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" this leaves an empty spot in my schedule "
pairing : byakuya kuchiki x afab!reader
tags : mdni , SMUT. , a little fluff if you squint , not proofread
a/n : lowkey i made this half-asleep so i mightve rushed it but i cant tell. BUT MY FIRST FIC PUBLISHED!!! i also dont write smut so this might be bad idk i feel like i rushed it
w/c : 1.4k
you were on your way back to the kuchiki mansion drenched in sweat after spending a few hours sparring with captain hirako, you made your steps quick and silently. as you found yourself in byakuya and your shared room, a servant slid open the door and shared a bit of alarming news
"mrs kuchiki, there will be guests arriving in 30 minutes." when you heard the news your eyes grew wide, you had no idea guests were coming over today. yet you kept your composure. you knew you had to clean up and make it quick.
"alright then, you may leave. thank you." you said to the servant as she closed the door and you quickly grabbed your kimono & undergarments then made your way to the bathhouse.
surprisingly, you made quick timing. took you about 23 minutes to wash off all your sweat and continue your after shower routine of washing your face and moisturizing your body.
you quickly walked over to you and byakuyas shared room yet again to drop off your shihakushō and greet your unexpected guests. but alas, when you open the sliding door you find byakuya taking off his captains hayori and bringing his hair down. you found yourself walking into the room and your mouth opened to ask questions.
"byakuya, why are you taking your coat and hair down? dont we have guests?" he slowly turned to you and answered you.
"they decided to cancel, how inconsiderate. but i musnt complain too much; this leaves an empty spot in my schedule." you found yourself relaxing your muscles and finally having a moment to take a deep breath. byakuya was a busy man, you found yourself falling asleep before and waking up after him every night. you spoke to ask him another question
"so then, what will you do with this "empty spot" in your schedule. im assuming you expected this to take the rest of your afternoon." you pondered. byakuya looked at you lovingly, you hadnt seen him look at you like this in weeks. it made your knees weak. but you didnt have your hopes high for anything to happen.
right as you were about to look away from him he opened his mouth to reply again.
"well, i was thinking my wife might need some "quality time" with me. its been quite a while since we have spent time with each other." his hand found his way to your cheek to cup your face and he pressed a kiss to your lips, you exchanged it back with him. the kisses quickly became heated and passionate, his tongue pressing your lips asking for entrance into your mouth. you obliged and your mouth quickly opened, releasing a moan. you didnt know how long that was being held there or that there was even one there.
you pulled away first in need of air so in that quick moment byakuya reached over and locked the door so nobody could interrupt this moment.
you felt a wetness start to pool up inbetween your thighs and you felt a sudden need to be as close to byakuya as possible. you quickly wrapped your arms around his neck and brought your body as close as possible to him. you rapidly felt his growing erection and your face grew red, you both were probably thinking the same thing.
of course byakya couldnt look you, this is his dignity we are talking about here. you guys have done it a few times yet hes still embarrassed. when you grazed over his manhood he couldnt help but hiss a little from the friction. but of course, consent is needed before he must make any big move. he got close to your face and murmured into your ear.
"youre okay with what im about to do darling, right?" he warned. you looked at his face and nodded, but byakuya wasnt satisfied. so he opened his mouth again, a bit more demanding
"i need a verbal answer" you sighed but obliged. "of course." within seconds of the words spewing out your mouth he picked you up by the thighs and brought you to the bed and untied the ribbon to your floral kimono. you proceeded to make haste and take off the kimono, discarding it somewhere in the room.
byakuya looked at the baby blue lacy underwear with a matching bra set and its like his mouth watered. he teased at you, "oh, all this for me?".
you gave him an unamused look then smiled and kissed him again but mid-kiss you unexpectedly you felt pleasure run through your body and moaned as byakuya rubbed circles over your clothed clit.
you pull away from the kiss, a string of saliva still connecting you two. byakuya pushed your panties over to the side and shoved 2 of his digits in your wet cunt. he quickly pushed them in and out, clearly not having any patience for him to shove his dick in you. you found it amusing to watch the squad 6 captain slowly unravel right in-front of your own two eyes.
he could tell you were close to your release, you started to grip the sheets until your knuckles turned white and you kept squirming. thats when byakuya took his fingers out and you whined. he noticed this and quickly exclaimed "calm down, i never said i was leaving you."
he undid his ribbon on his shihakushō and took off his bottoms & boxers. he was rock hard and he grew impatient. he quickly took off your panties and shoved his rock-hard dick into your tight pussy. he immediately let out a well-needed moan and sat there, letting you adjust. after a few seconds he pulled back and started relentlessly pounding into you.
you didnt know how long you needed this but you felt your release building up yet again. a moan slowly came out your mouth in the sound of byakuyas name. the room became more and more stuffy as the daylight turned into night. you could tell byakuya was getting close by the way his thrusts got faster and he groaned more and more over time.
"i- im gunna- imma cuuuumm" you blurted out. everything was getting hazy and all you could hear was slapping noises of his balls against your ass.
"go ahead girl, you deserve it" he uttered. you came first but not a few seconds after you felt another hot liquid added to the mix in your cunt as byakuya threw his head back. he sat in that position for what felt like forever until he fell over beside you in bed.
after a few minutes of laying there until you both caught your breath and cooled down, byakuya got up and put his shihakushō back on and left your room. you were too tired to protest about it and wanted to just sleep.
you found yourself just about to doze off until your door opened again. it was byakuya, he came back with a wet rag and some water. he went over and cleaned you up. he then began to state how you should drink some water, which you did since you didnt want him scolding you for your bad health practices. a little bit after you murmured to him.
"are you coming back to bed?" he looked at you and replied, "only if you want me to." you immediately said please do, which led him to put on a take off his shihakushō and put on a plain shirt.
he came back into bed with you and you sprawled up close next to him. he rubbed your back and you profess something right as your about to fall asleep.
"could we spend more time together, byakuya?"
"ill try and find time in my schedule just for you."
@kuchikki 2024. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.
#bleach#byakuya kuchiki#kuchiki byakuya#bleach x reader#bleach x you#bleach x y/n#bleach x female reader#kuchiki byakuya x reader#byakuya kuchiki x reader#bleach smut
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ANYONE who has experienced hallucinations for any reasons can reblog this. i dont care if youre psychotic or if youve just taken hella drugs im just curious.reblog this if you can. thanks :)
be normal on my post or ill put you in the labyrinth btw
#i dont know what to tag this so im not tagging this as anything but if this could be reblogged i would appreciate it :)#for me its olfactory i cant stand it. its the one i have the most and its not as stressful as SOME OTHER STUFF but its so . IHATE IT#also DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED to share what causes yours. im not sharing mine you guys can figure out the lore its e z#polls#delete later#hallucinations
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#skz#stray kids#i.n#yang jeongin#me: oh cool all of them are well under 10mb i could try to fix the quality *makes a minor change* *file size triples*#anyways. i did these for fun + bc hes adorable so. here yall go. どうぞ#ps: not tagging any networks or sources first of all bc idk which ones are limited to certain users and i dont have the will to check which#ones are private and which are public#and also bc im just making and posting these for fun and dont expect anyone to like them or feel obliged to reblog them or sth#if i ever decide to gif seriously i will tag the appropriate sources/networks but for niw#*now ill just use the general tags#(and tysm to all the networks/sources for all of the work you do. you were a lifesaver back when i first joined the fandom.)#(and ty if you rb my gifsets even if i dont tag you)#my gifs
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Using this space to reply to both @blatherby and @fluentisonus!
@blatherby: right right right, "The time has come to journey on/And from this day he must be gone"—and I do think you're correct that standard fanon is he's going into this encounter with the intent to leave, though I suppose I don't know how much by percentage Valvert fic is actually based on the musical vs the Brick, and for the former it's not a misreading per se. I'm thrown, in any case! Really having to recalibrate my sense of the level of his self-harm and suicidality (which still sits at "very nonzero", but slightly lower than "dialed up to eleven", I guess—I think that the line "He was at his own request and through his own complicity driven out of all his happinesses one after the other; and he had this sorrow, that after having lost Cosette wholly in one day, he was afterwards obliged to lose her again in detail" signals that he wouldn't have been able to sustain himself on this course regardless of Marius' part in things).
@fluentisonus said in tags:
#yes!!!! this was something i was thinking abt a lot when i just got here on this last read#& i think contributed to my being more frustrated with/upset by marius this time around than before#i think the other line here is that really stood out to me is 5.8.2:#''He came every day because he had not the strength to take Marius’ words otherwise than literally''#<- which to me does Not speak to someone who is planning to stop visiting.#or at least to actually go through with not visiting#he's in fact willfully taking marius at his literal word re visiting rather than what i think he knows derp down marius would prefer#like he gave marius incomplete reasons & scared him badly (his (jvj's) fault!) but the m jean stuff is i think just intended as a layer of#separation to visiting & that last horrible wrench is all marius. & while not quite unexpected it's not what he (ivj) would have done#naturally if given the choice. in fact as we see it's incredibly hard to prevent himself from going#anyways really good post!#les mis#i think another thing though is that he asks marius to visit when he's quite literally at the door. like. he knows he can't bear#to not have this one thing. like he says all that & asks marius if he should see her again; takes his 'cold' no; gets to the door; & then#closes the door again & turns around to beg to see her <- tbc this is not a disagreement with your point that he always intends to visit#cosette just that both in-book & out of book it's easy to mistake bc it being at the end there makes it almost Seem like an afterthought#rather than i think one of the most genuinely earnest parts of his confession because to him he's been building up to something#he's not convinced he deserves & is asking against his better judgement#But i think this doesn't look good particularly to marius#it looks like he's backtracking on what he's set up#& marius gives in in the moment but it's one of the things he specifically regrets caving to in the next chapter#& i think is frustrated jvj couldn't fully follow through so he decides to force the issue#if that makes sense#hmm also (<- sorry op to come back & add more tags hours later) speaking of the m jean/vouvoyer thing i think you can very much read that#as being not a step towards a final separation but rather a way (to his mind) he can safely & perhaps even more honestly (?) Continue to#visit cosette. he can still see her without being connected to her in sn incriminating way . like you say#<- ofc this is not at all how it comes across to cosette
Yes!!! The level of my "jesus, you murdered that man" feelings towards Marius definitely dialed up a notch by reading the scene through this lens. As I said in responding above: re-reading further, I think it's a misjudgment on Valjean's part—that he can survive on black bread, but not on so little of Cosette—but I do wonder if, in the long run, as she once convinced him to have a fire and better food for her sake, whether she would've rekindled their bond and said to hell with this to the M. Jean and vouvoyer and cellar. Like, she's caught up in a new marriage, in learning what it means to love openly and fuck a man and live in the world, but I like to think given a few more months to settle into things she would've come back around to her papa—because she might not need him like she did when she was alone in the woods, but there's more in love than needing.
Which sidetracks me from "what did Jean Valjean mean to do?" to "what did Jean Valjean actually do?", and in the context of Cosette's happiness—it's always fraught! always makes me holler. Poor old man, and poor child.
I've dithered over making this post because I will feel incredibly silly if everyone else got this on the first go-through rather than the—Lord alone knows how many times I've read this particular scene, actually—but there I was, me and "The Seventh Circle and the Eighth Heaven"—as you do, for idle and entertainment, and I reach
If you will allow it, I will come to see her. I assure you that I desire it greatly. If I had not cared to see Cosette, I should not have made to you the confession that I have made, I should have gone away; but, as I desired to remain in the place where Cosette is, and to continue to see her, I had to tell you about it honestly. You follow my reasoning, do you not? it is a matter easily understood.
And realized that despite the character stating his reason right there in the text I have misunderstood badly. I took Valjean's intent with this confession and in his behavior afterwards to be separation from Cosette, that his desired outcome is to die alone, that he struggles against his love of her to reach that solitude, but it's—not. He says earlier that it's not, as well.
Stay, the unfortunate point is that I have a thread in my heart, which keeps me fast. It is when one is old that that sort of thread is particularly solid. All life falls in ruin around one; one resists. Had I been able to tear out that thread, to break it, to undo the knot or to cut it, to go far away, I should have been safe. I had only to go away; there are diligences in the Rue Bouloy; you are happy; I am going. I have tried to break that thread, I have jerked at it, it would not break, I tore my heart with it.
The thread—to Cosette. He can't separate himself. He would not have to make this confession if he could simply leave her. Therefore he has to confess to Marius for two reasons, as I see it: (1) a big dramatic compulsion to honesty about his symbolic status as one who cannot live in the family of men, sure, but (2) like, real literally, he cannot live in the house. Valjean is practical, he makes arrangements, he's smart, his confession draws from the saint but I think it's also the thief, and what does the thief need? A co-conspirator. Both morally and practically he's averse to living at the Rue des Filles-du-Calvaire, and with both Cosette and her "master" Marius pushing him to move in, he'd have to move totally away, as he's certainly not going to give in—but now he's got Marius' backing to allow him to stay at the Rue de l'Homme-Armé, and he can exist in the in-between space he's always occupied, there in the back courtyard of Cosette's life.
I always wondered at Valjean's vacillation—that he says "To-day, Cosette passes out of my life; our two roads part. Henceforth, I can do nothing for her.", then begs Marius for the right to visit her. But he didn't change his intent at all; he was always keen to visit, to live on the crumbs that scatter from the table. He simply can't pull up a chair.
Marius' passive-aggressive attack on that thread, the destruction of Valjean's heart, Valjean is complicit in accepting that, yes. But he did not come into this parlor looking for that outcome.
🤦♂️
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I just really like him tbh!
#honkai star rail#trailblazer#hes a good boy your honor........ i love him....#VERY stressed right now in my life and i feel like i keep not doing fanart and that stresses me out more?#cause i feel like people would prefer to see fanart on this blog#DESPITE the MANY times that MANY people told me hey man its your blog post what you want#its not that easy for my brain that lives off of validation and appreciation and stuff idk man#i just ............ feel like........... a weird mental obligation to posting fanart#but then im super burnt on fe stuff so i have been dabbling in other fandoms#which i feel is also a disappointment and that makes me feel bad#theres literally no point to these tags im just stressed and getting that out there#gotta go lie on my floor next to my cat bc shes struggling healthwise which im not gonna lie#is the majority of my stress right now
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It's time for another very important annoucement-
When engaging with media on any kind, it is totally ok to not like it!! It is totally ok to express not liking it!! Other people also have a right to express that they do not like something you might like!! Also! You're allowed to just not talk about it with those people!!!
I think social media has convinced us that we all have to have a take on everything and that it has to be said out loud when it really doesn't. If you are engaging in fandom for fun and you see something that makes you feel bad, you don't have to say anything about it. You don't even have to look at it. And I'm not talking about stuff that's like, people/media being bigoted and stuff like that, I mean totally harmless opinions like "I don't like this season of a show because I don't find the narrative fulfilling".
When you're looking to interact with people around something that brings you a lot of joy, negative opinions and criticism can sometimes feel very personal. They're not personal, I promise. Just let it slide off, and move past it. You don't have to defend your thing or argue your case. It's totally fine, just let it be. I fell into this trap for a long time and honestly it just made me waste a lot of time being upset when I could've just been enjoying my thing that I like. Yes it's important to reflect on the media you enjoy and to analyze it and think critically about it, I feel very strongly about that. But at the same time, the primary purpose of entertainment is to be entertained. If it's making you miserable when you engage with other people about it then it's worth changing how you engage.
#this is a reminder for me as much as for other people#like youre under no obligation to “stand up” for your show or book or whatever#i dont have to explain myself for why i feel happy when i engage with a thing#and i dont need to convince other people that they need to feel the way i do#so im just gonna take a deep breath and go on my merry way#and also call out some fandoms by way of the tags lmao#dimension 20 fantasy high#dimension20#fantasy high junior year#that one is the most currently relevant but also#animorphs#looking at you#this is also a self call out post#the owl house#toh
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#DON'T EVER SAY I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR YOU#teehee#anyway... just some rambling in the tags... for old times sake#i want to say that i'm sorry again for disappearing and not leaving behind any updates but i don't even think it's worth it#ssjshh#i was in a fist fight with life that went up and down the hallway and let me tell you i lost BRUTALLY#i don't feel like entertaining anything more specific so i hope the visual is sufficient enough <3#i also enjoy being able to pop in and out as i please#i don't like this blog feeling like an obligation or something i'm tied to at the ankle i just want it here for whenever i need it#that is to say... guys... i'm not rly a kpoppie anymore#i listen to the music every now and then but other than that my participation in this sphere has pretty much dwindled#from time to time i like to see what's happening!#but ya#JUST BEING CANDID#svt will always have a place in my heart tho!#and i was determined to finish that gd fic one way or another#so whether or not you care is up to you!#the fact it's 499 pages and not 500 is going to haunt me#LET ME CHANGE THE FONT LET ME CHANGE THE FONT!
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genuinely love that the loyal pin has an approach to how misogyny can be the root of homophobia especially lesbophobia in that case
#the loyal pin#what is even my tag when im rambling off i forgot but yea#usually gl has that homophobia into misogyny reading which is 100% understandable and also a true fact of real life#but having it done the reversed way is the less common route and i really love how the book + show really expose this#of how since you are both women how do you both expect to get to have a choice out of your womanly obligations#first and foremost before the fact that. you are both women.#and the whole social class issue too ofccc#which many have talked for in good details#like it truly makes the conflict feel so raw bc thats. truly how it is. all that mess of prejudice being linked together and dragging ppl#as usual the essay is in the tags so feel free to do whatever with that
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Shuffle your on repeat playlist and list the first 10 songs that play, then tag 10 people
Thanks to @yellobb for tagging me (Also you have very good music taste 10/10).
1. Up on Cripple Creek - The Band
2. For Emma - Bon Iver
3. Every Other Freckle - alt-J
3. Never Going Back Again - Fleetwood Mac
4. First Light - Hozier
5. Flagpole Sita - Harvey Danger
6. Haunted House - Florence and the Machine
7. Gentle On My Mind - Glen Campbell
8. Fresh Tattoo - The Mountain Goats
9. Life Out of Phase - @narcissistcookbook
10. Snowblind - Styx
No pressure tags:
@whyiwaswhereiam @simply-elegantly-kai @kill--claudio @pricklypotatofish @cosplay-is-not-consent @imagine-the-time @leroystalin @hey-hey-j @bugpartsonline
Very high pressure tags:
@narcissistcookbook
#suddenly realizing I have less than 10 active mutuals#Matt Thenarcissistcookbook this is a joke#you do not actually have to do this#I just thought it was funny since one of the songs was yours#spotify#the narcissist cookbook#tnc#also if I tagged you and were not mutuals do not feel obligated I just like your vibe#music#bagelposting
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THE BROTHERS PAOLO AND VITELLOZZO VITELLI
man. the fucking. cycles of violence going on here. war, condottieri brothers, the execution of paolo vitelli (but the on the matter of guilt: questionable! no proof besides the absence of potential violence, but what conspiracy-betrayal wants to leave behind proof? torture and execute him anyway. maybe machiavelli has a point! unfortunately you left a surviving brother), the congiura della magione, all of it coming together at the strage di senigallia. just blood and gore and war all the way down, never stopping for a breather, already on to it's next battlefield. also malaria is there!
in other news! it turns out if you want to draw a comic about the strage di senigallia, you have to figure out designs for all the people in the room, but if you draw vitellozzo, you also have to draw his brother because he's like. there. in a dead way. something something vitellozzo's desire to avenge his brother manifesting in his desire to brutalize florence for their role in his brother's death.
that said, I did not want to draw military armor for an illustration that was partially designed to test out some splatter brushes. in the future though….I will have to revisit that visual…..
#italian renaissance tag#bdhsehrhghhhh#i thought about doing classicstober for about thirty seconds except i mostly draw roman politicians and i wouldn't do a roman#politicians october if there was one#what i will do. for some reason. is a comic about the senigallia massacre. because i have exactly one panel i want to draw SO bad#but in order to get that one panel. i need TEN PAGES OF NARRATIVE so the pay off will be satisfying. aughhrhghdhdhguehs#blood cw#anyway i dont think that paolo was conspiring. its just that the absence of decisive violence in war when you have the upper hand is like#weird. for everyone watching. like what are YOU doing man.#something about. uh. cesare's involvement in all of this is also compelling? the way we go to cesare and then against him#and cesare coming down HARD. take no prisoners. only their heads.#god what i would've done for s4 of showtime's borgias to see how they would do the senigallia massacre.............weeping......#anyway. blah. whether or not this comic gets done in octber is a huge question. but we gotta. get started on it. for#it to someday get finished. you know. AUGH. i need to do environment studies again#the renaissance has a vibe and i have yet to pin down the architectural vibe when i try to draw it. SOMEDAY. someday....#related to all of this (its not) i feel ethically obligated to do some kind of narrative justice to so many figures that were in AC2
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people i'd like to get to know better !
alias / name: cero or nox birthday: september 16th zodiac sign: virgo babyyy height: 5'6 hobbies: playing video games, writing on this hellsite, reading manga, watching true crime, kissing my cat on the forehead favorite color: red, orange, black favorite book: paul cleave's "the cleaner", back when i actually managed to finish reading books last song: bts - moon last film / show: i don't remember the last movie i watched but i did start rewatching o.ne p.iece :) recent reads: the hobbit, if you wanna get me to read a book just mention tolkien story behind url: i wanted something simple, something that basically already explains what people can expect from my blog/muse. since i went with the black shuck/black dog concept it made the choice quite obvious. "blaec" is an old english form of "black" (another is blac), and dog is... well dog. fun fact about me: i really like languages, especially latin. i'm not any good at any language besides german & english but i think it's super interesting how you can sometimes see a similiar pattern in words even though they orginated from other countries, and finding out the root of how it came into existence is just mindblowing. okay? okay. i'm also a slut for rhythm games :)
tagged by: @fauxwife thank you rose!! <3 tagging: @confettiguts @hopeharmed @hiisfire @batoushoujo @bclasaeg @amorbloom @pinkminxed @predeition @vulpesse @metrictita @mellodiies @attroxx
#// oh no my nerd is showing#// also @ anyone i tagged don't feel obligated to do this#// and @ anyone who hasn't done this yet feel free to steal it!!#// bc i've lost count of who already did this and who didn't#// i wanna get to know you all :)#「 † 」 out of hell.#「 † 」 dash games.
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I deleted the ask but the obligatory "You aren't talking about Kylo so that means you don't love him" asks have unwillingly arrived.
Are you fucking serious? Yes, I am very hyperfixated on Adam (sackler) does that mean I've completely forgotten about Kylo and magically lost all feelings for him? Absolutely NOT.
Kylo is and always will be my number one, ultimate main. Hell I changed my username to something that aligns with my ship (the nickname he calls me!)
I am always thinking about Kylo in one way or another. Just because I'm not talking about him (publically here) a lot doesn't mean I love him any less! Yes I am pissed at this. Yes I am annoyed that whoever sent that had the audacity to think such a thing.
I love Kylo with my entire being, if you stuck around and seen my gush posts about him you'd know. You would ALSO know that Sackler is actually right up there with Kylo in terms of how I feel about him as he continually helps me through things irl (mental state)
this man is also literally helping me to love my own body because of the way he canonical acts as well which I have posts of. Hell I have a little fic called Motivated about it
So don't come in here and tell me how to feel. Both him and Kylo mean a lot to me in different ways so sit down and shut your mouth.(directed at the anon)
Gonna idk...go make coffee or something now. This anon really upset me
#rant;#sorry but i get very defensive especially when someone comes to my own personal space and tries to tell me how I feel.#I'm also very protective over Kylo and over Adam. these two mean a lot to me. like..a lot#news flash people Sackler isn't just some new fo..he sat in my crush tag for two months because i didn't know how to feel about him#then I learned more about him and fell for him.#this is putting it vaguely. i have a million reasons as to why i fell in love with him#it might look like a silly non-serious ship to you but thats because you're not paying attention.#you don't read tags. you don't bother looking back at my posts to think 'hm maybe there is a reason they're talking about this char alot'#mind you nobody's obligated to do this but it would be nice if people could hold their tongues and just leave me be#instead of being assholes yknow#that post i linked was from APRIL ...Adam isn't a new fo. hes always been here.
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tagged by @hereditary20l8 to choose five songs i’ve had on repeat so you all can pick your fave. this was so sweet thank you for thinking of me ♡
tagging @esta-elavaris bc she's my partner in tagging crime. Also @sukugo and @rumplefuckingstiltzkin bc you both have tagged me before so I am tagging back <3. And @theonlygoldeneye, because I like their taste :3
#I know the last one is a little different than the rest lol#i really like the feeling of dread and panic it gives me#so lately ive been going on listening to it like. All 12 minutes#and the thing is that its so long you dont even know where you are in the song#I just listen to it and go on walks which turn to runs bc im terrified#its actually normal i swear#or at least i like doing it#Also if any of you tagged me and I didn't respond to it i am SO sorry ive just been so busy 💔#please know i saw it and loved it and totally intended to respond and then forgot#also as always literally no obligation to respond and literally anyone can see this and do it even if I didnt tag them#if you read this far consider yourself tagged#alex says a thing
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Rana time!!! with the eyes of the worlds saddest rogue 🕺 tagged by the amazing wonderful @bg3 so thank YOUUU 🥰🥰❤️🫶 to do this piccrew!!
Tagging @katagawajr @opossum-on-the-spectrum @babeoffrontiers @droodle-bug @alexios @bootheminiaturegiantspacehamster @exostellar and anyone else who wants to do this piccrew for either themself, their tav, or an oc ❤️🥰🫶
#ewbie.txt#so sorry to new mutuals… I know I’m notorious for tag games and talking 😭😭😭#no one is obligated to do this!!!!!! so pls don’t feel like you need to do everything I don’t get offended 😭😭😭#I just hate not tagging people 😭#also if I tag the wrong main/side blog sorry 😭😭😭 I never know which to tag
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Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
You have... very very very very very very very very smart people you know, and they're say something that not only isn't true, but literally is as opposite of the truth as it's possible to be... and you'll... gently inform them "hey, it's actually a bit more like this" and then they just kinda... go on saying literally the exact same thing
I'm not sure if it's just that... I often feel like I must be very bad at communicating, or people must just not notice/ignore a lot of what I say, but... I don't know
Like dearest friend, you've said something as absurd as... I don't know, it's hard to say without saying it, but honest to god about as absurd as saying the United States was a part of the USSR, that level of completely getting it backwards
...and it just doesn't seem to matter when I try to explain it... I legit don't even know if you read what I said
Really end up feeling like I'm going nuts sometimes
#to be clear; I don't mind people disagreeing with me (though that's not what's happened here... I don't think I came into it at all)#but all I need in order to be able to work with disagreement is just... knowing you at least heard and understood me#like if it's 'I get that you think that vanilla is a good flavor of icecream; but I really prefer chocolate'... ok; this works for me#it's that... a lot of the time it honest feels more like 'what are you talking about? vanilla isn't a flavor' where... huh?#let's take a real example; not everyone needs to agree with me on nuclear#but like... someone saying 'I get that it's way safer these days; but I still worry about waste storage'... well ok then#but if it's just like 'but it's dangerous and will explode' even after I've explained about the designs now#where there's a salt plug that with melt and drain before anything can happen; and these materials don't like to run away#...and it's not like they're asking me to back up the source; it's like I never said anything at all...#what am I supposed to do here? you feel me on that? do you start to get why I feel like I'm going crazy when that's how it often feels?#no one is obliged to agree with me but... literally just active listening would fix this... say you heard me and we're good#acknowledge that I voiced something and it's been noted#honestly... honestly my who life it's felt like I must somehow actually be invisible#...to an extent maybe I'm a figment of my own imagination; I might well be a ghost that's lonely and makes you all up#...for all the impact my actions have#or maybe literally everything I say just comes out garbled... is that it?#this post is about something very specific; but it's also about something that happens a lot with a lot of different people#on a broader scale; why is it no one else seems to be able to connect the dots#and these aren't like... conspiracy theory dots; these are like russia buys drones from Iran; therefore russia and Iran are partners#that's the kind of dots I'm talking about connecting; please tell me that's not a conspiracy theory to you... it seems plain to me#I don't know... I really don't... I don't think much I say will ever have any impact anywhere on anyone#...honestly a good 90% of the time people don't even respond to what I say#not like my posts here; I mean direct in dms or whatever; I'll say stuff and it's just silence or a new subject#again; across multiple people; it's common... it's... I think it happens more often than it doesn't#I can instantly name 4 conversations with 4 different people that's happened with lately#and that's not counting the 3 where I know the reason why it's happened#I really am something unfit to live; the evidence is endless#mm tag so i can find things later
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Hm.
#vent#tw vent#vent in the tags#screaming in the void#okay so.#I know I don't post regularly#and maybe it's because I switch fandoms a lot but#I just wish my art would be reblogged more#and I know that it's silly and I'm probably being annoying by saying this#but it just feels really discouraging for me to post something and get a maximum of 7 notes - if I'm lucky - most if not all of which#are likes. and don't get me wrong!! I really appreciate the likes! it's good and I'm glad you like my art!!#but this site lives off of reblogs - sharing things that you like onto your own blog so that others who could potentially also like this#can find it and share it perhaps onto their blogs#if there are only likes then nobody else gets to see it and it eventually fades into the background and get lost.#I tried reblogging my own art from a while ago cuz I thought maybe that would help but. it didn't change anything. it's still all likes#if any engagement happens at all. it's frustrating because it makes me feel like what I post isn't worth being shared.#like it's not good enough. which I know! realistically is not the case but! that doesn't stop me from feeling like it#I don't know what I'm trying to say with this. I'm not trying to force anyone or guilt trip them into reblogging#of course not. no one is obligated to do anything I just. wish more people reblogged my art because yea. I *draw* for myself#but I do *post* it with the intention of it being seen and appreciated by others#that it might bring them as much joy seeing it as it did me creating it#I'm just tired#if you've read this far thank you. I really appreciate you. I love you and I hope you have a really good day <3
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