#also if u have any lists

[tetheredfeathers]

The hunger games epilogue is so special.

I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. 

This line always bring me to tears. That in our worst moments we can can look back and find sentiments that will lift that ugly weight off our chests and somehow replace it with bits of tranquility.

Whether it be a hasty kiss stamped across the cheek, a nod of encouragement traversing through the room; hesitant stutters of burning forgiveness, even when it had ruptured a heart; fragments of shared bread split into growling stomachs; whispers of praise at the sight of scribbled letters; cries muffled into loving arms; replacement for lost money pressed into glazed hands; mumbles of hollow 'see you agains,' knowing all the same that fate will write us all apart. Promises of love and protection, knowing I will write us apart.

This is my list, all the the good things I've seen someone do, just a part of it because there is no beginning or end. It is a list of so many people's (strangers and friends all the same) acts of goodness I can never repay, because the first gesture is always the hardest pay back. But all they ever say is a promise of love and remembrance is enough.

That it can be good again.

That no matter how bad our losses, somewhere, sometime it will be good again. And even if hope doesn't flutter it's wings towards you right here and now, you can always look back at the feathers it has left behind. To catch, and stroke each barb till every good memory is etched in your mind, till you are tethered to hope and nothing is left behind. A promise that life can go on.

[joesbandmerch]

Atticus Clothing - "Feet" shirt

atticus is a brand founded by mark hoppus and tom delonge of blink-182 (listen to blink-182 on spotify and apple music), and one that joe wore often in the early 2000s, with pete and andy wearing the brand on occasion as well. fall out boy appeared as a featured band on the brand's website, and the header on the homepage often rotated different bands, including fall out boy:

(ps thank you maya turnstileskyline for helping me correct the link here <3)

the particular style joe wears above is the "feet" design, and can be spotted in the dead on arrival music video (VERY low quality screenshot, but it is a music video from 2003 which only goes up to 480p, so)

fun fact: although the shirt belonged to joe, pete wore it and threw it into the crowd during fall out boy's first ever show in scotland:

[recareels]

gmorning Clari!!! 💘 I’m not sure you’ve done it before, but I’d loooove to know what type of yanderes you’d classify your genshin faves as 😘

ANDYYYY i am so sorry i am responding a few days late to this and that’s because i accidentally wrote you a whole novel for an answer :) your ask sparked so many thoughts and i just BLAAAH spewed them all over the page (*ﾉωﾉ) ugh ahahaha ANYWAY oh gosh okay i have so much to say, let’s get into it!!! also apologies for how MASSIVE ajax’s is waaaah

characters: wriothesley, ajax [childe], kamisato ayato, thoma warnings: 18+ minors do not interact, yandere behaviour (gaslighting, obsessiveness, toxic relationships, delusional thinking, manipulation, over-protectiveness, etc) words: 2.1k

₊˚⊹ 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲

WRIOTHESLEY is the controlling, authoritarian type that feels like a really strict father, all under the guise of ‘protecting you’ and ‘keeping you safe’. he veers into delusional territory a little here because he genuinely believes what he’s telling you (and himself) and genuinely believes himself to be doing the right thing. he isn’t possessive, he just wants to make sure you’re going out with safe people. he isn’t obsessive, he just wants to know where you are at all times in case an emergency strikes and he has to come find you. he isn’t overbearing, he just cares and is proactive—don’t you want him to care? can’t you see he’s only this ‘protective’ because he loves you? 

he has thoroughly convinced himself that this behaviour has nothing to do with jealousy or a desire to keep you locked up, to keep you 100% certainly safe and his forever, and nothing to do with wanting to exert complete control over you, orchestrating your every decision—and he’s pretty good at continuously deluding himself into believing it. he’s so good, in fact, and his logic is so sound, that it has YOU wondering if you’re ‘just being crazy’, if you’re overthinking things or reading too much into them. wriothesley has had a lot taken away from him, after all, and he knows exactly how the mind of criminals tick—can you really blame him for being a bit paranoid? maybe you’re the one who’s overreacting and being unreasonable. maybe you’re even feeling a little guilty for being so ungrateful—shouldn’t you appreciate having someone who loves and cares for you this much to go to such extents? shouldn’t you want to relinquish all power to someone you love equally as much? shouldn’t you trust him to make only the best, most sound and appropriate decisions for you? you probably should. 

₊˚⊹ 𝐚𝐣𝐚𝐱

AJAX is kind of like, the typical yandere, and he encompasses several ‘types’, evolving throughout the course of your relationship and shapeshifting into different variants depending on the situation itself. and while the other three men seem normal until you’re in too deep with them, refraining from showing symptoms of yandere-ness until after you’ve been with them for an extended period of time and mean a lot to them, ajax is weird from the very beginning. 

almost immediately you can sense that there’s something slightly off about him, but you can’t put your finger on what it is. it’s so subtle that it doesn’t strike you as particularly dangerous, leading you to merely write it off as one of his quirks and nothing more. 

he’s overbearing right from the start, of course; not necessarily enough to be concerning just yet, but enough for it to be abnormal—unusual—and noticeable (which reminds me of your lil ajax piece!!!). from the instant he sees you, he is irreversibly obsessed with you. you permeate his every waking thought, and eventually begin to leak into his dreams, too, and suddenly he can barely breathe without knowing where you are and what you’re doing, his concentration consumed by you. 

he begins stalking you—‘overseeing’, he had called it—making detailed notes of your favourite locations and your most frequented friends. he’s constantly got an eye on you one way or another, even if he has to employ other people to do it for him, discreetly reporting their findings every few hours. he tells them you’re in danger—which, you are, technically—and that you must be observed at all times from afar, silently and stealthily. 

ajax is patient and he can play the waiting game, carefully devising and then revising his strategy based on your moves. he loves playing predator and prey, gets a thrill from how the hunt unfolds—much like a battle, it’s a story, a rich tapestry you and he are constantly and concurrently creating, together. and that he thinks is so beautiful.

in textbook yandere fashion, once he’s gathered a sufficient amount of intel, he begins ‘showing up’ randomly at your usual spots, ‘bumping into you’ fortuitously. charming and sweet, the only thing that’s initially unsettling is just how well the two of you get along. ajax is sure not to mimic you too much—he doesn’t want to be a mirror, after all, and being too similar is far from a good thing (especially when it matches so well it simply can’t be coincidental).

well—that, and the sharp glint in his eye that flares with something dangerous every time you giggle or gush, every time you fall further for him. and once he has you enchanted, ensnared, you’re trapped for life, tangled up in him so tightly that he might as well have fused to your flesh. 

ajax likes to tell you it isn’t about power and control, but he knows that it is. he’s smart, and he’s self aware, and he doesn’t really care if this is ‘wrong’—he sees it as necessary and he genuinely believes he knows better than you do. he has to take care of you, or else who will? you’re clearly not capable of satisfactorily doing it on your own, so he must (god, how would you manage without him?). even if you oppose him or fight back against him, he’s purely convinced you’re bull-headed and stubborn, snorting at your wanting to be independent when he truly knows you’re too stupid take care of yourself ‘properly’ all on your own.

violence is a mainstay of your relationship, but not towards you; never towards you—merely towards everyone around you. his jealousy knows no bounds, but you will rarely see it outright. instead, ajax prefers to hone his emotions, to fashion them into a weapon or use them as fuel to thoroughly tear apart anyone who looks your way in a manner he doesn’t like. it’s his job as your lover and keeper, isn’t it? 

₊˚⊹ 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐨

AYATO knows what he is, and he doesn’t care. why should he, when he’s sure what he’s doing is ultimately correct and he’s used to having everything that he wants, and everything going his way, even if he has to force/manipulate it to? he’s so skilled at that in particular—manipulating situations and events to procure favourable outcomes for himself. in ayato’s mind, you should be grateful that he affords you so many freedoms—he could lock you away in the basement or a padded room, chain you to a bed with no entertainment or stimulation save for the books he has so conscientiously selected for you, and no other human contact aside from himself. but he trusts you, and he doesn’t want to go to those measures (though rest assured, he has promised you he will not hesitate to reach such heights if he deems it absolutely necessary, no matter how much he doesn’t want to; you staying his comes before his personal preferences and pleasures). as such, he allows you to roam the estate grounds under the watchful eye of his closest confidants and most capable guards (usually thoma, unless he is otherwise occupied and busy); he allows you access to letter writing materials (though they must go through two rounds of supervision and revisions before they are approved; once by thoma, and once by ayato himself); he allows you to go out in public as long as you are with him, etc. 

despite these apparent freedoms he affords you, he still picks your outfits out for you each day, and he devises a comprehensive meal plan for you each week, and creates schedules and rules he expects you to follow, thoroughly and meticulously to the letter. it is these subtle forms of ownership that he enjoys the most. he doesn’t feel the need to shout from the mountaintops, loudly and aggressively, that you are his, because the fact is so obvious, so evident, the second anyone merely glances at you. you walk like him, you talk like him, you sit, stand, and bow like him, just like he trained you to. 

ayato is also the type of yandere to punish you. he is molding your pretty little mind into exactly what he wants it to be, and that means that undesirable behaviours must be immediately and severely corrected through appropriate punishments—you must learn, or be taught what is right and what is wrong in ayato terms + definitions, so you will refrain from repeating such behaviour in the future. he is truly crafting you into the most perfect, precious, obedient little doll—and having a blast while doing so. it’s his little pet passion project, in a way; something he looks forward to working on when he has a moment of spare time. 

ayato was sly and clever with the way he initially enticed you, entrapped you, but underneath his cool, precisely chiseled exterior, ayato is selfish, manipulative, and extremely controlling. all decisions are ultimately made by and go through him. he will skillfully and carefully cut you off from all lifelines and communication, rendering you wholly dependent on him, and then will meticulously chip away at your mind until he sculpts it into exactly what he desires—someone who is as obsessed with him as he is with them. he slowly, stealthily, and steadily induces a severe, irreversible case of stockholm syndrome. the damage he does to your mind is permanent—and that’s exactly his goal. you now live for him. your days are marked by his appearances, his comings and goings, and the only thing you have to look forward to is seeing + spending time with him. you live to please him, live to be with him, and become absorbed by him, so you are merely an extension of him and no longer an individual yourself. everything revolves around ayato—he is your entire universe. 

₊˚⊹ 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐚

THOMA is the most dangerous type of yandere, because thoma is genuine. thoma’s feelings are 100% authentic—and he earnestly intends to bring you no harm whatsoever—they’re just way too intense. he loves you so much that it veers into insanity, and the passion he feels towards you (and towards keeping you safe + claiming you as his) is so fierce that it physically hurts him to experience, chest blistering with scorching adoration and razored affection, something so dense and so all-consuming that thoma wants to claw through his own flesh and pry his ribcage apart spoke by spoke just so he can experience a shred of relief. 

thoma is, for the most part, an honest guy—starkly, brashly honest, so honest it shatters his words and gnaws at his voice, leaving it rough and raw, splintered to shards; but you can always trust he says exactly what he means. he severely lacks self awareness, not even realizing that his behaviour is inappropriate and extreme (he just cares about you SO much! it blinds his rationale and erodes his logic, incapacitating his ability to understand that he’s so suffocating it borders on terrifying). 

but what makes thoma so incredibly perilous is his sincerity. he truly just wants to keep you safe, eyes brimming with tears and voice hitching on barely contained emotion as he thoroughly explains to you his logic for stashing tracking devices in your bags or his reasoning for shattering the kneecaps of the man who made you uncomfortable at work, sentiment thick in his throat, words straining with the weight of his honesty, with the desperation for you to understand, to see it his way. he swears to the high heavens that he’d never hurt a single hair on your pretty, precious little head, and promises that he doesn’t want to scare you, but firmly asserts that he will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. 

and he means it. thoma is, in the most essential sense, your guard dog. he’s so sweet towards you, even submissive at times, always subservient to your every wish and whim, your every demand and desire, but he’ll fucking rip anyone within a meter of you to pieces with his teeth and bare hands alone if he feels as though you are being threatened in any way—and his standards and definition of ‘threatened’ are extreme and absurd, of course, causing him to react in a way that is severely disproportionate to the situation.

it borders on too much all the time—he is too obsessive, too protective, too clingy, but he’s also so sweet, so gentle, so incredibly bonafide that you can’t help but not be upset with him. he only does what he does because you’re his entire world, right? what’s so harmful about that? 

[izzyspussy]

the fact that they made it illegal to make ads louder than programs on tv in 2010 but haven't updated it to apply the same regulation to streaming. who do i have to call.

[lorephobic]

literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence

an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.

thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag

A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn

a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in

alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship

The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]

how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired

may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn

alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay

Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry

a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion

a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such

least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn

if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me

edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!

[seiwas]

SEL MY SEL …….. crawling over here for the ask game …………… you already know . who i’m going to ask for phdkdjdkdb IN MY DEFENSE I WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR VERSION OF HIM !!!!!!!

….. sugu ….. with ’sun’ ……. maybe 👉👈

(🍵 <- a little matcha for your troubles … good luck with the writing exercises my loveee <33 i’m cheering you on!!!)

ARI 🥹🥹🥹🥹 hehe ofc i shall write sugu for u! writing him is always so fun 🥹 thank you for the prompt, and for the matcha!! i will be sipping it as i write this 🥹 it is not a trouble at alllll!! esp if it's for youuuuu 🫶

contains: beautiful, gorgeous, sexy neighbor suguru, mood can be a bit unsettling... honestly a little stockholm syndrome-y (does this count as dark? idk 😭), skewed concept of reality and time

suguru + sun

you move into a new neighborhood on your 24th birthday.

it's a quaint house, fully furnished with wooden panels lining its contemporary build. you consider yourself lucky for finding a place this well-kept at the price point you offered. you're honestly surprised that suguru, your now landlord, accepted your application.

the area sits a few kilometers on the outskirts of the city, but it feels neither too quiet nor too busy; a perfect balance with an impressive view of the rising sun this early in the morning. that, and the people seem friendly, greeting you as they pass by. they even offer to help you haul things out of your car and into the house.

to the right of your house is one that holds the same design elements at yours, although a bit darker in its tones. it's sleek and modern, befitting of a bachelor.

"you must be the new tenant," a voice speaks from behind you, syrupy and smooth. you didn't even hear his footsteps.

when you turn around, you're met with a tall man who greets you with his arms held behind his back as he tilts his head low. there's a calmness that radiates off him, a sort of gentleness that signals he’s someone you can trust.

you nod, introducing yourself with your hand outstretched towards him.

"suguru," he replies as his fingers grab yours delicately. your eyes widen in surprise, recognizing the name, and he merely chuckles in return, a soft laugh that brings out kindness in his eyes.

"i should greet you properly," he lets go of your hand, placing it back behind him. "hello, new neighbor."

.

over shared breakfasts by your porch and impromptu dinners over at his, you grow a liking to suguru. he's polite and thoughtful, often knocking at your door in the mornings to offer you a cup of tea to watch the sunrise.

"you'll only find sunrises like this here," he leans back on the wooden chair you set out as outdoor furniture. his head tilts towards you slightly, impossibly close as you notice the corner of his lips curl up into a small grin.

hues of pinks, purples, and orange blend to illuminate his face perfectly. the sun is beautiful in front you, peeking between clouds as it inches away from the horizon, but something about him is infinitely more magnetic. your stare is immediately drawn to his lips, smooth and supple, before it meets his gaze.

you don't know what's worse―wanting to lean in or be pulled by the look in his eyes.

he fixes things that break in your home, always somehow knowing just when to show up. at first, it was your windows, the one by the attic, too high and dangerous for you to climb; then, it was your kitchen sink, its pipes regurgitating the water going down the drain. he's begun to bring you your groceries too, often asking for a list of what you need when he makes trips out of town.

your days blur easily when you're with suguru, and time passes almost fleetingly as you find your hours filled with soft laughs and touches so delicate you sometimes wonder whether they're real.

it should be noted, you think, how much time has passed since you first met him―an anniversary of some sort.

.

you learn that he owns both houses―his and the one you're currently renting. it once belonged to a friend who had to move for bigger, greater responsibilities elsewhere, he'd said.

"why did you decide on renting?" you ask him one night, over wine and candlelight.

your fingers fiddle with his as he sits you on his lap, this thing between you growing more intimate lately. he rubs his thumb along your thigh, resting his chin by your shoulder.

"you could have sold it or something."

he presses his lips gently on your collarbone.

"i could've," his fingers trail up to your waist, crossing your chest before landing on your chin, cupping it lightly to face him. your heart is hammering in your chest, senses on fire as his nose kisses yours. you think you can count every mole that dots his face beautiful. then, he inches closer, lips grazing yours as he whispers, "but i was waiting for you."

.

you mark each day at sunrise.

your digital clocks and calendars stopped working after some time, but you don't mind. suguru always tells you what date it is when you ask.

this morning, you wake up in his bed, and the sun is still as breathtaking as you remember it, the same pink, purple, and orange hues streaming through his window. when you look closely, the clouds―

"good morning," he brings you tea in bed, his hair topped off with a bun, a half-up-half-down.

your stomach fills itself with something warm and fuzzy as you smile at him, "morning."

"slept well?" his hand reaches for your waist under the duvet, and you giggle, ticklish.

"very," you crane your neck to land a soft kiss on his lips. "what date is it today?"

"october 28," he supplies.

your eyebrows shoot up as you realize, "i have to bring my car to the mechanic."

it's been 6 months now since your last check, right before you moved, and though you barely use your car anyway, it's best to be safe.

you quickly move to get up but suguru's hand keeps you in place, firmly pressed on your waist.

"i'll do it," he says with a smile on his face, "you rest here."

.

you barely see your other neighbors except for the girl who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day and the twins down the street.

when you ask suguru about it, he dismisses the question quickly, saying, "must have moved," as he urges you to take another sip of your tea.

you dream of them that night, on bare streets; it wakes you in a cold sweat, the image of your neighborhood reduced to just your house and suguru's.

.

this is the 200th sunrise since you started counting, which means this is the 200th day since you and suguru officially got together. kind of.

your gift for him is a painting of the sunrise, because it reminds you of him; and because it's become your favorite thing to look forward to, too.

the pinks and purples blend together beautifully as it contrasts with the orange hues, and the sun continues to peak above the horizon as it settles between clouds.

suguru kisses you when you give it to him, the taste of tea right on his tongue.

he frames it on his bedside, and when you wake in his room the next morning, it greets you along with the back of his head, fast asleep.

your eyes flit to the view outside his window, the same pinks, purples, and orange hues. you tilt your head curiously, brows furrowing. the sun stays at the same spot above the horizon, and when you look at the painting again, the clouds hold the same position and shape.

a chill washes over you, your hearbeat pounding.

.

"what date is it today?" you ask suguru as you wash the potatoes in the sink.

another bag of groceries from suguru. now that you think about it, you don't think you've ever gone to the grocery store since moving.

"is it important?" he responds, slightly snappy. you've begun to notice that he hates it when you ask lately.

you eye him from the side.

"i was thinking of preparing a menu of what we'll eat during the holidays, if it's near."

the furrow on his brows smooths out as you give your answer, and so he says, "december 5."

and you know something is wrong, because that can't be it. it doesn't make sense with the sunrises you've counted.

.

you dream again, more and more as the days go by―dirt roads and your house and suguru's, run-down and empty. more things start breaking in your apartment, and suguru always knows when they need to be fixed.

there's a deep, twisting feeling in your stomach that intensifies, festering under your skin; it worsens in the mornings, when you sit with suguru at your porch and you think you see a crack in the sunrise.

.

sunrise valley the place where the sun never sets! ─── beautiful, bright, and destined for people who live just like you! find your new home here.

[DISCONTINUED] — FOR DEMOLITION ON DECEMBER 7. under investigation for suspicious spiritual activity and missing persons.

[menlove]

maybe i did put together a 3 hour long playlist of incredibly gay lennon, mccartney, and lennon-mccartney songs

[monsterfuckermilligan]

hey… not so quick question op……… are you not cishet? or do you love and respect any not cishet? better yet, have you ever even spoken to a not cishet person? or do you have knowledge about the cishet industry and the predatory behavior towards non cishet people? or do you just think that being not cishet is something cute and fun for stuffed or real animals that doesn’t happen to real people? i need you to explain why this is fun for you. you and all the people that do this stuff (voting or making these polls) owe real not cishet people explanations on why this is cute and not insensitive towards a marginalized group.

- hope you can hear how you sound bc ngl, it felt crazy to read your post. fucking. block people and shut up.

you really thought you did something with this but it really just puts it more into perspective on how adoptees are not taken seriously lmao. could i have blocked and moved on? yes. should i have? yeah, i even apologized to op because of it. i was unable to maintain control of my impulses, manage my own triggers, and practice solid emotion regulation at the time, and that’s on me. i take responsibility for that.

but your anon is just…yeah of course. how could i ever expect anything less? the fact is adoptees are mocked and belittled when we don’t think adoption is cute or act as if adoption is the human rights issue that it is.

adoption agencies are the backbone of the private adoption industry. they make money off of babies. they make money selling babies. this is an irrefutable fact.

they base our prices off of gender, age, disability, and race. they advertise in low income communities the most and tell first parents that their child will be better off with someone else. they tell them that it is an act of love. they take money from infertile couples, who are constantly told that they have ‘other options’ and given very little respect for the trauma and deep sadness infertility causes. they were started and popularized by a human trafficker named georgia tann. the adoption industry is now a multi billion dollar industry.

you are speaking to someone who just has to live with the knowledge that my adoption agency could’ve forged my documents because they did it to others. i am someone who has to accept that my adoption agency has been investigated for human trafficking. i am someone who exists with the knowledge that there is a price tag on my head. i was given to the people who bought me in a hotel room. compared to some of my friends, i am lucky, and my adoption was not wonderful by any means. i lost my first family, my siblings, my language, my country, and that doesn’t even count anything that happened after. i sounded like a person who’s been adopted who is angry that adoption is often not taken seriously, especially in fandom, and especially especially by (presumed) non adopted people.

you felt the need to parody my rb in an attempt to mock me and minimized the issues of two marginalized groups, and walked directly into the point.

one of the big differences in your comparison is that queer people and trans people are recognized by the majority, and legally to many countries, as a marginalized group. this is not true for adoptees. adoptees are 4x more likely to attempt suicide, more likely to be harmed and abused by their adopters, more likely to be killed, have higher rates of institutionalization and incarceration, and we even have our own remembrance day for those of us who don’t make it. it is this month. october 30th.

and as someone who is exceedingly educated on adoptee issues; the history of adoption, how it coincides with colonization and genocide when we talk about transnational adoption, transracial adoption, not to mention just the sheer amount how many of us have our records falsified by adoption agencies, how we are rehomed online, and the lack of regulation with the private adoption industry, and the way our identities are legally changed with no way of ever undoing it, this is genuinely not a 1:1 comparison.

queer issues are seen as real. adoptee issues are not.

it’s ironic to me because as a queer and trans person, i am allowed to be angry and pissed off to many people, even according to cishet people! i am allowed to make mistakes and still be seen as having a valid opinion even when i don’t express it correctly.

as an adoptee, however, i am always expected to be the bigger person, to just deal with it in silence, and if i have an issue, say it in the most polite way as to not offend anyone. as adoptees, we are just supposed to sit back and be fine with not having access to our medical records, we are supposed to be fine with how kids get posted online for people to buy adopt, ignore the amount of suicides and those of us who die by abusive adopters, and just be accepting of how the ACLU fought to give queer couples the right to adopt but won’t fight for adoptees’ rights because they financially benefit from the adoption industry. we’re supposed to just get therapy and never publicly express complex emotions or anger about the adoption industry or the way we are invalidated.

and honestly? that’s fucking bullshit. i don’t subscribe to that idea.

adoptees are allowed to be angry and make mistakes. we are human beings who have survived a trauma that isn’t even deemed as one by many. we shouldn’t have to be happy and grateful, kind and polite. this shouldn’t be the case. it’s not a commonly accepted practice to tell queer and trans people that we should be grateful for having to be closeted and shouldn’t express any negative emotions about our oppression or the violence we face. it’s not expected of us to just be quiet or respectful about our oppression.

adoptees deserve that same grace and respect. if you think otherwise, then do some internal reflection. that’s not my problem.

but… thank you for being an example of how adoptees are gaslit into staying silent about our injustices.

thank you for showing your whole ass and proving my point.

not to mention the hypocrisy of this anon in the first place; you could’ve just as easily blocked me and moved on, but you didn’t. you felt the need to mock me and say something you’re clearly uneducated about. you wanted me to know ‘how i sound’—well, you sound like maybe you should take your on advice. it’s also interesting to me how you kept it on anon so i couldn’t have a genuine conversation. hey…not so quick question anon……are you a fucking coward?

[angeart]

Boatem Circus.... Thoughts cycling through my head about your Wonderful au. These thoughts might not make sense but. You're cool!

I think what breaks me the most (at this moment) /pos is that Scar, when he built up the circus with his own two hands, after coming from wherever he had come from, had to teach himself how to bring salvation to others. How to show others safety and warmth and show them that things would be okay. He had to teach himself first how to take care of others. And then after elegy he realizes that everything he taught himself can be like- applied to him, too, because he's not alone anymore and the others are gonna show him and teach him and save him and it's so 🥹 love. Found family. Yummy.

(Also while I'm here 👉👈, am I allowed to ask who the very first person to join Scar's circus was or is that like spoilers-?) hope you have a lovely night and day

boatem circus!! 💕

you are so very right about scar. he didn't have other people show him kindness, but he still decided to extend it to others. he had to learn, and by doing so, he wasn't even aware he's teaching the others too!

and gosh when they turn it around on him 🥺 my heart.

found family!!! i love boatem circus crew found family so so so much.

you are allowed to ask! it's not a secret or a spoiler or anything! it just genuinely wasn't something i had figured out, but your question prompted me to go bug stiff and i think we got it now :3c ...

the order in which people joined the circus*:

scar > impulse > gem > jimmy > ren > pearl > cleo & doc (separately but at around the same time) > mumbo > joel > grian > [events of elegy] > skizz > tango > ???

... so. impulse. our beloved impulse was first.

he was running away from some people and he hid at where scar was building stuff. and scar came across him, with his typical "well hello there :J"

and impulse was scared! and he could've lashed out with fire in his fear. but— he didn't. (he is a teddy bear and genuinely doesn't want to hurt anyone, ever.) (there might be a backstory buried there that makes elegy so much worse :3c just saying)

he wasn't used to people regarding him without fear. he wasn't used to being just... accepted. or to be allowed to stay anywhere. he actually fully expected that's what the rest of his life will be: endless wandering, being chased off, forever running away. and yet.

and yet.

scar offers him a place to stay. so easily. as if it didn't cost him anything.

[izloveshorses]

ANASTASIA + songs not included on the original cast recording (x)

bonus:

[coquelicoq]

went looking deep in my drafts for my list of favorite french words to pronounce to see if facétieuse was on there and 1) it wasn't, so i had the pleasure of adding it to the list, and 2) i then read one of the words at random and said, aloud, "oh my god" and had to immediately read the rest of the list out loud. insane mouthfeel. i should memorize the list and say it to myself when i get sad. anyway in case you're curious here's the list which i have sort of sorted into categories but don't think about it too hard because several words fit into multiple categories and also i probably missed some possible subgroupings. happy pronouncing~

words that are fun because of repeated vowels bonbon, ensemencement, manquement cocotte cumulus, pulluler raplapla tout fou (two words but one entry in the dictionary) volcanologie

words that are especially fun for me personally because i can't tell the difference between two vowels [ɔ̃] and [ɑ̃]: bombance, compensation, consciencieusement, contentement [ɔ] and [o]: autochtone, octogonaux, rococo, saucissonner

words that are fun because of repeated consonants sibilants: facétieuse, jaugeage, thésauriseuse glides and nasals: millionième, napoléonienne sibilants, glides, and nasal vowels: association, cessation, expiation, fascination, filialisation, glaciation, initiation, prononciation, scintillation, sensation, sentencieusement, vacillation quelconque traîtresse

words that are fun because they're the same thing twice with the last vowel changed clopin-clopant prêchi-prêcha

words that are fun because i love the symmetry of [eifje] déifier dragéifier gazéifier

words that are fun because i really like combos of [ik] or [ki] with optional friends [l] and/or [t] antiquité antithétique cliquetis coquelicot enquiquiner équilibre étiqueter héroïcomique kif-kif mastication pique-nique quiconque quiproquo rhythmique stoïque ticket

words that are fun because [j] a syllable or two after [ɲ] fucks severely champignonnière désignation ignominieux indignation

words that are fun because they're long with a string of alternating vowels and consonants that trips off the tongue antipathie authenticité habitabilité hétérogénéité infériorité parallélépipède territorialité tous azimuts

words that start with fun [p] consonant clusters pneu psittacidés psychédélique psychique

words that just have a certain je ne sais quoi architecture au-delà baby-foot gentilhommière houppe loufoque luxation mnémonique multimédia préalablement qualifier rouflaquettes saperlipopette scout schlinguer tacheter thérapeutique trouillomètre vrombir

[skunkes]

Super good luck on yr procedure adventures cheye!!! Such an awesome thing I hope to do myself someday. Best of luck !! 🐈‍⬛🕊️

Thank u!!! Im waiting on call back from the surgery scheduler neow 🧿🧿🧿

[cherryatombomb]

list of aus i think fit soapghost perfectly and want to read but am too lazy/busy/whatever to write

parent ghost x teacher soap. ghost leaves the military after his nephew ends up orphaned, and ends up falling in love with his teacher, who is very dramatic and very lovely and oh god hes so cute

another alternative is where they are BOTH parents. ghost who took in his nephew, and soap who ended up with a kid one way or another. their kids end up loving eachother, so they have to keep interacting - a bit of forced proximity where they end up falling for one another

tattoo artist soap x flower shop owner ghost. soap who works across the street and works every day to see this highly tattooed and gruff man work in the flower shop. he goes in at least once a week to buy flowers (and talk to simon, of course, it's just an excuse). simon who thinks soap is annoying to begin with but begins to fall in love with him, but also WHY is he buying so many flowers?? hello??

alternatively, tattoo artist soap x piercer ghost. no i will not be elaborating (ghost with piercings is so real to me)

au where the 141 has to disband for various reasons and each member goes their own way. they try to keep in contact but life ends up getting in the way. price brings in the 141 to reunite after so many years apart, and both simon and johnny have to cope with their feelings reigniting - are they ready to let each other go after so long? probably not!

physical therapist ghost x injured soap after las almas. price has insisted he sees a physical therapist for his arm. soap initially complains until he meets the man - and now he's head over heels. when his injury begins to heal, he has to find a way to work up the courage to ask simon out (and possibly fake still being injured in order to work that courage up, hehe)

firefighter ghost x an extremely unlucky soap. a soap whos a civilian that always ends up accidentally in danger - car crash? yep. house fire? yep. it's all worthwhile when he finds the firefighter extremely handsome, even underneath that facemask... maybe he brings cookies over to the fire station, a snack to show his gratitude, and things blossom from there

medic soap x soldier ghost. soap who's there to - physically - help simon heal through his injuries several times throughout his life, after roba, then after various missions, etc. both of them end up falling in love with one another after a long amount of time... a good mixture of fluff and angst

bartender ghost x military soap. ghost who works in a bar most frequented by the military bc of its close proximity to base, and soap, who should be an annoyance, but he really does enjoy his presence the more they get to know one another.

famous soap x bodyguard ghost. im sure this has been done but oh what a good trope. fans keep theorizing over the mysterious skull man whos always at soaps side, who soap keeps smiling all fondly over. ghost whos gruff abt this dramatic man to begin with but ends up falling head over heels in love with him.

nextdoor neighbour au where soap and ghost, you guessed it, live next to eachother. maybe ghost is agoraphobic, he struggles with leaving the house - maybe he's a writer, so he never really has to - and soap moves in, runs into him a few times, and is determined to get to know him. fluff - and some angst - ensues

chance first meeting au where soap has a dog who's normally very good, but for some reason today is insisting on running up to the cute jogger he normally sees run through the park. it's love at first sight when the jogger - ghost - crouches down and offers him a treat, because apparently he keeps a whole pocket of treats just in case he sees any animals who want them. they end up running into eachother near enough every day, and begin to fall for eachother.

[sieglinde-freud]

project of insanity finally done. i can play the game now

[backtoneverland]

Btw this is what my lost boy collection shelf looks like. There’s still more assorted merch in various parts of my room but this shelf is just a lot of concentrated autism

[feline-evil]

Dethvanity is really funny to me conceptually as an episode because you can see how little they had to make the characters insecure about for the bit. They swing for obvious lowblow choices with Pickle' baldness and Nathan's weight and even those require some suspension of disbelief because ok. Sure. Nathan '(said extremely proudly) never skipped a meal in my life!' Explosion is insecure about being a big man now. Nathan *guy who everyone thinks is smoking hot 99% of the time* Explosion is a tiny bit larger than usual and is insecure about it now. Lol. Lmao even.

But anyway then we hit Skwisgaar and Toki and there's like NOTHING to swing for, you can see them going uhhh ok Skwis doesn't sleep he probably drinks a lot of coffee, and Toki? Shit, what does Toki have to be insecure about with his looks. He's perfect, he's adorable, he's ripped. Um. FUCK IT, HE'S DOING NOTHING BUT EATING LEMONS. WE GOT NOTHING, WE GOT NOTHING, JUST GIVE THE BOY CITRUS FRUITS.

WOE 🍋 BE UPON YE

I'm sure i could make some smarter points about the attempts at applying vanity in this ep and how outside of this and a few other moments i do actually like that the show rarely takes pot shots at things like Nathan's weight, but you see Nathan has shirtless scenes in this one and so my intelligence is impeded when all the blood rushes out of my head and into my-