#also if anything. chase isn't the house to foreman's cuddy

[the-faultofdaedalus]

Chase from House is so interesting to me, because like, reddit people did the math and even before he gets set up as House’s heir apparent starting in like season 6-7ish he was the underling with the most amount of independent and diagnoses in his original season 1-3 run. Like all this talk of Foreman being “just like House” and Chase was just…there? his character really hits on a rewatch because of how originally he’s kind of an after thought compared to Foreman and Cameron and you don’t really like him right away but by season 3 he’s starting to stand out as the best of the 3 until mama bird House shoved him out the nest. And so he’s so out of focus from the start he was clearly not supposed to be the next in line but he was (maybe accidentally?) always the most talented??

And like, how hilarious (and sad????) it is that he’s been unaware of how hot and desirable he is until after his divorce from a woman he had to (hah) chase for years. And even once she leaves him he’s all, actually it better that you never loved me therefore I didn’t do anything wrong like???? and he discovers his pretty privilege and tests it out by asking for people’s cars and they just give the keys to him??

And the mortician doctor being like, I hate you and Chase is like??? Because it turns out he’s jealous of Chase, who seems to have seen himself as a Ken but turns out to have been a Barbie the whole time: he’s the 2nd best diagnostician in like the world at this point, beautiful, and became the hospital’s best surgeon in only a few years (as stated by both House AND the mortician who hates him), he’s a triple specialist who always seems to have a skill they need because he keeps collecting them like hobbies (remember how he was trained as a neurosurgeon but just didn’t take the test? Remember how they were like, yeah Chase know how to do hypnosis whatever). And it all came so seeming easily to Chase and it made the mortician like, SO mad because Chase has no ambition and squanders like ALL of this for years

He’s all these random assortments of traits they kept throwing at him that make no sense but also all the sense? fuck he’s a mess. He’s the child of privilege! And his father abandoned him and his mom drank herself to death! He was parentified as a teen and tried to escape to seminary school! He got kicked out for sleeping with the grounds keeper’s wife! He only became a doctor because his mom locked him in his dad’s study and he’d read the medical texts once he got tired of crying! He surfed for 7 months until his boss got out of jail because 🤷 He killed a genocidal dictator! He’s weirdly fatphobic! He was in a BDSM relationship and was NOT a dom. He’s a genius but also very gullible and easily manipulated (the cancer patient that got a kiss) , but also very cany and can read people really well (he figured out House canceled Foreman’s interview) except when they have to do with him I guess? He’s a cringefail manwhore with no swag and so many bitches! He’s just some guy! Sometimes the way he reacts to something makes it clear he’s kind of a broken mess! But mostly he’s just some beautiful, beautiful guy!

And he’s just like, hangs around people long enough where they start to care about him wayyy more then they mean to. Cameron is an obvious example but by the end House is like, idk I guess your my son? after years of Chase being like, you are my new dad now and getting bullied for it (and he gets a sibling in 13 because she is also House’s kid). And Foreman was all, I don’t like or respect you as a person, and then becomes the Cuddy to Chase’s House by the end. He just orbits them until they are like fuck I guess you’re here to stay?

chase is SO funny because he's such a boring person when by all rights he should be one of the most interesting character of the show. like truly chase is a litmus test for how insane every character in house is because chase is boring but if you transplanted him to any other media he'd be one of the most complex characters just by virtue of existing.

anyways im. not really reading all this because its late and im tired and have spent Too Long staring at some brutal markdown formatting but. he truly is just some guy. he's just Here. fuckin vibing i guess.

he's the best when he actually grows a pair and starts standing up to authority figures. he's very good because you get both "clown on chase" moments, which are great, and also cheering when he like. punches out house. or murders the afformentioned dictator. fuckin incredible

[all-pacas]

OKAY. 13 AND CHASE IN AFTER HOURS THO

The fact that when 13 needs help, she calls Chase. Why does she call him? Why doesn't she call someone else? She needs someone to deliver her a portable ultrasound, and okay, you could argue Foreman is a bad call because he's her ex and would pry. That House would just refuse. Taub would have been a good pick tbh, he would drop it off and just go home no questions asked. But no, she calls Chase

(And I love that call. "You doing anything?" "Oh, yeah, I'm just about to go out," Chase lies blatantly, asleep in bed with a book on the crusades on his chest. Like the loser he is. I don't know that it was done well but I love how S7 examines his Dumb Whore tendencies: it isn't really him, it's a rebound. He does it again when he gets stabbed.)

And of course the second he shows up he immediately sees through 13's excuses and pushes his way into the apartment. Because we love Chase's observation skills triumphing over his laziness.

13 tells Chase the prison backstory. Like! It's kind of glossed over. She hasn't told this to anyone else. She doesn't hide it. I killed my brother. It wasn't murder. Chase is just pacing, you just know he's twigged as hell, he's so anxious all at once as she tries to brush past it. The idea that 13 kind of had to tell him to explain Darrien's presence but she's also — House is the only other person who knows.

CHASE: Have you talked to anybody about it? I mean, are you okay?

Like we know this immediately triggered something in Chase, but 13 doesn't, and seeing him so anxious and pacing and ignoring the bleeding dying woman as 13 works, it's just. Incredible. It's good. He cares immediately, he's relating to this immediately.

But I love seeing them work together. Like they just immediately go in sync, Chase offering suggestions and 13 doing the work. They're just. It's nice.

SIDE NOTE: House says he called everyone before he called Cuddy. We see him call 13 and Taub. Chase is off picking up drugs, we don't see House call him, but like. He had to have called Chase first, right? Did Chase not pick up? Did he blow him off because he already was dealing with someone bleeding to death in someone's apartment??

The way they fight oh my god. The way 13 just is trying to fucking murder Chase. She punches him, she claws and shoves him, and then he just clocks her and stares horrified as she falls to the floor. Like it's an actual fight, it's brutal, it's so good. They hurt one another. I can't explain it but I love how brutal it is, that they both walk away with bruises, that it isn't pretty. Incredible. Amazing scene.

CHASE: You were defending your friend beyond all rationality, granting her the right to die in your bedroom. Was it really all because of a promise? 13: That word means something to some people. CHASE: Not that much. […] CHASE: You promised your brother you'd euthanize him and you think you won't feel bad about it as long as you can blame it on the promise. That's why you have this twisted obligation to keep all promises… or your carefully constructed defense mechanism could crumble down. 13: I saved my brother from a lot of pain.

!! Chase keeps bringing it up, he keeps bringing up her brother, not out of I can't believe you did a murder or I can't believe you went to prison but: you must hate yourself. He's calling her out on her coping mechanisms, he's calling her out on her guilt, and it's so fucking clear what he means is I get it but he's not saying that part. 13 killed her brother and now has to believe she did the right thing, no matter what, no matter how she feels. She's taking away her own agency: it was for a promise, it was his decision, she had nothing to do with it, it's fine, it doesn't feel bad. Chase killed Dibala and told himself it was for the greater good, it was morally just, it was the right thing to do, it doesn't feel bad. And it nearly destroyed him. And so he's pushing and pushing at it. He never goes 13 went to prison! he never goes it's so crazy you did that! Whenever he brings it up it's only in the context of how worried he is about her. Has she spoken to someone? Is she coping? Is this healthy? Is she okay? He's so worried. He cares so much.

I adore 13 and Chase running out of ideas with Darrien and calling dad. Most sibling coded of all time. Just. And the fact that House doesn't allude to also being in the hospital, actively bleeding and in pain, just, yes, we gotta help bail you two idiots out. Beautiful moment.

Chase getting 13 ice and coffee and still feeling guilty for punching her out, and 13 not blaming him at all. Like. You know. Don't beat people up. But in this one case I totally approve. Because I love it.

13: Darrien had to shoot that kid. It was the right thing. Completely justified. But it didn't matter. She destroyed her life trying to forget. I'm afraid that's what's gonna happen to me. CHASE: You really should talk to someone. 13: I've talked to a therapist. It didn't help. CHASE: Well, maybe you should talk to someone who isn't a therapist. 13: Do you really think you have any idea what it's like to live with something like this? CHASE: Let's grab a coffee.

Since the second Chase found out, this is what it's been leading towards. I love that he doesn't answer, he doesn't say a thing, but this is what he's been thinking all episode, why he's been pushing, why he's been so worried and caring: talk to me. Tell me you're not okay. Tell me everything isn't fine. And 13 holds it back until the end of the case, until it's over and she has no distractions. It's not at all clear Chase himself has talked to someone about Dibala, btw. He probably hasn't.

And how insane is that. He never told Foreman or House; they figured it out. He told Cameron: she left him. (Imagine being 13, hearing this. Realizing the timeline. She went to their wedding. What did she think happened when Cameron just … left? How quickly does she figure it out now?) House told Chase to talk to someone, Chase tried Confessing, but whenever he's tried to tell anyone it's gone terribly for him. I don't think he has talked to anyone. But he repeats House's advice to 13: talk to someone. (Talk to me.) He's offering her what he never got. And their situations are different, hers is much more sympathetic and easy to accept than his. Chase never goes I never got help or you have nothing to feel bad about or implies he doesn't think it's a big deal: his entire reaction is just empathy. He wants 13 to get what he didn't get, he wants to help.

The song that plays over the end of the episode is Bon Iver's Flume. And as much as you can apply it to House, and Cuddy, and Wilson, and all of that — it's a song about feeling isolated, feeling alone and being afraid of letting go. Of holding on to things that stain and hurt. The lyrics that play while 13 and Chase are having their coffee in the conference room, though:

i wear my garment/so it shows now you know

And I just! I love! Them! The ways 13 and Chase are so alike and so damaged, the way Chase reacts with empathy and care and wants her to have what he didn't, the way they know one another's secrets and worst moments and rely on one another so easily. 13's secrecy is a meme, in and out of universe, but Chase is absolutely no better: he won't even admit he's Catholic when talking to a nun. They're private to faults, they mask by sleeping around and taking risks and pretending not to care, they hide their hurts and then somehow, they punch one another in the face and know everything. I'm just. I'm so obsessed with them. I want them like this always.

[slothydaydreamer]

Forget about shipping people romantically for a moment, I'm dying over House asking CAMERON to go watch a monster truck show with him. The second person he asks when his bestie Wilson isn't available is Cameron. Not suck-up Chase, not his favourite bullying victim Foreman, not even Cuddy, no... Cameron.

(and yes, I am watching this show properly for the first time after years of secondhand consumption and watching every tiny clip YouTube throws at me)

Like, this doesn't have to mean anything, it's House, he wants to have someone go with him so he can rub it into Wilson's face later, but idk, the millisecond thought that he might allow Cameron to be his "friend for a night" kills me and fills me with glee. I want this man to want friends so bad. I want it to mean something. I want him to consider her friend potential.

Also him immediately backpedaling after she asks if it's a date. He wanted it to be platonic, he straight up forgot it could have another implication, and for me that's more tease-worthy than any other intentions he could have had

(I typed this mid episode with the intention to post here, but then I decided to keep going to see what else would happen)

It's adorable of her to try to sprinkle monster truck lingo into a conversation later

Of course Chase gets jealous and questions why he asked Cameron and not him. He wants to be a good boy so bad.

It makes me SO happy that the episode ends with the two of them actually going to the show together and having fun.

[lilacerull0]

RE: CHASE: YOU GET IT!!!!!!!!! (i'm allowed to use multiple colons in one sentence english isnt real). i think actually that everyone else on the team is a scientist and then a doctor and chase is a doctor, if that makes sense

I think this is true even when you extend "everyone else" to Cuddy and Wilson because one part of Cuddy lives vicariously through House and Wilson isn't a scientist about oncology, I think he is also strictly a doctor in that regard, but he is a scientist when it comes to people in the same way that Cameron is. Terrible at relationships, but in tune with humanity as a whole. We are supposed to perceive Cameron and Wilson as the main caregivers, but I think Chase is more sensitive than either of them precisely because he doesn't waste energy caring about every single person that exists as though he was obligated to do that. When he cares he genuinely cares about the individual and when he doesn't, he doesn't really need to? As long as he's helping the patient, why would he need to be emotionally attached? Also with Cameron and Wilson I think they enjoy the security of knowing that their time with the patient is limited so they don't have to worry about getting bored of them or committing to anyone... Cameron married a man she knew was dying and Wilson loses most of his patients which isn't the point, the point is that he expects to lose them. Chase is the only one brave enough to dedicate himself to someone. (Kind of ironic considering how everybody views him as a manwhore??? The key to understanding House M.D. is literally the show's motto: EVERYBODY LIES!!!!! Even when they belive they're telling the truth. The character analysis is more telling of the person coming up with it than the person they're analysing. You can’t take anything at face value and that's soooo realistic to me.) Oh and it's significant that only Cameron and Foreman were busy writing articles and fighting about them. I think Chase even says that Cameron has always been more interested in diagnostics than he is in one episode.

[cuntyqueerleondraisaitl]

Saw people talking about how Choreman is doomed to repeat the narrative, and that got me thinking about all their possible parallels to Hilson/Huddy, but also how they have all the potential to be MORE

One very notable thing that I catch myself thinking about a lot, is that neither character, at least when we left them in season eight, is a perfect parallel to House, Cuddy or Wilson. Instead its like you combined them all together, and then split them in half.

Like House, Chase is brilliant, sarcastic, has daddy issues and is extremely self destructive. He often doesn't think he deserves love and has a tendency to drag everyone he loves down with him. Like Cuddy, he often feels that he isn't good enough, and doesn't deserve to be in the position he's in. But like Wilson, he wants to do immense amounts of good in the world. The biggest example of this I can find is in the episode where Cuddy has to get some procedure done. Chase sits and stays with her, House ordered him to of course, but he joked around with her, and made her feel comfortable. He has an excellent bedside manner and you'd be lying if you said he didn't have "Kind eyes"

Like House, Foreman is snarky and rude, but he has two very specific people he seems to care about (House's are Wilson and sometimes Cuddy, and Foreman's are Thirteen and Chase) Like Cuddy, he immediately rises to positions of power. Cuddy was made hospital administrator in her early thirties, and Foreman rose to the occasion as soon as she left. As opposed to Chase who had a very fully fleshed-out storyline about how he was afraid to take positions of power and advance with his life and career. Like Wilson, he is the best friend who is always there. To those two people previously mentioned, he has always been there for them. Whether dealing with heavy emotional stuff (Chase getting stabbed, Thirteen's Huntingtons) or lighter stuff (the Chastity belt bet)

I definitely think that they have the potential to have a lot of Huddy parallels, but good Huddy. The very sweet parts of early season seven Huddy, before everything went south. They could calm each other down and just be outright super sweet to each other.

I think that the fact Chase is so scared of commitment could parallel nicely to the fact that House is an asshole with a negative EQ (affectionate). It really could be a huge difference because, yes Chase is scared, but he WANTS this. He wants to be happy. In opposition to Cuddy having to put up with House's jerkiness, Foreman could embrace Chase's nervous energy.

Both Chase and House are undeniably self-destructive, but one of the main Huddy/Choreman differences that I can think of is the way that their self-destruction manifests. Chase's main coping mechanism is, and I quote 'having meaningless sex with random strangers' something that would be avoided if he was in a committed relationship. Am I saying that that would immediately heal all of Chase's mental health issues? No. But It could help him.

On the Hilson side of things, there is so much potential there! Just imagine Chase having eureka moments when talking to Foreman, and them watching rugby or something together(I don't know anything about Australians don't sue me) Helping each other get ready for dates or just generally vibing.

Hilson is so similar to Huddy because both Wilson and Cuddy are enablers, but the fact that this would be both a Huddy AND Hilson parallel because Foreman would be enabling Chase in a legal way (as the hospital administrator) as well as in a social way (boyfriend and best friend)

Holy shit this got long, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love them and they are forever doomed to repeat the narrative. In their very own, fucked up, gay-ass way

[drop-dead-dropout]

ok I don't hate her I just find myself getting frustrated with her often, which I know is kinda the point cause she's always trying to prevent the story from moving forward. my "dislike" order is basically this (keep in mind I'm only on s2):

1) chase. not cause he's like problematic or something, he's just a real dick sometimes, barely advocates for his patients, and also has both 0 loyalty and 0 spine. you need at least one of those dude. it was funny when they revealed that he's been to a bdsm sex dungeon though

2) cuddy. it is Very Annoying when she is the only thing preventing the plot from moving, that's not her fault though and also I'm still getting used to this episode format so I imagine it'll stop bothering me entirely. sorry mother xx

3) foreman/cameron. this seems to be more situational but man these guys have got to stop judging their own patients so harshly. usually they end up getting proven wrong by the end of the episode and they display a suitable amount of shame/remorse when that happens so that's something at least

-1000000) wilson my baby boy. you have never done anything wrong ever. you're trying so hard you're the goodest boy in an ocean of people who suck. please never change

house isn't on the list because he's simultaneously my favorite and least favorite character

whoever did this I hope your day was amazing

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

In My Veins (3/?)

House, M.D. Fanfic

Thanks to everyone for reading and for the notes left. I really do like reading your thoughts, so keep them coming. Also, those worried about House and Cuddy getting back together quickly, don't worry. It's not that simple, no matter what was in the last chapter and what you might think after this chapter. Also, fair disclaimer, I might have some details wrong as far as what happened at the end of the show... sorry, just go with it. And I know Cameron was gone... she's back because without Wilson, I needed a but of a sounding board. She won't be annoying, don't worry.

My song companion piece for this chapter is APOCALYPTIC by Halestorm. You can find it on Youtube. Great band, and it really inspired the ending. Also if I actually owned House and characters, I wouldn't have to write fanfic...I just would have made it all canon, so there's that.

A huge thank you to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for helping to brainstorm a but and for reading all my stuff and helping edit and give feedback on what works and what doesn't. Enjoy!

xxxxx

"House isn't dead?"

Cuddy looked up from her desk to see Dr. Cameron entering her office with the memo she had sent out to everyone on the board about hiring House. "I know. I rehired him."

"No, I know. I just meant... you're not surprised? How long have you known?"

"Wilson told me at the funeral." She went back to her work then like it was no big deal. It really wasn't to her at this point.

Cameron was quiet for a moment, digesting all of this. "So you've known this whole time that he faked his death? Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't my place."

"It wasn't your place to let everyone who was grieving know that he was alive?"

Cuddy had a 'seriously' look on her face when she glanced up from her file. It was House... the only two people legitimately grieving for him were Cuddy and Wilson. "No, it wasn't. I was no longer his boss. I was no longer his girlfriend."

"Why?"

Cuddy breathed deeply. "I was already gone. Wilson was dying. He wanted to be there for his best friend for once. I wasn't going to be the one who stood in his way."

Cameron was quiet again. "You're still in love with him."

Cuddy's eyes widened. "I am not...I'm the one who ended things. He drove a car through my house!"

"And you still love him," Cameron insisted.

"I left to get away from him."

"Leaving someone doesn't mean you stop loving them."

"Is that why you're back here working at the same hospital as Chase?" Cuddy deflected then.

Cameron was quiet for a moment. "Is that why you rehired him?" she countered with a pointed look.

Cuddy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I hired him to keep an eye on him. Wilson was all he had. I just want to make sure he's not going to self destruct more than normal."

Cameron just shook her head. She could see House entering the hospital through the glass door of Cuddy's office. "I hope you know what you're doing, otherwise the hospital is going to be ground zero when the time bomb goes off."

The two women exitted the office and walked out of the clinic just in time to hear House's declaration. "Ladies and gentlemen, I have cured death!" he started. "Elvis is back in the building. If you've got questions, direct them toward Dr. Cuddy," he pointed in the direction of her office in the clinic with his cane. He then started toward the elevator.

Cameron simply looked at Cuddy, as did the other staff in the lobby. "Yeah, this isn't going to blow up at all," she said sarcastically, walking away from the mess House had seemingly already made.

Cuddy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "House, my office," she called before he could get too far.

He stopped and smiled slightly. "I knew it wouldn't be long before she just had to have me," he commented as he passed the nurse's station on the way into the clinic. "You bellowed?" He smirked as her office door closed.

She wasn't going to let him get to her. She wasn't going to bring up the kiss or anything about them. This was all going to be professional. "Maybe give the staff a few days to readjust to you before you start making bold declarations like you did this morning. Most of them are still shocked to see you alive."

"You mean you didn't post my picture all over the hospital and announce my out of retirement tour? Bummer," he commented.

She rolled her eyes. "The only people who got a memo was the board of directors. I have to notify them of any new doctor I hire in as a department head. Or in your case, a co-head."

He arched an eyebrow. "Co-head? I don't share my dictator power, you know that."

"Well you're going to have to learn. Dr. Chase took over diagnostic medicine when you left. He's done a good job, and I'm not going to demote him just because you've come back."

"Chase stole my department?"

"You left, House, that's not stealing. The hospital wasn't going to just keep the department around without an attending to run it. Chase was the most qualified. And he takes more than one case at a time," she countered, taking a seat behind her desk and crossing her arms. It was the safest place for her right then. It kept a barrier between them.

"You're really keeping him in charge of my department?"

"He's not in charge. You're both in charge. It's a good thing, House. It's going to let you ease back in. It gives you the puzzle you need. And Chase isn't Foreman... he's not going to butt heads with you or override you. I'm the only one who gets stuck in that particular level of hell."

He didn't like that arrangement, particularly, but she did have a point. Chase wasn't as bad as Foreman. He could usually manipulate Chase into getting what he wanted. "This isn't going to work," he said simply before leaving to begin the familiar walk back to his old office. He knew she wasn't going to give in, so he was stuck in the situation, at least for now.

When he stepped off the elevator, he walked down the familiar hallway. He passed by a familiar office and stopped long enough to give it a look, seeing the new name on the door. Taking a deep breath he continued on until he pushed open his old door with his cane and stepped inside.

"House..." Chase looked up from the file he was starting to review. "You're not dead."

He just gave the other man a look. "Clearly." He moved further into the office, going to the desk and dropping his bag, looking out the window toward the balcony that was on the back of what used to be Wilson's office. He breathed deeply again before grabbing his bag and turning to leave the office just as quickly as he'd come in.

"House!" Chase started.

"If you've got questions, call Cuddy," he called over his shoulder.

"We have a case!" Chase called from the open office door, only to see House continue walking. "House!"

House got on the elevator and went back to the main floor. He marched right back into Cuddy's office, past her objecting assistant. "I need a new office," he stated, leaning on his cane as he stood in front of her desk.

She took another moment before looking up from her file. "What's wrong with your old office?"

"Don't like it. Chase made it into a shrine for his ex-wife."

Cuddy just rolled her eyes and went back to her work. "You aren't getting a new office."

"I can't work in my old office. And while we're on the topic of needs...I need to hire a new team."

She looked up again and leaned back in her chair since he clearly was not going away. "You don't need to hire a team. The Diagnostics Department is already fully staffed with a team of excellent doctors."

"That's Team Chase. I need Team House. You have two department heads. We each get a team," he insisted.

She shook her head. "That's not how this works. You share the team that's there. It's not unreasonable. You personally only take one case at a time... I'm not hiring more doctors into that department for one extra case. I don't have the budget for that because I hired you."

"My salary is not equal to what it costs for my own team."

"No, your salary isn't. But when I hired you, I not only had to budget for your salary...I also had to budget for your lawsuits, the MRI machines you always seem to misuse and break, and all the other various incidental costs that come with employing an egomaniac like you," she pointed out. "Use the team. They're good."

He clenched his jaw for a moment before hitting his cane on the ground a few times. "Fine. I'll use Team Chase under protest. I still need a new office."

She shook her head. "There is no office available. Your office is fine. It's the biggest office outside of mine."

"Right... great idea. I'll just use your office until there is one available."

Her eyes widened and she pushed her chair back from her desk. "You will not!" She stood to face him.

"Then find me another office. Otherwise I'm moving in."

"I told you, there is no other office."

"Alright, Roomie," he said, moving to take a seat in one of her more comfortable chairs. "When my stethoscope is on the door, it means I've got a hooker in here."

She managed to contain her temper, instead moving back behind her desk. Maybe if she just ignored him, he'd realize he wasn't getting the attention he wanted and just go away.

xxxxx

House stood on her porch, beating on her door with his cane.

"Stop making so much noise. You're going to wake up Rachel," Cuddy said, pulling her robe tighter around herself as she opened the door.

"Not my problem. I wouldn't be here banging on the door if her mother weren't such a controlling idiot," he pushed past her.

"Right. Why don't you come in. We can talk about how I'm the idiot," she shook her head as she closed the door. She had expected to butt heads with him again, had even expected him to show up at her house to argue his point. But she hadn't expected it so soon. He hadn't even been back a whole week yet. She also wasn't sure what, if anything exactly, had set him off.

"You said I could have a team."

She just looked at him for a moment. Really? This was what he was so upset about? "I already told you. You do have a team. Chase and the three fellows that make up the diagnostics department."

"And I already told you. That's Chase's team. I want my team."

She gave a soft laugh. "There are four doctors...five, counting yourself, that make up the diagnostic department. Six if you count bugging Cameron in the ER with your theories. Seven if you count me vetoing your crazy theories and unnecessary procedures. That's more than enough to bounce theories around and handle your single patient of the week. I'm not letting you hire anyone else."

"First of all, you're not a real doctor, so you don't count," he started in on her. "Cameron isn't nearly as helpful now as she was when she worked for me. And Chase's team is too busy dealing with Chase's patients to be worried about my patient. I want my own team," he insisted angrily.

"No," she crossed her arms. "There are three doctors you can use to your heart's content. One patient a week does not justify me adding another team to your department."

He rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot!"

"You already said that," she pointed out.

"You're a horrible doctor. And you're cheap. You being a cheap idiot is what killed my patient!"

Ah... so that's what this was about. His patient had died. "You want to blame me because you didn't figure out the diagnosis," she stated.

"I'm blaming you because you're too cheap and too stubborn to let me have my own team. If I had my own team, they would have focused on my one patient instead of my one patient and Chase's three! My patient died because I don't have a team that is focused. We missed something because the team had to split their focus! They had to split their focus because you have some ridiculous urge to try to control me! This is on you!"

She gave a laugh. "Really? I think you've more than proven over the years that I have no control over you. You're uncontrollable," she countered. "Even when we were together you made it clear that I never controlled you."

He clenched his jaw and turned a bit more to really square off with her. She wasn't pissed off enough yet... he'd poke a different spot, push a different button. "That's what this little power play is really about. Me. You're still hot for me. And it drives you crazy."

She arched an eyebrow. "What are you even talking about?"

"You're pissed at me over everything that happened with us. This is your way of getting back at me for the way things ended."

"Don't go there," she warned lowly. That was a very dangerous hole to go down.

That's exactly where he wanted to go. He'd found the exact button to push and now he wasn't going to stop. This was the reaction he'd wanted. "Our entire relationship, you constantly said you never wanted me to change who I was. You knew how screwed up I was. You acknowledged it. I think it even got you off. You said you never wanted me to change. But in the end it did matter. Turns out that you really did want me to change after all. You probably thought you were such a great catch that you could make me change."

"I didn't break up with you because you didn't change. And for the record, I never asked you to."

"No, it was because one time when I thought you were dying, I slipped up. I thought I was losing the woman I loved, and I took a pill to numb everything for a few hours because I didn't know how to deal with that kind of pain."

"House, stop," she swallowed hard. She could feel her temper flaring with every word.

"I made one mistake. One. And the almighty, perfect Dr. Cuddy just couldn't be with anyone who isn't as perfect as she is! Only aside from your ass, there's not a perfect bone in your body."

"One mistake?! You think you only made one mistake our entire relationship? I never said I was perfect, but you...you lied to me. Multiple times. You weren't there when I needed you. You never showed up when I needed you... it was only when it was convenient for you and your damn ego! When I was sick you brought your whole team to try to diagnose me!"

"Because I was trying to save you!"

"You don't get to run around playing God! You can't decide who lives and dies, House! You can't save everyone! I didn't want House the doctor, I wanted House the man I loved!"

"This isn't about money or even you being stubborn. This is about you and me. This is about you being so angry at yourself that despite everything I've done, everything that happened, you can't help but still want me. You're still attracted to me, and you hate it,  hate yourself. So you're blaming me... taking it out on me with the one thing that you can control. My work," he growled angrily.

"If that were true, why the hell would I have rehired you?!"

"Because you want to fuck with me... in both senses of the word!" He yelled at her. "It's not my fault you can't control yourself around me. It's not my fault you still want me and what only I can do for you. It's not my fault..."

She interrupted him with a hot, angry kiss. It was searing and fierce, biting his lower lip roughly. When they both pulled away a moment later, they just stared at each other... really, more of a glare. They were both angry...at each other, at the situation, at the truth. They both were upset. That was it... the gasoline had been poured on and this was the final spark that caused the explosion.

Her hands fisted in his shirt pulling him against her as her lips crashed hard into his. His cane dropped as his hands yanked her robe open and began roaming possessively. There was nothing tender or gentle in the way he touched her... nor in the way she touched him. This was raw, unbridled passion and lust... tension that had been building between them probably since things ended if they were being brutally honest with themselves.

Her robe finally fell from her shoulders and her back hit the wall hard. His fingers were rough on her skin, grabbing her body in ways she knew would leave bruises, but she couldn't bring herself to care... leaving her own marks on his body from her mouth and nails.

She didn't even care about his shirt, going straight for his belt and jeans. They weren't going to make it to her bedroom. Even if this weren't such an urgent need for both of them, she wasn't ready to invite him back into her bed. So she shoved him down on the couch, yanking his pants over his hips in the process. She moved to straddle him, teeth moving over the skin of his neck until they sunk into his pulse point hard, eliciting a deep groan from his chest.

His fingers dug into her hips hard enough to leave fingerprint bruises, and his eyes were dark as they met hers. He quickly pushed her to her back underneath him on the couch, unwilling to give her the control he knew she wanted. His mouth ravaged every inch of available skin, biting and sucking, leaving marks everywhere that would serve as a reminder of him. At the same time his hands moved underneath her nightgown groping possessively, pulling her close and making sure he reminded her that no one else knew her body the way he did.

She gave him a few minutes to think he was in control, but there was no way she was letting him keep it. Her hands groped his shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it somewhere to the side. Before he could realize it, she gave a shove to flip him to his back, which sent them both falling off the couch. He landed on the floor with a thud and a grunt, and she landed on top of him triumphantly. Her thighs straddled his, and she pinned his wrists to the floor on either side of his head, refusing to let him touch her for the moment. Her mouth ran along his throat, teeth grazing the skin as she dropped her hips.

xxxxx

By the time they were done, they were both still laying on the floor where they'd landed when they rolled off the couch, only he was now on top of her. His shirt was on her coffee table, his pants still around his ankles. They both had red marks on their bodies that would most likely turn into bruises, bite marks in various places, and she'd left rather nasty scratches down his back with her nails that had broken skin.

Neither said a word. Neither even moved until soft footsteps were heard in the hall. "Mommy?"

Shit. Rachel was awake and apparently out of bed. She gave House a shove so she could slip out from underneath him. "Go back to bed, Sweetie. I'll be there in a minute, okay?" She called to her daughter, hoping her voice still sounded normal. She waited until she heard the footsteps fade back down the hallway before getting up, still without a word to him. She straightened her nightgown and picked up her robe as she disappeared to take care of her daughter.

House laid on his back, staring up at her ceiling for a few moments before finally sitting up and redressing. Pushing himself up, he limped over to where his cane had landed and picked it up before silently letting himself out of her house. He stood on her porch for a few moments, trying to process his conflicting thoughts and feelings before shaking his head and starting toward his bike. He couldn't let this happen again. He knew he'd never be what she needed. He wasn't the right guy for a single mom. And he knew that she knew that. So he wasn't going to torture himself with the rejection that would inevitably come.

[all-pacas]

Potentially stupid question, but when House punches Chase in S3 (Finding Judas I think?), did the other fellows find out? We see Wilson find out and presumably Cuddy would as well (hospital liability), but it wasn’t clear to me if Foreman and Cameron knew about the punch and I’m super curious how Cameron would have reacted and/or thought about it all.

And on that note, do you think it did much of anything to House and Chase’s (admittedly weird) relationship? Because it kind of feels like it should have and yet…didn’t? I’ve never been sure what to do with in but love reading your insights.

So first, the other fellows definitely knew: House punched Chase in the middle of a crowded lobby, so I assume the whole building knows, and in the next episode Chase is sporting a massive bruise and being unusually quiet in differentials. Wilson also mentions the punch to Cameron later, who doesn't act surprised. My guess is the rumors got around immediately, Chase probably confirmed when the others asked because he's mad and not in the mood to cover for House, and then Chase did his thing and brushed it off because talking? About his feelings?

As for how it changed House and Chase's relationship… I don't think it changed their relationship much, but I think it did definitely change Chase. In a real way, Finding Judas was a turning point for Chase. He spends half the episode being openly derided by Foreman and even Cameron, the entire hospital thinks he's a rat who is BFFs with Tritter, and he's done nothing wrong. He finds out that everyone, even his colleagues, think he has no moral character, that he's just a useless rich kissass. He solves the case, and gets punched by his mentor. Chase keeps looking for approval, and not only does he not get it, but everyone thinks he's pathetic.

CHASE: He nearly maimed a little girl. I got it right. And I told him, and it didn't matter.

It didn't matter. It's one thing to get picked on and called an ass-kisser (Foreman's been calling him that since season one) if in the end, you get proven right, you get respect from the person you want it from. But it didn't pay off. It didn't matter. Everyone thinks Chase is pathetic, even when he gets it right. Wilson tells him how pointless it is to wait for House's approval, and Chase says he's not waiting anymore.

And he… kind of doesn't. He still laughs at House's jokes (Chase actually finds him funny, this is genuine), but suddenly Chase is acting a lot more confident around the office: in Insensitive he comes up with a good idea the others give him credit for, in Half Wit Chase is suddenly okay with the risk of breaking into House's place and having sex in House's bed with only a "if I'm getting fired anyway…" shrug. He's uncomfortable with the hospital sex, but goes along. And sure, a lot of this is because he wants to get laid, but Chase's defining character trait from S1 was don't risk your job. He's suddenly pretty blasé! In Airborne he solves another case. In Act Your Age he ignores House's orders and goes home for the night. In the Foreman resignation drama, he gets annoyed and starts poking at House and Foreman, and let's not forget that when Chase gets fired in Human Error, it's after he barges into House's office and starts to lecture him on the Foreman situation.

Which, for the record, I don't think House was offended by. But Chase gets really assertive after the punch. He's making good calls, he isn't constantly covering his ass, he's being kind of defiant. He's not looking for House's approval. And ironically, I think House probably likes him more this way. House grins when Chase first calls him out on the Foreman situation, and is pleased in The Jerk when Chase does it again. And this trend, of course, continues into S4 and S5 and beyond. Chase isn't trying to impress House anymore, not in the same way. He's standing up for himself and it's working for him. And House in turn treats Chase just a little more like an equal.

Later seasons Chase still likes House a lot, laughs at his jokes, and tattles to him all the time, but he stops kissing his ass. He's less likely to defend House at face value, and far more likely to push back or even ignore House entirely and do what he thinks is right. He punches House and grins when he apologizes, unconcerned that it will get him fired. Chase stops being a lapdog, and I think it all goes back to that punch in Finding Judas.

[all-pacas]

I love your pre-canon house fics, do you have any hcs about all the things chase did to get into houses good graces?

i actually really think being an intensivist was a big one. even if chase isn't helping much in differentials, he's keeping the patient alive. he's shown to be really good at this. he is giving house more time to do wacky things and spitball! in s1-3 chase is very much the default Work On The Patient guy. in kids, foreman actually goes out of his way to fetch chase for a procedure he wasn't feeling sure on; in cursed we see cuddy immediately defer to chase and do what he says in an emergency. chase is good at this shit! house would absolutely appreciate it. he does appreciate it.

also i think chase just straight up bought house coffee all the time. kissed his ass. buckled down and studied. he's a very good manipulator, he kisses ass on a professional level. and house absolutely knows that's what chase is doing. but he can appreciate the hustle. he can appreciate what he's doing. chase also doesn't ask for much in return (not even respect, lol). if the s5 get your boss to do neurosurgery for me thing is an indication, chase waits to call in favors until he needs them. so house gets to enjoy all his free coffee and chase doing his clinic hours without needing to do much back!

i do think house had chase and his daddy issues pegged immediately. and, well, house might not admit it, but he's pretty strongly sympathetic to kids with tough family situations. look how nice he is to luke in sorcratic method. to the girl in one day, one room. to the woman in control who keeps self harming. he gets it. i think he took one look at chase and went oh this kid's parents fucked him up, and while that isn't enough to get house to change how he acts, it's… you know. it's familiar. and chase is doing his best to never admit vulnerability or weakness and moved across the globe, literally, and i think house was also like yeah, i can appreciate that level of denial for non-personal reasons absolutely.

not even sucking up, but chase absolutely thinks house is hilarious. no one laughs at house's jokes! wilson sometimes but that's it! chase thinks house is so cool and you can't tell me house doesn't enjoy that. chase was gonna applaud his juggling that one time :( it's genuine

house probably went through a hazing period where he, as in s4, tried to have chase do shit like wash my car, went out of his way to bully him, tried to find the line. and there was never a line. chase just deadass did anything, put up with anything. there's utter spineless patheticness and then there's oh he really, really wants to be here, and that's one of house's main hiring criteria tbh

[quordleona03]

Okay, thoughts I have had since then about the House MD/MASH crossover: It happens during season one (March 2005), during the Vogler arc - somewhere between "Control" and "Heavy". This gives me four dynamics to play with: Hawkeye's determination to be recognised as the medical decision-maker for Francis Mulcahy, which he absolutely would be if this was New York State where they have a slew of paperwork recognising each other as such: but nothing in New Jersey. Hawkeye is also frantically worried about Francis and determined to move Francis back to Bellevue in New York city just as soon as he legally can. Hawkeye is going head-to-head against Gus Mulcahy, son of one of Francis's older brothers, who is insisting he's the family decision-maker and has more rights than this old queer. Vogler is unimpressed by scruffy shabby cHawkeye hanging out in the hallway near a patient's room where he has no legal right to be and wants him moved on. (Vogler has no idea who Hawkeye is and not much interest either, but Gus Mulcahy impresses him as a straightforward retired businessman with strong family feeling.) House is fascinated by Francis's case and wants to cure him. He knows who Doctor B. F. Pierce is (very distinguished thoracic surgeon, made a speech at the White House) and resents the hell out of him because that's how House handles being impressed. Of the ducklings, Foreman likes and is impressed by Hawkeye: Cameron is unwillingly charmed by him: and Chase, who has daddy issues and who realises Vogler doesn't like Hawkeye, is determined to be neither impressed nor charmed. Wilson figures out who Hawkeye is and teases House about how Hawkeye had the guts to make an impressive and infuriating public speech, which totally isn't going to come back and bite Wilson in the ass in a couple of episodes. House wants to keep Francis at the hospital and so keeps siding with Gus and justifying his doing so by making homophobic comments to the ducklings until one of them snaps. Cuddy knows and is impressed by Doctor B. F. Pierce, but is trying not to have a confrontation with Vogler over one patient. She is also keen not to have Doctor Pierce lodge a discrimination suit against the hospital, and she's confident that in House's abilities. Her goal would be to have Hawkeye stop hanging round the hospital, Francis stays there as patient, Hawkeye gets kept informed by phone. And the FOURTH dynamic thrust: the hospital's security staff are, a lot of them, ex-military, and a significant proportion of them got a dishonourable discharge for being gay. They know who Doctor Pierce is - he's the man who in 2000 called out the President of the United States in public on live TV for letting the US military discriminate against gays, and they are prepared collectively to do just about anything for Doctor Pierce: fetch him a comfy sofa from the oncology lounge to sit on in the hallways, keep an eye out and give him early warning of Vogler or Cuddy, bring him sandwiches and coffee. Cuddy finds this bewildering, House finds this infuriating, and Hawkeye finds it hilarious, though he's running low on energy to find anything hilarious.

So, what do you think?

"family values" ive never seen House but I know enough about it that I am VERY curious about a MASH crossover with it -Queen

Okay @thebreakfastgenie also asked about this one, so let's start with this.

I worked out to my own satisfaction (if no one else's) that Hawkeye Pierce was born in 1922 and he had his 28th birthday in Korea. Francis Mulcahy was born in 1919. The first series of House MD is 2004 - which made it just possible that Hawkeye and Mulcahy, who are in my headcanon still living in New York City, could have encountered Doctor Gregory House - Princeton-Plainsboro is not that far away from New York. And the thought of Hawkeye and House clashing head-on was actually irresistible to me. And still is. I just had to figure out why and how. (I came up with some kind of random idea about getting them to meet due to Francis Mulcahy working for a charity that provides medical care to homeless people and James Wilson having a homeless schizophrenic brother, but it never went anywhere, and the bits I did write are one of the formally Abandoned And Discontinued works I've posted on AO3. To be clear, that House MD/MASH crossover is dead in the water; it has no connection with this one.) In this crossover, it's Cuddy who's met Doctor B. F. Pierce, and of course Lisa Cuddy remembers him:

Cuddy knew him when she saw him, though it had been twenty years. His hair was completely white and his face more deeply lined. He was walking around the anteroom to her office, back and forth, briskly, the cup of coffee her PA had evidently made for him sitting on the low table beside the visitor’s sofa, untouched. His face looked grim.

He stopped when he saw her, and his face changed. “Doctor Cuddy.” He came towards her, hand out, speaking with energy. He was smiling.

“Doctor Pierce.” Cuddy couldn’t tell if he’d recognised her. “It’s good to meet you again.”

Hawkeye and Mulcahy are in New Jersey - day trip from New York - and Francis is meeting one of the many sons of his many brothers for coffee at 11. Hawkeye, who cannot stand this particular nephew, has picked someplace else to be and is meeting up with Francis for lunch at noon - except -

“I’ve lost track of a friend, and I hoped you could help me find him.”

“What?” Cuddy said. She was disconcerted. “You think he’s on the staff here?”

“Oh, no,” Pierce said. “We drove through from New York this morning. Then he had an appointment to meet someone – and so did I – and we were meant to meet up again at noon. He didn’t show, he hasn’t answered his phone, I’m worried he may be in trouble – he’s got a pacemaker, fitted a couple of years ago, and he didn’t look well this morning. He said he was all right – I thought – Well, Doctor Cuddy, I’m afraid I just wanted your help to locate him.”

“You could ask at reception,” Cuddy said. She was almost amused.

“There are three hospitals in this area with emergency rooms that he might have been taken to,” Pierce said. He smiled: quick, wide, and charming. “I’m sure all it would take is three quick phone calls from you.”

“Please, sit down,” Cuddy said. “Can I have your friend’s name?”

“Francis Mulcahy,” Pierce said.

Meanwhile, in A&E:

“Have you been hospitalised before?” Foreman asked the patient.

The man was definitely conscious. But he didn’t react to the question. His hands were twitching, and his head kept turning, from one side to the other, but not quite as if he were looking. Quite abruptly he said something – or Foreman thought he did: it was a thick grunt, but there seemed to be words in it.

“What did you say, sir?”

The man didn’t grunt again. His right hand raised, awkward and twitchy, once, twice, and dropped to his side. He lifted his head and his head twitched again.

“Has he had symptoms like this before?” Foreman asked the nephew.

“I don’t know,” the man s aid. “He’s – he’s always seemed very capable, he’s very independent. We’ve been trying to persuade him to move here, to be near us – for years. He retired. He was a teacher, but he retired about twenty years ago.”

Fifty years after Sins & Virtues, Francis Mulcahy has just become one of House's Patients of the Week, and Greg House and Hawkeye Pierce are about to meet.

“Doctor Cuddy! Doctor Mandinka wants to do an MRI on a grand mal patient with syphilis, and I need you to tell him it’s a complete waste of time.” “You can’t tell him yourself?” Cuddy asked. She glanced apologetically at Pierce, who was eyeing House and Foreman with an impatient and disapproving look.

“He wouldn’t listen to me,” House said.

Foreman sighed. “I think the patient has a brain tumor,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Doctor Pierce,” Cuddy said.

“Oh, were we interrupting something?” House turned to stare full at Pierce. His face changed: eyes widened, mouth tucked down. His voice changed. “Visiting lecturer?”

When I initially came up with this idea of Mulcahy as PoW and Hawkeye as Concerned Partner, it seemed foolproof. House and Hawkeye having a sarcasm marathon! Hawkeye being infuriated by House and then impressed by him! House making assumptions about Doctor B. F. Pierce and meeting Hawkeye full on and being unwillingly impressed by him! Two wisecracking sarcastic doctors for the price of one Patient of the Week! Except that a House MD story about one of the Patients of the Week is always fundamentally about House and/or one of the ducklings. But all of the plot development I was coming up with, was about Hawkeye, who is running full-on into the facts of the law in the US at the time: Mulcahy has a blood relative, his nephew, standing by and claiming the right to make his medical decisions, and all of the paperwork that gives Hawkeye the right to be Francis's medical decision-maker is valid in New York State, not in New Jersey. When I realised I was in the middle of a complicated scene in which Hawkeye is calling the convent to speak to Maria Angelica ("Kathy! It's Hawkeye. You've got to fax me medical power of attorney for Francis, sister trumps nephew, right? Yes, can we deal with how I'm going to hell ANOTHER TIME, you don't want your idiot nephew Gus making medical decisions for Francis, do you?") I realised that I wasn't writing a House MD story but a long-term-relationship story in which Hawkeye was finding House an irritating but useful background character, I realised I needed somehow to think of some way to make the House MD half of the story more interesting that just the various medical tests and misconceptions that House and the ducklings are going through to figure out what is wrong with Francis Mulcahy. And Mulcahy, sadly, is mostly deathly ill throughout the story. But I still count it as a WIP, because I'd still like to write it.

[all-pacas]

What do you think would've happened if Chase left with Cameron after Dibala? Assuming, he didn't panic and Cameron forgiving him was truly enough to assuage him of his guilt?

That's a good question and it's very hard to answer!

Because the thing is, Cameron didn't forgive him. Not in the least. Cameron decided to blame House. It was House's fault. He manipulated poor Chase. She doesn't want to believe Chase could do something like that, so she's shifting the blame. But it's denial, not forgiveness. Her acceptance of the situation hinges on the idea that Chase didn't do it.

Chase also, crucially, doesn't feel that bad about it. Don't get me wrong. The act of murder actually does weigh on him heavily. He spends weeks having a slow breakdown about it. But he really does feel like ultimately he did the right thing. Kill one person to save thousands. It sucked, but he doesn't regret it. He feels guilty because he killed a man, but he tells Cameron pretty explicitly he doesn't want to take it back:

CHASE: What I did may be the worst thing I ever did. It may be the best. I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer, but I did it. Me. And even if it destroys me, I’d do it again today. CAMERON: You don't mean that. This isn't you. CHASE: I'm not running away from what I did because you want to pretend I never did it.

We also see it in earlier episodes. Chase pretty quickly shifts away from an urge to turn himself in, to tell Cuddy or the police what he did. He starts pushing Foreman to help him cover it up: he wants to get away with murder. He gets angry when a priest tells him to turn himself in. He does not believe he deserves to be punished. He really doesn't think he did anything wrong.

And as part of this, Chase fundamentally disagrees with Cameron's attempts to shift the blame. House didn't do it. He did. And even when he tells her so, she tries to deny it: this isn't you. You aren't telling the truth.

At the start of the episode, Cameron says she can live with (very interesting word choice) all the crimes he committed and the lies he told to cover them up. And I think that's true, she means it or believes she does. But only by pretending they weren't Chase's fault.

So if Chase went to Chicago with her — let's say House never planted the seed that she didn't really forgive him — I honestly still think they're on borrowed time. At first things might go fine! Chase really does want Cameron to forgive him, he really does have ptsd and feel awful about murdering a guy, and Cameron is kind of into, uh, needy and broken people. They get a fresh start, and Chase doesn't have anyone but Cameron as a support network in Chicago — which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it means he's gonna be relying on her more, and I think she'd be into that, they'd have some complimentary neediness going on.

But eventually? This is going to come up again. Cameron's forgiveness is very conditional. Chase truly doesn't think he did anything wrong. Without House to bring it up, they might last longer, but sooner or later it'll come to a head again, and the marriage will be over.

[all-pacas]

re your post about the implications of the tyrant and if chase thinks he’s a good person, how does “don’t turn into a good guy on me now” factor into all of this?

Chase has a shitty reputation.

In S1, he rats on House to Vogler. Foreman is hardly an unbiased source, but he tells House during that arc that Chase should be fired because:

HOUSE: [Chase is rich]. You resent it, but you’re going to tell me he doesn’t need the job. FOREMAN: He doesn’t appreciate the job. HOUSE: He was ready to go three rounds with Cameron for it. FOREMAN: He wants the job. He just doesn’t appreciate it. There’s nothing wrong with just wanting to hang out, but this is not the place to do it.

Chase is lazy. He flirts with girls. He doesn't appreciate the job.

S3, his reputation precedes him. Again. It comes up a couple times in Finding Judas:

CAMERON: It's his dad's fault. CHASE: My dad was an ass. CAMERON: But you did everything he wanted you to and, in return, you got everything you wanted. CHASE: Yeah. It's that simple. CAMERON: His strategy worked. Dad got him a cushy job, paid for his cushy life. CHASE: Cut me out of his cushy will. FOREMAN: I told you, just his nature. Poor guy's hardwired to kiss ass.

TRITTER: You have a, uh, reputation as a bit of an opportunist. You already gave your boss up once, from what I've heard. CHASE: To save my job. He goes down now, I lose my job. TRITTER: If you lose your job, you find another one. You get fired, chances don't look so hot. CHASE: Why would he fire me? TRITTER: Because you rolled on him. CHASE: I haven't rolled on him. TRITTER: I think you will. And he's gonna think you already did.

Chase is an opportunist. He's weak willed, he's spoiled, he's a rat.

And S4:

AMBER: You have a chance to make his life miserable. CHASE: I'm insulted. You conned Cameron by appealing to her humanity. AMBER: I told her what she wanted to hear. CHASE: And you told me what you thought I wanted to hear. (97 Seconds)

The 97 Seconds one is my favorite, because Amber has never spoken to him before. Where did she get this information? It has to be common knowledge around the hospital: Chase is petty. He's vengeful. He hates House and is looking for revenge! Or from Foreman again:

FOREMAN: If he's trying to screw with me because he's jealous Cuddy didn't ask him to take this job… CAMERON: Right. You're figuring he's jealous of your misery. FOREMAN: He's messed up enough to… (Mirror Mirror)

He's out for revenge! He's jealous! He's just soooo petty!

Chase's reputation sucks. It's not that all of these takes are wrong. Exactly. Chase is petty. He is an opportunist who looks out for himself. But it's also, obviously, not completely true. He isn't looking for revenge on House, he does not care Foreman is back in Diagnostics. He cares deeply about his job and, despite Foreman's assertions (other post topic: Foreman is really bad at getting Chase), he does very much want it. On the other hand, he is an asskisser. He did rat on House one time. He is an opportunist.

Even Cameron, who usually defends Chase or at least doesn't shade him often, thinks he's absolutely the kind of person who will have sex with someone while they're high. And, well…

As for how (or if) this affects Chase's self worth… it seems to, a little. He's clearly mad/upset in Finding Judas that everyone thinks he's weak and pathetic, up to and including getting punched. He is a little offended (and a little amused) at Amber's assertions. Does he think he's a good person? Probably not. Not in a self loathing, woe is me way. But he's aware of how he's perceived and doesn't really try to fight it. He remains an opportunist. I don't think he thinks he's a bad person, but I'm sure, for example, he completely buys that Cameron is a good one, and better than him. And I think it probably did sting a little in S2 when she said she didn't think he was.

But not enough for him to do anything to change.

[all-pacas]

Can you spare anymore dean Cameron and Chase MD headcannons?

DEAN CAMERON AU:

ironically i think. i really think. this might be the only timeline where this relationship works out in a way that isn't toxic. make of that what you will.

S6: Cameron and Chase return to Diagnostics after Foreman fucks it all up. Because Cameron isn't getting written off, though, Dibala goes differently: he dies of genuine medical error. Chase has nothing to do with it. Cameron, however, is still affected: she was wishing for this guy's death, and he did die, and she felt good about it, and she did not like that in herself. She comes to the same general conclusion as in canon — that Diagnostics is a Bad Place To Be — but it's tempered quite a bit by the lack of murder. When House goes recruiting, she very firmly refuses and goes back to the ER; she's finally gotten all of that out of her system.

Chase for his part does drift back to Diagnostics, with Cameron's tentative blessing; now instead of divorce jokes he gets made fun of for being henpecked etc. He also does the S3 thing of agreeing with everything Cameron says, even though she isn't even on the team, which House finds super aggravating. Cameron can now refer anything she wants to Diagnostics, and does this a lot. Chase and Thirteen start becoming friends, although that relationship turns out differently — they can't bond over being murderers, but Chase also won't flirt with her. So… win-win?

S7: House and Cuddy start dating. Now What turns into a very weird comedy, because House still calls Chase to run interference, but Cuddy calls Cameron for the same. So they're both running around trying to hide their scheming from one another and keep the hospital going. Cameron spends S7 getting to be really good buddies with Cuddy, even trying to offer her relationship tips (House and Chase are both cringing here). In at least one episode there's a subplot where Cameron is babysitting Rachel and everyone is like oooooh when are youuuuuu having a baby? She also is slowly turning into something like Cuddy's second in command.

Cameron is still very much in Boundaries Era with House, but when Masters joins the team she gets more involved: Cameron likes Masters right off the bat and really tries to mentor her and give her like. Tips. Chase still finds Masters super annoying, so some of Cameron's tips are how to manage that idiot.

Because Chase never gets to enter his Dumb Whore Era, the doxxing episode gets replaced with one where the subplot is House seeing the writing on the wall — namely, that Cameron is turning more Cuddy-ish by the day, and he does not need someone on his team with the boss on speed-dial: he wants Chase to pick between Cameron and Diagnostics, and Cameron is like well obviously it's me and Chase feels genuinely conflicted. This is sympathetic and understandable but not the correct response in Cameron's view. He's like what, I can't have a backup plan even though every step of our relationship you had one foot out the door? And then 😬😬😬

Much more minor version of Lockdown ensues, time to Have It Out about all the problems they're ignoring and coasting past! You can even tie the earlier "ooooh when are you two having a babyyyy" cliche plot into this: No time soon, because it turns out Chase isn't convinced that at some point Cameron's not gonna skip town! For some nice narrative contrast, they make up at the same time that House and Cuddy break up. At the end of S7, House drives his car into Cuddy's house.

S8! DEAN CAMERON TIME. She's appointed assistant Dean/emergency Dean when Cuddy resigns, on Cuddy's recommendation. Foreman, meanwhile, is handed Diagnostics. In the year that House is in jail, Taub and Thirteen still quit, and Foreman is having trouble attracting new fellows; Chase doesn't go surfing for a year, but has spent the past year in another department (The OR? ICU?) Out of prison, Cameron gleefully informs House that he can have his job back… under Foreman. He's now a fellow, not head of Diagnostics. So many antics ensue. Chase also moves back to Diagnostics on Cameron's request. He absolutely revels in being an open tattletale/sleeping with the boss, although House is pretty quickly able to corrupt Chase into not tattling, at least some of the time. Foreman is losing his mind.

As Dean, Cameron is doing a good job! She can do the schmoozing, she really can do the paperwork, this is a temporary posting but she really wants to make it permanent. Her one struggle is that she really keeps trying to micro-manage Diagnostics/House/Foreman/Chase. Chase, meanwhile, is still struggling between wanting to appease House and Cameron; between really enjoying being in Diagnostics and feeling like he's "supposed" to be a rat/man on the inside/line to Cameron. He's still feeling pretty torn.

Nobody's Fault/Chase still happens. Cameron freaks. She immediately insists Chase quit Diagnostics, says it was a huge mistake for him to go back, she never should have let him, etc. Chase's crisis now is that, hang on, let him? He's always kind of done what he was told, what was expected of him. Now it's as though Cameron is in charge of his life. Maybe he doesn't want to be her man on the inside, maybe he doesn't want to do what she tells him, maybe he also doesn't want to be House's lackey either. Hell, he never even wanted to be a doctor, that was just what his father wanted. For once he'd like to make his own damn decisions. Divorce round two! Chase quits the hospital several months before he's "supposed" to.

Wilson gets cancer. House fakes his death. Etc.

Post series: Foreman runs Diagnostics. Cameron is permanent Dean. Chase… god knows. He's gotten a job at a different hospital, without anyone familiar telling him what to do.

[all-pacas]

Let's talk about House and his views on authority!

House says in one episode something like - underlings can disagree with me all they want. It's healthy. I am uninterested in this from my boss. House tolerates a pretty large amount of insubordination among his team. He wants Foreman and Cameron to fight him: Taub doesn't really make the cut to the team until Ugly, where he's willing to blow up his entire career to fight House on what he believes: even Noted Asskisser Chase actually disagrees with House and pushes back more often than you'd think. House doesn't mind disobedience if it's sincere, if it's because the person has a genuine reason for acting as they do. I love this exchange in s1:

CAMERON: I wanted you to know Chase is worried you’re going to fire him. HOUSE: It’s bad enough that screw-ups cost lives. Now we’ve got Vogler, screw-ups cost jobs. I want Chase scared. I want him doing everything he can to protect his job. (control)

As we find out, Chase does do everything he can to protect his job: he rats to Vogler. And House isn't pleased about this, he gives Chase quite a lot of shit and spends Kids bullying him for the choice… but he doesn't fire Chase. He never had any real intention to

WILSON: You should just fire Chase. HOUSE: What, and miss out on all this fun? WILSON: So you’re going to torture him for a while and then fire him? That’s cold. HOUSE: You don’t think he has it coming? WILSON: Hey, I said fire him. HOUSE: That’s cold. All he did was save his job. (kids)

This is also something we see with House's stance on religion, oddly enough. He thinks it's stupid. But he tends to actually be very respectful of sincere belief. Defiance and arguing is good, if it's sincere. If it's out of ambition or 'to follow the rules,' fuck you. House wants his employees to care enough about their work and patients to do anything — including defy him and rat to a billionaire — to protect it.

Likewise, even though he almost always disagrees with Cuddy and her decisions, House actually has quite a lot of respect for her. He thinks (openly) she's a bad doctor, but he thinks she's a good boss. He doesn't often directly disobey her. Yes, he runs all over her rules and bickers and fights until he gets his way, but House doesn't usually… if Cuddy tells him no, point blank, no wiggle room, he tends to listen. I mean, he'll argue and get mad, but he doesn't hear "you can't do a biopsy" and then turn around and do a biopsy. (He'll… get Wilson involved, he'll tell Cuddy she's an idiot, he'll think of something malpractice-y to do to prove the biopsy is necessary, then berate Cuddy for not letting him when he first asked. But he won't ignore her and just do the biopsy.)

[all-pacas]

DIAGNOSTIC OLYMPICS, SEASON 2, EPISODES 10-18

S1: part one, part two, part three

S2: part one

Hi! I was curious about who on House (besides House) gets the most diagnoses right. Other folks have already run a tally (it's Chase), but I was curious how other factors would influence the tally — whose ideas get run with, who manages treatment, who screws up… So I thought I'd keep score.

1 point for getting the answer. This is almost always going to be House.

.5 points for Valuable Contribution — stuff that isn't the final answer, but either is thought to be the final answer or is valuable to the solving of the case. Stuff like "noticing something on the MRI" doesn't count; things like "figuring out how to treat" does.

-.5 to -1 for Mistakes — stuff that delays or prevents diagnoses, injuring or killing patients, etc.

FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE DIAGNOSES: Brain Malaria

+1 HOUSE: Honestly, should get more than one point: he solves the case by phone with no information. That’s more because this is a weird and pretty weak episode, though. +.5 CHASE: Although he was wrong in the end, he got an early win realizing the patient was on drugs, and suggesting a lumbar puncture that only later (on House’s order) was done. That’s two good ideas in a episode with very few ideas at all. +.5 CAMERON: Finally, finally realizes the patient only talks when his wife isn’t around. +0 FOREMAN: Comes up with basically no ideas, and continues to struggle with leadership. Chase and Cameron actively rebel and refuse his orders, and he doesn’t do much to prove himself. +0 TEAM: The Fellows do a pretty terrible job all episode, missing the obvious and running all over the place. But the episode also really isn’t about the case, so whatever. Honestly, wanted to give out no merits this episode at all.

NEED TO KNOW DIAGNOSES: Just so many things. But mostly a tumor.

+1 HOUSE: Another episode where the team is mostly running around chasing symptoms, House figures out the last piece of the puzzle (that the patient was on birth control) at the last second. +5 CUDDY: Her exasperated Stacy impression is, actually, very good.

DISTRACTIONS DIAGNOSES: Anti-depressant poisoning

+1 HOUSE: A not-so complicated case where the main problem was just testing the kid and getting information. House stumbled onto the correct solution, almost killed the patient anyway, and then figured it out for real. +.5 FOREMAN: Now that he’s no longer in charge, he’s suddenly doing much better, suggesting smart ideas and tending the patient. His merit is specifically for doing a very dangerous lumbar puncture successfully.

SKIN DEEP DIAGNOSES: Testicular cancer

+1 HOUSE: Cracks the case, despite the Heightened Pain and all his sleazy comments. As ever, we don’t judge on words, only actions. +1 CUDDY: Not only refuses to misgender the patient and calls House out on it, she manages to completely pull one over on him with her morphine trick. Love to see it. +0 FOREMAN: He makes a big to-do about House rushing things and being wrong due to his pain and haste, but every call House makes this episode is completely right, so probably would have been better saved for another episode. -.5 CAMERON: Early in the episode, she and Chase are told to do an LP and an MRI. The patient has a twitch, so Cameron decides not to bother with the MRI at all. Oops! Now, later in the episode Wilson also did an MRI and didn’t find anything, but at the end of the episode, House did find the cancer during a third scan. In between, the patient got a brain biopsy. Giving Cameron the demerit because if she had done the MRI in the first place, it might have been found sooner, sparing the danger of a brain biopsy.

SEX KILLS DIAGNOSES: Cheese bacteria; STDs

+1 HOUSE: Figures out patient #1 is Cheese Sick pretty quickly — literally, only about fifteen minutes into the episode. +1 TEAM: Most of the episode is spent keeping patient 1 alive and getting patient 2 healthy enough to donate her heart. She turns out to have an STD, but no one person really “solves” the case. +5 MR. NEUBURGER: The episode is intentionally full of very sympathetic characters, but I liked him. I loved how he sort of inserted himself into the case and kept following House around, I liked House being more sympathetic than usual and letting him insert himself into all the DDX’s, it’s just a weirdly cozy episode.

CLUELESS DIAGNOSES: Gold poisoning

+1 HOUSE: Lands on heavy metal toxicity early, but they can’t figure out what metal for much of the episode. He then has a second eureka moment and realizes gold. +.5 FOREMAN: Becomes convinced it’s lupus. It isn’t, but when House continues to insist on heavy metal toxicity despite test results, Foreman not only stands up to him but wins, proceeding with the lupus treatment because House can’t come up with proof that isn’t “because I say so.” Foreman was wrong, but this might be the first time any of the fellows successfully stand up to House like this and get their way.

SAFE DIAGNOSES: Tick bite

+1 FOREMAN: When the patient’s heart starts failing, House wants to come up with a fancy reason the allergy would call it, but has no ideas. Foreman, for the second episode in a row, pushes back and gets his way: to investigate the heart failure rather than start guessing. He then takes charge of the team and whiteboard as House sits quietly, and more or less runs the rest of the case. House even admits he’s right! +1 WILSON: Able to come up with an excuse to get the patient in an elevator with House on the fly. It’s always great to see his lying skills in action. +.5 HOUSE: Realizes the tick bite after he finally talks to the patient, and then is able to find it through, uh, invasive means. +.5 CAMERON: First one to guess tick paralysis, although it’s quickly shot down because at the time they’re no longer thinking allergy. +.5 CHASE: Suggests botulism, which is a long shot but becomes House’s running theory. Also figures out that the patient’s boyfriend has been sneaking in to see her, and is the one to realize they never actually talked to her. The second they do, it clears everything up. No big revelations from Chase, but three little ones makes half a merit fair.

ALL IN DIAGNOSES: Erdheim-Chester

+1 HOUSE: Goes in thinking it’s Erdheim-Chester, and it is; the test just gives a false negative. The rest of the episode is spent throwing things at the wall until he finally is able to prove it. +.5 CHASE: Despite starting the episode whining and skeptical, he gets points for his first guess once he is committed: House compliments it and calls it not just good but exactly what he did with Esther. It’s wrong, but points for a literal House-level theory.

SLEEPING DOGS LIE DIAGNOSES: Bubonic Plague

+1 HOUSE: Everyone is running around with no good guesses, and get distracted by the liver failure, but House pulls it out in the end. +0 CAMERON: While she complains and gets bogged down by the ethics of toxic lesbianism, and is certainly not winning points for bedside manner, she doesn’t let her distaste screw her up. Character development! +0 CAMERON AND FOREMAN: Foreman didn’t actually “steal” Cameron’s article, but he was a huge asshole about it all the same. They both lose points somewhere, but not here for this. +500 TOXIC LESBIANS: I think about these women every single day. This episode is simply incredible and one of the writers clearly has had some Experiences and I salute her for them

RUNNING TALLY:

HOUSE: 32 (+8.5) TEAM: 5.5 (+1) FOREMAN: 3 (+2) CHASE: 3.5 (+1.5) CAMERON: 3.5 (+.5)

Foreman is finally catching up, ironically only after he lost his temporary leadership role. I guess you could say that the experience gave him confidence — his points are mainly for standing up to House and taking charge.

[all-pacas]

DIAGNOSTIC OLYMPICS, SEASON 2, EPISODES 1-9

S1: part one, part two, part three

Hi! I was curious about who on House (besides House) gets the most diagnoses right. Other folks have already run a tally (it's Chase), but I was curious how other factors would influence the tally — whose ideas get run with, who manages treatment, who screws up… So I thought I'd keep score.

1 point for getting the answer. This is almost always going to be House.

.5 points for Valuable Contribution — stuff that isn't the final answer, but either is thought to be the final answer or is valuable to the solving of the case. Stuff like "noticing something on the MRI" doesn't count; things like "figuring out how to treat" does.

-.5 to -1 for Mistakes — stuff that delays or prevents diagnoses, injuring or killing patients, etc.

ACCEPTANCE DIAGNOSES: Adrenaline tumor

+1 House: The only one who cares about the case, and the only one to do anything to solve it. -.5 Foreman: The patient crashes and he… stands there watching. “We don’t know what’s wrong with him, it’ll just buy him a few hours!” We’re not here to discuss the ethics of treating murderers (that’s for S6); that’s just bad doctoring. -1 Cameron: I can justify delaying telling her patient the cancer diagnoses (although it’s still not great), but the point that Cameron had it 100% confirmed and was shown just chatting and laughing with her new best friend instead of telling her? That’s negligence. By withholding information, Cameron is delaying treatment. She also refuses to help treat the main patient.

AUTOPSY DIAGNOSES: Blood clot

+1 House: While he doesn’t entirely get the diagnostic credit, he very much gets the credit for figuring out how to find and treat the clot. +.5 Team: Everyone kind of lands on “clot” at the same time. +.5 Cameron: Is able to hear the patient has an extra flap in her heart. This impresses House, and gets her the point. +.5 Foreman: Spots the clot when no one else does. +100 CHASE STOP IT: Went back and forth a lot about Chase kissing the patient, and decided finally he doesn’t get a demerit, because the criteria is actions that affect the case and diagnoses and medicine. Being manipulated by a 9 year old is a bad look, but it ended up having no effect on anything but Chase’s spine and conscience. Compared to Cameron’s demerit last episode: her having a fit about Death Row Guy wasn’t a problem (Foreman and Chase did too), it was her refusal to do anything for him that was. Foreman being mean about Rabies Lady last season was an issue not because it wasn’t nice, but because it led to him dismissing her symptoms and affected her treatment. Luckily for Chase’s points if not his ethics, kissing the 9-year-old after she manipulated him because he has a spine made of jello didn’t harm her.

HUMPTY DUMPTY DIAGNOSES: Chicken Disease

+.5 House: Another episode where I would argue his methods fail him. If he had followed up when he heard the brothers arguing about the patient’s job, or revealed he understood Spanish sooner, or interacted with the patients at all, then things might have been solved quicker. He still got there in the end, but his refusal to engage meant it took longer. +0 Cuddy: Her guilty insistence that this was all her fault was sympathetic, but did slow things down. Luckily, it had no real effect on the case: the patient had a reaction to meds she put him on, but it’s not clear House wouldn’t have done that anyway. +5 SHIP TEASE: This episode really seems to launch the House/Cuddy ship, between everyone’s insistence that they must have slept together in the past (something not established until much later), and House actually being sincere and nice to her in the end of the episode.

TB OR NOT TB DIAGNOSES: Pancreas Tumor (and TB)

+1 HOUSE: As usual, he figures it out. +.5 CAMERON: Goes against House’s orders and tests for TB, which the patient is unsurprisingly positive for. She doesn’t get points for that per se, but rather for smartly pointing out they have to rule out which of his symptoms are from the TB and which aren’t, which House agrees with. +.5 CHASE: Notices a small issue with his heart, which forms the main diagnoses theory most of the episode.

DADDY’S BOY DIAGNOSES: Radiation poisoning leading to tumors

+1 HOUSE: Another episode where they have no strong leads and are just chasing symptoms until the last second. +50 for Wilson’s terrible handwriting

SPIN DIAGNOSES: Pure Red Cell Aplasia

+1 HOUSE: Technically, Wilson first discovers the PRCA, but everyone assumes it’s a symptom, not the cause. +0 CAMERON: Spends the episode whining and complaining about the patient being an immoral cheater, but doesn’t let it interfere with her job. She’s learning! CHASE DID IT: First time the assumption for a patient worsening is “Chase messed up,” and it will not be the last!

HUNTING DIAGNOSES: Fox Parasites

+1 HOUSE: We’re really moving away from episodes that are strictly puzzles, which means House gets the win without much else to say. +1 ROWAN CHASE: He co-authored a paper on berylliosis that Chase read and connects to the case. House likes the theory, even if it doesn’t pan out. Roundabout, this is yet another example of Chase being weirdly up-to-date on old fashioned tech and illnesses. Does his dad just write a lot of papers? +0 CAMERON AND CHASE: I mean, we’re not judging on morals, just medicine, but stealing drugs and jumping a coworker/getting jumped by a high coworker and just going with it are definitely losing them both points somewhere. +50 RAT POINTS for Steve McQueen!

THE MISTAKE DIAGNOSES: Like eighteen things spiraling out of missed ulcers.

+0 TEAM: No real diagnosing in this episode; it’s all about Chase’s, well, mistake. -1 CHASE: Sorry, buddy. He had understandable reasons, his dad sucks, but he still killed a patient. On the plus side (or maybe making him feel worse), he genuinely had good rapport with her and her family and did a lot to help and support them. On the other hand: he killed a patient! No coming back from that!

DECEPTION DIAGNOSES: Munchausen’s, but also a bacterial infection.

+1 CAMERON: First correctly “diagnoses” Cushing’s, which the patient had faked the year before, so she wasn’t wrong exactly. Then realizes it’s munchausen’s and proves it handily. Good job Cameron! +.5 HOUSE: Giving him a few demerits this episode. On the one hand: He alone believes the patient is actually sick, and does whatever he can to prove it. On the other hand, he dismisses symptoms and the munchausen’s diagnosis even after it’s fairly obvious, doesn’t take a real history or do the tests asked of him… yes, he’s being an ass intentionally because he doesn’t like Foreman in charge, but he’s still fucking around with patient care. +0 FOREMAN: Once again hates the poor, and decides based on no evidence that the patient is an alcoholic. Even once they think she has a tumor on her pancreas. His second shot at running a case, and it’s still iffy: he’s enjoying being boss and not really thinking about medicine. NICE TOUCH: When House decides to make the patient sick for real, he uses colchicine — the gout medicine that was poisoning the kid all the way back in s1e3

RUNNING TALLY:

HOUSE: 23.5 TEAM: 4.5 FOREMAN: 1 CHASE: 2 CAMERON: 3

Cameron is, surprisingly, pulling ahead! Even with her demerits, she keeps having consistently solid ideas and has now twice come up with a diagnoses: in S1 putting the pieces together a moment before House, and in S2 realizing and proving munchausen's, even if it wasn't the "real" problem.