#also my mom kinda fucking sucked as a parent in ways i'm only just now allowing myself to admit & examine

[dreamlogic]

...

[stardustpr1ncess]

So I'm just coming in with all the terrible takes today. The reveal that Vander was friends with Jinx and Vi's parents kinda weakens the impact of his decision to stop fighting. Let's take a look at the first scene of the show.

When the smoke clears, Vander is covered in blood still fighting, only to see two scared children. They're not only scared of the fucking war happening around them but of him. Then, the kids recognize their parents, dead under the rubble. Vanders reaction is delayed, and different. He realizes that yes, these are their parents, but that his actions, his revolution, orphaned two kids. Then it clicks for him that if he keeps going down that bridge there will be a hundred more, with him and his dream of Zaun being to blame. So he throws down the mining gauntlets, and carries the kids back to the undercity, feeling responsible for their safety after costing them their parents.

Having it turn out that he was actually besties with their mom who was most likely also fighting with Vander in the conflict, who is also like an uncle to them already, changes things.

The moment changes to "my friend was killed in our revolution and now I'm all her kids have left, war is lame." from "Two people just living in the undercity, were caught in the crossfire of my revolution, and now their children have no family. That entire family and many more were indirectly affected by my actions. War fucking sucks."

Yes it's still readable from the second perspective to a degree, but it becomes heavily overshadowed by the fact that they were friends. What if they weren't? Would Vander have just brushed it off? When Vander is calming the Lanes down in one scene and says "I'd do the same for any one of you." Was he telling the truth? With the first version it's believable, but now, he ended a revolution for his dead friends kids, but would he protect a stranger like that?

These are questions I don't wanna ask about the most noble kind guy in the show, but now that's what season 2 is providing me with. This was way longer than I meant for it to be, oh well.

Thanks for reading.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

orphaned cannibal adoption AU- Charlie BURSTING in the hotel front doors, striking the iconic lion king pose, and proudly presenting the cannibal kid to the other hotel denizens

Charlie: "GUYS OH MY GOSH LOOK LOOK LOOK!" (waggles the kid happily) "A KID!!!!!!!!! Kid, say hi!"

Cannibal Kid: “Hi…”

Husk: "What the fuck is this? Child labor??"

Vaggie: "No."

Cannibal Kid: (dangling in Charlie’s grip) "I'm VERY high up right now."

Charlie: "Do you like it? The hotel? The high up-ness? The other people living here? We can change ANYTHING you like! You are my child now, and I'm melting like silly putty in your tiny, tiny hands!"

Angel Dust: "Thrillin', toots. Who carried."

Cannibal Kid: "Small hands are useful for getting things out of tight spaces."

Charlie: "I did!"

Vaggie: "Do I wanna know what kinds of things you usually get from what kinds of spaces?"

Angel Dust: "Huh. Would'a thought it'd be Vaginal Area over here."

Cannibal Kid: "Internal organs. From still warm bodies."

Vaggie: "Great."

Charlie: "I carried our new kid here ALLLLLLL the way from Cannibal Town! On my shoulders! Just like how my dad used to do with me!! Only I didn’t turn into a horse or a kangaroo or-"

Niffty: "Aww, that's a long way to walk!" (raises hand) "THEY CAN SNACK ON MY HAND IF THEY'RE HUNGRY!"

Vaggie: "Niffty, Rosie packed a lunch."

Niffty: "NOOOOOOOO...!!!"

Vaggie: "And it's adoption, Angel Dust you asshole. Also try keeping the swearing to a G rating okay."

Husk: "You fucking first."

Vaggie: "Fuck."

Cannibal Kid: "Don't worry. Auntie Rosie taught me to only put nice things in my mouth."

Charlie: "Ooooh like candy?!" (realizing cannibal) "Or, wait-"

Cannibal Kid: "Like eyeballs."

Husk: (SNORTS)

Angel Dust: "Ouchie~"

Vaggie: "What? What? Wanna share something with the room, dingbat!?"

Angel Dust: "I meannnnnn- 's not like you're exactly well equipped to feed your new kid, are ya Vagginator? That's kinda... EYE-ronic."

Husk: (snorts so hard his fur fluffs up)

Niffty: "I have an eye I HAVE AN EYE!!! It's BIG and ROUND and-"

Vaggie: "No."

Cannibal Kid: "Aw."

Niffty: "MOTHERFUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!"

Vaggie: "Oh for- Husk, just, break a bottle and let Niffty have the glass or something. This is too much sudden family bonding happening right now."

Husk: "Let me fucking empty one first." (starts chugging)

Vaggie: (SIGHS)

Charlie: "Right." (lowers kid to eye level) (her eye level, not vaggie’s) "Have you ever heard... of gummy worms?"

Cannibal Kid: "No. But I ate someone named Gary Wormwood once."

Charlie: "That's pretty close!"

Vaggie: "Sweetie, no it's not."

Charlie: "Vaggie, as the mothers, our kid's 'best so far' is always more than good enough for us, it's AMAZING."

Cannibal Kid: "He wasn't that great."

Angel Dust: "Leavin' totally mid Gary to rot somewhere back in creepy Cannibal Town, what's the name of your own sweet little murder baby?"

Vaggie: "..."

Charlie: "...."

Vaggie: "Uh.... Charlie, are you gonna...?"

Charlie: "I mean you're the one who clicked with them, I thought you'd be doing the big introductions!"

Vaggie: "I'd love too, sweetie, but I don't actually... y'know."

Charlie: "What?"

Vaggie: “…um.”

Angel Dust: "...you don't know their fuckin' name, do ya?"

Charlie: "WHAT!?"

Vaggie: "It, it never came up! I thought I'd find out when you said it!"

Charlie: "I THOUGHT I'D FIND OUT WHEN YOU SAID IT, TOO!!!"

Angel Dust: "Oh fuck me with a plastic dick- Neither of ya's gay morons know's the kid's name???"

Cannibal Kid: "It's Annie."

Charlie: "!! ANNIE IM SO SORRY MOM WILL NEVER NOT KNOW YOUR NAME EVER AGAIN-"

Annie: "Short for Annabelle."

Hotel Crew: “……”

Vaggie: "....like, Annabelle the… cannibal?"

Annie: "Tragically."

Charlie: "Oh but that's. A. Lovely name."

Annie: "My dead parents thought they were both really funny." (flat stare) "They weren't."

Angel Dust: “Sucks to be you, kid. Sorry ‘bout your old man and lady.”

Annie: “It’s okay. They didn’t own a hotel.”

Charlie: “Ahhaha! This is a horrible thing to say, but- I feel like your FIRST life changing experience with us will be learning the true meaning of family!”

Annie: “Since you’re the princess of hell, what does that make me?”

Vaggie: “A normal kid who’s mom is princess of hell.”

Annie: “Dang.”

Angel Dust: “Oh I’m gonna LOVE bein’ your uncle! You’ve got piz-zazz don’t ya~?”

Annie: “No.” (pulls Razzle out from under their coat) “His name’s Razzle.”

Angel Dust: “That ain’t exactly what I meant-”

Annie: “I know. I was just being funnier than you.”

Husk: “Ha! Now this is MY kinda kid!”

Angel Dust: “Yeah sure whatever, I’m still gonna be a waaay cooler uncle than you, so… uhhh… Vaggie-boner, why’s your girlfriend making that noise?”

Vaggie: “The ‘eeeeee’ing?”

Angel Dust: “Yeah.”

Vaggie: “It’s one of her happy sounds.”

Angel Dust: “What the fuck is she so happy about. Didn’t she get over the whole burst of motherly endorphins thing while signin’ adoption papers over in Eats-your-face-burg?”

Vaggie: “I mean, you did kinda just make it sound like you think of her as family.”

Angel Dust: “Of course you gays are family! What the fuck???”

Husk: “….you fucking idiot. Now you’ve made them both cry.”

Niffty: “I wish that was meeee…”

Annie: “I think they’re tears of joy." (dabs tear on finger and tries it) "Tastes like it, anyway. Too sweet.” (pulls face) "Blegh."

Niffty: “Emotional pain from the AGONIZING realization of everything that’d been CUT AWAY FROM YOU LIKE A KNIFE TO YOUR HEART at the same moment someone VIOLENTLY SHOVES a brand new PAINFULLY BEATING HEART into the EMPTY CAVITY that used to hold your BRUTALLY CRUSHED DREAMS… can be fun too…”

Angel Dust: “….”

Husk: “….”

Annie: “Aunt Niffty, you’re so cool.”

Niffty: “Really!? I’m also gonna let you play with KNIVES!!!”

Angel Dust: “-no, no you won’t. No. Both of ya’s listen carefully- the word of the day is ‘N’… ‘O’.”

Annie: “Knife starts with a ‘K’.”

Husk: “He wasn’t spelling knife.”

Annie: “He could've been if he’d started it with a ‘K’.”

Charlie: “YOU ALL ALREADY S-SOUND JUST LIKE A FAMILY WAAAAAGH!!!”

Annie: "So is this the true meaning of family?"

Vaggie: "It's....close enough."

Annie: “Okay. I like it here, tall mom. It’s soggy, because you’re crying on me, but it’s nice.”

Charlie: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- YOU CALLED ME M-MOM-”

Vaggie: “There-there, sweetie. Maybe try to not break our kid’s eardrums on the first day?”

Husk: “You’re still crying out of your one fucking eye-”

Vaggie: “Shut up.”

[nohoperadio]

Some of my coworkers (I work in a bookshop, I'm getting kinda tired of having to add that parenthetical to every work story I tell on here but it's often essential context, I wish there was a better way. Why can't you just fucking pay attention and remember where I work, that would be nice?) are very smug and proud of themselves about the fact that they make a habit of ratting out teenagers to their parents when they're trying to buy books (to be fair I could probably have just let the context do its own work in this particular post, I didn't really need to say anything. I'm sorry I spoke to you like that earlier) which are, according to the bookseller's no doubt eminently wise and edifying judgment, not age-appropriate--not outright refusing sales, but like when a teen and their parent are both at the till, saying something like "oh just so you're aware this book has some controversial stuff in it"--and I hope I continue to successfully hide how much this pisses me off because oh my fucking god.

Mostly this happens with Colleen Hoover books, who if you're unaware is a very tiktok-popular romance author whose books are sometimes accused of glorifying abusive relationship dynamics, I haven't read her and don't have a good sense of to what extent this is a fair accusation vs people misrepresenting the books to score backlash discourse points, neither possibility would surprise me, but also I don't think the answer to that question is very relevant to anything.

And look, I accept that my free speech absolutist radical position of "teenagers are less stupid than you probably think but even the stupid ones probably should be allowed some intellectual liberties maybe, they're going to be adults in like five minutes jesus christ" is not something everyone can embrace, I do. But the sheer glee with which this one guy the other day was telling the story of a mom getting quite angry with her daughter when he told her about what she's trying to buy, like "haha someone's gonna have an awkward conversation when they leave the shop!", is so so ugly to me... like it would be much easier to believe this was a principled moral stance if you weren't actively making fun of the people you're claiming to protect! And holy shit do you not remember this exact experience, of being a teenager and a bunch of adults who are clearly not actually smarter or better than you nonetheless having strong opinions about what kinds of things you ought to be enjoying and spending time on and thinking about? Do you not remember how much that sucked? (I'm like a decade older than most of these booksellers, I should be the cranky old person whose heart has been consumed by cheap cynical moralism, not them!!)

I could add a little bit here about how obviously it's only the books that are girl-coded that receive this higher level of scrutiny and shaming, but sadly it's getting dark and I had intended to make this a short post so I could go for a run after and I should really do that now if I'm gonna do it at all, you'll have to think about that part in your own time. Sorry for ranting everyone I hope we're all having a chill Saturday apart from me. Are we having a chill Saturday?

[zankaboo]

(this post is going to be kinda chaotic because I have many thoughts to share but I'm struggling with being coherent right now)

I'm 28 and I still live with my parents. But I think I need to seriously start considering moving out, or something.

Living with my parents never bothered me much. Part of me was happy about it because like, why should I move out and take care of myself if I can live with someone else and not worry about anything?

But recently I've been trying to work on my issues and I feel like I'm never going to fully heal unless I escape my mother. She is abusive. She's been messing with my mind for so many years that I don't really feel like my own person. I'm almost 30 and I don't know who I am, I don't know how to be an adult. I don't even know what kind of clothes I like to wear. My mom doesn't care much about my emotional well being, she criticizes everything I do. She cares about me in general, I know that and I know that she loves me in her own way but the way she treats me is destroying me. Now that I've started to really think about where all my problems came from, the only source I can think of is my mom. She made me hate myself. I self harmed because of her. I shed so many tears because of her. Nothing else fucked me up as much as my mom. She hates herself too and she projects all of her issues on me. And because of her I believed that I'm ugly and worthless as a person. My dad kinda sucks too, not as much, but he hurt me deeply a few times.

I love my parents tho. Even after all the shit they did to me I love them. My mom can be a very funny person if she wants to be. My dad too. But they hurt me so much. And I want to be away from them.

I've been trying to love myself, my looks, my personality. I stopped all the self depriciating jokes, I stopped calling myself ugly or saying "I hate myself" or "I'm going to kill myself". It's only been like two months but I can already feel the difference. Sometimes I look at my body in the mirror and I see something desirable now. And it's an awesome feelings. I'm really starting to see that change is possible. A better life is possible. And I really want it. For the first time in my life I really want to change things.

But I just don't know what to do. My mother controlled everything in my life, she made most decisions for me. So despite some improvements in my mental health, it all feels so out of reach right now.

I'm very lonely. Despite living with two people, I'm lonely. I get to hang out with my coworkers often and they're all cool people but those aren't really meaningful relationships. I don't have people that I can hang out with after work, or chat with, or call. But I spent so many years in isolation, I don't even know how to make friends. I think I have ADHD too which also might make those things harder for me (I heard that people with ADHD struggle with making friends and stuff). I lost every single school friend, even those that I considered to be close friends. I don't know if it's all my fault or if other people were at fault too. But for some reason almost no one wants to try to maitain a friendship with me and it's so upsetting.

I'm afraid of even looking for friends. I'm afraid of letting anyone know that I can't take care of myself, that I don't know the basics of adulthood. It is very embarrassing. I can't let people know that I'm like this, so helpless and clueless. Getting a boyfriend is completely out of the question at this point. I mean who the fuck would even want to love me romantically now? No one wants an adult baby. And this stings so fucking bad now because I've become infatuated with such a nice and funny guy and I haven't been able to think about anything else but him. If I could at least be friends with him, I would be so fucking happy.

I don't even feel alive to be honest. I'm just existing. I want to live, I want to meet new people, I want love and sex, I wanna go to concerts and find new hobbies. I want to make more art and improve my skills since it's my main hobby, I've always loved drawing. I want to try new mediums like painting or sculpting. I'd like to play some instrument too. But it feels out of reach now.

I really don't know what to do, where to start. I'm so lost.

I can't ask my parents for advice. I really wish I had someone who would teach me how to be a person, how to be an adult.

I don't want a life like this.

[thicctails]

"Viva la Viva, baby!"

So guess who watched Trolls 3 today~

Ngl, based on the trailers I had really low expectations for this movie, and it was really only after watching some TikToks with the villain song in them that I decided to give it a chance, and I'm so glad I did. 3 is by far my favourite of the entire series. Was not expecting to love Viva, but she was fantastic and I wish we had more screen time with her!

While I'm not entirely sure how I will/would integrate her into the Rough and Fluff AU, I decided to make a design for her anyways, complete with some little headcanons/additions. (Click the image for better quality)

More spoilery/AU discussions and 4th movie predictions below!

Okay okay, movie discussion first:

-I fucking LOVE the Putt Putt Trolls. Its so satisfying seeing how the trauma from the bergens being more fleshed out, and it makes perfect sense that they are as fearful as they are. I'm actually surprised there wasn't more pushback when Viva stopped them from executing Bridget and Gristle.

-(How did they escape actually? The tunnels collapsed, but were there other tunnels? Or did they have a different way out? How did so many, including the eldest heir to the throne, get left behind? Why did Peppy not get BOTH his daughter's immediately?)

-On the topic of Viva; notice how her ears are lower/sharper than Poppy's? I think that's typically a more masculine trait (not 100% bc we see some male trolls with softer/rounder ears) so uh yeah MTF Viva real suck my entire nards

-Fuck King Peppy. This guy gets worse every movie. He is the Dumbledoor/Sensi Wu of Trolls. Mans cannot just give Poppy relevant information to save his LIFE. I can understand not telling Poppy immediately, the grief of loosing his eldest daughter would understandably make that hard, but its been over 20 years now, and she deserved to know.

-Also, fuck most of Branch's brothers! I'm glad JD went back eventually (when exactly he did isn't clear, but sometime between the night of the escape and the first movie) but if he assumed Branch had died, why not try and contact his other siblings to tell them? Clay I can kinda understand with him not wanting to venture out beyond the mini golf area and leave the trolls he was helping to protect, but the rest of them? Not one of them tried to go back for their baby brother? Not even Floyd? When Trollstice was a thing?? Branch shoulda thrown hands fr.

-Rhonda the armadillo bus thing was hella cute and I want a plushie.

-I. Do not really like Crimp

-Velvet and Veneer slayed sooooooo hard. I hope Veneer makes a comeback.

-I also hope we see more of the other troll tribes again.

-The music for this movie was absolutely fire and I NEED a full cover of Sweet Dreams

-I wish the Grandma's death was touched on more than once for like .5 seconds. Like, come on guys, your brother just revealed a major trauma, and that your GRANDMA died!! For christ sake, maybe go apologize for fighting?? maybe go comfort him????

Movie numero 4 predictions:

-Broppy marriage. Branch fr said "Lets get married" by accident HES THINKING ABOUT IT

-Either Poppy/Viva get their mom back, or Branch gets one/both of his parents. Dreamworks will pull some bullshit out of their ass and say that uhm actually they escaped like years before the others did and have been, idk, trapped in the shadow realm or something.

-We see Chef/Creek again. Creek redemption ark would go crazy hard IF DONE RIGHT and I want to see that fear of some monster trying to eat all your friends come back again

-Broppy kid reveal at the end of the movie. Unbelievable amounts of Plush Toy Marketing and terrible spin offs ensue.

-backstory/lore/backstory/lore/backstory/lore/BACK

-I just want to see more Trollstice era stuff plz dreamworks

-We get a Sound of Silence reprise

-Branch/his brothers are revealed to be a hybrid/some kind of special troll. I am TELLING YOU this guy adapted to different kinds of music like it was NOTHING, something Poppy and the others struggled with. Hes got something in him I SWEAR

-Tiny diamond is, once again, part of the main supporting characters

Au shiz:

-If Viva IS put in, its going to most likely be during the sequel. Peppy is already going to be dragged through the mud, might have him mention something about a lost sibling near the end of the OG fic, and since the Pop trolls will be looking for a new home, maybe they'll run into her

-Branch's brothers will not be making an appearance. They simply dont fit into the narrative. I may do an alternate au with them included but who knows.

-Mildly considering making Tiny Diamond a Greek kid. (Guy x Creek) would make for some interesting angst.

[ilkkawhat]

tagged by @room-665 and @judyalvqrez, thank you both!💜💜💜💜

last song: Children of the Elder God by Old Gods of Asgard--in full. After that I was skipping through songs as I pulled into my neighborhood and driveway lol. honestly still seems like AW soundtrack music is like, the one thing I never skip since I got into it last November.

favourite color: Purple!

currently reading: House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, have been for a while lol I gotta get back on it. My mom got a bit of a kick out of seeing me moving the book around and flipping to the back and such 😂

currently watching: Series wise, nothing really since I finished Sorjonen...I've been just kinda watching a lot of youtube videos or movies. Been thinking about getting back into Only Murders in the Building (I watched the first two seasons I think? Maybe the 3rd? See I just gotta start over lol) and then watching Poromafia for my next Ilkka series (beyond just skimming), and I'm probably gonna start Interview With a Vampire sooner or later cause it's all over my dash EDIT: FUCK i forgot I'm watching Star Trek Enterprise! very slowly, I watch it while I chill downstairs with my dog when my parents go out shopping (he's got bad separation anxiety and is not allowed to go up the stairs anymore for his safety so I just go to him)

last movie: Rewatched Hell House 2 in full, started watching Butterfly Kisses last night but couldn't stay up to finish it. Trying to get in the mood for spooky season and last year I got really into the found footage sub-genre.

sweet, spicy or savory: Savory...not good with spicy (lol says a woman who works with chipotle peppers. We mill dehydrated pods and it was so strong the other day I legit threw up on my way out) but on a mild level I'm okay with it. Do like sweet stuff but I do have limits with it.

relationship status: Single, probably always gonna be that way and that's fine lol. But if I happen to meet someone maybe I won't be as much of a coward as I have been with other potential relationships I could have had...it also sucks cause I can't say I'm surrounded with the most pleasant relationships (my parents especially)

current obsession: Primarily Alan Wake, secondary Ilkka Villi and really just the Remedy Verse as a whole--I think work's just beating me down too much to enjoy really anything right now but god do I just crave for the atmosphere and aesthetic of Alan Wake 2 right now

tea or coffee: Coffee though I'm not against tea at all and will admit I haven't drank as much coffee as I used to, I stopped during one summer cause it was too hot and I think I may have lost my idk taste? tolerance? for black coffee but I do get iced french vanilla coffee from mcdonalds like once a week lol. (really I just drink a lot of celsius for my daily caffiene fix)

the last thing i googled: Rune Factory 5 cause I saw it's on sale on the Nintendo e-shop and I'm debating getting it even though I have tons of other games I should be playing and let's be real, I'm just gonna continue playing Alan Wake 2 for the tenth time tomorrow instead of even playing the recently bought Star Wars Outlaws 😂😂 but RF5 is like, 20 bucks and that's the cheapest I've ever seen it so it can't hurt just to get it in the library and maybe start it later

breaking the tag chain but if anybody wants to do this, go for it and say I tagged you

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas career advice anon again

so a few days i slowly started bringing up the fact that i didn't really like the stem subjects with my mom and she just went "Do humanities study history and geography in 11 and 12 or maybe you can even study *my second language*" in like a dismissive type of joking way bc somehow it's turned into a running joke in my family about how i constantly get better marks in non stem subjects and how i should just go study them instead (derogatorily) and yeah i had plans to do stem and had those plans for a majority of my life but my parents treat humanities as just history and geography and therefore pretty useless. like i get that in our country, you're more likely to be better off if you take stem and probably even in the world in general but law is still pretty respectable and even if it wasn't law, but something else that was non stem, it shouldn't have been like such a big deal. i mean i could probably do well if i genuinely tried but i don't even like the stem subjects anymore so it's pointless. i just need to make it through next year and i can completely turn my back on it. i want to tell my parents by the end of 9th grade so they have some time to readjust their views by the time our subject selection for 11th grade happens. except judging by their reactions, i don't know how they'll take it. i don't think it'll be easy but i have to give them that time, especially if i need to convince them. also our school operates through a system of four electives besides our compulsory language classes from 11th grade and legal studies happens to be in the same bracket as physics so i'm keeping my fingers crossed about being able to take legal studies instead of physics.

i told my parents today. they have been going on about how i'm so unmotivated to study physics (they didn't know so yeah) and if my career goals had changed i should just tell them, so i did to get them off my back. they were understandably shocked bc who wouldn't be when they found out that their daughter had changed her mind about her career in two weeks after wanting to do something for practically her entire life. my mom wants (very badly) for me to continue with science after 10th grade and prepare for the law entrance exam on the side but my dad says he's fine with me leaving science for law of i'm absolutely sure about taking it bc science is very intensive in our country after 10th grade so it doesn't make sense for me to take it, not do well, and fuck up all my future prospects. my mom thinks i'm getting scared of science bc they're concerned about me not doing well recently and see, i'm kinda scared bc i'm concerned but that's not the only reason. my dad also wants me to go to a trial and see what the system in our country is like just in case i don't get to go abroad and have to work here before i make my decision, which is fair, considering that my country sucks in most aspects. however, my mom. that's a different matter altogether bc she says that she doesn't care if i want to do something other than science but she's of the very strong opinion that i should still continue with science until i graduate high school. she's like, "but you understand physics and you're smart your grades are just low because you don't practice." like, i don't practice because i find it boring and procrastinate because of that. my dad agreed with her because he's been teaching me physics for a month now after my practically failed midterm. i get that they're concerned about what could happen if i didn't like legal studies after i took it bc i can't retake science if i leave it once right? one of my friends left it and now she hates the subject she took instead of it. both she and my parents are concerned because what if that happens to me too, but see, even if i don't like it, i'd still be good at it because it plays to my strengths. that's the difference between legal studies and physics. and i made the rookie mistake of bringing up what one of my friends who's friends with a lot of seniors said about science being intensive. my parents said that i should think it over carefully and that this discussion is being tabled for when the decision has to be made, something which i want to avoid because then i won't have a lot of time to convince them. also, a legit conversation i had with my mom today:

mom: i always thought you were smart but now i'm rethinking it

me: why because i want to leave science?

mom: no because you're being too influenced by your friends (all my friends plan on leaving science or have already left it)

me: no i'm leaving science because i want to, not because of anything they said

mom: *my friend* said that science is intensive in 11 and 12 and you're basing your decision off that

me: she's friends with seniors and it honestly is

mom: yeah but millions of people take it every year and give the *engineering entrance exam*

me (in my native language): will you continue this until i take science or what

then she got mad and left. see, i'm just genuinely done with physics and without it, i can't take any of the stem field entrance exams. i always liked law, but since i wanted to go abroad and move around, i was concerned about retaking the bar every time, but now that i'm older and have actually researched it, i think it would suit me well. i get that my parents want me to keep my options open for the future and focus on the GCSE equivalents that i have next year, but i'm getting very frustrated especially because they keep saying that i understand physics well so they don't see why i want to drop it, especially my mom, and while i know that they only want what they think is the best for me, i'd genuinely appreciate it if they respected my decision and stopped asking me to reconsider it carefully. this was one of the major reasons as to why i didn't want to tell them, because while they've not explicitly said that they're against me dropping science, but they've made it very clear that i should continue to take it and how legal studies won't be easier either but like, my life, my choice except they don't seem to get it and they're getting on my nerves rn.

i'm sorry ik it's like way too long but i kinda just needed to rant

Hi!

You're always welcome to rant <3

It sounds like your dad is being a bit more reasonable than your mom? I would try to talk with him more, to be honest. Continue sharing your feelings and see if he can kind of come over to your side. Having an adult ally is always nice. Also, I think it's a great idea to see some real trials and stuff if you can! I know your dad might be wanting you to do it to 'be sure' but from an experience perspective, that's a really cool thing to talk about in future interviews.

I'm proud of you for sticking to your decision and doing what YOU want. Remember, even if you change your mind later, do it for YOU. Its your life, not anyone else's.

[masonscig]

speaking of rebecca, am i the only one who's kind of surprised by the amount of people who hate her (valid) while also seeming to love bobby (also valid, but feels contradictory here)?

like, i can completely understand both of those takes, don't get me wrong (full disclosure of my two detectives on bobby's route carrie has a good relationship with bobby and rebecca, and avery all but hates them both) but considering rebecca's absentness and manipulative tendencies tend to be what turn people off from her it's kinda strange to see some of those same people uwuify bobby who, as an ex in particular, is explicitly stated as being manipulative to the MC during their relationship using them for information, clout, and straight up stealing their work in college. and while i get the appeal of them being like, the one anti-copaganda figure in the series now with how book 3 ends, but this is also the same bobby who to this point has canonically: been an incredibly manipulative partner in college and has continued post-breakup, has stalked the MC basically once a book, bugged their office in book 1, forced their way into the mc's apartment in book 2, tries to coerce them MC into sex to loosen their tongue on multiple occasions included multiple tries after the mc's made it clear they're no longer interested, and can be directly called out for trying to take advantage of the detectives emotional state during the kidnappings to get more info despite showing little to no sympathy for the victims being taken. even if there's good intentions there nothing about that is healthy even considering their respective careers (maybe even less so because of them).

again, not trying to bash either side of it, i guess i'm just trying to figure where people draw that line? to me they're both emotionally manipulative individuals who are trying to repair what they had with the mc to some degree and protect them, but don't know how to do it without being manipulative. they mirror each other in a lot of ways yet one seems to get a free pass more often than the other. idk maybe i'm just rambling but thanks for giving a place to do it <3

oh i LOVE this ask – and no problem at all! ramble on bestie i love reading your thoughts! <3

 i'm gonna put my response under the cut bc i have Thoughts

i do think it's wild to see how much more willing people are to forgive (is that the right phrasing? maybe tolerate is better here) bobby's behavior over rebecca's, but i think i can understand why to a certain degree

so, to clarify before i say anything, i think both of them fucking suck and should not be in mc's life for multiple reasons. bad mother, bad partner, bad friend, whatever, honestly they're doing more harm than good – it's mainly because they both aren't willing to correct their behaviors. you could argue that rebecca is, because she says it, but she doesn't do anything about it. she just says she's going to be a better mom like saying it out loud will make it true

[also i'm rereading the stuff i wrote, and this is from the perspective of someone who only picks 'have a bad relationship with rebecca' for their detectives, so take all my rambling with that in mind!]

but i think the reason rebecca cuts a lot deeper is because there's a different kind of love you're supposed to experience from either relationship. (i'm saying this generally bc from your ask i'm sure we're on the same page ab this !! it's hard to put this into words because i know that people (this includes me) have a lot of complex feelings about parental/spousal love and what standards you should have for either.

("dump him/her!" and "go no contact!" crowd, i'm sorry but i'm not heading in that direction LMAO)

for me, rebecca falls flat in a million ways, because she's trying to make up for years of being an absent parent with empty promises she's yet to fulfill. i know it takes time, as repairing any relationship does, but it does seem like she's approaching it almost in a selfish way, like mc's forgiveness will atone for the years she missed out on, when that's not even close to how these things work. and now with mc working closer with her? it'll restrain the relationship even more before it even gets to start.

she definitely doesn't think she's intending to be manipulative, but she is, by guilt tripping mc at different points throughout the series – but no matter what her intent is, the point is, she was supposed to be a loving mother to her child, and instead of leaning into that, she leaned away. she allowed her child to grow up without two parents instead of one, when unconditional love is the standard for any parent. taking out the whole "rebecca is a working parent" thing, bc that's totally okay, there's ways she could be there for her child that she just. wasn't.

instead of "my love for my child takes priority over my grief for my husband" it turned into "my grief for my husband takes priority over my love for my child" – and that's not okay.

i think bobby is bad, but at the very least, i think being fucked over and abandoned by a partner is a different kind of betrayal than having an absent parent – let me put it this way: if you have an awful romantic partner, you can move on from that by being shown what a "better" relationship looks like. that's what's happening in canon with mc, their ro, and their li. but... if mc has an awful parent (rebecca), then what's replacing that parental love? familial love from ub? that's all good and well (incredible, even), but that's not the same as love from a mother that's there but chooses not to be, you know? (also, please note, take this for as it is, because i think love comes in all shapes and forms – and i believe that you don't need a certain love to live happily, i'm just talking hypothetically about these fictional characters LMAO)

also, i think that if you choose to have a good relationship with rebecca, it's still not a good look – i said this in another ask, but i think that rebecca approaching certain situations the same way regardless of her relationship with mc feels intentional, whether or not m*shka intended that to happen. it's further proof that rebecca won't (can't, isn't willing to) change i think

i feel like this ask got away from me bc i started thinking less about people forgiving rebecca/bobby and more about why i think rebecca is worse SORRY DGKMMDKGKMG

OKAY i need to stop myself bc i know i have a lot of thoughts and i could probably talk forever about this but i am shutting the fuck up now LMFAO

[autistichalsin]

I am really annoyed at RL bullshit right now and I want to rant about it but I don't want to trauma dump.

I guess the vaguest version I can give is that my mom has CONSISTENTLY favored my sister my whole life- her favorite is my sister, then my older brother, then a tie between my little brother and me- and yet every time she and my dad get themselves in a stupid situation, I'm the one who ends up bailing them out.

I do love them, and my mom and I worked really hard to repair our relationship now that she's sober and she's a much better person and I can tell she like... doesn't hate me anymore like she did back when I was a teen and she was drinking (fuck I hope that doesn't sound as pathetic typing it up as it did in my head because if so, ooof sorry). Like she's a good person now and everything. But she still favors my sister and it still pisses me off to see my sister being an objectively terrible person, a selfish person, who honestly treats my mom like shit, and STILL be the one my mom drops everything for, when I'm the one who... *gestures*

Like... it's not as onesided as it used to be I guess? My folks bailed me out a few times when I was having money troubles this summer and I don't want to sound ungrateful for it. But it just sucks to be here trying REALLY hard to help out my folks when they need stuff, and then turn around and still see my mom praising my sister for doing the bare minimum, getting mad that I am still upset at REALLY hurtful stuff my sister did to me when my sister was on drugs...... yeah. I don't know.

Like. I'm graduating with my masters degree in spring and she's straight up not coming. Because she doesn't like flying and it's "too far to drive". She didn't come when I graduated with my bachelors degree either, though she insists that was because of COVID.

And then there's the fact that back when I was living with my parents, when I got my community college degree- the one and only graduation ceremony they went to (not even high school) and even that was because it was a literal ten minute drive- my mom started hysterically crying two days before. Because she was upset it was me graduating and not my sister. And like... that was back when she was drinking but that shit still hurts yo.

So... *sigh*. Once again I'm watching my mom do The Most for my sister who doesn't care about ANYONE but herself and I'm just here knowing mom is never going to show up for me the way she does for her, and, well, yeah. That whole "scapegoat who is also the family caregiver" dynamic. That one. That one is me. And it just kinda sucks.

It would be nice if just one time she was like. There. For something important to me. But she's never going to be, and... it sucks. Especially because if not for her refusing, I know my dad WOULD hop on a plane to come see me/graduation. In a heartbeat. So her inability to make an effort means neither of them are going to see it.

Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know, but it just hurts sometimes I guess.

[nanowired-lover]

Forgetting previous tag vent but I gotta ramble about All Saints Street fr !!! Send help !!

Disclaimer : so far, i just watched the donghua and i saw some part of the manhua here and there. And got some infos from fanfics bc i couldn't wait fr

Plus I don't watch a lot of animes, like maybe one every year/2 years, which explain the big feels-

Also I was genuinely surprised by it ? Bc even if i knew it was a goofy and good small donghua from what I heard, I thought a lot of things would be kinda... one dimensional.

(i added more in the reblogs lmao)

All Saints Street is so fucking cute i can't

Especially the angel and demon crew.

I was so happy when I noticed that Neil, all cute, good-hearted and clumsy was sometimes a bit of a savage, especially with his brother in the manhua (deserved ngl, even if Nick was just trying his best and thought he was helping, he sucked at it).

Same for Lily, i loved the fact that she's a battle angel, and mischievious, and not only the straight A student little miss perfect. She's no perfect cutie pie and little me would have relate to her or Neil SOOOOO much.

Neil and Lily are really a nd4nd ship lmao.

And Lynn !! I love that even if he doesn't approve the fact that Neil is crushing on his sister and he's protective, and that he's tired of the mess of Neil and his brother are doing, he doesn't hate Neil. He even likes him, bc he likes young people and Neil is so sweet and full of good.

And same with his relationship with Nick !! I thought this ship was going to be a bit too cliché for me but. They fight and bickers but- Lynn gets genuinely touched when Nick didn't forget his birthday and even gave him a good gift like. It's smh realistic ?? They can tolerate each other (from what i saw in the manhua too) and even spent good time with each other but they are both adults and dumb as fuck with feelings.

I really see Lynn not only as a character, but a strictly catholic-raised autistic bisexual man with a lot of childhood neglect that he's trying to compensate by being overly protective of his sister and loved ones.

Now that I think about it, especially with his "there's not bad student, only bad teachers" thing, he's making me think of my uncle but less anxious 💀

Then Nick. Bro this man stole my heart but that's probably due to the denial I had about liking him at first. I genuinely thought i wasn't going to like him as much as I do rn ?? He looked like "just" a smug mischevious kinda OP bastard and that's it. And even if those characters are cool and I like them, I didn't think more about it. BUT BROOOOO HE'S PATHETIC /pos

He isn't OP at all, he's a bit stupid, and probably the queerest mofo of the serie. And he genuinely thought he was helping is lil brother, and he genuinely likes Lynn. It's a bit of "pulling pigtails for attention" situation ngl, and it's funny for once. He cares ! He's a lot and smug about it !

Also, I haven't read the manhua yet, but from what I saw, I hold no sympathy for his father 💀💀💀 bro left his kid and asks him to get him out off trouble and makes him believe that he cares about him and DUUUUDE i'm so mad that Nick still loves his dad. Not in a "it's a bad trope" way, but more like in a "it's actually realistic but rn i see my friend who took years to realise how bad and abusive was their relationship with their parents and same for me and my mom" way. Like I wanna punch the man far from Nick so much.

Maybe I'm wrong and I'm missing stuff but >:( fuck his dad

Also idk if it's a canon thing but the whole commitment issues from Nick makes sense and my angsty decided to obviously blame his father lmao

Like he kinda wants to be like his father bc of his blind admiration but also... "no, dad didn't leave bc of Neil" and the unsaid "he left bc of me" that a lot of person in his situation have probably thought at one point in their life sadly, which makes him scared of people genuinely loving him. y-yeah... i love being sad /j

Also lmao. Nick is babygirl.

(the pic at the bottom)

Oh and it was S2 ep10 lmao-

[formula-fun]

“Not a happy story”?????????

I was already really worried the last time you said the last chapter was going to be so full of angst. Now I’m just really really worried at the possible sequel.

Forgot to say hi first lol. Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Though I suppose overall for me who is a “life sucks so much already I’m not reading angst in my spare time”, rreereading your story so many times has sort of trained(?) me for it, because I kind of know that sitting through the pain only gave me such sweet intimacy later.

Or maybe we just have different understanding of angst? Because for me once they have established the foundation of trust that “no matter what happens we are going to be here for each other, for the championships, the pregnancies, the parenting, the long-distance relationship and the so sweet life together” , then is just growing into themselves, growing up, and growing stronger. Not to mention even if said foundation was not acknowledged out loud (yet?) they are still actually actively trying to baby trap each other hahahaha.

So I was just sort of doing rereads and calmly waiting for the next chapters, now you say the sequel(if it happens) is going to be not happy?????? They have a baby! That’s grounds for a happy story(in fiction) right???? Right??

Haha in truth I’m just ready for anything you decide really.

Hopefully your projects are coming along better, I studied finance and maths which were in no way as stressful as architecture, and I still jumped between “if they want my (tuition) money they would let me graduate right?” “What was I thinking picking this subject my brain is not built for this” and “just let me die” most of the time. Of course you would pull through!!!!!!

Xxxxxxoooooooxxxxxxooooo

Hahha helloooo!! i love that my askbox is known to be a place to say hi now dkdfjdfkjdjk dear random person somewhere in the world we are at the same stoplight and i am waving at you from my car <3 This got super long so ill put a cut line

Hmm so I think maybe angst was the wrong word then! its not gonna be a happy story in the sense that the plot wont be 'max and charles live happily ever after with a baby', theres still going to be some shit going on. Ur 100% right that there's always sweetness scattered in within that, it's not just angst for the sake of angst, and they'll at least be able to outright support each other in the sequel without like jumping through hoops to quantify what they are to each other or whatever. So in that sense maybe what i mean is more that it won't be a fun fairytale epilogue kind of vibe, there will still be stuff they need to figure out?

also this is going to sound so pretentious im so sorry but the first two fics are heavily heavily written around the idea of gender. if you cut max and charles out of the entire rest of it it's just a story about two equals who love each other and are trying to find a common language to communicate that, but once you add in gender roles and expectations and judgement it all becomes this huge fucking mess even though the core of it is something so simple. the sequel is probably going to be kind of similar, but more along the lines of defining what a family is to them outside of their own expectations or trauma. so ya sorry to summarize theres room for intimacy and happiness and love and all that but there's also a heaviness if that makes sense. Kinda like what we have now

they also have just basic issues honestly. newborns cant really fly so max cant travel with charles for a lot of the beginning of the season. charles wants to be home as much as he can but he's kinda torn between his family and his job. they miss each other! the baby misses her mom!! kinda screws with everyones head a little, especially max who grew up without a mother! they try their best but its just hard sometimes my friend

and thank youuuuu honestly that's where i'm at with school rn!! we had 3 more hours of presentations yesterday (had to do the project over the weekend) and literally as soon as the last group was done we got assigned 3 versions of a 5 floor apartment building which we have to present tomorrow? this on top of the essay due today, the other one due thursday and the third one due next tuesday??? me and my friends just looked at each other in silence and apparently we were all fantasizing about dropping out djfkdfkjdfj they're trying to weed out our class rn though and im sorry but if admin want me gone theyre going to have to kill me

anyway thank you so much my dear!!! im sorry this is one big long ramble but hopefully it answered your questions!!

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

Vivi loved that post of Joseph x reader! Ooh it’s good to have some Joseph love as well!

Pfft literature classes I was good at but at the same time I don’t even know how because I still don’t know what a conjunction is. Have faith in your creations!

Dude that had to be awkward especially also having to avoid people who try to make you go to work again before your break is even up.

Kinda but I know I can barely do much not to mention I need more proof and I doubt it change there attitudes for long. I just have to be smarter now to get them off my back.

Oooh movie night then! Makes sense are you guys sensitive also about that or more just hear it? Makes sense everyone had there limits.

I can understand your viewpoint. I wasn’t raising my sister really since school and my mom wanted to make sure I didn’t have to go through what she had but I was really young as well but I have respect for siblings who do have to play parent because it’s hard. Raising your siblings as well having also a mindset of a child still can really mess it up because your brain isn’t developed all the way yet and not to mention already having school to worry about is just hard. Not to mention hearing “ I hate you.” Is different for a child than a parent especially how they handle it. I would’ve start crying if I had to deal with that since I was struggling with my self esteem at the time as well. It’s understandable, you stepped up but you aren’t perfect so sometimes people do things that they regret but you were there for them and I’m sure they are grateful you gave a shit about them. I see. I see vivi and it was unfair of a situation especially having to worry about things like that. But I’m glad you learned and grown as a person and you admit it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It sucks that you didn’t have another parental figure as well to help with the family and you have the right to be mad about that. But in the end at least you have more stability now and I’m sure your family is glad for what you have done for them. I’m always hear vivi to listen and I maybe not always understand but I will listen. Because that’s what friends are for. And if you ever want to talk privately just ask so I can give you my account here on tumblr. Though make sure not to post it since I’m not ready to go all public with more nsfw content right now.

On a lighter note vivi what did you expect the public to Vote when you said if you should make more smut or not? Everyone horny and honestly your smut fucking delivers so get ready to hear the filthy simps in your comments! Though I can’t deny I’m excited about what you cook up next with your next work so can’t wait!

Galaxy!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕 I was just thinking about you! How are you?? I hope your doing okay!

I'm glad you liked it! I had a Joesph itch that just needed to be scratched 💕

HONESTLY ME FUCKING EITHER BUT IM PASSING!! ah, thank you! I try to but sometimes I overthink. There is so much deleted work because of it.

Well, we went home for our two weeks so if my supervisor asked me to stay and I said no I just went home and forgot about it. It only got weird when she asked me if I would work extra hours lol.

Ah, I see. I hope it either goes well for you or your situation improves. Work is already hell you shouldn't have coworkers making it worse.

Hell yeah! We could do it on discord! My mom isn't as sensitive as I am due to her working in the medical field. Me on the other a real-life deep cute makes me cringe and shiver, and I have to look away.

Honestly, the school was another thing that suffered. Yes, I graduated on time, but not with the best grades, and only because I poured HOURS into credit recovery. I missed so much school that I'm surprised they didn't call the cops. Not all of it was because I had to stay with my siblings, but looking back I think it was because I never had me time it was always school and then being a parent. So I faked being sick to have that me time I wanted. Thank you, Galaxy that means a lot, and the same goes for you. I will always be happy to hear or help you in any way I can and feel free to private message me for anything 💕💕

Lol I'll tell you a secret. I got the idea during my all night marathon. I was reading this really good dmc fic, and it sparked this idea that I hope everyone will like. On top of that I think my smut writing could use some work. I struggle sometimes.

[habitneedstod1e]

To my grandparents who so desperately want to be our parents

Aug 9

I fucking hate you, Tim. I said that once as a pissed off little kid and regretted it now I will say it again, but with no remorse, as you dangle the threat of homelessness over our heads, knowing what we've fucking been through the past few years is fucking diabolical. You treat us as if we are still little girls not wanting to face reality and see we have grown but you expect us to be adults and do adult things like jobs you have only had three different jobs and you have only had one it is different now and its more difficult to get a job but no "teens do not want to work." We do its that your generation put this place into the fucking ground and thats somehow our fault. You get mad when we express ourselves we haven't decorated our room since the fifth grade. He can't even practice his sabbaths, and I can't dress how I want or look how I want without you both giving the most meanest looks like I have five heads. You don't even care that he needs to have a cane or wheelchair when he truly does you deaf ass needs hearing aids but we don't talk about that. You say we need help but look at us as if we are nut cases when we show mental health issues.

Like when I was having an autistic meltdown you hit me for hitting myself and said stop like I was a fucking dog. You don't treat people like that without them resenting you don't be surprised when we yell back as you know of our pasts but elect to ignore it when it comes to that. You act like a pissy bitch I will act as one right back tenfold. You are surprised when we sleep all the time and such from depression why? As if you haven't known this for fucking years and you somehow this it will be by the books you read by people who aren't even mentally unwell. It won't. It never has. You laugh at me as I say I cannot sleep and have to sleep with a fucking knife just to feel safe because of paranoia and laugh when I ask you to move or do something with the fucking sunflower that you somehow in your infinite knowledge put right outside our fucking window and it hits it so my paranoia thinks HE is breaking in to kill us but no that's fine. Those fucking papers you put out are fucking diabolical you are worthy of my hate for how you have treated me for YEARS do you remember the day after Thanksgiving when you said I was unlovable. I was 7. I hid away from you all day and later you took me to a basketball game and to Tim's to apologize but you never did apologize. You never have. When you wouldn't stop acting like that a drove me to cut myself all over and all  you said I love you that's not what someone who is supposed to love you does they are supposed to apologize for their wrongs like you force me to.

Sep 1

I would like to see them try to get a job in this day and age they like to say my mom was lazy for not getting one for 1 1/2 years but she was fuckin trying David wouldn't let her but that's her fault apparently and that she should have left him earlier and that's also her fault like do you know how fucing hard it is to leave a shitty borderline abusive boyfriend it's hella hard but they don't fucking get it as much as they say they do they don't. They just don't. Like I can't just go to a fucking trade school even if I qualify for assistance it is still too expensive even to get a fucking used car is expensive but they don't get that. I'm starting to see why mom doesn't like her that much I see why she's so argumentive and shit like always getting dismissed about serious shit that's important to you fucking sucks ass. I legit can't be myself I'm always looked at weird for everything its always so disturbing the way I dress act my interests and shit like I'm not a little girl anymore accept it already I'm not going back just because you don't fucking like it get the fuck over it cry me a river a build a bridge or some shit fuck me man my dad can accept it my mom kinda can why can't you is it because you want me to be that scared little girl again? That's not happening not again.

Sep 27th

it's my fault for you getting mad that my phone charms got caught on my hand and it somehow looks like I threw it I get you pay for the fucking thing but to hit me for it is fucking awful it's an object I AM A PERSON THAT YOU CLAIM TO LOVE I don't think you do I show any signs or symptoms of mental illness and I'm suddenly evil and unloveable its always my fucking fault anyways this isn't love all you do is criticize me and get mad when I say to stop but once again it's my fault always your the adult and I'm still that stupid fucking child you only see me as that little girl you FUCKING HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING DOG AGAIN im done they turned off the wifi and took our phone so I can't talk to fucking anyone loves this 

[kindchenschema]

even their canon ones get sloppy treatment like helm/yasuda? incredible was a waste (why is helm even still there they clearly don’t give af about her) and monica/amelia never gave anything but blah. although i would take blah over the winston shit that was horrible. ik ur rejoicing 😭 bc you want kaimelia back and i love that for you (would love someone other than cristina to uphold their child free stance but im rooting for them resolve the kid thing) but i also don’t trust the writers not to slip a male in there while amelia ‘figures’ things out for like, that bisexual ‘rep’ or something idk. just a vibe i get.

also i so agree about catherine. they’ve always written her as cartoonishly evil but the actress pulls it off so well. everyone hates her but mean women are sexy sustain me and she’s never shit on my fave so she’s okay in my book idc lol. i kinda found everyone else boring this ep. jo/link esp. they need to be written off sooo badly because literally who gives a fuck. duller than dirt and idgaf about their fetus either like but other than zola and tuck, the kids on this show add absolutely nothing. 2/3

i'm honestly not that offended at how they treat lesbian ships because isn't that just... how they treat everything? bc the writing sucks and they won't touch the very sensible advice of "follow through with a storyline" with a ten foot pole. so

(but i think that's because 95% of my ships have never been canon and never will be, so i'm used to it. let's face it i'm simply more enlightened than the writers 😌)

oh girl i was cackling... i mean as a lesbian i was like damn y'all really baited us for the whole season (well they did like. the bare minimum. but) just to have her end up with this man .. like hmm okay supercorp if it did not slay and they had no chemistry and you bought katie mcgrath from wish

yes, back in s19 i fully believed they would resolve the kid thing. because i mean kaimelia's whole thing is that they're not an "ordinary" couple, like with amelia's speech to teddy about things not needing to be defined in order to be loved etc. like, scout already has two parents, sure it wouldn't be the traditional way of doing things but just bc you're dating someone who's a mom doesn't mean you also need to become a mom/dad. imo at least (but i know literally nothing and maybe this is wishful thinking because i'm only into 45 year olds)

you're so right, like nobody wants to watch that 😭 let amelia shepherd eat pussy 2k24 !

i'm like very anti-children and i hate that all my favs have kids EXCEPT for meredith/zola. i love zola. ever since she came onto the show she was the only kid i could tolerate and i grew to love her even. like she was sooo cute, so smart, never caused any trouble, i loved her adoption storyline, and now as a tween/teen she's also super adorable and a GENIUS like hello?? she rlly became a fav of mine these recent seasons because of the giftedness storyline and how the actress pulled it off (PLUS she's the OG merluca hater like it was sooo funny how much she hated his guts and ALSO inch resting how, when addison visited, she was super sweet and kind to her like ok zola really said meddison rights ! )

tldr she's just the superior grey's kid 🙌

[darkroomofsecrets]

I'm really stressed rn because I feel like I've been overwhelming myself with work and school and family and friends and relationships for a long time and its finally catching up to me...I don't get how people have time for everything while remaining sane.

I was just reflecting on how the past couple years ive become this person that is constantly overworking myself and can't allow myself to just relax and spend a day doing nothing without feeling guilty and it's so weird because I know this is who I am now but at the same time I barely recognize myself as this kind of person. it's so strange because a lot of the people in my life now have told me they admire this about me, but I'm still accepting that this is who I am. like my therapist told me a while ago that she could tell from the moment she met me that I'm the type of person who has to have my life together because if at any point I feel like my life isn't in control than it makes me spiral due to me learning as a child that the only person I can rely on is myself. and though I agree, I never thought about how I wasn't actually this way until a few years ago, and I'm just now realizing why.

for most of my teen years/early adulthood I relied on my ex on a lot and allowed him to be there for me because like any normal bf, he was there for me. until he wasn't. lol. and I think that retriggered my childhood abandonment wounds, reinforcing the idea that the only person there for me is myself and the only person I can rely on is myself. because if the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, my parents and my bf at the time (who was part of my life for 1/3 of my life), have showed me that they aren't there for me then... obviously that's going to have an affect on me lol. and to add on to that my mom acting like it was the end of the world that I had to move back into my room that she converted into her "office/craft room" when I told her I broke up with my bf and needed to get out of our apartment asap...literally fuck everyone lmfao the only person that has consistently been there for me is my grandma. except she did make a comment about wanting to visit my ex at his job because "I love him he didn't do anything to me". obviously she doesn't know about everything leading up to me breaking up with him and how he's acted since but it still kinda sucks. it just shows that she is genuine and really loved and cared about him, even though he doesn't deserve it. but the fact that all of this has turned me into this hyper-independent person that has no time for anyone makes a lot of sense.

in one sense, I'm glad all this happened and has taught me that the only person I have is myself. because I am actually working towards building a life I deserve and want now. but in another sense, I don't want to be the type of person that blocks all connections and builds walls between themselves and other people because they're scared of getting hurt. there's a fine line between being busy and working on yourself and being stuck in a hyper-independent, trust-no-one mindset and I'm really trying to not cross that line. but sometimes I wonder if my priorities are out of wack. like I'm 25 and not as far in life as I would like to be because I fucked around too much when I was younger and now I feel like I have to make up for it and do as much as I can until I reach those goals. but also I'm still somewhat young and feel like I should be prioritizing friendships and allowing myself to make romantic connections but its hard to do that while being in school and working. also...I did work on my and prioritize my relationship for most of the last 10 years of my life and look where it got me...idk I'm Lost