighteen and having to take care of your little brother all by yourself because your mom was too busy trying to put food on the table and was too poor to hire a babysitter. Your mom tried so damn hard to keep you away from the single teenage mother life, but somehow ended up giving it to you by proxy in the end anyway. It was no wonder you wanted space now that Yuujiās a little older and your mom can afford a babysitter. No matter how much you might love your sibling, being their effective guardian out of pure necessity had to have taken a toll.
Gojo clears his throat before he speaks. āBuddy. If I married your sister, weād be brothers. I wouldnāt be your dad.āĀ
Yuujiās eyes light up at the word brother. āBrothers? Me and you?ā
āYeah. Bros.ā
The kid giggles, all bubbly with cheeks rounding fully and eyes sparkling. Gojo reaches out to ruffle at his hair before Yuuji gets down onto one stubby leg at a time from the chair then bolts towards the kitchen.
āJuice!!ā he yells somewhere around the corner out of sight.
Gojo sighs, staring at all the toys he pulled out for Yuuji to play with, all left in a scattered mess across the table. He gets up out of his chair and heads towards the fridge. āYeah, yeah. Iāll get you your juice, you little demon.ā
The conclusion he comes to, and it might read like an obvious one, is that kids donāt really know the reality of life, hence why adults hide so much from them.Ā
This is what he thinks of tonight when he wraps his worn out boxing tape around his hands and his wrist, tightening it with his teeth, and he can smell the sweat and grime from them. The back of the underground gym had an old dated locker room, and as Gojo stretches his neck side to side while sitting on the stiff metal bench, he eyes the peeling red paint of the locker in front of him, blurring vision making it look like spilt blood.Ā
His phone pings with a text. He shuffles inside his duffle bag to look for it while his other hand scratches at his bare chest.
1:07am yuujiās sis (no flirting): hhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii 1:07am yuujiās sis (no flirting): omgomgomg sor y iāmĀ
He blinks at the screen, confusion flashing across his face. He types one letter, but then he sees three dots and a speech text bubble in the bottom left, so he waits for you.
1:09am yuujiās sis (no flirting): i drunk :(
The corner of his mouth ticks up slightly.Ā
1:09am Gojo Satoru: Yeah I can tell
1:10am yuujiās sis (no flirting): at a apartyyyy
His eyebrows raise slightly, the thought of you tipsy on some frat party couch flashing through his mind, yet of all things you could be doing at that frat party, youāre texting him? Must be a really boring party.
1:11am yuujiās sis (no flirting): whyyy are you aawake?
1:12am Gojo Satoru: Couldnāt sleep 1:12am Gojo Satoru: Donāt you have a midterm in the morning?
1:14am yuujiās sis (no flirting): wtf hwo do you knwo that
1:15am Gojo Satoru: Your mom keeps your schedule posted on the fridge
1:15am yuujiās sister (no flirting): im so fucked;ā;(((
He snorts. Heās got a bit more life experience than you, five-ish years to be exact, more than enough time to master the no-hangover hangout, but just before he can offer you some advice, he sees another text from you.Ā
1:16am yuujiās sister (no flirting): can i tell u smethingĀ
His gaze flits up to the ceiling briefly, and he hears commotion outside the thick walls of the locker room. The previous fight was over, and fast. The guy mustāve been knocked out in under twenty seconds tops, which means that Gojo was next up against whatever superbeast just beat him up.Ā
1:17am Gojo Satoru: Sure
He stands up, placing his phone down on the bench before he flexes the muscles in his arms a couple times to get the blood flowing into them. And thereās the noise of another ping. Actually, four.
1:14am yuujiās sis (no flirting): sonetimes 1:14am yuujiās sis (no flirting): i thikn ofĀ 1:14am yuujiās sis (no flirting): when u kisse me 1:14am yuujiās sis (no flirting): *kissed me
His eyes widen slightly, irises dry to the ashy cigarette smoke from outside lingering in the air, and his heart rate picks up a bit. An adrenaline junkie with close to no fear in his veins due to the way his amygdalaās been fried to a crisp from years of boxing, yet heās got his breath hitched from the memory of your soft lips against his. It makes the blood rushing through the muscles of his arms rush somewhere down south instead.
Loud banging on the door of the locker room jolts him out of his trance, and heās stiff around the edges once more.
āSatoru! Youāre up, man,ā he hears Danny, the fight coordinator, yell at him from the other side of the heavy & poorly-installed steel door.
Gojo sighs, glancing down at the texts on his phone. To respond, or not to respond. Youāre off your face, clearly chatty from the alcohol, and he knows for certain youāll regret every life decision youāve ever made once you wake up in the morning and see the self sabotaging behaviors youāve engaged in tonight. He knows that responding to you might put you at ease rather than straight up ignoring you, but the feeling will pass, and he has a match to win with no more room left to stall.
He makes his way out the locker room, pushing past the crowded halls of people underneath dim flashing club lighting, some dudes angrily jerking to face him when he pushes past them with a stiff shoulder, only for their eyes to widen when they see just exactly who pushed them.Ā
Thereās strippers in the ring, doing some routine for pre-match, and Gojo narrows his eyes at the man he sees laying back over the rubber boundary rope, head tipped back up to the ceiling with a wicked grin on his face. So that was his opponent? Heās never seen the guy before. Was he from a different district? Different district talent was tough, you had no background info on them, while theyāve been preparing to be here for weeks. Hence why boxers tend to do better when they visit a different district than they do in their own. There have been rules made to limit these types of fights, mostly over outrage that it was unfair to bid on them, but they were also usually more entertaining to watch. Gojoās got a sick feeling to his stomach as the strippers clear the ring.
āHey,ā Gojo calls out, grabbing Danny by the back of his collar and dragging him towards him and away from the girls stepping down onto the floor, āwhatās in for this fight?ā
Danny glances up at the ceiling. āTarpās bettinā tonight, so it canāt be anything less than ten grand for you. Iād say tops fifteen?ā
Gojo narrows his eyes further, then glances off into the ring again. The man stands up, and Gojo gets a better look on his face. Heās got short hair, neon green in color with a dark fade underneath and tattoos all over his face. But those eyes. They were freakishingly red, and it made him uneasy. He knows the type. The type of boxers that do this to genuinely hurt people for thrill. Make no mistake, Gojo understands heās made himself out to be like that too, gaining some kind of rush out of this profession, but this type of fighter was different. The type to literally continue smashing a dudeās face into the floor until theyāre a bloody mess even minutes after the winning call, and no referee to stop it because thatās the kind of action the spectators wanted.
Danny reads his line of sight. āThatās Gale. Newtonās new boxing toy. Came outta nowhere about a month ago. Heās undefeated so far in his district, and Newton specifically wanted to see you up against him tonight,ā Danny tells Gojo, resting his elbow up on his bare shoulder. āChances are heāll compete with Tarp for final bid if you win this one. Iām talking twenty-five grand in the next if you can knock him out in this.ā
āUh-huh,ā Gojo acknowledges, rolling his shoulder so Dannyās elbow falls from it. Forget the money, he just wants to make it out of this alive.
He sets his foot up on the square, ducking through the dividing boundary straps and the tacky caution construction tape that the gym thinks creates an exciting ambience. He hears the static of the speakers as the announcers call out Gojoās name, then this other guy, loud bass club music booming through Gojoās chest as he tries to take a few deep breaths through the thick air of this low-ceiling arena.Ā
The dim overhead lights flickered, casting shadows over the makeshift ring, and the crowd pressed tight around at every perimeter area, yelling and pushing, one even tosses a beer bottle on the square and it shatters, spreading glass all across, a few shards reaching Gojoās feet and he looks down at them with a shudder. A fight immediately breaks out in the crowd over something related or possibly entirely unrelated, and heād have no way of knowing as he swipes the shards away with his heel.
The influential men always sat up on higher seating, off towards the back in their own VIP section where they suck in the smoke of fat cigarettes and peer through 100% tinted sunglasses to assess the boxers theyāve bid thousands on. The light reflects off the golden grills of their teeth with every snarl at any passerby that gets too close, like a lion in its den. Thatās what the sanction was called. Lionās den.
Gojo sighed, eyeing the twisted grin of this Gale guy across from him. Was that his real name? Usually, foreign district guys get nicknames. Gojoās always thought the nicknames were tacky, and heās accumulated some of his own over the years, but to his ears, none of them ever really landed, although The White Fox admittedly was kinda nice. Reminded him of throwback shooting games.Ā
He sucked a breath in through his teeth, holding his hands up in front of his chest in weak fists, storing energy in them in the form of pure anticipation alone, and then the bell rang.
His opponent lunged towards him immediately, fists flying in a barrage of reckless strikes, and Gojoās eyes momentarily widened in the briefest moments of hesitation he had been allowed before ducking and dodging every one of this guy's shots, then jumping a step back to create distance.
Fuck. He was fast. Not just boxer fast, athlete fast. There was a difference. And it wasnāt a good one to be up against.
Gojo picked up light on his feet. He couldnāt win this one fast, that much was certain. One single careless or reckless move, and heāll get tackled. He knows that by the malicious look he sees on that guyās face, grin wide like heās some cannibalistic beast.Ā
Stepping back towards the center, Gojo purposefully set himself up for Gale to swipe a vicious hook towards his head, before Gojo last minute ducked down, crouched to the floor, and swung his leg out to knock the guy off balance by his ankles, and he falls onto his back with a loud thud!
Thereās a moment of momentary silence from the crowd, right before Gojo put the man in a torso-lock, twisting him in a way a human body should absolutely not be twisted, hearing the grunts of pain and the crack of spine even through the shouts of the crowd.
He can hear it. Kill him! Knock his fucking teeth out! Snap his neck like a goose, man! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM! FIN-ISH HIM!
He feels like throwing up.Ā
Gojo looks up at the referee, who wasnāt really a referee, just there to run the clock when there was action and only barely stop it before near death. āThis is enough, right?ā he asks.
The referee nods. ā1-0, next round.ā
Gojo lets go of his opponent, leaving him there to heave for a moment before he gets up onto his feet again. Just needs one more, and heās a winner. Ten grand in his pocket, and he wonāt have to come back here for a couple weeks.
Gale gets up, swiping at the spit that had trickled out the corner of his mouth down to his chin, and he had an enraged look on his face. The second the bell rang for the second round, he exploded forward towards Gojo with even more fervor than before, gritted expression with a thirst for violence fueling the storm of punches he was throwing towards Gojo but he tried to remain calm, light on his feet, swiftly duck and avoid before he can find another opportunity to clear a sharp, clean jab right to the ribsā
sometimes, i think of when you kissed me
Gojo misses his strike, leaving his guard wide open, and Gale takes the opportunity to land a solid punch straight to his jaw, sending his mouth guard flying straight out of his mouth into the air, and knocking him backwards onto the ground with a thud and then he finds himself staring up at the rusting metal ceiling and a ringing in his ears that almost matches the roar of the crowd.
His head is in a haze, dizzy like where one second could feel like a millennia. He feels a soreness underneath his chin, a pain that radiates to his mouth, and he briefly swipes his tongue over his front teeth to make sure he still has all of them.Ā
What the fuck was that? That intrusive thought. Thereās no intrusive thoughts allowed in life or death situations, not when he was always just one smash to the head away from a permanent concussion. But, fuck, he canāt help it. Canāt help thinking of you. Even when his vision has gone blurry and he should really be weary about what happens next in this ring, his mindās just thinking about you, at some frat party, tipping back shots of tequila and waiting for a text-back in response to your tipsy ones. Were you even waiting up on him? Have you already passed out on the couch, or were your friends dragging you back to your dorm? Or are you fucking some other dude right now? Has he got his hand up your top, squeezing at you, sleazily feeling you up before spilling beer all down your shirt, and are you kissing him back with the same enthusiasm, your phone now somewhere long slipped between the cushions of the couch and out of sight?
Even though itās still sore, he tenses his jaw. Grinds his teeth, even. Tasting blood somewhere along the line of his gums, he realizes his lip is split. He licks at it, the flavor of copper more rich on his tongue, and he clenches his fists tightly. Whyās he thinking of that right now? It just pisses him off, the thought of you with some other dude. Maybe thatās what he needs to win this fight. Spite. Although heās not sure why the guy across from him at the ring has to pay for it.
He lifts his head up off the ground, and while it felt like years he had been down, a glance at the timer tells him itās only been a solid four seconds. A solid four seconds that his opponent had to fully charge a lunge towards him with the look of death in his face, raising his elbow up into the air in time with his leap, ready to come straight down, and Gojoās eyes widen at the sight above him from where heās still lying on the wood.
āShitāā he cusses, rolling his body over to the side so that the dude falls straight down onto the floor rather than elbow Gojo in the fucking ribs, and then he gets back up on his feet.Ā
Stakes were high, he has to end this, he has to end this now, and he flexes the muscle in his right bicep, channeling everything he has into this one blow, and before Gale even really has a chance to turn around and face him again, Gojoās already three-fourths set up a knockout undercut that he drives straight up the guyās chin, with so much force it has him lifting up off the floor, a vertebrate stretch to his spine before heās sent flying backwards and slammed against the tight rubber lining of the ring to where he was half hanging over it.
The room fell silent for a split second, then erupted in a roar as the referee fell to one knee beside Gale, checking him for any semblance of consciousness, and when he found none, he waves the match off.Ā
Gojoās eyes flit up towards the lionās den, the only opinions that he really needed to care about were sitting in those mahogany chairs with glasses of scotch swirling around in their hands, and he sees some of them looking straight at Gojo before leaning towards one another and discretely talking about something he canāt make out because he doesnāt know how to read lips.
He feels someone tug at his arms from behind, pulling him to crouch down and he balances back on the balls of his feet. He glances down through the ring at the floor. Danny was leaning against the wooden surface of it. āDude. Go.ā He jerks his head towards Gale, who still laid there sprawled across the now stretched out rubber perimeter bands. āGo fuck him up. Knock a few more teeth out, I donāt know, get some more blood out of him.ā
āWhat?ā Gojo huffs, yanking his arm away from Dannyās grip. āThe fuck are you saying?ā
āI told you, man, Newtonās here and heās got his eye on you. Go give him a show,ā Danny says, ādo it.ā And when he sees clear frustration on Gojoās face he sighs. āTwenty-five grand, consider that, will you?ā
Gojo sneers at the man, an awful taste in his mouth as he spits blood towards Dannyās feet. āGo fuck yourself on his cock if he wants a show that bad.ā And then he ducks underneath the bands and hops back down onto the floor, pushing past people who were trying to grab at him and pull at him and lift him up and even throw him down until he made it through flashing hallways and back to the locker room.
He shuts the door behind him, sliding the bolt lock into the frame so no one can follow him inside, and then he leans his weight back against the chilling steel before tipping his head back until it hits the surface too.
He lets out of a few deep breaths, then stares down at the sting he finds over his knuckles. Red and blistering from the last punch he delivered, and heās almost certain he broke a bone in his hand. Fuck. It was bleeding across the cuts, too. He had to figure out a way to get it all healed by tomorrow, as if that was humanly possible, just because he doesnāt want Yuuji questioning him about it.
Yuuji. For fucks sake, when has he ever thought about the kid this much? When has he ever thought about much of anything when heās out here or in the ring? Heās a babysitter by day. Heās a āpartā of your family when the sun is up and normal functioning society is breathing their lives into the clean air. Thatās it. Heās no five-year-oldās caretaker in front of all these primetime drug lords, and he certainly shouldnāt be thinking of you when facing big, burly men heās aiming to rough up, all within the dead hours of night. So then how come these thoughts are on his mind at all times, twenty-four-seven, around the clock?
He heads further into the locker room, glancing down at the bench where heād left his phone, then picks it up, neck craned all the way down to glance at the screen as he holds his phone by his hip because he doesnāt have any energy to pick it up any further towards his eyesight.Ā
He sees your messages. You never sent any follow-up ones, just your horrendously typed out sonetimes, i thikn of when u kisse me *kissed me across the span of four texts, and Gojo runs a tired hand down his face.
He tips his head back to groan at the ceiling, guttural with no basis other than a release of all the pent up frustration of every sort, then he types in a couple messages to you,
3:23am Gojo Satoru: Thatās nice 3:24am Gojo Satoru: I think about fucking you all the timeĀ
āand then tosses his phone into his duffel bag to call it a night.
ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«
Youāre awoken to your alarm blaring heavily, and you whack your arm across your nightstand table beside your tiny twin-size bed to hit the snooze button, then rub your eye with a loose fist while smacking at the residual taste of alcohol you have on your tongue.Ā
āMmā¦ā you mumble to yourself. And then the thirst hits you. The overwhelming, intense, unquenchable thirst that leaves your mouth feeling like the Sahara desert before you grab your twice-dented Hydroflask from the nightstand, twist the cap off and chug about twenty ounces of water in one breath.Ā
You let out a deep exhale and fall back into bed, your hand resting on top of your water-filled tummy, and you stare up at the ceiling of your dorm.Ā
Last night was horrible. You knew you shouldnāt have gone to that frat party, especially given you have an exam ināyou checked the time on your phoneāabout an hour, and an hour was not enough time to recover from the raging hangover headache thatās pounding through your head. But your roommates insisted you went, and so go you did. You never knew what to expect, always torn between shaving your pussy before you go or throwing on a stained pair of sweatpants to keep the guys away instead. Sometimes, it was a combination of both. But last night, you ended up drinking more than you usually do, and that always led to poor, poor, poor decisions, in which all the sense of pride you had in yourself was washed down with the puke that you hurled into the upstairs toilet.Ā
You grab at your phone again, briefly seeing that your friends had sent you some photos from the night. You immediately swiped off to the side to dismiss the notifications, because as far as you were concerned, you never wanted to see those photos in your life.
And then, in the briefest of moments, you saw a familiar name in your notifications that made you heart skip a beat.
Gojo Satoru (yuujiās babysitter)
With an immediate gasp, you pulled your phone to your chest and held it there, blinking up at the pale yellow ceiling, your heart picking up in rhythm.
Oh fuck.
That was right.
You drunk texted him last night.
You drunk texted your little brotherās hot babysitter.
Fuck.
Mortified was an understatement, possibly because you donāt even remember what you said, and so you donāt even want to see what he replied with.
You groan, rubbing both your hands across your face then kick your sheets back with your feet like a child having a temper tantrum because you were so embarrassed you had even texted him at all last night. I mean, he was hot. A little older than you, really gorgeous eyes, tall, and, yeah, you gave him shit for the Instagram muscles thing, but thatās only because you thought heād find it cheeky that you were trying to humble him despite the fact that heās more toned and ruggedly sculpted than any other man youāve ever met. You didnāt want to have a flustered schoolgirl attitude because it would just seep through to his ego.
In any case, he was hot, there was no denying it, so can you really blame yourself? But still. There was collateral with this. You had to see him every other weekend. He knows your family, even your extended since they invited him to Thanksgiving dinner a couple weeks ago. A high-risque drunk text recipient if he ever was one (of course he has been, look at that face). Why couldnāt you have just drunk texted ECON160 guy from last semester who Clit DJād you underneath your desk at the back of the lecture hall instead?
The thing that made you nervous about Gojo Satoru was that he was just soā¦confident? Like, in that I was raised to be this way confident and not that I fought inner demons my whole life to barely end up this way confident, yāknow? Never had to fake it ātil he made it, he just was. At least that was the kind of energy you got from him, and unfortunately for you, it was nerve wracking but enticing all at the same time.
You sigh. āStupid. Stupid. Stuuuuuupiiiiidddddddddddd. You. Are. So. Stuuuuuupiiiiddddddd,ā you sigh, running your hands through your hair to grip at the strands.
You pull your phone away from your chest, and finally brave yourself to read the texts from your notifications screen, but not without blurring your vision a little to further stall. And then you finally refocus it to read them. The first one you see has you gaspingā
3:24am Gojo Satoru (yuujiās babysitter): I think about fucking you all the timeĀ
It has heat spreading across your cheeks, and you blink at your screen, then quickly swipe up to read the previous messages with rushed glides of your index finger on the screen to see that he had sent it to you in response to your barely coherent texts about how you still so often think about that time he randomly pressed you up against the door of your bedroom to kiss you that night you first met him.
I think about fucking you all the time
At 3 in the morning? He decided to send that text at 3 in the fucking morning? That was the devilās hour. Whatās he trying to tell you?Ā
Oh come on, youāre not stupid. And you know he isnāt either. The sexual tension was palpable, it was there since the day you two met and you almost stabbed him, and also everytime you were visiting the house, and his shoulder brushes against yours when heās trying to get past you in the kitchen, or when youāve got Yuuji in your arms and the kid is clinging to Gojoās sleeve because he wants him near him at all times. Thereās even sexual tension over the phone, in those stupid texts he sends you all the time about meaningless child care stuff, and honestly, those little updates made your day.
Butā¦ you donāt know much about him, and your mom would kill you if she ever found out you wanted him. And sheād probably pulverize him if she found out he ever made a move on you. Cremated without leaving a trace behind would be an understatement. She thinks heās no good and she thinks youāre too good. You know sheās warned him before to not get close to you, as if she was pre-emptively expecting him to try to get in your pants like it was some canon force of the universe, hence why heās probably so fucking awkward around you whenever sheās there too. Like if he accidentally got caught staring at your ankles, your mom would light him on fire, so heād rather not risk it by just avoiding looking at you at all.
Your mom has always been protective of you. Your father was a deadbeat, one she thought she loved, only to watch him leave. And she had to raise a baby all by herself. He re-entered your lives right before you graduated high school, knocked up your mom again with Yuuji, and guess what? Left again without a trace. To be doubly humiliated by a man is a fate you wouldnāt wish on any woman, but thatās exactly what your mom went through. It was a wake-up call for her, though. No more living paycheck to paycheck like you had been your whole lives up until Yuuji was born. The kid doesnāt even know how lucky he is with everything he has right now. Your mom worked her way up the corporate ladder and made something of herself and now you guys were comfortable, so it was safe to say she had some sort of right to look after her daughter, of whom she simply doesnāt want to follow in the same naive footsteps of her youth.
You get it. She wants to break the generational cycle. But it made being with men tough on all fronts, let alone dating. You could never bring a guy home because heād never be enough, even if he cured cancer or could make you orgasm while doing a sixty-nine handstand. And while her overbearing paranoia over what you do or where you are or who youāre with has since dimmed slightly since you officially moved out to finish your last year of higher education at NYU, you can still feel her disappointment from a hundred miles away when youāre making out with some random frat guy on his beer-stained couch at eleven AM on a Tuesday.
But you got to college. Youāve already made it this far. Youāre on deanās list. You graduated high school as salutatorian. Youāre the most highly decorated cello player in the state. You won Miss County pageant when you were sixteen for your philanthropic efforts towards feline leukemia. You did online community college for three years so you could stick back after high school and help your mom raise Yuuji, which meant that you had to forfeit your scholarship to Cornell. Youāve spent your whole life being good, you just wanna be bad for a little bit.
And if bad meant fucking the hot and mysterious babysitter, then so be it.Ā
You pick your phone up, begin blasting what the hell by Avril Lavigne on your dorm room bluetooth speaker, then type a message to him that saysā
10:34am you: do it then
āthen shove your phone under the sheets and belt out the lyrics aaaall my life iāve been good, but now, ahhhh iām thinkinā what the hell!!! while kicking your feet and clutching your pillow.
ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«ā«
Gojo has no clue what divine entity has overcast their gratuitous spirit over him on this blessed Monday afternoon, but heāll thank them for it later once his balls are empty.Ā
Heās got you on your back, sprawled across the couch in the living room, the first fuck being a rushed one that you offered him with before he has to go pick Yuuji up from circle time at preschool, which wasnāt ideal, but heās delirious at the sight of you underneath him right now. Your little NYU shirt, a tighter one this time, bunched up over your bare breasts, otherwise entirely naked other than the flimsy panties dangling at your ankle, and the view of the tip of his cock looking hot and heavy against the velvet of your cunt, slowly pushing in, feeling the warmth of your walls squeeze around him paired with the sweet moan that leaves your lips, makes him fall forward with a bracing hand dug into the cushion by the side of your head because the sensation feels so fucking good he can hardly keep himself upright.
āFuck, youāre so tight,ā he grunts, pushing himself in further to try and bottom out but heās still got a couple inches he needs you to take, and so you curl your hips upwards towards the cieling to make more room for him, practically putting yourself into a mating press and soon enough heās balls deep, āyou on any birth control?ā
āUh-huh,ā you moan, eyes closed and head tipped back with one hand squeezing your own tit.
āI can cum inside then, yeah?ā he asks you, pushing your knees to your chest, slowly drawing his hips back and you squirm underneath him.
āLetās get there first, and then weāll discuss,ā you breathe out.
āIāve been there for the past ten minutes, baby. I could cum at any second with the way you look and feel,ā he informs you flatly, because it was just the truth and you had to know it, then he feels himself twitch inside, slowly working up to a languid rhythm, almost fearfully like your momās going to pop out somewhere around the corner with a camera crew ready like one of those retro TV shows just to humiliate him on national television for not keeping it in his pants like sheād told him to.Ā
āHarder,ā he hears you whisper, and he rolls his eyes shut to just focus on the feeling. The feeling of your nails grazing down the skin of his chest and his abs, tracing the scars heās collected over the years, and he feels you tightening around him. He leans down to kiss you, fucking you properly now with the squeak of the couch springs echoing across the room, your hums of moans seeping through his lips until heās fully taking them on with an open-mouthed kiss of sloppy tongue.Ā
The fact that it was wrong felt right to him, and he realizes in this moment heās lost all sense of control. He wasnāt just an adrenaline junkie that liked to rough up dudes, he was an adrenaline junkie that wanted to fuck you against all better judgement or moral compass. The way your tits were bouncing, the slap of skin on skin, his balls slapping against your ass while you wrap your legs around him tighter, all convincing him that any consequence made it worth it.
āGood,ā he groans the praise, pinning your hands above your head as he rams his hips against yours, your cute moans and squeals sounding like literal music to his ears and he feels heat spread all the way up his neck, āgoooood, keep squeezinā me like that, fuck.ā He slows down momentarily, just to take a moment and watch, really look and see the way his length disappears inside of your pretty self with every push forward, and then he works back up to a relentless pace that has you tipping your head back with a slack jaw and eyes closed tightly shut, sprained expression of pleasure spread across.
āOh, oh my god, Satoruāā you mewled and he felt dizzy from the sound of his name from your softly parted lips.
āFuck, Iām gonnaāā His hand finds itās way between your legs, calloused pads of his fingers brushing against your clit and you jolt underneath him, gasping as your hand shoots out to dig your nails into his bicep for purchase. āIām gonna cum, better tell me where you want it.ā
āIn me,ā you moan, ānowhere else.ā
He presses his mouth against your cheek in a lazy smile, āAtta girl,ā he drawls before pushing your ankles down as far as theyād go near your ears, folding you in half and then reigns all hell into your cunt. He should really care a bit more about your pleasure, but testing your flexibility like this with both his hands holding you down was doing sinful things to his brain, and besides, you had yourself covered with the messy circles you were rubbing over your clit. It was hot to see that too, your nimble pretty fingers so close to the place where he was pounding into you.Ā
āOh shit, shit, shitāā he grunts when starts to see blistering white in his vision, balls straining with a pleasure that was almost painful. The moment he finishes feels like hot flashes in his brain, a heat like the cum he begins to paint inside your walls in time with your release, thrusting over and over and over, each one more staggered as he lets off a long, drawn out groan that comes from deep within his chest with the feeling of you milking him dry and the sound of you enjoying every second of it. He canāt remember the last time he came this much or this hard and even after coming down from the high, he feels the remnant pulse of your orgasm around his now half-flaccid dick.
He leisurely pulls out, hearing you let out a soft whimper as he marvels at the sight of his cum slowly dripping out of you and down towards the couch, before he scoops it up with a couple fingers and pushes it back inside. You grip his wrist tightly, but you werenāt stopping it, that motion of him plunging it all back into you.
āWant a taste?ā he asks, casually.
āMhm,ā you nod, face looking flush.
He pulls his fingers out of you, coated with sex, then plugs your pussy with the fingers of his other hand because he kinda likes the idea of you walking around all day with him inside of you, so he doesnāt want it getting out. Heās then pushing his other fingers past your lips, pleased to find heās met with not even so much as a grazing of teeth, and he grins, ābet you take a dick in your mouth as good as you take it down here.ā
Your furrow your brows at him, the pout of your lips seen in the way they were puckered to lick his fingers off clean, and when you release the suction with a smack of your tongue and his fingers were wet from your saliva now, his eyes narrow with desire. You push his face away with the heel of your palm to his forehead. āFlattery wonāt make me suck your dick.ā
āAlright. So? How is it?ā he jerks his chin towards your face, pushing against your hand with his forehead until heās hovering over you again, ātaste good?ā
āItās cum, Satoru.ā
He shrugs. āBad?ā
āNo,ā you say, and you canāt make eye contact, āgood.ā You sigh. āHot. I donāt know. Salty, sweet. Iām the sweet. Youāre the salty. And this conversation is obscene.ā
He kisses you, capturing your lips softly, tongue darting out to taste whatās on yours. āI like it that way. Dirty. Nasty. Obscene, whatever.ā
Thereās the slam of a car door heard from the driveway, and the two of you instantly make eye contact with round eyes.
āSaāā you stutter, āSatoru.ā
He gets up off the couch in a panic, and heads to the window of the living room fully butt-ass naked, then peers through the blinds to seeā
Your mom was making it up towards the front door, rustling with her keys in her purse. And the last thing he sees before he turns around to face you is her pushing the keys through the lock.
āShit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,ā he cusses, finding his boxers off of the floor, hopping on one foot with his cum & slick coated dick flapping around and slapping against his thighs unceremoniously as he tries to get one leg in through them and then the other. Youāre trembling as you hook your panties back into place, pull your shirt back down your torso, and even in his extremely panicked state, heās still sad he canāt freely stare at your tits anymore. Youāre rummaging for your skirt in a haste, looking everywhere for it, and he finds it underneath the coffee table before tossing it to you and then he side-to-side hops towards the coat closet while he pulls his sweatpants up over his ass, in time for you to quickly run and shut the door of the closet closed just before the front door of the house swings open.
The inside of the coat closet is dark, barely enough space in there for a six-foot-four two-hundred-and-twenty pound man, but itās better than being balls deep inside his bossās daughter on the couch when said boss just came home from work.
He hears conversation on the other side of the door, albeit muffled, and he presses his ear to it to hear better while he tucks his dick into his boxers from where it was hanging over the waistline.
āMom! Youā¦youāre home so early,ā he hears you squeak out.
āYes,ā your mom says, āThe rest of my meetings today are online, so I figured Iād come home when thereās less traffic.ā
Gojo feels you lean against the coat closet door.
āI see, I see, how was your day at work?ā you ask with a tremble in your voice.
āFine.ā And then nothing. The silence could mean that was all she had to say, since your mom wasnāt really a woman of many words, or it could be a silence that means sheās suspicious about something. āDarling, why is your skirt flipped up and tucked into your panties? Your whole butt is showing.ā
Through the wood of the door, he hears you softly gasp. āOh, um, I just went to pee. Mustāveāā¦mustāve got caught when I pulled it back up.āĀ
āI see,ā your mother says, and Gojo can hear her dropping her heels down near the shoe rack at the entrance. āYou know, I really donāt like those short skirts you wear often. Maybe itās just your generation, but I think it looks tacky and cheap.ā
āMom,ā you say, in as stern of a voice as you can manage without sounding embarrassed.
Your mother sighs. āIn any case, where is Satoru? I still would like him to go pick up Yuuji. I donāt have the patience to sit in preschool & daycare traffic right now.ā
āOh gosh, I donāt know,ā you chirp, and then he hears you let out a small oh no before you lean even more weight against the door, this time somewhere lower, and he realizes youāre pressing your ass against it. His eyes narrow with a small frown, and then he realizesā his cum must still be trickling down your thighs. You couldnāt put your panties on fast enough.Ā
Shit. Thatās hot. A little fucked up, but hot. He feels his dick harden against the fabric of his boxers, and he rests his forehead against the door, fringe stuck to his forehead with sweat as he slips his hands down his sweatpants and then gives his cock a firm squeeze. The thought of you discretely swiping his cum up your inner thigh and smearing it against your thin panties so your mom doesnāt catch sight of it dripping down your legs has him slowly working up to a rock-solid erection, and he almost lets out a broken grunt from the feeling.
āWhat?ā your mother says, āwhat do you mean you donāt know?ā
āIāve just been watching TV this whole time,ā you say, ālast time I saw himā¦he wasā¦um, in the backyard pulling weeds?ā
He lets out a small scoff through his nose at your cover-up. Cute. And not bad.Ā
Your mother sighs loudly, and he glances down at the strained veins on his dick as he tugs it through his hand, the tip rearing and appearing flushed and dripping with precum. God, you were just on the other side of this door. Less than a few inches away, and heād be inside of you.Ā
āIām going to take a shower. Go find him and tell him to pick up Yuuji soon. But before then, change into something less revealing,ā your mother says in a more or less detached tone, and he can hear the stomps of her footsteps up the stairs from above him in the coat closet.
The two of you wait at least a solid minute, and just when the coast is clear, he hears you turn the knob of the coat closet and slowly crack it open.
āOkay, I think sheās in the shower, I hear the water running,ā you whisper at him, āyou can go nowāā You glance down towards his groin, your jaw dropping. āWhatāā¦Satoru, why the fuck is your dick staring at me right now?!ā you whisper-hiss at him.
He pulls you into the coat closet, pushing your front against the door to where it clicks shut, and you gasp when his hands pin your wrists crossed behind your back and his dick presses into the plush of your ass.
āYou talkinā to your mom while your pussyās stuffed full of my cum was the single hottest thing thatās ever grazed my lizard brain,ā he tells you, flipping your skirt up and hooking your panties to the side, his index finger briefly brushing against your entrance to find it still leaking from the way your walls were pulsating from his words. And then he aligns his tip to your entrance. āNow keep quiet while I do this, ākay?ā
āOhāā you gasp, your cheek pressed against the door as you arch your back and push your ass out for him, āokayāā you say, barely vocalizing the first syllable before heās already stuffing himself inside of you with one solid glide of a push, making you yelp loudly and he has to instantly cup a hand over your mouth.
āShhhhhh,ā he hisses at you, immediately starting to pound you from behind, ātold you toā fuuuck,ā he catches sight of his length covered with a mix of your glassy arousal and his white cum, now starting to cream at the base of his cock, ājesus christāā he breathes out, squeezing the flesh of your ass harshly with his other hand and you let out another yelp, āI told you to fuckinā keep quiet.ā
āIāmāmff,ā you muffle against his palm, āIām trying but,ā your hips move back in time with his, āfeels good, feels too good,ā you mewl, and his hand desperately yanks up the fabric of your shirt so he can squeeze at your breast.
āYeah?ā he grunts, hypocritical for telling you to keep it down when he was slamming his hips against your ass with so much fervor he wouldnāt be surprised if the sound was reverberating across the entire house, āyou like it when I fuck you while your momās all clueless just up the stairs?ā His rhythm falters, feeling his release building, and his hand reaches in front of you to rub your clit, making you drop your head against the door with tightly closed eyes. āGetsā youāwet, doesnāt it?ā he torments you, his lips near your ear as he slams his hips against you harshly with every enunciated syllable.Ā
āMhm, mhm,ā you easily agree, or maybe thatās because itās all you can really articulate, and he angles his hips up so his balls slap more fervently against your clit, making you scream into his palm while he picks up the pace of the circles he draws on your clit and in one, two, threeā beats of his pounding heart, he feels you come undone around his cock, gushing wetness leaking out of you, he can feel the mess of fluids splattering on the skin of his thighs due to each of his heaving thrusts as he cusses out a fuuuuuuckkk before spilling his cum inside of you, a short-lived and thicker release this time that has you mewling from overstimulation, and in a few following thrusts, heās given you everything he had to give.
His eyes open, he wasnāt even aware he had shut them in the first place, and he glances down at where the two of you were joined. Rings of arousal coat the length of his half-pulled-out dick, and the second he retreats all of it, a bulging push of his cum seeps out of you, dripping and pooling all over the hardwood floors.
āHoly shit, I wish I could take a picture of this,ā he says, taking a step away to commit the sight to memory, your legs trembling and still slightly spread, ass pushed out and when you wiggle it a little, he lets out a huff of an exhale because he just canāt believe how sexy you are. Are all college girls like this? Heās never been to college, his old manās been trying to get him to go for years, but maybe this is what finally convinces him.
āNo pics,ā you breathe out once you catch your breath, standing up straight slowly, āthatās my one sex rule.ā
He takes a step closer to you, flipping your skirt back over your ass while you shimmy your shirt down to cover your chest. āThatās the only rule you have? Anything else goes?ā he asks.
You spin around to face him, his eyes briefly flitting down to the still exposed skin of your midriff. āI have a feeling Iād be making up more specific rules if it was with you.ā
He smiles, his hands grabbing your hips before pressing you up against the door again. āI also had a rule. It was to not fuck you. Wait, no, to not flirt with you. Which, technically, I didnāt do.ā
You blink your eyes at him. āYouāre kidding, right?ā
āWhat?ā he asks, genuinely confused, āI didnāt.ā
āHuhāā you scoff, āhow do you think we got into this situation in the first place?? You didnāt just say wanna fuck? You were insufferably flirty with me.ā
āNahhh nah nah nah nah, baby, thatās not flirting,ā he tells you, thumb running circles over your hips, āthatās, likeāā¦I donāt even fuckinā know how it worked on you to be honest, I was just being stupid.ā
āOh okay so Iām stupid.ā
āI never said you were stupid?ā
āWell you said you were being stupid so me falling for it must mean Iām stupid.ā
āPshhh. Youāre cute. Pulling weeds, by the way? Adorable.ā
Your hand slowly roams up the front of his shirt, the fabric bunching at your wrists until you uncovered up to his collar bone, and you stare at his skin. He tries to not let the way his heartās beating faster show through the heave of his chest.Ā
āWhy do you have all these scars, anyway?ā you whisper to him.Ā Ā Ā
āToo many girls tryna stab me,ā he tells you.
You roll your eyes. āSeriously.ā Your thumb traces the one you had left on him.Ā
āIāā He stops himself.
Does he tell you? Should he tell you? What, just because heās seen you naked and you took his dick like a queen heās supposed to open up to you about these things now? He doesnāt know. Maybe he could? Maybe you already suspect what he does at night. And if not, at the very least, Iām an underground boxer might make you think heās hot? At the very worst, youāll report him to the cops and heād get fired as your little brotherās babysitter then thrown into jail, but not before the busted cartel gets him first.
āMaybe Iāll tell you some other time,ā he says, his hand wrapping around your wrist and pulling it from his chest, āno hyper personal details until youāve had my dick in your mouth at least once or twice. Thatās my one rule.ā
You snort. āI couldāve guessed that rule from a mile away.ā
He hums. And then thereās the sound of steps creaking down the stairs above the two of you.
You both make eye contact, eyes widening, internally yelling at each other: how the fuck did we get into this situation twice?!
This time, Gojo opens the door and stumbles out of the closet, leaving you inside of it, just in time for your mom to come down the stairs.
āSatoru. I was looking for you,ā she says as she rounds the post. āHave you picked up Yuuji? He has to go for his swimming lessons soon.ā
āAh, nope, was just about to head out,ā he says, letting out a cough to diffuse tension, āsorry, I wasāā he points his thumb over his shoulder to behind him, āā¦pulling out some gnarly weeds.ā
She narrows her eyes at him. āI see. Well, thanks. If you want, I can add a gardening stipend to your paycheck. Let me know.ā And heās not sure how to respond because heās not sure if sheās joking.Ā
He heads out the door, the keys to your momās minivan in his palm as he throws them up into the air and catches them a couple times. And just before he gets inside the car, he turns on his heel to face the house and pulls his phone out of his pocket to type in a message for you.
3:22pm Gojo Satoru: Send over those me-specific sex rules soon
.
.
.
[the end]
a/n. hope u enjoyed im shitting bricks posting this bc i haven't posted a oneshot smut since february but thanks so much for reading i appreciate u!! i got way too invested in the whole underground boxer thing šš but the fact i managed to keep everything under 12k is an accomplishment to me bc if u read my other fics you know iām a yapper LOL i have another kind of a similarly written smut oneshot n itās a lil angsty (totally different au tho) iāll probs post that one next but yea i really like, hmm, i really like exploring entire characters within a short amount of time i enjoy writing the obscure lore drops xd itās been kinda fun so far anywho much loveee hope to see u around! <3
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this fic (like strings of hearts beating entwined, this life is alight because it's with you by @/yourendlessblue on ao3) was one of the first ones I read and. Ugh. I think it's like the only one that I regularly think back on. it's a sickfic but it's so much more, I think it explores the guilt and fear associated with a loved one being sick very well (also dw it has a happy ending LMAO), and i've read it like 5 times I think. Every so often I go back and read it and every time I find more and more to appreciate. I drew one of my favorite scenes between Loid and Anya though basically the whole thing is gold, I'd draw it all if I could. I highly highly recommend this to anyone who hasn't read it yet, I feel like it's a staple read (also if anyone knows if the author has a tumblr pls lmk so I can properly tag them lol)
me when I can't decide between drawing angst or silly
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you know the killer doesn't understand
in which spencer is so terrified he's going to hurt you after he gets out of prison that he can barely touch you. an argument ensues.
angst (+ comfort) warnings/tags: established relationship, fem!reader, mentions of violent intrusive thoughts (non-specific), arguing, yelling, use of the word rape, nightmares, happyish ending, mention of showering together, it's a bad time but it's also a good time for us woo i love angsty angst a/n: i miss posting for real so bad i dug up this draft which was mostly finished and polished it up. i think i really like this one and it was based on a request but i lost it:( i hope u guys enjoy this, pls lmk<3
Spencer is by no means happy with his sudden fear of touching youāit makes everything in his life significantly harder and less convenient and he hates that heās constantly afraid heās going to break you. He hates watching you hold back from attacking him with a hug when he enters a room like you used to, and he feels terrible every time you ball up on the opposite side of the couch as he reads, waiting for an invitation into his lap but too scared to ask for one (heāll always hold out his arm for you, thoughāheās notĀ cruel.)
Youāre adorable in the way you stand at the foot of the bed in your pajamas, arms behind your back like itās not your bed too, but it makes him feel terrible. This isnāt at all what he wanted for you, and in all honestly heās thought about ending the relationship because he knows heās being an absolutely awful partnerābut he just canāt bring himself to. Instead, he gestures for you to get into bed, and you curl up under the covers close to him but not against him, and heāll play with your hair and read for a while because he canāt sleep very well. Eventually heāll assume the position of sleep, but some sick part of him doesnāt know what to do with the sounds of the city and the fan instead of the sounds of a hundred men rolling and sniffing and shuffling around their echoey cells. He doesnāt understand warmth anymore, or softness, or nice pajamas or fluffy pillows. Heās starting to think he doesnāt understand you. And thatās the worst thought of all.Ā
So he essentially dozes for the first week, on and off, always exhausted in the mornings butĀ whatās new.Ā When he canāt sleep, he turns his head to watch you breatheāsome beautiful, sweet creature dreaming in his bed, unwaveringly loyal to him even though he can hardly stand to touch you for fuckās sake. Youāre beautiful, and it makes him feel better to watch you, even if he canāt touch you. Not now that he knows what he is capable of doing to another person. What if he has some sort of PTSDāPTSS, thank you, Luke Alvezāinduced dream and does something terrible to you in his sleep? Itās not like youāre tiny, but heās stronger, heĀ knowsĀ he is, and lately every time you get too close he remembers exactly what it feels like to exert the full force of that strength, and what it feels like when someone else unleashes their own onto him.Ā
Theyāre just intrusive thoughts, and in them he doesnāt hurt you intentionally, but he always feels a little bit sick now. He is so, so sick. A bull in a China shop. Spencer knows exactly how breakable humans areāitās his job to know. If he left so much as one red mark on you by accident, heās quite sure heād drill down to a previously unknown rock bottom. And if he reaches that point, he doesnāt know if heād ever deserve to come back.Ā
Every day it seems to become clearer that the only humane thing to do is break up with you. But for now heāll watch you sleepāthe delicate rising and falling of your chest, the way you curl in on yourself because you canāt curl into him. In sleep you look so peaceful and content. You never look that way awake, anymore. Not when heās around, which is pretty much always. At least he canāt disappoint you while youāre asleep.Ā
Or so heād like to think.Ā
Until one night, about a week and a half after he gets home; you whimper in your sleep. Itās so quiet he couldāve missed it, but he doesnāt, and then he watches your smooth brow furrow with worry and he knows youāre having a nightmare immediately.Ā
Spencer panicsābefore, he would have woken you up and held you and comforted you until you fell back asleep and it would have been so simple. Now heās frozen, afraid to touch you but not sure if he can just lie there watching you so afraid and not do a thing about it.Ā
In the end, you choose for himāand it only takes a few moments. Youāre close enough to him that itās easy for you to close the few inches even in sleep, and maybe youāre slightly conscious but not enough to remember youāre not supposed to touch him.Ā
He stops breathing as you fold yourself against him, muttering worried nonsenseāhe catches his name, onceānestling against his chest, one searching arm gently draping over his waist. Every muscle in his body is rigid, and his thoughtsāhis mind goesā¦ completely fucking blank.Ā
Suddenly, all heās known, all heāsĀ everĀ known, is the smell of your hair, the warmth of you seeping through layers of clothing, and the weight of your arm over him. Everything he ever was ceases to exist, and heās just this, right now. The person youād turned to unconsciously for comfort, so sure, so trusting that he would keep you safe. He can feel your breath for the first time in months. Slowly every tense muscle unspools. For the first time in a long time he doesnāt feel dangerous. He doesnāt feel like his entire body is spring loaded and ready to attack at the slightest provocation. Spencer allows himself to hold you, and part of it feels like betrayal because he knows howĀ badlyĀ you need this from him while youāreĀ awakeĀ but mostly he feels like he could cry. His thumb rubs circles into the middle of your back and your head tucks so perfectly under his chin while he studies the rumpled sheets where youād been lying a moment ago. He almost feels like sticking his tongue out to gloat at your half of the mattressāhaha, look who gets to hold her nowābut instead he sighs, shakily, and squeezes his eyes shut.Ā
You donāt make another sound for hours.Ā
Heās reluctant to let you go when you begin to stir around six AM, but forcibly holding onto you is so far from what he wants to do that he manages. You roll back over to your own side of the bed, and he continues admiring you from afar until he falls asleep. Itās the best three hours of sleep heās had in a very long time.Ā
Of course, you donāt remember it. When you wake up your sadness resumes, and so does the pretending like youāre not sad, but youāre a very good sportāand it helps that heās feeling much better this morning than he has since he got back.Ā
āGood morning,ā you whisper faintly, still blinking as you watch him longingly from your spot.Ā
Spencer pushes himself up onto an elbow, and you watch with big eyes as he leans over you, stroking your cheek with his free hand.Ā
āGood morning. You sleep okay?ā
Your brow flickers, and he realizes itās not a question he asks every morning, and youāre probably distracted by this overt display of affection, but you answer it obediently anyway.Ā
āI think so. I had weird dreams.ā
He hums.Ā
āAbout what?ā
Itās quiet for a moment as he takes in the exact spattering of microscopically fractured pigment over your irises. Your voice is small when you finally speak.Ā
āDo I have to tell you?ā
That hurts.Ā
āNo. But it might help.ā
Coming from him? Ironic doesnāt even begin to cover it.Ā
You acknowledge him with a small hum of your own, studying him with soft, mistrustful eyes.Ā
He canāt help it anymoreāSpencer leans down and gently kisses you, so tenderly, so chastely, it makes his own head spin. He hasnāt kissed you like that since you picked him up from Milburn. Itās long overdue.Ā
Which is why heās not expecting you to start crying. He pulls back immediately, not far, just enough to assess your expression.Ā
āWhatās this? Whatās wrong, angel?ā He frowns. Your lip quivers in a way that feels like a blow to the chest.Ā
āThatās notā¦ youāreā¦ā
āWhat? What is it?ā
A fat tear finally traces a path down your cheek and when you speak your voice breaks in the most fragile, devastating way.Ā
āYouāre not being fair.ā
He has no neat question to summarize all the bafflement your accusation inspires in his lately cloudy head, but the wildly confused look on his face must be prompt enough.
āIām trying really hard to respect your space and boundaries and not upset you but my feelings areĀ hurt, Spencer, I donāt know how they couldnāt be. I feel like you donāt even like me anymore. Iām embarrassed around you because I feel like I care about you so much more than you care about me. And then youāand then you wake up one morning and you think itās okay to act like you love me again but I canātāI cāā you stop, obviously frustratedānow crying in earnest and lacking the words. āYou canāt be mean to me. I know youāve been through a lot and Iām sorry but you canāt treat me like that. Iām a person, too.ā
His chest aches and he swallows down barbed wire.
āIām notĀ actingĀ like I love you. I do love you. More than Iāve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. Thatās not an act.ā
Itās not an adequate response, but your words are still spinning in his head until he canāt keep up with them. Heās not used to this, anymore. The language you two had developed is so foreign now.Ā
Maybe he just doesnāt know how to talk to you.Ā
Resignationāa too-calm recognition softens the stormy look that has brewed on your face. As soon as itās gone, and youāre looking at him placidly, he realizes heās afraid.Ā
āWell, thatās not enough,ā you whisper.Ā
Spencer feels like heās been shot as you push the covers aside and slip out of bed. And heĀ knowsĀ what that feels like.Ā
āWhere are you going?ā And then louder, when you donāt hear him because youāve already left the room, āWhere are you going?ā
He follows you through the apartment as you march purposefully for the door, slipping shoes on and grabbing your keys and coat.Ā
You barely look over your shoulder as you leave, slamming the front door behind you. Things shake from the impact. A mini earthquake.Ā
Spencer is too stunned to follow you.Ā
Itās not until a few minutes later when he goes to call you that he realizes your phone is still sitting on your bedside table. He stares at it, tasting metal, because he has absolutely no way to reach you or guarantee your safety. Thereās no way for you to call him, or anyone, if you get in troubleāand he fears that youāll retaliate against him by doing something stupid and dangerous.Ā
He only just manages to stop himself from calling the police and asking them to start looking for you. Only just recognizes it to be an overreaction.Ā
Besides, heās not feeling particularlyĀ fondĀ of the criminal justice institution these days. If it came down to it, heād trust himself and his team over the cops any day.
The team. Theyāre always a resource.Ā If worst comes to worst, he thinks, robotically making coffee as he tries to talk himself down,Ā and she doesnāt come home before dark, Iāll call all of her closest friends. If she doesnāt come home before the morningāthe thought makes him feel sickāIāll deploy every fucking resource at my disposal.Ā
Maybe thatās an overreaction, too, but he has to find a way to self-soothe somehow. Planning makes him feel better. Being prepared for the things you never see coming makes him feel better. Itās impossible, of courseābut the illusion of control is stubborn and so seductive.Ā
Thankfully, it doesnāt come to that.Ā
At around 2 PM, he receives a couple of texts from Garcia that are a massive relief.Ā
Penelope: Sheās at my apartment
Penelope: BE NICER TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!
The series of emojis that follow (including an octopus?), he doesnāt even try to decipher. He simply drops his phone and sighs deeply into his hands, releasing an extreme amount of paranoid tension that had been tying him into knots. Lately, heās had this sense that everything is fleetingāthat the things he takes for granted are painfully, violently impermanent. It doesnāt take anyone with a degree to figure out why heās been feeling that way, but itās so all-consuming heās not sure how to cope with it. Just a few days ago, heād been wondering how to break up with you. Now heās asking himself how theĀ fuckĀ he thought heād be able to do that when heās barely functioning after a few hours without you.
Itās a question he still hasnāt answered by the time the front door opens at 10 PM. Itās clear by the deer-in-headlights look on your face that you hadnāt been expecting him like thisāleaning over the counter, half-empty mug by his hand, staring at nothing in particular and waiting for you to come home. Neither of you have changed clothing since this morningānot that you couldābut you look apprehensive as you close it behind you, never facing away from him. The whole thing is like a teenager being caught sneaking back in by a weary parent.Ā
For a moment the silent confrontation stretches into the horizon, a non-specific point as neither of you seem inclined to be the first to talk. You just watch him watching youāleaning against the door rigidly as if you canāt get far enough away. But heās too tired for this. Too worn out.Ā
āHowād you get home?ā
You swallow.Ā
āPenelope.ā
Spencer nods slowly, rolling his bottom lip between teeth and finally looking away.Ā
āYou really should have brought your phone.ā
You scoff, peeling yourself from the door.Ā
āOf course thatās what youāre worried about.ā
Itās the same situation as this morning, but in reverseāhim following after you down the hall as you storm toward the bedroom.Ā
āWhāshould IĀ notĀ have been? You scared meāā he says your name, barely catching the door before it can slam in his face. āI was worried about you.ā
āWhy?ā you face him, laughing bewilderedly as if the situation were at all funny. A kind of manic energy crackles from the surface of your skin and in your eyes that renders him unable to think of a reply. āBecause you thought I would get raped and murdered and then youād be sad?ā
āYes!ā Spencer yells, eyes widening as he fails to contain his frustration any longer. āThat is fuckingĀ exactlyĀ why I was scared!ā
You step forward, getting in his space. It jars him, momentarilyāhe wants to get away from you. Being angry and so close to you is terrifying. What if he lashes out? What if he hurts you? Heās seen crimes of passion. His blood is freezing in his veins.Ā
āOf course you didnāt give one single fuck that I left you. You didnāt think for one fucking second that I might be tired of this. That wasnāt what you were scared of at all.ā For every inch you near, he backs away. Another scorned, bitter laugh from you that feels like poison coursing through his entire circulatory system. You notice everything, eyeing him up and down as he cowers from you. āWhat is this, Spencer? If you hate being near me that much, just fucking break up with me.ā
Youāre close enough that he can see the tears welling in your eyes, but heād know they were there even if he couldnāt observe them. He would hear it in your voice. He would feel it. But he canāt do anything about it. Right now, heās paralyzed.Ā
āIf the only thing holding you back is wanting to spare my feelings, just fucking do it. This isnāt better. I donāt give a fuck if itās hard for you. Itās hard for me, too, but Iām not just going to ignore it anymore.ā
Thereās no more room. The wall is at is back.Ā
āHoney, please back up,ā Spencer breathes. Last time his back was to a wall, heād been gagged and beaten.Ā Donāt lash out. She never hurt you. It wasnāt her.Ā
āDonāt tell me what to do!ā you shout, as tears begin to spill over your cheeks. āEither break up with me or stop telling me to go away!ā
At that moment, as you break down and your words become muddled with sobs, you raise your fist.Ā
Spencer watches it approach his shoulder as if in slow-motion.Ā
On instinct, he catches your wrist.
Thereās a lull as he waits for something to explode, for something to go terribly, deeply wrongā
But it doesnāt.Ā
He realizes his grip is gentle. He realizes youād never actually hurt him like that. He realizes how little resistance heād found when he stopped what was sure to be nothing more than a petulant, petty bump against his shoulderāa maneuver that wouldnāt have hurt in the slightest. It was nothing more than a desolate, childlike display of feelings bigger than you know what to do with.Ā
In the second that it takes him to realize all of this, to realize he is not endangering you in the slightest, nor you him, youāve begun to truly sob. Standing just inches from him, head angled down as he holds your wrist carefully, you are the picture of a girl who has been running on empty for a very long time and has nothing left to give. Spencer twines his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and slowly rubbing your back like heād never forgotten how to hold you. It stuns you, and the tears pause for just a secondābefore youāre wrapping desperate, weakened arms around him and sobbing even harder, albeit silently, into his shirt.Ā
āI donāt want to break up,ā he whispers, his own voice shaky with understated emotion. āIām sorry. Please donāt say that. I donāt want that.ā
āWhatāsĀ wrongĀ with you?ā You cry, a desperate plead caught between sobs that wrack your body against his against the wall. And he knows itās not an accusation. Itās not an insult. Itās a question borne of confusion and fear. Itās what a child might ask a sick dog while tears stream down feverish cheeks. And itās completely appropriate, considering he never tells you anything anymore and heās only just realizing how scary that must be. Spencer is back from prison but you may as well still be living alone for all that you know about him. He tangles a hand in your hair and holds you against his chest, breathing you like nitrous oxide.Ā
āI donāt know,ā he whispers. The room beyond blurs as he stares at nothing, focused only on the tingly euphoria of feeling you under his hands clashing with the ever-present and crushing shame that he couldn't do it sooner. āI donāt know. Iām sorry.ā
āI donāt want youāto beĀ sorry.ā Shuddering breaths and gasps still cleave your sentences in half, and Spencer listens so intently he thinks there might be harmonics hidden in the layers of your voice.Ā He clings to every syllable like youāre wielding the word of god in a five-foot-something body. āI just miss you so māmuch. I want you toāto love me.ā
āIĀ do,ā he promises immediately, lips pressing to your ear. āIĀ doĀ love you. So much.Ā SoĀ much.ā
When you donāt respond, heās not exactly surprised. He almost asks what he can do, what you needābut is quite sure thatās not the right move. Instead he doesnāt say a thing. Only holds you.
Later, youāll pull back and heāll swim in your teary gaze, and then kiss you. Heāll trace silent apologies into every inch of your skin under the torrent of the shower, and heāll do whatever it takes to make you understand. But for now, for the first time in months, youāre holding each other, and thatās all either of you need.Ā Ā
#spencer reid#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid angst#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fic
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don't want to let you go, baby ā
Ėāā§ š ā§āĖ ā
synopsis. źØļø texting the jjk men "i can't do this anymore," and they take it as you breaking up with them but you aren't (not the misunderstanding trope) PART 1
characters. źØļø fem!reader x gojo, toji, choso, itadori, yuta (separate)
cw. źØļø established relationship, small (and quick) misunderstanding, fluff, crack (cus when am i not funny), suggestive in toji's (are we surprised), extreme comfort (especially in yuta's), possessive toji, talk of violence, !!purely joking about khs (yuji, he IS NOT BEING SERIOUS, i forgot to add in the tone indicator)!!, reader having self doubt
notes. źØļø i'm still reading the jjk manga (currently in the middle of culling game arc) so i'm not the most familiar with yuta's character. if any of u feel that i mischaracterized him, pls pls pls lmk!! also, i made this too long so i had to split it in 2 parts
āŖ song used. źØļø one more last time by henry young
part 2 geto, nanami, sukuna, megumi, and inumaki
end notes. źØļø very sorry to the nctzens who might see this through yuta x reader
reblogs, comments, and likes are all appreciated! <3
jjk masterlist | general masterlist
#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#gojo#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#jjk smau#toji#toji fushiguro#toji x reader#choso#choso kamo#choso x reader#itadori#itadori yuji#itadori x reader#yuta#yuta okkotsu#yuta x reader#gojo satoru x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#choso kamo x reader#itadori yuji x reader#yuta okkotsu x reader
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yandere stanley and stanford pines somno thoughts :)
18+!!!
tw // somnophilia, noncon, dubcon, drugging, pls lmk if i missed any tags
sorry thereās a read more link, this one is a little intense soā¦ mind the tws and tags plsš„°š„°
stan is not sneaky or quiet going into your room. he thinks heās being quiet, but heās not. after a couple times, he stops bothering. like it clicked for him that it doesnāt matter if you do wake up cuz either way youāre in his home and thereās no way out. no amount of screaming will save you either, like the shack is out in the woods.
the first time wasnāt on purpose, it was a heatwave and stan woke up around 2 am not being able to go back go sleep in the heat. sooo he goes to ur room to check on you, yk to see if youāve fallen asleep yet or if ur awake like him. heād go into your room and see the 4 different standing fans he bought for you turned on, and also see that youāre only sleeping in your underwear. the heat was killing you, so obviously you had to strip. immediately stanās next to your bed, hand slowly messaging your naked chest. you moan a little in your sleep and stan takes that as a sign that youāre literally begging for him. like moaning??? in your sleep??? ok SLUT. same thing next evening, except stan goes farther. and like heās been out of the game for so long yk so heās just curious. and like itās not his fault you were tempting him, heās an old man. he takes a couple risks: kissing you, pushing a couple fingers into your mouth or hole to see how much of him you could take. by day 3, heāll see that your body is being conditioned to respond to his touch and heās actually gonna lose it.
your eyes flutter open, a moan falling from your lips, as you feel something press against your heat. āhey there, dollface.ā stan grins at you and you jolt awake, trying to move away.
āstan, donāt! get-ā
stan grabs your waist and pulls you back, cutting you off, āno point in trying to run, baby.ā he flips you over, pushing your face into the pillow. he gets to his knees and pushes into you, stopping to feel the melting heat.
ās-stan p-pleaseā you moan, muffled by the pillow.
āplease what, sugar.ā stan grins as you try to move your hips. he grabs a fistful of your hair, making you arch to look at him.
āplease, please keep goingā
ford is the sorta the opposite of stan like he couldve been doing this to you for months and you wouldve never known. like he definitely crushes up some sleeping pills into your food when youāre not looking. he knows what heās doing is wrong and knows he should stop, but he canāt help it, youāre just so beautiful.
i feel like first time it happened, it was probably when you fell asleep in his lab. you had stayed with him to do some research and when you fell asleep, he decided to carry you to bed. the warmth of your body against his was enough to get him flustered, but when he laid you down, he took the opportunity to press a kiss to your mouth. and dudeā¦ he was immediately devastatingly horny like one kiss almost took him out. he definitely booked it out of your room out of embarrassment (even though you werenāt conscious to see) after this, he didnāt make eye contact with you or talk to you for a couple days. you end up confronting him about it and instead of telling you his feelings, he decided that he should just drug you to keep using you without having to vulnerable.
i feel like every time he does this, even if youāre not awake, heās apologizing to you and making sure that you cum too. like he feels sooo bad for doing this to you, but like the guilts not gonna stop him. the only reason you ever realized is cuz he fucked up on the pills and you woke up to him pounding into you like a rabbit.
āf-ford, get off me.ā you could feel every inch of him as he held you close. you try to push him off you, but instead he folds you in half, legs hooking his shoulders.
in this position, you could hardly think or breathe, he went deep and hard into you. as he gets quicker, he starts to mumble into your ear, āi canāt stop, i-iām sorry, iām s-so sorry.ā he bites into your shoulder and you moan. āyou just feel so good.ā
for both ford and stan, once you wake up to them using you and you end up not telling anyone what happened, theyāll take that as a green light to keep doing this to you. and then it evolves from at night while youāre sleeping to the afternoon in a public mall bathroom.
(i kinda want to write about that nowā¦ but alsoā¦ tutor!ford x readerā¦ stan x babysitter!readerā¦ im thinking thoughtsā¦)
#yandere#x reader#yandere x reader#gender neutral reader#tw noncon#cw somnophilia#cnc somno#somno breeding#somno k!nk#stanford pines smut#stanford pines x reader#stanley pines x reader#stan pines x reader#stan pines smut#yandere stanley pines#yandere ford pines#yandere gravity falls#gravity falls#did anyone see stanās mystery sack on twt š„°š„°#wish they were in my mouthšš#tw dubcon#tw drugging#yandere thoughts
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Love Game
[Logan Howlett x fem!reader]
Warnings: MDNI/18+ use of she/her, female reader, swearing, being referred to as a girl, mention of being a stress eater, mild alcohol consumption and mention of alcoholism kinda, jealous!Logan, mild violence, youāre shorter than Logan, unprotected sex (wrap it up), little bit of spitting, sub!logan x kinda dom!reader, voyeurism? Technically?, use of pet names, I believe thatās it but pls lmk if I missed any! ps. you wear a dress in this but if that don't work for you, imagine its a sick ass tux/ fancy attire you're comfy in
Also non cannon compliant because I know Logan is heavy as shit and his body weight would crush you but just for a minute youāre gonna pretend like it wouldnāt
Summary: essentially [this ask] with plot ! // Scott needs to mind his god damn business, but he mightāve done you a favor by snatching your diary and waving it in Logan's face.
Word Count: 8K
ā¦ā¢Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·ā¢ā¦ā¢Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·ā¢ā¦
āThat fucking kid.ā
You groaned, lifting your mattress and checking underneath and round your bed. You knew Scott was going to snatch your diary the moment youād realized he overheard you tell Ororo where you kept it.Ā He was always busting your balls the same way he did Logans, even insisting it was a ātwo for oneā deal when he got to bother you at the same time.Ā
Well, he was really gonna regret messing with you this time.
āSummers! Iām going to wring your goddamn neck! Where is it?ā
Your voice boomed through the open halls of the mansion as you barreled down the stairs, feet moving faster than your thoughts. Everything echoed in this place; if he was here, you know he heard you.
āScott!ā
You continued to call his name, stomping around until you locked eyes with him as you entered the kitchen. In his hands - to your abject horror - was your diary, spread open while Logan peeked over his shoulder.Ā
Truthfully, Scott was a little scared shitless of the consequences of what heād done. Heād dealt with Logan back and forth, sure, but you? Terrifying. You had just about the same strength as Logan and about five times his rage. Thatās why his eyes grew wide when he saw you, snapping the little book shut.Ā
You could feel your face burning. A diary was private within itself, but there were some things youād written that were never supposed to be read by another soul; Scott and Loganās included.
āFucker,ā you grumbled, reaching forward to grab the book from Scottās hands until Logan snatched it, holding it above your head.Ā
āAh, not so fast,ā he teased.
Youād gotten into plenty of squabbles with Scott, but he was absolutely going to pay for this. He knew the way you felt about Logan and you swore he got some sick satisfaction out of trying to humiliate you. He only found out because heād overheard you confiding in Jean late one night in the living room with a pint of ice cream in your hands, yapping while you shoveled Ben and Jerrys into your mouth.
Your eyes flickered between his face and Loganās. If looks could kill, Scott would have dropped dead the second you walked into the kitchen.Ā
āNow what is this,ā Logan asked with a lilt in his voice as his eyes scanned a page, āa whole paragraph for little olā me?ā
Shit.Ā
āIāll give it back, I promise, but I gotta read this.ā
If you tried, you could maybe snatch the thing from his grip before he read too much. You considered jumping on him, piggybacking until he dropped it or handed it over. What lengths would you be willing to go through to keep it a secret anyway? Was it really even a big deal?
You had a crush. Everybody does at some point. A stupid, harmless crush and if this was how he was going to find out, so be it.Ā
You were still absolutely planning on tearing Scott from limb to limb, though.
āHuh,ā Logan clicked his tongue, beginning to read from the pages, āNo one knows how to piss me off like Logan.ā
You sighed, dropping your head into your hands.
āTrue,ā he commented, āand he spends a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom to do his hair.ā
āAlso true,ā Scott chimed in, becoming the subject of your seething gaze.Ā
āHeād save so much time if he just let me do it for him - like it would be hard to comb it into two cat ears,ā he read, looking up to speak to you, āfirst of all, I told you theyāre not cat ears.ā
You simply nodded and rolled your eyes.
āSecond of all, you couldnāt master āem anyway - Iād have to fix it myself.ā
You just scoffed, leaning yourself back against the kitchen counter in an attempt to act nonchalant while you tapped one foot uncontrollably. Everything heād read so far seemed to be the mundane stuff, nothing incriminating just yet.Ā
āGod, how I wannaā¦play with his hair,ā he read, eyebrow quirked in confusion.
Ah, there it is.
āThatās, uh - itās really old, I didnāt mean, like - itās from years ago,ā you tried to blabber out an excuse.
āItās dated - itās from a couple months ago.ā
You pursed your lips, nearly biting through the flesh at the same time from the pressure. You had to get that book out of his hands.
āHeās so stubborn,ā Logan continued to read with a smug grin, holding the book high when you jumped to grab it, āI wish someone would just put him in his place.ā
āOoh,ā Scott chuckled, looking to you, āare you gonna be the one to do it?ā
āFuck you, Summers - Iām so gonna get you back for this,ā you snarled.
āI donāt think it would take too much for him to keep his mouth shutā Logan started to read again.
You instantly recognized the part he was reading and gasped, frantically reaching again for the book.Ā
āNo, no, no, Logan, please - you donāt wanna read th-ā
āIād love to be the one to do it. I wanna take him and -ā
He stopped reading and his eyes scanned the rest of the page, his amused smile faltering. You knew exactly what it was heād read and you wanted to bury yourself alive. You remembered scrawling it down, snickering to yourself as you dragged the gel pen across the paper.
I wanna take him and tie him to my bedpost, probably shove my panties in his mouth and fuck him senseless.That would really shut him up.
Out of all the pages in that goddamn book, thatās the one he had to open up to?
You watched intently as his eyes flashed from yours to the page and then back again.
āWhat does it say?ā Scott questioned, trying to lean over to get a look.
Instead of letting him read it, he snapped it shut and held it out towards you, his face expressionless. Was he mad? Grossed out?
āDonāt worry about it. We shouldnāt be readinā her private stuff anyway.ā
āUhā¦,ā you hesitated, fingers softly grazing his when you took it back, āthanks.ā
You turned on your heel immediately and hastily made your way back to your room. You hoped to hide out there the rest of the day, praying maybe Logan would forget what heād read or just let it be. You knew him well enough to know he wouldnāt.
You knew him so well because you were like mirrors of each other; smart mouthed and hot headed. You realized that the first couple months with the X-men, always butting heads with him until one mission where you had to grab the back of his jacket in an attempt to keep him where he was. You tugged with so much force that you nearly knocked him on his ass. Even Hank had never been bold enough to do that, not when Logan was as riled up as could be. From that point on, it was kind of an unspoken assumption that you would always be the one who calmed him down or held him back. So, you did just that; grabbing his wrist with both hands to force him to keep his claws to himself or pushing back against him when he tried to lunge at Scott for something stupid - though, after what he just pulled, you may just let Logan rip him apart next time. Though it was never acknowledged between the two of you, you were his anchor. You held him down when he began to drift away. Fortunately for you, he did the same - using minimal effort to keep you in place when you tried to go for someoneās face or going as far as to hike you over his shoulder and carry you away from the confrontation, all while you kicked and screamed to be let down.Ā
You avoided him the best you could for two days after the incident in the kitchen, quick comments in passing but never staying long enough for a full conversation out of fear that heād bring up what he read. What were you supposed to say, anyway? āSorry I thought about fucking you?ā
Youād have to think of something because you were face to face in training a few days later. Scott stood to the side of you both, a stopwatch in his hand.Ā
āAlright, when I say go, whoever pins the other down for more than five seconds wins. Remember, you're each trying to beat your time from the last session.ā
Scottās voice almost sounded underwater. Your eyes were locked with Loganās and though you wanted to rip your gaze away, you couldnāt.
āReady? Andā¦go!ā
He backed out of the way and you tried to lunge at Logan, quickly being flipped onto your back.
āOkay, ow,ā you whispered to yourself, immediately standing back up.
He tried to grab you when you stood but you caught his hand, twisting his arm behind his back to force him to the ground. You straddled his back and kept your weight on him but he was too quick, turning over and pushing you off him.
āDonāt get too excited, now,ā he panted, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
You were caught off by the low cadence of his voice, inadvertently letting your guard down and giving him an opportunity to pin your arms above your head and keep your legs down with the weight of his knee. Scott began to count down and you racked your brain for a way to get yourself out from underneath him.Ā
You were able to pull one of your legs free, sending him a little off balance and using your leg on the side of his torso to roll him over on his back again. You straddled his waist, using your hands and your forearms to hold his down. That, however, left you nose to nose while panting for air.Ā
āWhat, you thought Iād let you win?ā You asked, tongue poking at the corner of your open mouth. It was usual for you to tease each other with little snide comments. Nothing any different from the usual, right?
āNah, I just really like havinā you on top.ā
Nope, definitely different.Ā
You didnāt even hear Scott call time on your match at first.Ā
āHey! Lovebirds! I said you can get off each other. Jesus,ā he groaned. You finally remembered where you were and quickly scrambled off of Logan.Ā
āAw, really? It was just gettinā good,ā he chuckled. You could feel his eyes on you as you gathered your belongings with your back turned. You tried to step out into the hallway, praying he wouldnāt catch you before you met the elevator doors - of course, you werenāt that lucky.
āHey, hey - princess, wait up,ā you heard him call after you and you stopped, turning on your heel with an irritated expression.
āAbout the other day, the thing you wrote - ā
You sighed, rubbing your face in distress and cutting him off before he could finish.
āListen, Logan,ā you quickly looked around the corridor to make sure you were alone, āI know what you read, I donāt wanna talk about it. It - look, it was some stupid phase where I had a crush and itās over, okay?ā
He tilted his head. You hoped he would simply nod and move on, but you watched his lips curl into a smile instead.
āAw, what happened - you changed your mind?ā
You knew him well enough to understand the look on his face. He was never gonna let this go - in fact, he was probably going to nearly torture you over it.Ā
āShut up,ā you huffed and continued to walk away, keeping your stare straight ahead.
āAw, pretty girl -ā
You dropped your belongings to the floor with an audible thud and gathered the front of Loganās t-shirt in your fists, tugging him down to your height so you were face to face.Ā
āFirst of all, I told you not to call me that - āprincessā, āpretty girlā - like Iām one of your little girlfriends. Okay, kitty cat?ā you scolded through gritted teeth. He hated being called that and you knew it.
His eyebrows were raised and his lips parted in surprise.
āAnd second of all,ā you continued with a deep breath, āyou read it, itās done - leave it be, would you? It doesnāt mean anything.ā
You still had his shirt in your tight grip.
āAlright, alright - Iām just teasing,ā he admitted, trying to pry your fingers from his t-shirt, āand Iām sorry, I never shouldāve been reading it in the first place.āĀ
You sighed and finally let him go.
āFine, I forgive you. And you canāt ever tell anyone what you read. Promise?ā
āCross my heart and hope to die.ā
āSo, weāre cool again? Nothings weird?ā
āNot unless you make it weird.ā
āYou were the one flirting with me.ā
āUh - was not. I was simply creating a distraction to throw you off guard and it worked.ā
āIāll get you back.ā
āSure, you will.ā
ā¦ā¢Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·ā¢ā¦ā¢Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·ā¢ā¦
You and Logan were in forced proximity hours later, standing with Scott, Jean and Ororo in Charlesā office.
āDo we really have to go?ā Logan groaned, hanging his head back in frustration.
You were staring at the thick paper invite atop Charlesā desk. All your names were scrawled in cursive, surrounded by small gold detailing with the event written on top. It was some kind of Gala, something for charity that you couldnāt quite make out from where you were standing.
āIt would be a wonderful opportunity to represent the school, yourselves and the mutant population as a whole,ā Charles answered.
āYou really think wolvie and his little hothead wrangler are gonna be well behaved enough to not make a scene?ā Scott gestured towards you both.
Logan stepped towards him and you instinctively grabbed the sleeve of his jacket to hold him back. He looked back at you, clearly annoyed.
āWeāll be fine,ā you insisted while glaring daggers in Scottās direction.
You didnāt notice that you were still holding the sleeve of Loganās jacket when Charles dismissed you. You let go and cleared your throat as you followed him out of the room.
āThere's no way in hell I'm wearing a suit,ā he grumbled, looking down at his flannel and jeans.
āYou donāt wanna play dress up?ā You teased.
āAnd look like a stuck up prick? No.ā
āI'm kind of excited to wear something nice for once,ā you admitted, āIāve got a couple nice dresses Iāve never even worn. Besides, maybe thereās gonna be a couple of hot, rich guys there.ā
You were looking straight ahead as you walked side by side down the hall, smiling to yourself. If you had turned your head, you would have seen the way Logan rolled his eyes.Ā
āWhat, youāre gonna go home with some rich schmuck just ācause heās got money?ā
He sounded almost annoyed. You furrowed your eyebrows and shrugged.Ā
āI donāt know, if heās good looking, maybe.ā
That was only a little truthful. You were not the type of person who was comfortable enough to go back to a stranger's place or hook up with someone youād never see again. But maybe you could, if it would keep your mind off Logan and convince him to forget about what heād read a few days ago. And if the guy did have money? It certainly wouldnāt be a problem for you.
āOh,ā Ororo piped up from behind you, stretching out the vowel, āI see - youāre going shopping. Gotta try before you buy, huh?ā
She playfully poked your side and you chuckled, swatting her hand away.
āCall it what you want,ā you responded, ābut Iām gonna have fun, at the very least.ā
You would end up having fun - just in a much different way than you expected.
You decided on getting ready for the night in Ororoās room when the time came a few weeks later. She was touching up her makeup at her vanity while you changed behind the bathroom door.Ā
āDoes it fit?ā She asked through the wood with her eyes still on her reflection.
You were attempting to zip the back of your dress with your arm stretched uncomfortably over your shoulder.
āIn a way? Kind of.ā
Jean entered the room just then, having already gotten ready in her and Scottās room.
āSheās trying on a dress thatās been in her closet since last year that still had tags,ā Ororo explained to her as she sat on the edge of the bed.
āCan one of you zip me up, though?ā you sighed in defeat and opened the door, āI canāt get it.ā
āWoah, mama!ā Ororo comically wolf whistled and you rolled your eyes with a smile.
The dress was your favorite out of your collection of unworn clothing; it showed the perfect amount of skin and hugged your figure phenomenally. To top it off, the color complemented your skin in the best way possible.
āI donāt look silly? I feel a little funny getting all dolled up,ā you confessed, turning around so Jean could pull your zipper up the rest of the way.
āDefinitely not silly,ā Jean reassured you but mumbled under her breath after, āLoganās gonna lose it.ā
You turned back around to quirk an eyebrow at her.
āWho cares what he thinks? Did I say I care what he thinks? āCause I donāt. Like, at all.ā
āHoney,ā Ororo began, āwe already know you like him, remember?ā
You groaned and bent down to look into the mirror on her vanity.
āI donāt - not anymore, at least.ā
āYeah, right,ā Jean giggled, ākeep telling yourself that.ā
Ororo looked at the time on her watch and hastily stood to slip on her shoes, āWeāre gonna be late if we donāt leave soon. Logan and Scott are supposed to meet us downstairs.ā
You stepped into your shoes and grabbed the little bag youād carry for the night, following her and Jean out the door. When you finally got to the staircase, you could see Scott and Logan talking to each other at the bottom, the latter of the two standing with his back facing the stairs.Ā
āAll right, ready!ā Jean enthusiastically announced. If she hadnāt said anything, the simultaneous clicking of your shoes wouldāve announced your presence for you.
Logan turned around to face you. At that moment, he wondered why he ever complained about going in the first place. His eyes were glued to you as you came down the stairs and you could feel yourself start to get warmer.Ā
He looked so good in a tux, Jesus Christ. You liked when he wore those tight fitting tanks and jeans, sure, but something about the formal attire really did it for you. His cologne wafting into your space when you stood next to him didnāt do much to help dispel any feelings you had, either. How badly you wanted to just forget the stupid event, tug him into your bedroom upstairs and show him that you were so not kidding about what youād scribbled in your diary. Alas, that was certainly not going to happen.
āJust an old crush,ā you internally tried to remind yourself, ājust an old crush - thatās it. Iām not into him anymore.ā
Except that you knew damn well it was a lie.Ā
āWeāre gonna be late if we stand here any longer, cāmon,ā Scott began walking with Jean while you, Logan and Ororo followed.
āYou look nice,ā Logan finally spoke as you made it to the door, āthink youāll bag any of those rich guys?ā
You almost asked what he was talking about, too lost in thinking about how you actually wanted to bag him and not some stranger.
āI donāt know,ā you answered truthfully, ābut if I do, youāll be the last to find out.ā
āOh, really? Whyās that?ā
āBecause Iāll never hear the end of it.ā
āGot that right.ā
You eventually found yourself in a large, decorated open room, sat in the corner with Logan while he nursed a glass of whiskey and you anxiously scarfed down appetizers. The rest of the team had walked off to mingle - like normal people do.
āKid, youāre gonna choke if you keep eatinā that fast,ā he warned you.
ā ām a stress eater,ā you explained with a mouthful of fancy cheese, ābesides, youāre a stress drinker. Thank god thereās so many tiny foods.ā
He scoffed and took a sip of his drink.Ā
āWhat are you even stressed about, anyway? Half your job tonight is to just stand there and look pretty and youāve already got that down.ā
āThank you, I think?ā your eyes nervously scanned the room, āI just hate being in a crowded place, especially one this big thatās full of complete strangers.ā
āWhy do you think Iām holdinā a glass right now?āĀ
Your eyes flickered between his and the half full glass in his hand. You wordlessly took it from his fingers before he even had time to react and downed the contents in one gulp.
āWell, thatās one way to calm your nerves,ā he commented, ābut if you keep drinkinā like that, youāre gonna be face first on the ground before the nights even started.ā
You were still holding a grimace from the burn of the alcohol but shook your head and cleared your throat, āI just needed the kick in the ass - Iām good.ā
āSo, youāre gonna go socialize? Good luck,ā he raised his eyebrows, āsomething tells me these people arenāt really who we want to be hanging out with.ā
āWhy, because they have an immense amount of cash to burn and we donāt? You canāt hate people just because they have money, Logan.ā
āThen how am I doinā it right now?ā
You rolled your eyes.
āI think thereās gotta be a few genuinely good people out there who just happen to be rich.ā
āUh-huh, and I think two plus two is five - it doesnāt make me right.ā
āYou know what? Iām going to prove you wrong,ā you said smugly, standing up from the table.Ā
āI think youāll prove me right.ā
āYou wanna bet?ā
āItās a deal.ā
āWhat are we betting, exactly?ā
āHow ābout this - if either of us can find someone here we actually want to go home with, you win. If we donāt, I win.ā
āFine,ā you narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms, āwhat does the winner get?ā
āI donāt know,ā he shrugged, āwe can figure it out later.ā
With that, you both dispersed. You were still feeling uncomfortable but that wasnāt going to go away unless you did something about it. Do you just go up and talk to someone? What do you say?
āExcuse me,ā a voice said from behind you and you turned around, only to be face to face with a cute guy in a tux.
āOh, so they come up to you,ā you thought immediately.
āUh, I donāt mean to be forward with you, but you look very beautiful,ā he said politely, a charming smile on his face, āI saw you when you walked in and wanted to say something, I just wasnāt sure if you came with someone.ā
You took a second to respond, still processing the fact that he even came up to you.Ā
āOh, thanks,ā you finally replied, āyouāre not too bad yourself.ā
You tried to use humor to dispel the awkwardness - the type of awkwardness you feel when you get asked to go to a school dance in the seventh grade - but this guy was cute. If you just got to know him a bit, the mild discomfort would probably pass.
āI didnāt come here with anyone, by the way,ā you added, āWell, I mean, I did but not in that way - Iām with friends.ā
āThatās good to know,ā he said, grinning, āin that case, would you wanna dance with me?ā
You hadnāt even asked each other your names, and you didnāt really care.Ā
You nodded and let him take your hand, āI have to warn you, though - Iām no dancer.ā
āWell, do I look like one? āCause Iām certainly not, either. But when thereās a beautiful woman in the room that you really wanna talk to, youāve got to think of a reason to go up and talk to her.ā
āI donāt know - I think you just might be a bit of a smooth talker.ā
He was and it was definitely working. He clicked his tongue and waved his hand dismissively.
āOh, cāmon, donāt make me blush.ā
He was funny, too. All you had to do was find out a little more about him - for the sake of the bet, yes, but also to determine the probability of breaking his bed frame later if it all went well.
So, you let him rest his arms around your waist and you put your hands on his shoulders. It was kind of nice to have someone so close. You started to feel mildly uncomfortable, though, as if someone was staring at you. You ignored it anyway, deciding it was just the anxiety of being in a place with a lot of people.
Really, it was Logan standing across the room with his stare glued to you two. He looked like he wanted to bore a hole into the poor guy's skull. When you finally caught sight of him, he turned and seemingly disappeared.
You spent a bit of time with your new date, intending to subtilely interrogate him to find out if he fit the criteria for your bet with Logan. Even if he didnāt? You might let him take you home anyway.
You sat with him at an abandoned table, leaning your head on your hand as you half - listened to him talk about stocks. You glanced around the room and spotted Logan again almost immediately.Ā
He was leaning against the wall with a girl hanging from his arm. She was talking away and he looked completely disinterested. The whole point of coming was to distract yourself from anything to do with him and there you were, ignoring your date to silently seethe at a girl who was only in his vicinity.
You tried to zone back in on the conversation and really pay attention when he started to talk about his job. It was some tech company youād heard of, a big name in the industry.
āOh, so, what do you do there?āĀ
āWell, I own it.ā
You squinted and sat up straight.
āYou own the company.ā
It was more of a statement than a question.
He nodded and you raised your eyebrows. This was going much better than you anticipated. You couldnāt help but glance over at Logan to see that girl still standing with him.Ā She was twirling a strand of her long hair around her finger. She was undeniably pretty, so you wondered why he wasnāt even looking at her while she hung all over him.
āHey, would you wanna dance with me again? I know itās a little slow paced, but I love this song.ā
You returned your attention to the man in front of you and smiled as politely as possible.
āYou know what? Sure, why not.ā
You let him lead you into the middle of the room and rest his hands on your hips. He pulled you much closer than youād been standing before, so much so that you were nearly stepping on his shoes. His hands slid down further and you laughed a little to yourself. This was what you wanted, wasnāt it? So you wondered why it didnāt feel like something you wanted at all.
You caught Ororoās gaze from across the room and she smiled, flashing you a thumbs up. When you caught Loganās gaze, he was anything but smiling. There was a reason you felt like all this was something you didnāt want - you knew you wished it was him you were standing with. Still, you werenāt sure of why he wouldnāt tear his eyes from you or why he had such a scowl on his face.Ā
You stopped staring back when your date planted a kiss on your forehead.
āWhat was that for?ā
āWell, I kinda wanted to kiss you but I figured maybe goinā right for the lips might have been too much.ā
āWe donāt even know each other's names.ā
āDo we have to?ā
You thought hard for a moment, wondering if Logan was still watching. It wasnāt fair to kiss someone just to try to make another person jealous, you knew that. He didnāt even have a reason to be jealous.
āYou can kiss me.ā
He was an alright kisser - nothing exciting. His lips were soft, though, and you liked the smell of his cologne. Before you could deepen the kiss any further, he was tugged backwards and off of you.
Logan had the back of the poor guy's jacket in his fists, nearly yanking him down to the floor with how much force he used.
āAlright, bub,ā he grunted, āI think that's enough, sheās leavinā.ā
You glared daggers at him with your lips parted in surprise.
āI can leave when I want to,ā you said through gritted teeth, āwhat the hell is your problem?ā
āIs he your boyfriend?ā your date asked, nervously looking between you both.
āHeās n-ā you began to answer and Logan cut you off as he grabbed your arm.
āYeah. Get lost.āĀ
You furrowed your eyebrows in anger but could feel your face becoming warm. You werenāt totally sure if you were turning pink from how enraged you were with Logan or from the words that just came out of his mouth.
āOutside. Now,ā you demanded, tugging your arm from his grip.
You turned to walk away and he followed as you grumbled to him, holding your dress up a bit so you wouldnāt trip as you stomped out.
āWhat the fuck was that?ā
He didnāt answer, simply following at your heels with his eyes on the marble floor of the corridor. You swung open the door and stepped into the cool summer evening air, waiting until the door shut behind you to speak again.
āWhat, you didnāt want me to win the bet?ā you guessed with raised eyebrows.
āYouāre really gonna let some guy you donāt know shove his tongue in your mouth?ā
You stood in stunned silence for a moment.
āAre you kidding? How is that any of your business?ā
He scoffed and shook his head.
āI canāt believe youāre gonna let some asshole be all over you just ācause he's got money.ā
āWhat?ā you furrowed your eyebrows, āwhy do you care?ā
āWhy donāt you? Seriously, youād just go home with some guy and fuck him?ā
āI donāt - I donāt know,ā you stuttered, āmaybe, but that was part of that stupid bet! Not that itās any of your concern!ā
You were nearly shouting at each other.
He clicked his tongue and spoke in a sour tone, ānone of my concern, sure. I didnāt think youād actually try and go home with someone -ā
āOkay, you know what?ā you threw your hands up in frustration, āI donāt know what the hell your problem is or why youāre acting like some jealous boyfriend, but fucking cut it out!ā
You were both finally quiet for a moment. The sound of cicadas and crickets songs filled the silence. Loganās face was pleading, his features highlighted by the soft golden yellow light seeping through the buildingās windows.
āYou just donāt get it, do you?ā he mumbled under his breath, his arms crossed over his chest.
You raised your eyebrows, āget what?ā
You sounded exasperated, sick of playing what felt like the worst game of twenty questions ever.
Logan brought a hand to his face, scratching at his facial hair - something you recognized as a nervous habit.
āThat stupid fuckinā notebook, the little one you write in,ā he groaned, āI just wish I never read it.ā
āSo, youāre mad about that?ā You asked, clearly still confused as to what he was trying to say, ālisten, Iām sorry, it wasnāt -ā
āNo, no, thatās not what Iām saying,ā he interrupted, āitās - fuck, I donāt know. I donāt know, It's like I read that damn thing and lost my mind.ā
You waited for him to elaborate, a puzzled expression still plastered on your face.
āItās all I can think about, all the time - it's like I close my eyes and I can still see it written down in your chicken scratch. I donāt even know what to do, Itās so stupid,ā he huffed.
You still didnāt understand what he was trying to tell you or whether he was talking to you or himself.
āAnd then - I donāt know, alright - you look soā¦ā he groaned with his face in his hands, āI like you - is that enough? Yaā get it? I liked you for awhile and then Scott had to go peekinā through shit that wasnāt his and reading that shit you wrote just made it even worse for me. Iām supposed to read that you wanna āfuck me senselessā and just let it go? You thought that wasnāt gonna do something to me?ā
You were slack jawed, feeling like your legs were going to give out from under you.
He seemed angry, his nostrils flaring while he held a frown.
āSoā¦you -āĀ
His hands cupped your face and he leaned down close enough for you to feel his warm breath on your skin.
āSo, I want you to fuck me like you said you wanted to.ā
Your eyes grew so wide that you feared they might pop out of your head.Ā
āWould you, if I asked?ā He continued in a low voice.
Your stomach erupted in butterflies and you nodded without hesitation. Conversations like this with Logan had only ever happened in your dreams.
His lips finally connecting with yours made your head spin. If he wasnāt tenderly holding your face, you mightāve just let yourself fall to the ground.
āIāve been thinking about you for months, you know,ā he admitted when he pulled away, āwatchinā when you walk away, thinking about how you say my name, wishing I could just tell yaā - I didnāt have the nerve. Seeinā you with another guy, though - I couldnāt take it anymore. I thought I could and I just can't.ā
You almost expected to hear the beeping of your alarm clock that would startle you awake in your bedroom. Still, it never came. You could feel his hot breath on your face, the breeze on your skin, the warmth of his hands; it was all too real.
āYou mean it? All of it?ā
You didnāt know why your voice sounded so desperate, almost pleading with him not to toy with you.
ā ācourse I do. Of course, I mean - god, look at you.ā
His mouth was on yours again and you smiled against his lips, your cheeks tinted pink.
āHey, wait,ā you pulled away momentarily, āwhy did you agree to that bet in the first place, then?ā
He gnawed on his bottom lip anxiously.
āI kinda figured you wouldnāt be able to find someone good enough, I donāt know - maybe I could convince you to come back with me instead.ā
āThat was your plan?ā you let out a small laugh, smiling so wide that your face began to ache.
āWell, It mightāve worked if you hadnāt met whatās-his-face in there.ā
āI donāt know his name,ā you shrugged, ādidnāt care to ask.ā
He quirked an eyebrow at you.
āI let him kiss me because I wanted to make you jealous,ā you admitted, āI still like you.ā
āI know.ā
āYou know?ā
His expression was as smug as could be.
āThat you still like me? Yeah.ā
āHow? Am I that obvious?ā
āItās not your fault,ā he shrugged and lowered his voice to a whisper as he put his lips to your ear, āI could smell how wet youāve been all night.ā
You swallowed hard and shivered when his hand slid up your back.
āAnd it worked, by the way - Iām jealous.ā
āYeah?ā
He nodded and leaned his forehead against yours.
āWell,ā you affectionately scratched at the hair at the back of his head, āare you gonna do something about it, then?āĀ
He kissed you with much more fever than before and you caught his lower lip between your teeth, making him groan into your mouth. His hands were in your hair to push you even further into him to the point he was practically hunched over your body. When you finally took a second to catch your breath, you had a realization.
āI won the bet.ā
He furrowed his eyebrows.
āPlease tell me you donāt mean youāre actually still gonna go home with that guy.ā
āNo,ā you rolled your eyes and let out an amused scoff, āI meant you, Logan.ā
āMe,ā he repeated with a beaming smile, āyouāre coming home with me.ā
You nodded and giggled, absentmindedly fixing the hair hanging in front of his forehead.Ā
He was staring into your eyes in a way that had you feeling as though there was nothing else around you - no fancy party inside, no responsibility to socialize - just you and Logan in the cool light of the moon. He was studying your face like heād never see it again if he turned away.
āWhat if I couldnāt wait till we got home?ā He asked quietly. His warm breath just barely grazed your lips.
Your eyes widened and you thought for a moment, looking between him and the door beside you.
āCāmere,ā you instructed simply, taking him by his hand and leading him inside to walk down the main hallway. You scanned the area and once you were sure no one would see either of you, you began trying knobs of different doors to see if one would open. When one finally gave, you slipped inside with Logan in toe and flicked on the lights. It was a small dusty office, one that probably hadnāt been used in a few months at the very least.
Neither of you wasted any time in taking advantage of your newfound isolation. Logan was kissing you like he was starving to taste you, working his way down your neck with an open mouth to leave darkening spots slick with his saliva.
āLogan,ā you sighed, eyes fluttering closed momentarily from the way he was nipping and sucking at your skin.
āI love when you say my name,ā he admitted, mumbling into your neck. His hands were everywhere - tangled in your hair, resting on your waist, your hips, your ass - he was desperate to keep his hands on you now that he had you.Ā
You disconnected your lips for a moment so you could hop back to sit up on the top of the desk behind you. You hiked the skirt of your dress above your knees to avoid ripping it and motioned for him to stand between your knees as you held the middle of the skirt down with one hand.
āIāve got an idea for my reward for winning the bet,ā you smiled mischievously, leaning up to hold his chin and force him to look you in the eye, āwhat do you say, pretty boy? You wanna be part of it?ā
He nodded eagerly and the pace of his breathing increased significantly.
āGood,ā you leaned back on one hand, using the other to tug at Loganās suit jacket, āoff.ā
He obeyed without hesitation and shrugged the garment off his shoulders. He began to untuck his shirt and you stopped him with a gentle touch.
āDid I say to take that off too, sweetheart? I donāt think I did,ā you spoke softly in a firm tone.
āNo - no, maāam.ā
It drove you crazy to have him under your thumb in that way, his usual domineering nature and dominance melting away by the second.Ā
āSo do as you're told, baby,ā you instructed, āif youāre good for me, maybe Iāll reward you back.ā
You could see him swallow hard, eyelids nearly fluttering closed when he thought of all the possibilities of what that might entail.Ā
āF- mhm, fuck,ā he stuttered when you brought a hand to the front of his pants and barely grazed the spot below the button with your fingertips. He began to twitch more and more with every touch.
āAre you gonna say yes?ā your voice was near taunting, āor do I have to try a little more convincing?ā
You popped the button on the front of his pants with ease and slid your hand underneath to feel him over the soft fabric of his underwear.
āYeah, yes, I - ah, yeah,ā he moaned in response, rocking his hips towards your hand and resting his forehead on your shoulder.
āYes what?ā
āYes, maāam.ā
You smiled and gently kissed his temple.There was something so lovably vulnerable about the way he was acting with you. You knew heād never let another soul find out that he loved what you did to him - dreaming of you whispering affectionate nicknames and praise as he sloppily pounded into you or spending hours on his sore knees just so he could feel you cum on his face - but the intensity of his devotion bordered otherworldly.Ā
āDo me a favor, baby,ā you started, lifting your hips for a second to drag your panties down your legs, ātake out your pretty cock for me.ā
He obeyed, tugging his pants down his thighs just enough for his already hard dick to spring up out of the confines of his briefs. You inadvertently licked your lips at the sight, thinking of how heavenly heād feel in you. He was huge, but for a guy whoās six foot two, it wasnāt a surprise.
He stood expectantly between your legs with his hands on your thighs. You leaned back on both hands, cocking your head to the side as you spoke.
āTouch yourself first and maybe Iāll let you touch me.ā
The āmaybeā was a bluff. He knew as well as you did that youād let him touch you regardless.
āGimme your hand,ā you ordered before he could even wrap his fingers around himself. You leaned your mouth over the palm of his hand and spat.
He groaned from the gesture alone, knees nearly buckling when he finally brought his hand down to coat his cock in your saliva.
āFeels good?ā You cooed, eyes flickering from his face to his leaking cock in his fist.
āMm - mhm, yeah, ās good,ā he panted, āreally fucking good.ā
You failed an attempt to hide your wide smile, hypnotized by the repeated motion of his hand. He looked so pretty like this - his jaw hung open, chest heaving while his face became more flushed with every passing second. You could feel the rush of heat in your lower stomach just from watching him.
You couldnāt help yourself from leaning forward a little and unbuttoning his shirt from the top down, all while he watched you intently, his breathing becoming heavier the closer your hand came to his.
āThink of you all the time when I do this at home,ā he panted, āyouāre so fuckinā beautiful.ā
The compliment made your heart swell; it was a sweet remark that so greatly contrasted the obscene speed of his hand as he stroked himself.Ā
āYouāre such a pretty boy,ā you whispered and planted a kiss on his pink cheek, āyou look amazing.ā
You caught the way the motion of his hand slowed and you couldnāt stop yourself from reaching forward and wrapping your fingers around his cock. He growled, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder as he squeezed his eyes shut.
āDonāt work yourself up so soon, kitty cat, or youāre gonna be finished before I even get to fuck you,ā you murmured into his ear and he gasped as you started to pump him.
āDonāt - ah - donāt call me that,ā he whimpered.
āAw, you donāt like it, my pretty kitty?ā
He growled again, even more animalistically , but his hips jerking into your hand told you he really didnāt hate that nickname as much as he told you he did.
āCāmon, sweetheart,ā you continued to tease, āI know you like it - you love beinā my big, pretty kitty.ā
He groaned, lifting his head from your shoulder and crashing his lips into yours.Ā
āSh-shut up,ā he managed to grunt.
You immediately withdrew your hand and sat back again.
He whimpered from the loss of contact and looked at you with pleading eyes, silently asking why you stopped.
āI said you had to be good for me, didnāt I?ā you asked.
He nodded, eyes traveling from your thighs, up your body and then back down again.Ā
āGood boys donāt talk back,ā you said simply, raising your eyebrows.
āIām sorry, Iāll - Iām good, Iāll behave, just please -ā
His speech was cut short when you hiked your dress up even further to expose your bare, wet pussy.
āFucking Christ,ā he moaned.
You tugged the top of your dress down to expose your chest and he had to grip the desk you were sitting on so his legs wouldnāt give out from under him.Ā
āIf you can be real quiet,ā you pushed some fallen hair out of his face, āIāll let you cum in me. You want that?ā
āPlease, āv been thinking of that for fucking weeks,ā he begged, āplease, please, baby.ā
He tentatively cupped one of your breasts and you rested your hand atop his, encouraging him to squeeze and knead however he pleased. You spurred him on to the point that he couldnāt resist leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue and sucking while his fingers toyed with the other one.
You couldnāt help whining from the sensation of his mouth on you while you combed your fingers through his hair.
He finally detached himself after ravishing your chest in wet kisses and left a string of saliva connecting his tongue to your nipple. You giggled a little to yourself and crashed your lips into his again in a heated mess of tongues and teeth. You scooted your hips up on the table and used your grip on his cock to graze his tip up against you, making him shudder.
āYouāre so - fuck, youāre such a fuckinā tease,ā he gasped and held your hips in an iron grip.
āWhatād I say about back talk?ā you moved the head of his cock further away from you.
He groaned in frustration, moving his hands to hold your face, āHoney, Iām already begginā -Ā please, I need you.ā
The desperation in his voice made you even wetter.
āI guess youāve been pretty good for me - do you think you deserve it?āĀ
He nodded eagerly and placed his hand over yours that was around him. You let him nudge your hand away to align himself with your entrance. His eyes bore into yours as he finally began to push himself into you, rocking his hips slowly to help you adjust to his size. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist. When he fully sheathed himself inside of you, he let out a loud moan that echoed through the small space.
āI told you to be quiet, sweetheart,ā you whispered into his ear.
āUh-huh, ās a lilā hard when Iām fuckinā a girl Iāve been dreamināĀ about for months,ā he mumbled, working up a steady pace while you wrapped your legs around him and locked your ankles at the small of his back to help push him further into you.
āYou feel so good, Logan,ā you moaned, kissing down his jaw and throat.
He groaned at full volume again.
āAre you gonna stay quiet? or do I have to shut you up? Hm?ā you grinned and he made an even louder noise. You reached behind you to find your panties and folded them into a ball, holding his jaw with your other hand.
āOpen.ā
He obeyed immediately, rolling his eyes into the back of his head when you stuffed them into his open mouth.
āGood kitty.ā
He let out a muffled growl and the speed of his hips increased.
āYeah,ā you panted, āI know you like that.ā
The angle at which he was fucking you made it so that he was hitting the sensitive spot inside of you over and over again, making you gasp each time. Sweat was forming on his neck and down both your chests, practically sticking your skin together in the hot, stuffy room.
āYouāre - youāre so pretty,ā you told him truthfully, admiring the rosey tint of his face and the drool that was starting to run down from the corner of his mouth. His eyelids fluttered closed and he started to thrust into you hard enough to shake the desk you were sitting on.Ā
āEasy, kitty cat - youāre gonna break somethinā,ā you muttered into the hot skin of his neck with a smug smile on your face.
His pace didnāt falter in the slightest, his hands gripping your ass to push you towards him every time he slammed his hips forward. The fabric of your panties muffled the guttural moan he choked on when you lightly sunk your teeth into his shoulder. He slid his hand between your bodies to bring his thumb to your clit, working tight circles around the bundle of nerves in rhythm with the thrust of his hips.
āFuck, fuck, I-ā you were speechless, at a loss for words from the brutal combination of the pressure he applied with his fingers and the way he repeatedly hit that spot inside of you. His eyes were squeezed shut and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, still whining and growling like an animal into the fabric of your underwear. You felt the heat in your lower stomach start to build and you buried your face in his shoulder, your mascara smudged under your eyes.
āLogan, Logan, Iām - ah - ām gonna come,ā you warned, tugging on the back of his hair.
He groaned and yanked the fabric out of his mouth, immediately bringing his lips to yours so he could tenderly make out with you while the squelching sound of your dripping cunt filled the room.Ā
āCāmon,ā he growled into your mouth, ācāmon, baby, please.ā
Both your chins were slick with each other's saliva from the frantic way youād smashed your lips together. Your whining and pleading became louder with every roll of his hips until the sensation sent you over the edge, euphoria blossoming from your lower stomach and spreading all throughout your body.
āOh my god, Logan,ā you nearly yelled, your hands slipping under his open shirt to scratch down his back, ās-so good. I love you.ā
The three words slipped out without hesitation and your eyes widened, mild humiliation replacing the fading feeling of your orgasm.
His hips rutted against yours when you spoke and he leaned his face down so he was nose to nose with you.
āLove you so much.ā
He kissed you softly with both his hands on your cheeks, so filled with affection that you couldāve cried. He slid his hands down back to your hips and kept his forehead against yours as he continued to drill into you.
āI donāt - I donāt ever wanna see yaā with anybody else,ā he panted, āI needed yaā so bad. You - ah - yaā drive me crazy.ā
Even after having already came, his pussy-drunk rambling still spawned butterflies in the pit of your stomach.
āYouāll never see me with someone else, baby - promise. ās always been you. Only ever really wanted you,ā you admitted with a soft voice.
His thrusts became sloppy and you could tell that spurring him on with your words would make him finish just as quickly as you did.
āIām yours, always have been,ā you whispered in his ear, āyouāre the only one Iāve ever thought about fucking me like this.ā
He choked out a sob into your shoulder and came with an animalistic growl, looking down to watch the mess being made all over your inner thighs.
āLove you so fucking much,ā he repeated with a sigh, slowly stopping the thrust of his hips and resting his head against yours again.
āI love you, too,ā you replied and planted a sweet kiss on the tip of his nose.
āSorry I made such a mess of yaā,ā he apologized, spreading your thighs as he pulled out, āIāll clean yaā up when weāre home, I swear.ā
āIāll hold you to it,ā you chuckled, readjusting your dress and slipping your underwear back on while Logan tucked himself back into his pants and buttoned his shirt.
You caught a glimpse of the watch on his wrist as he moved and grabbed his hand so you could see the time.
āShit! We were supposed to meet everyone back out front ten minutes ago,ā you realized aloud, slipping yourself off the desk and pulling your dress down.
He mirrored your haste and let you fix his hair, doing the same for you and wiping away the mascara under your eyes.
āOkay, okay, cāmon,ā you insisted, opening the door and slipping out hand in hand. You scurried down the abandoned corridor and all the way to the front exit. When Logan pushed open the door, you were met with Jean, Scott, and Ororo standing with worried expressions.
āWhat happened to you guys?ā Scott asked before Jean nudged him in the arm, pointing towards your intertwined hands.
You looked towards where she was pointing and back up again, āOh, uhā¦ā
You tried to think of an excuse and looked to Logan beside you for help.Ā
āNothinā,ā he said in a nonchalant manner, ājust got lost around the place - lotās of rooms in there.ā
Ororo raised her eyebrows suspiciously.Ā
āSure, and, uh - Is that why youāre holding hands?ā
You laughed a little, tugging his hand behind your back.
āWell,ā you started, āremember I said Iād try to bag a guy tonight? Um-ā
āIāve been bagged,ā Logan interrupted with a huge, smug grin.
āI wasnāt gonna put it like that,ā you insisted, ābut - yeah.ā
āFinally,ā Jean huffed and rolled her eyes, āI thought weād have to have an intervention.ā
āHuh?ā Logan narrowed his eyes.
āOh, cāmon,ā Ororo laughed, āwe all knew you liked each other, even before you did.āĀ
āAnd you never said anything?ā Logan asked.
āNeither of you ever believed us!ā
āTrue,ā you agreed with a shrug and giggle.Ā
āI believe you now,ā he stated, still holding your hand as you all made your way into the night, āShe might like me. Just a little bit.ā
ā¦ā¢Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·ā¢ā¦ā¢Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·Ā·ā¢ā¦
A/N: Thank you so much if you read till the end :) !! I did get stuck with some writers block in the middle of this and I'm not completely fulfilled w it but if I kept working on it it may take another week and my brain can't do it
Still working on requests rn so if you sent one in, I haven't forgotten about you!!! I'm trying to do two at a time so I can keep up (I won't burn myself out dw I usually do nothing all day till I work in the afternoon) <3
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett smut#logan howlett fic#logan howlet smut#logan wolverine#wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine fanfiction#wolverine fic#wolverine smut#deadpool and wolverine
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šššššš šššš šš? ā PBāµ
ą±Øą§ ā summary | request -> "Omg a fic where Paige and reader have always had this sort of sarcastic bickering borderline mean type of relationship/rivalry but one day the tension suddenly just goes from competitive to sexual and thennnnm ykkkk"
ā word count | 3.7k
ā warnings | NSFW under the cut, read at your own discretion! whoo, where do i begin???? paige/reader being a fucking ASSES (like super mean) and lots of insecurity, cc mention and comparison (pls don't come 4 me it's for the plot!!!!!! i didnt mean it!!!!), lots of arguing and fighting, mean!paige (like.... im talking MEAN), fingering (r receiving), so much dirty talk, idk if i missed anything lmk
ā ev's notes | the chokehold the pic in the middle has on me IS INSANE, also finishing a smut at 11 am should be a crime š (but iām feeding yall so be grateful)
THE GAME COULDN'T have gone worse.
The opposing team seemed to effortlessly dominate every aspect of the game. Shots that normally found their mark clanked off the rim, passes were intercepted with unnerving frequency, and the defense resembled more of a sieve than a fortress. Your entire team was quiet in the locker-room and Geno had told them that they needed the night to regroup, and they'll talk about it when they got home.
You made your way upstairs with Azzi and Aubrey, both trying their best to make you feel better. You played like shit, plain and simple and despite what your teammates were telling you, it was true.
You couldn't shake off the feeling of letting your team down. In the game, you were a shadow of your usual self. Your shots seemed to lack both the usual power and precision. Your attempts to drive to the basket were easily thrown by their defense, leaving you frustrated and angry.
Even your usually reliable defense broke under the pressure. You found yourself out of position more often than not, leaving gaping holes for the opposing team to exploit. Your reactions were slow, your movements sluggish, as if your body refused to respond to the commands of your mind.
"Hey," Azzi grabbed your arm so that you could meet her gaze. "We win and lose as a team, alright? This isn't all on you, we all played like shit tonight."
"But we always come back, Y/N." Aubrey added as you met her gaze as well. Their words would've made you feel better if this wasn't the worst you'd played all season, maybe even your entire college career.
You didn't bother to respond, you stayed quiet as you walked in your Azzi's hotel room and in there was Nika and Paige. They were seated on the bed, Nika looking more defeated than Paige, she looked more pissed than anything.
Paige didn't even acknowledge you as you walked in as she greeted Azzi and Aubrey, but you didn't even care right now. You were not in the mood for her shit, not after the game you just played tonight.
You sank into a chair in the corner of the room, the weight of the defeat pressing down on you like a leaden blanket. Nika's defeated expression mirrored your own feelings, while Paige's indifference grated on your already frayed nerves.
You listened as Azzi and Aubrey exchanged small talk with Nika and Paige, their voices a distant murmur in the back of your mind. But you couldn't bring yourself to join in the conversation, couldn't muster the energy to plaster on a fake smile and pretend that everything was okay.
Instead, you sat in silence, lost in your own thoughts. The events of the game replayed in your mind like a nightmare, each mistake magnified in the harsh light of hindsight. You wanted nothing more than to forget about the game, to push it to the back of your mind and move on, but the sting of defeat lingered like a stubborn stain.
"You okay, babe?" Nika's voice rang out as you got pulled back into reality. All the girls attention was now on you, feeling a bit self-conscious.
You forced a weak smile, attempting to brush off Nika's concern. "Yeah, just... processing everything, you know?" Your voice sounded hollow, even to your own ears.
"What's going on?" Nika asked, the concern evident in her face. "Talk to us, please, Y/N."
Nika knew how hard you were on yourself, she had seen you weather victories and defeats alike, always striving for perfection. Her gentle prodding encouraged you to open up, even if it meant admitting your own vulnerabilities.
"I played like shit," was all you could get out as you leaned forward, feeling their gaze on you. "I don't know what was so different about tonight but I just felt like the weight of the entire team was on my back and I didn't know I was carrying it until the end, and I just crumbled to the pressure."
"We all have our moments, Y/N." Azzi spoke up, empathy evident in her expression. But before anyone else could respond, Paige scoffed as she met your gaze.
"Carried the team? We all did what we could tonight and we don't need your shit." Paige's voice dripped with contempt, her words like a slap in the face.
You felt a surge of anger rising within you, fueled by the frustration of the game and now mixed by Paige's bitter words. How dare she dismiss your struggles so callously?
"What's your fucking issue, Paige?" you retorted, your voice tinged with frustration.
Paige's eyes narrowed as she glared at you. "My issue? Maybe if you didn't choke every time the pressure was on, we wouldn't be in this mess," she shot back, her words cutting like a knife. "You're always making excuses for yourself, Y/N."
You scoffed, getting up from the chair to glare at her. "I'm not making excuses, I'm acknowledging reality. We all had a bad game, Paige. It's not like you were lighting it up out there either."
"I did better than you, that's for fucking sure." Paige's voice came out bitter as you felt yourself let out a quiet scoff. You couldn't fight with her anymore, you were exhausted, both mentally and physically.
"Guys, stop it." Azzi's voice cut through the tension like a knife but neither of you acknowledged her, you both just kept glaring at each other.
"You're a bitch, Paige. You're just jealous because at the end of the day, you're just a burnt out star who can't handle not being in the spotlight anymore. Sorry that Caitlin's out there doing better than you, and that you feel the need to be a fucking ass all the time," you retorted, your words dripping with venom.
The frustration of the game, mixed with years of simmering animosity, boiled over into this heated argument that neither of you seemed willing to back down from. You didn't know why you brought up Caitlin, but all you knew was that you'd definitely get a reaction.
Paige's eyes flashed with anger, her jaw tightening as she glared up at you. "The fuck you have to bring Caitlin into this? At least I was a star, you'll never make into the WNBA with that attitude, I promise you that. You're just a selfish brat who can't handle criticism-"
"Hey!" Nika's shout rang out as she glanced in between the two of you. "One more word from either of you and I'm telling Geno, you guys are teammates and you need to act like it."
You glanced at Nika, seeing the disappointment etched on her face, and then back at Paige. Despite the rivalry between you, you knew that Nika was right ā however, you weren't quite ready to admit that.
You scoffed as you exhaled, feeling everyone's eyes on you. You didn't acknowledge any of them as you left the hotel room, feeling your eyes burn with unshed tears. You were embarrassed, Paige had always been hard on you for seemingly no good reason but it's never gotten this bad.
You two had always been good sports, even when the other played like shit. She never brought anything up that would actually hurt your feelings, unlike tonight. You didn't know why, you tried to think back at what could've changed tonight but came up with nothing that made sense. You just hoped it wouldn't affect the way you played with her, you didn't want it to effect the team more than it has.
You walked into your hotel room, locking the door behind you as you walked into the bathroom, ready for a warm shower to drown out the rest of the world.
āā
"Who is it?" You asked as you heard the knocking on the door. It was nearing two in the morning and you had just stepped out of the much-needed shower, clad only in your robe.
"It's me," Paige's voice was quiet as she spoke, your whole body tensing up just at the sound. You sighed deeply as you walked up to the door, opening it to reveal a slightly disheveled Paige.
She looked really, really good; she had her hair up in a loose bun, her gray sweats were slightly rolling off her hips and her shirt fit her just perfectly. Goddamnit, Y/N ā focus. You tried to hide the tug of attraction you felt towards Paige, pushing the distracting thoughts aside as you met her gaze.
"What do you want?" you asked, your tone guarded as you leaned against the doorframe.
"Let me come in," Paige's statement didn't come off as a question, more like a demand. You sighed and leaned backward so that she could enter.
Before you could say anything, Paige started talking. "I don't appreciate you comparing me to Caitlin, especially after the season I had."
You scoffed in disbelief as you closed the door. "You came in here just to say that?"
Paige turned so she could send you a glare. "I came in originally cause I was gonna apologize. But then I remembered the whole Caitlin thing-"
"What's up with you and Caitlin?" Your words came out with the same intensity as hers did. "I don't know why you took that comment to heart because you started this whole damn thing."
Paige's expression hardened, a defensive edge creeping into her demeanor. "What do you mean by that?" she snapped, her tone sharp with irritation. "I had the most terrible season, and everyone has been comparing me to her-"
You felt a surge of frustration rising within you, the tension between you and Paige reaching a boiling point. "And what about everything I've been through this season?" you shot back, your voice tinged with anger. "You think this season has been a cakewalk for me? You think I don't know what it's like to struggle?"
Paige's jaw clenched, her gaze hardening as she met yours head-on. "This isn't about that," she retorted, her voice low and tense. "This is about you and Caitlin suddenly being all buddy-buddy after the Iowa game. The comments under your posts, the calling and the texting. It's obsessive and annoying, I don't like it and I don't want you hanging around her anymore."
You paused for a second, trying to process her words. Paige's accusation caught you off guard, the weight of her words sinking in like a lead weight in your chest. Was she jealous? You couldn't help but let out a small laugh as Paige's eyebrows furrowed.
"The fuck you laughing for? You think this is funny?" Paige's eyebrows furrowed even further, her frustration palpable as she waited for your response.
"Aww, are you jealous?" Your words came out amused as Paige kept glaring at you. "I'm not replacing you or the team, she has a boyfriend."
"I'm not jealous," Paige's glare intensified, her jaw tightening with frustration at your teasing remark. "Don't flatter yourself, Y/N. I couldn't care less about your little fling with Caitlin."
"Then what's your problem?" you pressed, unable to resist the urge to push her buttons further. "If it's not jealousy, then why are you so worked up about it?"
Paige's nostrils flared slightly as she averted her gaze for a moment, before looking back up at you. "Cause it's no damn comparison. At the end of the day, you're on my team and you're mine," she paused as she shook her head. "My friend," she quickly clarified.
You blinked in surprise at Paige's sudden intensity, the weight of her words sinking in like a heavy anchor. The possessiveness in her tone left you feeling flustered, unsure of how to respond.
"Paige..." you began, your voice trailing off as you struggled to find the right words. But before you could even process anything, her lips were on yours and your back was pushed up against the wall.
Instinctively, your arms found their way around her shoulders, pulling her closer as you responded to her kiss with equal fervor. The heat of the moment consumed you, erasing any doubts or reservations as you lost yourself in the sensation of her lips on yours.
Her lips on yours sent a shiver down your spine, electrifying every nerve in your body as you surrendered to the passion that consumed you. All thoughts of the past were forgotten as you gave yourself over to the intoxicating enticement of Paige's lips.
Her hands slide up your body and hold your neck as you let out a soft whimper, causing your head to fall back against the wall. Paige's lips began leaving open-mouthed kisses all over your jaw and neck, as her hands explore your body.
This couldn't be happening, you kept thinking to yourself. After playing on the same team as Paige for almost three years now, it felt like this was a fever dream ā but you didn't mind it, not at all.
Her lips found yours again, kissing you roughly as your hands gripped her head. With ease, she lifted you up into her arms, your weight feeling insignificant against her strength. She kept her lips on yours as she carried you toward the bed, dropping you swiftly as your hands found her face.
Paige's hands had easy access to your body due the robe, that she quickly slid off as her lips stayed on yours. She pulled away for a second, breathless, as she took in your body with admiration in her gaze. You felt self-conscious for a moment, but you had no time to dwell on it as Paige pulled you down on the bed.
"You're fucking gorgeous," she mumbled as she pressed kisses all over your neck. "I hate how gorgeous you are."
Your mind was a whirlwind of conflicting emotions as Paige's words and actions washed over you. Part of you wanted to resist, to question the sudden intensity of this moment, but another part of you couldn't deny the undeniable chemistry between you and Paige.
But as her lips trailed along your neck, you found yourself unable to resist the pull any longer. With each kiss, each touch, you felt yourself unraveling, giving in to the utter need that surged through your body.
"I hate how you make me feel," Paige whispered against your skin, her voice husky with desire. "Every time I'm near you, it's like I lose control. Like I can't think straight."
Her words sent a shiver down your spine, igniting a fire within you that burned brighter with each moment. You reached up to cup her face, guiding her lips back to yours in a desperate kiss, hungry for the taste of her against your skin.
You reached out to her, your fingers tangling in her hair as you pulled her closer, unable to resist the magnetic pull that drew you together. "I hate how much I want you," Paige groaned, her voice tinged with frustration as she pressed her lips against your neck with force, pulling a soft whimper from your lips.
"I hate how much I need you," Paige spoke as she gazed into your eyes, her grip tightening on your waist as she pulled you closer. "But I'm not gonna fight it anymore. I'm done pretending like I don't want you, okay?"
You felt a rush of heat flood through you at her confession swirling in the pit of your stomach. In that moment, all you could think about was Paige completely, letting her consume you with her passion and desire.
"I want you, too, P." You finally let out, your voice quivering as she began to caress your thigh.
Paige scoffed, shaking her head at your words. "I know, I know you do."
She pushed her lips into yours again, a needy moan escaping your lips as she pushed you onto the bed. She straddled your hips as she kissed all over your neck, feeling yourself pulsate beneath her. You couldn't even think straight anymore, your mind was complete mush as she kept kissing all over your neck and jaw.
Paige mouth traveled down toward your stomach, leaving sloppy kisses and hickeys all over it. Your hands found her blonde hair, tugging as she teased you. Her blue eyes were completely focused on you, every reaction and every sound that you made, fueling her desire even further. With each kiss, each touch, she seemed determined to leave her mark on you, to brand you as hers in every way possible.
And you welcomed it, craving the intensity like a starving soul. With each tug of your fingers in her hair, Paige responded with a groan of satisfaction, her lips and tongue leaving a trail of fire across your skin.
She pried open your legs slowly, her gaze still lingering as your breath hitched. "Fuck," she mumbled as her eyes flickered toward your soaking cunt ā she was at a loss for words.
Paige fingers teased your entrance, pulling needy whimpers from your bruised lips. "You're so wet for me, baby," she finally plunged a finger into you, causing a borderline pornographic moan to leave your mouth.
Every sensation was heightened, every touch sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through your body as she thrusted her finger in and out of you. She wasn't gentle by any means, you could practically feel the anger radiating from her body as she watched you.
You leaned further into the bed, covering your face with your arms as a string of moans left your mouth. Almost immediately, Paige gripped your arm and pulled it off of your face. "I want you to look at me while I fuck you, alright?"
You couldn't reply with any words, you weren't even sure you were conscious at this point ā the exhaustion from the game, the anger from the earlier argument and now the utter pleasure of you were feeling was fogging up your brain, you couldn't even think straight anymore; all you could do was sit there and take it.
You tried your best to keep your eyes on her, but you felt yourself slipping as you arch your back. She added another finger, causing a new sensation jolting down your body ā you hadn't even orgasmed yet and you feel beyond overstimulated.
"Does Caitlin do this better than me, huh?" She mumbled as she leaned forward to press a sloppy kiss to yours lips. "Fucking answer me," she groaned as she pulled away.
You shook your head fervently, the only words you were really understanding were "Caitlin" and "better". Her movements became faster and deeper with your answer, causing another loud moan to slip out of your lips.
"Fuck, please," you cried out as you leaned back into the bed. Paige quickly pulled you down by your hips, making sure to pin you down as she continued to finger-fuck you. "Please,"
"So polite, baby. Fucking three years, it took me three years to realize that they only thing you needed was a good fuck for you to be nice, huh?" She spoke harshly as she felt you tighten around her fingers, your face contorting into utter pleasure as you shut your eyes. "Now I know whenever I need you to shut up, all I need to do is fuck you, right baby?"
Her words all blurred in your mind as she began rubbing your clit, and you were cumming all over her fingers ā the knot snapped hard, you were crying out so loudly, Paige was worried the neighbor's were gonna call the office.
She helped you ride your high as you caught your breath, before she pulled out her sticky fingers from your cunt. Before you could even process it, she stuffed them inside your mouth roughly as her blue eyes analyzed you.
You sucked them clean as you finally came back down to Earth, finally (kinda) being able to think straight. You were breathless, your legs were shaky and you were sweaty all over again. You finally opened your eyes to meet Paige's eyes, your heart almost jumping out of your chest at the look of utter admiration on her usually disinterested face (at least, when it came to you).
Before either of you could revel in the moment any longer, Paige's phone began to buzz in her sweatpants. She sighed loudly before picking it up, "What's up?"
You could recognize Nika's voice as she spoke but you couldn't quite understand what she was saying. However, when Paige's expression turned cocky as she took another look at you, you had a couple ideas on what it could be about.
"Yep, we made up. We're fine now, don't worry. Yeah, we're good, y'all can head to bed," she nodded along with whatever Nika was saying, a cocky ass smirk on her lips.
"You wanna talk to her? You sure?" Paige took a look at your disheveled appearance, laughing as your eyes went wide. Before you could protest, she handed you the phone. "Here you go,"
"Hey, babe," she spoke softly through the phone. "I made P go and apologize, I hate seeing you fight like this and-"
Her voice slowly became background noise as Paige leaned back into the bed, pulling you into her chest. Your heart began beating out of your chest as you relaxed into her embrace.
"-And I just love you guys, okay? Y/N, you still there?"
"Y-yeah, sorry. I'm just sleepy, we love you too, Nika," you got out as Paige smirked at you.
"Okay, okay," Nika replied, her voice filled with genuine affection. "Get some rest, okay?"
You said your goodbyes before handing the phone back to Paige, who ended the call with a satisfied grin. You couldn't help but roll your eyes at Paige, only she would fuck your brains out then make you answer the phone.
You laid on her chest quietly as she pulled the blanket over your body, pulling you even closer. You guys sat in silence, both of you knew there was a lot of debrief ā however, both of you were too tired to bring it up.
"I'm sorry for bringing up Caitlin, that was a bitch move," you began as you closed your eyes, getting comfortable beside Paige.
Paige's hand gently traced patterns on your back as she sighed softly. "No, I'm sorry too," she murmured, her voice filled with sincerity. "For being a bitch, and saying all that stuff about you not making it into the WNBA,"
"I know you didn't mean it," you mumbled as you felt yourself drift off into sleep. Paige leaned over slightly to turn off the lights, and you both slowly drifted off the sleep.
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ā³ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ā”
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*:ļ½„ļ¾ā§*:ļ½„ļ¾ā§ love language; s.g.
synopsis: when gojo satoru first fell in love with you content: teen gojo era, fem!reader, gojo is head over heels (love at first sight), hopeless!romantic gojo, 1k+ words of gojo just being an absolute fool in love, not beta read (sorry for any errors!) note: I've been wanting to create a sort of anthology series for some of my favs so here's a test run! I rlly wanna do lil drabbles/oneshots that can both be standalone but also can be read as something continuous revolving around Gojo's story with his soulmate... pls lmk if you'd like to see more of gojo and his mochi (aka you!)
Gojo Satoru didn't entirely know what love was; what with being raised by other people who weren't his actual mother and father, how could he? All he ever knew was a life of being the Honored One, since the day he was born. Nothing but a weapon. Living as the strongest and treated like a god... he never knew what real love felt like. He never knew what it was like to give or receive it. At least, notĀ thisĀ way.
Geto Suguru and Ieiri Shoko were his best friends, the closest thing to real family. It wasn't like he didn't have any, at least not while growing up, but were they really family when all they ever did was train him and treat him like the eighth wonder of the world? Unlike everyone else, at least Suguru and Shoko treated him like a human. They loved him for who he was, but didn't hesitate to snap him into place when his ego was too inflated. They were there for him, even when expressing whatever demons that he held within him was hard to manage. If it wasn't for them, he wasn't sure exactly how he'd go about his life. Sure, he'd act like everything was fine and dandy, money could buy him happiness as he had plenty of it... and he was pretty much unstoppable, but the idea of living a life without either of them didn't sit well in his stomach.
So, sure, Satoru did now aĀ bitĀ about love, at least the love he felt for his best friends, but nothing like what he felt inĀ thisĀ moment. The moment his eyes first fell on you.
He hadn't a clue as to who you were, only seeing you stroll along the grounds of Jujutsu High with your little uniform. The typical jacket, a skirt beneath, knee high socks, loafers... and your hair in a low ponytail that was held together by an overly large ribbon. Cute was the first thing that came to mind, along with the terrifying sound of his racing heart. Who were you? How come he had never seen you before? Maybe it was because he didn't pay attention to any one else besides a handful of people. He'd be lying if he said he was sure the technical college held more than five students.Ā
In the midst of sipping away at his little box of strawberry milk, walking alongside Suguru and Shoko, Satoru's eyes had aimlessly wandered along his environment as his two best friends had been discussing evening plans. It wasn't like him to care about what was going on around him, so it was quite the miracle that his eyes were looking anywhere but ahead of him... but, maybe this was destiny.
It felt like the world was suddenly moving slowly around him, rather dramatically like a movie. His lips parted as the tiny straw fell out of it, hidden gaze behind his circular frames becoming exposed as the glasses slid down the bridge of his nose. You looked so graceful, the afternoon sun beaming down on you, your smile as bright as his eyes... he had to have been in love. ThisĀ hadĀ to have been love. What else could it have been? Why else was his heart fluttering so quickly? Why else was he caught in a daze by your beauty? No one else, not a single soul, ever caught his attention this way so you must've been his soulmate.
There was something about you, from your gorgeous hair, to the cute bow, down to the uniform and the way it suited your form to the way you...Ā wait, were you laughing with... Nanami Kento? Gojo's heart stopped as his grip on the milk grew tight, causing the contents to squeeze right out and squirt all over his face.
The sound of laughter caught his attention as he quickly looked at his two best friends, embarrassment filling his face as he looked back at you to see you now looking in his direction. Quickly wiping his face and turning away to scold his best friends, Gojo tossed the now empty carton at Geto. "Shut up!"
"What the hell did you do?" Suguru shook his head, wiping his tears as his shoulders shook with every laugh that rumbled throughout his torso. "Losing your cool over a girl, huh?"
"I said shut up!" Satoru snapped, cheeks burning with heat, embarrassed that he was that obvious.
"Must've struck something in him for him to spill milk all over his face like the doofus he is," Shoko snickered as Suguru went for a high five.
Swatting their hands and glaring at the two, Gojo hissed, "nothing happened, I squeezed too hard."
"Right," the two said in sync before eyeing one another, smirking and stifling a laugh.
Shoving past them as he kept walking ahead, grumbling to himself, Gojo couldn't help but peak over in your direction. You had already turned your attention back to the two on either side of youāNanami along with Yu Haibara. Since when did they have a friend that was a girl? And when didĀ youĀ appear? He should've known seeing as both were his junior and both trained quite close to Suguru and himself. So you must've been new... He supposed he'd find more out about you, knowing he'd find a way to get under Nanami's skin and get anything out of him. He must've known a lot about you...
Gojo smirked to himself. He'd get his way.
"No," Nanami spoke as he crossed his arms. The confidence in Gojo's face instantly fading away. He didn't even hesitate, cancelling his plans with his best friends to bribe Kento into giving him some information. He swore taking his junior to his favorite bakery would help him out, but, no! Kento, being the wise boy he was, took advantage of Satoru paying for food in a false exchange for information. "I'm not going to be your middle man."
"Why not?!" Gojo whined, throwing himself back in his seat dramatically. "Just one thing! Something! Anything! She's the love of my life!"
Narrowing his eyes as he sipped away at his water, Nanami settled the glass down before crossing his arms once again. "Love of your life? You don't even know her nameā"
"Because you won't tell me!" Gojo cried, throwing his head back and stomping his foot as if he was about to throw a tantrum. "Please, please! I beg of you, tell me something about her! Besides her name, what's her favorite color? Maybe her favorite food? Or... or what's her favorite date spot!"
"Satoru, I am not about to ask her what her favorite date spot is," Nanami deadpanned. "I'll give you her name and that's all. Everything else is on you. I'm not going to play matchmaker, let alone, set you up with someone so far out of your league."
Gasping in offense, Gojo clutched his chest. "Out of my league? Sure, she's a pure angel, a real heavenly being, but I like to think I am, too!"
"Egotistical..." Kento mumbled as Gojo frowned. "I'm only telling you one thing to get you off my back. You can't ask me anything ever again in order to get close to her. That's on you."
Pressing his hands together and interlocking his fingers, Gojo gave his best puppy eyes as he jutted out his bottom lip. "Please, I promise to leave you be after!"
"YouĀ better," the blond man grumbled before giving his senior your name. "She likes to sit under the cherry blossoms on the eastern side of the campus. If you want to find her and talk to her, she's usually there on her down time." At that, Nanami stood up and tucked his seat back into the table. Just as he was about to leave, he stopped in his tracks, turning to face the white haired young man. "All I ask of you is to be... gentle. She's a nice girl. I don't need you breaking her heart."
Sitting up with confidence as a wide grin took over his face, Satoru nodded with his thumbs up. "Believe me, I wont! I know this is love!" Seeing Nanami roll his eyes before leaving, Gojo happily sighed before looking out the window. Leaning his chin in the palm of his hand, he eyed the cherry blossom that had petals delicately swaying in the wind. "She's my soulmate, I know we are destined to be."
#haruno writes;#satoru gojo x you#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#gojo fluff#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#reader insert#fem reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n
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okay, I definitely don't know exactly what I'm thinking but I'm going to try. I guess it comes down to the fact that luke is constantly (still, after 13 years) being objectified in like, a we-own-you kind of way. Not deliberately for everyone involved in even mildly perpetuating it, but it is to 5sos culture the way that rape culture is to society in general: it's persistent, it sneaks in in what we consider to be societal or fandom norms. It shapes our opinions and our worldviews and it's like how you can't ask a fish how the water is: the water just is, the fish doesn't know anything else. It's not anyone's fault per se but god we have to do better.
and the thing about 'babygirl' specifically is that, you know who else gets treated this way by society as a whole? 1) young people, and 2) women, girls, anyone in the broad category that is seen as opposite to 'men'. opposite to the people who do the owning and the objectifying and it's a patriarchal problem with its tendrils reaching worldwide. these are the two groups of people that if you are in, you don't have any power. so on the surface it looks harmless, cute even, to call a grown man babygirl. internet terminology is weird; people just say things that aren't quite words and they catch on when you understand the sentiment behind them. we call heaps of men babygirl. sometimes i see people call ashton babygirl. it's one of the things that seems innocent and quirky, at least to start with.
but it's only innocent when you're punching upwards, taking the people who have all the power and levelling the playing field, so to speak. but the thing is, it's not quite so simple as 'oh look a rich white privileged man' when said white man was a child star (and at this point, hopefully we know how people treat child stars consistently, we've seen it play out again and again in different ways, from the carter family to britney to everyone caught up in the 1d/5sos wave to whoever the teen stars are today, and I don't need to explain it) who grew up in the bush, brought up to be kind and hardworking and go the extra mile for people because no parent in rural nsw actually expects their kid to have to navigate asserting themselves in the music industry before turning 18. I'm not saying it was all awful or his parents didn't do a great job. but I am saying that being a white man doesn't exclude luke from living a recipe for exploitation for being pretty and cute and young and talented, so many adjectives we often associate with girls. a marketable stereotype designed to be fuckable and agreeable and never get angry. babygirl.
I could go into some theories I have as to why: but the same thing in a weird genderbent way often seems to apply to luke. people want to own him because he's all of those things; they don't, sometimes the bitterness about that turns into some culturally normalised trend of coming up with an imaginary version of him. but it's more than that, more than being the heartthrob frontman of the band, and comes down to chance as well. he happens to be the youngest of the band; the others are extremely protective of him (and for good reason, i'm also certain the feeling is mutual just not expressed completely the same, but people see what fits the categories in their heads), and he does challenge the gender binary as part of his self-expression (which is a neutral thing, it should always be a neutral thing, there should never be a shift in power between what's deemed masculine and feminine, but there is and this is a prime example of the impacts gender inequality has). we've seen him going from wishing he could express himself in a more gnc way to actually doing it. people caught on early. and of course, most fans mean well but there's always a vulnerability to laying down the masculine for something more feminine even partially. it's baked into the same culture that came up with terms like 'babygirl'.
he also gives off this vibe, probably a youngest child thing too, or having seen him in the public eye from such a young age, looking uncomfortable a good portion of the time, that kind of elicits a we-want-to-care-for-and-protect-you response. and I think what's dangerous about that is that you don't ever think that caring about someone could be at all related to taking their power away. but it can be, especially if you're unable to express that protectiveness in the form of actual conversation (which for a fandom this size, is impossible) and so it kind of sits there unexpressed, without any of us ever hearing in a personal conversation exactly how luke thinks and having the chance to negotiate, what is a better way to treat you? do you feel like we're treating you as a child even though you're 28 and married and a self-made millionaire and an expert at towing the line of vulnerable enough to be so much more human and relatable than most people on this planet while valuing privacy and personal goals and also more than capable of having children of your own too?
all this combined, you have the ingredients for this babygirl fansona (is that a word?) constructed without the guidance of the very man we are perceiving through this lens--even when you can interact with people in person it's very hard to actually change their perception of you. we get crumbs, like the fact that he likes to feel pretty to help with his confidence on stage, like bits of how he's grappled with growing up in the public eye and the ways in which being far ahead of your age in some ways always results in feeling behind in others. these then just feed into 'how babygirl of him' because we don't see the other bits, the ugly bits everyone has that no one has any obligation to share with the world. we hear him talking about mental health but we don't get to witness every minute of his life that led to the things he's talked about, it's very uwu-ified, it's easy for people to take things at face value and the fact that he's someone who tries so hard not to ever abuse positions of power he's in, and then strip his masculinity that still exists even if he's not always masculine, because we still associate masculinity with abuses of power, and then put him in a pretty box that was conceptually given to us for young women, but luke, the most (and therefore some sort of token pretty boy) out of all the band members, is close enough.
finally I want to touch on another trend that could be an essay on its own (it won't be an essay of its own with luke as an example though, out of respect I don't want to dive in too deeply, though I don't think I can respectfully not mention it either). people have a tendency to infantilise neurodivergent people, or anyone who seems vaguely neurodivergent, which is something that people do subconsciously pick up (hence why it's so important to have a name for it if that's you, because people will supplement it with descriptors that are often derogatory, babygirl might not quite be in that category but it still implies a loss of power as I've talked about). People also have a tendency to feminise neurodivergent boys and men in an outright derogatory way: anyone who doesn't like rough sport or who wears makeup or dares to have any kind of feelings. which includes neurotypicals, of course, but when you're neurodivergent it's often a step further; given; unescapable. and this is why I think that something most people think is innocent can become a cherry on top of a stack of other seemingly unrelated things, why it fills me with rage too. every time over the last 13 years luke has done something like get distracted or lose something or be a little bit socially awkward he gets infantilised. every time he gets scared it's 'poor babygirl' or something to that effect. once is cute. after a few hundred times it only erodes his ability to self-actualise and take control of his own narrative, his own gender expression and everything he shares, in a patriarchal, neuronormative world.
and so if you've read this far, I don't want to say you're bad if you've ever referred to luke as babygirl. you're not. but hopefully you've gotten to have a think and start to question, what does this term I use in pop culture actually mean? could it be insulting someone? is it affecting how I view someone and do I need to listen to them a little bit more open-mindedly?
also, hopefully it's okay to say this since luke has started talking about it a little but as myself, someone with adhd, i do also ask that you go and listen to more neurodivergent folk and figure out how to treat us with actual respect. please listen to people all across the gender spectrums too about their experiences with masculinity and femininity and the kinds of experiences that they've specifically gotten when they haven't fit nicely into a binary, however they end up identifying in the end (and as for luke, please don't assume anything about him in that vein. ever. there is one person who gets to decide that and it is luke) and what kind of things they might find offensive and why. this isn't you-have-to-know-everything-at-once but rather a call of, hey, there's a lot of diversity out there and the more diverse experiences you learn to empathise with, the more understanding you're gonna be as a person.
i have so so so many thoughts and feelings about the way this fandom constantly refers to luke as babygirl without taking one single second to think about why maybe it's a problematic thing to do to luke specifically but i lack the ability to organize those thoughts and feelings into anything coherent and concise. can someone else please read my mind and do it for me.
#gosh this is so extremely long i am sorry#but also not#didn't realise how much i had to say#luke hemmings#babygirl#5sos#5 seconds of summer#gender#patriarchy#<-i just learned how to spell that word#neurodivergent liberation#celebrities are people#and please please take better care of child stars too#anyway molly idk if this is anything like what you were thinking but these are my thoughts so (pls lmk)#also people in the fandom reading this; I know many of you will relate to certain points too and it's for our sake as well we talk abt this#rather than just letting internet trends roll through without ever thinking if they're harmful#and also!! wanted to add i liked the tags someone else added about how his gender expression makes people uncomfortable#wanting him to 'pick a side' or any of the other awful things they say to anyone who doesn't support the gender binary#but instead does completely their own thing. but i'm not gonna discuss luke's gender identity more than what he gives us#which isn't much and people so badly need to be okay with that. okay with him exactly as he is. whatever labels he does/doesn't use#also fyi the neurodivergence stuff he's talked about having ADD (inattentive adhd) in recent interviews; only touched on it but#the point still remains though if you're neurodivergent you get infantilised (this also needs to stop)#this is not concise at all but i had a lot of ground to cover. if anyone can think of a way to summarise this i'm kissing you on the lips#(as long as you're at least over 18 that is)#cw transphobia#unfortunately you don't even have to be trans to experience it
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