#also mid writing a fic about this that will take me months to finish

[sleepynoveray]

15 dazai with tics has my heart!!!

[comfortlesshurt]

OKAY, IT'S FINALLY HITTING

(will you guys hate me if I post this longfic a month later than planned?)

[whoslaurapalmer]

returning to the computer plot wall bc i figured out (well like 90% of the way) what i needed to of the pre-fic plot that i put on the physical wall and now it's just mapping out the fic beats in relation to the maltese falcon beats which i don't need the wall for (that is what i need a chart for) but........i miss you physical wall :(

[chaosjunkieman]

Save Me (Five Hargreaves x Reader)

Based on the end of Season 4. LILA AND FIVE NOT CANON.

Warnings: A N G S T. Not proof read, not time line proofed etc. roll with it :D

A/N: uhm yes hi hello? is this thing on? first time writing fan fic for the umbrella academy woooo!!!!! please please please for the love of GOD let me know if this good, bad, ugly or just straight mid. k thanksssss <3

Word Count: 3.4k

Summary: She's the missing puzzle piece after all.

“Five what you doing?” She asked sternly.

Lila had dragged her family and her children into the runaway train that Five got lost in. Seeing this pristine train was an unsettling sight. They could hear the Durangos roar in the distance. Time was of an essence.

“You’re going with them.” Five spats.

A look of disbelief washes over her eyes. Looking towards the man she’s loved all these years with tears threatening to spill from the corner of his eyes. She wanted to pull him close. Comfort him despite this big manly persona he led everyone to believe.

“No.” She states. Crossing her arms in protest.

Above them the chime of the train departure interrupts their conversation.

“Five, no-“ She’s about to reach out to him when he shoves her roughly. She stumbles into the train car and into Claire.

“No! No!” She screams as the doors begin to close in front of her. Fighting against Claire and Lila’s father, she breaks freak from their grip.

She starts to pound on the glass. Tears streaming down her face as Five lets loose the ones he was holding in. The train starts to move. She’s screaming at the top her lungs now. How could he. How dare he go on this journey alone?

The train starts to speed up. Throwing her off her feet. She lands on the floor and curls into fetal position. Their memories running through her head a mile a minute. Her heart shattered. No more shared moments between the two of them, no more laughter, and love. How could she live in a world were he was a distant memory?

~~~~~~~~

She’s pulled to her feet by Ronnie. A cherished family friend of hers when the train comes to a halt. She looks around confused at how she got to where she was. Being with Ronnie and Anita’s family, and Claire. Claire was sniffling, holding on to a ripped and crumpled note that read, ‘take care of my daughter.’ Something in her gut told her that Claire was her responsibility now.

That was months ago.

Instead of splitting off into separate lives, Claire made the argument that they had to live close to Ronnie and Anita. Claiming that some weird intuition told her to do so. So, that’s what they did. She bought a condo not far from the home that the Pitts purchased. The condo felt familiar in some odd way. Like déjà vu. This overwhelming sense of love and admiration flooded her senses when they first toured it. She didn’t even need a day to think on. She put an offer in that same hour, and within that same hour it was accepted.

Claire stayed with her, finishing high school and moving off to college. Their goodbye was tearful and heart felt. Claire promised to visit her during holidays so that way she wasn’t lonely. Despite having their friends to visit each year.

During the summer she found a job within the local city library as a librarian. She found peace and solace in the quietness. The smell of books seemed to fill this whole in her heart. She also started therapy during this time. She had these magical dreams about this man. But he really wasn’t a man. He was a man stuck in a young adult body who had magical powers. Him, and siblings all had magical powers. She dreamt of the world ending. The apocalypse beginning. Being stuck in 1963 in Dallas. But, that boy was always by her side.  

These dreams felt so real some days. That when she awoke she could’ve sworn that the man she was dreaming of was in her room. Only to fade away with the morning sun. Shortly after the dreams began, she started to receive bouquets of flowers each week. The card only ever reading -MH. She had no idea who, or what that meant. The only possible explanation for the H was Hargreaves. But that couldn’t be possible. Hargreaves was the last name of the man she dreamt of. And he wasn’t real..right?

One particular week, she was gifted these beautiful marigolds, nothing else. She had trouble bringing home the bouquet because of how large this particular one was. She fished around the bottom cabinets of her kitchen to find a vase big enough for them. She filled it up with water and placed them in. Something told her that they needed to be in the bedroom with her. She smiled as she placed them on the other side table. They seemed to glow within the room itself.

That night, was the worst of the nightmares she had. She watched helplessly as the man she seemed to have love and his siblings die. But she wasn’t there fully. Like she was a ghost watching a show. Until the Cleanse seemed to reach up at her. Just as her foot was sucked in, she shot up in bed. Breathing heavy she rose out of bed and went to open the bedroom window to let in the crisp air. Sitting on the bench that adorned the window, something from the shadows down below caught her eye. There was absolutely no way what she was seeing was real. The man she dreamt about was below her in the alley way, looking up to her. He smiled brightly before turning and disappearing into the darkness.

Jumping from the bench she ran to her front door. Grabbing the oversized black coat she wore and slipped on her shoes. She rushed down the stairs in hopes to catch him. Her heart racing with each step. Finally busting out of the back door that lead into the alleyway, she sees what she believes is to be his shadow further down.

“Hey!” she yells towards him. The man briefly looks over his shoulder before making a left. Disappearing into darkness again. She takes a deep breath. This is crazy right? Going after a shadow in the dark? But her gut screamed at her to follow. She had to follow.

Sprinting down the corridor she makes the same left turn he did. She sees his shadow illuminated behind the street lamp that was across the street.

“Hey!” She screeches again as she comes up to the sidewalk.

The man still not saying anything turns, and starts to head down a flight of stairs she didn’t even know was there. Gulping, she makes sure to look both ways before sprinting across the avenue. She stands at the top of the stair case. The man’s back disappearing under the overhang. Debating on whether to follow, she decided to. She had come too far without knowing who the hell he was.

She entered into a train station. Too clean of a train station to be atypical city train station. But, the noise of music and rattling dishes pulled her from her thoughts. Around a corner, bright lights illuminated onto the train station tile to which she followed.

As she turned the corner, a bright neon orange sign read MAX’S DELICATESSEN. It was a diner in the middle of a underground train station. Totally not odd. She opens the door to the diner and steps in. Almost immediately regretting it as multiple heads turn her way. Her breath caught in her throat. They were all him. The man she dreamt about. Scared, she was about to step back when one of them from the middle booth rose in his seat.

“Please! Don’t go,” he shouted. Looking flustered as the others of him in the room snickered at his attempt.

“That’s not how you treat this particular guest Five,” The one behind the kitchen counter spat.

He came out from around the counter. Wiping his hands over the waist apron he wore. She looked at him curiously. After padding down his hands, he stood to attention with a smile.

“Miss, Y/N, your table awaits, follow me please.” He said with a wink. A small giggle arose from her chest. Which caught her by surprise.

“And here you are, coffee, black I’m assuming miss?” The man in the apron asks as she settles into the booth seat where the other man was.

“Yes, how did you know?” She asks. Looking between the two men.

“We know everything about you Y/N,” he said with smile before turning on his heel back towards the counter.

The other man who sat in the seat across from her seemed nervous. He was fiddling away with his thumbs. They sat in silence until the man in the apron brought her fresh cup of coffee.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

She brought the hot cup of coffee to her lips. Taking a brief sip. Her face contorted at the bitterness of the coffee.

“Apologizes, the coffee is shit.” The man in the apron said with a grin before he made his way back over to the counter again.

Groaning, she set down the cup and pushed it aside. With the empty table space in front of her, she clasped her hands together and rested her chin on top of them. Starring towards the man in the booth who had picked up the newspaper he was reading. Clearing her throat, he peaked from over the pages. With her eyes, she signaled to him to set it down. His eyes darted between her and the paper before sighing loudly. Setting the paper aside.

“So-“ The man across from her coughed as he took a sip of his own cup of coffee. His face mirroring that same expression she did before.

“So, who are you?” She asks. Eyes narrowing. She watched closely as the man gulped and tugged at his tie.

“Five-“ he responded.

“Five?” She repeated.

“Five Hargreaves.” The man stated before her.

“You’ve been in my dreams.” She sighed, lowering her hands to the table. Shifting to allow her back to rest against the backboard of the booth.

“I know.” He stated through gritted teeth. It seemed like whoever he was, was having a hard time being there too.

“Why?” She asks with a stale flick of her tongue. She was growing impatient at this point.

“I’m your husband.” Five responded. His expression briefly softening before turning stark cold again.

“I-I’m sorry, what?” She chokes on her words.

“From another timeline.” He continues.

“Oh spit it out mate!” Another Five from behind the counter pipes up. They all seemed frustrated with the one in front of her.

“I’m your husband, I’mean- we’re all  your husbands. From different timelines. Different points of existence. Each of us loosing you in some way.” The Five in front of her continues. He brushes the bangs from his face and starts to shimmy off the black over coat he adorned. Too similar to the one she was wearing. She notices a cut on his upper left eyebrow. Taking a alcohol pad she had in one the pockets, she opens it to presumably clean the wound. He coughs, making her look at him, and back down to the pad. Confused on how natural it all felt.  

“What do you mean by lost?” She asks.

“You died in my arms on the night we got married.” A Five from one of the corner booths huffs out. Twirling the ring that sat on his ring finger.

“I lost you to a fire,” One of them whispers from behind the counter. The other Fives pat him gently on the back.

“And you?” She asks, turning to the Five in front of her.

“I sent you away.” He bluntly responds.

“This train station that you’re in?” He motions to outside of the diner.

“I pushed you into it with Anita and Ronnie and Claire. To save you from The Cleanse.” His voice drifted off at the last bit.

“The Cleanse?” She asks curiously.

“To much to explain darlin’” A Five from behind her says in a deep southern tone.

“So why am I here?” She questions. Her heart felt whole just seeing the other man in front of her but unsure why.

“I need to get you back to the correct timeline. He’s there, right now, dying with him family. Those are the dreams you’ve been seeing. But I gave him the wrong advice. He didn’t need to die. They didn’t need to die. Youre the final key to stop the cleanse.” Five reaches out from around the table and his fingers graze across her neck. She melts at the touch of his skin on hers, but he pulls forward the chain to her necklace.

It was a Umbrella necklace.

“This necklace,” Five saves slightly tapping the main parts of the umbrella folds that begin to shimmer.

“Has an elixir. It was there in front of me all along.” He sighs.

“But I don’t have any memories of him, of you-“ She starts, and Five puts up his hand to stop her mid-sentence.

“Follow me,” he replies, climbing out the booth and holding out his hands to hers.  

She grabs ahold and he pulls her from the booth. Dragging her outside the diner, she can hear the other Five’s say their goodbyes.

Five pulls her towards the train that was mysteriously there now. The doors opening once they were toe-to-toe with the platform.

“I’m not-“ She stutters, looking panickily between the train, Five, and the entrance to the train station. Thinking about Claire.

“He needs you, now more than ever.” Five whispers. He cups her face between his hands. Turning her towards him.

“What are you doin-“ She asks when Five places his lips against her forehead.

Simultaneously, a blue orb of light starts to engulf the two. And a massive headache came along with it.

“Ah-“ She grunts, pulling away from the man before her clutching her head and tumbling into the train.

“Wait, no!” She screams, still clutching her head.

The train speeds up and almost tosses her to her feet. However, the same blue light from mere moments before shots out around her. Unbeknownst to her, her eyes glow as well. A light blue shade, similar to Five’s.

As the train comes to a stop. She regains consciousness. The memories of her life before returning. The love she felt for the man she spoke with flooding her blood stream. Above, she could hear crashing and the sounds of civilians screaming.

“Cmon’” She whispers, jumping and shaking out her hands.

In a full on sprint, she darts out of the train. Just has her feet reach the tiled platform she blips.

Landing roughly on a set of stairs. Groaning from the fact that she just time traveled technically, she can hear the shouts of others in front of her. Her blurred vision coming clear. She gasps at the sight.

They all were being engulfed in the Durango.

“Y/N? What the HELL are you doing here? HOW?” Five shouts. She can see him struggling against the Durango.

“It’s the necklace!” She responds as the Durango screeches overhead.

“It has an elixir that Reginald hid. Bitter old man!” She curses to the skies.

“An elixir? What are you talking about?” Five screams from his spot.

The look of fear and pain was washed over his features and she wanted nothing more than comfort him. But she had a bigger job to do.

Whistling, she grabs the attention of the Durango.

“Y/N NO!” Five cries out.

“I love you!” She screams as she turns on her heels. A full sprint down the corridor and out the front door.

Her heart hurts at the sight of destruction. But the roar of the Durango pulls her from her thoughts and she continues her sprint down the street. Hoping to save them in time. She didn’t care if she died here. Just knowing that her husband and his family was safe from the horrible childhood they had to endure that they didn’t ask for.

After almost a block away, she stops. Cooing at the Durango to come just a little closer. But, one of the tentacles from the Durango captures her at her feet. Struggling against it, she takes a deep breath. Allowing the puss to climb up her legs. Just as it reaches her waist, she yanks the chain from her neck. The Durango was fulling on top of her at this point.

“Come get it asshole!” She screams. Tossing the necklace towards the mouth of the Durango.

The Durango catches it as the puss reaches above her chest. In the distance behind the Durango she can see all of them sprinting towards her. Five ahead of them. Unable to make out what he was saying, she smile brightly at him as the puss was beginning to swallow her neck. Just as she’s about to see her lover one final time, the Durango glows blue. Screeching at the top of its lungs, it explodes. The puss around her shattering and the force of it shoots her backwards. She’s launched into a street light pole, and the world around her goes black.

~~~~~~~~

She groans as her eyes flutter and try to adjust to the ungodly bright light. Coughing, she tries to move her head around but is met with sharp pains shooting up and down her neck. Softly moving her head to the side, she can see Five in a chair, fast asleep but holding on tightly to her hand. Mustering up all the energy that she could, she squeezes his hand. His eyes fluttering open at the sensation. His hair was longer now, but his features were just as handsome as the day they met.

“Y/N,” Five whispers. Gently caressing the hand he held.

“Where am I?” She asks through a bitter cough.

“You’re in a hospital. We made it.” He laughs quietly.

She grins at his response. The sense of relief washes over her shoulders, lifting some of the pain along with it.

“How did you know?” Five asks from beside her. He had scooted the chair he was in closer to her hospital bed and started to caress her bruised cheek.

“You told me-“ She hoarsely replies.

Five’s gaze softens into confusion when there’s a knock on the door.

“Can we come in?” Luther asks from the door way.

She smiles softly and nods. The rest of the siblings begin to pile into the small room that she was being treated in.

“How long has it been?” She croaks.

“It’s been a year, you were in a coma.” Klaus replies. Sitting next to Five in one of the chairs.

“How did you know I was awake?” She asks.

“Silly goose, I always know.”  Klaus jokes with a smile and swat of his hand.

The siblings catch her up on everything that happened while she was out. Expplaining that their powers are gone for good now. That Lila, and Diegos family was back, and Allison had Claire again. None of them remembering their lives in the other timeline.

Five sat quietly beside her, caressing her hand the whole time. At some point in the night, the doctors ushered everyone out besides Five so they could run some tests. Determining that she was able to go home at the end of the week. Time didn’t matter for her at this point.

After everyone had left, they two of them remain in the same position in silence. She could hear her heart beating in her chest. That same sense of overwhelming love that poured from such a small man engulfed her. She couldn’t believe that she had such a devoting husband after all this time.

“You stayed,” she comments with a small smile forming on her lips.

Five was puzzled as he was pulled out his thoughts, and she repeated her statement again.

“You mean everything to me, after that suicide mission-“ Five pauses and lets out a cold laugh.

“I love you-“ She interrupts him as he goes to continue his sentence. Not wanting to hear any bashed talk from the man.

“I love you.” He responds with a half crooked smile.

Patting beside her, she motions for him to join her on the hospital bed. About to protest, she stops him. Sternly pointing to the spot beside her. With a groan, he climbs onto the bed. As he settles into his spot, she lifts her head to place it on his chest. Her hand resting over his heart. Feeling it beat beneath her made her sigh. Knowing for sure they were alive lifted a weight from her shoulders. She smiled as Five places a sweet kiss on the top of her head. Pulling her impossibly closer then she already was.

Appreciative of the fact that they got to keep each other after all.

[laura1633]

Back home now after an amazing weekend at Spa. I’ve been lucky enough to go to races before but never had the chance to walk down the pit lane or have a tour of the paddock so it was a really special experience and one I am so thankful that I got to experience.

Also somehow found myself wandering around the F2/F3 paddock and garages which I assume was because I had some sort of inner track seating! I’m not actually sure, I thought I had wandered somewhere I shouldn’t to start with.

I have known for a few months that Max was very likely to take an engine penalty so I was super worried about him starting mid pack and being taken out the race and his championship lead being reduced considerably so the fact he managed to not only get up to P4 but also finished ahead of Lando was amazing! So proud of him and also happy to witness how amazing he was in qualifying

Charles and Oscar also both had great weekends which was perfect.

Now on to the summer break and time for me to write some fics because I’ve not written for a week or so and I’m feeling the need to write again.

[bluecatwriter]

Director’s cut ask game: ⭐️⭐️ (aka whatever story you want to talk about!)

Thanks so much for the ask! I scrolled through my fics and chose one of my ensemble pieces, "Waiting,": "It's mid-October, and as the group stays in Varna listening for news of Dracula's whereabouts, Jonathan observes the way that each person deals with the growing suspense of waiting." (Spoilers ahead...)

-I think I started drafting this fic after I'd finished my first run of Dracula Daily back in 2022, but it sat half-finished for several months before I finally started working on it again. As is evident from the huge number of my fics that take place during the week in Varna, I'm a bit obsessed with that part of the book: the waiting feels unbearable, and of course my mind starts spinning stories of what everyone is doing to pass the time!

-I decided on Jonathan's perspective here, because I thought it would be interesting to view each person's coping strategy through one person's point of view. (I ended up doing this again in a different fic from Arthur's perspective, called "A Week in Varna.")

-The story has five parts, each focused on a different member of the Crew of Light (with Jonathan and Mina sharing the last section). I can't remember the original sequence, but I do remember that I reshuffled it a few times in order to get the narrative to flow.

-In the part about Van Helsing, I tried to show how heavy a toll all the waiting was taking as he tried to stay in control: keeping tabs on Mina's slow transformation, trying to do research, and so on. I loved the image of him praying the rosary over Mina while she slept during the day, too. And he's doing his best to try to make sure Jonathan isn't getting snacked on (but he's not very tactful about it). I tried to show Jonathan's compassion and empathy for him, even as Jonathan is withholding information from him.

-Beloved Arthur! He's the guy in the group who always has a granola bar in his fanny pack, and we love him for it. He is always golden-retriever-coded in my stories, but especially when writing from Jonathan's perspective. I did some minor internet searching to find a candy that someone would be likely to find in Bulgaria in the 1890s, but not sure if I succeeded. (If the violetki is anything like the drop hard licorice I ate in the Netherlands, I probably would not like it! Hopefully Jonathan does, though.)

-Quincey and Jonathan having an unexpected connection was a nice addition to this story, and looking back I can see some seeds for my later fic, "Step Into the Light." I liked the image of them sitting together in companionable silence, each cleaning and preparing their weapon.

-The section with Jack was the most fun to write, because he's being unbearably awkward and annoying to Jonathan right now, which is a dynamic that always makes me laugh for some reason. Though his dialogue is pretty ambiguous in the story, as I was writing it, the vibe I was going for was, "Trying to bring up the subject of 'what if your wife is eating you??' but wisely deciding to settle for some extremely ineffective flirting instead."

-The Jonathan/Mina scene in this one was the hardest to get right, but I'm happy with how it turned out. I wanted to show the ways that Jonathan is both supporting her (agreeing to pray with her every night despite All That going on with him) and putting his foot down (insisting that she drink from him every night). I also wanted to emphasize the different ways that they are dealing with God at this point— Mina through devotion, Jonathan through a dread and angry sense of waiting to see how it ends for him to make up his mind about what's going on. I'm one of those people who headcanons Jonathan as keeping his faith— albeit in a different, more mature form— in the end, but at this point all he knows is that Mina is hurt, and his teeth are bared.

-Speaking of bared teeth, Mina gets to drink all the blood she wants! #girlboss. This scene was pretty erotic but I ended up writing a more explicit version of it from Mina's perspective, which was really interesting, too. 

-I'm a bit too happy with the closing line: "Jonathan kept his promise to the professor— he did not need to tell him about the marks on his thigh, because he knew exactly what had caused them." BOOM. MIC DROP! But seriously, I liked how this tied the ending to the beginning scene, and how it shows Jonathan once again disobeying an old man telling him what to do by being sneaky about it. That's my boy!

Thank you again for asking! :D

(Ask game here)

[grapenehifics]

Making of Monday: Can't Stop the Suns Part 1

(I am thinking SO positively rn that I am calling this part 1, like I will remember to actually write more. YMMV; we'll see how I do.)

I'm hard at work on the concluding chapters of Pick Up the Pieces right now, and working on Pick Up the Pieces means I also need to do a fair bit of rereading An Uncivil War, so it's very much on the forefront of my brain, and also I have yet to participate in a single MoM, so: here's some backstory on An Uncivil War.

Okay I actually need to back up even farther than that, all the way to Solsbury Hill and February 2020. I started Solsbury Hill - it wasn't called that, then; it didn't have a name, just 'weird doc file/outline I'll probably never finish because I don't have a track record of finishing creative writing projects, ever' - and then the very next month I started working from home AND season 7 of Clone Wars premiered.

To get ready for season 7 - and because I was home a lot more during the day, now, and didn't have to commute to work - we decided to do a rewatch of Clone Wars season 1 through 6. And you know how we joke about plot bunnies, and why they're called that? That the hardest idea is your first one and once you have that the ideas just keep multiplying? So, I'm sitting on an outline for what would become Solsbury Hill, and we're watching Clone Wars, and we get to season 5, and the episode with Ahsoka's trial, and I think to myself, huh. That's weird. Why is Obi-Wan acting like that? Why is he not sticking up for our Padawan? If he had, I bet things would have turned out differently. Ahsoka might not have left the Order. Anakin might not have turned to the Dark Side. Clone Wars is full of all these little things that individually might not be enough to push Anakin over the edge, but they start stacking up, collectively...

From there, it was a pretty easy leap to, 'what if Obi-Wan left the Order instead of Ahsoka', and that created this whole domino effect because Anakin would obviously leave with him, right, and Ahsoka was getting kicked out anyway, and now I've got this scenario with three Jedi on the run in the middle of a war.

And that was fascinating to me. Once I started thinking about it I couldn't stop. But I was also getting really into Solsbury Hill, at that point, so this new story needed to take a backseat. I dumped a bunch of notes into a Word doc and went back to my AU.

It turns out, though - and this was the first time I'd learned this about myself - that I liked having both an AU and a canon project going at the same time. Solsbury Hill and An Uncivil War both used such different parts of my brain and required a different skillset and researching vastly different things, and if I got bogged down in one it was nice to be able to switch to the other one and hack away at that one for a while. So I ended up, from early 2020 until August 2022 when I posted the first chapter of Solsbury Hill on AO3, working on both projects nearly simultaneously, although obviously Solsbury Hill (despite being three times longer) got to the finish line first.

For a long time - almost three years - An Uncivil War was just called, An Uncivil War. And it had this expansive outline that I just kept cracking away at, and whenever I came across something cool in another piece of Star Wars media or another show premiered or I read another book I'd think 'Ooh, that's neat! That's going in the fic!' and I'd add it to my to-do list. And at some point I looked at my word count and realized I was pushing 100k and not anywhere close to the end of the story I wanted to tell.

So, I started thinking about sequels, and series. I had (still have) this outline, fortunately, and there was one pretty obvious stopping point at what was then the mid-point of the plot. (I say, 'then' because it has since, of course, expanded. It turns out I'm very bad at guessing word counts.) So I took half my outline, dumped into a brand-new doc, called that one Pick Up the Pieces, and wrote the 'ending' of An Uncivil War, as much as possible, as if it were the ending, just in case I for some reason never got around to writing Pick Up the Pieces.

Because it was important to me that An Uncivil War be able to stand on its own. It's got a beginning, a middle, and an end, and the end calls back to the beginning, and the main threat to the characters is resolved, and they talk about what they're going to do next but even if that was the only story you had, it should still be a satisfying conclusion (or, at least, I hope it is).

But it isn't the entirety of the story I wanted to tell. Because they originally were one big story, I actually had maybe half of Pick Up the Pieces already written by the time I started posting An Uncivil War, so while the first part took me three years to write, the second has technically only taken me a year, but I was definitely not starting from scratch.

I also - and this should shock absolutely no one - was once again wildly off in my word count estimate. Pick Up the Pieces is, right now, already as long as An Uncivil War (120k), and I've still got three chapters left to go...plus a bunch more things in my outline I haven't gotten to yet.

So, in true Star Wars tradition, I'm now plotting a part three! Pick Up the Pieces, like An Uncivil War before it, has a logical ending point, so it will wrap up there, but the plot will move merrily along to the next thing on my to-do list, which is in fact the same to-do list I've had since March 2020. (It's a good thing I love this story so much or I would have quit long ago.) Part Three, at the moment, is tentatively titled Sometimes Fate Steps In, and I'm really, really sorry to have to admit that that's where all the smut is going to be. (I know. It's Solsbury Hill all over again.)

(I do love it, though. I feel like I should...apologize, to my fics, somehow, for having a favorite? I do have a favorite, though. It's this series. I love it so damn much. This is the one thing I write where, if you told me right now that I would never get a single comment or kudos on it, I would still write it anyway, because I just get so much enjoyment out of researching and writing it and re-reading it.)

(Which is not to say you shouldn't comment on it. Please, please do! You will absolutely make my day, week, month, year! But I love it enough to do it anyway.)

[daydreamgoddess14]

Landslide pt. 1

MASTERLIST here

Summary: Jason approaches a singer/songwriter about a request for Ted Lasso Season 3.

Jason Sudeikis/Reader Insert (OFC, no use of y,n/l,n)

Rating: General for now... we'll see how it goes 🤭

Disclaimer: I absolutely own none of these songs, I also don’t want to diminish Sam Ryder’s contribution in creating Fought and Lost. This is all completely fictional. I also know nothing about the music industry so this is drowning in artistic license! 

Playlist Link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1crFZfdqL1fspNXb80u5sK?si=e90f5f8f357b4647

It leans very Swift heavy but also has songs that I feel fit the main character and her style. I've never created a playlist for a fic before but it seemed appropriate given the main character's profession.

Songs used in Chapter 1: 

If I had a gun - Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds (piano cover version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xvoxDXxdok)

Landslide - Fleetwood Mac (piano cover version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5JP43fk_SM)

Chapter 1

“Have you checked your emails yet?” A voice sounded through your apartment.

“Not yet, why - anything good in there?” You ask, your head deep in the fridge searching for eggs.

“Marcus wants to talk to you, he said he’s text you?”

“Yeah, he wanted me to show up at a couple of his Canadian dates but I’ll be in Spain. Or France... Europe, I’ll be somewhere in Europe.” You emerge somewhat triumphant, a two egg omlette will have to surfice.

“You’ll be in South America actually.” Your assistant Lily takes a seat at the counter and slides a coffee over to you.

“Oh. Well, I won’t be in Canada that’s for sure. I already told him I couldn’t do it, I wonder why he’s still asking.” Lily passes your phone over and goes back to attempting to tackle your inbox while you drop a message to Marcus.

Hey, sorry I missed you. Can’t do Canada - I’m in South America that week. Thought we’d talked about it already? Would love to catch up with you & Carey when you’re back in L.A though. Let me know xx

You’d actually met Carey long before Marcus. The same age, you’d crossed paths a lot in your early and mid twenties when she’d been an up-coming actress and you’d been a struggling musician. You’d drowned many, many sorrows together in dingy South London pubs, you’d been in the audience at her first performance of The Seagull in London and you’d followed her to New York to watch her Broadway debut. In contrast, she’d cheered you on in dark clubs and pubs for endless weeks and months. When she’d reconnected with Marcus, he’d tagged along to a couple of gigs and asked you to join the band for a number of their shows. Eventually you were added to the billing on your own, and supported them on a range of tour dates. From there, your career had really taken off. Now, you were regularly selling out arenas and festivals. Next on the masterplan was a worldwide stadium tour, but that was some way off. First you had music to write for a new album and a summer of festival appearances planned.   

“Aha! Figured it out!”

“Did we miss an email?”

“Not entirely, it went to junk so it’s not really your fault. Or mine.”

“What is it?” You ask, pushing the eggs around the pan.

“Hang on, just reading now… It’s from a Tom Howe?” You look blankly in reply, the name sounds vaguely familiar but you’ve no idea where from. “Hi, I’m trying to get in contact with you regarding Ted Lasso season 3. Jason came across some of your older work and the sound is a great fit for the show. He asked if I could reach out to you to discuss further. You also come highly recommended by Marcus Mumford who I believe is a friend we all have in common. Don’t hesitate to give me a call on the number below or reach out via email. We don’t have too long on this so would appreciate speaking with you. Best, Tom” Lily finishes reading the email on her device just as your phone rings.

“Do you just not read your emails, or?”

“I’m a bit behind! It’s been a busy few weeks.” You dump the eggs onto a plate and team them with a toasted muffin.

“Ah yeah, the life of a superstar.”

“You should know, you’ve sold out more gigs than me.”

“Not true… maybe still true but not for much longer.”

“If you say so. How are you? How’s Carey and the kids?”

“All good here, they’re missing you though.”

“I’m back in a few weeks, we’ll have a day out. Lily just read me the email from Tom.” “What do you think?” “I’ve no idea, I need to hear it again. How on earth did you think of me?”

“I didn’t. Well, I did. I play your stuff all the time. We were working on Season 3 and it just so happened that Jason heard some of your really early stuff and liked it. He asked if I thought you’d work with us so I said I’d ask - or rather Tom would.”

“That makes sense. He said something about a tight timescale?”

“Kind of, the show premieres next month but we’re thinking of you for the back half of the season so wouldn’t need anything from you till early May.”

“Do I get an idea of what you need?” “That’s where you’re better off talking to Tom and Jason. I daren’t spill any secrets, I’m not getting in trouble.”

“Ok, I’ll get in touch with Tom and set something up. Is he based in L.A?”

“He’s there at the moment, yeah. Why, are you still in New York?” 

“Yeah, I’m here til the 13th I think? But I might be able to get there early.” You reply, looking to Lily for confirmation who nodded, stealing the last bit of your muffin.

“Ok, definitely call Tom, cos if the timing won’t work then he’ll need to think of something else. Let me know. I’m in L.A at the same time as you so we’ll catch up.”

“Love to Carey and the babes.”

“See ya darlin’.”

“Right, I’d better read that email again properly before I call anyone else.” You sit next to Lily who opens the email back up for you. You can see that Marcus and what appears to be Jason have both been copied in. It had been sent earlier the following week so had been stagnating in your junk folder for about 6 days. “Shit.” You mumble, realising. “What’s the time in L.A?” 

“Umm 8.30am.” Lily checks. “Acceptable enough for a work related call?”

“Fuck it, I’ll leave a message if it’s not.” You read the number from the email and dial it from your phone, taking a deep breath. “Hi, can I speak to Tom please?” Tom was, it turned out, really lovely. You’d grown up not a million miles away from each other in various parts of London and he was a similar age to your older brothers. You instantly felt at ease with his good humour and musical knowledge. He’d explained that they were looking for a specific song to be used towards the very end of the season in a highly emotional moment. Though he and Jason had heard your recent music, it wasn’t until they’d been with Marcus who was listening to your much older back catalogue that the penny had dropped for all of them. In the days that had followed, Marcus had given them a masterclass of sorts, sending them copies of your early work and showing them how it had grown as you had and how your new music still has similar themes and styles. You’d blushed furiously while pacing in your apartment. Marcus hadn’t exactly been telling the truth about just how in depth your music had been discussed in recent days. You admitted that you wouldn’t be in L.A for another two weeks and questioned whether it would be a problem, he thought not and you’d promised to respond to his email. You hung up feeling elated at the prospect of a new project to get stuck into.

From: vialilyevans@gmail.com

To: thowe@gmail.com

CC: mmumford@gmail.com, djs@gmail.com

Subject: New Project

Date: 27th February 2023

Hi Tom, 

It was great to finally speak to you earlier, I apologise for missing your email - thankfully Marcus set me straight. From what you’ve said this project sounds really interesting, I’d love to hear more about it. As discussed, I’ll be in L.A from 13th March but can be there earlier if you have time? I know that’s pretty close to the premiere so I understand if you think we can’t fit this in - there’ll always be something else! On the off chance I am still in luck, I’m going to spend a couple of days binge watching 🙂

To: vialilyevans@gmail.com

From: djs@gmail.com

CC: mmumford@gmail.com, thowe@gmail.com 

Subject: RE: New Project

Date: 27th February 2023

Hey,

Thanks for reaching out, I won’t speak for Tom on how much time we have, but I really want to make this work so happy to hang on for as long as possible. Here’s hoping you can turn a track around in 24hrs, I guess?! It would be great to meet with you as soon as you can make it to L.A, then you could also attend the premiere if that sounds OK? I'll get the details sent over to you. We can meet first and then figure out next steps. Don’t worry about timing, that's on me.

JS

You’d received a reply within minutes. Literally minutes, and you were buzzing. It was from Jason himself. You’d only been half joking about binge watching, you’d done that already with Season 1 but had run out of time recently for Season 2. Now you were even more itching to watch it. Though you had no idea of storyline or what kind of song they were looking for, you could tinker with melodies and riffs. Tom had talked specifically about family, love and fighting for what you believe in so you could use those basic prompts to get you started. Over the following week, you'd worked on some new music and planned to bring your trip to L.A forward by a week. You were going to be there for up to 4 weeks. The information had come through inviting you to the season 3 premiere of Ted Lasso, so you'd made sure to catch up on season 2 just in time. But first came the initial meeting with Jason and Tom. You almost wished you could get away with waiting till the premiere but knew that wasn't realistic and you could totally understand why they'd want to get to know you sooner. L.A afforded you a little more anonymity than New York and with Tom's studio as the meeting place, you had a reasonable cover for being there if you were to get noticed by anyone. You slipped out of your Uber and followed a path through a pretty little courtyard. You'd gone for a denim skirt and Bon Jovi t-shirt, it felt miles warmer in L.A and you'd tricked your body into believing that Spring had fully arrived. You pressed the door buzzer and waited patiently. Lily had offered to go with you but you were still very much unused to having a real life assistant and still attended most meetings, interviews and events alone. 

"Hey, you made it! Come in, I'm Tom. You're alone?"

"Yeah, it's easier to go unnoticed." You smiled stepping into the entryway. 

"I wouldn't know, thankfully no one knows who I am."

"After the few months I've had, I'd wish the same thing." You follow Tom through the building, a handful of offices, a small kitchen and then into a corridor with a recording studio on either side.

"I don't pretend to keep up with gossip so I'll just have to take your word for it." He admits, you're grateful for that. It had been a rough 6 months or so. Your last relationship with a well known actor had ended abruptly - in that you'd escaped. He'd then leaked all over social media and outlets such as Deux Moi that you were 'emotionally unavailable', 'manipulative' and 'high maintenance'. He'd placed horrible, false comments that you'd supposedly made about your fans and friends, and he'd tried to alienate everyone against you. There had been a pile-on of negative press about you. Say nothing the management team had said, do nothing, stay calm and quiet they'd insisted it'll blow over. Bullshit. You'd gotten a little drunk and joined a friend in playing a dumb Tik Tok game where she'd asked what your 'Ick' was… you'd replied "Boyfriends who gaslight you and are emotionally and mentally abusive and then try to blame you in the media to make everyone hate you'' with an arched eyebrow and a knowing look. She'd posted it to Tik Tok and within minutes Twitter was ablaze with your retort. It had completely taken over the press tour for his new movie and overshon his interviews. Other exes of his had posted similar confirmations and praise of you on their socials. You’d then gone totally dark on the subject and not commented any further. Your team were still picking up the pieces from the escapade but you had so far been hailed a bit of a hero and it appeared that people were leaning more on your side now than they had been. It was only a matter of time before he’d produce some other lies though, at which point you fully expected that you’d have to go public and go all in on substantiating your initial comments. The how and the when preyed on your mind heavily. Tom led you into the studio on the right, a huge mixing desk took up much of the space but there were a couple of desks and sofas, space for downtime and collaboration. Beyond the mixing desk you could see into the studio itself with its acoustic panels and sound deadening equipment. Jason sat at the mixing desk, elbows up on the table typing on his phone. He turned and smiled at the sound of the door opening.

"Hey, glad you could make it. I'm Jason." You hold out your hand to shake his, his large hand engulfing yours. Your skin instantly felt like it had been set alight. He was tall, broad and ridiculously handsome. Binge watching the show had given you an almighty crush, so you'd sought out his other work too. Once you'd found out how funny he was, you were done for. Get a fucking hold of yourself you thought. It had not been so long since a man had touched you that you should be this affected by him. But, oh those eyes. And that smile is really something. He takes off his baseball cap and drags his fingers through his dark hair, greying at the temples and if you’d focused for any longer than half a second on that alone you couldn’t be held responsible for your actions. He greets you like he's known you for years and as Tom gets the meeting going, he's charming, attentive and so quick witted it makes your head spin a little. "I'm looking for a song specifically about the relationship between hope and failure and perseverance. That's the basic outline at least - I can't tell you much more than that." He apologises. You whip out your phone, 

"Just taking some notes, that OK? I get it, you don't want some rando knowing the ending." He motions for you to go ahead, smiling as your fingers frantically move across the screen on your notes app. 

"Yeah you might spill the beans on Twitter."

"It was Tik Tok actually."

"Ah how's it go? 'Tik Tok made me do it'?"

"And a lot of wine." You smirk, "Can I ask, how you feel about season 3 generally? For the song, I promise I'm not fawning over you to get information."

"I don't know if it's the end of the end, if that makes sense. It could carry on in different ways." 

"I'm just trying to figure out if it’s a goodbye to the characters, or to this chapter of their lives… from what you've said the song needs to be really personal. I want to make sure the emotion is there. Are you really sure I'm the right person for this?"

"I'm sure. I've heard enough of your music to know that this is what we need, I know you're more than capable. Between what you can do and what Tom already knows I need, I'm completely confident." Tom nods in agreement having stayed silent for much of your conversation. 

"So is this like The Voice? Do you guys have a list of people to see?" Tom laughed, 

"Not at all, we're hoping you're it to be honest. Though since you're here it would be great to hear you sing if you're happy with that?" 

"I didn't bring anything with me, so as long as you don't mind sharing your piano or a guitar?"

"It's all yours." He gestures into the other room and you head through nervously. They both join you, not wanting to listen via speakers. You stop for water first, and then flip through your notebook to find a suitable song, settling on something reasonably new but not so well known. You'd been performing for the best part of 20 years, you knew every note, every line, but performing in front of two people was about a million times more nerve wracking than two hundred people, or even two hundred thousand people which was exactly what you had lined up in the summer at Glastonbury. You closed your eyes, honed in on the piano at first, allowing yourself an extended intro to give you time to compose yourself. 

If I had a gun,

I'd shoot a hole into the sun,

and love would burn this city down for you.

If I had the time,

I'd stop the world and make you mine,

and everyday would stay the same with you

Hope I didn't speak too soon,

my eyes have always followed you around the room.

'Cus you're the only God that I will ever need,

I'm holding on and waiting for the moment

for my heart to be unbroken by the sea

You didn't play the full song but it was one you were extremely proud of. You let the piano trail off and risked a glance at Jason and Tom who were grinning at each other. Jason let out a whistle, 

"Y'know how you always wonder how people are gonna sound when they sing live and it sometimes doesn't live up to expectations?" He said mostly to Tom. You’re stomach dropped, oh god, were you about to fall into that camp?

"Yeah. Yeah that was pretty special." Tom agreed, vocalising Jason's thoughts. You breathed a huge sigh of relief. 

"Thank fuck for that. I haven't done that one for ages. You scared me then!” You said more to Jason.

"It's a beautiful song. I could just use that for the show to be honest, but I'd regret not working with you on something original." Tom said, as he did so, his phone rang so he left to take the call, “Sorry, be right back.”

“Any chance of another song?”

“I don’t see why not, while we’re waiting for Tom.” You flipped back through the notebook again, this time choosing a classic cover you’d done for years and years. It had been one of the first songs you’d learned and the lyrics seemed to change meaning for you in different chapters of your life so that it always fit you.

I took my love, I took it down

I climbed a mountain and I turned around

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

'Til the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky

What is love?

Can the child within my heart rise above?

Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

Can I handle the seasons of my life?

“Holy shit.” He mumbled, sitting on the piano bench next to you. You could see through the glass that Tom was still on the phone. You run your hands over the keys playing mindless notes and melodies, no real intention behind, just filling the comfortable silence. You feel him leaning against you a little as he watches you play, the narrow bench not quite big enough for two.

“I played it with Stevie Nicks once.” You say quietly. “I actually thought I was going to die. It’s like I have this black hole in my memory, where I remember meeting her and then I remember coming off stage and we had a couple of drinks together, but I can’t for the life of me remember actually singing it with her.”

“I think that’s probably to be expected. Our brains do weird shit and make us feel like idiots.”

“That is definitely the truth.”

"I would really like to get to know you a little better while you work on this," Jason admitted almost hesitantly, "if that's OK with you?"

"I'd like that a lot." You smile, he returns it, relieved. 

“So how did it go?” Lily asks when you call her from the Uber ride home. You’d stayed far longer than any of you had probably anticipated, throwing ideas around and experimenting with melodies. You can’t help but gush over just how much fun you’ve had - probably for the first time in weeks. 

“I can’t wait to get started, they were both so welcoming.”

“And Jason?” Lily asked, knowing about your crush. You pause slightly, it’s been hard to know who you can actually talk to recently. With your ex on a campaign to smear your reputation, it’s hard to know who is really on your side. You know that the comments he’s made are all false but it still worries you that some people will believe him over you. 

“He’s just… lovely. And my god he’s gorgeous, like up close in person? He’s insanely handsome. I felt like a creep staring at him!” Lily giggled along with you,

“Oh my god, I didn’t realise this crush was like a full on crush?!”

“Neither did I!” You admit. “Tom had to take a call so we were just mucking around at the piano for ages.”

“You had to sing?”

“Of course I did! They want to know that I’ll be the right fit for what they need.”

“What did you sing? How was it?” Lily knew you hadn’t sung properly for weeks, you were rusty and unprepared and it made you anxious just thinking about it.

“I did ‘If I had a gun’ and ‘Landslide’. It went ok, my voice is a bit rough, but nothing some decent exercises won’t help.”

“Classics! I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you. I wasn’t expecting this… connection. It’s weird, like he saw me immediately, like he’d known me forever. I feel like someone’s just plugged me back into real life.”

“You should write a song about that.” She teased.

“Well, I need to. They want to move forward with me so I need to bring my A game.” You reply, anticipation fizzing in your belly.

~~~~~~~~

Let me know what you think! I'm excited to get started on this 😊 As usual, my inbox is open!

[skeptiquewrites]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @tackytigerfic (here) and @maesterchill (here). Emerging from my post illness hidey hole.

How many works do you have on ao3?

32, a number that both seems too large and smaller than I thought

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

254,835. Wild.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly HP, although once in a while I peek over at other fandoms. And I have a joint Check Please fic in the works.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All Drarry. None really surprised me but the final one, I hadn't realized it climbed that far up the kudos. Huh. 1. Yours Truly - my romcom fic about Harry feeling left out when everyone's coupled up, telling a lie that gets out of control, and also how hot magical ecology is 2. Home Truths - my Quidditch fic about the complications of fame, love of the game, Harry finding out who his family was and letting himself fall in love 3. Special Affinity - how quickly one can justify fucking one's coworker given a bonding spell while having no idea if the feelings part is reciprocal 4. Winner Takes It All - Draco feeling caught in impossible circumstances, working too much, caregiving for a parent, and how small kindnesses can mean the world 5. A Little Time - mistaken for a couple, forced proximity, Healer school, and everyone in a small town hating you and all your friends on sight

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments, but it takes me a while. I read every single one, and I try to wait until I have the time and energy to respond with something thoughtful. I'm months behind at this point.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a fairly happy ending sort of person. I tend to go more for straight angst for drabbles and micros. Maybe Beside Manner? They're formerly bonded and dealing very badly with the dissolution.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, gosh, most of them. I'm most enamoured by the Big Damn Kiss at the end of Home Truths. I love No Distance because Harry and Draco are very much in love and not able to hide it. I am particularly fond of the end of Winner because I was able to leave Draco in a very good place that felt right for the fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really I think. I get the occasional rude bookmark rating. Once, a very unpleasant person who sent lots of hate for months over a fairly inconsequential aspect of a fic. And then there have been a few comments where it's clear the reader wanted me to write a different fic, which I don't really take that personally. Nice comments far outweight the negative.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not much. Tender, expressive, evocative. Light on details mostly.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am not a crossover person.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think anyone has ever tried.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Two by the wonderful Bluebubbling which I was thrilled by.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've always wanted to. I'm trying my hand with another fandom, but one day.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Drarry. It just hits different.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'm one of those people who has a dozens of ideas. I think I'm unlikely to finish my Veela!Harry fic, I just don't think I have the range. I have yet to successfully write and finish a PWP. Would be thrilled to finish some of my rare pairs.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm. I think dialogue, efficiency, and atmosphere.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

More complicated or mystery-oriented plots, the mid-level between an ensemble cast and an intimate chamber piece, anything with significant length, spending lots of words on one scene.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

One of my ideas about writing is that not everything has to be maximally accessible to all to be an authentic expression in a fic. If that's what fits or feels right, go for it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

You know, I found out the answer for sure recently, and I will be keeping that information to myself. Highly embarrassing and yet formative. Let your imagination do the rest.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Winner Takes It All. Exactly what I intended, turned out beautifully. Some of my favourite writing.

tagging @magpiefngrl @lettersbyelise @lqtraintracks @quicksilvermaid @goblinmatriarch @teledild0nix @boxboxlewis and anyone else who is interested

[thevikingwoman]

I wanted to do one of these this year, as I've been really pleased with what I've written this year, especially in the back half.

For November and December I tried writing or working on my writing (outlining, editing) every day, and I was able to do so almost every day. I think it unclogged something, and I'll try to keep going with this in 2024.

This year I tried out a new fandom, FFXIV, it's been an interesting experience. I love what I've written and where it's taking me. I've had fun developing Meryta and getting to know her, it has taken a bit for her to let herself get known to me, and it's still a process! I'm enjoying having something new to dig into. I've also written a few shorts for Wayfarer IF, and my MCs do live rent free in my head - but for now they're mostly biding their time.

I'm looking forward to writing in 2024!

Overview

Fandoms: 2

Fics Published: 10

WIPs (actively working on): 3

WIPs/ideas (back burner): 5

I haven't tracked my words all year, so I can't properly tell. I've split up my in-progress fics as I tend to get ideas and jot down the gist or even write a little and then abandon. Some of them will never see the light, but some of them have more than 2000 words in them and I do want to finish them up.

For me, it's a constant balance of following the new idea or buckle down and finish something. I will work on this, I have things I want out in the world.

Fic List

Reprieve - FFXIV | E | Meryta x Emmanellain | 4206 words

I started this fic as a sweet kiss, and decided later to add the whole encounter and the morning after to the fic in November. I'm glad I did and it's been so fun exploring the sweetness between Meryta and Emmanellain.

Distance - FFXIV | M | Beatin x Gairhard, Meryta & Beatin | 1542 words

I have such a fondness for the DoH quests, and the ARR carpenter ones in particular. This is one of the favorite things I wrote this year, and one of the first.

Wayfarer short trio - View (G), Alone (G), Flirt (T) | 1474 words total

I wrote three short fics for @wayfarer-week, one for each of my MCs. They are all pre-game, and I'm very happy that I got these done, and the moments I choose.

Wrong - FFXIV | G | Meryta & Urianger | 691 words

I wanted to explore how Meryta felt about Urianger after the HW patches, and how this could lead to a beginning friendship

Under Familiar Stars - FFXIV | E | Meryta x Tansui | 2085 words

I so enjoyed Tansui when he showed in MSQ, and by mid Stormblood I had the idea of Meryta having a fling, so I wrote this. I really love how SB was both a homecoming and turning point in her maturity and confidence, and this fic does explore some of this - along with the smut ;). I'm really happy how this turned out.

The Perils of Ishgard Publishing | FFXIV | G | Meryta & Emmanellain | 428 words

A fun note on (fake) wol romance novel became this, and I really love how I was able to write off the cuff - and get to explore Meryta and Emmanellain's friendship after their fling.

Stress Relief | FFXIV | T | Calantha x Hien | 527 words

This was a gift for @galadae, and I'm so happy I got to write Cala and Hien. I love their relationship, and I'm so happy I got to write this, and that my writing has unwound itself enough to write a small gift fic.

Passing Through | FFXIV | E | Meryta x Tansui | 4518 words

By the time November rolled around I'd went off cliff on Meryta and Tansui's relationship, and this fic is my favorite of the year. I'm having so much fun exploring their dynamic, and writing some pretty fun smut. This one made me happy.

End notes

this was the year of FFXIV writing, and it does feel different writing for this fandom than other's I've engaged with. I don't know if I can or will set words on it, but I do look forward to exploring more ffxiv writing and reading next year.

The past two months have been so fun to me, and I've been pouring more words out than the entire year. For next year, my goal is to feel more free, to keep writing what sparks interest, and especially not worry of fitting everything perfectly into a fixed timeline. Not worry about living up to other's or my own expectations or bar for "making this thought a fic", not worry about pairings or topics, and just have fun.

happy writing to us all in 2024!

[pebblysand]

Need an update the first weekend of June’s already passed, in fact second weekend

When are you going to update pebbly we need a date

sigh.

i know some of youse are gonna send me DMs/other anons telling me what an arsehole this anon is - maybe, let's just not. i'm gonna use this as an excuse to give you all an update on where i'm at, and we're not gonna pass judgment on their choice of words. it doesn't really matter.

so, i'm gonna be honest: yes, i'm struggling. but also, no, it doesn't really have much to do with castles itself.

like, let's just say that i posted chapter 21, went on holidays for two weeks and literally since mid-March, i've not had more than a week in without some sort of personal or professional upheaval. life, these past few months, has truly been the gift that keeps on giving (and not in the best way), and i'm trying to stay afloat. my mental health has seen a lot of ups and downs, and creative focus has been very elusive. i've had a lot of starts and stops, long weekends when i got a lot of writing done, then not being able to touch anything for weeks, then having to almost start from scratch again, etc.

i can tell you where i'm at. which is that i have about 17,000 words right now, that some of them i'm very happy with, and some of them not at all, and that i approximate i still have around 10k left to write (yes, this is going to be a long chapter). i can also tell you that i know the longer i make you wait, the more expectations you build, the more paralysing fear i get about not being good enough. i also think that that sure, i could just put something together and push it out right now (i do have most of the chapter written, after all), but i wouldn't be happy with it. and i need to be happy with it. we're so near the end of this story that i feel it wouldn't be fair to myself, to you, and to it, if i put out something that wasn't to a standard i'm actually proud of.

i understand that, when an author doesn't update for a few months, there's this growing concern amongst the readership that the fic is just going to sit abandoned forever and never get finished. while i understand the concern, i can't possibly explain to you how far this is from the truth, when it comes to castles. like, i'm not abandoning this. i'm never gonna abandon this. this is my baby. i've sacrificed thousands of hours to it. i'm not giving up on it any time soon. however, it may take a little longer than i had anticipated to finish, in light of all these recent life developments i can't really control.

but, i promise i'm working on it. i would give you a date but as soon as i do, i start getting these anons if i go over the "deadline" so i'm not going to anymore.

love,

pebbles

[luthordamnvers]

1 for Mayhem fic & 9 for DEBS :)

1.Start to finish, how long did it take to plan and write? Did you take breaks during the process?

mayhem fic... it just downed on me that i wrote 3 fics for that... but i'm going to assume supercorp one... (tho i'll try to keep it from my pov, if snowy wants to do the game and add her experience) The idea had been in the idea doc for.... a while. So when we received the go ahead to cowrite for the event, we brainstormed a few ideas about what to write, I shared said doc with @snowydragonscave and she was immediately drawn to the soulmate trope, as she always wanted to write one. Still, I was in the middle of finishing my supercortober23 fic (mind you, it was mid-January) And my brain was still on that.. Still, I wrote 2 proposed outlines, one that was a single chapter, and the 3 chapter proposal that we ended up going with. This was my first co write, so honestly, I just wasn't sure about how it was going to work, and I have anxiety, so that was interesting. Snowy had been my editor for a while, so I wasn't necessarily nervous about writing with her, but more like the logistics of it. (we have 6+hours difference, so the overlap where we could actually write together was somewhat limited even without accounting for writers block and such) So, once I finished sctober in late February, we immediately jumped to mayhem. We decided for the 3 chapter thing, and the 3rd one being the true cowrite as it would be both characters and with the 2 previous ones giving us enough time to get into their mindset. Snowy is a Kara girl (in the sense that in my humble opinion, no other author in fandom describes her and her thoughts the way she does, that is so real and with such deepness, but i digress) so I proposed she'd take kara's chapter, as we had previously been talking about how she rarely writes AUs, and how she wanted to explore gender identity with Kara and some other things. And I was perfectly okay with exploring Lena's side of having 400 soulmates. There was a bit of miscommunication at the start, but again, my first cowrite and i'm pretty bad communicating stuff, but once we got over that it was a pretty smooth sailing. We felt incredibly bad for @rustingcat once she was assigned as our artist because we had... like 20k+ words and they hadn't even met so she had literally nothing to draw, but a ~vibe. Also, this fic kept expanding, and expanding, and yet we kept wanting to add more stuff that we felt was important. Like I wanted to keep exploring Lena's dynamic with Lex, and I had to actively restraint myself for adding more scenes about her relationship with both Jack and Andrea (like Lena's petty ass was going to tell her about meeting Andrea's soulmate during their fallout, if you know you know) But I had to remind myself that this was a supercorp fic, and thus they should be the focus. We published on May 31, I was done with chapter 3 by the 28th, Snowy still wanted to punch up stuff... all this to say.... around 3 months. We didn't take breaks, necessarily, but sometimes you need to take a step back (on said days, i wrote/drew the dansen one) And i kept fiddling with other programs to write... I wrote a lot of it by hand. So then I had to transcribe... it wasn't necessarily an easy writing, but I loved the journey and I'm pretty proud of the result.

9. Did you get stuck at any point? How did you get past that?

DEBS: Absolutely. It was my first fic, so sweet summer child me, really thought they could jot down a chapter a week, because chapter 1 and 2 were, all things considered, really fast and easy to write. Then i got to Chapter 4 and I always envisioned it as "dansen's chapter" and chapter 5 would be "nia's/brainia's chapter", I didn't found Alex or Nia's pov as easy to write as I found Kara and Lena's... And then I had to remind myself that this was a supercorp fic (do you see a trend here???) So I combined the two chapters, but then I found myself struggling with (now) chapter 5 because that was the smut chapter and.. turns out, I'm not very good at that. There was a month between chapter 3 and 4. And 2 months between each of the next 2 chapters. My saving was actually writing a different fic between chapters... I wrote self indulgence here, and I wrote my first dansen fic, i got pretty consistent and it worked for me. And then I hit six months between chapter 6 and 7/8. I got blocked, I wrote my first supercorptober because of that, to try and get out of it (also bitching about it on discord, that was important). i think it worked... though it took me a while to get back into that fic, but I was determined to finish it... I still have not been able to read it... hopefully soon.

Thanks for asking, dear 💜 tho I'm pretty sure you already knew all of this.

[ask game]

[nerdieforpedro]

Weekend Update - 03/17/2024 (on 03/18/2024)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! ☘️ This format will be a bit abbreviated this week. It’s been rough for me the last few week with work especially and life somewhat.

I think in sharing a small portion of what some of my days have looked like the last few months (mainly violent patients, disrobing patients, family members bringing drugs and other contraband into the hospital, a man arguing with security in a diaper) and still being expected to finish your shift and be ready to come back in a day or two, any of these single events might be a lot for some.

One silver lining, mama Nerdie has life advice: “Watch some Pedro and forget about old man balls.” Words I never thought I would hear her say but also words to live by. 🤣🤣🤣

For me they’ve become weekly. 😑 When I read it all together I realized it was a lot but it was a lot. Do I see a lot every week? I think I’m desensitized 😵‍💫 I’m kinda concerned but also it helps me function so…

Anyway, due to the above, my fic rec section will be shorter, what I put out this week is definitely shorter and the week of 03/24 and 03/31, there won’t be a weekend update from me as I am taking a well earned I think, vacation. 😎 Yay!

I should have my March Prompts scheduled through 3/31 and my Ezra series should continue through the end of March as well. I plan to continue Ezra, my fluffy Din series and Wedding Dieter series in April. 😘 Likely mid to late April as a heads up.

Thank you all so much for your support of my weekend updates. My usual format is fun to write because it’s what I imagine talking to one of you would be like if you wanted to pick my brain 🧠

Fanfiction recommendations 🥰

1. Ezra part two** from “A Baker’s Dozen” by @avastrasposts

2. His Living Fleshlight by @beskarandblasters (Din Djarin - F! Reader)

3. Plus size reader Masterlist by @ezrasbirdie

4. Mejor Sin Ti part one by @fhatbhabie (Javier Peña x plus size female reader featuring Joel Miller)

5. Que Manera de Despertar (Javier Peña x fat wife) by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

6. Watercolor by @magpiepills (Lucian Flores x female reader)

7. Mientes part two of Mejor Sin Ti by @fhatbhabie (Javier Peña x plus size reader featuring Joel Miller)

8. Summer nights, you and I by @katsheadinclouds (Lucian Flores x F plus’s size reader)

9. Couch, Interrupted by @charethcutestory02 (Frankie Morales x Benny Miller)

10. One Day at a Time by @rebel-held (Dieter Bravo x f reader)

I’m sad I didn’t get to more fics this week, there’s too many in my drafts folder warning to be read and reblogged.

What Nerdie did this week:

1. Made Our Journey Across the Star Ocean Masterlist

2. Part Three of The Lake Between Us

3. March Prompts days 10 - 16 (my top three: 11, 14 and 15) ☺️

4. Notes with Dieter

A doodle of one of the tattoos I want AU Din to have when he moves into the neighborhood: @alltheglitterandtheroar and @megamindsecretlair are to blame for letting me talk about Din way too much in sweatpants, special mention of @rhoorl for her former love 🫡

Why did I write elbow? Truthfully I’m not sure, where else would his elbow be? 🤣🤣🤣

This is why I write and do not draw. 👀 I will leave it to @immarocketman and @morallyinept as they’re artists. 🧑‍🎨

Stay safe, stay hydrated and when in doubt, watch some Pedro 💕

Love Nerdie! See you in April ❤️

[dreamlandreader]

Foolish Fire Chapter Five - A Charming Beast

The time has come for the final chapter of your gift to be released @popjunkie42-blog 💖 I’m so happy that you now have your entire gift out in the world, but I am also a little sad that it’s finished as I’ve had such a wonderful time getting to know you and it has been my greatest pleasure getting to write for you.

Thank you so much to the organisers of @acotargiftexchange - this event has been an absolute joy to be involved in and you must have worked so incredibly hard behind the scenes to ensure that it all ran smoothly. It’s such a fabulous way for people in the fandom to connect with others and I hope you know how brilliant you are!

You can find the masterlist here, or read this fic on ao3 here

Content warnings - Suggestive language

Rhys woke to the early morning sunlight breaking through the trees. He was freezing cold with pins and needles in his left arm, which was trapped under Feyre’s head. Sleeping naked under the stars seemed like a brilliant idea until now, when his lack of clothing meant that several sharp stones were digging into his bare ass cheek.

Feyre sighed between gentle snores and nestled herself further into Rhysand’s embrace, crushing his arm in the process, but he didn’t care. He savoured every moment with his wife, especially these moments when it was just the two of them curled up together.

Rhysand knew he would never complain about early mornings again. Not when he got to wake to his mate sleeping soundly, a smile gracing her peaceful face. Not when she woke up first, and he opened his eyes to hers, taking in every inch of him. Like she truly saw him for what he was and loved him, not in spite of that but because of it. Not on the mornings when their beautiful son would squeeze his tiny body between them and chatter away giddily.

Rhysand kissed Feyre’s forehead, smoothing her hair out of her face with his free hand, and began to wake her up slowly. Early in their relationship, he had learnt that Feyre did not take kindly to being awoken abruptly.

“Wake up darling, the sun is coming up. We should start moving again and try to find our way out back to the camp before the others start to panic,”

What Rhysand was not aware of, though, was that it was already too late.

Nesta woke to the image of Elain bursting through the flaps to her tent, delicate hands covering her eyes.

"Wake up! Nesta, get up!" she shouted at a level far too impolite for this hour in the morning.

"For cauldron's sake, Elain, go away," Cassian mumbled, his face planted so far into his pillow that Nesta was slightly concerned he might suffocate.

"I will not go away, Cassian. Get your lazy asses out of this tent immediately before I damn well drag you out!" Elain shrieked, her voice several octaves higher than usual. The urgency in her tone caused a terrible sinking feeling in Nesta's gut as she sat up and took in her sister, Cassian, not far behind her.

"Elain, what's wrong?" Nesta asked softly.

"And why are you covering your eyes?" Cassian added.

"I'm … well, I … urgh", she stumbled, slightly uncovering her eyes and peaking until she knew it was safe.

"Feyre and Rhysand are missing! I came here to wake you up so we could try to find them. But I was concerned I would walk in on your mid-morning activity again," she grimaced, remembering a particularly unwelcome memory from a few months prior.

"Gods, Elain, it was one time!" Nesta moaned, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, and the memory of Cassian spread eagle still hasn't left either mine or Lucien's brain, thank you very much,"

"I am a sight to behold," Cassian smirked, winking at Elain, who blushed furiously.

"Oh, Mother, spare me; we aren't talking about Cassian's manhood again, are we, sweetheart? I thought we swore never to discuss it again," Lucien drawled as he climbed through the tent flaps and hooked his arm around his mate's waist.

"Can we please get back to the matter at hand," Elain sighed, throwing Nesta a desperate look.

"They'll probably just be off somewhere having sex in the woods," Nesta said, trying to calm the worry that was rising in herself, never mind Elain. "I thought so too when I first noticed them missing 4 hours ago when I got up to use the bathroom and noticed their tent flaps still open. However, I just went to see if Feyre wanted a cup of spearmint tea, and their tent is still empty. In fact, it doesn't even look as though they've been in there at all,"

"Maybe they've just winnowed home. You know Rhys, he loves his home comforts. They probably just thought they could sneakily sleep in their own bed and then slip back this morning, and nobody would notice," Cassian guessed, knowing his brother had spent most of the previous day whining.

"No. Something has happened. I know it!" Elain insisted, and Nesta couldn't shake the feeling that she was right.

"How about we give it a couple of hours, stay here and wait for them to turn up? If they still aren't back by then, we can start to look for them properly," Lucien suggested, the warmth in his eyes soothing the fear in Elain's heart.

"Okay, I guess. As long as we go as soon as those two hours are up," she agreed.

"I promise. Why don't we go and drink some of that tea? It might help to calm our nerves?" Lucien asked, leading Elain out of the tent with a nod to Nesta and Cassian.

"They'll be okay, Nesta," Cassian said, gripping her hand in his own, able to read the silent panic she radiated through the bond.

"Yeah, I know", she answered, but her concern still remained.

Feyre and Rhysand, now dressed again in their dirty and bloodstained clothes, began their journey once more, trundling through the forest, hoping to find their way back to their family.

"I wish we knew where the hell we were going, Rhys," Feyre grumbled as they walked through thousands of identical russet-coloured trees.

"We just need to keep walking. We'll come to something we recognise eventually,"

Before Feyre could respond, a small yelp echoed in the distance, and she immediately stopped in her tracks, her attention now focused on the small creature in obvious distress.

"Feyre, no. It could easily be another trick," Rhysand said, knowing exactly what his selfless wife was thinking Rhys.

Another yelp rang out.

"But it sounds like it is scared, Rhys, we can't just leave it!"

"Darling, it's likely just another creature trying to separate and kill us. We can't take that risk so soon after last night," Rhysand begged, praying to the Gods she would drop the subject and continue walking.

Rhys took a single step forward before one more yelp penetrated the frigid silence of the woods, and he turned to his mate, knowing this fight was already lost.

"Fine," Rhys said, turning to look at Feyre, who stared back with hope in her eyes. "Let's just be very careful. Neither of us has enough power back from the faebane yet to be able to defend ourselves sufficiently. We can't just go barging in there,"

Following the noise, it became apparent that the distressed animal was not alone. As Feyre and Rhys approached, a deep, rumbling voice sounded out with laughter so loud that Feyre was surprised she didn't feel the ground shake beneath her feet.

Looking through the trees, the couple could see a gigantic beast whose legs were as thick as tree trunks and who towered over everything in its wake. In the centre of the creature's face was a single dark green eye, and in its fist was an animal so small that from their angle, neither Feyre nor Rhys could figure out what it was.

“A cyclops,” Rhys whispered, having recognised the larger creature from brief encounters in his past when rogue individuals had wandered into some of the nearby Night Court villages and caused utter chaos.

The tiny animal in its grasp let out a short howl, and the cyclops laughed again, dangling the little black bundle from its hind legs and swinging it back and forth over its open mouth.

“He’s teasing it,” Feyre fumed, enraged with the creature’s cruelty, before storming up to the monster, hands clenched by her side and giving it a swift kick.

Rhys stared at Feyre with his mouth wide open as he ran to her side. He was simultaneously annoyed that she didn’t stick to the plan and incredibly impressed by her determination to fight for what she believed was right.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Feyre screeched up at the beast, fury igniting the flames in her eyes.

The creature growled, it’s rancid breath overwhelmingly their fae senses as it peered down upon them with irritation.

“It’s a baby. Leave it alone. Go and fight with something your own size,” Rhys shouted before pulling Feyre back as the Cyclops threw out a leg.

He knew the monster’s size slowed it down significantly. However, its brute strength meant that they would easily be torn to shreds if it managed to snatch either of them in its grasp. The creature glared down at them once more, likely coming to the same conclusion, and smirked.

“Look, the last 24 hours, I have been through hell. I got lost in the woods, had my mind taken over by a creepy ass butterfly, nearly got eaten by a fucking lake monster, witnessed my mate on the brink of death and fought off a demonic psychopath. Oh, and to top it all off, I slept on the forest floor last night, so my back fucking hurts. But trust me, I still will not find you a challenge,” Feyre snarled.

Rhys prepared himself to run from another attempted blow. However, instead of attacking, the creature began to laugh once more, the sound booming so loudly that golden leaves began falling from the trees, showering down around them.

Placing the cowering creature on the floor, the cyclops stepped back, took one more amused glance at Feyre, turned around and stomped away.

"What just happened?" Feyre asked, bemused.

"I think you just defused that entire situation by making him laugh," Rhys replied, just as confused as his wife.

Moving forward, Feyre looked down at the scared animal by her feet, and let out a gasp as not one, or two, but three heads lifted and looked back at her.

Approaching gently, she let the three-headed pup sniff her hand and giggled when three tiny pink tongues began to lick it to thank her for her assistance.

"Where's your Mama," she asked, kneeling to see them closer, her heart melting at the six round eyes that looked back at her. In reply, the pups let out a sad whine, and Feyre knew they were orphaned. Looking up at Rhysand, Feyre and the three-headed dog appeared to all be asking the same question.

"Absolutely not. Our lives are full enough, Feyre. We have a court to run and a toddler, never mind that we'd need to find somewhere to put it. Do you know how big these dogs get!"

Feyre just continued looking at Rhysand, not saying a single word, yet still pleading with him to bring them home.

"Oh gods, fine!" he moaned, "but I, for one, will not be walking it!"

Feyre sprang up, peppering his face with kisses as the puppies let out tiny howls of excitement, their little black tail wagging with glee.

"Come on, we still need to find our way out of here," Rhys sighed.

Suddenly, the three-headed pup, who seemed to have been listening to the entire conversation, began to run, Feyre chasing after them and Rhys hot on their trail. After a few minutes they found themselves nearing a clearing, with three tents sitting in a line, and four worried fae sat around a campfire.

"Where the hell have you been?" Nesta says, hands on her hips, "We were scared to death!"

Scooping the pups into her arms and giving them a grateful squeeze, Feyre replied, "It's a long story," and plonked herself down onto a camp chair.

"We have time," an equally concerned Elain said, looking to Rhys for answers, and so, with one arm around his mate, he began to tell their tale.

[pentuppen]

Writing Patterns Tag Game!

Never done one of these before but I got Tagged by @dustdeepsea so I figured I would give it a go! Also @dustdeepsea i snagged your formatting because I am lazy!

Rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~

The Devil You Don't (BG3 unfinished series. Rapahel/Tav. explicit)

The library was a place in which a thousand journeys waited.

2. Unleashed (BG3 Unfinished series. Book two of The Game series. Tav / Astarion spawn. Explicit)

Warner Gould half stumbled out of the Blushing Mermaid, weaving on the threshold for a few seconds before he bounced gently off the doorframe and half floated down the wooden stairs.

3. Bitter Suns (BG3 one shot. Gortash / Durge. Explicit)

Her mind was a spiral of revelation, coming undone at the seams she had roughly tied into place over the last few months, the urge once again circling her body like a shark, waiting for the first drop of her weakening will to fall like blood in the water.

4. Loose The Arrow (BG3 finished series, book one in The Game series. Astarion ascended / tav, i think at this point you can assume they are all explicit lol)

It was a perfect twilight by the time she’d finished setting up the camp.

5. Mid Winter In Moonrise (BG3 One shot. Astarion ascended/tav/halsin. Created as a xmas special for all the people who got me through 50 chapters of Loose the Arrow)

Twas the night before Deadwinter and all through the woods, not a creature was stirring…aside from the druid who sailed through the air and hit the trunk of a tree.

6. The Things We Must Do (DA:I Solas/lavellan angst fluff and smut, old fic)

The old wolf roamed across the Exalted plains and a trembling silence followed, broken only by the sound of dry grass beneath weary feet.

7. See Her Run (DA:I Solas / Lavallen angst fluff and basically unfinished because I ran out of steam)

When he had once sat within the painted rotunda of Skyhold and idly imagined her stepping amongst the ancient shelves of the shattered library, it had not been like this.

8. The Lady Doth Protest (DA:I One shot. Pure Blackwall/trevelyan smut)

He watched her mingle with the sycophantic ranks of nobles and dignitaries alike, a glittering array of strutting peacocks and bejewelled swans, all of them speaking from behind masks, whether they wore them on their faces or behind their lying eyes.

9. In Red (DA:I One shot. Pure Iron Bull / Trevelyan smut )

They meet on the battlefield again, and this time they are on the same side.

10. What You Owe (DA:I 3 parter. My very first fic, a Solas / lavellan angst smut sobfest! I made a lot of people cry)

“It was cruel of you to seek me in my dreams”

~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~~o0O0o~

Not sure what any of that says about me other than I am a bit long winded lol

Don't actually know many other authors I can tag because im old and mostly shitpost stupid memes! But I will ask @nusaran and @chewchewman to take a stab at it!!

[poledancingdinos]

You've Got Me Hooked - Epilogue

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Riley McKenzie)

Word count: 4K

Warnings: Sex work, Stripper, OnlyFans, Smut, Breeding kink, Hospital, Childbirth

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka  @luclittlepond  @marytudorbrandon  @enchantedbytomandhenry  @narnianaos  @foxyjwls007  @peaches1958 @identity2212  @summersong69  @liecastillo @islacharlotte @evansabove1981  @eskiix @lilacwineandthesinkingsunmain @tryingtoliveonmywishes @geralts-yenn

A/N: OMG THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE CONCLUSION TO THEIR LITTLE STORY 😭 I'm really emotional and grateful to all you guys for following this journey with me. Expect a cheeky little bonus scene in the next week.

I don't think I'll ever be completely over these two. I'd love to hear what you guys think happens along the way in this universe. Who knows, I might even write a few more bonus scenes 🥰

If you want to be added or removed from my taglist, let me know! If your name is crossed out, I can’t tag you for some reason.

Masterlist

6 months later

Sy

"You're up early."

Riley lifts her head from whatever she’s preparing and greets me with a smile.

"Actually I'm up late. I just got back."

I let out a low whistle, settling on the stool across the island from Riley. "Damn, that's a long day. Didn't you leave the apartment mid-afternoon yesterday?"

I’m sure she texted me around two to let me know she was leaving. When our work schedules conflict too much we still just sleep in our own rooms to avoid waking each other up. I didn’t expect her by my side but I also didn’t expect her to still be awake at this hour.

"It was a long day but I had a bunch of things that needed to get done before I went to the club. Then there was this celebration thing for one of the girls who’s leaving and, of course, there was no food, just booze. I'm starving."

She moves to the pantry and pulls out a loaf of bread then rifles through the spices above the stove. The big hoodie she’s wearing — my hoodie — rides up, exposing the tiny flannel shorts she’s wearing underneath. I should probably help her reach what she needs but that thought comes second to admiring the view. She looks adorable. I can’t help but think back to how she was when I first moved in. How she used to hide but was still always unashamedly herself.

"I was just making French toast if you want any," she offers, setting the ingredients down on the counter. 

I’ve never been much of a cook beyond my regular bacon and eggs or most combinations of meat and potatoes. I normally take care of myself in the mornings though if she cooks before going to bed she always leaves me some. French toast sounds way better than whatever I can manage.

"I'd fucking love some. Ya need any help?"

"Nope, it's all good. You have time to shower while I finish this up."

"Yes, ma'am." I give her a mock salute that makes her giggle and head off to the hall bathroom. 

When I get back to the kitchen I have a pair of coveralls on over some loose shorts. It’s hot as hell right now in the workshop so I try to keep the clothes to a minimum. I have coveralls zipped only halfway with the sleeves tied around my waist to keep from stepping on them.

Riley turns her head as she hears me approach, her eyes lingering on my bare chest. I have a black tank top hanging out of my back pocket for later but I figured I’d let her look her fill first. 

She seems to remind herself that she still has a hot cast-iron in her hand and shakes her head in order to return her focus to preparing our two plates. She slides them into place on the island then goes back for our coffee, pouring two large mugs. Riley has this superpower where she can down about a gallon of coffee and still be dead to the world in bed ten minutes later.

We eat in comfortable silence with me occasionally sneaking a treat or two down to Aika. Unfortunately she chews so loudly that there is no way Riley doesn’t notice it even if she’s practically falling asleep with her head in her plate.

I take our dishes to the sink and start to fill it with hot water but Riley comes up behind me,  wrapping her arms around my waist and placing a kiss between my shoulder blades.

"Hey, don't bother yourself with those, I'll get them in a few hours when I get up for the day."

I turn in her hold and she sets her chin on my chest to look up at me.

"I can't do that, my Mama raised me better than to leave a lady with the dishes after she cooks me a meal." I lean down, stealing a slow kiss. Well, I guess it’s not really stealing if she’s happy to oblige. “Go get some sleep, darlin’.”

She nuzzles her head into my chest and squeezes me even tighter. “In a minute. I’m not done hugging you yet.”

“I love you,” I say as I place a kiss to the top of her head.”

“Love you too,” she mumbles back.

12 months later

Riley

I keep staring at my computer, expecting the numbers to somehow change or for some pop up to open and plaster the word “PSYCH” on the screen but the display doesn’t change. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, only moving to slide my fingers over the trackpad when the screen goes dark.

Balance remaining to be paid: $0.00.

I can’t believe it. I’m finally, finally free. A while back I paid off the last of my credit card debt and today, I made the last payment on my student debt. It’s finally over. My days of working three jobs and losing over half my wages to loan payments are over.

I should be happy but somehow I’m mostly terrified because now… Now I actually have to choose. Before, stripping and running my OnlyFans seemed like my only options. No one was hiring and I had no way of proving my worth to a potential employer anyway.

Now I have the chance to give up one of the three jobs. I guess it would have to be the diner since that’s the one that pays the least and since the club and the OnlyFans sort of feed into one another.

Or I could keep doing what I’m doing now. I’ll be able to start living a more normal, less restrictive life or maybe I’ll start putting whatever I used to reserve for loan payments into some savings. That seems like a smart thing to do.

Then why does it feel like both of those options make me a coward?

“Your thoughts are really loud.” I look up to find Sy settling in the chair beside me at the table. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you think I could keep doing what I’m doing? Running my OnlyFans and working in clubs, I mean.”

“What, like, as your career?” I nod. “Yeah, I guess for a while. Don’t know much ‘bout it but it seems to me like something people only do for five, maybe ten years at most.”

That’s true. The oldest stripper at the club is maybe in her early forties but she spends a lot of money on trying to look younger. The men who come to us tend to get bored when there isn’t a fresh batch of newly legal dancers every now and then. I’ve changed clubs a lot in the last year to keep the money from drying up.

“What’s really botherin’ ya, sweetheart?”

“I never thought about… after. Like, I knew eventually I wouldn’t have to dance but I didn’t… I didn’t really let myself believe I would make it out. And now that I can…”

“You’re scared,” he finishes for me.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

Sy pushes his chair back enough to pull me to sit sideways on his lap. I love it when he does this — when he just holds me to let me know I’m not alone.

“When I got discharged… I felt lost. I’d given 17 years to the army where every decision was made for me. Sure as a Captain I told people what to do but most of the time I was just passin’ on whatever orders the higher ups had given me.”

It’s weird to think that a man like Sy felt lost. Or scared. It feels like I’m the one having constant meltdowns and he’s holding me steady through the storm.

“If ya keep dancin’ that’s your decision. But I don’t want ya to keep doin’ it because it’s familiar. You should do it because that’s what ya want deep down. I know you must be terrified of fuckin’ everything up because that’s exactly how I felt when I came home. You’re worried that you’ll make the wrong choice so you’re tryin’ to avoid choosin’ at all but I see that sparkle in your eye every time Don calls ya up for help. Don’t pass that up.”

I pull my socked feet up, curling myself into a little ball on Sy’s lap. He happily shifts his hold to hug me closer as I press my face into the crook of his neck. I do love working with Don. And I think I might actually be good at it too. Sy’s right. It’s time.

“I might need you to make that speech again in a few weeks.”

“I’ll tell ya again and again until it sticks. You’re amazin’, Ri. You can do this.”

I can do this.

“Okay. I’ll shut everything down tonight.”

21 months later

Sy

“The purchase orders for the parts are in this file. You’ll want to double check the invoices from Collins, the new girl they hired is still getting used to their computer system and sometimes bills the same part twice. I had Sy change the code for the safe to your birthday and the bills for tomorrow’s pick-ups are all filled out and ready to print unless there are last minute changes.”

Riley is talking about a million miles a minute. Since she took over managing RD’s she’s been practically impossible to pull away from that desk. Convincing her to go up to a cabin with me for a week was no easy feat.

“Miss McKenzie, I ran this place for damn near 40 years, I think I can manage one week without your assistance. Now get, you and Sy both deserve the time off.”

Riley looks around, seemingly trying to decide if she’s forgotten to mention anything important. She eventually nods and throws her duffle bag over her shoulder. It’s packed to the brim with everything she needs for the next week but if I have my way, she won’t be wearing any of her clothing. Well, maybe that new order of lingerie she doesn’t know I know about could be the exception.

I hold out the keys to the truck, not moving from where I’m leaning against the doorframe.

“Go get settled, I’ll be out in a minute.”

She gives Don a kiss on the cheek and hugs him goodbye before taking the keys and heading out of the office.

I make sure the shop's front door is closed before pushing off the frame and walking over to Don’s — well, Riley’s — desk.

“Did ya get it?”

“Boy, when have ya ever known me not to follow through on my word?” He reaches inside his coat pocket, peaking towards the door to make sure it’s still just the two of us. When he’s sure the coast is clear, he produces a small black velvet box.

“Guess I won’t be callin’ her Miss McKenzie for much longer.” 

“Not if things go my way.”

He hands me the box and I open it to take one more look at the ring. It was my mama’s. I dropped it off at a jeweler to be resized and I asked Don to pick it up for me so Riley wouldn’t accidentally find it. My parents were dirt fucking poor when they got married and my mama insisted that one simple wedding band was enough. My dad always regretted not being able to get her a flashy engagement ring so he gave her one when they renewed their vows on their thirtieth anniversary. She told me once that when the right woman came, she wanted me to have it. Said a ring like that deserved to witness a love story from the beginning.

“You don’t need any sorta luck, Sy. That woman is head over heels in love with you.”

I snap the box shut and shove it in the side pocket of my shorts. My hands are fucking sweating just thinking about dinner tomorrow night. It’s our two year anniversary tomorrow which is how I convinced Riley to go to the cabin with me. She’s cooking up something fancy although I don’t know what since she wanted it to be a surprise. Little does she know, I’ve got a life-changing surprise of my own.

“Were ya nervous when ya proposed to Charlotte?”

“Every man gets nervous, Son. But you wouldn’t be askin’ if ya actually thought she’d say no. When it’s right, it’s right.”

It’s definitely right, so fucking right. Riley is the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t ever want to be without her. I know she feels it too.

So much has happened since I first met her. So much has changed. Riley took over managing this place for Don while also doing some freelance consultant work. She’s not that reserved, timid girl I met that first day. She’s still herself, just a more self-assured and confident version of herself.

“I should go. If I stay much longer, Riley will start wonderin’ what we’re talkin’ about.”

Don drops into the office chair, running his hands over the leather of the arms rests like he’s getting reacquainted with the feeling.

“Make sure you get a picture for Charlotte. She’ll have your hide if ya don’t.”

That makes me laugh because I know it’s a hundred percent true. She takes her responsibilities as godmother very seriously and she is absolutely in love with Riley. She loves to tell Riley all the town gossip when we go over there for Sunday dinner.

“I’ll be sure to do that.” I readjust my cap on my head as I head for the door. “Call if ya need anything.”

“Ya don’t mean that,” Don scoffs.

“Damn right I don’t,” I call over my shoulder with a smirk.

“Drive safe, Son.”

36 months later

Riley

I’m almost done packing up the last of my newspaper wrapped mugs into a box for the move next week. It’s so strange to see the apartment so empty, even if that means it’s currently filled with boxes instead.

“Hey, Ri?” Sy calls out from the bedroom.

“In the kitchen!”

Sy walks into view with a familiar blue gift-wrapped box in his hands.

“Oh… That was supposed to be for your birthday in May,” I explain quickly. I thought I’d have a few more weeks to figure out how I was going to bring this up. If my words failed then he was supposed to just open the gift and know what I had to say.

“Well, I haven’t opened it yet.” He extends the box for me to take back.

This is my out. I could take back the gift, shove it in one of the boxes and forget about it again until I gather the courage to do this all over again or I could just let this happen.

“You know what, it’s fine.” I place the box of mugs on the ground by the door and turn my full attention to Sy. “Open it now.” 

Sy frowns at me, tipping his head to the side. “You don’t look sure.”

“No,” I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly, “go ahead.”

Sy knows something is up, looking between me and the small box in his hands. He turns it over, looking at it from all sides.

I can imagine what’s going on in his head. How he’s probably analyzing the way the contents rattle as he drops onto the couch. How the box feels really light compared to what you would expect for the size.

I’m a lot more nervous than I thought I would be. That’s part of the reason I was waiting until his birthday to bring this up. I figured the added pressure of it being his birthday would be the final push I needed to broach the subject.

I sit on the coffee table across from Sy, rubbing my hands over my thighs. Am I sweating? Is it hot in here?

Sy picks up on my nerves — obviously — and he takes my hand in his. I look down at where his thumb rubs over the back of my fingers, lightly brushing my wedding ring.

“Ri, what’s going on? You’re worrying me, here.”

I can’t help but feel so incredibly fond of him right now. This. This right here is why I married him. Just like that, my worries are abated.

“Just,” I sigh, smiling, “open it.”

I watch as Sy peels back the tape torturously slowly and lifts one side of the paper. As I expected, Sy doesn’t immediately recognize the box. He frowns as he reads the packaging but then his mouth drops open when he finally understands his gift. Or rather, when he finally understands the meaning behind his gift.

“Are ya serious about this?” He holds up the box of ovulation test strips, trying to mask the hopeful expression on his face. We’ve talked about this, of course. It’s typically good practice to make sure you and your partner agree on whether or not to have children before you marry them but we’d always just talked about doing so at some point in the future.

I knew this was something Sy really wanted but as with everything else, he’s just patiently waited for me to be ready too. The house we just bought has plenty of room to accommodate a growing family. And the new puppy Sy promised we could get soon.

I bite my lip but it doesn’t help contain my smile. “I’ve already checked with my doctor. I can go off my pill whenever we want to start trying.”

Sy looks back down at the box on his lap and is unnervingly quiet for a moment before he throws it to the other side of the couch and pulls me to straddle his lap.

“Sy!” I squeal, taken by surprise. I don’t have time to process what just happened before my shirt is ripped over my head and Sy attaches his lips to my neck.

“You haven’t started the new pack after the sugar pills right?” His hand dips under the band of my leggings and his fingers dig into the flesh of my ass. “You were supposed to start it tomorrow?”

My eyes fall closed and I bare my neck to give him better access. “How do you…”

“I take notice to my wife’s health, sue me.”

My bra comes off next and then I’m lifted into the air.

“You gonna fuck me, Captain? You gonna knock me up?”

All I get is a growl in response and he sits me on the edge of the dining room table. I lean back on my forearms and lift my hips to allow my pants to come off and Sy pushes his jeans down just enough to free his already impossibly hard erection.

“Fuck yeah, I’m gonna fill ya up and keep ya filled ‘til you’re good and pregnant.”

“Do your worst, Cap,” I taunt as he pushes in, spearing me with his dick.

I guess I had no reason to be nervous after all.

47 months later

Sy

“You’re doin’ so good, sweetheart, you gotta keep goin’.”

Riley looks absolutely exhausted. She has deep circles under her eyes since she hasn’t slept in almost 36 hours and she’s panting like she just ran a marathon. The last hour has indeed been a grueling test of her strength but she’s so so close. On top of all that, if the way she’s crushing my hand is any indication, she is in excruciating pain.

“I can’t, Sy. I’m sorry, I can’t do it, I can’t...” She collapses back on the bed. The hand that was clasping the side rail covers her mouth as she sobs and I wish so badly that I could fix this for her but, unfortunately, that’s not possible.

I look towards the doctor at the foot of the bed and hold up one finger as a silent request to let me try something before she intervenes. We’ve talked about the possibility of a C-section and I don’t want that for Riley if we can avoid it. Recovering from surgery is difficult enough without being almost a thousand miles away from home. There’s no way Riley would handle the ride home just a few days post op. We already have to make the drive with a newborn in the backseat of the truck. At least I had the sense to put the baby seat in to be ready for when Riley made it to her due date.

“Darlin’, look at me.”

Riley’s eyes are shut tightly as she shakes her head. Fat tears fall down her cheek and I wipe them away with my thumb.

“Ri, sweetheart, look at me.”

She sniffs as she opens her bloodshot eyes, her chin quivering as she tries to regain her composure. 

“Just you and me.” That’s not quite true, there’s the doctor and a handful of nurses in here with us but she understands what I mean all the same.

She releases a shaky breath. “I’m really glad it’s you, Sy,” she answers, leaning into my touch. I press a kiss to her forehead, smoothing away a few strands of sweat soaked hair before helping Riley as she pushes herself back into a seated position. Well, as seated as she can manage with her legs spread wide and her remarkably large stomach.

When it’s time to push again, Riley follows the doc’s gentle encouragement and she bares down, managing to get through the next fifty seconds like a pro. I wish I could say it only takes a few more contractions to get the job done but it’s another half hour before a sharp wail fills the little room.

Riley falls back onto the bed, rapidly heaving air into her lungs as she attempts to catch her breath. I’m vaguely aware of the medical staff speaking to us but I can’t hear them over the pounding in my ears. I’m transfixed as the tiny human is gently deposited on the towel over Riley’s stomach.

My amazing wife reaches down to trail a finger over our baby’s forehead, barely daring to touch at first before cradling them against her. We’re both quiet as we admire our child, only looking away when I’m handed a pair of scissors and told where to cut. 

It’s a lot harder than I would have imagined it would be, taking me two or three snips to fully get through the thick cord. As soon as I’m done, I go back to the head of the bed and all but collapse over Riley’s chest. She presses her face into my neck and her arms wrap weakly around me.

“You did it, Ri. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“Okay, Dad, are you ready to hold your baby boy?”

I turn to see one of the nurses holding my son who they’ve cleaned off and wrapped up in a bundle of blankets. I’m aware that he’s not actually that small for a newborn but he looks so fucking breakable.

I hold my arms out and the nurse places him against my chest, making sure I’ve got a good hold on him before stepping back and giveng me a Riley a bit of privacy.

“Hey, bud. Let’s say hi to your Mama.”

Riley’s crying again but I know that they are happy tears. “Hi baby,” she coos, using all her remaining strength to lean forward and kiss his forehead. “I want you to know you have the best Daddy in the world.”

“Na,” I argue, “your Mama is the best. She made sure you were nice and warm and safe before you came out to meet us.”

We could argue back and forth like this all day, both of us pressed close together with our son between us. I count my blessings because I am one lucky son of a gun to have the most breathtakingly beautiful and phenomenal woman to share this moment — and my life — with.

It’s fitting, really. From the moment I met her, something about Riley had me hooked. And now with our son? Well, I can’t tear my eyes away so what does that tell you?

Bonus Scene