#also idk if side-effects is the right word i'm tired

[lunabug2004]

Isn't it crazy that in s2 Dr. Owens literally says that one of the main side-effects of having PTSD is personality changes and lashing out, then people still wonder what's “wrong” with Mike for the next 3 seasons?

[orchidsangel]

"NORMAL" FOR YOU (JASON TODD)

notes/cw ~ GN!reader, fluff, minorish angst (idk to me it's minor), has been renamed, (also this is only my second time ever writing in second person, i'm still learning so plz cut me some slack)

It’s 4:36 in the morning when the soft thud of boots landing on the fire escape outside your apartment interrupts the sleep you were finally starting to slip into; and it’s 4:37 when the window in your bedroom is pried open by large gloved hands, followed by the maneuvering of a large figure through said window.

Even with increased agility from years of training, he still manages to knock over a couple of the trinkets occupying your windowsill; and even though you can feel how tired he is from feet away, he still picks each item up off the floor, examining the objects for cracks or breaks before placing them back in their rightful spots.

“I don’t know why you keep coming through that window.” Drowsiness drips from your voice, but you know it’s nothing compared to what he’s feeling. “I cleared off the one in the living room to avoid this exact situation.” 

“Coming in this way is just better.” 

“Yeah, maybe for you, but not for my stuff.” 

A breathy laugh escapes his lips, and he walks over to your side of the bed, placing his knee on the edge and his hands beside your head. His palms dig into the plush cotton of the pillows and blankets around you, and he hovers for a second, before dipping down and placing a soft kiss on your lips.

“I like when you’re the first thing I see after patrol.” 

You look up at him to see the sleazy smile you know is on his face, but all you can focus on is the exhaustion evident in his features. Bags under his eyes and deep-set lines that would disappear with a couple of nights of good sleep riddle his face, and your mouth turns downward in a frown as you think about how badly he needs a night off.

He notices the way you react to the effects of his nightly activities and immediately gauges what's on your mind. “I can't,” he says, pulling back from you, standing up and turning around, starting the process of removing his tactical gear.

You suck in a tense breath, the sudden change in atmosphere giving you whiplash.

You watch his back as he removes the multiple layers of protective clothing that keep him coming home to you.

“Can’t what?” It’s a dumb question that you both know the answer to and have always known the answer to. 

It’s a dumb question that you both know the answer to, but you ask anyway even though the answer remains the same and has remained the same since you found out about his ‘occupation.'

He lets out a sigh, moving towards the dresser and opening a drawer to find some pajamas. 

“I can’t take a night off.” He lets his head drop, hands gripping the knobs, “and I can’t give you the life that you want…the normal life that you deserve.” The words come out strained, like they’re paining him, and they’re definitely paining you. 

You refrain from saying anything, knowing that when he gets like this it’s better to give him some time to let his rationale come back instead of trying to sway his thoughts.

A beat of silence goes by, and he pulls out some clean clothes then disappears into the bathroom across the hallway, not before gently closing the bedroom door behind him, ever the considerate boyfriend, even in his self-loathing moments.

The back of your head hits the pillow behind you, and you exhale lightly. Eyes drooping and body feeling heavy, you pull the blanket up to your neck and try to let sleep takeover. 

A few minutes pass before the soft sound of hinges squeaking interrupts the silence around you, and Jason shuffles around the room, quietly locking the window and putting stuff away.

The bed dips and he climbs under the covers, sliding one arm under your head and the other over your hip. Even in a sleepy, semi-agitated state you readily accept his warmth as a safety net.

“I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t want to be.”

You feel him sigh against the back of your head, pulling you as close to him as possible, “I know.”

“Do you really?” You say slowly, fighting sleep. “Because it often feels like you don’t.” 

No response.

“I don’t know what you think ‘normal’ is Jason, but if it doesn’t include you then I don’t want it.” 

“I’m sorry," He whispers tentatively.

And your heart aches knowing the amount of love you give him may never be enough to heal the deep wounds leftover from years of being made to feel like a burden.

“You don’t have to apologize, but you do need to stop questioning my decision-making skills.” Your body shifts in his arms so you’re face to face with him, “I could do a whole lot worse than you.”

He lets out a wry chuckle that hides some sadness in it, “yeah…you’re right.” 

You hum, satisfied with his lack of protest, and open your eyes long enough to see a content look on his face, before closing them once more.

For a few minutes you lay in silence wrapped in his arms, reveling in the comfort of each other's company.

But eventually you lose the battle to sleep, and your brain drifts off into a dream land. Everything in the world around you is temporarily gone while you explore the expanse of your subconscious, and a world where Jason takes a night off every once in a while.

“I love you.” He says quietly, barely audible.

And he knows you don’t hear it, so he’ll say it again in the morning; and every morning after that as long as you’re by his side.

[bella-rose29]

episode 2 commentary - Let Go of Me

major spoilers for show and books, swearing, me obsessing over lockwood's hands probably (edit: definitely, and George's)

why did I immediately think jellyfish

omg the flowers

Luce you really shouldn't have taken that

just like @demigoddess-of-ghosts said, why tf are deprac asking if there's anyone else there when Lucy is quite literally screaming 'lockwood'

"miss lockwood" and "lockwood's my partner" 🤭

"we called your mother" ok well her mother is a Bitch so that wasn't a good idea

"rest up until he's given you the all-clear" like fuck she's gonna do that

omg the flowers!!!

ooo spooky green lighting

omg the ghost lock victims ward 🥲

I would love to know what they were planning on doing with this scene actually bc I feel like it sets up some sort of ghost lock victim storyline for the future - maybe using them for science? idk I'd just love to know

oof lockwood's hands

just this whole scene of lockwood

hands

barnes is not fucking around lol

HANDS

HANDS

the way he sits back in the chair has me WEAK

THE JAW MOVEMENT

can you tell I'm going feral

George's lil run omg

George is so neurospicy I love it

George your posture needs sorting out my love 😭

"You're meant to say no, Lucy" well it's difficult to say no to lockwood when he looks at you with his beautiful eyes and smile and-

"I'd say like a house on fire" 😭

my poor baby looks so tired :( and he definitely needs a shower oh dear

I didn't think I would hear lockwood with his queen's English call someone 'mate'

I love that George just says straight up facts

"posh one who thinks he's god's gift" sounds about right

"his weird mate with zero social skills" also sounds about right

I love that they included the tapes for norrie bc actually it's a great way of adding to the narrative (bc we don't have any voice overs) and we get lucy's view on stuff

and we see her survivor's guilt too - "like how I should have helped you" omg 🥲 (excuse me while I go cry in a corner)

ruby stokes the woman you are

"no it doesn't, it looks like I cooked it in an active volcano" pfffft George I love you

"Andrew lockwood"

"girls are funny about baths" he's trying goddammit

HIS SMILE

"she's not unhinged" "you're hardly the best judge of these things" "you need normal people around you" "you really think you're normal?" your honour I love their friendship

"the world's mad, and normal never fixed anything" gonna make it my motto

"let me... sleep on it" BOY YOU DON'T EVER SLEEP

oh Luce

okay but these special effects are so fucking cool

hang on why the hell did Lucy go to sleep holding the ring

Jesus Christ that scared the shit out of me

ooo green lighting!!!

pfft goes to hold his hand to wake him up

HIS FACE WHEN HE WAKES UP OMG 😭😂

also: NECK and THE FACT HE SLEEPS WITHOUT A SHIRT

I love the disgruntlement of george

WHITE T-SHIRT LOCKWOOD

"trousers are for wimps" ICONIC

omg I love that we get to see George's Touch!!! also his hand??? brb gonna go melt

LOCKWOOD'S HANDS AND FOREARMS WITH THE CHAINS

FOREARMS

omg Georgie it's not a wasp I'm sorry

ARMS

I am dying how the hell did Ali manage to make his voice say "oh shit" like that

LOCKWOOD HAS A RAPIER I'm gonna faint

"I can't believe you stole a Source" GEORGE YOU ARE ONE TO TALK

yeah Luce call him out

"we need to destroy her source and move on. let her go" I have so much to say about this omgggg bc on the one hand the episode is called Let Go of Me and rn I'm 1/3 of the way through this episode and they've repeated those words in different ways so many times it's unreal. and then on the other hand (spoilers for the books) there's the way that Lockwood isn't doing this himself, because he hasn't destroyed the source in his house and let his own ghosts go 😭

omg George loves an experiment you can hear the joy in his voice

NOT THE WAY HE PHYSICALLY MOVES TO PROVE HE'S ON LUCY'S SIDE omg they're becoming friends even if they don't know it yet

ARMS

OH LORD THE HOODIE??? I wanna steal it

NOT THE WAY HE HANDS HER THE RING AND LETS HIS TOUCH LINGER AND LUCY DOES THE SAME OMGGGG

THEY LITERALLY JUST STROKE EACH OTHER'S HANDS I CAN'T TAKE THIS

his smile omg

ruby stokes the woman you are omg

lockwood's face omg he's so conflicted bc on the one hand he's worried but on the other he's trying to not say yes when she goes 'you love me don't you?'

lockwood immediately pushing her aside

HANDS

HANDS

lockwood you need to stop taking sole responsibility for things

the sadness in his voice when he says 'this place is all that's left of my parents' omg

"Jesus, lockwood, we're screwed!" yep (also the way George says it is so funny help)

HANDS AND RING

barnes isn't taking any shit omg

such an ominous phone call

George's prison outfit (I can't remember who called it that)

omg I want lucy's playsuit

PINK SOCKS

also lockwood get your shoes off the table you heathen

no bc I actually want her playsuit

HANDS

HANDS AND RING AAAAA

:3

HANDSSSSS

"not a braying gallery for bellends" George I love you

BOBBY!!!

Lucy going straight in with the hard facts I love her

omg the scoff

THE SIDE PROFILE OF LOCKWOOD IS KILLING ME

kipps is such an arse

THE STANCE HE TAKES WITH THE SPARE HAND AND UGH

AND YOU NEED A LADDER

the way he says "yes you do" has me in a chokehold

the sMIRK

"irrelevant prick" love it

when the mutual friend leaves and you're left with the one you don't get on with

George you might be a weirdo but I love you for it

Lucy getting the juicy gossip and immediately becoming besties with george

ok well your mum is a bitch

oh lockwood wtf are you doing

"he's a little shit sir"

lockwood why

he looks so proud of himself I can't help it

"you're our biggest asset" oh boy

the regret on his face oops

"my judgement's been a little off recently" yeah bc you just met the love of your life

ok but women with swords 👀 bonus points if they're angry

HANDS

pink socks again

barnes once again not taking shit

she is a child sir you can't just spring that on her

omg Lucy :((((((

"let me go" - is that another reference to the episode title I see?

"lockwood's a charlatan" pfft

DONT YOU TALK ABOUT MY LOCKWOOD LIKE THAT

"they always make the most boring, unimaginative moves possible, don't they" - it's giving Cameron saying that everything is basic

lockwood read the room (cab)

"You were brilliant" boy's in love

"can we talk about this in the car" *taxi drives away*

"you might be able to turn your feelings on and off like a tap, but I am drowning here, lockwood" 😭

"You know sometimes I just... I just think I'd be better off dead" oh Luce ���

also lockwood's reaction to that omg he pauses for a while and is all glassy eyed and then: "I understand that"

never mind them I am drowning here (in my tears)

"We need you, and it's not because you're an asset" "why then?" "because... because you're..." *looks away and clenches jaw* "Lucy Carlyle" *smiles really widely (I feel like he was considering telling her his feelings)

"we can't let you go" ANOTHER REFERENCE TO THE EPISODE TITLE

"that's why I went on tv, silly" WHERE IS MY BUCKET??? I DONT KNOW WHY HIM SAYING 'SILLY' LIKE THAT PAIRED WITH HOW HE WALKS TOWARDS HER MEANS I NEED MY BUCKET BUT I HAD TO PAUSE THE EPISODE TO MELT A LITTLE

"We're lockwood and co. you, me, and George" FUCK YEAH YOU ARE

"please stay" 🥺 (anything for you my love)

"so you'd look cool" lol

greeeeeeen

"you're more of a liability than an asset, Lucy" HE SAYS WHILE LOOKING AT HER WITH HEART EYES

oh Georgie

OMG HE HAS A PLATE OF BISCUITS AND A TINY GLASS OF MILK

GEORGIEEEE NO DONT YOU HURT MY BOY

green lighting!!!

"I'll take him" says boy with immense confidence

"can I offer you a cup of tea while you ransack my house? one lump or two" *throws torch and misses*

HNNNNNNNN THE NOISE I MADE WHEN HE DOES THE RAPIER THINGY AND GETS INTO HIS STANCE AND TWIRLS THE RAPIER AND PUTS HIS HAND UP

AND THEN WHEN HE DODGES THE TORCH??????? SIR WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE THAT FINE DODGING A FUCKING TORCH?????

oh my god the still I paused it on to write the above comment is gonna make me pee myself with laughter 😭😂 I wish I could screenshot to show everyone

ooo I might be completely delusional but Lucy smashes the mirror with her elbow in this scene (and the camera pauses on it for a good couple of seconds) and then plays a part in smashing the bone glass later on??? am I delusional or am I making connections???

Georgie omg

LUCY PICKING UP HIS GLASSES!!! I love this omg I would be lost without mine

HEHEHE STAB THAT INTRUDER

fuck me that neck crack was hot (also could lockwood fuck me please?)

green lighting!!!

also how did I never notice the stairs were spirally?

George you are so funny and I love you

I AM SORRY. WHAT. EVERYONE GO WATCH THIS FIGHT SCENE AND STUDY THE WAY LOCKWOOD FIGHTS/MOVES THE RAPIER IN HIS HAND BECAUSE- I need my bucket holy shit

George hauling those chains around like it's nothing 👀

green lighting!!!

yeah you better run bitch

"we should have people round more often" lolllllll

lockwood can kick me-

"why are you making that face?"

"that's not your normal face, that's your 'I know something you don't' face"

sweaty lockwood

George's face when she pulls the ring out is so funny to me 😂

"you lunatic" *lockwood grinning widely* I love their reactions

aww let Georgie swear :(

[13docwriting]

Hello! It's me again, giving my minute by minute review of The Giggle. I have not seen any spoilers or watched any trailers, so I know nothing. Well... I know that Neil Patrick Harris is someone lol. As a summary, I enjoyed Chibnall's era, loved the thirteenth Doctor with all of my heart, and know little about the classic series but am obsessed with nuwho. I am also weary of RTD's writing but I loved the first special and enjoyed the second. LET'S GO!

Again, last time I'll complain, I MISS LIVE REBLOGGING WITH FANS. 1. Oh my horror movie vibes again. Okay.

2. Uh. What's up with the accent for Neil Patrick Harris (NPH to make my life easier). That feels a bit... Not good. Especially with the "messed up" words to accentuate it. It just doesn't sound right. I know it's supposed to be a STUPID amount of fake, but it's boarding on offensive.

3. "I'll need a moving image" right to the jump scare lol. I don't MIND horror movies, but I don't necessarily want it for every single Doctor Who episode. A bit disappointed.

4. NPH dancing with David Tennant for those point two seconds did something to me. Also, LOVE NPH's makeup there.

5. I'm already so tired of UNIT having all this money. I don't know, it doesn't feel right. They were supposed to stay hidden so that people didn't know about them. Are we officially saying that humans know about aliens? That's the only acceptable answer I'll take as to why we got helicopters and military vehicles just out and about.

6. Awesome, AWESOME music. Always. Just, again, a thousand kudos to everyone doing this beautiful arrangement.

7. I LOVE Shirley. I love her. Representation done right, in my opinion. It's ironic that RTD can do something EXACTLY as it's supposed to be and the fumble the ball on something else in the very same episode i.e. the first special with Shirley right to "male presenting" Time Lord (see my first live blogging to hear the speech I did already lol).

8. KATE - KATE - KATE. My h e r o. My LOVE! We JUST saw her with 13 and I loved every single part she was in. Her finally seeing the inside of the TARDIS made me so happy.

9. KATE HUGGING THE DOCTOR. Awww! That is so gosh darn cute. I don't know how long it's been exactly since Kate saw 13 after the whole Master thing in Power of the Doctor, but it's so nice to see her hugging him. I was scared for a moment it was going to be a slap lol.

10. "How do we fight the human race." Uh... That's quite a plot, isn't it? I... The Doctor, thirteen especially, always made a point of saying how good "you humans" can be. Saying that humans are inherently bad just doesn't sit right with me. There's a speech roaring up with me about how RTD sees people in general and how that effects the optimistic and hopeful attitude of Doctor Who in gneral, but that'll have to come later.

11. OH HEY Melanie! I know that companion! Kind of! I've never see any of her episodes but that's awesome. SIDE NOTE... Just like with Power of the Doctor, I feel a little disoriented when I know I'm supposed to know something / really appreciate the moment and I can't. I'm so happy that Chibnall AND RTD are so very willing to let classic who people come back, I'm just always a little lost with things like this. (I wonder if other people my age feel that way? Any else 25?)

12. "Is park rude?" "Borderline". I... What? Why would you even turn to Shirley with a question like that? See what I mean about dropping the ball.

13. "Why should I care?" Prime Minister. "No change there then." Donna. hehe I love those little moments where DW shows current political distain.

14. We're... We're not gonna ask a million questions about what Vlinx is? What they're doing there? How they got there? The Doctor's not doing the usual excited dance and asking how hot their cortex runs, the amount of brain power they have, etc. Idk, seemed like a wasted moment. (Unless I'm missing some classic who stuff again?)

15. Listen, I'm a very simple lesbian... I see an "evil" Kate and I get a little excited, okay? Woman power and all that, am I right? 16. "As for you [Shirley], with that chair - I've seen you walk!" What the actual fuck. Listen, I know, I KNOW people are idiots about wheelchairs. I know some people don't know that some people who use a wheelchair aren't completely paralyzed, but to point it out in this way just feels... It feels like a misstep...? I have no right to comment, I'm not a wheelchair user, but the way RTD handles things like this always makes me nervous.

17. "The old archangel network" ahhh hello there preteen headcannons! Ahhhh the Master, how lovely a reminder of those days! God, what a plotline that was back in the day. I am not surprised at all that RTD fit that line in, let me tell you. The man seems to like to brag about his old stories (inconspicuously points to David Tennant and Catherine Tate.)

18. Why would Donna ever, ever guess that those brain waves were music? Where in god's name would ANYONE come up with that without ANY sort of hint? What kind of mary sue writing is that? I'm just supposed to take that? Talk about a convenient plot device. I don't like lazy writing.

19. "The very first image has been hiding in every screen ever since." See, THAT'S cool! I like that kind of story, where another god-like entity has that sort of power. Someone PLANNED that. As always, things like this are why I love when the Master comes back. His convoluted plots creates such great writing and stories.

20. "What, because you're so clever [at Shirley asking why they never found the Stooky Bill laugh before]." Hey 14, your 10 is showing - the parts of 10 that adult me has problems with.

21. "[The human race] is also savage, venal, and relentless." Alright, maybe I'm thinking too much about 12 and 13, mostly 13, but the distain that 14 (cough ten cough) displays for humans has ALWAYS been icky to me. The Doctor TRAVELS with humans, has worked with them, has LOVED them. You can't call an entire species monsters and then claim to love them. People CAN be monsters, but ten - sorry, 14 - has a habit of not taking the time to make that distinction between species vs person. 13, meanwhile, has never insulted a single human. She has encouraged people, genuinely wants them to be better, and only alienates herself not by pointing humans down, but by feeling so different than everyone around her.

22. "Using your intelligence to be stupid... And hating each other. You never needed any help with that". Well, congrats, this may be my least favorite episode of Doctor Who ever. I don't like getting insulted, I don't like the Doctor being mean, I don't like the tone of this episode... Doctor Who is a hopeful, lighthearted show that brings a smile to my face. Yes, it has moments that make me sob, but it's not some police drama. DW is a sci-fi show about traveling a beautiful universe. THIS is not what the show should be.

23. "Can we take out that satellite?" So Kate's waiting for permission... But, question... THE TARDIS IS RIGHT THERE. You're telling me the Doctor can't go up there, sonic the thing off to make it look like it's a technical error, and then eff of? I know writers OFTEN give the good old "the TARDIS is unavailable" to avoid thoughts like this, but RTD left the TARDIS RIGHT THERE. We have a time and space machine!

24. Side note, very side note, but are we ever gonna fix the gravity to "mavity" thing? Is that gonna come back?

25. The Doctor: "you have my permission" [to blow up the satellite]. But... But that's... What can UNIT say to that? "Oh yeah hey, our alien from outer space that we trust that you don't know gave us the go-ahead to blow your satellite up. Please don't fire missiles at us, we got the "OK." What? Just... What?

25. Oh hey, was Melanie at the therapy session for past companions in the Power of the Doctor? That would honest to god fit so well and I would love that. I'll have to look later.

26. Again, I almost have to laugh at the budget. All this money and we're using it to fire off a gun... In Doctor Who... Where the Doctor hates guns. Figures.

27. 120[k] plus five weeks' holiday." OH FUCK YEAH DONNA. Girl boss right there! You deserve that money! Freaking LOVE IT. And I'd love Donna working at UNIT. Maybe Martha and her could be best friends? Oh hey, where the hell is Martha and Mickey, btw?

28. Ha, Crowley, COUGH, I mean the Doctor on SoHo's streets once again. Hehe.

29. "Donna, I'm a billion years old". WOAH, WHAT? He can't be serious, right? No way 13 lived that long after 12's 2,000 ish years, right? Is 14 counting the confession dial? He has to be, right? I almost wish 13 mentioned her age now.

30. "But you are busy every second of every day" uh, yes. That was 13's coping mechanism. If she never stopped, she never had to think. Granted, that was every single Doctor's coping mechanism, but 13 had a lot of crap to get through and the fact that she got sent to prison with all that MUST have destroyed them.

31. Donna trying to give the Doctor mental health advice will forever be a favorite moment between the two of them for me. I'm so glad to see how much Donna cares about him.

32. NPH is just fabulous. He really just takes over the scene, even against actors like David Tennant and Catherine Tate. I was mesmerized by the ball scene. Granted, the accent makes me squint my eyes, but still... Him playing the villain will always be exciting.

33. Oh the Doctor knows him! An old enemy, that can't be good. OH and with the first Doctor as well, talk about a VERY old enemy. It's only been a billion years, eh? Hm, and the Doctor seems terrified of him. I'm getting the Master vibes. Is the Toymaker a Time Lord?

34. I sincerely wish that the Doctor mentioned being the Timeless Child to Donna when the Doctor said "what am I without my toys". I just... Donna can't understand why this speech even exists without knowing that the Doctor's entire history was erased - was taken from him. People may hate the Timeless Child plotline, but it's THERE. If RTD is going to build the emotional trauma off of that, it should be mentioned by name. I'm glad we mentioned the Flux, but the Timeless Child is what drove the Doctor nearly insane. It's what drove the Master even more insane. It should be mentioned properly.

35. Why the fuck, after that emotion speech, would these two idiots even separate AN INCH? Donna just saw how terrified the Doctor was, the Doctor IS terrified, why would they not hold hands? Why would they not stick to each other like glue. Again, lazy writing.

36. I can not explain how much this doesn't feel like Doctor Who. I can not even being to rant about how much this doesn't feel like my goofy little sci-fi show that makes me smile. I feel cheated. RTD, you got your Midnight / stupid scary episode last time and I complimented it. I cannot believe I have to sit through another one of your horror episodes. Again, the spirit of Doctor Who is the relationship and connections to how amazing humans can be. It's about hope, and optimism, and learning. Of course there's scary episodes, of course there's a step to the left in terms of how the usual episodes go, but what the heck is this?

Is it good writing? Perhaps. The dialogue, tone, and plot is convincing, I'll give RTD that. But is this MY show, my Doctor Who? No. I've said before that RTD relies on nostalgia and this episode only ferments that. If it wasn't David Tennant and characters that weren't already introduced literal years ago, how'd we even know this wasn't the same show?

37. Why the FUCK is Donna so violent? We know she's a badass, we know she's sassy, we know she's fearless... But banging that doll into the wall, a furious look on her face? Where the fuck did she learn that one?

38. How fucking dare RTD mention the Flux but bypass the fam, Yaz, and Dan. How fucking dare he. How dare he pick and chose what he liked from Chibnall's era. And you know what, let's have a laugh, shall we? Maybe he can't mention them because all of them had a GOOD ending. All of them left of their own accord. They left feeling stronger, feeling good about themselves, feeling like they've see the universe and want to make their home, earth, better. What has RTD done but killed the Doctor's happiness? And don't come at me with my own words - the Doctor could have mentioned Yaz and the fam as a defense against himself. "But I've learned - I've learned that humans are strong, that my friends are stronger than I ever could be! Yasmin Khan, Ryan Sinclair, Graham O'Brian, Dan Lewis - all them are safe. All of them are loved. They have always been the best parts of me. Now, Toymaker... I challenge you to a game." TADA. I even think I got David Tennant's correct cadence, and I never even wrote him!

If you are a showrunner for DW, you have a responsibility to the past writers to show some respect. The way RTD is handling the Flux is fine, but you can't erase the Timeless Child because it doesn't fit with your own version of Doctor Who. It has been done, get over it. USE it.

39. *Splutters* "I made a jigsaw out of your history". You will NOT be taking responsibility for the Timeless Child like this. You will not have a villain create the Timeless Child just to erase it. AND YOU TOOK THE MASTER FROM ME? MY FAVORITE MASTER? YOU TOOK SPYDOC FROM ME? Holy shit I need a drink. My rage is unfathomable.

40. To be fair, seriously, it's good writing if it WASN'T Doctor Who. I am being fair. It's heart pounding, it's exciting, but it's not the same show or the reason I love the show.

41. ... Okay, NPH... Yeah. That scene. I'm not even going to hint about what scene I'm talking about. Everyone knows. It was a 10/10 performance. It was fantastic. There's no criticism, I'll be watching that ten million times. (Damn shame they didn't let him sing it though).

42. The speech the Doctor is making to the Toymaker sounds AWFULLY familiar, doesn't it? Perhaps, the Master, once again? The Doctor just picks these god-like entities and goes "I will love you" and clings on for dear life. I assure you, somewhere in that tooth the Master is screaming "YOU ASKED ME FIRST".

44. "We can be celestial." Someone tell me if DT played Crowley season 2 before or after this. I could HEAR Crowley on that last word, come on now.

45. what the fuck. what the fuck. what the f u c k. WE'RE FUCKING KEEPING DAVID TENNANT. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE KEEPING HIM. HE'S HAD HIS TIME TWICE OVER. WHY. WHY. WHY. HE WAS A GOOD DOCTOR BUT IT'S NOT FAIR THAT HE'S STILL HERE.

RTD changed regeneration. I'VE HAD TO DEAL WITH THE HATERS TORMENTING ME ABOUT CHANGING THE DOCTOR'S PAST IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T EFFECT DW CANON, AND YET RTD CAN DO THIS?

ALL BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KEEP DT. Someone sedate me, I'm going to be the one being on walls and screaming soon. Fuck me. Let the Doctor go! That's the whole bloody point. I can't with this. If you haters out there accept this one I don't want anyone ever coming at me about the Timeless Child again. I'll just throw pictures of up this regeneration scene with a bunch of arrows. And not to mention, I hate this idea? I hate it. I hate it. Regeneration was about change and rebirth, now it's about adding a little hint of something new. It was about letting go, getting ready for a new future, handing someone else the torch of this beautiful show. Oh my god, I hate it here. I'm STAYING for Nucti. I'm honoring his first performance, but I am pissed. I might not even be able to write more.

46. "Do you come in a range of colors." What. What kind of line is that? What... Why did we even have to mention that? He also comes with a different gender, Donna, I don't think his "color" matters. That was the point of the first special, if you could remember that.

I'm taking an effing walk... Off a bridge at this point.

47. Why didn't we give the 15th Doctor trousers? We didn't give 14 13's clothes now did we? But we can have the 15 Doctor running around half naked... On a family show? Come on now.

48. We... We really... We really wasted the Toymaker with a game of catch. Really. I was just complimenting the writing and then we did that?

49. I'm loving 15's care and love. His openness. Is this the Doctor forgiving himself?

50. Oh hey, what lovely person took the Master from that gold tooth, eh? Maybe... Missy, perhaps?

51. MENTION THE TIMELESS CHILD YOU FUCKING COWARD OH MY GOD. Not you, 15, you're great sweetie. RTD MENTION THE PROPER PAST YOU ASS. You can mention all the past adventures but not the latest one? Seriously?

52. Something, something, so glad 14 got a happy ending, something something, wish 13 had that, something something, too bad Chibnall followed the rules of regeneration just as all the writers did beforehand SOMETHING SOMETHING.

53. I'm getting the mildest hint of karma because I never understood why people said the couldn't understand Jodie... I'm actually having a bit of a hard time with Nucti lmao. I always use subtitles so it doesn't matter to me, but just thought I'd mention that.

54. Nucti better kiss a man full of the mouth. He is... Quite something. Jack Harkness would faint.

55. I have a question. How is 15 older? Isn't it like 2.2 seconds only, if anything?

56. I really am glad that 14 got a family. It is beautiful.

I usually do like a summary or whatever but I'm just so bitter and pissed. Here, 3/10, two of those points are for 15 and one is for the Toymaker... Even if the Toymaker character was wasted.

[hekateinhell]

sending this well after you've probably gone to bed HOWEVER i am always ready to report for louis/armand/lestat duty so HERE GOES:

Every time they get in a petty fight, someone rearranges the vinyl collection at Trinity Gate. Louis organizes alphabetically by artist, Armand organizes by genre, and Lestat organizes chronologically. The music room is a goddamn war zone.

When Lestat is an Extra Extra Good Boy (or just in need of some tlc in general) Louis and Armand make the best mani-pedi team. Louis takes a foot and Armand takes a hand, then they switch for the opposite side. 

Somehow Armand gets ahold of the tattered old TVL band shirt that Louis used to sleep in. He lounges around the house in it and has both Lestat and Louis drooling in SECONDS (bonus smut points if Louis and Lestat both take turns fucking him in it)

Also this is just Louis/Armand but listen i've been thinking a lot lately of how strong Armand is!!! Like I know the fun thing about his character is that he's got the craziest mental tenacity for someone trapped in a small/young body, but I do think people sleep on how physically strong he is as well. Anyway, all I'm saying is: I want to see him hoist Louis up against a wall and fuck him <3 I want Louis to get overpowered and dicked down by someone half a foot shorter than him LOL it would be good for him!!!!!!

ASHLEYYYYY OH MY GOD I LOVE ALL THESE SO MUCH YOU ALWAYS HIT ME WHERE I LIVE!!! 😭😭😭

i love thinking about what their domestic life would look like LMAO canon or human AU because all three of them complement and contrast each other so fucking well, i'm all over that all day every day!!!! asksfkdsgj rip the music room 💀 i hope to god nobody gets petty enough to fuck with the library and louis's meticulously thought out system of displaying his books that only he knows (lestat gets petty enough, armand knows better -- tbh idk if he actually ever gets mad at louis? as easily as lestat sets him off, louis has the opposite effect. but for argument's sake, i think if louis did piss armand off, armand would react by pretending he's fine but he would immediately start being infantilizing and weird. really, really emphasizing the "sweet, dusty louis" every other sentence like he's marius talking to a wain victorian orphan).

NO BUT THIS IS SO SWEET!!! not to get too serious but for canon fic i think about court era!lestat a lot and like how he comes right out and says to marius "you don't want a prince in me, you want a figurehead, you would be the ruler here" and really just all the times he sounds so Tired & Done™️ in general with everything. lestat getting some TLC from his consort and madame de pompadour on the regular is harm reduction at its finest lbr. i wanna see armand and louis giving him a perfumed bath a la QotD but without the trauma (and like in Air Catcher too now that i've triggered the memory, i love your brain so much DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I REREAD THAT FIC 🥹)

OH MY GOD STOP PLEASE!!! i wanna know like was armand intentional about wearing louis's lestat shirt? in his mind, is this The Next Logical Step in their threesome relationship? was he expecting a reaction or was he just looking to self-soothe and instead of going for one of louis's baggy sweaters that would hit the thigh on armand, he just grabbed the shirt? regardless, i hope they dped him 🫶🏼 (i totally need this to happen both in canon verse and in teen au future verse)

NO ASHLEY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND LMAO NOBODY KNOWS BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MUCH GOING ON TO ACTUALLY WRITE BUT THE SMUT MACHINE NEVER STOPS AND LATELY I JUST WANT ARMAND TO TOP EVERYONE!!!! i wanna see the short king bend back those long legs and go to town on these catholic boys! 🤧 armand is the ultimate switch and he is, in his own words, NOT A WAIF. he can lift that bag of bones easily!!! ❤️ and i remember we talked about like top/bottom dynamics with lestat and louis--either physically or just energy wise--and how it would probably take a considerable amount of time and effort for louis to heal enough to relinquish that control to lestat again following the RR years and all that went down... i'm thinking like if i wanted squish armand in there and I DO, it would be a good step in that direction for louis to practice being open (get it? i'll see myself out) with armand first (literally expanding on PL canon here just adding the sex LMAO). tl;dr: it would be good for both of them if armand fucked that sad, wet man (as a treat) ALSO ALSO SEE MY FAVE "ARMAND FUCKS LOUIS" FICLET THAT IS WAY TOO FUCKING SHORT

[jounosparticles]

hello jumps up and down I wanna add some stuff to the background

it's more of just me.... responding but WHATEVER I have... a brain.

with fukuchi I believe that he didn't get that much education/didn't value it as a kid but as he got older he was like "hey this is sick" and just went DEEP into it. like he got into the military and as he lived on the base he started getting into Knowledge and Education more and. yeah. idk it might just be personal to me but also... yeah.

untapped comedy potential with teruko in restaurants. "hey why is this six year old ordering a 40 dollar 4 pound steak."

uh WITH JOUNO!!! with his sight I saw that someone thought that his blindness came with the side effects of the surgeries but again we don't really know... we don't know what the surgeries entail or what his whole background is. only god, asagiri, and hurakawa know.

anyway. with jounos personality me n my friend have an idea that it's a "superiority complex covering up an inferiority complex." his blindness could been an insecurity he has but again. we don't really know. AND!!! ROUGH ADJUSTMENT!!! from being an executive in a crime ring with the mindset of "there is a strict hierarchy and you are above your subordinates" to the military's "there is a strict hierarchy but you all work as one unit. cooperate or die" had to be a weird adjustment.

and tecchou! I don't really have much to add but I do believe that tecchou is a soldier through n through. just how he acts and his almost blind loyalty/obedience it just... .... hrrr yknow.

another thing about tecchou: I also don't think he liked school that much 😭 I. don't know why I think this it's just kinda. yeah.

anyway! sorry if I butchered anyone that's probably from me just. forgetting details. and I'm tired.

ALSO SORRY FOR ALWAYS SENDING LONG ASKS?? I have a lot to say and I don't realize that I send a whole WALL of text to you I apologize for your eyes 😭

hi jazzy!!! i am so sorry it took me a billion years to respond . i was waiting for the time to type out a long answer then kept forgetting i am so sorry. never be sorry for sending long asks!! i genuinely love getting them :)

i like what you are saying for fukuchi!! i’d love to see his passion kick in while he’s working in the military. from the few flashbacks we have seen we definitely know he has the potential for passion but was likely very distracted by his ultimate goal. i’d love to see more of his behind-the-scenes planning over time. he said he got the sign 36 years prior which would make him a kid, i wonder if he didn’t know what it meant until he was given the amenogozen? hmm. not sure. that’s a ramble for another time. but i’d like to see more about him studying and stuff as well!!

and YOURE SO RIGHT about there being hidden potential for teruko. she’s definitely gotten so many "kids _____ free" things because of it. she’s very lucky for that aspect

and about jouno. i’d want to say he lost his sight before joining the hunting dogs? since the one flashback panel we seen his eyes were still closed. if we take into account that his heightened senses were caused by going blind (he said "i can see a lot more now that i’ve lost my sight" to dazai in his intro scene); i’d assume the surgeries don’t do all the enhancement.

the wording here implies he already had his senses prior to becoming a hunting dog. that’s not to say the surgeries don’t enhance them further though.

i’d love to see jouno learn to adjust to the hunting dogs environment. like that would make me so happy it’s the thing i want most in bsd right now. i’m actually writing my own interpretation of it soon hehe. anyway i imagine he accepted the offer as to avoid punishment for his crimes, i want to see the change in mentality he gets over time so badly. idk i just. love jouno so much i want more focus on him.

i like your complex idea as well! never really thought too deep into it. maybe jouno feels less than the other hunting dogs because he wasn’t always good? i wonder if fukuchi’s words will get to him and he will feel lesser because of it. i want more character development for him please omg. i want him to be reassured that he is good now by tetchou please omg.

i kinda agree with the tetchou bit as well. he’s not fantastic socially from what we’ve seen, it probably made connecting to people at school hard. he was probably easy to get along with but not overly close with anyone. that’s how i felt about him at least!!

[romanticsims]

hi love! i legit just found your page yet i'm absolutely BLOWN AWAY by your edits, oh my gosh :O i love the gif you posted about your editing process and i was wondering if you'd be willing to post the different pictures in it side by side so i could more easily see the process? if that's too tedious that's totally okay and i completely understand :) thank you for reading dear, have a great day!! <3 (the post i'm talking about is post/683152127057641473)

Hello anon!

Thank you so much for the kind words! I’m so happy you like my edits and are interested in the process (truly my favorite thing to talk about)

I’m gonna number each part of the process, I tend to save a picture after I think I made significant enough changes and then continue so idk how organized this will be but I’ll happily upload a progress video of another edit if you or others are interested! Also for reference, I edit mostly in Procreate

1. Picture one is the render fresh from Blender! I immediately notice clipping issues I wanna fix and elements from the Sims that didn’t translate well into blender (like her nose and lip presets)

2. This shot is after I brought it into Photoshop and used my basic actions (topaz clean, smart sharpen, and camera raw filter). This is also where I separate the subject from the background for easy editing, and blur the background (I usually use tilt and field blur, I also added motion to this one since she’s in a bustling city)

3. I’m in Procreate now and use the start (and early motivation and excitement) to get the fixing work done. Smoothing the harsh lines of the clipping with the smudge tool and parts of her face that don’t look right with Liquify

4. The fun parts begin and I get started on drawing the hair (I also smudge the hair underneath to blend better with the hair I draw on) and begin pulling colors from her skin and drawing on top of them with a noise brush for texture. I made some adjustments to the background and the lighting as well since I was focusing on the skin and wanted the lighting just right

5. This was when the skin got FUN because I added the blushing and started really going ham on the cheek bones and her freckles. Fixed her features some more with liquify and really made sure the hair blended with the background as I drew a lot of it in myself. (At this point in the process I was both so in love with her and so fucking tired I knew I should stop before I went too far lol)

6. And then the final adjustments were made! I use Curves at the start, then I move on to using a Gradient Map to adjust contrast, and my favorite parts are using blurs and Ambient Occlusion to really make everything blend seamlessly. I love adding fog to my shots, it blends the subject with the background and really adds a more natural touch to the setting. I color the fog to match the mood, in this case a very desaturated blue. Final touch is sharpening the image and adding noise for that real picture effect I love. (Both the background and the subject get different levels of noise as well)

I don’t know for sure but I believe the time it took to finish her took about 5 hours total, and I hope this gives some insight into what I do! I’d be happy to answer any more editing questions, it’s truly my favorite part! Thank you again for reaching out and I hope you have the best day too! You definitely made mine ☺️

[nepenthendline]

ALBEDO X READER | KISS IT BETTER

a/n: this is my first time writing in a long time and for genshin, so I hope its alright! Also the herbs he uses I know work for migraines when ingested but idk about a compress 🤷‍♀️

summary: albedo helps ease your pain with the very scientific, very effective remedy of a kiss, please prescribe me more

You had been laying in bed for who knows how long, with darkness surrounding you as your head pounded. Even the tiniest rays of light the peaked through the drawn curtains felt like vicious stabs to your brain.

It must has been a few hours before you heard the soft click of the front door opening and closing, and the movement of feet across the hallway. A voice, distinctly belonging to your partner, called out to you, looking for your presence as he searched the house. It wasn't too long before his knuckles knocked against the bedroom door and he entered. The bright light that leaked into the room forced a groan out of you as your turned over and covered your eyes with the pillow.

'My love?' He called, although it sounded more like a question, and slowly moved towards the bed. You felt the bed dip as he sat down on the edge next to you. 'Are you alright?' His fingers reached out to brush a stray hair away from your face as he observed your body with strained eyes, looking for something that was out of place.

'Migraine,' you whispered, before releasing a deep breath. Although it didn't help the pain at all, his delicate touch did relax you slightly, and you nuzzled further into the bed. He stood up from the bed with a 'please excuse me for a moment' and left the room. You could hear russtling and the odd clang as Albedo shuffled through the house collecting his necessary ingredients.

Some time later the bedroom door opened once more and he entered carrying a bowl and a small bottle. Your eyes opening instincitly as he sat next to you, placing the bowl on the bedside table and pulling the cork from the bottle.

'I brought you some pain relief medication. I've done extensive research and studies on this so I'm certain it will be effective.' you shifted onto your back, leaning up slightly as he passes you the bottle, although kept one hand on it to aid in guiding it to your mouth. You drank the medication, grimacing slightly at the bitter taste; he let out a sympathetic chuckle as he watched your face wrinkle,' apologies, it doesn't taste that good, but I shall work on that.' He placed the empty bottle on the table as you settled back into the pillows.

You were slowly beginning to feel more relaxed and settled over time, thankful for his remedies. About 10 minutes later, he spoke up once more. 'How are you feeling? Is the pain easing?' He asked, lifting the compress and flipping it so the cooler side was now touching your skin.

'I've made you a compress as well with feverfew, willow and camomile which should help the ease the pain if you don't mind me placing it on your forehead?' When you nodded, he took the soaked cloth from the bowl and held it to your warm skin; the cool temperature already helping to relax your pain. You let your eyes fall shut and the two of you sat in silence for a while as he continued to hold the compress to your head.

'It's definitely better, but still hurts,' you muttered, not wanting to talk too loud and aggrivate the throbbing even more. He nodded, not that you could see, and pondered. His mind traced each remedy he could think of, trying to find another method of curing your pain. He's spent his whole life researching alchemy and creating thousands of concoctions for various causes, so surely there was something he could do. A thought came to mind, one that made his cheeks tingle with warmth. It was a remedy that Klee had introduced him too, something that she mentioned Alice did for her whenever she'd get scraped knees or bruises from causing mischief. It certainly wasn't a method he has studied, or one that had any scientific evidence backing it's ability, yet he was still drawn to try.

'Well, there is one method I could try. I've heard it's...quite effective. Although please forgive me if it doesn't work, I can't say I have much experience of such methods.' His voice was soft, almost trembling as he spoke; his gave turned away from you to hide his slightly flushed face, even though it couldn't be seen in the dark.

'I'll try anything right now' you said with a huff, although only somewhat joking.

'Very well,' he spoke before removing the compress from your forehead. You felt his weight shift on the mattress and, soon enough, his shallow breath fanned against your skin. A moment of pause was broken by his soft, warm lips pressing delicately against your forehead. His lips lingered for second, sending a tingling sensation across your body, then pulled away as he sat up straight.

A small smile broke free from your mouth and released something of a giggle, although it was tired and weak. 'It feels much better already,' he smiled with relief at your words. You peaked your eyes open to look up at him and continued. 'I think I might need another though, just to be sure.'

He chuckled, brushing his fingers over your cheek. 'Of course, I must give you the correct dosage after all.' While he was a man of science, evidence and information, there were still some things that couldn't be explained.

[a-moth-called-mof]

I've seen so much DSMP apologist discourse on my dashboard so I'm going say this right now:

All the characters are complex and none of them are good people(not saying they're necessarily bad, just saying they're not good)

Characters can be both in the right and in the wrong. It's never completely black and white

People are allowed to have opinions and not everyone is going to agree with eachother

WHO👏 YOU 👏WATCH👏CAN👏AND👏 WILL 👏EFFECT👏 HOW👏 YOU 👏VIEW 👏THE👏 STORY 👏AND 👏MAKE 👏YOU 👏HAVE👏 A👏 PERSONAL👏 BIAS👏

You can criticize a character and still like them

You're completely allowed to dislike a character, just please don't attack anyone who does like said character

You're completely allowed to like a character, just please don't attack anyone who dislikes said character

This one might be controversial but You are allowed to enjoy and like a character, even if they are a bad person or have done bad things. Liking a character who's a bad person and who does/has done bad things does not, in any way, shape or form, mean you are okay with or would endorse these things irl (this is coming from a tired C! Philza Minecraft fan with neglectful parents :/)

There's no point in arguing over which character is in right and which one is in the wrong because it's usually mix of both

I probably have more but thats all I can think of right now :I

Also, can we like find another word for apologist? Because apologist implies you think a character hasn't done anything wrong or that you try to excuse the actions of a character and that's usually not the case, at least with most people I've seen

Side note: sorry if this comes off as a bit of a rant. Idk I'm just really tired of all the discourse :/ Remember guys, fandoms are supposed to be fun

[sugxrslushy]

Hi sweetie how are you? Please take care and don't push yourself too much, it's totally okay to take your time and do thing at your own pace, you come first.

Also, you're doing an amazing job, trust me 💕

Saw your requests are open so i'm here to ask for some headcanons hehe

Could i ask for kid and law reacting to their s/o literally dragging them to a metal concert and being way too chaotic during the whole concert? (If you know them you can use slipknot as a band idk)

Thank you if you do and have a good day 💕💕🌸

Dealing with a chaotic s/o at a metal concert

➪ a/n: thank you so much for such kind words love, it makes me so happy with how sweet you all are to me!! and I felt this ask on a personal level. I’ve been to a handful of concerts and I’m pretty reckless during them haha. I almost passed out at one once, not a fun experience. don’t be like me and make sure to eat and drink something before hand (and drink water during it!!!)

➪ includes: Kid & Law (w/ gn! reader)

➪ warnings: none! not proofread

Trafalgar D. Law

Law isn’t the biggest fan of concerts to begin with, especially with heavier music. Too many chances of accidentally getting hit in the face and just madness in general

It’s gonna take some convincing, but honestly under his hard exterior he’s always going to say yes. He goes soft whenever he sees you having fun

He finally will cave and join you, mostly under the guise of just making sure you’ll stay safe there and get home fine!!

When he sees how incredibly chaotic you can be at concerts, he’s kind of mortified to see the least. He just tends to worry about you, but he’s a hard one to get to admit to it

Law just doesn’t want to see you get hurt!! He’s looking out for you and making sure everything goes well!

He’s just freaking out on the inside, but seeing how happy and free you look in the crowd tends to put his heart at ease

Law is practically your lifeline throughout this, making sure you’re drinking enough water and not about to pass out. He even pulls you out of the pit himself if it gets too rough

Although he may look like he’d rather be dead than be there, he actually is enjoying himself! He can get into the music and thinks all the special effects are cool

But if you get injured, you can be assured he’ll be by your side and helping you out the minute it happens. His doctor instincts just kick in and he’ll look you over right there and then

He’s the one driving home, giving you the opportunity to rest up in the passenger seat

Eustass Kid

Convincing him in probably one of the easiest things. He’s been to his handful of metal concerts and loves them. The energy and chaos excited him

Just tell him where and when and he’ll be there. Wanna dress up and wear cool makeup? Kid will absolutely join you with doing that.

He’s got some good tricks up his sleeve to make sure your makeup lasts the whole night. And there’s plenty of cool outfits to choose from his closet for the concert

The two of you are one hell of a duo, he matches you energy perfectly all throughout the night. Moshing and jumping around like you have infinite energy

Speaking of moshing, if you wanna do that he’s also 100% down for it! It’s fine and exciting

Unlike Law, making sure to stay hydrated and “safe” isn’t his specialty. Beer is his go to for concerts and a drunk Kid is certainly something

But he’s definitely protective over you. He sticks to your side the whole night and ensures you stay safe, especially if anyone knocks you down

Kid is the first one to pull you back on your feet and check if you’re alright when you go down. You know you can depend on him for that

Can’t see the stage? Without question he’ll hold you on his shoulder. Need to get somewhere? He’ll sure as hell make sure people move for you.

The both of you tend to be exhausted after concerts. It’s always the less tired and less drunk person who drives you both home

Tag list: @tsunderedoctor @cjm-cookiethief @acesmarigold @ohhbeetoe

[misstyery]

hi! your asks are still open, so i'm striking when the opportunity is available. which is now!

could i request a midoriya izuku x reader fic, in which the reader has a quirk that seems fit to be a villains, and izuku is there to stand up for them when they get made fun of?

keep up the good work! :) your stories are always fun to read<3

my hero

pairing: izuku x reader

notes: idk why this took me so long to write, but here it is ! thanks for the compliment, it makes me happy hearing that you enjoy reading my work :))))))))) ( also i suck at like mean or rude dialogue so the bully‘s dialogue might be kinda lame 🤡 )

word count: 0.8k

“ that’s why hawk's growth is so amazing, he’s only 20 years old and is already moving so fast in the hero world! i mean, he has his own agency and sidekicks and is one of the top heroes right now, most upcoming heroes can only dream of starting out like him! “ you smile and nod along as you listen to izuku’s latest pro-hero analysis. his scarred fingers were intertwined with yours, and he subconsciously squeezed it whenever he said something that excited him. really, he was so adorable.

as you two walk towards the lunch room, you hear muffled snickers and choked laughs. in the hallway is another group of kids, and as you pass them by they all quickly avert their eyes from you, still trying to hide their teasing smiles. you know they’re laughing at you and you can hear bits of what they’re saying, “ ...quirk...villain...monster…”. a frown settles on your face and you focus your attention back to you and izuku’s conjoined hands. it’s because of your quirk. you were putting yourself out there when you participated in the sports festival; and you were aware of the things that would be sad about you and your quirk, but you still felt a sharp pang in your chest.

izuku glances at you and slowly trails off, eyebrows furrowing in concern and confusion. his eyes then land on the ( now loudly laughing ) group of kids on the other side of the hall. as he watched them laugh and make fun of you, he feels the urge to say something, anything, to defend you. but his voice seems to get trapped in his throat and the two of you keep walking towards the lunchroom in somber and tense silence.

“ y/n, are you okay?” he asks gently. you nod and muster up a fake smile, “ yeah, izu. I’ve heard things like that countless times before, you get used to it. “. izuku can tell this is an act, and that their words had an effect on you. before he can respond, you pull him over to your usual table with todoroki, iida, uraraka, and tsuyu. the incident stays in the back of izuku’s mind the rest of lunch, and he swears to himself that he'll defend you if it happens again.

the day goes by with no more incidents, and you finish up the last class of the day, tired and ready to spend the rest of the afternoon with izuku. you swung you and izuku’s intertwined hands back and forth, observing the other students walking back to their dorms after a long day. up ahead you see the same kids from earlier, talking and laughing together. you become a little tense and you stop swinging you and izuku’s arms. izuku doesn’t have to follow your gaze to know why your mood dampened all of a sudden.

the other kids notice you two and cruel smirks morph onto their faces. “ well if it isn’t UA’s resident monster, boy aren’t we glad to see you. “ one of them jeers, the others snickering along with them.

you look off dejectedly, but your head snaps back up in surprise when you hear izuku pipe up. “ there’s nothing wrong with their quirk! “ izuku retorts, face set in a deep frown. “ they’re not a villain, and their quirk is amazing. they’ll be a great hero and already have so much talent and potential! “

the kids stop laughing and eye izuku up and down, faces morphing into agitated sneers. “ y’know, you two make a really cute couple. i mean, you two really complement each other. you’re plain and boring, and they’re a freak monster! a perfect pair i think. “ one of them says with faux kindness.

izuku’s face twists into an even deeper frown and before he can respond you tug on his hand and lead him away from the group and back to the dorms. once in his room you close the door with a heavy sigh.

“ y/n, why’d you pull me away i was-“ you cut him off with a kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning your body against his. he tenses up before relaxing into the kiss, resting his hands on your waist. you part from his lips and gaze into his eyes, a content smile on your face. a dopey smile rests on his face and his hands tighten on your waist slightly.

“ thank you, ‘zuku. you’re my hero.” you say softly. he wraps his arms fully around your waist and falls back onto his bed, taking you down with him. you laugh and snuggle into his chest, closing your eyes and listening to his beating heart.

[trekkiehood]

Bleeding Out - SPN Fanfic

@febuwhump : Day 3 - Blood Loss

Title: Bleeding Out

Fandom: Supernatural

Words: 892

Setting: Stanford Era, Brotherhood AU

Whumpee: Dean

Ship: None

Ao3 Link

Summary: After Sam goes to college Dean gets hurt on a hunt and he's completely alone.

Trigger Warnings: Blood, Possible Character Death, Pain, Lonliness

Authors Note:

Takes place Sometime after Dragon Slayer

Dean is 23 Sam is 18 Caleb is 31

I'm tired. This is dark. Idk if there will be more or not. Enjoy it or don't. Not beta'd.

---

Dean knew he was going to die. It had never been so clear to him. The worst thing about it? He was going to die completely alone.

He had never been completely alone before. Sure he had felt alone, but at least he had people around him then. He'd resigned himself to not mattering nearly as much to people as they mattered to him. But he'd never expected to actually be alone. He'd thought that when the time came he'd have his dad at the least. Maybe Sammy. Or Caleb. Or maybe even Jim and Mac. Even Bobby would be better than being alone.

Who was he kidding? He'd take Joshua at this point.

Dean stumbled out of the woods, thankful the Wendigo was dead and he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. That was a plus. But the wound in his side- it was bad. It had gotten a good was bleeding. A lot. And it wasn't slowing down. He might make it to the car, but he'd never be able to drive anywhere.

He really didn't want to die alone.

With shaking hands, he pulled out his cellphone. The service wasn't great but he had enough bars to make it work. He tried his dad first, not expecting an answer. He didn't get one. Just like he hadn't since he'd last been in the hospital. Then again, he might not even care. Afterall, hadn't he bailed before even speaking to his critically injured son last time? Why would he come out of hiding for the real thing?

Sam was out of the question. He wouldn't answer. And if these truly were his final moments, that wasn't what he wanted to be thinking about. Sam was happy. He'd leave him be.

Damien might not answer either. They'd found it easier not to talk than to somehow try to straddle whatever rules they were supposed to follow when with each other. Caleb would be there for Dean if he needed him, but John's orders had complicated things.

He tried him anyway. No answer. That one hurt. He doubted Caleb was outright ignoring him. He'd get a call back later. But there was a time when Caleb would answer no matter what was going on. But they had both grown up. And Dean had gone from not being allowed to be alone, to, it seemed, not be allowed to be with people. Was a phonecall to his best friend in his dying moments really roo much to ask?

Bobby. There was still Bobby. Bobby had to answer his phone. It was literally his job to sit by the phone and help hunters.

One ring. Two ring. An Answer.

"Hello?"

"Bobby." Dean sighed.

"Dean,: The answering sigh was unexpected. "You know I can't tell you anything."

"No-wait, that's not-"

"I know he's your Daddy, but he's also the Knight. He'll turn up when he's good and ready."

"Bobby please="

"I'm sorry Dean. I got in enough trouble last time. I'll call you back when things settle down." A click emphasized the end of the conversation.

Dean let out a sob, really feeling the effects of the blood loss now. He felt himself going down when his hands hit something solid. The Impala. He'd made it back to the car. He should get in it. Yeah that wasn't going to happen.

The Impala was the only thing keeping him from falling face first into the ground. Dean used it to slowly slide down to the ground. He needed to lay down. He needed to lay down right now. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. His breathing had sped up as well. And he didn't feel… real. Funny. Maybe he wasn't real. Pastor Jim said one you were real you couldn't become unreal, but then Pastor Jim had never been completely abandoned by everyone he cared about.

His head hit the ground with a little more force than he'd meant to. The stars he was seeing bounced on the impact. There were other people, right? More people he cared about?

Mac? He was a doctor maybe-

"Dr. Mackland Ames office." Wrong number but close enough.

"Yeah, yeah I need to talk to him."

"I'm sorry to who?" The receptionist's too sweet voice was making his head swim.

"M-Mac."

"I'm sorry Mr. Ames is in an important meeting. Can I take a message?"

Dean hung up without even offering an answer.

There was only one other person he knew to call. The phone at the Farm was ancient, but answered more often than Jim's cell. Dean knew he only had one call left in him and could only hope there'd be an answer.

There wasn't. A recorded message informed him that the pastor was out on calls and if you left a message he would get back to you this evening.

He didn't leave a message.

Dean felt himself slipping now. He'd lost too much blood. He could make a call for 9-11 but they wouldn't get there in time. He was so tired. There was no one to hold on for. No voice reminding him to stay awake. Nothing. He was so tired.

A blurry green blob approached him and incomprehensible words were spoken. It didn't matter. His eyes slipped closed and he succumbed to unconsciousness.

~TH~

Idk if there will be more or not. Could possibly go day 11 but idk.

No Caleb is not ignoring Dean. No Jim is not ignoring Dean. Bobby's not trying to be a jerk. Dean is self deprecating but it doesn't necessarily reflect accurately on those he's thinking about.

I really like tomorrows personally. Still trying to post every day but have gotten behind on writing bc of school. We'll see what happens.

Let me know if you like this one - even if it's super depressing.

God bless,

Jamie

[oneemotionalblender]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader - Ghost of You

Heyy guyys ! Well , here we go ....

Warnings : sadness , death , some no-no words , possibly Endgame spoilers

Yepp , this one's sad :(

Based on : Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer

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All my life I have been asking myself one question . What is love ?

Is it a feeling of pure bliss ?

Is it just a chemical reaction ?

Is it something everyone will find ?

Should we even look for love ?

Or , is it something straight from fairytales for children ?

Is love only for children ?

I have settled on the last statement . Love is for children .

People fall in love , and then what ?

How do we know if it's really love ?

How do we know if it isn't only excitement , of something new ?

That's what I was asking myself .

Now I know what love is . Love is pain . Love is pure pain . You see , when you leave someone because they cheated on you ,it's easier because somewhere deep , deep inside you know they weren't worth it . Yes , you cry for some time but that's life . Eventually you can move on . Because you know if they really loved you , they would never do something to hurt you . They would try to do everything in their power to make you feel good , make you feel loved . Even if it meant let you go , because they know you deserve better , that you will be better .

But true pain ? True heartbreak ? Is when you lose someone . When life just decides to take them from you . That's true hurt . Because you know that you will never see them again . You will never be able to feel their touch again . Because everything will once fade away . Their smell on your sheets , the lipstic stains from their favorite mug , the books they loved to read , they will just sit there , as dust will settle on them , because you don't want to touch them . They are one of the things they touched the last . You imagine as their delicate fingers touched them . And you know you're not ready . To let them go . To move on . And maybe , you'll never be .

Love has this effect . Just pure pain . Because no one is here forever , and you know it . But you're still broken when it happens . Because the saddest thing is when you are feeling completely damaged , you look around and realize that there in no shoulder for you to cry on .

*Your POV*

Here I am waking up , still can't sleep on your side .

I fluttered my eyes open , streched my arms and sat on my bed . I looked at the untouched side . Her side . I felt tears forming in my tired eyes .

I made my way to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror .

Bloodshot , red eyes from crying . Check .

Hair in all the directions . Check .

Dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep . Check .

Face that looks like a it has survived the apocalypse . Check .

It's been two weeks since we saved the universe . Two weeks since we killed Thanos . Two weeks since Tony sacrificed himself . Two weeks since .... I lost her .

I laughed at myself . How come one person can make you so desperate ? I don't know , but she did . I tought about the day I met her .

What the hell does he want now ?!

Oh right , let me clear it up for you . My name is Y/N Y/L/N . I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent . And I kind of have telekinesis powers too . I'm a level 8 agent , so I know pretty much about everything . Not like Fury , obviously . His secrets have secrets , for God's sake . And he's the person who called me right now . He didn't say anything . Just "Come to my office ." So that's where I'm going right now .

I open the door to see Fury , and a beautiful red-head , which I recognise as Natasha Romanoff , the famous Black Widow .

"You wanted to see me boss ?" I kept a straight face .

"Yes . Agent Y/L/N , you have made a lot of progress since you came here . I assume you know about the Avengers ." He looked at me . Where the hell is this even going ?

"Since you are an amazing spy-"

"Hold up , was that a compliment ?" I smirked and Fury sighed .

"I'm flattered , really." Heh

"Y/N , let me finish ."

"Ok , continue ."

"As I was saying , you are also very skilled at hand-to-hand combat ." I smirked again .

"This must be my lucky day." I said .

"Ok , sorry . Continue ."

"I am now offering you a spot on the team . The question is , are you ready for it ?" OMG OMG OMG

"I am boss . I won't let you down ."

"I know you won't , otherwise I wouldn't be giving you this offer . Romanoff will now escort you to your new home , the Avengers Tower ."

I sighed . That was a long time ago . Now everything is different .

I put on leggins and some random shirt . At this point I absolutely don't care how I look .

If I could dream long enough , you tell me I'll be just fine , I'll be just fine .

She would want me to move on . I know she would . But I don't know if I'll be able to do that . She was the one person in the world I would die for , and I know she would do the same for me . And she did . She did it for all of us .

"See you in a minute ."

A minute turned to an hour . An hour turned into a week . A week turned into a month . A minute became forever .

"Clint , where's Nat ." Steve asked and looked at Clint . I did the same . Big mistake . I saw his tears stained cheeks , red eyes and empty stare . He looked at me . No . No , no , no , no . This is wrong . This can't be true . I looked at the others . They figured out what is going on . Cap had tears in his eyes and Tony looked at the verge of crying too . I ran out of the room , tears blurred my vision . I opened the door to our room and colapsed on bed . I cried into her pillow . Why ? Why her ? It should have been me . And all of it for that goddamn glowing stone . It wasn't worth it . Where's the "We don't trade lives" now Cap , huh ? She promised me . She promised she would come back . It should have been me .

I wiped away the tears that stained my cheeks . It should have been me .

So I drown it out

Like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

I look around the kitchen . I see her favorite cup , her favorite fruit , her favorite kind of cereal . Everything is reminding me of her . I look at the seat beside me and for a brief moment I see her there . And everything is fine . But then I realize that it's only my imagination . That my dreams about me and her dancing are just my imagination .

So I drown it out

Like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

That my feet don't dance

Like they did with you

"Hey Nat" I gently layed the blood red rose on her grave .

"I don't even know why I came here , talking to an empty grave , but look at me ." I chuckled .

"Anyways , Clint is sending you a hug . The kids miss their auntie Nat . And I miss my Nat too . God I miss you so much Natasha , you can't even imagine . If you were here you would laugh at me for being so pathetic . But you're not . You're not here and that fucking kills me . I don't know how I can live without you . I loved you so much Romanoff . God who am I kidding , I love you so much Romanoff . Why can't you come back to me ?! Why is the universe so cruel ? I just want you back . You should be right here next to me . Anyways , sorry I didn't came sooner . I couldn't bring myself to it . We lost Tony too um, but I guess you already know that . Cap is now officialy a fossil , you would be proud . We had a funeral for you , even tough you probably wouldn't want one . But you deserve it . It was nice , just us , the people you loved and the people that loved you . Because they did , they really did . I'm still crying every night and honestly , I'm used to it by now , even though you know how I hate crying . Well , I have a meeting with Fury , you know how those go . I should probably be on my way now . I will come here every friday ok ? I promise ." I have gently blew a kiss to the sky .

"Natasha , I just want you to know , that no matter what you say or think ,

You are a hero .

And you wiped that red away a long time ago . I'm gonna miss you , probably forever . I'm not sure if I can move on from you . You were the one , I know it now . And maybe , just maybe , when the time is right , I will see you again . Ok um , say hi to Tony from me , ok ? I love you ."

I gently laid my fingers on her grave . I sighed .

Maybe someday ....

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Well , that's it . Was it ok ? Idk

Thoughts ?

Love ya <3

[life-love-and-alcohol]

Heyy I have a request: ok so I have this idea that Chris, Phichit, Yuuri and Viktor go to a Karaoke and they make teams, so Viktor and Chris choose songs for Yuuri and Phichit and like they choose BTS for Y and P and they act like they don't know the songs like "so just because I'm Japanese you think I would know kpop?" And when the lyrics start they both know the whole choreography and song, and V&C just stay like SHOOK jajaja idk something like that Btw I love how you write 😍

aaaa, I call this piece: “How to lose your every follower” by Sofía. Seriously, this is pure crack I’m so sorry. I’m not familiar with k-pop so I had to look up and it was quite a journey XD Anyways….I hope you at least laugh, this is so stupid hahah

Viktor knew there were many things alcohol could do.

Believe him, he had his sources.

He knew, from some vague chemistry lesson at the back of hismind (and that time he accidentally burnt the cabinet), that alcohol was highlyinflammable.

He knew, because of that really cool movie with the injuredsoldier, that it could be used as disinfectant (even though it burnt like abitch on raw flesh).

He knew, despite the fact the labels didn’t warn about it,that it could cause quite fervent phone calls to ex-lovers at three fifteen inthe morning.

And he knew, out from mere experience, that seven shots ofvodka were enough for Yuuri to start stripping.

He wasn’t surprised, honestly, just highly amused, wheneverthe euphoria kicked in and his fiancé started losing garments. It was theobvious, the finale everyone was waiting for, the happy ever after at the endof each fairy tale.

So that night, after he had gulped down his seventh mouthfulof the evening, not only Viktor but also Chris and Phichit knew what wascoming. In fact, anyone who had ever met Yuuri totally would have known whatwas coming. His family, any other skater, that waiter at the restaurant inMoscow that had had to personally detach him from the chandelier once….literallyanyone could have predicted the outcome.

They had just had a competition in Tokyo, and goodperformances always brought the good need to celebrate. The group of four hadspent quite a long while at a bar, emptying their glasses and their wallets to commemoratetheir places at the podium and a close fourth, cheeks pink and endorphins highas they cheered and raised their cups. It wasn’t like Yuuri was the only onedrinking, no way, Viktor and Chris had had their fair amount too, but theyweren’t as light-weighted, and they had a better tolerance.

By the time they left the bar, Chris was practicing his freeprogram in the middle of the street and the lovebirds were all over each othermaking out against any wall they could lean onto. So Phichit, who was the onlyone walking straight, took it upon himself to guide them towards the only neon signthat was big enough for his tired eyes to see, which ended up being a karaokeplace.

Now, one would probably think that as soon as the employeessaw a twerking man, a couple touching each other asses (one of them half naked), and a boy that couldn’t even point at his own face to take a selfie, theywouldn’t let them in. But apparently they recognized them from the competition,and not only gave them a room, but also asked for their wobbly autographs.

Everything was going perfectly: Yuuri and Viktor could taketheir business to a comfier sofa, Phichit found Wi-Fi to update his Instagram,and Chris could break out his portable pole to make the singing even moreintense….but the problem came when it was the time to choose the songs.

Of course there was the full soundtrack of The King and theSkater. And of course Viktor and Yuuri had to sing the Titanic theme, withdrama and tears involved, as they held each other at the edge of the table.  And don’t even get me started on the prettymuch not safe for work Giacometti cover of “Toxic”.  But those totally self-indulgent performancesweren’t the problem. Not at all.

The conflict started when they had to choose songs for eachother.

“Ok, so…” Yuuri hiccupped, one arm around his Viktor and theother around the bottle of vodka (his lovely two V) “I sing with the hottie,you two sing together”

He spit the words rather than saying them, mouth numbed andvoice groggy, pointing at his friends with the bottle.

“Nu-uh!” Phichit shook his head “You two sang together already!I want to sing with my best bro!”

“Awww!” Yuuri threw himself from his fiancé into Phichit’sarms, who caught him delightedly, laughing at the drunken tangle of limbsaround him “Of course we gon’ sing together! We gon’ sing way many better thanthem!”

“Yuuri oh my god, your English” His friend laughed, tryingto hold him to stand still “But I think what you meant is pretty clear: we cantotally kick their asses”

“Oh?” Viktor raised a brow, resting his elbow on Christophe’sshoulder “Are you challenging us?”

“Fuck yes we are” Phichit had to untie a half-naked Yuurifrom his own body before he gave him an awkward boner “What do you say, buddy?Ready to prove your fiancé who has the pants in the relationship??”

“Well, literally speaking, not him” Christophe chuckled,pointing at the exposed blue briefs.

“You know what I mean…come on! Choose a song! Whatever it iswe’ll sing it!”

“Yeah!! Put da’ song!” Yuurikicked the table to emphasize.                          

They both looked away from thescreen, hearing the muffled whispers of their rivals as they decided theirfate, and warming up their throats as much as they could without throwing up.They were ready, whatever the song was, they would turn around and put on thebest show those two had seen in their entire lives.

However, as the music startedplaying, the only show they put up was one of utter disappointment.

“Uhm, excuse me??” Phichitsnorted, crossing his arms “Is this K-pop??”

The speakers were screaming atthe beat of Not Today by BTS.

“You racist shits!” Yuuri gasped,terribly offended, poking Viktor’s chest with much more force than intended “Isthis because we are Asian??? I’m divorcing you!”

“Are you going to tell us you don’tknow the song?”

Yuuri and Phichit exchanged a culprit look, flashbacks ofboth of them singing that track at the top of their lungs during their free nightsin Detroit flooding their minds and tugging a complicit smirk on their tipsy lips.They both agreed they didn’t need to answer that question with words…when theycould just show them.

Grabbing a microphone, Yuuri tore open the last few buttonsof his shirt that were still on and started dancing with the confidence onlypractice and alcohol could provide. Phichit didn’t stay behind, not having todig that deep into his memories to recall the dance moves, and pushing the two dumbstruckwitnesses onto the sofa with a wink. In no second, they were both singingridiculously fluent Korean, swinging their hips, completely giving their backto the lyrics on the screen. They didn’t need them, anyways.

They not only knew the song. They knew the words by heart,and the entire choreography as well.

Viktor and Christophe stared, jaws dropped, until Yuuribothered to lean over and close both of their agape mouths for neither fliesnor complaints to get in. Their voices weren’t flawless, respectable for tworandom drunkards, but shaded by their impossible drive, the energy of theirdancing, and the symmetry in their movements. Christophe didn’t know when wasthe last time he had found a decent rival for his mature eros, but he certainlywasn’t expecting to find some to the tune of K-pop.

What started out as a perfect recreation of the actual choreography,ended up distorting into a much heated up version of the sequence. And beforethe spectators could get mentally ready or pray a rosary, they both got ontothe table with a jump. The song was fierce and potent, way more than they hadimagined, and way more they ever thought those two could dance. But,apparently, they could transfer the stamina they used on the ice onto thewooden table of a karaoke room.

And Phichit decided to try out the pole dance because whythe fuck not.

To say things had turned wild and penises kind of hard, wasan understandment.

But nothing could have prepared Viktor for Yuuri sliding outfrom the table with clumsy charm, and transporting the dance moves right ontohis lap.

He stuck his knees inthe seat, one at each side of the man’s legs, letting his hips continue theirsway in rhythm with the music as he watched the world burning in the other’sbugged out eyes. He stared thoroughly, purposely, hypnotizing his victimtowards his inevitable, hungry doom.

As soon as the music stopped though, with Phichit pantingheavily and letting out a brutal shout of victory for the whole place toacknowledge, all Viktor wanted was to grab his fiancé and make him take responsibilityfor the boner in the nearest toilet stall. However, Yuuri wasn’t having it.Hips still jerking and mouth dripping, he clang onto his shoulders andwhispered a slutty “not today” beforehe passed out on his lap

And that’s the night Viktor learnt not to underestimate theeffects of alcohol EVER again.

Why haven’t they kicked me out the fandom yet?

[poems-for-oldest-daughters]

I'm really tired and I'm definitely crazy but all of them for the number ask thing

Holy shit Esther, okay. Um thanks lol You’re awesome, I love you so much omg.

Answers below the cut bc I’m feeling nice tonight.

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

1. “How Does A Moment Last Forever” - Kevin Kline (Beauty and The Beast)

2. “Belle” - Emma Watson, Luke Evans, Ensemble (Beauty and The Beast)

3. “Make You Miss Me” - Sam Hunt

4. “Beauty And The Beast” - Ariana Grande & John Legend (Lol Beauty and The Beast)

5. “Impossible” - James Aurthur

6. “Aria” - Audra McDonald (Beauty and The Beast)

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Um lets see Jared Padalecki, my soulmate @the-thirteenthhour, tumblr mom Morgan @assbutt-still-in-hell, and a whole lot of my other Tumblr peeps

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“It was unsettling to watch.”

4) What do you think about most?

I think the thought that pops into my head the most is “keep fighting.” I think about it a lot.

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

I think someone wrote a song about me once, but they said they lost the paper and I never got to see it. Other than that, I don’t think so.

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

Um yeah, spiders, clowns, spiders, clowns, and did I mention SPIDERS AND CLOWNS?

7) What’s your religion?

I’m a cradle Catholic.

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

I’m most likely sitting out side for some peace and quiet. Whether it’s snowing, sunny, and especially when it’s raining, I’ll just sit outside and close my eyes.

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Well I’m not really big on bands or anything, but I really like Panic At The Disco.

10) What was the last lie you told?

I don’t remember

11) Do you believe in karma?

Yeah, but I dont like to let her have all the fun, y’know?

12) What does your URL mean?

Sam Winchester is a reason that I’m alive. Therefore, it’s kind of an answer to a question. “Why are you alive?” - “Because Sam Winchester.”

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I think my greatest weakness is how in touch with my emotions I am, it can be problematic at times. I think my greatest strength is my ability to listen and understand people, which in turn, allows me to effectively give advice.

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

JARED PADALECKI

15) How do you vent your anger?

I usually go for a walk or cry it out by myself. If I ever vent to someone then you know I’ve reached my limit.

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

I had a collection of plastic horse toys, kind of like Breyers, but I gave them to my sister. 

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I’m not completely content with who I am yet, but I am working on it. I’m happy with how far I’ve come though.

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of people chewing and sniffing all their snot in, instead of blowing it out like a sensible person ????? I love the sound of rain and thunder storms, I also love the sound of violins and wire string guitars.

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if one day I’m not strong enough to fight anymore?

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Idk what it is, but it’s got a slightly sweet smell. I think it’s Raspberry Jam.

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

One of the worst places I’ve been was probably the wake of my baby niece when I was real small. I can’t remember anything else.

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

The most attractive male singers I’ve ever heard sing are obviously Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Idk about meaning, I don’t know if life has a meaning. I do think everyone has a purpose though.

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I don’t drive yet. Too lazy to get my permit lol as well as the fact that where I live you have to log 100 hours behind the wheel with an adult present in order to get your license unless you’re 18, I am not.

27) What was the last movie you saw?

I’m watching Moana right now.

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I tore my ACL (a ligament at the back of the knee) a year ago.

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Supernatural, Tumblr, writing, singing, Disney Movies, the ocean, Jared Padalecki/Sam Winchester, acting.

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yep

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

I hold grudges for a while, but after so long it gets tiring and pointless. However, if one does not seek forgiveness before I get tired of holding a grudge, they will be cut out of my life. I don’t need that negativity just because you’re too full of yourself to apologize for whatever you did.

32) What is your astrological sign?

Sagittaius

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

I purchased a thing of Ocean themed earrings.

34) Love or lust?

Love

35) In a relationship?

Yeah, with Netflix. 

36) How many relationships have you had?

None

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I am very good at reading people, so I lay low for a while and watch. Once I get a good feel for someone I can adjust my personality to fit theirs. It’s why I get along with so many different kinds of people.

38) Where is your best friend?

I have a few. One of them is an entire state away. One of them lives 5 minutes from me, the other two live about 20-25 minutes from me. At this moment, I don’t know specifically where any of them are.

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yeah, sometimes. 

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. I’ll explain it to my boss and if they fire me I can find a new job. I can always find a new job, but that one life is the only one the dog will get. Also, I’m just a big softy.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

(a) I don’t think I would tell anyone, at least not immediately. I wouldn’t want to be treated like I’m dying during my last days. I suppose I could tell a few very close people though, I just don’t want to be smothered.

(b) I would drop all the unnecessary responsibilities I have and start doing things that I want to do, but subtly. Still don’t want to be treated like I’m dying.

© I don’t know if I would be afraid. I like to think I wouldn’t, I might just be more sad than afraid. Sad to think about my friends and family having to live without me, sad I won’t get to do half the things I always dreamed of doing.

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

“Brother” - NEEDTOBREATHE ft. Gavin DeGraw 

&

“Simple Man” - Cover by Jensen Ackles

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

A great romantic relationship should consist of communication, understanding, and honesty. Boundaries should be respected, you should always admit when you are wrong and never leave the house or go to sleep mad at each other. The mindset should be best friends before lovers. You should always want what is best for your partner, but always remember to care for yourself too.

45) How can I win your heart?

It’s pretty easy. If you can make me laugh, but also take part in a deep, soul-searching conversation we’re practically married. 

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Absolutely

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

The single best decision I’ve made in my life so far was learning to take care of me first.

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Don’t worry bitches, I’ll be back.” Probably not that, but I think it would be funny. Maybe something more like “Here lies: Your mom…. lol jk it’s just me, [insert full name]”

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

All that came to mind was Sam Winchester. *shrug*

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Green

51) What is your current desktop picture?

A sea turtle

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I’d say probably this kid named Billy who goes to my church. If you met him you would know why.

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Oh god, okay well a lot of the time I would be afraid to tell the truth when people ask me if I’m okay. lol but don’t go asking me if I’m okay or anything after you read this cause that’s not cool.

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Oh, hell yeah, I would totally want super strength or laser eyes.

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

I think I would relive the half-hour chunk of time from my 5th birthday party when me and my best friend at the time were outside in the cold November fog riding a miniature pony. There were other kids there, but only her and I were excited about it and I would honestly give anything to go back a relive that innocent bliss.

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I think I would erase having to lose my horse just March of this year.

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I would probably sleep with Demi Lovato or Sabrina Carpenter. This is kind of a hard question because usually I only know singers for their music, not their looks or anything.

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Obviously, I’d go to see my soulmate. Although, I would have to be strategic about this. I think i would drive to go get her and then buy her ticket (bc mine’s free) and we’d go see mom. ( @assbutt-still-in-hell )

59) Ever been on a plane?

No, I don’t really want to, but I probably will at some point.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

1. Jared Padalecki

2. Jensen Ackles

3. Misha Collins

4. Gal Gadot

5. Ian Somerhalder (and Genevieve Padalecki, why tf do I only get 5????)

What can I say except you’re WELCOME! Thanks for the questions, they only took me an hour and half to do lol.

[magicrobins]

You seem to be a forerunner here on the whole Jaal issue so I hope you don't mind if I dump a whole bunch of asks on you (sorry in advance :c) While I'm very happy for him to be bi, it doesn't seem as simple to solve as 'swap dialogue pronouns and sara with scott'. It just feels like his romance so obviously caters to straight women and I want guys who romance Jaal to have a more fulfilling experience. (...)

Long answer - most under the cut!

Well thank you for asking! I’ve been with the #MakeJaalBi tag since it began so I’ve been trying to keep everyone up to date on it as much as I can. I actually was using the tag before we started to use it to get the devs and company’s attention, but it was this person’s idea for all of us to join together using the tag.

I hope I can answer your questions to the best of my ability and if anything still needs to be clarified please let me know. I’ve been really busy and tired lately so if I don’t make sense at some point, please let me know and I’ll try to word that part better or clarify what I meant. c: Also hope you don’t mind, I’m answering parts of your question as I read it. I’m reading your question as I type, hope that’s okay. Also, if any of the links in this don’t work, please let me know as that means I need to edit the links. ^^

Firstly, there is actual dialogue from Scott’s VA that was recorded for the romance, and we can assume he recorded enough for the whole romance ‘cause he seemed to assume that Jaal would be a bi romance. However, I don’t know if Jaal’s VA recorded anything that is specifically for a Scott Ryder romance because I haven’t seen any lines found or released. Now if some lines have been found, anyone who knows about them, please add the links to them to this post as I’d love to have that info.

I admittedly have not watched all of Jaal’s romance, I’ve just seen gifsets from it because it’s a bit painful for me to watch his romance right now because of everything that’s happened. However I wouldn’t be surprised if his romance is catered toward straight women - I believe we can argue that Peebee’s romance, or at least the sex scene, could be catered toward men because of how the Sara side of the romance is like a copycat of Scott’s side.

I don’t think swapping Sara for Scott in the mlm side of Jaal’s bi romance would solve the problem because the problem, itself, is the overall constant bi-erasure on Bioware’s part - I’ve known that Cullen was supposed to be a bi romance and I’ve heard the same about Solas and Sebastian though someone else would have to confirm those two as I’m not 100% sure, but that’s the Dragon Age team. What I’ve been told about the Mass Effect team is that Kaidan is believed to have almost been a bi romance in the first game (in the game’s code, itself, there are romance dialogue lines by male Shepard’s VA), and I’ve been informed that both Tali and Thane were going to be bi romances at one point. The problem is that whenever bi romances are cut, the romances are always made into straight romances rather than gay romances, giving off the feeling that Bioware caters toward its straight fans, whether or not this is true, this is how it comes off.

Now, I myself am bi (biromantic is part of my identity), however it’s necessary to remember that not all bi people are the same. ^^ You also have to remember that the romance lines we’re hearing for Jaal right now, we can easily say they’re meant for Sara. We have no clue if there’s a difference in the dialogue lines for Scott because so far, if these lines exist, they are unavailable for us. I would have to watch and compare other bi romances such as Peebee and Vetra’s, comparing what they say to Scott vs. Sara to see if there’s much of a difference. Sometimes in bi romances there are, and other times they’re not.

Most of the time when wanting a bi romance, I’ve seen that people don’t want the “gay” (using quotation marks because just because people of the same sex are dating doesn’t automatically make the relationship gay because the people in the relationship may not identify as gay, if that makes sense? Sorry if I didn’t explain that the best) half of the romance to be much, if any, different from the “straight” half. It’s often a complaint, looking at the Dragon Age team, that in Dragon Age 2, when romancing Anders, Anders tells a male Hawke about his romantic history with Karl, a man, but he doesn’t mention it to a female Hawke at all. I’ve seen that many fans of Anders’ romance wish he would tell a female Hawke that as well.

Most of the time, when I’ve seen differences between male protags and female protags romancing a bi character, it’s been in small, little bits such as compliments or ways the character refers to the protagonist. Let’s look at the Dragon Age team again for this (I’ve played more Dragon Age romances than I have Mass Effect so I apologize if majority of my examples are for Dragon Age). With Zevran’s romance, when Morrigan asks him in a party banter his reasoning for staying with them, Zevran says “ We all have our reasons for doing what we do.” however the following line depends on the sex of his protagonist (I’m using “sex” instead of “gender” because a lot of fans headcanon their protagonists with nonbinary gender identities, as I do). When romancing a female Warden, Zevran says “Mine happen to come with a set of lovely eyes.” while when romancing a male Warden, he says “Mine happen to come with a set of strong hands.” Often times, from what I’ve seen, any dialogue changes are something simple like that.

I think, when romancing Jaal, it’d be up to LGBTQ+ men (I’m using “LGBTQ+” instead of generalizing to “queer” because I know there are people in the community who do not like that word and I don’t want to offend anyone

A lot of them in fact aren’t happy with how Gil’s romance feels so much centered around gay men not being able to have babies (which ignores the existence of trans gay men) and they don’t like how often Gil talks about Jill and how she comes off as pressuring him to have a child. Now Gil’s romance didn’t come off that way to me when I first watched it, but again, I’m not a LGBTQ+ man, I don’t get to decide what’s good representation for them or not.

At this point though, let me point out that not all LGBTQ+ men have to agree on whether or not something is good representation for them. If you’re a LGBTQ+ man and you’re happy with Gil and/or Reyes and their romances, your feelings and opinions are still 100% valid just like those who are not happy.

Most of the frustration at Reyes’ romance, from what I’ve gathered, comes down to the fact that he is considered a fling (and Gil is not a squadmate and thus has less romance cutscenes than squadmate romances and less material and both Gil and Reyes’ cutscenes fade to black and you never get a sex scene like Cora or Peebee, though Liam and Vetra don’t have a sex scene from what I’ve heard either). However since the differences in how Reyes dances with Sara vs. Scott have been pointed out, many are upset about that as well. Reyes’ romance very much feels catered toward straight women.

I would honestly love for Jaal’s writer to come out and say if she/he/they (idk who wrote Jaal) wrote him as bi or not, but due to contracts, I doubt that will happen. There is coding in the game that very much suggests Jaal was meant to be bi and considering Bioware’s history with bi-erasure, it’s easy to believe that.

Now when it comes to Jaal flirting with other women on the crew, bisexuals can have preferences. Looking at Dragon Age, Zevran states his preference for women, but he still loves and adores a male Warden as much as he does a female Warden. A male Warden flirting with him doesn’t stop him playfully flirting with women in the party (see comments he has toward Wynne, which are jokingly of course. He seems to enjoy getting on Wynne’s nerves. I love Zevran so much lol). Jaal can very well have a preference for women (he has dated women in the past, I’ve heard) and still be 100% bi. Having a preference and/or having a history with only one sex doesn’t make someone any less bi (don’t worry, I don’t think you were implying it made someone less bi

It’s very possible that Jaal could act differently to a male Ryder. Every bi person is different. Some act differently when with someone of the same sex or opposite sex, some don’t. If anyone knows if Peebee or Vetra act different depending on Ryder’s sex, please let me know because I haven’t watched their romances yet. I definitely do think LGBTQ+ men would enjoy the romantic and sappy parts of the romance because it’d be different from mlm relationships being sexualized and fetishized. From what I’ve been seeing in the #MakeJaalBi, majority of people in the tag want Scott to be able to have that romantic, sappy romance.

Typically with bi romances, scenes are the same regardless of the protagonist’s sex, though there are small dialogue differences sometimes, like I talked about above. However the changes to cutscenes usually just include taking into consideration the differences between male and female bodies in the game - such as height differences and body shapes. For the most part, I’ve seen that the cutscenes themselves stay the same. Let’s look at Josephine’s romance in Dragon Age Inquisition. *SPOILERS FOR JOSEPHINE’S ROMANCE:* in the scene where you’re about to duel for Josephine, when she jumps into the Inquisitor’s arm, the Inquisitor lifts her up regardless of sex. I’ve seen this cutscene for both male and female Inquisitors and see no real differences.

However I’d like to point out, I’m not an expert on making games, this is all just my assumptions and what I’ve observed. I don’t know anything about making actual games and cutscenes.

People are allowed to ship who they want (I’m not saying you’re saying they’re not allowed to, don’t worry

When it comes to the code, if Jaal wasn’t originally bi, I don’t see why that code should be there - if the code is real. Let me point out that no one from Bioware or the Mass Effect team have authenticated the code. If the code is real, I don’t understand why it would be in the game if they never planned on Jaal being bi at all. That would just confuse me and if that’s the case and the code is real, I’d like to ask the devs why that code is in the game when they never planned on making Jaal bi. However if the code is real, chances are at one point they did plan on making Jaal bi.

I WOULD HAVE LOVED A GAY MALE TURIAN. Like holy shit yes please.

However the main issue with this whole Jaal thing is that we went from Mass Effect 3 who had Kaidan, a squadmate, as a romance available to male Shepards to no male squadmates available for a male Ryder. And from what I’ve heard - and I could be wrong - Jaal plays a big part in the game’s plot? Or one of the big plots? Overall though it feels like to the fans that Andromeda has taken a step back when it comes to mlm representation because they went from having a squadmate (Kaidan) and a crewmate (Steve) in Mass Effect 3 to a crewmate (Gil) and a fling (Reyes). I believe I pointed out earlier that non-squadmate romances get way less content than squadmate romances, but let me get some examples, okay? c:

Gil’s whole romance (uploaded by DanaDuchy) is 19:13 in length, Reyes’ whole romance (also uploaded by DanaDuchy) is 17:58, and let’s compare them to Cora’s. Cora’s whole romance (uploaded by Gamer’s Little Playground) is 27:17 (Peebeee’s romance is even longer). Now the time difference may not seem like much, but majority of squadmate romances are as long as Cora’s, if not longer. If they’re less than Cora’s, it’s usually not by much. (Again, if I’m wrong, please correct me. This is what I’ve been hearing for a long time now, though, that non-squadmate romances always have less content than squadmate romance).

I agree that this is a big mess. I think if Jaal was originally going to be bi and then cut and made straight, Bioware should have seen this whole thing coming because this isn’t their first time erasing the mlm half of a bi male romance. The queerbaiting they did also adds to the fans being upset - In my opinion this post here really helps explain it. That post also really helps to show that it looks like Scott’s VA really did think we’d have a male squadmate romanceable by a male Ryder. That post also goes into talking about the code.

I do think that a patch to make Jaal’s romance bi would be a bandage, but at this point I think that bandage is very much needed. Bioware and the Mass Effect team are going to lose fans without that bandage - whether or not anyone thinks it’s right for them to lose fans over this, we can’t deny that it will happen and is happening (especially if you read some of the #MakeJaalBi tweets). This bandage though if what we want. You have to cover up the wound, you have to apply some pressure to get it to stop bleeding. Bioware and the Mass Effect team need to bandage our wounds, in a metaphorical sense, before they can work on healing these wounds.

Healing these actual wounds, I would suggest should happen in the next game. They need to make a bi!Jaal patch for Andromeda as a bandage and then continue to work toward better LGBTQ+, specifically mlm, representation in their games. If they bring back the Andromeda crew in the next game, add way more to Gil’s romance. Don’t have Gil’s romance fade to black after just a little bit of kissing on a bed because that really pissed people off, especially after they saw how explicit Cora and Peebee’s romances can get (also Jaal’s romance gets explicit, and mlm fans feel that if Jaal was originally going to be bi, the one explicit mlm romance was cut and that’s understandably upsetting). I would also say that add more to Reyes’ romance. They can keep Reyes on his planet, but make his romance more official than a fling and also make sure that intimate moments with Scott aren’t stiff when compared to Sara’s.

Also in future games, add more mlm romance options in general, and don’t make them all human. LGBTQ+ men in the fandom want to romance hot male aliens like everyone else gets to romance the hot aliens. A gay male Turian or Quarian I think the fans would love that.

Making Jaal bi would certainly come off as damage control, and that’s what it would be, but it would also be a sign that the devs and Bioware listen to their LGBTQ+ and mlm fans and actually give two shits about these fans feeling hurt and betrayed once again.

Let’s also look at the Angara real quick. Gay marriage is a thing for the Angara. Yet all Angaran romance options (I believe there is a female Angaran romance that’s considered a fling) are heterosexual. This doesn’t add up to the fans, including myself.

But anyways, making Jaal bi would be, in a sense, damage control that Bioware and their devs desperately need in my opinion. If they make Jaal bi, the devs will get shit, I know for sure, from homophobic/biphobic fans about “giving in” and they’ll say we bullied or harassed them into getting what we want (when in fact we’ve been making sure the tag is used positively and that no one is bullying the devs ‘cause we are taking the possibility that they can’t say anything due to contracts seriously. If anyone is using the tag negatively, we don’t support them and how they’re using the tag).

Don’t worry, I didn’t take this as a “vehement stance against bi!Jaal.” ^^ You were very kind and I’d rather people be like you and just ask/talk this out than attack the tag (someone on Twitter literally said whoever started #MakeJaalBi should kill themselves :| I’d link to the tweet, but I’ve blocked and reported that person so I can’t get to that tweet).

I really hoped this helped, and if you have any more questions or anything else, I’m always free to talk (well free-ish. Currently in the process of moving, so I’ll get back to anyone as soon as I can. I do have some comments on another #MakeJaalBi post that I need to eventually reply to. >