#also if you think these are all symptoms of any sort of mental health conditions please lmk

[fiapple]

not to be mean, but if you've never had a restrictive ed or bdd then maybe just stop talking about body checking? 90% of the time you lot have no clue what you're talking about, and as someone who's struggled with those issues a majority of my life, the misinformation it spreads can be really damaging to people who are sick regardless of their recovery status.

(please read op tags before you decide to argue, thanks)

[joverflowers]

..

[ladyloveandjustice]

Mental Illness in Anime

I saw someone say Komi Can't Communicate is the only anime they've ever seen that talks about mental illness and that's kinda sad, so for you to not end in the same boat, I've decided to put together an overview of mental illness in anime, what I'd recommend, what comes with caveats, and so on.

It's a little nebulous what "talks about mental illness" means as lots of anime depict characters who are very obviously depressed, traumatized and even suicidal (suicide will be mentioned a lot in this list, so watch out for that), but don't directly name mental illness. It is very stigmatized in Japan, even moreso than many other countries, you don't see much talk about therapy and so on.

However, naturally there are many Japanese people who are mental health advocates, and I found an interview with Makoto Kageyama, a mental health awareness advocate who volunteered at Aokigahara forest. He points out anime he feels deal with mental illness. One we'll cover fully, many of them I haven't watched:

I think the most accurate and positive portrayals I got were actually from Kiriyama Rei (March Comes in Like a Lion), Naruse Jun (The Anthem of the Heart), Miyamura Miyako (ef: A Tale of Memories), Takeya Yuki (School-Live!) and Smile (Ping Pong: The Animation)

I'm super open to suggestions for additions, and might be adding them as reblogs and under the cut.

I'll also be making a post on mental illness in manga if this post does well, which I will link here when I post it.

So I'll start:

Anime that directly discusses mental illness:

March Comes in Like a Lion- not only is the main character one of the most accurate depictions of depression I've ever seen, it's the rare anime that actually talks about counseling, showing a traumatized character attending counseling and slowly getting back on her feet.

Orange--it...certainly is about mental illness, but it's a pretty mixed/problematic one because it seems to be confused by how mental illness works at times. It centers around a character who's suicidally depressed and his friend's efforts to save him after receiving a time travel message about his future suicide. It also does mention offhand that this character was supposed to go to therapy and is skipping out at one point. But yeah, how it handles it is...not always great. It kind of gives an impression that if you try hard enough you can "fix" someone's suicidal depression. With friendship. I guess. You have been warned.

I haven't watched it in a really long time, so it might even be worse than I remember. But I'm including it bc I definitely cried and felt parts of it were very relatable when I saw it way back when. so there's some resonant stuff there.

Monster: Kind of mixed, but it's definitely notable as an anime that not only has a psychiatrist as a major character, but also shows prominent characters going to therapy and getting better. Characters go to him for alcoholism, depression, PTSD (PTSD is not named but yeah it's definitely PTSD). At one point he helps a main character recover some repressed traumatic memories.

What makes it mixed is that while several heroes definitely are mentally ill in some way, the (complex) antagonist of the series also has some sort of mental health condition , and the story is often weirdly muddled about it. At one point they make it out like he has Dissociative Identity Disorder (calling it "split personality") but then he never shows any symptoms of that and it's kind of dropped and not bought up again. He does definitely have repressed traumatic memories though, so maybe that's all they were getting at but said it very badly.

A heroic character that actually seems to have Dissociative Identity Disorder and YMMV in how it's handled and how accurate it is. It's a "the other personality is violent" one, but rather than the other personality being evil, it's. a defense mechanism, and the violence is always in self defense or defense of others..

Sort of names the problem:

My New Boss is Goofy: One of the main characters is recovering from an abusive boss, and definitely has anxiety attacks and flashbacks as a result. This is directly named as "trauma" (though much like in the West where the loan word came from, anime characters use the words to refer to minor things that aren't mental illness too. But in this case it's treated very seriously). At any rate, the entire anime is about others helping the MC slowly recover with his new boss and friends showing immense compassion for his anxiety and other problems. Here's a good article going into it!

Anime that focuses on social anxiety:

I think what stands out about Komi is that it directly says she has a communication disorder, but tons of anime focus on characters with social anxiety, and even state what the problem is directly.

Bocchi the Rock- The girl with the social anxiety is the main character and not the bland self insert guy who has a crush on her?, amazing. it lets her be a mess too? whaaat. Yeah, Bocchi does say directly she has severe social anxiety, and the series is very relatable in how it explores that. There are a lot of gags about it, but in a knowing, sympathetic way. Her recovery is realistically slow, and sometimes she backslides. She talks directly about her social anxiety, using the term.

Tsuritama: MC's social anxiety is so bad he can have panic attacks when people talk to him...the attacks are also represented in this really interesting way where they have water come in to drown him.

My Roommate is a Cat: Man dealing with social anxiety slowly recovers with the help of his cat. It's cute. Here's an article going into it!

Anime that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonates:

Natsume's Book of Friends: I wrote an entire article about how relatable it is to me and my mental illness, how it uses the characters seeing yokai as metaphor for mental ilness at times (Natsume was textually mistreated by so-called guardians who thought he "wasn't right in the head" and his grandmother was often called that too) but also Natsume shows a lot of textual symptoms of trauma (possibly PTSD), depression and so on, and they're explored very poignantly. Here is my article: “The Courage to Speak”: Mental illness and recovery in Natsume’s Book of Friends

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Probably one of the most poignant explorations of what it means to be depressed and traumatized as a teenage girl. Several moments with Utena herself resonate, starting with when she was a child and declares she doesn't want to go on living, Anthy is also...dealing with a lot, and it's powerful how the show goes into it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion-- Many characters in it show symptoms of mental illness. Though it isn't named as depression directly (i think?), but Shinji shows every symptom you can think of, and the director Anno has said that he was extremely depressed while making it and channeled a lot of that into the characters, and we definitely see his mental journey for the better very strongly reflected in the reboot.

Kyousougiga: One of the main characters is suicidally depressed (this one is graphic, because he commits suicide on screen...only it turns out he can't die), and his journey towards becoming okay with living is a focus and was very resonant to me.

She and Her Cat: A short anime about a girl who definitely has depression and how her cat helps her. Rather simplistic ending but it's good otherwise. CW animal death too, but in a very gentle way.

Haibane Renmei: It deals with suicidal depression and other mental health struggles in a pretty intense way, it's touching, but if you have triggers consider looking into it.

Fruits Basket: Truly a cocktail of mental illnesses among the cast. YMMV on how it's handled but some parts really resonate. These articles go into it:

The Always Smiling Girl: How Tohru critiques toxic positivity

“A Man Who Can Experience His Feelings”: Fruits Basket, toxic masculinity, and mental health

Colorful: This is a submission from Nickyenchilada from the notes of this post: "I would also recommend the movie/novel Colorful. I think YMMV on how it handles the central issue of suicide but I think it does portray how even kids can be thrust into very complex situations without necessary outlets for coping with them."

Vinland Saga: This was an addition I got from a discord conversation, the entire second season explore the main character's PTSD

Yuri on Ice- A conversation on discord reminded me that a lot of people read Yuri as having an anxiety disorder, which I can totally see!

A Silent Voice- a submission from @boku-no-anime-phase who says: "I think it deserves its own shout out! This movie is nuanced, gentle, beautifully told and brimming with hope. I love the fact that just like in real life, things don't resolve particularly easily; but the characters make important progress that's rewarding to watch. TW for suicide discussion, ideation and attempt".

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "YMMV but there's an arc that deals with bullying and memory loss where a character who deals with those things is supported and encouraged through it".

My Happy Marriage - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "also YMMV but I think there were some lovely moments in this where you can see Miyo beginning to heal from her trauma and abuse, and learn to trust."

Anime Feminist has a whole host of articles on mental health in anime and they're all here. It covers a lot of different anime I don't know about or didn't mention and offers a lot of cool perspectives, so check 'em out! Here's a few that stuck out to me:

Finding Inner Magic: Depression in The Ancient Magus’ Bride

(I don't like this anime's narrative due to the issue with the ending pointed out in this article, but it did have resonant moments of exploring depression).

How Clean Freak! Aoyama-kun compassionately handles mental illness

The Sound of Depression: Liminal spaces, sound design, and Super Cub

From Yandere Girlfriends to Social Anxiety: Handling mental illness in The Future Diary and A Silent Voice

Footnote on Hikikomori in anime:

Any anime that focuses on Hikikomori characters are dealing with characters that are mentally ill, as being so depressed/traumatized/agoraphobic/anxious you can't even leave your room or house is obviously not mentally healthy. But what really matters is how that’s handled and if these issues are explained, as Makoto Kageyama notes:

Usually, the most common issues I’ve seen covered is the “hikikomori phenomena” and light eating disorders. Basically, a bullied character that becomes a recluse out of social anxiety, but… The characters don’t usually get shown correctly, since their issues are not explained properly and basically it ends up with a “Hey, see? People are not that bad, we are your friends!” and “Yay, I have friends, I am cured and I can trust others again!” Which is not the case, because real hikikomori can take a lot of talk and patience to get them out and when they get back to normal society (if they do), they become very wary of others. And ironically, “hikikomori” has also been used as a “moe trait” in anime even though it’s a mental health issue.

One I saw a lot of people namedrop as handling it well when I googled around was Welcome to the NHK, though I haven't seen it. But, if you look at Nickyenchilada's take in the comments to this post, it's mentioned as being resonant and it's noted that the recovery is not an easy fix, and it's also noted that several characters in the story are mentally ill.

Bonus list:

Neurodiversity in Anime- (that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonate)

I initially didn't include a neurodiversity section in this post because I honestly could not think of any anime that directly talks about neurodiversity or has a textually neurodivergent character.

(However, there are manga that actually do! I pointed some out in my Mental Illness and Neurodiversity in Manga post I did to complement this one!)

You can also read some articles about neurodiversity in anime here

And the list of characters that can simply be read as neurodivergent is huge, and if I tried to list every popular read it would be endless, plus I don't feel comfortable "diagnosing" any characters with developmental disorders I don't personally have. However, I am willing to take suggestions from others on this one, so here are a few!

Mob Psycho 100 - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says " Mob is autistic and I will die on this hill; the trouble he has with fitting in, relating to others and knowing the right things to do imo stems directly from that."

Princess Jellyfish - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says "I'd be willing to bet that all the women who live in that apartment are neurodivergent. They all have their special interests and they live together in mutual neurodivergent infodumping bliss and it's wonderful. (Unrelated but TW for sexual assault and some transphobia)"

Chihayafuru- submission by @noisepartythumpingmusic who says "It's never noted explicitly, but I firmly believe the main character of Chihayafuru has ADHD, which is perfect for a main character of a sports" josei. As someone who does have ADHD, I personally can totally see that read of Chihaya (the main character)!

Anti-recommendations (as in seems potentially resonant but then drop the ball hard, because if I listed all the anime that's blatantly gross about mental illness from the second the subject comes up we'd be here all day) (Dead Dove Do Not Eat)

Wonder Egg Priority: Starts out like it's going to be a nuanced exploration of recovering from abuse, suicidal depression, and so on, only to end up incredibly stupid and offensive. The writer also believes some stupid and misogynist things about "reasons" girls commit suicide. This article goes into it a little.

Your Lie In April: Depiction of depression and trauma is completely undermined by how all the characters tell the MC he needs to get over it because his talent for piano is more important, and the clumsy, gross take on forgiving your abuser, and so many other things. This article goes into it.

---

And that's it for now! Again. I might be updating this with new stuff based on feedback or me remembering something I missed, through both updates and adding stuff under the cut.

[kindnessoverperfection]

I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

[i-yap]

Disorders batboys s/o have( dick and jason ver)

Im a psychology student and i think everyone in this world has some symptoms if not full blown disorders. I also struggle with GAD and I have worked in 2 psychiatric hospitals so far in one I got a lot of readings+ 2 months , 8hrs on weekdays hospital shifts in 4 sectors. I don't mean to offend anyone but if you have a certain disorder it does determine a lot of your personality traits and therefore make you incompatible with certain types of people. this is just a " oh I think the batboys could take care or be compatible with someone with this disorder enough to not hamper their healing "

Anyways..(im so scared to post this)

Dick grayson- mood disorders (major depressive diroder. bipolar disorder, seasonal depression, burnout)

Dick is this silent mother hen sort of figure. he loves taking care of others, it fills him with altruistic feelings and helps him feel needed. Someone with a mood disorder needs someone they can go and be sad with without feeling judged. Dick understands that burnt out feeling really well. He understands how sometimes you just want to let your feelings go through you. He is warm sunshine personified, joyful calm and reliable. He likes taking care of you, the small quiet moments. He will find small personal ways to make your mood a little more bearable however he can without overwhelming you.

"he comes back from his crime fighting to find you in bed. he recognizes your mood instantly. slowly approaching you and gently kissing you awake .

"hey baby ", "youre back dickie" "mhm how long have you been in bed?" " I don't know" "I'm starting a bath, would you like to join me" "I don't really feel like moving" "ill carry you" ."

Jason todd- anxiety disorders ( generalized anxiety disorder(gad), phobia, panic attacks, separation anxiety disorder(sad))

gad- the fact that jason literally fights crime every night and is super impulsive/doesnt care about his safety, so seeing you almost ripping your head off from worry for him not only warms his heart ( he thinks you hate him and struggles to believe that YOU could give someone like him any attention but here you are) but also makes him take better care of himself for your sake. he hates seeing you worried but he loves calming you down. holding your hands tight, replecating meditation style breathing and mindfulness practices. kissing you overthinking head. hugging you when you stress cry, giving you massages.

Phobia- he understands triggers better than anyone else, he will be your big bad protector making sure to help you avoid the item that's causing you phobia. holding your hand and hiding you behind him if you have social anxiety, making sure to avoid triggering environments if you have agoraphobia, killing all snakes in the world if you have a phobia of them( he seriously suggests it but you stop him cuz it'll hurt the ecosystem)

Panic attacks- he has them too, either you have learned a way to deal with them and teach him or he has learned a way to deal with them and helps you . if he hasn't before meeting you, he has a new much stronger motivation to learn techniques or medication that can help deal with them for your sake and therefore also accelerate his healing

seperation anxiety-.. he has it too so like.( ik its more common in kids but adult sad is also a thing) both of you are clingy, its a win win for you two , fuck the rest of the world

again this is just my opinion okay? don't make mental health a taboo , if this post was about batboys x blind! y/n no one would have an issue. mental health is a condition and sometimes its out of our control, it depends on so many factors. Its nothing to be ashamed or scared of.

[nagichi-boop]

Vent about disability and driving (mostly about narcolepsy & driving):

For the longest time, I didn’t have the desire to drive because I was terrified at the idea. And when I realised I also related to the symptoms of narcolepsy and saw that it makes driving potentially dangerous, I hung onto that as my reasons for not wanting to drive — I used it as an excuse of sorts, despite not being confirmed to have it. (ADHD applies to this too.)

But recently I decided that I wanted to learn to drive. I watched videos that were educational about driving, I looked into cars and found the specific kind of car I would want, I calculated how much it would all cost and set up a budget. I was so freaking excited, even though I was also still nervous. The idea of being able to go where I wanted when I wanted was appealing. To have my own little space in my car and to decorate it to suit me. To stop being a burden on others for transport and getting places on my own.

But then the topic of my health came back up. I had a tilt table test this week that was positive for POTS, and without even prompting it, two people in my family separately asked whether it would impact my driving in any way. The answer was no — my POTS very rarely (if ever) makes me pass out, so that’s not an issue. But then it got me thinking about the issue of health and its effects on driving. In the UK, conditions like ADHD are ones you have to report to the DVLA (Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency), but only if it impacts your driving. But for a condition like narcolepsy, you are told to stop driving immediately and report it to them. You’re not permanently banned from driving — your doctor can clear you — but it’s one of the few conditions I’ve seen listed on their website that requires you to report it and stop driving.

Suddenly my dreams of owning a cute pink car, listening to my own music and having such freedom was crushed. I felt so upset and still am because of how much more my health impacts me than I thought. If it was just about the driving, so be it. But it feels like so many people already disapprove of me not working and not driving. I just wanted to claw back this one thing to prove that maybe I could have an ounce of independence and competence. But no. Now I have to keep dealing with people who think I’m lazy and unwilling to try to be better because my stupid health makes me utterly useless.

And I can’t even definitively say I have narcolepsy, so I can’t even say to people “I have a health condition that makes it dangerous for me to drive” because I am not diagnosed. Instead it would be something like “I might have a condition that makes it dangerous to drive, so I’m not bothering to drive in case I have this very rare condition.” Maybe I don’t even have it, but I’ve seen so much advice to not risk it until you’re potentially diagnosed an in treatment because being tired is as bad as being drunk, and I even though I often invalidate how tired I am, it could be super dangerous. I could potentially hurt or kill someone if I really do have narcolepsy.

I just feel so useless and pathetic. So many people my age drive. They work. They go out with friends. They’re dating. And me? I can’t do anything. I have to rely on other people for mental and physical support because my mind and body don’t work properly. I just…I wanted to be able to do something that felt like a step towards autonomy and independence, even if it was as simple as being able to drive. And it hurts that I also know that no one irl will understand this. They’d just say “well maybe you can try X” or “you don’t even know if you have X.” I told my mum I was planning to hold off for a bit while I get answers from the sleep doc, and she told me that I won’t be a dangerous driver and to just do it.

I just…why. Why is this my life.

[enby-wrights]

(warning i do not understand how tumblr works i have been on here for like two months and gathered absolutely nothing so i apologize if i did something wrong with like tags and the like? also i think i kind of sound like a youth pastor towards the end of this but it’s okay i do what i want. anyways)

greetings marble hornets fanbase i just have some (long) thoughts to share on tim and alex :) i have some Mental Health Hot Takes that are not worded well because i wrote this at one in the morning but feel free to read anyways. also i know that the marble hornets mental illness allegory conversation has been done to death but please let me throw in my two cents i am just a little guy and i even said please

in all my six long years traversing the Deep Dark Depths of the marble hornets fanbase, i’ve never been all that interested in exploring any kind of close relationship between alex and tim within the story-- i think 2006 alex comes off as a bit desperate and overbearing, and i think that would have made 2006 tim a little too anxious to attempt to get close to him. it’s just interesting to think that they wouldn’t quite fit together at the only point in their lives where they would have had the chance.

their position in the overall story as narrative foils to one another, however........... now that’s a tasty character dynamic if i do say so myself :) although essentially all of season three revolves around the conflicts between people as they react to the mental illness metaphor operator in their own Fun And Unique ways, alex and tim are undoubtedly the poster children of this concept. both of them begin dealing with almost identical issues, and their reactions to these issues shape their individual narratives in completely opposite directions. i was thinking about it while listening to the podcast great, more tapes today (which if you haven’t listened to it i totally recommend it even though it has been dead for a year) and it’s kind of a really great allegory for the ways in which people’s reactions to experiences with mental illness can either make or break our recovery. as someone who has intentionally made my own recovery worse on multiple occasions out of general manic faux edginess, the parallels kind of hit me really hard

i’m gonna highlight the differences between alex and tim’s reactions to the mental illness metaphor operator using a bullet point list because i’m autistic and all of my thoughts occur in bullet point lists actually

during the filming of alex kralie’s marble hornets, as their symptoms are both beginning to set in, we see alex alone incredibly often. tim, on the other hand, is always seen surrounded by other people (this also comes down to the contexts in which they were filming but whatever it’s artistic framing or something idk)

tim seeks medical attention. duh. i think it’s probably pretty safe to assume that alex did not seek any sort of medical attention for his mental health issues leading up to all that murder, otherwise there maybe wouldn’t have been murder

aside from seeking medical help, we also see tim seeking help (or at least visibility) from his peers. entry #66 is just tim yelling at jay about how scared he is. and even if jay isn’t really much help, he can at least see where tim is coming from in the future and has the opportunity to act accordingly (he does not take this opportunity but hey at least it’s there. as alex’s condition worsens, all we see is him lying to his loved ones about what’s going on. which is bad.

alex constantly walks in anger and fear. tim doesn’t stifle his emotions (i.e. him beating the shit out of jay), but he also acts logically and doesn’t dwell on them for too long

by season three alex is just fucking living all alone in the woods (which if you didn’t know is the opposite of seeking help)!! not only is he running around in an echo chamber but he chose to bring a gun into the echo chamber with him which is a really great way to become more mentally ill. tim on the other hand has a job, and a life, and people in his life who at least care enough about him to call him and see if he’ll be at work on time. he keeps busy and he interacts with the world around him and even when he’s having to constantly check in with his doctor to make sure he stays okay he is out and about and being a person

and it’s a weird thing to think about because when i’m at my worst psychologically i tend to bring a (METAPHORICAL) gun into my own echo chamber and sulk around in there until i start to believe some pretty shitty things about the world around me

but on the few occasions where i do manage to reach for help and respect my feelings while still existing outside myself it’s a miraculous feeling. i get better. and then i get worse again, because mental illness is a bitch, but it gets easier and easier to reach out every time.

and i think that’s part of the reason why alex gets eaten up by the idea of the operator while tim doesn’t. tim has experience with getting help, and he’s clearly developed a skill for taking care of himself. he just got lucky that his first time dealing with a mental health crisis wasn’t as fucked up as alex’s.

anways tldr alex kralie is my new example for what not to do in my mental health recovery journey also he’s a bitch 

(ps i don’t understand how i got to the end of this rant without mentioning masky a single time but i promise he fits into the mental illness allegory somewhere probably maybe)

[boinin]

Do you have any kunigami headcanons?

Hey! Thanks for the ask.

I'm one of those people that scours through canon for blorbo details to build on and develop in the fanfiction I write. So I actually don't have a huge amount of standalone headcanons for the individual characters? Beyond things like how they'd act in relationships, what they might do in the future, etc. That said, I have enough Kunigami thoughts to write a couple novels, so here goes. These are just general beliefs that could apply to Kunigami, personal to my interpretation of his character:

Kunigami is bisexual, but probably not aware of this while in Blue Lock. He finds it hard to differentiate between physical attraction and admiration when it comes to dudes. Chigiri and Barou particularly confuse him for this reason. Classic do I want to be them or be with them dilemma.

He's generally hopeless with matters of the heart. He's oblivious to peoples' crushes on him, male or female. He's turned a bunch of confessions down on the basis that he's too busy to date (aside from lack of interest). In true sports anime fashion, he has a one-track mind... it's all football under that orange cloud of hair.

Speaking of, he's considered shaving all his hair off to avoid sweat dripping into his eyes. His sisters talked him out of it—mostly because him being bald horrified them, but they used the excuse that with no hair to soak into, he'd have more sweat dripping onto his face, not less. His elder sister introduced him to the concept of an undercut while in middle school, which he's been rocking ever since.

If Isagi's team had chosen Reo after winning the 3v3, Kunigami and Chigiri together would have beaten Shidou and Igaguri without issue. Chigiri would have lifted Kunigami's spirits and deflected Shidou's taunts, helping turn things around. They'd steal Shidou despite Kunigami's serious misgivings about playing with him, then sail through to the third selection. Kunigami and Shidou don't get on during this process, but they do develop a begrudging respect. Shidou can't beat Kunigami in a fist fight, and Kunigami will acknowledge that Shidou is a phenomenal player.

The last few speculate about Kunigami having a mental health condition so I've tagged this for that and put the headcanons under a cut in case anyone isn't into reading those sort of takes about a blorbo. Also: post-s2 anime/chp 155+ manga spoilers below in case that's a problem.

At the time of Blue Lock, Kunigami has symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). It's one reason he's so dedicated to fitness and high performance. He experiences anxiety when he cannot complete his pre-decided training due to intrusive thoughts of something bad happening. While this was also the case for him before Blue Lock, it's really exacerbated by the dangling fear of getting kicked out and never getting to represent Japan nationally.

Him winning Wild Card is a by-product of his OCD traits in addition to his existing similarity to Noel Noa. Having confronted the reality of leaving Blue Lock post-2V2 loss, Kunigami saw the Wild Card as a second chance. Already used to pushing himself through punishing workouts, he performs better than his fellow WC peers.

It still does serious damage to his mental health, as the whole process validates the intrusive thoughts he'd previously been able to categorise as irrational. Now he could think, finish the next 20 reps or you'll get kicked out, without being able to contradict himself. Players are getting kicked out around him for not following Ego's insane training regimens.

Ego preys on Kunigami's thought patterns to reinforce the idea that he must forfeit his existing identity to assume Noel Noa's mindset. Kunigami internalises this so well, it extends beyond his footballing and training to his whole personality. Now, post WC, he refuses to even engage with his friends the way he used to, because something at the back of his mind will say, the old you wasn't enough, or, everything you went through will be for nothing if you go back to your old ways now.

This isn't how I characterise Kunigami in all the things I write—it's really just a stream of thought about why he's so dedicated to fitness and how he was able to succeed in Wild Card (at personal cost).

[cakesexuality]

Weight gain/loss (no specific numbers) discussion, vague mention of caloric intake, medication discussion, eating disorder discussion

I've been gaining weight and I know I'm not imagining it bc the scale reads higher

The only 2 other times I've been this weight have been when my ED was at its worst so my metabolism slowed down to conserve energy, and then again when I was at too high a dose of the wrong antipsychotic (and at first I thought I had PCOS which was causing weight gain -- turns out I don't have PCOS and it was just the Seroquel), so this is a sign to me that something is wrong

I was only able to lose the weight from those times bc I went into recovery so my body knew it would be getting consistent fuel and then bc I suddenly cut back on my dose one night, causing an episode that lasted for most of 2022

Even though I've been saying positive things about the medication, I think this weight gain from the last few months might be caused by Abilify, which is the AP least likely to cause these issues

My weight gain may also be from Alysena, which I've been saying good things about as well, and it's hard to tell bc I wasn't regularly weighing myself until very recently so it's hard to pinpoint when the weight gain began and I started Abilify not too long before starting Alysena so it's hard to say which drug is the problem

You guys were there when Latuda didn't pan out (despite being really good for my mood) bc I was getting tingling, burning, cramping, twitching, and hallucinations from it, so that's 3 for 3 APs I've tried that I'm not happy with

Someone in a mental health Discord told me to consider not taking APs anymore after reading what I had to say about this, bc they had a similar story, and I know lithium was a suggestion from the 2nd CAMH doctor and we haven't explored anticonvulsants very far (which weren't a suggestion from the CAMH doctor but I've tried Lyrica which caused an episode of some kind and I haven't tried any others) although idk how I would fare without an AP since I've been on them consistently since February of 2017 when I was having my big psychotic episode and any attempt to lower my dose beyond a certain threshold results in the resurfacing of symptoms like irritability, anxiety, and hallucinations

But there comes a few problems with asking a doctor about changing my medications to avoid weight gain

First problem is, when I gained all that weight from Seroquel and went to my nurse practitioner at the time, she insisted I was in relapse bc I said I was eating fewer than 2000 calories a day (which, at my height and activity level, is warranted even to just maintain weight... a bitch is 5'5" and sedentary), thought that I was lying about the scale reading higher (when she could have weighed me herself or asked a nurse to weigh me to make sure I was telling the truth), and said I needed a psychiatrist instead of any examination or labs to see if I had a physical ailment (bc again, I thought I had PCOS), so I'm afraid of that happening again -- although, this NP was really shitty at her job bc she wasn't willing to make sure I wouldn't go into anaphylaxis until I yelled and swore at her (something to the effect of "What the FUCK do Wellbutrin and depression have to do with my eyes being itchy and my nose being stuffy?!" and she jumped and gave a sort of "Oh, I guess youre right 😶" response and referred me to an allergist on the condition I also saw a psychiatrist, who I didn't go to see bc nobody can make me), and she had to leave the room to get out an entire book to flip through to DESPERATELY come up with the excuse of "your acne might get worse" when I pushed her to put me on Depo-Provera bc that was the only downside she could apparently find (news flash: my acne stayed the same the entire time I was on Depo)

Second problem is, like I said, it's hard to tell which medication this is from, so idk if I should ask the psychiatrist or the gynecologist or both

Third problem is, as I think I've said before, my GP is currently reluctantly in charge of my psych meds so she may not want to take me off Abilify herself and may make me wait until I see the psychiatrist, and I know she especially won't want to try me on lithium right before I'm handed off to the psychiatrist

Fourth problem is that I'm not seeing the GP until June, the psychiatrist until July, or the gynecologist until August, so it'll be a lot of simply waiting to be able to have this conversation with any prescribers

And I wouldn't be so concerned about gaining weight if it wasn't so physically uncomfortable for me to be this size

So that's where I'm at with my body and my medications 🤷‍♀️

[weenwrites]

Hi! I’m sorry if this is too hard but I never see any representation of Type One Diabetes and I was wondering if you could make a platonic fanfic of Garcello and Y/N, like he helps them go to appointments or let you vent to him about having type 1 diabetes. Also please ask me if you don’t know much about the condition I’m diabetic myself! Sorry for asking-

(I'm really sorry that this took such a long time, but I couldn't come up with any ideas to start the scenario off, so I hope that headcanons are fine. I did some research to write this, but if I got anything wrong about type-1 diabetes, let me know ˆˆ)

As your friend, Garcello would definitely want to help you out if you'd allow him to, so you should expect having chats with him about your condition. He'll ask questions such as: "what can I do to help?" "what would you like for him to do, to help you out?" "if you're experiencing low-blood sugar, what should he do for you?" "what foods can you eat and which ones are off the table?"

For someone so laid-back and easy-going, he does quite a lot of research on type-1 diabetes, but when it comes to actually helping and supporting you, he'll ask you those questions to make sure he's actually doing something that'll help you out. For example, if you'd want him to remind you to check your blood sugar whenever the two of you hang out, he'll try his best to keep that in mind and he'll gently remind you every now and then.

Or if you'd like him to comfort you whenever you feel distressed or if you're in any sort of physical discomfort due to the symptoms you feel, he'll try to help the best he can. In general he'd try and help you relax and do something you enjoy, go out for a walk, or the two of you can sit down and talk about it and rant to him, or if you want to do something else, that's fine with him so long as it helps you out. If your mental health starts to take a turn for the worse as a result of all the stress, he will not hesitate to intervene and talk to you, even suggesting therapy to help.

If you feel any physical pain like headaches or fatigue, he'll offer you some headache medicine or an ice pack and encourage you to lay down and get comfortable. If turning the lights off in the room helps with that, then he'll close the curtains, turn the lights down and dim the room.

He's willing to spend as much time as he needs to in order to learn how a glucagon spray works, or what he needs to do when you're experiencing low or high blood sugar. And now he usually keeps a snack or a drink on him to help raise your blood sugar or help with ketones if necessary.

He doesn't mind accompanying you to appointments, whether it be driving with you there, or walking. And while the two of you wait for the doctor to call you in, he could keep you entertained with a funny conversation, or the two of you could just enjoy one another's company in silence.

Whenever the two of you hang out—and if you like eating out at restaurants sometimes, he'll make sure to ask the server about the carbohydrate count if you forget to. Or if you prefer making your own food at home, he could help you prepare and cook it, but he's no Michelin star chef.

He tries his best to keep an eye out for any symptoms of high or low blood pressure, and whenever he thinks he's spotted one, he'll encourage you to check on your blood pressure. He'll say there's no harm in being too safe.

You already know this, but he has a bad smoking habit, and he sometimes tends to offer people a cigarette. Of course he learns that smoking can be really harmful to your health, so he tries to keep himself from smoking around you and he leaves any cigar pack he has at home. Despite being so neglectful of his own health at times, he doesn't extend the same courtesy to any friends of his. Especially if he cares a whole bunch about them. So in general, he'll make sure to do his best to help you take care of your own by providing whatever support you'll allow him to.

[biblioflyer]

Harm reduction or abdication? Balancing power, care, and autonomy in Picard's Federation.

The series presentation of mental health as an unsolved problem and the way it uses characters with questionable mental health within the narrative has provoked a lot of consternation and even backlash. The role of mental health in the narrative is something I discussed previously.

I'm picking back up on that theme to discuss and perhaps over analyze what the Federation's treatment of people with mental illness tells us about its relationship to the individual and to individual freedoms. Implied too is that the Federation of Picard is a place where straight forward solutions to ethical dilemmas we are grappling with today have not been found.

This is part of a series of essays reevaluating Star Trek Picard and interrogating the widely held fandom criticism that Picard made the Federation into a Dystopia.

Balancing Harm Reduction and Overreach: 

What do Raffi and Yvette Picard tell us about the Federation and how it understands the relationship of the state to the individual?

As I made a note of discussing the Federation and mental health, Raffi lives alone in a national park and is free to take recreational drugs and be depressed as long as she doesn’t make a nuisance of herself. 

When I say she is “free to” I don’t mean that sarcastically either. I also want to be extremely mindful of over emphasizing Raffi’s condition circa season one or be guilty of trivializing the impact it has had on her life. I am mindful of my own position in this as someone outside of the narrative, attempting to analyze a fictional character, with no special training, and even if I did have special training: I am someone who firmly believes in the Goldwater Rule. So take all of this with a medically inadvisable amount of sodium.

The freedom to be angry, depressed, and even self destructive, within reasonable limits, and not have someone drag you off to treatment against your will or make you contribute to society according to someone else’s rubric is a kind of freedom. In ethics and political science, this is often referred to as negative freedom or freedom from. As in freedom from someone else defining your ideal cognition or approach to life.

Raffi’s situation before Picard shows up with his bottle of wine and seduces her with stories of Romulan death squads represents freedom from material want. That’s the post scarcity promised by the techno utopian aspects of the setting, presuming we are humane enough to be happy with equitably shared abundance instead of still seeing a need to hoard and make people jump through hoops to prove their worthiness to exist.

Raffi’s state of affairs as of when we meet her in the present can be read one of two ways depending on your feelings about a number of thorny questions. Maybe it's the state failing her and refusing to take responsibility for her. If you are primarily viewing modern culture in terms of its abdications, this is a very natural lens to see through. 

The alternative viewpoint is that it's the state exercising restraint and choosing to set a high bar for denying a citizen her right to autonomy. Raffi may or may not have the capacity to coolly judge the benefits and consequences of treatment in actuality but, from the perspective of the Federation, the presentation of her symptoms is not sufficient for the Federation to make that choice for her. I want to be clear that I am well aware this sort of argument is routinely used to pretend that the denial of basic necessities of life and dignity by the state or a free market is a freedom from unions, state dependency, or any number of "freedoms from" that I regard as disingenuous.

I don’t bring this up to be flippant and to dunk on whichever ideological label you’d like to associate with each side of that argument or whichever side you think makes the weakest case. I avoided labels in the effort to have this part of the conversation taken more seriously. 

When a person can be deemed to be no longer capable of making decisions for themselves is among the most important questions a society can ask itself.

Erring on the side of autonomy risks needless suffering, even danger: hence the arguments in favor of red flag laws. Indeed, (season two spoiler) Yvette Picard may have lived had she been subjected to a mandatory mental health screening and treatment. 

Although this assumes the Federation has effective mental health treatments that don’t require a consenting patient. Given the emphasis on talk therapy in TNG and DS9, the Federation seems to prefer adaptation and accommodation over medical intervention. Which in turn implies that the brain is a tricksy thing to work with, even in the 24th century.

Erring on the side of safety and the elimination of suffering risks pathologizing people who are suffering from being a poor fit for their environment or the mislabeling of disruptive people to make them conform.

Treating people who struggle to conform as if they have a mental health problem was done previously to women who were unhappy with their assigned social roles, queer people who suffered from being unable to lawfully and emotionally accept the dictates of their natures, and is now the preferred way of addressing children who do not conform to their birth assigned gender in many parts of the United States, including where this author lives.

When mental / emotional suffering is because of circumstance not nature, a society that has no place for people who need a different set of norms may act to correct that suffering in a fashion that enacts a terrible price.

[runfast-runfar]

So life has been… eventful lately to say least

12/7/22

✨ so this month has been a ride, and it’s a week into it 😅

I have been having on and off back pain/muscle spasms for a few weeks now and it’s gotten significantly worse. In 2019 I had what was believed to be a pinched nerve which mimicked these symptoms, but unlike last time, it’s not getting remotely better. It got so bad that I ended up going to the ER on Monday of this week and there they became suspicious of a stroke. Low and behold an MRI of my brain showed damage from a stroke. Apparently younger people are more likely to have a “silent stroke” than a typical one. So now the worry is why I had a stroke and if it is a result of an underlying condition.

Also, side note, do other peoples IV injection sites bruise and HURT or is it just me?!

✨ so I have an x-ray scheduled for tomorrow which will show if I have any sort of growths potentially causing neurological problems. And then after the x ray we will be scheduling an MRI potentially followed by a lumbar puncture.

✨ I was in the ER and in the room next to me was a woman who had her family in there with her, and it made me so sad to realize I never have that when things go wrong. My mom always thinks I’m overreacting and when I asked my brother if he would come he got annoyed and said he’d drop me off but that’s all (it was early). And that just makes me pretty sad to think about I guess.

✨ it’s never a good time for health issues to arise, but man was this all awful timing. I am 5 weeks into my new temp to hire job and am having to request time off for doctors appointments etc and it’s crushing me bc I know this might mean I won’t get extended a full time position. It’s not like I’m an employee and they will let me go (that’s a potential lawsuit lol) but they can very easily just say it didn’t work out at the end of my temp time and I know if that happens it’d be bc of this situation which would suck.

✨ but I’ve been trying very very hard to not jump to worst case scenario with all of this. As hard as that’s been! But its been tough bc I have been literally sedentary; anddddd I JUST GOT MY OWN PELOTON literally the day before all of this happened and I haven’t even been able to ride it once bc of my stupid back! I can’t even go on walks bc of it. And that’s been, mentally, extremely extremely hard.

✨ so if you can, please cross your fingers that whatever is going on is benign and treatable and I’m back to running/biking/dancing around as soon as possible. My heart honestly needs it so so much.

✨ and then I included some pictures from before my back got really bad and I was out and about enjoying the California winter weather ♥️

[wildflowersnweed]

I know on the outside my bubbly personality is coming out, but on the inside it just feels like I’m a failure and I feel guilt, shame & embarrassment.

It’s a very awful feeling and I really don’t wish it on anyone…..

I’ve tried to accept that today is a new day, and tomorrow is as well, and that I have intake on Friday so I’m looking forward to something which in turn helps my MDD…

But at the same time, I’m extremely nervous because I had my first psychiatrist for 5 years & I finally got around to trusting him & then he left my mental health clinic.

Then I ended up with a really un-educated, forceful, & medically abusive and neglectful, Nurse Practitioner who “majored” (while in College years and years ago) in Psychiatry. But she is NOT a Psychiatrist by any means.

Honestly if I saw her again, before I fired her, I would tell her straight to her face that she is a Nurse Practitioner who needs to leave the Mental Health Profession COMPLETELY and just move to general medicine.

She doesn’t qualify to be in the Mental Health Services.

She denies you medication even if your body depends on it to be a functional member of society.

She is ALWAYS late, every single month for the past 3 years, on getting you your re-fills ON TIME!

She is 100% for Therapy being the ONLY treatment for any mental health condition.

She is against ANY AND ALL natural medications, herbs, or any natural therapies or treatments (such as an acupuncture and/or Chiropractic care) to treat any mental health issues.

She will also refuse to see you at your appointment if you are 5 or more minutes late.

She. Is. Fired.

I can’t believe I didn’t listen to my Therapist sooner!! She has been telling me since 2021 that “I can fire her”. Any time I brought up an issue with my Nurse Practitioner, my Therapist IMMEDIATELY went straight to me being able to fire her. I should have listened sooner. BUT, at least I listened eventually.

I hope that in time my brain can sort through all of the trauma, anger, sadness, regret, grief and pain because this $hit sucks. And clearly Klonopin is not the right drug for me, because I can take it as directed and prescribed, and it does NOTHING. I still have every symptom I had before I took it. It doesn’t work on my body. Hence, why I was previously prescribed 4mg daily, and she cut me down to only 1mg daily on the very first appointment. And it took me 3 years to realize that what she did was Medical Negligence because she was denying me of medication, that my body relied on, to be a functioning human in society. BUT NOOOOO obviously she didn’t want me to be a sane human being so she took that medication away almost completely. She did NOT wean me off of it either. So there ya go, medical abuse.

I have so many reasons to turn her a$$ in. I’m so pissed off that a mental health doctor gets away with basically killing people slowly. She has no intention on making anyone better. And the icing on the cake??? All of her patients are grouped together as one. She will say something to you and then say “But, all of my patients” or even “and all of my patients”. I am my own person thank you very much.

I honestly just hope that when I see my therapist again, I can tell her everything that I’ve been sending myself (via texts) so I can share what is on my mind and heart as it is there and I don’t have to try to think of something traumatic that recently happened…cuz everyone knows how forgetful I am.

I also have to get my butt to Spencer BEFORE Friday, so I can sign the legal documents to have my previous clinic send everything to my new clinic. And that’s just fantastic since my chauffeur (Hubz 😜) works everyday except Friday 🙄. Which means he has to take time out of his busy work day, just to drive me basically to sign $hit. Stupid… But I’m super thankful & proud that my courage came out in that moment to make that phone call. I’m glad I did. No more driving one hour just to get a freaking LATE re-fill on any of my medications. I just have to walk up the street 😂

Or be driven if it’s gross outside or if my chronic pain starts acting up.

I’m thankful for everyone who is being super validating right now. And for everyone who is being extra kind and gentle to me while I go through all of this.

It did lead to a complete mental breakdown, but thankfully a simple phone call to an emergency therapist, helped me get through it.

I’m thankful for everyone who is being super validating right now. And for everyone who is being extra kind and gentle to me while I go through all of this.

It did lead to a complete mental breakdown, but thankfully a simple phone call to an emergency therapist, helped me get through it.

Thank you for reading this, and know that if I sent it to you & opened up to you, that you are part of my inner circle, and you matter to me, and you are loved by me. You will always have a seat at my table.

Have a good day/night, wherever you are.

♥️&✌🏽

[athenabehavioralhealth]

Overthinking is Injuries to Your Mental and Physical Health

Think out of the box” and “Think before you act or”speak. Among the multiple well-known phrases, these two phrases are the most common ones that we often hear in our day-to-day lives since our childhood.

It is common for our parents to keep telling us the benefits of thinking and how it makes us look intelligent and also helps in solving any huddle of our lives.

But neither our parents nor anybody else tells us or alerts us against not thinking too much or how overthinking can negatively impact our physical and mental health.

Negative Effects of Overthinking

Overthinking can lead to a number of negative effects on an individual’s mental health. For instance, it can lead to heart attacks and high blood pressure problems.

While the physical effects of overthinking can be easily identified, this habit can negatively affect your mental health.

Therefore, it is important to ensure that you invest the right amount of time and energy into thinking.

This is because when your limit of thinking and tension begin to revolve around in a circle that has no end, or rather than executing a plan.

You make the same plan again and again or try to modify it within your brain because of the fear of failure. It is also possible that the idea of failure becomes so big in your brain that you do not want to even take any sort of risk.

This is called overthinking. One must remember that overthinking is an early-stage symptom of depression, uneasiness, and similar mental illnesses.

Overthinking can also lead to rumination. This refers to the thoughts that occur without any interruption and make one lead a life with bad feelings.

It can also be defined as a state of being very upset, which, in turn, leads to rumination and its repercussions. It is important to remember that its reoccurrence and the repetitive, negative impact of rumination play a crucial role in the development of depression or anxiety.

Moreover, it can badly impact the already existing mental illnesses (if any) in an individual by making the condition worse.

Techniques to Stop Overthinking

Engage Yourself:

Intrude your thoughts by engaging yourself in some or other activity that you enjoy.

It may sound easy to do, but it requires strong willpower to control your mind and divert the thought process. You can try anything, from dancing to your favorite songs to trying something new in the kitchen.

You can also pick a book or play a video game. The crux is that any activity that can distract you immediately from your current thoughts will work.

Practice Meditation:

Meditation is really helpful in curing many mental illnesses. You should make a schedule and put meditation in it.

Practice it for 15 minutes to an hour, as per your feasibility, as it helps to fight against negative thoughts and relax your mind and body.

Make notes:

Try to make notes of motivational thoughts and put them in places like your office desks, fridge, and bedroom.

This will allow you to see them every day and help you stay calm. Some of the common ones that can help are “life is too short to worry” and “tomorrow there will be a new day and a new beginning.

 If you use a computer or laptop, then you can also opt to make a wallpaper of some positive thoughts.

Socializing:

Meet and talk to your family and friends. Try to connect with people who have a positive outlook.

By socializing, you can get distracted, and you will also get a chance to discuss your thoughts and issues with your loved ones.

It is possible that either they can suggest something that you may not be able to do or that they will help you by recommending a good mental health rehabilitation center.

Learn from your past.

Start writing about the situation in the past where you thought that the world would end, yet you came out of it as a survivor.

Note down all your accomplishments, whether small or big, to draw inspiration and positivity.

Road to Recovery

Search for a rehabilitation center near me or a luxury rehab in India, and you will find a few good rehab centers like Athena Behavioral Health. It is NABH-certified, and experts here will talk to you calmly to understand the root cause of overthinking and how critical the condition is.

They will also try to identify if it is triggering other mental illnesses, like sessions for treatment.

If this impresses you and you know someone who needs such help, then Athena Behavioral Health is here to help you.

Please reach us through email at customercare@athenabhs.com or call us at +91 9289086193. It is our privilege to take the pain out of yours!

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I'm finishing my glass of wine before bed, and that's why I am still up, but did I ever tell you what happened when I tried to get genetic testing done?

So I go to my fucking doctor and I explain all the symptoms I have, and physical abnormalities, that -while mild or subtle on me- are usually the result of 2-3 specific chromosomal abnormalities, and point out that I would be better able to manage my health if I knew what cluster of exact mutations or missing genes were causing all of my laundry list of autoimmune conditions+...

And previously she had never entertained it, pointing out that most of these conditions usually came with mental impairment, and my IQ was well above average so I "couldn't" have these conditions, even though the DSM clearly states that mental impairment isn't necessarily present in all cases and it isn't a diagnostic requirement for any of these mutations or missing genes.

But this time she's like "Oh sure there's this genetic program in town who *could* do that testing, I'll refer you while they're in your area :)"...

Which seemed sus. I should have listened to my gut.

But I go into this traveling genetics lab and I have a very long discussion with them about my suspicions and they say "oh yeah chimerism with chromosomal abnormalities would explain all of that and is way more common than you would think, haha, we can totally check you for chimerism and run some tests... But we are also doing this program to test for specific onco-genes [cancer causing genes] we would like you and your mother to sign up. Well get those panels out of the way first and then see you back here :)" and the lady was so agreeable and charming and promised they'd help me sort it all out.

And I explicitly confirmed before signing the paperwork that I would only agree to these tests if they are still going to run the other ones because I wanted fucking answers. I think I wrote it on the fucking paper I signed and requested a copy.

So they tested me and my mother for some specific genetics.

And determined I didn't have the breast cancer genes specific to their study grant.

They then sent me two sets of paperwork, the first claiming I had some specific cancer-risk mutations unrelated to their work, and the second copy claiming I didn't after my doctor cancelled all the tests they ordered to make sure I wasn't developing the bowel cancer my uncle had just died from after there had been some intestinal bleeding. [my mother conversely, they checked and found precancerous polyps and removed them]

And then called me up to say I wasn't what they were looking for and by the way they were done with me and leaving town again. The other tests weren't happening ever through them.

Not only did they openly lie to me to get my genetic material for their own purposes while lying about testing me for what I wanted, but they used me to get to my mother... Because my family doctor KNEW what the genetic lab was for and KNEW my mother had breast cancer because she was also still my mother's family doctor at the time. She only sent me there because she was being paid to recruit patents with cancer to their fucking program... And referred me knowing they could get my mother to agree that way when she had already told them she wasn't interested.

They used me wanting answers about my absurd medical conditions and abnormalities to get to my mother, and get my genetic material in a complete violation of informed consent. Conditional consent is conditional and if you violate those conditions you are violating consent. The fuck.

So I still can't find a doctor or lab willing to check me properly for chimerism or most of the genetic syndromes I show some evidence of having. All mostly -literally- because I'm intelligent enough they don't think it's possible, but visibly autistic enough that they think they can get away with brushing me off as stupid and irrational at every turn. But having a few different genetic sources would explain how I seem to have fluctuating symptoms of damn near every autoimmune condition an begin a chimera would explain how my body acts like some of my cells are male maybe, and I seem to have a clotting disorder at some times and not others and the crookedness of my pinkies and elbows and borderline microcephaly and the distinct partial hearing and vision loss on just the right side of my body and the two slightly different eye colours and some of the tumours I am prone to and how I tower over my mother despite that her mitochondrial dna should have capped my height at 5'4" as an afab child and my weirdly long limbs, and the lack of a nasal bridge and the spacing of my eyes being abnormal compared to my parents and their parents and ect, etc, etc.

But it's all mildly expressed enough to not be immediately apparent on looking at me [long limbs and 'cute' features are considered attractive on a 'woman' and therefor fit a bias of "looks healthy to me"] and so long as I am not "what we were paid to study" I don't get to have answers no matter how much it would help me manage my health.

They'll only diagnose the syndromes and mutations I have one at a time decades apart as it saves them from having to deal with more annoying possibilities [having to address partial organ failure or the possibility of chronic but stealthy hepatitis], so long as it lets them brush me off as having nothing that matters or that they can help with, and in the meantime I can suffer with being a constant in-born graft versus host battle of organ against tissue, and they won't even bother acknowledging I have an intersex condition to my face or let me take whatever hormones I think would help my mental and physical health.

And to my credit, I didn't bite a single person through any of this.

Yet.

[maukuja]

.

I went to see a doctor via occupational healthcare today to get a referral to neuropsych on the public side and that was Not Nice. The doctor seemed reluctant to write it and seemed like she didn't really believe me that I need that stuff. Which like, yeah I get that, I'm having a good patch right now and don't actively want to end it, but it will right back to that when this patch ends. The lines to even get to see anyone on the public side are long, so it's better to try to get an appointment now than later when I'm in the pits.

She also pointed out that I did finish my Master's degree on time which like, yeah, why do you think my mental health is shit? You go do a master's in Physics and then tell me how well your mental health made it through that. I've always had good grades, both in school and in 'I don't want to live anymore, actually', those are not mutually exclusive. I know it might be hard to believe if you've only seen typical depression cases, but my doctor in shitty healthcare, you are writing the referral precisely because my mental health problems are stupidly nuanced and complicated. I fucking wish it was just depression and not some combination of bpd, bd and autism that makes me have depression as a symptom of those issues. Two different psychiatrists, internet therapy for depression and five visits to a psychologist, and we barely know what might maybe be the problem! All of those conditions overlap in symptoms to some degree and I don't have a clear-cut case of any of those!

She did write me the referral, but she did also make it clear that she's not sure that they will actually accept it, since I'm not doing bad enough and it's coming from the private sector. I know she can't lie there about the severity of the issues, but like, man. I've been suicidal since I was twelve. It's a miracle that I'm even still here. You don't think that warrants getting help? Even if right now it's a good patch? You think that maybe I'm actually fine now, despite it being this same loop of fine-suicidal-fine-suicidal for twelve fucking years?

It was already such a struggle to make myself try to get help for these issues because funnily enough, I actually triggered some intervention from the school welfare officer based on my answers in a depression screening in like 8th grade. They talked to me and discussed stuff with me and then told me that well, you already are doing all the things I could teach you to do, so I can't really help you. Which was super cool because I still was really depressed and suicidal. Very nice to hear that you're already doing everything right that you should do to not want to kill yourself, yet you still do. It took me ten years to try to get any help from healthcare because I was so scared that I'd have to hear that again.

This is not even for me to get help with that stuff either. It's just to get some sort of diagnosis on what is going on with my head so that they can have some clue how to treat the problems. I was looking to get therapy, but it doesn't really make sense to get therapy if they don't know what they are treating, so they won't write a referral to that. I need to get a referral to be diagnosed so that I can get a referral to therapy so that it won't cost an arm and a leg to get therapy. And to get that I have to go to the doctor and have her look at me frowning and not understanding. Looking at me like I'm fine and just lazy or something.

Realistically, this just how the situation seems to me. The doctor was probably frowning just because she had to make sense of a lot of text from all those psychiatrists and the psychologist and figure out how to write the best referral, regardless of how much she believed me. I just wish she'd had a more friendly and understanding approach to me as a patient. I wish I could have left there feeling like there is now actually a chance for me to get the diagnoses I need and then the help. I just feel tired and upset now, and I will feel so much more shit and so hopeless when the rough patch eventually hits.