#also ive been on several media too! looking for friends!

[heyiwannabefae]

might rearrange my blog

and also come back to orv maybe? i kinda miss my guys

[cattocavo]

So I’ve been tagged in six sentence sunday!

I’ve never done these before and I’m not very active on here so i wouldnt know who to tag in response (although if any of you are fine with being tagged, please write to me! Id love to hear what everyone’s doing, and make some new friends!!

Since I last posted on tumblr I’ve finished all the inktober drawings I planned to draw. They’re all posted on my instagram, but I’m severely behind on posting here😅 tumblr is great but I cannot for the life of me shake off the awkwardness that comes with posting on another media that isn’t my preferred one. But if anyone who doesnt have instagram wants to see the rest just lmk and I’ll post them!

Other than inktober I haven’t really done anything.. i wanted to draw something for valentines, and got an idea a day before which is obviously WAY too little time to finish anything. And well, then valentines day passed and I no longer had a deadline.. so I didn’t finish it. I cannot for the life of me finish anything without a deadline. (Literally realized like 4 days ago that ive basically never finished a high-effort illustration without a deadline or someone relying on me😵‍💫 which kinda sucks ngl)

But since six sentence sundays are for wips, I guess I can show it to y’all what i drew for valentines!

So heres the concept (which is almost better than the finished result will be. I didn’t manage sultry Simon’s facial expression very well in the actual drawing😭 he just looks annoyed instead of ‘sexy’)

Aaannnd this is a wip of the actual drawing:

I really might end up redoing sultry Simon’s face, cuz it just isn’t working. I wanted the “expectation” side to like be the baz vision equivalent of some sexy male models slicked in oil and faces all squinty and lip-bitey. I didn’t want there to be a trace of an actual person, only the vision of “hot” so an annoyed simon with a bow will not do :/

Sidenote about simons shirt: eat the rich more like swallow the rich amirite?

I have this dumbass obsession with putting simon in ugly T shirts where theres printed the most ridiculous quotes on. I have a whole pinterest board on it. I tastefully called it “simons questionable taste in fashion”

(It’s all dumbass crop tops and tiny shirts with big chunky shoes. Idk I just love that on him)

But uhh I think that’s all for now! Thank you for tagging me @thewholelemon and @j-nipper-95 for tagging me a lot of previous times where i didn’t do anything bc i was shy😅

See you all next time!

Also idk if people put tags on SSS but I’m just gonna do that bc its what I’m used to

[ye-oldroderich]

Hi i saw a friend of mine do art of ur wiz ocs and kindly i wpuld love to hear more about them. Nonhuman ocs in wiz r so fun

OMG YAAAAAY i love talking about my ocs so bad ..... WAHH. prepare for a long yap sesh

More art of them from last(?) year's art fight by my friend @mister-geuse <3 ily tutt

I love Insaf and Rund they're my little guys im so glad so many people like them too 😭 when i make ocs for media i like to try and explore things that help to flesh out the world more and wizzy has SO many nonhuman peoples and there's just so much you can do ... no shade to people with human ocs of course. but personally i like exploring different things with each character i make

Krokotopia is one of my favorite worlds because i'm old and i like lizard people. it isnt without criticism (LOTS of criticism) though. i dont think ive ever seen another mander oc before (although i havent looked *that* hard, theres probably some out there!) so they were my go-to when making an oc from that world.

Insaf loves history! especially the history of magic in her world. she's often frustrated after she comes to wizard city and the library doesn't have much information on krokotopia's history, let alone things about her culture or anything before the krok dynasties came to power. after being Alhazred's student, she finds Arthur Wethersfield's teaching suuuuper lackluster in comparison. she corrects things he says about Balance magic in her mind. Insaf would be an "um, actually" girl if she wasn't nerfed with a severe anxiety disorder LMAO

she's actually really easy to anger but is just so adept at bottling it that she never shows it. this girl wants to rage so badly. magic is her outlet. she's a bit of a wildcard during duels since shes small and unassuming but VERY quickly becomes very aggressive with lots of offensive spells. she got a broomstick when she moved to wizard city but sucks at riding it and is pretty embarrassed about it (her tail throws her off-balance). she also has a pet chameleon in her dorm! its name is Sheba.

Now for Rund. i love birds and dinosaurs and corvids so a raven was a must-have for me as an oc. also its fun to put your characters through the horrors (ie a cult) and Rund definitely gets the brunt of it lmao. i haven't really ever made a character dealing with amnesia because its such a cheap plot cliché and its never done accurately to how amnesia actually works as like. a nuerological condition. so with Rund i've been really researching how it actually works so that i can portray it well.

amnesia is still not very well understood because the brain is so silly and complicated but if i were to label her with something it'd be pure retrograde amnesia. after her head injury, she can't really remember much at all about herself, and isn't familiar with ravenscar or anyone there. she CAN remember how to use runes, though, and other "muscle-memory" things. after she's sent to wizard city to recover, she starts getting some memories back over time (mostly information she got while reading, and some personal details) but memories specifically retaining to the Coven are much harder for her to remember.

Rund is also autistic (both she and Insaf are) and has some other underlying conditions that were exacerbated by both her head injury and the traumatic stress she was under. she has both motor and vocal tics, and doesn't speak much outside of echoalia. she's very easily overwhelmed so she sticks to less crowded and quieter places, which are hard to find in wizard city ... its why she and insaf hang out by the death school LMAO. no one else is ever there.

Rund uses runestones instead of a spelldeck, just like a lot of people in Grizzleheim traditionally do. she likes to shake the bag and hear them clinking together. her mount is a Death Vortex, and i rationalize it as like ... her turning into a cloud to zip around (usually so she can get on top of something and perch up there). she likes having her hood up so she can block out stimuli. Rund knows people look at her differently, which is part of why she avoids most people. she doesn't really know how to feel about being sent to Ravenwood, but supposes its better than the alternative ... though she misses Grizzleheim's snow.

Rund and Insaf met when they were assigned partner on a death class project. neither of them really had friends before that at ravenwood. Insaf doesn't expect anything of Rund or judge her for things she can't control. Likewise, Rund doesn't judge Insaf for having "unsightly" feelings, and can relate to it. they both like yapping about magic and history, and take turns talking at eachother. they have library dates where they go and point out flaws in the literature (hater activity). they're their own best company.

[rotating-hyperfixations]

Not to yap on the internet (I.e ramble for several paragraphs incoherently), but Ive been rewatching Paper Girls recently and subsequently thinking how important it is to have queer relationships at age appropriate level(s) for tweens and teens. While there were queer relationships on TV while I was growing up in the 2000s and 2010s, they were never really around my age bracket and really none that discussed how they came to terms with their sexuality, although that’s a slightly different discussion. Sure, there were shows like Glee that featured relationships that resonated with me and storylines that resonated with me that either were queer or queer coded (@Quinn Fabray). But I was too young to fully grasp the full story, and I think that’s the case for a lot of kids; especially in that middle school age bracket.

Even watching as an adult, I can recognize a lot of my younger self in KJ and Mac. I didn’t like to wear dresses or skirts, but were forced into them by my parents as it was the socially acceptable thing to wear for a young girl. I had traditionally masculine interests and in childhood a lot of my clothes were boys shirts that my parents were willing to deem as gender neutral. I knew I didn’t like boys, and didn’t understand the whole crush phase my friends had, but regularly thought things like “well if we were dating I’d do that better or different”. I knew that I was different from friends, but didn’t have any real reference to point to help kind of use as a reference point, so I just assumed I was a late bloomer and it’s come eventually and I’d be in to clothes or makeup and like boys in the way my friends did but it never did. Sure, by the time high school rolled around I knew that there was a strong possibility that I was gay (it’s really quite embarrassing the amount of indicators I tried to explain away), I saw more of myself in shows like Glee that featured queer relationships, but still starting that conversation earlier through media and having examples of characters that were like me probably would’ve saved me some mental anguish and stress in my teen and young adult years.

Kids have “romantic” (and I use that term very loosely) feelings at a pretty young age for the opposite gender and not. There’s plenty of media out there that explores young relationships between two straight teenagers, and way too many episodes of tv I watched growing up had episodes that strictly focused on a girl who was in her “boy-crazy” era. Having storylines that parallel the stage they are at in life, is going to help a ton of kids out in the long run, and also I think help some parents come to terms with queer kids. Ultimately the more you normalize something, the more people will probably come to accept it and stop looking at it as an “other”.

Anyway, this is my long-winded way of saying that Paper Girls made me very emotional on my rewatch and young queer kids get to see themselves reflected in media in a way that mirrors their current experiences (especially young girls, because wlw are definitely not featured as relationships between men/boys). Watching a bunch of teen girls didn’t make me straight and stop me from having recurring dreams about kissing and being in relationships with girls, and it’s not going to stop future kids either.

[smiggles]

This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.

I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.

But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.

Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.

I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.

But that's up to you now.

Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.

Read more below

Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could. I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you. But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do. For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves. I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most. As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience. If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer. In the end Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.

[spacesymbol]

anyways HI. its been uhh... two weeks since last post but about a month since any actual life updates. so im gonna do... that!

gonna split this one into tumblr specific updates and personal updates since i figure the latter is a little less important to some people. not trying to sound mean there, i get the feeling!

anyways, tumblr specific updates!

the big update is that i completely revamped my carrd. theres a lot more text now, and the layout doesnt look as good on mobile as it does on desktop, but i still like how it looks a lot better than the previous version.

i also added a new tag to my pinned. the tag is just this 📁 emoji, and its sort of a catchall tag for posts about media that i like. since i got rid of alter tags a while ago and i dont really like tagging specific franchises, i figured this works better for now.

my pinned post was also updated to reflect this change, and theres even a new tag guide/explanation!

okay now for the more personal life related updates. theres a LOT you have been warned!

where did i last leave off... right, the delaware trip! okay well i say that as if a lot happened on that trip. which is incorrect.

the only real big thing about the delaware trip was that i was kind of suffering for the whole trip since i had just been put back on adhd medication, and the dosage was WAY too high so my body did not adjust well at all and i was having like horrific symptoms for the whole week. and i wish i could truthfully say that the dosage of that medication is sorted out now but i cant!!!! 🥲

in the four days between the end of the delaware trip and the first day of school i went to a friends belated birthday party... which was the only time i hung out with any of my friends for the entire summer actually. but the party was still fun...!!

the rest of the updates are gonna be school related. since the next significant thing after that party was the first day of senior year.

my classes have all been manageable so far. i think the stress is definitely going to pile up soon with college application deadlines swiftly approaching, but the impending reality of that hasnt really set in yet. it is definitely nice to be taking classes i genuinely enjoy this year, even if the coursework is difficult!

i dont remember how much ive talked about my social standing at school on here but tldr it sucks. i dont have any genuinely close friends or a dedicated friend group that enjoys my presence at all. something something the we should call fiona interview quote... thats basically described my social situation for the past several months.

in terms of theater. hoo boy. well you see, our drama teacher (and shows producer) is on maternity leave. and not only did she switch the order of plays and musicals again (the fall show is a play this year), but she chose two plays for us to do this fall.

basically both shows are one act plays with no real lead roles since the scenes arent connected at all. performances will go like: show one, intermission, show two. and the "no lead roles" thing would be great except for the fact that this is one of my two senior theater productions with this school and i would like the chance to earn bigger roles, you know?

anyways auditions came and went and the cast list was released last thursday. and you will never guess who one of my romantic scene partners is. well. its my ex 😁👍

i mean besides the fact that i have to pretend to swoon over my ex, im really happy with my roles. i got double cast in one of the plays as opposed to one role in each play, and i like the play i got double cast in a lot better. and i only auditioned with two scenes from that play, and got cast in both of those scenes that i auditioned with, so i assume the director really liked my auditions?

also one of the scenes im in (not the one with my ex) is fully just an internalized homophobia turned "dude i think i love you" scene and its just SUCH a good scene. i really like my scenes and characters, i am just rightfully worried about rehearsing a romantic scene with my ex for two months...! but it will be fine. probably

okay this is getting REALLY long but uhhh general not-life-related updates.

undertale day!!! we split a chara less than 24 hours after the newsletter dropped 👍

my cats fifth birthday was last wednesday!!!!!! i could write a whole essay about how much this tiny beast means to me but just know i love her lots okay?

okay. okay. i THINK thats everything i have to say. uhh this is the part of the post where i talk about future tumblr updates and status.

idk. idk!!!!!!!!! the stress and busyness of senior year is kind of starting to get to me a bit so i might just disappear for a few months. or maybe ill continue updates every couple of weeks or every month.

i definitely want to return to posting here as regularly as i used to, but i always either avoid it for some reason or have other things i need to be doing instead. so whos to say how active ill be! i definitely dont know!

[httpiastri]

JACKIE YOU GOT IT RIGHT OMG but now i’ve just been made really curious as to which part of that previous ask gave it away (was it the 2022 mention? that would kinda make sense, i think)

the synchronicities with pepe are all insane?? some of mine are just outright weird but like even your pokemons situation is so cool because it all makes me feel so 😵‍💫🌟💫 because i love knowing that everything and everyone is interwoven and connected yk? and about pepe being represented by a lotus flower… honestly pepe has surprised me sm since i first found out about him because sometimes he just ends up liking certain things i don’t expect him to all because he’s a driver and stuff like if he ended up being secretly spiritual with little good luck rituals or whatever i wouldn’t be surprised anymore and i LOVE that about him (i also love him)

and AAAAAAA omg the pepe shaving blurb had me feeling so 😊😊 too like the details in it are so essential to the plot and it effectively launched me even deeper into the pepe obsession because how could you just casually write about hugging him from behind and not expect me to go absolutely insane

also there was a point of time where i had every pepe tag hidden for me from any social media platform because just his name or face would have me going so insane and my only way to tackle that was to hide him from myself so if that doesn’t say enough about me idk what will 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

and being able to call him dorky?? AAAAAAA my pepe happens to be a little cocky so idk if ill get to say that anytime soon but one day i will 🤞🤞

AND THE FACT THAT A PEPE EDITOR IS ON YOUR BLOG TOO?? IM SO 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 I LOVED THAT EDIT BECAUSE OF THE MUSIC CHOICE SINCE I HAD A HALSEY PHASE A FEW YEARS AGO so to the editor: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

p.s. i love getting your replies too!! it literally fuels me through the day and i’m so grateful that you’ve been so sweet and accepting of me while supporting my pepe obsession (and even contributing to it, to be fair)

- 🪷💗

okay this got way too long because i spiraled so im putting the little cut thing here :))) im so sorry

yay yay yay !!! pls lmk if you think im like outing you too much here if you wanna keep a secret profile bcs then ill delete some of this, but like it was kind of because of the 2022 part? but mostly bcs of the spirituality part!! because i remembered that when i posted a couple of pepe gifs months ago, i saw your reblog of them and thought like "oh! pepe fan!! i like this person already" and i started looking through your blog 🤭 and like omg i must say, about your like manifestation post…. im very good at doing or saying stuff like that just for fun but recently they've started to come true quite often?? like i manifested clem's win in zandvoort last year… i said "arvid and luke will be the first f3 winners" several days before the first f3 session…. me and a dear friend talked about how lando would get his first win like two days before miami…… idk i think it's time for me to manifest a pepe win 😭😭

and god yes yes i agree!! i actually have a crazy fact here that i wasn't gonna say but i think i've said it on this blog before anyway so… my actual first name (i have several first names, no not middle names…. my parents wanted to be "funny" but it's actually a pain in the ass a lot of the time) is lotus…….. i couldn't make this up 😭 my mom always said it was because of the flower but my dad said it was bcs of the car ofc because it was more sneaky than naming your daughter like mercedes or ferrari lmao. and so that you chose that emoji, which is so dear to me because ive grown up loving lotus flowers and having plastic flowers all over my room and just 😵‍💫🫨 and okay i had a huge ariana grande phase when i was younger and i used to love "baby i" so much that my parents got me a tshirt of it for my like 13th bday… and guess what song came on first when i pressed shuffle on ☄️ anons pepe playlist today? THAT SONG 🙃 and guess where i used to keep that shirt (i never wore it)?? on my bedroom wall, and guess what used to stick up from that tshirt?????? A PLASTIC LOTUS FLOWER. I COULD NOTTT BE MAKING THIS UP 😭 sadly ive moved out of that room but i will do my very best to look for an old pic as proof because this is actually a bit insane to me…..

but yes i would also not be surprised if he came on a pod some day or whatever and said that he is a little spiritual and like u said has a lot of like pre-race rituals and :(((( cute

i'm very glad to hear that you liked the shaving thoughts !!!! i may have posted some more…. esp important stuff in the tags of that one 🫠 but aaaAaAa!! im going insane too!!! just the thought of hugging him is so !!!!!!!! i think hugging him would be so so nice? i feel like he can be very firm with it because he's just too strong, but then there's always some little detail that's so soft and that just makes your knees go weak 🥺 like he whispers something sweet in your ear before pressing a quick kiss to your neck… or he pulls away from the hug but keeps his hands on your hips, holding your lower bodies close… and the way he looks into your eyes so intently when you tell him about how your day was, his smile never leaving his lips and- 😭 idkkkk and just the thought of hugging him when he's not wearing a shirt, like i feel like he would have naturally warm skin? so cuddling up to his back would be so cozy ??? your nose tickling the skin between his shoulder blades or your cheek resting on his bicep or something…….. 👉👈 (and omg resting on his bare chest in bed aaaaaaaaaaaa dont get me started)

bby you had the tag hidden?? please??? 🥲 understandable tho to keep sane and focused ig… bcs idk how to not think about him all day every day tbh, anytime i see him its just 🫠

YOUR PEPE IS COCKY?!?! HELPPP I WANT THAT TOO 😭😭 HOW? WHERE? WHO? AAAAAAAAA

shsjshjssj anons being fans of anons 🥺 idk if ive heard that song before but it fit so well with the two of them 🥺🥰 kisses to the editor 😚😚

waaaaahhh your asks fuel my days too 😭 when i woke up to this ask this morning i got so giddy hehehe and im always longing to hear more from you <3333 and god youve contributed sm to my obsession too aaaaaaa !!! so glad we get to share this (and with everyone else here too) 💗💗

[stardustfanfare]

ok yoy know what idc im making a post now. i have so many thoughts about milgram and shockingly few of the bigger ones are about the prisoners. ive got three main things.

es/the unreliable narration

the voting system

the prison itself

these all directly tie into each other.

so im actually gonna start off with the second bullet point because it bothers me so much. i know the whole point is just to judge based on whatever but frankly im too autistic to just be like yeah ok i condone these actions. imean obviously i condone not very many of these actions at all!!! they have completely different degrees of severity. theres no standard. which again. i know. thats the point. but "do i think they deserve a punishment" and "do i agree with their actions" are such vastly different things. most importantly, We Don't Fully Understand the Punishments. we have no idea what will happen after the results of trial three. essentially, we're playing the game because we were told to. we're not questioning it because milgram is structured so that we cant. ill touch back on this later bc this is kind of my main point. now where point two bleeds into point three: can i (as es) judge the prisoners? i mean, obviously i can, but milgram is all about the ethics, the morality of each case in a lot of ways. is it moral of me, The Fucking Milgram Prison Guard, the guy who works for this strange extralegal prison that has just fucking taken these guys just to be judged, to point fingers at the prisoners and call them guilty, unforgiven?

now es. although es is a representation of the audience, they basically present our choices. the way milgram portrays es limits and changes the way we, the audience, can give input into the situation. it feels almost like... a false sense of power? and this has been going on since es woke up. there was no time to question it. "im the prison guard, its my duty." immediately blocks off the mystery of milgram in favor of the mysteries of the prisoners. we, the audience, understand the rules of milgram. we watch the mvs, we vote. it feels just too much like intentional obfuscation of the main goal, the true conflict at the heart of the whole story. and thats only half of what i have to say about this guy. as the trials progress, es seems to settle more and more into their role as the warden. but!!!!!!!!!!!!

the original milgram experiment.

it just feels so much like what we're doing. obedience to authority. i think the fact that its a piece of media directly impacts how we seem to feel about the voting. we're being told to play along so we do, at the expense of the prisoners. we have no real idea of what will happen to them.

so actually funnily enough, when i brought up the milgram experiment to someone, they misremembered it as the stanford prison experiment. which also has like absurd and almost more interesting parallels.

so im not going to go fully into it, but whats interesting to me is this : es has been told theyre special, theyre the warden, the guard, ever since this whole thing started. but what if theyre not. what if theyre not special in any way. what if theyre just another participant, or another prisoner. i had forgotten about it until a friend brought it up but there are 11 cells. 00. es. i mean, who else would it be for. which raises another implication. if es is a prisoner, have they committed a crime too? then, from a moral standpoint, not only does it feel hypocritical to judge the prisoners as the warden, but also as a fellow murderer. as the voice dramas have progressed, es seems more and more antagonistic. we seem to be becoming the villain of the story, and yet its framed in a way that encourages us not to look into it. what happens if we find out we're the guiltiest of all?

[sollucets]

hi rowan! sorry to hear you had a rough day. for the writing ask game: how about 19, 28, and/or 39?

hello mel 💜💜💜 thank you for indulging me (game) i wrote. way too much. and it was a lovely distraction x

19. tell me a story about your writing journey. when did you start? why did you start? were there bumps along the way? where are you now and where are you going?

i will stick with only one of these i think, or this will be far Far too long, so: fic writer rowan, several starts

the first time i remember like specifically intentionally setting out to write something that counts as a story, on purpose & not for school, i am eight & i am handwriting in a composition notebook and i am writing oc/transparent self-insert fanfiction about the protector of the small quartet by tamora pierce. i am using the family computer to look up oc names on angelfire fansites. these are 100% The Days haha.

i do more stuff like that, later; i handwrite pages on pages of pokemon fanfic (make-ur-own region type thing complete with bad drawings of fake pokemon). i do a lot of this kind of thing on my own and for me, and then i am maybe 10 or 11 & i move that to forums (bulbagarden palletshipping thread…..,,,) this is baby fanfic writer rowan genesis, and posting on the internet before i was in middle school entirely killed my desire to do it for over a decade; i write often and a lot even outside of my work (ive completed nanowrimo three times!) but nobody ever sees it.

i get an ao3 in 2013 and post one doctor who fic but i am too scared and i orphan it right away. during a really intense media fixation i try again at the beginning of 2022 despite immense anxiety and find its not so bad. and then again for a different fandom a couple months later, and the response is such an immediate pickmeup & the writer friends ive made are so lovely that ive been trying my best ever since

28. who is the most delightful character youve ever written? why?

this is so hard. sobs. i like writing characters that have unique speech patterns, who like. make the narrative Sound different by being the pov character, which is something thats sometimes kind of hard about english-translated works (am i changing their cadence too much would they actually talk like that how much is my interpretation of the subs messing it up) so,,, i think for me i think the Most delightful characters that i always have the most fun writing are always characters like. avvy rasmr, who talks like a little fantasy spock, or anyone i can give talking quirks (like aye’s petnames). this is a copout u cant ever ask me my favorite anything i cant choose

39. what keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

you see most of the time i am aware that i love writing its something thats good for me as a person and i feel better when i do it even if its hard and the process occasionally sucks and in that way it is similar to like. taking a stupid mental health walk. you know. so,,,, if i can (sometimes you really just cannot. it happens. its okay) i just…. like….. honestly the ‘i’m being so brave about it’ mindset is good for this. be annoyed & bitch & complain but u still gotta do it and look!!! you did!!!!!

also selective giving up is good for you. have several things to choose from so if something stalls you Can give up, just a little, and go elsewhere for a bit

[weirdxonekimberlyx]

How do you make money as a diaper model, and do you think the same can be achieved by male diaper models

I got started reaching out to ABDL studios and online companies because, back when I got started it was difficult to find platforms to sell your content yourself. Now days there are SO many ways to do it yourself and get your content seen and sold without needing ONE specific buyer (like a company or studio) and, YES! I have encouraged other male ABDL's to get into modeling and several have gone on to do very well for themselves! My advice for Male ABDL's who want to make a living as a model: #1. Be aware and comfortable with men being your primary customers, I know a few bois who refuse the idea of selling content to other men, but, truth is, we still live in a world where woman are really looked down on for looking at p*rn, much less buying it. But, on that note I want to also say that, the "perverts" and the "creepers" buying p*rn? Yeah thats rare, 99% of the male clients who buy my content and interact with me are really awesome, easy going and great to work with. Dont let the societal idea that "only weirdo's buy p*rn!" scare you, you'll make some awesome friends! #2.Dont get discouraged when you begin. I see this in many newbies who get started, they often think that SW is "easy money" its only "easy" because you have control and can do it when you have the time, otherwise its STILL gonna take work and you are still going to have to market yourself. That means, being active on social media, talking to potential clients, reaching, If you seen my last post where I said "you get what you put into this" I really mean that, this is a career where you make equal what you put in, the more time you devote each day the more you'll get from it. dont feel discouraged to not get "famous" instantly, it takes time. Go look at your favorite models that are "famous" how often are they posting new content? how often are they on social media? how active are their pages? #3. i always suggest trying multiple platforms to sell on and drop the ones you dont enjoy and stick to the ones you do. #4. If you want to work alongside other models, you need to become a presence within the community. reach out to studios and ask about doing scenes, get tested, build friendships with other models but remember, that too takes time :) Male ABDL models can absolutely do more than many think and can absolutely go far! Go for it! dont feel discouraged! If you ever feel discouraged just remember When I got started I reached out to literally hundreds of studios and got turned down A LOT! Like, I actually had a p*rn studio once tell me to fuck off when I tried sending them some of my photos and they told me I wouldnt ever sell my work. (jokes on them, they went out of business a year later) Point being, I am happy where I am at and where ive been so far, despite the sites and studios that turned me down when I first got started.

[daedalusdavinci]

spell homestuck

GOD. THIS IS SO MUCH LONGER THAN TWO FACE. i typed too much and theres too many qs so under the cut it goes

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or....... i guess comics, these days, but i HATE READING COMICS they juST HAVE MORE COMPELLING FANDOMS. book fandoms are PUNY nad everyone is STUPID. youd think actual literary fandoms would have reading comprehension and understanding of literary critique but no!!!!!!!!!!!!! its literally my eternal fuckign struggle. somehow comic fandoms hit the perfect medium between compelling, readable content and the enthusiasm of cartoon fans without the childishness of cartoon fans

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

this isnt really a thing i do. the only time i associate characters w songs is my own ocs. barbies theme is miltons tower from the what remains of edith finch soundtrack!

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

i have also never really been one to project myself into stories. its just not how i consume media. i think sollux and rose already closely resemble the kinds of friends i make, so maybe them?

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

(freddy fazbear vc) vanessa.... ive done things, im not proud of.

i dont even know if i want to answer this question bc its so fucking humiliating LKJSNDLFSDNFSDF the truth is yes. i am solely responsible for. a lot. particularly in the pjo fandom. i created several crackships ground up all on my own way back in 2014 and developed a following for them and i. dont wantto tell you what those ships were. LSKJDFNSLDJNSDFSDDF ive also pioneered many ship tags for other fandoms and i ship a lot of rarepairs and stuff but i dont think im RESPONSIBLE for them?? in that some ppl already were into them/talking abotu them or tht theyre still not popular (augh. to the ones that became popular) but i AM liTERALLY responsible for some crack shit in the pjo fandom and its. it haunts me sometimes. i dont want to talk about it. IF YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DID NO YOU DONT

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

this is so vague. my headcanons are shifting and nebulous and aus are my constant companion in everything, but uhhhhhhghhusjkdjnsdg i think. roxy writes the same way dave draws comics. its extremely memey and meta and self aware and largely just for the personal lolz, and were all doing her a disservice by pretending her writing looks like roses, when in reality dirk is probably the one whod make comics the way rose makes books (which is probably why he doesnt make comics). its more of that thing where roxy and dave are the same and rose and dirk are the same ykwim. well YOU dont corvus but im sure someone else does

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

jason takes after bruce in terms of like. adopting entirely too many kids. he broods

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

harvey is a heartwrenching character when written well, with a complicated view of morality, heartbreaking ties to our main hero, and a lot of internal conflict. something about such a hopeful character deadset on making a different in the system becoming a victim of it, and the potential he has as a vehicle for critiquing the law.

percy is my favorite character from pjo bc it was the very first time in my life i ever read a book and saw myself in it. hes aggressive, impulsive, and rebellious, he fidgets and has a hard time standing still, he acts on emotion without always thinking it through, he gets in trouble in school and hands his mom a murder weapon to kill his stepdad, hes just... hes a lot of the things ive always gotten in trouble for, things i couldnt help being, and hes a hero. he means everything to me.

vriska, i will maintain until the day i die, is one of the best homestuck characters- maybe just characters?- ever written. shes dramatic, shes impulsive, shes manipulative and mean and creative, and shes just so messy about it. shes a mean girl in a way that feels real, where her trauma impacts and shapes her as a person, and shes complex, with warring wants, and people she cares about, and dreams, and shes so messy. shes rough and rude and shes doing what SHE wants to, being a version of herself that feels right to HER, rather than some caricature of the hot badass evil lady. shes thirteen!! and she FEELS thirteen. shes a thirteen year old weird girl who is kind of an asshole, and she means literally fucking everything to me. shes a pirate!!!!! shes a swashbuckling badass dressing up in her larping outfit and yelling at her friends on the playground to swab the deck and she is the bestest ever, the end.

i didnt mean for each one of these to be longer than the last but here we are.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

i hate jdedave peace and love it just feels weird as hell to me. dave, for the most part, is hyper respectful of other peoples choices and boundaries but when it comes to jade hes always trying to mke choices for her, to protect her, and it gets to the point where even jade points out how much it bugs her. jades crush on dave also seems to come from a place of misunderstanding to me, admiring a lot of the parts of himself that he exaggerates and pretends to care about as a result of trauma. it always felt like a kid crush that they shouldve grown out of with time. dave also just sort of seems to... go along with whatever romantic relationships people push him into at that age, rolling with whoever flirts with him jsut bc hes trying to maintain the image of a player, so its really hard to take him seriously any time he hits on someone?

that is just my interpretation of it tho

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

well. i havent finished my reread of homestuck, so that feels difficult to comment on just yet, bc im sure ill have a different opinion when i do finish it. no one in dc gets character arc bc theyre all just undone immediately, so thats like. yeah. and in pjo the arcs are pretty weak bc 1) kids books and 2) RICK UNDOES THEM ALL. AUGH. regardless of all of this, i am going to say jason grace. he had a lot of development in like the last two hoo books, or maybe just like.... hints of how he couldve developed? promise? which rick immediately set fire to in toa when he killed him, but fUCKING WHATEVER. UGH.

anyway actually tho eleanor from the good place. bisexual icon. queen. probably one of the best character arcs of all time. the episode w her mom has some of the most powerful fucking dialogue ever and i think about it. all the time. i should rewatch the good place.....

[telekinetic-issue]

I get that cancer narratives in visual media are compelling because a lot of people don’t know more specifics than “it’s deadly” unless they’re a patient themselves or they’ve been a caregiver to a direct family member undergoing treatment. It’s not like the movies show it at all.

There are times I go days without showering because I have the energy to either feed myself or wash myself, and I choose the one that keeps me alive. When you lose your hair you lose everything—eyebrows, eyelashes, all your body hair, all of it. Your skin dries out and your lips crack and bleed. It doesn’t look anything like those gracefully skinny actresses with perfect makeup and bald caps. It looks and feels like death warmed over. Certain types make your skin look like it’s rotting off your body in places. It’s gross and wet and painful.

Sometimes you’re in such severe pain medication doesn’t even touch it. Your immune system is in shambles so you’re more susceptible to any kind of infection. MRSA is a threat and deadly. I still have scars from it. Blood infections are a risk every single time you get a cut or scrape or pull a hangnail or get blood drawn/an IV placed/port accessed. You want to live your life but you’re aware that one wrong move could have severe lasting consequences.

You don’t want to eat but you have to. Expect to throw up. Expect to shit yourself at least once, or get so constipated you’re taking anything and everything to relieve it because it feels like your gut is going to explode. You spend a lot of time in pain on the toilet. Your guts and your ass will never be the same. If you end up with bad enough nausea/vomiting you get mouth sores and your mouth bleeds and if you swallow enough blood you end up throwing that up too. Eating hurts. Drinking water hurts. If you don’t drink and eat, everything gets worse. Your body is trying desperately to outlast the poison pumped into you to try to kill the cancer but it’s killing you, too.

Radiation leaves your skin changed. I still have a stripe of darker skin down my spine and I probably will for a long time, if not forever. My body looks wrong in the mirror, like something sucked the vitality out of me and replaced it with flour. Did you know if you lose 10% of your initial body weight they have to recalculate your chemotherapy dose? Did you know that certain chemotherapies have a higher risk of anaphylactic reaction the longer you’re on them?

And this isn’t the pity Olympics either. It’s just reality for a lot of people. You honestly can’t do anything except take it one day at a time and hope to whatever you believe in that your next scan doesn’t show anything new or worse. If you make friends among other patients you also know that there’s a chance you’ll outlive them. It doesn’t matter if their cancer is different than yours, or how long they’ve been diagnosed or what stage their diagnosis is. If they die, you’ll feel that survivor’s guilt no matter what. You’ll also never forget them.

Cancer isn’t a war a patient fights. The battle is between your oncologist with treatment on their side and the cancer. You’re just the battleground for that fight and you’re forever changed by it.

And all of that is what the movies won’t show you.

[fragmented-light-sys]

I know this can be a difficult question to answer and not everyone is comfortable with it, so please don’t feel pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with. But how did you come to find out you were a system? What was it like? We’re there any signs before, or was it a total shock? How old was the body?

Asking because my friends are all convinced I have DID and I just can’t accept it and i don’t know what to do if they’re right so I’m looking for comfort in other peoples’ stories.

-a very confused and scared college student

this is gonna be a long post lol im sorry.

excuse the switching between we and i, we're kinda blurry and switchy idk.

before i say anything, i do have to say that we're undiagnosed so we dont have 100% proof but we are fairly certain in our suspicion and have done research before saying anything about this (which i recommend to you too; there's blogs on here that have plenty of papers on DID/OSDD research).

ive always felt like there was something going on that i couldnt explain with other mental health stuff (the dissociation, the missing trauma memories, the feeling that youre seperate people, the emotions that dont fit to how you would react, etc) but the only image i had of DID was what the media told me, so losing time n all that.

i did actually start researching DID/OSDD at one point in our life but that resulted in them trying to talk to me and me being completely overwhelmed by everything which lead to a severe shut down that i still cant quite fully understand.

the body is 24 and thats also the age that i started to explore this somehow. theres definitely systems that know way before that but theres really no age limit to discovering that youre a system.

coming to terms with being a system is a hard thing to do so when i did finally start looking into it and asking myself these questions, i was met with a huge amount of denial and the typical "but i cant be a system, i dont have the symptoms!" while being oblivious to the symptoms i did have that hinted towards it. i wasnt "shocked" persé, i was shocked in the way that i knew i had symptoms but still denied myself the chance of saying "maybe what happened to me really was that bad", if that makes sense.

i am by no means far in this. ive just started therapy and i have been trying to figure things out for a mere 5 months now and i am by no means close to understanding everything. so do take this with a grain of salt. and we have actually had to accept things for like 3 times now because everytime we got overwhelmed, someone came and made us forget things again.

please dont pressure yourself in having to discover this and dont let your friends pressure you either! something like this needs time and you have lots of time and its better to come to an informed and calm decision than doing harm with a rushed decision. just try to research for now and keep an open mind!

also id advice you to look for a professional if you really think this could be a possibility.

i hope i could somehow answer your questions, if you have any more questions, please ask, we're a little "out of it" today so it could be that i forgot to answer something.

[absentcaryatid]

The fact you remember where I'm from and that is spring here is quite cute ^^ I've been seeing so much about fall on social media, but my vibes are different right now, I'm on flower and pretty colors vibes 🌸💐 I hope you reunite with your Sweet Bill soon, you sound so lovely together!!

And about the video, I wish it was me and Seonghwa 🥺 it would be adorable! This Wednesday is national holiday in Brazil, so, as I don't have work or uni, I'm thinking on finally watching Star Wars. What do you think? If you know a lot about the franchise, could you point me to the right direction, please? :D

Ooh, Star Wars advice. That is going to vary from fan to fan. More often than anything useful you are going to get a ramble from the person about what works for them and the place the movies found them in their life. But hey, it is my page so I can ramble. It is a deep world with lots of television shows and books too, but my knowledge is limited to the movies, and I haven't even seen all of them yet. I like the well known characters R2-D2 and C-3PO from my childhood and the more recent BB-8.

The short answer is if you just want to try one to see if you might like more the original 1977 movie that started the franchise. It is a fun adventure called Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope. Alternately, the 2015 Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens is another good one if you want a more modern looking movie.

PC Magazine has a nice roundup of the movies and several suggested orders to see them. It is also fine to just watch one and decide trying once was enough Star Wars in your life. Alternately, the recent streaming shows like The Mandalorian might be more interesting than the movies so there are many ways to sample Star Wars. That's on my viewing list one day since I love the character people were calling Baby Yoda until he got a name in the story.

Two other things that may be of interest upfront, you might enjoy the adult reader insert stories of Tenelkadjowrites about Star Wars. (She is really the one to ask about Star Wars, even her username is from the wider Star Wars world!) I already liked her Seonghwa writing so seeing more work in a different fandom was fun too.

Also, my love of K-pop costuming has me smiling when I see somebody dressed in clothes that could pass for something from Star Wars. Yoongi from BTS had a photo shoot where he could have stepped off the set of the 1977 movie and Seonghwa of course keeps making me think Star Wars with his flowing outfits and swords.

On to the more personal answer with pictures (including my underwear!) and a video of the worst entry in the franchise but one of my favorites anyway!

A little too young for the first movie, I did have some of the action figures growing up and loved playing Star Wars with my friends. I was the right age to appreciate one of the most hated elements of Star Wars- the sort-of-cute teddy bearish Ewoks from the 1983 movie Return of the Jedi. I even bought Ewok Underoos recently but can only show the package I saved because I did not follow the no-heat in the dryer instructions and the iron-on design peeled right off my shirt.

I love BB-8 the most and have a lot of stuff with that character including a pillow, backpack, and plate.

So, I like the cute stuff and my love of Star Wars is shown in stuffed animals too. Here are Max Rebo, C-3PO, R2-D2, and a jawa hanging out at the end of the hallway at my house.

And I like the designs of the storm trooper costumes too so have one of those toys in my room along with a second BB-8 backpack and a matching luggage out of shot.

And last, the worst entry in the Star Wars World- the children’s Ewok movie The Battle For Endor. I was eleven when it came out and liked it. Now I can look at the trailer below and see the fern filled redwood forests I am familiar with now that I live in the San Francisco bay area. Bill says we even have some of those fern types in the backyard but he is insistent it is not because he likes Ewoks.

So my final answer is there are many ways to enjoy Star Wars including just the toys or taking one look and realizing it might not be your thing and all are perfectly reasonable ways to feel about the franchise. If you like it, there is always more to see, but it is okay if it is just a movie to you. For me it is mostly the show where some favorite characters came from.

[mostlymalena]

June 14th 2024 6:12pm

Hello friends and fans and family and foe.

This will be an update about Ava so big ole post. I'll try my best to tell this in an entertaining way. I'll write it like I expereinced it.

I met Ava back in 2021 because her roommate and best friend at the time, Becca, had just begun dating Josh. Yes, Josh as in best friends and roommates AND bandmate of Hugh who was my boyfriend at the time. When I find out Hugh cheated on me I get told that him and Ava are snapchatting a lot and Ava tells me that Hugh wants her and wants to hookup but she rejected him bc she is on my side. Anyways when I was going through the court stuff with Hugh because I posted about what he put me through and he said "hey not fair!", she took their side (this comes back around later I promise) and posted about me on her social media calling me a liar and saying I was never abused blah blah. Good for her for being loyal.

Fast forward to 2023, she see's me at blue post bc of course you would and comes up to me and profusely apologizes for taking their side and that she believed me this whole time and I tell her its chill no big deal and she then post me on her story which ruffles some feathers but I don't really care bc when do I ever.

Anyways, she is dating this girl Paige at the time (still 2023) and Paige's father get's really really sick. When he is close to passing away Ava's father very suddenly dies and it's very very shocking for her and her family. So of course Ava is destroyed and a lot of her friends rally to support her. Now I'm not sure when but close to when her dad died Paige cheats on Ava so we all once again rally for Ava and it's fuck Paige. Paige's father dies during this as well. Lot's of emotions.

During this time me and Ava are getting closer - I bond with her over losing a parent as I have lost my mother. Also to note I never fully attach to Ava bc she is well, she was just always in some kind of tizzy with someone and it seems to never be her fault. I mean something was ALWAYS happening to her.

Near thanksgiving time she tells me and everyone that her mother has committed suicide. Now this is when her and I really bond because I lost Emma 6 months prior to just that and I also lost my mother. So! Her and I grow closer and start hanging out outside of just seeing each other at the bars. No one had any reason to not believe her bc who tf would lie about that!! She also reached out for support several times over her father passing. During thanksgiving she even went home and posted pics of her mom's house and captioned it with stuff like "it looks the exact same since she left". She also got support about the struggle of having to clean her parents house out and how she is avoiding it bc its too hard.

Fast forward to when Grace and I start talking again. Grace and Ava had already been friends before G and I reconnected and Ava had made it clear in more than one way that she was interested in more than friends with Grace. Obvi this was brought up when G and I reconnected but Ava had made SURE to make it clear with me that she knows me and G are together and she would never pursue. Grace also sent Ava a very brute and CLEAR text which I READ MYSELF that she ONLY sees ava as a friend and there will never be anything more than friendship between them. Ava was asking Grace to hang out so much that Grace got a weird feeling and didnt wanna lead ava one or make things unclear. Ava also says that Paige is always hitting her up and showing up to her house and it's just played off as ex girlfriend drama. Wait I have a screenshot I know it

Around this time Ava is also served with a FUCKING RESTRAINING ORDER from Paige. And makes a complete joke about it. Won't show anyone the papers. Now IVE BEEN THROUGH THIS!!! So I fucking tell her what to do, like go to court and provide evidence that you are not stalking her. She does not go to court. So if you don't show up to defend yourself.. the restraining order is automatically granted. Ava "not knowing this" texts Paige on the year anniversary of her father's death and Paige calls the cops on Ava for breaking the restraining order. Ava is ARRESTED and goes to JAIL. She calls Reese (her best friend) to bail her out and Reese gets a bondsman and pays for Ava to get out. We feel bad bc Ava is like "I don't have parents to bail me out"," I don't have parents to teach me how to be an adult". so like duh she is right.

Now court is set for a couple weeks later because Ava has to see if she is going to go to actual jail for a couple months for breaking the restringing order. She hires a lawyer and me, Reese, grace, and a couple other friends go to the court room with her to support her. This happens the DAY AFTER I GET HOME FROM A TEN DAY TRIP IN ITALY. Reminder Grace and I broke up for a solid 5 days before a couple days into my Italy trip. Well Ava helped her fucking self to try and get with Grace while I was in Italy (grace rejected her) but was texting me she missed me while I was gone and was hoping I had a good trip yada yada. So already my hackles were fucking raised. I mean all the while I had a sense that Ava wanted to fuck Grace which I have expressed to Grace before lmao.

Back to all of us sitting in court:

Paige signs a paper from Ava's lawyer dismissing the call and whatever so Ava does not have to go to jail. We all celebrate and Grace post something about Ava on her story. Some girl who is Paige's friend slides up and says "If you knew the whole story you would not be supporting Ava. Ask her about her dead mom".

Now Grace and I don't know what to do with that info but we kinda decide to keep Ava at arm's length for now. She also was just always chaotic and being crazy and what not. She gets fired for picking fights with some girl at her work two days after the court win and I tell her maybe me her and Reese should sit down and make a plan for her life to get her back on track. All she does is smoke weed and get fucked up on the weekends. May 26th 2024 I realize I have not heard from her since the night before. I check her local and it's off and call and text her. No answer. I start freaking out. THEN. I get this TEXT. From a number I dont know and it's green.

So I freak the fuck out. I call Reese and we decide to go to her apartment. The door is unlocked and she isnt home but her cat is. We call the local hospitals admission offices and check if she has been admitted. Nothing.

Ava finally calls Reese and tells us she had bad thoughts and checked herself into the hospital the night before. We are all relieved but also upset she didnt text anyone at all. We tell her about the random number and she loses it and gets so upset. Telling me she is so sorry. Here are some text from that convo:

This random number starts texting Gracie and Ava's other friends terrible things like I wish she had died and shit like that. So we are all reeling from that and worried and shit. Ava and Jo graduate college so we go downtown and celebrate. Ava wears her cap and gown and seems happy.

Fast forward to June 2nd 2024. I get a call from Reese 1 hour before I'm set to pick up Ava for a Pride event at Hi-Wire.

Reese tells me a couple days prior they went to Brunch (her and Ava) to a spot where Ava wanted to go bc she knew a waitress there. Well they eat and another waitress recognizes Ava bc they know or are friends with Paige and tells Ava's waitress that Ava lied about her mom killing herself. From what I remember this waitress straight up asked Ava why people are saying she lied about it and Ava blames it on Paige trying to cause drama and shit.

Well Reese being the smartest bitch on the planet looks into it. Cannot find an obituary for Ava's mom OR dad. What does she find: HER MOTHERS INSTAGRAM. Which has a RECENT POST. AS IN 3 DAYS RECENT. Her mother is very much alive and well and paints and sells antiques. Reese and I lose it. Ethan is with me when I get all this info and me and Ethan look into it bc Reese and now I don't believe her father is dead either. Time is up, so I pick up Ava and pretend all is well and we go to Pride. Ava tells me Reese is mad at her and she thinks it's bc of some drama at her old job blah blah. I keep quiet bc I know lmao.

That night I tell the jester's chat (all my friends) and Adam being a sleuth. FINDS AVA'S DAD. Ava's dad who is also alive and well is using his retirement to be the CEO of a non-profit that builds homes for unhoused people and gets them back on their feet. So I tell Reese all this and Reese and I decide that I'm going to call and confront Ava about it all. So I do. Ava does not answer and her local is off and she wont answer texts for a long time. I get nervous she offed herself again so I do a wellness check on her. She texts me after the cops leave her house and I told her we need to talk ASAP. She calls me. And I record the convo. You can listen below just wait about 20 seconds after you click play and you will hear me say hello.

Anyways. She admits her mother is alive but insist her father is dead. bc of this I decide to post publicly and here is why:

I know Ava very well and she manipulates situations and so I wanted to get ahead of this before she tried to tell people I was a liar and crazy

Ava lied to SO MANY PEOPLE SO MANY. I feel like lies to this degree that led to people giving her money, opening up about their trauma, giving her breaks, need to be exposed.

I have no idea how she would react to this so really I just wanted to make sure Reese and I's story was accurately portrayed which is why this blog post is needed for my sanity.

I posted it on my story and got a slew of DM's of course. I answered everyone's questions and sent my evidence to those who asked.

Reese and I don't want Ava to kill herself bc she goes ghost so I call Ava's mother whose phone number is attached to her insta and record that convo as well. I just tell her mother what has happened and that Ava will need a lot of support right now. She tells me her father is alive and they are still happily married. Ava's mother told me that Claire and Paige called her the day before and that it was not a good convo but thats all the details I got from that bc it was not my place to ask.

After posting I got a call from a girl, who legit 3 years ago copied my heart sleeve as a half sleeve and I told her that wasnt chill and that was legit it. I have not thought of her since then and never spoke about her lmao. Well she has been wanting to reach out to me and apologize for how she handled the situation and ava told her not to reach out to me.

I called her back and she told me more details and also told me about how she told her that she is just my friend bc of my "social status" in wilmy whatever the fuck that means and that she never believed me about the Freedrink/Hugh stuff. AND GET THIS LMAO. Also told me that Ava is OBSESSED WITH MY GIRLFRIEND and was constantly telling her that Grace always asks to hangout and that grace is obsseseedd with her and that Ava is just waiting for us to break up so Ava gets her chance and would constantly talk about me and Paige whenever they hung out. Me and this girl are super chill now.

I called and told Reese this and Reese confirmed that Ava also told her she never believed my Freedrinks stuff and that Ava was constantly talking about Grace and wanting her. Claiming all these people including my fucking girlfriend are obsessed with her (her as in Ava)

I got a bout 104723502358 dms about all the same stuff. Paige figured out Ava was lying and thats why she got a restraining order and so I do want to publicly apologize for being on the wrong side of the court room. That was fucked up and I was wrong. 

Ava's mother also told me that AVA DID NOT GRADUATE COLLEGE LMAO. That she has to take summer classes and maybe some more next semester. SO SHE FAKED GRADUATING COLLEGE.

Ava reactivated her insta recently, blocked me instantly, didnt block MY GIRLFRIEND and posted on her close friends that she added Grace to and said "wilmy is full of lying bitches". So now here it is all laid out. 

The End. 

[husbandhoshi]

awhwhjashwwh u calling me babes made me all like 😳👉🏼👈🏼 anyway ahh dont apologize 4 replying late !! my second day was good bc i had no classesskshjs,, actually celebrated my dads bday hehe w/ some of my family !! should explain that w/ my classes they're all online 😅 n with some,, i dont actually meet with my prof,, they just give me the work n i do it lol. sry for explaining all that.. probs rly boringsgjshs.. anyway !! i did indeed see ur ask abt joshy's top 5 qualities n they're so adorbs + endearing 🥺💔 i also adore his goofy unhinged sense of humor, his gummy eye smile, HIM BEING EMITIONALLY INTELLIGNEBT (MAKES ME CAZRY..), him being the ultimate (big breasted) malewife, and gosh.. his street smarts + being resourceful... damn u r crazy 4 him liek me.. we r crazy together... also im so glad u have so many wonderful things 2 say abt him bc he deserves it all wahhh.. BUT OMG.. thats so cool ur both from LA 😲

also it's all no problem !! no need 2 thank me,, im just speaking the truth abt ur schooling journey 🫶🏼 ik we dont even know e/o but im i rly mean every word ive said and say 🤗 but yes indeed,, even one class on one day still is a lot regardless 😭 but hm... i would say i like my classes !! changed my schedule several times lol but i would say im fine w/ the schedule i ended up with is good 4 meee.. the weather here is horrid as i live in redacted.. literal dessert so im suffering too.. just looking forward to winter atp..

tysm wahhhh.. i hope u have a good weekend too !! honestly.. nothing rly.. just focusing on school 😣 hope u have fun on friday w/ whatever movie u see.. u dont know this but im a visual media major who's rly into film so plz lmk what movie ur seeing + ur thoughts on it hehe 🤭

(@ what u wrote in the tags) also !! ill try 2 do smth 4 myself if i ever get a chance ahhshsjjsks.. omg tho so proud of u 4 that 90% !! i knew u could do it, my manifestation worked 😁 ok whew sry 4 talking 2 much here.. byebye 👋🏼 - 🐱

hi babes!!! sorry i've been mia... i have quizzes every friday and i was particularly behind this week 🧎i hope your dad's bday was fun!! what did you guys do? and nooo it's not boring to listen to talk about school! i sit in lecture all day so literally hearing about anything is more exciting <3 having online classes sounds so nice! when i had those in undergrad i would do class with all my friends in the same room & i rlly miss that :') i'm glad you like yours tho!!! makes life a little more fun!

and yesss i hope you have a good weekend too!! i'm 99% sure i'm seeing the a24 horror movie that came out a bit ago <3 and being a visual media major sounds sooo fun! i was almost a film minor! what are some of your fave movies?

and shh never apologize ! u talk the perfect amt and i love hearing from u <3