#also it’s fun to think about Dick being a superhero vigilante longer than Clark

[24hrsoda]

and when i say Dick and Bruce were best friends and brothers i need everyone to understand that that also applies to Dick and Clark

[soulmate-game]

Hawkmoth was a bitch, and Marinette meant that with every fiber of her soul. Fu was also a bitch, and Marinette actually had good memories of the guy. Not many, but she had some. The fact that the guy got two ten-year-olds to become super heroes and fight a supervillain for him kinda soured those memories, though. But with Chat Noir not allowed to leave his house? Yeah, even as young as they were it only took about a year to find out who HawkMoth was and another year to take him down.

Except, that left Marinette alone. The final battle took her mom away, and Chat had to move out of Paris after his dad was arrested. Luckily Jagged allowed her and her papa to move into his house in Gotham, and everything was…

Well, it was okay. For about a month.

Then her dad was gone too, and she had no way to talk to Jagged, and the police were scaring her—

Yeah, that was the basic order of events that led to where she was now. Pushing fourteen years old, ex-superhero, protector of a magical box of gods, stealing the tires off of a very nice motorcycle.

Marinette was tempted to just take the whole thing, she loved bikes and knew she could drive it. But the thing had more security than she knew what to do with, and the fact that it belonged to Red Hood… she didn’t want to deal with trackers today, thanks. So the tires it was.

Should she maybe care more about the fact that she was stealing from a vigilante with a violent streak? Maybe. Did she? Hell no. For all she knew, maybe Red Hood was a bitch too. (Yes, she was still learning English slang. She was fluent by educational standards, but learning how to curse in a foreign language was fun and she still had a little bit to go. Her few street friends were very happy to help).

A shadow dropped down in front of her, and Marinette’s hero instincts kicked in. The tire iron she was using cut through the air, slamming right into the side of Red Hood’s knee.

—*—*—*—*—*

“Hood,” Batman’s voice grumbled over the comms, instantly grabbing the attention of everyone else who was on the comms. It wasn’t as gruff as he usually sounded, in fact it almost sounded like… he was trying not to laugh?

“Did you get gassed by Joker?” Dick asked before Jason got a chance to respond. “Need backup?”

“No,” Batman responded, sounding a little more composed. “Not a rogue. But Hood, I need you to join me at my location as soon as possible.”

Finally getting the chance to talk, Jason responded a little warily; “Sure, B. Wait,” he blinked at the location that was sent to him. “Isn’t that where my bike is parked?”

Batman didn’t respond at first, only the sound of labored breathing— again, as if he was trying not to laugh. “Just get here, Hood.”

Sighing, but not too mad since the night had been fairly quiet so far, Jason decided to humor the old man and head over. When he could see the cape-clad back of Batman, he easily leapt over the last roof and sauntered over.

“Okay, B,” he had his thumbs tucked in his pockets as he drawled. “What’s the issue?”

Batman was grinning. As in, actually showing amusement. And he just pointed down, straight at Hood’s bike.

Jason rolled his eyes under his helmet, turning to look. At first he didn’t see anything amiss, until he saw movement and looked harder. Oh. Oh, holy shit.

“Is that a kid?”

“Yep,” Batman’s grin grew.

“Is she… stealing my tires?” Hood was so, so glad he wore a helmet that hid his expression. Because… wow.

“Yep,” Batman finally lost his composure, chuckling. “This seems like Karma, don’t you think?”

“And you just watched her so you could rub it in,” Jason groaned, throwing his head back in exasperation. Of course he would. Nobody knew it (except the other heroes who knew him) but Batman was a petty little jerk when he wanted to be. He bought the whole Daily Planet just to spite Clark, for crying out loud.

“Don’t adopt her,” Batman said as he stood up, patting Red Hood’s shoulder. “It looks like she’s almost done.”

“Shit,” Jason hissed, looking down to see that she was, actually, very close to being done. She had already had one tire completely free by the time he had arrived, and now she was only seconds away from getting the other one completely free.

He took a quick assessment— she was tiny, and really thin. Definitely a street kid, he thought, though he didn’t recognize her. He knew most of the street kids that stole to get by, nowadays, which meant she must have been fairly new. But even though she seemed to know what she was doing, her small frame made her take longer unscrewing the tires than it normally would have taken. Sure that she wasn’t a threat by any stretch of the imagination, he jumped down. His plan had been to startle her a little by showing up out of nowhere, but he didn’t want to scare her too badly. Just make her jump a little.

But he had underestimated her, it seemed. Without wasting a second, she jumped up and swung her tire iron at his knee. He cursed, she was a lot faster than her had been expecting. He was able to move so that the weapon only clipped the side of his knee, his knee pad thankfully taking the worst of it. She still hit hard enough to make him stumble and hiss in pain though, which was an accomplishment.

That’s when she abandoned her weapon and her tires, darting to try and escape only for Batman to drop down and block her escape. Though really, it was the grin Batman had that scared the girl most of all, apparently, making her slowly back away from him.

“Please stop smiling,” she begged with a faint French accent to her words. “It is not natural.”

That made Red Hood laugh, already recovered and right behind her. He plopped a gloved hand on her head.

“I know, it’s creepy right?” He joked. “What’cha doin’ stealing my tires, kid? I kinda need them to drive anywhere,” he was careful to keep his voice light and devoid of any anger. He wasn’t really upset, all told. It would be hypocritical of him if he was.

She looked between the two vigilantes for a moment, clear intelligence behind those bright blue eyes as she seemed to consider something. Suddenly she pulled away from Red Hood and stepped away from his reach, straightening up and trying to look tall.

“My name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” she said as firmly as she could. “My father was Tom Dupain, he was killed in a mugging three months ago. We were living in a house that our family friend leant to us after my mother’s death six months ago, and we moved here from Paris. I haven’t been able to contact him, and the police… I don’t trust them,” she admitted, clearly seeing this as the chance she had been waiting for. “I have been living on the streets since my father died. I am sorry for trying to steal your tires, Monsieur Red Hood. But it was a risk I had to take.”

“Did you expect us to catch you?” He asked, crossing his arms as he re-evaluated the girl. She was a lot stronger than he had assumed earlier, both physically and mentally. She seesawed her hand to indicate ‘kinda’.

“Even if you didn’t, I could make good money off your tires,” she justified with a shrug. “To me, I would win either way.”

“Who is your family friend? Can he help you now, take you in?” Batman asked, moving forward and kneeling down to be closer to Marinette’s height. Neither he nor Jason had missed the part where she was an orphan, but they had expected that considering what they had caught her doing. And they both knew that she wasn’t likely to take any apologies they tried to offer very well. It was best not to show pity, or she might get angry.

Marinette frowned. “... Our family friend is Jagged Stone. He lets me call him Uncle Jagged,” she told them, clearly expecting the disbelieving grunts they gave. “I mean it! You can call him, he might even be looking for me! I—“

“We know,” Hood assured her, now kneeling down as well. Man, she was short. “Calm down, we know you’re telling the truth. Jagged has made several public announcements about his missing honorary niece, we just didn’t recognize your name right away. And Jagged doesn’t have access to very many pictures of you, those he does have the Mayor isn’t allowing him to show because that spineless jackass—“

“Language, Hood.”

“—Cares more about keeping bad press off the air than finding a kid, even if it’s a world famous rockstar who’s asking. That’s probably why you haven’t heard anything, the mayor’s keeping it off the radio and not many reporters are brave enough to take the story and get on his bad side.”

“Oh…” Marinette took a deep breath, fighting the tears that were threatening to rise up. “He has been looking…” she sniffled, curling in on herself a little. “Can you take me to him?”

“I think we can do that,” Batman agreed, standing up. “I’ll contact him. Red Hood, can you handle everything here until I give you a place to meet up with Jagged Stone?”

Jason nodded. “No problem, B. Come on, little rabid pixie. Step one of gettin’ you back to your uncle is to help me fix my bike back up.”

Marinette sighed, shoulders dropping. “All my hard work, undone…” she playfully complained. But in the end she didn’t argue or fight against it, she just sat down and helped him reattach his tires.

All the while, Jason’s family kept teasing him over the comms. Clearly they were also thoroughly amused by the cosmic display of karma.

“...Monsieur Hood,” Marinette asked once they were done repairing the motorcycle and he had given her his too-big extra helmet. He tilted his head a bit to show he was listening. She squirmed. “Can… can we stop by my hideout? I have something really important I have to get.”

Jason smiles gently under his mask. She might not have been a street kid for very long, but she really did bring back some memories for him. He got on his bike and held a hand out to her.

“Sure thing kid. Wanna grab something to eat after? Can’t have a reunion on an empty stomach.”

She gave him a lopsided smile— not quite overjoyed, but definitely hopeful and thankful. Maybe this was the end of her streak of bad luck, she could only hope.

“Only if you don’t mind, Monsieur Hood,” she agreed before taking his hand and letting him help her onto the bike.

“No skin off my back, pixie,” he assured her. Then they were off. He followed her directions until they got to an abandoned building about three miles away, not in a good part of town at all but at least not in crime alley. Marinette easily led him through the building, skirting around other piles of ratty blankets and up broken stairs until they got to the badly-maintained top floor. She led him over to an almost invisible door in the concrete wall that pulled out to reveal what was probably a broom closet once upon a time. It was crowded with what looked like junk and empty boxes, along with a few blankets and two or three changes of clothes that were clearly her’s. A few belongings scattered around— a book, a small pink purse, and… Marinette came out of the pile of mess holding what had clearly been a very carefully hidden box. She also grabbed the purse and slung it over her shoulder, but didn’t seem worried about anything else.

Jason frowned at the box. It wasn’t that big, but it was clearly made of old wood. There were intricate carvings that were painted pink, in a symbol that was itching at the back of his mind. He recognized that symbol, but from where?

“Ready to go, kid?” He asked as he thought about it, getting a nod from Marinette. Twenty minutes later they were at a Batburger, sitting in a shaded booth that couldn’t be seen from the street.

She never let the box out of her sight. She kept it on the seat next to her, and Jason noticed that she tried to keep one hand on it at all times. But when she spoke, now her French accent stood out to him even more than before. But why—?

And then it clicked. Paris. Hawkmoth. Ladybug, Chat Noir, magic artifacts called Miraculous. Wonder Woman had raised a fuss when the heroes disappeared, declaring that something was wrong but she couldn’t put her finger on what. Then the magic users they trusted were called in, and returned from Paris with the grim news that the former Guardian of those artifacts had activated a failsafe and passed the guardianship on to someone else while erasing his own memories at the same time. But nobody knew who he could have passed it on to, so Batman had been given the green light to do all the research he and his team could into the Miraculous box to try and help track it down.

And here it was. The carvings were in pink now, which might have been the “cosmetic change” that Constantine had mentioned might happen when the box changed guardians. He had found the box full of super powerful magical artifacts… in the hands of a newly orphaned street kid who couldn’t have been older than fourteen at best.

What the hell?

“...” Red hood reached into his pocket and pulled out an old receipt and a sharpie. He scrawled on the back of the receipt and handed to Marinette. The girl was halfway into a bite of her burger when he did, and blinked at him owlishly before swallowing and cautiously reaching out to grab it. She frowned at the numbers scrawled there.

“What’s this?” She asked.

“My contact info,” he explained. “I won’t ask questions about why you have that box,” he watched her instantly stiffen but continued as casually as he could; “but it doesn’t matter. You can call me if you ever need help with anything, kid. Help with that box, help if you get in trouble in Gotham again, or even if you’re having a bad day. You can call me for whatever, got it? I don’t care if you think it’s stupid, if you can’t talk to anyone else in your life you can always call or text me and I’ll do whatever I can. Got it?”

“...” Marinette sniffled for a second and looked down at the table in silence for a second. “... what if I want your motorcycle?” she joked, but the watery tone of her voice gave her away.

Jason laughed, patting her head. “I need my bike, but we can talk about getting you your own once you are old enough to get a license. You almost done? Bats says that Jagged is ready to meet you, I can take you to him right now.”

“Yeah, lets go!” she was newly energized and shoved the last bite of burger into her mouth greedily. “And Red Hood?” She asked as they headed out to where he had parked.

“Yeah, kid?”

“Thanks.”

—*—*—*—*—*

Permanent tag list (I remembered it this time!)

@rosalineandrosemary @neakco @justanotherfanficlovinbitch @trippingovermyfeet @certainmuffinbagelcalzone @bigpicklebananatree @fantasylover-92 @prongs-flowers @jumpingjoy82 @prettylittlebutterflie @queenz-z @literaryhiraeth @waffelyunsure @deathssilentapproach-blog @waiting247 @theirlmikan @unoriginalmess

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[silverwhiteraven]

Oooh the Krypto-Bat + twins au sounds really interesting! I would love to see more of that if possible!

Krypto-Bat + Twins AU (For the Krypto-Mari AUs) [ Posted on Ao3 ]

Twins AU with Marinette and Clark, Aka, Kia Jor-El and Kal-El

They were sent from Krypton at the same time in separate pods/ships, and when they land on earth, the pods are separated enough to land in two different places

Kal-El is, as originally, ends up in Smallville, adopted by the Kents as Clark

Kia ends up in Gotham

Bruce is already an adult here, and already Batman, including having taken in Dick and potentially Jason as well

Batman is the one to find Kia, mostly because, ever-vigilant, he knows about when something is about to crash into the territory he protects and is determined to be the first to arrive before anyone else.

He takes her in because for one, ‘what the heck, a tiny child with super-strength is in my backyard’ and felt he lucked out with her not ending up in the hands of a villain instead. For two, he’s really curious about what she and her little partially-destroyed space pod are. For three, The Justice League hasn’t been formed, it’s not even a baby of a thought in Batman’s head yet, so he has no one else he trusts to be able to hand a super-powered alien baby off to, so, congrats, Bruce, you have a daughter!

Dick is like ‘oh heck yes, someone else to teach all the ways of being one bendy acrobat’

Also, Since Dick can’t get the Nightwing name from Superman (since there is no Superman yet) He has a different hero name, Blackbird

Jason is the dotting older brother type and none of you will change my mind

“Oh god the teething” will be something Bruce groans about in the future when talking about raising this child. First of all, she’s really strong, and develops her physical invulnerability early on, so you have this baby that will probably chew on the granite gargoyles around the mansion and all the batarangs in the cave

Kia, now named Marinette Wayne, spends a lot of her time with Alfred, so she learns early on how to seem like some all-knowing, all-wise entity, and how to control her emotions and outward expressions. They bats will learn to rightly fear her as much as they fear Alfred

Learning how to be a mini-Alfred doesn’t stop her from being fun, being absolutely sweet, or even a sunshine child. Alfred made sure she doesn’t pent up or bottle emotions, she learns how to deal with them in a healthy way and divert the bad ones into powering good ones

Pair that Alfred attitude with training to control her powers and, eventually, training to defend herself as well as fight, in case she ever decides to join the ‘family business’, and you have a force to be reckoned with, even from a young age

The Jason dying thing can either happen or not

If it happens, when he comes back, his rage about being ‘replaced’ can be lessened, considering he already knew the Robin mantle wasn’t meant to ever sit permanently on anyone’s shoulders

Hell, he even looked forward to the day Marinette would be offered the chance to take it up, he may actually rather be more peeved that it wasn’t saved for her before someone else filled it in

A new hero name Jason may potentially take is Cardinal. He takes it up either because dying never happened, so he never becomes Red Hood after Robin, or, he eventually rejoins the family and decides to take up a new one after dropping the RH name.

Damian coming around is going to be funny, here is why

Marinette and Damian would be about the same age at this point, so you have two ten year olds duking it out

One ten year old is trying to kill all the Robins

The other ten year old is trying to prevent the other ten year old from killing her brothers

Damian is a trained assassin that knew she had super strength because the LoA knows things it shouldn’t, but they also don’t have knowledge of Kryptonite or her invulnerability, so he isn’t prepared at all for her interference

Marinette is a semi-trained not-yet-vigilante with super strength, invulnerability, and a determination to pin down her new brother and tell him to stop trying to kill their brothers

She utilizes a lot of her knowledge from Alfred and gains some well earned but reluctant respect and wariness from Damian

All her pinning of him, something she only manages to do out of pure strength because her fighting skills are not as fine and sharp as Damian’s yet, allows for her to continuously rant to him about morals, her explanations of why he shouldn’t kill her brothers, and her thoughts on how terrible and inaccurate the teachings of the LoA are. He is forced to hear all of this, and, eventually, he actually listens

It helps that he also learns to stop attacking the other Wayne children because, with Marinette as their ever-vigilant protection and buffer, he has no hope of succeeding, so he might as well play nice

Damian still takes up the Robin mantle, Marinette letting him, as she has no desire for it yet

They’re both 15 when Damian decides to take off the Robin suit and, instead of continuing to pursue the Batman title as a ‘rightful heir’, wants to make his own name for himself

His new hero name is Starling

Marinette finally accepts the offer to be Robin

This is such bad news for the criminals, not going to lie, but so much fun for her, for the bats, and for us

First of all, the new costume

We all know about how the ‘traffic light’ might just be a way for Batman to be able to keep an eye on his kid while also making sure no one will hit them with their car when they run across the street like idiots without looking

But Marinette is invulnerable and also has enough fashion sense to demand she tine down the colors

She also has taken a liking to the idea of following in her dad’s footsteps and making her Robin look to be as dark, scary, and Cryptid-y as possible

So here is the suit:

The cape is black on the inside, the outside is an almost-black green that allows for blending into the foliage of all the ivy that grows all over the walls of the old buildings of the city

The eyes/lenses of her mask are gold/yellow instead of white, since it was the only place she was willing to add the color. It helped that it would create a creepy eye-glow effect

The body of the suit is black as well

The gloves and boots are a dark red, with an uneven fade into the black of her arms/legs. This causes an illusion of her having been walking through the blood of her enemies, while having also just removed her hands from the chest cavities of the last ones she dealt with. Obviously, she’s going for the scare-factor with that particular look, and Bruce is admittedly impressed with it, even if he disapproves of her making people think she doesn’t follow the no-kill rule

Over-all, the look is high-key intended to make her seem like a Cryptid, much like the Batman one is supposed to

Second! This is about the time all her other powers are going to be coming into the light

So Gotham and its criminals are introduced to a new Robin, and while it may seem nothing odd, they have another thing coming

Robin is suddenly creepy as hell, for one, especially with the dark and bloody appearance paired with the seemingly unnatural ability to be bendy and lithe

Robin is also much stronger, and a few of the smart ones decide never to engage her in combat.

Robin is also suddenly much faster than before, randomly at first, almost seeming to teleport. Rumor has it even Batman was shocked the first few times

Criminals started using insulated grips on their weapons because their weapons were getting unnaturally hot

Coats became common with the minions of villains, because hearing breathing from the shadows would sudden be accompanied by indoor breezes and temperature drops

Wait… is, is Robin, looming? Since when did Robin loom like that? When did they start being able to soundlessly move closer? Wait, hold on, since when did Robin’s feet not touch the ground??

They hate how suddenly they can’t hide things, either, Robin seems to know where they hid all their weapons, their explosives, their traps, their plans, everything

Evil people start hoping really, really hard that the shadow they just saw move is Batman, and only Batman

You guys get the idea, Marinette as Robin is effective and scary and no one outside the Bat Clan/Family know how she does it

Clark, over in Smallville, is dealing with all these new powers, too, and our thoughts go out to him not having as great an outlet for them as Marinette does

But hey! He becomes Superman at, like, 22, so we can skip right to that! In just a moment!

[Interlude: Hawkmoth.]

It is purely by accident that Marinette, 16 years old and still freshly mantled, finds him and ends up taking him down. It was supposed to be a very casual family trip to Paris, nothing more, and it went rather sideways for her instead.

The Justice League still has yet to be formed, so asking for help was simply hit or miss with wherever Paris sent the plea. The Waynes didn’t even know one had been sent to Gotham while they were gone, aimed at Batman, until after the family returned.

The family got caught up in the middle of a joint Akuma and Sentiminster attack, Marinette the only one able to escape fast enough to change into Robin. She joins the Ladybug and Black Cat superheroes in fighting, her presence both shocking and relieving them

She learns about her vulnerability to magic during the fight. She can take the physical blows just fine, but the moment she’s struck by a magical blast, she feels it like any other person. She got lucky that it wasn’t a terrible hit, or one with magical side-effects, but it did injure her, and painfully

The other heroes realize she needs more protection, and are able to offer her a Miraculous, which she accepts in an instant, not at all wanting to keep getting injured. After she transforms, the blasts no longer hurt her, and she can take the physical blows even better than she had before, not to mention she was loving the extra power-boosts on top of what she already had

No, using a Miraculous doesn’t hurt her or make her sick, because channeling or ‘wearing’ magic is different than being attacked with it (Plus, in DC canon, Superman is able to use magic items (it was a sword if I remember right) that can grant him powers and such. Having a vulnerability to something does not equal having a negative reaction to general contact with it.

“Just because a knife can cut you doesn’t mean you have to grasp it by the blade; grab the handle.” - SilverWhiteRaven)

Her X-Ray and 4-D vision powers start acting up, and this is where she purely by accident gets to see exactly where Hawkmoth and Mayura have hidden themselves while they wait the fight out. She does notice she can’t X-ray any of them while their Miraculous were transforming them, and she guessed it was another magic thing interfering with her abilities

As soon as the Sentimonster and Akuma are defeated, she informs the two local heroes about who she saw and where

They seemed uncertain, and a bit sad about the news, and guessed they may have had previously unknown personal connections to their villains

She helps them make a quick plan of action. They used the post-battle recovery time that usually happens, the short recharge period, to their advantage

The three of them storm the Agreste mansion together, and it’s all over before even a rush of adrenaline can kick in

Robin spends a short moment of time to monologue a rant on morality and heroism to the two defeated supervillains as their two abused Miraculous are recovered. She was pretty sure that by the time she finished her speech and left to rejoin her family, both heroes were looking at her like they had instant crushes

Ideas for the Justice League start up after learning about the hit-and-miss cries for help from Paris

[End Interlude: Alright, back to it!]

By 22, Marinette has gone through 7 years of being Robin, and also college, and she and Damian have joined Tim in running Wayne Enterprises. Tim can go take a nap now, and none of the other Waynes are going to let anything stop him

Marinette, the genius she is, has invested in Stuart Semple, the creator of Black 2.0, as her first move in the business, and that I will come back to in a minute

Superman reveals himself to the world, and, loandbehold, every member of the Bat Clan who are in on her secret recognizes that very power set he displays, and all eyes are on Marinette

She realizes, too, that suddenly, she isn’t the only one. Her escape pod was too damaged and missing too many parts after crashing to have given her anything about her original home, and now there’s Someone Else who might have answers!

Pulling herself together, she asks her dad to accompany her to Metropolis, all the way in Kansas (yes, I am doing that, it is way more logical to protect a whole country when the city you put yourself in is in the middle of the thing and not even over on the coast closest to Alaska and Hawaii)

Marinette, when she gets there, makes her way to the top of the tallest tower, Batman in tow as her overseer and moral/emotional support

She gets Superman’s attention by legit just yelling for him, because what else do you do from the top of buildings besides yell into the wind?

He shows up, a little confused, but mostly surprised by the sight of someone who looks a lot like him

She’s very nervous now, a bit scared that they’re wrong and that Superman isn’t like her, that they are nothing alike, and as she notices their similarity in appearance, is anxious about how high her hopes have suddenly become, and how far of a fall the disappointment will be. But a little reassurance from her dad in the shadows and she gets the words out

“Hi, I’m Marinette, and I was wondering- Well, I mean, I needed to know- Just- Wow this is hard, I’m not usually like this, uhm- Superman, are you- are we- did you come from the same place I did? Can you look at me, and- just x-ray me if you can do that, because I can, and if you can, too, that might mean… Well… Please..?”

His eyes are wide and disbelieving but he does it, he looks, and all the time that he, too, spent looking at himself with his X-ray and 4D vision, comparing his biology and it’s differences to that of humans, recognizes the traits of a Kryptonian in her. “Kia?”

Marinette tears up at his response, and chokes out, “I don’t know if that’s me, but please, I want to find out.”

Marinette is able to collect herself, as is Superman, enough to call Batman out of the shadows and introduce the two, explaining that Batman had ‘assisted’ (have to at least try to keep secret identities intact) in her raising and was simply acting as backup and support for her while she came to Metropolis

Superman invites her to visit the Fortress of Solitude with him, and she accepts, telling her dad to head home and, if things went well, not to expect her home for a few weeks, as she would be spending all of her time learning everything she could

There’s a lot of happy crying and comfort hugs the moment the Fortress welcomes her as Kia Jor-El, twin of Kal-El

Just like she warned Bruce, she spends weeks away in the Fortress, learning as much about Krypton as she can get

She listened to the holograms of her birth parents telling her stories, even the ones every Kryptonian child was told to scare them into behaving, or little tales told to teach morals. She didn’t care that she was already an adult, already knew all these lessons from human versions, but they were what she wanted to hear

Learning of old legends, gods, and mythical creatures were some of her favorites to hear, and she was determined to retell them to her family when she returned

She listened to a lot of kryptonian music, too, discovering it had just as much variety in genres and cultures as Earth

You can bet your bucks that she is going to be recreating Kryptonian instruments a to learn to use, as well as learn every dance the Fortress has recorded in its archives

She has a field day when she discovers there are kryptonian puzzle boxes she can recreate

Her favorite days, however, are when Clark comes by to check on her, finding her in the middle of the day, after yet another all nighter of reading Kryptonian non-fiction novels, and he orders her to bed. She doesn’t like the orders, but after the first time, she never complained again. Clark had left the Fortress after day three of them being in the Fortress, and came back to check on her a couple days later to find her sleeplessly tired and still reading. After forcing her to lay down, he convinced her to stay put if he taught her one of the lullabies he had learned himself. Now, every night he was with her in the Fortress, they either sung the Kryptonian lullabies together, to each other, or, fell asleep to the voices of their parents singing instead

Keeping true to the self-promise, when Marinette returned to Gotham, she excitedly told her family as much as she could

Dick, inspired by many of the stories, and wanting to pay tribute to his youngest sister’s heritage, asks if he can create a new hero identity

She happily agrees after asking Clark about it over the phone, and Nightwing is born

They laugh a bit at it, actually, considering that Robin’s colors are a tribute to the Greysons, and Nightwing is one of the Kryptonian Gods, and yet they’ve ended up swapped between them

Justice League time! This is my favorite part, where it gets into pure identity shenanigans

Give it a few more years before the whole idea comes together. Batman may trust his daughter’s brother, but he still needs to get to know him. They still butt heads often enough, but Marinette is a good, if exasperated, mediator that helps them settle down and come to agreements more

When the JL is finally founded, Marinette is 25, and Bruce is, in fact, only there for the official first day of it in operation

That’s right, Bruce retires!

After so long of fighting the corruption and crime of Gotham, there has actually been progress and improvement. Enough so that Bruce is comfortable with actually retiring as a field vigilante, instead joining the behind-the-scene bats by becoming Agent B

Who other than Marinette takes up the cowl of Batman?

She outright told Dick he can’t pull off the attitude for it, and even Damian could agree she was the best fit

There were, of course, questions of how she would hide the fact of Batman suddenly becoming a woman. After rolling her eyes and saying the fact that female armor doesn’t have to look feminine, she tells them that the answer was simple!

Stuart Semple

That’s right, Marinette was already planning to become Batman after her dad!

She also manages to convince Bruce to play a long-term prank on the JL, all the way from day one. What is the prank, you ask?

They don’t tell anyone except those within the Bat Clan that the cowl is being passed on, and no one will ever know that there was a new identity behind Batman

So, how is it pulled off? Like this:

For one, Bruce will reveal his identity as Batman as a sign of trust to the heroes of the JL

Then, immediately after, he will go home and hang up the cowl for good

Then Marinette is going to take out her redesign and take up the Batman role

The entirety of the new suit is going to be made with Black 2.0, and combining it with the cloak that will cover her whole body, a new full-face mask/helmet, full body armor, a speed that will keep pictures from getting clear pictures of even her profile, and her Kryptonian ability to masterfully manipulate her voice to keep the frightening baritones of her dad, her identity is securely secret, and the prank perfectly maintainable

Add in her own personal touch of changing the usual white eye lenses to gold, layering the cloak with a mechanism that raises and lowers the layers to allow for maximum looming height (where no one can tell if her feet are touching the ground) while also keeping it out of the way when crouching or keeping low, and you have a Batman that not only looks like a literal and legit void with creepy glowing eyes, but one that is going to be scaring the hell out of every single hero, too, when she walks by them in the halls of the JL

Really, it’s the perfect functional prank

It gets more fun every time she comes home from a mission and tells everyone about how her teammates kept commenting that they had worried about Bruce’s age, but with ‘him’ upping the scare levels and seeming to actually be improving in ‘his’ skills, speed, and strength, they find they have nothing to worry about

It’s barely a week in before she overhears a few people considering begging Batman to tone down the endless-void look, but she accidentally scares them off when they spot her, and she’s certain the prank is going to last a good amount of time now

Gotham continues to improve, enough so that the constant presence of Batman isn’t required, easily manageable by the other bats, even in lessened numbers

Most of the bats suspect Marinette taking up the cowl and the new look had a great deal of impact on the most recent crime drops

Bruce has taken to putting lawn chairs in the mansion’s library and using one of Marinette’s old sippy-cups for his evening scotch and cocktails, claiming to be catching up on a missed childhood, with an adult twist

Bruce discovers the Wii, and family game nights have become a thousand times funnier after all the wrist straps get lost

There’s something else Gotham and the JL notice after Batman ‘stopped holding back’ along with the new look. Batman got gentle

It wasn’t that he wasn’t gentle before, no; Batman has always cared about others. Has always treated the villains with humanity and made sure the ones that needed it got the treatments they needed, always made sure no one got hurt unjustly and no one died. Always made sure victims were looked after and safe. But now it’s a lot more

Batman becomes slower, softer, gentler when handling people, good or bad, ‘his’ fist a gauntlet of iron coated in the fluffiest of velvet and stuffed with plush cotton. He even began using words first a lot more, kicks and fists less and less

It boggles everyone this sudden new contrast, this scary as hell void, this renewed cryptid, this beastly monster of the night, having a heart light as a feather, pure as gold

In fact, oddly enough, it scares them all, heroes and villains alike, a hell of a lot more

Everyone knows never to underestimate someone who seems soft, and if Batman is already a better fighter than before, and softer than ever, then please, they beg in the names of the gods, what else is hidden under that cowl?

The prank still works wonderfully, of course, because no one connects the cryptid-ness of the last Robin, that everyone was told had ‘moved on from the Robin mantle’, with the improved cryptid-ness of Batman. Remember that ‘I sure hope it’s just Batman’ thing? Well now they’re frightened of Batman all over again, but they still fear the ‘Return of Robin’, because once again, if Batman has improved, what in the world has Robin been up to?

The prank finally ends with the decision of picking her duty over continuing to keep the secret

Themyscira is in need of some help, some problem there that the Amazonians can’t figure out themselves

Thing is, it’s a women-only place

So the decision is to volunteer for the mission, or keep up the prank

Obviously, she’s a good person and volunteers, deciding it’s time for the prank to be revealed

Thing is, she doesn’t say she’s a woman or even drops the deep scary voice before raising her hand and saying, “I’ll go.”

Everyone is dead silent and just stares

Her hidden straight poker face cracks and she stands up with a laugh, before she unclasped her cloak and drapes it over the back of her seat

Then she pulls off the full-headed mask/helmet, fully breaking the look of an endless void

Everything is dead silent still as everyone stares, before Superman drops his head into his hands, realizing what has been happening, and just bemoans, “Kia, why…”

That’s when the noise breaks and everyone looks at Superman, basically all asking, “WAIT, you KNOW her???”

Marinette is cracking up, trying to suppress her laughter as she subtly sends a message to her family not present at the meeting that the gig is up

Everyone quiets down when Batman stands and clamps a hand down on our unmasked Batman

“Everyone, this is Marinette, ex-Robin, Bruce Wayne’s daughter, and Kia Jor-El, my twin sister.”

It’s noisy all over again, and this time she can’t keep the laugh in

Diana, though, may or may not be dead silent, staring at Batman, and feeling very, very gay right now

Everything settles down eventually, and everything gets back on track, but it will be months before the JL members stop being absolutely disbelieving that they got bamboozled so well and for so long, and they may just be even more frightened of Batman than ever before

The Bat Clan gets a whole new round of laughs after Marinette returns from Themyscira and describes the reaction of the Amazons when Diana introduces Batman as one of the volunteering heroes, before remembering to also mention that Batman, despite the name and previous holder of the mantle, is indeed a woman

Also, considering that Kryptonians are functionally immortal when their powers are working, Marinette is basically permanently Batman now, and can watch over Gotham and everyone else for basically forever now alongside Superman and Wonder Woman

Good luck figuring out how to explain it when the public notices the youngest Wayne daughter isn’t aging any more

Imagine all the kids she’s probably going to end up adopting into the Wayne family over time, too. ‘Mominette’ is too valid to exclude, and this is absolutely going to be a moment of “Oh my god, it’s a learned behavior.”

AND THAT’S BASICALLY IT!! I really hope you liked this, I had so much fun thinking up this whole idea!!

Edit: Now has a Companion/Alternate Story! Krypto-Rogue Twins AU!!!