#also oh my god wilson your hair is horrible

[puffys-artblog]

Based off a conversation with a friend.

I hate Wilsons hair. Why did Wilson have to be so hard to adapt into my janky artstyle.

I very much blame you for this, @whosgoji

[daresplaining]

Butch: "Wait...you're telling me it was actually Matt?" Matt: "Yeah...it was Matt. He came back from rehab, went to his apartment... I don't know what the #$@% Fisk was thinking, but I know they've got history and... Ah, Butch. He killed my brother." Butch: "I'm sorry, Mike. I really am. But I'm so #$@% glad it wasn't you. I thought...I thought I sent you away, right into my Dad's hands." Matt (caption): "[...]I've done this before. Back in the day." Butch: "[...]I'm sorry, Mike. I really am. All I can do now is be better than I have been. I know you weren't...happy about some of my decisions lately, but I want you to know..." Matt (caption): "The trick was always in the eyes. Not just making sure they faced the right direction...but that no matter what, he had kindness in them..." Butch: "...I'm going to be better. No more killing. I don't want to be him. I want to run this city with fairness, with compassion." Matt (caption): "...and I don't." Matt: "You better." Butch: "I...what? Look, you're my partner here, and I know you're grieving, but maybe take it down a--" Matt: "Let me make it clear for you. If you hurt people, if you commit violence and terrorize others...I'll come stop you." Daredevil vol. 7 #1 by Chip Zdarsky, Marco Checchetto, Matthew Wilson, and Clayton Cowles

This post has been in my drafts folder for almost a full year, for no reason other than the fact that I kept feeling like I had more to say about it. But I always have more to say about Mike scenes. Return with me to this bombshell of a conversation from Daredevil volume 7 #1 (twinkly flashback SFX)...

Kind eyes? I always thought the trick to an effective Mike Murdock disguise was in the feathered cap and the goofy sunglasses, but what do I know?

Anyway, jokes aside, let's talk about this doozy of a scene from the new #1, which kicked off the second volume of Zdarsky and Checchetto's Daredevil run. To start, I am delighted by the return of colorist Matthew Wilson, whose stunning work previously graced the back half of Daredevil volume 4.

Daredevil vol. 4 #14 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, Matthew Wilson, and Joe Caramagna

I've really missed that bright red hair.

This scene directly follows up on the events of Devil's Reign, and the brutal (but maybe not permanent!) death of Matt's dear Real Boy twin brother at the hands of the Kingpin. Specifically, it follows up on what we have seen as the progression of Matt's response to Mike's death: attempting to take advantage of the situation for his own gain in ghoulish and disturbing ways. We have seen Matt bury his brother under his own name-- in a way, capping the Soule/Noto "Double Vision" arc by erasing Mike in the only way still possible (possibly not Matt or Zdarsky's intention, but the parallel is undeniable). And now we see Matt using Mike's identity as a tool and a weapon, trying to gather information on Fisk's whereabouts, and toying with Butch's grief for the sake of adding weight to his crimefighting. We are getting a close look at what it actually means to give Matt Murdock an identical twin, and wow, it is not pretty.

That said, I do not believe that this new horrible co-opting of Mike's identity undermines any of the previous indications that Matt is, in fact, grieving-- despite how callous this seems on the surface. We will always have Devil's Reign #6's brutal display of Matt's pain before he started putting his emotional shields up, and in this issue he has a wonderful scene with his superhero BFF Peter Parker in which, among other things, he opens up a teeny-tiny crack in those shields regarding Mike.

Peter: "Oh god...Mike. Your brother." Matt: "Yeah. I'm okay-- it's just been...it's been hard."

(I love that Peter knows about Mike, since he was largely responsible for Matt creating him in the first place. And of course, I also love that Matt has finally restored his friend's memories-- though that's a topic for another post.) But let's take a look at what we have here, which is, plainly and simply, the weaponizing of the Mike Murdock identity. Which is amazing. Matt mentions here that he has impersonated Mike before, "back in the day". We learned in the 2020 Annual that in the new MCU (Mike Continuity Universe), Matt pretended to be his brother as a kid, back before his accident, to get Mike out of summer school. However, that is almost certainly not what he's referring to here. I'm pretty sure he's referring to this:

Daredevil vol. 1 #25 by Stan Lee, Gene Colan, Frank Giacoia, and Artie Simek

We're coming full-circle! Zdarsky has said before that in this version of reality, Matt did still pretend to be Mike in the original Mike Murdock Saga, rather than it being Mike himself, but this is the first actual on-panel reference to that being the case. We don't get context, we don't get the full story, but even just that little reference to the events of "back in the day" warmed my little Mike nerd heart. And having seen Mike pretend to be Matt in this run, we are now finally, finally! getting to see Matt pretend to be Mike, bringing this whole grand Real Boy Mike experiment-- again-- full circle.

I joked about the "kind eyes" comment at the beginning of the post, but I do want to talk about it because it's a striking thing for Matt to say. I had a great conversation with @thosemintcookies about this a while back, regarding how that comment might be interpreted. After all, while there are many colorful adjectives that can be used to describe Mike Murdock, "kind" is not one that jumps immediately to mind. Not that Mike isn't a decent person, but he has never been shown to be any kind of bastion of goodness, even in the 60s. He's a rascal. And kindness in his eyes? What does that look like? How long has it been since Matt has even seen his brother's eyes? It's an odd thought for him to have, and it reeks of projection. On the surface, he is saying "To pretend to be Mike, I need to seem like a nice person", but what it really may mean is "To pretend to not be me, I have to pretend to be a nice person". Again, we return to that hidden grief, and attached feelings of (normal, secular!) guilt. Matt feels like a scumbag, and in this instance, he's got a pretty good reason. He did not directly get his brother killed, but his brother is still dead because of him, killed by proximity just like so many other people in his life, and now he is doing horrible things to Mike's memory. If he's feeling like a sucky human being at the moment...then yeah, he's not entirely wrong there.

But! Note the past tense: "The trick was always in the eyes". This feeling that his brother is a better person than him is not new. We have painfully few details about Matt and Mike's new past together, so this is worth examining. Is Matt, in his grief, now projecting a morality onto Mike that wasn't actually there? Or has Matt always looked up to his brother in this way? Does he see himself as capable of dark things that Mike, for all of his rascallitude, would never do? It's a fascinating shift in a dynamic that we have previously seen only from Mike's perspective, which showed us the smart, obedient, selfless brother and the disappointment of a twin who could never measure up. Here, we may have Matt's side of things: the flawed but ultimately decent brother and his violent, deceptive, disobedient, callous, chaos gremlin twin. The idea that they both may have seen each other as the better person is absolutely fascinating, and is, of course, informed by the layers of secrets they were keeping from each other.

And of course, there is another facet to this-- Mike's origins. As Mike was once a wish fulfillment source for Matt at a time when he felt he had to hold his personality in check, now we are seeing him as a different flavor of wish fulfillment-- a vision of a better, kinder version of Matt when he is feeling at his most scummy and unkind. The body is barely cold and Matt is already martyring his brother.

Moving on to the rest of the scene, Matt is being horrendously cruel to Butch here in using his dead best friend to get close enough to threaten him...though he doesn't have any reason not to be. It's very likely that he blames Butch for Mike's death-- if not in the immediate sense, then in the fact that Butch's friendship led Mike into a life of crime. Plus, Butch is the new Kingpin and has been going around killing people, so there's also that. When Matt is in pain, he doesn't need much of an excuse to do nasty things to people he dislikes. He could have just shown up here as Daredevil with Spider-Man in tow and delivered his threat, but instead, he adds some psychological warfare-- dangling the hope of Mike still being alive in front of Butch and then ripping that hope away.

Not only that, but it is, for lack of a better term, ballsy as hell. He just strolls in here without a mask on, confident in his ability to fake being Mike well enough to convince Butch, and then he goes "Psych! I'm not Mike after all. I'm just Daredevil in a...really, really good wig and make-up?" Has Matt just revealed his secret identity here? Is Butch going to connect the dots: Matt Murdock vanishing into thin air despite supposedly being "in rehab", Daredevil not only managing to look exactly like Mike but also to play him with a degree of accuracy that suggests he knew him well...? Sure, this might spook him into being a well-behaved little Kingpin, but isn't it also going to make him extra angry and determined to avenge his best friend's death? (I hope so.) Maybe Matt no longer cares. He is leaving the city, and he mentions in this issue that he feels like he isn't going to return this time. (Obviously he will, but that's not the point.) Maybe it doesn't matter anymore if one NYC bad guy knows his secret identity. Maybe he is taking advantage of that, even, to go in here and have the unique pleasure of doing this face-to-face-- in a way, using Mike once more as Daredevil unmasked.

[michelle-is-writing]

Family Matters, Greg House

Word count: 1.7k~

In the time I’ve worked at Princeton-Plainsboro teaching hospital, some might say I'm the bubbly doctor in our group. Although I don’t know how true this might be, I do know everyone can agree I'm definitely more bubbly than doctor Gregory House, but that's for another day to discuss. I'm usually the one people send in to try and cheer up patients. Because of this, I mostly work in the pediatrics ward where young, sick children are. Sometimes, I have an easy time talking to the kids and making them happier, and sometimes, I don't; usually, when I'm upset, I have a hard time.

Right now, I'm having a very difficult time.

A young New Jersey girl at the age of 11 had developed mastoiditis, an infection that affects the mastoid bone above the ear and is typically caused by a middle ear infection. Usually, this all clears up, but sadly, this infection had grown to be so bad that the girl ended up with only twenty-three percent of her hearing left in the one ear. Although this is the case, I'm not having a hard time because of the girl's loss of hearing, no.

I have my own problems at the moment.

Since I'm working in the children's ward, I don't get to see Wilson or Greg as much as I want to. Despite Greg's tendency to be an asshole, he's still my best friend and not to mention that Wilson is the kind of guy anyone can talk to about anything. However, our schedules are all different, so, as I said: we don't get to see each other that often.

At least they're still in my life though. For my family, I can’t say the same. Recently, I've just lost the closest person to me in my family; although it wasn’t through death, but through immaturity and childishness. Because of this, all of my other family members have closed me out as well, causing me to be alone. With all of my friends busy and my family shutting me out, I have no one to talk to or enjoy time with... no one. I can't even get a boyfriend for Christ's sake, and it's not like the guy I have my eyes on actually likes me back. Greg is the type of guy you can easily fall in love with, yet at the same, you really shouldn't.

"Doctor (y/n)," the young girl by the name of Jessie states. Putting all my focus back on her, I remind myself not become distracted anymore today. This isn’t the first time, unfortunately. "Will my hearing ever return?"

I smile sadly at her and shake my head. "I'm sorry, Jessie," I tell her. "Your hearing in that ear won't return, but it's not a bad thing!" I assure her. She smiles in relief. "We can always get you a hearing aid, and that will help get your hearing back to normal again, but the wait might be a little long," I explain. "Is that okay with you?"

She nods her head at my question. "I'm okay with that, doctor (Y/n)," Jessie tells me, "I'll have my family help me until then," she smiles brightly. "You can always look up to your family, right?" She states, confident in her words.

Tears slowly rising to my eyes at the thought, I nod and quickly blink them away. "That's right," I tell her, still smiling. "And don't you ever forget it," looking toward her parents, I nod my head. "The discharge nurse will be here in a few moments with the papers. If you'll excuse me..."

Without another word, I quickly leave the room and walk as fast as I can to the nearest empty room. I prefer going to James’ office instead, but it's two floors away, and I don't want any awkward elevator trips. So, before I have a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway, I find an unlocked janitorial closet before walking in and closing the door behind me, ultimately sliding down the hardwood door once it's shut.

Sitting on the cold, tile floor, I begin sobbing as quiet as I can, my hand covering my mouth. I already had my family drama on my mind all day, but for that girl to unintentionally throw it back in my face? That was the frosting on top of the already leaning, three-layer cake.

Tears stream down my cheeks like raindrops as I cry my heart out. I can tell my cheeks are red by the sensation of heat I currently feel on them; my hands feel it too. I'm crying so hard my chest begins to heave up and down as if I were having a panic attack. Oh God, I can't have a panic attack. Not here, not now.

Behind me, I feel two knocks on the door, causing me to halt. The only problem is: the knock wasn't above me, it was where my back is against the door. Remind you, I'm currently sitting on the floor. The only way someone can knock that low is if there is a midget behind the door there or someone used something like a cane... it's Greg.

Slowly moving up a little, I shakily open the door and let the grey haired man in, watching as he looks at me with pity. I've never seen the confident doctor House look like this with anyone. It's like a... a totally different Greg.

Sitting down beside me against the door, Greg drops his cane beside him as he sighs and wraps his arm around me before gently tugging my body close to his. Shocked, I tense up, tears no longer pouring out of my eyes. Greg never comforts anyone like this. He always makes fun of them or says something that many people take offense to, but he never... he never cares. He always brushes it off his shoulder, yet for some reason, he seems like he actually cares this time.

"What's wrong?" He asks, his voice deep as usual with no emotion.

I wait a few seconds before lying. "Nothing important," I tell him, my voice wavering from my scattered emotions.

Pulling me back to face him, Greg looks me in the eye before sighing again. "I know you've been crying by the wet tears on your cheeks, slight puffiness, and redness to your eyes, and fast-paced breathing - and I don’t even have to be a doctor to notice that," he breaks down my current state, lifting an eyebrow. "Now, are you going to begrudgingly tell me what's wrong or do I need to stay in here with you until you finally give in to all my unrelenting sexiness."

His comment makes me laugh, causing a grimace of a smile to fall on House's lips. Out of all of us, I've been the only one to do that. I've been the only one to break Greg's stone exterior and interior. Plus, It doesn't help that I like Greg romantically. I like the fact that he's confident and witty; he's not afraid to be himself. Although, he can still be quite an ass to others, but to me, he’s always been nothing but kind. Even when I first started working here, he was still patient and sweet - a rare sight to everyone else. It used to hurt me to think he’ll never feel the same way as me, but I’ve gotten so used to that fact that it doesn’t even bother me anymore.

"It's just... my family," I explain, Greg pushing my head back onto his shoulder as he holds me. At this point, I'm not shocked by anything he does. The infamous doctor could be high for all I know. He probably took a few Vicodin tablets before coming down here now that I think of it.

"They've completely... shut me out," I explain, shrugging as I rest my hand on his shoulder. "They never talk to me anymore, they've blocked me in any way of even trying to talk to them. My cousin just sent me an email last night telling me that I didn't need to contact them anymore as they no longer wanted me in their lives," I close my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks. "Plus, I wish I could work with you guys again," I take a breath before saying the next thing. "I miss you."

A few seconds of silence pass before Greg leans down to my face level. Opening my eyes, I'm greeted by his own sapphire orbs, watching as he continually inches forward until his lips plant themselves on mine. Our eyes close at the same time in response to the touch of our lips, and they stay that way too. With my heart beating fast and a different fire in my cheeks, I instantly respond to his kiss while placing my hands on the sides of his face, feeling his hands attach themselves to my hips as I do so. We kiss until we have to breathe, both of us pulling apart simultaneously.

"They don't deserve you," Greg tells me, a little out of breath. "You are wonderful; a decent and kind human being, inside and out," he takes a small pause, flashing his blue eyes down to mine. "I never thought I’d say this, but… because of you, I think maybe not everyone is a horrible person and that maybe I can be a bit nicer a time or two," he then smiles at me, kissing me once more. "You have made me feel love believe it or not."

Smiling, I lean up to kiss his forehead before sitting back down and resting my head against his chest, my eyes cast upon him as he looks down at me. "You've also made me feel love," I confess to him, my voice shy. "I've grown to love you as well. You and your sarcastic comments and witty comebacks and your insults to apparent stupid people," for once, he laughs, making me grin. "I can't help but love it all."

After a few moments, Greg speaks up. "I know I can't be your entire family," he murmurs, holding me close. "But I can try to be your... your..." He draws on, clearly trying to come up with an appointed title for himself. After a few seconds, I giggle and cut him off.

"Boyfriend?" I ask, making him roll his eyes.

"I was going to say significant other," he argues, looking over to me. "The term boyfriend is so, well, childish," he complains, making me giggle.

Leaning closer, I peck his lips. "Good thing you have a childish mind," I tease him, pressing my lips to his one more time before he responds to my comment with something horrible or completely inappropriate. It is Doctor House we’re talking about, after all.

[idy-ll-ique]

Sweet Little Love.

Pairing: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Lil Angst

Warnings: brief mention of violence

Requested: nope

Summary: The Y/L/Ns are a well-off family in New York, and are good friends with Sam Wilson. One day Y/N is threatened by a stalker and needs a bodyguard, so Sam suggests Bucky. Bucky doesn't want to do it; the last thing he wants is to deal with a spoiled, bratty rich girl for a whole month. The only thing is, Bucky has terribly misjudged her and now he can't help falling in love with her.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! the last scene is just a small bonus crack!scene sjsjsjs lmao, enjoy!

---

If there was one type of person Bucky liked, it was someone who was kind, polite, helpful and caring… and Bucky knew the person he was going to work for was going to be none of those things. "Sam, come on, man, I don't want to do this," Bucky groaned as he followed his best friend down the street. "I already promised, Bucky."

"Why did you?! I don't want to spend my whole day around spoiled little brats, they're the worst!" Bucky threw his hands up in surrender. "Okay, number one: You have to look after only one person and number two: Why don't you just meet her once? Then you can decide for yourself, how about that?"

Bucky had been hired by one of Sam's friends, Mr Y/L/N, as a bodyguard for his daughter. He didn't know the daughter at all; but the one thing he was sure about was that she was going to be a pain in the ass for him, like in every single movie about rich girls and bodyguards. Mouthy, petty, sassy, rude…

He was in no mood to deal with someone like that.

Ms Y/L/N, he assumed, had been sent some threats over a week ago by a stalker and so the poor father was worried sick as he frantically searched for bodyguards. Sam was also informed and before he knew it, James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes was hired. To be honest, the Y/L/Ns were paying a lot so… since he had given up Avenging, the income would be great.

Plus, she only needed protection for around a month or so. Speaking of the daughter, how old was she even going to be? Maybe a child below 10? A rebellious teenager? Who knows? "Alright, stop here. She's supposed to be here somewhere, let me call Y/L/N." Bucky huffed and looked around the crowded streets as Sam contacted the father.

That's when his eyes landed on a lady. She was beautiful; wearing what looked like a tennis skirt and a university hoodie, along with sneakers. Her hair was pulled into a braid and she had a bright smile on her face. Bucky blinked twice and watched. Her body or clothes didn't catch his attention, but her actions sure did.

She was chatting with another, older woman who had coffee spilled all over her white tee. The young lady was holding a baby in her arms, bouncing the sweet child as the older woman hurriedly tried to clean her clothes. Through his super-soldier hearing, he caught their conversation. "I'm so sorry to bother you like this," the woman sighed.

"It's okay, ma'am, you are not a bother. You were clearly in need of help and you know how New York is…" Both women giggled. The older woman soon left with her child but the young lady continued standing there, looking around, as if waiting for someone. Probably a boyfriend, Bucky thought.

"Why is he not picking up?!"

Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam before looking over at the pretty lady again, who had started bouncing back and forth on her heels, glancing everywhere. That's when a loud wail echoed above the already busy street. The lady's eyes snapped towards the voice before she took off running towards a little boy who had tripped over.

The little kid was blond and scrawny, reminding Bucky of a little Steve. He smiled fondly at the memory. "Are you hurt, bubba?" Y/N asked the kid adoringly as she helped him stand. The boy's lower lip wobbled as he tried to hold his tears in but was unsuccessful. "Aw, come here…" Bucky gulped when the lady got on her knees and hugged the child.

She's so kind.

The kid hugged back just as eagerly, sobbing into her shoulder. Soon, two adults approached her; a gay couple, the parents of the kid. They, too, watched with appreciation as the lady easily calmed the kid down with her soothing presence. An involuntary smile bloomed on Bucky's face; if he was in that kid's position, he'd have stopped crying too. The lady was wonderful.

"Thank you so much, honey," one of the men grinned when the lady stood up, dusting her knees and giving the kid a smile. "Oh, it's not a problem! You know what?" She dug around in her purse and pulled out a lollipop. "I always have some on me. I'm a big fan. You?" The boy giggled and eagerly accepted the candy.

"Steve, what do you say?"

Bucky almost laughed. The kid's name was also Steve? Amazing! "Thank you!" Steve exclaimed with a bright smile, making the lady laugh. "No problem! Have a good day!" She waved at the family of three before returning to her original place, standing outside a café. Bucky was enamored at this point.

"Any luck?" he drawled, glancing at Sam who shook his head. "That dick," he grumbled under his breath and Bucky grinned, getting back to watching the pretty lady but she was nowhere to be found. He looked around until he saw her crossing the road, an old man holding her arm with one hand as the other held his walking cane.

She was on his side of the street now, just a few feet away from him. "You are an angel, darling," the old man crooned as he patted her cheek, letting go of her arm once he was safely on the other side. An angel indeed, Bucky smiled to himself. "Oh, sir, I try…" she spoke bashfully, turning in his direction as the man left.

Bucky quickly averted his gaze, he didn't want to look like a creep. "Sam? Sam, is that you? Wilson!" Bucky froze at the lady's voice, her footsteps nearing the place where he and Sam were standing. Wait, is that...? Sam looked away from his phone, eyes lighting up as they landed on the lady. "Y/N? When did you arrive?" Bucky watched as they hugged.

"Been here for a long time, dad said you were going to introduce me to my bodyguard today. He's a good friend of yours, right?" Sam turned and motioned towards Bucky. He stepped forward. "Hi, I'm James Barnes," he introduced himself, holding his hand out. He couldn't believe he had called this angel a spoiled, rich brat.

I'm never gonna forgive myself.

"James, nice to meet you! I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Thanks for doing this, I'm probably going to be a burden—" He immediately shook his head. "Oh, no no no, don't say that! I can tell we're going to be good friends." He winked and she couldn't help but giggle. Bucky didn't even correct her on the name, something about the way she said it made a shiver run down his spine.

"Well, um, do we start now, or…?"

"Your choice," he interrupted, hands shoved in the pockets of his coat as he stared at her, heart swelling with affection. "I already feel safe," she half-joked, "Start now. I have a few places to go to…" He was ready to follow her to Hell and back. "Of course." Both of them turned to Sam, who had a knowing smirk on his face.

If it were anyone else Bucky would've given him his infamous glare but Y/N? He was hoping for a connection. "You two enjoy your date— I mean, day. Anyway, what's up with your dad, girl, he's not picking up my calls." Bucky rolled his eyes at the slip up. "He's not? Maybe he's in a meeting. If you want you can go visit."

"Gonna do just that, tell him that his precious little daughter is in safe hands." Y/N looked at Bucky with a huge smile. "No doubt about that! It's getting late, I'll see you later!" Y/N started walking away and Bucky immediately followed with a nod towards Sam. "Hey, um, I saw you, you know?" he blurted out.

"Saw me? Doing what?" Y/N blinked. "You helping the lady with the child, the kid who tripped over— Steve, his name was? And the old man you helped cross the street. I just wanna say that was amazing. You're a great person, Y/N, I'm honored to be your bodyguard." She gasped softly and looked away, chewing her bottom lip as she grinned, cheeks heating up.

"Oh, um, it's just— I like to help people. It's how my parents raised me. Yeah, we might be rich but I'm not spoiled. Lots of people think that when I tell them I'm Mr Y/L/N's daughter. It hurts sometimes, you know? People just assume anything about you without even knowing you. That's why I try to be good. I don't want to be a bad person," she rushed out, unconsciously voicing all her insecurities.

Bucky's heart sank in his chest as he let out a dry chuckle. "Ugh, just saying this is gonna make me throw up but I assumed that too. I thought I was gonna work with a spoiled, rich brat. I was horribly, horribly wrong, I hope you can forgive me, doll." She turned to him, but she wasn't mad in the slightest. She even started getting a tiny crush on him, I mean, hey, the man is eye-candy. "It's fine! I forgive you, you didn't know."

"No, it's not fine. I shouldn't have made assumptions, I feel like the biggest ass in the world," he scoffed, looking away from her. "James, please, it's okay. You know now, right? Don't feel bad! Why don't we stop for a coffee on the way?" How could he say no to that?

---

2 weeks passed. Y/N and Bucky became incredibly close friends; Bucky went as far as revealing the truth about himself, how he used to be an Avenger, how he lost his arm, everything. What he didn't expect was her to cry at his story. "You did not deserve to go through that, they did you so dirty…" she sniffled and he hugged her like his life depended on it. It kinda did.

God, if he didn't fall in love the first time they met, he was definitely in love now. "Doll, I'm here now, aren't I? All good— well, maybe not all good." And his face broke into the biggest grin ever when he heard a chuckle from her. "I'm glad you're here." Just those 4 words and Bucky vowed that he was never gonna let her go.

"I'm getting coffee, you wait here. Don't go anywhere else."

"Aye aye, Captain!" Y/N laughed and he smiled back as he entered the café. Y/N stood outside, typing away on her phone when someone suddenly grabbed her by the back of her neck, pulling her into the alley next to the café. She couldn't even scream, breathing was difficult with his hand around her neck.

"We finally meet, sweetheart." Oh, God, it was him. The stalker. Y/N whimpered, struggling to get out of his arms but he only tightened his hold on her. Bucky, Bucky please— Over time, Y/N had grown fond of Bucky. He still asked her to call him James, he said it felt good when she called him that. So she did.

He was so protective of her, almost like she was his girlfriend. He was also handsome; incredibly so, with his stormy blue eyes, his tall and broad figure and razor sharp jaw. His first priority was always her and it made her warm inside. She'd decided to ask him out at the end of the month, but it was looking a bit difficult now.

"Your bodyguard not with you today? What happened, lover's quarrel?" the man smirked tauntingly as Y/N's vision blurred due to lack of oxygen. She blinked back tears, crying again when he tightened his hold on her neck. "Scream all you want, sweetheart, no one's gonna hear it," he laughed.

"Try me."

The man's head whipped to the side only for Bucky's metal fist to connect with his jaw. He fell to the ground with a thud, unconscious at the first punch. Y/N slid down to her knees. Her hands went to her neck, coughing and dry heaving. "Doll? Doll, come here." Bucky felt immense guilt as he gathered her in his arms, carrying her bridal style towards his car.

He left her alone. That was the one thing he wasn't supposed to do. "James…" Y/N wheezed, curling closer to him when he tried to put her in the backseat. "Doll, you have to get in," he insisted but she shook her head. "Not without you. Please." Bucky sighed and got into the backseat, holding Y/N against his chest.

She was pretty shaken up. "I'm so sorry, Y/N." He felt himself tearing up. "No… not your fault… you… coffee… I wasn't… phone…" Bucky handed her a bottle of water when she wheezed again. "Drink up, baby," he whispered as he held the bottle to her lips because she refused to let go of his sweater. After drinking some water her throat felt better.

"Don't go, please, I need you," she sobbed as she completely curled against him, wetting his sweater as she cried in his arms. "You will always have me, doll. I'm not going anywhere. Not again," he assured her as he rubbed her back, wiping his own tears away. All of a sudden, she pulled away and pressed her lips to his. "I love you."

He pulled her in for another kiss, fireworks exploding in his head at the confession. Only two weeks had passed but they were both sure about their feelings. "I love you too, doll. You're mine now, only mine," he groaned against her lips. "Only yours," she agreed, burying her face back in his shoulder as he pulled her impossibly close.

"You're not getting out of my sight ever again."

And he kept his promise.

---

"And then I— where do you think you're going?" Sam blinked as Bucky abruptly stood up, eyes trained on his wife. She gave him a smile and walked out of the room, Bucky following her out like a puppy. "To the bathroom, Sam!" Y/N called out behind her and Sam turned to the parents, blinking in confusion as they roared with laughter.

"Why does she need him there?" Sam asked "Oh, haven't you heard? Bucky hasn't broken the promise he gave Y/N 6 years ago," Mrs Y/L/N explained vaguely. "What promise?" Mr Y/L/N laughed once more. "He told her she was never getting out of sight after the incident. And well…" Y/N and Bucky returned at the exact time as Sam made a face.

"Don't you get tired of him?" Sam groaned as Bucky sat down, pulling his wife on his lap. "Oh no no, it helps that she's as much in love with him as he is with her. They do not get tired of each other," Mrs Y/L/N shook her head with a fond smile. "It helps that he's handsome and aesthetically pleasing to look at," Y/N crooned, squishing her husband's cheeks as he laughed and swatted her hands away.

"Even in the bathroom?!"

"He stands outside as a guard," she shrugged. "Damn. Y'all are weird," Sam muttered, barely catching the book Bucky threw towards him. "Not weird. Just looking out for her, like I promised," he muttered, cheeks flushing. "You do know that the threat was 6 years ago, right? Six!" Sam threw his hands up.

"What if there's a new one?" Bucky countered exasperatedly. Sam only shook his head at the couple before a smile broke out on his face. "I've never seen a couple so in love. You two are cute," he commented as laughter filled the room. No more threats, no more danger.

Just a sweet little family and their sweet little love.

---

A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!

[harrysweasleys]

a little more touch my body // b.b

summary: babie!!! hi!! may i please request a fic based on into you by ariana grande pls? i'll leave the rest up to you, please surprise me (you can also choose if you want to write it for sam, steve, or bucky) thank you so much !!! <3

warnings: lil bit of sexy times, fatws spoilers if you haven’t watched, mentions of alcohol (beer), language 

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i chose to write this for bucky!! hope you all enjoy!

“Well, don’t you two look like a sight for sore eyes?” 

You huffed out a laugh at your own comment as you stepped down onto the boat, making sure to grip the ledge behind you to avoid losing your balance as the structure bobbed against the tides. 

Sam and Bucky sat looking exhausted, each with a beer in their hand, faces slick with sweat and grease. You could nearly smell them from here. 

“Where were you all afternoon? Said you’d help,” Bucky raised an eyebrow as he looked you up and down, beer bottle against his lips as he took another sip. As if he knew what he was doing, he leaned his arm back behind him, muscles and tanned skin glistening under the late afternoon sunlight. You peeled your eyes away from the sight just in time to catch the end of his question.

You placed your hands on your hips, giving him a grin, “Sorry to ditch, I was in town with Sarah picking up some stuff. But clearly, I’m devastated that I couldn’t be here to get all gross with you guys.”

Part of you was rather bummed you missed the action. You’d have loved nothing more than to be working alongside Bucky, both of you working up a sweat and sneaking in little touches here and there while Sam looked the opposite way. Little touches that would never really amount to more, but were fun in the moment. 

You couldn’t count how many weeks — no, scratch that — months, that you and Bucky had been building up this tension. The winks across the room, the lingering touches when you walked by one another, the inappropriate innuendos and jokes when no one was around. Except that one time that you thought no one was around and ended up subjecting poor Sam to your crude jokes over your earpiece. 

It was torture, but the best kind. Bucky knew exactly how to wind you up, and vice versa. Did you ever think this would amount to more? Probably not. You had overheard countless conversations between Buck and Steve about how he wasn’t ready to take a step towards intimacy just yet. Not so soon after regaining his mind and coming back from five years out of extinction, to be more specific. 

You couldn’t blame him, though. And you weren’t going to push for more. Not if it made him uncomfortable. No, for now, you were having a blast bubbling up the sexual tension. 

“I see that,” Sam motioned his bottle in your direction, “This is an act of betrayal, I hope you know.” 

You rolled your eyes, sitting down between the two. The wooden surface was boiling under your legs, so you lifted your knees to keep your skin from burning. 

“Oh, drama queen,” you grumbled, reaching your hand towards the cooler. You hadn’t done much physical work today, but the weather was still impossibly hot and a nice cool drink would help for sure. 

As soon as you lifted the cooler lid, it came slamming down. 

“Buck, what the hell—,” you turned your gaze to the super soldier, a small smirk on his lips. 

“Cool drinks are for the workers, sorry,” he was clearly fighting a shit-eating grin, much to your annoyance. His hand was gripped tightly around the cooler lid, thumb brushing against your own skin. 

“You two are going to drink all six?” you scoffed, tilting your head to the side as if challenging him. 

He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head, pulling his hand away from yours and taking another sip of his beer as if emphasizing his point before speaking, “I think you forget how high my tolerance is.” 

“Ah, of course,” you nodded slowly, “How could I forget? Silly me.”

Bucky shot you a wink, leaning back against the edge of the boat. The angle of the sun was hitting him perfectly and you wondered if the heavens above were testing you. The dark blue of his shirt accented his eyes, shining brightly as they looked you over. His dark hair had a few natural highlights — probably thanks to spending nearly a week here under the Louisiana sunshine. 

He was so distracting you nearly forgot Sam was behind you until Sarah called his name. 

“Sam, can you help me out for a second?” her voice was distant over the sound of the water hitting the boat and your own heart beating a million miles an hour. 

He stood up with a grunt, following after her. And leaving you and Bucky alone. 

“Just a sip?” you asked, eyes darting back to the cooler before meeting his again, “I’ll take one little sip and then you can have the rest of the bottle.” A fake pout made its way to your lips and you had to fight a smirk at the way his eyes darted down to watch before snapping back up to yours. 

“Nope,” he popped the p, giving you another wink. As he brought the bottle back up to his lips, you scooted closer to him, reaching your hand out and taking it out of his grasp before it could reach his lips. 

“What—,”

Before he could finish his sentence, you brought the bottle to your lips, giving him a wink before taking a rather large sip. The taste wasn’t great — it was the cheap beer that you guys had picked up yesterday at the corner store — but you were just trying to rile him up. You hadn’t really wanted the drink that badly.

Bucky’s eyes were practically glued to you. You could swear he didn’t even blink as you maintained eye contact, handing him the bottle back with a small wink. 

His tongue slid out to wet his lips, suddenly fidgety under the sun. You internally pat yourself on the back, but you didn’t show it. Instead, you maintained a steady staring contest with Buck, not sure who was going to crack first. 

God, your heart was beating so fast. Your skin was so warm. You could feel the back of your neck begin to sweat and you could swear that your hands were just as clammy. How did you ever get anything done around this man before? 

“I feel like I’m interrupting,” Sam — curse him and his horrible timing — stepped back onto the boat, causing it to sway a bit under his steps. 

“What? — It’s — we’re fine,” Bucky stuttered with a hoarse voice, clearing his throat as if you hadn’t noticed. Once again, an internal pat on the back. 

“Yeah, okay,” Sam chuckled, “Whatever you guys say. Just keep it PG around my nephews.”

You should be embarrassed by Sam’s jabs, but you couldn’t really bring yourself to feel that way. Instead, you were only focused on how close Bucky was to you. You could smell him — he didn’t smell too great right now, to be honest — but that wasn’t the point. Publicly, you guys never really sat or stayed close to each other. It was more professional if you guys didn’t show whatever was happening between the two of you, really. 

But now, relaxed and away from danger, you were both letting your guard down. Sam was sitting across from you, poking fun, but neither of you scooted away from the other like you usually would. It was nice, you thought. This little sense of normalcy. Feeling like you were just two adults insanely attracted to each other instead of two busy Avengers on a break. 

You brought yourself back to the moment as you stood up, giving them both a little smile, “I’ll give you guys some guy time, I’ll go help Sarah with dinner.”

Sam gave you a little wave, Bucky keeping his mouth shut as you made your way off the boat, holding onto the little railing as you made your way back onto land. You pulled your shirt down, covering the little bit of your stomach that had been exposed while scooting closer to Bucky. 

Shaking your head and trying to un-rile yourself, you made your way over to the Wilson household, a small skip in your step as you did so. 

The lasagna and garlic bread that you and Sarah collaborated on went down quick — unsurprisingly, since Sarah had more tips and tricks in the kitchen than you could possibly hope to count — and before you knew it, you were bidding everyone goodnight. 

Your pull out couch in the basement was calling your name and normally you couldn’t wait to get under the covers and snooze right off. Except tonight, as soon as you got under the covers, you felt wide awake. 

Bucky was in the other room, a small door separating the both of you. You didn’t usually talk after everyone had gone to bed, not wanting to wake anyone up or prevent either of you from getting the proper sleep, but tonight you couldn’t help it. You were practically itching to go over and see him, and you doubted you’d get any sleep if you didn’t. It was like a magnet was pulling the two of you together and the harder you pulled away, the stronger the tug was.

You slipped on a pair of socks after getting out of the bed, the fresh air of the basement hitting your body like a gentle embrace. It had been stupidly warm under the blankets just moments before, so the coolness was very much welcome against your skin.

Your footsteps were muffled by the carpeted floor as you made your way to the door separating you both, knuckles gently knocking against the wood before you could take a second to think about what you were doing. If Bucky was asleep, you’d just be waking him up, and that wouldn’t be very nice, would it? However, if he was awake, what would you even say? 

“Yeah?”

Bucky’s voice was soft on the other side of the door, and the creaking hinges broke the beautiful peace as you opened it up, eyes struggling to see in the dark. A small lamp was lit on Bucky’s bedside table, his own blankets tossed off the bed as he sat on the edge. He wore a pair of Sam’s pyjama pants — which you had teased him about a couple of times now — but he wasn’t wearing a shirt. That fact alone was enough to get you to stumble on your own two feet.

“Were you sleeping?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as quiet as possible. You remembered Sarah mentioning the basement ceiling wasn’t properly insulated and voices very easily carried throughout the house.

“No,” he replied, eyes meeting yours in the comfortable darkness of the room. You suddenly felt awfully nervous under his gaze, picking at your fingernails as you leaned against the doorframe.

“Okay, that’s good,” you nodded awkwardly, mind still completely blank on whatever it was that you wanted to say. Bucky didn’t seem to mind the awkward silence, though, his eyes scanning over your body slowly just to make sure you were alright.

“I don’t really know why I’m here,” you admitted, finally picking your gaze up off the floor to look at him. His lips curved up into a small smirk and he patted the spot next to him on the bed. Trudging over slowly, you could feel the temperature in the room rise up by what felt like a thousand degrees before you finally sat next to him. He smelled better this time — thanks to the shower that you were so tempted to hop in on — and you could feel the comfortable warmth of his skin next to you as the mattress dipped under your weight.

“That’s okay,” he replied after a good long moment, “You don’t have to have a reason.”

You sat facing him, close enough that you could see the steady rise and fall of his chest, his skin holding a warm glow in the cozy atmosphere of the room. He was so painfully beautiful that you didn’t think words could capture the image. 

Feeling awfully brave, you slid one of your hands over to his, your warm fingers sliding against the coolness of his vibranium ones. You knew he couldn’t feel your touch, but he shivered anyway, causing you to slide your hand a little closer to his actual skin. His hand reached quickly across and grabbed yours, intertwining your fingers together. Your head fell against his shoulder, resting your forehead against the spot where skin met metal. Without thinking, you lifted your head and pressed a kiss against the same spot, immediately regretting it when you felt his entire body tense up.

“Sorry — I don’t know what I was thinking,” you stuttered, pulling away. 

Before you could get too far, you felt both of Bucky’s hands slide around your waist, tugging you onto his lap in an effortless motion. Your thighs landed on either side of him — practically straddling him — and your chest was nearly flushed against his. His forehead fell against yours and you swore you could hear his thoughts. The internal battle he was having with himself on how far he was willing to take this.

You brought one of your hands up to his hair, raking your fingernails against the sensitive skin at the base of his neck and watched his shoulders sag as he let out a sigh. How you two could go from being ready to rip each other’s clothes off on the boat to this, being intimate and close without having done anything yet, you’d never understand.

His hands slid under your pyjama top, gripping your waist in a way to let you know he wasn’t planning on letting go. And you were more than okay with that.

“Buck,” you whispered, the words hanging in the air before he pulled his forehead away from yours and met your lips with his. His kiss was hot — heavy, and you could feel just how much he had been holding back. He gripped you tight, making sure you felt exactly how badly he wanted this. And you felt the same, hands on either side of his face as you pressed your lips and body against his. 

You guys went from having an intimate, gentle touching moment, to having a battle of teeth and tongues within thirty seconds. He let out a low groan as you tried to get closer to him, rocking your hips against his. You hadn’t totally done it on purpose, your goal mostly just to be as close to him as possible, but you weren’t regretting the action one bit. 

His hands slid further up your shirt until it was tugged off of your body, breaking the feverish kiss for one quick moment before reconnecting at full force. Your mind was blank, numb, but your belly was erupting with every butterfly in existence as he slid his hands around your exposed torso. You didn’t even register the coolness of the metal — too focused on how hot you felt at the moment. He was grabbing at every bit of you that he possibly could, and you were doing the same to him.

For someone who probably didn’t do much self care, his skin was beautifully soft under your touch, hands sliding smoothly down his back and chest as you continued to kiss the life out of each other. It was intoxicating and you swore you’d be addicted to him after tonight.

He somehow managed to flip the both of you over so that he was hovering on top of you, using his forearms to hold himself up as his lips trailed sloppy kisses down your jawline, your neck, to your collarbones. Everything he did just felt so good, so right, that you could hardly remember where you even were at the moment.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he continued down on his path, leaving kisses in every possible spot that was available.

There was no way in hell you were returning to your own bed tonight.

[talkfastromance4]

Temporary--Luke&Lily series

a/n: so sorry it’s taken me a month to complete this. It’s a heavy topic with a lot of emotions and I was feeling what my characters were feeling. This is very detail oriented, some medical jargon (I did my best research and some of it was from watching Grey’s Anatomy which I know isn’t realistic but I tried)

warnings: NICU mentions throughout, premature birth, C-section, sadness, moments of grief and loneliness, some sexual content. **Please read very carefully, this is a sensitive topic**

word count: 9.7k

Masterlist

Luke&Lily Masterlist

Magical Memoriess&Misfortunes (<-- catch up here)

feedback is always welcome, I hope you enjoy it.

****

It’s like you’re in a horrible dream. You’re frozen in terror at the multiple bodies moving above you, their voices warped but all you feel is immense pain and fright. You search for Luke through your blurred and clouded vision. The lights are too bright. It hurts your eyes.

You think you hear your name through the thick cotton cloud that has somehow gotten in your ear. Why can’t you hear properly? Where’s Luke? How did you get on this moving bed?

Another white-hot-blazing pain slices through you. You think you scream. Hands are on you and then it goes black…

…When you wake up, you’re still in this horrible nightmare that won’t seem to end. Usually when the terrible things keep happening, you wake up in a cold sweat.

“…. lovie…”

Your head lolls to the side and you see Luke’s eyes peeking out above a blue mask and a blue cap. It still feels like you’re stuck in a cloud and you feel a tug below you. Before you can look down, Luke cups your cheek and shakes his head.

You don’t know what he means but tears start rolling down your cheeks and then you close your eyes again. Why can’t you wake up? You just want to wake up, get out of this night terror…

…Coming to again and you hear more voices and commotion. You hear the urgency. Their words meet your ears, but the meaning doesn’t register with your brain. What is happening? Luke still has a firm grip on your face, but you look beyond him and see a group of people in blue gathered around a small thing. Their hands work quickly. You wish your tears would make what’s happening clearer.

“He’s breathing! It’s very labored!”

“Intubate him. Page Dr. Chambers.”

“Move people!”

He? Who’s he?

You look to Luke and he’s smiling through his own tears, his forehead pressed to yours.

Just as you’re about to connect the very blurry dots, more pain ensues. This is the worst thing you’ve ever felt in your life. It’s all over your body and it’s in your chest, collapsing onto you.

More voices.

More urgency.

More terror.

More questions.

Then, you drift off once more, the pain ceasing with each gasped breath.

**

Soft, methodical beeps drift you awake. You’re not on that strange cloud anymore but your body feels heavy, weighted. You search your brain for where you are, the sheets are crisp and your feet are cold. Disney World swims by and you’re confused because you remember waking up after you fainted.

Was that real?

Or is this real?

Then it hits you, like the snap of a rubber band breaking all the distorted memories and voices and hands all come back. The pain. The tug. He…

You gasp and flash your eyes open. You’re met with a white ceiling and wires and tubes suspended above you. There’s commotion to your left then Luke’s face is in your vision. His eyes are red with dark circles underneath them; his hair is a disarray as if he’s been pulling his fingers through it repeatedly.

“Oh, thank God, Y/N I was so worried. They told me you’d be asleep for a while because you lost so much blood…so much blood…but you’re okay now. You’re awake. I’m right here, lovie, I’m right here,” he rushes out in a frantic whisper.

He touches your forehead carefully and he’s so warm. You’re still trying to string everything together but there’s so many gaps in time. You’re pinpointing things by the different types of pain you experienced.

“What…what happened?” you croak then try to swallow. But your mouth and throat are so dry it’s like trying to swallow sand. It hurts.

When will the pain stop?

Luke’s eyes soften, he continues to stroke your forehead and into your hair. He licks his chapped lips then shakes his head.

“I…”

“Did I lose the baby?” you whisper, voice sounding like broken glass. Tears well up in your eyes again.

“No, no, no…shhh, shhh,” he soothes wiping at your tears with his other hand.

“They don’t…” he takes a deep shuddering breath, “you had a C-section. He’s in the NICU being monitored, I only got a small glimpse of him before they took him away. He’s so small and I don’t know what’s happening, no one has come by and I’ve been worried you wouldn’t wake up.”

And then you’re comforting him by pulling his head to yours, he sobs into you and you pet his hair. Your voice is lost, you feel the sudden loss of your baby not in you anymore, your heart is very fragile and seeing Luke like this terrifies you.

But Luke also said ‘he’ and a small smile appears on your lips. You have a son.

“I’m so glad you’re awake, baby,” he whispers. You feel his hot tears soak through the gown on your shoulder.

“Can you call for a nurse?” you ask kissing his hair delicately. At least, you hope you do because your lips are also very chapped and dry. You need some damn water.

“What hurts?” his head snaps up and you see why his eyes are so red; from his tears.

You swallow and swipe at his own tears.

“We need damn information about our son, and I need some damn water,” your voice shakes with ferocity. Luke punches the call button repeatedly until a nurse runs in.

**

After hydrating yourself with water, Luke took your hand keeping his gaze on you as you demanded the nurse to get your doctor, or your son’s doctor, to come and give you information. You’re never normally one to yell at someone, but your memories have so many holes in them you need to know what’s happened.

The nurse tries to console you but you’re hell bent on finding out about your son. Your son you haven’t even seen yet.

“I will walk there if I have to,” you threaten through gritted teeth. The more frustrated you become the more prominent the throb and ache below your waist also becomes.

“I will go find your doctor right away, ma’am,” the nurse nods frantically and runs from the room. You glare in his wake.

Luke squeezes your hand; you look at him.

“I love you,” he says simply but you hear way more than that.

I’m scared, too. I don’t know what to do either. We’re in this together. I’m never letting go.

Shortly after, a doctor walks in the room, her expression timid and she’s scrolling on her iPad.

“Mrs. Hemmings, how are you feeling? Any pain we can help with? I’m Dr. Wilson and I administered the C-section.”

“I’m fine. Take me to my son and let me know what’s happening,” you demand.

“Mrs. Hemmings, with your son being born at only 25 weeks the next 24 hours is very critical. We are monitoring him as we speak, I have my best staff on his watch,” Dr. Wilson explains, her voice cool and collected.

“What happened?”

Dr. Wilson steps closer to your side of the bed, her round face and almond-shaped eyes show both kindness and fire in them. You’re still on the fence on how to feel about her because she didn’t tell Luke anything.

“Part of your placenta was twisted, and it caused you to go into early labor which also caused stress on your baby. Thankfully, you got here in time and we were able to get him out before it became worse. His breathing was labored and with him being so small and born extremely early, his organs haven’t fully developed yet.”

“Why are the next 24 hours critical?” Luke asks, his hold on your hand is like a death grip.

“Because he’s still so small, his lungs aren’t at the correct size they should be. Lack of oxygen can cause severe brain damage or heart failure. We have an ET, endotracheal tube in his mouth which is hooked to a ventilator to help him breathe. An IV is also administering the nutrition he needs, we’re monitoring his heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen levels, and he’s being kept in an incubator that helps simulate the inside of the womb.”

You take in all the information, your heart longing for your baby boy that you have no idea what he looks like.

“What’s the survival rate for a baby born at 25 weeks?” your voice cracks. Luke shifts closer to you, his other hand covering yours.

Dr. Wilson glances between you and Luke before answering solemnly, “Between 67 to 76% survival.”

Luke lets out a choked gasp and you shift your eyes to the ceiling to keep the burning tears from falling.

“I can promise you Mr. and Mrs. Hemmings, that we are doing everything in our power to make sure he makes it through the next 24 hours. He’s a strong little guy.”

“Is there any way we can see him?” Luke’s voice wavers and is thick with emotion.

“Infection is very prominent right now; any outside contact can make him head in a worse direction.”

“Please,” you beg in a whisper meeting Dr. Wilson’s eyes. You notice that they’re brown. “I need to see him. I don’t want him to be alone if he…if he…”

You bite your lip and shake your head; you’re too overcome with emotions to finish a sentence you don’t even want to think about.

“Mrs. Hemmings, I can’t risk your stitches tearing. You’ve lost a lot of blood; your blood pressure is extremely high due to the stress of early labor.”

“I don’t care! Please, let me see him. I need to see what my baby looks like,” you cry. Luke rubs at your shoulder affectionately saying your name. You can’t look at him now. If you do you’ll lose this fiery courage that’s inside you right now.

“I understand. I’ll see what I can do, but are you sure you aren’t in any pain?”

“My stomach hurts,” you whisper.

“I’ll have a nurse fix that for you. I will be right back,” Dr. Wilson smiles then leaves the room.

The male nurse you screamed at comes back in and makes quick work with your IV. You’re too distraught to look or even speak to Luke so you keep your eyes fixed on the white board on the opposite wall. The name of your nurse is Tom, and you look at each yellow face on the ‘rate your pain’ scale. You’re fixated on the number zero face, it’s the happiest looking one with a wide-open smile.

That scale is wrong. The pain and fear and worry you’re feeling doesn’t equate a ten. It’s too powerful, it weighs down on you but at the same time you feel nothing. The pain is too much that it’s also gone. Your pain is at a zero, a big circle of nothing and everything all at once.

**

You’re not sure how much time has passed before Dr. Wilson comes back.

“I cannot take you to see him, but I found a way where you can see him,” she smiles then hands you her iPad.

It’s heavy in your hand and you gasp upon the first look of your baby boy. He’s surrounded by blankets under a large light with tubes, wires, and circular patches attached to his tiny, tiny self. You see his small chest moving rapidly with his breaths and you see the tiniest hat on his head. Luke drapes himself next to you, his lips pressing onto your temple.

“There he is,” you whisper touching your finger to the screen. “He looks so helpless…”

“How is he?” Luke asks.

“His oxygen level is still very low, but he’s taking the nutrients very well.”

You’ve already got his features memorized, and yet you can’t stop looking at him. You wish you could touch him, let him know you’re there and that you love him.

“Can we keep this in here?” you ask.

“Of course. I’ll be back with more updates, but I need you to rest and heal yourself, Mrs. Hemmings. Is there any family we need to contact?”

“The girls!” you gasp and turn to Luke.

“Shit,” he exhales then checks the time on his watch. “Lily’s with Cory by now and Posy…shit! I’ll call Ashton and then call Cory…”

He continues to mumble to himself as he searches for his phone. You turn back to the screen, your heart longing for your little boy.

**

Hours have gone by, the room you’re in is darkened from the night sky peeking through the blinds. The iPad is still on your lap and you’ve heard every conversation Luke has had while he made phone calls. Daycare called Ashton when neither you nor Luke picked Posy up and both of your phones went unanswered.

According to Ashton, Luke sent out a text to the band group chat that said ‘at hospital. Emergency get the girls will call’ but he doesn’t even remember sending it. Everything happened so fast and yet it felt like it dragged.

Posy is at your home with Ashton and KayKay who said will stay with her for as long as you two need. Just when you think of Lily, Luke already asks if they’d be all right picking her up from Cory’s on Sunday and they said yes.

“Lily might want to stay with Cory,” you tell him after he hangs up with Ashton. He’s tapping away at his phone, probably texting Calum and Michael or his family. Or all of them. You’re not sure but now you have Lily and Posy on your mind.

“It’s too late to call him,” Luke mutters and falls into the chair beside your bed. He scoots closer and peers at the iPad screen.

“Where’s my phone? I’ll call him so he and Ella can discuss it,” you hold out your hand.

“Lovie, it’s almost ten thirty at night—”

“Give me my phone so I can call him, Luke,” you interrupt a little too harshly. “Please.”

He holds your gaze for a moment before reaching into his other pants pocket. He hands you your phone and you scroll to Cory’s name under your favorites. You stare at your baby boy as the phone rings.

“Hey, Y/N, what’s going on?” Cory asks and you feel your emotions rising to the surface at the sound of his voice.

You force them down.

“Um, me and Luke are at the hospital. Something…” you suck in a large breath but your voice still trembles. “Something went wrong and I had an emergency C-section and the baby is in the NICU. Posy is home with Ashton and KayKay and they said they’d pick up Lily tomorrow but I know she’d probably want to stay with you. And I…I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but Lily needs to know. She’s been seeing everything going on around her and I don’t want her to be scared.”

“Of course, they can both stay with us. I still have Lily’s toddler bed. How are you? Tell me what’s going on.”

You tell him everything. Luke holds your hand as you do, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over your knuckles and your wedding ring.

“The doctor said he’s all right for now but he has to get through the next 24 hours?” Cory clarifies gently.

“Yes.”

“First of all, congratulations on a little boy,” he says and you can hear his smile through the phone. “You’re doing fine and he is too and he’ll continue to get better because he’s a fighter.”

“How do you know that? He’s so small, Cory….”

“I know it because you’re a fighter, I’m sure you’re giving the nursing staff hell and highwater to get answers,” he chuckles.

“Maybe a little. I feel bad about it.”

“You’re scared and you’re worried and this all happened so fast. But Luke is with you and you’ve got all of us supporting and loving you. You should try and get some sleep and I’ll tell Lily everything in the morning. Do you want me to call you so she can talk to you?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, Cory.”

“Tell Luke I say hi and that I’m here for you two, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, Y/N.”

“Love you too,” you sigh then the call ends. You turn to Luke, the circles under his eyes seem to have darkened and you reach over to touch the shadows on his cheeks. “He said he’ll keep the girls and will call tomorrow so we can talk to Lily. He says hi.”

Luke nods slowly then laces his fingers with yours. He kisses the tips of your fingers, his eyes closing.

**

You and Luke were sent hourly updates on your son. He’s been in the same condition each time, you try to find positivity in that because he’s not getting worse, but he’s also not in the clear yet. When Cory called again with Lily on the phone, you and Luke tried to make your voices sound positive. She asked a lot of questions and wondered when she could come see her new brother.

“He’s a little sick right now, honey. We need him to get better so we can all be together, okay?” you told her and she was silent for a while.

“When are you and dada gonna come home?”

“Hopefully soon, my love,” Luke tells her.

“What about Piggy?”

“Uncle Cal has her at his house,” you make up then quickly look to Luke who’s already pulling out his phone to text Calum.

You’re being horrible parents, forgetting everything like this but all of it still doesn’t seem real. Probably because you haven’t actually seen or held your son in your own arms. Your stitches are healing nicely but your body still seems to think it’s pregnant and that stirs up even more conflicting emotions.

“Be a good girl for your daddy and Ella, okay my sweet?”

“Okay. Can you give my brother a kiss for me?”

“We will, Lily. We love you so much.”

You and Luke tried to occupy your time by watching tv but you’re only watching the bodies move across the screen. You nod on and off but always jerk awake in case you miss the doctor or nurse coming in. Luke comforts you each time, assuring you that there’s no change and points to the screen where you can see your son.

The circles under his eyes only seem to darken with each passing minute. He helps you walk to the bathroom and back into bed. You try telling him he can go home to shower and get more clothes but he refuses.

“I’m not leaving you or our son until I know he’s okay.”

One of your favorite movies is playing on the tv, it’s a black and white film about a couple who adopts a baby girl. It goes through their funny moments trying to figure it all out but it ends tragically with the little girl getting sick. You drifted off before it came to that part and then you were shaken awake by Luke.

Dr. Wilson enters the room with a big smile on her face. You and Luke take hold of each other’s hands, holding onto each other in desperation.

“He’s in the clear. His oxygen levels have elevated and he has a steady heartbeat. It’s still going to be a while until you’ll be able to take him home, he’s still at risk for a lot of infection and we want to make sure his organs continue to develop correctly,” Dr. Wilson explains.

“He’s okay?” you whisper.

“He is. He’s a little warrior.”

“When…when can we see him?” Luke asks.

“Let me check on your stitches first, and if they look all right I can take you down now, if you’d like.”

“Please, please,” you nod scrambling to move your blankets off you.

**

Luke is wheeling you down the brightly lit hallway in the NICU ward, you see other parents hovering around the incubator their baby is in. You and Luke had to be fitted into the light pink gowns with masks and gloves before you could see your son. You were more than okay wearing the odd things if it meant being able to finally see him.

Luke rolls you in between families until Dr. Wilson stops at the last station near the window. A nurse is standing by writing down something on a chart and then you’re right next to his incubator. First, all you can see is a mountain of swaddled blankets with tubes and wires sticking out from every direction. Then you see slight movement and you lean forward and come face to face with your baby.

Tears are rolling down your cheeks as you stare at him. He looks like he could just barely fit in your palms, you see the quick flutter of his heart through his thin chest that has wired tape. You press your hands to the reinforced plastic, the warmth from the light radiates through the gloves.

“Hi, my baby boy, I’m your mama,” you whisper and you’re aching to touch him. You see the two round openings for hands and you move your hands before looking to Dr. Wilson.

“You can touch him, let him know you’re here,” she encourages.

Very carefully, you insert your arm stretching your finger to his small body. You press against his cheek as lightly as you can, he’s warm and that makes you feel better.

“Hi sweetheart,” you continue to talk to him and you hear Luke sniff behind you. “You’re doing so well. Keep it up so you can get big and strong and we can take you home to your big sisters. Your daddy’s here, too.”

Dr. Wilson moves and Luke takes her place. He puts his arm through the opening and strokes his finger down your son’s arm. Your baby trembles a little then leans into your touches. You can’t help the wet smile from forming, he’s perfect. You rub at his forehead gently.

“We need to name him,” you say looking across globe of your son’s new home.

“I haven’t…do you have a name?”

“One popped in my head just now.”

“What is it?”

“Oliver,” you smile glancing down at him. “I was searching through names online and this one stuck out at me. It has a lot of meanings like peace, wisdom, health, and luck.”

“I think it’s perfect,” Luke smiles. “I know he’s only 24 hours old, but he seems very wise to me, don’t you think?”

“Wise and healthy.”

**

Tension has been high between you and Luke. You were at the hospital for a week and a few days more because you had contracted an infection at your incision site. It’s pretty common for an infection but that meant you couldn’t go visit Oliver. Once your infection was cleared you were discharged to go home.

You and Luke moved around each other like orbits just passing by. When you wake in the morning you move about the room like robots, barely looking at each other until you’re ready to go. Cory, Ashton, and the others stayed with Lily and Posy during the day while the both of you went to the hospital to visit Oliver. You missed Lily and Posy terribly and only saw them when they were fast asleep by the time you got home. 

You’d even forgotten about Posy’s birthday and it made you feel even worse than you already felt. Your hormones are abnormal and your body still feels like it’s pregnant even though you know you’re not. It’s a weird feeling, it’s a sad feeling because you can’t even hold your baby that is no longer inside your stomach. 

To your surprise, Ashton and KayKay had orchestrated Posy’s birthday for you and Luke. 

“We have to put on a happy face for Po,” Luke says softly on the morning of her birthday.

Your bodies are set to an automatic alarm because of the hospital visits. You’re staring at the ceiling then roll over to face Luke who is also facing the ceiling with his hands behind his head. You take in his profile, the sharp angle of his nose, his full beard and the smooth skin of his arms over lean muscles. It’s been so long since you’ve touched each other. 

Does he miss you too?

“I’m trying to,” you whisper and silently beg him to look at you. To kiss you. To hold you. To tell you that everything is going to be all right.

Instead, he sighs then rolls out of bed. You watch the muscles in his back pull and tighten when he puts on a t-shirt and heads into the bathroom. You flick your eyes back to the ceiling, swiping away the tears that fall anyway. You’re only allowing yourself those two tears because you know you won’t stop once you start. 

Luke can’t see you break. Lily and Posy can’t see you break. 

“Ash said he and KayKay will be here at ten to start decorating. I want to make the girls breakfast, hopefully make up for lost time,” Luke announces out of the bathroom. 

“Good idea,” you nod then will yourself out of bed. You force yourself to not touch your belly, but like every morning, you always do. It’s still a little swollen from the pregnancy and the incision, but you know it’s empty. 

Before you grab your satin robe, you glance at Luke who had his eyes fixed on your hands over your belly. He meets your eyes for a moment, looks like he’s about to say something, but he leaves the room. 

You’re tired of feeling broken and empty.

**

The girls were ecstatic waking up to you and Luke. Posy was situated on Luke’s hip as he made her favorite breakfast and Lily filled you in on what’s going on at school and with Roman. She talked until Ashton and KayKay arrived and your heart had sunk all the way to your stomach because of how much you’ve missed in Lily and Posy’s life the last few weeks. 

You helped where you could with the decorations and then you remembered Posy wanted a dinosaur cake but before you could panic, Cory and Ella arrived with the cake. 

You tried to keep on a brave face throughout the party. You helped Posy open her presents, you talked with your friends and family. You couldn’t help the way your eyes gravitated towards Ella who is about 35 weeks along now. 

It’s another reminder that you aren’t pregnant and that your baby is in critical condition. You shake it off because you have to. Your phone sends you updates on Oliver by the hour, and he’s remained stable for the whole day which is improvement. 

“Thank you so much for doing all of this,” you tell Ashton and KayKay as they’re leaving. Aside from Cory and Ella, they’re the last to leave.

“No problem at all,” Ashton smiles pulling you in for a hug. He kisses the top of your head. “We’re more than happy to help. We’ll plan another one when our boy Oliver is home.”

“We’re all here for you, love you,” KayKay smiles and wraps you in her arms. 

“We love you, too.”

“Unca Ash bye-bye?” Posy asks next to you. She looks up at Ashton with big puppy eyes, her arms up. 

“Yeah, little one. We need to go to bed, just like you!” he lifts her in his arms and blows raspberry kisses on her cheek. “Did you have fun at your party?”

“Yeah!” she claps her hands. 

“Good! Now, you go to bed like mama says and we’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Otay.”

“Love you.”

“Luh you,” she sings and hugs his neck while KayKay takes her hand and kisses her fingers. 

“Let’s go to bed, Pose,” you take her from Ashton then wave one last time as they head out the door. 

“I’ll be outside, babe. My feet are killing me,” Ella tells Cory then she moves to you with Lily’s hand in hers. “We’ll be here bright and early so you can go see how Oliver’s doing.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry we’re--”

“You have nothing to apologize for. It’s what families do. Try and get some sleep tonight,” Ella touches your arm, her face turns into a frown. “You look exhausted.”

“I’ll try.”

You know you won’t. 

She kisses Posy and gives Lily one more hug then waddles outside to the car. Cory and Luke are cleaning up last call cups and you take your girls to their rooms to do their bedtime routine. You try and keep Posy in your arms as long as you can, hugging her and loving on her. 

She doesn’t even make it halfway through her favorite book, Where the Wild Things Are, and then you take Lily into her room. 

“When can I see my brother?” she asks as you tuck her in. 

“I don’t know yet, sweetheart,” you reply sadly, “he needs to get better first. Dada and I talk about you and Posy all the time to him.”

“You do?” her eyes widen in amazement. “Can I bring him a present?”

“I think he’d like that very much.”

“Mama?” 

“Hm?” you tuck her snuffy and bunny next to her under the covers. 

“I missed you,” she says quietly.

Your heart jolts. You stop fixing up her toys and look down at Lily, your first baby, and she’s playing with the ear of her bunny. The pink bunny she’s had since she first met Luke.

“I miss you, too. I’m so sorry we haven’t been here with you and Posy. Dada and I are going to fix that, okay?” you ask and she nods. You lean down to give her a kiss and a hug, her arms tighten around your neck.

You don’t let go until she does. You shut off her light and close the door, with just a small crack left open. You’re going to talk to Luke, you’ve decided as you head back downstairs. You tried having just one of you go to the hospital while the other stayed home with the girls but neither one of you wanted to be away if Oliver’s health took a turn. 

Just as you’re about to enter the kitchen, you hear your name between Luke and Cory. 

“Y/N’s in bad shape,” Cory says.

“Yeah, I know.”

“This has happened before, where she shuts down and tries to fix it herself but she can’t.”

“I know that, too, considering she’s my wife.” Luke’s voice is clipped, each word sharp as a knife. You’re shocked at it; he and Cory have always been on good terms with each other. 

“Have you tried talking to her about it? Because the way you two were acting tonight was like you didn’t even want to be near each other. She doesn’t need that, not right now when--”

“Look, I know you and Y/N have a close bond. It’s something I’ve tried to understand but I can’t and there’s nothing I can do to change that. It doesn’t bother me as much as it did in the beginning, but I don’t need your advice on how to help my wife.”

What did he mean ‘in the beginning’?

“Yeah? You had no problem taking my help when you broke up with her those three months,” Cory’s voice now has more of an edge to it. 

“I’m surprised you helped in the first place. You think I didn’t notice how you looked at her? We’re handling this on our own.”

“You’re not handling anything! Neither of you are! Yeah, I care about Y/N, that won’t ever change and she’s hurting. Bad. If you won’t do something about it, then I will.”

“The hell you will. I appreciate all you’ve done for my family, but you’re crossing a line.”

“Stop.” 

You whisper the word as you stand in front of them but it catches their attention. Luke’s hands are balled into fists at his sides and Cory’s body is in a similar defense stance. They look to you.

“I am trying, okay? I’m trying to stay strong and hopeful for Oliver. I’m trying to keep on a brave face for Lily and Posy. I’m trying to decipher which feelings I should be feeling or which ones are still phantom pregnancy ones and I don’t even know if those are real. My body has already fallen apart, I don’t need my family to as well.”

“Y/N.”

“I feel horrible that I forgot Posy’s birthday. How could I forget that? My mind is constantly running and I’m so exhausted but I can’t sleep because I’m worrying. Please don’t fight, I can’t handle it.”

“Y/N... what can I do?” Cory asks almost pleadingly. 

Luke scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“I think you should go home. I know you mean well, Cory, but you don’t want to keep Ella waiting in the car.”

“I can--”

“Just go, Cory,” you say in a softer tone. You glance to Luke who is pointedly staring at a spot on the wall then look back to Cory. “Luke and I need to talk.”

Cory keeps staring at you as if checking that you really want him to leave. You nod. He sighs. 

“I’m sorry, you’re right,” he steps away from Luke then grabs your hand. “Call if you need anything.” He gives you a squeeze as you nod at his offer. 

The door closes with a soft snap and it’s just you and Luke now, all of your demons joined together. 

“What did you mean when you said, ‘it didn’t bother you like in the beginning’?” 

“I can’t talk about this now,” he shakes his head and shuffles towards the basement door where his music room is.

Good. It’s soundproof and if there will be yelling, it won’t wake the girls. You follow him downstairs.

“We are going to talk about this now. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with you and I don’t know what to do! We don’t talk about Oliver, so let’s talk about you and Cory!” you follow him until he turns around quickly. His eyes ablaze.

“No, let’s talk about you and Cory. You’re only talking to him about Oliver. You called him right after everything happened.”

“Because he had Lily! You called everyone else!”

“None of them are in love with you!”

“WHAT?! That doesn’t even make sense!”

“When we started dating, I had a feeling Cory still loved you. I saw it in the way he looked at you and he’s been looking at you that same way now. You don’t talk to me about Oliver, you talk to him. How do you think that makes me feel? Oliver is our son.”

“I try to talk to you! But you always pull away! He doesn’t love me like you think he does, and the fact you’re bringing this up now, years later, is ridiculous.”

“Right,” he snorts, “it’s ridiculous that the ex of my wife who is the father of her child still loves you.”

“Yes!” you screech and fist your hands in the air in frustration. “Do you even hear yourself? He’s engaged to Ella. He’s having a baby with Ella!”

“Then why do you talk to him about Oliver and not me? Huh?” he advances towards you, towering over you. 

“Because I blame myself every day that this happened and you do, too. You can’t even look at me and I…” you choke on your words; Luke’s hardened expression softens as your words sink in. “I feel like I’m losing you.”

Then you’re gasping for air as the tears you’ve been bottling up come crashing down. Your weird emotions, your worry, your fear, everything you’ve been feeling finally falls out in the open. It crashes between you and Luke like a tidal wave. Your body feels weak and you almost collapse onto the small couch but Luke grabs hold of your waist, his other hand cupping your face.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me, look at me,” he rushes out. “I don’t blame you; I could never blame you. This isn’t your fault; do you hear me?” his eyes have a half-crazed look in them and somehow that grounds you.

“W-why wo-won’t you l-l-look at m-me?” you sob coughing out the words. 

“Oh, baby,” he sighs then awkwardly shifts around until you fall on top of him on the couch. He holds you tight against him. You’re immediate to wrap yourself around him like a pretzel “It’s because I don’t know what to say. I wish I could make this all better, make Oliver healthy, take all your pain away. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now and it kills me to see you like this.”

“I’m a horrible mom,” you cry harshly into his chest. 

Luke pushes you off of him and he’s blurred through your tears. 

“Don’t you ever say that again. You give everything and a million times more in love to our children. I see how hard you’re trying to keep it together, and it kills me.”

“I’m s--”

Luke mashes his lips to yours and you close your eyes. It’s wet and salty, it tastes of heartache and regret and yet his kiss feels like home. 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he mumbles. “Stop--” he kisses you again “--just stop--” he kisses you once more with his fingers tangling in your hair. 

You wanted to be closer to him, feel every part of him touch every part of you but you aren’t past the six weeks mark yet. 

“I love you,” you whisper.

“I love you, too. Let’s take a warm shower and talk things out.”

After a warm shower of kisses and roaming hands, you snuggled against Luke in your bed and tried to come up with a plan where you could be home and at the hospital equally. And you both decided that as soon as Dr. Wilson gives the okay, you’re going to bring the girls to meet him.

When you’ve talked and finalized plans, you gaze at Luke as his eyes start to close. You stroke the slope of his nose, itching to ask him about the fight he had with Cory earlier. You open your mouth to ask and then close it just as quickly. Luke’s eyes open up and he pulls you against him, his fingers tickle the skin of your back. 

“I know you want to ask, so ask.”

“Why do you think Cory is still in love with me?”

He sighs heavily.

“I don’t. I guess I went back to old thoughts and insecurities.”

“So, you thought he still was at one point?”

“I knew he was because he told me. When we weren’t together those three months, he came by and told me how you and Lily were doing. The way he looked at you...it’s how I look at you. And when he tried to help us tonight…” he closes his eyes and shakes his head in embarrassment. “I was stupid. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long,” you caress his bearded cheek.

“I honestly don’t think about it anymore, it just sprung up in my mind tonight,” he sighs. “I appreciate everything Cory’s been doing. I’ll call him tomorrow and apologize.”

“You know how much I love you?” your fingers brush his damp curls from his forehead that you press your lips too. You breathe in his shampoo, his skin soft and his own fingers slip under your shirt to keep caressing your back.

“About as much as I love you.”

He kisses your chin as you kiss his cheek and eventually your lips find each other.

**

It’s been a month and Oliver is still in the hospital. He’s progressing well and getting stronger every day. Posy and Lily were able to come visit him with Michael and Calum in tow. Posy ran to Luke who he picked up and peppered kisses to her cheeks and Lily ran to you with a little gift bag in her hands.

“What’s this?” you ask her as Luke points Oliver out to Posy, Calum, and Michael.

“Unca Mikey said this will help Oliver feel better,” Lily pulls out a small green octopus.

“I read online that it helps them feel comforted if they can’t be held yet,” Michael explains and you give him a smile.

“Can we give it to him mama?” Lily asks setting the bag on the floor.

“I think that’s a great idea,” you kiss her cheek then stand. “Let’s head inside.”

When you’re all gathered around Oliver, Calum lifts Lily in his arms so she can see him from up above and you slip the little octopus inside the round hole. You press it under his arm delicately, his tiny, tiny fingers latch on to one of the tentacles.

“Baby!” Posy points.

“He likes it!” Lily exclaims and Calum grins at her.

“Of course, he does, it’s from you and Po,” Calum says.

“And me,” Michael grumbles stepping a little closer to the incubator. His eyes soften when he looks over his nephew and you can almost sense his sadness.

“Thank you for getting it for him,” you link your arm through his and rest your head against his shoulder. “It was very thoughtful.”

“How long do you think it will be until you can bring him home?” Michael asks watching his tiny chest flutter with each breath.

“Until he’s at a healthy weight and can be taken off the ventilator,” Luke answers.

“Is he going to sleep with me?” Lily asks.

You and Luke share a look. You hadn’t thought about that. Before all of this happened, you still had a lot of time before you got his nursery ready. There is the playroom you could transform into a nursery…

“No, he’ll have his own room, sweets. When he’s home he might cry a lot and wake you up at night.”

“That’s okay. I can help.”

“You’re the best big sister ever, you know that?” Calum looks to her and she smiles sheepishly.

“Would Crystal help us change the playroom into a nursery?” you ask Michael.

“Definitely.”

“I think we should tell them his middle name,” Luke smiles at you.

“What is it?” Calum asks.

“Well, we decided on Michael,” you grin at Michael whose eyes widen. “You jump started us trying for another baby and when we decided on it Oliver sneezed. So, he likes it and it fits him perfectly.”

“Oliver Michael…” Calum tests it out then nods. “Yeah, sounds good to me. If you guys have another one, Calum’s a pretty kick ass name.”

“That means a lot guys, thank you,” Michael shifts his arm so he can pull you in for a hug. He kisses the top of your head.

**

A few weeks later, Ella had her beautiful baby girl, Violetta. You wanted to give them some time alone before bringing the girls over to their house to meet her. Lily sat on the couch with Violetta resting on a pillow on her lap and Posy sat next to her, staring at Violetta with curious eyes. It was odd to see the size difference between her and Oliver.

“She’s beautiful,” you tell Ella. She just took a photo of the three girls together.

“Thank you. I can’t believe she’s finally here,” she sighs tiredly then glances to Luke and Cory who are talking outside. “Cory told me what happened after Posy’s birthday.”

“Oh,” you clear your throat awkwardly, “he did, did he?”

“I know you two have a special bond, you have a history and Lily…I’m sorry that things escalated like that. How’s Luke?”

“He’s okay now, we talked about it. Ella, I hope you know that I don’t love Cory how I love Luke.”

“Oh, I know! We’re all a big, blended family, sometimes things get messy but I’ve never had a big family before. I adore you and Luke. I’m not upset at all, I understand.”

“Good. We adore you, too,” you smile then gaze at Violetta. You see more of Ella in her than Cory but she also resembles Lily a little.

“Would you like to hold her?” Ella asks gently.

“I’d love to,” you smile then push her back in her seat. “Rest, I bet you’re still sore. Lily, I’m going to hold your new sister now, okay? Why don’t you and Posy go play for a little bit.”

You lift Violetta off of Lily’s lap and the two girls run into Lily’s room. Violetta rests comfortably in the crook of your arm, she sleeps peacefully as you sway from side to side.

“Hi, pretty girl,” you coo. “You are such a pretty little one, aren’t you? Yeah, you get that from your mommy.”

“How’s Oliver doing?”

“Better, they’re talking about taking him off the ventilator soon and see how he does. He’s gaining more weight, not as fast as they want but it’s something,” you smile.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. And you and Luke?”

“We’re…coping. We’re still trying to find the balance between the hospital and home, but now that Lily’s out of school it’s much easier to come and go.”

“If you and Luke ever want to take a long weekend, the girls can stay here.”

“Oh, no, not with Violetta just being born! I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed—”

“I insist. It will give me practice if we have more kids,” Ella smiles.

“We’ll be outnumbered then,” you laugh. “The kid to adult ratio is even now.”

“You’re right,” Ella laughs. “They’re going to rule our world.”

“I don’t mind, they’re pretty awesome,” you shrug and gaze down at Violetta. You hope you’ll be able to hold Oliver like this soon.

**

Luke’s birthday is approaching and he’s told you repeatedly he doesn’t want a big party or anything this year. The only thing he wants is to hopefully bring Oliver home by the end of the month. You were finally able to hold him and have some skin-to-skin contact.

You sat in the rocking chair next to his incubator and the nurse placed him on your chest. His skin is warm and beneath the starchy hospital smell, he had that natural smell all babies have. You couldn’t help but cry after finally holding him after almost three months of just looking at him. His fingers flexed on your chest before you slipped your pinky between them. He held on tightly.

“Hi baby boy,” you whisper kissing the top of his little hat. “Remember me?”

“How does he feel?” Luke asks, his voice thick with emotion.

“He’s that piece I’ve been missing.”

You could sit there for hours just holding him but you know how badly Luke wanted to hold his son so you changed places. He unbuttoned his shirt and the nurse helped you place Oliver on his chest.

“He’s so small,” Luke smiles fondly. “Hi buddy, I’m your daddy. You’re doing so good getting all big and strong. Your mama and I can’t wait to take you home. We’re going to have a big party, but I promise I’ll make everyone keep it quiet.”

“It’s nice to see you holding him,” you sniff and he starts to rock.

“It was nice to see you hold him, too,” he smiles. “We’ll take him home soon. We’re almost there.”

**

On Luke’s birthday, you and the girls surprised him with breakfast in bed and a brand-new record collection he’s been talking about. Michael and Crystal offered to watch the girls while you visited Oliver. You promised you’d be back by dinner time and you secretly arranged Luke’s favorite food to be delivered.

The two of you sat with Oliver and talked about how far he’s come along. He’s at four pounds already and is now in an open crib rather than an incubator. His organs have developed how they should and he’s had no complications. Dr. Chambers wants him to stay until he’s five pounds just to be sure he’s still gaining weight like he should.

The nurse told you you could try and start breast feeding him soon.

With multiple kisses to Oliver, you left him for the night to continue Luke’s birthday at home. Michael told you the girls wanted to bake a cake and he sent you photos and videos of the whole experience. You couldn’t wait to surprise Luke with the meal.

When you got home you noticed Michael’s car was gone and the house was quiet. There was a big balloon on the kitchen table next to the delivery bag of Luke’s favorite restaurant and the cake the girls made along with a note.

“’Our birthday gift to you is two things: a night alone and a new room. Enjoy your birthday! Love Michael and Crystal,’” Luke reads off from a note. He turns to you with a lopsided smile.

“A new room? What does that mean?” you examine the note.

“It better not be some kinky sex room,” Luke mutters and you nudge him in the shoulder. “Let’s go explore.”

He takes you by the hand and you make your way upstairs to the bedrooms. The light of the playroom is on so you turn in there and gasp. It’s been transformed into Oliver’s room. There’s a beautiful white crib filled with small stuffed animals and a dinosaur blanket. His name is above his crib in block letters and there’s a bookshelf with some trinkets and books.

You page through them and see each one was given to you by your friends with a little message written inside for Oliver. You can’t wait to have Oliver in here, safe and warm.

“I have a feeling Michael is going to spoil Oliver.”

“Probably,” you giggle and turn to face him. He’s looking at the other shelf that holds some clothes and blankets.

His shoulders are broad in his simple black shirt, his curls have gotten curlier because he’s let his hair grow out along with his beard. Your stomach flips as a dirty thought of feeling his beard on the inside of your thighs enters your mind. How’d you get so lucky to have this strong, handsome, talented, kind man to be your husband?

“They’re spoiling us too, you know,” you step closer to him tickling your fingers up and down his arm. He looks down at you. “We have the whole house to ourselves birthday man. What do you want to do first?”

“I’d love to do you.”

You’re both careful as you get reacquainted with each other’s bodies. He removes your clothes carefully and you fall onto your bed, arms stretched out for him. You watch him with hungry eyes as he removes his own clothes then climbs over you. Before he can kiss you, you press your palms against his chest and stomach, feeling his heartbeat and warmth of his body.

“I’ll never get over you like this,” you sigh leaning up to kiss his collarbone.

“I’ll never get over you like this,” he repeats and pushes you back. He falls with you, pulling deep kisses from you before leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down your body. He makes sure to kiss at the scar from your C-section. “So beautiful. Every inch of you.”

“Have I told you how much I love your beard?” you ask scratching your nails through the soft hair. “It’s very sexy.”

“Yeah? I don’t look like a lumberjack?”

“You’d make a sexy lumberjack. I wouldn’t complain.”

Soft loving words are exchanged along with wandering hands as he works you up. When you finally connect, you sigh and squeeze your nails into his shoulders. His thrusts are shallow and controlled making sure not to hurt you but also wanting to make this reconnection last.

“Feels so good to be in you again,” he mumbles in your neck. You glide your hands down his back and to the globes of his ass, you give a squeeze and try to make him move faster. “Missed you.”

“Missed you, too,” you sigh turning your head and your tongues connect.

It’s gentle and intimate and your orgasm is slow building but when it washes over you, you’re left in a warmth that you’ve been craving. It’s a warmth only Luke can provide, it’s his love and your love coming together.

Afterwards, you heat up the food and eat it in bed along with the cake. Being cheeky, you swipe the frosting on your finger and drag it onto his stomach.

“Who’s gonna clean that up?”

“Mmm, me,” you straddle his thighs, the shirt of his you wear to bed rides up and you press your hands onto his waist. You lean down and lick the frosting up with your tongue, he sighs heavily beneath you as you lick some more.

When he’s finally clean, your fingers slip beneath the waistband of his boxers continuing your kisses to his half hard cock. You swipe your tongue over his shaft, circling it around his tip and he springs to life.

“Lovie…” he groans.

“Shh,” you hush glancing up at him. His chest is heaving as you take him in your mouth. He groans again, his fingers tangling in your hair but letting you move as you see fit.

You love pleasuring him this way and it’s been so long since you have. You bob up and down, your spit dribbling down his shaft. He moans with each pull of your mouth, his hips rising to meet your motions. You feel his thighs clench so you know he’s close.

“Y/N…baby…lovie,” he pulls you off him then drags you up to him. “Wanna make you come again.”

He pushes himself inside you and you let out a loud moan as you sink down onto him. You start to move but Luke grips the sides of your ass and fucks up into you. Your mouth falls open at the pace, his balls slap your ass and your toes start to curl.

You’re chanting ‘yes’ and his name, the words tumbling over one another and you’re coming again. With a small scream you feel Luke pull out as his release is expelled between you. You’re pulsating and his fingers twiddle with your clit so you’re still coming together.

When you’re both finished, your breathing is hard and you giggle when you open your eyes. His cheeks are a little pink and he has this glazed over expression on his face.

“I think we should go clean up, hm?” his fingers tickle your thigh and you tremble at his touch. You nod.

You used a washcloth to clean up leftover frosting and his orgasm. Luke kisses your neck and your shoulders before he moves to the large tub and turns the taps. When the tub is full of bubbles and the jets are on, he holds you in his arms. The records you bought playing softly in the background.

“This reminds me of when we first started dating,” you say playing with his fingers. “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.”

“If I had my way I’d want to do this all the time with you,” he chuckles in your ear before nibbling on the lobe. “But we have other responsibilities.”

“We’ll be able to bring Oliver home soon, right?”

“Of course, we will. This is just temporary until he’s five pounds. You’re going to be able to breastfeed and he’ll gain that one pound so fast.” He kisses your temple next and you sit in silence for a while.

“Did you imagine any of this happening when you met me at the coffee shop?”

“No, but I wouldn’t want my life any other way. You’ve filled my life with so much adventure and love. I never pictured myself with three kids, but I couldn’t imagine my life without them, or you. Did you imagine our life like this?”

“No,” you smile against his arm and kiss it. “But it’s the best. I’m thankful Oliver has come along this far, and Posy is our rambunctious girl and Lily is starting to become her own person now. It’s all happening so fast but with you beside me…I don’t have enough words to describe it. You’re the love of my life.”

“And you’re the love of mine,” he collects you in his arms. “We’ll bring our boy home soon.”

**

On August first, you were told you could bring Oliver home. You couldn’t even believe it but when Oliver’s NICU team and Dr. Chambers and Dr. Wilson showed up with balloons and a farewell card you started to cry. You hugged and thanked them all from the bottom of your heart and promised to keep in touch.

Oliver would need frequent doctor visits until he was about three to check his prognosis but you were so happy to bring him home finally. Luke called everyone while you got Oliver settled in his carrier, you made sure to put his octopus next to him. You sat in back with him while Luke drove, you couldn’t stop looking at Oliver. He’s grown so much and he’s healthy and strong.

You notice all of the cars parked along the street and you’re welcomed with your family as you and Luke enter your home. There’s a banner above welcoming Oliver home finally. You appreciated them all keeping their distance and not overcrowding Oliver, but you were happy they were all there to welcome your sone home.

Lily and Posy couldn’t stop looking at him in his carrier while he slept and Posy kept bringing some toys to show him. Everyone stayed for another hour and then you had to feed Oliver. He squirmed and cried because you woke him but you were on a tight feeding schedule so he would stay on track. Lily and Posy watched curiously as you breastfed. Luke watched fondly and then he told the girls their lunch was ready.

All four of you stayed around Oliver until it was time for him to go to bed—then you’d be feeding him in a few hours. Posy and Lily snuggled with you and Luke on the couch as you all watched a movie, their giggles at the animations jokes filled your heart with joy. Luke reached over and took your hand so he could kiss it, mumbling an ‘I love you.’

You were finally a family of five, home and safe.

***

Taglist:  @calpalirwin @myloverboyash @loveroflrh @cxddlyash @princesslrh @spicyca @notinthesameguey @itjustkindahappenedreally @calumance @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt​ @sarcastically-defensive17​ @another-lonely-heart​ @devilatmydoor​ @thatscooibaby​ @suchalonelysunflower​ @dead-and-golden​ @mymindwide​ @blackbutterfliescal​ @redrattlers​ @karajaynetoday​ @quasighost​ @i-like-5sos​ @creampiecashton​ @calpops​ @littledrummeraussie​ @sexgodashton​ @f-mu​ @mystic-232

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝕲𝖔𝖑𝖉𝖊𝖓

____________________________

𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖌!𝕭𝖚𝖈𝖐𝖞 𝖝 𝕶𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙!𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝕬𝖀

𝕾𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞: When the Queen falls sick and passes away, King Bucky must marry another, preferably the princess of an alliance kingdom nearby, in order to keep peace and order among the lands. However she is the most god awful human being anyone has ever met. Her guard however well she was definitely not what the king expected.

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘: nothing (part two)

𝖆/𝖓: opening a taglist for those who want to be tagged in future parts! just message me, reblog, ask, whatever works best for y’all! thanks so much for the love on the first already! 

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 1.4k

part one |

___________________________

“Psst!” you turned around in search of the voice.

“Psst! Y/n!”

“Wanda?”

Wanda was the town witch. She lives right behind the kingdom’s castle in the woods and often visits you when she gets bored. 

“Hey I’m waiting for shit to do it’s thing and I remembered the pretty king was supposed to come today,” she said winking. 

“Indeed. He and his colleagues are having breakfast right now.”

“And you’re out here because?”

“The Queen and Charlotte joined them.”

“Oh, ew.”

“I’m rather fond of the Queen, she’s like my mother,” you said. 

“I was talking about Charlotte. Anyway, have you seen him?”

“Of course. I was the first to greet them.”

“What does he look like? Is he old and ugly looking for fresh meat?”

“No, actually quite young to be a King in my opinion.”

“Is he handsome?” she quirked.

“I don’t think I’m allowed to say.” you avoided. There was no way that you were going to tell Wanda about how incredibly jealous you may be of Charlotte. She gets the chance to possibly marry one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever laid your eyes on. How you kept composure when you first saw him will forever remain a mystery.

“So he is handsome,” Wanda interrupted.

“Pardon?”

“You know I can read minds.”

“Right.” 

“So tell me how did you keep your composure? Also I must meet him now that he’s got your panties in a bunch. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so flustered over a man. Not since-”

“I’m not flustered! And yes, he is quite handsome but he’s here for Charlotte.”

“So you have zero chance?”

“Not that I want one but yes.”

“That sucks.”

“Excuse me,” King James startled you both. 

“Your majesty,” you both said bowing. 

“Do you know where I could find the king’s advisor? Bruce, I believe.”

“Ah yes. I can show you the way if you’d like?” you responded.

“Yes please. But allow me to find my own advisor before we head over.”

“That’s alrig-”

“James. I apologize for my tardiness,” a man with blonde hair said approaching you guys.

“Y/n, this is my advisor, Vision. Vision, this is the king’s lead knight.”

“Hello. And hello there,” he looked behind you where Wanda was hiding quite poorly if you do say so.

“Wanda it’s alright. I’ll be back.”

“He’s cute. I like him,” you heard her say in your head. You had to stifle a chuckle but proceeded to lead the men to Doctor Bruce Banner, the king’s advisor and doctor of the castle. 

“Good afternoon, Dr. Bruce. I’ve brought our guests King James Barnes and his accomplice advisor Vision.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Vision.”

You watched the men interact and felt yourself becoming a bother to them so you slipped out quietly and went ahead to look for Charlotte. Bucky, clueless to what the men began talking about, also slipped out the room following close behind you. 

“Miss,” Bucky called for you.

“Yes? Is there anything you need? I was just about to fetch Charlotte for you to meet.”

“Oh that’s wonderful hope you don’t mind if I tag along. I have no idea where I am,” he laughed. God, his laugh was beautiful. Smooth like butter.

“No need to fret. So tell me about yourself.”

“Well, my parents died young so I’ve been King for quite too long now.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

“It’s alright. They were quite sick, nothing could’ve saved them. I had married Elizabeth but she too grew sick and passed away not long ago. My people demanded a queen so when your king had offered his youngest daughter I figured I’d come for the sake of my people.”

“You’ll like her,” you hesitated. Charlotte was pretty awful.

“Really?” He sounded skeptical. 

“I will not speak ill of the king’s daughter. It is my job to protect her,” you hesitated.

“So no?”

“No.” you gave in. 

Charlotte was in her room with Bucky’s friend Natasha completely talking her ear off. When you and Bucky arrived her eyes grew wide and she sighed in relief that she doesn’t have to talk to her anymore. 

“I have to go,” Natasha said to Charlotte.

“But-”

“Charlotte, the king is here for you,” you announced.

“HI!” she shouted, startling everyone in the room. 

“Good fucking luck,” Natasha whispered to Bucky.

“Come let’s go,” she grabbed your arm and dragged you away.

You nodded to Charlotte and closed the doors. You stepped to the side to guard the door when Natasha had halted turning back to you. 

“What are you doing?” she asked you.

“I’m guarding the princess’s room. There is an unknown man in her room and I must be here to make sure she’s safe.”

“Bucky isn’t gonna hurt her.”

“You never know.”

“Well, I want to chat with you. I like you. Wasn’t expecting a woman to be a lead knight. You should meet with Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers. They’re Bucky’s most noble knights and I think you’d like them.”

“And if the princess is harmed?”

“Have another guard protect her.” 

You were contemplating because meeting with the other knights did seem more appealing than standing in front of the princess’s room all day. Thor, one of your more admirable friends within the army, also the king’s personal guard, was walking down the corridor, probably keeping watch for there were many unknown guests in the castle. 

“Thor!” you shouted, bringing attention to you and Natasha. 

“Good evening, dame.” 

“Would you be able to guard the princess’s room while I speak with King James’s knights.”

“Of course.”

You bowed your head and walked with Natasha back to the dining hall where the men. 

“Boys, I brought her.”

The men’s eyes grew wide as they walked toward you to greet you with enthusiasm. 

“Good afternoon. I’m Sir Steven Grant Rogers and this is Sir Sam Wilson. We are noble knights and loyal friends of King James Barnes. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Thank you as to you, I’m Dame Y/n L/n; though I’m sure you knew.”

“We truly admire your bravery and skill as a knight and especially as a woman. It’s rare to see someone like you excel in power the way you do,” Sam said. 

“Why is it so hard for men to believe that women can be and are strong and brave like men,” Natasha nudged your arm. 

“Couldn’t tell you,” you joked.

“Y/n, I have a young knight back home that I believe would deeply appreciate your intel and advice on fighting and chivalry. Would you ever be interested in teaching the lad? Assuming this marriage goes well,” Steve asked you.

“Well, even if not I don’t see why we can’t keep an alliance. I would love to,” you responded.

“How did you become a knight?” Natasha asked you.

“Well, I was born to thieves and they were captured by the king. They were cowards however and took cyanide instead of pleading a case. I was eight at the time. The queen found me and practically took me in as her own. I wasn’t too fond of the pretty dresses and crowns. The queen had me learn to fight and now here we are. I’ve been a lead knight for years now. Until the last battle against the rebels but we hadn’t needed the army since then so now the king has me as his youngest daughter's personal guard.”

“What happened at the battle?” Natasha asked.

“I wouldn’t rather talk about that,” you whispered shyly. It was a horrible day for you and your men. You won but not without lots of bloodshed and loss. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“It’s alright.”

“Y/n!” the king called for you.

“Yes, your majesty?” 

“Show our guests to their rooms and make sure everything is in order for the celebration in a few weeks.”

“Of course.”

You led them to their rooms and little did you know Bucky had listened to almost everything you had to say to his friends. He had to step away from Charlotte as she was simply speaking ill of the kingdom’s chefs and maids and you at some point. She also talked extremely high of herself, too high.

Unlucky for her, he was beginning to grow more fond of you than the girl that wouldn’t stop talking about herself moments ago. 

The celebration he and many kings had been invited to was only a few weeks away. And Bucky and his friends would be staying with the king until then. He was determined to get to know you in every way possible. He hoped that you would let him, until then he was going to have to pretend to be interested in the brat that was the king’s daughter.

======================================

𝕿𝖆𝖌𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙:

@velvetcardiganbucky​

@chipilerendi​

@heavenhatesme

@austynparksandpizza

@ahahafudge​

[iamtrebleclefstories]

help, ‘cause I need saving - part two

six times Jo and Alex saved each other from horrible dates and the one time they didn’t

a two-shot fic taking place in a Season 9 alternate universe

if you haven’t read part one, you can read it here => six times

"You look mopey-er than normal," Cristina commented as she walked into the house. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing," Alex frowned and took a swig of his beer.

"Where's the hairball? I normally would've seen her by now but I haven't seen her in the past few days," Cristina watched as Alex sat on the couch in silence. "So that's what's got you all depressed. What happened? Did she realize that you're a jerk and stop hanging out with you?"

"I kissed her."

"What?" Cristina raised her eyebrows.

"I kissed her," Alex repeated. "Or maybe she kissed me. I don't know. All I know is that she has been avoiding me for the past five days since it happened."

“Crap,” Cristina sat down on the couch next to him. “Well, was it bad?”

“No it wasn’t bad,” Alex shook his head. “At least, not for me it wasn’t. I—I’m just… such an idiot. I love her.”

Cristina stared at him in mild shock that he had actually said the words, “Woah.”

“Yeah,” Alex sighed. “I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t want me. If she did, she would’ve realized that I was trying to ask her to go out with me for drinks that night she decided to go out with that douche Peckwell.”

“Wow, you really are an idiot,” Alex glared as Cristina rolled her eyes. “You two are drinking buddies, friends, joined at the hip. All you ever do together is drink beer and hang out. Of course she’s not going to realize that you were asking her to go on a date with you. It’s what you always do together anyway. You may not realize it, but you’ve been unofficially dating each other for the past few months without knowing it.”

“Well it doesn’t really matter now. Whatever we had going on is over,” Alex huffed in frustration. “I always screw myself out of everything good.”

“How are you going to know it’s over if you haven’t even talked to her about it, dumbass?” Cristina swatted him on the side of his head. “Put on your big girl panties and just talk to her.”

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I’m her boss,” Alex made a weak excuse.

“That’s a load of crap and you know it,” Cristina sighed. “Whatever, you can wallow in your pit of sorrow by yourself. I’m going to get ready because Owen’s coming over.”

+++

He should’ve known that things wouldn’t end there. Cristina was persistent, and although she claimed not to care, she was deeply invested in her friends’ lives and did her best to help them when she could. It was a side of Yang that very few people rarely got to see and being one of her oldest friends, Alex was one of them. And since he was one of her oldest friends, Cristina had also enlisted Meredith for help.

“Come on, don’t be like that. It’s a date, at a nice restaurant with great booze. It won’t be the end of the world if you go,” Cristina brought up the subject as they were getting ready for rounds a few days later.

“Look, I get what you’re trying to do here, but I’m just not ready for that. I don’t want to go on a date with somebody else,” Alex shrugged his arms through his white coat. "And this time I won't have anyone to get me out of it when it inevitably goes bad."

"I'll get you out of it," Cristina offered. "Yeah, I'll have my phone with me and fake page you for an emergency if it goes horribly."

"Really?" Alex raised his eyebrow. "You actually are trying to help me? You're not trying to embarass me or anything like that?"

"Now that would just be cruel. I wouldn't kick you while you're down," she rolled her eyes. "Just go on the damn date. I promise, I think you'll enjoy it."

"Fine," Alex huffed in annoyance. "I'll go. But if I hate it,You owe me the money I spent on the date."

"Yeah, yeah," Cristina waved her hand as she walked away. Cristina rounded the corner and ran into the person she'd been looking for.

"Dr.Yang!"

"Edwards," Cristina placed her hands on her hips and looked at the intern expectantly. "Well, did you do it?"

"Yup," Stephanie nodded enthusiastically. " It took some time to convince her because she is still hung up over Karev, but I promised her that I'd save her if her mystery date went horribly."

"I had to do the same thing with Alex," Cristina chuckled. "Okay, I am going to go tell Meredith to make sure that she lets Wilson leave early. And because you spied on your friend and helped me out, you get to scrub in on my aortic valve surgery. Go prep her for surgery now”

“Thank you Dr. Yang!” Stephanie grinned. “I’ll see you in thirty minutes.”

Cristina sighed and made her way to the lounge where Meredith was eating a snack, “Mer!”

“Dammit Cristina, you made me drop my cookie on the floor,” Meredith glared at her friend.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Cristina sat across from her. “You have Wilson on your service today, right?”

“Yeah,” Meredith huffed and ran a hand over her belly.

“Okay so you remember how I talked to you about getting Alex and Wilson together?”

“Mmhmm,” Meredith hummed and continued to eat her snack. “I thought it was a good idea and helped you pick the place for the date. What about it?”

“Well, it’s happening tonight, so I need you to make sure that the hairball makes it there in time,” Cristina reached over to grab a bite out of Meredith’s food only to get her hand slapped away.

“Get your own food,” Meredith grumbled. “But yes, I can do that. Maybe I’ll even let her out early so she can get dressed up.”

“Great, I’m going to go do surgery,” Cristina stood up and made her way towards the door.

“If those two get married and we’re not in the wedding, Alex will never hear the end of it,” Meredith shouted at a snickering Cristina as she walked away.

+++

Jo didn’t want to be there. The last thing she wanted was to be on another meaningless date with some guy she didn’t care about at some restaurant she’d mentioned trying out one day to Alex. When she heard she was on Medusa’s service today, she’d hoped that Grey would pile on the scut so that she’d be forced to cancel. But to her surprise—and disdain—Grey let her leave early. So, she begrudgingly changed out of her scrubs and into the outfit that Stephanie had laid out for her and drove to the restaurant.

Everything within her was screaming to make a run for it and ditch the guy so that Steph would never bother her about finding a date again, but as someone who’d just screwed things up so badly with the one person she’d only ever really wanted to date, Jo decided it may have been best to put the horrendous experience behind her. That was becoming increasingly difficult, however, as the days she’d spent apart from Alex only led to feeling his absence that much stronger.

So despite the overwhelming desire to go home and watch scary movies in her favorite pair of sweatpants, Jo got out the car and walked over to the entrance of the restaurant. She sighed as she told the host that she was looking for a reservation under the name Edwards.

“Ah yes, the Edwards-Yang table. Right this way,” the hostess smiled at Jo. “Your date is already here. He’s really handsome and seemed nice enough. I hope it goes well.”

Jo nodded half distracted as she allowed the young woman to guide her to the table where she’d have to endure another date. Jo stopped suddenly, not noticing that the hostess had paused and was pointing to a table with a man seated with his back towards them.

“That’s him. Good luck!” The hostess chirped and turned around to leave them alone.

Taking a deep breath, Jo readied herself and walked up to the table. She moved to stand in front of the man who she was supposed to be courting that evening and gasped, “Alex?”

“Jo?”

Jo gaped at him for a few moments, “You—what are you doing here?”

“Yang set it up, she said she was setting me up on a date tonight,” Alex answered quietly, still unsure of what was going on. “She told me I needed to get over—never mind. What are you doing here?”

“Stephanie told me the same thing,” Jo stared at him curiously. “Oh my God. We’ve been set up. They set us up.”=”

Alex snorted a laugh, “You’re kidding right? This is Yang we’re talking about. She doesn’t do things like these. She doesn’t care enough.”

“Well she obviously does or we both wouldn’t be here,” Jo looked at the empty seat across from Alex in question. “Why else would Grey let me out early instead of keeping me there to monitor her post ops?”

“You can sit down you know,” Alex motioned to the chair. His lips curved up into a slight grin. “I won’t bite.”

Jo rolled her eyes and sat down quietly. The pair stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, fidgeting nervously as neither one of them knew what to say. It was never like this when they were together. Ever since they first started hanging out, there had been an immediate sense of comfortability. They had never needed to feel nervous or afraid when around each other because they just worked. That’s what was making the recent shift in their relationship so difficult. The kiss they’d shared brought up a whole slew of emotions that neither of them really knew how to handle.

Maybe that’s why when they decided to break the tense silence, both of them stumbled on their words.

“So, how was work?” “I haven’t seen you around in a bit.”

“Sorry,” Jo let out a breathy laugh and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

“No, it’s okay. You first,” Alex shook his head and motioned for Jo to continue.

“I, uh… ha,” Jo bounced her leg as she tried to shake the nerves off. “I said, how’s work?”

“Oh it’s uh, it’s good,” Alex shrugged awkwardly. “I got to operate on Hannah Gordon today. I got to remove her colostomy bag.”

“Really? That’s the little girl who was in the accident at school, right? You finally got to operate? That’s fantastic. I wish I could’ve been there to see the look on her face when you told her that she no longer needs a poop bag anymore,” Jo smiled.

“Yeah, she had the biggest grin on her face when I told her that the crap bag was gone and she could go back to school and do gymnastics again in a few months,” Alex mirrored Jo’s grin.

“You see, that’s what I love about peds. There’s a special connection and follow-through that you get with peds patients than you do with adults,” Jo sighed.

“Well, you are always welcome on my service. I know that you have to go through all the specialties, but if you feel like peds is something you might want to do one day, then I’d be more than happy to take you under my wing,” Alex smiled at her softly. “I can be your Robbins.”

“My Robbins, huh?” Jo hummed. “We’ll see. I might have to take you up on that eventually.”

Those comments seemed to have done it, because once Jo and Alex started talking, everything seemed right in the world again. They both relaxed and joked around with each other, making the dinner date that they had both been dreading, enjoyable. The hadn’t noticed how long they’d been in the restaurant talking when they realized that the staff had begun cleaning up all around them.

“Oh wow, it’s ten o’clock already?” Alex wondered out loud as he looked down at his watch.

“For real?” Jo raised an eyebrow and looked over to glance at the time. “Have we been here that long?”

“I guess we have,” Alex chuckled. “I’m surprised they haven’t kicked us out yet.”

“It might be because we haven’t paid yet,” Jo pointed at the check on the edge of the table, waiting for payment.

“Yeah, that might be why,” Alex reached over and grabbed the receipt, stopping Jo’s protest. “I’ve got it. Don’t worry about it.”

“Alex-”

“Dude, chill. It’s not that big of a deal. Besides you’re an intern and you barely make any money. Consider it a gift,” Alex pulled some cash out of his wallet and deposited it on the table and stood up. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“I had fun tonight,” Alex’s mouth curved into a crooked half-smile. “It was the first date I’ve been on in a long time where I didn’t need to fake an excuse to get out of it.”

Jo laughed lightly, “Same here.”

“So are we gonna talk about it?” Alex asked as they neared the car.

“Talk about what?” Jo shrugged innocently, sighing when she unimpressed look on Alex’s face. “We kissed.”

“We did,” Alex nodded quietly. “Why did you do it? You could’ve come up with plenty of other things to do so that I could help you get away from Peckwell, or whatever the hell his name is. Why did you kiss me?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do know,” Alex buried his hands in his pockets and leaned against her car. “But you’re too afraid to say it.”

“I kissed you because I wanted to,” Jo confessed as she looked down at the ground beneath her. “I still want to, if I’m being completely honest.” Jo looked up at him, heart hammering in her chest as she said the words she’d been wanting to say for so long, “These past few months I’ve been on horrible dates. We’ve each been on horrible dates. And every single time we needed rescuing because for some reason they didn’t work out. So, I spent time thinking back to all those dates and trying to figure out why they went badly and I think I figured it out. I could on a hundred dates with a hundred really nice guys, but I will always need rescuing. They would always go badly and I’d need saving because those guys aren’t you. But with you… I never need saving with you. Because with you, I’m already safe.”

Alex stared at her in wonder. He was quite honestly, speechless. That’s what she did to him. Jo rendered him completely and utterly speechless. He realized he’d been quiet for too long when Jo started rambling nervously about how she should’ve never said anything.

Alex placed his hands gently on her face to bring her attention to him. He looked back and forth between her eyes and her mouth. Leaning in slowly, Alex pressed his lips against hers, bringing her into a sweet kiss.

When they parted, Jo breathed in and out deeply, seemingly in shock of what had just happened. Seeing her dumbstruck expression, Alex chuckled slightly. She really had no idea how he felt about her. Deciding to take a chance, he opened his mouth and said the thing that had been threatening to spill out of his mouth for a few months now.

“Jo, I love you.”

“What?” Jo’s eyes widened at his confession.

“I love you,” Alex repeated, a large smile on his face. “I love you.”

“You love me?” Jo asked shakily. “It’s not all in my head? You’re actually saying those words to me? And you mean them?”

“Mmhmm,” Alex grinned brightly. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for a while now and I want to be with you.”

“Oh,” Jo’s mouth froze in that shape. “Woah.”

Alex leaned in for another kiss, “God I could do this forever.”

“I can think of some other things we could do if we get out of here,” Jo whispered lowly, causing Alex’s eyebrows to shoot up in surprise. “I don’t normally make a habit out of sleeping with guys on the first date, but I think I can make an exception for you.”

“As amazing as that sounds, I think I’m gonna make you wait,” Alex took a step away from Jo.

“You’re gonna make me wait? You. Alex Karev. Are going to make me wait for sex?” Jo’s face displayed her disbelief.

“I am,” a shit-eating grin made its way onto his face.

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” Alex’s smile increased tenfold.

“Are you seriously going to make me beg?” Jo narrowed her eyes. “Because I will beg. I have no shame in begging you to take me right here in the parking lot.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” Alex groaned. His eyes softened after a moment. “Look, I know I have a… reputation, but I always jumped head first into sex with everyone. You’re not just anyone. You’re Jo and for the first time in my life, I want to do things differently. So, let me take you out a couple more times before you let me in your pants.”

“Well when you put it like that, it makes you sound all sweet and sappy, and me sound like a slut because I want to jump into bed with you,” Jo laughed and let out a breath. “I’ve never had anyone who wanted me for more than my body or that wanted things to be special.”

“I know,” Alex answered simply. “Which is why I am gonna make you wait. I want you, Jo. I love you. And I’m gonna show you that you mean something to me. More than just your body, which let me say…” Alex paused and gave her a once over as he allowed his hand to wander down her spine, causing her to shiver. “Is pretty incredible.”

Jo chuckled softly and kissed him, “Well, whenever you’re ready, it’s all yours.”

“Ugh,” Alex laid his head on her shoulder. “Okay, you need to go home before I pull you into the backseat.”

Jo laughed, “Alright, I’m going.” She unlocked her car and sat down in the driver’s seat, glancing up at Alex to give him a bright smile. “Goodnight.”

Alex’s face softened, “Goodnight.”

[rogerslovesstark]

Not So Far Away

Pairing: Former Bucky x fem!reader, cheating!bucky barnes, CEO!Steve x AssitantReader, Mention of Tony Stark, Sam Wilson

Words: 1.1k

Warnings: Angst

Bucky could barely open his eyes, the light streaming in through the window was almost blinding. His head was pounding from the hangover he had. He groaned and rolled over to the left side of his bed. The sheets didn’t even smell like you anymore. The few clothes that you had left were all Bucky had that still smelled like you.

Every night he saw your face in his dreams, smiling so beautifully at him. You looked so lovely every night, every night he looked forward to sleeping, knowing he would be able to see you.

Bucky hadn’t realized what he had lost when he let you go, he didn’t understand the repercussions of his actions. He broke your heart, told you that he didn’t love you anymore and he cheated on you.

It was about six weeks after the breakup, he had gotten a stomach bug and had to call out of work. He called Dot to ask her if she could come over to nurse him back to health, she immediately said no, telling him that she wasn’t his mother or girlfriend to be taking care of him.

He immediately thought about how Y/n would always make soup and tea for him when he felt ill. It was the first time in six weeks where he had thought of her.

Bucky laid in bed, cuddled up in his sheets that faintly smelt like her and drifted off. He dreamt of you, in a small house, surrounded by kids, all of you were laughing and smiling. When he woke up to the eerie silence of his apartment, he didn’t know what to do.

Bucky went into his closet, pulling out whatever clothing item that smelt like you and inhaled your scent. Smelling your calming vanilla and floral scent, he broke down onto the floor. He missed you and disguised it by sleeping with Dot. He never brought her into the bedroom, subconsciously only reserving it for you. Whenever she came by, he kept her in the living room.

Bucky groaned and walked towards the kitchen while passing by the living room, he swore he saw you reading a book on the couch. Only you weren’t there, you never were. Not after that day.

What Bucky would do just to be able to hold you again for just a couple of seconds. He didn’t want to ask for much, all he wanted to do was to be able to kiss your sweet lips again. He ached to see you and feel you. His biggest regret was losing you. He didn’t know where you were or if you still worked for Steve. After that day, Steve stopped talking to Bucky. All communications went silent.

Bucky would go to the gym early, work all day, buy a bottle of liquor, come home and drink the whole bottle. Drinking helped with the dreams, made them feel more realistic like you were actually here, not god knows where.

Bucky would cry in the shower for hours after he realized what he had done. His heart torn into pieces, you were everything he could have possibly ever wanted. All Bucky knew now was pain, trying to remember those sweet sounds that you used to make in bed so long ago. Bucky couldn’t get off if he wasn’t thinking about you.

The moment he realized that he was still in love with you had horrible timing.

Dot had come over and said she hadn’t gotten her period in 6 weeks, and Bucky felt his throat close up, he didn’t want her to be pregnant. He didn’t want to have a family with anyone else but you. Bucky only wanted to see you swell with his child, to be there when you deliver his child. The realization that you were his true love hit him like a truck.

The Stark party was tonight, Bucky prayed that you would be there. It was a long shot but if he could even just see you for one moment, he would be okay. You probably looked so beautiful now that Bucky wasn’t weighing you down.

The party was in a few hours and Bucky still needed to shower all the alcohol off him.

++++

The party was in full swing when Bucky got there, he had worn a white button-up and dark grey dress slacks. He saw that Sam was standing by the bar talking to Steve. Steve looked the same, same blond hair styled to the side, his blue eyes were sparkling though.

Bucky walked up to the two men, patting Sam on the back and giving the two men a bro hug. Steve watched Bucky, he looked ill, a lot skinnier than the last time he saw him. His hair was longer than before, and the bags under his eyes indicated that he wasn’t really sleeping.

“How’ve you been man?” Bucky asked his old friend.

Steve nodded his head, just wanting to hold you tight and get you out of here. He didn’t know how you would react to seeing the man that broke your heart not even more than a year after the breakup.

“Good, good, I relocated to San Fransisco, working on the West Coast now,”

“Oh that's nice, have you missed New York?”

“Not really, it’s so cold over here, and Mailbu isn’t too far from my house,”

Bucky nodded, Steve was always so successful with whatever he was doing. Of course, he would buy a house on the West Coast and then also his Penthouse in the city.

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” Steve said abruptly, moving away from the bar. You were on the other side of the banquet, talking to an old friend who worked as Stark’s assistant. You looked so pretty, wearing a light blue gown that complimented your figure.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, but can I have this dance?” Steve asks you, you smiled so brightly at him. You both stepped into the crowd and started swaying to the music.

Bucky was talking to Sam when he noticed Steve walking through the crowd. Holding your hand, holding your body close to him, staring lovingly into each other's eyes. Bucky felt like throwing up, after a year of not seeing you, you were standing in front of him, clearly in love with another man.

Bucky rushed to the closest bathroom and gagged at the idea of you with Steve. His own best friend, dancing with his girl, the love of Bucky’s life. Bucky started sobbing in the stall, it felt like someone was pouring ice water on him. All he wanted to do was to hold you and tell you that he was still madly in love with you, but you weren’t his anymore.

Steve was right, he did regret letting you go.

[yikeswtfmate]

Golden // Part 2

Summary: Y/N pays Sam a visit. He has some explaining to do.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: language; uh? sexual references? maybe???

A/N: listen. LISTEN. I am so excited about this. I’m so excited about this that I might turn this whole thing into a series. Is this how IAFAG came into being as well? Yes, it is. Am I as excited about this as I was about IAFAG? MAYHAPS! Here is the second part, I hope you like it! 

(as always, thanks to @the-chocolate-bunny​ for cheering me on and shouting OHMYGOD over and over again when she’s reading whatever it is I’m sending her, you’re a clown but I love you)

previous part // masterlist

“Samuel Thomas Wilson!” Y/N shouts and her finger is so far in his pec that he has to swipe her hand away and rub at his chest. Good.

“It’s 7 in the morning.” He groans and just follows her trampling inside his kitchen. He watches with a pout as she’s turning on the coffee machine, taking out two mugs and the sugar jar – I just want to sleep some more, what did I do to deserve this on a Wednesday?

“Well, rise and shine, buttercup, because you have some explaining to do!”

Sam yawns and sits down, practically melting over the kitchen island. She pushes a coffee right next to his nose, where the smell and heat should be enough to keep his eyes open.

“Why am I even friends with you?” Sam mumbles, but Y/N just looks at him unimpressed. “What?”

“You know Steve.” She says and good god, does she look pissed.

“Ok, honey. I’m gonna have to ask you to be a little more specific. I own a bar, I know too many Steves to count and most of them aren’t even worth you coming over here at 7 in the morning.”

Y/N looks pointedly at Sam as if by magic he could read her thoughts – which wouldn’t be surprising in normal circumstances, the man is scarily accurate, especially when she’s trying to hide her flings away from him. In his defence, she did knock at his door for 10 minutes to wake him up and then nearly tackled him to the ground, even though she has a goddamned key. But then again, he might have an inkling on who exactly she’s talking about, considering he never does anything without knowing exactly what the results might be.

“Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes, beard, built like a fucking tank, unable to buy shirts his own size, owns a stupid bike?!” Y/N is aware that her voice is turning into a brassy squeal by the end of her sentence, but at least now Sam is starting to look more alive. He’s raising one of his eyebrows, which could only mean there’s some sense of recognition at her words.

“Don’t tell me the idiot finally talked to you.” He’s chuckling in his coffee mug, as if this would explain what just happened an hour ago.

“Sam.” She presses, staring pointedly at him. “More words, less sphinx-like riddles, please.”

He rolls his eyes, but puts his mug down with a sigh. He knew this would happen, hoped this would happen if that idiot Golden Retriever would just get his shit together already but he didn’t expect Steve to be a little asshole. Bucky, sure, but Steve? Yeah, ok, fine, Steve can be an asshole too.

“Remember when you asked me to help you move a while back?”

“And you convinced me to go for a run at 5 in the fucking morning with you in exchange for that? And you stood me up because apparently you slept through your alarms? That somehow involved Clint for some goddamn reason, but if I think about it now, I have no idea how that happened considering you don’t live with Clint.” She’s literally voicing her thought process, which in turn makes Sam proud – she’ll put two and two together soon enough. “Unless you both slept at the bar that night and somehow…wait. No. Sam, you dick, you planned this?!” There it is.

Sam leans over the table and pats Y/N on the head – one, two, three and she’s batting his hand away. She’s fuming, but it’s great seeing her get so worked up. Ah yes, Sam thinks, there’s nothing funnier than meddling in Y/N’s life. To be fair, it’s not like she’s regretted any of his plotting – she’d actually let him take all her decisions for her if there wouldn’t be something called rEsPoNsiBiLitY and other disgusting adult stuff. But couldn’t he have meddled with this Steve earlier? Couldn’t he have told her there’s a hunk of man that she’d like to climb like a tree the day they met?

“Explain yourself before I either self-combust in rage or tell Clint you’re allowing him to eat all the peanuts in the bar.”

“He knows better than to obey orders that don’t come directly from me, sweets, but at least you tried.” Sam chuckles, which earns him another whine. “Fine! Goddamn, woman, sometimes I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve this. I was with Steve when you called me and your weird face came up on my phone. He kept hinting at wanting to meet you but I played dumb and wouldn’t give him anything.”

“I – what?!” Y/N screeches yet again, and Sam swears he might just buy some noise blocking headphones.

“It was his birthday present.” He shrugs.

“What was?”

“Making you two meet, you dumb clown.”

Y/N looks at Sam, a mystified frown on her face. He can practically see “Processing” right on her forehead. It’s the most fun he’s had in months and if he ever had any doubts about his mischievous plans, he now knows with certainty that it was all worth it. He takes a sip of his coffee, patiently waiting for her to talk, because she’s a talker, after all, she’ll either let out a final screech that will wake up the whole building or he’ll suffer through an endless tirade of ingenious expletives.

“Wait, hold up.” She finally says, one hand raised, as if he’d ruin her reaction by talking. Come on, Y/N, baby, you know me better than this, and she does. “Let me get this straight. You knew Steve was already interested, you knew that we kept meeting in the park every morning and knew I was also interested, yet you’ve kept quiet until now?”

“That’s exactly right, babygirl.” Sam grins.

She smacks him then – lunging over the kitchen island, right over his head, making him nearly dunk his face in his coffee. Sam tries his best to show that he’s furious at her reaction, but it’s an unfortunately common occurrence, so that wouldn’t stick.

“Why would you hurt me in this way, Samuel?” Y/N wails, throwing herself on the table – dramatics, this is why only Steve could handle you. “Have I not been a good friend to you? Have I not kept your secret that you wore braces when you were a kid? Have I not brought you coffee whenever you asked for it in college? Have I not introduced you to Bucky?”

“First of all, I did it because Steve had to be taught a lesson. And second of all, it was payback because you did tell someone I’ve worn braces in middle school. And that was Bucky!”

Y/N scoffs and crosses her arms. They’re stuck in a match of pouts and throwing around blame – a game they’ve played since childhood, but Y/N is bad at it, as always, and she’s the first to relent, as always.

“What lesson?” She mumbles.

“What?”

“What lesson did you have to teach Golden Boy?” Y/N repeats herself, enunciating each word.

“To learn to ask for what he wants.” Sam grins.

“And what’s that?”

“You.” Sam rolls his eyes, already tired of this conversation, why can’t his friends just sort this out together anyway? “He wants you, Y/N, but he was too much of a coward to ask.”

That’s the moment Sam’s phone starts pinging with what sounds like an entire waterfall of messages. He groans, standing up from his chair, because really what the fuck is up with people today and waking him up at 7 in the morning on a goddamn Wednesday?

At least Y/N stays put in her own seat, watching him like a hawk as he retrieves his phone from his bedroom. It’s lighting up like crazy and as he reads the messages, he can’t help but start laughing like a certified villain.

“Your boy is having a meltdown.” He finally supplies an explanation to Y/N’s confusion.

Before she can even open her mouth in a futile attempt to deny having “a boy” or even ask who he might be talking about, because let’s be honest, it’s not like she’s been wondering what it’d be like to tap that ass in the few minutes it took Sam to come back, he thrusts his phone right in her face.

Oh god, Sam, I talked to her today

Holy shit she’s even prettier from up close

Fuck, I think she caught me staring at her butt

What if she thinks I’m a creep?

AND I ASKED HER OUT??!?!?!?!

HOW COULD I EVER THINK SHE’D SAY YES????

BUT SHE SAID YES????

WHY DID SHE SAY YES??????????

SAM WHAT THE FUCK SHE SAID YES AND I HAVE A DATE WITH THE HOTTEST GIRL I’VE EVER MET AND NOW I HAVE TO CALL HER AND I’M EXCITED BUT HOLY SHIT WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO HER????????

I’VE ACTED LIKE SUCH A DOUCHE!!!!!!!!!!!

I TOLD HER I’LL PICK HER UP ON MY BIKE AND SHE SOUNDED SO CONFUSED WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T LIKE BIKERS???????????

SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I’m in love

By the end of the last message, a huge grin is splitting Y/N’s face. Sam knows this reaction too well for comfort and oh shit, what have I started, but it’s too late now and she’s already typing.

“Really, Y/N? On my phone? I might just have to throw it in a river now.” Sam sighs as he reads over her shoulder.

She lifts a shoulder in a shrug, but the grin doesn’t leave her face. Waking up at 5 in the morning might not be so horrible in the end if she gets to send messages like this to a Golden Boy who is having the most adorable meltdown over her.

I might be impartial to bikes, but I’m definitely not impartial to you or your butt, Stevie

***

Everything Marvel Taglist:

@bonkywobble​

[ijustwant2write]

Solo Mission-Steve Rogers x Reader

(GIF credit to @ifoundkylo​)

Masterlist

Tags: @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight​ @nekoannie-chan​

Summary: Steve is being sent on an extremely risky mission, and no one knows why it has to be just him. However, the team has settled on it, knowing that he has been chosen for a reason. But (Y/N) can’t see things the same way as them, trying to convince them to not let him go.

Characters: Steve Rogers x Reader, Wanda Maximoff x Reader (platonic), Vision x Reader (platonic), Tony Stark x Reader (platonic), Natasha Romanoff x Reader (platonic), Same Wilson x Reader (platonic), Bruce Banner x Reader (platonic), Clint Barton x Reader (platonic)  

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name   (Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings: Swearing, crying, arguing, mentions of death and injury, overall fluff

                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My hands started to tremble as I read through the mission file, seeing the details about the enemy Steve was to face. I shouldn’t have been looking in the first case, it was almost illegal for my eyes to even glance over it, but what with it sitting there on our bed, I couldn’t help myself. The file flopped down onto my lap as I stared straight ahead of me. Why was Steve chosen for this? And why was he going alone? Why couldn’t they have a backup team of S.H.I.E.L.D agents, just in case? Surely the mission would go smoother and quicker with more people.

The door to the bathroom opened, Steve emerging with a towel wrapped around his waist, a few droplets running from his hair down his neck. He froze when he saw what was in my hands, sighing as he approached me. “You know you’re not supposed to be reading those things.” He tried to take it from me, but I stood up in time to escape.

“When were you going to tell me?” I asked.

“(Y/N), I was going to tell you. I had to make sure I was clear with my orders-”

“These orders are basically suicide!”

“You’re worrying over nothing.” he tried walking towards me again.

“Not this time.” 

I let him throw the papers onto the bed, holding my hand instead. Of course I worried about every mission, but those details, the danger he was going to be in made my stomach twist.

“Steve,” my voice was begging to shake,“I have that feeling in my gut, that same feeling I had with New York, and Ultron, and-”

“Hey,” he breathed out, pulling me into his bare chest,“you’re thinking like that because I’m on my own.”

“Exactly! Why are you on your own?”

“Because that’s what they think is best.”

“Oh fuck that.” I snapped, pulling away to wipe away the tears.

“(Y/N).” He warned.

“No, seriously, fuck that! S.H.I.E.L.D always think they’ve got everything right, but they don’t. Including sending you away, by yourself, on what seems like an awfully dangerous mission.”

“There will be a reason. I’m the only one who can do this, and I have to.”

Rubbing my eyes again, I looked up at him, taking in his beautiful features. He had that sad smile on his face, where he felt guilty about something but wanted you to be happy. Slowly sliding my arms around his waist again, I hugged him as tight as possible, feeling his arms engulf my body. This just wasn’t fair.

The next day, I drove to the Avengers HQ, knowing that it would take more than myself to convince Steve not to go. I stopped speaking to him about it the night before, knowing it would lead to a huge argument. Though if I backed my feelings up with other people’s opinions, it might make him see that I wasn’t thinking with just my heart. Steve was already here training, they had new recruits after all, making it the perfect time to persuade anyone to join my team. The first person I saw was Wanda, someone easy to start with.

“(Y/N), I did not know you were coming here today.” She said surprised, her eyes on me as I sat down on the couch next to her.

“Yeah, it is a little unexpected. I need to ask a favour.” I started.

“Go on.”

“OK, so, Steve has been tasked with this solo mission, the only issue is, it’s basically sending him to his grave.”

Wanda shook her head slightly.“What are you talking about?”

“Look, I just need a few of us to convince him it’s a terrible idea, and not to go.”

“(Y/N), if he has been assigned a mission, he has to go.”

I held up a finger.“But not if it’s going to kill him!”

She pushed my hand back down.“I mean, when you join something like S.H.I.E.L.D, you’re basically giving your life for the service.”

“Wanda, I thought you would be on my side.”

“I used to think the same way, but after seeing how we help people, you put others before yourself.”

“Which is the exact problem!”

“Excuse me-” Vision suddenly appeared through the wall, making me jump almost a foot back.

“Vision, you really need to use the doors unless you want to give someone a heart attack.” I dramatically breathed out.

“My apologies. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I’m afraid Wanda has a point.”

“Not you too.”

“Captain Rogers is one of America’s best fighters, the country he serves is even in his title.”

“Guys, seriously, you don’t see the bad side of this?”

“Of course we do,” Wanda reassured me,“but this is his job. It’s what Steve knows.”

I huffed, making it clear that I was angry with them as I stormed out of the room. This was going to be much harder than I thought. The easiest target had already denied me. Taking a moment to stop, I leaned my back against a wall, thinking who to go to. It was a long shot, but perhaps Tony would see how I was thinking, he was never a fan of S.H.I.E.L.D, even when working with them; he always wanted things to be simple and for no more fighting to happen, I could get something out of this. 

Tony was hunched over the coffee machine in the kitchen, peeking over his shoulder when he heard my footsteps. Without saying anything, he lazily waved his hand before looking back at his coffee cup. I stood beside him, mumbling a ‘hello’.

“What’s with the moping?” He asked, straightening up.

“I’m upset.”

“About what? Also, does Steve know about this? I feel like Cap should know if something is wrong with his girlfriend before I do.”

“I mean, sort of-”

He held up a hand.“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”

I frantically shook my head.“Oh, God no. Not that it would be a huge problem...well, actually-”

“I’ve already listened to your dream house talk before, remember?”

“I’m going to get straight to the point here, Steve is going on a mission and it’s going to get him killed.”

Tony didn’t seem phased as he poured coffee into his cup.

“Tony, are you listening?”

“Well isn’t that every mission?”

“No, there has never been a mission like this before! He’s going completely solo.”

“(Y/N), I hate to say it, but I think you’re growing more worrisome with age.”

“What? Why is no one taking this seriously? I felt those horrible butterflies in my stomach when reading those files, you know what that means.”

“OK, so you had that gut feeling when we fought aliens, right? And we came back from that alive, didn’t we?”

I stuttered.“Y-yes, I suppose so. But...but it wasn’t...it wasn’t guaranteed.”

“You have never felt that bad on any other mission.”

“No, but-”

“You’re paranoid because capsicile is on his own. He’s a big boy, he’s fought by himself before.”

Hastily turning around, I clenched my fists around the edge of my sleeves, biting the inside of my cheek to focus on something other than crying. It was so frustrating. No one could feel what I could feel. 

I heard Tony sigh behind me.“(Y/N)-”

“I want to speak to everyone.”

“What?”

I started to walk away.“Get everybody but Steve in conference room one, I need to understand why Steve’s so-called-family is letting him do this.”

Pacing up and down the length of the room, my gaze was fixed on the outside world. My mind buzzed with thoughts on what to say, how to get them to see how inconsiderate they were all being. I still hadn’t spoken to Clint, Natasha, Bruce or Sam, and I was nervous to hear what they had to say. Though deep down, I knew what I was going to be facing. Those who had no idea what was going on hesitantly walked in, with Bruce and Clint standing down and Sam standing with his arms crossed.

“What’s going on?” Natasha whispered to me.

“Wait until everyone is here.” I replied.

She kept her eyes on me for a few more seconds, a confused look in her eye before she joined the others at the table. Tony waltzed in, no coffee this time, and a minute later Wanda and Vision came along. The three who knew what this was about stood, a somewhat bored expression on their face. It was an assumption, but it made me angry, meaning I didn’t start the meeting off well.

“I want to know why you’re all so calm about sending Steve into a trap that will be the end of him.” I blurted out, standing at the head of the table. 

Those who had no idea what was going on were wide eyed, glancing at each other. 

Natasha was brave enough to speak.“What do you mean?”

“She is scared that Captain Rogers is set on a potentially lethal mission. Miss (Y/L/N) believes he may die.” Vision calmly explained.

“You called us in here for this?” Sam scoffed.

“Oh, you guys didn’t get personal interviews?” Tony mocked.

“I don’t understand why no one else is worried about this! I wouldn’t be making such a big deal out of this if I thought he was going to come back with a few scratches.” I exclaimed.

“What exactly do you know?” Bruce tried to understand.

“I read the mission brief, he’s in there all alone. I know you have all been on missions like these in at least groups of three. So why does Steve have to go by himself? Don’t you guys want to help me show Steve that it’s too dangerous for him? Don’t you care?”

“They wouldn’t pick him for fun.” Tony butted in, walking towards me.“Have you spoken about this with him? Properly, I mean.”

“You know he’s not going to refuse.”

“Then that’s the decision.” Sam pointed out.

“But you know what Steve is like, he does it because he feels that he has to, he doesn’t want to let anyone down.”

“He doesn’t have a choice (Y/N).”

I instinctively raised my voice.“There’s always a choice!”

“I think that’s enough (Y/N).” a gentler voice came from the doorway.

Steve had been listening, for how long, I didn’t know. He walked in, surprisingly wrapping an arm around my waist.“I’m sorry guys. Can you give us a moment?”

They slowly filed out of the room, some faster than others, They were annoyed at me, I had wasted time out of their day, whether they had been working or not. Avoiding eye contact, I knew I would have to apologise, especially with how my tone came across. Once the door was shut, Steve looked down at me, though I found it hard to look him straight in the eye.

“Hey, look at me.” He softly said.

Reluctantly, I did as he said as he faced me properly, both hands resting around the small of my back, my hands naturally holding onto his biceps.

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But you know things aren’t that simple.”

“I know but…” my voice was shaky, and instead of holding everything in, I let the tears flow freely.“I just thought that they would see things the same as I did, and maybe we could fix this somehow.”

“Please don’t get upset. I know what you were trying to do.”

“Steve, do you really think you’ll be alright on this mission?”

“I will.”

“And how are you so sure of that?”

“Because I have you to come back to. You’re the only thing I think about on those missions. I know that I can’t let myself get hurt like I used to, I could never forgive myself if I left you behind.”

I smiled slightly.“You should be concentrating on the mission, not me.”

“How could I not think about you?”

Pulling him closer, I closed my eyes, still crying but feeling a sense of warmth run through me as his hand was placed on the back of my head, smoothing out my hair. 

“If I could refuse, I would have done so the moment they handed me those papers.”

“I know.” my words were muffled against his clothing.“I’ve been over dramatic, haven’t I?”

Steve’s chest shook as he chuckled.“Just a little.” “You’re not mad though, are you? Not like the others?”

“No, I would never be mad over something like this. It just reminds me how much you love me...not that I need reminding.”

“I love you Steve.”

“What did I just say?”

“I’m going to have to come up with something good to make everyone like me again.”

“A simple apology will do.”

“Steve?”

“Hm?”

“Can we go home?”

“Sure. Let me grab my things.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“No, you don’t.”

[hh-rose]

Get Myself Back

ao3

playlist

Call him crazy, but Bucky assumed that when he came back from being turned to dust, he and Steve were finally going to get their happy ending. It would’ve been poetic. It was sappy, and Bucky was hardly a sap, but he thought he could allow being a sap this one time. 

Their story was already poetic and sappy and beautiful. Best friends who were always in love, but never together, torn apart by war and death. Best friend comes back from the dead but is horribly brainwashed and evil. Brainwashed assassin gets unbrainwashed just in time to get turned into dust. Then, of course, he comes back from being turned to dust. 

If Bucky was being completely honest, it seemed like a complete waste to not get a happy ending after that. He knew they had to take advantage of it because God only knew if they were going to get another chance. So, when everything died down, and Steve told Bucky that they needed to talk, Bucky expected it to be the happy ending talk. 

Call him crazy, but Bucky wasn’t expecting the conversation that he received. 

...

Bucky walked into the guest room he and Steve were sharing at Tony’s cabin just like he was asked to. He honest to God expected Steve to be on his goddamn knee when he walked in, no matter how cheesy that was. Instead, he saw a very distraught Steve pacing back and forth. 

“Steve?” Bucky asked. “What’s going on? What did you want to talk about?”

“I’m going to put the stones back where they belong,” Steve explained. Weird way to start this conversation, Bucky thought to himself.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he questioned. Steve stopped pacing and looked at Bucky. 

“No, no, you have to stay here,” Steve stated. Bucky’s eyebrows shot up toward his hairline. 

“And why’s that? Since when do we go on missions alone?”

“I’m staying in the past,” Steve said, looking straight into Bucky’s eyes. Bucky’s eyebrows fell back down into a straight furrow. “I’m staying in the forties with Peggy.”

“Peggy?” Bucky tested the name on his tongue. “I’m sorry. What?”

“She’s the love of my life, Buck.”

“She’s the what?”

“I thought you would be happy for me,” Steve said sadly.

“Happy? Happy? Why the hell would I be happy about this?” Bucky questioned angrily. “You’re throwing everything away to be with someone who you knew for a week? She’s not the love of your fucking life. You don’t even know her!”

“Bucky,” Steve chastised, shaking his head. “I love her. I would give up the world for her.”

“Yeah, well, last I checked, the only person you gave up the world for was me,” Bucky stated, biting his tongue afterward. He felt tears beginning to come up. “Why are you leaving me? I don’t understand. Am I not enough?”

“You’re perfect, Bucky,” Steve said, pushing some of Bucky’s hair behind his ear. Bucky backed away from him. “It’s just that I think it’s time that I take a nice retirement.”

“You can’t retire with me? You can’t have a happy life with me?”

“Buck.”

“When are you going?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“So we have tonight?” Bucky asked. Steve nodded. “I can’t convince you to stay. I know that. I deserve more than one night. I deserve to be happy and in love for the rest of my life, but I’ll settle for tonight. I assume that that’s something you want to, otherwise you wouldn’t have told me.”

“You deserve more,” Steve stated. Bucky entered into his space.

“Yeah, I do,” Bucky responded, lips not an inch away from Steve’s. He held Steve’s t-shirt in his hands. “But I deserve a proper goodbye as well.”

...

Steve left and came back in a matter of seconds. He lived a whole goddamn life, but it was only a few seconds for Bucky. Bucky was seething with rage the entire time. He knew that it must’ve seemed odd that he wasn’t going crazy with worry, and he knew it was completely out of character for him to send Sam to Steve first.

“Did you know?” Sam quietly asked Bucky when he was done talking to Steve. Bucky just nodded silently. “You should go talk to him.”

“I really, really don’t want to,” Bucky replied. Sam made a disappointed face, but Bucky didn’t have the energy for that either. “Fine.”

“Buck,” Steve said happily when Bucky sat down on the bench next to him. “I missed you.” Bucky only hummed in response. “You didn’t miss me?”

“You were only gone a few seconds,” Bucky said flatly. 

“Are you mad at me?”

“No,” Bucky answered. He let out a breathy laugh. “I don’t really care. I’m numb right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not, and that’s okay. It’s your life, and clearly, I don’t have a place in that anymore.”

“You’re always going to have a place in my life.”

“Really?” Bucky questioned sarcastically. “Is that so? Then, I’m sure this will be an easy question to answer. When you were back in the past, did you try to save me? Your best friend, your previous lover, who was being tortured, did you try to save him?”

“I…” Steve began. “I couldn’t. You know that. I couldn’t mess up time like that.”

“So you were fine with completely uprooting Peggy’s life, but you couldn’t be bothered to go get me? That’s fine, Steve. If you didn’t care enough to help me, that’s okay, but fucking own up to it,” Bucky told him. 

“I do love you. I…I did,” Steve assured him. Bucky nodded. 

“I know. Just not as much as you loved her, and not nearly enough as I loved you.”

...

It was only a few days later that Steve died. It’s not like they weren’t expecting it; he was exceptionally old. Another funeral wasn’t exactly what the group needed at the time, but they put one on nonetheless. 

It was a nice service. Not that Bucky would know as he was completely shitfaced the entire time. He stayed quiet for the most part. That was until the dinner afterward. Everyone was eating and telling their favorite stories about Steve. Bucky took a sip of his drink, smiled, and put it down on the table.

“You have a story to share, Bucky?” Scott asked. 

“Yes, I do,” Bucky slurred. “I came out to Steve when we were fifteen years old. It just kind of happened. I wouldn’t have planned to do it. It was the fucking thirties. Anyway, before he had the courage to come out to me, he said, ‘I still love you, Buck. I’m never gonna leave you. I’m with you till the end of the line.’”

“That’s sweet,” Wanda offered, but Bucky didn’t pay her any mind. 

“Til the end of the fucking line. That was his little phrase. He said to me all the time. Every time I was sad or in danger, ‘til the end of the line,’” Bucky said with a bitter laugh. “He didn’t say it to me again before he died. The one time I needed to hear it. He just fucking left me. First, for her, and then he just fucking died. ‘Til the end of the line my ass.”

“Bucky,” Sam cut in, eyes wide and upset. He watched Bucky down the rest of his drink. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Why don’t we head home?”

“What fucking home?” Bucky asked, causing everyone to look at him. “I lived alone in a shack in Wakanda. Of course, we could always go back to Steve’s apartment that I lived in for quite some time as well.”

“My place. We can go to my place,” Sam told him. 

“I’m not a fucking baby, pigeon,” Bucky spat. “I don’t need you to take care of me.”

“I know that,” Sam said softly. “Let’s just go, okay?”

“Fine, but I’m drinking there,” Bucky agreed. Sam groaned and helped Bucky up, out of the hall, and into the car. He was complaining the whole time, but eventually, he passed out in the passenger seat. 

“Bucky,” Sam said, shaking him when they arrived at Sam’s apartment complex. He realized that that wasn’t going to work, so he decided to just get out of the car and help. He managed to get Bucky to his feet and start walking up to his apartment. 

“He left me,” Bucky murmured so low that Sam wasn’t sure he heard him right. Sam pressed the button to the elevator and stepped inside, Bucky still heavily leaning on him. “He left me, Sam.”

“I know,” Sam whispered back. He had never seen Bucky this vulnerable, and he felt like he was intruding for a number of reasons. 

“I loved him so much,” Bucky whispered back as the elevator doors opened. Neither one of them said anything as they walked to Sam’s apartment. Once they got inside, Sam led Bucky to his bedroom. 

“Alright, let’s lay you down here,” Sam said, sitting Bucky down on the bed, but Bucky resisted. 

“No,” he groaned. “Couch. This is your bed.”

“It’s okay, Bucky. You can take the bed tonight,” Sam assured him. Bucky nodded and laid down. “Do you need anything else?”

“‘M good,” Bucky replied. Sam turned to leave the room, but he heard Bucky whisper, “I loved him so much, Sam, but I wasn’t good enough.”

Sam nodded sadly before shutting off the light and closing the door. He wasn’t entirely sure what he had gotten himself into, but he did know that it was Captain America’s job to take care of Bucky Barnes. 

...

Sam was up early the next morning. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. “Up early” implies that he went to sleep at all, and “sleep” was an over-exaggeration for his restless night on his living room couch. Either way, he was exhausted sitting at his kitchen counter anxiously waiting for Bucky to wake up. He knew that they needed to talk, but he also knew that Bucky was not big on talking. 

“Wilson?” Sam heard Bucky’s groggy voice from the hallway. He then appeared in the kitchen. “What the hell happened?”

“You drank three times your body weight,” Sam explained, getting up to pour Bucky a cup of coffee. Bucky sat down across from Sam at the counter and accepted the drink. 

“I’m not even able to get drunk,” Bucky murmured. 

“Well, you could’ve fooled me,” Sam replied with a smirk. Bucky glared at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” Bucky stated flatly. Sam nodded. Then he yawned. “Tired?”

“Extremely. The couch isn’t exactly the best place to sleep,” Sam responded, taking a sip of his coffee. “And that is precisely why we’re moving.”

“What?” Bucky asked, eyes wide. Sam chuckled lightly. 

“We’re gonna get a two-bedroom,” Sam told him. “I’m not taking no for an answer. Not that you would have any reason to say no. I’m just giving you a roof over your head. It’s a kindness really.”

“Oh, shut up,” Bucky said, but he was smiling. “You really want to live with me?”

“No,” Sam replied plainly, but then his face cracked into a grin. Bucky smiled back, and that was just the beginning. 

...

It didn’t take Sam and Bucky long to find an apartment they liked. They moved into their new place less than a week after they decided to move in together. Living together was definitely the right call. This way Sam could keep an eye on Bucky at all times. 

Bucky wasn’t doing well. Not that that was a surprise because he hadn’t been doing well since the forties. He wasn’t okay before, and Steve leaving shattered whatever was left of him. Sam knew that if he left Bucky to his own devices, it would’ve been a disaster. 

It had been months since Steve when Sam had had enough. At first, he really wanted Bucky to cope however was necessary, but after a while, Sam knew that it needed to stop. He came to this startling realization in the middle of the night when he heard crying and things crashing coming from the bathroom. 

“Bucky?” Sam asked, terrified as he walked closer to the bathroom. He pushed the door open and saw Bucky standing in front of the mirror. There were tears streaming down his face, and he was holding Sam’s electric razor.

“He loved my hair,” Bucky said angrily. He was looking at Sam through the mirror. “He loved it when we were kids, and he loved it before he left. His hands were always in it, and that is the only thing I can think of when I look in the mirror.”

“Okay,” Sam replied, nodding. “Do you want me to help?”

“Would you mind?” Bucky asked, looking into Sam’s eyes through the glass. Sam smiled softly. Bucky already knew the answer to the question. Sam stepped forward and took the clippers from Bucky’s hand. 

“How short are we talking?” Sam questioned, inspecting Bucky’s hair. 

“Buzzcut,” Bucky replied. Sam’s heart broke a little bit but he did as he was told. 

Sam was being incredibly careful as he touched and cut Bucky’s hair. He knew that this was something that Bucky was vulnerable about, and he didn’t want to trigger him in any way. It was incredibly hard to do that, though, when Bucky would roll his neck like that. 

“All done,” Sam said, voice barely above a whisper. Whatever the hell just happened was the most intimate thing they ever did, and it was greatly affecting Sam. He finally looked at Bucky’s full head in the mirror, and that affected him even more. “You like it? Did I do a good job?”

“I love it,” Bucky answered, moving closer to the mirror. He rubbed his head and smiled to himself. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Sam said with a smile. He left the bathroom and went to his room. He threw himself onto the bed with a huff. “Fuck.”

...

Obviously, after that whole mess, Sam knew that he needed to do something. He needed to help Bucky. He also knew that there was something new to how he felt about Bucky, but now was not the time to worry about that. His only concern was helping the man who was currently sitting on the couch after a mission that exhausted both of them.

“Man, I am wiped,” Bucky said, putting his feet up on the coffee table. “Maybe I’ll actually sleep through the night tonight.”

Sam hummed, but he hated what that statement suggested. He hated that Bucky wasn’t sleeping. He hated all of it. He knew that it was now or never.

“Did Steve ever tell you about Riley? My Riley?” Sam asked. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him, and Sam took that as a no. “He was my best friend. Somewhere along the line, we fell in love, and he became my entire world. I loved him with my entire being.

“He died when we were in the Air Force together. It absolutely destroyed me. It was the worst and darkest time in my life,” Sam explained. “I didn’t think I would ever get out of that place. He was my person, and he wasn’t there to help me anymore. Being with him, talking to him, it would make me feel better immediately, and I didn’t have that anymore. So, I wrote him a letter, and it helped. I got closure. I miss him every single day, but it doesn’t hurt like it used to.”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Bucky said softly. Sam smiled at him. “Did the letter really help?”

“It did,” Sam told him. “I can’t promise you that it’ll help you the same way it helped me, but I do think that maybe you should try. Just give it a try, okay?”

“Anything for you, Sammy my boy,” Bucky replied, grinning. Sam rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Barnes. I’m going to shower,” Sam said, pushing Bucky’s shoulder before getting off the couch. He heard Bucky clear his throat, and he turned around. 

“Thank you,” Bucky said genuinely. He looked Sam in the eyes, and that feeling of intimacy from the night before hit them both again. 

“Anything for you, Bucky my boy.”

...

It was a few hours later, and Bucky was sitting on his bed with a notebook on his lap. He ripped out yet another page, crumpled it up, and groaned. He took a deep breath and started again.

Dear Steve,

I’ve tried to start this about ten times, but I keep starting over. I’m not gonna start over this time though. I have a lot of feelings about all of this, and as we both know, I’m not great with feelings. I need to get it all out though.

 I don’t want to be mad at you. I have never been mad at you, but there have been so many times when you deserved for me to be mad at you. I loved you too much, though. I loved you too much to see that what you were doing warranted me being mad. I loved you too much, and you were too selfish. 

 You were always selfish from day one. You were sick, and you said you were fine because you wanted to play football with the rest of us. You got pneumonia after that, Steve. You could’ve died.  

 You got into fights with people who could have easily killed you because you wanted to. You didn’t care that your ma cried herself to sleep at night because she was so worried about you. You didn’t care that I was terrified to find you dead in some alley.  

 Then, you kept trying to get into the war even though you knew that you would die. You were going to die, Stevie. There was no other way. I was selfish at that point. I was so happy that they wouldn’t let you fight. I didn’t want you to die. Do you see the difference, Steve? I was selfish because I wanted you to live. I was selfish for you. 

 Then, you showed up all not you. You changed yourself because you wanted something so badly. You didn’t change yourself because you wanted to save the world. You just wanted the glory. You were selfish. 

 Then, a century later, you broke laws because you were selfish. Don’t tell me that you did that for me. I would have believed you if you told me that a few years ago, but not now. I know better now. 

 I wish you did it for me. I hoped for years that one day, one day you would be selfish for me. For us. I thought that you felt the same way. I thought that you were finally ready to settle down with me after everything that happened. You had one last piece of selfishness in you, and I thought you were going to use it for us. 

 But, of course, you used it for her. How could I be so stupid? How could I expect you to ever put anyone before yourself? Did you know that she had a family? She had kids, kids who don’t exist anymore thanks to you. You messed up the entire universe because you wanted to fuck some dame you met a hundred years ago.  

 So, yeah, now I’m mad, and I have every right to be mad. I love you. I loved you. I’ll probably always love you, but I really don’t want to be in this pain anymore. I don’t want to be in agony anymore. I want to let this all go. 

 I don’t forgive you. I’m not ready for that yet, and I’m not sure when that is going to be. I do know that I love you, and I hate hating you. I hate how I feel. I know that you loved me. Even though that wasn’t enough to keep you here, it is enough to get me through the day.

 I’m going to have a good life. I am. I’ll keep our memories (the good ones) with me until the end, but I think that it might be time to put that behind me. I’ll put you in a little box in my mind where you’ll be happy, and I’ll get to be happy too. 

 I hope that you had a nice life without me. I’m sure that sounds very bitter, but it’s only a little bitter. That’s what you do for the people you love, Steve. You hope that they’re happy, even if it’s not with you. 

 Wow, I really thought I was done, but I just can’t seem to end this. I guess I just miss talking to you. I miss you every second of the day, and I’m always going to miss you. It’s okay though. It’s all going to be okay. I’m going to move on, and everything is going to be fine. I’m going to be fine, Steve. I’m going to be fine without you. 

 You were the one who decided that this was the end of the line, and now I’m deciding that I’m not with you anymore. 

 Sincerely, 

Bucky 

Bucky closed the notebook and slept through the night for the first time in months. 

...

Sam didn’t want to say that Bucky was magically healed, but he was certainly better than he was before. He was smiling and laughing, and it was making Sam’s heart fucking soar. Bucky was sitting next to him on the couch laughing at the movie they were watching, and Sam couldn’t stop staring at him.

“What are you looking at, Wilson?” Bucky asked, not looking away from the tv. Sam’s face heated up so much that he thought he was on fire. 

“Just admiring my handiwork,” Sam explained, turning his attention to Bucky’s hair, which was growing in nicely. 

“Oh, yeah?” Bucky asked, turning his head to face Sam at last. “You think it looks good?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied softly, internally freaking out. “It looks real good, Bucky.”

“Yeah?” Bucky questioned, voice just above a whisper. He made eye contact with Sam, and something just changed in the air. “It’s really soft now that it’s short.”

“Can I...Can I, uh…?” Sam tried to ask, but it didn’t come out. Bucky just smiled at him and nodded. Sam bit his lip and slid his hand into Bucky’s hair. “You’re right. It’s very soft.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said, biting his lip to stop himself from smiling.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Sam told him. Bucky raised an eyebrow at him. “I like it when you smile.”

“Haven’t had much of a reason to smile recently, but, um, you helped me with that,” Bucky explained. Sam’s fingers tightened in his hair, and his eyes fluttered closed. 

“Glad I could help,” Sam whispered, face only a few inches away from Bucky’s where they were sitting turned into each other on the couch.

“It would help even more if you kissed me,” Bucky stated. Sam’s eyes went wide before his pupils enlarged. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

“Positive. Kiss me.” 

Sam took a deep breath before leaning forward and connecting his lips with Bucky’s. They were both hesitant at first, but when Bucky made an attempt to deepen the kiss, Sam immediately allowed for it to happen. He pushed Bucky down so he was lying on the couch was Sam leaning over him. 

“You’re still sure?” Sam asked, hovering for a moment. 

“If you don’t get your pretty face down here and kiss me, I’m going to break your wings.”

“Aw, you think my face is pretty,” Sam said, ducking down to give Bucky a chaste kiss on the cheek. He smirked before moving down to kiss Bucky’s neck. 

“Oh my God,” Bucky groaned. He could feel his pants getting tighter, and he was embarrassed for a second until he bucked up and realized they were in the same boat. 

Sam pushed Bucky’s hips down with his own and ground slightly, not wanting to move too fast. Bucky pulled Sam’s face up to his lips again, and Sam happily obliged. His hands began to wander down Bucky’s torso until they found the waistband of his boxers.

“Don’t ask me if I’m sure again,” Bucky said between pants. “I’m fucking positive. Do whatever you want as long as you’re okay with it.”

“You got it, Sergeant,” Sam responded, and the moan he received made him almost die. “Like that?”

“Yes,” Bucky whispered. Sam smiled to himself before placing a light kiss on Bucky’s lips. His lips then began to trail to where his hands currently were. 

“You’re in for the night of your life, Sergeant Barnes.”

...

Needless to say, that was not the only time that happened. It became a pretty regular thing between the two of them. They hadn’t really talked about it, which Sam, ever the therapist, wasn’t happy with, but he wasn’t exactly ready to stop doing it. 

“Buck,” Sam said in between moans as Bucky kissed greedily at Sam’s neck. “Maybe we should talk.”

“I think I’d much rather keep doing what I’m doing, thanks,” Bucky replied into the skin he was sucking at. Sam rolled his eyes, from both pleasure and annoyance. 

“Bucky,” Sam breathed out. Bucky pulled away and looked Sam in the eye.

“Look, Sam, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want, but I’m pretty sure you’re enjoying yourself,” Bucky informed, smirking as he ran his hand up Sam’s thigh. “Sure, we could talk, or I could do the tongue thing.”

“The tongue thing?” Sam asked, knowing exactly what Bucky was referring to. Bucky smirked and nodded. Sam bit his lip. “That’s not fair, Barnes. You know I can’t say no to that.”

“I know full well, darlin’,” Bucky replied, kissing behind Sam’s ear. 

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Sam stated. Bucky nodded in a “yeah, sure, whatever you say” way. “Now, get down there.”

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

...

Sam planned to stick to his word, even if Bucky didn’t have that same plan. So, the next night when Bucky sat down next to Sam on the couch, fully prepared to repeat the events of the night before, Sam stopped him.

“So, we’re actually gonna talk?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” Sam responded. Bucky groaned and not in the way that normally made Sam’s stomach flip. “This is really fun, and I really care about you. But, um, I want more.”

“More?” Bucky asked. 

“More,” Sam confirmed. “I want a real relationship.”

“Oh, so you want to stop this so that you can get into a real relationship.”

“What? No, of course, not. I want a real relationship with you,” Sam explained. Bucky’s eyes went wide, and he jumped off the couch and started pacing. Sam remained sitting. “If that’s something you’re interested in, obviously. And, if it’s about not being ready, I can wait until you’re ready. I just want to know if there’s any chance at us having a future.”

“There’s not,” Bucky said plainly, not looking at Sam. Now, it was Sam’s turn to stand up. 

“What?”

“Come on, Sam. We both know what this is,” Bucky told him, turning around to look at Sam. “We started this as a way to make me feel better after Steve, and you know it.”

“That’s not why I started it,” Sam replied softly and sincerely. Bucky let out a bitter laugh. 

“Well, it’s why I started it,” Bucky informed him. “That’s all you are, Sam. You’re just a replacement for Captain America, for the whole world, but especially for me. And you know that deep down all I am is a replacement for Riley.”

Bucky regretted it the moment it left his mouth. He had no idea what had taken over him in that moment. He didn’t believe any of those things. He cared so much about Sam, and the look on Sam’s face shattered Bucky’s heart into a million pieces. 

“I’m gonna go,” Bucky said. Sam nodded, but then his eyes went wide. 

“Wait, no, where are you gonna go?” Sam asked, worried. 

“Just for a walk,” Bucky responded. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” Sam said, and with that, Bucky was gone. Sam flopped down onto the couch that Bucky picked out for their apartment. “Fuck.”

...

Two hours later, Sam was positive that Bucky was never coming back. He told himself that Bucky must’ve cut his losses and moved on. Sam fucked everything up, and he knew it. He felt it too. He felt like absolute shit as he sat in Bucky’s bed wearing the hoodie that Bucky always told him was his favorite of Sam’s. He was about to start crying when he heard a knock on the door. He got up from the bed, unaware of who could possibly be at the door.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted when Sam opened the door. “I forgot my key. Sorry.”

“No worries,” Sam responded, walking away from the door to let Bucky in. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and started walking towards his room. 

“It took me a long time to teach myself that I deserved love,” Bucky blurted out. Sam slowly turned around. “After a while, I really believed that I did. Steve, he, uh made me believe that I did. I wanted to die when I woke up. I deserved to die, but he told me that I was worth the world, and I believed him. I believed him, and then he fucking left me. He took that belief with him. If the only other person who believed I deserved to be loved left me, then I knew that I didn’t deserve anything. He fought for me, and then he gave up on me. I gave up on myself too.

“Then, um, I realized that he never fought for me. It was never for me,” Bucky explained. “I came to terms with that part of it. I still wasn’t sure about the whole ‘deserving love’ thing quite yet, but then there was you. You helped me when I was in my darkest place, and it wasn’t for you. You helped me because you wanted me to be better. Steve never did that. He saved me so that he could have me. You helped me because you wanted me to get myself back.

“I know that I deserve love, and so do you. You are the kindest to ever exist. You deserve to be Captain America, probably more than Steve did. You’re not a replacement for anything, and I know that I’m not either. I know that, and I’m so sorry that I let you believe anything else. If you still want, we can have a future together because as far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a universe where you aren’t in my life for the long run, Sam Wilson,” Bucky stated, finishing his little speech. He was looking into Sam’s eyes but Sam was just standing there not saying anything. Then, Sam broke eye contact by looking at the floor. 

“After Riley died, I never thought I was going to love anyone ever again,” Sam stated. “And that was okay because I thought that he was the love of my life. I know now that sometimes you’re lucky enough to have more than one great love in your life. I only know that because of you. I didn’t know it was possible until I met you.

“You’re not a replacement for Riley, and you never will be. I’m always going to love Riley, and you’re always going to Steve. That doesn’t mean that we can’t love each other,” Sam explained. He smiled. “I do, by the way. I do love you, so much.”

“Oh, God, I love you so fucking much, Sam,” Bucky said, face splitting into a grin. “I need you to know that you’re not less than Steve in any way.”

“I know,” Sam said softly. He took a few steps forward so he was closer to Bucky. He played with the hem of Bucky’s shirt. “You love me?”

“I love you,” Bucky whispered back. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“When did you turn into such a sap, Barnes?”

“The moment I laid eyes on you, sweetheart,” Bucky joked, but he gave Sam a sweet kiss on the cheek all the same. “What do you say, Sammy? Wanna consummate this new relationship?”

“I don’t think that’s how that works at all, but yes, I do,” Sam replied, chuckling lightly before leaning forward to kiss Bucky.

...

Several hours later,  Bucky was nuzzled under Sam’s arm in Sam’s bed. Well, he supposed that it was probably going to be their bed from now on. With that thought in his mind, he drifted into a deep sleep.

Bucky was back in his Brooklyn apartment in the forties. He smiled to himself as he looked around. Then, he saw a shadow in his old room. 

“Hello?” Bucky asked, moving toward his room.

“Hey, Buck,” a voice said. All of the sudden, Steve, young Steve, was standing in front of Bucky. “I missed ya, jerk.”

“You’re dead,” Bucky said incredulously. “You died.”

“This is very clearly a dream,” Steve informed him. “It’s me, and I’m talking to you, but you’re asleep.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, please don’t.”

“I am sorry though,” Steve stated. “Extremely. The way I treated you was horrible, and I feel awful. I don’t regret what we had, I don’t regret our time together, but I also don’t regret my time with Peggy.”

“Okay.”

“I really did love you,” Steve said. “And I miss you more than words can say.”

“I miss you too, Steve, and I love you. I’ll always love you, but I really do think that it’s time to put you in the past,” Bucky stated, a tear falling from his eye. “It’s time for me to get my happy ending or middle or whatever. It’s time for me to live my life without you.”

“With Sam,” Steve said, a grin taking over his face. Bucky blushed. “I’m happy for you, both of you.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said, voice just above a whisper. 

“I hope you have a very happy life, Buck.”

“I think I will,” Bucky replied, looking down at the floor trying to hide his smile. “I’ll see you on the other side, pal.”

“Hopefully a long, long time from now.”

...

Bucky woke up with a smile on his face, but that smile went away when he realized that Sam wasn’t with him in bed anymore. He rubbed his eyes and groaned before getting out of the bed. When he walked out into the hallway, he smelled food cooking. The smile returned. 

Sam was standing in front of the stove diligently cooking eggs just how he knew Bucky liked them. He was wearing sweats and no shirt, and Bucky’s heart skipped. He quietly walked up to him, wrapped his arms around his waist, and planted a kiss on the back of his neck. 

“Sleep good?” Sam asked, turning his face so that Bucky could kiss him. 

“Very,” Bucky responded against Sam’s lips. Sam smiled and Bucky kissed him again. 

“What’s got you so romantic this morning?” Sam asked, turning back to his eggs.

“Just love you is all,” Bucky explained, tightening his arms around Sam’s waist and hooking his chin over Sam’s shoulder. 

“I like hearing you say that,” Sam whispered.

“I like saying it,” Bucky whispered back. “I’m sure I’d like to hear you say it even more though, sweetheart.”

“I love you, old man,” Sam said with a smile. Bucky rolled his eyes. He pulled away with a groan.

“Nah, you hate me,” Bucky joked, sitting down at the counter. Sam rolled his eyes and put the eggs on a plate for Bucky.

“If I hated you, would I go out of my way to make your disgusting ass over easy eggs?” Sam asked, putting the place in front of Bucky.

“Maybe,” Bucky pouted. Sam raised his eyebrows at him. “Fine, maybe you love me.”

“Mhm,” Sam responded. 

“Hey,” Bucky said, grabbing Sam’s hand before he went back to the stove to make his own breakfast. “I want to have happy mornings like this for the rest of our lives.”

“I can make that happen,” Sam said, planting a kiss on top of Bucky’s head. 

Call him crazy, but Bucky thought that he finally met his soulmate. In fact, he knew it, and he knew he was going to have the happiest life with Sam. 

[fandomrewrites]

Season 1, Episode 7: Night School Part 2

Hey everyone! I’m excited to share with everyone part 2 of night school. I hope you all have been enjoying the story so far and remember to leave me comments and share! As always constructive criticism is appreciated. 

Season 1, Episode 7: Night School Part 2

Pairings: Scott McCall x Twin Sister, Lydia Martin x Best Friend, Nate Wilson (OC) x Reader

Warnings: Mention of death

Word Count: 2,516

Season 1 Masterlist

Scott, Stiles, and I move away from the others to talk quietly. “Throwing Derek under the bus? Nicely done.” I say sarcastically.

“I didn’t know what to say. I had to say something. And if he’s dead, it doesn’t matter. Except if he’s not...” His voice trails off as he thinks about Allison, “OH God. I totally bit her head off.”

I roll my eyes as Stiles addresses Scott, “And she’ll get over it. We have bigger things to deal with. Like getting out of here alive.”

“But we are alive. And it could have already killed us. It’s like it’s cornering us.” Scott replies.

“So what? This is a game for it? We’re mice and he’s the cat? Lovely.” I state as I run a hand through my hair.

Scot sighs, “Derek says it wants revenge.”

“Against who?”

“I don’t know. Allison’s family?”

Stiles comes to a realization as he speaks, “Maybe that’s what the text was about. I mean, someone had to send it.”

Jackson calls out to us before we get the chance to speak up about the theory, “Okay, assholes.” Lydia and Nate glare at him when he calls me the name. “New plan. Stiles calls his useless dad and tells him to send someone with a gun and decent aim. Are we good with that?”

No one speaks to disagree as Scott looks towards Stiles and quietly tells him, “He’s right. Tell him the truth if you have to. Just call him.”

Stiles looks visibly upset, “I’m not watching my dad get eaten alive.”

I lay my hand on his arm to give him some sort of comfort, totally oblivious to the death glare Nate is giving Stiles. As I open my mouth to speak, Jackson charges past the others, “That’s it. Give me your phone.”

He spins Stiles around, effectively knocking my hand off of his arm. Jackson reaches for Stiles phone in his pocket but before he can grab it Stiles reels back and punches Jackson, sending him sprawling to the floor.

Allison rushes to help him, “Are you okay? Jackson?”

At the same time, I smile and turn towards Stiles, “Nice punch.”

Stiles reaches into his pocket as Lydia and Allison help Jackson up. He pulls out his phone and calls his dad, “Dad? Hey, it’s me... and it’s your voicemail. Um... I need you to call me back. Like right now.”

Stiles is cut off by something slamming against the door making Lydia scream. He quickly starts speaking again, “We’re at the school, dad. We’re at the school.”

He quickly hangs up as another bang is heard at the doors. A stack of chairs tumbles down as the barricade starts falling apart.

We slowly start backing away, “The kitchen. The door out of the kitchen leads to the stairwell.” Stiles speaks up.

“Which only leads up.” Scott points out.

“Yeah well, up is better than here,” I reply.

Another loud boom comes from the door as the Alpha tries to make his way inside. We all bolt to the kitchen, making our escape.

*_*_*_*_*_*

As the seven of us run from the cafeteria we sprint down the empty halls and end up inside of Mr. Harris’ Chemistry classroom. Once the door is closed we all press to the wall trying to catch our breath.

Scott is the closest to the door, he slowly leans away from the wall. The creature slowly walks by the room stopping for a fraction f a second, steam from its breath covers the window. Then it walks away, the sound of its heavy footprints moving down the corridor.

We all collectively let out a breath, but no one moves. Scott whispers, breaking the silence, “Jackson, how many people can fit in your car?”

“Five if somebody squeezes onto someone’s lap.”

“Five? Nate and I barely fit in the back.” Allison exclaims, “One more person definitely wouldn’t. And that would mean two people are left behind.”

“It doesn’t matter. There’s no getting out without drawing attention.” Stiles stops the argument.

There is a steel door just past the teacher’s desk that Scott is eyeing, “What about this? It leads to the roof. We could go down the fire escape to the parking lot in seconds.”

Stiles points to the door and states the obvious, “But that’s a deadbolt.”

“The janitor has a key.”

“You mean his body has a key,” I say wearily from my position between Nate and Lydia.

“I can get it,” Scott says confidently. Then he whispers something to Stiles making sure the rest of us can’t hear. “I’m getting the key.”

“Are you serious?” Allison and I speak in unison.

“It’s the best plan. Someone has to get the key if we want to get out of here.”

“You can’t go out there unarmed,” Allison replies.

Scott looks around then grabs the pointer from the chalkboard, gripping it like a baseball bat. It bends when it moves fast. We all look at him like he’s grown a second head. “It’s better than nothing,” He tries to defend.

“There’s got to be something else,” Stiles speaks.

“There is,” I follow Lydia’s eyes, she’s looking at the chemical cabinet. “In there is everything you need to make a self-igniting Molotov Cocktail.” We all give her questioning looks.

“What? I read it somewhere.”

Jackson quickly shoves his elbow through the glass. Moments later chemicals are spread out on the teacher’s desk as Lydia pours one bottle in a mixture in a glass beaker.

“Jackson, hand me the sulfuric acid.”

He turns each bottle, looking for the right one, then hands one to Lydia as she pours the correct amount into the mixture.

As Lydia is making the firebomb Allison and Scott are talking about what he’s about to do. I understand Allison’s panic, Scott is my brother and he’s about to go out on his own to face a killer. The one thing I know that she doesn’t is that Scott is a werewolf.

Though that makes me feel slightly better, I also know that it’s not just some random psychotic murderer in the school with us. It’s a psychotic Alpha werewolf murderer.

Lydia hands the completed firebomb to my twin as he turns to move the chair from under the door handle. Allison is begging my brother to stay. All Scott does is look to the group, “Lock the door behind me.”

*_*_*_*_*_*

The six of us left in the Chemistry class sit lined up against the wall, watching the door. Allison is speaking, “I don’t get this. I don’t get why he’s out there, why he left and... I can’t... I can’t stop shaking. My hands,” Jackson interrupts, trying to comfort her.

“It’s going to be okay.”

Allison looks at me, “How could you just let your brother go out there like that?”

My eyes slightly widen at her accusing tone, “He would have gone no matter what I said. Plus I trust my brother. He’s be fine.”

“You’re not even worried about him? How are you okay?”

I clench my teeth, “I am worried about him. I’m just better at hiding it than you.”

Lydia looks at me, shocked by how harsh my words cam across; I have always been the nicer one out of the two of us so whenever I get an attitude she knows I’m really pissed off. But I didn’t care anymore. It’s been a horrible night and I just want to go to bed.

Nate gently tugged on my hand and when I turned to look at him he nodded towards the corner of the room, indicating that he wanted to talk. We both stood up and walked away from the group.

“I know you’re worried, but Scott won’t let anything happen to you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“Nate-”

“I know you’re upset with me. And you have every right to be. But I am so sorry that I accused you of cheating. I know you would never do that, my jealousy just took over. I know that isn’t an excuse but I truly am sorry.”

My heart feels like it’s about to be ripped from my chest as I debate if I should forgive him or not. Part of me feels he doesn’t deserve my forgiveness yet but a bigger part of me doesn’t want to risk throwing our relationship away. What we have is something good, and I do live him, with my whole heart.

Finally I sigh, “I’m not going to lie, I’m still upset. But I forgive you. I hate the fact that you jumped to conclusions but I understand being insecure and jealous.”

“I love you (Y/N). I promise I won’t ever be that stupid again.”

I attempted a smile, “I love you too. And I’m going to hold you to that promise.”

The minute I finished speaking a loud noise was heard coming from somewhere in the school. All of our heads turned to look out the door, except for Jackson who fell to his knees in pain.

Allison and Lydia, who were closest to Jackson, help him up. “I’m fine. Seriously, I’m okay.” He brushes the two girls off.

“That didn’t sound okay at all,” Allison says glancing worriedly between him and the door.

Something catches Stiles’ eye, “What’s that on the back of your neck?”

Jackson pulls away so we can’t see his neck, “I said I’m fine,” He snaps.

Lydia approaches Jackson, “It’s been there for days and he won’t tell me what happened.”

She gets cut off by Jackson, “As if you actually care.”

I instantly glare at him and hiss, “Back off.”

At the same time Stiles steps between the couple, “Can we not argue for half a second here?”

“Where’s Scott? He should be back by now.” Allison questions.

We all turn to the door. We can just make out a dark silhouette on the other side. Then we hear something snap.

Allison and I rush to the door, “Scott?” I question.

“Scott? What are you doing?” Allison asks right after me.

The person in the hall starts moving away from the door.

“Where’s he going?” Lydia asks us.

Allison then starts panicking once again. She’s calling out for my brother and pounding on the door. Until Lydia stops her, “Stop, stop! Do you her that? Listen.”

We all pause to listen, we could just me out the sound of sirens coming to our rescue. It was the best sound I heard all night. The six of us quickly rushed to the windows to see the police rush into the parking lot.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Once we are out of the school, Sheriff Stilinski pulls Scott, Stiles and I to the side to talk. “You’re sure it was Derek Hale?” The sheriff questions.

Scott nods, then the sheriff turns to Stiles and me for confirmation. “I saw him too,” Stiles replies.

Still uncomfortable with throwing Derek under the bus, I take a breath and answer, “I got separated from Scott and Stiles at one point. I didn’t see anything.” I gulp and look at my feet.

Scott speaks up, bringing the attention away from me, “What about the janitor?”

“We’re still looking for him.”

“You looked under the bleachers? Under them?”

“There was nothing there, Scott. We pulled out the bleachers just like you asked.”

“I’m not making this up.”

“And I believe you. I do.” Sheriff Stilinski gently tells Scott.

“No, you don’t. You have that look. Like you feel bad for me. Like you want to believe me. But I know you don’t.”

I grabbed Scott’s hand trying my best to comfort him without words.

“I hear you. And we’re going to look over the whole school, I promise.”

A deputy calls out to the Sheriff, “We need you here.”

“Stay. All three of you.”

When he walked away Scott turned to me, “Why didn’t you say you say Derek too?”

“I’m just not comfortable saying he murdered a bunch of people. I mean if he’s alive he’s going to be a wanted killer. And if he’s dead, he’s going to be remembered as a killer.” Scott nods understanding my reasoning.

Stiles smiled trying to think of something more positive, “Just think of this instead, we survived. We outlasted the Alpha. That’s good, right? Being alive?”

Scott shakes his head, sitting down on the school steps, Stiles and I following after him. I was in between the two boys and rested my head on Scott’s shoulder, exhausted from the night’s events.

“We were in the Chemistry room and it walked right by us. You don’t think it heard us? You don’t think it knew exactly where we were?” Scott asks us.

“Then why are we alive?” I whisper.

“Because it wants me in its pack. But I think first I have to get rid of my old pack.”

I lift my head off of his shoulder and raise my eyebrow as Stiles asks, “What old pack?”

“The two of you. Allison. Jackson, Lydia, and Nate.”

As I start to understand I shove my head into my hands, “The Alpha doesn’t want to kill us.”

“He wants me to do it.”

Stiles and I remain silent at the thought. Scott continues, “That’s not the worst part.”

Once again I turn to raise my eyebrow at Scott and Stiles asks the same question that’s on my mind, “How in the holy hell is that not the worst part?”

“Because when he made me shift... I wanted to do it. I wanted to kill all of you.”

We sit in silence for a minute as Scott glances past the officers, spotting someone. Looking up and following his eyesight I see Dr. Deaton, Scott’s boss, getting checked out by an EMT.

Scott gets up to talk to him. Stiles and I follow behind but stay far enough away to give them some privacy.

As Sheriff Stilinski moves Scott away from Deaton he spots Allison and makes his way to her. Stiles and I say in our spot waiting for him to come back.

When he reaches us he looks miserable, “She broke up with me.”

“Oh, Scotty...” I rub his arm gently but can’t think of anything else to do to offer him comfort.

Not too long later Sheriff Stilinski gives Scott and I a ride home. As soon as the door opens my mom pulls us into a hug. “We’re alright mom.” I tiredly smile as we pull away.

Scott attempts a smile, says I love you then heads up to his room.

“Is he okay?” my mom’s eyes follow him up the stairs.

“Allison just broke up with him. And it was already a long night before that.”

My mom sighs but nods, “Head up to bed. I love you.” She kisses me on the forehead then gently pushes me to the stairs. I say I love you over my shoulder and head to my room.

I don’t even bother changing as I throw myself onto my bed and drift off to sleep.

[angry-slytherin]

Heaven Help Me(Ch 13)

Jo wakes up to the sound of incessant buzzing coming from her nightstand. She squints, recognizing the black phone case as Alex’s. She picks the cell up, dropping it onto his stomach.

Alex groans, “Wha-?” Jo rolls over, pushing frizzy hair out of her face.

“Someone is trying desperately to contact you,” Jo’s eyes widen and she jerks up onto her elbow, “oh my god, were you on-call?” Alex finally opens his eyes, clicking the phone on.

The bright screen flashes onto his face, and he uses a thumb to scroll down the unopened text messages.

“No, I wasn’t on-call. It was nothing, just stuff from my phone company. I should probably pay the bill, shouldn’t I?” Alex cracks, clearing the messages and throwing the phone down on the rug; it bounces onto the wood floor.

Jo remains skeptic about the messages, considering so many wouldn’t be sent by a phone bill, but decides not to over analyze. That’s what you do when you’re serious right?

“I don’t need that stupid thing, I have the best sort of view and entertainment right here,” Alex kisses her lips chastely.

“I hope that’s not all I am to you. Considering we’re serious and all,” Jo raises a brow. Alex brings an arm under hers and trails it down her back.

“Well we’ve covered that you’re fun and beautiful, but have I mentioned that you’re brilliant and very sexy also?” Alex pulls Jo closer to him, and she feels his body heat.

“Ah, now you have,” she grins, kissing him.

“I hate work. Can’t we just stay in bed all day?” Alex groans in between kissing her.

“You don’t hate work,” Jo breaks the string of kisses, “and although I wish we could, we both need income so that you can be fed with the amount you eat. So get up, grumpus.”

Alex groans, but sits up, facing Jo.

“What?” She asks, hopping out of the bed.

“What if we move in together. You can come live at my place, or I can come live here with you. What do you think?”

Jo bites her lip, and looks both shell-shocked and terrified, stopping in her tracks.

“We don’t have to- it was just a suggestion. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just- this is real, Jo. I want to live with you and I don’t care if it’s early, because I’m very grown and so are you.

We know what we want- I know I do- and I’m not going to wait like I’m some scared young guy. I love you, and maybe this won’t work out, but you asked me about my future. And right now, I see you.”

Jo’s mouth opens slightly, and she goes to speak, but she swallows instead.

“I-uh. I haven’t lived with anyone, since uh, since my husband died. And living with him- it was horrible. I know you’re not like him- but this is bigger for me than it is for you.

You were married to a woman who loved you and you shared a house- a real house that I assume had a big kitchen and a backyard. I lived with fear. I was married to fear.

I- I slept in my car-“ Jo’s voice breaks, “when I was sixteen- I mean, you knew that. I was homeless...I...this is not something I take lightly. Can I- can I have time? To think? I’ll tell you tonight, even!” Alex studies her for a moment, then kisses her forehead.

“Take the day. But I love you Jo. I think this is right,” he says deeply, before turning and exiting her bedroom. Jo takes a seat on the bed, and grasps her T-shirt at her chest.

She lets out a breath of what she believes to be anxiety, fear and maybe a small portion of relief.

Jo finds herself wandering into the kitchen in order to avoid Alex. She mindlessly makes coffee in a machine she got as a house warming gift from Amelia and Link.

She doesn’t like coffee that much. Alex likes coffee. Jo thinks it wires her nerves in an uncomfortable way. So she grabs a mug from the nearly barren cabinet, and pours the dark liquid into it.

Alex saunters into the main area of the apartment, and Jo shoves the mug into his hands hurriedly.

“I made coffee. I have to shower,” she steps pst him into the bathroom. He looks back at her for a moment, stunned by her bizarre short incriments; had it been that he had asked her to move in?

Meanwhile, Jo steps into the cold water, numbly feeling dead feelings that make her skin crawl and mindlessly lathering her hair in shampoo.

Then she remembers to relax, because Alex is safe, he is a safe person. He makes her feel understood, loved and protected. So she tables the debate in her own mind for later.

***

“Lap pad please,” Jo asks a nurse, then pressing it into the patient’s oozing organs.

“Suction, Davis, suction!” Meredith yells at the resident. Jo places a clamp on the bleeder.

“That needs to to stitched up, but I need you to fix the tear first, or it’ll make it worse,” Jo tells Meredith, and the older doctor nods.

“Sure. So Wilson, I heard Alex asked you to move in today? You should tell him if he’s going too fast. Sometimes he dives in head first and doesn’t realize he’s dragging someone else kicking and screaming.”

Jo looks up at Meredith with raised eyebrows, “Uh, I...well I was actually thinking of saying yes, since you’re so interested in me and Alex’s relationship,” Jo says pointedly, “not that it’s any of your business.”

Meredith sighs, “Right, sorry, Wilson. I don’t mean to overbearing and protective but-“

“I get it. I understand that you have a close friendship and that he’s been hurt. I get that. But I don’t know you, at least not well. So I’d appreciate a lack of interference in my relationship, please.

With respect, Doctor Grey, you are a brilliant surgeon. That doesn’t make you privy to me and Alex’s affairs,” Jo huffs.

“Like I said, Jo, I won’t do it anymore.”

“Right, are you finished with the repair?”

***

After surgery, Jo checks on the cells in her lab before meeting Link on a bench outside the hospital for lunch.

“So, how are you feeling? Two days until your wedding. Are you excited, are you stressed?” Jo slaps his leg excitedly. Link picks up his sandwich and takes a bite.

“Great. My mother is going insane, though,” he says through a mouthful of turkey and cheese. Jo scrunches her face in disgust.

“Ugh, please don’t eat and talk. Don’t you have to teach your three-year-old that?”

“Yeah but I’m an adult, which means I get to do what I want,” Link continues to talk with food in his mouth.

“No! It doesn’t mean you get to choke and die two days before your wedding. That would be an awful kind of cold feet. I feel badly for Amelia, she’s gotta deal with you for the rest of her life.”

“She’ll be okay, I think she kind of loves me,” Link takes a drink of water and then grins.

“You’re gonna be around too, right? Are you going to stay in Seattle? Please say yes. You’re my best friend, I need someone who’ll let me rant shamelessly.”

Jo laughs, “Yeah, I think I’m going to stick around. My whole life is here. You and Amelia and Scout...and Alex. Please let me say that shamelessly. Those are all my people. That’s who I love.”

Link studies her for a moment, “Can I have some of your fries?” Jo half smiles, and hands him the container.

“Go for it. Now, more on the wedding. How crazy is crazy for your mom? I’ve met her twice and she seemed only slightly erratic, if not a loving, overprotective mother whose son had cancer.”

Link sighs, “You have grossly misunderstood my mother’s insanity for caring. I love her, but she and my dad remarried after a 30 year divorce. I come from crazy.”

“No,” Jo says softly, “you don’t. You came from love, Link. So what if your mom shows it a little weirdly; it doesn’t change the fact that she cares about you, and your dad somehow after thirty years. Don’t take that fore-granted.”

“Okay,” Link squeezes her knee, “you okay? You look peckish,” Link winks, pushing the fries toward her. Jo rolls her eyes and takes one to munch on.

She swallows, “Yeah. God, no.” Jo hangs her head. “No, not really. Alex, he asked me to move in with him. And it scares me how badly I want it. It’s been going through my head all day. Meredith Grey harassed me about in the OR like an hour ago.”

“So do it. Like you said, don’t take love foregranted.”

***

Jo hears a knock at the door to her apartment. She shuts off the TV, getting up from the couch. She knows who it is before she opens the door.

“You still have that key.”

Alex looks down. “Yeah, uh, I figured you’d want me to knock.”

Jo bites her lip, “I think you should keep it.” Alex grins at her.

“Is this you asking me to move in?”

“Yeah, it is. My bed is big enough for two, and you eat all my food anyways. So bring your clothes, and your toothbrush. But leave your stupid toaster oven or I’ll kill you.”

“Hey, it works better than your 1950’s press and pop.”

“Shut up,” Jo grins, then pulls Alex into her- their- apartment by his shirt, kissing him.

[iamtrebleclefstories]

help, ‘cause I need saving - part one

six times Jo and Alex saved each other from horrible dates and the one time they didn’t 

a two-shot fic taking place in a Season 9 alternate universe

One

“Yeah, you know I just really think it’s weird for a woman to be a surgeon. I don’t know, it just doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like your skills would be of better use in…”

Jo drowned out the voice of the man sitting across from her, willing herself to not give an outburst as a result of her date’s misogynistic comments. She should’ve known that he would be a sexist asshole the moment she heard his name. No self-respecting guy goes by Trent. But no, William Trenton III, insisted on being called Trent because Billy was his grandpa and Will was his father. 

She wanted to bang her head against the table and throw a tortilla chip in Trent’s eyeball. Her patience was quickly fading and Jo was struggling to think of a good enough reason to bail on this guy that Stephanie had set her up with. From the corner of her eye, she watched as Alex Karev walked into the bar. Despite what she’d originally told him about she’d never sleep with him, Jo couldn’t deny that she was extremely attracted to him. It honestly wouldn’t take much from his part to get into her pants. Especially since she’d started spending more time on his service, learning from him and growing as a surgeon. They weren’t exactly friends, but ever since she had shared her tragic backstory with him, there was a sort of kinship between the two doctors. 

Hoping he would catch on to the hints she was dropping, Jo looked over at her superior with a desperate expression on her face. Locking eyes with her, Alex tilted his head in question at the intern. Jo motioned to her date with her head and mouthed the words “help me” as discreetly as she could. Alex raised an eyebrow and his lips twisted up into a smirk as he realized the situation. 

Schooling his expression, Alex walked over to the table with a serious look on his face, “Wilson!”

“Dr. Karev,” Jo feigned surprise. “Is something wrong?”

“Hate to break up your date, but we’re being paged for a trauma. Let’s go,” Alex pointed towards the door. “Now.”

Jo scurried up from the table, grabbed her purse, and mumbled an insincere apology to Trent as she exited the booth and followed Alex out the door. Once they were outside, Jo let out a sigh of relief, “Oh God, thank you so much. I thought my brain was going to melt if I kept talking to him for one more second.”

“That bad huh?” Alex chuckled. “You looked pretty miserable there.”

“It was horrible,” Jo leaned against the outside brick wall. “He kept talking about how the OR was no place for a woman and that my skills would be of better use in the kitchen when I told him that I’m a surgeon. He was a sexist asshole that I hope never has any children because his daughters will grow up oppressed and his sons will grow up to be oppressors.”

Alex nodded, an amused expression on his face, “So, it was worse than bad. Got it.” He leaned against the wall next to her. “Well, I’m glad you got out of that horrible date, but now you owe me a drink.”

“What?” Jo raised her eyebrows. 

“I was going on there to get a drink to wind down after a long day but instead I had to fake a page to get you out of there. I can’t exactly pop back in. So, now you owe me a drink to make up for the one I gave up to help you,” Alex stated, hands in his pockets.

“That’s fair,” Jo conceded. “Well, I know this place near my apartment that does buy two, get one half off beers. It’s not as nice as Joe’s but it’ll do the trick for one night.”

“Lead the way Wilson.”

+++

Two

He wasn't quite sure how he got here. But after friending an old high school classmate on Facebook, Alex found himself on probably one of the worst dates he'd ever been on with Britney Bowers from his high school English class. He was glad that he told her to meet him at Joe's so that he could fake a patient emergency and never call Britney back again.

“I think it’s just so important to eat healthy and live a clean lifestyle. People are so focused on all the illnesses there are nowadays but they refuse to see all the wonderful things that nature has to offer us. I guarantee you that none of that modern medicine stuff is necessary if people just ate the right foods. You see it all comes down to your gut. That’s the root of all the diseases. If we eat healthy then we don’t get sick and there’s no need for medication or vaccines or the healthcare field,” Britney’s ignorance seeped through as she voiced her opinion in conversation. “It’s such a scam, all of it. It’s just Big Pharma that wants your money and everyone is in on it. Why do you think doctors make such good money? I bet half the time they treat you, there’s nothing wrong with you or there’s something that can be remedied naturally that they’re refusing to acknowledge because it takes away from drug companies that stuff money in their pockets.”

“You do know I’m a surgeon, right?” Alex stared at her incredulously. 

Britney laughed awkwardly, "Oh, I'm not talking about you. I'm sure you aren't trying to scam people for their money. I'm just… you must know a lot of people who do."

"Nope, I don't," Alex shook his head. "Most of the people I work with are just trying to save your life, not take your money. We aren't the ones in charge of billing." 

"Huh," Britney stared at him dumbly. 

Much to his luck, Jo had been sitting at the bar witnessing the travesty and found it in herself to be merciful. She walked up to the table with her best innocent expression and spoke, "Dr. Karev, I'm so sorry, you told me not to bother you tonight, but I was monitoring Lily Phillips vitals and I noticed that her SATs started dropping again. I know her parents were hoping not to have to operate again, but I think you should come in and see if there's something more serious going on."

Alex’s eyebrows shot up when he saw who had come to his rescue. Realizing that this was his out, Alex stood up, “Crap. Yeah, lets go.” He turned to face Britney. “Listen, it was great catching up, but I’ve got to go.” 

“Oh, no worries, I get that you’re busy,” Britney flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. “You can always call me and we can continue this another day.” 

“Sure,” Alex smiled awkwardly, trying not to glare when he heard Jo’s quiet snort. “Goodbye.” 

As soon as they were outside, Jo burst into laughter, “Wow, that was hard to watch. ‘There’s no need for medicines or vaccines or the healthcare field.’ Please, if it weren’t for modern medicine, natural selection would have weeded her out a long time ago.”

Alex laughed along with Jo, “You’re not wrong.” 

“How did you even meet her?” Jo asked as they walked over to their cars. 

“We went to high school together,” Alex huffed in annoyance. “She found me on Facebook and sent me a message. I answered like an idiot. She said that she moved here a couple months ago and was surprised to see that I was living here too. She asked if we could meet up and since I didn’t want to be a complete jerk, I said yes. I also kind of had a thing for her back in the day, so I guess I wanted to see what she was like after all these years. Not making that mistake again.” 

“Yikes,” Jo grimaced. “Well, on the bright side, now you know that you wouldn’t have worked anyway, being that she believes we’re in cahoots with Big Pharma.” 

“You’re right,” Alex chuckled. He looked over at Jo gratefully. Ever since Bailey’s wedding when they fake cried their way into a stranger’s hotel room two weeks ago, they became fast friends. Honestly, Jo was probably one of the people he trusted most in the world. Not to mention she was really hot, which was clouding Alex’s head with all kinds of confusing things, especially when his friends were hell-bent on insisting that he and Jo were more than friends. All he knew was that he enjoyed her company and found himself wanting to spend more time with her. “What do you say we go get some pizza and beers and eat them at my place?”

“Sounds great to me.” 

+++

Three

“So… I’m going on a date tonight.”

Alex raised his eyebrows as he looked over to Jo who’d come up next to him by the fourth floor nurses station, “Okay… and?”

“And, I need you to be on-call in case I need to get out of there,” Jo rested her chin in her hands. 

“You want me to sit by my phone all night waiting for you to call me just in case your date goes bad?” Alex made a face. “If you’re so worried, why are you going out with this guy anyway?”

“Because my drunk ass may have agreed to go on a date with him after you left me alone at Joe’s last night,” Jo narrowed her eyes. “This is why you can’t leave me alone while I’m drunk. I can’t be trusted. I make stupid decisions while drunk.”

“It wasn’t like I wanted to leave. I got paged,” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Ah, yes. I’m sure you tell all the girls that,” Jo grinned sarcastically. 

“Shut up,” Alex sighed and placed the chart down on the counter. “Where’s your date and what time is it at?”

“It’s at the movie theater ten minutes away from here,” Jo answered. “I haven’t been on a movie date since I was sixteen. That’s how I know that it’s going to be interesting…”

“Fine. I’ll be at Joe’s with my ringer on and a bottle of beer, trying to think of a creative way to bail you out,” Alex crossed his arms. “But if an hour goes by and you still haven’t called me, I’m going to assume it’s not horrible and I’ll worry about myself. Maybe I’ll pick up some chick and get laid.”

“You’re the best! I’ll text you later,” Jo smiled brightly as walked away to finish her shift. 

Sure enough, later that evening, Alex snorted when his phone lit up with a message from Jo. 

J: Save me please 

A: Dude, you haven’t even been there for 20 minutes

J: I know but I need to get out of here ASAP. He’s creepy and I feel uncomfortable.

   His name is Brock. BROCK! 

A: Don’t panic 

    I’m coming.

    What do you want me to do? Interrupt the theater?

J: Yes. I don’t know… just help me. And the movie hasn’t started yet. We’re just watching the previews. 

A: I’ll be there in ten minutes 

    I’m going to call and text you fifteen times now

    Don’t answer, it’s part of my plan

Ten minutes later, Alex was standing in front of the ticket booth bargaining with one of the workers. 

“Listen man, I don’t need to sneak into a movie. I’m a surgeon. I’ve got the twelve dollars you need to get in, but I’m telling you, this is an emergency.”

“I’m sorry sir, but I cannot let you in there. Especially now that the movie is about to start any second,” the young ticketmaster said. 

“Dude, you’re not getting it. I’m not asking to go in there. I’m asking you to get someone to interrupt the theater before the movie starts and get her,” Alex huffed. “Her phone is on silent, so she probably hasn’t realized that she had about twenty missed calls. Her brother was just in a car accident and might not live to see tomorrow. I think you can make an exception just this once.”

The teenager looked back and forth between Alex and the theater and sighed, “Fine. What’s her name again?” 

Back in the screening room, Jo was bouncing her leg anxiously as the lights began to dim, signaling the start of the film. She looked at Brock warily as he attempted to rest his hand on her thigh. She brushed it away and chewed on her lip, hoping that whatever plan Alex had in place would begin soon, so that she would have to be stuck watching the movie with this creep. 

Suddenly, the lights brightened again, and she watched as one of the teenaged workers walked into the front of the theater. 

“I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but I’m looking for a Josephine Wilson.”

The moviegoers grumbled at the interruption, but Jo shot up in her seat, “Yes. That’s me!” 

The worker walked up the steps to her level and spoke, “I’m so sorry, ma’am. But your friend Alex is outside. He says he’s been trying to contact you and you haven’t answered.”

“We’re on a date, of course she hasn’t answered the damn phone,” Brock sneered. “What the hell could be more important than this?”

The teenager looked down apologetically, “He said that he’s called you about twenty times. It’s an emergency.”

Finally catching on to Alex’s plan, Jo suppressed a laugh. She looked down at her phone and indeed saw all the missed calls that he’d warned her not to answer, “Oh my God. It says he called me nineteen times. What happened?”

“Ma’am, your brother has been in an accident,” the worker—Vinny, as described by his name tag—gave her a sympathetic look. “I was told it was really bad.”

“Oh God,” Jo pressed a hand to her mouth and got to work on her fake tears. “Is… is he alive?”

“I’m not sure,” Vinny shook his head. “But I think you should come outside and head over the hospital with your friend. 

“Yes, yes of course,” Jo nodded as a couple tears made their way down her face. 

“I’ll go with you,” Brock stood up from his seat. 

“No!” Jo said, almost too quickly. Shaking her head, she held a hand up. “No. It’s alright. Stay here. Enjoy the movie. We can always go out another day.”

“Okay…” Brock sat back down and watched as Jo walked out of the theater, not realizing that he had no way of contacting her until it was too late. 

When Jo exited, she kept up her façade and ran straight into Alex’s arms, fake tears staining his shirt. He rubbed her back soothingly, “Hey. It’s okay. We’re gonna go see him now.” Alex looked back at the kid. “Thanks for your help.”

“No problem,” Vinny waved his hand. “I hope everything works out with your brother, ma’am.”

“Thank you,” Jo sniffed and wiped a couple tears. She looked up at Alex. “Can we go?”

“Yeah,” Alex led her out of Vinny’s view and into the parking lot. 

As soon as they entered the car, Jo and Alex both burst into laughter. Jo held her stomach as she laughed, “When I said yes to interrupting the theater, I didn’t think you’d actually do it.” Jo wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “My brother was in a horrible accident? Do you know how hard it was not to laugh at that? I don’t have a brother.”

“It was the first thing I could come up with,” Alex took a few deep breaths in an effort to calm his laughs. “You were great in there, though. The crying was very convincing.”

“Thanks,” Jo giggled. “You know he tried to come with me? Brock.”

“That right there—his name—should’ve been a red flag from the get go,” Alex chuckled. “You were right though, fake crying gets you out of everything.”

“Stick with me and maybe I’ll teach you some other tricks,” Jo grinned.

They stared at each other with mirth in their eyes for a few moments. There was no denying that there was something brewing between the two of them. As much as they tried to ignore it, there was this connection that neither of them could quite explain. It was comforting but electric at the same time. But neither of them were bold enough to take it any further. 

“What do you say we get some fried chicken and eat it in the car like we were raised to do?” Alex suggested. 

“I’d say… I think I love you,” Jo joked. “In all seriousness though, let’s get out of here before Brock comes looking for me.”

“Yeah, probably a good idea.”

+++

Four

“So you know how helping each other get out of dates now is our thing?” Alex said as he fell into step with Jo as she exited the intern locker room. 

“Is it now?” Jo raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Didn’t know that.”

“Oh come on. I’ve helped out get out of two really bad dates already, and I expect you to return the favor,” Alex gave her a sideways glance. 

“Mhmm,” Jo hummed. “What kind of trouble did you get yourself into this time, Karev?”

“I haven’t gotten myself into anything yet,” Alex placed his hands on his hips. “I’ve got a date tonight with this blonde chick named Tiffany. I met her last night while I was out grocery shopping. She seems pretty nice, normal, but then again, I met her in the frozen food section so who knows what she’s like. Anyway, I was hoping you’d be available to get me out of it in case things go horribly.”

“I’d love to, but it all depends on what time I get out of here tonight,” Jo sighed. “I’m on Medusa’s—I’m sorry, I mean Dr. Grey’s service today.”

“No you’re not,” Alex shook his head. “I switched with her.”

“What? Why?” Jo scrunched her eyebrows as they approached the elevator. “Is this because you want me available to bail you out?”

“No. Well… yes, but it’s not the only reason,” Alex pressed the elevator button. “Murphy was on my service and I know it’s been months but she still gives me those creepy, weird looks and I don’t feel like dealing with her today.”

Jo snorted in laughter, “You are such a douche.”

“Whatever. She knew what she was getting into when she slept with me,” Alex shrugged. “So, if I let you out when I leave, will you hang around in case I need you.”

“I guess,” Jo faked annoyance.

“Great, thanks.”

By the time the date rolled around, Alex had been pretty optimistic. Sure, Tiffany wasn’t the girl he wanted to go out with, but since he couldn’t date the one person he wanted to date, Alex was doing his best to try to find someone he could make it last with. So far, he wasn’t having the best luck.

It started out normal, great even. So great that for a while there, Alex thought about texting Jo and letting her know that maybe he wouldn’t need her tonight. He discovered that he was very wrong rather quickly. 

Tiffany was beautiful, he couldn’t deny that. But she was too clingy. To the point that it was actually scaring him. He was sure if this went any further and they broke up, he’d have an ex who wouldn’t take no for an answer—or worse, a stalker on his hands. 

Sending a quick text message to Jo under the table, he waited for a reply. 

A: Definitely going to need your help tonight

J: what happened?

A: She’s too clingy. Bad clingy. Creepy clingy. 

    Take a lock of my hair and clone me later clingy. 

J: Yikes. Where are you again?

A: The club across the street from that diner we like to eat at. 

    I should’ve known it would be bad when she suggested going to a club on the first date 

J: You think?

    I’ll be there in fifteen

A: Please hurry 

True to her word, fifteen minutes later, Alex watched as Jo entered the club and took a seat at the bar. He spent about five minutes looking back and forth between Tiffany and Jo, who’d taken to flirting with a couple guys that had come up to her in the short time since she’d arrived. Bouncing his leg impatiently, Alex sent another angry text to Jo. 

A: What the hell are you doing?

    You’re supposed to be helping me, remember? Not trying to get laid.

“Is everything okay?” Tiffany asked. “It’s just, you keep looking at your phone.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Alex rubbed a hand on his neck awkwardly. 

In that moment, Alex heard a gasp from his right side. Jo had materialized and wore an angry expression, “You!”

“Me?” Alex pointed to himself, confused as to what her play was. 

“Oh my God. You don’t even remember me,” Jo clutched her drink in her hand. “I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re a hump ‘em and dump ‘em kind of guy.” 

“What did I do?” Alex widened his eyes as he waited for Jo’s cue. 

“What did you do? What did you do!” Jo’s eyes hesitated for a split second before she threw her drink in his face. “Thanks for the syphilis, you ASSHOLE!” She turned to face Tiffany before walking off. “Don’t waste your time!”

Sitting there in shock, Alex watched as Tiffany rose from the couch they'd been sitting on to look at Alex with a face of disgust, “And to think, I had picked out our kids names.” 

Once Tiffany grabbed her face and exited the club, Jo came back with a semi-apologetic, but mostly amused face, “I’m so sorry about your shirt, but that was awesome! I’ve always wanted to do that.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re having the time of your life right now,” Alex glared.

“Hey, you told me to get rid of her and that’s what I did,” Jo defended, a shit-eating grin on her face. “Come on, I have one of your old t-shirts in my car.”

“Why do you have one of my t-shirts in your car?” Alex scrunched his face in question. The thought of her having one of his shirts in her car did things to his brain that he wasn’t even sure how to vocalize. 

“It’s from the last time I crashed at your place on the nice, comfy couch I bought you,” Jo smiled. 

“Yeah, with my money.”

“Semantics,” Jo waved her hand. “Anyway, let’s get out of this hell hole and go to watch movies at your house.”

Alex rolled his eyes at her antics, “Fine.”

+++

Five 

Alex should’ve said no the moment April Kepner offered to set him up on a date. Knowing Kepner, he should’ve known what kind of thing he’d be getting himself into. But when she came up to him with a request from a former patient’s daughter who thought he was attractive, he found himself having trouble saying no and ended up agreeing to the date.

That’s how he ended up spending the past 20 minutes staring across the table at a woman who might as well have been the carbon copy of Izzie Stevens. 

He’d truly tried to give the woman a chance and not associate her with his ex-wife, but the longer they spoke, the more freaked out he was getting by the whole situation. Especially when she started talking about her love of baking.

“I’m gonna go use the bathroom real fast,” Alex started to stand from his seat.

“Oh yeah, no worries,” the woman waved her hand. 

The moment he stepped foot into the bathroom, Alex searched for his cellphone in his pocket and dialed the one number he needed to get him out of this situation. It rang four times before a voice came through the speakers.

“Hello?”

“Dude, I need you to get me out of here right now,” Alex whispered into the phone. “I’m at the bar and grill 20 minutes away. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stand this for another minute.”

“What’s wrong with this one?” Jo chuckled on the other line. 

“She looks like my ex-wife,” Alex hissed into the phone. “She’s got strawberry blonde hair but they have the same face. Their brown eyes are the same. Sure her tits are smaller than Izzie 's were, but they even have the same creepy, overly perky laugh. And her name is Katherine. That was Izzie’s middle name. But she insists on me calling her Kitty Kat.” 

Jo snorted into the phone, “Gosh, you really know how to pick them. What do you want me to do? How are we going to play this?” 

"First of all, I didn't pick her," Alex paused. "Kepner set me up."

"Mistake number one right there," Jo giggled in amusement. "Okay, again, how do you want to play this?"

“I don’t know,” Alex shrugged helplessly. “Pretend you’re my girlfriend and come in here kicking and screaming at me because I’m a cheating asshole or something.” 

“Wow, you’re really desperate this time aren’t you. Aren’t you traumatized from what I did last time?” Jo laughed at his expense. “Okay, I’m changing out of my scrubs right now. Give me half an hour. I’ll figure out a story on my way there.”

“Thank you,” Alex sighed in relief. 

He made his way back to the table giving Kathrine an awkward smile as she continued to yap on and on about some cooking show she’d almost been a contestant on. He was about ready to gouge his eyes out with his fork when he saw Jo walk towards the outdoor area where he and Katherine were sitting with an oddly shaped bundle in her hands. 

“What the hell Alex? Tell me why I just got off the phone with your mother only to find out that you were supposedly at dinner with me, when you told me you were working late,” Jo exclaimed, causing the bundle in her arms to let out a cry. 

Alex stared at her in shock, wondering where the hell she had gotten a baby from. He hoped the very real confusion on his face would come across as shock to Katherine, who was sitting there, jaw dropped and eyes wide, watching the scene unfold. Alex opened his mouth, "Jo—"

"Don't, Alex. Just don't," Jo held up one hand as she rocked the now screaming baby. "I know things have been difficult since the baby was born, but I really expected more than this. I don't know when you stopped loving me, but I expected more respect as the mother of your child. I thought you'd have the decency to at least tell me the truth! Instead of lying to me and your mother, about where you were and who you were with."

Alex looked back and forth between Jo and Kathrine, unsure of what to say. Jo was really selling it this time and he did not want to throw her off by saying the wrong thing, "Jo, I—"

"Shut up, Alex. Just shut up and hold your son," Jo shoved the crying baby into his hands only to scoff when the child stopped crying immediately after landing in Alex's arms. "Of course! Of course he calms down as soon as you hold him. I'm done!" Jo threw her hands up in the air and turned on her feet back towards the car. 

Alex cradled the child close to his chest and looked up at Katherine, “I should go…" 

Much like Izzie used to do, Katherine turned up her nose indignantly, "Yes, and I think it's best if we never see each other again."

"Yup," Alex nodded sheepishly as he made his way out of the outdoor seating area and to Jo's car.

Rocking the small infant in one arm, Alex opened the car door with his free hand and sat inside the passenger seat, staring at Jo who smiled at him. 

“How was that for a rescue?” 

“Where the hell did you get this baby from?” Alex scrunched his face in question. “Please don’t tell me you stole some stranger’s baby.”

“I didn’t steal the baby,” Jo shook her head, a smile playing at her lips. She bent over to stroke the baby’s head. “I signed up to be one of the people that picks up the safe haven babies after they’re dropped off at the fire stations. I got the call about this little guy two minutes before you called me to get you out of your date. I picked him up and came to get you. Which honestly, I would’ve interrupted your date regardless because I wanted you to be the one to give him a check up. I’m supposed to head to the hospital with him now.”

Alex watched as Jo became entranced with the little boy currently resting in his arms. She was a natural when it came to kids, and it showed now as she fussed over a whole bunch of details he hadn’t thought of himself. He opened his mouth in confusion, “Wait, so you used a kid abandoned by his mother at a fire station to play our fake son and get me out of my date with my ex-wife’s doppelganger?”

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” Jo took the infant from his hands and looked at him lovingly. “Come here you little guy. I know it must be scary to be away from your mommy, but I have to believe she did this because she thought she was giving you your best chance. She might not have been able to give you a home, but I will make sure that you end up in a very nice home, with some very nice people, who can give you all the love you deserve.” 

Seeing this side of Jo was incredibly sweet. She was so tender with the child resting in her arms, cuddling him so that he’d never know that he’d been abandoned; so that he would be surrounded with love. Alex knew instantly she would be an amazing mother one day. What scared him though, was that he’d begun picturing himself in that position with her. 

Jo sighed dreamily, “Okay. We’ve got to take him to the hospital for a check up and contact a social worker. If we don’t do it now, I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with him and take him home with me.” 

A crooked smile pulled at the corner of Alex’s lips, “Here, I’ll get him into the car seat and sit in the back with him. You drive.”

+++

Six

“That’s going to be fun. I’m especially excited for that kid’s next eighteen years.” 

They had just finished monitoring a newborn with the most difficult set of parents Alex had ever gotten a chance to work with. When he and Jo were paged down to OB for the case that morning, he never would’ve guessed that the parents would end up being coworkers who hated each other, hooked-up once, and ended up with a baby. But hey, not much surprised him these days. Still, the success of the little boy making it past the benchmark was a special moment for the two parents, who despite their differences were able to come together to make a decision in favor of their child's health. 

The situation inspired a conversation between Jo and Alex regarding workplace relationships. If Alex was being honest, he was a bit biased when it came to his answers. Ever since Jo had all but dragged him into that linen closet to celebrate their win against Cahill with powdered sugar donuts last night, he could not get her out of his mind. Working with her today made him realize just how much he enjoyed her company. They'd grown so close in the last couple months and if he let himself, he could see them potentially becoming more.

Deciding to take initiative, Alex turned towards Jo, “Hey, do you want to go get a beer?”

“Oh, I would love to. Especially after today, but I actually already have plans," Jo waved over to a guy standing in the hallway wearing pink scrubs. "Tomorrow night? Is that cool?”

“Yeah… yeah that’s cool,” Alex looked at the guy suspiciously. "So, you have a date tonight? With someone from OB?"

"Yeah," Jo smiled nervously. "I've been wanting to ask him out for a while now, but, well you know my luck when it comes to dating. Anyway, I finally got the balls to do it today. We’re just going to Joe’s."

“Huh,” Alex nodded. For the first time, Alex felt strange knowing that she would be going out on a date with someone else.  “Well, if you need help getting out of it, I’ll probably be hanging around the bar too.” 

“You know, I don’t think I’ll need you this time. I feel really good about this one,” Jo beamed. She looked over at the doctor in pink scrubs before turning back to Alex. “Jason is waiting for me. I’m going to go change for my date. I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah, see you later,” Alex waved lamely at her. 

He seriously considered forgoing a drink at Joe’s altogether. He didn’t want to see the girl he was falling for having fun on a date with some guy that wore pink scrubs to work on a daily basis. But another side of him wanted to keep an eye on Jo and make sure she was okay. He wanted to be around in case something happened or that Jason guy tried to pull something fishy. 

When Jo first saw Jason, she was immediately attracted to him. Who wouldn’t? He was hot and delivered babies for a living. After going on failed date after failed date over the past few months, Jo wanted a win. Besides, she needed a distraction from the thoughts invading her head about Alex. Because it definitely was not appropriate to think of your friend in the way she’d begun to think of him over the past few months. Especially when said friend was a pediatric surgeon who held babies on a daily basis and she’d begun picturing what he’d look like holding their own child. Yeah, that was a glaring warning that she was treading into dangerous territory with Alex. 

What she hadn’t banked on was Jason being the worst date she’d ever been on. From the outside, they looked like a normal, carefree couple, but something within her was raising some giant, blaring red flags. Maybe it was the way Jason had insulted and disapproved of her close friendship with Alex the moment they walked out of the peds wing earlier that evening. Maybe it was the way he mansplained everything and spoke down to her. Maybe it was the way he roughly grabbed her arm and raised his voice when she said something he disagreed with. 

She needed an out and she needed one fast. 

Alex was standing in the corner of the bar playing darts, periodically glancing at Jo and the guy she was with. He made sure to get a really good look at this Jason guy, memorizing his face enough to imagine it on the dart board as he flicked his wrist and hit a bullseye. One second he was pulling a dart out of the board and taking a swig of his beer and the next, someone was tugging on his arm to get his attention. 

“Kiss me,” Jo looked up at him with wide eyes. 

“What?” Alex sputtered his drink. 

“Jason. He’s the worst one Alex. The worst. And he’s at the bar getting more drinks and I need to get away from him,” Jo rambled. 

“I still don’t understand how—”

“Just kiss me,” Jo blurted, eyes desperate. “Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable.”

“Yes, they do,” Alex responded dumbly, still unsure as to what was going on. 

He didn’t have any time to think about it though, because as before he knew what was going on, Alex was being pulled into a searing kiss. While this wasn’t the way he’d pictured his first kiss with Jo going, he wasn’t complaining. Not when he could feel her this close to him. Not when her tongue met his own. Not when he could hear her whimpers as she deepened the kiss. 

They could’ve kept going. They would’ve kept going, if it weren’t for Jason’s angry interruption, “You little bitch. I should’ve known you were a liar when you said that there was nothing going on between you and Karev.”

“Jason—” Jo attempted a weak protest. 

“No, you know what? I dodged a bullet with you Wilson. I don’t need to be dating a whore,” Jason’s fists balled up at his sides. 

Seeing the red in Jason’s eyes and his fists ready to strike, Alex intervened, “Don’t you dare call her that or any insult ever again. She’s not your girlfriend, she’s not even your friend. She didn’t cheat on you. So, if I hear you ever disrespect her like that again, you’re gonna want to skip town and that’s a promise.”

Jason glared at them in disgust before turning on his heels and walking out of the bar. 

It wasn’t until Jason was long gone that they were reminded of what had happened minutes prior. Staring up at each other with the strangest expressions on their faces, Alex and Jo waited in silence for a moment. Because what were you supposed to say when you kissed your best friend and you liked it?

The question was, where do they go from here? 

With the surfacing of Jo’s thoughts about Alex blaring 

loudly in her mind, Jo mumbled a small, “thank you” in order to avoid the very real possibility that she’d just thrown this friendship down the toilet. 

Alex nodded awkwardly at her appreciation, “Yeah… don’t mention it.”

And for the first time in months, the end of a horrendous date was not celebrated with Jo and Alex hanging out. It was spent alone. 

[the-wintershade]

03. it’s horrible to learn about love from those who never loved you

pairing: sam x reader summary: you were not his universe and he was not your sun wc: 1.4k genre: angst, cheating

a/n: oh Sam, why’d you do it?

swear not by the moon  — a series of angst: 02 | 03 | ...

It was his smile. 

It was his charm and the way he spoke. The way he laughed. 

Everything about him was designed to draw you in, pull you into the pearly whites of his teeth and the tight lines around his smile. He was always different around you. Just a little bit sweeter, smiling a little bit wider, laughing a little bit louder.

And when he asked you to dance, it felt like you were the queen, that you were a star waiting for your moment when you would be the sun to someone else's universe. 

The lights of the club swirled around you, dancing across your bodies as you swung around on the floor, lost in the laughs and alcohol. You didn’t drink enough to get drunk, or even enough lose your awareness of what’s going on around you, but the light buzz freed you. Made you want to get lost in the music, the lights, the feeling of being close to him.

Skin touching, electricity sparking with each brush, his eyes only on you drawing out a fire you didn’t know you had. 

You felt as if he felt the fire too.

And you didn’t go home with him, you didn’t feel ready for that, but you met up later multiple times. When he eventually asked to be “official”, you agreed with no regrets.

And you didn’t have any. At least, not yet.

He brought you everywhere, made you feel like a star. Like you were the perfect person for him. He’d whisper, arm wrapped around your waist, drawing you into him, “I can barely keep my eyes off you.” A jolt moved through you like always, and like always he always noticed.

He smiled and you stifled a giggle, blushing deeply. “Hey Wilson!” A man with deep raven hair and soft blue eyes laughed at him. “Are you going to introduce us to your prospective love interest?”

Sam laughed under his breath and brought you over. “He’s always on my ass.” 

He was kind and the two of you got along fabulously, laughing and smiling. The two of you later became really good friends, but it was because of his close friendship with you and his ties to Wilson that he let it slip. 

He laughed into his coffee. After inviting you to one of the nicest spots he could find, he wanted to give you an opportunity to talk without having Sam around. Just get to know you.

But of course you were going to ask about Sam, wanting to know more of what he was like. Sometimes he would blatantly avoid answering some of your questions about his past. You figured he was cagey and that the bubbly smile might be a deflection from some trauma in his past.

You know, like most people.

But when you made the comment I bet he’s out partying right now, James chuckled and said “no doll, he’s not. He’s with…” His eyes flashed like he’d said something wrong before looking down to take another sip of his coffee.

You frowned. “He’s with who, James?” You set down your mug and watched as his face fell. 

“Doll…” He warned and you stood up, throwing your bag over your shoulder, dred pooling in your stomach. “Don’t overreact. I promise she’s just a friend.” He reached out to touch you and you jerked back, stumbling into your seat and taking off.

He was wrong. She wasn’t just a friend.

And what hurt more was that you knew exactly what he was talking about.

You’d seen them together. He’d laugh more around her, smile more, flirt more. You just wrote it off as some friend of his from way back, but there was a spark there. A spark that they both felt. Because you witnessed it with your own eyes.

And you ignored that part of you that said you weren’t worthy of him. You weren’t worthy of his light, his beauty, his charms. 

That you weren’t enough. 

Because when you met him, you felt it. Of course, he was attracted to you and wanted to keep you around, even the sun needed fuel to keep going; but it was never going to last. You were just a star, a ball of hot air and gas that he needed to restore his energy. You weren’t a galaxy he wanted to provide for, or that he truly cared about.

It crushed you that you even let him drain you like he did. 

Angry tears paved rivets down your cheeks as you hoped to God that your doubts were wrong. But even you recognized the truth when you felt.

….

Coming into the apartment and finding them together was almost the end of you. You almost fell onto the floor, collapsing from shock and pain. Your legs nearly buckled, but you gripped the door frame so hard your knuckles turned white and took a few breaths. 

You would not break in front of them, not here, not now. Because this wasn’t a devastating blow. It hurt like hell, yes, but you would not die. You would not allow yourself to be crippled because of it.

So you left. 

And when you came back to get your things, after ignoring his phone calls and texts, he came barreling through the door, witnessing all the boxes packed around him.

“Where are you going?” He followed you around the apartment as you shoved clothes into your suitcase. Your arms tingled and legs wobbled from the adrenaline pumping through your veins. It took you everything not to turn around and scream and scream and scream until you couldn’t speak anymore. 

But this was not the fury you wanted to unleash. 

You wanted to leave on your own terms, not provoked to hostility because of the damage he inflicted.

You shoved the last of your clothes in your suitcase and zipped it, forcing the lid down. “Away.”

His face crumpled and he caught your arm as you tried to move around him. “Why? What happened? What did I do?” Desperation creeped into his voice. You wrenched your arm out of his touch.

“I think you made it pretty clear you didn’t want me when you brought your friend over to the apartment.” You rolled your luggage to the door. “And also when you were heavily making out on the sofa.” A friend of yours came up to help you carry the boxes and just when you were about to reach for the last of your things, he caught you, trying to pull you into him.

Electricity jumped from his fingers to your skin, but you steeled your face, not allowing his affect on you to cloud your decision. This wasn’t just a matter of the heart, but it required the head to follow through with it.

Your mind would save you, help you get through this. You ignored the buzz in your veins and waited while he got his final words out. “That...that was complicated. You know how my life is, you know how hard it’s been.”

“And while I’m sure you have your reasons,” You stepped away, severing the connection and the hold he tried to inflict on you, “I have mine.” Dropping the keys on the table, you turned to face him one last time. “I’m not going to wait around and forgive you every time you cheat, every time you go out with this woman. I deserve more. I’m worth more.” His eyes widened at your recognition that this wasn’t the first time. “I tried to ignore the signs before but seeing you together was too much. I’m done making excuses for you and trying to reason with myself that you actually care about me.”

“I do...I—” He tries to touch you again but you put your hand on the door and open it. “I do still care. Don’t leave.”

His eyes well with tears. Not at the thought of having you out of his life, but of having no one constantly at his side. “You like the idea of having someone that you can count on to always be around you. To always stay by your side and support you. But I can’t be that person for you. I cannot sit around while you go out with whoever, whenever you want. I’m more than just a show piece to carry around. I’m a human being.” You're about to pull the door closed when he stops you.

“You’re more than that! I—I love you.” It doesn’t even look real or feel real to you. It breaks your heart even more.

“The only thing you love,” you yank the door out of his grip, “is the idea of having a trophy.” 

And when you slam the door, you make it to your car and sob and sob and sob. Till you’re drowning in tears, till you drown out your light.