#also like… part of me does wonder if the money is like. keeping her trapped

[tigerdragon1001]

“Some other nuanced answer”

I barely talk to my dad even though we live in the same house. He doesn’t care about my interests or is actively disdainful of them, and he refuses to compromise on any of his own interests if I try to reach out with something I think we’d both like and could talk about. He plays this song and dance with things he wants to do and sulks if you can’t work it out, invites himself to outings while expecting you to change anything planned to fit him, or he similarly sulks the whole time. He’s losing his hearing but refuses to accept it and doesn’t reply if he does hear you, meaning everything has to be repeated multiple times or he gets mad at you for repeating yourself. He thinks my mum and I are stupid or otherwise inept, it’s clear in the way he talks, though he has also explicitly used the word or said he “knows” we can’t do (insert activity here). But paradoxically, he acts like he can’t do anything and just sits there while my mum does everything. She literally brings him food on a tray, clips his nails for him, wipes up anything he spills, packs his damn bag when we have to travel. When he tries to “help” he does so in extremely condescending and damaging ways, like writing aggressive, demanding emails to my uni pretending to be me to try and get exam concessions. I don’t even give him a hug goodnight anymore because he likes to hold me by the waist or butt, and won’t stop even though I said it makes me uncomfortable. I honestly hate and resent him.

reblog for larger sample size :)

[feroluce]

Oh my gosh the way the Pop-Up Shop event ended and what it hinted at that's going on rn, and what it might imply about what's in store for the next time we see Sampo, I'm so excited AAAAAAA

Because it seems it really IS our Sampo, and whereas before I was absolutely delighted by the thought that he was possibly getting fucked with by some outside influence, and that was why he was saying such strange things... There's nothing quite like that going on here. There's no memetic virus messing with his head. There's no imposter, no possession, no nothing.

Just Sampo, and the ominous, all-consuming dread that hangs over his head like a guillotine, as he willingly walks right into what he is sure is a trap. ♡

Because this event was weird right off the bat, yeah? Sampo invites us in on a business deal that won't make him any money? The hell???

And I was just waiting on pins and needles for it to make sense, and oh, I was not disappointed at all. Because I've got a nice meta post about it over here, but Sampo actually DOESN'T make a lot of money most of the time- but he does always get something out of his dealings. He works for favors and good will and networking, but never for nothing. And it was the same here!

Sampo didn't make any money with this little business venture because that wasn't what he needed from it. That was never his goal to begin with. He just needed something entertaining.

Sampo has the key to get into the tavern's basement where Sparkle has been keeping his mask for him, but he still needs to be let into the front door of the tavern itself. The fun stories he got from this event were his entry fee. He leaves at the end because he's probably already on his way to Epsilon, where the World's End Tavern should be.

So that explains part of what was so strange this event. It's the rest of his ooc tendencies that have me like foaming at the mouth though because AAAAAAAAAA

There's long been hints of...some? kind of strain between Sampo and the rest of the Masked Fools. Like it starts all the way back in Belobog's main quest with the big infamous fourth-wall breaking sequence, where Sampo talks some shit.

And it continues in the Aetherium Wars event, where we finally get the confirmation that Sampo is a Masked Fool and even get to see him interact with Giovanni, one of his brethren! And where Sampo talks more shit. He also leaves the trailblazer a warning against Sparkle, who they hadn't met yet, and probably the Masked Fools in general.

And for some strange reason, it seems to be popular fanon that Sampo like. Talks a lot of shit? Or is rude in general? Like I feel like I see a lot of jokes about if Hook says a cuss word, it was probably his fault. But Sampo is actually pretty polite with everyone. I think the only time we really see him be harsh is when he has to set some hard boundaries in the museum event. Otherwise, he conducts himself like a model friendly businessman. Like he IS super shady and slimy, but he's still polite about it. I'm pretty sure the only time he actually talks any shit, and so bluntly, is about the Masked Fools or Epsilon as a whole. He really seems to have some sort of beef with them.

There's also his hilarious relationship with Sparkle, which I'm including for consideration because we don't know how common people like her are in the Masked Fools, so she might represent how Sampo interacts with a lot of them. ...But I'm pretty sure Sampo's grudge with her runs deeper than that anyway jdksajfdkljas

She's so funny I hope she fucks with him more FJDKSJAKD

Anyway, the point is, Sampo doesn't seem to see eye-to-eye with a lot of the rest of Aha's followers. And it was never hinted at before the pop-up shop event, but now I'm wondering if it might be like. An actual dangerous sort of situation.

Because during those brief packaging sequences, you get some. Pretty wild text dropped on you. There was actually a really cool explanation for it by another user already! But basically, all of the phrases are more fourth-wall breakage. They're mostly in-game achievements...except for one.

"This must be a trap create"

We never get to see the rest of the phrase. Just "This must be a trap create."

That is the only one we don't have an explanation for yet, at least as far as I know.

AN EDIT: Thank you to @/kittaykattz for this one, because it looks like someone DID find the source of this line. Unfortunately, it only came up in my search after I looked for the full phrase. I couldn't find it on the wiki before orz And yet this somehow does NOT make it any less ominous ajfdklsjkl The full phrase is "This must be a trap created by a Masked Fool!" and it comes from another in-game achievement, "Boxes and Ladders." Which is really cool, because I had figured the last line must be something from Penacony, since it was the only area not represented so far. So in that way, it fits perfectly with the rest of the text. Now we have one achievement from every area of the game, which fits with the theme that Sampo has been following the Astral Express, the trailblazer specifically. It's the way that it doesn't fit that's the weird part though. Because the rest of the lines that come from in-game achievements are all titles; that's why they were so much easier to find. For some reason, Hoyo saw fit to single this one out. They didn't use a title. They specifically chose the line about falling into a trap set by a Masked Fool, a trap with seemingly no way out, where one's only choice is to take a leap of faith and pray to make it out ok in the end.

Love that. Absolutely love that. That's so fucking tasty, I will be daydreaming for days on end now about Sampo finding himself in a horrible situation with no way out where all he can do is make a desperate attempt and pray to whatever might listen (probably not Aha fjaksljdk) that he'll survive it WHEEEEEE

Because Sampo talks so strangely throughout the whole event, but it gets worse day by day, morose and morbid and dreading and sometimes even almost like he's warning the trailblazer against something about to happen.

I've already lovingly discussed it in an analysis about Sampo's name (alias included) but like. There certainly are some fun connections there. The Sampo of myth was smashed and lost to the sea. Poisson was flooded. Brueghel died suddenly and left a final painting of a storm at sea unfinished.

The Masked Fools are referred to with imagery of water and the sea. And frequently so.

And so I do wonder what Sampo knows, and what he's expecting to happen when he gets to that tavern at the end of the world. If maybe he thinks he's walking right into a trap, and is doing it willingly, doing it anyway, because, well.

Belobog is on the line.

And Sampo has already proven he seems so ready to do whatever it takes to protect it.

[leafyeyes417]

I decided to create a masterpost or two with all the reblogs that I like in hopes that when someone sends out the “help me find that post” I can find it faster. It will be added to slowly because I do not have the patience to do it all at once. Also in no particular order of preference.

Keep in mind none of these posts are my works and I do not claim them as such.

If you see *** they are really good prompts with lots of reblogs.

Will be edited later, last updated: 7-21-24

Masterlists

Multi-story masterlists

dcxdpdrabbles

Hdgnj

Tu-turu-turah

Somnoir

Specific Story lists

Jason is Catnip to Danny

Hyena Danny

Finally Getting Help

Wrong Robin

Badger Day

Man has needs

Almanac

Take out for Dummies

Danny is just some guy

Changling AU (part 5, other part links at bottom of post)

Fast Car Driver Danny

Haunted Car

Harmless Series

Don’t eat anything

Hero Tweets

Just a Bite

Single posts

Ellie-centric

Ellie realizes how dangerous Danny’s home is

Danny’s Rescues from the Infinite Realms

Green Lanturn & crew stuck in IR

Dead on Main

Jason courting Danny with a casserole

Overprotective Fenton parents shovel talk

Danny courts Jason by giving him wine cups made from the Joker’s kneecaps

Jason becomes a Ghost Summoner after giving Danny food***

Dream Lover***

Soulmate summoning ring gone wrong

Dead Tired

Coffeeshop accident

Dead Serious

Dead Silent

Danny kills the joker with his thighs

Danny on the run from the GIW

Superman startles Danny and gets a concussion***

Danny In Gotham

Sleepwalker Danny who escapes all traps

Unknowing Fae Danny works at coffee shop

Danny pretends to be a Vampire***

Feral McGee

Danny only gets a Vacation from work in Gotham

Danny seems like an Oracle of Delphi***

The GAV affected by Fear Toxin

Tucker streams while Danny does what Danny does in the background***

Danny is kidnapped(?) by Batman***

Danny gets hired for a money laundering front***

Portal is built in Gotham, not Amity

Naga Danny

Villain Danny

Danny’s obsession is twisted, forcing him to be a villain

Danny teaches heroes their mistakes by being the villain***

Adopted Danny (as in not Bio Fenton)

Danny is Hal Jordan’s son

Harley asks Batman to take away her son

Harvey Dent is Danny’s bio parent

Danny adopted by Bruce Wayne

Danny distribution system

Danny makes a sales pitch to join the Batfam

Reincarnated Danny

They wake up as Talons

Reincarnation

Clockwork reincarnated as Alfred

Misunderstanding’s that end in chaos

High Danny mistakes Batman for Jack

Mis-text-derstanding

Summoning Danny

Number is not in service

Danny: Please get that stalker (Ra’s) away from me

Demon Twin/Brothers

Damian is normal by Amity standards

Maybe(?) his lost twin

Nyssa steals Danny

Danny undercover in Amity

Jazz decided she wanted a brother

Tim Twins/Brothers

Danny and Tim are half-siblings

Danny sleep teleports to another dimension

Jason and Danny are brothers

Jason is a Baby ghost, adopts babier ghost Danny***

Ghost King Danny

Danny needs to take care of the Lazarus pits

Danny finds out there is a Ghost LOA

Miscellaneous

Danny possesses the president

Danny takes Jason’s online cooking class

Danny forgot what is regular human

Jack was a hitman named Phantom

Ghost Calls

Danny & Jason have the same scars

Superman was supposed to wait for the JLD

Water Core Tim

Fenton Driving curse still applies

Danny asks Wonder Woman to make him a grave on Themyscria***

Kryptonite is actually trapped souls

Danny and self-fulfilling prophecy

Danny pretends to be a demigod son of Hades

Danny gifts Red Robin a jar with Ra’s eyes

Vlad Cloning Danny was actually a much worse offense, breaks oldest ghost law

Amity got put back in the wrong place after the Pariah Dark fight.

Jason involuntarily taken to the ghost hospital

Phantom Letters

Danny learns Astral magic

Miscellaneous Angst

GIW succeeds in shooting the portal

DPxMarvel

Loki falls through to the IR and is adopted by Danny

Pure DP (not crossover)

Danny was Eldritch the whole time

Danny gets sprayed with a chemical where he hallucinates the person he hates

Demon!AU (with Art)

[cowgirlcherrie]

hiii :) i was wondering if you could do headcanons of modern! ellie

Hiii lovie of course!!!! ♡♡

a/n: this is kinda drabble-ish but would love to do more of these, so keep requesting them LOL! This is a little sporadic but I love it, so I hope you enjoy <3

warnings(?): not really much mostly fluff sfw, with slight suggestive undertones but really if you squiiint

modern! Ellie headcanons

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

♡ Ellie would definitely be in college, part of her doesn't know fully why she applied but she was giving it a shot

♡ totally an undecided major, science? teaching? psychology? She really doesn't know at first but settled on psychology so she could get her degree

♡ makes you wear a necklace with her initial on it (totally possessive)

♡ magically always had weed, which was also confusing at first but she just had that good of connections around town with local plugs and dispensaries.

♡ always has a blunt tucked behind one ear

♡ makes you trim her hair because she doesn’t trust anyone else touching anything on her body.

♡ always loosing her lighter so you bedazzled it and she literally never lost it after that, she would rather die before losing that lighter now

♡ if you have stuffed animals, she tries to remember their names but gets them wrong every time

♡ A few months into dating when labels were now on the relationship, would gift you little things and act like it wasn't her.

♡ once gifted you pre-rolled blunts and you were definitely confused but before you could give them back would kiss your cheeks before saying "No take backs"

♡ keys jingle when she walks, and it's loud asf too!!

♡ whenever you can't find her she's definitely in the gym

♡ low-key would get addicted to going in her free-time ( gym rat ellie ?????)

♡ definitely rubs your back while you are studying or working from home, keeps one arm rubbing circles in your lower back and another on her phone, she enjoyed the comfort of being close even though you kept shushing her. (she’s definitely playing subway surfers or scrolling on tiktok)

strong believer that she would accidentally get tiktok famous, but everything she would post after that one thirst trap would be just videos of you

♡ loves dressing you up, quite literally sits at the edge of the bed while you try on different clothes leaning back as you come out of the bathroom,

"Twirl for me doll,"

" I love that color, you should wear that more often"

♡ one day when you see her playing guitar and beg on her lap that you want to learn, Ellie will literally take you to the guitar center the next day to get you your very own

♡ spoils the crap out of you!!!!!

♡ lovesss teasing you and resting her hands on your upper thigh especially when you wear something revealing like skirts or shorts, she tucks her hand way too close up.

♡ touchy touchy touchy! always has to be touching you somehow

♡ leaving kisses on your neck 24/7 because of the way you jump when her lips touch your skin

♡ skincare nights go so crazy, took a lot of convincing, but will be right next to you with a facemask on while you watch a good show

♡ definitely dominant 80% of the time

♡ pet name Warriorrrr ( baby this...doll that) she literally doesn't stop

♡ if you ever go to a party together definitely shares alcohol with you so you don't drink too much

♡ if you are drunk after will take your make-up off and do your night time routine for you

♡ wakes up late as fuck!!! totally wakes up at 2pm like its nothing

♡ definitely mean to everyone else but you.

I'm talking about glaring at people 24/7, crazy attitudes, and people basically asking for permission before they speak.

♡ whenever she catches you doing your natural hair, begs to help which results in her wanting to do it every washday

♡ at first, Ellie didn't understand the hype behind matching fits but does it just for you

♡ overall Ellie is just a simp for you like literally only cares about you, weed, and getting money

[rue-dixon]

Bro-in-law Dandan propaganda pt. 2

part 1:

When Chilwife first left, she went to Dandan first since he was closer. Dandan thought it was just a normal fight again, until he saw how upset she was. He tried to convince her to stay until Chilchuck came back and just talk to him about it. But she was too adamant about at least needing a break. So eventually he gave in and gave her money and anything else she needed to get to Flertom.

Uncle Dandan who's courted a few woman more than Chilchuck. So he gives relationship advice to his adult nieces, saying it's better because "he clearly had more experience." While Chilchuck is like "you've also had more failed relationships than me, so whose advice should they really take?"

While Flertom's over here, "you both are the reason I don't like half-foot men you know... neither of you can keep your relationships..."

When Dandan finally does get married everyone is really happy for him, especially his sister.

During the wedding ceremony reality kinds randomly hits him. And he starts panicking thinking he won't be a good husband, or a good father. He starts to worry what if they can't have children. Or what if he's making a terrible mistake, or that he's not a good enough man for his soon to be wife. Chilchuck calls him ridiculous, saying of course he's a good man, his sister made sure of it. And he's so good with his nieces, he'll be a great father.

His sister is so excited for her brother during the wedding. She's happy he finally settled down, since he got married kind of late for halfling standards.

Chilwife: "Oh! I wonder if she'll let me help deliver their babies.."

Chilchuck: "you're a little too excited about that don't you think...?"

Uncle Dandan who will never stop messing with his sister. "Hey, Mei, next time you see your mother ask her if she baby trapped your father, 'Kay?" And Mei being like 3 just shrugs because she (wrongly) trusts her uncle and doesn't know what that means and does it.

"I still don't see what you see in him, yeah I'm his best friend but I still don't get it."

Chilchuck needs to tell his wife something important but is having trouble finding the right words. So Dandan offers himself.

"Here, talk to me like you would her. Pretend I'm her, people say we look exactly alike all the time."

"Oh yeah, you look just like her but ugly."

The girls wonder why they see Uncle Dandan all the time but not their other three uncles and aunt on their mom's side. The real answer if that Dandan just lives close by and works with their dad anyways, and Dandan and his sister have always been close unlike Chilchuck and his siblings who are practically strangers. But Chilchuck's response is "because your auntie and uncles all have their own family and lives to take care of. Unlike Uncle Dan who leaches off ours."

"Look. I know we're close and all but do not complain to me about your bedroom life please. I do not care how dead it is."

"I wasn't going to?! That's wrong with you!"

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

Dandan who had some piercings on his big old ears (which his sister fussed at him for of course) which inspired Meijack to get her own. And her mother almost had a heart attack, and practically yanked her brothers ear off. He says it was worth it to this day.

Uncle Dandan who Puckpatti is closest with. And comes to with basically all her problems, which kinda annoys her parents. Saying he should encourage her to come to them instead of him. But he's like "well sometimes you two are the problem so"

"Sometimes I remember my best friend got my sister knocked up three times and it makes me want to die."

"Dandan we're married??"

"Doesn't matter."

Dandan introduced Chilchuck to Laios partly because he thought a big job like that would be a good distraction while he figured stuff out with his wife. Little did he know this "distraction" would end up lasting like three years and he didn't go talk to her like Dandan told him to.

Flertom: I love my father and uncle dearly, but they prove my point about half-foot men.

Dandan making very loud and obnoxious gagging sounds if Chilchuck or his wife accidentally slip an affection name for each other in front of him.

Assuming we're running with some older rules. Men aren't aloud to be present in childbirth. So in my mind, Chilchuck waited outside, listening to his wife deliver their first child in pain. Which scared little Dandan, so Chilchuck had to comfort him telling him his big sister will be ok. Which oddly helped Chilchuck feel like he prepared to be a dad.

I love how most of the fandom agrees Dandan is a flirt based on basically nothing. Agreed this is true. And it annoys the hell out of both Chilchuck and his sister. He also has a thing for elf woman.

"No wonder you can't seem to get married. Your eyes wander too much!"

"Elves Dan?? Really?"

He low key loves it when the girls ask him to help them go behind their parents back. Because no matter how old he gets, theres still a little shit inside him.

Dandan who has a way worse death rate than Chilchuck, but is so unbothered by it. Even telling his sister about each death so casually who's just losing her mind.

Little Meijack wanting to be an adventurer like her daddy and uncle but they both band together and scare the shit out of her (and the other girls) with stories they've xperienced to keep them far away. They got in a lot of trouble with Chilwife for it.

It's funny when people don't realize that Chilchuck and Dandan are related or friends. They'll complain to Dandan about Chilchuck, normally based off rumors. And Dandan's just trying not to laugh.

Dandan may or may not have started a few rumors about Chilchuck. Then later completely denied it.

Dandan who has a thing for elf woman. And his sister is just disappointed, shaking her head like "what would mother think..."

Dandan to one, if not all the babies. "Say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck say fuck-"

"Oh you want this but your parents said no? Alright I'll get it for you but if they ask it was an unprompted gift and this conversation never happened, deal?"

He thinks it's funny how loud Flertom is since both of her parents are so quiet. He called her a "tiny screaming goat"

Whenever there's a festival being held Dandan likes to meet up with his sisters family. He doesn't do it every time but he still sometimes, especially when he wasn't married himself yet. When he was he usually would be there with his own family, see them in passing say hi before continuing their days.

He would give his nieces lots of sweets that he would save for the next time he saw them. His sister would fuss at him that he's spoiling them and they're going to rot their teeth out. But he didn't care.

(This probably will be the last one. Sorry Dandan nation with population of two </3)

[savagewildnerness]

I’ve been thinking on Gabrielle elsewhere & I thought we could discuss her here? I’m curious regarding everyone’s thoughts on her & feelings towards her!

I find her desire to be in nature & shun humans very relatable & also, likely, the true secret to surviving immortality. Also, I’m sure 100% of us born female can in some way relate to Gabrielle’s experience. And imagine how much worse her experience of being born female must have been in the 1700’s. What a claustrophobic thought! I don’t know how I: someone who has never dated or loved could have survived back then!?

But her coldness, I find so difficult: to Lestat, who she says she loves & who she does sometimes show love to… in a way I find her way more damaging to Lestat than his Father & brothers, who simply hate him. At least Lestat knows where he is with them. Gabrielle intermittently offers Lestat love & hope… but only ever on her terms…. And then she pulls away to the TRUE opposite of love. Which is not hate. It is indifference. It feels to me like at least 90% of the time, Gabrielle is indifferent to Lestat. What could be more loveless than that? Yet he loves her, like a little donkey, reaching for the carrot of her love. And she kind of keeps him dependent on only that love too. Lestat has nowhere else to feel love from… at least until his Mastiffs.

Gabrielle disconcerts me even when she listens to Lestat in crisis. Again, sometimes she shows love. But often she treats Lestat like an interesting work of art… he is interesting to her for as long as she gets some interesting artistic fulfilment from what he says. But she as often responds with her own experience or merely leaves him be & withdraws again as that she offers comfort, I feel.

Then, when she is turned a vampire, I suppose it’s unsurprising, given who she is that Gabrielle feels zero empathy towards any human anymore. But it’s truly terrifying to me.

And in the end, I just can’t forgive Gabrielle for not teaching child-Lestat to read, as a voracious reader herself. It would have taken so little time & she would have gifted him worlds. But no: she could only ever offer Lestat a thing money could buy, for him to work out entirely alone. Rarely ever love.

I know Lestat loves Gabrielle, but I don’t think what Gabrielle feels towards Lestat is love. I wonder if maybe she even envies him in part, because he is a boy & that could influence some of the ways in which she denies him? Of course, she also admits she keeps Lestat trapped at home as surely as his Father & brothers, so perhaps Gabrielle never teaching Lestat to read isn’t her ignoring or not noticing his needs & desires, but rather acquiescing to her own: Gabrielle doesn’t want her son to be literate as it could be a means for him to escape his home & then she would be entirely alone?

There are such complex dynamics. And I’ve not even touched on how Gabrielle shares her sexual fantasies with her teenaged son yet…

Of course, it’s clear in part Gabrielle has postnatal depression, in how she feels nothing towards any of her children (& we must remember that Lestat’s surviving brothers were certainly loved even less by Gabrielle.) And poor Gabrielle was trapped from a young age in a loveless marriage, without hope in a way that is so different to 2024, yet was so common 250 years ago (almost Universal?) that we can imagine… but it is only imagining…

But still, I have such complicated thoughts towards Gabrielle. On the one hand, I find her so relatable & I find her withdrawal from humanity relatable too… but that’s from my perspective as someone with few humans in my life. I deeply do care about the few humans that aren my life! But her coldness & lack of empathy - honestly, it makes me feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering over an infinite void! I find it terrifying, unsettling, deeply disturbing.

I want to do a poll, but I’m unsure the question… let’s see… (also note, I haven’t fully discussed gender… I refer to her as “her” here, as she is in the books, but I think she is likelier to not be “her” in the show, at least in modern day, which I’m really looking forward to how she is written & portrayed.)

I am fascinated to experience her TV self, but I have such complicated feelings towards Gabrielle.

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man ch.1-4

Put the kids to bed, lock your doors, and grease your sprocket bearings, because July 31 was yesterday and that means it's

That's right, it's finally time to liveblog that popular manga series by Tatsuki Fujimoto, His and Her Circumstances. No, wait! I keep forgetting the name of this thing. Sorry. No, we're actually going to spend this month covering Chainsaw Man.

To be honest, I don't actually know a whole lot about this thing, except that it stars a man with chainsaws for his hands and face. And there's this spooky hot lady in it. That's... yeah, that's about it. Does his dick turn into a chainsaw too? Is the spooky hot lady underage? Well, I learned a long time ago that I'll never get a straight answer unless I read the thing for myself.

This was actually a recommendation from @rakruined way back in 2021. It's taken me this long to get to it, but suffice to say the internet buzz for this thing got my attention. I've seen cosplayers, discourse, reblogs of popular scenes, but none of it really makes much sense beyond "These are characters from a popular manga". So let's dive in and see if I can't form my own opinions.

I'm only planning to cover the first 97 chapters, because my understanding is that this was the first part of CSM and the second part is still ongoing. Also, I only set aside a month for this, and I doubt I can cover much more than a hundred manga chapters in that time. If this goes well, we might look into the rest of CSM in the future.

Now, before we get too deep in the weeds, I think we need to establish one thing up front. This is a completely new series for me, and I know nothing about this Tatsuki Fujimoto. It's all well and good to write a manga about chainsaws, but is he just doing this for a quick paycheck? Is he riding the wave of chainsaw hype? I guess what I'm asking is: Does he even like chainsaws? Or is he some phony?

Okay then. I think we can do business here.

So this story is about a sixteen-year-old boy named Denji, who is deep in debt. To pay it down, he sold one of his eyes, a testicle, and some other organs. He cuts trees for a living. Also he hunts devils, since there seems to be a lot of money to be made in that line of work. Unfortunately, it might still take a livetime to pay back what he owes, and he's stuck living in abject poverty until he does.

In one scene, Denji eats a cigarette for some spare cash, which he uses to buy enough bread to eat one slice a day. He's heard people put jam on their bread, but he can't even afford this.

Denji's only friend is a devil named Pochita. Shortly after Denji's father died and the Yakuza threatened to kill Denji unless he repaid a bunch of his dad's debt, Pochita wandered up to the gravesite. Denji resigned himself to debt, but noticed Pochita was injured, so he allowed Pochita to bite him, since human blood is supposed to help devil's regenerate their bodies. Denji called this a contract, where they would help each other survive. And with Pochita's help, Denji hired himself out to the Yakuza as a Devil Hunter to pay his debts.

But this not-so-cozy arrangement doesn't last. One night the gang takes Denji to some spooky lair to take down a devil, but they reveal it was a trap. The gang tried to make a deal with this devil for greater power, except this devil's power turns humans into zombie slaves, so it's not much of a bargain. Anyway, this devil sics his army on Denji and they chop him and Pochita to bits.

Huh. Well, it was pretty short, but the art was nice. I wonder if that lady was from some other series... Oh wait, we're not done.

At some point during their friendship, Denji told Pochita that if he ever died while Devil hunting, then he wanted Pochita to merge with his body. Or something like that. Denji only knows that devils can do that sort of thing, and Denji's proposing this because he thinks Pochita would be able to survive on his own more easily this way. So when the bad guys dump their remains in a dumpster, Pochita begins putting all their pieces together.

Denji wakes up to discover his wounds are healed. He even has his right eye back, and presumably that one testicle he sold. Also he's got pull cord sticking out of his chest, similar to the one Pochita had for a tail. In some sort of dream or hallucination, Pochita tells him that this is another contract between them. He'll be Denji's heart, and in return Denji will go on sharing his dreams with Pochita, because Pochita always enjoyed listening to Denji's dreams of a better life.

But the devil who killed Denji is still there, and he's pissed that Denji somehow survived. It occurs to him that the mobsters were just like him, even though they had a lot more money and power. They had aspirations for more, which led them to dealing with the devil who made them zombies.

But they clearly followed their ambitions to a bad end. Denji pulls the cord on his chest and turns into some sort of man-like creature with chainsaws coming out of him. A "chainsaw man", if you will. At first the devil thinks that means Denji is on his side, but Denji still considers himself a Devil Hunter, and killing all of these guys will wipe out his debt. I don't know if he means the payout for this caper will clear the debt, or if he thinks killing all these Yazuka-zombies will wipe the slate clean. Maybe both.

When the slaughter is finished, he changes back to normal, and is discovered by a different group of Devil Hunters. Led by Makima, these guys are with "Public Safety", so I assume they're a government agency, as opposed to civilian devil hunters like Denji.

Makima senses that Denji is somehow both human and devil, so she gives him a choice: Either she kills him as a devil, he can serve her organization as a human. She refers to him like a pet, which Denji seems to accept readily, because all he wants right now is food. She promises him bread with jam, and some other stuff, but honestly, she had him at "bread with jam."

True to her word, Makima takes Denji out for a meal, but before he can eat, a civilian shows up talking about a devil who abducted daughter. Makima doesn't want her noodles to get soggy, so she tells Denji to handle this alone.

Aren't noodles... supposed to be soggy? Like, the idea is to soak them in boiling water to make them soft. How much wetter can they get? I'm thinking of like chicken noodle soup here.

Anyway, Denji tries to object, since he's exhausted and starving, but Mikama insists. He's her dog now, and she has no use for dogs who don't follow orders. So he's got no choice.

It doesn't take long for Denji to find the girl and the devil, but the girl pleads for the devil's life, claiming they're friends, and her dad abuses her. Denji can sympathize, since he was friends with Pochita, after all. So for a little while he's conflicted, but he suggests that the three of them can run away together and escape from her father and Makima. But the whole thing is a setup. The devil was controlling the little girl with his powers and tries to ambus Denji. But he failed to consider one thing...

That thing is chainsaws. I believe it was Sun Tzu who wrote: "When setting a trap for your enemy, first make certain that he cannot turn himself into a monster with chainsaws for hands."

Denji succeeds in his mission, so Makima finally lets him eat. She even feeds him, since he's so worn out from the transformation. The noodles are soggy, but he doesn't care, because he's been living on bread this whole time. Also, he's got the hots for Makima, so working with her is a pretty cool arrangement.

Or it would be, except Makima takes him to their headquarters and assigns him to work with some dickhead named Aki Hayakawa.

It's around here that Makima's whole manipulation bit comes into focus. This isn't some one-sided infatuation here, where the girl has no idea how the boy feels about her. Makima is clearly aware of Denji's feelings and she's perfectly willing to use them to get what she wants out him. And she can get more out of him by constantly keeping herself just out of his reach. Oh, we're going to be working together all the time... well no we won't, you'll be spending most of your time working with my other subordinates.

It's a bait-and-switch that I find... Well, let's just say "surprisingly relatable". Denji's too young to know how this turns out, so he thinks if he goes through all the hoops he'll earn Makima's favor, except she has no interest in favoring him. He's just a curiosity, to be discarded when he's no longer compliant or useful.

When they're alone in an alley, Aki beats Denji up and tells him to quit. He can tell Denji's only in this because he's got the hots for Makima, and Denji admits it. Aki feels that Denji's not cut out for this work because his motives are too shallow. Only those with strong motivations and conviction can hack it in this business. But as Aki turns his back on Denji, he's forgotten one thing.

Knee to the groin.

Aki made a nice speech, but here's Denji's rebuttal: He actually got treated like a person today, which might seem shallow to some, but for Denji, it's a dream come true, and he'd go to any length to keep this new lifestyle going. Aki thought he could scare Denji out of this with a simple beating, but Denji got killed yesterday, so you're not gonna run him off with a few punches. Also, Denji's willing to fight dirty. I'm sure Aki has some kind of badass fighting style, but Denji's fighting style is to focus all attacks on the balls, and it seems to work well.

And this is why I'm not impressed with Aki as a character so far. He doesn't approve of Denji, and he's clearly intended to be a "rival" character, and he's very serious motivations for devil hunting, but so far he hasn't shown us anything that makes him worth having around. We've already seen people treat Denji like shit--hell, that's all anybody ever does in this comic. What makes Aki such hot shit?

Anyway, Makima wants Denji and Aki in the same squad. Aki's the leader of the squad, but Makima wants to pick a roster with a "unique experimental setup."

Their first mission together is to kill a fiend. This is just another devil, but one who has taken possession of a human corpse. Isn't that what Pochita did to Denji? Apparently not, Aki says, although how the hell would he know? I guess the difference is that Denji can switch back and forth between human and devil form, while fiends are stuck in this one form.

Anyway, Aki wants Denji to kill this fiend so he can see his devil powers in action, but Denji decides to decapitate him with an axe instead. Why? Denji says that his chainsaw powers are kind of painful, and he wanted to give this fiend a quick, merciful death.

Aki gets all pissy over this and warns Denji that he shouldn't waste any sympathy on devils. Aki also informs him that a devil killed his entire family in front of him, which is probably what got him so motivated to do this kind of work.

Aki leaves in disgust, and Denji reveals the real reason he held back: He wanted this guy's dirty magazines, and all that chainsaw-slingin' might have gotten blood all over the pages.

Denji reflects on his recent good fortune, and realizes that he still wants more, even though he's already succeeded beyond his wildest ambitions. What is his true goal? The other devil hunters and the police want to protect their families, and Aki wants revenge, and Makima wants... something, probably. What does Denji want?

He concludes the answer is to touch boobs. Now, I saw someone on Twitter the other day trying to paint Denji with the same "anime pervert" brush used for characters like Master Roshi. That misses the point. Denji is a teenage boy, an orphan living in a violent world, forced into indentured servitude to the Yakuza, and now forcibly recruited into Makima's group. Until now, the best he could hope for is some jam for his bread.

The joke with Roshi, tasteless as it may be, is that he's introduced as this "Invincible Old Master" who's advanced so far in the martial arts that he's above all worldly desires and concerns... except he's still a giant horndog like teenage boy. Denji is a teenage boy. It's not the same thing.

I should also point out that Denji, lonely and desperate as he is, recognizes that he can't just go up to Makima and ask to touch her boobs. That would be awkward, even if she likes him. That's something Master Roshi couldn't figure out for literal centuries. It's not the same thing at all.

What we're seeing here is Denji advancing up Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs. You know the one.

Usually this gets turned into a meme, where someone will color most of the diagram in and label it with something they like. But for Denji, he literally started at the bottom and he's working his way up. He achieved physiological safety when he met Pochita, who could help him kill devils and help him pay down his debts. He achieved safety when he merged with Pochita and Makima recruited him. Now that he's physically secure and has a meal in him, he's thinking about the next level: belonging and love.

I mean, he calls it "touching boobs", but come on. He's never been to school, his parents died when he was young, and he's been living hand to mouth for years. He doesn't know how to articulate any of this. That doesn't make him a bad person.

Anyway, Makima later introduces Denji to the next member of this squad, Power. She's a fiend, like the one Denji killed earlier, but she's part of this devil hunting group. Makima wants Denji and Power to work together as a team building exercise.

And Denji's fine with that, because Power has boobs, and he might find a way to touch them if he plays his cards right.

Overall, this is a promising start. I feel like I still haven't gotten to the true appeal of the characters yet, but I'm sure we'll get there.

[tobiasdrake]

~I'm mis~behav~ing! To the volcano I was expressly told not to visit.

There's a strange crystal jutting out of this mountain. I'm sure it's not important.

So this is Torment Peak. Bit of a misnomer since we are at the base of the mountain but okay. We've got a mysterious door that only Solstice Warriors can open.

Pardon, that not even Solstice Warriors can open. My mistake.

Don't really see what the big deal is if everything's locked down. Doesn't really warrant a "STAY AWAY FROM THE DANGER ZONE" command.

Unless he thinks I'm a determined little shit who will keep banging her head against a brick wall until it caves in. Which. Fair.

In any case, I guess we should go check out the Sacred Grove now.

Also, there's a giant tower in the ocean with a crystal. Bet you money that crystal, like, beams light onto the prism and then Something Something.

That is a very large mechanism and I want to see it active. For shits and giggles.

I am ready, at long last to make paths through water. This has to be what my prophecy was about. I'm pretty sure we fulfilled Garl's back at Malkomud and Zale's dragging his feet on accepting lunar supremacy but this has to be my moment. Let's go!

Right after story time.

Is this about the Botanical Horror? I was wondering what the hell that was.

Sounds like Death needs to lower her fucking standards. She has reaped the lives of every living thing that has ever been on this planet and not one of them, not one was ever good enough for her?

Staring at the magnificent beauty of nature like, "EHHHH, 6 out of 10." Needing scientists to fabricate a shape that's impossible to occur in nature before you'll deign to call it pretty is the very epitome of unrealistic beauty standards.

Hold up, why is Death's magic wicked? It's a natural part of the life cycle.

Maybe this was all in good fun. I mean, the botanist was trying to prank Death. Maybe Death pranked back.

Oh goddammit, is this the Celestial Willow again? Does every part of this world have telepathic compulsion flora!?

That has to be a trap. I don't buy that Death would have woven an enchantment that bestows immortality to others.

Yep, that's a trap alright. So instead of counter-pranking the botanist, Death counter-pranked everyone.

Botanist: Let's do an immortality experiment. I'm gonna make a flower so pretty that even Death will refuse to claim its life. Death: Funny. I'll raise you the Instant Regret Rose! You guys want immortality so bad, huh? How much are you willing to utterly destroy yourselves to get it? Let's find out! It's like a contest except that the only way to win is to make peace with mortality and stop trying to cheat me.

But unfortunately, there are others. Some people would take the existence of such a thing as a self-imposed challenge. Not even for the immortality. Once you've put a pain flower out into the world, there are people, especially men in their late teens or early twenties, who are going to make it a contest of pride to see who can hold the pain flower the longest.

Just. Because.

I. Kinda. Want it.

Not for myself. Of course not. But it's an eldritch flower that causes irreversible lasting harm to anything that touches it. If there was a way to weaponize that....

Like, I wouldn't dare wrap any part of my staff in it. Do you know how often you touch yourself with any given part of a bo staff? Both on purpose and by accident? There is no safe location anywhere on this thing for something so vicious as the Instant Regret Rose.

But if we could make. Like. A jabby stick or a club or something with the rose on the end? We could really fuck some people up with that.

See? It was a prank. One that I'm sure must have been absolutely hilarious from her perspective.

"Wicked magic." That's fucking rude, Teaks.

[divinekangaroo]

Currently, you are my favorite fic author as I’ve probably mentioned multiple times lol. Sorry in advance if this rambles, but your writing always makes me guess and look closer and it’s nice when you can ask the author your questions:

In reading your latest, I audibly gasped when Michael thought of Tommy as a priest when he was talking about his cock under the ROBES?! Crazy. I loved it. Also Michael asking about Lizzie was insane, but it’s also insane to give your aunt who’s like a mother to you’s son a list of vetted prostitutes.

Also! The little dialogue between Tommy and Lizzie where Michael is just sitting there. I can just hear her say his name, it just charged with so much emotion and AUGH. What sort of tension were you going for in that situation? Especially with Michael wondering what Lizzie does with her money— the payout money.

And I might just be stupid and tired right now, but why does Michael seem scorned (other than the fact that he was the bottom rung) that Tommy fucked Lizzie at the office? What made him ask for Lizzie, if nothing but a power play? What does Tommy retracting the card and saying that he couldn’t afford Lizzie say about him and their relationship?

Again, thank you for writing all these fics, they bring much joy <3

@lethargicmouse Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! When I did my re-watch, I jotted notes of what was going on at every point in time and I try to keep some allusion or reference to as many moving parts in any of these fics as feasible.

And then there's the format of these little fic-bits/flash fics, too, which I love because they lend themselves to being like a little puzzle box for both writer and reader, packing so much meaning into a single sentence such that one isolated word carries weight.

On top of the attempt at canon-integration, though, I also carry a lot of headcanon into this, so pls forgive if I speak about matters as if personal headcanon is canon because it's not always...

So answering your questions/thoughts -

After being taken away from his mother by the Church, Michael was canonically sexually abused by Father Hughes. There's also a strong allusion that he was (maybe sexually but also physically/verbally) abused by his adoptive father Mr Johnson, given his adoptive mother Mrs Johnson tries to bring him back home later in S4 by informing Michael his adoptive father has died. On top of this, Michael appears to have the same kind of intelligence/metacognition/ambition Tommy has and was able to do his night business school for further learning, but was nevertheIess then stuck on the farm with the white well he wanted to blow up -- this boring, abusive presentation of the pastoral 'ideal' that comes up so often in British literature and which is always subverted in Peaky Blinders.

Into this pastoral hell walks Tommy, dripping with wealth, the trappings of class, modernity/cutting edge thinking, lying to Mrs Johnson as smooth as breathing and with no shame when she calls him on it. He doesn't exactly rescue Michael but creates a framing which is: if you want this, come and get it. And Michael does, where he then discovers the layer of violence which enthralls him - here is where he fits in, here is why he wanted to blow up that well, here is his blood.

In S2, Michael is taken into prison by Campbell in a powerplay between Campbell and Tommy. He was 100% definitely physically abused in prison and likely targetted by Campbell if not other inmates, we see that in him being beaten up. He may have been sexually abused, but this seems less likely from his reactions. But to be released from prison, it's not Tommy who does anything, it's Polly who has sex/is raped by Campbell to secure Michael's release - and Michael is told this, mockingly, by guards (power figures) who probably laugh about his whore mother. Michael reacts badly to this for many reasons, but I'd guess a part of it is shame from his own past abuse - a sense of victim blaming. He takes a long time to relate to Polly again and S2 is framed as a series of choices for him, where he decides to stay with Tommy (and Polly) out of ambition for wealth despite now knowing and experiencing the consequences (prison, rape, abuse).

S3 he rises through the ranks accordingly but also takes the fall back into prison at the end of S3.

Pre S4 timeskip, Tommy's now made good his promise to release everyone from prison/criminal conviction, but Michael's nearly died as well as suffered in prison again. In my headcanon, he's also had to listen to John expounding viciously on Tommy's behaviours and history in a less than flattering way; John is almost 100% convinced Tommy will purposely let them die so he can get on with his clean, non-criminal life, and because Tommy's desire for this seemed to increase with Grace and post-Grace, John doesn't hesitate to also slag on Tommy and his women, his use of prostitutes, his sleeping with Tatiana, his getting the cream while they get shit, his fucking of Lizzie when Lizzie was supposed to be John's wife, etc -- I also theorise Michael hadn't realised Tommy x Lizzie was going on in front of him. All stuff that Michael hasn't really thought about Tommy before. Arthur doesn't want to think Tommy's purposely abandoned them, but also thinks maybe John's right, so says nothing at all, internalising and feeling completely impotent and lost. This doesn't help Michael, as Michael is the only one sitting there with a thought of, but Tommy promised he'll save us, but he has no history to rebuff John's rancour, and as well, Michael's own belief is being rapidly eroded away.

Then Michael goes home and his mother, too, is completely (and embarrassingly for him) emotionally and mentally (and spiritually) adrift, also bitching about but conflicted about Tommy, and all that entails. Michael returns to work with Tommy because he still wants this wealth, this life that Tommy represents, and Michael still kind of respects Tommy and knows he hasn't learned enough yet, but there's also this sense that the illusion is fully shattered: Michael now looks at Tommy and what Michael sees is a very flawed man who's barely holding it together, and who takes risks (in business and personal life) and abuses his power to do so without considering the cost on others/family. (Note it's not about whether this is true or not, it's what I think Michael is seeing.)

So then we hit my flashfic with Michael back at work, but looking hard at Tommy with a very different, disillusioned and non-idealistic lens.

When Michael thought of Tommy as a priest - so Michael's first encounter with power/authority is a priest who abused his authority. Michael now has a sense that Tommy has abused his authority and created situations of sexual abuse (for Polly, maybe for Michael, and also by fucking 'his secretary' who isn't even 'Lizzie' at that point in Michael's id reaction, just someone who is not in a position to say no to her boss the way Michael couldn't say no and Polly's no wasn't heard). Let's not also think about that mythos where you 'inherit' the power of the man you kill - and Tommy was the one who had the power to give Michael the order to kill Hughes; that sense of Hughes' power/corruption transitioning to Tommy.

Michael asking about Lizzie was insane -- 1000% a gut-level power play, not actual desire for Lizzie. But also, Michael doesn't ask for Lizzie. Michael says 'What if I asked for Lizzie.' Michael is instinctively pushing a sore spot (his own, Tommy's,) trying to call Tommy on his hypocrisy and power abuses, not actually want Lizzie. And Tommy recognises this immediately.

but it’s also insane to give [your younger cousin] a list of vetted prostitutes -- not for Tommy? I wrote an earlier flashfic where Tommy's father takes them all to a brothel ridiculously young after possible abuses/sexual abuses in the Parish's care. This sense of 'you feel unmanned, come fuck a woman and feel like a man again'. Forgetting that apart from Arthur who didn't get taken away, they were...not men yet, even in the measure of the day. This is unusual (at least all in the same room) but not unheard of for working class men to set their sons or younger brothers up with whores, partially because of the sexual mores of the day regarding keeping good girls virginal until ready for marriage but men expected to have ample experience to bring to the marital bed. Tommy in the future demonstrates this with Finn, too. However, this peace offering by Tommy is instantly repulsive for Michael because 1) represents abuse of power for sex again, and 2) it represents a low class thing to do no matter how classy the whores are and is an overly simplified offer to address all the complexity Michael's feeling now about Tommy, and 3) Michael's sexual experience prior to this was with Charlotte, a rich, upperclass girl, not a prostitute. Be like Tommy but with more class? Michael sees himself sleeping with upper class women, not classy prostitutes.

Also! The little dialogue between Tommy and Lizzie where Michael is just sitting there. I can just hear her say his name, it just charged with so much emotion and AUGH. What sort of tension were you going for in that situation? So this is Lizzie doing what she genuinely was trying to do in S4 early - make Tommy speak to his family again in person and get over the current estrangement. My headcanon is Lizzie has no family of her own she connects to, and while she came into the Shelbys via John or Tommy as a sexual partner, she's fallen in love with this entire Shelby family, this sense of everyone everywhere all at once, and she just wants them all to be connected again. However, all she sees is Tommy being proud and prickly, not hurt. Tommy is very hurt, and while he is proud and prickly and won't cave in, there's a bitterness there that Lizzie doesn't see or respect. So the tension was Lizzie speaking from a place of love but also annoyance at what she sees as childish behaviour; Tommy's speaking from hurt and pride and authority to shut her down. What is also behind this, too, is that I think Tommy has withdrawn from any sexual or soft encounters with Lizzie and probably did so immediately after handing her that money at end of S3, a closure point. So she has a level of longing in her outreach which he also shuts down and will not indulge. He regretted being weak, I think, and needing to lean on her, and probably hurting her too, and is trying to build up walls against being so vulnerable, exposed, used in the many, many ways he was vulnerable and exposed in S3.

Especially with Michael wondering what Lizzie does with her money— the payout money. So this line was tying into the sexual power/sexual abuse of power layer for Michael in a few ways. There's classism: 'What's a lower class bint do with this much money' is one part of it. But more significantly, Michael witnesses Lizzie getting a wad of cash for Tommy fucking her, and then Tommy gives everyone else a wad of cash for...services rendered (Tommy fucking them, if in a different way.) So Michael is looking at that money somewhat bitterly because of what he had to lose to gain it - basically self respect and respect he might still carry for Tommy, who let Polly take it and Michael take it and his brothers take it, all tainted with this strange sexual layer due to the various abuses Michael perceives.

why does Michael seem scorned (other than the fact that he was the bottom rung) that Tommy fucked Lizzie at the office? A combination of Michael's soreness at his own blind spots, at being kept blind, and a slight disgust that Tommy was exercising that kind of authority/abuse in locations Michael now has to look at daily and be reminded of. I theorise the grand imprisonment at end of S3 struck Michael as a huge surprise; he knew dodgy busienss was happening but the extent of it -- and then the fact Michael was imprisoned for Hughes' murder, which Tommy authorised -- really stung.

What made him ask for Lizzie, if nothing but a power play?

Tommy's behaviour around Lizzie is visibly out of character, which suggests there is something there that can be exploited. He employs her in a very visible, important position when she doesn't really add much class to his outfit. She can't spell. She has no prior experience. He admits she helped him; he effectively admits he's soft because of her (heart breaking comment). Michael's lashing out at evident weaknesses, similar to what Mosley does in S5. It's also poking at the prostitution thing and the fact Lizzie was supposed to marry John and that they went to the extreme with Angel: purposeful or not, every act Tommy's taken with Lizzie so far has been to make her unavailable for other men, the huge power play piece is if you really want to reconcile with me would you make her available for me.

What does Tommy retracting the card and saying that he couldn’t afford Lizzie say about him and their relationship?

Tommy recognises Michael is sore about something but conflates it to the 'unmanning' / loss of power of being imprisoned. After all, Michael's come back to work so he can't be really sore at Tommy, acn he? So Tommy does what his father did and offers the women/whores as a way to feel like a man again. Michael's response immediately makes him realise he's misjudged why Michael is sore and that it's far bigger than that; Michael, too, is pissed off at Tommy but unlike the rest of the family, Michael is ignoring that for reasons unknown and is coming back to work. Tommy's distrust starts now: what is Michael doing and why is Michael doing it? Tommy immediately withdraws all offer of easy reconciliation from the negotiating table. XD He also uses the term 'you couldn't afford her' as a counter play: all right, Michael, let's assume Lizzie is still a purchasable sexual commodity; you, you little jumped up shit thinking you can dig at me, you couldn't come anywhere near the amount of money and prestige that I've given her. Get back in your box.

After which let's imagine Tommy promptly heads over to the Midland and fucks in a fury all of his rotation of prostitutes and keeps fucking them with widely varying levels of interest through to start of S4.

(And this doesn't really touch on the Michael-wants-Tommy / Michael-wants-to-be-Tommy / Michael-wants-to-be-better-than-Tommy themes either, but there's a strong undercurrent of that, sexualised and not, in any of my Michael & Tommy flashfics)

Thanks for your questions and the opportunity to do a mini Director's Cut! Hope it was entertaining.

.

Link to the flashfic referenced above: and not one god his fury spares

[ilikelookingatthings]

funniest part is carcel’s fanboy XD

I love how Ines was definitly offended on Carcel’s behalf when she heard some dudes talking smack about his skills and integrity that she chose to not humiliate them infront of veryone(even though she was tempted) and went even more exstreme to accuse them a bit of treason and for it to get back to their bosses.

but the funniest thing is seeing sweet Second Lieutenant Jose show up with his crush on Ines which had a parallel to her second husband....how there can be some difference in how guys approach those types of crushes...but I also love her still not making too many excuses since it doesn’t change that its a crush on a married woman who’s husband is at the party AND on the higher end of being their boss. Jose might be sweeter than most but its still some trash behavior to approach someone with a crush like that when you say you respect their husband(or wife).

but we end up seeing Jose actually DOES respect the hell out of Carcel to the point Ines wondered what was the point of approaching her with Jose’s crush and she wondered for a second if Jose had a crush on Carcel.

Carcel is so on edge knowng she keeps trying to set him up with other people(and probably understandably on edge with another man alone with his wife... who has a crush on her when Carcel keeps getting people blantantly saying they want a shot at his wife in letter and in person). Carcel could seem unreasonable but we know Jose’s crush on her so it feels a bit like some karma that Jose earned...

The hilarity of petty Carcel just throwing Jose’s jacket off the balcony and telling him to fetch it like a dog(the jacket Jose lent to Ines) and annoyed as hell Jose might have widened Ines’s weird ideas about Carcel while we know Jose is just praising Carcel is hilarious...I hope Jose shows up again XD

plus all is forgiven with Jose talking Carcel up to his wife and more with the opening where Ines said she could understand a man falling for Carcel because he is so Handsome and flawless. like DAMN Ines...how is Carcel suppoused to not fall for you calling his physique perfect and that everything about him is breathtaking!?

I’d melt into a puddle in his place XD

but damn, petty feral Carcel caling poor Jose scumbag and apologizing while calling him that again x’D

lets hope Jose can spread no one can come between Carcel and Ines and try to save any other poor chaps who fell for Ines at the wedding...save Carcel some trouble with having at least some back out XD

and we end it on a mystery about how Carcel’s glove is torn and bloody for some unknown reason.

also some extra thoughts are about how it makes me think of the difference in how Carcel fell for Ines and how Emilio fell for Ines as she compares how Emilio reacted to Jose. It felt a bit quick with Emilio and while soft, it did feel very love at first sight type of thing...now of course that IS a valid feeling as whats important is if the feelings are returned and how they grow...but its kind of interesting to think about since Emilio and Ines were so in love that Emilio kind of let some stuff pass like her not being the best with money.

But its kind of interesting because Carcel while he does love her and will indulge her also seeing aware and willing to get on her nerves and has stuff that can frustrate him about her. He was a bit flustered when they were younger about her being near and washing his hands and fell a bit in her trap...but there was some awareness of Carcel’s end of things....which is kind of interesting because even though lots of use see Emilio as Ine’s great love compared to Carcel(so far) as Ines isn’t in love with Carcel......people kind of forget that Emilio was ALSO part of her trap. Yes, Ines wanted true love and someone who genuinely cares to make up for her first and worst husband ever the prince...but she ALSO used Emilio to run away from her family and avoid marrying the prince since the timeframe to marry the prince was small enough she couldn’t just call it off(or at least they wouldn’t let her call it off).

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

The Drowning Game by Barbara Nickless

Taking a chance on a new book is much easier when every book previously read by the author has been excellent. I met this author on her second book, was hooked, and have been on the line ever since. This is either a standalone novel or perhaps (fingers crossed) the beginning of a new series.

What I liked:

* The Legend of the Merlion and how it tied into the story

* The perfect title for the book and the story behind it

* The epigraphs that introduced each section

* That Cassandra Brenner’s introduction in August grabbed me and made me want to keep reading

* Nadia Brenner: yacht designer, wealthy, close to her sister Cassandra, daughter of generational megayacht family empire, loves her family, believes in the work she does, in a relationship with Matthew, learns and grows a lot, has inner strengths she finds in this story

* Cassandra: strong, enjoys excitement, loves Shanghai, puts family first, protective, caring, not seen much but pivotal piece in this book

* The yin/yang of the sisters personalities

* Learning more about yachts and yacht building

* The plot, pacing, setting, and writing

* The subplots that bring in more than one family name and the issues and the family histories that impact the present in a variety of ways

* The new tidbits learned about Asia, Asian philosophies, games I’d never heard of

* The tension and reason for it

* The twists, turns, secrets exposed, and how it all came together in the end

* The ending…but also wondering if perhaps it is just the beginning of a new series…would love to get to know the main characters better?

What I didn’t like:

* Who and what I was meant not to like

* Thinking about Karma and wondering about how it might have played a part in some of the characters’ lives

* The loss of some of the lives of some of the characters

Did I like this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Yes

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas & Mercer for the ARC – This is my honest review.

4-5 Stars

BLURB

A woman’s investigation into her sister’s death exposes the dark side of a secret life in a gripping novel of power, money, and murder by a Wall Street Journal bestselling author. Sisters Nadia and Cass Brenner are heirs to Ocean House, a decades-old empire that builds superyachts for the rich and emirs, oligarchs, and titans of industry throughout America and Europe. They’re a next-generation success with the design of their soon-to-be-commissioned megayacht for a Chinese billionaire. But the sisters’ entrée into the coveted Asian market is tragically cut short when Cass falls from a fortieth-floor hotel window. A Singapore detective rules suicide. Nadia’s been in the yacht business too long not to be suspicious. Especially when she discovers Cass’s involvement in dangerously illicit activities. Pulled into the same web of betrayal, lies, and secrets that trapped her sister, Nadia is on the most perilous mission of her life. Because uncovering the truth behind her sister’s death could tear the Brenner family apart—and it just might get her killed. From Seattle to Austria to the South China Sea, Nadia must hold on to the one thing that can keep her safe. It’s the Brenner family Trust no one.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Barbara Nickless is the Wall Street Journal and Amazon Charts bestselling author of Play of Shadows, Dark of Night, and At First Light in the Dr. Evan Wilding series, as well as the Sydney Rose Parnell series, which includes Blood on the Tracks, a Suspense Magazine Best of 2016 selection and winner of the Colorado Book Award and the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence; Dead Stop, winner of the Colorado Book Award and nominee for the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence; Ambush; and Gone to Darkness. Her essays and short stories have appeared in Writer’s Digest and on Criminal Element, among other markets. She lives in Colorado, where she loves to cave, snowshoe, hike, and drink single malt Scotch—usually not at the same time. Connect with her at www.barbaranickless.com.

The Drowning Game by Barbara Nickless Thomas & Mercer | January 1, 2025 | 380 pages | Trade Paperback Original | ISBN 9781662510014 $4.99 Kindle e-Book | ASIN B0D183RYWK $19.99 Digital Audio | ISBN 1511344261

[hollymbryan]

Blog Tour + #Review: KILT TRIP by Alexandra Kiley!

Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the HTP Books in-house blog tour for Kilt Trip by Alexandra Kiley! I've got all the details for you below, along with my review!

About the Book

title: Kilt Trip author: Alexandra Kiley publisher: Canary Street Press release date: 5 March 2024

For fans of Emily Henry and Sarah Morgenthaler comes a brand-new Scotland-set romantic comedy. In this enemies-to-lovers romance, one woman discovers more than the just the magic of the heartland's lochs and landscapes—but not before clashing with the proud Scotsman she's forced to work with. Addie Macrae has always followed her wanderlust. As a travel consultant, she turns struggling businesses into world-class tour groups. Her job comes with the perk of jetsetting around the globe, which means never being in one place for too long—just the way she likes it. Since her mom passed away ten years ago and her father never stopped grieving, no place has felt like home anyway. But when she’s sent on assignment to help a family-run tour group in Scotland—the one place she swore she’d never go—Addie has to shed her emotional baggage and turn on the professional charm. Logan Sutherland’s family business is operating just fine, thank you very much. The Heart of the Highlands was never meant to make the family rich, rather to teach sightseers to appreciate the beauty of Scotland’s hidden gems, which are more captivating than any tourist trap. The last thing Logan wants is some American "expert" pushing Outlander-themed tours and perpetuating myths about the Loch Ness Monster. And for a travel consultant, Addie oddly doesn’t seem interested in learning about the land Logan loves. Equally put off by each other, the new colleagues clash on every company decision. Then Logan discovers Addie does have a personal connection to Scotland—it was her late mother’s favorite place, one that now lives on in a handful of faded Polaroids Addie kept from her parents’ Honeymoon. She wants to seek out the places in the pictures, but is worried that she's too late to capture the wonder of following in her mother's footsteps. Logan is convinced he can help Addie get some closure, and the two realize, when they agree, they actually work pretty well together.  But Addie’s contract with The Heart is almost up, and the business is still losing money. They can’t afford distractions, but there’s no denying the intense chemistry between Addie and Logan. Besides, how can Addie do her job properly if she hasn’t explored all Scotland has to offer?

Add to Goodreads: Kilt Trip Purchase the Book: Bookshop | B&N | BAM | Amazon

About the Author

Alexandra Kiley writes big-hearted romances full of banter, found-family, and deep love. When she’s not writing, you can find her drinking tea, hiking, or gazing adoringly at the mountains of Colorado where she lives with her husband and two kids. Her novels are inspired by her semester in Scotland where she fell in love with not only the lush and magical land, but also the people who invited her into their homes and made her feel like family.

Connect with Alexandra: Website | Twitter | Instagram

My 5-Star Review

I desperately want to visit Scotland and have since I was younger. Outlander is one of my faves - I read the books as they came out (yes I'm old lol) and I adore the show - and I watched so many Hallmark Christmas movies set in Scotland 🙈 So when I heard about Kilt Trip and the chance to be part of the street team for Alexandra Kiley, I jumped at the chance! American travel company consultant travels to Scotland and meets hot tour guide in a kilt?? Sign me the eff up! 😂

I'm so happy to have been able to read an early copy of this delightful romance. I laughed, I swooned, I cried - literally every emotion ran through my body reading this book! There are some open door scenes, but they are relatively mild, what we used to call "tasteful" (even though it's not my favorite way to describe it). Logan was gaaaahhhhh just gorgeous and swoon worthy!! 😍 I absolutely loved him from jump. Addie is a strong woman, my word she is stubborn, but she's carrying so much grief with her and she's been so hurt that she has walls up for days. Logan may just be the one who can finally do that! Plus there's an amazing family, snooty sheep, adorable hairy coos, and so. Many. Kilts.

Any fan of romance needs to read this one, it's an absolute delight (even when I was crying - thanks Alexandra) and I want everyone to read it and then gush with me about it! Thanks again, Alexandra, for having me on the team!

Rating: 5 Stars!

**Disclosure: I received an early e-copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley for purposes of this blog tour.

[dloveg]

Episode 1

This show has awesome characterization.

Xu Si: The guy maximizes his time. There is an event, but he uses the lull to close his last deal for his current company, attends the stocklisting ceremony, says goodbye to his boss (who does not want to let him go), and not a minute later, starts working on a deal for his new job.

He is a luxurious guy, but he dresses down when he visits a factory, so much so that he was mistaken for a lowly junior assistant.

Drama gives us some false impressions about him in these early scenes. 1) he is manipulative (a. the "trap" statement - he tells the other party a trap is laid out for them outside of the negotiation, when it seems he is the one trapping them. of course, we know later on that the trap statement is actually true. b. his asking about the "daughter" to use her to get close to her father - later on we suspect this is only half true as he seems to already be interested in her). 2) he is vindictive (a. he is angry that mr. jiang has not talked to him, thus, he intended to bring down free unicorn/TY - not true, he did not do the company any harm. b. used the money to buy hamburger as revenge for jiang hu looking down on him - again, not true as we see him keep the bill and note).

*xu si using jiang hu to get close to her dad immediately tickled my fancy, I like tropes like that, laying down a trap and getting entrapped in it.

*xu si felt inconsiderate when he made an eating wu guanglei follow jiang hu

*xu si immediately understood what jiang hu was doing (from the fake fight, the internet trend manipulation, to getting zhao yang fired) and was not against those actions, instead admires them haha. honestly, he looked smitten by her because of these so that his instinct was to approach her in a flirtatious manner right away

*xu si has a stylish aunt who takes care of his clothing and disapproves if he dresses cheaply

*xu si does not hide his enthusiasm in waiting for jiang hu, I think that was cute. again, it was vague for me

*xu si lets guanglei think something happened between him and jiang hu the night before

Jiang Hu: people in the office are used to her strutting around as the boss' daughter. I initially thought she actually had a marketing position in the company, but drama says otherwise. She still does work for the company though, given that she organized the live streaming anniversary event. She has a very entitled aura, but it seems to be harmless. If anything, my first impression of her was a dumb spendthrift - which is further reinforced when she left her unscarred shoes on the streets.

*but the old apartment scene is a GREAT choice of exposition. not only does the audience become curious on what she's doing there, the audience also feels xu si's interest about her also go up. double win. I love that jiang hu is also unreadable in this scene, there is no clear reaction from her, which makes the audience wonder 1) is she getting the hamburger from this area? 2) is she buying textile supplies for the factory? 3) is she getting knock off shoes? 4) was she annoyed by that old lady who knocked off her shoes? 5) why did she throw those shoes? seriously, that sequence is genius in heightening up the curiosity about our female lead

*about the dumb part - the show immediately debunks this by showing that FL is smart and has commanding presence. this is further enhanced by xu si's admiring looks (since xu si has been established as competent, his approval gives weight to jiang hu's competence as well). People say the main leads have no chemistry but I completely disagree. The main leads are clearly shown to have a meeting of the minds (from stylish clothes, to manipulation) very early on. For me, they are one of the most compatible pairings I've come across.

*her confrontation with zhao yang reveals she's manipulative. I think most audiences started to dislike her because of this but I did not because between the two characters presented, jiang hu's authority had won me over zhao yang's submissiveness to her mom. it is irrational, and I dont know if it was the failure of the ZY actress or intentional on the storytelling, but jiang hu is just a more likeable person for me. jiang hu is smart and unpredictable while ZY is your normal boring usual female lead at this point. jiang hu is unapologetic, she has a plan and she will execute it - pretty much the same thing she accuses xu si later on in the series.

*her reaction to xu si: she knows him! did she find him cute at first sight? did she ask her dad about him? again we dont know. she acted annoyed but she definitely played along. a part of me thinks they actually slept together that night (although, they most likely did not).

*the box of shoes, did jiang hu just gave her maid the cheap shoes she got earlier? this makes her character shady because she literally threw away nice louboutins. in episode 2, we realize she's actually genuinely nice to her nanny.

*she matches clothes with xu si! they look so good together.

*she held out his tie out in the open, she is no chaste girl and plays the liberal type (later on, we learn she's been in love with one guy her whole life and is actually very shy when she truly likes someone)

Zhao Yang: the girl is an art nerd, she will find the opportunity to paint anywhere, anytime. she is a nurtured employee as her bosses pick her up. and she gets the annoying mother trope, so at this point, I was sure my main leads would be free from the family drama staples haha.

Ji An: Honestly, no feelings for him this episode. he was just a wallpaper for me because they have established that he's someone who takes care of zhao yang.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Hi may I also have a a channeled message from my counterpart? It’s okay if not :)

Sure! Let’s see what comes up.

Hiya darlin’,

How’re ya doin’ (I get southern American accent vibes, cowboy). Not much going on around these parts, just wake up every day and go about my life, living, laughing, loving, all that stuff. Have a nice cold beer. It’s the simple things that bring the most joy. I love sitting outside, sometimes for hours, just in silence. Sometimes it’s fishing and sometimes I’m just under a big tree, admiring the view (there is some lake they like to go to, open with a big like weeping willow or oak, I’m seeing browning grass, wearing flannel and jeans and boots, chillier there). I’m a simple man with a plan, but I know there’s more. But where I’m from, they just don’t encourage independence and uniqueness. Conformity and congeniality are king. I don’t like to stir no drama so I sort of keep to myself, play nice, be polite like mama raised me. But I see so deeply how it holds people back. I hope you don’t feel held back in life. Sometimes I do. But I remind myself I chose this. But sometimes I wonder if I should take the risk. I’ve always wanted to go west, get some land, start a ranch, do the cowboy thing forreal. But it’s a helluva time commitment and money, but there’s this thing in me that yearns to roam. But I don’t wanna leave my mama. She’s aging and daddy’s not always so good to her. He yells and isn’t patient like he should be. I gotta protect her. But I also want to live my life. That’s why I get away from it all and sip a beer by the water and relax, I’m trapping myself and I know it. How’re you trapping yourself? Maybe the more you free yourself the more you can help me get the balls to pursue what’s been calling to me. Shoot maybe I bring mama too. She’ll never leave daddy. I need to go spread my wings (wide open spaces by The Chicks coming up) I gotta work through the guilt. It’s just my brother died and there’s only me now. It falls on me now. Sorry to unload, I just, I’m a man, I don’t really talk about this stuff, sometimes with my buddies but nothing deep like the conversations I see us having. Envisioning you and a future of freedom together, well that fantasy gets me through a lot of days when I need more than this small day to day to feel something. Nothing makes me feel like nature does. It’s peaceful. I hope you have a spot you like. If you ever came here, I’d show you my lake. I grew up around it, it’s treasured place for me. My own slice of heaven. I love you and you know it but well, life ya know. Who knows what the future holds (looks off to the distance and takes a sip of beer, closed back off and in thought again).

What goddess does your person see you as/encourages you to embody?

This card immediately came out and I’ve never had it come out before!

Sulis— body of water “spend time near water, such as a lake, river, or the ocean, to recharge your batteries”

Lol. Well if that’s not confirmation. And so cute! Go find a lake nonnie and talk to your person while you enjoy nature. They want to connect with you and lakes seem to be important for them. It may be easier to connect to them there. Maybe send them some strength and healing.

You can envision sending them power. Think of a rock and send the energy of the rock to them, you can even hold rocks in your hands while you do this.

Channeled Song:

Maybe listen to some country music when you wanna feel closer to them.

Would love to know if this resonates, and hope it helps! Mwah 😘

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Falling For Your Fools Gold: Chapter 4

A/N: And we’re back babyyyy! Excited to get back into all my chapter WIPs but especially excited to get back to sexy, pirate Cassian ;) Hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Also, I like to imagine Fifth Harmony’s That’s My Girl playing in Cassian’s head at the beginning here. Trigger warning for injuries and blood. 

Chapter Masterlist // Previous Part // Next Part

“One. Two. One. One. Two.”

Nesta follows along to Baz’s instructions, hitting her closed fists against his palms in the combinations he calls out. Even with the linen wrapped around her knuckles, she can feel every punch, but in these past few days, she’s started to relish the ache there, pride swelling deep in her gut as she continues to learn more, continues to grow her own strength. Every bruise, every split knuckle is proof of how far she’s come, how many steps she’s taken away from that rigidity, that expectation that society forced upon her from a too young age, that darkness trapped in the corners of her family’s manor house in Adriata. It’s certainly not how Nesta imagined breaking free and finding her freedom, certainly not how she expected it, but she’s not complaining.

Baz swings his arm across and toward Nesta, but she’s quick to duck out of the way just as she’s been taught. She stands back to her full height, keeping her arms up as she returns to the punch sequence. Another swing of his arm and Baz starts to walk Nesta back across the deck of the ship. She stays light on her feet, moving and dodging and punching until Baz finally drops his hands back to his side with a wide smile.

“Nice,” Baz tells her, shaking out his hands. “I think we can officially declare you’ve mastered hand to hand.”

“Really?” Nesta asks, already feeling excitement building at the prospect of finally graduating to using her dagger.

“I don’t know, Baz. Perhaps she should really test it first.”

Nesta doesn’t even bother swallowing down her sigh or holding back her eye roll. She had hoped that after spending a large sum of Cassian’s money at the market when they were in port, he might finally leave her alone, that they could have some tentative, albeit separate peace between them, but of course things are never that simple.

Instead, Cassian has quietly watched each of Nesta’s sessions with Baz. Most days, he doesn’t say anything, but Nesta will always feel his eyes on her, his gaze burning a wildfire across her skin. Other days, he’ll offer small comments or critiques, and on the rare occasion, he’ll guide Nesta’s movements again. And all the while, Baz will simply stand by looking amused.

Like now.

The first mate in question currently has his lips pressed together, but it does nothing to hide the smirk he’s desperately trying to bite down. His brown eyes practically twinkle with amusement as he watches over Nesta’s shoulder, and Nesta is half tempted to put all her new skills to work, punching him in the face as well as the annoying pirate captain behind her.

“What do you say, princess?” Cassian continues, and even without looking, Nesta can hear that stupid grin dripping from his tone. “Are you up for a little sparring?”

Nesta huffs, but she turns around to face Cassian properly, settling him with her coldest, most unimpressed stare. “Fine, but only because it will give me an opportunity to knock you on your ass.”

“That’s not very ladylike,” Cassian teases, his eyes alight with amusement, but he raises his arms and gets into a fighting stance.

Nesta mirrors Cassian’s stance, her eyes quickly sweeping over his frame, accessing for any tells of what he might do, any weaknesses she might be able to exploit. Cassian circles around her slowly. It’s reminiscent of their first meeting, when he had done the same thing in her cabin on her father’s ship. It already feels like so long ago. Like another life, like a dream. Although, Nesta is beginning to wonder if that life or this one is the nightmare in the end.

Nesta moves in a circle with Cassian, keeping her steps careful so he won’t be able to catch her off balance, so her feet don’t get tangled. She doesn’t miss the way his gaze glances down quickly to her feet, the impressed face he makes. She opens her mouth, a dry remark already poised and ready on the tip of her tongue, but it’s the opening Cassian’s been waiting for. His arm swings out, and Nesta just barely blocks the hit.

Cassian continues the offense, swinging punches in quick succession. Nesta retreats back and away, but he’s quick to follow. As Cassian steps forward to keep up his onslaught, Nesta decides to take advantage of his unbalanced stance, spinning and ducking under his outstretched arm. Unfortunately, she’s only able to land one punch against Cassian’s side before he’s turning as well, blocking her next attempt. He sweeps Nesta’s feet out from under her, and she falls hard against the wood of the deck.

Despite the pain splintering out at the impact, Nesta feels more determined than ever. She jumps up to her feet, and goes on the offense herself, swinging punches until it’s Cassian that’s retreating. She takes advantage of his imbalance again, but this time, she shoves at his chest hard. Cassian goes tumbling back, but his fingers curl around Nesta’s wrist and he pulls her down with him until they both go sprawling across the deck. Nesta is quick to scramble up, straddling Cassian’s chest to pin him down and pressing her forearm against his throat.

“Yield,” Nesta tells him, her voice hard despite the way her chest heaves from the exertion.

“I think you’re the one who needs to yield, Nes.”

Nesta blinks in confusion at Cassian’s words, at the smirk pulled firmly across his face, but rather than say anything more, Cassian merely glances down. Nesta follows his gaze and notices the metal glinting in his hand, the dagger now poised against her abdomen. It takes Nesta’s mind a moment to catch up, to understand exactly what she’s seeing but then her head snaps back up to glare at Cassian.

“You cheated,” Nesta declares, her anger only growing as Cassian continues to smirk unfazed. “It was meant to be hand to hand sparring.”

“I’m sure Baz taught you the first rule of fighting, that there’s no such thing as a fair fight, especially when you’re fighting a pirate.”

Nesta lets out a frustrated growl, shoving off of him. “We go again. A rematch.”

Cassian chuckles, standing up as well and making a big show of dusting off his clothes. “You’re on, sweetheart.”

Nesta resets back into her fighting stance, waiting for Cassian to raise his hands and mirror her. He gives a small nod to indicate he’s ready, and Nesta doesn’t bother waiting for him to make the first move, doesn’t bother staying on the defense. Her anger and frustration feel like a beast writhing deep in her gut, chomping at the bit to be released and desperate for a taste of blood. She throws punches and kick combinations in quick succession, every smack against him sparking within her, every blow landed fanning those flames.

For all that Nesta thinks she has the upper hand, though, Cassian spins them around, knocking Nesta off both her balance and her focus. He wraps his arms around her, holding her back against his chest and pinning her arms to her side. She tries to wriggle free, tries to find enough space that she can make a counter attack, but his hold is firm, his strength clearly outmatching hers.

“Do you yield?” Cassian asks lowly, his breath fanning out hotly against Nesta’s skin.

Nesta lets out a huff, opening her mouth to begrudgingly agree before his words from earlier clang around her mind, an idea quickly forming. She arches her back against him, and with Cassian’s mouth still pressed near her ear, she can hear the way his breath hitches at the gesture. She turns her head to face him, looking up through her lashes and making a big show of glancing toward his lips. As she slowly starts to lean in, she can feel Cassian’s grip finally relaxing.

Once she has the space enough to move, Nesta picks her leg up and stomps her heel down hard against Cassian’s foot, slamming her elbow back into his abdomen. The pirate captain lets out a shout of alarm, but Nesta spins out of his hold and faces him. A hard shove to his chest sends him stumbling back and falling against the deck once again, but this time, Nesta makes sure she steps back before he can latch onto her wrist with his hands.

Nesta walks over to Cassian, pressing her foot against his chest and pinning him down, offering him a smirk of her own. “How’s that for unfair?”

A loud laugh comes from Nesta’s right before Baz pretends to be coughing instead. Nesta expects Cassian to glare at his first mate at the response, but instead his smile is wide as he blinks up at Nesta, and she swears she sees pride twinkling amongst the golds of his hazel eyes.

“I think she’s officially ready for weapons training.”

~ * * * ~

On the fifth day of learning the skills and particulars of the sword with Baz, Nesta steps onto the main deck to find not just the first mate waiting for her, but another pirate as well. It doesn’t take long for Nesta to recognize him as the pirate whose gaze always follows her around the ship with that distrustful look in them. The same gaze he watches her with as she approaches. It has Nesta’s hand anxiously and instinctually going to the hilt of the sword that now sits at her hip.

“Nesta,” Baz greets with that same easy smile he always wears. “I hope you’re ready for today’s lesson.”

“Yes,” Nesta answers cautiously, her eyes glancing toward the other pirate once again.

“I’ve taught you all I really can, and you know practicing makes perfect,” Baz explains after following Nesta’s questioning gaze. “Kallon’s the best swordsman on the ship, so he’s agreed to spar with you.”

“I don’t think he cares for me,” Nesta leans in to whisper to Baz, hoping not to be overheard by Kallon, but judging by the snort from the pirate in question, she wasn’t successful.

“It’s not personal,” Baz offers, his voice quiet as well. “Kallon is just superstitious.”

Nesta continues to eye Kallon dubiously at that, quite confident that it’s more than just his superstition about women on ships, but she doesn’t say anything more on the subject. Baz walks her through a few stretches to start, and then she and Kallon are facing off, swords raised between them.

For a moment, Nesta swears she can see the deep brown of Kallon’s eyes darken, that his mouth quirks up just that smallest bit, but before she can dwell on it, he’s stepping forward and swinging his sword. Nesta is quick to deflect, knocking Kallon’s swing to the right and away from her body, but then the pirate is lunging forward again.

Baz certainly wasn’t kidding about Kallon being a skilled swordsman. His movements are quick and every attack of his sword is filled with enough force that each time Nesta deflects, each time her sword clashes with his, the vibrations shake all the way up her arm. It also means that Nesta spends the entire fight on the defense, never once having an opportunity to advance on him.

As the fight continues to go on, Nesta can feel herself growing more and more tired. Sweat beads along her brow, her chest heaving as she tries to keep up against Kallon’s onslaught of attacks. Her arm feels heavy, the weight of the sword leaving her muscles trembling slightly as she tries to keep it held up. She turns her head back toward Baz, ready to relent and ask that they call it quits for today, but then there’s a sharp pain along her side.

“Kallon! What the fuck?”

Nesta’s sword drops back down to her side. Confused and shocked, she looks down, surprised to find a long tear in her blouse along her ribs, red already beginning to seep in and ruin the white fabric. She presses her hand against the cut, wincing at the pain that ricochets through her body, that radiates from that spot. Her fingers tremble even more when she pulls her hand away and takes in the blood staining her skin.

Her heart pounds in her chest, her ears ringing, and it’s only when a firm hand squeezes at her shoulder, when she looks up and finds Baz’s face right in front of her, that Nesta realizes he was speaking with her. His eyes are swimming with concern, his lips pressed firmly in a frown, as he moves his hand to put pressure against her wound.

“We need to get you to Wiley. Are you okay to walk?” Baz asks, but suddenly Nesta’s mind feels too sluggish, words too far for her to reach. “Nesta.”

Nesta swallows hard, but she offers the pirate a nod. Or her best attempt at a nod. Baz settles Nesta’s arm across his shoulders, gently wrapping his own arm around her waist, and the two of them head below deck. Baz leads them into the makeshift medical cabin, Wiley quickly clearing space for Nesta to lay down. Nesta can’t swallow down her wince as Wiley peels back the fabric of her blouse, pushing it up and away so he can work. He wipes at the gash with a wet piece of cloth then quickly presses another piece of cloth against the wound.

“Hold the pressure,” Wiley instructs Baz, the first mate stepping closer to do just that.

Nesta squeezes her eyes shut, unable to watch as Wiley starts to thread surgical thread through a needle. Already her stomach starts to roil at the implication, her nervousness spiking. She’s never been particularly good when it comes to this sort of thing. Nesta can still remember that time Feyre had fallen out of a tree and seriously injured her arm when they were children.

A shuffle of feet has Nesta’s eyes opening again, and when she turns her head, she finds Cassian now standing in the doorway. His expression is stormy, hazel eyes hard and mouth pinched tightly in a frown. But his gaze doesn’t look toward Nesta, instead it’s pinned to Baz.

“Who?” Cassian asks, a dark promise lacing his voice.

“Kallon,” Baz answers quietly.

Cassian doesn’t say anything more, merely turns on his heel and leaves the cabin. Nesta watches him go, her eyes lingering on the doorway even after he’s vanished from view, and she considers asking Baz what exactly the pirate captain intends to do. But before she can, Wiley steps back over, and Nesta’s stomach drops as her attention is once again drawn back to what’s coming. At the first pinch of the needle against her skin, all Nesta can do is squeeze her eyes shut and focus on her breathing.

After Wiley has stitched, covered her wound, and given her some sort of herbal concoction for the pain, Baz helps Nesta back to her cabin so she can rest. She grabs one of her newly purchased books and curls up with it on the bed, wincing at the stretch and pain in her side until she’s able to find a comfortable position. She only makes it three chapters before the exhaustion of the day starts to weigh down her limbs as surely as it makes her eyelids feel heavy. The book slips from her fingers and into the blankets, and soon, Nesta is giving in to sleep’s siren song.

She’s awoken by the sound of clattering against wood. She blinks her eyes open, and it takes her a few moments to adjust to the sudden darkness of the room, just the candlelight casting the whole space in a soft, orange glow. Her mind still feels foggy with the remnants of sleep clinging to it, her limbs still sluggish and heavy. The whole thing leaves her feeling disorientated, having no idea how long she was sleeping.

She finds Cassian standing over by the desk, a bowl and plate of bread in front of him seeming to be the culprit of the clatter. As if he can feel Nesta’s eyes on him, he turns his head to meet her gaze. The candlelight leaves his face cut in shadows, draws emphasis to the scar on his cheek and through his eyebrow.

“Sorry,” Cassian offers quietly. “I just wanted to make sure you ate something.”

Cassian picks up the dishes and walks over toward the bed, holding them out for Nesta to take. She reaches out and does just that, but her eyes catch on Cassian’s hands. His knuckles are split, dried blood smeared across the skin there. The sight has Nesta’s breath catching. Part of her wants to ask, wants to hear Cassian say the words she knows would come, but she swallows them down.

With a muttered thanks, Nesta settles the dishes in her lap, picking through the fruit and cheese before deciding to tear off a piece of bread and nibbling on that. She can still feel the licking flames of Cassian’s intense gaze on her, but when she glances up, his eyes aren’t on her face, but pinned to her side.

“It’s probably best to change to a fresh bandage, just to be safe,” Cassian explains, reaching out his hand before he seems to catch himself. “May I?”

Nesta nods her head, scooting forward on the bed to give him better access and lifting the hem of her blouse. Cassian unwinds the cloth Wiley had tied around her waist with careful fingers, and Nesta tries and fails to bite back a wince when he pulls the cloth away from her skin. She turns her head away, not particularly interested in seeing what she’s sure is still a nasty wound, but thankfully, Cassian doesn’t comment on her squeamishness. He merely steps over to the basin of water and soaks a cloth in it.

His hands are surprisingly gentle as he slides the wet cloth over the affected area, his fingers slow and careful. He cleans the wound with such tenderness that Nesta finds herself looking toward him in surprise, but Cassian keeps his head bowed. His hair falls forward against his shoulders, scraping against his temples and framing his face. His eyebrows are drawn low, hazel eyes flickering in the candlelight even as they stayed focused on the task at hand.

As if he can feel Nesta’s gaze on him, Cassian looks up, his hand stilling as their eyes meet.

“Does it hurt still?” Cassian asks, his voice quiet. “I can ask Wiley for more tea for the pain.”

“It’s alright. It’s nothing I’m not used to.”

The comment has Cassian frowning, his lips parting and a question seemingly poised on the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it down. He steps away from Nesta, setting down the cloth he used to clean her wound and grabbing a fresh, dry one. He wraps the fresh cloth around Nesta’s waist, her skin prickling with each pass of his fingers against it. The feeling soon morphs into another wince, though, when he ties a knot directly over the wound, keeping the pressure tight.

“Thank you,” Nesta tells him, tugging her blouse back down.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Cassian replies, washing his hands and then his face in the water basin.

Nesta nods, but there’s a part of her that feels like she does, a part of her that wants to thank him for more than just helping to clean her wound. It’s a voice that goads and whispers in the back of her mind, reminding her of the freedom she’s found on this ship despite being a prisoner. If she can even still call herself a prisoner at this point. It reminds her that she’s been given the opportunity to learn to fight, allowed to truly be herself with no one to reprimand her for sharing her opinion or being too harsh with her words. There’s no more societal shackles nor fresh scars; at least, not the scars born from the shadows that still seemed to lurk in every corner of that manor house even after her grandmother and mother had passed.

The words weigh heavy on Nesta’s tongue, pressing against her windpipe until a lump is lodged firmly in her throat, but she can’t seem to squeeze them out. She can’t find the way to thank Cassian for what he’s unknowingly gifted her by bringing her onto his ship. The idea of thanking a pirate, thanking the infamous Lord of Bloodshed for that matter, is terrifying.

But even more terrifying still, is just how much Nesta would mean it.

—

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[vivilove-jonsa]

Hello,

Since you've published a book I was wondering if I may ask a couple question?

Does it feel different from writing fanfictions?

Do you find your self relating to GRRM's pace of writing like the long years between books?

How did you like your covers for your original works? Did it take long to pick out?

This is just crack question but any chance there's a minor red headed character with her dark haired partner? You know as a little Easter egg jk. But in all seriousness we always knew you could sell your works and I'm glad you took the chance!

Hello!

Wow, I'm flattered that you want to know this stuff so thank you for asking! I'll happily answer each one below the cut :)

Does it feel different from writing fanfictions?

Yes. The joy of writing is still very much with me but there's some major differences and things I've had to adapt to when looking to sell books as an unknown author versus writing fanfic for a pairing that people are seeking out. The biggest is the wait for validation. Can't post a chapter of an idea, see how people respond and start crafting a story from there. You write the whole damn novel with little to no input from anyone else and then put it out there for critique before publishing.

It may sound weird but I've found more freedom writing original works in some ways and more restrictions in others.

The restrictions involve more planning, outlining and plotting. I have to stay on track instead of indulging in Side-Character B's backstory or a secondary romance, etc. Also, I would hop from genre to genre with my AUs and, while there are authors doing that I'm sure, it's not a safe bet for a newbie looking to make money. So, I found a niche in contemporary romance that I enjoy reading and writing and I dove in. I'll probably tackle another niche with a new pen once I've got ten or so books under my belt with the current pen name to try it out.

The freedoms involve making my characters whoever they tell me they are. No one will scream 'that's OCC!' because these are my characters. There's no trappings of canon or expectations in that sense either although romance readers tend to have favored tropes, etc and they expect you to stick to the 'formula of romance.' Also, I miss talking fic with other writers and fans of my Jonsa works as there's more distance between me as an author and people who read my books. Don't get me wrong, I love interacting with some of them who have reached out but the gap is there and it can feel lonelier.

Do you find yourself relating to GRRM's pace of writing like the long years between books?

No, lol. This is a side hustle for me but a romance writer would starve going at his pace unless you had that miracle hit right off the bat (which is soooooo rare) and even then you need to keep producing product to keep from becoming obsolete. I started my first novel February 1st last year. I will have FIVE completed by February 1st of this year. I'm shooting to average a book every 3 months this year at least. It takes me roughly six to eight weeks to write it and the remaining time goes into editing, formatting and submitting for ARC reviews. Quality AND quantity are the name of the game to earn money. In GRRM's defense though, my books average 75k words and one of those five was a novella at 40k words. And my books are romance centering on two individuals which are far less complicated to tell than his enormous fantasy opus with a cast of hundreds.

How did you like your covers for your original works? Did it take long to pick out?

Yes, I love them! The cover of your book is the single most important part of your passive marketing and you want your book to be as to-market as possible to attract readers in your genre and niche. My niche involves hot guys in suits on the covers and my dear friend made them for me except one which I paid a graphic artist $75 to do an illustrated cover for. Anyway, we would tinker and talk about the color or font, the placement of the title, etc. but, for me at least, this was a simple process. Some self-published folks spend far more time working on theirs or might pay hundreds of dollars on them but mine seem to draw eyes just fine. Maybe once I'm making bank more steadily I'll consider farming this out to a pro.

Any chance there's a minor red headed character with her dark haired partner?

Absolutely!! In fact, my first book includes a pairing that looks suspiciously like Jonsa (I changed the eye color for her and gave him Kit's brown eyes though). Partly, that's because the original idea for the book was going to be a Jonsa story until I decided to switch gears. My third book has a guy that fits Jon's description and my novella includes elements of Sansa's love of songs and such in the female lead. It's fun to have bits of the characters I love in my books even when they're my own creations.

Thanks so much for this delicious ask! Lots of fun to answer <3