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enjakey · 24 days ago

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This New Version of Me

Pairing: [retired idol!Jake x family friend!reader]!neighbours

Hey guys. Apparently I love writing 24k word fics. It wasn't intentional I swear. Please do read it, I think this is a very nice story (wow what a way to advertise my shit, right?)

Anyways, I think I should mention that maybe this is a anger-triggering story for some fans? It's suggested that after 2027, their contract ends and they disband because they didn't want to continue as idols. And it's suggested that it's because of terrible fans and a harsh industry. So if you have an issue with that, don't read this. This is purely fictional so I hope people can read this by putting their emotions aside. Also I've accepted that I can't write smut for shit. There's just a lot of suggestive shit on her. And maybe mentions of Jake being a bit of a pervert.

Please enjoy guys- like, reblog and comment! I'd love to know your guys' thoughts. I love when people give detailed reviews.

Summary: after most idols retire, they usually have something to fall back upon, some sort of job or hobby waiting for them to return to the layman life. Jake, however, was struggling to find his way. At twenty-seven, he knew it would be a terrible idea to go back to studying, despite his love for physics. So, he dabbled back into the world of music, exploring his talents in song writing and exploiting his contacts for help. While back at his unfamiliar home from his childhood, his family of four living under one roof again, he’s reintroduced to Y/N, the girl next door, who he spent some of his childhood with.

i. where the applause fades

With his head hung low, Jake exited the Brisbane Airport. The entire space was empty, except for himself and the crowd of netizens grouped in front of him, waving and screaming for his attention. Men of the army and police officers held the crowd back with plastic shields and battens. Camera lights flashed in hundreds, his eyes glassing at the flares. He just stood there, defeated and alone in his wallow, beads of sweat rolling down the side of his neck. This was his first time being in front of tabloids and journalists without make-up and a fully styled outfit. He felt bare, naked as the world was going to see him as nothing but himself- no fame attached to his name, no contract with a big music company, no sight of what was to come next.

From a distance, he spotted his brother, Sam, craning his neck over the crowd with a look of pure worry and disappointment- in him or in the public? He couldn’t tell. He hated that it was the first thing he saw in his brother after years. As his chest weighed heavy, Jake bowed down to the tabloids and his fans, arms swinging by his side like weightless bags. Just then, he felt a hand grabbing his bicep- his brother, dragging him away from the ruckus and gripping his lone suitcase as they pushed through insistent bodies. The security guards tried to help the pair of brothers, bodies shielding them from harm but ultimately failing as cameras and microphones pushed through the empty spaces between their arms.

“How does it feel to be back?”

“Jake, one word, please!”

“How are the rest of the members?”

“Is this your brother?”

“Is it true?” Somehow, that was the one question that had Jake looking over his shoulder. “Is it true that you disbanded because you hate your fans?”

He turned away again, letting his brother shove him into his car. Sam threw the flimsy, silver suitcase into the back seat of the car and hurried to turn on the engine. People were slamming the glass of the windows, desperate for his reaction. Jake brought his shoulders together and tried hiding his face under his leather jacket, glasses knocking off his nose in the process. As Sam slammed on the accelerator, Jake bent to reach for his glasses. Neither of them looked back as the running crowd disappeared the further they drove from the airport. For a few moments, they sat in silence, gaze focused on the road in front of them as if it would diffuse the hovering awkwardness.

“Just one suitcase?” That was probably the first thing Sam said to him in person in years.

“Dad said he’d have the rest of my stuff shipped,” Jake grumbled, sulking into his seat and staring out the window.

As he crossed his arms and chewed on his lips, he found his eyes starting to water. He told himself that it was his body getting used to Australia’s sun after not being back for so long. But then he found himself biting back a whimper, chest on the verge of bursting as he held back his hiccups. Then he tried biting his cheek, teeth pressing into the soft muscle, but even that didn’t seem to help. The tremor in his breath betrayed him, a burn in his throat.

He exhaled shakily, finding his vision blurry. The golden afternoon turned into hazy streaks. He willed himself to stop, to push it all down, to pretend that the weight in his chest was nothing more than exhaustion from the long flight. But when he blinked, a single tear slipped past his lashes, trailing warmth down his cheek.

The events of the past month rushed back to him. First, it started with the newspaper headlines, cold and merciless, dissecting his and his band member’s every move, every misstep, every strained interaction between him and the people he once called family. The flood of hate, seeping through screens and whispering in crowded spaces, turning admiration into venom. The uncertainty, the sleepless nights spent staring at the ceiling, wondering if walking away was the right choice or just the only choice left. Then started the fights between his band members and the management, screams and disrespect thrown like daggers in dimly lit rooms, voices hoarse from anger and exhaustion.

At the end came the disbandment. The final press release; the public apologies and the rehearsed words that felt more like a eulogy than a farewell, the goodbyes. He couldn’t tell who was sincere and who was distant- over time, the seven had become great actors, a skill they needed to survive in front of tabloids.

No matter how hard he tried to forget, the past seven years wouldn’t leave him. They were stitched into his skin, echoing in every quiet moment, reminding him that once, he had everything. And now he had nothing but the weight of what used to be.

Sam heard him take a sharp inhale and frantically moved his eyes between the road and his brother. Jake, who had started sobbing into his arm, his nose digging into his jacket and breath halting every few seconds. Tears were streaming down his face, his hair matted onto his skin with a mixture of sweat and stress. He didn’t hear his cry in years- apart from the public breakdown he had over the death of their grandmother.

Swiftly, Sam pulled over to the curb and parked the car. He reached his hand to grip Jake’s forearm, trying to pry his face away from his jacket but he only curled into himself further, bringing his legs up to hug his knees into his chest. It was an ugly sight, for the first thing for him to see after years was his brother’s shattering reality and breaking heart.

“Jake,” he coaxed in a soft whisper. “Jake… Jaeyun, c’mon,” he tried and tugged in the hood of his jacket. Jake didn’t budge.

So, Sam got out of the car and strode over to the other side and opened the door. With an undeniable force, a force that said you have to do what I say because I’m your brother, Sam pulled him out of the car and made him stand in front of him. Jake wasn’t even able to stand- his knees gave out and he slumped into the car, body racking with sobs.

Sam pulled his brother in for a hug, his arms and chest engulfing him in a safe embrace. At first, Jake resisted, his fists pressing weakly against Sam’s chest, a futile attempt to keep himself together. His body was tense, rigid with everything he refused to let spill over. But then, something in him cracked. The fight drained from his limbs, his fingers unclenching as his hands clutched at Sam’s shirt instead, as if anchoring himself to something real, something steady. He let his forehead drop against his brother’s shoulder, eyes squeezing shut, breath shuddering as he exhaled everything he had been holding in.

He couldn’t handle it anymore. He wasn’t even sure what it was he was supposed to handle—what he was meant to endure, what unseen force had decided he was meant to be punished. Was it for leaving? For staying too long? For not fighting harder, or for fighting at all? It felt like no matter what he did, he had lost. Lost his band. Lost his purpose. Lost himself somewhere in the mess of it all. And now, standing in his brother’s embrace, he realized just how exhausted he was of pretending to be fine. His throat tightened, his shoulders shaking slightly. Sam only held him tighter, his warmth steady and unyielding, as if to say you don’t have to hold this alone.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Jake cried. He fisted his brother’s shirt, a desperate attempt to find some grounding in a world he suddenly found so unfamiliar. “What do you mean, it's all gone? What do you mean, I’ll never see them again? Live with them again? Laugh with them again? What do you mean, I won’t ever perform again? Sing again? What do you mean? What does that mean? No way everything we built, everything we suffered through together, just disappears like it was nothing? That the people who knew me better than anyone, the ones who were my family, are suddenly just… gone? That I wake up tomorrow and there’s no rehearsals, no stupid inside jokes, no late-night recordings that turn into early-morning breakdowns? That I don’t belong anywhere anymore?”

Sam rubbed his hand up and down Jake’s back in slow, steady motions, murmuring quiet reassurances, even if he wasn’t sure what to say. His grip was firm but gentle, grounding Jake as his body trembled with the weight of everything he had been holding in. “I know, I know,” Sam whispered, his voice soft, steady, a quiet anchor against the storm raging inside his brother. “Just breathe. I’ve got you.”

“What do you mean, I have to walk away? Just be okay with it?” Jake continued. “I don’t know what to do without them- I don’t know who I am without them, anymore. I want the last eight years back- take me back, Hyung. Take me back.”

Jake crumbled.

They must have spent close to an hour standing there, in the middle of the road, getting weird looks from pedestrians and other cars driving past. But Sam didn’t care. At that moment, he just wanted his brother to be happy. "You good?" Sam asked, voice low, careful not to break the fragile silence between them. He felt Jake exhale heavily against his shoulder before finally pulling back, his eyes red-rimmed and glassy, his face a mess of tear tracks and exhaustion.

Jake shook his head, voice hoarse, barely above a whisper, "I think I’m done crying for now."

Sam huffed a small, fond chuckle, squeezing Jake’s shoulder before nodding toward the car. "Come on, let’s get out of here before someone recognizes you and we end up on the news."

Jake let out a weak laugh- his first in what felt like forever- as he wiped at his face with his sleeve, taking a slow, shaky breath before finally following Sam to the car. The drive home was quiet, the kind of silence that wasn’t heavy or uncomfortable, just… there. Jake leaned his head against the window, watching the city blur past, his mind still too full, too tangled, but just a little lighter than before. And for now, that was enough.

“I feel like everyone hates me,” he mumbled.

“We don’t hate you,” Sam assured. “If anyone hates you, it’s gonna be Y/N. And that’s only because she hates everyone, so it doesn’t count.”

As soon as Jake stepped through the front door, the familiar scent of home- his mother’s cooking, faint traces of old wood and fabric softener- washed over him. It should have been comforting. But before he could even take it in, a voice from the living room caught his attention.

"In today’s entertainment news, the sudden disbandment of Enhypen-”

The sound cut off in an instant, replaced by the awkward shuffle of movement, the telltale click of a remote being fumbled with, and the kind of silence that felt too forced. Jake’s eyes flickered to the living room, where his parents and Y/N’s family sat stiffly, their faces caught in varying degrees of panic and guilt. And then there was Y/N, sitting closest to the TV, her back still half-turned toward the screen, the remote clutched so tightly in her hands that her knuckles had gone white. He could tell she was trying to play it cool, like nothing had happened, but his thoughts paced back and forth. The disbandment- like it was just another headline, another fleeting story for people to consume and move on from.

Jake stood at the entrance of the living room, the exhaustion in his face making him look older than he was. His body was still slightly tense from hearing the news, but before he could even process the awkward silence that followed, his mother was on him.

"Oh, my baby," Diane, his mother, whispered, her voice thick with emotion as she rushed to wrap her arms around him. "You're finally home." Jake barely had time to react before he was pulled into the warmth of her embrace. His mom smelled the same—lavender and something sweet, like vanilla. The familiarity of it made his chest ache. She squeezed him so tightly it almost hurt, but he didn’t pull away. If anything, he leaned into it, exhaling deeply against her shoulder.

"Mom," he muttered, his voice hoarse, but she only held him tighter, like she was afraid he'd disappear again.

"I missed you so much," she murmured, running a hand through his hair like she used to when he was younger.

"Diane, let the boy breathe," Rob, his father, chuckled, though there was no mistaking the sadness in his voice. He was next, pulling Jake into a firm hug, his palm pressing against the back of his head like he was grounding him. "Good to have you home, son."

Jake swallowed hard, nodding against his father’s shoulder before pulling away. He interacted with his father the least- a few texts and calls here and there. It was his mother he talked to the most. She would send him long texts and voice notes giving him updates about what’s been happening in everyone’s lives. Jake would respond to her religiously, grateful for how well she took care of him even while miles apart.

“Look at you,” his mom murmured, pulling back to cup his face, searching for his features like she was trying to recognize the boy she had sent off years ago. “Have you been eating enough? You look so tired, sweetheart.”

He let out a breath of something close to a laugh, though it barely had the strength to form. “I’m fine, Mom.”

His eyes flickered across the room, finally landing on Y/N’s parents. They looked kind, familiar- just as he had remembered them to be. "Mr. Y/L/N, Mrs. Y/L/N," he greeted, offering a small smile, trying his best to be polite. It suddenly took a lot of energy to not let his smile falter. "It’s been a while."

"Too long," Mark said, clapping him on the shoulder with a kind smile. "We’re proud of you, kid. No matter what."

Evelyn nodded in agreement, her expression gentle. "We were worried about you."

"I’m okay," Jake lied, his fingers twitching slightly at his sides. He wasn’t sure they believed him, but they nodded anyway, not pushing further.

Then, his gaze landed on Y/N. She was standing near the couch, arms crossed, posture unreadable. The room was dimly lit, but even in the low light, her expression was sharp, her eyes piercing. She hadn’t said a word since he walked in, but she didn’t need to. It was just like her to offer presence instead of words. Her silence was unwavering, a quiet force that had always unsettled him a little when they were younger. Now, after nine years of absence, it was somehow even heavier.

Still, something about seeing her here, standing in his living room, made his chest tighten. Nostalgia, maybe. Or something else entirely.

“Welcome back, Jake,” she said, voice low and so easy to miss if he hadn’t been paying attention.

She cracked him a smile and he could tell the action was unfamiliar to her. It wasn’t that she was deliberate about her demeanour- his presence was simply foreign and understandably so. At the time of his departure, she’s been his neighbour for eight years and known him for seven; interacted with him for five years and had actually been friends with him for two years. They hadn’t spoken since he left, and even before that, their friendship had faded into the background of time. She had been part of his life in varying degrees—first as a neighbor, then an acquaintance, then something like a friend before life inevitably got in the way.

In the long text messages his mother would send him, Y/N was mentioned a considerable amount of times. She told him about the story of how her first boyfriend got her in trouble with her parents and it had become a huge thing- so much so that even she and Rob had to get involved. She told him about how she loved high school and graduated top of her class, how she excelled in her university and graduated with a scholarship. She told him that she was a film and literature geek- he wasn’t sure what her preferences were, but he understood that she was learned, based on what his mother said about her quoting philosophers and artists. Finally, she told him about how Sam helped her get a job in the company that he worked in, the company their father founded. Jake even remembered joking about how this was next level nepotism.

Sam stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He stretched out his arms with a sigh. “Man, that was a long drive.” His voice cut through the tension like a knife, effortlessly lightening the air. He glanced at Y/N, then at Jake, then smirked slightly, though there was no real mischief behind it. “I was telling him on the way here that he’s got a whole welcome party waiting.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “We’re not a party.”

“Close enough,” Sam shot back.

Jake watched the pair interact, an unexpected banter between them. He figured, in his absence, the two would become close in some manner. With Sam a staggering nine years older than her, he had somewhat become a mentor to her. There was a quiet understanding between them, one built on shared experiences and, perhaps, the same unshakable support Sam had always offered Jake.

Jake wasn’t sure why that realization unsettled him. Maybe it was because he had been gone long enough for dynamics to shift, for people to form new bonds that didn’t include him. Maybe it was because, once upon a time, Y/N had been a familiar presence in his life, and now she felt like just another part of the home he no longer recognized.

Sam turned to Jake, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “You should eat. Mom’s been cooking all day like she’s trying to feed a whole village.”

Jake exhaled slowly, exhaustion catching up to him. “That sounds nice.”

His mother beamed, tugging him toward the dining room. “Then let’s get you something, sweetheart.”

Sam lingered behind, watching as everyone disappeared into the kitchen, their parents fussing over Jake like he was a child returning from war. The room slowly returned to normal conversation, but the weight of the evening still pressed down on them all.

That night, Sam found himself having a hard time sleeping. He had helped Jake into his old bedroom- his old bedroom that had been untouched with the same bedsheets he had when he was fifteen and the soccer ball that he hung on the wall against dark blue paint. He thought he’d have a hard time being back but with the exhaustion that his body had succumbed to, he crashed onto his bed and started snoring before he could even cover himself with the duvet.

Sighing, Sam went downstairs to the kitchen to find himself a cold glass of milk. It was a habit that he never grew out of- only being able to fall asleep after a glass of milk. Jake had the habit, too. He wondered if that changed.

To his surprise, and perhaps dismay, he saw his mother sitting on the dining table with her head held in her hands. She looked scared, confused and maybe even a little sad. Sam circled over to her, pulling out a chair and sitting down beside her. She didn’t lift her head, just sighed deeply, fingers threading through her hair. The kitchen light cast soft shadows across her face, making the exhaustion in her features even more pronounced.

“You should get some sleep,” Sam said quietly, his voice rough from the late hour.

She let out a soft, humorless laugh, “I could say the same to you.”

Sam huffed, glancing down at the marble countertop, “I can’t sleep.”

His mother finally looked up, her eyes glassy, “me neither.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The house was quiet, save for the faint hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of the floorboards upstairs.

Then she spoke again, voice hesitating, "is he going to be okay?” Sam leaned back in his chair, running a hand over his face. “I don’t know,” he paused, then shook his head. “He will be. But not if we leave him to his own thoughts.” She nodded, swallowing hard. “He’s never been good at being alone.” “Exactly,” Sam said. “That’s why we need to keep him busy. Not with work—he’s had enough of that. But just… keep him around people. Keep him moving.” His mother exhaled, rubbing her arms as if warding off a chill, “what do you have in mind?” “Anything,” Sam said. “Dinners, game nights, small outings. Even just sitting with him in silence. He won’t say it, but he needs to feel like he’s not alone. The second he starts feeling like everything’s slipping away, like there’s nothing left for him here, that’s when we lose him.” His mother flinched, her fingers curling into the fabric of her sweater. “Yeah, you’re right.” “I’m sure everyone will help,” Sam assured her. “We’re here, Y/N and everyone is here… I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

She nodded, knowing that there was no point wallowing over her questions now. She stood up and tucked her chair back in, patting Sam on his shoulder. “Get some sleep, honey. You have work in the morning.”

ii. the art of distraction

Jake's days settled into a fixed timetable.

Every morning, before the sun would rise, Jake and Sam would drive to their neighbourhood gym. Sam was always chatty, breaking the early-morning silence with comments about Jake’s form or rambling about something completely unrelated- work, old high school stories, or how their mom had tried a new recipe and nearly set off the smoke alarm. Jake mostly listened, throwing in a smirk or a sarcastic reply here and there, but for the most part, he let Sam fill the silence. He would just focus on the burn of his muscles- something real, something tangible. It was the one part of his day that didn't require thinking.

Then, Sam would drop him home, always commenting on how he should drive the other car himself before leaving for work with Y/N. He would shower and would come downstairs to find his mother making breakfast. She would be flipping through an old, worn recipe book, even though he knew she wasn’t following it. She never did.

He would grab a knife and roll up his sleeves to help her. Cooking had always been something they did together. When he was younger, he’d stand on a stool beside her, asking endless questions about how flavors worked, why this spice was better than that, why she never measured anything properly. Even when he moved away, he had carried that love for cooking with him. But now, back in this kitchen, surrounded by the warmth of home, it felt different- like a small piece of his old self was still intact.

After breakfast, he would mostly just sit around the living room and keep his mother company. He would catch up on all the films he’d missed or watch one of the many crappy reality tv shows. Sometimes, he’d mess around on the new guitar his father bought him and see if he could get any pleasure out of it- he’d just end up learning how to play one of their old songs and cry to it. His mother had walked into him sobbing on his guitar a handful of times by now, Layla, his dog, whimpering with him at the foot of his leg.

Other times, he’d go on strolls in his neighborhood. The streets felt both familiar and unfamiliar, like a place he should know but didn’t quite belong to anymore. The same jacaranda trees lined the sidewalks, their petals scattering across the pavement just like they had when he was a teenager. The houses stood as they always had, their porches filled with potted plants and old bicycles, but the details had shifted- new fences, different cars in the driveways, fresh coats of paint that made everything feel slightly off.

The corner store where he and Sam used to stop for sodas was gone, replaced by a boutique café with sleek wooden interiors and baristas who didn’t recognize him. He’d sit inside sometimes, nursing a coffee he barely drank, watching people come and go. The world here had moved forward without him, and he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to catch up or let it pass by.

Some days, he took his skateboard instead, coasting down the streets, feeling the rough pavement under his wheels. It was easier than walking. At least when he was skating, he had something to focus on. Something to keep him moving.

He passed by the Y/L/N's house often, its warm, homey feel still intact. The front door was a deep green now- had it always been? There were wind chimes on the porch, a new set of potted flowers lining the steps. It was the same house, but time had settled into its bones. Just like it had with everything else.

The inside of their house looked different than he had remembered- they must have renovated it. Their garden, which connected to the garden in his house (which it didn’t used to when Jake first left), had towering plants and flowers while his only had grass and a fence. Their walls were lined with pictures- mostly family and group pictures but also many stills of Y/N either smiling at the camera or posing with style. Their house also looked more like an office while his looked more homely- the architecture looked like it belonged in a magazine and the colors they picked definitely weren’t conventional with splashes of orange, white and black. He was told that Y/N’s room, which was on the third floor, looked completely different from the rest of the house but he never got the chance to verify. For lunch, he’d find himself at their house anyway. Everyone, including his parents and brother, would gather around their huge dining table- one he didn’t even remember them having- while Evelyn passed around freshly cooked meals. Lunch was a lively affair, filled with stories and laughter, the air thick with all the moments he had missed over the years. They told him about how Sam nearly ruined Y/N’s graduation ceremony by showing up drunk, swearing he was just “a little tipsy” before tripping over a row of chairs and nearly face-planting in front of the dean. They told him about the time Rob and Mark nearly burned down the Y/L/N's kitchen attempting to cook a “simple” breakfast- Y/N had walked in to find flames licking the stove and two fully grown men panicking with a fire extinguisher. “It wasn’t that bad,” Rob argued, shaking his head. “We handled it.” “We evacuated the house that day,” Y/N deadpanned. Then there was Y/N’s first day at the office, where the employees had tried to surprise her with a welcome cake—only for the whole thing to go spectacularly wrong when her desk collapsed under its own weight. They told him about the neighborhood barbeques, how they became a regular thing- big, boisterous gatherings where half the street would show up, filling the backyard with laughter and the smell of grilled meat. And then there was the Taiwan trip last year, when Y/N somehow got separated from the group in a crowded food street and was eventually found ten minutes later, teary-eyed and clutching a bag of dumplings on the sidewalk. Mark, being a journalist, had even more stories to tell_ wild, absurd, sometimes downright unbelievable tales from his travels, filling Jake’s mind with images of distant cities, bizarre interviews, and once, a near-disastrous encounter with a monkey in Thailand. Jake listened, soaking it all in, the warmth of it settling somewhere deep in his chest. It was strange, hearing about these moments second hand- knowing that life here had kept moving, even when he wasn’t around. One evening, Jake found himself in their backyard with Mark who told him that he’d teach him how to grill on the barbeque. That night, they were set to have a barbeque so an arrangement of raw meats and vegetables were laid out beside them with burgers and hotdog buns. The sun was dipping below the horizon, casting an amber glow over the wooden deck and the neatly trimmed lawn. The air smelled of fresh-cut grass, charcoal, and the promise of a good meal. “Alright, Jake,” Mark’s charcoal-covered hands send specs of dust flying in the air as he clasped them together. “First rule of grilling- don’t burn the food.”

Jake grinned at him. “We used to grill a lot, actually,” he admitted. A sense of nostalgia and longing washed over him as he thought back to the time Niki tried his first smore or the first time everyone realised how good a chef Jay was. He remembered how Sunoo would just sit there and wait for his food to be plated and how Sunghoon would tease him for it or how Heeseung was a messy eater.

“Oh, yeah?” Mark looked at him, surprised, and it occurred to Jake that he was probably the last person to watch all the episodes of Enhypen’s variety show. En-O’clock truly had Jake experiencing all the things he would have never experienced before- if it weren��t for the other six, he would have probably been buried six feet under.

“Yeah, I helped out when I could,” Jake nodded with pride. “But honestly, I’d let Jay do the work if he was there,” he realised that throwing out names was probably a bad idea. Expecting Mark to even know the names of these people was too much to even fathom.

But to his surprise, Mark hummed and continued to fan the burning charcoal. “Jay… I think your mom has mentioned him,” she pondered in thought. “She’s mentioned all of them to us- she tells me she keeps in touch with their families, too. I think that’s quite heart warming.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jake cleared his throat and adjusted his posture, tilting his head in surprise. “I think, when we first debuted, she met Jay and Heeseung’s family.”

As Mark started placing skewers of meat on the grill, they heard grass rustling behind them, followed by a string of barks. Layla came bounding into the yard with her tongue flapping in the wind. She ran into Jake and he kneeled to hug her, ruffling her fur and kissing her head. “Hello, Layla. Did you miss me?” He chuckled.

Behind her, Y/N stepped in, looking mildly amused at the scene before her. She had her work bag slung over one shoulder, her hair slightly tousled from the wind, eyes flicking between Mark and Jake at the grill.

"Hey Dad, hey Jake," she sighed in exhaustion, setting her bag down on the patio table. She waddled into her fathers embrace and he kissed her temple. Jake smiled at their interaction. “I forgot we were having a barbeque tonight- makes sense why Diane gave me that top today.”

“A top?” Mark raised a brow in question.

“Yeah, she told me she’d seen a top online that she thought would look really good on me,” she pulled it out of the plastic bag she was holding to reveal a blue and white striped shirt, cropped at the hem and sleeves pre-folded. “She said she’d ordered it a while back and it just came.”

“That’s sweet of her- Diane has good taste,” Mark nodded. “You should go in and show mom. You look exhausted. Maybe take a nap and freshen up before you come back down, sweetheart?”

“In a minute,” she nodded and crouched down to meet Jake’s eye level, her attention going towards Layla. “How are you, Jake?” Her gaze refused to meet him as she scratched Layla’s chin and let her lick her hand.

Over the past few weeks, he realised that he and Y/N never actually conversed alone. It was always during lunch with the entire family around and she would throw a quip or acknowledgement at him. Or it was alone with Mark or Evelyn or Sam or with his parents. It was almost like Y/N had set it up that way, that he would only get to know the crumbs of her life through interactions she had with her family or his family, but never with him. Everything he knew about her was secondhand.

“I’m good,” he pursed his lips.

Before he could ask a follow-up question, she was already leading the conversation. “Rob was telling me that you started thinking about work and stuff.”

“Oh,” his voice trailed. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to talk-”

“No, that’s alright,” Jake stood up and she followed, letting Layla circle around their legs and Mark go back to grilling. “Yeah, I’m not sure if I want to work at his company, though-”

“That’s exactly what I told him,” Y/N crossed her arms. “There’s no point in forcing it.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you have anything else in mind?”

“I was thinking, maybe,” he cleared his throat again, feeling his mouth drying up and turning sour. He licked his lips, running a hand through his hair. The conversation was bringing him more stress and anxiety that he liked. But he knew it was high time he started thinking about his future- he couldn’t keep living under two roofs without contributing in some way or the other. “Maybe song writing- I thought I’d reach out to people. I’ve got connection-”

“Song writing?”

Jake was startled by the way her expression contorted. Her brows raised and she tilted her head. He couldn’t tell if it was disappointment or confusion. “Yeah, I wrote a couple songs in the band and people seemed to like it, so-”

“I think that’s a great idea,” she said followed by a nod from Mark. “If you’re confident, then we’ll support you. Right, dad?”

“Yup,” Mark smiled at him.

“Alright,” Y/N clasped her hands together, looking between Layla, Jake and her dad. “So, I’m gonna go take a nap now. Call me when everyone’s here.”

By the end of the barbeque night, Jake was exhausted- mentally exhausted. He hadn’t expected that simply walking around with a beer in hand, making small talk, and reintroducing himself to old neighbors would be so exhausting. His parents led him from group to group like some long-lost son returning home, their pride evident in the way they beamed at him.

It wasn’t long before the recognition started. Some people hesitated before approaching, unsure if they should bring it up, while others were bolder—asking for pictures, throwing casual remarks about his band, even suggesting he play something for them. Each time, he forced a polite smile, shook his head, and laughed it off, but Sam, watching from a distance, could see the telltale signs. The tight grip around his beer can. The stiff nods. The way his jaw clenched just a little harder every time someone mentioned music. He wasn’t just tired. He was simmering, barely keeping it together. He didn’t realise he had to keep up the duty of being a celebrity even after retiring. It was moments like these where he wished Enhypen didn’t do that great- that maybe becoming global idols wasn’t as glamorising as people made it to be- he should know, they resigned because of it.

Most of the night, he was thinking about how much he didn’t know about his family. Or was it families? He didn’t know what to consider Mark, Evelyn and Y/N anymore. His mom was buying Y/N clothes and his father was discussing the future of his career in concern with them. Sam was spending his free time in their house, watching their television- they all had lunch in their house like it was a ritual. Y/N would visit his house first after work before going back to her home- she kissed his mom on the cheek before her own, and looked for Sam in a large crowd before her dad. She spent her mornings in his hall waiting for Sam and Rob to get ready so they could go to work and usually ate his mom’s breakfast. How much was he underestimating how close they were? How much was he distancing himself? He couldn’t tell.

That night, before sleeping, he found himself wandering into the kitchen for a soda. The house was quiet now- he wasn’t used to his house being quiet. It was usually filled with laughter or the buzz of the television, conversations on politics or another stupid topic Y/N was hyperfixating on, the barks of Layla who was now sleeping in her bed in his room.

Funnily enough, he found Sam standing by the fridge with a glass of milk in his hand, the soft glow of his phone screen illuminating his features while he scrolled through an article intently. When he opened the fridge, Sam jolted with surprise at the company. He hadn’t heard him wandering in.

Jake smirked, the light of the fridge casting a glow on his smile. “Still got that weird milk habit, huh?”

“And you still get hungry in the night?” Sam chuckled.

Jake shrugged. “People always tell me it’s unhealthy,” he started, pulling out a can of soda and popping its lid open. “But look at me, I’m shredded,” confidently, he took a sip from the can, a childlike mischief playing on his face.

Sam smiled, watching his brother slowly return to something resembling his old self. It was subtle, almost imperceptible at first- small changes that anyone else might’ve missed. But Sam noticed.

It was in the way Jake had started cracking jokes again, slipping in dry remarks like he used to. The way he joined conversations without needing to be coaxed, adding his own thoughts instead of just nodding along. He still had his quiet moments, still seemed lost in his head sometimes, but there was a shift- like the weight on his shoulders wasn’t as crushing as before.

Tonight, especially, felt different. There was something familiar in the way Jake leaned against the fridge, soda can in hand, relaxed despite the exhaustion clinging to him. Sam knew it would take time- maybe a long time- but at least now, he had hope.

“How was your day?” Sam asked.

“Good, for the most part. Hated that barbeque but I should start getting used to it, I suppose,” he shrugged. “Y/N was asking me about what I wanna do for my career today.”

“What?” Sam laughed. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, she was talking about what dad had said the other day, that I should work with you in the company. But I don’t want that,” he took another sip of his soda. “I told her that maybe I’ll dabble in song writing, composition, shit like that-”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Sam nodded and finished the last of his milk. He moved to wash it, making sure Jake caught the support in his voice.

“That’s exactly what Y/N and Mark said,” Jake mumbled. “I didn’t know you guys talked about me to her- or anyone. I didn’t realise everyone’s that concerned”

Sam didn’t know what to say for a moment. Was he meant to scold him for not realising that obviously his family would be concerned for him? Was he meant to apologize? Was he meant to feel guilty for discussing him? Was he meant to defend himself and everyone that cared about him?

“We worry,” Sam agreed. “And we don’t want to pressure you.”

“Right,” Jake nodded. “But why Y/N? She’s so young, she’s barely getting started-”

“Isn’t she the same age as Jungwon?” Sam pondered. “Wasn’t he your leader?”

It wasn’t until Sam said it that Jake realised the resemblance. Jungwon was strong-willed and while being young, he was still the most responsible and considerate of them all. Jungwon led an entire group while still figuring himself out, just as Y/N navigated a demanding career while proving her worth in a room full of people older than her. They weren’t the loudest or the most assertive, but their quiet confidence commanded respect. They adapted, learned fast, and took responsibility even when they didn’t have to- because that’s just who they were. It was like they were cut from the same cloth.

“Y/N has just always been like this,” Sam continued. “It’s been easy for most of us to talk to her about things in general- work, family, life. She’s the most unbiased. So her judgement usually isn’t cloudy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “In the company, after me, everyone expects her to take over.”

“You’re joking,” Jake quipped.

“She’s got the sharpest instincts in the room. You’d think she’s too young, but she carries herself like she’s been doing this for decades,” Sam said with pride.

“I can’t lie,” Jake finished his soda and threw it in the trash. “I see it.” It was in her mannerisms, the way she deadpanned and quipped at everyone, looked out for him when she didn’t have to, worried about him along with his parents. Jake saw it, he saw how strong-headed she was.

“And also, to be honest. Maybe there’s some bias involved,” Sam admitted. “She’s like the daughter mom and dad never had.”

“Oh,” Jake said.

“And think about it. You and I are like the sons Mark and Evelyn never had. So, yeah, I guess we’re like one big family. We’re all gonna look out for each other.”

You and I. Me. Jake was part of the equation- he always was.

iii. safety nets- distractions

Sam had always been the kind of older brother every kid wished for. Seven years older, he was more than just a sibling- he was Jake’s first best friend, his coach, his protector. It wasn’t like their parents were absent or lacking in any way, but with the age gap between them, Sam had naturally taken on the role of looking out for Jake. He made sure Jake never felt lonely, never felt like the little brother who was too young to tag along.

When Jake was a kid, Sam would spend entire afternoons with him in the backyard, coaching him through soccer drills like he was training a professional player instead of a scrawny seven-year-old who could barely kick straight. Sam never got frustrated, never told him to give up- he’d just laugh, ruffle Jake’s hair, and say, “Try again, little man.” And Jake would, every single time, because if Sam believed he could do it, then he had to at least try.

Even when Sam got older, when he had his own friends, his own responsibilities, he never stopped making time for Jake. It wasn’t forced—it never felt like an obligation. Sam just showed up. If Jake had homework he was struggling with, Sam would sit next to him at the kitchen table, breaking down math problems like it was the easiest thing in the world. If Jake needed a partner for a science project, Sam would make a mess of their living room building whatever ridiculous contraption Jake had dreamed up. And if Jake was having a rough day, Sam just knew. He wouldn’t ask too many questions; he’d just hand him a controller and say, “One round of FIFA, loser. Don’t cry when I win.”

School trips were something else entirely. When Jake was in middle school and parents were required to chaperone, it was Sam who showed up instead. He was already in college by then, but he never acted like it was a hassle. He’d lean against the classroom doorway, arms crossed, a knowing smirk on his face, and suddenly every girl in Jake’s class was whispering and giggling behind their hands. “Oh my god, is that your brother?” they’d ask, eyes wide, and Jake, half-annoyed but mostly proud, would groan and mutter, “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Sam never made a big deal out of it, but he always made sure Jake had fun. Whether it was guiding their group through a museum or sitting with Jake at lunch so he wouldn’t have to awkwardly find a spot, Sam had this way of making things easy. And for Jake, who had spent his whole childhood looking up to his older brother, that meant everything.

Even now, after all these years, after everything Jake had gone through, Sam was still showing up. Still watching out for him, just like he always had. So when Jake realised Sam had the entire family looking out for him and keeping his empty space occupied, he wasn’t surprised, just grateful. They had woven a silent but careful web of distractions around him, filling every gap in his day with something, anything, so he never had to sit alone with his thoughts for too long. It was subtle, never suffocating, but now that Jake thought about it, he realized just how much effort had gone into keeping him occupied.

His mom made sure he spent time in the kitchen, roping him into preparing meals like he used to, subtly reminding him of the simple joys of cooking. His dad and Mark invited him to his workshop, handing him tools and asking for help with fixing things that probably didn’t even need fixing. Evelyn would constantly ask him to set the table or carry their groceries in, making sure it was mundane enough to not raise his suspicions, to make him feel useless. Sam dragged him to the gym with him in the mornings, making it seem like an impromptu decision every time but never once letting Jake refuse. When dragging him to malls or the theatre, he’d bring Y/N along with them, pitching new movies they could watch or propose to go to the arcade.

“You’re pushing forty,” Y/N would say every time.

“I’m not even thirty-five, yet,” Sam would respond every time.

Y/N was rather the silent one. Jake knew, from whatever Sam had told him, that she cared about him. She could pretend like she forgot him, didn’t like him, was obligated to him, but he still knew she cared. She wasn’t the type to do things or ask questions to people she didn’t care about. Everyday, without a doubt, she would ask him how his day was and if he did anything worthwhile. She would run past his room every morning to greet him, brought him a cup of coffee- his favourite, mocha latte- after work and by the end of the day, she would tell him, without fail, to sleep well. It was become a routine, predictable. And Jake didn’t know if he was allowed to find comfort in that.

She even started approaching him more often. He could be with Sam or he could be alone but she would approach him and tell him about her day- how Sam annoyed her a little more than usual or how her favourite barista in the coffee shop she visited regularly had been fired. She would tell him about how Diane and Evelyn often conference called her while she was at work, hoping to catch up with her but their timings were so bad that they’d always call her while she was in a meeting and she’d always get in trouble. She told him about how when she first started work, she used to spend longer working hours stretching into the night and how Rob used to scold her for it.

“I keep thinking I need to prove myself when I fail to realise that I already have.”

Somewhere, somehow, she became the easiest distraction. Most of the time, she didn’t even have to speak. Y/N never even liked speaking to fill the silence. She never tiptoed around him or treated him like he was fragile. If she wanted an answer, she would ask him. If she wanted to go on a walk, she invited him. If she had to run an errand, she’d drag him and Sam along. Sometimes, she didn’t even say anything- she’d just hand him a cup of coffee, sit down next to him, and that was that. No questions, no expectations. Just quiet company.

Y/N’s life wasn’t a construct of secondhand interactions anymore to him- she was starting to become clearer and clearer in his head.

That afternoon, Y/N’s words about wanting to prove herself rang in his head, repeating like a broken tape recorder while he sat on his bed, guitar in his hand. A pile of crumpled sheet music was strewn across the room, a notebook with crossed out lyrics sitting in front of him. Frustrated, he started playing his guitar, trying to find a new melody. She continued in soft, uncertain strums that didn’t quite fit together , like puzzle pieces forced into the wrong places. He played them over and over again, fingers ghosting over the strings, brow furrowed in frustration. The words were harder. Every line he wrote felt hollow, every phrase too forced, too distant from what he actually wanted to say.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair before flipping through the notebook again. The scratched-out lyrics stared back at him, taunting. Maybe he was trying too hard. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be this complicated. How did he do this so effortlessly during Enhypen?

“Sounds great.”

Startled, Jake flung his head around to find Y/N leaning against his doorframe, arms crossed and a grin gracing her lips. She looked like she’d just woken up, hair in messy curls and her frame still dressed in pyjamas. They had a holiday at work, so he figured she must have slept in. Sam didn’t even wake him up for gym that morning- he went alone.

“No,” Jake shook his head. “It’s horrible,” he buried his face in his palms out of defeat. “I’m so done,” he grumbled.

“Can I help?” She sauntered into his room and he was suddenly aware of how messy it was. Jake was usually the clean type. He liked making his bed every morning. Folding his laundry and vacuuming his floors were something he loved doing during Enhypen, especially because he was roommates with Niki for a better half of their run together. But now that he was home, he had a habit of slacking and pushing everything to the last minute. It probably wasn’t a good idea.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, glancing at the pile of discarded sheet music on the floor. “I don’t even know what I’m trying to say anymore.”

Y/N didn’t respond immediately. Instead, she wandered around his room, stepping over balled-up pages and pausing by his desk. She picked up a crumpled sheet, smoothing it out before reading the half-formed lyrics. Jake watched her carefully, waiting for her to laugh or make some sarcastic remark. But she didn’t. She just hummed under her breath, tilting her head slightly like she was piecing something together.

“This isn’t bad,” she finally said, tapping her fingers against the paper.

Jake scoffed. “That’s generous.”

She ignored him, walking over to his bed and plopping down without a care. “What’s it about?”

He hesitated, his fingers tightening around the neck of his guitar. “I don’t know yet. I thought I did when I started writing, but now…” He exhaled sharply. “Now, it’s just a bunch of words that don’t make sense together.”

Y/N tilted her head. “Then maybe that’s the problem.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “You’re trying to write something without knowing what you want to say. It’s like…” She paused, thinking. “It’s like setting out on a journey without a destination. No wonder you’re going in circles.”

Jake stared at her. He stared at the way she sulked into his headboard, her matting down on her neck. He stared at the way she didn’t think the way they were sitting was odd, with his hand only a breath away from hers, their knees on the verge of touching if either of them moved. Y/N stared back at him, unbeknownst to what was going on in his head. Sam had told him that when they were younger, after Jake had gone off to become a trainee, Y/N had fallen asleep in his room a plethora of times. She would say his room had better ventilation, that his mattress was softer and hers was old and musty. Back then, Sam and the parents thought she just didn’t like being away from Sam because she’d grown attached to him by then. Seeing her now, leaning against his bed like it was her most natural reaction, made him wonder how often she slept over.

Y/N might not tiptoe around him anymore, but he still did.

“You’re right,” Jake swallowed, gulping down his thoughts. “I’m tired.”

Y/N got up from his bed, making her way out. He wasn’t sure what else he expected her to say, just grateful that she said anything in the first place. Was he allowed to expect more from her? The girl he abandoned all those years ago to chase his idol dreams? Was he even allowed to expect things from her? He realised he never really asked, never really apologised.

“Have you eaten yet? Your dad’s calling you down for breakfast.”

Later in the day, while the sun stood at its highest point, Jake found himself crossing their garden to enter the Y/L/N’s house. He was wearing one of his better outfits- a pair black layered baggy jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket to match. With a cap on his head, he sauntered into their house with his hands shoved into his pockets. Upon entering, he saw Evelyn sitting on the couch with her laptop, typing away at whatever work she had to complete. Mark and Y/N were nowhere to be found.

“Hey, aunty,” he chirped.

“Oh, Jake!” Evelyn exclaimed, surprised to find him standing in front of her. “I didn’t even notice you,” she smiled, removing her glasses.

“Sorry,” he scratched the back of her neck. “Um, where is everyone?”

“Oh Mark and your dad went out for a drink, if i’m not wrong,” Jake hummed. “Y/N is upstairs, I think. You can go check. You’re going for a movie right now, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, Sam’s waiting for her,” Jake pointed a thumb behind his shoulder as though Sam would suddenly appear. He was still sitting on the couch, surfing through television broadcasts with a lazy hand. “He sent me to get her.”

“She must be in her room, honey. Third floor.”

Shyly, he walked up the stairs, feeling Evelyn’s gaze on him until he disappeared up the corner. Jake wasn’t sure why he felt awkward about wandering their house alone. He’d done this multiple times already over the past few weeks and when he was a child- but, granted, their house hadn’t been renovated by then. It was, however, his first time seeing Y/N’s room. Sam had told him stories about her room- yes, stories; not descriptions- like it was mythical. He said her room looked like it came out of Pinterest, perfectly decorated with just the right amount of furniture and trinkets on her walls. He told him about the huge mirror that stood on one of the walls facing the balcony and how it was impossible to take a bad picture in it. He himself had only been inside a handful of times and one of those times included accidentally falling asleep on her bed. He told him that it felt like sleeping on a bag of clouds and swan feather- Jake told him to stop exaggerating. When Y/N found out he slept on her bed, she didn’t speak to him for a whole day. She hated people being in her room.

When he reached the third floor, Jake hesitated. He looked down the hallway and he just knew the door to the right was her room. He didn’t need to check or ask. It exhumed a calling towards him- Jake almost laughed to himself.

Taking a breath, he knocked on her door once. Then twice, and then a third time. He didn’t hear an answer. He frowned and shifted on his feet, wondering what to do next. It couldn’t hurt to just walk in, right?

Cautiously, he turned the knob and cracked the door open, expecting to find her asleep or listening to music on noise cancelling headphones. But he didn’t. Her room was empty but warm, lived-in, but meticulously put together. The sunlight streaming in through the glass wall illuminated the soft, neutral tones of the space- creamy whites, muted beiges, and the occasional deep green from potted plants scattered near in the balcony.

A large, unmade reading chair sat in the corner by a low bookshelf overflowing with books, some stacked haphazardly, others lined neatly. A small lamp with a warm golden glow rested atop it, its light currently off, but Jake could picture her curled up there at night, reading with a cup of tea in hand.

The walls weren’t cluttered but were far from empty. Polaroids were pinned above her desk, some curling at the edges, capturing frozen moments of laughter, travels, and blurry candids of people he recognized- Sam, Mark, Evelyn, his parents. There were a few framed prints scattered among them- ocean waves, constellations, and delicate ink sketches of marine creatures and pictures of her friends, wide smiles pointing at the camera.

The infamous mirror Sam had mentioned stood tall against the opposite wall, its frame sleek, pink and simple, catching the golden sunlight at just the right angle. The bed beside it was neatly made, adorned with soft linen sheets and an assortment of pillows in varying sizes and textures and stuffed toys, one of a shark and another of a dragon. A folded throw blanket was draped over the edge, looking inviting but untouched.

Her desk, however, was the only thing that looked truly used. Papers were stacked unevenly, a notebook left open to a page filled with scribbled notes, and a coffee mug- half full- rested dangerously close to the edge. A pair of reading glasses sat beside it, as if she had just been there moments ago.

Jake took a step inside, his gaze drifting toward the open balcony door, where sheer white curtains swayed lightly in the breeze. It smelled like her- vanilla, salt air, and something distinctly familiar yet hard to place.

Unashamed, Jake took a picture of himself through her mirror to find that Sam was right- it wasn’t possible to take a bad picture in it. It captured the lighting perfectly. Then, he let his fingers dust through the books on her shelf- some that looked brand new and others that looked mangled and lived in, a lone spiderman comic amongst them. Curiously, he opened a book titled “An Apprenticeship or The Book of Pleasures,” flipping through it to find sticky notes, annotations and doodles. It was a thin book but it seemed to be her favourite.

As Jake’s eyes roamed the room, they landed on a partially open door tucked beside the bookshelf. It was subtle, almost blending into the wall, but its presence felt deliberate. Curious, he took a few steps closer, pushing it open further to reveal a spacious dressing room. The sound of a running shower filled the air and he realised she must have been taking a shower.

The soft scent of her perfume lingered in the air, mixing with the faint traces of fabric softener. Shelves lined the walls, holding neatly folded sweaters, carefully arranged shoes, and a row of coats hanging in perfect order. A sleek dresser stood against the far side, a small jewelry stand resting on top, glinting under the warm overhead light.

It felt personal, almost too personal, and for a brief moment, he considered stepping back. But something about the space- about Y/N herself- made it impossible to ignore the quiet attention to detail, the way everything seemed placed with intention.

When he turned around, he spotted how the bathroom door was left cracked open. He didn’t mean to notice it- he almost felt guilty when he realised what his eyes landed on. But somehow, as sheer curiosity took over to him, he found himself stepping closer to the bathroom door. Through the crack, he could see the green tiles and white paint in her bathroom and a rectangular mirror that hung above the basin. In the mirror, he saw Y/N’s reflection, face calm and unmoving as she lathered soap onto her naked arms. In that moment, Jake should have ran- abort and pretend like he never saw anything.

But he couldn’t move.

His feet planted onto the ground and his eyes continued to roam, his hand clutched the center of his shirt as though he wanted to reach for his heart. He could see the perk of her nipples, the valley of her breasts and her curve of her waist- her waist that he was sure he could wrap his hands around in perfect harmony. Then, his eyes moved to her mouth- her mouth that was singing something, her lips wrapping around the lyrics of a song he couldn’t hear while she rinsed off soap with a handshower.

Jake should have left by now- he could hear his heart telling him to leave, screaming to him that this wasn’t right, that he’d seen too much already. But then his dick twitched and he didn’t know what to do anymore. He simply stood there, watching her shower and sing, her hair wet and reaching the curve of her ass, hands touching herself as the water glided down her body.

But perhaps it was when he saw her reaching the handshower between her legs that his conscience snapped back. He turned away, launching himself back into her room as quietly as he could. He left her room and ran back down the stairs, his heart pounding in his ears as though he had done something criminal- it might as well have.

He saw Y/N naked.

Y/N. Naked.

He knew about five people that would beat him to pulp if they found out he was peeping like some sort of creep. He felt creepy- he felt icky… but somehow, he didn’t feel guilty. Scared, petrified, confused at how his body was reacting, icky, disgusted even. But not guilty. So much so that he knew that night, he would end up fisting himself at the thought of her and her naked on top of him, doing all the filthy things one could imagine.

“Is Y/N not there?” Evelyn asked when he stumbled down the stairs, a dazed look on his face. She was still on the couch, doing work, her glasses sitting on the bridge of her nose.

“Um, she’s showering,” he stumbled on his words, biting his lips, then his cheek. He looked everywhere but at Evelyn, Y/N’s mother, unable to get the thoughts of her slapping him if she found out what he just saw.

“Are you going to be late for the film?”

“Oh, no, we have plenty of time,” he assured, swinging his arms around aimlessly and tapping his foot.

“Then just wait for her honey, I’m sure she won't take long.”

And he did wait for her, sitting beside Evalyn on the couch with his hands clasped on his lap, innocently scrolling through his phone while all the ocean’s waves crashed in his chest. He received a message from Sam, asking what was taking so long, but Jake didn’t reply. He was too stunned to reply, to sit there and tell him that she was showering and that he’d seen her in her shower, naked and sexy with water dripping all over her.

“Is she still not down?” Evelyn’s disappointed sigh brought Jake back to reality. He could hear her tutting, reaching for her phone, presumably to call Y/N. “It says her phone is busy. Do you mind going up and checking again, Jake?”

Hesitantly, tentatively, Jake made his way to her room again. He stood in front of her door and stared, her brown, wooden door that taunted him and ridiculed him and shamed him- he willed himself to try and forget, to move on and pretend like it never happened.

He knocked. And he heard her voice.

“Mom? I’m on the phone, could you give me a minute?” He heard her yell.

Jake gulped. “It’s Jake.”

“Oh, sorry, come in!”

So Jake opened her door for the second time, this time finding her sitting on the edge of her bed in her pajamas, her damp hair falling down her back in subtle waves. She held her phone to her ear, mumbling something to her friend before hanging up. Jake stood at the entrance, his hands awkwardly hanging on his side. He just stood there and stared and Y/N must have caught on to his off behaviour and titled her head.

“Everything ok?”

Jake opened his mouth before his brain formed words to speak. When he realised, he closed his mouth again, raising a finger instinctively to figure out what to say. Suddenly, his tongue felt too big to fit in his mouth.

“Movie?”

“Oh, right, I forgot!” Y/N jumped out of her bed and made her way back to her dressing room. “I’m so sorry, give me a minute to change and I’ll be right down.”

Relief- and disappointment but Jake wouldn’t let himself admit it- was the only thing he felt when the movie ended and he, Sam and Y/N were working their way down the mall and into the parking lot. He could hear Y/N rambling about the philosophies and cinematography that the movie held and normally, Jake would have things to say about it too. But he stayed silent, looking around the mall and focusing on the kids running around with chocolate in their hands and the couples that wandered around the shops and boutiques.

The whole drive back, all he could think about was Y/N- the way he could feel the heat radiating between them when she absentmindedly sat beside him in the theatre, how their hands would brush against each others while reaching for the popcorn or how they’re feet kicked together whenever they laughed at a scene in the film.

It was nothing, really. Just small, meaningless touches. Accidental. Unintentional. But then why did it linger? Why was he still thinking about it, even now, watching the headlights of passing cars blur into streaks?

He glanced at her in the passenger seat, illuminated by the faint glow of the dashboard. She was scrolling through her phone, completely unaware of the hurricane in his head.

He exhaled slowly, turning his gaze back to the window.

This was stupid.

But for the first time, he wondered what it would be like if it wasn’t.

iv. i can be your batman, you be robin

Unexpectedly, one evening, just as he was about to fall asleep, he received a phone call. On his screen flashed the names of people he once felt the most familiar around, ones that once made up his entire world- Jay. Heeseung. Sunoo. Niki. Sunghoon. Jungwon.

His heart clenched. It had been a while. Too long. His thumb rushed to accept the call and suddenly, the once-familiar faces filled his screen. The room was instantly flooded with overlapping voices, laughter, and exclamations.

“Jake Hyung!” He heard Jungwon screaming, his bunny-lime smile filling his screen. “Did we wake you?”

“Watch him fall back asleep, he’s always the first to sleep,” Sunoo laughed with a hand on his mouth.

“No, no. This is… this is good,” Jake chuckled and rubbed his eyes. “Hey… I’ve missed you guys.”

Jungwon grinned. “We figured we should all check in. It’s been a while, huh?”

“Too long,” Heeseung nodded. “It’s weird not seeing you guys every day.”

“We used to be in each other’s faces twenty-four seven,” Niki chimed in. “Now my mom complains that I sleep too much.”

“Same,” Sunghoon said. “My sister actually told me I’m annoying.”

They talked over each other, voices colliding in a chaotic but comforting mess. Someone was complaining about their younger sibling, someone else was recalling an old inside joke, and before long, they were all laughing- loud, raw, unfiltered laughter. The kind that tightened his chest but made it feel lighter at the same time.

They reminisced about late-night practices, the exhaustion that only they could understand, the little traditions they had before going on stage. They talked about their families, about adjusting to life outside the limelight. Everyone had found their way home, but that didn’t mean they didn’t miss what they had.

“Remember that one time we got locked out of the dorm?” Niki suddenly said, his eyes bright with mischief.

“Oh god,” Jay groaned. “Not this story again.”

“No, no, let him tell it,” Jungwon grinned.

Niki leaned forward dramatically. “So, picture this: we just finished practice at like, 2 AM, right? We get to the dorm, and guess what? No keys. No phone. No manager to save us. And it’s freezing.”

“I remember Sunoo was about to cry,” Sunghoon smirked.

“I was not!” Sunoo shot back, scandalized. “I was just- mildly concerned for my well-being.”

“Sure,” Heeseung drawled. “Anyway, we had to sleep in the practice room that night, right? I think I used Sunghoon as a pillow.”

“Worst sleep of my life,” Sunghoon deadpanned.

“Best sleep of mine,” Heeseung grinned.

Jake listened, letting their voices wash over him. He laughed along, but there was an ache in his chest, subtle but persistent. They were all home now, living different lives, adjusting to the quiet after years of chaos. But no matter how good things were, no matter how much they pretended, there was still a part of them that missed it. Missed each other.

“We really went through it, huh?” Jungwon mused after a moment, his tone softer now.

“Yeah,” Jake murmured, shifting against his pillows. His voice held something else, something unsaid.

Silence stretched for a second, not awkward, just… heavy. They all felt it.

Jay was the first to break it. “So, Jake. What have you been up to?”

Jake ruffled his bangs and mulled over the question for a minute. What was he doing? Passing his days with the aim of starting another day the same way? Letting his family members take care of him like he was still a broken child? Writing unworthy music in hopes of making a career? He was too embarrassed to even say, especially when everyone else seemed to have so much going on.

Sunghoon had started training children in ice skating and with his background, companies were flocking for him to be their employee and even raised his salary by threefold. Jay was working in his dad’s travel company like he was always meant to. Jungwon took up karate again and was hoping to partake in championships. Niki started working in a dance company with his sisters. Sunoo was looking to tie up with cosmetics brands and hopefully create a line of vitamins and skin-care. Heeseung found a job as a music teacher in a local high school and he said working with passionate students was more fulfilling than he had expected.

“Just with family, at the moment,” he admitted. “Seeing if I can write any music to send to labels.”

“That’s great, man!” Heeseung chirped. “I knew you’d get into something like this.”

“Yeah, he bet on it,” Niki laughed.

Jake chuckled. “Yeah, I hope it goes well.”

“How’s the family?” Sunghoon chirped.

“They’re all well. They’re great,” Jake nodded. “My family and my neighbours' family are really taking care of me.”

“Neighbour? Oh, Y/N’s family?”

To be honest, Jake barely mentioned Y/N to them. He was surprised when they even remembered. There were times in the night when he’d remember her existence and stalk her instagram to find recent posts of hers. He watched her grow up to be the woman she was through her instagram posts and through the group pictures and selfies his mother would send him. He showed them what she looked like once through a selfie his mom and her had taken. She was probably only seventeen at the time and he remembered everyone calling her cute and moving on.

“Yeah, her,” Jake said. “I’ve been getting close to her and my brother again, so that’s good. We spend a lot of time together.”

“That’s good, Hyung,” Sunoo said. “I’ve been getting in touch with my old friends, too.”

“It’s good to have family around at this time. I’m glad, Jake,” Jay said.

The call stretched on for longer than expected. No one seemed in a hurry to hang up, even as yawns slipped in between conversations and the glow of their screens cast soft shadows on their tired faces. They were scattered across different places now- different homes, different lives- but for a little while, it felt like nothing had changed. Like they were still the same boys who had once fallen asleep side by side in the practice room, the same boys who had spent years navigating the chaos of their dreams together.

The laughter came in waves, filling the quiet spaces between their words. Some stories were old, retold so many times they no longer needed the details- just a name or a phrase was enough to make them all break into knowing smiles. Others were newer, updates on their lives, glimpses into what came after. They made their families and pets greet everyone, parents asking children how they were doing only to be answered with feigned assurances. The rhythm of their voices, the way they spoke over each other without thinking, the ease in which they slipped back into old habits- it was comforting. But beneath it, there was something else, something unspoken.

It wasn’t the same. It would never be the same. But for now, it was enough.

Eventually, the energy began to dip, the laughter turning into softer chuckles, voices growing slower, heavier. Someone yawned, then another. One by one, they began saying their goodbyes, reluctant but inevitable.

“Let’s do this again soon,” Jungwon said, his voice laced with sincerity.

“Yeah,” Jake murmured. “Soon.”

The screen flickered as each face disappeared, until only his own reflection stared back at him in the dim light. Then, finally, the screen went dark.

Jake lay there for a moment, his phone resting loosely in his hand as he stared up at the ceiling. The room felt quieter than before, the weight of the silence settling over him like a blanket. His chest was heavy, filled with something indescribable- a strange ache, a quiet longing. All he wanted to do was hug them one last time- but at the same time, there was a lightness to it. A warmth.

Y/N barged into his room after work. She had tied her hair into a ponytail but it wasn’t so proper with loose strands of hair sticking out and her hair frizzy due to the heat. She had a LEGO set in her hand that she bought before coming to his house upon hearing that he hadn’t left his room since the morning. She hadn't seen him during lunch either, so she knew something must have been going on in his head.

“What’s that?” Jake asked. He was sitting on his bed, guitar in his hands as he went through the old songs he had sang. Layla slept in his bed, curled into a fluffy ball with her tongue poking out of her mouth.

“The Titanic LEGO set,” Y/N said, proudly smiling at him with her teeth peeking from behind her mouth.

“That’s insane- isn’t it nine thousand pieces? How much did you spend on this?”

“What? Oh, shut up,” Y/N grimaced at him. “Just start it with me, it’ll be fun.”

“Did my mom put you up to this?”

She grimaced at him again. “No. Do you think I babysit people on command?”

“Alright, Alright, sorry.”

Jake glanced at her, a small smile forming. He knew she wasn’t forcing him into this- if he had said no, she would’ve left without another word. But she had come here, straight from work, with this giant LEGO set and an easygoing smile, and for some reason, he didn’t want to say no.

They worked in comfortable silence for a while, sitting on the floor, occasionally breaking into small conversations about the day or laughing at silly mistakes they'd made. The pieces clicked together rhythmically, the scattered instruction sheets spreading around them like a map.

Half an hour later, the door creaked open again.

Sam leaned against the doorframe, eyeing them both. “Okay, I was wondering why it was so quiet. What’s going on here?”

Y/N looked up, tucking her knees under her chin. “We’re building the Titanic.”

Sam snorted. “Of course you are.” He walked in, plopping down beside them with no hesitation. “Let me guess, Jake didn’t actually want to, but now he’s taking it way too seriously?”

“I-” Jake started, then realized he had no real argument. He was taking it seriously now.

Y/N smirked. “Pretty much.”

Sam laughed, grabbing a piece from the pile. “Alright, scoot over. If we’re doing this, I’m not sitting on the sidelines.”

And just like that, the night stretched on, filled with soft laughter, scattered LEGO pieces, and the quiet comfort of being around the right people.

“You know, we had a group call last night?” Jake said while cleaning up for the night. Sam had gone downstairs to help set the table and Y/N agreed to have dinner at their place. The three were barely able to make it quarter way with the LEGO set and agreed to work on it in the coming days.

“Oh?” Y/N said, rubbing dust off her hands.

“Yeah, it was nice,” Jake nodded.

“Just nice?”

“I mean, no. Obviously, it was great,” Jake laughed. “It’s just… it feels like a terrible break up.”

“I get what you mean, Jake,” Y/N nodded and moved closer to him to test the waters. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as he collapsed into the bed.

He buried his hands in his hair. “We laughed, joked, even argued over stupid things. But the whole time, I knew the call was gonna end, and everyone would go back to their own lives. And I don’t know why, but that kind of sucked.”

Y/N didn’t say anything right away, just watched him as lay still on his bed. Over the past months, she’s been watching how his mood fluctuated. Some days, she and Sam were sure he was getting his spark back but then, something happens to bring his mood down- he’s reminded of something. He’s mentioned in the news, he reads an article about Enhypen. Y/N realised it was all about being patient with him.

“Do you think you made a mistake? Disbanding?”

Jake shook his head. “No. But it still stings.”

She nodded, letting the silence settle for a beat before she nudged a LEGO piece towards him. “Well, at least you guys haven’t disappeared from each other’s lives completely.”

Jake glanced at her, then at the LEGO in her hand. “Yeah. Guess that counts for something.”

“It’s okay to miss, Jake. I’m sure they miss you too.”

That night, before falling asleep, Jake cried into his pillow for the second time. It wasn’t the kind of crying that came with loud sobs or shaking shoulders—just a quiet, tired release. His face pressed into the fabric, muffling the uneven breaths as the weight of everything settled in. The group call had been good- really good- but it had also peeled back something he hadn’t been ready to look at so closely.

He missed it. He missed them.

And that night, through his tears, he wrote a song. He wrote a song that spilled out all his guts- about Enhypen, about his loneliness, about Y/N, about himself.

v. almost, almost- and then

The anniversary dinner was vibrant- Diana and Rob were beaming at their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, their hands intertwined under the table as they soaked in the love around them. A grand chandelier hung from the center of the ceiling, its crystals reflecting soft specks of light across the room. A grand piano hummed softly in the background, the melody weaving effortlessly between bursts of laughter and the gentle clinking of silverware against fine china.

Each table was set with crisp white linens, polished silverware, and delicate wine glasses that caught the flickering candlelight. Floor-to-ceiling windows reveal a breathtaking city skyline in the distance, the lights of the buildings shimmering against the deep indigo sky. A soft murmur of conversation fills the space, blending with the distant notes of a live jazz band playing in the corner- smooth, unintrusive, the perfect background to the night.

Servers glide seamlessly between tables, refilling glasses of expensive wine and delivering beautifully plated dishes- filet mignon drizzled with a rich reduction, fresh seafood resting on beds of saffron-infused risotto, vibrant salads topped with edible flowers. The air carries a mix of aromas- seared butter, truffle, aged wine- all adding to the indulgence of the evening.

Rob and Diane recounted how they first met as college students. Rob was a business major, Diane a hard-core history major and their paths only crossed due to an elective that neither of them took seriously. He sat behind her, always borrowing a pen and forgetting to return it, and she never let him live it down.

The first time they met outside of college, it was due to a mutual friend who invited them to a bonfire and since then, they’d become friends. Diane was the type to dissect novels over coffee, eyes lighting up as she talked about themes and subtext, while Rob would listen, teasingly pretending to understand before admitting he was just there for the caffeine. She thought he was annoyingly charming; he thought she was terrifyingly smart.

Their love wasn’t immediate- it grew in late-night study sessions, in shared laughter over bad takeout, in the quiet understanding of knowing someone will always show up when you need them.

It wasn’t until a particularly disastrous double date- where Diane was set up with someone else and spent the entire night wishing she wasn’t- that she finally realized it. She left her date at the restaurant, showed up at Rob’s apartment unannounced and professed her love for him.

They got married a few years later, not in a grand wedding but in a small ceremony surrounded by close friends and family. Their love wasn’t about dramatic declarations or fairy-tale intensity- it was about showing up, about choosing each other, over and over again.

And that’s exactly what they had been doing ever since.

When Rob finished telling their story, the table erupted in applause and sappy praises. Y/N, caught in the warmth of the moment, glanced across the table and met Jake’s eyes.

Just for a second. It meant nothing, but a small part of her wished it would.

He smirked slightly, barely perceptible, before taking a sip of his drink. She shook her head, looking away, though there was an undeniable heat crawling up her neck.

Meanwhile, Mark and Evelyn passed them their anniversary gift, a coupon for a cooking class with a famous chef that was coming into town and everyone burst into laughter.

“Mark, your cooking skills are just as bad as mine,” Rob jabbed at Mark but accepted the joke anyway.

Jake gifted them a custom made wine that they promised they’d crack open for a taste back at home. Sam got them a custom made vinyl that included all their favourite songs. Y/N gave them a handmade photo album of the pictures she’s taken of them since she’d known them- from when she was thirteen to twenty-five.

Jake nudged her with his shoulder, wiggling his brows. “That’s an impressive gift,” he praised. “How’d you think of it?”

“To be completely honest,” she started, ignoring the strength of his gaze, the heat of how close his face was. “It was last minute,” Jake laughed and leaned back, finishing the last of his drink as Y/N rolled her eyes. Sam caught sight of their exchange, signaling towards her in curiosity. She simply shook her head and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Y/N didn’t know when she started looking at Jake differently. The crush she had on him when they were children had long faded, dissolving into something distant and unremarkable. When he left, the pedestal she had placed him on disappeared too, replaced by the cold realization that life moves on, with or without the people you thought would always be there. For years, Jake existed to her only in memories- half-formed recollections of laughter in sunlit backyards, inside jokes that lost their meaning over time, and the echo of a boy who once felt larger than life.

And then he came back.

At first, he was just a fragment of the past- familiar but distant, like an old song she used to love but hadn’t listened to in years. She recognized him, but she didn’t know him anymore, not really. He was Jake, but he was also someone entirely different.

Somewhere along the way, though, things shifted. She saw him in the in-between moments- the way he loosened his tie at dinner, the way he leaned back in his chair, quiet but present. She caught the subtle changes in him: the ease in which he navigated conversation, the flashes of his old self woven into someone more composed, more grounded. And somehow, without realizing it, she had stopped seeing him as just a remnant of childhood and started seeing him as a man.

And that realization unsettled her more than she cared to admit.

The dinner wound down in a way that felt natural, warm, and just a little bittersweet.

After the last round of toasts, the servers brought out a beautifully plated anniversary dessert- a chocolate cake with the words Happy Anniversary decorated on it. Diane and Rob, still glowing from the celebration, shared a quiet moment, their hands intertwined as they took the first bite.

Conversations softened as people settled into a comfortable post-meal haze. The older family members reminisced about past anniversaries, the younger ones grew restless, and somewhere in between, Y/N, Jake, and Sam found themselves caught in the cozy lull of it all.

Jake leaned back in his chair, swirling the last sip of wine in his glass. Sam checked his watch, subtly nudging Y/N to start thinking about heading out. Evelyn and Mark joked about who would pick up the tab this year- Mark swore it was his turn, but Sam already had his card out.

Eventually, coats were retrieved, hugs were exchanged, and Diane and Rob thanked everyone for making the night so special.

Outside, the night air was crisp, and the city hummed with life. The family stepped onto the sidewalk together, still wrapped in the lingering warmth of the evening. Mark and Evelyn walked ahead, their laughter carrying through the night, while Diane and Rob strolled behind, their hands intertwined as they whispered to each other.

Jake and Y/N fell into step beside one another, a quiet comfort settling over them as Sam guided them to the car. Sam drove and Y/N sat up front, leaving Jake to his phone in the back. Occasionally, Jake would catch Y/N’s eyes looking at him through the rearview mirror and just as fast as he’d catch her, she’d look away and back at her phone.

“It’s nice to have parents that are so in love,” Sam said.

“Thirty-five years,” Jake said. “That’s crazy.”

“Do you think we’ll ever have that?” Sam mused.

“I can’t lie, Sam,” Y/N started. “I thought you’d be married by now.”

“I’m still young.”

“Mom and dad got married in their twenties.”

“Shut up, Jake.”

Sam had his fair share of love stories when it came to his dating life. He dated a few people during high school, then in college but once he started working, looking for someone that wanted commitment was like looking for a needle in a haystack. He’d been on a plethora of dates before. Some were set up by his friends, others by his parents but nothing seemed to work out. He even had a phase, not many years ago, where he was desperate to settle down and even prayed to God that he’d get married soon and start a family.

Jake didn’t know about that phase.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone, Sam,” Y/N said to him, rubbing his arm before concentrating on her phone again. “I’m sure we all will.”

“Aren’t you too young to know what you want?” Sam asked, unbeknownst. He’d forgotten what it was like to be her age, to be young and filled with hope about what the future could hold. At his age, he’d started losing hope and entered into a stage of acceptance.

“I don’t know,” Y/N shrugged. “I know what I want now. God knows how I’ll feel five years later, right?”

“Five years go by fast,” Sam sighed.

“Yeah tell me about it,” Y/N scoffed. “I can’t imagine pushing thirty- I don’t know how you did it, bro.”

“The hits just never stop coming,” Sam rolled his eyes and the other two chuckled. They caught each other’s gaze again, this time deliberate and unmistakingly.

Jake’s fingers tapped idly against his knee. “Pushing thirty can’t be so bad,” he mused, his voice just a little softer. “Depends on who you’re spending it with.”

Y/N’s breath hitched, barely perceptible.

Sam, completely unaware, let out a dramatic sigh. “If you two are gonna start getting existential, I might actually drive this car into the river.”

Y/N tore her gaze away first, shaking her head with a quiet laugh. But even as she looked away, she felt it- Jake’s stare, lingering like a thought left unfinished.

When Sam parked in their garage, he said he’d see them at the Y/L/N’s house. Their parents had already made their way there, buzzing to open the bottle of Jake’s wine. Y/N and Jake found themselves stuck in the hall, leaving them in the aftermath of the evening.

Y/N sank into the couch, exhaling as the evening settled into her bones. The soft hum of the house filled the quiet, but it felt different now- like something was brewing beneath it. She barely had a moment to gather her thoughts before Jake walked in, a glass of water in hand.

“Here,” he said, handing it to her.

His fingers brushed against hers as she took the glass, and she swore she felt it more than she should have. She lifted it to her lips, taking a slow sip, before setting it on the table. When she glanced back at him, he was still looking at her.

“You look really beautiful tonight.”

“Thank you,” she cracked him a grin, letting her hands fall to her waist to feel the fabric of her black dress, hugging her curves in all the right places. He looked at her like he knew exactly what was underneath- which he did but she didn’t know that. “You look quite dapper in the suit, too,” she said.

Jake chuckled with a nod, ridding himself of his blazer before collapsing beside her too. Jake loosened his tie, letting out a slow breath as he settled beside her. His shoulder brushed against hers, not by accident, and she felt the warmth of him seep through the space between them.

“I forgot how exhausting these things could be,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Really?”She let out a laugh. “You’ve been to bigger events than this as an idol, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “But it’s different.”

“Right,” she nodded. “What was it like? The idol life.”

Since he’d been back, this was the first time anyone in his family had asked him the question. It almost felt like everyone was tiptoeing around it- knowing but not knowing, avoiding but begging. When Y/N let the question spill from her mouth, it felt like a weight had lifted.

“Haven't you watched any of our videos? Interviews?” Jake asked and felt himself frown when she shook her head.

“I’ve listened to your music and everything,” she admitted. “But the rest… your mom watched everything. Like every single thing and sometimes, if I’m in the hall, I’ll watch with her. I’ve seen glimpses. That’s all.”

“That’s fair,” he said, bringing his lips between his teeth. “Life isn’t the way they show it on the internet, anyway.”

“I figured,” she said. “I heard it’s rough.”

“It is- especially I-Land. God I hated it,” he groaned. “But, to be honest, we had it easier than some of the other groups.”

“I don’t know how you’re surviving,” she said. “The past eight years of your life- it’s just been non-stop. Albums, interviews, tours, filming, cameras 24/7. Makes me wonder if you had time for anything else.”

“Like what?”

“Life in general, I guess?” Y/N shrugged. “You never got to experience all the normal things in life- college, dating, friends, family.”

“I meant, the members were my friends- we basically lived a lifetime's worth together,” Jake leaned over to take the abandoned glass of water. “Plus, we all have dated before,” he said, slowly bringing the rim of the glass to his lips and keeping a cheeky gaze on Y/N perked expression.

“Is it?” She raised her brows.

“Yeah, well it wasn’t like a priority,” he dabbled. “I wasn’t a monk but yeah. I’ve been with people,” he placed the glass in its previous position and rolled up his sleeves. The veins in his arms burgled, the muscle wrapped around his bones all the more evident. Y/N pretended not to notice.

“People? Plural?”

Jake shrugged, resting his arm on the back of the couch. “I mean, not a lot. I wasn’t out here having some wild double life. But it happened.”

“Who?” she pressed.

He gave her a look. “You expect me to name names?”

“Obviously.”

Jake laughed under his breath, shaking his head. “A couple were people in the industry- idols, dancers. People who got it, you know? No attachments, no drama. And then a couple outside of it, whenever I had the time.”

Y/N processed that. It makes sense. He had spent years balancing an insane schedule, under constant scrutiny. A full-fledged relationship must’ve felt impossible. Not just because of time- though that was reason enough- but because of the pressure, the expectations. The way love, for him, could never just be his. It belonged to headlines, to speculations, to strangers who thought they knew him better than he knew himself.

She could picture it now- the missed calls, the messages left on read, the late nights where exhaustion pressed heavier than longing. The way something as simple as meeting someone for coffee could turn into a scandal overnight. How could anyone sustain something real under those circumstances?

And yet… Here he was.

Sitting beside her in the quiet, where no cameras could reach, no voices could interfere. Just them. She glanced at him, at the way his fingers rested on his knee, the way he looked at her like he was waiting for something- an answer, maybe. Or maybe just for her to understand.

“What about you, Y/N?”

“What?”

“How was your life?” He continued, moving on from their previous conversation. “You know, after I left.”

“You say that like we were close,” she chuckled.

“So?” He pressed. “Go on, I wanna know.”

“I feel like you don’t really know me,” she said, resting her head on the couch. “Like, you’ve missed a lot.”

Jake blinked. “What do you mean?”

She exhaled, rolling her lips together like she was deciding whether to say it at all. “You were gone for a long time, Jake.”

He didn’t argue.

Y/N studied him for a moment, finding regret in his glassy eyes. “You weren’t there when I had my first friendship break up and Sam had to lull me to sleep- you know what I mean? Like, you weren’t there to know.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t there, I got it.”

“failed my first job interview because I was so nervous I forgot my own name.” She laughed at herself, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “And I spent a whole year thinking I wanted to be a photographer before realizing I wasn’t actually any good at it. And I took a break year after high school because I was so depressed and lost that I just wanted to rot in bed. This was after the remodeling so at least I got to do that in style.”

Jake watched her closely, his chest tightening with something complicated, something that feels a lot like regret. He should have been there for those moments. Not just the milestones, but the quiet, insignificant ones, too. The late-night doubts, the tiny victories, the way she figured herself out piece by piece.

He missed it all.

“Now, even my closest friends are scattered in different countries. The only people I ever really had were my parents and your family,” she said. “Sam was really the only person I trusted for a really long time.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not that serious, though. I know I say it like a sob story,” she laughed. “I’m so content with where I am now.”

“I’m glad, Y/N,” Jake trailed off, letting his fingers find a place on her knee. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know why it felt so weird when you left,” she continued. “I think you were my first introduction to life… you know that quote? Nothing stays the same? You made me realise that.”

Jake swallowed, hard.

“Y/N…”

“No, seriously,” Y/N smiled again, trying to assure him that he needn’t feel guilty. But talking about herself for the first time felt freeing. For the longest time, it was always about him- his problems, his issues, his needs and his protection. Now he was listening to her, all the sorrows, grieves, wins and achievements that made her who she was. “I love my life right now.”

“I should have stayed in touch,” he whispered.

Y/N let out a small scoff, but there was no real bite to it. “Yeah, well. You didn’t.”

The silence that followed was thick, stretching between them like a thread pulled too tight. Neither of them moved, neither of them spoke. The hum of the house felt distant now, drowned out by the weight of everything that had been left unsaid.

Then, softly- so softly that Jake almost didn’t hear it- Y/N murmured, “I hate you a little bit.”

His stomach twisted. It wasn’t the words themselves, but the way she said them. Fragile, unguarded. A quiet confession laced with something bitter, something vulnerable. She hadn’t meant it, not really. But it still landed somewhere deep inside him, settling in the space between regret and longing.

Jake exhaled slowly, tilting his head as he studied her. “Yeah?”

She nodded, watching him carefully. “Yeah.”

But her voice wavered just slightly, and that was when he saw it- the way her fingers tightened against her lap, the way her chest rose and fell a little too deliberately. She wasn’t just angry. She was hurt.

Jake shifted closer, just a fraction, barely enough to call it movement. But she noticed. He saw the flicker of something in her eyes, something sharp and aching. The hand that was placed on her knee pressed further into her skin and she let him, her eyes darting between his. Her lips were pulled between her teeth in curiosity, anticipating.

Her gaze flickered- to his lips, to his hands and then back to his eyes. Then, with a quiet breath, Jake leaned in just a little more, not enough to close the distance, but enough to make her heart race in her chest. He swallowed and his lips parted but it did nothing to steady him.

“Good.”

Slowly, softly, he placed his lips on hers- almost as though he was testing the waters, waiting to see what her reaction would be. And then she moved, bringing herself closer to him and her hands wrapping around his neck. His hands flew towards her waist, sliding towards her hips and their lips moved in harmony. Jake could feel the world around him come back together in one piece- perhaps this was all that he needed, her hands in his hair, his fingers buried in the skin of her legs.

Her dress limited her movements and when he realised, Jake took no time in lifting the hem of her dress to her waist and dragging her onto his lap. Yelping into his mouth, she chuckled and continued to kiss him- breathless and desperate as the air around them finally seemed to settle, as though this was what was meant to happen all this while.

“I’ve waited for this,” Jake tilted his head and placed another kiss on her lips. “For so long,” then he kissed her cheek and trailed them down her neck, playing with the strap of her dress before ultimately pulling them down.

Her tits spilled out of the dress, the dress bunching at her waist as cool air hit her skin. She let her fingers unbutton his shirt, hands trailing to feel the skin underneath- warmth and curves that she didn’t know she needed to touch until then.

“I missed you, Jake,” she found herself saying between breaths. “I really missed you.”

vi. 偷偷藏不住

The song Jake had written and perfected all those months ago? He’d finally sent it out to a list of labels and he hadn’t told anyone. And he wasn’t planning on it either. Not because he didn’t want to or because he was selfish- it was because he didn’t want to jinx. Over his time in Korea, he’d started believing in superstitions and found that sometimes, though it didn’t seem natural, they just made sense. He didn’t want to think about it.

He focused on Y/N instead. Jake leaned back in the chair, watching Y/N from across the room. She was reading, her legs tucked beneath her as she sat on the couch. She didn’t seem to notice his gaze, but he couldn’t help it. It had become almost natural to look at her, to appreciate the quiet moments when she was lost in something, anything, and how she looked when she didn’t realize he was watching.

He wanted to tell her about the song, to tell her about the labels he’d sent it to. He wanted to share this part of his life with her- something that meant a lot, something that felt like it could change everything. But he didn’t want to risk it. Not yet.

"Hey," he said softly, breaking the silence.

Y/N looked up, meeting his eyes with a small smile. "Yeah?"

He felt that familiar flutter in his chest. There was something about her presence that had become his anchor, the thing he always wanted to come back to after everything else.

“Wanna go do something?”

The pair found themselves at the beach, bikini and trunks clad as they hopped into the car in the middle of the night. The sound of waves crashing against the shore was louder, the rhythm almost hypnotic. The moon cast a pale glow over the water, and the sand felt soft beneath their feet.

Jake kicked off his shoes, and Y/N followed suit without a word. The sand was cool against her skin as they walked along the shore, the sound of their footsteps swallowed by the waves. It was peaceful, but there was an energy in the air, an unspoken current between them.

“This is exactly what I needed,” Y/N said softly, pulling her jacket tighter around her shoulders. She glanced up at him, her smile warm. “You always know how to pick the perfect places.”

Jake didn’t answer right away. He was too busy watching her, trying to read the subtle shifts in her expression. “You look happy,” he said, his voice low.

“I’m always happy,” she looked at him confused, though her smile refused to leave her mouth.

“You know, you should really let me take you out more. The beach, I mean. Doesn’t seem right to keep coming here alone.”

Y/N smirked, glancing at him sidelong. “Yeah? And you think I’d let you drag me around more?”

“Maybe,” he said, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “If you let me, I think I’d be able to.”

They started off just walking along the shore, the waves occasionally rushing up to their feet. It was quiet at first, the air between them still carrying the weight of unspoken things. But then, without thinking much about it, Y/N bent down and scooped up a handful of wet sand, letting it slip through her fingers.

Jake, watching her, smirked. “Don’t even think about it.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, pretending to be innocent. “Think about what?”

Jake didn’t trust her for a second, stepping back cautiously. “You’re gonna throw that at me.”

She grinned. “Am I?”

Before he could react, she flicked the remaining sand in his direction- not enough to be a real attack, just enough to be annoying. Jake let out a sharp laugh, shaking his head. “Alright. You asked for it.”

Without warning, he lunged toward her. Y/N yelped and tried to take off running, but he was faster, grabbing her wrist and spinning her back toward him. They were both breathless, tangled in laughter, and before she could think of an escape plan, he lifted a handful of sand and let it sprinkle over the top of her head.

“Jake- ” she gasped, swatting at him. “You- ”

But he was already bolting down the beach, laughing like a kid. Y/N groaned but didn’t hesitate before chasing after him, their footprints overlapping in the sand. The chase was brief—he let her catch him. And when she did, she shoved him lightly, but instead of letting her go, he caught her hand, pulling her into a sudden spin.

They stumbled into the surf, waves washing over their ankles, the water shockingly cold. But neither of them cared. They were still laughing, breathless, eyes locked for a beat too long.

Jake’s grin softened, his hands still lightly holding hers. “Truce?” he asked, though his voice carried something else, something softer.

Y/N tilted her head, lips curving mischievously. “I don’t know. I kind of liked seeing you flustered.”

He exhaled a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re impossible.”

And yet, he didn’t let go.

“I’m really glad things turned out this way,” Jake mumbled, sliding his hands onto her forearms.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too,” she said. “The last thing I expected to happen but- I’m glad.”

“I don’t want to mess things up,” he admitted. “I don’t want anything to change.”

“What could possibly go wrong?”

They lay there, supine on the beach, the cool grains of sand tangling into their hair and clinging to their damp clothes. The tide hummed a steady rhythm in the distance, the waves kissing the shore before pulling back.

Neither of them spoke for a while, letting the silence stretch between them, filled only by the whisper of the wind and the distant cries of seabirds. The sky, once speckled with stars, had begun its slow transformation- deep blues fading into softer shades, the first streaks of pink and gold bleeding into the horizon.

Jake turned his head slightly, glancing at Y/N. Her eyes were fixed on the sky, a serene expression softening her features. He resisted the urge to reach out, to brush the sand off her cheek, to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Instead, he exhaled, letting his fingers curl into the sand beside hers, close but not quite touching.

As the first light of morning stretched over the ocean, she finally spoke, her voice quiet, like she didn’t want to disturb the moment. “We should head back.”

Jake hummed in agreement, but neither of them moved right away. It wasn’t until the sky had fully surrendered to the dawn that they finally pushed themselves up, dusting off the remnants of the night.

It was probably one of the tiny, frustrating connector pieces that held larger sections together- the kind that looked identical to five others but somehow wouldn’t fit wherever it was supposed to. Maybe they were struggling with part of the hull, where two large sections needed to snap into place but keep misaligning, or a delicate detail like the tiny lifeboats that wouldn’t sit right.

Jake, exasperated, insisted they were missing a piece. Y/N argued that they just weren’t looking hard enough. Sam found them arguing when he walked in and it was almost comical.

“How are you so stupid?!”

“I’m not stupid, you’re just not reading the instructions right!”

“Is this how you want to spend the weekend?” He laughed, standing between the pair that were laying stomach down on the floor in Jake's carpeted room. “Have nothing better to do?”

“We’re finishing this before Monday or I’ll lose my shit, I swear,” Y/N pointed a threatening finger at both of them. “I keep seeing it half cooked sitting on his shelf and it’s driving me off the walls.”

Sam gave her a puzzled look. “You visit his room that often?” He looked between the pair.

Jake and Y/N, caught off guard, started looking at each other, wide eyes and pursed lips. They didn’t know what to say to him, allow him into their secret or gaslight him until he left. Y/N wasn’t even sure why he asked such a question.

“Sam, help us or leave!”

Sam lingered for a second, looking between them with suspicion but ultimately shrugging it off. He figured that if there was anything weird going on between the pair, he would have caught on by now. But unbeknownst to him, the pair had been dating for a couple of months now, stealing stolen moments with their hands clasped under the table during lunch, taking Layla out on walks, grocery shopping together and sneaking into each other’s rooms in the middle of the night. They felt like teenagers all over again, not having experienced such a rendezvous as children.

Sam helped them, though not without rolling his eyes first. He plopped down beside them, picking up a random piece and squinting at the half-finished model.

“You two are way too invested in this,” he muttered, trying, and failing, to snap a section into place.

Jake scoffed. “Says the guy who just sat down to help.”

Y/N smirked, nudging Sam’s shoulder. “Face it, you can’t resist a challenge.”

The room settled into a concentrated quiet, filled only with the occasional snap of plastic bricks clicking together and the muttered curses when a piece refused to fit.

At one point, Jake’s hand brushed against Y/N’s, lingering for just a second too long. She shot him a look- half warning, half fondness. He smirked but said nothing.

Sam, blissfully unaware, kept building.

“We’ve scheduled another group call tonight,” Jake piped while trying to pluck apart a pair of parts he accidentally stuck together.

“Oh?” Sam smiled.

“Yeah, I’m excited,” he continued. “It’s been a while. I think the last time was a couple months ago- before mom and dad’s anniversary.”

“Yeah, I think the last time you told me, Heeseung’s brother was getting engaged,” Y/N mulled over the details that Jake told her all those months ago but ultimately gave up.

“So everyone’s getting married but me?” Sam groaned and rolled his eyes, huffing as he continued to read the instructions of the LEGO set.

The pair ignored him. “Yeah,” Jake confirmed. “My birthday’s coming up, right? So they all said they wanted to call. I think this is gonna become a norm- I hope so, at least.”

“I hope so, too,” Y/N smiled at him and they silently went back to playing with their impossible set of LEGOs.

The group call was already in complete disarray by the time Jake joined. Sunghoon was mid-rant about something, gesturing aggressively at his camera while Jay, half-listening, scrolled through his phone. Heeseung had his mic muted, but his shoulders shook with silent laughter, probably watching something stupid on another tab. Jungwon, ever the responsible one, was trying to get everyone’s attention, but Sunoo kept cutting him off, making dramatic expressions every time someone spoke.

“Can you guys just-” Jungwon started.

“Wait, wait, do that face again,” Sunoo interrupted, pointing at his screen, barely holding back laughter.

Jungwon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This is why we never get anything done.”

Meanwhile, Ni-ki, who had been quiet the entire time, suddenly leaned in, squinting at his screen. “Jake, are you in bed? Bro, it’s not even that late.”

Jake scoffed, adjusting his laptop. “It’s-” He checked the time. “It’s eleven.”

“Exactly.”

“Finally,” Sunghoon scoffed, sipping from a can of soda. “The birthday boy graces us with his presence.”

“It’s not even my birthday yet,” Jake chuckled, adjusting the laptop on his lap.

“Yeah, well, none of us are free on the actual day,” Jay pointed out. “So this is what you get.”

“Be grateful we even remembered,” Heeseung joked.

“You didn’t,” Jungwon said flatly. “I reminded all of you.”

Jake chuckled, the warmth of familiarity settling into his chest. The conversation continued in its usual chaotic rhythm—teasing, overlapping chatter, and Sunoo dramatically reenacting something that had happened earlier that week. Then, amidst the noise, Jungwon shifted in his seat, glancing away from the screen as if distracted by something off-camera.

Jake barely noticed at first, too busy laughing at whatever ridiculous claim Ni-ki had just made. But then Jungwon disappeared from his frame entirely, leaving only the top of his head visible for a moment. The others barely registered it, still caught up in their conversation, until he reappeared, this time holding something in his hands.

An actual birthday cake.

The glow of the candles flickered softly, illuminating his face as he settled back in his seat. The sight of it made the conversation stutter for a second before Heeseung let out a surprised laugh. “No way. You actually got a cake?”

Jungwon grinned, a little sheepish but mostly pleased with himself. “Well, yeah. Someone had to.”

“Jungwon, I would marry you,” Jake gasped.

“I lit the candles,” Jungwon went on, ignoring them. “But then I realized that would be kinda pointless since you’re, y’know… not here.”

Jay nodded solemnly. “Yeah, the whole blowing-out-the-candles part kinda loses its charm when we’d have to just pretend you did it.”

“We could all blow on our screens at the same time,” Heeseung suggested.

“That’s disgusting,” Sunghoon said immediately.

The whole thing was so dumb, so completely stupid, and yet Jake felt a knot in his throat. They really didn’t have to do all this, but they did. Just to make him feel a little bit like they were together again.

They spent the next hour catching up- on music, on random TV shows, on things they’d seen online that reminded them of each other. The conversation never stayed in one place for too long, always shifting like waves, full of interruptions and tangents that made no sense.

At some point, when the laughter died down just enough, Jake cleared his throat. “So, uh… I wanted to tell you guys something.”

“Is he finally admitting he sucks at Mario Kart?” Heeseung cut in.

Jake rolled his eyes. “No.”

Surprisingly, the call had ceased to a silence and everyone stared at their screen, waiting for Jake to say something. Sunoo looked the most bewildered, surprised at how silent it had gone.

“So?” Jay coaxed.

“I sent my song to a few labels,” He finally blurted out.

Silence. A split-second beat before the entire call erupted.

“NO WAY-”

“DUDE!”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US?”

“This is huge!”

“Any news yet?”

Jake let them go on for a bit, barely holding back a smile. “Nothing yet,” he admitted. “Didn’t wanna jinx it. But… I don't know. It feels good to finally put it out there.”

“Well, we’re proud of you,” Jungwon said firmly, and the others nodded along. “Like, really proud.”

Jake exhaled, some of his nerves settling. He knew they meant it. That’s why he’d wanted to tell them- despite his stupid superstitions, despite his own fears. After they all spent a few seconds clapping, Heeseung had moved on to talking about his brother’s wedding. He told them that he was the best man and that it would most probably take place a year later- the happy couple were busy figuring out their schedules and work that delaying it felt like the best idea.

“You’re all invited, by the way,” he announced. “Mark your calendars.”

“To an unknown date?” Sunghoon sputtered out laughing.

“Be grateful I even invited you,” Heeseung deadpanned.

“I’ll probably have a date for the wedding,” Jake said. “Is that okay?”

The call ceased to a silence once more as the group processed the information. This time, Niki was the most bewildered, raising his brows and side-eyeing his Hyung with confusion. Then, Heeseung let out a scoff.

“I’m dating someone-”

“It’s Y/N,” Jungwon deadpanned.

“How the fuck did you know.”

“Dude, it was so obvious. You talk about her all the time,” Jay rolled his eyes.

“Well,” Sunoo said, dragging out the word. “Looks like Jake’s the first one of us to get a girlfriend.”

“Not surprised,” Jay snorted. “He was always the freakiest one out of all of us.”

Jake choked. “What the hell does that even mean?!”

“I thought that was Heeseung Hyung,” Niki’s voice drowned out.

“C’mon, man,” Sunghoon smirked. “We’ve all seen you in action.”

“Oh my God.”

“I’m not even shocked it’s Y/N,” Sunghoon went on. “This was bound to happen.”

Niki hummed. “Honestly, I thought it was already happening, and you two were just waiting to say something,” and Jungwon followed his profuse nodding.

Jake groaned as the teasing continued, hands covering his face. But underneath the embarrassment, he felt lighter. Like everything was finally where it was supposed to be.

vii. Happy birthday?

One thing about Jake’s family- they never did celebrations halfway. With the kind of wealth they had, extravagant parties and lavish dinners were almost expected, a given for any occasion worth acknowledging. But this time was different. This time was special.

For the first time in nearly a decade, they were celebrating Jake’s birthday together, all of them in the same place, at the same table. If that wasn’t reason enough to book the most exclusive restaurant in town for the night, then what was?

The clinking of glasses, the gentle hum of background music, the soft glow of candlelight- it all felt like a moment frozen in time, one he’d look back on and remember as nothing but happiness. His mother sat beside him, refilling everyone’s glasses, a proud smile never leaving her face. His father, usually reserved, was surprisingly talkative, sharing stories from Jake’s childhood that had everyone laughing. Sam, always the troublemaker, kept trying to sneak extra bites of dessert before it was even served, earning a playful slap on the arm from their mother.

“We went to an astrologer when Jake was born and we told her to read his future,” Rob, a drunken mess, raised his wine in the air. “She told us that he would grow up to do great things- and he did!”

Rob desperately tried making him stop drinking.

“He always used to drool as a child,” his mom reminisced. “And always picked at his lips- that habit never left.”

“God, mom,” Jaked rolled his eyes.

Y/N sat across from Jake, her eyes catching the light just right, and every so often, when their gazes met, she’d smile at him in a way that made his heart trip over itself. She was wearing the dress he bought for him and the jewelry he picked out- he told her that this was his way of showing his love and appreciation and the pair also scheduled birthday sex where he’d eventually rip everything off of her.

The table was full of laughter, teasing, and clumsy attempts at making a toast. Someone- probably Sam- had convinced the waitstaff to bring out an over-the-top birthday cake, three tiers tall, decorated with sleek gold details. They all cheered as Jake cut the first slice, feeding a bite to his mother first, then his dad, then Y/N and Sam and then Mark and Evelyn.

While they all posed for a family photo, Jake’s phone vibrated. He didn’t think much of it at first, chalking it up to a random app notification or another birthday wish from a random contact. Everyone had moved on to use the karaoke and Jake had even forgotten about checking it. He sang two, maybe three songs before handing the mic over to Mark and Sam and he settled onto a chair beside Y/N, enjoying the show.

It wasn’t until Y/N went up to sing that Jake took his phone out. His intention was to record her, maybe use the video to black mail her in the future. But then he saw the notification and he swallowed, hard. His hands quivered and his head spun- he was sure he was either being carried in cloud-nine or being buried six feet under. Both were bad, at that moment, when he realised what was at stake.

Y/N. Their relationship.

Y/N stopped mid-song, letting the karaoke machine drawl its music as her attention landed on Jake. He looked scared and she grew concerned. “Jake?” Everyone’s attention turned to head, heads snapping in unison.

“What is it?” Sam placed a hand on his shoulder, peeking past his head to find his email opened on the screen of his phone. “What is it?”

Jake swallowed, gripping his phone tighter as if grounding himself. His heart pounded so loudly he could barely hear the karaoke music in the background. “I, uh-” His voice wavered, and he exhaled sharply, forcing himself to just say it. “One of the companies I sent my song to… they liked it.”

Silence. A heavy, breathless kind of silence where the weight of his words sank in.

“They don’t just like it,” he continued, lifting his phone slightly as if to prove it was real. “They want me to come to New York. They’re offering me a job.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. Sam’s hand tightened on his shoulder. Around the room, expressions flickered between shock, excitement, and something unreadable.

“Holy shit.”

“No way.”

“Jake, that’s huge!”

His mother’s hand flew to her mouth, eyes already welling up. Sam clapped his back so hard he nearly dropped his phone. Y/N just stared at him, lips parted, and in the dim light of the private room, he swore he saw something shift in her expression.

“You never told us.”

It was the night before Jake was flying to New York. His bags were packed, tickets were booked and the family had already had a farewell dinner together. His mom cried and his father raised a toast for being blessed with two remarkable sons. Mark and Evelyn quipped about how he was already leaving, having barely been back. Y/N, however, had stayed quiet, looking at everyone through her lashes and past the rim of her wine glass. Occasionally, she would crack a smile but it was evident that it was feigned. No one bothered to ask her the matter, though, in fear of ruining the already sad night of Jake’s departure.

The night that Jake found out about his job offer, the night of his birthday a few months ago, he and Y/N came home to a huge fight. She was throwing pillows at him, almost ripping them to shreds for the feathers to come flying out. She then threw her heels at him, all out of pure anger as she cursed at him and asked why he hadn’t told her sooner, to give her a heads-up as to what to expect. Then, she broke down in tears, slumping into a ball in the corner of his room, hiding her face into her hands as sobs escaped her throat.

“Why do you keep doing this to me?” She repeated her words over and over again and Jake comforted her, not knowing what else to do.

That night, he slept on the couch, mulling over all the rights and wrongs that he had committed in his life. However, he could never understand if leaving to pursue his dreams of k-pop was a right or wrong, virtue or sin. If he had never left and simply pursued his dream of engineering, maybe he and Y/N would have been planning their wedding right now. Maybe he would have been more familiar to his family.

After that fight, Y/N never brought it up again. She pretended like it never happened, spending the last of his days stuck beside him. She seemed normal, felt normal- so normal that it almost scared Jake. But he played into it, knowing he would regret it later.

When the dinner was over, Y/N was nowhere to be found- not in his room, not in Sam’s room and surely not with Layla, who was already sound asleep. So, he sauntered into the Y/L/N’s house and made his way towards her room. Her door was slightly ajar, but the room was empty. The faintest rustle of the curtains drew his attention to the open balcony doors, where a figure stood bathed in the silver glow of the moonlight. Y/N, arms resting on the railing, eyes lost in the distance.

Jake hesitated for a moment, taking in the way the night breeze lifted strands of her hair, how her shoulders rose and fell with a quiet exhale. Then, he stepped forward.

“Didn’t feel like staying?” He murmured, voice low as he leaned against the doorway.

She turned slightly, just enough for their eyes to meet. There was no smile, no teasing remark. “Needed some air.”

Jake nodded, stepping closer until he was beside her. “Mind if I join you?” She shook her head, and they stood in silence, the city stretching out before them, the weight of the night settling between them. “You’re quiet,” he pointed out.

She exhaled through her nose, a slow, deliberate breath. “Yeah.”

Something in her tone made his stomach twist.

Jake waited, hoping and praying that she would say something to fill the tension. But she wasn’t the type- she never was and never will be, now especially. So, Jake does.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out like that,” he said, voice careful.

“I know,” she nodded.

“I’m sorry it had to be this way, Y/N-”

“That’s all you have to say?” Y/N shot him a blank stare. “That you’re sorry?”

“No, of course-”

“Jake, you’re leaving me,” she said. “All over again.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, knowing where this would lead. “You know it’s not like that, Y/N.”

“Sure. It’s never fucking like that,” she let out a bitter chuckle. “Then tell me, Jake, what is it like? Because from where I’m standing, it looks exactly the same as last time. You left. You moved on. And now, you’re doing it again.”

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair? That I let myself believe this time was different? That I actually thought you were going to stay?”

Jake stepped closer, instinctively reaching for her, but she took a step back. That hurt more than her words.

“I have to go,” he said quietly, almost pleading. “This is everything I’ve been working for-”

“Yeah, I fucking know that,” her voice raised. “Just let me be hurt.”

Her voice cracked, and suddenly, all the fight drained from her body. A shaky breath, a single tear sliding down her cheek, then another. She tried to blink them away, but her body betrayed her. Her fingers curled into trembling fists, and before she could stop herself, she buried her face in her hands, hair falling forward like a curtain to shield her from the world.

Jake felt something deep in his chest tighten, like a fist squeezing his heart until it ached. The sight of her breaking apart- because of him- was unbearable. Without thinking, he closed the space between them, pulling her into his arms. His hand cradled the back of her head, his other arm wrapping around her shoulders, holding her together as best as he could. Like she would slip through his fingers if he didn’t hold on tight enough. She mumbled a string of “I hate you”s into his chest, trying her best to break free until ultimately, she succumbed into his embrace.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick, uneven. He shut his eyes as he felt his own tears welling up. “I’m so sorry.”

Y/N clung to him, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as if that would make him stay. She pressed her forehead against his chest, and when she spoke again, her voice was muffled against his body, but he heard every single word.

“You know,” she started, sniffling, “when you first left for training, I spent almost a month sleeping in your bedroom because I missed you so damn much. I missed you, just missed seeing you around the house every day, walking to the bus stop with you and your brother, going to the market with our moms-” Her breath hitched. “I missed you so much, I didn’t think it could hurt this bad.”

Jake’s throat closed up. He squeezed his eyes shut, his chin pressing against the top of her head as if he could will away the weight of everything she was saying.

Because he remembered too.

He remembered the way she used to run to his house every morning, dragging him and Sam out by the wrists so they wouldn’t miss the bus. He remembered sneaking extra snacks into her grocery basket when their moms weren’t looking. He remembered lying on the grass beside her on summer nights, Sam yelling at them to come back inside to shelter against mosquitoes.

He remembered the first time he left.

And now, he was doing it again.

"I remember," he admitted, his voice raw. "I remember all of it, Y/N. I didn't forget."

Y/N let out a broken breath, like she had been waiting for those words.

Jake swallowed hard and pulled back just enough to look at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed, lashes damp, lips pressed into a thin line as if she were trying to stop them from trembling. She looked at him like he was already gone.

“I hate it, I hate leaving you like this,” he continued. His thumb brushed against her cheek, wiping away a tear that had just fallen. "But you have to know- none of it was ever easy for me, either."

For a moment, there was only the sound of their breathing, the distant hum of the city beyond the balcony, the weight of everything left unsaid pressing down on them.

Then, he reached for her hands, prying them gently away from his shirt. He held them between his own, squeezing.

"But I don’t want to lose you over this," he said softly.

Y/N's brows furrowed, her fingers twitching in his grasp. "You already are."

"Don't say that," he murmured. "Please."

“This is how it’s like to love someone like you, isn’t it?” Y/N pulled away from him, keeping him at an arm’s length as she wiped her nose with her forearm. He watched her through her puffy eyes and nose, her messy hair that he loved so much, and streaks of salty tears on her cheeks that looked permanent. “Someone who never feels like they have enough- who’s never content.”

“You think I’m not content with you?” Jake’s voice was laced with disbelief, his brows knitting together as he took a hesitant step forward.

Y/N let out a hollow laugh, shaking her head. “Jake, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” His voice was quiet, but there was an edge to it now- like he was bracing himself for something he didn’t want to hear.

She exhaled shakily, running a hand through her hair. “I mean that you’re always searching for something more. Something bigger. It’s who you are. And I love that about you, but it also means that I- ” she paused, her voice catching in her throat. “I’ll never be enough to make you stay.”

Jake’s stomach twisted. “Y/N- ”

“Don’t,” she whispered, cutting him off. “Just- don’t try to tell me that’s not true.”

Jake wanted to argue. Wanted to hold her and tell her that she was wrong, that she meant the world to him, that she represented everything good that he had going on in his life. That she was the one constant in his life, the person he always came back to, the one who knew him better than anyone else. That no matter where he went or what he chased after, she was always in the back of his mind, woven into every decision, every late-night doubt, every quiet moment when he let himself wonder what truly mattered. But deep down, wasn’t there truth to what she was saying?

“Come with me,” Jake breathed.

“What?”

“To New York. Come with me.”

She let out a breath, shaking her head before he even finished speaking. “Jake…”

He took her hands in his, gripping them like if he held tight enough, she wouldn’t slip away. “Why not? We’ll figure it out, we always do-”

She pulled her hands away. “Because I don’t want to,” she admitted, her voice thick with uncertainty. “I love my life here. My job, my family- everything. I like being the most loved person in the room at home, I like walking the same streets I grew up on. This is my dream, Jake. This,” she gestured vaguely, meaning everything- the life she had built, the people she had around her, the version of herself she had grown into.

Jake felt something crack inside of him. “So that’s it?” His voice was quiet now, the fight leaving him as quickly as it came. “You won’t even try?”

“You expect me to leave my perfect life?”

“You expect me to leave mine?”

“I never said that,” Y/N stood firm on her words. “I just asked you to let me hurt.”

That night, their bodies spoke in ways words never could. Desperation laced every touch, every kiss, as if they could etch each other into memory through skin alone. Jake’s hands traced the curves of her back, pressing her closer, like if he held her tight enough, he could somehow stay. Clothes were shed in silence, urgency melting into slow, lingering movements. He kissed every inch of her, memorizing the way she shivered under his touch, the way her breath hitched when he whispered her name against her lips. It wasn’t just love- it was grief, the kind that settled deep in the bones, knowing this was the last time they would be like this.

The drive to the airport was unbearably silent. The weight of what lay ahead pressed against them, thick in the air. Y/N sat in the passenger seat, her fingers curled into the fabric of her hoodie, staring out at the passing streets she knew by heart. Jake sat beside her, his hands curled into fists against his jeans, knuckles white. Every so often, he stole a glance at her, but she never turned to meet his gaze. She just kept staring out the window, watching the city she loved blur past, like if she memorized it enough now, she wouldn’t forget what it felt like with him here. Jake’s chest tightening with every mile that brought them closer to the departure gate. Neither of them spoke, because what was left to say?

viii. epilogue (the one with the happy ending)

Heeseung’s brother’s wedding was the kind that felt like it had been plucked straight from a dream. The venue was an elegant garden estate, sprawling and timeless, where nature and luxury blended seamlessly. Rows of white chairs lined a stone-paved aisle leading to a breathtaking floral arch, woven with ivory roses and soft greenery. As the sun dipped below the horizon, fairy lights draped across the trees flickered to life, casting everything in a golden glow. The atmosphere was nothing short of enchanting—warm, intimate, and brimming with quiet romance.

Inside the reception hall, deep forest green and champagne hues decorated the space, accented with gold detailing that shimmered under the glow of grand chandeliers. Long banquet tables were set with delicate floral arrangements, gold-rimmed plates, and flickering candle lit lanterns, making everything feel impossibly elegant. Laughter and clinking glasses filled the air as a live band played soft jazz in the background, transitioning into upbeat melodies as the night carried on. The dance floor, bathed in the warm light of hanging lanterns, was alive with movement- couples twirling, old friends reuniting, and guests celebrating love in all its forms. It was the kind of night that people would remember, not just for its beauty but for the way it made everyone feel—- ike they were part of something special.

In the middle of it all sat Jake, his hand clasped with Y/N’s, refusing to let her go. Around the couple sat the rest of Enhypen, chattering about where the newlywed’s honeymoon would be. They were all older now, busier, lives stretched across different places and paths, but sitting around the same table, drinks in hand, it felt the same. Heeseung was glowing with pride, still riding the high of his brother’s big day. Sunghoon had already teased him for getting emotional during the vows, and Jay was deep in conversation with Jungwon about how weddings always had the best food.

“So,” Sunghoon started, leaning forward with a grin. “Are we going to talk about how Jake actually managed to be in a long-distance relationship?”

“Do you guys really have such low expectations from me?” Jake snorted, bringing a rice cake to his mouth.

“I can’t lie, I'm surprised, too,” Y/N chuckled.

Jake stared at her, expressionless and feigned disappointment. “You’re supposed to be my girlfriend.”

“I love you, too.”

The pair would be lying if they said they weren’t surprised by themselves.

After Jake left, Y/N fell into a puddle of sadness that crashed into her like a wave, along with the tides of realization that her emotions would forever stay unrequited and unmatched. She would brood over her schedules and would drag herself around with a frown or heavy eyes. She no longer sat with enthusiasm while watching movies with her parents or playing with Layla. She no longer spoke with confidence during business meetings, mouthing her words like a programmed robot. And worst of all, she no longer liked online shopping with Diane.

It was painful watching the girl tut and sneer at things that would normally bring her joy- books, food, movies and even driving to the beach at night. Every night she would come home, she would mumble her greetings to anyone else in the house and go straight to bed. Sometimes she'd skip dinner, other times she'd skip breakfast and on days where her schedule was empty, she'd lay in bed all day, watching a show while not even bothering to shower.

It took two days for Sam to beat out a confession from Y/N, where he finally cried out a longing for Jake and their relationship- how everything so perfect suddenly was snatched out of her hand like a child with a stolen lollipop. She weeded and sobbed in Sam’s arms until her parents and his parents arrived in her room, confused at her disarray and begging for her to tell them what happened.

Sam finally explained it to them- how she and Jake had fallen in love, how they snuck around everyone for a few months dating and how him leaving for New York left Y/N shattered and empty. Upon hearing this, the parents had booked her a ticket to New York within a heartbeat. Before Y/N could even protest, yell at them for overreacting, tell them that she never wanted to see Jake’s face again- her bags were already packed.

Jake received an unexpected call from his brother while he was at dinner. Jay, who lived in Seattle, flew down to meet Jake for the weekend. They ate at a small restaurant that was famous for its brunch buffets. It was exactly when Jake was pouring syrup onto his pancakes that his phone rang.

“Y/N’s coming to New York,” Sam said. “Go get her.”

When Jay drove Jake to the airport, Jake finally understood why they said airports were both the place of the greatest happiness and greatest tragedy. For the most part in the past few years, Jake’s visits to the airport were filled with tragedy- disbanding from Enhypen, leaving Y/N and landing in New York for a job that costed him his favourite person. Now, he was visiting to experience what he hoped would be a miracle- that Sam’s call wasn’t just a prank and that he would see the woman of his dreams standing there, waiting for him.

Sure enough, when he arrived, he saw Y/N standing at a far corner, a look of daze and confusion as she gripped her suitcase. She looked around with glassy eyes, holding back tears in an unfamiliar environment. Then, she spotted Jake from afar as he waved at her, jumping at the sight of her. He wore his signature smile, the one that filled his face and brought out his teeth. Y/N let out a wet chuckle.

The pair ran towards each other and collided in the middle in an embrace. Jake, up until that moment, had never kissed her with that much desperation and aching.

After that, flying back and forth to visit each other had become a norm.

At Heeseung’s brother’s wedding, Sunoo asked the couple to recount their love story and he listened with heart eyes. Sunoo loved listening to people’s love stories- he had asked Heeseung to tell him about his brother’s a plethora of times by now.

“I’m so glad she’s stuck with me,” Jake grinned at her, squeezing her hand as she looked back at him.

Jungwon sighed dramatically. “Love is real, I guess.”

Heeseung groaned. “Please, not at my brother’s wedding.”

Laughter rang through the table, but even as the conversation moved on, Jake stared at Y/N, silently grateful for every moment that had led them here.

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