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wooahaes · 2 years ago

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under the sun [joshua]

pairing: non-idol!joshua x gn!reader

prompt: darl+ing inspired fic.

word count: 11.4k~

warnings: slightly suggestive at the very very end, but its left up to interpretation whether anything happens!! (its just two idiots in love making out for a minute). so, so much skinship and platonic-ish kisses between joshua and reader throughout. depictions of nightmares + mentions of vague illness and injuries within said nightmares. food mentions. more straight forward, flirty joshua throughout fic. mentions of joshua being mr gentle sexy.

daisy’s notes: men i am down bad for after writing this........ also sorry to anyone who asked to be tagged but wasn’t: several names didn’t pop up when i tried to @ them !! (plus tumblr for some reason hates when i try to have a taglist so if it DOES show that u were @-ed but didnt receive a notif, im so sorry!! ive had this issue for a while and i have no idea how to fix it...)

< day 3 || masterlist ||

summary: It all starts when you wake up in a field without a name or any memories to define yourself with. Thirteen men take you in as one of their own, and slowly you begin to wonder what is going on within this world… and between you and one of them.

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that Joshua already had a soft spot for you.

This, however, was normal in his eyes. Every time a new person came from maybe either Soonyoung or Wonwoo onward, Joshua found himself doting on people a little extra. When Jun came, it simply felt like they were a tiny group of people living together. But something about that number ticking over from four to five or five to six felt... More, in a way. Although he didn’t dote heavily on Soonyoung, or Wonwoo for that matter, his affections were obvious from day one. The amusement he found in Soonyoung’s jokes, the gentle way Joshua made sure to keep Wonwoo (and later Jihoon, Minghao, and occasionally Hansol when he wasn’t feeling the chattiest) acknowledged in conversations (never forcing them to speak, but making sure they felt regarded as a member of the group), his friendly competitions with the others... He found ways to make sure people felt involved. Jeonghan was better at listening and giving advice, Seungcheol’s job was to lead, and therefore Joshua kept people feeling loved. Whether that be with casual conversation or the occasional mischievous prank he pulled. With you, he expected more of the same: he would dote on you in the beginning, and then it would fade into that same love and care he provided everyone with. Truthfully, Joshua enjoyed caring for people. There was a reason he was called gentle sexy, after all (... even if it was semi self-imposed).

And at the end of your first week living with them, Joshua saw how stressed you were becoming for one reason or another. So he decided he’d get to the root of the problem sooner rather than later. Once he finished hanging laundry with you and the others, he offered up a little picnic lunch--just the two of you. He’d packed up the sandwiches someone else (Mingyu, he thought) had made, and sliced fruit for you. All that was left was for the two of you to find a nice spot to sit in. He carried his bag with food and water bottles inside of you, while you had been tasked with the very important job of carrying the blanket he’d found for you.

He’d suggested the spot the two of you eventually settled into: half underneath the shade of the tree, and half underneath the sunshine. He spread out the blanket for two of you, gazing up at the cloudy sky above for a moment. He looked at you after a moment, gently patting the spot next to him. Yet when you sat down, he didn’t notice the way he slightly shifted to be closer to you without much thought. It felt... natural in a strange way.

“Like my second day,” you mused aloud at one point as Joshua was pulling the securely wrapped food from his bag. He looked up with a hum, but realized what you meant a second later: the two of you had lazed together under the sky that day, too.

His fingers grazed against your own for a moment, acutely aware of how the side of your hand pressed against his own that day. “It wasn’t that long ago,” he gently teased, a warm chuckle escaping his throat. “But you already fit in with us.” Just like we knew you would, he wanted to say, but he held back. Would that be a little too bold to say...?

“I do?”

He smiled. “You do,” he said, his hand already finding a home with your own, your fingers already lacing together with his. “I wouldn’t lie. I think we all care about you a lot, even if it’s in different ways.”

He could see the way you bit back a thought. Absentmindedly, your thumb brushed over his.

“Even Jihoon and Minghao,” he told you. He noticed the way you raised your eyes, already caught. And oh how cute your expression was. Maybe he’d catch you in silly little moments like these again if he could see that wide-eyed look again. “They’re just taking their time. They were like this with Seungkwan and Chan, too.”

It didn’t take you long to piece together the missing name there. “What about Hansol?”

Joshua’s eyes seemed to light up a little as he smiled. “Jihoon liked him almost immediately,” he said, “but he’s the exception. Jihoon likes you enough, and so does Minghao. They just take a little longer to warm up to people.”

“What about Jun?”

“Jun’s looking out for you, too,” Joshua said. “He’s also a little quieter about it. But... you know that Chan likes you. So do Hansol and Seungkwan...” His thumb ran along the side of your hand. “And so do I.”

He could see a flustered smile cross your lips, and you turned your face away from him, looking to the sky instead. But you finally spoke a tiny, “Thank you,” a second later. He laughed a little, warm and vibrant, at how adorable you truly were.

“So... What else is inside that cute head?” He smiled at you, tilting his head as though it’d allow him to peer inside and see said thoughts. “Anything new?”

Your smile slowly dropped, and you let out a quiet sigh. “Nothing so far.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” he said, gently squeezing your hand. “It takes time. I think once you stop worrying about it so much, it’ll come to you.”

With another sigh, you turned back to face him again. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s easy after a while,” he said, pulling his hand free from your own. He reached for the sandwiches he’d brought the two of you, offering one up. Your fingers grazed his again when you accepted it, and he turned his attention to unwrapping it slowly. “When you’ve been here as long as some of us have... You learn to accept each day for what it is.” He went quiet, staring down at his meal.

And you watched as proud, bright, warm Joshua turned into someone... quieter. Like the volume had been slowly turned down, number by number, until his melody could barely be heard while still being there. He said nothing for a moment, just staring blankly, brows drawing together as he gathered his thoughts.

“Sometimes... I pray,” he finally said. “And I think it helps. I grew up Catholic,” he looked back up at you, “That much I remember. I remember singing in church....” He went quiet again for a moment, idly pulling at a piece of the bread. “Singing’s really important to me, actually. Sometimes I don’t know why, but it is.”

You weren’t sure what to say to someone so pensive, so quiet compared to the version you knew most days. So you opted for what you knew was true: “You’re good at it.”

A smile crossed his face, even if it didn’t fully seem to be him again. “You’re sweet,” he said at first, eyes meeting yours after a second. This time, his smile actually met his eyes. “Thank you. But you should hear Seungkwan. And Seokmin, too,” he said, taking a bite of his sandwich, as if to distract himself from whatever thoughts had washed over him before. “Jeonghan and Jihoon are talented, too,” he said after swallowing his bite, “but you really, really need to hear how Seungkwan and Seokmin sound--especially if they sing together.”

That seemed to bring back the Joshua you were most familiar with. Not that you didn’t like this quieter, more thoughtful version of him: you thought that maybe, in time, you would learn how to speak to him in moments like that. It was strange, though... He always seemed so carefree so far, most days enjoying the freedom that this life could give him. It almost felt as though he was made for it. That wasn’t to say that you didn’t think Joshua could have those quieter moments: you were sure everyone there had them--even Soonyoung, who seemed to carry the most laughter with him, or Mingyu, who’s silly, goofy nature spoke for itself most days. Yet with Joshua... It felt as though you weren’t prepared to see that side of him peek out so soon.

It was cute, though, to see the way he happily hyped up the others and their talents. Soonyoung loved to dance--as did Jun, Minghao, and Chan, and Joshua was happy to sing the praises of everyone there. He’d let you see too much of himself, too soon. Maybe when the two of you were closer (and, truly, he hoped you would be), he would confide in you the way he confided in Jeonghan. He hoped you would feel the same safety in confiding in him, too: he might not be as warm as Jeonghan seemed to be, but he wanted to give you a warm place to land if you needed it, arms wide open and ready to embrace you when you needed it.

That night, he woke up from a far too vivid dream. The memory seemed to fade away soon, slipping from his grasp as he sat forward, a hand running through his hair. He’d been somewhere... crowded and loud, making his way through throngs of people. He remembered being approached, yet the face seemed... blurry and distant. Like he should remember it, but something in his mind refused to let him make out specific features.

“Joshua?” Jeonghan quietly mumbled from beside him, sleep laced into his voice. He stifled a yawn, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. “Are you alright?”

He nodded, slowly settling back into bed as he turned onto his side. “Just had a weird dream,” he said. “Nothing bad. Don’t worry.”

Jeonghan accepted the answer easily enough, eyelids drooping shut as he snuggled back into the space next to him. He’d talk to him about it in the morning--no need to wake Jeonghan up over something so silly. He slipped back into slumber as easily as he had pulled his blanket back over him, and was left with nothing else he could remember that next morning. He made his way to breakfast with the others, stopping long enough to glance at himself in a mirror. He looked the same, so why did he feel so... Different?

He’d waved at you on his way in, and noticed your shy smile as you waved back before returning to your conversation with Seokmin. Joshua went to get a glass, his focus purely on getting a glass of water. Maybe that’d help settle him, centering him on something other than what he dreamed about last night. Seungcheol had stopped beside him, though, his own glass in hand.

“Everything okay?” He asked in a quiet voice. “I felt you jolt last night.”

“You did?” Joshua raised his eyes to meet Seungcheol’s. “Just had a weird dream. It felt... real.”

Seungcheol slowly nodded, taking in each word with care. “Like a memory?”

“I think so.” Joshua paused. Yet... The other memories never felt so vivid. Not like this. They felt real in the same sense, but what made this one feel so intense...?

He saw you again, giggling at something Seokmin had said, and he could see the way he pressed kisses into your cheek with a smile.

Well. There might be his why sitting right there. All that was left was to chase after it.

“Today, I’m going to teach you something very important.”

Joshua’s hand was holding yours as he walked alongside the river with you, more-so to guide you than his casual form of skinship. He’d invited you along with him for a small walk through nature--something he enjoyed doing on his own sometimes, but today wasn’t just leisure. He’d left you waiting in anticipation after he finally decided to break the news to you as to why he’d suddenly invited you out again barely a few days after your picnic.

“The art,” he said, with a purposeful pause to build suspense, “of living one day at a time.” He let go of your hand after a moment, slowing to a stop as he turned to you. “I think you could use it.”

He was slightly teasing you, and you could tell from the way he was smiling at you. Yet you agreed easily enough to ‘take these lessons,’ since he’d casually offered you a ‘once-in-a-lifetime deal’ when he invited you out earlier. If there was anything Joshua was good at, it was keeping you entertained. Whether that be through playing guitar or singing, or building up to moments like these... You definitely found him charming in plenty of ways.

“It’s hard,” he said, “but I learned a while back that it’s better to accept each day as they come. It helped me relax, at least--and it helped a few of the others, so I think I’m an expert now.”

Charming and cheeky. A deadly combination, in your humble opinion, but you liked Joshua’s company too much. If he would be the death of you, then c’est la vie... At least Chan would hopefully avenge you, maybe with Seungkwan and Hansol at his side.

(Not that you had any worries with Joshua: he was strong and safe in the same way the others were. The only fear you truly ever could have was of impending heartbreak, if you let yourself fall for his charms.)

Joshua drifted away from you, plucking a few flowers from the ground before he turned back to you. “There’s a lot of beauty in nature. I think I knew it before, but living here really makes you appreciate it a lot more.” He made his way over, carefully placing the flower behind your ear.

It was at this point that you realized he’d placed the other behind his own, and he smiled at the way the two of you matched now: little yellow flowers almost making it seem like the two of you were a pair. He turned, starting off talking about his own walks he goes on sometimes, enjoying the scenery even though he’s seen it an endless amount of times by now, and you followed behind him like a duckling.

Eventually, he found a spot to sit. He nodded toward the spot next to him, the corners of his lips slightly upturned as he watched you sink down into the spot next to him.

“What do you see?”

You raised a brow at him. What?

“Humor me,” he said. “Just tell me what you can see.”

So with a long exhale, you looked around, and began to list off things. The river ahead of you, stretching toward the lake at the end of this path. The trees that surrounded both of you, having reached the more wooded area. If you looked close enough, you could see fish underneath the water, scales shimmering in the sunlight that peeked through the trees. Tiny flowers dotting amongst the grass: some pink, some white... and others yellow, like the ones you and Joshua still had behind your ears.

Your eyes trailed him up. “I see you, too,” you said after a moment.

It earned a smile from him. “Well,” he said, “I see you as well. Now tell me what you can hear.”

Part of you wanted to roll your eyes. It felt like the kind of lesson you might have as a child learning about their senses for the first time, but you began to list off things nevertheless. The sound of water rushing past (and, if you listened closer, you could hear a fish leap and land in the water again), the sound of birds fluttering through the trees. Joshua’s breathing. The wind as it rustled leaves. Your own quiet breathing, too. Part of you wondered if you could hear the others, had you been close enough to home: the sound of Jun’s loud laughter, or Seungkwan ranting at something Soonyoung joked about...

And when he prompted you next, you continued on: you could smell the flowers, light and sweet on the breeze. Feel the way that the grass was poking into your skin, the feeling of the flower, weightless, behind your ear. The warm breeze as it kissed your skin. The warm feeling of his hand brushing against yours.

“That’s it,” he said in a low voice. “The art of living a day at a time.” He was smiling again, eyes twinkling. “Living in the present moment and accepting it as that. The book Wonwoo brought back called it mindfulness, but I prefer my name for it.”

You couldn’t help but smile back at him. Even if it was a mouthful... You thought you preferred his name for it, too.

The next day, you and Joshua were tasked with cooking dinner. Conversation always came easy with Joshua: even if you had moments of being unsure what to say, he could easily fill the air and keep things flowing as the two of you worked. He always seemed to use chores as a way of checking in with you, too, just to make sure you were adjusting well. He noticed how close you’d become with Seungkwan, Hansol, and Chan--although he’d noticed that a few others had a soft spot for you (namely Mingyu... and Seungcheol, but for the sake of his friendship, he’d leave his name out of it for now).

“Joshua?” You looked up from the veggies you’d been chopping for him, and he merely hummed in acknowledgement. “So... What started this whole ‘art of living one day at a time’ thing?”

He hummed to himself for a moment, mulling over the exact moment that led to it. He’d come up with the silly little name for it after he started practicing mindfulness, sure, but... “Sometimes,” he started, “I’ll get stuck in my own thoughts. It was maybe a few weeks before Jun showed up, but Cheol and Jeonghan took me out for a picnic. And--I dunno. We just sat together, just kinda observing how peaceful everything is.”

“So you had a picnic with your friends, and you started to appreciate... everything?”

Joshua nodded, not looking up from his work. “Yep. It helped.”

“Would you do that with me?”

He paused, turning to see that you’d grown more flustered at asking your question aloud. Before you could apologize and try to backtrack, he merely nodded, “Sure. I’d gladly steal you away for a picnic if you don’t mention it to anyone else.” He went back to stirring the pot, the scent of spices heavy in the air. “I like having alone time with you.”

His heart stirred at his own words, aware of what he meant: I like being the object of your attention.

Right as he went to apologize for being so forward, you spoke up, “Then you can’t tell anyone, either.“

Joshua’s eyes were shimmering as he turned to you again, sharing a smile between the two of you as he realized that maybe things weren’t so one-sided for him. “Then... We can call it a date. If you want.”

“And if I do?”

Oh. Oh. This felt... fast. “Then you can pick our spot.”

Two days later, Joshua let you take the lead, a basket and blanket in his hands as you lead the way outside. The two of you had agreed to a little picnic lunch together, to reduce any risk of someone trying to tag along with you. Everyone would be scattered now, doing their own things as Joshua let you take the lead. He could hear the sound of Seungkwan and Chan bickering in the attic as he climbed up and into the church, and the tell-tale sound of Hansol’s warm laugh at an argument that was anything but serious. The two of you had passed Mingyu and Wonwoo on your way out, and he’d seen Seokmin go searching for Jihoon with Minghao tailing alongside him. Some of the others must still be out, finishing up their chores for the day. Joshua saw Jun on the way out, making his way back inside with an empty basket from doing laundry in his arms, and merely gave him a small wave.

You guided him out and to the same shady spot he sat with you on your second day. Together, you spread the blanket out before sitting together, chatting idly for a while..

“Joshua?” You suddenly said. “Tell me what you can see.”

His eyes crinkled a little with delight. Oh, how cute of you. He began to list things in a calm, even tone: the trees that grow thicker down the path to the lake, the river that ran near the two of you (and the shimmering of scales that are easier to see now, with the sunlight hitting them), the pebbles that were pressed into the dirt. He could hear the sound of your breathing, leaves rustling, the babbling brook... And he could feel the plush fabric underneath the two of you, the warm breeze as it kissed his skin in a way he wished would be replaced by something (someone, his mind corrected) else...

And even though the two of you had moved on from that sense, he smiled as he looked at you: “And I see you.”

Over two weeks of you being there, and Joshua felt as though he’d fallen for you too quickly. Too easily. Maybe in another life, this would have taken far longer. He would have courted you the right way, with dinner dates and long walks where he had to build up the courage to ask if he could hold your hand (out of respect for you rather than insecurity for himself: not all people enjoyed the kind of casual skinship that Joshua often saw Seungkwan partake in with...well... everyone). Maybe he should have asked you on the walk back how you felt, exactly...Yet his confidence had dwindled slightly. He felt something for you, yes, but how was he to be sure that it was love?

So he’d give himself a little longer instead. Enough time to know for sure that the enamored feelings he was almost certain of were what he thought they were. Every time a new person came, there was always this honeymoon period of adoration for them. For Joshua, it was the warmth of a need to welcome and care for a new person, and he knew himself well: it’d only last a week or two, three at the most, before it became something comfortable in his chest rather than an ever present flutter that punctuated his every action. Even if his gaze would drift down to your lips (a sign, in his eyes, that this was not the normal love he felt for new people)... He needed time to be sure.

Barely into your third week of living with them, Joshua woke up to the sound of you panicking.

He was far from the first person awake, though. You had curled up across the room, happy to be in Seokmin’s warm embrace since he was feeling particularly cuddly tonight, and you’d startled several of the others closer to you. He jerked up, running a hand through his hair to comb it back to his face as he watched you panic. The others had already taken to comforting you to no success. Seokmin kept an arm around you, trying to calm you down while your words were slammed together in this endless dribble, like water from a faucet coming out all in one heavy blast. Chan had reached out, trying to take your hand and wipe your tears as you kept trying to talk about the dream you’d had. Seungkwan spoke over you plenty, alongside Minghao, as they all tried to get you to slow down and breathe. You could talk afterward, yet you didn’t seem to listen. All Joshua could tell was that you had fought with Minghao in this dream, and then you ran away and ended up hurt, terrified no one was coming for you.

He kicked off the blanket, pulling himself free from the space between Seungcheol and Jeonghan with ease. Several others had woken up at this point, too, and he could hear Seungcheol mumbling something to Jeonghan as he was roused, too. Joshua, on the other hand, was more focused on getting over to you, falling to his knees in front of you.

“Hey,” he said softly, “it’s okay. It’s okay,” he reached for your hands, and, through your tear-filled gaze, your eyes met his own. “I’m here--”

All within seconds, you’d begun to move in for comfort, and he easily pulled you into his chest. Soon enough, he had sunk down to where he was sitting, letting you sob into his shirt as he stroked your back. His head leaned against your own, eyes fluttering shut as he focused on comforting you.

“It’s okay,” he said again in that low, soothing voice, “I’m right here. Just breathe for me, darling, okay?”

As if the words finally broke through to you, this time carrying some meaning to them, you gave him a shaky nod before squeezing your eyes shut tight. Your breathing staggered, and Joshua began to take in slow, deep breaths with you. Just to make sure you didn’t feel like you were alone now. He raised his head as you kept breathing, and he looked around at the sea of concerned faces that surrounded him now. Some of them were still half asleep (Mingyu and Hansol, Joshua noticed, and maybe Soonyoung, too), but they’d gathered around. They were a community, after all. This was far from the first time someone had a bad enough dream to evoke such a strong reaction (Joshua remembered plenty of incidents right offhand), and it created this understood feeling between them all: we check on each other, and we go from there. If you didn’t want to talk, they wouldn’t force you to.

You had realized that you disturbed everyone soon enough, and already began to apologize over and over, trying to make up a good enough reason to justify getting so upset over a bad dream. Joshua gently shushed you instead.

“It’s okay,” he repeated again. “You just had a bad dream. It happens to all of us.”

Which was enough to prompt Chan into bringing up how he woke up with a scream his first week there. He couldn’t remember what the dream was anymore, but it was bad enough that the others had to calm him down, too. He thought it was something to do with his life before, but Joshua remembered what it was. Chan had dreamed that he’d been kicked out of the group because he failed them in some way. Seokmin reached over, taking your hand in his, gently running his thumb across your knuckles as he shared his own story: he fought with Mingyu early into the latter’s first days with the group, and had a bad dream a while after of the fight getting worse.

They shared their pain with you without reluctance. They were human, too, after all: they had bad dreams and bad mornings, and sometimes they’d wake up crying like this too. Joshua just cradled you to his chest the entire time, though, tracing slow circles onto your back as you listened. Despite the stories being shared, you didn’t share your own now that you were calm enough that you could get it across better. No one pushed you to, though, past Wonwoo’s gentle question of whether you wanted to talk about it more. You had shook your head, curling up closer to Joshua before saying that you felt better now, thanks to all of them. They’d all started to go back to bed, Seungkwan telling you to wake him up if you needed to talk; he would happily listen if you needed him (or the two of you could go on a walk, too, if that’d help).

Joshua gently nudged you to get your attention. “What do you want now?” He asked softly. “You wanna go back to bed? I can get you some water if you want.”

You shook your head. “Can... Can I sleep with you, actually? You holding me helps...”

The surprise of your request made him grow a little flustered. He’d always be open to cuddling with you, but for you to say something like that...

He nodded, though, and brought you back over to where he’d been sleeping. Seungcheol wordlessly shifted over to make room for you, already grabbing extra pillows and blankets to help make you as comfortable as possible. Soon enough, you were curled up in Joshua’s arms again.

Over your head, Joshua had met Jeonghan’s gaze. His eyes flickered down to you for just a moment, and Joshua...

Well. He knew what Jeonghan was trying to ask. He merely nodded, and he watched as his friend nodded in return, understanding. A moment later, he’d seen the way you shivered slightly, and Jeonghan slid a little closer to ensure that you would be warm between the two of them.

Joshua loved you. Plain and simple. And now he was sure that both Jeonghan and Seungcheol knew (as well as every other person in that room). Everyone but you, hopefully. If he was going to tell you soon (and he would, he knew he would if he thought he had a chance), he wanted to do it right. But only when you were ready for that kind of relationship with him.

(And maybe he should call it overconfidence, but... Joshua had a pretty strong feeling that you loved him back.)

As much as Joshua didn’t want to leave you the next morning, it was Mingyu who gently nudged him awake, asking in a low voice if he’d come help with breakfast. He agreed, watching you sleep for a moment longer after Mingyu left him, and he slowly untangled himself from him. When you began to stir away, he gently shushed you, pressing a kiss to your forehead as he told you to go back to sleep for a little longer. You’d ended up turning over, reaching over for Seungcheol, who barely roused before he cuddled a little closer to give you further comfort. Joshua pulled himself from his blankets, watching the wordless way that Jeonghan filled the space he was leaving, eyes meeting his for a second in a silent go on, I’ve got them.

Mingyu was already working on breakfast when Joshua came in, his conversation with Seokmin coming to a halt. The two greeted him casually enough, and Joshua was put to work soon enough.

“Josh?” Seokmin said after a few minutes, earning a glance from him. “You and Mouse...”

Joshua said nothing at first, working on. Oh. It must be obvious now, then. Is this something he’ll have to address with everyone? “We’re only friends.”

“We know,” Mingyu said. “That’s not what we’re asking.”

You don’t need me to say it out loud, Joshua wanted to say. Because they knew: everyone had to, right? Last night was just... proof that the initial affection he held for you within your first days never went away. That it merely blossomed into something stronger. Barely a few weeks into you living with them, and you’d somehow captured his heart so easily. He didn’t want to call it all-out love, because love took longer to sow. Infatuation fit better. He, for the lack of a better word between “infatuation” and “love,” liked you.. a lot.

He waited until everyone, save for you, had filed in for breakfast. They were quiet, a few whispers about you flying around the table, and Joshua... Well. Joshua wasn’t an idiot: he saw the concerned glances people kept sending him. The way no one addressed him, but kept clearly talking about him.

And then he finally spoke up, “Don’t tell them.”

No one spoke. They merely exchanged looks, all knowing at this point.

“Not now,” Joshua said. “I’ll tell them when they’re ready. I’m not putting that burden on them this soon.”

It was still tense, but Seungkwan was the one who finally looked up from his breakfast. “Joshua... I think they like you, too.”

He wanted to say something. Anything. His face grew warmer at someone actually speaking the thought aloud. He thought you did, too: but he didn’t want to define your feelings in his mind. It would set expectations on you that he wasn’t comfortable setting: if you liked him back, then he’d want to hear you say it out loud. Not now, of course, but when you were feeling better. He knew the effects of a shitty dream all too well.

Chan barely touched his food before he excused himself, saying something about taking a walk before he’d start on his share of the chores. Joshua saw the concerned look Hansol and Seungkwan shared, and the gentle nod toward where Chan had left that Seungcheol gave them: go on. The two excused themselves as well, getting up and following after him quickly.

Joshua wasn’t an idiot. He knew he wasn’t the only person who felt more for you. He knew Chan did. He thought Cheol did, too, but Joshua knew that neither would stand in your way of pursuing who you loved. Whether it be them or someone else, they would accept it and learn how to move past their feelings. Joshua would do the same, after all. He loved you and your happiness. And if you would be happier with someone else.. Then Joshua would support you wholeheartedly while he took the time to heal.

That’s what love was supposed to be, wasn’t it?

Something weighed in the pit of your stomach for most of that day. Everyone had been concerned at breakfast that morning (which, to be fair, hadn’t surprised you in the slightest), and you had waved them off. You weren’t ready to talk about your dream quite yet, not until you tried to focus on the center of it all. By some stroke of luck, you’d found Minghao painting by himself--sitting at a bare space of wall that’d only been painted green in preparation. He’d been painting a circle of blue, merely glancing up as you came closer before greeting you casually enough.

You slowly sank down next to him when he invited you to. “Um... Minghao?”

He heard the caution in your voice, and it made him lower his brush, turning to you. “Is something wrong?”

“Did... Did I do something?” You said slowly. “I mean. I don’t think I did, but--I had a dream that you were mad at me, and--and I just started overthinking and--”

“I’m not mad at you,” he said, plain and simple. For a moment, his gaze flickered past you, but before you could turn to see what he was looking at, he spoke up again. “If I was, you’d know. We’d talk about it eventually.”

Relief hit you all at once, and you let out a sigh. “Good...” You’d toyed with your sleeve, still feeling a slight nervous edge as you sat there with him. “I just... I had this dream where everyone seemed upset. But you--”

His gaze flickered up again, and then back to your face before he finally looked past you one final time. “Stop standing around and either sit with us or go.”

You turned, and Joshua had been lingering nearby. “Oh. Shua...”

“I can go--”

“No,” you said, “it’s okay. You can stay if you want. I don’t mind talking about it now.”

Joshua slowly nodded, making his way over before he sank down next to the two of you. He watched you for a moment, waiting to see if you would continue.

And soon enough, you did. “Anyway... I don’t know why everyone was upset, but you were the only one who spoke up and said whatever happened was my fault.”

Minghao furrowed his brow, looking up. “But you don’t know what happened?” When you shook your head, he continued. “I can’t say I wouldn’t be mad if something bad happened--”

“I ran away,” you said. “I don’t know why, but I just decided I’d leave for good since you all were better off before I came here.”

Joshua wasn’t sure what to say. He merely shared a concerned glance with Minghao, who, too, seemed to be at a loss for words.

“We love you,” was what Minghao said a second later, voice softer than before. “If something bad happened, we wouldn’t kick you out.”

“He’s right,” Joshua said. “We wouldn’t--”

“You didn’t,” you said. “I decided to just... Remove myself from the equation.”

That... was different, to be fair. But what could cause them all to be so upset that you felt that was the only option? To run away and live on your own instead? They were a community: no one should have to live a life of complete isolation. Seungcheol was always adamant about that after his own time alone.

“I know I wasn’t warm to you when you first came here,” Minghao said after a moment, “but I don’t want you to leave. You’re one of us now.”

With a slow nod, you let his words sink in. Us. Although you knew they’d all embraced you with open arms, letting you into this community, this family they had so lovingly come together to form... It still meant a lot to hear that you were a part of it. That they loved you.

Minghao looked back at the scene he’d been working on, pressing his lips together for a moment. “Do you have any ideas on what I should paint? I wanted to paint a pond, but...”

Joshua looked to you. “Mouse?”

“How about... ducks?” You suggested casually enough. “A little family of ducks.”

Minghao nodded after a moment, taking your suggestion into account before he began to wash his brush. “A family of ducks it is, then.”

You stood up, thanking Minghao for the talk as you went to leave him and Joshua behind. Yet Joshua rose quickly, following after you and stopping you once you were far enough to not be overheard by Minghao.

“Did you have any more bad dreams?”

You shook your head. “I didn’t. Thank you for being there, though. It felt like cuddling with you was all I needed.”

He chuckled. “Well,” he said, “all you have to do is wake me up and I’ll be there from now.“ He took your hands in his, swinging them slightly. “I always have room for you, alright?”

Your nose had crinkled when you smiled, giggling. “I’ll keep that in mind.” You slowly let go, taking a drifting step back. “Thank you, Joshua. I’ll keep it in mind.”

It was strange. Sure enough, you woke up that next night, sobbing again. It wasn’t as bad as the first time, but Chan had woken up Joshua for you when you asked him to. Instead of merely trying to soothe you back to sleep then and there, he glanced around before he gently pulled you to your feet, guiding you out of the room to make both of you a warm cup of tea. He sat next to you, watching the slow sips you’d take, cheeks still wet with tears. Despite the urge to go ahead and ask, to figure out what upset you this time, he let you have your space. The tea seemed to calm your nerves, and he merely waited for you to make the next move: if you wanted to go back to bed, he’d offer the spot next to you again. Or you could go back to Chan, who Joshua was sure was still lying awake, waiting to know if you were fine. When you finally lifted your head, meeting his gaze, you asked to talk about it.

This time, your nightmare was about Wonwoo. He’d fallen sick--really, really sick--in your nightmare. You swore you could still feel his feverish skin from when you were checking his temperature. It was almost as if he was going to die, and the thought of that had been enough to throw you out of your dreams and back into the reality you were living in. Wonwoo was okay: that was something you could see when you first woke up. Chan had stirred, asking what was wrong, and you merely asked him to get Joshua.

“If it helps... No one’s ever been that sick before,” Joshua said, his hand on top of yours. His thumb grazed the back of your hand. “And we know how to take care of each other. I’m sure Wonwoo would have been okay.”

Something about his presence seemed to calm you easier than the others did. He sat with you a little longer until your cups of tea were empty, and soon enough he’d made a space for you once more, letting you curl up in his arms again.

The same happened the next night: Mingyu had burned his hand in that dream. The next, you were lost in the forest with an injured ankle and you were scared no one would come for you. In another, your shoulder had been injured horribly... And all Joshua could do was be there for you each night. Sometimes he’d make you tea, or the two of you would go on a short walk to clear your head, but it always ended up the same: with you in Joshua’s arms, feeling safer than you had been before. He would wake up the next morning, feeling the weight of your body against his, sleeping peacefully.

(You finally gave up after that night and started sleeping next to him permanently until you worked out whatever was causing these nightmares. Not that he was complaining: he liked having you close to him.)

Seungcheol had been watching you one night after dinner, while the group was all still together, biting his bottom lip. Joshua wondered if he thought he could figure you out had he stared intensely enough, studying your entirety as much as he could from his place across the room. Yet his calling of “Mouse,” had been enough to catch your attention, followed by, “are your dreams still bothering you?”

You looked up from the puzzle you were working on with Minghao and Seokmin, a little more flustered at the outright question. “Not really...”

“Aren’t dreams a subconscious thing?” Hansol said from his spot on the couch, curled up with Jihoon next to him. “Maybe you’re just worried about something.”

“I’m not,” you said, a little too quickly in Joshua’s opinion. “I just had a string of bad dreams. It’s nothing serious.”

“Are you sure?” Seokmin frowned. “You can talk to us--”

“I’m fine,” you said, standing up. “I’m gonna go wash up for bed.”

They let you go without a fight. No need to push you now when you were already starting to get upset. Joshua merely said he’d go try to talk to you, just to make sure you were fine--even if you weren’t ready to talk. He’d found you brushing your teeth, and you’d pouted a little at the sight of him in the entryway.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you said after spitting into the sink. “Maybe tomorrow, Shua.”

He slowly drifted closer to you. “That’s okay,” he said, slowly stopping next to you. “Do you know what’s bothering you, though?”

Reluctantly, you nodded after a moment. “I think I do. But... I don’t wanna think deeply about it before bed.”

He could understand that. “As long as you aren’t bottling it up,” he said. “We love you a lot.” He reached out to brush a stray hair back into place, and his fingers lingered at your temple for a moment before he drew his hand back. “I just want you to know that.”

“I love you guys, too,” you met his gaze. “Really, Joshua. I’m okay for tonight.” You leaned in, pressing a tiny kiss against his cheek. “Just tired from doing laundry with Soonyoung and Seungkwan earlier.”

He chuckled airily, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I understand. Just don’t be afraid to tell us things, alright?”

“I won’t.” You promised. “Goodnight, Joshua.”

With you heading to bed early, Joshua... knew what he needed to do. The group was starting to disperse when he returned, and he went ahead to stop Chan before he could go with the others.

“I was thinking about going for a walk,” he said. “Do you want to join me?”

Chan shook his head. “I’m good, Shua. Thank you--”

“Chan,” he said, a little more serious this time. “I think you should.”

Chan looked toward the others, and let out a sigh, before nodding. He understood what this was, and the two of them grabbed their shoes and began to make their way outside. Once the church doors were securely closed behind them, Joshua let out a sigh and looked up to the stars overheard, twinkling in the clear, dark sky... and then he nodded out toward the river. He and Chan walked in silence at first, making their way down the hill with slow, heavy steps, neither sure how to begin this conversation.

“I really like them,” Joshua said outright. “And I know other people do, too. In the same way, I mean.”

Chan didn’t look at him at first. “I know. I was there when you asked us not to tell them how you feel.”

“I just want to clear the air,” Joshua said, “because I know you love them, too.”

Chan met his gaze, and Joshua could see something (confidence, perhaps) waver in his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it, looking away. “We’re all adults here,” he said. “I’m not going to treat either of you differently.”

“I know that,” Joshua said. “I trust you. But I don’t want any bad blood between us... and I don’t want to hurt your friendship with Mouse, either.”

With a heavy sigh, Chan shut his eyes for a moment, slowing to a stop. “As long as they’re happy, then I’m happy. I love them, Joshua, and I want them to be happy.” He shoved his hands into his pockets, turning away again to kick at a pebble along the riverside. “I’d be happy no matter who they love. It’s not like they can date all of us.”

“Can’t they?” Joshua said, only slightly teasing. “You know how we are with each other. I think if we all wanted that, we’d work it out.”

Chan’s face grew bright red, even in the low light. “Don’t say things like that!” He said, pouting, “I--I don’t want to think about it when they only like you.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I mean it, though. We’re all more than just a group of people living together, though. Who knows,” he shrugged, “maybe in another life, we’d all be something together.”

“Maybe.” Chan sounded wistful as he stared off into the distance. “But they love you.”

But they love me, Joshua repeated mentally, turning the phrase over in his mind over and over. You loved him... “I think they do--”

“I know they do.” Chan said. “It’s kind of obvious now.” He pulled his hands from his pockets, looking back to the church. The two began their return up the hill, faster this time to get back inside now that they’ve cleared the air. “Are you going to talk to Cheol, too?” He paused, “I mean... It’s obvious. Isn’t it?”

Joshua let out a warm chuckle as he pulled open the doors. It was a bit obvious that Seungcheol felt... a lot for you. “It is. I’m not sure I’ll talk to him, though.”

“Why?”

“You admitted to your feelings,” Joshua said, following Chan inside as he turned to secure the door. “Cheol is the kind of person who’d rather deny them either until his feelings are gone or until the world ends if it meant they’d be happy. He’s just going to give them up--”

“And I will.” Seungcheol stood up from his chair, making his way over. “Are you two really talking about me?” He chuckled a little at the startled expression on Chan’s face. “It’s fine, Chan. Hansol mentioned the two of you left, and I had an idea why.”

“So you decided to just wait in the dark to scare us?”

Seungcheol shrugged. “I thought it’d be funny. And it was,” he nodded toward Chan, “very funny to see his face--”

“But that’s not fair!” Chan suddenly cut in. “Cheol... It’s not fair that you have to give up your feelings.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

Chan stammered for a moment, “I--But--It’s not--” And then stopped, collecting himself. “It is, but... You give up a lot for us already.”

“They don’t love me,” Seungcheol said, plain and simple. A fact that he had long since accepted. “They love Joshua. We’re both giving up our feelings because we care about them and want to see them happy.”

Joshua felt his heart sink a little. While Joshua would have done the same for you... It felt awful to hear it said aloud, especially from someone who felt so much for you. “Cheol--”

“It’s silly,” he said. “How hard I fell and how fast it happened... But they love you, Joshua. And I know you love them, too.”

Joshua wasn’t sure what to say. “Cheol, I’m--”

“Take care of them.” Seungcheol tucked his hands into his pockets. “I know they’ll do the same.” He turned, musing aloud, “You know who to see about signing up to perform on their day...”

So Joshua nodded, already knowing what he needed to do. Chan walked ahead, following after Seungcheol. He needed to tell you soon, but... Surely, you could wait a little longer, couldn’t you? Just long enough for him to say it the way he felt he needed to. He made his way down, through the long passage until he came into the main room... Where Jihoon had been curled up, reading a book on the couch, humming to himself as he drummed his fingers against the edge. He wasn’t tired yet, but Joshua knew he wouldn’t go to his guitar until he couldn’t hold back anymore. He called out to Jihoon, already bringing up the song they’d been working on with Jeonghan and how he was going to try and finish it. He’d need help with getting it right, but...

Joshua knew how to make his feelings for you clear. Even if you couldn’t answer him in the moment, he’d sing it proudly, just so you knew where his heart fell.

Sometimes, all you had to do to find Joshua was follow the sound of a guitar being played. It always would lead you either to him or to Jihoon (or, rarely, Hansol), and once you came close enough, you’d be able to hear the soft way he mumbled his way through lyrics as he tried to figure them out. You peered around the entryway to the room he was in, watching the way he quietly worked on. He’d yet to notice you, and you watched the way his fingers moved to make each chord. Something about the way the sunlight flooded into the room and illuminated him made it feel as though you were looking in on a masterpiece. If only you could paint it--committing it to memory didn’t feel like it was enough to capture his beauty. Those soft brown locks fell into his face, eyes half-lidded as the lyrics he were working through (Should I talk to you or not? / I thought for a while...) barely audible. Was this, you wondered, what Eurydice felt when she looked upon Orpheus? Or how the stones felt when he traveled to bring her back, parting the way with ease, so moved by his song? Even if you couldn’t hear every word he sang, there was something so genuinely beautiful about how he seemed to lose himself in his music. It was similar to the way Jihoon did, too, as well as Hansol: they loved it so deeply, it was as though they were meant to sing in some way. Like music was one of their greatest loves, and it’d be cruel to abandon it completely.

Joshua looked up soon enough, though, and the music stopped as those pretty eyes softened when they saw you. “Hello, darling,” he called out, thoroughly amused that he had caught you observing him. It was just as love-filled as when he called you that during your second day there, too. “You can come in, if you want.”

As if bewitched to move from your place, you drifted across the room toward him, heart guiding you more than anything. Joshua always seemed to have room for you, no matter where he was: there was space by his side at dinner, at bedtime, or in conversations... and even now, when it was the two of you alone, he was happy to bring you in.

“Do you know how to play?” He asked, turning his attention to tuning his guitar--one of the chords must have been slightly off, since he’d kept trying to tune and retune it as he worked.

You shake your head. “Hansol offered to teach me once, actually,” you watched as he worked on, humming in acknowledgement.

“And?”

“I turned him down.”

Joshua lifted his head, this pretty, amused glimmer in his eyes. “You don’t want to spend time with Hansol?”

With a giggle, you gently bumped your shoulder into his. “Of course I do. I’d just... rather learn from someone else.”

He merely chuckled. “I see.”

Wordlessly, as he finally finished tuning the guitar, Joshua moved in closer to you so that he could reach around you. He brought in your hand to lay on the strings, the weight of it mostly on him still. His fingers are rough as they guide yours into place, and it made you wonder how long he’d been playing guitar.

“This is how you do Em...” His breath hit the back of your ear, and he paused to make sure you were pressing down the strings firmly enough. Then he strummed, and you could feel the vibrations through those strings. “Hear that?” He said, and when you looked at his face again, you could see this proud glimmer in his eyes. “And if you move your fingers to these chords,” he was already moving on, “you can get C...”

Joshua gently instructed you as he could. Em to C to G to D, always guiding your fingers and helping you keep them in place, and punctuating each with a strum to let you hear the difference.

“You’ll get better with time,” he said, “we’ll work on it.”

“So that means there’s a next time?”

He shifted away from you, returning to the position he’d been sitting in before you came. “If you want there to be one. I like spending time with you, you know.”

“Good.” You rested against his side. “I like spending time with you, too.”

He chuckled warmly. “I won’t tell Hansol you said that--”

When you whined his name, he merely laughed a little more, head tilting back as his eyes scrunched up with joy. Yet soon enough, he went back to what he was working on, no longer softly singing lyrics under his breath. He merely hummed along, trying to figure out the part he was working on.

“Y’know...” You began to toy with a stray strand of thread on your sleeve. “I talked to Cheol yesterday.”

“Mhm?”

For a moment, you weren’t sure how to bring it up. So you sucked in a quiet breath, before finally looking up to watch his face and try to gauge his reaction. “Joshua. What do you think love is like?”

He didn’t seem to hesitate. “I think it’s putting someone else’s needs before your own. Wanting to be close to them, too. Caring for them in a way that’s different than caring for other people.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but he continued to speak:

“It’s the way you make me feel,” he said outright, voice softer this time, as if someone would overhear if he said it any louder. He watched the way you went wide-eyed in response, clearly not expecting him to be so forward. “I was going to tell you differently. I mean, I still will, but--”

“You love me?”

He grew surprisingly sheepish, averting his gaze before giving you the tiniest nod. Strong, warm, outgoing Joshua had been reduced to a shy schoolboy because of one little question from you. “I think I do.”

His heart hammered in his chest, and he felt as though you could hear it from how silent the room had become.

“Oh.” It wasn’t flat. Or disappointed. It was warm, and a little confused, but he could hear the tiniest thread of joy laced into it. You gently bumped against his shoulder again. “Do you want to know how I feel?”

“I do,” he said, “but...” He met your eyes again. “Will you wait?”

... Wait? You’d thought that waiting was a little pointless when the fourteen of you were living this life together. What if things were over tomorrow? Why wait forever? Wasn’t that what Seungcheol told you, too? That you shouldn’t wait to confess to him? “Why?”

“I want to say it right,” he reached out, setting his hand over yours. “Okay? Let me sweep you off your feet.”

He didn’t expect you to laugh so warmly, so full of love at how cute he truly could be. “Okay,” you said, this teasing lift to your voice something he thought you’d gotten from hanging around him so much. “Then do it.”

Joshua set aside the guitar. He stood up, turning to you and offering his hand, and he nearly chuckled at your startled reaction.

“Wait, now?!”

“Nope,” he smiled. “You’ll just have to wait for what I have planned.” He nodded his head toward the doorway, “But I don’t want to give up alone time with you yet. Do you?”

You didn’t, either. With a smile, you accepted his hand, and happily let him lead the way. Although a few others had greeted the two of you, inviting you into a game, Joshua merely told them that the two of you had already decided to go for a walk together. Before someone could try to tag along, he’d already swept you away, happy to steal you all for himself for a bit. Not that he was the only one being greedy: you liked having Joshua all to yourself, too. The way he loosely intertwined his fingers with your own, just enough to keep your hands together but not enough to trap you with him, was sweet. Although when you tightened your grip a little, just to squeeze his hand, he wordlessly squeezed back.

And if he let go of you, just to sit in a shady spot under a tree, who were you to say no when he happily offered the empty space next to him to you?

(Even if it would later net the two of you teasing from Jeonghan when he eventually found you together, hours before dinner rolled around, comfortably sleeping hand in hand.)

Celebrations were always a highlight of having this group. Yes, there was plenty of manual labor that came first... But it would always be worth it to see someone light up, getting attention dedicated to them for a night. If he could see the way you smiled every night for the rest of his life, he’d be happy with that alone. Chan had held your hand as he brought you in, bright petals filling the air as they welcomed you into the group officially. Seungkwan had placed the flower crown upon your head, lips grazing your cheek for just a second--just as everyone else did. Joshua let his lips linger against your skin for an extra second, and found himself feeling a little greedy for doing so... and for wishing that he could steal you away again. He nodded along as Seungcheol eventually did his usual toast, and smiled at the sight of Chan with his arm around your shoulder, ever the dutiful best friend to you. It was clear that everyone there loved you. If nothing else, Joshua knew that you would be loved no matter what. And if his love for you faded into something akin to friendship, it’d still be love nonetheless.

Soonyoung, Seokmin, and Seungkwan had performed their little song and dance routine--and Joshua had beamed the entire time. Maybe it was because you eventually settled into the seat next to him, letting him drape an arm around the back of your chair and press his side against yours. He loved the sound of your laugh, so full of genuine love for the three as they performed. Jihoon performed a medley of his songs--some new, some old, but these medleys were normal for him. Even with broken leftovers of songs he could never find it in him to complete, Jihoon made a complete experience for everyone to enjoy. Even Hansol had a song to perform, incomplete yet so uniquely him. Jun’s monologue had been written by him, Minghao’s art piece unveiled in the same dramatic flair that he always did...

Joshua pressed a kiss right in front of your ear. “Wait for me,” he said, getting up, “This is for you.”

He watched the realization cross your face as he drifted away, getting a guitar as Jeonghan came to join him. He let Jeonghan introduce the song as he prepped the stage: it was something the two of them had worked on with Jihoon, yet only recently finished together. Soon, he was sitting on one stool with Jeonghan on the other, already playing. You recognized the song soon: it’d been the one he had practiced when he told you that he thought he loved you.

I’m falling for you / falling for you... / it’s too late to escape

(And Joshua, in that moment, was certain he never wanted to. Especially when he fell asleep next to you, smiling at your sleeping face and caressing the white rose that Jeonghan had painted onto your skin.)

The song had been part one. Part two began the next day, before most of the others were asleep. He’d departed from your side early--not early enough to beat the others, but early enough that you were still comfortable in your bed. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, already moving to make his plans. He’d be making dinner with Seokmin and Mingyu tonight, and that meant he could get everything ready without looking too obvious.

It would be hard to avoid you for most of the day, but the others were a welcome help. Jeonghan would point you to him when the time came, but Seungkwan, Hansol, and Chan had been tasked with distracting you for the rest of the day. That meant staying away from the garden once chores were over, and letting him take the time to make everything perfect. From the string lights that Seungkwan had found for him to the plush blanket he spread out onto the ground... He had to make this perfect.

Seungcheol had found him while he was working. “You’re telling them, right?”

He smiled. “Is it so wrong to make it romantic?”

“No,” he said, leaning against a tree. “Like I told you... Take care of them.”

“I will--”

Yet he had let out a loud, long sigh. “Seriously... They’ve been staring at you for the past few days. How can you not say something sooner? I think I’d break if they looked at me like that.”

Joshua felt the opposite, actually: Seungcheol was in love with the group. It’d take a miracle for him to tell you how he felt, and even then... He’d probably take a thousand years to do it, too. Not when it made him look as though he was playing favorites. Joshua wondered, for a moment, if that was why Seungcheol seemed so okay to give up his love for you. To let you be happy with someone else. He pushed the thought away: maybe, in another world, Seungcheol wouldn’t have to struggle with his feelings... It made Joshua feel guilty, for a moment. But he reminded himself what they both knew: you loved Joshua.

(In another world, if you loved everyone alongside him... Joshua thought he could live with that. He loved everyone else, too, after all.)

He returned inside to bring out the picnic dinner, dessert packed as well in the form of sliced fruit. Especially strawberries, which he had carefully cut the tops off of and sliced in half. It was a simple enough gesture, but one he hoped you would love.

And when you finally came to him, you laughed. “Seungkwan refused to let me leave him until Chan finally told me what was going on.”

Joshua had been sitting on the blanket, but he rose to his feet, hands outstretched for you. “Does that mean you wanted to see me?”

“Silly...” You placed your hands in his. “I’ve been dying to talk to you all day.” With ease, you slipped your fingers in-between his. “About the two of us.”

“Does that mean there is a ‘two of us?’”

He could see you grow flustered, averting your gaze for a moment as you pressed your lip together. “What do you want?”

Joshua began to lower himself down, bringing you with him to sit together. He let go just long enough to push things aside, scooting forward so that he could be closer to you. He gently took your hands in his again, squeezing them as he gathered his courage to say what he needed to say. He knew he felt something for you, that you felt something for him, and yet saying it out loud was scarier. It made it more real.

“I want us.” He ran his thumbs over your knuckles. “I want to love you while we have the chance. I’ve thought a lot about it, and... I don’t know what brought us here. I-I don’t know what brought you to me,” he squeezed your hands, “and I’m okay with whatever it is, no matter what it is. Because you’re here,” he reached forward, fingers curving around your cheek, “and I’m with you. And... And I think that’s where we’re supposed to be.”

“Joshua--”

“I love you.” His heart was racing as he said it. The words felt at home in his mouth. “And it’s okay if you can’t say it back. But... I think I’m yours if you want me to be--”

You’d lunged forward, kissing him hard and nearly sending him toppling back. His hands fly to steady you, and he shut his eyes as he kissed you back. You threaded a hand through his hair, the other cupping his cheek as you smiled into this kiss. Deep down, there was a tiny urge to just lean back. To let you take over and kiss him and... more, if you wanted it. He let his mind go blank for a moment, savoring how soft your lips felt against his own... And then he remembered.

“I,” he said as he gently pushed you back, smiling. His hair was a little messier now. “I made us dinner. And as much as I want to kiss you again...” He cupped your face, “I don’t want it going to waste.”

It earned a giggle from you, and you pecked him on the lips one quick, final time for now. “Right,” you said, leaning away. “We have time.”

That the two of you did. He’d already begun talking about how he’d been working on this earlier with the others, just to make something that would hopefully taste delicious. The others would be leaving you alone tonight, which was ideal. He wanted to be the sole object of your affections tonight and tomorrow and every day that came after, if you’d let him.

“Maybe that makes me selfish,” he said, drawing you in once more, “I can’t keep stealing you away forever, after all...”

Yet your lips slanted against his, and it made him feel free. Maybe he was never the one stealing you away. After all.. You’d stolen his heart within days of coming here. How could he steal you when he was always yours? He’d have to learn how to share you with the others again, the tiny need to keep you close to him building inside him. Just to link you to one another, like puzzle pieces that have fallen into place...

Truthfully, as long as you stood side by side with him in life... He would be happy no matter where you were. Alone or with the others, all he knew was that he wanted you with him until the end.

general taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @cinnamoroxie [unable to tag?] @cherryredcheol [unable to tag?] @gyulbabie

under the sun taglist: @shiningstar-byulxx @twogyuu @strawberri-uyu @bbmyungho @thedeeppoet @heeseung-lover686 @jeonncafe @bfwonu @fifty-shades-of-mischeif @blackwhiteandshadesofgradient @dreamhannies @yourfavoritefreakyhan @amethyistheart @jeonnyread @nap-of-a-starr @anidolecalledaoife [unable to tag?] @vernxnsfool

#wooahaes.fic #wooahaes.uts #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #joshua x reader #joshua hong x reader #joshua x you

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melodich4n · 1 month ago

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I have an absurd HC about certain games I feel like with a passion Caesar Clown would love if he ever got to even put his hands on the games either for the concept it centers on like DEATH Or for more in depth reasons from genre to scenery, and sci-fi elements that would intrigue a man like Caesar.

I can see him loving the following games listed and why:

Franbow,

More for its psychological horror in narrative and artistic choice that I see Caesar taking the enjoyment. Along it makes you think, and put together items and figure puzzle-like tasks to get through levels/segments of the story that is very narrative driven that would keep him very deep to play it fully. In more detail knowing being someone who played the game myself plenty of times before. The timeline Franbow takes place is in the 1940s. Which depicts the very depressing reality of mental illness and the lifestyle of how children grew up in them. Along how it goes through this canon of *The Five Realms of Essential Existence*. He'd eat that shit up. Also because of the gore, lots of death. Like seriously the very fucking opening slaps you right off the bat with its jump into the narrative. I see him also enjoying Miss Unfortunate, the same developers of Franbow too for its more dark witty humor and twist in the story he'd find it amusing for a one shot experience. I see him enjoying Franbow more though as mentioned reasoning.

Fallout 1, 2, 3 tactics, bhos, NV,

I'm pushing for NV, but it stays because it has a lot of DLC I definitely would see him enjoying. But anything like 4 and 76, or the mobile Fallout game are out of his interest for being more adventurous and the atmosphere that the older games had, being more dreadful with fallout's usual depicted storyline and emotional given storyline of humanity barely surviving the remains of a once thriving society that plummeted into war is what would not have him into those games unlike the ones mentioned instead. Also because Caesar wouldn't really take mobile games like the Fallout Shelter because it's more tediously *grinding* and waiting and he would be preferably doing something more gruesome with its entertainment. Fallout as a franchise provides a lot of ideas that Caesar himself has done somewhat or most definitely.... Or would open new thoughts and ironically a sense of even inspiration because I do take this idea that he'd enjoy things like the Vault lore and the whole pre-war segment canon. And as much as I don't see him into Politics the politics in fallout are always something that I take interesting because of how it went with it and the end of the world feel and war driven mongering American purist themes it has. He'd definitely perhaps be the kind to max out his character in charisma and be a speech build guy who'd take in ED-E as his companion as one for also the quests that follow with "ED-E my Beloved" With Veronica to continue any BHOS quests (maybe). Despite her annoyance at first for my own use of Veronica. She is a tank, and I see Caesar using companions like a pussy he is too- though funny enough. Caesar would be too annoyed with Cassidy for her whole BS reputation triggered opinion for you as the player. He'd get that fucking BLOODY MESS perk as soon as he ever sees and can achieve it just for the endless nonstop every kill animation one can get to feel the immense pleasurable enjoyment of killing literally everything in sight like it's the forth of July with how literally 99.9% of all kills result in an explosion of guts. Also makes up for comedic kill times too.

Haven't played too much though of 1 and 2 (Yes. I have, but to say I did everything? No. Far from it. It's a play style I'm not used to but I did take my shot to say Caesar though would enjoy the older game click to move and see the grim feelings of what older fallout offers. Also because it's still full of its own story. Something that I am familiar with to say this myself.

The GAME Adaption of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream,

A click and scroll game. Very old style. The voice acting, the game's forward story, being it is an adaptation based from yours truly of Harlan Ellison's book of the same name. The very simple nature but intriguing manner the game took to depict AM like for an experience for gamers. Yeah. It's a peak game. He'd take the character AM interesting, and take each storyline that the 5 humans have with a thought that lingers a good while. It would make him ponder a bit.

BioShock 1&2,

I'm not including infinite. Caesar would not be as interested in the story Infinite has, and be more so put off by it for its Multiverse twist, and the plot holes given with the DLC it brings (Burial at Sea). Yet step aside that and back to 1&2, Caesar would've loved to have been in a place like Rapture. A place where scientists and creative geniuses alike that can get away from the government, and especially away all those who try to "say" what is and isn't fine to work with for the name of scientific discovery. He'd enjoy this place. Especially because it's not just stuck for that but full of musicians and artists. There's a place down there just for Caesar to spend his days outside his work and it's Eve's Garden down at Fort Frolic. That dirty manwhore. If only he could be his personal paradise. Though he'd lovingly keep his DF and not use the Adam *unless* SPECIFICALLY he had one for something like a youth Gene-tonic addition.

Yet to play the game itself forwardly. He'd have a blast and enjoy the story that comes with it. Only daydreaming away why he can't be in a place like prime Rapture when he heard of it 😔...

An honorable mention would be Bloodborne. The atmosphere and themes are there but the gameplay style would make Caesar want to shoot himself in the head in anger. I had set my case after seeing a friend of mine play it and. Yeah. Def not Caesar Clown gameplay mechanic approved.

Doom 2016 and Doom Eternal would also be an honorable mention. He'd love its bloody action pack violence but not be so into the whole lore aspect of the games. He's into the visual death aspect that the game gives you.

Don't escape franchise, I think its atmosphere brings something he'd enjoy.

That's all I got today. Personally. I could make a revamp eventually. I just wanted to post something after having the flu and taking a small break.

#caesar clown #headcanon #rambling

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teenwolftuesdaytrash · 1 year ago

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A Not-Fic - Shared Pregnancies and Losses

Imagine this.

Derek grew up really close with his uncle Peter so they're more brothers than uncle and nephew.

When Derek's in his mid-twenties, Peter's in his thirties and they're both happily in love with two great alphas, not yet mated, but have been in a relationship for a while now.

They also find out that they're pregnant, at the same time. Both unplanned, but not unwelcome.

The family is happy. Talia is...befuddled about the situation but also happy for her brother and son. Stiles is nervous and ecstatic about the baby while also weirded out and amused about the whole situation with Peter.

Because he likes Peter, he likes that Derek has someone he trusts so much and that his mate can have that same person be there for him while they go through this unexpected turn of events. But also Stiles thinks Peter is weird as fuck, and sketchier than Derek realizes. usual Stiles-Peter dynamic really.

(What's funny about this is since Peter and Derek are so close and hang out quite frequently, their heats have synced? and that's why they're pregnant at the same time. And that's why everyone is kinda what-the-fuck-ed by the situation)

Things take an angsty turn on the 9-week mark

Peter and his partner go in for their check-up (him and Derek scheduled theirs together, duh) but Stiles and Derek are late.

After being seen by the doctor, Peter asks the nurse about his nephew and she informs them that Derek and Stiles cancelled for the day.

He later finds out that Derek miscarried.

The Hale family is put in a weird position after.

Derek withdraws from his uncle a little. With some encouragement from Stiles, he does sit down with Peter first to tell his uncle that it's not that he hates him now. He just needs a bit of space from anything pregnancy related.

Peter is a little hurt, but he understands.

They settle into a new normal, where Peter tries to enjoy his pregnancy while missing his nephew, Derek tries to be as supportive as he can while trying not to be resentful of his uncle, and the Hales try to balance celebrating Peter's baby while helping Derek grieve his loss.

On a follow-up check up with his OB, Derek's doctor informs him and Stiles that everything is okay with Derek. And if they should want to try again and Derek feels ready, they could.

Stiles thanks the doctor and drives them home. Derek has a very dumb idea.

Three months later, Derek gets his heat again. Stiles helps him through it under the impression that Derek's using birth control considering what they just went through. Derek neither confirms or denies this assumption.

When Peter is 31 weeks along, Derek finds out he's pregnant again. He doesn't tell Stiles.

A week later, Derek loses it again. He almost doesn't tell Stiles, but Stiles finds out and brings him to the hospital.

The morning after that, after Stiles made Derek sleep on their bed alone out of anger and a sense of betrayal, the two have a long talk.

Stiles tells Derek he couldn't do something like that again, trying to get pregnant without Stiles' consent. He can't do that again, not if he still wants to be in a relationship with Stiles.

Derek apologises, and they agree that Derek will use protection during his next heat which should come again in 3 months.

A couple of months pass by, Peter's baby comes along perfectly healthy. Derek somewhat recovers, enough so that he's there when his favourite uncle gives birth.

Peter is grateful. Everyone is in love with Peter Jr. Maybe Derek a little more than most.

Despite his age, Peter is a first time parent. With his parents no longer around and his mate estranged from their folks, he feels a little on his own. So when Derek drops by to ask if he can hang out and see the baby, Peter is, once again, grateful.

Helping his uncle adjust to being a parent helps Derek rekindle the bond he had with Peter. It also helps ease the longing he feels for his own baby, which he should have welcomed at the same time as Peter did.

Another side effect Derek doesn't anticipate though is having his heat thrown off schedule.

All that baby exposure makes his hormones go a little crazy, and Derek doesn't realise it when he has a mini-heat a little earlier than scheduled.

Stiles also doesn't realise that that one night of crazy hot sex he has with his boyfriend was him helping said boyfriend through a mini-but-just-as-effective heat.

When Peter's baby turns 4 months old, Derek finds out he's 10 weeks along when he goes in to see his OB after worrying over missing his heat.

Derek is scared this time, and he calls Stiles right away.

He relays what the doctor told him, about hormones, and babies, and mini-heats, and he didn't mean to do it this time, he really didn't.

Stiles believes him, thankfully. When Stiles gets home, they talk about what this could mean.

Derek expresses how he's scared, but he also can't help but be a little hopeful. Stiles wants to feel the same way, but he can only worry about what another miscarriage would do to his mate.

Just a couple of days shy of hitting the 12 week mark, Stiles finds out the answer.

Derek doesn't cry as loudly and ask the doctors question after question like the first time.

He doesn't try to hide it from Stiles like the second time.

The third time Derek miscarries, Stiles' dad, the sheriff, drives them to the hospital. When Derek is discharged, he's also the one who drives them home. Stiles cries all the way, Derek holds him, crying just as earnestly but much more quietly.

The next heat Derek has, they're both much more careful about protection. Derek doesn't get pregnant then.

The same goes for the next one.

The one after that is delayed. Derek gets the flu. Nothing too serious, but it leaves Derek's body so weak, his heat doesn't come on until after two weeks past schedule.

He takes his birth control shot, but just as he feels the heat come on, strongly and suddenly. He hopes the shot works, a nagging feeling tells him it won't.

Four weeks later, Stiles comes home to find Derek having a panic attack in their bathroom, a pregnancy test thrown across the floor. When he looks at it, there are two more on the sink.

After Stiles calms Derek down, Derek asks him if they could just ignore it. For the meantime. He tells Stiles he just needs time to figure out how to feel about it.

Of course Stiles says yes.

They don't talk about it, but of course it's all they think about.

Stiles braces himself for another miscarriage, for having to take care of Derek after that, while also researching all the ways to avoid a miscarriage, what food to eat, what food not to eat, any vitamins he should get Derek, he even dabbles into holistic shit.

Derek is caught between just waiting for the cramping and the bleeding again, and secretly telling himself that if he just ignores it, if he doesn't make a big deal out of it, if he doesn't hope, maybe he'll get to keep it.

They don't say anything to anyone. Not to either of their parents, families, friends. Derek doesn't even tell Peter, especially doesn't tell Peter.

To make sure Peter doesn't suspect anything, he keeps up his babysitting duties, he goes to visit Peter Jr. and hang out with his uncle even if it only makes him more anxious about his current state, so much so he feels like throwing up every second he spends with Peter and his baby cousin.

Unfortunately, it's during a Peter Jr. visit when what Stiles and Derek fear most happen.

Derek was leaving, Stiles waiting for him at Peter's driveway, when Peter calls him from the doorway. There's blood on the backside of his pants, Peter tells him, brows furrowed in concern.

Derek has a moment of feeling his gut sinking. Stiles rushes to him, turning him around to check.

And there it is, a spot of blood on Derek's pants.

Derek sort of doesn't move. He freezes, lets Stiles rush him to the car.

Peter tags along, yelling at his mate who just got home to watch over the baby, it's an emergency.

The three of them take the familiar trip to the hospital.

They get to the ER. Derek is seen to. Then they wait, the three of them.

Derek on the bed, checked out, staring into nowhere, face shut down.

Stiles on the chair beside him, holding his hand.

Peter stands by the corner of the curtain separating them from everyone, worriedly watching his nephew.

A nurse comes in informing them that Derek's OB isn't in at the moment so another doctor will be coming in to give them news in a few moments.

The unfamiliar OB comes in.

He's relaxed, is the first thing Peter takes note of. That must mean good news. Peter's not wrong.

The doctor smiles at them, and tells them that everything's fine. There's nothing to worry about. It's just a bit of spotting which is normal especially in the first trimester. So is a bit of light cramping.

He advises Derek to rest the following day and notify him if the bleeding gets worse. But other than that, everything's fine.

Peter and Stiles breathe a sigh of relief, Stiles only a bit more felt than Peter.

Before he lets the doctor go though, Stiles brings up their history of miscarriages. Which shocks Peter, because the family was only aware of the first one.

The doctor tells Stiles that if it will put them more at ease, they could have Derek stay the night.

Stiles asks Derek what he thinks, and that's the only time they notice that Derek wasn't paying attention the whole time.

"Der? Derek, hey."

"Huh?"

"The doctor says we can stay the night if you want to. Just to make sure."

"Why?"

"To make sure everything's fine, babe." Stiles repeats.

"What's the point?" Derek looks at him, blank-faced. "It's gone."

Stiles and Peter look at each other.

The doctor repeats that the baby's fine. And Derek looks at the doctor like he's an alien.

"Oh." is all Derek says.

Stiles asks for a moment with his boyfriend after that. He asks Derek again if he wants to stay the night in the hospital. Stiles expresses that he thinks it's a good idea.

Derek wonders what's the point. He's just going to lose it again, they all know it, and he says as much.

Stiles looks at him, stricken. "Don't say that. You don't know that."

Derek looks at him tiredly in return. "What's that thing you say? Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern."

Stiles doesn't know how to respond.

Thankfully, that's when Peter steps back in from listening behind the curtain. "If you don't try," he tells Derek, trying to get through to his nephew's blank stare, "you'll regret it."

Derek looks at his uncle for a long while. He doesn't look any more convinced, but he agrees to get checked in.

The three of them spend a long night in the hospital, Peter refusing to leave Derek.

Derek's the only one of them who sleeps.

He still doesn't understand what's the point. He's sure now that he'll lose the baby. He's even morbidly hoping he just loses it that night so they won't have to drive back to the hospital.

When morning comes and the nurse gives them the all clear, all smiles and cheer. The haze in Derek's mind clears somewhat, making way for agitation.

He can see the relief in Stiles' eyes and the reassuring smile on Peter's face, and Derek finds himself getting more upset.

Their doctor comes in. When Stiles starts setting an appointment for the following week, Derek has it.

"Stop it," he says, quietly at first.

Stiles doesn't hear him and tries to work out a schedule for Wednesday.

"Stop it," Derek tries again, a bit louder this time. Only Peter hears him.

Stiles has a meeting on Wednesday and starts checking Saturday.

Derek throws the stupid stuffed bear the nurse left for him on his bedside table. "I said STOP IT," he yells.

Stiles stops talking, looking at Derek in shock.

Peter quietly leads the doctor out of the room.

Stiles ignores the teddy bear, joining Derek on the bed. Derek doesn't realise he's crying until Stiles wipes his cheek with the end of his sleeve.

Stiles holds his hand and gently commands him to, "Talk to me."

Derek shakes his head, really getting into the thick of the tears now.

"What's the point," he asks again, sobbing, "I'm going to lose it. I'm just gonna lose it again, Stiles. What's the point?"

All the planning, the relief, the wondering, and the hoping.

"I can't do it. I can't do this, Stiles. I can't!"

Stiles wants to pull Derek in and just agree. But he resists the urge, and settles for holding Derek's hand. "What do you want to do?"

Derek bites his lips and looks down in shame.

"Derek." Stiles persists. "What do you want to do?"

Do you want to terminate? Stiles doesn't ask, but Derek hears all the same.

"You tell me what you want to do, Der," Stiles pushes on, leaning close and speaking softly, "And that's what we'll do."

When all Derek does in reply is cry harder, Stiles asks the more difficult question.

"Do you want this baby?"

And Derek cries impossibly harder still after that.

Because that was the thing, wasn't it? All this time, since having that panic attack after getting those positive test results, Derek's been living in denial.

He hasn't even entertained the idea that there is a baby to be wanted.

All he has is a possibility, a chance that didn't even have the best of odds. That's what he's been telling himself. Because a chance, that's easy to lose. A chance, he can just let go.

A baby though?

A baby that he could want? A baby that he could have? A baby that he might, probably will lose? Again?

"Fuck!" Derek chokes out in between sobs.

Stiles pulls him in then, holding him tight.

Later that day, when they've all gone home, Peter to his, Stiles and Derek to theirs, Derek admits to one more thing.

They're lying in their bed face to face, seeking comfort from each other. Stiles is holding his hand, and Derek holds Stiles' right back even tighter because he's desperately trying not to put his hand on his belly.

When Derek thinks he can speak without his voice breaking, he confesses.

"I'm scared," his voice still breaks, "Stiles…"

And Stiles, who knows he can't promise that there's nothing to be scared of, racks his brain for what best to say, desperate to comfort his omega. He settles for this.

"We have to try. Whatever happens, I'll be right here. But we have to try, okay?"

Derek agrees.

Moving forward from there, Derek finally successfully gets past the first and second trimester, but he can't enjoy his pregnancy. He's just so scared that he's still going to lose the baby.

The doctor reassures him that everything's fine every time he has a check up, but it's not enough. And it's just this constant battle in his head where he's either consumed by his fears, or filled with regret because he's depriving his baby of the chance to be celebrated and welcomed into the world happily, like his Uncle Peter did for Peter Jr.

Of course Derek has more or less a picture perfect pregnancy. Everything goes well during the birth, too, despite things not going to plan and Derek ending up having a home birth instead of the hospital-based one he carefully crafted out on his birthing plan.

#sterek #stiles stilinski #derek hale #peter hale #good peter hale #mpreg #angst #mpreg!derek #pregnant derek hale #drabble #miscarriage

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swiftiefirefighters · 6 days ago

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2024 fic roundup!

I got tagged to do this by @cal-daisies-and-briars and @inell!

This year I wrote 16 fics, with a total word count of 67,200! I didn't write anything until May because I was sort of between fandoms at the beginning of the year until I started watching 911, so we'll start with May! *ed fics are my personal favorites!

If you haven't read my stuff, hopefully you'll see something that interests you!

May

no one's ever had me (not like you)

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Teacher!Buck with Daniel Lives!

This was my first work in this fandom, and it was fun, and I still like it but I think that I definitely got a better hold on the characters as I went on. Re-reading a bit ago I could definitely tell I was still trying to figure out exactly how to find their voices.

Summary: “Uhm, excuse me? Excuse - “ Evan turns to find a man - a very very attractive man - in a faded army t-shirt and sunglasses shielding his eyes standing in front of him. Evan is so distracted by the man’s arms that he nearly doesn’t see that he actually does have a kid with him. “Hi, can you help me?”

“Uh - “ Evan feels stupid. Maybe his parents were right about him and he’s just really dumb. He doesn’t even remember what he’s doing here. “Uh, yes. That’s my…job? Yes, that’s what I’m here for.”

-or-

an au where Daniel didn't die, and eventually Buck became a teacher. Chris' teacher, to be exact.

June

as the decade would play us for fools *

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Army Buddies AU

This is my most popular fic of the year and in the fandom. It's my second most kudo-ed fic of all time. I really love it, and it's hard to believe it was only my second 911/buddie fic. I'm so proud of it, and I'm really really glad that other people in fandom seem to love it!

Summary: “Don’t look, Buck, but I think you might have some competition.” Chim sounds way too amused for his own good.

Buck’s eyes settled onto the naked, beautiful, toned torso of a man. Buck is really good at schooling his face until his eyes slide up to the new recruit’s face and suddenly the jealousy and tension fades away.

“Diaz!?” Buck’s already walking towards the locker room when Eddie looks up. The shocked surprise on his face is evident. And, well.

;or

Buck and Eddie met in basic training. Buck hasn't seen Eddie since the day he left the army, but he's never forgotten him.

think i really want this (i'm not even kidding)

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Buck adopts a baby AU

This was the fic I wrote for my partner, @itsabeenado's birthday. It was a lot of fun to just play with Buck as a Dad. I got the idea and had to write it. I also used elements from Ted Lasso's anonymous dating app plot because that was just fun. Also Shannon is alive because I can do that if I want.

Summary: He’d deleted all of his dating apps when he adopted Camille but this feels different. Maybe if nothing else he can find some other single parents to commiserate about how hard it is. Buck knows he chose this life, but it would be nice to have someone who didn’t remind him of that every time he was sad he couldn’t go out with the team because there wasn’t another person at home to pick up parenting duties for a couple of hours. It might be nice to have friends who get how hard being a single parent is.

;or

Buck adopts a baby girl, meets Eddie Diaz, and makes a friend. Somewhere along the way he falls in love.

July

pauses, then says you're my best friend (you knew what it was) *

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Twitter fic; SWIFTIE FIREFIGHTERS ORIGIN STORY

I'm not gonna lie this is probably an OOC mess but it was fun and silly and I'm a swiftie so I wanted to make my boys swifties and challenge myself to tell a story in this way. I love sm aus and boy I found it *so* hard to tell a story without narrative. I have so much respect for people who specialize in epistolary story telling. Also I fucking love the OCs I created for this fic. They were so much fun and I really want to write a sequel some day so I can play with them again.

Summary: bbuckley: well chim got called into work because SOMEONE – @ragingravi – got food poisoning last night so now maddie can’t come to taylor

bbuckley: it’s okay i just pouted at @ediaz118 until he agreed to come

ediaz118: god help me i have lost control of my ability to say no to @bbuckley

or;

buck drags eddie to a taylor swift concert. wackiness ensues.

the sign on your heart says it's still reserved for me

Buck/Eddie; Gen Audiences; Prompt Fill

What it says on the tin. Cute little prompt fill about coming out to Chris.

Summary: “Do you think he was really okay with it?” Buck wipes his hands over his jeans. “Like, I know he likes me. We hang out all the time! It’s just - “

“Are you really asking if Chris is okay with us dating? I can’t believe you ever thought there was a chance he might not be, Buck.”

and the way you keep the world at bay for me *

Buck/Eddie; Gen Audiences; Prompt Fill

BIRTHMARK KISSING.

Summary: “It’s, uh. A birthmark. No one hit me.” Most people would think he says it in good humor, and mostly he does, but Eddie knows Buck well enough to detect the hint of annoyance there - the slight whisper of insecurity.

“You know, my dad is one of the best dermatologists in LA. He works on the Kardashians.” She giggles. “I bet he could fix that for you. I’ll tell him you saved my life.”

gimme something that'll haunt me when you're not around

BuddieTommy; General Audiences; Prompt Fill

Cute little fic about Tommy and Buck taking Eddie on a date.

Summary: “You know, it’s okay if you need Eddie, too. I won’t be jealous. It’s not like I haven’t always known - “

“Known what!?”

“That you and Eddie are important to each other.” Tommy sounds like he’s being careful with his words, and it makes Buck feel a buzzing under his skin, like Tommy’s seeing something he doesn’t want seen, not even by himself.

“He’s my best friend.”

or-

tommy takes buck and eddie on a date. it just takes buck a minute.

August

i choose you and me, religiously

Buck/Eddie (Buck/Tommy Break-Up); Mature; Cheating-Ish Fic.

IDK, man. Y'all know I love Tommy and Buck/Tommy. But I got real obsessed with this song and I wanted to kind of write a fic based onto it. No Tommy Bashing. Also I wrote this on a fucking airplane from San Diego to Dallas. That's all.

Summary: “Are you going to stand in the doorway or follow me to the kitchen?”

“Oh right, yeah. Kitchen.” Buck reminds himself he has a boyfriend. A boyfriend that really cares about him and is also very attractive. With a lot of muscles and can lift him off the ground in one move. Eddie is his best friend.

Buck is really, really, a lot more drunk than he initially thought.

He stands at the counter while Eddie gets him a glass of water and sits it in front of him.

“Why did you come here?” Eddie smiles, big bright brown eyes and soft smile.

“I don’t know. Just thought I hadn’t been over in a while. I wanted to see you.”

;or

Buck has a boyfriend but he can't stop thinking about his best friend.

and you'll say lets run away now

Buck/Eddie (Buck/Taylor Break-Up); Teen; Eddie Does Not Hold His Peace

Again, I just wanted to write a fic based on Speak Now because it's a fun little song. I didn't want to break up Buck and Tommy again, though, so I used Buck and Taylor.

Summary: His job today is to stand up with Buck and be happy for him. To hand him the ring when Bobby asks him to - because of course Bobby is performing the ceremony. Eddie knows he’s not the only one who thinks this is a bad idea. He couldn’t be, right?

Buck and Taylor shouldn’t be getting married.

or -

Eddie is around when they say speak now (or something like it)

if our love starts to grow out of control

BuddieTommy; Mature; Buck and Eddie get married in Vegas. Tommy thinks it's funny.

This was actually the first idea I ever got in this fandom, but I could never quite get what I wanted out of it. I decided to post it as a wip and this is why I don't ever write wips. IDK if anything will ever come of it, but it works decent as a little one-shot too, I guess. I hope I do manage to come back to it some day though.

Summary: “Come on. I’m on shift practically all weekend. Why don’t you and Eddie take a boys trip to Vegas? You could probably both use the distraction.”

“You wouldn’t want to fly us there, would you?”

“Can’t, sorry.” Tommy laughs to himself. “Honestly, I probably would if I didn’t have to be on call in the morning. Go on, have a road trip, eat some fast food, and do something crazy with your best friend.”

or;

Tommy suggests Buck and Eddie get away for the weekend and do something crazy. And, well, they end up married.

so honey hold my hand like you're making me wait for it

BuddieTommy; Teen; Popstar Buck, Firefighter Eddie, and Bodyguard Tommy

This is another one that I have a wide amount of backstory in my head for and eventually wanted to do more with. It works as a little one shot but. Sigh.

Summary: “Did you make it into the venue alright?”

Buck looks up at Eddie, much to his make up artists’ annoyance. He’s got to be on stage in twenty minutes, and he hasn’t seen his boyfriend in months. The long distance of telephones and facetime, or if it’s a really busy day for one of them, text have been the only thing holding them together since Buck had left for his long tour.

He never regretted his career choice until he met Eddie Diaz.

or,

Buck is a popstar. Eddie is his boyfriend. Tommy saves their lives. A lot.

September

now i found myself this kinda love (i can't believe it)

Buck/Tommy; Teen; Photographer Buck AU

I really just wanted to write a Buck/Tommy fic because I hadn't yet, and this was a fun little AU idea I got and I couldn't help myself.

Summary: “Evan Buckley. I’m the photographer for the shoot.” He holds out his hand, but Tommy is distracted by his - quite honestly ridiculous blue eyes and it takes him way too long to shake his head out of it and extend his own hand.

“I’m Eddie, in case anyone was wondering.” The other guy - Mr. 118, Eddie - supplies, voice laced with humor.

“I know your name, asshole.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Eddie.” He clears his throat. “And, uh. Evan. It’s nice to meet you.”

;or

Evan is the photographer for the LAFD firefighter calendar, and Tommy is Mr. June.

October

time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires *

Buck/Eddie; Teen; Tis the Damn Season AU

THIS FIC!!!! This fic nearly murdered me. At one point I thought it was going to be like 10 chapters and 100k or something and I really had to real myself in and tell the story in a soft and simple way. But I have so many different parts in my head. I know their whole backstory. I know their future. I know so many little details. I think I lived with this fic in my mind in some capacity for months and I breathed it by the time I actually wrote it. I'm proud of how it ultimately came out, though. Once again, Shannon is alive.

Summary: “I’m in El Paso.” Buck fumbles with the hem of his t-shirt, nervously. It’s so annoying that he hasn’t just let himself turn up to Eddie’s parents, asking where he can find Eddie. Helena had always loved him. She wouldn’t question his presence even a little bit. She would probably give him a big hug and invite him in for coffee. He’s just not sure he has that right or place in Eddie’s life anymore.

After all, he was the one who’d taken off.

“You’re - “ There’s a long pause on the other end of the line and then Buck hears the click of a door. “You’re here?”

“Yeah, I had to get out of LA. I was feeling a little suffocated and a lot lost. I’m at my parents’ house.”

;or Buck, Shannon, and Eddie were best friends in high school until it got messy. Buck left the day of their wedding, but now he's injured and he can't go back to work and he just needs to get out of la, so he goes back to his home town.

December

don't love you yet but probably will

BuddieTommy; Teen; Established Buddie

For the BuddieTommy Daily Holiday Exchange! A fun little fic where Buddie are established and bring Tommy in.

Summary: “Whoa, whoa.” Eddie blinks when they walk into the hangar. He hasn’t seen Tommy Kinard in years and now here he is, about to fly them into a fucking hurricane, and apparently he used to be with the 118. There’s a lot of thoughts swirling through Eddie’s mind right now. “Kinard?”

or;

Eddie and Tommy were in the army together, and now here he is, flying them into a hurricane. Also, Eddie's boyfriend is definitely into Tommy. It's fine.

i thought the plane was going down (how'd you turn it right around) *

BuddieTommy; Teen; Shooting Arc with Established Eddie/Tommy

Pinch Hit for the same exchange. I just. Really love the shooting Arc, and I wanted to fuck Buck up emotionally because it's fun for me to do. And I just thought it'd be a little fun twist to have established Eddie/Tommy instead of Buddie or BuckTommy. Let's put Buck on the outside and see how it goes.

Summary: Buck hasn’t met Eddie’s husband.

Tommy Kinard-Diaz is a commercial pilot who spends most of his time away from home.

And then Eddie gets shot in front of him, is bleeding out in an ambulance and all Buck can do is repeat stay with me stay with me while thinking about Chris at home, unaware that his dad could be dying, and Tommy somewhere in the world probably thinking about coming home to his husband in a couple of days, unaware that his husband is on his way to the hospital with a gunshot wound.

or;

Eddie gets shot, and Buck has not only tell his son but also his commercial pilot husband who could be anywhere in the world right now.

it's all me (in my head) i'm the one who burned us down *

BuddieTommy; Teen; Post 8x06 Confessions Fic with Tommy POV

ohhh my love. I loved this fic. I really enjoyed being in Tommy's head for once, and it was my first time really digging into his POV. When I saw Gat liked angst with a happy ending, I saw the perfect opportunity to play with the break up and see how I could get them to work it out but obviously, I love my BuddieTommy and it was for that exchange so I worked in elements of Buddie and EddieTommy throughout. This is maybe one of my favorite things I've written.

Summary: Tommy allows himself five minutes to sit in the perfect parking spot he’d found at Evan’s building. Five minutes to wonder if he’s doing the right thing. Five minutes to let himself grieve the relationship he briefly thought would be his last. Five minutes.

or;

Tommy broke up with Evan and broke his own heart in the process.

That's only the beginning of the story.

NO PRESSURETagging @lonelychicago, @hawkbutt and any other writer friends who haven't done this yet (though I think most of you have!!!)

#2024 fic round up #my fic

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adrienisweird · 1 year ago

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Greed's weakness

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Decided to write again thanks to the encouragement of my beloved @nataliewritez . Thank you so much for your encouragement dear! Without further ado, have some lee!greed

TW: light swearing, tickles

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It had been going on like this for far too long, Greed had a bad habit of not sleeping enough. That in and of itself wouldn't be too bad if he didn't constantly mutter things to himself, seemingly having lengthy conversations with Ling.

Edward has had enough, he's a guy who loves sleeping, and Greed's constant mumbling wasn't easy to fall asleep to.

"Greed can you shut up??" Ed called out for what seemed to be the millionth time from his sleeping bag, but he got no response. At first he assumed Greed was just in deep conversation, but after catching a glimpse of a smirk he got the feeling he was being ignored on purpose. Most likely by both Greed and Ling, they both had a love for annoying Ed.

More mumbling came from Greed, almost louder this time. That was it, if Greed won't listen then Ed will MAKE him listen!

At this point greed wasn't even saying anything, he was only muttering nonsense to further annoy the short alchemist and to amuse himself. He expected to be yelled at again, but what instead happened was Ed throwing himself towards Greed, grabbing him by the shoulders and tackling him to the ground.

The kid was nimble, he'll give him that. He didn't even have time to react. Although the tingling feeling by his shoulders was also a bit of a distraction. Everytime Ed's hands slightly moved it'd send more strange sensations through his body, causing his judgement to become slightly fuzzy.

"I've had enough of your damn babbling and jammering- I cannot sleep i... you.." The sound of his voice was becoming a bit more muffled, Ling was trying to listen in a bit on the conversation as well.

Ling tried to sneakily rise to the surface for a bit, just to understand what got Greed so twitchy all of a sudden. He felt the slight tingling around where the red marks Greed had caused to appear on the front of his shoulders.

Hm.. that feels almost.. Oh. OH.

Ling smirked to himself as he sank back down into their conciousness, suddenly realizing just why Greed was so on edge.

"And for the- Are you even listening!?" Ed shook him a bit in frustration, although he didn't expect Greed to grab his wrists. Now that Ed looked closer, it almost looked like Greed was.. blushing? He looked down at his hands and back to Greed, catching the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

"Huh? Wha.. Greed.. Are you.. Ticklish?" His smirk grew wider by the second and Greed suddenly felt very vulnerable.

He had never experienced what Ed was describing as "ticklish", but from the small bits and pieces of memories he'd been able to see through Ling he had an idea of what it was.

If he was being honest with himself for just a moment, he had wanted to know just how it felt, but now he's getting nervous at how smug Ed and Ling seemed.

'Oh yeah? You wanna know what being tickled feels like? Seems like you're about to find out~' Ling teased from inside his head. Damn their shared mental space.

'Shut up, princey' He snarked back, trying to cling onto his dignity.

His talk with Ling was cut short by an elecric sort of feeling in his side, Ed had experimentally squeezed his side and caused him to jolt from the sensation.

"Oho man, this is good. Big, bad Greed: Ticklish!" Ed laughed, excitement glimmering in his eyes. Before Greed could clap back with some smartass comment Ed used both of his hands to methodically squeeze up and down his sides, causing Greed to slam his mouth shut in order to keep the involuntary giggles from slipping out.

Greed settled on digging his heels into the soft dirt underneath him as he tries to keep the slowly building laughter down, all the while having Ling and Ed make constant quips from both inside of his hesd and outside.

Ed was easy enough to ignore, but ignoring a constant teasing voice in your head proved to be a bit harder, the crimson blush slowly taking over his face being solid proof.

"Hey, Ling, I had no clue you could blush like that! Or is it just a Greed thing..?" Edward squinted his eyes at the blushing homonculus, suddenly questioning if Greed and Ling can show a differense physically.

'So that's what that is! I was wondering why our face felt so hot, you're blushing~' Ling teases from inside their mind.

"GrraHAha- Shut uhup brahat!" Greed exclaims, completely foregoing the internal monolouge as Ed's fingers hit the lower edge of his ribs.

"That's rude!" 'That's rude!' Both Ed and Ling call out, almost at the exact same time

"Fuhuck, you guhuys eheven tahalk at thehe sahame thihime!" Greed groans through his laughter, which sounds surprisingly boyish compared to his voice.

Suddenly the maddening sensations seemed to dull as Ling pushed himself to the front briefly. The relief of it all caused Greed to stop paying attention and he missed what Ling said, but whatever it was it made Ed grin like a little kid in a candy store.

"Hehey Edward! Try the rehed circles around our shoulders! I think thehey're weak points" Ling chuckles, the ticklish sensations dulled for him.

"Wh- Ling? Alright" Ed quickly recovered from the surprise of seeing Ling surface and he grew a shit-eating grin.

Greed was then shoved back to the front once more, and froze when he felt where Ed's hands were now resting. He already felt the slight buzzing from Ed placing his hands above the marks, and he desperatly fought back an anticipatory smile.

"Alright that's en- EEAH!" He was once more interrupted by Ed, experimentally scribbling roughly over the area where his marks should be. The black button-up shirt Ling had worn before turning did nothing to protect him from Ed's slow scratching, it was driving him up the wall. He slammed his heels against the ground and went to grab Ed's wrists, but found he had no control over his arms. Damn you, Ling, you sneaky bastard.

He swears he could feel Ling sticking his tongue out at him.

"GeHET OHOFF OHOF MEHEE! EHELRIC!-" His voice broke in the manner a teenage boy's voice might, damn this teenage body of his.

"Hoholy crap, Ling was right on the money!" Ed chuckled, opting to scribble with one of his hands and trace the rough outline of the markings with the other.

Greed felt hot tears pricking the corners of his eyes and his stomach burned from laughing so much.

"IHIM GOHOING TO KIHILL YOHOU PRIHINCEHEY!" He calls out to Ling, who had caught on to Greed reaching his limit.

Greed feels a much welcome calm wash over him (As calm as it can get in a space with hundreds of screaming souls) as he is pushed to the back.

"Ahalright Ed, he's had ehenough." Ling chuckles as the residual tickles affected him, Ed got the message and let him go, watching Greed- Ling? Meh, he can't tell right now.

After a moment he reached out but stopped himself, instead opting for an unsure "Ling?"

He then sees Ling-Greed get up and understands immediately who it is, if the terrifying grin is any indication. "Nope, it's Greed, kid."

Before Ed can get out another word he is tackled to the ground and quickly finds out what happens if you mess with Greed.

Although, he noticed the prevolent blush on Greed's ears and didn't understand why he'd be the one blushing.

But Greed knew, after all, Ling is never going to shut up about this now.

#lee!greed #ler!ed #ler!edward elric #fmab tickle #fma tickle #fma tickle fic #fmab tickle fic #tickle fic #tickle

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desmondkane-of-ao3-fame · 2 years ago

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SKARLOW HUMAN COLLEGE AU

For a long time I’ve had this Skarlow College AU idea rattling around in my head, and I haven’t written anything about it before, but I’m going through a rough time, so I thought it might be helpful to just type this all out. My own little silly AU I sadly probably won’t do much with.

This is a Human College AU. No magic or Boiling Isles sadly, but instead it’s replaced with all the wacky college hijinks you can shake a stick at. Luz, Willow, Skara, and Amity go to Hexside University, the most esteemed school of higher learning in all of Connecticut, or at least that’s what the ads say. The dorms often being infested with rats, they leave out.

Skara and Luz are roommates, and they hit it off super quick. Skara’s majoring in Musical Performance while Luz majors in Art with a minor in Creative Writing, so the two creatives love gushing about each others studies. Luz brings a pet snake she’s named Stringbean, though, and Skara has to run out of the room or risk getting sick whenever Luz feeds them. Once, when feeding Stringbean live crickets, one escaped under the doorframe, with Skara catching it. When it seemed to want to stay beside Skara, she decided to keep it as a pet, naming it Daisy. Luz then began feeding Stringbean mealworms instead, feeling a bit awkward about the idea of possibly feeding Stringbean one of Daisy’s cousins or siblings.

Amity and Willow are also roommates. Childhood best friends who lost touch after Amity’s parents forced her to leave Willow, her dating Luz gave her the confidence to rekindle her friendship with the other girl. Both girls are majoring in Business, but Amity minors in her true passion of Creative Writing, and Willow wants to major in Botany instead, but can’t because of a scholarship that she’ll lose if she changes.

Skara first meets Willow in a Gen Ed class, and from the first sight she’s absolutely smitten. She’s formulating a sonnet for the beautiful woman who smells of petals and pine before even realizing she’s casually just sitting next to her. Which, as one would guess, Skara finds slightly terrifying. Still, she tries to keep herself cool, able to survive the rest of class with only minimal glances at her cute neighbor. But as the two get up to leave, she seems to tail the woman as she walks towards Skara’s apartment, and it’s here that Skara learns the pretty girl it looks like she was stalking is in fact the best friend of her roommates girlfriend. And Willow likes to hang out with the pair when they aren’t too lovey dovey, leaving Skara to realize that she and Willow will be spending a lot of time together. Oh, wow, roommates…

Over the next few months, Skara becomes closer with the others, becoming Luz’s best friend and Amity’s future jingle writer. But her feelings for Willow, though maturing from childish infatuation to genuine care, never falter. Every chance she has to hang out with Willow she jumps at. Every time she see’s Willow smirk or hears her laugh at something stupid Skara feels the urge to just tell her how she feels. And every time Willow leaves, Skara’s heart drops like the moon into the ocean, wanting to spend just another few minutes with this marvelous, strong, brilliant, funny, breathtaking woman. It’s so obvious and bad that Luz, who didn’t realize Amity’s crush on her for six months, realizes instantly that Skara’s down for Willow bad, much to Luz’s amusement and Skara’s teeth gritting regret.

While writing an overly long essay about a musical writer Skara only half read, she keeps slipping into confessions to Willow. She can’t get the girl out of her head, and keeps slamming her head into the keyboard in frustration. Annoyed with her inability to take her mind off her feelings for Willow, Luz suggests taking her to a party meant for Luz’s Azura Book Club. When she mentions they’ll be serving ‘Apple Blood,’ Skara immediately accepts, eager for the chance to spend an evening partying without Willow.

After a responsible but still impressive amount of Apple Blood, Skara is able to enjoy herself at the party, completely forgetting about Willow as she just dances to the music and laughs at all the nerds in the group talking about their favorite ships. That is, until she spots Willow, hanging out in a corner, in a trenchcoat, just chilling. Skara drags Luz away, hissing about how she can’t let Willow see her drunk, terrified she’ll slip up and tell her how she feels. Before she can get reassurance that Willow won’t see her though, Willow and Amity do just that, walking by. As Skara stumbles into Willow’s arms on accident, Amity suggests Willow take her home, much to Skara’s horror. The parties a 15 minute drive from the apartments, and this is gonna be the longest, most terrifying 15 minutes of her life.

The trip starts out as nauseating as Skara feared, a pit in her stomach that kept screaming at her to say nothing, to not tell Willow anything. But as the drive starts, Willow makes small talk, asking Skara if she’s ok and why she drank so much and if she’s doing ok even with junk like finals coming up. Skara, against her better judgment, answers that it’s alllllll good, and then changes the subject to first kisses, kicking herself. Willow admits she dated a guy in high school who turned out to be Luz’s adopted brother for a week, but she’s never kissed anyone. Skara admits that her first and only kiss was with her senior prom date, a guy she’s pretty sure is gay now. That gets a laugh from Willow, Skara’s nerves ease up, and the two begin having more mundane, but no less fun, conversations.

When the ride finally ends, Willow has to help carry a tired and drunk Skara up the stairs to her dorm. When she gets Skara back to her room, she helps her get wrapped up in a blanket and lays her in bed. As Willow leaves, Skara feels the knee jerk reaction to call for Willow to stay until she falls asleep. As Willow sits besides Skara, the later feels the urge to tell Willow how she feels, but stops herself, before telling Willow she’s glad they’re friends. She drifts off to sleep, glad she didn’t humiliate herself, but a part of her sad she would probably never work up the courage to tell Willow how she felt…

As Skara falls asleep, Willow curses herself for hoping Skara saw her as anything more then as a friend. She sits there, resenting herself for getting her hopes up, before eventually deciding to just tell the clonked out girl how she feels, if only to get her feelings off her chest. She tells Skara about how much she loves seeing her happy when she plays music, how hilarious it is that she takes sports way too seriously for a drama kid, how kind and fun and pretty and uniquely Skara she is. Willow talks about how easy she is to talk to, and how she can’t get the silver haired songstress out of her head so she went to this stupid party with Amity to try and do just that. She admits that she wishes she had the courage to just tell Skara how she felt when she was awake but still she was happy to be Skara’s friend if nothing else. And as she keeps going, Skara slowly wakes up, and hears everything Willow is saying. As Willow winds down, she heaves a sigh of relief that Skara didn’t hear her confession, right before Skara throws herself out of the bed, screaming “WHAT!!?!???”

The next morning, Skara wakes up with a massive hangover, and a hand in hers. At first she’s afraid it’s a severed hand, but then she realizes it’s much worse; it’s Willow’s. She panics, before Willow wakes up and clams her down. She explains what happened; how she confessed, how Skara woke up in a manic state over the confession, how Willow held back Skara’s hair as she threw up for 20 minutes in the bathroom before asking Willow to hold her hand and not leave till morning, which Willow obliges. As Skara turns more and more crimson, it actually dawns on her that Willow actually does like her. That she does have feelings for her. And that even after holding her hair back to let her throw up for 20 minutes sHE STILL LIKES HER!!!!

Skara admits her own feelings, and the two laugh about the ordeal, before Willow asks, nervously but honestly, if she can kiss Skara. Skara jumps from her bed, rushing to clean the puke and alcohol off her breath, before telling Willow she plans to take her on the best first date ever to make it the best first kiss ever, something Willow chuckles at, gladly accepting the idea.

#I want to write this so bad but I probably never will #sad about that #the owl house #skarlow college au #skarlow #willow park #toh skara #headcannon #toh #willow park toh #skara

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laceratedlamiaceae · 1 year ago

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for the ship ask game if u still wanna do it for cjizzy, 11, 15, 22, and 34?

I'm always up to do any of the ask games I've reblogged! (Ship Ask Game)

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

I of course love the fanon that Jack calls Izzy all kind of pet names, chiefly among them "babygirl" and "sugartits," which Izzy alternates between finding annoying, amusing, and endearing. Izzy's go-to is "you twat," which he usually means mostly affectionately, and Jack loves it (because he loves any attention from Izzy).

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

Ohohoho you have no idea what you've opened up by asking me this one. I'll stick to six so this doesn't get too long:

Animals by Nickelback - I know Nickelback is a joke but I'm nostalgic about them and this song slaps. Also it's about road head and that's very them to me.

Snug Slacks by John Grant - A weird, horny song about awkward flirting and having sex in the back of a truck. I can easily see Izzy trying to pick up Jack like this and it somehow working.

Blush by Orville Peck - It's a country-adjacent song about reminiscing over an old lover, with sailing metaphors to boot. It makes me think of Jack, wishing he could see Izzy again.

Lightning Bolt by Pearl Jam - This one's mostly just about the vibes, but there's something there about Jack coming into Izzy's life like a lightning bolt like the woman in the song.

Jolene by Dolly Parton - I don't need to explain this one; Jack is Dolly, Ed is Jolene, Izzy is the unnamed man.

Thoroughfare by Ethel Cain - I may be biased because I'm obsessed with this song but just go look at the lyrics. Jack takes Izzy on a road trip out west and falls in love with him.

There definitely should be a Johnny Cash song in here too but I couldn't pick one.

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other and being silly/playful?

Jack is always playful around Izzy, making dumb jokes and just generally fucking around. In public, Izzy does not react at all and stays completely stone-faced, but when they're alone he'll smile and maybe even laugh a little. Izzy isn't really one for being silly but it's not because he's uncomfortable around Jack; it just isn't his thing.

34. Do they have any inside jokes?

Jack never lets Izzy forget the time he got caught in the rigging and Jack had to get him out. If he's subtle enough about it that other people don't notice Izzy might not even yell at him about it. They've also basically developed an entire language for making fun of Stede (and Ed when he's around Stede).

#thanks for the ask!#ask game #asks #cjizzy

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punkscowardschampions · 5 months ago

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Tancy pt.3

Teddy: [take your opportunity to show up, in the most ridiculous car to rent for 2 people because it’s your bday so you’re spending even more lavishly than usual, because we all know you’ve been waiting for her to say that before making your big entrance, forcing the poor driver to absolutely BLAST this horn to announce you, deffo sticking your head out of the sun roof or something like ta-da, like a teen girl in a limo because that’s truly what this car is almost giving]

Nancy: [when on some level you must’ve known he would do this because you’re not shocked but the sight of him here and now is still beyond surreal and you’re laughing at him arriving in such dramatic fashion in whatever shopping district you’re currently in because always people to see you in London, come at him with the balloons and one of those teddy bears made out of roses that I have found in some inspo because your style and obviously your namesake being cheekily ref-ed]

Teddy: [love that it’s entirely his vibe, and we all know he’s loving all the attention he’s getting from the tourists and londoners alike, both positive and negative because he is that bitch, nevertheless, getting out of this car to meet her halfway as she comes at him because happiest of all to see her, I imagine some of these balloons literally escaping and floating off into the sky with no fucks given because it only adds to the dramatic rom com moment of it all that she accidentally lets them go because he’s doing the kind of hug that’s so extra, giving sex in the city if it was set in london haha]

Nancy: [you don’t hate attention, contrary to how you’re coming across in this era, you just don’t love the idea of everyone calling you a creep and I think that’s understandable, catch you not giving a single fuck before long but that’s by the by right now lmao, do be amused at his antics and smug that you’re getting this attention by-proxy when he gets out and hugs you, although not so smug you are not also being !! with this hug because a lot of emotions going unspoken but not unprocessed here ‘happy birthday’ with the smile you’re doing evident in your voice as he can’t see you]

Teddy: [mhmm, it’s actually so valid but he’s a spoilt baby diva so he will always sulk about it like how dare you not immediately forsake everyone for me I am so great, catch him here and now though doing his 2 cheek kisses hello he always does which are always more extra with her than a standard posh person peck to their friends, bordering on indecent atm because !! and then catch him steering her toward the car with a hand on her lower back how he do without a thought or question for if those dealers have shown up or not because doesn’t care or need drugs rn frankly, she is the high]

Nancy: [which I also understand ‘cos what are you holding back for miss diva flop lol we all know your life is in shambles but whatever WHATEVER; here and now, finding the audacity to convert these cheek kisses into a quick but again bordering on indecent peck on the lips, allowing yourself to be led into this car happily because we’ve given ample time for these dealers to have been and gone]

Teddy: [imagine the visual of having to fight the remaining balloons into this car, y’all will be glad it’s massive then, he’s just loling about it though and doing it chaotically how he does everything, a string is 100% getting trapped in the car door for the entire drive if not also at one point a balloon itself which pops LOUDLY and makes him grin big because the theme of this bday party is decadence obvs but most of all CARNAGE and they’re starting as they mean to go on, case in point, immediately also popping the cork on champagne that fancy cars always have and almost recreating the vibe of their drinking game feral antics with how he’s pouring it down her throat cos gotta]

Nancy: [balloon carnage, thank god it isn’t a silly ridiculous bunch or you’d be causing your driver/the driver behind to crash for real and we’re working our way up to proper full carnage so no thank you, picking up the deflated balloon after you have JUMPED and intending to playfully shove it into his mouth as if you’re that fuming he’s already wrecking your nice gift but as you go to start this playfight he’s reaching to pour this champagne into your mouth which sort of locks your arms/pushes you back into your seat as he does, at least your mouth going open to GASP can instead be used to ensure you aren’t missing every single drop of this drink straight away, LOOKING at him and doing your own grin back]

Teddy: [maintaining the eye contact with his own LOOK the entire time that she is once again downing a bottle (but at least this one would probably be more mini as is the vibe is cars, gutted though y’all would be because you wanna prolong the moment, we can be glad she isn’t gonna get alcohol poisoning before the party even starts), with his free hand that isn’t tipping this bottle up, taking hers which is still holding the deflated balloon as if he’s gonna snatch it in a similar playful manner but really they just love a handhold and he is]

Nancy: [even a mini bottle sounds disgusting to me but you’ll just be feeling that initial buzz in the immediate, which you can pretend is solely the alcohol and has nothing to do with the fact he’s holding your hand, yep, SQUEEZING his hand nevertheless as another silent but !! hello, resting your head on his shoulder and looking up at him]

Teddy: [agreed, champagne is gross but y’all are heathens and don’t care that jemily are in fact correct, letting this bottle fall to the floor of this car and roll wherever it may regardless of it being totally empty now or not because the fucks he does not give forever and always, all he cares about is looking down at her and using his now spare hand to hold her face and touch it in the vaguest of pretences he’s going clean it for her of any stray drip or dribbles]

Nancy: [the way you don’t even react because you too act like this now even though that’s not how you’ve been raised, too far gone in your acting like a posh bitch to ever come back, soz baze and co, you’re welcome to this boy for someone matching your freak, here using our spare hand’s index finger to wipe a drop from our lips and spread it onto yours like there you go, as if that’s why he was holding you like that]

Teddy: [he will only encourage her worst behaviour soz not soz everyone, he’s the poshest of posh twats, here licking his lips the MOST indecently anyone has ever with no ounce of self-conciousness or awkwardness whatsoever, his hand in her hair now, once again his OTT rings getting ridiculously tangled up in it even though it isn’t long in her blonde era]

Nancy: [‘enjoy that whilst you can’ ‘cos thinking about the giant weave you’ll have to put on for your costume lmao, should really say I’ll enjoy whilst I can because you know it feels good no matter what you’re saying, closing your eyes so you’re not just STARING at him like you feel you have been this entire time]

Teddy: [taking it as gospel that he MUST and therefore pulling her hair and thus her head even more against him so that she’s gone from it resting on his shoulder to being nuzzled up against his neck, feeling shamelessly like she’ll be able to feel his pulse JUMPING crazily from there because we’re so !! it’s replaced all the family tension he was carrying before, swallowing dramatically when she is there so she will be able to feel that against her face]

Nancy: [should’ve expected that but somehow you did not, the GASP you actually do this time is fully against the skin of his neck/this pulse point and there’s no hiding it so you aren’t, instantly licking along this spot like he just did his lips, pausing with your lips PRESSED into him like a full stop or … here]

Teddy: [doing a lil moan about this like he did when she was making unhinged noises and basically choking to death during their drinking game moment as if those 2 vibes are on a par because the GASP feels as indecent somehow if not moreso, still escaping even though he bit his lip when she licks his skin because he wants it to anyway, letting it feel as LOUD as it would in this proximity and quiet car compared to the party setting y’all are used to even though it isn’t actually at all ‘I’m ticklish’ as the first thing he’s said to her since seeing her in person, as a whisper like this is a big secret he’s warning her of, when it may or may not even be true lol]

Nancy: [SHHing him, purely to do so and not because you actually care about him being quiet for this driver’s sake, your lips humming against him as if in response to the moan and how that would feel now you’re grazing against his throat, doing a small laugh because of all the things you might expect him to say, that wasn’t it, moving back, enough to cease the contact but not enough that you’re back in your own seat and out of his grill properly ‘I’ll stop’ like oh okay]

Teddy: [shifting in his own seat involuntarily because of everything she did and how it feels as she moves back slightly so that there ends up being even less gap created than there would have been, unplanned but a perfect accident for the beat that he’s LOOKING at her and doing his own shh like don’t be silly no you won’t before he more or less picks her up and puts her in his lap like she’s as light as one of the balloons ‘Excuse me, you’ll what…?’ like try that again please]

Nancy: [wrapping your arms around his shoulders once you’re in his lap, just looking at him and stroking his cheeks, fully 🥺 over it nbd, pushing his hair back like you need to get a better look, leaning in so you can be in his ear when you whisper back ‘I’ll do what you want because it’s your birthday?’]

Teddy: [‘that’s what I thought you said’ with SUCH good girl energy like yes, exactly, his hand going to the back of her neck like it always does with labels and zips, doing a SQUEEZE like she did to his hand before which then turns into him just giving her a lil massage there like she’s the one who’s been tense and had an awful bday, then resting both hands on her shoulders and pushing her down even more into his lap than she already was, continuing the massage action over said shoulders too]

Nancy: [pressing your legs together unsubtly, fully squirming about it, arching your body away from him when he’s pushing you so your head is on his chest at this point ‘it is customary’ because giving you’re pushing her head down for that reason and such a as a treat cliche lol]

Teddy: [when her head is on his chest, putting the pendant of whatever ugly necklace he is wearing on this day into her mouth like she was planning to with the balloon like this is a playfight and all her moving is for that reason but really you just wanna roughly do that, pushing your fingers into her mouth too like she’s gonna take all your jewellery away suddenly and replace it with new and more boujee items she has shopped for because she must have at least some bags even if she had her costume sent to his the way rich people can and do ‘Are you going to spoil me?’ giving his are we gonna kiss to her ex with that deliberate phrasing and his tone, to add to the this is a playfight of it all]

Nancy: [GAGGING on this and then his fingers even more forcefully because he did say that was what he wanted and you’re only too happy to oblige in a way that at least makes it obvious to the poor driver that you aren’t being assaulted here, holding his hand in place like he’s some kind of treat that you do not want taking away from you, nodding enthusiastically to his question, biting one of his fingers not what you’d call gently but not enough to make him bleed or anything, just keeping those playful vibes going]

Teddy: [soz to this driver but only I am, he’s absolutely not lol, letting her feel the IMMEDIATE effect all this gagging has upon him because even more turned on than he was, hence biting her neck where she licked his in the exact same spot and the exact same way he bit the side of her face when they were being feral last time to remind her of that as if she could possibly forget, hard but not hard enough to break the skin]

Nancy: [no decorum being shown here and no shame, as per when y’all get together lol, biting another finger just that bit harder when you can feel how turned on he is, the aggressive way you push against him giving the playfight is continuing but really you’re !! and not okay about it, so when he hits you with a reminder you have to pull his head away from your neck via a hair tug so hard to LOOK at him]

Teddy: [saying ‘oh you’ in his usual amused manner as if this is so casual and he’s just saying what are you like/can’t take you anywhere when she bites him again etc but we all know it’s doublespeak for how !! he is too, which would be blatant even without how he’s breathing against her skin before she pulls his head away and it turns into a GASP of his own, grinning at her as she LOOKS at him, once again wiping her chin from all the dramatic gagging she’s been doing, holding it in place to hold this insane eye contact]

Nancy: [scowling at him like such a child ‘don’t tease me’ but we have to do the tiniest of smiles back at his giant grin, taking his other hand in yours, directing it towards his lips like taste where they’ve been but also a shh double meaning lol]

Teddy: [take a moment to really do the most because one thing this boy can do is take direction in a saucy context ONLY, and especially when it’s something he already wanted to do anyway, which is the case in putting those fingers as dramatically in his own mouth as they’ve been in hers, meanwhile holding her jaw so hard with the other one that it would hurt as if she’s gonna look away from the spectacle if he doesn’t keep her head still and locked in position to watch him]

Nancy: [your eyes have never been wider, we are seated honey, whimpering like that’s just about your jaw when it’s so obviously not, putting your hands out and onto his throat, like you’re trying to get him off of you and not just be here making it harder for him to breathe because feel like you can’t and thus you gotta]

Teddy: [his own eyes full of the laughter he can’t physically do because of being lowkey suffocated because couldn’t love her more in this moment and every moment they have like this for always matching his freak so gotta let her know it with the heart eyes that are happening as well as the first movements while she’s been in his lap, they love a dry hump and he’s likewise gotta, at least until he takes both hands and uses them to REALLY pull her legs apart (to outdo her ex bf in the scenario she told him) and grab her thigh where he bit it before (for another reminder) to leave both a bruise and spit covered finger marks there, like tease you, moi, never]

Nancy: [miscroscopically shaking your head at his heart eyes because you don’t believe he likes you as much as he does and are like don’t trick me, boy but you don’t actually wanna have that out here and now so you only do it before you catch yourself and stop, and it is beyond easy to be distracted by this behaviour here and now, saying his name like you are SHOCKED and APPALLED when your tone is giving anything but]

Teddy: [ofc start touching her with said spit covered hand once she says his name, again like with showing up, as if he was waiting for her to say it before he would, a first because he’s previously only done it with his hand over hers directing it so we love to see that, going for it so she can’t call him a tease a second time]

Nancy: [let go of his throat, finally, dramatically so because you have to CLUTCH his face and keep it directly in front of yours and this close to touching yours so you can watch him and every reaction he has to feeling how insanely turned on you are for the first time today, absolutely doing your own shallow breathing right at him as you try to hold back a MOAN when he touches you in the exact right spot]

Teddy: [making such a dramatic noise of his own when she lets go of his throat and he can do it fully, as if it’s the sort where he’s relieved she has and he can breathe again rather than a reaction to feeling how turned on she is before he’s even started nevermind how immediately feral she’s trying not to be when he does ‘happy birthday to me’ in much happier circumstances to be saying that, in his OMG is this ALL for me tone, another reminder in how he’s sticking his tongue in her ear again and syncing up the rhythm to what his fingers are doing, having to ‘playfight’ his face out of her grasp to do so, meaning his cheek is nuzzling hers and all sorts before he gets to her ear]

Nancy: [a frankly unhinged laugh because you are attempting to hold back how hard he’s getting to you because you can’t believe how much he is and at least some attempt at holding those cards to your chest before all fucks fly out the window ‘I told you’ as you’re tracing your fingers across his mouth, like I told you I’d make your birthday better, I told you I wanted you etc etc honestly with what could be being referenced with it; holding his face to your side there by balling your fist in his hair how he has yours previously, burying your face into the top of his head like that will dampen the noises you are unavoidably making at this point]

Teddy: [‘tell me everything’ in her ear, which could just mean here in this moment let your freak flag fly and don’t hold anything back cos he does mean that but we all know he also means always, sucking and biting on her earlobe actually hard enough to take her earring out and then spit it back into her lap (so it’s safe and she won’t lose it despite how feral he is otherwise being here and now because we know what he’s saying with that, she’s always in safe hands no matter how extra things get) in such a hot but unhinged move, all while fucking her with his hand so hard rn that the driver can 100% already hear it, soz sir, and then drooling into her lap so it’s even louder and wetter, just cos]

Nancy: [being louder as a result like that’s what he meant and you’re down but the way you’re meeting his eye for the briefest of MOMENTS here because you know what he means and you too are way more down than you should be but we all know you are ‘you want to know?’ egging him on like oh yeah, show me then, pushing down into his lap, onto his hand harder, the grunt turning into a YELP at the earring of it all, STARING down at your lap to witness everything he is about to do, the way you are pawing at him so aggressively like this can will his clothes off with no need for the fine motor skills you do not have right now in this state]

Teddy: [‘everything’ because it’s so important that the repetition is necessary as is the way he’s saying this at her, SO close to her face again after he’s finished drooling, also necessary is the way he’s emphasising the word by using his whole hand and all the skills he possesses to fuck her, cos no holding back from him either, he’s giving her and this his all, giving her a peck on the lips like the one she gave him when they first met up earlier, for the contrast of that vs what his hand is doing]

Nancy: [‘sounds like you’ because you love a gossip but it cannot possibly be shade in this moment when you’re out here having to pant out each individual syllable with so much effort and you’re giving him what are undeniably heart eyes about it, thus having to make this peck into a messy makeout ASAP so you don’t say anything insane and extra, which is how you feel]

Teddy: [MOAN into this makeout because that is what you were hoping she’d do and she did so you’re buzzing about it, not to mention every single way she has been reacting to you, heart eyes most of all, calming down how you’re touching her a little bit which she’ll think is just because you’re distracted by kissing her but really he’s just being more peak romance about how he’s doing it, concentrating on all the specific clitoral stimulation in the world as opposed to wearing her like a glove lol]

Nancy: [doing a tennis return MOAN directly into his mouth like you’re swapping them, pouting your lips fully into his mouth too when you think he’s going to stop touching you for that brief moment you do before you’re like oh no, you’re actually going to kill me with more skill instead of pure feralness, oh shit; because even though you know he’s had sex with a lot of people by his age’s standard, it doesn’t mean he needs to be any good, and maybe the absolute feral peak you achieved before was purely tension and all the shouldn’t be doing this, of course we know that this isn’t the truth but it would have crossed your mind when you were stopping yourself reaching out in the month-ish that has elapsed between then and now but no, out here DYING and kissing him even more insanely about it]

Teddy: [mhmm & it’s v tempting to make him not good in the sense of quantity over quality and that there’d still be plenty of people who’d sleep with him anyway cos of who he is but tancy would die a death if he flopped so we cannot haha, maybe you’re a bad bisexual and it sucks when boys cos not as many of them in the bag, ANYWAY, not the point or what I need to be typing about, breaking the feral kiss long enough to give her a really soft & almost childlike compliment, in comparison, telling her she’s so pretty because the vibes my boo provided were a serve]

Nancy: [I am firmly of the opinion that you can be only be good (and thus be bad for the rest) with people who want what you’re putting out, so if you want a messy, fun hookup then you’ll get it but if you want something else really it’s not gonna do it for you, like chemistry is chemistry and you’ve got it or you don’t but yes, here and now, looking at him like he’s got two heads or something like you would genuinely look panicked like what?! Before you are looking away because you can’t look at him now]

Teddy: [you’re so right for that boo and I couldn’t agree more, y’all clearly have chemistry and are so alike in your wants and who you are as people, hence we’re here, ‘look at me’ gently holding her face and manoeuvring it so she has to ‘you’re lovely’ all in the same soft and quiet tone because it’s not for the driver to hear for once, kissing both her cheeks as if in hello because she’s been reintroduced by not being able to keep looking away, but v softly]

Nancy: [mhmm, fated is also applying here because we said so and we’re in charge lmao, this girl being terrible at accepting these kind of sincere compliments tells you exactly why she has picked every boyfriend she has picked, not knowing what to do with yourself is an understatement, just here trying to make him kiss you again and carry on so you don’t have to internalise any of this]

Teddy: [we stan a petty king in this instance because he isn’t gonna let her just gloss over it, catch him refusing to kiss her using every playfight-y trick in the book to keep his face away from her face like no no, but still continuing to do the most touching her and letting his mouth land anywhere else on her body and kiss her there during the push and pull of this hehe]

Nancy: [saying his name on a laugh like come on but he’s not leaving you high and dry so you aren’t here fully fuming, just trying to aggressively hold his face in place again and likewise covering him in kisses wherever you can get them ‘idiot boy’]

Teddy: [smiling at her, aiming for a smug smirk that she can’t win in her quest and he is but the feels are too high for it to be fully that and he’s too in a soft moment still ‘beautiful girl’ the most sincerely he’s ever said anything ever nbd]

Nancy: [when your birthday has you in your emotions, we get it and you wouldn’t have been expecting her to come through and save it, if she was ever gonna come through again at all, ‘you’ because if we can’t accept a compliment, we can at least throw it back at you, even if we have called you a beautiful girl and we have to roll our eyes and smirk]

Teddy: [‘who, me?’ returning the smirk with an eyebrow raise like oh really because she called him a girl but he’s not offended because it doesn’t feel like a hate crime in this moment, even if he does HAVE TO immediately remind her that he isn’t by manhandling her in his lap and dry humping her again, doing a hot lol basically into her mouth before he kisses her again, giving in with slightly more than a peck but not giving her the full makeout sesh]

Nancy: [‘don’t call me gay again’ like you better not start but we’re not being serious because too into you and too soft ourselves to be anything but some form of buzzing at all times ‘at least we’re getting changed’ because yet again out here making an absolute mess on him and planning to have him make a mess too, hence we are pushing back with everything we have as if it’s now a challenge to make him makeout with you again properly because it is, doing full puppy eyes like please]

Teddy: [‘you couldn’t get this wet for [the girl he was trying to set her up with earlier]’ because true, for emphasis nobody needs, taking his fingers out of her and licking them clean so ridiculously thoroughly it would be funny if they weren’t both so into it, which they obvs are, touching her again with his newly spitty hand but in a more teasing way to go with her puppy eyes and the challenge she’s making of it all, doing the least but somehow doing the most with it for that ‘say please’ because her eyes are but she hasn’t]

Nancy: [‘would you be this hard for her?’ it’s a genuine question, even if you’re taking the opportunity to touch him with more intention to make him feel even better, finally going under his clothes, with a deliberate slowness as he is still holding out and teasing you, barely touching him but you really have not as much as he has touched you so it’d still feel like SO MUCH ‘you’ because we can]

Teddy: [shaking his head ‘her interest doesn’t go beyond silicone and I’ve got 0 in being the cure’ because this gal is clearly a power lesbian type lol, biting his lip because it does feel like SO MUCH when she touches him but still letting the sound escape anyway, like earlier when he did the exact same thing, giving her puppy eyes back because he knows she can’t resist them ‘YOU be a good girl’ all the emphasis on no, you, as he’s rubbing just his thumb over her clit very slowly and deliberately]

Nancy: [‘maybe she’d want to use it on you’ with a shrug like she could be a top and you’re a pretty boy lol but of course we are actually glad that YOU don’t massively fancy this girl and our little smug face would say as much if we weren’t then so totally distracted by you and your everything, leaning in to bite his lip in the exact same spot he just did to make it worse and thank god because the way he’s touching you has you literally fall into him harder with how you’re shuddering, 0 way to brace yourself though because you gotta use both hands now so you’re once again lying your head against his chest ‘say it, baby’ in the most PLEADING tone ever though]

Teddy: [when you were gonna retort with some kind of sassy quip cos you’re that bitch but her little smug face is too cute so you simply cannot and will not, which speaks volumes for how much he actually likes her and cares about her moods and we love to see it, but ofc he’s then likewise getting mutually distracted anyway, biting her tongue after she has bitten his lip cos that is another throwback so we simply must, and then obvs she’s falling into him like that and talking like that so he’s gotta stroke her hair in BIG but ultimately soft strokes like shh and she’s the baby here, he can’t help MOANING her name though for the first time today, so that’s his own plea in itself]

Nancy: [unable to control the way you’re PRESSING your body into him quite literally when he’s biting your tongue because you’re shaking that much, making unholy sounds you also have no ability to quiet in this predicament, pushing him back into this car seat with such !! force when he’s moaning your name and has thus freed your tongue and you, tilting yourself so you’re positioned like you might let him fuck you, pausing there and LOOKING down at this almost contact like … before LOOKING up to make eye contact with him ‘Teddy?’]

Teddy: [‘you know what I need to hear first’ because she hasn’t said please yet and despite the fact his own body is also betraying in similar ways that he couldn’t possibly want this more, you best believe he’s gonna make sure she admits it before he acts, closing the gap there already barely is to turn the almost contact into contact like an upping the ante version of what he did with his thumb before, rubbing against her SO deliberately as they both WATCH, literally throbbing about it ‘I’m waiting’ despite how difficult it is for him to get those 2 words out because of how badly he just wants to say fuck it and be inside her, please or not, maintaining the eye contact as if that’s effortless and everything is all chill]

Nancy: [me getting to be so evil to appease Winola instantly because despite how much you both clearly want this, slowly shaking your head and clumsily extracting yourself from his lap as you hit him with his own words ‘I don’t know how to beg, I’m afraid’ shrugging, again, as if this is remotely casual, not maintaining the eye contact but looking at him as briefly as possible to do another smirk like it was only a game and you won, before going back to rearranging your clothes and making yourself look presentable again as if none of that just happened lollol it’s FINE]

Teddy: [when you have to lol because that is likewise your entire vibe, everything is a game and you simply do not care even though you CLEARLY do and you’re gonna spend the rest of this car ride the most frustrated you’ve ever been because people don’t usually tell you no or deny you things, especially not on your birthday of all days haha, do the same making yourself look vaguely presentable dance before finding another bottle in this car, opening it and actually pouring each of them a glass this time purely so he can toast/cheers to her using his own words against him like well played, all while wearing an identical smirk to the one she gave him]

Nancy: [we all know you’re both still visibly turned on, however much you give your all to composure, how flushed you are isn’t going anywhere, your quicked heart rate and thus breathing, just got to sit there with that and pretend you don’t notice any of it casually, take this drink happily because it’s the closest to him conceding you’re getting and you need it, toast him happy birthday in Irish just to not have to say anything in English until you’ve downed this glass and are asking for another]

Teddy: [mhmm, none of that is going away any time soon, hence, what he says for his toast (after just raising his glass before in an unspoken one) is ‘To you, and how well red suits you’ because that blush sis, and they’ve already talked about how well white, black and pink do so it’s another added to the list, only saying this after he’s done the shadiest headshake at her irish toast as if he finds those roots disgusting and despicable, as is the running gag, to furthermore highlight that he can’t leave things unacknowledged, after topping up her drink for her, reaching into her lap and finding the earring he spat there and putting it back in for her, with a brush against the thigh fingermarks he left which only lingers for a single beat longer than could be called accidental during the earring search]

Nancy: [rolling your eyes and shaking your head again like he’s purely taking the piss out of you ‘too late to change my costume now’ like soz we did not discuss red but you’ll be going even redder when you are reminded of the earring of it all, touching your ear to make sure he’s put it back in properly and likewise lingering there because you can, doing a microscopic gulp about it]

Teddy: [‘quite’ and doing a mischievous grin at her because he hasn’t actually told her that the theme has changed from everyone wearing whatever the hell costume they want to being Marie Antoinette themed to literally match the costume he picked for her and isn’t planning to so that it’s a surprise when people start arriving etc, love to imagine all these people having to scramble again when they’d already been told to find costumes day of and now he’s changed the assignment and the venue lol, but he can’t help but be affected by that gulp, tiny as it is, so playing with all the ridiculous rings on his fingers, turning them back the right way round where necessary, thinking about where they’ve been]

Nancy: [narrowing your eyes at him suspiciously because what does that mischievous look mean boy ‘if it’s NOT a costume party-’ and putting your hand on the door like I’ll jump out right now lmao, you would be comically overdressed but defeats your point somewhat so you don’t really believe that ‘I’m incognito, that’s the point, remember’ nudging his knee with yours as you watch him, doing a little clear your throat cough because yet again can’t believe how far you just let that get]

Teddy: [without looking up from the other hand you’re yet to sort the rings out on, using the one you’ve just done to reach over her and put it on top of hers as if stopping her from fleeing the car, as an unspoken, no it is, taking her hand and putting it into her lap where the earring was (and which is probably still damp from all his spit and how turned on she was, and we know still is) and then doing his other rings as if that gesture didn’t happen, when he’s done, refilling/topping up her glass again as if the throat clear is because she’s so parched]

Nancy: [reflexively reaching out again when he takes his hand away because you want to hold it, no fucks given to how needy a gesture it is on your part right now, SQUEEZING his hand and turning it around as if you are admiring all these rings and aren’t just studying his hand like a weirdo]

Teddy: [tell her about your fave one which everyone always sees you wear every single day without fail which is giving the ring version of a family crest in the sense that everyone (except his father) has one with the same stone in (which they are all supposed to wear too but I’m sure only him and his mum do) that has some significance to his mother’s family name and that long lineage, like how my boo’s fam has but more boujee, because they talked about his eyes before inspiring jewellery]

Nancy: [listen with actual and not just feigned interest because you would humour all this posh person behaviour and feel othered for your family not having it, like your fam is so slay how dare you but ANYWAY girl, here and now be like ‘maybe she’ll divorce him’ as if that’s truly the nicest thing you could wish for him because so clear how much you hate your father and everything about him right now]

Teddy: [‘perhaps’ but said like it’s the verbal equivalent of him waving away what she said/not really listening because nice as that is of her to say he doesn’t believe it’ll ever really happen when he’s obvs been scheming and trying for years now to no avail]

Nancy: [pouting because you’re meant to be cheering him up, not getting back down to these levels of meh about it all, pinching the palm of his hand to get his attention/wake him up like hey ‘so, tell me the plan’ sitting up straighter in your seat to show you’re paying attention/are ready to cause the most carnage]

Teddy: [‘ow’ despite saying that how you do when something doesn’t hurt at all cos it didn’t, doing his own very OTT 🥺 and lying his head down in her lap the way she said he could, looking up at her from there because she can’t resist it ‘we party’ with an almost bored shrug because it’s that simple, you know carnage will ensue because you know the sort of people you’ve invited and that they don’t even need the encouragement they’ll get from you to trash the place]

Nancy: [you can’t resist and have to immediately be stroking his hair like he is a precious child/pet, no shame despite how uninterested you are in any real child or animal to date, here like you’re that bitch, doing your own shrug ‘it’s your birthday’ like if that’s ALL then sure]

Teddy: [‘Meaning what if the roles were reversed?’ like okay go on if you’re such a mastermind with a masterplan because can’t resist hearing it even though he’s had to close his eyes at how nice that feels and it takes him a beat longer than is typical to ask the question cos lost in the feeling]

Nancy: [when you can fully do your heart eyes whilst he’s not looking, smiling at him so shamelessly ‘that depends, how much effort you want to put in and to what specific end’ because you clearly can just let this play and your parents will be mad but there’s always the opportunity to go harder should you want to take it]

Teddy: [‘it’s my birthday, said like effort EW, disgusting, but we all know he’s joking and that he always wants to take things as far as he can, further than he ever should, her included, hence he’s opening his eyes and looking at her in a way that conveys this]

Nancy: [‘it’s your birthday’ like you’re placating a child like mhmm yes I know but you’re meeting this look with the opposite energy of your tone so he knows what’s really up ‘can we get into his home office?’]

Teddy: [‘I’ve been getting in since I was [insert age that’s younger than when he found the affair tea on the computer]’ with a bored tone like ugh my father is such a flop but his eyes are still alight with all the possibility of what she might suggest]

Nancy: [‘do you know his current passwords, codes for any locks?’ just thinking how much damage you could feasibly do because what this man truly cares about but I’m sure he keeps the important info quite safe, unlucky for y’all, so we’re still here wondering what we can get to easier]

Teddy: [tell her because you do, I get the vibe that even if this man thinks he’s changing them if he knows his son has been in he’s still changing them to things that said son would be able to guess, not as smart as you think you are sir, plus like my boo says none of the really juicy stuff would be there that would all be at work anyway where Teddy can’t get at it, love that we’re also telling the driver btw with no fucks given lol]

Nancy: [honestly sir, write this info down lmao, we’re here nodding at him like well done, so proud ‘there’s an excuse to send a company-wide email, and plenty of willing anonymous models to be in the accidental leak’ listing it off on your fingers like and that’s just the first idea I’ve thought of vibes]

Teddy: [no hesitation in leaning up to kiss her the way he would not when she wanted him to before because he loves her mind and he loves her, no notes]

Nancy: [a half laugh about this in pleasant surprise because love having good ideas that are appreciated by anyone and also love cheering him up ‘he’s such an easy target’ said between a kiss]

Teddy: [when you’re grinning into this kiss because her half laugh is adorable and you’re both never happier than when you have a scheme and obvs doing this together is taking out the boredom of how unsatisfying his dad usually is as a target because clearly, where are and have been any real consequences up to now sir, you’re laying the law down with an early start tomorrow that’s literally it]

Nancy: [grinning back because exactly dr phil ‘you know what you should be doing, instead of wasting your time with whatserface-’ forever pretending you have never heard his gf’s name in your life ‘-seeking out the ex-fling of his crazy yet vulnerable enough to be talked into some real revenge’ tapping the side of his head like use it]

Teddy: [joining in by saying ‘who?’ so genuinely as if he has never heard of this girl and kissing the one in front of him as if she’s his gf and he has never shown any interest in anyone else a day in his life ‘don’t turn me off’ unclear if he means at the mention of his gf or because he’s clearly looked for his dad’s exes and got nowhere, both are possible and true]

Nancy: [just here mhmming into the kiss like okay sure ‘she’ll be the one in the wedding dress’ like remember that, how does THAT make you feel lmao, pushing him away via the crotch with your crotch like get off, you ‘not what’s important here’ because so serious in this quest, obviously ‘how hard can it be? He’s not good at it’ because infamously a cheat]

Teddy: [when you gotta LOL because imagining if she turns up and she’s the only one not on theme and wearing a wedding dress of all things, how shaming ‘neither are they’ meaning these girls aren’t the right type she mentioned because none of them are up for revenge for whatever reason, whether he’s hush moneyed them or they just cba and wanna move on or god knows why]

Nancy: [you have to lol too because it will be funny, especially so because the joke is not on you and that’s what you like about it most, doing an ugh sigh at this next info however because boo, ladies, boo ‘have to set him up then’ because reverse engineering is the answer to all this ‘what does he like?’ getting your phone notes app up like you’re going to make a whole list here and now]

Teddy: [‘I told you I haven’t met the right girl yet’ repeated exactly from what he typed earlier with a lil edge to his otherwise nonchalant and breezy demeanour because he’s feeling defensive and pissed off cos he’s clearly tried this and got nowhere and failed schemes make y’all feel like flops, downing however much champagne is left from before]

Nancy: [‘if it was easy you would have done it when you were [and however old he was when computergate]’ because we’re not the one calling you a flop, you just feel it, shrugging it off and continuing to be on your phone to distract from the potential for awkwardness here as best as you can]

Teddy: [doing SUCH a dramatic sigh that she has no choice but to pay attention to it because you want her to always, dropping this empty champagne bottle to clink against hers from when y’all got in and then playing with the balloon and string nearest to you like the cat you are]

Nancy: [looking down at these bottles so pointedly like are we at this point choosing to ignore you or are being flooded by memories of when you got in this car and did all that with said bottle, who can say, batting a balloon off his head to float off into this car]

Teddy: [‘I loathe when a plan refuses to come together’ because he do and clearly your father’s downfall isn’t happening tonight or any time soon, looking out the window as you say this like you’re in a music video, drumming his fingers idly against the car door to remind himself of how he was touching her before because the rhythm is the same]

Nancy: [nodding because you do too and you would’ve tried to fuck up ruster so hard and that has not happened and you’ve only JUST found out about java so you’ve not even had time to start with that but you know it won’t be as cut and dry as it maybe should be; shifting the space between your window and his to sit closer to him, reminiscent to how he did on your bed, lightly touching his arm and leaving your hand there ‘what took [and being hilariously unflattering about how old you think his dad is] to build isn’t going to be torn down in just one night, savour it, yeah?’ because that is the best you can do, biting your lip a little and resting your head on his shoulder]

Teddy: [tilting his head so it rests against hers on his shoulder for a sec, almost like their heads are the glasses he knocked together before, except he’s being more lingering about it, breathing her in for another moment before he reaches for the cake box we know from my boo’s post she has got him and opening it to swipe his fingers over the icing, around the edge so the sweet 16 is still intact because we believe we can still have a good bday despite this, savouring that with how he tastes it]

Nancy: [nuzzling your head against his, just ever so slightly, not full on feral cat vibes but enough to at least attempt to put some of your feeling across here, WATCHING him with so much second-hand pleasure in every sense, focusing so hard on his mouth it’d be entirely shameless if there was anyone else around to truly see besides this driver who is watching the road ‘good?’ way quieter than your conversational tone usually is, due to the effort put into seeming in any way casual and calm right now]

Teddy: [doing the absolute most because she’s watching him and we can and will offer throwbacks to their earlier feral antics both with how he’s licking his lips and his fingers because did both, like yes it’s nice but he wouldn’t be doing this much of a show if she wasn’t looking and their horniness hadn’t been left unsatisfied, making a noise like mhmm as if he’s just like yep, also casual about this, but sticking his fingers back in to do another sweep and offering them to her]

Nancy: [my boo says it’s not about the cake and she’s so right for that lol, giving him such 🥺 whilst you debate going for it or showing uncharacteristic restraint ‘do you want me to have it?’ because his birthday, his cake, not like you’re hypnotised by his fingers right now or anything]

Teddy: [brushing these icing covered fingers against her lips to leave some behind because he saw her debating whether or not to go for it ‘aren’t you hungry?’ said like that’s such an indecent word]

Nancy: [when stopping yourself from immediately licking your lips is torture and you can see it on our face, even if we have to dramatically close our eyes in our attempt to not give in ‘always’ said as indecently, in a hushed but !! voice as you use talking as the excuse to unavoidably brush some of this icing into your mouth, letting it melt on your tongue]

Teddy: [WATCHING her as dramatically, when her eyes close, before she’s even spoken because he knows what she’s gonna say, breaking a piece of cake off with his hand like an absolutely feral beast, oh the crumbs, soz to this driver yet again ‘open your mouth’ as the most daddy instruction ever given, before inevitably feeding it to her in such an indecent way, it’s the champagne all over again just with food this time]

Nancy: [at least the cake being shoved into your mouth stops you from outright scream moaning for this poor driver to feel personally part of this performance because there is no chill once the barrier has been taken down, here making an absolute mess, it’s a good thing neither of you is ready for this party yet lol]

Teddy: [I mean, you’d be very on theme with the let them eat cake of it all but she doesn’t know you’ve changed the theme for her like a massive gay, soz to this driver that he’s unrepetantly doing his own loud as hell MOAN about it because no cake shutting him up and even if there were there’s not enough cake in the world for how hot it is]

Nancy: [this is true, I don’t know why I’m acting like you care if your costumes survive the night, even though I’m sure hers is a pricey af rental because you’re not going to want a giant Marie Antoniette dress cluttering up your life lmao, sorry to those people from me and me alone because not a thought beyond sharing this cake in this filthiest manner right now, pulling him into you and down so you are so decadently sprawled out with this cake]

Teddy: [mhmm, I know for a fact he’s gonna destroy her outfit somehow and then have to pay a massive fine to the rental people but will he care, absolutely not, just like he doesn’t here and now because all he cares about is rolling her into this cake with a !! makeout sesh that squashes it everywhere and then eventually eating it off her if he can ever stop kissing her face long enough]

Nancy: [when your only complaint is that he is hogging this eating experience/the cake/letting you lick his entire body too so you have to lift some of the mess from your own body before he can get to it and just smear it on him so now it’s a feral race]

Teddy: [I love that for y’all, really get to showcase how you were bragging that you too could deadlift her in the first ever convo of this era with how he’s throwing her around this car for the playfight of it all, the actual carnage of balloons and cake and roses going everywhere is such a visual]

Nancy: [love it for y’all, hate it for this driver, making the biggest mess you possibly could, sorry we’re having way too much fun and would never stop to think even if that wasn’t the case]

Teddy: [they really are those stereotypically rich arseholes, sorry to this man, at least he’d be used to people like that because the kind of car Teddy has hired that’s the only kinda peeps you’re gonna get ‘touch me’ being delivered exactly like his open your mouth demand because a demand is what it is and he feels like he will die if she does not right now immediately]

Nancy: [‘that’s better than any please in the world’ because your desperation is noted and we LOVE it, pulling his top off him so we can kiss down his body without any pesky clothing hindering the sensation of our lips and tongue and teeth against your skin, the heat of the breathing and wetness of our mouth being everywhere it can be on your torso right now]

Teddy: [he’s so fickle, spent an age keeping her away with the playfight of it all and then he’s like no touch me actually I’ve changed my mind, god bless, likewise reaching and unzipping her from the dress she’s assumedly wearing, so that it’ll fall down and eventually off the more she moves because this boy loves a zip moment, he doesn’t have nails but it won’t stop his fingers from digging into her skin down her back]

Nancy: [as the girl who cockblocked him so utterly earlier, she’s not gonna say nothing lol, here actually scowling at ourself for stopping even though you simply had to, rubbing your face across his lap dramatically as you get to work on his zip yourself ‘what if you never get that hard again?’ as if that was your chance and you blew it]

Teddy: [ofc pushing his crotch even more at her so that she can feel with no shadow of a doubt how hard he is now and truly hasn’t stopped being ‘What makes you think there could be an if or a but about this?’ because as he said, nobody turns him on more than her in every possible way]

Nancy: [happily pressing against this like he’s your favourite thing and there is nothing that could bring you greater joy than turning him on this much ‘you promise it’s just like before?’ lifting your head to LOOK at him because as much as you’re saying this for a reaction you also want to be reassured, as always, moving to reposition yourself to how you were when you were literally hovering over him, tilting your head to the side like hmm, really considering how it feels and how it felt]

Teddy: [holding her face in both of his hands as he LOOKS back at her with heart eyes because she’s so like him fr, getting some icing out of her hair with his mouth that he must’ve missed before and can only see from this angle, then combing through it with his fingers while the other stays on her face tilting it to look down at their position of almost touching bodies like she did before ‘darling, it’s even better’ because genuinely everything just keeps on getting better is the feeling]

Nancy: [managing to return to looking at him, even though you have to look away because he’s giving you heart eyes and being so nice and you can’t handle it, you are nevertheless trying to, leaning your head fully into the palm of his hand and doing a shaky sigh, using just the strength of your legs to keep you from collapsing onto him and thus initiating penetration, starting to touch him, drooling into his lap from this height to do it, keeping yourself just out of reach]

Teddy: [smiling at her so sincerely because everything about this is perfect and you need her to know before you get unhinged in your reactions, grab her throat when you want to control how much drool there is to cut that off dead with your hot move lest she forget that you’re still ultimately in charge here]

Nancy: [trying to say the most unhinged shit but only when he’s choking you so he doesn’t actually get to hear anything clearly, just know that you’re saying something crazy, also taking how wet you are onto your palms and using it on him so 1. You can show you’re in charge right now and 2. He gets to feel it]

Teddy: [now there’s a code he’d enjoy trying to break unlike James’ shorthand which he gave up on straight away lol, taking some guesses on what she’s saying but deliberately making it crazier than it is because she can’t correct him rn whilst being choked, but it gets harder to even form coherent words in response to how wet she is and how it feels, so turning into some unhinged noises for sure]

Nancy: [when you can’t correct but your wide eyes aren’t giving that you would, the total opposite in how it only spurs us on to go at this harder and with more abandon, experimenting with brushing over him, literally for but a second at a time before snatching back up like no no before he’s barely had time to do anything about it, gritting your teeth together at the effort it takes]

Teddy: [we love it for you, always with your crazy games you two, anything that can be turned into one is and none of this is any exception, catch him letting her throat go so he can push his hand into her mouth and let her bite down on it instead because god knows how many attempts it will take him but after an embarrassing (if they were anything but into it) amount of these brushes he will finally manage to realise and react by getting just the tip in so she’ll need to, even though he’ll likewise take it away again asap]

Nancy: [you can’t just do it, heaven forbid, got to make all this tension last for as long as humanly possible, we respect it, even if there is NOTHING respectful about how you’re chowing down on his hand like it’s still covered in cake when at this point there’s no way, looking like you’ve been attacked by a rabid dog or something, nbd]

Teddy: [me like don’t break a tooth on one of these giant ass rings girl, nobody needs an impromptu trip to the dentist, meanwhile he’s doing a grunt about it that sounds like she knocked all the air out of his body as if he didn’t offer up his hand to be sacrificed, couldn’t be more into it without his eyes fully rolling back into his head which they would never dare to because he needs to watch her do this]

Nancy: [it would be amusing if after all this I made her go to the dentist instead of the party but nay nay, got to now kiss his hand all better in the most extra ass way to make this even more of a show for him ‘you know what happens if I let you’ as something that it takes great effort to finally say because must whilst making EYE CONTACT]

Teddy: [not you pulling her legs out from under her like when she had her knees tucked up in the previous convo and he pulled them and her towards him, love a throwback, so that she falls onto him while that eye contact is maintained, caring not at all if that initiates a hookup or just almost does, which I’m gonna be mean and say is true as the latter just cos I can and we love to prolong the inevitable ‘you’ll be ruined’ purely to say ruin because we all know he doesn’t give a damn about her rep and only means it in the sauciest of ways]

Nancy: [the woman was too stunned to speak, truly, out here like I can’t believe you’ve done this but also heart eyes because he did THAT, such a confusing mix of emotions and literal physical feelings that you aren’t processing any of it, here malfunctioning on the low, opening your mouth to reply but not so you just have to shake your head because no, not what I was going to say, you indecent boy]

Teddy: [grabbing her head to nod her head yes like it’s exactly what you were gonna say I’m right you’re wrong, a little bit too roughly because we’re too !! in this moment to be gentle about it ‘are you going to let me ruin you, Nance?’ as a question he struggles to get out and would feel like it has taken forever]

Nancy: [conversely, the ‘clearly’ flying out your mouth before he’s finished saying your name fully, like the sound of his voice is still in the air when you’re just outing yourself and what is undeniably true at this point, like you shouldn’t even be here and yet here we all are sweetie]

Teddy: [you’re still holding her head so pull her into as immediate of a kiss via her hair to shut you the hell up because lord knows you love talking and wanna say something extra af, still managing to say ‘completely and utterly’ in between these kisses though, for the ruin of it all, as if there was any doubt before he initiates anything more]

Nancy: [me knowing there’s no way to shut either of y’all up nor do anything to stop this, this girl realising as much within this kiss and the noise she makes undoubtedly feeling like it’s reverberating through his bones it’s so entirely !! and guttural ‘you’ve been thinking about it’ sounding so accusatory for something he’s almost certainly admitted by this point and is also like duh but you know]

Teddy: [we’re all aware that even if the driver chose this literal second to pull up outside his house it wouldn’t stop them, he isn’t though and so instead that noise she makes is making this boy SHUDDER as if it did go through him and melt his bones ‘I think about you all the time’ so matter of factly because he do]

Nancy: [holding him SO tight, like he could genuinely dissolve into a puddle if you don’t keep him together, which in turn, keeps you together because too relatable ‘I don’t want you to stop’ said like he absolutely will if this happens, even moving your lower body away, just slightly, but you can’t let him go to seriously move like you did last time]

Teddy: [a noise of his own because nobody has ever held him that tight before and he cannot cope so it’s the quietest he has ever done, to the point it could be mistaken for him just opening his mouth to speak but pausing if they weren’t in such ridiculously close proximity ‘when do I ever stop’ because he literally can’t and doesn’t know when to in all circumstances, pulling her closer again as if only to prove his point but so soft and so lingering with the touch on her waist that it’s more than that, literally then guiding her to him with a lower back touch how he likes to do so that he’s just inside her again, barely, even less than before somehow but with even more deliberate intent]

Nancy: [tracing the sound on his lips, again, so much softer than you have touched him the entire time you’ve been in this car, and ever, probably, matching how quiet yet impacting that was; you literally GASPING for breath like he just forced himself entirely in you is so dramatic but how it all feels at this point, putting your hand atop of his on your back, like you might move it but you leave it there ‘just remember it fondly when you’re old’ pressing your forehead against his and nodding like okay? Because everyone who’s growing up either doesn’t remember all your wild times or is trying to forget them, which would feel like a personal attack at this point]

Teddy: [another peck on her lips which is the softest brush yet of lip on lip that he has ever done, tucking her hair behind her ear as he does, because soft hours rn ‘neither of us are getting old, I promise you, baby’ in her ear, him meaning this so wholeheartedly like when he said she could stay the age she lost her virginity at, just in a we’ll be forever young and forever wild type of way because you will and he can say it with his whole chest because he believes it 100%, baby for added emphasis of how young she is and how soft this moment is, which I don’t think he has called her before unless I’m forgetting]

Nancy: [accidently deepening the penetration ever so slightly here by leaning into this soft kiss and literally chewing on his lip like you are a real baby because you can’t handle it in the best way, your own bottom lip trembling like you might cry but you aren’t ‘I believe you’ because you do, clearly, it’s what happens]

Teddy: [when your body can’t help but react by deepening it even more so you’re inside her now and that’s happening, your eyes widening comically because you can’t believe it finally is after all y’all’s messing about, basically gasping the words ‘oh fuck’ at the feeling of it as he just goes for it fully]

Nancy: [when you’re in the same boat because really and truly predicted you’d be able to keep this game going on longer than you have but anything but mad in this moment, pulling yourself up and into him so the ‘please’ you get out is in his ear]

Teddy: [the please hitting SO different than the one you were trying to get her to say earlier, hence it’s all the encouragement he needs to do the absolute most, I dread to think what position he’s putting her in to make this penetration as deep as it can possibly be as they’ve waited what feels like such a long time to them for it, so if other peeps in traffic see something, no you don’t, groping her boobs because he has yet to and that’s a travesty truly given how into it they were last time, switching to putting his mouth on them when he decides he wants to touch her again whilst fucking her, he’s booked and busy rn, managing to get out ‘your pussy’ like it’s a full sentence because it would feel like one and a FULL compliment the way it’s being said]

Nancy: [so much is happening and all of it feels good, feeling like you literally can’t catch your breath let alone catch up to what is happening, where your body is, all that he’s doing, just in the feeling of it all and that’s that, nodding like I know because if it feels like it does for you for him, or even half as perfect, then he’s welcome lol ‘yours’ as another because in this moment at least, it’s true]

Teddy: [mhmm, sensory overload is coming for you both so hard that you won’t even realise how good this actually felt until later, probably when y’all bang someone else/try to and it’s meh and then you’re like omg take me back, here and now though, catch him claiming her with the most ridiculously OTT lovebite on her neck that her costume won’t hide and he knows that because he chose it]

Nancy: [exactly dr phil, exactly, just out here being unhinged in the way you don’t even realise what you’re doing because just following the feeling wherever it may lead, hence you’re smacking his head for biting you is purely a throwback to the last time you messed around and not instruction to stop by any means, giving him a lovebite of his own too because you do not care if he has a girlfriend, prove it was me sweetie lol]

Teddy: [I had genuinely forgotten that she has a new bf rn so he definitely doesn’t care haha, pulling her off you but not because you do just because you wanna pull her head back by her hair that dramatically and because it’ll make the lovebite even worse that you forcibly interrupted it mid, like he’s probably bleeding thanks to her trying to hang on which is iconic, always just an unhinged playfight, spitting into her mouth for the throwback and the extraness of how much you’d be able to do with her head at that angle in terms of putting force behind it]

Nancy: [the carnage has begun, and really, start as you mean to go on lads, which includes doing some unholy kissing of this neck wound and then unholier kissing of him so there is blood and spit just everywhere, so charming]

Teddy: [the crime scene the back of this car is, omg, and she’s wearing white rn too so the blood really will make a statement when it inevitably gets on her too and he’ll love that, turning her pink/red in a new and unexpected way here, meanwhile I’m absolutely cringing at the amount of cake trodden into this car’s floor and all over its seats, when they show up to his house soon they are gonna look insane, rightfully so because they are]

Nancy: [thank god it isn’t like a cab because when you refuse to get out and make this driver take you to your nearby family home to get ready, you aren’t stuck with the bill for this damage, nay nay sir, also thank god your parents probably aren’t home but your sister could be, you mess]

Teddy: [baze are so used to this girl’s shit would they even bat an eye at this point, soz lads you really don’t deserve so much of your childrens’ collective bs, at least you don’t know about java yet, uncharacteristically because this boy is quite clingy to her usually, he is gonna let her go home without protest because they both need a second post that incredible hookup to try and recover before they see each other/other people in the real world again and he knows it’ll only be a matter of time before some of his closer friends descend like my boo said]

Nancy: [there is no reason for you to be the first person there and you’re not trying to be that dumb about it, collect yourselves and regroup, we will be back]

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tethrarisms · 3 years ago

Text

Stede, Izzy and their respective ways of loving Ed (healthy x unhealthy)

An essay in three parts.

1. Edward’s dilemma

First of all, let’s analyze Ed as a character.

The initial impression we have towards Ed is actually presented to us through other characters’ POVs. Izzy tells the crew that he wants them to follow Stede’s ship, and when asked why, Izzy says Blackbeard is half insane. Spanish Jackie hesitates to harm Stede when she learns Blackbeard wants to meet him. Black Pete describes him as a legend, deprived of human qualities. Therefore, Blackbeard’s reputation as a pirate is strong and solid, he’s feared and respected and everyone knows he’s not to be trifled with.

And yet, as soon as Ed meets Stede, he feels comfortable and safe enough to share that he’s tired of being Blackbeard. He’s bored and also sick of the image everyone has of him. He’s hurt for being dehumanized, seen as a monster. He wants to be human again, to experience affection and other simple things he was denied as Blackbeard.

This is Ed’s main dilemma. Still, he’s also afraid of opening himself to his soft side. That’s why he finds another way to solve his problem: to fake his own death and take Stede’s place. This way, he can “pretend” to be who really wants to be without changing his self. It’s all a mask he still wears because he’s not ready to “come out” as Ed. There’s a legacy he built, and he feels tied to it, trapped in a prison of his own making.

Now, there are two people who are aware of Ed’s anguish: Stede and Izzy. But they are entire opposites when it comes to guide Ed into finding himself. Let’s begin with Izzy.

2. Izzy’s unhealthy love

Izzy loves Blackbeard. He does not love Ed and his soft desires, though. He loves the legend, the ruthless and merciless man who shows strength and power. As long as Blackbeard is that man, he’s capable of loving Ed. And he does love Blackbeard, as it’s clear by his need to indulge him.

“And he adores you”. Izzy is quite aware that Ed is enamored with Stede. However, Izzy uses this piece of information to in fact hurt and separate the two of them. He manipulates Stede into proceeding with the fuckery not because it would amuse Ed but because that would put Stede’s life in mortal danger. He wants Stede to die, even though he’s aware that Stede makes Ed happy (his own words).

When Izzy realizes that the fuckery won’t be enough, he confronts Ed and reduces Stede to a pet, mostly because he’s hurt. Blackbeard forced him into getting rid of emotional connections by killing the crew’s pets. So why is Blackbeard allowed to have a pet when he is the one who came up with this rule? It’s not fair. If Izzy can’t have a pet, neither can Blackbeard.

Finally, Izzy is getting tired of Ed’s softness towards Stede and so he decides to settle things on his own. It ends bad for him and he’s bitter for being forced to leave the ship. Important note here, Ed was not the one who told Izzy to leave. It was Izzy’s idea since he was so sure Stede would lose the duel. It was a consequence of his own actions.

He’s not done yet, though. Because Izzy still loves Blackbeard and strongly believes that everything that is happening to his captain is actually Stede’s doing.

He’s incapable of seeing Blackbeard as a soft, lovely and caring man. He’s bothered with how carefree Ed looks, this is not the man he fell in love with. Izzy cannot accept his loved one to change or at least slightly deviate from the image he has of Blackbeard. On the top of that, even though it seemed like a joke for the viwers, he does believe that Ed and Stede fucked on the deck.

Izzy’s last act to bring Blackbeard back to his original state is not even based on consentment. He makes a deal with the English in order to force Stede out of Ed’s life. It’s crazy to think that he actually sent Ed’s ex to sabotage his relationship with Stede, such is his obsession with separating them.

Calico Jack is not here to present himself as an actual love interest. He’s the conflict Izzy needs to separate Stede and Ed. Jack is not a threat to Izzy because he knows they’re not going to go back together. When Blackbeard is safe and sound, Jack will leave and Izzy will have his captain back (or at least it is what he expects).

But Ed, realizing he was deceived, immediately goes back to Stede because the man loves the Gentleman Pirate. It doesn’t matter if the English will arrest them. He wants to protect Stede, he wants his beloved alive. Izzy is still in denial with that, it’s pitiful to see that he still believes Ed will forgive him. The wave he does when they look at each other, you can see in his eyes that he longs for Ed. He strongly believes that everything he has done was for love.

But Izzy never considered Ed’s true emotions and desires. He doesn’t want to see Ed in fancy, soft clothes, drinking tea and learning etiquette, even though that’s precisely what makes Ed happy. He’s bitter again to see Ed in such a lamentable state of grieving due to a broken heart. For starters, Blackbeard does not have a heart. And so he forces Ed to see himself as Blackbeard again by showing the very picture Ed hates the most.

In conclusion, Izzy brings the worst in Ed. Izzy wants Ed to be exactly what Ed despises the most about himself, the very image that suffocates him and makes him feel trapped and unhappy. All because Izzy cannot love Ed as a man, but as an idealization. Izzy does not care about Ed’s emotions. He’d rather have an unhappy Blackbeard than a happy Ed, and this is precisely why Izzy’s love is unhealthy. It’s selfish and toxic and manipulative. It’s harmful for both of them. After all, who in the world would be glad to have their toe cut off and shoved down their throat?

3. Stede’s healthy love

This part is a bit tricky. Mostly because Stede’s love for Ed is not perfect. But that’s exactly what makes it human. It’s actually flawed, and yet, it manages to bring the best in Ed.

Stede is a spoiled little man in fancy clothes when we’re first introduced to him. He’s intelligent but not smart, and there’s a fundamental difference in that. He holds knowledge but he’s too naive to perceive the real world around him. He slowly learns, though.

There’s a dilemma in Stede’s heart as well. He wants to be known as a pirate, and so he envies and admires Blackbeard at the same time. This is why he is eager to listen to Black Pete’s stories, whereas he ignores Blackbeard’s attempts to meet with him.

And yet, the first thing he does when they do? He takes the man, unaware that he’s the most ruthless pirate in history, to his hidden closet and shows him his expensive collection of clothes. The moment he learns Ed is Blackbeard? The admiration actually grows stronger. He does not see Blackbeard as the books portray him, and when he shows it to Ed, he apologizes immediately. Ed says “I’m a ghost”, but Stede sees the man behind Blackbeard, he sees Ed. And this is so important to Ed, to feel validated for the very first time in his life. Ed is comfortable enough to share his feelings AND be reassured for it.

Their connection is instantaneous because Stede is actually the first person to see Ed was a human being, the first person to be empathetic towards him. Ed immediately falls in love with him, and with the idea that he can finally be himself, that he has someone he trusts to guide and teach him how to behave in this new life he wants to pursue for himself.

Blackbeard is still in there, trying to come up with an evil plan to get rid of Stede instead of embracing his true self. It’s a process, after all. But it’s brilliantly explored as the episodes advance, as Ed slowly notices that Stede is special and accepts his new self without judgment.

Particularly in episode 5, we are also able to see Stede’s character development when it comes to love. He wants Ed to be introduced to the high society, and so they go to a party, even though Stede is not really interested. He does it for Ed, of course, because that makes Ed happy. Still, when he notices that Ed is getting more attention than him, he gets jealous and leaves. This is not selfish or toxic, you see. It’s just how humans perceive some fundamental things. It’s true that he cannot be happy for Ed at this moment, but unlike Izzy, he does not force Ed out of a happy situation. Instead, he’s the one to leave because he still wants Ed to be happy, even though he’s not. Friendly reminder that, in his core, he wants to be popular, and certainly felt disheartened for being left out by both Ed and the fancy lot.

Still, the moment Ed is in distress, Stede ignores every desire to belong to those people and comes to Ed’s defense. Because that’s how deeply he treasures Ed, that’s how deeply he loves him. And Stede is an utter SAVAGE, a true mad lad, all in the name of his love for Ed.

Ed notices what Stede has done for him, he acknowledges that Stede protected him and did all that drama just for him. And thanks to that, Ed feels safe to show his “heart”, that is, the silk piece of fabric that his mother gave to him, a reminder that he will never have fancy things. And what does Stede do? Instead of putting him down, Stede reassures Ed and makes him wear his heart with pride.

"You wear fine things well.” Almost as if he was telling Ed to be proud of wearing his heart where everyone can see. Ed is once more reassured, to the point of acknowledging that he’s in love with Stede. To the point of trying to go for a kiss, except they’re ready yet. That’s how important Stede is in Ed’s eyes.

And so we’re able to see more and more proof that Stede is growing past his own selfish desires in order to please Ed. He decides to proceed with the fuckery when Izzy tells him that Ed adores him. He puts on a treasure hunt because he strongly believes that it would make Ed happy. And even when Ed reveals he’s the Kraken and confesses that he’s supposed to kill him, Stede reaches out for his heart and once more reassures him. Ed feels safe around him, even when there’s conflict in his heart.

In episode 8, however, a conflict emerges in their relationship when Calico Jack, just like Izzy, brings the worst in Ed. I don’t feel entirely comfortable with comparing Ed’s behavior to toxic masculinity, but there’s a bit of a metaphor down there. Jack brings Ed to a former state in which he simply embraces his “pirate self” instead of pursuing the “fancy man” he aims to become. Not because he doesn’t want to be a fancy man anymore, but because he’s so sure he isn’t allowed to be more than a pirate. He’s rejecting his very dream because a toxic ex-boyfriend convinced him to do so.

Stede cannot move on and keeps stalking Ed because, yes, he does not believe in Ed’s bs. He’s insecure and compares himself to Jack, even though Ed is comfortable and safe and reassured around him. This is not a selfish act coming from Stede, it’s Ed’s journey to realize that Stede sees him for what he truly is.

However, just like Ed, Stede has a moment of hesitation, in this case, because of his family (and this is a good metaphor for hetcomp). He’s back to his previous spoiled, selfish state because guilt is overwhelming him. And he does break Ed’s heart, which is quite unfair to everything they went through. But Stede needed closure, he needed someone to hold his shoulders and open his eyes to love. Because, until that very moment, he didn’t know he was in love with Ed. He was kissed, and that made him panic, in addition to the Chauncey’s incident and the flashbacks of his family.

Still, the moment Mary reassured him, he found peace and accepted himself and his love for Ed. This is a man who knows what he wants and is not afraid of pursuing it.

It’s just too sad that Ed and Stede had a breakup under such circumstances, but it’s clear to me that Stede brings the best in Ed, regardless of their current state. Stede wants to apologize and confess. It’s clear as day, in his new look, the fact that he left his money to Mary, his new expression and determination. He wants to make Ed happy again and he won’t be stopped.

I can only hope that season 2 gives us that.

#blackbonnet #gentlebeard #stede bonnet #blackbeard #edward teach #izzy hands #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #character analysis

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sixstepsaway · 3 years ago

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I love that in that flashback where Stede is desperately trying to keep his books from falling out during a storm you can also see his furniture sliding around in the background bc he really just has books and wood furniture chilling in his cabin with no way to attach them to anything AND an open fire without grate like!! There's ways! To have all this on a ship! If you put bars in front of the books you could still pull them from the top, the furniture should really be nailed down if it's not built into the ship. Could put a grate on the fireplace as ornate as he wanted. Would love that since Ed threw everything out part of the relationship rebuilding could be finding ways to merge luxury and practicality like this.

(But also I wonder if there's other parts of the ship that also have luxury items that get in the way, like did he also put open fires in the kitchen? Is the kitchen storage also lacking ways to keep things from flying off?)

It's not that he has these luxuries that is a problem, it's that he did not consider at all how any of this stuff should be adapted to a real life ship instead of a fantasy one, much like. Himself.

i love stede so much because he is a dumbass baby, love of my life

I think the sticking point - in fear of bringing Meta into this amusement, do forgive me nonnie - is that Stede didn't feel comfortable asking for help because everyone in his life either mocks him (his father, the Badmintons, god knows who else) or casts his ideas aside as stupid or unappealing (Mary)

so he had the ship designed from his whims, probably by someone not getting paid a lot and afraid of losing the business if he said, "This is dumb. If you do this, it'll be better!" and built by people whose place it is not to tell Stede he's being a dumbfuck

and then hired a crew who also have no idea about ships or sailing really, there's only a few of them who seem to have any notion of how to sail a ship and they're more preoccupied with other things (Buttons. I mean Buttons.)

and Ed is so enamored with this ridiculousness, he doesnt want to change it! he likes the stupidity of the books and the open fire! so why would he suggest any additions/changes to make it better? he's attracted to how erratic and nonsensical it is

anyway this is why if izzy had stuck around past 1x06 on the revenge he would have told stede he was stupid for his choices of design, and once he realized edward was sleeping in that cabin and how dangerous it would be, started to provide ways to stick the decor in place so ed didn't wake up to a chair conking him on the noggin in the night

and that is why steddyhands should be endgame

#steddyhands #ofmd #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #stede bonnet meta #anonymous #ask

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cafecitoeddie · 3 years ago

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not any other feels like home

Buddie | Fluff & Angst | 4.3k | Read on AO3 | Title

Buck finds the biggest downside to being single is being alone with his thoughts in a too big, empty apartment. It had never truly felt like a home not even when Taylor tragically moved in but now, it feels like home even less. Being here makes him miss Eddie, miss Christopher, miss stolen moments in which he pretends to have everything he knows is always just out of reach.

The black duffel bag that sits at the foot of the stairs leading up to his bedroom mocks him, reminding him he’s always just passing through, never allowed to stay in the place where his heart resides.

They say home is where the heart is, and his heart is always with Eddie.

Buck pines. Eddie pines. A dresser drawer means more than either of them know.

“You’re coming over later, right?” Eddie asks as he buttons up his shirt at the end of their shift. He’s looking at Buck expectantly even though he should already know the answer. “I’m making cupcakes for Chris’ class tomorrow and I need you to taste test.”

Buck huffs out a laugh at the idea of Eddie baking multiple flavors of cupcakes and making Buck try every single one.

“Am I your guinea pig now, Diaz?”

He thinks back on recent nights spent at the Diaz household, roped into taste-testing whatever recipe Linda had texted Eddie that day. He wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, not when Eddie looks happier than he’s seen him in so long.

“I’ll have you know my services are not cheap. I will also be expecting dinner. Something edible, of course."

"Oh, don't worry your highness, I'm not going to poison you," he scoffs. "Besides, Chris would kill me."

Buck hums, mulling it over. "Well, yes, he would avenge me."

"So, are you coming over or not?" Eddie asks clearly amused. Buck has never been poetic, but he knows he could wax lyrical about the sparkle in Eddie's eyes.

"Of course, you know I love you-r baked goods," he says changing course at the very last second.

He ducks his head, willing the heat on his face to go away. He’s been doing so good at keeping his feelings in check, good at keeping all the mushy gooey heartbreaking feelings under wraps, and here he is, almost confessing over baked goods. Way to go, Buckley.

Eddie shakes his head as he slings his duffle bag over his shoulder making his way out of the locker room. He stops in front of Buck close enough that Buck feels Eddie's warm breath ghost over his face. He wraps his hand around Buck’s bicep eyes dark.

“You’re going to eat a delicious meal and homemade cupcakes. And you’re going to love it. Then, you’re going to eat your words, Evan.” He squeezes his hand just so before taking a step back to leave and Buck—

Buck feels the heat of Eddie’s hand long after Eddie leaves.

Buck A.T, or Buck After Taylor, a.k.a. Buck 4.0 is Buck coming to terms with the fact that he is completely and utterly, hopelessly in love with his best friend, one Edmundo Diaz.

It took one conversation with Maddie about her relationship with Chimney to make him realize just how far gone he truly was. He spent so long trying to find something already perfect, forcing feelings and situations to mean something they didn’t when, all along, his relationship with Eddie was right there, perfectly imperfect in every way that truly mattered.

Realizing his relationship with Eddie is the great romance he's been looking for doesn't mean Eddie feels the same way. Sure, there have been moments where Buck’s mind wanders and his imagination fills in the gaps. Eddie gives him these looks sometimes; looks he can't quite explain away. Lingering looks that carry so much weight they honestly scare him a little. Buck is helpless to hope they might mean his love isn’t as unrequited as he thinks.

And that's where the fear comes in. It's better to wallow in his feelings than to think Eddie might long for him in the very same way. He can live with heartbreak, he's had to his whole life in one way or another, but Eddie breaking his heart might just break him entirely. So, he pines in silence lest he accidentally spills his emotional guts all over his best friend ruining everything in the process.

Buck can’t imagine his life without Eddie. He would miss his stupidly handsome face and his stupid beautiful heart and his amazing kid and his stupid, charming pointy-toothed smile and—

Oh yeah, Buck is in love.

They say home is where the heart is, and his heart is always with Eddie.

Buck pulls up to the curb, the car idling in front of Eddie’s house. He sighs as he leans back against the seat feeling a little bit of the tension from the day bleed away from his bones. He closes his eyes as the faint nagging feeling in the back of his mind works its way into his thoughts.

“This is not your home. This is not your family. They are not yours to keep.”

Buck knows it's stupid to think and feel the way he does. Eddie assures him countless times he’s more than welcome but still—

Still.

It’s a bittersweet kind of torture, allowing himself to be so close to Eddie and Chris knowing the days and nights must always come to an end.

He looks at the duffel bag in the passenger seat containing a few t-shirts, pajama pants, a pair of sweatpants, and some underwear. No toiletries because he’s had his toothbrush and hair products at Eddie’s house for years. It feels so much more important than what it is but Buck knows its little bits and pieces of his heart chipping away to stay behind every time he leaves.

He sighs as he pulls the bag over his shoulder making his way out of the car, fumbling with his keys. He takes his time to make the walk up to Eddie’s door. He knows deep down both Eddie and Christopher truly want him here. There’s nowhere else he’d rather be anyway so he just needs to get out of his mind, out of his way to simply enjoy tonight, and every other night he gets to spend with them.

Buck shakes himself off as he slips the key in the lock and opens the door. He can do this. He can play family with his best friend and his son. It's not like he can fall any more in love.

He toes his shoes off at the door tucking them away between Eddie and Chris’ sneakers. He grips the strap of the duffle bag padding over to the kitchen but stops short at the sounds spilling out into the hallway.

Chris laughs brightly as Eddie bemoans the mess all over the counters and his hair and the table and Buck closes his eyes, taking it all in. He wants nothing more than to cross that threshold and step into the warmth that surrounds them.

“Buck?” Eddie calls from the kitchen. “Are you okay?”

“Buck! Come on! Dad's making a mess! Make him stop or else he’ll make me clean it up!”

“Okay, I wasn’t before but I’m definitely making you clean everything up now!”

“No! Buck! Save me!”

“Yeah, Buck, come save your Christopher!”

Buck can’t deny either of them a single thing.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he says as he steps into the kitchen, taking in the sight of Eddie standing by the sink holding a bright green bowl of something. He walks over to Christopher stopping for a moment to ruffle his hair.

"Whatcha got there, Eds?" Eddie is frowning down at the bowl in his hands.

"This isn't stiff or peaky," he responds as if that explains everything. Eddie narrows his eyes at the sudden burst of laughter from him and Chris. "Great. Thanks a lot, guys."

Buck knows his face is doing nothing to hide the surge of affection he suddenly feels. He watches as Eddie's face breaks out in a wide, lopsided grin. The seconds tick by as Buck watches Eddie and Eddie watches Buck. Eddie has another one of those looks that makes Buck weak at the knees, makes his heart skip a beat, makes butterflies flutter about in his stomach—

God, he is so fucked.

Eddie makes a face as his eyes travel down to the duffel bag still around his shoulder. "Oh," he says. "Go put your stuff down and come help."

Buck walks over to Eddie's bedroom, dropping his duffel bag at the foot of the bed. He feels a sense of pride at how far Eddie has come since that fateful night when he thought he'd lost Eddie all over again. Sometime after they'd patched up his walls, and several therapy sessions later, Eddie asked Buck to accompany him and Chris to buy himself a new bedroom set, complete with picture frames and art pieces.

"I never really bothered, y’know." Eddie had said when Buck questioned why his walls were always so bare. "I guess I never really thought about staying here, making this mine and Chris' home. Then when I found the 118, I thought it was about time to start putting down roots. I guess Christopher put them down way before I did."

Buck knew Chris' room was full of toys and books and knickknacks, full of things he loved. He blamed allergies for the tears in his eyes the day Chris put a drawing of the three of them up on his bedroom wall.

He looks at the framed pictures atop Eddie's dresser, snapshots and moments of the life Eddie has built for himself with the help of the 118, the life he's built with Buck. His heart does that thing it always does every time he thinks about Eddie and Chris and the lifetime they could spend creating memories.

He touches the edge of the framed picture of Eddie and Chris with Shannon knowing she would be so proud of how far they've both come.

He hopes somehow, he's making her proud, too.

He makes his way back to the kitchen just in time for Eddie to scoop out a little bit of whatever he's been mixing and stick his hand out with a "Here, try this." There's a look in his eyes Buck doesn't know what to make of but like always, Buck can't deny Eddie a single thing.

He steps forward feeling the bowl tucked in Eddie's arm bump against his chest. His hand comes up to tug on Eddie's wrist, lips wrapping around the spoon slowly. Eddie's pulse jumps against his fingertips as he flushes, ears turning bright pink, cheeks very much the same. He doesn't miss the way Eddie's gaze drops to his mouth as he hums around the spoon.

"Hm, your buttercream tastes pretty good, Eds." He drags his tongue along the tip of the spoon if only to see what kind of reaction he can get from Eddie. The soft exhale and bright red blush is worth it. Serves him right for earlier.

"Uh, guys?" Chris is looking between them with a look of horror.

Eddie stumbles back blinking away whatever spell he seems to have been under. "Uh," he says turning around to face the counter.

Buck turns to Chris, noticing the rows of cupcakes still in tins on the table. There seems to be way too many for a class of only twenty-something kids.

Chris, ever observant and the smart kid Buck has ever known, seems to pick up on the question Buck isn't asking.

"Yeah, he made more than enough," he mumbles. "I think there are four different flavors?"

Buck spares Eddie a glance as he slowly reaches over to pick up what looks like chocolate and blueberry, handing the blueberry to Chris. They're both about to take a bite when—

"Don't you dare!" They both jump at the sound of Eddie's voice. "Dinner first, then cupcakes."

"Fine," Chris hands the cupcake back to Buck with an adorable pout.

"Sorry, bud. I guess we'll have to wait."

Dinner is Eddie's attempt at another of Linda's recipes, chicken chowder stuffed zucchinis. Buck wants to send her flowers or fruit or something because it tastes heavenly. Eddie’s grin is blinding when he says as much. For all of Buck’s teasing about his cooking skills, he is happy Eddie has found something that brings him such joy. The pleased smile on Eddie's face as he and Chris dig in makes Buck think of poetry again. Yeah, he needs to find a way to thank Linda somehow.

“Cupcake time!” Buck and Chris shout in unison once they're back in the kitchen. Before Eddie can stop them, Buck hands Chris his blueberry cupcake, taking a bite of his chocolate one.

“Oh wow! This is good, Eds.”

“Yeah, Dad. This one’s actually edible this time.”

“Okay, okay, there's no need to sound so surprised."

"Just being honest. I gotta try all four, just to make sure."

"Yeah, me too. Dad still can't be trusted."

"Come on guys, I think I’m getting better, no?"

“Hm, I’m not a fan of the red velvet."

“No bueno.”

"Okay. What about the lime one?"

"That's supposed to be lime?"

"Yes, Chris, it's supposed to be lime."

"Hm. No bueno to that too."

"I dunno, Chris. I kind of like it."

"Then, you can have them all."

Eddie's laughter wraps itself around Buck's heart, a familiar ache blooming in his chest. It's moments like this he finds hurt the most.

After the right mix of cupcake flavors is decided and each one is frosted and decorated, Eddie, true to his word, makes Chris clean up. Buck, of course, is made to help which in reality means doing most of the work as Chris sits by his side, ranting about his day. As soon as the last of the cupcake tins is clean, he disappears to his room with a hasty goodnight, I love you both, my team is waiting.

"You know he has you wrapped around his finger, right?" Eddie hands Buck a beer from the fridge.

"Well, yeah, he's my favorite Diaz." He follows Eddie into the living room settling into the couch for a movie. It's simple. It's easy. He doesn't think about the night coming to an end.

Buck pulls at the label of the beer bottle he's been nursing for the past hour. The movie Eddie chose is nearing the end or so he thinks because if he's being honest, he hasn't been paying much attention if any at all. Not when he can feel the heat radiating off Eddie from where he's pressed with his back to Buck's shoulder.

He feels Eddie stifle a yawn against his fist as his own body betrays him and follows suit.

"I know it's late, but you're so comfortable," Eddie mumbles tipping his head back to rest against Buck's jaw. If Buck turns his head just so, he could press a kiss to Eddie's temple.

"Can I stay here tonight?" He asks instead.

Eddie seems to relax even further as he hums in response. "Of course, Buck. I thought you already were."

Maybe it's the third beer he hasn't quite finished or the relaxed, comfortable atmosphere that surrounds them that has Buck suddenly feeling brave. He tips his head forward, lips brushing against Eddie's temple as he whispers, "I have to change into my pajamas, Eds."

Eddie makes a noise of protest but sits up slightly turning to face him. Buck realizes with a start their faces are close, count every eyelash, are your lips as soft as they look, maybe if I lean forward a little, I could find out close. Eddie opens his mouth slowly as his soft gaze drops to Buck's lips.

There it is, another one of Eddie's looks. This one Buck thinks he recognizes because he's seen it on himself whenever he's caught looking at Eddie in the candid photographs of the 118. The beer might be messing with his mind more than he thought because he would swear Eddie looks so close to leaning in, leaning forward, and maybe he's feeling brave, too—

No, it can't be. It's just Buck hoping like he always does that something might come of the looks. Nothing ever does.

Buck isn't brave enough, not yet. Instead of kissing Eddie breathless like his heart is telling him to, he turns away, missing the way Eddie's face falls.

Back in the kitchen, he pours the last of the beer down the drain. He feels Eddie come up to stand next to him as he pours what's left of his beer into the sink.

The clinking of the beer bottle against the other recycling is the only sound before Eddie mumbles something about using the bathroom first.

Buck grips the edge of the sink. Something is different about tonight; he can feel it. He just has no idea what.

Is Eddie suddenly aware of what Buck has been wrestling with for months now? If Buck feels up for a nice spiral down memory lane, he knows it's been a lot longer than months, but Eddie doesn't know that. Eddie doesn't know any of it.

Right?

Buck feels a little too buzzed and yet still too sober to let himself think about it all.

Sighing, he walks to Eddie's bedroom to gather his things and get ready for bed, or couch, rather. And isn't that another punch to the gut? He punishes himself most nights he stays by hunkering down on the couch, despite Eddie insisting his new bed is more than big enough for the two of us Buckley, I am not a blanket hog, thank you very much.

Buck kneels in front of his duffel bag searching for the pajama pants he knows he had tucked away. He always makes sure to have extra clothes for moments like this, moments when he stays.

"What's wrong?" Eddie asks from the doorway.

"Nothing." He looks through the duffel bag again as if the bag will magically produce what he's looking for. "I mean, my pajama pants. I thought I had a pair, but I guess I forgot them."

He sits back on his haunches. It's not the end of the world but he hates sleeping in his jeans. If he says as much, Eddie might just offer him a pair of his pajama pants like he's done in the past. Problem is, now Buck has to deal with the onslaught of emotions at the thought of wearing Eddie's clothes.

Once upon a time, Buck could wear one of Eddie's t-shirts and not want to swoon like a maiden because the shirt smelled like Eddie. Once upon a time, Buck could wear a pair of Eddie's pants and not think of Eddie wearing those same pants and the things they could have seen or felt or heard. Of course, articles of clothing can't see or feel or hear anything, but Buck can.

And now, Buck is stuck thinking of Eddie's clothes which never fails to lead him to think of Eddie without clothes. So. Yeah, sleeping with jeans it is.

"Well," Eddie offers unaware of Buck's inner turmoil. "You could just wear what you have here."

Buck blinks up at him not quite understanding what Eddie is saying. "What?"

"Uh, you might already have some clothes here," Eddie says looking sheepish. He walks over to his dresser and opens the first drawer on the left, pulling out a pair of pants Buck knows are his.

"These are all yours. I keep finding your shirts and your pajamas. I even found a few hoodies. I guess I never realized I've been collecting your clothes for months. So," he makes an aborted motion at the open drawer. "This is yours."

“I— wait—” Buck stumbles over his words, not knowing how to react to having his own drawer in Eddie’s bedroom dresser.

“I have a— a drawer in your dresser now?” He knows his face probably looks wild, but he can’t help himself. Not when Eddie is handing him the sun and the moon and the stars. He scrambles to stand up because this is a conversation that needs to be had standing up.

“Yes?”

“But— why?” God, what is that saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth?

“I— I figured it would be easier than having to carry a duffel bag around. We already do that enough for work. Besides, our clothes get mixed up when you do the laundry anyway. It’s why I had to give you a drawer, there are so many of your clothes already here.” Buck doesn’t miss the way Eddie’s hands are wringing the pants, knuckles white.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking uncertain for the first time since Buck walked in the door. His face shutters eyes clouding with something Buck thinks might be fear. “I’m sorry, I thought– maybe—”

“No! Yes!” Buck shouts before Eddie can say more. Eddie’s head shoots up at Buck’s outburst. They both turn to the doorway listening for any sounds coming from Chris' room, but the house stays silent.

“Sorry,” he winces turning back to Eddie.

“No, I’m sorry.” Buck hates himself for making Eddie look so utterly dejected. He’s talking mostly to the floor as the words tumble out of him in a rush.

“I guess I just didn’t want to see your duffel bag on the floor of my bedroom anymore because— because it means you always have one foot out the door. And I— I’m always waiting for you to stay.”

Buck resists the urge to pinch himself because surely, this must be a dream. He can’t quite catch his breath.

“Frank says I have to be honest. With myself. And, you know I’m honest, sometimes a little too honest, maybe, but I’m honest. Just, not with myself. I don’t let myself believe I can be happy. I don’t let myself even try. But this,” he raises his hands still stuck in a death grip on the pants. “This was me letting myself be happy.”

He finally raises his head and meets Buck’s eyes head-on. He doesn’t look uncertain anymore.

“I gave you a drawer because I want you to stay with me, with Chris. Always. This is your home, this is where you belong.”

Buck stares and stares. And stares some more. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he would hear those words come out of Eddie's mouth.

Is Eddie asking what Buck thinks he's asking? Is he asking Buck to what, move in? Is that— really? Does Eddie even know what he's asking, what he's implying by asking Buck to stay?

"Okay, well," Eddie says breaking Buck out of his thoughts. His grip on the pants doesn't look painful anymore but the slight edge in his voice sounds like it hurts. "Forget it. It doesn't have to mean anything. I just—"

"No," Buck doesn't recognize his voice. "Eddie, you have to know. You have to know this— this is everything. So, what— what are you saying?"

"I love you," Eddie says. "Even before I knew what it was, I knew I loved you."

Buck's heart thunders in his chest as he tentatively takes a few steps forward. Eddie meets him halfway.

"I'm in love with you, Buck," Eddie whispers to the space between them. His words are rolling thunder deep in the center of Buck's heart, opening him up with flashes of light.

Buck brings his hands up to rest on Eddie's cheeks fingertips tangling in the soft hair of his nape. Those damn sweatpants fall at their feet as Eddie gently wraps his hands around Buck's forearms.

"Buck."

"Eddie."

Their lips brush sending sparks up Buck's spine. He tilts his head slightly pressing their lips together with intent.

Months or years, perhaps a lifetime, of longing, of pining, of feeling a love so intense he never knew what to do with pouring out of him.

Eddie deepens the kiss, arms wrapping around Buck's waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

They part for a moment breathing against each other. Buck knows it's cheesy, but he feels lost in the beautiful brown of Eddie's eyes. This look he recognizes.

He sees it in his reflection every morning he gets to wake up with Eddie. He sees it in his reflection at the station whenever Eddie cracks a joke. He sees it when they pick up Chris from school when they grocery shop when they simply exist together.

He never wants to look away.

The tears come unbidden as he decides to be brave.

"I'm so in love with you, Eds." He rests his forehead against Eddie's needing just one more point of contact between them.

"I hate leaving you. I want to go to sleep and wake up tangled with you every morning. I want to make Chris his favorite breakfast every day because I know he still likes my pancakes best. I want you to come home to me after a long day so I can be there for whatever you need because I know you'll do the same for me."

"Oh, baby," Eddie breathes.

"You're it for me, Eddie. You have to know. This— this is it for me."

Eddie closes the small distance between them mouth pressing against Buck's desperately.

"Stay with me. Please," he mumbles in between kisses to Buck's jaw and neck and—

Buck is never letting this go.

"Yes, always."

One drawer turns into half of the dresser because Buck has a lot of hoodies. If some of them make their way into Eddie's side, then that’s just the way it goes when you live with your boyfriend.

Chris is ecstatic if only because he gets to have his Buck all the time, even when the teenage years creep in and he hates everyone else.

The dresser turns into buying a house together with more than enough room to grow.

Fights and proposals and almost break-ups and family gatherings with lots of love between them, always, turn into what Buck and Eddie knew it would be: forever.

#buddie #buddie fic #911 fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz has two dads #of course he does #I DID IT #i wrote over 4k of buck pining for eddie (and eddie pining back) and then eddie asking him to move in via a dresser drawer #i'm gonna make myself a moodboard for this one day #;*fic

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