#also my back hurts really bad and i havent been keeping up with my physical therapy exercises but i also feel like i just dont have the time

[gooboogy]

I really hope someday I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. It would be so nice to have a savings. Maybe even be able to travel to somewhere cool and exotic like my backyard

[fxirybun]

are there really multiple physical versions of ourselves? not just dopplegangers but u could be different to how u currently are but this version of me seems the only version and it sucks cause i feel like people dont know how to reciprocate what i expect them too if im upset at them they dont like it if im happy they also dont like it if i remember something someone did guess what? they dont want to remember their past behaviours.

so i feel like sometimes this is the only version of reality there is because I havent seen anyone be any different and I have kinda been stuck in this reality because ppl dont want me to thrive cause no matter what I try nothings been a success for me thus far. so im wondering now if theres another reality where I mightve had more success or maybe different type of parenting where they couldve had more empathy lmao it seems a common theme in people lacking basic understandings of problems they cause for others that still affect others later on. i often am told to just "get over something" yh bc they have such a great social circle but i dont. sorry for ranting but im stuck and i dont feel comfortable reaching out to people in current times cause i feel like many folk are mainly fragile egoists who only want to benefit themselves. they dont care if they hurt someone or prevent an opportunity or make it about themselves. have u had such experiences?

that reminded me of the egg theory that i stumbled upon on tiktok. we can't expect someone to treat us fairly these days since most of the time they'll usually focus on themselves whilst they can and would do anything to take advantage of someone in order for them to gain something.

i came to a realization back in middle school that people will only treat you poorly if you degrade or underestimate yourself. i remember letting myself be secluded from my peers due to my low self-esteem and how it reflected it based on how i showed myself outside. this led others to assume that i'm shy or weak which was considered a "bad image" during that time. because of it , i ended up receiving poor treatment and just like you i feel frustrated since i didn't do anything wrong to them.

when i decided to change myself and did it the other way around that's when i'm receiving the treatment that i've wanted: to be respected. there would be an instance wherein i cannot keep up with the persona i made outside my small bubble since i'm an introvert at heart and i tend to be an awkward person. when i'm with someone alone it would be dead silence unless there's another person around who knows how to start a topic. it bothered me at first but i got used to it due to me embracing this side of myself.

did i regret doing it ? not at all since i know how to balance it + i get to recharge my social battery once i'm in my room. humans are known to be social creatures and cannot stand alone , i learned it the hard way. this is one of the reasons why i socialize with everyone because it's hard to be by yourself especially in times when you need help. moreover , you also get to meet other groups of people who are on the same vibration as you along the way ^_-

to conclude , there's still a way to change the version of yourself in this reality ! if i can do it , then so can you ⸜( ◜࿁◝ )⸝ there's a trial and error on my part but that didn't stop me from committing it because i don't want to live in this vicious cycle. i also learned back when i was 14-15 ish that i'm the only person who can help myself and that i cannot rely too much on someone in other situations. it is my problem that i need to face , not theirs since they're not obligated to it + they have their share of problems too that they need to take care of.

i ended up not giving a fuck as to what people may think of me because , at the end of the day , i'm the only one who knows myself better. thank you for sharing how you currently feel anon and hopefully my food for thought made you feel valid or provided you some kind of comfort or such ∩(´∀`∩)

[dewprisms]

Thinking about the past and year n stuff before i go to bed (i never cared for staying up)

gonna put this under a readmore bc it came out more negative than i was expecting...

thinking back to the past year, we got the kittens fixed, i got more hours at work, got to see some siblings again, got to see my other nephew again, got rly lucky with pulls in Po Ma E X throughout the year...

idk what else was good though. didnt do any drawing practice, didnt work on my fic, didnt finish work on the character doc, started on the ruesid ref but didnt finish, stuff in the house keeps breaking, havent seen a doctor yet (its been like a decade), havent seen a therapist yet, the only new game i played was totk and pkmn sleep even tho i bought some more, actually barely played much games at all this year, failed to practice good hygiene habits, failed to lose weight, i actually gained even more than when i lost it 3 years ago and i still didnt get skinny at all back then, and actually i think my health has gotten worse because im even MORE tired than before all the time and my feet hurt a lot too, wasted money on a gym membership cause after august i stopped having the energy after work to go, and with it being cold out with no car idk how ill do it in the slow months (aka jan and feb), failed to talk to ppl more, failed to do anything good with the group chat because my memory is so shit that i just forget, my acne seems to have gotten worse, i keep falling behind bad at work (and it doesnt help that we cant keep ppl for more than a week but thats the company's fault but it still falls on the rest of us to pick up the slack), keep feeling like a burden at work and unintentionally getting on ppls nerves, plus the state of the world has also gotten more shit, and it doesnt look like itll be improving any time soon...

idk it just hasnt been that good and idk what to look forward to anymore. not even xbgr in k h 4. im so fucking lonely and i feel both my physical health and mental health deteriorating and theres nothing i can really do except watch it happen from behind these eyes that constantly question if reality is really real or not. ive been wanting to cry for the past like 5 months and i dont know what the fuck to do anymore, i dont have the energy for shit

🎉🎉wooooo!! 🎉🎉🥳🥳🎈

[blackvail22]

9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

[are-we-still-friends15]

12.06, 4:35 am

the night we first kissed, you were reading my letters i wrote for her

now im writing to you

its funny how we ended up like this

i really thought we would last, at least as friends after we broke up

we promised each other we would

but its been 2 months since we last talked

i got diagnosed with a severe panic disorder

thats what was happening to me during our last months together

i guess you were the trigger, but it wasnt your fault

i think i kind of knew we wouldnt last when you didnt say i love you back that night

and that fear of losing you was causing the panic attacks

but thats also how we grew distant, kind of ironic, self fulfilling prophecy or whatever

i miss you

i have days when you are barely in my thoughts, but when im by myself its basically free real estate for you

and you left a big hole

i wish i could talk to you directly, but i physically cant

everytime we would talk after we broke up i would have bad panic attacks

even now writing this, knowing you will never see it, i feel like im close to having one

i wanted to at least explain to you why i havent texted, but my psychologist said i shouldnt talk to you

at least not for now

its good for treatment apparently

but i guess this doesnt count so its ok

when you asked me how i was doing, i lied

i had a two week period where i didnt get out of bed

i couldnt eat, work or shower

the apartment was a mess

because in my mind you died

its a self defense mechanism i have since B, its how my mind deals with break ups

obviously i know youre not dead, and i dont want you to be

but my mind thinks theres no other way to deal with a breakup

so i was grieving you

for a solid two months

it hurts needing you back in my life but knowing that i cant

we wont work out as a couple anymore, and you know i cant be friends again if i still have feelings

and i have them now, and will do for a long time

but youre better off without me i think

im sorry

i miss you and i love you

im not sure if ill keep writing here

[summercurial]

ok so trip report before i forget the details

okay so friday afternoon i ditch my mom to go to charleston alone, feel kinda guilty but i really wanted to spend time with my friends and also she CLAIMS she doesnt want to make me miserable, fuck it, im not good enough at pretending not to be miserable. anyway

so i make the 4 hour drive down to my friends place, cant really find the groove at first but then i remember i havent listened to the second half of the jordan lake sessions so i do that and its really wonderful and i get there in a great mood. G made summer-compatible soup and its delicious and then i get drunk (E brought naturdays, which i love). i tell S about how much i care about her cuz i got emotional in the car worrying about him. anyway

next part is a bit time fuzzy but i think it was that night, E bottoms for men taller than him and tops women and men shorter than him, were sort of mutually sub/bratty respectively towards G so theres. a weird dynamic. a fun dynamic! but anyway i was teasing him for being a bottom, at some point i kiss him and then Post about how recieving the kiss rather than doing it yourself is being the bottom "i.e. the receptive" this becomes a Post all weekend. during the kissing he bites my split lip hard and it bleeds all over, i get blood on the nang thingy.

oh at some point that night L (the catboy) i think posted about how im a fake catgirl cuz of the pliability/obedience, so doggirlhood became a point of discussion all weekend

oh that night my drunk and asleep self is dropped in H's bed for the night. he likes it really cold and hes not cuddly so i alternated between cuddling against him for warmth and then moving away when i felt guilty about his boundaries

ANYWAY next day we go to the apartment building's gym, i do a little bit of cardio and ogle my friends lifting weights. im SO weak. also cardio sucks. before and after i showered with G, which is always nice. we go wine tasting and L's job and then pick up some groceries. i had been talking since i got there about how ive never really been properly bruised and i want to be. i make myself eggs and leave the cast iron pan in water cuz i forgot i wasnt supposed to, G is genuinely kind of annoyed with me and has H punch me pretty hard in the stomach. i took it pretty well i think, made a noise but then silently laid on the futon in the middle of the living room recuperating for a bit.

that night im encouraged to sleep in H's bed (they joke encourage me to suck his dick while im asleep) i lay down in there but feel too creepy thinking about cuddling against him so i come back out. me and S sleep on the futon, in the warmer room. S is a dom but not stronger than me and also we have a fun-antagonistic relationship sometime so theres some physical/verbal tussling where i assert him domming me outside of a mediated environment would ruin the fragile power balance. also i brag about being able to beat her in a fight a lot.

ok so next day i realize i like it when i press on the painful spot, ask G and later E to press on it, it feels really good, i alternate between really wanting it pressed on and feeling guilty about being so incredibly weird. theres commentary from L about if theres any way they can hurt me i wont get off on (his nails work lol). i mention this whole thing, including them punching me, is really weird, G brings up that i explicitly asked to be punched. so yeah i would say at least 60% my bad. anyway. it was really fun getting it palpated.

oh also i suck G's dick! it was really nice. it's big which means its pretty hard to do a good job with but i try my best and he says i look cute and calls me a good girl. which was very nice. i had to tap out before he came tho i was exhausted. its long enough that it passes back and forth over my throat a lot which is no good for not gagging, i can keep it in my throat for a while but quick in and out makes me very quickly feel like im gonna barf.

that night theres further discussion re: doggirlhood, L is annoyed im drooling on the futon and i say i cant help it (i cant! i drool when i sleep!), E kindly reframes this as a doggy thing. later L mentions they need like one of those little indoor fences for keeping puppies when they want me out of the way, E and G suggest crate training (a different thing, L is annoyed at the misunderstanding). theres also some talk about how they could probably get me to do things they dont want to do for them, described as "bitch work" at one point. E tells me to make him some popcorn but he does it with a joking tone, i say he has to say it seriously if he wants me to do it and he gets up and makes the popcorn himself

this was like. ok some of these doggirl interactions were hot ofc but i feel like they were largely like.... "affirming". which is obv a weird way to frame it but thats really how it felt. like, im not dogkin, or even doggirlkin, but there was definitely a distant family resemblance to gender euphoria, idk.

anyway it was really really fun! i had a good time. my friends are so nice to me, which i say a lot to them, cuz they really really are. G calls me spoiled when i get to cuddle between him and E and im getting lots of attention and warm and good. E made me guacamole. i get lots of scritches (E is so good at them...) and headpets and cuddles (and interesting conversation! they know so much about so much stuff i dont. and also i get to explain math to them. also theyre really funny and stuff) 100% worth skipping out on my mom.

[curious-menace]

Can you do headcanons of any Riddler getting cared for and gentle kisses from reader after getting beat up? He needs some loves.

SO I MAY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT MY ULTIMATE FANTASY IS TO GIVE RIDDLER A HUG WITH BACKRUBS AS HE TELLS ME ABOUT HIS DAY AND I STAND BY THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY .

i freaking love this stuff so im going to do all of them mwahahah

post asswoop riddlers getting loves

Arkham riddler

He’s VERY quiet, which knowing him and his inability to stop talking, is  bad news.

I paint arkham riddler as a cry baby and i stand by that. this is the hill i will die on. He’ll have dragged his sorry ass into your apartment or house , dripping blood on your floors but he wont bother calling for you. he’ll just sit at the table with his head in his hands having a lil pity party until you find him.

when you do finally get home, he’ll be looking like a kicked puppy. he’s gotten stuck in his own head, mentally beating himself up even more. he got a fright when you came in because he was so caught up he didn't even hear you at the door.

He’s literally sits there like a child with his arms up for you to come scoop him up. he’s not even sure why his first thought after getting beat up was to come here, he’s probably lead the cops here or something and that was so stupid and- you should probably give him a lil soft smooch on the head to stop him before he goes into a spiral.

he needs more emotional and mental care than physical. Talk to him while you're patching him up. any topic, it doesn't matter just keep him focused on your voice and not the one in his head calling him dumb.

he wont admit he wants to be held and coddled after something like this. get your softest blankie and 2 mugs of coco with marshmallows and just ramble at him. tell him about your day or ask him to explain something boring and complicated so he’s focusing on that rather than how upset he is. let him sit on your lap or between your legs on the sofa and watch how its made or mythbusters or something until he falls asleep. he should be ok again in the morning, he doesnt stay down for long. 

Blacklight Riddler

He’s used to getting his ass kicked, either by batman, the other rogues or once he’s a PI, by unhappy clients and the people he put away. He might be tiny but he’s pretty tough. 

even if he’s really hurting, his probably trying to crack jokes and tell blood and bruise related riddles. He doesn't like to see you worry so even if he’s in a lot of pain or a bit upset about things, he’s trying to make you smile.

he likes kisses on his bruises. even if he just banged his hand on the table he’ll come to you because he wants you to kiss it better. 

He’s a decent fighter, unlike a lot of riddlers who couldnt fight their way out of a paper bag. He can throw punches but he lacks in defence and with his bad knee, dodging can be a little hard. even if he wins the fight he’s still likely to need you to patch him up.

He likes kids plasters. like hello kitty and spongebob. no im not joking, he ALWAYS wanted them when he was little and his parents always said no. now he’s an adult he’s going to use them whenever he damn well pleases.

 if it was a particularly bad one, he’ll be ok in the moment even if he has to go to hospital. But he’s going to drop the facade at some point and let you see how upset he is. winding up in hospital after being beat was a common occurrence in childhood. even after doing it time and time again as an adult it doesn't make it any easier on him. he’ll want to stay in your bed, be close to you for few days until either he starts to heal or something snaps him out of his funk.

BTAS Riddler

he really prefers other people to do the fighting for him. well physically anyway. he can handle his own arguments...most of the time. He’s going to need you to nurse a bruised ego more than anything. he probably got dunked on my batman or crane and now he’s huffing.

i don't know if this counts as care and kisses but he clearly needs you around to keep his sorry ass alive. he hurt his side in a fight once and said he wasn't hurt. believable... until he started to act a little confused, a little dizzy. needless to say it worried you enough to take him to emergency care. 

He was obviously in agony by now but he was still fighting with you the entire drive there, insulting you and insisting he was fine. its a good job you took him when he did, turns out he’d ruptured his spleen and would probably be dead if you weren’t around to act like his common sense.

he still hasnt apologised for that. or any of the other times you insisted on medical care to stop him from pushing up daisies. he just pretends like you know he’s grateful so he doenst have to admit he’s bullheaded, stubborn and worst of all, wrong. 

if he has been seriously hurt, he acts more indignant about it than anything. he wants to be waited on and pampered while resting in bed. he can be a genuine pain to deal with, talking about how lucky you are to see him in such a vulnerable state and how you should be grateful he’s letting you do this for him.

He doesn't want to admit how much he actually needs you. his goons wont put up with him when he’s like this and he’s freaking paying them to do it. you do it for free and no matter how annoying he is you havent left him yet. he doesn't tell you but youve noticed he starts getting you more gifts about a week after he’s recovered. like its taken him a day or two to work out he should probably thank you for all you do.

Original Riddler

this riddler is just weird. like he gets a freaking hang nail and he pretends like he’s dying. but he could nearly lose a limb and he’ll say “tis but a scratch” and still try to hobble about like nothing is wrong.

actually he’s more like olaf “oh look i've been impaled.”. he probably tries to laugh off life threatening injuries like its nothing, taking maybe 3 steps before he collapses on his face in a blood puddle and lets out a tiny “help”

good luck moving his tall lanky ass around. better get a gurney and maybe those vets at the zoo who deal with giraffes. seriously if you want to take care of him you are going to need help or some sort of action plan and a go bag because with his limp butt this will not be easy.

he’s kinda like BTAS riddler in that he needs you to tell him the injury is serious. hes not dumb he just has a high pain threshold and genuinely doesn't realise that injuries are as bad as they are. 

he can be a bit of a baby while being patched up. he doesn't like a lot of blood or gore, it makes him feel a little sicky. better give him your phone to play with like a kid at the doctors or put the tv on for him to watch while you bandage  him. word of warning, he will pass out or throw up if you try to give him stitches.

i think you should focus your love and attention on him AFTER medical care. just focus on the job, be silent and as fast as possible to get it over with quickly. you should probably bring him something sweet too. no not just you, although you are sweet for looking after him. give him something sugary because he’s going to be light headed after seeing any blood. maybe you could give him a lolly for being a good patient. 

Telltale riddler

this riddler is essentially a metahuman. he can REALLY take a beating and bounce back fairly quickly. just look how many times batman punched him in the face and it barely stunned him! he doesnt usually need patched up after a fight. maybe just a lil smooch and some hugs

he did really need your help after the whole pact thing. having his friends abandon him hurt like hell, more than any physical injury ever could.

after that, he clings to you. almost obsessively so; we know he’s got some serious mental illnesses but he usually has the worst of it under control, even without meds. now? it seems like he’s experiencing ptsd and is afraid to go anywhere without you, like you might up and disappear if you arent in his line of sight at all times.

i think this riddler might need the most intense care from you. hugs and gentle reassurance wont be enough. you’re going to be responsible for taking him to therapy, keeping him taking his meds and grounding him to reality. this is the kind of responsibility you took on when you got involved with him but i doubt you realised how hard it would be. i cant promise it will all be worth it but i can promise he wont ever forget your kindness.

the kind of care he needs after such a hard knocking down is just stability. im not one for romance or any mushy gushy stuff but please just pour your love into the cracks in this poor mans soul.

its hard going, but he has his moments. his gallows sense of humor is still there and hey, after him being in and out and gone for so long, it might be nice to have him around more.  

Zero year riddler

INSUFFERABLE LITTLE SHIT THIS ONE. he could LITERALLY be bleeding out in your arms and he’d STILL be backseat driving on your medical skills. the temptation to just leave him there to bleed is INCREDIBLE.

he’ll drop the act eventually. he’ll ask and maybe even beg for your help. man has  no shame and all the self preservation instincts of a lemming. dont get me wrong, he can be a total coward some times, only looking out for himself . but when he’s actually hurt ? not a fuckin clue. does this head wound need an ice pack or heat pack? is this spurring blood wound worthy of medical care? no idea. he was a very sheltered child who never got so much as a bruise so he has no idea what to do when he’s hurt.

he gets the everloving shit kicked out of him on a clockwork basis. like you could hear knocking on your door at 3 am and already be at the table with a first aid kit like oh its tuesday riddler must have broken his nose.

he takes entirely too much joy in making you patch him up. youre starting to wonder if he’s doing it on purpose just to see you in your little apron and latex gloves . he’s getting off on this and you know it but god help you, you just  cant resist his dumb face asking for your help and would you also wear this pink nurses outfit while youre at it?

one time he lost a LOT of blood. he would be fine but he was pretty damn loopy from lightheadedness. while you were trying to get him into bed to rest he started flirting with you. can you believe the audacity? he’s lost 3 pints of blood and he’s still more focus on his libido? 

he’s actually going to be both humble and grateful for your help when he finally comes round. dont get me wrong, he’s still a bit of a prick but at least he says thank you for saving him before he demands you kiss all his booboos and ouchies. 

nonnie i am having a stroke. i was trying SO hard to just pick one but i COULDNT because i am WEAK for hurt and comfort.

theres a reason i have a tag that literally says “i have naughty hands and no self control”

someone needs to stage an intervention

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[icecreamkink]

watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.

feelings.

very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful

anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start

in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr

listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?

For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies

i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics

fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service

slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it

wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0

i lov them

through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart

in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back

my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think

no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 

some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART

lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 

being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize

wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 

that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.

 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss

fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-

and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy

i have Learned. caves = gay.

 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)

the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it

early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 

EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 

i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance

 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)

jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"

jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry

lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((

up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all

seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez

that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir

 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE

when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious

all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them

hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)

its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

they are SO insufferable pleeeeease

in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”

in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.

 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss

the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)

ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok

you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 

jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)

i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 

the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic

and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic

i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon

and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 

The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 

wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh

me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”

its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ

everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 

ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 

“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;

the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes

untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo

related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 

and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 

 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 

highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.

lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 

on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn

also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'

when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///

hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss

they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad

when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN

so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted

even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 

wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)

the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid

wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)

LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k

take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood

zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 

cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!

wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn

everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 

showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 

justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁

jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief

my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession

the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 

“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”

"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd

also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice

yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON

they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((

wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer

both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w

;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all

wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience

the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected

on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY

lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;

 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together

also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy

wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation

did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins

jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;

i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 

im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 

when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 

also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point

 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?

wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"

unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 

and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 

jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say

i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-

 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE

a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:

SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 

literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour

babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 

(not that the pain is over LOL)

lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’

“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 

and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......

and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 

THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  

great now i made myself sad

and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??

JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 

and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it

enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏

 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him

babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  

one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks

wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺

so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh

a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 

her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao

 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 

like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby

and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 

anjo sensato :(

xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...

the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof

song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 

wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 

THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change

should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells

the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is

u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 

BAT WEN NING 

wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 

(they didnt) (yet)

DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.

i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again

also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever

mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy

also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious

i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something

jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he

the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 

in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT

oh my god oh my god

the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead

lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞

also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck

i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...

poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'

ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth

wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 

ME ON THE OTHER HAND"

the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazaré meme*

"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard

not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho

i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...

re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?

idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling

i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again

jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god

and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night

i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not

jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'

the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl

never trust a dude with a fan.

nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 

when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.

and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy

netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)

the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........

there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 

that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*

[nuclear-clusterhug]

You've been talking in your sleep (you've been having real bad dreams)

pairing: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap

word count: 1392

angst, hurt/comfort, kinda fluff?

summary: Just give me a reason by P!nk feat. Nate Ruess. thats it.

note: i havent written anything other than essays in english, it's not my first language, and i havent written fanfiction in 6 years, let me know my mistakes :)

It was late at night when he started to hear it. The voice of his boyfriend rang in his head, saying things he never heard before.

''I'm so tired of always trying to make you feel better'' he heard. He felt the arms around his waist tighten and he froze. Nick. He must've been talking in his sleep.

Karl didn't know what to think of it. His boyfriend, his one and only, the person he trusted the most in life just accidentally told him he was tired of him. Was he really that hard to handle? Sure he had his problems, the ghosts of past relationships hanging around him made it hard for the two boys to even start their own, but Karl genuinely thought he was getting better. He was communicating better, he was generous with physical affection, he tried to always be there for the other, he couldn't help it if his self-consciousness sometimes got in the way of that.

Karl tried to make sense of it all, but sleep sucked him back in before he could form his next coherent thought.

From that night on, Karl tried his best not to show Nick when he was feeling down. He tried to be as good for him as possible, in fear that if he got too vulnerable, Nick would get fed up and lash out. Every night he would turn his back to Nick as a silent offer for spooning, but also so that the other wouldn't see the tears that might slip out of Karl's grey eyes. But every night, he would hear Nick say something in his sleep. Sometimes just venomous mumbling, sometimes real words about how Nick felt like he was used for emotional support and not a real partner. Karl wondered why Nick hadn't said anything about it when they were both awake, he never seemed to be bothered about Karl's worries before, but all frustration needed an outlet, he supposed.

''Baby, are you okay?'' Nick asked a few days later while they were hanging around on the couch, both clanking away on their laptops. Karl was in a particularly bad mood, the things he heard at night eating away at his wide awake brain made him lose focus and have to restart his work for the second time. He felt like however hard he tried to be good for Nick, the other just saw him as a burden, and messing work up didn't help the feeling of uselessness.

''Yeah, just tired'' he tried for a smile but it came out more as a pout.

''I don't doubt that. You've been restless for the past few nights'' Nick put his laptop on the coffee table and turned to Karl with his whole body. ''Have you been having nightmares?'' he asked, concern clear in his voice.

''You could say that'' Karl murmured and tried to turn his attention back to his screen, trying to ignore the conversation the other attempted to have with him.

''What do you mean? You've been tossing around, and then suddenly freezing each night. Something must be going on'' Nick moved closer to him on the couch, hand moving to his back, but Karl jerked away involuntarily.

''I don't want to talk about it'' he said quietly, moving to stand up and try to leave the room, but Nick stopped him with a careful hand on his forearm and pulled him back down. Nick took his laptop and put it next to his so they could both sit with their legs up, body turned to the other.

''Too bad. You need your rest if you wanna keep up with your work flow. I want to help you, but you haven't talked to me properly in days. I thought you were just working up to saying it, or I don't even know, but you avoid my eyes every time I look at you, you turn away in bed, and even now you're avoiding it. Avoiding me!'' Karl could see Nick was desperately trying to keep his cool to not scare him away and he appreciated the calm tone but it didn't really work.

''Why would you want to help me?'' Karl jumped up and walked to the other side of the room.

''Why would I not? Your work is important to you, and you are important to me! I care about your physical well-being as much as your emotional!'' Nick tried to reason with him, but Karl wasn't having it.

''You? You care about my emotions? Take a fucking hike!'' Karl finally snapped. This was it, the dam broke, everything was going to come out. Nick braced himself, he knew he had to listen to everything very carefully, because Karl couldn't always express himself when he got too worked up, but Nick has learned to read between the lines. ''You talk in your sleep! Did you know that? You say some real weird shit sometimes! Talk about how I haven't talked to you in days, when you only speak your mind when you're asleep! If you're so tired of trying to fix me then why are you even here anymore? Sincerely, thank you for fixing my heart, but if I'm such a burden to you, then just leave! See if I care!'' Karl was fuming, which didn't happen often, but Nick couldn't really focus on Karl's tears and red cheeks as he was still stuck on Karl's words.

''What do you mean I talk in my sleep?'' he asked, choking back his frustration.

''You said-''

''No!'' Nick interrupted. ''What do you mean I talk in my sleep when I haven't slept a single minute the past few nights? You've been tossing and turning and silently crying, and wouldn't wake up however loud I called your name, so I tried to hug you as close as possible so you wouldn't hurt yourself! When would have I had the time to talk in my sleep?'' Nick was close to shouting, but he had the mind to stop himself from getting too loud in case Karl would react poorly to the volume.

Karl couldn't say anything. Looking at Nick he noticed the dark circles under his red rimmed eyes, and thinking back he remembered Nick drinking copious amounts of coffee. Nick didn't drink coffee normally. That could only mean one thing.

''So you said them while you were awake?'' Karl looked like a crazy scientist in a movie, lightbulb above his head and a franctic look in his eyes. ''You said those things to me while I was asleep so you didn't have to face me?'' His voice got lower and lower as his heart broke all that much more.

''What?'' Nick was taken aback. ''What the hell are you talking about?'' He had no idea how Karl came to that conclusion, but frankly, didn't even want to find out. He shook his head. ''No. What I'm getting at is that you might have dreamed it. All of it, probably, because I swear on everything that is holy that I have not said anything about you being a burden. Seriously'' Nick started to approach Karl and held out his hand so that the taller boy had the option of getting closer or staying away.

Karl placed a tentative hand in Nick's, but didn't move otherwise.

''I- I don't understand'' Karl shook his head slightly. ''But- I hear your voice. Every night.''

''I might do actually talk to you while you're asleep'' Nick said sheepishly, scratching st the back of his neck with his free hand. ''I couldn't tell you how much I love you and miss you these past days and I needed you to hear it, even if you were unconscious'' he confessed. ''I guess the message got lost in the in-between.''

''Oh'' Karl felt his cheeks heat up as he moved his eyes to the carpet of their livingroom.

''Yeah'' Nick said dumbly as he squeezed Karl's hand a bit.

''Could you- Um- Could you tell me now?'' Karl asked softly, eyes catching Nick's.

''I would love to'' Nick sighed in relief and led his boyfriend to their bedroom, lying down facing each other, cuddling for real for the first time in days.

Karl might have fallen asleep midway through the confession, but he didn't have any more doubts about his place in Nick's heart.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[katoodlez]

uwu meter exploded and i ate dinner at 2am after watching this aka the sam and bucky show episode 5

The new episode was sO goOd omg tbh i didnt think i was gonna be able to watch it last night and i legit cried. But i did and i am very very thankful. Because it was a very very good episode. But before we start stOP reAdING cuz theres gonna be MASSIVE SPOILERS IN THIS POST.

Alrighty without further delay, the Sam and Bucky show episode 5 and all its best things (there are a lot, to no one’s surprise). Im gonna go in chronological order to avoid losing my mind.

1. The fight in the beginning. Omg. Walker looked like he was gonna do both Sam and Bucky in with the shield like 6 times and it was lowkey scary. And when Walker knocked bucky into the electric tower or whatever it was— skdjfjs i saw some people post abt Sam’s glare mid battle like “if this is sam looking at walker after he hurt bucky” anD IT ACTUALLY WAS marvel why.

2. Walker ripped Sam’s wings off omg. That was so brutal i audibly gasped. I think we’ve seen the wings being shot at or broken but never ripped clean off. 0 _ 0

3. I like how the fight ended with all three of them on the ground and the shield just lying there. And then Bucky picked it up, left it for Sam and left. Walker was defeated but it kinda shows how Sam still wasn’t sure about the shield, he just knew in that moment that Walker absolutely couldn’t be the one to have it. I feel like that fight scene really conveyed how all of them felt about the shield and it was done really well. (Ok but on a side note, remember in episode 2 when Sam was like “bruh we cant just run up on the man, beat him up and take it?” I guess they went with that plan after all)

4. TORRES MY BELOVED. He’s back and I’m so happy 🥺🥺🥺🥺 also i love how he’s not afraid to give Bucky sass lmao.

5. WHEN SAM TOLD TORRES TO KEEP THE WINGS. listen i havent read the comics but i know what happens in them and Torres is such a Falcon fanboy omg if he’s gonna be the new falcon im gonna be so happy for him ahhHhHh

6. Sam’s conversation with Isaiah Bradley. Man. I’m really really happy that we have that scene. The scene with Isaiah in episode 2 left me reallly uneasy because it ended on a really bad note with unfinished and unsaid things between Sam, Bucky and Isaiah. Also Sam didn’t really get to talk at all in that scene and I felt like he def had things he wanted to say. I appreciated how Sam said that he really didn’t get some stuff and he had Isaiah explain more of his backstory. I think Sam believes that things can change, for good reason, and at the same time Isaiah believes that nothing will change, also for a completely fair reason. But having the time to let the two of them talk, esp with the shield in the room and without Bucky’s complicated history was a really well written piece of dialogue. Thank you screenwriters.

7. SARAH WILSON SUPREMACY. I’m glad we got more of Sarah in this episode ahhh. She’s such a caring sister and I’m here for it. Sam and Sarah sibling dynamics also >>>>>

8. Sam calling in the favors to help fix the boat was so heartwarming omg. And Bucky just showing up lmaooo

9. Bucky flirting with Sarah to get on Sam’s nerves LMAOO

10. Sam and Bucky fixing the boat together was something I needed to see. That entire montage, the teamwork and warm lighting and akskdjajd my heart 🥺🥺💕💕💕

11. Bucky waking up to Sam’s nephews playing with the shield reminded me of the Black Panther end credits scene but also of that one scene in Wandavision with Pietro and wanda’s kids lollll

12. Sarah asking Sam if he’s gonna let Isaiah tell him what to do and then Sam asking/telling Bucky to stop letting others, even Steve, tell him who to be was just. Skdkfjaod. The character conversations in this episode ahHhh

13. On that note, Sam and Sarah having a chance to talk about themselves, their boat and their family was just amazing. They’re fighting to keep their history and also understanding each other at the same time.

14. Sarah telling sam that there’s the fight out there and then theres the fight in here is so special. It in a sense reflects/applies to not only Sam and Sarah’s relationship and struggles, but it also applies to Sam and Bucky’s relationship and struggles esp with Steve and the shield’s legacy, Bucky’s history as the Winter Soldier and all the weight he carries with it. They gotta sort out the inside stuff before getting into the thick of what I’m sure will be the final battle next week as superheroes in the face of the world.

15. On that note. Sam and Bucky finally having the chance to talk was so relieving and eye opening for both characters. Bucky finally understanding Sam’s perception of the shield and its weight on his conscience because he is an African American representing his people and Sam finally understanding a more personal side of Bucky’s relationship with/perception of the shield feels like a knot in their friendship that has been resolved. The development in this show is just through the roof omg.

16. Okay but Bucky talking about how Steve told him about the plan to give Sam the shield... wkerjkakdja I feel like that makes Endgame’s ending a little better 😭😭😭

17. Shield training shield training shield training ahhhHhHhHhh i swear whenever either sam or bucky touched the shield in this episode i started physically vibrating LOL. Its so cool to see the shield in the hands it’s supposed to be in again ☺️☺️ Sam’s training montage with the shield was also AMAZING omg it was so so cool to watch him grow with the skills

18. Not Sam asking Bucky if he has nightmares and talking to him about amends and stuff skdjfjskd lowkey Sam is the superior therapist in this show and he doesn’t get nearly enough credit for it aksjdjskdjajd. Also the implication that Bucky will go back to Nakajima and give him closure for his son I— 😭😭

19. Also im so glad the scene where they’re walking away from each other ISNT the last episode. Its sort of like a “we’ll see each other soon” walk : DD

20. Okay but Bucky helping the Wakandans capture zemo at the memorial (which i think is for his family? 😭😭😭) and then the favor that Bucky called in for sam. WHATS IN THE GOSH DARN BOX OMG. i think it’s either new Falcon wings, a vibranium Redwing (please let it be this) or a suit of some kind

21. And lastly what the heck does Sharon wanna kill Sam for?? She workin for the flag smashers now or sumn? Also Batroc coming back when the last time i think we saw him was in CA: Winter Soldier 0 _ 0

Did it take me an hour to write this post? Yes. Did I get everything? No. I dont think I discussed Walker in this post but he was super scary and deranged and Wyatt Russell blew it out of the ballpark in this episode. Also whats the special character that everyone was hyped about? Anyways. Until next week 0 _ 0 season finale and im not ready for it to be over

[honeypirate]

Easy Living part two

Part one

Obi Akitaru x Fem!reader

Obi Akitaru falls in love with the girl at the rock show

Also ducks survived the cataclysm

Song one

Song two

Song three

Song four

Song five alternate version

Obi didn't see you outside of the office where you were doing paperwork. He thought you were avoiding him but you interacted with him during office hours so he couldn't really convince himself at first. You had said you were too tired to eat with everyone and just wanted to rest, which is how you got out of family dinners and could sneak in and eat after everyone leaves.

After a week and a half of this, he plans to find you and talk to you. Oh how he missed your jokes and your presence. You get back from your physical therapy and he meets you at the door “come with me” he says and takes your good hand “we’re going out”

You get ice cream, and just walk the town for a while. You figured he would want to talk soon but to be honest you havent quite dealt with your feelings yet. You didnt know what to say. Hey sorry Captain I’ve been avoiding you a little so i could squash all the romantic feelings i have for you since you only want to be best friends. No hard feelings? Also I feel like a failure because Im useless right now?

No. You couldn’t be that honest, but you would be honest enough

He stops by a bench next to the trees that have started to bloom in the warm spring air. You sit beside him, a little farther than usual and he sighs “talk to me. Please” he says softly and you swallow “about what?” you ask, your voice a little shaky and nervous. “y/n” he sighs “okay, i’ll just ask. Why have you been avoiding me after we had tea?” he leans his elbows down on his thighs and looks over at you.

You swallow hard and look down at your toes, giving your ice cream cone you were nursing a lick to buy some time.

“Obi, i’ve just been really tired. It wasn’t you. I promise. As you said, we are best friends forever. Please dont think im avoiding you i promise im not really. It’s just so hard to not use my arm, i cant do my job like i need, i feel like im useless. And youre my Captain! i dont want to be less than you deserve as a team member”

He brushes your hair back behind your ear and you gasp, looking from your toes into his eyes. “I’m your friend first remember? And so here I am, asking you as a friend, please dont think you have to avoid me. I dont think less of you because youre injured, youre not broken or ruined, youre just hurt. And you’re perfect the way that you are at any moment so dont even start with thinking you’re less than anyone. Youre incredibly strong and smart always. Let me be there for you. Right now as a man and not as your captain. Okay?” you feel your heart rate beat erratically in your chest and you kick yourself form coming along. Those perfect things he said to you from the perspective of a f r i e n d. God you loved him so much it hurt. Hurt because he doesnt love you back. More than a best friend anyway.

You do your best to go back to normal, you talk to him more, forcing yourself to attend dinners and joke like normal, ignorning the growing cracks in your heart.

A few weeks later, after a mission you werent allowed to go on, Obi announces a celebration “Since we just had a successful huge mission, we will be celebrating and inviting the companies we have friends in. so the 5th, 7th, and 2nd, will all be attending.” you dont deny that youre excited. You love celebrations because it meant the best barbeque plus you cant wait to talk to Hibana and Konro.

That night after your physio you talk to Maki and Vulcan, planning to take care of the entertainment for the night. Vulcan on the drums, Maki on the electric guitar, and you on vocals. You spent the next few days preparing and getting all the music sheets for them from songs you all put together. A list of 8 songs that everyone would enjoy, or so you hoped.

Your arm didn’t have to be in a sling anymore, it was healed but the muscles were tight and the scar tissue hurt. you had to work through that but your physical therapist said you would work that slowly and it would be almost 100% again.

When the day arrived for the celebration you felt nervous as hell. “Are you excited to do this?!” Vulcan says and pats your good shoulder and you laugh “I’m nervous and excited” Maki squeals as she does a sound check on her guitar “this is going to be so cool!”

When you guys move out to the stage, you get everyone’s attention by tapping the mic, a squeal going through the speakers before Viktor adjusts some settings on the computer.

“Hey guys. We put together a little entertainment for you all. Hope you enjoy it” you look around at everyone as they make their way over to the stage. Obi’s eyes were wide and he was grinning ear to ear, you didn’t tell many about this so it could be a surprise and you knew that was a good choice with the look in his eyes. He made his was to front of the crowd, whistling loudly as Maki began to strum.

Vulcan hits the drums as you begin to sing

“Scar tissue that I wish you saw

Sarcastic mister know-it-all

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you 'cause

With the birds I’ll share” after the first verse your eyes flick down to Obi and he has the biggest smile you’ve seen. It makes your heart flutter as you wink at him as you sing the chorus

“With the birds I'll share this lonely viewin'

With the birds I'll share this lonely viewin'”

The end of the first song everyone cheers loud and you feel proud as you laugh with the excitement and atmosphere. Obi is your loudest cheerleader.

Vulcan leaves the drums to stand by the keyboard for the next song as Maki plays the chords.

“You belong among the wildflowers

You belong in a boat out at sea

Sail away, kill off the hours

You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, find you a lover

Go away somewhere all bright and new” your eyes flick down to Obi and you smile softly

“ I have seen no other

Who compares with you”

Some people hold up lighters and those with fire abilities hold some fire up and sway side to side, the atmosphere is light and easy, a moment where no one is thinking about infernals and government problems.

You sang the four softer songs Maki chose first before taking a water break then going back on stage to finish strong with four songs you were excited about since you knew they were some of your and Obi’s favorites.

You look down at Obi when the music starts and the recognition in his eyes makes you grin. You know most people in your company know this song because of Obi. “You show us everything you've got

You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy

You say you wanna go for a spin

The party's just begun, we'll let you in

You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy

You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'”

You feel your body feel with pride when the crowd sings the chorus and you realize more people know those song then you thought

“I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day x4”

The cheering at the end of this song makes you laugh before you take another drink of water and move on to the next few songs until you end with the last two you were excited about.

“Okay everyone. Two left” you smile at the boos that are scattered “ We’re glad you liked this show and hope you had fun here. There’s extra food so if you’re hungry make sure you fill up” You wink at Obi again as you begin to sing the song as he whistles loudly when the guitar begins, throwing his fists in the air doing his devil horns.

“This is a thing I've never known before

It's called easy livin'

This is a place I've never seen before

And I've been forgiven

Easy livin' and I've been forgiven

Since you've taken your place in my heart”

This one was one of your favorites and you got into it dancing around on the stage. When it ends you laugh and smile as they cheer. “Okay guys. I dedicate this last song to the companies here tonight thank you all for making this not a complete failure. I was nervous but now.. this has been a dream come true of mine honestly. Anyway. For you” you look down at Obi and he nods and then whistles again when he recognizes the song

“A company always on the run

A destiny, oh it's the rising sun” the crowd cheers and you get goosebumps

“I was born, a shotgun in my hands

Behind the gun

I'll make my final stand, yeah

That's why they call me” you look down at Obi and he sings with you

“Bad company

I can't deny

Bad, bad company

'Til the day I die

Until the day I die”

Your voice fades out and Vulcan and Maki finish their notes and the crowd goes nuts. You bring Vulcan and Maki up and you hold hands and bow before waving and exiting the stage.

A few pats on the back and many people telling you how great that was was a little overwhelming and Obi could tell. He pushes through the crowd and takes your hand “gotta borrow this rock star for a moment excuse us please” he says and takes you with him behind the stage where he could let you take a breather.

“Looked a little overwhelmed with the loving crowd” he says and leans against the side of the wall behind the stage. “Just a bit. Thank you Obi” he hasn’t stopped smiling and his eyes are filled with stars for you. “I didn’t know you could sing Little Duck” he says and you chuckle “there’s a lot you don’t know about me Obi” you say with a smirk and drink of your water bottle. “And I love discovering new things about you.” he says softly and you feel your cheeks flush under his soft gaze “is that right?” You ask in a flirty tone and you cock your head with a smile. “Yes. It is” he says and you stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, soft smiles and a warm feeling growing in your bones.

“Hey y/n I brought you some food since we missed out” Vulcan says and hands you a plate “you’re a lifesaver Vulcan thank you!” You say and take it with a grin. Obi kicks himself for not thinking of that and scowls at the weird jealousy he feels spike in his heart at the way you smiled at Vulcan. He shakes his head and excuses himself to go talk to Hinawa.

“That was weird” Vulcan says and you raise an eyebrow in question, mouthful but he understood you “he looked at me like I just flirted with his girl. How weird is that?” You laugh and your cheeks dust slightly pink “I’m sure there was something else on his mind, we’re just friends” you say and take another bite of your barbecue, moaning a little about how delicious it is. Vulcan just shrugs “that was really amazing. Great idea y/n! It was so fun. If you ever wanna jam again I’m down” you smile and nod “I’ll take you up on that sometime”

“Are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?” Hinawa says, acting like it’s annoying him that he has to have this conversation to hide the fact he finds it entertaining that his Captain is so blind. “She’s been my best friend for so long. Wouldn’t I have had feelings for her before today?” Hinawa sighs “are you sure you haven’t?” Obi feels like his mind expands as he connects the dots. “Well damn” Obi says with a slight smile teasing the corners of his mouth and Hinawa shakes his head.

After that night you didn’t see Obi outside of work for a week. It was weird. Like the tables have turned and now you don’t know why he’s avoiding you. He calls you into your office and you feel a little worried.

“You wanted to see me sir?” You said as stood at attention in front of his desk. Outside of this room you felt like he was your Obi but every time he calls you into his office you feel completely different. The atmosphere he held in that room for you, powerful and commanding, you were intimidated and slightly turned on but you never would allow yourself to think of that.

“I wanted to check in on how your therapy is going” he says, his face was stoic and level, but you see there’s something in his eye, something has changed. “It’s going well Sir” you raise your arm and show your limited range of motion “she says I’ll be back to good and cleared for duty soon, since I’m well enough now to have more frequent appointments.” he nods and makes a note on his small pad of paper. “Are your ignition abilities okay? Do you need training there?” You shake your head “no Sir. My abilities haven’t been effected” he nods once and then smiles, a soft smile that shows way more emotion from him than your used to “that’s all. I’m glad you’re doing well. Dismissed” “thank you Sir” you salute and then turn and leave, feeling extremely confused at the emotion you saw in his eyes.

You chew your lip as you pace the walkways of the company, pacing and thinking, (more like overthinking amirite) and trying to decide if you should talk to him. You somehow end up in the tallest room of the building, looking out over the town and the sunset. You get a flashback to your first day as a fire fighter, walking back to the truck with your team you were in the back of the group by Obi and he stopped to look at the sunset for a moment. “Remember y/n, take a moment to appreciate the beauty around you. It’s always taken for granted” that’s what he said to you that made you admire him. The original seed your feelings grew from. You smiled and turned, running down the steps to try and find him, to tell him.

“Hey Arthur have you seen the Captain?” You asked when he was the first one you saw “oh yeah. He just left with the girl from the flower shop” you raise your eyebrows “left with Margret? Why?” He shrugs “I don’t know. Probably a date. She seemed really happy” you laugh once in shock “huh” you say and he just shrugs, going back to his pretending to be a knight with his plasma blade as you walk out of the room.

You pace the halls again until you eventually give up. You won’t tell him. He’ll never know. You hope he’s happy with Margaret, she seems like a lovely woman.

Every day being around him sucks, you wish you could take some time off to go away for a little bit so you wouldnt have to see him, wouldnt have to feel the pain anymore. It made you look forward to your physio appointments but even those are ending soon, only two left before you're cleared. Dont get you wrong, you are excited to be cleared to work again, paperwork was beginning to annoy you, but you were going to miss the excuse to get out every once in a while so you wouldn't have to see him anymore. At least until you have gotten over him.

He notices you pulling away, avoiding him again. He doesnt understand everything was going so well. He was planning this big confession and spent forever with the florist planning the perfect bouquet and getting her help on what girls would like in a confession, he has the whole thing planned out but now you wont even look at him uness you have to. He’s so frustrated! When did communicating with each other get this hard?

You get back from physio and he meets you at the door again, this time hiding his emotions and just giving you a look that tells you to follow him. He takes you to the same empty room you were in yesterday, at the very top of the company. “Captain?” you ask softly, your eyes on the ground and your hands gripping the strap of your bag that is across your chest hard enough to lighten your knuckles. “Little duck” he whispers softly, his voice held something you couldn't place, something you never heard from him before, and when you realize what it is your eyes meet his. It was pain.

“My little ducky” he says softly “why?” you feel your walls break, your hard work to build them up and forget about your love for the captain turned to ash as you cover your face with your hands, tears burning your eyes. “I.. I just” you swallow hard and pull yourself together, you wont cry in front of him. You sniff and grit your teeth, dropping your hands and controlling the emotions on your face “I hope you are happy with Margaret” you say and look behind him, knowing if you saw his pain you’d for sure cry.

“What.. who the hell is margaret?” he says and you furrow your brows as confusing fills your mind. You look to your feet “Arthur said you’re dating Margaret, the florist” he laughs “her name is Margaret? I thought it was Molly, that’s awkward. But no, I am not dating the florist. Why would you believe aAthur? He thinks he's a knight ninja king or something”

“I uh, i gota go” you say and turn to leave but he takes your hand, pulling you to his embrace. “No you dont” he whispers and gently holds your head to his chest. “Tell me. I need you to tell me what is going on. Right now on this roof we are going to tell each other everything we’ve been hiding, starting with how you have been avoiding me again” you feel your eyes burn again, this time because of how frustrated you were with your stupidity..

“I feel so stupid i dont want to say” you mumble into his chest and he laughs “my precious ducky, please tell me” he says softly and you pull back, deciding to look into his eyes when you tell him the truth. “I couldn't deal with being around you knowing how much I love you since I thought you were with someone else. It hurt too much to see you. I thought i lost my chance”

He laughs softly “how could i fall in love with anyone else when the best woman is right in front of me?” you look up at him with a shocked expression and you almost turn to look behind you to see if there was anyone else there but you controlled yourself. You just cleared your throat and asked “what?” he laughs and cups your cheek, his strong callused hands holding you gentler than you could have ever imagined after seeing him crack a jar of pickles when he was opening it.

He leans down to your ear and whispers “I love you. I've loved you since the beginning. My little ducky” you gasp and turn your face to connect your lips to his. You melt into him as his strong arms wrap around your waist, lifting you to his chest as he kisses you deeply, his tongue swipes at your lip and you meet him with your own, making him hum in approval as you runs your fingers across his short cut hair on the back of his head, the shaved hair tickling your palms before you move higher to get his longer lengths in your fingertips.

You didn't even remember him picking you up until your feet touch the ground again. “You love me?” you ask when you pull back, right up against his lips and he sighs softly, pressing his forehead into yours. “I love you y/n” he says and you feel your stomach flip as a slow grin spreads over your face before your hands move to his shoulders as your bag falls to the ground and you jump, wrapping your legs around his waist as he catches you easily with a laugh

You kiss his lips again, overcome with happiness, pecking them a few times quickly before peppering kisses around his face “i love you” you whisper between kisses and he laughs as he holds you tight, his heart fluttering to know you feel the same. You pull back and smile down at him “i'm sorry i was such an idiot” you whisper and then hop down from his arms. “you’re not an idiot sweetheart. If i found out you were dating someone else and not me, that would hurt. I would have to avoid you for a while too. I dont want you to be with anyone else but me” he says and you blush, your heart melting as you take his large hands in your own “so when ya taking me out on a real date big guy?” you ask with a blush and he smiles “since you asked, sweetheart, that’s kind of the reason i was with Maggie to begin with” “margaret” “yeah margaret. She was helping me plan the perfect way to confess to you, i had this whole pan. So this friday, you and me, 7pm. I have a reservation downtown and will be getting you the best bouquet of flowers you ve ever seen so get ready” you laugh a little awkwardly “sorry for ruining your plan” you say and he smiles, kissing your forehead “you haven't ruined anything. you love me, nothing is better than that. Plus this means i can kiss you sooner than i was hoping” he leans down and presses his lips to yours softer than before shooting tingles down your spine “and it’s so much better than I imagined” he admits and you grin “then dont stop” you whisper and he smirks “anything for you sweetheart” he says before his lips are crashing into yours again

BOONNUUSSSSS

“So whats this about a duck”

Shinra asks at dinner and you groan as Obi laughs hard. You look pointedly at everyone there “okay but this does not leave this table and if it does i will beat ALL of your asses, so its more incentive for one of you to not say a thing because imagine how the rest of you will feel about the one who spilled” they all nod with a laugh and Hinawa rolls his eyes, knowing you’d never dare to beat his ass.

“Back when Obi and i were greenies” you look to him and he has a shit eating grin on his face as he lays his hand on your knee under the table. “We were just normal fire fighters, so calls like getting a cat out of a tree was nothing new. But this was a call about a duck. I answered the phone and it went a little bit like this” you put your hand to your ear like a phone

“thank you for calling the Fire Defence Agency, my name is Y/n how may i help you today?”

your voice changes to sound like an older gentleman “yes, my duck is stuck, please help.”

voice is yours again “your duck sir?”

“Yes. Herbert the duck. He cannot fly. Come immediately. 2836 the street name rd”

“Then he hangs up. Obi and i were the only ones there since we were greenies and had to man the phones during lunch hour so we roll out and get to his house and sure enough a duck is stuck on top of this mans roof” you hold your hands up and try to shape it out for them “he had this house where the top was sort of curved like this just above his front door” you bring your hands up and around in an arc. The truck we have doesnt have the laddder but it’s not too high so Obi puts me on his shoulders and as i go to grab this little bastard he screams in my face and pecks my eye” Obi is laughing remembering it “hush let me finish” you say to him with a smile

“So this damn Herbert the duck, my eye is watering and it hurts and i'm cursing up a storm as Obi laughs his ass off and tries to hold me steady. i get a hold on Herberts back, holding down its wings so i can easily lift it into my arms and as i pull it towards me he pecks my OTHER EYE” Obi is holding in cackles, he knows whats coming and can hear the mans voice as clear as day in his head “then Obi brings me down and im crying uncontrollably, my eyes burning as this duck watches me smugly hand him over to his care taker and then the gentleman goes”

You change your voice to mimic the mans again “watch out, he’s a pecker” Obi is laughing so hard along with Vulcan and Shinra, the rest chuckling along with.

“And i'm standing there, eyes leaking unctronably from being pecked in both eyes, and he just takes his duck and walks inside his house. I had to go to the doctor and get vaccines for all these diseases that ducks apparently have.” Obi catches his breath and wipes his tears “you should have heard her on the way back from the doctor, two eyepatches on and going on a tangent about how ducks should have gone extinct and left the geese since they are much cuter. I couldn’t stop laughing the whole drive home”

You slap his arm playfully “you saw that picture at the museum they look so cute and kind!” he smiles and holds your hand “I wonder how Herbert the duck is doing” he asks and you smile “probably not as well as I am” you smile around the table at your team and friends, all smiling and still chuckling softly imagining your story.

(Later)

“I can’t believe that one of the first things you liked about me was my tangent about ducks” you say as you crawl into bed beside him. He laughs and wraps his arms around you, hugging you to his chest “you were so cute and funny. I knew I needed to keep you around me because you made life fun and wonderful because that’s who you are” you kiss his cheek as he continues, rolling over and holding you “I knew I wanted to have you forever but I was too dense to realize I loved you” he nuzzles into your neck and lays on your chest, his weight and warmth comforting. “I love you” you whisper and he kisses you neck softly “I love you sweetheart”

[plentyofgay]

I need you to tell your parents that we are literally just friends. That that’s all we will ever be. That we had a “talk” and that I’m not physically attracted to you. You’re not my type and that you’re too young for me. That I consider you one of my haunt babies. But that we have a brother like relationship.

But know that I don’t feel like that. You know how I feel. It isn’t gonna change. And it isn’t going anywhere. I can compartmentalism it and have it not be an issue. NOT IN A BAD OR TOXIC WAY. I can have it ready if you decide one day that you’re ready.

Or we can just be best friends. Hopefully best friends that cuddle and still hang out and hug. Cause I love you. Wether it be platonic or romantic.

If you and Kai date. Which I’m worried that you will. And worried that they are going to hurt you. I will be here. I’m always gonna be here. You’re always gonna have a cord of energy attached to you from me and vice versa.

I know your here to show me love that I haven’t received. Whether or not you’re the only one that’s suppose to show me that or not I don’t not know yet. That’s the journey we are currently on.

You’ve never had someone care for you like I do? Have you? Is that the same reason that I’m in your life.

The painting that I made reins true. I’ll find you again wherever we end up next. That resonates with me.

Yes I’m gonna back off with the lovey dovey stuff. The whole reason I think I’ve been doing it is cause I want you to do it back to me. Step out ya comfort zone. I think I like to challenge you.

Don’t be worried that I’m obsessed with you. I just love you. There’s not an obsession. If I was obsessed I would have done some stupid shit. I would have made you think I’m a perfect person and manipulated you. Granted. I don’t genuinely know how I would do that. I’m just being authentic and fully me with you.

I’m attached I believe because you’ve shown me what no one else has. Actual love, kindness, understanding, stability, a genuine connection, you’re supportive. Hell you may not tell me I’m cute and sexy and all the things I wish you would. That’s why I ask you a lot.

I don’t want you to get hurt again. Cause I know you’ve been hurt really badly in the past. I don’t want that for you. I’m so worried that someone is gonna sweep you up. You’re gonna fall for them, they are gonna tell you that you’re not allowed to talk to me or you have to block me, and then boom you’re just gone. I’ve done that with so many people. I always give and give and give. I never get anything back.

But. With you. I’ve gotten stuff back. The energy and effort I’ve put into you I’ve received back and then some.

When you told me earlier that we needed to talk. My brain automatically thought. This is it. He’s gone. This is what you’ve been afraid of. This is your biggest fear. Him showing you something youve never had before. And poof he’s gone like that. But you’re not. You’re still here. You still love me. You still care. Granted we both want what we can’t have. But that’s okay. That’s something we work thru. Nothing is easy. Especially this.

You’re telling me this cause you don’t want me to get hurt. Cause you’re afraid you’re gonna hurt me and I’m gonna get mad and never speak to you again?

That ain’t gonna happen. Ever. Never ever. “I’ll find you again wherever we end up next.” Hold on to that phrase remember it. Cause it’s true. I’m always gonna find you. You’re always gonna be a part of my life. I guess I’ve been waiting for you. That’s that. We may be soul mates we may not be. I have nooooo idea. We are something tho. That I can promise. Shit if I died today. We’d find each other again. I’d always be with you. Honestly I could die happy at this point. I think you’ve shown me genuine kindness and love. You’ve shown me something new.

I’m still gonna buy you shit that you don’t need or want. Just cause I do that for everyone. I literally bought a bunch of worms just cause Emily wanted a worm curtain.

Hell we may move on from each other. That may very well happen. I’m not cutting myself off for you. If someone that I think is cute and that I think they like me too then imma prolly try it. Is that okay? Is that gonna hurt you??? I haven’t really found anyone like that yet. Just you so far. But I’m not gonna limit myself.

I will say tho. That if you say. Yes I wanna try to be boyfriends. It’s not gonna be an immediate yes. You still gotta take me on some dates and we still gonna have to like work on some stuff. Just like anyone would. For right now we are just what we are. I don’t wanna call it just “friends”. Cause I don’t wanna label it that. But I don’t think we are quite romantically talking either. We are just doing what we wanna do. When it’s time to not. Well know.

Also. You’re not even 20 yet. You’ve still got shit to do. I’m 24 I’ve still got shit to do. I’m not ready for a long term relationship anyways. It just wouldn’t work right now. I wasn’t even looking for someone to date. Then you rolled around and I was like. Well shit. I just wanted to have sex with you at first. But then ya worked some kind of avery magic and we are where we are now.

So yes. Date Kai if that’s what you figure you want. I don’t think you really need to tho. I don’t think you need to date anyone at the current moment. I think you need to work on other stuff. Just keep like talking to whoever and having fun. But be honest about it. Don’t hide anything.

Just still love me and hang out with me. That’s all I want and need. Even tho sometimes I long for more. But ultimately that’s all is needed. I know I have some work I need to do on me even before I’d be ready to be your boyfriend or anyone ones.

So. Just keep coming over. Maybe we’ll have some sex, maybe we’ll make out. Maybe I can teach you some stuff. Help you discover new things. But we will still hang out. Cause I love you.

I’m not gonna be missing out on anyone or wasting my time if I wait for you. People do not get romantically interested in me. Trust me. So I’m not wasting my time. You’re not wasting my time. If someone comes along and I fall in love with them. You’ll be there first to know. But rn you’ve got me. Soooooo. Imma just be patient. Until you tell me that I shouldn’t. When you tell me there is no chance in hell that we will date that’s when I’ll start getting over you. Till then imma just be patient.

Typing these out make me less anxious. Granted I’ve HAVENT gotten out of my bed since yesterday. Cause I still don’t know what’s going on. I still don’t know whether to let you go or to keep you close. I’m just confused and sad. I haven’t cried again yet. I haven’t self harmed. I haven’t even really felt like it tbh. I haven’t really felt like much actually. I think I’m still processing yesterday. It was really back and forth.

So what are we now? If we keep hanging out is Kai gonna stop talking to you?? I’m really worried about that. That’s not fair to you. And if you do date Kai. I’m not gonna be mad. I’m gonna be very very worried. I don’t believe your ready for a relationship and I think it would end not so well. BUT that just what I think. And I’m still kinda worried about Kai. I’ve just had a weird feeling and I still do. That’s just me being honest and open.

I think I’m okay with just hanging out and not being lovey dovey for now. I’ll do my best to not be lovey divert. If I do just tell me.

[soulwillower]

buttercup • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested: Would you mind writing a Richie Tozier X reader soulmate AU where Richie is VERY self conscious and he finds out that the reader is his soulmate and the reader is well known and very pretty, so he’s just like djjdjfgjjcbvnfnf but once they actually meet she really likes him? :0 thanks if you consider!

warning: swearing, angst, richie being edgy and also a bit unstable (king shit), neuroatypical richie!!!, fluff, soulmate au!! <33 also sorry this may be rough, i havent edited it at all

[reader + losers are in college]

lmk what u guys think of this one,... idk LOL

4.1k words

♡

richie was about to be sick. yes, he really, really was going to vomit in approximately ten seconds and he didn’t know what he was going to do. the room, full of barely-adults chugging jungle juice was sweaty and bustling and the walls were closing in on him quick. those people who weren't in the main rooms were doing sniff in the bathrooms and blocking his pathway to heaven (the toilet) so he quickly stumbles towards the sliding-glass door.

he passes a guy who claps his shoulder and says in a deep voice, "you good, bro?"

no, no. he's not good, bro. thanks for asking, though.

as he finally breaks free of the plastic, out of the crusty balloon that was holding his body hostage, he takes a deep breath and sprawls himself on the back deck, staring up at the clouds in the nighttime sky. maybe he should go home and mull this over, before he crams it down his own throat and chokes to death, alone and broken on the back deck of a 22 year old business major's rental house.

he laughs to himself - an image which he's sure would be a full on maniacal scene to an onlooker - as he lights a cigarette with very shaky fingers. even if he chooses to give this situation some thought, he will end up being forced regardless because this is, quite literally, richard tozier's destiny.

y/n y/l/n is richie's destiny, and it makes him feel like complete shit.

you see - his whole life, richie knew about the fucking soulmate tattoos. of course he did, everybody did - it was, like, one of the first things you learn, ever. he knows that there's basically a soulmate for every person and often times the soulmate marks were different, the ways of finding your soulmate were wide and far.

for most of richie's life - actually, almost all of it up until the last month - he'd had a big, fat 0 tattooed on his arm and below it a humiliating phrase that was quite the epitome of richie himself.

yet it never changed, which led him, his friends, and his parents to determine that he'd gotten a time-counter soulmate mark, which he likes to pride himself on believing he did not give a single fuck about.

the number is supposed to count the amount of time that you've spent with your soulmate, and there's usually a sentence or phrase that's associated with your soulmate's first thoughts of you below it. and yeah, of course the first thing the lucky guy or gal thought of richie is 'wow, those are the ugliest socks ever.' pretty fucking on-brand, if richie says so himself.

so yeah, he never really paid attention to his soulmate mark - partly because the thought of emotionally opening up to someone enough for them to know his whole and true self was repulsive and terrifying enough to make him physically ill, enough for him to develop a crazy sense of humor as a less-than proficient coping mechanism for the insecurity and fear that lives in his mind rent-free, 24/7 365. but mostly he didn't pay attention to the mark because, you know, he thought it was lame.

that is, until it changed from the 0.

it happened on the first day of classes fall semester of this, his freshman year of college.

which, honestly, was a huge fucking bummer, because he literally came into contact with almost 800 new people that first day through classes, dorms, walking around campus, and the dining hall. and yet, as he got back to his dorm and smoked a bowl with bill, he'd noticed that his arm had said 00:51:26.

bill had been so excited he'd almost lifted richie through the roof, because 'holy sh-shit, rich, y-you did it!'

it was hard to believe someone was out there for him, though. and yeah, he didn't give a fuck about it, but he also kind of did.

richie, now thinking back on that day, groans a bit. if he'd just known, if he had just fucking looked at the thigh of the girl in front of him with the soft-looking grin and the alluring scent of orange creamsicle shampoo, who'd smiled a bit when he borrowed a pen - if he'd just known then that y/n was meant to spend the rest of her life with him, he could've... well, he's not really sure what he could have done.

he thinks to that moment in time, as he was blowing smoke out the dorm window with bill and giggling as he ate an entire bag of cheez-its, and how much he wanted to know who it was back then.

but tonight, it had become a nightmare when the information practically fell into his lap. he's at this house party in late september, and about five minutes ago it was just boring enough to warrant sitting on the rug in the living room and just fun enough to actually stay.

“-yeah, she said the first time you guys met was in microeconomics, right?” ben says, and richie huffs in agreement as he picks at the skin on his nails. ben was talking about her again, and richie's heart was beating stupidly hard. y/n, one of his closest friends that he'd made outside of the losers, never failed to make his heart run a goddamn marathon.

“-she told me the first thing she noticed was that you were wearing socks with sandals. and she thought that your socks were really ugly.” he finishes with a laugh and richie’s head snaps up at that. he feels chills spill over back as if he’d been doused with ice water and he gapes at ben. “wait, what?” richie shudders, the words escaping his lips quietly enough that his friends mistake it for a forceful exhale brought on by offense at the word 'ugly.'

“well she was right to think that.” stan says from behind his solo cup, carefree, as if richie’s life wasn’t crashing to an alarming and unbelievable halt. eddie giggles faintly somewhere from the floor where the losers are sitting, but richie’s mind is reeling too much for him to react to or even comprehend anything.

“rich, i th-thought i got you to st-stop wearing socks and sandals so long ago.” bill adds, laughing into his hand. but richie’s barely registering any other fucking information because he’s staring at ben, who is finally noticing his friend’s perplexed face. “you good, rich?” ben asks carefully.

“wh-er, wait. what exactly did she say?” richie asks, really not wanting to know the answer and yet wanting to know more than life itself. it can't be her. he’s getting odd looks from everyone now, but he's starting to breathe quickly and he thinks he might vomit. he kind of regrets never showing anybody but big bill his soulmate mark, because he's suffocating right now in embarrassment and bill is a little too drunk to assume what richie's assuming right now.

“wait, y/n y/l/n, right? from my dorm. she’s here tonight, she told me- oh, y/n!” stan calls, looking directly over richie’s shoulder. it happens so fast. y/n, in the flesh, walks past at just that moment, breaking out into a breath-taking, world-halting smile. richie's chest hurts worse than it ever has before as she waves and bustles over to plop herself next to richie. and holy shit, she's wearing shorts because even though it's cold out, the house is warm and richie can see dark ink on her thigh. a soulmate tattoo. he can't draw his eyes away even though his brain is screaming to knock it off because there's going to be something there he doesn't want to accept, but he then does it anyways.

he almost hyperventilates as he reads the words emblazoned on her thigh,

27:36:08 and right below it: "holy hell her hair smells like orange creamsicle"

he almost sobs right then and there as she greets him with a soft hand on his shoulder, completely unaware of their fate and richie has to stand up abruptly because he can literally feel the numbers changing on his arm as the seconds go by with y/n at his side.

and now, mere minutes later he's out here, laying in self pity as anxiety claws at every inch of his body and fear tingles on him like the slight presence of snowflakes falling on his skin - briefly he wonders if, as an older man, he'll wonder how he never got cold wearing nothing, vulnerable as he welcomes in that falling snow.

he would be totally daft not to wonder how he ended up with a soulmate like her, someone not only so fucking attractive but so kind and undeserving of a monstrosity of a human like him. she is, in every place he isn't, a complete and utter success of a person; he's a hurricane where she's whitecaps in the sea, he's loud and abrupt while she is kind and outgoing. maybe they do work well together, hell - they spend enough time on study dates outside of class for him to know that he does really like her. but richie also knows his standoffish, happy-go-lucky and untamed personality paired with his unwillingness to make himself appear vulnerable to most people will probably have a very large impact on... whatever it is that happens with y/n.

because that's really the point, isn't it?

she is stuck with him. bucky beaver, the trashmouth, mr. i-can't-keep-my-trap-shut-for-three-seconds. y/n, the most incredible person in this world, is the kind of person that was designed for richie to admire from afar, as he is so willing to suffer through. because as much as it hurts to watch her and to love her without loving her, it is a thousand times safer for both of them than the inevitable look of disappointment that will befall y/n’s angelic features when she discovers who her burden of a soulmate is.

the thought makes richie choke out a weak sob, sitting up and digging the heel of his palms into his sockets, trying to scrub out the image of himself from his brain. awful, awful, bad.

he takes a long drag from his cigarette and for a brief moment he wonders if, just maybe, she’ll love him back eventually. the thought makes him feel like crying all over again.

huge nose, big teeth, awkwardly skinny and too tall. maybe he's got nice hair, but he sometimes wakes up too late and can only brush his teeth and swipe on deodorant before he's sprinting out his dorm with his pickle socks and stan's old sandals, trudging to class and getting in the way of y/n's future.

but he is her future, after all - how can that be right?

he doesn't have enough time to take another drag from his cig as he hears the glass door open, the noise from the party bursting through the gap in the foundation of the house and sending him back to five minutes, ago, inside. he cranes his neck and can't bring himself to be surprised when he sees her, backlit from the party inside and figure in his mind standing like the only being in the world.

she thinks he looks devastatingly beautiful tonight. she loves the awkwardness in his bones, the way he carries himself with confidence although she's not sure he always really has it. he's wearing some dumb socks again as usual, though they're mostly covered by his black pants and red high-tops this time. it makes her smile softly.

she wants to know him, really know him, as more than just a classmate, a crush, a boy who's friends with stan uris from the floor above her own room. she wants to feel his large hands on her in more than just fleeting greetings, knucks to the shoulder or jaw. she wants the sharp taste of nicotine and mint from those life savers he was always sucking on in her own mouth as he holds her tightly against him, she wants to know everything about him and be with him, even if they aren't somehow destined to be forever. which, she thinks with an array of wild animals tumbling around her chest, they might be.

after all, someone at this party is her soulmate, and she's almost 99.8% sure it's richie. it gives her the most beautiful butterflies she's ever had, even when he stares at her from the deck with glassy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"what’s up, buttercup?” is all she says, in her mind because he's stunned her to near-silence once again by just existing, and in his mind because she is the most perfect being.

he doesn't respond despite being completely charmed by her, because he's breathing in the nicotine and its making his fingers twitch and even though he's sober by now, he thinks he may be tweaking a bit, mostly from the overwhelming set of information that just smacked into his face when y/n walked over into that room.

he watches as suddenly she's dropping herself so she's sat next to him, her legs swinging off the edge of the deck. she eyes his cigarette. "that's so unhealthy, rich." she says softly, teasing but with a lacing of truth behind it that really makes richie itch to never smoke ever again in his life. but he's a stubborn ass, so he instead takes a deeper drag, maintaining eye contact. he can feel one tear slip from his eye and he feels so fucking melodramatic as he does so, but he's at the lowest he's been in a while, so he gives himself a bit of credit.

she reaches out and pulls the cigarette directly from between his lips, sending him a pointed look as she presses it out on the finished wood of the deck. he wipes the tear away when she's not looking. and as she turns back he smirks, unsure what else to do, as he blows the smoke out of his mouth towards her face.

"hi, toots." he says in what he hopes is a normal tone, despite his blotchy and tear-trailed face. she blinks her eyes owlishly at him but just shrugs, "you left a little prematurely back there. what, do i smell that bad?" she jokes. no, he thinks, you smell like orange creamsicles.

it's bittersweet, the irony in her statement. because he knows that she probably knows what she smells like every day, as it's literally tattooed right on the meat of her leg, on display for her and whoever else lucky enough to find themselves being acquainted with the skin of her upper thigh. the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

maybe if he were feeling a little less in-the-dumps, a little less like a complete and utter disappointment and failure that ruined this sweet girl's life, he would have ribbed her back a bit. you know, grind her gears in typical tozier fashion.

but he's exhausted and so distraught that he can't bring himself to even look at her. "i'm not in the mood" he grumbles, his heart pounding. she frowns, tilting her head.

"okay, what's wrong, richie?" she asks, and it's in that caring voice that she uses that isn't pitying but simply solicitous in nature. her calming force on him is obvious and immediate and his teeth stop rattling around in his head

he wants to scream because she's burning warm and perfect while he's frigid cold inside his body; a wasteland full of broken slinkies and half-formulated 'your mom' jokes that are melded to the crust of him with the tar that's been sucked straight from those damn ciggies. for crying out loud, if he were to so much as touch her, she'd get corrupted.

she notices as he scoots a bit away from her, and her heart hurts. he's so upset, clearly, and yet it hurts her that he can't trust himself or her enough to open up; no fault of his own surely, but heartbreaking all the same. "i care about you, and i really want to be here for you." she says it like there's going to be more, but the words kind of die in her throat as she realizes the extend of her words.

holy shit, she thinks, i'd go to the ends of the earth for him. if richie asked me to, i think i'd probably kill the queen.

"i stubbed my toe, and it really hurts." he says then, and the absurdity of his excuse makes her laugh out loud, head tilting back towards the moon as the bubbly giggles tumble from her lips. she looks at him after and his face is a twisted mix of affection and utter pain, a combination that hurts her to her core but lights a fuel in her that makes her want to help him.

"it's true." he mutters, motioning to his shoe limply, and she looks at his foot, the tip of his converse scribbled in sharpie with the word 'half-brain' and then a bunch of hearts.

"i like your socks." she says absentmindedly, grinning at him as she says it, voice teasing. but the reaction she was hoping for was nowhere to be seen as richie suddenly heaves a hiccup-sob, one so upsetting and quiet that she thinks she misheard it.

but he's keeling over and clutching his face with his hands, shaking his head, and her heart breaks. "richie, honey please tell me what's going on. or i can just sit here, if you'd rather-"

her sentence is cut off with richies own rushed words, expelled from his mouth so quickly that it's almost as if they were trying to escape while his lips tried to hold them in.

"-you're going to have to spend the rest of your life trying to force yourself to love me, and that terrifies me.”

as he says it, his stomach twists itself inwards at his admission and he thinks he's going to be sick. he doesn't deserve you, you're going to resent him for it. she's silent for a few moments, and he doesn't dare look anywhere near her as tears trail down his solemn cheekbones and drop onto the black corduroy that wraps around his jittering legs.

"richie, please, what are you trying to say?" she says quietly, sounding scared, nervous, upset... richie did that. it's his fault. he tilts his head back, his brain buzzing in guilt. "fuck," he says, and it comes out broken, "you... i- you're my soulmate." he says, looking down to where his chest rises and falls almost unnaturally, a consequence of muscle memory being tampered with by the lethally college combination of nicotine, alcohol and marijuana on an empty stomach.

earlier he was afraid that if he opened his mouth too wide he would lose control of his tongue and then the words would come out without him wanting them to, but he knows he's basically sober by now, as sober as y/n is next to him - he's just neurotic, but he doesn't want her to know that, because oh god, what if she hated him for it?

she wouldn't, right? isn't she supposed to find a way to love him?

this was a really stupid idea, but in his mind it was one that had to be done. shutting his eyes, he tugs the sleeve of his left arm upwards, taking a shaky breath. again, it's silent as she reads the words written there. wow, those are the ugliest socks ever.

she stares at the words, and the number above it, then she looks at her own thigh, where the exact same number counts on in time with his.

he wastes no time, though: "-don't worry, doll. i've got it figured out, we can just- maybe we can get yours covered and you don't have to think about it anymore. fi-find someone better, like, oh, bill - he'd treat you nice i think. just- we don't have to think about it, i'm sorry." he says in one breath, not looking at her at all.

"richie, how can i be yours if you're not mine?" she says thickly because she's fighting off tears wondering how someone so incredible and full of life could feel so undeserving.

"you can't want me, you can't." he insists, not looking at her as she gapes at him because if he were to look at her expression he may lose it. it's quiet again in their own little world here, the air silent and numbing as y/n takes a breath.

"oh my god, wait richie how are we this stupid?" she asks, perking up and lightly slapping his arm. he looks at her in shock as she begins to laugh, "we've been alone together so many times. how did we not notice?" she asks, and he chuckles a bit, shrugging.

"maybe we're not the sharpest crayons in the drawer, toots. all i'm sayin' is that i figured it out first." he says cheekily, and secretly both of them are shocked to see how quickly they fell together, as if the knowledge that they were made for each other made all their insecurities fall away.

her face softens again. "you know, i saw my timer counting tonight and i was hoping more than anything that you'd be here. that we'd be-" she adds softly, a hand landing lightly on richie's thigh, sending licks of flames up his body. she takes a breath and restarts. "do you know how fucking bad i wanted it to be you?"

and just like that, y/n unintentionally provides a luscious mix of words and tricks that fill him with barely enough confidence to let him bet when he knows he should fold.

what's life without a little risk?

he meets her eyes for the first time in a few minutes and hers are large and hopeful as they wait patiently for him to give her something. but he still can't speak without running his mouth, so instead he cups her cheeks. her lips part slowly and he stares in awe at her raw beauty, unable to hold it in longer.

he presses his lips to her quickly and to her it feels like he is trying to prove something. it makes her heart soar as he comes alive against her, pressing as enthusiastically as she is into him. he tastes, as she'd guessed, like nicotine but mostly like a mint and it makes her grin as he pulls back.

"is this okay?" he's asking then, his thumb soothing over her cheek sweetly and giving her the same butterflies she gets when he smiles; the very same butterflies that release when he says anything to her, when he comes to her dorm for a study date with two red bulls in his hand, and when she realized their tattoos beat the same.

"yeah, of course." she whispers against his lips, the feeling of his teasing lightly making her sniffle. she presses their lips together again, this time warmer, more comfortably and his hands move to her hips and tug her closer, her hands winding to his neck as his own hands explore her body, caressing her sides gently. he pulls back and holds her softly.

"your hair smells nice." he says sheepishly, and she grins so widely she thinks she may split in two. her heart flutters as she looks into his eyes, finding nothing but love. "orange creamsicle, huh?" she asks with pink cheeks, and he laughs lightly, nodding his head. "best smell ever, babe."

"you make me happy." she says it onto his lips again, and the shiver that runs down his spine is a feeling he wouldn't mind feeling forever. his heart soars because he believes her, he trusts her. she wouldn't lie to him.

"we're so dramatic, aren't we?" richie jokes, his walls sliding back up a bit, but as y/n cuddles into his chest, head against his beating heart as she presses kisses to his neck, he realizes she accepts him.

"yeah, well. we're made for each other, aren't we rich?" she asks gently as his hand falls to brush over her thigh, right over the words. "that's right, toots." he says softly, looking down at her hairline softly, still in disbelief that it worked out for him. she turns to look at him, cheeks dusted a bit as she leans up to press a kiss on his lips.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings​ @stenbrozier​ @simplesammyx​ @dickology64​ @clownsloveyou​ @baby-yoda-a @moon-shine-baby​ @daughter-of-the-stars11 @lets-vibe-bro​ @trashedfortozier​ @oceandog13​ @finnskindofwoman​  @kait-tozier​ @upamongthestarss​ @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs 

[yandere-daydreams]

I feel like if anyone had Thoughts about this it’d be you but : zodiac signs as yandere ?

I have so many thoughts on this!!! I’m assuming anon wants to know about sun signs only, so that’s what I did! Keep in mind that literally every single one of these will be biased towards how I view the signs, so if you disgree then.... sorry!! (This post also might be a little long because there are. Twelve signs.)

-

Aries - Okokokok...... I would like to think..... an Aries would be a possessive, but in a very aggressive way?? Like if they’re jealous of one of your friends they will not hold back. If you wont get rid of them in your life, they’ll do it for you with little hesitation. I feel theyd be romantic and flirty, and refusing their advances just is Not an option. They’ll often lose their temper if you misbehave too much, and it wont take much to get them to that point. They’re very loud and headstrong, and will absolutely manipulate you into doing whatever they want. They aren’t very affectionate, but if you ask nicely enough they’ll begrudgingly cuddle with you (and secretly enjoy it but shhh) Their punishments: severe. Their amount of remorse: zero.

Taurus - Definitely a more submissive yandere!! Probably a delusional and when you disagree with them or tell them theyre wrong, that you don’t love them, they will probably cry so much and not speak to you for days at a time as opposed to physically punishing you. Will not get angry easily and will repress any anger they feel until one day they snap and go Crazy and break your legs or something. They will not take kindly to your nasty remarks or constant attempts to free yourself from their captivity, but they will generally react very passively because they love you and would never want to hurt you (unless they really had to, of course)!! 10/10 will make you nap with them. Constantly.

Gemini - They’re probably a little delusional, but also really obsessive and clingy!! They will force you to cuddle with them for HOURS AND HOURS and just... play with your hair... and babble about their day and the weather and whatever to keep you in their arms. It’s honestly pretty nice and relaxing, and perfect if you’re okay with lounging around all day. They’ll probably really half-ass everything too. Like yeah you’ll be in handcuffs, but if you really tried you’d probably be able to slip out of them because they didn’t bother getting ones that actually fit. Also, everytime you lash out at them they will completely brush it off and deflect everything. They will just pull you into their lap and coddle you until you’ve calmed down and stopped saying such ridiculous things to them. Will also make really dumb jokes in conversations they have with you, and you will have to laugh no matter how awful they are. I mean, unless you want to be punished (read: cuddled) more.

Cancer - A soft yandere, baby!! They will pamper the HELL out of you. They will deck your room out with the nicest furniture, get you the /softest/ handcuffs on the market, bake you your favorite desserts, the whole nine yards!! They will comfort you when you cry about your situation, but will refuse to acknowledge that they are the reason your crying. Very delusional and very manipulative, will guilt trip you into being nice to them. Very powerful puppy dog eyes. 10/10 will kiss you on the forehead and apologize for every bad thing they’ve ever had to do to you.

Leo - They were probably the popular kid in school and you probably had a massive crush on them. When u finally managed to get their attention they never stopped paying attention to you. The next thing you knew, you were locked in their attic. They are very ambitious, and once they had their eyes set on you, no one was going to get in their way. Very possessive, will cut off all of your friends for you and be very jealous!! When the roles are reversed, though, and you get jealous of their friends, it’s fine baby!! There’s nothing to be jealous of!! ^3^ Will probably spoil you a little bit, but only if you havent pissed them off recently. If you’re mean to them they will take it so personally and be so dramatic about it!!

“Can you say something to me it’s been three days.”

“I thought my voice was annoying you >:T”

“Oh my god-“

Virgo - Protective protective protective!! Will lock you in a room with absolutely no furniture with sharp corners or anything you could hurt yourself on. An actual perfectionist, will put makeup on you, do your hair so there isn’t a single strand out of place, and dress you in color coordinated outfits ONLY. Will literally take the best care of you, but it’s overbearing how much they worry about your safety all. The. Time. You will more than likely never leave the house without them, and never without at least SPF 50 sunscreen on. Will attempt to be your personal therapist, but has never properly processed and emotion before, so... they aren’t very effective. If you attempt to escape, they will punish you severely.

“Ayo I sure wish I wasn’t HERE right now ahaha sure wish I was HOME and not with YOU.”

“Oh? Ahahaha okay!” *literally breaks your fucking toes* “See! You have to stay with me!! You could get hurt much worse than this in the outside world, you have to be more careful!! :)”

Libra - Probably protective and obsessive to a certain extent. Will probably be really sympathetic?? But like in a “I cant let you go I’m sorry the world is bad and scary and I don’t want you getting hurt.” kinda way. They would want to give you a little bit of freedom, though, so they’ll let you go out with your friends occasionally, but they’ll be VERY cautious and, well, protective of you. They are very understanding and give you lenient punishments when you push them over the edge and theyre ‘forced’ to punish you, but will not comfort you afterwards to compensate for the lack of severity of their punishments. Balance, baby!

Scorpio - An obsessive for sure. Literally IN LOVE WITH YOU. Will instagram stalk you, your family, your friends, your neighbor’s dogs, ANYONE that has ever been in contact with you. They already know everything about you when they finally execute their plan to kidnap you. They’re very attractive and strong willed and will put you in your place with no hesitation, but afterwards will attempt to kiss it better because they feel sorta bad. They just want you to love them!! They crave so much attention constantly, and will want to cuddle with you and be close to you at all times. You will have to be an excellent liar, because they will be able to call you on your bullshit so easily!! They will absolutely not tolerate any lying, so it’s better to justbe honest with them, even if you think it will make them mad. 10/10 will probably stare at you for hours on end without saying a single word and then watch you sleep. All lovingly, of course.

Sagittarius - P o s s e s s i v e. Can and will beat the shit out of anyone that touches you and will beat the shit out of you if you mention someone other than them to teach you a lesson. They have very bad commitment issues because they’re afraid of the people they love leaving them, and they overcompensate for it a lot. Probably actually a little bit out of their mind beyond the whole “I have my love interest locked in my basement” thing. Will give you the bare minimum amount of the things you need to survive and will deprive you of food and water for days at a time if you say something a little too nasty to them. Is really good at saying the right things to talk you down when you’re upset after a punishment or something. Very good at making you laugh as much as you hate to admit it!! 10/10 will probably turn to sensory deprivation if all else fails just because they’re sadistic like that.

Capricorn - Very responsible, planned a lot for your arrival. Very smart, rational, and protective, they have a plan for literally any situation thrown their way. They’re very fragile but they project it all onto you, and as a result they take very good care of you. They’re kinda intimidating but actually very sweet, and they love you more than they love themself. Probably rich because they’re really good at saving money, and they’ll spoil you with every cent they have. Bossy, and if you choose to ignore what they tell you to do they will make your life miserable for the next few days. Again, they’re very serious looking and intimidating, but they have a playful and carefree side that only really comes out around you!! They love you a whole lot, and make that very clear through the gifts they give you constantly.

Aquarius - Hear me out. Remember that tsundere yandere post Daydreams made? That’s Aquarius. They are very mean and nasty!!! A true goblin, honestly. They’re totally head over heels in love with you, but they’ll make you work to earn that love, even though you didn’t ask for it. You want attention?

“Haha nerd, why would I come cuddle you?? That’s like... weird... You’re gross!!”

Do they hate you, or do they want to marry you and ride off into the sunset with you? You’ll never know, because they wont ever let you get close enough to them to figure out what goes on inside that crazy head of theirs. Overall will probably treat you well, if you’re okay with the constant bullying and berating that you’ll get from them daily, that is.

Pisces - Soft like Cancer, but obsessive like Scorpio!! Has very strong feelings for you, but doesn’t know how to manage them in a healthy way. They want you all to themself, and the only way they know how to keep you in their life is by taking you. Very manipulative and delusional.

“Haha fancy seeing you here babe!”

“I am locked in your basement and I have been for the past seven months-“

“Crazy how we just keep running into eachother! Are you, like, obsessed with me or something?”

Like Virgo, they’ll try to be your personal therapist, but Pisces is actually good at it. You can never hide how you’re feeling from them, because if they pick up even the slightest difference in your tone of voice they will dig through their brain for any possible event that could have taken place to make your mood shift even the slightest bit. Crazy, but in a very loving and wholesome way. 10/10 would take a bullet for you!!