#also i'm fucken spent

[strigital]

uwu

[loesyff]

warning for grumpiness in the tags

[binnie]

[mor-and-more]

A sudden Original Universe post for no fucking reason amidst the general FF madness but

I was reading a post full of anger at Fantasy Geography That Doesn't Make Sense, and ucychxyvyc

It's definitely a problem that's present in the worlds of the Sphere

Because Creators are responsible for making the worlds

And not all of them are good at it

And only one or two of those had the good sense to concentrate on living creatures only

But for those who went ahead with creating world's, there's a reason why their worlds fucken DIE after the Creators are spent, the Keepers of Chaos/Darkness dissipate and the flow of divine power making these shitshows appear normal, ceases

This is how the Khrum home world (where they were dropped by their Only Good At Creatures And Knew It Creator) is now half hot and sandy desert, half glacial desert with a belt of mountains in the middle, where only feral dragons could survive, out of all the original population. This poor world got tidal locked to its own fucken star, and there are so many magic devices involved in making it appear that Stuahr has a fucken night. Everything just went to shit the moment equilibrium got out of wack with the Creator's disappearance

Yes they are there, yes they are the reason big complicated shit exists, yes they are in a constant cycle of birth-active creation-death and return to the pool of power. But sometimes they are just BAD at it

The need to create is purely instinctual

As well as the knowledge of what components are needed for the worlds' smooth operation - there's zero need for conscious effort

And those who can't actually make worlds for shit, just slap something together, smother it in Pretend You Are Normal duct tape equivalent, and gleefully get straight to what they care about - Creature Time!

And then there are the opposites: Creator who care deeply about the WORLDS' wellbeing. They are the ones caring about the tectonics, planet's axis angle and rotation speed, optimal distances to stars and satellites, the way geography works and how the world's natural resources sustain themselves... And as a result, even after the Creator's death, after a short period of natural disasters caused by unbalanced powers, the natural equilibrium gets restored and the worlds go on existing and providing for their inhabitants. And it's one of such worlds where El's people were dropped! Because unlike the Survival Machines that are the Khrum, the Sky People are regular ass elves who are soft and squishy in nature and require comfortable environment

[bl00dlight]

Question for the Culture...

Some thoughts on s2, Aemond needing mothers milk, alicole pussy rubbing, the Greens writing & characterisation.

After some consideration, I think the reason way the brothel scene is so jarring is because we've spent so little time with Aemond as a character, and S1 purposefully set up this very real mystique around him - espeically regarding duty, having disdain for Aegon's depravity (and literally being above it himself?) Etc, that we didn't get to see the process of what actually led Aemond there as a character. I actually do think it's because we are getting so few episodes that they are bypassing the very needed character progression that Aemond 10000% needs. It feels out of character because the show has set up a character which was exceedingly adverse to that behaviour. And you can feel the shift in his character, this season. To me he feels completely different, which shouldn't be the case just yet since like... Luke supposedly died only two weeks prior to the start of the season. We didn't get to see his progression into going from Alicent's #1 ride or die, to being her biggest hater? Nor did we see his progression into why he was even at the brothel? The leaks spoke about Aegon taking him to Cock Inn during B&C and well, we know that was the case because the Madam mentioned that. But? Why would they not show us that? Why would they not show us Aemond's progression into making that decision in the first place and the after effects leading him to returning back there? I think the scene was within his characterisation but like... not out of the blue. It felt like something we needed to see unfold. Because also, now all of his mystique is shattered. Like those are such STRONG choices to make him a milk drinking, fetal position, mummy's milkers ass bitch straight off the bat. Like??? Considering that two weeks ago he was like "Bro I am so much better than Aegon. I don't do that depravity shit. I'm dutiful, I should be King cause my brother is fucken gross and weak." Well? Okay... now Aemond is objectively grosser and weaker. Which was likely always the case, but it's something that should have been developed and revealed with time? They inadvertently destroyed the idea of his "mask" and his character being a massive antagonistic force that parallels Daemon. Because we've spent 10x more screen time with Daemon and we know underneath he is also fragile and vulnerable. We know that his dependence on Rhaneyra is significantly more complicated than it being about ambition. But it's not shown yet, he still actively is maintaining this incredibly antagonistic mask that makes him more elusive to the audience. We don't truly know his true intentions, his true vulnerabilities yet. So his actions come across as significantly more threatening, for all we know he could truly just be that malevolent while at the same time - we have seen glimpses which prove otherwise, that he is vulnerable and does desire love, comfort etc. But we don't quite know what that vulnerability truly is yet.

But with Aemond it's fucking beyond on the nose having him laying in an older woman's lap, drinking MILK and having his head patted while being cooed upon. Like okay so now we know exactly what the fuck is wrong with him. And he loses all complexity (currently) because we've not been shown the progression of this drastically opposing character choice. We've gone from a dude who was licking his lips at the sight of Daemon slicing and dicing Vaemond, who was posting up to his kid nephews and literally denouncing Aegon for his sexual depravity - to homeboy needing mummy's milk straight off the back, no inner conflict shown. It would've been nice to SEE him actually struggle with this level of vulnerability. It would've been nice to see his character unravel to the point where that scene didn't feel like I've just skipped several episodes of characterisation. And yall can say what you want, but I am right on this. It would've been far more compelling for them to keep his mystique for longer, to keep that vulnerability of his hidden and watch him struggle with it. Because now I know exactly what the fuck he is thinking, exactly what is wrong with him. There is no ambiguity left in his motivations nor whether or not his whole black leather edgy boy thing is a mask. Because now we know it's a mask, so all of his choices don't feel as.... threatening? They feel more like an angry teenage boy who needs a hug. Which is totally fine, but it's more intriguing if it weren't so explicitly shown to us that's what he is. I'd rather that be woven into his character and his of mask edgelord666 not be so suddenly stripped from him? Because now I know he isn't a raging psychopath, now I he isn't driven by his chaos. With Daemon, he still gives the impression he genuinely might be unredeemable. And that should be the case with Aemond.

And while we are here, I fucken hated the line of the brothel Madame reminding him of the smallfolk.

1) What authority does she hold over him to essential give him council or reprimand him on his behaviour. Why does she have the confidence to council him in the first place given she is in a position of vulnerability. That's the paradox, he could absolutely have her killed or hurt her and face zero consequences. So what gives her the security in knowing he wouldn't respond negatively to being counciled on the political repercussions of his behaviour? Why have they not SHOWED US their dynamic? Because I'm going into this knowing Aemond is about to commit mass genocide against the smallfolk? So unless that comment was just a throwaway liner to set that up, why would she feel compelled to be direct in that way? Why would Aemond a man who actively does not give a SHITTTTT about the lives of those below him, let a brothel Madame get away with saying that? And since he did let it slide, WHY???? Show us WHYYYY he would accept that advice?

2) If that line was used as a recalling to Aemond potentially feeling regret for the choices he is about to make, then just cut the cameras. Cause I think that would be an absolute waste of his characterisation. Everyone already feels bad about the smallfolk. They are really hammering it home. Even Otto gives a shit about them. The last person I want to see care is Aemond. Because it just doesn't make sense, why the fuck would he care? He has no reason to care given the role he plays in the war.

I want to use Cersei Lannister as a point that you don't need to implement a sense of societal empathy for your antagonist to have softness within them. Cersei is like number 1 bad bitch, doesn't give a fuck, is a number 1 hater and will straight up blow a bitch UP. But we see glimmers of softness with her children, with Jamie and even Margaery. And I think that just makes her so much more intriguing because we know something else resides within her other than malevolence but we the audience have to watch her go through the motions of it.

So far I've seen Aemond go through ZERO motions and I've seen the writers play their cards already. I hope I'm wrong. But we have 6 episodes left of s2. And so far, I've learnt so little about him as a character, while also knowing exactly what his core wound is.

I'm a tad worried for s2, and I'm a tad worried that the short season lengths are forcing the writers to speed up the way they allowed these characters to develop. There have been some incredibly strong ass moments, like Otto being THAT bitch and telling Aegon what's good. That was unbelievably incredible. Literally the entire scene between Daemon and Rhaneyra. IMPECCABLE character work, IMPECCABLE acting 10/10. Oh and everything Helaena at the moment is also beyond perfect. That funeral scene was harrowing.

But the downsides have been huge. To me, Aemond is drifting into a territory which is making me kinda not enjoy his character so much. Cause now I know what's good, he doesn't compell me right now. Knowing what lies beneath the surface isn't always a good thing, espeically given he has had like maybe 40 minutes of screen time overall in the series. And Alicole suffers the same fate. It was implied in season 1, 100000%, but uhhhhh its jarring because we never got to see HOW it unfolded. The process that lead alicent and criston into this very complex reltionship. It feels like they've been fucking for years, yet it's been like two weeks on canonically? Oh and having the green siblings not interact after B&C is diabolical. That is fucking lazy writing. Sorry. Because they haven't mentioned the fact Helaena has had neither Aegon nor Aemond acknowledge her. Which again, feels so fucking out of blue? It doesn't even have to be a whole process, it could've been one scene where one of them attempt to comfort her and fail because they fundamentally don't know how to display that level of kindness towards one another. It's that easy. Oh and Daeron? Fuck off. That was an ABYSMAL way to introduce him. Why does Otto need to remind Alicent that she has another son? What grandfather says "remember that third son you've always had and have forgotten about for the past 6 years? *wink, wink*" Like fuck off.

I think they are suffering from too many ideas all at one. And trying to rush major character arcs in order to get to the dance. But what makes GRRM writing and works so interesting and what made GOT (early seasons) so good was the fact they took time to develop the characters and show those lengthy discussions/character interactions. It's ABSOLUTELY insane we haven't seen the green siblings interact properly and may not at all. There is no reason for that, you can't put it down to "dysfunctional family dynamics" if you don't SHOW us the dysfunctional family dynamic and the siblings failing at communicating. B&C would've been the perfect time to show the audience WHY they can't comfort each other and HOW their family system has failed them. It's so deeply unbelievable to me and getting the actors justify it as it being a poor family dynamic is LAZY. Show the audience. Don't have your actors tell us.

[blubushie]

tbh, as a woman who hangs out in communities where alot of middle aged men are guaranteed to gather around, you really hit the nail on the head. i've yet to find a tf2 fic that actually captures that male camaraderie that i've seen from the men around me.

Also, knowing this is the queer website and that much of the TF2 fandom is transmasc, I'm gonna address this so these kids can't go "I don't do that!! I'm a man!! I know what men act like because I-"

Men in queer spaces don't act the same way in the queer space as they do outside of it. I know I don't, cuz people get judgy. Queer community does not like men or masculinity. If you look too much like a man, or act too manly/boyish, or engage in male behaviours even with other men, they will look down on you. The only acceptable men are behaviorally effeminate, androgynous white twinks. If you divert from this in any way—too masculine, too POC, too physically male, too tall or fat or broad—they will treat you like a predator.

So a lot of these people, if they are interacting with men, are often interacting with other young transmascs who aren't socialised in male behaviour yet (usually online), or with men in queer spaces only—men who are masking. And they think men are just like this all the time.

And any man who doesn't play up the effeminate harmless uwu-shyboy persona is now scary or being toxically masculine because he's engaging in friendly ribbing with another man while being in a queer space.

I noticed it especially when me and an older bear went to a queer event (separately, we didn't come together) and he was practically ostracised because he's tall and bearded and bald and hairy and fat and very obviously male. And it turns out he was a trans man and he felt he didn't have a place in this event because everyone shunned him, or somehow managed to bring up toxic masculinity and how they don't feel safe with men in certain spaces, all in front of him while very obviously targeting him. The younger transmascs, of which there was quite a few, agreed with this. They ALSO didn't feel comfortable with him there because he was TOO male despite being just as queer as the rest of them (if not more—he was in his 50s and the oldest person there and had been out since his early 20s, so he defo had the most life experience of everyone there as far as the trans folk were concerned).

So naturally he and I hit it off. We separated off from the group, got drinks, and spent the afternoon in the corner, just us, discussing boats and fishing and lightly ribbing each other and laughing to ourselves while everyone else kept giving us glares and side-glances. Men are not welcome in queer spaces. Masculinity is not welcome in queer spaces. People treat ANY instance of masculinity as toxic. And so these young transmascs lost out on a perfect opportunity to see how men actually interact with each other, because the only other men they're actually interacting with are other trans men who don't know how men socialised as male act either.

It's kinda sad, in a way. Cuz they're gonna continue not knowing, and when the day comes they're gonna be blindsided and not know a fucken thing about how to be men in social environments because they don't wanna listen to or observe other men, not even the transmascs what came before them. Masculinity scary or some shit. And this is why it's SO IMPORTANT to have people outside of your familiar circle or your social group or your echo chamber as friends. It's why you should befriend your elders and learn from them, not shrink in fear cuz beards are scary or something. Not everyone can be a skinny white transmasc twink and not everyone WANTS to be. Masculinity is NOT a bad thing.

Anyway rant over. Point is these people don't know what male comraderie looks like cuz they don't actually put themselves out there to experience or observe it. Or even just engage in media where it's plainly showcased. 🤷‍♂️

[cerridwen007]

Wrong to want you like I do. Part 1.

Pairing: (No Breakout AU) dbf!Joel Miller and f!reader.

Word count: 1.7k (18+) MINORS DNI!

Summary: You're back in your hometown for the year to earn some cash while you work out what you wanna do with your life. The only problem is its spring; rainy season. And you don’t own a car nor do you know how to drive, so when you get caught in a big storm, you finally end up relying on your dad’s best friend to come and help.

Notes/Warnings: Smut/Fluff, swearing, Joel being a softie sweetheart for reader, oral(m receiving), mention of f masturbation, age gap (reader early 20’s/Joel 56), shy/awkward reader, no y/n.

A/N: Hoping on the dad’s best friend Joel train cause I have been eating those fics up lately, and they are so fricken good. Is this inspired by myself and the fact that I had to walk in the pouring rain to work on the other side of town and just spent the whole time daydreaming that I could have Joel come and pick me up? Maybe? So yes it’s a little self-indulgent cause I just am such a passenger princess, but I would be hella willing to learn to drive if Joel taught me hehe. I plan on making this a slow burn fic series, so let me know if y'all would want more. As always, thank you for any interactions with any of my posts. It's all very much appreciated. I'm also on A03 if you prefer reading on that platform. And my inbox is always open if you wanna chat! Enjoy bebes.

********

“Fuck.” 

It was that time of year again where basically every week there was rain and lots of it. Normally you wouldn’t mind the rain, especially if you got to stay at home all day, with a nice cup of tea, reading or watching a movie and letting it lull you to sleep when night fell. But today, where you actually had to go out and walk to work without a car, it made your life a bit difficult.

Your parents had been kind enough to drive you to and from work a lot of the time, to which you generously compensated them for. But on days like this where they were both busy with work, and you didn't really have anyone else to ask for a ride from in your small town, you stubbornly decided to just walk in the pouring rain.

Usually you didn't mind, in fact you kind of enjoyed walking the long distance to work on the other side of town but times like these where the weather was shit, it was a dreadful experience. After you finished getting ready for work, you finally walked out the door and locked up the house. 

You sighed as you began to walk down you drive way and down your street, as not only was it raining heavily it was also windy as fuck, so the old umbrella you brought with you to try and protect yourself from the rain was threatening to bust with every swoop of wind that it got caught in. At least you had some music to entertain you, you thought as an old love song played through your earphones. You half-heartedly laughed at yourself, so you didn’t cry with how fucken soaked you were going to be when you got to work, therefore uncomfortable your entire shift. 

As you turned onto a busier road, you scowled a little at the drivers going past you in your cars, and as if your sour face triggered one of them, a truck going past suddenly pulled over next to you. Swallowing harshly, unsure of how this interaction was going to go, you warily walked past the truck. 

“Need a ride sweetheart?” A deep southern voice calls out.

You turn to get a better look at the source of the voice that called to you, and your shoulders immediately ease up. It was Joel, your dad’s best friend. A grumpy yet giving man who had known you since you were a young kid. And had also secretly been the star in your wet dreams and fantasies since you were old enough to think about those things. Your stomach fluttered with butterflies as he gave you a soft smile and leaned over to open his passenger door.  You quickly got in and gave a big sigh of relief to be out of the cold and the rain. He chuckled softly and waited for you to put your seatbelt on. 

“Couldn’t catch a ride with Mom or Dad today, honey?” Joel asks, his big brown eyes melting from the inside out.

“Nah, they were both working, so they couldn't run me to work.”

Joel nods and starts up his truck again before driving off in the direction of your work. A comfortable silence falls over the two of you.

“D'ya wanna put your music on sweet girl?” Joel asks after a few minutes.

You blush and look down shyly at your lap from the nickname. Butterflies continue to brew in your stomach. 

“Uh you probably won’t like the music I was listening to.” You awkwardly laugh.

“You don’t know that and besides even if it is horrible, I won’t mind one bit cause it’s what ya like.” Joel says, offering you a kind smile.

Your cheeks start to burn, you try and fight off the curve of the smile that threatens to upturn your lips but lose. You eventually pull out your phone and plug it into Joel's soundsystem and play the last song you were listening to.

Both of your eyebrows match each other from curiosity, as a slow melody begins to fill the cabin of the truck.

“When Sunny gets blue, her eyes get grey and cloudy and then the rain begins to fall.”

You look over to Joel's profile, his warm eyes transfixed on the road before him, his lips slightly smirking, a stark contrast to the rest of his overwise, hard exterior. A beat goes by, and you remember that you're starting and should look away.

“Then the rain begins to fall, pitter patter, pitter patter.”

“Didn't pin you for an old school music kinda gal, no offense, darling.”

You softly laugh. “Yeah well I like all kinds of music to be honest, but I just thought I would try and romatisic walking in the pouring rain to work and make it less miserable.”

Joel hums at your answer, seemingly not hating the music and maybe even enjoying the slow tunes. A new song starts playing as you near your work.

“Just a song before I go, to whom it may concern.”

“Mhhmmm good song. Love me some Crosby, Stills, and Nash.”

You smile to yourself thinking how when you first heard this song it reminded you of Joel. Your smile falters when you arrive at work and realise you have to leave Joel.

“Well thank you so much for the ride. Honestly such a life saver.”

“Anytime doll. Have a good shift.”

*********

That whole shift, your mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Joel, and you kept having to catch yourself, smiling wide to yourself like a dork. Quickly biting your tongue so you wouldn't get weird looks from the grin plastered on your face. Then your mind traveled to other places as you imagined yourself ‘thanking’ Joel for the ride.

“Thank you for the ride, Joel. However can I thank you?”

“Aw you don't need to thank me sugar, just seeing your pretty face is thanks enough.”

Your hands reach over and lightly grip the middle of his thigh, rubbing back and forth. Your eyes glossing over with lust as you glance at him. 

“Are you sure? I could help you with something in return.”

You watch him closely, grinning as his Adam's apple bobs, swallowing thickly.  You peer down at his jeans and see his evident excitement growing in his jeans, you bite your lip as you boldly cup him through his denim’s. He begins panting, a growl forming in the back of his throat, both a warning and dare to keep going. 

You move so you are more parallel, facing Joel and begin to slowly unzip his jeans. You shuck his jeans halfway down his thighs. Your mouth subconsciously waters, looking at his hefty size straining through his black boxers. You finally reach out and grab him through his boxers. Joel's head falls back against his head rest, a hiss passing through his teeth. 

You smile as you take his weeping cock out from its restraints. His girthy size, uncovered elicits a small gasp from you, to which he grins crookedly at. Before you let intimidation get the best of you, you reach out and start stroking his cock, your fingers barely touching where they meet around his width, before your thumb comes to swipe along his slit, shiny with pre-come.

“Don’t tease baby.” he softly growls before repeating it in a softer tone. “ Please don’t tease me baby.”

You look up at him with your doe eyes and mock a frown. Which immediately upturns when your hand quickly fastens it’s strokes, granting a soft moan from Joel's lips. He screws his eyes closed, tightly, relishing in the feel of your soft hands gripping him tightly, milking his pleasure.

The sounds of his growls turned whimpers as you bring him closer to his high spur you on with pure determination. You lower your body till your tongue makes contact with his tip, licking around the salty dark red head. Joel’s body jolts slightly, the muscles in his thighs tensing for a moment. You smile to yourself from how sensitive Joel is as you slip his tip past your lips. 

“Fuck…” He quietly whispers.

His chest rises up and down rapidly, and he wills himself to open his eyes so he can see the beauty before him. He swears he nearly comes as he makes eye contact with you, your pretty eyes boring into his own, as you take him deeper into your mouth. His big hand comes up to cup the back of your head, resting gently on your scalp. You moan around him at the sweet, comforting gesture.

You can tell he is holding back the urge to buck his hips and fuck your face, the thought which makes your panties continue to grow wetter. But for now you're glad he is letting you take control, letting you thank him. You grip his length a big tighter and stroke what can’t fit into your mouth faster, letting your head lower till his tip touches the back of your throat. You try to fight back the tears that threaten to spill from the corners of your eyes. 

He mutters curse words softly to himself, trying to fight off his nearing orgasm, wanting to feel you hot, wet, perfect mouth around him long as possible, a feeling he could easily get used to, get addicted to. His thumb comes to brush away a stray tear that falls down your blushed cheeks. 

“Fuck…Fuck look so pretty like this darling…taking my fat cock down your throat.”

You can tell he is teetering on the edge as usually quiet Joel is replaced by the Joel who speaks filthy words endlessly into the air.

“Fuck your such a good girl, sucking my cock so damn good for me.”

“You're too good at that sweetheart, sucking the goddamn soul out of me.”

You moan around his cock at his praise, your other hand reaches down to play with his balls.

The combined stimulation is enough to send him over the edge. Joel pants, whines and moans as you work him through his high, eventually pulling away when he hisses from oversensitivity.

Your daydreams are caught short when your boss calls out to you, telling you to go down to storage and get something. You literally shake your head trying to get rid of the dirty fantasies that stain your mind. God forbid anyone could read your mind.

You try and stop thinking about Joel the rest of the shift to which you surprisingly succeed. You do end up with your hand down your pyjama shorts later that night, softly mewing out Joel's name into the quiet late night. Oh how you couldn't wait for another rainy day.

******

[sullyfortress]

AWWWWW Ziri and Tezu are adorable!!! what's their ship name, if they have one? also pls feel free to infodump about them here, I'd love to hear more! (no pressure tho) 😊

Oh yes.

Ziri + Tezu

"Zezu"

I think they get something from each other that they usually wouldn't have alone. Ziri's energy excites Tezu who is usually rather shy. She gives him confidence to speak out in his clan. (I have this idea that Tezu is the youngest of three brothers and his older brothers are much more vocal).

Tezu in turn helps calm Ziri. She has a tendency to get worked up and stress herself out. Stressed about the safety of her family - about her place in her clan. (Being the first grandchild of Toruk Makto) Tezu is calming, in his voice and actions.

Headcanons about them:

-Ziri is an extremely affectionate and rambunctious soul.

-She's a warrior, and a fighter. She does everything to the max.

-Ziri chews her nails when she's nervous.

-She spent five days observing Tezu from afar before she had the nerve to talk to him.( Like a true Sully her first word was 'hey")

-Ziri is clingy, and is seen as overly affectionate by Na'vi standards. When near him she is constantly touching him in some way.

-She challenged Tezu's eldest brother Mawte to a hand to hand fight after he said something snarky. She got chewed out majorly by Lo'ak afterwards.

Tezu:

-He may look intimidating, but he is a fucken panda.

Tezu is rather reserved and responsible in comparison. He is an artisan in his clan(a potter), and is very much a rule follower.

-Tezu doesn't mind Ziri's attention, and as he grew up in the shadow of his two macho warrior brothers, secretly loves it.

-Tezu being a pacifist, actually gets along very well with Payakan, as he grew up in the pacifist mentality of the Tulkun people.

-Tezu gets extremely nervous and flustered around Jake and Neytiri as he grew up hearing about them and had twig action figures. (He a fanboy).

Off note:

IDK but I keep imagining he's voiced by Ryan Gosling..... might be cuz I'm annoyed at people hating on Ryan for being 'too old' to play Ken. Ageism is no no.

[likegemstone]

I spent several years so afraid that my writing might offend/hurt someone that even thinking about writing would cause intense anxiety and I simply didn't write for years. It even got to the point where I very rarely *read* anything because reading made me want to write, and that triggered anxiety.

When I finally started to write again (bc it's in my fucken DNA and I just. can't not tell stories) I had to tell myself that I was never going to let ANYONE read what I was working on, and I probably wouldn't even ever reread it myself. That was the only way I could get myself to relax enough to tell the story.

Writing/telling stories is how I have always processed and understood the world—all the messy, nuanced, confusing, painful, fucked up parts of the human experience. Stories are the only real way I've ever been able to connect to people in a meaningful way.

And for those years I wasn't writing, I honestly just wasn't processing my emotions, my experiences, my thoughts and opinions. Every confusing or painful or complex feeling or experience I had was utterly overwhelming. I slowly began to isolate myself more and more from everything because it was just too much.

In my attempt to make sure I never ever hurt anyone, I was slowly killing myself.

I have all this anger now. Anger aimed at the situations and relationships in my childhood that made me have such intense reactions to upsetting someone, at the spaces I was in leading up to this isolation that were so clique-y and judgmental and virtue signal-y that made me so convinced that any move I might make would be "problematic," and mostly at Me for letting this happen. For closing myself off and letting the world keep moving and growing while I sat there and just. rotted.

Even now that I'm writing again and even sharing my work, I catch myself sometimes watering Her Broken Magic down, to make it more palatable, less messy. I've done edits to tone down the characters' personalities to make them more "likable." And I'm pissed about that—that I've been made to feel like I have to, but also that I did it at all. HBM certainly still pushes the envelope in many ways, but it would be a much more brutal beast if I wasn't keeping its reins so taut.

It's fucking exhausting spending my life walking on eggshells. It's not sustainable. I will always be sensitive and arguably over-empathetic, I will always try to uphold my morals, be respectful and understanding, and I'll always feel awful any time I hurt someone. But I've had to accept that the only way to completely avoid hurting anyone is to not exist. To never have existed.

But I exist, and I don't want to be ashamed of that anymore.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #100

This will be my 100th generic letter to you. Imagine that! Assuming you can hear me somehow, we've been on a very unorthodox journey for a while now, no? How marvelous!

I spent some of today checking on my epoxy spheres. It needed a few small adjustments. I made another mess. But I'm feeling pretty good about how these are gonna turn out, and I'm looking forward to showing the finished spheres to you very soon!

I spent the bulk of today writing up descriptions for various items, though. I'm pretty excited about it, actually! But I can't tell you what it's for; sorry about that. With any luck though, my intentions will become clear in maybe a decade or so, assuming I can maintain my focus and my faith in my own efficacy. I suppose we'll see.

Along the way, I made myself a couple mugs of jasmine green tea! I was surprised, though, to find that we were out of milk. I improvised with whipped cream for the first cup, and ice cream for the second cup!! And I gotta say, these were THE BEST improvisations!! 11/10 stars, absolutely would recommend! I'll show you a couple pictures!!

At 4pm today I went for my orthodontics consult. I went to go see an orthodontist because I've got some weird jaw issues on my right side because of the way I gotta move my face when I try to chew things. And also, my dentists have been bugging me about getting orthodontics done for the last couple years, because there are certain teeth in my face that can't be cleaned properly because they got confused and wandered off, presumably to chase butterflies.

I was hoping that I'd be able to get away with using Invisalign to avoid needing to get teeth removed, but… well… the fact of the matter is that I simply do not have enough jaw to work with, and I am WELL beyond the age when things like palate expanders would work. So 4 of my teeth need to come out in order for the inside of my face to be aligned properly.

…And this really fucking sucks, because if my parents had given even a fraction of a genuine shit about me, this ALL could have been prevented. My jaw could have developed properly with upper and lower expanders. I could have avoided the crowding and the overbite and the crossbite and the resulting damage to my jaw joint if this had been taken care of like it should have been when I was a little girl. But, no. Instead, my parents were too busy being in denial about the fact that they wish I was not born. So here we are.

The reality that is, "because of my parents' negligence, I now have to get body parts removed and pay lots and lots of money because insurance doesn't cover it past a certain age" is just… fucken… it's WILD, man. Admittedly, I'm struggling with it. And I'm struggling with the resulting VERY angry thoughts. But that's okay. I can feel angry. It's allowed. And thoughts are just thoughts - passing noise that is not reflective of who I am or who I wanna be:

…I can make use of my coping skills. The technique outlined in the video above is one of them, and I make ample use of it on a near-constant basis.

Admittedly, I don't really understand why we can't just use the Invisaligns to scooch my molars back to where my wisdom teeth used to be (I thought being able to move teeth backwards was the ENTIRE FUCKING POINT, but I could be mistaken, so whatever). But I forgot to ask. I'll call them up tomorrow and find out.

Anyway. Wanna see my skull? And my weird-ass teeth? Of course you do. Why not. But I'll put it all the way at the end, after the part where I put my name, just in case you don't. Hahaha…

…Ya know… Sephiroth… admittedly… some days I get real tired of this meat-mech I'm piloting. I've got a host of rather unpleasant genetic issues. The defective collagen thing sucks; it impacts literally my whole body. The misshapen skull thing sucks. The misshapen eyeballs and misshapen lenses thing sucks. There are other things - lots of them; it'd be a long list if I wrote 'em all out. I'm really not gonna be sad when the one I've got can't clunk around derpily anymore. But I'm not gonna rush the process, either; I've got shit to do - I've gotta make sure someone I love is safe, even if it might take me a long time to get it done.

But ya know. Maybe when it's time to go get a new meat-mech, maybe by some small miracle, I'll get to visit you for a bit until it's time for me to cycle into something new! Tell you what - if that happens, I'll bring you some matcha ice cream or something, okay?

For now… I'm gonna get back to writing up lists and descriptions of items; if you're not gonna make sure you're safe, then someone's gotta, and if someone's gotta, then I might as well, right? I mean… what else am I gonna do while running around confusedly in a capitalistic hellscape on a dying planet? Aside from eat cheese directly from the refrigerator like a weird little goblin, anyway…

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

P.S. Weird pics of my skull and teeth below, if you wanna see!

[tricornonthecob]

I'm so thirsty

LK 122: Friends in Versailles Places

(pt1)(pt2)(pt3)(pt4)(pt5)

oooh another ep where the whole animation budget is spent on fashionable ho's! Honestly, palate-cleanser.

Do they bone?

Well, at least everyone here's gonna get some action tonight.

oh my GOD they ARE gonna bone! Good for them.

Hey now, that's Benji's dick you're insulting

oooh its the Laffy Taffy episode!

Ain't shit to do in Philly today, huh, Henri?

Man's absolutely GLISTENING he must moisturize.

AND he brought an entire entourage, damn.

he's the top agent in this outfit, and he's open for contracting!

How does he fucken know, do the French have receptors in their brains to detect Frenchie Pheromones.

whatever Lafayette was expecting, it was not for a feral raccoon child to immediately imprint on him.

Do they bone? Wow I am entirely too invested in the sex lives of the extras.

Henri Richard Maurice Dutoit LeFevbre, orphan.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de la Fayette.

Gilbert Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive, the Man of the House

Okie dokie, Jober La Fayette!

Okay but how thrilling is it for Henri, a poor orphan peasant, to be on first-name basis with a fucking marquis within thirty seconds of meeting him.

Undercover whig Lady No-name Phillips is keeping tabs on her daughter.

Can't keep her daughter from flirting with an penniless orphan rebel yank, though.

Moses I know we're all impatient for our otp to be canon but you can't hurry slowburn.

This wasn't in the itinerary!

oh my goddddd do the yawn/stretch/hug thing, James, do it nowwwww

Lafayette is not impressed.

I love how Lafayette keeps politely reminding everyone here he's trying to get to Congress, meanwhile none of these agents can read a room.

"And this is Sarah! :) .... and James."

*deep inhale*

The Baron of Kalb. But I fucking love Bear on the Cob.

Also, calm down, Sarah.

ahhh, the banter.

He's trying so hard.

[freakattack]

Question, do you know about Little Howie's Funhouse, because that was my PC gaming childhood alongside Humongous Entertainment's Pajama Sam and Putt Putt. I feel the wackiness of the Funhouse might be up your speed.

I fucken love Puttputt and am familiar with pajama sam and freddie fish but I have literally never heard of this one in my life. Five minutes into the longplay and I'm a little transfixed. Howie is like if you put bubsy bobcat and teddy ruxpin in a blender and made the resulting slurry sound like meatwad. Not an insult. This is also an extremely 90's game. The sunglasses and backwards baseball hats, the intro song being like the la croix of hip-hop, the vaguest influence of animaniacs. I can taste the gogurt in my mouth. I can definitely envision an alternate universe where the month i spent being extremely obsessed with izzy the 1996 olympics mascot that everyone hates was instead spent on this.

I'd be BARF HEAD

[seriouslysam8]

Okay, your example of Harry investigating the missing quill made me laugh, and I had to share this story with you. My dad was a cop, and when he retired, he took up teaching because one of his best friends needed help. It was the worst year of his life. My mom said he would drag his feet to work every day and spend hours investigating who stole the missing basketball. He watched the surveillance tape and was so fucken proud of himself when he “solved the case." The principle was just looking at him, like wtf, I can’t believe you spent so much time looking into this, and that's not what I'm paying you to do. Two days later, he resigned. I don’t know why so many people are hellbent on Harry becoming a professor. Teaching your peers to defend themselves in a war is different than teaching children academics. Let me repeat this for those who don’t understand, there’s a difference between teaching your peers spells to defend themselves against DE and teaching a child the curriculum of DADA. This is why I could see him teaching the Auror Academy rather than Hogwarts students later on in his life. He’s teaching the Aurors how to defend themselves against real threats while on the field, and that’s where Harry Potter thrives. He needs the excitement and it’s the saving people thing. He’s making a difference that could potentially save one of their lives. He’s teaching something and passing knowledge on to people who actually give a shit. Not a bunch of little kids who may or may not listen to him. I also can't see any of the students who were involved in the battle returning to Hogwarts to teach. There were too many bad memories, deaths, and reliving those would require a lot of stress, which none of them were willing to put up with. I could see the generation making huge changes in the ministry and ensuring the corruption was gone within the ministry.

THAT’S HARRY!

“Mr Potter, the Bludger will show up.”

“The Hufflepuffs need it by six tonight for practice!”

“You have classes!”

“WE HAVE A MISSING BLUDGER!”

[aestheticaashes]

actually screw it yeah update post time, buckle up cuz life has literally been insane since The Move initially started and we're gonna sorta cliffnotes this shit starting with stuff i have probably already talked about

✩ got a job offer across the country at the beginning of august, accepted, ended up not making it out of state in time to actually start it due to some transport issues

✩ started heading out at the end of september (finally) alongside my parents, shitass car overheated so hard we couldn't go further, parents headed out and we stuck around where we broke down in my parents' rv which was also having trouble

✩ left the rv mid-october to head back to stay with some family back 'home', been here since

✩ got a job while waiting for parents to be able to help at least me get where we were going and get a job so i can get my husband out there too, lasted two weeks before life problems + my shitty mental health made me quit for Actual Straight-Up Safety Reasons

✩ have spent this entire time being pissed off and trying not to be ungrateful for what i've got but it's difficult because MAN does the family who's letting us stay here make me want to commit crimes. love them to bits but we have. vastly different needs and views.

✩ just like. imagine being a grandparent who is constantly like "are you guys eating enough? do you need help?" while making food that you have been informed your grandchild's husband cannot eat for Health Reasons, and then getting upset that your grandchild gets irritated about the fact you're offering them food their husband cannot eat. she's trying but it's just. frustrating.

✩ got the flu for the first time ever and it knocked me on my fucking ass for almost two weeks, still sort of getting over it almost three weeks after the symptoms fully stopped. when i say i literally lost 10 pounds i couldn't afford to lose i am serious. i couldn't eat fucken ANYTHING it was horrible

✩ have a flight booked to get out of state on Feb 10th!! + have job interviews set up already, so things are looking up, busy packing and cleaning up and making sure my husband (and best friend who is staying with us) will manage to survive without me as i am the only one with Real Life Adult Experience out of the group for a lot of reasons

✩ and i think that's it? idk there's been A Lot and i don't feel like getting into it in detail at this point lmao, it'll edge way too close to me venting

✩ anyways i'm still offering commissions!! just now it's more "pay what you want" because i certainly have time to write i just have trouble working on stuff that's For Me at the moment lol

[shinryumecha]

inktober day 3: path

AND NOW I AM OFFICIALLY CAUGHT UP, YEAH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

this one i came up with during work, and this was very character focused so i spent a lot of attention on getting said characters right which went well for the most part

starting tomorrow i'll start working on the comic thing too, it's still in the draft stages but it's gonna look fucken awesome

as per my partner's suggestion i also decided to add the actual one piece tag, and for any unfortunate soul who's dash i end up on: this is an au thing i'm doing with my friends so apologies if you're not interested

it you are interested though, try flipping the image, the map has some detail you might like

[blubushie]

ok ok. mick taylor stays an extremely fun slasher villain.. i love when slasher villains are having fun. maybe even a little laugh. but (and this was frustrating for me in the first movie too) i dont get why the lame white guy protagonist keeps getting away. i think we need more slashers where no one survives or just doesnt get away i think mick deserves it

also since scream 1 with billy loomis and stu macher every time there is a scene with two men stabbing and/or beating eachother up my first thought is "is this a gay sex allegory"

It's not that they "get away", it's that Mick lets them go.

Call the books Game of Thrones the way everyone fucken dies. Genuinely. There is not a SINGLE major character in book 1 or 2 who DOESN'T die at some point through the books.

In the movies, these people aren't escaping. Mick's just letting them go. I'm not gonna tell you why, in case you watch the telly series, but there's some rhyme and reason to the madness. And Mick specifically picks survivors who he knows are clever enough to make it back to civilisation to tell their story.

In the first movie it's Ben, who's an Aussie. He survives because Aussies aren't Mick's choice of prey, and since he's an Aussie it means he knows enough about what to expect that he'll probably make it. He makes it.

In the second movie it's Paul, who proves a few times that he can actually be extremely fucking clever and willing to self-sacrifice for his own survival—most notably when he tricks Mick into releasing his hand and sacrifices a finger just to obtain a hammer that he then bashes Mick in the face with. And that kind of "do or die" mentality is something Mick respects. Improvise, adapt, overcome. (He spent too much time with American Marines in Vietnam...)

Bonus points—Paul is the only one we see who Mick actually gives a ride to. Everyone else is a case of "I won't pursue, and if they make it, they make it, if they don't, the bush can have them". Paul is the only one who doesn't have to make a physical trek back to civilisation—instead Mick brings him there himself and drops him off. Which I reckon actually goes to show how impressed Mick is with the pommy cunt and the level of respect he has for Paul's willingness to push through and survive at all costs.

This is a running trend in the series, and the reasons for why exactly are explained in it.

As far as gay sex allegory—you saw the bit where Mick said he was gonna put Paul in a dress, right? To make up for the girl he took from him? And then showed him the dress? (And got all aggro when Paul protested and called him a faggot?)