#also plenty of seeds and stuff

[theshadowrealmitself]

Current hyper specific plotline in my head:

Specific brand of equipment that everyone in a specific field bought because it was “top of the line” turns out to be faulty and all end up causing fires of varying sizes

Because of the fires, all these people who work with this specific plant have lost theirs, and now everyone thinks the plant is extinct

After a little bit of time has passed, one character (a Vulcan) remembers their Human friend, who also owns a plant of that species, declining to get that equipment from that brand because of a “gut feeling”

They know this friend loses track of time easily and can go months without speaking to another person because they don’t realize how long it’s been, so it’s likely their Human friend has no idea that all these fires even happened and it’s very likely that their plant is still in perfect health

So they go over for a visit and find out that not only is their plant still perfectly healthy, but they also have other healthy plants of the same species that they have no problem sharing with their friend

The Vulcan is so overwhelmed that this specific (Vulcan) plant isn’t actually extinct and that their friend gave them some without a second thought that they actually hug them…which causes a loud cracking noise and their friend being like “Vulcan affection is dangerous”

But hey, they’re gonna accept their friend’s affection as long as they’re willing to give it, so they just hug them back tightly and ignore the fact that it feels like they can’t breathe

(Also that Vulcan is never gonna badmouth “gut feelings” again)

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt how much I love oni's writing again... In particular, "a seed is planted" continues to be one of if not my favorite logs because despite the troubling details and implications that come with it, it's the one thing in the entirety of the decaying corpse of gravitas that genuinely leaves us with a grain of hope (a seed if you will) and makes oni as a whole a lot more bitter sweet as while earth may not have survived, the dupes did, and after their horrible origins and the shit that many of them went through, in due time they'll finally get to just live, they're free now, and even if Olivia's sleep is end of a tragedy, the world will keep moving forward with or without those who've been lost

[notyourhetloki]

Can I request Wade and Logan/reader breeding kink? 👉👈 both of them too excited about it and competitive? (Can you make reader gender neutral (he/him or they/them or trans ftm (he/him), you can use any terms for genitals and stuff it's ok)

into it (Logan x Reader x Wade)

Reader: he/him (ftm)

/NSFW Logan x Reader x Wade/

A/N: Fuuck I had so much fun writing this, anon! It's a bit short but it's pure porn so I hope you still end up satisfied lol (also sorry about the random gif, I couldn't find a more suiting one lmao). Anyway, hope you like it! xoxo

Tags: ftm reader (reader has a vagina), breeding kink, creampie, they both fuck you, Wade being a fucking joke, Logan is not having it, piv sex (unprotected), porn without plot.

Word Count: 908

—

As soon as you walked through the front door, they were all up in your personal space. Wade and Logan promptly started to take your clothes off, not exactly caring about being gentle.

"Boys! Calm down, there's plenty of me for the both of you!" You tried appeasing, but to no avail.

"And yet is nearly not enough." Groaned Logan, ripping your underwear off with his bare hands. You gasped as his fingers immediately found your sex, rubbing your clit while Wade kissed your neck.

"Sorry about that, doll. We'll buy you another one." Wade whispered into your ear, taking you by the hand and convincing Logan to continue things in the bedroom.

You were basically thrown onto the bed, naked and vulnerable and super turned on. You could already see their hard bulges before they started to take their own clothes off.

"On all fours for us." Ordered Logan, and you gladly obliged. "Attaboy..."

After all their clothes were out, Logan started positioning himself behind you until you heard Wade complain.

"Wait a minute, mutton chops! Why do you think you get to go first?" Wade pointed out.

"Because I can and I will." Logan retorted impatiently, giving your ass a light squeeze.

"Nuh-uh! That ain't fair! I propose a rock-paper-scissors to sort things out, nothing fairer than that." Said Wade holding a closed fist out.

"Fucking hell, fine!" Logan agreed and quickly started the game. They finished the round and Logan played scissors, while Wade played paper.

"Best out of three?" Begged Wade, but the other man didn't care for it.

"Fuck off." Logan pushed Wade aside and started positioning himself again, putting the tip of his cock at your entrance.

You were really wet, so it didn't hurt when he slammed into you. You were full, stuffed to the brim, and you thought it couldn't get any better than that... until Logan began thrusting into you, hitting a sweet spot inside that made you cry out in pleasure.

"Let us hear those sweet sounds you make, boy." Logan said while fucking you. He breathed loudly, grunting and grabbing you at the hips with enough force to bruise. The sounds you made together were obscene, and that turned Wade on even more.

"Gosh... fuck him silly, Wolvie." Wade was jacking himself off, looking closely at Logan's dick in and out of you. "Cum inside him..."

Logan groaned again, more urgent than before. A sudden thought took over him, and he needed to let it out. "I'm gonna breed you, (y/n). I'm gonna fill you up so good... fuck, fill you up with my seed."

"Goddamn!" Said a surprised Wade, not expecting the other man to be so earnest. "That's so fucking dirty... I love it."

"Ah, yes! Please..." You moaned, feeling energy and heat through your whole body. You were being used by him, your body only an object... it turned you on so damn much.

Logan's thrusts began to get even more rough, he was fucking you hard and the sounds he made were animalistic. Soon he turned erratic, his hips faltering in the rhythm he had set. You knew he was close.

He came with a loud grunt, holding you for dear life. Breathing deeply through his gritted teeth, Logan recovered and slowly took his member out of you. A bit of cum dripped from your entrance, and Wade observed everything with a delighted expression.

"I bet I can cum even more in his pussy..." He whispered mostly to himself, but you both heard him.

"You wanna bet, bub?" Said Logan with a satisfied smile on his face. What doesn't a good fuck does to one man's humor?

"Hell yeah, peanut." Wade soon replaced the other man's position and unlike Logan, asked for your approval. "You alright, gorgeous?"

"Y-Yeah... please, give it to me." You moaned as you felt his cock entering you, stuffing you up again.

Wade was a bit gentler with his hands, grabbing you thoughtfully at the places you weren't bruised. But his rhythm... he was still a beast.

"Fuuuck, you feel so good, pretty boy." He moaned, not stopping for a second.

"Hmm, Wade... Logan... ah!" You couldn't stop making noises and calling out for them, dumb with the feeling of being full.

"Good job, sugar... you're being so good for us." Said Logan while standing beside you, watching as Wade pounded into you with great enthusiasm.

"Shit, I'm close... I'll cum inside your pretty cunt, (y/n)." Wade gripped you even harder and finally slammed his hips into you, his climax followed by a deep moan.

He took a few breaths and slowly came back to earth, removing himself from you with a pop. Even more cum oozed from inside you, a beautiful and sexy sight for the both of them.

"As my partner here mentioned earlier... consider yourself 'bred'." Wade taunted, giving a final slap on your ass and retreating himself to put an arm over Logan's shoulder. "Sooo... about that bet, what is my prize?"

You laughed as you laid on your back to watch them both, exhausted but completely satisfied.

Logan suddenly grabbed Wade by his balls, looking him in the eyes. "You get to keep all of your blood inside your body today, sounds good?"

Wade responded in a higher octave, nodding his head and still holding Logan's shoulders. "Ouchie! So rough!" Logan let him go, but Wade only got closer. "You're lucky I'm into it."

—

[esoteric-chaos]

Spring Equinox Masterpost- Spoonie Witch Friendly

Art Credit: Anastasia Catris

The Spring Equinox, also called the Vernal Equinox or Ostara, is usually celebrated between the 21st of March in the Northern Hemisphere (In the Southern Hemisphere around September 20th or 21st)

In 2024, Ostara and the Spring Equinox land in the Northern Hemisphere on Monday, March 19th.

The Spring Equinox celebrates the arrival of spring. Celebrating balance, growth, and new beginnings as Winter has finally ended.

Spring Equinox Correspondances

Colours

Light Green

Lavender

Sunny Yellow

Light Blue

Pastel Pink

White

Herbal

Lemongrass

Daffodils

Tulips

Violets

Apple Tree

Cherry Blossom

Primrose

Birch tree

Hyacinths

Dandelion

Garlic

Ash tree

Jasmine

Edibles

Honey

Salad greens

Spring veggies

Fresh berries

Mead

Herbs

Eggs

Seeds

Bread

Edible flowers

Quiches

Custards

Maple

Animals

Hares

Baby Chicks

Snakes

Robins

Bees

Butterflies

Phoenix

Ram

Crystals

Fluorite

Moonstone

Silver

Aquamarine

Clear Quartz

Amazonite

Symbols

Bonfires

Flowers

Rabbits

Eggs

Seeds

Baskets

Flowering or Tree Buds

Lambs

Birds

Spiritual meanings

Purification

Cleansing (removal of stagnant energy)

Growth

Transition

Motivation

Balance

Birth

Good fortune

Kindness

Joy

Fertility

Scents

Coconut

Citrus

Floral scents (rose, lilac, jasmine, etc)

Herbal scents (rosemary, basil, mint, etc)

Gods / Goddesses / Spirits

Eostre –  (Anglo-Saxon)

Aphrodite - (Greek)

Gaia - (Celtic)

Gaea - (Greek)

Venus - (Roman)

Athena - (Greek)

Aurora - (Roman)

Eos - (Greek)

Isis – (Egyptian)

Freya - (Norse) 

Persephone - (greek)

Cybele - (Roman)

The Green Man - (Celtic)

Odin – (Norse) 

Osiris – (Egyptian)

Pan – (Greek)

Thoth – (Egyptian)

Adonis – (Greek)

Apollon –  (Greek)

Apollo - (Roman)

Need some suggestions to celebrate? I've got you covered.

High energy celebrations and ritual

Deep cleaning of the hearth and home

Nature hikes

Visiting farmers markets

Making preserves

Create a fae garden

Create a seasonal altar

Abundance/Prosperity ritual

New beginnings ritual

Low energy celebrations 

Wear pastels

Create flower crowns

Light a candle with scent correspondence

No spoon celebrations 

Opening a window

Journaling Prompts

Keeping hydrated

Drink floral tea

Rest

How you celebrate the holiday does not matter. You can choose to do any activity that feels right. These are only suggestions and remember that you're enough no matter what.

Also please note some stuff is UPG. A great book is Year of the Witch by Temperance Alden for honouring the celebrations and if you wanted to work more seasonally. It's not Wiccan-based and has plenty of resources for every witch.

Feel free to post how you celebrate in the comments or reblogs!

Want to see more of my posts? Check out my Wheel of the Year Masterpost or my Main Masterpost.

[cathedral-of-sinners]

I humbly request a Tighnari NSFW alphabet please whenever you're free and if you're willing to dear author!

Tighnari, Tighnari, Tighnari, Ti-

For him, I'm always willing <3 (being free and having motivation was a different story though lol)

CW: gn!reader (no pronouns/genitalia mentioned), reader can be either sub/dom and top/bottom depending on the letter, creampie (C)

— Tighnari: Full Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He's deliciously buzzed, so high on cloud nine that he doesn't want to come down. His head will drop to rest on your shoulder or in the crook of your neck, trying desperately to inhale as much of your scent as possible. You’ll even catch his tail flicking gently like a happy puppy’s would, something you can't ever bring up outside of the moment or else he'll never recover (not to mention the teasing Cyno would bring if he ever somehow heard of this habit lmao). Once he's collected himself though he grows insanely soft, ears relaxing as he places a kiss on your forehead, asking if anything hurts or if you want anything. Food, some water, medicine or a warm/cool cloth, he had it all set up on the nightstand before you started and reaches for what he needs before curling up beside you, tail wrapping around you in some way.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of their partners)

Your shoulders and arms! Adores when you wrap your arms around him both in and out of the bedroom, their presence something he simply really enjoys. Loves when he can bury his nose in your shoulders too, careful though, he's a biter ;)

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

Addicted to cumming inside or on your stomach. The way his seed dribbles and dots your skin makes his head swirl - as for inside? He could pass out from how good it feels to stuff you full <3

D = Dirty Secret

Has very big thoughts and feelings about teasing you all day with a toy. Wants you to roam the forest or into the city as he stays and does some paperwork in his home, the knowledge that you're no doubt struggling to keep it together until you get back at the forefront of his mind. By the time you get home he can smell the arousal dripping from you as he turns and smirks. Don't worry, he rewards generously to well behaved individuals :)

E = Experience (How experienced are they?) 

Honestly could see him as both a virgin and not. Like, there's the idea that he's not interested in sex at all during his studies and then when he became a Forest Watcher there was both no time and no one that piqued his interest. But then I think he could also be the kind to have a one-night type thing once or twice while he was in school. He’s an I do want when I want kinda guy in some ways after all.

THEN AGAIN!! Fennec foxes mate for life sooooo, there’s that… but other than that he’s had plenty of moments when the topic came up in his research or conversations he’s overheard (both willing and unwillingly), therefore he’s really only lacking in the practice aspect.

F = Favourite Position

Lotus!! This is mainly because of how close the position makes you both, chests pressed up against one another, every breathe felt and every noise of pleasure heard. Plus, like mentioned before, it lets Tighnari rest his head on the crook of your neck, drowning him in everything that is you.

A close second is doggy style.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

He’s sassy no matter where he is (man has no fear honestly) so I’m damn certain he’ll unintentionally (or even intentionally) be funny during the moment. For the most part though he’s pretty serious.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) 

*chef's kiss* he is very well-groomed. Tighnari takes extremely good care of both his ears and fluffy tail, so it’s only right he takes equal care down below. Firm believer that his pubes are the same shade as his tail and not a mix like his hair or solid black. Pretty clean shaven, the thinnest of bushes present.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

He can be very romantic when he wants to be!! Holds your hand, kisses you all across the face, down your neck, across your chest, he’ll whisper praise and compliments in your ear, all the things like that!

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t jerk off much simply because he doesn’t feel the need to. The only times he would are if you’re not available (like out of town unavailable) or if he’s in a rut and you’re just taking too long to come home :((

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Marking: He's a bitter like I said but Tighnari also likes to admire the scratches left on both of you after an intense round. Really likes to trace them with his eyes as you both cuddle or as he takes care of them.

Breeding: I’m totally not adding this because of his fennec fix urges lmao (I am a little), but it doesn’t matter what you got downstairs, your hole will be stuffed with his cum to the point of overflowing.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Tighnari isn't picky about where you do it but he favors the bedroom slightly above the rest. It's just far more comfortable and there's less of a chance of being interrupted by a patrolling Forest Ranger or some random hiker

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Let him drown in your scent and he's yours. Also, he’s really sensitive when you kiss or drag your tongue over his Adam’s Apple ;)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

He likes the risk but he's not stupid enough to risk your safety. He likes to play around with strange mushrooms and flowers but if he doesn't know everything about them - effects, antidotes, the like - then he's not bringing it around you. (But that’s honestly what any good lover would do).

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Honestly??? He’s got no preference. However, there is one pro when it comes to sucking him off: you get to see his ears cutely twitch.

A natural when he goes down on you. It’s partially due to his boldness and lack of hesitation. With minimal kitten licks, he dives right in like he might die if he doesn’t get a taste of you right that second. Bonus points when he looks up at you through his lashes too - it's really a sight to behold.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He's honestly a mixed bag, he can go either way most days. It also depends on the circumstances: did you tease him? How much time do you both have on your hands? What are your preferences in the moment? As a default though he leans slightly more on the fast side.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

"Really? Now? Right before I'm suppose to leave for patrol?" He'll act like it's an inconvenience but really he doesn't mind. If either you or he are feeling needy before one of you have to leave or are expecting company he's not opposed to busting out a quick round. Just to satisfy you both until later where you have all night to play.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Again, dude's got no fear. Can and will fuck anywhere he wants (with your consent of course). Forest? Hell yeah. In the Akademiya? Oh how it’d piss the higher-ups off! Tighnari also doesn’t mind introducing new things he thinks you might like or something he wants to try, always opening up with “there’s something I’d like to try, if you’d let me?”.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last)

Tighnari in heat can go for what feels like forever even though it’s really only a mighty 7 or 8 rounds. When he’s not in heat however, the Forest Watcher averages about three. He’s always able to take some time before orgasming.

T=Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

KINKY TIGHNARI 🥵😫 (I thought it once and I’m never going to let it go, it’s permanently stuck in my head)

Owns every fucking toy under the sun (exaggeration but damn close to the truth). Loves using them and doesn’t mind bringing them into the bedroom with you either. For himself, has a favourite combo between a dildo and a cock ring (vibrating or not doesn’t matter to him). He just fucking loves bouncing on it, hitting that one sweet spot with the added stimulation from the ring.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Nodding my head vigorously. He so loves to tease you. “What? Did you really think I was going to touch you? Just like that? You’ve got me all wrong.”

Fucking loves teasing your nipples too. No explanation, it is what it is.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

If you manage to catch him off guard he’ll moan really loudly and slutty before growing red at the lewd sound ;) Tighnari whines and whimpers more than he does moan. He’s usually not too load but when he gets lost in pleasure, drunk on you, he can get pretty loud that people passing by will hear it

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Enjoys seeing you in lingerie and would die a happy fox if you surprised him in a black set, body draped along his bed as you await for him to unwrap his unexpected gift.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Average length, ‘bout 5 to 5 and a half inches. Definitely has a little more girth to it though. Has a prominent vein that travels along the side of his dick. Is a grower.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not overly high, like it’s there but its also not. Before meeting you and before things in Sumeru calmed down there was just so much to do. Withering Zones, Elezar, the Akademiya constantly bothering him, the list goes on. The only time it's high is during the season *wink wink*

Z = ZZZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

After catching his breath, going through the motions of caring for you both and finally laying down, Tighnari is asleep after 10 to 20 minutes, provided there’s minimal post-sex talk. He doesn’t mind chatting so if you do then he’s out after about 45 minutes.

Tag list: Not a Soul

If you'd liked to be tagged in any future works lmk via comment, DM or my askbox!

[thebadchoicemachine]

Jonah raised Jon AU

Can't get this AU out of my head where Jon was adopted and raised by James Write and then later taken under the care of Elias Bouchard, as per his father’s will.

1.) He's raised to be the perfect eye avatar and Knows plenty pretty quickly—even the stuff “Elais” never told him. He's helping Elias search for the perfect avatars to be part of their ritual (if only because it’s what been ingrained in his head since he was 8. It’s no different than studying for college to him. It’s simply something he, as an Avatar, does.)

2.) One day, when he’s just turned 18, he runs into a few people hanging out at a cafe. Or, more accurately, a person ran into him. With a bike.

3.) (Martin didn’t mean to hurt Jon. He saw a hot regal-looking guy outside a cafe and started daydreaming about a meet cute and then… oops. He’s not sure how it even happened, it was like something yanked the handlebars of his bike)

4.) While Jon and Martin are laying on the ground—Martin apologizing like his bloody life depends on it and Jon cussing him out, wondering why he didn't See this this coming—two baristas come out to help.

5.) Tim and Sasha burst out the front door, clambering to get a break from work help with the commotion outside the shop.

6.) After more outrage from a (much more entitled) Jon, Tim ends up calming everyone down with his charm and some pastries. They end up talking after Jon gathers his composure and demure. He finds the three intriguing and resolves to be friendly with them, even if only as an act to dig into their minds.

He ends up having a surprisingly good time, though.

7.) Also, Tim hits on everyone a bunch because you cannot escape polyarchives even here, though he's mostly joking.

8.) That evening Jon returns home with some news for his father. He explains the three people he met and how he was drawn to them… as possible avatars to be used.

Martin was the strongest, tormented by the Lonely and with a fierce potential for the Web. Jon could tell that, as sincere as he was trying to be, Martin was manipulating the converversation to paint himself as far more pathetic than he was. He wanted Jon to pity him. For what purpose? Seemingly nothing more sinister than wanting a connection of some kind. He was good at it too; if Jon didn't Know it, he'd never have guessed.

Tim had a deep-seated hatred of the stranger, though he didn't know what it was, making the connection rather vague. He hid it well, but there was a hunger in him for revenge and a willingness for violence. It wasn't purposeless or self-indulgent like the Desolation would feed from, but there was a seed to work with.

Sasha was the least interesting Avatar-wise. She was hard to read, which could be a sign of the Dark or Stranger, but she also had a drive about her that could feed the Hunt quite nicely if driven to extreams.

9.) Elias nods, thanks him for his reconnaissance, and lets him go to bed.

10.) Jon tries to sleep but lays awake that night, thinking about his first genuine interaction with people since he was eight. He was extremely sheltered living with his father, both bodies, and his interactions were limited to small talk and supernatural beings. Despite doing it for his father’s mission, he found that talking with them to be oddly freeing and even a little fun. “Elias Bouchard” was technically his gaurdien, not his father, and he was 18 now. He could argue for more freedom. Barring that, he was getting strong enough that Elias couldn't read him anymore, and he could tell when he was. Maybe, after a decade of being under All Knowing observation 24/7, he could allow himself another attempt at rebellion.

More of this AU under #Jonah raised Jon AU

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

A random thought, during the Mr. Qi's Crop Challenge (you know the one were you have to plant and shipped 500 Qi Beans) how will the SDV/SVE Bachelors gonna react to their lover (the Farmer) planting this weird looking crop that looks like a blueberry with sunglasses across the farm fields. 😂

Ah, Qi beans... Probably my least favourite quest, because spending a whole month growing this stuff, and also getting these fucking beans instead of cool gifts in chests or fish.... Ugh. Oh well, sorry for that 😅

Even though this fruit is annoying to me, the ask itself regarding the reactions of others to it is pretty funny, hee hee. Thanks for the ask, and enjoy! 🫰💖

_________________________________________

SDV/SVE bachelors react to the Qi fruit:

"Looks creepy..... And cool, by the way. What did you do to make them grow like that?" Sebastian's spouse is a virtuoso at growing all sorts of unusual crops, and he thinks it's a mega cool ability. Just a week ago they ate a salad made from an 'ancient fruit', and the day before yesterday they cut up a giant mushroom crop that was the size of a large pumpkin (even though Sebby's doesn't like shrooms, it was still cool!). Now it's the weird fruit with sunglasses. He wonder what unusual plant Farmer will grow tomorrow...

"Oh, I know! Are those fruits and vegetables that grow in different shapes?" Sam recently watched a video about gardeners who grow square watermelons or tomatoes in the shape of hearts using plastic moulds. So the guitarist reckoned his spouse had decided to join the trend too. A strange choice, yeah, but hey - bonus for cool sunglasses! And what does this 'Qi' fruit taste like? Looks like a giant blue melon, Sammy wouldn't mind a tasty snack. Anyway, he doesn't know much about gardening himself, so he'll leave that to Farmer.

"Did you buy sunglasses for every fruit you grow or what?" And tell us, dear Alex - why would your beloved Farmer do that? These things maybe look like sunglasses, but are hardly sunglasses. But who knows? It's definitely an unfamiliar fruit for an athlete, especially compared to what his grandmother Evelyn used to grow in the community garden all the time. But if it's edible and full of vitamins (no), then Alex doesn't really care about the look of the Qi fruit. "Hey, even if this tastes awful, we'll have plenty of pairs of sunglasses!"

"That's some ugly ass fruit right here. Do people really eat that stuff now?" Truth be told, while working at JojaMart, Shane had managed to see stranger products labelled as 'novelty'. This applied not only to obscure sauces and snacks of dubious origin, but also to fruits and vegetables. The blue colour of the "Qi" fruit Farmer grew generally gave Shane the idea that his spouse had purchased the seeds just from Joja.co. It looked strange, but Shane didn't even mind tasting it. If it's edible at all. This fruit certainly doesn't get any worse than Joja's 'special' sauce for nachos, of that he's sure.

"Honey, are you sure it's safe to eat?" Every time another crop of obscure origin ripens on the farm, Harvey's heart begins to pound with worry. What if it's poisonous? What if it's not handled properly and you could get food poisoning? Why is it such a strange shape? "Farmer, please..." The poor doctor goes through all the books on vegetables, fruits and berries, hoping to find some information about this Qi fruit and whether it's okay to eat it (spoiler - to no avail). Either it's another "healthy" product from Joja or something else. Either way, Harvey will be sceptical, to say the least.

"...If I understand correctly, my soul, this is our dinner for today?" Elliott could have sworn the fruit had just winked at him! The writer had heard that some farmers and gardeners deliberately grow their crops in a variety of shapes to make them look extravagant and sell them for more money, but... Of all the shapes, his spouse chose the face... But maybe that's the kind of crop that's in high demand on market right now. Elliott hoped that if they were to bake strudel with this 'Qi' fruit today, it would taste better than it looked. Also... sunglasses?

"Hmm, I wonder... Where exactly did you get those seeds, my love?" It is not appropriate for Lance to judge the strange crop that Farmer has grown, when the adventurer himself has a monster crop ripening in a corner on the farm, with an appearance similar to a huge eyeball. Nevertheless, this strange fruit arouses a share of suspicion in the pink-haired man. Something is not right here.... If his dear spouse doesn't mind, Lance would also like to take a look at this fruit, for he is very curious to know if this crop has any magical properties. Or anything that might threaten him or Farmer.

"This... thing is unnatural. What in the name of all spirits did you grow this abomination from?" Magnus's whole gut screams that this is not just a fruit, but the spawn of a dangerous mage or witch. Thin threads of dark magic emanate from this fruit, and the wizard certainly doesn't like Farmer being in contact with that magic. "Eat it? Absolutely not! And is it even edible?" A worried Magnus questions his spouse about who gave them these seeds and why. Hearing the name 'Qi', he sighs heavily. Mr. Qi. Of course... This name definitely promises a lot of chaos for everyone.

"Erm... That's wonderful, darling! You've managed to grow this, um... What's it called again?" Victor had spent two whole days in the town library and looked all sorts of books at home - not a single mention, about this mysterious 'Qi fruit'. It's not, to tell the truth, the strangest thing Farmer grew in their fertile fields (monster crops will always be at the top of the list for strangeness. Especially the one with the giant eyeball). Maybe it's some new fruit his spouse has discovered? Victor is sure the Farmer knows what they're doing. But yeah, he's supportive.

[omophagic-beast]

What is your Hogwarts house?

Hi! Im gonna assume this is in good faith once, and answer this by saying that im a trans man and have fully disconnected from harry potter because theyre bad books and jk rowling sucks if youd like to read something better id love to recommend some stuff! The Legend of Eli Monpress by Rachel Aaron is a series I like enough to put a quote from it on my arm, though I still hesitate to call it my favorite. It's about the greatest thief in the world as he tries to get his bounty as high as possible, accompanied by a swordsman wielding a mountain and a woman hosting the seed of a demon. The Keys to the Kingdom series by Garth Nyx was recommended to me by the lovely Jay Dragon and a few others at Metatopia this year, and I ended up devouring four of the seven books on the plane ride home. A child unwillingly goes through The Horrors, fighting seven angels who have been overtaken (in a sense) by the seven deadly sins. There's so much cool and interesting symbology throughout the series that's really fun to pick out when you notice it. Delicious in Dungeon is a manga by Ryoko Kui and definitely my favorite manga of all time. It's mainly about the importance of good food, as a group of adventurers end up having to traverse a dungeon with no supplies, surviving by eating the monsters within.

The Seep by Chana Porter is fun, if you're willing to get weird with it. Trina Goldberg-Oneka, a trans woman, finds herself devastated and unmoored after her wife leaves her to become a baby again. And by "fun" I mean it's a book that left me feeling like I was more of a person than I was before.

There's also plenty of really good webcomics out there, like Sakana, Bicycle Boy, Pia and The Tiny Little Things, A Better Place, We Go Together, Barbarous, Cold Sweat, ect, that you can simply find and read for free online! And if you simply must have wizards may I suggest making your own, the blog There's a TTRPG for that has a great post listing a bunch of good ttrpgs with that theme: https://theresattrpgforthat.tumblr.com/post/718030523649376256/theme-magic-and-mystics And speaking of games I'll cap this all off, for no particular reason, by recommending the game Let's Rob RJ McElhenny and Steal Her Golden Quill by Glaive Guisarme Games. It's fun and campy and a really good time.

[coff-in]

Yan!Andrew with his Reader who found out she's pregnant? She didn't want to have children.

notes from coff-in: bro,,, i feel embarrassed!! this isn't my best work!!! i read a lot of yandere stuff but you can tell that i struggled here with yandere characterization of andrew and then also talking about pregnancy and such. i do think andrew is a horndog.

[fem] reader-insert, [afab] reader-insert, +18 writing/NSFW (sex), talk/mention of pregnancy and abortion

Guys… yandere Andrew does so hard in my mind. I fucking love yanderes and just obsessive people in general. (I need him carnally–)

The few Yandere Andrew fics and headcanons I see usually take place in the Decay route, so I’m going to do the same for this piece if you don’t mind!

After killing Ashley, maybe Andrew met [reader] and found her to be similar to Ashley so he decides to use her as a substitute. Or maybe Andrew always knew [reader] since they were kids and wanted to have her for a long time, but worried that Ashley would drive her away.

It would still allow Andrew to date Julia but instead of using her to project his feelings for Ashley, he projects his feelings for [reader].

These projections may or may not include rough breeding sessions. Andrew would use a condom with Julia but he really wishes he was stuffing [reader]’s warm and wet womb with his seed. I bet he thinks about [reader]’s hips a lot or how her tits would swell up with milk once she gets knocked up.

(Teehee).

Andrew sort of wishes that he could keep Ashley around so she could meet his future children with [reader]. He could imagine them living in a nice house with plenty of room for the kids to grow (he’d probably want a son and daughter…), [reader] would be in the living room playing with the kids while Andrew watches from a doorway. He’d stare adoringly at the love of his life and their little bundles of joy.

Auntie Ashley would come to visit and cause mischief with the kids. She’d tell embarrassing stories of her and Andrew while he stammers to not tell his kids that and [reader] would laugh.

Sadly Ashley wanted to keep playing with Andy and wanted [reader] out of the picture, so Andrew had to cut Ashley out first.

Ah. I’m getting a little off-topic. [reader] would be staying near the Graves in the city this entire, oblivious to her obsessive Andrew and his dead sister Ashley. Once Andrew comes to visit [reader] for the first time since the quarantine he tells her that “poor Ashley died in the fire at the apartments and Julia broke up with him during the quarantine”.

Andrew looked pathetic. Standing in front of your door, sweaty and tired from wandering around the city looking for your address (and definitely not from killing his sister or something). [reader] looked up at him and sighed. Poor guy, losing his girlfriend and sister in such a short period of time…

“Well… you could crash here on the couch for a while until you get back on your feet. I can help you look for a job.” [reader] moved over to the side of the open door to invite him in, “Don’t worry too much about the rent. Just try not to make a mess and we’ll be good.” Andrew drew close to [reader] and pulled her into a hug, his hand resting in her hair and the other wrapped around her waist to pull her close. If only she could see the dark smile on his lips… she would’ve never opened that fucking door.

“You’re too good for me, [reader].”

However long it takes before you guys start dating is up to you, but just know that he’s dicking you down almost every night. Folding [reader] in half on her– their bed as just fucking plowing into her. An obsessive yandere Andrew would poke holes in the condom without [reader] knowing.

He’s always touching [reader], too. Resting his head in the crook of [reader]’s neck and laying his hands on her stomach hoping to feel a baby bump, fantasizing about the little baby he made growing inside of her.

Once the pregnancy tests come back positive, [reader] tries to tell Andrew that maybe they should abort the fetus. She’s not ready to become a mother yet, but Andrew’s enthusiasm makes it hard for her to get a single word out.

Andrew’s not pleased when [reader] finally tells him about her thoughts. He loves [reader], of course, he does, but he wants to have a family with [reader]. One that he never got with his parents or Ashley.

Andrew sat on the bed next to [reader], the mattress dipping under his weight. He placed a gentle hand on her back and rubbed it between her shoulder blades. She doesn’t look up from her hands.

“Hey… hey, don’t worry, honey. I’m sure we’ll be wonderful parents. We have an idea what not to do, don’t we?” Andrew joked. He pulled [reader] into his arms and held her close to his chest. “As long as we’re together, things will go alright.”

----

coff-in

[rubyroboticalt]

QBLR QUARTERLY WEEK 2!

Minecrafters grab your pickaxes, and catch up on the QBLR QUATERLY! What's up guys, update just dropped! It sure is something to try and decipher, huh. We've got pages of new stuff to go over, so let's catch up on all the events and mishaps that happened on the server this week!

Desnay finishes his base, and Perrito has a concert!

A new emote touches the server, it's the purple guy stand emote. Surely, nothing can go wrong with that emote and so many creatures around.

Smashing last week's record, Cheez logs a total of just under four full 24-hour days on the server. It has been up for 9 days. Does this man sleep? Eat? Stretch maybe?

All this just in time for a special server event! The dark magician who clears dropped items every 15 minutes gathers up all the creatures running around the island, and distributes them to groups of carers! This goes about as well as you'd think for a server of people in the prime age to develop baby fever over a voxel egg.

And for folks who would rather remain childfree, no need for concern! Planned Parenthood opens a clinic on the server where both reproductive health and world hunger concerns can be addressed. Any unwilling parents can pick up an Abortion In A Bottle free of charge!

Of course, there are plenty of folks who have other ventures going on, including the theatre kids' first outpost on the server, and some autistic minecraft behaviors. No, I mean some really autistic minecraft behaviors. This is impressive.

The theme of this week's builds is farms! A lovely community farm where everyone on the server is coming together to create a seed vault and garden that anyone can take a seed from if they're missing a plant.

And of course, there are plenty of new seeds and plants found and collected by the several intrepid world border expeditions! All four borders were reached this week. The border is 30k x 30k in length and width.

If you thought there was only one server event this week, you'd be wrong! Due to timezones and lag reasons, a second creature event was planned and held a day after the original! This event came with complementary drugs!

With two creature events down, the creatures start settling into their new homes and bonding with their new carers. Some creatures are kept in utmost safety, and others partake in activities that perhaps a creature should not be partaking in. As of yet, there are no family vloggers on the server, so that's a win.

While Nightmare Stalkers are nightmarish as the name suggests for the first few nights of having such vulnerable creaturess around, they quickly become nothing more than a regular nuisance. As such, traps and poisons to dispatch them swiftly are set up around the server.

But wait, there's more! That's right it's a third creature event batch! The final group of creatures are assigned carers and begin to settle in.

With all these creatures now assigned, a creature task system begins to be implemented, and carers take photos of the tasks with their creatures to earn tokens. These tokens ARE valuable.

Otherwise, all the creatures begin to make their mark on the world, with players also building many important venues and farms for the server. This includes the server's XP farm, a mob farm designed for lag easing while still providing XP.

And, of course, there are shenanigans aplenty with creatures and residents alike, including picnics, pole dance classes, abyss exploration, and the birth of G-dzilla.

And the second week of the server is aborted peacefully.

[adviceformefromme]

Hi! Thank you for the health advice! I would love to quit or significantly reduce carbs, I also feel like it's heavy on my body, but so many meals revolve around grains (sourdough bread mostly) and I guess there's a craving aspect to it too... Could you give advice on what you're eating instead?? I have lots of eggs, fish, occasional meat, plenty of fruit, just enough veg haha but i find it hard to imagine going without carbs (or grains more specifically cos I have no prob with vege carbs). Especially in winter 😋 Thank you for any help 🙏🙏

I feel like society has normalised feeling heavy and lethargic after meals, but its amazing you have noticed this and want to change!

You may want to cut carbs gradually (no starches - breads, grains, rice, pasta, potatoes).

I would recommend looking into GI index to see what foods are high glucose, following Hormone Balancing recipes, juices etc (usually very low carb and support women's health). Listening to podcasts on microbiome, or even a tiktok search.

Introducing pre/ probiotics: I make sauerkraut (which is basically cabbage / onions in water and salt left to ferment for a few days - lots of variations on this), also just made my first batch of Kefir (I stay away from store bought Kefir as its pasturised and all the good stuff has been killed off during this process). I mention these as a healthy gut is going to support you as you remove carbs and introduce more wholesome foods.

Breakfasts:

Omlette (spinach / onion / parsley )

Scrambled eggs w/ coconut oil

Buckwheat porridge w/ blueberries (buckwheat is a seed not a grain so low glucose index)

Avocado salad (seeds, olives, rocket, tomatoes, cucumber) +tahini

Snacks:

Nuts, olives, blueberries, blackberries, watermelon

Main meals:

Veg + Protein (Broccli, kale, butternut squash, courgette, carrots, asparagus, cabagge, peppers). I do different variations of veg to mix things up, sometimes i do Chinese style stir fry, I try to add garlic and ginger as much as possible into the veg. Protein is usually grass fed steak, whole fish - seabream, sea bass, mackerel, cod fillet, wild salmon fillet, or turkey breast fillet. I make chimichurri sauce to add some extra flavour to the fish.

Protein + lentil / chicpeas dish. I have a stew a few days a week to break up the veggies because they do get boring after a while.

Bone broth. I boil the bones, and have as a little side dish with veggies but this isn't really filling enough for a main meal.

I make beetroot juice, and also watermelon juice, tumeric + ginger shots throughout the week. I try to throw in flaxseed and chia seeds where possible.

I cut coffee/ decaf all that and now only drinking fresh mint tea, slice of lemon + hot water, fresh juices (within the hour of making), and water ensuring 2l per day.

Number one thing that had to go was oats. So if you are having a morning crash I suggest cutting the carbs first thing. I know there are suggestions (glucose goddess) that fat with carbs or when you eat them (having carbs after veg can help) but personally i think its best to cut them.

I hope this helps! Its a full lifestyle change that has honestly helped so much! It's a commitments, but investing in feeling good and your health will make you feel so good and wholesome! xoxoxo

*I used the free 1 month trial of MyFitnessPal app to track my calories/ meals to ensure I was getting enough food - for some this might be extreme but super helpful to see what’s going on.

[homeofhousechickens]

Hi!! I tried the kalmbach feed with my chickens once so far, and they loved it, but I was wondering what was up with the lentils in there. I know its for protein, iron etc thats in them, but Im under the impression theyre raw. That made me nervous because I know raw beans are unsafe to feed to chickens, and I've asked around and researched to find an explanation but haven't found anything, so I was wondering if you're able to explain maybe? Like maybe they're actually cooked and dried and the bag just doesn't say that. It's ok if you don't know either. Thanks!!

Raw beans are bad due to the high amount of lectins in them. Raw lentils do still have some lectins in them so they are unsafe for us to eat but the amount isn't very dangerous for birds and it's very good feed ingredient since it's high in protein and fiber but low in fat. So the nutritional benefits outweigh the risk tbh and i have never heard of anyone's bird dying due to lentils being a part of their diet. In most high quality poultry feeds dried peas and lentils are a large part of the protein source and I prefer that to stuff like fish meal which can have a high bacterial load which can lead to certain intestinal diseases in chickens. Ideally you want your chickens main protein source in their feed to come from seeds,insects, and legumes.

You will see a lot of forum post from people who aren't very well versed in poultry nutrition panicking about lentils in their birds feed due to the phytohaemagglutinin but lentils are very good for chickens (and pigeons!) And there is plenty of research on the topic.

Here is this one for example (but there are a lot more)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7070479/

Like any feed ingredient they shouldn't be the bulk of a birds diet forever, barley for example can be very problematic in high amounts but its my favorite feed ingredient. Flax seed can cause sudden liver hemorrhage in high amounts (yikes!) but its still a great source of fats. So even the tiniest wee pigeon fledgling that only wants to eat lentils while weaning isn't going to keel over and die due to the lectins in the lentils.

Mung beans are also a safe chicken and pigeon feed ingredient and aren't like other beans just wanted to say that. Stay away from raw beans but mung beans are good 👍

[esoteric-chaos]

Imbolc - Spoonie Witch Friendly

Imbolc is usually celebrated between February 1st & 2nd, in the Northern Hemisphere (In Southern hemisphere around August 1).

Imbolc is a fire festival celebrating the home, hearth, and the halfway point between Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox.

Is is the celebration of the return of the light and sun. A great time to honour the coldest days and the arrival of spring.

Imbolc Correspondences

Colours

White

Gold

Silver

Pastel Colors

Herbal

Rosemary

Basil

Bay leaves

Cinnamon

Myrrh

Hay

Chamomile

Angelica

Lavender

Daffodil

Blackberry

Willow 

Edibles

Blackberry

Root vegetables

Dried fruits

Stews

Mead

Fermented foods

Grains

Dairy (specifically ewe's milk)

Cider

Herbal tea

Canned foods

Oats

Animals

Deer

Cow

Sheep

Lark

Swan

Bear

Wolves

Groundhog

All burrowing and hibernating animals

Crystals

Gold

Silver

Brass

Amethyst

Moonstone

Garnet

Ruby

Symbols

Candle flame

Seeds

Besom/broom

Brigid’s cross

Serpent

Sheep (due to Imbolc’s association with ewe’s milk)

White flowers

Snowflakes

Flowing water and springs

Sunwheel

Star

Evergreens

Spiritual meanings

Creativity

Awakenings

Introspection

Fresh beginnings

Perseverance

Patience

Renewal

Revision

Healing

Frugality

Self-care

Youth

Scents

Cinnamon

Rosemary

Basil

Cedar

Mint

Gods / Goddesses / Spirits

Brigid (Celtic)

Aphrodite (Greek)

Bast (Egyptian)

Ceres (Roman)

Cerridwen (Celtic)

Gaia

Hestia (Greek)

Vesta (Roman)

Venus (Roman)

Athena (Greek)

Demeter (Greek)

Persephone (Greek)

Aenghus Og (Irish)

Eros (Greek)

Faunus (Roman)

Pan (Greek)

Cernunnos (Celtic)

Osiris (Egyptian)

Asmodeus (Demon, personal UPG)

Need some suggestions to celebrate? I got you covered.

High energy celebrations and ritual

Astral projection/travel

Divinations

Cord cuttings

Create a Brigid’s Cross

Gardening (best time to start to plant seeds)

Make resolution(s) and goal(s) for the year ahead (I'll fight to the DEATH about my personal opinion that this is a better time for resolutions than New Years itself. Best time for renewal and goal setting)

Ritual to say farewell to winter

Make bread

Spring clean! It’s the best time for it

Low energy celebrations 

Starting a manifestation journal

Burning a bay leaf with manifestation on it

Planning in your planner

Lighting a candle in honour

Make a cup of tea

Practice self care

No spoon celebrations 

Prayer

Putting on sun lamp

Greet the sun at sunrise

Rest

How you celebrate the holiday does not matter. You can choose to do any activity that feels right. These are only suggestions and remember that you're enough no matter what.

Also please note some stuff is UPG. A great book is Year of the Witch by Temperance Alden for honouring the celebrations and if you wanted to work more seasonally. It's not wiccan based and has plenty of resources for every witch.

[sheepispink]

Crushed Expectations are better with you

tags: leon kennedy/reader, fluff, enemies to friends to lovers, can be seen as platonic tho, they sleep together 😍, literally tho, arguing and banter they’re such cuties

Summary:

When Leon and Reader fight for an opportunity to work in a real DSO taskforce, they eventually both manage to get a place in differing teams. However, when the day comes to an end, the hopes they had for the week ahead had been flattened completely. So naturally, they bicker as any sworn enemies do… and fluff ensues just like any enemies story.

Notes: this is NOT re2 leon even if it is rught after re2. Umm it’s kind of before re4 but not but kind of?;’;? also hai massive disclaimer reader and leon lowkey laugh at someone throwing up after seeing blood. THE PERSON WHO DID IT WAS AN EXPERIENCED AGENT, NOT A RANDOMER, SHE’S SEEN BLOOD PLENTY SO THEY’RE CONFUSED. theres worse stuff on this damn website but i dont want anyone to think i’m bullying them for their phobia, honest its not in that context anyway just read before i die

WC: 3.9k

You can’t remember when you first locked your heart on an opportunity like this; it seemed like your lifelong dream. The only thing that came to mind was the board meeting with the rest of the rookies you had been training beside for the past three months. A chance to prove yourself and join an actual task force—not just stupid patrols around the block but real, actual missions. It was like your mind salivated at the mere thought of it, your heart instantly picking up pace; the idea of actually wielding a handgun and fighting off drug groups or even mafia was like a seed that was deep rooted into your mind. It fills you with a bright buzz of adrenaline, but unfortunately you’re not the only one who seems to live for this high. Leon wouldn’t dare back down on such a promising idea, so when you both happened to get the place for the internship, anger and betrayal festered in your hearts quickly.

“There's supposed to be one place!”

Leon argued with the director, refusing to believe he had slaved away his life graduating from the police academy, surviving an infested city, and all of this extra‘special’ training only for you to get in regardless of his efforts. Of course you were the same, believing you should’ve been the first to be accepted due to the efforts you constantly put forward.

“Both of you, quiet. The decision is final, we need another person to fill for an injured teammate, so now there are two openings. Now shoo.”

The pair of you didn’t need to look at each other to know the glare on the other’s face. This rivalry was born in the harsh conditions this job forced you two to undertake and the reality of the state of the world right now—trust no one and fight to survive. Leon knew that far too well, and so the feud started the day he saw how fast you managed to beat his record in one of the courses. He had to be better; he promised himself that this time it would be different—it had to be.

On the first day of the job, you were brimming with excitement, arriving far earlier than recommended and even going so far as to prepare something to meet the team with. Time seems to go by quickly when you’re having fun, and while something as serious as this was hardly the idea of fun to many, it certainly seemed like this opportunity would fly by just from how eager you were to start.

If a train could run completely off the rails even with the driver built for the job and perfectly fine tracks, that’s exactly how you’d describe your current situation. An unprecedented mess.

You stumble into the common area following your fifth heavy sigh of the day and likely not the last of the week. The rookies who didn’t get a place in one of the task forces were sent off to observe and shadow a team in the Whitehouse. Also known as the most boring job ever and the superiors just trying to fob off the worst of the crop elsewhere. Luckily for you, this meant this whole space, not that it was very big, was all yours for the next week or so. It’s hardly enough compensation to even balance the scales with the crap you dealt with today, but that doesn’t mean you’ll pass off the chance to actually relax in between the craze that is known as your life. The little table that somehow turned into a snack bar catches your eyes immediately; it’s always empty due to greedy rookies with zero manners. You roll your eyes at the thought of those rowdy savages finishing the stock before the afternoon and brew yourself a cup of tea, thinking over what you could watch on the TV there before heading to bed. The possibilities are endless; hell, you could even watch My Little Pony and no one would bat an eye—perks of being the only one here, you suppose. Though not enough to lighten your flattened mood, you stir your tea anyway and settle on an action movie to actually compensate for everything you had missed out on today—especially the excitement.

“Better head back to your room, this place is mine tonight.” A cocky voice echoes out in the room and thus causes you to spin around a little too fast, instantly freezing from the hot tea splashing onto your sleeve. Surprisingly, spilling the tea was the least of your problems, as you had seemed to meet your worst nightmare on the couch, remote control claimed by his hand as he flicked through Netflix.

Your jaw is practically on the floor—why the hell is he here?! Fighting for the space in the agency, constantly belittling you during training, and even the raised eyebrows each time you failed—that you could handle, but this snapped the thread that was already thinning quickly.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” You exclaim before promptly storming over to the couch, disbelief in your voice and tea still dripping down your arms. Even though a small part of you knows he’s technically allowed to be here too since he technically got a space in the other task force, it doesn't mean you’re not allowed to be infuriated by his sudden intrusion.

“Woah, easy there, sweetheart.”

Leon’s eyebrows furrow as well as his lips turn to form a frown, and before he can even roll his eyes, they’re already swirling with something else. Someone might even argue concern.

“You dropped your hot tea all over yourself; seriously, how did you get that internship when you’re this careless?”

His hand wraps around your wrist in a firm grip as he tugs you down onto the couch, grabbing tissues from the box on the coffee table with his free hand. Thankfully, the tea wasn’t enough to burn your skin, though he thought it had for a moment. Guess you can't get mad at the crappy kettle in here anymore.

“I can do it myself—“

His actions only serve to embarrass you—you’re not some kid to be coddled; you can handle yourself. Snatching the tissues from his hands and wiping down your arms, a slightly embarrassed huff escapes, which is more annoyed at his presence than the sting of the sudden heat.

“You do realise I'm staying back here too? Just because I joined a different task force doesn't mean I'm in another country.” He scoffs, chewing down on a particularly large chocolate cookie. Settled on the couch now and having dealt with the tea long ago, you nibble at some of the cookies you never have a chance at getting. The pair of you seemed to have the same idea, having brought your duvet and pillows from your own quarters to turn the couch here into your bed. But that ultimately failed upon realising the other was there; so now you sit at opposite ends, curled up in your own duvets, and throw each other the occasional glare if you even brush legs.

“Well, still— I was here first. You should’ve just gone.” You argue, not about to just let this slide so quickly. He’d be damned if he thought you’d just allow him to walk all over you like this. Leon scoffs in response, leaning over to steal one of the biscuits you took from the snackbar.

“Yeah, as if. I got the couch first, you know; you should really just go make your little tea and run along. Oh no—I can't let you do that; you might spill it again, and I'll have you clean you up.”

Leon’s words only rile you up more, especially since he robbed one of your biscuits, the chocolate one at that. Sure, the snackbar had plenty of them, but that still counts as thievery in your books.

“Shut up about the tea already; you’re so damn annoying. I bet you’ll just go boast about the amazing day today you had too, huh?”

That pisses him off; he wasn't initially annoyed by your presence—always taking the opportunity to agitate you as much as possible—but he definitely is now. He shifts in his seat so he’s facing you directly, harsh sarcasm written in his eyes.

“Oh? I had the best day? Right—like you aren't going to one up me straight after I speak. I bet you’re just itching to tell me all about how they’re going to extend your internship.”

The pair of you go back and forth, your own crashing disappointment mixed with the horrible mistreatment fuelling this anger towards him for no apparent reason. In your head, he’s trying to spite you and brag in order to prove that he’s better. It makes your blood boil until both the blankets along with the crumbs left behind slip onto the floor.

On his side, he’s brimming with the fantasy of just punching you right there. Look at you, trying to rub it in his face. You’re so selfish and rude, and it makes his mind cloud with frustration and rage, unable to even think clearly. Neither of you can realise how stupid this argument is or the pointlessness of it all. So, the next ten or so minutes are spent spewing out every insult in the book, tearing each other down, and only making the anger shared between the two of you fester into hatred.

“You think I have a big ego? You started this whole argument to piss me off because you got the better end of the stick. You’re nothing but a selfish, disgusting—“

He shouts, practically scrambling up and ready to yank you by your collar just to put you in your place for once. He doesn't know what else he’ll do, but he wants to shut you up desperately.

“Better end of the stick?! I had the worst day anyone could ever have—I should’ve just let you take the damn position!” You cry out, frustrated and even more annoyed at how he freely insults you. You’ve had enough of that today; if you take anymore, you might just lose it.

Leon suddenly pauses, blinks at you, and just stares blankly with wide eyes. “Your day.. it didn't go well either?”

Now it's your turn to stare at him like an idiot, confused by his words. Didn't he know that already? You thought he was doing all this because he knew it hadn't gone as expected.

“Either? What do you mean? Did yours not..”

“Go well, yes. Mine was terrible too. Like trying to prove myself to a brick wall.”

That makes you let out a sudden snort as you watch him sit back slightly, finding the words very relatable in your situation as well. Snorting turns to giggling, and you’re soon full of laughter with a small grin on your face. He can't help but crack a smile too, playfully jabbing you with his elbow.

“Hey—stop, it wasn't that funny. You’re laughing at my pain now.”

“I’m laughing because I went through the same thing, idiot. What is wrong with those agents?”

Finding out you both shared a similar experience is a pleasant surprise for him, relieved that for once he can just complain without someone trying to one-up him. You’re far too tired to even keep up that hatred anyway— you’d much rather giggle at your shortcomings even though you two almost got physical.

Grabbing your duvet again and some more cookies, you relax into the couch properly now, both propped up at each end. It’s not the longest couch, so your legs brush occasionally as you sit and face each other, nibbling at snacks while you still snicker at his stories.

“I shot practically two of those damn monsters dead without hesitation, like the agency always taught us. You know what those stuck-up agents told me? I should’ve checked if they were humans first. Those things were practically growling at me!”

You laugh once more as a frustrated expression comes over his face, making your own light up as you prepare to tell him how bad your day went.“Trust me, I've been through it too. They practically ignored me for half the morning and then scolded me for scouting ahead! Not to mention, one of the girls had a serious crush on one of the guys, and she would glare at me every time I asked him for the latest intel.”

Leon’s eyes light up in disbelief, lips curving up in mirth. “No way—they actually have crushes in their own teams? I thought that was like, against every protocol.”

“That's what i thought too,” You nod your head in agreement before taking a bite out of another cookie. “It was so obvious; I was convinced they were trying to test me or something.”

“Damn, and I thought the girl throwing up over a bit of bioweapon blood was bad.”

“She threw up over blood?!”

You feel a weight off your chest as you finally rant about your day to someone else, feeling better knowing it hadn't been your fault. In truth, you were so pent up by their constant attitude towards you that you had started to wonder if you were the problem in the taskforce. Though now you have the reassurance you never thought you needed to relax. The same goes for him, his shoulders relaxing with every word as he settles into the couch. Once you both agree that in conclusion, the opportunity was a waste of time, you shake hands on it, promising you’ll never be as bad as they were. That's hardly a thought now though, already brushing up against each other like teenagers in a sleepover while you pick an action movie.

“I want to watch the new Fast and Furious.”

“Oh, come on, you know they get worse with every new one. Give me that,”

He grabs the remote control, unable to control a smirk at your shocked face, before switching genres in search of something else. “See, this is quality content.”

“Leon—you want to watch a documentary. On war. I’ve already had enough of that!”

“But the action is so much better than your one!”

It takes the pair of you a full fifteen minutes before Netflix breaks and you’re forced to watch a David Attenborough documentary on animals in tropical islands. There's a slight pout on both of your faces having been forced to watch something so.. slow after wanting to watch action and excitement.

That's when you start snickering at a funny-looking stick insect; you point at it and then look towards him.

“Hey, it kind of looks like you-“

He shoves a cookie into your mouth, causing you to splutter before quickly chewing down on it before you choke.

“What was that? Were you saying that’s your twin?”

He points to another strange-looking animal, making sure to pick the worst possible to annoy you. This creates another back and forth until the channel finally changes the film, playing a somewhat decent action movie.

“Hey..” You begin to murmur, your head drooping onto your palm as the night grows deeper.

“Mhm?”

“Y’know.. one of the girls in my team mentioned she won't be here for the rest of the time. So if you wanna.. I don't know..”

“Join your team?”

“..Yeah. If you want.”

Rubbing the bags beneath your eyes does little to soothe you as your head finally starts to sink into the soft cushions and you have to shift your position a little to see him.

“Why? You can’t survive on your own without a little friend with you?”

He watches you get sleepier and sits up, shuffling over to you; there's no way he’s going to let you fall asleep without getting under your skin just a little bit more. The mocking tone makes you tilt your head up to look at him, seeing him awfully closer but you’re too preoccupied with his insult.

“Hey- i can survive perfectly fine! It's you who was complaining; I’m being a good samaritan-“ A frown has already formed on your lip, along with nudging him with your foot, trying to get him to stop.

“Alright, alright, I get the point; stop kicking me.” He picks up one of the pens across the coffee table, playfully poking against the fluffy socks you wear and thus causing you to retract from the ticklish feeling. “I’ll come, okay? I’ll ask to switch teams, but there's one condition.”

“Which is?”

“The night we have to camp outside, we have to share a tent. There's no way I'm risking sleeping beside someone who snores or just stinks. At least I know you’re none of those things, even if you are annoying all of the time.”

You snicker at the thought of him tossing and turning endlessly, your mind returning to a year prior. Leon could never get to sleep during the extensive training with all the other recruits, that much had been clear from the dark circles under his eyes every morning. Still, you didn't provide him any mercy and continued to snicker when he fell asleep mid lunch break. So, as any sleep deprived and grumpy rival would do: he decided to ruin your sleep. He had carefully stepped into your tent that night, eyes heavy but with a determination full of vengeance, and snuck over to your mattress. Tugging at your hair, creaking the mattress, pulling the blanket off, blowing on your face—every single thing he had tried failed to wake you from your slumber. You were such an incredibly deep sleeper, lying on your side with your legs in some random position and one cheek squished onto your hand, that you absolutely refused to wake. He hadn’t slept normally for four days, and so his frustration pushed him to fall asleep right there on your mattress, absolutely exhausted. The surprise on your face when you woke was incomparable, and unfortunately all it took was the shuffle of you sitting up to wake him once more.

“Yeah, alright, deal, but I still can't believe I'm the only one you can sleep beside.”

“It’s not like that—I can sleep by myself, you’re just quiet; it’s like you’re not even there.” He scoffs quickly, nudging you to move up, which you do very reluctantly, bringing your knees to your chest and sitting up. This couch is far too small for two, but he doesn’t care; he’s already moving forward. With a few more shuffles, he’s sitting beside you, both of your backs against the armrest—closer than you had been that night.

“Did the tea actually burn you?”

He asks before you can even question his motives, his fingers trailing your sleeves as he moves them up your shoulder to get a better look. The red mark on your upper arm is noticeable even with as far as you pulled your sleeves down to cover it. His calloused fingertips are rough as they trail the sensitive skin, his eyebrows beginning to knit together in worry.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have been such a prick to surprise you and cause you to drop your tea like that.”

He murmurs, feeling a swell of guilt in his gut as his eyes flitter up to meet yours sheepishly— something you’d never expect to see a year ago.

“Thanks, but it’s okay, I don't think it’ll leave a scar. The kettle barely made the tea that hot.”

He lets out a small hum and then pulls the duvets over you a little bit more, looking down at you as you fiddle with your sleeve again.

“You think it’s always going to be this bad? You know, the missions? They treat us like we’re literally nothing to them; this isn’t what I signed up for.” You suddenly blurt out, revealing what has been weighing heavy on your chest for weeks now. It’s not like you could talk to many of the rookies, and training sessions were already tough enough; you didn't exactly need your superior breathing down your neck for simply being unhappy. “Nah,” He shakes his head and playfully puts a hand onto your head to ruffle your hair—messing up all the carefully brushed locks into what now resembles a bird's nest.

“I’ve seen the top ranking agents; none of them are that incompetent. We just gotta prove that we’re capable of being like them too by pushing through this.” His words are oddly comforting considering they’re usually targeted against every aspect of your being, but you’re not going to call him out on that. You blink tiredly and hum in agreement, nodding your head slowly with each of your words. “I guess. When you join my team, we might even overshadow the others.” You chuckle a little, imagining those incompetent people dropping their jaws. They were pretty lazy, to be fair; all you two had to do was stay alert, and that would be enough. He can't help but chuckle himself and follows you as you begin to sink down into the couch, your legs stretching out to touch the other end.

“Don't get ahead of yourself, I'll overshadow all of you singlehandedly; I don't need your help.” He remarks, a cocky glint in his eyes as he pats your shoulder like one would do to a small kid. That only makes you roll your eyes, settling onto your back as you grumble to yourself before spitting out the most childish remark you can.

“Go away, you’re so annoying.”

“I can’t; the air conditioning is broken outside my room, and it’s being much louder than usual.” He mumbles as he pulls his duvet up to his neck; his shoulders bump against yours when he shifts onto his side, cheek pressing into the pillow.

“That's why I'm here, dimwit.” Despite the insult, he can't quite find the cold tone that usually accompanies it—lost in exhaustion and the need to just relax for once in his hectic schedule.

“Are you trying to kick me off the couch? There's barely any space, you know.”

He lets out a small grunt, not saying a word as he shifts his legs to get more comfortable— ignoring the way he can see you fighting to keep your left leg on the couch. “Don't care what you do. You’re just a nuisance.”

“Yeah, because everyone cuddles up to a nuisance, don't they?” You roll your eyes and reluctantly shift onto your side so you won't fall, feeling his warmth disappear from your shoulder as you turn. “What if our supervisor comes by in the morning?”

“He won't—he’s lazy”. He grunts, one eye opening to glare at you in an annoyance that clearly says ‘Be quiet.’ He shuts his eyes again, his nose nudging you slightly. “Go turn off the light.”

“Alright, fine.”

Soon enough, just your memory of the layout of this room serves as your guide as your padded footsteps take you back underneath the covers. Getting comfortable is slightly harder when he is much taller and more muscular than you are, and even more so when he presses his nose into your shoulder properly now, cheeks squishing against your shirt. You’re practically almost off the couch, and you can guarantee you’ll be on the floor by morning, but you’re not really bothered at all today.

Then, as you whisper a soft “Night,” you realise he had fallen asleep first for once.

[unquietspiritao3]

musings on rpf

Been thinking a lot about RPF since the CoC3 outtakes. I think because it’s brought me a very small bit of exposure with people who aren’t familiar with the concept, and I also know from talking to friends that for many of them, Taskmaster is their first RPF fandom.

There are a lot of misconceptions about RPF and people who write it, and there’s both healthy and unhealthy ways to approach it. All this stuff that I, as a Fandom Old and veteran RPF writer, know and take for granted, but that other people may not have worked out yet. So I thought I should write some of it out explicitly, as best I can.

(And, too, part of this is me thinking, What would I want to convey if someone who inspired one of my stories reached out to me for a direct conversation about it? Not that I think that would ever or should ever happen, but it’s hard not to think about when you’ve had an experience like this.)

The biggest misconception is that RPF comes from unhealthy parasocial relationships. (I’m specifying ‘unhealthy’ because there are actually healthy ways to have a parasocial relationship, and nearly everyone has at least one. Other people have written about this in more detail here and here.) I’m not denying that in some cases, this misconception could be true, but by and large, the circle containing the fans who have an unhealthy parasocial relationship with a celebrity and the circle containing the fans who write RPF about said celebrity are a Venn diagram without much overlap. By and large, RPF writers are not delusional. By and large, we are incredibly aware of the difference between the real person and the character we’re writing, and we do not want to violate that real person’s boundaries. (If they want to go to AO3 and read fic titles and summaries—and perhaps more—then that’s their choice, of course.)

Taking myself as an example, I’ve talked here before about how I jumped into writing in the Taskmaster fandom with a very basic knowledge of the comics’ lives off-screen. I don’t feel particularly attached to any of them. I don’t feel like I know them. Even with James Acaster, whom I know the most about (the majority of it learned after I started writing!) and whom I relate to the most, I don’t imagine that we could be ‘friends’ or whatever if we met. In fact, I sometimes suspect I wouldn’t like him much if I knew him in real life. That’s not what this is about.

Another misconception is that all RPF is porn. Okay, yes, almost all of my Taskmaster fic is rated Explicit, and a lot of it is kinky porn. But there is a reason for that, which I’ll get to at the end of this little essay. Also, yes, Taskmaster RPF in general is extremely kinky, but I don’t think anyone can seriously argue that we are projecting that energy onto an entirely sweet, innocent, wholesome show. Anyway, the point is, there’s plenty of non-explicit RPF. Including most of what I wrote before Taskmaster. That’s not what this is about, either.

What is it about, then? For me, ultimately, it’s about the same thing any creative project you make and put out into the world is about. It’s saying, “Here’s something of me. Do you relate to it?”

The celebrity it’s based on only provides a germ of inspiration, taken from something in their public persona which I relate to. To fill out the character, I water that little seed with things from my own life or simply musings on human nature, and then I put that character in a situation I find interesting and see what grows. Keeping the name/likeness/biographical details (to an extent) of the celebrity is simply a shortcut to finding the other people who might relate when I put it out in the world.

You see, my goal for my RPF is not to have the celebrity read it. If they’re going to be bothered by it, I hope they don’t read it. I certainly don’t want anyone sending it to them or anything like that. While it was hilarious for Alex to say what he did, and it’s been a positive experience overall, I never expected or wished for it to happen.

My goal, especially with explicit and kinky porn like ‘A big boy like you’, is to let my readers know, If you see yourself in this, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you. And to get that same feedback in return.

[marzipanilla]

TLoVM S3 fell a bit short for me, and no, it wasn't the narrative changes. It just failed to deliver on emotional beats for me. I think trying to keep iconic stream moments arguably screwed them more than just carrying on with the flow of what they had.

Love that they managed to weasel in Keyleth's Earth Ashari stuff and gave her a cool world connection moment ! But like. Guys. We have actively seen Allura and Pike both scry without issue. A throw away line about Raishan being protected by powerful magic could have solved the 'why aren't you asking the people who know how to scry to solve this' issue I felt was very present in that.

Also, the team's dismissal of her concerns in the show felt much more 'what else are we supposed to do' not 'we can handle this go sit in the corner while the adult's talk : )' Especially since they basically never worked with Raishan like they did in the stream and Percy actively broke what little pact they had with her! The whole we are going to work with Raishan thing just... felt way too flippy floppy for me to get Keyleth's reaction out of it. Her frustration made much more sense in the stream.

Vex's 'my love is a curse' felt very left field to me. Though they have ample opportunity to play it up in the coming season once she realizes Vax is messed up. Though I do appreciate him very actively making the choices he does (HE demands the RQ take him instead, HE insists she show him the ritual to rescue Percy)

I get having Scanlan not die since resurrection is a much bigger deal, but I can only be woken from a coma by hearing my daughter talk?? Give the man aphasia and have her come to teach him/play music to help him out. Thematic ! Beautiful ! Doesn't feel ridiculous like 'idk coma I guess'. This is a case where having watched C1 felt like it screwed things for me, 'cause it seemed as if the seeds for the messy break up of Bard's Lament were being planted... and then they didn't sprout. I know people like Tary, but he was such a blip in the scheme of things writing him out makes sense (and they can still fit him in if they want). It just seemed like they were building up to something with Scanlan that never paid off. I also personally massively dislike the 'real family' line from him. You can say goodbye I wanna hang out with my kid without shitting on your other relationships.

Percy's death did not hit at all for me. The song did not help. The lyrics being what was going on on screen was not my jam, though I know plenty of people liked it. I was also pretty sad by the choice to have him and Vex hook up before his death. I think the narrative of them just having waited too long could have worked fine, but I get tweaking things for the drama.

It's cool that Pike is getting a story, since Ashley really wasn't present enough to have one in the original stream. I guess the whole 'believe in yourself not your god' thing just ??? I guess it works. I mean the only time she was ever shown to doubt herself was in relation to her faith. I just. Her big 'it's me!!!' moment with Thordak had me going ???? It's you what? I just was not tracking what they were trying to do with her. She has too much self-confidence in all other things for me to track a self-doubt story I guess?

I'm curious about people who aren't familar with the original campaign's reactions, as the pacing just felt a little all over the place for me.