#also if you're the one who leaves me those lovely and detailed comments

[neptuneiris]

Cruel Summer (05/10)

Ocean's Whisper

pairing: modern!aemond × fem!reader

summary: non-communication, misunderstandings and bad times happen at Crown's, which will make or break your situation with with a certain rich boy.

words: 11.7k

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hello! I hope everyone is well 🤗 i had a lot of fun writing this chapter, the writing was easy and i'm very happy with the result. I really loved this chapter and I hope you love it too.

and also, please comment, let me know your comments, and reblog for the story to be more recognized, please 🙏🏻thank you so much for reading and enjoy it!

warnings: language, angst, Floris.

After that kiss in the ocean, you haven't stopped thinking about Aemond Targaryen for a single moment.

The feeling and the more than detailed memories are still fresh in your mind. The way he held you, the way he looked at you and the way he kissed you, remembering every movement of his lips and his big hands on your waist, marking your skin underwater.

Even at work, in every move and every thing you do right there, you do it thinking of him and only him.

And before you go to sleep, you go back to the same thing, remembering the way you both were clinging to each other, in a slow, passionate kiss as you stare at the ceiling of your room with your headphones listening to music.

You can't help it, it's more than clear.

And the urgency along with the excitement of telling Alysanne everything from the beginning until now, grows more and more with each passing moment.

But it's been four days since that night and you haven't heard anything from him.

After the fireworks were over, both pulled apart from one and the other to return to the beach. And neither of you mentioned anything about what happened, you just went back to sitting by the fire to dry off, watching the ocean, the sky and nothing else.

Even though the two of you didn't talk much afterwards, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but you could feel how he was thinking about it just like you were.

And because you can't try to tell what he was probably feeling from his expression, you still didn't feel any kind of regret. Because you didn't feel regret at any point.

But now that the two of you haven't spoken again, you're slowly doubting that it was a good idea.

You even thought of texting him, just to know if he is okay, but if you had told Alysanne, you could already hear her scolding or advice as she likes to call it, telling you that if he hasn't talked to you, it's because he doesn't want to and you won't be the first one to look for him.

Honestly you are one of those girls who have the thought that girls can also take the first step without leaving it all to the men, but... sometimes.

And now is not one of those 'sometimes'.

Because you've done the math and... you mean... Aemond Targaryen and you? The richest guy in all of Crown's with you? A poor one?

Maybe it's your fault for getting your hopes up for a simple kiss, maybe at the time he didn't regret it but now that days have passed, he must already think about it and that's why he hasn't contacted you... because it was a mistake.

Who rich guy would want to be with you? And of all guys, precisely him?

It's basically a forbidden law among guys and girls your age that a rich guy and a poor girl can't be friends, but now a couple? It's even more scandalous and impossible.

Maybe what happened between him and you was due to the emotion of the moment. And although his relationship with Floris is neither reciprocal nor true, the reality is clear and you don't compete with her for all that she can offer Aemond.

Now you know that the relationships among Crown's are rarely not convenient but that's how they have to be. And you have nothing to offer or share with Aemond.

However... you have the small hope.

The hope that he will seek you out and tell you to meet him at the pier. The hope that he doesn't think it was a mistake. And the hope that there are no regrets.

But the days continue to pass, there is no signal from him and you keep your same routine as always, disappointed and foolishly watching your phone waiting for a text from him. But nothing.

And the kiss won't leave your mind.

"Hurry up, Blackwood. Table three and four."

Mr. Frey says to you from the cash register, watching you with a serious, annoyed look on his face, wishing you were some kind of super human so you could do everything he ask's at the same time.

You avoid rolling your eyes and giving him an ungraceful look, as you're annoyed enough to have to put up with it, but quickly grab your pad and pen to head over to the new customers.

One thing you like about your job is that it keeps your mind busy most of the day. Sometimes the hours go by fast and sometimes not so fast. But you prefer this to overthinking most of the time.

So the minutes tick by, you find yourself taking orders, when suddenly, voices and giggles that you know very well enter the restaurant and catch your attention.

You part your lips and look towards the doors, where you see Floris and Cassandra Baratheon with Cerelle and Tyshara Lannister. But that's not the worst part, the worst part is that Aemond enters behind Floris with an expressionless but almost bored look on his face.

'Great.'

You think instantly, feeling the bitterness but also the nerves completely invade you as well as the memories intensify more at that moment as you bite your inner cheek and only pray it's not your turn to ask them for the order.

But it's not in your favor, as Alysanne is busy writing down orders and immediately Mr. Frey's menacing gaze lands on you.

"Blackwood!"

'Fuck.'

You feel yourself become small in your place and nerves invade your whole body, feeling your hands and legs begin to tremble.

'Oh God'.

You think completely terrified, then steel yourself with a bit of courage, take a deep breath and head towards them with the best look possible and already mentalizing yourself not to stare at him too much.

And pretend that you don't care at all about what happened between the two of them just like he does.

The four girls let out a too outrageous laugh that intimidates you as you start to approach, seeing their impeccable and expensive outfits, besides those accessories that scream all in them money.

But Aemond stands out more.

And it bothers you how damn good he looks with those sunglasses now on his forehead and his typical silver chain peeking out between the collar of his black t-shirt.

You start praying again and finally reach his table.

"Welcome to the Lord of the Crossing, what can I get you?"

You feel his gaze instantly on you but you remain firmly in watching your pad and occasionally them, but you don't watch him.

"I'll have a burger without fries and an iced tea," Cassandra speaks and you quickly write it down, "I don't want to eat any seafood today," she tells her friends.

"For me it would be shrimp broth," Cerelle then says.

Then the others go on telling you and you continue to write it down, though you don't miss Aemond's gaze on you and also her's... Floris.

You watch her back for a second and see how she watches you attentively, with a small amused smile on her lips. But you look away when they continue to tell you what they want to eat.

"Are you going to order a burger too?" asks Cassandra to Floris.

"Ew, no," he says with a disgusted face, "Do you know how many calories that has?"

"And what are you going to order? Salmon toast?"

"Are you crazy? I'm not eating any of that, so gross."

She tells her still disgusted and you don't understand her attitude or her behavior at all. But she clearly has no manners and saying such a thing, where the whole restaurant can hear her, is disrespectful.

"I'll have a sushi, with seaweed and no tampico, please," she says and you write it down.

But you don't miss the way she said it either, so polite and sweet, which is rare. But you ignore her and then turn slightly to Aemond, who is the only one left to order, but you don't look directly at him, you just wait for him to order.

"Just a soda, please."

'May the sound of his voice not affect you.'

You instantly say to yourself as you write it down and are about to ask if that will be all, when Floris' delicate and tender voice speaks first.

"Aren't you going to eat anything, babe? Are you feeling well?" she says worriedly, placing her hand on his arm.

"I'm fine," he replies in a completely different tone of voice than hers.

You press your lips and watch them all with your best look.

"That would be all?"

They all confirm yes and you walk away from there as if they have a contagious disease, really hoping they won't stay long.

You give the new orders to the cooks and clear the unoccupied tables for the next customers. You try not to look in their direction, just keeping busy with your work.

Then Alysanne appears and you point your gaze towards her table, where the Baratheon's and Lannister's are, to which she makes an annoyed face that makes you chuckle under your breath, and then you both continue working.

Then you finish delivering some orders when you see out of the corner of your eye how Aemond get's up and heads for the bathroom, so you quickly turn your back on him and put more distance between you and him.

When you are called to deliver the ready orders.

You place almost everything on a tray and head towards the table, more confident because Aemond is not with them, although you know he may appear at any moment, so you try to be as quick as possible.

You give their dishes first to the Lannister's, then to Cassandra and finally to Floris, and then tell them that you will bring them their drinks right away.

And just when you come back with the drinks, Aemond also goes to the table almost at the same time as you, so once again, you try to be quick and repeat the same process, first to the Lannister's, then to the Baratheon's and finally to him.

But just as you place his soda in front of him, Floris speaks. Or rather shouts.

"Hey you," she says, annoyed, towards you, "What the hell is this?"

'Uh oh.'

The voice in your head tells you and you watch as she shows you her sushi rolls.

"I told you I wanted sushi without seaweed and look what you brought me."

You frown and despite your nerves, which are on edge, you defend yourself with the nicest tone possible even though you would also like to talk to her the same way she is talking to you.

"Excuse me, but you specifically asked for it with seaweed," you say, remembering.

"Are you deaf? Or are your ears dirty or something? I'm telling you that I asked for it without seaweed."

"Floris," Aemond says next to her, looking at her seriously.

"What?" she says defensively, "It's not my fault she doesn't know how to do her job well."

"I can bring you where I write down the orders to show you where it says you ordered the sushi with seaweed," you suggest.

But the nerves and humiliation is great as everyone at the table is watching you, especially him and some customers from other tables around.

"Well, clearly you wrote wrong so take this away, will you? And bring me my order just like I asked you to," she says looking at you completely annoyed and folding her arms.

"Is there a problem here?"

'Oh, oh, again.'

Mr. Frey appears and you feel like you're going to die. Just as you can already anticipate all the stress and exhaustion you'll have to go through to make up for this.

But you're absolutely sure she ordered that seaweed sushi. You must have figured something like this would happen, though.

"Yes, your incompetent waitress here doesn't know how to write down the orders as we asked."

"But you ordered the sushi with seaweed," you explain, clearly offended by her words.

"Y/N," Mr. Frey's serious, restrained voice and his hand on your shoulder makes you tense up, "Go and bring her her food just as she asked. Now."

Resigned, you are left only to obey and completely embarrassed, you make your way towards her, stepping past Aemond to take the plate.

And once you have it in your hands, just as you take the first step, you clearly see how Floris slyly sticks her foot in you and as if this couldn't get any worse, you fall and the food lands on Cassandra and Cerelle's clothes.

"Oh my God!"

"Oh you idiot, look what you've done!" cries Cerelle in horror, jumping to her feet.

"Can't you do anything right!?"

Worried, embarrassed and nervous you quickly stand up, apologizing, but Mr. Frey immediately comes to your side with restrained fury.

"I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose," you try to defend yourself, "She stuck her foot in me!" you point at Floris.

"Stop embarrassing me and get the hell out of here, Y/N."

You look at him completely shocked, not expecting to hear those words, starting to feel the urge to cry.

"Yes, get out, that I didn't do anything to you," Floris corroborates, "That's how you treat customers here? Without serving them properly and accusing them with lies?"

"Will you stop?" you hear Aemond's voice also with restrained fury.

With your lips trembling, feeling all eyes on you, you hold back the urge to cry and quickly walk away from there, where on the way Alysanne stops you, annoyed and worried, but you tell her not to worry and head for your things, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

Once you leave the restaurant, the area and Crown's to finally enter Black Waves, you finally allow yourself to cry in freedom.

And when you get home, your uncle and aunt are there and are confused to see you come home so early, so you tell them about what happened.

Crying again from the rage, with all the anger and humiliation coursing through your veins as you tell them that none of what happened was your fault.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," your aunt embraces you in a warm hug as you let it all out, clinging to her, "Nothing that happened was your fault, sweetheart. Nothing."

And your Uncle Ben is looking upset and thoughtful, unable to believe everything he just heard.

"That fucking ungrateful Frey," he says annoyed, "All of them, rotting in money and having no values, treating the people who do everything for them like that," he points at you, "If I didn't have a job to lose, I'd smash the son of a bitch's face in this instant."

"Ben," your aunt gently reprimands him, still hugging you.

"Look how he's dropped our girl!"

He says incredulously, pointing his hand at you.

"Humiliating her in front of all those people and not giving her the benefit of the doubt to give the reason to all those fucking arrogant rich people who make your life impossible for not being like them."

You sniffle and turn away from your aunt, wiping away your tears and trying to calm yourself.

"It's okay," you say in a broken voice.

"No, it's not okay. Nothing they do in there is okay," your uncle insists.

"I'll just... look for another job," you say, "After all, I couldn't stand to be working at that place anymore. Maybe... this that happened was a good thing so I could find something else."

"No, honey. Having to go through that humiliation was not good," your aunt tells you in a soft tone, "That was very wrong of them and you didn't deserve that."

"Yes but already happened," you say without emotion, "It doesn't matter anymore."

Just then, the door opens and the three of you see Alysanne entering the house, worried.

"What are you doing here?" you ask her instantly confused.

"Did Mr. Frey do something to you too?" her mom asks her.

"No, I quit," she says simply, setting her backpack down.

"What? Why?" you ask her in surprise.

"Why?" she repeats incredulously, as if it wasn't obvious, "You still ask?"

"You didn't have to do that, Anne."

"Of course I did. It was only a matter of time," she says as she approaches you.

"But the money—

"Fuck the money. We'll find another job," she interrupts you then hugs you, "I'm so sorry."

You let out a long breath and hug her back.

"What did Mr. Frey tell you?"

"He was obviously upset," she tells you as she pulls away, "I told him what he did was wrong. That there are cameras and he can see what really happened. But he basically didn't give a shit to give the stupid of Floris the reason to make himself look good to his father."

Uncle Ben let's out a snort.

"Typical."

"Then I told him I was quitting and he kind of got worried, then he tried to convince me to convince you to come back so we could both keep working because we are the only ones who have endured him for so long, but I sent him to go fuck himself as well as him to you, demanded our final payment, he gave it to me with his murderous look on his face and I left."

A silence settles in the living room, then your aunt lets out a small breath.

"Well, at least you won't be working for that horrible man anymore."

"And don't worry," your uncle says, "Both will find another job."

Afterwards, you both go to your room and you take a nap, finally resting properly after so long with no more on your mind that the next day you have to go to the restaurant to work.

Despite what happened, you sleep peacefully and then wake up in the night, where you see Alysanne asleep next to you with her headphones on.

You let out a yawn and stretch, thinking you can go back to sleep, but you turn on your phone screen to check the time, when suddenly, you see Aemond's message notification, taking you by surprise.

You frown and read them from the notification, not wanting to go into the chat directly: "I'm so sorry about what happened.'

'Are you okay?'

'Can we meet?'

A bitter feeling runs through your body and you shake your head.

Of course he would eventually decide to text you out of pity, not really because he wanted to or because it was in his plans. And now you're the one who has no interest in hearing from him.

So you delete his notification messages, pretend he didn't send you anything and lock your screen, settling back to sleep.

"Fucking old man."

"If I'd been there I'd have broken his few remaining teeth."

"Besides, it's not like the food is good. That shrimp soup they make, it tastes like shit."

"And how do you know that?" asks Daniel to Chase confused.

"Cregan once came to his port with a bowl of those when I was working."

"We can cancel him on social media, you know? It's not a bad idea after all."

"Getting cancelled by a bunch of poor Black Waves people isn't a bad idea? Do you think we'll even have relevance against all of Crown's who also have more rich friends and connections all over the country and who knows how far beyond that?"

A brief silence settles in.

"Well, when you put it like that... yeah, it sounds bad. Very bad actually."

"Then I propose we set fire to his restaurant."

"Or we fill it all up with live octopus and crabs."

"Really?"

You look at your friends with an amused smile, and all three of them gesture innocently.

"What?"

"We want to defend your honor."

Sam says to you, draping one of his arms around your shoulders as you all walk together along the shore of the beach.

"You see, if you mess with a poor person, we poor people will attack you back. And Mr. Frey has been deserving it ever since the two of you started working for him."

"You're going to burn down his restaurant?" Alysanne inquires.

"What does it matter?" he shrugs, "That he doesn't have the money to make another one?"

You continue to listen to your friends' jokes, planning a plan worse and worse than the last on how to make Mr. Frey pay, all for the purpose of making you laugh.

For which you couldn't feel more grateful to them as you all spend an afternoon at Sunset's Pier.

Although they did get very upset when Alysanne told them everything that had happened, but the harsh reality is that a bunch of poor people can't do anything to a rich man from Crown's. So all that's left to do is settle for imaginary plans.

"Anyway, let's go surfing?" proposes Daniel.

"Yeah!"

"Hell yeah!"

You and Alysanne exchange a glance.

"Hum... we'll catch up with you later," she says, standing next to you.

"Why? Where are you going?" asks Chase in confusion.

"To find a job," you reply.

The search to find a new job has started exactly two days ago, so the only chance you both have and the best chance is here at the pier, but still nothing, though you're not giving up yet.

"Okay, good luck."

"Come back soon!" exclaims Daniel, trotting out to sea with his surfboard.

"And make sure it's not another dick boss!" exclaims Sam as well, following Daniel.

You watch the three of them with a small smile and walk away from the beach in the direction of the establishments, hoping to get lucky this day.

"Are you going to the party tonight?" asks Alysanne.

"Another one?"

"It's been almost two weeks since the last party here," she tells you incredulously and you let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, you're right."

"So?"

"Where?"

"Crown's, with Cregan."

"Oh no, no, absolutely not," you say quickly, shaking your head.

"Oh Y/N, come on!"

"Are you crazy? How do you think I'm going to stand at Crown's after what happened?" you stare at her incredulously, "Surely everyone already knows, as if it wasn't humiliating enough already."

"They'll all be drinking, having a good time and I highly doubt they'll be talking about or remembering at that point the poor girl who threw food on Cerelle and Cassandra."

"And the poor girl who supposedly took Floris' order wrong," you remind him annoyed.

"Come on!" she squeals, insistent, "You need it. We need to have some fun."

"They will all be there, what if they see me and again something bad happens?"

'Not to mention Aemond will probably be there too.'

Your mind reminds you and it's one more reason not to go after you've been ignoring his messages.

"Please, they're all always on the yachts. They never get off there and they won't see us."

"But they might," you suggest.

"They won't," she tells you with an absurd tone, "They think they're the queens of the city and that's their exclusive area, they won't," she repeats confidently.

"No, I really don't in the mood to go."

"Please, Y/N," she tells you desperately, "If you go with us, I'll wash all your clothes for a week," she proposes.

This inevitably gets your attention and you watch her really interested.

"All of it?"

"All of it," she affirms.

"Two weeks," you change the deal.

"One week," she repeats back to you with a frown.

"Two full weeks or no deal."

"Ugh, don't be like that," she reproaches you.

"Do you want me to go or not?"

"Two and a half weeks," she proposes.

You shake your head, with an amused smile and folding your arms.

"Two full weeks and I won't change my mind."

She rolls her eyes and you hold out your hand.

"Fine," she reluctantly shakes it.

"Fine," you smile victoriously.

That same day, instead of looking for a job, the two of you buy bikini sets for the night with Mr. Frey's final payment.

Alysanne wanted to buy more but you were responsible enough to stop her and yourself as well, since you can't spend all the money until you secure a new job.

Then you go surfing for a while with the boys, hours pass, you go home and in the evening, Cregan comes by both of you in his car, with the guys already in it.

And again, you find yourself walking into Crown's, where you start to reflect and think that this is probably a bad idea.

But everyone is so excited and deep down inside you, after the horrible days you've had, you also want to have fun, de-stress and not worry for a while.

And the funny comments from the guys, that they are spreading the excitement to you and that it feels like any other party, helps.

When you arrive at the party, they have not yet arrived, so you are instantly relieved, although the nervousness is still present. For despite Alysanne's words, your mind keeps going back to what happened at the restaurant, all fresh in your memory.

Fortunately, though, Sam, Chase, Daniel and Cregan decide to spend the party in a more secluded part of the beach, to protect you in case anything happens.

You appreciate that and soon enough the party begins.

It's quiet at first, just everyone talking and laughing with everyone, drinking, dancing, Sam and Daniel trying to distract you and keep your spirits up, telling bad jokes, while Chase talks to Cregan about surfing and the waves he hopes to catch tomorrow.

And of course, Cregan throws in jokes about the party and lets everyone know of more dramas that have been going on lately at Crown's with the rich families and how they came to his and his family's ears.

And of course, they all make jokes and throw curses towards Mr. Frey, not leaving him alone, while Alysanne and you laugh.

Also, Sam does a perfect imitation of the rich girls at Crown's, especially Floris and Cassandra Baratheon, who cry if they don't get what they want and always ask for things in a bad way, so shallow and arrogant.

"Don't you know who my father is?" threatens Sam pretending to be Floris Baratheon with indignation and superiority, placing a hand on his hip and watching everyone with a raised eyebrow.

You and Alysanne laugh, as do the guys, who continue to corroborate Sam's imitation for all they know of everyone's rich attitudes and phrases.

"Hey," your cousin gives you a slight elbow and points at you with her gaze, "I told you."

You follow her gaze and there they are, the Baratheon's and the Lannister's, who just as your cousin had told you, with bottles of wine and champagne, amid laughter and expensive outfits board their luxurious yachts.

Although this catches your attention, without being able to help it, you look for a specific person with silver hair, but there is not a single Targaryen accompanying them.

"We'll be fine," Alysanne tells you, beginning to truly relax.

You let out a long breath and take a long swig from your beer bottle, also definitely starting to relax.

There's no way they can recognize you from the great distance, though you still have to be alert because if one of them decides to come down, which you doubt very much, but it could still happen.

And even though your friends are still partying, you can't help but think of him... Aemond.

Where is he? Why isn't he here? Why didn't he come with Floris? Is he thinking about you too?'

You know you're the one who decided not to answer his messages and you know that's the right decision to make after what happened. But still... that fucking kiss keeps replaying in your mind.

But you also know it's not right. Him and you... together? Deciding to get involved like that?

It's a very bad and dangerous idea in which you could get yourself in serious trouble, and him too, after all. You with all of Crown's and him with his family and the Baratheon's.

So, although it hurts you, this is good, so that no one is harmed in any way. It's best not to see him anymore.

"Hey, smile."

Alysanne's voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you watch as she wants to take a selfie of everyone together, so pretty soon the guys pile up behind you, with Daniel's arm around you hugging you and on Alysanne's account, all smiling, then striking a better pose, then making a funny face.

"I got my eye closed."

" In which one?"

"On the second one."

Then you hear the huge laugh Chase lets out toward Sam.

"You look like the baby from Toy Story three."

The guys do their antics by dancing, playing games of who finishes drinking the bottle the fastest, telling stories, and following the pretty girls around with their eyes. Which makes it all the more enjoyable, except for the last part.

“Hey man,” Daniel says to Cregan, ”When are you going to take us to meet your yacht?”

Cregan looks at him amused.

“My yacht?”

“Yeah, I mean, I was waiting until we were confident enough to be able to tell you.”

“The more subtle one,” Alysanne says.

"We have reasons," Daniel defends himself.

"Yeah because the time you were going to take us on your parents' yacht, the damn yacht was suddenly invisible," Sam backs him up.

"Okay, first of all, that wasn't my fault," Cregan clarifies, "I didn't know my parents were gone on it for the weekend because they didn't tell me either."

"I was totally devastated."

"You stole my illusion, man."

"Okay, you want me to invite you guys?" asks Cregan genuinely curious and unconcerned.

“Dude,” Sam looks at him incredulously, “You've been listening to us talk for months about yachts, champagne bottles and partying,” he lists off with his fingers, ”And you ask us if we want you to invite us?”

“It's not like you've been more direct,” he justifies himself.

“If we've been talking about yachts, champagne bottles and partying,” Daniel repeats now, also listing, “What do we really mean when we have a rich guy in our group of friends?” he asks him, expectantly, crossing his arms.

Cregan is about to speak, hesitant, but Sam speaks first.

“Exactly,” he points to him with his index finger, ‘That our friend Cregan, who has a yacht and bottles of champagne, because no one else of us does,’ he says obviously, ”invited us to have a party, just us.”

“You know how convenient you sound, don't you?” you ask them, taking another sip from your bottle.

“No, it's okay,” Cregan says instantly, “All my life I've known people to be conventional. But you guys aren't.”

“So we'll go to your yacht?” asks Daniel excitedly.

“Yeah, sure,” he says nonchalantly, ”Anytime. Just let me know.”

“It's not like it's that cool, really,” Chase says, unconcerned.

“What did you say?” Cregan gives him the expectant look.

“I've seen it. And I think the Targaryen yacht is bigger.”

Your heart flips slightly at hearing the last name.

“It's bigger than all of those,” Cregan points out those now on the dock.

“Not so cool, still.”

“Oh, okay, all right. Then let's have the party on your yacht,” he tells him condescendingly, “Oh right, you don't have one.”

Everyone starts laughing, you included, as Chase shows him the middle finger.

“I was just kidding.”

“Yeah, me too baby.”

“Hey, come here.”

Sam's approaching voice makes you watch him and he takes you by the hand, wanting to dance with you, so soon everyone starts making fun, while you laugh and Sam tries to lead you to the beat of the music.

And you have a good time, laughing, having fun and drinking, trying to do Sam's impossible but funny dance steps, starting to feel the alcohol starting to take its effect on you.

And everything seems fine until a high-pitched, familiar laugh interrupts you and cuts the mood.

“Well, well, look who we have here.”

'You've got to be kidding me.'

You think, feeling your stomach turn, turning your body to see Floris straight ahead, standing there, accompanied by Cerelle and Tyshara, all with malevolent smiles on their faces, especially Floris. 

And you wonder; in what moment did she come down here? And in what moment did she recognize you?

Alysanne rises from the sand as Floris faces them both with a sharp gaze, sweeping over each one, especially you.

“What are you doing here?” she asks with disdain, “Pretending to be one of us? Really?” 

You feel Alysanne tense beside you, clearly ready to answer, or rather attack. But you hold her arm, trying to keep things from getting out of hand. But the venom in Floris' words grows.

“How funny to see you like this, when in reality you are poor people from Black Waves,” she says with disgust, “Though now I see how you manage to mix among us, bringing with you more people from your dumpster,” she says with disdain, watching with a serious look between Cregan and the guys.

Cregan lets out a long breath, really not wanting to deal with this now, but it seems he has no choice. So he speaks, his voice serious and firm, not caring at all about defending you.

“They are here because I invited them, Floris. And I don't care what you think, nor do the others. Just like I don't care if you don't like the idea, because then you can get the hell out,” he clarifies, “You're not the owner of the beach and you're not the owner of Crown's.”

“You're also no one to be disrespecting us,” Chase tells him, stepping in as well.

Floris looks at him with a raised eyebrow and an offended face.

“And who are you to talk to me like that, you poor shit? Do you even know who I am or who my father is?”

Sam lets out a chuckle, unable to help it, with an obvious look at you, but suddenly Alysanne jumps up, fury in her eyes.

“How dare you!?” she yells at him, with full intent in her posture, ”You think you can come in here and insult my friends!? You think I can't really break your face after what you did!?”

The tension mounts and you quickly stop her, along with Cregan, as Sam, Daniel and Chase step in.

“Look at her, always so wild, all you from Black Waves, wanting to beat people up,” Floris says, wanting to leave them as the bad guys.

“Y/N didn't do anything to you at the restaurant! It was you who accused her of bringing you the wrong order and who made her fall on purpose, humiliating her in front of everyone and you think you don't deserve to be taught a lesson!?”

“You better get the fuck out of your shitty side of town, will you!?”

Floris yells at her too.

“All of you and especially you!” she points at you, “How dare you come here after what happened? You should be ashamed of yourself, wanting to pretend you belong here.”

Cregan walks over to her.

“That was enough. Stop it and leave,” he tells her in his firm but not aggressive voice.

Floris ignores him completely, her eyes glued on Alysanne and you, as if they were an insect she can crush effortlessly.

“You're pathetic. You should get the hell out and not come back before you humiliate yourselves any further. You don't belong at Crown's and you know it. All you are is some ridiculous fucking poor people with miserable lives.”

Floris' words hit you with a force you had not expected. You feel the rage burn inside you, but also the pain of humiliation. You can't escape that feeling of inferiority, of being less and being seen as little, instead of what you are, a human being.

And now you react, turning to her, with restrained fury.

“What did you just say?”

“Hey, no, no,” Sam stops you.

“You think I'm going to let myself be humiliated by you again?”

Floris lets out a laugh.

“I'm humiliating you?” she points out, ”But you're humiliating yourself, coming here.”

“We're not pretending to be like you, Floris. Do you think I would like to be a fucking spoiled brat like you who likes to humiliate others to feel good about herself?” you tell her, furious, ”We would never do that. But you're a liar and cruel, and you know it.”

Floris raises an eyebrow, indifferent. 

“Oh, please. No one's listening to you, you poor thing.”

Cregan again interjects, turning to her.

“That's enough. We're not going to let you bother us anymore.”

Floris barely pays any attention to him. In her mind, these guys, nor you along with Alysanne, have any value. And she finds it an insult that you're here, at Crown's.

“How lovely. You defending all these,” she points at them with disgust, ”But really, Cregan? That's how you choose to spend your time, with Black Waves trash instead of us?”

“I already told you what you think doesn't matter to me.”

Again the tension begins to build, along with the expectation that everything will explode at any moment.

The guys hold Alysanne and you, but more so Alysanne, while Cregan tries to get Floris and all of them to leave and calm everything down, but in vain.

Floris keeps talking, Alysanne's blood boils and suddenly, your cousin throws a cup of beer at all of them, soaking them and insulting them, so everything effectively explodes.

Basically the guys try to stop all of them at the same time, trying to calm the matter down, drawing the attention of the other people on the beach, while Alysanne desperately tries to have Floris' head, deciding not to let her insults and humiliations pass once again.

“That's enough!”

“Calm down, girls!

“Hey, no!”

“Stop it, Floris!”

“Alysanne!”

“Girls!”

They're all in a circle, sticking with each other, trying to avoid hitting each other at all costs.

“Hey, dude! Could you calm down your crazy girlfriend here!?”

“Hey! Floris!”

Your breath catches.

And your heart starts pounding at the sound of that voice.

And just as you look to the other side, where they are, Aemond appears, running towards Floris, his face serious and his eyes fixed on her, with his brother Aegon behind him, fascinated and excited by all the drama and fighting, like many others at the party. 

“Hey!” Aemond holds her firmly, pulling her away from Alysanne, “What the hell is wrong with you?” he inquires serious and tired.

“Let go of me!”

“Doing this again? Have you gone crazy?”

Floris doesn't say anything to him, she just arranges her hair and gives you a murderous look, as well as Alysanne and then, you watch Aemond with your parted lips and he watches you too.

For a moment, everything else seems to fade away, where your mind remembers the kiss, his hands marking your skin, his breath hitching against you, the fireworks and his face close to you. 

But the memory and sensations are only for a second, as both you and he focus on stopping this. Which, you finally succeed.

The last thing you see is Floris being led by her friends towards the yacht, with Aemond and Aegon following, watching him going after her, his posture tense.

When Cregan lets out a bitter laugh, shaking his head.

“It's unbelievable. Her and all those fucking arrogant, thinking they own everything.”

It's obvious that neither he, Alysanne, the boys or you are in the mood to stay.

“Let's go,” Chase says, having no choice.

Alysanne nods, still furious. 

“It's not worth it.”

You press your lips together, still feeling the helplessness coursing through your body.

You watch again where Aemond is going, when suddenly, he turns his head without stopping walking and looks at you, giving you one last look. But you turn around, following your friends, leaving the party along with the lights and music behind.

And as you leave, the sound of the waves seems to envelop you, but the weight of what happened crushes you, reminding you once again that you will never belong in this world.

You know it might be a bad idea to come but... you couldn't help it.

After everything that has happened, more bad things than good, you needed it. Walking onto Crown's beaches, you always feel that change in the air and it feels like a different place. Which is understandable because of the clear difference between Crown's and Black Waves.

But... it's not exactly that. You feel space and time differently, like it's running slower.

And you feel like you're on a distant island because of all the feet of the ravines that surround this section, enveloping you, making the view even better and feeling the tranquility in a better way.

And looking out at the deep ocean, sitting at the end of the pier, rocking your feet gently in the salt water, you wish you could have a place just like it in Black Waves, so you wouldn't have to come here and risk more.

Although you know that if you change places, it won't feel like it's like being in this place.

There is a calmness and a unique essence here, something that only this place seems to have and that is irreplaceable, just as nothing else compares to it. And you know and feel that every time you come here.

So you just have to resign yourself, close your eyes, take a deep breath and try to forget everything that bothers you, repeating in your mind that what happened, already happened.

You can't change it and you can't be hurting yourself by overthinking it all the time.

You fill your lungs with the salty air that envelops you, let the ocean breeze caress you and let the waves crashing against the shore be the only thing that reaches your ears.

You try to think of all the good things that will come next, a stable job, money and the finish line getting shorter and shorter to finally be able to go to college and fight for your dreams, which is the most important thing for you.

So you let all that fill you up and let the place do its job, which is to fill you with peace and tranquility.

When then, the creaking of wood near you catches your attention, interrupting and completely disappearing the whole moment, to quickly turn your head, alert and scared, fearing that it is one of the guards or a member of the Targaryen family.

But strangely you didn't think it might be Aemond. For you see him in surprise, entering the pier, just as surprised to see you here, neither of you expecting that.

And you both somehow just stand there, paralyzed, not knowing what to say or what to do.

It's as if both of you at the same time have memories flooding into your minds, of absolutely everything, the kiss, the restaurant, the party and the looks.

But you're still paralyzed, having no idea how to react.

When you are the first to look away, you press your lips together and swallow hard, nervously, feeling somehow vulnerable and having no idea what to do, as you continue to feel his burning gaze on you.

Then you stand up, shake your feet and put on your sandals, not intending to stay here any longer.

And Aemond seeing that, takes a cautious step towards you, watching you attentively and almost too... hopeful.

"I didn't see you when I was coming."

He tells you in a soft voice, not wanting to scare you or push you away, as you keep your gaze down and hug yourself as you feel a strong breeze with icy wind wrap around you, bristling your skin.

"I didn't hear you coming either," you tell him, somehow staying even.

He watches you silently, looking like he wants to tell you something else, but he thinks his words very carefully before he speaks. You, though, feel the slight tension in the air as the two of you stand here, in each other's presence, not knowing what to do.

'Great, weird.'

You think with some irony and disappointment, taking this as a sign to leave, since it's for the best and because he, like you, needs his peace and quiet.

"But don't worry, I'll leave so you can be alone."

You say to then start walking, passing by one side of him but making sure to keep a huge distance, fully intending to leave, when that exactly makes Aemond react and quickly act.

"Wait," he gently but firmly stops you by the arm.

You feel a strong and unexpected electricity run through your body at the contact, tensing you up and Aemond releases you almost immediately upon sensing this, your body rigid and seeing the surprise in your gaze, really not wanting to pull you away.

And he pulls away from you a little, bringing a hand to the back of his neck, nervous and a little uncomfortable, having no idea how to behave nor finding the right words to speak.

"I-I..." he begins, "I texted you. Multiple times."

You let out a long breath, beginning to feel the nervousness completely envelop you. You have no idea what to say or how to evade the conversation, as he clearly waits for an explanation.

"Um... yeah, I know. I-I'm... sorry, I was busy."

He frowns and watches you more closely.

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Yeah, very sure," you try to sound convincing, acting nonchalant.

"Really?" he gently inquires you, having none of it.

And that starts to bother you, so you straighten your back completely and raise your gaze to him, almost looking tired, crossing your arms.

"What's your point?"

"That you didn't really want to talk to me," he answers you honestly, watching you intently and with a soft gaze.

"Look I-I... I don't know, I just... I thought it wouldn't be a good idea."

He frowns again.

"Why not?"

You shake your head, not wanting to have this conversation, because you know it won't get you anywhere.

"Forget it. I should go."

You try to walk, away from him, but he again stops you.

"Wait... please," he tells you insistently, "I just..." he lets out a long sigh, "I just wanted to apologize to you for what happened with Floris. She—

"It's okay," you interrupt him, shaking your head, downplaying it and not seeing the point about talking about it, "It... it doesn't matter anymore, Aemond. And I really should go."

Again you try to leave, to walk away, but he again stops you.

"You have somewhere else to be?"

"And what's that for?"

"I want to talk to you," he tells you bluntly, not wanting you to leave.

And you feel the bitterness run through your whole body, watching him in the same way.

"Now do you want to talk?" you inquire, unable to help yourself.

You had been holding it back too long, especially since he texted you, that it needed to be said and you see the slight surprise appear on his face, clearly not expecting to hear that from you.

And you look at him seriously, daring him to tell you something about it, but he remains silent, having no idea what to say.

And the bitterness inside you intensifies, feeling that really all you're doing is wasting your time. And you don't want to do this anymore.

"Look, it's clear that neither of us expected to see each other tonight..." you say firmly and clearly in your tone of voice, "And the best thing, for both of us, is for me to leave."

Again you try to leave, but eventually Aemond loses it too.

"You're upset with me, is that it?"

He asks you, stepping in front of you, his brow furrowed and his expression slightly confused. It's as if, finally, he's starting to lose patience too.

"Cause I didn't look for you after we kissed?"

You feel your heart start to beat too fast and you watch him with your parted lips for a moment, not expecting him to be so direct in finally speaking the things that have been going on between the two of you.

"I—

"Because to be fair, you didn't look for me either," he reproaches you, not feeling like the one completely to blame for the whole situation.

"I'm not the one with a girlfriend, Aemond," you remind him, firm with your words.

He lets out a long breath, tearing his gaze away from yours, looking around as if that might help him continue the conversation and show him what he has to say, ruffling his hair in frustration.

"Well, yes, I... that's part of why I didn't contact you," he confesses to you, "It wasn't right if I did, nor for her in spite of everything and nor for you."

You press your lips together and lower your gaze for a moment, feeling the icy, salty air caress your face and blow your hair as well.

"Yeah, it wasn't..." you shake your head, "It wasn't a good idea if you did. Certainly what happened was a mistake because of your commitments and responsibilities and..." you nod, "It was for the best."

"A mistake?" he repeats looking at you confused and bewildered.

"I'm just telling you what I see," you explain, serious.

"Do you think that I think that kiss was a mistake?" he asks you incredulously.

"You don't?" you inquire back, "I mean...you and me? A rich guy and a poor girl doing this? Having this... whatever it is?"

You point between him and you with your finger, watching him in confusion, as he watches and listens to you intently, wanting to understand you.

"I could confide things about my life to you and I wanted you to finally express yourself to someone. I didn't see it as such a big deal because of our differences but... this?" you inquire, "Getting involved in this way when you have a girlfriend, risking your relationship and your position with all the people at Crown's? Do you even understand the trouble that will be made if people find out?"

Aemond understands very well everything you are telling him and what you are referring to specifically.

He also thought about it every night since that kiss happened, remembering your closeness, your touch and the sensation. Then reality hit him like a bucket of cold water and snapped him out of his fantasy.

The fantasy that this... it can be. Even he doesn't know how but maybe, just maybe, it can be.

And being here, with you, having you so close, with that kiss replaying in his mind over and over again, he doesn't think straight.

He doesn't think about the consequences, about what could go wrong, about how dangerous it is and he wants to feel it all again, to be close to you, to breathe and feel that sense of freedom he feels only when he's with you.

He knows he shouldn't, he knows what's at stake, that he has all eyes on him but still... he can't help himself. And he only wants to do it because it feels right.

"And you were thinking all this when we kissed?" he asks you in a low, soft tone.

You let out a long breath and lick your lips.

Obviously no, you didn't think about it because you didn't even think or imagine at any point that you would end up making out with Aemond Targaryen himself.

But now that it's happened, it's also a reality check and it only makes you see more at why it shouldn't have happened and why it can't go on.

"No."

"Do you regret it?"

He asks you suddenly and you swallow hard as you watch him nervously, again taking you by surprise by asking that question. But you decide to be honest.

"No."

Then he again comes closer, placing himself in front of you, looking somewhat desperate, as if the idea of you walking away is unbearable to him and he will do everything he can to make you stay, that answer being all he needs to hear.

"I know we're both different," he tells you, his voice now low, as if he's confessing something, "You and I... we don't belong on the same side and that's why I shouldn't... we shouldn't."

He doesn't let go of you and although you could easily pull away, you stay in place, watching and listening to him intently, feeling the tension inevitably grow between the two of you.

"But I... I haven't stopped thinking about you," he tells you and watches you with an overwhelming intensity that captivates and paralyzes you at the same time, "Ever since that kiss... I haven't been able to get you out of my mind."

Your heart pounds in your chest and you say nothing, surprised, disoriented and longing, unconsciously, for that more.

"And another reason of why I didn't contact you was because... what I feel when I'm with you, it's... dangerous."

He confesses to you, his gaze becoming darker, more intense and more honest, as his hand comes up to touch your arm gently, moving closer towards you.

"Because I don't measure the consequences, I don't think straight, and being with you makes me want more, so much more than I should."

His honesty hits you hard, and for a moment, the air between you both seems to grow thicker, more charged with an electricity that is impossible to ignore.

You feel your breath hitch, and though you try to keep your composure, his words disarm you.

"I know it's not a good idea, I know this can bring us a lot of trouble and I know we shouldn't but I've spent my whole life letting my father and almost everyone around me make decisions for me that now... I want to make this decision," he tells you sure of his words.

"Aemond—

"I-I've never done this before," he interrupts you, wanting to make it all clear, "I don't even know what I'm saying exactly. But I want to do it because it feels right and because I feel like it's the right thing to do... for me."

He pauses, but doesn't look away from yours. You can see the internal battle in his eyes, the struggle to maintain control as emotions consume him inside.

And you, you're speechless, not expecting that he was going to tell you any of this.

"And I want you," he makes clear, voice firm but soft.

Those four words float in the air, suspended between the two of you, as you watch him with parted lips, the weight of his statement crashing over you like a wave and you feel the world around you seem to fade away.

You look him straight in the eye, searching for some sign that what he is saying is not a lie, with the slight hope in your gaze.

But there is no doubt in his gaze, only sincerity and you see him as you have seen him before in this place; vulnerable, honest and completely exposed.

Then you feel your own emotions swirl inside you, overwhelming, contradictory, but undeniable. And before you can stop or think, you take a step toward him, closing the distance between the two of you.

"Are you sure?" you ask him in a shaky whisper, because, suddenly, it all seems too much, the words, the emotions, the moment, everything.

He doesn't answer you right away, he shortens the distance between the two of you and his hand goes up to your cheek, caressing your skin with a softness that surprises you and you too raise your hand to caress his skin.

His fingers trace a line from your cheek to your jaw and the warmth of his touch envelops you completely.

His nose touches yours and you are both only inches away from each other, letting the closeness and the feeling envelop you completely along with the magic of the ocean and the shore.

"More than sure. I want you," he repeats, his voice low and soft, honest.

Then he leans his face closer to you, tilts his head and his lips meet yours.

It's as if you've been waiting for it for weeks, replaying the moment and reliving the sensation, which you reciprocate immediately, leaning closer to him if possible.

It's not rushed, nor is it gentle. It's intense, full of what you've both been waiting for.

And definitely the world around you fades away, because there is nothing but the contact between the two of you, the warmth of his lips on yours and the press of his body against yours.

Your arms curl around his neck and you feel him wrap his arms tighter around your waist, clinging to you.

The kiss becomes deeper, more demanding, and you find yourself losing yourself and letting yourself be completely carried away in it.

Everything looks and feels out of control but, at the same time, it feels absolutely right.

And you smile in the middle of the kiss, not wanting to let go of the moment, as you feel his long, pale fingers mark your skin, as you run your hands down his neck and through his hair, gently stirring it.

When you both run out of air and separate a few centimeters, catching your breath, with his forehead touching yours. Then a small smile also appears on his lips and he brushes his nose against yours.

"I have something to show you."

This catches your attention and you watch him through your eyelashes, still smiling softly and putting no distance between his body and yours, still hugging him.

"Hm?" you say slightly confused.

"You'll like it," he says to again leave a kiss on your lips, sounding like a promise.

Curiosity overcomes you and it is he who takes distance again between the two of you, to then entwine his hand with yours and begin to lead you, off the pier.

All the way off the beach you ask him what it's about, but he won't tell you anything about it, just that it's a surprise, which frustrates and confuses you but excites you more.

When you both leave through a main entrance to the beach with a booth and security guard and not jumping over a wall, as you are used to, and then he directs you to a black Jeep.

And you watch in surprise as he pulls some keys out of his front pocket.

"This is your car?" you ask in surprise, unable to help yourself.

"Yes," he observes you with a small smile, "I went to take care of some business at my father's work and on my way back, I didn't want to go home yet nor did I want them to know I was around so I decided to stop here and go to the pier," he explains to you.

You pay attention to him, but your attention is more on the beautiful Jeep he has. And he watches you almost tenderly, watching as you stare fascinated at his car, opening the door for you.

"Get in."

"But where are you taking me?" you ask amused.

"You'll see."

He doesn't give you any details and you enjoy the little ride in his car, so clean, so modern and having that very expensive smell, clearly.

The ride is not long and soon enough, he parks at Crown's pier, a pier that only he has access to and all the people who live on this side, obviously.

A pier where the rich pay to have their yachts or boats cleaned, maintained and cared for. And he clearly has no problem getting in, and then directing you towards a row of huge, expensive and elegant yachts tied up to the dock.

You've never been this close to one before and you have to remember to close your mouth at certain times and remove your fascinated idiot face when Aemond directs you and watches you.

When he stops in front of a huge three-story yacht with terraces, very luxurious and screaming money and power to the owners.

"This is my family's yacht," Aemond says to you, as you stare at the yacht with big bright eyes.

"And we're going up?" you ask him excited, thrilled and surprised.

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah, come on."

You follow him and watch as he strides confidently toward the gangway connecting the dock to the yacht, where you can't help but notice the familiarity with which he moves in this space, as if it were as commonplace to him as walking through his house.

However, for you, this place is a completely different world.

You contemplate the immensity of the yacht in front of you as you walk. And Aemond watches you over his shoulder, noticing your reactions again.

His lips curve into a small smile, and he holds out his hand, inviting you to come up.

You don't hesitate to take his hand, your eyes still watching the yacht, feeling your heart beat faster and faster with excitement with every step you take, because you've never been on something so luxurious before.

And once you set foot on the main deck, everything stretches out to you, with the air seeming to feel different, lighter.

And you stare in amazement at the deck furnished with huge white leather sofas that look very comfortable, as well as glass tables, expensive decorations and exotic plants in designer pots.

Aemond walks around the deck, showing you every corner as if it were the most normal thing in the world. He also shows you a huge dining table and an outdoor bar.

And you follow in his footsteps, feeling like you're in a dream.

"This yacht is mostly used by Aegon to bring his friends, girls, have his parties or when he wants to be alone. Daeron and Helaena also come when they don't want to be at home, sometimes I come with them or I also come when I don't want anyone to bother me," he explains to you as he gives you the tour.

"This isn't the yacht that was at the pier when you caught me, is it?"

"No, that one was smaller and my mom's."

You look at him in surprise.

"How many yachts does your family have, then?"

"Only three," he tells you amused, "My mom's, this one and another one about the same size as this one."

And he says it so simply, as if it's the most normal thing in the world to have three luxurious yachts and as if it's so easy to buy them, which... yes, it is easy, because his family has plenty of money.

"The other one is used more by my dad and when my mom wants to go on little trips, celebrations or things like that, it's on that yacht that we all get together but never on this one."

'I wish I had a lot of money too.'

Your mind tells you, making all your poverty clearer to you.

You listen to everything he tells you, but you're also too focused on absorbing every detail, from the sleek, minimalist design to the breathtaking views of the nighttime ocean stretching out in front of you.

Everything here looks like something out of a glossy magazine, and at times, you find it hard to believe you're really here.

"Come."

He says to you, as he slides the glass doors that take you inside the yacht and you follow him, stepping inside with him behind you.

'God.'

You think, gazing in wonder at all the interior that is most... extravagant.

White walls, white floor, black and gold details decorate the whole place. First is the large living room with white sofas, black furniture, soft carpets and windows big enough to give you an amazing view of the outside.

You can only imagine how beautiful you would see both from the deck side and from in here the whole ocean if the yacht was in motion.

Everything here is spacious, with those expensive decorations, air conditioning and a huge TV that takes up almost an entire wall.

And on the other end, there is a huge kitchen with black cabinets, refrigerator, stove, oven, dishwasher, island and basically equipped with absolutely everything, with nothing missing.

"Wow," you murmur, walking around the kitchen, observing everything.

Aemond doesn't stop watching you, because there's something about your expression, the way you watch everything in wonder and how your smile widens with each new discovery, that makes him smile too.

But you just can't help it. All of it breathtaking, every corner screams richness and exclusivity.

Then he briefly shows you the bathroom and takes you to the second floor, where you climb the stairs all too excitedly, peering in every direction.

"This is so cool," you say with a smile, watching the second floor hallway.

He shows you room after room, which is four in all, where each has its own luxurious bathroom, king-size beds, television and ocean views that look like something out of a dream.

Your mind tries to process all this, but it's as if every time you look around, something new surprises you.

Then he shows you the second-floor terrace, where there are also sofas, glass tables, an open bar, loungers and a hot tub.

"No way," you murmur in amazement.

You approach the edge of the hot tub, touching the water with your fingertips and feel the warmth of the water against your skin.

If Daniel were in this place, he would have passed out. And when you tell him, he definitely won't believe you. Or he'll believe you but he'll be very envious.

"I've always wanted to get on one of these yachts. But for some strange reason, I never thought they'd have hot tubs. I mean, I should have guessed," you tell him with a little smile, "It's great."

Every step you take inside this place makes you feel smaller and, at the same time, more excited. You enter a world to which you have never belonged, but which now opens up to you in the most unexpected way.

And deep down, you feel a strange mix of emotions, excitement to be here, but also a slight regret as you remember that this is not your world, that this is Aemond's life, not yours.

But Aemond doesn't notice any of this. He just keeps watching you, drawing his attention to the way you are amazed by everything.

There is something in your innocent amazement that moves him, something that makes him smile every time your eyes light up at the discovery of something new.

He knows that all this is new to you, and he likes to see you enjoying yourself, exploring this world that, for him, is so familiar but for you is completely unknown.

Then he takes you to the top floor, where there is also a small terrace that allows you to have an incredible view of the whole yacht and the ocean. And also where is the cabin to navigate the yacht.

"And do you know how to navigate this?" you ask him as you watch and walk through everything, looking at the details of the control panel and the helm, curious.

"Of course," he tells you slightly offended, "What's the point of owning a yacht and not knowing how to sail it?"

You can't help but let out a small laugh at the way he says it, almost as if it's a duty for someone like him.

"This is like a house, it already has everything you need and you could basically live here with no problem and without needing to sail."

"Yeah," he says thoughtfully, in agreement, "But the point is to sail it and show it off."

You let out a small laugh.

"Typical of those who live at Crown's."

He watches you with a small smile on his lips, realizing that for you, being here, getting to know his yacht, is enough. But not for him.

"Do you want to go sailing?"

"Now?" you look at him surprised, "In the middle of the night?"

"No, not now."

He answers you in a soft tone, moving closer to you, raising his hand to cup your cheek, watching you attentively and tenderly.

"But someday. Soon," he tells you then.

And you watch him in complete anticipation, leaning into his touch.

"Really?"

"Yes," he tells you softly, "We will."

You smile, excited, thrilled, excited, surprised, incredulous, all of it.

"I'd love to."

The idea of being here, of coming back and sailing the ocean together, seems almost unreal. It's something you never thought you could experience, much less with him. But the illusion settles deep within you.

Your smile widens even more, your eyes shining with excitement as you lean slightly into his touch, wanting to feel more of that warmth he brings you.

He watches you silently for a few moments and leans closer to you, kissing you softly.

His hand on your waist burns your skin and you cling to him completely, enjoying the taste of his lips, the warmth of his body, the way he makes you feel and the way he makes you forget everything and focus only on him.

And in the middle of the kiss, he pulls away just enough to murmur against your lips, his breath mixing with yours.

"We can spend the night here... if you want."

You watch him, somewhere between confusion and surprise.

"Here? Really?"

The idea is exciting, but forbidden, yet more exciting.

And he nods, stroking your cheek with his thumb as he watches you intently and gently, where you watching him back, you notice now that you are this close with him, his real eye and his prostatic eye, being able to see the difference.

But you don't care. He is still beautiful. Intrigue comes over you, though.

"Yes, yes we can. There won't be any problems. No one from my family comes here," he assures you, his tone calm.

"Are you sure? And Aegon?"

Aemond flashes a half-smile, cocking his head slightly to one side.

"I doubt he'll show up. He hasn't in a while.... Besides, if he come, he probably wouldn't even notice we were here."

Your thoughts race at full speed, the thought of staying there, in such a luxurious and private place, just you and Aemond alone, causes you a mixture of nerves and excitement.

You look around once more, feeling the cool evening breeze and the calm sound of the ocean in the distance. Everything seems magical. And you don't want to miss an opportunity like this.

"Okay."

Aemond leans into you again and kisses you more intensely this time. You cling to him, your hands exploring his neck and hair as the kiss grows deeper, more desperate, as if neither of you want it to end.

After a few minutes, when you both need to breathe, Aemond pulls away slightly, his lips barely brushing yours as he murmurs to you in a voice that is barely a whisper.

"Come. I'll show you where I usually sleep."

Without letting go of your hand, Aemond leads you back inside the yacht, down the stairs. The atmosphere inside is warm and welcoming, with dim lights illuminating the way.

You pass through several doors until you finally arrive at the last one, the room he showed you before and which is the largest of them all.

And as you both enter, tension, anticipation and excitement envelop both him and you. Where Aemond wraps his arms around your waist when your back is turned to him and rests his chin on your shoulder.

"Do you like it?" he whispers, his voice deep and calm.

You don't respond right away, as he begins to leave soft, wet kisses on your shoulder, then moves down to your neck.

You close your eyes and tilt your head to the side, giving him more accessibility, feeling the shivers run through your entire body and your breathing heavier.

"Yes," you reply on a shaky sigh.

His large hands caress your waist without ceasing to mark and kiss your skin, only for you to begin to lose patience and turn towards him in his arms, kissing him deeply.

And you feel how the ocean whisper mixes with yours.

general taglist:

@zenka69 @strangersunghoon @deliaseastar @thefireblaze @kythefangirl25 @p45510n4f4shi0n @saturnssrings @bellaisasleep @primroseluna @tinykryptonitewerewolf @barnes70stark @tssf-imagines

[predestinatos]

outside, baby | CL16 ☆𖦹°‧★

chapter 1 chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4

pairing: charles leclerc × fem!reader [+ tiny bit of oscar piastri x fem!reader]

summary: charles was not expecting to see you this time. especially not with someone else. chapter 2 of an ongoing series.

tags: enemies to lovers, jealous!charles, sweet cute giddy moments with oscar, i promise he won't get hurt in this, smut (details in warnings)

word count: 3.6k

♡₊˚ 🦢₊✧ minors dni !! warnings & note underneath ♡₊˚ 🦢₊✧

warnings: smut, car sex, thigh riding, dirty talk, sort of possessive talk.

author's note: thank you so much for all the lovely comments and support on part 1!! it made me really happy to continue this and make it a series!! hope you like this chapter with some twists and turns <3

You were nervous.

Not because this was your first time at a race - it wasn't - but because it was the first time you went to one not invited by friends but by someone else.

You weren't sure when it had started, but meeting Oscar Piastri had been one of the best things that could've happened to you recently. He was intensely calm and collected, respectful of your space but also caring. Although things haven't developed much past a couple of dates and more than a couple of texts, you enjoyed how it was progressing.

You watched him get ready, his scent of fresh fruit now becoming familiar to you, his shy smile a comfortable view.

Sitting in his driver's room, you admired him and how direct he was.

"Thank you for being here" he interrupted your thoughts softly, cheeks slightly red.

"Thank you for inviting me" you replied, giving him a small smile yourself. You felt 15 again, shy and slightly awkward, but oh so giddy.

So much so that you had almost forgotten the burning Read that still haunted your phone.

It didn't matter - at least not anymore. It was who he was, cold, distant and arrogant. You both had your fun for a night and that was all there was to it.

And although you avoided crossing your path with his as much as he did with you - you noticed how rarely Charles was in dinners and parties where you were, but his presence was assured as soon as you informed the group chat you couldn't make it that day - you also hoped to see him.

not to speak to him, or confront him, but rather to have some sort of confirmation, that something had happened that night. To see his reaction upon noticing your presence where he did not expect you to be, to catch his unprepared gaze, to decipher it somehow.

Oscar's hand suddenly appeared in your vision, inviting you to hold it as he guided you towards the upper part of the paddock, where you'd be watching the race. Holding it, his hand felt familiar, a sense of closeness you had with this boy that provided you with the friendship you needed in moments such as those.

"Are you nervous?" you asked him. He seemed so calm, confident in a non arrogant way, just aware that he was doing his best and that was the best anyone could do. His shoulders relaxing, he kept guiding you towards your spot as he replied, "over the race? not really. over you being here? yes."

There it was, his bluntness and openness about his own feelings which captivated you so much and made you feel so secure. There were no games with him, he was transparent and collected, and you felt like you were near a beach, listening to the waves but never afraid they'd consume you.

Upon walking, your eyes brush over a familiar figure - recognizable everywhere, dark party lights or not. Before your brain could process everything to take another look, he was already on the move towards the ferrari garage, leaving your heart pounding in your chest with ache. Reaching the most comfortable spot where you could sit and see the race perfectly, Oscar left a small kiss on your cheek as you wished him good luck.

"You're already here" he replied, with a timid wink, as he turned away from you and towards the garage.

Reporter: Charles, that was quite an aggressive approach out there on the track today! Charles: Well, yeah, I fight hard for what I want… and I wanted a place on that podium-

You were sitting on the hotel room floor, eating some takeout sushi, drinking coke and watching the Saw films with Oscar, his own special way of celebrating a P4 – which is to say, it’s a great spot for him as he is proving himself, so he feels happy enough to just hang.

“This is gross” he said, frowning and flinching his whole body as he took a sip of his drink. “I mean, it isn’t even scary, it’s just disgusting” he continued, despite clearly wanting to keep watching.

“It’s just someone chopping their own arm off, could be worse” you joked back, smiling at him. “Besides, being so gross that you can’t stop watching is what makes it so good.”

It felt easy, being with him. Like being with a friend you’ve known since you were little, where you could breathe and be yourself without overthinking.

“Thank you again. For being there today, I mean” he said, his eyes not leaving the television screen. “No need. You did great out there, and you were so close to that podium were it not for Charles’ ridiculous move,” you replied, rolling your eyes. You tried not to think about it, or what it could mean, at least not now, while you were with Oscar. Your anger was ready to burst out of you at any moment, but you held it down with him around.

“Yeah, I mean… It was fucked, but completely legal. I guess I just wasn’t expecting it as much since Leclerc is not the type to do that” he shrugged it off, while also flinching at the sudden limb being ripped out on screen. As much as you tried to brush it off as a new attempt at strategy, you knew Charles wasn’t the type to do that at all. He was arrogant, rude and overconfident but not on track, not the driver who takes such an offensive approach. You hated the fact that your mind found itself considering the fact that this was because of you, that the sheer image of you with someone else could turn Charle’s behavior into one of sheer petty jealousy. Besides, it made no sense. He had left you on read, he had constantly made it clear how much he disliked you, and accidents such as that night happen but that’s all they are – accidents.

As the credits of the 3rd film rolled, your phone vibrated and its screen lit up in the darkness of the hotel room. You took a quick glance at it, almost instinctively, not thinking much about it. However, the name on the screen caused you to freeze as you watched the screen turn to black again. You double tapped again, and read what it said:

Charles (Asshole): let me know once you’re done comforting your little friend. (2:04am)

Before, you would have chuckled at this, knowing it sprang out of amusement over getting on your nerves, but this time you knew it wasn’t like that. He was gloating, not only over winning, but over winning against Oscar. He also knew Oscar wasn’t necessarily upset over his P4, given the fact that it was a really good position for a rookie. But what he did know, was that if he had taken his usual approach, maybe things would be different. He confirmed your suspicions and this only angered you more. You knew you shouldn’t, you should turn the phone down, screen facing the floor, and enjoy the 4th film with its gore and blood, maybe even imagining it was Charles in there. But you couldn’t. So you typed back.

You: why would i give you that satisfaction (2:06am)

You barely had time to put your phone down before its screen lit up again, this time twice in a row.

Charles (Asshole): i think i deserve it tbh, princess (2:06am) Charles (Asshole): send me your location (2:07am)

In a way he did deserve it. He deserved for you to scream at him, to hear how horrible of a person he was, how absolutely exhausted you were of this despite the fact it had just started. You looked at the boy sitting next to you, who noticed your stare and looked back, replying only with a tired smile. You pressed the ‘share location’ button on your phone and locked its screen.

“Seems like the films aren’t gory enough to keep you awake” you softly tell Oscar. He let out a breath that indicated a humored reaction at what you said. Instinctively, you ran a hair through his hair as you spoke “you should sleep. And I should go.”

He seemed both sad that you were leaving and happy that you were able to see past his attempt at staying awake. This was confirmed by his nod and yawn as he got up in order to walk you to the hotel room door. “How are you getting there?” he asked, running a hand through his hair. With this, you realized you really didn’t have any way to leave, and were counting on Charles to provide a lift. “Oh uh… a friend is taking me, don’t worry” you grinned as you said goodbye to him. His hand remained on yours for a second too long but was quickly removed awkwardly as he tried shaking it off as a symptom of sleepiness. “Right, well… goodnight” he whispered warmly as he closed the door.

You awaited as the elevator descended, and time seemed to have slowed down massively. Hours seemed to pass inside that cubicle, although they still didn’t give you enough time to plan what you were going to say. Suddenly, this whole ordeal seemed too complex, too stupid and too dramatic for you to feed into it. You desperately wanted it to be over despite the fact that it hadn’t really started, and as the doors opened you glanced at the text on your phone which said “Here.”

You stood at the entrance of the hotel, looking around for any sign of Charles or his car. Far away, barely parked in a small, almost hidden corner, you saw his pitch black Ferrari, impossible to ignore but still trying its best to remain unnoticeable. You walked anxiously towards him, his figure becoming more and more clear as you got closer. He was wearing a dark hoodie and his glasses, making him look softer and even friendlier. It was ridiculous how much it contrasted with his actual attitude and egotism. You realized then there was nothing you could say to him, nothing to argue about whatsoever, because that was just who Charles was, and he wasn’t worth it.

You took a deep breath as you opened the car door and hopped in, the air conditioner hitting your skin and giving you goosebumps.

At first, you were surprised at how aware of your anger he seemed to be – he was driving carefully and silently for a few minutes before he broke the tension rising between you two. “So for how long have you known your little friend?” he asked. Despite the ironic, mocking tone in his voice, his jaw was tense and his hands gripped the wheel a bit tighter, his veins becoming more and more visible. Upon realizing this, you had reached an even better conclusion: the only way to handle Charles was to play by the same rules that he played, even if it required a little bit of bluffing.

“And why would that be of your concern?” you asked, bringing one leg on top of the other, while leaning down more comfortably on the car seat. You tried looking ahead, relying on the corner of your eye for any subtle movements coming from him – in this case, his head going left and right, in a negative movement.

“None. It’s just that you seemed upset that I was better than him” he answered, clearly pleased with the fact that your back and forth had just restarted. “Fuck you, Leclerc” you spat at him, now looking through the window, your back turned. Even then, you could feel his every movement as the car seemed to get smaller and smaller all around you.

“I’m not sure your little friend would like that, princess” his giggle was so innocent against the unexpected affirmation, that your whole body tensed up. “Are we back on a last name basis as well?” he continued, unapologetically striking every single one of your nerves at once. You felt the car slow down on a secluded area, mostly forest, but which revealed a small lake with the moonlight reflected on its surface. It was as quiet as it could get, as you heard the car stopping and then turning fully off. You realized you hadn’t told him where to take you, so even if he wanted to just mess with you while driving you home, there was no way for him to do so.

Part of you wanted to stay and not go, so you wouldn’t be alone with your own thoughts. The only thing worse than being with Charles in a car at night was being alone in your room. The same couldn’t be said for him. He had gotten P2, which was pretty good, and surely would be a good enough excuse for a celebration involving drinking and partying and not sleeping.

“Why are you here? No girl wanted to fuck you tonight?” you asked him, more aggressively than you hoped to be. He didn’t seem to take offense to this, in fact, he looked pleased with your question, his eyebrows raised and his head cocked to one side, playfully. “Oh no, plenty of them wanted to. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you though.” You scoffed at him, and how he could ever think something like that would work on you after what he had done. Feeling more and more brave as seconds passed, maybe because of how hot you were feeling, maybe because he just made you feel that way, you took your seatbelt off and turned yourself fully to him, your legs crossed on top of the seat. Charles’ eyes travelled up and down your body, examining every inch of it as his mouth twisted in a small, almost unnoticeable grin. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you either, Charles. And how much of a fucking idiot you are,” you replied, crossing your arms across your chest, trying to hide as much of yourself as you could, for in this moment you were sure he could read your every movement as well as you could read his.

“Thought about you during the whole race, too” he continued, and you would have assumed he ignored you were it not clear that he was lost in his own thoughts, busy examining not your words but your actions. “About how good you looked” he got closer as he spoke, his hands sliding across your seat as his eyes looked absolutely dazed. “About why you were there with some guy” he finished, his hand caressing your face, his thumb soft on your lips. He pulled your lower lip as if to call for your attention, then quickly distanced himself from you in a purposefully fake stretching motion. “So, if you want me to apologize for winning, I won’t.”

You didn’t know if he was referring to the race, or to this exact moment, where he surely realized he still had impact on you with a single look and a slight touch. You didn’t know if he thought he had won against your or Oscar, but it did not matter. It didn’t matter that you and Oscar were barely more than friends, and that the two of you were clearly just enjoying each other’s company – mostly because Charles didn’t know that, and he didn’t need to know it as long as it got him on his nerves.

“Funny because, last time I checked I went to his room, not yours” you snapped back. It was your turn now, to back him into a corner. You said this with such confidence you were sure that it sounded like “it was him I fucked” in Charles’ head. Taking your chance to make it even better, you leaned across him, your hand on his thigh, so close to his face, only to pretend to take something from his door. Gloating at your own success at making him completely helpless, you barely had time to register his hands on your neck, pulling you harshly towards him as his lips met yours.

If your kiss had previously been messy and hungry, this one was aggressive and assertive, both of you letting out your frustrations and desires through lip bites and pulling fistfuls of each other’s hair.

At that point, all you could feel were his hands on your waist, lifting you towards his lap. Wrapping your hands around his neck, you complied and sat easily almost never breaking the kiss.

Suddenly, he pulled away, a grin splattered across his swollen lips. “You look so beautiful like that” he whispered dizzily, as you grew more and more frustrated at his sudden pauses. He laughed to himself proudly as he looked at you, and before you could process it – in fact, you couldn’t, your mind was filled with tortuous lust – you realized what the source of his amusement lay. He was looking at your erratic movements on his thigh, how your arousal seemed to have possessed you so immensely that you couldn’t help yourself any longer. You blushed and buried your hands on your face with sheer embarrassment over how quickly your façade faded away.

Carefully, yet with unmistakable darkness, almost as if a totally different person now, Charles pulled your hands away and leaned towards you. “Don’t stop” was all he said, but it caused a small cry to escape your lips as you felt his hand on your hip, guiding your movements. His other hand grabbed your chin gently, making you face him.

It was both embarrassing and mesmerizing, how he seemed so composed and collected, and how you were falling apart completely. You never realized how much you needed him, how badly you craved his touch and the particular way his lips travelled across your skin. From your face, his hand lowered itself to your neck, grabbing it with just enough strength to make you more lightheaded than you already were. You sobbed with pleasure as you looked at him, holding his gaze as your hips moved frantically against his leg, a dizzy smile spreading across your lips.

You would speak if you could, but nothing left your lips apart from Charles’ name accompanied by breathy moans. He, however, seemed to love that, how you lost all of your composure for him exclusively, while he tried his best to keep his own. He could feel how wet you were through your underwear and his own sweatpants, your skirt allowing for less fabric to be in the way of your own pleasure. “Si jolie… et tout à moi” he whispered, taking advantage of your not so extensive knowledge of French to say things he wasn’t capable of saying in English despite his usual comfortability with himself. He wanted you for himself, in such a way that just you pleasuring yourself on him was enough for him to feel utterly drunk with ecstasy and lust, knowing that as soon as he was alone he would jerk himself off desperately to the sight of your open mouth, half closed eyes and flushed cheeks, to the sound of your voice crying out his name in moans of ecstasy, and to the feeling of your wet cunt on his thigh.

This was both your prize and punishment: your presence had given him more drive to win, to show you how he would always be better than anyone you might try to have, but it had also bothered him in ways he never knew he could be irritated. He tried so hard to ignore you, to not break the promise once again, but you always had a way to show up and ruin all of his plans and mess with his head, especially by being oh so close to Oscar.

You couldn’t stop. His skin caressed yours with satin textured touches, so characteristically his in their intensity. And although he seemed a bit more aggressive, possessive even, as he clearly insisted on your full focus on him, mental and physical, you have never felt so aroused. You were all his, both still dressed but both feeling as intimate as if you were bare naked before each other. His sweatpants left little to the imagination, and his throbbing erection filled you with fervor. Your movements against his thigh intensified, less rhythmic and more desperate. He looked hypnotized by you, consumed by something deeper than lust, more intense than sheer desire, and the view you had before you combined with how good you were feeling caused your hands to fly to his shoulders, your face buried in his neck as your whole body erupted in pleasure and melted into his.

You couldn’t deny the fact that you were still angry at him, but you were also too tired, too confused and overall too incoherent to start a fight. With him, you always were, and this is how he won. With the foggy windows of the Ferrari and the feeling of his hands on your hair lulling you to sleep.

He won because when you opened your eyes next morning, you were in a bed which wasn’t yours, wearing only an oversized t-shirt. You looked around, confused as to where you were, flashbacks of the previous night clouding your vision.

On the bedside table, a note read “You’re at mine’s. I slept on the sofa. Text me when you wake up – C.” You look at your phone to check the time – 12:13pm. You also see a notification on your screen.

Oscar: u got home safe? (10:34am)

[jnnul]

nouvelle vague

a/n: i've been in a fever dream writing this fic, honestly. i kinda just needed to write it. it means so much to me that i did though because it's something that i wish that i had learned earlier and i just love this fic so much please love her like i have. and a huge HUGE thank you to xixi and soph for beta reading! couldn't have made this fic possible without you <3 quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

word count: 13.3k

tags: college au!, confusing love, y/n who can't get her life together, self-destructive mc x perfect donghyun with a sprinkle of best boy dongmin, so many good friends and so many lessons to be learned

warnings: explicit detail of sex (oral, foreplay, angry sex, unprotected sex...) underage drinking, and general college shenanigans! also heavy detailing of unhealthy relationships with stress, and academic pressures :(

playlist: nouvelle vague - wave to earth, fairy of shampoo - dosii, she - jannabi, 0310 - yerin baek

THERE WERE LOTS OF THINGS THAT YOU KNEW NOT TO DO.

don't leave the gas on, don't let sanghyeok lee cook anything, and don't get into pointless arguments with dongmin han that he gets overly competitive about winning.

"...which is why you've got to trust me when i say that mbti is a science that you can actually trust!"

"i don't know, min, i just think mbti is stupid. it's a pseudoscience at best, and that too is a complete overstatement," you say off-handedly, more preoccupied with finding the book you needed to write your essay on. dongmin scoffs, pressing a steepled hand to his chest in offense as he pulls down the book you were look for with the other.

"that sounds like something an intj would say," he counters, withholding the book from you. you stare at him unimpressed, arms folded over your chest.

"it sounds like something a logical person would say," you retort, waiting for him to relent and return your book. this behavior (much to your dismay) was nothing new and you knew your best friend well enough to just wait out his tantrums for you to be able to move on with your life.

dongmin looks at you expectantly and you sigh, hanging your head. "alright, alright, i'm not a logical person; i've just got a stick up my ass. are you happy now?"

your best friend harrumphs proudly and touches the book to both of your shoulders, as though he were knighting you. you roll your eyes and snatch the book from him, hugging it close to your chest for fear that he might steal it from you again.

"maybe if you actually had a stick up your ass once in a while, you wouldn't be such a killjoy all the time," dongmin snorts, narrowly dodging you when you wind up to smack him with the book (read: weapon) in your hand.

"alright so now since i haven't had sex in a while, i'm a killjoy?" you say as the both of you make your way back to the study room that you'd reserved in hopes that you'd actually get some work done today. although, you should've been wise enough to give up on such nonsensical ideas the moment dongmin texted/warned you that he would be gracing you with his presence.

"i still can't believe you won't tell me who you had sex with last. and besides, i don't think you're a killjoy," dongmin clarifies, opening the door for you to walk through. "but everyone else does."

"because i'm voluntarily celibate?"

"because you never go out anymore! you used to be so much fun, y/n. you used to be the girl that would have crazy stories from when she would party until five in the morning. the one who'd have boy after boy lining up in front of her door just to see if they would get a chance with you. not to mention the fact that you used be able to drink us all to shame. i still think you're an awesome and fun person without doing any of those things but i miss you sometimes, you know? i just can't help but wonder where that girl went and that's why everyone else can't understand why a person like you and i can be best friends when they see us now. because they don't know what you used to be like."

you sigh, tucking your hood over your shoulder as you begin to analyze the work in front of you.

"i didn't go anywhere, min and you know that. i don't care what other people think as long as my best friend knows the truth. and besides, that lifestyle was never going to be a sustainable one. i just decided that i wanted more out of life than just parties and bad grades," you explain patiently, eyes never leaving the neatly organized papers in front of you.

dongmin huffs and leans backwards into the booth, but he knows it's the truth. while he'd become friends with you because of your rambunctious and adventurous spirit back in freshman year, he'd chosen to remain best friends with you even later on because you were a good person - an ambitious person who wanted to make something out of their life.

"you can have both, you know," he mumbles and you smile gently at him before looking back down at your book.

"i know. you can have both because you were smart and made sure your grades never slipped. i didn't do that and now i'm paying the price," you remind him, and you can sense dongmin's protest about your self-deprecating statement bubbling up but he's interrupted when the study room door opens and a series of people begin to file in.

"hey, so sorry to have to kick you out but we have the room reser - wait. dongmin? what are you doing in a study room, man?" one of the men who'd walked in says.

you don't pay attention to the people walking in as you begin to gather your materials, leaving the socializing to your much more extroverted best friend. you check your watch, cursing under your breath when you realize that you'd spent too much time looking for the book and dongmin’s antics. you were supposed to switch from this study room to the one next door, because that one was available for a long period of time but only opened up right as the current one was going to be occupied.

"eh, i just came to bother y/n," dongmin says with a bored tone that everyone in the room knows is a front. "what are you guys doing here? don't you have a musty basement to throw a rager in?"

this leads all of the men and women who walked in to snicker, pointing at the poor soul who'd decided to take it up with dongmin today.

"you're basically in the frat too," the man protests and you finally register him to be jeongwoo park, one of dongmin's heaps of friends in the tsr frat.

"yeah but you have to pay to drink your own alcohol with your own dues," dongmin points out, snickering at jeongwoo. "i drink your alcohol for free."

"i say we ban this kid from our parties," another voice, hyunwoo kim pipes up, and a chorus of 'yeah's' and 'shut up jeongwoo' rise up simultaneously from both sides of the conversation. you fail to keep in your giggle as you watch dongmin get banned from the tsr frat in realtime (that you know he's going to charm his way out of somehow anyway), causing some of the people to turn their attention to you.

"y/n! how are you babe? it feels like it's been a century since we've last seen you!" one of the girls, jihyo han, says warmly and you give her a shy smile.

"i'm doing alright. swamped with projects," you say, lifting your arms up to showcase the number of books and papers you were balancing and doyeon coos sympathetically.

"that's what double majoring in english literature and architecture does to you but the woman doesn't listen to me," dongmin says, jostling you jestfully. you turn to chide him for pushing you when you accidentally lose grip of all of your work, causing it to tumble to the ground in what feels like slow-motion into heaps of unorganized messes.

"dongmin!" you hear hyunwoo scold as you swoop down to gather everything into your arms once more. another figure joins you on the ground, scooping papers into a neat stack with nimble fingers and strong arms. you look up to make eye contact with donghyun kim, immediately averting your eyes when you do, afraid of what he might find in them if he kept looking at you for too long.

"thanks," you mumble when donghyun hands you the papers he's collected and he just offers you a soft smile.

"it does feel like it's been a while since we've seen you around, y/n. even sanghyeok complains that he hasn't seen you at their place lately," donghyun says gently and you're left to shrug helplessly as you adjust to grasp at the stray pages more carefully.

"ah. yeah. i haven't really gone over to dongmin and sanghyeok's place lately because i've been in the library most of the time," you say and donghyun nods, silent as he watches you with that knowing gaze that sets your every nerve on fire.

sometimes, you wonder if donghyun knows how much of an impact he has on those around him just by the way he looks at them.

you don't have feelings for donghyun - at least no feelings worth discussing with anyone and none that you were ever willing to recall - but you're sure that pretty any one with a pair of eyes and a functioning heart could acknowledge just how attractive he was.

you were almost 99.99% sure that even if what had happened between you and donghyun hadn't happened, anyone's heart would skip at least once when they talked to him.

"i'm gonna go to the other study room," you announce hurriedly to no one in particular and dongmin takes it as his cue to bid his friends farewell as the two of you make your way to the study room.

"feel free to come to our room if it gets too loud or crowded in here!" dongmin yells over his shoulder, much to your dismay and to the chagrin of the librarian sitting at her desk a few yards away.

"sorry!" he exclaims, equally as loud, and the librarian just rolls her eyes with a forgiving smirk tugging at her lips. of course dongmin had managed to charm her too. you'd be surprised if your best friend left anyone with two legs and a heartbeat on this campus without at least an attempt to get into their pants.

or vice versa. mostly vice versa.

"oh that reminds me. sanghyeok asked me if you wanted to come to movie night this friday. you've skipped out on the last three because of work and exams but you're finally gonna be submitting all the big ones by this thursday so i don't want to hear any excuses on why you can't come to movie night. alright? alright. besides, all of the guys from our - your freshman year are gonna be there. and also, sanghyeok is gonna bring his girlfriend too so you won't be the only girl," dongmin says, his words firing out of his mouth in rapid succession.

you just nod in understanding, knowing that this shouldn't be the hill that you died on when it came to dongmin's antics.

"and i also may or may not have promised that you'd come to jaehyun's party on saturday," dongmin adds sheepishly and this finally catches your attention.

"movie night is one thing but a party is another thing, dongmin! is it a frat party or a clubbing type event? how long is the event? do you need me to send a present for him or something? isn't it his birthday soon?" you interrogate and dongmin just throws a pencil at you and puts his index finger to his lips to shush you.

"woman, do you ever shut up?" he sasses, immediately raising his hands in surrender when your eyebrows lift so high, they disappear into your hairline. "what i mean is, jaehyun said that he would give me the number of that cute girl from your structural design class that you won't give me if you come to his party."

"how does he know her? and what does that have to do with my attendance at his party?" you ask and dongmin shrugs, leaning over the table.

"it's jaehyun. he knows everything about everyone," dongmin reminds you and you have to concede to that. "and i'm not kidding when i say that people miss you y/n. you're still that fun person when you're away from your work and people haven't seen that side of you in so long. you've gotta oblige jaehyun on his birthday, don't you think?"

"...i'll think about it," you say with a sigh after a few beats of contemplation. "as long it's not a 'rager in a musty basement' like jeongwoo's parties."

dongmin lifts three fingers solemnly. "scout's honor. it's not going to be a rager in a musty basement. now please. finish your work! i'm hungry and sanghyeok promised ramen from the ramen bar."

+++

to dongmin's credit, the movie night was actually a breath of fresh air from your constant cycle of work, school, and stress. sanghyeok's girlfriend, jayoon sim, was the sweetest girl you'd ever met in your life, back when you'd met her at the beginning of the year. she was very similar to sanghyeok in the fact that she was outgoing and on the louder side but it was heartwarming to see sanghyeok start to mellow out to balance her spark.

it wasn't as though sanghyeok was toning down his personality for her - if anything, the two of them were even more chaotic together - but he seemed to like riding the backseat of the conversation more often as jayoon went on some tangent or another of the plot of the movie.

which led to lots of moments where the movie was paused by one of the five boys present at movie night (more often than not, it was sungho park, who was more intrigued by jayoon's tangents than the movie itself) and lots of popcorn being eaten in those breaks.

and that was how you found yourself standing in sanghyeok's kitchen, popping another bag of popcorn - the fourth bag in the past hour. sanghyeok had offered but you knew from personal experience that sanghyeok plus any form of cooking equals fire.

you personally thought it was a talent to be that talentless at cooking but dongmin, sanghyeok's roommate and the unfortunate soul who had to put out said fires, was not nearly as amused as you were.

"do you need any help?" you hear a voice ask behind you. you turn to make eye contact with donghyun, standing in the space that separated the kitchen from the foyer where you could faintly hear jaehyun myung and dongmin get into yet another argument about the logistics of whether or not batman could feasibly buy the mona lisa.

"it's just popping a bag of popcorn," you answer. donghyun laughs, taking another step forward into the kitchen.

"and yet sanghyeok manages to destroy the bag and the popcorn every single time," donghyun reminds you and you shrug, slipping your phone into your pocket.

"it's hard to do. you have to give him that," you admit and he laughs again, shaking his head.

"touché."

there's a blanket of silence that falls over the conversation, the argument in the other room providing background noise so it doesn't grow awkward.

you knew donghyun wasn't much of a talker but at this point, you just didn't know what to say to him anymore. he wasn't a stranger to you - he was close to dongmin, and prior to that, you had been pretty close to the five boys. they'd been the boys that you'd gone out with most of the time during the second half of freshman year and the beginning of sophomore year.

donghyun had seen you in a number of embarrassing situations; granted, most of them were while you were blackout drunk, but the number of times that you were in asaid state during the first half of your college education was embarrassing enough.

and he'd seen you...he'd seen all of you. he'd seen too much of yourself and it made you want to stuff yourself deep underground so you could escape his knowing gaze.

so while donghyun kim was no stranger to you, this new version of you was a stranger to him.

it was an odd feeling: having the knowledge of a shared past that neither of you could fully relate to any longer, and having mentalities that extended in distinctly different directions in the present.

donghyun was the prime example of being able to have it all. from what you knew about him from the past three years of tentatively close friendship, you knew that he was a strong academic who would skip out on a party here and there to make sure he could study the next morning but could be convinced into having a good time pretty much anywhere.

you've heard of a good many adventures from dongmin just this year about how the five of them had found themselves in abandoned malls or parties at the college neighboring yours, which was infamous for its ability to throw a rager for pretty much any reason.

if anything, the strongest feeling that you felt towards donghyun kim was sheer, unadulterated, pure jealousy. how could one person be so well-balanced while it felt like you were fighting an uphill battle everyday just to get everything done?

that jealousy was what had landed you in the situation you were in now: filled to the brim with stress and ready to pop at any moment. it was also that envy which had led to that mistake at the beginning of sophomore year between you and donghyun.

"y/n? are you okay?" donghyun asks, waving a hand in front of your face. you blink, turning belatedly to open the microwave door, only to see that donghyun had already done it for you.

"sorry. i spaced out for a second," you mumble, and busy yourself by searching for a new bowl, seeing as the one in the foyer was still somewhat filled with popcorn.

"you really need to take breaks more often, y/n. i feel like the stress of constantly being on the go is getting you," donghyun echoes from behind you and for some reason, the concern in his voice makes you ashamed and angry more than anything else.

easy for you to say donghyun, you want to say. everything comes easy to you. you didn't fuck up like i did. you don't have to fight everyday to make sure that you actually have a future worth living for because you weren't young and stupid.

but all you actually say is, "yeah, you're definitely right."

you avoid donghyun's heavy gaze as you pour the popcorn into the bowl, silently willing him to go back to the foyer so you could simmer in your embarrassment in peace but to your dismay, he doesn't leave.

"you're incredibly intelligent and hard-working. but if you don't give yourself a break sometimes, you're just going to burn out. i wish you'd come back to us sometimes. you can't ruin your present for your future," he says softly, and suddenly everything is just too much.

his words strike a chord in your mind somewhere and you can feel your strong front start to crumble.

you want to yell at him, scream that he had no right to tell you how to live your life and that you were going to lay in the pile of sins that you'd committed. but for some reason, all you can do is try and fight back tears.

it makes you feel so incredibly embarrassed that you'd worked so hard for the past two years to ensure that you'd never slip up. that your mistakes from freshman year and the first half of sophomore year wouldn't catch up to you.

you'd worked on yourself, working on controlling your lust for going out and having fun. on not getting affected by when people would ask you to come out with them, only to reject them for fear of what would happen to your academics. you'd worked on not showing any signs of being tired or scared of your future.

just to cry. just to cry here in front of donghyun in sanghyeok's kitchen. not in the privacy of your home where no one could see you. but the exact place in front of the exact person that you didn't want to see you cry at all.

you hastily wipe at your tears, willing them to stay in the confinement of your eyes before you could let them fall in a place that would deliver such a blow to your ego or your social standing.

donghyun is taken aback, you can tell by the way that his usually impassive face has a hint of worry written into the lines of his forehead that crinkle as he watches you try to put yourself together.

"can you give this popcorn to the others? i just need to use the restroom really quickly," you whisper hoarsely, not daring to look at donghyun in the eyes as you rush out of the kitchen, trying your best to look alright and conceal the fact that you were crying in front of the five other people in the foyer.

you know you're unsuccessful though when you hear footsteps growing louder and louder as they approached the bathroom and it takes every ounce of your strength to keep from crying harder.

"y/n? you okay? you looked kinda hurried going into the bathroom." it's dongmin, and you contemplate for a moment before slowly opening the bathroom door, pulling him in and he immediately wraps you into a hug as soon as he sees your tear-streaked face.

"i'm okay. i just really need a hug right now," you manage to warble out, and dongmin's arms just get tighter around your shoulders. you try to come down, steadying your breathing as you try to keep fresh tears from falling down your cheeks when a knock sounds at the door.

"it's me," donghyun says and you want to curse him out. you want to tell him to leave you alone. that you didn't want to talk to him and that you wanted him to stop judging you and your choices. instead, you lean over, breaking away from dongmin, to click open the bathroom door.

"i'm so sorry," he says softly and you shake your head, giving him a mirthless smile.

"i've just been super high-tension for the past couple of days with all of the submissions and i just - i just kinda fell apart. sorry you had to see that."

donghyun steps forward, and dongmin steps back, letting go of where his arm was resting on your shoulder.

"i didn't mean to make you feel bad, y/n. i was just worried about you. i know what it's like to feel that kind of pressure and i just hated to see one of my...friends in that level of stress," he continues, glancing at dongmin when he says the word friend, and dongmin steps around you in the tiny bathroom to reach the door.

"i'm gonna leave you two alone. don't do anything i would do," he warns with a stupid grin and despite the situation, you find yourself laughing, threatening to throw the toothpaste at him.

"he's so dumb," you say under your breath and donghyun watches you carefully.

"he's a good friend," he remarks and you nod, pulling at the toilet paper to wipe your tears away.

"he's the best friend i could ever ask for," you agree and donghyun's expression doesn't change but his demeanor grows a little more hesitant.

"we all thought you guys were gonna start dating, you know. i mean, he's the one person who stuck by you through everything," he confesses and you immediately shake your head, the very thought of it making you want to gag.

"dongmin and i? no way. he's my best friend but i could never see him as my boyfriend. we're more like siblings than any sort of romantic relation; i'd fax his soul directly to satan if he asked me for my fries but i'd give my kidney to him," you explain and donghyun relaxes a bit, leaning against the wall behind him as he watches you clean yourself up.

"he hasn't talked to you about how much stress you're putting on yourself?"

"i'm doing fine, donghyun. i really do appreciate that you have my best interests in mind but dongmin's the one who's been there for every single step i've made. if he doesn't think that there's an extreme cause for concern, no offense, but i really don't see why you do."

donghyun has nothing to say to that, and although he probably should, he doesn't feel hurt at all. you were right. donghyun knew you as an outsider, compared to dongmin and even sanghyeok, and didn't know how much stress (or lack thereof) there really was in your life.

but he couldn't explain why he was so worried or why he missed your old troublemaking tendencies so much. or why he missed your strange ideas of a good time or unnecessary dialogues during movie nights. he couldn't explain why he missed the heat of your body on cold nights or why he replayed that fateful night in his mind over and over again.

this was the first movie night that you'd been to in a while from donghyun's knowledge but what did he know? he was only at this movie night because dongmin invited the old freshman/sophomore year gang to start their friday movie nights tradition once more instead of them just being sanghyeok, you, and dongmin.

so when you slip past him, not only does donghyun find himself at a loss for words, but he also finds himself more confused than he had been before your conversation.

at least he could figure it (whatever it was) at jaehyun's party tomorrow.

+++

the one redeeming factor of your attendance of jaehyun's party in exchange for dongmin's sexcapades, in your opinion, was that it was not in fact hosted in a musty basement.

jaehyun had taken it upon himself to host his party in the penthouse of his apartment (rich people had the strangest ways of spending their money), which was definitely a step up from what you were expected.

unfortunately, the sheer number of people in that party who were present, on top of the number of people who were surprised at your presence was more than a little bit overwhelming.

you'd forgotten just how loud these parties got, and if you weren't already over the legal drinking age, you'd be extremely worried about being caught dead near this many drunk people.

not that you hadn't done your fair share of illegal consumption of ethanol but that was something you chose not to dwell upon.

"Y/N! I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH SINCE YESTERDAY!" you hear someone scream over the obnoxiously loud music, and immediately, your vision goes black as jaehyun bearhugs you, clearly too drunk to be fully present in the situation at hand.

"jaehyun! happy birthday!" you manage to squeak out, hitting dongmin in the arm to pry jaehyun off of you. you'd convinced dongmin to stick with you the whole time during the party in exchange for you actually showing up and he'd declared that he'd serve as your bodyguard during jaehyun's party for times like these.

"alright bud, i don't think she's ever gonna come back to a party if you squeeze her to death," dongmin warns jaehyun, peeling the energetic boy off of you. jaehyun pouts, not looking unlike his dog (the cutest golden retriever named juno) as he shakes his head stubbornly.

"no! she has to come back! she's so much fun! she's the life of the party!" he exclaims, searching through the throng of people for a cup of whatever nasty concoction you were sure sungho had come up with.

you should've known better than to come to this party, you lament. any of jaehyun's parties always turned into ragers from the absolutely insane number of people that he knew.

but soon enough, jaehyun is shoving a cup into your hand, the suspicious liquid in it sloshing around dangerously as he teeters backward into a tall figure.

"careful, dude. you don't want to end up in the emergency room on your birthday again," the figure says, catching jaehyun's body in his arm.

you internally groan. donghyun.

"ugh no. i hated going to the emergency room last year for my birthday," jaehyun whines with a strong tone of sheer pout staining his words.

"that's what i thought. where's sungho?" donghyun asks, and you figure that sungho must've been put on jaehyun duty for the night, as the man was a total lightweight and was known for endangering himself more than anyone else whenever he had a single drop of alcohol in his system.

"sungho! OH MY GOD SUNGHO!" jaehyun yells, slipping out of donghyun's grasp in search of his more than likely tired friend.

"that guy needs a girlfriend," dongmin sighs and you roll your eyes.

"why? so some poor girl can get tasked with dealing with jaehyun's mess every time he gets drunk?"

"nah. every time jaehyun gets a girlfriend, he turns into such a clean drunk it's crazy. i think he subconsciously feels bad that his girlfriend has to take care of him so he does it on purpose," donghyun explains and you hum, examining the substance in your cup with a critical eye.

you never knew that jaehyun had had a girlfriend. or more than one girlfriend at that. you were pretty close with jaehyun once upon a time. why hadn't he told you when he started dating someone? had you really become that out of touch with your friends?

all because you decided that you didn't want to party anymore?

no. that wasn't it. your friends weren't people like that. it was probably because you declined every single invitation that they'd extended to you to hang out with them.

a guilty weight settles in your chest as you start thinking about just how many times your friends had invited you to do things with them over the past year and a half. in the moment, you'd always had something that you needed to do. something to submit, something to do for extra credit, something to do to get better grades.

but now that you looked back on the past year and a half, you could only remember the events they'd invited you to, and just a handful of truly important assignments you'd needed to submit.

"you don't need to drink that," donghyun says, extending his hand for you to deposit the drink into. dongmin looks between you and donghyun, confused by the sudden offer. donghyun never went black knight for anyone else - much less women he wasn't all that close to.

even when you were a well integrated member of their friend group, you had never been particularly close to donghyun, from what dongmin remembered. the two of you were close enough to embark on drunken adventures separate from the group maybe once or twice but definitely not close enough to mention those adventures to dongmin in explicit detail.

not close enough for donghyun to drink a drink for you.

it's clear that you think the same thing (for different reason, however) when you lift the cup to your lips, staring at donghyun straight in the eyes as you tip your head back, drinking all of the contents of the cup in one straight go.

donghyun smirks, watching you drink the whole cup, aware that you were proving a point to him.

you don't need to keep trying to worry for me. i can handle myself.

the message is clear in your eyes as you lock eyes with him, wiping the excess liquid on your lips with the back of your hand, the challenge explicit in the way you look at him.

"too much pride is no good for you," donghyun quips and you roll your eyes.

"it's not pride. i just know that i can handle my alcohol. i don't need you to worry about me or worry about whether i can or not," you retort. "you worry about me when i study too much. you worry about me when i party. when are you not worried about me donghyun? why are you even so worried in the first place?"

"because we used to be good friends," donghyun counters but his argument isn't all that strong, by the way his voice wavers when you step a step too close to him - so close that he can smell the cinnamon of your perfume.

"were we? we were friends, sure. but were we good friends, donghyun? we just went out together. we hung out with the group but we weren't all that close. not...not until... not close enough for you to be suddenly popping back into my life with advice that i don't need and i didn't ask for!" you can't help but raise your voice, searching blindly for dongmin's arm and dragging him with you, chest heaving in anger as you storm away from donghyun.

"what the hell?" dongmin is left to ponder. "has the alcohol already kicked in?"

+++

"don't talk to me right now," you seethed, pushing at donghyun's chest as you walked faster towards the rest of your friends, somewhere further up the street, laughing and shoving each other.

"i don't even know what i did!" donghyun exclaimed, using those stupidly long legs so that he was walking backwards, face to face with you. "why are you so fucking mad at me?"

"you seriously don't know?" you yelled, and you saw dongmin turn around to see what was taking the two of you so long, unaware of the bomb he'd dropped, but he's turned back around just as fast by sungho, who had an extremely drunk jaehyun on his back and clearly needed dongmin's help carrying their lightweight friend who was a heavyweight in body weight when drunk.

"i seriously don't know!" donghyun repeated, his arms flying up to show you how frustrated he was. of course he didn't know. there was no way that he could know just how upset you were with his perfection. of course dongmin had to mention that donghyun had a 4.0 gpa. of course he could come out every night with you and your friends and still maintain that gpa.

of course he didn't have to worry about whether he would even get a job in the future because he'd failed a class or two. of course he could go out every night. of course he could drink his weight in alcohol and still function the next day. of course he could get any girl he wanted just by looking at them for a second too long.

"i hate you," you whispered, almost as if the words had escaped the dark recesses of your mind against your own will.

"what?" donghyun asked incredulously, swooping down to catch the noxious words falling from your painted lips.

"i said, i hate you." your eyes were fierce, shining with a dangerous light that donghyun had never expected from you and had never seen before. you looked like the picture of peril, a knife poised at his throat, threatening to draw blood.

it was an emotion that was so raw that donghyun found himself leaning even closer, absolutely intoxicated by the reckless way that you refuse to hide the challenge in your eyes.

"are you guys coming or what?" sanghyeok call out from where the rest of your friends were, some ten yards ahead of you. donghyun waved him off, his stare never leaving yours.

"we're going back to my place. i've gotta show y/n something," donghyun yelled back and you can't help the sneer that draws upon your lips and if donghyun weren't beyond turned on, he was sure that he would find it a little concerning.

it wasn't everyday, after all, that one of your good friends mentions that she despises you. especially not a good friend that you found incredibly attractive.

the rest of them turned back around, leaving you and donghyun to simmer in this strange energy. competition, charged with something else much more primal - anger and lust.

the entire walk to donghyun's place is silent. it was just a five minute walk from where you'd split from your friends but those five minutes feel excruciating as you feel a dark sense of excitement sit deep in your core, making you feel split in two directions.

the first direction was much more logical: you were jealous of donghyun's ability to handle it all and you wanted to just yell at him and scream until your throat went hoarse.

the second direction was stronger and much less logical: you were incredibly drawn to donghyun and you wanted him to fuck your throat until it went hoarse.

same end goal, but different ways of pursuit.

the second direction ends up winning out when you found yourself pressed up against donghyun's door the second you step out of the elevator and into his studio apartment, donghyun walking you backwards so that you shut the door with the movement.

his lips stayed tantalizingly close to yours as he reached up to lock the door, his hand falling down so that it was cupping your cheek and his eyes search yours, looking for any sign of discomfort.

"look, are you going to fuck me or not?" you whispered harshly and he barks out a laugh, his other hand moving from where it was resting by his side to caress your waist.

"you've got so much anger in you, y/n. what did i do for you to hate me so much?"

"does it matter? i'm telling you to fuck me. either i leave without a heart to heart and you can jerk yourself off or i leave without a heart to heart but you cum inside a pussy tonight instead of your hand," you bit back.

donghyun's breath was shallow as he assessed you, making sure that you were in the right mind and could make decisions for yourself. if you really knew what you were asking for.

the thought of it pissed you off.

"i just don't know if this is a good idea," he admitted and you straightened up, hand reaching next to you to turn the doorknob. you didn't need someone who was going to be so apprehensive. so now you weren't even good enough to fuck?

"i'm leaving then," you said donghyun's hand immediately covered your own, pulling it back and over his shoulder so that one of your hands was resting at the nape of his neck.

you circled the other one to link your arms around his neck, forcing him to bend even further so that he was eye level with you now, lips so close that he can practically taste the flavor of your lip gloss.

"do you want me to leave donghyun? do you think this a bad idea?" you asked, purposefully letting the venom of all of your emotions drip into your voice. you're being unfair, you knew that, but it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter when he was so close and yet so far from you and you couldn't even think straight.

"fuck you." his voice ghosted over your lips, and the two of you stayed like that for a moment, equally proud and unwilling to be the one to give in and kiss in the other.

but donghyun's patience clearly wasn’t as strong as your ego when his lips pressed against yours, too gentle for your taste. you wrapped your arms a little tighter around him, letting him rest his hands low on your back, still too careful.

"i said i hated you and this is the best retaliation you've got?" you whispered, and it's like a switch turns on in donghyun's brain. his hands leave their position on your back to cup your cheeks harshly, tilting your head up so he could kiss you deeper.

you sigh against his lips, a smirk tugging at your own as you finally achieve the level of animosity you were looking for. you didn't want to have sex with donghyun. you didn't want to make love with him.

you wanted to be fucked. ruined. unable to think straight.

which was why you let him kiss you stupid, your lips swollen from the force of his own. it was as though the two of you were inseparable; his hands roamed your body freely, claiming every square inch of it for himself.

he tugged you forward harshly, lips never detaching from yours, hands reaching lower and lower until they finally settled on your ass, and you couldn't help the shallow gasp that left your mouth when he squeezed experimentally, a cocky grin melting into your kiss when he hears the soft noise.

he turned the two of you so that you were walking backwards as donghyun walked you into his bedroom, finally pulling away when your knees buckled as they hit the bed, making you fall backwards onto it.

he didn't even give you a moment to think as his lips descended on you once more, even more insistent and rough than before as he let you slip his leather jacket off his body.

his lips left yours, descending further down your body until they reached the hem of your strapless top, leaving wet kisses and blooming bruises in a heady rush.

"y/n, you have to tell me if you want me to stop." donghyun's voice came out strained and you knew that he was exercising every bit of self control to keep from fucking you stupid.

unfortunately, that was exactly what you wanted from him.

"donghyun. i'm not going to say it again. fuck me stupid."

that was all he needed before he was practically ripping at your top, pulling it off of you harshly before diving in to suck hickeys down your chest, unbuttoning your jeans at the same time.

he tugged them off in one motion, leaving you in nothing but a bandeau bra and your underwear.

"thought you were gonna get lucky tonight?" he asked with an eyebrow raised as he looked at your panties - which were fortunately, and unfortunately, the sexiest ones that you owned. lacy and thin and everything.

"yeah. thought i was gonna finally fuck sunghoon park again. that man knows how to fuck a girl into the headboard," you retorted and you could tell that you'd gotten under your skin by the way that he reached forward to pull at the strap of your panties, letting the elastic snap against your waist with a painful sting.

"you're such a little brat. you need someone to fuck that attitude out of you. didn't know you had such a fucking dirty mouth on you," donghyun growls, and you would've come up with some equally as brutal response when donghyun pulled his shirt over his head with one hand.

you'd seen donghyun shirtless before. multiple times, honestly, with the number of times dongmin tries to pull you guys into random bodies of water whenever he got drunk. but seeing him in that moment felt like your blood was made of lava that was coursing through your body, rushing to settle in your core.

"you're so pretty but you're so bitchy sometimes, you know that?" donghyun taunted, hovering over you so that his gold necklace hit the bridge of his nose as he leaned over, pushing you up the bed so that your head hit the pillows.

"heard someone was gonna fuck the attitude out of me?"

donghyun smiled a wolfish smile, and pulled your underwear down, almost painfully slow as he watched you squirm, clearly unhappy with his pace.

he threw them behind him somewhere that you knew you were going to have to search for in the morning but it didn't matter in that moment.

no. all that mattered was that donghyun's lips were on your core, licking an experimental stripe, grinning proudly when he saw you shiver. he dove back in, enthused by the groans leaving your lips.

his lips were unrelenting, his tongue darting out to dip into your pussy, leaving you at his mercy. your hands reached out to tug on donghyun's hair insistently, incredibly overwhelmed by just how good he was making you feel.

"fuck. pull harder," he groaned, his hot breath fanning over your pussy, causing goosebumps to run up your spine.

you giggle, a sound that sounds out of place in such a situation, but you didn't care and obliged, pulling on his hair even harder. he groaned, leaning in to eat you out with even more vigor, his hands on your clit and rubbing at it in just the right motion. you'd laugh at his conflict if you weren't otherwise preoccupied with the hot ball of pleasure growing in your core.

donghyun watched you carefully as he pulled away, instead replacing his tongue with just one finger, waiting to see if you'd show any signs of discomfort. when you didn't, he moved his finger in and out slowly, adding another when he noticed you started to get impatient with his ministrations.

"trust me, there's nothing i want to do more than to fuck you dumb. but i can't do that if i can't be convinced that i'm not to break you in half with my cock," he whispered.

"i don't think you're big enough for that," you snarked back and donghyun just offered you a shit-eating grin and added another finger, watching for any sign that you might tap out. holy fuck. was he actually that fucking big?

he picked up the pace, fucking you faster and rougher, his fingers slipping out for just a moment as he adjusted himself so that he was laying next to you before continuing again at an even more brutal pace.

"fuck!" you can't help but yelp, one of your hands finding one of donghyun's, as his fingers move at almost mind-numbing speeds.

"i told you someone needed to fuck the attitude out of you. now look what you've done to yourself," he crowed almost condescendingly. if you weren't so blinded by the sheer pleasure of his fingers, you'd probably cuss him out.

"fuck, fuck, fuck! fuck donghyun i think i'm gonna cum!" you cried out.donghyun simply nodded at you, and you took that as a sign to cum. but just as you start to feel yourself topple over the edge of the cliff you were standing on into the pit of pleasure, donghyun rips your pleasure away from you.

he pulled his fingers out of your pussy, watching you squirm and convulse as your hips bucked pathetically, searching for some way to taste the pleasure you were so close to attaining.

"baby doll, you should've known better than to assume that i'd let you cum for the first time on my fingers rather than my cock," donghyun preened mockingly, kicking his own jeans off in the same motion as his briefs.

"fuck you, donghyun." it was all you managed to conjure up through your tears as you tried to catch your breath, only to have to wind knocked out of you once more when you caught sight of donghyun's cock.

"oh hell no, that's not going inside my pussy," you gasped, and donghyun smiled despite himself, and ran his fingers over your hair gently.

"it's big but that's why i prepped you so much, isn't it?" his tone makes it clear that there's no real question in his words. you were the one who'd said you wanted to be fucked stupid. donghyun was the one to make good on that wish.

"just go slow," you grumbled and donghyun nodded, lining up at your entrance carefully.

"can't promise that i'll go slow for too long - fuck!" donghyun cut himself off as he slipped the tip of his dick into your hot core and immediately, both of you let out a groan.

if just his tip was enough to make you feel a stretch after he ate you out and fingered you, you had no idea how you were going to fit the rest of him inside you.

if just the entrance of your pussy was enough to have donghyun's head spinning, he had no idea how he was going to fit the rest of him inside you without immediately coming.

he slid in slowly, forearms resting on either side of your face for stability, that stupid gold chain smacking you in the face with his every slight movement.

it would feel degrading if you weren't turned on beyond belief, you were pretty sure.

"god," you let out softly and donghyun couldn't help but agree as he sheathed himself completely inside you. if donghyun would be allowed to see the pearly gates of heaven, he was vaguely sure that it would feel a lot like this.

"tell me when i can move," he grit out, exercising his self-control to the fullest he's ever had to.

"you can move," you whimpered, equally close to losing your mind.

he pulled out so that just the tip was in your pussy before snapping his hips forward, knocking the breath out of you with the motion. he continued that agonizingly slow  until both of you got fed up, and finally picked up the pace.

"your pussy is perfect, you know that?" he growled, fucking into you with fluid and quick motions that make you feel as though you've established permanent residence on cloud nine.

"you're not too bad yourself," you huffed out and a short breath leaves donghyun as his movements grow harsher.

"clearly i'm not doing a good job of fucking you stupid if you can respond to me," he said.

he made good on his promise that night, fucking into you deep and rough until you both came in a symphony of moans, chests heaving as he collapsed next to you, utterly spent.

maybe if you'd said something other than what you did in that moment, things wouldn't have turned out this way. but the reality was that it was those words that ultimately dug you into your grave.

you finally spoke some ten minutes later, when your brain wasn't so fuzzy you didn't know where to pick words from.

"i wish you weren't so fucking perfect, donghyun. i just can't...just forget this happened. please. it's not like we're going to get into a relationship because of this. and i don't want to face our friends right now. so just forget any of this happened."

you'd gathered your clothes and dashed out of his apartment, the buzz from earlier in the night completely gone, along with any chance of donghyun ever figuring out why from that day onwards, you'd started completely avoiding your friends and your past, running towards a future you so desperately wanted to grasp, even if you didn't know how to.

and as he fell back against his sheets, facing the ceiling, donghyun realized just one thing: something in you had changed. but was it for the better or for the worse?

+++

dongmin lets out a low whistle, followed by a crinkle of his nose.

"you could've let out the explicit details, you know," he bemoans, pressing his hands over his ears, as though he could reverse time and delete the story you'd revealed to him from his mind by doing so.

"you said you wanted to the whole truth on why i was being so bitchy to dongmin," you point out and dongmin inclines his head towards you, pulling his knees a little closer to his chest.

"you were kinda unnecessarily bitchy, though, you have to admit. but what i really asked was why donghyun decided to go all black knight on you, to which i still haven't received a proper explanation.," dongmin corrects and you shrug, accepting the packet of gummy bears that dongmin had produced from his back pocket.

in freshman year, you'd become infamous for chasing your shots of vodka (the only alcohol you chose to drink, other than whiskey) with candy and ever since then, at least one of your friends would always carry a packet of some sort of sweet candy on them for you.

"you brought gummy bears for me?" you ask, touched as you rip the packet open, the perfect level of fuzziness buzzing through your head.

"sungho brought gummy bears for you," dongmin says softly and you look at him surprisedly. "when i told him you were coming to jaehyun's party, he told me that he needed to be prepared. they all miss hanging out with you and going out with you, you know."

"they miss hanging out with who i used to be. i don't think that they'd want to hang out with me now," you snort and dongmin immediately slaps your knee, shaking his head.

"you've gotta stop doing that."

"doing what?"

"doing the whole 'woe is me' act when you just grew up. we all grew up, y/n. maybe you haven't seen it because you've been so busy in your own world, trying to make up for the past but we've all grown up right besides you," dongmin rants, getting up from where he was sitting on your balcony, starting to pace back and forth.

"when you pulled away from us, you know how confused we all were? it was like one day, you were laughing and making jokes with us and the next day, you suddenly hated us. you stopped coming to our hangouts, stopped initiating plans, fuck, you didn't even come to sungho's birthday last year!

"we thought that we did something to piss you off. we interrogated donghyun for weeks but he was just as confused as the rest of us. and then i realized just how lonely you were by yourself. you think i didn't notice how you'd watch us hangout in the library without you? about how you left that stupid neck pillow for sanghyeok when you saw him staying up late studying? or when you paid for jaehyun's coffee when you knew he was having a bad day?

"i was the only one who saw all that. so when everyone asked me when i didn't drop you like you dropped us, i didn't know how to explain that you didn't drop us, but you were just going the wrong way about chasing after your future. i didn't want to out you and make you feel as though you needed to stop taking care of everyone behind their backs because i still wanted you to be with us.

"we all cared about you so much. that's why i've been here the whole time. i've been the only one in front of you but the same way that you've been taking care of everyone else, everyone has been taking care of you. who do you think lends me his car whenever i need to come to your place because you're having a bad day and need a shoulder to cry on? sanghyeok. who always keeps the pantry stocked with your favorite snacks in case you might come around one day? sungho.

"who always points out clothing whenever we go shopping and says 'y/n would love this shirt!', just to get upset when he realized you weren't there to respond? jaehyun. who would always nudge me to go and check on you because he was worried that you were putting too much stress on yourself? donghyun. even jihyo and jayoon ask about you and keep asking us if maybe you'd come over more often since there were more girls hanging out with us now.

"i'm not telling you all this because i want you to feel bad. i just needed to tell you because we've all been caring about you this whole time but you've just never let us in, when we've been knocking at the door, just waiting for you to finally open the door. and you just won't because you're so scared of coming back to us!" his chest is heaving at the end of his rant and you can't help it, leaping to your feet as you let your voice grow louder and louder, scratchy with emotion.

"i am scared dongmin! i'm so fucking scared, i can't even think straight! i miss all of you so much and i'm so scared that i'll fall into the trap of loving you all so much that that's all i spend my time doing and i'll neglect all of the hard work i've been putting in for so long to reverse the mistakes of my past!" you scream and dongmin steps even closer, clearly not backing down from this fight.

"and what kind of future are you going to have when you turn around and see that we've all moved on without you? i can't fucking move on without you because you're like my sister; i can't imagine a life without you but what about everyone else? how long do you think everyone's gonna be waiting for you?"

"i didn't ask them to wait for me!" you shout and dongmin runs his hand through his hair frustratedly, turning so that you wouldn't see the anger on his face.

"BUT THEY DID! THEY ALL DID! they all waited for you because they - we all love you, you stubborn piece of shit! all you had to do was tell us you were feeling this way! all you had to fucking do was talk to us and ask for help. but you pushed us away when you needed us most and now look!" dongmin points at the empty space around you, forcing himself to overlook your watery eyes. "look at who's here besides me? you know jaehyun would've wrapped you in a hug, that sungho would've immediately offered to study with you. that sanghyeok would've stayed up with you, even if he didn't need to. that i would sneak food into the library with you! that donghyun would literally sit down and tutor you if you needed him to."

he swallows when you finally break down, sobs wracking your body as your fists clench into balls at your sides, stubbornly refusing to take the one step you would need to for dongmin to wrap you into a safe hug, like the ones that jaehyun always gave you.

but it's okay, because dongmin takes that step for you, wrapping you in a tight hug that makes you finally feel like you can take a breath through the tears that feel like are choking you from inside out.

"i just wanted to be good enough for all of you. i wanted to come back when i was good enough and i thought i could be someone everyone wanted to be around if i was good enough," you sob and dongmin can feel his heart break as his embrace grows tighter.

"you're good enough the way that you are, y/n. you know how much you've inspired everyone? i've even started studying for tests the day before the test, instead of the hour before!" dongmin exclaims, feeling a little more relaxed when he hears you laugh through your sobs.

"that's not much better," you warble and dongmin just shrugs, never letting go of you.

"it's better than the hour before the test."

"dongmin? for the record, i don't think that i'm the only one who grew up. i know that everyone grew up. i just..."

"i know."

"i wish you were my actual brother."

"if i was your actual brother, i probably would've spit on you by now."

"what the hell."

+++

you wait nervously in dongmin's room as you hear people begin to file into the apartment, a jumble of familiar voices as jihyo and jaehyun begin bickering once again about something or another.

it was just a matter of time before the two of them started dating, you figured.

dongmin was betting on three weeks and you were betting on three months. something about the slow-burn of it all was appealing to you. dongmin insisted that fanfiction was just rotting your brain.

you let out a breath of air and dongmin flicks you on the side of your head, and you fix him with a mean glare as you rub the spot that he'd hit.

"they're just your friends, y/n. you don't need to be that nervous. you've been looking forward to this all week," he reminds you and you just nod, still rubbing the spot.

after the emotional conversation/argument with dongmin last week, you'd asked to come to the next movie night, wanting to start spending more time with your friends. and although you knew that it wouldn't be the exact same as it once was, it would never be and that was a good thing.

balance was a good thing.

"dongmin? where are you, motherfucker? i can't believe you made me buy you three different types of sour gummies, fatass!" you hear sanghyeok yell from the other room and dongmin takes this as his cue to drag you into the room with him.

"i only wanted one type. y/n wanted the other two. still wanna call me a fatass?"

dongmin doesn't get an answer to his question because no sooner has he said the words do jihyo and jaehyun bound over to you (not looking too much unlike juno) and wrapping you into nearly bone-crushing hugs.

"dongmin told us that you were going to be more available to hang out with us more and more and these two - " sungho cuts himself off to grab jaehyun by the scruff and jihyo by the collar of her shirt. " - have been a little too excited since he said so."

"we've missed you so much!" jihyo exclaims.

"you saw her last week," jaehyun mutters, groaning when jihyo smacks him upside the head.

"so did you but that didn't stop you either, now did it?"

"you're such a little bi - "

"alright. let's stop while we're ahead and just be happy that y/n's back with us, how about that?" dongmin proposes, the voice of reason for once in his life. jihyo and jaehyun exchange a dirty look (albeit, a very childish one) before the two of them sit down, leaving just you and dongmin standing awkwardly, as though you were about to give a presentation.

"uh. thanks for having me back guys. i kinda don't know what to say other than the fact that i'm sorry for leaving so abruptly. i struggled with hanging out with you guys and balancing a good gpa on top of that so i made some really stupid choices but i promise that i won't hide those stupid choices from you guys anymore. i just - i've just really missed you guys." your little speech clearly moves more than one person to tears but before jaehyun can try to deliver death by hug once more, sanghyeok claps his hands, pulling up some streaming platform or another on the television.

"thanks for that touching speech, y/n. now if you could get the fuck out of the way, we need to vote on a movie. your vote only counts as half a vote since you've missed more than two movie nights but you're welcome to rally for full membership after attendance of two more movie nights," sanghyeok announces and you roll your eyes, before looking for a spot.

dongmin's caught up in some conversation about that girl from your class with jayoon (undoubtedly doing some background research; as if he could find out anything that would make him actually keep it in his pants) and everyone else's spot is taken, leaving just an empty space next to donghyun.

i'm a big girl. i don't need to sit next to dongmin for everything. donghyun is still your friend at the end of the day. that you fucked. and was the last time that you had sex. and was also the best sex you'd ever had. but just a friend! haha. just a friend.

not the best dialogue to be running through one's mind during their re-debut into civil society (read: friend group) but you manage to divert your mind before it delves into dangerous territory.

"we're still friends," donghyun murmurs from beside you and you turn, despite your common sense telling you otherwise, to see him looking at you with the most genuine and twinkly eyes that you have to swallow and force yourself to turn once more to face the television set.

"yeah. friends," you repeat, softer than he'd said it and you can feel his stupidly sweet gaze on the side of your face.

+++

spending more time with your friends was nothing like how you thought it would be. for starters, it turned out that your friends themselves didn't have too much time to use as expendable time to just fuck around, like you used to in freshman year.

as juniors and seniors, most of your friends were occupied with their classes and their work, as opposed to the lighter coursework in earlier years. on top of that, many of them were either in relationships or were pursuing someone (or many someones, in dongmin's case) so there was more time eaten up by that as well.

but the time that all of you did spend together was much more domestic. equally as chaotic, as you'd discovered when you'd gone grocery shopping with just jaehyun and jihyo and no adult supervision from sungho (who'd trusted you to be the adult supervision), but less shenanigans than before.

instead of finding street signs to steal off the road to stash in dorm rooms, the friendship that had developed between your friends had gotten much more real, and there were more nights that you can count where at least one of you was staying up late to finish something so the rest of you were stuck helping them.

even staying up late to finish projects was more comforting with the presence of your friends, though, and you were so grateful that you'd come back to them. that they'd accepted you with open arms.

you'd had conversations with each of them one on one at some point or another, detailing why you'd left them so abruptly and asking for forgiveness but more often than not, you'd just gotten scolded for ever thinking that they wouldn't give you a chance to explain yourself.

"you were such a good friend to us for so long," sanghyeok had said. "you don't think we would just drop you when you're going through a rough patch, right?"

of course, that had led to another round of tears (which jayoon witnessed and went ham on sanghyeok for making you cry, which made you cry even harder because god, what country had sanghyeok saved for such an amazing girlfriend) but that was besides the point.

in fact, you'd made amends with pretty much everyone except for donghyun. you could see him waiting for you - waiting for you to reach out to him and explain yourself like you'd done so with everyone else, but for some reason, you just couldn't.

partly out of guilt, but also partly out of shame. you just couldn't help but avoid him.

it was easy to do so when it was all of you, since you could always rely on dongmin and sanghyeok to keep your attention otherwise occupied. but when it was just the two of you, after everyone has left the library to do things other than study for their innumerable tests, you can always feel the apology bubbling in your chest, threatening to break free.

but it never does. it never does and you know you're going to regret it.

you didn't have romantic feelings for donghyun, no. but he was someone that you could develop romantic feelings for and someone like that didn't deserve to think that you just hated him for no reason. because just going off of what had happened last year, donghyun really had no reason to think that you felt any emotion towards him other than hatred. and your actions prior to making amends with your friends didn't do much to dissuade that thought either.

which is why you didn't understand why he was still treating you with so much kindness. you were fairly sure that he wasn't head over heels in love with you or anything (especially since he's also had a good many girlfriends ever since your encounter) but you also couldn't come up with any other reason for his understanding.

he'd been the first one out of everyone to come and actually talk to you, four months ago in that study room, even at the risk of you pushing him away once more. he was the one that was most likely to be pushed away and he still looked after you, cared for you, and worried for you.

"you don't have feelings for me, do you?" you blurt out, immediately slapping a palm over your own mouth. donghyun looks up from the tablet his taking notes on with furrowed eyebrows.

"what?" he asks incredulously and you furiously shake your head, looking rather comical with your hand still covering your mouth.

"nothing. forget i said anything." you wince as you look back down at your book, ensuring that the references lined up with direct quotations as you mentally bash yourself. stupid, stupid, stupid. so you won't say that you're sorry but you'll do this? just be grateful no one else is here to see this catastrophe.

"i don't have feelings for you," he clarifies and you nod, unable to meet his eyes. of course he didn't have feelings for you. that would be so dumb. when you didn't have feelings for him, why should he have feelings for you? right?

so why did your heart just feel the tiniest bit tight in your chest?

"i don't have feelings for you but i used to search for you in every single party. even before we...we did whatever we did that night. i used to always look for you first. and i always used feel so happy just looking at you smile," he says. you look up, confused by his statement now. donghyun's looking right at you with those horribly confusing, glittery eyes and you feel your breath catch in your throat for a split second.

"what?"

"i said i don't have feelings for you. but when you pulled away from all of us, i just couldn't help but think if i did something wrong. if i did something to push you away. and i realized that i would rather have you hate me, i would rather have you push me away every time i come close, or even use me to vent your stress however you need rather than have you walk away once and for all," he continues and you feel that same tightness in your chest as he speaks, heat rising up your spine as it sits uncomfortably in your cheeks.

"i just wish you'd stayed that night. i could've convinced you to tell me all your fears and all your worries and i could've just gotten rid of them for you instead of you holding onto them for so long in your own mind," he finishes and you sit there in silence, unable to piece together any thoughts.

"so, uh, you don't have any feelings for me?" you confirm and donghyun rolls his eyes, and for just a split-second you see the dangerous glint that you remember from that night.

"you're an english lit major and you can't tell that i'm telling you that i have feelings for you?" donghyun teases and you just stare at him dumbly.

"i thought you said that you didn't have feelings?"

"and you said that you hated me."

"i don't hate you."

"i know."

and that's all the confirmation you need to spring forward from your seat, pressing a kiss to donghyun's lips. just as soft and as perfect as you'd remembered.

he reaches forward to cup your cheek, molding his lips against yours gently as you try to pour every single emotion you can into a single kiss.

"i don't hate you," you whisper, leaning your forehead against his, still standing up somewhat awkwardly due to the desk in between the two of you.

"i know," he repeats. "and i know that you don't feel the same way as i do. not as strongly as i do, at least. and i just want you to know that i'll wait."

"you'll wait for me?" you assure and donghyun nods, his hand reaching up to pat your head gently.

"i'll wait for you to take me back as a friend first and then we can figure out the rest."

"what if i'm never ready to put a label on our relationship?"

"then i'll just be here with you. i don't need a label for my feelings."

+++

it's not perfect. for all his perfection, donghyun kim had heaps of flaws. he was surprisingly 'needy' and felt anxious when you weren't with him for extended periods of time.

and when jaehyun, sanghyeok, and sungho graduated, you realized that it extended to far more than just you. for someone so stoic and poised, it turned out that donghyun was extremely soft-hearted and could care for nothing more than to have his loved ones around him for as long as he could hold onto them for.

it proved to be a little difficult, given that after your departure from your friend group, you'd gotten used to a certain level of independence and affinity for your own personal space that donghyun just didn't understand sometimes. but the two of you worked on it, because you loved each other even as just friends too much to not work on it.

there'd been points where you were sure that the two of you would just have to be friends and move on with life because of how hard it all was. you could never let go of donghyun fully; all of you were just too great of friends to ever be able to keep out of each other's lives completely.

but all's well that ends well, and you and donghyun learned to work through those issues. your affinity for running away when things got rough and donghyun's tendency to latch on harder every time you guys faced an issue was something that took months of serious discussion and communication to get through.

dongmin was the mediator more than once whenever the two of you got into arguments (you exploding at donghyun and donghyun just sitting quietly, making you even more upset before the two of you calmed down and worked things out) and it helped to have him around.

the one good thing was that your relationship, however imperfect it was, spurred dongmin to start to settle down and look for a girlfriend himself.

much to your happiness, and dongmin's chagrin, there weren't many girls on campus willing to date someone with such a reputation but that just meant that dongmin put in more effort to convince them that he was a changed man.

it was a good look on him, you'd told donghyun one day. dongmin suited having someone in his life that he had to work to please and someone who liked him regardless of his clumsy attempts at love and cared for him fully.

the three (four, when dongmin met his girlfriend) of you stuck together throughout the rest of college. there were still uncountable numbers of allnighters trying to make sure that you were maintaining your grades but it turns out, you could balance both having fun and being academically strong.

you could spend time with your friends and your boyfriend without having to worry about whether you'd be able to secure a job after college because of your gpa. it was nice, not feeling like there was a huge demon breathing down your neck every time you needed to sit down and study.

it'd taken you a long time to get there, but like all good things, with the help of your loved ones and with some self-work, you developed a healthy relationship with studying and a work-life balance.

oh! and you did end up getting a job. your dream job. right out of college. everyone had been so proud, just like you knew they'd be.

and just like that, years had passed by in the blink of an eye.

the five of you made it a point to reunite at least twice a year, since most of you were in the same country (other than sanghyeok and jayoon, who'd relocated back to south korea to take care of their parents after they got married). even five to six years later, when all of you were reaching the end of your twenties and entering the next phase of life, nothing changed.

"JAEHYUN MYUNG, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME BACK THE TV REMOTE!" jihyo screams from downstairs, and you hear loud footsteps as jaehyun undoubtedly keeps the remote withheld from her.

"i can't believe they're the parents to two children," you snort, blowing on your nails to dry them quicker.

"i can. all that fighting energy has to go somewhere," donghyun retorts and you roll your eyes. he had a point.

"you've got a point. we've been on vacation for three days and they're already in their fourth argument. well. i guess it's just flirting to them," you contemplate, extending your hand to examine your handiwork.

"you thought that fighting was flirting back in college too," donghyun reminds you and you shake your head, looking at donghyun. and just like usual, he's already looking at you, head tucked into his fist as he lies on the bed that the two of you had slept in together for the past five years (vacation was hosted by your family this year).

"it clearly worked on you," you fire back and donghyun smiles a giddy smile.

"you're my weakness. anything you give me works on me," he says in a lovestruck voice and the laugh that escapes you is a real, full-bellied one.

"god. you're such a dork; i love you so much," you sigh, getting up and walking over to where he's lying, climbing onto the bed to wrap your arms around him.

"yeah? wanna channel our energy into making a few babies?" he teases with a greasy tone of voice and squiggly eyebrows.

"you're incorrigible."

"you love it."

"i love it," you agree, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to his lips. you'd liked the darker sides of donghyun and there would always be a side of you that got giddy whenever you saw that side of him.

but you'd always love this more. soft, reassuring, and unconditional love. from him to you and you to him. neither of you needed perfection. you just needed each other. husband and wife. you didn't need those labels, and you'd believed donghyun when he said that he didn't need them for his love either. but it was nice, having everyone know that you had each other for life.

"ARE YOU WHORES COMING OR NOT? WE'RE GONNA START WATCHING WITHOUT YOU!" dongmin yells from downstairs, and you can vaguely hear his fiancée slapping him on the chest and knowing her, she was definitely telling him to shut up and let the two of you make her a niece or nephew.

you laugh, grabbing your husband's hand and leading him downstairs to plop down next to your friends. someone shoves a bucket of popcorn into your arms and you realize how grateful you were for all of the people in your life.

and how glad you were that you'd decided to forge a new path for yourself with your loved ones and with your newfound confidence in yourself.

love and life are always easier with friends and family, after all.

[puckszone]

my musings on how to leave longer & more regular comments on fics:

We all know comments are good - readers have probably heard authors on tumblr talk about how valuable comments are for ages, and I hope most of the authors reading this have felt that validating joy first hand.

But we also all have lives, and only so much energy in a given day. Maybe you have worries about leaving a comment that's too "weird", or "awkward". Maybe you LOVE a fic, but have no idea how to put those strong emotions into words. Maybe you leave short comments, but wish you felt comfortable crafting the paragraph-long detailed comments that some readers gift to their favorite fics.

If you've ever thought about trying to comment more often, or trying to leave longer comments, then here are some ramblings of mine that will (hopefully!) bring comment-inspiration your way.

A quick table of contents:

Lower the mental stakes

How do I comment on porn?!?!?!?

My approach to paragraph-long commenting

My call to action: challenge yourself to go one step further

Lower the mental stakes:

When I first joined a writing discord, I was genuinely blown away at the amount of support and love the HRPF community contains. I was also blown away at the amount of people that were actually reading my works and messaging about them!! It is still one of the coolest feelings ever.

In my mind, this is an example of a "lower stakes" ways to talk about fics: messaging a friend, or a group chat, or a discord server.

It takes a lot less energy for me to type a rambling text about how much I love the fic I'm currently reading vs. typing a cohesive, well-thought out comment for the author themselves.

One of those two options is much more intimidating!

I want so badly to tell the author how much I love their fic, but I'll never find the time to write all the things they deserve to hear!! So the tab sits open on my phone for months, and the comment never gets written.

If you relate to this: try to lower the "mental stakes" of writing your comment. Remember: this is a fun thing!! Fic is fun!! And I promise, you don't have to write the "perfect" comment to make an author's day.

A potential solution: treat the comment box a bit more like a message to your group chat. Not in a rude way - let's stay polite to the writers in our community, and recognize when unsolicited feedback isn't wanted.

But instead of forcing yourself to always have the "perfect" comment, think of something lighter. Think of what you would text to a friend if you were going to send them a link to the fic: maybe "dude this fic is so funny you need to read it", OR "this is INSANELY good", OR "i've been reading this all morning you need to check it out right now".

Then write that!

Comment: "this fic is so funny oh my god. love it!"

Comment: "this is INSANELY good"

Comment: "SCREAMING. I LOVE THIS"

Comment: "i haven't been able to put this done all morning! sooooo good!"

Comment: "i read the first chapter of this fic and instantly knew i had to send it to all my friends. i love this so much!!!"

Also, this might just be personal preference but: a discord message can get lost to time. AO3 is an archive, and comments there are much easier to look back on!!

So send that discord message to the author in a server you're in - they're going to appreciate it so much!! But consider copy-pasting that as a comment in AO3 as well, no matter how short it might be. It means a lot!!

How do I comment on porn?!?!?!?

PWP fics are known to have a large number of hits, with less kudos and even less comments.

Listen. I get it.

Especially in a fandom like HRPF, where many fics are user-locked, it can be intimidating to comment with no chance to hide behind anonymity.

But remember this: anybody who might "see your username" has also clicked into that very same fic and gone alllllll the way to the end. We're all in this together!!! I promise!!

Maybe the actual logistics are difficult for you - how do I leave a comment on an 8k porn-no-plot fic?? how do I explain that I love this fic without making the author uncomfortable?? - so in that case, let me give a few brief ideas for you to work off of.

Some words I like to use a lot: dirty, nasty, HOTTTT, sexy, intimate, vivid.

If you're feeling especially blindsided by the Everything of it all: i like to throw in a good "stupidly hot". "my brain is melting out of my ears". "soooooo dirty nasty hot". "WHEWWWW this is making me feel insane".

Don't overthink it!!!! Speak your truth!!!

And, final point: don't be afraid to highlight specific favorite parts, like you would with any other fic! Say it with your chest! If you liked the frottage, then say "the thigh riding was sooooo stupidly hot". I promise, the author put it in because they also thought the same thing!!!! It's going to make their day (and maybe result in more fics with that same favorite part of yours).

My approach to paragraph-long commenting:

I just want to reiterate: there is no right or wrong way to write a comment. But here's the general breakdown of how I think about leaving more detailed comments, if you want some ideas.

I copy snippets from the fic that call out to me as I read

I go into my clipboard to paste them all into the comment box

I write 1-2 sentences about WHY i copied down that specific snippet

Sometimes, it might be hard to know exactly why you were so affected by a given line. Here's some things you might especially appreciate in a fic:

Characterization: maybe the dialogue felt especially realistic. maybe the character's decisions made a lot of sense to you. maybe the way two characters interact is just exactly how you picture it. write that down in one sentence!! done!

Prose/writing style: maybe the line was a really gorgeous metaphor, piece of dialogue, etc. copy and paste that shit into your comment + add some "!!!"s, or maybe a single sentence like "this is so so gorgeous" or "INSANE metaphor" or "beautiful prose i'm chewing on glass"

The plot: "I have no idea where this is going next, and I can't wait to find out" / "OH MY GOD THE CLIFFHANGER"

The emotions you felt while reading it: this one's an easy one I promise! "the way you wrote [CHARACTER]'s pain hurt sooooo good" / "this is making me feel ill" / "i actually gasped out loud on the bus" / "i'm so nervous for the next chapter" / "i'm SO excited by where this fic is going" / "i teared up reading this"

A long comment will come organically & very easily, even if you only have 2 copy-pasted snippets!! And the author gets to hear very specific feedback about exactly what you're enjoying - that's SO unbelievably rewarding to hear.

So, my personal call to action: challenge yourself to go one step further!

If you don't usually leave comments: try leaving one or two one-line comments this week. Throw in a quick "i love this!!" next to that kudos!

If you usually leave one-line comments: try leaving a couple sentences! describe one specific thing you liked about the fic, or one specific emotion you had.

If you often leave comments on the fics of people you know: try going outside your comfort zone and commenting on a stranger's fic. you got this!

Push yourself one step further, whatever that means for you! It's such a beautiful thing, to be able to read and love and discuss fic in a shared community, and it's worth the effort!

If you've read my ramblings the whole way through: thank you!!!! This was mainly an outlet for me to put all my thoughts into real words, and I sort of can't believe you read all the way through. <3

I welcome any and all additions to this post!!!! The more we talk about commenting, and the more we comment, the more this community grows - and that's a positive thing for all of us, readers and writers alike.

[honeipie]

ANY OTHER WAY

izuku midoryia x reader

synopsis: your son demands answers

authors note: this is the short little ending to the toast little mini series! but honestly their little family is so cute i don’t wanna leave them :((( also thank you to everyone who read, reblogged, and commented. i literally love ur life.

psa: mentions of breastfeeding

one | two | three | four

"my life is a lie!" the voice of your oldest son echoed through the hall and into the living room. you didn't bat an eye as his antics, because you knew every time he went to hang out at his uncle denki and aunt jirou's house he came home talking about some new crazy story. though he'd usually wait to talk about it until he was in the same room as you all.

izuku and yutaka, your middle child, raised their heads at the sound of the door slamming behind him.

"koji, you've barely stepped through the door and you're already yelling. mayuka was finally eating" you shifted your youngest head back towards you chest. she had been startled by the door but you were able to calm her by gently rubbing your thumb against her cheek.

"sorry" koji mumbled going to stand in the very middle of the living room so he could get a good look at you all "but i still can't believe i've been lied to for the past twelve years, twevle years!"

izuku's eyes went from his son, then over to you. but all you could do was shrug. izuku grunted as he rose from his spot on the floor. all those years of daunting hero work along with just plain aging were catching up to him. specks of grey started to show, but he attempted to hide them with the green he still had.

"okay koji. what are you freaking out about?"

"i don't know, maybe the fact that you guys almost never got married?!"

now if there was one thing you were expecting to come out of his mouth, it wasn't that.

"did denki tell you about that?" you asked watching as he was now pacing the room back and forth.

"yeah! and i'm glad he told me because it seems like you guys were never going to let me know!"

yutaka looked up from his tablet “mommy and daddy weren’t gonna get married? why?”

izuku put his hands up before koji could go off again “listen, your aunt ochako and i weren’t very good at relationships back then and-“

“what does aunt ochako have to do with this?” koji’s face went from confusion to surprise “you were going to marry aunt ochako! what the heck!”

the tips of izuku’s ears went pink as he heard his surprise “i thought denki told you everything!”

“he only told me that you guys almost never got married! when i asked for more details he said that’s none of his business”

you snorted going to fix your bra since mayuka had finished eating “since when does denki mind his buisness”

“that’s what i said!” koji threw his arms up going to sit in between the two of you “okay so you guys gotta tell me everything! start to finish”

“i don’t know koji. i mean i need mom to tell the story with me and she’s kind of busy so-“

“i got time” you laid mayuka on one side of your body making sure her head was over your shoulder “may takes her time to burp” izuku gave you a look which you smiled at “i love you!”

izuku rolled his eyes before finally nodding “fine we’ll tell you the story. c’mere taka” he held his arms out which his son happily jumped into. after he got him settled on his lap he started on the story of how the two of you got together. the toast, the argument, and the rekindling all in one short (kid friendly) version. of course, you felt the need to add in little details when needed “and then we got married and boom. you kids were born”

koji’s mouth had hung open for almost the whole story, sitting at the edge of his seat. yutaka looked rather confused.

“so..” taka looked over at the two of you “mommy took daddy from aunt ochako?”

“well, sort of. we all agreed that how things ended up were for the best. no matter how it happened”

izuku nodded his head in agreement “i love your mom and i love all of you” he tickled taka’s side making him burst out in laughter.

“i just can’t believe it” koji mumbled shaking his head.

“you better believe it kid. your dad and i are in love” you wiggled your eyebrows making koji groan “in fact, give me a kiss!” the two of you leaned in placing a dramatic kiss on each others lips. both of the boys pretended to gag as they got up.

“not in front of us! not in front of us!” they both made a mad dash upstairs making the two of you laugh.

“they get their dramatics from you” you said scooting closer to him handing over may. an offended look plastered his face.

“they do not!”

“whatever you say mr. midoryia” you leaned your head on his shoulder pulling the blanket over the two of you. you eyes scanned over the home that the two of you created. toys scattered across the living room floor. family portraits hanging on the walls, even from when koji was first born. some random, educational kids show was currently playing on your television. someone had told you that this would ‘stimulate the baby’s mind’ even though she had just popped out. both you and izuku in your matching pajamas that you had gotten for christmas. ever since mayuka was born the two of you had been too exhausted to clean. shit was a mess, but honestly, you felt no sense of stress. you two had a silent understanding that everything would be done in the time that is intended, and you wouldn’t have it any other way

“i love you” you moved your head to look up at the man you had fallen hopelessly in love with. he looked back with a tired smile, but you noticed the crinkles at the corner of his eyes.

“i love you too”

taglist! @sagejin @aejabba @crybabyl0l @v3n7s @yoihoshi-maki @reads-stuff-quietly @valenspuppy @luvrluvrr 🫶🏾

[puraiuddo]

༺JazzProwl Fic Recs༻

— brought to you by puraiuddo -

This is by all means not a complete list of banger JP fics! It's my personal favorites—those fics that lodged themselves in my brain for one reason or another and never left.

Hopefully this list satisfies at least some of the sudden influx of interest for JP fics (and given how well rec'ing a fic turned out last time...) But, nah for real, not to make rec'ing fics fake deep or anything, but I think the fandom would be a better place if people were more unapologetically enthusiastic about fics and less afraid to interact with authors. So if you use this list to find some fics you have to promise to leave some unhinged comments! ٩("•̀ᴗ•́")و ̑̑

But before I start, I want to acknowledge the prevalence of potentially stereotypical depictions of Jazz in regards to his speech (❞), criminal/violent/sexual characterization (▾), or backstory/origins (⟲) in the JP/TF fandom. I've attempted to flag fics with the corresponding symbols above, because I'd like to recognize those problems while still rec'ing for a variety of other fantastic qualities. That said, I'm not infallible so please use your own discretion.

I've also tagged fics with "hiatus" if it's been a while between updates, but the author hasn't made a comment—these fics are especially important to interact with, b/c you never know if the author stopped posting b/c they weren't getting any reviews!

Now, without further adieu...

༺♡❦♡❦♡❦♡ -ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ- ♡❦♡❦♡❦♡༻

༺JazzProwl-centric༻

Mistakes on Mistakes Until— by jabberish

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 280,212 - Alt-War AU』

Ricochet's got a bad case of conscience and he's pretty sure it's about to get him killed. (aka I think I've read every defection/ex-Con au and now I'm forced to make my own. Jazz-centric.)

* (づ ᴗ _ ᴗ)づ♡ The crème de la crème of JP fics. I really can't properly articulate the sheer amount of love and respect I have for MOMU other than that if you haven't read it, your life is worse for it. Go read it. Then read it again. Now. (I've read it 4 times. No, I'm not joking) I love all the fics on this list dearly, but MOMU holds a very special place in my heart. Flawless characterization, flawless dynamics, flawless plot, one-of-a-kind writing style... it's got it all. Of note: I've not flagged it despite its premise, because it will expertly subvert your expectations and you need to read it to understand. Bonus: it's got a lot of well-deserved fanart!

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Untitled Series by Need2Scream

『(2/?) - ffn - Words: 158,064 - War AU - hiatus』

Where the Lonely Ones Roam - 116,327

"Say you have a little faith in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. Need to have a little trust in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. To where the lonely ones roam." Eventual Prowl/Jazz

Spark - 41,737 - hiatus

"Chase you deep into the unknown. In my dark, in my dark, you're the Spark."/ "Roam with me, come down to where all of the others fell. Get lost, in the dark to find yourself. Just remember what I said, 'cause it isn't over yet."/SEQUEL to Where the Lonely Ones Roam

*It's not clear by the summary, but the series is essentially about Jazz and Prowl's developing relationship as they overcome war-related trauma, intermingled with a spectacular amount of original lore. See the author's ffn bio for a rundown. The originality and attention to detail in the world building in this AU is awe-inspiring. There are 2 fics in the JP series, but the author has a bunch of other Gen fics set in the same AU and another on ao3. Bonus: some of the Gen fics are Jazz & Prowl-centric and can be read as romantic!

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Crime in Crystals Series by Aard_Rinn

『(7/?) - ao3 - Words: 258,030 - Crime/Hitman AU - hiatus - ▾ ⟲』

The Hitman - 6,942 - pt 1

Prowl is the last clean cop in Praxus, the final flickering light in the darkness. There are plenty of people who would like to see him snuffed.

2. The Clarification, 3. The Kill, 4. The Capture, 5. The Prime, 6. The Talk, 7. The Chase 8. TBD

*The main plot is broken into 7 separate fics, but it's all one continuous story. Read the whole thing! It's on my all time favorites. It's thrilling, tremendously action packed, and the character dynamics are some of my favorites. It's also hysterical and wholesome and I've reread it a stupid amount of times. Bonus: it's got fanart + there are 5 extra fics, including a Jazz-centric prequel, in the same AU.

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War Eternal Series by Hearts of Eternity

『(3/4) - ffn - 2m? idk it's insane - Bayverse War AU - discontinued - ▾ ❞ ⟲』

Where You and I Collide - 362,090 - prequel

Separately, Jazz and Prowl are like forces of nature- they are uncompromising and uncontrollable. But what becomes of their natures when these two unstoppable forces collide? Will one break the other, or will they both be stronger for it?

As We Come Together - 485,586 - pt 2 - Gen

While the surviving Autobots begin to flock to Earth in response to Optimus' call, trying to find a new home on the strange organic planet called Earth, some unfortunate bots are beginning to realize the price of war may have been too high. Sequel to Time

May We Never Let Go - 408,409 - pt 3 - Gen - d/c

Hell literally lies in wait above Earth as the Cybertronians and Earthlings coexist uneasily, rattled by every attack the Fallen and his master launch on them. With new evil rising, the powers that be on Earth and beyond are gearing up for war.

1. As We Come Together, prequel 2: Surface of the Sun

*Long, convoluted explanation coming up given that this series is obviously a whole different beast compared to likely any other fanfic series you or I have ever encountered in our lives... b/c the author is just superhuman or smth idk...

The series is officially listed as 4 parts (WYaIC, WTWHL, AWCT, MWNLG). Where You and I Collide is the JP-centric prequel to the other 3 Gen fics (that have substantial background JP). WTWHL is technically part 1 of the series, but it's sorta more character-focused ficlets than a continuous story... which is why I didn't specifically list it as a rec even if that makes things more confusing... (ᵕ¬ᴗ¬) Also the author didn't list Surface of the Sun as part of the series, but it's a direct prequel (like WYaIC) starring the Lambo twins and it's... oh it's so good... absolutely shatters my heart that it's been d/c'd.

I've not listed an exact world count, b/c if you want to read every bit of the AU with all its prequels and offshoots (which I would highly recommend and have done)... I'm not gonna do the math for you, sorry. The main 4-part story is ~1.7m+ which I realize is frankly insane and extraordinarily intimidating, but it is so sooo sooooo worth it. The author has created their own fully fleshed out TF world with its own lore and characters and the time and effort they've put into is mind-boggling .

Anywho, despite ultimately being d/c'd, the series is still tremendously readable and nothing about JP is left feeling unbearably unfinished. I also happened to track down the lovely author and beg for a summary of the ending, b/c I'm a bit of a freak and they very kindly provided it so if not knowing how a fic ends bothers you/prevents you from reading, you have the option of getting closure even if you can't have it written out.

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Fathomless by Sroloc_Elbisivni

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 19,949 - Fantasy AU - complete』

Jazz is drowning on dry land on the other side of the world. Once upon a time, before Jazz was born, the Rust Sea covered a swathe of Cybertron bigger than the territory of any city-state except Iacon. The sea had been more powerful than any engine besides the one at the heart of the planet itself, big enough to swallow a metrotitan in its depths, the birthplace of storms. Thing is, none of that was Jazz. He doesn’t remember those days, before he was himself, except in his dreams. And his dreams are terrifying.

*This fic makes me feel some type of way... it gives me shivers. It's so eerie and the premise is so unique. It's also beautifully bittersweet, which is a hard concept to pull off.

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The Judge by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 107,653 - Alt-War AU』

Prowl’s got a secret, and he’d rather be dead in the ground before he let anyone find out about it. Jazz’s got one too, but he’s not as good at hiding it. Prowl is a secret superhero, Jazz is a secret fanboy who doesn’t know that he works with the guy. By night Prowl is the virtuous hero The Judge, but by day he’s just an unassuming tactical officer.

*Jazz and Prowl are sorta painfully adorable in this fic and the JP is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Plus it's got a really fun premise with lots of shenanigans.

༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻༺♡༻

Black on White on Black Series by pipermca

『(3/?) - ao3 - Words: 86,248 - fix-it, War AU - complete』

Anamnesis - 31,097 - pt 1

When Jazz and his team are lost on a mission, Prowl has to carry on alone. But a discovery a thousand vorn later could turn his life upside down again.

2. The Ghost of the Howling Plains, 3. Pulling Strings

*Super interesting sorta-kinda-fix-it fic and/or explanation for the events and characterizations in IDW. There are 3 stories in the main JP plot line. Bonus: there's 2 "Extras" fics for cut scenes from the main fics.

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Crystal Ghosts Series by Rizobact

『(2/2) - ao3 - Words: 85,688 - Fantasy AU - complete - ⟲』

Enduring as Crystal - 40,517 - pt 1

There were a lot of reasons Prowl visited the library. He never knew the most important one was waiting for him in the garden behind it.

Eternal as Love - 45,171 - pt 2

Prowl promised he would help Jazz, the ghost of the crystal chapel in the garden behind Praxus' central library. He just couldn't anticipate what shape that help would wind up taking.

*Another super unique premise! I love a good historical mystery and the imagery is specularly evocative! And I'm a sucker for the trope... which I can't reveal, because of spoilers.

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Untitled Series by Vaeru

『(2/2) - ffn - Words: 10,766 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Descant - 7,925 - pt 2

G1/Jux compliant. Requiem sequel. Prowl doubted that his desired image of Respected Superior Officer came across very well with a half-scrapped mech clinging to his hand, but he loomed as best as he was able and glared.

*Requiem is Jazz-centric and I'd say more of a prequel to Descant than Descant is a sequel to Requiem... if that makes any sense. Regardless of how you view it or what order you read it, it's fucking brutal. (-‿-“) Bonus: author also wrote another really great fic called Transformers: Juxtaposition which is Lambo twin-centric and OC-centric, but perhaps one of the only OC fics that I've ever enjoyed.

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Domino Milkshake by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - (1/?) - ao3 - Words: 24,886 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Jazz drunkenly pretends that he's dating Prowl. Only he isn't, and the mech is right behind him.

*It's a fake dating AU... what more can I say? I love the the begrudging developing romance and the meddling friends. Bonus: it's got fanart!

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Hunter's Spark by WandersUnderStarlight

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 43,645 - Alt-War AU - ❞』

Jazz disobeys orders to abandon the ruins of Praxus and runs into one of the Senate's dirty secrets.

*This author also has a few more JP fics that I enjoy like An Offer He Can't Refuse and Long Patrol. I gotta offer aisclaimer though: the fics are... fairly cliche and a bit OOC. Hunter's Spark is much more tame than the other two, though. They're all sorta a guilty pleasure of mine, because it's fun to enjoy Prowl being a bit of a BAMF and Jazz being a bit of a damsel on occasion even if objectively I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea. ("￣▽￣";)ゞ But the author definitely deserves credit for creative and entertaining premises and a really nice writing style!

༺☆★☆★☆★-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-★☆ ★☆★☆༻

༺General༻

Little Brother by Meiza

『oneshot - ffn - Words: 64,542 - War AU - discontinued』

Prowl is infamous for being a logical, nigh emotionaless thinker who's better at battle calculations than interpersonal relationships. How he was roped into taking care of the last survivor of Praxus is anyone's guess.

*Prowl & Bluestreak centric, but Jazz has a solid amount of screentime. The subplot is pre-relationship, co-parenting JazzProwl and it's cute as hell. It's not 'officially' discontinued, but it hasn't been updated since 2010... so... At least it doesn't end in a cliffhanger. (╥﹏╥|||)

༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻

Things We Don't Tell Humans by SineadRivka

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 363,057 - Bayverse War AU - complete』

This was a first for us Autobots; never before have we come in contact with a species like these humans, so eerily similar to our own race and twice as tenacious as Sparklings. The question was, how far can we trust the humans with our culture? Some things have translated between cultures without much effort. Other subjects, however…

*Please note the tags! Also... I'll be honest that I mostly skip to the JP parts and main plot points in this fic as it's about a very ensemble cast and I'm not interested in TF humans ... so I can't entirely vouch for the integrity of the whole thing. (￢ω￢;)

༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻༺✩༻

Echoes of Messatine by MlleMusketeer

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 303,863 - Alt-War AU - complete - ▾ 』

Cybertron hurtles toward war, and only a handful of mecha see it. Not Megatron, whose inflammatory writings gain him agonizing attention from those on high. Not Ratchet, the Iacon Medical Center’s most prized practitioner, whose Dead-End clinic remains the worst-guarded secret on Cybertron. Not Overlord, whose iron hold over Cybertron’s underworld is beginning to falter. Not Orion Pax, whose concern over the sudden silence of one of his favorite writers drives him to take up his hero’s pen. Not Terminus, who only wants to survive. But Trepan and Senator Shockwave both know well what’s coming. One aims to use a defiant miner’s fall to crush the aspirations of the masses. The other wants to use that miner’s triumph to ignite them. Neither much cares about Megatron himself, or his ultimate survival. Therein lies their fatal error.

*Not clear from the summary, but the premise is essentially "what if Megatron got the matrix instead of OP" and how their pre-war lives would have to pan out for them to ultimately switch roles. Just a really fascinating, supremely well-done "what-if" fic, but also probably the weirdest one to put on this particular list, b/c JP turns into megatron/JP at the very, very end... but... I just kinda ignore that development since it happens in like almost literally in the last chapter and you can def read it as friendship up until that point... (¬⤙¬ ᵕ)

༺☓○☓○☓○☓○-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-☓○☓○☓○☓○༻

༺Mature༻

*listen... don't @ me. They're definitely saucy, but they're not explicit. Yada, yada... hey minors, don't read these! ...But we all know you will so just don't talk to me or anyone else about it, cool? Cool. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Intermission by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 5,049 - War AU - complete - ▾』

As the war stretched on for interminable vorn, Prowl found himself faced time and again with the mounting stress of his position. Many of those times he was forced to face alone, the gear grinding stress sending him to Ratchet for system overhauls and forced defrags. But every so often he'd be fortunate enough to have Jazz on hand, and when he did, well, it didn't take much. Pressing Jazz up against the wall, cramming him into corners, pinning him facedown over Prowl's desk. It didn't matter as long he could keep Jazz still.

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Audition by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 12,783 - War AU - complete - ▾』

If one were to be delicate, one would say that Jazz and Prowl are incompatible. The blunt truth? 'You just lie there with this blank expression on your face,' he'd been told by his last partner. Signal had stayed longer then most, willing to try since Prowl was so obviously doing his best, interfacing to please his partner and give him what Prowl himself disliked. In the end, though, it hadn't worked. 'You don't like me touching you, you don't like the mess, you don't even like the overload, and half the time I swear you're running economic simulations in your CPU you look that bored. I don't want that. I don't want you miserable, and I don't want me miserable, either.' So why can't Prowl stop wishing?

༺♡❦♡❦♡❦♡ -ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ- ♡❦♡❦♡❦♡༻

That's all, folks.

ദ്ദി(｡•̀ω-)✧ ~Happy reading!

and for the shit tumblr search/tag system, i offer: #jazzprowl #jazzprowl recs #jazz x prowl #jazzprowl fic recs #jazzprowl fanfic recs #tansformers fic recs #tf jazzprowl #tf fic recs

[losttawtute]

Show me your stupid world

Neteyam x human!reader

Part 1

Warning: maybe a little brat in the beginning but no big warning.

Author's note: I'm currently bad because of my period soooo this shit doesn't make sense. Just need a little more of neteyam or just Pandora's magic ~ 🩵💙

Summary: neteyam don't think you are a true explorer but You're ready to show him otherwise.

(I'm really bad at summary, sorry)

During a Thursday like the others, Spider enters the lab to clean himself, change some things and go back outside as usual, he lives almost all the time with the Na'vi. Especially the Sully.

Sometimes the Sully kids follow him into the lab, Kiri is really... Special but very nice, you've always had a bond with her, a bit like a big sister, she's the one who comes more often, to see her mother. But this time, she is not alone with Spider, neteyam and Lo'ak, the eldest sons of Jake and neytiri are there. Lo'ak doesn't bother you more than that, he's a kid who does kid things with the little human.

But neteyam, that's another thing! When you were young, you idolized him. He hunted,he ran and climbed faster than you , there was also his size, much taller than you! And when he reached adolescence this vision changed and you noticed other details, his chiseled physique, his piercing eyes, those fucking eyes! And one day his eyes stopped looking at you, he came less often and when he entered the lab he avoided you.

Over time you started acting like him, indifferent and avoiding him.

"hey y/n, wanna come with us? We're going to the waterfall!" Spider says cheerfully.

"Spider no need to ask her , you know she likes her comfort, she's not an adventurer." Neteyam Rattle.

And here we go again...

"sorry I'm not a savage like you, but I'll prove to you that I can venture into your stupid forest"

I pack my things and follow them into the dense forest of Pandora. Kiri stays by my side, at the back of the group. I breathe a little, not used to going out into the wild, sweat begins to form under my mask,

Kiri starts talking "you know you have nothing to prove, especially not to neteyam. I don't know what's wrong with him, he's not usually like this."

"With me, he's like that. I'm sorry I said it was stupid... The forest I mean. I know you love it" I look down, not proud of my comment earlier.

"No worries, I understand but in the future try to think smarter, not like a boy I mean haha"

We laughed together, the lighter mood, we arrived at the waterfall. Boys jump in the water, splashing all around.

You settle down on the shore, sitting on a towel, and start reading a book about the local flora.

"Is this what you call "exploring" the stupid forest? " You recognize this voice a little too close for your taste. A hot breath and a few cold drops are felt on your back.

You turn around, ready to give him a scathing retort but you remain speechless. He... He looks like a... some kind of angel his blue skin shines with the water. Some drops trace his collarbones and run over his torso, a simple braid falls in front of his face and... Eyes look at you...

Suddenly the truth hits you, for so long you thought he was indifferent to you but you were angry that he didn't look at you, not the way your feelings would like. But now, with his mocking eyes, you wanted him to look at you and not leave you.

So with a quick movement you close the book being up, a defiant look on your face

"oh I can And I will do it, watch me"

Without waiting you rush into the waterfall, the bioluminescent algae lighting up as you pass. Jumping to a light rock submerged in another, like a little monkey You move forward, passing behind the waterfall. In your race, you did not see that neteyam had caught up with you and was already behind the water curtain.

""Too slow" he laughs, mocking your heavy breathing and your cheeks reddened by the effort.

" Just admit it, you're a little human who needs his comfort! You're not like spider!" He add.

"Why you hate me that much, we used to play together ? " It came out without you wanting it to.

You take a deep breath and take off the mask and cut him off abruptly, placing your lips on his, the kiss is impatient and clumsy.

His eyes quickly went back up to your face now reddened by this confession. "I don't hate you Y/n. Just... We're not compatible.." "But you are with Spider? And norm?" Your voice becomes more pleading. "What?! No not like that! Fuck no I..I. like you." It's his turn to blush at his confession, your eyes try to find his, your mouth falls open without saying a word. "But...but it's not possible, you are human and... And I'm a Na'vi, I start liking you more each day for years but we aren't the same . Not even the same species, you will find me stupid and maybe weird to.... love you. And when we started to grow up, you were becoming Sublime, I preferred to stay away from you and-" he was continuing his babbling, too lost in his anxiety and blushing.

Like an exploding baggage, the last barriers of neteyam fall and he gives himself to the kiss body and soul.

"fuck" he mumbles between each devouring kiss. His hands explore your body molded in your clothes soaked by the waterfall, when yours gets lost around his neck . You break contact, and take up the respirator again, out of breath. "Does that mean you feel the same?" He jokes, His ears prick up with excitement.

He brings your hands up to his chest, and gently places them at the level of his heart . " Heyr" he says almost whispering this word. You blush under this new kind of exploration, not used to him talking in his language. Your fingers run through his neck "pewn" , you come closer, your breaths mingle with each other. It's like your hands are drawn to his skin and his captivating stripes.

"neteyam, shut up show me your stupid world"

You smile at him. He smiles back letting his hands explore your shoulders, up your arms to end up holding your hands. They are so small in his. So pale and fragile. He guides them over his body to help you discover his world....

Your little game continues, it's the best excuse to keep touching him and he refuses to stop before you know every part of his body....

Your caresses go back up again towards his ears, caressing his temples in passing. A shiver runs through him at your touch. As your finger play with the tender light blue skin of his ear, he whispered the word "Mikyunn" at your pink ear. He likes the way you touch him, travel on him like that.

When his large hand grasps yours, pulling you out of your contemplation, your fingers mirroring his, only your little finger is left. Delicately neteyam leans down and kiss it, his lips are soft, when he opens them his canines brush your skin and send a shock directly into your lower abdomen. By the great mother, what this Na'vi is doing to you...

" I've always loved that little finger" he leaves butterfly kisses along your wrist. "How do you say that..." "mm hand? Tsyokx"He chuckled . "Don't mock me, idiot!"

"I just think it's cute that you're interested in learning. I didn't know you wanted to learn the language." "i want to learn everything from you blue alien boy" you are ready to remove your mask once again to kiss him when a voice calls from the other side of the waterfall. It's Kiri looking for you.“i have to go,” you say, a hint of frustration in your voice. But before you step back under the curtain of bright water, he pulls you closer and kisses the bare area of your neck. “i’ll come teach you more good things" ....

Coming out of the last waterfall, Kiri asks you why you are so out of breath and red. You simply answer that you came across a nest of water slugs, very... touchy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soooo there is the first post on this blog. I'm working in part 2 for those who ask . Buuut I don't really know in which direction I will go , stay fluff or go in a more spicy scene for part 2 ... Don't hesitate to add your idea and make some comments about what you like or dislike in my writing. I really want to improve so don't be scared and be critical my friend!

Hope you like it bye bye in pandora 🩵💙

[vladdyissues]

Lately Ive seen some awful things about antis and haters making threats and getting artists banned from Tumblr and X. Im new to the Phandom and love pompep but Im scared i'll be targeted if I write and share pompep fics. How do you manage sharing your work so bravely?

Firstly, welcome to the Phandom—and especially Pompous Pep! I have a simple protocol for enjoying a drama-free Tumblr experience:

Preventative Action

1. Find your community. Follow other Pompep fans and supporters and reblog their things. Don't be afraid to leave nice tags; we love and welcome interactions :) You can also join the Pompep Discord server if you enjoy chatting (DM me for details).

2. Turn off anon asks. This will solve 99% of all potential problems, and you can turn it back on whenever you want. Antis are cowards who prefer to hide behind the mask of anonymity. They seldom have the courage to say something with their whole username.

3. Block the obvious haters. This is a big fandom, and at some point you're likely to come across people openly hating on pompep, either on their bio, pinned posts, or comments. Block them. For an added layer of protection, add their username to your Filtering Options.

4. Tag your work appropriately. When posting, make sure your work is tagged correctly (the #pompous pep tag is especially important) so people who like pompep can find it and those who want to avoid it can block the tag. Use Content Labels when applicable.

5. Try to avoid using the platonic tag (#badger cereal) and the romantic tag (#pompous pep) at the same time. Some fans are really touchy about this. I'm not, and I think there are legitimate cases where use of both is applicable, but if you want to minimize friction, just stick with one tag or the other.

If you're not sure which tag to use, ask yourself what your intentions are with your art or fic. Is the goal a romantic relationship? If so, use the pompep tag. If it's truly ambiguous and could be seen either way, use the platonic tag first. You can always add another tag like "okay to tag as pompep", just to let people know they can interpret it however they please.

Responsive Action

If the above guidelines aren't 100% effective, here's what you do:

1. Don't feed the trolls. If you receive any negative asks in your inbox, it's important to NOT engage with them. Delete them, ignore them, don't let them get to you. Antis thrive on attention, so let them starve. Eventually they'll move on when they realize they're not going to get a rise out of you.

The same goes for any negative comment left on your work. Just delete it, block the person who left it, and pretend it never happened.

These asks and comments may come in the form of questions. Example: "How can you ship Danny with Vlad? That's [insert gross accusation here]" Resist the urge to answer these questions. They are not made in good faith. This person just wants to start an argument.

2. Report any harassment. If by some chance you receive a seriously hateful ask, like threats of violence or abuse, take a screenshot for proof/safekeeping, then report the message and the user if they're not anonymous. If the ask is anonymous, use the meatball menu (•••) at the top right to report the message and block the anon.

Final Words

It takes time to develop a thick skin and Don't Give A Fuck attitude, but it can be done. You are a phan. You have every right to be here and enjoy this fandom in peace, just like everyone else. Anyone who believes in harassing others over silly things like which cartoon characters should be allowed to kiss clearly has nothing better to do with their life. The sooner you shut them out, the happier you'll be.

Regarding media: Artists attract a lot more negative attention than writers for reasons I won't get into right now, but if you're mainly a writer, you will enjoy a much quieter fandom experience. Wherever you post your stories—I recommend AO3; DM me if you need an invite—follow the same advice there as I've given here: make sure your work is tagged correctly; support your fellow Pompep fans by reading and commenting on their works, building that community; moderate comments if you're concerned about negativity; block and mute users if they give you any trouble, and you'll enjoy a much more positive fandom experience.

There is strength in community. When you start making new fandom friends, you'll feel a lot less lonely, and that will give you the confidence you need to really have a good time here.

Wishing you the best, anon!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

idk if this is something you would answer but how do you unlearn shame of being horny 😵‍💫

hi anon,

this is a complex question. unlearning shame of any kind can take a long time to sort out, and will be driven more by internal work you do to challenge and shift your own thinking than by anything else.

a good place to start may be by doing some reflection as to what you find shameful about being horny in the first place and working back from there to recognize sexuality and desire as morally neutral things.

for instance, I get a fair number of people asking if it's okay to think about real people that they know when they're horny, or masturbate to fantasies about those people. they feel a lot of shame about this, as if they're causing harm to these people by imagining them in sexual scenarios. but making up funny little scenarios in your head to nut to is a harmless act that only you will ever know about. it's not like whipping out your dick (gender neutral) and masturbating at strangers on public transit; what you do to get off in your private time only impacts you.

a problem would only arise if you decided to start treating your real, actual acquaintance, not the imaginary sexy version of them, differently, for instance by making untoward comments about their body, treating them as if they are obligated to be interested in spending time together or having sex with you, or, god forbid, telling them in detail about your sexual fantasies. now you're doing sexual harassment, which is inappropriate because of the hurt and discomfort is causes the recipient. being horny isn't the problem here, it's how you're treating another person.

people also feel a lot of shame around many other types of fantasies, especially if they involve dynamics that are off-limits or illegal in real life. often, the worry seems to be that being aroused by these imagined scenarios is akin to expressing support for these things to happen in real life.

listen: sexual fantasies about rape are some of the most commonly reported among cis women, and that's not because tons and tons of cis women secretly think that rape is a cool thing that should happen more. the people playing Baldur's Gate 3 and fucking Halsin while he's wildshaped into a bear aren't all chomping at the bit to commit a sex crime against a real animal. noticing that "teenage" characters on TV played by actors in their 20s and 30s are hot does not make anyone a pedophile. fiction is a safe realm to explore and enjoy things that we would never in a million years want to see happen in real life. I love Batman, but I can assure you I would not be a happy camper if a real-life billionaire started running around doing vigilantism in a fursuit while endangering a gaggle of teenage sidekicks.

and if you want to explore some of the stuff you're into in real life, awesome! great! there are ways to go about negotiating a lot of different kinks safely and responsibly (although probably not the bear thing, sorry about that). the world is full of people who want the experience of being stalked, beat up, kidnapped, and sexually assaulted - all mediated through pre-negotiated arrangements with people that they have chosen to enact these fantasies with them. so what is there to be ashamed of in that situation? sure, the situation you're engaging in might sound scary without proper context, but so do a lot of things. a stranger cutting open my skin, very likely causing bleeding, and leaving me with a mark that I'll have for the rest of my life sounds scary, and it definitely would be if it wasn't a situation that I agreed to! but that's also what getting a tattoo is, and that's an experience that I love so much that I pay for the pleasure. nothing to feel bad about there as long as you're playing safely!

listen: there's nothing wrong with being horny. the human sex drive is a completely natural one born from biological need that makes getting off feel good. there's no more sense in feeling shame about being horny than there is in feeling shame about being hungry or needing rest, although people do of course manage to feel bad about those as well. regardless of what causes it, when you feel the shame well up you have to push back on it and ask yourself who actually directly benefits from you feeling badly about yourself in that moment, and who is actually tangibly hurt by the actions you're shaming. and if the answer is "no one," move it along!

[bookishtheaterlover7]

a/n: Hello, my fabulous Readers! It's been a hot second since I last wrote a fic. And I can honestly say, that I've been distracted by the whole Chris Drama and Fiasco. But that doesn't mean that I haven't been writing fics. I actually have a few lined up, that are definite WIPs, so stay tuned. In the meantime, I hope y'all will enjoy this fic.

Which I'm happy to dedicate to @cutedisneygrl, Happiest Birthday to you, girl! Thank you for always lending an ear, and also happily sharing your fics with us. You're awesome, and I hope you enjoy this fic. Sorry if it's a little late.

And to @royalwriteroftheuniverse, for being one of the best friends, I could ask for on here. You're one of the best, and honestly, you both deserve the best. ❤❤❤❤❤

Yes, this will be a thing now. Some of my fics will be dedicated to my friends, family, or even the fans like me, who are writing this. 😆🥺 So, without further ado, enjoy this fic. Hopefully it isn't too cringey.

Steve Rogers x civilian!Reader

Requested: Yes

WARNINGS: None really... No mention of Y/n, Steve is a big softie, Y/n is kind of sad for most of the fic, food(?), feelings of loneliness...

Enjoy!

I'm using this gif, because it's the one with my most favorite button-up, that Steve wears in the entire MCU. Feel free to comment what's your most favorite Steve casual wear in the entire MCU.

*Y/F/C/D = Your Favorite Cold Drink

The clock continued to tic the hours away, as you laid on your bed. Trying to will it to move faster, and end the long day. Time always seemed slow during the tough days. Even longer lately, what with Steve being out on seemingly endless weeks of missions.

You really couldn’t complain, considering that that is his job. And it was all for the good of the future. Your future, together. Steve has been open about building a safe and happy future. And being able to secure it, one bad guy at a time.

You chuckle at the thought. Remembering the night Steve said those very words to you...

You had called an hour before, needing to vent. Your work day was one of the worst you’ve had in a while, and Steve, hearing the frustration, and weariness in your voice, took it upon himself to try and make it better. He arranged the pillows to frame your bed, pulled the curtains closed, put the lamp on its dimmest setting, grabbed the comfiest blankets, and made a little love nest for you two love birds.

He nervously looked over every little detail. Fluffing up the pillows, smoothing down the bed sheets, pulling at the curtains, double and triple checking everything. Luckily, you announcing your arrival, broke his intense focus.

Steve rushed off. Tripping and stumbling on his own feet, regaining balance, and taking another look around, before stumbling once more, and finally hopping down to you. Not that you were having any of it. Immediately assuming that Steve had prepared something romantically sexy. Which, in Steve’s opinion, was sweet but nothing romantically sexy about his plans.

But at Steve’s insistence, and puppy dog eyes, you were, albeit begrudgingly on your part, lead upstairs to your converted room.

“You sounded so sad on the phone earlier, I wanted to do something special. Try and make your day a little bit better.”

You smiled as tears slowly filled your eyes. Jumping into Steve’s arms, as he picks you up, and puts you on the bed, to rid you of your work clothes. Slipping you into your favorite button-up of his.

You’d stay in the love nest for hours. Snuggled into the love of your life, except for the few times, he’d get up to get food and water. Insisting that he should get them, not wanting you to get up and leave your little bubble.

Few minutes into your meal of a shared bowl of chocolate covered fruits, Steve’s phone rang. Causing him to step out, to answer it. Not coming back until a few minutes later. His expression crestfallen, but trying his best to keep up a mask of happiness so as to not drag your already down mood. Ofcouse,you knew him well.

“They’re calling you away on another mission?” You asked, after a few minutes of silence.

“Yes. But it’s a necessary evil, if I want to build our future.” Steve sighed, giving you a weary smile.

“And I do want to build it, one bad guy at a time.” He continued, taking both of your hands in his.

“Are you proposing to me right now, Rogers?” You laughed.

“Believe me, Doll. When I propose, you’ll know...” Steve smiled.

“Well, until then, I’ll take a few of your shirts. But even after you ask, you might never get them back.” You declared teasingly, grabbing a strawberry and running off, as Steve gave chase.

You sigh and get up out of bed, deciding to go down to your living room to watch a rom-com with your over-sized stuffed bear. But not before grabbing your favorite button-up shirt, that Steve left at the foot of your bed just before he drove off to the compound for his mission, a few days ago. You pressed it to your nose, inhaling the comforting scent of aftershave and wood, something that was uniquely Steve. And changed into it, buttoning up most of it, and leaving some undone.

You made your way down the stairs and into your kitchen, grabbing some leftovers stored in tupperwares, in your fridge, and preparing to heat them in your microwave. You stepped into your living room, turning on the TV. and arranging the throw pillows, blanket, and your bear, so that your couch has prime comfiness, all before the microwave dinged to signal that your dinner is warm.

You quickly grabbed it, utensils, and Y/F/C/D from the kitchen, carefully carrying them in your arms, and using your elbow to turn off the light in your kitchen. Leaving your living room lamp, and your TV as your only remaining light source. Creating some sort of ambiance that allowed for optimal comfort once you wrapped your shoulders in your blanket, placed your bear on your lap, and pressed play on your movie, before grabbing your food and settling in for the night.

A few hours later, the roar of a Harley can be heard in the distance. A bit toned down, due to Steve knowing that most, if not all of the residents of his neighborhood were soundly and safely tucked in their beds.

The mission was shorter than expected, and for that he silently thanked God. Because he was able to come home to the woman he loved sooner than anticipated, and will be able to surprise her with the best gift he could ever give her. Him.

He shut off the engine, as soon as he arrived and parked on the driveway. Removing his helmet, grabbing his things that he had strapped to the back of his motorcycle, and grabbing his keys to unlock the front door.

The first thing he noticed was the TV was on (hard not to when he noticed the dim glow coming from the living room). The one thing he didn’t expect as he was reaching for the remote was the sight of you holding your bear, the very over-sized bear that he had won for you at the Fair last month, close to you, one of your cozy blankets draped over your shoulders, and the collar of his button-up peaking from under the blanket.

He chuckled at the adorable sight, but sighed softly. Knowing you well enough, that you had a rough day, just by needing any semblance of him near, and needing every aspect of your cozy cocoon in order to feel better. He knew what was needed, and it was something he definitely needed for himself too.

And so, he put his bag and shield down to the side of the recliner to the right of the TV, out of the way, so that none of you would trip on it the next morning. Removed his leather jacket, and placed it on the arm of the couch by your feet, before kneeling down by you, to get on the proper position to be able to pick you up, and carry you bridal style. Hopefully without fully rousing you from your sleep.

You were half awake as Steve slowly made his way up the stairs, to your shared room. The blanket still wrapped around your body, essentially wrapping you up in a burrito. You felt the need to find more warmth and comfort from the solid wall of muscle that you were resting against. And so snuggled needily into it, much to Steve’s amusement.

And that is why he decided to remove his shoes, before going into bed with you a minute later. Not wanting you to spend even a minute without your human teddy bear. He could change and take a shower in the morning, he just knew you both needed the other near.

“I’ve got you, Doll... And I’m not going anywhere...”

a/n: Hope y'all enjoyed it. I'm kind of nervous uploading this, and I'm also worried that it's cringey. Love y'all, Bookies! Stay sane, especially with things coming up in the Fandom soon.

Steve Rogers Masterlist

Chris Evans Characters Masterlist

Main Masterlist

[hotpinkstars]

SEEING YOU TONIGHT....

...it's a bad idea, right?

aventurine x fem! reader - in which you're his ex who, after seeing again, felt a desire to have back.

giyssssssss im feeling motivated to write again i feel great!!!!!!!!!!! busy busy weekend tho so idk how much more i can write hmm... but i'm going based off of song titles now lol. btw i deleted all of my past drafts and requests, so if u want something written, please request a song u want to hear with a character/scenario

exes to whatever is inbetween exes and lovers, one suggestive comment at the end, fem reader

he saw you at the bar last night, and that did it for him.

he knew it was wrong, and he shouldn't feel attracted to you anymore. but oh, the way you shine, how prominent your curves look in that gorgeous white dress. it makes him regret that he ever left you.

but you were thinking the same. he looked older now, he looked like he matured a little bit. you found him really attractive, but you were too ashamed to admit that when your friend prodded at your side, asking you what you were looking at.

you had no choice but to brush her off. she was the one who knew about aventurine, the one who had been there for you during the breakup, and the one who doesn't do anything but shittalk his name when he's brought up. that would be a betrayal to her if you were to give into your thoughts.

soon enough, your friend caught on, a dissapointed look on her face.

"seriously, y/n? why are you staring at him as if you just found the love of your life? do you remember what he put you through???"

she shook you by the shoulders and took you off the dance floor before sitting you down at a booth in the back corner of the building.

"you can't get back with him. you're going to get hurt all over again."

you sighed, understanding where she's coming from. you remember everything, all of the details in perfect order, but still are thinking about approaching him.

a couple hours later, the bar was mostly empty. your friend went home, bored of staying in the same place. you promised her you'd get back safe and not have too many drinks, so she bid you farewell and left.

there were a couple patrons left, mostly just drunkards laying wasted on the bar counters and the tables. but one thing you did notice, is that aventurine never left.

you both made eye contact, accidentally staring for a second too long before you turned your head away and pulled your phone out, pretending to distract yourself.

you soon heard footsteps inching closer to the table you were sitting at. you closed your phone and saw aventurine, leaning over your table, his arms planted on the tabletop for support. he gave you a sly smirk and you just kept looking up at him.

"do you need something?" was the only thing that would leave your mouth in that moment. you tried to tell him to back away, leave you alone, but that wasn't what your heart wanted.

"just came to say hi. i saw your stare all night. you weren't very sneaky."

you weren't really trying to be sneaky at all. this was what you wanted to happen. he knew that better than you did.

he soon cleared his throat to break the silence, before continuing to speak.

"but i won't deny, i was looking at you too. i'm sure we have the same intentions."

you looked away. you're also sure that you have the same intentions- those to hook back up. maybe it would betray your friend, maybe it would betray the people who helped him through the breakup, but you didn't care. you were only thinking about yourself right now. and so was he.

"i'm sure we do, aventurine," you decided not to engage too much, not now. you wanted to see where this conversation went. with a smirk plastered on your face, you continued to speak. "but why me?"

he gave his signature chuckle. you knew why he picked you out of every single woman who filtered through this bar tonight. but you wanted to see how far he'd allow you to take the conversation while answering with honesty.

"well, i already know everything there is to know about you. we're exes, not strangers. and plus, i've never not found you attractive. i'd assume we've both changed and matured over the past couple years, and i don't know if i'll be able to see you again after tonight anyway, so why not take my shot?"

good point. he usually went out for business a lot, and you were on the move a bunch for your work, too. so it was rare that you'd end up in the same place.

"fair enough."

you grabbed the collar of his dress shirt, one you'd grown farmiliar with seeing whenever he'd come home from a long mission, and smashed your lips into his. you don't know what took you over, but it was definitely not your brain thinking.

he didn't pull away. instead, he deepened the kiss, turning it into a full blown makeout. you gasped into his lips before closing your eyes, drowning in the moment. it felt so good to finally be back to him. it felt even better to know that you still have a place in his heart.

the kiss felt like it went on for ages before it was broken apart, a string of saliva connecting you two for a split second before splitting as well. you were shocked and out of breath, unable to do anything but stare at him, a content grin on your face. you snapped out of it after aventurine started to talk once more.

"well, how nice. i'm sticking around for the next couple weeks. meet me back here tomorrow night, same place? maybe we can take it to the sheets."

[wyyvernn]

A/n: WOOOOO this one was 👀😳 I wanted to write more smut about him as an extremely horny older gent.

✧･ﾟ: Masterlist :･ﾟ✧

✧Cw: All characters 18+, Older Man/Younger Woman, Mentor/Student Dynamic, Smut - don't like, don't read

✧Tags: @psybrepunk @sangheilihoes @demigoddessqueens @bookworm-with-coffee @ladysaturnsdust @haytham-loves-chocolate @memoriesofafallen @bloodhaven99 @heiress-prime @konnisart

✧ If you would also like to be tagged in future Haytham fics, let me know in the comments!

Irritable. Completely and irrationally irritable.

The Grand Master was always in control of his emotions, but bless the poor soul who suffered the receiving end of his ire.

There was something about him you sensed differently today and you could pick up on his change of mood whenever he passed by, his cape angrily sweeping your calves and leaving you staring at his retreating form in silence.

Hurried footsteps, clenched fists, and teeth-grinding glares sent your way all throughout the afternoon have you wildly confused.

Did you do something wrong recently? You were keeping up well with the missions your mentor sent you on so it couldn't be a problem with that. And it definitely couldn't be your attitude either.

Haytham regarded you with much respect even if he didn't explicitly show it. It was conveyed in his mannerisms - the way he nodded in satisfaction of your efforts, or when he gave the slightest curve of his lips when you made things go the way that he wanted them to. Those nice little moments made your day.

Except this wasn't one of those nice little moments, and when you greeted your mentor with a smile like usual, you didn't expect to be flat out shunned and shouldered past.

A huff exhaled from your lips and it leaves you loathing how you sound like a petulant child.

It's late in the evening when you see him again in his office. And he's hunched over the desk, dressed in a casual yet elegant fit, his hat, cape and coat no doubt hung up on a hanger somewhere. He pours no small amount of detail in his journal with a frustrated grip on his quill, and a heavy frown fixed on his brow.

It's what you expect him to be doing at these late sort of hours.

What you don't expect is to be held in place by the brewing storm of his glare as he looks up from his journal, and in the next moment, shoved up against the wall with little to no resistance, and his lips and tongue hungering for your own like a man starved for days.

His hands, worn and toned from decades of climbing and fighting, spare you no mercy as they grip your waist like a vice and keep you firmly put.

"Terrible girl." He groans, and his voice is low and rough with need as his teeth print marks up your neck, sucking your supple skin into his skilled mouth, "Having your Grand Master ache for you like this - does it thrill you to see him so tortured?"

"So plagued with lewd thoughts of you?" is what he goes to add but he's interrupted by a yelp when he delivers a sharp nip to your throat, soothing it immediately with a slow drag of his tongue.

Your lips part for a reply, a plea for your innocence of the situation, but his are unforgiving as they descend down on yours again, swallowing your protests.

You really have no idea what he's on about, but you suspect that it has to do with the way he's been pining for you these last couple of weeks. The sight of you in his mind has tested his control - scandalous images of your bare body beneath him, above him, on him - all threatening to break that gentleman composure of his that he's supposedly so good at maintaining.

But you're not going to leave your Grand Master disappointed and his fantasies unfulfilled.

You mirror his lust, hands climbing up his chest to pick and pull at the cravat and toss it messily behind you only to begin shedding his cape and navy coat half way down his shoulders before you can get to unbuttoning his red vest and shirt beneath it all.

You pause when you get down to the last button, and instead decide to tease him by sliding your knee in between his thighs, and watch in riveting excitement, as his hips roll forward, a low guttural purr rumbling from his throat and spilling past your mouth.

He pulls away suddenly and then hastens to shove your skirts up your thighs, the desperation reflective in his swift, hurried movements. You help him free of his trousers but he stops suddenly, delaying his desire to plunge into you as the prominent curve of his nose caresses along your jawline and nears the shell of your ear.

"Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me." He whispers harshly in your ear, and a delightful shiver chills down your spine.

An eager nod is all you deliver him, your eyes begging your mentor to just grab you and fuck you good and proper against the wall.

"I want you. Gods, please, I've always wanted you, sir I-"

A sharp gasp cuts you short as his cock sinks past your folds, your leg hooking around his hip and the other struggling to balance as he pushes you into the wall.

You cry out softly and you bury your face in his exposed shoulder to muffle your moans, silently cursing him in your mind when he snaps forward once, and then again and again until your teeth are clamping down on his shoulder.

He speeds up his pace in response, grunting at the pain of your teeth and pleasure of your slick, inviting warmth, of how your cunt just stretches for him while he pounds away like he's mad, like he's possessed or hungry. And his grip doesn't let up either. Toughened skin of his knuckles turn white as they rudely grab at the neckline of your dress and tear down the middle of your cleavage to get to your breasts.

"How perfect you are." He praises, groping your skin.

His lips attach to your nipples right away, the sharp and quick strikes of his tongue lapping at them send pleasurable jolts through your body and all the way down to your core. And then it all feels so sudden when his front teeth are scraping your little buds, alternating between the two and making you cling to him desperately, wrapping your arms around his neck and arching your chest into his mouth as your moans become louder. The stimulation is becoming too much now, all that tension building up in your muscles.

You can't even think, can't even form a proper sentence. And then suddenly when he picks you up by the back of your thighs and changes the angle, his cock hits a deeper part within you that makes you whine and babble mindlessly.

"Oh my... gods...!" A gasp rips from your throat from the unexpected change.

A groan passes through clenched teeth, the loudest you've heard from him. He can hear your heavy panting and how it mixes with his own, he can feel your tight walls gripping him as his pace begins to speed up. He's close. And he can feel you clinging to him, your nails clawing at his crumpled coat, vest and shirt down his torso to dig them hard into his back muscles. You're close as well, but he knows you need more to feel satisfied.

To finish you off, his hand reaches in between your bodies and furiously rubs his finger on your clit. The rough pad of it further adds to the stimulation, pulling a muffled scream from your lips as you bury your face in his shoulder and grind against his hand and cock, simultaneously.

You feel it finally, crying out a final time as your orgasm comes crashing down on you, and he lets you down gently.

There's a few more slow thrusts from Haytham until he pulls out, his hand performing sharp and rapid strokes on his cock while he grunts and pants. Although he's interrupted when you boldly wave his hand away and do it for him, leaning up a little to press your lips against his.

He kisses you back harder and pushes his hips into your grip, thankful for your welcome aid as he huffs and then spills into your palm, crushing your body against his with one last groan of pleasure.

The both of you stayed there, just enjoying each other's company in the air of peace you shared.

Eventually, you broke the silence.

"I'll go clean myself up. I'll report to you first thing in the morning, sir."

Your body breaks away from his, but you don't even make a full step away before he tugs you back by your arm. He seemed almost disappointed by your dismissive response, like he didn't just take you in his office long past bedtime hours.

"Join me. I'll have someone draw us a bath." He insisted, curling his arms back around your waist, his lips lifting into a slight smirk when he noticed your tiny gasp.

"And then..." He murmured, the deep grey of his eyes dripping with sensuality as he grazed his mouth over the shell of your ear, "We'll see about more of these little trysts, hm?"

Oh, he wanted more. He absolutely wanted more from you.

And who were you, his obedient little student, to deny him?

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What- what does Alphard think the Knight bus is? "Functionally a brothel"??? Is it?

The Man Who Would Be King by me and @therealvinelle

In the words of @therealvinelle in a comment that asked just this

It's a bus consisting of beds that nobody ever takes, the people on it are just on it for the sake of… hanging out, nothing to see here… and no one takes it apart from Harry that one time he accidentally flagged it down. Never mentioned as an option by anybody, and as Heyob wrote in their fic (as we had the same idea at the same time, I love Heyob for this) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54186907) Ernie is paid enough to tell people not to fuck on the beds but not enough to recite that rule. In other words, that Knight Bus is just so unbelievably shady, massive opium den vibes, I'm if Harry asked Stan would have given him a blunt.

My answer is functionally the same but I can go into more detail.

Who Takes the Knight Bus

We have generally one solid general reason people would deign to take the Knight Bus: those who cannot Apparate and those who cannot use the Floo network.

Now, this might be those who could not afford Apparition lessons and or never passed their exams as well as those who are not on the Floo network in general. You could also have those who legally cannot Apparate, such as Harry when he was underage in book three. And also those who are not in a state to Apparate or Floo: in other words those who are hopelessly inebrieated.

Basically, if you can do the other two though (or portkey) you're not taking it because you can get where you're going faster, easier, cheaper (Knight Bus takes longer and while costs miniscule sickles that still more sickles than you'd pay to Apparate and you have to deal with the fucking bus).

So daytime hours you might have a small but decent commuting crowd during rush hour or what have you the same you do in most public transit.

But what happens when everything... closes...

Now you don't have the people going to and from work or to and from stores, everything's closed. When Harry rides it in third year at night, we see everything weirdly change to beds and the people riding it are just... loitering around... not leaving. They're in fact all served refreshments.

What you have then are the drunk people returning from pubs who are too sloshed to go home/don't want to go home yet and people who don't want to rent a room for however much money/be at a known establishment where people might recognize them and instead pay 3 sickles to ride the bus with the beds on it to have their fun.

Basically.

It's the shadiest fucking thing to be riding at three am and there is no universe in which it is not functionally a brothel between the hours of 12 to 5 am per the way JKR describes its operations.

[rosanna-writer]

Hello again gorgeous, Secret Santa calling! 💖📞✨️

Hope your day is going well. Are you doing good? I love our talks.

But darling, I MUST know - what are some of your favourite fanfic tropes, especially when it comes to our dear Feysand? Any favourite fic recommendations? I'm chomping at the bit to know.

Until tomorrow, lovely.

- Secret Santa 🎅😘✏️

HELLO MY DEAR I'M GOOD HOW ARE YOU

Favorite tropes: canon divergence, role-reversal, shifters and monsters, all the goofy "what if you can't see color until you meet your soulmate"/"first words your soulmate speaks to you are tattooed on your body"/etc soulmate AUs, "missing scene" fics

OK SO FEYSAND FIC RECS TIME TO GUSH THE REAL GIFT IS TALKING ABOUT THESE FICS

Poltergeist Darling by @thesistersarcheron is the spooky gothic romance AU that speaks directly to my inner 12 year old self who just discovered Phantom of the Opera and had her entire world changed

You know when you're like "damn, that's a great idea for a fic, I hope someone writes it so I can read it"? That was me with The Thief and the Rake, I swear @popjunkie42 is living in my brain or something (and I know @annaskareninas ALSO has one that's in the tbr list I'm slowly making my way through!)

Tempt My Trouble by @whatishowedyouinthedark because come for the smut (lol pun unintended), stay for the caretaking and art museum heists. Also the scattering of little canon details in a modern mafia AU is just so clever and fun

Queen of Thieves by @the-lonelybarricade because I love AUs where Feyre is born fae but also this might be the hottest Rhys she's ever written??? I still think about that scene where Feyre falls asleep on Rhys's lap after dinner

And speaking of born fae AUs, To Steal A Bride of Spring by @yourstarsmyscars is another favorite of mine, with Feyre knowing a bit more about what's going on than ACOMAF, this is just one of those warm and fuzzy, "what if they didn't have to be so mean to each other?" fics that are so soothing to read

@foundress0fnothing is a legend for making the Pied Piper hot in whistles far and wee like the flute is such a deeply unsexy instrument it should not work but she's a witch and the fic is so good and Rhys is seductive af!!!!

Your Eyes Whisper Have We Met literally has EVERYTHING you could possibly ask for in a feysand fic. @climbthemountain2020 is serving swoony regency balls and dream conversations and fun OCs and Under the Mountain suspense, she is doing it ALL, it's insane just go read it

I re-read Spirit in Disguise by @witch-and-her-witcher the other day, and it's another one of those "huh I wish someone would write this AU, OH LOOK SOMEONE DID" fics because damn do I love anything where Feyre meets Rhys before he's High Lord, and all the worldbuilding and the way the plot just dovetails to seamlessly with the main Nessian fic it branches off from are so, so good

Hot for Teacher by @beesays goes SO HARD on the school setting, it's just delightful. The emails, the gossip, Feyre handing Superintendent Rhys his ass in front of everyone, it's like Abbott Elementary but better and also Feysand

There are a ton I'm probably forgetting, but I'm so bad about actually bookmarking things so I'll stop here so my night doesn't devolve into tracking down fics I only remember the plot of but not the title or the author!

everyone go leave all these authors nice comments on their fics!!!

[sunnydbd]

some fanart of HEAT STROKE! by @zorno-graphic on ao3 + 3L!Scar

text in second pic: You're a messy eater

uncensored link : ❤︎︎

twt : @ sunnybutlame

the rest of this post is just yapping abt the fic,, so light spoilers for heat stroke!

ngl im super nervous posting this and idk why??(i do, its bc im tagging the author..)

anyway, i didnt think this fic would ever be finished as the months went on and rolled over into next year but then i got the email notification and nearly screamed(yes that is embarrassing to admit..)

i cant, and probably could never, fully explain the sheer amount of detail that zorn put into this fic(and also the other fic ive read from them, Tweetheart, which is my roman empire) youll get more insight, and far less rambling brain slurry from the recesses of my animal brain, if you read both the fic and the comments as discussions on there are far more introspective citing direct quotes from the fic also have great author feedback, the rest of this post is something i wanted to note

the fic is riddled with contrasting elements(im mostly focusing on chapter 2 when i say this as its fresh in my mind) like in the descriptors, monologue, and characterization. 

comparatively Grian’s and Scar’s characters are complete opposites, Grian’s invasive to intimacy and outright tries to deny it(trying to physically leave their house) while Scar is the one who initiates the intimacy and craves vulnerability(not saying Grian doesnt initiates anything between the two just that Scar is less repressed.)

a similar example of this is in the sex scenes, the inherent intimacy of sex and how Grian acts during(practically begging sometimes) is contradictory to his established character, standoffish(once again im directing you to the comments as lovely user sheepfriend and zorn have a great conversation further explaining Grian’s character better than i am) while Scar is so delightfully pathetic and almost takes a submissive role(??) which is against his confident demeanor throughout the fic(dunno know where else to mention this but i love the uses of dog imagery for Scar its just so good, mwah chef kiss)

 in Grian’s inner monologue he feels remorse when looking at the scars hes caused on Scar’s body but then later on, still in his inner monologue, revels in the fact that hes left his physical mark on Scar(again reading those comments from sheepfriend and zorn give far more insight) 

water and thirst is often used as a metaphor for desire in the more intimate scenes, "Water sidling up to the hard coast that is Scar’s body, the firm landing strip of bones.”, “He’s thirsty, he realizes, the withering curling need gathering on his tongue and down his throat.” this imagery is very contrasting to their environment, which is a desert, and also to the catalyst of the fic, Grian’s heat(in an etymologic sense rather than in the context of the fic)

theres in fact no thesis statement to this long post aside from the fact that zorn loves the use of contrast(thats the entirety of the 2cents i wanted to chip in,) but if you want a far better explanation of the insane rambling i just wrote i direct you to this lovely post by zorn from his blog ! i recommend if you havent read HEAT STROKE!(or Tweetheart because its good !!) you should read the fic first and then the post as it really puts the vibe you get throughout both fics into words❤︎︎❤︎︎

honestly zorn's writings have greatly influenced my writing and(when i first read Tweetheart) got me back into writing, their writing style is so good and is chalk-full of detail and care i truly cant recommend their works enough or put it into words(which is why this paragraph is so rambling,,)the sheer amount of creativity and detail in every aspect of his fics❤︎︎❤︎︎

also, didnt know where else to mention it, i love the way zorn writes Grian's and Scar's dynamic(like?? hellofjdkj???)

i have no idea if this makes any sense i havent slept in hours and its catching up to me,,.

[neerons]

Hi! How are you doing? I wanted to ask if you know some stories that are similar to MK. It can be another game, manga/webtoon, or even movies/series/dramas. I want to read or watch a similar story with an interesting plot and deep stories, but not too complicated. The storyline has to be logical/coherent and well written. The characters must be strong and have interesting personalities, good developments and if possible, good relationships too. I don't have a particular theme in mind, but I'd like some romance in the story (the two lovers are equals). If you have some recommendations or if someone else has some stories to share, I'm interested! Thank you ❤️

Hi! I'm very good thank you. I hope you're doing well too ❤

I'm not going to help out much when it comes to other games, webtoons, movies or series as what I play, read or watch in these categories don't really fit Masquerade Kiss' universe.

Anyone is welcome to leave recommendations as well. Try to tag @ himawari ⬆ for visibility so your comment can be seen

MK is pretty unique so not everything I recommend is even 50% close to being similar to MK, so I mostly rely on core details that match.

However when it comes to mangas/animes, there are ones I can instantly think about, and some others that have similarities as well. Some of them don't involve romance but I tried to think of ones who do.

Black Butler

If you're looking for something similar to Kei's route, let me introduce you to my favorite anime and manga ✨ Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji ✨

It doesn't involve the romance you're looking for, but the story is deep, linked to religion and a sexy demon butler, with one of the main characters (Ciel) having a very similar past to Kei. It's actually the only one I can think of that is so similar to MK overall, but it's definitely darker.

It involves the same things we see in Kei's route in general: rejection of religious faith, demons (but here an actual one), philosophy about what being a human is, child abuse in a religious setting, being left as an orphan, and another thing very similar to Kei that I will not spoil as it is a big plot twist in the manga. (But tbh I wouldn't be surprised if the writer in charge of Kei got inspired by Black Butler)

(However, keep in mind that if you watch the anime, you need to look up the episodes that are adapted from the manga so the plot stays coherent (the anime has some parts of S1 and S2 that were invented, and you should avoid watching those, unless you want to, if you want to understand the actual plot)

The Apothecary Diaries

The romance is not completely established yet even in the manga, as it is slow burn. However the FL is extremely interesting and strong, intelligent as well as very funny. The ML is equally as good, and both have a very interesting relationship.

I recommend this one especially for the "equals" part you're looking for, but the era they're in in this universe doesn't fit MK's. But the story is quite deep and not that hard to understand

Spy x Family

This one is linked to spies and assassins, and family life in general in a cold war setting. I realize as I'm writing this just how much I suck at doing these masterpieces justice btw.

Anyway, the characters are extremely good. The story, with all its comedy and funny moments, is also quite profound as you have characters start to understand what love is (kind of similar to MK as well in this aspect?) and well, it's about ✨ spies ✨ I like to compare the MK Boss and Twilight (the ML) as they're incredible at their work.

The romances are not well established as well in this one but they're slowly building.

The era is also a bit different, but it's not too shocking

Kaguya-sama: Love is War

This one is also a funny one. The FL and ML and side characters are all amazing and well written. It's an elite high school setting. It's not dark like the others ones I've mentioned and is more of a comfort anime/manga.

I think the characters' banter can be similar to what we're used to see in MK, and it's a lovely, although frustrating at times, slow burn

7th Time Loop: The Villainess enjoys a carefree life married to her worst enemy!

I almost tired my fingers out typing that title, but this anime has a really good romance with a very independent, strong, intelligent and capable FL, with a strong, cold but actually tender ML.

Not the same era as MK again, but it's another one with both leads being equally as good and having a good relationship (although it's not easy at first). The FL's belief in justice and her kindness are also similar to our lovely MK MC as well.

I don't know if you have already watched or read those, but that's mostly what I could think of. Sadly, I have yet to find one very similar to MK's glamour, sensual, funny and dark vibe myself but I hope I helped you a bit, and if I didn't, then I'm sorry and I hope you'll find something good!

I guess the Mission Impossible movies that the MC loves so much are actual inspirations for MK? So you might be interested in those if you haven't watched them.

The movie or series about Hannibal Lecter with Mads Mikkelsen for Kei's route as well? Although I haven't watched it myself so I don't know if it was an inspiration, and it's gore, so be careful with the warnings

I could recommend you French romantic movies that MC would enjoy and that would be similar to MK (as MK heavily implements French references in its content), but I won't be able to guarantee there'll be a translation for you to understand, so I'm giving up the idea

Thank you for the ask, and have a lovely day/night ❤