#also love how literally NONE of these would make sense to anyone outside of a very niche market audience-

[perfectly-clear-from-here]

tranquility base hotel + casino concept ads because i love this album more than anything and i have an incurable urge to create:

inspired by!!: x - x - x

[islandofsages]

Hey ! Can I ask for the Diasomnia boys reacting to a male!Ignihyde!reader who join the gargoyle club (idk if it's name) ?

Like, the reader is really just interest in the gargoyles, and isn't scare of Malleus (or anyone, really. Man is too tired for being scare.)

Ignore it if you don't want to write it.

Have a good day/night ! And happy new year too.

characters: diasomnia boys x male ignihyde reader

tags: platonic, canon compliant, fluff, imagines + scenario format; mentions of malleus in literally everything, lilia being a dad

warnings: none

author's notes: reader is so idgaf energy i love it. also i just remembered the small font feature exists LMAO do tell me if it's too small, i'll change it back to the original size!! if not, i'll change my previous posts to the smaller font. also you have a good day/night too anon ! and happy new year :D

Malleus Draconia

Oh? You want to join the Gargoyle Studies Club? You’re being serious? Oh!

Words cannot describe how happy he is about a fellow gargoyle appreciator though his expression doesn’t really show that

And to think you see him as just another dude… such honor was bestowed upon him…!

He’ll excitedly bring you to every gargoyle he’s found on campus and infodump about them - and you’d write them down somewhere if you’re in the mood

Sometimes you’d find new gargoyles and bring him to them and you start to do likewise

Even outside of club activities you two geek out about gargoyles at times which has earned you two the title of nerds

“Have I told you about the time I’ve met talking gargoyles? I never thought I would see such a day…”

Gargoyles aside, he has times where he confides his personal daily life in you and in turn, he’ll ask you what’s it like being in Ignihyde, etc

After being around each other so much, it feels weird when you guys aren’t together - some people would ask where Malleus is whenever you’re on your own, and vice versa

People found it weird how close an Ignihyde student is to someone from a different dorm too and you’re not sure if you should be flattered or not

But in a sense, Malleus really is your other nerdy half.

Sebek Zigvolt

You?????? Join the club where Malleus is president and is the only member of?????????

“WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU’RE WORTHY OF JOINING SUCH A CLUB?”

Well, for one, the fact that you’re unfazed by his constant yelling and therefore probably too tired to be fazed by anything, consequently making you the perfect companion to Malleus because you wouldn’t react inappropriately to Malleus’ conduct

And that you actually are interested in gargoyles. That too. You tell all this to him

He clutches his head with one hand, debating your logic. You don’t know how and why but he accepts your argument

That doesn’t stop him from monitoring you two’s activities from afar but, again, you couldn’t care less. A sixteen year old’s fanatics is just part of the growing process

Outside of club activities, he interrogates you on what you’ve discussed with Malleus and you just tell him the truth: gargoyles

At some point, he gets so engrossed in your infodump about gargoyles his eyes shine with a new light

Of course, he mentions something about Malleus obviously liking something so interesting and befitting of his status - but he also thanks you for enlightening him on the topic and that he’ll go to you for more information if need be

You’ve converted him. You sometimes see him clutching a book about gargoyles around the school. It’s filled with notes sticking out of the pages. And a portion of that sometimes he’ll run to you to confirm about a fact or two

Maybe it’s safe to say you two are kind of friends now.

Silver

He doesn’t think too much of it other than being glad that Malleus finally has a fellow gargoyle fan he can geek out with

He’d see you and Malleus chatting it up around campus and he can’t stop the tender smile on his face from making an appearance

Sometimes he himself will try to strike up a conversation with you and gargoyle geek aside, he finds that you’re just a pleasant person to talk to and be around

He admits he’s not too close with any of the folks from Ignihyde aside for the Shroud brothers but you brush him off by saying that nobody is really

He also admires how you don’t really let anything get to you. Again, you shrug it off by half-joking that you’re too tired to be scared by anything at this point

He somewhat empathizes with you on that point, grieving over his narcoleptic tendencies with a heavy sigh

You try your best to cheer him up or if you have experience with such things, you give him advice on how to manage it

You then jest that he can tag along with you and Malleus’ club activities whenever he’s free if he wants. The more, the merrier, right?

He ponders it for a minute and nods. You didn’t think he’d actually accept the offer

“I don’t see a reason to refuse. Sebek and I have accompanied Malleus on his trips before. I’m sure this time around will be more fun with you here.”

And so you all do. You all have a royal time together - and the joy on Silver’s face is especially princely.

Lilia Vanrouge

He sheds (crocodile) tears at the thought of Malleus finally having an additional member in his one-man club more friends

Since you’re chill about it, he is too! As long as you get along with Malleus, everything will be fine and dandy

If anything, he’s a bit impressed by how it takes more than the average amount to gain a reaction out of you 

…and a bit concerned. Are you sure you’re getting enough nutrients? His paternal instincts kick in when you tell him you’re too tired to have a reaction to anything

He knows that Ignihyde students are mostly shut-ins but he still advises you and makes sure you get a balanced diet

It’s like he’s adopted yet another son

“Oh, (Y/N), you really ought to take care of yourself more.”

You grow a bit annoyed at him sometimes but you know his intentions are good so you don’t protest

You do feel very loved though. You didn’t expect this much from just joining a club for a topic you’re genuinely interested in

But you have to admit it is kind of hard to come by people who aren’t intimidated by the Malleus Draconia, even if you don’t see it as anything special

What’s special, though, is the affection Lilia holds for you.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

CHAPTER FOUR WAS SO GOOD UGHH literally the only fanfic I have ever loved so much and wait for updates like this. Am so excited for the next one!!!

On the topic of finally opening requests, I was wondering if I could ask for head-canons of what a relationship with Seishiro and a female reader would be like. If we want to be specific, maybe related to the fanfic? Like, how you would imagine their relationship would have been like back when they were still in high school, young and with Nagi’s past soccer career and all. Don’t feel pressured to write this, and good luck with everything!😽😽

── DATING NAGI!

Synopsis: Headcanons about having Seishiro Nagi as your boyfriend.

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Nagi x Reader

Word Count: 0.9k

Content Warnings: none really, just generally fluffy and silly

A/N: AHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON i hope you like where i go w the story in the future!! and hehe now that we’re in the past arc of peregrine you will actually get to see all of the nitty gritty details of their relationship in the fic itself so i won’t spoil it 🤫 but i love nagi ofc so i’ve added some general headcanons on what i think he would be like as a bf

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

no matter how the two of you get together, reo is somehow involved LMAOAOAO like bro is ALWAYS at the scene of the crime in some way shape or form just because i don’t think nagi would really pick up on the fact that he has a crush on you without outside intervention

it would also definitely be a jump scare when he confesses!! you would have zero idea it’s coming because he literally hasn’t changed how he acts towards you whatsoever

canonically he doesn’t really interact with a lot of people or have a lot of friends and he’s not aggressive with romance so i just don’t think he’d really know what the appropriate method of telling someone you like them is

would probably say some shit like “reo says i have a crush on you” and would be so nonchalant about it meanwhile you’re like “???” because you did not even realize he knew your name and also why is reo being brought up

i honestly think he would not be a bad boyfriend. yes he is lazy and unmotivated but he does what he needs to do and if something is important to him he generally puts in effort for it

that’s another reason why it would take him foreverrr to ask you out — he would have to like you enough that he realizes he does in fact want to have a relationship with you even if it is a hassle

he doesn’t have social media though so don’t expect there to be an official announcement that you guys are together or anything like that HAHA

he would probably forget to tell anyone that the two of you are dating and it’s not because he’s ashamed of you or is trying to hide you or anything he literally just does not care what other people think and would prefer not to talk them if possible so it never comes up

you’ll show up to an event with him and everyone’s like “omg nagi who is this” and he’s like “this is my girlfriend” and someone (probably otoya tbh) is like “since when have you had a girlfriend” and he’s like “it’s been two years 😐”

i think he would be fire at insulting people just because of how many video games he plays…that man has seen some of the worst sides of humanity

the world is lucky he’s a pacifist and avoids conflict because he has some vile stuff stored away (i will never be over him asking barou if he practiced kneeling because he’s about to make him his servant)

this particular quality makes him the BEST person to talk shit with

he’s not a gossipy boyfriend in the sense that he doesn’t have anything juicy of his own to contribute to the conversation but i’m pretty sure he mentioned he watches dramas at one point so you know he’s locked tf in if you need to complain abt someone

he will sit there and be so invested in the tea…def would not give any useful advice but he will make fun of anyone bothering you so you still end up feeling better

i don’t think he would get jealous honestly

the thought of you cheating on him doesn’t cross his mind at all because why would he date someone he didn’t trust fully???

i would say he expects the same from you because he would but at the same time he voluntarily talks to one (1) other person besides you and that’s reo so the opportunity for you to be jealous just wouldn’t even crop up

definitely super clingy and cuddly

loves being babied too

according to epnagi he has this whole automatic system in his apartment to clean and do laundry and i think he’d be fine if you appropriate that so no more cleaning!! but you will have to cook because that man literally only eats fruit jellies

genuinely how is he so built and not dying of malnutrition SKJFDSHKJ

he probably is terrible at coming up with date ideas so it’s up to you to plan things

again it’s not malicious i think for him just spending time with you is his ideal date!! like he doesn’t see the point in getting dressed up and going somewhere fancy when you could just eat at home and be comfortable together

but if it’s an important day or you tell him that you want him to suggest something for once, he WILL go all out (which means calling reo for advice and doing what he tells him to)

overall communication is key with him. he’s not particularly sensitive or in tune with other people’s emotions so being passive aggressive or expecting him to read your mind will honestly just end up making your mood worse because he will not pick up on the fact that something is wrong

but if you tell him what you want him to change he will happily do it!! he just needs to be told very clearly if you’re upset or need him to do something different

honestly it would be very refreshing. there are zero games with nagi and he doesn’t really try to hide anything — what you see is what you get 100% of the time

overall 10/10 would date idc haters dni he’s a sweetheart and he’s doing his best

[invidiia]

Hello! 🙃 Do you mind if I request a platonic yandere Dazai with a reader who used to be his subordinate in the port mafia but then they cross paths on a mission?

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ "i watch the rising sun!" 𖤐 p!yandere dazai // reader.

platonic yandere dazai meets his old subordinate.

m.list // now playing..

[ a/n ; THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!! if something doesn't make sense, please god just ignore it because it's 2am, i'm dehydrated, half asleep, and i really need to continue writing on this blog. ]

[ warning ; platonic yandere, dazai himself needs a warning, mentions of abuse (not towards reader), mentions of the abuse cycle, user is about 18, mori is present, there's literally more backstory/explanation to this than the actual point, im sobbin ]

It was years since Dazai left the Port Mafia.

You were his other subordinate, besides Akutagawa. The ways he treated you both were entirely different - it usually ended in you being forced to watch Dazai 'train' Akutagawa, while he later patted your head, praising you for being good, which was standing by his side and watching as he mistreated others. Of course, after that, you would treat any of Akutagawa's wounds. Dazai treated you so well because you were like him, but why didn't he treat Akutagawa the same? You never understood.

Dazai spoke to you once before leaving - ordering you to stay put. He even injured you, breaking a few of your fingers and telling you to say you had gotten into a fight before he left, so you wouldn't be suspected in aiding his treason.

While you were glad that Akutagawa would no longer have to suffer by his hands - you were somewhat upset by him leaving. While some of the others were fine with comforting you, it wasn't the same as when Dazai did it. You couldn't help but miss the times he would praise you and pat your head for doing well.

But over time, you changed. You'd learned how to cope a much better way, and instead of wanting his praise and affection, you grew colder to anyone who tried showing you any kind of love. When others in the mafia tried to comfort you over him leaving, they'd watch as you became cold to them, not letting yourself be vulnerable to anybody anymore. Akutagawa had also changed - however, he was.. worse. The abuse cycle that had started from Mori had yet to break.

It was about a month after Kyouka had been taken in by the Armed Detective Agency. Mori never told you much about the agency, nothing about who was in it aside from Fukuzawa, Yosano, Atsushi, and Kyouka, and that they were different in many obvious ways, but had a form of alliance to defeat the Guild, none of which you'd been involved in. Everyone else was a mystery to you, since you were never given jobs involved with the agency anyway.

It came to your surprise when Mori presented you with a brand new mission of sort, to go with him while meeting with the leader of the Agency. That was unusual - usually Chuuya or Akutagawa did jobs like this, or when you were given one, they took it anyway, just to 'be nice to you'.

But Mori insisted you go, even though he gave you a choice to give it to Chuuya, Akutagawa, or anyone else. Even Chuuya suggested he take the job, not explaining himself, just insisting you let him take it. But this time was different - you were offered this, given an actual chance to be involved with the agency's dealings with the Port Mafia, something you were never given.

Of course you took the job.

You trailed closely behind Mori, following him loyally as you two had walked to the meeting place. If it was held in secret, then why the hell was it outside, anyway?

"[Name]," Mori called to you, turning to meet your eyes. He continued speaking after he knew you were listening. "Fukuzawa-san brought another of his own for the same reason I am bringing you. Just a heads up," Mori cheerfully spoke. Why didn't he tell you beforehand? It didn't matter now, though.

Both you and Mori approached the place to meet with the leader. You could see there was another person with Fukuzawa, but you stood behind Mori, and their upper half had been blocked out. No big deal.

You stepped out from behind your boss, arms crossed above your chest as you eyed the leader of the agency. He looked so kind, a part of you wondered what it'd be like if you were with the agency instead.

But Fukuzawa wasn't the only person you saw.

Standing close behind him was a tall man with dark, wavy chestnut hair, in a long, tan trench coat. He wasn't just any man. That was the familiar face of Osamu Dazai. The youngest executive in the history of the Port Mafia.

And you were his ex-subordinate, right there in front of both. Both of your eyes widened, but you were much more surprised to see Dazai than he was to see you, Like he expected this.

You barely listened to the conversation between Fukuzawa and Mori, only making out a few words - 'Guild', Defeat', 'Fitzgerald', 'Agency', and 'Mafia'. None of them mattered to you as much as they should have. Your eyes flickered between the pavement and Dazai, who stared at you intently, not bothering to hide it. He had an expression that you just couldn't read precisely - it was impossible to tell what he was thinking in the moment. You on the other hand? Your thoughts were clear, a beyond frustrated glare was evident on your face.

It felt like an hour standing there, listening to Mori and Fukuzawa talk, if you could even say you were listening. But it was over only twenty minutes later.

Mori smiled at Fukuzawa, while the other just nodded calmly. Your boss began to walk forward, looking at you to signal you were to walk with him. Fukuzawa and Dazai did the same.

However, when you and Dazai were next to each other, he stopped, turning to look at you. Out of curiosity, you sighed and looked up at him. His eyes were not kind, but a slight smile was etched onto his face. A bandaged hand took your shoulder, and Dazai spoke to you for the first time in years.

"My, how you've grown." Verbal surprise was clear in his voice. Dazai was about to speak again, but you cut him off before he could get a word out. "Don't fucking touch me." The taller brunette sighed, turning his full body towards you this time, not just his head.

He smiled at you, closing his eyes. "You've changed so much. We'll meet again, I'll make sure of it." After finishing his sentence, he began to catch up with Fukuzawa. You stood there, looking at Dazai as he walked off calmly.

While you were upset about how he left you, it wasn't your main concern. Was he not sorry about the way he treated Akutagawa, making you watch as he made him suffer for so long?

Part of you wanted to run after him and punch him, but it wasn't worth it, not now. Even so, the thought seeing him was upsetting, and meeting him again wasn't in your best interest.

[ extra // i'll do a part two sometime later.. it's 3:51am rn lmao km sobingmgkgkgm ]

[circyexistforcontent]

Ok ok sagau boys walking you to your mansion and seeing just a shitload of love letters and flowers at your doorstep, how whould they react?

LOVE LETTERS AND OVERLOOKED JEALOUSY

❀ synopsis: after taking a lovely stroll with one of your acolytes you both made it back to your mansion but an unexpected surprise waits at the foot of your door, quite literally.

❀ notes: I didn't make it to sumeru or Liyue yet so please be a bit lenient. And also request are open, send an ask if you like :]

❀ pronouns: none specified

VENTI/BARBATOS:

The afternoon breeze always brings people in the mood for a nice walk, and you've been working hard so why not take a break? He would insist on this idea and would be overjoyed if you agreed, if you were currently residing at Monstadt he would bring you to Good Hunter to try their Fisherman's toast. Then he will bring you to Flora's flower shop to buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers before the both of you just rest on his statues hands while enjoying yourselves.

You won't be able to shake him off until the sun is setting and you have to go back to your mansion. Of course Venti would trail behind you, hopping on each step until you both saw your front door. The entrance was piled with Love letters and flowers that can fill at least 1/4 of a room. Imagine a shocked person, then multiply it by 5.

He most likely took some of the letters in secret while you're looking around for anyone who might've left a letter or flower: "What? When did they give me this much? Don't they know my shrine is just over there???"

After calling some servants to move the flowers and letters to your shrine you noticed that Venti was nowhere to be seen. You didn't mind his disappearance because you finally have some time to finish your piled-up paperwork and answer the prayers of your people. However, your personal space was short-lived because after a few hours Venti came by knocking at your window with a big smile on his face.

Wait, why is his bow floating on his back?

XIAO:

Xiao prefers to observe you from afar and to kill any nearby fatui members or hilichurls when you decide to take a stroll outside Liyue Harbor. Though it seems he's lacking in stealth because every time he follows you outside your mansion, you would turn your head in his direction and try to persuade him to walk with you. He was hesitant at the beginning, but soon he follows your orders and hovered over your shoulder every time the both of you are outside. Ready to pull out his polearm when something happens.

Sometimes the two of you would indulge in a picnic on one of Liyue's cliffs with the perfect view of the nation's city. At these moments he felt like he was really nothing but a human, feeling his karmic debt slowly fade away when you placed a flower behind his ear. He has to stop himself from leaning on your palm when your hands brushed against his cheek. His disappointment was hidden well when the both of you had to go back to your mansion, oblivious to what the both of you would see.

He is bewildered at the number of love letters and flowers at your doorstep before he becomes just as frustrated as you by the situation. While he did sign a contract to protect the city of Liyue he won't hesitate to smack some sense into the citizens residing in the nation. The shrine is only several minutes away, why did they decide to take a few more minutes to make it through the gates of your mansion and leave the letters and flowers on your doorstep?

He offers to help the servants in sending the letters and flowers to the shrine, which you and the servants were more than grateful for the extra pair of hands. But one bouquet caught his eye when he saw the tag attached to it.

"From: Childe"

Childe? What is his business with you? He looks at the bouquet with disdain before teleporting to the nearest empty hilichurl camp and throwing it on the bonfire. You don't need Childe when you got Xiao as your protector.

TIGHNARI:

Tighnari needs a day off, and you need a day off. Why not have a day off together? Collei insisted that he takes a break and Tighnari (incredulously) did so just for his student. While walking you so happen to just manifest out of thin air which has him stumbling backward out of shock. Meanwhile, you were just trying to escape the crowd of believers and decided to teleport to the farthest nation to have some fresh air.

After some explaining, Tighnari put it upon himself to protect you from any sort of wild species or harmful plant to make your stay in Sumeru as enjoyable as possible. Even if it's just for a few hours. While walking Tighnari would ramble about Sumeru's plant life while you just beside him smiling at every word you may or may not know. Soon enough the both of you took a small break from walking and decided to sit down on a near by rock.

It seems you were pretty tired during the day because shortly after you ask TIghnari if you can rest on his lap. Tighnari, flustered and surprised, agreed since he isn't one to deny your word. After all, your word is sacred. Feeling you rest your head on his lap made him feel like he was about to faint, but it also made him feel sick to see you in such a state. The afternoon passed and the moon was rising above Sumeru, how long have you been asleep? Hours? He didn't know why but time seemed to pass by too fast for him to comprehend. But he can ponder on that later, right now he needs to wake you up.

You sat up from his lap and started groaning that it's only been 20 minutes until you saw the stars shining brightly above you two. Oh yeah right, time here passes differently from regular earth. You quickly teleported with Tighnari back to Liyue since you wanted to spend just a little more time with him, TIghnari felt like he was on cloud nine the entire time he was holding your hand. That was until he saw Ganyu at the entrance of your mansion holding a pile of love letters and flowers. When you let go of his hand to help Ganyu he felt something dark and murky swirling inside of him. Who is she? Why is he feeling like this?

[marvelling-at-marvel-blog]

I find Trevor from shameless the most frustrating characther.

When he first introduced, I really liked him, the way he could really help Ian explore life outside of his southside world and more of the LGBT world was interesting. And I love the actor who plays him, but his character just did not work, and I know why. It was bad writing. (Also, I have to admit I didn't feel the chemistry between the actors, even if they were both playing their roles well.)

Now, first off, I think that Shameless really dropped the ball in writing new characters after season 5 or 6. Especially love interests. In the early seasons, all the Gallagher's interests were people outside of their relationship with a Gallagher. Love or hate them. I could tell you plenty about them, and they interacted and had storylines outside of their love interest.

I mean, think of Karen, Jimmy, Mandy, Shelia, Mickey and even Svetlana.l. They were all interesting outside of just being a love interest, and they all had personality and backgrounds. I really think Shameless lost that in their later seasons writing.

See Kelly, Trevor, Tammi, Caleb, Ford and Cassidy for example. It felt like they purely existed to only further thier LIs storyline. Even the writing of Mickey, when he returned as a main character, wasn't as in-depth as it was in either early seasons.l and just seemed to be more to drive storyline and comedy than in-charachter for him

So, back to Trevor. I wanted to like him, and I did for his first few episodes, but his writing frustrates me so complelty. I think as a person who also works in social services, his actions and contradictions make no sense. So in the episode that Mickey comes back when Ian goes to see him, he is really busy because his trying to place a kid. And when he thinks if he can't, he says he may have to just let them crash on his couch. Which pinged me as completely inappropriate as a social services worker as you can never have a child just say on your couch like that as you are crossing so many professional boundaries and as he rightfullylayer says can give the wrond ide. But in S8, when Ian has that girl stay over, he (rightfully) tells Ian that is completely inappropriate and then gets really mad at him for it, which just made him annoyingly hypocritical.

He is apparently working with at risk youth and abused kids, yet he tells Ian that Monica is trying and to give her another chance as Ian is being unfair to her, that he is being to hard in her. Crazy. I could not think of a single person in this job who would have that attitude towards neglectful or problematic parents. Because anyone in this job would know setting boundaries is healthy and that anyones trauma is thiers to feel how they feel about. Same with the way he treats Ian's grief after losing Monica. When he takes him to the place with the chubby guys, they lost me completely.

Then we have the idea that Ian was clearly sprialing later in S8 and going off his meds, but Trevor seems unaware even though anyone could see it let alone someone with any kind of training.

His writing is just so bad and seems literally to be only to serve Ian's storyline and screw his character development outside of that. Especially in S8. Then he doesn't even appear at Ian's court preceding and just disappears

I think he could have been good for Ian. And I think with the lack of chemistry I felt between them maybe they should have just been friends after the whole cheating thing. And maybe it's the fact that Cameron's chemistry is off the charts with Noel that made it really feel like he had none with Caleb or Trevor but that doesn't make up for bad writing. I get that writing a new post-Mickey love interest is hard after how much fans love him, but the writers can only blame themselves for that too as the never wrote a good ending storyline for a loved charcther they though was leaving for good at end of S5.

Shameless really lost a lot for me when they stopped writing their supporting character as interesting people outside of their relationship.

Trevor is my example charcther of that. That actor deserved better.

[maya-caffrey]

Good Night

trope: 'too many beds' from this here list

words: 1.7k (bigger next time, promise)

pairing: neal caffrey x reader

fandom: white collar

warnings: language, maybe? this is a fluff/crack fic, we are here solely for the vibe; ps- the fic is from the reader's pov

Only God knows why this stakeout required having to stay at a motel. Not a hotel, god, no. Because after years of authorizing literally a shit ton of money for cases, now is when Hughes decided to be financially responsible. Screw you, dude. Also thanks for hiring me I love working white collar.

Anyway, this means that I get to spend the night at this dingy motel on a highway almost outside our jurisdiction with none other than everyone's favorite convict (said with hate and sarcasm), Neal Caffrey.

Am I mad about it? Why, yes. Yes, I am. Not just at the fact that literally anyone could have gone in my place but they insisted I go, but also at the fact that I just so happen to absolutely despise spending time alone with Neal. Ok fine, I may have a teeny tiny crush on him, a really small one that makes it hard for me to work with him because it makes me act stupid.

cut to flashback

I was taking a file to Peter's office when Neal saw me and walked over to me with two cups of coffee in his hand.

"Hey, (Y/n)! I got you coffee from that place you like."

A normal person would have accepted the cup, thanked him, and walked away. Am I that kind of normal? God, no.

I looked at him like he had threatened to kill my dog, and said, "I stopped drinking coffee this morning," and took that cup, threw it in the trash next to me, and sprinted the rest of the way to Peter's office. This poor man just stood there, confused.

and we're back

So, yes. This was on Monday so he'd had a couple days to really let it marinate. I was driving to June's place to pick him up when it dawned on me how painfully silent this car ride could be. Instead, the minute he got inside the car, he started having a normal conversation with me like I hadn't trashed his coffee a couple days earlier.

If he noticed the tension in my voice, he didn’t let on. Instead, he just kept talking, filling the car with this easygoing chatter about everything from Peter’s latest case blunder to some new exhibit he wanted to check out. It was almost like he was doing it on purpose like he could sense that I was trying to avoid looking at him, trying to act casually. But, of course, he could act casually—he was Neal Caffrey. I was the one whose brain short-circuited at a simple gesture he'd do for anyone, maybe.

Finally, after ten minutes of me grunting and nodding like some sort of malfunctioning robot, he looked at me with a knowing smile. “So, we're just going to pretend you didn't toss my coffee in the trash?"

Oh good lord what fresh hell is this? How am I supposed to respond to that? Oh, that? sorry, I love you.

"I panicked, okay? It was a reflex!"

"Your reflex was to throw my coffee in the trash?"

"Hey man, I'm the new girl, I don't have friends yet. I'm not used to people being all..."

"All what?"

"Nice!"

"You're not used to," he trailed off laughing that smug little laugh of his and continued, "I'll tell you what, the next time I attack you with my kindness, I'll warn you, deal?"

I am beyond embarrased at this point I could just crawl under my dashboard and die.

“Deal,” I managed, feeling my cheeks heat up. “But just so you know, I don’t respond well to... uh, unannounced niceness.”

He gave me this look, half-smile and half something I couldn’t read. “Duly noted,” he said, and his voice was softer than usual like he really meant it.

We drove in silence for a minute, which was worse than the conversation. I could feel the way his presence filled the car like he was everywhere and nowhere at once. And, as if he could sense I was desperately overthinking, he shifted in his seat, brushing a hand through his hair and watching me out of the corner of his eye.

“You know, I don’t bite,” he said finally, that playful lilt back in his voice. “Unless you’re into that kind of thing.”

My mouth opened and closed, and I just shook my head in surrender.

"Nope, no. We are not going there."

"Suit yourself. Get it? Suit yourself. Cause you're-"

"Yeah, Neal, I got it."

The rest of the ride went about as normal as it could. A few jokes here, some awkward silence there, a dash of bickering. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy it a bit. Before we knew it (we were painfully aware), we had reached the motel.

"Neal, you get the bags, I'll go get us checked in."

"Wait, why am I on bag duty?"

"Because I'm the agent. You're my bitch tonight." Was that too much? sigh

"Wow. Understood. So it's just all or nothing with you," he said in a fake hurt voice, clutching his pearls. Every time he sensed I was nervous, he tried to ease the air. I loved that about him. Asshole.

I laughed to lift the tension and gave in to his fake protest, but he insisted that he'd got the bags. I walked into the "reception desk" which was just a countertop with an underpaid employee behind it. Everything about this place made me feel like I could be mugged any second. I was not getting a single positive vibe from this place and I could not wait to go back home.

I walked over to the poor kid behind that desk and explained our situation and asked for a room. On account of the odds being in my favor as always, we got the last available room at the motel to which the receptionist guided me with as little enthusiasm as possible. Neal followed, with both our overnight bags in his hands. The receptionist handed the key to me and left without so much as a word, just an apologetic look.

I put the key in the lock and unlocked the door to find what I can only describe as... confusing. Not one, two, or even three. Eight beds, crammed into that tiny ass room. What the fuck.

"Hey Neal, quick question, do you see-"

"Yeah, I see it, alright"

"Good, so I'm not crazy."

“So… eight beds,” he said, almost like he was trying the words out just to make sure they were real.

I shot him a look, half-laughing, half-horrified. “Eight beds,” I repeated, my brain short-circuiting in confusion.

We both just stood there, staring, as if maybe the beds would magically explain themselves. They didn’t. And since the charming guy at the front desk was about as helpful as a damp sponge, calling for answers was out. Which meant we were officially stuck here in what I could only describe as the weirdest stakeout setup in history.

“Well,” Neal said, tossing his bag onto the closest mattress with a casual shrug, “at least we won’t have to fight over space.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t hold back a laugh. “You’re right; I don’t know how we’d survive otherwise.”

In the next beat, he’d grabbed one of the pillows and flung it at me, completely out of nowhere. It smacked me in the shoulder, and when I looked up, he was giving me that look—that smug, too-charming-for-his-own-good look that always left me just a little short of breath. “What?” he asked, feigning innocence. “Might as well make use of all these, right?”

“Oh, you’re asking for it,” I muttered, grabbing a pillow from a nearby bed and launching it back at him, fully prepared for war.

That kicked off what was, I’ll admit, a ridiculously fun half-hour of pillow forts and feigned ambushes across the bed maze. At some point, I found myself perched on one of the beds, trying to throw together some kind of barricade with a ridiculous amount of pillows while Neal “strategically” circled me with a smirk.

Then, because the universe hates me, there was a moment where he leaned in close, way closer than necessary to “take back” one of the pillows he’d flung. Suddenly, his face was right there, all blue eyes and easy confidence, and I froze, my heart doing this humiliating little flip. His hand brushed against mine as he reached for the pillow, and for a second, I couldn’t remember how breathing was supposed to work.

He moved in closer, his face dangerously close to mine, his eyes gazing right into mine, not faltering even for a second. His hand slowly reached for the pillow, but the rest of him stood there frozen, towering over me. I could hear his heartbeat just as loud as I could hear mine and my breath hitched, making me aware of the trance I was in.

He paused too, just looking at me with this amused expression that told me he’d noticed every single bit of my brain short-circuiting. Perfect. Just perfect. I could feel my face heating up, and I was about two seconds from combusting when he finally let out a soft chuckle, pulling away just in time to save what was left of my dignity.

“So…should I warn you the next time I invade your personal space?” he asked, clearly enjoying every second of my embarrassment.

I shot him the best death glare I could muster, though I knew I was blushing furiously. “Yes, actually. Please put it in writing. Triple signed.”

He laughed, plopping onto one of the beds across from me with that smug grin still plastered on his face. I tried to focus on the pillow fort, on anything but the fact that I’d just had a full-on breakdown over a single, stupidly close moment.

But of course, with my luck, just as things started to settle, the shrill beep of a radio crackled through the room, a reminder of why we were actually here. I sighed, letting reality pull me back, and Neal looked over at me, his playful expression fading into something more serious.

“Right. Stakeout,” he said, sounding only mildly disappointed.

“Yeah,” I replied, trying to steady my heartbeat. “Stakeout.”

We went about setting up our positions, his usual lightheartedness replaced by that sharp, focused energy he got whenever he was in “work mode.” But every now and then, his eyes would flicker back to me, a knowing smile lurking at the edges. And every time, I’d feel that stupid little flutter again, like maybe—just maybe—eight beds and a stakeout in the middle of nowhere wasn’t so bad after all.

[cuephrase]

Of the DC comics you've read so far, what would be your top recommendations for people to check out/what have you enjoyed the most?

when i tell you i have been thinking about this all day- i have been thinking about this. all. day.

so disclaimer, as of writing this, i have only read 31 runs from start to finish and 18 arcs/events outside of those runs. on top of, everything i've read so far has been strictly robin-centric, so dick, jason, tim, and damian. (i have read all of steph's robin appearances lol, but i haven't gotten to reading material for her, like say batgirl 2009, yet.) i've also decided not to rec from any run i'm currently reading, so for example, you won't see any batman: gotham knights recs here. because i'm most well-read on the robins, i'm only going to rec for them.

also, i'm going to operate under the following assumption: you've got a basic knowledge of the robins. none of these are where i would necessarily recommend anyone start reading about the boys, but i do think they'd be pretty interesting if you're already somewhat familiar with them and don't want to commit to reading whole character backlogs. does that make sense? i hope that makes sense.

alright, let's do this!

DICK GRAYSON

oh god. this one is actually so hard because he has so much great stuff, but then also i have like a love/frustrate relationship with so much of it. like for instance, i really enjoyed The New Teen Titans, but also lowkey can't stand space adventures so whenever that went down i was like 😀👍. but okay. hmmmm.

i have two preboot recs, with explanations + caveats.

devin grayson's mob!dick arc, so Nightwing 1996 #99-100, 107-117. caveats: it doesn't really get to finish playing out/wraps up weird because of editorial changes/infinite crisis. but!! it's a super interesting look at how dick handles...failure. how he values himself in light of that failure.

tomasi's run, but specifically #147-153. (listen, i love the dick and tim moments in 'freefall' but the whole eternally pregnant lady thing was too weird.) this is classic, hyper-competent dick, okay? he's such a bad-ass. and an idiot- bro literally flops his severely injured ass over the bars of his glider and rides it UNCONSCIOUS back to the batcave. i can't with him. poor alfred. anyways, he deals with two-face, always a good time. and then at the end, as a treat, he cries because bruce is dead. so fun!! what was my caveat here? oh yeah, he has a girlfriend. i don't remember her name, she serves like...very little purpose, the whole relationship is very minor/background okay, but like it was so unnecessary. he can be single, dc, it's okay.

for post re-boot, just read tom taylor's run!! it's the best thing ever!! zero complaints!!

HA. yeah, just kidding. that run is very like/frustrate for me lol. oh man i'm struggling here. it's not all bad okay, i'm just really picky, and i haven't re-read any nightwing n52 and onwards since my first foray into comics (8 months ago) so my memories of these are the foggiest and i'm not sure how i feel about all of it in light of what i've read now. yk what, i'm just going to...not rec anything. sorry!!

JASON TODD

his comics either go so hard or they're absolute ass, why is there no in between. istg, i can't figure out why writers struggle with him so much?? well. i mean, i do have theories. but you didn't ask for those!

pre-boot:

detective comics #569-574. robin!jason in the hands of writers who like him is so much fun. which, don't get me wrong, i don't flat-out hate how starlin writes him, but i think you get a more well-rounded view of jason as robin when you also see him in 'tec. jason and bruce tangle with the joker, scarecrow, + mad hatter, and all of those adventures are...idk if they were intentional foreshadowing okay, but reading those and knowing where the story goes? oof. especialllllly #574. caveat: #572 is pretty light on jason, but he is great when he's on panel!

reboot:

probably a very basic answer but rhato rebirth (2016) #1-13, annual #1. i abhorred n52 rhato so i almost skipped rhato rebirth since it was still written by lobdell, but i'm really glad i didn't. i really enjoy jason's relationship with bizarro + artemis, but especially with bizarro because i think jason struggles a lot with feeling like a doomed creation, so yk, parallels. i want to say more but i know i'll get too wrapped up in discussing jason so i'm just going to stop myself.

i actually really enjoyed task force z, too. i think about tfz #8 so much, jason is such a manipulative little shit and i love it. he's so- i can't. i can't get into this rn, it deserves its own post(s).

overall for jay, i need people to read something other than utrh/lost days/b:ul 1-6. i love those, i do, but they aren't the only good pieces of jason content!!

TIM DRAKE

MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!! in my heart of hearts, i just want to rec his whole robin run lmao. dick was my intro, okay, he is why i decided to start reading comics, but tim, specifically his robin solo is why i'm still reading comics. hooked me fr. and young justice 1998, ugh love. but it has been a minute since i read these as well, so hmm. okay okay okay

pre-boot:

batman: prodigal. short version, tim is robin to dick's batman. super fun. there's a solid amount of dick and bruce angsting too, which, love. tim is honestly just thrilled that jpv is out of the batsuit and even happier to working with dick. very cute.

robin #46. listen. they're all superheroes okay, they all feel pressure to save people. but tim...losses get to him. the amount of times that he gets shoved to a breaking point and then...gets back up. keeps going. *screams*. anyways!! this is not tim getting back up, okay? this is him being shoved way, way down. it's so good.

teen titans 2003 #20. tim's dad has died. he shows up for his weekend at the tower anyways. he is not okay. that's it, that's the pitch. i did not like...mmm at least 80% of this run okay, but a few of the issues HIT and this was one imo.

reboot:

*deep sigh*. look. tim is not tim for like basically all of n52, although there are moments here and there were he feels like himself. i did not like his 2023 solo, the best parts of young justice 2019 imo are the character designs, (except for his drake costume, what was that omg), and i haven't read any rebirth batman/'tec yet. except for zdarsky's run. which. tim is good there! but yeah, not really a whole lot of material to work with + very limited reading experience atm.

DAMIAN WAYNE

god, i love this kid. nature vs. nurture fascinates me, and so much of his story digs into that on top of trying to figure out who he is apart from all of that. i will say, i'm not a huge talia fan and by that i mean, i have no idea who she is "supposed" to be, like i have no frame of reference for that atm, so if you are a huge talia fan these recs might not hit for you because from what i've observed from her fans she is not well portrayed a whole lot since becoming his mother? i think one of the things that is normal is dick absolutely disliking her though, which cracks me up. there's this older batman story (batman #322-335) where bruce works with talia and dick goes running to selina and i was so entertained. what were we talking about? oh! damian!

preboot:

batman and robin 2009 #10-12. damian is struggling, with a lot of things. the fact that bruce might be alive, what that means for him and dick, and his mother's puppeteering. there's this line that kills me: "can't you just love me for who i am? not what you want me to be?" and the thing that gets me, is the use of who vs. what. because he could have said, "not who you want me to be", but he doesn't

reboot:

batman: shadow war. this is post-alfred's death, and honestly, most damian stuff post city of bane is pretty juicy, but there's this specific moment in shadow war: alpha #1 that had me speechless. just like 😧 i love bruce, but that man has some of the most chronic foot-in-mouth disease. oh but fair warning, for whatever reason they don't draw dami's mask connecting?? it's so- it drives me nuts.

JUST FOR FUN

these are just two issues that i enjoy for the brother content!

nightwing 1996 #25. dick and tim's relationship makes me ILL. *ahem*. this issue is mostly just super cute and fun, (there's like 0.2 seconds of angst when tim asks dick if he ever thinks about jason 😭) and i adore it sm. fun fact, it's actually one of the first comics i ever bought!

batman 2016 #16. unfortunately, tim is not here for this, but duke is! jason and damian's interactions in the background of bruce's Very Serious Speech are excellent. bruce is so dramatic and his kids are so unserious.

what i've most enjoyed

i've enjoyed the majority of what i've read, even titles/events i wasn't particularly looking forward to but had on my tbr for whichever character. i'm going to break down most enjoyed into two catergories, arcs that i loved top to bottom and then the guilty pleasures. this is not an exhaustive list, just what immediately came to mind.

top to bottom

bruce wayne: murderer?/fugitive. shocker, ik. but it's just, it's just so frickin good. i've said before, and i'll say it again, gotham war could NEVER. this right here is peak batfamily drama. the tension? the mystery? the angst? i knew nothing going into this okay, and truth be told, when i started it i was like "oh joy. another event." because i was just trying to read the 1996 nightwing run, but i'd committed to reading in full all the events it crossed over with. but i was invested so quickly. and like, i loved how the narrative supported the possibility that bruce was the murderer, because like, you know there's no way, but the more that comes out the more damning it is, and so you're like really dying to know what actually happened and i feel like the reveal was satisfying.

batman: city of bane. i'm going to cautiously put this here, because there might have been something i didn't like but i cannot recall it for the life of me right now. something about me is i love when the heroes lose. infinity war, empire strikes back? love. and ik bruce takes back gotham, but they lose alfred, okay, they lost. i also didn't expect to like this arc, i decided to read it because i wanted to know how alfred died. and first of all, i was shocked, even though i knew it was coming because i expected it to like happen towards the end. but nope. just *snap*. and then later when bruce is back in the manor and is confronted with alfred's body and his good-bye message? oh. my. god. i was bawling. despite my penchant for sad narratives, i don't tend to cry that much, but this got to me so bad. like i had to pause because i couldn't see. amazing.

red robin. his cowl is so ugly, but i really do love the run. i see a lot of discourse about it and also a lot of...interesting fanfic takes, so i don't really talk about it a lot here because it feels like most people are kind of tired of hearing about this run, which fair. i really enjoyed it as a sequel to his solo robin run. tbh, i almost put this in the guilty pleasure catergory, because there are a couple things i don't totally love, but like if the others are 10/10, this is 9/10.

young justice 1998. i love this comic so, so much. i don't even know what to say, i get so overwhelmed with joy when i think about this comic. nothing has hit the same way with this group since either, which is a crime. i need a title with this team so badly.

guilty pleasures

these are all runs/events i know some/most? people cannot stand and i totally get why, and i have problems with them, so i'm probably never going to rec them in good conscience but also like i can't lie and say i don't like them. these are not recs, okay? okay.

robin war. is it a hot mess? yes. but there is not a whole lot of canon content out there with all the boys working together, okay? so much of that event had me banging my head into a wall, but for me, there were a handful of pearls in there. i mean honestly, if i listed out pros and cons the cons list would be way longer but those pros are very precious to me.

batman and robin: eternal. very similar reasoning overall to robin war. plus cass finally came back!! i missed her. i love robin!dick and batman content, and the kids working together. this is probably my least favorite guilty pleasure though, okay, it's on thin ice.

grayson. listen, i love janin's art sm. i'm pretty neutral about spy stuff, so like i don't engage with it a whole lot. meaning, although i've heard it's tropey af in regards to the genre, i'm not familiar enough with the genre to be like trying to dig my eyeballs out with blunt spoons at the cliche of it all. the constant sexualization of dick got old super fast, and her name may have been helena but she wasn't- my list of dislikes is lengthy. but idk, i had fun with it. and imo it does have some genuinely great moments, i love dick in the desert with the baby, the ache i felt when dick wanted to come home and couldn't get ahold of bruce, issue #12 stabs me in the heart- the dick and dami reunion? stoppppp. i feel like this run and the ric grayson era are dick's most out there lmao

so yeah!! thank you so much for this ask, i had sm fun answering it. if you have any recs for me, feel free to drop them :)

[commsroom]

first of all thank you so much for having this blog and sharing your thoughts!! your eiffelposting (and heraposting) has literally got me through the post w359 Grieving Process after running though the whole thing in about 2 weeks and your character insight is. well. chefs kiss. Eiffel Understander Of All Time. 2 things: 1, if it’s ok, you’ve mentioned before about an eiffel version of change of mind, and the idea has (1/2)

(2/2) literally stuck with me since and i’d love to hear your thoughts on that if you have any! 2, are there active w359 discords about bc i got a deep need to yap about all this (apologies if the first msg came through twice, tumblr's being weird)

oh, it makes me very happy to hear that!! your art is a gift, and i'm glad i can offer you something in return.

as for your question... yes! okay. the basic premise is to frame eiffel losing (and regaining) his memory as a catalyst for character growth, as a narrative parallel to lovelace's death and resurrection, rather than a resolution. i think it's noteworthy that the finale has eiffel faced with himself from first a very internal (the final confrontation literally taking place inside his head) and then a very external (hearing his logs as an outsider after losing his memory) perspective and i think the natural extension of this is, well. to confront him with himself.

one of the most key things about eiffel's character arc is that he wants to escape himself. "it's taken me this long to realize that running from everyone else means that you're alone with yourself" but, as addressed in constructive criticism, he's also running from himself. he doesn't like what he hears on those tapes, but the eiffel of succulent rat-killing tar both is and isn't the eiffel of brave new world, and i think that's what's being set up/suggested at the end.

i think viewing eiffel's memory loss as a death is incomplete, while viewing it as a "fresh start" or anything of the sort is incompatible with his existing character arc. but if you think of it as part of this pattern of eiffel trying to escape himself, and ending up still stuck with himself...? if he makes the big sacrifice, "escapes" the person he is as much as anyone can, and then finds he's still stuck with himself, still has to live as the person he is...? then, what next?

(i think this also ties in well with maintaining sobriety; addiction, self-destructive impulses and the desire to not be present in his life, etc. are all rooted in the same things.)

my concept of eiffel regaining his memory would be this sort of... fever dream "life flashing before his eyes" sequence of stepping into significant moments in his life (as a stranger) and interacting with himself, and needing to accept / reintegrating all of these versions of who doug eiffel is and has been. that the question of "am i still doug eiffel?" is one of accountability for his past but that he's always been changing and will continue to grow. i think a key part of this would be him seeing these moments through a pop culture lens / as if it's a movie and then more gradually seeing what they really are. ideally, these would be moments tied to specific songs for him; eiffel's internal soundtrack is well beyond wolf 359's budget, i'm sure, but it's a hypothetical anyway. these would be real memories, in some form, but obviously none of this would be happening for real; it's just how i think his brain would make sense of it (while he's presumably unconscious.) it's like sarah shachat said about eiffel's story in limbo: to tell that story, he would first have to make it a story.

i like this because i think it works well with eiffel's existing arc. i like it because it provides a different angle on self-exploration via memory in the same vein as memoria and change of mind. i like it because it makes a good potential parallel to shut up and listen/constructive criticism, and to mayday (eiffel alone with the voices of others vs. eiffel literally alone with himself.) it feels like a natural extension + heightened conclusion to things that i feel are already implied + set up. and, while i like where wolf 359 ended and would never want to add to it, i like imagining what zach valenti would do with a bunch of different versions of eiffel at different stages of his life interacting; i think he would knock it out of the park with material like that.

i think the real core of identity in wolf 359 is in these moments where people assert who they are, or decide to be who they are. again, in parallel to lovelace... the same way that lovelace decides to be isabel lovelace, "even if [she] never has been before", eiffel would decide to be doug eiffel, all the people he's been, the person he is now, and all the people he's going to be.

(as for discord... i think there are some, but unfortunately i don't know of any that i would personally recommend. you are always welcome to ramble at Me on discord, but i know that's probably not the same.)

[minnaci]

sorry i know i am not a hellaverse blog but i just watched full moon and i felt so strongly about it that i got out of bed, opened my laptop, and logged into the tumblr website for the first time in months because i knew i would want a full keyboard for this.

disclaimers: i enjoy the show and especially this episode! i like all of the characters, including stolas. what i say is colored by my own experiences and perspectives (ie, i am biased and this is my opinion)

tldr; i find it hard to like stolas in full moon. i also find it hard to empathize with stolas, if i'm being honest, and especially when it comes to his relationship with blitz. warning for full moon spoilers and discussions of racism-adjacent classism.

within the hellaverse exists clear social and economic stratification between "royalty" and "imps", with stolas being the former and blitz being the latter. much like in real life, these social identities inform everything about these characters and the way they interact with the world and each other.

stolas, to put it bluntly, is rich, and blitz is not. stolas lives in a lavish palace with imps as servants. he is not shown to interact with other imps outside of this master-servant relationship. hell, even when they were children, blitz was quite literally purchased for stolas. blitz's first impression of stolas was being sold to him, while stolas was none the wiser.

this is not necessarily stolas's fault. he was sheltered as a child, and even as he grew into an adult, he remained sheltered, seemingly ignorant to the very real class divide between him and his newest paramour. from the very beginning of their reunion, blitz uses his body to provide a service to stolas in exchange for his livelihood, and stolas accepts it because that's the way stolas is used to interacting with imps. stolas continues to "hire" blitz, both as a bodyguard and as a sex worker, and while he understands that this relationship is transactional, he doesn't really see anything wrong with it until the shitshow at ozzie's.

there is no awareness of how uncomfortable this might be for blitz. there is no empathy for how blitz might react. stolas treats blitz as an object, a plaything, a living, breathing sex toy (at one point, stolas calls blitz his "impish plaything". can it get any more clear?). as long as stolas owns the grimoire, and blitz needs the grimoire to survive, stolas can leverage that for whatever he wants from blitz. it's coerced consent. it's been coerced consent from the beginning. there is no acknowledgement that stolas holds the only key to blitz's livelihood. not until ozzie's.

only after blitz says, to stolas's face, that their relationship is completely transactional, does stolas finally begin to scratch the surface of how large their difference in perspective is. where stolas has been playing at a fantasy of being in love, blitzo has been doing what he needs to do to survive. to keep his family afloat.

and full moon. god, full moon. one commenter on youtube described it as an "ambush", and i am inclined to agree.

blitz was prepared to do what he's had to do. sex for survival. he bought out nearly the entire lust district for it, because even then he could sense that something had changed, and that he'd need to really impress stolas for things to continue as they were-- for blitz to be abel to continue to make ends meet. what blitz had no way of knowing, though, was that stolas was re-writing the rules of the metaphorical game they were playing. sure, stolas gives blitz the asmodean crystal, thereby "freeing" blitz from stolas's service, but in the same breath, stolas lays down a new set of expectations. stolas is no longer willing to accept sex as a service. stolas now wants love.

it would be a lot for anyone to take in. imagine you enter your boss's office for your performance review. you think this boss is hot. you maybe have a big crush on this boss. but they tell you that you're being fired, effective today. but they're giving you a foot in the door at a different company because they care about you. also by the way they fell in love with you, which is why they fired you. honestly? i'd probably react pretty poorly to that.

and for blitz, who has gone his whole life being told, implicitly and explicitly, that he is unworthy of love and care, both as a product of his personal experiences and as a product of his socioeconomic class, that's a whole fuckton of shit to take in. it feels almost logical for blitz to treat it like a joke or some sort of performance, because what other explanation is there? stolas is royalty. and blitz... blitz is just blitz. blitz, whose parents cared more about fizzarolli than him. blitz, whose father sold him to some rich asshole. blitz, who, in his perspective, knows better than anyone else that his greatest assets are what he can provide for other people: sex, assassinations, and more sex. blitz, who, in his mind, has ruined every relationship he's ever touched, from his parents, to his friendship with fizzarolli, to his fathering of loona, to his disastrous fling with verosika.

blitz, who was given all of thirty seconds to process that stolas really does "care for him deeply" before stolas dismissed him and shoved blitz out of his life for good because blitz didn't respond (read: perform) to his satisfaction.

i am not saying that blitz is perfect or blameless, because hell knows he's not. he took advantage of stolas's naivete in a plethora of ways. he's a literal murderer. he does treat the people around him poorly. he has hurt stolas, and fizzarolli, and moxxie and millie and even loona. blitz is brash, rude, and emotionally stunted. but much of this can be at least in part attributed to his childhood and the scarcity mindset with which he was raised. when every interaction you have is transactional, even the ones you have with your parents, it takes a lot longer than the 30 seconds that stolas allowed blitz to process that someone genuinely cares about you in a way that is not contingent on you doing things for them or otherwise being useful to them.

all that to say, i feel for stolas, but feel for blitz more. i think this episode did a really great job of like... really digging into the crux of the problem in the stolitz relationship, which is their fundamentally different perspectives and life experiences, even if the finer points about class and socioeconomic status weren't explicitly discussed.

[persephoneprice]

maybe this is silly but — do you have any thoughts on lucy grays specifically appalachian identity? I often think abt how the films erased the cultural / geographical specificities of district 12 even though it’s literally so so important to the books (it’s mentioned on page 2 of the hunger games) and idk I think it’s very interesting/ kinda funny and iconic that in response to that erasure suzanne collins literally made a character whose cultural identity cannot be erased without significantly altering her narrative function. On a meta textual level it’s also an interesting echo to the Capitol erasing lucy gray and then her being restored by the author - kinda? Idk I’m a huge appalachian folk nerd (it’s why I read tbosas lol) so I. Think abt it a lot

omg no this is not silly at all and i am so excited that someone wants to talk about Appalachian culture in the hunger games!! usually i feel like i’m just yelling my appalachian nonsense into the void. ps i love that you’re an appalachian folk nerd- are you also appalachian??

also let me apologize in advance- i started a new anxiety medicine and have felt awful and have had a lot of brain fog so it’s very possible that none of this makes sense or is even what you’re asking.

i ended up rambling a lot so i will put my actual answer under the cut:

the erasure of all the really appalachian things- especially the accents- in the trilogy will always devastate me. which i why i will go to my death defending rachel zegler against anyone who criticizes her accent in tbosas.

i love lucy gray and the covey because you absolutely can see so much appalachian and bluegrass influence in them and their lives- but the book makes it clear that they aren’t really district 12, therefore, not really appalachian.

i think in a lot of ways lucy gray really embodies an appalachian girl. she’s fun and strong and willing to do whatever it takes to survive. she’s not afraid of the woods or the creatures in it- she makes friends with the snakes. she loves music (my girl needs a banjo i will die on that hill) and brings that to her people. their performances are one of the few times that people in 12 really get to be carefree and have fun and it brings everyone together. music is such an important thing in appalachian culture and is something that always brings people together.

she as a double name and it’s important to address her using both- which is also a fairly common thing in appalachian culture, it’s rude to only refer to them by one of the names. (which is why if someone only calls her lucy i do not take their opinion on her character seriously at all.)

you can also see it in the way the covey are a family without all being really related and the way the older members take care of the younger ones. in the way they spend time at the lake fishing and swimming and collecting food from around the area to eat. in the clothes they wear. in their music (nothing you can take from me boot stomping version my beloved).

but i think the distraction that they aren’t really from district 12 and not really appalachian is important. you can see that in the way lucy gray describes the covey as outsiders in district 12. i think this is another way that you really see the influence of appalachian culture in district 12. it doesn’t matter how many similar traits that they have or how long they have lived there- they’re still outsiders to the people who have lived there their whole lives. they still aren’t fully trusted by the wider community because they’re different and not from around here.

i’ll stop rambling now because i think my brain fog is causing this to not make any sense but anyway thank you so much for sending this!!! i love talking about this!!! i would love to hear your thoughts as well

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

About the Adrienette relationship and how Adrien became the therapist trophy bf… idk if I can explain my thoughts right, but I feel like this is the result of a bigger issue with where the writer’s priorities lie regarding Adrien‘s obstacles?

Adrien‘s issues with his family are kind of not that important, or at least don’t affect him that much. When Gabriel does something shitty like not letting Adrien leave the house, it either gets resolved by the end of the episode or it‘s forgotten about. Gabriel‘s abuse feels to me more like a plot device to remove Adrien from the plot until the akuma shows up than a serious issue that affects Adrien mental being and needs to be resolved with therapy and Gabriel loosing custody over him. Adrien almost never talks bad about his dad, it‘s always „oh he‘s just overprotective of me“ or something. It’s like Adrien doesn’t recognize how crappy Gabe is, which does make sense for an abuse victim, but I don’t feel like the show frames this opinion as wrong.

Meanwhile in his relationship with LB, he takes everything super personal. He acts mean and entitled when she rejects his advances (even though he comes around in the end… only to try again a few episodes later) and he gets very angsty about LB… having more than one superhero friend. I know I sound dismissive, mostly because I though the whole arc sucked, but I do understand that it happened because Adrichat has abandonment issues. It makes sense why he feels that way. And he goes off to her in the s4 finale. So suddenly he can realize when he‘s treated badly in a relationship and talk about it? It‘s not like Lb treated him worse than Gabe, not even close!!

Adrien‘s main source of problems is his relationship with Maribug. This gets resolved in s4 on the Ladynoir side, and then in s5 Adriens biggest goal is resolving the Adrienette side, aka getting with a traumatized Marinette, aka the whole point of the show and probably the writer‘s only true priority. And when Adrien actually has a problem with his dad, it‘s only in the context of Gabe trying to sabotage the relationship, because who cares that he‘s an abusive asshole regardless of Adrien‘s relationship status? We need to save the relationship you guys!!

I guess what I‘m trying to say is that Adrien is the therapist in the relationship because (according to the writers), he doesn‘t really have problems. His only problems are when things are obstacles to his relationship with Marinette, which are her trauma and in the second half of s5 Gabriel being a dick to Mari. Other than that? Nathalie dying was a little important for like two minues, Emilie doesn‘t get brought up by Adrien in s5 at all, Gabriel dying and Adrien literally becoming an orphan is cool. None of these things have any influence on Adrienette, so they don‘t bother him and he doesn‘t need to talk to anyone about it or get therapy.

Love conquers all !!

So, confession time: I often tone Gabriel's abuse down when I write him specifically because of a lot of what you brought up (there's also the fact that it makes for a more compelling story if Gabriel's behavior is actually driven by grief and not just how he's always been, but let's not get into that). I've always considered it glaringly obvious that the writer's never meant for Gabriel to come across anywhere near as controlling and abusive as he's actually written. It really is just a plot device even though there are episodes that would have played far better if Gabriel had been less controlling.

For example, Glaciator would have been a far stronger episode if Adrien chose to not go see his friends in order to wait around for Ladybug because then he'd be super clearly in the wrong for flaking on a commitment and the lesson could be "don't put romance above your friends."

As-is, I have no idea what the moral of that episode is supposed to be because Maribug did nothing wrong outside of being a little rude to the ice cream guy, but Chat Noir also isn't really in the wrong because he was banned from going out as Adrien. There's a solid argument to be made for not wanting to risk punishment by going to a very public location with his friends. In episodes like this, it really felt like Gabriel's controlling, unreasonable nature wasn't being used to develop his character, but as a way to absolve Adrien of blame.

Along similar lines, the Adrigami plot in season five feels less like a thing that was included to make Gabriel feel evil and more like the writers desperately padding things out because Gabriel actually does very little to keep Adrien and Marinette apart. He could have pulled Adrien from school! He could have demanded Nathalie give back Adrien's ring so that his commands stuck! He could have interrupted the video game date and banned Marinette from the house. But he does none of that because he's not actually being controlling as a character thing. He's doing it so that the writers can add cheap drama to the Adrienette plot.

The clearest evidence of this is the wacky season five ending. That's not an ending you give to a person you consider abusive and evil beyond all hope of redemption even though that's arguably who Gabriel was by the end of season five. The writers are either ignorant to just how abusive he actually was or they know that he got pretty bad as the seasons went on, but they didn't want to change their planned ending so we got the ending they wrote when the show had less seasons and they'd done less to make Gabriel abusive.

It's just another case of that inconsistent characterization problem I've discussed before. By letting Gabriel be whatever they needed him to be for a given plot idea to work, they created a monster and made Adrien into a victim, but that's pretty clearly not the dynamic they actually wanted to write, so it all comes across as strange, wacky, and insensitive.

This is getting long, but I'll end by noting that I fully agree on the Maribug stuff. The conflicts they give Chat Noir and Ladybug make me super uncomfortable because they tend to center around her being a bad partner for... not reading his mind. Which is a massive personal pet peeve because so many people do this shit (myself included) and it's wildly unhealthy. Not saying she behaved perfectly or that this isn't an understandable flaw to give a character like Chatdrien, but it is a flaw and the show fails to treat it as such. It especially annoys me because it's a terrible conflict to give two people who are trying to keep the world safe. I've mentioned this before, but a big reason why superhero shows aimed at kids tend to develop both the civilian and superhero sides is so that the civilian side can focus on interpersonal conflicts and learn valuable life lessons, many of which will then be applied on the superhero side. Miraculous really needed to use this tool to help Adrien learn to communicate his very valid feelings. It's just bad writing choice after bad writing choice, adding up to a mess of a show no matter how you look at it.

Quick side note: I have nothing against people writing Gabriel as abusive as the show often makes him. I hope I've made it clear that I fully agree with that take, it's just not the take I like to use in my own stuff because it doesn't suit the kind of stories I enjoy telling. I prefer the happy family broken by Emilie's death route that the show pretty clearly wanted, but failed to write.

[ravewing]

Erm hi, you should totally talk about Flames relationships with the other Jma students like idk, maybe Carnelian or Umber

HAII HAI HIII HI !!!!! thank you for the ask bro get ready for a yap session

ill start out with carnelian – flame definitely looked up to her, at least in the brief time that they knew each other. she was strong, respected, a soldier who fought under ruby, and flame wished he could have had that kind of control over his own life. he saw in carnelian everything he wanted to be– feared, honorable, a real skywing who grew up with her own tribe. he had none of that. being raised by the talons set him apart, and carnelian’s disdain for him was pretty obvious.

but i think that if they’d had more time, their relationship could have evolved into something closer, maybe even a friendship. and id like to think that shed form some kind of respect for him, too, especially after she learned about the things he went through with the nightwings. i think that she reminded him of viper a bit, too, which could've made him more subconsciously drawn to her (with viper and flame having the (imo) closest 'bond' of the alternates). back on them bonding – i really do believe that they could become close over time (after they both got over their defensive emotional walls of anger and fire) especially given how carnelian was just beginning to become accustomed to getting close w/ other dragons (namely umber who also i think would help them become friends).

on the topic of umber – i personally dont ship flumber, but i do think that the two would get along very well. umber has that calm, grounded energy that could balance out flame’s anger and frustration. flame, for the most part, lashes out because he’s never had anyone to confide in; he's never had an outlet for his emotions. umber could be that for him– someone who listens and helps him work through what he’s feeling instead of just pushing it down. over time, i think umber would help flame find a sense of acceptance in himself. flame doesn’t really know who he is outside of all the anger, but with umber’s patience, i think he’d start to figure it out.

i say this a lot and i literally have no reasoning behind it but i like the idea of flame and pike becoming friends. i can imagine anemone casting a spell or something to make pike leave her alone, so this pathetic little wet dog of a dragon attaches himself to the tail of the scary red skywing that hes roommates with. he’s this small, irritating little nuisance at first, constantly following flame around, but eventually, flame gets used to him. there’s something about pike’s persistence that wears him down, and over time, i think flame would start seeing him as a younger brother. in a way, pike would remind him of squid– annoying, yes, but also someone he deep down cared about, even if he never admitted it. flame’s not great at expressing that kind of affection, but i think he’d grow to care about pike in his own way.

moving out of jade mountain here– i think flame and winter becoming friends would make a lot of sense, especially after the events of arc 2. winter, in many ways, was once where flame is now– hating himself, feeling trapped in his own anger and trauma, believing that he was beyond redemption or love.

winter could help flame understand that his scars don’t make him a monster. he’s more than his past and hes more than what others have told him he is. winter knows what it’s like to feel worthless, to carry the weight of past mistakes and believe that there’s no way out of that darkness. and because of that, he’d be able to relate to flame on a deeper level– he recognized the anger and pain that flame keeps bottled up. i can see winter being patient with him, even when flame lashes out, knowing that the rage isn’t directed at him but at the world and at himself, because hes been in flames exact situation before.

i also think that flame and peril could bond over their shared experiences of feeling like monsters—flame with his scars and anger, peril with her firescales and as scarlets champion. both have spent their lives believing they were dangerous, unlovable, and defined by the destruction they caused, so peril would understand flame in a way that few others could. she could help flame see that being feared and having a violent past doesn’t mean he’s beyond being loved or redemption. also something something about all skywings holding some form of resentment towards peril and flame not having that inherent distaste about her because he knows what its like to be an outsider too

some other characters ive thought about interacting with flame (but not long enough to actually formulate anything of sustenance about) are pyrite, liana, nettle, and sora.. maybe another day ill talk about them lol. sorry if this seems really disorganized and cluttered, im super tired and just got home😭😭

[marumarielle]

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐃𝐑 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 (𝟎𝟎𝟐)

๋࣭ ⭑⚝ another one after abandoning my schoolworks LMAOOOO. ๋࣭ ⭑⚝ this one is more family centered (DR STRANGEEEEEEEE!!!) because i miss my dad

tw: none rlly, just a moody stephen strange lols

mcu dr moodboard

dr strange is my father figure (HE NEEDS MORE LOVE FRFR)

He used to love to make letters for people he loves but after the accident he stopped making them because he's insecure lf his handwriting

But i tell him to do it anyway because it's a rare thing to receive these days

Then i got a letter the next day :DDDDDD

Stephen and I know each other so well he gets that parent sense.

Yknow, the type of parent sense where his gut just gives him a feeling of "Oh, she feels down today. I'll make her something to make her feel better"

also applies to danger btw (we'll get to that in another post 😉)

This man writes me letters with encouraging and reassuring words whenever i feel down but he'll usually slide them beneath my door because i tend to stay in my room after a bad day😭😭😭

He usually starts it off with a "I've felt something heavy on my chest for a while. Did something happen, sweetheart? Are you sleeping well?" AND IABDUSBSJWBDHW ILYSM YOU DONT EVEN KNOOWWWWWWW

idc about what anyone says, STEPHEN IS A MASTER BAKER AND COOK

this man is literally the eldest in his family and had 2 younger siblings ofc he had to take care of them

(p.s. the only reason y he stopped baking and cooking was because of his tremors)

I have long hair in my DR and so he whenever he's outside and sees a hair accessory shop, he'll come home with a paper bag full of hair pins, clips, clams, hair ties, etc.

He then says it would be a waste if i didn't use any of them so he'll style my hair himself (its his excuse for showing affection)

oh and THIS MAN HAS STYLEEE

he won't hesitate to tell me if my clothes don't match and then he proceeds to teach me how to style my clothes correctly

Doesn't let me fight enemies

Would literally step between me and an enemy with ZERO HESITATION (dw guys i scripted he doesn't die, HES MY DAD I WONT LET THAT HAPPEN DUHHH)

I would quietly steal his phone when he's not looking and take a funny selfie of myself (the one angle where the camera's near your forehead)

LMAO HE USED ONE OF THE PICS AS A LOCKSCREEN?????? okay dude, whatever makes you happy ig

He's also v strict tho

So. if im late he trains with this sour mood (he hates his time being wasted)

can sometimes be a bit harsh but v apologetic afterwards

he proceeds to cook something up for me as a sorry

that's all for now. i made this at like 1 AM so its v messy. TY FOR READINGGG!

[silusvesuius]

Your Depiction of Ulfric is literal perfection. I’ve never seen anyone who sees him in a similar way to me, until I found your account last year. I fucking love miserable old man Ulfric who could never catch a break since the day he was born. Every major event in his life (he can’t even decide which one’s the worst) shaped him in the worst yet most interesting way possible. I can’t speak enough about him, his messed up self esteem clashing with his ego, his repressed emotions and sexuality, his shattered image of his own body and mind, the constant loud arguments between the voices in his head (mostly just him arguing with hallucinations) *I’m definitely not projecting here* his unstable mood, his flashbacks and his odd obsessions with random harmful patterns he associates with familiarity. Because to him familiar=safe even if he’s basically only familiar to a constant state of worry and feeling like he’s being targeted or hunted down.

None of this seems to be getting better, at least not in a notable speed. Yet they’re all existing within a strong and powerful man. It’s quite the combination, he’s being weighted down by all of that baggage but his back is too strong to bend. He appears as if he has nerves of steel from the outside, but really if anything is made of steel in his mind, it’s the vessel that he uses to bottle all of that trauma up.

I already had a vague idea of his complicated relationship (obviously) with Elenwen but your version literally felt like it opened my third eye. It is scrumptious and your art is so beautiful it depicts every essence of it all perfectly without even needing to include words. I fell in love with it at first sight.

dis answer is kinda long so i'm (crumpling it up and tossing it under the cut)

Omg wtf Thank you's 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕 this is so well put together into words; i will do 9543 backflips for demented ulfric always. i've grown to like him in canon too cause he really has that, wouldn't even call it deceitful, weirdly-content personality.. but i don't think anyone in the writing room in sk*rim HQ knows how to write a character that has been through Anything, event of any kind, so he seems too 'perfect' for a person that has been through literal physical torture, to me, and his reactions to things that should be greatly upsetting are too mild. even though him being elenwen's victim is a piece of information that's easy to miss it seems like it also completely slipped out of the writing IOFDHDJFUIO LOL.. it all obviously adds up to him seeming more appealing as a fashie character to the audience, cus a visibly mentally unwell man wouldn't do it for most people, especially when you want to sway someone to be on his side of things.

i think it's quite smart for the st*rmcloaks to be presented as the more warm and welcoming types of people but ulfric should be the coldest of them all. Bro shouldn't even have the mental and physical capacity to seem Content with his life especially in that moment. he should be the type to use his civil war motivations as an excuse to stay alive if that makes sense, cause i don't think he really wants to live, but he has things to do to keep his mind and hands busy xchkvcjcvkl//

i also really love how ulfric only has galmar as someone he's really close to, it always seemed beyond genius to me, to write them like that, it's cute... he rly is the only person to suffer thru 4 hours of ulfric Peak psychosis monologue followed by 2 hours of trying to prove to him that th*lmor and imperial soldiers aren't hiding in the chests and under the beds of the palace LMFAOO galmar is the one guy who he can sob in front of and act like a little baby fishing for compliments and reassurance, and, not all that related to ulfric as a whole, but i strongly believe that having him be so vulnerable with galmar would make galmar really excited, it would make him feel good, like no other damsel in distress could deliver that feeling EVER. having such a seemingly-strong political figure rely on you Badly and madly would feel like something else entirely 💗 it's very off-putting and perhaps inappropriate of him to feel that way when ulfric is just searching for stability, but i think that even if ulfric knew galmar felt that way he wouldn't really gaf LOL. he'd turn to elenwen if there was no one else to go to cause he 'knows' her, and he'd torment elisif cause he 'knows' her as well.. but he would be completely closed off from making connections with other people 🏆

+ bonus; elenwen's feelings for him would border on everything at once, like, every type of relationship and connection that ever exists.. she really views him as the food she left over in the fridge and will get to eat when she's back from work as a reward

tl;dr him being scarier and more .. unkempt? from the outside would make him even cooler tbhs. he should become christian and develop religious OCD

[xf-cases-solved]

S1E22: Born Again

Case: In an episode I always get mixed up with Shadows (Shadows is better)—and one that David Duchovny is quoted as "detesting"—a little girl, Michelle, is found outside alone on the streets of Buffalo, NY, when she gets picked up by a cop and taken back to the station. While there, two detectives, Lazard (which I keep wanting to spell as Lizard) and Barbala interview her. Lazard leaves the room briefly, and in that time, Barbala gets launched through the window and gets pancaked onto the ground. The sanest assumption is that Barbala chose that moment to commit suicide, which still doesn't make any sense, but there's no way anyone else could have gotten inside without Lazard noticing, and Michelle couldn't have done it, bc she's just a little girl... right??

Hence the X-File. Mulder and Scully, and their team of deeply, deeply New York-sounding episode NPCs work together to figure out who killed Barbala. But as another bizarre death occurs, and weird coincidences start to pile up, Mulder starts to suspect that Michelle might be experiencing memories from a past life, as is the conclusion any sane and rational person would immediately jump to. 

A therapist has a cabinet full of unsettling, mutilated dolls; Mulder finally convinces someone to let him use hypnosis as a detective's tool, but then is denied a second time when he tries to push his luck; magic procedural cop show photo editing provides convenient evidence; and Michelle's mom just wants her daughter to be less creepy. (In her defense, her daughter is legit kinda creepy. X-Files kids are always fucking creepy.)

Does someone die in the cold open: Yes. Concrete pancake with a side of bacon.

Does Mulder present a slideshow: No, he's still recovering from the shame from last episode. (Jk, Mulder doesn't feel shame. Well. At least not about stuff like that. Shame and guilt about who he is as a person and the impact he has on the people he loves? That, he has in abundance, but that's neither here nor there.)

Does the evidence survive the investigation: Ig, but none of it was particularly good evidence to begin with.

Whodunit: A dead guy avenging his death by channeling himself through a creepy little girl using telekinesis. Probably.

Convictions: The one guy who doesn't die gets arrested for murdering Charlie Morris, AKA, who Michelle was in a past life or something.

Did they solve it: Maybe. The murder of Charlie Morris is solved, but that wasn't what they were investigating. They were investigating Barbala's death, and while Mulder and Scully but mostly Mulder can speculate on whether or not Michelle killed him (and if so, then how?), they have no definitive proof. (Also, cherry on top, Scully literally calls the status of the case "unexplained" at the end of the episode, so she agrees with me.) 

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Learning a new skill from a past life. Have you ever wanted to pick up painting or drawing? Maybe sculpting, or perhaps knitting has caught your interest. Have you ever wanted to learn the art of Japanese paper folding? Sometimes it feels like there are a million new hobbies you could entertain yourself with, but simply not enough hours in the day to learn how to do them. This is why we suggest learning a new skill from a past life! Instead of wasting all that time "practicing," try channeling the lives you've lived before. Once you remember who you used to be before your soul inhabited this new form, you'll also be able to remember all the skills you used to have. Was your past self a talented musician? Well, it looks like you get to save money on those guitar lessons! Were you a gourmet chef in the 19th century? Well, now you're a gourmet chef in the 21st century! The possibilities are endless. Learn a new skill from a past life today!* *(Channeling your past self may result in knowledge that you experienced a wrongful death, and an uncontrollable urge for revenge may surface. We are not responsible for any violent behaviors, weird attachments to past loved ones, or inexplicable phobias that may arise once you have gotten in touch with the history of your soul.)

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 11 (guess they're not so high above bureau standards after all...)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me" Phone Calls: 1 (i promise you this stat will get extremely high extremely fast once they get into the swing of things. like, an ep i just watched had it happen 5 fucking times, so just be patient lmfao)

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 7

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 8

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 11

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 3 (i don't remember it occurring, but my notes said it did so)

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 10 

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Nosebleeds: 4

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 2 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 1 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 3

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 1

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 6

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 1

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 1

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 0 :(

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 7½ (the people's accents in this episode are so strong it's impossible not to know it's in new york)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 5