#also i’m still learning how to draw finn

[rory-multifandom-mess]

Holy woah! Dandy’s world OC!

Here’s my baby Coral!!! I’m working on her interactions still but here’s her ref sheet stuffs!!

And yes. She is in love

(more doodles of these three out now!!)

[lordystrange]

I think it’s okay to ship Finn and Noah.

Please give me the benefit of the doubt. This is gonna be a long post.

I don’t think real-person-shippers are bad people, like some of you often insinuate (or blatantly state). Here’s how I view this:

We often tend to daydream about our crushes, right? Picture ourselves in situations with them, plan our lives and even analyze our dynamic and compatibility as a potential couple. We wonder if they like us back and/or how we could make them like us back. That even includes questioning the sexuality of the crush.

That’s shipping ourselves with this person.

We also do it with our friends. ”Ohh I wonder if this person likes you back… you two would be so cute together!”

So we also ship our friends with their crushes. (unless our friends have horrible taste)

Reading the possible/potential signs of mutual attraction is not only okay but necessary in the dating scheme.

Imagining you and your crush as a couple is also necessary, because that’s how you can learn if you’d even like the relationship and what exactly would it need for you to like it.

Why do we ship fictional characters? Byler for example. There are many answers, but let’s summarise it in ”We like their dynamic.” Just like we’d like the dynamic of ourselves with someone or our friend with someone.

Not all people are ”dynamics-enjoyers.” Not all people are shippers. But if you are, you can’t really help it. Certain dynamics are just so appealing to you. I’d say it’s natural.

We can’t control our thoughts but we can control what we say. I know there are a lot of Byler shippers who also ship Foah but don’t admit it out loud. Some of them are ashamed for it, some are just hiding from the bullies.

There is nothing wrong in finding Finn and Noah’s dynamic cute. There is nothing wrong in wondering if they’re together. There’s nothing wrong in wondering if it’s possible for them to be together some day. There’s nothing wrong in wondering if Finn is queer. (<- Before you wanna argue about that, check the disclaimers.)

Because there’s a difference between shipping and harassing. We can enjoy the dynamic and talk about it without it crossing the line.

What is the line, then? I’d say the line is when the people in question can’t ignore it. Here’s some examples:

A tiktok edit of cute Foah moments?

Ignorable.

A tumblr post analyzing Finn and Noah’s behavior around one another?

Ignorable.

A reddit comment saying ”Foah is so cute together 💕” ?

Very ignorable (it’d get downvoted so fast that they likely won’t ever see it)

But

Harassing their real life partners (if they got those) for ”forcing them into a relationship with them against their will?”

Can’t ignore.

Pestering them with questions about them everywhere they go together, making it uncomfortable for them to be seen together?

Can’t ignore.

Spreading your own interpretation of them like a proven fact, refusing to admit that you don’t actually know?

Can’t ignore. (there’s always people who won’t fact check and will just help spreading it)

Forcing them to come out?

Can’t ignore.

Commenting 25 GIFs of their characters kissing under every single instagram post they make? (iykyk 🙃)

Possibly can be ignored but I’d still find it disturbing.

One might argue that it’s easier to just draw the line in no real-people-ships at all, than trying to draw the line based on semantics and posting platforms.

But one might also argue that it’s easier to just not ship fictional characters either to avoid all complications it may cause.

I’m not one. I ship Byler and I ship Foah too. The extent of my shipping is different between those ships, since Byler is permanently renting room in my brain and Foah is something that comes and goes, but I find enjoyment in both dynamics. I know that my interpretations of the dynamics are just mine and I don’t expect others to see what I see, Noah and Finn themselves included, but if someone does see what I see, I’m happy to appreciate the ships together.

In conclusion: Shippers’ poor behaviour is not shipping. It’s just poor behaviour. Shipping is shipping and as such it’s okay.

Disclaimers you need to read before commenting:

I’m not saying that everybody should ship Foah/real-people-ships. I’m just saying that the ones who do so are not necessarily hurting anybody and therefore shouldn’t be shamed for it.

I’m also not saying that shipping real people is the good/right thing to do. I’m just pointing out that it’s not that different than any other ”form” of shipping.

I understand that there are a lot of different situations to which what I said can’t be directly applied to. We can discuss those, but there’s no need to intentionally come up with the most complex cases possible just to challenge me or ”prove me wrong.”

I know that me saying this might make people uncomfortable for various different reasons. Take your time!

This doesn’t excuse anyone who has been shamed by real-person-ship -antis to shame them back.

If someone manages to point out something I haven’t thought about and it ends up changing my mind, then I do.

I won’t lose my marbles if Foah never really happens.

Thank you for reading! Have a nice day! 💚

[headfullof-ideas]

I’m hoping to have more doodles for this au done today, but I’m posting this one alone just in case. This is for my version of the age swap au that @httyd-nerd’s version reminded me/inspired me to further develop, and it’s of a baby Ant and Maddie. In my version, Ant and Maddie are the older siblings whereas Finn and Fontaine are the younger siblings. But they still meet at the same age as they did in canon, so Ant and Maddie have a few years of getting to know each other before their little siblings are deemed old enough to partake in the family shenanigans

However. In canon Ant and Maddie have a three year age gap, Ant being older. I’ve aged them up to around the same age in this au, meaning that Maddie is the same age as Ant, maybe a bit younger, when they first meet

Ten year old Madeline is the same height as a twelve-thirteen year old Ant. The same age as if only a little bit younger than Ant Madeline would be a fair bit taller than him. And he does NOT like it

Also, behold mohawk and broody makeup tweenage Madeline. I like to headcanon that she starts playing with makeup and clothing once she becomes a teenager, much to Hammerhead’s dismay. I started playing with her having a Mohawk for a different au, but eventually decided it’d be fun if I just headcanoned that thirteen-fourteen year old Maddie had one. It took a minute to learn how to draw her with one tho

[vivianleighwishesshewasme]

Bought by a Shelby-14

London Fog part 1 (no warning apply)

Finn gets Jealous over all the attention Lettie receives and reveals a fear to her.

______________________________________________________________

Finn had anticipated the attention when he walked in after a long absence from the London office. He hadn’t known they’d be getting this much attention.

He knew part of it was his wife’s looks. She was tall, reedy and had naturally white blonde hair. Her large honey brown eyes were also a draw to her lovely face as was her smile which was genuinely plastered on her face.

Finn had worked here many times before, especially before they were married. He was receiving the normal amount of greetings but it was the smiles, grins and the men looking his lovely bride over that had him on edge. If one more man tipped his hat to her in greeting, he’d use his peaky cap as a warning.

If he got the job, Letitia wasn’t allowed to visit him at work. She attracted a lot of attention. He glanced at her. She seemed oblivious to it.

He roughly pulled open the door to his office on the third floor and practically shoved her inside.

“Finn!” She stood watching him move about closing blinds and locking the door. Her eyes slit and she cocked her head once he plopped down on his desk chair and ran his fingers through his slick back hair. He always tried to present himself as a dapper, well put together gentlemen at work or when they were out.

He looked like a hornet trapped in a medicine bottle.

“ What just happened?” Letitia was confused. She knew it couldn’t have been anything she’d done. She’d just been walking. Her eyes had been sweeping over the expansive building, but she hadn’t said anything to perturb her husband.

“You, your beautiful face happened. How am I supposed to move you to London, knowing people are going to be calling you out all day when I'm here at work? I won't know who you are out with? What if you find some fancy city guy that catches your eye? Or a friend who knows you can do better?” Finn glared at her and looked down at the floor like a sullen boy. He was sulking because she had gotten a few wayward looks?

Letties face and heart softened at her silly jealous husband's thoughts. She’d not seen this side of him. He was definitely a Shelby, they always carried themselves like roosters strutting around the yard. They know they are important.

She also knew Finn had a fear of rejection. It wasn’t entirely his fault.

Lettie walked around his desk and slowly taking off her gloves as she thought about what to say. Finn had a temper especially when hurt. She’d learned to speak slowly and more carefully so as to not have to undo damage to him later.

“Putting aside the thinly veiled insult that you think I could be disloyal and unfaithful to you, I am overwhelmed here Finn. I’m just trying to bury it down and …save face…for you. I know this is an important step in your business future.” She sat on his desk near him, careful not to touch him. She’d learned several weeks ago that he would flinch if the touch was unexpected.

He’d confessed to her that he felt like the forgotten Shelby. Even as an adult he felt like his brothers still saw him as a ten year old playing dress up.

She’d seen the way they constantly shut him down and physically pushed him back, then got confused and angry when he didn’t rise to the occasion.

“I’m not going to leave you.” She’d spoken her words softly. She knew he’d heard her when his eyes briefly flitted to hers. While he sat looking lost in thought, she knew he was paying attention.

She reached forward and took his hand out from where it had been propped under his chin.

“I believe you and I are tied by fate. You are stuck with me until one of us dies, then I’m sure the other will haunt the living spouse. In your case out of jealousy.” She chuckled at her own musings. He playfully rolled his eyes in response.

“It’s not you being unfaithful I’m worried about. I know you are a good woman. I knew that when I spoke to you at your caravan. I’m not an impulsive person. Lett, you know that.” He was having doubts about himself. She smiled. He could be so sweet and selfish at the same time.

“Then what is it? You're scared of being successful? Or you are scared you won't measure up to Thomas Shelby's version of what you should be?” Her eyes had widened at her own carelessly said words. While true, she’d wished she’d thought about them before they came rushing out like a spring river.

The wind had been knocked out of Finn. Sometimes he hated how insightful his woman was, how wise.

She’d hit the nail on the head so to speak. He was in truth afraid of failing and losing his success. The other fear was that he wouldn’t measure up to Thomas’s thinly outlined version of who he should be.

Lett hiked up her amber colored silk dress and straddled her husband. She knew how to get his attention now. Finn sat back clearly pleased and slid down slightly allowing her more room on his lap. His strong hands circled her waist and he rubbed gently. She had his full attention.

“For what it's worth, the world is changing Finn. London isn't Birmingham. Your brother's reputation here is that of a gangster turned politician. You are known as a businessman here. You already have an advantage. Use it to make yourself the big man here.” She gently peppered his face with kisses. His hands went higher slowly dragging her dress up to her waist. She was grateful now that he’d closed the door and shut the blinds.

“ How did I manage to marry a woman who was so much smarter than me?” He purred as his lips gently sucked at her long alabaster throat.

“ Luck, fate and good taste.” She smiled as she racked her finger through his hair tilting his head back so she could explore his mouth.

“Speaking of taste, we have an hour before you need to meet Ada. We could have sex in my office for good luck?” She grinned at him. What did he think her plan was?

“ You don't need luck Mr Shelby but I am always ready to have sex with you anywhere.” She groaned and mewed as she pushed her off of him and he stood. His hands grabbed underneath her bum and plopped her roughly on his polished mahogany desk. He was a man starved and she was more than happy to feed him.

[happypot0001]

⚠️Character belongs to @boxxie-does-art 📦⚠️

JDJDJDJDJDJ ITS MY LOVELY BUBBLY BOY FIIINNNNNNNNNN!!!!

JDDJJDJ I tried really hard to make it look good 😭😭😭 I HOPE YOU REALLY REALLY ENJOY IT!!! THINGS MAY BE A BIT TOUGH FOR NOW BUT IM GLAD YOU STILL FIND IT IN YOURSELF TO PUT UP WITH ME STILL!!! 🫶🫶 I HOPE EVERYTHING TURNS OUT WELL FOR YOU!!!! Also really hope Finn appreciates it!!

Lots of love to 📦 and anyone else reading!! 💕💕

KDJDDJDJD YYAAYAYAYAYAYYYA!!!! I’ve been working a lot faster on these pieces so I’m SUPER UBER GLAD ABOUT THAT!!!! BUT I STILL NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DRAW THE BOTTOM HALF OF A BODY!!!! IVE ONLY BEEN DOING HALF-BODYS BECAUSE LIKE IDK HOW TO DRAW LEGS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but I’m gonna improve I really hope ✊✊✊✊ WELL ANYWAYS….REMEMBER ART FIGHT?? SOOO ⛵️and 🥕 (if you don’t know who those people are it’s fine they’re very talented people but not gonna bother them by tagging in a random post 😭😭😭🫶) both drew Finn for Art Fight right? BUT! I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DIIIDDDNNTTT DRAW FINN!! So I made a promise to make Finn a drawing AFTER Art Fight so it could be just a special little thing for him 💕💕💕💕💕 SO FINALLLYYYYYY DREW HIIIIIMMMMM GAHAHAHAAAAAAA YAYAYAYA!!!! YEP YEP SOOOOOOO WRITE THIS DOWNNN ITS MY OFFICIALL FIRST TIME DRAWING FINN FROM COLOC!! JDJDJDJDJDJ LOVE YOUR CUTE COLOC GUYS THEYRE SO FUNNY AND THEIR DYNAMIC IS VERY VERY CUTE 😭😭🫶🫶 PLEASE KEEP CREATING, BUT OF COURSE TAKE BREAKS WHEN YOU NEED TO!!!! JDJDJDJDJD THERE ARE OBVIOUSLY MANY PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE BEING IN YOUR PRESENCE SO JUST REMEMBER WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!! I REALLY REALLY HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD REST OF YOUR DAYS FOR THE REST OF YOUR YEARS!!!!!

Lots of love to everyone reading once again!! 💕💕💕

[perfectstorm2025edition]

When all the right conditional factors came together at all the wrong times, the perfect neurodevelopmental storm was created. As many of you know, a lengthy series of comprehensive developmental evaluations recently confirmed our sweet Finn with a suspected diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder last month. Currently, his evaluation report indicates Level 1 functioning for communication and 2 function level for behaviors. Around 15 months or so, Finn began to experience speech regression. He talked almost as early as we walked (and we were running by 11 months, LOL) and using several words consistently like “ball” and “dog.”

Surely, we’ve all heard that God has a sense of humor. Well, the one area of mental health I haven’t had the opportunity to have direct clinical experience in is in the field of ABA. Applied Behavioral Analysis. I’m learning so many things, of course. I’m trying so hard to learn all the things I possibly can! All the things to help myself, to help Finnley, but also to gain this important knowledge and these meaningful skills so that I may perhaps also help others and their loved ones also struggling on the spectrum. I’m learning a phrase "autism: different, not less.” This dramatic phrase emphasizes that autistic individuals are unique, possessing many individual strengths, but also acknowledging that their experiences and perspectives may differ from neurotypical individuals. However, this doesn't diminish their value or abilities.

Sadly, what it does diminish is their life expectancy. Longitudinal studies that followed people with Autism for over 20 years found that the average life expectancy ranges between 39 years and 58 years. This means the average lifespan for these folks, for our sweet Finn, is nearly 20 years less than that of an average healthy adult. I WANT TO CHANGE THIS!!!!!! As Most of you also know I am currently pursuing my own advanced degree in mental health as a FT NP student. I instantly knew Finn’s regressive language development to be a huge concern, a major warning sign to continue to closely monitor. As we recently began nearing Travis’ graduation these past few months, Finnley’s services and therapy appointments were only increasing to offer him the additional recommended support that he was clearly, desperately needing.

With Finn’s limited coping abilities at this time, you may now be at the stage of understanding as to where my Clooney’s 2000’s, real-life based Perfect Storm movie reference is coming from. I’m learning autism truly is a spectrum. I have a feeling another quarter century from now, God willing I be so blessed to still be living earthside 2050 that I may have a love/hate relationship with the word “spectrum.” For context I am being silly, however, that doesn’t make it any less true. And please allow me to emphasize how much I pray I have learned by then. How much more aware and informed I am. How much more educated I am. Also, how much support I hope my Finn has been given by then.

I have said this to a few of those closest to me professionally but seriously. I’m going to go ahead and announce this publicly, too. Mark my words: in 2050, bet my sweet you know what ABA the approved, medically necessary treatment for ADHD as well. What I really mean is, it will be the gold standard intervention that most insurances will pay for. BUT. This isn’t about that. However though, while we’re on the subject, did you know that ADHD also lowers one’s lifespan by an average of 7 years, depending on gender? To just think in 2050, Finnley Wayne would be 27, going on 28 himself. The same age I was when my dad passed.

The challenges, the abilities, the functionality, the deficits, the level of support required… It’s all on a spectrum. Some kiddos/adults may be non-verbal while others, like the “Good Doctor,” have exceptional abilities in specific areas. While "The Good Doctor" is a fictional medical drama TV series, it draws upon inspiration from real-life chance discoveries and medical experiences, aiming for authenticity in portraying autism and the medical world. The show, which ran for 5 seasons starring Freddie Highmore as Shaun Murphy: a socially awkward, sensory sensitive surgical resident with savant syndrome and ASD (autism), is a fictionalized account.

While not based on a single true story, those associated with Good Doctor including many actors yes, of course, but many others too, they have all emphasized the importance of portraying autism authentically. Good Doctor aims to be fairly accurate when it comes to medical jargon, diagnoses, and treatments.

The show's creators, directors and producers have shared that the story was largely inspired by a courageous 5-year-old Washington State kiddo who underwent a routine teeth cleaning that led to the discovery of a cancerous tumor. Please allow my nurse brain to “geek out” for a minute. Over ninety percent of Autism is linked to inherited genetic mutations. Having a sibling with Autism is the single most significant risk factor for developing autism. Additional significant increased risk factors for the development of autism include an older paternal age (dad’s 35+). Children of mothers living near a freeway, and traffic-related pollution, during the third trimester of pregnancy were twice as likely to develop ASD. Children of mothers with proteins, i.e. antibodies to fight infection, may interfere with their children’s brain development, possibly leading to autism.

As all of you likely know, contrasting to my previous experiences with Roman and Adrhianna, entirely different human versions of this younger Chelsea in her not just more youthful but also healthier bodies. Chelsea, as a 19-year-old freshman-undergraduate-nursing-student-self with Adrhi, and the eager-beaver-22-year-old soon-to-be new-nurse Chelsea with Roman. I had quite a complicated pregnancy and delivery with our sweet Finnley. These complications (in addition to Finnley’s male sex), unfortunately composed quite the laundry list. Before my pregnancy was confirmed around 3-5 weeks, my PCP was working me up for a GI condition. Around 6-8 weeks, after losing well over ten percent of my body weight, barely tipping the scales over 100 lbs., Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG, essentially severe morning sickness) was diagnosed.

HG, in addition to several episodes of pyelonephritis (kidney infection), way too many episodes of ER and urgent care trips to count for IV medication and fluid until home health was ordered and approved. Retrospection, with 20/20 vision of course, yielded many insights and undiscovered root causes. At that time what neither I nor my providers were aware of was that I was also suffering from an undiagnosed H. Pylori infection that was clearly only complicating all the matters, that had resulted in several, again at the time, unknown thus unhealed peptic ulcers to my stomach and duodenum, the first part of your small intestine. 

Our little Finn faced and overcame all the odds before he took hisown first official breath, just as I’ve been told his mama has as well😉 Situations resulting in oxygen deficiency to baby’s brain greatly increase one’s risk for the development of autism. Sadly, our scenario is a perfect example of what I meant by all right conditions at all the wrong times. Poor Finn experienced meconium aspiration syndrome which is where baby inhales their first stool into his or her lung while still in utero leading to additional complications/interventions. During my labor and delivery, we experienced late decelerations and decreased saturations resulting in deep suctioning and CPAP.Thank the Lord, all interventions were successful at bedside and Finn required NO NICU overnights!

To stay in the home with Finnley, allowing him to receive early intervention through our assigned Regional Center as well as speech and occupational therapies, I altered my graduate nursing journey studies permitting myself to primarily pursue the licensure component, pausing the scholarly project component (i.e. the doctoral dissertation) by transferring into a master’s program this past January. This has provided me with deep, deep reflection time. Time that has revealed thoughts that maybe, just maybe, the topic I initially thought I wanted to focus my doctoral studies upon isn’t the topic I may be planning to focus my doctoral studies upon afterall.

What the majority of you don’t know, however, is what I’m about to share next. With the help of a dear sweet soul literally placed into my life by the Lord as there is no other explanation, my Uncle Karl has also been working on Chelsea for quite some time as well. With the help of not just him of course but every single person reading this. As I learned from my own father at a very young age, it takes a village. He instilled in me the importance of community, the vitality of a strong support system. What I am oh so joy-filled to share next is that what I HAVE been able to do, is truly and finally, (because ALL THINGS are possible with Christ), is surrender things to the Lord I have spent many years holding onto. These things… hurt, pain, confusion, profound loss… They had me stuck. Kind of similar to how I’m learning ASD has Finn “stuck” (i.e.. fixating) sometimes in his attempt at effective communication, resulting in severe dysregulation and subsequent self-injurious behavior.

My stuck was different though. I refused to accept God’s timing. All the right factors came together at all the right times; they always have, and they always will. But I was so angry at God. I was angry at Him for what I felt had been my endurance of continued hardships and trauma. Chronic and complex trauma. BUT. God’s been working on Chelsea. He softened her heart after her years of prayers, hard-fought hallelujahs, and “how could you do this to me(s)?!” These WHYYYYYYYYY ME LORD(s)?!?!?! Emphasize the s at the end.

She is finally choosing to open up those beautiful, big brown eyes (as her dad always said), and choose to accept many fundamental truths. God’s always been on time. God’s never failed Chelsea, and He’s not starting now. But Chelsea is CERTAINLY DONE doing all the things her way because she has learned all the hard lessons in her time… after time… after time. She’s done making life harder for herself by continuing to choose her personal pattern of self-destructive choices. She’s done leaning on her own understanding. She’s really, really ready to choose to fully rest, unencumbered, in green meadows so she can more easily drink from peaceful streams. Because: it is well; peace like a river.

She’s leaning into her faith and trusting in His promises, that HE WORKS ALL THINGS FOR HER GOOD, IN HIS TIME. Not in Chelea’s time. In HIS TIME. And I’m saying it out loud finally, sharing it with all of you, to hold my self-accountable. Like I ask others to do. Like I ask my children to do. Because I want to foster the best parts of my dad who is now gone. The calm and caring giant who unfortunately isn’t here anymore to pass down his life lessons to my next generation. To our next generation.

Chelsea will choose to intentionally stop, out of spite, unintentionally gatekeeping Victor’s hard-earned wisdom that he is no longer able to directly share with her offspring, my contribution to society. In fact, my generous donations span two whole full generations, but you get my point. It also doesn’t mean Chelsea needs to refuse the blessings God is offering right in front of her in the form of the people he is placing into her life to help her. Another centrality Chelsea has accepted with her newly awakened mind, and widely opened eyes is SHE IS HERE! God keeps waking her up, day after day after day.

And she’s so incredibly, humbly grateful. She’s grateful to Him and she’s grateful TO ALL OF YOU!!! Thank you, friends and family! Thank you for taking the time to read this but more so, thank you for taking the time and energy you have, whether it be 36 years or 6 months of solid investments into my life. Into my children’s lives. Thank you for loving us and supporting us.

A special thanks to a few more people, too. My hubby. Not just for that 1 IV you had to put in that 1 time when all the nurses couldn’t get it! Hehehe. And to my kids, but not just for loving your brother as hard as you love yourselves. To my best friend, of a literal quarter century and counting. NOT just for standing beside this girl through all those pregnancies and life experiences mentioned above, whether it be in-person, waiting outside in the hallway due to her weak stomach or in spirit due to the thousands of miles of separation. To my other best friend of now going on 7 years… you know they say friendships that last 7 years lasts a lifetime, right? It’s officially too late!!! You’re stuck with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehehehe. Thank you for loving the true, authentic me, and my family. And lastly but certainly not of least: thank you, Karl. Thank you for choosing to step into the role of "bonus dad," for me and "bonus gradpa," for my kids.

Thank you, all of you, for loving me enough for helping me in my journey to learn to truly love myself. Thank you, for the continuous outpouring your love, energy and devotion into us, into our lives. WE LOVE you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am choosing to share my very personal story at this time in our lives, during World Autism Awareness month as I pray our story reaches and touches others in a seriously meaningful and impactful way. We want every day to be autism acceptance, and we will put in our time as we diligently prepare for our Autism Speaks Walk this December 30th, 2025, in Orange County, California!

If you’re someone reading this, and you don’t have someone close to you who may experience some of the above struggles I’ve shared, but you’d love to learn more, please consider checking out autismspeaks.org. When you see a stressed mama leaving the park with her “terrible 2 toddler” in full blown temper tantrum mode… Please know, this may not be what it seemingly appears. This may be a 2-year-old toddler who’s also on the spectrum, on top of experiencing normal 2-year-old struggles as he or she is also having a whole heap load of troubles that perhaps you have no idea about.

He or she may not be having a temper tantrum at all. If he or she is anything like our sweet Finn, who is perhaps throwing himself onto the ground and accidentally chips more of his front teeth every time his, despite all your best attempts and efforts and redirections and interventions. Maybe he is throwing toys at me. Maybe he’s throwing toys at YOU! LOL. Sorry, I didn’t’ mean to laugh out loud but I was just thinking how perhaps, it may be a little funny indeed if some of these toys were chucked at the head of someone who is not myself! He or she may be fully engaged in a sensory meltdown.

In the context of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), a sensory meltdown is an intense, involuntary response to overwhelming sensory or emotional input, often manifesting as a loss of control and behaviors like crying, screaming, or physical outbursts, rather than a deliberate attempt to manipulate a situation. Those noises you don’t hear… They’re not just annoying. They’re not just overstimulating. They’re OVERWHELMING. They’re frightening. And these people. And these lights. AHHHHHHH…… WAAAAAYYYYYYY too many people. Waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too bright. He’s now filled with feelings he doesn’t understand, and coping abilities that are so limited or completely unavailable or untapped into at all yet. Meltdowns can be seen as the body's "fight or flight" response to an overwhelming situation, where the person may react physically or emotionally. It may look like shutting down: Some autistic individuals may become completely unresponsive during a meltdown.

You know that small change in your schedule or your routine last Tuesday morning around 10:30 AM? Or maybe you don’t. Because you don’t struggle with difficulties in executive functioning, causing you difficulties and anxieties and challenges with minor disruptions to everyday plans? Or maybe you didn’t… Maybe your planning, your organization, your ability to be flexible and self-regulate your emotions is functioning at at least an average level. Maybe you don’t have these same deficits that impact your routines, your daily tasks and social interactions. Maybe you can’t relate, because maybe you do possess all the needed cognitive, psychological and behavioral skills, the aptitude and the abilities to effectively manage everything and everyone life throws at you on a consistent and unrelenting daily basis.

In the context of ASD, this could look like increased anxiety, stress, and behavioral challenges, as individuals with ASD rely on predictability and structure for a sense of security. Maybe visual support and clear instructions aren’t as vital for your everyday success as food and water are. Maybe checklists or step-by-step instructions to break down tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks aren’t needed for you to successfully complete your daily tasks. Maybe you don’t even consider a social interaction or encounter requiring any formal of verbal or non-verbal communication a “task” to begin with in the first place. BUT, here’s the hard reality, friends. Someone you know does. And they you’re your help.

Will you consider learning more about how to effectively support those in your families, and your communities, with ASD? Instead of living in a society, in a world, with kiddos with ASD being taught how to learn to effectively communicate with adults, how to effectively manage their behaviors in public settings… Will you consider being an adult who learns how to effectively communicate and interact with an individual with ASD living in your society, in your neighborhood, in your community? If nothing changes, nothing changes.

[royalsweetteaa]

Just like animals

Pairing: soft!dark!Bryce Langley x reader

GIF does not belong to me!

18+ ONLY | MINORS DNI

WARNING - The following fic contains: Explicit smut/CNC kink, dub-con, breeding kink, chase kink, breeding kink, pain kink, unprotected sex, primal sex, sex in the woods, discussion of rape/murder/death/dark themes, talk of AFAB female assault/sexism/disadvangages, childhood friends trope, spoiler of character, degradation.

Summary: You spend your summer vacation with your childhood friend, Bryce Langley, and learn about his new obsession of questioning morals which otherwise really shouldn’t be questioned. How will he respond when you put him to the test?

Another summer season, another month spending your vacation at the Osbourne mansion household. It became a tradition after Bryce first invited you during your early years of your childhood, and now he didn’t even have to call an invite because it was expected of you to come.

He was 2 years older than you, yet he admittedly liked your company a lot. He was also very protective of you, not wanting to share his drugs with you even if you begged to try some. He didn’t want to risk getting you addicted and surrounding yourself in a drug use environment, much like him. It was hypocritical, but he didn’t care.

He wanted to keep you safe, he had once shared.

You were walking around the woods while catching up. You have been walking for hours and it was getting dark, with only the moonlight to shine up the place. You didn’t go too deep in the forest as you didn’t want to dirty your new red summer dress which you wore for the day, so you were being careful of which path you were walking.

As you were on your way back, Bryce was telling you about something he had learned through documentaries, specifically those about the ishkanani indians he had borrowed from Finn, his new neighbor.

You were grossed out to learn of how the tribe lived and how different their morals were, but you weren’t surprised as you had heard some tribes were very ancient in their thinking, - almost having the same mindset of cavemen.

“What do you find so interesting about those documentaries anyway? I didn’t peg you as a guy interested in that kind of stuff.” You pointed out.

“I wasn’t. But you know me. I always find new things to peak my interest.” He said with a grin. “Their thinking intrigues me greatly. It makes me think of how we might have developed backwards when I learn how they work as people.”

You rolled your eyes, finding his claim to be ridiculous after everything he had told about this particular tribe. “I wouldn’t say not murdering and raping out of spite is moving backwards, Bryce.”

“Well, I would say that’s debatable.” He stated casually.

What?

“Excuse me? Debating if murder or rape is immoral isn’t even a question. It goes against people’s rights to live and the right over your own body. In what circumstance do you think that’s acceptable?” You asked, absolutely bewildered.

“Well for one, it’s nature. Animals do it all the time.” He argued.

You huffed. What a convincing argument, you thought sarcastically. “Yeah, but we’re not animals, are we? We have something called morals. Animals don’t even have the brains to wrap around such a concept. Some animals eat their own kids because they can, - or they need to for survival or whatever.”

“But we were animals at one point, no? We eat, we hunt, we fuck, we reproduce. Why is it that we draw the line for the two other? I’m not saying it’s acceptable, but…it’s still a primal urge.”

You looked at him with furrowed eyebrows of concern and decided to walk past his agonizingly slow pace. You wanted to get back to the mansion.

“You’re making me feel very uncomfortable, Bryce. Why do you always feel the need to bring up weird discussions, only this time it’s wether or not rape or murder is exceptional? It’s like for each year I spend my summer here, you disturb me with your train of thought. I don’t feel safe with you anymore.”

“Oh Y/N, come on. Look, I’m sorry.” He said with little sincerity. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I’m just fascinated by it! Questioning morals isn’t illegal last time I checked.” He said sarcastically in a humored manner.

You ignored him as you continued walking the long path back out of the forest and to the mansion.

Though anyone should be feeling threatened by this kind of thought process, you weren’t afraid of Bryce. You were only disappointed and felt a sense of betrayal.

How could someone think like this? Where was this all coming from?

Then again, you weren’t too surprised. The closest you could recall to Bryce being somewhat of a psycho was when he at 6 years old admitted to you who was 4 that he had captured and killed a bird by continuously knocking it down with a stone.

It was inevitable for him to have some psychopathic traits when he at such a young age lacked empathy for killing an animal. Still, you stuck around of being his friend because…

Well, you were still figuring that part out. He was otherwise funny, charming, and his flirting made you feel things you haven’t felt for any other guy before. Did all that make up for his questionable mindset?

You weren’t sure.

“I mean think about it; In some tribes, they follow instincts that hasn’t been developed since many thousand years ago. They are a perfect example of how before we even had the concept of a society, we had a hunger to follow. An urge that we all deep down have in us but have learned to suppress because we grew too soft, - we’re scared to put people in their places by letting that natural hunger loose.” Bryce continued with his ramble, not noticing your distraught state as he followed you.

“Bryce, I don’t want to listen to this, -!”

“You can’t tell me you’ve never had intrusive thoughts. It’s not something we get from out of nowhere, it’s so obvious they’re from our instincts, - Instincts to assert dominance, or gain respect -!”

“Bryce!” You cut him off with frustration and turned around to see his face of awe. “You’re a grown man who since birth developed strengthened muscles, - muscles of which I have to train for to get because of my biology. You have the power to kill me with your bare hands. I don’t, unless you’re in a weakened state. Do you know how unfair and horrific it would be for me, a biological female, to be living in a society which lets biological men commit such things? We have no upper hand. We never have. Do you really think that’s fair? Would you be okay if a man sexually assaulted me because he had by your own words, ‘natural urges to follow’?”

Bryce was stunned, but not too much as he clearly was finding himself being rather ignorant for not taking it to account.

“You’re right. I apologize, I never meant to say you or any women deserves that-!”

“It’s not much about what I said either. Rape is rape and murder is murder, - and it is wrong regardless of gender, but I don’t see how you thought discussing this with me was any good idea. It’s threatening. I already have to be cautious while walking in empty streets alone. Don’t make me feel unsafe with you around too when we are in the woods, late at night.” You said without looking at him anymore.

“I didn’t…- I didn’t think of that. I’m so sorry, okay?” You weren’t halting your steps and Bryce decided to jog up to you when you were a distance ahead and have you stop so he could talk with honesty. “Y/N, listen. — I would literally fucking kill anyone who did that to you if that happened, Y/N. I swear to god I would. I would kill myself before I ever thought of doing these things to you. You need to believe me when I say that, Y/N.”

You didn’t really know what to say as you took in his words, so Bryce continued. “I’m sorry I even, -…I don’t know why, I’ve just been so absorbed with those documentaries Finn showed me. It got me thinking about stuff…” he said.

He was self aware of his stumbling of words but he couldn’t find the right ways of explaining it.

Bryce was aware he was different. He clearly had a mindset that no one seemed to understand nor have the patience to learn about. The amount of strange looks he would get when telling a statement made him feel annoyed, - sometimes even superior.

He considers himself to be an intellectual, one to think out of the box, - but he knew he went too far with this one. He knew he had once again been too absorbed for his own good.

You sighed, and looked down at your feet. Bryce remained silent while awaiting for your reply, hoping you would say something.

While rising your head up to look at him again, you said, “I know you too well to know you aren’t convinced you’re wrong unless it’s tested. -

- So let’s test it.”

Bryce’s eyebrows furrowed but he let you take his hands in yours and guide them around your neck.“Tighten your grip around my neck, Bryce.” You ordered. His eyes widened, not sure of where this was going. He only squeezed lightly, but it was enough to hold his hands there. His breath turned shallow, and you could see fire behind his eyes, though you couldn’t read him properly.

“Now listen to your ‘primal thoughts’, - whatever you call them. What are they telling you right now?”

Bryce gulped and his low breathing became uneven. He was at loss of words, not sure of where you wanted this to head at.

“Do you want to kill me?” You asked sternly, straight to the point.

You let go of his hands and let Bryce have his grip on your neck remain. You were calm internally, but your body didn’t align to that composure. You were shivering, both from the late night cold and the current crucial moment that would determine Bryce’s sanity. You both shared a dead serious look as you awaited for Bryce’s next move.

He stared at you up and down, from your eyes to where he held you. It made him realize how small your neck was as he held you there with his huge hands. He really had much power than he realized he had, and he felt guilty. Guilty that if he squeezed tighter and held your body up with your feet off the ground, you wouldn’t be able to do anything other than accept your fate to die, - unless you were a black belt in karate or something. Maybe then you would have a chance to get off his grip, but that would still require years of training, —

— The point was; You were right. It was unfair. He could for once admit he was a fool for thinking the world would be better if it was allowed, - If acting like savages would strengthen humanity and himself.

He let go, fixed up your collar of your dress where he had gripped at and stroked both of your shoulders carefully, with a cheeky smile growing on his face.

“No…I don’t want to kill you. Like I said, I would never do that to you,….only thing I’ve learned from this is I would most definitely kill for you, bambi.”

Your eyebrow narrowed, “Is that so?” You asked slyly. You couldn’t tell if he was serious or not, but that was just who Bryce was. He was a man with a dissimilar mind, -a mind no one could understand but you were learning and wanted to learn more.

Because as it turned out, you loved him no matter how unhinged or deranged he was. You had taken it upon yourself to be his guardian, one to guide him. You had done a fairly good job so far. Why stop here?

You smiled, and placed both of your hands on his cheeks, moving him down to your level. You placed a kiss on his cheek, to which made him wrap his arms around you appreciatively. You continued to kiss his other cheek and lastly his nose before you pulled your face away to study his face. Your eyes fell down to his broad chest, stroking him there a few times to feel him a little.

He caught onto your interest in his body, and he chuckled, “My urges are telling me something else right now though.”

“And what’s that, Bryce?” You asked innocently.

His cheeky look turned darker, and your breath hitched in your throat as you witnessed Bryce’s mind turning wicked before you.

“…I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you real bad.”

Your mouth was left open out of surprise and with an added new-coming arousal. You decided to palm his crotch while biting your lip, his groan of surprise was like music to your ears.

“You do, huh? You wanna stick your cock and go deep inside of me?” You asked seductively.

“Fuck yes, I do.” Bryce replied through a husky whisper. As he was going to grope your ass, you removed yourself from him, leaving him hard.

“That’s too bad, Bryce. Because I don’t want to.” You said, and took a few steps back. “But, I won’t have a choice if you follow your urges either way, will I?” You asked with a teasing wink.

Bryce was left confused as you ran off and took a narrow right to a side path which lead deeper into the forest.

Where were you going? He questioned first. Then, as he processed your words, it clicked.

You were playing a game. A very dangerous game.

His face darkened, and he licked his lips while he saw the last of your shadow scouring through the dark woods. “Oh, you don’t know what you have gotten yourself into, bambi.” He said, more to himself as he began to walk.

His walking quickly turned into jogging, - to straight up sprinting. Before he knew it, he was running down the narrow path, dodging overgrown branches as he scanned for the bright red colour of your dress in the dark forest.

“Come out, little red riding hood.” He called out, almost singing it with a tune. “The big bad wolf just wants to talk.”

He heard a light giggle in the area, and he knew you you were close. Very close.

“You’re so fucked once I find you…” Bryce said out of amusement.

He didn’t continue the path as he knew he would have caught up to you by now. You were hiding here.

Somewhere.

Bryce has never been so aroused in his life. He knew for a long time you were perfect for him. But this? The chase, the awaiting climax of finally catching you was turning him feral, - he hopes you are prepared for his wrath.

“You better come out now and tell me to stop because when I find you, I’m going to hold you down and abuse your cunt with my fat dick, you hear me?” He shouted as he walked through the crowded trees and bushes.

He heard a strained squeal from you straight ahead, which was when he saw the red fabric of your dress sticking out behind a tree.

Game over.

You held your breath as you heard the rustling noises of leaves getting crunched was approaching closer. The adrenaline rush made your ears be filled with the sound of your heart beat so loud.

It went quiet for a few moments, and you thought you had maybe gotten away with being caught.

You were proven wrong when you looked to the side, and saw Bryce was standing right above you. He let out the breath he had held and pounced on you before you could make a move.

“Gotcha..” he muttered as he held you down with his body on top of yours, your stomach meeting the ground as his legs trapped down yours.

“No Bryce, please don’t fuck me! I don’t wanna!” You whined playfully. You tried to wrestle him off, with little efforts.

It was obvious you were playing an act as he could see your smile through the darkness.

“Fucking whore. Pretending like I’m forcing myself on you. I bet you’re getting off from this, aren’t you?” He said, while tearing off your stockings. “I sure do.”

He hoisted your dress up and carelessly dragged down your underwear down, satisfied when he saw glistening wetness on your cunt. He wet his lips with the use of his tongue and shoved a finger inside of your pussy, trying to gather as much of your juice on his fingers as possible.

You mewled and whimpered from the lack of gentleness, but you didn’t mind. If anything, you were growing lustful from his manhandling.

Maybe it was fucked up to be enjoying this, but you couldn’t help yourself. You trusted him. He knew you did, and he trusted you in return, which you believed mattered the most for this to work. You wanted him to take you the way he wanted to.

“You’re dripping, bambi…you’re a bigger slut than I thought you are. I always thought you were a prude, but it’s true what they say, isn’t it? The ones who deny liking sex are usually the kinkiest.”

You moaned in response, your vocabulary leaving your mind as you took in the feeling of Bryce’s intrusive, thick fingers working inside of you.

“I don’t think I need to prep you more, baby. You’re wet enough as it is, and you like it rough anyway, don’t you?” He asked, not expecting an answer as he removed his fingers off your cunt and sucked off your juices with his mouth.

His other hand was still forcing your back to remain on the ground as he unzipped and took out his cock from his pants and boxers. You peeked by turning your head behind slightly to see him, - his cock being fully erect and throbbing with precum forming in pearls on his tip.

He held around your stomach and got your ass to rise up so he could finally insert himself on his waist level.

“Aaah fuuuck,” Bryce groaned while he forced himself without warning inside your throbbing heat. “What a tight fuckhole…so delicious.”

You cried out, feeling the painful invasion but you couldn’t help but thrive with it. He was so big, bigger than you have ever let inside of you. You were a virgin all over again with his size.

He didn’t wait a second to plunge his cock inside of you, already going at a fast pace as he breathed heavily from the sensation. It was almost desperate, - imitating a feral animal finally catching its mate to fulfill the purpose of breeding before the mate pulled an escape attempt.

“You’re my breeding bitch now, bambi. Going to fill up that pussy with my cum and watch it leak out of you.” He stated through occasionally nibbling on your ear.

Dizziness took over you as Bryce just took what he wanted of your body. You were overwhelmed with pleasure and need of a release.

“Oh, my goodness-!” You choked out a moan as you felt Bryce’s one hand work on your clit.

“Oh my goodness, indeed.” Bryce taunted, while continuing his abuse on your clit with harsh strokes of his index finger. “You should be thankful I put extra effort in pleasuring you. I’m only doing it because you’re special to me…”

The built up pressure of his cock pounding inside of you and his hand working on your clit was making you close to your climax, and you could tell he was getting close too by his grunts.

“Do you feel me in your tummy, bambi? You feel how fuckin’ deep I am inside of you?”

Your arms were giving up on holding up your upper body, and your chin soon met the fresh grass to rest your head on as Bryce did the work for the both of you. “Fuuuck yess, I feel you, Bryce! Oooh, please don’t stop!”

A few more harsh thrusts, and you both were getting washed over with a wave of your climaxes.

“M’going to fucking cum. Aaaah, take my fucking load,…shit!” Bryce moaned through a gasp as he released deep inside of you.

“M’cumming too, Bryce! Ooohh, fuck!” You moaned, feeling his cum warm your body and drip out with your release combined. You tightened around him, and it made him feel everything. He wanted to feel it for a few more moments.

“Stay still. Keep me nice and warm for a little more. I want to savor this feeling…”

You hummed, appreciating the warmth of Bryce’s body on top of you in contrast to the ground your stomach laid on.

He soon after pulled out and removed his weight off you, his tip leaking with your combined juices while making you turn around so he can see what he has longed to view.

He saw with each breath you let out, more cum leaked out of your sore pussy. “That’s a pretty sight there.” Bryce rasped, the image hypnotizing him.

After you were brought back to reality. “Shit, my new dress is all dirty…” you complained while standing up with the help of Bryce, brushing off as much as you could get off.

“That’s what happens when we fuck on literal dirt, bambi. I’ll bring a blanket from now on, knowing this is how a walk in the woods can get us.” He said with a chuckle, putting his cock back in the briefs of his boxers and zipped up his pants.

After putting your panties on and removed your ruined stocking, you walked back to the main path silently and carried on your way to the mansion with your hands folded together.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked out of curiosity.

You giggled and looked anywhere but at Bryce out of shyness. “I just can’t believe we did that.”

He frowned, not sure of what you were insinuating. “Do you regret it?”

You shook your head, dismissing his assuming question. “No. Not at all. You should be very thankful I’m on birth control though. You will have to use a condom if there will be a next time.”

He scoffed, “A condom? Now that’s just cruel. Thought we would keep it primal and continue fucking raw.” He said while flickering his lighter. You hadn’t picked up on him getting a cigar out of his pocket, but you digressed. “And what do you mean by ‘if’? You sealed your fate of being wrapped around my finger the moment I caught you behind that tree, bambi. You’re mine to keep, cuddle and fuck.”

You rolled your eyes at his crude way of saying ‘you’re mine’. “Is it too much of you to ask if I could be your girlfriend?”

He laughed as he lit up his cigar and breathed in the toxic and addicting smoke. Once he breathed it out of his nose, he held out an arm to wrap around you close, which made you pay attention to his face as he grinned at you.

“Okay, let me ask you out properly in my way; would you do the honors of being the chief’s mate of the Osbourne tribe?”

You laughed with a nod, slipping in a response of, “Sure.”

“Then let’s settle it with our very own ritual…” he held the cigar between your space and instructed the following, “Breathe it in when I breathe it out, okay?”

He inhaled the smoke once he placed the cigar between his lips, and leaned in to kiss you with an open mouth and he breathed out the smoke into your mouth.

You reluctantly breathed it in with shut eyes as the smoke was stronger than you were prepared for, but you had enough self control to take it.

Once he detached his lips from yours, you breathed it out and had to ruin the moment by letting out a few coughs. Your throat was dry, and though you were embarrassed of how less smooth the moment carried out, Bryce’s lighthearted laughter only made it humorous.

“There you go,…you did well. Welcome to my tribe, bambi.”

Note from author: For the people who haven’t watched ‘fierce people’, — Wait till you realize this isn’t really a ‘dark version’ of Bryce but just him. 💀

Hearts & Reblogs are very appreciated! <3

[l-r-christian]

Title: 'Tied to one' part four

Summary: The siblings had learned that a witch had rewrote their soul strings mean while Mikael had went after Freya and Y/N as Hayley's misdeeds are undone. Would the siblings forgive her? Or lose Elijah forever?

Warnings: Angst like a lot of it, Angry Mikaelsons. Loss of a unborn child, Violence, Y/N being a badass

A/N: I noted that I kinda made this part every long too. So it makes me wonder do guys like it when I do long parts when doing series? Let me know ☺

Elijah and Klaus kept Hayley close as they walked though the Ninth ward and they couldn't help but notice it was quite. Then they heard screaming and smelled burning of wood and they went to see what was happening with the witches as they hadn't done a trial in so long.

"They are doing a witch trial." Rebekah whispered as they watched witches dragging out another witch that crying and Hayley knew who the witch as she was the one that did the spell that rewrote the soul string.

"Please, don't do this! Please, I beg of the Ancestors! I don't want to die!" The witch shouted as they tied the sobbing witch to a stake. And Elijah held Hayley back from rushing forward to try and save the witch.

"Hayley, we not stop this. Davina is Regent and we agreed to not enter witches affairs."

"Regent, her rights?"

"Annilse for rewriting soul strings and going against the Ancestors. Your punishment is death as you have brought danger to all Nine covens. Your last words?" Davina asked holding up a torch of fire as the witch swallowed her sobs and decided if she was going down she was taking Hayley with her.

"Yes, my Regent. Hayley Marshall, Queen and Alpha of Crescent wolf pack had me do the spell for her own personal gain! The Original soulmate is a witch!" The witch cried out shocking the witches and they whispered among themselves as Elijah let Hayley go. A heartbreak settled over the siblings as Hayley looked at them teary eyed the sound of a burning witch echoed out and the thought of this witch dying because of Hayley hit the siblings with guilt at slowly crawled up their backs.

"She is lying."

"Hayley, we have lived long enough to know that one on their death bed has no reason to lie. Once we find our mother you will explain yourself." Elijah said rather coldly walking pass the female hybrid as the others glared at her following Elijah.

At the Abattoir Freya was helping Y/N with spell to find out what was wrong with her soul strings as both were getting along. Freya found the young witch adorable believe she was a good fit for Finn as they bonded over her possible niece or nephew that Y/N carried.

"It seems my soul string to Finn is pure but it is also saying the other four."

"Impossible, Hayley is their soulmate." Freya said frowning looking over Y/N's shoulder looking at the paper seeing the names of her siblings written our elegantly.

"I knew something was wrong but this magic is to much for me to reverse." Y/N said as Freya smiled taking her hand.

"Don't worry I'll fix it for you, dear Y/N."

"NIKLAUS! Come out a face, you mistake of a man!" Y/N and Freya heard Mikael yell as the witches looked at one another before headed out to the catwalk seeing the vampire standing there. Mikael looked up seeing the witches smirking at them which made Y/N shiver at his dark look.

"Ah my traitorous daughter and the tainted soulmate. Niklaus left you both unprotected."

"I am not a traitor for protecting my siblings from you father. I don't need Nik to protect us." Freya said glaring at her father as Y/N swallowed watching Freya use her magic against Mikael. It was a bloody fight with Freya drawing the most blood from Mikael as Y/N watched Freya fall feeling drained.

"Y/N run!" Freya shouted as the witch didn't need to be told twice and took off running with Mikael close behind. Y/N yelped feeling Mikael grab her by the neck and the witch stabbed his side fighting back as much as she could.

"So the abomination is having another child? How much would it kill him to lose you both?" Mikael said having pinned Y/N to the floor as her heart raced unable to speak as the vampire had his hand around her thoat. Panic and fear filled Y/N feeling Mikael's hand on her abdomen making her struggle to get free when pain shot though her as she let out a pain fill scream and Freya trying to make her way to them both.

"Shame to lose something so lovely."

"Shame....you'll....be enslaved.....monster." Y/N coughed up blood and before Mikael could kill her. The witch smashed a small bottle against the vampire's head and said a quick spell under her breath as Mikael fell over unconscious then rolled over whimpering curling into herself trying to stop the bleeding.

"I can't believe you!" Rebekah growled angrily as they entered the Abattoir unable to find Esther and Hayley was about to apologize again but Elijah stopped her seeing Freya up on the catwalk hurt. The scent of blood hit their noses as Elijah bit into his wrist to heal Freya.

"Y/N......father.....witch room." Freya rasped out before letting Elijah heal her while both Finn and Klaus rushed to the room seeing the two. Mikael was still unconscious as Y/N was curled in a ball crying and Finn went went to his soulmate while Klaus went to Mikael.

"Darling, shhhhh I'm here here now."

"I'm sorry.....I tried." Y/N whimpered burying her face in Finn's neck as both him and Klaus couldn't hear the second heartbeat and realized what she meant.

"Get her clean up brother. I'll take care of this."

A moments later with everyone cleaned up and Freya explained what happened and what she heard. Y/N had her abdomen wrapped with bandage and dressed in one of Finn's shirts as she walked into the den and the rest of Mikaelson was taken back seeing her with a fire in her gorgeous eyes when she walked in.

Mikael stood growling angry at the witch that got of him and surprised to see his second oldest following behind her then moved to attacked the witch to try to use her to get out before anyone could stop him.

"Kneel!" Y/N commanded glaring at the vampire as right away Mikael fell onto one knee shocking the others. Y/N stood in front of Mikael with fiery eyes as to the siblings it was the look of a Queen and to Klaus this was the woman he could see hisself waging a war for.....his true Queen.

"What have you done, witch?"

"My grandmother's old command spell. It only works on vampires and as long as I have this mark," Y/N raised her hand showing what looked like a tattoo of a chain attached to a moon as the same mark was on Mikael's hand, "you cannot hurt me and follow every order I give."

"My my spoken like a true Queen there, love." Klaus says smirking walking behind her placing his hands on her shoulders leaning close to her ear looking at Mikael with a glint in his blue eyes. Klaus was enjoying this a little too much as the others stood by watching.

"Now what does the Queen wish to do?"

"Tell him the truth about the baby." Y/N's words made Klaus smirk darkly looking at Mikael before letting Finn help her sit down and now Mikael was confused as Finn fuzzed over the small witch.

"Well dear father, the baby belonged to Finn here. As it appears that real soulmates are able to have children with vampires." Klaus said still smirking as Mikael look at an angry Finn with a apologetic look on his face as Elijah stepped behind their father snapping his neck letting the body fall.

"He'll come in handy to find mother. Now Hayley what poor dear Annilse said before her death." Klaus said looking at the female hybrid as Freya and Y/N looked confused.

"What is going on?"

"Hayley here had a witch rewrite our soul strings because she wanted Elijah." Kol said as the witches looked at Hayley who looked away ashamed and Y/N stood up teary eyed.

"You took everything from me just so you could have something that wasn't yours?"

"I loved Elijah away before you did! I deserved him no......" Hayley was cut off by Y/N slapping her shocking everyone. Hot tears fell freely down Y/N's face as she glared at Hayley who was holding her cheek. The soul strings that connected the witch to the siblings sparked with color was stronger this time but died out.

"I lost my baby! Finn lost a chance to be a father all because of you! You took everything away from them all because you weren't happy! And I hope you fucking burn." Y/N said leaving the den with Finn following after to comfort her.

"You got an innocent witch killed and my brother lost his child because you loved Elijah? How dare you, Hayley." Freya said walking out to check on Y/N leaving the female hybrid with the other four Mikaelsons. Elijah couldn't look at Hayley as his heart ached and blamed hisself for it all even though it really wasn't his fault and Rebekah covered her mouth as her own tears wetting her cheeks as Kol sat next to her comforting her.

"I'm sorry, if I know this would hap...."

"You wouldn't have done it? If you truly loved Elijah, you would have let him happy like he had done when you married Jackson." Klaus said watching Elijah leave then followed after because he knew guilt was eating away at his brother. Both Rebekah and Kol left also leaving Hayley alone as Mikael wike having heard everything.

"I may be a monster but I wouldn't have never hurt any of my children the way you have hurt Elijah."

Elijah stood in the doorway seeing Y/N laying in bed and swallowing his fear the Original walked inside and sat on the edge of the bed his back to her. Elijah was unable to look at her as his guilt ate away at him. The vampire jumped feeling the witch grab his hand and looked seeing that she laced their fingers together.

"Please don't blame yourself."

"I'm sorry.... I can't help it. I keep wondering if I had just kept my distance from her....to wait for you. Maybe you wouldn't be hurting." Elijah said voice cracking from unshed tears as Y/N rolled onto her back shifting to hold Elijah feeling tears hit her shoulder making her heart break hearing Elijah cry silently into her neck.

"Shhh Eli, I don't blame you." Y/N whispered rubbing his back seeing Finn standing in the doorway and watched him walk in. Finn placed a hand on his brother's back as he sat on the bed while Finn was taken back to when they were children how Elijah looked up to his big brother being comforted by the older Mikaelson when Mikael got to rough with the boy. Both Y/N and Finn calmed Elijah easing his blame away while Freya sat with Davina to undo the spell Hayley had done.

"I can't believe Hayley would do such a thing." Rebekah said huddled in Kol's arms as he was comforting his baby sister still angry that Hayley would do such a thing more so the price of the spell cost an innocent witch's life and Finn's unborn child all because the woman loved Elijah.

"The guilt Elijah will be carrying will crush him." Kol said softly feeling the bed dip with Klaus's weight as their older brother lay a comforting arm over the both.

"Both Finn and Y/N are easing his guilt away."

Morning sunlight shined into the bedroom waking Elijah feeling a body on him making him freeze then relaxed catching Y/N's scent as realized that Hayley wasn't in the bed. Y/N woke yawned and Finn woke also leaning over kissing the witch's head then ruffled Elijah's hair making the noble vampire smile at the familiarly.

"Morning boys." Y/N muttered sitting up with Elijah's help and she frowned feeling the knots in her hair realizing she hadn't wrapped her hair.

"Shower darling, Elijah will help you with your hair." Finn says helping her out of help bed as the sound of everyone moving around reached them. Elijah felt a twinge of familiarly as he did Y/N's hiar helping her put it up into two buns then Elijah helped her get dressed seeing her flinching due to her wound.

"Elijah." Hayley croaked out as the vampire paused seeing the hybrid in Y/N's doorway, Hayley looked a bit like a mess her eyes red and puffy from crying. Elijah looked away from Hayley, his heart squeezing in pain but felt Y/N rub his hand with her thumb.

"I'm going to see Freya and Davina." Y/N said softly leaving the room glaring at Hayley as she passed the hybrid. Hayley moved towards Elijah only for the Original to step back from her and pain flashed in Hayley's eyes looking up at Elijah.

"Elijah....I'm sorry....I didn't....."

"You didn't think this would happen? Hayley, you know more than anyone that all magic comes with a price " Elijah tells Hayley looking at her and Hayley saw the heart break on Elijah's face.

"I....just didn't think this was the price....Elijah, I just wanted you back."

"I'm sorry Hayley....I can't." Elijah says walking pass her not even looking at the woman as fresh tears fell down her face.

"So how do we undo the spell? Also why didn't affect Finn's soul string with Y/N?" Kol asked as everyone was in the room while the three witches stood by a bowl.

"Finn was dead when you met her so the spell couldn't undo their soul string as for undoing the spell. We need your blood then Y/N here to say the spell to unwritten it." Davina explained as everyone did as told then watched the ash gray strings burst with color. The siblings looked at Y/N as everything came back to them.

Rebekah was the first to move hugging Y/N who hugged back as Kol came up behind her hugging them both. Kol buried his face in her neck taking in the witch's scent. Once everyone settled down, they focus on looking for Esther. Mikael had his arms crossed watching his children working out what to do more so how Klaus wanted to make sure that the girls wouldn't get hurt.

"Can I help?" Hayley asked getting the sibling's attention before Klaus allowed her to join as Elijah was cold to her while talking about how to stop Esther. Hayley watched from outside of the gate as the siblings made sure that Y/N and Freya was going to be safe.

"I will be with them. I'll watch over them." Mikael said as the siblings looked at him then left with Hayley. In the den Y/N was writing out a spell in her grimoire as Mikael stood by as Freya stopped watching him.

"I wanted to apologize even though there is no way to undo what I have don. But I was told by Esther that you were the bast....Niklaus's soulmate but I am slowly learning that my anger is driving my children away." Mikael tells Y/N as she looked up at the older vampire seeing he was sincere.

"Thank you, Mikael." Y/N said softly as the vampire sat next to her and Freya smiled walking in with tea and the three enjoyed the quiet. There was a crash and Y/N didn't have to use her command seal as Mikael was quick to protect the witches. It was undead hybrids that Klaus had killed back in Mystic Falls as Y/N and Freya set up spells to help Mikael. When the siblings came home to see Mikael dragging dead bodies as Y/N and Freya was burning the bodies.

"What happen?!"

"Our mother sent your dead hybrids to kill us well more like father."

"You survived Mikael." Esther said glaring at her husband as Mikael glared back as the siblings saw how their father hid Y/N behind him.

"And you almost killed my children's soulmate."

"Since when did you care for the little wench?" Esther said glaring at Y/N believing the little witch stole Finn from her. Mikael growled ready to kill the Original witch when she suddenly fell and Klaus stood smirking.

"Enough of that. Shall we get mother's coffin Elijah?"

"We shall Niklaus." Elijah said smirking seeing the dagger in Esther's back. After placing Esther in a coffin and Freya placed many spells on it so it could never open they placed the coffin behind a brick wall and sealed it up.

"Shall we have a ball? I believe we deserve to celebrate." Klaus said smirking as his siblings chuckled agreeing with him before setting in the den feeling oddly comfortable around Mikael as they planned a ball.

[proud-mama-joyce]

Mike, El, and “inevitable” love

A newly released interview with Finn and Millie has been making the rounds today, in which they discuss the future of Mike and El’s relationship in the show at one point:

I don’t view one interview as definitive given the wider context of Byler, but that’s a discussion for another day. This post is more of a reflection than a persuasive argument. I’m in the mood for a kitchen table talk, but feel free to scroll along if that’s not your cup of tea.

Some people who know me on here know that I went through a tough breakup last year. It was a long relationship—one where we grew into ourselves together, encouraging and floundering and leaning on each other during many of the most stressful experiences of our lives up to this point. Its dissolution left a lot of shattered dreams for the future in its wake.

We loved each other. And we still love each other, but in a new way, as close platonic friends. It was a challenge to make that shift, but it was one we were both committed to making.

The thing is, while going through that transition in our relationship, I realized how few examples I had of our end goal. How rarely that story gets told. I understand why, too—the beginnings of romance are the stuff of stories; who wants to stick around to witness a lovers-to-best-friends aftermath? Doesn’t that mean it was a mistake, a waste of the years spent together, a roadblock on the path to finding the One True Love? Once the romance is gone, shouldn’t it all turn sour?

Oddly, I found myself drawing from some of the same lessons I learned while coming to terms with my sexuality years earlier. Trust your feelings over others’ expectations. What everyone thinks doesn’t determine how you feel. Who cares if they think it’s unnatural, or doomed, or strange? The parallels were surprising, forcing me to reflect on how much my expectations had been culturally shaped to feel that the only options were A) continue the romantic relationship or B) sever all major ties with each other. And we decided: no. Those weren’t the only options. Our relationship wasn’t a waste; it was a valued part of our lives. It didn’t have to turn sour. Also, a salvaged loving friendship now didn’t mean that there was something inauthentic about the love that came before.

(Sidenote: I realize I am lucky in a way. The decision to be friends with someone you once loved romantically is a complicated and personal one, and my ex and I happened to agree that working toward that outcome was healthy for us. I don’t mean to speak for anyone else’s relationship by sharing my own experiences.)

All of this is to say, Finn’s comments in particular in the above interview resonated with my recent experiences (whether or not his intent was to discuss a romantic endgame for M*leven), which in turn cause me to reflect on our expectations as viewers. Describing how Mike feels about El, Finn says that “…it’s like air or anything…they’re a part of your life. You can’t just pretend it never happened.” I can’t know his full intent with those comments, given that they were said in the context of a spoiler-free interview. All I will say is that they are consistent with how I view someone who was by my side during a pivotal period of my life, even though it’s no longer a romantic relationship. They were there; they’re still around; it happened. It was easy to see that they’d still be there, once I ignored what I thought to expect. Millie’s comments ring true to me here as well: her description of their relationship as a marriage “with no option for divorce” reminds me of the underlying feeling of inevitability: We’re important to each other, and we both know it. This relationship is in my life to stay. My error was mistaking that feeling of inevitability for a belief that my relationship couldn’t change in a major way (i.e., shift to be platonic). I wouldn’t be surprised if two trauma-bonded teens struggled with the same concept if they valued their relationship while discovering romantic incompatibilities.

Mike and El, I would argue, do love each other. The depth of that love may not reach as far as some other relationships on the show just yet due to their amount of time together, but it has time to grow. As Finn and Millie described, they are bonded, mutually indebted, and are significant figures in each other’s lives. From a Byler perspective, though, I can see how it’s tempting to downplay their relationship: how genuine can their intentions be if they’re not Meant For Each Other, or if they’re starting to question their roles? But—is it a bad thing if their relationship deepens before they understand that it’s platonic? If they’re ultimately wrong about the type of love they share, does that mean any act of love for the other is flawed or dishonest in that context? I don’t think so. Discussions of shipping can understandably lean towards those kinds of simplifications because of the comparisons that are made between multiple relationships. However, I think it’s important to keep in mind that a relationship can still exhibit authentic love even while undergoing a gradual shift in perspective.

But when have we seen characters continue a happily platonic bond after a longstanding romantic one is over? Very rarely, at least in my media experiences. I think that’s another variable clouding the discussion here: we expect, based on other media and storytelling, that a relationship that deepens after being defined as romantic will then need to continue to be romantic, or else break down entirely.

Stranger Things frequently critiques our societal expectations for interpersonal relationships. I, for one, would be very satisfied to see this romance-or-bust dynamic turned on its head in the show with M*leven if the writers move in this direction. (Steve and Nancy too, for that matter, based on their shot from the recent trailer.) Mike and El could portray a moving example of how romantic incompatibility doesn’t have to accompany blatant toxicity. How romance lost doesn’t have to mean a relationship dissolved. How people can grow and experience new depths to their love after, or even during, the process of redefining it as platonic.

The writers have a lot of potential here to break some ground not only with Byler, but with close, meaningful platonic relationships that survive beyond a romantic label. I really look forward to seeing how they handle it.

[pot-of-terv]

Disclaimer: This starts soft but very quickly goes to a place I did NOT expect it to go so, just, be prepared. I guess there were some things my muse just couldn’t leave untouched :_D There’s also an additional drawing in there somewhere among the text. The ending is kind of a cliffhanger (dun dun duuun... part three is coming!!) but it’s happy (hurt/comfort y’all, MY BRAND)!

Also I have to say- oh my goodness this ended up having over 2,000 words and I’ve never written a fic this long! This feels pretty amazing but also, very scary, because as you know I’m a Finn so English is not my first language and this far I’ve stuck to just writing itty bitty things. Writing a story with multiple parts is also new to me, so wow, actually, thank you PuzzleJune for making me challenge myself in fresh and exciting ways 🥺

tw: breakdown

PuzzleJune2021, Week Two: Space (Quiet)

It is mesmerising. Intoxicating, even, Atem muses as he reaches up to rub his own sleep-soft face, eyes never leaving the still sleeping figure beside him. He shifts to lay on his side, slowly, with deliberate movements, trying to not disturb the quiet of the early morning.

Watching him sleep like this... I can feel the bed move when he moves and his warmth whenever he's close enough. I never had that before, he thinks and his heart clenches. I have it now.

Yuugi snorts in his sleep and Atem can't help but smile. That boy... no, that young man, has been through so much, too much, and yet he still sleeps so soundly. It's nothing short of incredible and the pharaoh wonders if he's ever met anyone more deserving of respect and admiration. Their journey thus far has only lasted for a couple of years and during that short time, the former spirit of the Millenium Puzzle has had the first-row seat to witnessing Yuugi's strength, his growth - how he slowly but surely had begun to trust himself.

Atem turns his gaze away from Yuugi and mulls over that thought. It hurts him somewhere deep in his core to remember how little worth Yuugi had seen in himself during those first months after Atem's consciousness awakened. He touches his chest where his heart is and leaves his hand there, feeling the slow rhythm beating under his palm.

That feeling of self-doubt could as well be his own, for he did think he was Yuugi for a while back then. It's a troubling realisation and he frowns at the ceiling. Despite not having any memories, how many of those insecurities had been Atem's own that he subconsciously reflected towards Yuugi's heart and by doing so unknowingly meddled with Yuugi's self-image as a whole? Objectively he knows that his emergence helped Yuugi gain confidence even though he didn't remember those first few times Atem took his place, but subjectively...? Atem's brows knit tighter together and he balls the hand that rests on his chest into a fist.

To call these thoughts troubling is an understatement. Suddenly Atem feels uncomfortably restless, he can't keep still, he needs space, he has to move. But moving would mean leaving the warm blankets and the even warmer form next to him and risk waking him in the process.

His chest feels so tight and it aches in a way Atem hasn't felt in millennia and he squeezes his eyes shut, holds his breath and with one swift movement pushes the blankets off of himself, sits up and rolls to the side to plant his feet onto the floor. The wood is cool under the bare soles of his feet and that sudden feeling makes him pause for a moment. He releases the breath he was holding.

It's almost funny how he already feels better. He glances over his shoulder to see if he had woken Yuugi up but the other youth seems undisturbed, still fast asleep. Relieved, Atem stands up... and doesn't know what to do. It's still practically night time and the house is silent. Mama Mutou and Grandpa will be getting up in one to two hours and Yuugi much later than that if his previous findings are to be trusted. Normally he would happily snooze the morning away with Yuugi but he doesn't want to go back to bed, the restlessness still buzzing under his skin even though that unpleasant tightness in his chest has ebbed and is now just a nuisance instead of actual, painful anxiety.

He turns around to face the bed so he can take another look at Yuugi, properly. A glance wasn't enough. Will never be enough, he realises all of a sudden. I want to be looking at Yuugi, and only Yuugi, forever. How can his heart feel so big and full but so small at the same time?

Atem is overwhelmed, not yet used to the absolute link between his feelings and his physical senses, and he lifts his hand once more to his chest, almost desperately grasping his shirt and pressing his fist against his heart, to feel the beat of it, and the warmth of his body.

He has this body now and he should be so, so thankful for it, but at this moment he can only feel guilt. He loves Yuugi but has still put him through so much and he knows, oh how he knows, that the trip to Egypt broke him. Atem had felt Yuugi mourn him weeks beforehand, felt his grief he so valiantly tried to conceal - too bad their bond at that point was the strongest it had ever been and Atem knew. It took everything in him to keep on going, to keep on telling himself that this was the right thing to do, this was how he could repay Yuugi's kindness and let him go on with his life, let him be free. He had heard the modern phrase “if you love them let them go”, and wouldn't that have been so grand? To prove his love in such a poetic, profound way?

All that in spite of Yuugi's feelings screaming at him that to be separated was the last thing he wanted.

Atem chuckles, a bitter taste in his mouth. Despite having shared such an extraordinary bond, communication had never been their strongest point, duels usually excluded, and talking about their feelings was not an exception. Still isn’t. They both had just kept on doing what they thought was the best for the other and in the process ended up wounding each other in ways that Atem isn't sure he can ever truly understand. Yesterday he had come down to the kitchen to find Yuugi folding laundry, eyes puffy and red, yet when he talked he sounded so happy. Atem had left it at that because there's nothing he could do when confronted by that smile that can put even the Sun in shade.

Slowly he realises that he's been staring at his partner for such a long time that it must be bordering on creepy. How did he get here from that warmth he first woke up to, from that love he so deeply feels for Yuugi? Why hasn’t he thought about these things before? It's like all he has in his head are questions with no answers to calm his mind. It's only been a week since... since it all should've ended, but didn't, all because of Atem's selfishness. Selfishness... and love. His own heart had broken when his life points counted down to zero and he saw the utter hopelessness he felt surface in his heart reflected right back at him on Yuugi's face. The memory of it is still so strong that he has to grit his teeth together to keep his jaw from trembling.

He hadn’t been able to stand that expression, to stand the knowledge that he was the cause of it. He wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t good enough. The pride he had felt toward Yuugi's skill was completely overshadowed by the grief that hit him in waves, his legs feeling like lead as he slowly walked to Yuugi, his own voice distant to his ears as he offered words of consolation and praise. Empty words, they were, he knew it then and he knows it now. How could he ever leave this person who had gone through so much for him, because of him, who had loved him so fully, who had risked it all to be there for him in his quest to regain his memories even when knowing that the price for that would be too steep to consider if Yuugi ever stopped to do that?

Atem had never wanted to leave. He had learned to live again, to have friends, and grow as a person, no matter how minuscule that growth might have been. Yuugi had been him and then Yuugi had become his world. There's no other way to explain it. As much as Atem had longed for his memories, for those people he loved and lost all those thousands of years ago, he couldn't bear the thought of losing another family. Even when the prize would be to regain his first one. 

But he had to. He had thought he had to.

Yet when he was just about to take the last step, he had faltered. Had wondered - does it have to be this way? What if there's another choice he could make?

And the gods had answered him. He didn't have to beg, he didn't have to fight, he just had to ask.

Just ask.

It had been so simple, in the end, so effortless. Of course, Atem asked for that third choice - or didn't really even ask, he didn't dare, he wished for it, his heart on the verge of breaking a second time. He had been painfully aware of his friends behind him, holding their breaths, waiting for the end. Atem felt their feelings wrap around him like a cloak and he bore the weight of it, accepted it, as he couldn't quite believe that it would be that easy to stay. So he had wished.

And that wish had been granted.

And now he is here.

Standing in the middle of the floor in Yuugi's room while Yuugi sleeps, hands closed into fists, both grasping his shirt now, holding back tears that threaten to spill forth. Wondering why did he even put Yuugi through all that, when in the end, it was for nothing? Oh, he thinks, oh, how it hurts. His own shortcomings, his own pain, the pain that he had caused others. Especially the pain that he had caused Yuugi. He hadn’t deserved it, he never deserved something so cruel and insincere as Atem's decision to leave had been.

A sob wrangles itself up and out of his mouth, he's not able to stop it in time and that breaks his resolve. He sways on his feet as tears force their way out and streak his cheeks, fall into his shirt and seep into the fabric as he hiccups and tries half-heartedly to stop it. He shouldn't be crying, not after everything he’s done. He doesn’t deserve to feel so sorry for himself - he should be the one to take responsibility, to carry that burden without a hitch. But, the thing is… at this moment, he’s no longer the prince-then-pharaoh from 3000 years ago. He’s no longer the amnesiac spirit occupying the Puzzle. He’s not the King of Games.

At this moment, he’s just a 16-year-old boy who is desperately trying to deal with every responsibility he’s imagined are only his to bear and failing spectacularly. So he cries, and cries, and he can no longer see with how blurry his eyes have gone. He prays Yuugi won't wake up to it, he just has to suffer through it and he'll be fine. Crying is fine, actually. He would laugh at himself if he could - aren't tears an actual luxury, after all? He wasn't able to cry his own tears with his own body before, but now he can.

There's a hand on his shoulder and Atem's heart drops into his stomach - oh no, now he's woken up - then another on the other side, then a tug, and Atem follows blindly. He's guided back to the bed and coaxed to sit down where a warm body presses against him and he's enveloped in an embrace.

Atem finds that he can't talk, he tries to draw breath to get the words out but sobs are the only thing he can produce and finally, he hears a voice call his name. It's so soft and warm and loving that Atem somehow feels worse and buries his head into Yuugi’s shoulder, his chest heaving and he almost wails from the struggle of it.

“Shh, other me. Cry it out. It helps. I know.”

He listens to Yuugi and does just that. It’s not easy to give up the reins but with Yuugi by his side, he finds the will to allow himself to succumb. He clutches his partner's shirt, holds him and is held in return, and lets himself cry. Lets his tears come like he's never done before and faced with the force of them, he feels like there's no end to it.

But there is an end. After a period of time that feels like an eternity, his sobs subside, his tears slow down, and he feels like he can finally loosen his hold of Yuugi's shirt to let blood flow into his fingers again. His nose feels snotty and he's sure there's no dry spot left on his partner's clothes and somehow that thought makes him laugh.

“See? All better now,” Yuugi murmurs against his temple and presses his lips there. That sign of affection almost makes Atem's eyes well up but he squeezes them shut, refusing to start crying all over again. He feels drained and empty and he's pretty sure he should be ashamed. He had woken Yuugi up and made him comfort him without asking but all he can feel is gratitude. Gratitude and love and endless adoration.

“Aibou,” he sniffles, voice congested and raw. He means to thank him but his throat closes up, yet Yuugi seems to catch his meaning.

“No need,” the shorter of the two says and Atem can feel his smile against his skin, “it's okay. You're okay, we're okay, everything's okay.”

Atem wants to argue but finds no energy for it. And - as he thinks about it, he realises that Yuugi is right.

They're okay.

He wraps his arms properly around Yuugi and squeezes, sighing softly. His mind is comfortably quiet now and he presses his ear against Yuugi's chest, listening to the beat of his heart (his heart's heart?) and feeling his own fall smoothly into the same rhythm. It's natural, it's right.

“I think,” he manages to croak out, “that we need to talk.”

Yuugi holds him closer and nods before pressing his face into Atem’s hair.

“Yeah,” he replies, sounding relieved, “we sure do, other me.”

[volliate-a]

a continuation of objectification;

     You may be asking yourself ‘You kept talking about ‘fate’ in all of this, what the fuck are you on about king?’ It is at this point that I ask you to turn your brain off and hear me be a fuckin twisted cycle path for twenty more paragraphs. Thanks.

     Golb is one of the centerpiece deities in the series, yet no real information is directly shared about it until the series finale - and even that information is sparse. All that’s really given is that Golb is a being made of [or representative of] pure chaos, that it stands higher than most of the other deities in terms of power [as Prismo was incapable of pulling Margles back “from its maw” despite a direct wish to do so - he also refers to some unknown deity as his ‘boss’, but that’s pure speculation on my part. I don’t personally see Golb as caring whether some backend order is kept at all]. Golb also has smaller but still just as terrifyingly powerful beings that have supposedly studied under it, with the Lich being the self-described ‘last remaining scholar’. Whether this was a direct pupil/master relationship or if it was something more akin to a cult is unknown.

     Regardless, it’s hard to directly pinpoint just what Golb’s role is in the primary story [as the only other deity shown to have ties with him acts more akin to a ‘superman’ or comic book super hero character mashed with a christian-like god only in terms of mythos attributed. Of course a lot of the deities in the series fall under that “they’re one thing in mythos but another in reality” characterization, so that’s not a flaw or drawback at all. It’s funny if anything, and only goes to contrast the sheer threat Golb brings so suddenly from the background. 

     The best comparison I can draw is Golb plays a ‘blind idiot’ god akin to the lovecraftian ‘Azathoth’, a god embodying chaos that sits in the center of the universe as its unaware creator, potentially sleeping that whole time. Nothing Golb does seems to have any forethought placed into it nor an understanding of consequences that is understandable to those lower than it. As far as I can recall, Golb never interacts with weaker forces unless it’s called forth to do so [and considering the rarity of that happening, it tracks that information about that is sparse at best] - as only seen in the finale and referenced when Magic Man fucked around and found out with his wife.

     Considering its power, if ‘the end of all life’ were its true aims, it would’ve managed that well before life was as widespread as it is [something that the Lich gets wrong, I’d say.] Hard to claim to be a scholar of something when you’re off-base at every point, my guy. Then again, the Lich has been shown to be calculating, careful, and capable of learning - it could just be using the mythos of Golb to prop up its own threats without having ever been a scholar [which again, means nothing when information of Golb is non-existent]. I’m personally working under the assumption it does believe Golb wants the extinction of all life however, since the implication that there were smaller gods that worshiped it is so fun to me.

     Instead, its presence is only felt through smaller, less obvious things [curses, magic-borne madness, etc], alongside time’s cyclical nature with the comets and reincarnation. To be a bit more specific, The Lich’s own understanding of the wheel I’d say ties into the more destructive curses [especially any that impact Finn since they’re a destined ‘good vs evil’ thread in time]. With the grass sword’s curse in particular, The Lich weaponizing that curse and making sure it found its way into Finn’s life tracks, regardless of how badly that decision backfires later. Whether the Grass Wizard was directly manipulated and brainwashed only to forget about it later is irrelevant; all that would be important is making sure the need was met at the right time and place.

     Because of this, it was [and is] incredibly easy for the curse to wreak absolute havoc on what would otherwise be an average incarnation of Finn. Both with a combination of severance from the outside world and the rest of decent humanity while in the Finn Sword, to manifesting in every possible nook and cranny once outside of the sword to cement the belief Fern is not and cannot ever be anything more than an unknowably angry and violent force - it works enough to drag Fern’s own self-image down through the mud and succeed where the Lich would’ve otherwise failed. Attempts to become his own person, to find reasoning behind his existence, to make friends and find trust in others all fail, terrible luck following him no matter wherever he went. The curse was able to paint reality around him as this constant uncaring and unkind place that would only be welcoming if he dropped the hero schtick and went with what he really was.

     It’s there that the curse - and The Lich - win. The temporary rebound of whatever remained of Finn is pointless as well, the desire to ‘escape’ the cocoon unknowingly playing right into the curse’s wishes. It’s also this rebound that shapes Fern’s eventual plans of trapping Finn in the dungeon; guilt and that remaining shred of humanity that keep him from outright killing Finn [because LORD KNOWS he could easily - deadly accuracy is the curse]. This restraint does start to drastically fade after Fern’s death, however, both alongside that sense of betrayal, rage, and unknown degrees of manipulation on Gumbald’s part.

     Additionally, the mirror could be caused by Finn Sword himself - an attempt to have Finn realize how it felt to be used, trapped, and left to watch the world as a mute observer. Both him and the curse have that clear desire to see Finn suffer, but I’d say the addition of slow starvation was a miscommunication between the two, if not just downright purposeful rather than an exercise in stupidity.

     So to TLDR; Fern is a product of the Lich’s opportunistic schemes with a curse that’s manifesting from Golb’s domain. No he is not completely aware of this, yes I am using this concept to be evil.

[thepeakygurl]

Hello!!!! Can you write something about a little shelby sister, maybe 5 years old, with tommy shelby where she is very intelligent in school and she has no friends? thank you so much, love your writing ❤️

A/N: Here you go love! I personally really love this one. I figured it was best to give the little shelby sister a name and Agatha was the first that came up to mind at the moment. Let me know what you think. Sorry for the delay ✨

Agatha Shelby

Thomas Shelby x Sister!Shelby

When little Agatha Shelby came out from school, Thomas recognised an unusual sadness invading the face of his little sister. He was not used to pick her up from school, but Ada and Polly were both busy, God only knew what they were up to those days and when it came to Agatha he couldn’t trust Arthur or John, and Finn, he was still a child himself. When Agata came into their life, they thought she was a mistake, they had enough on their plate already and when their mom couldn’t bare anymore, those fear that Agatha was a mistake came back to surface. Growing up however, they couldn’t be more happy and proud to have her. Her and Finn were just the small bubble of joy in the house. When she saw Tommy, she put on a brave face and smiled to him, walking a bit faster towards him and ready to hold his hand.

Thomas smiled back at her, holding her little hand in his “What was that sad face you had up there ey?” He knew his siblings more than he knew himself, he could tell something was bothering her.

She just shrugged her shoulders, trying to fix her backpack “Sometimes I’m just sad, like you, sometimes” she explained.

Thomas looked down at her, how could a small bean like her be sad, when all she had to experience at that age was just happiness? And for a moment his worst fear came to light, he might have failed her “Sad? I’m never sad” he said almost making it sound as if she offended him somehow “What are you sad about?” He asked her, quickly picking her up in his arms when he saw a car coming way too fast to be driving in a school street. If Agatha wasn’t with him, he would have already cussed at the arsehole. When he was ready to put her down, he felt Agatha’s little arms around his neck, laying her head on his shoulder. That made him smiled, so he kept walking holding her in his arms.

“The children in my class don’t like it when I know the answers, they say I’m a know-it-all” she said in her small brittle voice. She loved going to school, it was a totally new experience for her. Aunt Pol kept saying how much she would have loved making new friends, drawing, learning new words, and she was right but so far she didn’t make any friends.

Thomas almost forgot how mean children could be, especially to a little girl that seemed to have been born blessed by the heavens with such a bright mind, he took a small deep breath “You let them speak Agatha, they are just jealous” he said while gently caressing her back.

“Jealous? Of me?” She quickly asked looking at him. They both had the same blue limpid eyes, but her were prettier, he would say.

“Because mom made you so clever, even we are jealous. She didn’t make us that smart.” He argued touching the tip of her nose, action that would usually make her laugh and so she did “Such a bright mind she gifted us ey”

She laughed and did the same thing to him, which made him also laugh “You are too, but I can give you some of my mind if you need it” she gently offered, but then she almost fell into her sadness once again “So I can’t have friends because of my mind?”

“You surely can’t have friends that don’t recognise how wonderful you are. It’s their loss.” He shrugged looking at her “You don’t need loads of friends, you need a few that cherish who you are. Until then don’t settle down for less, you hear me?”

She nodded “Am I really that smart Thomas?” She asked her voice still breathy and brittle.

“Sure thing love” he smiled at her “Look at you, so pretty and darned intelligent. At your age your brother John was a complete wanker” he joked, brushing off the few tears that were running through her cheeks.

“Can I say wanker?” She asked, a small but sly smile that made Thomas burst into a big laugh.

“I’ll tell you what. If those children call you a know-it-all you can, and only then, call them a wanker.” He said and when he specified that she could say such word to only a specific occasion, he made sure to point a finger at her. “And don’t tell aunt Polly, it’s our secret.”

“I’m really good at secrets!” She said, now putting her arms around his neck once again and lay her cheek on his shoulder.

Thomas couldn’t help, but think about the time she told Ada about the surprise birthday cake that Polly had prepared for her, or the time she saw John with a lady friend in the house and told Polly, or again when Arthur made her promise to not tell Polly he stole some cookies - money - from the kitchen, in exchange for some candies, but she told on him anyway. “I guess I’m in some trouble..” he whispered out loud to himself.

[moral-turpitudes]

A Sister’s Intuition:

A/N: The gif has nothing to do with this one. It just made me chuckle cuz this most certainly has fighting.

Also, this is a weird mix of Arthur actually killing the church dude, but instead of Linda trying to shoot him right after like in the show, this story is like the event that causes her to go off the rails and try to shoot him (and fictionally, Y/N lol can you imagine). So this, in my fucked up mind, is the calm before the storm that is the lovely Linda with a gun.

Trigger Warnings: Fighting obviously, Mentions of Blood, Angst, Family Drama?, Cheating, Taunting, Swearing.

Word Count: 2,114

Characters: Shelby Family x Shelby!Sister Reader

Requested: Yes, well it was suggested but still. Long story short I have a bone to pick with my brothers gf and this was cathartic. 

Request by: Anon, you can find it here.

Summary: Linda is being Linda and Y/N can’t stand her messing with her brother Arthur’s head another day. She just snaps. People and their feelings get hurt. Nothing like a nice bloody family dinner at the Shelby-Gray household.

Y/N’s skin crawled as she heard the voice of the woman downstairs. Her heart racing and fists clenching as she heard the half-hearted laughs and forceful exchange of pleasantries that were painstakingly muttered by the rest of the Shelby family.

As she smoothed out her dress, she heard Polly calling for her, surely to help with setting the table for dinner. With shaking hands she opened her door, her eldest brother Arthur’s laugh echoing through the lavish house as she made her way down the stairs.

“Y/N, nice of you to join us.” Thomas said, patting her on the shoulder as she sulked to the kitchen, avoiding Linda’s ever-judgmental gaze.

“I’ll set the table.” She said, Polly nodding at her with an annoyed expression as she glanced out into the dining room. The feeling fortunately seeming mutual.

“How’s the farm treating you brother? Having fun with the baby?” Ada asked, as Karl reached for one of the rolls in the basket Y/N was setting down.

“It’s good, quiet.” He said, his eyes looking tired and emotionless as the years went by.

“Don’t eat too much now, you won’t want dinner sweetheart.” Ada said, giving him a warning glance as Y/N silently set the table, glancing at Arthur’s troubled state. Thomas couldn’t help but notice his youngest sisters rage as she harshly set the silverware down, especially the knives.

It had been two years since the first conflict between her and Linda. The whole thing starting as Linda slowly brainwashed Arthur. No one really noticed at first, how she sunk her claws into him. How he’d stop his excessive use of cocaine, or his anger fueled drunken rampages on a dime. How he’d mess up on missions, putting them at risk. Or how he started asking Linda for permission to go places and her ordering him to be home at certain times when on business. No one noticed that while some of his habits were best left in the past, he was also leaving part of himself. The part of him that she knew and grew up with. The part that smiled and joked. The part that didn’t question himself and his worth on a daily basis. This was how she pulled him in, and he was forever tied to her now. Seeing as their 1 year old sat in his lap, giggly and oblivious to the pressures and expectations he’d be raised on years later whether Arthur wanted him to be or not.

The big blow up between them though, was when Y/N learned she cheated. If she inherited one good thing in life from the Shelby family it was her intuition. Her ability to sense when a person meant harm. Her ability to know when someone was nothing more than a snake. A soul-sucking, venomous snake.

The night she found out, she made sure Arthur was alright, or at least alive, knowing how he could spiral at any given moment. That was one thing about growing up around a dysfunctional family. Knowing when the others needed help, and knowing when to help set others straight. And he had seemed okay, at least until a few days later.

That same week Arthur killed the man she’d cheated on him with, going down a dark spiral as he grappled with his sins. His eyes brimming with tears and hands stained red as he walked into the house unannounced, nearly giving Polly a heart attack.

Y/N remembering how she sat him down and wiped the tears from his eyes and blood from his busted knuckles as he stared at her.

“These are the hands of a devil, Y/N...how can I be saved like this?” He asked through tears.

“Don’t ask how god can save you. Ask how you can save yourself.” She said, wrapping his hands in gauze.

“What?” He asked, confused. The tears streamed down his face as she urged him to drink a glass of water, given he was already in a drunken state.

“You have to save yourself, Arthur. I can’t do it for you. Linda cheated on you yeah? Well it’s not the first time she’s hurt you. No one else can really see it...not even you...but I can...She’s made you into someone you’re not. You may need to slow it on the drinking and drugs, and get your anger in check, but you don’t have to completely ruin yourself over some words in a book or some girl alright? I want my brother back...” She said giving him a strong hug. She wasn’t known for talking much, always preferring to stay in the background and being quiet, but she threw insults and plans around in her head just like Thomas. But when she did say something, people listened.

The day after Arthur attacked Linda’s lover, she decided to meet with her at her house. The rain pouring down as she made her way up the winding dirt roads, her thoughts running through her mind as she reluctantly stepped inside the farmhouse.

“Oh, Y/N. Wasn’t expecting you.” She said, a disgusted look on her face.

“We agreed last night to meet but I guess you didn’t remember. Must’ve been a bit preoccupied I see.” Y/N said, leaning to the side as she saw yet another man walking around the house that wasn’t Arthur. There was a long, awkward silence before she continued.

“I’m just here to warn you that you’ll get what’s coming to you. You don’t fuck with the Shelby family.” She said spitting at her feet.

“You know Y/N? You’re just like the rest of them. No morals...no class...nothing.” She said.

Y/N smirked as she inched closer to her, standing almost eye to eye. With a quick draw of her arm, she landed a harsh slap to her face. Her handprint stinging and bright red as it adorned Linda’s cheek.

“You’re one to talk about morals and class. People like you make me sick.” Y/N spat, walking off as Linda stood there holding her cheek. Her mystery lover nowhere to be seen as he’d retreated back to the bedroom in hiding, most surely thinking Arthur was there.

As she set the final glass down, she was brought out of her horrendous memories by the voice of her brother John.

“Aye Y/N, how’s your training been going with Finn and the guys? Think you could take him out yet?” He said, a mischievous smirk on his face. Linda scowled as she glanced over at Y/N, probably remembering how her face stung after the blow. The event seeming years away due to the hectic business of the blinders and the growing number of kids in the family.

“I highly doubt she could. Even if she grew up with you lot as brothers. Besides, it’s not ladylike. You can’t fight around the children.” Linda said, sipping her tea.

Y/N’s eyes pierced hers as she sat there. Her appetite fading as she got up from the table.

“Y/N...now’s not the time for this. Sit down.” Polly said, pointing at the empty chair between her and Thomas.

“I have no desire to sit with someone I can’t trust. You’ll get what’s coming to you Linda. I swear it on our mums grave.” She said getting up from the table again, this time making it to the kitchen before hearing quick footsteps.

“You said that last time and nothing happened. What are you going to do? All this family does is make empty promises. You’re just a worthless girl with nothing but her families bad manners and filthy blood money...” Linda continued, Y/N zoning out as she unclasped her earrings and threw them on the counter. Her eyes scanning Linda’s movements as she stepped closer, cracking her knuckles. John got up as soon as he heard her bad-mouthing his sister. Finn stood and made his way near her only for John to hold him back with a smirk, knowing this was long over-due.

She didn’t say anything as she swung a left hook, a loud crack sounding through the room as Linda stumbled back. John cheering slightly as she regained her composure.

“I told ya you’d get what’s coming to you.” She said, as Linda lunged forward and went to slap her in the face, but failing as Y/N blocked her hand and twisted causing a scream to erupt from her lying mouth. Blood was dripping from her nose as Arthur and Thomas came in. To her surprise, they didn’t jump in nor did Arthur try to stop her, knowing all too well his once precious Linda was bound to pay somehow. Polly and Ada shielded the children, holding their hands over their eyes as the mini brawl panned out.

“You’re going to hell!” Linda yelled, punching Y/N in the shoulder as she cried.

“I’ve been there already love, it’s quite nice.” She said moving back and raising her arms up to guard her face, looking for an open spot, eventually landing a final blow to Linda’s ribs that left her on the ground gasping for air.

Thomas suddenly grabbed Y/N’s arm and yanked her back. She wasn’t kicking and screaming, but he could see the rage in her eyes. The way his and Arthur’s often looked.

“Enough. Alright? She got the message. Enough.” He said.

“No. No I don’t think she did. Get off me.” She spat, trying to wrestle her way out of her brothers grasp.

Thomas let go so he wouldn’t hurt her, but watched on as she stalked towards Linda and Arthur.

“You can see how you’ve torn this family up right? I can’t speak for everyone, even for the man you’ve hurt, but I can speak for me and I’ll never accept you into this family again. Never. Now get out of my fucking house.” She said lowly, grabbing Linda’s arm harshly as Arthur tried to stop her.

“Y/N I’ll take her, you go cool down.” Arthur said, his hands shaking a bit as he was still torn between the hurt from Linda’s past actions and the love he had for her. 

Y/N stood up with her arms crossed, her knuckles bloodied and aching as she stared her brother down.

“Arthur...do you remember what I told you that night? You have to save yourself. She’s going to keep you trapped in those same situations again if you don’t do something. She’ll hurt you if you don’t watch out.” She said, wiping a tear from her cheek as she shoved past her brothers and Polly, the children crying as an awkward silence fell over the house. She sulked back up to her room, cleaning her knuckles and bandaging them the best she could, knowing everyone probably hated her now.

“What was that aye?” Thomas asked.

“Fucking hell Tommy.” She said, jumping slightly at his voice from the doorway.

“I was just doing what no one else wanted to fucking do. Someone had to make her and our idiot brother see reason.” She said, wincing as she tried to wrap the gauze around her knuckles.

Thomas silently came over and helped her, trying to think of something to say as he snipped the last of the white fabric.

“You all hate me I already know. I just couldn’t sit there as she acted like everything was fine. Like she didn’t hurt him multiple times. She’s nothing but trouble and no one fucking understands that.” She said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“He can protect himself...I’m sure he’ll come around. And we don’t hate you. Besides, if I was betting on you that would’ve been the best fight of the year. I know for a fact you can take down Finn.” He said, trying to lighten her mood.

“I already did, he just doesn’t talk about it.” She said giggling and wiping the tears away as she gave him a hug. He sighed as he wrapped his arms protectively around her.

“She also had it coming. She said I had no morals...and no class....I just couldn’t let her talk that way about me...and about our family.” She said.

“Aye she did have it coming, I’ll agree on that. But you can’t listen to her. There will always be people who’ll say those things. They just don’t understand us.” He said.

“Well, they should work on that then aye? I guess next time I’ll try not to beat anyone up. I’m not promising anything though.” She said, Thomas chuckling as she broke from the hug and went into her room.

“I’ll see what’s going on down there. You just rest. But uh,,,do me a favor aye?” He asked.

“Yeah?”

“If someone does say something, don’t go at them alone. Tell me alright?” He asked.

“Okay...” she said with a sigh, hoping the night could be over with.

“Good, I’ll see you at the family meeting tomorrow then. Bright and early.” He said with a smirk.

“Oh fuck off Tommy...Goodnight.” She said, play-punching his shoulder.

“Goodnight.” He said, putting his cap on and making his way out the door to whatever family chaos awaited him.

[florenzismind]

It's so interesting to me how fast people change their mind about potential storylines. I'm not saying that I'm *sure* about anything regarding Lou and/or Sascha.

But I'd also like to remind everyone that we're currently at episode 3 and still have 7 (!!) additional episodes to go.

Now this is all speculation on my part, but:

If we imagine a graph, we're currently heading to some sort of fallout/epiphany/hell week (I'm thinking episode 5 for that one actually). Lou/Ismail potentially getting "together" this week is not exactly the recipe for "they will stay together for the entire season". Especially since there will definitely be some fallout and Sascha *must* be a part of this fallout because he's been such a dependable and steady influence in Isi's life.

(We had some Sascha-heavy clips in the first two weeks. The beginning showcases all the important themes for the entire season. Just because he's not that important in this week, doesn't mean he's suddenly erased for the entire season, guys.)

How does this track in my mind?

Eh. We had kind of rotating clips between pole 1 (Sascha and/or Ava) and pole 2 (Lou, Constantin, the Instas in general). Now, I thought they might still rotate them with a Sascha clip today and a Lou clip tomorrow, but I'm currently thinking we'll have a really "Lou-heavy" week, developing the growing rift between Isi and Constantin and/or the entire group (potential Finn/Zoe breakup?). And I'm not quite sure if the rift between Isi and Sascha will immediately follow but I can imagine Isi ditching Sascha for Lou (which probably won't go over well. Can I already call that Isi will miss Isi/Sascha day next week or the week after that?)

Now, the funny thing is I absolutely have no idea what the writers intend to do with Lou. I'm pretty sure we'll all be a little bit smarter after the next few clips but right now, I'm drawing blank.

Since she missed Constantin's "angry moment" (how do I even call that? I'd say Ausraster in German lmao), I could imagine she might see something like that on Thursday when they have their learn group and I think her reaction/response to that (in case it actually happens like that) will answer what her role is supposed to be.

[deepdonutkid]

Buy me a drink and let me tell you why I need it

Authors note

Thank you very much for the request    @caelys​ I had fun writing it and actually I thought about modern!au John way too much. Like I made a model for his apartment and a playlist and I could possibly draw ten more fan arts of him.

It takes place in a modern setting, but it starts before John goes to the military. He and Tommy still work in the Garrison, besides some other shadier jobs. Arthur is a car mechanic or something like that. Ada still goes to school and Finn too. Polly and Michael are not mentioned here.

Female reader x bartender!John BIG PUNK VIBES HERE!

Actually, this was going to be a multi-chapter fic with intense slow-burn, but whatever there it is. Just say one thing and I’ll write a second part!

tagging  @bonniesgoldengirl​

 Warning: drinking, drug use, marijuana, swearing, infidelity mentioned, a little bittersweet

Word count: 2348

 The garrison was not a pub for everyone. It was full of gangsters and other low-life scum. A woman was a curiosity. Working there wasn’t pleasant, but John didn’t complain.

It was the only legal job he got after graduating. He worked at the Garrison twice a week, usually on Friday and Saturday.

The nice thing about this work was the free beer and he could make as many cigarette breaks as he liked.

Nevertheless, John was a little pissed that night, because he could see his friends drinking over there and he had to stand behind the counter. Tommy’s orders!

“Fuck off, Tommy”, he mumbled while cleaning bar. Of course, his brother didn’t hear that, he was busy making some phone calls. John didn’t want to know, who Tommy was calling or why. Probably their next job.

But while he was still on the first one, he didn’t want to think about more work. He already had enough. It was past ten and John hadn’t eaten for hours.

At first, he was to occupied from his work to notice you. You sat down at the bar and cleared your throat. It wasn’t on purpose or to get the bartenders attention. Actually, you just wanted your peace. You hated being trapped in your new apartment, while everything was still so empty. Since you moved, so much changed in your life, but you still felt lonely.

That’s why, you walked straight into the nearest pub, when you couldn’t bear the weight of your own thoughts. But now you realized you hadn’t a penny left. Or at least not enough for a beer. “Get me a glass of water please.”, you said to the bartender, who kept starring at you. First you thought he was a little weird and also a little intimidating, but then you understood what he expected from you. An order, of course.

“A glass of water?”, he asked with a grin on his face: “Really? You know, where you are, girl?”

Now you looked confused. Maybe there was an unspoken rule, to not order a soft drink in this place, but how you should know? After all, you’ve been pretty new to Small Heath. Three days ago you moved into your new place. It was small, but it was yours. Your private space and your sanctuary. “A pub… maybe?”, you joked: “So what about the water?”

“Ah, I get it… It’s the end of month.”, he responded.

You laughed and shook your head. “I’m always broke. Money is not my thing.”

“Not mine either.”

Now he got your attention. You took a closer look at the bartender. He was somehow handsome. A pretty face for a fucked-up place like this. Then you noticed the tattoos on his arms, that peaked out of the sleeves of his shirt. “Dead Kennedys. Nice”, you mumbled and smiled slightly, barely visible.

He put a filled glass in front of you and smirked. “No need to pay.”

Your eyes widened. That bartender really surprised you. He was nicer than he looked like. You took a sip from the glass and nodded. “Thanks… I guess.”

The water was okay, but everything you wished for was a beer or a whiskey. Something to stop your brain from thinking. However, you nipped the glass very patiently, because you didn’t want to leave this place too soon. You didn’t know the neighborhood and chances were high, you got lost on your way around town.

The bartender seemed to notice your tension. “Do you want to drink something else?”

“A beer would be nice.” You croaked

The handsome man behind the bar nodded and pulled out a pint. “A beer, it is.”

You didn’t know it yet, but you were the only thing tonight, that made his work bearable. Everything else was so boring and you were new in town. Every little thing about you was so exciting for him. Staring with the fact that you stumbled into the Garrison without knowing its reputation. Then your little comment about his shirt, yes, he heard that. And your overall appearance was just the cherry on top.

The leather jacket, the ripped jeans and your washed-out Kurt Cobain shirt said a lot about you and John was ready to listen. What else should he do in the next couple of hours until his shift ended?  

“I’m John.”, he said and served you a beer.

You noticed the twinkle with his eye and replied with a shy smile. “Just call me Y/n”

The two of you shook hands and exchanged a strange glance. Was he flirting with you? No, of course not, you brushed it off. It was part of his job, to be nice to his customers.

After a few sips of your beer, you calmed down a bit, but not enough. You fumbled in the inside pocket of your jacket for your package. You smoked Dunhill and probably started way to early in life. An end of your smoking addiction was not in sight. The package was already half empty, when you opened it.

“Fuck” you cursed and signed. How could you make it to your next pay check with just a few cigarettes left? Maybe skip dinner a few times.

“Cigarettes are empty too?” he asked “I would give you one of mine, but they are empty too.”

“No, I still have some left, but not enough until July. Maybe not even enough for the rest of this night.”, you explained.

You took two out of the package and put it back. “Want one? I don’t have money, but at least I still have something to smoke.”

“Whatcha smoking?” “Dunhill”, you answered.

A wide grin appeared on his face. “Me too.”

“I know, I shouldn’t… but I just can’t quit.” You shrugged and lit your cigarette.

John brushed it off. “Fuck em. I think, I’m never gonna quit too. This shit just stays with you forever.”

“True”, you signed and took a deep drag from your cigarette.

“So… why am I the only girl in this place? Is there something I should know?”

“Nah, not really. It’s just…”, he began to explain, but then paused to smoke. You liked how he leaned against the counter. Like there was no cooler person in this room. “I don’t know… most women don’t like it here. Too filthy or whatever.”

You nodded and looked around. Everything smelled like ashtray and whiskey. There was dirt lying around. Nobody seemed to bother, so you chose not to either.

“And you are new in Birmingham?”, he asked: “All the locals know to stay away from this place.”

Again, you nodded and hid your smile behind your hand. “I just grabbed my bass and some clothes and left.”

“Bass?” Now, John was hooked. Since he could walk and talk, he had a thing for music. Especially rock and punk and he blabber about his favorite bands all day. Of course, he never learned to play an instrument, because his family was too poor, but he stole every record he could lay hands on. “You play bass?”

“Yeah, I can also play guitar, but I sold mine to get here. I started playing in a band now and I really hope this is going to work out… somehow.”, you explained

“Maybe.”, he said: “I can ask Harry, if you can play here. Live music would be great.”

You beamed and jumped almost over the counter. “Really?”

“But I need to listen to a song first. Otherwise, I can’t do it with good conscience.”

“Yeah, sure thing! When I get the promo tape, I’ll come back here.” Finally, some good news for you. After all you went though you really needed that and right now you just couldn’t stop smiling.

Three beers later, you were already in an in-depth discussion about music and which bands paved the way for punk.

After six more beers, you danced to the song he put on. John watched you with the purest joy. Nobody has ever danced in the Garrison. Good for him, that Tommy left, because “something important” occurred.

On beer twelve you sang for all the man to watch. The Shelby just could take his eyes off you, even when you didn’t hit the right tone.

He even caught you, when you fell over the counter.

But in the end the bar had to close and you still had nowhere to go, so you waited for him to finish his work. It took twice as long, because John kept staring at you in awe.

After everything was done, he asked, if he should walk you home and you agreed. Actually, you didn’t say yes, you hugged him and rubbed your cheek against his. Then you made a purring sound and told him your address.

You even hold hands with him, but that was mainly, because you were to drunk to walk straight. But you had plenty of time to sober up along the way.

Finally arriving at the front door, you had to stop laughing and catch a breath to manage to say something. “Do you…”, you began and paused, because you didn’t know how to phrase it.

Without hesitation he answered: “Yes! Yes… I mean, it would be cool.”

And again, you started laughing. “I was about to ask, if you want to watch the stars on my rooftop, but I didn’t know you were going to be so excited about this.”

He scratched his neck and chuckled. “Yeah, we were talking about the same thing.”

“Oh honey, I’m taken”, you explained

That last three words crumbled his hopes, that have been build up since you walked into the Garrison.

But he was a gentleman and he shouldn’t expect anything from a woman. After all, you don’t owe him anything. Even though he thought you were flirting with him the entire night.

He just bit his lip and shrugged. “No problem here.”

Then he added: “But we might not see the stars though all the smog and light pollution.”

“Let’s give it a try.” you opened the door and smiled.

You took the steps up to your apartment, John followed you closely. When the two of you entered the small flat, everything was still dark. The alarm clock next to your mattress said four in the morning.

John was so curious, when he looked around. “You really didn’t lie, when you said, you just took you bass and nothing more.”

“Yup”, you mumbled and walked to a pile of clothes. “Do you want to smoke one with me?”

When you pulled out the joint, John grinned at you. His cheeks were still red. “Why not?”

Climbing out of your window and onto the roof sounded way easier than it turned out to be.

But the view was great, and that was enough.

You lit the joint and inhaled the white smoke, just to blow it out again.

“No stars in sight, babe”, he noted while looking up

He was right, but you were still glad, that he came up here with you. You feared the moment of being alone again. “Yes, but the view… is amazing.”

You didn’t notice, he was glaring at you when he said: “Yeah, it really is.”

Then you turned to him to pass him the joint.

John took one drag and coughed. “That shit’s strong.”

At first you tried not to laugh, but ended up giggling anyway.

“What?”, he asked with blunt curiosity.

When you calmed down, you had to tell him the joke that just crossed your mind: “I like my weed like my sex… keeps me paralyzed for a while.”

That was the last thing he thought he would hear from you. He would believe his ears, if he hadn’t starred at your lips the entire time. “Uhm, okay.”, he whispered and hit the joint one more time.

The longer you sat there with him, the more comfortable you two got. After talking the whole night about music and artists and stuff, you finally opened up.

You told him why you left your home town and moved to Birmingham.

And he told you in return something you would have expected either. “Just a few more months and I’ll be in the military.”

John didn’t look like a soldier or somebody who took pride in defending his country. You couldn’t understand, how a wonderful guy like him ended up serving the forces. It just didn’t seem to fit in. But then again, you knew him for a few hours now, so who are you to judge?

“I’m scared”, he whispered: “that nobody but my family will write me… and I’m going to be all alone in the middle of nowhere.”

That feeling was all too familiar for you. Your heart ached, when you glared at him. “I write you.”, you promised. “And phone you and what else.”

“You would?” His voice was full of doubt. “We don’t know each other really.”

It was true, but you always kept your promises. You moved closer to him, to hold his hand and look him in the eyes. “I would. I know this feeling too well.”

For one second you thought he was going to kiss you, and you were ready. The drumroll played, like it always did, when the first touch of two pairs of lips, unknown to each other, was close. But the drumroll was all you were going to get tonight. You kept staring at his beautiful mouth and how would it feel, when his lips meet yours. Infidelity has never been your thing and you would stay true to yourself, even when the chance was so tempting.

“Can you hold me?”, you asked, while avoiding his eyes. You felt pathetic for being so needy in front of a stranger, so you added: “Just for a while.”

John didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. Instead, he just pulled you in arms and stroke your back.

The two of you felt all alone in this broken world, but right there you met and became friends. What a weird thing to happen.

[chocoholicannanymous]

If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) Part XV

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI, pt VII, part VIII, part IX, part X, part XI, part XII, part XIII and part XIV.

Being Sebastian's boyfriend really isn't that much different from being his friend. They do a lot of the same things, and talk about the same stuff, only now there's hand-holding and kissing and cuddling with it. Apart from the touching though? Nothing really changes much.

Which kind of makes it sound like how it was with Blaine.

It's not though.

Sebastian will hold his hand in the hallway without worrying about being seen. And yes, Dalton is different from McKinley – so, so much different, and safer – but Blaine even hesitated to hold Kurt's hand in the choir room, surrounded by friends.

Sebastian kisses him in a way that never leaves Kurt doubting there's attraction, and has to stop his hands from wandering too far on a regular basis – yet never making Kurt worry he won't stop.

Sebastian makes Kurt have to stop himself, both from allowing it and from doing his own wandering. They're still too new to go there, no matter how much Kurt's hormones sit up and beg every time Sebastian touches him. (They'll get there, Kurt's sure, just... Step by step, and not yet.)

Sebastian reaches out for Kurt without looking – sometimes seemingly without thinking – to pull him close, and always makes a space for him.

And when Sebastian sings, it's with Kurt, or for him, not at him.

It's a far cry from scheduled make-outs and avoiding even PG13 levels of PDA and being made to feel like his boyfriend is more interested in his own hand than in Kurt.

It's amazing.

There's a rainbow rose hanging on Kurt's door on Valentine's day. He and Sebastian have been dating for two days – a day and a half, if he was to be picky – and Kurt knows from last year's insanity that there's not a flower shop within two hours of Vesterville that carries rainbow roses. They have to be ordered special, and with a lot more warning than two days.

Kurt's not the least bit ashamed about how he squeals, or how he turns on his heel and kisses his boyfriend (!) for long enough to be a little dizzy afterwards.

This isn't to say that Sebastian is a perfect boyfriend. He's not. Then again, neither is Kurt. He's working from romantic movies and the examples from the New directions, and of course from his time with Blaine. Neither is a good road map. Romantic movies have so many flaws Kurt don't really want to examine, and a lot of his favorites are set too far back in time to be useful as guidelines. The loves lives of his old glee mates are...well. They're flawed too, when seen without rose-colored glasses and envy.

As for his relationship with Blaine... Even if he's not counting how it ended that relationship was so very less than perfect, and honestly it was both their faults. Kurt's not without blame, he knows that and can admit it without somehow pretending what Blaine did wrong never happened.

So he's trying to learn from his mistakes, and other people's mistakes, and he does his best to communicate with Sebastian – who does the same in return.

Also, no one can say that they don't argue. They definitely do. They have from the beginning, and they're both opinionated passionate people, so why should they stop now? Their relationship has changed – they themselves haven't.

It's just that they manage to argue in a way that works. That doesn't makes Kurt pull out his claws to eviscerate Sebastian, that doesn't scare Kurt, or make him give in to “preserve the peace”. That, right there, was one of the things that had sent his relationship with Blaine down the wrong turn. When he'd first told his dad that he'd begun dating Blaine Burt Hummel had told him never to go to bed angry with his partner. He'd meant to sort out arguments and disagreements, but Kurt had interpreted it as needing to back down and push down his anger or hurt. With Sebastian he doesn't.

They argue, because that's who – and how – they are, but they do it in as mature and healthy way as they are able to, being teenagers. And they apologize if they step over the line. Not Kurt apologizes, regardless, with Sebastian pouting until he does, but both of them.

If Kurt had to, he'd call it damned near perfect. Instead he'll just say it's good, and he's happy.

That's never something to look down on.

The week of Regionals is weird. Kurt's never felt as prepared or as calm with a competition approaching, which is rather telling. The rest of the Warblers are a different story though. Kurt has made it clear that his primary goal is to beat the Troubletones, and his friends are feeling the pressure. They even ask if Kurt and Sebastian won't reconsider singing 'Human Nature'.

“Look, guys, I'm honored, really, that you would trust me, us like that. But I want to win more than I want that solo. And even if we ignore the fact that Ohio doesn't seem ready for a gay duet, I really do think the setlist we have is stronger as is. The Troubletones have a great presence, and both Mercedes and Santana are awesomely talented. However, everything about the Troubletones are built around them. The rest of the girls are background and dancing. If we go on with a number that's the same they are going to win, for no other reason than that most people find girls prettier and nicer to look at.

“But if we go on as an actual choir, for a show choir competition? We'll win. I'm sure of it. We've worked so hard with our songs, and I wouldn't change a thing about our setlist.”

And it's true. They have an amazing setlist, and everything flows in a way that makes Kurt feel practically professional, and he's not giving that – and its chance to win – up to stare longingly at Sebastian while singing a song that exposes them to the core.

No. Kurt's going to have quite a lot more time in the spotlight than he'd expected when turning down a proper solo. He's going to sing with his friends, and his boyfriend, and he's going to show McKinley what it means to be a team onstage.

The Troubletones are just as amazing onstage as Kurt thought. They've done a good job picking their songs, and Mercedes still has the best voice he's ever heard live. Santana's not quite as talented, but give her the right song – which these are – and she'll blow your mind. Their choreography showcases the girls poached from the Cheerios without making Mercedes look too far behind, and their clothes look good.

Kurt would vote for them any day, even with Rachel being given a place in the background, except this one. This is going to be his day. He meets Sebastians eyes as they line up and nods.

Showtime.

'I want You Back' does exactly what it's meant to, namely getting the audience in a party mood. As the last notes flows into the first from 'Man in the Mirror' the mood shifts and Kurt feels his own shift with it. His solo feels a little raw, because in no way can he sing those lines without being reminded of all the crap he's gone through over the past 6 months.

“...a willow deeply scared, somebody's broken heart and a washed out dream...”

Well. His heart might have been broken, and his dreams about Blaine did wash out. But he's got new dreams, and his hearts healed, and no matter the scars he's whole where it matters. And even if he wasn't? He's looking in the mirror, and he's changing.

They bring the party back with their last song, giving their all transforming the sounds of 'Beat It' to sounds that can be reproduced by the human throat. The dancing is the most demanding Kurt's ever done onstage, and he knows he will definitely be beat after. But they look and sound awesome, and that's all that matters.

Or maybe not, he ruefully thinks as he sees Finn on his feet, jumping up and down and whooping as the Warblers are proclaimed the winners and Rachel looks like she's been pelted with eggs again.

“You stole our songs!”

Of course. All Kurt wants to do is get on the bus, go back to Dalton and celebrate. Okay, shower, then celebrate. So naturally Rachel is waiting to ambush him. Well, that's not going to go the way she's probably thinking.

“Really? Really Rachel, you're going there? You know very well that we didn't steal anything. Oh, I know that there was a suggestion that the New Directions do Michael for Sectionals, but I also know that you were the one who refused to accept it.

“You really blew it there. Michael is a great choice for Sectionals or Regionals, what with the Ohio mindset, and I'm pretty sure you would have won with the setlist the guys suggested. I'm not surprised you put a stop to it though.”

Rachel draws back, looking first shocked, then insulted, then finally like an angry goose, complete with hissing sound. He's not letting it touch him though, lets it run over him, one might say, like water over a goose.

“There are no songs in Michael Jacksons discography that's a given for you, no certainty that you'll be featured. And in the end, that's what mattered, wasn't it? Not that the New Directions won, but that you won. You wanted to beat the Troubletones, didn't you? Wanted to show that you were better than Mercedes, wanted to prove that her beating you when auditioning for Maria was just a fluke. Wanted to prove what everyone knows, that's she's every bit as good as you, and sometimes better, is wrong.

“Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted in terms of the setlist and the spotlight, but you fucked up everything else. And not just for you, but for everyone.”

An expression of pain flies across Rachel's face, and he pushes the knife in a little bit further.

“We weren't as blind though. The minute Finn told me about the Michael setlist I knew it was a winner. As did the other Warblers. I asked Finn first, and Sam and Puck. They didn't think we needed their permission, as you didn't use the songs, but they gave it any way.”

Kurt looks at Rachel, looks at the way she's still fuming, still refusing to see any other side than her own. It won't matter what he says – she'll keep ignoring any and all arguments against her. Once he might have tried harder to make her understand, but as things are he just wants to leave. His boyfriend's waiting and that makes Kurt out of time to spend on his former friend.

“Your loss, our gain.”

He starts to leave, but thinks better of it. He's got one more jab in him.

“Oh, and Rachel? Don't worry. Going to Nationals is a privilege, and we won't waste it. We've already gotten started on a setlist.”

It's petty, but. So's she.

That evening the Warblers celebrate as thoroughly as a bunch of uniformed boys in a well-staffed boarding school can. This means that it's late when Kurt drags Sebastian to his room (unlike him Sebastian's in a single), but neither of them is under the influence of anything but happiness.

That's important to Kurt as they tumble into Sebastian's bed while kissing, because he doesn't want there to be any doubt in Sebastian's mind that when Kurt pulls off his shirt and then goes for his fly it's because he wants to.

Having Sebastian stop him is frustrating, to say the very least.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

It's only the fact that it's Sebastian, and that he's shown himself trustworthy in so many ways over the past months that stops Kurt from storming out.

“I thought we... You know?”

It's so hard to say, to open himself up like this, years of being told he's a predator, or ugly, or plain wrong getting just as much in his way as the fact that he's never done this, and the only time he's been even close wasn't even about him.

Apparently he's going to have to use his words regardless, because Sebastian's not taking the opening.

“I thought we could have sex.” There. Words. Consent. Door wide open.

And yet Sebastian's still not taking the opening.

“What's the hurry?”

Kurt pulls back a little, hurt blooming.

“No, no, don't. Talk to me, okay? I'm a bit surprised I guess. We haven't even been dating for two months yet, and I know this is new for you.”

“So? It's not like I'm waiting for marriage.”

Kurt knows he sounds a bit snippy, and he has sort of been waiting – not for marriage, but for something, some feeling of more. He's got that feeling with Sebastian, so what's the point of waiting any longer? Everyone else his age (or so it feels) is having sex so why can't he?

Some of it must bleed through because Sebastian gets that “aha” look, and nods a bit.

“Look, regardless of what I might have said or implied when chasing Blaine, I'm actually not the whore of Babylon. I have, however, rounded a few bases and enjoyed them. I think you'd enjoy them too, and I would love to find out first hand. But that doesn't have to mean we go straight to fucking.” Kurt blushes, because he might be ready to do it, but those words...

“So. I'm not going to push, and I'm not going to rush. I am more than interested though, I'm just happy to take it a bit slow. To build up to every step. As far as I'm concerned you've earned that.”

Sebastian's looking so earnest it kills Kurt annoyance, and then lightning-quick it's replaced by a vicked look than makes him shiver all over.

“I wouldn't mind showing you the first of many, many bases now though. How about it, babe?”

Kurt doesn't mind either, neither then nor the next day.