#also one piece is gonna be big this year
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hi besties happy new year ❤️ (sorry I'm super late🥺) hope u all have a healthy safe and happy 2024, you deserve the world <33333
this? for you
#I hope to spend more time here on tumblr this year (this is literally one of my resolutions)#I also wanted to apologize for not responding to any messages#I promise to try and reply later this week I appreciate each one of you and wish nothing but prosperity and kindness in your lives#also one piece is gonna be big this year#so brace yourselves for me being super annoying and making you wish I'd take another break from tumblr i love youuu#gab talks
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I... have a confession to make, of sorts. There won't ever be a good time to admit this, unfortunately, so it's best I get this off my chest now, and ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
It has not been easy speaking with all of the flashclones who have made themselves known in the wake of Union's latest raids; both for myself, and the squadron at large. I must commend my squadmates for handling themselves with the utmost professionalism - while my own correspondences with these newest members of the Omninet have been what I would consider adequately polite, I've been biting my tongue the entire time, and I fear that my personal discomfort with the issue is starting to slip through the cracks.
To this end, I wish to share my thoughts publicly, that I might better express my own emotions towards this complicated, frustrating, and highly nuanced issue. I only ask that you hear me out in full before you render judgement, and pronounce your sentence carefully.
First: an observation.
MSMC policy requires that all pilots dictate an end-of-life plan at the time of their recruitment, that their final wishes may be carried out by the company in the event of their death under MSMC's employ. The options provided for this are effectively unlimited, allowing the pilot a great deal of choice and freedom in planning their postmortem arrangements. These plans may also be altered in the future should circumstances change, provided the pilot is of sound body and mind.
Under MSMC policy, in compliance with the policies set forth by Union, one of the available postmortem options is flashcloning.
In my fifteen-odd years serving under MSMC, I have only heard of three pilots who have willingly chosen to be flashcloned after death (thus prolonging not only their life, but their term of service under MSMC as well). Of these, I have only personally met one, affiliated with MSMC-808 "5Q8R3 L00P3RZ" - I believe their current iteration goes by callsign Lemniscate. While I do not know how many times they have been cloned during their term of service, their current iteration seems happy enough, and their squadmates reassure me that they've maintained a consistent identity (plus or minus the odd quirk, as is typical of flashclones) throughout their life (lives?).
Second: a digression.
I purchased my Dusk Wing, And The Voice of Apollo Spoke From On High (Apollo for short), from an SSC showroom on a planet whose name I no longer recall. The curated atmosphere called to mind the high marble pillars and lush green-blue waters of some distant Cradle mythology where gods roamed the earth and mortals strove to emulate them, punished and rewarded for their folly in equal measure with gifts and curses beyond name. Each frame was posed as the statues of old on Cradle, too-human limbs arrayed in too-human poses, each a machine of war turned living art piece.
Apollo, true to its future name, was arrayed in flight; hover-jets draped with sunlight-yellow gossamer, veil rifle aimed in its middle tier of manipulators with the same care and precision as an archer would take with their bow. To see it lowered to the floor after its purchase was to see Icarus fall; to climb inside its cockpit for the first time, to don wax-and-feather wings of my own and fly.
The old tales caution that divinity has a cost, and I too paid the price. A vial of blood, drawn with silver needle and spirited away into an unseen cooler before my pen ever touched paper. Apollo was mine, but SSC had received a far greater gift in its place: a sample of my DNA, unwillingly donated as the price for my divine armament.
Even now, this price weighs heavy on my head like the sword which hung above Damocles, poised to drop without a moment's notice with each new Union raid on yet another forgotten cloning facility. Who can say on what distant planet the children I did not birth sleep in stasis - children with my eyes, my hair, my nose, my smile; sons and daughters who will never be called as such because, to their creators, they are slaves, weapons, property - anything but human.
Third: an explanation.
I believe that flashcloning, in its current state as of 5016u, as approved by Union's Third Committee (and exploited by the likes of SSC, HA, and several countless others across the stars) is an inherently unethical practice; both for those who donate their DNA (willingly or otherwise), as well as for those persons produced by it.
To see countless lives created, manipulated, slaughtered, and recycled in the name of so-called "progress"; to see inherently human beings stripped of every vestige of humanity but the body in which they reside and then forcibly brainwashed and molded into soldiers, medics, mechanics, weapons, machines, slaves, property - it is an abominable and inhumane practice that should have died a slow and painful death in the darkness from whence it was birthed.
This being said: I cannot stand idly by as the products of this inhumane practice continue to suffer. No matter whether it is beneath the apathetic gaze of Union, the dehumanizing bootheel of HA, or the eugenicist scalpel of SSC, I will not allow my fellow persons to endure another day of abuse at the hands of those who would abandon their own creations as little more than imperfect failures for daring to remind their creators of their sentience.
Alone, I can do nothing. I too am but a cog in this great uncaring machine humanity has built, one which prospers on suffering and bloodshed and the work of hands which have forgotten the body to which they are attached. Even if I were to risk life and limb and reputation to make my position known, it is a battle which lies dead in the water - it is impossible to halt the wheels of progress without irreparably damaging the future which relies on their turning.
And so I fight. I fight for those who have forgotten their humanity, both willingly and unwillingly, that they might find something of their own - identity, purpose, desires, connection, life - that reminds them of what they were and are and always have been: human.
-- Angel
#lancer rpg#lancer ttrpg#lancerrpg#// my squadmates do not know I am posting this - I could never hope to even begin to explain myself to them#// I only hope that when this post is inevitably discovered it will be forgiven; just as I have forgiven theirs in the past#OOC: jokes on all of you - you get a big fat lore(?) post as well as art this time around#holy shit this was so much fun to write - P has some COMPLEX feelings on this particular issue and do I ever enjoy writing ethical dilemmas#marrying “maybe nobody deserves to suffer actually” and “holy fuck flashcloning is unethical as sin” was a fun mental exercise#can you tell I'm an old hand in the SCP fandom? because this basically felt like writing a piece for the Ethics Committee#(not that I've ever published anything on the SCP wiki - that shit stays firmly in my Google Docs and the Discord messages of my friends)#I'm looking forward to seeing the feedback to this one; both in and out of character - I suspect this one's gonna be controversial#(also - addressing the elephant in the room: Phoenix is older than I draw her; both she and Slipshod have been with MSMC for about 15 years#(as has been stated in prior tales Kennedi has only been here for 12 years - she may be less experienced but she sure knows how to lead)
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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.
he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.
a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).
but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.
and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.
he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.
and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal
#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about#religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk#maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about#how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks#btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian#piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into#the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general#and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj#i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me#like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly#and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway#moral orel#orel puppington#(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed#i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his#but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow#christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha#but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3#(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)
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Mini Silverborn Countdown
If you’ve been around for a few years, you’ve seen me vaguely mention a “Silverborn Countdown Challenge” several times. It’s been delayed and changed as many times as the book itself, lol.
If anyone wants sort of a low-stakes, very chill and spaced out version of this ye olde never tackled challenge to complete in the next year before Silverborn, I propose what I’m doing:
Every 3 months leading up to the initial release, I am creating one thing based on each of the books.
January — Nevermoor
April — Wundersmith
July — Hollowpox
#nevermoor#nevermoor fanart#nevermoor fanfic#silverborn#silverborn countdown challenge#thank you theo for reminding me to post abt this on here. I am stealing the “mini” moniker (?) in return. lol.#this was in my drafts and I forgot to post it. happens a lot lol.#anyways if you’re reading this happy new years !#nine masterpost ver 1.0 dropping tomorrow evening prob bc I have had a headache all day and that’s the next time I’m free#now time to sleep. zzzzzz. perhaps I’ll have a prophetic silverborn dream. who knows.#I love giving myself set times to draw nevermoor things or just think about the series bc otherwise I go insane#literally thinking abt this stuff 24/7 it’s all I want to draw. But then I have to hold myself back + then end up never drawing anything lol#I have three big things planned for this like big pieces to work on over awhile and get myself out of my comfort zone#but idk what to draw for this first one. aahhhhh. excited for wundersmith and hollowpox though.#also I want to do a little animation for nevermoorian new years. which is on a leap day this year! how fun!!#I have an eternal nevermoor to-draw list that only gets bigger#sorry to the person that requested some Christmas stuff last year. I missed out and was gonna do it this year. then no time. so next year? 😅#also 🏆 to anyone that ever reads my ramblings in my tags. I am so insane about nevermoor especially. <333
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My work ordered ceramic tiles for a project we were going to be doing as a company bonding thing, but we didn't get Glazed tiles like we needed, so I now have an undetermined amount of matte tiles to do little doodles on!
Day one? Fucked up mushrooms that look like they should be in a fantasy game :]
Bonus, a wip and a pic of my menace old man who stole my work space when I looked away for -5 seconds.
#light's spot#my art#my goal is to make a bunch of random doodles on these tiles and then seal/grout them one day into a big art piece or something.#gonna do 1 per day if I can and see how long they last me!#these tiles were also how my coworkers figured out I could draw frfr#I do visual graphics but I'm still learning and there's no reason for me to do illustrations#and I drew a flower on my test tile for the#thing we were doing (when we found out they weren't what we needed) and I confessed I do Fun Art as my main Art Thing#like I've been drawing for fun since I was like 5 while I'm just kinda average at design which I started on like 3 years ago#anyways my excitement about the tile doodling time was rewarded with recieving the extra box they couldn't return :]
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apartment update: still no pictures cos everythings still Ass but that old desk of my sister in laws thats very nice and all but kind of in the way is gonna go to my old room in my parents house. and in its place im gonna get my old bookshelf from my old room. in my parents house
#its this like almost 20-year-old lundia that i think could do with an extra shelf piece#cos when it was first assebled i had this bigass cd/cassette player with big separate speakers#and theres this huge space to accommodate it all. i havent had that system in Years and now theres tons of empty air in there#where a Lot more books could fit#sure my record collections there but again i dont have a player. but i do have books. and they COULD fit that goddamn lundia#IF i only had EVEN THAT ONE extra shelf piece.#i do need to make an inventory of what books from that old shelf simply need to Go.#like for example i do Not need those hardcover finnish harry potter books#and i need to make a decision about the finnish hardcovers of dark towers 3 and 4#on the one hand story good on the other hand the translation makes me want to either kill myself or just. make a better translation#like the translations bad in ways that cant all be explained by sking being Like That#much like that shining translation i consulted for the finnish version of that gbu x shining fic. god that sucked ASS#i dont know if it was the same translator. but man. its like hey man do you like. Understand what youre reading. is this a first draft#anyway. the parents are going to the summer cottage tomorrow so the desk/lundia exchange wont happen till sometime next week#also also next week my brother and sister in law are coming over for tea (i need him to put up my curtains im too 160cm for that 😔)#and! im gonna get a pakig tomorrow. with a vacuum cleaner in it#home
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coping with things so well today so i’m bragging about it ✨
#had a SMALL emotional reaction to something but then like breathed through it and was very normal#and then something that might’ve made me feel kinda alone and insecure a year or two ago#actually just made me feel happy which is a MUCH preferable reaction#and one that matches the reaction in my head#my emotions are not me#they tell me things but they’re only a piece of the puzzle and I can still decide how I process things beyond the immediate emotions#also did a bunch more organizing of my stuff for packing#and wrote things in my planner for the first few weeks of school#I already have several plans and events!!!!#and instead of pushing someone away I suggested some plans a few months away#bc that gives both of us kinda a sense of security in the friendship?#they’re worried about losing me with me going back to school#and I’m worried about losing them bc they have kinda a major obsession w/ someone else rn#(which is pretty cute when my brain isn’t being an insecure dick)#so this makes us both be like ‘even if things change we still have plans and our friendship will withstand those changes’#anyway gonna get ready to go walk up a big hill for fresh air#today has been a good day overall#OH AND ANOTHER FRIEND DROPPED BY OUT OF THE BLUE#AND GAVE ME A HAND SEWN EMBROIDERED CHARM FOR BACK-TO-SCHOOL!!!!#and a little card about how they’re proud of me and will be there for me on this journey!#god now I’m gonna cry#I have the most amazing friends in the whole freakin world#personal
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Sier? I haven’t even met her! Laugh.
#keese draws#oc art#oc#ocs#eternal gales#today has been a shit day but Im feeling a bit better now that I’ve drawn sier#long story short one of my friends is being harassed by their ex#so I’ve been in a blinding rage all day and combined with me not getting enough sleep and cleaning all day today quite sucked#but hey. I drew sier and made them a new mini ref so that’s gotta count for something#but yeah sier my beloved I’ve been thinking abt them all day they’re just so cute and I love drawing them#I forgive them for being a human character they’re silly and have shapes#I now have only 4 eg refs to go I think? which is honestly a lot closer than I thought I was I thought this was gonna be another year of#last minute refs for artfight and some that don’t get remade but honestly this is super doable#rly the only big problem is going to be fydd since it’s been so long since I’ve drawn him properly#the other three are just dodie tali and bloom which shouldn’t be too bad at all#now idk if the icons are happening but it’s definitely feeling a lot more doable now so idk maybe I’ll get to some of them#key word maybe I make no promises#thankfully I don’t rly have any other ocs that I feel pressed to make new refs for so I can take it easy leading up to artfight this year#I’d like to get some of them icons but that’s not necessary#hopefully sier will get drawn this year she hasn’t been attacked since her old design from years ago lol#but sier is also a character I’ve gotten other pieces of art of over the years so I won’t be heartbroken if they keep getting ignored lol#I don’t rly know who I’d like to see attacked most tbh#obviously I’m always happy to see art of any of my ocs but usually I do have a preference#so Im excited to see who gets attacked even if it’s only a few of them#I’m willing to bet teke will get at least one attack I believe in him#hopefully teka gets drawn too I love her dearly as well#anyways shower time and then sleep time gn gamers
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Man garage sales are always so hit or miss
They should just have them set up in a big parking lot and have it be like a flea market so I dont have to keep getting in and out of my car for boring sales
We went to one this summer that advertised it being a "plant sale" as well and we were like oh that sounds fun!! Yeah they were selling mostly dead cuttings in water for $3 each. Bitch. And half dead succulents for $5 (tiny ones, not worth the price) and like the saddest little cacti for $4 it was so depressing man
Then we went to some yesterday and I got a lot of ornaments but nothing really fun like last summer when I got like 4 "cherished teddies" figurines for like $2 each
Like idk what it was but the citywide sale last year was FUN we went to like 5 different ones and one guy was selling dentist chairs and dental machinery from the 90s (his buddy was a dentist and had passed away from cancer, leaving the business to the friend. He had no experience nor desire so he was just trying to offload it).
We came home with so many bags of shit last year and this year it was like one bag and 90% was ornaments, some we got for free from an old church friend
I remember two years ago we went to this really big church garage sale and got so much shit then it started POURING RAIN so hard the tents concaved 😭 and the people running it were like "just give us $20 for the whole lot it's fine, you're drenched go." And my mom had to like reverse haggle them into taking $50 bc it was A LOT of stuff. Eventually she got them to take $20 for the items and a $20 donation sgdgdggd
The next year they moved it to an indoor venue and it was super organized. They declared they were never doing it outside again lmaooo
#marquilla#idk i just wanted to babble ab them sgdggdvd#church garage sales always have a lot of shit and you can find good stuff for real cheap bc they're always like oh shit we didnt expect yall#to 'donate' THIS much shit 😰 and then price stuff super low like precious moments for $2 when you can easily get upwards of $10 bc theyre#still highly collectable (ask me how i know (; ) like they retail in stores for $50-100 especially the disney ones like people will FIGHT#over them 😭 its wild#i always feel bad when i see big collections at individual garage sales bc that usually means grandma died and we need to get rid of this#but also i will still gladly riffle through the collection and see if grandma and i had similar taste in PMs sgsgdggdgdgdgd#i saw a sad boy clown one yesterday and i was gonna get it for my bashful girl clown one but it was too meh for me agdgdgdggd#im hoping there will be cherished teddies at the other church sale this summer 👀 i got some wonderland themed ones last year and was so#hyped agdgdggd the alice one ive yet to see irl but its not as cute as the ones i found sgdgdgdg i even got the heart rose bush piece!
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I’m so busy that I don’t have time for things that aren’t school or work but I’m also zelda brainrotting again so I’ve just been occasionally going into my zelda of power au master doc and writing a few random paragraphs of fic in no actual order. will I ever pull these random thoughts together into an actual fic and post it? who knows. here’s some ganon content since I’ve shared basically nothing about him.
#zelda of power au#one of these days I’ll draw him I’m actually quite fond of him#14 year old triforce of courage boy keeps getting harassed by the ghost of his former self more at 11#the vibe I’m going for is like. yknow in the wizard of earth sea how ged has to confront his shadow self but it’s not about fighting#it’s about like. growth#yeah#big themes of Destiny in this#if you’re Destined to be evil are you doomed to be. what if you don’t want to be evil#also what if you have the courage piece and 14 year old stubbornness#originally he was gonna be older than zelda and link and then I was like. yknow what#ganon is so unambiguously evil in every zelda game#I think to make him sympathetic in light of that I gotta take measures. such as making him an Actual Child#desolation of hyrule#the desolation of hyrule#I don’t remember what my tags for this au are uhhh#zop au
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It's not a lot, but I've managed to write a few more pages of AWLB part 2 after barely being able to even open the doc it's in lately. I count that as a small, but nonetheless, good, little victory.
#insomniac hyena rambles#I'll get it done eventually#just gotta chip away at it#I'm nervous af about going back into work. but. I have my plan for how to move forward settled nicely in my head too#one way or another. I think it's all gonna work out fine#I feel... oddly optimistic XD;#I think the main thing frustrating me now is well. trying to occasionally poke at reworking my old OCs#I want to make them like. less physically attractive to avoid... certain outcomes#but i swear. every updated sketch I try for most of them they look /more/ “attractive”#I don't want them to be like. not fun for me to play with. but I definitely can't have them on art fight next year where they might see em#without getting really uneasy and worried over a repeat of. things. >.>#but also. maybe WWLWWF AU fic starting before the year ends?#big maybe on that though#I need to figure out like. enough story points and beats to make a real simple outline to guide me#WWLWWF is sorta. more of just a feeling it out. vibes. etc kinda feeling story to me#but I still want it to be more than just a collection of one shots#something with a story that connects in places and bounces along the beats of the chapters and scenes#but is sorta just. soft. characters interacting. learning their lives from little pieces as you go kinda thing#I have a lot of thoughts on WWLWWF that don't fully connect into a big picture yet
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Pausing my op marathon so I can watch the movies and other shows while the current arc keeps going 🫡🫡
#also wano was such a thing.... like so well constructed.... so much background.... can't believe i am nearly caught up. this is insane#i am like 2 months too soon. i thought i was gonna spend the whole uni year watching it. well.....#i think dressrosa was good but at the same time luffy doesn't have the connection to the people of the island he has in wano or others...#it is mostly law's story that pulls you in and that's good but i love me my luffy so wano and what they did to get to gear 5.... too good#just saying shit at this point... retrospective i guess....#gyojin island was great to me bc it was mostly lore and i loved the end with jinbe#and shirahoshi and luffy were too good together. rude little man and a big ass scared siren. incredible showstopping#punk hazard was too funny. had a blast and law was a menace... also tashigi my friend tashigi... and smoker....#wci was emotional to say the least. luffy suffered more than jesus but somehow sanji cried more which i loved to see....#NOW i would have liked for wano to be zoro's story too... which kinda was but i wish he had important relationships with people that are not#luffy or his swords you know. but tashigi wasn't there and i think she is central to where his character is going so. i will wait i guess...#goodbye my sweet darlings.... buggy is waiting for me in the title screen of the next episode but i have to say goodbye for now....#i will see you in your non canon movies.... farewell.....#fuck i have exams next week... this is so bad for my op marathon stats.....#talking tag#watching one piece
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Feel like I am absorbing as much as my father after his death as possible. I will carry on his Legacy. I will be the Biker (in time). I am already the weapon collector (though with knives, not guns). I even have accepted owning a minions mug, something I swore would never happen (I hate those fucking things), just bc it makes me think of him.
Maybe he's gone now, but I'm gonna make damn sure to live a continuation of his life... just in my own way, lol
#speculation nation#like how im taking so much of his clothes. im absorbing some of his masculinity too#i own so many harley things now. like tshirts and such. my dad had so many.#and. well. i did end up deciding to take his little revolver. though that's with more of a grave observance than anything else.#guns are. scary. and i think it's ludicrous that i dont even need a permit to own a gun here#but it's my dad's. and at least a revolver is less scary than like. a pistol.#less easy to accidentally go off. u gotta pull back the hammer every shot and everything.#guns are scary and i dont like them. but it was my dad's. a pretty big part of his life.#i was raised being taught basic gun safety rules. brought to a shooting range at 9 years old#i couldnt even hold up the rifle i was so small.#never went since then bc i didnt care for it. but it's still... something so intrinsic to him in my mind.#so in this Too. i will be continuing his legacy. at least a little bit.#we r gonna be selling most of his guns. but not that one.#it's so tiny. it fits so well in my little hands. i kind of love it almost as much as i fear it.#oh well. i'll be careful. i was taught to never forget the danger a gun can be.#a part of me also is like 'omg a revolver. like what vash uses!' which ok maybe that's part of why i went to the revolver too#though the primary reasons are. it's a Tiny piece. and also itd be Really difficult to accidentally shoot it.#bc u gotta full on cock it back And pull the trigger. that aint gonna happen by accident.#but yeah not to be Stereotypical American but yea guns sure do exist here#and it's in my family too. i want the gun to remember him by. even if i dont ever end up using it.#(tho ive contemplated taking it to a range at least once just to get a feel for actually shooting it#Just In Case i ever end up needing to use it for like. home invasion self defense or smth#which is. another Smaller reason for me to have it. things to think about.)
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hii @pierogish-side!!! thank you for tagging me!! <3
Last song: This could be us by Rae Sremmurd
Favorite color: mmm really feeling brown rn
Currently watching: OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH WOOHOO!! its so fun (everyone is going through it)
Last movie: The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar dir. Wes Anderson
Currently reading: im currently studying for uni so im stuck at Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett and The Course of Love by Alain de Botton :(
Sweet/spicy/savory: sweet forever and always
Relationship status: uhhh im dying and rebirthing from my ashes 👍
Current obsession: .....kiribaku..... im back at it again OTZ
Last things I googled: wes anderson (so i could find out what the above movie was called lmao), werewolf (singular), boku no hero academia wiki episodes (this is a call for help)
Currently working on: im in my last year of uni (lmao pierogish... 😭) and i need to finish it so im studying really hard!!! (and trying to not give up) but itll probably be a while until i get my degree. also i bought an old polaroid from a thrift shop and im thinking of making it work
tagging: @skijjiki, @livingonyoghurtandspite,@peachybeesplease, @horson, @mars-matrix
#guys im gonna go back to my bnha era..... this was almost 5 or 6 (??) years ago and i was so happy but like.........#its been so long.........#i miss kiribaku so much and i hadnt had the mood for bnha since season 3 aired#i know whats going on in the manga (bc im noisy) and my interest is piqued and i probably will start reading the manga from the beginning#(im not kidding when i say this is a call for help)#if uni wasnt killing me softly (without a song or anything nice) and life was a little less uh 'much' i would have been reading so much#fanfic and (hopefully) drawing ;-;#i miss drawing#cant wait to reread chonideno's krbk fanfics!! they sure wont break my heart in tiny little pieces!! again!! (big faves please give them#a read if you want)#also i accidentaly (fate?) saw what 'mouthful' means in the 'you said a mouthful' sense and it has a positive meaning#specifically it means 'you are right'#'tasteful' has also positive meaning and 'touchful' doesnt exist (yet?) so thats how far ive come to my research#also completely irrelevant with anything ive said before but please if you can check out duolingo's insta profile and tell#me im not hallucinating#specifically the last and third to last posts. its one photo and one video#does it look like im stalling from my studies? (please say no)#get tagged#onion talks#i hope this whole thing didnt brought you a headache like it did to me...... theres a mismatch of so many different things.........#if you made it this far im gonna share with you one of my favorite songs im listening rn: brutus (Instrumental) by the buttress
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cool albums i listened to in 2022 pt. ii and this time it's strictly 2022 albums
Another Life - Nadine Khouri
Moonage Daydream - Bowie/Morgen
Electric Cowboy: Born in Carolina Mud - Boulevards
Omnium Gatherum - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Cowboy Ballads Pt. 1 - Jesse Tabish
all of us flames - Ezra Furman
Multitude - Stromae
Stup Forever - Stupeflip
Teatro Lucido - La Femme
#all of us flames is the one I'd beg you to listen#cuz it's genuinely. a piece#I think about its opening and ending tracks so often#it doesn't try to be this big political statement album ezra is expressing her grief and fears and convictions#in such a personal way. that still lets people in yk the kindred spirits#the music is great but her songwriting and story telling are so unique and amazing and ugh.#and also im gonna sound so pretentious be ready#but she doesn't deserve to be remembered for bein the sex education netflix soundtrack#when she wrote this album#that starts with the most poignant metaphore. and ends with another most poignant metaphore.#'and what do your rainbows do here on the ground?' jfc#cowboy Ballads is also a magnificent quarantine album#and to everyone who hasn't watched moonage daydream YET. treat yourself and happy new year
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work was so bad the last couple days tho. disregarding the fun readings it was like 90% trying to fix problems that other people were just breathtakingly unwilling to fix
#I AM DOING YOUR JOB AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE'S#FUCK OFF ON ACCUSING ME OF NOT DOING IT WELL ENOUGH WHEN I AM PROVABLY DOING IT BETTER THAN YOU#me: 'these parts do not fit bc part y is too large. i measured qty x of part y at 3 locations and qty n of part m and y is out of spec'#them: 'the parts are perfect. maybe you're measuring wrong '#subsequently: 3 other people measure and find that I am correct and the parts are too big#this is by far far far not the worst thing it's just the one on top of my mind#we've had problems w part quality and inspection for SO LONG and every time I measure things and find problems I'm accused of mismeasuring#never an offer to inspect again#and then every time I am right#when i raise the alarm over supplier fabricated data I get dismissed until I literally raise it to the head of the department#when I say 'this piece is gonna fail in five years in a substantial portion of assemblies' and they're like 'you're being far too dramatic'#and then we actually do accelerated testing them and they fail in five six seven four years#not to mention the tech who. got parts to pass. by RAISING THE TOLERANCE ALLOWABLE TOLERANCE ON THE REPORT#like it is actively jeopardizing the production line to have so many parts this bad reach the floor. yield is gonna be super low#and it is also TANKING morale of everyone on the line.#people yelling and fighting#me I'm just keeping my cool while mentally (1) laying facedown on the floor and (2) eating my whole laptop#next person who attacks my work while defending shitty work can eat my entire ass#and the next person who defends THAT person. can also. eat my entire ass.#wailing and biting and gnashing of teeth#negative
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