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siampie · 10 months ago

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Risk and Reward||Chapter 2: Fallin’ For You

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Numbers were exchanged but intimacy still scares you lightly. So, you and Matt decided to take things slow. Reader found herself slowly falling for Matt Murdock.

Warnings/tags: 18+ contains smut (not sure, don’t know how to write it but I’ll try), angst, fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, childhood trauma

A/N: The Reader’s hypersensitivity is written using my own experience. Also, the title not only reflect the Reader’s state of mind but also Matt’s. Although, we don’t get the story in his POV because mostly we follow Reader. But there will be some chapters in his POV. Pinky promise!

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Dividers by @cafekitsune

Song the title is referring to:

I’ve been spending all my time

Just thinking ‘bout you

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’ve been waiting all my life

And now I found you

I don’t know what to do

I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

“What do you mean?” Amelia asked as you walked to work together, the morning after.

Matt and you had talked some more that first night. He had bought you a drink to keep the conversation going. He even introduced you to his friends; Karen Page and Foggy Nelson. Although, you and Matt had exchanged numbers, you couldn’t bring yourself to say yes to a date, just yet. So, you suggested that you both be friends first. And Matt had agreed.

“I mean we both agreed to be friends for now.” You explained patiently.

“This is self-sabotage at its finest, you know that.” Amelia threw her hands in the air.

“Look, I just want to take it slow, okay?” You told her stopping on the sidewalk. “I’m sure Matt is very great in a relationship but—I might not be. At least, with us being friends, we can bound without having any pressure on our shoulders.”

“I hate you.”

You scoffed. “What for?”

“For sounding mature and reasonable.”

“There’s plenty where that came from.” You laced your arm with hers and resumed your walking. “I really don’t want to mess this up.”

“Yeah, I get it.” She sighed. “At least, you didn’t completely rule out dating.” You chuckled.

You were definitely attracted by him. And it seemed he was too. Although, you weren’t too sure about that. How could he be? Being friends first made sense to you. You were being cautious as always.

“Hey, guys!” You said as you sat down next to Matt at Josie’s.

He wore that giant smile of his, that you had grown fond of. He greeted you back, your name rolling off his tongue fondly. It had been almost a week since you had given him your phone number. The last few weeks before publishing were draining for you. You were a perfectionist, sometimes to your own detriment.

It was Friday night. Matt had called you earlier, just before you called it a day. He invited you to join him and his friends at Josie’s for a couple of drinks. You had agreed to it. Although, you were starting to think on your way to the bar that it wasn’t probably for the best. You felt deeply tired and overwhelmed.

Being overwhelmed in your case often led to high sensitivity to sounds. It usually became louder. Not so much louder but you were more aware of them. Such as that light over your head. It had been quiet most days. On that day, however, it became louder. You tried to ignore it. But it sounded like a fly buzzing around your head. A fly that you couldn’t swat away. And then at lunch, your own chewing was loud to your ears. You tried to chew as quietly as possible but to no avail. And you had felt self-conscious for a moment. It was probably loud for anyone around you too. You had figured that the stressful weeks, although you were used to them, had gotten to you finally.

Although, you blamed it on your hypersensitivity. You had inherited it from your father and your great-grandmother. Being a sponge for others’ emotions could be a challenge daily. It was a gift when it came to empathizing with others. When it came to understanding them and listening to them. Let them dump on you their anxieties, their anger, their fear. But it was also a curse because, at times, you didn’t know which feelings were yours and which were theirs. So, you had to distance yourself at times. And over the years, you had chosen a line of work where you dealt with people as little as possible.

As soon as you stepped in the bar, you knew it was definitely not a good idea to have agreed to this. The chatter that did not bother you a few nights before, were too loud today. You flinched at a man’s boisterous laugh by the bar. You considered turning away but Foggy had called your name with a large smile plastered on his face. So, you took a deep breath, slapped a smile on yours, and made your way towards them.

You sat in the empty seat, conveniently placed next to Matt. A beer was pushed into your hands. There was an additional person in the group tonight. Marci Stahl, Foggy’s girlfriend. You really tried to have a good time but really you were struggling. Every once in a while, you flinched and winced at bottles being slammed on tables or people just laughing. It was becoming unbearable and you found yourself on the verge of crying. You should have called it a night right there and then but you didn’t want to seem rude. So, you powered through.

Eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore. You felt like dropping on the ground and wailing. You could feel the tears burning on the corner of your eyes.

“Are you alright?” He asked you concerned lacing his voice.

“I think I’m gonna call it a night.” You told him quietly, ignoring the catch in your voice. “I feel—a little tired.”

“I’ll walk you home.” He said with his own charming smile. He pushed his chair back across the floor.

“You’re leaving already, buddy?” Foggy asked him from across the table.

You stood up abruptly. “He’s not leaving. I am.” And you turned to Matt. “And you should stay and enjoy the rest of your night. I’ll simply grab a cab. Don’t worry about me.”

“Come on, the night is still young. We haven’t gotten to the best part, yet.” Foggy tried to convinced.

In spite of yourself, you huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, and what’s that?”

“Dancing.” Matt chuckled beside you.

“When was the last time you hit the dancefloor, uh? Come with us, it’ll be fun. I promise.”

The dancefloor, the loud music, sounded like a nightmare right now. “Maybe next time.” You shook your head apologetically. “I’m just really tired tonight. But you guys have fun.”

“Let me walk you home.” Matt offered yet again.

“Matt—” It sounded like a whine. “I’ll grab a cab, I swear.”

“I insist. I invited you out, I’d like to make sure you get home safe.” He said, his lips were turned down in frown.

“Okay—” You relented. “I’m warning you, though. I won’t be good company. I’m tired.” Your lips turned into a pout. Matt snorted.

The sounds were drowned out as soon as the doors closed behind you. Matt’s hand found your arm. You were standing on the sidewalk and took a deep breath to collect yourself. His hand on your arm felt warm, despite the layers of clothes you were wearing. You focused on that feeling on your arm. A soothing heat. It was grounding you. Maybe you were imagining it. Maybe you couldn’t feel the warmth of his hand. But you didn’t care as long as it was helping you. You felt his hand squeeze your biceps gently as he stepped closer to you. He remained quiet so as not to disturb you, giving you time to collect yourself. As if he knew. How would he know?

“I’m sorry.” You said after a few minutes of you two walking in silence.

“For what?” Matt asked quietly.

“For taking you away from the others.” You simply answered. “You should be out enjoying your night instead of walking me home.”

“You are not taking me away from anyone.” He retorted softly. “I wanted to walk you home. Besides, I enjoy the company.” He smirked at you.

You scoffed, tiredly. “I don’t know how.” Silence fell over the both of you again.

“You’re feeling better?” Matt asked you suddenly and it gave you pause.

What should you answer to that? You did feel slightly better. His hand on your arm was somehow keeping you grounded. You kept on taking deep breaths. It was involuntary. You couldn’t help it even if you wanted to.

“Yes. A little.” You nodded. “I should have known better than to come out tonight.” You sighed again.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m used to it, you know. The stress that comes with the job. Making deadlines, dealing with authors and such. I thought I was handling it pretty well but—” You paused, your chest expanded as you let out another deep breath, “—I guess I didn’t pay enough attention. And my brain decided that amplifying the sounds would be fun, I suppose.”

“That explains why you were so quiet tonight.” Matt observed.

“Well, I’m usually quiet, you know.” You told him as you came to a stop. “It comes with being shy.” Your lips turned up at the corners when he huffed out a laugh. “This is my stop.” He let go of your arm. “I hope I didn’t make you take a detour to walk me home.”

“Not at all.” He reassured you with a warm smile, shoving his right hand in his pocket.

“Thanks for walking me home.” You gave him your own smile.

“It was my pleasure.” His smile widened.

You wanted to say more. You wanted to tell him that he helped in making you feel better. You were less irritated, less sensitive to the sounds surrounding you. You felt less overwhelmed. You wanted to thank him for that. But you thought it would be too much. So, you let it go.

“You let me know when you get home.” You said softly.

“Should I text you or—?” Matt frowned teasingly.

“Yes, please.” You rolled your eyes at him. “Otherwise, I would have to walk you home and that would defeat the purpose of walking me home.”

Matt laughed at your words. “I’ll let you know.” He promised.

“Thanks.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

“We usually go out on Fridays with Karen and Foggy. Sometimes, Marci stops by.” Matt said. “You are always welcome to come.”

“Yeah,” You nodded with a smile. “I would love to.”

"Great!" Matt grinned.

“Goodnight, Matthew.”

“Goodnight,”

You watched him leave. His cane tapped along the pavement. You fished out your key and took another deep breath before letting yourself into your building. It had felt nice to have someone walk you home. It had never happened before with anyone. It was truly the first time that anyone had gone out of their way, as a kind gesture. It had felt good. And it was all because of Matt Murdock.

“Matt?” You were walking back home from the hardware store. His brows scrunched up in confusion as he stopped on the sidewalk. You reached out to him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

His furrowed brows relaxed as a smile slipped onto his face. He had somehow recognized you in this crowd of people. Your name passed his lips fondly. “Hey.” You couldn’t help but notice that he looked dashing in his suit. And his smile got your heart racing as it always did.

“Hey.” You smiled as you stepped closer to him.

It was Wednesday. You had finished the last of your work before deadlines. And you were hoping to make it to Friday night at Josie’s with your new friends. And you were hoping that Matt would walk you home again. You had been looking forward to it the entire week-end and for the most part of the week.

“Where are you off to?” You asked him, burying your hands in your coat.

“Back to the office actually.” Matt pushed his glasses back on his face. “Just had a meeting with one of our clients. You?”

“Home.” You replied.

“No work for you today?” He asked you.

“Nah, I finished working on my current manuscripts.” You explained. “So, I decided to ask for some needed time off.”

“Wise decision.” Matt nodded.

“I’m a wise woman, Mr. Murdock.” You quipped back.

“You are, aren’t you?” Matt chuckled; your own lips turned up at the sound. You loved it. You loved making him laugh.

“So, since my schedule is clear, would you mind if I walk you back to your office?” You offered with a warm smile.

“I would like that very much.” Matt grinned widely. You offered him your arm and his hand found its rightful place. “Actually, could we—uh—could we make a quick stop by the coffee shop? I promised Karen, I’ll get some on the way back.”

“Your wish is my command, My Liege.” You gave a little bow.

Matt laughed, shaking his head. “Is it now?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the sound. “Yeah, could be.”

“I’ll make sure to get back to you on that.” You turned the corner on your right before crossing the streets. “So, where were you coming from before you bumped into me?”

“Hardware store.” You replied.

“Hardware store?”

“Yeah, see, I live in this flat that has not been properly maintained.” You started to explain. “And this morning while doing the dishes, the sink faucet broke. Shut all the water in my flat and then, went to the hardware store to get a new one.”

“Shouldn’t you be bringing this to your supervisor?”

“Did you miss the part I said it wasn’t properly maintained? Because I’m sure I mentioned that.” You squinted your eyes at him. “Also, it would have taken ages for them to do anything and I’m not very patient when it comes to that kind of things.”

“So, you decided to do it yourself.”

“Yeah, it goes faster.”

“Do you even know how to change it?”

“I’ve done it before.” You shrugged.

“You have?” He angled his face towards you.

“Yeah, I had to take care of my dad for a while. And since there’s certain things he couldn’t do anymore. I had to do them myself.” You continued. “Fixing a sink, the water heater, mowing the lawn, cutting down some trees, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…”

“You are a woman full of surprises,” Matt noted softly.

“And there’s more where that came from.”

You pushed open the door to the coffee shop. A woman on her phone came at you. Your hand went up to his left arm. And you pulled him closer to you, out of the woman’s way. The woman had not been fazed by it. It was as though she had not been aware of almost bumping into someone.

Matt cleared his throat and your eyes snapped up to his. “Sorry,” Your hands had moved to grip his waist. “A woman was going to knock you on your ass.” You said as way of an explanation.

“Thank you,” He stammered, letting out a chuckle.

“It’s alright.” You answered, suddenly conscious of Matt’s proximity.

His chest flushed against yours. You could feel his solid chest underneath his dress shirt. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips. Your heart started galloping in your ribcage. Your breath caught in your throat. Your eyes darted down to his lips. His own tongue wetted his lips. And tried as you may, you could not control the flow of heat that went straight to your core.

“We should, uh—coffee.” You stammered out. Your eyes snapped back to the red tinted glasses covering his eyes. “I mean we should go place our orders.”

He chuckled as you let go of his waist. “After you.” He said with a smile as his hand found your biceps once again.

As you waited in line, you tried to recover from this moment. You had been attracted by other men in your past. And you did feel lust for them. However, the more you learned about them, the less attracted you were to them. They either were chronicle liars. Or they took more than they gave. And for you that was a turn off.

Matt Murdock, however, had been nothing but genuine to you. He was kind. He was real. And you found yourself wanting more each time. It was unfair that he had so much effect on you. It didn’t seem you had that much effect on him.

“Special delivery of coffee and bagels for one Karen Page and Foggy Nelson, by yours truly.” You announced loudly as you stepped into their office. “And Matt Murdock.”

Karen greeted you with a giant smile on her face before taking her coffee cup from the tray. “Did someone mention bagels?” You heard Foggy said from one of the offices.

“They’re calling your name, Fog.” You confirmed, waving the bag in front of him, as he walked out.

A large smile split his face in two. “Bagels.” He grabbed the bag, opened it, and took a large sniff before turning his eyes back on you. “You’re officially my favorite now.”

“You’re welcome.” He reached for his coffee. And you leaned closer to Matt. “You were right, he does love his bagels.” His hand landed in the small of your back, as you slightly lost your balance.

“He would live off of that if he could.” Matt chuckled. And you snorted.

“Well, anyway, I’m not gonna hold any more of your time.” You clasped your hands together, ignoring as hard as you could, his hand on the small of your back. “I know you guys have work to do.”

“Don’t be a stranger,” Foggy told you. “Feel free to come back any day you want. You don’t have to but you will forever be my favorite if you come bearing gifts.”

“Of the food kind?”

“A woman after my heart.” Foggy put a hand to his chest.

“Any request, Karen?” You turned to the smiling blonde.

“Coffee. Lots of it.” She said raising her cup.

“Noted.” You scoffed.

“Hey,” Matt pulled you into the small kitchenette.

“Hey,” you said back, disappointed when his hand left your body.

“I was wondering—if you would like to grab some coffee with me, on Sunday?” Matt asked you.

“Don’t you have mass or something on Sundays?” You said back.

Karen and Foggy were both looking at you and Matt. Both of them exchanged amused glances.

“I don’t really go to those.” He told you, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Ah.” You nodded. “Just the two of us?”

“Yeah.” His lips twitched up at the corners. “It doesn’t have to be a date. Just two friends, going for coffee and catching up.”

“Two friends—catching up over a cup of coffee, uh?” Your tongue darted out to wet your lips. “I would like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You huffed out a laugh. “Sounds like a plan.”

“It’s not like he can see you” Amelia commented on the phone.

“Yeah, not helping.” You dryly told her. “It’s not a date and I don’t want to dress as though it was. But I also don’t want to dress too casually.”

“Okay, uhm, how about that yellow dress you bought last month?” She suggested.

“Well, it’s still chilly out there, you know.”

“So?” You could picture her shrugging on the other side of the line. “It’s long sleeved and there is such a thing as tights.”

You pulled out the dress and looked at it. You hadn’t worn it since you bought it. You were waiting for the perfect time. And maybe, this was it. The dress came with its own belt.

“Yeah, I think I can make it work.”

“Good.” Amelia retorted. “Now, is it really not a date?”

“He made it pretty clear.” You answered. “Plus, it’s what we both agreed to. Be friends first and see, where this is going, really.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

“Yeah, I am.” You nodded.

“You two are idiots.” She groaned and you snorted. “I mean, it’s like slapping you in the face. You two are made for each other. And you want to keep it friendly.”

You wheezed out a laugh. “First of all, I don’t know about us being made for each other. Second of all, yes, I want to keep it friendly. I want to be comfortable around him, alright?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Amelia let out a sigh, you could clearly picture her rolling her eyes.

You scoffed at the thought. “Look, I gotta go get ready. I’ll tell you how it went later, ‘kay?”

“You better.” She said warningly. “Go get your man, sister!”

“He’s not my man.”

“Yet.”

Breathing became harder as you neared the café. Your nerves were making your chest tight. Your chest expanded as you drew in a large gulp of air. You held it in a few seconds and breathed it out through your nose.

When the café finally came into view, you saw him. He was standing outside of the café, waiting for you. Your steps faltered before you came to a stop. Matt Murdock looked effortlessly dashing. No matter how he dressed. He had traded his tailored suit for a pair of jeans and a dark button-up shirt. You knew for certain this man was going to ruin you. His head tilted slightly to the side before his sightless gaze turned in your direction. Your breath hitched in your throat. And his lips turned up into a faint smirk. Did he know you were right there, staring? He couldn’t have known that. He couldn’t see you.

You shook yourself out of your daze, took another deep breath, and walked the rest of the way.

“Hello, Matthew!” You reached out to grasp his strong forearm.

His head tilted in your direction, a smile taking place on his face. His hand came up to cover yours on his forearm. His calloused and rough hand dwarfed yours. You let out a gasp at his touch. And your heart pounded like a jackhammer. Yes, it was official Matt Murdock would be the end of you.

“How are you?” He asked you.

“Good.” You exhaled. “I’m good. You?”

“I’m alright, thank you.” He nodded.

“Good.”

“You’re nervous?” He gave you a soft smile.

“A little.” You giggled nervously.

“You don’t have to be.” His thumb moved across the back of your hand, in a soothing motion. “I told you. We are just two friends, catching up over coffee.”

“Two friends catching up over coffee.” You repeated. You inhaled, held it, and exhaled. You smiled at him while placing his hand in the crook of your arm. “Shall we?”

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#daredevil x reader #matt murdock fluff #matt murdock angst #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock fic #matt murdock x you #matt murdock x fem!reader #matt murdock #Spotify

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dunktape · 6 months ago

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can you genuinely, i mean so genuinely not copy a creator who's already been through and is going through rough shit? i thought you were an alt of chocoperrito's, i saw you were "heavily inspired", same style and similar intro, this is plain disrespectful and cruel to do to an artist who's already stated they're not okay with that.

i hope you can find it in your heart to at least apologize to hym.

hey , saw this and genuinely wanted to address it as my intentions are genuinely not to copy anyone , let alone cause harm . summary is all the way down under the cut ( last paragraph )

first of all , i'm sorry to hear that reki isn't doing well . i hope hy'll get better soon , but i couldn't have known he wasn't in a well mental state because i don't want to and can't interact with hys blog . i've been blocked quite a while ago , just after the first post i made on this blog . what happened will stay private as requested , but ive apologised and as far as i know , we made up . hy doesn't want to interact with me and i respect his boundaries .

talking of boundaries , i did not know hy was uncomfortable with people getting inspired by his art style . it is true that i took inspiration from hym , but to be fair all i took inspiration from was the shape of fur . my colour theory was fully taught to me by ashenoranges , round shapes have been inspired by another artist who does not want to be named , the way i draw hands along with cartoon-ish ( and also the round shapes ) by an artist on tiktok whose name i forgot ( but did a lot of utau / fell art , something along the lines of pupbiteez ) and the eyes i've just always drawn that way because i adapted it from when i just started getting into animation memes , but i tend to add tearducts too ( which i've adapted from p0ny.world ) . also , i love the chalky way calciumdreams's and yokoneko's art looks which i'm trying to work on getting into my art . i also mentioned some other artists in a previous ask about my artstyle , those artists also provide me references for when i'm trying to draw animals that stand on all fours .

asked one of my friends if they had any art of reki saved , for comparison . i guess i can see the similarities ?

the thing is that i use several outlines and lots of rendering on top of it and use a shade between green and orange always - when reki uses one line-art layer , has highlights instead of shadows in the hair , usually a blue shade and overall has thinner line-art where parts between similar parts of clothing and / or fur gets coloured differently in line-art .

i'm not saying my and reki's styles do not look extremely similar or that he never said anything about not liking inspiration , but i did not copy ( or at least INTEND to copy ) hym , neither did i ( key word , i ) ever read he was uncomfortable with inspiration . if you would like to provide proof then i'd love to have you dm it to me /gen

my intro post had taken me quite a few months to come up with , going through a few things to get inspiration from . however , i can see why you think i copied him , especially with how i provided my links . asked a friend of mine to provide a screenshot of reki's blog to compare them after you sent this ask . to clarify - i actually got inspo for my graphic and the stars between links from a friend of mine , who used to make simple transparent background graphics and used the 𓈒 symbol in between links instead . since i'm a pretty big fan of stars , i used stars instead . went through tags to find introduction posts that i could take inspo from , which mostly used different colours , and since i usually use orange or green shades in my art ( since they're my favourite colours ) i thought i'd apply that to highlight parts i thought were important . just talked a bit about me , connected a link to my identity in case you want to get to know me better , provided a link to my toy house in case you wanted to see my characters , then talked a bit about asks because i barely really got any before . it looked a bit empty at that point , so i thought i'd largen up something , but doing that at the top of the post seemed like it went from big to small and i didn't like that . moved the links to the bottom , largened them up and that seemed pretty good . but now it was a bit empty on top of the page , so after messing around with the graphic i realised that maybe i should add something that would devide the graphic from the text - a divider . now everything looked tidy , while not being too little nor too much . a link to stuff that went more into detail ,, perfect right ? but ;

i can totally see why you think they look familiar : same colours , same link stuff , separate part about the inbox , divider between texts and images , but i don't have access to reki's blog so i wouldn't have known . even if i did before , i wouldn't have remembered that in the past 2 months where i was much more busy with other stuff than remembering what someone else's , who didn't want to interact with me , intropost looked like .

HOWEVER ! i do acknowledge that my EMOTE art looks incredibly - extremely , almost completely identical to hys . hand shapes , eye shapes , body shapes , even the yellow body and line-art , the SHADING - all of that . i guess that comes with having similar artstyles , then also worrying about whether or not your art looks ok . i actually asked a friend of mine what i could change about my art so other people would maybe like or use it more , and they said that i only ever use harsh - thick lines , so i should keep the line-art simple and try airbrushing stuff . this is basically what reki did , and so i did use one of hys emotes from a server i'm in as a reference - i really liked the result , and posted it not thinking about how familiar they looked despite literally having his emotes and mine side by side for comparison .

they're extremely similar , especially the little closed eyes and blush . they both have that little red eyelid bit above their eyes and shaded cheeks + hands . i admit this is my fault for not having realised earlier how i basically copied hys style , and i'll try to make it more into my own style next time . i'm unsure of how to yet , but i'll figure something out .

also , besides all that , i'm not really copying his appearances , sonas , other stuff hy might have made . the yellow guy is pretty popular after all since it doesn't have an actual appearance or anything that would relate to identity and can be interpreted as anyone . sure , there's blogs like k9emotes who make white sillies instead of yellow , but i prefer using yellow and i'm also going to use these emotes . not saying i won't change how i'll draw them , this is just a reason , but that's why my and hys emotes look so similar — they're exactly what i and my friends would like emotes to look like if we're going to use them frequently .

all of this is not an excuse but simply an explanation so i hope everything is more clear . as stupid as it may sound , the intro post was truly a coincidence . my art looks similar to hys ( but not that much ) because he was an inspiration , but not my only inspiration and definitely not my biggest but the hair / fur is something i do use the most . i deeply apologise for any harm i have done and crossing unknown boundaries , but i'm afraid i can't directly apologise to reki as he doesn't want to interact with me , boundaries are boundaries .

long story short — yes i got inspired by the fur , the intro post was purely coincidental , unconsciously took too much inspo from emotes , i apologise for what i did but can't apologise directly bc im blocked .

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its-a-me-mango · 4 months ago

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BLOG Q&A

Is this blog just for SMG4 content?

Yes! This blog is just for SMG4 content! None of my other work will be on this blog, nor will any non SMG4 related reblogs be on here, this is my gay little SMG4 corner of the internet! I may sometimes talk about other things on here, such as other interests and crossovers and stuff like that, but the main focus of this blog is SMG4! I may also sometimes post about Mario in general (as I am just a big fan of Mario) but it’ll always be in an SMG4 context.

Is your blog SFW?

Yes! My blog is SFW! I try to keep my blog as 13+ as possible as I know there’s a lot of teens in this fandom and the last thing I want is for anyone to get uncomfortable with my blog. I may occasionally make jokes or references to more mature content, however I will tag these things as “Suggestive” if needed, please be sure to filter this tag if you’re not comfortable with seeing them. I will never explicitly post anything NSFW on this blog, I am just a 25 year old who still thinks sex jokes are funny.

With that in mind, I do not censor myself, I don't put symbols in words or use words that sound like what I'm saying, you don't need to do that on Tumblr and it can actually be harmful to people who do need those words filtered! I will say cunt, I will say sex, I will say porn, I won't censor myself to try and get around someone's filters at all, so please keep that in mind also.

Why do you take so long to respond to asks/messages/posts?

ADHD. I got no better answer for this, it’s all to do with energy for me and wherever my motivation is! I like to space things out on my blog whenever possible so that can sometimes lead me to have things sit around for a while with no response. I also like to respond with art wherever possible so that also can take a while. I can assure you if I am active and posting, I have seen your ask/message/post, please be patient with me when it comes to responding!

Why have you not responded to my ask/message/post?

Oh this is easy, it’s because of one of 2 things:

ADHD, again. I’m just taking my sweet ass time with responding! As mentioned before I sometimes respond with art (mainly for suggestions) so that can sometimes take me a while to get around to!

I don’t know how to respond, I do try my best but sometimes I have nothing good to respond with, so I just don’t! I’m not a very social person either and I kinda suck at having conversations so there’s that to consider as well.

I do read/see everything that is sent in to me and I do genuinely appreciate people's interest in me and my work, please do not take it personally if I do not respond to you! You are always welcome to send me more asks/messages/posts even if I have not responded to your previous one, there’s no limit on how much can be sent to me and I love seeing recurring profiles pop up with new stuff for me!

Can people tag you in posts?

Yes you can! I cannot guarantee that I'll respond/reblog every post that I'm tagged in but I do not mind being tagged (as long as its not excessive lol). I'm very hesitant to tag people myself unless I have something for them, so much like before, don't take it personally if I don't respond to posts I'm tagged in, I'm just shyyyyy.

Why do you not follow/message people?

I am on a side blog, this is my side blog, I cannot follow or like from a side blog and I don't want to interact from my main as of right now, I don’t care if people stumble upon it I just don’t want to link it to this blog right now. It’s the same reason why I don’t like people's posts either, trust me I wish I could, but I don’t want to make a whole new Tumblr account. I am perfectly happy running things like this, even if it means I can’t interact as much as I'd like to.

How active are you here?

I check this blog every day at least, and I like to reblog/post as much as I can. As stated I have ADHD so my interests can change around and fluctuate whenever, but I do at least aim to be here once a day. If I ever go quiet for any reason, I can still be contacted easily so don’t worry about sending in anything at any point! I’ll usually say if I’m going away at all but again, ADHD, so if I go on an unscheduled hiatus, it’s just me fixating on something else, don’t be afraid to message or interact with this blog if it goes quiet, the notification will probably bring me back anyway lol.

Are you on any other platforms?

I am not on any other platforms except Tumblr and Twitter!

I am on DA under my main account's name where I sometimes upload my SMG4 pieces there but that is it, I have a YouTube which has nothing on it (I’ve made like one comment from it lol). I will announce here if I'm on a different platform, I am not on discord under this username and I do not willingly give it out to people.

You said something that was not so great/problematic!

Please tell me! It is never my intention to offend or upset anyone so anything of that nature is 100% by mistake, you are welcome and encouraged to reach out to me and tell me if I make a mistake like that, I will not be upset or angry! This includes telling me about people I interact with that go against my DNI, I cannot check everyone I interact with so I appreciate any heads up on that too! I’m unlikely to answer or post about it unless it feels necessary to do so, but I will read and act accordingly to any concerns people have!

You do know DNI banners don’t really work right?

I know, I cannot stop TERF’s, Proshippers, Zionists or any other scumbag from looking at my blog, the most I can do is block anyone who sets off any immediate red flags to me and move on. I do not have the time nor patients to crawl through every single follower of mine to see if they fit my DNI criteria, I will usually ignore most people who give me the ick unless they insist on interacting with me. My DNI is mainly just to state where I personally stand and to let others know I don’t associate with those groups of people.

#THESE ARE FOR MY Q&A OKAAAAYYY :3

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thelanor-s-astame · 1 year ago

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Episode 1 Behind The Scenes!

youtube

Welcome to Amateur Hour! I mean this whole series is amateur hour, but stating out was REALLY amateur hour. So most of the way our videos worked is we would do a weekly video (Either podcast or Over The Shoulder game review). And I’d release a Funny Joke Video every two weeks. I was given Carte Blanch over my videos and basically just kinda did them on my own. So everything I did was suuuper rudimentary My scripts weren’t formated very well, there were tons of spelling errors, stuff I’d cut out I’d leave in the document and just remember I cut it out. But all this worked just fine because I was the only one looking at them.

And the way I’d send people their lines was I would *send* people their lines over discord and have them send me back an audio file that they’d recorded. I didn’t even really do any audio directing aside from a couple of notes. I might have directed Dalsson and TheDragonLover (heretofore referred to as Dergo), but that was it.

For anyone who might want to make a narrative series, uh… don’t do this with your main cast. If you have a guest star who knows what their doing and might not be comfortable being directed in a discord call with a stranger, that’s fine. But for everyone else you’ll just end up playing phone tag for a a couple of VA lines that won’t be nearly as good if you just set the people down in a call and told them what kinda performance you want them to give. A thing that, And I cannot stress this enough, they will be fine with you doing and in fact would much prefer this to the alternative.

And if you sit multiple people down in the call and do their voice lines in one day, that’s just way better! Your actors will be more comfortable with more friends around, and after the session is over, you have multiple scenes worth of voice lines to work with! It’s one of those “We do this thing like this for a reason.” kinda deals.

But ultimately a lot of the What Worked for those videos I’d put out every two weeks, and the video essays, did not really work here. But anyway lets look at the actual video.

The like first scene you can see how the cutting around is really off. That’s because the footage of me just standing there lasted, like, 3 seconds and I had a minute of dialogue, so I HAD to keep cutting if I wanted to use that footage. I should have just started a new save and rerecorded it but… again amateur hour.

But. The first joke here I think is really good. I have a lot of thoughts about it, so I’m going to make it a separate thread. There’s quite a bit going on there and I’m really proud of it.

But the beginning of the video, and the beginning of the series as a whole, is just kinda me moving from bit to bit like I did in the previous Joke Videos. These started out as those with a tiny bit more structure.

The Conversation with Elderbug here is what got Lordfrezon to get a better mic. Like this video convinced the man to get a better microphone. But you’ll notice Elderbugs mouth keeps moving when he’s not taking. I didn’t start putting a still picture over the talking characters yet

The quirrel scene is probably the best put together in the entire video. The editing is sharp. and I realized I could like, just reverse the video of him looking at the Black Egg to make it a little more dynamic.

But most of the dynamic-ness of these scenes comes down to me zooming in and out of characters faces for emphasis. The footage I’m working with is a character with a one second animation loop and another character staring up at them. So I gotta do a lot of cuts and zooms to make it look like a conversation with multiple emotions in it is happening. And I already had a pretty good grasp of that thanks to the joke videos! Say what you will about youtube video editing, but it sure teaches you how powerful quick cutting for emphasis is!

This was also before I started putting Reverb on every scene that takes place in a tunnel… which most of them do, and if there’s one thing I love, love, love playing with, it’s reverb. Sound design is my passion tbh. It is also the only thing I have any formal training in! I was taught it by a bunch of 80s rockers who showed me how to use an old analog soundboard for live mixing! And I’ve always held to the idea that 75% of video editing is sound editing, and 95% of that sound editing is shit no one would notice unless it wasn’t there.

There a little after the Quirrel scene I got *extremely lucky* and found a sign mender. Which is a really rare event. Just immediately out of the gate I see that man. I’d never seen him before I was getting footage for the video and he blessed me with his presence like an angel. Thank you Sign Mender! You gave me a great bit about property destruction!

The Cornifer scene is firstly, a great look into how a voice role evolves over time, and secondly, a great exemplification of what I started this with. Just Direct Your VA’s. You’ll notice how Saine’s performance on his first line here are worse than any of the other ones he’s given. He didn’t know what I wanted. And if I would have simply directed him, that wouldn’t be a problem!

He did, however get to delever the funniest lines of the video. And he did a great job with those! And, another thing to Saine’s credit is he does a fantastic job as Iselda! Man eats up that whole scene! Just great shit there!

Sly’s change is less in that the voice evolved as time went on and more I changed the character. I focused more on the Shopkeeper aspect rather than the teacher aspect as his Central Thing, and ultimately I think that was the best choice. Surly Shopkeeper who can “Show You Da Ropes” Is always a great character and he’s a lot of fun to write. Also all the thing’s Sly says about ‘God’ put me in a bit of a bind because “Okay, so why the hell does this guy know about The Radiance… a thing that a lot of people were lied to about for decades?” So I had to come up with some stuff for that. But that’s the kind of problem I love solving. Because it goes from “Weird plot hole” to “Ooh new character aspect! let’s give this man some depth!

Dergo’s performance as Myla is the best one in the video. And it’s great that’s the case too, because of how much *that* kicks off a lot of the story. But, yeah 10/10 no notes. Dergo is incredibly good at this shit.

The end bit with the snail man is probably my biggest regret of the video. It very much does not fit in with the tone of everything else. It’s kinda something that just happens in the first episode and I hope everyone forgets about. The implication he just murdered the snail guy is funny but it doesn’t fit in the wider whole. Whole scene just is not very good tbh. I also probably should have had someone else voice the Snail man as well.

And I wholeass forgot I used a different font for the credits! But I think that’s that for the first episode. IT’s kind of just a collection of thoughts, but the episode is just kind of a collection of scenes so, there we go!

#HKR-BTS #hollow knight meme #hollow knight #quirrel #content creation #youtube #Youtube

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orchideae · 10 months ago

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#Orchideae. This is a rather canon-strict depiction of Yelan, from Hoyoverse's Genshin Impact, rather passionately run by Sae (30+), and established in September of 2023.

I'm an absolute Liyue fanatic and tag rambler, who does the occasional resource post because old habits die hard (does 'iniziare' ring a bell?) But to sum me up in brief: I'm an intense deep-diver of lore, and I haven't loved something as intensely as Genshin in a long time. This blog will thread only with mutuals, but my inbox is always open for inquiries or curiosities from anyone. Aside from all of that, I also have blogs for Kafka, Guizhong, and Seele, even if they're presently inactive.

It's late. The residents sleep peacefully behind closed doors, listening to the pitter-patter of the heavy rain. Those fond of traveling at such times are either ill-intentioned, or secretly pursuing the former. It doesn't matter who wins or loses. The rain will wash away all traces either way. When the dawn breaks and the sky clears, the mysterious guest would have been gone already, without a soul noticing.

Rules (below the read more) / Meta: mini / Meta: not-so-mini / Threads

Writer/Disclaimer. Hey, hi! I’m Sae, I’m kind of in my early to mid thirties, and I’m currently located in France. While I’m in the GMT+1 timezone, my schedule allows me to sometimes be around at rather odd hours for most Europeans, so if you see me throwing you a like in the middle of the nigh, it’s our little secret.

Furthermore (and most importantly so), I bear no affiliation with the company of Hoyoverse, the game of Genshin Impact, the character of Yelan or anything related. Any and all written and visual (excluding reblogs) material found on this blog however are, unless stated or referenced otherwise, entirely my own.

A practice of the ‘one verse’ concept. This might seem a little confusing, so let me try to make this as clear as I can. As I settle into my interactions, I will try to fit most, if not all, of my threads within the same ‘verse’. There will of course be exceptions to this, including (but not limited to) conflicting/duplicate dynamics. The primary reason why I do this and have always enjoyed doing so, is that I love to be able to reference events that occur in threads, in others. This feels like I'm writing a more complete story that involves more characters across the board. This also allows, if people wanted, for others who interact with each other to do the same with my portrayal of Yelan. But if you’d prefer I don’t include you in this, simply say so!

Shipping / ‘Single romantic shipping’. This plays into the previous point, but I need to preface it just a little bit. While this is just my personal opinion of her, I don’t particularly see Yelan as someone who is made for romantic relationships in any cases except one. I feel this way because of her line of work (and her likely inevitable fate), but more importantly so, the reason that draws her to take on the work that she does. After the loss of her team, she told Ningguang the following: “We both made a mistake: We shouldn’t have involved ordinary folk in what we do.” This shows that Yelan shoulders a burden that she believes others couldn’t and/or should never bear because of the fate that is tied to it. For Yelan, this speaks of such an inherent loneliness that she has chosen in her life and is okay with, which is presumably because it’s deeply-rooted in her due to the fate of her team, and the influence of her ancestors. But this decision makes her rather incompatible with most individuals, for she will, honestly, never give up what she does while she lives. In my opinion, this leaves the only people (for romantic long-term investments), ones who have or know a similar life to her. It’s not filling loneliness with someone else, it’s finding the same loneliness in another by happenstance, for they understand this incomprehensible thing.

With that in mind, my verse(s) will all inevitably work towards a ship with delusionaid’s Wriothesley. This is exclusive to her portrayal and will not be written with another.

An important tidbit however: Based on how exemplary care she takes of herself physically, denying herself of simple pleasures such as sweets (usually) because they can too easily create an addiction and ‘disrupt focus’, I continue this across the board. The human body has its inevitable cravings, and so I do believe she indulges in physical encounters to relieve herself of this. I do not see these as ships, and they take place before and in the early phases of her slow-forming relationship with Wriothesley. Some examples of contenders for this? Kaeya, and Beidou— and no, Ningguang is and would never be included in this lineup. But never fret, this is simply a personal headcanon of mine and will never be forced on you if you write any of these characters.

Social Politics. Alright, I need to note a couple of very important tidbits about this topic. Simply put, I’m here to write, I don’t get involved in social politics of any kind, this includes (but is not limited to): call-out and cancel culture, white knighting in the eyes of anon hate, ship wars, gatekeeping, and real life politics. This blog will venture into mature and sometimes debatable themes, and if you’re unsure whether that’s up your alley, you’re free to unfollow me at any given time. There is no ill will! I’m incredibly big on respect, and I happily offer it to you in the same capacity as you offer it to me. Disagreement does not mean a default of disrespect, after all.

#[ psa. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors.

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catchingbigfish · 1 year ago

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writer q&a tag game

thank you for the tag, @words-after-midnight!! reading your answers after beta reading libaw is wild, i understand so much now lmao

i'm going to leave this as an open tag for anyone who wants to join!!

1. What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you've ever had?

so it goes, for sure.

2. Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

this is a weird answer, but an undergrad professor asked if a short story i turned in was the first chapter to a novel. it wasn't, and i tried for years to turn it into one, but he was wrong the whole time -- it was definitely not meant to be a novel. i think about that now because it reminds me that sometimes a story is meant to be a story, or a novel is meant to be a novel, and i don't have to try to shoehorn a story into an inappropriate format. (i have to keep re-learning this lesson, btw. i recently tried *again* to make that thing a novel.)

3. What is your favorite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

i absolutely love the way writing is an exorcism for me. even my found footage inspired short story helped me excavate and get rid of certain feelings, but on its surface it just seems like a fun horror movie treatment. my favorite part of the process is the language -- i love words and i love rearranging them until they sing off the page. i also find it so much easier to communicate in writing and love how it gives me the chance to connect with people.

the most difficult part of writing for me is not getting lost playing around in the story i've created. keeping a plot moving at a steady pace is my biggest difficulty. i still enjoy the challenge, but if i could just ghostwrite for people with better plots, i might consider it! also, what nico said about the state of publishing is why i stopped writing after college for such a long stretch.

4. What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

it's like scratching an itch for me, honestly. i don't know why i need to write, but i've done it since i was a kid, and it's always been there with me.

5. What is the best piece of advice you've ever read or been given as a writer?

my url is a reference to Catching the Big Fish by David Lynch, my favorite filmmaker. he talks about creativity in it, and full disclosure he is *heavily* into the transcendental meditation cult and credits that as his biggest source of creativity, buuuut what it really did for me was remind me that our imaginations are infinite and incredibly powerful at what it does.

6. What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

along the same theme as my previous answers: i wish i knew my imagination was enough and i don't have to compare my ideas to others', and that i can trust my own intuition about a story. (repeat after me: elle, that story is a short story, not a fucking novel)

7. What is your favorite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can!

answering so it goes feels like cheating because i don't feel like it's actually complete, but my backup answer is a poem.

8. What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

i really like this line from the very first draft of so it goes: "She made her way back out to the street where the sun hadn’t risen and nothing had changed at all."

9. Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

right now, Rosalyn from conversion is my most interesting character because of this. Rosalyn -- and the rest of the primary characters -- use feminist theory to justify what is essentially health fraud and dangerous alternative medicine beliefs. i don't agree with them, but i fully understand how they got to this perspective, which is why i'm so interested in the topic and am writing it in the first place!

10. If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think?

i don't mean to brag, but my younger self would think my current self rocks so fucking hard lol. to be fair, i had a *very* limited idea of what life could be like, so having cleared that bar she set wouldn't be a challenge to most people! the fact that i still write would be enough for them to fawn over me, i think.

#tag games #ty for tag!#open tag #about elle

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berkinix · 2 years ago

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#and if federal assistance was accepted then it would be harder to hold private companies accountable

Okay, hold up. Can someone please explain this? Not asking sarcastically; I legitimately am curious. I tried looking up articles online and couldn't find anything that backs up this claim. So, please, if anyone who reads this knows about this subject, enlighten me.

Because if this is referring to how the EPA operates, this is what I know:

The EPA seeks out the responsible party (or parties) for the disaster and holds them accountable for the costs.

If the responsible party does not want to cooperate, the EPA and the National Response System foot the bill while the emergency is dealt with.

They (should, that's a key word) take the responsible party to court and try to force them to comply, or at least place charges on them.

If they simply can't get them to pay, there are funds that Congress has set up to offset the cost of such disasters.

Each state has similar funds, which varies from state to state.

Yes, those are funded by our tax dollars.

So, if a state were to refuse federal aid, and the liable corporation doesn't want to pay, or doesn't want to pay the entire cost of cleanup, the state would foot the bill. Because someone's got to pay for the cleanup effort. As much as I would love to believe in the altruism of the human spirit, nothing gets handled in these disasters through volunteer work alone. You need money to move things along in a timely manner.

Now, who's more likely to place charges and follow up on them during a disaster like this one? The federal government (which, although corrupt and/or weakened/toothless by previous administrations, as all eyes on them right now and has the public pressure to handle this right), or the state government who is headed by a politician who received campaign donations from said corporation?

Please also consider: let's say the state does strike a deal with the corporation that will benefit both: make the corporation pay for the cleanup in full, and your fines won't be so bad. Make them look like the caring hero, doing all they can for the community and the environment they just ruined. (The BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico comes to mind.) The state, in turn, looks stalwart and resilient in the face of the disaster. Look at how they stand up to the oppressive feds! And they handled everything fine on their own!

Okay, so the company was held "liable" and paid for the cleanup. Well, that was punishment enough, right? Now you're going to fine them on top of that‽ (I mean, damn right, you should!) But a nice PR campaign, some more money pumped into the right politicians' coffers, and you're all set.

We need accountability for these assholes. Again, I don't understand the original statement in the tags. And I want to know! Because our system is way more fucked up than I thought if that statement is true. So, someone, please, educate me.

Every Republican decision was dumb. They assume catastrophes don't happen, then make sure they do.

#palestine ohio #ohio derailment #ohio disaster #EPA #norfolk southern #dewine #pete buttigieg

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apatheticlexicographer · 2 years ago

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okay, unless any other roaches feel like crawling out from where they're nesting in our tag's ventillation, i'd like for this to be my last direct interaction with this situation on here.

i haven't been hugely vocal about it on tumblr, but i've been quite active behind the scenes on discord during this whole mess. i was the person who took the screenshot of the now-deleted blog that prompted a fair amount of discourse and the revelation that two less active skittles squad members were pr0shippers (yes, they have been banned). i think a screenshot of one of my discord messages was also knocking around on here.

to paraphrase something i already said on discord, in a slightly more eloquent form:

the fact that some people have tried to defend the accounts being referred to as p3dophil3s and pr0shippers is bleakly funny. the people coming after vry yesterday were almost all adults, and while the majority of them meant well they were outside of the situation. the people coming after the pr0shippers are either minors who have interacted with them directly or people from the skittles squad server who have seen many screenshots of their past behaviour on tumblr and in other servers.

i do not question the motives of the vast majority of people who have spoken about the situation, regardless of their side in it. as i stated in my previous, equally obnoxiously wordy post, it's clear to me that aside from the pr0shippers everybody here is concerned about the safety of minors in our community. however, if your intention is to "protect the kids," please listen to what we say.

most of the adults in the community are absolutely fine. they seem like lovely people from the interactions myself and other minors have had with them. even if they aren't they have presented no behaviour to us that suggests otherwise, and if they ever did they would be swiftly removed from the server and blocked by us on tumblr. we've done this multiple times over the last couple of days. there's no need to be suspicious simply because adults interact with us.

some of the adults in the community (and people who say that they're minors; whether you believe them is up to you) are, to put it bluntly, fucking creeps. we know them when we see them. we block them, and we share the warnings on the server so that others can block them too. if one of us makes a post saying that an account is a p3dophil3 or a pr0shipper, this is information sourced not only from their own actions, but from how they make us feel. that is to say: creeped out as hell.

the point of callouts like this isn't to categorize people as a certain label of fucked up, the point is to express the fact that we, as the minors who are supposed to be protected here, are made extremely uncomfortable by these people and their actions. if your response to that is to debate the definition of a p3dophil3 or a pr0shipper or to argue over the morality of depicting teen sexuality then the you aren't just missing the point, you're actively repelling it.

these people make us extremely uncomfortable. their words and actions make us feel disgusted and victimized. their presence and behaviour, regardless of what dictionary definition it best matches, makes the community feel like an unsafe space to minors.

please, if you see somebody getting called out by a minor over p3dophilic or pr0shipping behaviour, block them. or don't, it's your internet experience, you get to police it however you want. just don't try and defend them to us. it will not change the fact that their actions have made us feel unsafe.

this isn't directed at anyone in particular on here. it's in vague response to some things i've seen said, but i have no idea what the bulk of the discourse or public opinion looks like on tumblr. it's more of a general appeal.

if you value our safety, value our opinions on what people and behaviours are threatening it. thank you.

#byler #skittles squad #skittles squad server #this is in direct reference to the server because that is what i have firsthand experience with #but it applies more generally as well #anyway believe it or not i fucking hate drama

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mittensmorgul · 3 years ago

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For anyone interested in long-term residence in the supernatural fandom, please have some observations I’ve made over the decade I’ve been here. Take it or leave it as you will, but I’ve found all of this info useful over the years I’ve been here.

I wrote this yesterday, and it achieved its mission of identifying the sort of folks who would react negatively to it (i.e. a lot of block lists have been updated), so now that it’s been edited for content, it’s going under a cut (because that is how we do things on tumblr in general, unless we have a deliberate purpose for annoying readers with excessively long text posts) for the sake of people who actually do care about the fandom and its history. If that’s not you or your reason for being here, then keep on keeping on with your own thing, I guess. For those who are interested, there’s a lot of fandom resources some of us have been building for years that you might enjoy knowing about.

First off, I’ve been informed by a few friends who’ve read through this for coherency’s sake that it sort of reads like a *shakes cane from porch* fandom grandma complaint, but honestly... I earned this rocking chair and goshdangit imma rock now. So apologies for any “back in my day” vibes or faint aroma of tiger balm this post might give off. Then again, it’s loosely based on a similar post from 2012 so like... time is a flat circle anyway I guess.

1. There is no such thing as “tumblr famous,” unless you’re referring to the hilarious and delightful fic of the same name (please go read it, you will cackle). Posting Hot Takes for imaginary Clout™ on this site is kind of pointless in the long run. Sure you can post solely for the sake of stirring shit and getting notes, but the majority of the folks who do aren’t long term residents of the fandom. They’re just tourists moving through our little beach town for spring break. If you’re actually intent on moving to this corner of the fandom for an extended stay, please bother to really feel out the permanent residents and understand the culture and general mood of the neighborhood. It bears no resemblance to whatever’s going on across town where all the bars and beach parities are happening, and those loud, drunken revelers are, again, gonna disappear back to their regular lives or on to the next party eventually. That doesn’t mean the fandom is dying, it’s just evolving.

(funny how I had several comments implying that I’m just trying to keep the fandom from evolving with this post, because I sincerely do want the fandom to continue on for years to come, and that is impossible without evolution. We can evolve without self-immolating, though. mostly i included point 1 for an excuse to push ancient but hilarious fanfic on you.)

2. Once you post something here, it’s been unleashed to the fandom winds. You never know where it will end up, or who will comment on it or add to it. Remember that time Misha tweeted the link to the Epic Cockles Love Story post? No? It was wild. That was 2012. They all know we’re here, and how to find us if they want to. Please don’t take it to their doorsteps.

Obviously if someone is being a dick on your posts, please feel free to block them, but the whole entire point of this site is to engage people with your posts. Being big mad that someone reblogged your post with comments or supporting evidence, or happy headcanons or “HECK THIS IS GREAT BECAUSE (insert personal story about their experience or whatever else made them Feel Things about your post)” is frankly ridiculous. If your goal is to avoid any sort of engagement with your posts, then maybe try instagram instead. From what I understand, there is a SPN fandom presence there, and nobody can tarnish your original posts with unwanted commentary. But the ability to reblog with additional commentary is a FEATURE of tumblr that builds community through conversation. Otherwise we’re all just talking to ourselves in a vacuum, and that’s what actually kills fandoms.

(and for the folks who just want to blog how they want to blog and don’t want people to engage on their posts at all, please feel free to block anyone you want, as well... nobody wants to step on your toes, but most of us also don’t want to walk on eggshells wondering if this post is one of the “do not add comments for any reason” sorts of posts, either. This is a huge fandom and most people can’t even begin to keep track of every creator and their url du jour, and what their personal rules might be regarding interaction with their content. Including a “please don’t add comments” note at the bottom of your posts-- and not in your tags that won’t even show up on reblogs, but in the actual body of the post-- would sincerely help avoid any awkward or unwanted interactions, too. At the end of the day, you are in control of your own fandom experience and the block button exists.

For the record, I block zero fandom blogs (which is why I posted this, I wanted it to reach a wide scope... refer to the opening paragraphs as to why).

3. Since this post was partly inspired by a tag I left on that post going around about how “previous tags” mean fuckall on this site (which you can read here), just a reminder that if you like someone’s tags or feel they add value to the post, part of the Peer Review structure of tumblr encourages you to PASTE THEM INTO A REBLOG. If you do this, then at least credit the person who actually wrote the tags! Don’t just copy someone else’s tags into your tags on your reblog of the post without credit either. They were not YOUR tags. (I have had this happen to tag rambles I wrote and someone else got credited with them on a subsequent reblog and it is FRUSTRATING). Just... don’t even bother to write “previous tags” because WHAT PREVIOUS TAGS?! Nobody is gonna bother to chase back the chain of reblogs trying to find where the mystery tags came from, friendos. That way lies madness.

(for the record, since some folks seemed to focus on this point solely, writing “previous tags” on a post isn’t inherently a BAD thing, but for anyone who actually is here for more than one-off shitposting, then it’s sort of a pointless thing in the long run. This wasn’t intended to suggest people who ARE here for one-off shitposting are bad or “doing it wrong,” but for people who might actually want to preserve that hilarious joke or insightful comment. People delete posts and entire blogs all the time around here. Links break. I get that the upcoming generation just shrugs at that and moves on with their lives, but heck... you don’t have to accept that all entertainment is disposable if you don’t want to. There’s a bizarre sort of nihilism plaguing us all about the impermanence of pretty much everything that feels like something we should be fighting against rather than buying into wholesale, even in our escapist entertainment. I’m just exhausted by the complete loss of joy in community.

*shouts from the peanut gallery* IT AIN’T THAT DEEP, JUST GET SOME FRESH AIR AND LOOK AT A PUPPY OR SOMETHING

Yes... yes it isn’t really that deep, but bigger picture in the state of reality we’re all entirely disillusioned with, are we supposed to just give up on everything, including the things we cling to because they bring us a tiny spark of hope that we’re not all just trapped in this dystopian nightmare and things might actually be worth living for?

*peanut gallery clinging to burnt husks of peanuts in a barren peanut field* but this is how we have chosen to cope

Okay... you do you... I feel bad for you but if that’s the case then this post is NOT FOR YOU. AND THAT’S FINE. I honestly do not care if you don’t care! I mean, I’m sorry anyone has to live in a world that drives them to that mindset, but I understand. This post is for anyone who might look at their lives and their choices and think “no wait, I unironically enjoy this and want more from the experience of that enjoyment than I’m currently feeling.” Everyone else can continue with their lives as usual.)

4. CONTENT THEFT IS NEVER OKAY. PERIOD. Things like “credit to the artist” or tagging gifs or images you found on pinterest as “not mine” isn’t actually credit. If you can’t source an image or gif set, DO NOT POST IT! We don’t REPOST (i.e. save an image and then create a new post with it as if it was our own creation). We REBLOG (click the little square arrows and reblog from the actual creator). That goes for gif sets, fanvids, screencaps, meta, fic... everything.

(hopefully everyone here already understands this one, but I felt compelled to include some “these are stupidly obvious” reminders anyway, since this is ostensibly some sort of advice column. This is the equivalent of the warning label on your toaster reminding you not to use it in the bath. Like... duh...)

5. Close kin of item 4 is SOURCE YOUR SHIT.

(for 100% disclosure purposes, I specifically discussed this one in this specific way because of an influx of anon ask messages I received in the wake of the finale. Literally the inciting incident for creating this entire post was what I can only assume was a joking ask about a comment Misha made at a con years ago. Someone actually bothered to take the time to type out those sentences to me. I have no idea what they were expecting in reply, or what could possibly motivate them to send this comment about something so entirely random from, again, several years ago. Just a joke? No idea, but whatever... it got me thinking that there might actually be people who are new to the fandom who MIGHT actually care about the fandom history, and maybe they just don’t know where to go for that info, or how to even begin searching through 16 years of history for things they might actually find enjoyment in, rather than just hauling random out of context garbage out on main and pointing and laughing about it now. People are actually allowed to care about things. It’s not cringeworthy to actually care about things, and you are not alone in actually caring, and there’s this whole big room over here full of people who are thrilled to share in that with you. This post is intended FOR THOSE PEOPLE SPECIFICALLY, so if that is not you, please just continue walking by.)

Yes, I know lots of y’all are new around here right now, but dredging up stuff from years ago that fandom has completely debunked and presenting it as TRU FAX again is just exhausting. We’re not trying to be party poopers, but seriously, we have seen it all and are mostly done with extinguishing bags of flaming dog poop on our front porches for the umpteenth year in a row. I’ve seen a lot of posts that have the same tone as “I saw Goody Proctor dancing with the devil” or “I heard kylo ren has an eight pack” and just... the information is there for anyone who cares enough to find it.

This goes double for “why is nobody talking about this thing I just discovered while watching the show for the first time?!” And, oh hon, we have talked it all into the ground over the last fifteen years. We’re happy you’re discovering it again, but I promise we talked about it plenty when the episodes originally aired. We have such a rich meta history that lots of us have worked really hard to preserve. I encourage you to seek it out, if nothing else than as historical artifacts. The way we have discussed the show has been a 16-year evolution. People have written literal doctoral dissertations on this show. Your shitposts are fun! We love reliving our own experience through fresh eyes, and seeing your wonder at experiencing it all again for the first time! But y’all didn’t invent this fandom in the last six months, either.

Meta Sources and Minerals provided by our friendly neighborhood fandom archivist, @lets-steal-an-archive

Academic books and articles about SPN

A collection of Meta Essays going back to s1 and organized by topic (all of this has happened before, all of it will happen again)

SPN Heavy Meta Archive (s1-3)

Mel’s Dreamwidth archive of meta (s1-12)

Oranges8hands Dreamwidth archive of meta (s1-15, with many similar entries to Mel’s... though ymmv on viewpoint in a lot of these too)

Anyone remember Fandom Wank? Not the concept but the actual LJ... No? Okay have a link to SPN topics that ended up there. Through 2013. We have seen so much... including several fandom containment breaches.

for all your art sourcing needs, please see @theroadsofararchive, the repository for so much fandom art.

need to find a gif of something? canonspngifs is a vast repository of gifsets of the entire series. If the gif you want to use in your post happens to be the first gif in the gifset, in the tumblr gif finder thingy just paste the permalink to that post from canonspngifs (which is easily searchable by episode, character, location, situation, quotes, and sometimes even color and clothing items the actors are wearing... it’s really well organized, especially for tumblr >.>) and the first gif will be automatically linked with credit to the gif creator attached. It makes life easy that way. It’s also convenient when trying to remember something specific but can’t remember what episode it’s from. I’ve used the site to jog my memory before going to the superwiki armed with more specific search results to find episode quotes and references. Or sometimes I just scroll through all the nice gifs for fun, too.

Need a screencap of something and know exactly which episode it’s from? Try Home of the Nutty. You might not find the exact screencap you’re looking for, but they have a complete set of caps of every episode, and it’s an incredibly useful resource for quick reference checks and the like. Just give pages a chance to fully load before clicking on the next one. The site is easily overloaded, but it’s still free to use (and again, with credit... Pretty much every screencap on my entire blog is from HotN unless otherwise credited).

As you can see, this is a fandom built on preserving our history. You absolutely are not required to engage with any of this if that’s not of interest to you, but I can only assume that there are people who would be interested in it if only they knew it existed and how to find it. Well, now they do.

6. A few more notes on tags, and how they work on tumblr. The first 20 tags on your ORIGINAL posts are searchable sitewide, so if you want to be able to find something again, tag that thing first before going on general tag rambles. The only place tags on reblogs are searchable is on your own blog. So you don’t have to put 50 tags trying to get a post seen if it’s a reblog. You’re just spitting into the wind at that point. If you have a filing system for finding things again, then by all means add those tags (again, in the first 20, so they’re searchable), but you don’t need to tag a reblog “destiel” and “deancas” and “dean” and “cas” and “dean x cas” or whatever. Pick one for your personal blog’s filing system, that’s all you need.

(this was only added because tagging and searching on this site is so very broken... I get that a lot of folks don’t care about ever searching their own blogs again for anything, so this one only really applies if you do often find yourself trying to find old posts. If not, then it’s not really relevant. It took me years to work out a decent tagging system, and at the beginning of my time here I never thought I’d end up camping out here for a decade and falling this deep into the fandom, and I regretted my lack of consistent tags only years later when I realized I actually wanted to be able to go back and find specific old posts again. So... for anyone who wants to err on the side of caution, working out a sensible tagging system really helps if you’re here for the long term. I personally tag content by episode, because some of my other general tags are so large as to be practically useless as a search term. But whatever system you choose to file stuff on your own blog, it really only has to make sense to you. And again, if this is pointless advice for someone who has no intention of settling here for the long term. Please feel free to ignore it. I just wish someone had explained it this way to me ten years ago and saved me the hassle of retroactively tagging something like 30k posts... especially now that using the mass tag replacer is the fastest way to get your entire blog deleted... oops? so yeah, don’t use the mass tag replacer either >.>)

7. Tags on Tumblr DO NOT WORK LIKE TAGS ON TWITTER. If you @ someone in the body of the post, it will show up in their notifications (if they’re the sort of person who even checks their notifications... not all of us do. For the record, I generally don’t...), but putting actor or ship names in the tags on a tumblr post does absolutely nothing. It’s not the same as tagging the actor’s twitter account in a tweet. Nobody’s getting notifications about you tagging a post about Jensen here as “Jensen Ackles.” There is a difference. Please learn it. (and don’t take headcanons and ESPECIALLY RPF or otherwise explicit art or fic from tumblr to twitter and tag the actors in it. That’s just... not okay.)

(I have seen the pearl clutchers getting all in a huff about the mere existence of RPF or even explicit content of fictional characters if it doesn’t meet their purity standards, but tagging those things allows people who don’t want to see it to actively avoid that content here. Nobody has a right to tell people their fictional content shouldn’t exist at all, or that creators of that fictional content somehow deserve harassment or threats for having dared to create such “immoral” content, won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children... and no... you do not do that here. Don’t be the problematic behavior you wish to ban from the world. Learn to use tags to protect yourself from, as i have attempted to emphasize here, fictional content you are personally upset by. That’s a you problem, not a problem for the creators of potentially upsetting content that they tag appropriately for.)

8. General formatting stuff: If you’re writing long text posts, visually break them up so people aren’t faced with one long wall of text. The enter key is your friend. Also, if you put long text posts under a Read More break and send people to your blog to finish reading, please ensure that your blog is actually visually accessible (tiny text, or light grey text on a dark grey background, or a visually busy background might be aesthetically pleasing to you but nobody can actually read it. Loads of folks won’t even try. Which is great if you don’t actually care whether people are able to appreciate your content or not, but something to at least consider if you *do* actively want to encourage engagement with your work. Confirm how your blog looks on both mobile and desktop and make sure it’s actually functional in both, too).

And since I mentioned that most of my experience on fandom tumblr has been in the SPN fandom, here’s a bit of a reminder for folks who are new around here. With the reminder that I have been here more than a decade and still feel like a newbie myself sometimes...

This is an OLD FANDOM. There are many, many people who have been at this longer than some of you have been alive. The average age for creators in this fandom is older than you think (I think of my friends in their 30′s as young’ins okay? okay). With that understood, you are responsible for the content you consume and are exposed to. Curate your experience. Ship and let ship. YKINMKATOK. Don’t deliberately expose yourself to content you find upsetting for whatever reason. Tags and warnings are your friends, not targets for you to attack in some sort of purity war. People will ship things you do not like (or in specific ways you do not like), will say things you do not agree with, and will find their happiness in things you abhor. That is not your concern. Find what you do like, and support and engage with it, and ignore (or block, or unfollow) the rest. Tumblr has a feature that lets you blacklist tags so the content you’re trying to avoid won’t appear on your dash.

Remember the paradox of tolerance.

It is not your job in fandom to police how other people enjoy the fandom. It’s not *my* job to police how *you* enjoy the fandom, UNLESS your enjoyment is in actively harming other real human beings in the fandom. If you don’t like their take on the character or the show or the plotlines or their ships or anything else, you don’t need to engage with their posts at all! The necessary corollary to this is that clarifying misunderstandings or correcting factual misinformation is not “policing.”

(this is where the peanut gallery reminds me it ain’t that deep, and I plead with them to put down the social media and find just one (1) thing to actually believe in in this godforsaken life, find something other than disdain and cynicism and spite to live for. If those things motivate you to find a larger cause for yourself, then great, use them to your advantage, but use them to find something that makes you a better person or brings you a modicum of joy and connection to your fellow human beings despite living in a dystopian hellscape of a world)

I have seen a lot of posts lately that are founded on the sort of authority that comes with “I watched through tumblr for a few months and then watched the last three episodes of the series” and as such are just... missing the larger context of the entire show, and are unfounded entirely in canon. I 100% appreciate the new enthusiasm for the fandom that we’ve been living in here for years, and it’s wonderful to see new people enjoying the thing we love. Your headcanons are valid, you are valid, but recognize that your headcanons aren’t canon. All of us finale denialists have accepted this in some measure, so we feel you. We truly, truly feel you. But regarding actual canon, we have a resource for that: the Superwiki. Learn it, live it, love it, as Metatron would say.

(which you could discover he said in 10.17 Inside Man, thanks to the superwiki! accept no substitutes!)

(and again, there have been people who have been involved in fandom for years who haven’t engaged with canon in years, either! You can play in this universe however you choose, BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT CANON AT ALL, WHICH I AM AGAIN POINTEDLY SAYING MIGHT NOT BE YOU, READER, AND I’M NOT SUGGESTING YOU ARE WRONG FOR NOT WANTING TO ACTUALLY ENGAGE WITH CANON, but if you DO want to engage with canon, please have some useful resources. Why do people feel personally attacked by being presented a list of helpful resources? Absolutely baffling.)

(also: words have definitions. “Canon” is a specific thing, meaning in this case “the finished media product that aired on television.” Anything beyond those limits is secondary canon (think: john’s journal, which is not canon but canon adjacent at best...), word of god (i.e stuff said by the writers and showrunners), or headcanon (which includes actor commentary-- they may have helped create the show with their acting choices and whatever, but they are not in control of the story overall). If there’s something you dislike about actual canon, you can reject it and supplement it with your own theories or preferred outcomes-- that’s basically what fanfic is-- but that doesn’t make your theories canon (much to all our dismay, that’s just not how any of this works. This is not to invalidate how anyone engages with the show or the fandom, just trying to clarify what seems to have been a source of unintentional misunderstandings. Your theories do not have to be “canon” to be legitimate interpretations.)

***I am setting this section apart, and did make a separate post of just this following information, because this is where we go from being relatively chill about different parts of fandom choosing to interact in different ways and you do you and blog however you want, to “hey can everybody please understand that the way you are interacting with this specific material might be harmful for specific legal reasons, and stating that you do not care about the consequences of your actions does actively make you the asshole here...” Okay, now that we have that understood:

The spnscripthunt collective has been steadily acquiring new scripts (which are posted in full on the superwiki for everyone to enjoy, for free). The language around how some folks are talking about these scripts is... concerning. For very real legal reasons, actually, and not because we’re feeling precious about the collection and don’t wike it when meanies use them in shitposts.

-First off, these scripts are not “leaks.” They are all verified and legally purchased (or gifted, in some cases, but still acquired entirely above board. we didn’t whack anyone over the head in a back alley for these scripts, or swipe them out of someone’s trailer on set).

(in case anyone was unaware, these scripts are the copywritten protected property of Warner Brothers. So yes, how we use them and share them with the fandom could have legal repercussions. We present them as a collected resource of fandom history which SHOULD fall under Fair Use doctrine, but this is untested legal water. Insinuating that the scripts are somehow not entirely legally obtained, or that posting them for public access involved less than 100% transparent and entirely legal transactions is incredibly concerning.

Once again for the peanut gallery, if you don’t care about any of that and are just having a good time with it, at least be mindful of the work and expense a large group of people have gone through to acquire and present the content you’re all too eager to exploit for cheap thrills. Some of us do actually care and are not exactly comfortable with the fact that others don’t seem to care about burning it all to the ground. We can’t force you to listen or behave as we’d hope you might, but at least be aware of the potential consequences of your actions. All we’re asking is for you to not be the douchebag who sets the whole neighborhood on fire with your illegal fireworks display. Is that too much to ask for? more on that in a second, first... a psa)

-If you see a script for sale and are unsure if it’s legit (or believe it might already be freely available in our collection), please feel free to ask us for advice. Our goal is to make as much of our fandom history available to the entire fandom, and we absolutely do not want anyone shelling out money for stuff you can already find for free.

(seriously, we’ve seen a bunch of resellers cropping up selling printed versions of the scripts we bought and uploaded for everyone to enjoy free of charge, or scripts that are otherwise of dubious origin. We’ve been at this for years now and know what’s actually out there. We don’t want anyone to fall for a scam if we can help it)

-Also, the usual reminder that the scripts we acquire ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE FINAL SHOOTING DRAFTS. In fact, the majority of scripts in our collection are NOT. Changes are made daily to scripts, even during filming. Comparing a Production Draft (white pages, effectively the first “final draft” of what usually becomes a series of drafts before filming wraps) to a much later revision (say... green or goldenrod revisions, several of which we DO have in our collection for comparison) and how those earlier drafts often differ wildly from the aired version versus how similar a much later green draft is to the aired version, for example, can teach you a lot about the television writing process. The link above to the superwiki scripts page has a nice little explainer about how this process works.

Differences between our posted scripts (many of which are white drafts, aka FIRST complete drafts, which will likely go through multiple rounds of revisions before filming even begins) and the aired version of the show are not all “acting choices” or a director or editor just cutting whole scenes on a whim. It’s insulting to everyone involved in production to suggest that’s the case.

(and yeah, fine... whatever, make any sort of posts you like regarding how those changes came about, but at the very least understand that it’s not actually the truth about how any of this works. Don’t care that that’s not the truth and want to make the posts anyway because shitposting is fun and that’s the extent of your sense of humor? FINE! You’re entitled to do that! But at least you DO know the truth now, and hopefully so do the people who engage with your posts. Deliberate ignorance isn’t cute, smooth lions notwithstanding)

There’s probably a whole other post to be made on fandom tagging etiquette, but again I don’t really use the tags enough to know what’s going on with that whole situation. I’ve also probably left a lot of stuff out, so please feel free to add things I’ve overlooked.

Thanks also to @trisscar368 and @thayerkerbasy for help compiling this, too. They were kind enough to escort me through the park to feed these pigeons. Now I need to take them out for ice cream. :’D

So I guess welcome to the neighborhood. Make yourself at home, but like... try not to trash the place while you’re here. Some of us live here by choice, lol.

#this blue hellsite (affectionate)#fandom problems #kinda wish i'd made this post six months ago but here we are i guess lol #long post #now edited for the people who are actually personally invested in the fandom #thanks for participating in this little experiment and I hope this version is actually informative to those who are interested #meaning there's a lot more links to stuff and explainers and whatnot...#and one last reminder that for folks just swinging through for laughs absolutely none of this applies to you #if you are legit interested in fandom history and preservation as we move to the post-canon world then hopefully this is useful to you

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0risha · 4 years ago

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✗ khan requested the prompt :: "i’ve never been kissed before so you volunteer but i decline, we’re best friends and it would be weird, but a couple hours later i lay awake in my bed and i can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss you and suddenly i regret what i said" + getou THE BRAINROT IS REAL RN 😭 [ also sending u kithes mwah mwah <333 ]

✗ pairing :: geto x gn!reader

✗ xetou's note :: khan if you're seeing this ily muah muah. I forgot your new @ 😭 I could've sworn you just followed me lmfao. but thank you for the request, I hope you enjoy it. sorry that it's a month late (─.─||）

"You've never kissed anyone before?" Geto cranes his head towards you, bewilderment written in his features.

"No." You shrug nonchalantly even though your body thrums with high harmonies of embarrassment. You bury your head further into your book but the words are a blur. To your dismay, only murky, undecipherable letters form.

"Why's that? You're not ugly or anything, far from it." His voice is gravelly, formally set. He truly didn't know the effect he had on you.

When you sigh and tense, the air grows stagnant, your best friend's gaze on you doesn't help. You refuse to meet it, you're convinced that if you were to meet his eyes, he'd probably let out a laugh.

Geto had probably kissed a surplus of people, he was more of a playboy then Gojo was — just more gentlemanly.

Before you can utter your words of reason, you sense him shuffle closer to you, the bed you're both laying on creaks in protest.

"Is it alright if I kiss you?" At his words, your breath hitches in your throat. You sneak a glance at his face to gauge his seriousness. Geto rarely ever did anything upon instinct — unlike Gojo — he was a logical thinker. Immature at times but never to the extent. (The extent being Gojo Satoru)

But when you note that he was indeed genuine, your mouth runs dry as you hiccup out an answer. "S-sure."

His eyebrows raise, almost as if your previous words weren't expected. With one last nod and a lick of lips, Geto inches closer to you. When he invades your space, you're suddenly thrown into a state of hyperawareness.

You nearly short circuit when you're reminded of how good he smells, it's a mix between being woody and cedar-like with peeks of citrus. Nonetheless, it's warm and familiar. Albeit, a symbol of friendship between you two.

A feeling of hesitance crawls within your chest as you slowly pull away. It'd been through a brand of cologne you'd gifted him for his birthday when he was still a first year, an entity to reference the bond between you two, a platonic one. Not this. Not a kiss. Kisses wouldn't mean anything to Geto but frankly, it made things awkward, you'd seen how things like these morphed in the movies.

Coincidentally, the ones you watched with him.

"Uh — Suguru?" His brown eyes flutter open and meet yours. He hums in confusion. "I-I don't think we should do this..." You'd treasure this friendship with delicacy, even if it meant furling your feelings into dust.

"Why? It's just a kiss." His head tilts once you turn away, a heavy sting piercing your chest as you curse internally.

Of course it was just another kiss to him.

Whilst you fiddle with your fingers, you're tempted to go through with it, to feel an inkling of what it meant to feel his lips on yours but you shake the thought away.

"Reasons." You purse your lips as an air of awkward silence settles over you two.

Sensing it as well, Geto rolls over and turns to leave but not before ruffling your hair. "I'll see ya later, I need to catch some Z's."

You wave back, a dull ache zapping through a specific area in your chest as you watch his retreating figure. "See ya."

When you hear the door click shut, you flop back onto your bed and cover your eyes with the palm of your hands. You will yourself not to cry then and there but your internal chants are useless. Your vision blurs as your eyelids tense, your chest pathetically heaving in. Small sobs stagger out from your lips as you stuff your face into your pillow.

Love was so damn annoying. For now you'd just focus on exorcising curses, that's all you were destined to do anyway.

It was harder said than done, you decide hours later as you peel your covers off of your body. The little hope Geto had planted into your mind had sprouted into something else entirely; snapping jaws from vines that seeked closure.

You'd maybe get a kiss in, pour out your feelings and call it a night. Crazily, you snicker into the dead of the night as you place your slippers on to your feet. Things like these wouldn’t end a friendship, right?

As you stand face to face with Geto’s door, you’re convinced that it most definitely could. If basking in the aftermath, you wouldn’t be able to avoid him, ever. The amount of students — or the lack thereof — wasn’t an aid to your growing anxiety.

“Y/N?” Your eyebrows shoot up in confusion. Did he somehow sense you at the door?

“I was just about to go to your dorm room.” He states, an almost shy look clouding his usual proud demeanor.

Your tongue feels thick as you stare up at his figure.

“Did you need anything?”

“Y-yeah. Uh–” You nod your head as you worry your lip between your teeth. “Just wanted to say that I kinda like you?” Your eyes nearly pop out of your sockets as you slap a palm over your mouth. Your eyes dart from his face to your feet.

“Oh yeah. Me too.” Skeptically, your gaze finally finds rest on his face.

"W-" you start.

"Y-"

You both laugh. His is hearty and causes your gut to tug. You had always liked his laugh.

"You go first." You point at his chest.

Slightly, he shakes his head and nervously rubs at his neck. “I’m not good with these kinds of things.” A curtain of hair falls from his futilely tied bun to obscure most of his vision. By your sides, your hands twitch. A want to run your fingers through his medium-length locks encasing your senses.

“Me neither.” You agree, shuffling side to side.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” Your head whips towards him in shock, he places his hands up in defense. “I-I-If your okay with i–”

“Yeah, please kiss me.” Your words contrast with your actions as you're the first one to pull closer. His large hands find purchase on your waist whilst yours find it on his jaw. With closed eyes you brush his lips past your own.

They’re soft, just like you imagined. Deciding that it’s not enough, your hand inches higher to settle in his hair. You sigh as his lips finally slot over your own. The kiss is slow and endearing, almost dream-like. You wouldn’t put it past you, the dream-like feeling that is.

You take note of the soothing circles he plants on your back and his mint breath that mingles with yours.

Before the kiss can go any further, he’s pulling away. Though he doesn't move that far, his breath still fanning your face.

“For this being your first kiss, you're not bad...” His hands are still on your waist, his eyes digging into your shy ones. You identify the adoring look in them, you're sure that if he looked closed enough he could probably see the same through your gaze.

“Thank you?”

“You wanna touch lips some more?”

You snicker, his rare humor always shone through at the weirdest times. “Yeah, something like that.”

TAGLIST

@uniquabackyardigans @crapimahuman @dukina @princess-in-flowers @astraea-essie @italyhrry @zeyyackerman @royalelusts @vodrea @savantsoulfinder

to join my general taglist go here

if your name is in bold I could not tag you :(

#xetou hits 500—🌬️#geto x reader #getou x you #geto fluff #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #getou x reader #jjkmag #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk x gender neutral reader #jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader

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volturiwolf · 4 years ago

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The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 3)

No of Words: about 5313

Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft

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part 1 part 2

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"The Volturi Princess " Tag List (reply if you want to be tagged or removed):

@felixvolturisprincess @singerj2002 @mrtony-stank1 @ikissedthescarsonherskin @alecvolturiswifeforever @hshehdyhd

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Felix’s POV:

We have been traveling for over a year now, Demetri tracking Carlisle and us following behind him. Demetri located him across the Atlantic, so we swam across the ocean to reach him. Almost a year and a half after leaving Volterra, we tracked Carlisle while he was working as a doctor somewhere in the northern United States. He was surprised to see us, but we kept our austere facade to maintain our sovereignty towards him. He welcomed us gladly in his small house.

It was a two-story building, and it smelled of old wood and mold, but I guess that was the best he could do for now. The living conditions around here did not seem to be ideal. Apart from the Volturi and the Egyptian coven, no other vampire lived comfortably, in castles, mansions, or even big houses; most vampires were nomads, traveling around and living by hunting whenever they could. So, Carlisle actually living in a house, even if it looked like this, was way better than living the nomad life.

“Jane, Alec, Demetri, Felix. To what do I owe this pleasure? Can I offer you anything?” Carlisle had always been one of the kindest of our kind, too compassionate for a vampire.

“No, Carlisle, thank you, we’re good. We are on a mission, and we have a few questions for you.” Jane took it up to herself to start the conversation.

“Please, sit down so we can talk.” Carlisle offered us to sit around the table that was in the middle of the ground floor. We each took a seat at the table. “So, may I ask what it is all about? I don’t think I have personally acted in a way to upset the Volturi.”

“No, indirectly, you haven’t.” Jane continued. “We wanted to ask you a few questions regarding (Y/N). We think that you may have heard by now that she has left Volterra.”

“Yes, word came around. I met a few nomads from Europe some time ago, and they told me that (Y/N) left Volterra, probably permanently.”

I tried to suppress a sob that was fighting to leave my throat. Carlisle knew that (Y/N) left, everyone knew that (Y/N) left. They didn’t know she left her mate behind, and they shall never find out that she was my mate. I didn’t even want to think about the possibility of (Y/N) being in danger if anyone found out that we were mates. I had too many targets on my back to risk anything happening to her.

It was my turn to intervene. “Have you seen her? Has she ever come around here?”

Carlisle turned to face me. “I did. Once. She stayed with me for about a year; that was about 6 or 7 years ago. She tracked me through her memories. She has become quite skilled at that.” Demetri and I looked at each other confused. (Y/N) could track as skillfully as Demetri now?

Carlisle continued. “Anyway, she seemed concerned. She told me she had been traveling for quite some time, but she felt like she was missing a piece of herself, of her past. For a few months, she wanted to learn more about me, my job, how I was doing with the whole “animal blood” diet, simple curiosity really. She had been training herself to abstain from human blood, so it was easier for her to go hunt with me. She told me..”

Carlisle turned to look at me now. “She told me about your bond, Felix.” So, she has felt our bond, too! “She told me that she was scared for you, for your safety within the Volturi. She was worried about all of you, but particularly you, Felix. Being her mate means you are basically a target for anyone who wishes to harm (Y/N). She told me she ran away to protect you. As long as no one knew of your bond, you were safe. The traveling and meeting the world was just an extra benefit for her and her gift.”

“Her gift?!” We all exclaimed in unison. (Y/N) never claimed a “gift”, so how could this be possible? Did she lie? Did she even know about her gift?

“Before you say anything, she didn’t even know what her gift was. It is way more complicated than you think. I guess she’d appreciate it if I gave you an idea about it.” Carlisle paused for a few moments. If my heart was beating, I swear it would have stopped by now.

“You know how, for example, Jane, you can induce mental pain, or you, Alec, can restrict anyone’s senses?” The Twins nodded at Carlisle. “Well, (Y/N) can do both, and so much more.” We were kind of shocked. No one has ever had a gift similar to the Twins; that’s why they were in the Volturi. Because they were unique.

“(Y/N)’s gift is copying others’ gifts. That’s why she could also track me; she had copied Demetri’s gift.” Carlisle pointed at Demetri, who looked utterly shocked now.

I would lie if I said I didn’t feel the same way or scared even. I was not scared because of (Y/N); I was scared for (Y/N). This newly-found discovery meant she would be way more important to Aro than we ever thought. He wouldn’t just let her go - not that this was his intention before, but now, she would be even more precious to him and his cause; she would now be the perfect weapon for him to use against other vampires. I had to find her and warn her.

“Do you know where she is now?” My voice came out more stern than I intended it to be.

Carlisle nodded his head slightly. “I may know where she is now. Before she left, she was trying to find out as much as she could about her parents. I assume that was the “missing piece” she was referring to? Anyway, she may be after her parents. I mean they do know her nature better than any of us does. Don’t forget that (Y/N) is half-witch. No one could ever teach her how to be one; only her father could be the one to do so. So, if I stand corrected, she is looking for them. And there’s only one place that (Y/N) has ever linked to her parents.”

“Greece.” Demetri stepped in. Demetri was the only one who could understand (Y/N)’s connection with Greece; it was their birthplace, their origin, their true home.

“Exactly. If you find her parents, you’ll most likely find her. Even if she’s not with them, it will be easier to track her if you have her parents’ assistance.”

We nodded and we stood up. “Thank you for your help, Carlisle. You were most helpful.” Jane spoke for all of us.

“It was my pleasure.” Carlisle led us to the door, but before we left, Jane turned to him one last time. “We think we can trust you that this conversation stays between us.”

“Of course, Jane. Have a safe trip and take care of yourselves.”

“You too.” Alec smiled at Carlisle.

What Carlisle said at the end had me worried for (Y/N). “I hope you find her soon. Her parents never had the best reputation around.” What kind of people was (Y/N)’s family anyway?

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Tracking (Y/N) proved to be way more complicated and debilitating than we thought it would be. We assumed that the closer we were to Greece, the easier it would be for Demetri to pick up her tenor. We were wrong; we were going around blindly, not a clue about (Y/N)’s whereabouts. Even when we finally set our feet on Greek ground, we still didn’t know where to start looking for her. Nobody had a clue where she could be; we didn’t even know her birthplace.

Demetri took it upon him to start his research in a place he knew well enough: Athens. Athens was the capital of Greece’s civilization for many centuries, but, at the time of Demetri’s birth, during the Byzantine times, Constantinople emerged as the center of the Eastern Byzantine Empire, while Rome remained the center of the Western Byzantine Empire.

Athens was not regarded as highly as it used to, during Pericles’ “Golden Century”, as the 5th century BC was known. It still was an important and historical city, but it has lost its title as the “capital” eons ago. The city was taken advantage of by both “allies” and Ottomans and seemed to have lost part of its previous glory. Still, it was beautiful; I may have been quite “old” myself, but I could still admire the history around me.

It reminded of (Y/N)’s stories and books; knowing Ancient Greek history was one of the first things she took an interest in. The fact that she was able to travel to Athens, with or without Aro, quite a few times also developed her fascination regarding the Ancient Greek arts, philosophy, and overall way of living. Of course, it wasn’t easy being a woman then, or ever really, but she was more financially privileged than the average Athenian - vampire wealth had always been an actual thing, and Aro always prided himself to be a “collector” of wealth (and talented vampires for the matter).

We arrived in Greece at a transitional stage; the country has been experiencing a war against the Ottomans for a few years now, and it was evident around the city of Athens. There were many casualties during the war, many damages around the streets, the houses, and there seemed to be a climate of misery and decline.

Yet, the country had recently elected a prime minister, who declared Nafplio, a city in Peloponnese, as Greece’s capital. That was our next stop, as we couldn’t find anything in particular that could indicate (Y/N) being in Athens. Apart from the poor living conditions, the country was experiencing a plague pandemic wave, which killed even more people, but authorities worked hard on containing the cases, and it seemed to have been working.

Still, without a single clue about (Y/N)’s location, the only thing we could do is go around searching for any possible information. We could only travel at night, and hide during the day; Greece, just like Italy, had always been blessed with sunny days, for the majority of a calendar year.

It wasn’t ideal with us being vampires, but Volterra was an ideal strategic location for the Volturi to travel across the vampire and human world, rule, and impose their laws whenever it was needed. Just like always, we now also had to be secretive about our existence.

I thought about how lucky (Y/N) was in that situation; being a non-fully vampire, she didn’t “glow” in the sun like us. She had a more healthy-skin-like glow, a healthy and subtle glow that made me even more attracted to her - if that was even possible. That basically meant that she could technically go anywhere and everywhere; the weather did not affect her, the sun did not affect her.

I started getting frustrated and disappointed. It wasn’t only (Y/N) I had in my mind; apparently, during the years of the Greek Revolution, many vampires, Greek or non-Greek, started secretly fighting to claim territories for themselves.

We knew that it wasn’t part of our duty, but it wouldn’t hurt if we could actually claim Greek land for the Volturi. Having both Italy and Greece under our control could mean more power, more resources, more blood. It only seemed natural; the three Volturi kings were born in Greece, all three of their wives were born in Greece, Demetri and Chelsea were born in Greece. (Y/N) was born in Greece.

Greece could easily become an extension of our territory - Italy was already ours in its entirety - and it would only be the start. It would be easier to control and deal with any possible riots from other covens - the Egyptians and the Romanians in particular. We didn’t fear either of them, but the Romanians have been holding resentment towards the Volturi for a couple thousand years, so anything could be expected from their side at any moment.

I shared my thoughts with the Twins and Demetri. They all agreed that it was a plausible plan; it would show others that the Volturi are still as powerful as they have ever been, and should be feared. Besides, we knew that just the four of us would be able to subjugate any vampire that crossed our paths. With the Twins’ powers, Demetri’s tracking skills, and my strength, it would be impossible for others to resist or challenge us.

We started interrogating any vampire we found wandering or hunting at night; none of them worthy enough to fight us or even gifted enough to join the Volturi. It was quite easy to find the leaders of these “newly-made” covens, or alliances, as they seemed. Because none of them inspired loyalty to each other; none of them was a coven in the sense the Volturi were. They were more like vampires who came together to fight for territory control; I doubt if they would even manage to stay together for one more day. They did not only lack loyalty towards their "leaders", but also discipline, principles, and basic rules of survival and solidarity towards the other members.

It was quite easy to take over any “coven” in Southern Greece, including the island of Crete. We started moving north, taking over the territories of Thessaly and Epirus, something which the Greek humans did not manage to acquire from the Ottomans yet. We were to take over Macedonia and Thrace next, but we were met with an unexpected obstacle.

Every vampire we would interrogate regarding these two territories would say the same thing: none of them knew who owned them, but whoever tried to claim the territories never returned back, dead or alive. The mystery that surrounded the person or people behind the leadership of these areas made their skin crawl; they all refused to “help” us any further, no matter how much Jane, Alec, and I tried, which made me kind of worried, or more like curious, but I didn’t want to show any weakness or let them question my effectiveness.

Every one of them was just a “normal” vampire; we were better, stronger, gifted, and we have proved that we can bring results every single time. No other vampire has ever dared go against us; we wouldn’t allow them to question us now either.

We continued traveling up north, determined to face whoever it was behind the territories there. I didn’t pay attention to the slight pain in my guts as we were traveling through the country, but it was becoming more and more intense as we continued going north.

We didn’t know how we would find the vampires behind this “operation”, so our plan would be to act in any way possible to provoke them into coming out of their “hiding spot”. For a few days, we were rummaging any small village we could find, killing the villagers and draining them of their blood - not a very “Volturi tactic" may I say. We were supposed to hide our existence, not challenge our luck by killing so many people; yet, this was the only way we thought that could possibly lurk the vampires out of their “comfort zone”.

As we were traveling through Macedonia, we came across a rather developed town, compared to the villages we have seen before. The city was surrounded by tall stone walls. There were a few rivers on its western side, forests and mountains on its northeastern side, and swamps and marshes on its southern side. We couldn’t hunt freely here, at least not during daylight; there was no way we would go unnoticed if we started hunting anywhere in the area. We decided to run through the forests, see if there was a place we could stay for a while; if there was a human or more we could feed off of; if there was a sign of the vampires or (Y/N).

During the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking that our mission has been more about expanding our power and influence, and not as much about locating (Y/N). Actually, it felt more like locating (Y/N) was more of an afterthought now. We lost the purpose of our mission; the reason we came together all along.

It wasn’t as if we would actually be directly benefiting by the territories we claimed; we were still working on behalf of the Volturi. We didn’t ask the kings to claim Greek territories; yet, we did, because we felt obliged to consider their own good once again, this time at the expense of finding (Y/N). Once again, we became the victims of the influence they had on us, and we played their game.

“Why are we even doing this?” I yelled frustratedly. My friends turned to look at me.

“What do you mean, Felix?” Jane seemed slightly annoyed. “We’ve come here to claim the territories, to show these savages who the boss is here.”

“No, Jane, they are not savages, we didn’t come here to claim territories, and we don’t have to show them “who is the boss”. They already know that the Volturi rule the vampire world. No. No. We came here to search for (Y/N). Not to “claim territories”. Not to “show them”. We came here for (Y/N). We..We lost our purpose. We lost the true meaning of our mission. We just started claiming the land for the Volturi, for Aro. We..We forgot about her.”

My eyes were stinking with venom. I felt weak, I felt as if I betrayed her. I promised to myself that I would bring her back home, that I would protect her. It’s been so long and we still haven’t found her. We just kept wasting time on things that shouldn’t matter to us. We should not care about expanding our influence, our territory, our power. We should care about bringing the Princess back.

Jane lowered her head apologetically. “I’m sorry, Felix. I didn’t know you felt this way. I have to admit it though; we did lose track of time and we forgot about the actual purpose of this mission. We once again forgot that (Y/N) has always been way more important than any power in the world. I’m sorry. We all are. I promised you we’ll start searching for her right away, okay?”

I nodded affirmatively. We had to find (Y/N) as soon as possible. We were not only running out of time but also out of hope that (Y/N) was in Greece or anywhere else, that she was alive. We got so distracted by our conversation that we didn’t notice we were being watched until we all started screaming in pain. I fell on my knees, the pain on the back of my head unbearable, and that’s when I blacked out.

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I didn’t know how much time passed being unconscious. It felt like a new sensation to me; being a bit over 2000 years old, I haven’t lost my senses once - except for the times Alec liked to play games on me. I didn’t feel like myself; it didn’t feel right. I didn’t like being restricted of my senses, especially now, especially here, in an unknown place. My mind was blurry and I couldn’t see anything distinct around me; I couldn’t see almost anything. I tried to move my hands around but I couldn’t as if the tightest rope in the world was holding me in place.

“No need to fight, sweetheart.” I heard a woman’s voice. “There is no way to escape.”

“Who are you? Why am I here? Where are the others?”

“Felix? Is that you?” I heard Demetri’s voice on my right.

“Demetri? Is that you? Where are Jane and Alec?”

“I am here.” I heard Alec’s voice on my left.

“Me too." Jane replied.

“Alexandre, please, I cannot start with this again.”

Suddenly, I could see again. I was still physically restricted, but my eyes could see them crystal clear and my mind was in order once again. The woman in front of me was very imposing, though of average size. Her long, curly hair framed her face beautifully and her piercing red eyes were piercing through my soul. The man standing next to her was only a few centimeters taller; he had short, straight hair, and his eyes were looking between the four of us sternly. Who were they even? Why were we even here? Why us? As if she read my mind, a woman spoke to me.

“Oh, deary. We’re not going to tell you who we are. But you are going to tell us what you, Volturi guards, are doing in our territory!”

“How do you know who we are?” I exclaimed. Of course, everyone knew the Volturi as the authority of the vampire world, but not all vampires around here have ever met us specifically, or any other member of the coven for the matter.

“Your crest, dear. I have known that crest for far too long. Way before you were even born. I see that dear Aro never changed it. He does like to remain in his same, old ways after all. Never changing, never moving forward, still imposing his “laws”, I’m assuming?” The woman seemed to know way far about the Volturi and Aro. She became a danger for our coven, from the moment she and the man abducted us. She should have never done that; they both would be punished for their actions.

“Dear, I won’t get punished..for anything. You, on the other hand, are in a pretty difficult situation. You see, my husband and I are not going to let you get away until you tell us why you are here.”

“Pain.” I heard Jane saying. The woman turned to look at her but she didn’t even flinch. I heard Jane screaming in return.

“Oh, sweetheart. Your powers won’t work on either of us. You see, I am a shield, so don’t even try to hurt us. On the contrary, WE can hurt you just as much, if not more.” The woman smiled evilly, while Jane was writhing in pain.

“Please, stop hurting my sister.” Alec pleaded, unable to use his gift against the couple.

“So, you are the “Terror Twins”. Alec and Jane, I see.” The woman knew their nickname? “Oh, yes, I do, dear.” She turned to look at me. “You see, I was once part of the Volturi. Technically, still am. However, I left, way before any of you joined the coven. To put it into perspective, I was there when Didyme lived but I left way before she was killed. Dear Marcus has never been the same ever since. I still feel somewhat of a connection to the coven, though I am able to make my own decisions because I managed to escape them. We were actually passing by Volterra a few times. I wonder how you never noticed us, though our powers would practically make us mentally invisible from Demetri, over here, or any other vampire, really.”

She knew Demetri, too?

“Felix, dear, I know all of you and about you. You see, my dear daughter has a special connection with all of you, a kind of friendship neither my husband, nor I quite understand. It wasn’t easy for her to keep her memories secret; though she is an amazing shield - which makes me so proud, she is kind of “vulnerable” when she is sleeping. And my husband’s magic is quite strong and easy to penetrate her mind and memories when she does eventually sleep.”

Her daughter? Could that be…?

“WHERE IS SHE?” The question slipped out of my mouth without even thinking about it first.

My anger could not be controlled right now. I was pushing myself to my limits to break my fetters, to no avail. Were that woman and that man (Y/N)’s parents? I started making some connections here and there; they looked similar to (Y/N), though so different at the same time. Their immortality, their red eyes, their confidence, and their aggression did not remind me of (Y/N). She had a pure face, a face of kindness, she was not like them.

“You think so? Alexandre, can you please call (Y/N), agapi mou?” The woman turned to the man, and the man started moving his fingers in front of him, creating some sort of a wave around him.

Within a few seconds, the door burst open and the first thing I saw was a red silky fabric flowing around the air. When the fabric settled down slowly, I saw her for the first time after so long. She has changed..a lot. Her (Y/E/C) eyes were replaced by piercing red ones, with a slight hint of (Y/E/C) around the pupils. Her eyes apathetic and stern; her facial features more defined; her hair reached a little below her shoulders, straight and shiny, like her father’s. She still looked as beautiful as ever.

She stared at us, focusing her eyes mostly on me. Her heartbeat sounded steady and strong. I was relieved; she was still human, they had not turned her fully vampire yet. She took a few steps farther into the house, her feet bare but surprisingly clean, no dirt, no grass had stained them. She stood right beside the woman, who I now knew was her mother and Aro’s daughter.

“What are they doing here?” Her voice came out stern, yet it was music to my ears.

I missed her voice so much. I missed her so much. Our mate bond, weakened by the distance and time spent apart, slowly started forming again. I felt it; I felt my existence becoming meaningful again. I felt my breath hitching in my throat, her presence provoking so many different feelings and emotions inside me. However, she still seemed cold and distant, and I couldn’t quite read her face. Did she not feel the same? Has she forgotten me? Does she hate me now?

I saw her gaze getting softer, even compassionate? She approached me and bent down slightly, placing her left hand carefully on my right cheek. She stared deeply into my eyes and I closed mine, leaning on her touch. It was the purest moment I have experienced in my 2000 years of life.

I opened my eyes and stared at her. I saw golden flakes scattered in between the red in her eyes. Once again, she took my breath away. It felt as if I fell in love with her all over again, a unique feeling of refreshment. We were lost in our own little world. She smiled slightly at me, the first time she did after such a long time.

“Enough! (Y/N) get away from him, now!” (Y/N) was forcefully removed away from me by her mother. She was looking at me pleadingly and then turned to look at her parents with such hatred. I’ve never seen her like this ever again, not even with Aro.

“YOU. WILL. NOT. TELL. ME. WHAT. TO. DO!” If looks could kill, (Y/N)’s parents would be dead by now. Her hands started lighting up, bright purple flames rising up. She was trying to intimidate her parents, but neither of them looked concerned in the slightest. She turned to us and with a dance-like move of her hand, we were finally freed of our fetters.

It was her father’s turn to speak. “(Y/N), let’s take this outside.” With a jerking motion of his hand, we all found ourselves, outside, in their house’s front yard.

“They’ve come to take you back to Volterra, back to Aro! Don’t you see it? They don’t care about you! They just want to please their master.” The words came bitter out of her mouth. She had a clear resentment towards the Volturi. “I will not let them take you away from me! Not again!”

“I know, mother, I’ve read their minds, too. Yet, I don’t see why YOU seem to think that you can make the decisions for me. I am my own self. I can make decisions for myself. And I get to choose what I do with my life.” (Y/N)’s voice was certain, powerful, in control. “They are not bad people, mother. They just have to follow orders, just like you followed Aro’s orders, just like I followed yours. That’s not going to happen anymore. I am taking control of my life!”

The sweet, little girl I got to see my whole life was becoming a strong, powerful woman right in front of my eyes. She was radiating power; she was taking control of her life. She was..my everything. She was becoming independent, her own self. To say I was proud of her, would be an understatement. She has always been special, but this newly-found power has clearly given her way more confidence and trust in herself.

She would finally be able to rule the Volturi. If she decided to come back to Volterra, she could definitely take over the coven. No one would be able to resist her or her gift. My thoughts were quickly interrupted when her dad started shouting in Greek.

Demetri, who was standing right next to me, saw the look of total confusion in my eyes. “I’ll translate for you.” I nodded at him. “So, her father says: Enough with this nonsense, (Y/N). Your place is here, with us. You owe us; we taught you what you needed to know about your magic. We taught you how to use it, how to develop it. You didn’t know enough to defend yourself back then.”

“Now, (Y/N) says: I don’t owe you anything. Yes, you did teach me how to use my magic, which I inherited from you. But, you gave me away to Aro. You couldn’t defend me or yourselves against him. You just offered me to him, as if I was a present for his birthday or something.”

“Now, her mother says: You, at least, owe it to yourself to get away from these tyrants. You know they don’t deserve you, so why are you still defending him? It’s that man, isn’t it? Now, (Y/N) says: That man has a name. Now, her mom says: You know, his name means “lucky”, "happy" in Greek. Yet, he hasn’t been that lucky or happy at all, has he? We read his mind, (Y/N), he’s not worthy of you.”

“Now, (Y/N) says: Guess what? I have also read his mind, and I have also read the two of you, as well. Don’t you think that it is only you who can read my mind while I’m sleeping! I’ve been reading your minds any chance I get! I know how you’ve been planning to use me, as a weapon against the Volturi! Guess again! I’m not going to let you manipulate me anymore! And that man deserves EVERYTHING in this world!”

“ENOUGH!” Her father shouted and threw a dark red glowing sphere, hitting (Y/N) and knocking her on the ground. My heart dropped at the sight, but she quickly stood up and gathered so much energy in her own hands, attacking her father with a powerful hit.

He got wounded, his face slightly cracked from his forehead to his jaw, yet he didn’t give up. He was about to attack her once again when his wife stopped him. She was looking at me and nodded to her husband. I heard (Y/N) screaming, but I didn’t make out what she was saying, as I started screaming myself and felt myself getting tossed in the air. Then, everything went black once again.

#felix volturi #felix volturi imagine #felix volturi x reader #volturi #twilight #twilight renaissance #twilight post #demetri volturi #alec volturi #jane volturi #the cullens #the denali coven

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ethrenisnotthehero · 4 years ago

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@hogwartsmystory is a predator (final)

If you haven’t read the other parts of this callout, I encourage you to start here. As in both previous posts, the normal tags are not included in order to allow this to reach as many people as possible. Potential triggers are listed below, and the main content is hidden to keep sensitive individuals from being unintentionally exposed.

TW: Pedophilia, Abuse, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Self Harm, Suicide, NSFW Topics, Faked Illness, Faked Mental Illness, Faked Death, Victim Blaming

Originally, I intended to craft this final part to you, the reader, as an emotional appeal. To be wholly honest, there’s only so much evidence that can be utilized without either forcing Jill to relive unnecessary trauma or exposing deeply intimate or personal parts of her life. Until now, everything I’ve told you and everything I’ve shown you is what was enough to convince me when Jill first reached out to me. If you, the reader, don’t believe the factual information that’s been presented so far, then I don’t think that you will. If you, the reader, believe Jill and her story, then no further evidence is going to magically make her story more true.

However, I don’t have to. Instead, I can let the friends-- the family--that Ren created on his website speak for themselves, and show you with their own testimony just the kind of person he was. Jill wasn’t the only person that Ren hurt. Jill wasn’t even the only person Ren preyed on as a sexual predator. Many people on staff, and many people outside of it, knew Ren and grew to have what they thought was a close relationship with him. People regarded him as someone to look up to, to find comfort in, to aspire after, to lean on; people thought of him as a friend and a hero in his community.

On April 12, 2021, at 9:57 AM Greenwhich Mean Time, the current administrators of Advanced Scribes issued a statement addressing Ren’s actions and his faked death. An additional announcement was made the following day. While the announcements themselves and the replies (including moderator statements) are publicly available, I have saved a print-to-PDF versions on Google for you to browse at your leisure.

I intentionally waited until the initial panic and outrage died out a little to let the most important statements come to light. Included in the PDF are sentiments that I personally thought were the most important sentiments; edits have been made and pages have been deleted, so you can see the current state of the conversations by visiting them directly. You can find the first discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42100#p1454263 and the second discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42107#p1454361.

Before you continue reading, please look over the statements and replies. The words of former staff former friends say more than I can ever hope to about Ren and the kind of reality that he stood for. Additionally, Jill herself has added to the conversation (username Rakuen), so you can read a bit from her perspective by looking into these announcements. After you’ve taken a look, continue below and I will sum up my final thoughts on this predator and his legacy.

Advanced Scribes • Our Statement (PDF)

Advanced Scribes • Change (PDF)

The Act of Grooming, Part 3: Entrapment

One of the reasons that predators get away with their crimes for so long is because they trap their victims. When they gain access to and successfully lure in their prey, they then engage in entrapment behavior to separate victims from other people and build reliance. The reason why kids are so prone to predation is because of how vulnerable they are. Young people just want to belong. They just want to have community, security, and affection. When they can’t get those things in their lives, they seek it out and take it where they can get it even when the situation is obviously bad. Kids can’t be held accountable for being smart because they’re kids. Jill was vulnerable. She wanted belonging and support. She fell into Ren’s lures, and he trapped her. He used his affection as a tool to solicit sexual favors and pictures from her, but never shared his face with her. She was always chasing his love, and all the while he was simultaneously preying on other individuals in the community. For God’s sake, this man had a selfie thread where underage girls would send pictures of themselves publicly on the site for him to look at, and he even intentionally disabled the website’s COPPA features.

Before Jill, there was Buttercup. Buttercup was also an admin, and she was also 13 when she met Ren. While Ren was a minor during he and Buttercup’s relationship, his behavior with her was just as predatory and Buttercup attempted to warn Jill via PM before she ended her relationship with him.

The picture he sent Buttercup wasn’t even him.

The entire time that Ren was convincing Jill that Buttercup was evil, and jealous, and a spiteful, hateful person, he was manipulating her the same way he was manipulating Jill. Ren is a predator who knows what he’s doing; he always has. He draws in his victims and makes everyone hate them so that he’s the only person they have. He makes them so desperate for his approval that they let him screw them over time and time again, and for what? Just to see his face. Think about what you read. He didn’t just do this to Jill and Buttercup. He did this to every person he cheated with or got close enough to get a grip on. Even if he didn’t sexually exploit someone, he emotionally did. An entire community of people suffered through this over and over and over again. Read the statements again. If you only read the live version, read the PDF.

I also want you to bear in mind that everyone on staff was equally a victim as they were an enabler. It doesn’t erase their responsibility, but their roles in this story or more nuanced than “moderator bad, burn the witch!” Some of Ren’s supporters were as young or younger than Jill when they met him. The two people most notorious for standing at his side right now were both “rewarded” with a relationship with him in the fallout of his faked death.

At some point, this man looked at his behavior and not only decided that he didn’t need to take responsibility, but that his victims daring to try and claim some kind of ownership over their own story was a personal affront to him.

Ren is a monster of his own creation. He chose to be that monster again, and again, and again.

What makes his enablers equally to blame is when they became adults and made a conscious choice to ignore what was happening, which brings us to the next topic.

Finally... How Old Was Jill?

Despite everything I’ve said and shared so far, I still get this question in my inbox.

How old was Jill? Did she lie about her age? Is she free of guilt because she was a kid? Did he know how old she was? Was she legal in her country?

I gave you all everything I had. There were some things I just couldn’t confirm because there was no proof either way. However, all of that changed when the announcements were released. I now know exactly how old Jill was when they began dating, exactly how old she was when people knew about their relationship, and even that Ren was public with all of this information. I also know that staff knew everything, and chose to do nothing.

As you can see in the screenshots above of Buttercup’s message, it was sent on Jun 17, 2015. At that time, Jill was 14 years old. By Buttercup’s estimation, they had been dating for around a few months, which is how I was able to discern the previous exact age of 14 years old at the time they began dating.

However, Ren himself refutes that fact in a Valentine’s post for Jill. As pointed out in the “Our Statement” thread, the post that user amnesia. references includes very sexual and disgustingly graphic descriptions of Ren’s activity with her. It also says this:

As per the timestamp of this particular post (as seen below), Jill was 16 at the time. Ren, a man claiming to be twenty-five years old at the time, was proud to admit that he had been with Jill since she was 13.

You can view the full PDF of this post to see what else he said here, but please be warned that his descriptions are NSFW and absolutely disgusting.

Warm Fuzzies Post (PDF)

No adult should talk about a kid like that. In the statements, several staff members admit that they knew that the two were dating when she was 16, and that it grossed them out. But none of them did anything. To amnesia.’s credit, they claim they tried to pursue legal action but found no viable routes.

From the discussions and statements, we can discern five things:

1. Jill was 13 when she started dating Ren. 2. She did not lie about her age. 3. Ren did not lie about her age. 4. Ren knew how old she was. 5. Staff knew how old she was.

Jill’s feelings and her opinions on staff and their behavior are separate from my own. She does not share my beliefs here, and I need to make it very clear that what I’m saying next is entirely my own opinion.

To everyone who was staff at that time: shame on you. It’s one thing to be a victim yourself and to not understand how or when to stand up for what’s right, especially when you’re young; it’s another to become an adult and to have let something like this permeate your legacy and your community for all this time. From what I understand, none of you are completely innocent in this. Ren wasn’t secret, he was loud and proud and he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Everyone who was an adult then and is an adult now shares some responsibility for that. Those of you who mean your apologies, thank you, but those of you who are using this event as a stepping stone to make that website into your own personal playground know who you are. Stop. There’s an entire generation of kids between AS and CS who have lost years of their childhoods to this shit and the only right thing at this point would be to turn the site over to the police so that Ren can answer for his crimes the right way.

To everyone else: protect the people around you. People like Ren don’t think about how other people think or feel. They don’t care who gets hurt or who they trample under their feet. Look around at your community, and ask yourself if those who interact with you know that you are safe. Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt. Are you the kind of person that they can come to when it happens, or are you the kind of person who will turn your head away?

Be the person that everyone knows they can come to, because, eventually, someone’s going to need you.

#ethren is not the hero #ethren whitecross #ethren #chicken smoothie #chickensmoothie #harry potter #hphm #hphl #hogwarts mystery #hogwarts legacy #aaron #aaron strider #strider #advanced scribes #advanced-scribes #skyren #captured hearts #aven #lucian

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thedumpsterqueen · 4 years ago

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Standards of Performance, Chapter 12: What Happens in Alleyways

From the Beginning, Previous Chapter

AO3 Link

Sorry it's a lil short, it's more of a transition chapter to actually jumping into this case and Reader's now even more confusing "relationship" with Hotch. Things get kinkier and angrier and more explicit from here, but I'll do my best to tag stuff. Thanks for your patience as always, guys, especially amidst the dumpster fire that is current events right now <3 Your reblogs and tags slay me and I love it.

Summary: You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter Summary: Turns out, the world doesn't stop on its axis just because you had sex with your boss. You’re unsure whether or not that’s a good thing.

Words: 1,882

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Violence, dark themes, explicit sexual content. More specific warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You awoke to the dim light of the dawn, rain gently pattering on the windows, and the blaring sound of Hotch’s ringtone three feet from your face.

“Jesus christ, old man,” you groaned, blinking your eyes open, “turn your hearing aids up.”

Already sitting up in bed, he paused with the phone halfway to his ear.

Shit. You were being too casual - waking up in his bed, joking with him. Acting like you belonged there. You didn’t know how he felt about what happened, for all you knew he regretted every second and-

“You’re paying for that later,” he smiled before answering the call.

The playful threat filled you with relief before it made your stomach flip, and the memories of last night came flooding back. His body, his eyes, his hands all burned inside your eyelids as if you’d been staring directly at the sun. You’d never been in this situation before - waking up next to someone you’d spent the night with and desperately hoping it was the first time rather than the last. But you’d also never felt your body sing with the white-hot pleasure it did when it was touched by the seemingly unattainable man who did so last night, so. There was that.

The low rumble of his voice brought you back to the present, and you looked up at his face to find it was twisted up in concentration, resignation, and something else.

“I’ll be right down,” he said, standing up swiftly and pulling his work clothes on with practiced speed. “Don’t let anyone touch anything.”

He shoved his phone in his suit pocket and looked at you, still tangled up in his sheets.

“Get dressed and meet me downstairs,” he said, terse. “There’s a body in the alley outside the building.”

“Outside this building?”

“Yes,” he responded, “and there’s a note.”

As he swept out the door, leaving you reeling, you realized what the other expression on his face was. Fear.

***

Hotch had gotten ready and exited the apartment before you had even processed the situation, and your mind was racing a mile a minute as you flung yourself out of bed and scrambled to get dressed. The logical assumption, of course, was that the stalker had left the body. People didn’t just end up dead in alleyways in this part of town, and certainly not in the middle of a rainstorm mere floors from where the BAU Unit Chief slept - not without a reason.

You threw on your coat and boots, forgoing contacts and makeup in favor of your glasses and a hat to cover the tangled mess last night’s tryst had made of your hair. Without even pausing to look in a mirror, you scurried down the stairwell and exited the lobby into the cold October wind.

It was easy to tell which alley the body occupied - there were an excess of thirty people milling in and out of the space to the right of the building. Crime scene investigators, policemen, and other personnel talked in hushed voices. You spotted a clearing in the sea of people and knew that’s where the victim would be, given a wide berth per Hotch’s instruction.

The team hung out at the edge of the circle watching Reid, who was kneeling in front of the body slumped against the side of the apartment building. Moving closer, you could tell he was in the middle of one of his spiels, gesturing wildly while the everyone nodded along. You joined the group that had formed around him and caught the middle of what seemed to be a hypothesis about victimology.

“ -no patterns, obviously, but if we assume similar characteristics would be present in all his victims, it’s hard to discern what statement he could be making. Positing a male in his mid-to-late twenties is statistically most likely, but stalkers of this age group also frequently have some sort of sexual motivation, and if the autopsy is consistent with what we can observe now,” he gestured to the body, “I don’t think that’s the case here.”

Throughout his speech, you’d been scrutinizing the victim - a brunette women who looked to be no older than 20, arranged in a half-sitting position against the wall behind her. There was no blood anywhere you could see, in fact, she barely looked dead at all, likely thanks to the below-freezing temperatures last night that had put a pause on the early stages of decomposition. Pinned to her shirt was a white envelope that bore an ominous message in bold, black ink:

“For my friends at the BAU.”

Not hard to guess who had killed this woman.

“Can you determine cause of death, Spence?” Prentiss asked, her arms folded.

“I’m not sure, but if I had to guess…” he used his pen to push the victim’s hair to the side, exposing a neck mottled with stark blue bruises.

“Anger, then,” you offered, speaking to the psychological drivers behind strangulation, “but I doubt we’ll find any sign of sexual assault. The unsub made it clear that his disdain is directed towards us; it’s not likely that would extend to his victim.”

The rest of the team nodded in thought, but Hotch looked at you in surprise, as if just noticing your presence. As his eyes glued on yours, his face changed, and he grabbed your arm in an unpleasantly tight grip.

“Open the note. I’ll just be a moment.”

Unaware of his boss’ sudden change in demeanor and the vice on your elbow, Morgan gloved up and reached for the envelope. Hotch, meanwhile, unceremoniously dragged you down the alleyway and around to the deserted back side of the building.

“What the hell?” you hissed, yanking your arm out of his grip.

“Did you fail to look in a mirror before you came down here?” Hotch’s narrowed stare betrayed nothing but contempt, and you scrambled to determine the implication of his question.

“I’m sorry, did you want me to take a shower before looking at the dead body? I did the best I could, it seemed urgent -”

“No,” he snapped, “I’m referring to the fact that your neck looks worse off than our victim’s does.”

You processed his words for a moment before the implication hit you.

“Are you talking about the hickies?! Christ, Hotch, I’ll get a scarf then. Just give me a second!”

“Please do. I’d like my agents to appear professional, not like they’re college kids coming off a one night stand.”

His words halted your stomp back into the building, and you turned back, furious.

“You put them there! How is this my fault?”

“I didn’t think I would have to be this explicit about the fact that I don’t want the fact that we had sex last night broadcast to everyone at the crime scene.”

You gaped at him in disbelief.

“Are you embarrassed or something? I’m sorry if you regret what happened, but you don’t need to lash out at me like this -”

“I’m not lashing out,” he interrupted, “I’m informing you of my expectations for my agents. Is there a problem?”

You wanted to scream at him. You wanted to smack that perfectly raised eyebrow and controlled expression right off his face. But he was boxing you in - speaking to you as your boss and not the man you slept with last night, and as much as you hated him for it, your sense of self-preservation won out.

“There’s no problem,” you mumbled, unable to make eye contact as you slipped past him and around the building.

You made it halfway up the stairwell before the tears started flowing. Had you really thought sleeping with him was going to change something? That he was going to ask you to be his fucking girlfriend, like he wasn’t the chief of your unit and you weren’t a twenty-something intern? For all you knew, he did this all the time. His level of skill in the area certainly made it seem like he did.

That wasn’t true, though, you knew it. He may not reveal much, but you could tell it had been a fraught decision to let your relationship develop the way it had. Perhaps even a decision he regretted now - and it certainly seemed so, given his behavior.

Wiping tears on your sleeve, you fumbled with the spare key he’d given you to his apartment and walked in. You glanced in the mirror by the entrance and your eyes nearly bugged out of your head. Hotch wasn’t exaggerating when he likened the marks to strangulation - indigo smudges, still peppered with the angry red of burst capillaries, circled your throat.

It was a juvenile, possessive, ridiculous display, and Hotch was absolutely right to label it unprofessional. And yet, the thought that you’d walked onto the scene bearing the marks he’d given you filled you with a thrill so intense you had to brace yourself against the entryway table and clamp your legs together.

Breathe. There’s still a fucking murder scene downstairs.

You steadied yourself and headed for your duffel bag, where you’d thankfully packed a scarf in preparation for the cold snap that was predicted to hit the state this week. Midway through unzipping your bag, though, your eyes landed on his dresser and the devil sitting on your shoulder, buzzing with a deadly combination of anger and arousal, whispered a terrible, reckless idea in your ear.

***

You practically skipped downstairs to rejoin the team, who appeared to be engaged in a lively debate about the contents of the envelope Morgan was holding. After gloving up, you reached out a hand towards him.

“Can I read it?”

He handed it over, distracted by another stream of consciousness from Reid. Hotch took note of your return and glanced in your direction before turning back to the conversation.

You pretended to read the note and waited for him to notice.

You waited all of three seconds.

He whipped his head back so comically fast you struggled to suppress a snort, and you knew exactly what he was looking at. A midnight blue cashmere scarf, nicked from his dresser and wrapped artfully around your neck to cover the bruises, just like he’d asked. The first compliment you’d ever paid him was in regards to this scarf; tentatively whispered when he’d worn it to a chilly 2 am crime scene. He’d accepted the compliment passively, but the optimistic part of you had noted that he seemed to wear it much more frequently after that.

You weren’t entirely sure what statement you were intending to make by wearing it, but his reaction told you you’d certainly succeeded at provoking something.

Morgan reached back out for the note you were still pretending to read and dropped it in an evidence bag. If he noticed Hotch steaming from the ears next to you, he didn’t say so.

“They’re ready to pack everything up and head back to the lab. Let’s meet ‘em there?”

Everyone nodded in the affirmative and headed back to the SUVs.

“You riding with me?” Morgan asked, nudging your ribs with an elbow.

“No,” Hotch answered for you, an unseen hand suddenly gripping the back of your neck. “She’s not.”

Taglist (message me to be added!): @klinenovakwinchester @stop-drop-and-drumroll @cevanswhre @addie5264 @honeyshores @violentvulgarvolatile @masumiyetimziyanoldu @violetclifford @pipersaccomplice @itsmytimetoodream @groovygoob @captainhyenafan @thebadassbitchqueen @softboystyles @witchcraftandwit @call-me-mrsreid @ssahoodrathotchner @fanficscuziranout @rintheemolion @scrumptiousroadponymoney @iconicc @thelux47 @bellaswanismysoulmate @possum-pancakes @sweatydiplomatshepherdzine @spencers-hoodrat @totalmess191 @sunshine-and-riverwater @sunflowersandotherthings @chelseyjoyce @helloladyvanilla @mac99martin

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mbti-notes · 3 years ago

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Anon wrote: Hello MBTI Notes, ESTJ Female here in early 30s. I got to know about MBTI recently in past 7 8 months and could understand my type as ESTJ.

By looking at ESTJ characteristics and ego development, I think I was either in selfhood mindset or may be even unhealthy ESTJ due to stress in my life that time. It affected my family life. I had tough time at my job, I was labelled as stubborn, can't think of multiple ways for solution, unable to connect with people emotionally etc etc.

I was working with INFP (I have guessed his type) so he did not value much my ability to lead or drive things, attention to details, Analysis and mainly thirst for success. However, emphasized on my weak areas because somehow seeing multiple options and emotional agility was important for him. (I understood now that it's his personality type, not that he did intentionally). Though I left that job and started to work in new place, this experience left me shattered because we worked together for quite long time and I went on mission to find reason behind this misconnect between us. That's how I found MBTI.

Since then, I have read a lot about it and trying to develop my weak functions.

Existing in an environment that doesn't respect or appreciate you is hard on anyone. Being opposites, your colleague was blind to your strengths, while you felt pressured to work in a mode that wasn't natural for you. The positive side to this painful situation? It was an opportunity for you to learn that different people have different strengths and weaknesses, and it's important to respect them and work with them, rather than try to change each other in painful ways. This lesson is necessary for advancing in ego development, in terms of learning to see beyond your own subjective experience of the world. It's good that you've reflected on what happened and want to address your part in the problem - important for Te+Si development. And it's good that you feel motivated to improve your future performance - important for Ne development.

Your posts reg function development and ego development is big help! Few queries related to that,

- Can anyone really develop all 8 functions

In the Function Theory Guide, I state that I do not subscribe to the 8 function stack models. I do not recommend that people attempt to develop their shadow functions, see previous posts on the topic. I also warn people about the dangers of trying to develop the tertiary and inferior functions before they are psychologically ready for it, see the relevant tags for past coverage. So, "no" is the short answer. In my view, trying to develop all 8 functions is unrealistic, a pie in the sky idea, and a misread of what functions are. It can be harmful as well, as I've seen it lead to weird results like type envy, loss of identity, navel gazing, delusions of grandeur, etc. Yes, to improve yourself and your life, you have to think bigger and consider new and better possibilities. However, it is also important to keep the self-improvement process grounded in reality, by first practicing self-acceptance, which includes acceptance of your limitations. Otherwise, you may push yourself too hard or in the wrong directions.

- Does this development depends on age or self awareness and willingness

I'm afraid I don't really understand where this question is coming from because I'm not sure whether you're referring to function development or ego development, since they are separate (but related) matters. A person should develop their functions upon realizing that they keep misusing them and could use them better. This realization can happen at any age. Wanting to realize one's greater potential is the main impetus for personal growth. Ego development is dependent on age only insofar as, culturally and biologically, one is expected to reach certain levels of maturity at a certain age, i.e., there are many invisible forces which encourage ego development to progress in predictable stages. However, one must choose to listen to those forces and go with them. Many people get stuck along the way and stop progressing for various reasons. For instance, some people, upon feeling "shattered", would give up on themselves and become self-indulgent, while others would learn something valuable from it and take steps to improve. We are all individuals, with our own unique path to walk. It's not for us to judge each other. It's better to allow each other to travel the path that is needed for growth, and some paths are just more windy than others. It would be boring if we all walked the same path.

- what should be steps for this development and precautions

Functions are not equivalent to skills, so function development shouldn't be undertaken as "skill building". It's not a race, a competition, or an attempt to live up to a model/ideal. Type development is about gradually growing your awareness of how you use your functions, particularly how you MISUSE your functions, and discovering better, more mature ways to use them to handle the circumstances of your life. What works for you may not work for someone with different circumstances. All I do is provide a general blueprint, the rest is up to you to figure out, as you learn from your own experiences. Start at the top of the functional stack and slowly work your way down.

- How to assess progress on the way

As ESTJ, it should not be difficult for you to pay attention to the results of your choices/actions. Pay closer attention. Any appearance of function misapplications, negative consequences, destructive or harmful patterns, self-sabotage, tertiary loop or inferior grip behavior, psychological defensiveness, resistance against negative feedback, repetitive mistakes, bad choices, and so on, constitute concrete evidence of your progress or lack thereof. These are opportunities to stop and reflect on what you're doing wrong and revive the will to do better, through changing your thinking/behavior to garner more positive results and realize more of your potential. Remember that the dark side of your personality and the negative side of life are your greatest teachers. In reality, you will not always be aware of missteps right away, sometimes not until you get slapped hard in the face. Progress = constantly challenging yourself to get more insight into why you do things, learning to catch missteps earlier and earlier, in hopes that flawed thinking/behavior one day fades into the background and new cognitive strategies are allowed to win out.

Thanks in advance!

You're welcome, hope it helps, and good luck!

#estj #estj relationships #auxiliary si #tertiary ne #development #potential #ask

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professorsnape394 · 4 years ago

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The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Seventeen: Heart or Head?

A/N: This is the seventeenth part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-17 can also be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below or send me a message if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 1756

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

"Severus. Aria. May I speak with you both?" Dumbledore requested the next morning after breakfast.

The two professors exchanged an awkward glance, rising from either ends of the headmaster, unsure of the old wizard's intentions.

The hall bustled with noise, students and teachers alike eager to escape the great hall, enjoying their last day of freedom before yet another week begun.

The trio remained behind, exchanging not a word nor glance, until Dumbledore spoke once more.

"I assume you know what this is about." Albus questioned, his eyes travelling between the pair suspiciously.

Unable to force their eyes to meet the headmaster's, both Severus and Aria's minds began to race. Each of them suspecting that the other had divulged unto him the events of last night.

"I'm afraid not, Headmaster. Care to enlighten us?" Severus finally found the courage to say.

"As I am sure you were both made aware this morning at breakfast, Professor Karkaroff has found himself in a rather unfortunate state." Dumbledore explained, his eyes still surveying their faces through the top of his glasses.

Aria let out a huge sigh of relief, glad that Snape had not humiliated her further. Severus too was more than thankful his employer remained unaware that he had both seduced and rejected his beloved granddaughter in the early hours of the morning.

"What does that have to do with us, Grandfather?" Aria asked innocently, knowing fine well who was responsible for the wound.

"Nothing, as for as I'm aware." Dumbledore hummed. "There is no concrete evidence of what happened to Igor has anything to do with the two of you. However, given that the two of you, along with Professor Karkaroff were significantly late to breakfast, and given the state in which the two of you look, I have my suspicions."

"And what reason would either Miss Dumbledore or myself have for harming the man in question?" Severus retorted. "And surely you must be aware that I, as I always am on October 31st, was in my office until the small hours of this morning. I cannot, however, speak for your granddaughter's whereabouts, and why she looks so uncharacteristically dishevelled this morning."

The potions master glared at his apprentice out the side of his eye. It was the first he had dared to look at her all morning. Her face was bare; clearly she had made no effort to apply a face of makeup this morning, but a slight trace of eyeliner and mascara was still visible around her tired puffy eyes. She had hastily scraped her hair back into a tight ponytail, a half-hearted attempt to salvage her borderline greasy hair. Admittedly it was the worst he had saw her look since their meeting, but even then he could still appreciate her true beauty. Once again Severus Snape found himself getting lost in the woman's features, enchanted by her mere presence.

"The party." She blurted uncontrollably, upon noticing her mentor staring. "The Halloween party, it went on very late. I apologise, I should have been more responsible." She turned to the headmaster.

"Very well. I believe the two of you have very solid alibis, therefore I have no reason to suspect you any longer. As of now Igor is yet to come forward about the incident, so until he does, that is if he does, the two of you are... what's the phrase? 'Off the hook'." Albus said, raising an eyebrow, throwing his hands in the air.

Sensing that the pair were very eager to leave, Dumbledore took his chance to stop them once more.

"I would, however, like to make it known that Igor Karkaroff, along with the rest of Durmstrang school are here as our guests and should be treated with the utmost respect by Hogwarts students and Professors alike. However first and foremost, Aria, you are my granddaughter. And if a problem had to occur, that deserves appropriate repercussions, I should hope that any of my professors would be able to confide in me. And the issue would be dealt with by me, and me only. That being said; is there anything you would like to tell me, my dear granddaughter?"

She remained silent. Her eyes once again falling to the floor.

"And you Severus? You have never lied to me before. Is there anything you have to say on the matter?"

Snape paused for a moment in deliberation, remembering the promise he had once made to obey his employer entirely.

"Like I said. I was in my office all night." He lied, never once looking away, breaking his gaze.

The headmaster looked between the pair, disappointed and frustrated.

"You may go." He sighed.

Taking off in the blink of an eye Professor Snape disappeared from the great hall, his assistant following not far behind.

"Severus, wait." The young professor called out, trying to rush her way past the small clusters of students that filled the halls.

The potions master slowly came to a halt, clearly unsure whether he wanted to hear what she inevitably had to say.

"I want to talk about last night." She confessed, lowering her voice as she caught up with the potions master.

In three large strides Severus Snape turned to the woman, grabbing onto her forearm and walking her backwards into the hard castle wall. It was obvious he was paranoid of anyone, student or staff, overhearing what she was about to say regarding the events of the previous night.

Taken aback by his sudden movements Aria took a moment to catch her breath. Meanwhile Snape had gathered his thoughts on the matter.

"I am unsure of what you are referring to Miss Dumbledore, but as far as the staff are aware we never crossed paths last night, and I would like to keep it that way. Forget about whatever you want to say, anything that may or may not have happened is now considered null and void. Am I making myself perfectly clear?"

Almost instantly Aria found herself becoming defensive in the face of the Professor's aggression. She had come to him with heartfelt intentions, but she'd be damned if she allowed another man to walk all over her again. She was quickly tiring of Severus' yo-yoing insight on their friendship.

"Do not tell me what I can and cannot say, Professor." Aria said, ripping her arm from her colleague's grasp. "However much you'd like to erase the of memory of the two of us, at this moment in time it remains a reality, and I have something to say on the matter. I will not let you silence me for nothing but your own benefit."

"Very well." Snape huffed, slightly impressed that she had stood up to him. "Say what you have to say, if you must, but be quick about it, I would like to enjoy the last day of the weekend without you pestering me for once."

"I wanted to apologise." The witch admitted, raising her head to lock eyes with her mentor.

Snape cocked an eyebrow curiously, silently permitting her to go on.

"I want to apologise for... for try to take things a bit too far last night. I shouldn't have expected you to... well, you know." She shrugged, eyes darting below Snape's belt.

"There is no need for an apology, Miss Dumbledore. After all, it was I who initiated the whole... situation. Like I said, I would prefer if it could be forgotten about to entirely."

"But Severus I- "

Snape held up a palm, signalling for her to stop.

"It was a mistake." He insisted. "You were drunk, Aria, and I took advantage, it was wrong of me. Besides, you're in a relationship, and I would very much appreciate if I were to remain entirely uninvolved in any of your possible drama."

Aria's multiple attempts at interrupting went unsuccessful. Snape was adamant that he wanted to forget the whole thing, therefore it was clear to Aria any attempt at convincing him otherwise would be futile. Sensing the finality in his tone Miss Dumbledore took a step away from him, letting him go.

"Just one last thing." She blurted, causing Severus to pause halfway down the corridor. "We broke up. Just, if that means anything to you."

Aria waited hopefully for him to turn back to face her, but he never did. It was clear he had heard her but had chose not to acknowledge her words as he disappeared into the labyrinth that is Hogwarts.

Once again Severus Snape found himself consumed in thoughts of his assistant. Ever since his lips touched hers he couldn't get his mind off of her. With no idea what had come over him to make a move, he was sure she would reject him. But when he found that no only had she returned his kiss, but was willing to go further, panic set in.

He wanted nothing more than to let her do it. To just let her hands wander freely over his naked body, allowing him to do the same to her. He could have had her right there in his office if he wanted, but he was scared. Scared that he was right about what he said all those weeks ago in the Three Broomsticks, or scared that she would change her mind all together, but mostly he was scared that after it all, if she did actually go through with it that is, she still had a boyfriend and he would inevitably be tossed aside, forgotten and rejected all at once.

So, he convinced her, and himself, that it had all been one drunken mistake, and that it meant nothing to him. He refused to let her think for one second that he feelings of any kind for her. He would not allow himself to be humiliated by her of all people.

It would all have gone just as he had planned if Aria hadn't said those few words. 'We broke up'. Why did she tell him that? What difference did it make to him? Was she trying to get in his head? Or was she trying to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear?

Deliberating over the meaning of her confession kept the potions master preoccupied all day. In his heart he wanted to believe that she felt just as he did. But his head told him no one would ever be able to love a beast like him.

Soon enough all of Snape's uncertainty was to be put to rest by a single knock at the door.

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