#also on holidays now so maybe expect more art or something

[will-bonna]

chilling

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Witte Solstice - Chapter 31

Cover art by @leespinoodle.

Fic written by me (enchantedchocolatebars) and @leespinoodle.

Summary: It's winter in the Boiling Isles, and Caleb prepares to celebrate the solstice with his wife, his friends… and hopefully, with Beardo Philip! Philip swears he'll never partake in the satanic holidays of those demonic witches. But when Caleb invites him over for the solstice… maybe he'll find himself making an exception.

Ao3 version

(AAA, LAST CHAPTER!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STORY IS GOING TO BE OVER AFTER THIS!!! 😭 😭 😭 Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it, and a special thanks to @leespinoodle for being my companion throughout this writing journey! I highly recommend checking out their works since they're a really talented writer. This story, in particular, will always mean a lot to me since it's my first ever completed collaborative fic with a friend. I'll always go back and reread it whenever I can. But anyway, yeah! Hope everyone has a Happy New Year + a flourishing 2025! I'm defo going to be taking a small break after this (TIRED), but expect to see more fics, fic requests, headcanons, written works, etc. from me in the future. I'LL ALSO BE GETTING TO THE ASKS IN MY INBOX!)

Enjoy!

Soft golden light arose in the sky the next morning as Beardo Philip gently stirred in his sleep.

When he awoke, he let out a longish yawn, sitting up in bed to stretch his arms.

His blue eyes soon began to survey the spare room he was in, recalling a few of the events from yesterday.

Philip remembers having spoken to Caleb, as well as being led into this room after their talk.

Fables such as "The Ant and the Grasshopper" and "The Lion and the Mouse" were also fresh in his mind... for some odd reason.

Slipping out of the quilt that covered him, Philip headed to the door.

...

Caleb sat at the kitchen table, nursing a hot whiskey tonic. He looked up as Philip stepped out of the spare room. "Good morning," he said softly. "How are you feeling? I'd imagine you have quite the headache."

The second Caleb said that, Philip felt the pain in his head return.

"Ugh, don't remind me...," he calmly groaned, taking a seat at the table. "I'm fine, by the way. Slept fairly well. You?"

"I barely slept a wink," Caleb admitted. "The last of the guests left shortly after dawn, so I just laid down for a bit before getting up to make myself a tonic. Would you like one?"

Philip gave a slow, restful nod. "A tonic sounds fine. Is it feasible for you to make tea as well?" he requested.

"Of course." Caleb stood to set a kettle on the stove. "Anything to eat? We have bread and pottage from yesterday's supper."

"I'll have bread," Philip calmly spoke to Caleb as he tried piecing together the sober apology he was planning on making to the elder.

In his mind, it was long overdue.

Once the tea and tonic were done, Caleb brought them over to the table, along with a loaf of bread and a knife. "Here you are. Something on your mind?"

"Thank you." With breakfast now in his possession, Philip took hold of the wooden teacup, curling his fingers around the handle as he brought it to his lips, blowing the steam that arose from the liquid.

After a long sip, he released a breath.

The tea was black and plain, just how he liked it.

He set the cup down.

Philip was unprepared for Caleb's question.

It was evident to the elder that there was something on his mind.

"Hm?!" Philip went, quickly shifting his gaze to his teacup as he saw his reflection ripple through the liquid like little waves until it stilled.

He soon sighed, looking up at Caleb with regretful eyes.

"It's just..." Philip sighed once more. "I'm… I'm sorry, Caleb. For yesterday. I... very much regret not making a genuine arrival to your party. And..." Philip drew a long, deep breath and let it out.

"... I apologize for not visiting you often. I know that Yule is over, but I had a gift that I wanted to give you. I'm not sure if it'll mean much now."

"A gift? You didn't have to bring me a gift. You know that spending time together would have been enough of a gift for me," Caleb said, sitting back down.

Philip nodded. "I understand. However, I still wish to give you what I made. It's something I know you'll find fetching. View it as a humble apology gift from me to you. Would you mind opening your hands up?"

Caleb tilted his head questioningly but held out his hands.

Reaching a hand into his pocket, Philip pulled out his gift and placed it into Caleb's hands.

Caleb held a cute, delicately painted carving of a small yellow duckling with an orange bill and black eyes that had white pupils within his palms.

The bill was meticulously crafted to make the duck look cheerful.

As a small gag, the duck's lively aura is complimented by a single squeaky noise that acts as a quack.

Caleb gently cradled the wooden duckling in his hands, marveling at the craftsmanship. He smiled softly. "Thank you, Philip. It's lovely."

With closed eyes, Philip returned Caleb's expression as he felt the heavy burden of shame and regret that he once felt lifted from his back by his brother's smile. "You're quite welcome." He soon opened his eyes.

"Also, Caleb, if it's not too much trouble, could you let your cardinal know that I offer my deepest apologies to him? Admittingly, I wasn't the kindest to young Pancake the other day."

"That's not his... Alright, I'll let him know," Caleb said.

…

After breakfast had concluded, Beardo Philip was ready to return to his cave.

He smiled a small, somewhat gloomy smile.

"I... guess this is goodbye then...," Philip spoke as he sighed, his tone soft and tender as he turned to face Caleb while standing near the front door, now dressed in his blue coat.

The brunette did his best to avoid sounding too down about his departure.

Caleb reached out to pull Philip into a hug. "Remember, you're always welcome here. Don't be a stranger, now."

Philip's smile went soft as he hugged his brother back, happy to be in his caring and kind embrace. "I'll make sure to remember that, Caleb Clawthorne."

[genderqueerdykes]

hi hi. i saw you answer that ask about finding places to be social without alcohol and i figured i'd ask something as well. feel free to ignore if it's a dumb question, but i was wondering if you have advice for finding friends/a support group in general? specifically as someone who maybe doesn't have much money to spare most of the time?

the last time i went to a meetup i felt like i couldn't really connect to anyone. they were all talking about having jobs and houses and i just spend a lot of my time on the computer. but it hurts to see others with deep connections with people while i'm just floating around on my own. sorry if this sounds trauma dumpy. >_<

good question!

socializing is hard for everyone in the way we've structured society right now, so you're not alone. most people do not get a consistent way to socialize with others and it's hard to be able to frequent a place enough to start to get to know anyone. it's also very hard to tell what spaces and businesses are queer friendly and which ones are not

i have a small number of suggestions and i'm open to whoever wants to participate adding on. i've found that libraries have tons of groups for things that you'd never expect like DnD nights, esports/fighting game tournaments, movie viewings, Lego clubs, group meetings for certain programs in your city including activist groups, book clubs, and literally so much more. they also tend to have posters and information about fun things going on in your area such as concerts, cultural events and holidays, performances, live events, and queer locations and spaces in town

a good way to get started with this kind of thing is examining your personal hobbies and seeing if you can look up groups on social media sites such as facebook, instagram and reddit to see if you can find groups and postings about things going on in your area. if you're able to frequent an event that's even better because people will get to know you. you don't have to be a social butterfly to make friends, often times going to the same event multiple times can start a friendship

queer groups can be found on social media as long as they're safe to operate in your area. there will be a lot of alcohol at bars and clubs but often times you can find more casual spaces that host queer events like art galleries/shop, coffee shops, ice cream shops, any type of small, queer owned business. sometimes people will rent out parking lots or other spaces to create a sober space for all ages events. it will depend on how safe this is in your area. you will usually be able to find out about this on instagram or facebook, it's best to try to search for "LGBT (events, etc.)" and go from there

otherwise you can find meetups for gamers, sports fans, writers, artists, musicians, literally whatever hobbies you're in to. you can just attend certain events and not really participate, if you want to just be in a social space around other people. easing yourself into socializing works best. clubs are really for people who are highly social and can adapt to a fast paced environment. many people aren't into that and that's alright

if anyone else has any advice feel free to chip in, i wish you the best of luck, take care for now, stay safe out there

[cconfusedkat]

(shaking hands, functioning on three iced coffees, not beta read we just die) (LIL BRO TREATING THIS LIKE AO3Anyways yeah i did not read anything i typed here a second time so my wording might Suck Major Kuss)

Hey chat! sorry my holiday depression unfortunately kicked in, i had a ,, relatively decent Eid (cuz i dont celebrate christmas) ...? so i hope everyone had a relatively better holiday than i did… 💦

My friends often tell me i look like my art and i kinda see it. Hooray! Meeting the artist! Except i took matters into my own hands of making my own collage because I Do Not Have Enough Storage Space For Any Other Editing App

Additional shitpost ❤️ the art I've been most proud of are not actually in here, really! I'm mainly proud of the fanart i made for the few smiling critters AU's aaaall the way back feb-march but. I guess the stuff i liked the most i did this year was probably for the one who wilts? Im trying to think of stuff earlier than that. I noticed i definitely had an improvement in art, and i learned i do have a preference of drawing certain ways now too lmao- the fun of art! I hope to improve more in 2025 :-)

Herm,, all jokes aside, im glad people like my art...?? I am not a very Secure artist myself (already taking me five minutes to type that out and consider myself as an artist) so im SHOCKED when people Actually like my things. My doodles. The sometimes rare occasion of real art i put out there. Like! Wow! Thats crazy

Id have to say the same for youtube- im currently at 456 subscribers 🥺❤️ that is huge to me,, i wouldnt have expected me posting for the first time in years on youtube would result to me getting this many subscribers? ? .???

Im very, VERY thankful for the people ive met this year through fandom and generally. Unfortunately—for the past few months—Ive hit a really low stump in my mental health that limits me from talking to people without getting super drained, even on social media i kinda struggle with being active again. I am thankful for the people that continue to stick around and know im the way that i am,, one day ill be mentally stronger and everyone is gonna see my growth as soon as i can ,, Actually leave my own home and hopefully start a new. I didnt really consider that until one of my friends shared its experiences with me and i GENUINELY realized i can run away and get better one day,, there is a light at the end of the tunnel,, there IS,, but not now. Not today. Not in a few months. Itll take me years to heal but 2025 and ongoing years as i get more freedom to do so,,

UHHHH UHHH. ASIDE FROM CHEESY RANTING OF HAVING HOPES FOR THE FUTURE, YAPYAPYAP- i got a drawing tablet (again another thing my friend inspired me for- technically two major things in a row it inspired me for- hope in the future and drawing BWAHAHA-) and uhhh. HmMMOOHHH YEAH I REUNITED MY MEOWMEOWS! HOORA🎊🎊🎊🎊

my 2025 goals are not just improvement in art,, but in hopes of getting a full time job (since my last full time UMM. did NOT work out well! How am i gonna learn to pay my taxes on my own dawg,) and trying to get a place of my own since i missed out on that two years ago (or one? One year ago? I DUNNO..!!!!) , therapy and trying to heal better compared to my terrible stumps of 2022-2024,, i dunno what else but. Maybe working on my social skills at some point 🗿🗿 a far fetched goal is moving out of state completely and also going on testosterone but that is farrrr from now </33

Thank you lot for following and keeping up with my goofiness i gen did not think an animanga nerd with a passion of indie and mascot horror games could reach 510 followers within one year HELPPP thats crazy

On less serious goals though i hope on watching more animes than reading manga in 2025 BWAHAHAGAHSAJD i read manga more and anime is Extremely Rare for me to watch but both jjk and Beastars have all ive been watching as of recent lol- trust i will be such a geek (girl Please that is NAWT something to look forward to) (YES IT IS. HAVE YOU NO WHIMSY?)

[sitp-recs]

Do you know Drarry fics, where Harry is overworked and/or exhausted by his posr war life and Draco is the one who is instrumental in helping Harry? Xo

Hi anon! Sure, these are some of my favorites - I expanded your ask to also include anxious/apathetic/depressed Harry, hope that’s ok :)

Unseen by astolat (M, 11k)

When he wasn’t wearing it, he got jumpy, always waiting for someone to come at him wanting something—and now they did it even more urgently, if they ever saw him, because most of the time, nobody did.

Poor Unfortunate Souls by DoubleApple (E, 19k)

Draco is a potioneer. Harry is trying to save his sex-challenged marriage. Everything is a mess, but at least there's an octopus in the lobby.

Fearful Trill by Vukovich (E, 29k)

Harry should have come out and met someone when he was younger. He should have seen a doctor about the pain in his hip while youth was still on his side. Now, he's made his peace with dying young, but maybe not with dying alone.

This is Never Happening Again by hpleems (M, 32k)

“Potter,” Malfoy said, shaking his head. “Do I look like I care about your holiday plans? Trust me: this is *never* happening again.”

Open For Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast (M, 35k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

Touch by bixgirl1 (E, 45k)

When Harry is referred to a professional cuddler for the soothing power of touch, he’s dubious — even more so when the Cuddler who shows up turns out to be Malfoy. But in the years since the war, Malfoy’s changed, and over the next several days Harry is confronted by how much he still doesn’t know about this new version of his old enemy — and by how much he wants to learn.

In The Red by bixgirl1 (E, 45k)

When Harry goes looking for a vampire at a Creature club, the second-to-last thing Harry expects is to find Malfoy working there.

Unseen by Jackvbriefs (T, 47k)

Harry Potter finally has the chance to leave England and its expectations for The Chosen One behind for good. All he has to do is survive one Auror training conference overseas with Draco Sodding Malfoy.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (M, 49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Meet Me at Midnight by thestarryknight (T, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse. That is, until he stumbles upon the surreal and beautiful world of a mysterious fae creature…

Modern Love by tackytiger (E, 61k)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

The Way Down by lettered (T, 65k)

Harry is overwhelmed by his own power and fame and angst, so he's become a hermit. Draco Malfoy is tired of the melodrama.

Harry Potter and the elusive day off by pleasebekidding (E, 71k)

Auror Potter needs a fucking break. He is wiped. He is exhausted. He probably didn't intend to put himself into a magical coma but these things happen. And who cares, really? He is comfortable in a house where he has hidden away all the shit he can't deal with.

Kept in Cages by sweet_s0rr0w and art by ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 76k)

Deep in the heart of the Ministry lies the Beast Division: a hidden room where ancient beasts roam, and winged creatures soar, and grumpy giant ferrets eat all your biscuits unless you keep them well hidden. Draco Malfoy would know – he’s been working there for five years now, after all.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography. An invitation to the Hogwarts class of 1998's 15th reunion isn't welcomed by either of them, but neither could predict how the night, and their reunion, will upend their lives.

The Liars Department by DorthyAnn (T, 103k)

This is a story about Harry meeting up with Draco Malfoy four years after the war. And a story about Harry, well, not hating his job per say, but it's not like he has much to compare it to and it seemed fine. His whole life seemed fine. Then Malfoy came along with and his flashy suits and fast car making everything seem dull in comparison, and Harry... Harry couldn't just leave well enough alone.

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (M, 131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Any Instrument by dicta_contrion (E, 131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

where all the veins meet by eight_of_wands (E, 146k)

It's the summer of 1998. The battle is over, and Voldemort is dead, but Harry still has more questions than answers. Who is he without a piece of Voldemort's soul in his head? What is he supposed to do now?

[thebarontheabyss]

Hey, wassup homie. If you have the time and patience, can you eat what I decided to cook 🔥🔥 (I am so cringe).

For the holiday season, I never experienced the joys of making gingerbread houses. So I hope to see such euphoria somewhere else. Your lovely cast decided to make gingerbread houses. How exactly good are said houses, what special decorations do they have, whose house is about to crumble to bits?

Hi there, bro! (Oh god the cringe 😭)

Firstly, I really want to express my deepest condolences about your gingerbread housing situation. Hope you are getting better!

Now for the prompt…

Death, ever the gentle soul, constructs a gingerbread house that's as sweet as it is wobbly. Constantly apologizing to the gingerbread for any perceived mishandling, their creation is whimsically lopsided, much like their approach to life (and death).

Lilith/Damien conjures a devilishly decadent gingerbread palace with sugar-spun flames and candied brimstone. The grandeur is impressive, but one can't help but wonder if a touch of hellfire wasn't used in baking.

Morgan/Morgana, as can be expected, first uses magic to conjure up an ethereal gingerbread house that shimmers with enchantments. Pepper, however, is quick to criticize this magical shortcut. Chastened, the witch tries a hand at mundane construction, only to end up with a crumbled mess.

Peisinoe crafts a theatrical gingerbread stage with cookie performers and an icing-draped backdrop; it's less of a house and more of a tribute to the arts. They will nonchalantly say that the stage is their house if you ask them why they made it.

Yaga meticulously assembles a gingerbread abode that epitomizes precision and efficiency. Each candy is methodically placed, each icing line flawlessly straight. Her grumbles about the frivolity of the task don't stop her creation from being the most structurally sound of the lot.

Hastur's creation mirrors his nature - stoic, imposing, and surprisingly intricate. His gingerbread fortress, complete with marzipan defenses and licorice guards, is not just practical, but also tastes the best.

With her innate cheerfulness, Shelly crafts a gingerbread house that radiates warmth and joy. Adorned with colorful candies and frosting with just the right amount of sweetness, the house almost resembles a bar - maybe a nostalgic nod to her own lost home.

Lastly, He Without Name creates something less of a house and more of an abstract representation of home. It's a minimalist structure, challenging the concept of a gingerbread house. The others will try to figure out what to make of it, but it's undeniably intriguing.

The Raven can't exactly build a gingerbread house, but he would definitely enjoy criticizing all the others.

[iraprince]

I adore all your art with cookie and was interested in Sapphicworld- but I’m curious (so plz don’t take this as a negative-) what exactly in your opinion sets it apart from other Queer PBTA hacks like Thirsty Sword Lesbians?

I’d just really like to hear your thoughts about it as a system and world especially given you are a indie developer yourself?

hi!! thank you!!

so, a few caveats before i start off — one, i actually haven't played many other pbta games (like for example i know Of thirsty sword lesbians + own a copy that i've poked around in but im not very familiar w it), so i honestly can't provide much in the way of comparing/contrasting it w other pbta stuff in the same vein, and my impressions of sapphicworld are pretty much just contained to the game as its own thing, not so much sapphicworld as a Type Of Game

and two, while i am a dev myself, i'm a huge novice! like, i'm proud of the stuff i put out and i love doing it, but i personally feel like my lack of experience is such that like, i don't think my opinions in this case are particularly informed by my own work as a dev or anything. all this to say im happy to answer this question, i think i just gotta tackle it from a different frame than what ur specifically asking!

BUT ANYWAY. i can still talk abt why im so excited abt sapphicworld in a way that has kind of outstripped other stuff in general, and for me it's about the world 100%. like i honestly spend close to no time thinking abt the fact that sw is even pbta to be honest. not that the mechanics + gameplay aren't important, bc they are thoughtfully crafted and well done and fun, and i'm saying that from the perspective of someone who playtested earlier versions that have now been reworked! it's just like, not what comes to mind first for me — what's exciting and fresh and irreplaceable abt the game in my mind is like. it is fully committed to immersing you in an extremely lush, strange, richly fleshed out world, one with a long history and folklore/mythology and a TON of really fun npcs who all have different subcultures and its own calendar with seasonal holidays and regional terrain with specific fleshed out dungeons/towns/etc to discover and even like, specific FOODS typical to each different region and and and and —

and maybe at first that seems kind of overwhelming, and tbh it is. when i first got into it and i was going thru the playtest document (which if im remembering right was like. ~300 pages shorter at the time than the current playtest doc) i DO remember anxiously thinking to myself "god this is a LOT and idk if i'll be able to retain enough of this to rp convincingly" etc etc. but like... it's just really compelling, and it does an incredible job of mixing humor and gravity and horniness in a perfect ratio that always comes across as intensely earnest and makes it equally easy to have a fun goofy time or a really emotional time, which i think is REALLY hard to do.

and while normally it's hard for me to get thru something that dense and long all i can really say is that i just straight up like it enough and was charmed by it enough to pick away at it until i grasped it and felt like i understood a bunch about the world, which also has a curve to it bc in structure and tone its very different from any of your... idk more Standard fantasy or sci fi worldbuilding, so it's not like u can immediately slot in ur expectations from other settings and just learn some new vocab words, it's a world that from my perspective also Functions differently than a lot of other fictional settings in a way that's a little hard to describe succinctly. (none of this is succinct to begin with but ykwim). it makes me want to gm my own campaign, really really bad, when usually i have always been absolutely Terrified of the idea of gming! idk man. it has a Flavor. it's full of Vapors. u get transported somewhere else reading it and playing it in a way i haven't experienced in a while and a lot of times after a playtest session i felt like my brain stayed behind in sapphicworld for a pretty long time.

i feel like i am sounding a little melodramatic and incoherent but like. genuinely sapphicworld is just a fictional world that i am really bone-deep charmed by and interested in and when i WAS reading thru the rulebook for those first days it did not take me long at all to find myself constantly thinking "i want to play in this world, i want to play in this world, i can't wait to play in this world," and i just think that's really special. and like — just as your curiosity abt comparing sw to tsl was not intended as a diss or a negative, what im abt to say is similarly neutral — im a person who sometimes finds it a little difficult to click with or feel excited abt a lot of the Queer Indie Stuff that i see get popular with other people, bc it just doesn't connect w my specific lesbian + trans experience; not that it feels inauthentic but that im like, oh, idk, i think these guys are just. not My Zone, ykwim. on the flip side so much of the humor and heart and transness and sex in sapphicworld is something that really resonates w me and just Clicks in a way that i have also found really special.

rounding myself off before i ramble for like five more paragraphs but just as one more morsel of something i like abt sapphicworld that is a little more concrete than me spinning around the room yelling "I JUST LIKE IT OKAY": one of the most fun parts of character creation is getting to mix and match your kind (sort of like ancestry/species, the form ur physical body takes) with a subculture. so u get things like a werewolf babe (cookie! babe being a subculture that focuses on being Like, Totally Hot), or a centaur knight, or a minotaur debaucher, or a vampire cowboy, or an organist (cthulu-y tentacle guy) scenester, or a skeleton wizard, etc etc etc etc — there are SO MANY to pick from that when i was trying to bait my friends into playing w me i couldn't find a convenient way to list them all so ppl could start thinking abt their characters. and every possible combination basically is interesting and amusing and fun and practically THROWS a great oc into your lap and i literally think i could amuse myself endlessly just Making Characters in sapphicworld and never actually playing w them.

[panting, disheveled] so tldr. i like it. uh. what sets sapphicworld apart from other ttrpgs to me is that i have fallen balls to the wall in love with the very soul of it to the point where i don't even really think about it in comparison to other games at all and it has just become an Experience to me and i suppose i cannot guarantee anyone else will fall into insane homosexual hysteria in the same way but here we are. HOPE THAT HELPS

(ALSO PSSST. idk if this is just perfect timing or if ur curiosity was specifically prompted by this but the @sapphicworldttrpg patreon DID just launch and if any of this has been intriguing u should check it out. okay mwah bye)

[destructive-delight]

Does the "asks about something you talked about wishing you got asks about being tainted" still count if I was wondering about your advent art thing prior to you saying that but previously assumed it was rude to ask things about something that was supposed to be advent themed (like a surprise?) so I didn't but now I am? If so, sorry for overthinking that before and feel free to chuck this ask into a fire and ignore what is below.

But if it is okay:

The mixing of darker pieces for you to put up in between the wintery ones sounds fun af, but after seeing what I think was your title poll back before you deleted it, it had me wondering then if the advent arts themselves had a running theme or story in them beyond the winter/holiday thing?

And are you open to sharing any winter activities or holiday things that inspired what is to come?

ahh i would be lying if i said it didn’t sting a little to once again only get an ask after basically explicitly begging for one. though… i suppose in this case i get why you were hesitant before… maybe my perception is skewed because of how i view my own posts, but unless it’s a vent post i consider anyone making/reblogging a post about anything an open invitation to ask follow-up questions about it, so i’m always disappointed when no one wants to ask me any, especially when i keep coming back to the same subject. you’re right though, advent implies some level of secrecy and surprise… i didn’t really consider that…

that being said, thank you for taking the time to send an ask anyway! i’m not gonna chuck it into the fire, i’m gonna gently place it besides the fire as i proceed to answer the question in the most roundabout and long winding fashion i can muster:

the title i was considering (and currently am still unsure about) wasn’t meant to imply anything about the theme… it came to me in a flash of inspiration when most of the advent pieces were already finished tbh (°v°;;) the thing is, i refer to my plans as “advent posting”, which to most people would imply that it ends on december 24th or 25th, but since the Big Holiday™ for us is new year’s and i wanted to draw wintery, festive AND new-years’s-y pieces with the last one being posted on the 31st, i figured i need to give it a less… denominational title. i came up with some cheesier ones that referenced my username and whatnot, but “countdown to crisis” is probably still the best one i got. a countdown to the end of the year makes sense, and i expect 2025 to suck hard, so a more positive or cutesy title would just feel disingenuous. also if ones internet brainrot is terminal enough one might catch the explicitly christmassy reference in there. in my mind it fits on every level. still makes me cringe tho.

but yeah, no, there's no real running theme (´_`)

a lot of pieces are just cosy hang out scenes, some are only on theme by virtue of the character(s) wearing warm clothing, though at least one implies that presents have previously been exchanged.

one or two travel scenes, simply because i love travelling in winter.

lying sick in bed with a cold isn’t specifically a winter activity, but it doth happen more often in winter, so there’s some of that too.

i think i will draw one more festive piece, although i’m not sure yet what the theme will be. maybe a visit to the christmas market (a winter activity i enjoy, but i’m afraid i might not have the energy to draw that many details) or some cookie baking (something i don’t usually do in december because we get so many sweets gifted at work, but i do like the idea of it).

[goobie-goo]

was gonna fix the formatting but hhh so much work hhhhbgrggr

WORLDBUILDING

kismadoré

play on kismet (destiny)

something to do w a tree— the diff parts of town are called diff parts of tree. ex: the docks are called the roots -> (tree) bc ehe world tree

kisamadoré (called kisa/kisi for short… or kiscity… kis-city…) — KISMA MEANS HOME? maybe ‘free home’?

“refugee city” is an outsider’s nickname for it ig? i dont remember wiritng this much. i mean,, it IS refugee city after all.

Day of the Krow (DotK) - July 23rd

- town dallas n copperheads made during wilds arc made a holiday for dallas after his death called ‘Day of the Krow’ (DotK) to celebrate their independence and dallas’ leadership and mourn his death. lots of happy fesital stuff, not sad. imagime halloween, dia de los muertos, and the tangled damce scene.

- mass candle lighting and dancing all night. mariachi band all night

- face-painting and henna are common stalls, along with a giant poster for finger-painting

- people wear compass necklaces all day. OG copperheads wear their og necklaces from their squad— the next gen ones are silver and not bronze.

Remembrance Week - july 21-27th (HHAHSKDNS TODAY???? I DIDN’T REALIZE)

- a week of festivities decided to mourning the losses of loved ones from in the walls. again— lots of happy festival stuff, not sad.

- people gift mourners marigolds, gladiolus, chrysanthemums, white roses, or forget-me-nots.

- people will keep them in their house or on their person the entire week until midnight the last day, where people will gather to the lake-side then send the now wilted flowers gently down the lake. this represents a funeral passage* and letting your loved one pass on peacefully and with love.

- *lots of people who died didnt get a funeral because of mistreatment by the guards or their bodies were never found/disposed of already.

- theres quiet pockets for grievers if you need a break. theyre full of people who will support the mourners, talk to them or help get their mind off depressing thoughts.

- mass candle lighting ceremony

culture

- LANGUAGES

- english, japanese, russian, german, arabic, spanish, A LOT- basically any language

- kisman (mixed language for city)

- kisma means home

- hábi means mom

- PHRASES

- “blowing on a dandelion and waiting for it to sing” -> wishing for something/having a dream but not actually putting any effort into making it happen

- CURRENCY

- theyre nomads, dont have a currency bc focused on survival -> more bartering and community based to keep everyone alive. kinda carries over when the city is developed fully years after dallas’ death. -> in detail, more of a “hey, does anyone have ____ that i could borrow?” (several voices overlapping saying yes, they do and yes, they can borrow it). no need to buy anything, really.

- music

- doesnt matter what genre. the people are loud because we are alive! we are free! rejoice!

- many people love drums and violins and EDM though. be as loud as you can be. violin is popular because dallas loved it a lot and played many songs with it during the rebellion arc (specifically inspired by lindsey stirling).

- genres

- phonk, electro-swing, folk, electro-violin(?), will wood, etc

- clothing + accessories

- flowy clothing- dresses similar to flamenco or chicano? i have an image ill put at the bottom

- different designs but still has the BIG flowey and ruffle

- lots of jewelry and bells that make noise connected to them

- ankle bracelets and the ones that are on your feet also normal.

- jingly accessories in general are big

- piercings are common and people dont shame them.

- same w tattoos bc art is loved and appreciated. “your body is a temple and you choose how to decorate it” kinda thing

- bright clothing is common but its not expected. actually-

- NONE OF THIS IS EXPECTED!! people are accepted even if they dont dress according to the culture!

- food: (WIP)

- snow cones/ice cream

- funnel cakes

- baked potatoes

- tex-mex food is common

- dance:

- many different cultures mashed together

- commonly southern culture mixed with mexican

- flamenco, 20s flapper/charleston?, street dancing, country swing, boogie woogie(?), line-dances, some indigenous dances (LOOK INTO THESE)

- street dancing is very fast paced and not choreographed. you just join in and dance however you like.

- something like the kingdom dance scene from tangled

- dancing until dawn is common on holidays, esp DotK (day of the krow). people start the festivities at sunset and dancing starts at night. its party all night!

- some people dance in the rain to show thanks to The Syzygy.

- lots of clapping and stomping, swishing and swaying -> noise -> jangles bc accessories (or just the action makes noise) -> happy bc “we are alive and we must show it” kinda thing

- art:

- painting is big- esp finger-painting with kids

- all art is seen as sacred. no art is better than the other.

- nature connection

- animism elements

- nature is to be respected!

- its like a spiritual connection to nature but without the religion stuff

- people often get blessed by eyeless*. similar to holy water but in the eyeless respect-nature-way and not God-blessed-this-water. its more like ‘be more connected with nature’

- people dont stop everything when it starts raining. often people go outside and play in the rain. dancing in the rain is also common (rain dances) -> however you must go inside when you hear thunder to respect it or else it will get worse (superstition)

- people also dance FOR rain

- bc of this, gardeners and farmers are VERY important

- flowers

- carries over from the flower symbolism used during the rebellion arc

- crow & copperhead symbolism (bc “krow” and the Copperheads. dallas’ symbols and also bc copperheads were a group. the vets are still around btw)

- the stars are important too bc people who follow The Eyes consider the stars as members of The Eyes looking down on them. like,, the stars are Their eyes. therefore, throughout kismadoré, theres a lot of star and eye symbolism.

- side note, bc most people in the resistance followed The Eyes, most people in kismadoré do as well. its not forced onto the Eyeless, though.

- community

- bowls of dried petals are kept on the bridge over the river that leads to the lake so you can send a message to your lost one whenever. there are also little messages carved into the wood telling you that everything will be okay.

- these petals also function as a wishing fountain!! (not only the acorns) you make a wish to your/other’s ancestors, The Eyes, etc.

- “it takes a village to raise a child” thing. everyone is connected and close.

- games

- 42, chess, hide n seek, capture the flag, (WIP)

- MISC

- wind chimes, wind spinners, bottle trees, wishing wells but they wish on acorns bc they dont have coins for currency, flower wreaths, candle, weather vanes, COMPASSES

- busking

- street vendors!! all for farmers market and small lemonade stands. magicians too!

- cleansing w salt + throwing salt over shoulder, banging pots and pans (WIP)

* some term for people who follow the family (the eyes). they call themselves that bc, as mortals, they dont have Eyes like The Keepers do. (aka they arent all-knowing)

the image of the dress i was talking about! in my hometown, we had a fair on the square and thered always be a group of women who would dance in these dresses on a lil wooden stage. its one of my favorite things to see whenever im able to make it (which is hardly ever nowadays) (theyre the ones who inspired this btw) ->

im…. i…………

i want to live here so badly xi you have no idea

this little town…… they make noise because they are ALIVE goddammit and they will tell the world…………………

im. obsessed??? with the community mentality and the acceptance as like. a metaphor for not only leaving behind the physical Walls but also the social ones as well. im. unwell..

[korgbelmont]

Choices Insiders January 2025

Happy New Year to all! Hope 2025 has been good for everyone so far.

Here we go once more with the latest Insiders!

Looks like it's an all new team for this next book and going by the description, it sounds like the MC will be a coach of some form. It also sounds like that this time we have more than one Love Interest.

When I first saw the cover for this, I thought it was going to be a potential poly book, but that is definitely not the case from this description.

This sounds like it could be quite interesting, wonder if perhaps it will tie into The Phantom Agent with the Love Interest being a Phantom or if it will be something completely new.

The whole pilot book thing is an interesting one, and for some reason, I get the feeling it could just become the thing they go for rather than releasing books as a whole. I will admit, these are a couple of the many books I haven't got to yet.

When I learned of Best Served Haute ending with just five chapters, it was a bit strange given that some of the assets for it weren't used. And then I saw that they were working on more stuff for it which made me think that they'd rushed to release something unfinished, but now it sounds like it may have been one of their pilot books or something.

I have seen a lot of good stuff about Plus One (again, one I haven't got to yet), and I'm glad that those who enjoyed it are getting more. The wording though makes me think it's just going to be a small book rather than an official BK2.

I remember seeing the video posted about this from Holiday Bake Off. However you can't expect AI to get things right. Maybe they should take a step backwards and get actual people to do their art.

This is the first time where the FAQs have actually felt like questions people have asked.

I'm intrigued as to what Paths Not Taken is, but without any information, it'll just be a case of waiting.

Looking forward to Immortal Desires 3, curious as to who or what the villain will be. I also still stand by the theory that MC's mother will somehow end up a Vampire.

Interested as to what Terror Fest Origins is as I feel like it can't be about Stabby Joe as that was revealed throughout the book. Only one way to find out.

So I guess this is kind of a confession time, I haven't really looked at any of these. I've done the first chapter of Bitten, and that's it. I still have two chapters of Blades II to finish, and I haven't looked at Crimes Proposal either. I do plan to check out Years Apart and Plus One, it's just a case of actually getting to it haha.

Best Served Haute is the first book of the year, since it's only five chapters, I'll have a look at it. Definitely intend to check out The Spy I Married, and I'll more than likely check out Our Summer Crush.

One more new title with My Fake Valentine which I'm guessing is going to be a pilot book as well. Without any information it's hard to say much on this.

We also get Alpha 2 next month which I'm interested to check out given what I've read about the plot.

Inheritance is also beginning it's Wide Release. I haven't seen anything about this, but I'll check out the first two chapters and see what it's like.

I was surprised to see that Blades BK3 had finished up with just 16 chapters, I know this was the case for BK1, but 2 is a bit longer and I thought that would be the case for BK3 as well.

That's it on this one. Quite a few more pilot books. I have to admit, when I first saw the announcement about them, I didn't fully understand what it meant, but now I've got the idea haha

Happy New Year and keep safe!

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

oh shiiiii being fed before finals :o3333

i'm not too picky with what boomer shooter he's from, but postal was my hyperfixation for almost a year (graduated to special interest), maybe not p4 dude bc he's more father than daddy if you get what i mean.

for me, I'm a 5'2" transmasc fella, buzzed black hair, with mixed ancestry. I wear grungy clothing, usually with surface-level alternative bands (MCR, ICP)

people called me both militant and silly. i don't open up easily, but once i do, expect random noises, niche quotes and a running mouth. have mommy AND daddy issues. i have a fascination with numbers (not so excellent at math, though, think like dates and statistics), and an affinity for "little guys" (critters, creatures), sweets, and clowns. i dabble in weed and drink alcohol (my go-tos are gummies and rum n coke)

i play video games, draw cartoons, and am on a quest for knowledge (thank the auDHD) about my hyperfixations and special interests. for example, i tend to take pictures of irl graffiti to study different graffiti artstyles. as for MBTI, i'm xNTJ (flips around between INTJ and ENTJ a lot)

as for partners, i get romantically interested in men AND women, not sexually. a handful of fictional crushes i had/have are blonde and buff, but i think a sense of humor and compassion is WAAAY more necessary to win my damaged heart. (probably improper grammar)

thanks for reading and have an excellent holiday!!!!!!!!

Hello there! I hope your holiday is great as well. To be honest, both matchup and Postal exclusively, there was already an answer for you:

Postal 2 Dude

You already are on the same wavelength in terms of style and mindset. The Postal Dude also a bi king who has a taste for blondes typically, but just like you it doesn’t matter. It’s the heart that counts. Thank God you’re actually one of the good ones in this world.

He really loves your ICP shirt! Every now and then, he tends to sing a few of their tunes to himself while running errands. He might put on some of his fav bands in the car radio if you ever wanna listen! They’re usually 90s grunge and nu-metal bands. Ph8 is one of his favorite bands.

The both of you can just take a few hits of his bong (or chew some gummies its up to you) and lay on the floor during your highs to just infodump wherever the night takes you. He’s impressed how much brain you’ve got stored in there. He’s… something else. His stoned attitude ranges from “ha ha peen its” humor to “did you know if you rupture someone’s achilles heel real bad, it sounds like a gunshot and is pretty much permanently damaged forever?”

It’s pretty often for him to kick down doors and trespass wherever he pleases. He’ll gladly help you go to places like the city or abandoned buildings to study some graffiti art. Dude is also a backup bodyguard against any bad strangers lurking in the area.

I can also see you two making friends with little critters all the time. Maybe you encourage his softer side more when you feed the stray cats roaming about Paradise. One of them regularly visits to affectionately rub up against your leg. You name him Toki and check up on him every day by the restaurant district where he usually stays. Dude says he can’t be kept as a pet to prevent conflict because of a certain someone Champ

The Dude has more issues than a copy of a Freudian Monthly magazine. But he isn’t as hard as he lets on. You’ve been more patient with him than he feels he deserves. But you also get the struggle. Someone who knows the world isn’t sparkles and bullshit yet keeps going has a resilience he really loves. He won’t say it directly unless it’s late enough. But he damn well shows it in the way he treats you well.

[tctteredwings]

if you’re hearing VOGUE by MADONNA playing, you have to know NATHAN YOUNG (HE/HIM; CIS MAN) is near by! the FORTY-ONE year old PHOTOGRAPHER has been in denver for, like, NINE YEARS. they’re known to be quite COCKY, but being FREETHINKING seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble RYAN GOSLING. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those DESK FULL OF EMPTY COFFEE CUPS, A CONSTANTLY BUZZING CELLPHONE, A PLAYFUL SMILE AND A WINK vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RIVER NORTH ART DISTRICT long enough!

tw: adultery

ABOUT.

Name: Nathan Young Nicknames: Nate Age: Forty-one Date of Birth: 5th November 1981 Birthplace: Manhattan, New York, USA Current Location: Denver, Colorado, USA Occupation: Photographer Romantic/sexual orientation: Biromantic/bisexual

Nathan was born in Greenwich Village to Enid and Marc . They were big in the community, always doing charity work and volunteering. His father even ran for major at one point. He was expected to get involved, too, but he really wasn’t interested.

All he wanted was to take photos, so at 16 he got a part time job at Starbucks and bought all the equipment his parents refused to. The rest was history as they say.

Eventually drifted away from his parents, the relationship with his younger sisters also suffering as a result.

In his senior year he came out as bisexual and dated a guy from the hockey team for a little over six months, up until college pulled them apart anyway.

The New York Film Academy was his chosen college. He briefly dabbled in movies, but in the end decided to stick with photography, landing an internship at a major fashion magazine shadowing one of the photographers as soon as he graduated.

He worked his way up the ladder, starting with fetching coffee, basically doing everybody else's shit. It took a couple of years, but in the end he got where he wanted, finding himself being headhunted for Vogue, GQ and Vanity Fair.

At 24 he met his soon to be wife on a shoot, she was pretty new, majorly awkward and he fell for her in a big way.

It was proper whirlwind romance, in the space of a year and a half they were married and had a child. Within a couple more years their family of three became four... and then there was the dogs, too. Three of them in total. Fluffy Pomeranian's his wife was obsessed with. They set up home in the Upper East Side and could haven’t have been happier.

Up until Nathan cheated on her anyway.

Flirty in nature he was always chatting people up, just a way to get people to ‘fall in love with him’ for the benefit of the camera, but six years after he first got married, things went a little too far.

He confessed straight away and within a year they were divorced, his wife granted full custody of the children.

Deciding on a fresh start, he up and moved to Denver, setting up his own studio in the city a year later.

His daughters are Lyndsey ( 16 ) and Jessica ( 14 ), who he sees during the holidays for the most part now, the pair coming to stay in Denver with him ever since.

He’s still a flirt, something that will never change, but he’s failing pretty dramatically at getting back on the dating scene. His job is his life now, though, and a lot of his time is dedicated to that and spending time in his studio.

TIMELINE.

1984: Manhattan, New York 2005: Manhattan/Los Angeles 2014: Denver, CO

HEADCANONS.

Despite his protests in the debate over whether to get a dog or not with his ex-wife, he’s found he’s actually quite fond of them now. After spending six years having miniature breeds yapping at his heels, he chose to adopt a Doberman within a couple of months of moving to Denver.

Nathan is a keen reader and considers himself a bookworm. It’s a little known fact about him, but he adores the classics, and his favourite book is War and Peace. One day he hopes to write something himself, although knows it will probably only end up being a photography book or a pictorial of his years taking photos.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

- two younger sisters; their relationship was strained when they were younger, but I imagine it’s something that’s improved over the years. - ex-wife;  they were together around 7 & a half years. a proper whirlwind romance that ended in disaster. - ‘the fling’; the person he cheated on his wife with. it would have been in la in 2013 with someone who works/worked in the arts industry. ( I’ve always head-canoned that they were male, but it’s not set in stone. ) - exes pre-2008; anyone he dated in nyc (possibly la for v.short term things too) before meeting his wife at 24. - failed dates since arriving in denver; he’s been on numerous & they’ve mostly been a disaster. - one night stands; before & after the wife. - people he’s photographed; either for a magazine in the past or since setting up his studio in the city. - jogging buddies; he jogs every day, so I imagine there’s a couple of people he chooses to go with. - good friends; those he’s close to and spends most of his time with. - confidant/closest friend; someone he can talk to about anything and always come to when there’s a problem. - fellow book nerds; he’s big on reading, so just people he can enthuse about literature with. - bar buddies; those he frequents the bars with.

[stargazeraldroth]

Okay okay okay, so- Hear me out. I’ve got an AU (…AM? Alternate Multiverse?) idea that could go the way or horror, humor, or both, spawned by your mention of the evil team in your Pokémon AU. I’m never gonna do anything with this, but it made me laugh and I wanted to share it and see where you’d go with it (your AUs/AMs are fun sue me!!!).

So. Consider this, if you will- Dream and Blue decide to try and be a lil silly with Ink for whatever reason. Payback for a prank? April Fool’s? The reason isn’t important, what’s important is that they decide “go big or go home” and enlist a few AUs to pretend to worship Ink as a god in some weird, Ink-oriented cult. Why a cult? Who knows, maybe they got drunk and ran with it. Maybe they were feeling chaotic. The idea is that Ink will go to these AUs, find the “fake cult,” and try to figure out what the hell happened, this isn’t in the script??? Before Dream and Blue eventually reveal their Dastardly Prank (and they intend to reveal it, they abide by the confuse don’t abuse rule!) and have a good laugh together!

Except there’s one teeny tiny… Itsy bitsy little problem with that.

Somehow, someway, the AUs didn’t get the memo that the cult was meant to be pretend, and now there’s a real, actual Ink Cult spanning the goddamn multiverse that’s rapidly growing. There are rituals and prayers going around, they’ve heard whispers about sacrifices (of what, they aren’t sure- art supplies???), someone started a goddamn holiday, it’s all a mess, really.

Depending on how you take it, you could go a humorous route and have Blue and Dream frantically trying to hide this from Ink while fixing the entire mess, or at least mitigating it somewhat (stop trying to sacrifice actual people- they don’t care that it’s willing, use cupcakes or paints or something!!!), to varying degrees of success… Or you could go a more horror oriented route of Dream and Blue frantically trying to keep their friend out of the grasp of his rapidly growing worshippers, all while wondering how everything went so damn wrong and stars, they’re so sorry, Ink-

Anyways yeah, Accidental Cult AU/AM go brrr.

Ah, splendid. I just call all of my alternate multiverses AUs, it helps me with consistency and everyone knows what it means. I don't know which idea I like better, the funnier one or the more horror-oriented one. So! I'm going to address both of them separately!

Also I'm glad to hear you find my AUs fun to read about, making AUs is one of my biggest hobbies rn-

~Funny Version~

For once, Ink's not the one who caused the problem. This is already going wonderfully, my baby's innocent

The idea of the cults trying to sacrifice actual people to Ink is hilarious. I can picture Dream and Blue trying to discourage it by saying that Ink doesn't condone this kind of behavior, which is true, but with varying degrees of effectiveness. Ink will, however, accept food and art supplies any day of the week

They have to enlist CORE's help in tracking the cults' activities, much to CORE's displeasure. How did they let the situation get so out of hand? They're sorry, CORE! They didn't think this would happen!

I can't tell what would be funnier: Ink being painfully oblivious of their involvement (how did the AUs even find out about him? He keeps himself well-hidden, he thinks!) or Ink being entirely aware, but pretending to be dumb. He wants to see if they can handle it on their own, first

Just the image of Dream and Blue trying to keep the cults hidden from Ink is golden. Especially if they eventually cave and tell Ink about it, expecting him to freak out... only for him to either wonder how they did it or him laugh and tell them he already knew about them

Imagine the cults have like, shrines dedicated to Ink. Little Ink statues

What if, in this version, the cults aren't even all that dangerous? Their rituals are more along the lines of "We must pray to the Protector and give him offerings, so that he may ward the Destroyer off from our world!" Just silly things like that

~Horror Version~

Dream and Blue's efforts to stop the cults from using live sacrifices are less successful here

You mentioned they're trying to keep Ink away from the cults, so let's take a look at what might happen if they were to get him

They wouldn't do anything bad to him, of course, but it's a very... odd situation. Ink's being surrounded by these cloaked figures showering him with praises and worship. And when he tries to leave, they won't let him, so he kinda... has to resort to extremes

Maybe the cults start treating Dream and Blue as Ink's messengers or heralds, of sorts. Not just to "deliver his words", but to also relay the cults' prayers and wishes

Alternatively, maybe some cults start going even more rogue and scheme ways to capture Ink and use him to change things about their world. Surely, if anyone would have the power to change things, it would be their lord? They didn't get the memo that Ink doesn't create or control AUs, only protects them (like half of the fandom)

Maybe a cult tries to force Ink out of "hiding" and answering their summons by capturing Dream or Blue and preparing to sacrifice them

I wonder how they might react to PJ and Gradient...? Being the children of Ink, surely they'd be respected. But being Error's children, too... maybe some groups don't take too kindly to their existences

[bad0mens]

Yesterday was an emotional day for me and not in a good way.

Under the cut because I need it out.

I'm not sure what the 'inciting' incident was, or if there even was one. I think it was honestly just a build up of working retail during the holidays where I'm inundated with people who are rude and impatient and it's been getting to me. My situation at home isn't a bad one. But I constantly feel the 'quiet older middle child syndrome' as well as 'high masking autistic adult who is largely self sufficient disorder'. So I feel like in some ways, I fall through the cracks in the minds of my family. They don't feel they need to worry about me because I'm usually good at taking care of myself.

The problem arises here. In a lot of ways, especially yesterday, I felt like an after thought to my own family. Allow me to explain.

Three of the specific things that got me yesterday, and maybe they sound petty, were:

1. We drove three hours there, expecting a short event packed with lots of people but it was instead a long event packed with people and my social battery is all but dead on my off days because it has to work on my on days. I was able to keep myself mostly sane by working on fics and keeping my earplugs in because my family, especially my younger sister, is very loud. I want to spend time with my family on the holidays, but I also want to relax and be comfortable when the tense of working this time of year is finally starting to ebb.

2. There was a lot of food to go around... But only about 3 things I could actually eat. Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. You may notice there is no protein or real vegetables in any of those options. I've been a vegetarian for going on 20 years. This isn't something new for my family. My mother and younger sister did the cooking and thought to make the stuffing safe for me to eat. But that was it. The worst part of this is, I also forgot to even bring myself something like that to cook, so it's really on me as well (which is a part of the problem I'll get to in a moment).

3. I had two presents to unwrap. I know how ungrateful this sounds. But it's not about the number of presents. It's really not. I got things I asked for and I am grateful for them! It's a chunk of the larger problem, though. There was lots of presentation and fun in other people's gifts. One of mine was thrown haphazardly in a bag with nothing to cover it. The other was a wrapped cardboard box with the item inside.

Normally, any of these one things by themselves is fine, but emotions were running high after a season of working retail (not to mention I got in an argument with my boomer father who started the "no one wants to work these days" that I had to shut down pretty hard").

The problem was that, even on this day about family, I was an after thought. And the problem stems from my own behavior. I'm a helper, I care about other people, I put other people first, constantly. So constantly that I almost never put myself first. So no one else thinks to either. I'm not asking to be the specialist girl at Christmas. I'm asking to feel like I'm cared about as more than a "oh shit we can't forget about--".

I don't put myself first, so why should anyone else? I brush off this behavior in myself and others as fine. I pick pieces of myself apart to try and help other people feel whole when I've never felt whole in my entire life. And the worst part, the most painful part, is that I've ultimately done this to myself.

I sat at the dinner table, feeling alien and broken and alone surrounded by my own family, simultaneously dissociating and trying not to cry. It was my college graduation all over again, when weeks before my father reminded me that art degrees were functionally useless and I was wasting my time and money after a lifetime of hearing the lie that I could be whatever I wanted to be if I worked hard enough. It was that moment all over again. But amplified. It felt like everyone was in on the joke now.

And I still played to other people's comfort. I did not cry about it no matter how increasingly painful it became until 4 hours later when I was finally at home and my older sister asked me what was wrong. And I finally said something. I told her I felt like an after thought.

But it isn't until this moment, nearly 10 hours later, that I'm realizing the truth of it.

Who's going to put me first when I never put me first? Why would anyone bother? I don't. And after what feels like a lifetime of putting other people before myself, I'm left with the fact that my family can't be blamed. I did this to myself.

[madi2112]

The 8 days of Christmas

My plan for Christmas this year was to slowly increase the amount of the holiday I had to deal with.

This, of course, was blown up by the housepest I'm stuck with.

That slow increase was orginally planned because I knew I was likely to be invited to more holiday events then ever as part of the volunteer work I've been doing this year.

Which turned out to be very true.

So rather then posting each event separately I thought I'd just wrap them up as one big present 🎁. So to speak.

Day one: Jingle Cruise

The events started with a special ride on the Jingle Cruise at the Magic Kingdom set up exclusively for the Training and Development Department.

Day Two: WIN Scavenger Hunt

This was a Women's Inclusion Network event at Disney Springs. We broke off into groups and completed a scavenger hunt throughout Disney Springs finding different themed Christmas 🎄 Trees and sending in photos. A great chance to meet other women from around the company and enjoy the evening!

It was also a chance to debut a new holiday dress I got for the season.

Day Three: Come Out With Pride

This was a nice buffet dinner and craft event that unfortunately was sparsely attended. There was, maybe, 25 people at the event?

Still it was fun, and hopefully it will return next year.

I nearly forgot to grab a photo but remembered just before I left. Not visable in the picture was my red skirt to make this a festive combo.

Day Four: The Center

Up next was the holiday dinner for volunteers at The Center Orlando.

Again, the turnout wasn't what I expected. Seems like a lot of the over 100 volunteers passed on this one. The attendance was about 40-50.

I, once more, debuted a new holiday dress for this event. A solid silver dress I thought would look better then it did. In retrospect, it definitely revealed just how bad my weight gain has been lately. Need to do something about that soon.

I also got recognized from my Finding Adventure show.

Day Five: Snowball Express morning

This was a volunteer shift through work welcoming the family of fallen first responders as part of the Gary Sinise Foundation and the Snowball Express.

Over 1000 volunteers welcomed the families to the Magic Kingdom with a parade down Main Street.

Day Six: The Nutcracker

Might be might favorite event this year.

I did a volunteer shift as an Usher for a matinee performance of The Nutcracker by the Central Florida Ballet Company.

Thousands of kids got to see a condensed version of the show. Which was a perfect introduction into ballet for them, and for me!

The dancers did a great job and the hour and fifteen minute run time was perfect.

This was the first time I've seen The Nutcracker as well as my first time at a ballet. I was surprised how enjoyable it was.

Even Rantoul an old friend of mine from my Tony's Town Square Restaurant days who had 2 of his children performing in the show!

Day Seven: Equality Florida

The dinner for volunteers from Equality Florida was up next and was an interesting evening. Once again the attendance was smaller then expected but it was a lively bunch.

They did make a nice speech thanking us all and sharing the amazing numbers of people fighting the horrible things happening to our communities here in Florida.

I did snap a quick photo in the restaurant, but turned out terribly, but I promise I was there, lol.

Day Eight: The Best Christmas Pagent Ever

This was a stage production at the Osceola Arts theater where I did a volunteer shift. I had not had an opportunity to do a shift here in months as my work schedule had not allowed it. I was nice to be back.

Now that these events are finished I can relax a little and maybe do one last road trip of the year....

~Madison

[augment-techs]

What happens now? Do we have another go?/Do we bow out and take our separate roads?- Allies or enemies by the crane wives

Kim and Sharkie

(I'm not gonna lie, this was really hard and after five drafts, this was also as far as I could get without tossing my computer out the window. I apologize.)

Of course since Tommy had a tragic backstory, it really did stand to reason that maybe Kim had one too.

Not tragic, not fully in the style of Shakespeare or Bronte, but...less than idyllic.

Kim was made for the bright lights, big city setting of Los Angeles; born and raised, and raised in the manner of the upward mobility of her family money and "good breeding" as her grandparents used to say when she saw them at holiday parties that included fake snow on pine trees three stories tall and covered in decorations that cost more than some families made in a year. She went to ballet when she was three and moved onto gymnastics when she was five; had the best tutors and trainers and parents who (she thought; was pretty sure) loved her and only wanted the best.

She also went to a private school before they moved to Angel Grove, from kindergarten to Freshman year, with her best friend that, well...

Sharkie reminded her of Bulk and Skull, when she thought about her between being a Ranger and her so-called "normal" life.

Pretty girl with a petty, mischievous attitude, a preference for nonconformity that often left her in trouble with teachers, and a complete disinclination to ever use her real name--though why, Kim never understood; Stella Angel wasn't such a bad name.

(It was the roots that the name carried that the girl didn't like to think about. If she had told Kim...well, she might not have fully comprehended what it was to be an immigrant and an abuse survivor, but she might have been more sympathetic. Even though there was no certainty in that, either. Kim could look back and realize she was rather innocent in her sheltered life and in that way, ignorant.)

Sharkie picked Kim up off the floor in gym class the day she got her first period and thought she was going to die, the other girls sneering and giggling and the teacher trying to keep Kim calm as she hyperventilated. Sharkie just told the others to get out of the way and carried the tiny brunette princess style into the shower room so she could rinse off and calm down, and handed her a thick pad for the spare underwear she yanked out of her own locker (they were cute and purple with a pair of pink ribbons sewn into the sides no bigger than a dime) and asked rather calmly if she would have preferred a tampon, "Since they last longer and you won't have to freak out if the pad leaks a little."

Kim had been too out of sorts to really think about it at the time, except that she didn't want to put anything inside her that looked like it would hurt, and the instructions weren't very helpful. Sharkie had merely shrugged and gave Kim a couple for later in case she changed her mind.

She walked out to tell the teacher Kim could talk to her, and spent the rest of the week tormenting the "little bitches" that tried to give Kim a hard time about something, "Totally normal; not her fault her parents weren't looking out for her with basic information."

Kim had her own sort-of friends, and her parents had their expectations of her that kept piling up and stifling her as they got closer and closer to the date she wasn't yet aware of that marked their moving to Angel Grove and away from all that she knew, but she tried to be something close to friendly with the girl that had looked out for her best interests in her own abrasive little ways.

They had lunch together in the art room sometimes, Sharkie chewing on a tongue sandwich between drawing charcoal shadow monsters and breaking glass and ceramics just to paste them back together into something else entirely that looked both scary and wonderful; kind of like her.

They went to the mall, sometimes, when being at home got to be too much for Kim, trying to block out her parents sniping at each other, and Sharkie sometimes goaded her into trying out new styles; grunge and punk and extremely femme or academic or--something that nobody would ever see the pictures of or Kim would walk directly into the bottom of the ocean--honest to god southern gothic. Everyone at school gave them a wide berth for a week when they made a bet that Kim couldn't handle wearing so much black and makeup and Sharkie couldn't handle going for something so pastel and girly.

They both lost because it was the summer five days before Kim's parents told her they were moving; Kim came close to suffering heatstroke and Sharkie almost caught on fire from showing so much pale skin without remembering to put on sunscreen for the boardwalk or getting Kim to go to the fair before it moved on.

When Tommy talked about Tyler and growing up in New York in the aftermath of her being so fucking mad at him for going off on his own to infiltrate a secret society of ninja, she didn't let up on her pouting and guilt tripping, but she could understand the need to do what you could for someone that cared about you when you didn't know you needed someone like that.

He showed her a photo they took at one of those little booths for tourists, tiny and with clothes too big for them, but happy in the moment with each other.

Kim showed him one similar, but not quite after the Eltarian War and the new surge of rebuilding sites and feeling like she kept missing running into a familiar face she almost didn't think about so often, phantom feeling of her hanging out in the girl's bathroom that almost none of the teachers went into, smoking a joint with the dates Bulk and Skull had at their failed Homecoming.

*

"A drug Renaissance in Angel Grove? Really?"

"Yeah, I know, it's fucking stupid, but Grace asked if I--if we, actually, because I am not good at this--could look into this on the down-low because the police are worthless and some of Grace's employees are worried about their kids dropping like flies at the college."

"Is it really that bad?" Matt steepled his fingers like the roof of a house before waving them a little back and forth, thumbs hooked and reminding her--awkwardly--of a little child trying to make shadow puppets.

"Bulk beat the shit out of some guy that offered to sell him some last week for distribution after the guy had already tried his luck following Skull around like a creep and asked basically the same thing but, like, the wrong way? And the poor bastard reported him to the school security guard under the impression that he was gonna snatch some Freshman. So, yeah, I'd say it's pretty bad."

"No, I meant the drugs--although, thank you for that information; that actually explains...some stuff going on with those two," the two of them keeping court with the other loners and stragglers and being less impulsive and more protective lately came to mind, but Kim needn't comment on that when Matt knew too, "Anyway, is it something like meth or cocaine?"

"Eh, I think it's more like some fast acting roofies? Terona tried to explain it like I'm five, but all I got was that the first symptoms are usually waved away as just general dizziness from drinking, followed by either lowered or increased body heat, and then blacking out of memory even while conscious at the time. Most of the people reported not remembering anything beyond looking for water or a bathroom and then waking up in various states that heavily implied assault. Two college students ended up in a coma because the offenders used to much of the drug and just left them to the elements after...Just after."

Kim sighed, thinking of all the schoolwork she already had piled up, the little class of beginner gymnasts as Ernie's she needed to teach the next day, the promise to take Aisha on a girl's only shopping quest after realizing both their closets were in sorry need of improvement...

Still, she was getting better at doing the right thing, and the words just fell out with as much ease as anything else in her life, "Yeah, yeah. Lemme just talk to the others. Maybe me and Billy can get Bulk and Skull talking about the party circuit they mentioned and we can grab an invite without seeming too suspicious."

*

Salt and water poured in a glass and pressed to her lips.

Between the swallow and the burning of the vomit it brought up--bright blue, never a good sign when she'd been drinking her precious color from the wine cooler selections she'd heavily watered down--Kim was aware of the girl holding her hair back and the look of distaste across her face as she told Skull to get Bulk and start clearing out the drugged drinks (bless him, bless him for noticing and getting someone with more experience; she'd hate to think what would have happened otherwise).

When she was done vomiting up the foam and toxin, and blinked at the other girl, Kim suddenly felt as though she'd scratched open an old wound without realizing it.

"Hope you didn't develop an eating disorder with all the monsters that run around here, Kimmy."

The hair was longer and wilder, the clothing not too different from what Kim expected the girl to grow into liking, the makeup popping in such a dark shade compared to such gray skin. The accessories of silver hoop earrings and black pewter knuckle rings shouldn't have drawn Kim's eyes, but they stood out in the kitchen as she slowly came back into some semblance of her right might and kept her from looking directly into the other (beautiful) face.

Then she doubled up and puked on the combat boots that went thigh high and looked expensive, yet well used.

"I was kidding."