#also if anyone has advice on this i'd appreciate it

[cultivating-wildflowers]

🎤

[cat-at-a-writing-desk]

I think at least one of my fics got hit by the ai scrape on ao3. I am genuinely considering switching them from public to private, but I also see a lot of guests interact with my fics so....uuuuuuugh

These fucking scrapes are going to make me lose my damn mind

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi, I hope this is an okay question to ask. I am s l o w l y exploring and learning what kinds of kinks I like. I’m drawn to taboo kinks and I’m really curious about ageplay, but I’m worried that if I open the door to letting that be hot, I’m going to start seeing actual kids as hot. Obviously that doesn’t mean I would do anything about it, but I’m still not sure I want that in my head. Is there any truth in this fear? Could that happen?

well much in the same way that the majority of pup players aren't trying to hump real labradors on the street, D&D players generally aren't running around pulling swords on random shopkeepers, and my years doing Warriors Cats rp online never made me want to live in the woods pissing in the dirt and eating mice, I suspect that what you're attracted to is the safety of fantasy and play rather than the actual, literal thing. pretty big line between those two things, actually, and most people are pretty clear on the difference between stuff that's made up and harmless and stuff that's really really bad. I use this example often, but I assure you that my abiding love of Batman using his billions of dollars to dick around doing lawless bullshit has not softened my feelings on Elon Musk in the slightest.

I assume that, like most well-adjusted adults, you aren't attracted to children. what you're into is, presumably, adults acting in ways that are characterized as immature, carefree, cutesy, helpless, bratty, etc, and the dynamic of those playacting adults might have with others who take the role of their caregivers. that is... so, so, so far removed from being attracted to an actual human child. I don't know if you've ever actually, like, hung out with kids, but they're pretty different than adults. I mean obviously they're little humans who have their own opinions and ideas and personalities and have a right to autonomy and making their own decisions as much as is safely possible, but they are REALLY different from age appropriate, sexually compatible adults. someone doing ageplay is, like, a million miles from an actual kid.

it's kind of like how when Riverdale was on I'd see gifs of that insane redheaded lesbian and go "yeah, she's hot." like, sure, the character's a teenager, but that actress is an adult woman who's only two years younger than me and we all know that. the idea of fucking an actual teenager is vile. even if I were to see someone and have an initial aesthetic appreciation, the second they open their mouth and start saying 17 year old things the attraction is gone because I've realized that's a child.

(no offense to the teens in the room! you're great and I'm sure your 17 year old stuff is really important to you! but adults should not want to fuck you, is the point.)

so what I'm saying is: seems unlikely!

also, okay. let's assume the absolute worst case scenario happens and you experience a twinge of sexual interest towards a child. that's understandably alarming; that's not an urge most people want to harbor within themselves. that may require some dialing back from ageplay, or a chat with a kink-friendly mental health professional, or seeking out some community and advice from others in your kink scene who may have struggled with something similar. but please, give yourself some credit: you have some shred of impulse control within your body, yes? you're not going to make the leap from having a thought to being an active child predator in one fell swoop. the choice to harm a child, or to seek out pornographic material of child sexual abuse, are still choices that you would have to actually make. and it's making those choices to do harm that actually make child abusers a danger, not just having thoughts. having a thought all by itself doesn't hurt anyone; it's the way you act on it that has the potential to cause harm.

but again, I want to emphasize, sexual behavior is by and large a pretty easy wire not to get crossed with other things. please note the brave billions of people who manage to get through every day without groping their colleagues and random strangers because they understand it's not the appropriate time, place, or partner!

[icarusfrommars]

My brother and I once got high together and sat on my porch, just chatting as brothers do late into the night. About all sorts of dumb shit it doesn't even really matter. There's nobody else in the world who I can just shoot shit with as well as him. And probably nobody else I can be as real with.

I don't even remember what the conversation was about, or what I said to prompt this response, but at some point, while we both sat on my broken ass futon, he turned to me and asked me a question directly to my face.

"Wait, dude, are you trans?"

And at that very moment my mind flashed back to so many different memories. Wondering about how different it would be if I were born a girl while taking too long in the shower, doing multiple streams where I wore a maid outfit as a joke, and, of course, back to that day in middle school when that girl turned to me the same way my brother had, looked me in the eyes, and put a thought in my head that I've lived with for 10 years.

"You would be pretty as a girl."

I don't think that she knew how that would affect me. I don't think I did either. But something about the way she said it, the way she looked at me for a moment and smiled softly before implanting this persistent quote in my head felt like... like she had peered into something deep inside and extracted it through my eyes.

And now, once again, my internal thoughts were being challenged, this time by my brother.

"I mean, it's cool if you are like nothing's gonna change-"

"No." I told him. And I believed it. And I still do believe it. I was born a boy, I had lived as a boy, and I was comfortable with my life remaining that way. I felt no need to discard my birth gender because, well, it had served me just fine for 22 years.

And yet, hesitation. I was high, sure, but still there was something deep down that wanted me to remember all those small thoughts and tiny moments of uncertainty.

We changed the subject. I don't remember to what. I don't even remember if this conversation was real or not or if it was just a dream. But it's another moment that sticks with me, lingering in my head. Another second in time that I should have forgotten by now but I haven't. Because I can't. Because I can't shake the feeling of "what if?" Even if I'm not trans. Even if I come out the other side of whatever weird funk I'm in right now and declare that I am not trans, there's still the "what if's" in my head.

A week ago I had a dream where I was outside of my body, looking at myself like I was on the other side of a mirror. Someone else was there and my head was turned away from me. My hair was long and done up, and the other person was applying something to my face. They turned the chair around and I looked at myself from my side of the mirror and I saw myself but my face was completely done up in makeup. Lips, eyebrows, eyes, everything. Nothing super fancy or drag-esque. Just, like, a normal looking makeup routine. I looked at him and something inside clicked into place. A gear turned for the first time in a long time and even though both he and I fully understood ourselves as a boy, we looked at what we could have been as a girl and we both felt like that feeling was... right.

He and I locked eyes. I remembered the middle school girl's words.

She smiled.

Then I woke up.

I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards until I finally crashed around sunrise just to have some energy for work the next day.

And now for the last week I've been scrambling my brain trying to make any sense of myself at all. Trying to figure out what the fuck I am or if I even want to be anything. It's frustrating and confusing and ridiculously dramatic.

But most of all, it's terrifying.

And most of all, it's incredible.

And most of all, it's sickening.

And most of all, it's right.

It's right there. It's there.

I don't know what it is or what it will look like but there is something there. It's something that has festered since I was too young to understand. It's something that I don't think I'll ever understand or even want to. But what I can't do is ignore it any longer.

And she was right, too.

I would look pretty as a girl.

I am once again thinking about that girl in middle school who looked me in the eyes and then said "You would be a pretty girl."

[kings-highway]

haikyuu ship headcanons except i forgot to think of a theme so they're all unrelated

daisuga: absolutely they casually kissed sometime before confessing to each other. Either as a joke/gag between friends, a dare, or maybe for some kind of student film/stage production, their first (romantic) kiss is definitely not their first kiss. Its probably not even their second. I'd hesitate to say third.

iwaoi: Iwa uses Oikawa being "needy" as an excuse to hide his introvertism. Makki and Mattsun are trying to drag him over to play video games for the 3rd time that week so Iwa's just "ahh, can't, Oikawa's already mad I ditched him the last few nights. You know what he's like, he gets so whiny if I don't give him attention," and meanwhile Oikawa is waiting for him by the gate like "alright I'll walk you home so the lie holds up, but you're giving our friends a bad impression of me and I don't appreciate that."

tsukkiyama: yamaguchi decided he was going to marry tsukki very young and tsukki did not get a say in this. like I'm thinking 11 years old and yamaguchi is daydreaming like "yeah. im gonna make him my husband." concidentally this is also why he doesnt get jealous of girls confessing to tsukki because he has this incredible internal conviction that they'll be married one day. basically he spends the next decade of his life wooing him over and playing the longest game ever and it works. tsukki never realizes exactly how young he was put into yamaguchi's trap.

ushiten: tendou was absolutely downright plagued by sex dreams starring Ushijima in their second year and into their third year and this was incredibly alarming for him because he had never even had a crush on anyone before, nor a dream like that previously, and he hadn't even consciously realized he had any attraction towards him beforehand. well thats one way to figure out you have a crush. and that you're gay.

kagehina: wrong culture but I think these two would fucking nail the promposal thing in theory, but they'd be competing with each other to see who could prompose first and theyd be so caught up in avoiding the other person's so that they could be the one to do it that they'd never actually ask each other to prom and then theyd have to go together but technically alone because they never asked. like theyve been dating for 2 years they both knew theyd say yes, they simply did not let the other ask because they wanted to do it.

matsuhana: they would both deny it with their whole chest, but they actually look up to Oikawa and Iwa as a couple, and will often default to asking them for advice. Even when its really complicated stuff, they trust their judgement. Mattsun and Makki met in high school, so they've always been really jealous of the long, childhood best friend thing and want to be able to know each other that well.

[thumblrdotcom]

I very much don't like doing this, but I need help

So, I'm very much in the negatives of the negatives money wise, so much so that the bank won't even let me get more in debt even if I tried to. I owe around 100USD in present and future overdraft fees to the bank (if you're not brasilian, that's like 1/3 of the monthly minimum wage) and that's how much help I need, and if I don’t get this solved now, it sill snowball and screw me over more every month, basically.

And I need help getting out of that, but since I hate hate hate asking for help without giving anything back, I won't post a paypal link or something like that. What I can ask is that if you want to help me monetarily, check out my itch page at danolibel.itch.io and maybe buy one of my games? I'd love for you to do so. If you want to help me and can't monetarily, maybe reblog this? And send my page to your friends, that would be really helpful. Please help a trans girl get out of her debt hole 🙏🏻

(Also, like, minor thing but, if anyone has advice on how to make an itch page look better, I'd appreciate it LOL)

[wonyscafe]

astro appreciation

⋆ ˚｡ ୨୧

☆ my undying love for virgo moons is so intense, you guys are such good listeners and have the perfect advice... you're also so freaking talented!!

★ I once dated a 0 degree aries venus and yes it was short but I have never felt more loved than those 2 months

☆ you gemini placements especially gemini suns always know how to make people connect w each other without even trying too hard, it just happens

★ I'd like to make a quick moment to appreciate all the aquarius moons out there, I've noticed how you can make anyone laugh even during the hardest times

☆ also omg leo risings!! you hype people up and I love u for it!!

★ to all the 12H people out there: your questions are not weird or strange. they're interesting and original. don't let others stop you from asking intriguing questions

☆ also aquarius suns have so much rizz and y'all don't even notice it

★ I will never get tired of listening to a fire/9H mercury. you speak with so much passion about certain topics

☆ all the people I know who have libra sun/moon are so trustworthy during fights. like they will not break your trust, and if they are, they'll 100% receive their karma for it. and they know this. and they're smart so chances are very high that they'll be trustworthy

★ IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS BUT GOSSIPING W GEMINI VENUS IS SO FUN BRO WHAT

☆ if you ever see someone w pisces placements, don't look into their eyes. you'll literally get lost in them.

★ every single taurus I know is so cozy, like they will legit treat you like a royal if you set foot into their house I'm so serious

☆ the people who have the best rational advice in my opinion, are capricorn mercuries. they come off as an authority figure but I really like that energy. they're just really wise idrk how to explain it...

★ if you have scorpio placements you deal with jealousy SO MUCH bc you're literally so attractive. like the energy you radiate intimidates others in a way that they get jealous of you

☆ I'm telling you sags are the best travel buddies EVERRR me and my sag friends go to different countries or cities everytime we hangout and it's so much fun like???

★ ok but cancer moons. like that's it that's everything THEYRE everything.

☆ something ab 10H placements and being the literal human embodiment of the devil wears prada

★ ok biased but virgo placements >>> something ab them is just so hot like

↳ a/n : I'm definitely not done yet bc MAN I LOVE SO MANY PLACEMENTS!!! but now your girl has to study for her ecology, biology and chemistry exams </3 wish me luck y'all I'm ALMOST DONE!!! have a wonderful day or night 𖹭

[creatingblackcharacters]

hi! long time listener, first time caller - before i get to my questions i wanted to thank you for making this blog, it's an excellent resource and i appreciate the work you've put into it. you've got a great tone for academic writing, your posts are very accessible without feeling like they're simplifying the topics discussed. first off, i'm working on worldbuilding for a fantasy setting and while my main focus has been on the usual medieval European inspiration i want to incorporate other cultures into it, but i'm wary of appropriation - i've thought about taking inspiration from African cultures and folklore, though i'd also be interested in including African American elements as well. are there any things on that front you'd like to see in a fantasy setting? any things you'd want avoided or left alone? secondly, i have a character who spends most of the story in a human form but is secretly a dragon shapeshifting as a human. as a human she appears as a Black woman, and i have a few concerns about some implications that could arise from that: the main thing that worries me is that her being non-human is an important part of her character, specifically that she struggles to understand human emotions and socialization - she's very smart in an academic sense but struggles when it comes to relating to others, mainly due to the fact that she's lived for thousands of years which makes human problems seem trivial due to how short-term they are to her. she does care about people, but their shorter lifespans also make her wary of growing too close to anyone - a large part of her character arc is her starting to care about another character (also a Black woman) and becoming invested in her life despite how much shorter it'll be in comparison. sorry for how long this got, i really appreciate any advice you have and i hope you're having a good day.

I wouldn't say there's anything I'd want to see- at least not from a nonblack author, tbh- but if you want to do your reading on Black American folklore, I would highly suggest looking into this at your library:

I grew up on this book!

Was a huge fan of Anansi, a Ghanian folklore figure whose stories made it throughout the diaspora. Brer Rabbit used to stress me out, which was the point so 🤣

As for your next section, I assume you've read the rest of my lessons, and all I can really say is apply. There's nothing you've said that wouldn't work the same as any nonblack character in that specific scenario. As you ask yourself about your character's motivations, ask yourself how it would be perceived under the scope of Blackness, and if that's something you are capable of addressing with care!

[olderthannetfic]

Does anyone have any tips on how to start writing by hand again? Not, from, like, a motor skills issue, but more from like a...focus issue/ADHD lens i guess?

I earnestly haven't written anything by hand in years. (I mean I still writes notes to myself and things like that but I mean writing in the creative sense.) Typing is faster for me, as it is for most people, but like, I USED to be able to write stories by hand! I want to get back into it because when I write on a device I'm too tempted to switch tabs and bullshit around on social media or games. Which is also an issue yes lol but for now I just want to fix a symptom, not a problem. I want to write again! I want to do it high school detention style, electronics locked away in another room and I just gotta write by hand! I want my hand to be cramping so badly by the time I'm done that when I crack my wrist I cry! Ok...maybe not that intense. But :P

This is either gonna sound really weird or really normal, but -- I feel like my brain is too fast for my hands. Or my hand is too slow for my brain. I just legit do not have the patience to write anything longform.

How do y'all recommend I get back into it and retrain myself? Should I maybe start with transcribing an already-typed fic? Should I start off with annotating books (if you're the type of person who thinks no one should ever write in books, pretend I said "take notes on a separate piece of paper", ok?) Obviously i know to start small and not try to immediately become Victor Hugo or anything like that, but I am wondering if anyone has any general advice on retraining that muscle.

I did go on google and reddit to try to find stuff but I guess I don't have the Search Engine Fu to word what I'm trying to say (most of the articles and posts were about, like, PT, or how to be less sloppy, and stuff) or it just seemed too...fluffy. Like "write in a pretty notebook uwu use your favorite pen!" Or just general focus/writing advice (quiet space etc) and not specifically on the Very Basic Skill of writing by hand, which is fair, lol. Plus honestly I'd rather get feedback from people I "know" even if it's just anonymously through fandom kvetching :)

I'd prefer tips specifically from someone who has genuinely retrained themself at this or at something that requires similar cognitive skills (I've worded that way too medically for such a silly problem ha i know), but obviously all input is appreciated!

--

My brain is definitely too fast for my hands. I usually prefer to type for that reason when I'm writing fiction, but I did just start using a new notebook with lovely mushrooms on it. I'm planning my porch redecoration/repainting, a bunch of knitting, decluttering, etc.

My biggest piece of advice is to get a really good pen. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it does need to have ink that flows beautifully. A frustrating pen is the death knell of getting anything done.

Anything that the shiny-light-chasing brain squirrels are supposed to calm down enough to do regularly can be built up to. It requires consistency. Set aside time every day. Treat it like those meditation exercises where the objective is less about never having a stray thought and more about coming back to the practice and re-clearing your mind every time it wanders.

[cripplecharacters]

one of the main characters of my story is Deaf, and because the story is set in a very small town, he doesn't really have any chance to connect with Deaf culture, so should i change that?

his parents are divorced, and he used to live with his mum, who's also Deaf, but has been living with his hearing dad for a while now in this small town. the story kind of focuses on a theme of isolation in small towns, so my current plan is to show how he's isolated from the rest of the town because they don't bother to learn sign language to communicate with him. the other main character, is his best friend, has learned sign language, so he can communicate with her and his dad (there's some other people who know very basic signs but aren't really putting in the effort if that makes sense)

is it better if i acknowledge that living in this very small, isolated town means that he is cut off from Deaf culture (especially compared to when he used to live with his mum) and ergo doesn't really fit into the rest of the town. i want to make it clear that it's on the town for expecting him to assimilate and not use sign language, all because they don't want to learn yk?

any advice in this is appreciated!!!

Hi!

Why doesn't he live with his mom anymore? Is there times he can go back to her and the Deaf community he (presumably) has there?

Also consider when this story is set. If it's modern day, there are so many ways to connect to people online, so he wouldn't be entirely cut off from his community.

The thing about small towns is people will know him, as the Deaf person. Consider what that attitude will be like. Will people be understanding and know, even if they're not willing to learn sign, to get out a pencil and paper for him? Or will the attitude be more condescending, infantilizing, or unwilling to accommodate in any way?

Another thing to consider in small towns is access to accessibility resources. Is he able to get interpreters? Are they qualified? If he can't access qualified interpreters, what accommodations is he being provided?

Community is important, and especially depending on these factors, your character will react differently. If he genuinely cannot connect with anyone else in his town, what are the consequences? Is he depressed? Does he seek out online community? etc.

I'd also like you to consider: why are you isolating your Deaf character? Deafness in a hearing setting on its own can be a huge isolator, without even factoring in the "small town with no other signers" part. Is there a reason he's been separated from his community?

You don't necessarily have to change your story, but there are several more aspects you should consider to figure out exactly how your Deaf character goes through his daily life.

Mod Rock

[andromeda-nova-writing]

Hate at first sight - Alhaitham Requested by @isekyaaa

Contains suggestive lines for the sake of a joke

“Tighnari, You know anyone who could translate this?” She brought over the book to him. It was an old book she found while cleaning up her grandpa’s house. A book in a foreign language that her grandpa had forgotten over the years leaving its contents unknown to his family. “It’s supposed to be an heirloom.”

Tighnari looked over the book she had handed to him. A language that was unrecognizable to him but recognizable in that he had seen one of his friends reading a book in what looked to be a similar language. “I know a guy. If you're free tonight you might have a chance to get it translated or at least be pointed in the right direction.”

“Why tonight?"

“Cyno made a new deck again. Your translator should be there.”

“I forgot you have game nights with the General Mahamatra. I shouldn't take up too much of your time. Well as long as this translater of yours is good at their job.”

“He is. Just know he can be a little blunt. Though little may be an understatement. And with Kaveh there, don't be surprised if you see some sort of argument.”

“You're friends must be a lively bunch. Wait Kaveh is the one with blonde hair right? He was the one who was here two weeks ago?” She asked making sure her memory was correct.

“He was. Why?”

“He gave me advice on what rug I should pick. He didn't even see where it would go and gave me perfect advice. I really would like to thank him. My living room actually feels like a separate room even though it's an open floor plan.”

“I'm sure he'll appreciate it.”

-

It was nice to say hello to Cyno even though she didn’t know that super well. Most of her knowledge came from Tighnari mentioning him. But that and the fact she didn’t talk to him much meant that she really didn’t know him. It was entertaining to hear a few of his jokes though. The juxtaposition of the wordplay with how stoic his delivery was may have been the only reason she enjoyed them though.

While Kaveh acted as if he had known her for their entire lives. He was warm and welcoming. But also the moment she thanked him it was like he became a second sun in the room. He was extremely giving, offering to give her home interior design advice any time. It was evident in his face and how he spoke how much he appreciated the thanks even if it was just over what shape of rug to get.

It was enjoyable to be around all three of them. Though as nice as their company was it wasn't the reason she Had followed Tighnari along to his game night With his friends at the tavern. She still had a book in her bag that needed to be translated and there was no translator in sight.

“Tighinari, are you sure your translator is supposed to be here?”

“I’m sure he’ll show.”

“Translator?” Kaveh asked before his smile evaporated away. “You’re here for Al Haitham?”

“That’s a first,” Cyno commented.

“Well, now my translator has a name. But yes.” She pulled the book out of her bag. “My grandpa said it’s a family heirloom but no one in my family can even read it. Tighnari said that he’d be able to translate it for me.”

“At a horrible cost though. You couldn't have just sent her in the direction of the Akademiya?” Kaveh asked, being quite dramatic about the situation.

“I'd rather have someone that Tighnari trusts than some I don't know who. The book is an heirloom after all.”

“It will be fine,” Tighnari reassured, he pointed at the door. “Even then, he’s here.”

Al Haitham made his way over to their table. He sat down at the table already looking annoyed at who knows what.

Tighnari was kinda enough to briefly explain the situation to him along with a basic introduction. Even though Al Haitham had agreed to translate he looked as if Y/N's simple request was asking too much. Maybe a frown was just permanently etched into his face.

Al Haitham held the book looking over the cover. “To count the ways.” He translated the cover before flipping through the pages. His eyes widen skimming through the contents. He looked over at Y/N who looked brimming with excitement to learn what was in the book. “This is just erotica.”

Cyno slowly placed the cards in his hands on the table now fully paying attention to what was unfolding in front of him. Kaveh choked on his wine only for Tighnari to pat his back as he coughed. 

Y/N’s face dropped. “It's a heirloom. It’s been in my family longer than my grandpa has been alive. It can’t be. You must be mistranslating it.” She reasoned.

“Your heirloom is in an old form of a Fontaine language. A language I’ve been reading since I was 17. Do you want me to translate it aloud for you?” His words were an insult and a challenge to her.

“If you know it so well then could you give me a real translation.”

Al Haitham rolled his eyes opening the book back up. “Her eyes widen at the sight of his toned chest. In a frantic haze of want she quickly moved to help remove his belt excited to see the sight of his-”

Y/N snatched the book from his hands. Her face was warm with embarrassment. “It was nice talking with you three but I have to go.” She politely excused herself from others before turning to face Al Haitham. “You could drown in a ditch for all I care.”

[justfreakynothingelse]

Okay. So. We pretty much all know that Mortarion is ~probably~ desperate for just about any sort of positive recognition.

However. I would propose that he's particularly desperate for female attention (not necessarily sexual or anything - just in general). Why? The scene from The Buried Dagger (pg 296) where he frees a teenage girl who was trapped beneath a broken wagon.

(Note: though called a child here, she is stated as a teenager on the previous page. Mortarion is called a youth during this part of his backstory, so I peg them as fairly comparable, in their own developments)

What does any of that have to do with him wanting female attention?

This is the first individual he's stated as wondering their opinion of him. Before Calas. Before the townsfolk. Calas outright says some opinions of him when they first meet ("...hollow-eyed death dealer" and such), but Mortarion didn't ask. His thoughts aren't shown as wondering such things. Things like 'who told you I'd help?' and 'How do you know my name?' but no wondering about opinions.

I will note, too, that Mortarion, later in The Buried Dagger, calls the same person, now an adult, "...hard in the face but still a beauty." (pg 374) This also goes to show that he does, in fact, have a concept of beauty – contrary to what some people seem to think. It may not be important to him, but he does, or at least can, notice and appreciate it.

Another reason I think he may, on some level, yearn for female attention is because, bluntly put, a lot of the men in his life have been... Not Great. He has a lot of men he cares for, yes; his Legion in particular. Not really any women noted, other than Cinis in his primarch novel (but tbh I don't like his primarch novel much). Too, I think women might be... 'separate enough,' from the terrors of his past that he doesn’t feel as pressured. There's not the same competition there. Not another unwanted father or brother. He can just be.

Anyway, hopefully that all makes sense. I love this terribly sad and broken man and I want to make him soup.

And before anyone gets going about him just being a hardass: yeah, he kinda is. But he's not a total dick about it. Time after time we see generosity and kindness from him towards the people of Barbarus in this book, and, over time, the same from them to him. He didn't have to save her. He didn't have to help the people of Heller's Cut harvest their wheat. He chose to. Against the advice of Calas and against how the people of Heller's Cut had treated him. Time and again he chooses to help. He is tired and broken and bitter, and made so much moreso by the coming of the Emperor and the Great Crusade. But he's not heartless; at least not when he was on Barbarus. He is, or was, far kinder than anyone seems to see him as. He wants kindness and love and has no clue how to ask for it, and after joining the GC, he pretty much never gets any. 'Oh, the Emperor tried!' Yeah, after goading him into failure and rendering impossible what is literally stated as Mortarion's #1 life goal by killing Necare instead of finding some way to hobble him and let Mortarion recover. Mortarion had every reason to be suspicious of him and every reason to hate him.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

So I am AuDHD, and I work part time. (I should also mention I have a generalized anxiety disorder and depression if that helps for context.) I'm already 30 now but I still live with my parents. I don't have or make enough money to move out. I know that if I attempted to work a full time job I'd just be in constant shutdown or burnout, and even if I somehow managed to survive at a job for like a month or so it would all eventually come tumbling down. My dad says I either need to work full time or learn a skill that pays more (I guess going to college? But that costs money too). I just don't know what to do, I've been applying for government aid for years now and they keep saying no. I'm not sure if you or anyone has any words of reassurance or help for this kind of thing, but I figured if anyone would understand it's other people who are autistic/ADHD etc. Idk, thinking about it stresses me out and I feel like I'm trapped no matter what I try to do, like there's no good ending. Sorry for the long ask btw 😅

Hi there,

I would try to work part time first and see where that goes. If it doesn’t go well, you can always go back to school and try to see what skills you’re good at and then search for a job.

This is coming from a person who has never had a job, so I barely know things about employment.

Maybe some of my followers have some tips or advice?

I’m sorry if I couldn’t answer your question. But I appreciate the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[chimkennuggies]

Again with the Raphael x Cazador agenda bc I'm still losing my mind over them‼️‼️‼️

Anyway, thought I'd share some headcanons bellow the cut as well:

- I just KNOW they both have hour long conversations about some play they've seen or book they've read. Their taste is similar in that aspect.

- Raphael knows about Lady Incognita's books (that's canon btw) and mentioned it to Cazador once, who instantly started ranting about how the girl didn't appreciate the "gift" (he doesn't appreciate it either if you think about all that datamined/beta stuff + how much he just wants to be "normal" BUT he is also a hypocrite sooo), also, he used to give advice to her whenever he found one of her drafts.

- In a modern setting Raphael would probably be like those annoying filmbros who doesn't stfu about some niche film they've seen and Cazador would be the same with some celtic metal group that has like 24 monthly listeners (kinda projecting in this one, I'm both).

- They would talk shit about anyone + if they go to some ball together after the first 40 minutes they'll probably end up talking only to each other.

- On the hc that both of them are trans, Cazador hasn't had any operations and isn't on t (although it's not bc he's comfortable in his own body but bc he doesn't want to have anything to do with it, he just prefers to live with an idealized version he made on his head after centuries of not seeing his reflection), Raphael is literally the opposite, he has had all the operations and has been on t since he ran away from Cania, hating the self he left behind.

- Now, some shoutouts to the fact that they're both SO AWFUL, I love them being so so toxic.

- Cazador usually doesn't like being touched and Raphael just thrives on being an asshole so he's always breaking the man's boundaries. PDA in the worst possible way.

- Cazador enjoys to compare Raphael to his father because he finds it extremely entertaining the fact that he takes it at heart and gets so offended by it (he knows how much the other has suffered because of his progenitor).

- Cazador having scars on his body from before being a vampire and Raphael biting them‼️‼️

-Raphael listening to Cazador talking shit about all of Raphael's features he despises just to make him even more insecure (let's be real, Raphael is SO fucking self-conscious, because there's no way all his paintings and Haarlep themself being so completely different to his real self is a normal trait).

- Both of them being prone to violence and fighting for every minor disagreement would make them the worst neighbors possible ngl.

- Raphael having the lower canines really really sharp while Cazador has the cuspid canines being almost razor-edged, iykyk.

Lastly, here are some songs I associate w/ them because I haven't seen any playlist include these:

Cazador:

Rule #34 - Fish in a Birdcage

Femtex - Therapy?

Never Wanted to Dance - MSI

Under the Spell - Me And That Man

Heel On The Shovel - 16 Horsepower

Raphael:

The Hell Of It - Paul Williams

Low Estate - 16 Horsepower

Nunemaker's Parable - Everybody's Worried About Owen

You're So Vain - Carly Simon

Bensonhurst Blues - Oscar Benton

An this one is just bc I find it quite funny but Mi Gran Noche from Raphael (the spanish singer) is quite iconic ngl.

[amaranthinespirit]

scoobywrites690 blatantly stole your loser!könig writing :(

thank you, my dear, unfortunately, they have. i found their post a few days ago while scrolling on tumblr, and my friend sent them a message in their inbox, and if they didn't take it down (which they didn't of course), then i'd say something.

it is upsetting to see because if you look through their other posts, you can see they also take writing from other blogs. one of their posts i do recognize, but i can't find the original post or blog it came from after searching.

other than making a post about it, like this one, i don't know what else to do about it, but the posts are side by side below the cut. i've been busy with preparing for finals and such so i haven't given the situation much attention either.

again, thank you, anon, and anyone else who has brought this to my attention, you're all very lovely <3 any advice is appreciated, i'm not very good with confrontation or talking with people at all so i'm just not quite sure what to do. bye, babes <3

[fairyminnie444]

hi love,

Do you have any advice for celebrity sps? Mine is at the peak of his career, and of course even though I'm really happy for him i get conflicted over seeing him doing so well in the 3D "without me" while my 3d is still catching up, and not just love wise, but success wise too.

I'm happy and envious and anxious about the version of him in the reflection at the same time, like I'm missing out on celebrating and spending time with him. I don't mean to feel like my imagined ideal version of him who is actually interested in me and wants me isn't real or is somehow inferior or not enough compared to the reflected version of him, but sometimes I feel like theres this unknownness because of the reflected version of him. like the reflected version is out of reach, and it makes me question if my ideal imagined version of him is really the real one real and mine while the reflected version isnt in my social sphere and etc. I know i have him and he's mine, not just in the 4d but 3d 5d all ds, really, since there isnt separation and creation is finished, but sometimes I see or think about the shadow of him in the 3d and feel like since that version of him is seemingly out of reach and happy doing his own thing, enjoying his success, with plenty of people "closer" to him to choose from near or in his industry to date. Almost like if the 3d version of him is seemingly so well off without me and not near me, how could I possibly expect the 3d to reflect my imagined version of him soon, or at all? I sorta question if my imagined version of him is indeed the real and only relevant version given how seemingly different and distant the "two" ver of him are.

If you have any advice about this, feeling like there's a lot of distance or difference between your imagined celebrity sp and the reflected version of them, I'd appreciate it. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like the version of him in my imagination is truly real and overrules whatever version of him my senses are seeing in the 3d. I've also never dated before so it's hard for me to imagine spending time with him or going on dates due to both my seeming lack of physical experience and him being an a-list celebrity since i like privacy.

Any posts or advice you have to recommend about feeling and truly accepting your imagined version of anyone or yourself is the real deal, not whatever is in the reflection while the reflection catches up, would be really helpful. Hopefully this ask isn't completely redundant compared to others you've answered or pinned

Hiii ❤️

Your imagined version of him is the real one. The “celebrity SP” you see in the 3D is just an old reflection of past assumptions—he has no free will apart from what you assume about him. The only reason he seems distant, out of reach, or busy without you is because you’re still holding onto a perspective where he exists separately from you. But he doesn’t. He’s already yours, because you are the operant power.

Think about it: your imagination is the only reality. The version of him you imagine—the one who loves you, prioritizes you, and wants to be with you—is the one that will solidify in your 3D once you stop wavering. The only reason the “celebrity version” feels different is because you’re seeing the world from an old perspective where you two are not together yet. But that’s not the truth. The truth is you already have him.

The key is to stop giving the 3D version of him more weight than your assumed version. If you see a headline about him or a picture that triggers you, remind yourself: That’s just an old reflection. He’s mine. I already know the truth. Don’t entertain doubts about “if” it will happen. Instead, shift into knowing it already has.

As for struggling to imagine dating him because you’ve never dated before—forget the “how.” The mind doesn’t need experience to create. Just focus on the feeling of being loved by him, spending time together, and knowing you are the one he adores. If you don’t know how a date with him would go, imagine the emotions—his attention on you, his voice, the feeling of being with him. Let your imagination take the lead.

Let go of the version of him that feels distant and claim the version that is already yours. Every time you feel doubt, remind yourself: He is mine. I am the only one in control here. The more you persist in this assumption, the more 3D will reflect it back to you.