#also im just saying words.
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the thing about the femme identity is that most femmes i have encountered do not resemble straight girls at all there is always something a little off-kilter about the femme gender performance. not because they dont want to femmes are usually very inspired by the hetero woman aesthetic of course but the lesbianism gets in the way. butches want to be the james dean archetype: at the end of the day they cant ever fully embody it because they are women: a new gender gets created in the space between reality and that ideal. femmes want to be the marilyn monroe dream girl type: at the end of the day they are dykes just like butches: a new gender drops. i suppose this is very different in evil places like california etc. where even the most gay girl is poreless wrinkleless and botoxed which is to say straight as fuck but in my experience femmes carry a kind of masculinity straight girls never could. and thats hot of them by the way.
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.
But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.
#simon says#i love learning so much and I hate the USA's college debt system#once they make that shit free I will be unstoppable#this topic sprung up because I had the idea that im very academic and annoyingly analytical that I might as well get a degree in it#because without a degree you just seem like an autistic asshole#but with a degree? then you look like a CREDIBLE autistic asshole#don't worry I will still learn but I still want that funky piece of paper to tell everyone I learnt it#also there's some things that are VERY difficult to learn#like I would love to persue this topic further but unfortunately I would need help with that#also before you say 'try taking [blank] classes instead! it's less expensive than a degree!' im broke#my only learning resource is the library sorry about that#also this is not the post to give me unwarranted financial advice#finances are one of the topics I DO NOT care about and I WILL NOT listen to a word you say
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Nico referring to his mom as "Mama" implies he most likely at least used to refer to Hades as "Papa" and i 100% headcanon he still does but mostly in the manner of him having the entire Underworld wrapped around his finger for being the baby of the family
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#headcanon#my art#nico flexing youngest child privilages by pulling out the most pitiful expression he can manage#anyways i find it fun to explore character word choices#cause yknow no two characters are going to select their words the same way#or even necessarily think about it to the same degree#i like to think Nico thinks about his word choice a lot#so of course every time he uses ''papa'' he fully knows he's pulling the Baby Of The Family card#Hades definitely knows this too but falls for it every time anyways#cause Nico hasnt called him ''papa'' regularly since getting his memory wiped - just detached ''father'' or at best ''dad''#so it just reminds Hades of How Much He Just Wants His Children To Be Happy Like The Old Days#and how much poor Nico has been through and he's just the baby of the family and-#cue Nico smugly staring at the camera cause he knows how much power he holds#also i say Nico is Hades' only son cause mythologically even when Zagreus *is* Hades' son (rarely) he's. dead.#a major part of Zagreus' mythology is that he died#and im p sure every other deity said to be Hades' children are all goddesses and also are like 50% of the time not his#theres also only like 3 of them. and as far as we know in riordanverse canon one of them is implied to not be his daughter#so Nico is Hades' only son and also youngest in the family (cause Hazel is older by a month chronologically or 1 year biologically)#(and everybody else is a deity if children of hades at all)
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herbology class 🌹🌿 (from chap 2 of my fic!)
#his alliteration/pun combo is even more lame in the actual chap bc seb holds up a dittany seed as he says this#bro had the dad jokes before he even became a dad😔👌#alliterations are just how they flirt.....losers...and i notice them EVERYWHERE now too. ive cursed myself#also MY ONESHOT IS LIKE 70-80% DONE I THINK?? im 30k words in but i might end up making it 2 chaps instead#idk im still deciding..itll depend on if i find a cutoff point that im happy with. cuz right now i dont like splitting it anywhere LOL#but maybe ill do it and release the first part just so that i can get it out and then finish the latter half later...decisions decisions#also now that im done my fic i also wanna draw a bunch of the earlier scenes i never did like this one#so weird drawing seb and clora not together yet tho LOL esp for seb. like damn there was a time u COULDNT just smooch clora?? nightmare....#i also almost drew clora wearing her hairclip SO many times by mistake LOL. thats the plus side of pre-seblora tho. dont gotta draw it🤪#hogwarts legacy#hphl#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x oc#sebastian sallow x mc#clora clemons#sebastian x mc#choccyart#mirabel garlick#hogwarts legacy fanfiction
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maybe the term “antisemitism” seems “overused” because theres so much of it
#just a thought#though i wont lie and say there are not tons of jewish people who also do throw the word around at genuine criticism#or generally just incorrect circumstance#but the word has also been thrown around a lot recently because it HAS been and IS a bigger issue now#we shouldnt be reaching a point goyim are “hearing it too much” and its “weightless” at all just bc theres a lot of jewish ppl misusinf jt#bc there should never be a point in time in which antisemitism (or any other form of bigotry) doesnt hold weight to you idk#does this make sense#jumblr#jewblr#im ali
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horrible truth bomb dropped on my head 20 min ago
#I DIDNT KNOW I DIDNT KNOWWWWW#when i say damn thats crazy its bc i DO think its crazy i think a lot of things are crazy. like how birds have cloacas#or the way ppl draw a five pointed star in different ways and everyone assumes their way of doing it is how everyone does it#my brother is not letting me live this down btw he literally shouted at me like HOW DID YOU LIVE THIS LONG AND NOT PICK UP ON THAT#IDK!!! IDK I THOUGHT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE USED TO EXPRESS GENUINE SHOCK??????#he says its my delivery that makes it sound insincere bc i say it in a monotonous voice which when i think abt it YEAH....#THAT DOES MAKE IT LOOK KINDA BAD IN HINDSIGHT.....#and then i told him i keep a list of phrases that tickle my brain so i can remember to use them in conversation and apparently#most ppl dont do that bc he was like ???? stop doing that??? just let the conversation flow naturally it sounds fake>????#idk man i feel like if i did that and blurted out 'i forgot people find stuff like underwear arousing for some reason' instead of#smth like 'i wonder what kind of ppl find this kind of stuff the bees knees' like i normally do. it would. not go so well.#ALSO THE FLOW CHARTS ARENT NORMAL? i make flow charts before i call the bank or smth so i know what to say#its not just to blend in its also so i dont waste ppls time going uhhhhh as i think of how i put smth into words#its called stalling for time and i dont care if i have to say smth like thats just how the cookie crumbles if it gives me#5 more seconds to process whatever the fuck someone said without letting them think im not paying attention#doodles#diary#sona#puppysona#comics
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hellooo danandphilgames buddies!! happy belated 10 year (more like 5 but shhh) anniversary :-)
#dan and phil#daniel howell#phil lester#amazingphil#phanart#dnp art#IM SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO POST THIS HERE IVE BEEN MEANING 2 DO IT FOREVER#theres soooooo much i can say abt this piece... such a journey.... what a ride....#i gave this 2 them as a puzzle and had them sign a lil print of it and they were SOOOO SO SWEET WAHHH#i luv them sm.... im so grateful 4 their kind words it rly meant the world 2 me ;___;; <3333333#also dan was like “good luck to us doing that puzzle on the bus!” as i was walking away fkjhsdfhj#anyways anyways ok sry back 2 the pic!! theres SOOOO many parts thatd b fun 2 point out and explain but itd b too long for tags AAAAA#would any1 b interested if i made like... a thread on twt or smth mayhaps...? or reblog this with a read more underneath...?#ive only ever just posted art and dipped idk how non-tag yapping works despite me being on this site since i was like. 12 kdsjhfksdh#my art#if ur reading this hi ily i hope ur having a good day!! :-) <3
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The moment when you find exactly what you were looking for (it was your best friend the whole time)
(close-ups below & my commission info)
#oh to see your best friend and question wether or not it’s possible to believe another person into godliness#because you believe in her. and she’s the closest thing to a god that you’ve ever known.#I will never shut up about them. I don’t think it’s possible.#‘my president’?? okayyyyyyy 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈#im sorry. they are so in love it’s actually crazy.#I use the term ‘in love’ to describe strong nonromantic feelings also :)#but like it’s debatable. y’know. my headcanons are too specific to put into words you just have to link brains with me.#figs shirt was supposed to say ‘my girlfriend is a wizard and she will kill you’ but I couldn’t fit all of that on there#fig faeth#kristen applebees#faebees#figsten#rip fig you would have loved queerplatonic partnership and polyamory#I would include kristen in that statement but she’s already aware#it’s been too long since I’ve posted about them. I clearly have some feelings built up#fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#d20 fantasy high#d20 fanart#fantasy high fanart#fh#fhfy#fhjy#queerplatonic#undescribed#not described#my art
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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Blood Blossom Au: Baby's First Commissioner Meeting :)
TL:DR This Post: Danny (orphan) gets poisoned with blood blossom extract by Vlad. He runs away from him and ends up under the care of one Pre-Robin Battinson Batman! Starry is loudly pushing her batdad agenda.
(Also known as "Late At Night, When The Nightingale Sings" on my ao3!)
This was a fun rough idea I've been sitting on for weeks, thinking about how Commissioner Gordon and Nightingale's first meeting might go.
---------------
Commissioner Gordon likes to think that he's adjusting to the new normal of Gotham very well, -- the new normal being grown men running around dressed like bats, in military-grade strength body armor, committing acts of vigilantism, -- and slowly, little by little, he was no longer being surprised when this new normal pops up out of the shadows like the world's most terrifying daisy. His shaving lifespan thanks him for it.
....
The kid is a surprise though.
Granted, he seemed to be a surprise to the Bat too.
There's been a string of murders lately, -- which, in Gotham, is kind of like saying there's been another storm during monsoon season. And there's just been another; in some dilapidated building down in south Gotham, with the broken, boarded-up windows and mildew-crawling walls to match. The victim is a man in his thirties, multiple gunshot wounds to the chest, left in the center of the room for the blood to pool out around him.
The place is already secured when he arrives, the building swarmed with officers and the forensic detectives. The Bat emerges shortly after he does -- or, he might've been here the whole time, hiding someplace dark and shadowy. For his own sanity, Gordon doesn't think about it too hard.
The kid is a surprise, and he appears like a bolt of lightning.
He shows up in the middle of a conversation Gordon is having with the Bat.
A whistle, sharp and loud, slicing through the air, meant for open air rather than a confined space. Gordon's ears pierce and protest the sound, and the solemn, murmured chatter floating through the room abruptly cuts off like the swing of a gavel. As he turns towards the sound -- as they all do -- he swears, up and down, that he sees Batman's shoulders jump, just slightly.
At the source, perched on the window, is a boy. A boy in a gray-blue scarf and an oversized black hoodie, one that hangs off his frame and has ace bandages wrapped around the wrists in some attempt to cinch the sleeves. The hood is up, big like the rest of it, and threatens to swallow the upper half of the boy's face whole in the fabric. What upper half Gordon can see, is smeared with some kind of opaque, black face paint. He's holding onto the side of the frame with one hand, on his hip is a grappling hook. A familiar grappling hook.
Gordon has multiple questions, and his officers tense up.
Martinez puffs up, brows furrowing as his face shapes into a frown. Shoulders rolling back. "You can't be here, kid--"
The reaction is immediate, like a spark to gunpowder, the boy yanks his fingers from his mouth and his mouth twists into a scowl. Head snapping over to Officer Martinez, his hood manages to stay on but Gordon swears that as he bares his teeth, the glint makes them look sharper than they should be. His voice is rasp and quiet and harsh; snappish in its hissing; "Put a fuckin sock in it, Martinez. I'm not stayin."
Martinez reels back, and the boy immediately veers his attention off him. Like a switch, his demeanor drops. Despite half his face being covered, his mouth twists into a cringing, apologetic smile. Slanted and off-beat, embarrassed. It'd be disarming if this wasn't Gotham, and if he didn't just hiss at Martinez like he was about to bite his head off.
"Sorry." He whispers, voice deceptively polite and softer now. Gordon has to strain his ears to hear him. "I was looking for him."
He points his finger towards-- Gordon? No, Gordon follows the direction, and finds himself looking at -- the Bat.
The Bat, who always looks stiff as a pole, now looks even stiffer. Somehow. Well, the explains the grappling hook attached to the boy's waist.
"What are you doing here?" The Bat says, gruff and unable to completely smother the stumble of surprise in his tone.
The boy still holds a sheepish smile, and slips off the window ledge. His feet hit the creaky boards with a near-silent thud, the Batman finds his feet and rapidly begins crossing the room.
Gordon notes the slight tremble in the boy's legs as he straightens. He adjusts his scarf, which droops close to his knees now that he's standing, and slings a backpack -- how long has had that? -- off his shoulders. When the Bat reaches his side, he does as he always does, and looms over the boy like a spectre. A threatening mass of shadows cloaked in all-consuming black. Standing next to him, the boy looks teeny in comparison.
The Bat is a man who terrifies even the most hardened criminals, Gordon has seen grown men shiver in fear at the mention of his name. And yet when the boy looks up at him, he doesn't even flinch.
Instead, his sheepish smile melts away like ice under the sun, holding only traces of his previous embarrassment. It remains as a shadow on his face, a small upturn at the corners of his mouth. The boy pushes his hood back just enough to reveal glinting, ice-flint eyes surrounded in tar-black face paint. He holds the backpack up with one arm. "You forgot this."
#I have never seen Batman (2022) so really I'm just using battinson and crew as templates for my fic. but hey what else is new lol#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc fic#dpxdc au#dp x dc au#dpxdc fanfic#i dont know shit about detective work or true crime so forgive me for any bad terminology or incorrect procedure for how these things work#just a fun rough idea for how i imagined gordon's first meeting with nightingale goes LMAO. im sticking to the idea that danny doesn't#officially join the field for a *while* due to more than just health reasons. so his first appearances are brief and usually to give B smth#danny: im only here as express delivery for vader's little brother over there. yall stay safe tho.#bruce: *kill bill sirens bass-boosted* ohmygodwhatishedoinghere#batman: how did you get here... | danny: you have so many spare grappling hooks it was pr easy to just grab one and go#also danny is whispering on purpose because he doesn't have his ghost form to fall back on as a secret identity. so he *is* actually taking#extra steps to keep his identity safe. and people usually sound different when they're whispering. he also has personal beef with#office martinez despite the fact that they've never met. Danny's HEARD of his ass. he hATES his ass.#Martinez: *to batman* freak | danny: im going to Bite Him. | batman (reluctantly): hmr. please don't. | danny: im going for his shins#Martinez and Nightingale have this whole thing going on between the two of them. danny WILL slap a sticky note on Martinez's back that says#'asshole' on it and its the one spot square on his spine that martinez can't reach.#someone: why are you beefing with like. an actual 12 year old | martinez: HE'S A LITTLE RAT. THAT'S WHY. he's here to torment me#battinson: *did you grapple the whole way here* | danny: yah. it was kinda fun. i would've gotten here faster but i kept having to stop#battinson: *hnnn* im driving you back | danny:.. are you sure? | battinson already pulling him out of the room: y e s#i've been thinking about this for literally WEEKS. what did bruce forget? good question! i'll figure that out if or when i get to this#danny has Issues behind the word freak so its like a mini beserker button for him regardless of who the word is aimed at lol. lmao#martinez calls batman a freak once while nightingale is within range and its just the doom ost as danny simply Disappears from sight#like oops. you are now. In Danger. rip couldn't be me.#blood blossom au
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The fact that i still have more ideas of scenes to transform i to this meme...hopefully no one has beated me to these yes
#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool spoilers#deadpool 3#wolverine#logan howlett#dogpool#nicepool#sketch#ilustracion#digital ilustration#shitpost#i might make more of these ny brain is still going crazy over the movie#im also planning on getting a poster of the movie on my wall#genuinely in LOVE with this movie!!#deadpool#also sorry for keeping the last redraw with the spanish word i dont know how wolverine calls others in english#where i live the movie we watched the movie in spanish and thus he was just calling others papi#lots of fanart are drawing him saying bub? if thats the actual thing he calls him im not gonna fix it then cause papi is funner to me
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ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
#aromantic#aro positivity#aspec#aroace#aro#aromantic joy#arospec#when i saw its important to 'love' yourself - pls understand i am in no way trying to exclude loveless aros from this#that was just the easiest way to express what i meant! when i say 'love' i mean positivity/respect/happiness. etc. i just used that word bc#it works for ME which is why i said it. but feel free to replace it with whatever works for you! <2#also sorry if not everything im saying makes total sense i tried my best#this is something ive been thinking about for a while and have been struggling to articulate#i maybe should have read some theory for this abt community building but im too tired + overwhelmed w school reading right now so sorry.#if anyone has additions on that front though please do add them#also ngl im kinda scared to post this. i hope i explained what i mean well enough. like i get wanting to vent and express self hate BUT.#there is nuance to this and it is not unilaterally healthy i think. also i dont see any other online community fostering the normalisation#of selfhate the way the aspec one does! which makes me feel weird abt it especially.#anyway. this is basically my personal philosophy towards aromanticism#mossy posts#⚙️
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can we talk more about avpd being a (proposed) schizospec disorder? because i almost never see that theory talked about but i wish it was. like…
avpd makes me censor my thoughts because i think someone might hear what i’m thinking and see what a horrible person i am on the inside or judge me for thinking embarrassing things.
avpd makes me so afraid of someone walking in on me doing something i Shouldn’t Be Doing that my brain twists background noise into the sounds of whispers and footsteps behind me.
avpd makes me so worried about people staring at me that in my peripheral vision, anyone near me looks like they’re already staring at me, and it’s only when i look at them directly that i realize they’ve been looking in a totally different direction the whole time.
avpd makes me so convinced of how much everyone must secretly hate me that i often start thinking everyone secretly wants to hurt me too, to the point where i’ve had panic attacks from a person walking too close behind me because i feel like they’re getting ready to attack me (when i haven’t had any kind of trauma that would create that fear), and the paranoia just serves to reinforce my need to avoid people.
avpd makes me lose my ability to speak or reduces it to nothing more than one word answers only when spoken to, turning the thoughts i wanted to express into a jumble that’s impossible to turn into words or just throwing them away completely and making my mind go blank, so i end up just staring at people silently or even acting like i don’t see them standing there at all (not on purpose but because my brain won’t let me engage with them).
avpd makes me look damn near emotionless around everyone but my safe person (and sometimes even around my safe person) because showing my emotions would be far too vulnerable for its liking, so it completely takes away my ability to express them.
and i could keep going! there are so many things i experience because of avpd that i’ve seen really closely reflected in the experiences of schizospec people. i don’t know how common these kinds of things are in avpd overall, but they’re a really prominent part of my experience with it, so when i found out that some research suggested it could be considered a schizospec disorder itself, that made so much sense to me! and i’d be so curious to see how many other avoidants have dealt with this stuff but haven’t talked about it because it’s never mentioned as being part of avpd.
#this post was brought to you from the Looking Over My Shoulder Frozen In Fear Because Of The Whispers™️ position#which is. quite a common position for me#im honestly kinda nervous to post this bc i feel like somebody’s gonna be like ‘thats not avpd!’ or ‘thats not schizospec stuff!’#but oh well. that’s just how it is on the internet#i also feel a little weird about the wording bc i don’t really see avpd as an outside force that Makes Me do things#but it’s 5am and im too tired to think of a better way to say it#poss.speaks#discussion#avpd#actually avpd#actually avoidant#avoidant pd#avoidant personality disorder#cluster c#schizospec#schizophrenia spectrum#schizo spectrum#schizotaxic
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"if shermie is the baby in A Tale Of Two Stans then according to The Rest of the timeline he would've been a teen parent, and then dipper and mabel's parents would've been also, which would be kinda fucked up" I mean yeah alright. my mom had my brother when she was 17 and his dad was 16. I'm not saying it's a Great or even a particularly good thing but it does happen. the pines family is already so fucked up let's just add teen pregnancies to the mix. dipper and mabel's parents are getting divorced like canonically. their divorce is what kicks off the show
#words from the monarch#shermie being An Older Brother and the baby is his kid is interesting also and From Hwat Ive Heard is what alex is leaning towards now#ANYWAY THIS IS NOT TO SAY teen pregnancy is a personal moral failing or anything. im just really not sure A Teenager is truly ready for tha#im older now than my mom was when she had my brother. i think abt that. i could never be ready for that. but she had to be. bc it happened.#she became a mother before she was legally allowed to drink.#IM OLDER NOW THAN SHE WAS WHEN SHE HAD ME. I JUST REALIZED TGAT ALSO. JESUS CHRIST.#gravity falls#sorry is this tmi. i saw a video on gravity falls' timeline and was thinking#ask to tag
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nahhh bro 💀💀💀💀
#ava#animator vs animation#alan becker#ava victim#ava agent#mygod this is so fucking stupid#im sorry for this it was a late night thought and it was so hilarious to think about#he does kinda look like an alan though the more i look at him#new name hc dropped /JOKES#also stickizens is what im calling outernet sticks from now on hehe#this is also an attempt at a comic and writing dialogue for these two so please tell me what you think#“LILAC YOUCOULD HAVE JUST SAID HUMAN NAMES...” SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHHSHSHHSHHH lets jsut say they do not know about the word human please#i may have overthought this a little haha sorry#ihave edited this somnay times i need sleep#lilacsart
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