#also i've got a birthday in like a week and i'm looking forward to that

[sonicchaoscontrol]

AIKAJWJSKSJDIWKA HELLO YOU’RE BACK! IVE BEEN WAITING. FOR TWO YEARS. How have you been doing since then? I’m glad to see you’re on a role once again!

//squats menacingly

[HELLO HELLO I am doing FABULOUSLY, and I hope you & everyone else reading this is doing the same!! I've been heckin' BUSY trying to play catch-up on this silly AU & gnawing through the bars of the containment zone trying not to ramble about future plans - you know, just normal things! It's been goin' alright though, and not a day went by on that hiatus that I didn't think about coming back to this when the time was right. Why the blazes did I avoid this series/niche for so long? Beats me, but I'm glad to be back.]

[dredshirtroberts]

listen. I know my family is bad at communication and acknowledgement of receipt of Thing but when the one thing that consistently happens semi-annually is that I get fussed at for not confirming I received something, it irks me a smidge.

Like if I'm expected to always confirm "Hey I got your [communication/gift]" then why aren't they doing it back? Especially considering the communication in this instance has really actually very important information they will want to know if they want to stay in contact with me.

Like????

Even if I'd just gotten a "K" in response, like. at least it would have let me know they got the damn thing. I sent this email TWO WEEKS AGO and only one person responded - and it was practically immediate too. Like... i know folks are busy, i know shit's going on. I get it. But it would help me feel so much less like I'm suddenly a pariah in the family out of nowhere if like one of the people I'd sent this to had just responded in some way shape or form.

I'd have answered a phone call - i wouldn't have liked it, but i'd have done it. A letter in the mail to my current address even. a message in a bottle probably wouldn't get to me because i'm pretty far from the beaches of the great lakes, and also they're even farther, but like. something right?

my sister at least confirmed she got it and just forgot to respond. i imagine that's what happened with everyone else because we have the same mental illnesses and look. i do it too. but also? also?? i was hounded to respond quickly to things, i was told off every time i wasn't responding within a half hour of any communication. I was asked instantly the next time they saw me if I'd gotten it, even if i hadn't had a chance to see the thing yet.

So forgive me, family, if I'm a little peeved off that all y'all are allowed to "forget to respond" for two whole fucking weeks and then a few extra days (because it's been 2 weeks, 3 days exactly) when i can't let something sit in the mailbox for 2 days because i couldn't get to my mailbox easily while living on my own without getting a phone call or text or email that there should be something waiting in there for me.

*enraged screeching*

[subbmissivesuccubus]

I don't know if this kink has a name but I am just obsessed with super casual boob play lmao

Also!!?? Thank you guys for helping me reach 2K followers! It's so exciting and i've been having so much fun writing and reading the smut on this website. Here's to many more stories which hopefully give you the tingles <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, so that's the groceries we need for this week."

"Mmm."

"Oh, don't forget to buy flowers! It's my moms birthday tomorrow."

"Mmm."

"Are you even listening?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest as you glared at your boyfriend, the man simply staring at you.

"Mmm."

"Ok, so that's a no." you said, rolling your eyes before snapping your fingers in front of your boyfriends face, the man jumping and blinking a few times as he was brought back to reality.

"Can you pay attention now?" you asked sternly.

"Sorry. I was too busy staring at your tits." he said honestly, making you sigh. There he goes again with his very obvious boob obsession, your man having a clear fetish for your breasts.

"Well, if you continue to ignore me, you won't see my boobs for a week."

"Or, you flash them to me now, I promise I'll remember every single word you say."

"Oh my God."

"Come here, baby. Come here." he begged, hands reaching out to quickly grab you by the hips and drag you forward, his nails digging into the fabric of your skirt as he all but manhandled you onto his lap, smiling at you as he got your legs to straddle his waist.

"You're a degenerate." you snarled as you placed your hands on his shoulder, more than familiar with this particular song and dance.

"I'm your degenerate. And besides, this is your fault you know." he said, casually fisting the hem of your t-shirt before pulling it up, "If you didn't have such perfect titties, I wouldn't be like this!"

"So you weren't obsessed with boobs before you met me?" you questioned, allowing him to tug the t-shirt upto your chin, the man greedily looking at your bra covered breasts. Not having the patience to take the shirt off of you completely, he simply pulled it over your head so it looped around the back of your neck, your arms still in the sleeves but he didn't care as all he wanted was access to his favorite part of you.

"Of course not." he said confidently as he all but face planted into your cleavage, groaning in delight as he pushed his face in as deep as he could go, "I only got obsessed when you came into the picture."

You huffed, trying to fight the blood rushing to your face and between your legs as you fisted a hand through his hair, tugging at it a bit as you got his attention:

"Are you going to listen to me now?"

"Mmhmm." your boyfriend groaned, nodding a yes against your boobs, truly happy being surrounded by your plump flesh. Sighing, you once again told him what he needed to buy for groceries, allowing him to grope and kiss you wherever he wanted. His tongue ran over your skin, huffing and humming in response every time you asked him if he was listening.

He soon pushed your bra up as well, too eager to bother unhooking it as he placed it against your collarbone, the elastic of the band digging into your skin and making your tits look even more delicious than before. He opened his mouth and took a nipple in, closing his eyes as he started suckling gently, his arms wrapped around you and pulling you in closer.

"H-Hey..." you moaned, gripping his hair tighter as he suckled on you, "It's getting late. You need to leave before the stores close."

"Mmhmm. I know." he muttered against you, tongue coming out to flick at your nipples a few times before he moved to the other breast, giving her the same treatment, "Just- fuck- give me a minute."

You sighed, jumping as you felt his hands move down to your ass, taking greedy gropes of your butt as he lost himself in the sensation of your breast in his mouth.

Yeah, you were not getting your groceries today.

~~~~~

You slipped away from the group of friends in the living room to your bedroom, wanting to get your phone which had hopefully finished charging by now. As you were checking your phone and responding quickly to a few messages, you suddenly felt a hand on your waist that swiftly moved upwards and groped your right breast.

"Eh-hey!" you hissed softly, head snapping back towards your boyfriend, his touch so familiar that you instantly knew it was him, "Cut it out! We have guests!"

"I know but I just need one suck, ok?" he asked even as his other hand came up to start unbuttoning your shirt dress, "I'll be super quick, I promise."

"You- ah!" you squealed as he got the buttons undone enough to expose your bra, his fingers digging into the cup of the right side to pull it down, revealing your bare breast to the crisp air. He turned you around and quickly bent down and took the nipple into his mouth. Your head kept snapping between him sucking your nipple and the door, on edge as if anyone walks in, it would be very obvious.

Your man groaned as he suckled on your nipple, eyelashes tickling your skin as he closed his eyes. The sound of the TV and chattering was loud enough to thankfully drown out his groans, your boyfriend suckling you so hard it made your toes curl.

"Wh-you-" you hissed as his hand quickly pulled down the other cup of your bra and exposed your other breast, "You said only one!"

"I know but I can't not suck her too!" he protested, giving your left nipple a greedy lick, "she'll get jealous!"

"What the fuck are you talking abooouuttt!" you gasped as he suddenly took the nipple in and sucked on it as well, just as vigorously. You stood there for a few seconds, allowing your maniac of a boyfriend to suck and feel you up before he finally pulled away.

"Just what I needed. Thank you baby." he said, kindly helping you stuff your tits back into your bra and right your dress, giving your tits a final squeeze before he walked out of the room, leaving you a frustrated mess with your nipples tingling.

What a menace.

~~~~~

It was movie night, one of your favorite ways to spend time together. It was always a treat to just relax with your boyfriend, put on a random movie, eat popcorn and talk.

And of course, he also loved that he gets to play with your tits the whole time.

You huffed as your boyfriend pulled you onto his lap, his legs spread wide to accommodate you between them. Bowl of popcorn in hand, you munched away at the treat even as your man slid his hands up your shirt, aiming for your breasts.

"Ew, why are you wearing a bra?" he asked, clicking his tongue as his hands got in contact with the soft fabric.

"Sometimes I like having my boobs supported by something, ok? Fucking sue me."

"You don't need a bra to support your tits when you have my hands. I'm taking it off."

Before you could even protest, your man slid his hands to your back and unhooked the bra masterfully, practically an expert at it at this point. He was about to push the straps down your arms and pull the bra out from under your shirt but then he realized- why are you wearing a shirt? You might as well be topless as he was going to play with your boobs the whole time anyway.

So with your shirt and bra tossed onto the floor, you tried your best to focus on the movie playing on screen even as your boyfriend happily groped away at your tits. Ample flesh spilling out between his fingers, he squeezed you like a toy- like your tits were something he could use to alleviate stress. Occasionally, he'd flick his fingers over your nipples, working them up to stiff peaks before gently pinching them between his thumb and index finger. He'd place his hands underneath your breasts, cupping them before he bounced them up and down, loving the feeling of your heavy flesh landing on his palms, the ripple of your breasts on impact instantly making his cock hard.

And of course, as usual, once he was done playing with his hands (which was practically an hour long activity), he'll move onto his mouth. Your body automatically moved along with him as he lifted you up a bit higher onto his lap, looping an arm over his shoulder so he had the space to lean down and take a nipple into his mouth.

"Y-You're not even watching the movie, are you?"

"Mm-mmm" he responded, shaking his head no against your breast, his response making you shiver. You rolled your eyes and continued to watch the movie, failing at it even before he started sliding his hand into your pants.

~~~~~

Of course, your boob obsessed boyfriend can't sleep unless it's on said boobs.

"Take it offfff!" he whined, wrestling with you as he harshly tugged at your shirt.

"It's cold!" you protested as you tried to pull the fabric back down over you, "I'm going to freeze!"

"I'll keep you warm! You know the rules- no clothes in bed."

"You're wearing clothes!"

"Yes but I don't have a pair of delicious tits that are just begging to be suckled!"

"Oh my God- fine, how about this?" you asked, slapping his hand away from your shirt before you pulled up upto your chin, flashing him your bare boobs, "Just get in here and I get to keep the shirt on."

"...Why didn't you just say so?"

You grunted as you were tackled, pushed to lie down on the bed as your boyfriend landed on top of you, face first into your tits. You pulled your shirt over his head, covering the dopey smile on his face as he used his hands to push your tits against him, shaking his head from side to side as he motorboated you.

He thankfully still had some sense to pull the blanket over the two of you and you were able to dim the lights, whipping your phone out so you can get some screen time before you went to sleep. You felt wetness on your left nipple, your boyfriend finally done with shaking your fat tits in his face.

His tongue ran in circles over the hard bud, dragging it slowly as he knew he could take his time. He started flicking your bud harshly, his hot tongue making you shiver with each flick. Eventually, he sealed his lips around it, groaning happily as he started to suck. He was noisy- moaning like he was eating a delicious meal and the slobbering noises of him feasting on you making your ears ring, the pressure he used to suckle on you keeping you on your toes.

As he sucked on the left one, his hand came up to play with the right, toying with her as he got her ready to be sucked next. He rubbed the nipple around with his thumb before pinching it gently, giving her a few twists once in awhile. He was latched onto the same nipple for almost 30 minutes before he moved onto the next one, but not before dragging himself from underneath your shirt and pushing the fabric upto your chin.

Fuck it. You were falling asleep and now your body was running hot so you didn't really care.

"Baby... I want-" he gave your nipple a kiss before he snuggled his face into the fat of your breast before looking up at you, "I want to drink your milk. Make it for me."

"How many biology lessons did you fail for you to think that's possible?" you asked, your eyelids drooping and voice heavy.

"Why are you not pregnant yet? I cum in you like, everyday."

"...You know I'm still on birth control."

"I know but I'm confident I can defeat it."

"Mmkay, keep dreaming. Now shut up- i'm gonna sleep."

"...Stop taking your birth control."

"I'm not having a baby just so you can drink some breast milk."

"Of course not. We'll have a baby because we're in love and we'll be together forever!"

You opened one eye and looked down at him, letting him know you were not impressed.

"...And so I can drink your milk."

"Just keep sucking or sleep."

He pouted before he took your left nipple into his mouth.

~~~~~

Gojo Satoru, Haibara, Shanks, Sanji, Luffy, Ace, Kaeya, Kaveh, Childe, Cyno, Itto, Uzui, Sanemi, Eren, Jean etc. etc.

[tojisbbg]

𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚

❝and i know that i've been the worst, but i love you better.❞  

♡ toji fushiguro ♡

a/n: need him to fill all of my holes asap! 🥰 also, two posts in one day?!

reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated <3

content: ex!toji fushiguro x fem!reader, age gap!! (reader is 23 and toji is 31), smutty smut (lolol), not edited.

---

it's the middle of december, the air was crispy cold outside and despite begging your landlord to put the heater on blast in your apartment; your king-sized bed always felt like an ice plate.

of course, the size of the bed was intended to be shared with another human being. your boyfriend— well, now ex-boyfriend; toji. however, the breakup between you both was sudden, ending a little bit before thanksgiving.

this was the first time in three years that you've gone back to your parent's house for the holidays without toji. it was dreadful, having to distance yourself from nosy relatives who were bombarding you with questions about where your boyfriend was.

not having the energy or heart within you to explain the whole story, you gave them the excuse that he was working on thanksgiving. it was the most believable excuse you could come up with, as your boyfriend was quite much older than you, by eight years to be precise.

of course, your parents were strictly against your relationship at first, but, just as how toji was able to charm himself into your heart, it didn't take much longer until your parents would give in and melt. toji was mature, charming and he knew how to handle you.

you both loved to spend the holidays together, not to mention that his birthday overlapped during new years. now, you're only looking forward to forgetting the vast memories of him, which continue to haunt you this rough winter season.

you were trying to find the perfect position to fall asleep in, but, your room was so cold that it made it hard for you to concentrate on sleep. it was snowing outside, and the landlord clearly didn't give a single flying fuck about your comfort.

after a few minutes of fighting with yourself, you finally could feel your eyes grow heavy with sleep. it wouldn't be long until you could hear your bedroom door crack open, eyebrows pinching in confusion.

you couldn't tell if you were hallucinating or almost about to get kidnapped or murdered in the comforts of your own house.

your heart began to thump in your chest, feeling scared minute by minute as you could hear the heavy footsteps of the figure approach your bed. you regretted everything, you wanted toji by your side to protect you from whatever monster stood in front of your body, to hold you tight in his arms to keep you warm like every year because he knew that you get cold easily.

you missed toji.

suddenly, the blanket tucked under your back and butt got lifted before there was a dip in the bed behind you. a strong pair of arms wrapped around your waist, followed by the familiar scent of the cologne and body wash that is engraved into your brain.

"toji?" you mustered up the courage to call out the name you prayed to god for. he shoved his face in the crook of your neck, and just by feeling the rough skin of his lip scar on your flesh, you knew that it was him.

"it's just me, i'm here." he mumbled into your skin before pressing a tender kiss on your shoulder.

"why are you here?" you sighed, not even bothering to tell him to stop his ministrations of kissing your nape and rubbing his hands on your hips.

"had a feeling that you were cold." toji answered in a gruff voice before yawning.

"you know we can't-"

"go to sleep, y/n. we'll talk about it tomorrow." he cut you off before scooping your body closer to his. if it weren't for the fact that this was by far the warmest you've felt in your own bed within these past two weeks, maybe you would've screamed at him before kicking him out.

---

you were grateful to whoever proposed the idea that college student should get long breaks for christmas. it was still pretty early in the morning, maybe around six in the morning? you were warm and tucked away into toji's chest the entire night as you both peacefully slumbered.

you stirred awake when you felt disconnected from his touch, forcing an eye open to see that toji turned to face the other way; leaving you could and abandoned. you whined in annoyance, scooting over to him as you tugged on his shirt. toji, who was snoring in deep sleep, groaned from the gentle shakes.

"hm?" he hummed, eyes still closed, but he was half-awake now.

"cold." you briefly said, making him let out a deep sigh.

"come here." toji replied with a groggy voice as he opened his arms to invite you into his embrace once again. you snuggled closer to him as he hugged you tight.

yet, it seemed like that wasn't enough.

you kept fidgeting in his arms, continuing to either tighten your hold on his large and beefy figure and rolling more into him until you finally rolled on top of him. you were literally holding onto him like a koala.

"jesus, i'm not going anywhere, you brat." toji groaned, feeling your weight on his body. you sat up, now straddling his waist, letting out an annoyed huff. toji decided to watch you pout through his half-lidded eyes.

suddenly, you began to take off your shirt and the hello kitty printed pajama pants you wore, roughly throwing them on them floor. toji's eyes widened as you were now sitting on top of him, half-naked.

you gave him a small glare before pointing at his t-shirt and sweats.

"off. now." you demanded, getting off of toji as you watched him sit up with his bed messy hair. he obliged to your command, not finding the energy to argue back with you or ask any questions this early in the morning.

the man just wanted to go back to sleep.

so, toji did as you said, taking off all his clothes until he was left only in his boxers. you took a minute to soak in the sight of his godly sculpted body as he slipped back into the covers.

without any hesitation, you threw yourself on top of him, wrapping your arms and legs around him. it took everything in you to not moan out in bliss as the skin to skin touch between you two immediately transmitted his body warmth to you.

toji's body was perfect for hugging during any season, especially winter time. he was like a giant and beefy teddy bear to cuddle with, his body being a natural furnace.

without thinking, you rubbed your body onto his, unknowingly grinding on his crotch. toji's breath hitched, feeling his cock harden even more than before when he saw your half-naked glory after two weeks.

"feels so warm, toji." you mumbled, pressing yourself into him as your face was buried into the crook of his neck. toji ran his fingers on the back of your thighs, while his other hand rested on top of your ass.

"yeah? i could make you feel even warmer." he smirked, bucking his hips a little up to make you feel his erection. you gasped, feeling his cock throb below your pussy, the thin fabric of your panties and his boxers not providing much of a barrier.

"t-toji.." you stammered, cheeks growing warmer against the flesh of his chest. his skin smelled like bare vanilla with a mix of cologne, it was almost intoxicating.

"shh... let me please you, sweetheart." toji softly whispered, a strong arm curling against your waist while he turned to his side, gently laying you on the bed. you were now facing the wall with toji behind you, his hands sneaking up back before unclasping your bra.

with one swift motion, your bra joined the rest of the heap of clothes scattered on the floor. toji's hand found its way to your tits, groping them as you let out a whimper.

"haven't seen these pretty tits in so long. can i give them a little kiss, darling?" he sweetly asked, your mind fogged up with nothing but the thought of toji. nonetheless, you nodded your head as you leaned a little back.

toji lifted his head before leaning forwards to give each of your nipples a kiss. the contact of his soft lips and your sensitive hard buds was enough to drive you off the edge. but, knowing toji, he's one playful man.

without a warning, he latched his mouth onto your tits. his warm tongue swirled around your swollen bud as he suckled on your nipple.

"mhmm... toji." you moaned, your hands stroking his hair as he sucked and kissed the flesh of your tits until it left purplish hickeys on your skin.

with one final kiss on the valley between your tits, he went back to his original position. toji relaxed behind you, his arm wrapping around your waist. he noticed how you were trying to discretely rub your thighs together to create some kind of friction that would grant you the relief your aching pussy needed.

"need something, y/n?" toji teased, but you were too stubborn to give in. toji's fingers were freely roaming all over your body, from dancing on your spine to rubbing your hips and ass.

"n-no." you stammered, desperately wishing for him to plunge his fingers or cock inside your cunt right now. toji's fingers played with the waistband of your panties.

"hm? you sure? seems like you need something... or rather, this sweet little pussy of yours need something from me, no?" he spoke in a husky voice, the tips of his fingers gently rubbing your pussy on top of your panties. your breath hitched, feeling him press on your clothed clit before tracing the outline of your slit. there was a visible wet patch created from your slick, making toji smirk.

"so wet for me. you missed me, didn't you?" toji asked, but you were too focused on his movements. the lack of response made him a little upset, so he gently pinched the plush flesh of your thigh to get your attention.

"oww!" you winced in pain, looking over your shoulder to throw him a glare.

"i asked you a question, baby. don't ya know it's rude to not answer your boyfriend?" he snickered, making you roll your eyes at his justification.

"ex-boyfriend." you corrected him, making him scoff.

"oh, is that so? so you'd let your ex-boyfriend play with this pretty pussy of yours, hm? slut yourself out for him? talk to me, sweetheart." toji's hand slipped inside your panties, his middle finger sinking into your wet folds. your eyes rolled back as he rubbed your sopping wet pussy at a pleasurable pace, the words in your throat getting stuck.

"f-fuck." you moaned out, feeling toji draw circles on your throbbing clit. you swallowed harshly, as toji began to rub your clit at a pretty fast pace before slowing down and sliding his fingers down to your pulsating hole.

toji shoved two of his fingers inside without a warning, making a whimper escape your lips. he was unforgiving, scissoring his long and thick digits in and out of your hole at a cruel rhythm; stretching your hole.

"nghh~ feels so good!" you panted like a bitch in heat, feeling the familiar knot forming in your lower stomach. toji felt your walls clamping on his fingers, a small smirk etching on his lips as he added onto your pleasure by rubbing your clit with his thumb.

your eyes rolled back, shutting your thighs around his wrists as a shaky hand came down to halt his movements.

"t-too much." you squealed, vision becoming blurry as you couldn't even form coherent sentences.

"you could take it, baby." toji encouraged, prying your legs open with his free hand as he gave you the most jaw dropping orgasm just from simple foreplay.

you saw white, creaming on his fingers as you let out a guttural moan.

"that's it, there you go, pretty." he cooed, helping your calm down from your orgasm as you tried to snap back into reality.

"holy shit." you breathed out, now laying on your back as you turned your head to face toji and look at him through half-lidded eyes.

you took note of the details that were already carved inside your brain of the man who owned your heart and soul. his beautiful ebony locks that always seemed dishevealed yet so soft to your touch; smelling like your shampoo because he's too lazy to get his own. his sharp grey eyes that always tease you. the supple fat of his cheek that he swore he'd get rid off but always rethinks his decision every time you pinch or bite them. his plump lips that kiss you stupid even if they're a little chapped sometimes because he's a little forgetful.

and of course, your favorite feature, the scar on the corner of his lip that you love to kiss because it's unique to him.

this was the man that you were so madly in love with, toji fushiguro. you fought wars to be with him, to get approval from your strict family, because he was an older man. but, not once have you ever regretted your decision.

to which, you were now thinking, was the reason that caused you both to break up even worth it?

"missed you." a shy glimmer graced your eyes as you mumbled those two words, catching toji's attention. he gave you a boyish smile, grazing his thumb along your bottom lip.

"yeah?" toji huskily chuckled, making you nod as you lifted yourself up before climbing on top of him. your disheaveled hair curtained his face as you leaned down to finally press your lips on him. the kiss was needy and messy, feeling toji push your head further towards him, his tongue sucking and biting your bottom lip.

you let out a whimper, opening your mouth to grant the wet muscle permission to explore the caverns of your mouth. you unintentionally began to grind your hips on his hard bulge, the wet patch on your cotton panties now dampening the front of his boxers.

toji let out a gruff groan, his hand going down to caress the supple fatty flesh of your ass before giving it a small spank, making you jolt.

you gave a tender kiss on the side of his mouth where his scar was before kissing along the outline of his sharp jaw. your wet kisses moved down to his neck as you sucked purplish bruises on his skin, all while he was groping your ass and thighs.

your mouth was practically drooling at the thought of having your boyfri— ex-boyfriend's cock inside your mouth again. you eagerly tugged down his boxers, his hard dick springing out and slapping his lower stomach.

toji was so incredibly manly, his body was gorgeous; as if the greek gods themselves scultped him. it was no use of denying the fact that you loved beefy men who could crush you in seconds with their body weight. toji was fit, his pecs were defined yet so soft; his toned abs and muscular biceps— don't forget those killer thighs and back muscles as well.

the cute happy trail leading down to the monsterous rod in his pants, which you clearly missed so dearly. you watched how his cock throbbed, the two twin veins that ran on the side of his shaft were a little swollen and his tip was red and angry from neglect; drooling with his sticky precum.

you wrapped your fingers around his cock, stroking it slowly before thumbing his tip, spreading the bead of his precum as toji groaned.

his thumb came down to brush against your lips before intruding to part them. he bit his lips, the pads of his finger feeling the wet muscle in your mouth. you licked a stripe up his shaft, starting from the base until the tip.

"fuck you're so pretty, sweetheart." a grunt left his lips, and before you knew it, the mushroom head of his cock was right in front of your lips. he rubbed the tip on your lips, the wet feeling of his precum smearing on them. you slightly opening your mouth, slowly licking the tip as you got a taste of him.

you wrapped your lips around his tip, sucking on it like candy before deepthroating as much of his cock as your mouth could take. it was almost impossible to suck and fuck the entire length of toji's dick because he was a good eight inches at least.

but, nonetheless, you tried your best to take as much in and let your hands do what was left out.

not giving you much time, toji grabbed the sides of your head before slamming his hips up into your mouth as his patience was running thin, making you gag. it seemed that all the self-control that he maintained so well all this time has completely vanished by now.

his moves were animalistic, starved and desparate.

toji began to thrust into your mouth, feeling the flesh of your cheek welcome his cock. your tongue dragged up and down his shaft, sucking in the shear length of his cock whenever he was forcing it down your throat. the twin veins grazing against the walls of your throat and against the surface of your tongue.

"you're gonna feel me exactly here." he commented with a smirk, his hand coming to your neck to slightly squeeze the area he was speaking about. he grabbed your hand before placing it on that place, then he took a hold of both sides of your cheeks.

with one long and deep thrust, he kept his word and you felt the bulge on your throat where his cock was lodged in. tears welled in your eyes, your throat burned both from the friction of his dick and the lack of oxygen.

but toji just wanted to see how long you'd last before tapping out. of course, he has no intention in killing you, but he wants to test your limits.

he continued to rut his hips, drool trickling down his cock as you choked and gagged, trying so hard to control those reflexes. but to toji, it felt like heaven because every time the muscles in your mouth and throat contracted, it hugged his cock in such a welcoming way.

"so close." he moaned out, eyes rolling back as his dick twitched inside the wet hole of your mouth that he ruthlessly fucked. you tried to breath through your nose, but it was getting a little difficult.

you felt the rush of warm liquid fill your mouth before sliding down your throat, opening your screwed shut eyes to glance up at toji. on the other hand, his eyes were closed tightly, breathing becoming erratic as he groaned in pleasure.

you tapped his thighs aggresively, wanting him to pull out before you lose your senses. he listened, taking his cock out of your mouth as you sat on your knees completely breathless. you coughed a couple of times, holding your throat as you rubbed it from the aching pain you felt.

your eyes were red and cheeks were stained with the tears that stained your rosy cheeks, eyelashes wet from it as well. you lifted your head to face him, seeing how flushed his face was as sweat coated his forehead. your eyes trailed south, seeing his cock dripping with your saliva and his cum.

"fucking asshole, you almost killed me." you said in between your breaths, glaring at him and he chuckled. leaning closer to your trembling body as he sat up, toji gently kissed your earlobe, making you shudder.

"had to make sure my little princess wasn't going around sucking other people's dick. i trained your throat pretty well, huh? but now i gotta check if this little cunt of yours has been loyal too." toji snickered, turning your body around in the position of reverse cowgirl.

you yelped once you felt him hook his forearms on the back of your knees, before pushing it up until it was besides your chest. your legs were now spread wide open as toji put you in a full nelson, his cock rubbing between your wet folds, nudging your clit as some points.

"put it in, baby." toji encouraged, pressing soft kisses to your temple. your hand went down to grab the shaft of his cock, giving it a few pumps before rubbing it on your sopping wet pussy to lubricate it. as his tip got caught in your hole, you gently and slowly began to enter the inches of his monster cock.

"ngh~ fuck, it's so big." you winced in pain, forgetting how painful the stretch of toji's cock was. it didn't matter how many times he fucked you dumb on his dick, your pussy would always be too tight for his thick meat.

"but you took it like a good girl, didn't you?" he praised, planting his feet on the bed before thrusting up into you. you moaned loudly, feeling his cock rubbing your wet walls so deliciously. the squealching sound of your pussy was pornographic.

"this pussy is mine— fuck, none of those stupid college boys could ever fuck you like i could. you're mine and only mine." toji moaned, his thrusts getting faster as his balls smacked against your ass, your hand coming down to rub your clit.

"hnghh, only yours. please! ahh~ feels so good." you were delirious, eyes rolling back from pleasure as you began to see white. your thighs were shaking as toji's thrusts began to get sloppy.

his cock twitched inside your hole, a ring of white cream already forming at the base of his dick from how much your pussy leaked on him, coating his balls in a shear white gloss.

the sticky shlick shlick sound echoed through the four walls of your shared room. tears pricked your eyes as you could feel the huge wave of your orgasm coming at you as your stomach began to tighten.

toji could sense that you're getting close, your walls clamping down on him as the tip of his dick kissed your cervix with each thrust. you turned your head to side, catching his lips in a messy and saliva filled kiss.

you both moaned into each other's mouth, cries of pleasure leaving your lips as you gushed on his cock.

"f-fuck, it's too much!" you mewled, feeling overstimulated as toji fucked you thrugh your orgasm.

"you could take it, gonna breed this pussy. maybe i'll fuck a baby into you, yeah?" toji panted and you were so cock drunk that you mindlessly nodded your head.

"yes, yes, please— fuck, give me a baby." you whimpered, and your voice was so sultry that toji came so hard inside your cunt. the thick and sticky ropes of his cum coated your walls as you shuddered from the warm feeling of being filled up with his cum.

his cock slid out, your hole being creampied to the brim as both of your cum began to gush out of your cunt. you rolled off of him, now laying besides toji as you both tried to catch your breath.

"i love you, y/n." toji confessed, turning his head to the side to look at you. that soft and lovesick expression painted on his flushed face made your heart jump.

you gave him a gentle smile, scooting closer to him before wrapping your arms and legs around him, pressing a tender kiss on his lips.

"i love you too, toji. i'm sorry for everything, i was just so angry and frustrated because it felt like forever that we've spent time together. i-i.... i got insecure and thought that you found someone better than me." your face dropped in sadness, a lump forming in your throat as you tried your best to not break into tears. toji frowned upon hearing your words before stroking your cheek.

"and why the hell would you ever think that?" he questioned and you shrugged.

"i know i'm a little immature sometimes, but i really do love you. i just don't want you to get tired of me and find a woman your age who's more mature. you know how badly people talked about us before and still do." you sighed, making toji scoff.

"fuck those people, you're mine and i'm yours. no one could ever change that, got that princess? those few weeks i got a little busy because i was working long hours to book a flight to venice for us to spend christmas together." toji smiled, making your eyes widen in shock.

"no way." you gasped, but he grinned and nodded his head, making you squeal in excitement.

"we leave next week." he informed, pressing a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. you hummed in response and hugged him tight.

"ugh, i missed my teddy bear so much... spent so many lonely nights sleeping alone." you complained, and toji rubbed your back in a comforting manner.

"my poor baby, how could i make it up to you?" he cooed.

"let me put my hello kitty stickers on your dick." you gave him a cheeky smile, making him narrow his eyes.

"naughty girl." toji snickered, his hand going down in a sly manner to grab his cock and without warning, he entered it inside your already swollen hole once again.

your breath hitched, feeling your boyfriend latch his mouth onto your nipple.

"my pretty princess." he mumbled, giving you a small wink before licking your nipple playfully.

toji couldn't wait to give you your surprise in venice, the small box resting nicely in his coat pocket.

---

BONUS:

"tojiiiii~ toji! look!!" you ran from the hotel bathroom to the bed where your fiance laid down. his sharp grey eyes peered up at you in curiosity as you showed him your phone, the diamond on your ring finger shimmering under the hotel lighting.

"what am i looking at?" toji cocked an eyebrow, watching a girl having her face squished by a guy's bicep.

"i want you to do that to me." you gave him an innocent look, and toji smirked at your request. he laid his arm flat on the bed and ushered you to rest your face.

you did so and as toji flexed his arm, your cheeks got squished and forced your lips into a pout. toji chuckled at the adorable sight of you and leaned his head down to press a tender kiss on your pouted lips.

"gonna marry you and make you mine forever."

[dixons-sunshine]

Soooo headcannons would be absolutely amazing (tbh i'm obsessed with this story-)

Only if your up for it of course, just letting you know that I am interested (and I'm sure i'm not alone) bc you asked :)

Thank you for writing! Your work is amazing!

(I've also lost many drafts that didn't save and it's always so so sad)

Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU Headcannons |Young!Daryl Dixon x Young!Fem!Reader

*GIF isn't mine*

Word count: 840.

A/n: Ask and you shall receive! I have so many personal headcannons and I'm so excited to share it with you all. Maybe I'll incorporate some of these into oneshots one day. Who knows? But I'm really in the mood for Young!Daryl these days, so send in some requests for him if y'all wanna see more!

As always, my requests are open for any TWD requests, as well as Scud Frohmeyer requests.

—

★ Your ages aren't specified, but I headcannon that y'all are 17-almost 18 in this au.

★ As mentioned in Through The Good Times And The Bad, you moved to the trailer park when you were twelve. However, Daryl definitely didn't approach you first. You had to go up to him and start talking to him.

★ You were exploring the woods behind the trailer park when you stumbled upon a river. There you met Daryl, and since he was the only kid there who was your age, you wanted to strike up a friendship, although it was difficult.

★ I also feel like Daryl definitely didn't talk during the first few weeks when you went up to him. With Merle and his father constantly ruining his self-esteem, he was sure that you would recognise what a screw up he was and head for the hills.

★ However, when a month passed with you showing up at the river and keeping him company, he found himself looking forward to seeing you, and with that knowledge, he slowly started warming up to you.

★ The first time he ever spoke a word to you was when you accidentally slipped on a wet rock and fell into the river. He snorted a laugh at your predicament, and couldn't resist the urge to tease you.

★ “Careful. Heard the rocks in the river ain't exactly dry.”

★ You had laughed at him and splashed some water at him, and that was the start of your friendship.

★ Although you quickly became close friends, it took almost two years for him to start opening up about his father.

★ His father's beatings had started to become way worse and he started leaving more visible marks, resulting in questioning glances from you, though you never pressed for answers. That made him feel comfortable enough to gradually start opening up to you.

★ By the time you were both 15, you knew all about his father, Daryl's past with his mother committing suicide and his asshole of a brother.

★ This is definitely the "she fell first, he fell harder" trope.

★ You had started crushing on him when you were 14. However, Daryl only started acknowledging his own feelings for you when he was 16 and you had saved up to get him a gift for his birthday.

★ His feelings had smacked him right in the face, and the rest is history.

★ Moving away from you and Daryl for now, it's pretty clear that your mom is yours and Daryl's number one shipper.

★ She knows about Daryl's abuse, but not to the extent that you do. She only knows the "basics", so to speak.

★ She's offered to talk to social services for him, but Daryl had refused, so she offered for him to stay over whenever he needed to.

★ She totally already sees Daryl as her son-in-law. She knows for a fact that you and Daryl are meant to be together, even if you're only teenagers.

★ This might only be me, but I headcannon that your mom in this was a teen mom—she got pregnant during her senior year in highschool.

★ She's implied to be a single mom, so the dad split when he found out she was pregnant.

★ She lived with her parents to raise you until you were 6. Her parents eventually kicked the two of you out and you've been in and out of multiple crappy apartments before settling on the trailer park.

★ She's the type of mom who tries to give you the freedom you desire while still being strict. Hence the "if anything happens, be sure to use protection" jokes. She knows she can't stop you from doing that, but she can ensure that you don't make her mistakes.

★ She definitely "secretly" buys condoms for you and Daryl.

★ During the first few months of your relationship, she noticed that the box remained untouched. Knowing Daryl's shyness, she knew that it wasn't because you and him were having unprotected sex. The two of you weren't like that.

★ When she noticed after a couple of months that there was finally one gone, she couldn't help the teasing she bestowed on you when Daryl went home.

★ She has met his father a number of times. The man has hit on her more times than one, completely unaware that she knew his son. However, since she was aware of the abuse, she's told him to "fuck off" every time.

—

I have so many more! If y'all want a part two, let me know!

©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.

[phantomspiderr]

Happy Birthday, Marc

Pairing: Marc Spector x afab!reader & Steven Grant x afab!reader

Word Count: 3k+

Summary: You think birthdays are something important, a chance to celebrate your favourite person, to give them anything they want and make them feel good. And maybe Marc will look forward to his birthday from now on.

Warnings/Tags: 18+ smut bby, unprotected p in v, fingering, a little manhandling, it's fluffy i'm ngl, use of the nicknames baby & sweetheart

a/n: besties i'm ngl i'm exhausted and i've probabaly missed things in order just to post this cause I started writing it like a week ago and just got the urge to finish it. So i'm sorry if i'm missing tags and stuff, let me know if there's things missing. But I hope you like it anyways, love you, appreciate you and now i'm going to sleep

“Marc,” it comes out in a breathy whisper and your lips are pressed back to his skin before you’re even finished drawing out his name. For once, by some miracle, you’d woken up before your boyfriend so it was only right to wake him in the best way you know how. It was also just coincidentally his birthday and you think today should be all about him and things that make him feel good.

Continuing at your slow pace, you place kisses on his cheek, moving down to his jaw and then his neck. If he was awake he’d call you a tease, especially with the way you’re straddling his waist, and definitely for your choice of clothing—or lack thereof. You’d maybe went online and bought yourself a cute, new underwear set and maybe you’d planned to buy it the week before Marc’s birthday. Now, you just have to hope it will be Marc fronting when he wakes, not that you’d complain if it was Steven or Jake. 

You call his name again, hoping that will somehow unconsciously pull him to front as you gently tug on the neckline of his tshirt so you can press kisses to his collarbone. Your hands move delicately against his skin too, lightly brushing over his arms or holding his face and they sneak under the hem of his shirt to feel the relaxed muscles there.

“Baby.” This time his body stirs a little, a deep, quiet groan escaping him. A smile creeps its way onto your face as you sit back to admire him. He looks so pretty like this, hair all tousled against the pillow and face completely relaxed, the frown lines that seem like a permanent feature faded with sleep. 

Your hands are still resting under his shirt against his stomach, slowly creeping higher before coming back down. His body begins to wriggle every time your featherlight touch runs across his sides and a giggle bubbles in your throat when he half-heartedly swats your hands away. Mercifully you stop your hand's cruel pursuit and go back to pressing tender kisses to his neck. You quietly call out for Marc again between kisses and this time he shifts more, the quiet groans turning more into little whines. The sounds only spur you on more, holding his chin in your hand so you can switch sides. Your ministrations continue until you feel his hands anchor themselves on your hips. He’s pushing you down more into his lap, the contact forcing a whimper out of you. 

You keep his face delicately held in your hand and go back to kissing his cheek. His hands start moving up your sides, shivers running up your spine at the movement. 

“Well this is some way to wake up,” his voice is groggy and any other time you’d smile and egg him on to talk more until the rough tone faded but it’s not the voice you’d hoped for. You physically deflate, your head briefly sinking into the pillow over his shoulder before you sit up again. Fighting the urge to quietly moan when you accidentally grind against him. 

“What’s wrong, love?” The sweet British accent you’d normally swoon for only causes your pout to grow. Upon your withdrawal from him, Steven’s eyes had shot open, the creases between his eyebrows harsh again. 

“I was hoping for Marc,” you sound like a spoilt child. You know that’s not how it works, you can’t just request who you want at that moment. And anyway, you love all of the boys equally so it shouldn't matter. Never do you want one of them to feel inferior to the others but the quiet oh that leaves Steven has you panicked you’ve done just that. “No! I didn’t mean I don’t want you, Steven! I want you, trust me. It’s just… it’s silly. I wanted to do something for Marc because it’s his birthday.” Your voice dies out before you even finish. You’re looking everywhere but into his eyes and suddenly you wish you had more clothes on to cover up. 

“Oh love,” Steven props himself up on his elbows, fingertips just grazing your knees. “You know how Marc feels about his birthday.”

The more seconds that pass the more silly you feel for trying to do anything. 

“I know.” It comes out meekly, your eyes fixed on your hands that pick at the threads of Steven’s old shirt. 

“Hey,” suddenly Steven sits up, his hands soothingly cupping your cheeks and your gaze moves straight to his face, “if this is what you do for Marc’s birthday, well then I can’t wait for mine.”

Your face cracks, the sad exterior fading the longer you look at Steven's cheery features. The man seems to have a way of always making things better. 

“You know,” his eyes flicker to your lips only for a moment, “just because Marc’s not here doesn’t mean you have to stop.” Steven's rare boldness always surprises you, “it’d be a shame to waste all of this.” He leans back just a little so he can rake his eyes over your body, his hands moving down to your waist and pressing you impossibly closer. It causes you both to let out a satisfying sigh.

“You do have a point…” you let your own eyes trail down his body as your hands slowly pull up the hem of his shirt, exposing more of him. You quickly grow impatient with your own actions, tugging his shirt up and instinctively Steven raises his arms so you can pull it off. You’re both moving in the second his shirt is off, lips crashing against one another in a hasty, messy kiss. You’re sinking further into his hold as his hands grip onto you for dear life. It’s completely impulsive when you grind yourself down in his lap. It clearly takes Steven by surprise because his head falls back and a low grunt escapes him. You do it again, this time placing a kiss on his jaw and he holds you down, one of his arms wrapped securely around you. He’s back to looking at you and already he’s wrecked, panting, and disheveled. Still, even in his tight grip you manage to roll your hips, the friction feels so good and you crave more of it. 

“Right, as pretty as this is, take it off now.” He snaps the elastic of your underwear causing you to squeal and jerk in his lap again. It’s ungracious and desperate the way you climb out of his lap and tug your underwear down your legs. It seems Steven’s just as desperate as he awkwardly pulls off the sweatpants he’d slept in until he’s completely naked.

Steven looks into your eyes with pure adoration, his hands touching your thighs delicately as you settle back in his lap. You sit back on his thighs and Steven’s hands curl around to rub your back. He even blushes and has to look away when you hold his face and smile at him, a glimpse at the sweet Steven you’re used to. His head rests on your collarbone and automatically your hand slips around into his hair, gently combing through the wild curls. The soft moment has you relaxing in his hold so much so your body flinches when Steven’s hand unexpectedly grazes the inside of your thigh. Then he has you gasping in seconds, his fingers running through your soaked folds. His movements have your body rising, almost like it’s trying to get away from his touch. The hand in his hair tightens, especially as he begins to circle your clit, and your other hand grips his shoulder so much your fingers ache. The stimulation is enough to have you breathily moaning already then he’s raising his head to look at you with that dopey grin before he pushes two fingers into you, causing your jaw to drop. There’s a welcome sting before your senses are steeped in pleasure. Steven’s fingers build a pace slowly, his thumb now brushing against your clit each time he sinks into you. 

Steven looks at you like you’re the pyramids like you’re some unexplained wonder in the world that very few people get to experience. The eye contact becomes too intense that you have to close your eyes and your head instinctively rolls back. You allow the pleasure to consume you, your hips now grinding against his hand and whimpers of his name filling the room. You’re so lost in the growing feeling of your climax creeping closer that you don’t hear him speak, let alone hear the change in accent or the way his grips got a little tighter. It’s only when you feel a sharp bite to the top of one of your breasts that your head snaps back down with a yelp. 

“Look at me.” That thick Chicago accent is prominent in your ears now. “Keep your eyes right here, sweetheart,” and he smirks when you dumbly nod your head. 

“Marc.” You’re panting now as he moves a little faster and rougher than Steven had. It’s his turn to be impatient, he’s trying desperately to use speed and more force to pull your orgasm out of you quicker. It takes a second for your body to adjust to the change but then you’re crying out for him, begging him to keep going. Your hand's can't stay still, they keep moving to touch him anywhere; his shoulders, his back, his neck, and then they finally rest on his face. Your fingers dig into his cheek and his jaw and you keep your eyes on him like you were told. 

“That’s it,” he hits the perfect spot that has you squeezing around his fingers, “just a little more baby.” Marc keeps his speed steady now, using his arm that's wrapped around you to assist in grinding your hips. Your head’s spinning now, your heart thudding in your chest and you can’t think straight. Now, you’re kissing him or at least trying to between cries of pleasure. Marc chuckles as you gasp and clutch onto his shoulders when he ceases movement of his fingers. He continues to rock your hips and instead moves his thumb faster against your clit. Your forehead is pressed against his, your eyes are screwed shut and you’re climbing higher until you’re plummeting off the edge. 

“Couldn’t miss this,” Marc’s taking advantage of your hazy state, nuzzling himself into your neck, “gods I can’t wait baby. I need you now.”

Your mind is still somewhere in the clouds, not really comprehending what he’s saying but you’re nodding. You trust him enough to let him do anything to you.

Marc’s moving eagerly, his soaked fingers slip out of you which causes a whimper to escape you. You’re pretty much a dead weight, your body feeling too heavy to move but that doesn’t stop Marc. He moves you like you weigh nothing and you let him manhandle you, flipping you over onto your back so he can be on top. 

“I love you so much, baby.” You’re smiling up at him when he says it, head still all floaty. He looks so ethereal like this, his eyes focused on his hand that’s now stroking himself. His toned chest heaving quicker now. “So lucky to have you,” his free hand pushes one of your thighs down, exposing you more to him. Normally you’d hate being this exposed, you’d want to cover up and hide yourself away but Marc looks at you like you’re it. You’re everything he’s ever wanted or needed like he would physically wither away without you.

It’s different from the way Steven looks at you, everything about Steven is gentle and soft but Marc’s more meticulous and complex. Marc’s gazes say more than he thinks he can articulate, his eyes always full of love whenever he looks at you. Only in truly intimate moments like this does he let his guard down enough to be able to share all those feelings that swim around in his head. 

“Need you, baby.” Your eyes fall shut when he drags the tip of his cock through your folds, quiet whimpers flowing past your lips as he slowly pushes himself in. Your hands loosely cling to the sheets and unconsciously you’re bearing down your hips toward him, unexpectedly forcing him deeper. Marc’s hand slams down on the mattress next to you, a curse sharply coming out of him. You open your droopy eyes to see he’s closer now, leaning over you completely with his furrowed brow and tense features. It’s hard to keep your eyes open, Marc seems to have this power to make you feel fuzzy no matter what. 

“Hey,” you’re blinking up at him the second you hear his voice, “look at me.” 

It’s not a command like the last time he said it, no, it’s more like a plea. He wants you to look at him like he’s the only person to ever exist, or that he’s the best person to exist and you do. You look at him as if it’s the last time you could lay your eyes on him, soaking up every detail and trying to portray all of the love you feel for him. 

Your hand moves up to hold his face again, the other finding purchase on his side. You raise your head just enough so you can kiss him, it’s only brief but a smile creeps across his face. Marc lowers himself to rest on his elbow so he can kiss you again, over and over while he slowly starts to rock his hips. The gentle pecks quickly turn fervent as his thrusts pick up their pace. He’s not going too fast but it’s consistent and deliberate. His free hand lovingly rubs the outside of your thigh that’s crept up to encase his hips.

You can feel the familiar tightening warmth already blooming again. The hand that was cupping his face moves into his hair. The messy curls slip through your fingers as you pull him impossibly closer. 

“I-I need-ah-I love-“ you can’t even form a coherent sentence. You want to tell him that you need him, that you love him, that he is truly all you’ll ever want. You’d planned all these things you wanted to say to him, how exactly you wanted to pour out all the good things he makes you feel. You wanted to make him feel loved, to maybe replace some of those bad memories he holds with new happy ones. You were supposed to be the one making him feel good and here you are an intelligible mess because of how well he’s treating you. 

“I know-I know, baby.” He’s breathing so hard, panting from exertion. The hand that’s resting on your thigh holds on a little firmer, a sign he’s found a rhythm that works for him. Marc kisses you again, it’s surprisingly tender for the situation you’re currently in. It is however cut off quickly when he lets up the prettiest sound. His forehead thuds against your shoulder, a mixture of moans and grunts freely falling past his lips. It drives you insane in the best way possible, you think maybe you could get off on that sound alone. 

“Hey-hey, look at me. Look at me.” You’re almost whispering, practically sounding like you’re begging. You tap your fingers against his head to grab his attention more. He’s a sight to be seen when he lifts his head, half-lidded eyes and lips parted and heaving in air. Loose curls flopped against his forehead and the crease between his eyebrows is so prominent now. You don’t care about anything other than the way he looks right now. You don’t care how many times you get to see him like this, you want to memorise every single time. 

Marc stutters on his words, his mind clearly just as muddled as yours. You can tell his body is tiring despite his hips moving faster as he chases his climax. Your body feels frozen pressed against his, you can only cling onto him. You squeak out his name as the hand on your thigh tightens, almost certain there’ll be fingerprints imprinted there for the rest of the week. 

Suddenly, he’s mumbling out the sweet nicknames he calls you, his face screwing up even as he fights to keep his eyes on you. Then it’s sweeping him under, his energy spikes and he thrusts a little harder. His orgasm washes over him completely, you catch his eyes slightly rolling back as they close before his head falls back against your shoulder again. His hips keep moving as he cums, slowing the longer he goes until he just stops moving completely. Your hand moves out of his hair to soothingly rub his back as he comes down from his high. You can feel his breath panting against your collarbone, his chest heaving still. You turn your head so you can press a kiss into his hair, whispering words of love into the dark curls. 

“I’m sorry.” Your face instantly scrunches when you hear the apology, waiting to hear the reason why. “I couldn’t miss this. I needed you so bad.” You laugh once before pausing and doing it again until you’re full-on giggling. Marc lifts his head with that same furrow of his brows for a different reason this time. “What?”

“This was for you,” his eyebrow cocks up a bit at that. His eyes just briefly glancing down at your chest, still covered in the nice-looking lingerie. Your hand slips back to hold his cheek again, your thumb rubbing back and forth lovingly as you look up at him. “I wanted to do something special for your birthday. I know it’s silly and we don’t-“

“Oh we’re doing this every year now,” Marc’s smirking at you now and the insecurity is flushed out of you, “however you’re gonna have to make it up to Steven.”

“Me?!” 

“Poor guy’s a mess, you can’t just leave him in that state sweetheart.” He laughs when you begin protesting that it’s not your fault. Marc’s chuckles die out as he looks down at you smiling up at him. Your heart thumps in your chest still when he looks at you. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together they all still have a way of making you feel giddy with just one look. You push up unexpectedly to kiss him briefly, your head falling back against the pillows so you can look at him again. 

“Happy birthday, Marc.”

[hopelesswrites]

Book Club

Part 2 Part 3

Its short, I haven't written in far too long, I'm testing the waters, part 2 if even one person asks lmao

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

-Your book club bestie persistently tries to set you up with her son, but you don't bet on meeting him on a night out.

Before reading: I felt a little weird about including Joes mum, I didn't want to involve her too much and felt id be best just treating her as another made up character, I have no idea what her name is, I think I've read Mary before? I could be wrong I don't care, I don't want to associate this character with the real woman.

-

You swiftly wrapped a pair of custard creams in a napkin and stuffed it in your coat pocket as the rest of the women bid their goodbyes for another four weeks. Linda, the woman that hosted this meeting had an impressive spread of biscuits with your tea today and you thought it courteous enough to take a few leftovers out of her hand. Also, the train home was long, and you knew you’d get hungry.

“Personally, I thought she was stingy with the snacks today” A quiet voice spoke beside you.

You turned to see Mary, your favourite of the group of ladies you had found yourself joining for book club. She had that look on her face you knew too well, that “we are definitely going to talk about this later” look.

Truthfully, you and Mary had formed quite a bond over the past few months, she was like a mother away from home, you gossiped about the other ladies, about the books you were reading, you confided in her when life got a bit tough, and she consistently tried to set you up with her son. You cherished the relationship you had with her and will forever thank this silly book club for introducing the two of you.

“And that book, what a snooze” She nudged you. You will admit, the book Linda picked for this meeting was pretty bad. “I didn’t even finish it” You answered, earning a chuckle from the older woman.

“Dinner tomorrow night? I can give you my copy of the book I picked for the next meeting.” Mary suggested, linking your arms as you both walked out onto the street.

“Oh, I wish I could, I have a coworker’s birthday to go to, how does Sunday work?”

Mary huffed, “Joseph rejected my dinner invitation too, Sunday is perfect though, I’ll do a roast.”

You rolled your eyes at the mention of Marys son, she was always trying to get you both together to meet. Personally, an awkward dinner with Mary and her son sounded like a dreadful way to meet a potential love match, and the idea of dating your best friend/mother figure’s son had you feeling ill.

“I look forward to it then” You replied, bidding Mary a goodbye now at her car and watching as she drove away before making your way towards the station.

When you first moved to London only 6 months ago you realised very quickly, you had no fucking friends. It was so scary being somewhere so big and so unfamiliar that you knew you needed kind safe people to guide you through the city. Stumbling upon a Facebook group had you joining this book club where you easily became the youngest in the group, but the ladies absolutely adored you, Mary in particular. Months later, you are now well established in the city and well read.

-

The pub was crowded, and the smell of too strong cologne had gone straight to your head, creating a dull ache. Still, you kept drinking, hoping the number you make your feet, your head will also calm down. The booth you occupied was crammed with an assortment of too drunk coworkers and too sober coworkers, staying much later than they really needed to be polite.

“Another drink birthday girl?” You yelled over the crowd. Your coworker, Stacy, nodded her head eagerly. Squeezing out of the booth you made your way towards the bar, which was no surprise just as busy. Your head a little fuzzy remained sore and you could only think the antidote would be another glass of wine. Squished up against the bar you ordered and waited patiently for the bartender to pour your two glasses. Suddenly an elbow to the ribs had you groaning in pain, just your luck, you thought.

“I am so sorry, oh my god, are you okay?” A mans voice spoke from behind you, you turned around to see a group of men all staring back at you, the one closest with the biggest most concerned eyes you had ever seen.

“I’m such an asshole I’m so sorry” He repeated his apology.

Your eyes were blurry, but you could still recognise that face, one you had seen on a certain woman’s phone multiple times.

“Joe?”

The man in front of you looked shocked and the men around him chuckled.

“Another fan, mate?” One teased him.

“Sorry, oh wow, that was so creepy” You rushed trying to save yourself. “I know your mum.”

The shock in the room didn’t dissipate.

“Fuck that sounds worse, I’m in her book club, I’m so sorry this is so awkward”.

You felt a heat crawl up to the tips of your ears and your stomach churned. This was worse than sitting with your coworkers, you should have never said anything.

“Oh yes!” Joe suddenly lit up, “Mums told me heaps about you”.

That didn’t make it any better, given the way you know Mary had spoken about you to Joe.

You chuckled, “Yeah you too” Joe laughed back, the tension now so thick you felt like you couldn’t breathe. This seemed more horrible than Mary uncomfortably introducing you both herself.

“You’re coming to dinner tomorrow then?” Joe asked, snapping you back into reality.

“Dinner?” You asked, heart sinking and head racing, screaming out a chorus of ‘no, no, no, no’.

“Yeah, mums roast, she said you’ll be coming, something about the next book”.

You suddenly realised you were still at the bar and quickly snatched your drinks from the counter, smiling back at Joe.

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it.”

[samiswifey]

Just Talk To Each Other

Pairing: Sam Carpenter x fem!reader

Warning: none

Summary: since the last ghostface attack Sam continued her therapy and met you there. As the weeks passed by you guys grew close and feeling definitely grew between you guys. However neither of you were ready to say anything in fear of losing the other.

It was six in the morning and you and Sam were both up early eating breakfast and making light conversation. Neither of you couldn't sleep for some reason, so you both decided to wake up make breakfast and just talk.

The conversation wasn't deep or super meaningful but it was calming and nice to just be around each other. You both have been through pretty similar things and it was comforting to be around somebody who understands what you've been through. Although neither you nor Sam would ever admit it really you both like that you got each other without having to say anything. It was nice.

"Your birthday is Saturday. Have any plans on what you would like to do?" Sam asked.

You shook your head as you frowned a little. "My birthday has never been celebrated. My mom was always too high or drunk to remember and my father hated my birthday because it reminds him of the day his life was ruined and refused to even celebrate it." You told her. "So I never celebrate my birthday. It comes and goes without much of a thought from me."

That made Sam extremely sad to hear and she couldn't help but feel bad for you. "If you could have your dream birthday celebration what would it be?" She asked. You thought for a moment before answering. "Dinner with friends at my favorite restaurant, ice cream at that new shop that opened up and then watching my favorite movie." You said. "I know it's not much or huge but it's what I've always wanted. A day focused on me, doing what I want."

Sam immediately kept that in her mind because she was going to make your birthday the best day ever! She was going to hopefully change it so that you now look forward to it every year. She's going to change your life.

"Don't forget I have therapy today. So I'll be back later than usual." You said.

Sam nodded but knotted her eyebrows together. "Why would I forget that?" She asked. You chuckled a little. "Because you have a million things on your plate and you tend to forget things. Also I know how you freak out when I'm not home on time." You said.

Sam wouldn't admit that you were about that but you were. However nobody can really blame her considering everything she's been through the last two years. It was understandable that she would be worried if you're not home on time.

"So how are things going with the sisters? Any attacks recently?" Beverly asked.

You frowned at her obvious dig at Sam's killer bloodline. "Sam wouldn't hurt me or anyone. Those rumors aren't true." You snapped. Beverly laughed as she narrowed her eyes at you. "Y/N I just don't get how you can trust someone like Sam who's father was a killer. If I was you I'd keep my guard up around psycho girl." She said.

You were growing increasingly angry at the girl. "Sam isn't psycho and she wouldn't hurt me. In fact she's the only person in this city that I know for a fact I can trust." You said strongly. Beverly laughed at that and quickly turned to face you.

"Y/N don't you find it strange how everyone who's been around her always winds up dead. Everywhere she goes ghostface comes back decides to going on a killing spree. Amber, Ritchie and his family all dead after they met Samantha. Anika dead after she met Sam and her sister, along with kids she used to babysit all got seriously injured because of her!" She fired. "You are next if you continue being around the daughter of a killer."

The anger in your eyes grew but immediately disappeared when you looked passed Beverly and noticed Sam standing there. "Sam."

Sam was tense as she held a paper bag in her hand and glanced between you and Beverly. "I just wanted to drop off your lunch since you forget it this morning." She spoke softly. You slowly approached her and took her hand. "Thank you Sammy. You're amazing." You said honestly. Sam relaxed when you said that and smiled a little. "We'll talk later." She said. You nodded at that. "Ok."

After Sam left you unloaded on Beverly in a very quiet but sturn way and told her to watch her mouth when it comes to Sam. That she didn't know the girl or what happened and she can't talk about things that she doesn't even know the truth about. She knows Reddit forms and the rumors, she doesn't know the truth like you do so she in less words should shut up.

Leaving the sandwich shop Sam immediately put her hands in her pockets. She was taking what Beverly said to heart right now because they girl wasn't wrong. People who come in contact with her do get hurt, they do get killed and it haunts her. She knows her father being ghostface ruins everyone's first impression of her. People don't trust her because they think she'll be just like her father, when that's never been the case. She's nothing like him and she really wished people would understand that.

Sitting alone Sam couldn't help but think about Beverly's words. They haven't left her head. However she's not trying that hard to not think of them. Everything said was true and she knew that but she tried not to believe it because she knew herself. At least she thinks she does.

"Sam what are you doing here?" Tara asked when she saw her sister.

Sam shrugged, with her hands still in her pockets. "I, uh, wanted to see you. See how your day has been." She said quickly. Tara knew it was more but didn't push her sister to tell her, so she just let it go for now. "Things are fine. I have a pretty big project due next week so I'll be spending the night at Mindy's so we can work together." She said. Sam nodded as her eyes looked all over. "Uh before that do you think you could help me?"

Tara was shaking her head as she watched Sam try (and fail) at making a cake. She didn't understand how Sam could be such a great cook but completely failed when it comes to baking. It really doesn't make any sense.

"Sam, I love you, but buy a cake!" Tara says. "You can order it today and have it ready by Saturday."

Sam pouted but agreed because that was a much easier idea then her trying to do this. "I guess you're right." She mumbles. Tara looks at her and stepped closer. "You never bake. After the cake you made for my birthday you swore off baking." She said. "So what made you change your mind now?"

Sam played with her fingers while completely avoiding eye contact with her younger sister. "I wanted to do something nice for Y/N's birthday. I wanted her to know that she's special to me." She said. "Do something for her."

Tara knew what her sister was saying without saying it. She knew because she was the same way with Amber, but unlike you, Amber didn't appreciate it.

"I haven't known Y/N long but I do think that whatever you do she'll love." She says.

Sam sighs as she continued playing with her fingers. "I know, but she told me what she wants. She told me how she wants a day about her and doing things she likes. So I'm trying to do that for her." She said. "I just want her to know that she's not ignored."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday came fast then expected and you found yourself wide awake in your room just wondering what today was going to bring you. Your birthday usually never felt any different from any other day of the year, but today it did. You could feel it in your heart that today was going to be different.

"Y/N are you up? I have something for you?" Sam said through the door.

You sat up and held a pillow close to you to protect yourself, for some reason. "Yeah I'm up." You called out. The door opened slowly and Sam came in holding a stack of pancakes in her hand. "First, happy birthday! And two, I've made pancakes because I know they're your favorite." She said softly. "I hope you like it."

You smiled as you took the plate from her. "Sammy this is great. Thank you so much." You said. Sam stood off to the side as she fiddled with her nails. "So what did you want to do? What are your plans?" She asked.

You shrugged as you cut up the pancakes. "I was thinking of getting take out and watching this movie I found. Nothing big." You said. Sam nodded as she looks at you. "Any thing else?" She questions. You felt confused by her question. "What else would we do?" You asked. "I mean, yes it's my birthday, but it's still just another day. Nothing special," you added.

Sam sits down at the edge of the bed. "Well, what have you been wanting to do that you haven't done?" She asked. You thought about it for a while because there was a lot you haven't done. "I would like to go to the museum. I never have been to one because my parents wouldn't let me and I have always wanted to go." Yo said. Sam smiles "done."

Standing at the entrance of the museum you couldn't believe that you were here. You thought it was all talk until you and crew actually arrived at the museum. You wanted to pay but they wouldn't let you. In fact Tara took your card and kept it on her so you couldn't pay for anything. Today was about you and they were all treating you to everything today.

Walking inside the group split up. They all went different directions, leaving you and Sam alone together. You smiled at her and took her hand as you led her towards the art section of the museum. Since you were an art major in college you loved learning about art. It was something you enjoyed doing in your free time.

As you two looked at the art on the walls you talked to Sam about everything you had learned about certain pictures. You told her what you remembered and she lit up as you explained things to her. It made your heart go crazy over the fact that she was obviously enjoying what you were telling her. People usually didn't care what you said, so having Sam actually care made you really happy.

Walking around slowly you and Sam held hands as you looked at everything. You guys made conversation about what you saw. You liked listening to Sam talk and it made you really happy that she was enjoying something that you liked. Her joy wasn't fake or forced and that was another positive about her. She was great.

Spending most of the day at the museum was an absolute dream come true for you! It was everything you imagined and more. Even though it was a very last minute plan Sam made every moment perfect. It was great.

Leaving the museum you and Sam were still holding hands as the group walked back to the car. Today has been great and you've only done two things. It was heartwarming that Sam would do this for you and you couldn't help but think about what you'd do to make it up to her because she really deserves this.

"Sam don't forget the cake!" Mindy blurted out, but quickly covered her mouth when everyone looked at her with harsh glares.

You looked at everyone. "What cake?" You asked. Sam was glaring at Mindy through the rearview mirror before looking at you. "I had a cake made three days ago for your birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise." She said. You smiled at her and took her hand. "I really appreciate that but I would have taken a box cake." You said.

"Oh Sam can't back. That's why she ordered one." Tara said easily, which made everyone laugh.

Sam rolls her eyes but smiled at you. "So would you mind picking up the cake first before we get food?" She asked. You shook your head. "Absolutely not."

Arriving at the cake shop Sam quickly gave the name of the order and waited with you as they went to go get the order. You looked at her. "Thank you for doing this. I really, really appreciate it." You said kindly. Sam smiled at you. "Don't mention it." She says. Things were quiet as you both locked eyes together, and it slowly felt like gravity was pulling you guys together. Neither of you stopped until you met in the middle and shared a kiss. It was quick and you both pulled away before things could go forward. Nothing was said as you both stood in silence together.

With the cake in hand you and Sam left in awkward silence as you got back in the car. You still sat next to her but neither of you said anything as she drove back home. You could really cut the tension with a knife but you both didn't know what to do. How do you talk about this? What do you say?

"Can we eat cake first before eating dinner?" Tara asked.

"Yeah I really want cake right now." Mindy added.

Sam speared you a quick glance before looking at the ground. "Only if it's ok with Y/N. It is her birthday and her cake." She said. Both Tara and Mindy looked at you, begging you to eat cake first. You sighed but smiled a little. "Go ahead. Have cake." You said easily. They both thanked you before running off to cut the cake.

After the cake had been cut and the food had been served the group gathered around the tv to watch the movie that you rented. It was a small indie film that had just been released to streaming and you were excited to watch. However things with Sam were still tense and you sat wondering if she was mad at you.

As the movie went on you just couldn't focus. Your mind was else where, wondering if Sam hated you. She has really talked much since the cake shpo and you were worried that she now hated you because of what happened. She must hate you for the kiss in the shop. Feeling overwhelmed you quickly excused yourself and left. You ran to the bathroom and locked yourself inside. You had to think.

"Ok what's going on?" Chad asked.

"Yeah you and Y/N have been acting weird since the cake shop." Tara pointed out. "So spill Sam."

Sam avoided eye contact with everyone as the played with her hands. "Uh... Well... We kissed. It was quick, very quick but we kissed." She said. They all looked at her and held back the burst of excitement they wanted to yell because they could tell that Sam was sad. "Then what's wrong?" Mindy asked. Sam frowned "I... Don't know. We didn't talk but things got so tense between us and I don't know what to do." She says. Chad, Tara and Mindy looked at her. "Talk to her Sam!"

Sitting alone you were trying to think of a way to talk to Sam and move past this. You hated the tension and you wanted to go back to how you were. However before you could think there was a soft tap on the door.

"Y/N can we talk?"

Slowly opening the door you were face with brown eyes staring right at you. "What did you want to talk about?" You asked softly. Sam closed her eyes for a second before opening them. It was taking all her strength to say what she was about to say.

"I like you Y/N. I've liked you for a while now but I never knew how to tell you. I'm not good with talking about my feelings, so sometimes I'll just react on them. I did that tonight because I couldn't hold back anymore. I just really-"

You cut her off by kissing her again. This time it was longer and filled with more passion as you poured everything you felt for her into that kiss. Since the moment you met Sam you liked her. She was beautiful, strong and had a great sense of humor. When you were alone you guys grew close. She knew things about you that nobody else did. You liked Sam.

Pulling away you smiled at her. "I like you to Sam. I always have." You said. Sam smiled and hugged you. "I'm really glad to hear that." She says. You laughed as you pulled away and smiled at her. Today has been one of the most amazing days ever and it's all thanks to Sam Carpenter.

[camellia-salazar]

May's collection of fan art. I was a lot prepared this month.

All the characters I Kin. Originally without Terrence, Bluey, Edd, and King Dice, but at the end of the day, I couldn't leave those four out. Took basically a week or so to finish.

Two douch bags i felt like drawing. "The Plan (F**k Jobs)" by The Front Bottoms reminded me of them somewhat. Especially Ram.

These two had birthdays this month, so I drew these. I was wrong about Denzel having a birthday in March.

(HC) Pinkie looks forward to her growth while Denzel is feeling depressed because of it. I'll probably draw a better birthday drawing for Denzel later on (most likely next year).

I finally got to listen to the Apple Sleep Experiment sequel. This was drawn during a relisten of the first one. I was trying to draw the sequel version, but I wasn't sure.

This is a drawing for my mom for Mother's Day. She cried from seeing it. Especially the words. (which were from the Valentine's special from EEnE but i thought it was perfect for this piece.)

I'm so glad she loved it :)

I got an idea for Father's Day, too.

"Imagine drawing May 1st art at the end of May. Lmao couldn't be me." Couldn't include May from Twelve/Origins, but I don't think anyone would really worry about that anyway.

Extras without extra stuff:

Personally, I like these. Possibly more than the ones with words and reference pictures. What do you think? I think they're much cleaner, idk.

I had a lot done towards the beginning of the month, so I was actually prepared this time. I'm really glad for all of these, especially the Mother's Day fan art.

Even the people at my program were impressed, and someone even asked if I did commissions. I said that I hadn't been thinking about it. They said they would pay me to draw something for a relative of theirs, but I haven't been talking to them about it since.

Overall, though, I'm just glad that I'm getting better at drawing anything. I've also been looking through my old art recently, and yup, a lot of my style has changed.

I was even drawing some old characters into my recent work. Idk if any of you want to see them, tho. I would like to compare my first time drawing them to my latest time, I just need to find my old old work.

But yeah, thanks for viewing my art and reading my rants. Y'all are awesome! Cya around. I'm looking forward to drawing some Total Drama and That's Not My Neighbor fan art next month. 😁✨️

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.182 Boss lady

When we return home, we find the mailbox stuffed with cards and small gifts, and the porch covered in packages, all for my sweet baby. She is so loved, and it brings a smile to my face. I tell her all of this is for her from our friends who couldn't come to her birthday party. She probably still doesn't know what a birthday is yet, but as she looks around at all the boxes, I'm quite sure I saw a picture forming in her head as a smile spread across her face. It was getting late, so I brought the stuff inside, made dinner, and put Desi to bed. The next morning, I woke up early and spent a few hours opening the boxes and turning the empty spare room into Desi's Play Palace. She has something in there to feed her mind and creativity in every way. After setting up the room, I go outside to set up a play zone in the side yard.

I peek in on her when I came back inside, and she was just waking up, so I bring her downstairs and make a bowl of cereal because it's quick and easy. But just like at the restaurant, and when she was an infant, she thought breakfast time was play time and actually knocked over the entire bowl. Milk spattered on the wall and oozed across the floor to the rug. Colorful, mushy rings shot up like confetti out of a party popper. This is by far the biggest mess she's ever made, and I didn't handle it well.

"Come on," I yelled. "Are you serious right now??"

I didn't mean to be so loud, especially since Sophia was still asleep, but I was just so over this behavior. But what's worse is I scared Desi, and she cried.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to scare you. But...this is not okay. You're supposed to eat the food, not play in it."

I cleaned the mess while she regained her composure and presented her with a new bowl of cereal, reminding myself that it was only cereal and not a labor-intensive feast or something that could ruin the upholstery.

"If I give this to you, are you going to eat it?"

"I eat it. I hungwee!"

"Are you sure?"

"I eat, Daddy!"

"Okay," I said warily.

I place the bowl in front of her and watched to make sure she ate. But she doesn't eat. She just looks at me funny.

"What's wrong?"

"You sit down, Daddy!"

Okay, little boss lady.

After breakfast, we got dressed and worked on potty training because the faster we can be rid of diapers for good, the better. Just like when she was an infant, she sat on the pot with marked hesitance but stuck it out, glancing at me now and then to make sure she was doing the right thing. And also just like before, I was her cheerleader. She didn't make a mess, and a little something landed in the pot, so for a first-timer, I'd say that session was a success. She'll be fully trained in no time.

I stuck her in the playroom so I could get stuff done, but the doorbell rang. It was Maira, and I was glad to see her, of course, and I would never turn her away, but I was really looking forward to knocking out the tasks I left behind when we left suddenly for the wedding. I've learned, as a parent, when a window opens, you better jump through it or else. Oh well. Everything will still be waiting for me when she leaves, so I put that frustration out of my mind and gave her my full attention. Well...maybe just a third, heh.

While we were away, she went on a second date with that guy. Before she got into whatever details she wanted to share, I asked her to tell me about him since she's here and I have a little time. His name is Rahul Chopra, and she actually knew him already. They're both from Henford on Bagley and had mutual crushes when they were younger, but he's a little bit older than her, so nothing ever happened. He used to deliver groceries, but now he owns the whole business. They ran into each other when she visited her parents the other week and kept in touch. They're both pretty active, so I was glad to hear they had something in common. He loves fishing and is in a fishing club. He also loves dancing. The second date went well enough for him to want to see her again and for her to want to kiss him, but she refrained for fear of things going too fast.

She could have told me all this over the phone, but the reason she ran over here was a plot twist at the end of the night. Rahul said he would call her again, and they said goodnight and parted ways. No sooner than he disappeared into the darkness, another man slid into his place and chatted her up. That rubbed her the wrong way and reminded her of how the boys in school used to treat her like the flavor of the week. But this man was FINE. Her words, not mine. He was so fine, she couldn't take her eyes off him if she tried—and she tried. She let him talk, and he seemed like a nice guy who just wanted to shoot his shot. He apologized for showing up so abruptly, gave her his number in hopes she would call, and left her alone in a state of confusion and lust. Naturally, she came to me for advice. She showed me a selfie she and Rahul took, as if that was supposed to help me.

I sat there, smirking at her, proud of how she's finally putting herself out there, but also laughing internally at how she went from swearing off love to having two men vying for her attention. I secretly hoped Sophia was listening and would insert herself into the conversation because I didn't have any advice for her. She's probably still not looking to settle down as of yet, so I felt like the situation isn't as serious as she's making it out to be. Also, seeing that I was halfway dating three women at once, I wasn't the best source of advice for this. Still, as much as I just want to say "have fun and do what you want," I can't help but think about it from the men's perspectives. What if one or both of them is looking for a wife? It wouldn't be right for her to play around with them and waste their time, so I suggested she get to know them both and figure out if she's on the same page with either of them. For good measure, I told her what Mama said to be: be real about your feelings. I swear that's the best advice anyone has ever given me.

[quordleona03]

Does Hawkeye have a sister or not?

Given that alone of all 4077th, Hawkeye Pierce is the one who has named and talked about a home town that doesn't actually exist, it is tempting to assume that his early references to a sister who knits him things and "kiss Mom and Sis for me" in a letter home, are also the same kind of extended-tease that his talk about Crabapple Cove might be.

Someone knitted Hawkeye Pierce a purple cardigan. We see it arrive: we see Hawkeye identify it to Trapper as his sister's knitting: it's way too big for Hawkeye, but we see him wearing it through the series.

But it seems unlikely that when Hawkeye writes to his father in Dear Dad... Again, he is anything but sincere when he tells his father:

I'd like to write more, Dad, but it is Saturday night- the one night we all look forward to. I'm gonna shower now, shave put on a clean uniform and cry myself to sleep. Kiss Mom and sis.

The Doylistic explanation is obviously that in the first few seasons, Hawkeye's family was not yet fixed Hawkeye didn't become definitely the only child of a widower til The Late Captain Pierce where he says of his father:

"He just rattles around in that empty house, gives my things to the Salvation Army and ages a couple of years for every day he thinks I've shaken off this khaki coil!"

Consistently, however, from fourth season onward, Hawkeye's father is a widower: Hawkeye is an only child: his other family is a cousin called Billy: his father never remarried: if his parents had a second child, Hawkeye never mentions her again - but he wears the purple cardigan.

So, setting aside the Doylistic but boring explanation, here's my headcanon:

Hawkeye's mother was Italian. Hawkeye called her Mamá when he spoke to or of her.

Hawkeye is an only child. None of his mother's family live in Maine. But Daniel Pierce is the oldest son and has sisters: his father was the oldest son ("Big Benjy Pierce") and has sisters and brothers. Al of them got married and had children. Hawkeye has aunts and uncles and cousins all over the place in Maine, clustering round the seacoast town where Hawkeye grew up. Billy was his favourite cousin when they were kids. Big Benjy's widow and the widowed daughter who lives with her are referred to by Daniel Pierce as "Mom" and "Sis" and when Hawkeye says "kiss Mom and Sis" that's who he means.

The purple cardigan is huge because the cousin who knitted it for Hawkeye was measuring it against the other Pierce men, and knitted it to fit one of them.

Hawkeye was skipped a couple of grades in school and went to Androscoggin College when he was 16 (his birthday is in August): in his freshman and sophomore years he boarded at the college during the week and his dad drove him home at weekends. Hawkeye had gone to school in a small town where literally everyone knew his family (a significant proportion of the town's population was his family) and he never had to explain his situation to anyone because they all knew it already.

Hawkeye learned, rapidly, in college, that when he said that such and such was from his cousin, and identified a different cousin each time, other students who didn't come from the same kind of Maine family found this hilarious: and they didn't know what to say if he mentioned his mother had died when he was ten.

Hawkeye prefers to make people laugh on purpose: and he learned to code-switch.

He went from tiny, local Ardoscoggin College, pre-med, to Columbia University in New York to take his medical degree, to Boston to become double-Board qualified in thoracic and general surgery, and he learned to not mention that his mother was dead to anyone but his closest friends: he learned to refer to the source of a gift from any female cousin as from his sister, and of course his speech code-switches. Unless he's home in Maine talking to family, Hawkeye doesn't have a Maine accent.

[bangrychannie]

Stray Kids Fic Recs

Hello! Recently I have become a stray kids fan and have fallen into a rabbit hole of fanfiction. Various pairings bc I don't care what the pair is just that it's stray kids related lmao. Added a line break bc there's a lot. Also feel free to rec me skz fics please bc I'm always reading

the book of us; electricity: (Seungjin | 10/10 | 84,966 | teen and up)

HJ @hyunfortunately 5h ;-; i was at the store and this song was playing over the speakers and i tried to remember some lyrics so i could search it up later but i can’t find it this is TRAGIC HJ @hyunfortunately 5h it was in korean and it’s kind of got rock-pop-balladish vibes and the first line of it was “neoneun neo neoneun na” if anyone knows it PLEASE tell me Seungmin doesn’t like to interact with other people on Twitter, but the questions seems almost aimed to him. He hits reply and types, “Try Hi Hello by Day6.” [Seungmin falls for Hyunjin from 2000 miles away. He expected that it would be inconvenient. He didn't expect quite how much Hyunjin would change his life.]

Genuinely one of the best fics I've ever read. It reads like a love letter to high school in the best way possible.

so this is what love is by dwaekinz: (Seungjin | 4/4 | 43,743 | teen and up)

seungmong_22 Hi, Hyunjin! My name is Seungmin. I'm Felix's friend, I hope he's mentioned me before…? Ha. We met online two years ago. I know it's unexpected But I kind of need your help hyuntothejin Me??? After 2 years of online friendship, Seungmin has finally found the time and saved up enough money to visit Felix for his birthday. In order for the surprise to work, he recruits the help of Felix's brother, Hyunjin, and together they spend the next three months forging a plan as well as a friendship of their own— or maybe something more.

So cute and fluffy no notes

Endgame by Raesan (Minsung | 9/9 | 150,840 | Explicit)

Jisung didn’t mean to procrastinate, but he didn’t think that all the clubs would be full in just a week. He sighed, seeing that only one club still had availability. Too bad he didn’t know shit about chess. Or what happens when Jisung, captain of the college soccer team, meets Minho, the number 2 ranked chess player in the country.

This fic is genuinely SO GOOD lol I think about it every day

reply hazy, try again by mrehk (BinChan | 1/1 | 14,951 | Explicit)

Changbin’s calculus tutor is Bang Chan. Smile wide, eyes shining, curly hair wild around his head. He’s got his backpack slung over one arm, those fuck ass chino shorts with a five inch inseam that make Changbin’s mouth water— and, goddamn, he’s wearing a fucking cropped t-shirt. Jisung and Seungmin are going to string Changbin up and have their way with public humiliation when they hear about this. (OR: solving for the derivative of l+o+v+e)

Funny and cute, I love idiots in love and that's what this is

Also mrehk is a fantastic writer so if you like this fic there's way more where that came from

i will protect you (gothic font) by mrehk (Minsung | 1/1 | 16,661 | Explicit)

Seungmin ignores him, smacking the folder onto the desk, flipping it open without looking, sliding it across the surface towards Minho. “It doesn’t matter. This was in the lease. You signed, right—” he taps the bottom corner, Minho’s initials perfectly legible. “Here.” “Excuse me?” Minho leans forward. “Paragraph nineteen subsection C,” Seungmin says, not even looking down as he recites the document word for word. “Lease is not voidable in the case of suspected paranormal activity.” He pounds his finger on the period. Minho laughs. A short, barked thing, completely disbelieving. “You’re kidding me.” “I’m really not,” Seungmin’s face pinches up into the sort of fake, squinted smile someone gives when they’re being an asshole. No remorse. (OR: Minho has ghosts, Jisung hunts ghosts)

Another funny one by mrehk my beloved

one day to fall in love (countless ones to love you) by whatifidbeenthatauthor (Minsung | 1/1 | 22,018 | Mature)

Minho stopped in his tracks. He turned to face Han Jisung. He looked unbothered, still going on about his way. “You didn’t say Hi,” Minho said, forcing the voice to come out of his throat. “You always say hi, hyung.” Jisung turned to look at him, a smile playing on his lips. He looked amused. Minho’s mind wasn’t keeping up. “Today’s different, I guess,” Jisung shrugged. “I went with a variation.” Minho would have found him insufferable, but he didn’t have the mental capacity to process the frustrating sensation that usually accompanied Jisung’s presence. Minho blurted out something that might have him sent to a madhouse. “No. I’ve lived today six times. You- you always say hi, hyung.” He felt crazy. More than usual. Jisung laughed. “What the fuck,” he said, and Minho knew he sounded insane, but could this kid please not be so arrogant? “Me, too. I thought I was the only one,” he continued, and he changed Minho’s life. *** Minho's life is boring, predictable, borderline uneventful. Until he gets stuck in a time loop. And, with him, his friends' friend, Han Jisung, a crazy dude who's only into skating. And whom Minho doesn't necessarily like.

I love time loop/time travel fics if anyone wants a list of specifically those lmk lmao

(never) have your fill of me by lolainslackss (Minsung | 3/3 | 36,028 | Explicit)

“How often can he possibly be having sex that it’s disturbing you this much?” Hyunjin asks, disbelieving. “He has sex, like, every day. And then again at night, sometimes.” Jisung makes a noise of distress. He drags his hands down his face before balling them into fists beneath his chin. “It’s just . . . so distracting, Hyunjin.” “Distracting,” Hyunjin repeats, giving Jisung a meaningful smirk. “Oh, I bet it is.” “Aw,” Jisung whines. “Why’d you have to say it like that?” “Like what?” “Like you think I wish I were the one he were fucking, instead.” “Because you do, don’t you, or are we pretending we both don’t know that?” Hyunjin’s gaze flits over to Minho before it swiftly cuts back to Jisung, all-knowing. “You’d let him do anything to you. Am I wrong?” - In which PhD student Han Jisung unleashes a succubus from a magical book, winds up living with him, and then forms a sex pact with him.

I also have a lot of demon fic recs so lmk

36 Questions That May Lead to Love by bluecalicocat (Minsung | 1/1 | 17,282 | Teen and Up)

generic username @realhanjisung yo my friend wants to be a therapist, can someone pls fake date me so he can practice counseling couples? i have 3 cats @leeknow deal

This fic is so funny

Searching for My Heart in Yours by lk321 (minsung | 5/5 | 36,995 | General)

When Jisung moves to Miroh, a town in the middle of nowhere, all he’s looking for is some peace and quiet. Instead, what he finds is a prickly witch for a neighbor by the name of Minho, who accidentally spills a potion on Jisung and forms a psychic bond between them, opening Jisung to whole new world of magic. As Minho tries to find a cure for their predicament, Jisung finds himself pulled into Minho's lively and magical life. It's not the peace and quiet Jisung was looking for, but as Jisung gets to know the witch through the emotions they're forced to share, Jisung realizes that the answers he’s searching for in life might just lie here in Miroh, in places he least expects.

Feels like a warm hug

the long game by floraii (HyunSung | 1/1 | 16,045 | Teen and Up)

“Anyway,” he continues, voice still sultry, “I’ve been seeing you in class, and I was just wondering—” he moves his hand to curl around a strand of his hair. “Could I get your number?” Han Jisung’s big brown eyes blink again. His gaze darts to his lips, then to his notebook, then up to his eyes. “To study?” “Yeah,” Hyunjin blurts without thinking. What the fuck? Study? What is happening? Why is he agreeing?

Hyunjin has a type. It’s not usually shy boys in his Intro to Statistics class with big round eyes and glasses, but Han Jisung is different.

This fic was so funny I was actually laughing out loud

I have plenty more where that came from! So there will be more recs soon

[toomuchracket]

bday boy (flatmate!matty)

(hi! day 1 of Birthday Party week, a celebration of our short king turning 34 on the 8th, organised by legend icons @the1975attheirverybest and @brownduck! i don't know if i'll be writing every day, but i thought it might be nice to kick off "your first birthday as a couple - his" with a tiny thing about the love of everyone's life, flatmate!matty. enjoy!)

the sunlight streaming through the thin curtains is what wakes matty up. it's warm on his face, a gentle caress, as if to soften the aching realisation that he's another year older as of today.

that realisation is also softened by you, tucked safely into his chest, still fast asleep. your bare legs are entwined with his, your hair escaping from the loose bun you insist on putting your hair in every night, and your nose twitches adorably as you lightly mewl (he can't think of a more accurate word) in your sleep; matty has never seen a cuter sight in his life than you right now.

he hopes you're dreaming of him, to be as contented as you are. matty's certainly dreamed of you - in the years before you finally got together, it was for sights like the one he's woken up to today. now, his unconscious fantasies are filled with diamond rings, white dresses, you in sundresses with a swollen stomach, toddlers with your sparkling eyes and his wild curls. it's been less than a year since you both braved the transition from friends to lovers, but matty knows that he wants to wake up to you and only you for the rest of his life. well, to you and several children that are half you and half him, feisty little characters with wicked senses of humour and hearts of gold.

you begin to stir in your sleep, limbs shifting and head rolling back as you awaken. matty eases you through it by rubbing small circles into your bare back, which makes your eyes flutter open slowly. the butterflies in his stomach begin to flutter in parallel - god, he loves you so much. you smile sleepily at him, before your eyes widen in alarm and you exclaim. "FUCK! you weren't supposed to be awake first!"

matty's brow furrows in confusion. "and good morning to you too, sweetheart?"

"sorry," your face softens into a sheepish smile that melts matty's heart. "i just... i wanted to be up before you, so i could make breakfast and surprise you with it. happy birthday, baby."

christ. he could cry at how sweet you are, but he just pulls you close and kisses your forehead instead. "fuck, i love you so much."

"so you're not in a mard because i haven't made you pancakes?" you giggle, as matty begins pressing little kisses all over your face, your bare chests pressed together. "i love you too, by the way, even if i did wake up late on your birthday. i swear i have the rest of the day planned out nicely, though - we'll meet your mum for lunch and then see the boys for a drink then go for dinner and i've booked this hotel in town for tonight that i really think you're gonna li-"

"-baby, baby, it's alright," matty interjects, before you talk yourself back into unconsciousness. "just relax, yeah? s'just another day. no point getting yourself all worked up about it."

your shoulders move forward like you're deflating. "but it's not just another day, matty. it's your birthday, and i'm your girlfriend now," you murmur into his chest. "just wanted today to be special for you, and s'all thrown off now."

you sound so sad about the whole thing that matty's heart aches. weirdly, though, it continues to flutter at the inherent tenderness of how much you love him, to want to make his birthday such a lovely day. "darlin', it'll be special anyway," matty says, tilting your chin up so he can look at you properly. "how could it not be? i'm spending it with you, love of my life, girl of my dreams."

"who couldn't even wake up on time to bring you surprise pancakes in bed," you mutter petulantly, looking away from your boyfriend.

matty's undeterred by your annoyance, though; he begins to press kisses down your face and jaw and onto your neck, long, sensual kisses that involve swipes of his tongue across the spot he knows makes you go loopy. when you begin to moan, despite yourself, matty gently rolls you onto your back and continues to kiss down your body, your moans continuing as background music to his actions, stopping when he reaches the tops of your thighs. "i can think of something i'd much prefer to eat for my birthday breakfast than pancakes. can i, angel?"

smiling, you open your legs, and let matty settle himself between them happily. after all, who are you to deny the birthday boy what he wants?

[goldenavenger02]

and i will try (to fix you)

"So, what are you asking, exactly?"

"You taught me everything I know about waterbending, not to mention you're the strongest waterbender I know," Aang explained, her cheeks filling with a flush as he reached over to tuck a stray hair behind her ear before asking, "so, will you teach me how to heal?"

OR: 5 times Aang tried to heal someone with waterbending and 1 time he did.

(This is so long only because I am neurodivergent and don't know when to stop yapping about random lore things, like water healing and yet I still get ages wrong in the fic. I'm not fixing it, Lin is now older then Tenzin and that just has to be okay with everybody because I am not changing it.

This is also my birthday fic to myself! My birthday isn't until Wednesday, but I will be starting my summer job then which will make me 90% offline and I will not have time to respond to comments like I usually do.

With that, I hope you all enjoy this very, VERY, long fic and now, on with the story!)

1. The Question

"Hey, you okay?" Katara asked softly, breaking Aang out of his thoughts as he sat on the balcony of the high-end inn that King Kuei insisted on putting the three of them in while they were in Ba Sing Se for the next week, his legs dangling in the air.

Aang didn't know how to answer that; the war had just ended a month ago but his gut was still tight with guilt even though he had ended things as peacefully as possible.

"I've been meaning to ask you something," he finally spoke, resulting in her taking a few steps forward and resting her hand on his shoulder; he couldn't deny how gorgeous she looked even in the dim light of the setting sun with the last rays shining in her ocean-blue eyes.

"You can ask me anything."

"Toph and Zuko want to continue teaching me earth and fire bending," he looked down at his hands and the intricate blue arrows marking the backs of them, "and I know that no matter how hard I try, even the most peaceful option can still ruin lives but if there's something I can do to make up for it-"

"Ozai needed to go down," Katara cut him off, moving her hand off of his shoulder and rubbing soft circles on his upper back, "you stopped him without killing him, which is a lot braver than what the rest of us would have done."

"I know, but… there are people in the Fire Nation, in the Earth Kingdom and the water tribes that have lost family and friends in this war because I wasn't here to stop them, and even after I got out of the ice, people still died."

He watched as her fingers trailed off to the pendant of her necklace for a few moments, like it always did when she was reminded of her mother, before her gaze returned to him.

"So, what are you asking, exactly?"

"You taught me everything I know about waterbending, not to mention you're the strongest waterbender I know," Aang explained, her cheeks filling with a flush as he reached over to tuck a stray hair behind her ear before asking, "so, will you teach me how to heal?"

"I didn't spend as much time with Yagoda as I should have to teach anyone and most of what I know is self-taught," Katara explained after a beat before raising her eyebrow, "you're sure that you want me to teach you?"

"You brought me back to life," Aang pointed out, trying not to think about the starburst of a scar on his back, "you also saved Zuko's life. I don't know about you, but that sounds at the very least like someone who can teach me the basics."

"Can I think about it? I just…" she let out a breath of air, finally taking her hand off of his back and folding her elbows over the balcony railing before resting her head on them, "it's not that I don't want to teach you, but I don't want anyone to start seeing me differently."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to just be seen as a healer, and I know that you would never see me that way, but…"

"You're worried about what others might think," Aang filled in the blank and watched as she nodded against her folded arms, "I understand. I don't want to pressure you, I just…it's stupid."

"No it's not," she reached one of her hands towards him and squeezed it in hers, the pressure reassuring him that the guilt tightening around his heart wasn't unfounded, "if you have to damage something, you want to be able to help fix it. That's not stupid, Aang."

"It's not?"

"No." She stood up straight for a moment, to press a kiss to his cheek, before resting again on her elbows with their hands firmly clasped around each other's until long after the sun went down and their eyes had the reflections of stars in them.

Despite all of the feelings swirling around Aang, the pure joy won out as Katara continued to squeeze his hand and the moon started to softly illuminate the balcony; at the end of the day, they had won the war, their closest friends were all alive and thriving in the beginnings of rebuilding.

And above it all, he had won Katara's heart and she had won his.

So when he felt the first of what would have evolved into many yawns if he continued to stand on the balcony build up, he maneuvered his hand out of hers, scooched over and planted his feet firmly on the ground, speaking as he turned toward the door.

"We should get some sleep."

"You're right, but Aang?"

"Yes?" He turned back around to see her grasping onto her upper arm as she spoke.

"I'll teach you, how to heal."

If it had been any other time of day, he would have thanked her over and over with uncontrollable excitement, but he was exhausted so he settled for pulling her into a hug, "thank you, Katara."

"You're welcome," she insisted, squeezing tightly for a moment before he pulled away to see a mischievous glint in her eyes, "and I know who you can practice on."

…

"Katara? You're sure about this?" Sokka's voice wavering hit Aang with a pang of doubt even as he overexplained his thought process, "not that I don't trust you or anything, of course I trust you, but my leg is almost back to a hundred percent and-"

"If it goes wrong, then I'll take over," Katara cut off his ramblings as she gathered her supplies from the other side of the room, "but unlike Zuko, you'll actually tell Aang and I if something feels off."

"Yeah, I guess I have him beat there," Sokka shrugged as he sat down in the wooden chair, propping his left leg on the ottoman, "have you heard anything about how he's doing?"

"As far as I know, he's back to usual activity."

"So he gets to go back to normal a month after getting his insides fried like fire flakes, but I still have to use a crutch when I'm nearly better?"

"Mai and the royal physician are keeping a very close eye on him and will alert me at the first sign of things going south, but he insisted on getting to work on repairing the Fire Nation," Katara elaborated, her hands expertly guiding the blade that was removing the old bandages around his leg, "also, he wasn't the one who refused to let me look at his injuries for five days."

That comment made Sokka go quiet, no longer a distraction to Aang's shaking hands as he knelt down beside Katara with full access to the injured limb decorated in the final stages of healing bruises.

"I'm not gonna hurt him if I do this wrong, right?"

"No," Katara insisted while bending the water out of her water-skin and holding it in between her palms, "the worst you could do is nothing, and like I said, Sokka will tell us if something feels wrong. Won't you, Sokka?"

"Yep."

"Okay."

"Are you ready?"

Aang nodded, and bent the small current out of her palms, holding it in between his own as he awaited her instructions.

"Healing wounds with water, it uses the water as a catalyst to redirect the energy paths in the body; by focusing more energy on the wounded area, it accelerates the healing process. That's why Sokka is actually able to put some of his weight on his leg instead of all on the crutch."

Aang nodded, absorbing her words as he bent the water over one of the yellowish-green bruises on Sokka's lower leg, his hands hovering over it as his tongue slipped out with concentration.

"Can you feel the energy in the bruises, how it's all tensed up under the skin?"

Aang shook his head, allowing Katara to gently guide his arms upwards toward Sokka's thigh, "what about now? The energy in his upper leg is loose and flowing because it was mostly uninjured, but…" she trailed off, guiding his palms back down towards the bruising, "because his leg was broken here, it's tighter and at a near stand-still."

Aang furrowed his brow; he had bent energy just last month when he had removed Ozai's bending, but all he could feel under his palms were the ends of the hair on Sokka's legs being pulled toward him in the water.

"I-I'm sorry, I can't feel anything." He finally stuttered as he slumped backwards and pulled his knees to his chest, allowing Katara to take the water from his palms and focus on the bruising.

"Yagoda said it can take months to learn how to feel the energy inside someone else's body, that it can be subtle if the wound isn't as severe."

"Seriously, Aang," Sokka spoke up, clearly trying his best to add to the reassurance that his sister was giving him, "my leg is almost completely healed. You'll get it with a fresher wound, I know it."

Aang still couldn't help but sigh, rest his head on his bent knees and wrap his arms around them while Katara worked miracles like it was the easiest thing in the world.

2. A Second Chance

The trip to Ba Sing Se ended up ending three days earlier than expected when a messenger hawk from the Fire Nation flew into Katara's window at the inn with a loud call that had Aang rubbing his eyes in confusion next door.

It took ten minutes for her to open his bedroom door, dressed for the day as she announced while adjusting her water-skin, "we need to get to the Fire Nation."

Katara had always been the one who kept Aang and Sokka on track throughout their travels and always remained serious when the situation required it, so he knew it was bad the moment her eyes met his and after pulling on his own clothes, went straight to Appa to get him ready for the trip.

By the time he had the saddle and reins tightened and his luggage in the saddle, Katara walked over with a determined stride, throwing her bag into the saddle with ease.

"Sokka is staying to finish the last of the discussions with King Kuei and Suki is on her way here to help out." Katara explained as she climbed into the saddle, her face set with a fixated worry that Aang knew all too well.

He didn't hesitate to lift himself onto Appa, flicking the reins with a "yip yip" and waiting until they had passed over the lower ring of Ba Sing Se before finding it in himself to ask, "it's Zuko, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is," Katara's strained voice filled his gut with a nauseating worry, "you'll get to practice healing him after all."

That statement only filled Aang with even more dread as they streamlined towards Capitol City.

…

"Are you still having trouble breathing?"

"The royal physician really shouldn't have scared Tao and Mai like that, or you two-"

"Zuko, that is not what I asked," her snappy tone not only had Aang sitting straight up in the chair, but also stunned the newly crowned Fire Lord into silence, "you're lucky Tao sent for me and that I know how to redirect excess energy in the body."

"Wait, you do?" Aang spoke up, getting a quick smile from Katara as she continued to hold the water just above the scar tissue that matched his own to a T.

"It's part of healing; you can direct more energy to a injure to heal it, but an excess of tense, jumbled up energy can cause more harm than good so you may need to pull some away," she explained before making eye contact with Zuko who was raising a confused eyebrow, "I'm teaching him."

Aang stood up to get a closer look; they had arrived to a tense chaos that had resulted in Katara tell him to stay back while she took care of the pressing issue of Zuko struggling to breathe along with the muscle spasms, but now that the dust had settled, she silently took a step to the side so he could observe.

Despite happening a month ago and the healing that Katara had provided multiple times a day for the first week after it had happened, the lightning scar was still jagged and an angry red that started at the bottom of Zuko's chest, traveled up into his right shoulder before snaking around to his back.

It was all too reminiscent of blinking up at Katara before awakening weeks later with bandages covering a good chunk of his body and dark hair covering the top of his skull in a way that made his stomach churn.

"Alright, Aang," Katara's voice brought him back to reality, reminding him that he was not in the catacombs of Ba Sing Se, as she hovered a small stream of water in between her palms, "are you ready to give it a go?"

"Y-yeah," he stuttered before shaking his head and trying again, "yeah, I'm ready."

"Okay," she nodded, bending the water toward him slowly so he could take control, "Zuko, considering your internal organs are what we're working on, you really need to let us know if something doesn't feel right."

Aang could see Zuko fix his jaw and grip the edge of the blanket with a stiff nod that made him sweat, but he pulled in a long, deep breath and awaited instruction.

"Start at the shoulder and work your way down slowly. I worked out most of the energy in his chest, but there's still a lot at the entry point. It shouldn't overwhelm you if you don't rush."

Aang nodded, holding the small amount of water over the red markings on Zuko's shoulder; it wasn't like Sokka's leg, he could feel the energy Katara was talking about in the form of jumbled, irritated nerves under his fingers even if they felt impossible to get to.

He closed his eyes, trying to picture the energy twisting around itself that was causing his friend more pain than necessary and only starting to untwist it with his fingers once he was sure that he had a good hold on it.

"You're doing great, Aang," he heard her praise as he opened his eyes for a few minutes before her voice moved away from over his shoulder, "Zuko? Are you still with us?"

"Yes."

"Feel any different? Less tense?"

Zuko pulled in a breath that sounded a bit shaky, but when he nodded in agreement to Katara's question, Aang relaxed, closed his eyes again and continued to slowly move downward toward the base of the wound.

The twisting only grew under his fingertips as he moved downward as his forehead became sticky with exertion, but he pressed on.

"Aang?" Katara asked as he found himself biting the inside of his cheek while trying to untangle a particularly strong bunch of energy, "do you need a break?"

"N-no, I'm okay."

"Aang, I really think you need to take a break." She tried again, her voice still gentle but no longer asking, but Aang shook his head, using the water in his palms to pull at the twisting that was trying to knot itself inside of Zuko.

"I've almost got it, just let me-"

He rose in the air, eyes and arrows glowing in the reflection of the Dai Li armor, and focused his eyes for a brief moment on Katara as he continued to beam upwards.

Only for a shock to fill his entire body and send him falling to the ground as he lost consciousness.

Aang pulled away from the lightning wound with a large 'splash' as the water fell from his palms and onto Zuko, Katara and the bed but all he could focus on was the tightness in his throat and the pressure in his lungs.

"Aang-"

But before he could hear any of them out, he stood and ran out the doors even after hearing someone call out his name, trying desperately to catch his breath while it lodged in his throat.

"It's over," he tried to reassure himself as he slid down against the wall, pressing his eyes against his shaking hands, "y-you're not there any more. It's over."

He swallowed harshly to try and remove the lump in his throat and managed to pull his teary eyes from his hands before Katara walked into the room.

Even when she slid down beside him and told him "it's okay", he still found his chest rising and falling faster as he wiped tears off of his cheeks.

"You didn't hurt anyone, we're all okay," she insisted, gently pressing her palm against his upper back, "are you okay, Aang?"

"I s-should be past it now," Aang stuttered, leaning closer against her chest and taking in the sound of her calm, deep breaths to try and slow his own, "it was months ago."

"But you're not. Injuries like that, especially ones that are so fresh, can be really triggering. It happens to the best of us, okay?"

'You're not there. It's over.' His mental reassurances were doing nothing to calm the rapid 'thump' of his heartbeat as he finally managed to get himself to voice his concern to Katara.

"Can we take a break? From you teaching me about this?" He pleaded as he made eye contact with her, "I just…I think I need a bit longer to recover."

"Of course," Katara nodded instantly as she pressed a soft kiss to the back of one of his shaking hands, "we'll take as long as you need."

3. Beginning Again

It was supposed to be a simple trip to Omashu, for more discussions about rebuilding and bills and financial aid that would inevitably fall on Zuko's selfless shoulders.

But the uprising of Ozai supporters throughout the nations had only steadily grown in the two years after Zuko had taken the throne, so when it was revealed that all five of them needed to make the trip to Omashu, it didn't take long for them to settle on traveling together with the Kyoshi Warriors as part of the security force.

For the first couple of days, as they all crowded around a campfire while telling jokes and eating their dinners, Aang couldn't help but find himself longing for the days that they had all traveled as a group.

But it also reminded him that after they finished their business in Omashu, they would go back to being separated as they resumed their duties around the world; while Aang would be forever grateful for the financial support he had received from the other nations to preserve the Air Temples as historical landmarks, it also was a painful reminder that he was the last of his people.

On their third and final day of traveling towards Omashu, the skies opened up and poured relentlessly on himself, Katara, Sokka and Appa in the air and the Kyoshi Warriors walking alongside the caravan that held Zuko and Toph, which only continued to add to his growing sadness.

"I get why Zuko is in the caravan, he can barely breathe without someone trying to assassinate him," Sokka complained as he wiped what looked like a cup of water off of his head and onto Appa, who protested with a growl, "but Toph can stick it out with the rest of us."

"She does love the mud," Katara chuckled fondly, bending the rainwater out of her clothes to no avail, "but no matter how much she doesn't act like it, she's also got a target on her back due to her family."

"But Aang is still in the rain, and he's the Avatar!"

"I like the rain," Aang shrugged before reaching forward and scratching against Appa's wet head, "and Appa needs company."

He did not want to think about the storm that had transpired the night he left the Southern Air Temple, and he really didn't want to think about just how tightly he had held Appa's reins in his palms as they were pulled down by the relentless waves.

But before either of the siblings could add to his statement, the sound of an explosion rang out from under them, resulting in Aang gripping the reins so Appa would turn only to see the caravan turned over on its side while the perpetrators started to approach the smoke.

"Katara, Sokka, go get them out!" Aang shouted before grabbing his glider and joining the Kyoshi Warriors on the ground, sending a group of five to the ground with a blast of air before beginning to use his staff to propel them away.

They were severely outnumbered, no matter how many people were chi-blocked by the warriors, all while lightning seared the sky and the rumble of thunder overwhelmed their ears.

Aang hoped that he would be allowed to be involved in the interrogations of the attackers when all of this was over, because why anyone would go through with their plans as rain pounded on armor and had to be continuously wiped from their eyes was beyond him.

He winced at the smell of heavy smoke prevailing despite the downpour, because it meant that the caravan was more than likely rigged, that there was a double agent involved with the transport who could be taking down the Fire Nation from the inside.

But the most distressing part to Aang was that someone had seen the fourteen year old and the eighteen year old getting inside with smiles on their faces, with very long lives and long legacies ahead of them, and went through with an assassination anyway.

No one could see his tears through the rain as a part of him, maybe one of his past lives, demanded that he use the other elements and enter the Avatar state in order to end the ambush in that moment.

The slash of a sword ripping into his upper arm and coating his orange and yellow clothes in red would have been the turning point if a wave of fire hadn't erupted beside him and he was met with the bruised and soot-covered, but very alive, face that belonged to none other than Zuko.

Aang nearly cheered with relief until he saw the grave look on that same dirty face that he sent out another wave of fire.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He demanded, propelling the fire further with a blast of air.

"It's…it's Suki," Zuko stuttered while deflecting a swipe of a sword with his heavily armored wrist, "it's bad."

That's all it took for Aang to glide back into the sky and go to find the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors in the midst of the ambush; the aggressive rain drops did nothing to help him see in the crowd of green, gray, black and red as it dripped off of his skull and into his eyes.

But when he saw the green and yellow behind a rock wall and a flash of blue and white holding one of the warriors tightly in their arms, he knew he had found the right spot and descended inside of the wall.

"I'm gonna go find Katara." Toph insisted as soon as he landed and vaulted over the top of the rock wall, allowing Aang to crouch down beside Suki.

Zuko wasn't lying when he said it was bad; her armor across her stomach was badly slashed and along with it was a growing puddle of dark red that was starting to drip onto the muddy ground.

"I-I know you stopped learning, but is there anything you can do?" Sokka pleaded with a hand in her hair and the other clasped around her slack ones, the rain doing nothing to mask his tears.

It had been two years since he insisted that he needed a break, but his memory clasped tightly onto what he had learned in the month after defeating Ozai.

"I can try." Aang nodded and started to pull the rain out of the sky in order to form a small stream like the one Katara always kept by her side.

As he held it over the gaping wound, he could have sworn that he heard Sokka begging for Suki to "stay with him", the same way he imagined him saying it to Yue, but he did his best to block it out as he closed his eyes to focus.

The only way she was going to live was if he focused on the wound.

Not the fact that the first time he had done this, he had felt nothing. Not the fact that the second time he had done this, he had been left with a panic attack so intense that he had nearly given up on the practice.

'I cannot lose anyone else.'

And with that solemn thought, he pushed down and began to try his best to stabilize any of the veins and nerves that he could, pulling the tired energy away to bring in some that was more alert.

His forehead coated in a sheen coat of sweat when he heard two sets of footsteps run towards them, followed by the familiar shout of his girlfriend, "I'm here! I'm here!" before she settled in beside him.

When he heard the cork on the water-skin pop open, he expected to be pushed away.

"Aang, keep doing what you're doing." She demanded, which surprised Aang, but he did what he was told and kept his eyes closed as he continued to push and pull with the rain water in his palms.

"Her heartbeat is starting to steady."

"Stay with me…stay with me…"

"They…they got away…"

"I think she's almost stable."

That statement had Aang opening his eyes, bending with one palm and blowing into the bison whistle with the other before they started the precarious transport of Suki while her light, shallow breathing echoed against Sokka's chest.

…

Aang had stood on a similar balcony two years ago when he asked Katara to start teaching him how to heal, the two of them bathed in the final rays of the day.

As Aang stood in the first few rays of the morning, he wasn't surprised to be met by Katara looping her hand in his and standing by his side; he was starting to get taller than her, but she just had to reach across to grasp his hand.

"Suki's gonna be okay," she assured him, tucking her hand against his jaw so he was face to face with her ocean-blue eyes that were unable to mask the exhaustion from hours of healing, "you saved her life."

"I didn't save her," Aang pulled his gaze away, feeling Katara tense in her grip on his hand, "that was all you."

"You stabilized her before I got there. She…" Katara trailed off and never finished her sentence, but he knew what she meant.

In the heat of the ambush, Aang had been the only thing that stood between Suki and death's doorstep and in doing so, he had completed the goal that he wanted to accomplish when he first asked Katara to teach him.

"Thanks, Katara." Aang smiled, trying to ignore the throbbing in his upper arm from where the bandages hugged it too tightly.

She dropped his hand and turned towards the door, her gaze lingering on him for a few beats.

"Meet me inside, when you're done?"

"Yeah," Aang agreed, but he found it in himself to take a deep breath and ask, "Katara?"

"Yes?"

"If you're okay with it," Aang turned to meet her eyes, blinking with unfounded curiosity in a way that made his heart melt, "I want to get back to learning how to heal."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive," he stopped to reach forward and grip her forearm gently before tacking on, "Sifu Katara."

Aang was nearly swept off of his feet when she pulled him forward against her lips; she tasted like the rainfall and the ocean, successfully taking his mind off of the angry pulse of his arm as the sun rays continued to dry out their clothes.

4. By Force

The diplomatic visit to Omashu continued with one of the other Kyoshi Warriors, who was named Reina, taking over Suki's duties.

Unfortunately for Aang, that meant having to try his best to stay awake while various dignitaries droned on and on about financial aid they still hadn't received from the Fire Nation, even though Zuko had made it abundantly clear that the money wasn't there due to Ozai tying their economy into their military, all while his arm throbbed painfully against his sleeve.

The long gash that had adored his clothes in red hadn't seemed important when he was faced with the gravity of Suki's wounds and Sokka's pleas, but two days past the ambush and the few futile attempts of using the river water to heal it had resulted in him looking at the world with tired, feverish eyes while the injury worsened.

The headache that was accompanying the pain wasn't helped as yet another person, he was pretty sure that he had been introduced as a general but Aang's mind was fuzzy, all but screamed at Zuko over some sort of funding that had been temporarily pushed back by a few months.

"-all these people are still suffering because you keep pushing us back to fund the Southern Water Tribe rebuilding efforts and the Air Temple restoration project!"

"I'm sure that you understand why their bills are getting priority, given their history with the Fire Nation despite you insisting that it's favoritism." Even in his feverish haze, Aang could hear the bite in Zuko's voice

"If the Earth Kingdom had lost all of our benders or if there was only one Earth Kingdom citizen left due to a hundred years of war that was caused by the Fire Nation, he would prioritize us higher," Toph added, her voice unusually calm, "and he has already given Omashu and Ba Sing Se hundreds of thousands to restore and rebuild."

He could have sworn that someone said his name, but he rubbed his eyes before looking up, only to see several sets of eyes on him.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I was simply asking if you would be okay with the Fire Nation skipping a few months of financial help on the Air Temple Restoration project in order to even out the payments to the water tribes and the Earth Kingdom."

"I don't have a problem with that," Aang responded, his mouth growing dry with every word he spoke as his head started to spin, "I mean, all of the nations have been so generous with their donations that I can probably restore the entirety of the Southern and Northern Air Temples with the funds I have. The Eastern and Western ones suffered a significant amount of damage, but if I focus on the north after I finish the south, I shouldn't need more payments for at least the next six months."

"So, it's been decided by the Avatar himself," the general's smug face was enough to pull anger from Aang despite his hazy vision as it clicked that he had been used against Zuko, "the Fire Nation will pause their payments to the Air Temple Restoration project until after the Northern Air Temple has been preserved."

"Very well."

Aang winced as he was hit by a wave of nausea and rested his head against his hand, trying to will it away with closed eyes.

"Next order of business, I want to…is he okay?"

"Aang?"

"You okay, buddy?"

"Hey, I think he's going to…"

Aang could feel himself fall forward as his vision spotted into darkness and his hearing ceased.

…

When he finally blinked himself awake in the dim lighting, he wasn't surprised to see Katara's concerned face; he didn't know if it was the fever or the small shed of light in the room that made her eyes look like they were glittering.

"Hey, sweetie," she whispered, reaching over to the side before pressing something blissfully cool against his cheek, "welcome back."

"Did I…" he winced at the scratch in his throat that he tried to clear to zero avail, "did I go somewhere?"

It was only when Katara wiped her eyes on her forearm that he realized that the glitter was actually tears and that the tears were for him.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"That one guy was angry about funding and I felt really sick the whole time."

"You got injured in the ambush," she filled in, still gently pressing the cool cloth to his face, "were you taking care of the wound?"

"I tried to heal it, with the water in the river," Aang explained, only to get a soft shake of Katara's head as a response that made him flush with embarrassment, "not my wisest move."

"River and rain water can work in a pinch, like when you stabilized Suki," she started to explain as she pulled the cloth away before gently cutting through the clean, thick bandages around his bicep, "but for future reference, you really want to use clean water so it doesn't get infected."

He nodded, wincing at the bite of the sting that made its way through his left arm, before finding it in himself to fill the silence.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, Katara. I'm sorry for scaring everyone, but especially you."

"It got us out of "let's scream at Zuko for five hours", so I doubt they'll hold it against you," she explained with a quick smirk before her brow furrowed in concentration, "as for me, try not to scare me like that. Okay, sweetie? I like you too much."

"Understood, Sifu Katara," he insisted, eliciting a small laugh out of her, "do you need to go back?"

She shook her head with unwavering determination, "I'm not leaving you until I know you're better, and that's final."

Aang couldn't help but smile with relief as she leaned in for a quick peck on her lips before returning her attention to his inflamed wound.

5. Refusal

Republic City always felt like a breath of fresh air to Aang.

While places like Ba Sing Se, Capitol City and Wolf Cove felt so isolated in their own traditions and practices, The United Republic was the best of all the nations all in one place.

It was the closest thing he had to a place he belonged in a world without airbenders.

It had taken several long years to bring the small city called Cranefish Town into the largely populated Republic City, but with the support and financial aid left over from the Air Temple Restoration project, it became a reality.

It certainly helped Aang's case by having the Kyoshi Warriors, the Fire Lord, the newly elected Chairman of the United Republic, the chief of police and most importantly, Katara, on his side.

But today, he and his wife weren't in the city on political business; with Sokka and Suki insisting that they take Bumi and Kya off of their hands, they were finally taking some time to enjoy themselves for the first time since Kya was born a month ago.

"I've missed this, you know," Aang insisted, his fingers wrapped tightly around Katara's in the midst of the bustling crowd outside one of the new Fire Nation restaurants, "just us."

However, he was met with a soft sigh, "you have work, don't you?"

"I just need to get some crime reports from Toph so I can discuss it with Zuko and Sokka next week," he insisted with a gentle squeeze on her shoulder, "it should only take five, ten minutes," another sigh that had his hand lingering back down to hers, "after that, I am all yours. I swear."

"I know, I know…" she sighed, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.

"Hey, Katara," he spoke gently, the same way he did when he got out of their bed to soothe their daughter so she could continue to rest, "what's wrong? What did I do?"

"It's nothing, you didn't do anything, it's just stupid hormones."

Aang had a feeling that it was more then the lingering effects of postpartum hormones, but he had learned after Bumi that it was Katara's signal that she did not want to talk about it, so he pulled her in by the shoulder and pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her head, "five minutes and then it's just us, okay? No work, no bending, no stopping bad guys, just me and you."

"Okay," she nodded, her ocean-blue eyes still shiny with tears even as she tried to change her demeanor with a fake smile, "let's go see Toph."

The police station wasn't far from where they had wandered to after putting Appa in the care of the farmers who watched over the traveling animals while their owners toured Republic City.

However, when he held the door open for Katara before following closely behind her, he expected Toph to look up from her desk in the middle of the room and sense their presence, or to be met by one of the officers telling them that she was out on a case.

Aang did not expect to see Toph sitting in a chair in the middle of the room with a towel held to her forehead as a trickle of blood dripped down the right side of her face.

"Toph!" Katara shouted in shock, making Toph wince as her unseeing glance was tilted up at the ceiling.

"Hi to you too, Sugar Queen, Twinkletoes," she greeted, her voice strangled from the pain, "give me a minute and I'll get those reports to you."

"Are you- you're hurt, Toph," Aang sputtered as he walked over and set his hand on her bent knee, only growing more alarmed when she didn't shove him off with her free hand, "what happened?"

"Oh, the usual, ran off after a group of vandals, missed the curb and-" she cut herself to smack her hands together, only to grimace from both the noise and taking the towel off of her forehead which she promptly returned to the jagged gash.

"Did you get checked for a concussion?"

"It's not a concussion, Sweetness. All I did was eat shit in front of new recruits," Toph waved her free hand with dismissal, "since then, the new guys don't want to take their eyes off me or let me do my job, but I'm thinking about asking my councilman buddy if he can make some legislation about officers being barefoot because I cannot see jackshit in these stupid shoes."

Aang took a glance down at her metal boots, built just like the rest of her armor, before looking back up at her; before he could respond, however, Katara's water-skin was all but shoved into his palms.

"Toph, where are the reports?"

"Second drawer of my desk, left side, at the top. Can't miss them."

"I'll go get them. Aang here is gonna take care of that gash." Katara insisted with a wink of encouragement before disappearing into Toph's office and leaving him in disbelief with the water-skin as the lingering recruits filed off into their own areas of the building.

"Do you know what the hell you're doing, twinkletoes? And don't think that I don't remember the ambush and the comet."

Aang wanted to retort that in the years since the ambush, he had become a pro at healing Bumi's skinned knees, but he knew that it would only raise Toph's doubt and result in some very clever retorts, so he just responded with a simple, "yes, I know what I'm doing."

"I'll just wait until Katara gets back, if that's okay. Besides, it's funny to get all these new recruits to squirm," despite the pain lines around her mouth and what looked like tears in her eyes, her grin was wide enough that Aang felt comfortable slinging his wife's water-skin around his shoulder, "Kaito told me two of them passed out once they saw the blood."

"Glad to see you're in good spirits, at least," Aang couldn't help but smile, but there was a flicker of doubt across Toph's face that left him asking, "unless there's something that you want to tell-"

"I'm pregnant."

"Oh, well, congratulat-"

"The father isn't staying," Toph rubbed her eyes with her free hand and if she hadn't been crying before, she definitely was now, "and I don't know if me falling hurt the baby, not to mention it wouldn't have even happened if I wasn't wearing these spirts-damned shoes-"

"Hey, hey, Toph," Aang cut her off, moving his hand off of her knee to her shoulder, "Katara and I are here for you, okay? We'll help you figure it out."

"Help her figure out what?" Katara questioned as she approached with the stack of papers in hand, "and I thought you were gonna heal her."

"I need to talk to you, in my office, alone," Toph explained as she stood before Aang could open his mouth, "don't worry, Twinkletoes, I'm not gonna arrest her."

Aang passed off the water-skin and took a seat outside of the office with the crime reports in hand.

He wasn't sure how long he sat in the near-silent police station and while he was glad that the crime rate was low, he was also growing antsy in dreading anticipation no matter how much he tried to fall back on his meditation lessons he had received as a young boy.

But with one creak of the door opening, he found himself on his feet as Katara walked out while still talking to Toph.

"-really need to take it easy, though. I'll talk to Sokka about the shoes when we pick up the kids."

"I'll be more careful, but I won't promise to take it easy. I do have an entire city to keep in check," Toph insisted with a small, red line marking the place where the jagged gash had once been, "but thank you, for everything."

"Of course," Katara insisted, pulling her into a hug that Aang watched from a few steps away until his wife grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the group hug with a "come on, sweetie."

In the warmth of the group hug, Aang couldn't help but feel twelve years old for a few peaceful but brief seconds.

6. Bittersweet

It had been a very long day in Republic City.

He no longer found himself getting involved with the police force unless he was dropping in to grab the reports for Sokka to look over at the monthly meeting between the two of them and Zuko.

Zuko hardly showed up to them any more, growing much more reserved like he had been as a tenager after the recent passing of Iroh, but they still left a spot for him that was more often than not taken by Mai in his place with yet another apology for his absence.

This time, however, the three of them had gone over the reports to find something chilling encased neatly in between the vandals that always seemed to rise every time Toph put the last ones away as well as the growing tensions between benders and non-benders.

The name "Yakone" had come up many times over the years; a man who had deep ties to the criminal underworld of Republic City, but Toph had never been able to get together a rock-solid case against him; Aang knew that no matter how desperate she got to put Yakone away, that what he was reading had to be reality and in that reality, his stomach clenched.

"At least a dozen witnesses to his bloodbending?" With the way Sokka's voice cracked like a teenager as he read it aloud and his face adopted a grayish tone, Aang knew that his thought process was similar to his own, "but it's been outlawed for years. The last known practicer died a long time ago."

"Aang, I hate to ask you this, but is there any way that-"

"No," Aang cut Mai off, unable to hide the snap in his tone despite her obvious reason for asking, "Katara would never be involved with something like this."

He did not mention the nights during the first few years of their marriage where he woke up to her lurching out of sleep in a cold sweat with blood dripping from her nose; neither of them needed to know how much her experience with Hama still haunted her.

Mai had nodded and moved on, but Aang still thought about it through the rest of the meeting and on the way home; he knew that Toph would be bringing a new charge and with it, a new arrest against Yakone, but he also knew that there was still a chance it wouldn't stick.

But he didn't have to think about that tonight.

The biggest thing he had to worry about on the safety of Air Temple Island was if Tenzin had gotten so caught up in toddling behind Kya that he had received yet another black eye from hitting it against the dining room table.

That only made him opening the door to Bumi cackling as he swung the sword that Sokka had gifted him a few months before on his birthday while Kya threw small but impressive snowballs at him that much more shocking.

"What?" He started, instantly gaining Kya's, who dropped a puddle of water around her feet, and Bumi's, who lowered the sword with a look of surprise and guilt in his eyes, attention, "is going on in here?"

It did not surprise him when the eleven and five year old instantly pointed at the other one with a simultaneous shout of "he/she started it!"

"Okay," Aang sighed, taking a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose before redirecting his eyesight at his daughter first, "Kya, I want you to go get a couple of the towels and clean the water off of the floor," he waited until she walked to the laundry room before turning his attention on his eldest son, "Bumi, where are your mother and brother?"

"Mom's been really quiet since she got back from getting some groceries in the city, she's in her room and Tez is…he was just in here, I swear."

Aang took one look behind the large bookcase and was met with a bright set of gray eyes and two hands reaching up towards him in response.

"He's back here because swords and waterbending aren't exactly baby proof." He explained while reaching behind the bookcase to pull his youngest child out, who was thankfully unharmed in the latest show of sibling rivalry.

"Tenzin is nearly three, he's not a baby any more."

"Maybe not, but he was frightened enough to wedge himself between the wall and the bookcase."

"How do you know that he didn't do it because he was exploring?"

"Bumi, enough," Aang cut the back and forth before it grew out of hand, "you need to put that sword away in its case and when your mom is feeling up to it, all of us are going to have a long conversation about when to use our abilities, bending or not. Do you understand?"

"Yes, dad."

"Okay. Did you three get dinner?" He didn't know what kind of day Katara was having or what could have caused her sudden silence, but he could try and gauge it by if the kids had been fed before eight p.m.

"Mom made sea prune stew, but she let me help with the dumplings." Bumi's excitement, despite the trouble he was still very much in, was infectious and filled Aang with joy as he pictured the scene in his head, "did you want some, dad?"

"No, I'll find some food after I talk to your mom," Aang insisted, pressing a kiss to his head, "go get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay," Bumi agreed, hugging him with the sword free arm and he hugged back with the Tenzin free arm, "goodnight, dad."

"Goodnight, Bumi."

It didn't take long for Tenzin to get settled in the small bed next to Bumi's, eight was pushing it for his bedtime, and while Kya insisted that he read her two of her many, many books that covered her bedroom, she too was out like a light by the time he was halfway through the second one.

But now that all three of the kids were asleep, it left Aang with nothing to do but slowly make his way into their shared bedroom and get to the bottom of the tension that was filling the silence.

"Katara?" He whispered toward the lump in the bed with the blanket over their head, only getting a slight shift in response, "Katara, it's me."

"Aang?" No longer clouded by the shaking of sobs, but the crack in her voice made it clear that she had been in distress and he hadn't been here to hold her in his arms.

"Hey," he muttered, only seeing the reality of the situation when Katara lifted the blanket off of her head and met his gaze with red, puffy, watering eyes, "I'm so sorry, I should have been here-."

"It's not…" a shudder wracked her body as she sat up and pulled her knees to her chest which had Aang climbing on the bed and pulling her all too cold frame against his body, "it's not your fault."

"What happened?"

"Toph brought me in today."

"What?"

"She wanted to know how Yakone…Hama's been dead for years, so her next logical suspect was…but I swear, Aang, I didn't-"

"I know you didn't," Aang cut her off, pressing a kiss against the side of her head, "I know that you, who spent so many years getting it outlawed, would never do that."

"Thank you. For believing me."

"I would be a horrible husband if I didn't," Aang responded, getting a soft laugh as he interlaced his hand in Katara's, "I'm helping Toph bring him in tomorrow."

"Did she ask you to?"

"No, she doesn't even know I'm coming, but I need to make sure he ends up behind bars."

"You don't have to piss Toph off for me," Katara insisted, wiping her face on her wrist, "just knowing that she actually has enough evidence to get him put away is enough."

"Hey, I'm the Avatar, remember?" Aang questioned with a soft smile on his face, "I have to make the world safe and that includes my world." With that, he rested his hand on the back of her neck before gently pulling her in for a long, warm kiss.

At least, it would have been if he hadn't heard the small whimper of pain escape from her lips when his hand grazed her left shoulder so he could have a better hold on her.

"Your shoulder is hurting again?"

She had injured her left shoulder years ago while the two of them were in the Fire Nation to help with the birth of Zuko and Mai's daughter, Izumi, but she had ended up being one of the people holding off yet another assassin attempt that had resulted in her getting thrown against the wall.

Seeing her that injured had terrified Aang in a way that still haunted him even now, knowing that he could lose Katara to a few firebenders despite her own power and the very powerful people that she kept close.

Katara had delivered Izumi two days later and despite the joy filling the nations, the two of them didn't know that the injury to her left shoulder would result in a constant state of pain that varied in severity by the day.

"It's not that bad right now," she insisted, but Aang still got up and plucked her water-skin from the nightstand, "sweetie, we both know that doesn't work."

"It helps though," he pointed out, bending the water out of the water-skin and holding it over the permanently twisted nerves, feeling her slump in relief under his fingertips as he worked out the tension that would inevitably be back, "is that better?"

"Just…hold it there, for a bit longer."

"Whatever you say, Sifu Katara." That nickname always got her to smile, even on her bad days.

"I'm not sure you can still call me that," she said around her infectious grin, "you've been healing skinned knees for ten years now."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"I didn't say that."

Her shoulder was as relaxed as he could get it, so he bent the water away and back into the water-skin before climbing into their bed beside her, letting her rest her head against his arm.

"I'll call you whatever you want me to call you," Aang whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead as her eyes fluttered shut contently, "goodnight, sweetie."

He listened to her soft breaths in the darkness for a very long time that night as guilt clawed at his heart for never being able to take away her pain permanently, that her physical pain had limited her from using the majority of the training she had fought so hard to be included in back in the North Pole and that her mental anguish from being forced to manipulate his blood was still impacting her so negatively all these years later.

Aang could only hope that making sure that the last blood bender would remain behind bars for the rest of his life would bring just as much relief as the water had brought her that night; more importantly, he desperately hoped that Yakone's imprisonment would bring Katara permanent relief from the anxiety that was seemingly always holding her tightly in its grasp.

[frodo-with-glasses]

25 Questions with Phil Dragash: YES, SERIOUSLY!

So y'all know how I was reviewing Phil Dragash's audiobook of LotR last year, but kinda fell off somewhere in the middle of Rohan?? Well, guess what! A couple weeks ago, I received a tumblr message from the man himself, saying he'd read through all my reviews, had really enjoyed the little blast from the past, and was open to answering questions if I had any!

So of course, I had LOTS of questions.

The first one being: "Are you actually the real Phil Dragash??"

But I'm delighted to say that after exchanging emails with the work email listed on his website, I can confidently say that it is the real dude, and I've had a blast chatting with him! So for those of you who urged I listen to this audiobook—especially @laurelindorenan for her glowing recommendation—and for everyone else who likes the audiobook and/or enjoyed my reviews: I am delighted to present, ladies and gentlehobbits, this peek behind the curtain!

But of course I'm putting it all below the cut, because this man rambles like I do 🤣

Obligatory disclaimer: All opinions presented by Mr. Dragash are his own, I am not necessarily condoning any of them; please do not come after me for his opinions regarding pineapple on pizza.

25 QUESTIONS, LET'S GO!

1. Tell me how you got into Lord of the Rings!

I was ten years old when my dad took me to the library, and found a VHS copy of Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated Lord of the Rings film. I was already a fan of the “Chronicles of Narnia” and my dad just handed the tape to me and said “Look, C.S. Lewis’s friend made this”. I watched it, and had no idea what was going on. It was so hard to understand.

Fast forward to the year 2002 when “Fellowship” was out on DVD, and we had a movie night at my older cousin’s place, and watched the film for the first time. My 13 year old self was enraptured by it. Dad bought the DVD first thing the next day, and I’ve been a fan ever since! I, my brother, and our dad watched “Return of the King” in theaters four times, which was saying something, considering we only ever saw a movie once in cinemas. Between “The Return of the King” opening in December ‘03, I picked up the books and read (as well as I could) through them. A lot of friends kept joking “tell us how the damn story ends!”, good times.

2. When and how did you decide to make this audiobook? What’s the story behind the entire project? 

I was a very ambitious lad, and my first and biggest interest was filmmaking. I used to direct short films with my friends ever since my 11th birthday, and was the youngest in class at the filmschool I attended a few years later. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I had massive ambitions to direct “the Hobbit”, which is silly in retrospect considering I was 16 years old at the time. I even sent my portfolio and DVDs of my films to Peter Jackson’s manager (who actually got back to me with a wonderful response, despite not being able to accept my ‘completely reasonable’ offer) When I was heartbroken and torn to pieces knowing I wouldn’t be directing the movie, a few more years went by, and I decided to reread some chapters of the “Lord of the Rings” books. I remember really well that this was late at night, laying in bed, and going through “King of the Golden Hall” and seeing how close to the movies it was, but also far more expanded. I thought “my extensive home-made short movies experience with sound design and sound mixing could work here, and I could just read a few chapters and try to make the soundscape as realistic as possible. Why not try it?” 

So, the next day I tried. The first two chapters I tried were “King of the Golden Hall” and “A Journey in the Dark” (which partly answers your other question about that chapter). I was so absolutely surprised by how well it was going, that I decided to upload them onto YouTube in March 2010 I think. I got a fairly good response, and I was planning on doing a few more random chapters. I never intended to do the whole thing. But this one comment on YouTube I’ll always remember, it said: “I think you should go from start to finish, because you’ll probably get used to the characters and sounds and people can also follow along in the story gradually”.

Taking that suggestion to heart, in August 2010 I went from Chapter 1 onward. 

3. Were you inspired by any other audiobook versions of LotR (such as the BBC radio drama)?

I was not, I actually haven’t listened to the BBC Radio drama until far ahead into the project I was doing. I did some research on what other audio productions anyone did with LOTR, from The Mind’s Eye edition, to the ‘60s Hobbit Radio Play; so I felt pretty confident. I just fell in love with the way the films brought Middle-Earth to life and seeing their incredible dedication for authenticity (from the props department, to the music), you really couldn’t do any better than that visually or audibly - at least in my opinion. I just wanted to hear Tolkien’s text but with the realisation of the films. 

However, if you listen to Chapter 1 of TTT, and hear how Legolas laments their absence from not being there to help Boromir at Amon Hen, you can clearly hear the inflection from the BBC Radio play’s version. I just lifted that because I thought it was a fantastic way to deliver the line.

4. Did you have any rituals for “getting into character” before recording?

If I were to show you the raw unedited recording sessions, you’d probably be surprised at how underdeveloped it is! I had no real rituals or warmups, I just went for it. Usually went in cold, and tried reading the entire chapter and doing all the voices at once. Then I’d be exhausted, and afterwards start cutting all the mistakes, and separating each character into different tracks – and then re-recording 50%-70% of it, as I was laying in the sounds. 

I think any character just needs a few words for me to say in their voice, and that helps for the rest of their dialogue. For Aragorn it was usually: “You cannot wield it! None of us can.” for Pippin it was: “Sometimes”, just random things that make things ‘click’ in my head. If I got lost or didn’t feel like the performances were working, I’d simply just watch scenes from the films to hear the real actors again!

5. Who was your favorite character to voice? Who was your least favorite? And why?

People who know me, know I love doing the villains. Sauron, the orcs, the Nazgûl, etc. I just love the idea of personifying things that scare you. Something completely the opposite of who you are. Always a fun time! Any character I can nail extremely accurately always makes me happy, but I’m always very critical of my own work, so it’s a rare thing.

My least favorite characters to voice are: Imrahil, Denethor, Arwen, Celeborn, Galadriel, Erestor, Lindir, Haldir, Goldberry, Gildor… I think the pattern is pretty obvious if you realize that I am incapable of providing a satisfactory voice that feels unique enough. They just sound to me like “I wish I had a broader range. They weren’t done justice.” I have feelings for most of the characters in this situation, but I’m a mere mortal. I can’t do all of them as well as I wish I could. I wish Aragorn was more like Viggo Mortensen’s voice (I tried with the nasally yells you mentioned!), I wish Gandalf had a richer tone, I wish Saruman sounded more majestic, and I wish Frodo was - in retrospect- more older sounding, too. There’s so much I wish I could do better, but to hell with it, I tried.

Fun fact: my least-favorite to voice are also Orcs because they destroy my throat after a while. Which is ironic, because of my first statement.

6. I noticed that you gave the men of Rohan and Gondor slightly different dialects! Are you pulling from any real-world accents to make that happen?

I did try to listen to Anglo-Saxon, and ancient norse but I just tried to make Rohan and Gondor slightly distinct in any way I could. I never really tried to make things too obvious, but admittedly, I think I just used my intuition (smoothing the R’s for the Rohirrim, making the Gondorians more ‘proper’, etc.). I do want to emphasize that this was a one-person project and keeping things together or consistent is definitely an extraneous exercise when you’re just trying to get something finished by yourself! 

7. Some characters (like Beregond and Quickbeam, to name a couple of my favorites) aren’t in the movies, so they don’t have an actor for you to imitate. How did you decide what they would sound like?

Well, in the case of Beregond, I realized he was just “your ordinary guy”, and seeing Minas Tirith through his eyes (and Pippin’s)  is such an amazing and interesting opportunity. It made the city feel so real, and I wanted to take advantage of that. I think I started with a ‘generic’ voice, but when I re-recorded him knowing more and more of the context and what he was saying to Pippin, and as a result who he is, made me adjust what I felt were more his personality. But still that ‘ordinary guy’ idea was the bedrock, and it’s been years since I heard that chapter, but I hope it holds up! (I just remembered Bergil is in that too, another voice I wish I could have done better) 

Another fun fact: when Pippin scares the kids in Minas Tirith, the audio was from something I videotaped when I was 10 years old with my friends, it had the perfect “kids-going-aaah!” sound.

If I had it my way, I’d have a cast of dozens in this Audiobook, so a lot of times I never felt like my voice was enough to truly capture the “We’re in Middle-Earth, we just have microphones to record it” idea. So I have to make compromises since I was the only one doing the voices. That being said, Quickbeam was a fun surprise because he felt like, as you said “young treebeard”, and these things just worked out through experimentation! I think Quickbeam turned out pretty nice. I like Quickbeam.

8. HOW—I ask with great enthusiasm—DID YOU DO TREEBEARD’S VOICE? How did you get that resonance and woody sound? Did you send your voice through a wooden box and re-record it on the other side like they did in the movies?

It’s really great that you know all the behind the scenes stories from the films! Especially what Ethan Van der Ryn, David Farmer, and the late Michael Hopkins have done with their incredible creativity. I had no such resources to produce Treebeard’s sound. What I did was a digital facsimile: a special ‘room’ reverb, with some other equalizing effects to boost the bass and (maybe, I can’t remember) another higher pitched track of the same voice faintly in there. 

You won’t believe this, but I was not going to do The Two Towers audiobook unless I could do a good Treebeard voice. In 2011 after finishing “Fellowship”, I was on the fence about continuing, and only committed once I knew I could do Treebeard right. Treebeard was the key to all this. This should come to no surprise to the ones who played the game, but I used a lot of sound effects from ‘Battle for Middle-Earth’ which contained a lot of clean sounds for ents, trolls, the balrog, the ringwraiths, and other monsters from the films. I used the ent’s footsteps from the games, and recorded my own foley for some of the trees snapping and leaves rustling as well. The “fart” sounds were the low creaking of tree branches, and - as they stated in the making-of for the films - very pitched down cow moos. 

9. Tell me about the foley work! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been that nerd who watched the Behind The Scenes featurettes for fun, so I’m very interested to hear how you made the sound effects for footsteps and whistling arrows and jangling horse harnesses and such. 

I’m glad you are! I’ve collected sound libraries (ripped from video games, and finding and buying sound packs) for a literal decade, because I always needed sounds for the short films I made when I was younger. I just kept learning about how to mix sounds together, and it’s very creative and very enjoyable! That being said, the foley work itself is mostly recorded by me. If I can’t find a sound in the library I have, I will record it. Clothing rustles, and touch are all recorded while I listen to the audiobook playback and ‘perform’ each character. It’s a really arduous process, but I think it adds so much life into the sound. 

I went out into the woods (or backyard) with my mic to record footsteps, sometimes I would listen to the audiobook with headphones while performing the footsteps. When I would have traveled somewhere with different terrain I would be sure to record more foley (rocks being moved, or pebbles being stepped on) knowing I’ll use it for certain chapters. I do not want to reveal a huge secret about the predominant foley for the character's clothes, but an old backpack I used were 90% of the characters’ ‘movements’. Some wingflaps of the fell beasts were just my jeans. It’s a really creative process trying to find things that ‘sound’ right for an environment or action. The magic is putting them all together and hearing the result. Also, yes Sam’s pan is my grandma’s frying pan, and I know it’s sometimes annoying, but - look - Sam has a lot of stuff to carry.

I start with the background sounds (wind, tree rustles, water if there is any, etc.) lots of layers of them just to make them sound unique and not the same. Then I move to selective and nearer environmental background sounds. Then, the ‘hero’ sounds, the effects that are integral to the story (if it’s sword clashes, or an explosion, or who knows what), and finally the foley (footsteps, clothing rustles, breaths, etc.) - I had a friend record her own horses breathing and moving for a lot of closeups of the horses in the audiobooks. I think even if you can’t really hear some of their low breaths, their presence is still ‘there’. I personally think I got a lot better by the end of LOTR than when I started! 

I wanted to add, the sounds for little Elanor in the very last scene of “The Return of the King” (the baby sounds), I was not happy with the stock baby sounds I had, and asked my older cousin (an audio person too!) to send me recordings he made of his then-1-year-old daughter in a studio. So, my first-cousin-once-removed is Elanor! She’s 22 now. I feel old.

10. Do you have a favorite sound effect from this project? Mine is the “pat-pat” against cloth that’s used to denote a hug.

Absolutely, do you remember the two “watchers” before the tower of Cirith Ungol? The vulture-like statues that block the hobbit’s path out? The alarm sound is a wholly original sound design I did, and I’m really happy with it. It’s just ugly sounding, and that’s the point. I always wished I had more Nazgul, and I think the worst moments I had with mixing were the battle scenes. There’s just too much to handle and make it sound good. But I really tried.

I’m very glad you heard the ‘pat-pat’s. I try my best to perform every character when recording foley, and want even some of the sounds to convey something in the telling of the story.

11. What's the thought process behind your use of the various musical motifs from Howard Shore's score? (Read: Why do you use the Shire theme so often, and why does it get me in the heart every single time?)

I want everyone to know that this is a really important and valuable question, and one I never really get to talk about: To me, Howard Shore’s music is one of the very best things to come out of the films. He truly made an opera out of the story, and all his leitmotifs and orchestrations are a stroke of genius. They work on their own, and when reading the books as well, and as a nerd for films and all that stuff, I wanted to put a lot of care into how I’m placing the score, and for what scene, emotionally and leitmotivically, if that’s a word.

The Audiobook I did is obviously a ‘standing on the shoulders of giants’ situation, so I can’t credit myself for the majority of the Audiobook I did, but I wanted to use all my filmmaking intuition to properly use the music to enhance the telling of the story. So, just like the filmmakers had to change and mix lines from the book, or make changes to make it work as a film, I felt like a lot of instances happened with the music for the audiobook. Obviously, I used the score when applicable to the intended scenes, but there are very often cases where they won’t work. I read as much as I could in the past about what the motifs were and where Shore used them in the movies, so I followed that trajectory for the most part. Gondor is Gondor, Rohan is Rohan, Mordor is Mordor, etc. 

Changes happen when I feel the emotions for a scene in the books do not match up to the ones in the films, and then there are brand new scenes and characters not in the movies at all, that I have to figure out! Take the pause from music between Gandalf falling into the chasm with the Balrog, and the fellowship successfully escaping. It’s perfect in the film, but I knew I couldn’t put the lamenting heartbreaking music in there yet, since the descriptions all drive the idea that escape is paramount. So I treated it as a ‘shock’ moment. No music until they’re completely out of the mountain, then the grief comes in. Things like that, a lot of fun creative thinking to get those emotions working!

I recall you mentioning the ‘Gimli / Legolas drinking game’ statement and how I used the hell out of it throughout the Audiobook, which is a good example. I pitched it up and down, for different moments, and it just has that hobbit mundane and jolly quality to it. So, in it goes to fill moments from the books. 

I also edited and modified existing motifs for completely different scenes and ideas. One of my favorites is when Treebeard talks about the Entwives. I needed this melancholy yearning sound that was really essential, and found it by reversing Eowyn’s theme, and pitching it down so the violin sounds like a cello/bass. To me it just felt extremely appropriate for the sound of a long-lost relationship while portraying a larger-than-life creature. 

Let’s also say Bombadil. I made up the idea that the last statement in the credits for “Return of the King”, was Bombadil’s theme. It’s actually just a reference to Der Ring des Nibelungen by Wagner, a very verbose beautiful crescendo, but I thought “I’ll pretend like it’s Bombadil, he’s last in the score even though he’s the first in Arda”. So I used that musical progression in his songs, that’s his leitmotif now (to me, anyway) He sings in that wavy up-and-down melody. Which is why you hear a lot of that in those chapters.

I also try to use recordings not from the original score: I looked far and wide for alternative recordings, predominantly the album by the Royal Prague Philharmonic, and the “LOTR Symphony”, just to make the Audiobooks feel different. I pitched down and moved and reassembled a lot of different cues for different scenes as well.

There are not a lot of instances of music from other movies, however, they do exist! I used music from “Battle for Middle-Earth”, the game “War in the North”, and for the last few chapters, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” since it just came out at the time. I used a lot of music from Howard Shore’s “Seven” and “The Game” during Shelob (I think), and for the Barrow-Downs. I used a tiny bit of underscore from the brilliant Don Davis’s “The Matrix Reloaded”, it had a really eerie choir which made me feel like it would be perfect for the fatigue and dizzying unreality of Mordor when Sam and Frodo were on their last leg, trying to get to Mt. Doom. Lastly, I used a little bit of music from Howard Shore’s “Twilight: Eclipse” for some dialogue scenes during Return of the King! And music from the independent film “Mongol” by Tuomas Kantelinen for the Woses when Theoden has to get help from Ghan-Buri-Ghan. Also the ending of ROTK has a few cues from “The Lord of the Rings musical”, lovely stuff.

It may surprise you that there is a small amount of score I actually ‘wrote’ with help from my brother (he’s a musician). It’s in the coronation of Elessar. It’s not very good but I needed something. There is also a cello version of “to the edge of night”, which I kindly asked permission to use by YouTube celloist, but I sadly don't think that video is up anymore.

Lastly, I use the Shire music so much because - just like Howard Shore said - it becomes a ‘hymn’ or an ‘anthem’ for the hobbits as they leave their comforts behind and are in a wide and unfamiliar world. Every little bit that reminds them of home, or relates to each of them, usually deserves a little ‘shire’ statement here and there. I feel if it’s in the characters’ hearts and minds, it has to be expressed in the music!

12. Out of all the chapters I’ve listened to so far on the Internet Archive, “A Journey in the Dark” is the one most plagued with editing issues; Sam’s temper tantrum over leaving Bill the Pony is cut out entirely. Which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to hearing your take on that. (Is it strange to say that I wanted to hear you break down into blubbering tears? Probably. Let’s ignore that and move on.) Is there any chance that you have a cleaner edit of that chapter somewhere?

I think you’ll be very unsurprised to know that “A Journey in the Dark” is the first chapter I ever recorded. I think you’ll also need to know that I did FOTR when I was 21 years old, and my grasp on doing better sound mixing or even getting the characters right was still a work in progress. I learned so much going chapter-by-chapter and felt that each succeeding one improves from the former. As a demo-run, I did “King of the Golden Hall '' and “Journey in the Dark” in early 2010 (in fact, I did only the first half of “JITD” back then. Stopping right after they are barred inside the mines, as the Watcher destroys the gate. I did the second half once I caught up with the story going chapter-by-chapter.)

There are so many issues with it, and I haven’t listened to it since. If you have headphones you’ll also notice that none of the voices really pan from left to right, or feel like they’re ever anywhere else except the dead-center. I was lazy back then. 

When I read the chapters, at the time, I was sharing an ‘office room’ with my younger brother, and as a teenaged younger brother does - continues strumming his guitar no matter what the other brother is doing. It was really fun, and funny and I was extremely sloppy with editing things out, and taking it too seriously. So, for sure you can hear ‘someone’ in the background during the early parts of FOTR, and I was too lazy to re-record or edit out the noises that weren’t supposed to be there.

Forgive me if this part is a lot longer, but now that you mention it, I want to get on my soap-box and rant about how many things I agree with about the Audiobook’s shortcomings and how many things have changed since the wee days of 2010: 

I didn’t really get a grasp on the characters, and I had no idea I was going to do the entire book. I did not take enough care with sound mixing (it’s a highly technical and rigorous practice, I’ve discovered. Even now, ten plus years later - it’s too technical for me to fully understand yet), and I did not thoroughly re-listen to the chapter when I was done with an edit or a sound-effects pass. Therefore there’s always been mistakes still in there, and just unpleasantly careless placement of sounds and music. I have often thought about re-recording it to get it up to scratch, but it’s been over a decade and I haven’t properly preserved all the sound stems without having to re-sound-mix the whole chapter again, and there is that little thing called ‘burnout’ which is hard to ignore. So, I apologize to everyone who has to suffer through that huge drop in quality with “A Journey in the Dark”. It quite literally was my first attempt, and it definitely shows. 

The good news is that a fan asked me the same thing about the missing piece in that chapter (the one you mentioned! With Sam and Bill!), and I’ve heard the same comments about it throughout the years. Why is it missing? I don’t know why! I recorded it, but in my loose run-and-gun past when I was a wee lad, I was careless, and just had the mp3 with that part missing. A rendering error, perhaps! Stupid 21 year old Phil just hodgepoging everything.

A Few months ago, I did get another email about that missing piece. I thought “okay, once and for all, I’m going to find that missing part.” - and I searched my old harddrives for some kind of archival copy with that part in it. Amazingly, it was a lot harder to find than I thought. Every rendered version of JITD either stopped right before that scene, or had it omitted. I actually found one half of it as a ‘demo’ piece I rendered years ago for a ‘sound trailer’, and then I finally found the original YouTube video I made - which had it intact! Now the hardest part was stitching it together with the rest. Took longer than I thought, but I finally amended this horrible incompetence. And yes, I will share the link to you! And be prepared to be disappointed at the 2010-era quality!

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but with the mp3s circling around, I have taken the liberty of re-recording and re-working some chapters from their original versions. I try my best to preserve the originals, but I also wish people to listen to the re-records. I have actually re-recorded and re-mastered “A Long-Expected Party” three times. 2011, 2013, and 2014. I re-recorded “King of the Golden Hall” in 2013, and “Shadow of the Past” in 2014. I usually try labelling the dates on the mp3 files themselves. The one I’m most proud of re-recording bits of, is “The Pyre of Denethor” as the first time I had Denethor say his last words he was mildly raising his voice, but I listened to it again one day and went “this man should be at the edge of sanity.” - so he absolutely yells now, and it’s such a night-and-day comparison.

Another addendum: I completely understand the complaints about ‘the sound/music drowning out the dialogue’. It’s been the #1 complaint over the decade. I completely understand. I never had professional sound mixing gear, nor did I have proper mixing headphones or speakers or a proper studio (most of the audiobook was recorded at my grandmother’s house!). The balance of the audio making it sound immersive, (like you are there!) and having clear dialogue to hear is - like I said - an extremely technical and complex process that I’ve never had the ability or tech to master. Let alone for a book that’s 48 hours long, and has so much sound and music to it. Nothing would bring me more joy than to work with an experienced sound mixer, and find all my audio stems, and for us to work together to clear up any and all issues. But as this project was a simple fan-made work, and I haven’t distributed it myself for a decade, who knows?

This is also why I never went on to do “The Hobbit”. Burnout is real, and I’ve never recovered from LOTR. The burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

13. What was your favorite scene to record and mix?

Mount Doom. Can’t get better than trying to make the climax as horrible and eucatastrophic as that. It all led up to this, and it was such a rush to work on. I remember how I was at the edge of my seat watching ROTK in cinemas for the first time, and how amazingly they pulled it off, and I wanted to definitely imitate that, but using Tolkien’s own writing. Just so cool.

I have two favorite chapters: The first one is “The Scouring of the Shire”. I remember well, when I was working on it, I realized this has never been ‘dramatized’ before. At least not in full. I felt so special being the first one (probably) to do it. I could imagine the entire chapter in my head like a film, and I could bring it to life with very little outside influence. Such a poignant and shocking chapter. 

I don’t think I would have done it as well without the experience I gained doing the rest of the Audiobook. Showing the strength of the four hobbits, portraying the dignity and resolve of their kind, giving that pathetic yet dangerous authenticity to Sharkey, and the ruffians, illustrating the battle of bywater with sound… this was done in 2013, so we all were able to listen to new music by Howard Shore (for The Hobbit), and I would be able to transpose motifs from that, into “Scouring”, and honestly I wouldn’t know how it would have worked out if the Hobbit films didn’t come out just at the right time. I think the score fits so well with the events of “Scouring”, there is a ‘mordor’ theme but it feels ‘unfinished’, like the remnant of an old defeated foe; there’s that wily progression for Radagast in the films, that I used for the hobbit’s rebellion and the conflict, and there’s a new ‘hobbit/shire’ motif that worked so perfectly for a ‘wounded, but recovering’ Shire. I feel so silly talking about decisions I made for this, but I always wanted to share some thoughts I had! 

Fun fact: I had a wonderful person ask if she would be able to play Rosie Cotton back in 2013, and I asked her to perform her lines. She was great, but I realized a very strange thing: when I put her in the audio mix, it would actually break the immersion, because you can hear a voice that wasn’t mine, and as a result - I couldn’t help but keep thinking - my voice for Rosie’s mother sounded like a Monty Python skit in comparison! And thus her lines had to be unused. It kind of just opened the fourth wall, breaking the illusion. Which is a shame, because I always dream of having a fully-cast LOTR Audiobook, maybe someday officially.

The other favorite is “The Tower of Cirith Ungol” just because I listened to it one day in 2014, and heard no errors. I was so proud. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to change substantially. No one dislikes all the errors more than I do!

14. What’s your best memory from this entire project?

My late dad drove me and my brother out into a clearing at midnight in the forest. The sky was so clear and starry. And we were here simply to just yell at the top of our lungs to record material for “Helm’s Deep”. All the clear yells: “Elendil!!!” “Gúthwinë! Gúthwinë For the Mark!”etc. Etc. - I lost my voice, it was a fun time. He held the microphone for me as I splashed around a stream (for Gollum), once again at midnight since there were fewer background sounds.

I also tell this story a lot: A friend of mine who was listening to the chapters as I finished them - she hated the sound of knuckles cracking. And hated spiders. So, obviously, Shelob would have to have knuckle-cracking sounds for her limbs. So I recorded my own knuckles cracking and tried using it as much as I could for Shelob’s legs moving about. My friend was soooo ecstatic to know this fact.

15. If you could do it all again today, what would you change?

I would consider doing a ground-up re-recording of everything. With a budget, with a cast, with a lot more understanding of the story and intentions behind them. With VR sound options. With extra original music. That’s the dream. 

If we’re back to reality, I guess I’d just re-record a bunch of chapters since they could always be better, and tighten all the technical errors. But that would require a lot of assembling of the raw archived files, and re-building of sounds, and re-recording of lines. Also, as I stated before, I do not want to distribute my unofficial fan work just because I know that it’s a copyright nightmare. And burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

I like taking other people’s opinions to heart, such as the issues with Frodo’s youth or inflections and intonations for certain scenes that I didn’t quite fully grasp the first time. I would love to adjust things and make it closer to the book now.

- - - - -

And now! The Silly Questions Lightning Round!

(With thoughts from Lady Glasses in parentheses and italics!)

1. In Fellowship, long stretches of dialogue would often have someone randomly cough in the background. Tell me about the Cough. Why is the Cough there?

No one hates the coughs more than me. That’s either my brother minding his own business in the other end of our ‘office room’. I think you now know I was 21, I didn’t care, so these things are just left in because I was careless. However, sometimes there are intentional coughs to make it feel more realistic. It’s been years since I listened to it, so unless I somehow do a massive commentary stream someday (thinking about it), your guess will be as good as mine! The coughs heavily subsided once I did Two Towers, since I was by myself.

2. During the dinner scene with Farmer Cotton, someone burps. Who was that?

Mine. I have no regrets with that one. Or Pippin. I guess it could be Pippin.

(Darn! And here I thought it was Farmer Cotton, LOL)

3. How did you manage to make Bill Ferny’s voice so perfectly obnoxious?

I imagined Bill as an obnoxious guy. The image in my head gives me a good idea of what he’d sound like, and I’m so glad he’s so obnoxious that you had to mention it.

(He sounds perfectly punchable. Thanks, I hate it.)

4. Did you crack yourself up at any point in the recording?

Oh yes, in fact I have a whole outtake reel just for you!

(Warning to anyone who clicks the link: the April Fool's audio had me ON THE FLOOR)

5. Voice acting aside, who is your favorite character in LotR and why?

If you asked me in 2002 it would be the Balrog, if you asked me now it would be difficult because so many of them mean so much to me, and each of their aspects have something to aspire to. Gandalf, Aragorn, Sam, Frodo, Galadriel, the list goes on and on.

(That's beautiful, and so true. The story really grows with us, doesn't it?)

6. What’s your favorite color?

Blue. Always has been.

(Blue is a good color! 💙)

7. Political question: Pineapples on pizza, yes or no?

Yes, I still don’t get what the fuss is about

(Oooh, controversial)

8. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

No, it’s a hotdog!

(Counterpoint: A hotdog is a taco.)

9. What’s your opinion on geese?

They’re racist

(Racist against the entire human race, apparently)

10. How much would I have to pay you to say “I love boats!” in Merry’s voice? (It’s an inside joke with my friends.)

Nothing, it’s on the house!

(HOLY CRAP I LOVE YOU)

- - - - -

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us! What are you working on nowadays?

I’ve actually had a few people ask me if I’ll ever do more audiobooks like this, and I seem to have tapped something. Yes, in fact! I’m working with a few creative collaborators on a small company to do the exact same sonic experience with other books! Since we’re very small, we are starting with stories in the Public Domain, and have successfully kickstarted (and finished) “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. Which will be out (hopefully, officially) by early September! I’m really excited and hope this will lead to more projects, and - hopefully- back to Tolkien someday, in an official manner. Please follow my Instagram or Facebook for more info about it. (I also have a Twitter and Tumblr and more, but they’re all completely unrelated to LOTR and are just me drawing doodles and being a nerd, very unlike the Audiobooks I did, which is a bit confusing, I admit.)

- - - - -

And that concludes our interview! As I told Phil, it was so much fun to discuss a fellow fan's passion project like this. The more I read about it, the more I realized just how similar it was to my own experiences as a fan creator. We all start out as just a noob with a few unpolished skills, making something because we love it, and we learn and grow and hone our talents along the way. It's legitimately inspiring.

Needless to say, I am stoked to finish listening to the rest of this audiobook! Is it a bit weird knowing the creator of the thing might drop in and read my reviews?? Yes. Yes it is. But I'm gonna do it anyway. No holds barred! If I hear another cough, you're gonna know about it, Phil!

Also I may or may not do something with that audio of Merry because I'M STILL DYING OF LAUGHTER HELP

Anyway! If you made it to the end of this, you deserve a cookie! Everybody say thank you to Mr. Dragash, and go check out the other stuff he's doing nowadays! Namárië!

[melodygatesauthor]

Melody

Since I've had a rough week, can I ask for some fluff to warm my heart and calm my mind?

Marc Spector + 23 “Thank you for choosing me”, please💕

And happy upcoming birthday again!🌷

The Agreement

Marc Spector X gn!Reader

Anna this is so sweet. I'm sorry that it took me so long to get this out but I hope your week got better even without this drabble 💙 Soft Marc is such a baby boi. - I also didn't get the chance to use the prompt itself in the fic, but it has the overall vibe of that line so hope you like it! Hahaha.

Tags/Warnings: SFW, comfort fic, soft Marc, fluff, just a nice little drabble to make you smile, might hit you in the feels, mentions of sex but no actual sex.

Word Count: 532

You’d had a rough day, that much was apparent when you walked through the door. Marc froze, he knew that look. It meant one of two things. You either needed Steven to comfort you and watch your favorite movies, or you needed Jake to fuck you until your brain was mush. Either way, Marc wasn’t your go to guy.

His brow furrowed as you waved and said, hey, and made your way to the kitchen. He’d been looking forward to seeing you, and spending the evening with you, but when you were upset, he knew he wasn’t the one you needed.

Like riding a bike, the boys all fell into place, Steven fronting, Marc in the headspace where he would stay for the evening, and Jake waiting for his moment if you needed him instead of Steven.

You knew it was Steven when he came over behind you and kissed your cheek. You turned around and he was smiling at you, but you sensed something burning just under the surface. His eyebrows always gave him away.

“What?” You asked, brushing a stray curl from his forehead. “This is Marc’s coat, did he front today?”

“He was fronting, yeah, but then he saw you were having a rough day so…here I am.” Steven let out a nervous chuckle and leaned in for a kiss.

You put a finger up, stopping him, “I’m sorry, what happened?”

“Oh well…”

Pendejo, this is something we just do, we don’t need to tell them about it. Jake said in a gruff tone that made Steven nervous.

“Do you guys have some sort of agreement? Steven?” He would always be honest with you.

“No.” He pressed his lips together tightly.

“Steven Grant, don’t you start lying to me now.”

He changed, his expression went from sorry to a harsh scowl. Marc.

“You don’t expect us to think that we don’t have you pinned after a bad day, right? You have a bad day, Steven comforts you, Jake gives you what you need…physically. You don’t need me.” He crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“Marc.” You put a hand on his arm. “You’re being stupid.”

“Thanks.” He rolled his eyes and looked away from you.

“No I mean…Marc…” you touched his cheek and brought his gaze back to yours. “Yes it’s nice what they do for me, but I need you too. I was always wondering why I don’t have you there to rant about idiots with when I’m mad or someone to laugh with me when I bitch about my shitty boss.”

He shook his head in confusion, “you like complaining?”

You laughed, “yeah sometimes! It’s nice to have someone to talk shit with. The other two are great but, I don’t get to vent the way I do with you. Steven just tells me it will be alright and makes me tea and watches tv with me and Jake just…well you know.” You gave him a reassuring smile. “Those things are both really great, but sometimes I just need something else.”

“So…you do need me? Even when you’ve had a bad day?” He raised an eyebrow before finally lowering his arms. “Sometimes I especially need you.”

Celebration Masterlist