#also ik it’s been a long time since i posted omg

[ongshimi]

JUN FILORGA YOUTH AMBASSADOR

[glamourscat]

Omg I love that last Tim annon so bad I saw the exact post that they were talking abt and though I love the writer the Tim flanderization is so wild like have u looked at how he’s drawn in the comics??? Like he’s not Jason level ripped but u can’t tell me that he’s not even a little jacked 😭😭 + it honestly rly upsets me that ppl ran w the whole coffee addict thing like like my boy enjoy his zetsi in peace ☹️ ALSO ANOTHER THING ik that Tim having an awful sleep schedule is a thing in cannon but ppl make it seem like he doesn’t sleep at all when like he literally takes power naps all the time like bro deadass fell asleep on a roller coaster once and also this is lowkey unrelated but I don’t feel like ppl don’t make much use of the fact that bro is literally a master of disguise and has multiple disguises in fics like it would be so cute

But anyway that post awoke SMT within me sry for the yap I just love him so bad 😞🙏🏽🙏🏽

it's funny considering in canon he is drawn like this ->

lean, sure. But with a bit of muscles. Like, bro has been training since he was 14. And, i'm pretty sure we all do not care what DC says, they are all over the places with ages (like girl Jason is DEFINETLY NOT 19. He is pushing 25 lmao) but Tim is 22, period.

Anyway, i agree with everything you said! The last bit of your post inspired me to write something short, so here it is :) ⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹ “Tim, are you ready?” you shouted from his private bathroom, where you were finishing the last touch up of makeup before heading out to this secret mission you two had. 

It was supposed to be an easy thing really. Nothing too difficult. Yet, when you walked out, after not getting a response back, you were expecting everything but not what you saw. Why is your boyfriend dressed up as a woman? Is that a wing? And.. a pair of silicone breasts? What in the world– And why does he look so good? 

“Well, i can’t say i mind the view” you chuckle softly going behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist. Your head on his shoulder, gently leaving a kiss on it. The long hair from the blonde wig he was wearing tickling your neck.

“I know right? I look hot” he says grinning in the mirror as he finishes applying the lipstick so expertly on his plump, pink lips. 

“Is just.. Funny how you did not even react” he continued amused, finishing his look with a touch of perfume. 

Damn he looks so hot. Even more than usual. 

“I mean, it’s you. I am used to it now. Still, I suppose it’s for tonight’s mission, correct?” 

“Yeah” he hummed, looking at himself in the mirror one last time, pulling his black dress slightly down, before putting his heels on.

Since when does he know how to walk on heels? but, most importantly, since when does he own a pair of heels?

“Alright, let's go. We are going to be late” he said, opening and closing his hand extending it towards you. A sign that he wanted you to hold his hand.

“Yes, ma'am” you grinned, giving him a subtle– or maybe not so subtle– squeeze on his rear before moving to hold his hand as you two go out. 

This is going to be a long night indeed. 

[shalomniscient]

oml YOURE SO QUICK W THESE REQ HOLY MOLY. can i jst say that the way u write is so edible i eat it up every time

but enough of how much i admire ur work and efficiency

and i’ve seen ur deren post and IT WAS SO GOOD BRO LIKE. it’s exactly how i would have imagined her during sex omg YOU WROTE HER SO WELL!

anyway i’ve been thinking of what it would be like with ex! deren who has a kid with you. like how would the parenting dynamics work

maybe make up sex in the end. but you both say it’s for the kid (it isn’t entirely true tho…)

AAAAAAAAAAA im so glad the deren piece felt in character !! the whole time i was writing her i was like fuck it we ball HSKDGHSJHDGSJ but im happy u enjoyed !!

back to you || deren x reader [NSFT][MDNI]

cw. fingering, creampie

notes. ik this isnt as like. angsty as u requested for anon 😔😔😔 i fear i was not possessed by the angst demon this time

You could see the end right from the start.

Like, come on. Dating a famous movie director, one with absolutely rabid fans while you were just a regular ol’ person? You knew at some point they’d get in between you and Deren. One of you would crack first under the pressure of being watched for what seemed to be every moment of your waking life, trailed by flashing cameras and nosy excuses for ‘journalists’.

In the end, it was you.

It’s a cold night when you tell Deren you can’t do it anymore. Between the insanity that was the hate mail you recieved for simply having the audacity to be Deren’s partner to the constant surveillance whenever you step out of your home—or hell, whenever you don’t even close the fucking curtains properly—you just can’t take it any longer. Deren was just quiet that night, as if she too, had seen this coming. All she did was hold you, and the next morning, it was over.

You do your best to vanish after that. Fly under the radar for a few months, up until the heat and the scandal of the legendary director’s separation dies down. Thankfully, it doesn’t take too long since Deren’s latest movie is released at this time too, and the public conversation shifts from ‘what happened to director Deren’s partner?’ to ‘is this new movie going to win the next DisCars?’

And you’re immensely grateful for it, since it’s at this same time that you also find out you’re pregnant.

The baby is, unostensibly, Deren’s. You haven’t had a partner since her—you haven’t dared, for fear someone might recognise you—so you’re very sure Deren’s the sire. Yet despite your confidencd, you don’t breathe a word of it to her. You block her on all social medias and even go as far as to changing your phone. Some may call you extreme, but just the thought of your child having to endure such public scrutiny from the moment of their birth and hell, even before, sickens and frightens you.

No, you’ll do this on your own.

So you do. You have your baby—a little boy, with the same eyes and hair as his sire—on your own in the hospital, and you raise him on your own in your little apartment in Eastside. You make just enough for the both of you to live comfortably, and while it’s not a glamorous life, one that Deren could’ve afforded you with her money and influence, it’s a quiet, peaceful one—and you much prefer it, even if it means there will forever be a small piece of you that feels incomplete without her.

Your son is five when Deren’s latest grotesque rom-com is released, and when she disappears from the public eye. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t get a nervous knot in your stomach from the weirdness of it all. You’d watched the movie, and while it was good there was something distinctly… not Deren about it. You think about reaching out, just to make sure if she alright, but you see your son playing with his toys on the living room carpet, blisfully unaware of the drama unfolding in the cinematic world, and you set the phone right back down.

(You try not to think of her every time you look into your son’s eyes.

Most of the time, you don’t succeed.)

For the next year or so, you live your life as normal. You wake up, make breakfast, wake your son up, eat breakfast, send him to school, then go to work. The cycle repeats over and over, and you’ve always liked rhythms. Life, on the other hand, has very different plans, and loves throwing wrenches into well-oiled machines. Or in your case, sending your ex right to your front door after you haven’t spoken a word to her in six years.

“Hey,” she says, and you almost close the door on her right then and there. “Can I come in?”

“What— what are you doing here, Deren? How did you even find me?” you splutter out in an agitated whisper, your eyes flicking behind her, anxiously hoping none of the neighbors saw her. Deren shrugs and gives you a lazy smile.

“I made some new friends, and let’s just say that they… have their ways,” she replies enigmatically, so inherently Deren in a way you’ve always missed deep down that your heart aches in your chest. You open your mouth to retort, when you hear one of the neighbor’s doors opening, and you quickly reach out to grab Deren’s wrist and pull her inside. She lets you tug at her without much complaint, and immediately starts looking around your apartment once she’s inside. “Nice place.”

“Thanks,” you answer stiffly, sighing as you lock the door. “But you didn’t answer the question.”

“I’m here to see you,” Deren shrugs, hands in her pockets. She looks away, as if still admiring your interior design choices, but you know her well enough to know she’s avoiding your eyes. “And our kid.”

You inhale sharply at that. “How did you…?”

“Like I said,” Deren hums with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “My new friends have their ways.”

You bite your lip as you think of what to do. Part of you wants to push her right back out the door, but the bigger part of you urged you to let her stay.

(Selfishly, you’ve missed her too. You haven’t let go of her wrist, and she hasn’t pulled away either.)

“He’s in the living room,” you say quietly, and when Deren turns back to look at you, there is a glimmer of something like hope and relief in her eyes. Her fingers gently reach out to brush your own, testing the waters, and you hear her exhale softly when you intertwine them. God, it’s fucking sickening how well she fits back into your hands, as if she never left.

You lead her to the living room, where your son sits on the floor, drawing into his sketchbook on the coffee table. When he looks up and sees Deren, her hand squeezes yours like she’s trying to ground herself in your presence.

“He looks like me,” she whispers out, and you nod. She lets go of your hand then slowly makes her way over to the little boy, crouching to get on his level. “Hey, kid. What’s your name?”

You watch as Deren interacts with your son, and pretend you don’t notice the way your heart races. He’s remarkably comfortable with Deren despite just meeting her, and it makes your chest ache. Within minutes she has him telling her about all his favourite things, especially his current obsession with dinosaurs that seemingly all six year old boys go through. You make drinks for them both—tea for Deren and juice for your son—and just let them talk, busying yourself in the kitchen.

About an hour later, Deren walks up to you from behind, the little boy held gently in her arms. He’s fast asleep, cheek resting on Deren’s shoulder and you reach out to brush some hair away from his face. “His bedroom is down the hall,” you say, and Deren nods, quietly padding to the boy’s room to put him to bed.

When she returns, she finds you in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and looking away from her. The atmosphere is thick and heavy with things both of you want to say to each other, and Deren finds the courage to go first.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks, her voice soft, but not accusatory. You think that Deren knows, deep down, exactly why, but she wants to hear it from you first.

"I didn't want that life for him," you answer, and Deren just nods. She's been a director long enough to see with her own eyes what fame in a family does to a child. To grow up with the eye of the world on you is a stifling, choking thing. Now, it was your turn to ask.

"Why are you here, Deren? Really?"

Deren takes a step towards you, and you can smell her cologne at this distance—as familiar as ever. "I... want to be here. With you. And our son."

"You can't be serious," the words slip from your lips before you can stop them. "What about your—"

"Fuck it," Deren says, and you don't think you've ever seen her this serious. It makes your breath hitch, and whatever else you were going to say lodge in your throat. "I mean it. I'm not going to be going back to film-making for a while, and I want to be a part of your life again. A part of his."

She takes another step closer, hesitantly, as if she's scared you might flee. But you don't, and now she's just centimeters away from you. Her large hand rises ever so slowly to caress your cheek as she leans her forehead against yours.

"Please," she whispers, lips brushing yours. "Give me a chance, [name]."

And despite it all, despite the six years of saying you'd never go back, you're the one to close that last remaining distance and kiss her. She tastes the same as you remember, and her other hand holds your waist to pull you impossibly closer. Your own arms loop around her neck, flinging that silly bucket hat off to tangle your fingers in her grey hair. Deren manages a small laugh against your lips before she breaks away, and stars trailing more kisses down your neck.

As much as you remember her, she remembers you. Her lips find every one of the sensitive spots on your neck—at your pulse point below your jaw, the front of your throat and the slope where your neck meets your shoulder, near your collarbones. You shudder against the countertop and bite your lip to stifle any sounds. You don't want to wake you son up, after all.

So instead, you gasp, "bedroom", and Deren instantly understands. Firm hands find your ass, squeezing appreciatively, before she lifts you up into her arms. The director had always been deceptively strong, and you wrap your legs around her defined waist. It's your turn now to pepper her neck with kisses, and Deren groans as she makes her way to your bedroom, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass. Between your legs, you can feel her bulge pressing against your front and you shiver.

Deren manages to carry you all the way to your bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind her before gently setting you down on the bed. The lights are off, but even in the dark you can still see the way Deren's eyes shine as they look at you—like she still loves you. Her fingers find the waistband of your pants, and she looks at you in question, a wordless can I? She smiles when you nod, and tugs your pants and panties down in one go, and exhales a pleased sigh when she notices the string of slick connecting your pretty pussy to the fabric.

"Always so pretty, baby," she murmurs, slotting herself between your legs and dragging a finger through your folds. You whimper at the sensation, hips twitching. Her hands move to caress your hips and waist, thumbs brushing over the soft flesh and the stretch marks there. "So fucking pretty."

"Deren," you gasp, feeling almost mindless with need. "Please."

"I know, baby, I know," she coos, leaning down to kiss you by bracing her weight on one elbow, while her other arm takes position between your thighs. "'m gonna take care of you now, m'kay?"

You dig your fingers into her back when she sinks one of hers into you, the sheer amount of slick you've produced making the slide easy. You tremble beneath her and Deren kisses you between your breathy moans, slowly starting to piston her finger in and out of your cunt while her thumb works your clit. You squirm and clench around her, and Deren, bless her or damn her, knows exactly what to do, slipping another finger into you all the way to the knuckle in one go.

She swallows the cry you let out, tongue tracing the seam of your lips. She fingerfucks you with frankly unfair skill, all the while pressing burning kisses to your lips, jaw and neck. Your peak creeps up on your embarrassingly fast, and with one last perfect curl of her fingers you cum all over her hand. Your fingers claw down Deren's back and she grunts at the sensation, slowing down her fingers until she finally draws them out of your fluttering cunt. Your slick makes her fingers shine in the low light, and Deren takes her time to admire the way it travels down her knuckles and onto her forearm.

She's so enraptured that she doesn't notice your hand sneaking down her body until it cups her bulge, and she jerks, looking down at you in surprise. "We don't have to—" she says, but you cut her off by running your hand up and down her clothed length, causing her to shut her eyes and grit her teeth.

"Shut up and fuck me," you say hoarsely, and looking at you now, hair splayed across the bed like a halo, your neck covered in hickeys, flushed from your neck to your face and with your legs wide open and your inner thighs glossy with cum, how could Deren ever deny you?

She's more frantic now, fucking you with her cock with more urgency than when she used her fingers. She groans with every thrust into your tight, perfect cunt—God, she's missed you so fucking much. She mutters into your ear with each drive of her hips, of how no one else ever came close to comparing to you, how no one else had a pussy just made for her like yours and it makes you clench even tighter around her. She gasps your name like a prayer as she feels her orgasm approach, and moves to pull out, but you keep your legs locked around her waist.

"On the pill," you gasp out, biting your lip. "Inside, please, need it inside—"

"Fuck, baby," Deren swears, burying her face in your neck, fucking into you even faster. "It's all yours, baby, 'm gonna give it all to you, yeah?"

You would have thought it funny, if you had any semblance of higher thought left—this was exactly how your son came about. But something about Deren always makes you lose your fucking mind, and you only nod frantically, begging for her.

With one final drive of her hips, Deren buries herself as deep as she can go and spills into you. The sensation of being filled and warmed from the inside shoves you over your own peak, and you sink your teeth into Deren's shoulder as you body locks up with pleasure. Her hips stutter as she cums, spilling rope after rope of thick release into your eager, welcoming cunt that's squeezing along her length like it's trying to milk her dry.

When she finally stops, she flops onto you, flushed and panting. You're no better beneath her, thighs still trembling, though the feel of being so full of her cock and her cum makes a heady rush of endorphins flood your brain.

"I missed you," Deren confesses against your skin after a while. She hasn't pulled out, and you haven't asked her to pull out. Her finger draws little circles around your waist.

"I know," you whisper in response, pressing a kiss against her hair. "I missed you too."

You don't share any more words after that. It's too early for those words, been too long since either of you spoke it to each other, but there's a flicker of hope in your chest that one day, you'll both make it back to that point—and hopefully, this time, you'll make it stay.

[martyryo]

Okay

I don't do..anons. so yes, just gonna ask this as me‼️ Hello‼️‼️

When

Right okay, I saw your art like the yellow red one right and I saw you talking about your tulpa in that and it took me a second cause at first I thought you were doing a Collab with someone and I was looking for a tagged account or something 😭😭 and then I was like hang on it's not been tagged so it can't be that. And then I saw the hashtag about the tulpa thing and my brain was like, I've heard that term before. And I had, but it was cause of Supernatural. Think the episode was Hell House, either way in that course some kids draw a sigil and don't know what they're doing, spread a rumour and enough people see the sigil and believe the made up story for it to become real. I'm gonna hazard a guess that this isn't what's happening here. Cause 1. No axe murderers are present and 2...idk. suppose it wasn't on accident lol

But basically, what I'm asking is, what's gone on? Like please could you define what a tulpa is cause I'm a tad bit confuseled. I've got a grasp. A jist if you will. But yeh, that, and how it works for you and how long all this has been about for because yeh, the original post confused me a lot and I had no context to understand what was going on lol

Hiii!!!!!

Ok so, never watched supernatural cause I lack media culture, but I looked at the fandom wiki and I assure you it's NOTHING like that 😭

Ik the practice of creating a tulpa comes from buddhism and is related to religion and stuff, but like I found out about it through an online friend back in 2017ish cause they developed one. Needles to say, in these cases we're talking about the western interpretation of the phenomenon that is mainly psychological and not spiritual.

With a tulpa you bascially create a sentient being on a subconscious level that shares the body with you. Please note that this is not in any way related to conditions such as DID, as you do not have the splitting of a subconscious, you actually add more of them into a body. And an important aspect that separates tulpae from alters is that with a tulpa you're fully aware and consensual with having a second person inside the body, you will never accidentally develop a tulpa out of the blue.

To make an example also, imagine there's a wheel with a hamster inside, they represent respectively the body and the subconscious mind that inhabits it. Now imagine there are more hamsters but they're in the same wheel. That's a body with more subconsciouses (I might be butchering this word I'm so sorry).

Needless to say, doing this requires a long trail of meditation, as one needs to focus on everything they perceive out of a person normally (the way they look, talk, move, smell. you get it, everything) and obviously their personality. These things do change with time once the tulpa settles as a stable part of the host's (the one who creates them) life, but at least sketching down the idea of the person that you're creating helps in the overall process.

Ok so. The most important part. A tulpa is NOT evil, and cannot be evil. That's something I found out in the guides I followed at the start of my journey with my first tulpa. They have no reason to turn over their creator cause they are meant to be companions. I'm not super informed on the theory thing now cause I got into it two years ago and since then we've just been living, but there articles online who talk about this so feiughirgh

Now, in my experience Jack came to be part of my life around two years ago, on july 9th. I was going through a weird depressive period where I would not talk to anybody and felt like shit over nothing. During that time I also used to watch fight club a lot, like three times a week, and grew obsessively attached to the characters to the point all I thought about was fc (this feels so weird to remember omg). Anyways, remembered about my friend with the tulpa, and decided to do the same thing. So I got informed on the procedure and gradually managed to develop Jack over time :3

On the 27th of Trevor also started developing, in his case it was Jack that went throughout the major part of the creation process cause I was busy with school, but yeah since then it's been the three of us living life yk.

Also, I obviously got better since that summer, them being with me helped me out a lot and obviously I didn't create them with the intent of getting. Free experimental therapy or some shit. They are part of me and I love them ver very much, knowing that they're always with me brings a sense of sheer comfort in my life. I just love my bros man. Then again, I suck at communication so there are days when we talk less. nonetheless we still interact via concepts or through the headspace (mental landscape where they pretty much live when not fronting).

Oh, also lately we've been aware of the fact that Jack is kinda always fronting (fronting is having control of the body btw kewnkfkgb) during the day when we are in silence at a school or on the bus, while I am the one that keeps the conversations with people (ironic ik). Trevor instead has no interest in the outside world, he just stays in the headspace and works as a mechanic apparently (he doesn't tell me where his workplace is also??? like for no reason at all also, I can't find that fucking place no matter how much I roam around).

Ough ok I know I sound a bit insane saying those things, but that's how it is 💨

With tulpamacy there are so many aspects one can discuss, but again, there are guides online where everything you need to know is explained, and they are explained better than whatever ramble I'm putting down here. I'm not an expert of the field, I just happen to be living it yk.

Sorry for the long and I guess confusing post, there is much more stuff I could tell you about but like. I think this manages to get the overall idea of how we work out 😸

[obae-me]

Omg Hi!!! It has been so long since I have seen you on my dash! How are you doing love? I hope you are doing super well ^.^ I recently saw your Mc with trauma post. I loved it so much, and it has also given me a lot to mull over the past few days lol.

Honestly I love the idea of a traumatized Mc and the brothers feeling like absolute shit for the way they treated them in the beginning... but yk another part of me wonders when I imagine my own traumas in that scenario... that for people (the bros- literal demons) who have faced so many things and traumas in their own lives, whether my feelings or pain is even comparable to that. Ik you can't compare things like that and the brothers would probably even be mad if I think of my feelings this way since it's the "Ohhhh someone always has it worse. It's not even that bad so just suck it up" self-deprecating part of me. Despite knowing ALL THAT I can't help but think that I am not traumatized enough to deserve empathy lmao (I realize how stupid it sounds saying it out loud).

So that is what REALLY got me thinking. What about an Mc that is genuinely terrified of scrutiny, being a nuisance and just basically inconveniencing anyone for things that are just basic needs. Idk if I am explaining it well enough oof and a mc like that (like me lmao) certainly won't bode well with Lucifer. Atleast not in the beginning. I could hate him (I could never but if I did) but still be terrified of disappointing him. This is what I mean when I say I love him but he reminds me too much of my father habits wise 🤢.

I am thinking a Mc who is afraid of asking even their basic needs at the beginning once Lucifer mumbled about them being too much trouble. Mc who feels so extremely guilty when the brothers get anything for them, cuz they feel like they have to work for it or they don't deserve it. Mc whose blood freezes over when they break something and try to replace it as quick as possible so no one blames them. Mc who never expresses their concerns so as to not add to the brothers' already full plates or worry them. It hurts to bottle it all up but seeing the brothers' concerned faces with so much PITY is a thousand times worse. Mc who never complains and adjusts to even unfair situations so as to not be a bother. Mc who just takes, takes and takes everything bad and doesn't say a word cuz they feel like they deserve it. Mc who tells little white lies to hide their flaws and be the perfect exchange student and avoid scoldings and criticisms ; only to stew in shame, disgust, self-loathing when someone eventually catches up on one of the lies (the person probably didn't even make a big deal of it/ was only mildly disappointed but Mc feels their heart breaking in two as they think they have broken their trust forever and would never be trusted again)

Gosh this got way longer than I was expecting >.< and a lot of signs like these aren't really obvious until you are close to that person. I think so many of us are so hard and rutheless to ourselves when sometimes the thing we need the most is a little compassion and understanding ;-;

Hi! I love seeing you in my inbox and thank you! I've been in recovery mode for the last few months but am finally coming back out of that cave and working on my hobbies again (seriously going too long without writing almost feels like going without food for me)! I hope you've been doing well too!

And oof, yes, I understand what you're saying completely. I'm like that too in a lot of ways, keeping certain details or complaints to myself because "Oh surely what I've been to is really nothing". And sometimes I let something slip and people get very concerned. Which is validating in a way, not that I need to be validated for it, everyone goes through their own pain and awful things SUCK no matter to what extent it is and I've had to learn that through my life.

(Wow that MC really is just me, huh? Calling me out are you? /j)

Honestly this type of MC is just canon to me. (I mean, the more pithy responses the MC has in original OM might just be due to writing but to me it just seems like the calm and general response of someone throwing out NPC answers as a survival tactic.)

They suck things up and soak up everything that's been said to them and work hard to remain a normal functioning being.

And of course Lucifer is an interesting character to think about with this MC because on one hand the human could absolutely despise him for the way he treats them. Or on the other hand (if you're like me I guess, which I realize is hella unhealthy, oops) the MC could look up to him and work extra hard to try to gain his validation, because getting praise from someone like that means you must not be a failure, right?

And just...the dynamic of that is so appealing to me, because Lucifer loves when people work hard and do what they're told, but then if he finally comes to the realization that they're burning out and actually almost putting themselves in more danger and harm because of HIM? And at the end of the day he's doing more damage than any of his chaotic brothers? (I like to have him spiral and be humbled just a bit)

Just all of the brothers doing some deep introspection once they come to care for MC and needing to sit down and realize that probably made their human feel so much worse and then spending the rest of eternity trying to fix that. And then the "I can fix him" mentality from MC turns into the "I can fix them" from every other character. A special Uno Reverse, if you will.

Oops, this turned into a fairly long ramble of my own...

Thanks for popping into my inbox with your thoughts! Traumatized MC deserves some extreme love

[rocketkid300]

i just finished “ali roma’s on the case” and i just want to say that it’s one of the best POV outsider fics i’ve read 😭 also i just wanna know if it’s really done since it’s 7/9 chapters on ao3 ? thank you !!!

Hiiiii sorry for the late response!

Ali Roma's on the case is NOT finished yet :) I have one more main story chapter to wraps things up and then a (potential) epilogue chapter from Kageyama's POV to round out the story. (Side tangent, but I'm considering changing the chapter count to be out of 8, that way the main story shows up as complete but I can go back and add the epilogue whenever I feel like) ANYWAYS.

Ik it's been a REALLY long time since I posted chapter 7 and I feel really bad about it hvkjhdkjhkj everyone has been so nice about my fic and I'm just making everyone wait BUT DON'T WORRY I am SO close to being done w the latest chapter it just needs a few rounds of edits and it'll up soon!

Also: The best outsider POV fic you've read?? jfhgkjdhgk omg thank you that's such high praise I feel honored! Please take this snippet from my drafts as a thank you for your patience:

[delliebre]

what the f i just stumbled upon ur profile today and i have to say its the most gorgeous art ive ever seen im being serious i am in absolute awe.. i need to have it hanged on my wall omg you are so talented!! if you dont mind could you share a little bit about your art journey/how long youve been actively practising and how you found your style?

Hiii wow thank you!! I had made an art journey post a few months ago but deleted it I think.. but basically I started like how most artists do with paper and stuff. I began as a small child, inspired by my father, wanting to impress him and to overall create things.

I have been actively practicing digital art since 2018 that is when I got a drawing tablet and wanted to seriously improve.

See my instagram acc: nonnydoge. Most of my old works from when I was...12 to now? Idk but I kept some up despite embarrassment. The first ones I did on my phone I loved using Ibispaintx but I started digital art with the sony sketch app.

I have always loved thick-like brushwork in art. But I thought I should not pursue it because I was not very good and pursuing a style before finding footing in fundamentals, I knew, was not how I wanted to stump myself. So I did not focus much on style for years as means to improve. But I felt really bad each time I made high detail, rendered work... despite how silly and stupid that sounds. It was not the look I wanted to create with.

I look up to some artists with high quality, super detailed work, but I do not want to create like that. My favorite painting I have done, it is an acrylic painting I did in like 10 minutes... it is simple.

I am a nerd lol I get emotional looking at some paintings of trees simply because they are painted so well.

I just really love looking at paintings that do not do all the work for me. I love finding it. I love mess.

And yet when I create work that is like that, I still feel really bad. I think others will then think I do not even know how to "render" or detail. But I can... I have done it for years.. and it is my own self-doubts and insecurity that stop me often from just leaving paintings that are messier, that I enjoy the look of... so I end up rendering them further, pushing them into a style that, when it is done and I step back from, I hate.

It is stupid. I feel bad when I create high-detail, sharp work, and I feel bad when I create messier, painterly work... I think then you can understand my hatred for my art every day lol....

It does not help with the things I have been told, either, since creating looser work :/

But anyway. It took maybe 3 years for me to feel a bit happier since starting with ps in 2018 with my improvement. I think my most popular work is from 2021? It is detailed. I do not think it is bad, I just do not, and I know at the time did not, want to draw like that and was upset with myself at the end of it.

2018 - 2021 so 13-16 here

but this is also a 2018 😂:

In checking the profile, you can determine when I started to make "decent" work lol.

In recent years, I have not been "grinding" learning art any much more.. I am just coasting ig even tho ik I shoulddd be practicing more. My friends, like, everyday practice for HOURS in a discord call and wow I don't even like drawing for more than 30 mins☠️ Sometimes I join them but they are just my podcast lol I love them and their art <3

anyway.. I am SO happy that when i was 17 I made this blog because it allowed me to draw and post humans more!

Thank you again!!

I am very thankful for all who have been so kind to me and my art!! I never would have imagined!! I also never would have imagined my absolute favorite digital painters, those who I have looked up to since beginning my journey saw my art and followed me!!!

It is crazy.

Yeah I feel like an absolute shit artist every day LOL but still I do appreciate everyone who is kind to me I am just my biggest hater and doubter.

[apopcornkernel]

“the one year later event is mostly a clown carnival BUT i actually love the nightwing brothers in blood arc . they did that for me. complicate your familial relationships!!! no linear healing and no linear love!!!!!!” —me, right before my reread of nightwing: brothers in blood, unaware of the emotional tumult i was about to unleash on myself

an assortment of thoughts after my reread of nightwing: brothers in blood

(omg kalis user jason todd means filipino jason todd— okay yes ik it's a kris and that talia gave it to him and that a kalis is longer, sword length, but let me be delusional for a moment)

fanon and ao3 would have you believe that dick would be reaming bruce out for his behavior in batman: under the hood. it is a delight to rediscover that though dick remains #1 batman arguer, he has not done anything of the sort in regards to how bruce has treated jason's return.

introducing my new fav panel of all time:

And Jason, Jason... God, I wish he had died that night with Batman and Joker...

i lied in the post title, btw. i actually have only one main thought about this run.

i have a proposition to make, batman fandom: dick is actually more wary of Jason then bruce is.

i think—dick heavily dislikes jason for always being able to uncover the old wound. i think as someone who's been there since the start, has seen bruce through his best and his worst, cannot stand this grinning spectre upending all the progress bruce has made with his grief. and! i think a part of dick has always felt unsettled that even he couldn't completely heal that grief. and the one person who could do it (he thinks), the one person who is against all odds alive to do it—what does jason do? he needles the wound open. he won't let it rest. he beats up dick's little brother. he sows chaos all over gotham and dick's new city. he saw bruce drown in the self-destructive depression for years and the one person who might have helped ease it in a way no one else could is too busy cutting a bloody swath through various cities.

i think, also, that this—detachment, if you will, is aided by the fact that dick and jason did not know each other as well as they might have. jason was taken in after bruce fired dick, so nightwing was still taking off solo. they have been able to connect and dick and jason have very cute interactions pre-ditf but it's a drop in the ocean compared to dick and tim's relationship.

there is also, i think, a disconnect between robinjay and red hood jason—his little brother died with robinjay, and whoever the red hood is is almost a stranger

He's someone from a long, long time ago. Black sheep of the family, as it were. His name is Jason Todd. He thinks he's me. This may sound crazy, but... he's supposed to be dead. Twice over.

"from a long, long time ago." and like i said, there's this almost detachment from dick, no (positive) reminiscence of jay's robin days. i do think that dick, wrt jason, is mostly unrestrained by past sentiment—or at least he's better at separating that sentiment than bruce, who although tries to remain objective in his chase against red hood, is also notably shaken, to the point that jason was able to force his hand & drive him to panic, leading to half-thought, panicked decisions that a level-headed batman would not have made (as i think we are all in agreement that bruce would not actively decide to disarm his son via batarang to the throat, especially considering his no-kill rule.)

there's more i'd like to say, but this is most of it—i don't want to drown the dash with batman rambling, but im asking yall to consider it. think about how delicious this dynamic is!! there's so so much to explore!!! and i think it really hammers home just how much the world has changed during jason's death & disappearance 🫣

a final aside before i end this post:

JASON: That's Blüdhaven.

BRUCE: Dick...?

JASON: My God. Is Nightwing there? Imagine that. One son returns from the grave as another enters it... what a fitting ending this has become.

i adore jason's reaction to blüdhaven blowing up in utrh. he's like "my god... 😮 is nightwing there? 🤭 imagine that 😗" HE'S SO SILLYYY. bruce is anguished, having a Time because his exploded son is back from the dead just in time for his other son to also (possibly) die in an explosion—as jason says, "one son returns from the grave as another enters it"—and jason is GIGGLING. i hate him so much <3

[destinyc1020]

Do you have any Sunday Confessions of your own (can b regarding celebs or smthn else)? Mine are:

1. With baby mama culture being so popular its nice to see Z get engaged (and probably married) to a man who seems to really respect her, seemingly treats her right and they both maintain the same level of privacy. Shes always seemed to take her time when it came to her career n it seems to b the same with her personal life

2. I feel like Anya Taylor Joys fashion really fell off once she stopped working with Law. Her looks just havent been memorable to me

3. Im relieved Z n Tom wont have to interact with Kaia on the future American Speed premiere lmao Kaia/Z seem friendly bt ever since Kaia has broked up with JE i feel like shes wanted to latch onto Z and it dsnt really strike me as genuine. Ik they'll prob see each other at a Met Gala or some type of awards party bt i dnt see them being on the same level to where theyll b at the same awards show or any type of acting project. Good luck to K tho n Ayo... watch out 👀

4. The whole engagement caught me by suprise and the thought of Tom planning the proposal, right down to what he was goimg to wear, is soooo sweet. Whenever one calls the other my fiance/fiancee, ima b screaming lol

In answer to your Confessions:

1. Yea girl, I'm really glad and OVERJOYED that Tom and Zendaya did things right. 😁 No baby-mama culture over here. I'm sure ANY couple who dates each other for a number of years and has been having sex has had some "near misses" or has even had to have some pregnancies terminated (I was SHOCKED with Britney and Justin!😳), but it seems like TZ (thankfully) have not had to have the latter, and they are trying to focus on their careers before getting into a marital union with each other. They did things the right way. 😊 It's HARD having a career in Hollywood AND having a good romantic relationship w/someone that you can trust. So they were definitely VERY fortunate!

2. I agree! I think she had better style when she was with Law as well. Oh well! Idk what happened btwn them, but as long as both parties are happy, I'm happy for them. 😊

3. LOL!😂 Yea girl, I'm a little relieved of that as well. Kaia has never seemed genuine to me, so I'm very relieved that not only are she and Austin done, but also relieved that maybe she won't be sniffing around Z anymore either lol. I don't trust that girl at all lol. 😬 She's the definition of opportunist and clout chaser. But, good luck to her though.

4. I'll be honest, the engagement itself didn't really surprise me! Remember, we've been speculating that they've been engaged for YEARS now lol. I really felt like 2023 and 2024 they seemed like they were engaged. I guess we were wrong! 😅🤣 But the signs still revealed that they were definitely working towards engagement. It was just way too obvious. OMG I cannot WAIT until they call each other "fiancé/fiancée"!!! 😭

MY Sunday Confessions: Hmmm...Okay, let me see if I can think of some, and then I'll post them in a separate post!

[soaps-mohawk]

Hiiii this is my first time doing an ask tbh very nervous for no reason 👉👈

BUT I just have 2 things :)

1- I LOVE you and your work ma’am you do a great job with writing. And I adore you and I hope you are doing great and take time for you mental health bbg 🫶

2- Ik this has been asked so many times before but I can’t find the posts anymore 😭 and Ik youve also said that you don’t read often so if it’s ok, if some of my fellow readers could recommend some other a/b/o fics or !hybrid fics I beg 🤲 I consume these silly little fics like my life depends on it

Byebye love u🫶

Aww don't be nervous!!! So sorry it took this long to respond but I was on break 😭

Thank you 🥹 this is so sweet omg I could cry 😭 I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!! I hope you continue to do so.

I'm sure my readers probably could rec some stories since I'm useless and don't read lmao 🤣

[sidemenxyn]

Music Festival Version 1

Summary: Y/n is a famous singer and is headlining at Reading Festival and the boys decided to come join along!

Ok ik I said platonic!sidemen x Y/n are no face claims but for this I wanna do Billie Eilish since she has so many concert photos from her ‘Happier Than Ever’ tour and I love her sm so yeah… Also wanna mention that instead of doing red roots it’s the other way around. Y/n (Billie) used to have red roots and now has green. Also imagine the photos of her are in all the same fit that you’d wear or something. But anyways enjoy!

Tw: none! But it’s not proof read (like most posts😭)

–—–

@Y/n.Y/l/n

@Y/n.Y/l/n: Can’t wait to see you all tonight at Reading Festival, I have a little surprise for you all!! Can’t wait for you guys to see!! Two surprises to be revealed later tonight! Enjoy 🤍

Comments:

@TaliaMar: Can’t wait to see my girl! 🩷

– @Y/n.Y/l/n: see you there ml 🩷

@Y/n.Fan: wonder what the surprise is??? Can’t wait to watch her live!!

@ksi: 👀👀

– @Y/n.Y/l/n: 🤔🤔

@Y/n.Fan2: omg is ksi preforming with Y/n???

– @Y/n.Y/l/n: maybe, maybe not🤔

– @Y/n.Fan2: omg!!!??

And more…

–—–

You were currently back stage, people were arriving and queueing up to watch others before your headlining performance. You were sat with all the boys around and you had ordered some food before hand.

You were sat in between Talia, your life long friend and Harry. Everyone was so excited about today. Once you and Talia were down eating you both went over to your makeshift wardrobe and made an outfit for tonight. You were so excited, seeing all your fans who have been by your side for years and helping you get to where you are today, it’s a miracle.

You all were walking around the back stage area getting ready. Taking photos and having fun, you decided to give the fans and extra surprise.

–—–

@Y/n.Y/l/n

@Y/n.Y/l/n: You feel the nostalgic yet?

Comments:

@Y/nFan: OMG NO WAY FROM RED TO GREEN AHHHH

@Y/nFan2: omg her hair looks so good!!🖤💚

@behzingagram: Yes!! Y/n in her new era!! 💚🖤

–@Y/n.Y/l/n: 🫶🫶

@Y/nFan3: maybe we’ll get more of her older songs tonight!!??

And more…

–—–

After most performers had done their shows, the sun was setting and the mood was perfect. It was now your time to shine. So you went over towards the stage with the boys. You were hugging them all, Josh said “put on the best show for all of us, yeah?” You smiled and nodded “of course I will!” Harry said “I’d say break a leg but we know what happened last time!” You laughed as you hugged him and replied “yep! Definitely remember!” As you were done. You heard your intro song come on. Then it was time!

You ran out on stage as everyone cheered loudly. You waved and pointed to your hair as you knew people at the festival most likely didn’t have service. Then the crowd screamed even louder as if that was possible. You smiled and spoke into the microphone “hi guys! Do you like my new hair?” You pointed the mic to the crowd and heard everyone cheer. You said “is everyone ready!!” You heard the beginning of your song start to begin and you started to sing.

After some time, you were given a little break so the crew behind the scenes could prepare your guitar and such. You said into the microphone “ok, you guys an have a breather! We definitely went all out, huh?!” You laughed and said “make sure you drink and check up on yourself or the people around!. While everything is getting set up! I have two announcements. I don’t know if you guys have seen my post but I mentioned that I have two announcements. So imma tell you guys first!” You took a breather and said “first things first I’m glad to announce that you guys will be hearing a new album soon!!” The crowed cheered loudly. You said “also I have some special guests, they have been with me since day one, through thick and thin! Believed in me no matter what! Please welcome my friends, the sidemen!!” Everyone was cheering as they watched the boys appear from behind back stage. Walking over to you they all either dapped you up or hugged you. You spoke into the microphone “you guys should’ve seen their reactions to my new hairstyle, should I post their reactions?” And by guessing by the cheering they said yes.

The boys were on stage for a few minutes before waving their goodbyes and letting you finish up the show.

After a few more minutes the show was over. You spoke “Hope you all enjoyed tonight’s show! I love you all, hope you enjoyed not just my concert but everyone’s else’s you may have seen today. Make sure you go check out the sidemen channel and I’ll see you all soon! Bye I love you!!” You waved and bowed. Blowing a few kisses you ran off stage towards the boys.

–—–

@TaliaMar

@TaliaMar: Can’t believe this munchkin and I grew up together and now she’s preforming for headline! I might cry again… 🥹🥹🩷🩷

comments:

@Y/n.Y/l/n: please don’t cry again, I have no more tissues and your gonna make me cry too 🥹🥹😂

–@TaliaMar: we need more tissues!!

@y/nfan: can’t believe these two have come so far!

And more…

–—–

@Tobjizle

@Tobjizle: I am so proud of my best friend, love you Y/n/n!!

@Y/n.Y/l/n: 🩵🩵

–@Tobjizle: 🩵🩵

And more…

–—–

@ksi

@ksi: Feel like a proud older brother 🖤

Comments:

Load more…

–—–

@zerkaa

@zerkaa: Favourite performer hands down! Love ya! 💚🖤

Comments:

@Y/n.Y/l/n: love you too🩵

And more…

–—–

AN: hi! Sorry it’s so rushed and such. I’ve been so busy which is no excuse. I’ve been given more exams in school, my parents are away so I’m over a family members and I’ve been busy helping them and that. Idk if you care but I’m doing ok. And I promise when I get the chance I will write out a full and proper imagine/story for you guys. Sorry about this as it probably is a bad story but I felt I needed to give you guys at least something. I may do a bit more snap story stuff to try and make up for it. Enough of the rambling, hope you guys are doing all ok! Make sure to eat and drink! Take care of yourselves and for the time being feel free to read my older posts 😂😂. Have a good day/night!! 🫶

[fr0gc4t]

a ramble/confession, and some non-dualism tips

if u seem to already consciously know that ur god AND also think in limiting beliefs, ur not alone. i do it too. it’s way more common than u think.

sometimes we understand a concept and think it’s true, but our egos don’t think in the way that would actually comply with that concept, and that stops us from fully shifting into belief and freeing ourselves from ego. “belief” and “knowing” aren’t always the same thing.

prime example: YOU knowing that ur “desires” r already urs, and then ur ego switching the process completely and being like “so where is it?”. we all know that happens to a lot of ppl in the loa/non-dualism community. the ego is tricky bc its nature is to try and intimidate us. then we slip back into ego-based thinking. happened to me, and is still happening atm. and also i wanna remind ppl that, like healing, awakening to ur true self is often not linear. and that’s totally ok as long as u don’t give up. i was pretty much almost fully realized but then i let my ego get to me again and since then i’ve been trying to get back into that state but just haven’t succeeded at changing my thoughts/improving my self-concept (adhd is making it very difficult).

look. ik it’s kinda weird to have someone post a ramble abt FALTERING at living non-dualism. most of the time, we talk abt the opposite to remind ourselves if our power. but i think it’s important to be open and vulnerable when ur struggling, especially when other ppl could learn from ur struggle.

like i said. not getting i right the first time is OK AND NORMAL. ik ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless” but LET’S BE REAL FOR A SEC: that’s not true for everyone, especially neurodivergent/mentally ill ppl, and ppl with intrusive thoughts (i’m all of those, btw), bc our egos r EXTRA spicy.

awakening to ur true self as the god of ur reality is healing, and healing is HARD. in this case, since whatever we are aware of is true, it doesn’t rly have to be, but when u have inner demons, MY GOODNESS IS THIS SHIT DIFFICULT (but still sooo worth it, i promise u).

so good for u if it’s not difficult. really, i’m happy for u. i just also want to bring to light my situation, which is: hearing ppl say “changing ur self-concept is effortless!!” just made it harder to change mine.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SAY ANYONE IS SAYING THESE THINGS MALICIOUSLY. I’M LITERALLY SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF U OMG. i just think that the non-dualism community should be a little more vulnerable, bc FAILING IS NORMAL WHEN TRYING TO CHANGE UR MINDSET, ESPECIALLY FOR PPL LEARNING HOW TO MANAGE NEURODIVERGENCE, MENTALL ILLNESS, TRAUMA, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY ETC.

AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY!!!

i see ppl say things like “i don’t want any limiting beliefs near this page!!!” when limiting beliefs and learning to overcome them r a normal part of this process and should not be shunned, and should rather be met with compassion and understanding. AND SOME PPL DO MEET IT WITH THAT!!! but there r also many who don’t. i understand not wanting to hear ppl’s limiting beliefs in some situations, but not being open to hearing them at all just creates more stigma around being vulnerable abt faltering in this journey and needing some further encouragement or advice. positivity is only good until it becomes toxic positivity. (AGAIN, NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I’M TALKING ABT ALL OF US, INCLUDING ME)

my adhd makes it so hard to stick to a new habit long enough to get used to it. and as a result, i have faltered a bit. okay, maybe a little more than a bit. AND THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS NORMAL. THAT IS SOMETHING WE NEED TO TALK ABT MORE.

maybe these stuggles r an “illusion,” but that doesn’t mean we should pretend like we don’t have them. we don’t always have to put on a happy face and go onto tumblr and vaunt to try and fight the intrusive thoughts. if u know anything abt the psychology of intrusive thoughts, FIGHTING THEM DOES NO GOOD. we should accept them and let them be there, knowing that THEY CAN’T HURT US.

even then, they might stress us out. and that’s when we might need to vent. and venting is NOT a bad thing. sometimes it’s the only way i can cool off. but instead of venting into ppl’s inboxes, we should make our own posts, like this one, in constructive language (i suggest writing the angry/anxious stuff first in ur notes, then, when ur calm, rewriting it in a constructive sense and posting it on tumblr). we need more openness to sharing our struggles. mental health struggles r sooo real (even if our human minds r illusions), and we need to make the non-dualism/loa community a safe place to talk abt those struggles and see if anyone can relate, or maybe used to relate and has adivice.

being gentle and open to this conversation is just as important as affirming that we have what we desire. bc, well, if u have the struggle i have, or something similar, u know how difficult it is. hell, i even thought abt going back to loa and trying to get into the void instead of keeping on my non-dualism path bc i thought it would be easier(???) and now i realize that that doesn’t even make sense bc both of these things require improving ur self-concept, which is what i was trying to avoid.

THAT IS LITERALLY AN EXAMPLE OF THE THING I EXPLAINED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST (which was supposed to be the main topic… i rambled a lot. oops.). i knew that i had to change my self-concept no matter what, yet i thought that getting into the void wouldn’t require that. sometimes the thoughts just don’t add up. and it’s bc of the ego! i actually only became aware of that now actually.

THE EGO JUST WANTS TO CONFUSE U AND TAKE CONTROL OF U. i’m just still letting mine have power over me… but now that i’m aware of it, i can try again, this time with a different perspective.

faltering is normal. not being able to change ur thoughts the first time is normal. having this kind of weird cognitive dissonance is NORMAL. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO NOT GIVE UP, AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

you failed to change ur mindset and ended up spiraling? needing a break from trying to change it? i don’t blame u, this stuff is hard. it’s okay tho! what u need to do now (or when ur ready) is: FORGIVE URSELF AND TRY AGAIN. and don’t be afraid to start the conversation of “can anyone relate to this?” or whatever helps u.

we can do this. we can change our thoughts, even with any obstacles we may face, bc we are stronger than our egos. WE’RE GOD, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! we can do ANYTHING.

the first step is knowing that faltering is okay. next is realizing that our knowledge of who we are doesn’t always match our thoughts, and that that is the nature of our brains. the next step is forgiving ourselves and moving on.

hopefully this rant wasn’t too jumbled or confusing, i kinda just wrote it here without any planning lolz. i need to figure out a format.

and i hope some of u could relate to my struggle. be as open as u want in the replies. i will not judge. if u need to make ur own little rant, it’s fine by me.

also, sorry for being gone for a while. i don’t use tumblr very much anymore. i’m slowly falling away from all apps except pinterest, amazon and depop 😅 but dw, i won’t let myself fall too far. i luv tumblr and the non-dualism and loa community has changed my life and opened my mind in so many ways. even if i haven’t succeeded at getting all my desires quite yet, it’s okay. i will succeed. maybe not right away, but i will. and so will u. (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[kaiserkisser]

mutuals appreciation post <333

hello, everyone. this is my end of year mutuals appreciation post to thank each and every one of you here, who has put up with me enough to be friends with me. I simply can't put it into words how much I love yall and how much im grateful to all of you for being here, but I'll still try. I wish all of you a very very happy new year ❤

@delusina kaz, thank you. thank u sm for everything. you were my first mutual and i love you sm for that. almost all the friends i have right now, they're thanks to you. i still remember sending you cat pics every week in the beginning (im sorry i forgot to continue that 😭) and you and vi are the reason ✿❀ anon exists <3 ilysmm <333

@floraldresvi VIVI. ILYSM. ik ive already sent you a new year ask but still i can never express my appreciation for you enough <3 thank you sm vi for literally always being there for me, and i hope i can return the favor whenever you need :) i lovelovelove seeing you in my notifs :)) also baivi rules <333

@chosokisser mai my bbg my love /p again, ive already mesaaged you, but still, im so glad i have you in my life. if you need absolutely anything, if you just wanna talk to smn, or anything, ill always be here. in fact, we can even commit arson together if you want :DD and remember that me and choso adore you to heaven and back <333

@haithamvoid again, thank you sm for being friends with me. <33 im literally so glad for the day i opened tumblr to find mai forcing us to socialize XD we seem to have a bunch of shared interests and i remember the times we sent each other a bunch of kaiser (and gojo??) pics ehehe (also if you play genshin then on which server-)

@damyoujackson uhm thank u sm for being my irl bestie. I mean it. honestly i dont think ive actually had a friend i clicked with as much as i did with you in a long time. ik its probably not easy putting up with someone weird like me so erm tysm.. in all seriousness im really glad we're friends <33 ( we do NOT talk abt this in school OKAY.) (<- me being awkward)

@noomon you are an absolutely amazing, warm and pleasant person to be around! (And i love your aesthetic too omg) anyways you're very caring and nice and i always perk up whenever i see you in my notifs or inbox <33

@mikacynth mikaaa its been agesss i hope you're doing alright and uni is treating you well </3 again, one of my first mutuals that i interacted with bc you were a 'mutual in law' of mine hehe :) you're also an awesome and fun person to be around, so remember that me and kaeya love u <333

@yinyinggie yingg! You're such a big blog, so thank you sm for interacting with me! you're totally wonderful, and im so glad i got to participate in the ebg hosted by you hehe that was SO much fun <333(and it hurt my heart too but nvm-) anyways ilysmm <33

@alexisomnias aaah alexisss we dont interact much these days but still, i love you so so much, you are someone i always love seeing on my dash or in my notifs <3 and i adore alekav too its so cutee <333

@kitorin omg yes soutaa you're another person who shows up on my dash often and i love that you do <3 i hope you dont mind all the times ive tagged you in smth ahshshdhb i also always smile whenever i see u in my notifs so thank u smm for being moots with me <33

also to @ilyuu @m1shapanda @supernova25 @chooodles @camvrin @meidnightrain we havent interacted much this year, but ive loved seeing you guys often on my dash so i hope we interact more this next year <333 please dont mind me tagging you dhshsh

Happy New Year to all of you!!!! I hope you all have all the joys of the world and that all your wishes get fulfilled, because you guys totally deserve it 💕

I found a little something too here that i wanted to share with all of you since i thought you guys might like it <333

[m1ckeyb3rry]

HIII!! this is kokomicentral ur #1 sith fan!! 🙇🏽‍♀️💗 i’m sorry this is gonna be long. part of me wants to cuss you out and the other part of me should have expected this. my jaw dropped after reading friedrich...I AM HEARTBROKEN. it's bittersweet they confessed, but it also feels. i don’t want to say deceitful?? just sad for friedrich’s end knowing he was a rebound. not that i don't believe y/n has feelings for him, she definitely loves him sm ik she was just hurt. friedrich promised to stay in the program FOR HER and died protecting her it’s sooo ☹️ he makes my heart ache

our star of the show, colt my baby YOU SURVIVED I'M SO HAPPY YOU GAVE HIM A HAPPY ENDING!!! it hurts seeming them fall out, would it have been different if friedrich was still alive? :(( i love open endings and i'd like to think colt and y/n communicated their feelings in a healthy way/pace without the fear of death looming on them but realistically... i think they’d sadly stay as friends with mutual respect and love for each other 😭😭 right person wrong time strikes again kdjjs

and our devil in disguise y/n. she is the epitome of deserving more. she is resilient and ridiculously strong in all aspects. i never thought of myself as her when reading, i am farrrr from the person you’ve crafted her to be (maybe that’s good in some areas more than others KNDKA). i've always thought of her as her own person 🥹 just seeing the full circle from wanting to run away with the amatas to living with them in the end... my heart is warm. AND THE POMEGRANATES! THE FUCKING POMEGRANATES! OH YOU'RE SO INSANE. SHE REALLY DID COME BACK :(((

since this is not fully written out i am going to choose peace and tell myself this is not canon 😊 thank u x18472 for posting this, this brings 2021 me closure. love this LOVE YOU. to leave this on a happy note, here’s some fun angst songs i like to associate with our fav boys!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

colt - little talks/of monsters and men

friedrich - footnote/conan gray

hadrian - the great war/taylor swift

HIII ALDJSJDHSB OMG I’M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT!! brooo friedrich’s ending is so sad like i hope he had death flags the entire time but even still it’s so 😔 to think that he thought he’d live the longest and literally hated the thought but in the end he’s the only one who dies young

YESSS COLT MADE IT 🤩 agreed i think that they would definitely be friends again!! maybe not as close as they once were but they wouldn’t forget how much they loved one another either yk?? right person wrong universe ngl idk if those two ever could’ve ended up together as they were but in a better and more peaceful world they might’ve 🥹

SITH Y/N MY BELOVEDDD to be frank i agree i feel like the more i wrote her the more she began to feel like her own person and a very bossy one at that 😭 she’s the kind of character that WILL drag the entire plot down if you write her ooc so she’s always given me a bit of trouble but she always does end up carrying the story when i need her too!! going through her thought processes and mentality as she grows up in her conditions was probably one of my favorite parts of writing sith 🥹 she really does deserve more but all told i think she’s as happy as she can possibly be!! she even gets to eat pomegranates and live in athyae again it really is full circle with her

AHAHA i’m glad it could bring you some closure fr!! and thank you so much for reading, i said it before but it really did mean so much to me to get your comments back in the day 🙂‍↕️💖 and AHH LITTLE TALKS I LOVE THAT SONG!! truly is very sith coded…same with the great war…taste fr 🫡 ANYWAYSSS love you more and more!! thank you once more and i hope you’ll stop by every now and again and tell me how you’re doing 🫶🏻

[johnslittlespoon]

I love your bucky is dog fic so much!!! I reread it all the time it's so heart-warming and funny and just ahhh so good!! refreshing ao3 patiently and excitingly waiting for more<33

(a BIG mix of non–brainrot asks so i don't spam the timeline <33 some of these are from so long ago i'm so sorry. also lil disclaimer at the end about some specific asks i've been getting recently and why i won't be answering them! x)

1) !!?? you REREAD IT?? my heart wtf that's so sweet??? 😭💗 THANK U SM i will do my best to not let u down with future chapters even if shit gets a little bit angstier SDJKG <33

2) LMAO backseat gala–ing from the comfort of a couch 😭 judging the outfits as if they don't show up in plain tuxes half the time <3

3) <3333 thank u omg sjgkdk i'm so happy if my lack of stfu ability brings any bit of joy to anyone LOL

4) ILY THX LEGEND @air-exec u enable me too much <33

5) ALWAYS HAPPY TO INDULGE!! thank u for indulging my constantly rotting brain ur so kind 😭 <333

6) yaurrr i think it's just bc i do Not enjoy being around children LMAO i can't ever get into pregnancy/family dynamic type fics in general, i wish i could tho bc they're so wholesome :') but YEAH exactly ugh. it's like. the action of talking about it, especially when it's unattainable, is so intimate bc it's like an "i love you this much" thing. but it's also so hot bc the possession of it (and possible feminization depending on the pairing) sighhh

also i feel that sooo hard, sometimes you just gotta go where ur writing heart takes u yk? it's hard to write something if ur not fully invested :') and omg stop i WILL cry. 😭💗 wtf. thank YOU!! ofc i would read!! some ideas just /hit/ and urs is one of them <33 but also yes omg it's UP there (if not at the top) on my list of pwps i wanna write once i finish yad(iym) <33 thank you for sharing urs too and sending u good writing vibes regardless of what u write!!

7) GAHH this ones been on my ao3 read later since u sent this ask in!!! i literally have started a doc with links to moots fics i need to read/general fics i've stumbled across that look good and this one is for sure going in it. i do love reading sooo much, i just have the hell combo of adhd and dyslexia but i did start concerta a couple weeks ago which has def made it a bit easier to read lmfao thank fuck.

i think i just get in this headspace where i'm either a reader or a writer when i'm working on smth, idk if anyone else does this? i have a hard time slipping btwn both mindsets, i'm usually locked in on one at a time LOL but i need to get my shit together bc fuck everyone in this fandom writes so damn good and i want to leave long essays on all the fics and hype people up <33 i think once i finish the dog fic i'll take a few days to just consume my reading list to celebrate SJDGK

also omg i can't believe this ask is from before i even posted it that's crazyyy MY BAD. thank u and also that made me giggle JSKDG if that's my legacy in this fandom i'm honestly so happy ab that okay dog coded bucky is everything to me and i will do whatever i can to do him justice <333 and thank u again for the rec!

8) [ X ] UGHHH stop mammal RUINED me. he's soososoo pretty i want to die i think about that barry era as curt in the motaverse so often it makes me sick. i love pretty twinks!! xx (i have a whole motaverse au curtbucky where curt looks like 2012–ish barry and he's ken's age and they're cute lil mechanics together and it's so stupidly elaborate and niche and maybe i'll do smth w it one day who knows)

9) this is very sweet and i do appreciate you respecting my boundaries! thank you <3 i think a lot of people get annoyed at adults asking minors not to interact with nsfw posts on here bc the argument is always "they're gonna look even if you ask them not to" which, yeah, true! i was a teenager growing up online, i sure as hell did not let 18+ warnings stop me ever lmfaoo. i'm not telling minors to stay off my account because ik if people wanna find specific content, they're gonna find it. if teens are learning ab gay sex thru my blog, then at least they're learning ab it from a gay man who tries to keep things realistic in fic and who isn't a creep LOL.

that being said, i more so bar off minors interacting with my nsfw posts/writing bc i personally just feel uncomfortable discussing stuff like that with anyone who isn't an adult, and sometimes i don't have the time to check bios for ages (or sometimes bios don't have ages) before i reply to comments or whatever, so it's just easier to ask that y'all stick to the sfw so i don't accidentally brainrot some cooked shit with a child JSDJKG bc i would feel icky. i hope you understand <3

10) IT MAKES ME SICKKK. not only that, but when i was rewatching it with my irl last week, i realized that in e5 when bucky's smoking in the plane after gale goes down, he's sitting in the right (gale's) seat, which i'm pretty sure he doesn't do at any other time :((( like he was trying to be close to him in anyway he could </3

11) omg i've been meaning to watch that just to get a better inside look at stuff for world building purposes lmaooo but that sounds so wholesome :( i read that a lot of the guys would get real sad/touchy around holidays (obviously), so i could see a oneshot where one of them takes it upon themselves to try and cheer everyone up the best they can under their circumstances. a little found family holiday </33

12) thank u for the rec!! i'm suuuch a slow reader, i'm still working my way thru the actual mota book LOL but i've added this to my reading list <3 i think i might've actually read a couple excerpts from that one in doing research for my fic and it looks really interesting (and heartbreaking) so i'm sure i'll pick up a copy eventually :^)

13) oh 100% agree!! as someone who already isn't super interested in fashion/pop–culture, i find it very hard to look at the men's outfits and be blown away by any of them LOL but the women?? insane. was losing it over lana and zendaya's fits tonight ngl. hunter had me in a chokehold with last year's <3 tangent alright i always say this to my friends but i'm just jealous in general that women have so many more options in terms of clothes like.

okay listen i know i can leave my house in a skirt or crop top or whatever and a lot more guys are def starting to feel comfortable doing so. but i also enjoy not worrying about getting jumped or looked at funny! it's a lot safer than it used to be to do so, even in my small ass conservative town i'll sometimes put on some dangly earrings or a bit of rodrick–liner SJKDG but that doesn't mean it's normalized yet or whatever. point being that i wish it was because men's outfits would be sm more exciting at these fashion events if they had a wider range of options too!

but that aside, absolutely. until that changes, really it's not that hard for the men who are going with women (who don't want to go crazy with their outfits/who are more lowkey like you said) to just. wear something nice and on theme that compliments their partner's outfit and they'll be FINE. anything is better than something boring with no effort; effort doesn't have to equal crazy and fancy and elaborate. like austin's 2022 look has always been a standout to me because it was still a really nice look (even if it was simple) and it also worked so well because of who he had at his side. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i also literally don't know shit ab fashion so i rly shouldn't be speaking on it LOL. i just know some things make me go oh no and some make me go YUM

and that's probs the last i'll post about the met bc i rly don't care thaaaat much, i was just happy to see barry since he wasn't at the panel this weekend <3

OKAY THAT WAS SO MUCH I'M SORRY. i just felt really bad bc some of those have been sitting in my inbox for months bc i was waiting to compile them all into a post like this :-) but also one last thing, idk if it's bc of me stepping out of mota to talk ab the emmy stuff/the met this week, but i've had a couple gossip/drama(?) asks and i just wanna say rn that i won't be posting stuff like that, even though they've been worded kindly! one, because i rly only post about fic/brainrot/mota–fandom related stuff here (aside from rare exceptions like today lol). and two, because as much as i adore our boys and try to keep up with the things they're up to, i personally don't vibe with speculating about them (esp if it's in a way that kinda. forgets they are grown men who probably don't think twice ab some of the stuff that people think they do lolol). i have no issue with people who do like to talk ab that stuff, i follow update blogs and think it's totally fine as long as it's done respectfully! i just don't feel like talking about gossip fits the vibe here and frankly i don't care enough about what goes on behind the scenes half the time; i'm just here to create and support and be insane. <33 that's all, just wanted to say that so ppl aren't waiting to have those asks answered/aren't sending more in! x

[kiraversee]

Hi! In your magical girl svsss AU, how are the magical girls chosen?? Is it like a birth thing, or does it happen at some point when they are already a certain age?

Because if it is the second, I want to imagine a scene where SY is hanging out with some demon friends and suddenly he is chosen to become a magical girl (be it through a cute creature telling him or just sudden transformation) and both he and his demon friends start to panic because what????

I also want to know if, in the case SY becomes a magical girl (which I just realized could or could not happen), he could try to join a CQM to change the image people have of demons from the inside!

Sorry for the long ask, I just saw your post and got really excited about it!! ✨️🎍✨️

YOU LITERALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW EXCITED I WAS FOR THIS ASK!! LIKE I WAS SO EXCITED(and shy) THAT I COULDN'T READ IT! I HAD TO HAVE MY FRIEND READ IT FIRST THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID!! I AM SO GLAD YOU WERE INTERESTED IN MY LITTLE AU! AHHH I'M SMILING!! also to answer your question, it is from birth and being chosen! Let me explain with a little storytelling:D.

(ps theres a short version of this story under the cut since ik some people like to get to the point:D)

The first ever magical girls were lovely people who fought demons and saved the world countless of times, even though they had to fight demons multiple times even almost risking their lives! They still had time to be in love~ as they grow older they married their now spouse's in a grand ceremony.

In the far future the angel helper that was sent to help the magical girls warned that if a magical girl decided to retire and have children, the power they have now will be distributed upon the magical girls children, leaving the magical girls without magic anymore (ofc if they decide to have children). As the children of the magical girls grow up, they also fall in love and the cycle continues for as long as that magic last. Once many generations have been passed, the magical girls power will be so faint that you will not even be able to do any simple magic spells

If a magical girl does not wish to have children, they will not grow old like the normal humans because the magical girls power is from the heaven's itself, as long as they have their powers they will grow old and slowly die of old age without any health problems.

There was less and less magical girls in the world. The heaven's thought it was a problem because the demons, without strong enough magical girls were reeking havoc again! The heaven's held a meeting and decided to send down angel helpers once in a while to give powers to the most qualified humans the magical girl powers.

Boom done storytime! (Heres a shorter version so u don't have to read all that) So if the magical girls has children, they will inherit the power and the cycle of childbirth continues until the magical girl power eventually just goes poof bc theres so little of it! If a magical girl doesn't want to have children they will grow old and die slowly bc.. powers!!! Once in a while the heaven's will like send an angel helper to give humans magical girl powers.

Actually i do wanna touch on the magical girls power giving thing bc its actually really interesting to me off course!

The heaven's sends out tiny angel helpers to give humans magical girl powers by giving them accessories that pierce into your body, (like an earring) energy will start to invade your immune system and slowly merge with your cells while slowly changing them to be different from a human cells! So technically if you want to like donate blood you can't anymore bc your blood ain't no type A or B anymore, its Type SMG or what it stands for, SPARKLY. MAGICAL. GURL.

Also (i say also a lot) your shen yuan idea is amazing! Like omg! Like that would be so cool if one day its just like

SY: *hanging out with demons then a very sparkly light falls from the sky*

Demons: "what the f-"

Angel: "WAHHHH THAT FALL HURT! I SHOULD'VE USED MY WINGS 😭"

demon's and SY: *extremely confused????One demon sneaks up and hits it with a pan, Rapunzel style!*

(I'm not very good with skits so if any of y'all have a better skit ideas, share em! I would love to read em!)

Boom that short skit of how i imagine that scenario would go! I've decided to give SY clingy angel helper bc rivalry with binghe why not.

Oh yeah to answer your question, I could definitely see SY joining CQM bc he wants his demon friends to live freely in the human world!

Also i very very veryyyy much appreciate your ask! It was also very fun to read how much you enjoy my au!! I'm terribly sorry if there is any grammar mistakes😅 or if my explanations are very confusing! English is not my first language... (its my 3rd language)