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farmhandler · 4 years ago

Text

My Everything

Rated: T

Pairing: Shifty/Richie from “Rockababy”

Word Count: 3k~

Summary: Shifty wants to know why Richie likes taking photos of him so much, and he gets his answer--and much more.

A/N: So this comic by the amazing human being @c2ndy2c1d is just really special. And then I wrote a fic because somebody had to, so please read the comic!! I was so charmed by all the characters, and I cannot resist this kind of nerd/jock/coolkid dynamic so here we are. I got permission to write this, so I hope I don’t butcher their characterizations! I tried to keep my interpretations as true to the comic as I could. Enjoy <3

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“How long do I gotta sit like this?”

“Just a minute!” Richie says. It’s the same thing he said ten minutes ago, and then five minutes before that. He adjusts his camera lens and then poses again, taking another several photos for god knows what reason. “Just don’t move. I need to get the right shot…”

Shifty doesn’t move as promised, but his tail gives the table beside him a solid thwap to show Richie just how thin his patience is starting to run.

“Why do you want these photos anyway? You’ve taken like—thousands already, I swear.”

“This is the first time I’ve gotten photos with your tail entirely intact.” He snaps another photo. Shifty lets out an explosive sigh and turns his head to give his neck a break. He’s lying on his stomach, ass up in the air, posed to give Richie ‘every valuable angle’ to get all the photos he needs for his research.

Research, research. It’s always about that damn research of his. He’s always makin’ Shifty turn this way and that, exposing every part of himself to Richie’s camera. Shifty can feel his face starting to turn pink, and without a doubt he knows the rest of his skin is sure to follow soon. It’s easier when he’s a human and there’s only so many places that can turn colors.

“I was hoping I could find a remedy to make your tail grow back faster,” Richie says forlornly, lowering his camera. “I’ve still got a lot of work to do.”

“Hey, you’re doing great,” Shifty says. He sits up, ignoring the look on Richie’s face and lifts one leg to his chest to give his arm something to lean on. “You helped make that medicine that took my pain away. That was pretty good.”

“Yeah,” Richie agrees reluctantly, staring down at his camera as if a medical marvel isn’t comparable to fixing Shifty’s tail—which was gonna grow back anyway. “But I wanted to figure this one out. I was so close…”

Shifty shrugs. “You’ve got time. Why worry about one little thing?”

“It’s not little,” Richie says, looking up at him. Even through his huge, nerdy glasses, his eyes burn with a passion that always leaves Shifty feeling strangely breathless. “I want to help you, any way I can.”

“So you’ve said,” Shifty says, off-hand, like his body isn’t changing colors. Richie’s gaze doesn’t shift, and Shifty keeps his eyes down at his feet, ‘cause otherwise he’ll never get the color to go away. “Why do you care so much about taking photos of me anyway? I mean—” While Richie stares at him, Shifty wrestles with his words, suddenly finding it hard to articulate something that’s been running through his mind since this whole thing with Richie started.

“What is it?”

“You’re always taking all these pictures because you think the way I look is—”

“—fascinating,” Richie finishes for him.

“Uh huh. Right, fascinating.” Shifty looks around for the pack of smokes Richie keeps for him and finds it on the shelf behind him. He lights it, once again ignoring Richie’s sharp look. No smoking inside, he’s always saying, but Shifty’s been dying for one for hours, and the rooms got great ventilation. “But let’s be real for a minute—don’t you prefer it when I look human?”

It’s not insecurity that makes Shifty ask the question. Well, not completely. Sure, he sometimes feels insecure about being so different from everyone, but he doesn’t wish he was a human. Hell no—they’re fragile as hell.

Richie blinks at him. “Why would I want that?”

“Well—” Shifty pauses; stares down at his hand and starts the shift, lifting human fingers for Richie to see. “I don’t know, don’t you like it more? I look like you.”

“But you’re not like me,” Richie points out. Shifty shifts uncomfortably, weighing Richie’s words. The way he says it—it shouldn’t hurt, but it unexpectedly does.

Something in Shifty’s face must give him away, because in the next moment, Richie steps forward, his eyes wide. “And that’s a good thing! You’re not like me, you’re like you. And sure, the Shifty I knew at school and around town is a handsome guy, but I also really like the real you.” At Shifty’s continued silence, he continues. “Would you prefer it if I looked like you?”

“Well, no,” Shifty admits. “You’re a human.”

“Exactly. You’re perfect just the way you are.” Richie walks up to him, even closer now, those damn chocolate brown eyes boring into Shifty and makin’ him turn fucking pink. He can feel it happening because it always does around this guy; he’s the only one that can do this to him as often as he does, and the nerd has the gall to act like he has no idea what he’s doing.

He lifts his hands and cups the sides of Shifty’s face, the warmth of his hands seeping into his skin. The way Richie is looking at him—it’s more observational. Maybe he’d even describe it as clinical. Almost like business as usual, with Richie ignoring his personal space and putting his warm hands all over Shifty, only this time, with the topic of their conversation at hand, Shifty can’t take another second of this one-sided embarrassment.

He shifts, his body morphing and skin swirling until he’s almost entirely human. By the time he’s got his human face on, Richie has realized exactly what kind of position they’re really in. With his eyes still stuck on his, Shifty feels a vicious sense of satisfaction when Richie’s cheeks start to color.

“I—you—”

Shifty lifts his hand up over the back of Richie’s hand—the one that’s still hovering by his face uncertainly. “What was that you were saying about me being handsome?”

Richie’s glasses slip down his nose. He flicks his eyes down, and then the color in his cheeks darkens.

Do I have something on my face? Shifty wonders.

“You’re naked,” Richie squeaks. His hands snap to his face so fast that he basically slaps himself and ends up stumbling back, still trying to cover his eyes from Shifty’s naked form.

Huh, he thinks, looking down at himself. Forgot I was wearing real clothes before.

“Come on, sci-fi, it’s not like you’ve never seen me naked before. I’m naked all the time, in a way.”

“Yeah, but—” Richie turns and peeks out from between his fingers, then whips around again. “That’s different! You’re usually wearing clothes why aren’t you wearing clothes now.”

“They’re usually such a pain that I always morph ‘em, but today I decided, why not try wearing some?” He scratches his chin. “Then I forgot about ‘em.”

Seeing Richie so flustered by his human self when he doesn’t seem to give a damn about a naked alien makes him feel…annoyed isn’t the right world.

“Hey,” Shifty says, stalking up to Richie with his cigarette still in hand. He takes a drag and slides up behind him, wrapping one arm around his waist. Richie jolts with a gasp; Shifty does what he does best and shifts, letting Richie feel the way his body changes, morphing back into his alien self. “You don’t think this part of me is handsome?”

“I’m not answering that question,” Richie says. His ears are red. Shifty feels the oddest urge to bite them.

“Oh, so human me is hot, but not real me.”

“I’m not—you’re not—that’s not what I’m saying!” Richie turns around, fixes his warm eyes on Shifty, and points an accusatory finger at him. ��I have to remain impartial. It’s bad enough that you’re all around me at home, being…the way you are—”

Shifty takes a drag. “The way I am?”

“Like that! Just like that. Handsome, cool, mysterious,” Richie starts ticking things off his fingers, to Shifty’s disbelief. “I mean, does smoking even do anything to you? What do your lungs look like?”

“I thought you hated all that stuff?” Shifty asks, ignoring the question.

“Well—” Richie’s flush still hasn’t dissipated. He takes off his glasses and starts cleaning them. “Even I can acknowledge that from an objective standpoint, you’re attractive.”

“You think I’m hot?” Shifty says, meaning it as a tease, but it comes out like a genuine question. Richie looks up at him, all intense as usual, and something in his face shifts.

“Yes,” he admits, face flushed and looking a little shaky on his feet. But his eyes—there’s that glitter; the glamor of intrigue that he always directs at Shifty and anything worth a dime in his mind. “I do.”

Shifty goes to take another drag of his cigarette—he isn’t sure what to say—but his damn hand is shaking and he’s reached the butt end, so he lets his hand fall and stares up at the ceiling instead. “Huh,” he says. “Well, uhm, thanks.”

Richie doesn’t reply; instead, he walks up to Shifty and takes the cigarette butt from his hand and tosses it in the nearby trashcan. He has to reach over to di it, and their fingers brush; it feels electric. Shifty inhales, his heart pounding, and chances a look at Richie.

He’s now staring at him with such an intense look that Shifty wants to laugh. But man—those eyes. Shifty would never say it out loud, but he loves the color of Richie’s eyes. He likes the way he looks at him when he’s taking photos, or when he’s sleepy, or when he’s found something new and exciting to fixate on.

Richie’s hand slides over his. He leans forward, and Shifty leans back on instinct, bracing himself against the desk behind him. He’s so close that Shifty can practically smell the aftershave he uses, even though he’s barely grown a single hair on his chin—

“Richard, dinner’s almost ready!” Richard’s mom calls from the landing leading to Richie’s mini laboratory set up in their basement, cutting straight through the tension and demolishing it.

They separate lightning fast. Shifty morphs into a human (with clothes) on instinct, and Richie’s looking down at the table, his face red.

“Richie? Carrot?” She’ll cycle through all the petnames she can think of if he doesn’t answer soon. “You down there?”

“I’m here!” Richie calls. He glances at Shifty, face full of an unnamed emotion. “I’ll be up soon!”

Once her footsteps fade, he sighs and drags his fingers through his hair. Without his glasses on his face, and with his hair slicked back— Shifty wishes he had something to put in his mouth, keep him from saying something he might regret.

“We had better get up there,” he says lamely, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Before the food gets cold.”

“Yeah, we should…do that.”

They’re quiet for a few minutes, both of them lost in their own thoughts, reluctant to leave this space. Richie’s mom never comes down there, so it’s practically theirs: the two of them. Shifty is still thinking about Richie’s hand on top of his. Humans run so hot, and Richie’s like a furnace running in the high heat of summer.

Goddamn it, he thinks, grinding his teeth. He feels unexpectedly angry, for reasons he can’t explain.

He turns and starts walking towards the stairs, and that’s when he feels Richie take hold of his arm.

“Wait!” Richie cries, stopping him short. “Shifty, wait.”

“What is it, Richie?” he says, without turning. “I’ve got my eyes on your mom’s monthly meatloaf—”

Before he has a chance to say more, Richie grabs him by the labels and yanks him forward, straight onto his mouth. It’s not graceful by any means—Richie’s glasses nearly poke Shifty in the eye, and the angle’s all wrong, but it’s good. Hell, better than good, it’s great.

It’s chase, with no tongue, but Richie pulls away to adjust the angle and nearly trips backwards over his own damn feet, so Shifty ends up being the one to wrap his arms around Richie’s waist and pull him in for another kiss. And another. And then maybe a few more after that, until Richie has his face in his hands again and—god, his mouth is so soft, and his hands are so warm. Shifty could just melt in him. He’s just glad he’s not shifted, ‘cause otherwise he’d be pink up to his eyeballs. Plus, it’s easier to kiss Richie like this.

The series of kisses lasts probably only a minute or so, but it feels like forever. And when they pull away, hell, Shifty’s really glad he’s not shifted, because the look Richie is directing at him could make fireworks light up.

“That was one helluva kiss, Richie,” Shifty manages.

“Your skin,” Richie replies, brushing his thumb across Shifty’s cheek. For a second he’s worried he’s shifted back, or worse—this form now comes in the same shade of pink, too, but when he looks down at himself he can see that speckles of his scales have crept into his skin. They’re probably on his face, just under his eyes.

“Guess I just lost a bit of control for a sec,” Shifty admits, rubbing the back of his neck. Richie’s eyes widen, the look on his face is the same look he gets when he’s filing away important information for later. “Jesus, Richie, not that I’m complaining, but…what was that for?”

“I wanted…well I—I wanted to do that. Kiss you, I mean, even though I’ve never done it before, so it was probably bad—”

Shifty opens his mouth to interrupt and say that it wasn’t, but Richie continues quickly, the flush on his face down to his neck now. Maybe humans can turn completely pink when pressed.

“But I also wanted to say that I’m sorry. Shifty, if I’ve ever made you feel like you’re just a specimen or—or a lab experiment, then that’s not right. You’re more than that.” He takes Shifty’s hand and squeezes, eyes locked on his. “You’re a kind and intelligent and amazing friend, and you’re so beautiful. No matter what form you take.”

Shifty ducks his head. Praise isn’t really his thing; he doesn’t like being the center of that kind of attention, but on the other hand (and literally, he’s holding his hand), Richie has become an important part of his life he’d rather not do without. He likes having him around, even if it’s for his ‘research’.

“Hell,” he says, not sure what else to say. Richie gives Shifty’s hand another squeeze, and the place where they’re touching tingles. Shifty’s heart is still beating fast, and the words he’s been thinking about just slip out of his mouth. “You saying you wanna go steady, or what?”

It’s almost phrased like a joke, and for a minute Shifty wants to take it back, because how is that anyway to ask somebody out? There’s no way Richie would take that and go with it, but when he looks at his face, Richie’s mouth opens, and then his eyes light up.

“Are you seriously asking me?” he asks, and adds hastily after a long pause, “because the answer would be yes. I would. Very much so. If, um, kissing you wasn’t obvious enough.”

“I’m seriously askin’,” Shifty says, then realizes that while Richie gave him a nice little speech, he hasn’t really returned the favor. “You’re a nerd, Richie. There’s no gettin’ around that.”

“Hey—”

“But,” Shifty continues, raising a hand. “That’s how I like you. You’re wicked smart, and you get me, maybe more than anybody else around here. You’re one of my best friends, aside from Buttons, and when you’re in your element you’re pretty damn cool.”

A smile slowly splits across Richie’s face, until he’s grinning from ear to hear. That hand that’s still holding onto Shifty’s tugs him forward. For a second Shifty thinks he might try to kiss him again, but maybe he used up all his confidence when he did it the first time, because all he does is hold his hand and smile.

Fuck. Shifty clears his throat. “So we gonna eat, or stand here all night?” Not that he would mind.

“Oh! Yeah, my mom’s probably waiting for us. Come on.” Richie pulls him towards the stairs and Shifty goes without protest. They’re still holding hands, and when they reach the ground floor it isn’t until Richie’s mom finds them that he finally let’s go.

“Honey, I’ve been waiting for ages. What were you two doing down there?” She takes in their appearance and the flushed look on Richie’s face. “Carrot, your face is so red. Are you feeling all right?”

Despite the completely innocuous question, Richie’s face makes a complicated expression and he flounders for a response. “Ah— we— I mean I— "

“Science,” Shifty answers smoothly, flinging his arm around Richie’s shoulders. “You know how it is.”

Richie’s mom looks at them, her eyes flicking between the two, and then she claps her hands together. “Oh, don’t I ever! Well, enough science for the night. Let’s eat!”

“Very smooth,” Shifty says to Richie after she’s gone ahead. Richie frowns at him.

“You’re one to talk.” He raises an eyebrow. “’Science?’”

Shifty shrugs. Richie’s frown softens into a soft smile, and before he can metaphorically attack Shifty with his warm eyes, he steals a kiss from Richie’s half-open mouth, grinning when he sputters at him indignantly.

“Come on, sci-fi, meatloaf’s waiting,” he says, letting his hand linger at his lower back, just a while longer.

#is there a tag yet #rockababy #rockababy comic #read this comic or else #c2ndy2c1d #shifty #richie #a classic dynamic #3k #my fic #what do i know about science? well ill have you know NOTHIN #and it shows #i know it's a crime that buttons isn't in this but with another person my dialogue gets out of HAND guys we don't have TIME for that #couldn't think of a title either!! titles are hard #the summary is kind of a lie im sorry if u thought it would be spicy

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with-the-same-tattoos · 3 years ago

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what brush do you use for your lineart? it looks so good ;;

AAHDSHD;;;; TYSM FOR ASKING IK THIS IS A SIMPLE QUESTION BUT I WILL USE ANY CHANCE I GET 2 RAMBLE ABT ART TECHNIQUE & WHATEVER BC ITS MY FAVE FUCKING THING IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD

My brushes r actually quite simple !!!!!!! I built them to compliment my very freehand/sketch style. If someone is interested, feel free to ask, I can check how to make them downloadable/whatever, but really I have just a couple things that I focus on when it comes to them!!!

Square tip. I use one in CSP called quadrado, I think its in the original set, I'll have to check that out later? But yeah I feel a square tip allows for some fun angular spots to really come through !!! This is also super popular in painting I think, angles & sharp edges r super important there

Shape dynamics. The super basic stuff. I have two main brushes; my basic square, which is for draw flow stuff, and a rough square, which i mostly use to fill in bigger areas / do some extra shading with. My basic square has more flexibility (a bigger range, a lower minimun value) and the rougher one is less flexable and most of the time chunky.

Density. I find density options more appealing to me compared to opacity, but I cant tell why? exactly???? yk???? But yeah. Again, basic square has more flexibility, and rougher less. I find the flexibility & range in my basic brush SUPER important, since i like sketching within my linework and erasing it away/cleaning it up. (difficult to explain- if someone wants a video feel free to ask)

Basically:

oSoOther settings go a bit more into semantics. I also use a blender tool to sometimes soften areas, and often my eraser is set to erasing on all layers so I can kinda build my linework ON my sketch layer and use it in the back as some extra flow.

My current style of drawing is inspired by som rly specific artists that I can talk abt if someone wants 2 hear. I do intend to experiment w stronger lines, im just a wuss and like all... squishy stuff ; v ;

U DIDNT ASK, but again bc i just loooove rambling abt this shit, some additional things that have personally helped me w linework!!!

Those super basic linework practices !!! Just drawing straight lines endlessly, drawing a squicle and trying to replicate it now w a slower stroke

Forcing urself to sketch fast; croquis !!!! I recommend croquis cafe for anyone looking to do this kinda stuff online, its GREAT. Just focus on the time, not how good the sketch is. Croquis is FANTASTIC. it helps u develop muscle memory for unique strokes, develop understanding of what u need to pay attention to (are you paying attention to shadow, light, where the weight of the body is, the squished parts, the stretched out parts, the skin, the muscle, the hair, etc) (ive personally done sessions just focusing on darkest shadow, midtone shadow etc, or light, or the stretched out parts, or just like, a few lines to give the idea of the pose ((eg 5 sec croquis)) ((tho i havent seen those in any web stuff, i had a class where we had those and they were fantastic))) anyways DO CROQUIS AND ALLOW URSELF 2 SUCK AT IT DO IT UNTIL UR HAND HURTS AND UR HEAD HURTS (dont actually do that please) (drink water, take breaks, stretch ur hand)

Warmups !!! before i take on a serious linework, I ALWAYS DO WARMUPS. Some lighter line stuff, flowier line stuff. I often do croquis for this. If i dont do this i get more severe hand cramps, because.... yeah

Traditional sketches w different pens. Preferably ones that u cant erase. Kinda similiarly to croquis, this is super good to just develop more confidence w ur lines. U cant go back and erase them so... U just have to learn to get them right. Im bolding this bcs this is probably the one tip i heard that has helped me the most. All my traditional sketches w pens r ugly as hell but they seriously have helped me so much to get some more freedom and have more fun when drawing & not worry all the time, and its made the process way more enjoyable !!!!

Also please take breaks and stretch ur hand !!! THeres a lot of good guides for artists to stretch their hands :> Seriously. Take care of urself.

#ask #anonymous #u thot u could just ask me for my brushes u wrong !!!#*infodumps*#i fucking #love art process #I k u didnt ask but this stuff is so exiting to me

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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

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Hey Caro ☺️ I just took your super m quiz - thanks for making such a fun quiz, I feel like it helped me get into super m! I know nothing about them yet but I thought it fit soo well that I got Kai bc I’m a full time dancer - now you have me super curious about him 👀👀

KAI :: INTRODUCTION MASTERPOST (dance focus)

so you wanna know about the god of k-pop choreo? oh yeah, i’ll talk to you about fucking kai! if you dance, this guy is the #1 must-know. once you see him move, there’s no going back. i don’t exaggerate: kai is the gold standard. brace yourselves, i’ll show you why.

kim kai aka kim jongin (27) is a solo artist and super m’s plus exo’s main dancer — est 2019 and 2012 respectively — heading either group with a passionate, hyper-physical style that roots in his early practice of of jazz dance and ballet. the influence definitely shows.

learning choreography, he’s become the gorgeous fusion of emotional grace and explosive power that unites both tension and extreme accuracy. while at the same time: never sacrificing his interpretation. and HOW MUCH HE BLEEDS FOR HIS CRAFT. he enjoys it so much.

and he’s communicating it 100%, jongin’s dance is so interactive and raw, luring. i swear to god, put the seatbelts on for this one. it’s never just him, it’s you as well. you’ve never seen this before. he’s like “yes, i meant you, i’m looking at you”:

he’s even gonna modify the choreography to point right at you to underline that very thought. he’s so good, he can learn it, ace it, epitomize it, and do his own thing anyway. even the person in the last row will get whatever point kai wants to make. this is dance that belongs on the biggest stages.

even when he films without a crowd, it’s like you’re literally standing opposite to him. he focuses on two people: his moves, and the viewer. he has it look like you made him smile and self-aware, or you made him determined. INCREDIBLE. he shows his charisma, BUT he also shows your own (!) impact on him. it’s a duet. he wants you to join him on the dancefloor. this is from exo’s call me baby mv where kai does his famous come-hither:

he flirts and he encourages. he values the audience and wants them to be confident as well. i think it’s the reason why he’s so outstanding and addictive, kai thinks beyond himself. it’s a tango he involves you in with his eyes and how he opens his body, interprets a lyric.

it’s not about imposing himself going one way. instead: he plays the back and forth ALL. THE. TIME. in any context. whether it be frivolous, or fun, or gloomy, or sweet. even with a simple little smiley wink it’s happening. and he acts like you had a reaction to it. there’s literally just a camera.

this guy’s physique, strength, elegance, feeling for the beat, character portrayal (!), and control is unbelievable. he’s destroyed it in every fancam out there. he can’t switch it off even if he tried. your eyes would go toward him in the largest group formation still. put him in the center, that’s his spot, he showcases it.

because he doesn’t just show learned moves, he makes it radiate something dynamic and animalistic (he embodies superm’s ‘tiger inside’ all the way).

jongin’s dance says: i love this, you love this, let’s do this, the feeling is right. he makes bodies and unrestrained touch the opposite of wrong, he pronounces it a source of having fun and being instinctual. and he never breaks the tie with you throughout, and uses his shoulders and lips to put the oomph into it.

he uses innuendo and a ‘we both know’ sentiment perfectly as an invitation rather than just going through his routine. that’s how he can make each move fascinating. you can tell kai knows exactly how to make everyone scream their lungs out. i bet somebody held their breath just reading this post already.

exo’s most famous choreo is ‘monster’ (kai focus linked) with good reason: jongin can turn himself into nothing short of a roaring beast. it’s one sharp, complex move after the other. kai can bend any gravitational law he wants to show any feeling and pose he wants. a glimpse:

now, how to spot him in general if you’re new to him? here are some pointers. kai’s execution is clean, fast, and powerful. those are two decades (!) of experience showing. kai is an all or nothing dancer, he plays no games. he treats every group and solo stage like his best and last. his work ethic is beyond words. yeah, he’s a capricorn. his style is direct as can be, working every axis.

as you can see, jongin is hard to overlook anyway: he’s a 182cm giant made of steel. he strives to acutely visualize impact in his style and it is always successful. in fact, it’s his signature. it’s like he creates invisible objects and pushes through them. boom, he just burst another bubble.

when the song gets to his part, i guarantee you won’t miss him and all the boldness and expression he brings to enrich the performance. hell... he carries it. jongin can handle the center, i’m telling you. (look how fast he rotates here)

talking features — this is what to look for when he dances in a group setting: you can recognize kai’s face by how wide, bluntly structured and sensual it is. jongin is a sight. he has such an aura, serious, sultry, and smiling alike.

with a very recognizable silhouette (like... holy hell!):

he’s very cute as well ♡ the fandom and kai himself have an adorable analogy going on. jongin calls himself a teddy/nini bear and we joined in on it. (i made a thread about it here, it talks more about his offstage life) — hence kai’s fans are called eri-gom, eris as in exo’s fanbase and gom meaning bear.

and i mean. look at him. what an attractive guy. he’s that handsome. strong brows, teddy eyes, square jaw, swept hair, glorious lips, tan skin.

now yes, something important concerning his appearance and a serious topic: i don’t want to list you the endless instances of colorism that kai has to endure but it has to be mentioned. jongin has been called every name in the book and people agonize him over his skin incessantly. it goes on and on and on. every day a new terrible comment about him emerges because some pitiful person thought it was funny and would elevate them.

he’s had to deflect, ignore, reframe, defend, remotivate, assert, harden, prove, denounce, and push himself, protect his confidence, decline skin bleaching constantly, laugh along, dance and practice thrice as hard to get the respect, and still see his dignity torn to pieces all day. i’ll just give it to you straight, that’s all fucked up. kai’s skin is perfect, he’s amazing and wonderful.

in his own words:

— exactly right. say it even louder.

having him at the bottom of every joke is weird and messed up. this man is an utter beauty and nothing has to be fixed. it is up to him to define himself rather than get called ugly for his skin’s appearance by default, and get whitewashed at every opportunity. it’s been going on for 27 years, he scrunitizes himself all the time and doesn’t look at himself fondly because he hears these beatdowns daily.

it’s heartbreaking that this happens literally with no end in sight (’kai is just a stripper!’... ‘he has bad vibes’... ‘darkest guy jongin!��). for his skin, and how he decides to show it, too. jesus christ his skin looks fantastic, end of debate. they just can’t handle him, kai couldn’t be any more immaculate.

♡

jongin has vigorously protected fans from discrimination, bullies, and shaming himself whenever it came up. in a very straightforward and deadpan manner because he knows exactly how it damages you. (”J” in the subtitles = jongin, he’s wearing the plain white top at the very back)

we need to protect and praise him that way right back. it’s important.

so, needless to say. all in for jongin getting the center stage he deserves. because he has the wow factor in every regard. kai usually opens an MV because there’s no better way to get people’s attention with that level of presence. with kai, you can’t go wrong. if you get the center in a an all star group like superm, you are the king.

being part of that presence, kai’s stage alter ego has reached levels of infamity you can’t even imagine. it’s great to see him being sovereign without apology.

and it doesn’t stop there. he shows time and again that acting, props, and commanding the audience has to be mastered to be an exceptional dancer. kai owns his sex appeal. sometimes, he even dances a portion of choreo with his eyes closed because he’s feeling it so much.

he is a pro in using his surroundings as well, superm’s stages are a glorious opportunity for kai to show how he comfortably ‘lives in’ the 3D space around him.

which makes the viewer do the same: watching kai makes you feel amazing, energized, but also serene and enjoying the moment.

there’s always balance. it’s the magic of it. e.g. he comes along with so much impetus and decisiveness but eventually, he halts to offer himself. here i am — take me. i’m yours. closed arms, open arms. walking, kneeling. looking down, looking up.

kai goes every extra mile there ever was and makes each eye contact count. involving the audience, one grin at a time. it works. it’s about establishing contact. he connects to the onlooker with so much nuance.

kai’s smirk is notorious and you can see why it’s so raw and real: he makes it linger. it’s such a duality since his dancing says i’ll come over, while his message is come and get me, i know what’s on your mind.

with a hilarious twist – kai expertly uses humor. you don’t get that in many dancer repertoires. i love it. all those quick expression changes. his smile! 😊 what a man.

so — what makes him so good and known: yes, his style doesn’t deny that dancing and eroticism are one in his business. that takes courage. kai has it. iconic performances have been his reward. point dance/killing part: exo’s love shot choreo.

that suit has swept the nation. what’s more: kai shows you it’s more than just good hip movement that a good dancer needs. he does everything at once, he puts the pleasure on his face, all his limbs are following the template he chooses.

the thing is. kai couldn’t be any shyer, but when the music starts he becomes a oscar-winning madman. he emotes constantly (!) and stays in character. this is gold.

jongin always plays it up. he knows how to use that face and does a lot of power posing. this is how visceral looks like. he’s interpreted exo’s aggressive concepts to a T.

and he has so. much. fun. it propels him. on every beat.

past every hurt, heartbreak and injury, man. if you know about his genre you knew this was coming, kai does all of that with 4 herniated discs. since debut days, never recovered. every gif in this thread, he dances with a battered spine. wheelchairs, stage collapses, relapse-recovery-schedule tales, the dilemma of injuries being inevitable, limping, kai falling into depression during breaks, constant pain killers, countless tears on stage, we’ve seen it all, the extreme end of it.

kai works out like hell to literally keep his body from falling apart. but it doesn’t help the nerves in his back that are impacted. doing choreo you can sometimes literally see the pain kicking in and he pulls himself through with force for the last minute. once you know how strained his back is, you can see it.

at the end his expression goes fuck now it’s coming when the adrenaline fades. he takes every second-pause he gets to rest but still finishes each move. even when he holds back, he keeps it together and executes each turn. sometimes, he has to restrict himself and soften his movements to protect his health (especially in hard choreographies such as lucky one which is universally disliked by exo — still jongin makes the very best of it smiling bright and dancing so hard his sleeves come off).

he frequently states he ‘dances in any case unless his legs are affected by something’. all torso injuries are fair game, this guy is hardcore. and people claim he’s just pretending. chen (a fellow exo member) says not a single part of jongin’s body is intact. he has paid every price to get this far to follow his love. he’ll step on stage with crutches. he works SO HARD.

that being said: exo being called the official nation’s group, i say kai is the nation’s dancer. period. he has had his great moment at the korean olympics flawlessly dancing in a hanbok with traditional instruments and fulfilling his dream.

i love the tension and drama he can bring. he can also thrill with slow, vulnerable movements alike.

kai’s is called a legend, he’s all that and even more. the facial expressions alone are feared by any kai stan because they hit home.

this guy is a sex icon and goes off like a gun, messing around was never kai’s incentive.

while at the same time being incredibly nuanced and so, so descriptive with his movements.

point dance: baby don’t cry. yep, kai has danced in water. must-watch.

this man loves what he is doing. he said he wouldn’t regret to die on stage because dancing is his destiny. boy, it shows. this guy has found his purpose. he can tell any story he wants. he’s a complete artist.

he’s perfectly portraying his incentive and he couldn’t look any more like a god on earth.

long story short, kai is dance and motivation goals. if you dance professionally, you can easily look toward him for the right words.

if you want to further your study and knowledge: he released a self-titled solo album recently. highly recommended. he worked forever on it, and he’s really dishing it on there. you get to hear his soft voice plus sizzling footwork. and he isn’t even getting started yet. you’ll hear from kai, i promise. he constantly achieves new levels of artistic perfection.

a last remark. jongin is amazing for a myriad of reasons that go beyond what i show you here given the post focuses on his work on stage. but the point stands, while other people have tried to break him, he broke through every barricade instead and stood up for himself. we can be extremely happy to have him and witnessing his unreal dance is an exceptional pleasure. here’s to jongin continuing his passion and confidence, healing, and getting the sweeping respect and acknowledgement that is his.

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phoebehalliwell · 4 years ago

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Piper/Kyle, except it's an AU where Kyle's parents were never killed by demons, so he lived a perfectly normal, happy childhood and grew up to follow their footsteps into teaching and Kyle's a normal, maybe even a little boring archaeology professor who secretly dreams of having his very own Indiana Jones moment - up until the day he opens some dusty old chest and unleashes a demon that tries to kill him, and he barely gets away only to run into this petite brunette woman who proceeds to blow the demon the fuck up, and Kyle's never believed in love at first sight before, but he's pretty sure he can make an exception for Piper

wait omg mentally stable kyle au okay wait i gotta wrap my head around this kyle but not absofuckinlutely insane whatta picture omg. okay. i feel like he’s still gotta have this belief in the supernatural i feel like that’s a large part of the charm in literally any kyle dynamic with the sisters is Witch Who Gets It and Man Who’s Only Got Raw Data. there’s an appeal to that. seeing things from different angles all that. so we can say kyle ever good at puzzles has taken his parents notes and everything he knows and various texts and kinda pieced together okay magic does exist. but in this au he’s a professor and not an fbi agent so he can’t just walk around saying Magic Is Real because um he needs this job. also he’s never seen it. but like. the data does not like. like. like it’s real man like are you kidding me. and we’ll say he has one normal friend because he’s normal in this au and he’s like okay here me out tho magic is real and his friend is like ......okay. because like. it could be, i guess? i’m not gonna fight you on this. and kyle also definitely read a lot as a kid he reads a lot now and he’s always kinda like. like you know wondered what it might be like to be a man of action not someone stuck behind a desk all day seeing the world through books. so when he starts to see markers of the gathering storm,,, well. these are the times that make a man. he can either be a pussy about it and keep living his life through paper and ink, or he can follow his intuition. blah blah blah this leads him to get kidnapped by pirates which like. excuse me??? and kyle’s kinda kicking himself because he Wanted to be like a character in an adventure book and well like bada bing bada boom you get what you ask for. which. all due respect on his part. is smart enough to outwit them and escape. he might have dropped his wallet there tho. but when he goes back the same route wandering through the thick fog, all he finds is a solid wall of rock. so i guess he’s fucked in that regard. whoops. but!! magic is real. so that’s a dub. digs a little bit more into the blackjack cutting lore, maybe finds the x marks the spot on where their main hideout was, road trip to. seattle? i guess? port city that isn’t san francisco but is more reasonable to drive to that like. nola or boston. and lo and behold he finds it and find their documentation of the gathering storm accidentally trips a booby trap and jesus fucking christ pirate skeletons with sword which - respectfully - kyle is holding his own for the most part, not getting immediately worried, but there’s no way that would have lasted had the three skeletons not been blown to pieces. and he looks over and sees three brunettes and the one in the center is like who the hell are you? to which kyle really feels like He should be the one asking that question but after stammering out some kind of response about how he’s a professor and he was just looking for some soil samples something generic archaeological because hey. he doesn’t trust these women. he doesn’t know what side they’re on. and he’s not just gonna sacrifice the information he has on the gathering storm. and it’s obvious they don’t believe him, but they don’t kill him either. instead, the one in the center just says be more careful where you leave your stuff and tosses his wallet back to him.

and later at the manor paige is like we just let him go?? and phoebe’s like yeah how to we know he’s not a demon? he wouldn’t be the first to pose as a mortal in the mortal world (because phoebe went to the university to return kyle’s wallet because like it has is ID in it employee id all that under the guise of like. giving a lecture to some of the student’s there as the bay’s leading advice columnist oh hey is there a kyle brody here yeah haha he’s a friend of a friend anyone seen him no he’s on vacation right now? left real abruptly? and then immediately went into his office and touched every surface trying to get a premonition (au in which phoebe didn’t get her powers stripped) and concluded that he’s just Some Guy. like he like has friends and a nine to five and an apartment. so a guy). but piper’s like we don’t know. but we also don’t know what he’s up to or what his connection to the pirates was, which is why i cast a tracking spell on the wallet. and both phoebe and paige approve and in this au again phoebe didn’t get her powers stripped so in styx feet under it’s her and paige on mission and as paige is the one who cast the protection spell and as paige is also very stubborn and also refuses to let innocents die she is the one who gets to become death. she also has a very compelling relationship with death because like. she watched her parents die. and she’s prue’s replacement. the replacement for the dead girl. also fun paige/prue parallel! meanwhile right Should state in any piper/kyle au we just extend pleo’s divorce era by having him remain an elder and keeping that early s6 vibe. so piper’s definitely like a bit more neurotic than normal because you know things haven’t gone great for her and those pirates were warning about the gathering storm and honestly that better not be something that’s gonna hurt her boys because she really could not bear to lose another family member so she’s doing some digging which begins to imply that kyle knows more that he let on so where is he now? the university? great.

and kyle’s you know minding his own business in his office when the same woman practically kicks down his door and is like alright i’m gonna ask again who the hell are you and this time you better answer me honestly. to which: wow. like wow. she’s. she’s a force to be reckoned with and also kinda immediately gains points in kyle’s book for like a) kinda confronting him about knowing more because he’s pretty good at covering his tracks all that so if he’s been Found Out it’s by someone good and b) she also disintegrated evil pirate skeletons so like. 👍. But. he does not trust her for shit. no. absolutely not. he has no reason to. but piper’s not yielding blasts a hole in the wall near his head like quickly now or next time i won’t miss but kyle’s so fuckin stubborn he’s like 🤐 and piper’s. i mean, she can’t kill an innocent. she doesn’t know if that’s who he is, but she can’t run that risk. and kyle’s not saying shit, so she leaves.

then it’s the guardian angel episode where the charmed ones are there on instruction (though they don’t know what they’re looking for. maybe they were just scrying for information) and kyle’s there on a hunch and piper and kyle see each other and it’s um. mac charlie see each other from across the room reaction image. both like. what the fuck are you doing here? and in this one paige is still the one to get her guardian angel stolen and piper’s immediately on high alert because you know big sister/mom mode activated. but they don’t know what they’re looking for and kyle’s like it’s her guardian angel. and piper once again snaps to him firey look in her eyes but kyle’s really just trying to place nice here so he’s like guardian angels. they’ve been going missing being stolen whatever. he’s got the research on it. and piper doesn’t want to trust him but paige is really in grave danger. so, as the sister with the offensive power, she’s going with kyle, and phoebe has to make sure paige doesn’t like. pull a grams. (which for the record i do not accept prewitched as canon but like the elders definitely killed grams <3)

so blah blah blah piper’s now and kyle’s place which is ten times worse than his office because this is where he does his real work and he’s got all the guardian angel shit up and out and is explaining it to piper and it’s making sense but what catches her eye is something on the gathering storm that kyle left out now they’re talking about that they’re starting to realize they’re on the same side. blah blah blah save paige. next episodes what werewolf episode. skip. then!! idk paige still runs magic school right so she’s in the library and she calls piper and she’s like hey remember when you told me to keep an eye out on the gathering storm? and piper’s like yes yeah what is it? and she’s like well we’re inventorying the library and we have books on them and piper’s like that’s good news ! ? and paige is like yeah but we’re missing one. book five. in this something something series. and piper knows Exactly where that book is because she fucking saw it on kyle’s kitchen counter. so now she’s barging into kyle’s place which is getting to be a common occurrence at this point and kyle kinda wants to complain but this is by far the most interesting his life’s been ever and honestly? he’d be kinda bummed if piper stopped kicking down his door. wait actually scratch that you want my book no fuck you changed my mind. to which piper’s like look we’re looking for the same goal here right so give me the book because i have the rest of the series and this could be the missing puzzle piece and kyle’s like okay fine i’ve read the book cover to cover give me the rest of the series and i’ll get you your answers and piper’s like okay let’s get things straight here i’m the witch you’re some two bit archeology professor so when it comes to the handling of sacred magical tomes i’ll be taking the reigns here and kyle’s like fine then you won’t be taking the book. and piper’s like wanna bet and the next think kyle knows he’s hearing the door slam his book’s gone and he’s hearing tires peel out onto the street and he has no idea how she did it.

back at the manor piper’s got her reading glasses on an volume one open and god this fucking sucks. so she makes phoebe take a stab at it and she hates reading it too. paige also starts it and is like respectfully no. piper’s the only one who did the reading in high school. this is her turf. but my god she cannot make it through all eight of these fucking books. So. she calls kyle. he has to come to the manor because there’s no way she’s giving him the books and there’s no way she’s letting him in magic school so. hi. welcome to the house. but!! by a contrived plot device!!!! a gnome has been shot in magic school this book was the only thing at the scene and paige wants to investigate further but she can’t just leave it out there so she brings it back to the manor she’s gonna cast some spell to find out if there are already spells on the book how to reverse it she just needs to find the spell first and like. there’s no way in hell paige ever wears an outfit with big enough pockets to keep the book on her. so she leaves it on the table. to which kyle asks how this is relevant to the collection. to which piper says don’t open that!! whoops. see, this is why i said we don’t let two bit archeology professors near magical books! piper/kyle charmed noir..............

#love me a good piper/kyle ask 🤙🤙🤙#charmed #piper halliwell #kyle brody #piper x kyle #margaretsminiessays #haven't used that tag in forever whoops #should probs go back n backtag

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marvinswriting · 4 years ago

Text

some secrets are harder to hide

prompt: KEVIN AND/OR GRETCHEN MEETING DAMIAN- bear hell yeah, more borrower au. Gretchen POV? mhmmm. Gretchen is very aware of the reader and she just insults Janis a lot, I think you can TELL how much fun i had writing this one

I'm not stupid. A pushover? Sure. A kiss-up? You bet. A follower? Please, I invented the term. But stupid? No.

I know Janis didn't fight off a cat by herself and manage to find food. But I'm also not one to complain when a solid food supply gets handed to me.

So I didn't question it.

Until now.

We have a borrowing schedule. Kevin on Sunday, Janis goes Tuesday, I go Thursday and we all go Saturday for more of a lookout rather than for food.

The schedule isn't set in stone, if we really need food, we all go together. If somebody is sick, someone else will take their day.

Which is what was going on right now.

"Janis, you aren't actually thinking of leaving." Kevin deadpans. Its Tuesday, and I look up from where I'm sharpening my tools.

Janis was gathering her supplies, swaying on her feet. "I've got a job to do."

"And a fever. You also have a fever." I add.

Janis shrugs. "Never stopped me before."

"It was never this bad before." Kevin counters.

Janis was an unhealthy pale, to the point where she looked a little green.

"We need the food." Janis wasn't the one to budge in our roommate dynamic. Kevin thought reasonably, I was practical, and Janis was stubborn. It was not always a bad thing, but not a good thing right now as she was about to pass out.

"Janis," Kevin took the borrowing tools away from her. "No."

"I'm fine." Janis insisted. "I know my own limits."

"Then," I stood up grabbing my own bag. "I'm coming with you."

"No necessary Gretchen," Janis says, yanking her bag back from Kevin. Or she tries too. It's unuseful and she stumbles back a bit, the bag still securely in Kevin's grip. It didn't even look like he was holding that tightly.

I exchange glances with Kevin, and he reluctantly hands the bag to Janis. "Gretchen is going with you."

Janis scoffs but doesn't fight him. "Whatever, just don't slow me down."

"I get the feeling that it might be the other way around," I say, following Janis to the floor exit.

"Stay safe." Kevin warns as we leave.

It's hot in the walls, but the house has AC. Janis shivers, pulling her hand-sewn jacket closer around her.

Its night, but we still stick by the walls, carefully making our way to the kitchen.

Janis tries to muffle a cough with her jacket sleeve. Its summer, so it was odd to have such a bad cold. It was also hot out so to see Janis under so many layers was odd in itself.

"Janis, are you sure you're okay?" I ask as Janis prepares to climb. Her cheeks are red and she's breathing heavily from just walking.

"Mhmm." She says.

"I'm serious." I turn her so she's facing me. She's so out of it she doesn't even notice what bad shape she's in. Janis giggles a bit.

"Why are you so stressed, Gretchen?"

"I don't think you can climb up without falling."

"I've done it before."

"Not in this shape."

"What do you mean, I'm in great shape." Janis strikes a pose with a crooked grin.

Yeah, no. Like hell am I letting Janis borrow tonight.

She's gonna get herself killed, or even worse- caught.

I groan, placing my head in my hands. "Let's go the other way."

I gotta get Janis back to her room without her suspicion. "We can take the route up to the counter directly." I lie.

"But we just got here!" Janis whined. I grab her wrist and drag her back to the wall.

"It's for your safety."

We reach the living room and I shove Janis towards Kevin, who glances at us, confused.

"She needs to go to bed. I'll go borrowing myself."

"Hey, Gretchen! You tricked me!" Janis tried to step forward, but Kevin grabs her shoulders, holding her next to him.

"And it wasn't hard. Go to bed, Janis. You'll thank me when you feel better."

"But-" Her protest was interrupted by a yawn. "Okay. Say hi to Damian for me."

"What?!"

"Huh?"

Kevin and I stare at her wide-eyed and it takes Janis a few moments before her own brain can process what she said.

"Ohhhhh." Janis ran her fingers through her hair. "Forgot I didn't tell you that."

"Tell us what, Janis." Kevin sits her at one of the makeshift bottle cap chairs we have, pulling up two more for him and me.

Janis shrugged. "I may or may not have been caught."

"And you're calm about this, why?" I ask.

"It's only Damian."

I sigh. Janis clearly is too sick to see the issue and that a simple 'it's just Damian' won't make us understand anymore.

"When did you get caught, Janis?" Kevin asks.

The girl yawns. "Remember when the cat almost killed me?"

"Janis. That was nearly four weeks ago!" Kevin cried out.

Janis shrugged again. "So? I'm not dead."

Even in her fever-induced whacked-out state, Janis made a point. A weak one, but a point.

"Yet." Kevin countered.

And Kevin made a good point too....

I was receiving whiplash from how this conversation was going. Yeah, Janis isn't dead, but do we really know Damian? No. Every time Janis spoke, I found myself on her side. But then Kevin objects and I'm back with him again. Frankly, it's giving me a headache.

"Guys," I lift my hand in defense, trying to defuse the argument going on. "What if we all just went tonight. Kevin and I can meet Damian and come to our own conclusions."

Janis nodded, her eyelids drooping. "Let's make it fast though. I think I might be getting sick."

"No, really?"

Kevin shakes his head. "I think this is a bad idea. He knows Janis and that's risky enough."

"Damian isn't a bad person," Janis said sitting up straighter.

"That's for us to decide," Kevin says. "Get up, our main mission tonight is food and water, not Damian."

Janis mumbled an okay as we grabbed our bags. We actually did take the other route this time, because I wasn't kidding when I said Janis was in no climbing shape. I went in front of her with Kevin in the back as we made our way up.

This route was in no way easier, but it was harder to fall and we were less exposed.

Janis, against all odds, made it to the exit with minimal issue. She was still swaying with each step, but Kevin pushed her along, making sure she was far away from the edge.

I'm not saying I doubt Janis's judgment but, I definitely doubt her judgment. I mean, Janis wasn't the sweetest little angel there was. For a human to see her snarky personality and not want to kill her probably meant they were good news. But I'm not taking her word for it. I'll see it for myself.

Kevin pushes open the outlet and Janis tumbles out onto the counter. Literally.

There's a bit of a jump from the outlet to the counter, small enough that we can hoist ourselves back into the walls, but far enough that you cant simply step out.

Janis lands on the marble with a soft thump and a laugh.

She is out of it.

Kevin and I follow Janis out, more gracefully.

"You good?" I whisper.

She grins, wobbling up. "I might pass out."

"You sound way to gleeful to be serious." Kevin deadpans.

"No, I'm dead serious," Janis said, bringing her hand up to hold her head. "But isn't this fun!"

"No." I deadpan, watching Janis sway dangerously. "I'm no doctor but you may be dying."

"Don't listen to Gretchen." Kevin groans. "It's just a fever."

"Can you die from bad fevers?" I ask.

"I dunno." Kevin shrugs. "If Janis keeps this up we may find out."

"For science!" Janis yells excitedly. Kevin and I shush her immediately.

"If you don't keep quiet, I swear to god, Janis-" Kevin goes off in a ramble of threats he definitely won't follow through with.

A door opens from somewhere in the house and my hand is instantly covering Kevin's mouth. We're still pretty hidden and close enough to the outlet that we're in no real danger if somebody walks into the kitchen but we don't want to get caught, regardless.

"He's arrived!" Janis sings loudly.

Oh right.

I guess we kinda do wanna get caught.

"Janis if you don't shut the fuck up-" Kevin pushes my hand away from him.

Janis runs out from where we're in hiding- or more of ungracefully jogs, to the center of the counter.

"Janis-" Kevin calls out as I rush out after her, Kev following.

To be honest, I wasn't thinking of 'oh she's gonna go meet her giant friend, its no big deal' I was more thinking 'this fucking idiots body is gonna shut down on her at any moment and she's just chilling in plain sight'.

Which, to be fair, both were going to happen. I just wasn't ready for the first one. I freeze as a human enters the kitchen, Kevin running into me.

I knew that we were gonna meet Damian tonight, but that didn't make me mentally prepared.

"Janis, is that you?" The lights the kitchen flick on, and I cringe at the intrusion of brightness.

"Damian!" Janis grinned pushing away from me and walks to the edge of the counter.

"Are these-" Damian glances at Kevin and I. "Are these your roommates?"

"Yup!" Janis says throwing up jazz hands. "Meet Kevin and Gretchen!"

We both wave shyly under the gaze of Damian. Unlike Janis, we cared about our lives and you're not gonna catch me trusting a human right of the bat.

"Hi." Kevin says tentatively, stepping further out from the shadows, pushing me along with him.

"Hello, I'm Damian."

I'm sure Damiana already knew that we know that, but hey, at least he's polite.

"Okay, cute, you guys all know each other. I need to get home." Janis said.

"Are you okay?" Damian stepped closer to the counter.

"No, she's not." I cut off whatever Janis was going to say. "She should be home sleeping off a bad fever, but shes instant."

Damian nodded. "I could have told you that last part."

Janis hugged her jacket closer to herself, mumbling something none of us could pick up. She was looking at the counter below her- standing unnervingly close to the edge.

"Okay, seriously." Kevin stepped past me. "Hate to cut this short, nice to meet you, Damian. We're gonna get this one home."

Before he could reach Janis, she swayed slightly, knees buckling.

The idiot passed out.

To be fair, I told her she needed to stay home.

But nooo.

Oh! And remember how I said Janis was standing on the edge of the counter? Yeah well, when she passed out she fell off the counter.

Kevin rushed forward as I gasped. So helpful, I know.

Damian's hand instantly shoots out, catching Janis.

"Oh my god." Kevin says softly.

"I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner." I mumble.

Janis's head shoots up from behind Damian's fingers. "What the fuck?"

"You passed out. Told you it'd happen." I call out.

"Gretchen. Not right now." Kevin says.

Damian looks shaken up and I guess I can't blame him. Kevin and I have been betting on when Janis's body will say no more, he only just got here.

"Jesus Christ, Jan."

"I'm fine!" She protests.

"You literally just fell off the counter."

Kevin and I watch dumbfounded at the duo in front of us begin to argue over Janis's safety. Damian seemed just as worried about Janis's health as us, maybe more so.

"So," Kevin whispers. "Damian seems trustworthy?"

"We've officially known him for like three minutes, Kev."

"And in those three minutes?"

"Yeah. He's good."

We turn out attention back to an argument Janis seems to be loosing.

"Damian I'm-"

"Say you're fine I dare you."

"Tired. I'm tired." Janis said, admitting defeat.

Damian carefully lowered the girl onto the table. "Get her home safe. Maybe we can all talk later when Janis isn't burning up by the second."

Kevin and I nodded as I wrapped my arm around Janis, guiding her to the outlet.

"Bye, Damian. Nice meeting you." I called out behind me as Kevin helped Janis back into the wall.

I'll get double food when it's my turn to borrow.

tag list!!! @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

#mg borrower au #borrower janis #borrower gretchen #borrower kevin #giant damian #g/t #g/t writing #Giant/tiny

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bigskydreaming · 5 years ago

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That sounds pretty cool, if you are fine with it, or if you feel like it, would you elaborate one of this scenarios? It doesn't have to be right now, just if you feel like it, i just loooove your opinions on dick grayson as a character, they are just perfect, to me at least, because you know your own version of him and its amazing! So, like i said, would you write a little about mind controlled dick grayson if it doesn't bother you uu

LOL, thanks - I have a few different headcanon type things along those lines, but most of them are about the aftermath of existing instances rather than additional scenarios of Dick being mind controlled.

For instance, my personal view of the BIGGEST (and almost completely untouched) repercussions of the Spyral mission for Dick is all the stuff it might have brought back up from the Brother Blood stuff in the early days of the New Teen Titans. When he was being controlled and manipulated without his knowledge by the Church of Blood.

Because in order to even do the Spyral mission at all, at Bruce’s behest.....going undercover with the organization meant Dick HAD to let them put the Hypnos implants in him. There was literally no way around it, it was a fundamental part of the mission. They were standard issue for all Spyral operatives....

And as Dick only found out later, coming as a complete surprise to him, and thus something that Bruce himself had to be unaware of before sending Dick in - part of the reason the Hypnos implants were standard issue for all Spyral operatives was not JUST the advantages the implants gave their operatives in the field. The implants were ALSO a backdoor for Matron and other higher-ups in the organization like Agent Zero, to basically....shut down the operative with a word, knock them out - a failsafe that essentially made all their operatives unable to pose a threat to them, or powerless against them in case they turned traitor (or like Dick, had other allegiances from the start).

I don’t know if you’ve seen my meta about how and why I view Dick’s greatest fear as being the cause of his loved ones’ deaths or suffering, or being used against them to be the cause of this.....but imagine you’re Dick Grayson, and your hands down greatest fear is being completely hijacked, without agency, a passenger in your own body, as your enemy turns you against your mission, your allies, your family, whatever.

And then you find out that the Hypnos implants that you willingly allowed them to put in you, not knowing they served as any kind of Trojan horse that gave the people you were there to take down a secret kind of control over you, the very kind you fear more than anything given your specific history with this sort of thing....

Like, you find out in the worst possible way, when Matron uses them to basically turn off your brain with just a WORD, that from the moment you let them put these things in you in order to go undercover as one of their operatives....you’ve been totally at their mercy without even knowing it, even as you worked against them. You had no idea that they held the edge over you the whole time, had no way to even be on guard against the possibility....because you went into this only knowing the information Bruce had to give you, and this wasn’t in it.

(And then of course, it gets worse, when the Hypnos implants are revealed to be Luthor Corp tech, and with a FURTHER backdoor feature only HE knows about, that gives him the ability to completely hijack the movements of people with the implants in them. Again - Luthor. The artist formerly known as Dick’s murderer, which led to him being on this mission in the first place).

Anyway, that’s the most damaging fallout from the Spyral mission IMO, that’s rarely if ever touched on - the fact that in the aftermath of Dick’s trauma and death, he went on this mission that he never wanted to go on in the first place, at least trusting that Bruce’s reasons for wanting him to go on it were sound.....and implicitly putting his trust in Bruce (as he had so many times before), to not send him into anything he couldn’t handle, or without crucial information.

Which of course Bruce did, because his reasons for sending Dick on this mission WEREN’T sound. They were as much emotional as they were practical, born of his own issues and his own inability to handle Dick dying in front of him while he was powerless to do anything about it, or to be the one to revive him, and he was IMO almost driven to send Dick far away from the target he saw him as having painted on him due to his unmasking, as long as he was known to be alive and in Gotham....and also far enough away that he was kinda out of sight, out of mind, for Bruce, and as such, Bruce didn’t have to be constantly haunted by the reminder of how powerless he’d been to save or help his son.

IMO there’s no mistaking that Bruce’s behavior in all of this was both extraordinarily shitty writing AND at the same time compliant with previous shitty behavior of his (born both of similarly shitty writing AND just....examination of his worse tendencies). So for me its a fine line between over-vilifying Bruce for what I think was the writers not paying their due diligence to the reality and implications of how they were writing him.....but at the same time, not apologizing for his behavior, especially given that its not THAT far off the mark of tendencies that had been written into him before this point.

So for me, the way I reconcile that and find anything useful to take away from this story, its to distill it down to specific lasting repercussions/implications for Dick, that are paired to something that can kinda be....learned by the characters from this story, something they could take away from these events and use to BETTER themselves and their relationships.

And for me, I come away with two things here:

1) Whether you write about the Spyral mission and aftermath and include the canon exactly as it happened, or you tone down Bruce’s behavior or rewrite that to be not quite as egregious....a useful dynamic to focus on IMO, as an example, is the idea that while Bruce’s basic motivation was most likely an inability to cope in a healthy way with watching his son die and being unable to do anything about it.....that doesn’t mean that out of all of this, that PART, the death, was the worst of it for Dick himself. Yeah, I emphasize the fact that Dick did actually DIE and this was traumatic as hell, because its so often glossed over....but even with that, I tend to think that given his history with being controlled, stripped of his agency, etc....its all of that, that was likely more damaging to him, more lasting. The fact that he HAD been here before, so to speak, and here he was in this exact kind of situation he hated and feared so much, ALL OVER AGAIN....and not because of anything he WANTED to do, or would have done if he’d had any real choice in it at all, but solely because Bruce, his dad, the person who is SUPPOSED to protect and comfort and care for him....pushed him into it, despite and over his protests.

Because by focusing on this, you can address the reality that as they’ve been written for the last...who knows how long....the Batfamily doesn’t really even KNOW each other. They don’t KNOW each other’s greatest fears, strengths and weaknesses, underlying motivations and personal goals. They tend to base everything off of their ASSUMPTIONS about each other, and as I’ve outlined here....that can be incredibly damaging, for instance when you have Bruce literally hurting his son because he’s CONVINCED himself its the best thing for Dick, he’s only doing it to protect him like he couldn’t protect him from being killed....but then, because he doesn’t truly know Dick at this point as well as he thinks he does, and because he isn’t LISTENING to him and what he wants and doesn’t want....Bruce ends up pushing him into a situation that I would argue Dick probably hates and fears even MORE than physical danger or being in danger of being killed.

Also, I’m always going to point out the constant barrage of sexual harassment, inappropriate touches and scrutiny and innuendo Dick was subjected to by Dr. Netz as part of his regular ‘check-ups’ while at Spyral - which given Dick’s history of sexual assault and harassment like, should not be discounted IMO - and again, this is all stuff that Dick was basically forced into by virtue of needing to keep his cover for this assignment, that he’d never asked for or wanted, and had very little control over from the start, let alone freedom to call it off if things got to the point where he no longer felt safe or in control - like, I’m never going to imagine a Bruce who would CONSCIOUSLY put any of his children in a situation where they had to ‘choose’ to be regularly sexually harassed/assaulted for the sake of the mission, and like, EXPECT them to make that choice for the mission, because no. But at the same time, there’s no getting around that whether they addressed it on the page or not, that was EXACTLY the situation Dick was forced into by this mission.

Which brings me to the second thing I come away with from this story:

2) As I said, a big thing to focus on with this story IMO is to use it to highlight how little the Batfamily knows about each other by this point, and thus how often they tend to make choices regarding the others that are completely opposite of what the others would WANT them to choose or do on their behalf...and then like...address that, with fic. Fix that with fic. Use fic to have them realize this, explore this, LEARN from this....

BUT, ALSO....the other crucial takeaway is that all of this only really happened...Dick only ended up in the incredibly compromised and vulnerable position he was in with Spyral, Matron, Dr. Netz, Agent Zero, Luthor, etc....

Because....he went into this with only the intel Bruce had to give him....and Bruce just flat out didn’t have as much intel as he thought he did, clearly. He didn’t have the necessary details to know that he was sending his recently-traumatized-son into the lions’ den with FAR less control of the situation than EITHER of them thought.....and no real way to HELP Dick COMPENSATE for this once this was made clear to him. Dick had to figure out how to handle all of this on his own, and the fact that he was able to is a testament to him, NOT validation of Bruce being sure that he could handle anything unexpected that came up during this mission....because the kind of stuff we’re talking about, Dick shouldn’t HAVE to handle without warning, help, or back-up.

So, the thing I try to emphasize here, that can be applied across SO many stories, across SO many timelines or events, is just....

BRUCE CAN BE WRONG.

And that’s so, so crucial, and yet so rarely referenced outside of like.....Bruce being placed morally opposite various of his children about certain arguments. The idea that Bruce is just....fallible, that he can and does make mistakes, does not have all the information at times, draws the wrong conclusions at times...THAT is something that I think is so much more....in need of scrutiny, than just blasting Bruce for how shitty he was during this story over all. Because the real danger IMO isn’t just any one story, but how across so many stories, both canon and fic, its just taken for granted that Bruce’s information is right, Bruce’s plan is the right one, Bruce’s conclusion is the most empirically accurate.

When he and Dick or Jason or any of the others are in conflict about how to go about doing something, or what specifically needs doing....there’s a tendency to default to “well he’s Batman,” and ASSUME his position as the correct one due to his age and experience and innate Batman-ness.....and that by contrast, Dick or Jason or whomever is just being difficult, or immature or irresponsible or wrong-headed....reckless or impulsive or being ruled by their emotions, instead of cold hard logic, like Bruce is operating off of.

And I would argue that more than anything else, the largely-unexamined elements of the Spyral mission are case in point for how that’s just flat out not always true, and dangerous to assume is always going to be true given that we have SO many canon instances of Bruce being ruled by emotion rather than logic, and from that drawing conclusions or going with information that flat out...isn’t the right one.

And as shown here....that’s what’s so often at one of his children’s expense. Batman can be wrong. Bruce is just a man, he’s fallible, he can be blinded by his own emotions. Dick and the others are sometimes right, when he’s not.

And they should ALWAYS be upheld as knowing better than him when it comes to their own personal experiences, especially the adult kids....and flat out, there’s no excuse for Bruce delivering his son into one of his worst nightmare scenarios in order to cope with HIS emotions about Dick’s trauma/death even moreso than to truly help Dick....since IMO, the situation Dick ended up in was nothing but a recipe for MORE trauma, rather than any kind of help with the stuff that had just happened to him.

And the only way to truly address that, push back against that kind of story, is just to examine in story that like.....this time, Bruce was wrong. His motivations were wrong, his intel was wrong, his plan was wrong, and his decision to override what his son WANTED and not listen to his protests....was, bottom line, wrong.

And Dick was the only one to pay any kind of actual price for it.

Soooooo....lol, its not ultimately about the mind control at all, despite the fact that your ask is what started me down this train of thought, BUT the mind control is still so fundamentally essential to it, because of Dick’s history with it AND his focus on self-autonomy and agency.

Which to me, is always gonna be far angstier than the mind control itself. Because living with the aftermath like....there’s no actual cure or off-switch to that, unlike with the mind control itself.

(Related headcanon: I headcanon that after Dick was truly back from Spyral, he went and got full body scans every couple months from STAR Labs, Cyborg, random other hero affiliates, etc....just to reassure himself that the implants were truly gone, because he didn’t fully trust that they were or that he’d even know if someone lied to him about them being gone....so he’s not satisfied until he’s double, triple, even quadruple checked for himself.

This IMO goes back to how during the Brother Blood stuff, he was literally brainwashed by the cult on three different occasions, with him still having been brainwashed after the second one, even after everyone told him the conditioning was really gone and he was all good - but they’d missed stuff, a deeper layer, and so....its not even about whether or not Dick trusts whomever is telling him his conditioning/implants/whatever are all gone and safely removed....its that he doesn’t trust that they’re necessarily RIGHT, no matter how confident they are, and since he’s ultimately the one facing the consequences of them being WRONG, if it turns out they are.

IMO, this is an area where Dick is likely almost if not completely obsessive....having regular rituals of checking, double checking, triple checking that he’s alone in his own head, that his body is clear of all foreign agents, that there’s nothing hidden about him or his body or his psyche, just waiting to activate and turn him against his friends and family...because his body is his weapon, but he can only truly trust it, trust himself with it, when he’s reassured it - he - isn’t in danger of becoming someone else’s weapon on a moment’s notice.

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maythedreadwolftakeyou · 4 years ago

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personal complaining time (not fandom related lol) bc that last tag game got me nostalgic and thinkin

man i’m just really bummed that covid full stop halted my modeling side business. like i was in such a great position at the start of this year after all the networking and shoots I did in 2019 (two big bridal modeling trips with 10 person teams, 5 outdoor art modeling sessions, reconnected for a weekend with a photographer I worked with in 2017 who came through on a trip and did two long days with them all over the moab area, and several client sessions in the parks around town). I’d updated both my website and made a quick caard with my info/style breakdowns at the end of last winter to get ready for the season. And then it was basically like. I did my warm up trade shoot with a woman & some models from salt lake on March 2nd, and she told me i’d convinced her to switch from shooting families/client work to models bc it was so much easier to work with professionals. And then 1 week later everything shuts down. And I haven’t worked since obviously.

Except the REST of Utah kept shooting as normal!!! Every day I’d see casting calls and photographers putting together “distanced” group shots but. like hell they were actually doing that. and anyone who came to town who got in touch with me was intentionally traveling to a tourism hot spot that closed down and told visitors to stay out so of course I wasn’t going to work with any of them.

and now i’ve moved to a new city where i have NO networking connections and can’t start making them for another year. just feels like. a bunch of steps backwards. this move was the next step for my primary career/grad school had to happen eventually but. i’m just really sad to lose such a big hobby. I had 4 big shoots i wanted to hire out for/direct this spring and summer before I left moab but obviously none will be able to happen ever. i was even putting together materials to lead dynamic posing workshops. uhg. i’ve even lost a lot of motivation for self portraits/retouching practice because it feels so pointless.

anyway. yeah. i’m very fortunate this was never the plan for my primary livelihood, but it was nice to have the extra work/cash now and then, and I’m just sad about covid like anyone else.

also i havent brought this up with anyone bc it like... always sounds so weird and vain to talk about modeling as a hobby but it really was like. a skill i actively worked on, a lot. Tons of body awareness and thinking about angles and being aware of your background and surroundings and how to mirror/complement them. I’ve always been good at making shapes but was finally getting my expressions more variable. and ive absolutely lost a lot of that now and am gonna have to start over on those skills too which is just a bummer. cant even remember what lenses add how much compression and how to compensate anymore. uhg.

#/#///#//#/////#//////#not bioware content #ramblings #my stuff #my modeling

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hawkfurze · 5 years ago

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FCND Drabble: Sacremento

I wanted to figure out more of Griffin’s dynamic with the rest of Rush’s team and already had some characters in mind, but had an idea for this. This is some time after Griffin is made Security Captain, but years before FCND. I don’t really do much drabbles outside of given prompts, so I hope you like it.

———————

It has become a sort of ritual for them. It was just to hard to keep track what day it was and time has lost any significant meaning outside of the shifting of night and day and the changing of seasons that slowly became years. Days were not given names anymore, neither were months, but the people of Rush’s group could still count the number of days that went by. Every seven days they sat around the old bonfire pit late into the night, after all the work that week was done, just to chat. They never had to worry about the horrible winters of the post apocalypse in Sacramento and the fire always kept the chill of the night air away, so long as they didn’t stray too far for too long away from it.

Rush had just tucked Mila away to bed and had regrouped with the rest of his companions at the pit. Griffin watched him sit down and grab a beer that was handed to him by Barnes. He sighed and leaned back. Someone tried to hand Griffin a bottle, but he shook his head.

“Suit yourself, man,” Benjy, one of the other members on his security team, grinned, then placed it down on the dirt next to him, “Leaves more for me.”

“You’re welcomed to it,” Griffin wrinkled his nose and looked back at the conversation they were having.

Rush had walked in on them talking about what they missed most about the world before the Collapse. Griffin didn’t have much to say and was rather enjoying listening to Francis wistfully talking about the restaurants he misses going to. Griffin didn’t speak much when everyone started talking about the old world.

He didn’t have much to say about the sorry excuse of a life he was living before. What interesting thing could he even bring into the conversation, that he worked on the toll road? That his friends left him? Everyone else had much more interesting stories about the world before it ended thirteen years ago, his own story only even really started after the Collapse. He didn’t have much to contribute because there was nothing he missed, nothing that wasn’t already there with them at that bonfire.

The conversation slowly started moving into everyone piping in with their favorite missed dish, when Bea spoke.

“Hey, Griffin, why don’t you miss the old world?” She asked. Bea was another member of his security team, maybe something more than that? Griffin’s face started to burn and he shook his head. It always surprised him when she popped questions out like that, like she knew what he was thinking at that moment.

“What's there to miss?” He answered honestly, “I had a crummy job and lived in a crummy city. At least now I don’t have to have someone telling me how to live my life. I prefer things like this.”

“A job, you’re describing having a job,” Benjy said, “You’re describing moving from one job to a new one.”

Griffin laughed.

“Yeah, but there's got to be something you miss,” Bea insisted, “What about your friends and your family? What about them?”

Griffin shrugged again.

“I don’t know what happened to them,” he admitted, “All of my old high school friends left New York before the Collapse and most of the rest of my family lives in Iran. My parents are dead, and that's about it.”

Griffin looked up at the sky where a few stars were shining, then back down when he realized everyone was silent.

“What?” He asked. Benjy shook his head.

“You’re just so… casual, about all of this,” he said, “fuck, I was just talking about missing pizza-“

“I’m not keeping you from talking about missing pizza,” Griffin laughed, but no one laughed with him.

“Didn’t you ever want to go looking for them?” Bea asked, staring at him intently, her brown eyes practically piercing through him. He met them for a moment and looked away.

“Yeah, maybe. Sometimes, I don’t know,” he said, “It’s kind of too late anyway, if they didn’t kick the bucket, like, where would I even start, and then go? Collapse happened a long time ago they probably forgot about me.”

The group was silent around him. Bea looked sympathetic.

“I miss my dad,” Benjy said, and laughed, “Damn bastard wanted to leave the world kicking and fighting. I bet he was standing there, hands raised-“ at this Benjy raised his hand in a mock fighting pose, and slowly threw out a fist like he was hitting something in slow motion, “-ready to knock the damn nukes out of the sky himself. God I fucking miss him.”

“Sounds like a hard ass,” Barnes said. Benjy nodded.

“Oh yeah, but he scared the shit out of everyone. Good for me though, no idiot ever wanted to pick a fight with me in school, not when my dad could beat up their dad. He taught me everything I knew.”

“My dad was a doctor,” Griffin said.

“Did you want to be one?” Barnes asked. Griffin shook his head.

“Hell no. I’m too dumb for that, besides, I hated school,” Griffin said. Bea nodded.

“I wasted too much time in college and I didn’t even get my fucking degree,” she said. That made everyone laugh. Rush gave Griffin a look.

“What about you, what did you want to do?” He asked, “You were what- nineteen? Eighteen-?”

“Twenty one when the world ended,” Griffin said, suddenly uncomfortable, “I, uh, no didn’t really want to do anything except get out of the city, before then…”

“I don’t know what's bad about living in New York, sounds like a blast,” Benjy said, “You got the Eiffel Tower and shit-“

“Empire State building,” Bea corrected.

“Huh?”

“Empire State Building. The Eiffel Tower is in Paris.”

“Oh yeah, that one,” Benjy said, “Sounds cool to be able to see shit like that whenever you wanted.”

“Yeah, after pushing past the tens of thousands of people who also want to see one very tall building in the middle of a bunch of other very tall buildings,” Griffin rolled his eyes.

“You really don’t miss anything, don’t you?” Bea commented. Griffin shook his head.

“Miss my family but that's about it. I didn’t lose a lot. The city sucked and the people there too. I prefer Sacramento, at least I don’t have assholes throw their money at me every time they want to bring their car into America’s number one shitty place to own a car,” he said, “Take the subway, it’s good for two things; getting places and surviving a bomb being dropped on you.” Rush laughed.

“We’re glad you’re here anyway, Griffin,” he said. Griffin smirked.

“Happy to be here too, Captain my Captain,” Griffin replied, giving an exaggerated bow, causing Rush to roll his eyes.

The group continued to talk, swapping out stories from their youth, until the fire died down and it was late. One by one, everyone left, Bea giving Griffin a wave before she left, until Griffin was alone, the conversation from earlier that night playing in his head. He took a deep breath and looked up at the night sky, now more visible without the glare of the fire to dull it.

So much clearer than the sky in New York City.

#hawkfurze writes #far cry new dawn #the captain #thomas rush #griffin #garret barnes

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what-you-dont-surrender · 6 years ago

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Killing Eve 2x07 Analysis

At V’s: Reflections reflections…with a camera pan to V and Eve that has to turn away from the sight. She’s almost there, but not quite.

“Do you want to talk about it? You’ll feel better if you do.” This is coming from the woman who’s heard people beg for mercy, who’s heard people tell her they have kids who depend on them, who never ever cares. Yet this time she wants to listen, she’ll encourage someone to speak, so long as that person is Eve. Sympathy, which in V’s case could be a progression to empathy, seeing as she already feels a connection with Eve strong enough to use the term “us”. For once, Villanelle doesn’t care about whether or not this is a fun activity, whether or not she’ll be bored listening to Eve, what she cares about is Eve being “ok”.

“Two AA meetings and suddenly you’re the expert on honesty?” “Yeah”

Thing is, she just might be. Let’s not forget that V is exceptionally intelligent, shall we? She may not understand the concept of honesty (which she’s self-aware about) but what she does understand now is that it is important to Eve. She’s so well-versed with honesty now, in fact, that she knows enough to be able to say the following lines: (“Do you mean it?”) “I don’t know” (“You don’t know if you’re telling the truth or not?”) “Not really.”

Add to this her facial expression:

Our murder baby is trying so hard to reach within herself to know because she knows that, to Eve, honesty is important. She’s learning the weight of her words, she’s learning that even if she doesn’t understand honesty, she needs to try to be as sure of what she says to Eve as she can be. There is even a mild sense of insecurity, perhaps? A worry that this is something that will turn Eve away from her? But by god, she will admit that she can’t tell the truth apart because it’s the least she can do. The next part, I’ve already written about so I won’t delve into so much, feel free to read it here.

What I do want to add is how utterly sure V is of her next sentence: (“You don’t feel anything?”) “I feel things when I’m with you.”

The smallest pause…

Absolute certainty…

Vulnerability, if she had a face.

That small pause in the first image, it was so brief, to be honest I don’t think V was thinking. I think she was feeling. She understood why that question mattered, she understood why Eve had to ask. She understood its implications, the way their dynamic hung in the balance by the answer to that question alone. But the second image, she doesn’t have to even think because she knows. Because there is a boy in a grave who knew that to Villanelle “Eve” was synonymous with the word “love”, because her first clean kill was titled “love in an elevator”, because the dance floor in an underground club knows, because the bathroom stall in which she almost choked a girl to death knows, because her hotel bed, her hotel bathroom, that damn mirror – all of Amsterdam knows. She doesn’t have to think twice before telling Eve: she feels things when she’s with her. And on that third image, that stare, that certainty. V is no expert at being vulnerable, but she will she try, if only with Eve, to make sure she gets just how honest and true she is being here. Honestly, I think watching a 3 second clip of this moment makes it more clear than still images but it’s the best I could do.

And then my favorite line: “I’m not with them when I’m with them.” I talk a bit about that on the link above as well.

Restaurant scene:

“It’s the best thing on the menu,” homeboy Aaron is obsessed with the concepts of best, perfect, exact, etc. And honestly he’d be worthy of a diagnosis if I was more interested in him as a character beyond his interactions/comparisons with V. For now lets just say he’s somewhat of a “social voyourist” per se; he likes to watch, to live vicariously through others, it’s so much safer. I love the way this interaction initiates because

Otherworldly pasta!

So much so, Sigh by Unloved starts playing in the background. This song, by the way, played during the Niko and Eve scene from 206. It implies arousal and carnal desire, lust, if you will. But this time it’s not V who’s aroused, it’s

homeboy Aaron

Also, notice how the moment this scene is initiated we get close ups; this implication of intimacy, along with Sigh playing in the background, but felt by Aaron instead of V. (thank the gods)

And then it begins to switch back and forth from them to

My sexual senses are tingling, must call my gf - I mean V. Sigh continues to play through this constant scenery switches, by the way.

We then get the wide pan as V and Aaron begin to talk about Amber, only for the camera to slowly begin zooming in as we get:

“I like buying things” “Go on,” “I like owning them…I like looking at them” “You’re a collector then?” “I guess so” “Of what?” “All kinds of things, things that make me feel something.”

One of the goals this episode set out to achieve was to create a parallel between Aaron and V, to show just how similar they can be. They are not reflections however, as we will see later on in the episode.

And here V reaches an understanding, she knows exactly what it is he wants. Whereas at first she had assumed he wanted to sleep with her, she now sees he just wants to observe, it is the only thing he craves.

“Lets go out and see something, that’s something we can do.”

And so, V begins to perform.

At V’s apartment:

“Cancel what I’ve been through and now I’m changing my world and now I’m changing my world…”

The song continues to play as V listens to Eve’s voicemails, smiling like the smitten dork that she is. And this is telling because V really is changing her world. She’s feeling for the first time, she is exhibiting behaviors she never has before, she feels compelled to do things for someone else, she is learning to control her impulses, she is trying to understand the concept of honesty…she is somewhere much different than where she was back in that opening scene, mimicking behavior before dropping ice cream on a little girl after having murdered an old man in Vienna without knowing why she was getting paid to do so.

And then:

Worried I’ve been murdered? Me? World’s deadliest assassin?

Yeah, really, worried, murdered, all of it. I see people saying this was funny cause, come on, Eve’s just being awkward. But no. I think this is very honest of Eve, she really does worry about V, we see this when she talks to Martin too. She might’ve gone along and spoken to Martin about herself, but she means it when she says she worries about V and her well-being. And this must be strange for both of them, I mean look at V’s face. No one’s worried for her before, hell, they pay her to put herself in these situations in the first place. She’s a weapon, its what she does. But here is Eve calling her 9 times, leaving 3 voice mails, sounding anxious and then forcefully collected, wondering if V is okay. Just wanting to hear her voice and be sure she’s safe. And though new and strange, well:

It’s also nice.

At Carolyn’s:

“You weren’t listening?” “Not this time, no.” And she says this with a straight back, head held high; someone’s proud.

“What’s her state of mind? “She is excited”

Konstantin cutting Eve off here, I’m sure Eve wouldn’t have said that to Carolyn if she had had the chance to answer, which he probably knew. “Have you been razzing her up, Eve?” “Razzing?” “I’m counting on you to keep her calm.” Interesting choice of word here, indeed. Have you been teasing her Eve? Teasing? Carolyn didn’t even have to think, it was her go to word here. And Eve is confused.

“Villanelle? Sit still?” “She will, she just needs to think that she’s in charge” I mean, yes, which is something Konstantin hasn’t quite figured out how to manage in his years with her, but also, no. Did ya catch him looking at Eve when she says this? This would work if Eve wasn’t actually falling for our dear V, so while she’s right in theory she’s wrong in practice. V is a master manipulator, I don’t think she’s quite gotten that yet.

Its interesting to me how Eve is okay with the concept of a team up until Konstantin say he can “supervise”. She’s more than okay leading a group, but having someone above her? Not interested. Honestly, this plays into her own psyche, as she believes herself to be more capable than others.

“Don’t forget what she did to Anna.”

You mean, nothing? V thought she loved Anna, and while her courting method sucked, she never actually hurt the woman. Sure, she isolated and pursued her, hoping her fixation would be reciprocated but she didn’t pose an actual threat to her even after she was rejected. But the thing is, Eve has shown to respond to V’s courting: she’s thrilled by V’s kills, she gets a high from the little messages V leaves her, she becomes aroused by the adrenaline she feels when V imposes herself on her. And Carolyn knows this: “Well, maybe you do need a bag man, take Hugo.”

Storage unit:

“You’re a hoarder” / “You’re a collector, then?”

Eve has a type, with one huge difference: V likes to look at them, Niko just likes to keep them. “I like owning them…I like looking at them.” Niko only owns; he only keeps Eve. Sure, he claims to love her, but only the parts of her he deems appropriate. He likes to keep her, but he’s not an active participant in her life, barely even for sex. He likes to go to Bingo night, come home, have Indian food, and read a book before falling asleep with the certainty that Eve will be there to do it all over again tomorrow. But V? She wants Eve in every aspect of her life: she wants to come up with intricate kills that Eve can admire, she wants to leave little hints only Eve can decipher, she wants to buy gifts in every country she visits and surprise Eve while she’s away, she wants to pick outfits only Eve is worthy enough to see her in, she wants to learn how to do things that are innately difficult for her because they matter to Eve. She wants to look at her, yes, and interact with her too, as we’ll see later on in the episode.

Boy, do I love cocky Villanelle. Asking for a thank you, bless, rub it in his face some more. And then her face when she says “Eve likes it, so…” As if “my baby likes it so of course I’m going to hold you at knife point and demand you tell me how to make it cause, trust me, I’ve tried and it’s just not worthy of Eve at all. Oh, Worcester sauce? Of course!” I mean it’s such an “duh of course, absolutely” moment. Eve likes it. That’s all the reason she needs to be doing this. Eve.

At Carolyn’s:

“Any escalation? Increased attention-seeking, recklessness?” A chuckle and a no for V and then “How about you?” Sadly, we’re interrupted by Kenny, but we know the answer. For one, the answer for both is a resounding yes. I mean, as they’re speaking V is in a storage unit interrogating Niko and Gemma about Shepherd’s Pie, for god’s sake. But also, that very morning Eve was sitting on V’s bed, leaning into her, dancing around words, trying to figure out if V also feels something for her before storming out after finding out she slept with 2 other women.

She mustn’t kill anyone but ya know, there goes Gemma lol

Back at the storage unit:

“Do you love Eve?” Cue the trembling voice, because this is the question that matters. I know some may wonder why Niko didn’t lie but let’s be honest, V would’ve known and that would’ve been worse.

“Of course I’m sure, she’s my wife.” I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS SENTENCE. Niko knows V knows Eve’s his wife, she’s still asking him if he’s sure, this response only serves to establish his territory. Being married to someone isn’t a guarantor of love. V doesn’t care so much that Eve is married as much as them being in love. It’s also a lazy answer, why are you sure Niko? There’re so many aspects you can’t stand about Eve, why are you so sure you love her? Cause of a paper you signed years ago? Do better.

“But Eve would never forgive me if I hurt you, Niko.”

Ugh, that delivery! The tremble at the “me” the emphasis on that “you”. V knows that as long as Niko chose Eve there would be a possibility of them getting back together, she was so willing to let them both go if he only said he loved Gemma, because Eve wouldn’t be able to forgive him loving someone else. But as long as he still loves her, as long as he feels comfortable enough calling her his wife, well, V feels like her place in Eve’s life is a fragile one.

“But Eve would never forgive me…” What is V’s concept of herself? What makes up her image of “me”? A murderer, a liar, a deceiver, someone who doesn’t understand the concept of honesty, someone who sleeps with other people to redirect her desire for her, someone who’s been impossible to love as far as she knows, someone who can’t settle and build a home, someone damaged. Her concept of “self” (or ego in psychology) is as fragile as her voice here. Why would she forgive her? Of course she wouldn’t.

“…if I hurt you, Niko.” You, her husband, the person she’s spent most of her life with, build a home with, someone who understands the concept of honesty to the point of risking their life when threatened by one of the deadliest assassins in the world, someone who she comes back to even though he drives her crazy sometimes, someone who makes her feel empty yet she still willingly shares a bed with.

Why would she forgive me if I took her concept of safety away? She wouldn’t.

And this level of self-awareness? It’s outstanding. Villanelle has gone from the overt narcissistic psychopathic murderer with APD to someone who questions her worth. V is a narcissist through and through and yet – AND YET – has now reached the ability to question her self-worth and her past decision-making. Talk about a character arc, my god, this is monumental. She could have very well killed Niko here, considering he poses a possible threat to her courtship of Eve, but making the decision to kill Gemma instead shows her ability to understand that that is not how people work. When she did this with Anna she though that by removing Max she would have what she wants, but now she refuses to make that same mistake even though she’d love to kill Niko. For one, she manages to frame him, punish him for straying from Eve (which, how dare he), and shows growth. I mean yes, is this a tactic to get to Eve? Sure, it lets Niko know that as long as he chooses Eve he will have to deal with V because she isn’t planning on going anywhere. But also, it shows how much she cares about Eve to place Eve’s feelings before her own urges. It is, perhaps, one of her biggest gestures of love so far.

At V’s:

“Maybe we’re soulmates.” Okay, so I’m not interested in V’s little joke as much as her ability to use the concept adequately. The woman who’s struggling with the concept of honesty is able to understand and apply the concept of soulmates. This caught my attention because if she can understand what the implications of that word are and if she can apply it for comedic value, then she can do this in the privacy of her own heart and mind as well. So then, does she think Eve is her soulmate? She’s already used the term “us” with Eve before, is this also something she’s considered? Does she really consider Aaron her soulmate or is this really just a joke?

The little eye-roll when asked if she’s planning something, her smile at the concept of being alone with Eve, giddy like a schoolgirl. I think this concept of soulmates might be more real to V than we’re being shown just yet.

Martin’s:

“He could kill the shit out of me” Eve, you truly identify the best with those who aren’t psychologically stable, huh?

“Aren’t they already [out of hand], putting a psychopath, possibly two, in a high-risk situation, and just…hoping for the best?” This is LITERALLY a summary of Killing Eve, folks. That’s it, that’s the show, we can all go home.

“I want her to be safe.” “Sounds like she can take care of herself” “No, she can’t”

Eve is doing two things here: 1. Speaking of herself through V, which Martin notices, and we’ll go into in a sec 2. Being honest.

We’ll see more of this throughout the episode, Eve goes through great lengths to make sure she’s sure V will not be harmed. She really does want V to be ok and the only safety she can provide is physical safety. She has yet to figure out V’s emotions, which she only just learned this morning exist, so what she can do to care for V is to make sure she’s safe. Eve worries for one of the world’s deadliest assassins, how endearing.

Now, Martin dismisses this second point mostly because he’s ignorant to what we’re privy to as the audience, and he also ignores her dismissal at being here for a “work thing” and that’s when we get:

“How much of the day do you pend thinking about her? “Most of it” “Are you two in a relationship?” “Define relationship.” “Are you having sex?” “No” The mistake Eve and some of us as viewers might make here is assume that “are you having sex?” is a question used to clarify Eve’s “define relationship” when it isn’t, it’s its own question. If Martin is as good as we’re led to believe he will notice how telling it is that Eve’s answer to “are you two in a relationship?” is “define relationship.” If the dynamic Eve and V have now is so complex and intertwined that the boundaries that define what a relationship is have been blurred then it’s safe to say that yes, they are in fact in one. Whatever the terms of it might be have yet to be established but a mental health professional must recognize that once these concepts require situational specification then we’re in trouble. Martin uses Eve’s request for clarification as a way to find out how intimate and safe they feel with one another at this time, because having sex would require them both to finally let their guards down with each other completely.

However, this may also give Eve the false idea that as long as they don’t have sex she hasn’t fully surrendered herself to her attraction to V. To Eve, as long as she can say she hasn’t slept with her, then no one can say she’s in too deep, as long as she doesn’t sleep with her she can keep crossing every line there is. And that’s simply not true, of course. Villanelle knows this though, she knows that sex is something Eve will not simply allow nonchalantly, she knows it’s not something she can charm her way into. She can’t just flirt with Eve, arouse her, and lead her to her bed, because Eve doesn’t work like that. Eve needs to bring down her walls on her own, on her own terms, at her own time. So yeah, V is definitely playing her cards in just the right way to get closer to Eve, but ultimately Eve will be the one who has to cross that threshold. @lesbianmoonlobster and I have previously spoken about my theory of The Threshold, for lack of a better term. I’ve mentioned to them how, if PWB was still writing, I’d be skeptical of Eve’s capacity to kill someone until next season, but now with Emerald, it has become clear that we’re driving at a faster speed, turning this into a possibility. At the very least, I do believe that Eve will reach a threshold this season and that, regardless of what form it takes, it will cause Eve’s grey morality to get a shade or two darker. My point is here, that V is playing her role in slowly coaxing Eve into her bed. “How are things at home?” “My husband left me.” “Are you behaving differently, doing things you normally wouldn’t?” “Yes” A vocal tremble on that “yes” “Do you feel unsafe?” “Yeah” A whispered response. “How else do you feel right now?” “I feel…wide awake.” Cue teary eyes.

The way I observe this part? “behaving differently” = subway man, using Niko, etc “unsafe” = herself “wide awake” = a realization A lot of people have mentioned how “bitchy” or cold Eve has been acting with V despite V’s attempts at casual get-to-knows (for lack of a better term) but part of this, I’m sure, has to do with Eve realizing that yeah, she’s very much like V. She’s scared of herself, of the things that she does, of how much she enjoys them and how much more she wants to do. But boy, does she feel revitalized – does she feel more herself.

“I recommended that you be taken off this operation, I said you were too involved and too compromised, but my recommendation was ignored.”

Eve’s eyes search, her tears begin to gather, she ponders.

“I’m telling you for your own safety.”

She looks up, she leaves.

This part, to me, is her moment of confirmation. Hearing Martin reveal what he had observed in their previous meeting, a professional, and expert, affirming that yes, you’re at risk of plunging into the very thing you’re dreading, only serves to confirm Eve of her realization. Perhaps even encourages her to continue on that path.

At the restaurant:

Number of things going on here but one I’m leaving alone ‘til its culmination point later in the episode. For one: here’s Eve trying to keep V safe again, risking being seen and blowing their operation because the only way she can protect V is by making sure she’s listening in so, all be damned, she’s gonna get her a back-up mic if it’s the last thing she does.

Little bit of light teasing from Hugo before this but it does tie in nicely with the way V caresses Eve’s hand as she takes the bread:

Because V knows what this looks like, Aaron buying her things, taking her to Rome, dinner at an expensive restaurant. All things V could want without the need to kill anyone. All reasons she could be charmed by Aaron, so yeah, she’s going to reassure Eve. Also, such a cute little way of saying “the creation of Eve” considering V has been the catalyst, or god in this sense, which has spurred Eve’s change. Except their hands are touching, unlike in the painting, implying they’re equals, Eve becoming in V’s likeness.

Cut to Eve’s hotel room:

“She’s having a great time.” Someone’s jealous. Someone’s doubtful. Despite V’s reassurance, the possibility of V finding someone else who watches her (“do you like to watch her or do you like being watch?”) scares Eve.

“I knew she wouldn’t let me down.” Oh boy, Eve. Development of trust, that’s a biggie (understatement of the year, worthy of a complete essay). Eve believes in V, she trusts her, she counts on her. The woman she professed she’d find what she loves and destroy it, the woman she stabbed, all of a sudden is worthy of her trust.

Also, V choosing One Way or Another? Subtle V, real subtle.

With Aaron:

“You’ll be bored stiff” “I’ll be fine” “You’ll be bored” “Ok, I’ll be bored” “Good”

Remember how I said Aaron would be worthy of a diagnosis if I cared enough about his character beyond his relation to V? We’ve reached that point. The beautiful thing that the show has been trying to do this entire episode is reaching it’s culmination point.

Aaron doesn’t only function as a parallel but also helps create a spectrum for the viewers. It is no longer just grey morality, it’s no longer just a psychopath, a dysfunctional MI6 agent with failed marriages, and a possible sociopath. Now it’s a spectrum because now we have that absolute black, or, as Aaron describes later, that “void”. Now we can line them all up.

Does that stare look familiar?

The very thing Aaron wants to see in V is what she once was, what he is: devoid of expression, devoid of her ability to interact with others in the manner she has now achieved.

“They’re both cold-blooded psychopaths…” “She’s just doing her job”

Well Hugo is right about one thing, as far as we’re shown, and as far as the show wants us to believe, they are both candidates for an Antisocial Personality Disorder diagnosis, albeit they fall in different categories. And Eve, though she may be basing her answer on her feelings, is right about her observation. Ultimately, V and Aaron would not function well together as they both have different needs and different understandings of the world, which we’ll see later on.

Russian meeting:

“…all this information is yours.”

“Language is information and information is everything.”

Look at V’s smile, she likes the sound of having access to all of this. Can’t blame her, really, it’s what she’s been lead to believe ever since The Twelve broke her out of prison, it’s the only way of life that’s really worked for her.

After:

I…love this scene.

“I told you you’d be bored”

Oh, but she wasn’t Aaron, she was thrilled.

What follows is, similarly to Eve, V’s own revelation.

“You’re the only person in the world I know nothing about. Nothing real. A void.” “That’s me” “I thought so, me too.”

But let’s look at V’s response:

She says it with so much certainty, the only thing she’s ever been really sure of. Everywhere she goes it’s all anyone perceives her as:

“You should never tell a psychopath they’re a psychopath, it upsets them.”

All she’s ever been told is how unstable, how cold, how different she is from everyone around her. So yeah, she sees herself as a void, we’ve established that V has gained a sense of self-awareness this season.

But Aaron is not privy to her development, he does not know that much of where V’s statement is coming from is no longer sound, and so he misidentifies himself with her.

And I say misidentifies because:

“Do you ever get lonely?” “Never” Because V does! V gets lonely, she gets bored, she craves attention and gratification. Loneliness, in particular, is something she mostly feels when away from the object of her fixation, now affection, such as Anna, Nadia, and now Eve. “You don’t want to…talk to them…touch them, sleep with them? “God, no.” “Do you?” “Yeah! I do, all the time.” She is so animated here, so surprised. Consciously or not, V seems to have formed this idea that she and Aaron were the same side of the same coin. “Soulmates” if you will. Cut of the same threat, both loving money, loving items, loving to watch. Both willing to discard people when they’re bored, both doing anything to pass the time, both valuing information, seeing those around them as less than. But here, this monumental difference. This desire to create connections and relationships with others, to not only watch but to engage in what we refer to as play in psychology. This is V’s revelation: they are not the same, she is capable of so much more than she’s allowed herself to believe.

Look at that smile!

What the show achieves here is the establishment of a spectrum for all of their characters. Something that shows who wish to portray psychopaths often do is create this robot-like person who is most often a sadist who lies and cheats and is the epitome of all things immoral and evil. Psychopathy is just a symptom of people who fall in cluster B personality disorders, often a mix of APD with a few others. Something I’ve mentioned before is how some psychologists have theorized that APD patients can actually feel emotions but often struggle with actively feeling them or identifying them because they feel them much more fleetingly or to a much lesser degree than most people. There is no exact depiction of a psychopath or APD patient because there is no one way in which this disorder presents itself, it is a spectrum. And here we see this established, we see Aaron as the one who can only function through I-it relationships, whereas for V there is an I-you, however mild and chaotic. And this revelation to her is a doorway; it opens up so many possibilities that she may now have the strength to aim for, particularly Eve because, all of a sudden, there is validity in her desire for their connection.

And who knows that now?

THAT scene:

It was sexy, I know. I won’t take the sexy away but I do want to point out a few things here:

1. Eve making sure her girl – I mean V – is safe, again. She’s ready and willing to listen all night if she has to. Whether it’s because the last time she left her alone V slept with 2 chicks or because extreme-end-of-the-spectrum-psychopath Aaron is around, Eve is making absolutely certain she’s there should V need her.

2. Remember that relationship/sex question from Martin? The way Eve deflected by asking him to define “relationship”? Remember how I said she might fool herself into thinking that as long as she doesn’t sleep with V they’re not together, she hasn’t gone too far? Eve is so close to crossing her own blurred line. V is more than aware of just how far she can push Eve, just how to inch her closer little by little over that line. Notice the progression here: Eve’s sexual drive revived with the arrival of V in her life, of course, but notice the way it has escalated over time. At first it was the excitement of her new job, the gifts V sent her, the thrill of danger, the flowers at her doorstep, Niko angered by V’s presence, and now V pleasuring herself. It began by situations, then items, then their dynamic, V’s show of affection, V vicariously through Niko, and now its her on own voice. She’s been easing her way into Eve’s bed, slowly fixing herself as the object of Eve’s desire. Eve has begun to embrace this longing; she did not put up a fight the moment she realized V was ready and willing to spend the night with her through Hugo’s body. Eve understood that she too has been with others without being with them. And does she care?

Not one bit. Not as long as she gets to wake up hearing Villanelle’s voice, it seems.

Good for them.

#killing eve #villanelle #eve polastri #villaneve #this is really really really long i know i'm so sorry #thanks to all the encouraging folks who kept me company while writing this #shout out to lesbianmoonlobster as well for being awesome

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aintnouseofpretending · 6 years ago

Text

Together Since...

Summary: You and Joe just graduated together from college. But Joe wishes to celebrate it with just the two of you. Basically just general fun and fluff~

Pairing: Joe Mazzello x Reader

Warning: FLUFF. College AU.

Word Count: 2770.

Inspired by and perma-tag: CONGRATULATIONS @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark FOR GRADUATING!! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU <4444 THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING GREAT, SO DO YOUR BEST <444

+—-—+—-—+—-—+—-—+—-—+

You almost jumped when Joe suddenly grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him—practically hugging you and showing off your obvious relationship with him. He leaned his head in and already posing for the camera. You try your best to hold back and keep the joke later whilst also giving out your best smile to the photographer. It doesn’t take long for everyone to joins in and pose, from silly and complex stance to a literal boring statue.

“Okay! Now be as funny as possible!” Shouted the photographer that happens to be your most favourite professor.

You have promised yourself to keep the joke and your ridiculous antics for later, but mind bubbling from the overwhelming happiness suggested only one thing; to kiss Joe right there right now. Funny enough, Joe got the same idea and carry you, receiving some; “ew!” and “get a room!” comments from your friends. Neither of you cares, and you will let nothing ruin the beautiful day of your college graduation.

After receiving the last OK from your professor, all of you throws your hat in the air. Cheerful laughs soon follow, you and Joe hugged and spins, giggling whilst he showers your face with kisses. In return, being the rowdy one, you rub and scratch his head frantically, making it as messy as it can get. You almost fell down when he finally put you on the ground, but him refusing to let you go saved you.

“Almost nothing’s changed. Still dating. Graduating together. Still very fucking childish too.” Ben remarked, tipping his head at you. “I salute you, y/n, only true masters can endure this clown for so long.”

Shortly after Joe is chasing Ben, trying to drop kick the blonde, Rami and Lucy join you. They too are another couple in your friend circle that’s graduating together today, and you can’t be any happier to be friends with them still. Just like your usual hobby, the three of you starts making fun from the sideline of Joe-Ben duo dynamic that’s getting goofier the older they get. Ben purposely circling Gwilym and his girlfriend which resulted in Gwil also hunting him down. You could never be any prouder of seeing your boyfriend and the other two boys running around the field, becoming the centre of attention for being so god damn childish you can almost hear their parents start yelling at them. You even have forgotten about your earlier jokes for him.

“No, seriously. How can you handle him?” Ask Lucy, still chuckling. “It’s like having a child!”

“We’ve been together for so long, if I still can't handle the boy then I have a serious problem!” You answered whilst you wave him to come. You ready your old polaroid as fast as you can, but Joe is quicker and by the time you see him through your camera lens, he’s already posing. “Damn it, babe! Be more natural!”

“I’m not letting you take an ugly picture of me!”

Too late for permission when you have made that your goal for today. Besides, you’ve got a couple already, so it doesn’t really matter. But your mind quickly shifted as you click the capture button, only to see Lucy’s face dominating the entirety of your view. If only she’s not too busy laughing at your shocked face, perhaps you won’t get the chance to tackle her on the grass.

“Geez, you guys.” Rami shakes his head. “Those two kids? Not my friends.”

When you hold Lucy down trying to tickle her, Joe ran towards you and hide on your back. Before you could even ask what on earth he’s doing, you see Ben is stomping close to you as he tries to clean his suit underneath his graduation robe.

“Joe, you’re a fuck!”

“Honey, he’s being mean to me!” Cry Joe, hiding his face on your shoulder. “I didn’t do it on purpose! I swear!”

“Don’t think that was the truth.” Gwilym laughs whilst he looks at Ben’s pants. The dried mud Ben tries to get rid of with tissues and a piece of cloth still looks like it was glued permanently.

“I fucking rent this! Now I have to goddamn—.”

You kneeled and take a closer look at the damage. Try to pick it with your nails but you can’t even scrape the outmost layer. You stare at Joe. When he can only shrug, you sighed and stand up.

“When will you return it?”

“Tomorrow!” Ben answered, staring dagger at your boyfriend. “Anyway, I shouldn’t have started.”

“You shouldn’t, but I will transfer the cost anyway. How much was it?” You take out your phone whilst Ben whispered the numbers. It’s difficult to not shake your head at the price and damage fee, but Ben really don’t mess around when it comes to dressing himself up.

Joe pouted as he saunters next to you, putting his arm over your shoulder.

“Sorry, dude.” He finally says, eyeballing your phone’s screen and Ben’s trouser back and forth. “Just to impress Chelsea? What a good boyfriend.”

“Yeah, unlike you, letting your girlfriend paid for your damn mistake.” Ben retaliation receives your instant kick on his knee. “Jesus Christ! I'm joking! Don’t ruin this suit anymore!”

Once you’re done, Joe leaned in and whispered; “I’ll pay you back later. For now, let’s get the hell out of here.”

“So soon? Baby are you alright?” You say it like a concerned mother, checking every centimetre of his face and body. He only rubbed his stomach. “Hungry? We’re about to have lunch with the others.”

Joe give you last confirmation shrug before he grabs your hand and drags you to the car park. You can’t even say goodbye, so whilst you’re being treated like a suitcase, trying to catch up with Joe’s speed, you make sure you tell the others through group chat that you and your boyfriend are bailing early. If Joe doesn’t worry you a little right now, maybe you’ll pay more attention and make a better excuse than ‘we got something to do! See y’all soon!.’

“So... You’re gonna tell me what happened?” You break the silence after you finish eating your last slice of pizza. Joe is still chewing and staring at you, which, if you’re quite honest, a bit unnerving, despite knowing well how weird he can be sometimes.

He downed his soda and wipe his lips in a slow and elegant manner. He finally smiles when he has successfully made you chuckle. Although both his smile and your laugh doesn’t last long when you slap his hand from stealing your fries.

“Not much, hun. Just want to be with you all day.” You raised one of your eyebrows. “What? Why is it odd that I only want to be with my girl today?”

“Sorry. Cause it’s usually you that loves to hang with your friends, you know?” You pushed your plate of fries to him. “Already got a plan or we’ll just wing it?”

You gave out a ‘come on!’ and almost protests his yet another nonchalant shrug, but he points at your Polaroid camera on the table. Even though it’s almost four years ago, you quick to pick up what he meant. This is just like when you two both graduated high school. As you reach for your camera bag, pretending to be a magician, Joe laid three photos you’ve taken at the prom night.

“People got a poor taste. We should’ve been the king and queen that night.” He started. “At least we’re still going strong, what, Robert and Jessica broke up immediately a week after prom, right?”

“Popular kids. They’re both an arsehole. They tried to break us up when we first started dating.” You inspect the yellowing photo and thought you should’ve added a transparent film on them since these particular three also your most favourite. “But let’s not talk about them and instead...”

“You want me to grow my hair again?” He snickered, still snacking on your fries with no mercy. “Sure, if you want to wear that dorky glasses again every once in a while when we’re on a date.”

“Worry not, my love,” you take out your eyeglasses case. As you wear them Joe can’t stop laughing. “Hey! You wanted this, you nerd!”

“I guess we’re thinking the same thing for today.” He grasps your hand that was resting on the table. “When you’re so innocently and naively say that we’ll graduate college together too, I’m not so sure about that you know?”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t think you can catch up with me and graduating late all by yourself.” He softly pinches your hand. “Ow! Joking!”

“Hey slowpoke, finish your fries and let’s get going!”

“What fries? You just massacred ‘em!” You swing your leg to him, but he expected that and dodged it easily. “You promised you’ll pay me back, just pay for our foods and get more fries for the go!”

“Glutton!”

“Look at that, the pot calling the kettle black!”

The banter didn’t end there. On your way to the car, the two of you hasn’t stopped what started as friendly insults to full-on sharp jabs. Gwilym once overhears the two of you being that lovey-dovey, he thought you two are actually fighting and trying to be the middleman. Even Ben call you two a weirdo for having such bad habit stays. But neither you nor Joe care, the two of you feel comfortable and secure with each other, and that’s all that matters. Soon after the fake fight, you both will be like any other normal couple, giving each other hugs and kisses and praises.

“Huh, I really didn’t think you’ll take us to the beach. Totally isn’t like when we’re graduating high school.” His laugh was cut short when you tickle him on the rib. “Watch the road! Don’t want us to die this early!”

“Say the man that records vlogs whilst driving, yesterday.” He gives you silly faces which you happily return. “Hey, they still got the ice cream stand from four years ago! I wonder if they still got UniHazel flavour.”

“UniHazel? Oh, that rainbow coloured hazelnut flavour?” Joe opened the window absent-mindedly, in an instant, the nostalgic sweet-salty smell of the sea fills the car. The sound of the waves feels just like a warm blanket that envelopes the two of you on a cold night. You can already feel the rough sand on your feet or the gentle caress of the water. Joe put his hand on your thigh but still have his eyes gazed out the window, enjoying the afternoon scenery. The cloudless sky radiates the beautiful purple, orange, and blue that mixes like a watercolour painting.

“You park the car, I’ll get us some of them UniHazels.” He leans to kiss your cheek before he reaches his jacket on the back seat to get the wallet out. “Careful, honey. Meet me by the stand.”

“You too, babe.” You kissed the back of his hand only for him to give you an eye roll. “What, a woman can’t be romantic?”

“Just go!” He sticks out his tongue before closing the door. When he walked away, you can’t get your eyes away off him through the rearview mirror. Whenever he’s not around, you always feel so empty. How long has it been? After you say you find Joe cute to your friend, suddenly everyone knows about it. Some jerks tease him for it and you feel so guilty when that happens. You promised you will kick the arse of those dare to hurt him in any way, and that makes him starts liking you back. But seriously, you forgot when the two of you officially boyfriend and girlfriend, after several hangouts and dates, you only remember saying; “We look like a couple right now.” To which he replied; “Are we not already?”

You almost panic break when you hear your phone chimed, it’s Joe’s scream that you cut and isolate to use as a text notification specifically from him. He told you that the line is long, so you don’t have to hurry and plough through the crowd. You text back; “Shouldn’t worry about me. But you don’t get into a fight with kids, I know you’re impatient.” He spams you ten thumbs down emoji in respond.

Now, where were you? Oh right, that sweet, sweet, high school memories. You think when Joe says that, he’s half-joking, but you take it seriously and practically dared him to promise and mustn’t back down or he’s a loser. He retorted saying it’s a lose-lose situation then, because dating you, a loser, means he will be a loser as well. Your genuine pout causes him to said in panic and nervous laugh; “But since when are we not a loser? Right?”

You think that happens around two years before graduation, and the two of you become a kickass couple that’s still going strong even until today. So it’s six years then. You make sure to mentally note it, since it’s always been him that memorise the exact date of your anniversary, and he makes sure to throws tantrum after knowing you don’t remember, not even the month. Joe screamed again when you’re just turning off the car. “Where are you? I miss you already :(” You smiled and replied; “Okay, whose kid beats you? I’ll talk to their parents for picking a fight with my kid.” It’s another thumb down for you, but he added; “His name is Kevin, that bastard! He throws sands at me! It’s coarse and irritating my eyes so he got me on the spot!”

You don’t mind people staring at you for giggling by yourself, and you haven’t stopped texting with him until you’re near the ice cream stand. After he sees you, you purposely take out your Polaroid, and when he’s already posing, you aim the camera towards the beach.

“Arsehole!” His yell causes even more people to stare at you. “I ain’t giving you no ice cream! Nu ‘uh! Bully doesn’t get no sweets!”

“That’s a double negative. You’re going to give me it." You can tell he’s considering running away with the two ice cream on his hands, but he knows it won’t worth the risk of getting you mad if the ice cream fell on the sand. “Thank you, baby, I love you.”

“Yea, yea.” He returns your kiss as you grab his hand. “Pretty sure you say that because I got ice cream.”

“Whaaat, I am not Ben.” You say that as you start eating the ice cream. “No, no at all.”

“And I’m not jealous to damn ice cream right now—ew! Don’t kiss me! Your mouth is sticky—y/n! How dare you—! Come back here! Don’t you want me to pay you back? Why are you running huh?!”

You screamed and laugh as you quickly finish the ice cream that’ll allow you to run better. The chase didn’t last long though, because this time it’s Joe’s ice cream that makes you jealous. And whilst he’s busy making out trying to return the favour, you grab your camera and take as many pictures of him as you can. He only turned around when he notices you, so you ignored him and take pictures of the beach instead. Later he joins you by your side.

“Finished with the ice cream? You got them all over your mouth there.” You didn’t bring tissue, so you use your hands to wipe them then you wash it on the sea water. “Look at the sky, babe, it’s so pretty right?”

What originally was you trying to look as pretty as possible for his eyes to feast upon, only for you to be stunned by his as he enjoys the salty wind and vivid colour of the sky. You feel your eyes getting teary and your smile starts to hurt your cheeks, this moment is far too much. Your heart swells with love and compassion towards him. And you don’t mind if this moment can’t last, so long if you can stay with him forever. Showering him with love and kisses. To swear you’ll protect his smile at all cost. You’ll take care of him. You’ll give him everything you have got. In return for his love.

“Am I that handsome?” He jokes, but you can only nod. “You can’t imagine how beautiful you are to me too.”

“Oh, I know.” You raise your camera, “last one? Please?”

“I love you, y/n.”

“I love you too, Joe.” You smiled before you finally clicked the capture button.

Click. (End)

#Joe Mazzello x Reader #BoRhap Fan Fiction #Fan Fiction #Joe Mazzello #Rami Malek #Lucy Boynton #Gwilym Lee #Ben Hardy #Fluff #College AU #College graduation

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banshee-cheekbones · 6 years ago

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i would love to request some more zagene!!! preferably some first kiss action? cause you’re super good at first kiss fics!!!!! uwu!!!!!!

this is only four months late and i’m so goddamn sorry! anyways, here’s some first kiss shenanigans, set during Keith and Becky’s wedding reception!

~1.7k, on ao3 here.

shut up and dance with me.

Zach can’t remember the last time he was this drunk.

Presumably, it was for one of their videos, but that’s all he can dredge up at this particular moment. The parts of his brain normally devoted to combing back through his memories are distracted at this particular moment by the champagne flowing through his body, by the warmth concentrated in his stomach and the lightness filling his head like so many helium balloons.

Based on a quick glance around the dimly lit, expansive room where Becky and Keith’s wedding reception is in full swing, he’s sure he’s not the only one feeling this good. Ned and Ariel are sitting at a table over in the corner, and while Zach is pretty sure that Ariel’s only been drinking water for the entirety of the night, the two of them still look tipsy, foreheads resting each other, giggling at some private joke. Various family members and friends are scattered around the room, heads thrown back with laughter as they move to the upbeat music flowing from the speakers set up in each corner of the room. The happy couple themselves are over in a corner, eating off the same plate with matching ridiculous grins.

(The sight of that makes Zach’s heart ache in a way that might border on painful, if he was anything approaching sober.

Thankfully, he’s not, so he barely registers the twinge in his chest.)

And then, of course, there’s Eugene.

Even though it’s been one hell of a long day, there’s no sign of his energy dissipating anytime soon; he keeps flitting from one end of the room to another. One moment, he’s crouching down to let one of Keith’s nieces push a handful of flower into his hair; only a few seconds later, he’s talking up Becky’s mom. Once he’s left her with a smile stretching across her face, he effortlessly spins around, impossibly graceful as always, grabs two flutes of champagne off a table, and crosses the dance floor to stand beside Zach.

“Your flowers are crooked,” Zach says, taking one of the flutes when Eugene offers it to him and waving his other hand at the daisies threaded into Eugene’s hair. Eugene shrugs and reaches up to prod one with his finger.

“Probably. Do they still look cute though?”

There’s only one real answer to that question, and Zach doesn’t hesitate to say it. “Fuck yeah.”

Eugene smirks and raises his flute in a toast. “Well, that’s all that matters then.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Tipping his head back, Zach dumps the contents of the flute into his mouth. The champagne burns a line of fire down his throat and adds another layer of warmth to the pit of his stomach. He lowers his head and wipes his mouth off on the back of his hand just in time for Eugene to take the empty flute from his hand and stash both of them on the nearest table.

“Maybe we should grab you some too,” Eugene says, gesturing from the flowers to Zach. “Could braid them into your chest hair or something.”

“Don’t say that too loud,” Zach says through a laugh that veers dangerously close to being a giggle. “If Keith hears you, you know he’s going to somehow work that into a video.”

“I see nothing wrong with that.” Overhead, the music changes from a shuffling pop beat to something with a slower tempo, a song Zach remembers hearing in a movie once upon a time, almost saccharine in tone. If he concentrates on it for too long, he’s bound to fall into a self-pitying hole, but before he can come up with some kind of creative reason to excuse himself from the room, Eugene’s fingers wrap around his wrist.

“What are you doing?” Zach asks, stumbling slightly as Eugene tugs him away from the tables.

“We are going to burn up this fucking dance floor,” Eugene says, moving backwards, practically bouncing with each step that he takes.

Zach laughs helplessly. This is a horrible idea; his coordination is suspect at the best of times, never mind when he’s this drunk, and if he doesn’t trip over himself, he’s going to trip over someone else, or maybe a table leg or chair. At the very least, he’s bound to stomp on Eugene’s feet.

But Eugene looks utterly delighted as he spins them around and maneuvers Zach’s arms up into a textbook waltz pose, and even if Eugene would forget it in seconds, go off and find some other form of amusement, Zach doesn’t want to be the reason that happiness flickers or fades. So, tightening his hand on Eugene’s waist and laughing all the while, he lets himself be pulled around the dance floor, lets himself be dragged into exaggerated motions and evermore dizzying spins.

Amazingly, he manages to keep up for most of the song. That’s not saying that he dances well; he’s sure that, if he ever happens to see footage of this moment, he’s going to be embarrassed for years to come. But, by some minor miracle, he doesn’t stumble over Eugene’s feet or kick him in the shins, doesn’t crash into anyone else or lose his balance when Eugene twirls him around.

But as Eugene tries to dip him, during the last moments of the song, he fucks up.

The movement catches him off guard, and as Eugene drops him low, Zach’s feet slip out from underneath him. In his frantic struggle to stay upright, he hooks his fingers into Eugene’s jacket, but rather than the grip serving as a way for him to haul himself upright, he ends up tugging Eugene down instead. They land on the floor in a sprawl of limbs and surprised laughter, and Zach can hear the people around them laughing as well. Someone even starts applauding, and without looking around to see who it is, Zach fires off a half-assed salute, since pulling a bow isn’t exactly possible at the moment.

The floor is warm and smooth and absolutely unforgiving underneath his back. He’s sure that, come morning, once the alcohol and the giddiness fighting for space in his body have worn off, he’s going to feel the throb of half a dozen bruises, not to mention an ache in every bone lining his spine, from the impact. But for the time being, that’s a distant thought, one that breezes into his brain just as quickly as it leaves.

For the time being, he has more important things to focus on. Namely, the fact that Eugene is half-sprawled on top of him, heavy on Zach’s thighs and hips and showing no sign of moving anytime soon. He’s propped up on his hands and laughing, so close that Zach can smell the champagne on his breath.

Or maybe it’s on his own breath. Either way, he can smell champagne.

“You were doing so well!” Eugene says, dark eyes sparkling. One of the flowers has come loose and is barely clinging to his hair, hanging over his forehead like a gargoyle clinging to the outside of an old church. “I’m proud of you.”

“Hey, the only reason I ended up down here is because of you,” Zach retorts, leaning up on his elbows in an attempt to lever himself away from the undoubtedly filthy floor. “You-”

What he plans on saying is you gotta warn a guy before you do that, but only the first word leaves his mouth. The rest disintegrate in the back of his throat, because as he leans up, Eugene leans down, and their mouths skim together in a kiss.

Immediately, Zach freezes, and his heart starts beating a tattoo of fear and anxiety and outright panic. He’s dreamed of this for years, came dangerously close to confessing it on camera a time or two, but he was never stupid enough to think that it would actually happen. But, while he’s sure they’ll be able to laugh it off tomorrow, for now, unless he immediately starts drinking more, he’s going to spend the rest of the night trying to stay away from his friends, and-

That thought process comes to a screaming halt, thanks to the sudden realization that Eugene is kissing him back.

One of his hands is pressed firmly against Zach’s face, warm and slightly sticky with sweat, and he’s kissing him back. His eyes are closed (which makes Zach realize he needs to close his own), his thumb is skating back and forth against Zach’s cheek, and Zach feels like, if it wasn’t for Eugene’s weight atop of him, he’d simply float up and out of the room.

He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, fumbles them through midair for a few moments before he settles one on Eugene’s shoulder and the other on his lapel, grasps the fabric tight between his fingers. In the back of his mind, he’s vaguely aware that they’re being whistled at, but that isn’t important. The only thing that’s important is that he kiss back.

He’s not stupid. He knows that this is absolutely a dumb move, a move with potentially earthshaking consequences. This could fuck up everything: his friendship with Eugene, the entire dynamic of the Try Guys, their very jobs. Not only that, but this could very well break his goddamn heart.

But he also knows that, even under the influence, Eugene is almost painfully logical. He excels at thinking things through, at following the correct path and making the right decision. If Eugene is doing this, it must mean that he’s thought about it before, that he’s weighed the pros and cons, the positives and the negatives, and decided to kiss Zach anyways.

Really, for now at least, that’s all the reassurance Zach needs.

By the time Eugene pulls away, face lit up with a grin that looks almost out of place, Zach’s lungs are aching with the need to breathe. Even as he inhales deeply, he finds himself mirroring Eugene’s smile, feels it creeping across his face wholly of its own accord.

“So,” Eugene says. Carefully, he rolls up onto his feet and extends a hand to help Zach up. “We’re gonna have to work on that.” Zach doesn’t know whether Eugene is referring to the dancing or kissing or both, but he nods rapidly all the same.

What he does know is that he isn’t ready for the night to end.

“Okay,” he says, nodding rapidly and grinning as Eugene pulls him back in close. “Let’s get to work then.”

#devilstrip #zagene #mine #mine: fic #two prompts in one week!#hopefully this isn't the last i write for months again

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selfships-in-spanish · 6 years ago

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You know what, sometimes NSFW arts don't always makes you horny because I came to realize that I've never been this motivated to practice drawing poses because 👏 I 👏 WANT 👏 TO 👏 TAP 👏 THAT 👏DOG 👏LOVING 👏FRECKLED 👏 ASS 👏 and I'm too broke to commision my oc getting heated up with the said hottie. So in conclusion, not only NSFW turns you on it also turns your brain on so Tumblr shouldn't ban NSFW arts in the first place *chugs🍵*

HELL YEAH THAT IS SOME DELICIOUS TEA, SIS. PREACH!!!

No but, seriously, this whole bullshit Tumblr is pulling out... this is gonna end so bad for them. People’s already fleeing. Tumblr evolved thanks to its users, and if you treat them like this... then do not be surprised when no-one wants to fucking touch your website, even with a stick. NSFW doesn’t equal immoral shit you’re going to burn in hell for. What about all those sex-ed this shit hole of a world needs because our governments cannot do a fucking decent job? All those gifs or photos or drawings that are such beautiful pieces? Sex doesn’t mean it’s a taboo thing you cannot see. It’s healthy to know about it and inform yourself about what’s out there. Or sometimes you’re just a horny fuck and need to let out some steam, so what?

It makes me so angry. I’ve been here for a LOT of years now and I’m sad that it has become this pile of shit. I’ve met wonderful people and made so many amazing friends,but... ughdjfghk I hate this.

BUT BACK TO THE NSFW, HELL YEAH! I mean, I’ve been enjoying all those prompts (and there are A LOT more in the works) because not only it’s fun to draw nsfw, but also it is a great way to improve your drawing skills. You practise anatomy, dynamic poses, one or two or more characters interacting with each other, which is a hard thing to do. Faces, hands, backs, boobs, butts, dicks... you get to draw stuff you don’t usually draw and improve. It’s fun! And you get to draw your favs, including that freckled hottie we want to tap so much :D

In conclusion, hell yeah nsfw!

#ask #majestickittay #THAT IS SOME GOOD TEA MY FRIENDS

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miraniel · 7 years ago

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l85 questions tag game

Tagged by @peppermintfeminist. Hi mate! You’re the best!

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Alcoholic? You’re kidding right? I recently tried a milliliter of Somerset Apple Brandy and NOPE, never again. Non-alcoholic? Water with lemon.

2. Phone call: My parents, just before I left for England, where I am now (not over the excitement yet)

3. Text message: “Yes” in response to my grandmother, who asked if I got her text.

4. Song you listened to: Reflection from Mulan

5. Time you cried: Two days ago, in the middle of a back country road in Somerset, over a goddamn Severus Snape fanfic. I’m still mad that the writer actually managed to make me care about fucking Snape.

— Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: No. Have I dated someone once? Yes, but only by accident.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No.

8. Been cheated on: Look I’m ace as fuck and have never dated really ever.

9. Lost someone special: Yes, I’ve lost friends in multiple senses.

10. Been depressed: I don’t think so.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Any alcohol has this taste for me that the best I’ve been able to describe it is “rancid nickles,” it’s bloody awful, and I’ve never been able to stomach more than a sip of the stuff, so no.

— Fave colours

12. Olive green.

13. Purple.

14. Deep cerulean.

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Not really. I made a couple of cordial acquaintences in the drama productions I’ve been in, but no one close.

16. Fallen out of love: No, see above about being ace as fuck. Now, my brief obsession with the show Sherlock...

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes. So many times.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes, in both good ways and bad ways.

19. Met someone who changed you: So many people. Just one who springs to mind is my Education professor at college. She was amazing.

20. Found out who your friends are: I am fully aware that I am a terrible long-distance friend. It’s my worst flaw and I wish I was better about this. I think I’ve betrayed more friendships by just letting them slip away than I ever have had people turn on, or abandon, me.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: Unless we’re referring to familial pecks on cheeks... no.

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Nearly all of them, apart from one random guy that my cousins met online and who has since befriended the entire family.

23. Do you have any pets: I no longer live at home, but my family still has one of the two cats we had when I was growing up.

24. Do you want to change your name: I think about it sometimes. I think about it a lot. I’ve just started using a new name with an eye to it becoming my official pen name. I don’t know if I want to start using it as my everyday name.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Oh, crap... I can’t remember. I think my mom was there, and my grandparents. We had cake and a tiny family party. I think. All I remember is I was glad I didn’t have a play rehearsal that day.

26. What time did you wake up today: 6:50 am

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, for once in my life.

28. What is something you can’t wait for: Finally achieving my lifelong goal: being employed, being published, and being financially stable enough that I can afford a little house, with a dishwasher and laundry, and a cat, and food, and health insurance, and Netflix. It seems... a long way off. Also the next episode of Supergirl?

29. This question is mysteriously missing, so I will pose a question to the universe/the people I’m going to tag: What was the first piece of media (film, book, world, comic, game, character, etc) that you were ever obsessed with?

30. What are you listening to right now: Silence.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Several Tims, but no Toms. Excluding possibly some random middle aged guys back when I was growing up because who remembers that sort of thing

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: People assuming I’m in my early teens and asking me things like how high school is going. Then I’m like, “Nope, I’m like ten years older than that, graduated college a while ago now,” and they’re like “Oh, you look so young,” and I’m like “I know!!” and then (and this is the bit that’s driving me crazy) they all say “You’ll be so grateful when you’re my age!” Like... I just kind of called you out for patronizing me? And your immediate response is to patronize me again? Also there’s no guarantee that I’ll still look ten years younger than I actually am when I’m 50? Also, I may be grateful or not when I’m your age but it sure isn’t doing me any favors now? Please stop. Just stop.

33. Most visited website: I may or may not be slightly obsessed with Nonasuch’s fantastic Dogfather Harry Potter AU and I might check their tumblr once or twice a day.

34. Hair colour: Somewhere between dirty blond and light brown now. It was blond when I was a kid.

35. Long or short hair: Okay, so I really want to be able to braid my hair elaborately again, but I also love the feel of short hair on the back of my neck. Right now it’s in an inbetween stage and I can have neither of these things. What is a person to do.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: I had things I called crushes when I was in high school and hadn’t figured out I’m ace as fuck. I get hardcore friend crushes.

37. What do you like about yourself: I’m proud of my talents, though I play them down more than I should, and I neglect to practice them more than I should. I like how far I’ve come figuring out my identity and who I am these past six years or so.

38. Want any piercings: Under no circumstances am I voluntarily going to sit still and let someone poke a needle through me or into me for anything other than a medical necessity. This applies to tattoos as well. I respect people who have them, but hell no for me.

39. Blood type: SOMEONE knows because I’ve had a blood transfusion, I think, but I don’t have a clue.

40. Nicknames: I have wanted a nickname my entire life and nothing has ever stuck.

41. Relationship status: Single asexual inactively seeks person willing to share habitation, bookshelves, Netflix, pet, and nerdy conversation for the rest of their life.

42. Sign: I don’t do the zodiac thing at all, but I’m an INTJ and a Hufflepuff.

43. Pronouns: Um, this is a weird place and time to do this, but since you asked, I’ve just changed them to “they/them.”

44. Fave tv show: Ever? Avatar the Last Airbender. Right now? Supergirl, The Flash, Miraculous Ladybug

45. Tattoos: See above regarding NEEDLES

46. Fave city: Albuquerque. Fight me.

47: Ever had surgery: When I was a kid I had The Case of Pneumonia From Hell and Fun Times in Hospitals and got chest tubes and part of my lung removed. Also a few minor random stuff.

48. Piercings: See above regarding needles. The needle phobia is directly related to the Fun Times in Hospitals.

49. Sport: Literally none. I’ll watch gymnastics and skating every four years, but apart from that the highlight of my interest in sports was that time that JKR was live-writing the Quidditch World Cup on Pottermore.

50. Vacation: I’m in Oxford right now, somewhere I’ve always dreamed of being! And I’m on my way to Scotland and Wales.

— More general

52. Eating: Sushi, macaroni and cheese, fruit, chocolate, scones

53. Drinking: tea, tea, tea, milk, orange juice, non-alcoholic lemonade or apple cider, water, tea, tea, tea

54. I’m about to watch: Brooklyn 99 (The UK has it on netflix!!)

55. Waiting for: My betas to come back to me on my novel draft. Then it’s agent shopping!

56. Want: A cat, the ability to focus, the ability to read properly without stupid eye problems, a job, writing time

57. Get married: ... growing up I fantasized about getting married because I wanted my paternal cousins to meet my maternal cousins and I couldn’t think of any way that would likely happen apart from my marriage and I think they would get on like a house on fire.. this still seems like one of the only motivating factors for me ever to get married.

58. Career: Author and poet and crazy cat lady

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: Neither. I don’t actually like making eye contact even though I’ve learned to do it, and why would I stare at people’s mouths?

61. Shorter or taller: For a dance partner? Taller, but not significantly so.

62. Older or younger: If this is meant to be about romantic partners? Because why would anyone ask this question? Significant age gaps are generally not a good thing either way, except possibly between two consenting adults who understand and work to alleviate the uneven power dynamic a significant age gap typically creates?

63. Nice arms or stomach: The heck?

64. Hookup or relationships: Relationships.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant and trying to overcome it

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: NOPE

67. Drank hard liquor: See above regarding the horrors created by my taste buds and any alcohol.

68. Turned someone down: Yes. It was awwwkward, but he was a friend. Normally, when I suspect someone likes me, I run away and never speak to them again. Trying to get over that.

69. Sex on first date: Uh nnnoooo

70: Broken someone’s heart: I hope not

71. Had your heart broken: By friendships, yeah.

72. Been arrested: Nope

73. Cried when someone died: Not really.

74. Fallen for a friend: A couple times, but in like, a really aggressively platonic way

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: Yes.

76. Miracles: Yes.

77. Love at first sight: Yes, because it basically happened to my parents. Theirs is a story of being bookstore managers, an immediate attraction, a mutual failure to understand origami, and a shared love of Star Trek. It would make a perfect rom com but there was literally no drama. My parents are adorable.

78. Santa Claus: I have always had the ability to choose what I believe in. Santa Claus was one of those things, long after I knew the truth.

79. Angels: Not really of the stereotypical “feathery wings and flawless skin” type. In the possibility or even likelihood of benevolent forces or beings outside human comprehension that are not a divine creator but may be from or of the divine, yes. This likely has a lot to do with how many times I read Narnia, The Dark is Rising, and A Wrinkle in Time as a kid, now I think about it.

— Misc

80. Eye colour: Green

81. Best friend’s name: I have a few. One starts with a C.

82. Favourite movie: The Fellowship of the Ring. Or 101 Dalmations.

83. Favourite actor: Maggie Smith

84. Favourite cartoon: Avatar the Last Airbender. I didn’t discover it until I was about 18, but I love it to death.

85. Religion: Ex-roman catholic Episcopalian

Tagging @nerdiekatie, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @dragon-feathers, and @fantasiavii

#ask me things #replies #tag games #y'all don't have to do it if you don't want to #anyone who wants to do it pretend I tagged you

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scarlettaagni · 7 years ago

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DSoE: Muzzle of Nemesis art review???

I don’t know, I felt the sudden urge to talk about why the art felt very... degraded recently (surprisingly, looking back, Judgement of Corruption seems mostly exempt from this)

On Discord, me and some others were discussing how bland the MoN art felt, mainly because of the lack of contrast and the tons of empty space (which will be a reoccurring theme)

but I came back around a few hours later when I realized another thing, and I’ll basically paste my messages verbatim thus:

and huh, I think I realized another reason MoN book illustrations seem so stagnant: Nemesis is in all of them. there's only like... one picture without her. not a lot of variation with character appearances

For reference, there are seven illustrations, barring concept art and the cover. All but one has Nemesis in them, and the ones she is in is the main focus.

Now, this may sound ridiculous, uh DUH, Muzzle of Nemesis??? Of course she’s in it! It’s about her!

Well, yes, duh, but still. None of the other novels have the “main character” in them this much. It’s much more noticeable with how few pictures there are in the MoN novel. Let’s compare.

(Lust novel omitted due to not being illustrated by Ichika)

(Eve does not count as Margarita)

and how does Nemesis compare? well...

...wow.

yeah there's other people but Nemesis is still there, probably taking up most of the shot... add that with barely any backgrounds and lacking-contrast BW shading, it looks very boring

An important thing to remember is how while there may be main characters, they are not the ONLY character. Yes, we want to know and see more of this character, but that inevitably involves other characters, new and old. And, yes, there are other characters here. But Nemesis is the focus in most if not all the pictures she appears in.

Now, onto the individual illustrations.

Bruno is likely kneeling on the ground, and there's shading a little bit but it still seems empty.

there's a ton of empty space to his left, so there should be a sliver of Nemesis standing there.

and there's empty space to her right at the top, so why not have her soldiers lining the walls? the sheer lack of contrast in this whole image makes me sleepy...

and it's not a bad scan, because this is the online version.

another thing: why not have some blood and his busted gun on the ground beside him?

One thing my friends mentioned was the weird shading of Bruno. His skin seems weirdly light, as does his hair, and everything on his side of the page is weirdly flat. I think this might just be an accidental matching of shades, as his hair has lightened from age, he’s wearing brown camo, and the floor surrounding him is darkened, which all end up matching his skin.

Bruno is on the cover, and his skin tones seems the same, with slightly lighter hair.

Side note: the prevalence of split screen is unusually high in this novel. Not exactly a complaint, but overusing a technique can get dull. It is a bit irritating to the eye for characters to never be on the same “screen” so to say. In other words, characters are rarely on the same plane with one another on a single page.

Now it’s important to say that Ichika is most likely overworked, resulting in mistakes or a lack of quality. She deserves a nap and some tea for her hard work. But this doesn’t mean the work is exempt from criticism.

and this, we know what's going on, but we aren't seeing it

and I'd suggest the ship and Ziz-san being visible but then she'd have her back to them...

[for this picture] I'd suggest a redraw: her back to the screen, facing Ziz-san wrangling the ship

since it's broad daylight, I can excuse the lack of contrast, because the shading DOES look like it's broad daylight

And another note, we weirdly never see the sun in these illustrations? Granted, it looks like a bright cloudy day judging by the values in the sky above her, but it’s still a little weird to realize this.

Now, I’ve already criticized this picture before, but let’s revisit it.

not enough contrast

it looks like broad daylight, but this is a wintry night, and the blinding white blankness behind her doesn't help

also, just like Bruno, Nyoze's hair is weirdly gray??? so is his jacket? his hair is lighter than his jacket???

For the record, Nyoze has black hair and a dark gray coat. Somehow it’s switched and yet it’s still washed-out looking.

and a technical issue, Nemesis' face isn't very... convincing? I already pointed out how her TLR appearance was more dynamic, even with all the color taken out

her eye shading was warped, you could practically see tears that actually weren't drawn there

also her pose is different...

TLR says to me, girl unsurely holding revolver, MoN is just her holding it firmly forward

if she looked nervous, like she was attempting to be serious and repress her feelings, that's one thing I could appreciate as a deviation from the original

but it's supposed to be TLR again, and fails

A friend mentions that MoN Nemesis seems like she wants to shoot Nyoze, like she’s more angry than sad, but I can’t quite see it.

her face is just void of wrinkles, very smooth. they're much more visible in TLR

I think the theme of emptiness/isolation is important in this scene, but empty scenes just make me all... bleh

there should be something in the background... even if it's just silhouettes, or snow

there's nothing behind TLR Nemesis, except snow. it still feels right, it looks right

also the positioning is wrong? or it feels weird

so this is MoN

when this might be a better choice?

and I think that's how it was in TLR

a vertical scene, with both characters on the same plane, one on the left and the other on the right, would be a nice change of pace

since the images are vertical, it could be split, the top being the extended scene, bottom being their faces

and it'd be a good parallel to MoN PV Nemesis confronting Gallerian

the parallel already exists by the lyrics, "good bye my lover"/"good bye my loved one, good bye my hated one", so a visual one would be extremely satisfying

also nemesis looks... weirdly tall. her head in the accompanying panel blocks this but she looks way taller than she should, especially being far away from us and up against Nyoze (we all know how tall he is)

At this point, a friend mentions the gun looks weird.

I was thinking the same thing

she's pointing it up at Nyoze, we can see this... but next scene, it's pointed further down at us, yet the top looks like it's still pointing up

Now, next image is a scan. The previous ones were digital version of the images. All the remaining images are scans.

again, tons of empty space. we could have had other important characters there, or heck, even just stock bg characters

some random spy is behind Ney here:

she fills the space there well.

and a friend mentions how more expressive and filled out the image looks.

also Nemesis' shoulders look weird

like weirdly squared

like she's stiff, but her face looks, maybe relaxed isn't the word but she definitely isn't stiffened with anything... not fear or anxiety,

if it was the clothing, I'd understand but if that's her coat, and not like, Nyoze's or something, why's it to non-conformed to her? there's also nothing on the table, not even papers

Someone mentions both look stiff. However, I can understand Gammon’s stiffness as he’s the professional here... even if he’s a droopy emo beanpole.

also, tons of empty space to Nemesis' left despite the small size of the panel

no background details, no brick patterns or anything

there really should be stuff like folders on the table [if she’s being interrogated]

the room is on fire and this image is still flat as hell

since we've already seen Nemesis against Gallerian from a profile angle (MoN PV), why not have that TLR pose from the previous MoN illustration instead? maybe not, but this picture is very crowded

it's so claustrophobic, because we have both panels like struggling to be seen and yet they cut off each other a lot.

it's extremely awkward as well. we barely see her arm and that muzzle looks like it's out of nowhere. we can fill in the rest but it's still awkward

Gallerian being calm isn't a huge leap, but i feel as though we lost an opportunity to see a very expressive face, like he makes in the MoN PV

Here, someone mentions Nemesis doesn’t look too angry.

exactly. with her, we definitely lost out on an interesting and dynamic expression

wasn't she pissed, or say, shocked, upon seeing his reaction?

we see SOME interesting faces in the PVs drawn by ichika, but in the novels, everything is so smooth, everything is wrinkle free, except for the essentials, like eyelid folds, or maybe and I might be exaggerating here, undereye bags

and I get it, it's hard to make wrinkles uncanny, but Ichika, you can do it

now, Lilith/Postman. the only image without Nemesis.

now, I'd complain about the empty space but, I appreciate the feeling here. it feels silent. [it feels... poignant.]

but something I will note, however, is how she's weirdly off to the side and not centered? her pose is a little off-kilter too?

I think the hat could afford to have more wrinkles from being hugged, too

otherwise, ichika, I love her, I want her to be happy, and I want to see her grow up healthy

I get it's literally a post-Armageddon wasteland... but s... so much empty space.... why can't we have all three of them next to each other to fill some of it in?

can't we have dark clouds doing something visually interesting in the sky? why not have scrap on the ground? some ruins?

and Gumillia is so far back I can't really see her outfit..... let me see her outfit u coward @ ichika

though the shading in this one picture does seem much more dynamic than the others, which is good

wind appears to be blowing, but Allen doesn't seem affected...

i wanna see his cute lil ponytail

also what is he doing with his hand? couldn't he be holding an important thing?

take that wind thing back a bit, his coat does seem to be affected

his hair, still not really

so that’s a weird note to end the review on. I won’t cover the, well, cover or the concepts.

Ichika probably won’t see this but I think it’d be a nice lesson about negative space, panel arrangement, and contrast and shading.

Ichika, if you do see this, just know we (and I especially) love you, and hope you’re resting well. Try wrist exercises so you don’t hurt yourself working so hard.

tbh same goes for anyone else who made it this far

#nerd stuff #review #??#ec #evillious chronicles #muzzle of nemesis #deadly sins of evil: muzzle of nemesis

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