#also just. not forcing myself to draw shit. very epic very cool

[cryptic-bee]

my beloved son Jingle. she is slightly deranged. she might have a biting problem.

new oc made based on a heart thing my nephew made in school that I didn't realize was meant to be Zooble and Gangle from TADC till after I finished her. erm. hands you my clown creature

including her ref + the heart that inspired her below smile

Jingle <3

[songs-about-girls-like-me]

chapter 7: the school camp pt.3, my ego balancing

We're still at the disco. After a bunch of songs, I thought I could sit down for a second and I found my way to these two steps where I had spent almost all night people-watching two years ago, when I was in 3rd grade. Then Max, a girl who was never seen with her hair down and was kind of an asshole, sat next to me. "You seem like you're enjoying yourself" She said it as if she could make me feel bad about my dancing. She knew I was in Jazz and that I took it seriously. "I am!" I smiled, acting as if I didn’t even noticed the mocking undertone. "Fair… you look kiiiinda cool, Rees" My ego was through the roof and I couldn't help but feel great about myself and my cool vibe and my cool dancing. I hadn’t expected anyone to say anything about it. Now I thought maaaaybe more people had maaaybe noticed. I grinned, unable to have a less conceited reaction. It was this type of comments what made me think Max wasn't just an asshole at all Times. Even if our first interaction ever had literally been her, questioning and making fun of something I'd drawn for our first primary school activity, a picture of our summer vacation. My drawing was great may I add, even if I had to hide it away from her and her friends (who had become friends just 10 minutes earlier). The drawing was still up on my wall cause I had really actually liked it. "What? Are you not having fun?" I said teasing her back, knowing this was the type of thing she'd despise. "I hate these things" She looked at me and understood I was being sarcastic and had outsmarted her. We laughed and then I forced her to stand up and dance with the bunch of our girl classmates. Ella included, obviously.

A song called “Chiquetere” played next, and our teacher sang it and we all cheered for him which was very random and very fun and almost "epic" cause we were 10, and I had a great laugh. Then when we went back to the dorm, the only person I managed to have as my partner to share the twin bunk beds with was one of our 20something year old camp instructors. Which balanced my ego just enough. The next day, we had the best spaghetti bolognese ever and I almost pissed my pants laughing during lunch just cause our table of classmates was that fun. Later that evening, I was the literal worst shooting an arrow cause my aim was so shit (I was 1 out of the 2 idiots who got the arrow to hit the grass intead of the huge foam target in front of us). And then at night, I was on the edge of my seat the whole Time during the bonfire cause I had a deep disgust towards this specific food and had to stay 10 metters away from anyone who had made contact with it, except Ella who I let sit just one metter away from me. I would've felt lonely if I wasn't so anxious, but I was still annoyed. I managed to have some roasted marshmallows and Ella would come sit a couple steps away from Time to Time so we could chat. She would also ask people to just leave if they got a bit too close to me. She was a real trooper, I was really glad that she understood and would yell at people for me lol.

The last morning there, I was the literal best on the last game of the camp, where we had to balance while sitting on top of a trash can type thing which was hanging transversally from a rope. It was supposed to be a wild horse, and it just tilted and turned every way the second you even touched it, throwing you to the ground on top of a pile of dry pine needles with a big thump. Ella had been better than average on it and I was ready to try my best too. When I sat on top of it and lifted my feet from the ground, I didn't move one bit and I was so surprised I thought I had done something wrong or maybe I was cheating somehow unintentionally. But I was not and I was able to stay completely still for 3 whole seconds there, and I heard a little "oh" coming from my classmates and I was also in shock of my balance. Then the thing started moving and I still got a couple more seconds up there when I used all my hands-legs coordination. Everyone was counting out loud and when I hit the ground on my back, it had been 5 whole seconds, almost 6, which was a lot. I stood up with a victory smile on my face, feeling all the pine needles getting through the knit in my clothes to my skin. My classmates cheered on for me just as they did for everyone else and some even said it had been cool. I overheard that girl called Max, the asshole, telling her friends and everyone around her that the only reason I was so good at it, was the fact that I was "so skinny". I just rolled my eyes. I knew that was not how gravity works cause even a baby would make it tilt, and it had actually been my great balance and coordination. I didn’t care to correct her but I over confirmed the fact that they were dumb. Also, Ella and I were already busy talking about how we both had been the best and then our conversation trailed off to BarbieGirl.com and making up stories about our new avatar game we were obsessed with (wait for next chapter to understand this last bit).

My family arrived a bit late but I didn't mind cause the atmosphere with my classmates still felt really exciting after spending so many days together. I told a story about my sister getting caught in a hotel elevator doors when she was very little and how funny it was when the doors opened on her perfectly without hurting her cause she was wearing a floatie and everyone was laughing hard at the story. Even the older lady in charge of the camp was hearing and was laughing with her eyes closed. I really felt great when I got the punch line right when telling a story, and people were asking me to re-tell the last bit. When my family arrived, I ran to hug them, and even my grandmother was there. The afternoon light was blue but it didn't rain, and I loved it. My sisters and I had so much horchata to drink, and I also had many slices of cake on napkins. My dad kept asking me to bring him another cake slice on a napkin and it was so fun asking "chocolate or vanilla?" and going choose one slice for him. I showed my parents around the woods and the dorm, even if my sister and myself had already showed them around years before. I could really "talk nineteen to the dozen", so I could be a talking nightmare after weekends like this.

[wovenstarlight]

YWBK update: chapter 25 + liner notes

yesterday will be kinder has updated! you can read chapter 25 here, or start from the beginning here

okay, on to notes and commentary! first time i’m doing these, let’s hope this works out. commentary under the cut to save people’s dashes

Hamin laughs. “Given how bad you are at not being suspicious, that’s understandable.” “Oh, come on, I’m not that bad.” Hamin screws up his whole face in a squint. “Okay, so maybe I’m a little bad.”

this part was really funny to me when i wrote it because i was like “hmm reasons for DHM to understand why HHJ wouldn’t work in the guild” and then i was like Wait. Their Whole First Meeting, Dude. DHM was lowkey convinced for the longest time that HHJ was like, on the run from the KR version of the mafia, and got plastic surgery to look like his little brothers, and is possibly in some sort of witness protection program??? or something??? how else does he not have cops on his ass this man is so suspicious all the time

“I don’t think… They said the dungeons were, like, different worlds? Did they find people there?”

mafia theory second place. dungeon theory first place

“Like, humans? Um. No, no humans.” “So then you can’t be from there. Okay.”

dungeon theory shot down. mafia theory back in the running

“Hey,” he says cautiously. “I’m— I’m gonna go get us some water, okay? Why don’t you… take a minute.” “Okay.” “The bathroom is over there, if you need it.” “Okay. Thank you.”

after four years working alongside a guy you start to notice when he’s feeling a little out of it and needs a bit of a break... but as JHW mentions later you also learn to be a little subtle about giving him one

jung heewon What’s with your typing? It reads like Jihye’s [HYJ]’s fine. Very energetic Too energetic? He’s going to burn out. How do I make him calm down

Epic Burnout Man makes a reappearance! when translating sclass one of the things that makes me want to shake HYJ most is his habit of constantly adding things to his to-do list while he already has 1 billion things on his plate. and all the time he’s whining about “UGH there’s SO MUCH WORK to do” No One Asked You To Do It

Anyway. the point is. HYJ isn’t about to be beat by HHJ at Developing Issues 😔

jung heewon I haven’t spoken to him directly about this because if he’s anything like you he’ll take it as an insult You wtf whts tht supposed 2 mean quit typing jung heewon Better not say shit, mr “No, I can’t take days off and cater to my interests or go out with friends or on a date, I’m too busy taking care of the kids and making sure their needs are met, no I don’t care that there are thousands of people out there balancing personal enjoyment and romance and work AND kids at the same time, are you suggesting I be a BAD GUARDIAN to MY KIDS?”

see above re: not being too direct with pointing out when HHJ’s having Issues because he doesn’t react well

You wht but our eyes r fine jung heewon Even if having glasses doesn’t run in the family, you should still get him checked, just in case

top 10 funny time travel moments: referring to you and your past self as “us” (our = my eyes are fine), but other people think you mean “our family” (our eyes are fine = no family history of long/shortsightedness)

Also. Sooyoung-ie says hi [Attachment: 20XX1213_144516.jpg] 

ok no lie this was one of the parts that pissed me off the most, even though it’s Literally One Line, because. i love chat exchanges. i really do. when done right they’re a lot of fun to read. But Do You Know How Long It Took Me To Figure Out A Calendar For The Events In This Fic. now everything’s TIMED i have to count HOW MANY DAYS IT’S BEEN since XY event so i can CORRECTLY NUMBER the FILE ATTACHMENTS!!! this sucks!!! it took me fucking forever to pin down a timeline just so i could write this chapter plus the few before and after it!!!!

anyway i gave up when i reached year. i just put 20XX. fuck it. we are running on fairy tail time now. (actually i think that’s XXnumber number? XX76? or was it X796. something like that. Who cares i stopped watching fairy tail forever ago)

Fuck it! Hamin will understand!! “If you Awaken you should come work with me,” Han Hyunjae says all in a rush. 

“HAMIN WILL UNDERSTAND” => he literally was cool with me giving zero context for half a dozen absolute balls to the wall nonsense bullshit things i’ve done before. he’ll be fine with this too. dog_in_burning_house_this_is_fine.png

“You already know about the guilds, those are going to be for dungeon Hunters, but I was thinking of forming something like an independent group of contractors. Awakened people with skills that aren’t useful for combat, but that might… that will be generally useful. It’d be you and me, and maybe one other guy I met recently. Probably more in the future.”

given that HHJ has no idea currently that peace exists (i’m so sorry baby i’ll find a way to shoehorn you in soon i miss you so much) he’s got no intentions to start a kiseungsu business yet! he mostly wants to live quietly while just acting as a manager for other Awakening-related services, like YMW’s forge and DHM’s tracking service, along with the information exchange/lowkey spy ring that he’s planning on setting up with JHW and the bar. since HYH is fine associating with him in this timeline, HHJ’s thinking he can get a foot in the door that way, then eventually spread out into dealings with most major guild leaders

RIP to this plan. you were well-made but you will not last long.

“Please, I can’t tell you how I know that, I really can’t, it’d put me and my brothers in danger if it got out. But—” “No need.” Hamin looks slightly alarmed, and Han Hyunjae feels himself settle at the obvious concern in his eyes.

MAFIA THEORY RAPIDLY RISING TO PROMINENCE??? THIS IS NOT HOW DO HAMIN WANTED HIS GUESS CONFIRMED

“I spoke to the Task Force Head and she said that there’s been discussion about hosting a meeting for the nearby high-rankers, where they’ll announce the guild proposal and see who else is interested in trying it out.”

“they’ll announce” i’m sorry king 💔 you deserved a nap

(OH ALSO FUN FACT choi eunyoung is a canon character, not an OC of mine! she appears in uhhh i think late 140s? 150s? something like that)

“I think there’s… probably only one other S-rank who’s Awakened right now?”

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehhehe

Hamin beams. “No, they’re doing great! Spookie’s taken really well to the new housing situation, but I think Spots might miss the store…”

shoutout to @daemonic-dawn​ for letting me borrow a pet name, love u king. i had a much longer ramble about pet names here but i finished typing and realized it was all entirely off topic so i removed it for convenience

Hyunjae makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. “Don’t— I mean.” He huffs, visibly taking a deep breath, and Yoojin frowns reflexively. [...] “Is everything alright?” Yoojin kind of wants to be annoyed at his tone on principle, but he forces his shoulders to relax, matching Hyunjae’s posture. Though he can’t stop himself from being a little short when he answers.

things the brothers have learned in four years living together: getting confrontational often leads to arguments that just fizzle out anyway, so it’s way fucking easier to consciously tone down their combativeness in advance when talking to each other about things they have problems with, instead of screaming their heads off and then having to calm yoohyun down afterwards to boot

“I guess. Whatever.” Yoojin slumps. “Can I…” “Hm?” Hyunjae blinks at Yoojin as he gestures to the spot on the bed beside him, then jolts. “Oh! Yeah, sure, c’mere.” He opens his arms, and Yoojin goes over and flumps on the bed, head in Hyunjae’s lap. Almost immediately, Hyunjae starts stroking fingers through his hair, and Yoojin relaxes into the touch, listening as Hyunjae continues speaking.

cuddles 🥺🥺🥺 sorry i don’t have any other commentary here just. cuddles. extremely and overwhelmingly comforting for a man who spent the better part of 8 years(?) with no major positive relationships, and a kid who spent 12 years of early life basically abandoned by his parents. you had best bet they gave up on not hugging each other 1 year into this whole mess

Yoojin hums in acknowledgement. It’s not like he’d ever let himself get hurt; he has too many responsibilities to his family and friends. If he wants to be good enough to keep up, he can’t afford to fuck up like that. But… hyung will worry if he keeps working so hard. He can slow down a little for him. 

Problems disorder man when will you stop. the way he sees “getting hurt” as an inconvenience and an obstacle to his duties rather than a danger to himself. the way he doesn’t really care if he himself gets hurt, but if it’ll worry his family, then it’s a no-no. it’s just. wow. i know i wrote this but i hate him

“Not really. I talk to Myeongwoo about it sometimes.” “Ah, right, Myeongwoo.”

haha gays

“Don’t be weird about him,” Yoojin warns[...]. “I won’t, promise.”

if the “i won’t” line had a dialogue tag it’d be “Han Hyunjae lied”

“Is Eunwoo still in his relationship?” “Mhm, happy as ever. Apparently they’re trying long-distance, now that Eunwoo’s gone off to university abroad.”

three guesses for who eunwoo’s dating and you won’t need the first two

Hyunjae raises his hands like he’s going to deny the accusations levelled against him, so Yoojin seizes him by the collar and shakes him until he cries for mercy

oh my o/rv ass struggled so bad with not writing “shakes him like a man betrayed” here. it killed me not to. but in the end i prevailed (against, uh, myself. don’t think about it too hard.)

“Jeez, okay, he’s an F-rank!” “Eh?! Then why—” “He’s also got an SS-rank potential skill,” Hyunjae admits[...].

play-by-play of this scene because god if i draw any scene in this fic it would be this one just for the sheer hysterical nature of HYJ’s reaction:

YOOJIN: I HATE YOU WHAT THE FUCK WHY. TELL ME HIS RANK

HYUNJAE: HE’S AN F

YOOJIN: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?

HYUNJAE: he’s also got an SS-rank skill,

YOOJIN:

[desire-tenderness]

I will return to old Brazil

I’m three weeks away in New York on a laser and independence trip, I miss home. It’s only two days away and soon I’m back in Brazil to meet my family and friends. I was taking the opportunity to organize some of the things, like some clothes and documents, that’s when I missed my passport. “Where did it go, my God?! My credit card was on the cover. I’ve turned this apartment upside down and can’t find it anywhere. There’s no way I lost! This shit only happens to me. I only have two more days stay in this Irbnb, how will I solve the problem of passport loss in two days without my credit card!? I don’t have a penny more.” [ranting, going into outbreak] “OK, relax, I’m smart! I need to raise money for at least another day or two, I have enough for daily meals. Well, didn’t I want to experience something unique and inspiring? Here’s a chance to have a tragic story to tell and laugh at later.” [I thought out loud]  “I can manage as a street performer, starting tomorrow. I take my ukulele and some blank sheets of paper and make illustrations of pedestrians, I hope to reap the benefits of that. The last place I remember seeing my passport was yesterday when I was at the MoMA. Now I need to go back there and hope that I find in the "lost and found" of the place.” [The next day] I woke up early today and I’m already on my way to Central Park, hoping to find a space on Bethesda Terrace to play. The first time I went I saw a young man playing the cello so beautifully, it made me overflow with emotion. I played some songs, I noticed that I had a very positive return looking at the cover of Ukulele, I was curious to tell how much money I had made with those 5 songs played. It’s quite amazing the satisfaction of playing there, people seem to want to hear me play. I thought of ending with Naive - The Kooks and so I did. - I'm not saying it was your fault Although you could have done more Oh, you're so naïve, yet so..   {music}

Soon formed a circle of people singing together, I was shivered, did not imagine that The Kooks still had an audience. A little girl left $16 on the cover of the instrument, it made me float. With less than a minute to go, I saw a wonderfully attractive boy, at least 15 feet away, "do I know you?" I thought while I messed up a song. At the end of the last song I thanked him and forced my eyes to reach the boy again, but he was no longer there. The minute I thanked her, the same little girl started pulling a leather saying "one more, one more". I didn’t have a repertoire anymore and I couldn’t think of anything. The sky was with an attractive texture and the climate had a palette of color that sent me the song Postcards From Italy - Beirut and without thinking too much about whether or not it made sense for the moment, I started playing and singing. As I played, I closed my eyes to feel the instrumental climax of the song that was approaching. And when I opened my eyes the same boy I saw from afar was standing in front of me watching my show. Who was he? Timothée Chalamet. My whole body was frozen with the fright, but I didn’t want to leave anything evident. If I showed my anxiety, that space would turn into an afternoon of autographs and I don’t want to take your time. Did he give me money? The cover of the instrument had received more notes of paper, but for being with eyes closed I could not see. He smiled and nodded, turned away. I kept silent. Second then I hurried thanking everyone for my return, guarding my instrument and taking my bag. I run after him. - Hey! Timo! He turned at the same second, confused, trying to find who called him. He must have noticed me tightening my stride to get close to him as soon as possible. - Hi! Our is a pleasure, I can’t believe it’s really you. I let you go so you wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but I needed to talk to you and thank you for listening to me play and a lot of other stuff. Sorry, I’m talking too much, all right? I spoke so fast that I hardly breathed. He laughed. - Hi, Beirut, huh? It goes well with today’s weather. It was nice! Am I well and you? Alias, your name? - Do you like Beirut? Gee. My name is (xxxx) but it doesn’t matter now. - Yes, you do. Are you from New York? - No, I come from Brazil. I’m traveling.. The words were disappearing from my mind as the minutes passed, I was somewhat hypnotized. - Cool! I really want to see Brazil someday. Do you want a photo? - Man I want a photo yes. I never thought that moment would be here and now. We took the photo, he thanked me for coming to him and for me playing with such emotion. He finally said that it was "very harmonious". And with a lot of pain in my heart I let him go. "Gee, I met Timothée chalamet two days before returning to Brazil! I must confess that fate has killed, just bring my passport back." [I thought out loud] Arriving at the Moma I received the terrible news that my passport was not there, it was my only hope going down the drain. I wanted to cry out of desperation, but I was also totally happy to have met Timothée and to have taken a picture that I will keep for the rest of my life. "I wish I’d been calmer and sane, I guess I just thought I was crazy. I hope he hasn’t noticed my despair, anxiety and complete fascination. Well, back to what I need to focus on.. Do I get some freelance work at some designer studio? Well, it could be a coffee shop. " The day has gone by so fast, the clock is almost 4:00 p.m. I think I’ll have a cup of coffee and a bite to eat, and I’ll get a job, if that’s not too embarrassing. I thought I’d walk around the West Village and find some cool coffee over there. Said and done, I found a coffee visibly attractive and had a delicious smell coming out the door, but it was empty. I think this is the perfect opportunity for a presentation, so I’m gonna eat something first. I ordered a latte and a lobster, one of my favorite treats. That crispy puff pastry, filled with vanilla cream, caramel and flor de sal makes me roll my eyes. I ate with such desire that I began to remember how surprising my day was. I thought I would make an illustration of the Timothée, a drawing of how I met him, the ambience was delicious to draw in peace and so I did. I noticed that someone came through the cafeteria door, I heard the sound of the door open. It was him, he was again in the same environment as me. The coincidence was so much that I could hardly believe it, I kept my calm. He sat across the room, pretended not to see it.

On the local radio started playing First date - Blink, obviously I started singing and trying to finish my drawing as soon as possible, who knows he could see before going. "Lets go! Don’t Wait! this night’s Almost over Honest, Let’s make this night last Forever' {Music} Suddenly someone came to my table and put a glass of Vanilla Malt and a snack with a great smell. When I looked up he completed the harmony. - Forever and Ever, Let’s make this last Forever. Hi again! "Are you kidding that this is really happening? And if it is not? Well, I will act as if I were dreaming, I can do better in this communication" - I don’t believe it. This is crazy, what are you doing here at my table?! - Would you like me to leave? - You’re crazy, of course not, sit down, please! - So, what are you doing? Wait, that’s... that’s me?! Fuck!  [He pointed to the drawing] - hãnn yes, look.. this coincidence I will never live again. Now in my head I go through a cruel dilemma. - Which would it be? Excuse me. [He took the marvelous drawing and took a photo] - Should I finish it and give it to you, or should I ask for an autograph and frame it? - Hmm look.. my autograph is nothing, I would ruin the drawing, but it’s so awesome, I would love it if it was mine, but I took a picture, it’s worth the frame! - Arranged, Mr. Chalamet. I told him about my passport drama and how distressed I was. His face of "Holy shit, I’m sorry, you’ll have a headache" didn’t help. But he offered me real help with this red tape. "Does that mean I’ll see you beyond today?!" - Okay, you’re tense. Let’s break the ice by relaxing with a theatrical technique. I say a word, you think fast and say the first one that pops into your head. -Okay... Can I get started? [What’s going on here? ] -Yes, of course, yes! - Silver - Gold - Desire - Fire - Friend - you - Call me by your name - And I call you by mine. Oh shit! [laughed with his hand in his mouth] - That’s pretty cool hahaha let me ask. What are you going to do now? I’m really surprised to see you "living normally" - It is sometimes I get this feat. But anyway, I have no plans. - Do you want to go to the street cinema and see what classic is going on today? - My God, yes I am, thank you for the suggestion. We left the cafeteria and I didn’t ask for a job, I don’t regret it, my day is being fucking awesome. We went to the cinema of East Village and Singing in the rain was on display, that was perfect! I’ll watch one of my favorite movies with Timothée, it’s the fourth time I’ve pinched myself and I notice it’s not a dream. This day cannot end. We took the tickets and entered without him being stopped or recognized, I was relieved. And sitting next to him in a movie theater, all I could think about was how I wanted to be able to take his hand, kiss it as classically as the movie we’re watching. He made a story, I’m dying to open my phone and see, knowing that I’m next to him and nobody else but me and he knows, fuck!

At the end of the movie we came out, another coincidence or not, it was raining. I had my instrument and drawing sheets in my purse, but I wanted to literally sing in the rain, only without an umbrella. I dropped everything on the stairs and called him into this brief shower of rain. EPIC. I danced and sang in the rain with Timothée Chalamet and he seems absurdly happy about it.

We end with: "Come on with the Rain I have a Smile on my face I walk down the Lane With a happy refrain Just Singin', Singin' in the Rain" - Do you fancy a bagel or something? - I’m in! Tompkins? - Sure, and you have better? I answer, no way. - That’s so sweet, come on! And so we continued, hungry, laughing and wet. I think he appreciates moments like this, you can see in his eyes extreme pleasure and relief, that’s beautiful. The hunger was so great that we ate 3 bagels with bacon, eggs and cheese. We were wet so we ordered for the trip and ate outside. During the final bites we’ll talk about my passport again. - Where was the last time you saw him and when did you realize he was gone? - The last time was in Moma, the day before yesterday. But I went back there and they did not find.. I realized last night when I was starting to leave part of the suitcases ready to "go back to Brazil tomorrow". - Have you looked in the pockets of the clothes you wore when you went to Moma? - I looked at that jacket 10 times and I couldn’t find it. - Why do you think it’s in my jacket? I always carry a full pair of pants. - My God this is so obvious! I took the laundry to the building, if it is there I owe you my life. - Stop it. Can I go with you and film you finding your passport? [He laughed] - That if I find, will know a mix of relief, gratitude and anger. [laughs together] - Come on.

Yes, my passport and credit card were always "with me", were in the inside pocket of the pants as he had said. I was about to explode with relief!

I was ready to corrupt the good impression made during the day, but I was so excited and happy that I jumped in his lap grabbing his neck and kissing his cheeks.

He was silent as he stared at me confused as he held my thighs around his waist. I felt his breath on my neck, I didn’t want to leave, but I needed to.

- I’m sorry, really, I’m just happy. Thank you. - Don’t worry, it’s fine. I’m glad you found it. Do you still want that autograph? - Of course! [ He signed my drawing and took another picture of it, but this time with me holding the art. ]

- Sing one last song before I go. - My God that hard, I don’t know. Huh.. Sing with me? - If I know. Then I started singing Marvin Gaye’s Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, he seemed surprised. "Just call my name I’ll be there in a Hurry You don’t have to Worry'Cause, baby, there Ain’t no mountain high enough Ain’t no Valley low enough Ain’t no river wide enough To Keep me from Getting to you, baby" We laughed and finished. I was almost crying. Shame, I’m not a child. - So that’s it, I will be eternally grateful for today. Thank you and good luck girl, it was a pleasure. He turned and opened the door, waved his hand. And I recited.. "Now, when Twilight dims the sky above Recalling Thrills of our love There’s one Thing I’m Certain of I will Return to old Brazil" He smiled and came back to me, kissing my forehead. - Until one day, anywhere in the world. - See you, Timolito. He came out and I cried. {This is a fanfic. All I write about is my feelings and desires. TEXT BY: L.M }

[shannonmora]

Back at it again with another diary post! I had to force myself to stop typing last night lol my brain is always poppin off.

Today I want to talk about the three short stories I’m working on that I will be writing for Camp NaNoWriMo next month. My current goal is 30K words since scripting a comic uses way less words than a novel. I hope this will force me to expand every idea as much as possible. I have a bad habit of getting stuck at a part and just writing down something vague. Even as I’m drafting Ghost Story there are parts I haven’t fleshed out. Again, it’s a bit of a procrastination tactic of mine to go back and try to fill in those gaps but for now I’ll let them be. Since it’s the first pass of the first draft find it important to just shit out as much as I can handle. Even if it’s a flimsy finish, at least I have the story figured out for the first part.

Okay, on to the first story. I’ve actually drawn the characters in a recent illustration. I’m still not 100% sure what to call it, but for now I call it “To Say ‘I Love You.’” It features a catboy and doggirl, a completely visual metaphor lol, kinda like how Loveless gives virgins cat ears. Instead of virginity it’s more of a personality signifier. I tried to draw this comic last year and I even got kinda far (I think the early pages are really good and I hope to still use them). I didn’t like how I was presenting the story after a while though, so I am trying to iron it out. 

I placed a lot of my feelings of love and relationships on to the Catboy. I once saw the question “Is it easier to love or be loved?” and I was caught of guard. I had only ever seen people talk about how self love is so hard for them, that they can hate themselves and love so much unconditionally. I didn’t even know how it could be possible to be the reverse, to take other people’s affections so easily but have trouble loving back. But now I know I fit into that category all to well. And it sounds cruel. But ultimately it’s just my personality. Finding someone you can confide in completely about your feelings can be very difficult. People don’t always expect someone being hesitant to love you back. I hope this story works without getting too long or boring, haha. It’s hard to show character’s personalities and relationship in just a few pages.

The next story is one slightly based off an ink drawing I did in 2019 of a cool satyr boy finding a black kitten in the rain. I love fantasy settings but I’m not very good at worldbuilding, haha. So I’m hoping setting short stories in this little universe will help me develop it. I’m a little hesitant to talk more about it because I don’t want to give away the theme and story, but it’s a story I hope will touch people! I think the romance part is rather straight forward, but it ties into a deeper idea of finding where you belong. I’ve yet to think of a good name for it, knowing me I’ll rip it from a song lyric.

The last story has roots in a much older project that I decided to scrape: Dreamscape. The original was supposed to be a fantasy epic of a girl who creates a fantasy world in order to escape her life. I didn’t really develop it very far and it’s just been at the back of my head for a long time. I figured I have too many fantasy epics I want to do so I took the basic idea and spun it into a shorter story. I love the idea of fantasy as escapism but also as a reflection of our problems. I’m rushing getting this story out since I have just had it sitting in the back of my head for about a year. Even as I type this I can feel the ideas coming!

I don’t when I’ll be able to actually DRAW these stories. I much prefer drawing on paper when it comes to inking, though I know my drafting skills aren’t the best. I really want to make the most of what I know and to use both digital and traditional techniques. My plan would be to make the drafts digitally then print them and ink traditionally. I also want to create 3d environments to help me with backgrounds, something that is a HUGE pain for me. 

April begins tomorrow, which means social media will be nothing but “friendly reminder to not post triggering content uwu” and literally nothing fun. I have work tomorrow so I’ll do my best to have my 1k out before work. I also REALLY need to finish outlining Dreamscape, seeing as it’s not even half done yet. Oh god...

[tisthenightofthewitch]

AN INTERVIEW WITH TOBIAS FORGE.

The Swedish rock band Ghost will be performing at the TaxSlayer Center on October 8. Coming off a European stadium tour with Metallica, the group has headlined summer festivals and has embarked on a massive North America tour that includes New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Toronto, Boston … and Moline.

Tobias Forge is Ghost's creative force, front man, singer, songwriter, musician, and architect of the storylines woven through the band's albums, videos, webisodes, and live shows. Although Ghost has been awarded a Grammy and had three consecutive number-one songs on the Billboard mainstream charts, it is the musicians' tongue-in-cheek anti-pope appearance that truly defines them. In a July 30 interview, Tobias spoke about developing the band's visual identity and his aspirations as a filmmaker.

Visuals define Ghost’s image. Are they as important as the music?

Oh, absolutely. Even though I don’t sit down and specifically draw and paint our album covers, I’ve always been very specific in what I wanted. And how I wanted the record sleeve to embody the record I made.

As a record collector, I am more than often compelled by the artwork of a record. I’m a firm believer in a really nice-looking record sleeve. And that makes me want to like the record more. Today, even though people might not consume a recording in the physical way we used to, it’s definitely a case of your visual presentation that accompanies whatever file they are going to listen to. If the graphic content is aesthetically pleasing to the eye, it opens up an avenue into people’s souls. I know this because I’m so easily charmed by record sleeves.

Are the album titles also important?

Absolutely. There needs to be a sort of a narrative between the artwork and the title of the record. And, of course, its content. In some way or form, it helps if the title summarizes a little what the record is about. Usually, most good records have some sort of theme – even though the songs might be about different things.

A lot of singer/songwriters go through phases: it’s the “divorce” album, it’s the “I’ve just gotten married” record. “I’ve just became a father or mother” record. And “now I’m older” record. And “the midnight crisis” record. And “the beard” record. In some way or form, it’s good to communication a little of what kind of state of mind you were in while making it or which state of mind you want the listener to think you were in. As opposed to just leaving it blank.

There’s a fascinating word play in your titles. Do you enjoy playing with words? Creating a sense of mystery through words?

Very much so. I’m also very much influenced by cinema. Even though I know there’s no film called Infestissuman (the title of Ghost’s second album), I also try to come up with a title for a record that could be a film as well. Like a big epic, three-hour mastodon matinée film. (Laughs). I’d like to make a film called Meliora (the title of Ghost's third album).

I understand that you have aspirations to be a filmmaker. That you’re working on a film. Could you speak about the film?

About a future Ghost film?

Yes.

I cannot speak about it in detail. But, yes, I’ve always been very fascinated with the art of filmmaking.

I definitely am in the process of exploring the possibilities of combining my musician career with a film project. Let’s put it that way. And as with anything cinematic, it takes a lot of time – and way more politics – than making a record.

In the process of this, I’m trying to vet my brain and my ideas into being super-sober about making a film that is actually needed and called for and will turn out really great – so that it doesn’t just became a really confusing project.

Over the course of rock history, there are a few films that have been made that are really cool. Even though many of them end up in more of a cult section because they are … weird. I don’t mind weird at all. I grew up watching a lot of films like that.

I would love to make a film. I would love to make it good-weird, but it needs to be good as well. It needs to be something that people can watch. I’m currently in the process of learning if I can.

The humor in your webisodes complements your albums, which sound epic. That’s a fascinating combination.

Yes. Just to give you a hint of what I spoke of in my previous answer about a possible film: a full-length film would be in that vein. Based on that sort of mythology. I believe that there is something more to tell within the storyline – within the concept of what we’ve outlined briefly – in those episodes.

Most of my favorite films have some sort of absurd humor in them.

I think it’s important for films, too. Just as with any dish at any restaurant, there are certain ingredients that you need to have. Even if its just a pinch of salt. Usually you need that. There are certain aspects in there that make it a consumable plate.

Even if you’re making a horror film or drama or thriller, there needs to be some sort of comic relief at some point. I guess what would change in a long format, is that it wouldn’t be as comedic every minute as it is in the short form.

As there is comedy in a horror film, your music has a unique dichotomy. You have metal riffs and an understated singing style. That’s very appealing to me. Was this natural to you? Is it something you developed?

Everything develops on the basis that it is being received. So I believe that to a certain degree if you’re an artist – be it a musical artist or a filmmaker or a writer or a painter – you need to be somewhat auditive when it comes to the needs and the wishes of your receiving part. As much as any aficionado of subculture, I like a lot of artists that just go against everything and make whatever that comes into his or her head regardless of what a public thinks. But most successful artists have in some way or form nurtured the relationship they have between themselves and their audience. The way that you would nurture any relationship with another part – be it a partner in life or a partner in work. There’s some sort of collaboration.

If you look at big bands that went from debutantes playing clubs to big arena acts, their first records are usually slightly more raunchy and maybe faster in tempo and might include a little bit more complicated arrangements. What you usually find over the course of time and further into their careers, they start making records that are more moderately paced. Or they are paced in a different way. Certain songs don’t really translate very well in a very, very big room in front of thousands and thousands of people. Common lingo among rock fans is that, “Oh, they sold out. They just want to sell records.”

No, they write music that will feel comfortable in the setting – in the forum in which they are performing these songs.

You do what you feel is good for both parties, and that’s how you develop your relationship with your crowd. You don’t do this 100 percent all the time. But you should be aware that if you start doing shit that your significant other – in this case the crowd – doesn't like, you’d be stupid if you continue doing it.

Coming out of a Swedish metal tradition, your music is surprisingly melodic. Sometimes hauntingly beautiful tunes with beautiful choirs. How did this sound emerge?

I have always listened to lots of different music styles. Everything more or less oriented in punk and rock. Except for my love for underground extreme metal from the '80s, most of the other types of music that I listen to are actually quite melodic. I’ve always been melody driven. Ninety-nine percent of the time, my way of listening to a song is to listen to the melodies. It doesn’t hurt if there’s a really good rhythm.

For me, melody is like the dialogue of a film. If you just make a film with just background, it might be an interesting idea. But if you want the film to be of value, you definitely need to have someone within frame saying something. And it’s important what he or she is saying. That, for me, is the melody of a song.

But then you can pimp the song out in so many ways and that’s part of the craft of songwriting. But without a melody, the likelihood of a song being good is not big.

On your first album, I understand that you played all of the instruments except the drumming. Is it hard to only be the front man in live performances?

No, I’ve learned how to deal with that. I just had to sort of disregard how I viewed myself. I always thought that I was going to be the lead guitar player of a band. A Keith Richards in the band. My intention with Ghost was the same. During the first four years – between 2006 and 2010 – up until the very last moment of recording the album, I still thought that, just before mixing the record, that we better find a singer. We never found a singer. So we kept my demo vocals basically. I re-sung them to get better takes. They were on the demos just to explain how the song goes.

That’s the way I’ve always worked. When I write a song I always play everything. So regardless of who might have executed it on a record or executed it on stage, it’s always my way of playing. If I were to play a bass in another band, that’s how the bass would sound. If I were to play drums in a band, the basics of how I arrange songs, that what you hear in Ghost. That’s how I play the drums. Then I get a really good drummer in to play really well, but that’s how I approach thought in all these different instruments. And that has become a signature thing for Ghost.

That makes writing records easier. That makes having a band together very hard. But that is just the nature of the beast. It’s just coming to terms with accepting and owning that. It has definitely taken some time.

Fame doesn’t seem to be your prime mover. What do you think of fame now that your identity has been revealed?

I have, as much as anyone who has any inclination to rock in a band, always wanted to be in a well-known rock band. What comes with that is fame. Up until I was probably 30 years old, I wanted to be very famous. And I wanted to be known. After I started working with Ghost, I was definitely enjoying … . I wouldn’t say anonymity. I was never anonymous. But Ghost and the visual side of Ghost was definitely overshadowing anything that I was. Over the years of being in a well-known band without being a very well-known person myself, I actually started to prefer that over being a recognized person myself. Despite having wished for that before, there are definitely two sides of being recognized. When you dream about it, you only see the upsides. It’s only about the perks of fame.

I don’t feel in any way or form that my so called “coming out” was negative. It was just a weird thing having to deal with a higher level of recognition so far into your career. That was a little bit weird because it usually comes gradually.

For example, for seven years I never took photos of people. If you ever saw a photo of me, it was always a friend of mine that took a photo and I thought it would never be posted online. Or it was someone taking a photo of me without me knowing it. So all of a sudden, when I was out of the closet, you couldn’t really tell people any more that you wouldn’t take a photo with them. All of a sudden, you can’t say no to anyone.

That is something I suddenly had to adopt to because it was very easy earlier to say no, no, no, no. You know how it is. Now if I say no, someone could be very offended. Which is a little sad because I might be on my way into a car that is leaving in 10 seconds and we’re in a hurry. And there are 10 people by the car and you’re like, “I really don’t want to do this to you but … .” And I can’t even finish that sentence before the door is closed. And people get offended. I don’t want people to be offended and sad.

Fame is something that sort of came overnight. But it’s a good problem to have.

All content owned by River Cities Reader

[thebastardofgloucester]

Okay, so. Thoughts on the mess that was Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi.

- I can see why a lot of people had a big problem with Poe’s arc – mostly that it started him from such an obnoxious place that wasn’t entirely in keeping with his portrayal in Before the Awakening or the comics (honestly I think his character in TFA is sufficiently thin that it wasn’t really out of the realm of possibility). There’s also the component of the Angry Latino Man racist trope with his aggression towards Holdo and Leia. Leia slapping him was unnecessary. Leia stunning him so he flew back into a wall(?!) was really unnecessary, and combined with brutalization of the other characters of color was a Problem.

- But nonetheless I loved where it ended up. I did love Poe learning the brutal lessons of command, putting him in a place to be Leia’s successor as the leader of the Resistance. He is a hotshot pilot. Going from that to general, with all the need for long-term thinking that requires, is not an easy leap. So while I understand where people who hate it are coming from, I think that Poe’s journey to becoming Leia’s heir to the role of leader is the most compelling part of the film.

- God Luke was a mess. His grumpy old man act was funny but it hurt so much to see Luke, the beating heart of the OT, reduced to a bitter version of Obi-Wan, minus the hope of believing in the future. TFA and TLJ utterly broke Luke in a way that was just…too much. And god, he would never draw a weapon on his fucking nephew, no matter how scared he was. He might aggressively confront Ben, trying to get him to give Snoke up, go after the source, but killing his nephew out of fear? What? W H A T ?

- that said, that was the most meaty material Mark Hamill has ever been given and he fucking killed it, so props to him.

- What was Rey even doing through most of this movie. All the clarity and dynamism of her character was just sucked away and outside of some moments on Ahch-To she was either a prop in Kyle Ben’s narrative or a walking deus ex machina. She technically becomes the Last Jedi and turns her back on Ron but like…we didn’t see any of that? Does she even want to be a Jedi?

- look…I have been on the Rey Skywalker train forever. I am not happy with her being from unremarkable origins (assuming Kyle is telling the truth, and given that he is a manipulative abusive asshole he may not be) in part because it actually feeds the unfair idea that she’s somehow unrealistic (whatever that means in a space wizards franchise) or a Mary Sue character. She shows a level of skill, instinct, and power that has previously only been manifested by…Anakin Skywalker. That needs an explanation. Either she’s a Skywalker, or a vessel or champion of the Light Side of the Force, or some other shit, but there does need to be a reason. Luke and Anakin have a reason – they are Skywalkers, one Space Jesus and the other the son of Space Jesus.

- I have no idea what motivated Rey for so much of the film. Her quasi-Bespin going to Kyle thing was a fucking mess and required a lot of idiot balling. Rey is smarter than that. Rey saw Kyle murder his father – she would not just trust him enough to go alone. Basically Rian either did not get Rey as JJ Abrams made her or he didn’t care. Either one is utter bullshit. Some cool action sequences mean nothing without the character dynamics to back them up.

- God, Finn…Rian took the problematic aspects of Finn’s comic relief role from TFA and just…ran with them. I didn’t object to him trying to run off to find Rey – he has no real attachment to the Resistance. But his whole mission is just…pointless. There’s no follow up on his being a Stormtrooper who overcame his programming. We get some interesting stuff with Rose about his being a legend when he’s not comfortable in that role, and I kind of liked the way his self-sacrificing behavior was called out by Rose so he knew that besides Rey people actually cared about him, but…there were so many missed opportunities, and so many unnecessary injuries and physical jokes.

- I love Rose. I do. I don’t know that there was really a place for her in this story. Her ‘eat the rich’ working class background was cool, she’s a huge sweetheart, Kelly Marie Tran gave a great performance. Her romance with Finn was a rushed mess. A crush I can believe, fine. Love after like two days max? No. They didn’t earn that. Honestly if you are going to introduce your first significant woc you have to find more to do with her. It was nice that (unlike Leia and Luke) she got a chance to grieve her losses

- Kyle Ben’s eventually becoming the irredeemable supreme leader actually works pretty well, but how it got there…on the other hand…Kyle shows his true colors when he turns on Snoke…in order to take his place in the finest traditions of the Sith. He’s the full-fledged villain for episode IX. As it should be.

- What the fuck was Snoke. Why did the film bring him and Rey and Kylo together in an awkward and forced series of developments and then just cut him in half. We have no idea where he came from, his relationship to the Empire, his goals, his plan with Kyle and Rey and Luke…it’s just an enormous blank and we’ll never get an answer because Rian got bored and just decided to off him. It’s not like I care about him as a character, obviously. His death hardly upset me other than the fact that it was pretty bad writing.

- why the everliving fuck did we have to have YODA show up, basically to give a non-chalannt mea culpa and say ‘actually the Jedi were kind of shit.’ Like ANAKIN? Why the fuck would you not use the person the Order failed the most. Also Yoda looked fucking terrible I have no idea why they used a puppet AND CGI.

- On the plus side, Leia did a truly spectacular Force Thing (though that was some cheap shit by Rian spacing her like that). Then she was unconscious. She never got to mourn Han at all. She passed the torch to Poe, but I can’t help but be disappointed when so much was promised. Also…no one came to her aid? I know that in Bloodline her parentage being revealed ruins her reputation and strips her of her influence…but no one? What the fuck?

- DJ was just a useless character. Maybe they’ll be a payoff in episode ix, but he serves no purpose but to set up an inconsequential betrayal, unless you count Phasma dying (also a cheapening of her character as laid out in her novel) as a tremendously important moment. All the damage was done by Holto’s sacrifice. Finn and Rose and BB-8 were pretty incidental.

- the Porgs were stupid space puffins and despite myself I’m kind of fond of the stupid things. The crystal foxes were much cooler, of course.

- R2D2 and C3PO were props in this film. Chewbacca too.

- Luke…weirdly his facing his fears and sacrificing himself was one of the best parts of the mostly-okay third act? I liked the new, less flashy but still impressive Force power of projection, and he got some chance to say goodbye to Leia at least, and he got to lay down the law to Kyle Ron. But…he died alone. That’s not fucking okay. That’s a betrayal of Luke, the heart of the original trilogy. It’s just…wrong. And it’s sad and heartbreaking but not really in a satisfying way. And he never really passes the torch to Rey – he sacrifices himself to fix his fuck-up with Kyle. He deserved more than that. All the Skywalkers did.

- the space battles were pretty great, the whole tracking thing and the slow race was very Battlestar-y, even if the mechanics of the plot were a bit questionable.

- I need to read Leia Princess of Alderaan to get the backstory on Holdo. Her character was interesting (though we could have used more backstory or elaboration on how she became so respected a military leader) and her relationship with Leia was tantalising but there just wasn’t enough. Her heroic sacrifice was fucking awesome though. If she had to go out she picked a good way to do it.

- Billie Lourd got a character and lines and that was pretty great.

- Okay, minor nitpick that actually REALLY BOTHERED ME. Among the casualties in the opening battle appeared to be Temmin ‘Snap’ Wexley, one of the protagonists of the Aftermath books, and the son of the delightful Norra Wexley. Like, first, Mister Bones would fucking swim through space and stab Kyle Ben with his vibroknives because he is Norra’s motherly love incarnate in a psychotic droid. And second, Norra deserved better. She’s probably dead now and that is bullshit in itself.

- Or it might have been another bearded guy, in which case like Jessica Pava his absence bothered me. Like…where did these people go?

- blowing up the bridge to kill Ackbar et al was just cheap bullshit honestly

- the war profiteering and moral ambiguity was not elaborated enough to justify its inclusion, honestly. I’m not averse to that sort of moral ambiguity but you have to earn it to stick it into a Star Wars film. They didn’t. And again, DJ was just useless.

So, yeah, to review – this is not a movie I was ever going to like. I got almost nothing I wanted out of it, it fucked over the Skywalkers royally in a way that left me feeling bitter and betrayed, it misused or wasted Finn and Rose, Rey’s character was inconsistent at best with little to no on-screen development. The opening was strong. The second act was an epic dumpster fire, particularly everything with Kyle and Rey and Snoke and everything that led there. The third more or less pulled the majority of story threads out and left them in an interesting place for JJ Abrams in episode ix to maybe do some interesting things, but the path it took to get there had…problems.

Rian doesn’t love Star Wars like I love Star Wars, and he really doesn’t like the Skywalkers. I guess that’s what some people wanted – for an end to the Skywalker-centric narrative. Personally I think that is utterly missing the point of literally everything about this series, but whatever, people will disagree.

The writing was overall clumsy to outright bad, with bursts of inspired storytelling but mostly buried under Kyle apologism.

Corvus fairly points out that The Empire Strikes Back is not nearly as good as movie as it is without the events of Return of the Jedi, so to an extent it’s hard to fairly judge the film when you don’t know where it is in the overarching story. But equally this film had so many opportunities to develop the characters and build the world and it just. Did not.

As for a rating, it depends when you ask me. I’d rate it somewhere between a 5 and 6/10. Maybe a 4 in some aspects. It’s not Attack of the Clones bad, but it’s worse than Return of the Jedi, The Force Awakens, A New Hope, ESB…I mean, I liked Rogue One more. Frankly Revenge of the Sith was more emotionally satisfying, especially in the context of the Clone Wars series. I’m never really sure where to rate The Phantom Menace. This might be better. I’m not entirely sure, and that’s pretty damning,

I’m just…so disappointed and frustrated and have basically decided to treat the new canon post RotJ as more of alternate universe than anything else. Which is kind of sad, honestly.

tldr; Anakin Skywalker Did Not Die For This Shit

[ollie-oxen-free]

Fucking FanFiction.net, Man

Thanks to @crushingonsans for tagging me in this because hot damn if this wasn’t fun to do. mine aren’t as good, but whatever. there’s only so much a man can do :’c

Razz (SFS)

Fell (UFP)

Lust (ULS)

Pink (ULP)

Sans (UTS)

Error

Blue (USS)

Papyrus (UTP)

Stretch (USP)

Red (UFS)

Slim (SFP)

Ink

-(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) dumps (1) for (9). (1), brokenhearted, goes on one date with (11), has an unhappy breakup with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).

Razz and Blue are in a happy relationship until Blue dumps Razz for Stretch. Razz, brokenhearted, goes on one date with Slim, has an unhappy breakup with Ink, then follows the wise advice of Sans and finds true love with Lust.

I mean…… I don’t know man,,,,.,.,. I was excited for a split second with the rottenberry and then it fucked me over (although i do like razz/lust)

-If you wrote a Song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

(Papyrus)

he he

I’ve had this one for a while in all honesty.

-3 told you that she will soon be getting married to 2. What is your reaction?

(Lust, Fell) 

*looks at crush and fresh’s roommate bros rp* cool

-When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

(Sans) 

Hmm i mean,..,., idk man its hard to find a good fic with this character in it, he’s just so rare i mean.,.,

-6 kidnapped you, why is this?

(Error) 

Hey crush, we both got kidnapped by Error, high five! also it’s probably bc im very gay, ngl

-Does anyone on your friends list consider Three hot?

(Lust) 

I mean some people may be in denial about it but im pretty sure that everyone thinks that he’s hot lmfao

-If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what warning would it have?

(Razz, Error, Ink) 

In all honesty if i did it would be Razz getting kidnapped by Error for being a “glitch of a glitch” so maybe kidnapping? Though it would probably involve a lot of memes and bad humor too so maybe not too much bad? Mostly just Razz being annoyed that the supposed god-like beings of the mulitverse fight and argue like little children.

-6 is extremely pissed off about something, why is this? And what will you do?

(Error) 

He’s always angry so im not gonna ever grace this one with a response.

-Five/Nine or Five/Ten?

(Sans/Stretch or Sans/Red) 

the second, definitely the second one, im glad at least something in this fucking nightmare is normal, jesus shit

-You and 9 get trapped in an elevator together. What happens? And who are the other random people with you two?

(Stretch) 

I swear to god if i hear one more pun about elevators i will not hesitate to kill myself

-Would 2 and 6 make a good couple?

(Fell, Error) 

,,,,.,.,.,.,..,,.,.no.

-8 confessed to be a part of your family.

(Papyrus) 

welcome home, son

-4 and 5 are having an argument. Why is this?

(Pink, Sans)

“Stop teaching my bro how to make sexy spaghetti!”

“Well, it’s that or how to be successful in the royal harem. Which would you prefer?”

“I’m tired of finding condoms in my pasta, do whatever the hell you want.”

-Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

(Razz, Papyrus) 

i think i read a fic about it before once, but it was less fluff and more Paps calling Razz out for his shit or something of the like

-2 writes you a love song, plays it for you, and then kisses you on the cheek.

(Fell) 

you’re drunk, go home buddy

-What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve kissing?

(Blue, Fell, Ink) 

I mean i like to think that when Blue walks in on anyone kissing he immediately begins to critique their form and then rates their passion on a scale of one to ten, so take that as you will

-Do you think Four is hot?

(Pink) 

yes

-7 cooked you dinner.

(Blue) 

oh thank god, a night where i dont have to eat cold ravioli from a can or undercooked ramen god bless

-Suggest a title for Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic?

(Blue/Ink) 

The Colors We Show

-9 and 1 accidentally get hooked up on a dating website and are forced to go on a date together.

(Stretch, Razz) 

They both take one look at each other and then immediately run away, Razz going “to the bathroom” and Stretch jumping out of the nearest window. Blue and Slim are sitting in the bushes outside the restaurant and wondering just how their plan went this wrong.

-8 gets angry and starts cussing at 6 very loudly. 7 is watching it all and is interested…but why is this?

(Papyrus, Error, Blue) 

Papyrus is cussing. End of story.

-Do you recall any fics about 9?

(Stretch) 

*looks at the huge fucking pile about Stretch being a creepy fucker* yea, im aware of a few of them

-You are about to do something that will make you feel very embarrassed. Will 9 comfort you?

(Stretch) 

this bitch would encourage me to do it, honestly

-Does anyone on your friends list read 3?

(Lust) 

i mean, we all have our guilty pleasures. Read: of fucking course.

-Would anyone one of your friends list write about Two/Four/Five?

(Fell, Pink, Sans) 

i have never seen this and thinking about it gives me a headache. Maybe Galli would? They’re all about rarepairs (and they’re also really great too so go check them out)

-You’re lying on the beach peacefully, and then you turn your head to see 1, 2, and 9, by the water wearing speedos.

(Razz, Fell, Stretch) 

*discreetly pulls out my phone and takes a picture*

-It’s storming outside and 4 allowed you to stay with her at her place until it blows over. And your reaction to this kind gesture is?

(Lust) 

Put your dick back in your pants I’m walking home in this fucking tornado, bitch.

-Have you read a 6 / 11 fanfic before?

(Error, Slim) 

No, and i never want to

-5 wakes you up in the middle of the night.

(Sans) 

go the fuck to sleep you bitch, i hate you and your fucking off-kilter sleeping habits

-1 asks to talk to you privately. When you are both alone, he admits to you that he is gay.

(Razz) 

no.,..,.,? really.,..,, wow i,..,.,,., never would have,.,.,.,., guessed

-5 gave you a teddy bear.

(Sans) 

it has a sound box in it so that every time you squeeze it, the bear makes a fart noise. Thanks, sans

-You and 10 go out for a picnic. Everything is peaceful until 2 crashes it by showing up and inviting you to go hang out at a cafe. Would you go with 2 or stay with 10?

(Red, Fell) 

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,,,..,......i mean,,..,.,.,..,.,..,.,.,.dont make me answer this, im passing

-1 walked in on you while you were showering. What is your reaction?

(Razz) 

i mean i’d be cool bc this shit happens all the time with my housemates, but im honestly not sure how well Razz would react

-What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

(Ink, Papyrus) 

*megalovania playing in the distance* *paperjam quietly cursing bc “for fucks sake, not again, hope you dont abandon this kid too”*

-You catch 10 looking at questionable material on the internet.

(Red) 

*google search bar is open with the history being just the word “tiddy” 278 times*

-Make up a summary of a 3/10 fanfic.

(Lust/Red) 

“Red had picked him up off the street, one time, just looking for a night of fun. His Boss didn’t approve of his escapades, of course, but when you’re the center of a crime ring, not much you do is ever approved of. He’d become accustomed to seeing the scantily-clad skeleton walking the streets, a sultry gaze and ecto-body formed, letting himself be pulled and used in any way for a wad of cash. Maybe that was why he was so surprised to be walking past a flowershop one day and seeing the guy standing in the window, smelling a large bouquet. Cleaned up, not covered in various fluids of previous customers and dirt from when he was rejected and thrown against the ground, he looked really, really cute.

Fuck. Boss was gonna kill him.”

And now i want to write/read it. Great. I’m already swamped with shit so if anyone wants to pick this up then feel welcome

-All the listed characters get into a very epic and all-out battle. Who will be the last one standing?

*papyrus standing over eleven other unconscious bodies* “NYEH!”

-7 is having relationship problems, 4 tries to help him out but her advice isn’t helpful. Your thoughts about this predicament?

(Blue, Pink)

“I don’t think that I’m the best at making Sexy Spaghetti.”

“Then try making, erm, Tantalizing Tacos!”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea either.”

-Do any of your friends write or draw Eleven?

(Slim) 

I mean.,,., not really.,.,.,., my poor meme-ing son doesn’t get enough love, imo. There’s a few fics abt him, but not a lot where he’s extremely prominent.

[textales]

“Country Code 33.”

It was well below zero that early morning in December when I got the call.  “Go to a pay phone and call me back at this number,” he said. This way, we’d be able to talk for free instead of paying some ridiculously high long-distance charges. Even though AT&T had just broken up, spawning a surge of competition among American long-distance phone companies fighting for pennies from customers like me, this was an international call that would cost unknown dozens of dollars. I was a broke college student after all – plus I wouldn’t even know how to call someone in another country without specific instructions.   

“Can’t I call you later? It’s like five in the morning,” I whined.  He insisted we needed to do this right then, since he was at a pay phone in Paris and would be going out to dinner soon somewhere near the Eifel tower.  I conceded, and after bundling up with a scarf and winter parka I managed to drag my sleepy hungover ass the five blocks to the closest available payphone. It was across the street from Jesse Hall, a dormitory on campus at the University of Montana in Missoula.  We talked for a good 45 minutes or so until my boogers froze and I couldn’t take the cold anymore.  

Ross was the first person to introduce me to the concept of a “comfort zone,” and he was always challenging me to go just one notch beyond mine.  He loved doing stuff like this – and it was so efficient that in this one call he could stroke his ego by: waking me up in the middle-of-the-damn night, sending me to a payphone, and forcing me to go that one notch beyond my “comfort zone” while simultaneously and not-so-subtly bragging about being in France. 

Being bold and impressing people was so very Ross.  And clearly he made an impression on me with this phone call, since I’m still thinking about it over thirty years later.  Oh Ross, you fucker.

“Cruel to be Kind”

I first met Ross in 7th grade in the cafeteria of Paris Gibson Junior High School. He was carrying a lunch tray – the plastic kind with compartments to keep the Salisbury steak separate from the mashed potato mixture, served by old ladies with floppy upper arms.  He seemed a bit lost, looking for a space at the table – any table – that would take him.   There’d been a storm, and he was a wayward ship looking for the first available port. Somehow I could see the desperation in his eyes, so I moved over a couple inches to indicate that I was making way for his lost soul seeking refuge.  

Ross intimidated me.  He was stunningly pretty with deep blue eyes and Scandinavian skin that could tan in the dark.  His blond hair had shimmer and would glisten with the slightest hint of sunshine.  According to locker room folklore, he was very well endowed down under….extremely, actually – which is probably why the jocks left him alone: they secretly wanted to be like him.  And he was witty and articulate and came from a prominent family known by all the right people.  He was different enough to attract the attention of bullies, but thankfully they picked on lower-profile kids not likely to make a stink.    

He was mysterious and magical and loud and enticing.  I knew from the get-go that being around him would draw attention, but I wanted to live quietly and “under the radar” so I kept my distance for years.  I didn’t recognize I was gay at that young age in junior high – I was just a clueless teenager desperately wanting to hide.  But later in high school, as I started to question my sexuality, I feared there would be guilt by association with this social standout who, at six foot one, was also physically striking.  Ross was a big deal swimmer – an Olympic hopeful.  He spent one high school summer swimming in the same pool used by Greg Louganis.  Ross had lived in Southern California?!  How cool is that?   I hadn’t even been to Butte.

I was nervous when he cornered me once to inquire about my report card. He was envious because I got straight A’s that quarter and he didn’t.  What he didn’t know is how those straight A’s came at a high cost: I had walled-off myself emotionally from even my closest friends, and buried myself in the books to keep the toxic thoughts of homosexuality from overcoming my conscience.  At that moment at my locker, fearing just being seen talking to him might be as much as admitting I was gay, I blurted “I gotta get out of here,” and ran to my next class before the bell rang.  Whew, that was close.

I was always polite but standoffish – I didn’t dare let him get too close. Ross never gave up…every so often he would reach out…he just wanted a buddy to hang out with.  He had the purest of intentions – he was light. Even in broad daylight, I was dark.  

By our senior year I was lonely as fuck.  Sure, I seemed like I had my poop in a group. I was an aspiring DJ on the big country radio station and had lots of friends, but honestly I was a ship lost at sea, and I figured Ross was – pardon the pun – in the same boat. I spoke on the air in the middle of the night…a one-way transmission, constantly wondering if anyone was listening.  All the while, Ross was right there in front of my eyes in the flesh and for real and listening and communicating….why couldn’t I take what was given instead of constantly looking for something or someone else in the ionosphere?

“Let’s Hear it For the Boy”

I remember a Saturday in March of my senior year in high school when Ross and Dan Pugh showed up at seven in the morning to invite me for breakfast with the promise of flying kites afterwards.  “Kites?! That’s so nerdy and faggy, no thanks,” I thought to myself.  But Ross was insistent, and my father thought it was good for me to get out of the house. My parents had separated two weeks prior and my dad and I had just moved into a small rental house near the big trailer park – the fancy one with a swimming pool.  Ross was the first person to visit me in this new situation and I really didn’t have a choice in the matter – damn he was persuasive – we were going to 4Bs for breakfast and that was that.

Accepting his invitation for breakfast meant I would meet Ross at my emotional barrier – a wall erected to contain my homophobia. It was every bit as strong as cast iron, yet delicate enough to be cracked with the slightest tap of the right tool.  

Oh Ross was a tool alright.  We was funny and sarcastic and worldly and completely worthy of my awe and respect.  He was always bold, never ordinary.  I loved living vicariously through him, although there were times when I just wanted to duck and hide.  Like when we were buying a sundae on a Sunday at the new Dairy Queen on Tenth Avenue South.  

Ross: “Stormy…is that really your name?”

Stormy: “Yes, are you really that rude?”  

Wow.  That one cut like a knife and sterilized at the same time.  He found his match that day.  I wanted to melt.

After years of flirting and courtship I finally let my guard down. Fuck it.  We are graduating in a few months.  What do I have to lose?  This guy has been trying to be my friend forever – since Junior High for criminy sakes. He really is cool and beautiful and I’m done giving a damn about whatever people think.

“What’s Love Got to Do with It”

We spent every spare moment together in those few months before graduation.  There were many sleepovers at his house when we’d stay up late talking about music and dreams and numerology. He loved Eurythmics and Tears for Fears. We talked about architecture and our visions for what kind of homes we would have after making our respective first million each in the next couple years.  

I loved his house and staying there.  It was such an architectural jewel – uber-modern yet warm.  I was so impressed with his story about how the architect interviewed him and the rest of the family before it was designed and built.  I remember it had a commercial toilet in the guest bathroom…an odd thing to remember I suppose, but a distinctive detail that stuck in my mind. I also recall how his parents made their bed together - I was impressed by that, and it is a habit I continue with my partner to this day.  

The parent’s bedroom had no doors and no privacy as it was an open loft that floated above the living room. Having no privacy meant there would be no hocus-pocus or hanky-panky at our sleepovers.  Lead me not into temptation? 

Actually, there wasn’t much temptation….our relationship wasn’t the least bit sexual.  Hell, I’d buried my sexuality so far underground I was practically sexless.  I was never really attracted to Ross because I wouldn’t let myself be.   This was what today would be labeled a “Bromance,” and truth told, it’s a good thing we never had sex – I would have fallen in love with him and things would have gotten sappy and complicated. It was best we just kept this as “just friends.”

“Missing You”

Once the pomp and circumstance of graduation was over, we moved to our respective college towns and communication became spotty at best.  Oh sure, I’d get an occasional note or phone call and I would hear through mutual friends about how he was doing and where he’d been, but at times I felt like he was giving me the same cold shoulder I’d given him all those years. Was this payback for when I was trying to keep my distance?   I knew not put pressure on him nor to rely on him for maintaining our relationship…we were going in different directions and I got that.

To say he lived with flair and liked to brag about it was a bit of an understatement. He was always doing something glamorous and fabulous. Whether it was seeing the Olympics in Los Angeles or writing words in the sand on the beaches of Nevis in the Caribbean, Ross was a magical mythical traveling unicorn.   His travel stories were awesome. He made the best of everything and every experience was epic and incredible. Hell, he made Moscow, Idaho sound exotic.

It seemed so easy for him to travel.  He had been all over Europe. I worked. I was envious of his portability. He gave me shit about my boat anchor cars. He had freedom and a passport.  I had a job and a car payment. 

“Emotions”

There had been a years-long gap since we’d written or talked to each other. I heard from a mutual friend who said Ross had not only HIV but full blown AIDS. I was trying to remember the timing of it all so I dug up some old journals – here are some notes:  

2/6/85: Visit Ross in Moscow, ID

12/16/86:  Ross called from France.

10/1/87: Ross called from New York last night.  Seems a bit lost - it’s a big town. I love him and kinda wish we could do sex just once but know it would be disastrous.

8/28/88: Ross is in Glacier Park will be back in New York soon - he’s getting rather serious with some guy.

10/4/88: (Mutual friend) says Ross is thinking of me and that he came out to his parents and introduced his boyfriend to them. My God! I can’t wait to hear from him.

12/4/88: We talked for an hour and a half tonight - he did tell (his parents) he broke up with his boyfriend of one year, wants to move back on campus.

4/2/91: Ross has AIDS.

Oh my.  Reviewing that journal was a bit jarring….I guess I had suppressed a lot of memories from that time. Funny how the mind works.    

“The Promise of a New Day”

Around Labor Day of 1991 I was headed to Maui to work on a project for the Dr. Pepper Company. I had nothing to lose and time on my hands so I wrote a letter to Ross during the eight hour plane ride from DFW to Honolulu. I remember explaining how my roommate had been recently diagnosed with HIV and how I’d spent dozens of hours in lines at Parkland Hospital in Dallas, interpreting for Robert who was deaf and in a subsidized program to help fight his infection.  

I babbled on to Ross about how I missed our friendship that blossomed during the spring of our senior year and how I felt like he’d stopped communicating with me because he feared I couldn’t handle the truth.  In the last paragraph of that thirteen-page handwritten letter I finally got the guts to ask: “So, do you have AIDS?”

When I got back to town a week later there was a simple 4”x 6” white card waiting in my mailbox.  It had a New York postmark on one side, and on the other, in handwriting I immediately recognized, was just one word: “Yes.”    

Finally, the silence was broken.  

Next thing we’re on the phone and in two minutes caught up on three years. We no longer had the luxury of time…Ross was on the clock and we knew we needed to be efficient. We agreed he would escape from New York for a visit to see me in the Southwest…sometime soon.

“End of the Road”

The last time I saw Ross was around Thanksgiving of 1992.  As an expert traveler and one who knew how to do things on the cheap, he found a frequent flyer voucher for America West Airlines and caught a flight from New York to Phoenix. I met him at Sky Harbor – there he was looking like Mr. Clean with a shiny shaven head and carrying just a gym bag.  He didn’t look sick at all.  

He swam in my pool, met my boyfriend, and we talked about architecture and love and life, just like we did as high school kids in those months just before graduation.  But this time, we were brutally honest.  Even though we had all our clothes on, we were finally naked.

This trip was like a farewell tour. A mutual friend from Great Falls who had moved to Phoenix met us for lunch in Scottsdale. She brought a handsome young guy friend of hers who looked like a Greek god…he was tall and pretty enough to be a model, and he and Ross had an instant connection just like Margaret thought they would.  As I looked at these two new friends interacting I couldn’t help but feel a bit of validation. That’s the type of person Ross should be with - someone exotic, not a regular guy like me.  I knew my place and felt like I got verification that our status as “just friends” was just right.  Ross went back to New York and I said goodbye for the last time.

“I Will Always Love You”

We knew the timer was ticking.  And sure enough, in four months I got the call from a mutual friend who told me Ross had passed.  I was so grateful to have reconnected with him, and I wanted to pay my respects by attending one of the two services that would be held.  Since New York was a big unknown, I figured I would go to the funeral in our hometown.  There was one big problem: money.  Because I had just moved from Phoenix to San Francisco I was absolutely broke.

It was a sign from above when I got a commission payment weeks earlier than expected, and three days before the funeral I was able to fork-out over $1,500 for a last-minute flight from SFO to GTF on Delta Airlines.  I remember going to the ticket office in downtown San Francisco, and because the dollar amount was so huge I had to pay with a cashier’s check.  

I made the trek to Montana for the Great Falls funeral.  You couldn’t fit one more human in that church – hundreds of people were in the house to pay respects for this kid whose life was stolen at the young age of 26. Ross would have been impressed by the massive turnout.

He had a fascination with numbers and numerology. We talked about that in those late night chats.  

He died March 13th, 1993.  I’m not really sure if it happened at 3:33 in the morning, but it would be just like Ross to have timed it that way, for dramatic effect.   His favorite number was three. The international calling code for France is 33…well, that’s just a coincidence. Or is it?

I know one thing…. had I insisted on sleeping-in that windy morning on the third month of 1984 I would not have experienced what developed into a “best friendship” that ultimately changed my entire outlook on life.  Thanks, Ross. I miss you man.

#loveyouRoss

[yasbxxgie]

If even half the stories in Rick James's new autobiography, Glow, are true, then James led one of the most epic rock lives ever. The book, written with David Ritz, was finished posthumously (James died of a heart attack in 2004, at age 56) and is out this week, alongside a digital box set of his Complete Motown Albums.

James became one of the leading lights of funk in the late Seventies and early Eighties, but across the years, the singer was equally obsessed with sex and drugs. At one point in the book, he approvingly remembers the SUNY Buffalo English major he hooked up with for a while ("She had a PhD in blow jobs," according to James) who adapted a line of T.S. Eliot's poetry for him: "In the room the women come and go/Talking of Michelangelo" became "In the room the women come and go, looking to snort Rick James's blow." Ten other stories from the master of punk-funk:

1. O Canada James dodged the Vietnam War draft by heading across the Canadian border from his hometown of Buffalo, New York. But as soon as he got into Toronto, three drunk white guys tried to beat him up for going AWOL. "A trio of three other white guys saw what was happening and came running to my aid." Two of those three: Garth Hudson and Levon Helm, then playing backup for Ronnie Hawkins, later Bob Dylan collaborators in the Band. He also became friendly with Joni Mitchell (they would stay up all night listening to jazz), and she recommended Neil Young, who joined James in a band called the Mynah Birds. They got signed to Motown and were ready to release a single — but it got shelved when the U.S. armed forces caught up with James for going AWOL and threw him in the brig. 2. The Kind of Girls You Don't Take Home to Mother Some of the women James reported liaisons with: Linda Blair (The Exorcist), Elisabeth Shue (Leaving Las Vegas), Catherine Bach (The Dukes of Hazzard TV show), Ola Ray (the video for Michael Jackson's "Thriller"), Iman (the supermodel), Teena Marie (his protégée), Jan Gaye (the wife of his friend and mentor, Marvin Gaye). 3. Street Songs James scuffled on the periphery of the music business for many years before breaking through, watching friends become famous, making money however he could (including drug smuggling from India and Colombia) and periodically ending up in jail. How he remembered getting busted in Toronto on an old charge of breaking and entering a clothing boutique: "A few seconds ago, my life was perfect — the perfect bitch, the perfect financier, the perfect backup band, the perfect connections to the perfect music scene in L.A. Now perfection had turned to pure shit." 4. The First-Aid Kit of the Lizard King While staying at Stephen Stills' place circa 1966, James woke up to find a young guy sitting cross-legged on the floor, "stoned as a motherfucker," watching blood drip from his wrist, "saying things like 'Isn't the blood beautiful? Isn't that the deepest red you've ever seen?'" Alarmed, James woke up Stills, who said, "Oh, fuck, he's doing it again," and bandaged the young man up. Which is how Rick James met Jim Morrison. 5. Cocaine Is a Hell of a Drug James made his national TV debut on American Bandstand. He performed his singles "You and I" and "Mary Jane" and did a long interview with Dick Clark, who he remembers as "one of the nicest cats I'd ever met." The only problem: James had done so much blow backstage, his nose started running profusely. "I started sniffing and wiping myself until it had to be obvious to Dick and a million viewers what was really going on." 6. I'm Rick James, Bitch James nursed a grudge against George Clinton, who consumed his cocaine but didn't help him get a record deal, and Prince, who stole his thunder (and, James claims, his stage moves). Bringing Prince out on tour didn't go well: "My band was a bunch of friendly down-home brothas loved by everyone. His band was a bunch of snobs who never bothered to acknowledge my guys." Years later, what gave James the push to collaborate with Eddie Murphy was that the comedian had gone in the studio with Prince but felt uncomfortable around him. "There wasn't anything I'd rather have done than write a hit for Eddie — and stick it in Prince's ear," James said. 7. The creation of "Super Freak" It was about three in the morning. We had just put the horn parts on "Give It to Me Baby" when I was sitting in front of the console with my bass. I wasn't trying to write. I was just noodling. This bass line came out of nowhere. Four descending notes. Nothing particularly striking. It was cheesy, but it was also catchy. I couldn't stop playing it. At the same time, I started singing, "She's a very kinky girl…" I was about to stop — the whole thing sounded a little dumb — when one of my cats said, "Cut it, Rick."    "You crazy?" I asked.    "No man, it's cool. It's hypnotic."    I kept playing the riff and realized that it was hypnotic. Right then and there I had the engineer hook up a mic and started singing the story as it came to me — this story of a super freak. I never wrote down a word. Made it up on the spot. 8. The Persistence of Memory James went to a dinner party in Hawaii where one of the other guests was Salvador Dali, who kept staring at him — and finally said, "Senor, I am mad about the way you look. Please allow me to sketch you." Dali spent 15 or 20 minutes drawing a portrait of James on his napkin — and then gave James the napkin. It could have been a priceless memento, except the next morning James smoked a joint and went for a swim in the shorts he had been wearing the night before, forgetting that it still held the napkin. The portrait became an inky blob. 9. Back in the Saddle Steven Tyler of Aerosmith became James's recovery buddy during various stays in rehab — he would even jump on James's back for piggy-back rides. "He's the one cat who can outtalk me and actually makes those meetings fun," James said. "Half of what he says is bullshit, but his bullshit is so brilliant I don't care if it's true or not." 10. Rick James's Inferno In his later years, James was constantly battling his addiction to freebase cocaine, and usually losing. After his mother died, he reported, "there was nothing to keep me from descending into the lowest level of hell. That meant orgies. That meant sado-masochism. That even meant bestiality." No details provided (or honestly, wanted). [x]

[tune-collective]

Rising Artist Allan Rayman Discusses His Rule-Breaking Artistic Vision & More in First-Ever Interview: Exclusive

Rising Artist Allan Rayman Discusses His Rule-Breaking Artistic Vision & More in First-Ever Interview: Exclusive

Rayman and Ben Lovett, who signed the artist to Communion Records, reveal the many layers behind his mystique.

In the dimly lit and intimate basement of New York’s co-working space NeueHouse, Allan Rayman sits with a hat pulled over his face. He’s performing songs off his new album, Roadhouse 01, out Friday (Feb. 24) and has the small crowd entirely captivated. Rayman is a walking juxtaposition — his raspy voice and eerily enticing lyrics demand a listener’s attention, while he himself prefers to keep his head down and let the music speak for itself.

Little is known of the rising genre-melting artist, who fuses R&B swagger with hip-hop grit all while spinning compelling stories much like a country artist can — and the mystique is intentional. The 20-something Toronto native signed with Communion Records in November of 2016 (the label co-founded by Mumford and Sons drummer Ben Lovett) having only released one album, Hotel Allan.

Roadhouse 01 marks Rayman’s sophomore project, and it’s a deep, dark concept album that sees the singer explore an alter ego: Mr. Roadhouse. Days ahead of the album’s release, Rayman granted Billboard his first-ever interview, in which he and Lovett jointly discussed the new album, his rule-breaking artistic vision, the counter-cultural draw of his music and much more.

Ben, how did you first discover and meet Allan?

Ben Lovett: I came back from a tour a year or so ago and walked into the Brooklyn Communion office — there was music blaring out and the whole office was vibing. They were dancing around, singing along, and I felt like I had just been completely left out of the party and that was quite rare. If that’s happening normally it’s some classic hit, but it was something I had never heard before. It was Allan Rayman, obviously. I immediately got infected with the bug, went into my office, sat down and listened to what was Hotel Allan front and back and was completely blown away.

What was the first meeting between the two of you like?

Allan Rayman: It was intimidating, but right away we found out that we had more in common than we knew and it got on pretty easily. I felt comfortable. You know, you hear horror stories about labels and label execs, but meeting a real artist and someone who sees it from the same perspective was reassuring.

BL: We were sitting on the 20-something floor of this glass building in West Hollywood; it felt like a scene out of some weird movie. It’s a pretty cool place to meet someone for the first time and essentially talk about a vision, which is really what those early meetings were about, trying to understand the why and what [this project] will look like in the next few years.

AR: Definitely sharing viewpoints and telling the story and direction I wanted to take it in. I could see the general intrigue was there, and that feels really cool when someone of his caliber is behind it.

Like you said, Ben, you two discussed the why behind Allan and his music. So, Allan, what is that why? Why do you do this and what inspires your music?

AR: [At first] I was making music on the side; I was working construction.

When did you start making music?

AR: I’ve been making music my whole life, very, very young. The Allan Rayman story that has been drawn up is about two years old now, it was really just for me. I pinch myself all the time because I never intended to be here. It’s surreal. Now it’s about not losing my head in all this epic stuff.

BL: You also had the encouragement of a group of people that formed in and around Toronto.

AR: [I have a] great group of friends and a great team behind me who pushed me to do this on a professional, it’s crazy to even call it that, on a serious level. My closest friends would be the ones to tell me if it was shit but they said, “Dude, I like this and he likes it and she likes it… let’s push it, let’s try to do something with it.” I agreed to that and buckled up and got ready for whatever was going to happen. I trust my team, I trust the people around me and that’s really it. At the end of the day, I’m surrounded by some really good people who keep me sane and humble and push me to do more, to keep pushing the boundaries and take the risk.

Ben, what would you say sets Allan apart?

BL: We’ve worked with a ton of artists over the years — last year was the 10th anniversary of Communion as a music company — but we’ve never worked with anyone who has had such a clear vision for how they want their music to sound and how they want their whole identity to be portrayed and that was refreshing. Sometimes we’ll meet people who really do just write songs for the sake of writing songs, and that’s great and there’s a beauty to that, but it goes so much further with Allan. It’s more that the music is a soundtrack to a world in which he’s created, and that’s pretty unique; When we first met it felt like a breath of fresh air.

Sonically, who would you compare him to?

BL: There are touches of soul and R&B to the melodies that are juxtaposed to some of the rap influences — it’s a hybrid of lots of influences. It makes as much sense [to play his music] in the club of a big city as it does in the truck on a highway between two small towns in the middle of nowhere. It can almost be it’s own genre — as things develop and more and more people get to hear his music I’m sure a genre will be built around him. Right now, Spotify can’t define it and it’s almost like the windows into Allan’s music are anything from hip-hop, to R&B…

AR: They throw it on all sorts of playlists, it’s nuts. Country one day. It could go that way, certain songs specifically.

BL: It’s country in the sense that [the music tells] slightly weathered true stories.

So for the sophomore album, what was the journey and creation process like?

AR: We’ve had this album thought out as we were making Hotel and same with Roadhouse 02 — we know where it’s going. This whole storyline is here and now I just release these albums in whatever kind of order I want to fulfill that. I know I had to stick to the development of these characters that I’m portraying throughout the story and show that there’s an evolution of Allan, especially with Mr. Roadhouse, this alter ego that I’ve created. Whoever has been listening, it’s giving them more to sink their teeth into, but for newer people, I want to show this torment between someone who’s trying to balance personal desires in life — even though you want to give all your time to your profession you’ve got to give yourself to the people that love you as well. It’s balancing that, and ultimately Allan can’t do that. He creates Mr. Roadhouse to kind of justify his selfish and dickish behavior in a sense — put it all on him. It’s a dark story and I don’t know if the ending is going to be dark or light yet, I haven’t figured that out. But I want people to be concerned about this guy, because it’s a heavy thing to fully invest yourself in your passion.

Do you have moments where you get consumed in your alter ego, and what’s it like to come out of that?

AR: On the road, yeah, you get caught up in it. Touring is a weird thing — it’s not a normal thing people should be doing where it’s just like, “Me, me, me” for a month, it’s not really right. But having this alter ego feeds that beast and feeds that story and helps the songs, but it’s very strange coming home and switching it off a little bit.

BL: The day you change your name to Allan Roadhouse I think you’ll be getting some concerned phone calls.

AR: Yeah, my mother for sure. She’ll keep telling me, “Don’t become the man that you speak about,” but it’s a balance, right? I’m balancing it, but in the story it is very much a story. There’s truth to it, but it’s a story at the same time, so I’m not going to lose myself… knock on wood.

Are there any songs that you’re particularly close to?

AR: “Shelby Moves.” It explains why I haven’t been doing many interviews and haven’t been all over social media; at the end of the day, I think fans build up these crazy ideas of celebrities or musicians or the people they’re listening to and watching and I think there’s a really dark undertone to that fandom and celebrity-ness. So “Shelby Moves,” I think, explains that at the end of the day. I’m a pretty average dude with a pretty boring story, but I can write some songs and I’m very creative — but I’m not going to wow you with my background. I often, especially recently when I’m at home, am wondering, “Why is this becoming so successful?” Because at the end of the day, I would say I’m just a regular dude, so why me? I still haven’t really figured it out.

Well, the music speaks for itself.

AR: Yeah, and that’s what I hope. Just listen to the songs and if you like them, great, if you don’t, I do. 

BL: Maybe you could also talk about the process of making the tracks and how it goes down in the studio?

AR: I love music, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not an artist that devotes all of his time and attention to writing songs. I don’t sit at a piano in a room and write songs like that, it’s very sporadic. I’ll get a creative burst and it will be like, “All right, let’s go,” and that will be maybe a week top and then I go back to chilling. I never force the music, but what I do love about what music has provided me with is the opportunity to create all sorts of stuff around the music: the films, the merch, the shows, the experience. That’s where I want to sink my teeth into. The music comes naturally. Some force that stuff, but I never worry about it and it’s working out. I worry about so many other things that I wish I could have the same mindset I do with music, but I love creating this world and these characters. I’m a huge film addict — most of my inspiration for my music comes from films. But [I’m always thinking], “How can you do things that aren’t being done?” And that’s what I love so much. What I’m finding out about myself and my creativity is that I want to push boundaries and walk that tightrope and take the risk — be different. At the end of the day, it can go to the moon and that’s great, or it can stop here and that’s fine for me too. I’m not trying to force anything on anyone, I’m not trying to be anything I’m not, let’s just roll with it. Keep your head down, keep moving forward, and if you give me the opportunity to create, I’m going to do it.

You’ve definitely had that opportunity. Ben, same question to you, is there a specific song off the album that resonates with you?

BL: When I first had the chance to hear the whole album back, my initial reaction was that it felt more daring than Hotel Allan — there are a couple examples of that progression. I think on “Repeat” and “25.22” it’s starting to become clearer that the artistry is being chiseled and defined more. In terms of day to day personal favorites they kind of rotate, as any good album does, and it’s not like this is a body of work underpinned by a couple of lead singles, it’s a narrative and it’s a concept where there are different songs for different moods and they each have their own identities and that’s connected to this idea of developing the characters, like mini soundtracks around a mood or specific people.

AR: I didn’t want to have a favorite song off the album, but more of a favorite part of a song. It’s always taking what you think is the proper formula or structure of how a song should be and throwing all that out the window and maybe even writing a song and having a hook just come in at the end once and then people will be like, “This is sick,” and they go to the end to listen to that. Making it very messy and weird and always asking, “How can you screw it up and start from scratch?” At the end of the day, it’s music and it’s subjective; there’s no real formula to tell you how to be an artist.

BL: And that’s what is so unique about it. Nowadays you have a lot of different writers sticking within some sort of structure, whereas what Allan is doing no one else could do. It’s not like someone could go and write an Allan Rayman song because there isn’t a defined roadmap to what that means, and that’s what’s exciting about it. I think it’s fine that there are recording artists out there singing songs created in hit factories in Nashville, but that’s a totally different kind of artistry to what’s going on here.

That’s probably fun for you.

BL: Yeah, it is.

AR: I try to keep him on his toes.

BL: Both as an artist putting stuff out and running a label putting stuff out, this is a completely fresh challenge. It’s not like we can just open up the rule book, we have to come up with a new way of doing it.

Going back to the album, what do you hope listeners take away from this body of work? 

AR: Business-wise I hope they like. If they do it’s great, but it’s really for me. I’m just trying to do what I set out to do.

BL: There’s something about anxiety though, right? That you wanted the empathy from the listener and their understanding, because you’re laying down a vibe with the songs in the live performances as well, which is a huge part of this that we haven’t talked about, but to actually translate something so that people feel that way, whether it’s concern about Mr. Roadhouse or…

AR: Well I’m definitely trying to make them feel something, and I do talk a lot about how it’s not for people it’s for myself, but at the end of the day I’m aware that a lot of people do listen to my music — or, some people — and I don’t want to use the wrong word here, but I want people to feel something close to discomfort, something that gets them feeling like they didn’t know they felt that way, especially in live settings, and mess with people’s heads a little bit. [My performances are] an evolution. I started off by not really addressing the audience at all. I just like to strip it down and make it so raw and show I’m just a regular dude singing my heart out. That’s what I want to portray on stage. Everyone’s afraid to show true feelings so I think if you can be raw and real and truthful, people are going to feel that and tell people about that truth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut8QmhLRW4k

That discomfort with the truth could stem from the fact that listeners find they resonate with Mr. Roadhouse, and they might not realize or like that about themselves.

AR: Right, that’s the thing. All of a sudden you’re cheering for the villain, and I find that suspension of disbelief helps a lot with the stuff that we’re making here.

BL: It’s pretty raw subject material, so even though it touches on elements of hip-hop, it does it in more of an old-school way. It’s more about the struggles of growing pains and love and loss, and stuff that other people don’t know how to deal with. There are a lot of people who are emotionally, not numb, but I think people sometimes struggle and that’s why they turn to music and film and the arts to help unlock that, and when they hear something articulated in a certain way it helps give them the comfort or release that makes them feel not so alone. Even if that is in hearing someone’s distress, sometimes a sad or an angry song can give someone as much hope and sense of purpose as a love song or a happy song.

AR: Counterculture is a good way of putting it, there’s a big sense of cool in the scene today and if you don’t fit in you can feel very isolated and alone and the majority of people don’t fit in. It’s just like high school all over again, really — which for me, I wasn’t a cool kid in high school, so it’s taking that angst and building on that. It was personal at the end of the day and I didn’t think that people would tie to it and feel like [the music] is talking directly to [them]. I didn’t know we were capable of doing that.

BL: I think you can make people feel better and that’s what you’re seeing in the response. That’s almost why people go out to the shows, people are turning up because they have that connection and they do feel like you’re talking to them and sometimes by talking to yourself you’re talking to other people. That’s what I think good music does in any genre.

Looking ahead, what are some of your goals and plans for 2017?

AR:I don’t think I’ve ever had a goal, really. Just keep doing what we’re doing and building the story, working on the next album and mapping out what we want to do: videos, shows, pop-ups — an experience. Just continue being creative and keeping busy.

BL: It’s going to be a really busy year. I’m doing a lot of writing on my own behalf and I’m excited about working with Allan on his emergence and having that discovery year, which I think this is going to be. Last year a lot of people were stumbling upon [him] and it was very organic and this year is about letting people know what’s going on, which I think is going to be very fun. I’m always the guy sitting at a party who’s asked to do the playlist, because people know that I’ll probably have a fairly encyclopedic knowledge of what’s coming out, and every single time, without fail, when I play an Allan song amongst 20 other songs the room asks, “What’s this?” So it’s really fun to be involved in that, and I’m really excited to hear about what Allan’s got cooking for this next album that we’ll be working on over the next year and throw in my two cents where it’s wanted and hopefully, more people will want to hear him than ever before.

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/02/24/rising-artist-allan-rayman-discusses-his-rule-breaking-artistic-vision-more-in-first-ever-interview-exclusive/