#also my asks are open if anyone wants to ask anything abt them idk

[starlinkz]

I present to you: my lineup of freaks

Individual sheets with info and initial concepts under the cut ;J

The main three. The holy trinity. The only ones who actually have definitive names.

The rest don't have individual ref sheets yet because I want to find names for them first but you guys may or may not unlock them sooner if this post gets a decent amount of notes who knows

In the meantime have some initial concepts for them

[archangeldyke-all]

hope you're feeling better by the ghosting! Lesbian dating scene is hard out here 😭 have an ask if you're up for it. Or you can just listen abt this scenario I have, totally fine either way just wanna let these thoughts out. And you're my fav sevika writer so! It's a bit angsty/comfort ig? Basically Sevika explaining to reader why it's such a struggle to say "I love you".

Not just because it's an admission of feelings for such a character but I think it's also cuz loving someone also means you have to accept anything could happen to either of them, esp since Zaun and her job are quite dangerous. So saying those 3 words feels like accepting that risk and continue on which is a big thing to do, it's like willingly leaving yourself open to potential heartaches. Idk just recently saw posts about how love is not just a feeling but also a choice, whether to stay/commit/any other reason the person feels what love is. Felt like if the reader is the first thing she's ever cared about and don't wanna lose her (whether it's a breakup, death etc,), she would struggle saying it cuz it feels like accepting that risk which she doesn't want to. She would still make up for it by showing her love & appreciation thru other means tho! Mb the reader had anxious thoughts on whether she reciprocated, or Sevika feels bad for not saying back for so long that she felt like she has to explain why she's struggling.

Sorry if I'm rambling too long 😅 hope you have a great year ahead, love your writing as well! ❤️

i love this sm <33

men and minors dni

even though you've lived in zaun your whole life, you understand that your life's been a lot softer than it could've been.

you've never had to worry about where you'll sleep at night-- you've always had a dry, warm bed to rest in.

you've gone hungry some nights, but you're lucky enough to have never gone more than a few days without a warm meal.

and your choice in career keeps you out of the line of danger; safe and inside most of the day, home before sunset each night.

so, while you're zaunite enough to know how to keep your head down and mind your own business, you understand that for most people life's a lot scarier.

sevika's one of those people.

sevika's known grief for almost as long as she's known how to talk. she's spent her fair share of nights in the cold, and she's gone to bed hungry more often than she's gone to bed full and satisfied. plus, sevika's dedicated her life to being a revolutionary. which means sevika has a lot of enemies.

so it's no surprise that lovey-dovey words come easier for you than they do for sevika.

it isn't until two years into your relationship that you realize she's never said she loves you. sevika has to be the one to point it out.

"i think i gotta call it an early night, baby. you stay up and finish the movie." you say around a yawn, leaning forward to kiss your girlfriend on the couch. sevika pouts.

"just sleep on top of me here." she requests. you snort.

"you'll throw your back out carrying me to bed."

"that's just offensive. i could lift three of you." sevika's pout worsens. "goodnight." she huffs. "give me another kiss."

you laugh and roll your eyes. "i love you." you say with exasperation as you lean in to kiss her. sevika stiffens against you. you pull away to study her face. "'s wrong?"

"you always say that." sevika whispers. you raise an eyebrow at her, climbing into her lap to hold her face between your hands.

"well, yeah. 'cause i do."

"i know." sevika says with a tiny smile. it makes your heart flutter. it's quiet for a moment as you wait patiently for your girl to gather her words. eventually, sevika sighs. "does it ever bother you that i don't say that to you?" she asks.

you frown in confusion. "what, that you love me?" you ask. sevika nods. you sputter a laugh. "yes you do, you say it all the time." you scoff.

sevika blinks up at you in shock. "no i don't." she says. "baby, i've never said it. to anyone. ever."

oh. well, that's surprising. you furrow your brow as you try to recall an instance where your girlfriend let the words slip, and you're shocked to realize that she, in fact, has not. "oh." you say.

sevika gulps. "does that... is that bad?" she asks.

you blink down at her, and your heart shatters. "oh, baby, no." you coo, kissing her frown. "no, that's not bad."

"but-- i should be able--"

"darling, i know you love me." you cut her off. sevika blushes almost as red as she did the first time she saw your tits. you smile, brushing your thumbs over her crimson cheeks. "you make that very clear."

"yeah but i--"

"you moved me into your sacred bachlorette pad three months into us meeting. yesterday, you came home from work with a stab wound, and tried to make me dinner before patching yourself up."

"it was just a scratch."

"i'm not finished. you call me stupid shit like sweetbean and cookie-- and you do it in front of other people! you! sevika; the scary lady of zaun!" she chuckles a little bit at this. "sevika, i didn't even realize you hadn't said it until you told me just now." you kiss her nose. "it's not bad."

sevika leans forward to bury her face against your neck, inhaling deeply. "i just... i want to say it." she whispers. you nod. "i wish i could say it like you do; just, whenever i feel it." god she's romantic. you choke back your own tears as you kiss her scalp. "but... if i say it..." sevika trails off.

"if you say it, it makes it real." you whisper, nodding. "it makes it somethin' you can lose." you can feel her hot tears on your throat. you don't mention it.

"y-yeah." she whispers shakily, her hands clutching at your hips desperately. "and i can't lose you."

"you won't baby. even if the worst happens, i'm yours forever. i'll haunt the shit outta you." this pulls a startled laugh out of her, and you grin. "you don't have to say it for the rest of our lives, if you can't. i won't mind. just as long as we're together."

and that settles it.

for a while...

sevika starts practicing.

she'll spell it out to you, 'i l-o-v-e you, baby.' or she'll whisper it to you when she thinks you're sleeping.

at the three year mark, sevika can say it when she's drunk enough. it's fucking adorable.

"i have somethin' import'nt' t' tell you..." she says with a waggle of her eyebrows. you burst into laughter.

"oh, do you?" you ask.

"mmhmm. look." sevika darts forward to peck your lips, then pulls back with a proud smile. "i love'ya." she slurs. you grin.

"i love you too, baby."

"an' if this jinxes everythin' and y' die-- y' gotta make the haunting obvious 'kay?" she asks. you cackle.

"alright, love."

by the time you're married, the words are almost compulsive for her. sevika can't leave a room without shooting a 'love you' over her shoulder at you. even if you're arguing.

"oh, so you've conveniently got a fuckin' 'meeting' in the middle of the night, on your night to do fuckin' dishes?! if you don't get in the kitchen and grab the sponge right now you're sleeping on the couch!"

"it's six pm, it's a dinner meeting! i'll do the dishes when i get back! you act like i'm fuckin' negligent, but you're the one who doesn't know how to properly clean a fuckin' toilet! janna, you annoy me-- i love you, i'll be back by midnight!" she huffs as she slams the door behind her.

despite how pissed you are-- you can't help but smile a bit at her words.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom @lushh-s3vik4s @katyawooga @lesbodietcoke

@strawberrykidneystone @sevikasfan @fict1onallyobsessed @dvrkhcld @sweetybuzz25

@sluttysierraaa @snake-in-a-flower-crown @ruiwonderz @littlemisszaunite @biblicalcrybaby

@blackgaladriel @nightlyconfusion @dancingqu33n17

[mukimokai]

okay no cuz why is every kinich ship valid smh

TW: LONG ASS RAMBLING BUT FUNNY SILLY CUTSIE I PROMISE

kinlani is kinlani. like omg have you seen them: sunshine social butterfly girlfriend and her introverted moon boyfriend that she loves unconditionally. And it's a new concept for her once abused boyfriend who thinks everything comes at a cost: who gets confused when Mualani just loves him without asking for anything in return and he just loves it so much it makes him weak for her; he'd do anything for her without asking for payment like he does with anyone else because she helped him heal and she's his darling little wife who he'd do anything for.

ajawnich (ajaw with the ability to go into human form because seriously. we NEED human ajaw in more ways than one) is your typical doomed mortal x immortal tragedy in which a dragon who is new to human emotions and thinks lowly of humans slowly starts to understand humanity over the years with his infuriating yet kind human companion. Both are emotionally constipated fools; Ajaw pining like a lovesick idiot because he's supposed to hate his companion and want him dead but when that day of death finally comes, Ajaw feels no joy or happiness: just empty as he looks himself in the mirror, touching his face, or, well, Kinich's face.

oronich (idk the ship name, but also it exists lol) is two characters who are seen somewhat as outsiders by their own tribes: Kinich, while loved by most of the children, has a negative reputation for his job while Ororon is seen as a problem child and cast out of society. The two ostracised characters coming together in a doomed "we're kinda similar, aren't we?" Eddie Munson and Chrissy Cunningham style (from stranger things, sorry chat) and forming an unexpected yet wholesome and definitely welcome bond with each other (they'd tend to their garden together).

lynich (a rarepair!! a popular rarepair is a miracle honestly) is two traumatized boys, the flirt and the flustered. One who speaks the truth outright, and one who's every word is a lie. One who thinks everything comes at a price, and one who thinks everything is a trick. When Lyney tells Kinich about his connections with the Fatui, Kinich isn't mad, surprised, but not mad. How could he be? When he knows why Lyney joined? He accepts him with open arms, Weighing the costs, befriending a member of the Fatui would most likely leave him out of their shadier affairs since Lyney would never harm him, right? Right. Even when Lyney succeeds Arlecchino, Even when he becomes a harbinger, even after everything: they're together, despite all the complications there are.

basically yeah. every kinich ship is valid rn. those are the popular ones at least-(ororon and kinich is not popular but it has more content than any others I've seen and ppl actually talked abt it at one point so it's being included)

citlali and kinich is being excluded bcz that's p3d0philia: fanbase, that was your lesson for shipping characters before we even know anything about them/before they're even released smh (/lh lololol)

-

to my unfortunate realization: kinlani is poppy and branch smh (singing killed his father and made his mother run away, okay). They're basically every cliche quiet boy and cliche loud girl duo ever in history and they have that absolutely based opposite aesthetic duo vibe going on and it's wonderful i love them to bits and pieces chat.

-

ajawnich is princess and the frog in which ajaw turns into a pixel dragon instead of a frog, or beauty and the beast in which ajaw's seal is the rose curse thingie, or both. or fluttercord, cant forget fluttercord. or billford, cant forget billford either. take your pick with them honestly.

-

oronich is chrissy and eddie, could also see it being christine and raoul from phantom of the opera in which ajaw is the phantom, kinich is christine, and ororon is raoul.

(wait that's genius, im a fucking genius chat. someone make that an AU and credit me right NEEEEOW.)

-

and lynich is kinda just there i dont really know anything else to compare it to but it's giving that one scene in tom and jerry where it's like: "I love you. *smothers in kisses* Why, you set my soul on fire. *smothers in kisses* It is not just a little spark. It is a flame; a big roaring flame. I can feel it now *smothers in kisses*" (the person doing the kissing and talking is lyney in case you couldn't tell LMAOOAO)

-

anyways yeah

basically kinich harem i guess

i love being a multishipper because i can collect ships like a bitch and fawn over so many a time whenever i want >:3

also i love the whiplash between some of these: like kinlani and oronich were so wholesome and then you have AUGHHGHG angst with lynich and ajawnich smh.

sorry for rambling lmao but yeah

[gatitties]

NO BECAUSE !!!!!!!! i think we need more interactions of Assassin!Reader x Bonten 😩😩 (thank u for da reader who requested it bcs my 🫀 is beating happiness) or maybe you could make this a series??? 👀👀 bUT ANYWAYS can I request a Assassin!Reader x Bonten where Bonten was trying to find some info abt Reader but ofc Reader knows abt it so when there's a general meeting for the Bonten Executives, she appeared into the meeting like she was just watching them the whole time 🤣 and Reader is mad mad abt it. she doesn't want them to snoop around her life

(if u dont want to do this, its ok!!! no pressure. lovelots 🫰🏻)

─Yandere!Bonten x assassin!reader

─Summary: tired of so much persecution you decide to set the record straight, but you are only making a mistake

─Warnings: mención of blood, unwarranted obsession, toxic behaviors, yandere stuff

first of all, I still don't know how to write action or fight scenes, I'm sorry, second, many people will be grateful to you for the request, and third, how so many people liked it?! 😭🤚anyway, here you go (about making a miniseries Idk, but if I have any idea for this I will definitely write it 😌) @ajmiila02, @kenmasbimbo, @uniqueeggtoast, @belle643, @simpingfor-wakasa, @ihavestrawberryjam, @binibining-mariaclara, @sereinitysmind (hope that I didn't left anyone untagged)

Part one / Part Three

"You should stop turning down those job offers, they offer you a good amount and your other clients seem not to ask for your help much lately."

You sighed looking at the request manager, he took your silence to mean that you didn't really care, you never have anything stable in this world, there were always better and worse times so it wouldn't really worry you.

"Just take care to let me know if there are other people than 'Mr. B', their requests are ridiculous."

The man raised both hands, nodding to your petition, after that you left the alley where you met the manager, returning to the busy streets of Tokyo in the middle of rush hour, where everyone was walking down the street without worries, you mixed among those people until you reached a suburb of small houses. You opened the rickety door with a nasty creak, looking at the garbage that flooded the floor, you couldn't ask for more for the minimum amount of this place and location, anyway it was time to move to another apartment.

Not only because you needed to change 'home' from time to time, but because lately you had felt less safe with your environment, it all started when you accepted the first request from 'Mr. B', they only asked you to kill a man, you did your job but also you discovered the identity of that 'B' who turned out to be not just one person but rather several.

You don't usually remember faces or names that aren't necessary for your missions, so you had to rack your brains to remember those two faces you saw, then you linked them to that group you saved in that brothel a month ago. Luckily only you could see how the guy with the pink mullet and the guy with the scar who tried to stop you that time were there, they seemed to be watching your movements with a satisfied smile when they saw little drops of blood fall from your face.

You interpreted that 'Mr. B' was all that group that you barely remembered the appearance of, you thought that on that occasion they were only there to check that you did your job well, but you noticed how they started to track you after that assignment, although of course, they could not find you and their only way to see you would be for those orders, which you did not accept.

The next two months your usual customers disappeared without a trace, it's not like you received daily orders but it was strange that all your requests were now only from 'B', it irritated you because it meant a heavy blow to your name in the underground, by refusing to take orders to Bonten, no one else did it as if they felt threatened.

But the worst of all was that every step you took you felt their eyes on you, every corner you turned you saw their shadow on you, it bothered you enough to think about killing them but you seriously thought about it and it would get you nowhere, you didn't used to kill to reputable or well-known people because that would cause a more intensive search for you and those guys seemed to be at least successful because they were handling a ridiculous amount of money.

You didn't even know their names and they always seemed to be on your trail, you never let them get too close to you, but lately they seemed closer and closer to finding you directly, you got fed up, you weren't leading a quiet and peaceful life, but inside from the garbage of your work you could always have a rest from all those deaths, you could always have a little space to pretend that your life was not rubble and everything was normal.

"Looks like I'm going to have to do some special work or I'll go completely hysterical."

As you were getting ready to leave that same night, all of the Bonten executives gathered at their meeting point earlier today, all sitting at a round table waiting for Mikey to start the meeting, though he waved for Takeomi to start since he was already busy eating his taiyaki.

"As you know we have been looking for that assassin from that day, we have always followed clues but we never managed to find the person, but today, we will complete the capture plan."

They all nodded in sync, some more eager than others, after all the stupid game of cat and mouse made them feel more irrationally attracted to you, Mochizuki always enjoyed watching you mix so well with people but quickly lost sight of you that he needed more from you, Sanzu and Rin enjoy seeing you staining you with the blood of your targets, Kakucho seems to appreciate your fighting style, Takeomi sees you as a difficult puzzle to solve and Ran and Kokonoi were perhaps the least attached to that exalted image of you, but they were curious about you.

"Is everyone clear about their part of the plan? We can't let anything go wrong, she never leaves a trace and knows how to erase her tracks, so we'll have to resort to more violent methods than just watching how she goes on our faces."

The meeting continued for a few minutes, explaining each phase and step while unknown to them you were in the room ventilation listening to everything, your blood boiled listening to how they talked about how they would make you bow down to them, it was your breaking point.

"Once we capture her, we can do what we want with her?"

"Only what I allow."

Mikey got up answering Sanzu who rolled his eyes for the answer, the leader patted his shirt to remove all the rest of the crumbs, with that everyone knew that the meeting had ended although to their surprise three bullets hit the table right in front of the site from Mikey, immediately after you kicked the grate and jumped on top of the table pointing your two pistols at everyone.

"I am going to make one thing clear, do not interfere in my life, I don't know what you want from me, but I'm not looking for anything from you."

You kicked Rin's arm as he tried to grab your leg, immediately firing Sanzu's pistol to disarm him, then ducking to avoid Ran's staff.

"What about the expenses for destroying that brothel?"

"You speak as if-" you jumped from the table hitting Kakucho's hands with the butt of your pistol, moving as far away from them "as if you lacked money, I know you are 'Mr. B', there is no point in charging me for that."

"We don't need reasons to want you as our slave! If we want something we have it and you would be a great possession to us."

"Oh just go to hell, Chunzu, I don't care about you or your supposed leader Mokey, I'm asking for peace of mind! and I want you to take this as a warning."

You took a little momentum, doing a slight somersault on the table, you shot at the large window breaking the glass into small pieces, you ran towards the broken window to jump through it, the arms of Mochizuki and Rin trying to reach your body unsuccessfully, you spun in the air and fired one last time before your body was thrown from the top floor of the building, disappearing into the darkness of the night and the buildings.

The bullet made Mikey's dyed hair move slightly, a couple of cut strands slowly descending to the ground, everyone fell silent watching their leader look at the window you had thrown out of, Kokonoi snapping everyone out of their daze.

"Mikey…?"

"If she want to play that game we'll play, before it was a whim, but now it's a necessity, I want her here."

He turned now looking at the wall where the lead bullet had been nailed, brushing the hole and scratching slightly to remove the small object, he smiled observing the shape and caliber.

"Let's start… analyzing this."

He took one last look at his most trusted executives before walking off fiddling with the 10mm bullet, they all looked at each other with a new flame burning in their eyes, you're only making things worse, you should have run but it was too late to get rid of them.

[presidentkittycherk]

70s au!!!

literally just made a post in my community that i was too angry to make anything for it cuz i missed the 70s au vibes from college but guess what im back asl cuz nikklepoilled sent me the cutest art of 70s au hehe

SO mini lore explanation:

the christmas party happened. aaron came to the office party and brought john and it was a messssssss ill write morre abt it later. eliza brought alexander home for the holidays and the same went down as usual: alex tries to fuck angelics and angelica don tgive a damn hellllll.

peggy failed her first semseter at college and ong the only person who know is angelica and angelica told peggy that if she doesnt work as her lab assistant she gona tell their dad sooo thats drama.

(posted in another post but peggy just started college and angelica works in a reasearch lab :P they lowkey a fun duo like pinky and da brain sigh) MORE ABOUT THEM HEREEE

..

new years eve its a blast at da gay club evb has fun no drama until its new years kiss time n laf dont wanna make out n public n herc like y? laf like i dont wan them to think were fr... and herc like WHAT? we be fuckin almost evey night what tf u mean. we at the gay club what tf u mean. and laf like well i know but theyre not supposed to know!!! and herc looks over at jeffmads kissing he jealous asf but pushes thru. (theres drama here like laf dont wanna make things official cuz he confused asf <but still loyal omm> and herc NOT confused he want laf so bad and they fuck and freak but its just a matter of labels <get it sewing ahah> and herc interacting with jeffmads so much and seeing how public n freaky they are makes him sad.. but laf just doesnt understand.. or does he!)

..

the office comes back for christmas break! and thats when miss maria reynolds walks into their life..

The drama with her is she just got divorced so she needed to get a job and guess what aarons quitting gave the offic an opening for her! she hops in and she immediatley has a queen off with jefferson and then she tries to get with madison (madison was waiting in the closet for jefferson in some sexy lingerie, she coems in like heyyyyy .. wiat.. hes like GET TF OUT shes like oh my god and sees jefferson go in... smth like that) and then the jefmads turn it up to 10000% with freak out of anger!!!, when madison shwos no interest she moves onto hamilton and they start a work affair!!!!!

the drama with THIS is that ANGELICA AND MARIA ARE EXES!!!!! ill write more on how that worked out later cuz i havent elaborated on it too much yet sigh. more about maria here

John and eliza work it out!! in regards to THIS DISPUTE HERE

johsn still iffy and he lowkey mad shes mad at him for not doing anything! she apologises and they make up though. i dont know if this will come to divorce plans? or if shes like well im lowkey over him not butttt i got this baby.... and like idk. idk how i want it to end but theyre good friends again, elizas just asked alex to stop visiting her at work(he still does and every time it ends TERRIBLEEYYY)

amd burr is lurking.... hes about to do something drastic....

okay thats all sigh... been thinking some but not that much........ pierre came into my life and my schedules been busier..... sleepwalker au got me fighting a html war.....

-

also! anyone who wants to join the 70's au community LET ME KNOWWWW rn i only have a few people that i talk to more reglarly in it, but let me know if youre interested! i do request you be 18+ cuz i be talking about freak shit and in a more private area liek that i would prefer adults only :3 thank uuuuuuu (and ill obs still post shit on my main, thats just a more dedicated area for conversation and play meheh)

[meh-kris]

how do u rekcon ouran host club and mystic messenger kinda like meet in the middle for an au? cuz obviously with mm u plan a party and stuff and with ouran host club u have the just club and do different themes n then at the end they have the fair (which is such a bittersweet painful episode I love)

(omg I cant believe i’m asking someone abt both of these combined UGH it feels so GOOD LOL)

A FELLOW OURAN + MYSME FAN HIHIHIHIHIHI

some not so great english down here so mind me ;;

Maybe Jumin just has some sort of connection to Ouran or something like that? And then RFA somehow gets involved

Both of the premises of Ouran and RFA are to appease people (Ouran is more female oriented tho). They both solely exist for the sake of providing happiness to others and stuff.

I think Jumin and Kyoya are quite similar. So I could totally see them discussing business plans with their fathers and shit like that haha then maybe Jumin could ask about Ouran Academy and what curriculars they have (for advertising?? idk lol) and then Kyoya mentions subtly about helping people in the Host Club.

So then maybe the Host Club decides to sponsor RFA and thus begins their journey 2gether!!!

I kinda suck at these types of things but the fun part is when the characters MEET TOGETHER!!!

Jumin and Kyoya as mentioned earlier are already cooperating with their respective businesses and stuff. I don't think either of them would open up or anything, but they're kind of similar in a way? Straight to the point, communicative in ideas and mostly likes to start new projects ehe >_<

Tamaki and ZEN would be a good duo as well, with Zen actually attracting more customers to the Host Club which makes Tamaki feel that their purpose is being successful!!! They would talk about entertaining people (and how grateful it makes them feel to keep their fans happy). They'd be blabbering about how beauty is important etc. etc.

JAEHEE AND HARUHI I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT THEM FOR SO LONG AHHHH. Ok ok THEY'RE SO SIMILAR DOWN TO THEIR PERSONALITY, THEIR PATIENCE, THEIR DEDICATION *AND* also did I mention they look super similar to LIKE THE HAIR RAHHH!! But ahemm... Anyways. I feel like they'd get along on how their friend group is always being crazy and they're both basically the voice of reason/mom friend (tho they'll not say this all the time but they care for them so much and everything they do they want them to be safe and susjsksksk)

Honey Senpai and Yoosung tbh. I can see Yoosung practicing baking and creating pastries and cakes just for Honey Senpai (the ultimate taste tester) to try it out (maybe Haru and Jaehee could bake for both of them too XD). I can see Yoosung asking help from Honey (despite their age difference lol) since the maturity levels kind of differ. (I'm not very well versed in Honey's personality so plz forgive me T_T)

Mori Senpai... I feel like maybe he'll get along with V or something? Lol. Both are kind of the protectors of the gang(??? Ok I'm just making up bullshit at this point). Mori doesn't speak much and neither does V (in the chatroom atleast) soo.. Lololol. V could appreciate Mori's dedication to help anyone in the club while the former just nods lol

HIKARU AND KAORU TIME BABYYY!!! They'd trick Seven for sure but with some wit Seven would be able to differentiate between the two. The twins would joke around and get along with Seven since they have crazy humour together (and maybe Seven wishes, he was as close as they were, with Saeran)

Sorry if this rant kinda sucks. My wording isn't very good and I just can't express myself in words properly... But I hope u could understand my ideas!! Aha, tysm for sending this ask <333

[hanasnx]

hey! i can't stop thinking abt i was made for loving you and it's the middle of the night when im writing this pls so don't mind the ramble of questions im about to throw at you or just ignore it if they make no sense haha

this concept was so interesting! i also super enjoyed the ask about reader beginning to avoid logans touch, imma a sucker for a good angst, but it did have me thinking…

would he care if she wanted to find physical fulfillment in someone else, or would he only care because it was stepping outside of her vows?

did he marry her because it was the most secure way to have a continued hand in taking care of her or because he wanted her as a wife? i saw that you mentioned the reader being one of his strays, does he view her romantically? of course he loves her, but is it a platonic love? does his love edge closer to parental than anything else? was marriage just the best way he could protect and care for her? we've seen how strong logan's father instincts are

i keep thinning abt the angst of being on the knives of edge of all you've ever wanted, but being unsure if you're all he's wanted in return or if you were a duty for him to fulfill

idk these are the thoughts i was having while trying to picture myself in her shoes, thanks for writing such a lovely piece! <3

no problem i love questions & inbox messages. you’re all good

i care a lot for the dynamic in the IWMFLY drabble it was a very vulnerable piece for me to write. i also enjoyed the ask that talked about reader’s continued and evolving reactions to it so i’m glad you did too

inside of the drabble i think it mentioned that reader doesn’t want anyone else. to put it plainly, physical attention means nothing to her if it’s from anyone else other than logan. so she won’t seek outside sources, and even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t let herself bcos of the sanctity of her own marriage she agreed to. there are plenty of ppl that can do open relationships, but this is not an example of one at least not in its prime form aka IWMFLY

if reader thought maybe, just maybe, she’d want to try it out just to see if anything would help, logan would actually try to be supportive in his own way. he has concerns, but in this rare case he doesn’t voice them bcos he doesn’t actually know how to. for a while you’d try to find someone, but you’d compare them to logan and everythng would just fizzle out. logan would think about how you’re out doing stuff he can’t be there for and feel that concern creep up on him again and it would be a catalyst to communicating with you about how he’s not ready for this but if its real important to you he’d try. but you’re not ready for it either so the open relationship experiment doesn’t continue

as for the paragraph about why he wanted to marry her, all of it is very accurate. marriage was the best way to keep her close and protected. it was largely inspired by his platonic relationship with rogue in the x-men movies and how he views her as a friend with an edge of parental protectiveness, and she has a complex crush and admiration for him and sees him as a trustworthy companion. so bottom line reader and my fic is inspired by rogue.

logan still doesn’t know he collects strays, is always reluctant about it, and it first he was hesitant with you too but he fell too fast. he couldn’t leave you behind and he couldn’t let some other guy who’d treat you like crap make an honest woman out of you. it had to be him. and you said yes, and he’s sure you knew what you were getting into. he does feel parental and platonic over you. you are important to him and he’s obligated to you by choice, and marriage was a way to do that and to prove that devotion

loved this ask :)

[gutsroses]

Welcome!!

Please read for details ↓

Hello I am an Indonesian self taught artist, and this is my art side blog. My english is not that good, so sorry if I mistaken something.

I have joined this fandom since 2017 and had just recently got smacked in the face with it again after years.

Idk how Tumblr works and I thought I was making a second account (i suck at this) so i probably look like an old lady who just lost her glasses. Bear w/ me..

I am mostly active here than my main (@Gvnsroses) I made this blog because I wanted to organise them separately.

———

Asks & Doodle request: Open

Ask me anything abt me or my pookies (Deuce & Hare)

———

Before you interact

I am a Queer person and a multishipper, i also sometimes do some selfshipping stuff. Be mindful of what you type down and that any harassment will not be tolerated here or anything that makes me uncomfortable will immediately be blocked without questions.

Anyone under 13 please don't follow, I might draw some bloody or suggestive stuff (not nsfw but just a warning) Thanks.

———

Aaand here's a boring introduction of Me.

My sona ref sheet + music artists that i listen to

(there's more but i couldn't fit them all):

Tags:

My art tag: #knvart

Ask/Request tag: #knvask

Fav: #☆

I have my own Undertale AU, Deucetale. Deucetale, is currently still in slow progress, i am working alone (+ with the help of my sister) I'm making this au for the purpose of having fun.

I hope you enjoy my works.

———

That's all, thank you.

Updated 2025/03/17

[failingvrath]

what kinks do you think each life series member would have?

for science :)

completely forgot abt this but THANK YOU for this ask i am so insane about the life series members. will only be doing 3rd life members for now but will do other members and hermits if anyone wants someone specific! the members will be split in groups of five.

In this post is Scar, Grian, Cleo, Etho, and Skizz.

anything red will be what I think is a big kink for that member. anything blue is a smaller kink.

Scar:

I think Scar has a huge thing for showing off or being seen as a whore. Whether he tops or bottoms, subs or doms, he wants people looking at him with lewd intentions and therefore. He also acts SO oblivious to what he says but he manages to never miss a "that's what she said".

I personally think he's a top, whether dom or sub, but for receiving...

• Exhibitionism

• Humiliation

• Hair Pulling

• Edging

• Restraints (wrists)

• Degradation

• Objectification

For giving and in general, however...

• Praise

• Size difference

• Humiliation (again)

• Overstimulation

• Dacryphilia

• Breeding

Grian:

I think Grian is an absolute bottom. Just gotta get that out there. I think he's a whore and wants to be told as such, but I also think he's a mean dom <3

For receiving...

• Praise

• Degradation

• Humiliation

• Asphyxiation (by giving oral)

• Overstimulation

• Impact Play

• Dacryphilia

• CNC

For giving and in general...

• Size difference (he's a size queen I know it)

• Degradation

• Edging

• Breeding (he wants to be bred)

• Sensory Deprivation (mainly blindfolding)

Cleo:

I think Cleo really likes to mess with their partners, tease them for ages until she starts getting bored of it. She definitely likes the surge of power, and I think they'd only want to top and dom.

For receiving...

• "Ma'am" kink

• "Sir" kink

• Mommy kink

For giving and in general...

• Degradation

• Praise

• Edging

• Begging

• Dry humping

• Dacryphilia

• Humiliation

• Force Fem

• Breeding

Etho:

I don't think Etho would be super sexually active or involved, but I think he would really like to watch his friends fuck! I do think he would prefer to bottom, if he were to have sex.

For receiving...

• Praise

• Force Fem

For giving and in general...

• Voyeurism

• Dacryphilia

• Praise

• Size difference

• Bondage (specifically that Japanese rope)

Skizz:

I think Skizz would honestly be open to do anything at all. That man is both vanilla and a freak he just goes with the flow I think

For receiving...

• "Daddy" kink

• "Sir" kink

• "Mr." kink

• Putting his partner in subspace

For giving and in general...

• Omorashi

• Praise

...

man idk. this is just what i think they'd be into and i do not know why. well i think scar might be open to omorashi as well actually. like i am not omorashi at all, but i think my fav might be a lil bit. i think mainly for the loss of control with it yk. anyway loved doing this!! ty for the ask <3

[rose022]

hi~ im rose! (among other names lol, ask for them or find them) welcome to my intro!

matching! @easysweetheart

- dont feel bad about blocking or unfollowing me, just wanna say this. i may make posts abt being confused when i see people leave but curate ur own experience, be happy

- you can call me whatever you want idc, just lemme know. like genuinely any nickname. i do have others tbh but ehh

- yeah yeah im an adult so dont block me if i like ur post and u say mdni ight? also for any minors if that makes u uncomfortable u can leave. if i post some here, its likely jokes in some form. both nsfw and suggestive are tagged just like that

- pronouns are whatever is funniest in the moment. or just use your own. neos are ok

- asks and dms always open for anything. i won't really reach out first but i promise you can always talk to me about anything. if you don't have anyone else or just want to talk about a particular thing or want to vent, etc. like genuinely pretty please talk to me about your interests i will gladly listen!!! <3

- also you can always tag me in anything!! i love tag games (i may take a bit) and if theres anything you think id like or reminds you of me id love to see it!!

- don't really have a dni but like i will block you if you're a bigot. im a fag and autistic if you don't like that go away idc. also if you are pro cop or military stuff fuck off

- i post about whatever i want all the time. you may follow for one thing, but there is no consistency here other than what i like. i have too many things i like

- i am not mentally well. there will be vent posts that are on main sometimes. i tend to post them on my vent if theyre particularly bad but there will be some here. you never have to reply, i will be okay eventually.

- if we're mutuals please tag stuff with cw rose for anything with touya or akito being shipped with anyone else or TBHK nene and tsukasa as a ship, self harm images, stuff about spiders (or any bugs kinda) mostly pictures of them or them on someone (bees moths and butterflies exempt), needles if theyre detailed not cartoony, real life gore of animals or humans (not sfx or art just real stuff), sa, stuff about veins, and please use tone tags but mostly just for joking or sarcasm as i tend to assume everything is serious.

- MUTUALS PLEASE TELL ME STUFF TO TAG FOR YOU!!! i do my best to read carrds and intros and stuff but i might forget please remind me please. gore and sexual stuff will get tagged as gore and nsfw but it's mostly explicit stuff. things are tagged as what it is, not with cw or tw.

- !!current things i tag are homestuck, eye strain, saiouma, bsd, religion (marlo dont look), elie shoo (csm saiouma gore), suggestive (anything relating to anything nsfw like jokes or anything else), adrien no look (alcohol, crickets, girl interrupted, hospital innuendos clowns, child death, natural disasters), deco 27, emetophobia

- tags

#rose rambles - my posts

#rose tagged ramblings - i made a separate one for when i talk a lot in tags

#rose art - quite simply rose's art

#rose ocs - the sillies from my brain

#ask rose! - asks

#rose pics - look i don't get creative with naming these i think you can tell

#rose cosplay - ^^^ yeah

#helpful - things that could be helpful to anyone

#save - similar to above but more so personal things

#important - maybe not technically helpful but i think people should see

#favs - self explanatory, i believe

#sillies - similar to above but not really

#luv - mutual appreciation mostly

#heart! - things made by mutuals!

#liebe - things made for me!

#mecore - woah thats so me frfr

#rose writing - idk man take a guess

#für das rose - submissions aka post limit

#favfavs - fav art or fandom things

#wm - reminds me of ocs

(i wanna like fix all my posts to have tags but i reblog so much and itll take me a million years to get back to the start of my account atp. maybe one day.)

- commission info

art:

writing: $2 per 100 words (?)

i also take requests for these!! or other stuff but like it will almost definitely take me a bajillion years to finish so if you wanna make sure i do something, gimme money. but u dont gotta its ok ily anyways

i have a k-fi rose226 and dm for p-ypal

- sideblogs

@nightcord-luka-official dead

@luka-spotted most active

@daily-akiyama-mizuki dead

@daily-asahina-mafuyu dead

@kokomi-sangonomiya-official

@mafuyu-asahina-official

@wansho-luka-official

@junior-high-enanan-official

@fischl-official

@rosemusictime lol no followers

@oz-the-bird-official (to translate my Fischl)

@ako-udagawa-official this and above in progress (there will be no progress i died)

@daily-purple-character send reqs

@rose-poll-account

@aoi-shirosaki-official pjsk oc rp blog

@hikari-itsuki-official ^

@yuki-jigoku-official ^

@kei-makura-official ^

@roseswonderland things i make

@yuki-spotted

@niigo-va-updates

(i may remove u as a follower depending on if i trust you enough for these next few but if we're mutuals ur pretty much safe)

@engelgram oc gram, to hold the name

@ a

@moonlit-thoughts22 vent

@selfless-lvr selfship/kin

@softrosebud agere

@shhh-its-rose moots only ig. random idk

@eros-engel fuck it. nsfw blog.

(guys i think I have too many sideblogs help)

im not active on many other social media but if we're mutuals you can ask for like anything and ill probably have an account. somehow im most active here tho (and in one discord server but u guys cant join)

[iamstuckinthevoid]

Intro!!!!

btw if ur my moot u can tag me in anything (ik some people get nervous abt that)

Pronouns: she/her

Sideblogs:

@yassified-slenderman

@in-stars-time-and-zombies-au

(If its not on here, its not mine!!!!)

oh also my deviantart is voidartzz if u want that I post art on there sometimez

Warnings:

I'll probably post about s/h, it's all tagged but just a foreword to blacklist that shit (eg: tw sh, cw sh, tw sh mention, cw sh mention, etc.) Also don't worry abt me I've been clean for a while (and do not want to kill myself this is mostly just jokes abt it)

Fandoms I might talk about (or if you want to talk about them just dm): Moral Orel, DHMIS, DDLC, The Stanley Parable, Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel (only critically though, fuck vivziepop), Heathers, The Good Place, JTHM, Squee, Invader Zim, Red Dwarf, Doctor Who, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, Cult of the Lamb, Mindless Self Indulgence, NIИ, American Psycho, Oingo Boingo, pjsk

DNI:

idgaf really, just mdni blogs can't follow because I'm a minor (it doesn't make me uncomfortable but it's weird that people violate their dnis)

Age: why do YOU wanna know?? (minor)

Shit I post: random bullshit mostly but sometimes ocs and art idk

Uquizzes:

(Silly friend group stuff)

(Totally not a cult)

(Smorky)

(Quiz from that time i went to an open mic lol)

(I regret making this I WAS A KID WHEN I WAS CRUSHING ON THEM OK??)

Tags:

#this is literally amazing- stuff I really like.

#this is literally so funny- stuff I find funny.

#keys speaks- original posts, most of my older ones don't havi this one so whoops.

#keys speaks of irl- irl posts, ditto for the above.

#GOD BLESS KING AND COUNTRY- complaining about where I live/UK stuff.

#Keys&Toddney- some ocs

#smorkposting- click on that tag here and see him yourself.

#keys if they were written by vivziepop- for like EXCESSIVE swearing (I actually don't care about censorship it's just a funny joke)

#art- self explanatory.

#ocs- ditto.

#asks from the void- asks

#complaints department- being a pissy lil bitch

#useful- stuff that is informative

#useful for later- same thing

#Keys speaks of The Void- in character stuff for Keys (my sona), feel free to give them an ask!

#shadow guys- my shadow dudes

#ghost oc- that guy

#manniquinn guy- minnie the tiny ass bitch

#ian core- shitty haircut man

#cherri- robot girl

[wrongcaitlyn]

if nico ever got a podcast (i feel like he would just so he could yap about stuff he likes) what would it be about and would he bring any special guests to it?

oooh this is interesting. tbh i never imagined nico getting a podcast just bc it’s kinda official, and if he wants to yap abt stuff will is happy to listen and nod along (he will listen to anything nico says and vice versa)

HOWEVER someone i do think could possibly make a podcast are piper & leo or lou ellen & cecil!! i feel like youtuber to podcaster is a pretty common pipeline and let’s be real lou ellen always has stuff to talk about, but also piper and leo as a duo are one of my favorite things ever, and i just imagine them getting drunk one night and being like omg we should make a podcast and then fully commit to it

if one of those duos made a podcast, nico would 100% be featured on it!!!

however to answer your original question, in the hypothetical situation of *nico* being the one to make a podcast, i could imagine the featured people would literally just be his friend group, like every single person in his friend group several times around. OH KAYLA WOULD LOVE IT TOO she’s also a certified yapper and would love having a podcast or being featured on podcasts

and generally as a rule nico is extremely chaotic when it comes to the content he puts out, so i don’t think there’d be a specific theme - literally just whatever he feels like talking abt. he’d open his voice memos and record an hour long rant abt smth with no script and then send it to an editor who’d condense it into something kind of sensible

but mostly it wouldn’t be, bc that adhd kicks in and nico’s train of thought just goes like back and forth across his brain idk why i just imagine like a pool table and his thoughts are the ball and it just goes from one thing to the next and to the next and there’s literally no theme, no central message, it’s just thoughts

which would make a feature very fun, especially if said feature is also extremely adhd like leo, people would watch that podcast and listen to the same episode over and over again just to try and make sense of what their line of reasoning is😭😭

thank you for the ask! i honestly never considered this so a potential podcast will now be consuming my thoughts for the next few days - bc the more that i think abt it, nico WOULD just do a random side quest such as starting a podcast out of the blue. his one motto in life is just to never let anyone guess his next moveJDKDJ

[cute-emo-boi]

Idk if anyone would remember me but I used to run a decently large mogai/ queer centric discord server called Cringe Culture Reclaimed. I think I went by the name Crim or Crimson if that sparks anyone's memory.

I'm just making this post to come clean about my sudden disappearance (ik I shoulda made this post ages ago shhhhh) and update people on where I am now with queer stuff and stances and all that.

I started to grow tired of modding CCR and became less and less active since I felt kind of excluded from the community I had made, as my opinions were rapidly changing and I was becoming more and more proship, pro para and pro transid, and feeling forced to ban anyone who was a big 3 paraphile, proship or used any sort of transid label just to keep the community happy.

I'm not blaming anyone in particular, but once you have a big community, you can't just change your opinion on something and expect everyone to go along with it and support it without backlash.

But yeah to update ppl on where I'm at now with my identity and stances and all that, I just ID as queer as in weird to encompass all aspects of my identity. I've also come to the realisation that I'm profiction and a paraphile (anti contact), which I had suppressed since I had been surrounded by antis and felt I wasn't allowed to think for myself. The paraphile part may tie into my queer identity. And well, I just think if someone labels themselves queer, then they're queer. So simply being weird or having a strange non-normative identity can be queer. Including objectum, fictophilia and any other kind of attraction or paraphilia. Including feeling queer about your age, species or anything else. Basically I've become more radqueer aligned, however I am still critical of some aspects of the community. I have my reasons for my beliefs but I don't want to make this post longer than it already is or go off topic, but feel free to ask me abt them

I know this is gonna make some people mad, but I just wanted to be open about where I am now. Post is written poorly but I can't be assed proof reading it at 1:30am lol

[tryhardgwen]

omg my first platonic fic

this is a platonic showmaker & chovy (& faker) runeterra au with proplayers as league of legends champions (kindred). i used a lot of league of legends canonical lore and then spun it with my own ideas :]

idk how tumblr works again but i realize I can do a lot more long form messages here so I will probably use this blog to put my thought process about writing fics? i will put that below, but it has spoilers so if u wanna check it out probably read the fic first !!

named after the sleep token song:

i chose this song to name it after this not only because the obvious kindred relation with "the eyes of the wolf / the mouth of the lamb" but also because of the other lyrics!

"for so long I have waited / so long that I almost became / just a stoic statue fit for nobody" is very much the grey man coded.

"the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me" would talk about the creation of the kindred, and lamb and wolf. they are each others escape.

"i know i know the way that it goes / you get what you give / you reap what you sow" well... kindred. they give death, and... ok imma stfu.

"and just like the rain / you cast the dust into nothing / and wash out the salt from my hands / so touch me again /i feel my shadow dissolving / will you cleanse me with pleasure?" i think speaks to the relationship between lamb and wolf again.

"nobody can say for certain / if maybe it's all just a game / when I open my eyes to the future / I can hear you say my name" is what I perceive to be the kindred and the grey man's relationship. :>

in the end notes i vaguely touch on the idea of the "LCK Mid" which I think is one of thee most interesting dynamics in lolesports. I've been wanting to write plat fics for a while to sort of explore. in my eyes the holy trinity of the lck mid would be faker, chovy, and showmaker. man I love them. also my grammarly keeps autocorrecting showmaker to shoemaker and its so annoying lmao.

but anyway they r SO INTERESTING! in this fic i tried to include a lot of parallels, from how showmaker as lamb knows more than chovy as wolf—because chovy hasn't won anything internationally unlike showmaker has. chovy's more hungry, because he hasn't won a world championship yet. not to mention their relationship with faker—each having a diff specialization and aspect of their gameplay. showmaker has said many times about how he doesn't want to be the next faker so i made him despise the grey man here. with faker as the grey man i again use the whole "alone at the top" trope because... oh my god I'm a sucker for that. he's got everything, but everyone hates him, and he is lonely. plus my ending + the cyclic nature of the world/of the esports... faker will always be there. it will always come back to him. there will be other midlaners, but its always faker at the end, or so it seems.

anyway! i had a lot of fun writing this fic. it was very challenging and out of my comfort zone because it was platonic and abt people I haven't written about before, and because its a lot more... abstract? it relies on parallelism and reading between the lines. idk. my brain is dumb. i am also dumb. i just vomit words on a google doc and pray for the best.

if anyone has more questions u can ask here on tumblr or on retrospring. please be nice bc again tumblr scares me. i am easily scared.

[irrealisms]

You dont have sex because you're waiting for marriage or because being gay is a sin?

man i dont remember posting anything abt not having sex/celibacy/being side b before this ask, idk what this was inspired by. it's probably bait (and, quite frankly, it's none of your business why i'm having or not having sex) which is why i waited almost a full week to answer but i'm going to answer it anyway (once) because i want to be open about this. if you or anyone else is interested in having a discussion on why i believe the things i do, send me a message or an ask off anon. i'm much more willing to be vulnerable in a setting that isn't "anon question that is probably bait".

as a clarification that will probably mean very little to my secular followers but will be appreciated by my side b followers (and hopefully at least mean something to my side a Christian followers): i reject this dichotomy. i'm celibate because i'm gay--but i don't think being gay is a sin. i am gay. i do not believe my existence is a sin. i believe that i've found many beautiful and true things from being gay, and that God made me gay for a reason. i am glad i'm gay, and i don't wish i were straight or pray to become straight. so, so much of side b advocacy within the Church is focused around making it clear that, while being gay comes with different temptations than being straight, it is not a sin to be gay. (note also: different temptations. not "being gay comes with temptations and being straight doesn't".) it would be a slap in the face to not start with that. i share a lot of thoughts on this with eve tushnet, who's also a side b Catholic lesbian; this post was incredibly meaningful to me on my journey, but check out her blog if you want more.

but also, yeah. i don't have sex because i converted to Catholicism with the intent of obeying the Church's doctrine. i note in my bio that i obey the doctrine of the Church. and, well, i can't get gay married as a Catholic, and i'm not supposed to have extramarital sex. so i don't i know that there are side a Catholics, many of whom i respect, but i'm not one of them. i don't believe in "ex-gay" therapy or "pray the gay away" and i don't think that being gay is inherently sinful, but (and here's the part that i assume you're reading for) i do believe that having gay sex is a sin. i follow the teachings laid out in the Catechism, to the best of my ability and understanding. that's in my about page. right now, for me, as a lesbian: that means celibacy. the Catechism is pretty clear on that, imo. i don't talk about this often because most of my friends (and, for that matter, tumblr followers) are queer non-Christians, many of whom have trauma around Christianity and Christian homophobia (which is, to be clear, very real, even if you agree that gay sex is a sin). but like... i'm just living my life. i go to Mass on Sundays and i fast during Lent (or get permission not to from the local priest, when my eating disorder makes it a health concern) because doing otherwise would be a sin; not having sex (or masturbating! which was/is tbh much harder for me to give up than partnered sex! but people ask a lot less about that, because it's less discourse bait and more clearly none of anyone else's business) is the same sort of thing, to me. was it hard (is it hard)? yes, sometimes. but God doesn't just ask me for sacrifices that are easy. maybe some day i'll change my mind again and become side a or deconvert altogether. maybe i'm wrong about things! but this is where i'm at right now.

for what it's worth, i'm happy. i don't hate myself. as mentioned earlier, i'm glad i'm gay and i don't want to be straight. my life is full of love--from friends, family, God. celibacy has had its downsides and painful moments for me, but it's also had its upsides and moments of joy. i've been able to deepen and prioritize and value my friendships. it's been valuable and beautiful and worth it. fundamentally: i believe what i believe, and i'm living true to that. if you want to unfollow me for this, go for it. if you want to filter it, my tag for religion + queerness + being side b is #too gay to live too trad to die.

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!