#also like what the fuck is my fat ass going to do with some 140 pound man? the fuck am i supposed to do with that? id break you sir i am FAT

[afr0-thunder]

[Poor Chronicles Pt. 36]

Topics: College Football (CFP/NCAA)/Cellular Service (story)/Work (Social)/Girls/Weed

I’m feeling disrespected…Alabama’s in it. Versus the University of Michigan…who has #1 in a chokehold. At #2, I thought they’d get to the CFP Championship (or even sooner) and lose, but they actually might …fucking still do it (I changed my opinion mid-sentence). I thought Texas was out since they lost to Oklahoma, but I guess it’s loser season. Back to supporting the University of Texas.

By midnight, I had been asleep and had slept an additional 3 hours past. My cellular service was discontinued. I attempted to get there before close, but the store had been closed earlier than close time.

I went back yesterday (my off day) and it was STILL “not open” even though it was during store hours. She opened the door and said, “We’re not op-, we’re not open yet.”…she stuttered while doing so. I was informed a customer had broken all the keyboards in the store, I assume in a fit of rage, and that she was fixing them. I was told to come back in an hour. I went to get rubber gloves for changing the toilet seat and potato chips and decided to use the rest of the time viewing a nearby street playing, “Whose block is going to get blown down in the near future?”. I returned. She was now assisted by a man. I informed her of my situation, she still asked if I had my receipt. I said, “No.” and explain again. She is on the phone with the worker from the other day and tells her how to correctly perform this act going forward. It sounded like she has done this incorrectly before (payment option). I had assumed they all were just unskilled, the way the one on the phone had described it to me and that they were “usually by themselves”. The one in front of me installed my phone service though, initially. I thought, “Damn she’s stupid too?”. My payment was able to be reached under my phone number. It is apparently possible for the payment to linger as some sort of: Confirm/Decline or Accept/Later option. I was upset. I came prepared to deliver my speech about how I was fully prepared to pay. During the last portion of my customer service, an attractive dark skinned girl walked in. She also sobered me up. My high was lifted. I was informed my service would be restored in 5 minutes. I couldn’t wait, I walked for 3 minutes and then checked. I received a text saying it had been restored.

At my original location, I was scheduled with one of our newer, but veteran managers, the Hispanic one. Not the one who says, “Nigga!” to City Girls. He didn’t like me being the “funny man” and making all the jokes during my returning shift. He started to make a joke of it and then got real serious like he wanted to beat me up like a WWE wrestling backstage match. He did give me props for being a very helpful and outstanding worker during our team meeting as being sort of a model employee.

I messaged this other girl, from college (second one) - this is what FaceBook was intended to be used for, by the way (Ironically, she JUST replied, right now). When I met her she had the FATTEST ass, she has a baby now, but she’s a lot more fun than I thought. I thought she was some mean, boring, pasty bitch with a fat ass. Total opposite. Ironically reminds me of what I thought this other girl I fucked was like. I say this “painfully”.

Anyway, so I think she’s single now. Let’s see another love of my life walk away *peace signs*!

Dealer has missed on yet another advance, *$140. What a fool? His last pack severely burned my throat. Considered retirement. This other guy was quite the servicemen.

- MH (2023)

[12/15/2023 - 12:04PM]

[zouisalmightie]

why are there no chubby/nonfit boys on bumble? im sick of matching with skinny boys that want to go on hikes. hiking is neither fun nor romantic jeremy i want to go to sit down somewhere

[nightcoremoon]

also my ex stepdad is dying

this is a good thing

he was an abusive cheating asshole to my mom who doesn't pay child support for his kids that I have to financially support instead of him lol

he got his comeuppance though

so when he was a teenager he got in a really bad motorcycle accident that fucked up his legs and recently it rendered him disabled enough to get checks from the government (that were immediately sent to my sisters because the IRS was like "um. no. this will be child support now k thx baiii~"). because of his poor diet, excessive alcohol consumption, and excessive cigarette consumption, and being shoved in and out of prison for refusing to pay child support [and never going to court and lying his ass off about my mom and getting caught in those lies], he, well. he's a useless lardass piece of shit. he was pushing 500 at some point I think which ordinarily would be like, okay whatever he's fat oh well so what who cares, but he used to be like literally 140 a few years ago lmao that's not just glandular or whatever that's you eat nothing but Taco Bell and McDonald's four meals a day for years.

so he apparently never wiped his ass when he shit. probably couldn't reach, or he was too drunk (I feel like it wouldn't be outside of the realms of possibility that he shit himself while drink or asleep and didn't clean it up as soon as he was aware but I can't prove that happened). and uh. well. a month ago he had an abscess. in his ass. that burst. so he literally had two holes in his ass. he literally tore himself a new one. that alone would have been hilarious and resulted in the doctors being like, dude you've gotta stop smoking and drinking and eating shit and loving a sedentary lifestyle, and him being like. sigh, guess you're right, time to start taking care of my body.

haha, yeah right. he would never do that.

he didn't take care of anything and his ass got infected and now he's fucking dying because he didn't clean his ass after shitting literal pus.

HE IS LITERALLY DYING BECAUSE HIS ASS FUCKING EXPLODED LMAO THAT IS THE MOST EMBARASSING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN LMAO

and why am I celebrating this?

I mean he was horribly abusive to me and all when I was a little kid. he's force me to stand against a wall for hours until my legs cramped (I have beckers muscular dystrophy), he forced me to carry hundreds of rotten mushroomy centipede infested logs across the yard, he destroyed my property, he infantilized and emasculated me (or at least he tried to do the latter but it didn't affect me, he's like, oh you're a boy you shouldn't be sleeping with dolls but I was like, dolls are gender neutral so fuck you, and nowadays I'm like, I was never a boy you dumb fuckin bitch), one time my sister did something I don't even remember but I said I did it because I knew she would get in huge trouble if I didn't and I was protecting her from him so he locked me out of the house in below freezing weather without gloves and told me to pick up every single leaf outside one at a time and put it all in a black trash bag and I wasn't allowed to come back inside until it was done and when mom came home and found out she pulled me back inside and I'm so lucky she did when she did because if I'd been out there any longer I'd have gotten frostbite. I fucking hate him. die, bitch. lmao.

[kheta]

The Lesbian One

SakuHina head canon where the dark haired, noble clan inheriting child she falls in love with is Hinata instead of Sasuke. 

Bullies were making fun of Sakura for her forehead and Hinata said, through bright red blushes that she thinks Sakura is the prettiest girl Hinata knows, other than her Mother.

This gives Sakura self-confidence of doom and she doesn’t care about her looks anymore because suck on that, kind, cool Hinata thinks she’s the prettiest girl around!

Sakura giving Hinata the support she deserves.

Hinata being grateful and always reminding Sakura how cool Sakura is.

Hinata still being shy, but working on her shyness because there’s no way Sakura doesn’t praise the very ground her crush walks on.

“HINATA-CHAN! YOU DID IT! YOU’RE SO AWESOME! Isn’t she awesome Ino????”

Academy Arc:

Hinata told Sakura she wanted to be a strong shinobi like her father, but kind like her mother and Sakura heard “I wanna be the strongest ninja out!” To make sure her crush succeeds in her goals, Sakura promised to be the best kunoichi ever, so her and Hinata could be equals.

She studies to be the top kunoichi of her year and trains with Hinata a lot, complementing Hinata for every hit she makes and drowns Hinata in support.

Sakura hates Naruto. With a passion, nothing to do with Naruto being Naruto and everything to do with Hinata crushing on him. This hate manifests in her declaring them rivals.

Sakura is 100% the type to wonder why her rivals an idiot and to feel frustrated that an idiot like Naruto makes Hinata blush or laugh. The angrier she is the more she demands to spar him in taijutsu, they both get dramatically good at it.

Sakura because if Naruto drags a fight to stamina he’d totally win, so she figures she needs to get stronger with her form, finish the fight sooner. Naruto because he’s always been a hands on person and kata’s don’t make any sense to him, but whatever Sakura-chan does works for her, so he doesn’t mind copying her. Plus, Sakura's scary strong when she wants to be and Naruto makes a point of not getting hit from her.

Naruto becomes the fastest ninja in their year...Whenever Sakura’s involved. Not even Sasuke can catch him when he’s running from Sakura and he’s tried, it’s good practice.

Hinata once made an off-handed remark when she was training that Naruto has some pretty large chakra coils and Sakura’s been trying to increase her chakra coils since. (Muttering, “Stupid Naruto can barely hold a kunai right without me having to smack him sideways but he’s the one Hinata compliments?”) Moral is Sakura makes him a very competent ninja, but only because she’s like “An idiot like you can’t even aim properly, look at me, I’m better! Shifting my weight properly, unlike you!” and Naruto just copies her because to prove people wrong is in his blood and if she can do it, then all he has to do is copy her to do it better.

Unfortunately she can’t do much for his chakra control in the academy.

Everyone at the academy except Ino and Shikamaru thinks Sakura likes Sasuke because once she during an argument with Ino she screamed that “DON’T BE STUPID I LIKE” Pointed at Hinata, who happened to be with Sasuke. She didn’t finish the sentence because she looked at Hinata when she pointed and Hinata smiled and she melted.

Sasuke figures out Sakura doesn’t like him when he notices she blushes around Hinata more than him and this one time Hinata dropped one of her salves, so he gave it back to her the next day in class and the glare she gave him was telling.

As long as you’re not Hinata, Sakura has no problem expressing her crush. When Hinata’s around she never says I like you Hinata, but her actions are telling.

Sakura and Ino are still best friends because only Ino wants Sasuke and they only fight when Ino says Sasuke is better than Hinata.

Ino gets way better at taijutsu as well, because if her best friends going to be the strongest kunoichi then hell no is Ino gonna get left behind.

It gets to a point where Inoichi’s like “Ino darling you don’t need to be so serious about taijutsu, you know how we Yamanaka fight” and Ino’s like “WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HELL NO IS SAKURA GONNA BE STRONGER THAN ME, I REFUSE TO BE PROTECTED BY HER!!!!”

Genin Arc:

Hinata is an oblivious eggplant and thinks Sakura is just a very supportive friend.

Kiba, “She asked you to live happily with her as the strongest kunoichi in the future,”

Hinata, eyes sparkling, “Yeah isn’t it cool, I’m so lucky to have such a supportive friend with me.”

Kiba ships Hinata and Happiness (it’s canon guys) so he’s Sakura’s biggest wingman but Hinata manages to turn every cute, romance-y moment they have into a friend thing.

Kiba could see Sakura’s crush from a mile away, it wasn’t until the Chunin exams that he realised they weren’t dating though. This is when he begins being Sakura’s wingman.

Scene:

Kiba looks over at Hinata, “You know...If we meet Sakura and them in this exam, I won’t let you hold back. We’ve worked too hard for your feelings to stop us and if she’s the enemy, we face her.”

Hinata smiles softly at Kiba and stammers out, “I’d never do that, Sakura-chan would hate it if I held back against her, as her friend I will fight her with my all!”

“I do not believe Kiba means your feelings as her friend? Why? Because it is clear he is speaking of the deeper connection you two share.”

“Ano– Ino-san is her best friend, though Sakura-chan and I are certainly good friends.”

Cue two more minutes of them tryna coax Hinata to admit her and Sakura have something before they realise Hinata doesn’t know about Sakura’s crush and looking at each other in amazement because like. Now that they’re genin, Sakura is way less subtle because she misses Hinata and wtf, how had Hinata not realised yet?

Also Sakura wins her fight with Ino bc Ino’s strong af but she doesn’t have any concrete goal in mind, she’s just getting strong to be Sakura’s equal and Sakura’s like ‘giiiirl I’m tryna be the strongest to protect my wife you hear!’

When Sakura meets Neji she understands what true hatred is and it’s only Kakashi’s warning her that Hinata would hurt more if she jumped in that stopped her from trying to fight him. She doesn’t speak to Kakashi for the whole month she trains, trying to justify if Hinata’s pride was worth her life.

She totally trains with Gai for that month because Kakashi is lazy and Gai was around and Sakura is hella strong, she just needs motivation like Gai!

Hinata still has a big fat crush on Naruto until shippuden and when she canon confesses and nearly dies, Sakura confesses to her and says shit like “You don’t have to love me/ I’ve accepted that you won’t, no matter how hard I try. But as your friend I want you to promise, you won’t ever do something so reckless. I don’t wnt to lose you Hinata. You’re my special person I can’t lose you.”

Hinata is 140% confused and then like. She just notices Sakura. How fucking cool and kind she is and she’s always appreciated Sakura and thought she was beautiful but. She’s never really looked at those arms and damn are they defined. And her smile just makes Hinata feel at ease?

There’s no big crisis for Hinata, she realises quite quickly she’s getting feels for her bff but like shes Hinata. Sakura confesses a crush she’s had for years on this girl with the self confidence of a potato chip and said potato chip pines bc shes an idiot potato

everyone is Big Mad, even fucking Naruto

hes like ‘girl i cant like u. its against the bro code, pls talk to my bff’ and hinata is thinking ‘i know u ass. i just cant tho. shes legit perfection and ive hyped her up my whole life even if we like eavh other it wont work and family and a motherfuckn war’

Gaiden Arc:

THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER OKAY! STRONGEST KUNOICHI COUPLE EVER! 10/10 ADORED BY EVERYONE. HINATA ISN’T CLAN HEAD BUT SHE’S ONE OF THE BEST DIPLOMATS IN TOWN, SAKURA IS THE TOP HEALER AND THEY’RE BOTH BLACK OPS MEMBERS. HINATA TRAINS ANBU IN INFILTRATION AND SAKURA TAKES THEM IN MEDICAL STUDIES. THEY ARE HAPPY ASF

[xbreezymeadowsx]

200 Questions

No one asked me to do it but I made @sharpiewashere do it so it’s only fair I suffer through, too.

200: My crush’s name is: Zach because husband but also... Tommy motherfuckin’ Flanagan

199: I was born in: New Hampshire

198: I am really: horny and annoyed

197: My cellphone company is: Verizon

196: My eye color is: Brown

195: My shoe size is: like 10.5W I think.

194: My ring size is: I think it’s a 9.

193: My height is: 5’ 3”

192: I am allergic to: cats and crop dust

191: My 1st car was: old ass shitty Jeep Grand Cherokee

190: My 1st job was: at a stand in a city mall where we had an inflatable slide and two bounces houses and served sno cones, smoothies, and novelty ice creams

189: Last book you read: Fangs by Sarah Andersen

188: My bed is: fuckin’ broken and uncomfortable and clearly not big enough for myself and my bedhog husband.

187: My pet: 1 old black cat.

186: My best friend: Yuki (that bitch is my best best best friend and I miss her to pieces)

185: My favorite shampoo is: Garnier Whole Blends: Honey Treasures

184: Xbox or ps3: Fuck both. Switch.

183: Piggy banks are: cute

182: In my pockets: nada at the moment

181: On my calendar: is scribbles from my kid

180: Marriage is: Don’t marry a redneck!

179: Spongebob can: stop. Give me the early Bob but that’s it.

178: My mom: loves Unicorns

177: The last three songs I bought were? Wap metal version, Room with a Zoo, Shoop

176: Last YouTube video watched: GabSmolders playing Control

175: How many cousins do you have? technically only 2 by blood and actual familial connections. 6 if you count some others. 9 if you count step-cousins.

174: Do you have any siblings? 1 big Seester!

173: Are your parents divorced? Yeah

172: Are you taller than your mom? Maybe? IDK, we’re both shorties

171: Do you play an instrument? sadly, no.

170: What did you do yesterday? Slept and worked

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: yes

168: Luck: yes

167: Fate: yes

166: Yourself: HA, you’re funny.

165: Aliens: no

164: Heaven: these are...

163: Hell: ... kinda loaded...

162: God: ... questions

161: Horoscopes: maybe

160: Soul mates: yes

159: Ghosts: yes

158: Gay Marriage: yes

157: War: yes

156: Orbs: yes

155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: unfortunately neither.

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: black

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunette

149: Hot or cold: cold

148: Summer or winter: winter

147: Autumn or Spring: autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McD’s outta these choices but I’d take Steak’N’Shake over either.

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk and Dark.

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Zach can be sweet (he certainly isn’t ugly to look at) and we’re definitely on the poor side.

137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi (anybody remember Pepsi Twist? That was the best!)

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Buried or cremated: Buried I guess. Though, if I’m cremated, my ashes need to be spread in one place and no separating them.

134: Singing or Dancing: singing

133: Coach or Chanel: I am a redneck, these things don’t mean anything to me.

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who?

131: Small town or Big city: small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Either? I shop Wal-Mart all the time out of convenience but I do like Target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I am overall not a fan of either barring a select couple movies (like Heavyweights and Little Nicky)

128: Manicure or Pedicure: no thanks.

127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate

124: Disney or Six Flags: Can I go to a Zoo instead?

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I’ll say Sox because New England but I don’t particularly care for baseball.

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: there’s a time and place

121: George Bush: he’s an idiot?

120: Gay Marriage: yay!

119: The presidential election: tearing families apart because people are stupid and vote for Trump

118: Abortion: this is a bit of a grey area for me. While I firmly believe in “my body, my choice”, I do not accept that argument if you are constantly getting them as if it is a form of birth control. Use proper contraceptives you slut.

117: MySpace: does that even exist anymore?

116: Reality TV: certain ones can assume me.

115: Parents: love them even when you don’t like them.

114: Back stabbers: pussies.

113: Ebay: never used it

112: Facebook: is reserved for pictures of kids, pets, funny videos and memes, and gifs.

111: Work: shitty... literally

110: My Neighbors: I’m just glad they aren’t the cousin-fuckers or the Methicans anymore.

109: Gas Prices: it takes like 20 bucks to fill my tiny car gas tank so whatever.

108: Designer Clothes: never fit me

107: College: didn’t go.

106: Sports: HA. My fat ass play sports? Maybe Badminton or Tetherball but that’s it.

105: My family: lives too far away.

104: The future: needs to be better than now.

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: like 20 mins ago when my kid was trying to suck up to me to get a sip of my frappe.

102: Last time you ate: two hours ago.

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Zane’s first day of school this year. Miss Angie came over to see him off in the morning.

100: Cried in front of someone: probably a few weeks ago.

99: Went to a movie theater: Twilight Breaking Dawn pt 2.

98: Took a vacation: three years ago.

97: Swam in a pool: probably close to 8 or more years ago.

96: Changed a diaper: 4-5 yrs ago.

95: Got my nails done: professionally? never. By Zane? last weekend.

94: Went to a wedding: three years ago.

93: Broke a bone: never. dislocated shit though.

92: Got a piercing: over a decade

91: Broke the law: probably frequently without realizing it.

90: Texted: couple mins ago.

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: oh I’m a funny bitch

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing? fuck this house. fuck this town. fuck this state. I wanna go HOME home.

87: The last movie I saw: Smokin’ Aces 2

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: my nephew’s birth and the vacation we plan to take to see him!

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: the travel for the vacation stated above.

84: People call me: a lot of things. most of them true.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: wake up

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus

80: The first person i talked to today was: my husband

79: First time you had a crush: I had a massive crush on Shawn Micheals as a kid.

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my Seester

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: probably someone in the Flanaclan Chapel

76: Right now I am talking to: the Flanaclan on and off

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m supposed to grow up?

74: I have/will get a job: yes

73: Tomorrow: is Halloween

72: Today: I’m horny and annoyed

71: Next Summer: is a long time away

70: Next Weekend: work

69: I have these pets: already answered

68: The worst sound in the world: right now I’d have to say it’s Zane clucking his tongue.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself? or more specifically my anxiety brain.

66: People that make you happy: my Flanaclan friends, my bff, my sister.

65: Last time I cried: a few weeks ago

64: My friends are: on the internet and/or mostly too far away

63: My computer is: a hunk of shit laptop

62: My School: never going ever again.

61: My Car: looks like the car emoji.

60: I lose all respect for people who: beat animals

59: The movie I cried at was: recently? Up

58: Your hair color is: brown

57: TV shows you watch: SOA, SVU, SWAT, wrestling, Wynonna Earp, Van Helsing, Supernatural

56: Favorite web site: tumblr and youtube

55: Your dream vacation: Scotland, Ireland, Wales, England, all that.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: dislocating my knee

53: How do you like your steak cooked: med rare

52: My room is: some boring off-white

51: My favorite celebrity is: Tommy Flanagan

50: Where would you like to be: New Hampshire

49: Do you want children: I have 1 and that’s 1 too many.

48: Ever been in love: yup

47: Who’s your best friend: didn’t I already answer this?

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls nowadays. guys around here suck.

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: reading Chibs fics, staring at Flanagan

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Flanagan

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I did not.

40: Last person I got mad at: me

39: I would like to move to: for the millionth time, New Hampshire

38: I wish I was a professional: dog sitter/walker

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour Patch Watermelons

36: Vehicle: 90′s Ford Ranger, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Gladiator, Ford Shelby GT350R 

35: President: certainly not the fuckin’ current one.

34: State visited: Massachusetts

33: Cellphone provider: Verizon

32: Athlete: Aleister Black, Drew McIntyre, Luchasaurus, Sonny Kiss (and fuck you if you try to tell me they aren’t athletes)

31: Actor: Tommy Flanagan

30: Actress: Millie Bobby Brown

29: Singer: Ville Valo

28: Band: HIM

27: Clothing store: don’t care.

26: Grocery store: don’t care.

25: TV show: Law & Order: SVU (as much as I’d love to say SOA, Law & Order was my first real love)

24: Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You

23: Website: tumblr, youtube

22: Animal: dogs, wolves

21: Theme park: Zoos

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: professional wrestling, football, hockey

18: Sport to play: nothing that requires that much energy

17: Magazine: don’t read them much

16: Book: the House Of Night series and sequel series by P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast (I don’t care that I’m probably too old for them now, I love them)

15: Day of the week: Saturday

14: Beach: Hampton Beach, NH

13: Concert attended: 69 Eyes headlined (opening with Night Kills The Day, then Fair To Midland which were fine but also Wednesday 13!!!!!)

12: Thing to cook: fajitas

11: Food: apple fritters/apple cider donuts

10: Restaurant: Panda Express I suppose.

9: Radio station: WGFA

8: Yankee candle scent: Midsummers Night

7: Perfume: don’t wear perfume so much as body spray and it’s usually something like cucumber melon or some baked goods scent.

6: Flower: Tiger Lillies

5: Color: Green- specifically Forest/Hunter

4: Talk show host: idk I used to watch Maury all the time, does that count?

3: Comedian: George Carlin

2: Dog breed: Pittie mixes, mutts, labs, medium to big short haired breeds

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes I did.

[batbirdies]

NaNoWriMo 2019 Batfam Fic part 6

Part 6 of my Jason Todd Batfam fic where Jason eventually agrees to dog sit Titus, there are some deep seated issues, unintended animal therapy, snarky text messages between Robins and eventually some reconcilliation between father and son. Takes place in a murky in between time sometime after Damian was resurrected.

Same warnings as other installments: This is a very rough draft that is copied and pasted directly from my working google doc. Expect mistakes. These are also snippets, and there is skipped content between them.

also as for CONTENT; there are some flashbacks to violent things, some violence involving animals, references to dog fighting :(( and things like prostitution and homelessness are mentioned periodically. Also a lot of bad language.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

The dog park, in the end, is nicer than Jason expects. Even though it’s small, it’s got some nice, rolling hills, a couple benches set up at different points, next to small maple trees that look like must have been planted in the last two years, still waiting for them to grow big enough to actually shade the benches. They were naked now, fall being in full swing.

It’s still flipping cold and there’s a light drizzle that’s just uncomfortable, even with the hood of his jacket drawn up. Titus doesn’t seem too happy about it either but he’s got his waterproof coat on and the earmuff-sleeve-thing so he isn’t bothered so much by the cold. He let’s Jason cajole him into playing catch at least and runs freely after the tennis ball he sends flying.

After a bit he seems to get bored with it though and is more interested in the other dogs, so Jason lets him roam without thinking much of it. He looks like a big dumb idiot in the getup he’s got on but it just makes him look more friendly and less intimidating to the other dog owners so Jason counts it as a win when he takes his phone out to snap a picture of Titus sniffing some labradors butt.

“Real polite bud” Jason mumbles under his breath, as he lets his eyes scan over the milling group of people. He doesn’t mean to be doing it, doesn't even realizing he’s looking for threats until he spots one.

There are two men standing stock still next to one of the benches, a large Rottweiler sitting next to them with a spiked collar on a thick, black, leather leash. The guys don’t look tough so much as they look mean and Jason can see them watching the dogs, eyeing each one almost critically, staring at Titus for a little longer than he’d like. He doesn’t even really know what he’s looking at but he doesn’t like it, can feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up like some sort of sixth sense.

“Titus!” He lets out a loud whistle, clapping his hands to draw the dogs attention back to him. He trots back over easily, abandoning the other dog he’d be attempting to greet. Jason grabs his collar when he approaches, latching the leash back on, keeping an eye on the two thug looking guys who are now walking slowly in his direction. Jason tries to get a good look at them without making it obvious.

One is tall and thin, a shaved head and a nose that looks like it had been broken on a few different occasions. His eyes are half lidded, he looks bored, and with a brief direct glance he spots a deep scar on the back of his hand, raised and red skin in a curved line that looks distinctly like an animal bite if Jason had to guess.

The other one is heavy set, broad in the shoulders but of average height, close cropped dark brown hair and a chunk missing out of one of his ears. Sharp eyes that are focused directly on Titus. He’s the one holding the leash.

And the dog is the other thing.

Every other dog in the park just seems happy. Either excited and playing or relaxed. Tails wagging, panting, running around or just lazing about near their owners. There’s one half grown mutt on the other side of the park that’s being trained, learning how to sit and stay.

The Rottweiler walking next to this man does not look happy, or friendly, or excited. It’s big, moves gracefully, doesn’t seem to be in any sort of hurry but is looking at Titus and Jason both with eyes that Jason can only think to describe as….empty. If you can even think something like that about a dog.

They’re only 10 feet away when Jason tugs on Titus leash, ready to get the hell out of there before something nasty happens. And maybe he’s gotten rusty but hes just a little too slow.

Just as they turn around the broad shouldered man stoops down and unhooks the Rottweilers leash, says something sharp to the dog that he can’t catch and suddenly he’s lunging.

Jason has been in more fights than he can count, or remember, ones where his life is on the line, but there is nothing quite like having 140 pounds of solid muscle barreling towards you with a snarl like you’ve never heard, teeth bared and ready for sinking.

Titus immediately pulls hard on the leash, and Jason moves without thinking. It’s reflex more than training that has him throwing an arm out, right in the path of the big black dog. The tall thin guy shouts something just as teeth clamp down on his forearm, sink through his leather jacket to his skin and beyond.

“Shit!” Jason shouts, throws his other hand out, dropping the leash, he grabs at one of the dogs ears and yanks, hard, but the clamp down does not loosen, if anything it tightens and the dog lets out a guttural growl. Jason is swearing up a storm, stumbling and nearly falling on his ass trying to pull his arm out of the vice it’s being crushed in. He’s never been bitten by a dog before, at least not beyond a warning snap, and it fucking hurts.

The short guy is suddenly there, clapping his hands, he shouts at the dog again.

“Drop it!” And Jason’s arm is abruptly free, he actually trips and falls on his ass, feeling light headed and instantly furious.

Skinny guy has a hand around the Rot’s collar, holding him in place even though he’s already sitting down, looking business as usual like nothing even happened when there’s blood dripping out of its fucking mouth. Jason’s blood.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Jason hauls himself to his feet, standing just as tall as the skinny guy and broader in the chest than the heavyset one, who looks wide eyed and nervous, in contrast to the tall one, who just seems mildly surprised.

“Holy shit man, I’m so sorry, he just lunged!” The short guy stutters out, fumbling to get the leash back on the dog.

“You expect me to believe that was the dog? I wasn’t born yesterday asshole.” He steps toward the stocky one but the Rot takes a step to meet him, letting out a low growl of warning.

“Whoa, Crusher no.” He swallows harshly, glances back at the tall one, who’d let go of the collar as soon as he attached the lead.

“Crusher? Are you serious?”

“I’m so sorry man, really, I didn’t exp- he’s never done anything like that before.” Jason doubted it, wanted to spit in the guys face.

“Chris, why don’t you take Crusher to the car? I can take it from here.” Guy has an accent like he’s from the West coast, words clear and almost overly pronounced. He’s got one hand stuffed in the pocket of his coat, the other holding a lit cigarette.

“Sure, yeah. I’ll uh, I’ll get him out of the park, just find me when you’re done.” Chris looks distinctly relieved to be out of the conversation.

Jason is reeling, what the actual fuck just happened? What was this? The short one had clearly given the dog some kind of command.

His instincts told him not to let the guy leave, to stop him in his path and get answers, but the dog was still a threat and Jason wasn’t in costume. He didn’t have any armor on and his identity was not hidden. He needed to be careful. His mind also finally registered the ear splitting sound of frantic barking from a large dog and he suddenly realized he hadn’t seen where Titus went.

He’d let go of the leash when the dog attacked and - He whipped his head around, feeling frantic for a split second before he spotted him just a few feet away, some random bystander holding his leash wrapped around a hand. It was a stocky woman, middle aged, and with a fat bulldog of some kind standing behind her. She looked stricken, face pale. Titus was pulling pretty hard on the leash and barking in a high pitched tone that definitely wasn’t natural for him, a near whine to it, but the woman stood her ground, feet planted hard.

Jason was distracted enough that the guy was already shuffling away, the Rottweiler following at matched pace. He should go after the guy, wanted very badly to go after him but he couldn’t leave some random woman with Titus, who was obviously frantic and upset.

Jason eyes Tall Guy, still standing there and watching him, expectant and bored look on his face, decidedly turns his back on him to handle Titus. The guy isn’t a threat, not to him, even if he has a weapon his posture is slouched, feet planted sloppily, his balance isn’t solid. He’s obviously not trained to fight and Jason could take him in a heartbeat if he felt the need. He needed to get his head back on straight before he talked to him, there was a heat curling in his stomach with a distinctive green tinge Jason needed to get a handle on.

He marched up to the woman with the bulldog, tucking his bleeding arm in close to his side. He was fuming, furious and totally struck dumb like he couldn’t remember being. He almost wondered if they knew who he was, why else would they randomly sick a dog on him?

“Are you alright?” The woman asked when he approached, eyebrows drawing up in the middle.

“Fine.” He tried not to snap at her, since she was literally the only reason Titus probably hadn’t either run away or gotten in a fight with that dog when it bit him, but he was so tightly wound it was hard to keep the edge out of his voice. “Thank you for grabbing his leash.”

She nodded, Titus shoved into him, lifting his front half off the ground repeatedly like he wanted to jump on him, whining, ears down. “I’m fine, buddy, I’m good. Stay down.” He grabbed Titus collar with his good hand and pulled down gently to get him to stay planted in the grass, he didn’t need to get clawed in the arm after that.

“Are you really sure you’re alright? You’re bleeding pretty….pretty bad.” She sounded a little breathless, as she finally relinquished Titus’ leash to him. She grabbed at her ponytail with her now free hand and tugged on it, a nervous habit if he’d ever seen one.

“I’ve had worse.” He was too busy looking over Titus and making sure there were no injuries he’d missed, that he wasn’t too late to keep the Rot away from him that he didn’t see how she reacted to that little confession. The ear muff thing had fallen down and he carefully tugged it back up over his ears, while trying to even out his breathing.

“That was pretty nuts man.” Jason stiffened and turned back, Tall Guy standing there, cigarette in hand, he took a long drag. “Why jump in like that? Your dog looks like he could hold his own in a fight.” And he was staring at Titus when he said it, eyes still bored, as they flicked up to meet Jason’s. Jason felt his shoulders hitching up.

“We should really call the police.” The woman interjected. “That dog is dangerous, need to-“

“No police.” Jason snaps just as Tall Guy says, “I don’t really think that’s necessary.”

“Not Necessary?” Her voice is sharp. “Your dog just attacked this man, he’s bleeding, he could have a broken bone or-“

“Nothing’s broken lady.” She snapped her eyes to him, looking at him like he was nuts.

“Regardless, I’m calling the police.” She reached in his purse, hanging off her shoulder and pulled out a cell phone. This was not good - the last thing Jason needed was to be questioned by the police while Bruce was out of town, even if he was a victim, he didn’t need to be recognizable to anyone, didn’t need Barbara recognizing his fake ID in a police report and drawing this whole incident up.

He also didn’t know why any of this just happened, and if somehow this guy knew who he was….he didn’t want a civilian mixed up in that.

“Look lady.” He snapped at her, feeling guilty for the way she flinched back from him. “I appreciate the concern but I’d rather handle this myself.” He put a hint of threat in his voice, for both her and the asshole’s sake. Jason knew what he looked like, big, broad shouldered, well built and with a massive dog. “I don’t really think you wanna be involved.”

Her eyes darted between Jason and Tall Guy, like maybe she wanted to argue, but was quickly thinking better of it. She clutched her own dog’s leash in a fisted grip, expression morphing to wary suspicion.

“Fine. Guess I’ll find a new dog park.” She snapped before turning on her heel and marching away. Bulldog waddling after her.

Sm͏a͏rt lady, Jason thinks as he watches her go. Finally turning back to the guy who’s just standing there, enjoying his cigarette without a care in the world.

[acutest-angle]

131,132,133,134,135,136,137,138,139,140,141,142,143,144,145,146,147,148,149,150,151,152,153,154,155,156,157,158,159,160,161,162,163,164,165,166,167,168,169&170

LAST PART

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

my ability to just be so chill about things ig

it gives me anxiety how much i do not care about some things

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

mmm depends on the picture but in selfies normally

133: Computer or TV?

computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

HELL THE FUCK YEAH I DO

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

i get motion sick but not seasick

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

lobed (i have never seen that word before, ive seen attached and unattached)

137: Do you believe in karma?

my roommate is a hindu and she explained it a little bit differently than what i had previously known it as and i believe in the version she told me (that i will completely fuck up if i try to explain so im just not gonna)

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

idk like an 8 probably

yall im a snack

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

nell (or nel if ur a monster), piper, nellis, nellie (thats like technically a nickname)

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

yeah i have

when i was little i had two imaginary boyfriends one of them was named werewolf (he was a werewolf) and the other was blue blah (he was a blue blob that resembles that blob from monster vs aliens)

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

fuck yeah i have babe

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

i would say i have a bad influence but i want to have a good influence

its just not in my nature tho

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

giving gifts

144: What makes you angry

not a lot of things tbh

ignorance

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

one and its called dumb bitch (english)

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

As A Gay: gorls

147: Are you androgynous?

I can be

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

my ass and my hair

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

i like my sense of humor and tbh my compassion

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

KAI @studiomayaz PLEASE COME HOME :(((

@thatnormalcrazygirl weve never met in person but ur gonna come visit eventually and thats the tea

any one of my friends really im very lonely rn

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

i very much like the present with our womens rights and modern medicine and technology

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

yeah man

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

aint got one unfortunately 

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

i like the kiss the top of peoples heads

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

I REALLY FRICKEN DO MAN

156: What embarrasses you?

everything i do in a public space

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

oh everything man

school, my future, the police, etc.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

now why would i tell you that ;)

159: How many people are you following?

444

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

62,466

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

0 because i dont make original posts on main

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

61,157

163: Last time you cried and why:

after my grandmothers funeral because my step mother is a Fat Bitch

164: Do you have long or short hair?

short

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

just past my shoulder blades

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

bad familial experience 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

i find it to be compelling but not necessarily important

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

i do but not daily 

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

yeah if i wanted to break my neck, killing me immediately

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yeah i did

[makeste]

I 100% agree with your assessment on the Overhaul arc in bnha. Started series when that was the most recent arc and completely lost interest in the series halfway through. Trying to get started again, though. What would you change about the arc as a whole?

first off, anon, I hope I haven’t inadvertently spoiled anything! you said you’re trying to get back into it now, so just a heads up that this post is also going to contain spoilers for the end of the arc, though that’s probably obvious lol.

also, now that I’m a dozen chapters past it, I’m very happy to say things are moving along smoothly again and it reminds me of the “old” BnHA. all of the little things I missed so much are back. so it does get better! I’m really pushing to get fully caught up with the manga myself now.

so now! regarding this question, there are really two ways I could answer. because truthfully, the most honest answer I could give to “what would you change about this arc?” is “I wouldn’t have had it in the first place” lol. but that’s just me. even if I took out all of the stuff that annoyed me, even if it was more cleanly executed, this arc was just never going to be one of my favorites. it explores some themes that are important, but aren’t really connected to the things I enjoy the most about the series. the focus is too narrow at the expense of a lot of my faves who got excluded. and the tone is just too dark. which isn’t to say I don’t enjoy angst or when Shit Gets Real, but, how to put this… it has more of a DC vibe than a Marvel one to me. it’s more Dark Knight than Infinity War. and that’s just not quite my taste. so yeah, if we’re talking full control over the manga, I would probably have gutted the entire thing and chucked it completely and done something else. not sure what, but it would have been really different.

but since that answer is kind of a cop-out, here are some of the things I would change if I had to leave the main framework of the arc in place, but was allowed to make smaller changes here and there.

speed up/condense some of the stuff that happens after they encounter Eri and prior to the rescue op. it felt like it took way too long to get to the action. we met Eri in chapter 129 and they didn’t commence the rescue until 9 chapters later. some of the stuff that happens in between is important – especially the All Might stuff and the reveal about Nighteye’s premonition – but Kiri’s fight went on longer than necessary, and then there was no need for them all to meet up, start to plan Eri’s rescue, break off to gather more information, meet up again a few days later, and then finally start the raid. that was too much

I would put Kiri’s flashback in his first fight (the one against knifey stabby man). despite me having just said that the fight went on for too long, lol. but this would be a good way to break it up to make it more interesting. and then I could…

put Ochako and Tsuyu back in the arc and give one of them (or both of them – tag team) Kiri’s second fight instead. if their quirks don’t match up as well against Shield Monk and Chance the Rappa then just change those later two’s quirks to something more interesting. their original quirks were pretty boring anyway

put Ryuukyuu in the arc too bc obviously the girls should be accompanied by a grown-up just like the boys were. that part made sense

speed up Tamaki’s fight (like, don’t even bother trying to make it a challenge. just let Tamaki have his time to shine and kick their asses with no trouble), and have Fat Gum stay with him (just toss in an extra bad guy for him to fight) and speed up the Hot Gum reveal. and then just have the two of them get cut off from the others afterward

and I’m not sure what, but have Aizawa actually do something. as opposed to nothing. which is what he pretty much ended up doing

(ETA: I forgot to account for Kirishima during the raid! so now what I’m thinking is that he ends up making it to the final battle along with Aizawa, Nighteye, and Deku, but ends up being plot abducted along with Aizawa. because that’s a very interesting combination to me, and having to look out for his student might be a good way to nerf Aizawa a bit while still letting him actually fight. then maybe Kirishima gets injured much like what happened with him and Fat Gum. and then Aizawa steps back in to beat whoever it is they’re fighting. because it’s probably someone with a more cinematic quirk than Chrono tbh. anyway. so yeah, bonus Dadzawa feels. eventually he will come to realize that all of his kids are, in fact, problem children.)

actually, you know what, since most of my changes would just be little tweaks to the way things play out once the raid starts, I’ll just write up my version of a chapter-by-chapter outline instead

delete most of chapter 138 and have them get to the basement by the end of that chapter

139, Tamaki and FG stay behind to fight. Tamaki has his flashback and kicks some ass

140, we finish up the fight, with FG’s part of it. but the two of them find their forward progress blocked off by Irinaka. the chapter then ends with the ladies staring down another group of villains

141, a quick flashback shows how Irinaka separated Tsu, Ocha, and Ryuukyuu from the rest. Ryuu takes on the stronger villain (dragon time bitches) while the girls tag team a second bad guy. I have no idea how this would go, and it would take more time and effort and planning on my part than I currently am willing to devote since it’s a hypothetical scenario. but I have no doubt it could be very badass. we’ll give this fight two chapters, maybe, so we can have flashbacks and some more in-depth action. so that’s 141 and 142

143, we get League of Villains antics and flashbacks

144, the conclusion of that, and they take down Irinaka

145 and 146, Mirio vs Overhaul, with the others catching up at the end of 146

147, Aizawa (ETA: and Kirishima) get plot abducted and have their own little fight scene. Nighteye gets impaled trying to help the others escape. make that a bigger moment and show a bit more of his fighting beforehand, and make that the cliffhanger. since I’ve now added Kirishima to the mix, this may possibly take up an extra chapter

148, Deku turns back, activates 20% OFA, and fights Overhaul for a little bit but doesn’t do too well. Eri comes back and offers herself in exchange for the others’ safety. the ladies come barging in to turn the tide, having smashed their way through the labyrinth

149, Deku and Eri vs Overhaul part 1. first half of Overhaul’s flashback. establish his backstory and his plan and the boss’s objections. end with 100% OFA

150, Deku and Eri vs Overhaul part 2. second half of Overhaul’s flashback. show him using his quirk to fuck up the boss. (or at least, show enough to make it clear beyond a doubt that that’s what happened. you had no problem showing what happened to Eri and making that abundantly clear beyond what was necessary.) show him afterwards talking about the boss’s sudden decline in health, and how he’ll be taking charge until he’s healthy. show him monologuing about how this is all for the good of the family and one day the boss will be able to understand that too. “I’m grateful to you, old man. so until then, just sleep.” Deku and Eri take him out; chapter ends with the KO punch

151, the aftermath. basically what we got in 159

152, grand theft auto

153, Nighteye feels

bam. end of arc

so that’s more or less it. if we also speed up the pre-rescue stuff, I think this arc could easily be at least 10 chapters shorter. they can cut most of the villain flashbacks, too, since we don’t really need those. we got along just fine without villain flashbacks for the most part before this arc; only Tomura and Stain had them, and we managed perfectly well. also, give them more interesting designs, seriously. having them all try to stick to a theme/uniform with only slight variations was really dull, and there were moments when I genuinely lost track of who was who. none of the heroes look alike even though they’re all on the same team. it’s fine lol

anyways, so that’s my answer, I guess! thank you for the ask!

[heartofsnark]

NSFW Alphabet: Ota

Note: It is here, the final one for the bidders. (Or at least until I manage to play Luke, Shuichi, and Hikaru’s routes/ also figure out how to write Rhion). Ota is the only one who didn’t get a sex injury for his dirty secret, so good for him. As I said before, Ota along with Eisuke are the two I feel the least confident about in terms of writing. But, everyone who commented on my Eisuke said it felt in character. So, fingers crossed I did okay here too. If not, sorry...

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s domming most of the time, though not always, so he pretty much just goes right into taking care of MC after sex, its’ borderline instinctual. Cleaning them up a bit, looking over any marks he left, etc. He doesn’t even asks just jumps to it, “It’s a master’s job to take care of his pet,” he’ll tease. Truth is he likes tending to his MC and it makes him feel just as good as it does them. Once he’s done, he’ll want some serious cuddles. He’s a pretty soft cuddle bug post orgasm, though if you point it out he’ll pout.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His hands are his favorite on him, mostly because as an artist they’re very important to him. He’s kind of protective of them at times, sometimes he uses it as a cop out to get out of doing things, but he does generally worry about damaging them. Plus, he uses them to give his Koro pets and love, also extremely important.

On his partner, their ass. Don’t get him wrong, his MC is adorable all over, but his hands tend to gravitate towards her  ass the most. It’s also easier to touch and tease his partner’s ass in public without being noticed. He likes rubbing and giving small grabs to their backside to tease them throughout the day, each time acting like he’s not doing anything.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

During blowjobs he likes pulling out right as he’s about to cum and shooting his load into their open mouth, it’s messier but he loves it. He likes seeing his MC swallow, but he wants to see his cum landing on their tongue and lips. It’s not quite a facial, he’s aiming for the mouth, though he’s not opposed to giving facials either. He likes calling his dick and cum a treat, seeing his MC eagerly swallowing it down in front of him. He also likes cumming on MC, it feels more claiming to him, like he’s leaving them ruined for him. Watching them swallow and cumming on their ass is his favorites.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

During the period of time between Doi stealing his art and joining the auctions; he had a brief worry about income. He was discredited from the world of fine art and had yet to rebuild himself as the “Angelic Artist” or start getting money from the auctions. So, he created an online account that couldn’t be linked to him and started doing commissions. He’s done a lot of furry and fetish art for people. It meant he could keep making art and supplement his income if needed. There is someone out there with a picture of their fursona jerking off and they have no idea it was done by the Angelic Artist.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s never had a serious long term relationship, but he has had a fair amount of one night stands. Before he gets with MC, he tended to be get bored really easy and never really bothered with anything more than having some fun with people. So, he has a fair amount of experience in terms of sex, he knows how to tease and play with partner.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He likes doggy style, c’mon, you knew this was coming. It might be memey or predictable, cause of his Koro stuff. But, he legitimately likes doggy style positions. He struggles with vulnerability even when he’s with MC and usually tries to hide his face when he’s particularly overwhelmed with feelings, so he likes she can’t really see his face and see how much he’s enjoying himself. He likes being in charge most of the time and he likes his MC’s ass. He’ll also likes draping himself over his partner’s back in that position when he wants more skin on skin contact.

Doggy (duh): http://sexpositions.club/positions/140.html

Plain: http://sexpositions.club/positions/131.html  

Concubine: http://sexpositions.club/positions/236.html

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He likes playful teasing of his partner, but his focus is to make them blush; not to make them laugh. He wants sex to be fun but not funny, if that makes sense. He wants to make his partner feel good and loved, he also tends to be more insecure than he likes to let on. If he feels like he’s being laughed at or mocked, he’ll probably get upset. Though once his partner apologizes and explains they weren’t being cruel, which to some extent he already knew, he’ll just use it as an excuse to “punish” his dear Koro

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I personally like the headcanon of him bleaching his hair, I think maidofstars was the person I saw who came up with it. Both of his parents have darker brown hair and he does have that brassy strawberry blonde you get when you bleach dark hair and don’t use any toner. I also, don’t think he has a lot of body hair. Voltage generally tends to make all the men look like they have no body hair in their cgs (which doesn’t always suit the character), but I honestly don’t think Ota grows much body hair. A fact he’s fine with. So, his pubic hair is a small slightly thin patch of darker brown hair. It doesn’t require much upkeep.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Unless something has happened to make Ota feel like him or his partner really need that during sex, he prefers for it to be more dirty and fun. He’d rather show his romantic love through subtle actions in day to day life, he likes sex to be more about just enjoying themselves and the fact he loves them should just be known.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Doesn’t masturbate much, before he got with his partner, he had casual sex whenever he really needed to get off. Now that he’s with them, he still doesn’t masturbate much. Once in a while, but nothing major. Usually when they’re apart, it’s because he’s working on some artwork. He gets very into his work, so he’s not too concerned about his dick when he’s caught up in his art. If his partner is at work and he starts to feel turned on is, he’d rather go tease them or see if he can get them to take a break than jerk off. He has a few videos bookmarked in a hidden folder on his computer.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Petplay is going to be a big one for Ota and everyone knew this was coming. He likes treating his significant other like a puppy. He’d be completely into them wearing a collar, ears, and a buttplug tail. If they do it without prompting, like he just comes home to them running around as a puppy, it will make him a little weak in the knees. 

Grooming/Taking Care of his partner’s appearance, this might be a little to do with his petplay kink, but he loves grooming his partner. Brushing and blow-drying their hair or cleaning them in the bathtub. He’ll never admit it, but he likes when they return the favor too, remember when he played pet for an epilogue. In the same fine, he finds something very weirdly arousing/intimate about doing MC makeup and hair, he just loves it. 

Assplay, I don’t why I just headcanon him as really liking his MC’s ass. If they’re into it, he wants to finger, eat out, and use toys on their ass. Ota eats ass and no one can tell me otherwise. I don’t know why this is stuck in my brainbox, it just is. 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

The bathroom is a favorite, he really likes bathing with his MC and cleaning each other. So, once they’re both naked and wet, it’s fun to play. His other favorite would be in his art studio, where he and MC first had sex.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing his partner embarrassed and flustered, he thinks it’s so cute and endears them to him. He likes teasing them and their reactions just make him want to keep going. 

Cuddling, he almost has a kink for cuddling, there’s just something so nice about his partner wanting to snuggle into him. Then he feels their body nice and close, so his hands start to wander. 

When he sketches and paints his partner, it almost happens naturally sometimes when his mind wanders while doing art. It catches him off guard that he just unconsciously creates images of them, it makes him want to go find them and get closer to the real thing.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Super dangerous and/or painful kinks are out as well as the grosser ones, He might act and talk like he’s a sadist, but he doesn’t like seeing his partner in pain. He’s not into the really heavy forms of petplay, likes once you start getting into the rubber muzzles or fursuits, he’s out.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He loves getting his dick sucked. He likes giving head too, but watching MC suck him off is irresistible. He does like playing up the pet and the master thing. So, sloppy face fucks are a favorite of his. He likes telling his Koro to come get their treat; his diiiiick. I’m sorry.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Unpredictable. He likes keeping his partner on their toes and driving them crazy, so he doesn’t keep his pace too consistent. Slow and sensual, then suddenly he’s pounding brutally just to slow down before they can hit their climax. Maybe he’ll let them cum next time, maybe not. Such a tease.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He’s always teasing and working up his partner when they’re going about their day. So, it’s not uncommon for them to have to get to his suite because he drove them crazy. He loves when he can get his partner’s mind off work and have a quickie. If his partner wants to come by his studio and give him some “inspiration” real quick, he’s not going to turn them down.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He loves playing with his partner in public, he doesn’t really want to deal with any repercussions if they get caught, but his Koro’s reactions are too cute for him to resist. Remember, in the butler café substory he basically tried to shove his hand down MC’s underwear in the middle of the café. He gives very few fucks. In terms of experimenting, he likes bringing different things up to try. He likes finding out what his partner might like. If they mention something, he’ll probably tease them and act disinterested, but they’re definitely trying it unless it’s a hard no for him.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Despite having a fair amount of experience, Ota is still pretty young. So, I imagine he’s a case of not lasting particularly long but having next to no refractory time. He’s probably about average give or take on how long it takes him to cum, but he can easily cum four times before he needs a real break. Even then his break won’t be long. Benefits of being young.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He starts to amass a small collection of toys once he’s with his MC. He likes teasing his partner with vibes, toys for assplay are also pretty common. Even if they’re not doing the pet play, he likes them having a princess plug or something in. He likes making them feel completely full when they have sex.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Biggest tease to ever tease. He loves finding them during work and just feeling them up in whatever way he can, then walking away like he didn’t do anything. Making them find him once they get desperate enough. He also likes edging them and slight orgasm denial.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s slightly embarrassed about making noises during sex, but he’s definitely a bit noisy. He usually tries to dirty talk to cover it, but he makes a lot of soft gasping type noise, says ‘fuck’ a lot. And sometimes, when it’s more romantic and intimate, he can make noises that sound almost like soft little whines and whimpers. He’ll deny it though.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He’s definitely into remote control vibrators in his partner that he randomly plays with. He likes having as much of his partner’s attention as possible. So, if he can from a distance still be able to steal their attention and tease them, it turns him on. He also likes doing it while they’re in the penthouse lounge and watching them try to work, seeing them frustrated is just too entertaining.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

His cock is kind of pretty, if a dick can in fact be pretty. It’s not super long or thick. Around 6-6.5 inches, straight with just a very slight upward tilt. The girth is proportional with the length, not overly thick, but not thin. No super noticeable veins and a rounded head.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

High sex drive, he's young and constantly ready to have sex. The only times hes not really into he’s really not into sex is if him and his partner are fighting, he’ hyperfocused on an art piece, or in the mornings. He’s not a morning guy and tends to feel grumpy when he first wakes up.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He usually gives some form of after care, so he stays awake for that. But, once he’s officially done for the night, he only stays up for a while longer for conscious cuddling. Though they cuddle in their sleep too, but he likes to be awake for a bit to fully enjoy it, then he drifts off.

[gainerstories]

Holiday Heft: Halloween

“Wow you look so different,” said my sister, Emily, “healthier.”

I knew full well what “healthier” meant. It meant I was fat, hairy, and pale. You see, I had checked into rehab two months ago at the beginning of September for a coke and pill addiction. I was something of a party boy, a circuit gay if you will, and the lifestyle eventually caught up to me. A few days after my thirtieth birthday I almost overdosed and woke up in a hospital covered in my own blood. The lining of my nose was falling out. After that, I checked into rehab and kicked all of my habits: drugs, booze, boys, and even cigarettes. The problem was, I picked up another habit: food. This was common in rehab, and a lot of people spoke of their extra pudge with pride because it was a sign of their recovery. I tried to adopt this outlook, despite the fear that no one would want to fuck me once I was clean. It didn’t help that I had turned thirty which meant my fuckability in the gay community was already plummeting. I checked in to the recovery program at 5’10” and 120 pounds. I stood at my parent’s doorstep at 140 pounds.

“Well you know what rehab will do to yah,” I said and slapped the bit of fat clinging to my abdomen. “And they don’t even have tanning booths there!”

We laughed and I stepped inside. It was strange to be back home in Connecticut. Once I had moved to San Francisco I rarely visited, and when I did it was for very brief periods of time. Everything looked the same in my ancestral home, but my family appeared older. My parents were welcoming, but the air was filled with disappointment. I dropped my stuff in my room and helped my mom prepare for Halloween night. She was leaving with my Dad on a business trip in a few hours and it was up to me and my sister to pass out the candy.

As the sun began to set, the first of the tick-or-treaters arrived. After handing out candy for maybe fifteen minutes, my 21 year old sister abruptly announced she had a party to go to and abandoned me. We lived in a wealthy suburb that was wildly popular on Halloween and I was a bit annoyed I was stuck here alone. It also didn’t help that I was able to watch on social media as all my friends in San Francisco got plastered. Meanwhile, I was handing out candy to kindergarteners. To distract myself I put on a horror movie and stretched out on the couch. I was craving a beer or at least some weed, but resisted and ordered a pizza instead.

My stomach was growling as I manned the door, so I decided to help myself to a few treats after each group left. I was already a bit full of candy when the pizza arrived, but I ate it anyway out of boredom. After killing the small pie in record time, I realized I didn’t feel completely satiated. My stomach had definitely grown to accommodate more when I was in rehab, leaving me with a surprising appetite. Back in the day, one slice of pizza would would leave me feeling bloated and fat. Now one slice felt like nothing. The Halloween candy was right in front of me so I absent mindedly continued to snack through my movie.

As I was choosing the next flick to put on the door bell rang. I opened up to a chorus of “trick-or-treat” and reached for some candy. I was shocked to see the bowl was nearly empty. How was that possible? Was I handing out too much? The night was still young and more kids were certain to stop by. After the kids left I dug through the kitchen looking for more candy. I knew my mom had bought three mega sized bags of Halloween treats, but they were all empty and I couldn’t find any more. I did find some bags of chocolate chips for baking, but nothing individually wrapped that I could pass out. What had happened? The only answer remaining was that I plowed through the candy myself. A wave of anxiety washed over me as I dually realized that not only was I a fat pig, but that I was going to have to turn the lights off at 8pm and hope the neighbors didn’t gossip or tell my parents. I wanted nothing more than a xanax to calm my nerves, but instead I opened a bag of the chocolate chips for some much needed comfort. What the fuck- might as well embrace being a fat ass. I put on another movie and reclined on the couch with my chocolate.

I woke up to my sister drunkenly stumbling home with a box from Pizza Hut. I looked down to see brown stains across my shirt and two empty bags of chocolate chips on the floor. Luckily, she was too drunk to notice my blatant gluttony.

“Hey brotherrr, wants join me for some dank ass pizza?”

I complied, even though I hate Pizza Hut, and she plopped down on the couch next to me. I tried to ask about her night but she could barely form words as she struggled to finish one slice. Immediately after she dozed off. I removed her shoes, covered her in a blanket, and cleaned up the house a bit. It was almost 2am but I was wide awake. My stomach was noticeably bloated from all the pizza and candy, but I figured one more slice before bed wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it would probably help me fall asleep. Before I knew it, the whole pizza was gone and my gut was distended and tight. I was uncomfortably full. It was a strange and foreign sensation that only occurred on the occasional thanksgiving. What would I tell Emily about her pizza? I destroyed the box and hid it at the bottom of the trash can. Hopefully she wouldn’t remember getting it, and if she did I would tell her there was only two slices in the box when she got home. I tried to ignore my aching stomach and not think about how out of control my appetite had become as I headed to bed.

I woke up the next morning still bloated and filled with guilt. I needed to get myself together. I decided to skip breakfast, throw on some tennis shoes, and go for a jog. It didn’t take long before I was drenched in sweat, out of breath and all around miserable. I persevered, however, and clocked three miles. I decided that my plan for the day was to make a green smoothie, go to the tanning salon, and then buy a gym membership. It was time I started looking like the old Levi, just without the excessive drugs, partying, and sex. I got home feeling refreshed and greeted Emily in the kitchen as she was making coffee. She looked super hungover.

“Fuck I’m so glad you’re home,” she said.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“How do you think?” She struggled to chuckled. “I need hangover food ASAP. Come with me to the 50s diner?”

“I was gonna make a smoothie, and then...”

“Fuck that, I need greasy food and some company. Pleeease Levi? You don’t have to order anything, just provide conversation.”

I sighed and complied. Who was I to turn her down when I’d been absent for so many years? I changed clothes and we headed to the diner. Emily ordered an excessive spread of pancakes, hash browns and a milkshake. I ordered French toast and a side of fruit.

Our food arrived and it all looked delicious, plus I was positively starving. I tried to pace myself although I couldn’t help but to gobble up every morsel of the gooey French toast. Emily claimed to be full after only a few bites and continually shoved her food onto my plate. I verbally contested this, but my actions proved otherwise. The crispness of the overdone hash browns was really hitting the spot, and I started grabbing them off her plate to drench them in ketchup and ranch. I definitely ate the majority of that dish. To Emily’s credit, she did eat most of the pancakes but I helped polish them off. The milkshake, however, was simply beyond her capacity. It was almost completely melted, but I still took it to go. It felt wasteful to leave. Plus, I had a weak spot for this diner’s milkshakes, melted or frozen. I guzzled it down halfway through the drive.

My first week back home continued in a similar fashion, which is to say it was pretty food-centric. My family took me on several sumptuous outings which usually consisted of me eating their leftovers. Furthermore, my newly sober status meant that if I wanted to hang out with any of my old friends our options for activities were pretty limited. More often than not, we would get lunch or dinner. It also didn’t help that my mom bought an excess of discount Halloween candy to put out around the house. The result was that I was almost constantly snacking on something sugary and sweet. In my defense, I did try to go jogging when I could muster the energy, but it was always a struggle. And, needless to say, I never got that gym membership.

It’s not like I was oblivious to the fact that I was developing some bad eating habits and a bit of extra padding. I could feel my shirts clinging to my poochy belly and my thighs suctioned into skinny jeans. There was no avoiding how the waist of all my pants forced the fat around my waist to bulge out and strain the lower half of my T-shirts. To avoid this I began to wear sweatpants and basketball shorts almost daily. Elastic not only alleviated the discomfort of a tight waistband, but also didn’t produce an unbecoming muffin top effect. Strangely, I was generally unconcerned about my physique. I figured I could always lose the weight and that my sobriety and family time was more important. However, this didn’t mean I wasn’t shocked when I stepped on the scale a week after Halloween to find myself clocking in at 151 pounds. That was an 11 pound gain of what was certainly pure fat. I knew I’d been unhealthy, but 11 pounds in one week? Something must be wrong. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for the next morning.

I struggled to find clothes that flattered my figure while I getting dressed for my appointment. Eventually I settled on all black, even though the button of my jeans felt like it would burst at any moment. When I arrived, my doctor took all the usual tests and then sat me down for a conversation.

“I understand you’re concerned about your weight, but frankly you shouldn’t be. 160 pounds is perfectly healthy for someone with your age an height.”

“160?!” I responded. “My scale at home was ten less than that.”

“Perhaps a full stomach or heavier clothes can account for the discrepancy. Regardless, you shouldn’t be too worried. I’m sure you’re finding that your metabolism is not what it once was, and this is normal for men your age. You are about fifteen pounds shy of an overweight BMI, so what we want to do is maintain your current weight with healthy eating and light exercise. I know you’re aware that weight gain is often an effect of newfound sobriety, and not cause for alarm. You should really feel proud of yourself, Levi. Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

As I left the doctors office, I did feel better about myself. Still, if I wanted to ever get laid again, I needed to cut some weight. Sobriety meant a fresh start and I should start caring for myself accordingly. When I got home I busted out the razor and shaved off all my body hair. I went to Walgreens for some tanning lotion and then H&M for some better fitting clothes. I knew I had to invest in my appearance if I was going to take make lasting change. That is, after all, how I got sober in the first place.

Finally, after a full day of self-care and healthy eating I returned home for a long bath and a face mask. As I walked in the door a wonderful buttery aroma filled my nose. I knew instantly what it was: my mom was baking.

“Honey, I’m so glad you’re back! I was struck with the holiday spirit and decided to do some baking. I need you try everything and tell me how it is.”

“Mom, I’m really trying to watch my weight right now.”

“Oh silly, just one slice of each dish. I insist. There’s Oreo cheesecake, pecan pie, and my special dark chocolate banana bread that you love.”

That banana bread was my weakness and my stomach was growling after a full day of eating vegan. I had to resist if I ever wanted to get laid again. I prepared myself to turn her down and took a deep breath. I don’t know if it was the smell in the air or what, but the words coming out of my mouth were not what I intended.

“What the hell, I’ll take two slices of the banana bread.”

This was going to be a long Holiday season.

[kaorei-endgame]

What did you think of Resident Evil 7? I feel like I was one of the few that was actually a little let down by it. I'd love to know your thoughts!

I’m with you! I don’t remember who said exactly what on the ANNCast we did right before the game came out, but I remember the general sentiment being: at times, the demo came across as some sort of ascended $20 Generic Indie Horror title. That’s how the full game shook out for me, kinda “Outlast with a bigger budget.”

I wouldn’t say I was exactly *flabbergasted* by how the large-scale positive response to the game didn’t match my experience, I’ve know my tastes fall outside of the norm on a lot of these things (which is why I rented it) but I was pretty surprised and/or let down with everyone saying it was a “return to form” or whatever, coz that was definitely not my take. Sure, in some ways parts of this game are the most survival horror-y-est we’ve gotten in a long time. But that just speaks to how watered down and absent the genre is.

At least mechanically, the beginning felt borderline like a Resident Evil 1 update. Everything after that was a severe downhill. And, even for a series that’s premised on being some cliche-ass cliches, I couldn’t take how paint-by-numbers their writing/aesthetic was. I’m not with the “Cannibal Zombie Family (plus Evil Dead, plus Sadako, plus Saw (occasionally))” genre of horror and it was weird that the moral ended up being “Sometimes, the Corporation is the Real Monster…. … …. …. …. …. BUT ALSO: sometimes, the REAL Real Monster is the little girl the corporation captured and abused.” 

Streaming it, I was like “this feels like it was written by white people, but I know that’s not true, a Japanese team made this.” Actually, turns out…!!! So it’s the same as what ruined Silent Hill for me: a bunch of new people coming in and creating this simulacra that doesn’t comport with what I feel like the series is. Which is nbd, I guess, I’ve got like a dozen Resident Evil games to fall back on, so I don’t need to shed any tears that this avenue is now denied to me. It was just like… I could not believe how far from the mark of Resident Evil’s Campy Weird Lame Cliche Romp this game hit. Basically, it felt to me like there was this try-hardy disconnect of them thinking the best way to make a Resident Evil was Gross and Hardcore As Fuck when all I wanted was for it to be Dumb and Fun.

Which I almost could’ve excused if anything about the gameplay kept me hooked after the first couple hours? The initial mansion had something to sink your teeth into, with the relative scarcity of ammo, the existence of keys and inventory management, and the need to poke at and pore over every inch of that house that scarcity creates. So it was cool, being like “I can’t go into the basement right now because there are 400 guys down there and I have ten bullets,” or checking under fireplaces for hidden levers in the hopes of finding more healing items. I even got into the knowing wink of the shotgun trap in the entrance hall, because there were times when I opened a scary new door and really wanted that shotgun.

But everything was half baked, and fell to pieces quickly once you left the mansion. The gunplay was super clunky, on a controller anyway, so I spent half the game getting pissed because I was flubbing headshots by an inch when a blob dude did the laziest headfake in the world at the last second & the other half just dumping on everything that moved because I had so much ammo I could just stop caring about how finicky the gunplay was. A crafting system with eight recipes and nothing’s ever more useful than “bullets” or “first aid spray,” those collectible coins that act as a special currency you can buy all of three item with. It felt like they had all these ideas that never made it past the brainstorming phase. Same with the enemies, which were mostly a bunch of Ooze Guys except sometimes it was a Spider Ooze Guy and sometimes it was a Fat Ooze Guy–which I can’t say didn’t work for me in Revelations, which suggests maybe the issue here is not the blobs themselves, but the complete lack of gameplay texture around said blobs! (aka: I want to be Jill Valentine spin-kicking these blobs)–and the rest were, like, “bees,” or, like, a vagina of bees, which wasn’t doing their Edgelord-y horror aesthetic no favors.

Or, y’know, it WAS doing the edgelord-y part favors, but in turn that did no favors for my appreciation of it. 

What’s disappointing is apparently there’s a ton of unlocks and post-game features, which is something I’ve desperately missed with the loss of survival horror as a genre–intrinsic reasons to go back in and play the game again! Some of them sound cool, even the higher difficulty mode that sounds like it might’ve alleviated the problems I had with the abundance of the mid/late game, but I can’t see myself ever playing again to see what that stuff is because the core of it was so bland and scripted to a fault–this Kimimi tweet sums up another major problem concise enough that I don’t gotta waste several hundred more words describing it, since she handled it in .

It was such a non-entity. A combination of its lack of unique personality and the omission of dense mechanics (at least, ones with the staying power to last beyond the initial 3rd) gave me limited texture to sink my teeth into–which is, admittedly, the way I think about most big-budget games these days, many of which follow this trend of front-loading all their mechanical novelty into the opening hours and coasting/turning aggressively linear/mechanically conservative as the game goes on. I suspect most of this is down to how tight game budgeting/release schedules are these days, so that complicates throwing shade at the developers for things that were probably outside of their control, but at the same time, the game is the game. RE7 was so watered down that it really never had any hope of snagging me. Glad I rented it!

[chokemeseokjin]

for that ask thing... do em all... all 170... do it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

OK LET’S DO THIS

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wish I was like 5′6″ tbh i’m too tall2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) fucking dragon mate3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I like kinda cute pastel shit but not really girly? does that even make sense?4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Nintendogs?5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: My gf, bees and flowers6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Approach with caution, cries easily and afraid of loud noises7: What is your opinion on Mo being unfaithful to Jimin? Unsurprising and relatable (ily)8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] IDK9: Are you ticklish? incredibly pls don’t touch me10: Are you allergic to anything? I’m lactose intolerant so… yeah11: What’s your sexuality? bi bi bi12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? tea i am a brit after all13: Are you a cat or dog person? B O T H14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? vampire fam that’d be so cool15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? either Dan and Phil or Tomska, Dan and Phil are one in my head ok shut up16: How tall are you? 5′10″ :)))17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Evie bc that was what i was going to be called and I would prefer it,,,,18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] idk fam19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? kinda?20: Do you like space or the ocean more? S P A C E FAM THE STARS ARE JUST !!!!21: Are you religious? nah22: Pet peeves? When ppl walk really slowly in the middle of the fucking pavement23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? nocturnal24: Favorite constellation? gemini obviously where my hoes at25: Favorite star? Kim Seokjin26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? the fuck are they?27: Any phobias or fears? the dark n clowns28: Do you think global warming is real? yes???29: Do you believe in reincarnation? yeah i guess I do30: Favorite movie? Super 8! Pls watch it! support my kids!31: Do you get scared easily? yes like seriously easy32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 233: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] BEST BLOG EVER 10/10 WOULD LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AMEN34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel blue35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Japan and Hawaii! 36: Where were you born? hospital in my home town37: What is your eye color? very blue38: Introvert or extrovert? introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they’re interesting but the ones in magazines n shit are bullcrap40: Hugs or kisses? hugs pls41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? my gf :(42: Who is someone you love deeply? ur mum43: Any piercings you want? more on my ears and maybe my nose44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? yes!!!!45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? i have yh46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! how to describe min yoongi,,,,47: What is a sound you really hate? metal being like dragged along something u know what i mean48: A sound you really love? kim seokjin when he gets lines :))))49: Can you do a backflip? no i’m not jungkook50: Can you do the splits? nearly lol51: Favorite actor and/or actress? I lov Andrew Garfield with all my heart 52: Favorite movie? u asked this already but I’ll chose another one soooooooo um Breakfast Club bc i am a white girl53: How are you feeling right now? sleepy54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? same colour it is now tbh55: When did you feel happiest? sleeping56: Something that calms you down? watching youtube videos specifically gaming ones idk why but it’s rlly calming57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] probably lmao58: What does your URL mean? i want. kim seokjin. to choke me. ok? are we clear? 59: What three words describe you the most? a fucking loser60: Do you believe in evolution? yeah61: What makes you unfollow a blog? posting rude/mean stuff or just if I don’t enjoy their content anymore, i don’t mean any harm or anything lol62: What makes you follow a blog? if it’s pretty/memes63: Favorite kind of person: nice people who’re funny and caring and actually give a shit about me and other ppl, not just themselves64: Favorite animal(s): meerkats, giraffes n bees65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @oh-no-its-mo​ @jinsasleep​ @taechy​66: Favorite emoticon: i’m on my laptop!!!! the sparkly heart!67: Favorite meme: um idk? the in tarnation one is p funny atm tho68: What is your MBTI personality type? fuck i can’t remember the rarest one i know that for sure69: What is your star sign? Gemini, come fight me70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? no jfc she wont even sit when i ask the hoe71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? denim mini skirt thing, tights n some cute top 72: Post a selfie or two? no73: Do you have platform shoes? i am tall enough74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I hate potatoes 75: Can you do a front flip? no jfc76: Do you like birds? yah77: Do you like to swim? I’m baically Rin tbh78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming i have no balance 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: donald trump80: Some thing you wish did exist: free traveling 81: Piercings you have? 5 in ma ears82: Something you really enjoy doing: writing and dying83: Favorite person to talk to: my gf84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? yo it was awful i was superwholock bullshit asshat i still hate myself for it i’ve been here too long85: How many followers do you have? 983!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? FUCKING HELL NO87: Do your socks always match? no88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? yes89: What are your birthstones? emerald 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? dragon91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? oh fam a fuckin scabious they’re the shit92: A store you hate? superdrug93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? i had 6 one day it was a mistake94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? flyyyyyyy95: Do you like to wear camo? yes sir96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? i can swim a length of the pool underwater98: Least favorite person? donald trump99: Someone you look up to: is it cheesy to say namjoon?100: A store you love? the fat ass topshop on oxford street101: Favorite type of shoes? cute ballet flats102: Where do you live? LDN 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? bacon104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? i just thought of that fucking goat meme bye105: Do you drink milk? no i would die106: Do you like bugs? some107: Do you like spiders? small ones108: Something you get paranoid about? e v e r y t h i n g109: Can you draw: a little tho i’m sure others would disagree110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? idk fam i haven’t rlly been asked one111: A question you hate being asked? is ur hair naturally that colour112: Ever been bitten by a spider? no113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? yah114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? sunny!115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: my gf jfc how many times have i answered with that 116: Favorite cloud type: penis shapes ones117: What color do you wish the sky was? pink118: Do you have freckles? yah 119: Favorite thing about a person: their laugh120: Fruits or vegetables? fruit121: Something you want to do right now: sleep tbh122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? sky123: Sweet or sour foods? sour? i dont rlly like sweet stuff much124: Bright or dim lights? in between aaaaaye125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? unicorns i read a book when i was little that convinced me126: Something you hate about Tumblr: drama and ppl caring too much about shit that dont matter127: Something you love about Tumblr: making friends and seeing ppls amazing art!128: What do you think about the least? what a weird question um idk slugs?129: What would you want written on your tombstone? fucking finally130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Saitama? to see how much it would hurt131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? my entire being132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? i dont smile at all if i can help it133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? sort of135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? motion yess not sure about sea136: Are your ears lobed or attached? attached137: Do you believe in karma? yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? a strong -4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? El, Ellz, Petra, Sharpay, bitch, hoe, shut up ellen140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? yeah141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? nope142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good most of the time143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving!!!!!!144: What makes you angry? rude people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? two146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? anyone who’ll have me tbh147: Are you androgynous? no148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes?149: Favorite thing about your personality: i guess i’m kind idk150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. my gf (again), Jess and Ellie151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? dinosaurs, i would make them my children152: Do you like BuzzFeed? their snapchat thing always makes me laugh153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] through this god damn website thanks to pepekwan,  romance at it’s finest kids154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? yes155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? yes156: What embarrasses you? literally everything157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: again, literally everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: i’m straight 159: How many people are you following? too many160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 46,715 JFC161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 1,758163: Last time you cried and why: i can’t actually remember 164: Do you have long or short hair? medium!!!!!!165: Longest your hair has ever been: nearly to my waist166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? never really affected me tbh, people can believe what they want to beleive as long as they’re not hurting anyone/ pressuring anyone to believe in it too167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? not really no168: Do you like to wear makeup? yeah u dont wanna see me without it169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? no?????170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes I have ur welcome Mo ily

i didnt check this so sorry if there are mistakes lol 

[deadasdecafcoffee]

~{{>8c vengeance. answer them all.}}~

RIP

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I don’t really care2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) White German Shepherd or Pit bull….age 6+3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? whatever is comfy4: What was your favorite video game growing up? FFX 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: I first think of you, my cat, and then coffee6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Warning: Doesn’t shut up7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? They said Rats….and I said kill it.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] There is a Greek personality type now?9: Are you ticklish? eh10: Are you allergic to anything? Some preservative they put in lettuce 11: What’s your sexuality? Pansexual12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? C.O.F.F.E.E13: Are you a cat or dog person? Both.14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? None. I want to be a fucking attack helicopter15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I dunno it swings all over the place16: How tall are you? 5′3″17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Farting Mcdickface :T18: How much do you weigh? 150 lbs19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yeah20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Ocean21: Are you religious? No.22: Pet peeves? *shrugs*23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Depends on the day24: Favorite constellation? Dunno.25: Favorite star?THE BIG YELLO ONE26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? No?27: Any phobias or fears? Being alone, being ignored, letting others downs, and oh yeah RATS28: Do you think global warming is real? It might be.29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Maybe. The world is confusing30: Favorite movie? Zootopia31: Do you get scared easily? Yes.32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? like 9 or 1033: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] 1000 boobs/1034: What is a color that calms you? Purple or really any non bright colors. 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? I would love to visit Europe one day36: Where were you born? Out of my mom’s pussy37: What is your eye color? Hazel38: Introvert or extrovert? Introvert39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Maybe.40: Hugs or kisses? Why not both?41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? @impaler-prince​42: Who is someone you love deeply? @impaler-prince​43: Any piercings you want? Ear peircings 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Depends on where they are45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? No46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!  :T47: What is a sound you really hate? Loud noises48: A sound you really love? My love’s voice ❤49: Can you do a backflip? If I want a broken spine50: Can you do the splits? If I want to rip my pussy in half51: Favorite actor and/or actress? The dog.52: Favorite movie? You already asked this on #3053: How are you feeling right now? I have a headache ❤54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I would love for it to be red.55: When did you feel happiest? When I talk to my beautiful baby cakes~56: Something that calms you down? My love’s voice57: Have any mental disorders? Anxiety Disorder, ADD, Asperger’s Syndrome, OCD, and Depression58: What does your URL mean? Mao is a smart moo cow59: What three words describe you the most? loud, blunt, and fuck if I know. 60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Bad content.62: What makes you follow a blog? Good content.63: Favorite kind of person: Kind and always willing to listen64: Favorite animal(s): Boobcats, puppers, pussy, moo, goat noises65: Name three of your favorite blogs. ALL THE BLOGS…..that isn’t porn66: Favorite emoticon: 

67: Favorite meme: One does not simply have one favorite meme68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFP69: What is your star sign? Libra70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? Nope. He can beg though.71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? My jackets72: Post a selfie or two? no.73: Do you have platform shoes? plz no74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I can fart. 75: Can you do a front flip? If I can’t do a back flip what makes you think I can do a front flip?76: Do you like birds? Yeah77: Do you like to swim? No.78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? I tried both. I didn’t like it.79: Something you wish didn’t exist: FF1380: Some thing you wish did exist: Disgaea 3 Sequel 81: Piercings you have? None.82: Something you really enjoy doing: Playing games of course83: Favorite person to talk to: @impaler-prince​84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? wat?85: How many followers do you have? 19586: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I. AM. FAT87: Do your socks always match? Sometimes. 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? No.89: What are your birthstones? Opal90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Boobcat91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Grass92: A store you hate? Walmart93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? A lot94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly. I don’t want to see your fetishes 95: Do you like to wear camo? I used to.96: Winter or summer? Winter.97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don’t know. 98: Least favorite person? *cough*99: Someone you look up to: My dad100: A store you love? Amazon.101: Favorite type of shoes The comfy kind 102: Where do you live? VA103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? I like meat 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Amethyst 105: Do you drink milk? No. It makes me spit106: Do you like bugs? No.107: Do you like spiders? No.108: Something you get paranoid about? Everything.109: Can you draw: No110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? Have you banged before?111: A question you hate being asked? Are you gonna eat that?112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Might have113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yes114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy. Good weather for naps115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: @impaler-prince​116: Favorite cloud type: Cirrus117: What color do you wish the sky was? Purple118: Do you have freckles? Nope119: Favorite thing about a person: Personality120: Fruits or vegetables? Both121: Something you want to do right now: Nap122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Sky123: Sweet or sour foods? Sweet124: Bright or dim lights? dim125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Some I believe in. I mean we are still finding new species of animals all the time. 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: Tumblr127: Something you love about Tumblr: Tumblr128: What do you think about the least? Life129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Kiss my ass130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? :)131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? mah belleh132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? I try not to133: Computer or TV? Computer 134: Do you like roller coasters? FUCK. NO.135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Motion sickness136: Are your ears lobed or attached? I dunno137: Do you believe in karma? Yes138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? A solid 4139: What nicknames do you have/have had? *shrugs*140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? >;T I’m a good influence 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving144: What makes you angry When I can’t help something because I’ll make it worse145: How many languages do you speak fluently? Only English146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I am Pan. I don’t prefer anything.147: Are you androgynous? wat?148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: :T149: Favorite thing about your personality: *shrugs*150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. @impaler-prince​, @impaler-prince​, @impaler-prince​151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? We can’t choose the future?152: Do you like BuzzFeed? I don’t watch them153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? Facebook154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? No156: What embarrasses you? compliments 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Everything158: Biggest lie you have ever told: I’m fine159: How many people are you following? 248160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 2K161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none lAWL162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 3k 163: Last time you cried and why: Don’t know 164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium hair165: Longest your hair has ever been: To my boobs166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? My parents….167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? As long it isn’t some space fairy168: Do you like to wear makeup? Nope169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? NO 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Some.

[yespoetry]

Monica Rowley: #NotTrump Series

Some Advantages of a Nervous Breakdown When The Nation State is Turning Corporate Feudal in Front of Your Eyes and the Debate is Now Kleptocracy or Kakistocracy or Both

                                                “I have lived in important places, times

                                                When great events were decided…

                                                     Till Homer’s ghost came whispering to my mind.

                                                He said: I made the Iliad from such

                                                A local row. Gods make their own importance.”

                                                                                     Patrick Kavanagh

See you in the holes of America. Poetry must be written.

But also be sure to read the writing on the red hats

MOTHERFUCKERS, this is

the death of THE NATION STATE, which let’s face it:

good for the imperialists and colonizers and the rich, but the rest of the world

NOT SO FUCKING MUCH.

You can write with abandon.  You can fuck meter.  You can sit your fat ass prepositions all over the white space of this page because covering the white is turning out to be preferable and maybe even necessary. 

Eat hallucinogens. 

Epic poetry is now back in — you’ll need your imagination. 

The Poets must be verbose now. The current leader, the spearhead of this 9-5 serfdom, is winning brevity with his 140 character ruling decrees. 

Terseness is something to leave behind. 

(A lot of my male friends will not like this stance,  but you and I both know those men that object

still resist a female lead; and you’ll take this longwinded bitch

in a foxhole over their sparse verse any day—

well not any day— actually not most days, 

but you will on the day the shit hits the fan). 

WE ARE GOING TO BE IN CRISIS. 

I am one shitty poet,  but turns out I am also a good-ole-fashioned,  write-that-new-Amendment,  type of suffragist,

civil rights teacher-reader

poet of a patriot.

Seems politics are starting to loop back around to needing my type of poetry. 

I am with you in the holes of America.  I read too much history.  I have too many facts

to not WARN you, 

that this time—  actually— it is different. 

Things won’t really ever be the same again:

And I, for one, blame it on white women

who cared more about marriage than democracy.

 November 9, 2016: Some Thoughts For My Students and My Niece Annabelle

Today your mother, my sister, texted me.  Your mother told us, all six of her siblings,  when you woke to hear the news:

Hillary lost, Trump was King,  you cried your eyes out, and she told us when she assured you it would change in four years, you asked if you would live to be seventeen. 

*

My beloved sophomores, so bright and young and new, I am sorry I missed our classes today. 

You see, I have been waiting for a woman president all my life. 

My mother likes to tell the tale of my first feminist moment:

riding in the back of a brown-paneled station wagon,  I argued with a minister’s son,  I was all of five. 

I told him God didn’t have to be a man.  My mom recalls I then yelled up to her for support. She said, she hadn’t 

really thought of it until then. There are more stories of how 

I got to be waiting for a woman to be president all my life. 

Suffice it to say, I thought it would happen this time. So, on Tuesday, at five p.m.,  I let work know 

I would not be in on Wednesday.  Surely, I would be too hung over from shots of whiskey victory. I wasn’t.  

The sexual assailant won,  not the woman with thirty years experience. 

I was not hung over from booze,  but I was battered in grief. 

*

I am so sorry to all of my Muslim students, friends,  and their families. I thought, 

knowing the Know-Nothings and Nativists the way I do, that history 

could not repeat itself again. I, being raised Catholic and part of an Irish clan, 

assumed we were past those days when we elected the first non-Wasp man. 

I am sorry I did not know better.  I am sorry I believed in everyone so much.  I really should have guessed this.  I mean, that Catholic president, was shot in Dallas dead, cold, assassinated and such. 

*

I know most of my black friends, co-workers,  and past lovers aren’t shocked. I was so sure this moment, 

the suffragists’ moment was coming,  I did not want to listen to your worry about this Tuesday— your doubt and anger. 

I assumed there simply was no way the evening’s winner would be

endorsed by the KKK.

My naivety and privilege let me think this could never be true; it was as if I believed

my own experience was the thing that would drive voting that day and I am so sorry I did not listen to you. 

*

I want to speak to all the victims of sexual assault. 

Yet again, you are not believed and we had another lesson in how rape culture is taught. 

I wish this were not the case,  what will it take for people to believe that powerful men do rape? 

*

I think about all the workers in Nevada, the Latinx hotel employees I do not know.  You showed up in numbers and turned

that swing state blue. 

We all should have followed your warning, you know Trump all too well— You work in his establishments and cannot

unionize in his hell.

I have a sad message to the Syrian children hoping to come here. 

We elected a man who is scared of you,  and I regret to say, there is no chance you will be allowed in. 

*

I suspect almost all of the indigenous people fighting for water could say how they knew this was coming, if I really think about it,  quite frankly, this is nothing new:  de rigueur actions from Americans’ politics and politicians, even Obama is slow in helping you.

*

This bigoted assailant will now try to regulate love, and who can marry whom; but don’t worry too much:  we all can go buy guns. 

Dear would-be Madam President, I apologize to you.  I’m sorry you won the popular vote but not the electoral too. 

I apologize to all my white friends who warned me that Trump could be our fate. 

I argued with your profusely, I did not take your stance. 

If you knew this was the outcome, why did you do nothing to stop it?

(I wonder how you cast your ballot, which of them are you)

To all the American white people.  I hope you don’t rule again for years.

* 

But, I am mostly sorry to my sophomores, so sorry I did not make it to school November 9th.

I did not come to let you know it would be okay.  I’m not one for lying to children anyway.

I am sorry I was missing.  I will be there tomorrow. 

We will read Tagore and Yeats. 

Will you please forgive me? 

I am still crying, as ridiculous as that might be, and although an adult, it feels like I am still riding in the back of that station wagon on my way to preschool

very unsure about the rules of this world

and wondering when women will have their shot.

Okay, Annabelle, my tenth graders? 

I leave it now to you.

Monica Rowley teaches amazing high school students in Brooklyn, noting that they are far better than she is at trigonometry and pentameter. She loves sharks and tigers, Gilgamesh, and Ramprasad Sen's poetry to the Goddess Kali. She is the oldest of seven, and her siblings are her best friends. She considers this turn of sibling luck the best fortune she could have.  Monica has been the recipient of several grants and awards, including one from the National Endowment for the Humanities. If you would like to read more of her poems, check them out on Brooklyn Poets’ The Bridge or in the upcoming issue of the Irish literary journal, The Ogham Stone.

[joshmspicer]

Ask me! I’ll answer honestly

Nabbed from @nachosforfree​

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I’m okay where I am, maybe a smidge taller. 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) A Charizard, but one that’s lovable and thinks it’s a dog while aware of its tail. 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Not really 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Pokemon Crystal 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Wrestling stuff, what I’m gonna do going forward in life, and how much of a liar I am. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? “Be aware of being unable to hear him. It’s okay, you’re not the only one. If he gets mad, stay calm about it.” 7: What is your opinion on Disney remakes? Fuck it, I already sold my soul to them long ago. 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Dunno, don’t feel like looking those up. Sorry. 9: Are you ticklish? [Oh god, I don’t wanna say yes, then I’ll get tickled, but if I say no then they might get suspicious and tickle me anyway so I don’t know.] 10: Are you allergic to anything? Failure...but not really 11: What’s your sexuality? A human 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa 13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat, but still love dogs 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Elf 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Right now it’s probably Everglow 16: How tall are you? 5′ 9″ 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Officially to Joshua Meredith Spicer, but probably something like Joshua Meredith Crumpton-Spicer to keep the Crumpton name going 18: How much do you weigh? 220 lbs.-ish 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Yes 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space 21: Are you religious? Yes 22: Pet peeves? What does my pet peeve? 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Noc 24: Favorite constellation? Stars 25: Favorite star? Brian Blessed 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I like vagina-jointed dolls 27: Any phobias or fears? Advanced darkness, being completely alone, the undying pressure of living my goals but settling and giving up and making my mom disappointed. I don’t know why, my mom means nothing to me beyond a base level of love and care, but she just won’t shut the fuck up. 28: Do you think global warming is real? Of fucking course. If you don’t you’re well and truly an idiot. 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Yes 30: Favorite movie? Christopher Robin 31: Do you get scared easily? Jumpscared usually 32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 6 orange cats, one was officially ours named Festus. Keeshound named Hunter. Calico cat named Callie that we saved from the vet. Black cat named Borus. Husky named Rory/Aurora that we red to get eight puppies. We kept three of them named Stitches (mom tried to eat her at birth but my mum saved her), Tiki/Tikitus (dumb as fuck, and I do mean dumb as fuck, the guy was a literal moose), and Brutus (most loving dog ever but will force his love on you god dammit.) Two terriers named Sophie and Charlie that my mom kind of adopted from her current husband. 33: Blog rate? $75 a night for a double 34: What is a color that calms you? Couldn’t say 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? California, Vancouver, Toronto 36: Where were you born? Mason City, Iowa

37: What is your eye color? Blue 38: Introvert or extrovert? Intro by design, extro when needed 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Yes 40: Hugs or kisses? Sure 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? My sister 42: Who is someone you love deeply? My sister who is the only relative I trust wholeheartedly 43: Any piercings you want?  No 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I can 45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? No and no 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! God she’s so amazing. Big dork but a hell of a smile. So shy when she does’t need to be. 47: What is a sound you really hate? When a tree falls in the woods. 48: A sound you really love? I dunno 49: Can you do a backflip? No 50: Can you do the splits? Poorly 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Ryan Reynolds and Emily Blunt 52: Favorite movie? Christopher Robin, didn’t we already--yeah, #30 53: How are you feeling right now? Alright 54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I’m okay 55: When did you feel happiest? Couldn’t tell ya 56: Something that calms you down? Can’t think of anything right now 57: Have any mental disorders? None that are diagnosed 58: What does your URL mean? Name I came up with when I first joined the internet. An OC brother of Jack Spicer from Xiaolin Showdown that I used on an old XS RP board. 59: What three words describe you the most? Kind, empathetic, stubborn 60: Do you believe in evolution? In some ways yes 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? If they’re too hamfisted in their belief/opinion to the point that it contradicts something so blatantly that they don’t realize it OR if they blatantly post a cheating/NTR fic/art with no remorse or with enjoyment. 62: What makes you follow a blog? Fun opinions, great art 63: Favorite kind of person: Someone who appreciates you for who you are and won’t judge you for your interests or dislikes. Kind and sweet, trustworthy, able to talk to. 64: Favorite animal(s): Cats, dogs, foxes 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. Nah 66: Favorite emoticon: Nah 67: Favorite meme: Right now it’s still surprised Pikachu. All time it’s probably the flagging ref 68: What is your MBTI personality type? Dunno 69: What is your star sign? Cancer 70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? T-shirt, jeans, converse rip-offs, white socks, and my blue Menards jacket 72: Post a selfie or two? Yeah sure, see down at the bottom. 73: Do you have platform shoes? No 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? This question is always asked and I never know what the fuck to post. 75: Can you do a front flip? No 76: Do you like birds? All but geese and Pidgey 77: Do you like to swim? Not particulary 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Teeth diseases 80: Some thing you wish did exist: All my hopes and dreams 81: Piercings you have? None 82: Something you really enjoy doing: Sitting here at the computer and coming up with film plots and characters that will probably never be made. 83: Favorite person to talk to: My sister or Dawn 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? Good site in concept with a nice structure that holds up when it works but shit-tier communication from the top down and a tendency to break 85: How many followers do you have? 200+ 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Maybe if I actually gave a shit about a mile I would but the mile was the stupidest fucking thing in gym class 87: Do your socks always match? Yes 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? No 89: What are your birthstones? Ruby 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? A house cat 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Dunno 92: A store you hate? Salvation Army 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? None 94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly 95: Do you like to wear camo? Not really 96: Winter or summer? Summer 97: How long can you hold your breath for? Dunno 98: Least favorite person? My mom’s husband 99: Someone you look up to: Dunno 100: A store you love? Hot Topic or Video Games Etc. 101: Favorite type of shoes Tennis shoes, converse 102: Where do you live? Denver, CO 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? No 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Not particularly 105: Do you drink milk? Yes, I’m grown up 106: Do you like bugs? Eh 107: Do you like spiders? No 108: Something you get paranoid about? The weight of pressure ever expanding on me 109: Can you draw: Not well. I can doodle decently. 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? Nothing I can think of 111: A question you hate being asked? “What was that? Why can’t you slow down? Why can’t you speak up” 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Maybe once 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yes 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy 115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: Couldn’t tell ya 116: Favorite cloud type: Blonde, long-ass sword 117: What color do you wish the sky was? Warm orange/yellow 118: Do you have freckles? Yes 119: Favorite thing about a person: Their laugh (usually), their voice 120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits 121: Something you want to do right now: Nothing forever 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean 123: Sweet or sour foods? Sweet 124: Bright or dim lights? Bright 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Maybe 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: @staff​ 127: Something you love about Tumblr: Everything else 128: What do you think about the least? All the friends I’ve left behind 129: What would you want written on your tombstone? “This bitch empty. I’m ash so let the world turn to me.” 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Myself 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? I can give advice and feel emotion for anybody but lack the ability to practice what I preach. 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No 133: Computer or TV? Computer 134: Do you like roller coasters? Yeah sure 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Only when I’m cramped and already have a headache 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Lobed 137: Do you believe in karma? Yes 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? I’ve been told I’m a 7 by a gay guy when I was in high school and wasn’t fat or hairy. I’d say maybe a 5 now-a-days. 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? McLovin, Toad/Toadman, Crumpton 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes 141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good with what they know of me 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Receiving gifts, giving help 144: What makes you angry When people can’t hear me despite speaking clear as possible. When people go through my shit without my express permission. When people disobey people’s trust and relationships. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently? English. Really wanna learn Japanese. 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? Females for the most part but I’m coming around to males 147: Are you androgynous? No 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My hair when it’s not bed-ridden 149: Favorite thing about your personality: Empathy boiiii 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. Dawn, my sister, Caroline 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? Post-WW2 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Neutral 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? I time warped to the future and decided I’m good. 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Not really 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Never tried 156: What embarrasses you? My stutter. My internet past, much to my chagrin. My likes and interests to somebody new. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Introducing my likes and interests to somebody new. 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: “Yes I’ve totally been going to football practice for the last two months.” “Yes I’ve totally been going to school for the last two months.” 159: How many people are you following? A lot 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? A lot 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? None on purpose 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? Not a lot 163: Last time you cried and why: Infinity War on its third rewatch because Peter 164: Do you have long or short hair? Longer 165: Longest your hair has ever been: Probably now 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? It gives me hope that everything will be okay when I die. It also gives me hope that people can be good. There are bad people within this sect, yes, but there are good people out there. Genuinely good people. I’ve met them. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really 168: Do you like to wear makeup? No 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?  Mostly

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A Definitive Ranking Of Girl Scout Cookies By Betchiness

About this time every year the entire country (or maybe the whole world, IDK) freaks the fuck out over Girl Scout cookies. Weird kids who like camping and being nice come to your door in creepy-ass uniforms and the mom posse at work sends mass emails about ordering on time. And then a passive-aggressive fight breaks out over whose kid you’re going to order from, and then Debbie stops getting invited to the after-work happy hours and you all have to pretend it’s not weird, and … wait, where was I? Oh yeah. While normally all that pestering would annoy the shit out of me, when it comes to Thin Mints and Tagalongs you can spam my inbox all fucking day. So to get you ready for cookie season (which cruelly comes right before beach season, WHY), were ranking all of the treats by betchiness so you know which ones to buy and which ones are total social suicide.

12. Do-si-dos/Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Look, its a Girl Scout cookie so its not like its bad or anything, its just not great. First, let’s talk about these names. On the one hand, you’ve got Do-si-do, which makes me feel like I’m at a square dance. Also, I’m not sure what hoe-downs have to do with peanut butter and oatmeal. Speaking of, your alternative name is “Peanut Butter Sandwich”real inventive. Then you get to the cookie, which is just two (chocolate chip-less) oatmeal cookies with peanut butter in the middle. Whatever you call these, theyre fat and lumpy and ugly. Kinda like you will be after you eat a whole box of ’em.

11. Trios

Another oatmeal cookie. Bleh. The Trio has chocolate chips in it, though, so it beats out the Do-si-do. But really, if you’re going to spend $6or whatever ungodly amount they’re charging these dayson some fucking oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, it’s time to look at your life, look at your choices.

10. Smores

“Crunchy graham sandwich cookies with creamy chocolate and marshmallowy filling” sounds pretty good and all, but we fail to see how these differ from Oreo S’mores, which you can literally buy for half the price at Target. you say. Ok. Fine. On a less cheap note, these things are the newest to the cookie roster and youve gotta pay your dues before you get to sit with the plastics classics.

9. S’mores

That’s not a typo; there are two s’mores flavored cookies that are both creatively named “Girl Scout S’mores”. Like, what? You mean to tell me Tagalongs have two different names depending on what region of the country you’re in, but you couldn’t come up with a separate name for a whole other cookie? Normally I’d admire that type of commitment to not doing work, but that shit is just laziness. Do better, Girl Scouts. Anyway, this shit is essentially a graham cracker that’s dipped in “crme icing” aka fake marshmallow shit and then covered in chocolate. Anything that’s covered in chocolate is a definite yes in my book (future lovers, take note), but Girl Scouts really shot itself in the foot with the description on this one. “WHOA!”? Really? Does this really warrant an all-caps WHOA? The person who wrote this description is the type of person who talks about how “naughty” they’re being when they order fries at a restaurant instead of a side salad. I cannot, in good conscience, award this cookie any higher of a place on the betch scale.

8. Trefoils/Shortbreads

Trefoils are kind of like that teacher at your high school who only does the bare minimum and you wonder how they’re still there when you go back to visit for your 10th year reunion. The answer, for both the teacher and this cookie, is tenure. Trefoils are a pretty good option when you want to eat dessert but also partake in some cognitive dissonance, i.e. False. It can be that bad, because I’m sure these things are straight butter. Look, there’s even a sugar cube next to it in the picture! So anyway, while I’m sure we’ll have to pry these cookies from Juliette Gordon Low’s dead hands, Trefoils are actually pretty basic and not that great.Plus, the Girl Scouts have gone fucking ham with flavored shortbread cookie options lately (well get to those later) so you might as well branch out and not be a dud.

7. Toffee-tastics

There’s not much else to say about Toffee-tastics. I’ve never heard of them in my life, and they’re a regular-ass shortbread cookie with some toffee thrown in for a little excitement. They’re kinda like, the Danielle M. of Girl Scout cookies. Bonus betch points awarded for being gluten free, though.

6. Lemonades

Meet the lemon version of a Trefoil. Its not gluten free so youre probably wondering why its higher up than Toffee-tastic, and thats because unlike the Grammys we here at Betches appreciate Beyonc and the creative genius that is and want to show it some love. Beyhive for life (please don’t come after us).

5. Thanks-A-Lots

Finally the last shortbread. Someone in the kitchen is the fucking Gretchen Weiners of shortbread, and Girl Scouts really needs to get out more and come up with some new ideas. Shortbread? For cookies? Groundbreaking. Anyway, this one is at the top of its friend group because its dipped in chocolate (see my previous note). But it’s not higher up on the list in general because it’s called a Thanks-A-Lot. Like bitch, what are you thanking me for? You’re thanking me for eating you? That’s like your friend Karen who catches her boyfriend cheating, only to end up apologizing for “not appreciating him enough.” We don’t like Delusional Daters or delusional cookies, so the best these are gonna get is the middle of the pack.

4. Savannah Smiles

Is this what that girl from was talking about when she said she wanted to bake a cake of rainbows and smiles?? Whoa. I think I’m onto something here. Savannah Smiles are cute little tea cookies dusted in powdered sugar, and they look like something you snacked on at cotillion class before your Deb Ball. V betchy. Theyre also not going to make you (as) fat because there are only 140 calories in five cookies. And if youre eating more than five in one session, you need therapy. Or Jesus.

3. Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties

First things first, wtf is a Peanut Butter Patty? Just no. I am ride or die for Team Tagalong. You can put that on my gravestone. If I had to guess, TAGALONGS are like 50% of the populations fave, and it’s easy to see why. Its peanut butter on top of a cookie and then the whole thing is covered in chocolate and sprinkled with hopes and dreams. It only loses points for being one of the unhealthiest cookies, but fuck it. I said I was ride or die, and I choose death by Tagalong.

2. Samoas/Caramel deLites

God these are so fucking good. Theyre covered in caramel and dark chocolate and coconut, so its safe to say theyre the most sophisticated of all the cookies. Samoas are def the most inventive in terms of shape, texture, and flavor combination. Also, they have a hole in the middle which allows us to pretend they’re less calories than the other fully circular cookies. The only reason Samoas aren’t number 1 is because we’re not sure if the name is vaguely racist or not. Are you still allowed to say Samoa?

1. Thin Mints

Fucking duh. The day they get rid of Thin Mints will be the day hell freezes over. Actually, given that our country is run by a moldy fascist clementine and New York City’s weather forecast is a page out of the screenplay, that’s probably not such a good metaphor. But you get my point: Thin Mints are amazing. You can eat them plain. You can freeze them and crumble them on ice cream. You can make alcoholic Thin Mint milkshakes. The limit on your fatness truly does not exist when Thin Mints are involved. And in case their versatility wasnt enough, theyre veganbut we bet you didn’t even know that because they’re not constantly broadcasting it. All hail Thin Mints.

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