#also just in case it’s not clear this is me making it up it’s for humor

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

[since everything under a Read More cut gets deleted in case a blog deletes/gets deleted and the WayBackMachine isn’t good with pictures, for Archive Purposes Only, I will add the most important bits of the/rest of the full post and have also checked/updated/added the source links to the best of my abilities]

"July - August 2010

I’ll give a brief overview of the July - August timeline to set the stage. Some of these are ballpark estimates.

July 18: Day 1 of Boot Camp

July 22: Boot Camp Judgement Day/1D Is formed

Late July: First band meeting they talked about in the movie

Mid August: 2 weeks at Harry’s dad’s bungalow

End of August: Judge’s Houses

28: Liam tweets “Things are getting very interesting.” (tweet) 

28: Liam tweets “I’m leaving on a jet plane! Nice choice of song. X” (tweet) 

31: Stan posts to facebook “OH GOD TENSE TIMES!!!!!!!” [link not working, Stan has set the post to private] 

Harry created his twitter on August 22 but did not tweet much until September. Louis was tweeting a lot, but not to Harry or any of the guys until September. Part of this was probably due to NDA’s (nondisclosure agreements)they had to sign promising not to disclose any results from episodes that had not aired yet. So a lot of group chatter about rehearsals and getting together was likely prohibited.

Original 1D Twitter Account

Before the first live show, all articles and twitter accounts created by fans called the guys “1 Direction” and not “One Direction.” On September 27th, Louis tweeted one of the first fan accounts: "@1DirectionXF is not the official twitter , we do have an official twitter but havent started promoting it yet .“ That got me curious about whether @onedirection was the first Twitter account.

It was not as that account was created on October 29, 2010. 

So I started playing around with user names, seeing if I could guess what it was. I combined "1direction” and onedirectionmusic from the original Youtube account and voila. 

Let’s all follow it and see if anyone notices.

(Hilariously, Jay tweeted “I love ‘One Directin!’” on the night of the 26th, while Hannah confirmed to fans on the night of the 27th that it was “1Direction.”)

Liam: Liam was an interesting character before the live shows started. Most know that he had already tried out for X Factor in previous years, including even making it as far as Judge’s Houses, before he was ultimately rejected. He had a small fanbase built in from that and communicated with them via Twitter, Facebook and a website.

Liam spent most of the time leading up to Boot Camp talking to fans and all of his time after boot camp talking to fans via Twitter, especially encouraging people to buy his wrist bands which he sold via his website. He did not tweet much about the show itself or any of the guys, despite the fact that they tweeted him on several occasions. Liam either took the NDA much more seriously than the others or he just wanted to appear solo as long as possible. 

Because he had tried out before and was so obviously loved by the judge’s in his tryout in 2010, Liam was dubbed the X Factor favorite in 2010 before the live shows began airing. This included numerous articles about his odds (link 1 | [link 2 source no longer available] and he was even linked publicly to Cher Lloyd as early as September 8th [link source no longer available]. This is interesting and telling because as the dynamics shifted and Harry became the clear favorite, the PR narrative involving Cher was dumped in his lap (which he, Anne and Gemma all denied). 

In the movie, Louis and Liam talked about how, in the beginning, they didn’t get along because Liam took things too seriously and Louis was too care free. And based on Liam’s Twitter alone it is pretty apparent how intensely focused Liam was on winning the X Factor from the beginning. It doesn’t surprise me at all that these two personalities clashed like they did. But it’s neat to see how close they are now. 

Niall Not much to say here other than Niall is awesome and hasn’t changed at all and I love him. He tweeted Harry and Louis (and Zayn once) in September. He seemed to be completely ignoring the NDA while the others carefully danced around it. 

Zayn Zayn spent a lot of his time inviting fans to come chat to him via his Facebook page. He talked a little about his religion and the fact that he is mixed race. But he tended to keep stuff off Twitter (surprise lol). 

Harry and Louis Yes, they are a unit so they are grouped together. They actually didn’t tweet each other at all until September 27th, 2010. But we know they were talking via phone because it’s been mentioned they were the two who planned the bungalow and also, Niall’s infamous tweet to Louis from September 13: [tweet]

We all know Harry tweeted the lyrics to “Hannah” by Ray LaMontagne on September 13th around 5:30 PM [UK time], which is pretty awesome. [tweet]

And of course, the tweet from Niall (above) was a little less than 4 hours later.

But the night before that, he also tweeted song lyrics. To “For the First Time” by the Script. BY THE SCRIPT. “FOR THE FIRST TIME” BY THE SCRIPT. I just think that’s really cute and The Script makes me emotional, ok? [tweet]

On the 18th around 3:30 PM [UK time], Harry also posted some song lyrics: “Dancing in the Moonlight" by Thin Lizzy. [tweet]

And just 3 hours later, Louis tweeted "I love Hannah.” [tweet] These two aren’t necessarily related, but interesting to note.

X Factor House From what I can tell, it is most likely that they moved into the X Factor house on Monday the 20th. Liam and Stan both mentioned going to London that day (here [Stan has set the post to private] and here) and everyone stopped tweeting so much, probably busy filming promo for the show and getting settled and rehearsals. 

Jay took this picture and tweeted it to one of the first fan accounts on the 24th, which appears to be the boys in London:

Move in day probably being the 20th makes the tweets on the 27th interesting. The boot camp results show was aired the night of the 26th, meaning the world knew Louis, Harry, Niall, Zayn and Liam were in a group together and going to Judge’s Houses. So 12 hours after the cat is out of the bag, Louis and Harry tweet each other and talk about how happy they are to be together and how happy they make each other. DO YOU SEE WHY THIS MAKES ME EMOTIONAL? None of the other boys did this. 

[tweet]

[tweet]

[tweet]

[tweet]

[tweet]

[tweet]

September 2010:

5: Stan posts on Facebook “Free hot pizza cos Louis is famous!!!” [link not working, Stan has set the post to private]

5: Metro posts article “Liam Payne Second Favorite” to win the X Factor [no link was inserted, replacement source could not be found]

8: MTV UK posts an article saying Liam and Cher Lloyd hooked up at boot camp (lolololol) and Liam denies via twitter [link to source no longer available]

9: Harry posts song lyrics: "When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, cause you’re amazing…just the way you are :)“ [tweet]

11: Express and Star posts article saying Liam is 6:1 favorite to win the X Factor (source)

12: Niall tweets Louis "ari buddie..giv me a ring..” (tweet)

12: [Harry tweets:]"Ooh These times are hard,and they’re making us crazy..Don’t give up on me Baby .xx" (tweet) 

13: Louis tweets Niall “@niallofficial iPhone!!!!” - He was trying to sell his Android at the time, so I think this means he bought an iPhone. (tweet)

13: Harry tweets at 5:30 PM “I lost all my Vanity, When I peered into the Pool..I lost all my Innocence,when I feel lin love with you .xx” This is a song called “Hannah” by Ray LaMontagne. (tweet)

13: Niall tweets Louis about 3 hours later at 9 PM "@louis_tomlinson louis ring me.. Harry told me something tday that u told him.. TALK T ME" (tweet)

18: Harry tweets at 3:30 PM [UK time] “Well I passed you in the doorway,and you took me with a glance..i should have got the last bus home, but I asked you for a dance ;) .xx”. This is a song called “Dancing in the Moonlight by Thin Lizzy. (tweet)

18: At 6:30 PM [UK time], Louis tweets "I love Hannah.” (tweet)

19: Stan posts on Facebook “London tomorrow to meet some celebs.” [link not working, Stan has set the post to private]

20: Liam tweets “Down in London. Can’t tweet too much but thanks for your ongoing support. X” (tweet) 

24: Jay tweets one of the first fan accounts at about 7:45 PM [UK time] a picture of the boys together in London (twitpic)

26: Jay tweets “Go 'One Direction!’” (tweet)

27: Louis tweets at 11:30 AM [UK time]  “@1DirectionXF is not the official twitter , we do have an official twitter but havent started promoting it yet .” (tweet)

27: Louis tweets at noon  “@_whytheface I’m sat next to him right now ! X” responding to a fan asking Louis how to get Harry to follow her…Louis doesn’t answer the question. Just announces he’s with Harry. (tweet)

27: Louis immediately tweets again  “Is sat with @harry_styles happy days :)” – LOUIS’ FIRST TWEET TO HARRY (tweet) 

27: Louis starts answering tweets in terms of “we.” “@SophiexNicholls We are both great thanks :) how are you ?x” (tweet) 

27: Louis announces again he’s with Harry at 12:10 PM.  “I’m bacckk :) with @Harry_styles again :)” (tweet) 

27: At 12:30 PM, Louis tweets.  “@xPeaceLoveJonas Me and @Harry_Styles loves your support ! ” (tweet) 

27: At 12:43 PM, Louis tweets.  “@meeeshell_x we’re great thank you how are you ? X” (tweet) 

27: Stan tweets Louis jokingly asking  “@louis_tomlinson so are you pleased to have Simon as your mentor? Bet judge’s houses is gonna be great.. When do you go?” (tweet) 

27: At 12:49 PM, Harry tweets.  “Is laughing so bad with @ Louis_Tomlinson :) .xx” HARRY’S FIRST TWEET TO LOUIS (tweet) 

27: At 1:06 PM, Louis tweets their first twitcam.  "http://twitcam.com/26a4v - Enjoy guys me and harry :)“ (tweet) 

27: At 1:16 PM, Jay tweets Louis about the twitcam.  "You guys are good x” (tweet) 

27: Fittingly, Harry tweets around 1:30 PM in response to whether he has a girlfriend “@SBKavanagh erm..no I don’t :P .x” (tweet) 

27: At 6PM, Hannah tweets a fan and says the group name is “1Direction” [Hannah's twitter account is gone, so the tweet is unavailable]

Harry and Louis Recap:

July 18: They notice each other in the stairwell.

July 21: They meet in the bathroom at X-Factor.

[Louis is also wearing a t-shirt with a BUTTERFLY and a BEE AAAA]

July 22: They get put into a group together.

Late August (5 weeks after boot camp): Judge’s Houses

September 13 (about 7 weeks since boot camp): Harry tells Niall Louis told him something and it sounds like a big deal. [tweet]

Late September (About 8 - 10 weeks after boot camp): If we take Harry’s comment a year later literally:

So there you have it. Fairy tale rom-com levels of teenage love affair."

September 2010: Let's talk about it.

September 2010 is a lovely, ambiguous time. The boys had all met at boot camp, been put into a group, spent 2 weeks at the bungalow and then went to judge’s houses where they were put through to the live shows.

Fame was knocking at the front door.

But Harry was still working shifts at the bakery. And they were still tweeting their plans to each other and trying to sell cell phones via Twitter (Louis, what even). 

They were asked about this time period (sort of) in a radio interview they did in New Zealand recently and it made me a little more curious about what we can learn about that time period from tweets. 

This is a little more incomplete than my bigger timelines (linked in the sidebar on my blog). There obviously wasn’t as much press, tweets and fan tweets and pictures to go on. But I think I dug up some moderately cool stuff.

Before we begin, all my love and gratitude to genderblinditem who has painstakingly been cataloging old tweets and has been awesome enough to share with me. Go follow her. She’s great and has smart things to say, so it’s a win-win.

(With my theme, the read more isn’t showing up. So if you are viewing this on my blog, please click the date stamp at the top of the post to view it in it’s entirety).

Onward!

Keep reading

[pboogerswbb]

TOO LOST IN YOU - pt II

Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc (Valerie) (i know first part is x reader... i'm sorry for changing to an oc but it makes more sense in a multipart series)

playlist, part I

DISCLAIMER!: this is fanfiction (note the word FICTION), this is not a true depiction of what i think paige is like, this is purely fiction for entertainment purposes

Warnings: toxic!paige, language, some sexual thoughts but no smut in this one (sorry guys), paige is an asshole fr

Wordcount: 4.9k (sorry)

A/N: i got so much love and so many people asking for more after the first part <3 ty all i'm so grateful! this will likely be around 7 parts so please buckle up lol. ALSO I'M SORRY FOR NO SMUT but let me cook guys it'll get good. the point of this part is to get inside paige's head and understand why she is the way she is, things will speed up in the next part i swear. OK GO READ ILYSM MWAH

-

It’s hard being Paige Bueckers. Not every 23-year-old had to deal with the kind of pressure I did. Most of the time it felt like the whole world was watching me, waiting for me to fail. It used to bother the shit out of me but after all the injuries, everything I’ve been through, I thrived on it. I knew I would prove them wrong - prove that I’m great, that I’m me. Just like my dad would tell me, over and over again. I knew I was great, so greatness was expected. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t come with a great deal of pressure. I always said pressure is a privilege. But sometimes when I lay in bed alone after a game, even a win, the pressure consumed me. I didn’t like to be alone. So I went around different girls’ beds, like they meant nothing. Because they didn’t - they were just a distraction from my own mind. Like I said, it’s hard being Paige Bueckers - hard being me.

“You okay babe?”

I’m shaken out of my thoughts, returning back to earth, back to the small bed I was lying in. The brunette next to me nuzzles her nose into my arm, watching me with that look I knew too well. Like she wanted something from me. I hated when girls looked at me like that.

I clear my throat, trying not to flinch as she wraps her arm around me. “Yeah Zoe, ‘m fine,” I murmur, letting her press herself to my side, her body sticky from our prior activities. Zoe was a cuddler, so she was usually last on my roster. It’s hard to plan your escape when a girl clings to you like a koala and worst of all, wants to sleep like that all night. I never got that, cuddling while sleeping. It gets hot, sweaty and cramped, I find it hard to believe anyone actually enjoys it. People just think they do because they’re in love or something. And I can’t afford to be in love. I had a natty to win.

Zoe’s slender finger brushes through my blonde hair and I can feel that claustrophobic, uncomfortable tightness inside me. Like I had to get out. Her dorm was dim and the air was heavy and slightly humid from the second round I had insisted on. The sheets stuck to my skin uncomfortably and her bed made this annoying sound everytime I moved or even breathed.

I turn my gaze to Zoe who’s looking at me, all googly eyed. Oh God. She smiles wide and presses a kiss to my cheek. The scent of her shampoo lingers in the air, the smell of banana and some kind of citrus. I had never liked banana scented things.

“Uh, anyway that was fun,” I mumble, and sit up on the bed, forcing her off me as gently as I could. “But I got practice early,” I add, reaching for my t-shirt and throwing it on.

I don’t notice the offended look on Zoe’s face. I grab my phone from the floor, checking my texts urgently.

Yo you tryna do a lil sum tonight?

I know ur not workin sooo we could have a lil fun like we did the other day

Valerie?

I sigh, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten as I stare at the read receipt underneath the texts. I tap on the back of my phone case impatiently, wondering if sending a fourth text would make me pathetic. Maybe I should just call her? Nah, I must be trippin.

Since I met her at Ted’s, Valerie was the first I called when being in my bed alone was tearing up my mind. But it didn’t mean anything, she was good in bed, good at making me forget who I was when I needed to. Also, I liked how she smelled, like coconut. And when she tangled her legs with mine I didn’t shutter or pull away. Sometimes I even wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me. Not because I needed her. But because her body felt good against mine.

“Aw baby really?” Zoe whines in an overtly soft voice, wrapping the blanket around her as she scoots up on the bed. Her plump bottom lip, swollen from the rough kissing earlier turns into a pout. I quickly avoid her gaze, my eyes landing right onto the floor looking for my pants. “I wanted to cuddle.” Figures.

“I know baby, me too,” a lie, she would never know that though. “Can’t keep my hands off you if I stay tho and I need some sleep.” I lie more, never looking at her. She buys it though, like she does every time. It’s not like I liked to lie, but I also didn’t like disappointing people. Especially girls that looked at me like that. It would kill her to know I texted three girls after Valerie didn’t answer, and the only reason I was here was because Zoe was the fastest to reply..

I leave Zoe like that, naked in bed, pleading with her eyes. Sometimes I felt bad, because I could tell she really liked me. But then I remembered how hard it is to be Paige Bueckers, and I didn’t feel so bad. My job was to be great on the court. Everything else was just background noise.

-

I sit by the court, my chest heaving, throwing my head back to down some water. The squeaking of sneakers echo all around me, blending in with the sound of Geno’s voice screaming at some of the girls working on plays. Coach had been killing us today, not happy with how the last game had went. We had still won, but that was merely a reason to celebrate in his eyes. 

All day I’d been missing shots that should’ve been child’s play for me. I couldn’t help but beat myself up. I was distracted, unfocused. I had been killing myself on the court, hoping it would bring me to my senses. Geno had been the one to tap me on the shoulder and force me to take a break I wipe the sweat off my face into the inside of my shirt, and grab my phone.

Bro are u alive?

I’m gettin worried lowkey

i’m fine paige

Five days. For five days Valerie hadn’t texted me back anything but that. I clench my jaw in frustration, shaking my head to myself. It made no sense to me - yeah we had a falling out but that’s what we did. We bickered and then we kissed and made up, and that’s what we had been doing for months so why was she acting like this now? Well… maybe calling her a psycho bitch last week hadn’t been the best move on my part.

I don’t know why the things she did bothered me so much. When she didn’t laugh at my joke, when she didn’t answer my texts. I don’t know why I felt a constant nervousness swirl inside me when she was mad at me, I had no reason to care. I guess the pussy was just that good, it was tricking me into thinking I did.

“Va-le-r- oh that’s the girl from Ted’s!” KK slams her hands on my shoulders, coming up from behind me, peeping at my phone screen. In a panic, I lock my phone, hiding it from her view.

“Bro, you heard of privacy?” I complain, shoving her playfully as she sits next to me on the ground. KK snickers, her nose scrunching a little as she does. 

“Not since you started peeing with the door open,” the shorter girl next to me argues and I scoff loudly, my mouth wide open.

“One time! And I was drunk!!” I groan, my voice rising a little and eyes going wide. CD quickly turns around and shushes us, shaking her head. Me and KK quickly shut our mouths, my cheeks turning a little red from the scolding.

KK looks at me with raised brows, and then at the phone, and then at me again. Most of the team knew how I kept myself busy when I wasn’t training, but KK was the one who had joined me those countless times at Ted’s and sat with me at the corner table as I watched her. Valerie. There was something so intriguing about her I just had to keep coming back. I always thought once I’d get her to my bed and have my way with her, I’d be done with her, which is how it usually goes. Before I realised that one time turned into five, which turned into me being in her bed getting her right, not even caring about my own most of the time. Getting her off got me off. Just thinking about the way she looked when she came, the way her back arched, her perfect mouth fell open - I really had to stop thinking about her. Why was it so goddamn hard?

It won’t be hard to find another Valerie if she’s gonna keep this difficult act up.

“Girl trouble?” KK asks, her tone more genuine and I roll my eyes, looking at her sideways.

“Yea right,” I chuckle sarcastically, leaning my elbows to my knees. “Just need to find a new one is all.”

KK lets out a small laugh, sipping her water bottle. “The five you got not enough?” She jokes.

I smirk a little glancing at her. “Four,” I correct, as if that made it better somehow. “Just need someone… new,” I mumble, knowing it was the best bet to get my mind off Valerie. I’m sure eventually I’d find someone who was just as hot. Someone who also smelled like coconut.

“Then what do I say to Zoe.”

“Wh- Zoe?” 

KK nods and grins at me. “She texted me asking about your shoe size or sum, wanted to get a gift for you.”

“She- she what?” My voice is full of shock and I can feel the claustrophobic tightness quickly grow inside me. I had never given her KK’s number. She was doing too much. KK just nods, clearly finding the situation amusing.

“Bro…” I groan quietly, as to not piss off CD again, and lean my head forward, resting my forehead against my arms. Zoe clearly hadn’t understood what “just fucking around” meant. Sometimes shit slipped out of my mouth, sure, but I never let her think I liked her. I had to be careful with her.

KK kisses the her teeth and is still nodding. “Yeah… probably time to let her go huh?”

“That bitch is crazy I swear,” I murmur and KK laughs out loud again. I punch her arm, reminding her to keep quiet - an impossible task for KK. Before I can stop myself, the words just slip from my mouth.

“Ted’s tonight?” 

KK looks at me pointedly. “Valerie workin’?” she teases but I shake my head sternly.

“No man, fuck Valerie.” The words tasted bitter in my mouth. “Just need to find a new one, k?”

“You sure you’re not just gon’ ogle at her all ni-”

“KK.” I say sternly

KK nods. “Ok,” she repeats but I can tell from her tone she doesn’t buy it. She shuts up though knowing she could tease me about anything but anything about Valerie got under my skin. Truth was Valerie was working today. I just needed to see her just for a second. Just to know if I was overthinking it, or if she was really icing me out.

-

The Friday night had brought many other students to Ted’s as well, the bar pretty packed and the chatter loud over the music. KK had convinced Ice to join us so the three of us made our way in. The best thing about crowds was it made it easy to blend in, even for us. We push our way through to the bar, my eyes immediately searching for a glimpse of Valerie’s golden brown hair or her wide eyes. All I needed was to see her, I told myself. Even for a second. Then the twist in my stomach would straighten out.

“What can I get you?” The perky voice of the redhead asks over the buzzing crowd. I think her name was Natalie or something. Ice looks over the flyers on the bar, advertising a range of new drinks.

“Let’s try some of these,” Ice suggests and I grab the flyer from her hand. I didn’t really come here to drink so I couldn’t have cared less what we ordered. Especially now I realised Valerie wasn’t even here.

“Uhh yea can we get three Aperol Negronis,”

“You won’t like it,” a stern, but sweet voice interrupts the conversation. I’d recognise that voice anywhere.

Valerie steps out from the back, pinning her hair away from her face and for a moment our gazes meet. Her dark, wide eyes make me let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. For a moment I want to jump over the bar and touch her, to make sure she was really there and not just a mirage of my desires.

“W-why not?” I ask, my voice uncharacteristically shaky. Only with her I got like that. Suddenly my throat felt dry and the nervous twist in my stomach was turning into something you could only call butterflies. Of course I knew it couldn’t be butterflies, because that would mean I cared. I couldn’t afford to care. I didn’t have the time for distractions. I had a national championship to win.

Valerie scoffs looking away from me, ignoring me as I chase her gaze. “Because I know you won’t,” she says. The way she thought she knew me that well irked me. Still, I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t beaming at the fact that I had her attention after a week of trying to chase her down.

I can’t help the pout that forms in defiance. She’s still ignoring me, pouring drinks for a group of boys clearly ogling at her - which only irked me more.

“Well… I want three of them,” I say matter of factly, trying to prove a point.

“Whoa Paige, maybe we should just get a shirl-” Ice chuckles but I shake my head.

“Three Aperol Negronis,” I dictate. Valerie’s stern eyes finally look at me. She looks almost a little scary, not pleased with my tone. “... please.” I add urgently, not wanting to get on her bad side. I guess some would say I already had.

Wordlessly, Valerie rolls her wide eyes and gets to mixing the drinks. I allow my eyes to wander for a moment, noticing how the white shirt of the work uniform hugged her body, the curve of her breasts making my mouth water. Just seeing her was enough to ignite the fire deep in my abdomen. The things I would do to leave with her tonight and take her to my bed, like I had so many times before. I would even settle for just some kissing. Just wanted to let my hands wander down her body, squeeze and feel where I wanted, with no urgency. I needed to feel all of her, wanted to drown in her.

“By card orrr…?” Valerie asks, clearly waiting for the payment. My eyes had gone glassy, and my lower lip had a small dent from the way I’d been biting down on it. I blink stupidly at her, struggling to calm myself down.

“I got it,” KK murmurs and slides her card to Valerie. I grab my drink, and the smell is enough to make my face scrunch up in disgust. I swear it smells like battery acid, and as I take a sip I notice - it also tastes like battery acid. I swallow the orange liquor, it burns on its way down making me cough a little. Valerie was watching me amused. I hated when she was right.

“People actually drink this and like it??” Ice asks, her voice hoarse from coughing as well. KK nods agreeing but I’m too stubborn to admit defeat.

“I actually like it,” I lie with a straight face, my fingers twitching around the glass as I try to get over the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

“Oh right,” Valerie says, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she turns to another group of customers. I can’t help reach over the bar, my hand grabbing her arm. She turns back to face me, icier than I had ever seen. It shocks me enough that I let go of her, taken aback.

“What?” she asks, her voice filled with annoyance.

“You seen my texts?” is all I ask, and it comes out a little too desperate for my liking.

“Yes,” Valerie says matter of factly. I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t.

“Uh… well thought we’d link up or something,” I add, shifting on my feet as I do.

Valerie sighs in frustration and takes a deep breath to compose herself.

“I’m good,” is all she says and flashes me an ice cold smile. I feel a strange pang in my heart. She had iced me out before, but not like this. Usually seeing her face to face was enough for her to forget our petty little arguments, enough to get her on me again. “I have work,” she adds before finally returning to serve the other customers.

I stand there for a moment, astonished. An uncomfortable ache that had been wavering in my chest was growing too intense for me to ignore anymore. Maybe it was all my fault after all. I had told her I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else and in the moment I had meant it. But then I remembered the stakes. Last year to win a national championship, last year to prove my greatness. I wasn’t going to mess it up just because of some girl. A relationship would be nothing more than a distraction, an unnecessary responsibility. I had enough on my plate. Valerie was selfish for wanting me all to herself. She didn’t understand what she was asking for. Maybe calling her a psycho bitch wasn’t so far off.

I feel someone bump into my back and turn around to find a girl, cheeks blushed and apologetic. I see her eyes widen in recognition - it was always that moment when I knew I could have this girl if I wanted. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, I’m a little drunk,” the girl giggles and I offer her an easy smile. I consider taking this girl home, imagining the way I’d lure her into my bed, just a little bit of sweet talk and a smirk would be enough, a hand on her waist, thumb rubbing her skin and soon she’d get this look on her face like she had to have me. It would be so easy, and I wouldn’t have to think about Valerie at all.

But the pain in my chest doesn’t go away, even when I let my mind wander further, how this girl would look underneath me, whimpering while I fuck her. It did nothing to make the pain go away.

“‘S fine,” i murmur and decide to ignore the way she was blinking at me, biting her bottom lip. I grab my drink from the bar, and push past her, finding KK and Ice sitting at our usual table. They both look at me, but don’t ask where I’d been. They both knew better. I sip my drink, cursing to myself in my head about ordering it. With sheer stubbornness I finish it quickly, finding that easier than taking small sips. 

“You’re never picking what we drink again,” KK scoffs, copying me, her face scrunching involuntarily when she finishes her drink. But I barely register her words, as I lean back in the chair, head tilting back to watch Valerie.

She’s giggling with Natalie, throwing her head back in amusement. The chatter in the bar is deafening, but I swear I could hear her laugh in my head vividly. Like my brain had memorised each tone of her voice. There was something different about Valerie, she always shined the brightest in every room she was in. Even the dingy bar was lit up by her. She wasn’t even necessarily extremely lively. It was her mere presence that just made everything better. 

I noticed it the first time I ever saw her, early september. All she did was walk past me on campus, talking lively into her phone. It was her voice I had heard before even seeing what she looked like. Her voice had been enough to make me have to see her. Of course she hadn’t even looked my way, not even a glance. That was the moment I knew I had to have her.

“You enjoy it?” Valerie asks KK and Ice, fully ignoring me as she walks to our table to clean up. I watch the golden bracelet she always wore dangling on her wrist as she grabs the empty glasses. I lean back and tilt my head to look up at her, needy for her attention. Licking my lips I look her up and down, that usually worked enough to get her naked. But now, she didn’t even glance at me. Annoyance grew within me as she chatted with KK, laughing at her jokes.

It was then when my eyes moved from her lips to her neck that I saw it - a dark bruise underneath her ear, right on the spot where she liked to be kissed. I knew, because I had left many bruises there and gotten scolded for it. But this wasn’t mine. This was someone else’s.

“Okay well see ya around,” Valerie smiles and turns to take the glasses to the back. I feel the pang in my chest quickly flip, turning into anger. I was furious. Who did she think she was? Sleeping around with someone else, not answering my texts, letting someone else mark her like that. I felt my body turn hot, and without a word to KK and Ice I get up from my seat, nearly knocking it over as I take quick strides to reach Valerie, following her into the back, ignoring the STAFF ONLY sign on the door.

My steps are heavy and loud as I reach her, standing by the sink, handling the dirty glasses. I was shaking my head to myself, trying to control my anger. But it was getting the best of me.

“Staff only plea-” Valerie starts and turns to me, unable to miss the redness of my face, the clenched jaw and the way I was biting on the insides of my cheeks. “Paige?” she asks, furrowing her brows, confused.

The pounding in my head grows and I let out a scoff, not feeling in control of myself. My brain was moving faster than I could follow, I felt lightheaded. I felt furious. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask, my voice loud. I didn’t really care about being overheard.

“Huh?” Valerie asks, clearly bewildered, but already getting defensive in response to how I was acting.

“What, you don’t text me, call me or nothing? Because you’ve been too busy fucking some other bitch?” I yell, my hand pointing to her neck. Valerie’s eyes widen in realisation but quickly turn angry too. 

“I- WHAT?” She yells back and takes a step towards me.

“Don’t play dumb. So who is it?” I say sternly, grinning bitterly at her, my eyes looking down at her.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes shaking her head which only infuriates me more.

“I said. Who. Is. It?” I repeat, grabbing her arm. She pushes my hand off her, anger growing on her face as her brows furrowed further.

“How is it any of your business who I sleep with Paige?” She argues.

She had a point. We weren’t exclusive. Matter of fact it was pretty hypocritical of me to be so angry when I had a roster of girls on my phone, ready to answer my calls at any time of day. My anger had taken over though, and the little sense I had when it came to Valerie, was completely gone.

I throw my head back and chuckle bitterly, provoking her further. “See I knew you’re a lotta things but didn’t know you were a slut too,” I hiss, the words slipping out without much thought. I couldn’t think of anything but how furious I felt.

Valerie laughs loud, but it’s not the sweet laugh I was used to. It was a bitter, angry laugh.

“Me?! You’ve slept with every girl that swings your way on campus and even some that don’t! You’re the slut Paige!” she screams, her wide eyes burning with anger, her finger coming up to point at my face. It pissed me off, the way it was assigning blame, like all of this was my fault. Like it wasn’t she who slept with someone.

“I don’t owe you anything!” she declares, her voice revealing a hint of hurt, the way it cracked slightly. “I’m done with you. I’m serious Paige. Done,” she adds, her voice calmer, but more authoritative. “Now get out of my bar.”

My face was hot and red, my chest was heaving and my head spun. The hurt in her voice made me waver, made my chest ache more. I blink at her stupidly as she turns back to the dishes, already missing having her attention. I was fine with the yelling, the fighting, as long as it meant she was looking at me, or talking to me. But now she’s done with me? Fine, so was I. Wouldn’t take me longer than a day to find a new Valerie.

“Pshh whatever,” I murmur and storm out of the back, heading fast towards the exit. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt tight and I could taste the bitter Aperol on my tongue still. It made me nauseous,

I’m gasping for air once I feel the chilly breeze of february hitting my skin. The silence outside was overwhelming, forcing me to realise the rapid pace of my own thoughts. My mind was swirling with flashing images of Valerie, on top of someone, looking down at her like she did at me, the idea of her moaning someone else’s name made me sick.

“Fuck!” I shout, unable to control myself. A group of girls near me turn to look at me but return to their conversation when I sit myself down on the curb. What a standard I was setting for student athletes everywhere right now.

My eyes burn and before I notice, a tear rolls down my cheek. I bury my face into my hands and rub my jaw, my anger easing with each exhale. I didn’t know why I was crying, I didn’t understand any of this. I couldn’t believe the things I had said, the way I had acted. I was supposed to be disciplined, in control, but I felt so out of control when it came to Valerie.

“Paigey…” KK murmurs and suddenly I realise her and Ice are standing in front of me, looking down at me sympathetically. Embarrassed, I wipe the tears away and try to steady my breathing.

“Uhh sorry just gimme a sec guys,” I sigh looking at the ground. They sit on either side of me, wrapping their arms around me. I lean into Ice’s shoulder and I’m grateful how they don’t pry, or talk. We just sit there in silence for a while.

I take a deep sigh and lift my head back up, chewing on my bottom lip. I glance at both of the girls sitting next to me, grateful for the friends I had. At least I got one thing right.

“I dunno what just happened,” I sigh, shaking my head thinking back to my behaviour. The shame I felt made my cheeks turn a shade of red.

KK chuckles softly and ruffles my hair affectionately. “I do,” she mumbles.

I furrow my brows and turn to look at her. She looks back at me like whatever was about to come out of her mouth was obvious. KK and Ice glance at each other before KK opens her mouth to speak.

“Bro you have feelings for her.”

Oh?

Oh.

My mouth parts in realisation as I move my gaze from KK to the pavement. It’s just us now, sitting in silence, the sounds of passing cars and the muted sounds of the bar the only noise in the chilly evening.

“C’mon P boogers, let’s go home,” Ice says, standing up and reaching a hand down to lift me up. 

KK hops up and nods. “You need some Tru Fru,” she adds.

With a nod, I let them pull me up, following them to the car. I had feelings for Valerie. Shit. I'd just have to find a way to get over it - I couldn’t afford all this. Not right now. Not with the world watching, waiting for me to fail. Not with a national championship on the line.

-

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NEXT ONE WILL BE HOTTER I PROMISE

[disaster-j]

Can I just say that this episode really solidified for me that Buck and Tommy are far more of a pining longing will they wont they romance than any of us anticipated they would be

We've seen Buck be dumped and do the dumping so many times before. We've seen how he reacts to being left behind. He clings until he can but when it's over, it's Truly Over for him. We've never seen him struggle so much with staying away. We've never seen him continue to be so love-struck so desperately wanting to seek out an ex's attention.

It's so different from how he usually is after a break-up and I love it.

I love that he's so obsessive about wanting to reach out to Tommy that his friends feel the need to stop him from doing it just in case he gets hurt again. I love that he's coping with it by baking his feelings. I love that the show makes it expressly clear he is NOT the only one who is struggling not to reach out. I love that they showed us that Tommy is also missing Buck. That Tommy is out there somewhere thinking of his man and how badly he wants him back in his life. I love that even if we don't see them together we can see they're still BuckTommy like the show may have taken them away from each other but those characters' arcs are clearly still intertwined and I love it.

I also love how Buck has reacted emotionally to the break-up. Like they're not villainising Tommy. They're not acting like Tommy committed some crime by stepping away. Buck seems to take the whole being dumped thing far better than he ever has before. I don't even think he sees it as being left behind bc we see that he is expecting to speak to Tommy again, to see Tommy again. And he wants it, in whatever way he can have it.

He's not angry at Tommy, he's not even particularly bitter. He's just sad. He's frustrated and lonely and all he wants is his man back. And he better fucking get exactly that or is2g

[reidsbabyhoney]

second chances | s.r.

the one where Spence regrets everything that’s happened in the past six months.

pairing: spencer reid x bau!reader category: angst, fluff cw: none wc: 3.3k a/n: this took forever too write because every time i tried writing it i absolutely hated how it came out. i’m hoping i gave them the ending they deserved and that you all love it! also please let me know if there's any warnings I should add.

pt.1 masterlist spencer reid masterlist

The entire car ride home was a blur, and you mean that literally. The tears that coated your eyes never seemed to stop even after you arrived back home. The dull hum of the engine couldn't seem to drown out the noise-deafening pounding in your chest.

You couldn't help but replay every moment from tonight on a loop, the gut wrenching realization that Spencer moved on so quickly, so easily. It felt as if your entire world had been tilted on its axis and you were left to live in a reality that didn't make any sense.

Maya. You hadn't been able to look at her without a sharp pang of jealousy making its way though your chest. The way she spoke to Spencer, so casually, so possessively like you were going to take her from him at any second. But in reality that's what she did to you.

You told yourself that you were fine, that you had enough time to move on and get over that relationship, but its clear you were lying to yourself. Every moment you were in his presence were the few moments of bliss where you could pretend everything with him was normal.

You had loved him. You still did. The harsh truth of that might've hurt worse than tonight's events.

Once you finally arrived home you didn't bother to go inside right away. Turning off the car you sit staring at the dashboard, trying to ground yourself in something, anything but the whirlwind of emotions going on in your mind right now.

As your about to open the door, your phone buzzes in the passenger seat. Picking it up you see it's a message from Penelope.

From: Penny

Are you okay, sweetheart? If you need anything I'm just a phone call away. Please don't let his stupidity ruin your night, we all know how much of an amazing person you are!

A small smile painted its way across your features, though drained and not very genuine.

You quickly texted her back letting her know you were okay and just needed some time to process everything. With that you finally got out of the car making your way inside, preparing for another sleepless night.

-

You had taken the day off. Well technically you didn't request it, it was given to you by Hotch. The team had just gotten back from a long gruesome case and he decided that everyone needed some time to decompress.

It had been a couple weeks since 'The Incident' as Emily has so kindly labeled it. Since then the unkind thoughts hadn't left your mind.

You spent most of the day curled up on the couch barely able to focus on the movies playing on the TV. Your mind was a storm of thoughts that blossomed from that night, though not into flowers, more so like weeds that didn't want to fully be pulled from the ground.

You replayed every word he said that night. Every glance, subtle expression. There was no warmth in his tone, nothing that suggested the gentle, awkward genius who had found solace in your presence.

You knew it hurt, but what hurt more was the realization that Spencer wasn't the only thing you lost that night. You were mourning the loss of what had been,  what could've been.

-

The next morning, you showed up at the office. The decision half-hearted, debating on requesting for another day out of the crowded space. You're not sure what you were expecting, for something to just change overnight, or if you needed to prove to yourself that you could handle it.

You walked in to see the team gathered around the bullpen. Derek was leaning against the counter, talking animatedly to JJ, while Penelope was chattering away in her usual high-energy manner. They all seemed fine, but you knew they could feel your emotions. You had always worn them on your sleeve, and the team was nothing if not perceptive.

And Spencer? He was nowhere to be found.

Your heart dropped, but you quickly masked the disappointment with a neutral expression. You couldn’t allow yourself to think about him right now, not with everything else going on.

As you slid into your chair, you could feel their eyes on you every now and then, but none of them dared to speak up. It was only when the elevator doors opened that you saw Spencer walking toward the bullpen. His usual awkward stride was missing, replaced by something… hesitant. His eyes briefly met yours, but instead of the usual spark of familiarity, there was something different. Something strained.

He was carrying a large coffee cup in his hand, but it seemed like he was just holding it for the sake of holding it.

“y/n,” he said softly, his voice laced with the same uncertainty that had been present in his eyes. You barely met his gaze, your stomach doing somersaults at the sight of him.

“Spence,” you said, offering a forced smile. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing, but you couldn’t let yourself show it.

“I, uh, can we talk?” he asked, his words tumbling out in that way that was so quintessentially Spencer.

Your gaze flickered around the room, but you didn’t want to make a scene. “Now’s not the best time.”

He nodded, but you could see the disappointment in his face. He hesitated for a moment before turning away and heading to his own desk. You didn’t watch him go, how could you?

-

Hours passed, and the tension between you and Spencer lingered like a heavy fog. Every now and then, you caught his eyes lingering on you when he thought you weren’t looking, but every time you met his gaze, he looked away.

You were exhausted. Your mind was scattered. And when you finally gathered the courage to step away from your desk to grab a coffee, it was then that Spencer decided to approach you.

“y/n,” he called out gently, his voice softer now, less urgent.

You paused mid-step, not sure how to respond. His presence was overwhelming, and even though you wanted to retreat, you knew you couldn’t keep avoiding him forever.

Turning around slowly, you nodded. “Spencer.”

“Can we talk?” he asked again, this time with more sincerity in his voice.

You studied him carefully, unsure whether you could trust yourself to keep calm. “Do we really need to? I think we’ve said everything we need to say.”

“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “I don’t think we have. At least not yet.” He paused, looking down at his feet. “Please.”

You could hear the desperation in his voice, and for the first time since that night, you allowed yourself to truly look at him. You didn’t know what had changed, but you knew it was something important. You had loved Spencer for so long, and maybe it was time to let him explain himself.

“Alright,” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Let’s talk.”

-

The conference room door clicked shut behind you, and for a brief moment, you felt like you were trapped. The silence was thick, oppressive. Spencer stood by the window, facing away from you, his shoulders tense, his hands hanging stiffly at his sides. He didn’t move, didn’t speak. The space between you felt impossibly wide, like an ocean stretching between two distant shores.

You wanted to scream. To demand answers. To ask why. But you couldn’t, because the truth was, you were too scared of what might come next. The flood of emotions coursing through you felt like too much to bear. And the pain? The pain was undying.

Finally, Spencer spoke, but his voice was soft, almost trembling. “I never meant to hurt you,” he said, his words breaking the stillness in the room, but they did little to ease the ache in your chest.

He turned slowly, his eyes dropping to the floor as if he couldn’t bear to look at you. “I’m so sorry. For the way I ended things... for pushing you away.”

His gaze finally met yours, but there was no spark there, no warmth. Just an empty, hollow ache, the same one you felt. The distance between you both was palpable.

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “I thought I was protecting you. I thought I was giving you space to breathe… to move on. To get away from the chaos that’s always been a part of my life.”

The words struck you like a punch to the gut. Protecting you? Was that what this was? Did he think he was being noble by choosing to shut you out?

“You pushed me away, Spencer,” you said, your voice trembling with the rawness of everything you were holding in. “I didn’t ask for space. I didn’t ask for you to shut me out. I was here… I've always been here.” The anger, the hurt, it all poured out of you, and you couldn’t stop it even if you tried. “I just needed you to be honest with me. To tell me the truth, not hide behind your fears.”

His face faltered at your words, and for a moment, he looked like he might crumble under the weight of your pain. “I was scared,” he admitted, his voice breaking as if he hadn’t even meant to say it. “I was scared that if I kept you close, I would ruin everything. That I’d hurt you more. I thought if I pulled away, you’d be better off without me. But all I’ve done is hurt you even more.”

The truth of his words hit you like a wave, but it didn’t bring relief. Instead, it left you feeling raw, exposed. How could he think that? How could he think leaving was the solution? You had been through so much together. But the thought of him choosing to walk away, of him choosing her, it crushed you.

“I don’t know if I can forgive you, Spencer,” you whispered, the tears you had been holding back threatening to spill over. Your heart was breaking, the weight of everything that had happened too much to carry anymore.

“You didn’t just break my heart… you broke me. I was waiting for you. I thought... I thought we could work through this. But you didn’t give me a chance. And now you’re asking me to just… what? To just forget?”

Spencer’s face crumpled as if your words were a physical blow, but he didn’t look away. He couldn’t. He was broken too, and for the first time, he looked vulnerable, scared even. “I don’t want you to forget,” he said, his voice shaking with emotion.

“I just want a chance. A chance to prove that I’m not that guy anymore. That I’m not the one who left you… that I’m the one who’s ready to fight for us.”

You shook your head, a sob escaping before you could stop it. “I don’t know if I can believe you anymore, Spencer. I don’t know if I can trust you after everything.”

He stepped forward, his hands trembling as they reached out toward you. “Please,” he whispered, desperation creeping into his voice. “I’ve spent every second of the last six months thinking about how much I screwed up, wishing I could go back and do things differently. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest, erratic, unsure whether it was breaking or yearning for something—anything that might bring you peace. You knew Spencer had made mistakes, but he wasn’t the only one at fault. You had kept yourself at a distance too, not because you wanted to, but because you were terrified of what this might mean. Of what letting him back in might cost you.

“I’m scared, Spencer,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I’m scared that if I let you back in, you’ll leave again. That you’ll hurt me again.”

He closed the distance between you, standing just inches away now. You could see the unshed tears in his eyes, the way his face was etched with guilt and regret. He reached for your hand, but instead of pulling away, you let him. You let him hold you, as fragile as it felt, as broken as you both were in that moment.

“I won’t leave again,” he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. “I swear. I’ll fight for you. For us. I’ll fight for as long as it takes.”

The raw honesty in his voice, his words full of pain, of hope. It made something inside you snap. The walls you had built around your heart were crumbling, piece by piece. You didn’t know if you could ever go back to the way things were, but maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something new. Something better.

“I’m not asking for things to be perfect,” Spencer continued, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand, the small touch making your pulse race. “I just need you to know that I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

You met his gaze then, your eyes brimming with unshed tears, but this time they weren’t just born from hurt. There was something else there. Something like hope. “I’m not ready to forgive you yet, Spencer,” you said softly, your voice trembling. “But I’m willing to try. I’m willing to see where this goes. If you really mean it.”

His face softened, the tension easing just a fraction. “I do,” he whispered, his hand still gently holding yours. “I mean it. More than anything.”

And as he pulled you into his arms, you let yourself hold on, just for a moment. You weren’t sure where this would lead, or if you could ever truly forget the pain. But for the first time in a long while, you weren’t alone. And maybe that was enough.

-

It was one of those quiet mornings that felt like a small slice of heaven. The sun was just beginning to rise, casting a soft glow through the windows, and the only sound in the apartment was the rhythmic hum of the coffee maker.

The air was still cool from the night before, but the warmth of the morning sun slowly crept in, filling the room with a gentle golden light.

You were sitting at the kitchen table, your bare feet tucked under you, a mug of coffee warming your hands. Your hair was messy from sleep, but you didn’t mind.

You had gotten used to waking up next to Spencer every morning, and the sight of him, still half-asleep, a little rumpled, and incredibly endearing, was one of the small things you’d grown to cherish.

Spencer was at the counter, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose as he flipped through a pile of paperwork. The clutter of his case files and textbooks was a normal part of your life now, but the way he had rearranged things over the past few months, more neatly than ever before, was a quiet testament to how much he had changed. He wasn’t perfect, but he was working on it. He was trying, and that was all that mattered.

“Y/n?” Spencer’s voice broke the quiet, pulling your attention away from your thoughts.

You looked up from your coffee, meeting his soft brown eyes. He was still wearing his sleep-filled smile, the one that only appeared after a good night’s sleep, when he wasn’t overthinking or buried under a pile of cases.

“I was wondering… would you mind helping me with something later?” His voice was tentative, but there was something else there now, something more confident. He wasn’t afraid to ask for help anymore.

You’d noticed that shift in him over the past few months, the way he wasn’t afraid to lean on you, to let you in when before he would have kept his distance. It had taken time, but now, when he needed you, he knew how to reach for you without hesitation.

“Of course,” you said with a smile, your heart swelling at how far you’d come since that difficult conversation. “What do you need help with?”

Spencer hesitated for just a moment, glancing down at the paperwork. His fingers hovered over the pile, as though unsure how to ask. “I’m working on this case… and I just need to go over the details. I know you’ve got that… special way of seeing things,” he said with a playful grin, using the affectionate nickname you’d earned after countless cases where your instincts had been spot on. “You’re better at spotting the details than I am.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, playfully teasing. “Oh, so now I’m the expert, huh? I thought you were the genius here.”

Spencer’s smile widened, and he shook his head, walking over to the table and taking a seat across from you. He didn’t even try to hide the fondness in his gaze as he looked at you. “You are the expert,” he said softly. “And I’m just the guy who gets to learn from you every day.”

The words lingered between you, warm and comfortable. You reached across the table, brushing your fingers over his hand in a simple, affectionate gesture. A small smile played on your lips as you felt his fingers intertwine with yours, and for the first time, you didn’t feel like you had to hold anything back. There was no fear of losing each other, no worry that the cracks would reopen. Everything—every single piece of you—had found a place next to him, and for once, it felt right.

“I’ll help you,” you said softly, squeezing his hand. “Just like I always do.”

Spencer’s expression softened, his eyes reflecting a quiet sense of gratitude. You knew, deep down, that he wasn’t just thankful for your help with the case. He was thankful for everything—for your patience, for your trust, for the fact that despite all the mistakes and misunderstandings, you were still here. You had come through the storm together, stronger than before, and you could feel it in every touch, in every glance. There was an unspoken understanding between you now. A promise that no matter what came your way, you would face it as a team.

“You know,” Spencer said, his voice low, “I never thought I’d have something like this. Something so... real. So comfortable.”

You laughed softly, the sound light and free, a stark contrast to the uncertainty that had plagued your earlier months together. “I think we’ve finally figured out how to make it work,” you said, your voice steady and full of warmth. “No more pushing each other away. No more running. Just… us.”

Spencer nodded, his gaze softening as his thumb gently traced the back of your hand. “I’m not running anymore,” he whispered, the sincerity in his voice bringing a warmth to your chest. “I’m staying. For good.”

There was no need for more words. You leaned across the table, your lips brushing his in a kiss that was slow and full of meaning. It wasn’t a kiss filled with urgency or desperation, but one of quiet comfort. One of trust and affection. One that said we’re here, and that was enough.

As you pulled away, you saw the same sense of contentment reflected in his eyes, a peacefulness that had taken months to build but was finally here. You didn’t need anything else, because with Spencer, you had everything you’d ever wanted.

The coffee and case files were long forgotten as the two of you sat there, simply enjoying each other’s company. There was no rush to get to the day, no lingering doubt or fear. Just the warmth of his presence beside you, and the certainty that no matter what the future held, you’d face it together.

all notes and reposts are appreciated!! loving you always xx

divider: @fairytopea

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[endless-ineffabilities]

some mildly spicy Ewan 'The Iceberg' Mitchell headcanons for your imaginative indulgence

I want 'em all to see you look good on top of me At this time at night, I need not one, not three Just your two hands on me like my life needs savin' Let 'em all know

a/n: inspired by the release of the song 2 hands. purely self-indulgent, purely fictional, and nothing more. no explicit bits, because I steer clear of those for rpfs. so on your marks, get set...

main masterlist

✨️ He would be the most gentle partner during your first time together. Not rushing in the slightest as he prepares you, making sure you feel good and comfortable every step of the way, going down on you like it's his last meal on earth. He'd want to maintain eye contact, even as you fall apart underneath him. He would clean you up afterwards, and whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you fall asleep in his arms.

✨️ He is, of course, sweet and attentive and tender in bed. But the more you get to know him, the more he reveals his rougher, dominant side. You would find out that they were all right about him—while he does keep to himself a lot, Ewan is indeed secretly naughty >:)

✨️ There will be moments when he would be unsure, his eyes would flit all over the room then back to you, and you would know that he's biting back a question.

✨️ What is it, baby? — Hmm, nothing. — C'mon, Ewan. — I was wondering if... if I can take... pictures of you? — Of course, I mean... you already take a lot of pictures of me. — No, I mean... pictures. — Okay. Pictures. What...? — (he'd bury his face in your neck, as if ashamed) I want one where I can see my baby. Every single bit of my baby. — Oh.

✨️ And so that'll be the start of Ewan's most prized album in his phone. Suddenly, the lad will have a knack for photography. He'd capture all the right angles.

✨️ The boy is needy as hell. He'd actually whine in protest when he wants to do it, when he craves you, and you'd brush him off because you're busy working or you're in a rush to go to a meeting.

✨️ Baby, c'mon, just stay. — Ewan, I have to go to work. — I'm a successful actor, I can provide for you, baby. You don't ever have to work again. — Ewan, you're so ridiculous. — Okay, fine, fiiiiiine. But... just give me 10 minutes please. — I really gotta go, babe. — Alright, 5 minutes. Promise to make you scream.

✨️ He's a sucker for neck kisses. It tickles him a little when you nibble on the underside of his jaw, the crook of his neck. He could just lie there forever with his head tilted back and his fingers threaded in your hair.

✨️ But as much as he likes receving neck kisses, he likes doling them out even more. Hickeys stir a primal instinct in him, he likes seeing you covered—branded—in them. As if they prove that you're his and only his.

✨️ His favourite sight is watching you in the throes of climax. His second favourite is when you look up at him as you're on your knees, holding his gaze as you bring him closer to the edge.

✨️ Your bits and bobs would not be in places where you left them. The childhood photo of yours that you tacked onto the board above your desk — in Ewan's wallet. Your favourite piece of lace underwear — for some reason, in the hidden inner pocket of his trusty travel backpack. Your old hairtie — snug around his wrist, because he'd want to keep something of yours on him at all times (and! also useful in case you'd be in a new city together, for example, and you need 10 minutes and your hair neatly kept away from your face).

✨️ Ewan (the true blue cinephile) likes a cheeky fumble in the screen-lit darkness of the cinema. This means that you know to wear a skirt during your movie dates, to give him easy access as his hand wanders under your folded-up coat on your lap. He'd keep his head forward, watching the film as he buries his digits, but his darkened eyes give him away.

✨️ As much as he loves seeing you in nothing but your underwear and one of his metal t-shirts, wearing his clothes for long would be a challenge — the moment he catches sight of you like that, he's instantly turned on. That Metallica shirt would meet the floor. But... there would be times when he would want to have you with nothing but that on.

✨️ He wouldn't mind if you accidentally call him Aemond in the middle of it. It even spurs him on. He would also beg you to please call him my Prince or Prince Regent.

✨️ You would help him practice his lines. One thing in particular—he would want to fully act out the steamy scenes between Aemond and Alys with you, so he could carry that memory of you in his performance.

✨️ He would drive you both around in the old Ford he got from his dad as a gift for his 22nd. You like that he still uses the same car, even as his success continues to grow. And you would become quite familiar with every inch of that newly upholstered backseat.

✨️ If you ask him, he'll tell you he's keeping that car until it's nothing but rust on wheels. Every faint stain and tiny scratch on the leather a reminder of heated moments (fogged up windows, tangled limbs, sharp commands, gear shifts, riding) too precious to part with.

✨️ Not to mention, that backseat is his favourite location to do it in. And it's yours too ;)

[gay-dorito-dust]

batfam fluff headcanons plz

Movie nights are a common occurrence at Wayne manor and as the bat family’s reoccurring guest during these movie nights you have to drag Jason into joining you, not liking him being left out, and as per your agreement you had to sit next to Jason for the duration of the movie.

It sounds simple enough but unfortunately Damian had grown attached to you during these movie nights, so much so that he’s more then willing to fight Jason for the spot next to you, and the funnier thing was that Jason was also more then willing to fight Damian for his spot next to you! It’s his fucking spot he’s not going to lose it to the demon spawn with a knack for swords.

So needless to say that first thing that happens the moment you entered the Manson was Jason and Damian being at each others throats while Dick, Duke, Stephanie, cass and Tim watched the chaos from a safer, safe distance.

‘What’s going on?’ You asked the group just as Jason got Damian in a headlock, their profound use of curse words and insults were the background noise.

‘They’re fighting over who gets to sit next to you during movie night, again.’ Duke informed you as now you could clearly see that Stephanie and Cass was egging on Jason and Damian from the sidelines.

‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ They cheered in unison.

‘Seriously?’ Tim could be heard asking as you looked over at Dick, who was leaning against the doorframe of the theatre room.

‘They do know that they can sit on either side of me right?’ You asked and dick laughed as he brought you into his side.

‘They do but they’d much rather be the one your undivided attention is on.’ Dick replied, booping you on the nose as you gave him an unamused look. ‘This is a movie night, my attention is going to be on the movie not the guy sat next to me.’ You retorted.

‘Try telling them that.’ Duke said as he gestured to Jason and Damian who were now throwing popcorn at each other.

‘I’m sitting next to them! Piss off demon spawn, try next time!’ Jason shouted, almost choking when some popcorn landed directly into his mouth at accurate precision.

‘You can wait next time Todd, you had them sit next to you the past five movie nights!’ Damian shouts back, hiding behind some of the chairs of the theatre room to prevent a shower of popcorn being thrown at him.

‘If they didn’t I wouldn’t fucking bother being here!’ Jason exclaims but while you, Dick, Duke, Tim, Cass and Stephanie watched on a shadow towered over you all, making you all look over your shoulders to see that it was just Bruce Wayne.

Bruce tended to oversee the movie nights, making sure his kids were behaving while you were here but from what he could see from the mess Jason and Damian were making, this was not the case.

‘If the worry of who y/n sits next to is so important then they can sit by me tonight and you two can sit next to each other tonight.’ He says calmly as Jason and Damian stopped what they were doing and looked to their father, then down at the mess they’ve made, then back to their father again before pointing the finger at each other.

‘Todd started it!’ -Damian

‘The little shit couldn’t take the hint and fuck off!’ - Jason.

Bruce sighs and places a hand on your shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry about my children.’

You shrug. ‘It’s okay, no need to apologise mr Wayne.’ Bruce laughs and squeezes your shoulder. ‘Please call me Bruce after all you’ve been here long enough to drop the formalities.’ Bruce replied before addressing his two sons. ‘I mean what I said, y/n can sit next to me this movie night and after this is all over you two can clean up the mess you both made equally as to save Alfred the hassle, do I make myself clear.’

Damian kicks a stray bit of popcorn away from him. ‘Yes father.’

Jason crosses his arms over his chest, huffing. ‘Whatever Bruce.’

Needles to say you enjoyed sitting next to Bruce during movie night but you couldn’t say the same for Jason nor Damian who kicked and muttered insults at each other under their breath in hopes of their father not hearing them, passing balls on who’s fault it was and just acting like two pouting children for being caught in their own actions.

They did indeed clean up their messes afterwards too under the supervision of one Alfred, who couldn’t help but smile while pointing, ‘you missed a spot.’

Jason and Damian groan.

[sgiandubh]

When Cait married Tony she said they would honeymoon in Italy when it, meaning OL, was over. Good way to get it paid for by OL related appearance next March. Too bad she has to put up with Sam for a couple of hours. Sam, who said many times how he hated S2 costumes and was teased much by Meril, because he didn't like the feminine look. Too much like his true nature. He will certainly bring one of his prostitutes over past 3 years, Ashley being the latest, if her unnecessary week in UK last week for for anything else. 4 trips to Scotland for her in a year. It's clear which business she's really in.

Dear Business She Is Really In Anon,

I think you should be ashamed of yourself, for writing plain libel with no other arguments than your own twisted, bitter and irrelevant world view. If you consider that Ashley Hearn is a prostitute, just because she traveled four times to Scotland since late May 2024, then you are nothing more than a sad, sad troll, who thinks thousands of other women who happen to work in the marketing and sales sectors, all over the world, are also whores, right? You know very well all her trips have been more than thoroughly documented and you also know they did have a tangible impact, as far as that company is concerned. You should also get your fucking timeline straight before you treat us to your word vomit, because even the hatred you gratuitously spread around must have, technically speaking, at least some modicum of plausibility. She did not start to work for SS one year ago, punk: she started to work for them on May 21st 2024, which is exactly six months.

When C married McGill there is no way for you to tell what she said. You weren't there, you are a damn Social Zero and you just rely on word-of-mouth and ridiculously contradictory press releases and interviews. A honeymoon takes a week-end perhaps only in your shanty town and making the ball's organizers 'pay for it' is beyond ridiculous, including as far as C herself might be concerned (what is she, a cheap profiteer?) - supposing that 'relationship' would be anything more than a mutually convenient arrangement of sorts, of course. Sorry, but not the case.

Yeah, too bad she had to put up with S, against all odds, for eleven years, now. This is what really wrecks your pea brain, right? That, and being proven wrong and embarrassingly dumb, over and over again.

For your next endeavor, I suggest you'd turn your attention to your homeland telenovelas (you misspelled Maril Davis' name like a Brazilian and that is a dead giveaway).

Talvez Escrava Isaura seja uma substituição decente e mais acessível? Há reviravoltas baratas (gaslighting, veneno, delírio) o suficiente para mantê-la ocupada por um bom tempo.

You may wonder why I still answer your tragically ridiculous comments? Well, because it is time for someone to shame you and also show the true, dull and derisory colors of your stupid monomania.

[Later edit]: in no way did I want to imply anything negative about Brazil or its culture. I could have definitely better used one of the bajillion other Globo productions, dealing with Carioca intrigue and/or football wives. If I haven't, it is just because Escrava Isaura was a huge international success even in the Nineties, and remembered as such by many. While I am sensitive to the social and political inacceptable problem of slavery, I maintain that the 1976 adaptation of Guimarães's novel is simplistic and formulaic enough, hence more appropriate for Anon. I am sorry if my poor joke was construed differently and I apologize to all the people who might be offended. If you know me, you'd also know I am probably the last person to disrespect your country and culture.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Someone's been in the Revolutionary Girl Utena rabbit hole for a bit 👀

I don't even know what it's about, I just see it and get happy

Mind telling me a bit on what it's about? I might watch it myself if it sounds like my thing, bc you seem to have great taste in anime and games

I do have good taste thank you! *flips hair* lol just kidding,

Revolutionary Girl Utena is a surreal and wild queer feminist deconstruction of fairy tale romance and shoujo tropes and it has a lot to say about systems of power, cycles of abuse, the ways people cling to an ideal of innocent childhood which may have never existed anyway, the concept of purity, fear of change and loss, and whether becoming an adult inevitably means being corrupted in some way. Lots and lots of gender, lots of queer characters struggling with compulsory heterosexuality... but over all, it's a deeply meaningful story about the human condition and growing up in an imperfect world.

But also people turn into cows sometimes, there are elephants of surfboards at one point, and one character has a very emotive pet monkey in a tie. at least we think it's a monkey. It can be very silly, is what I'm saying.

The basic plot is that a girl named Utena lost her parents at a very age, but a prince came and comforted her, giving her a ring and telling her to never lose her strength and nobility. Rather than taking that as an engagement offer and aiming to be his princess though, Utena actually admires him so much that she decides to become a prince who saves girls in trouble too. She's determined to find the prince who changed her life though, and her search leads her to a very fancy and phallic looking Ohtori Academy.

Then, when this shitty popular guy makes her friend cry, Utena challenges a guy to a duel to make him pay (as you do). ONLY to find out that the student council of her school are all secretly dueling each other to be engaged to "the Rose Bride", a girl who is supposed to give whoever's engaged to her the power to revolutionize the world. As part of the student council, the shitty popular guy assumes Utena wants to "win" the Rose Bride too.

So next thing Utena knows, she's been dragged into a duel to "win" the "Rose Bride" (who is actually just Utena's classmate, Anthy). Utena thinks that fighting to possess a girl like she's an object is pretty screwed up, but on the other hand, she IS devoted to saving girls, and that shitty popular guy IS treating Anthy pretty badly....

Could be that she'll end up engaged to Anthy, whether she likes it or not....

It covers a lot of dark topics, from misogyny to abuse (sexual abuse included) to child predators to incest (never framed as healthy or okay though, in one case it initially comes off as a joke thing for a character, like the typical anime comedic brother/sister complex, but throughout this characters arc it becomes clear that no, it's really not, and it is not good for the character in question). It's not a graphic show by any means, it handles its subject matter tastefully imo, and the way it explores these things is very effective. It takes a while to build up to where it's going, but the journey is worth it.

If you're interested at all in queer anime or like...queer western cartoons even because odd are they'll have a Utena reference-- it's a must see because it was massively influential. It was made more than 20 years ago and really holds up still.

I also did a review series about it here a while back that people found handy!

[lawofangie]

just assume

it seems like some of you don't understand how the law of assumption works, so let me be the one to make a few things clear. i apologize if these seems repetitive, there just truly isn't anything much to the law. i struggle to understand how much more explicitly the only rule has to be stated in order for you guys to grasp this.

first off, the law of assumption is about making assumptions. as in, you have to assume in order for the law of assumption to work for you. this should be an obvious one, but for some reason many of you don't understand this.

i blame it on all the misinformation and lack of critical thinking skills, because it is quite literally in the name. the law of assumption will not work if you are not assuming. a law about MAKING ASSUMPTIONS will not work if you are not MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.

what is an assumption? something you believe to be true without proof. so, you must believe you have your desires without proof in order to manifest.

asking me why you don't have your desires makes absolutely no sense if you understand this concept. there's no point. you're basically asking me why something you believed to be true is happening. the very obvious reason is that's just the way the law works.

the law of assumption is completely indifferent to whatever you want to manifest, your current circumstances, your feelings, etc. it is simply a law that states whatever you assume to be true will be true.

the law is completely neutral and indifferent, so is the world you're living in. absolutely nothing has any meaning or significance until you assign significance or meaning to it. if this was not the case, you would not be able to assume absolutely anything you want, and nobody would be able to come to their own conclusions, have different perspectives, and be different people.

you quite literally become who you are based off of your world views and upbringing. everyone is inherently shaped by their assumptions. everyone has been assuming for their entire lives. assuming is absolutely nothing new. you're just being shown that there is a different way to use your ability to assume.

this means that absolutely anything that happens is on you. the law has no bounds, no exceptions, no excuses, etc. again, it is simply a law that stating whatever you assume to be true will be true. you are the reason you don't have what you want yet, because you fail to follow one simple instruction: make an assumption.

instead of assuming, you approach manifestation with fickle beliefs and a need for validation. then you wonder why you don't have what you want.

you look around for and stressing over the appearance of something you're explicitly being told you have to assume is already there in order for it to materialize. you're failing to meet the singular requirement of the law: decide you have it already.

you can't not follow instructions and then wonder why something didn't work for you. in any context, that makes absolutely no sense. the answer is right in your fucking face, you did not assume. you spent your time waiting something to happen. don't you know what that implies? if you had your desire, why would you be waiting for something to show up? oh, right, because you don't have your desire. you decided it wasn't there, now you're waiting for something else to happen.

you're looking around expectantly for validation when you're literally being told that you have to be your own validation. you're being told that you are the only necessary validation, but you fail to accept that.

you guys seriously fail to understand that the law isn't about making things show up, even if that technically is the end goal. it's about assuming. your assumptions just also have the ability to change your life for the better, you're being shown how to utilize that ability.

you need to take the initiative and stop looking to your own reflection to show you something you aren't showing it. why would any mirror reflect something it isn't being shown?

you don't get what you want, you get what you assume you have. that's the whole point. you assume in your favor in order to have what you want.

you either have it or you don't. there is no in between. you either assume or don't, the law doesn't care. nobody cares. stay stuck and life will move on without you. nobody is coming to save you.

it's in your best interest to assume you have your desire, but nobody can force you to. this is something you have to grasp on your own and apply on your own. all we can do is help you achieve that.

you can continue to look outwards if believing in yourself and having some fucking confidence is too difficult for you, but you'll eventually realize (if you haven't already) that it's to no avail. it doesn't work.

you will never have what you want if you don't assume you already have it. the law of assumption will never work for you if you don't assume.

if you have an understanding of the law, please, do yourself a favor and learn to follow instructions. don't waste your time asking stupid questions.

[pinklayla123]

Putting this reply here because I want it and it saves me time to say the same thing.

So, you, an elriel, I presume, admit that what Elain and Azriel were about to do was indeed wrong? That Elain pursuing another guy while still having the bond with Lucien is not right? Elain who is not technically, but canonically, undeniably, irrefutably Lucien's mate. So you admit that what was about to happen in the first part of the chapter would have been wrong? That if Elain was so in love with Azriel and dying to be with him as Elriels believe she should at least say it to Lucien's face and reject him instead of staying ever in silence because no, a mating bond is not something that you can just ignore away? That there are not just political ramifications to consider but also how Lucien, who has been a literal darling all the time and described by several other characters as a good male, doesn't fucking deserve to be treated this way?

Hello, person behind ghost blog with randomly generated name, who sent a screenshot of a blog that evidently doesn't exist but is tagged in Elucien fanfictions.

First of all, thank you for sending this ask. This is the first time I've gotten a passive-aggressive fandom related ask like this, so this is low-key a tumblr milestone for me. So thank you for that.

I assume the screenshot included is someone's response to an ask they received in regards to this post since the wording is somewhat similar, but I can't actually find the blog you screenshot so idk what's up with that.

Now, onto the actual ask. The screenshot says "Did Azriel think anything about touching Elain feeling like touching the Mother herself? Lol, no." I believe this is referring to this sentence in my post "Touching Elain is the closest this man has come to meeting the Mother herself."

I did not mean to imply, in any way, shape, or form, that Azriel wants to get down and dirty with the Mother and is using Elain as a conduit for that kink. I simply meant to say that touching Elain was a very monumental experience for him. In the back of my head I was thinking about how he was literally questioning the Cauldron ("What if the cauldron was wrong?") which is a large part of the "religion" in Prythian, therefore anything that made him question it is undoubtedly a big deal for him. I see now that this wasn't very clear in the original post, so thank you for allowing me this opportunity to clarify my thought process.

Now, if I may, I will reply to the paragraph you went to the effort of actually typing out. Yes, I ship Elriel, you presume correctly. Do I think Elain and Azriel almost kissing is wrong? No, I'm afraid not.

This seems to be a follow-up to "The situation is wrong because Elain is technically mated to another guy who is literally sleeping upstairs." in my post. Is Elain wanting to kiss the man who has been nothing but kind and caring and gentlemanly since she's known him wrong? No I believe not.

Despite her canonically, undeniably, irrefutably being Lucien's mate, she actually does not owe him anything at all, least of all an explanation, because she did not make him any promises. She never went up to Lucien and said "I wanna explore this thing between us" and then go behind his back. If that were the case, yes it would be wrong. But alas, it is not.

I don't have it in me to go pull out the actual quote, but Rhys said in ACOWAR I believe that a female being a male's mate does not equal to her being accountable to him for every breath she takes. Elain is well within her right to not want to do anything at all with Lucien, as demonstrated by her being more than willing to kiss someone else in the same house.

Okay, if this isn't wrong, then why on earth did I say that it is? Easy. Because while Elain and Azriel are not doing anything wrong, their actions will be perceived as such by others and will have consequences far beyond the two of them.

On the topic of sweet darling Lucien, I wouldn't go as far to say he is one of my favorite characters, but I certainly don't hate him and would like to see him get a happy ending. However, he hasn't really done much for Elain to say he actually cares about her or wants a life-long relationship with her. His inner monologue consists of thinking Elain was "thrown" at him and he chooses to spend his days living with another woman on the other side of the world. Doesn't seem to me like either of them want jack and shit to do with each other.

p.s. Just because someone is a "good male" doesn't entitle them to anyone's time and affections, especially someone who has shown no interest in them and even seem to avoid them.

Anyways, sorry this got a little long. Have a nice day 😊😊

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #60 – Paved Paradise: How Parking Explains the World by Henry Grabar

This is a book I heard about because the cranky old communist who runs the local daily paper recommended it in some editorial I’ve long since forgotten the actual point of. Which is generally a very high-risk way to get book recommendations, but in this case it worked out! Though I came into this as the friendliest possible audience for the arguments Grabar is trying to make, so I’m genuinely not that sure how convincing a work it is for a less sympathetic reader. It is at least full of fun and somewhat memorable anecdotes.

The book is about, well, (almost) exactly what it says on the tin – the economics and politics and logistics of parking infrastructure in American cities. Specifically, how it is an all-consuming, economy-warping, environment-destroying, city-killing cancer that is the primary causes of decaying urban cores and the lack of affordable housing in gentrifying neighborhoods. The book is loosely organized, with each different chapter approaching the question of and ills caused by parking from a slightly different angle, or considering the history and psychology that has made it such a mighty force, or showing case studies of how different places have started fixing it.

The two main thrusts of the book are a) parking as an un- (which is to say privately-) regulated privilege and entitlement which the great mass of the American public expects to be provided for free (or for an at-most nominal fee) wherever they happen to want to go and b) parking as possibly the least efficient use of developed real estate in the world, and one that absolutely dominates most American cities.

The latter is a bit less interesting to me, just because it’s broadly things I either already knew or could have pretty quickly puzzled out from what I do. It’s still quite well-presented, and quite rage-inducing – the number of square miles of space set aside for the sole use of free parking on every urban street, the eye-watering amount of money cities spend and give up in revenue to subsidize driving and parking, the hundreds of thousands of units of housing whose economics don’t pencil out because of mandatory parking minimums or that are killed by neighbors and ‘community engagement’ out of (ostensible) concern over their effect on parking availability in the neighborhood, and so on. It’s all well-told, but none of it’s exactly groundbreaking (which Grabar is entirely forthright about, to be clear. A large chunk of the book is combination synopsis and advertisement for the older and more more rigorous The High Cost of Free Parking, also cited as one of the main reference texts).

The former is much more interesting reading for me, just because (as a lifelong and involuntary non-driver) the psychology of it is just a bit foreign to me. The sheer fact that so much parking is both free and unregulated means that instead of market pricing or government permitting all manner of fascinatingly dysfunctional private systems to allocate and ration it out develop instead. Fist fights and murders over stolen parking spots, the self-proclaimed vigilantes patrolling condo parking lots for anyone overstaying their welcome, outright criminal conspiracies and organized violence between ice cream truck companies over poaching each others most lucrative routes – many less morbid and attention-getting things too, to be fair, but it’s still all just fascinating. And if ‘explains the world’ is a bit much, does function as an excellent window into a great many neuroses and dysfunctions of American public life.

One of the points the book repeatedly hammers home is that ‘parking shortages’ are, except in a few extremely select neighborhoods, basically a myth. The parking is almost always there – the average American city has more free or subsidized parking spaces and lots than are filled (at least) 360 days of the year. Drivers just expect parking that is simultaneously no more than a couple blocks from their destination, available the moment they pull up, and (almost) free. Garages go half empty while thousands of road-miles are driven every month circling blocks looking for free spots – terrible for the climate, for the roads being driven on, and for traffic and the utility of driving through the city in the first place. Reducing or eliminating free curbside parking (either charging market-clearing rates, or using the real estate for loading zones or patio seating or any of a thousand other things that serve more people in a period than the same amount of parking) thus often makes traffic better, not worse.

This is very much a book written by a journalist rather than an academic, for both good and ill – not that it doesn’t seem densely researched or well-cited (the endnotes run north of 50 pages), but there’s definitely a prioritization of being approachable and readable over being detailed or rigorous. Hence every chapter having at least one and usually several interviews or deeply characterized anecdotes there to be case studies and examples. Sometimes this anecdotes are incredibly interesting and something I’d probably read a book entirely devoted to – the above mentioned New York City ice cream truck feuds, or the fascinatingly blatant and eye-popping amount of corruption around parking ticketing and violations also in NYC, or how the city of Chicago sold the right to operate all its parking meters through the end of the century to Morgan Stanley – but just as (if not more) often it’s just a few pages sketching a sympathetic portrait and life story of someone suffering the travails of some aspect of parking infrastructure so the reader will have someone to empathize with as the problem is described. A trick that does start t get old the more often it’s repeated.

The book’s long digressions into history were (perhaps unsurprisingly) more interesting for me than the contemporary anecdotes. Partially just because the evolution of things like the car garage and how public streets are conceived of is always interesting to learn more about, and partially because of just how long we have at this point known about things like ‘induced demand’ and the various morbid inefficiencies of car-first, -only and -always culture. Literally generations! It's bleak.

Though having said that, this was funnily enough one of the only works of nonfiction I can remember reading in a long, long time that ended on a positive note in a way that didn’t sound like transparent cope. As is mandatory in all works of pop-sociology, -economics or -poli-sci, this one also ends in a chapter or two of examples of Doing It Right and ways society can fix itself going forward. Grabar just actually weaves together a narrative through most of the book of a slowly-increasing pushback and growing political coalitions who are (in the book’s framing) more interested in cheaper housing and more usable public space than traffic jams and parking lots. The COVID lockdowns and sudden need for as much outdoor space as possible – leading to parking lots being repurposed as church pews, curbside parking as patio seating, and a dozen other things – serve as a case in point. The book ends reiterating the point that the USA’s most desirable and expensive neighbourhoods are very often the ones that are dense and walkable enough (and/or sufficiently well-served by public transit) to comfortably live in without owning a car, and the confident belief that such neighbourhoods are only going to grow more common.

All that said, Grabar’s actually much more sympathetic to the pro-car, pro-parking viewpoint than most authors or pundits I have seen make similar points are. Sometimes to a mildly cringe-inducing ‘no don’t run, I promise I’m normal like you!’ way, being entirely honest. But then, one can at least hope that it helps the book actually function as a persuasive text instead of so much elegant preaching to the choir.

[narfin-frood]

Silly question but how do you art?

Or more like, how is your process to draw? Your lines and posing are so loose and show the feeling of a character so well, like, how do you make your art so real with only a few lines is what most amaze me. Anyway I hope I'm not bothering you and that makes sense, thanks for reading!<3

you're not a bother, don't worry! i'm not sure if there's an appropriately concise answer to a question like this, but i'll try to explain my process for poses a bit, and if there's anything else specific you'd like to know about my process, feel free to ask, and i'll try to answer!

for posing, i find it's very helpful to start by thinking about what situation the character is in. you don't need a location or a background or anything (unless you're being #serious about it). for this, i chose "picking up something way too heavy" (cont. under cut, wall of text ahead)

keeping it very simple is key!!! do not worry about details!!! i am very bad at this. i love to add a little detail or two, like his eyes or his little expression, but i have to catch myself before i get too into it, otherwise i'll forget the point of what i was doing and/or get bored. use just enough strokes to get the point across, and stop there (for now).

i draw fast and loose, with long strokes, which also happens to help with the problem that happens if you start with any specific part of the body. it's important to start with... everything at once, or else you won't be able to see what needs to be changed or fixed until it's too late and you've already decided on where you want the head and the left arm to be!

to display effort & strain without just contorting the character's face, you gotta think about just how heavy the object is, how one would go about grabbing it comfortably, and whether your character is smart enough to lift with their legs.

wander is great (read: BEST CHARACTER DESIGN EVAR. i love him kisskisskiss) because he's not grounded in any sort of reality until necessary, and his limbs have no bones, but he still has specific proportions and volumes to refer back to if you get carried away with the wackiness. posing a character made up of several noodles of varying widths is very simple, because you can do basically whatever you want to push and pull and make it as clear (and/or as funny) as possible.

start with your line of action, in this case the long line connecting his neck and his left foot. think about where the floor is, so you can make the feet of your character and whatever else is touching it coexist in the same reality. think about clarity: big, simple shapes are your friends, and if you're not getting the gist of the pose through the silhouette alone, try again! there's NO shame in hiding the first layer and doing a couple more sketches until you land on something you really like. Don't polish a turd, especially if you yourself think it's a turd. it'll make you feel like you're wasting time, and drawing is about having fun and experimenting, so if it's getting boring or frustrating, it's time to try something else.

wander and other characters with no bones and no rules are great for posing because you can do things like make their arms bend the wrong way just to play with the clarity of the pose. this:

un-breaks the arms and makes a little more sense for somebody with elbows, but some clarity in the action is lost when the arms don't curve upward and away from the very heavy object he's straining to pick up.

grounding your characters is both more complex and easier than it sounds, and it unfortunately requires you to think about perspective (i know. i know. i know it sucks and it's confusing. i hated it for a very long time but once it clicks, you'll have it in your brain forever)

fudging a perspective grid is fairly easy, just draw several parallel lines and have them get closer to each other as they recede into the distance, and then do it again in the opposite direction. you can use the transform tool in whatever program you use most to fudge this for even less effort, by just getting a png of a grid and fucking with it

now that you've got your floor, think about those feet. the grid makes it fairly easy to envision how a shoe would look sitting on that floor:

this is also where having an understanding of volumes comes in handy, because things farther in the distance will in fact look smaller, but it's up to you to figure out just how much smaller it would be in comparison to the other identical thing with the same volume that's closer to the camera. usually it's almost negligible, but it becomes easy to spot if it's a little off.

and here's the pose i settled on! i made his noodle arms more extreme for extra XD factor and i put him on his tippy toes for that extra bit of height!

a lot of the principles i'm talking about in this post i mainly pick up from consciously watching my favorite cartoons (and live action shows) and if i really, really like the way something is done, or if i see something that i've never really registered before, i'll screencap it or i'll pause or i'll just keep thinking about it until i draw again.

this is called "building a visual library" and it's the #1 easiest and most important way to practice. it requires no drawing, unless you want it to. look at lots of art by artists you love, and if you see something and you think to yourself, hey, this looks really good, by all means, absorb it.

art is great and it's really fun and there's literally nothing wrong with taking inspiration where you can find it!! seriously!!! absorb your favorite parts of every art style you find cool and fun and put it into your own! you're the only person who can draw the way you draw, and while replicating an art style is fairly easy (or it can be, depending), matching it perfectly is Literally impossible, so don't worry about being derivative. Nobody will notice, and if they do, it's okay to say you're inspired by them! encouraged, even!

my own art style, like everybody else's, is a frankenstein's monster containing all of the things i've loved before!!! and i think thats beautiful and if anybody tries to tell you you've gotta be 100% original and have "your very own style", they're a filthy liar and they're definitely (consciously or not) already taking inspiration and reference from the things they themselves find cool and awesome.

ANYWAY. wall of text over.

TLDR: draw quickly, use long strokes (try not to pet your lines), have a specific situation to put your character in, get familiar with volumes and proportions, and have fun!!!

[thisismyhell]

Professor Hotchner (Part 1)

Author's Note: im shamelessly in love with this man, sue me. This is part 1 because i was getting tired and it was getting super long. part 2 soon tho :)

Summary: you are Hotch's former psych student and hes asked you to guest lecture. of course you say yes, and of course he loves to watch you take over the room.

Shameless flirting, age gap, older prof hotch and student reader, use of y/n, two idiots.

Words: 1.8K

_____________________________________________

Coming back to campus to visit filled a void in your body. It took so much of your life to complete your Master’s, leaving the school and never returning was never in your plan. That being said, returning to the school for the purpose of being a guest lecturer was also not in your plan. 

Professor Hotchner had reached out to you and some other former students to come visit his freshman psychology class and provide some real world experience stories. It seemed that the students would only listen to his experience so much without asking personal questions he wasn’t prepared to answer. Before his classes finals, you were coming to guest lecture the students and fill in the blanks that his stoicism created. 

You arrived on campus just after lunch and knocked on Hotch’s office door, ready to see him for the first time in years. He was one of your favourite professors, if not the favourite. He was so smart and inquisitive, always encouraging you and the other students to ask as many questions as you wished, even staying extra hours to attend one-on-one sessions to make sure everyone understood the material well enough to confidently pass. 

Hotch opens the door, and you look up at his imposing eyes and witness how they soften when he recognizes you. He conceals a grin, but you notice and return the favour. “Y/n, I was hoping you would make it” he says through a tight lipped smile. “Of course, I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to try and impress my favourite professor again”. He bows his head to hide his blush, and you’re too in your own head to notice it. “Please y/n, you can call me Aaron. We’re equals now”. “We definitely are not, but I appreciate it, Aaron”. You put your hand out to shake his, and he gives in even though the motion is ridiculous. He’s humouring you, trying to make you feel less like a past student and more like a new colleague. Even though you are technically in the same field, he still feels the desire to almost protect you, regardless of the cases he knows you have worked at this point and the violence you have seen. 

“Let me show you to the lecture hall. I know you have a tight schedule and don’t want to waste your time”. He’s so gracious with you, understanding what it’s like to have the deadlines and commitments that you do now. He’s retired from the FBI and only serves as a professor now, but he remembers his sleepless nights and need for a go-bag. “You could neve waste my time, Aaron. I’m happy to be here and I have a clear schedule to be here”. He puts his hand on the small of your back and leads you down the hall. You can smell his cologne, the same scent you remember from his office hours. The hallway becomes crowded and you huddle closer to him to not lose direction, and he welcomes your presence against his large frame.

Once you arrive in his lecture hall, he helps you set up your laptop in order to guide your presentation, explaining he will click through the slides for you as you talk. You don’t need him to do this, and there is a remote that you could use yourself, but you like having him be a part of your presentation. If he could stand up beside you for an hour you would welcome it, but you don’t want to seem incompetent either. 

The class quickly enters the hall and takes their seats, proving to you that Hotch has maintained his drill sergeant tendencies unto his students. They all greatly respect him and you can tell. Once they have all sat down and opened their laptops, he stands up in front and they are all quiet, ready to listen and obey. “Class, today we have a guest as I mentioned last week. She is an accomplished profiler in the FBI who can hold her own in the field, and I am honoured to have her speak to you all today about her real world experience. I am also honoured to once have had her as a student, who once sat right in this room only a few years ago. Please give a warm welcome to Agent y/l/n, and give her the same respect that you give me”. 

The class applauds and you blush, smitten over your introduction. “Thank you Aaron, what a wonderful way to start my first guest speaking opportunity”. You go through your slides and tell some of your favourite stories from the field, and emphasise how hard you had to work to get to where you are now. You paid close attention to the women in the room, always taking precedence over their questions first. Hotch didn’t dare chime in unless directly asked, respecting your place as the lecturer for today. 

You enjoyed speaking to the students, and every once in a while you glanced over to where Hotch was sitting in the second row, appreciating you. His large frame looked even bigger in the small student seats, seeming even more imposing if that was possible. Once you opened the floor to questions you calmed down and let yourself relax more to come across as more human. That was something Hotch had taught you before. You were wearing a black pencil skirt with nylons and sensible pumps, matching the look with a black turtleneck that hugged your figure. Since you were the youngest in your department, you wanted to come off as more mature than you thought necessary so you could establish some dominance. This was also Hotch’s idea when he found out about your FBI interview. 

You were definitely getting in your own head, because you were starting to heat up. With Hotch’s eyes on you it was almost like he was the only person in the room that could see you, and he was taking advantage of his sight point. He could see all of you from the second row, and if you asked him, he could smell you from there too. Since he opened the door for you only a couple hours ago, he couldn’t get your perfume out of his head. It was making him dizzy having you so close but so far. He had great respect for you, you had always stood out amongst your peers. You always took advantage of his office hours, and more often than not he found himself feeling claustrophobic behind his desk with you looking at him the way you always did. 

He loved watching you take control of the room, his room. You spoke so eloquently and professionally, he felt so proud. He felt proud that he taught you, but he felt more proud that he knows you, and that you know him. If he was still at the FBI he would feel almost intimidated by you and the way you could handle yourself. You never needed help, but he knew he would get on his hands and knees to find your contact lens for you if you asked. And he would love it. 

By the end of the lecture you are starting to think Hotch is checking you out, but you can’t be sure. You’ve always had a crush on the man, how could you not? He respects you and he knows how smart you are. He doesn't feel threatened by a strong woman, and he even admitted when he was wrong about something to you. Hotch would never admit this, but on more than one occasion, he would explain something in a false manner so that you would correct him on it. He loved having you raise your hand in his class and call him out on a false statement, whether it was a definition or a fact from a previous case he worked. He wanted you to feel smart in every room you were in, because you are smart. He didn’t want your confidence to falter just because he was a man at the front of the room, he was egging you on to stand up for yourself and others. 

Sitting back and watching you run the place was getting him off and he wasn’t sure what to make of that. The time was up, and Hotch dismissed his students. They politely filed out of the room, but one boy was hanging back to ask you a question at the front. He made himself look busy so the student could have a conversation, but he was still listening. “Y/n, your lecture was just amazing. I know you work for the FBI, are you in town often?”. 

“I am, I actually live in the city and commute. It’s not that difficult when you have the resources. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, I was just wondering because I know it can be stressful for a woman to travel so often. Does your boyfriend ever help you out? I just didn’t see a ring on your finger.”

Hotch grimaced, falling victim to this boy’s poor excuse at flirting with you. 

“No I don’t have a boyfriend, but I am more than capable of handling myself, thank you.”

“That’s a shame, you’re a very smart and beautiful woman. You know, I’m actually looking to join the FBI some time too, maybe you could help me out some time? Maybe over a drink you can tell me-”

You cut the boy off before he fumbles even harder, “listen, I really don’t think this is an appropriate conversation. You should probably go to your next class before you say something stupid”. 

The boy grimaces but leaves, taking your rejection. You turn around to Hotch to gather your things, but notice his face. “Something wrong, Aaron?”

“That was just very tough to watch. Sorry about that.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, he was just a kid shooting his shot, no harm done.”

You hold your bag over your shoulder and Hotch comes closer to you, “okay good, I’d hate to feel bad for him”. 

You blush and go to leave, but you realize you have forgotten your phone. Looking around for it, Hotch realizes your mistake. “Y/n, I think you may have left it in my office. I’ll walk back with you and we can grab it before I call you a cab”. He wants to call you a cab? You’re hoping to make your visit last longer, so you walk a little slower next to him on the way to his office. He notices but doesn’t point it out, enjoying walking beside you. He’s also enjoying being seen with you, a beautiful young woman who excels in her field. A field he used to be in, and he knows you would be bossing him around by now if he was still in the FBI. He’s too busy thinking about you raising your voice at him that he doesn’t realize you’ve reached his office until you point it out. “Oh, sorry y/n. I must have zoned out. Keeps happening with age”. You grin at him, “don’t worry Aaron, your age doesn’t bother me”.

[meanbossart]

re: Vellioth as the stepfather its interesting bc stepfathers n media (and irl but limiting myself to tropes here) hav the practical role and obligations we tend to ascribe to fathers ie providing money and protection and being the head of the household, but do not share a blood tie to the child in question. and it is seen as magnanimous for a man to "take on the duty" of providing ofr the children of the woman he's with, rather than duty. This shifts also means that implicitly the stepchild should be grateful for this new patriarch in their life, which is complicated because most often this stepfather occupies a place of control. In cazador's caze i feel like bc there was no father to speak of, his resentment of vellioth as The Stepfather had more to do with intruding and vying for attention from the woman they both love, rather than usurping the OG father. Come to think of it, having no experience with a father figure before vellioth probably made the shift to a patriarch that more jarring. And considering that he positions himself s the Father of his spawns, he probably modelled a lot on Vellioth (or in antithesis of).

ultimately velloith did what stepchildren often fear secretly most: intruding, appropriating, and evnetually the destruction of the family unit as it was

I might not have expressed myself super well in that reply- I was comparing Vellioth to a step father in the same way people loosely compare Cazador to a patriarch/abusive partner. I certainly didn't mean it to be literal - neither in the comic I referenced or in my personal headcanon (which are functionally identical) does Vellioth ever actually inhabit the role of a surrogate dad in Cazador's life. Rather, that is the perception that he's vaguely trying to sell to others to maintain the ruse.

I clear this up because I am (personally) not of the belief that Vellioth and Cazador ever had a relationship outside of the dynamics of master and slave, which might be a little more simple than you were hoping for, based on this ask (unless I'm misreading, in that case ignore me LOL)

But if we're speaking strictly in allegory - yes. Vellioth makes for a specially juicy satire of a step-father who intrudes, disrupts, and yet overvalues themselves for doing the least on the basis of being there by choice rather than obligation (keeping Cazador alive as a spawn when he could have just killed him off) but I don't think any part of him is doing that under the false pretense of charity - he only wants to keep Cazador around to hurt him, because that would hurt his mother.

(Something I also neglected to say is that in De Rerum Natura ((not spelled out in the comic explicitly, but stated so as a headcanon of the very smart and handsome author)) Cazador was never meant to become a vampire. That was a fate his mother very much did not want for him.)

And, perhaps, every vampire lord harbors a little self-destructive desire. If you don't invest a non-negligible amount of time and energy into making ONE particular guy super mad at you, who is ever going to finally put you out of your misery after all!

EITHER WAY this image you sent me is still very good and thank you for sending it LOL (art by @barbatusart)

[livi-in-digital-circus]

The Abuse || a short Bunnydoll angsty story

I wrote this only because I'm having worse days now (also I started writing the new fic but I'm already stuck at the beginning of TwT)

TW: abuse

Through the glass wall of the infirmary, Ragatha stared at the guests of the Digital Circus. Once in a while, people from the real world had the chance to meet their favorite characters in person, not knowing that they were actually normal humans just like them. It was unfair that they could go home the moment their visit ended. But that was what the circus was all about. Every single member of the crew was an animal trapped in a cage, released only to perform silly and often dangerous acts.

And since Caine was especially busy when they had visitors, Ragatha couldn’t ask him to help her get back to her pristine self. Instead, she had to spend the entire day under the care of a nurse-like NPC who stuffed her with more pills, like painkillers, hour after hour. Even though the rag doll didn’t seem to have any bones in her plush body, she felt like her bruised arm was broken. Not to mention that she had vomited at least three times that day and felt dizzy all the time.

It was a pure torture.

The girls in the main area were loud enough for Ragatha to hear what they were saying, so she leaned carefully against the wall. Due to her current state, she wasn’t allowed to greet the visitors. After all, Caine had to keep the reputation of the circus at its best, and if anyone found out there was a serious case of abuse going on behind the scenes, he would lose everything he had worked on for years.

“Did you see the way he looked at me? I’m definitely his type!” One of the girls exclaimed. Her digital avatar resembled a cute Lolita-style doll, making her look like an innocent angel. Another one, Ragatha thought.

“It’s a good thing we didn’t mention our shrines full of his limited merch.” The other said, her cat ears and tail moving on their own from time to time. “But then again, who wouldn’t want lots of Jax for themselves?”

Ragatha trembled. These two clearly had no idea who they were talking about. Judging by their behavior and appearance, they were mostly underage and delusional. The rag doll looked at her arm again. She should be jealous, it was her boyfriend who was the center of attention that day.

Instead, she felt anger, especially when she heard the girls mention all the things they wanted Jax to do to them. Ragatha smiled bitterly to herself, the familiar metallic taste tickling her tongue. She had lived too long in the circus to understand today’s teenagers. Some of them were born into rich families and had everything they could wish for. It could be anything, like an expensive dress worn by many famous models, or a bottle of sweet-smelling limited edition perfume. And yet they chose to be used by none other than Jax.

Little do they know that he is a real abuser.

And abuse is not something you should wish for.

Year after year, the rabbit became more mentally unstable. Several times he promised Ragatha that he would change, that he would try to be a better boyfriend. She was very proud of Jax when he managed to go a whole week without hurting her. But when she was about to visit him in his room after one of their adventures to watch a movie, she found him torturing the little version of herself that she had made for him to hug when he felt alone.

Caine had no idea how to fix Jax. His first assumption was that he would soon abstract, but Ragatha quickly shook her head. That had been going on for a long time, with no clear signs of improvement. However, she didn’t feel any hatred for Jax, even though she was sore and bruised the last few days. She knew it was because of his poor mental health and that inside he was still the bunny she had fallen in love with.

The girls disappeared from her view after a while. Ragatha groaned as she made her way back to bed. All she wanted was to fall asleep and wake up the next day. The moment her head touched the pillow, she heard someone enter the infirmary.

“Feeling better?” Jax sat on the edge of the bed, his gloved hand gently stroking the bandage on the rag doll’s cheek. Ragatha shivered, yet her lover’s soothing touch was all she needed at the moment.

“Still a little sore, but it’s okay. Did you enjoy the meeting with the viewers?”

“Not really, this group was annoying as hell.”

“I don’t like what those girls said about you.” Though Ragatha didn’t want to tell him exactly what. She knew Jax felt bad after each time he lost control and hurt her, and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable now that he was temporarily sane again.

Jax let out a soft laugh and pressed his lips to Ragatha’s forehead. God, she loved his kisses so much.

“I actually brought you something to drink. You must be thirsty after I… you know.”

Ragatha gladly accepted the water bottle and began to pour the liquid into her mouth. But just as she was about to stop, she felt Jax’s hands suddenly tighten around her neck, causing her to cough and choke. The taste of water and blood mixed sickeningly in her mouth.

Jax knew it was only a matter of time before she started vomiting all over the circus from the ‘water’ he gave her.

Everyone told Ragatha to break up with Jax, but she was too kindhearted to do that. He was mentally ill and she wanted to help him. She hoped that one day everything would be okay, that her boyfriend would overcome this.

And before that happens, she would be tortured in many more different ways for the next few weeks, months, or maybe even years.

Still, Ragatha would manage to survive all this. It was impossible to die in Digital Circus after all.

Thanks for reading!

(I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me for writing this ;-;)

[templeofdionysus]

Hermes once told me that most arguments stem from one or two root causes- a difference in core principles or a miscommunication.

For example, we will stand up to people who try to debate human rights. We will argue to protect the defenseless and our community. This is a core principle of our organization.

Outside of core beliefs, most arguments are caused by miscommunications and can be cleared up pretty easily. Shakespeare’s “The Comedy of Errors” comes to mind.

Running any sort of organization is a lot of work. It requires community engagement and connecting with people. In case you hadn’t noticed, people are messy and complex. We’re all just doing our best and sometimes our members make mistakes.

To build community we have to communicate and when we communicate- we will make mistakes. When we receive communication- we will make mistakes. It’s a part of being human.

All of this to say that if you have an issue with someone or something in the community- PLEASE reach out to our leadership right away. We cannot address your concerns if we do not know about them. You can always email Dionysus@TempleofDionysus.org or use the contact forms on our website http://www.templeofdionysus.org

We take community feedback seriously and we want to make sure that the community is a safe and accessible place.

We’re also a signed member of the Xenia Declaration.