#also no tao fight at the end was SO lame | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lahmaisip · 1 year ago

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2015- I met someone, the first, my first at everything. siguro i can say na hindi ako fan ng first love never dies. but i can say she had my innocence that time, it was wild, it was pure, no cheating happened. yet sobrang traumatic and guilt na lang yung nag continue sa relationship. it was become obsession relationship that we need to stop, na kailangan ko i-hinto dati. i never mouthed her name kapag inaask siya ng past relationship ko now kasi i dont want to remember things of-course it her privacy as well.

2016-2018 - met someone, we lasted 3 years and i can say this person taught me so well. my first ever experience of being cheated on. I let it slide more than 4 times. ay syempre tanga ako eh, pero take note, i did what she did. yeah, i cheated back, it was lame excuse but it was first time i learned how to do that. (PLEASE ITS NOT GOOD) i met a lot of people by that time, and hindi na talaga healthy. we always fight, learned how to talk and ask comfort to someone, she threw words to me (that i dont want to experienced again) so for the fifth time i think? i was the one who ended it. it was horrible and nightmare for the both of us and gladly we end it.

2019-2021 - met someone, we lasted 2years and 6 months? and again, even i told what happened in my past syempre nangyari ulit. cheating involve ulit, and some fights na sobrang masasakit yung mga salita. And again, it was the second time around i cheated back also. I talked to different people. (Most of them we cut ties already, some i apologized). It was toxic to learned again and again doing bad things and let myself do whatever this person did to me. My mental health was so fucked up by that time. but yes we escaped on that scenario.

2021 - connection of the 2019-2021, met someone i talked while dealing with 2019-2021. Wala akong idea na magiging seryoso ako sa taong to. but again, this relationship was the fruit of cheating i did to my ex. naging maganda yung mental health ko dito, she heals every trauma i experienced sa past ko. naging maingat siya sa mga salita na binibitawan niya, lagi niya nireremind sakin that I’m always safe with her. pero sabi ko nga, siya yung naging bunga ng pag cheat ko doon sa isa. and as a saying “walang lihim na hindi na bubunyag” syempre nalaman niya na starting palang ng relationship namin involved na yung cheating. (THATS WHY IT WAS NOT GOOD TO CHEAT) we lasted 8 months, i damaged this person with all lies, betrayal, trauma. hindi ako yung tamang tao sa madaling salita.

2021-2022 - may pagitan naman yan ng months bago ako naka hanap ano ba. Winter of december, met this person. bro, this is the definition of greenflag. as in, again naranasan ko yung sobrang gentle, no harmful words, soft, pure. Sa lahat ng bagay may assurance ako, yung mga ganon type na hindi niya ako hahayaan mag isip. but we lasted 5months, it wasn’t her fault. It was my mental health, nalubog ako sa iniisip ko sa family ko. the pressure of being the investment child, yung mga disappointment. Hindi ko na balance yung family and relationship ko, thats why I lost her. I tried to apologize, but again some mistakes aren’t mend by a simple sorry. Mas pinili niya mag grow na wala ako, hindi ko naman siya masisisi don at alam ko deserve niya yon.

2022-2023 - recent, we last year and 4-5months. It was good at first, this was a roller coaster feelings. masaya, masakit, malungkot. Hindi ako nawalan ng pag asa dito, gustong gusto ko ilaban to. hindi ko rin alam anong potential yung nakita ko dito bakit gusto ko mag stay, yet sobrang toxic, trauma, painful yung nararanasan namin dalawa. Hindi ko masabi kung parehas kaming tanga o parehas kaming sobrang attached sa isa’t isa. Siguro naniniwala ako sa definition ng “You always see the good in every bad” inulit-ulit namin hanggang sa dalawa na kami nauubos. aminado, akong nawala ko yung sarili ko in the process of loving her. syempre ganon din naman siya. nandito rin pumapasok yung idea na “Not all people can do long distance”. hinding-hindi mo mapipilit yung isang tao lalo na kung physical touch yung love language nila at hindi sila sanay sa ganon. wala ka magagawa, iintindihin mo na lang. We ended things by her telling me she found someone else already. Siguro nga hindi naging sapat lahat. pero sobrang mahal ko to kaya alam ko mapapatawad ko siya sa ano man naging desisyon niya, ganon din naman ako. even we cut ties, I apologized above sa lahat ng sakit na binigay ko sa kanya, pagkukulang at failure.

-to wrap up things, i learned lessons, naka sakit ako, I bought traumas to them/ they bought traumas to me. may mga bagay na hindi na kailangan pag usapan pa. pero siguro, mas gusto kong mahalin muna yung sarili ko. mag heal hanggang sa makita ko na talaga yung taong kaya kong maging genuine and soft ulit. Yung mabibigay ko yung best version ko, without cheating involve, na alam ko sobrang matured ko na to handle a relationship. i know there is someone out there, kaya ill better myself until i meet that person.

#self

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always5hineee · 4 years ago

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Hell and Back - Chapter 20: The First Rule of Right Club (Trial 27)

Word count: 3153

Chapter warnings: Mild language, violence, and dangerous actions

[Please do not replicate any of the behaviors read in this book.]

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After explaining what had happened with Tao's challenge, Suho warned her not to do it again without asking him about it. She tried to defend herself in regards to the time limit, but he wasn't having it. Tao attempted to take the blame for it, but they both understood that it was just Suho's being on edge. At least they got another trial out of the way. Only a few more before they were done... Finally, she just decided to move past it, looking down to the screen.

"Lay is limited for this trial." She said curtly, not willing to fight with their unofficial leader any longer. "Who did we say was going next?"

"We listed Sehun." Lay offered, paying attention mostly just because of the use of his name.

"I'm okay with that." Sehun said. "Let's go, it's getting late, and I'm starving. The faster we do this, the better."

"Alright," she pressed his name, waiting for it to load up. Before the text even appeared, Sehun grabbed the phone out of her hand. As she started yelling protests, he held it on his other side out of her reach as she grabbed his arm, jumping behind him to try and get it. Reading it, he said,

"I have to compete in a fighting ring." Pausing her jumps, she asked,

"Are you serious? That seems dangerous. And illegal." Handing the phone back to her, he said,

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it... Where are we even going to find a fighting ring?" As he asked this, everyone looked too Kris. Noticing their gazes, he glared.

"Don't look at me. I don't do that underground shit."

"We might need to ask the app again..." Chen suggested.

"The last time we did that, though, Lay got screwed over."

"Do we really have a choice, though?" Kyungsoo pointed out. "We can't just walk around the city asking people where to find a highly illegal activity we can participate in."

"Yeah, I guess." Suho said, clearly unhappy with this decision. "Y/N, ask the thing." He ordered. She wanted to snark back at him, but just did what he asked, watching the familiar box. Do you wish to request a set trial location? Note that this cannot be changed freely. Clicking yes, a GPS box popped up.

"I guess we have a place, then." She said. "It's within walking distance, actually, do we-"

"We're driving." Kris said, making it non-negotiable. "If something happens, I'm not gonna run down the street like some clown."

"Alright, alright," she said, putting her hands up in surrender, still grabbing her phone in one. "Let's go then." They got into Kris's car, inching down the road as she looked for the right area. Finally, they reached a suspiciously dark parking deck, to which she pointed. "There." Pulling in, she told him to just find whatever parking space he wanted. Although it was empty, she knew that the place must be close. Reluctantly, he did as she asked. Once they had stopped, everyone got out, Kris double checking to make sure it was locked.

"Okay," she directed. "I think it's in the bottom deck of this place. That's what the GPS is insinuating, anyway."

"Do you guys carry masks?" Kyungsoo asked, pulling one out of his pocket. It wasn't uncommon to do so for both health and privacy reasons. However, she didn't have hers on her- she generally didn't when she hung out with them. She wasn't alone, as Baekhyun wasn't carrying one either.

"Hold on, there are probably extras in the car." Kris said with a sigh, re-unlocking it and digging in the center console. Finally, he came up with one fabric and one paper. "Who wants what?"

"You can have the real one," Baekhyun offered. "Blue looks good on me, anyway." Taking the black fabric mask from Kris gratefully, he turned to check his car once more as she put it on. Although it had definitely been in the car a while, it faintly smelled of his cologne. He'd used the same one for years, so she could recognize it by now.

"Let's go." Suho directed, his own mask on as well as they headed towards the not-so-reputable staircase. They filed down two at a time, Sehun in the front. When they reached the bottom of the staircase, they were met by a large, well-built man obstructing the entryway.

"Excuse us..." Sehun said with an awkward laugh, trying to get through.

"What do you think you're doing?" The man asked in a rough tone, shifting to cover any gaps in his body-barricade.

"We're here to fight." He explained. "So if you could just-"

"All of you?" He asked, looking up at the line. "I don't remember that many people even being on the roster."

"Roster?" He asked. There was a roster? Well, shit, how were they supposed to get onto that.

"Um, yes. Are you sure you're in the right place, kids?"

"It's just him fighting." Suho pointed at Sehun, trying to get control over the situation. "The rest of us are just here to watch." Raising an eyebrow, the bouncer asked,

"You? You're gonna fight?" Sehun nodded, to which he shrugged. "What's your name?"

"Oh Sehun?" Grabbing a list off a table obscured by the wall, the man looked it over. After a few seconds his eyes widened just slightly, but he was quick to hide it. Looking back up to Sehun, he said, "Alright, you're on the list. If the rest of you are just watching, though, you'll have to buy tickets."

"Where do we do that?" Suho asked. He received a weird look- they were not blending in easily- but the bouncer told them he'd take the money right there. Reluctantly, each of them paid, following Sehun in. As they passed the man, he said,

"Competitors can go to the back room to get their gloves, unless you brought your own."

"Thank you." As they walked in, she looked around, astounded. She had never really been anywhere like this before. While in structure, it definitely looked like a parking deck, it was- no pun intended- decked out to no end. There were LED's and smoke machines everywhere, but it fit well with the aesthetic. It was less like a cheesy haunted house and more like a club that was too cool for you. There were crowds of people, makeshift bars, and the smell of many, many drugs, at least half of which the scents she didn't recognize.

"Hey, honey," she heard a voice to her right as she was walking, a man sauntering up to her. He was definitely older than her, but she couldn't tell by how much in the dim light. "You look new. Need someone to show you around?" Shoving him away by the shoulder, Kai answered for her.

"She's fine, thanks." Looking to Kai, then to her, then to the group as a whole, he laughed.

"Oh, you're one of those girls."

"What's that supposed to-" She started to ask, before Kai pulled her to his other side by the elbow.

"That's enough of that." And with that, he escorted her further into the deck with the rest of the group. In the center of the entire mess, there was a huge padded arena, much like one would see in boxing movies. There was a timer hanging on the wall, lit up at 1:34. It was counting down, leading up to something. Sehun split off to go to the back, slipping through the mess of bodies and out of sight. She wanted to follow him, but Kai was still holding onto her elbow. She was simply forced to watch as the clock counted... 3... 2... 1...

When it hit zero, it made an earsplitting buzz for a second or two, quieting the whole room down. Just after it went off, a man climbed up into the ring, wearing black jeans and a leather jacket. Holding a microphone, he yelled,

"Ladies and gentlemen! Can I have your attention please!" Once the whole room was looking at him, he waved a hand, laughing into the microphone. "Ah, who are we kidding, there are none of those here. Who's ready to fight?" As he said this, the room flew into an excited roar, strobe lights going off in the background. All of it was giving her a headache, but it was somehow entrancing as well. She couldn't help but continue watching.

"We have a roster of eighteen people this week, including your favorite reigning champion, the Golden Ninja!" The room once again broke out into a frenzy, but she couldn't help but laugh. The golden ninja? What kind of lame-ass name was that? She could only assume the others would be worse.

"We also have quite a few new contenders, so keep your eyes out for some new potential bets! Remember, the rules are simple. No kicking, no biting, no uh... blows below the belt, and you fight to win! Now who's ready?" Screaming and rock music began harmonizing in some sort of demon's chorus, flooding the area. How was this not audible to the people on the surface? Regardless, the matches were about to start.

If there were 18 players, that would mean there were 9 games. She wasn't sure which Sehun would be in, but she wanted to make sure she was up front for it. As she struggled to see over the mob, Chanyeol asked,

"Do you want a lift?" He whispered next to her ear. Wanting to be able to see the fight, she nodded in agreement. Kneeling down in front of her, he gesture to his shoulders. Not sure of what to do at first, she awkwardly stepped over his arms so that she was standing over him, legs on either side of his head. In one swift motion, he grabbed her knees and stood, lifting her off the ground on his shoulders. As they we relatively near to a pillar, he leaned back on it, so that she'd have some form of support as they watched.

Now that she was far above the crowd, she could see quite clearly. The fight was just beginning as the announcer called the first two competitors out. Neither of the names called were Sehun's. She looked on in curiosity as two bigger men entered the ring, each with shorts and gloves on. They were both heavily bruised, although neither looked like they bore recent injuries. Maybe they were regular competitors.

"Three rounds of three minutes each, we'll judge the winner by K.O.'s or cheering! Ready, set, go!" The brawl broke out almost immediately. She could barely keep track of their hands as they battered each other, each grimacing in pain every few seconds. When the three minutes was up, the disorienting buzzer rang again, each man backing up from the other. They were breathing heavily and sweating, glaring at each other. Had they fought before?

The second and third rounds progressed in relatively the same fashion, although they progressively became more slow and clunky. By the end, since no one had been knocked out, the announcer raised each man's hand one at a time to listen for the cheers. She did not cheer for either.

The second match was similar, but they only fought two rounds. During the second, the smaller of the two men was knocked out cold, tongue practically falling out of his mouth. It was beginning to worry her. Those two men were obviously not in the same weight class. Who would Sehun end up fighting?

"Hey, uh, loosen up." Chanyeol said from below her in sort of a loud whisper, trying to get her attention without alerting anyone else.

"Huh?"

"My scalp's kinda sore still." Looking down, she realized that she was holding onto his head rather tightly, running her fingers over his remaining hair in an obsessive manner.

"Oh! Sorry..." She said. "I'm just nervous."

"Me too."

The third round passed, then the fourth. The fifth. She was starting to become fearful as even bigger and scarier men began coming out, each more violent and rage-filled than the last. Sixth. Seventh. It was at the eighth round that things became interesting. The announcer, as he had between the other rounds, stood to speak. However, this time, his dialogue was a bit different.

"In a recent development, one of our competitors has backed out! Normally we'd drag him out here and just... beat the shit out of him," He laughed with the crowd, "But he's pretty much turned tail and hit the road." Were they talking about Sehun? Had he run away? She didn't have time to ask Chanyeol what he thought before the man continued. "So, you folks are in for a special treat! Instead of giving our eighth round competitor a bye, the Golden Ninja is going o be fighting twice! Yes, you heard that right, the Golden Ninja will be fighting two first round drafts!"

The crowd began to go wild, lights flashing and a few beer bottles smashing on the ground. She flinched, causing Chanyeol to tighten his grip on her knees.

"It's gonna be fine." He muttered.

"You don't think...?"

"I'm sure he's alright." As the two names were called, her eye grazed over the arena. The first guy- the original fighter- looked about how she'd expected. Huge, tons of tattoos, short hair, muscled far beyond her comfort level- it was all there. The second man, though, was much different than anyone else she'd seen. He was wearing golden shorts, as well as a headband. He had long, black hair that was tied back with it, falling into his eyes like feathers. His skin was light, and surprisingly clear. She couldn't make out a single bruise on his frame, although that could have just been the LED's. It was when the starting buzzer rang, though, that she was truly surprised.

The bigger man lunged for him almost immediately, likely familiar with the ninja's style. The smaller man immediately zipped around him, looping a foot around his ankle and pulling, causing the man to fall to the ground. Once he was down, the boy jumped over him, leaning down to hold a glove to his shoulder. Within seconds, the man had gone completely limp, announcer ringing the buzzer.

"And, as usual, the golden ninja takes the victory!" Two assistants, a man and a woman she had seen at the bar earlier in the night dragged the motionless body of the man off the arena floor, the victor waving his hands in the air and calling for cheers.

"For the final first-round match of the night, we have a new competitor to the ring!" She held her breath, trying to figure out whether she wanted Sehun to still be here, or to have escaped. This did not look good for him. The trial never said he had to win, but it also may have a contingency. In addition, she'd really prefer if he didn't die...

"Introducing... Sehun!" Shit. Walking out into the arena, Sehun was already sweating just slightly, silky sheen on his skin. He had taken off his shirt and was now wearing gloves, but he was still sporting black skinny jeans, no doubt restricting his movement. The crowd broke out into laughter.

"What's going on?" She asked. "Why is everyone laughing?"

"My guess?" Tao said grimly, "This is a normal occurrence. They pick the weakest of the new competitors and throw them up against the reigning champion as a form of entertainment."

"That's sick." The betting boards supported his theory. Every single bet was on the golden ninja, Sehun's boxes completely empty. No one expected, or even wanted him to win.

"Yeah, well, it's just how it goes." Sehun was looking around, trying to find the group. With Y/N covering feet above the rest of the crowd, she made eye contact with him, causing his darting gazes to still. After a moment, he looked back to the golden ninja. He had the advantage in weight and muscle, but he had no experience. She grit her teeth, hands roaming over Chanyeol nervously as the first bell rang.

The ninja seemed reluctant to lunge for him first, mostly because he seemed to want Sehun to make the first move. As obvious as it was that the latter had no idea what he was doing, the ninja wasn't stupid. Neither of them knew anything about the other. After a few seconds, though, the crowd began to boo. They wanted blood. As the competition was fueled on audience approval, the fighter fling forward, trying to pull the same tripping move.

While Sehun wasn't able to completely avoid it, he pulled his foot out of the other man's grip, keeping his balance and managing to shove off him. The ninja tripped, skittering on the floor, but didn't fall either. Annoyed, he said something to Sehun, but she couldn't hear it from where she was residing. Still, it seemed to send the front few rows into a bout of excitement. In a blur, the man's fist flung forward, connecting solidly with Sehun's jaw and flinging his head to the side.

"Sehun!" She shouted worriedly, Kris looking up at her with a glare.

"Shh, don't draw attention." A second blow met the boy's face from the other side, causing him to sink to his knees, blood flowing from his nose now. Laughing, the golden ninja leaned over, sneering. It was his revenge for Sehun avoiding his first move. While he was celebrating, though, Sehun wrapped his arms awkwardly around the man's knees, yanking on them and causing him to land on his ass, yelling out in surprise. Sehun managed to scramble to his feet as the golden ninja tried to react, able to get in a sucker punch while he was on the ground. Then a second, then a third.

At this point, the ninja had lost his advantages: his speed and experience were limited to his incapacitation on the ground, so Sehun was free to use him as a punching bag. As much as the boy didn't want to, he understood that he wouldn't get lucky twice, but if he managed to knock the man out now, the fight would be over. He kept punching until the clock hit zero.

As the buzzer sounded, he backed up, breathing heavily, wiping the blood from his upper lip with the top of his arm. Watching as the golden ninja twitched on the ground, the crowd was hushed, the announcer walking over to him. He seemed to ask a question, the boy trying to get up. He managed to make it into a standing position, knees shaking and face bloody. After a few seconds, though, he crumbled to the ground again. Shocked, the announcer walked over to Sehun, grabbing his wrist and raising it.

"The new champion of the arena- Sehun!"

Go to Chapter 21

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just-some-random-blogger · 6 years ago

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Wheel Of Fortune

EXO Park Chanyeol x Reader + others Characters: EXO Summary: Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Chanyeol was head over heels for you but he was 100% in denial that you liked Kyungsoo. Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: CRACK FOOL. RUN IF YOURE NOT HERE FOR THAT, jealousy, bottled emotions, fluff ending, etc.

A/N: this was TOO FLUFFY tbh. i wanted to hurt myself but it turned into fluff but oh well

let’s start at the beginning

your parents were introduced by mutual friends and started talking on the phone

okay kidding that’s too far

right

so you worked at SM

and is the maknae of a seven member coed group that debut a year after BigBang and a year before SHINee

(so 2007)

which considering the fact you were younger than Sehun by a couple of months meant you debuted at 10

just roll with it cos ITZ MY VERY SPECIFIC PLOT DMMIT

wheLP

the members were all exactly one year apart and the members from eldest to youngest,, the sequence was a guy (@ 30 yrs old), a girl (29), a guy (28), a girl (27), a guy (26), a guy (25), then you (24).

I KNOW I DONT NEED THIS BUT THIS IS HOW I IMAGINED THIS PLOT IT DMMIT

since you were basically a sunbae at SM even tho u were a smol child you wanted to show your support to your hoobaes

So a day before their debut as a whole group, you, along with the eldest member of your group, who was the leader, visited EXO in the dance studio and gave moral support

You were A BIG FAN and it showed

not that you were hiding it in the first place

your leader was HIGH KEY embarrassed by you, but low key thought it was kinda cute how excited you were for this song

so dUH EXO dances growl for you

anD YOU NEARLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST BECAUSE OF HOW PERFECT EVERYTHING WAS

Luhan’s voice

Baekhyun’s attitude

Sehun’s resting bitch face

eeeerrrrrthing

YOU WERE ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING

literally

and Junmyeon thought you were adOrAbLE

“I think she malfunctioned,” your leader gave a face and pushed you on the shoulder to see if you were still breathing as you let out a silent scream

“CAN YOU GUYS DO IT ONE MORE TIME”

?????

Jongin was too out of breath to fight you

but lol u know what

they did dance again for you

BECAUSE YALL HAD THE CUTEST LIL FACE AND YOU WERE LIKE 16 SO

after that your band and exo were pretty much in one group

like hella tight

you were bsicly conjoined twinss

You could be at an award show and your table would be abandoned because you decided to sit with exo or vice versa

HYPING EACH OTHER WAS NOT EVEN HYPE ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE YOU GUYS WERE RABID OR SOMETHING WTF

!!!!CALM!!!!!DOWN!!!!

like you + your group to them:

“thtAS MY CHILd!”

“DID YOU SEE YIXING AND HIS HIPS FUCK YOU BITCH!”

“HE WAS RUDE. THAT WAS RUDE. THAT’S NOT ALLOWED”

“GET OFF THE STAGE SLUT”

“WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP BITCH!”

“~~~that was sooooooo sOFYT”

“CHEN STFU! YOU NEED TO STOP USING THAT DAMN VOICE OF YOURS JONGDAE. THATS ILLEEEEEGAL!”

“myY HERT!”

“OPPA *cries in korean* PLESS!”

“WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY!!!!!?“

‘iN fRonT oF MY sALaD”

“PA$$ THE H01Y W4T3R”

“NO KAI. BAD KAI. STTOOOOPPPP.”

you @ baekyun

baekyun @ you

thIS IS A CHANYEOL HEADCANON BUT I LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN MORON WHO I HATE SO MUCH SOMEONE SAVE HIM FROM HIS IDIOCY

them to you + your group:

“first of all fuck, second FUCK”

“wh-- whT WHAS THAT HIP MOVEMENT. U ARE 4 YRS OLD”

“HE did t h a t.”

“NOOOOOONNNNNNNNNAAAAA ch0k3 me”

“I CANT HEAR YOU OVER U BEING SUCH A HOE”

“i cant beLIEVE THIS STADIUM IS SO QUIET” *ears are actually bleeding*

“NOt TODaY S4T4N”

“I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS”

“how does this have 300M views????? ONLY 300M I--”

“GAAAAAHHHHH WHAT WAS THAT MOVE WHT WAS IT”

“my soul has been touched”

“this is TOOOOOOOO much ma lord”

“DID YOU JUST RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF?“

“TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!”

“ASDFRTYUJM ive been shot”

ya dig

it’s not verbal abuse if they can’t hear you cause of the bass and the fact your on stage performing

but like

you guys did everything together

practiced

ate

shopped

toured

pranked

T O G E T H E R

like who else in SM mattered

SHINee who?

JK YOUWERE A SHAWOL THROUGH AND THROUGH

you reassure Minho everytime unless you wanted to die that day

YOu EVEN FANGIRLED OVER TAEMIN’s MOVE WITH MINSEOK

BUT YOU OBVI you had MORE THAN ENOUGH ROOM TO BE AN EXO-L and an elf and a cassie and a so-won and DONT FOrget a vip and a---

you get the point

ANYWAY

as you were close with everyone you had a special bond with every individual

YALL STILL TEXT WITH YA BOY KRIS

yOU WENT ON A SHOW IN CHINA WITH LUHAN

TAO LEAVES PUKE COMMENTS ON YOUR INSTA POSTS

my ot12

and as much as you say you are equally close with everyone

errbody knows that be bull the size of russia

yall caNNOT dENy that you and chanyeol have the same crack powder on your philtrums

LIKE KYUNGSOO CANNOT LIVE WHEN YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER

LET HIM LIVEEEEEE

this moment must never die

ya boy be mindin his own business then

BAM BITCH

you and chanyeol be makin D.O. cray af

rest assured he HAS thought of how he’d kill both of you

ANd that’s why chanyeol loves you

like he decided he liked you the moment you lost your breath laughing when he threw a rubber duck at Kyunggsoo’s head, making it squeak in the most demented way no one thought possible

but he knew he loved you when you helped him lighten up on one of his dark days

you had that kind of effect on people

i mean all you did was sit down with him, both of your backs leaned up against each other’s, head occasionally leaning against the other’s head or shoulder, and played some nothings on the guitar and ukulele

but that was more than enough

you were there with him

and that’s what mattered

But literally the moment he accepted his feelings for you

he began to notice something he felt 100000% dumb for not seeing before

the way you laugh when Kyungsoo says a lame-ass joke

the way you always hug him from behind

you did that with literally everyone you were close with sure,

but Chanyeol noticed you did it with him more

and he 3

there was also the way you were just always winding up next to Soo when he was around, like he had some sort of magnet on him

and how you just liked poking his cheeks, begging him to show his dimples

which were really faint like gurl--

chANYEOL HAD DIMPLES TOO

CHANYEOL HAS DIMPLES

why daheq did you like his close to nonexistent ones?????????

????????

okay you liked poking Lay’s dimples more

look at my boy, who i love with burning passion ANDWILL DESTROY SM FOR BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BAND SM SM SM!!!!! CHINA KOREA POLITICS FK ALL YALL

and suho

and chen

anD FINE--

yeah you did poke his too

literally anyone who remotely has dimples tbh

BT WHY KYUNGSOO

ads;ajsd;lasjdkas #jelly

so chanyeol decides to ask someone about it

so he obviously goes to his wisest hyung

but the day he wants to talk to Suho, YOU WERE ON A DATE WITH HIM

like a date but not a date date he could tell

BUT A DATE NONETHELESS AND HE WAS KINDA JELLY

so he goes to Baekhyun for some fucking reason

and he’s like “omg u like her i couLDnt FUCKING TELL FROM ALL THE HEARTS IN TH AIR”

instant regret

but like Baek did give him some advice

like 5% was advice

the other 99% was him screaming to just be a man and tell her

so chanyeol is like, “STFU.... also she likes kyungsoo so fml”

and for a hot second Baekhyun has nothing to say

BAEKHYUN HAS NOTHING TO SAY

“idek dude. this is why i flirted with her openly”

Chanyeol punched him for saying that

but he decides he’s going to tell you after like 231109 years

cos Jongdae said you don’t like Kyungsoo and that he’s sure of it

Chanyeol asked how he was sure and he was just all like

“she had a crush on Sungmin hyung before and DID NOT act like that at all.”

That made Chanyeol a lot more hopeful

So he just went for it

and asked if you wanted to get lunch

and then after eating, you guys walked back

and he just sort of blurted it out

“Joahaeyo.”

you just looked at him and chuckled, “Thank you. I like you too, Yeolie.”

bitch are you for real rn

before Chanyeol could clarify, your walking slowed, “I’ve known for a while now.”

wait

w h a t

“Minseok oppa told me.”

?????????? uhm HOW DID HE KNOW

Chanyeol’s hands were waterfalls atm, “Why did he tell you?”

Your face starts burning red and chanyeol cant help but think of it as a bad sign

“I told him I liked him...”

“... and he said he can’t reciprocate because he knows you like me, and that he can’t do that to his dongsaeng.”

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

cool story bro

you liked someone in EXO that was NOT him

cool cool cool

I GUESS CHEN WAS RIGHT

THANKS

wait did that mean chanyeol was this obvious

wait did that mean chanyeol ruined your chances with his hyung

wait was this why you cried that one time

WaiT WAS THIS WHY YOU HUNG AROUND KYUNGSOO

BECAUSE WHENEVER MINSEOK WAS IN THE ROOM, YOU WOULD GET KINDA STIFF AT A POINT AND KYUNGSOO MAKE A JOKE TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

WASTHIS WHY YOU TWO HUNG OUT MORE

WHY HADN’T HE NOTICED

AND IF EVERYONE ELSE DID

WHY DIDNT THEY TELL HIM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chanyeol frowned and called out your name, proceeding to apologize

“Wae? why are you sorry? did you tell minseok to say that to me?“

he couldn’t feel mushy and weird at what you said

“YA dont tell me youre going to be weird around me too. It’s bad enough Minseok oppa distanced himself a bit.”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but be angry, sad, protective, and annoyed all at once at what you just admitted to him

“I’ll tell him to stop.”

You pouted, “you don’t have to tell anyone anything, chanyeol.”

“yes but you don’t deserve to feel awkward around anyone.”

“yes but that was minseok oppa’s choice.”

“yes but he was only doing that because he’s my hyung and he’s dumb.”

“yes but--

OU KNOW WHAT WHY DONT WE ALL JUST BE AWKWARD AROUND EACH OTHER”

and so you walked forward fast and tried to ignore chanyeol

Chanyeol, with his freakishly long legs caught up with you though

he caught your arm

“What tf are you doing?“

“Ew dont talk to me its awkward. im awkward. your awkward.”

Chanyeol laughed. “yaaaaa, why do i like you?

“THAT’S WHAT IM THINKING HO”

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ohnoitsjic · 6 years ago

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The First Secret

January 19, 2019 (Saturday)

Hey there, Tumblr! ...and whoever is reading this.

So, I finally find the right site for me to post my tantrums, rants or even dramas in life. Matagal-tagal ko na rin kasing pinaplano na gumawa ng blog or diary where I can share anything that goes out my insanely beautiful mind (whether it’s a happy, sad, embarrassing or scary). Actually, may diary na ako dati, and it’s the old style, you know, yung notebook and pen lang? But the things that I only wrote there were about my friends, and hindi siya nagtagal because I got bored at nakakatamad siya kasi masakit sa kamay. You really need to have a lot of energy when you’re doing it, especially if you’re like me na masyadong madiin kung magsulat. So, I decided to upgrade it into a blog. It’s still like a diary but in a techie way. I’ve been searching on the internet if what’s the best site to create a blog, and there were a lot of suggestions popping up the screen. But this site (Tumblr) for me is just the best. It’s just so me!

I can even share to you guys my secrets here... or even my family’s secrets or my friends’, and if ikaw yung klase na tao na masyadong chismosa, I can also share to you my friend’s friends’ secrets *evil smirk*. If you know me personally, which obviously you don’t, I’m the type of person who keeps a lot of secrets. And some of them are DARK, even darker than your pathetic armpits. I am also the type of person whom you can trust (or maybe not?). That is why, some of my friends and cousins shared their secrets with me, and feel free to share yours too, there is nothing wrong with that, it’s totally fine with me, really. We’re friends now, right? And friends share secrets, that’s what keeps us close. Trust me, I’ll be your secret keeper *smile and winks*.

So, speaking of secrets, this post, bitches, is entitled “The First Secret” for I am about to tell you, well obviously, my first secret, and that is... *drum roll* ...my identity. Shocker, huh? I know it’s starting to sound so complicated right now, but let me un-complicate it for you, okay? I want this blog to be as mysterious as the stories I love to read on Wattpad. This way, I can say (or write) whatever I want without being judged. I might also talk about my friends here so it’s better to be safe than sorry. And I’ve also decided to keep the mystery theme running by not showing my face and not sharing my name. So, hell yeah! But you can call me a “bitch” though, because that is what I’m calling you (sometimes). And by the way, this bitch is no angel so I want you, my co-bitches, to expect more “shits” and “bullshits” around here.

I can’t show nor tell you my identity but I can give you some clues: I love to read and I also love to write, but English is not my first language so pretty please be aware that my English is bad as hell. Also, I don’t feel like writing this using my native language a lot, because that is just sooo lame (not that I’m not proud or anything, trust me, I am very proud where I came from, no doubt (which you probably figured out where, the minute you read the first paragraph) but I just can’t). Need more clues? Well, I can’t tell you yet if I’m a girl or a boy, or if I’m gay or tomboy, but I can assure you, guys, that I’m not a toy... or a freakin’ robot, which my computer always thought I was (if you know what I mean). But guess what? My “tanga” talent just kicked in. By looking at the avatar I picked, I guess you probably know by now what kind of monster I am. Oh, well! Welcome to my colorful rainbowed life (if “rainbowed” is count as a word. Told ya, my English is bad. Probably why I got 3 in my speech class).

Anyway, more clues about my identity on my future posts, just make sure you get it right, or else, we’ll end up getting a fight. But wait! We can’t go on with this blog thingy without you calling me some name, right? Or at least a nickname, perhaps. So, if you’ll ask me if what’s my freakin’ nickname? I’ll just say, honey, chill, and let’s get this real. My name is trouble. And if this blog posts leaked, I’ll definitely be in so much trouble. Hahaa!

Toodles, bitches.

xoxo,

JLa

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mlnmoongle · 7 years ago

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Love Speaks in Flowers

Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Fluff and Smut, Eventual Romance, Awkward Romance

Pairings: TaoHun;

Rating: Mature;

Length: Chaptered - 3/12;

Note: WIP;

Warnings: Smut, Semi-public;

Summary: Sehun's mundane job as a florist clerk is the same day in and day out. Until one rainy morning brings a change in Sehun's life in the form of Tao, a tattoo artist next door, and Sehun's not sure he's ready for him.

Sehun opened Twenty Flowers again today. He had a real love-hate relationship with opening shifts. The love came from getting off early to have the rest of the day off and the hate came from waking up early and having to deal with customers, but so far, today wasn't an awful day. There were only a few hiccups that occurred but were easily settled so before long by mid-noon, Sehun was assisting the last customer. Since Sehun was working the shop alone today, Junmyeon allowed whoever was working a shift alone a full hour break with the store closed. Preferably around the same time daily, but Sehun was running behind. Sehun very politely smiled and nodded at the customer's lame jokes as he was finishing up with him. The customer talked Sehun's ear off as Sehun walked him to the door. He stood with a strained smile as the man finished up his story and it was then that Sehun was politely urging the man out the door. Once the customer left Sehun immediately locked the door and flipped the plastic Will Return sign and sighed in relief, leaning against the door. At last, Sehun had a whole half hour to himself to sit and eat or nap, whichever sounded more appealing honestly, but before he did that Sehun needed to clean off the mess on the counter. So he walked back to the front and started cleaning off the counter, discarding stems and petals and leaves and whatever else was sprawled across the white top. He already felt more relaxed with the area being neat and tidy now. Sehun was still full from breakfast so he opted to not eat lunch and instead laid his head down on his folded arms at the counter. He really wasn't expecting to nap but just closing his eyes and resting his mind was good enough. The last few days have been stressful for him. Emotionally exhausting, actually. His mind has been non-stop thinking about his talk with Jongin and Tao and how complicated this all felt. Not that it needed to be complicated but Sehun couldn't make up his mind, or feelings. In his defense, he didn't know anything about Tao, but in Tao's defense, going on a date would solve that sad excuse. However, Sehun couldn't help but think back to dating Chanyeol. Chanyeol was also handsome and charming but left Sehun, so what would stop Tao from doing the same? Sehun groaned. This was stupid, so stupid, he was over Chanyeol, he was. A jarred clunking noise interrupted his thoughts and Sehun rolled his eyes. "Can't people read?" He mumbled to himself, not bothering to look up at the door because maybe if he played dead the moronic customer trying to get into the shop would eventually go away. So he ignored it. Then not even a minute later the phone was ringing. Sehun desperately wanted to ignore that too, but the last time he intentionally ignored a phone call almost ended in his termination, and he wasn't going to risk that again. With a heavy sigh, but not opening his eyes, Sehun answered the phone. "Hi, thank you for calling Twenty Flowers. How can I help you?" He intoned, and oh my god, he was not expecting the voice on the other line. "Hey!" “You." Sehun breathed and snapped his eyes open to gaze out the window to see Tao, waving to him outside the shop. "Hi. Did you know the door is locked?" Came Tao's familiar, husky voice. Sehun exhaled heavily. "I'm aware." He drawled. "Oh." Tao made a small noise on the other end. "Can I come in?" "I'm on my lunch break," Sehun informed, his tone still steady. "Great! Cause I brought lunch." Sehun watched Tao hold up a small bag, and he could only sigh. "If you must," Sehun droned, not sure if Tao was aware of his tone because Tao was smiling wide. Hanging up the phone, Sehun slid off the stool and made his way over to the door. He took one look at Tao grin as he unlatched the door. Sehun had no idea why he was doing this, but he was stepping aside anyway and letting Tao into the shop. "Hi." Tao said pointlessly, and Sehun offered a soft, "Hey" of his own. "It was good timing, wasn't it?" Tao strolled over to the counter and sat the small bag down. He immediately started unpacking the goodies he brought. Sehun eyed him as he did, walking back to the counter to sit on the stool again. "Was this really a coincidence or are you stalking me?" Sehun asked, attempting a joke if his small smirk indicated anything. Tao burst out a laugh and shook his head. "I promise you, I'm not stalking you. It's just...I don't know, a universal lunchtime?" Sehun gave Tao a questioning, but amused look. "Yeah because that makes a lick of sense..." He rolled his eyes but there was no animosity behind it. Tao laughed lightly and placed a small container in front of Sehun and then himself. "I hope noodles are okay. I don't know what you like, but they're pretty generic, I suppose." Sehun looked down at the container before scooting it away back towards Tao. "Wow you sure know how to make a meal sound mouth-watering," his tone clearly sarcastic and whether Tao caught on to it was beyond him, "But I'm not actually hungry..." He watched Tao's face compress as he stopped fidgeting with his own container. "Oh. Then we don't have to eat." Tao grabs Sehun's container to put it back into the pack and then tightened the lid on his own to put it away, too. "Well, that doesn't mean you don't have to eat." Sehun reached out to lightly grab Tao's hand to stop him from putting his portion away. "I don't mind if you eat..." But Tao didn't respond because he was too busy looking at Sehun's hand that was lightly grasping his wrist. Sehun pulled his hand back when he made eye contact with Tao and cleared his throat, folding his arms close to himself. He tried to fight the heat crawling across his face when he added, "I mean unless it's awkward for you? I really don't care either way..." Tao gave a small smile and pulled his container back out to open it. "It's not awkward, and besides...I'm starving." His smile turned sheepish and Sehun couldn't help but give his own small smile. As Tao ate, Sehun took it upon himself to get a good look at Tao. Now that he wasn’t dripping wet he actually looked like a decent human rather than a wet dog. Tao had his bleached hair messily pulled up in a small bun on the top of his head, some pieces hanging loosely over his forehead. His messy bedhead look was complemented by a sleeveless logo t-shirt and dark jeans. Of course, Tao would wear sleeveless shirts and pants that made his ass look absolutely fuckable. And Sehun was positive Tao didn’t wear a sleeveless shirt because of the summer heat or tattoos, or for comfort, but so he could flaunt his toned arms in front of him. Sehun was sure of this. Also, Sehun noticed Tao was wearing thin-rimmed glasses this time, too, and his eyes weren’t a striking light blue anymore but instead a soft brown. He looked absolutely gorgeous. Sehun couldn't keep his eyes off him and was starting to feel hungry. Minutes pass in silence with only the sounds of Tao’s soft chewing and the light outside noises filling the space. Sehun propped his chin in his palm as he watched Tao inhaled his lunch, wondering if he's even tasting it. “What are you doing here?” Sehun finally asked with an indignant expression on his face. Tao swallowed the mouthful he had. Sehun watched Tao's throat move with the action. “Eating lunch?” Tao answered.

Sehun clicked his tongue. “Obviously. I meant, why are you here? A flower shop isn't typically a hot spot for dining.” He quipped.

“Oh. Well, I'm going to buy flowers, too, of course.” Tao answered easily and added, “You said I could come back if I was a paying customer, and when I’m finished eating and you’re off break then I will be.” He smiled as he slurped up a noodle.

Lovely. “You literally just bought flowers not even two days ago.” Sehun pointed out. Tao smiled fondly. “Yeah, I know.” Uhg, why did he have to look at him like that? Brushing off the heat in his chest, Sehun composed himself again. “Let me guess. More Lilies?” Sehun asked dryly. Tao shrugged. “Hmm...Sure.” “‘Sure’,” Sehun repeated mockingly. Then with a cruel smile, he asked, “Did you just come here to bother me while I work?” Tao’s eyes gleamed dangerously. “Hm. Maaaybe.” A playful yet mischievous smirk spreading across his face as he packed the empty container back into the bag.

Sehun took a minute to retort because what were they doing right now? Were they flirting? Was he really allowing this? Sehun hummed, smirking. “Well, you’re out of luck then.” He started, narrowing his eyes at Tao, but Tao only leaned in closer, grinning now. “And why’s that?” He questioned.

"Because, you can only stay if you’re buying flowers, if not then you need to leave.” Sehun snarked, feeling triumphant in his retort. “Okay. Then I want those. Right over there.” As far as Sehun knows, Tao pointed in a random direction to one of the many racks of flower displays and Sehun followed with his eyes to which he was pointing to. “The... Chrysanthemums?” Sehun deadpanned, looking at Tao. Tao bit back an amused chuckle when he heard Sehun’s, barely audible, lisp. It was incredibly endearing. “Mhm. Those exactly.” Tao was still leaning on the counter, still close to Sehun’s proximity. Sehun could smell the faint aroma of peach radiating off Tao and it suited him so well, Sehun thought. With Tao being so close to Sehun, he was able to skim Tao's whole upper body greedily, to take in the details that he missed from the last time. Taking a quick glance at Tao’s arms, Sehun skimmed his beautiful tattoos again. Somehow they deemed from eye-catching today than the other day. Maybe it was because Tao's skin was just glowing today. The way that Tao had his arms folded under his chest made his biceps flex and, god, they looked so firm and delicious just like chest. Sehun was thankful that he was sitting because the sight made his knees weak.

Blinking the salacious thoughts from his mind, Sehun reminded himself that he needed to keep this professional and end the shameless flirting. So putting on his best poker face, Sehun stared at Tao for a moment, internally debating if he should even bother asking the number of Chrysanthemums he wanted or what color. Unfortunately, that was part of his job so crossing his arms, Sehun finally asked, “Okay then. What color?”

Tao pursed his lips in consideration. “Violet?” He answered unsurely. Sehun hummed acknowledgment with a small nod. “Alrighty. How many?” “Ah! I want a bushel!” Tao answered right away, and proudly as if he’s been waiting for Sehun to ask. He probably thought it was a step up from the other day when he used a ‘bunch’ as an amount. Sehun gave a deadpan expression as he mouthed ‘a bushel’ and it took everything Sehun had to not to tell Tao to just leave.

“A ‘bushel’ isn’t a specified amount, Tao” Sehun informed flatly. “So if you don’t tell me how many you actually want, then I’ll have to just guess and charge you for whatever amount I pick.” He warned but Tao hunched his shoulders in a small shrug. “That’s fine. Surprise me.” He says airily, however, there was a challenging tone in his voice. With that, Tao leaned closer, If possible. He wasn't quite laying on the top of the counter, but he might as well be, and now Sehun was able to get a good whiff of Tao’s scent. Aside from the light peach scent, he could also smell Tao’s natural, virile spice mixed with a light antiperspirant. He smelled so damn good, and it stood out strongly even amongst the other aromas of the flowers and plants.

And to add insult to injury, the way Tao was leaning over the counter made the collar of his shirt hang low, giving Sehun had a clear view down his sun-kissed chest. Sehun only glanced for a moment but Tao must have followed his eyes because Tao was grinning wickedly, but before he could say anything Sehun was moving, walking around the counter and to the plant racks despite the light swelling against his pants. Luckily, he was wearing an apron so nothing was visible, he hoped. But for good measure, Sehun asked offhandedly, “So, are these for references again?” He was desperate to cut the tension between them because Sehun knew his face was red because he could feel it, and he knew there was a subtle tremble his voice because he could hear it betraying his stoic demeanor. Sehun hated this. He hated how attractive Tao was even when he wasn’t intentionally doing anything, and he hated how riled up he got over nothing. Sehun wanted nothing more than to run into the back room to hide or jerk off. Sehun had to lean down to gather the Chrysanthemums, and as he waited for a response he braved a brief glance over his shoulder at Tao, just in time to see Tao quickly avert his eyes up and to his face. “Huh?” Tao asked dumbly.

Sehun’s ears were probably red now, too. He turned back to the flowers. “ The Chrysanthemums. Are they for a reference piece or?” He asked again.

“Oh. No. Just for me.” Tao answered quickly, and Sehun stood up, turning to look at Tao with a raised brow. “Uh, my apartment is looking a little dull, so I thought these would brighten it up or something,” Tao explained, straightening up as Sehun was back behind the counter. Sehun nodded, setting the flowers down. “Well, these are a good pick…” He mumbled. “Good to know.” Tao smiled. Sehun ended up not picking an outrageous amount of Chrysanthemums and actually picked out enough for what he thought would look decent in a vase. Which reminded him, “You have a vase, right?” Sehun asked, bending down to grab tissue paper that was stored on a shelf below the counter. Tao was quiet for a moment as if the question was some kind of test. So, taking it as such he answered what he thought would please Sehun the most. “...Yes?” His response was weak and a dead giveaway that he was lying, but Sehun didn't call him out on it and instead shrugged it off with a simple. “Okay.” Sehun tapped in the numbers to ring up tao's total. They exchanged money and with that, Sehun said, “Well then, you’re all set to go.” with a small smile, but Tao didn’t move.

“Did you need something else…?” Sehun asked. “Do you want to get coffee later?” Tao blurted out. “No,” Sehun replied quickly. Tao’s brows furrowed, all hope disappearing from his face. “Why not?” This conversation felt like deja vu. “Because I don’t like coffee,” he lied. “Do you like lunch?” “Yes.” “Then how about we go get lunch sometime?” Tao tried again. “No.” “Breakfast?” “Wha.. -No?” "Dinner?” “Uhg. Tao, why are you so persistent?” Sehun asked, feeling exasperated and the start of a small headache forming. “Because I like you,” Tao’s answer was simple and embarrassingly blunt. “You don’t know me,” Sehun reminded him crossly. “Well, I could get to know you if you would give me the chance to.” Tao countered. Shit. Well, he wasn’t wrong. Sehun was silent for a long moment and considered Tao's offer, but he rejected the thought immediately. Tao wasn’t awful or anything, and in fact, it really wasn’t about Tao at all. Sehun was keeping himself guarded because he didn’t want to fall and trip on his face for another gorgeous, charming, funny guy again. Sehun looked down at the counter and avoided Tao’s face and the question. “If you don’t need anything then else then please go. I have to get back to work.” He spoke softly, barely a mumble. Because Sehun refused to look at Tao as he rejected him for the second time, there was no way for Sehun to see the hurt expression on Tao’s face and how Tao quickly covered it up with a small, frayed smile. “Alright. I’ll let you get back to work. See you around, Hunnie.” Tao grabbed his flowers and lunch pack and headed out the door. Sehun only looked up when he heard the door chime open then chime shut. Sehun went home exhausted that night.

#taohun #taohun fanfic #taohun fanfics #exo fanfic #exo fanfics #huang zitao #oh sehun #fanfics #LSiF #LSiF fanfic

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bang-me-bangtan-style · 8 years ago

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CHAPTER SIX

WORD COUNT: 3884

3 missions.

You had 3 missions.

1: You had to throw yourself at either Luhan or Kris completely. or anyone of your choice.

2: You had to fall completely out of love of sehun

3: Once that happened you were to explain yourself to sehun weather he accepted you or not. Maybe you guys could reconcile your relationship.

You had completed the first one. It didn't take long. But the second one would be a bitch. It was going to be a real bitch falling completely out of love with somebody. Especially someone you've been in love with for a long time.

You were walking down the hallway and there he was. Walking towards you on the opposite side. It was like everyone in the hallway disappeared, and you and he were the only ones in the hallway. It was like slow motion and your eyes connected. But he coldly looked away. And the speed of time went back to a normal speed. You stood in your place as everyone around you hurried to get to their next class. You decided to look back but he had already disappeared within the crowd.

Although yesterday with Kris happened. Today with sehun ruin it. It had all flooded back once you saw him and you were beginning to think that this fling with Kris was for nothing. Although you didn't regret it, you were upset that sehun could do that and make you feel as if you had tried your hardest to move on. Seeing him was like you didn't even lose your virginity last night. Like you didn't even try. Like you were still at square one.

Tragic.

It was so annoying to know that oh sehun doesn't even know what he does. How he doesn't even know that you die inside by just one look. And how when he touches you sparks fly. Or when he is cold it hurts. He didn't know it hurts but it always did.

Finally you turned around going to your class just like everyone else. What else were you supposed to do?

In the middle of class you decided to go to the restroom. You had got a hall pass and you were making your way down the long hallway. Just as you about turn the corner there he was. You bumped right into each other and his poker face was as usual, plastered on his face. You gave him an annoyed look.

"Watch where your going." You snapped at him.

"Really, I wasn't the one looking down." He snapped back.

"Whatever just remember what I said Arasso?" You said before passing him.

"Why do you think you control everything?" He said with a bitter laugh. "your pathetic."

At this point you had stopped in your tracks before turning around. You then turned around to face him.

You scoffed at his intent to start something bigger than it should be.

He then took it upon himself to close the space in-between you two and tower over you. Angrily staring down at you.

"I'll do what I want when I want who said you had a say?" He said with no expression once so ever.

He was standing in front of you. His eyes boring down at you. Towering over you making your high self-esteem feel extra low today.

"Who said you could be disrespectful." You said glaring right back even if you felt small compared to him. But you knew that argument was invalid. You were the one who was the most disrespectful one if anything.

"Really? what a lame comeback, we all know who the more disrespectful, at least I didn't disown you like you have done me."

Shit.

There he went again.

Always getting the last word and the best comebacks. Your words weren't worth anything anymore he always seemed to win nowadays.

" Well your right. I also forgot to add: You're a worthless ugly piece of shit why would I want anything to do with you."

Sehun didn't see that one coming and neither did you.

Your eyes were wide and you tried to grasp what you just said. He on the other hand had eased up on the poker face and it slightly looked like he had an emotion on his face but it quickly disappeared.

Moments passed as he stared at you in disbelief like you could get worse than you already were. But it seemed like every time you always toped yourself every time. Getting worse and worse and sehun hated it.

"Your right, I am an ugly piece of shit. So what does that make you?"

You were so dumb.

You looked exactly like him yet, you called him ugly. You called yourself ugly. And now you looked not only ugly. But stupid as well. You didn't even have anything to say at this point. Your lips were sealed.

"Yeah that's what I thought," He said getting one up on you, "Why don't you quit being a bitch for once and treat me like a normal human being, Arasso?"

He called you a bitch.

He really just called you a bitch.

At that point your emotions got tangled up within themselves and you felt like you could kill. He was waiting for your reaction and it pissed you off more so you pushed him harshly and he hit the wall. He looked at you like you were mad. He was shocked at the force coming from you.

You started hitting his chest calling him so many names in the book. He tried to grabbed your arms to restrain you but you just kept going, and every time he would grasp you, you would find a way out. Only to angrily start hitting him again.

sehun, getting tired of trying to stop you, grabbed your whole body and pulled you into him hugging you tightly. You finally stopped trying to beat him and let it all out. Coating his whole uniform with your tears.

You hate him so much. Look at what he's done to you. You were a disgusting emotional train wreck and you didn't know what to do. Like really, you were trying so hard, trying so hard to fix yourself, better yourself and everything in between. But this asshole just wouldn't let you. he always brought you back to square one. Yeah you were showing how weak you were lately but that didn't matter. You've been showing a hard-tough shell for years now. You were bound to crack sometime.

Sehun squeezed you tightly. And you felt like hitting him again. It was all his fault anyways. You were like this because of him. You were in love with him because of him. You were a "bitch" because of him and you didn't want to live anymore. It was really emotional. And maybe graduation wasn't enough time to get away from him. Maybe killing your self was a better option. This was so depressing. Your whole being was depressing. Nothing about you was happy. You were battling alone and you didn't know how to continue on. But you did know you couldn't keep going on like this. Something had to give or you were going to take, your life that is.

You didn't know how long your cried in his arms but class had ended and the bell rang. People started forming in the hallways and you let go of Sehun. But he wouldn't let go. "I just want to take this moment in for a second." He kissed the top of your head. "For once we weren't enemies, for once we were siblings and I was trying to comfort you." He whispered kissing the top of your head again. Ruining the moment Sehun seen Kris standing waiting to get your attention. he instantly boiled in anger at your "Oppa."

He didn't like Kris around you. He was a player and a cocky asshole. Realizing Sehun stopped talking you turned around to see Kris. while Sehun went back to an angry Sehun. Coming back to reality you jumped out your brother's arms like they were poison. You felt like everyone knew your secret. and your anxiety crept up in your presence.

"Hi Oppa." You smiled at him. The images of you guys fucking all night played in your head. This feeling crept over you and you wanted to depend on it. Because when Kris was around everything was okay again.

"Hi beautiful are you ready for lunch?" He held his hand out and Sehun pushed past you angrily. Why was he mad? What did you do. You were just having a moment. Now he wanted to ruin it with his weird mood swings, and he talks about you? Hypocrite.

"Where you guys actually talking for once? "Kris laughed. All of your guy friends knew about your distant relationship with your brother. They just didn't know why. Because you would tell them you didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah. It was weird. We were in a fight and then suddenly we got along. And now were mad at teacher again." You laughed you said as you walked into the cafeteria. You got in line meeting up with Luhan, Chen, lay, Tao, and Xiumin.

"Hey boys!"

They all replied back except for Luhan. What was his deal? Kris continued to talk to you and you couldn't help but listen but you would drift away because Luhan kept glancing at you. What was he doing? Why was he...Then you looked at Kris's hand your waist.

Shit was it like this the whole time?

You felt really bad. Kris pulled you in tighter possessively. You should have known that Kris would start this. But you didn't think it would be so soon. Your eyes came into contact with Luhan's and hurt swam in them. You felt guilty. You averted them across the room only to be met with your brother's glare.

What the fuck was wrong with everyone today. You then decided to listen to Kris blocking everyone out. Finally getting through the line you sat by Kris only to have Luhan sitting across from you.

Great.

And he wouldn't look at you. Hell, he wouldn't even talk to you. You deserved it. You led him on it was your fault. And him seeing Kris so close to you only meant two things in his mind. One. You either fucked. Two. You were dating.

"Hyung what's wrong your quiet today. " lay asked.

Although the cafeteria was loud your table was silent. Waiting for his reply all 6 of you looked at him. He looked up meeting everyone's gaze. And then landed on yours.

"Nothing is wrong I'm just a little sick and tired." He said breaking his gaze from you to look at everyone else. You could feel the subliminal message in his words. He was sick and tired from what? You. Most likely so. Guilt. You felt guilt.

"Yah, what's going on with you and hyung?" Tao blurted out.

Your face heated up and you didn't want this happening right now.

"Yah why are you being noisy?!" Kris said throwing a food item at him from across the table.

" I was just asking aish." He said taking another bite of his food.

Leaving the attention off you finally you listened to the boys talk. Chen was also trolling around making some of the guy's butt hurt. And you couldn't help but laugh. You loved these boys.

"I need to talk to you," it all happened so fast you didn't see it coming you even still had your chopsticks in your hands and the food had fell from them in the process of you getting yanked away from the table.

"what's going on with you and Kris."

You were now outside of the cafeteria and the halls were quiet except the loud muffled voices coming from the cafeteria behind the closed doors. You were now pissed who did he think he was?

" what the fuck oh sehun?!" You yelled.

" malhaebwa!" he yelled back completely ignoring your question.

Why wasn't it any of his business anyways. "Andwaeyo!" You yelled. He grabbed your arm leading you to an empty class room. Shutting the door.

" don't date him."

You heart was beating fast. Why was he saying these things? It was almost as if he...

" don't date him please I don't want to see you hurt." He said sincerely. " I know I hurt you. We hurt each other. But I will always protect you when it comes to other people. I'm your brother its only normal. They aren't." He said upset.

"it's only normal?' " since when was how we treated each other normal? And when did you consider each other family? Just saying." You laughed.

This was funny. He looked at you with fire in your eyes. This amused you while he was trying to be serious. He stood in front of you backing you up into the wall.

" do you think this is funny?"

Yeah you did, you even laughed more. And you couldn't hide the smirk upon your face.

"Dae." You looked straight into his eyes and your smirk disappeared and your heart started to beat rapidly and you started to feel that feeling again. You looked down at his lips. Oh god why did you have to look down at his lips. Now you were really in for it. And all your sexual frustration you had towards him came rushing back making you wet and throbbing. "Sehu..." you wanted to get out of there you were in danger and you needed to abort.

"I don't think it's funny Ana, I'm so serious. Want to know how I know. Believe it or now Kris is friends with Kim Jongin and Park Chanyeol. And they talk. And I hear. " he said this last part more gentle. "So please don't."

They talk! What the fuck? What did they all say? What did sehun all know. now you were curious.

"what did they say exactly you said trying to keep your cool."

He looked at you annoyed. "Don't worry about it.

You looked at him in disbelief. Really? " it's my business, I would like to know. "He put a hand on the wall above you head you were so close that if you moved an inch you two could kiss. And then again you felt throbbing down in your woman hood. All you wanted was him to shove his d-... OK you need to stop your mind was going haywire and you started to sweat.

"I got to go. " you said slipping out from in front of him. But being too slow he caught your hand and fireworks exploded. You freaked out from the contact.

" Will you stop fucking touching me all the time." You snapped in anger. He looked at you hurt. He didn't understand why you acted like that towards him what was so bad about touching you?

"Yes, I am with Kris right now and I don't care what you or anyone else of that matter thinks." And with that you decided to go for the door.

"Haji ma." He said blocking your way." Don't date him."

OK he was pissing you off and you just wanted to smack the shit out of him.

"haji ma don't date him." He said.

"Why sehun why." You said in an expression of tiredness. Tired of fighting with tired of going back and forth with him.

He looked down but finally looked up. "Because he will fuck you and leave you." Your breath caught in your throat at his choice of words. "Kris is a player just like Chanyeol and Jongin." He softly said.

" FYI I already know what Kris is." You wanted to play with his head a little. You knew Kris was sincere towards you and would never hurt you but you wanted to play a game." Plus, who says I wasn't trying to do the same. Girls like sex too."

His face was in disbelief at your words. He didn't like his sister talking like that it sounded slutty. " oh, Luhana, what are you trying to say?"

You smirk and looked up from your eye lashes. "I'm trying to say I've rode that cock all night last night sehun." His mouth hung open. And you laughed. Then he became angry.

"Ana why are you talking like this your lying your still a virgin." His face was red and so was yours. From amusement.

"How do you know?" He looked at you. " because I heard Kris talking about it. He said you're a virgin and will stay like that till you're ready."

You mentally smiled at Kris being a gentleman. Who knew he wouldn't kiss and tell. But still you wanted to play further.

"Oh is that what he told you? No sehun I was pounded by an 8 inch cock all night last night and it was amazing the things a boy can do to a girls body."

He was fuming. "So, that's where you were, whoring around? Leaving me in the house by myself while you whore around I see, you probably fucked Luhan too that one night, fucking whore."

OK the game was over he just cut your last fuse. You smacked the shit out his face and he grabbed you in anger. you ended up punching him in his chest hard causing his breath to disappear slightly and come back.

"I'm not a whore sehun you fucking bastard! I've had sex with one guy. And why does it matter?! we're not family. I hate, you so why are you worried about my feelings."

"fuck you Ana." He said in hate. He still toward over you glaring at you. "Because I'm the only one who is allowed to hurt you. If you get hurt, I'm kicking somebody's ass. Family or not were still bounded by blood even if you don't want to be my sister."

His words cut you and you felt ashamed of everything. But still you went down the same path of destruction.

"We don't because I don't care if we are bounded by blood your thoughts and opinions don't matter in my life, and I would be happier if you got the fuck out of my life."

Pushing him away every time made you die inside. You hated yourself for it, but it was your own safety guard. Because the more you got close to oh sehun the more you were tempted. And you didn't want to be tempted. Temptation was dangerous. Your mind was dangerous, it was a battle field and you did whatever it took to not step on a mine and blow shit up. Because your dirty nasty infatuation with him was getting old. It Couldn't go on any longer. No matter how, or how much it hurt. These feelings had to go.

Kris found you after lunch.

"What was that all about? He said referring to sehun snatching you away. You didn't even get to eat.

"I don't want to talk about it," You said through gritted teeth.

"Okay, kaja" he said grabbing your hand taking you to your six hour together. Sehun was in that class to but you pretended he wasn't there and focused on Kris. Sehun sat in the front anyways. He never looked back.

After 6th hour was over you walked in 7th hour and there that asshole was. You took your seat next to him carefree and waited for class to start.

"So you really want me out your life that bad huh?" He whispered harshly.

You looked around to see if anyone was paying attention. Fortunately, they were chatting among themselves.

"Yes." And you turned towards your phone.

1:20pm|Tuesday

From:Kris

Hey are you staying with me tonight or going home?"

"OK I'll try and do it as fast as possible." He said and turned his attention elsewhere. But it wasn't right. His words didn't feel right. And you panicked inside.

"Sehun.." you said gentle.

He looked at you his eyes rimed red as if he was about to cry.

"Dae?" You fiddle with your fingers nervously.

" Okay class now that presentations are finally over.." but you never got to finish the teacher had already started class. "We are going to start in our books on page 107 and read about the Korean war." Everyone groans. "You guys need to wake up you will be okay it's the last class of the day you will be alright." The teacher went on. During the whole time in class you kept looking over at sehun. He was staring in the same spot since class begun and his words kept playing in your head making you nervous. You wanted to go home and watch over him. You quietly grabbed your phone out your pocket. And decided to text Kris back.

1:55pm|Tuesday

To:Kris

No ill be going home today. I miss my bed.

"Mrs. oh give it to me."

Shit how did he see it you were hiding it very well. You eventually got up the whole class watching you every move making you feel anxiety. You hand him the phone just as Kris texted you. "Oh, shall I read it." You looked him with wide eyes. "From Kris Oppa. All babe but I want you to stay I want to hold you tonight an..." your teacher looked at you. "Won't read the rest, he cleared his throat. Tell that Kris Wu I need to see him sometime so I can talk some sense in his choice of words."

Oh, god you thought what did he say??! It was something sexual wasn't it! You didn't even want to turn around you were so embarrassed it was ridiculous. But eventually you did getting the worse glare from your brother. You shakily went to sit down with your head down.

"Okay where were we ...oh....yes someone read 110 for me."

Class finally ended and you followed sehun out you grabbed his hand. "Sehun I'm sorry." Wow you were really changing weren't you? You never said these kind of things to him. " he yanked his hand away from you.

"Stop. Leave me alone. Don't come home either I don't want you there." He spat.

You followed him anyways all the way outside.

"Go...ka. ka!" He said in outrage.

And you looked at that monster you created feeling guilty every time he had an episode. You grabbed him into you and he relaxed a little. But that didn't mean he wasn't still mad at you." Neo-dongsaeng mianhae yo mian. " you said what?! You called him dongsaeng?! You acknowledge his existence as your brother. What is wrong with you?! You must be feeling under the weather if not delusional.

"Sehun finally wrapped his arms around you. "I see right through you." he whispered in your ear. "I know you don't care and never will. So, do us both a favor and quit the acting. He looked at the people who were staring at you two. "Quit putting on a show to make yourself look good." And he let go of you, walked away, to going home, leaving you there by yourself.

Life is really a piece of shit.

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valovetineblog · 5 years ago

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vaLOVEtineblog #01

November 27, 2019

10:12 pm

Hi! This is Valentine! You can call me Val for short but I love my name so I prefer you calling me Valentine more haha! But it's up to you. Pwede rin namang 'ganda' na lang cuz it's easier to pronounce. Chour. But srsly, any name will do🤗

Before I start, I just want you to know that whatever's bothering you or making you sad right now, you can overcome that. Struggles are part of growing up. Part of our lives soooo cheer up! You can do it💪

'Yun na nga. The DAY ONE of my mission is a bit harder than I expected and it stressed me out, My Goodness. I can't adjust fast. I have enough time pa naman but still, I am making my mission to end earlier than the due date.

They have given me four months to start my matchmaking task. It started from the first day of this month and I had to start this a bit late cuz I had to gather more infos from my targets. Maraming mailap sa kanila. I can't waste my time finding them while I'm trying to partner them up with someone. Hassle!

So 'yun, I just started today.

I woke up very early for school. Yes. For school. I had to pretend that I am a student. At parte ng pagpapanggap ang totohanang pagpasok sa eskuwelahan. Hassle cuz I really don't want to study. Like, I am just here in the human world to matchmake! Not to study! It's a waste of time. Hirap makisama sa mga bagets! But I need to do that. It's part of my last mission and it would be very convenient for me to observe and find my targets there. Karamihan kasi sa kanila ay estudyante ng Belvederian University. And mostly, high school students.

I don't get it why they are my targets. I mean, they're too young for love. Laro lang sa kanila ang lahat. But I can't complain. Their names are written in the book that was given to me by my... uh let's just call them... my coaches. I honestly don't know how to address them. But yes, they are love angels just like me!

Nakalagay ang mga pangalan nila sa love book. Nakatakdang pagbuhulin ang mga landas at pagdugtungin ang mga kaluluwa nila sa mga panahon na 'to. They are destined and in order to make the string between them tied up, I have to shoot their hearts. Shoot their hearts with my golden bow and arrow. My weapons are imaginary so people will really find it weird if they see me in an 'archer-like' position. But uh, I don't care! Ang importante, mapana ko sila.

So 'yun, I acted as a transferee student and everyone in the class stared at me as if I'm an out of this world creature. Lalo na ang mga boys. They are giving me chilling vibes. Perv stares. And I so hate it. Lalo na't mga mature na ang isip ng karamihan sa kanila. Who knows what kind of dirty thoughts running in their minds everytime they look at me. Ugh. But I have to endure it and I know I'm safe naman. Nagkalat sa paligid ang invisible guardian angels sa school. They got my back🤧🖤

I'm in the HUMSS-11C Class. My very first target named Irish is at the section beside our classroom while his meant to be partner is my classmate. His name is Ian. And to tell you the truth, he is SO annoying! Like, uh! He's not one of the creepy pervs naman but he's acting SO immature. Ang bully niya rin. He kept on teasing everybody in our class. Muntik niya na akong madawit sa kalokohan niya noong break time! Good thing, dumating na ang next subject prof namin.

Laking pasasalamat ko na lang na he's approchable kahit papaano. I can talk to him and make them Irish, the girl from the other meet.

Ang kaso nga lang, nang lumapit ako sa kaniya noong lunch time, everybody teased us! Lahat ng mata nasa amin and nakikisali ang girls like we are close enough for them to do that! Ramdam kong maraming gustong makipagkaibigan sa akin BUT no, I don't want friends. I don't need them. And uh, girls? I don't know but I hate everything about girls. May friends naman ako na babae but I don't trust humans. They are wonderful creatures but for me? For me to be friends with them? Uh, I don't want it. Hassle. Extra baggage.

Open naman ako makipagkaibigan pero doon sa feel ko lang. I'm just clearing things up for you. I can be friends with humans with a great vibes for me. But as much as possible, hangga't 'di ko naman kailangan, hindi ako gagawa ng koneksyon sa kahit sino kapag walang kinalaman sa misyon ko.

Back to Ian, after I asked him to talk to me privately, he laughed so hard before nodding at me. All eyes are on us and that made me so uncomfy.

We went out of our classroom and decided to stay at the corridor. I confidently looked at him, cheering myself up so I can start my mission na. Ian gave me questioning eyes with a smirk on his lips. I was about to start the conversation when someone bumped me PURPOSELY, making me stumble on the floor. My classmate who are inside the classroom rushed towards me as if I need help.

I stood up fast and didn't mind the commotion and my hurting ass. My jaw dropped when I saw who bumped me. Napairap na lang ako and remained silent about it. Hindi ko pinapatulan ang mga tao. They are too stupid to put up a good fight with me.

Ian asked me if I was alright but I am still looking at the guy who bumped me. Nakapamulsa siya sa kaniyang pants and his perfect shining white teeth twinkled against the sunlight.

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin with so much amusement in his eyes. May naririnig pa ako sa paligid na ako na raw ang next target nitong maangas na lalaki. They didn't know, the guy who bumped me is also one of my targets so technically, ako ang may target sa kaniya. Hinayaan ko na lang. So lame.

Binalik ko ang tingin kay Ian para makapagsimula na ng usapan but everybody was looking at us and I can't shoo them away! Ian told me that he's going to cafeteria to eat lunch and asked for my permission to let him go first. He said that his tummy is much important than anything else so I just nodded, looking so disappointed. He assured me that we'll talk after class!

But when the our last Prof adjourned the class, Ian was already nowhere to be found! I sighed with so much frustration because of that. And I became more frustrated when I realized it's Wednesday! Freaking Wednesday and I have to pick up someone somewhere every Wed afternoon!

I heaved out a loud sigh once again as I left the classroom while running. The eyes of my classmates were still on me. I know they were observing me because I'm still new for them. Masasanay rin sila and I have to understand why they are acting like that.

With my backpack on me, I went to the rest room and closed the door of one of the cubicles I entered. I tightened my grip on the straps of my bag and inhaled calmly. I focused on what I am doing as I closed my eyes.

After the sensation I felt, I opened my eyes. Bumungad sa akin ang mga nang-aakusang mata ng isang paslit. Stating the obvious that I am late again! Well, I am not late. Mainipin lang siya.

I held her hand as she rolled her eyes at me. Umirap na lang ako at hinila siya papaalis.

That was how my day ended. I'm going to do better tomorrow! Wish me luck, pips! Na-stress ako!

Going to update you gain tomowow🙂🤧

THANK YOU FOR READING💜

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69annebowlin69 · 5 years ago

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5-6/8/19 Watching True Detective Episode Eight Finale

5/8/19

16.53

I can’t work on anything else so i’m writing this up now to salvage this afternoon. Not up for cops and pseudo-philosophy.

One night the summer we all started taking pills, we were at my dad’s house after a party, i can’t remember where my dad was, but Adam said something about how with the Picasso and Kandinsky prints on the wall, it was like a pseudo-intellectual’s house, and because i didn’t know properly what pseudo meant or had such low opinion of my family and i, i took it as a compliment, that at least we were grasping to look like something more than we were. I hate this memory. Why couldn’t i defend myself. I would defend it now. Adam’s family had a fucking New Yorker cover print framed on their wall.

16.58

Hays’ jeans are too tight; his dialogue with Hoyt is a Previously On with the eery music. It hasn’t started raining outside yet.

16.59

This mf Hoyt literally dragged Hays from his house to walk through the Ozarks swigging bourbon and sobbing about the myth of the ideal family. I hate this show. Masculine posturing bullshit, but like a parody of the machismo that people mock online. As previously mentioned, i’m not one to shy away from the Big Opinion. This season more trash than season 2.

17.07

Damn dude sometimes you gotta burn your suit at 3 in the morning, give him a break.

17.18

I had to get the torch out myself the other night. One of the giant snails disappeared. Best friend and i looked high and

17.36

Sorry, the last entry wasn’t even worth finishing, and i had to go to the toilet to scroll the 40 pictures i took of passages from books over the past year. Some of them i couldn't even remember what they were, too much Tao Lin from before i read Richard Yates and saw how problematic he was; a lot of Liveblog, maybe my fav book ever.

17.38

What i look like, a snapshot:

the cheap sports direct adidas striped sliders with nike tube socks (white)

Black chino shorts (dirty, the only proper pair of shorts i own)

T-shirt of the keith haring statue of liberty print (too hack to wear in NYC; Eve’s mum got me it)

Hair “half-up” like Eve’s

Monobrow stubble at the top of my nose that i haven’t excised in a couple of days

Beard just about too long

jaw clenched

stomach gross

My legs are so bulbous, like why was i born with such ridiculous protruding legs. Not muscly, hefty. Very gross. Gross.

17.43

All i’ll eat tonight is a peanut butter and banana sandwich and an apple. Sorry, i have to try again with other Personal Projects. I don’t want to watch this show. i can’t watch this show right now. I’m no insider but there is maybe six per cent of a chance that HBO run it back for a fourth.

***

6/8/19

20.25

Emmy said she wouldn’t be impressed if i were to get in to a fight. I laid out a whole hypothetical where someone gets thrown out the bar where we work and is needling me the whole time. I take off outside after him and we get in to it, but it’s outside work premises. Asked her A) if she thought i was meek, B) would she understand if i threw fists in that instance and C) would i get fired. She wouldn’t be impressed and thought it was the bigger thing to do to let it slide. Also the police would get involved which would effect the work thing.

Pete’s been in fights. People are always getting in fights in the past. I’ve never seen anyone i know who’s been in a fight when they were actually fighting. The fights in True Detective are all in the past. Emmy said she doesn’t think i’m meek.

20.28

Mr Scotland (Peter Mullan) also does a show set in the Ozarks and what i think is that his southern accent was so bad that it had to be edited in post production. During his dialogue, the camera cuts to a reaction shot from his equally sociopathic wife or the Arrested Development guy, which is wildly disrespectful to a man who was trying to play an abusive maniacal southern drug kingpin instead of the usual abusive maniacal alcoholic Scottish criminal. This is what happens when someone tries to branch out and why so many people are scared of failure. Anyway, we’re not here to talk about rival crime shows set in the Ozarks. We’ve got a child sex ring to uncover and Dorff heat to savour.

20.30

Would be nice to have the honesty in a relationship where you can tell one another you should probably give up on a central arterial line of your life and move elsewhere. Emmy and i tell one another something like ‘you should quit’ all the time but neither of us really believe the other when they say they will. I don’t believe her when she says I love you during sex. It feels like a placeholder for real-life emotions or intensity that she’s still waiting to feel.

20.32

Quality of office lighting: strip lights, squares placed amongst the cardboard tiles, headache grain, staticky, unnervingly silent, revealing, bags under eyes, shadowy somehow, depersonalising, unaltering.

Quality of school lights from Euphoria: suplhate glare, neon, alienating and spooky but in a fun way?, fireworks! makes you say ‘it’s like a club in here,’ glitchy, Fireworks!, transformative.

20.36

Roland in the afterglow of starting a mass bar brawl then getting emotional over a mongrel, sipping straight Jack. Damn, to have memories like that. Roland didn’t have a gf telling him it wouldn’t be impressive or cool getting into brawls.

20.38

Like how they announce Man of the Match before the Match is even over (seems presumptive), i’ll be announcing my top crushes from this season VERY shortly.

20.39

Yup, not long to go until my number one crush from this True Detective Season is announced, as well as numbers two, three and probably four and five. It’s been markedly less horny than previous seasons, so we’re including different iterations of the same characters. It’s dry out here in the 80s.

22.02

There are noises in our living room, not like threatening banging or whatever, but people. There are friends in our living room. Not that we’re here to talk about popular 90s NBC sitcoms.

23.35

Everyone is here in our flat again tonight these snails have made us so popular.

Lucy put Mr Rightside on her arm.

Mil cast Bad Medicine to the TV and Jane suggested Van Halen.

Damon put on Carlyle Williams and Mil decided he couldn't apply for a Montreal visa until he found out what Sarah wanted.

Best friend and Jane cast Cold in my Veins. Mil got sad and started rallying for the TV to be turned off.

Best friend and Jane cast a Big Train sketch where Chairman Mao is dying and then the flatlining heart monitor turns into the opening riff of Virginia Plain and Chairman Mao recovers to sing.

Best friend cast the shooting stars where Vic and Bob do Virginia Plain and we listed the most recent instances we could remember of celebrity blackface.

I text Emmy if she wanted to work together tomorrow instead of taking the mushroom pills.

I feigned interest in a story about a kayak Jane told because i think she’s cool and want her to like me.

Lucy and Damon were lame when they left. Lameon lol.

Best friend turned off the tv and he and Jane went for a tab. Mil talked about Sarah.

Jane said she could get acid for Lucy but not this weekend and left.

Steve came in to ask if he could shut the door and I left to watch this episode.

00.07

This one-eyed mf talking like it’s Wuthering Heights and he’s [whoever the Irish housekeeper is who does most of the first half’s narration]. Recalling some vague terrible accident that blighted a rich-ass family, that should have zero impact on his one-eyed ass.

00.10

His story is very Woman in Black. Would love a Pizzolato reading list from this season. Friend of the blog Nick Pizzolato, please send me your reading list and influences.

00.12

It’s always too late. No matter what we do. Damn. That’s some extremely defeatist shit. Old people, you think they all feel this way. A cop out. These detective shows, i want meaning from them. Structure. Some kind of organisation that i can understand and trace, not this.

00.21

Roland and Hays hanging out, staying over at one another’s house. Can’t wait to be old, hanging out just me and the boys. Like how homes have a similar vibe to halls, just at the point on the back end of your life, symmetrical to the front. Just playing old Final Fantasies, absolutely on pills. Distracted during family visits because i have more gaming to do and a year left at most. Sounds reassuring. The long term doesn’t matter, so you do only the things that produce instant gratification.

00.32

Googled “what’s the word for when one thing is the same on one side as it is on the other’ lol then i cried at this stupid show. Mahershala Ali transcends this dumbass show and it’s writing and is doing something complex and satisfying and sad. Pulling together what he can of this jumble that sometimes makes sense and most of the time is not worthy of us trying to make sense of it.

00.42

Ok, here it is. True Detective season three Crush List:

5. Me all the days i wrote this and didn’t throw up whatever i’d just eaten. Very proud and horny for u, my boy

4. 1990 Roland with the rockabilly blazer

3. Hays in the tight acid wash jeans

2. Amelia’s dulcet monotone transcends being annoying around the middle of the season and turns alluring, like i need to hear it for thirty per cent each episode. It’s pretentious but in a way that makes you wish you were pretentious

1a. Hays burning his clothes in the dead of night. Mysterious. Jacked. Sweating as hell. Haunted.

1b. Everyone who checked out during the front end of this season - intelligence is a quality that personally makes me very horny and they displayed plenty of it by forseeing that this season would be a less exciting mess than last. Would love for them to contact me to just like hang out and watch a different show, if they want.

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straydogsatan · 7 years ago

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What would Avery get McCree and Winston for Christmas? What was Avery's first Christmas like? Thank you Satan! Have a happy holiday! ❤

Note: omg thank you for the ask. Haven't had one in ages lol so thank you so much also I got your other ask about what they'd give her in return. As well as Belarus. McCree:Avery would def pay attention to what he likes. What he says to the other agents what he's hoping for from her. Knowing she's listening. Avery would then tag along with tracer to go shopping. Avery would try to find the item that matches what he wants, even adding in little things for him. She would buy him his favorite liqour, candies, and probably make him something for a mission like cookies for him to share even tho he won't. She'd spend the entire night wrapping gifts, while talking to Athena about knitting a scarf only to learn at 4 am she can't knit. Come Christmas morning she would be up and get it all ready for him when he arrives to Gibraltar. She'd sit in silence and let him open his gifts first. Hoping he enjoys what she got for him. He's excited to see what she got him and once everything is unwrapped he'd hug her and tell her how much he loves it. And in return he hands her a few gifts of his own. He would give her some fuzzy socks, knee socks and a red scarf. He would also give her a few books, and some things for her bots. It would end with the party and then time at home with movies. Winston: Avery wouldn't know exactly what to give him. Everything he likes seems so simple and lame. This is for her special person. She would ask Athena to monitor Winston and give her ideas. When nothing comes to mind Avery would make cookies for him, peanut butter of course, with little kisses on top. She would cake banana bread. Pick movies to watch. During one outting for groceries she finds two gifts that would be perfect for him. She buys it and then returns home to begin cooking and wrapping. Come Christmas dinner she would sit and wait for Emily and tracer to arrive. When they do Avery would help pass food out and enjoy the company of them. Once they leave Avery would give Winston his gifts and watch as his face lights up. A red scarf, and a picture frame that his the photo of him and Harold in one frame and in the other a, badly, drawn photo of him and Avery. Avery would thank him for everything he's done for her and it would end with those two crying then watching movies while eating the sweets she made for him. Avery's first GOOD Christmas was with Tao. She was 8 and he didn't really know what to give her, so he made her a necklace. It consisted of two bullets. It was from his first kill and the other was when he taught her how to shoot. Avery loved it bc it meant something to both of them. He tells her that no matter where they are that this necklace will always bring them together and remind her of home. She also got a long red scarf that he made her. Their last Christmas together she gave him a matching scarf, gave him a #1 dad mug, a new hoodie. He took Avery outside and spent the time making snowmen, having snowball fights and drinking hot coco (Avery only lol). That night Avery told him she was glad he was her dad and that she loved him. He never felt the much love that day. The next day he died by Gerard. Belarus: Avery doesn't even know what a demon would need. Hoodie? No he has fur. Scarf? Same thing. Clothes? Belarus likes to be naked. Avery thinks the only thing he'd enjoy is food. She makes him a feast and he enjoys it. But it isn't what he wants. Avery figures he doesn't need anything. But that isn't true, Belarus needs someone to talk to. He's lonely and his heart is broken. He misses his family. He misses being free from pain. Avery sits and tells him stories about tao. It gets him to open up. They chat for a while. Then play in the first snow fall of the year. It makes him feel free and happy again. And when it's time to sleep they rest in the blanket nest and watch the snow fall peacefully. And from there he'll decide to stay with his human a little longer.

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deangilbert · 8 years ago

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all the evens then

I should have know this would happen. definitely going under the cut

2) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

I think my 5th grade teacher and my high school gym teacher

4) What do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hell if I know. hopefully I’m happier, living on my own, in a stable job I don’t completely hate, a cute dog and someone to come home to at the end of the day

6) What was your coolest Halloween costume?

it’s not like it was the coolest costume ever and it was actually kind of lame but as a kid I dressed up as a shopping bag but it was the first time I put actual effort and made a costume and I won the class costume award so I was a rad kid. I mostly wore my brother’s old costumes

8) Who was your last kiss?

I think it was at my cousin’s wedding with one of my cousin’s friends? the point is it’s been too damn long

10) Favorite ice cream flavour?

cookies and cream

12) Your favorite pair of shoes?

any of my boots

14) What is your favorite fruit?

apples or grapes

16) Are you into hookups? Short or long term relationships?

long term would be nice but down to start with short term

18) What do you do to get over your anger?

I kind of need to take a step back from a situation and isolate myself to give myself time to cool off. usually I dissect the argument in my head and listen to a lot of music lol

20) Does the person you're in love with know it?

I mean I’m not in love with anyone but if anyone wants to confess their love I am waiting

22) What's your horoscope sign?

cancer

24) How many pets do you have? What kind?

I have a dog named cooper who is a super mutt

26) Your idea of a perfect first date?

I feel like anything with some sort of activity is kind of nice. I find dinner and coffee awkward sometimes because I’m the worst as small talk. even if it’s playing board games, exploring new places or something other than just sitting and talking. unless that sitting and talking is drunk life chats I can deal with that

28) What makes you feel the happiest?

a good cup of tea or coffee, my family, my friends, my dog, not having any obligations, saturdays, long walks, good music, naps, watching my favourite movies or tv shows

30) How do you feel about oral? Giving and/or receiving?

I am in favour of both giving and receiving, though I am not the most experienced

32) Are you single?

for 5ever

34) Are you a good swimmer?

I’m decent. I won’t drown but also won’t be in the olympics any time soon

36) Online shopping or shopping in person?

I hate shopping regardless but in person because I got a weird body shape and can’t trust online

38) Cats or Dogs?

dogs

40) Do you believe in aliens?

how can you not?

42) What kind of music to you listen to?

I’m all over the map but alternative rock/folk, classic rock, rap, top 40’s, 80s, 90s, r&b, etc.

44) Where are you from?

the cold land of canada, nearish to toronto to be more exact

46) How much more social are you when you're drunk?

so much more social

48) Why do you think your followers follow you?

I honestly have no idea I am the actual worst

50) What worries you most about the future?

that there will be no progress from where I am now and I’ll never get out of this state

52) Are you happy with yourself?

not really atm

54) What big lesson could people learn from your life?

oh honey the biggest lesson is just don’t end up like me and you’ll be fine

56) What's your favorite Website?

this hell site and youtube

58) What was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles?

I think punta cana

60) What do you order when you eat Chinese food?

I don’t really eat chinese food but probably the most basic white girl meal like some general tao chicken or something

62) If you had to teach a subject to a class, what would it be?

I guess like photography or something idk I’m bad at everything

64) Favourite kind of sandwich?

buffalo chicken sandwiches are pretty great but I’m also not picky

66) Have you ever been stung by a bee?

68) Are you afraid of heights?

yes

70) What's your favorite breakfast?

french toast or m&m pancakes

72) Have you ever been in a physical fight?

probably I have an older brother so

74) Do you like cuddling?

yesssss

76) Have you ever experienced one of your biggest fears?

yeah I have

78) Would you break the law to save a family member?

I guess it would depend on the circumstance but probably

80) Are there any causes you strongly believe in?

yes

82) Favorite day of the week?

saturday

84) How do you feel about porn?

porn is my favourite comedy

86) Who was your hottest ex?

umm there’s not a whole lot to choose from but i guess my first one

88) Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?

jokingly sure

90) Ass or titties?

I like butts and I can not like

92) How do you feel about tattoos?

love them and have them

94) How tall are you?

5’5"

96) 3 physical features you get complimented on a lot?

my eyes, my hair colour and sometimes my tattoos

98) Do you have trust issues?

oh yeah I do

100) What are some words that you live by? Why?

I don’t know if there are really words I really live by or not. I guess my general mentality about life is we are only here for so long. death is inevitable and we’ll all get there at whatever point we get there, so I guess I try to approach life with as much enthusiasm as I can with that in mind. sometimes I just want to give up but then that idea of rushing to potential nothingness is more frightening than anything. I may as well see what the world has to offer

#ne0lution

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