#also ignore this lol

[haryuusart]

(rant, you can ignore)

I believe I'll never be truly part of a fandom in the way I've always wanted

It's a piece I've been missing since little me had access to internet: to be part of something. Which is absolutely silly and not that important, I know, but- y'know, most people, in the back of their mind, always hope that something apparently unrealistic will happen in some way, I think

So I've tried countless times to fit into fandoms of things I love but it just- never sticks (in the way I wish it would, that is). It's like goldilocks, too much, too little, but never just right

I write and a few people like it- but maybe it's too poetic, too long, simply not enough to attract

I draw and a few people like it; but perhaps it's not aesthetic enough, too stiff, not creative enough, too boring

I try engaging with people, share ideas, try to make mutuals, with artists and non artists- but maybe I'm too much, too boring, people simply don't like me and... end up ignoring me

When the genuine naïve passion was still there, not corrupted yet, I would have created anything my mind imagined, with no boundaries dictated by social medias or people. I would not care. That was my purpose in life; to be an artist.

But then my mental health progressively decayed, unstoppable and violent. I would still have the spark to create, the desire to be an artist, but I didn't have the time nor the strength to. I was too tired and busy and undiagnosed and sad and.... Everything else.

Now I'm- I wouldn't say too old, I know there are no age restrictions, but I still feel like I'm running out of time. Not because someone else necessarily set a timer for me, saying that I have to be successful in this if I want to continue being part of fandoms- maybe I set my own timer and expected to be able to meet my (probably unreasonable) expectations.

I now have more time to draw and write and create, and sometimes I do. I just feel like I've already used so much of my creativity and inspiration and... love for art, that I've almost used it all. It's like the battery is almost dead but I don't even know if I want to recharge it. Would it be worth it?

Truth is, I think there's like a 0,2% probability that I'll get what I've always wanted, and that's fair I guess. You can't have everything, right? It's just.... sad. I know 16yo me really hoped I would make it. I know 18yo me had less hopes, but still dreamt of making it somehow, by some miracle. I know 21yo had absolutely lost any hope left and swore she'd never come back and try, and I get her. I know 24yo me, when she tried creating again, felt that exhilarating spark for a moment and clinged to it for dear life.

I don't know what 26yo me feels. The spark is somewhere in the back of my mind, pushing me to try again, to not let go of this. But I don't know. I don't know if that's enough.

[hoshizoralone]

reflection

[gingermintpepper]

I think, perhaps one of the funniest things to come from EPIC popularising the Odyssey is that now a ton of people think Poseidon wanted to kill Odysseus.

In the Odyssey, Poseidon has no intention of killing Odysseus. In fact, part of the whole reason Zeus lets Poseidon do whatever he wants even though he thinks Odysseus is rad and should get to kiss his wife is explicitly because Poseidon had no intentions of killing Odysseus. Poseidon wanted to pay back the suffering/inconvenience blinding Polyphemus would have caused. It's a really abstract thing tbh. How do you pay back someone permanently disabling your son? Poseidon's solution was just to amputate Odysseus from his other half; i.e. Penelope. The end game was never murder, it was always an endurance race.

(Od. Book 1: Zeus reassuring Athena that he is not, in fact, a part of Odysseus Hater-Nation. Trans. Robert Fagles)

Also, for those wondering if there's any sort of in text reason for why Poseidon wasn't around in God Games - at the time in the Odyssey when Athena petitions Zeus to let Odysseus leave Calypso's island, Poseidon was -checks notes- on vacation in Ethiopia. Yep. He left to Ethiopia for a festival and thusly was very much absent for Athena's whole "please let Ody go? Please? 🥺" request.

(Od. Book 1: While Odysseus was suffering, Poseidon went to party in the east)

I am begging y'all to read the Odyssey. It's a comedy for everyone except Odysseus and Penelope who are, in fact, suffering 24/7 365.

[squidwithelbows]

Screenshot of the exact moment i knew i was going to be obsessed with jeremy knox

[knowmypower]

please understand my vision of meta knight and bayonetta (brawl and wiiu champs) being doubles partners now

original

[colourmornings]

Quick note on Charles's speech for fic writers or anyone interested, really.

Charles uses tag questions, where he ends a sentence with a question, doesn't he? I see a lot of "innit" thrown at the end of sentences, which is right, sometimes.

There is unfortunately grammar. First off, if the main verb is negative, the tag will be positive, and vice versa.

When the main verbs in the sentence is a form of "be" or a modal verb (must, could, would, have, will, can, do etc), he's going to repeat that same form at the end of the sentence. An exception to this is a positive main verb of "I am" in which case the tag will be "aren't I?"

"[You're] Not going back to hell, are you?"

"I wouldn't wanna be dead with anyone else, would I?"

"No, we're not going anywhere, are we?"

"Well, I can't see where you're pointing to, can I?"

"We don't want a repeat of the infamous puppy debacle of '94, do we?"

He uses "innit" a lot less than people think, I think. It took me a while to find examples of him saying this, I ended up having to search a transcript. It follows the same rules as above, except the subject is always a thing, or the pronoun "it," and the main sentence is positive, so that the tag can be the negative "innit" (isn't it). *Edit* "innit" is not used as a question! It's mainly used to reinforce a talking point! (Thank you @elizabear). While the other tags are like rhetorical questions, this one is flat tonally and can end with a period, too.

"Boxing's a gentleman's sport, innit?"

"Magical void, innit?"

"That's the injustice we fight, innit?"

When the verb is not one of those above" he uses a form of "do."

"Well, that sounds a lot like you, doesn't it?"

"Wanna keep things professional, don't I?"

Charles also ends a lot of sentences with just the word "yeah."

"Psychic thing makes case work go a lot faster, yeah?"

I am usamerican, but I have a masters in Linguistics. People who actually use tag questions, though, please add on or correct me!

[bookalicent]

yeah so this was insane

[haunted-xander]

I made this AAAAGES ago and forgot to post it and now I'm annoyed by how it's rotting away on my phone so here. Bratty teen Thancred being a menace to Fourchenault (and a bad influence on Urianger lol)

[ahhrenata]

Steve tries to stay quiet while he gets ready for work, but Eddie hears him. He keeps his eyes closed and just listens- to Steve grumbling to himself when his hair doesn’t sit quite right, who starts to hum and whisper some catchy song. Eddie turns his sleepy gaze onto Steve as he shuffles around their room- watching quietly as he slips on his clothes, his shoes, a simple chain with Eddie’s ring around his neck. A warm, affectionate smile breaks across his face. Before he leaves, Steve glances at what he expects to be a sleeping Eddie, but instead, he’s met with a rasped, ‘Hey.’ Eddie sits himself up, stretches his arm across Steve’s side of the bed, and reaches, fingers wiggling. Steve crosses the room to cradle his face.

Their foreheads press, noses bump, and Steve brushes his fingers across scars and dimples.

He breathes a quiet,

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.’

Eddie huffs a tired laugh,

‘You know I never mind.’

Because, yeah.

Every morning Steve tries to stay quiet while he gets ready for work, but Eddie always hears him.

( another one from the poll | WIP )

[woof-squiggles]

nitten adoption day!

(psst, you can fill out an adoption form here)

[mitwodlemi]

(Spoilers for seasons 1-2 of TMA) HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!

I got hyperfixated on The Magnus Archives back in November and now I can finally post some fanart for it! Here's my season 1 and 2 dump. I have much more stuff for the later seasons, which I will be posting soon hopefully.

Enjoy my drawings of the Eye's special little boy!!!!!

[ravenlikesbooks]

I think the thing I love about Mutiny is that sure, Eurylochus is angry. Absolutely furious. The way he spits out "captain" gives me chills.

But that's really not the point.

He says "tell me you did not know that would happen, tell me you didn't know how that would end" and "use your wits to try and say I'm crazy and mad, that this is all some trick the gods have sent." And those absolutely sound sarcastic and mad. But they aren't, not fully.

Eurylochus is well and truly begging, for the first and only time. Please, captain, tell me what I know isn't true. Lie to me, try to gaslight me into thinking you made some horrible mistake. Use your gift of persuasion to make me believe, just for a second, that I'm wrong. Don't say the words I know are true, that I know you'll say. Tell me you didn't miss home so painfully bad, that you gave up the lives of six of our friends.

Say something, please.

And Odysseus says "I can't"

[bunnygirllover45]

— FLESH DIVINE.

♱ TRIGGER WARNINGS: Johann purposely weakens reader's body on this one, manipulation, Johann and the reader have an established friendship, reader has a crush on Johann?, suggestive kiss at the end ig. word count: almost 2k.

Johann was always meticulous, almost maniacally so. Maybe that was why he never got along with other people—he always had a way of pushing people away with his complicated nature. Always controlling, observing, and criticizing, a guy like him was hard to deal with, and you knew that very well.

Even though you managed to get through almost five years of friendship —a very rocky one at that— it still amazed you how someone who could seem so utterly unapproachable stuck by your side. Have you needed a shoulder to cry? Johann was there. Need a hand with your work? Johann is an expert on this, somehow.  Need someone to remind you when to take your meds? Oh, he had the days marked down in his calendar already. No way he could forget such important details, he was a meticulous man after all, remember?

Not that you weren’t reliable either, during his first breakup you were there. The memory was still fresh in your mind as you recall how utterly bored he looked as he told you about that girl you thought was his soulmate. Couldn’t help but wonder if he truly cared about any of the relationships he had before, or even if he cared about the ones he has now, but you held back from asking at the time. Johann really cares about you, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t go and take such measures to ensure you’re doing alright, or checking up on you, right?—the little bug gnawing at the back of your mind didn’t think the same.

He cares about you, he really does, right? Even when you’re this weak and unable to do anything for yourself, he doesn’t think you’re an annoyance.

“You’re spacing out again.” Johann’s deep voice pushed those thoughts away in a split second, the man stared at you, leaning in to tap with one finger against your forehead in a playful gesture that was a little strange taking into account he looked as expressionless as always. “You’re thinkin’ too much, gonna fry your brain into jelly if you keep doin’ that.” A small smile rose on the corners of his lips, black eyes staring at you with a little glint on them you couldn’t quite decipher. “I like you better when you don’t think.” The words made you shiver a little, ‘I like you— ’ and the rest was a blur inside your head. A part of you wished he genuinely meant that in another way, he liked you truly, entirely, not just a small part of you. “What’s that even supposed to mean?” You laughed a little, forcing a smile.”Last time you told me you ‘liked me better when I was sick’ should I be worried?” 

Johann’s eyes scanned your face for a second before he went back to pay attention to the stove; he was boiling some water to make you tea, Johann always made you some when he came home, you didn’t know why, he wasn’t even a fan of tea, but the gesture was sweet enough to make you forget how utterly weird it was the fact he only made one cup.

“Worried ‘bout what? I just said I like you when you’re sick because you’re more obedient. That’s it.” He turned to grab some cups from the cupboard as he spoke. “You’re less prone to pull out some bullshit and get hurt.” 

Your face twisted a little into disappointment, oh, so he meant that. With a deep sigh, you tapped your fingers against the table, head resting against the heel of your hand. His words really weren’t laced with any malice, he spoke with his usual soft and calm tone, so you knew he wasn’t jabbing at you or even really blaming you for anything, but it still hurt a little. Noticing your expression Johann quickly approached, leaning over the counter to pat your head, his hand lingering on top as he scratched a little, like you would do with a dog. “Hey, sorry, was I too harsh? Y’know I don’t mean it for real.” “I know, I do. But it just feels bad… I’m always depending on you and I— I’m starting to feel that I’m just a burden, you know.” Johann lifted his hand, the sudden movement making you stare back at him. Eyes widen a little as you notice how his hand is still hovering on top of your head, it was like his brain stopped midway, his black eyes pierced through you. “You’re not a burden. Not for me.” Your head fell downwards as you managed to speak again, fingers fidgeting against the edges of your clothes, Johann’s stare was like a nail digging onto your skin, it felt so fucking unyielding you just wanted to pull back, to get away from his eyes. Why is he even staring at you so intensely? You didn’t say anything that bad.

“Yet I’m still calling you each time I can’t get out of bed in the morning. I really don’t fucking know why my body is like this, I-I’ve been healthy all my life, and then all of the sudden—”

His hand shooted to grab at the sides of your face and tilt it upwards to stare back at him, his fingers weren’t harsh on your skin but you could still feel the lingering threat of his nails about to dig, veins around his forearms bulging with barely restrained rage, yet his face remained so calm. “You’re thinkin’ too much again.” He continued. “Will you just let me take of you? I don’t care if I need to get up the bad at fucking three in the morning to help you go to the bathroom, I will.” 

Your hand reached to grab his, trying to peel it away from your face, but Johann’s doesn’t even budge. “You’re not my family to have me as your responsibility, I’m really thankful, trust me, I am. But you’re my friend, and it’s not your job to take care of me when you’re always busy with college and—.” “I’ll quit college for you then.” What the fuck. Your eyes widen at his words, but he doesn’t look any less cold than a few seconds ago. “W-What…?” “You’re worried I’m wasting my time? I might be. I’m wasting my time by being away when I could be here with you.” 

You should be happy, really, he’s telling you something so sickly sweet yet the way his eyes never waver away from yours, the way he holds your face like he’s about to break you and yet still remains so gentle, the way he’s speaking so carefree about something that important— yes, you really can’t be happy. “What are you talking about? I don’t want you to do that. Hell, you worked so hard for this career!” “I worked hard for this, for us. My career? It’s just a fucking side hobby at this point when I want to distract my head for a little while.”

You didn’t even notice when he walked around the kitchen counter, now he stood there before you, crouched down to meet your eyes. His thumbs caressed your cheeks with a tenderness you never imagined a guy like Johann could have, the feeling helping your already confused and dizzy head become even dizzier. “You know. For the only thing my studies have helped me is to know where to start.” 

“Start—what?” 

A dark chuckle escaped his lips, it was rare to hear him laugh and it was even weirder to see him with such a delighted smile, if you squinted you could even see a small blush forming on his cheeks. His fingers kept caressing your face as he kept your head still, unable to make any movements, forcing you to stare. “Oh, don’t play coy. You said it yourself, your body was never like this, right?” “Feeling sick all of the sudden, being unable to walk sometimes due to your debilitating state, damn, sometimes when I look at you I wonder if you can even breathe for yourself. I would love to help if that isn’t the case.” 

Cold sweat began to form on the palms of the hands you clutched so tightly against his wrists, nails digging past the bandages and reaching to his skin, Johann didn’t even react to the stinging sensation, too lost on the heady feeling of excitement coursing through his veins. Leaning forward he pressed his body against yours, caging you against the chair. “That was me. All me. I even made sure you didn’t do any kind of physical activity to be extra sure you wouldn’t be able to handle it by yourself.” Bile rose inside your throat, what kind of fucked up person could say such things with that gleeful glint in their eyes? Was this the same Johann you knew all your life? Something felt so wrong, something with him was off this time, the hints were there but you were too blind to see.“And eventually like a flower, you bloomed into something beautiful and mine. Scheiße.”Your hands fell helplessly by your sides, you couldn’t even speak anymore, words long gone together with all the thoughts inside your head, the confusion and fear took a toll on you, and your weakened state made you unable to struggle, even if you wished to do so, your brain screaming to fucking kick him and run away. “You look pale, baby. Is your blood sugar running low? Here, let me help you.” Peeling his body away from just a second but not giving you enough room to even stand up Johann reached for something on the counter, you could some kind of paper being ripped, probably with his teeth or the free hand he didn’t hold against your shoulder, and then he went back to look at you again. “Here, say ‘aah’.” 

As you didn’t even make the attempt to move Johann frowned slightly. “Y’know I don’t want to be forceful with you, sometimes I’m afraid you might break if I do too much. But you don’t leave any other options, do you?” 

Next thing you know, Johann’s lips are against yours, tongue sliding with ease against yours, you could even feel his tongue piercing scraping against the roof of your mouth, he lets out a low amused sound like he was approving the taste of your lips. Being suddenly snapped out of your daze your hands reach to clutch against his shirt, clinging onto dear life as he devours you with eagerness. The kiss is unusually sweet, and you notice the small wrapper of the sugar you use for the tea empty on top of the counter. You close your eyes, embarrassed at how utterly disgusted you felt, not because of the sensations or the fact he was kissing you, but at how much you enjoyed it.

Once the two of you separated, you let out a breathy sigh of relief, and Johann wipes away your lips with his thumb, then his with the back of his hand. “There, much better now, right?”

You were right, Johann was truly a meticulous person. 

[darticous]

just some wholesome workplace fun 😊🙌

[torchstelechos]

[Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations.]

[lucabyte]

Olive Branch

Wrong Move