#also i went so hard on that shirt i literally made a mannequin out of sweaters and covered my windows i went FULL PHOTOSHOOT for that ref

[rendevok]

Moonlight visitor 🌒☁️

[hcneymilkks]

Month

A fake dating au but make it marriage. Two best friends scroll on social media and notice a trend where newlyweds send invites to famous celebrities to see what will happen? An appearance? A gift? Who knows. For the two best friends, as a joke, set up a fake wedding and request the most expensive gifts with the option of money. Sending invites to celebrities ranging from Kim Kardashian to even the Queen, they are surprised and shocked to realize that not only were gifts being delivered nearing the “big day” but a request to be part of the celebration causes the two friends to create a fake marriage in the smallest amount of time they have. 

University AU! Aged-up Haikyuu Characters!

Fashion Designer/Psychologist Oikawa

Humanities Y/N

Rain splattered on the window, causing little droplets here and there to roll down with no hesitation. The quiet hums of lo-fi music made its way around the little bedroom, with vigorous typing accompanying it. 

Backspace.

Enter. 

Click and delete. 

Brain throbbing, a sigh escaping from the lips.

It was no use, the longer the computer was stared at, the more your brain felt like mush.

“Damn him and using me to do his research analysis.”

Speak of the devil.

“Y/n!”

You stood up, turning around and crossing your arms with a glare. There he stood, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe with a sly smirk on his face.

Tooru Oikawa.

“How’s the report going? I hope to see it done by tomorrow?”

“Fuck you,” you strided over and pushed his arms, causing him to slightly lose balance. “Just tell me how you managed not getting kicked out yet. I swear you casted a spell on your professors or something. It's like you don’t do anything.”

He feigned hurt. “I do!” He whined. “Just not class related.” He pushed past you and flung yourself onto the bed, burying his face into your freshly washed sheets. “I’m designing a new clothing line inspired by the different volleyball team colours.”

“Is this your way at relieving the pain from not making it to nationals?” you snickered, remembering how pissed off he was after Ushijima told him he should have gone to Shiratorizawa.

“I-you little shit. This is why I never tell you things.”

“Shut up shittykawa you literally are making me do your research proposal. I know nothing about psychology!”

“I’m helping you learn a new subject! It’s time to look into your own brain and see what’s wrong with you!”

…

Three.

Two.

One.

“OIKAWA YOU LITTLE SHIT!” you flung yourself on top of him, garnering an oomph! sound. You smacked his back repeatedly. 

He let it have your way, already coming up with a counterattack. 

With stinging hands and shallow breaths after saying nothing but curses, you stopped and climbed off of him. Immediately, he’s on top of you. Pinning your wrists and getting dangerously closer to your neck. You couldn’t lie, he was attractive, but knowing him and his two-faced personality, you’d rather stay friends. 

But did you really want to?

A part of him knew you wanted him, but was that a risk you were willing to take?

Deep breaths. 

A low chuckle. “You love me y/n. I know you do, and I also know you’d do anything for me.” He smirked and pressed a kiss oh so close to your lips, getting up and dusting off his black shirt.

“I’m leaving! Remember, the paper has to be done by tomorrow!”

The door closed and for a moment you looked at your ceiling.

Eyes wide. 

Taking a pillow, you screamed into it.

“SHITTYKAWA!”

“Here you hoe, now for once in your life do your own work.”

You stomped into one of the many University studios, aiming the folder at Oikawa’s head much to his dismay.

“Thank you love you!”

You glared at him and waved a hand. “You definitely owe me like five bowls of ramen after what you put me through. I can’t believe you made me read so much on children’s brains and development.”

“I mean they said to choose something I liked, so children and volleyball worked together. Plus, if I actually had to conduct the research, my nephew’s volleyball club would have been perfect.” He finally turned around after pinning the teal fabric to the mannequin, striding towards you and ruffling your hair.

You mumbled incoherent curses as Oikawa picked up his sketchbook, writing down a quick note before closing it.

“Let’s go, I’m starving.”

The fragrant air of spices and creamy broth filled the little shop, making you drool. Grateful that Oikawa was rich, you took the opportunity to order almost everything on the menu.

“Y/n isn’t that-” you growled at him and he smirked.

“Feisty, you know I love that.” he winked and you gagged.

While waiting for the food, both of you were scrolling on Instagram. Having most of the same friends, it was no surprise that your timelines almost looked identical. Rolling his eyes, Oikawa saw a group photo of most of the volleyball players Hinata was pictured with, wanting nothing more than to squish the little one. 

But then something caught your eyes. 

You looked up at Oikawa who seemingly had the same expression, eyes wide, yet confused.

The dead groupchat came back to life with a link sent by Matsukawa, something about a bet.

matthewkawa 

Look at this lol

Sent a link

[Youtube storytime: The Time I Invited Drake to My Wedding (Spoiler Alert: He Came!)]

hannamaki

Wait why would someone invite a celebrity? Aren’t they hard to ask?

nishinoyya

Wait that’s cool! Asahi-san can we invite Jason Derulo to our wedding?

acai

Wait...what? What wedding?

y/n

Waittt i’ve seen that video

Apparently as a joke the person sent lots of invites to different celebrities. Most of them gave gifts or money but I guess Drake went

iwachew

LOOL IMAGINE Y/N AND CRAPPYKAWA DOING THAT

yoyoinata

I can see that woah!

milkyama

Psh! Flattykawa and y/n. I can’t see it. y/n deserves better lol

fabkawa

OI TAKE THAT BACK STUPID

y/n

Oi don’t talk back to my child like that shittykawa

fabkawa

Shut up y/n and eat your ramen

You glared at him before saying thank you to the waiter. Both minds now occupied with the creamy ramen and soft boiled egg. 

Flipping a page, you smiled. There it was, the fake couple who both fell for each other, breaking so many rules. But who couldn’t resist?

Oikawa scrolled on the computer, typing and clicking. He swiveled around in his seat and went over to you, peering over your shoulder.

You smacked his arm. “Personal space excuse me!” He put his arm up in defence, smirking.

“Remember the post Matsukawa sent?

“Yeah. So what?”

“I made the wedding on May 14th and invited some celebrities. Who did you want to send an invite to?”

You dropped the book. “Say what?”

Oikawa dragged you from his bed and sat you down on his uncomfy chair. Indeed, the computer screen showed a cheesy website where people rsvp to weddings. Already half of the groupchat accepted and you know this had to be a joke.

“Oikawa are you dumb? Who are you marrying? Wait no, who would want to marry you?” you looked at him and he pouted.

“Iwa-chan said no, Mad Dog scares me, Ushijima is definitely a no, so you’re left.”

“Who said I would do it?”

“I invited Stray Kids.”

Are you kidding me?

“This isn’t real, we’re not gonna really get married right? I mean if we were technically speaking, the wedding is less than a month away and we don’t have money, a reception place or any other sappy wedding shit.” You looked at the list and sure enough, Stray Kids was there.

“No y/n nothing is going to happen trust me. Plus, who doesn’t like free gifts? I tried to ask for expensive gifts and money because someone’s wardrobe and apartment looks ugly as hell.”

“You better not be talking about me bitch. I’m gonna set that sketchbook on fire.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Add some more people on the list, I wanna see how far this can get.”

“I never said I agreed to it,” you mumbled but nonetheless added in a few of your favourite celebrities, including the queen. 

After all, if this worked, free money. What’s the harm in that?”

A lot went wrong after that.

It was three am a week after the planning and your phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Grumbling, you answered the call without looking at the number…..which was a stupid mistake.

“Y/N! HOW DO I CANCEL THE WEDDING?!”

“Relax Papi you said nothing would happen? Free money right?” you yawned not even realizing what you said.

Oikawa sputtered on the other line, shaking his head and ignoring how you called him Papi for some reason. “Yeah but uh...we have a little problem.” 

“Hm…”

“Jason Derulo accepted the invite ...and he can’t wait to see the ceremony.”

From that moment, you were fully awake. “WHAT?!!”

“What do you mean you can’t cancel the wedding?” you rubbed at your temples, losing more brain cells by the minute.

"Okay so apparently my last name is common around celebrities, seeing as my father owns different restaurants. So it’s not a surprise to them that they wouldn’t attend the wedding.’

“Fuck.” you breathed out. How did the both of you not realize this?

“Okay so um..what now?”

Oikawa ruffled his air. “We go through with it.”

"Fuck no.” 

“What why?”

You’re the one who thought of this crazy idea! It’s all your fault!” 

“But you’re the one who put Jason Derulo in there!”’

You smacked your forehead. “It was a joke and for free money! Look what you got us into.”

Yells back and forth, each blaming the other. It was like the night wasn’t going to end soon. Tired from the arguing, you smacked Oikawa’s chest. “Stupid,” you mumbled. “I don’t want to do this!”

Oikawa scratched the back of his neck. “But what if I want to?” You looked up at him confused. “You know, like how Hinata and Tobio fake dated but then became boyfriends.”

“Oikawa, that’s different. That’s dating, this is marriage. It’s adult stuff, I can barely cook!”

“I’ll cook for you.”

You walked away from him, going towards his balcony. The view was beautiful, seeing various stars and the lights shining from Tokyo. “This is too much for me to handle. You're a pain, you know that?”

He wrapped his arms around you and instinctively you snuggled closer to his chest, facing the view so he wouldn’t see your red cheeks.

"Remember when we were children? And we had a whole promise that we would be with each other forever?” you laughed. The classic child marriage pact. It was as if almost all friendships started with that promise. A promise to love and stay with each other no matter what.

“That’s child play.”

He started to rub circles with his thumbs on your arms, you feeling relaxed. “One month. Give me one month after the wedding. We’ll go on a honeymoon to London, I'll teach you how to cook, you can live with me, we can adopt a puppy.” Oikawa gulped and looked at you. “And if you don’t like it, we can pretend none of this happened. In fact i’ll stop bothering you with my assignments and my presence.”

One month. That sounded like a challenge. A challenge that Oikawa was willing to risk everything for. A month to make you fall for him.

“...so we’re splitting the gifts and money equally then, right?”

A/N: I’m back! This has been in my drafts for months. At first it was supposed to be Yuto from Pentagon but after getting into Haikyuu I was like fuck it and changed it to Oikawa. Also because yes LMAO. I hope you all liked it and let me know your comments! Part two will be in the works if people want it, for now its a oneshot aha. 

Much love!

tags: @babyworld , @bakuhoes-dumbass

[shhhlikeme]

Hi love, just wanted to say that you’re so gorgeous and have a lovely smile. I’m a dark skin black girl and have often been told/read hurtful posts about us, but now I’m more confident than ever about being a dark skin girl 🥰.If it’s not too much to ask could you do any character you want with that has a date with his s/o and when he arrives she just glowing in her yellow dress. Like idk if you get the vibe I’m tryna put down but the melanin is hitting different 🤤

Thank you so much for the compliments omg ❤️❤️❤️

BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE beautiful! I know black women don’t hear that a lot and that’s why I will tell y’all everyday if I need to. Also, today is national economic blackout day for the culture, therefore I waited to post this today.

& as per your message I absolutely get the vibe!!!!! And you know I had to choose the GOAT Akaashi for this since you left it up to me👀

Here goes:

————————————-

Akaashi Keiji x Black Crush In a Beautiful Yellow Dress (Fluff)

————————————-

Akaashi was NOT ready.

You and Akaashi had been besties for 10 or so years, because your moms have been in the same book club since elementary school

Even though you recently graduated from to different high schools, you both had a good and healthy friendship

You knew that he wasn’t big on talking a lot but you spoke even less than him so it honestly worked well

He was into volleyball and you were really serious about dance

Your moms would always say you just “get” eachother

To Keiji, he was content with having the best of both worlds as best friends: Bokuto: the loud boisterous one, and You: the quiet, beautiful one

Wait did he say beautiful? He meant um... the quiet, wallflower one. sure

Nah he definitely meant beautiful too.

Tbh, Akaashi was very attracted to you via your personality because you were thoughtful, intelligent and relaxing to be around

He thinks of you as the human embodiment of a warm bath at the end of a moving day

And as for your looks.....

Bokuto put his best friends physical attraction to you into words best when he said:

“You want to have Y/N’s babies, don’t you Akaashi? Hmmmmm?”

Akaashi, deadpanning asf, would always answer

“No I do not.”

But when Bokuto would continuously catch him on your instagram page he would keep asking like the pushy friend he is.

At Bokuaka sleepovers, or when they were completely alone is the only time Akaashi would reluctantly but honestly respond to Bokuto’s question with a:

“I wouldn’t mind.”

which is basically undying admission of love by Akaashi standards

Basically, he was crushing on you hard

He admired your dark hair that you always changed into different styles because he never understood how you made them all look attractive

He admired your full lips that he always seemed to have to internally yell at himself to stop staring at when you spoke

He admired your kind and gentle spirit that always seemed to gravitate toward earth tones in attire-expression and he never seemed to understand why

He guessed that being the wallflower that you are; dark colours like black, brown, beige, grey, moss, etc. Acted as a shield as to not bring too much attention to you

He didn’t really care that you stuck to wearing earth tones because you looked beautiful no matter what you wore

But in his dreams he’d always pictured you in bright pink, blue, orange lingerie shirts

He was curious so he asked one day

totally not because he wanted to know how realistic his dreams could be

“Y/N, why do you only wear dark colours?” Asked the most beautiful guy in the world Akaashi as he turned the steering wheel making a left onto the parkway.

The two of you were going to his brother’s wedding rehearsal dinner. You had decided to wear a simple dark button down blouse tucked into a grey pencil skirt. Your curly hair was up in a messy bun and you had your glasses on. You thought you looked whatever.

Akaashi, on the other hand, thought you looked stunning. And like a hot librarian. He tried his best to keep his eyes on the road and not your exposed legs as you sat beside him in the passenger seat.

“Do I?” You looked down at yourself and sighed. You’d never really noticed before, but he was right. You just felt more comfortable in tones that didn’t make you stand out.

“Yeah. Why don’t you try wearing a bright colour sometime? I think......I think you’d look really nice.” Keiji’s eyes looked unaffected as ever but inside he was kicking himself for flirting with you, knowing how shy you are.

“Oh, okay.” Your heart fluttered at your friend’s compliment and you distracted yourself by taking your eyeglasses off and using your blouse collar to clean it where it opened on your chest.

Akaashi almost crashed because when you did that your blouse opened more exposing your glowing chocolate skin. In his mind, his imagination took over and he pulled over to ravish your beautiful skin by ripping open the blouse and kissing your gorgeous dark skin. His eyes glazed over as he imagined you telling him that you want him closer than this car allowed and so he dropped your seat down and got on top of you, kissing your delicious lips and then going back to taste your delicious skin. You were moaning in his ear which was the best sound he’s ever heard and then it was his turn to moan when you reached down to stroke his hard........

“KEIJI-SAN WATCH OUT!”

Keiji was thrust back into reality when he rapidly swerved back into his own car lane. The first thing he did was check to see if you were okay and he was able to breathe again when he saw you looking back at him laughing that angelic laugh. You placed your glasses back on your beautiful face and Akaashi apologized. He asked if you were scared and wanted him to stop driving because he was obviously a new driver. You only placed a hand on his arm and shook your head, assuring him in your quiet voice.

“It’s okay Kashi’, I know you’re a great driver. I trust you.”

“Y-you do?”

“Of course. I trust you more than anyone.” You gave him that smile that he thinks about before he goes to sleep every night and just like that he relaxed and all was well in the world again. He thought back to Bokuto’s daily question, admitting to himself that he not only wanted to have your babies, he wanted to have the pleasure of calling you his girlfriend or anything higher. He’d definitely accept wife.

“Maybe I’ll go shopping with my mom and find a colour to wear to the wedding, you know, take your advice.”

“That would be great.” He pulled into the beach wedding venue parking lot. “I’m ready to see the new Y/N.”

But Akaashi was NOT ready

He was absolutely the furthest thing from ready, 3 weeks later, when he picked you up on his brothers wedding day.

He knew you were still getting ready inside and so he decided to enjoy the weather and lean on his car hood to wait

You never took long because you were a natural beauty, but you put on a little bit of makeup today

You grabbed your clutch and touched up your edge control before spritzing yourself with some of Akaashi’s favourite perfume

You went outside and locked your door.

Turning around, you literally wanted to freeze this moment in time, because THE Keiji Akaashi—literally the most stunning boy 90% of girls have ever seen—was standing outside of his car, much to your surprise

He had his navy blue tuxedo jacket folded over his left arm and he wore a light grey dress shirt underneath held together by a black bow tie. His disheveled hair looked like he had sat in the barber chair of Jesus himself and he hadn’t noticed your arrival yet since you were still on the steps of your deck.

You took a second to compose yourself before stepping toward him as if everything was normal—as if you weren’t lawlessly crushing on this man.

Hearing your heels clack on the smoothed pavement, Akaashi lifted his head up to see you

Remember when I said he was not ready?

Allow me to show you exactly what he wasn’t ready for:

Akaashi felt as though all the air left his lungs when he saw you.

He told you to wear a bright colour but he didn’t know the yellow dress and your dark skin-combo would make him feel like crying

After seeing you in greys and blacks and dull nudes his whole life and still looking pretty, he couldn’t handle himself when you wore a colour that accurately communicated how he sees you: like his literal light

“Good God,” Akaashi gulped.

Keiji is a well-known quiet guy, but even his loudest friend Bokuto wouldn’t be able to beat how loud his emotions screamed at him from inside when he looked at you. You literally had him by the heartstrings, looking like that.

He realized that he is embarassed to admit all that he would give to see you in a yellow bra and panty set.

You smiled up and him and did a spin, so he could see the full picture of the dress. His eyes missed the dress because he couldn’t stop looking at your face.

“I saw it on a mannequin at the mall the other day and never thought my skin would go with it... but after what you said I went back to get it and—“

“Y/N. You— you look—-that colour—-your skin—-You—I—Good....God,” he repeated himself. Akaashi was only slightly disappointed that he couldn’t express to you how much your skin tone WAS MADE for this colour. You were magical.... a queen.

He didn’t want to go to his brothers wedding anymore. He wanted to stand there and stare at the way the sunlight hit your complexion and glistened. He wanted to stand there and have you spin around for him again. He wanted to have your mf-ing babies.

“You’re doing that thing again, Kashi. The thing you did in the car? Don’t we have to go pick up Bokuto, now? Let’s go!”

You gave him a ‘chop chop’ snap and climbed in the car.

When you got in you were so thankful for your dark skin because your blush wasn’t showing. The way your best friend has been looking at you was too passionate, too deep, too full of emotional and physical desire. It made you want to tell him your feelings.

outside, Keiji had still been in a trance, letting out one more “Good.....God,” before he had to literally slapped himself and hopped in the car.

Think of Bokuto Think of Bokuto Think of Bokuto, he chanted internally before pulling out of your driveway.

Speaking of the devil......

“AKAAAASHI!” Yelled his grey-headed best friend as he pulled open the back door of his car. “And, who’s that—wait—Y/N?!”

You gave your best friend’s best friend a weak smile. You were so embarassed by the way he was looking at you.

Bokuto slammed the door behind him and applauded loudly. “Now, I’ve always been jealous whenever you take my Akaashi away from me because he wants to spend time with you, but now I understand why. You’re a 10 when you aren’t hiding behind those freaking vampire colours!!!”

“Bokuto.” Akaashi reprimanded his annoying friend and Bokuto pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key.

Meanwhile, you were regretting wearing this colour. It drew the attention that you always tried hard to avoid.

Akaashi noticed your internal regret, even while driving....so he reached over to place a hand on your thigh.

“Y/N, you said you trust me right?”

You looked at him for a second before nodding.

Keiji elevated at the admission. “Then, trust me when I say you look beautiful. I’m so happy you wore that dress today.”

You smiled, that smile only reserved for him again, and he just about proposed on the spot.

“AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Hey, hey, hey! Maybe you two love birds should be the ones getting marr—“

Akaashi deadpanned in the rear view mirror, catching Bokuto’s eye immediately. “Bokuto.”

Frightened, Bokuto muttered a quick “Shutting up.” Before actually doing so.

Don’t get him wrong. Akaashi was happy to have his best guy friend at the wedding.

Very happy.

Because Boku was like an alarm...warning him whenever he was acting like a freak around the the girl he has a crush on

Bokuto would just nudge him and smirk whenever Akaashi was drawing attention to himself because he was looking at you in the crowd when his attention should be on his brother and his fiancé saying their vows.

When Akaashi saw you and your mom run over to dip your feet in the water on the beach, then run away because a cold wave hit up to your shins, your smile radiant and your yellow dress flying in the wind, Bokuto nudged him again because he was staring when he had to take pictures with the groom

At night, when Keiji was throwing back shots way more than Bokuto knew his best friend to even like, simply because one of his brothers groomsmen had been talking to you for the better part of the hour and he didn’t fucking like it, Bokuto not only nudged Keiji but he told the bartender to cut him off.

“Go talk to Y/N.” Bokuto grabbed the drink out of Keiji’s hand and drank it.

Akaashi shook his head. “No. S-she’s out of my league.”

Bokuto scoffed. “You do know that you’re literally the best looking person I’ve ever seen in my life right? Like seriously. You look like your face was made in a fucking lab. By chicks. By hot chicks, like Y/N, working together to come up with concoctions to Science their way to make the best looking dude—“

Keiji rolled his eyes. “Is there a point coming at the end of this?”

“Yeah. There is, impatient pants. I was going to say that I wonder if the hot chicks who made you wore bikinis the whole time while they leaned over eachother fighting over the pencil for the blueprint sketches—“

“A point about Y/N, Bokuto! Y/N. The only girl I care about. The only girl I want to talk about. Come back down to this earth. Where. Is. The. Point?”

“Oh. Yeah. Geez, take a chill pill will ya?”

“Bokuto......” He warned. Already on edge because you were now slow dancing with that guy at the wedding instead of being the wallflower you usually were. He liked it better when he was the only one who noticed you. In a way.... But then he remembered how colourful you looked when you got complimented all day and he immediately retracted the thought. Akaashi wanted nothing more than for you to reach your fullest potential, and wearing colours that expressed your beauty would be step one. He yearned to be the one who could bring you up the rest of the steps, because he’d tell you everyday how damn amazing you are. He just wished you weren’t so damn alluring to the majority of men.

Bokuto held his hands up in surrender. “Damn! Okay. Look, my point is...that it doesn’t matter how good looking you are or Y/N is, because everyone knows that even if you two were fugly you’d still have the love story of the generation because your connection is on a whole other level.”’

“What?” Keiji jeered. He didn’t like the idea of your name and ‘anything but beautiful’ being in the same sentence.

“Man, chill. Look, I won’t say anything else. I’m just going to grab Y/N from Mr. I-Didn’t-Make-It-To-The-NFL-But-I-Can-Still-Pull-A-Trophy-Wife over there. When she gets here, try not to ‘Good God’ her to death, hm? She’s gorgeous, yes, but like I said—so are you. Inside and out.”

Without listening to his denial like always, Bokuto somehow slipped in to the dance you were currently having and began dancing with Y/N

As a dancer, you loved moments when you could do it, and Akaashi was falling harder for you every time you spun around elegantly

Bokuto made some bs excuse about not being able to dance for long and waved his best friend over

Akaashi’s legs moved automatically because he has been wanting to be near you the entire night.

Like a fairytale ball sequence, Bokuto handed you off and you were now met with the waiting and hesitant arms of your best friend

Keiji asked if it was alright to touch your waist and you smiled and said yes

As you two danced, you going at the pace you knew Akaashi would be best at.....you took a second to really feel the energy

Your bodies were like magnets and you two were feeling the pull like never before

you leaned forward to rest your head against your best friends chest as you settled into a simple back and forth sway

As he held your waist closer and rubbed his thumbs soothingly in the crevice of your back dimples......

You understood that what you were now feeling was love

What you’ve been feeling for months, what you felt when you spoke to him of trust, when you watched him drive, when he put an extra blanket on you when you two watched movies, when he looked at you in your yellow dress, when you rested your head on his chest.....your mind, body and soul were all telling you one thing. They were louder than ever now. Shouting at you to tell Akaashi those 3 magic words so you two could see where the next level of your relationship would take you. It wouldn’t take much to say—

“I love you.”

Flabbergasted with yourself, you jumped back from his chest so you were looking at him. You couldn’t believe you had the audacity to say it!!!!!

Your mind now jumbled, you thought of an excuse to blame it on the 0% alcohol you had had before you realized..........that you don’t have a deep voice............nor have you opened your mouth since you rested your head on your best friend’s chest.......

“Wh-what?” You asked breathlessly.

Akaashi was looking down at you, confident that he had made you wear a dress that brought out your beauty so fiercely that it ultimately forced him to confess.

“I love you, Y/N. And if we’re always talking about trust......Then trust me when I tell you that I think I always have.”

----------------

I find I enjoy writing both nsfw and fluff equally and you guys request it basically half and half, so the next post will be much more smutty cause you know--balance. 

[hotsayce]

March 24: Flower Crown

Pairing: WAYV Lucas X Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 7.5K

Summary: You and Lucas go on a date to the park and you want to start conversations but talking is hard 🙄

A/N: This prompt was for March 24, I am just slow. And sorry if there is awkward space between the paragraphs, posting from a phone is difficult 😒

*Knock knock knock*

The door in front of you opens and you’re welcomed by Bella. Crouching down to pet her, you ask if she had opened the door for you. She leans her head into your hands as a response. Out of the corner of your eye you see the door move back a bit until a tall, brown haired man appears in front of you. Lucas greets you with a bright smile.

“There you are!” You get up from petting Bella and give Lucas a small hug before realizing what you were doing and quickly step back. “I knew Bella couldn’t open doors by herself.” you try to joke off your awkward interaction.

He chuckles. “Not yet at least.” You both stand there grinning at each other, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Are you ready to go to the park!?” Lucas asks rather loudly. You were startled by how loud his question was. You had asked Lucas if he wanted to walk around the park with you today. Normally, you weren’t one to voluntarily spend that much time outside but you knew how often Lucas went to the park to walk Bella (Xiaojun told you:)) and you wanted to find a way to spend time with him.

“Um, yeah I’m ready! Are you?” you question back at Lucas.

He starts looking around the living room. “Yeah I just need to go get Bella’s leash.” Lucas disappears behind the door again, Bella right behind him, and you decide to stay in the doorway instead of following him inside. You see Ten walk in the hallway and wave to him but instead of waving back at you he grins, glancing between you and Lucas, and then winks at you before walking in a different room. Your cheeks begin to warm. Does he know? You hadn’t told anyone else at the WayV dorm that you liked Lucas except for Xiaojun and you knew he wouldn’t tell anyone without your permission. Before you have the time to overthink every single second of whenever you hang out with Lucas to wonder whether your crush has been obvious, Lucas pops back in the doorway holding Bella’s leash in one hand and a dog rope toy in the other.

“We’re ready!” Your fears of your obviousness dissipated upon seeing how happy Lucas was to hang out with you. But without him taking even one step out of the door, you hear Ten call out from the back of the dorm, “Hey Lucas, can you go pick up some Oreos while you’re out? Yangyang is mad that I ate them all.”

“No Y/N and I are going on a da-” Lucas looks at you nervously before changing his words to “we’re going to the park.”

You smile to yourself at Lucas’ hesitation and step aside so he can lock the door, but you swear you see Ten leaning on a wall, smirking at you before the door closes.

Off we go I guess.

~~~~~~~

It wasn’t that long of a walk to the park that you two were going to. You just had to pass a couple of shops on the way. Nothing wrong with a couple of shops to walk by, other than the fact that neither of you really talked the whole time. Both of you were too afraid to say something stupid so you kept your mouths shut.

“The weather is really pretty today.” No that’s so dumb. “That’s a cool leash you got there.” Literally what. “You wouldn’t happen to know why Ten- “

“You look good today”

Your thoughts are interrupted by Lucas once again.

“I do?”

“Well yeah.” Lucas looks at your top. “That’s a pretty fancy shirt to wear for a walk in the park.”

You look down at your outfit. Your shirt was a bit too classy for a regular park outing and you scold yourself internally.

“I guess it is a bit too fancy.” You laugh awkwardly, fiddling with Bella’s rope toy that you told Lucas you could carry.

Looking straight ahead Lucas said “It’s okay. I like it.”

Your eyes widen and you look to your opposite side, hoping he wouldn’t notice the big smile on your face. Not knowing Lucas was turned the opposite way as well so you wouldn’t notice the satisfied expression on his face either.

You continue walking in a comfortable silence, Lucas right beside you and Bella trotting in front of you both. Each time you walk past a shop, you look into the windows to see what they sell but it wasn’t until you passed a particular shop that your eyes lingered a bit longer. You saw a beautiful flower crown sitting on one of the mannequins in the window. You’ve got half a mind to buy it but decide against it since you really don’t need one. Though the whole time you were staring at the flower crown, Lucas had his eyes on you and could tell you wanted something from the store.

You two finally arrive at the park and immediately after Lucas takes off her leash, Bella runs off to play with the other dogs there.

“Guess we didn’t really need this.” you say gesturing towards the rope toy Lucas had given you earlier.

Lucas laughs. “Maybe she’ll want to play with us later.

Finding a nice spot in the shade, you two sit down together on a bench, not too close but not too far apart either. Lucas’ hand sits in between you two and you fight everything inside of you to reach down and hold it. Too soon Y/N. At least talk to the boy first.The comfortable silence from earlier resumes. Except this time it’s not as comfortable; it’s obvious that both of you want to talk, but neither of you have the words.

You decide to talk about something easy then. Dogs.

“I had a dog when I was younger.” Lucas looks over at you. “Really? What kind?”

Looking back at him has made your mind go blank and for some reason you can’t remember the species of your dog that you had for 13 years. His soft eyes were just too much so you had to look away.

“Mm I’m pretty sure he was a Beagle too, like Bella.” (LIAR!) He was a boxer and you know it.

Lucas turns toward you even more. “Aw really? Do you have any pictures of him?”

You hesitate before saying. “No I’m pretty sure all my pictures of him are on my computer back at home.” (LIAR! part 2.) You had plenty of old pictures of your dog still on your phone but showing Lucas would reveal that you weren’t telling the truth.

“That’s okay. Maybe one day I can come over and we can look at pictures of him then.” Lucas smiles at you reassuringly and you feel bad knowing one day that you’ll have to tell him the truth but today was not that day.

Silence again. Watching all the dogs run around and play was entertaining though you would much rather prefer talking with him.

“Thank you for inviting me today.” Lucas says.

“Uh no problem! I love coming to the park.” (LIAR! part 3.)

Lucas’ eyebrows raise. “Really? I come here all the time with Bella and we’ve never seen you before.”

Before you have time to lie straight through your teeth again, Bella bounds up to Lucas’ feet panting.

“Hey girl.” He bends down to pet her and you silently tell her thank you in your head.

“Hey Y/N can you watch Bella for a bit?” Lucas stands up and both you and Bella glance up at him with questioning looks.

“Of course. But where are you going?”

He starts to back up. “Um, I just need to get something.” Then he turns around without another word and begins to walk back from where you guys came. He probably left because he’s sitting with someone who doesn’t know how to hold a simple conversation.

You exhale a breath that seems like you’d been holding forever and slump into the bench. Bella jumps up and sits beside you, laying her head in your lap.

“What am I doing Bella?” You didn’t know why you were so nervous. Normally you and Lucas talk fine whenever you’re with the others but now that you’re alone, you feel that you can’t keep a conversation. You didn’t want to ruin anything with him or make things awkward so it was so hard to talk to him. Lucas was always so sweet to you and you loved talking with him but it was so much easier to not embarrass yourself when you weren’t alone.

~~~~~~~

Still in your thoughts, you don’t hear Lucas come up behind you.

“I got something for you”

You nearly jump at the sound of Lucas’ voice and turn around to see his hands behind his back.

“You got me something? Why?”

Without making eye contact with you Lucas just says, “I thought you would really like it.”

Lucas motions for you to close your eyes so he can give you whatever item he bought. You don’t expect his gift to be placed on your head and when you take it off to look at it you gasp. In your hands is the flower crown you saw earlier, made up of intricate gold wiring and little white flowers.

“Lucas why’d you buy this for me?”

He beams knowing you like your gift. “I saw you staring at it when we passed by that shop. I thought you were going to buy it but then you didn’t, so I thought I’d go ahead and get it for you” You were still staring at the beautiful crown in your hands. Lucas adds, “I also just thought you’d look really pretty in it.”

You smile at Lucas and throw your arms around him, not feeling the need to step back this time. He hugs you back until you finally pull away and notice he’s looking down so you try to lock eyes with him while putting the crown back on your head.

“Thank you Lucas, this is really sweet.”

He looks back at you and grins. “It’s nothing. I’m glad you like it”

Sitting back down on the bench with Lucas to throw Bella her dog toys, you notice the air around you is much less tense than before. It’s also very apparent that the space on the bench between you both has gotten much smaller.

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift: ‘I was literally about to break’

By: Laura Snapes for The Guardian Date: August 24th 2019

Taylor Swift’s Nashville apartment is an Etsy fever dream, a 365-days-a-year Christmas shop, pure teenage girl id. You enter through a vestibule clad in blue velvet and covered in gilt frames bursting with fake flowers. The ceiling is painted like the night sky. Above a koi pond in the living area, a narrow staircase spirals six feet up towards a giant, pillow-lagged birdcage that probably has the best view in the city. Later, Swift will tell me she needs metaphors “to understand anything that happens to me”, and the birdcage defies you not to interpret it as a pointed comment on the contradictions of stardom.

Swift, wearing pale jeans and dip-dyed shirt, her sandy hair tied in a blue scrunchie, leads the way up the staircase to show me the view. The decor hasn’t changed since she bought this place in 2009, when she was 19. “All of these high rises are new since then,” she says, gesturing at the squat glass structures and cranes. Meanwhile her oven is still covered in stickers, more teenage diary than adult appliance.

Now 29, she has spent much of the past three years living quietly in London with her boyfriend, actor Joe Alwyn, making the penthouse a kind of time capsule, a monument to youthful naivety given an unlimited budget – the years when she sang about Romeo and Juliet and wore ballgowns to awards shows; before she moved to New York and honed her slick, self-mythologising pop.

It is mid-August. This is Swift’s first UK interview in more than three years, and she seems nervous: neither presidential nor goofy (her usual defaults), but quick with a tongue-out “ugh” of regret or frustration as she picks at her glittery purple nails. We climb down from the birdcage to sit by the pond, and when the conversation turns to 2016, the year the wheels came off for her, Swift stiffens as if driving over a mile of speed bumps. After a series of bruising public spats (with Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj) in 2015, there was a high-profile standoff with Kanye West. The news that she was in a relationship with actor Tom Hiddleston, which leaked soon after, was widely dismissed as a diversionary tactic. Meanwhile, Swift went to court to prosecute a sexual assault claim, and faced a furious backlash when she failed to endorse a candidate in the 2016 presidential election, allowing the alt-right to adopt her as their “Aryan princess”.

Her critics assumed she cared only about the bottom line. The reality, Swift says, is that she was totally broken. “Every domino fell,” she says bitterly. “It became really terrifying for anyone to even know where I was. And I felt completely incapable of doing or saying anything publicly, at all. Even about my music. I always said I wouldn’t talk about what was happening personally, because that was a personal time.” She won’t get into specifics. “I just need some things that are mine,” she despairs. “Just some things.”

A year later, in 2017, Swift released her album Reputation, half high-camp heel turn, drawing on hip-hop and vaudeville (the brilliantly hammy Look What You Made Me Do), half stunned appreciation that her nascent relationship with Alwyn had weathered the storm (the soft, sensual pop of songs Delicate and Dress).

Her new album, Lover, her seventh, was released yesterday. It’s much lighter than Reputation: Swift likens writing it to feeling like “I could take a full deep breath again”. Much of it is about Alwyn: the Galway Girl-ish track London Boy lists their favourite city haunts and her newfound appreciation of watching rugby in the pub with his uni mates; on the ruminative Afterglow, she asks him to forgive her anxious tendency to assume the worst.

While she has always written about relationships, they were either teenage fantasy or a postmortem on a high-profile breakup, with exes such as Jake Gyllenhaal and Harry Styles. But she and Alwyn have seldom been pictured together, and their relationship is the only other thing she won’t talk about. “I’ve learned that if I do, people think it’s up for discussion, and our relationship isn’t up for discussion,” she says, laughing after I attempt a stealthy angle. “If you and I were having a glass of wine right now, we’d be talking about it – but it’s just that it goes out into the world. That’s where the boundary is, and that’s where my life has become manageable. I really want to keep it feeling manageable.”

Instead, she has swapped personal disclosure for activism. Last August, Swift broke her political silence to endorse Democratic Tennessee candidate Phil Bredesen in the November 2018 senate race. Vote.org reported an unprecedented spike in voting registration after Swift’s Instagram post, while Donald Trump responded that he liked her music “about 25% less now”.

Meanwhile, her recent single You Need To Calm Down admonished homophobes and namechecked US LGBTQ rights organisation Glaad (which then saw increased donations). Swift filled her video with cameos from queer stars such as Ellen DeGeneres and Queen singer Adam Lambert, and capped it with a call to sign her petition in support of the Equality Act, which if passed would prohibit gender- and sexuality-based discrimination in the US. A video of Polish LGBTQ fans miming the track in defiance of their government’s homophobic agenda went viral. But Swift was accused of “queerbaiting” and bandwagon-jumping. You can see how she might find it hard to work out what, exactly, people want from her.

***

It was girlhood that made Swift a multimillionaire. When country music’s gatekeepers swore that housewives were the only women interested in the genre, she proved them wrong. Her self-titled debut marked the longest stay on the Billboard 200 by any album released in the decade. A potentially cloying image – corkscrew curls, lyrics thick on “daddy” and down-home values – were undercut by the fact she was evidently, endearingly, a bit of a freak, an unusual combination of intensity and artlessness. Also, she was really, really good at what she did, and not just for a teenager: her entirely self-written third album, 2010’s Speak Now, is unmatched in its devastatingly withering dismissals of awful men.

As a teenager, Swift was obsessed with VH1’s Behind The Music, the series devoted to the rise and fall of great musicians. She would forensically rewatch episodes, trying to pinpoint the moment a career went wrong. I ask her to imagine she’s watching the episode about herself and do the same thing: where was her misstep? “Oh my God,” she says, drawing a deep breath and letting her lips vibrate as she exhales. “I mean, that’s so depressing!” She thinks back and tries to deflect. “What I remember is that [the show] was always like, ‘Then we started fighting in the tour bus and then the drummer quit and the guitarist was like, “You’re not paying me enough.”’’’

But that’s not what she used to say. In interviews into her early 20s, Swift often observed that an artist fails when they lose their self-awareness, as if repeating the fact would work like an insurance against succumbing to the same fate. But did she make that mistake herself? She squeezes her nose and blows to clear a ringing in her ears before answering. “I definitely think that sometimes you don’t realise how you’re being perceived,” she says. “Pop music can feel like it’s The Hunger Games, and like we’re gladiators. And you can really lose focus of the fact that that’s how it feels because that’s how a lot of stan [fan] Twitter and tabloids and blogs make it seem – the overanalysing of everything makes it feel really intense.”

She describes the way she burned bridges in 2016 as a kind of obliviousness. “I didn’t realise it was like a classic overthrow of someone in power – where you didn’t realise the whispers behind your back, you didn’t realise the chain reaction of events that was going to make everything fall apart at the exact, perfect time for it to fall apart.”

Here’s that chain reaction in full. With her 2014 album 1989 (the year she was born), Swift transcended country stardom, becoming as ubiquitous as Beyoncé. For the first time she vocally embraced feminism, something she had rejected in her teens; but, after a while, it seemed to amount to not much more than a lot of pictures of her hanging out with her “squad”, a bevy of supermodels, musicians and Lena Dunham. The squad very much did not include her former friend Katy Perry, whom Swift targeted in her song Bad Blood, as part of what seemed like a painfully overblown dispute about some backing dancers. Then, when Nicki Minaj tweeted that MTV’s 2015 Video Music awards had rewarded white women at the expense of women of colour, multiple-nominee Swift took it personally, responding: “Maybe one of the men took your slot.” For someone prone to talking about the haters, she quickly became her own worst enemy.

Her old adversary Kanye West resurfaced in February 2016. In 2009, West had invaded Swift’s stage at the MTV VMAs to protest against her victory over Beyoncé in the female video of the year category. It remains the peak of interest in Swift on Google Trends, and the conflict between them has become such a cornerstone of celebrity journalism that it’s hard to remember it lay dormant for nearly seven years – until West released his song Famous. “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex,” he rapped. “Why? I made that bitch famous.” The video depicted a Swift mannequin naked in bed with men including Trump.

Swift loudly condemned both; although she had discussed the track with West, she said she had never agreed to the “bitch” lyric or the video. West’s wife, Kim Kardashian, released a heavily edited clip that showed Swift at least agreeing to the “sex” line on the phone with West, if not the “bitch” part. Swift pleaded the technicality, but it made no difference: when Kardashian went on Twitter to describe her as a snake, the comparison stuck and the singer found herself very publicly “cancelled” – the incident taken as “proof” of Swift’s insincerity. So she went away.

Swift says she stopped trying to explain herself, even though she “definitely” could have. As she worked on Reputation, she was also writing “a think-piece a day that I knew I would never publish: the stuff I would say, and the different facets of the situation that nobody knew”. If she could exonerate herself, why didn’t she? She leans forward. “Here’s why,” she says conspiratorially. “Because when people are in a hate frenzy and they find something to mutually hate together, it bonds them. And anything you say is in an echo chamber of mockery.”

She compares that year to being hit by a tidal wave. “You can either stand there and let the wave crash into you, and you can try as hard as you can to fight something that’s more powerful and bigger than you,” she says. “Or you can dive under the water, hold your breath, wait for it to pass and while you’re down there, try to learn something. Why was I in that part of the ocean? There were clearly signs that said: Rip tide! Undertow! Don’t swim! There are no lifeguards!” She’s on a roll. “Why was I there? Why was I trusting people I trusted? Why was I letting people into my life the way I was letting them in? What was I doing that caused this?”

After the incident with Minaj, her critics started pointing out a narrative of “white victimhood” in Swift’s career. Speaking slowly and carefully, she says she came to understand “a lot about how my privilege allowed me to not have to learn about white privilege. I didn’t know about it as a kid, and that is privilege itself, you know? And that’s something that I’m still trying to educate myself on every day. How can I see where people are coming from, and understand the pain that comes with the history of our world?”

She also accepts some responsibility for her overexposure, and for some of the tabloid drama. If she didn’t wish a friend happy birthday on Instagram, there would be reports about severed friendships, even if they had celebrated together. “Because we didn’t post about it, it didn’t happen – and I realised I had done that,” she says. “I created an expectation that everything in my life that happened, people would see.”

But she also says she couldn’t win. “I’m kinda used to being gaslit by now,” she drawls wearily. “And I think it happens to women so often that, as we get older and see how the world works, we’re able to see through what is gaslighting. So I’m able to look at 1989 and go – KITTIES!” She breaks off as an assistant walks in with Swift’s three beloved cats, stars of her Instagram feed, back from the vet before they fly to England this week. Benjamin, Olivia and Meredith haughtily circle our feet (they are scared of the koi) as Swift resumes her train of thought, back to the release of 1989 and the subsequent fallout. “Oh my God, they were mad at me for smiling a lot and quote-unquote acting fake. And then they were mad at me that I was upset and bitter and kicking back.” The rules kept changing.

***

Swift’s new album comes with printed excerpts from her diaries. On 29 August 2016, she wrote in her girlish, bubble writing: “This summer is the apocalypse.” As the incident with West and Kardashian unfolded, she was preparing for her court case against radio DJ David Mueller, who was fired in 2013 after Swift reported him for putting his hand up her dress at a meet-and–greet event. He sued her for defamation; she countersued for sexual assault.

“Having dealt with a few of them, narcissists basically subscribe to a belief system that they should be able to do and say whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want to,” Swift says now, talking at full pelt. “And if we – as anyone else in the world, but specifically women – react to that, well, we’re not allowed to. We’re not allowed to have a reaction to their actions.”

In summer 2016 she was in legal depositions, practising her testimony. “You’re supposed to be really polite to everyone,” she says. But by the time she got to court in August 2017, “something snapped, I think”. She laughs. Her testimony was sharp and uncompromising. She refused to allow Mueller’s lawyers to blame her or her security guards; when asked if she could see the incident, Swift said no, because “my ass is in the back of my body”. It was a brilliant, rude defence.

“You’re supposed to behave yourself in court and say ‘rear end’,” she says with mock politesse. “The other lawyer was saying, ‘When did he touch your backside?’ And I was like, ‘ASS! Call it what it is!’” She claps between each word. But despite the acclaim for her testimony and eventual victory (she asked for one symbolic dollar), she still felt belittled. It was two months prior to the beginning of the #MeToo movement. “Even this case was literally twisted so hard that people were calling it the ‘butt-grab case’. They were saying I sued him because there’s this narrative that I want to sue everyone. That was one of the reasons why the summer was the apocalypse.”

She never wanted the assault to be made public. Have there been other instances she has dealt with privately? “Actually, no,” she says soberly. “I’m really lucky that it hadn’t happened to me before. But that was one of the reasons it was so traumatising. I just didn’t know that could happen. It was really brazen, in front of seven people.�� She has since had security cameras installed at every meet-and-greet she does, deliberately pointed at her lower half. “If something happens again, we can prove it with video footage from every angle,” she says.

The allegations about Harvey Weinstein came out soon after she won her case. The film producer had asked her to write a song for the romantic comedy One Chance, which earned her second Golden Globe nomination. Weinstein also got her a supporting role in the 2014 sci-fi movie The Giver, and attended the launch party for 1989. But she says they were never alone together.

“He’d call my management and be like, ‘Does she have a song for this film?’ And I’d be like, ‘Here it is,’” she says dispassionately. “And then I’d be at the Golden Globes. I absolutely never hung out. And I would get a vibe – I would never vouch for him. I believe women who come forward, I believe victims who come forward, I believe men who come forward.” Swift inhales, flustered. She says Weinstein never propositioned her. “If you listen to the stories, he picked people who were vulnerable, in his opinion. It seemed like it was a power thing. So, to me, that doesn’t say anything – that I wasn’t in that situation.”

Meanwhile, Donald Trump was more than nine months into his presidency, and still Swift had not taken a position. But the idea that a pop star could ever have impeded his path to the White House seemed increasingly naive. In hindsight, the demand that Swift speak up looks less about politics and more about her identity (white, rich, powerful) and a moralistic need for her to redeem herself – as if nobody else had ever acted on a vindictive instinct, or blundered publicly.

But she resisted what might have been an easy return to public favour. Although Reputation contained softer love songs, it was better known for its brittle, vengeful side (see This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things). She describes that side of the album now as a “bit of a persona”, and its hip-hop-influenced production as “a complete defence mechanism”. Personally, I thought she had never been more relatable, trashing the contract of pious relatability that traps young women in the public eye.

***

It was the assault trial, and watching the rights of LGBTQ friends be eroded, that finally politicised her, Swift says. “The things that happen to you in your life are what develop your political opinions. I was living in this Obama eight-year paradise of, you go, you cast your vote, the person you vote for wins, everyone’s happy!” she says. “This whole thing, the last three, four years, it completely blindsided a lot of us, me included.”

She recently said she was “dismayed” when a friend pointed out that her position on gay rights wasn’t obvious (what if she had a gay son, he asked), hence this summer’s course correction with the single You Need To Calm Down (“You’re comin’ at my friends like a missile/Why are you mad?/When you could be GLAAD?”). Didn’t she feel equally dismayed that her politics weren’t clear? “I did,” she insists, “and I hate to admit this, but I felt that I wasn’t educated enough on it. Because I hadn’t actively tried to learn about politics in a way that I felt was necessary for me, making statements that go out to hundreds of millions of people.”

She explains her inner conflict. “I come from country music. The number one thing they absolutely drill into you as a country artist, and you can ask any other country artist this, is ‘Don’t be like the Dixie Chicks!’” In 2003, the Texan country trio denounced the Iraq war, saying they were “ashamed” to share a home state with George W Bush. There was a boycott, and an event where a bulldozer crushed their CDs. “I watched country music snuff that candle out. The most amazing group we had, just because they talked about politics. And they were getting death threats. They were made such an example that basically every country artist that came after that, every label tells you, ‘Just do not get involved, no matter what.’

“And then, you know, if there was a time for me to get involved…” Swift pauses. “The worst part of the timing of what happened in 2016 was I felt completely voiceless. I just felt like, oh God, who would want me? Honestly.” She would otherwise have endorsed Hillary Clinton? “Of course,” she says sincerely. “I just felt completely, ugh, just useless. And maybe even like a hindrance.”

I suggest that, thinking selfishly, her coming out for Clinton might have made people like her. “I wasn’t thinking like that,” she stresses. “I was just trying to protect my mental health – not read the news very much, go cast my vote, tell people to vote. I just knew what I could handle and I knew what I couldn’t. I was literally about to break. For a while.” Did she seek therapy? “That stuff I just really wanna keep personal, if that’s OK,” she says.

She resists blaming anyone else for her political silence. Her emergence as a Democrat came after she left Big Machine, the label she signed to at 15. (They are now at loggerheads after label head Scott Borchetta sold the company, and the rights to Swift’s first six albums, to Kanye West’s manager, Scooter Braun.) Had Borchetta ever advised her against speaking out? She exhales. “It was just me and my life, and also doing a lot of self-reflection about how I did feel really remorseful for not saying anything. I wanted to try and help in any way that I could, the next time I got a chance. I didn’t help, I didn’t feel capable of it – and as soon as I can, I’m going to.”

Swift was once known for throwing extravagant 4 July parties at her Rhode Island mansion. The Instagram posts from these star-studded events – at which guests wore matching stars-and-stripes bikinis and onesies – probably supported a significant chunk of the celebrity news industry GDP. But in 2017, they stopped. “The horror!” wrote Cosmopolitan, citing “reasons that remain a mystery” for their disappearance. It wasn’t “squad” strife or the unavailability of matching cozzies that brought the parties to an end, but Swift’s disillusionment with her country, she says.

There is a smart song about this on the new album – the track that should have been the first single, instead of the cartoonish ME!. Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince is a forlorn, gothic ballad in the vein of Lana Del Rey that uses high-school imagery to dismantle American nationalism: “The whole school is rolling fake dice/You play stupid games/You win stupid prizes,” she sings with disdain. “Boys will be boys then/Where are the wise men?”

As an ambitious 11-year-old, she worked out that singing the national anthem at sports games was the quickest way to get in front of a large audience. When did she start feeling conflicted about what America stands for? She gives another emphatic ugh. “It was the fact that all the dirtiest tricks in the book were used and it worked,” she says. “The thing I can’t get over right now is gaslighting the American public into being like” – she adopts a sanctimonious tone – “‘If you hate the president, you hate America.’ We’re a democracy – at least, we’re supposed to be – where you’re allowed to disagree, dissent, debate.” She doesn’t use Trump’s name. “I really think that he thinks this is an autocracy.”

As we speak, Tennessee lawmakers are trying to impose a near-total ban on abortion. Swift has staunchly defended her “Tennessee values” in recent months. What’s her position? “I mean, obviously, I’m pro-choice, and I just can’t believe this is happening,” she says. She looks close to tears. “I can’t believe we’re here. It’s really shocking and awful. And I just wanna do everything I can for 2020. I wanna figure out exactly how I can help, what are the most effective ways to help. ’Cause this is just…” She sighs again. “This is not it.”

***

It is easy to forget that the point of all this is that a teenage Taylor Swiftwanted to write love songs. Nemeses and negativity are now so entrenched in her public persona that it’s hard to know how she can get back to that, though she seems to want to. At the end of Daylight, the new album’s dreamy final song, there’s a spoken-word section: “I want to be defined by the things that I love,” she says as the music fades. “Not the things that I hate, not the things I’m afraid of, the things that haunt me in the middle of the night.” As well as the songs written for Alwyn, there is one for her mother, who recently experienced a cancer relapse: “You make the best of a bad deal/I just pretend it isn’t real,” Swift sings, backed by the Dixie Chicks.

How does writing about her personal life work if she’s setting clearer boundaries? “It actually made me feel more free,” she says. “I’ve always had this habit of never really going into detail about exactly what situation inspired what thing, but even more so now.” This is only half true: in the past, Swift wasn’t shy of a level of detail that invited fans to figure out specific truths about her relationships. And when I tell her that Lover feels a more emotionally guarded album, she bristles. “I know the difference between making art and living your life like a reality star,” she says. “And then even if it’s hard for other people to grasp, my definition is really clear.”

Even so, Swift begins Lover by addressing an adversary, opening with a song called I Forgot That You Existed (“it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”), presumably aimed at Kanye West, a track that slightly defeats its premise by existing. But it sweeps aside old dramas to confront Swift’s real nemesis, herself. “I never grew up/It’s getting so old,” she laments on The Archer.

She has had to learn not to pre-empt disaster, nor to run from it. Her life has been defined by relationships, friendships and business relationships that started and ended very publicly (though she and Perry are friends again). At the same time, the rules around celebrity engagement have evolved beyond recognition in her 15 years of fame. Rather than trying to adapt to them, she’s now asking herself: “How do you learn to maintain? How do you learn not to have these phantom disasters in your head that you play out, and how do you stop yourself from sabotage – because the panic mechanism in your brain is telling you that something must go wrong.” For her, this is what growing up is. “You can’t just make cut-and-dry decisions in life. A lot of things are a negotiation and a grey area and a dance of how to figure it out.”

And so this time, Swift is sticking around. In December she will turn 30, marking the point after which more than half her life will have been lived in public. She’ll start her new decade with a stronger self-preservationist streak, and a looser grip (as well as a cameo in Cats). “You can’t micromanage life, it turns out,” she says, drily.

When Swift finally answered my question about the moment she would choose in the VH1 Behind The Music episode about herself, the one where her career turned, she said she hoped it wouldn’t focus on her “apocalypse” summer of 2016. “Maybe this is wishful thinking,” she said, “but I’d like to think it would be in a couple of years.” It’s funny to hear her hope that the worst is still to come while sitting in her fairytale living room, the cats pacing: a pragmatist at odds with her romantic monument to teenage dreams. But it sounds something like perspective.

[blookmallow]

i finally rewatched Us watching for details... I also took a bunch of screenshots, I’ve mentioned before I live in santa cruz and grew up going to this boardwalk so im obsessed with this movie, I’m going to go try to take some better comparison shots sometime (here’s a few I took before) (and here’s a Tethered mannequin that was outside of the frightwalk for a while. i havent been inside for ages so I don’t know if they moved him inside or if he’s just gone now) (i HOPE they did something with the theme considering the frightwalk is literally a horror attraction beneath the boardwalk. i dont really want to go in there by myself though lmao. not a fan of animatronics jumping out and screaming at me) 

this is a lot, i have many things to say 

-----------------

- the opening news segment is 11 at 11 

- you can faintly see adelaide/red’s reflection in the tv screen, with a toy rabbit (her shirt also has twin lines on it in multiple places but that could be looking too far lmao) 

- in the “Hands Across America” segment (aside from the obvious red figures linked together in the logo) : “from the golden gate bridge to the twin towers” another possible 11/twinning, and it starts in california, which is where the tethered revolution begins 

- on “from sea to shining sea” the exact same coastline image is just flipped 

(there’s also another 11 on the side of the TV here) 

- “This summer, 6 million people will tether themselves together” 

- brief mirroring in the boardwalk ad, not just two girls running on the beach but also two girls with upside down reflections in the ground, 

- fairly obvious one, but “find yourself” (as a sidenote there’s nothing in that spot irl, the roller coaster and the swings are real but there was never a ‘vision quest’ or a ‘merlin forest’ as far as I know and there’s no door or anything there either, the interior shots must’ve been done separately somewhere else) (nothing’s left here from the movie now either, I have no idea when they filmed it because I never saw anything or heard anything about it) 

- adelaide/red whistles “the itsy bitsy spider” when the lights go out in the vision quest - “down came the rain and washed the spider out,” it’s raining outside when her tethered comes up (and she is dragged down). she also drops her red apple on the ground before she enters 

- zora’s rabbit shirt 

- everyone else is eating fast food of some kind, except adelaide, who is eating red strawberries 

as well as being a visual cue, its possible she has an aversion to meat if she was forced to eat raw rabbit as a child

- young adelaide arranging animals in the sand (it seems like some of the tethered tend to mirror their counterpart’s movements, so it’s possible she’s mirroring red, though it’s probably not that likely she’d be planning this early/the dance hasnt happened yet so its probably just foreshadowing) 

- young adelaide very pointedly watches “her” mother crying, saying “I just want my little girl back” - she will never have her little girl back again, though she doesn’t know it (I’m not sure if adelaide still remembers what she’s done at this point either) 

its also mentioned that ‘grandma’ has passed away as of the present time, likely adelaide’s mother (i dont remember if its stated outright but since the house belonged to the grandma, and it’s in santa cruz, that would line up) so. the tethered mother, if she’s still alive, would not kill red’s real mother in the uprising. dont know about the father, or if red knows/cares about this, but. thats there. that also means the original mother will never know what happened with her daughter (likely the father won’t either, it’s not clear if he’s still alive but there’s no mention of him being around/he’s not at the house so it seems likely he passed already too) 

- adelaide, her reflection, and a (not so) itsy bitsy spider 

theres even two spiders, one a toy, one real 

- jason crawls out of a cabinet at zora’s feet and scares her while she’s looking in a mirror (which is also a very pluto-like movement) 

- adelaide finds the toy rabbit in a box; assuming the intro was chronological, we saw “her” with it in the tv screen reflection before she went to the boardwalk, so this was red’s rabbit first (she probably does not remember this, though) (red also later finds this and cuts off the head, not sure why though)

- adelaide “sees” her child self in the room with her (in her memory) learning her dance alongside her reflection

 but the reflection is the one she “sees” looking directly at her 

(she’s also interrupted by hearing her son, above her, screaming because he’s trapped, but that might not be intentional) (though when red comes down here later, she is also interrupted by her son getting stuck in the closet too)

- she’s also wearing a choker necklace with a matching gold bracelet, maybe an allusion to. the choking and the handcuffs, again i might be looking into it too much, but. the white clothes which steadily become red with blood seems very intentional so i wouldnt be surprised if the jewelry was planned specifically too 

- its really hard to see and its a split second throwaway comment but kitty goes “oh isnt that beautiful” showing her the magazine and i thhiiiink thats a white girl in a native american headdress :’  ) probably doesnt have. much deeper meaning other than ‘clueless white friends’ but 

- guy buried in sand comes bursting to the surface again and scares his friends (also eyyooooo you can see the wharf in the background im down there all the time) (sorry this is still wild to me. i grew up here ive been to that beach like 9 million times)

- i didnt catch it and was waiting for it to be shown again and it wasnt and i dont want to go back for it but anyway jason has a drawing of a bunch of people holding hands in a line like the hands across america thing in his room, theres a lot of drawings around and we see his drawing of the first untethered, so he probably drew that as well

- jason has a hard time communicating, but he seems to use drawing as a way to express himself. he doesn’t tell his mother about the encounter with the old man (and only shrugs when he’s asked about it) but he does draw it. adelaide found self expression through dance when she was a child before she was able to talk, so he probably got those traits from her. her voice also goes low and hollow on the line “I just didn’t know if you were lost, or... taken” 

- her voice also gets very strange when she’s talking about her memory of the encounter in the vision quest. low, shaky, harsh. its fascinating hearing how much alike the voices are (obviously they’re both the same actress/if the tethered are clones it makes sense that they’d have identical vocal chords but like. red’s got a fucked up voice. hearing echos of that in adelaide is wild and i didnt notice it at all before) 

- its not clear whether adelaide actually remembers what she did, or even realizes she was the copy - is she trying to protect her family from what she believes was the girl who almost took her, or trying to stop her from getting her revenge? she describes the event to gabe as if she was the one who was attacked but escaped, and im not sure if she’s lying or has convinced herself that’s the truth

something’s going on with jason and pluto too but I don’t quite know what it is. when we first see jason he’s wearing a Jaws shirt, kind of a similar vibe to the thriller shirt, and when the tethered arrive he’s wearing a white tuxedo t shirt, white matching his mother’s white outfit. the others all go off to kill their doubles but pluto holds jason’s hand, sits with him quietly, watches his magic trick, he’s told to go “play” which. obviously has a violent undertone to it but he doesn’t actually try to kill him. i dont even remember seeing him with the scissors. why are jason and pluto different. why does pluto get stuck mirroring jason’s movements even to the point of his death but the others dont. why didn’t adelaide mirror red

i guess its possible its because pluto is the youngest in the family so maybe he hasn’t broken out of his connection yet? they didnt really ever explain how they learned to do that 

and as for the connection with adelaide it. could just be that jason takes after his mom more and zora takes after her dad more but that seems too simple. i mean theres the theory going around that jason was actually switched with his clone too at some point and its got some good points (jason forgetting the magic trick, getting stuck in the closet again, etc) but theres a whole line of logic to debunk that too so its just. What’s Going On Here  

cal 11 

i took the first pic to get a comparison shot at the same place later irl but then noticed the ambulance they come across is the same one (#2) they saw earlier 

pretty obvious but the real rabbit comes out through the picture of an identical rabbit (there’s also probably a “rabbit hole” allusion here) 

i noticed this before too but now i have a screenshot of it, im the rabbit in the background just chilling on the floor during the climax here

- im sure i must have seen this before but i forgot about it. the 11:11 guy’s tethered didn’t have a sign so he just.......carved it into his head

- it never healed, either, he did it badly enough to scar

- red says “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you could have taken me with you” - she doesn’t mean adelaide ran off and left her there. adelaide made the choice to trap her in the underground. its possible red might have even been thinking how she would have let adelaide come with her if given the chance, which. i mean, i dont know how her parents would have reacted to suddenly having identical twins out of nowhere, but like. knowing there’s a chance red might have accepted her. and all this could have been different 

this is definitely a movie that’s not really intended to be fully explained, there’s a lot of questions that aren’t really supposed to be answered, but nonetheless one of my biggest concerns is where do the clothes come from underground. red tells us they were all abandoned down there generations ago so nobody’s supervising or providing anything. how do they end up with copies of the clothing their counterparts are wearing. and here adelaide has a messed up faded old shirt that either looks similar to red’s shirt or is the same shirt just badly damaged, she switches it with red’s before she goes out for good so that explains how she gets the new shirt, but where did this one come from. why is it different if the other clothes aren’t

and of course there’s the whole question of “where did they all get these red jumpsuits from” but again. questions that aren’t really the point, i guess

[varianthealchemist122894]

Twist of Fate: Chapter Two 14 Years Later

Disclaimer: I don’t own Tangled the Series or the movie I wished I did though

In the forest a boy of 14 was walking around with his own satchel on him picking plants for his new project. The boy has black hair with a single blue streak going through it and he was wearing black gloves and an apron and a blue shirt and a pair of goggles and brown pants he had freckles on his face and some brown boots and he had some buck teeth, his name is Varian the son of Quirin whom was the leader of Old Corona and the boy was also an alchemist whom tried so hard to use his experiments to help better his village but in the end his experiments always blow up in his face sometimes literally.

He was actually kinda surprised that he hadn't gotten injured yet from all of his experiments or have ended up dead nor kill anyone from them which always leads to his father feeling disappointed in him which of course breaks Varian's heart since all he ever wanted was for his father to be proud of him and the person he was which was why he hoped this experiment he was working on will work this time.

But of course what he didn't know was that soon everything was going to change for him. The teen alchemist kept walking around when he then comes across some vines as he squints at them as Ruddiger his beloved raccoon companion hops on his shoulders as they looked at it with suspicion and Varian ends up moving it aside a bit and his eyes widen when he sees that it's actually a cave. "Hmm what do you think buddy? Do you want to see what this leads us to?" He asked his raccoon getting some happy chitters making Varian chuckle and walk inside as they then comes across a tower in the middle of nowhere.

Varian looks around and then back at the tower. To him it felt like it has been abandoned for years he then nods his head and makes a decision and begins to climb up the vines of said tower. He then enters inside and looks around. "Strange this place...it looks like someone is living here...but who?" He asked himself but then he spoke no more when he felt something hitting him in back of the head causing Ruddiger to jump down and scamper underneath a table to hide while Varian falls to the floor losing consciousness.

After knocking him out Rapunzel runs over to hide behind a mannequin as she looks at the boy whom was the same age as her as she approaches him cautiously. She then looks at Pascal whom points to a drawing of a man with sharp teeth on the ground that her mother made as she brings the frying pan close to the boy's face and shows his teeth to her as she saw that his teeth were normal although his front teeth were a bit bigger but they weren't pointy or sharp.

She then looks at him very carefully she saw that he has freckles on his face making him look cute and his hair was black but it had a single blue streak in his hair and on his body he was wearing an apron and black gloves. Why though was he a baker? But then why was he wearing goggles?

Varian then opens his eyes as he was knocked unconscious once more by Rapunzel. The blond haired Princess then grabs him him and drags him over to the closet finding that he was very light as she stuffs him inside it along with his satchel. After that she puts the chair in front of the door as she backs away from it. "Okay I have a person in my closet...I have a person in my closet." She says at first sounding nervous but then she says a bit more excitedly. "Heh well mother, don't think I can handle myself now?" She asked out loud as she spins the pan a bit and hits herself in the head.

"Ow." She says to herself but then she turns to the window when she hears her mother calling up to her. Rapunzel automatically runs towards the window and uses her hair to help her up after that she begins to ask Mother Gothel if she could go outside and she was about to show her Varian but Gothel yelling at her silenced her automatically as Rapunzel then tells her about the paints that was made form the sea shells which would be three day trip. After she left Rapunzel got to work right away and ties Varian up with her hair to the chair as she was now trying to wake him up when the teen alchemist finally woke up he found himself tied to a chair as he begins to struggle.

"Struggling...struggling is pointless." He heard as he looks around and sees a girl the same age as him as he blushes. She had green eyes and freckles on her face like him her skin tone was like his as well as she was wearing a pretty purple dress and was wearing no shoes but the most interesting thing about her was the fact that she had 70 feet of golden blond hair which flows around her like a golden sea of some kind the same kind of hair that had him tied to a chair as he couldn't stop staring. "Umm hey there I'm Varian it's nice to meet you milady." He greets her as he was smiling at her warmly. Rapunzel tilts her head as she approaches him cautiously while having her frying pan at the ready.

"Okay Varian...how did you find me? And why are you here? Did you come for my hair? Were you planning to sell it? Cut it?" She asked him making Varian confused. Even though yes he would think it would be interesting to experiment on her hair and to see why it was so long he figured saying that out loud might not help his current situation. "I swear I don't want your hair to be honest I came across this place by accident and when I saw the tower I thought it was abandoned so I climbed up it curious with what was inside I swear I didn't know that someone was living up here." He tells her with pure honesty. Rapunzel looks at him carefully as she saw that he was being sincere so she takes him over to her new painting. "Okay Varian can you tell me what these are?" She asked as Varian looks at the painting carefully. "Those are the lanterns they do every year for the lost princess." He tells her as he saw no harm in telling her. Rapunzel grins at that she always knew that they weren't stars. "Okay well do you think you can take me to see them?" She asked curiously. Varian then raises an eyebrow at the odd request. "Wait if you want to see them so bad why don't you go by yourself?" He asked her curiously. Rapunzel bites her bottom lip a bit. "it's complicated." She tells him as Varian could tell she didn't want to talk about it.

Varian then thought about it carefully he knew his father was gone for a few days so it's not like he'll ever know that he went on some crazy adventure right? Plus he was just taking a cute...umm I mean girl to see the lanterns then back home, how hard could it be? "Alright I'll take you." He tells her making Rapunzel break into the biggest grins Varian had ever seen as she unties him and the alchemist sees a chameleon on her shoulder as Ruddiger hops onto his shoulders. "Oh my name is Rapunzel by the way and this is Pascal." She says introducing her lizard friend to him as she brings out her hand to shake his. Varian smiles and shakes her hand as well. "Nice to meet you Rapunzel oh also this is my buddy Ruddiger." He says introducing the racoon to her whom warmly chitters at her.

Rapunzel immediately pets the fluffy racoon as she and Varian climbs down the tower when they then heard rustling and footsteps as a man comes out of the cave and Rapunzel screams and hits him with the frying pan knocking him out cold. Varian winces at that as his eyes widen when he automatically recolonizes him as Flynn Ryder as he had to hold back a squeal of excitement as Rapunzel found a crown laying down on the ground the same one that fell out of Flynn Ryder's satchel as she looks at it with curiosity as Varian was checking to see if Flynn didn't have concussion. Poor Mr.Ryder he had no idea that he wad about to become a unwilling part of these two little adventure.

A/N Just to let you know that I had made Rapunzel and Varian the same age meaning that Rapunzel and Varian are both 14 in this universe since I thought it would worked better this way

[ughseoks-main]

follow me - |4|

peter parker x reader

summary: you just got your spidey powers and have no idea how to use them, but lucky for you, a certain spider-boy is willing to teach you his ways.

word count: 2.4k

warnings: none just a lil surprise @ end. and  tony stark is a snarky lil bitch but we stan because We. Love. Him.

a/n: this chapter is fun! we finally getting into that good stuff. lots of fluff :) let me know what you guys think!

chapter 3 - chapter 5

“Wow.”

Hanging from the mannequin in front of you was a superhero suit. Not just any supersuit, but your supersuit. The white material of the torso stood out against the shiny black arms and legs. Across the white section, a red web pattern was sewn in, and a small red spider sat on the center of the chest.

“Is this really for me?” you asked in disbelief, jerking your thumb towards the suit, “I think you’re mistaking me for somebody else. This can’t be for me.”

“It’s all yours, kid.” Peter nodded in confirmation to Tony’s statement, and you could see the mix of nervousness and excitement in his demeanor.

“I can’t believe it,” you exhaled, reaching out to touch it, “Can I?”

“It is yours, isn’t it?” Tony joked, gesturing towards the suit, “Go for it.”

Gulping, you ran your fingers across the material, surprised by how soft it was. You’d expected it to be a little tougher, considering the fact that it was supposed to protect you from supervillains.

“It’s a new kind of material we invented,” Peter supplied, almost as if he was reading your thoughts, “It’s soft to the touch, but incredibly hard to damage. It can block a bullet.”

“We also packed in a few little surprises,” Tony added in, moving away from the counter top he’d been leaning on. He walked over to a table and pulled up a document, scrolling through a few pages before hitting the send button. “Spiderboy here told me that he had a few… issues… when he first began to use his suit. So, we compiled a list of all of your suits abilities so you won’t be quite as lost as he was. The built-in AI should also help you out if need be.”

“I have my own AI?” you gasped, covering your mouth with your hands, “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten, hands down. Thank you, both of you.”

Tony nodded his head towards Spidey. “Spiderman here helped come up with most of the ideas. I basically supervised the project and stepped in when needed, which wasn’t very often. So, you really only have the kid to thank.”

You snapped your head towards the masked hero, jaw dropping. “You did this practically by yourself? That’s insane. And it’s literally so perfect for me.”

Spidey rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging a little bit, “P-People do say I’m a good gift giver.”

Letting out a laugh, you pulled up your phone as it buzzed in your pocket, smiling when you saw that the document from Tony had been delivered. “So, when can I try this thing on?” You asked, eager to test out the suit.

“I’d go ahead and put it on now to try to get used to it. I have a new update on the arms dealers, and I want you two to check it out tomorrow night,” Tony threw over his shoulder as he began to walk out of the room, “I don’t want you to engage this time, either, but please do try not to scare them off.”

“Wait!” Spidey called out after Tony, causing him to stop in his tracks, “I, uh, can’t tomorrow night.”

Tony raised an eyebrow, casting his gaze over to you when you spoke up as well. “I can’t either…” you provided shyly, “I would any other night, but… I just can’t.”

He took a moment to think things over in his head before pulling out his phone to make a call. “Fine. I guess you two deserve to be kids, don’t you? I’ll get some people to cover, but I’d better not find out that this was just an excuse for you two take some time off to smooch.”

Butterflies filled your stomach, so intense you swore they were trying to escape through your mouth.

“W-What??” Spidey waved his hands frantically in front of him, “W-We don’t like each other like that!”

“Sorry,” Tony shrugged, placing the phone up to his ear, “I can’t listen to your lies because I’m on the phone. Try another time.” With that, he exited the lab, leaving you and Spidey to awkwardly stand alone.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, you spoke up, “Well, I should probably head out,” you gestured to the suit, “I’ll practice with this some tonight so hopefully I’ll have the basics of it down by our next meeting.”

“Y-Yeah,” he stuttered, still flustered from Tony’s comment, “I’ll, uh, see you later.”

— -

“So, did the person like your gift?”

The soft light from the large windows in the cafeteria cascaded down upon you as you sat with Peter, working on some chemistry homework that was due in two periods. He was in the middle of solving a problem when the question escaped your lips, confusing him slightly for a few seconds until he realized what you were talking about. You’d asked because you’d randomly remembered that small tidbit of information from your coffee outing, curious as to whether or not things had panned out the way he’d hoped.

“Hmm? O-Oh! Yeah, I think that they did.” His cheeks flushed red as you playfully punched his arm, happy that everything worked out for him.

“See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about.”

Peter took a moment to giggle awkwardly before coming back at you with a question of his own. “So, are you going on the tour of that national lab this weekend?”

“I’m signed up, but I think I might have to cancel,” you pouted, resting your chin on your hand and sticking out your bottom lip, “My mom can’t take me now because she can’t take off work anymore and she doesn’t trust me to drive that far by myself.”

“Oh,” Peter seemed disappointed, casting his gaze to the floor for a moment before a lightbulb went off in his head, “Hey, Aunt May is taking me if, um, if you wanted to carpool with us?”

“That’d be awesome!” you grinned, causing Peter to smile in return, “You sure it isn’t too much trouble?”

“Not at all!” he pulled out his phone to text his aunt, “I’ll send you the details after I ask Aunt May. I’m sure she won’t mind!”

Just as he finished speaking, the bell rang, signaling five minutes until you had to be in Statistics and Peter had to be in Calculus. You gathered your notebooks in one arm and your lunch tray in the other, standing up from your seat and tossing your trash into the bin behind you. “See you in chem later?” you waved to Peter, indicating that you wanted to sit next to him for the lab that afternoon.

“Totally!” he smiled back, giving you a cheesy grin before you went your separate ways.

— -

peter: we’re here! :)

you: okay, be out in a sec

You grabbed your duffle bag and sling it over your shoulder, kissing your mom on the cheek and stuffing a hot waffle into your mouth before running out the front door. It was Friday night and raining cats and dogs, even though just that afternoon the forecast said it’d be sunny out. Just your luck.

Lightly jogging towards the car, you leaped over a few puddles before skidding to a stop behind the trunk. You tossed your bag in and made your way back around the side of the car. Grabbing the handle, you opened the door quickly and slid in without looking, only to slide right into Peter’s shoulder.

“Oh!” you jumped away from him, eyes wide at the wet patch now soaking his t-shirt where you’d hit him, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize you were sitting back here and now you’re all wet—”

“It’s totally okay!” he threw up his hands in defense, trying to make you feel better, “I didn’t want you to get lonely on the way over, so I decided to sit with you.”

“T-thanks,” you tucked a strand of wet hair behind your ear, sitting awkwardly for a moment before you snap your head up and realize that you totally forgot to say hello to Aunt May. “Hi May! Thanks so much for taking me, it means a lot.”

“Of course!” She gave you a cheesy smile, throwing a wink your way, “It’s always nice meeting Peter’s internship friends.”

The two of you settled into the backseat in a comfortable silence, occasionally holding up your phones for the other to see as you scrolled through various meme accounts. Every so often the two of you would let out small giggles, causing Aunt May to look up into the rearview mirror and smile softly. Her Aunt senses were beginning to tell her that there was something special about your connection to Peter, and she couldn’t wait to see where your friendship would go.

The rain was still beating against the car when you pulled up in front of the hotel. May ended up having to circle back into the parking lot because the overhang in front of the door was filled with cars where students were grabbing their luggage and saying goodbye to their parents for the weekend. So, you and Peter were going to have to make a break for it to avoid being soaked. The two of you gave each other a look and nodded before jumping out of the car and grabbing your bags as quickly as possible.

“Have fun!” Aunt May shouted one last goodbye through the partially rolled down window, “Text me what time to pick you up on Sunday!”

“Bye May!” you shouted, giving her a quick wave before running into the building alongside Peter. Rain beat down against your hair and shoulders, soaking you thoroughly before you managed to get through the front doors. You looked like a wet dog, your hair glistening with drops of rain as you walked up to the advisor sent to oversee the trip while Peter ran over to say hi to Ned.

“Say, Y/N, is it raining right now?” she asked, winking at you as you let out a laugh.

“Nope! Not at all. What is rain?” you joked back, “I’ve never even heard of it.”

“Hmm… maybe you should pay more attention in meteorology class, Y/N,” she gave you a false stern look before holding up her clipboard, running her finger along it until she finally found your name. “Okay, so… your roommate situation is… unique.”

“In what way?” you asked slowly, a little bit nervous as to where this was going. Were they going to put you in the room with the vending machine or something?

“Well, we didn’t anticipate for this many students to come, and there was an issue with getting all of the rooms booked,” she explained, trying not to freak you out, “Normally, we would never place two students of the opposite gender in the same room together. However… you and this student are two of our most diligent, so we’re trusting you to behave yourselves.”

“Uhh…” you took a moment to process the information. To be honest, you were still a little confused, but whoever it was couldn’t be that bad. Noticing that she was waiting for you to say something, you managed to get out “Y-Yeah, I guess that’s okay. Who’s, uh, the other student?”

“Peter Parker.”

Almost as if he was on cue, Peter came up next to you, so close to you that your shoulders were brushing. “Somebody say my name?” he joked, not having paid attention to the first half of the conversation since he was across the room with Ned.

“We’re roommates,” you said somewhat blankly, still a little shocked. Sure, it really wasn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things; but for a teenager on a high school trip, rooming with somebody of the opposite gender was pretty wild.

“O-Oh,” his face flushed red and his eyes darted everywhere but your face, “Cool! That’s cool.”

“Is that okay?” the advisor asked, “We can figure out something else if either of you are overwhelmingly uncomfortable with the situation-”

“No, no,” you assured her, holding up your hands in front of you, “It’s totally okay. Just a little shocked at first, that’s all.”

Peter nodded in confirmation as you held out your hand, taking the room keys from the advisor. Shifting the duffle bag on your shoulder, you began to walk down the hallway, Peter trailing closely behind on the carpeted floor. Your footsteps went pat pat pat as you walked, the soft sound stopping when you reached the elevator.

For the entirety of the journey from the lobby to your room, you and Peter said nothing. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was more of a tired silence; the kind that happens when it’s late at night and you’re too drained to talk, but too content in each others’ presence to sleep.

When you finally unlocked the door to the room, you immediately ran over to the bed and dropped your duffle bag, flopping over onto your back.  “I. Am. So. Tired.” you sighed, a wave of sleepiness washing over you. It blossomed from your chest, filling your lungs and tingling down your gut like a warm blanket when you took another deep breath.

“Me too,” Peter ran a hand through his tousled hair, nodding towards the shower, “I think I’m gonna take a shower really quick, if that’s okay with you?”

You nodded without looking up, wiping your hand across your eyes. “I’ll probably jump in after you. If I’m asleep when you get out, just wake me up.”

__________

Peter flipped on the light and shut the door behind him, blinking a few times at the harsh white light of the bathroom. He’d just pulled his shirt off when suddenly, he heard a small yelp outside of the door, his spidey senses sending a wave of panic throughout his body.

“Y/N?” he didn’t even bother to throw his shirt back on as he threw open the door, scanning the room for any signs of you.

Nothing.

Just silence.

Moonlight poured through the now open window across the room, the cream curtains blowing with the breeze.

Your phone, laying cracked on the ground next to the bed where you’d been sitting, was the only sign left of you in the dim light of the hotel room.

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[natsuhikoshidou]

Life Cheating Game - Chapter 2: At Optimum Temperature(Part 2)

Chapter 2: Part 1  |  Chapter 3: Part 1

DATING... START!!!

I felt like Sora was about to say something in the school infirmary, there was that.

But, the days leading up to Sunday felt dreadfully long, the cause probably was simply something like enjoying the date with Sora.

'Is it ok if our meeting place is Hachiougi Station?'

"Yeah. What time?"

'9 am would be good. If it's too early the shops won’t be open, if we're late we can't enjoy our time.’

"Ok. Hachiougi station, 9 o'clock then."

The night before. Sora and I were deciding on the meeting place and time over the phone.

'This is a long-awaited date. Don't be late, Natsuhiko.'

"I know."

'Ok then. Well, see you tomorrow. Goodnight'

"Yeah, goodnight."

For several seconds, after being flooded by the reverberation of Sora's voice, I ended the call.

After that, I turned over the card on my desk.

‘Tomorrow, the lunch in the appropriate restaurant will taste bad, and the mood will worsen. For safety, go to a family restaurant.’

(* A family restaurant is a common type of restaurant in Japan which tends to serve a large variety of food, especially Western food. The name ‘family restaurant’ comes from the focus on family dining, so that children can always find something they like. Denny’s is a considered a family restaurant)

For some reason, this seemed like date advice.

However, it helped. I investigated the location of a family restaurant on my mobile phone, made a memo of it and put it in my bag for tomorrow.

Coincidentally I checked the contents of my bag.

"...Ok. The preparations are complete, as they say."

The clothes I'm wearing tomorrow are already prepared. When I confirmed them too I slipped into my futon.

That night, for a reason different to when before I had the card, I really couldn't fall asleep.

◊

I looked at the clock while I fidgeted.

The time is 8:50am. A little earlier than the time we had promised.

It's Sunday. I'm at Hachiougi Station. Looking around the outside of the bus rotary, there’s a plaza, there were street performers there too. There seemed to be lots of people meeting up apart from me.

Previously, the concourse inside the station was a popular meeting spot for people, a short while ago there was an explosion, so recently most people that use this station plaza instead.

Before Sora arrives, I lightly check my clothes. My clothes, which I planned to be as stylish as I could in my own way, probably ended up leaving the impression that I tried too hard. Aware of Akito’s clothes that I saw before, my coat with the strange design is the same as the one he wore.

"These ear cuffs are probably showing off too much…”

Also wearing some other rings and necklaces and stuff, though I tried to imitate what I saw Akito wearing, I confess, they’re actually all things I bought from a 100 yen store. Because what Akito wore has definitely got to be from a brand, it makes a considerable difference.

I raised my head and looked around the square. Sora still wasn't there.

I looked at the clock once more. The minute hand moved very slowly.

".....Hey, wait"

Why am I fidgeting like this? Sora calling it a date was just like a joke, today I was simply just going into town with my childhood friend.

Trying to persuade myself that, I couldn't stop my lips from smiling.

While breathing deeply over and over again, five minutes of waiting

"Morning, Natsuhiko"

"Aah, Sora. Morni...ng?"

When I tried to return the greeting to Sora, who had finally arrived, I froze up.

On her white blouse lined with lace on the sleeves and collar, she wore a pale pink cardigan, below that, she wore a slightly wide flared mini skirt, her long thin legs that extended from its hem were also covered with white lace stockings.

Her pale coloured clothes perfectly matched her beautiful black hair, the charm of the girl Sora Fushimi, was fully active.

"You're pretty early. I tried to hurry, did I keep you waiting?"

Sora smiling bashfully, to me, she looked like she was glittering.

It seems like she put on light makeup, I was captivated by her glossy pink lips.

"........."

"Hmm? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost"

"Eh? A, eh?"

Speaking to Sora, with upturned eyes, I finally returned back to earth.

My heart, which felt like it stopped for a moment, strung with a furious heartbeat like a backlash.

"U, um. Sora's , uh, you’re wearing, unusual clothes..."

Full of agitation, my head and tongue weren’t working well, and I ended up blurting out something weird.

What's more, I said ‘unusual clothes’. I wanted to say something nicer. They suit you very well, they look really cute, I could...no...it's useless....

"Ooh, that. I only really wear skirts and stuff with our uniform. This frilly stuff is too unlike me I guess… It’s weird, isn’t it?”

While she looked down at her own clothes, Sora spun around once on the spot.

When she did, her already short skirt fluttered, my heart beat so furiously I was worried it could break out of my ribs and fly out.

"I-It's not that. They’re not weird. Not at all"

"Hm. You think? Saying that makes me feel happy."

"Y,yeah. They’re… far from strange...uh… they really, suit, you."

Building up the courage, I added with a very thin voice.

"R, right. They suit me. Right..."

Sora muttered while letting her gaze swim away.

Her cheeks looked kind of red, probably because of her makeup.

".........."

".........."

For a short while, a moment of silence flowed by.

I couldn't say anything in this tension, Sora also looked down in silence.

"…A, Aaah. This, uhh.. I actually, got some advice from Momiji."

Before long, after it seemed like she did vocal exercises, Sora spoke and raised her head.

"About this long awaited date, I dressed up a little for it."

"R-Right. But why Momiji?"

"I only have a few friends who are girls of the same age, you probably know that. But those girls don't know what your taste is."

"My taste?"

"The date you and I are going on together. Or should I say I chose these clothes with something apart from your tastes in mind? They're completely in reference to Momiji's advice"

My heart which began to calm down, pounded strongly again. If there was any more of a burden on it my heart might start to break.

But the word 'date' is merely an "outing" today with my fellow childhood friend, I thought.

However, Sora’s even wearing a skirt that she doesn't usually wear, even said she’s dressing fashionably from taking advice from a pre-schooler. Also, meeting my tastes, she said.

With these, it seems like, this really is a date.

Honestly, like date between a girl and boy that like each other, doesn’t it---.

"Well then, we should head off soon."

As she said that Sora walked off towards the station.

The stupid me followed after her, confused, and she said,

"Oh. I forgot to say something."

While her black hair fluttered, she turned around.

"I think your clothes suit you too. Yes. I'm falling in love again."

With a smile more dazzling than the sun, she said.

Me too, but I didn't say that, maybe out of cowardice.

 ◊

 Leaving from Hachiougi to the city center took roughly an hour.

When reached the terminal that boasts of the world's highest number of users, the time was around 10am.

"...Well, where should we go?"

Sora said with a large voice, after we descended the platform crowded with people.

"I really haven't thought about it."

"Well then. I received a lecture from Momiji about the usual, general standard for dates. According to that, it seems like the routine is window shopping, isn’t it."

"Yeah, I've heard that before."

Though I don't definitely know what kind of shopping to do.

"Ok. First, we could try and browse some of the clothing stores in the station."

"Ok but... which one?"

"What do you mean, which one?"

"In this station? There's a lot of stations."

There are several similarly named stations and stores, and also down the maze-like subterranean tunnels, there are connecting tunnels underneath the buildings. If those are included in the definition of the station, then an unbelievable amount of buildings could be called stations.

To tell the truth, I've come to the city centre several times, but Sora and I haven't hung out in the outskirts of the station too much. Mostly, we use it to transfer transportation and pass through it.

Just to be sure, on the internet yesterday, I went to investigate places to hang out and the location of the family restaurant written on the card, I didn't think of window shopping.

"Hmm...In that case, let's just go wherever."

"Not like we have a choice."

As we agreed on that, we went towards the east ticket gates and left towards the train station.

"They literally only have clothing stores..."

When we saw the information board, it looked like most of the stores were fashion related shops.

"But it looks like upstairs is pretty much restaurants."

"It's too early for lunch though. We could try and look around a little, couldn’t we."

Inside the building, though it was Sunday, it was teeming with visitors.

Moreover, they were mostly young girls, the shops were also full of brands for girls. I would never come in here if I wasn’t with Sora, I thought.

".........."

".........."

And there was silence.

The visitors apart from us were chatting and having fun while looking at clothes, I didn't know anything about women's fashion, Sora was probably the same. Staying together, we had nothing to talk about while we looked at the clothes.

Unable to bear the atmosphere of simply staring at the mannequins in silence, I spoke.

"H, hey, Sora. Are there any clothes that catch your attention?."

"No."

"You don't have to declare it like that-"

"I can't help it, ok? Nothing really interests me. I usually only wear the clothes my mom buys me, and the clothes I'm wearing now are all things Momiji chose. To me, I don’t have a clue if something’s good or bad.”

Sora made a face like a scholar challenging a theory from a difficult-to-understand philosophy when she saw a shirt with an illustration from an anime printed on it.

"It looks like you put on makeup today, did you?"

"I let my mom do it. She taught me how to fix it when it gets ruined, but who knows if I can actually do it.”

She returned the shirt to the rack while scowling, Sora unintentionally forced a smile at me.

It wasn’t womanly, however, above anything it was Sora-ly.

"Fuu... It's no use. Let's go to another shop."

Like an anguished researcher at a stalemate, Sora shook her head.

"If we walk a little there’s a big bookstore, let's go there."

Sora nodded strongly at my proposal, we left the flashy fashion building.

Leaving the station crowded by a huge amount of people, the large bookstore we finally arrived at after a few minutes of walking had much less people than the train station as you’d expect, there was an extensive range of customers of all ages and genders.

"...Ah, this book."

The paperback book lined up on the storefront came to view, my feet stopped.

"This is the book Momiji asked for the other day."

"Oh ho. Let’s see.”

Sora took the single copy on the flat display, and flipped through the pages.

The pile of books decorated and written with pop art saying "A Long Awaited Paperback Publishment", was considerably big. In the bookstore near Hachiougi station there was a corner where new books were placed, surprisingly it was treated differently than there.

"Hmm. It's a mystery novel after all. It seems pretty interesting."

"Sora, you read mystery novels, don’t you?"

"I don't fuss over genre. ...Though, novels that tend to catch my interest are usually mystery or sci-fi. It seems Momiji is completely devoted to mystery novels."

Sora said while returning the book to the pile.

"If it interests you will you buy it?"

"No, it's fine. I can borrow it from Momiji now."

Entering the store, a corner for much-discussed work was prepared near the entrance. The lined up books were mostly manuals, I saw lots of books written about hygiene and diet.

"There’s so many diet books. Sora, are you interesting in dieti-"

"No."

"Right.”

At a glance, she didn't look like she needed to diet, now she wasn't in a state of paying attention to her body weight and figure.

"But this one's interesting."

While she said that the book in Sora's hands was... A book on breast enlargements.

Just now, without thinking, reflexively, my eyes went towards Sora's chest, who was standing next to me.

"As you can see, it's hopeless."

"Sure. ...Wait, ah, no, it's not!"

Sora expressed a wry smile to me, who hid my nodding in a panic.

"Don't worry. It's the truth. It's really not that complex."

"R, right. But, well, why is that interesting to you?"

"There isn’t really a reason “why”… Natsuhiko, do you like large chested girls?"

While tilting her head and staring at me, for a moment, I lost my voice.

"...Do you not?"

"Ah, no... it's, not that. I mean, I haven't really thought about whether I like large chested girls in the first place..."

"Is that right? So you don't mind if it’s a cliff face like this?"

Sora spoke while brushing down her own chest.

"A, a cliff face. I don't care. Being large chested..."

I stressed at being unable to read the intention of Sora’s statement, I tried to say my true feelings.

Though my male classmates always get excited over things like "Someone in the other class has huge boobs", I didn't participate in that, I wasn’t aware until just now that comparing Sora’s chest to the average, hers was smaller.

"Right... ok. Right right."

While expressing a relieved smile for some reason, Sora returned the breast enlargement book to the shelf. I became increasingly confused about the state of that girl.

Sora is different than usual today. She seems like she’s behaving like my girlfriend, not my childhood friend, or maybe that’s just my hubris…

"It seems like the second story is the paperback floor. …Ok, I should try and buy some sort of souvenir for Momiji, shouldn’t I."

Following Sora, who’s suddenly in a good mood, we went up to the second floor.

From the new work corner, prepared on the place that stood out most on the floor, a single copy of a mystery novel which seemed to meet Momiji's preferences was chosen, and bought.

After that, we went around the shop while chatting.

"Look at the price of this book, Natsuhiko"

Sora took the A6 book in her hand, and said with a serious expression.

"630 yen, do you think that’s a normal price?" (*~ $5.60)

"It is, right? But in the station we stopped by earlier, one shirt was being sold at 6,000 yen. Can you believe that? Isn't that 10 times this book?"  (~ $53.45)

"Hmm, I don't know about the market for girl's clothes though..."

"Oh my god, looking at this, you get a sense of how people's values are different. For me, I would rather choose to buy 10 books so I don’t end up in a situation where that’s all I have to wear, but there are people that would choose to buy a 6,000 yen shirt like it’s normal in this world…”

With that immense culture shock, Sora groaned with a glum face, uuhm.

Looking around one more time, when we left the shop, it was getting close to midday.

"It’s already this late... should we eat lunch soon?"

"No, before that, let’s go over there."

Where Sora was pointing, there was a brand new building with white outer walls.

Things that looked like posters stuck in picture frames were lined up in a row on the wall.

"Is that a movie theatre?"

"Mhm. A movie is said to be a routine for dates. ....That’s the advice I got from Momiji."

"Haah..."

Momiji again. If she tells Sora weird things that's fine, but....

First of all, we went into the movie theatre.

The expansive lobby was filled with a diversity of people, groups of students, groups of old people, and huge amounts of families. Lining up in the queue to the ticket desk, we looked up at the screen showing the performance timetable.

"What should we watch?"

"To be honest, I've already decided."

As she said that, the title Sora brought up was a long-run screening of a western film.

It's a work that's brought up on the internet and television a lot, so I already knew most of the contents. Because of that, I asked Sora.

"Are you really sure? Is this your type?"

"Uh huh. Momiji recommended it. Because we're on a date you should watch this one, she said."

The seating arrangement was almost a full house.

Since the time of release approximately half a year ago has passed, the film has been hugely popular.

Soon the film started, it was a love story with a touch of comedy.

While it had moderate comedy, in the carefully created work where the man and women earnestly fell in love, I was gradually sucked into the story.

And then, the film came to a touching end. It was such I good work I thought I should have watched it earlier. I agreed with its high popularity.

".....?"

When the credits began flowing, something soft and warm touched my hand.

Sitting next to me, Sora put her hand on top of mine.

In a moment, my heart thumped, and I looked at Sora's face. Though it was in the darkness, I knew she was smiling while looking at my face.

Thump, thump... my heart rang out. It wasn't a violent throbbing.

I couldn't think.

I simply gazed at Sora like I was entranced, and entwined my fingers, with her fingers.

As soon as I did, heartache overflowed.

--- More. I still want more.

I want to connect even deeper, I squeezed Sora's hand.

Sora's hand squeezed me back too.

The joy of recieving that gentleness made me want to cry.

Soon the credits finished while our fingers and gazes were intertwined.

--- I just can't take my fingers or my eyes away.

That's what I thought.

But reality is cruel.

When the movie was over the audience had to leave outside

In the hustle and bustle of visitors leaving their seats, Sora and I came to our senses.

We untied our intertwined gazes, which had both become red.

Our entangled hands also had to unwrap with hesitancy.

That being the case, gradually I regained my composure, living in the space to look back on me from earlier, in the short space while we left the movie theatre, I couldn't properly look at Sora's face.

--- Why did I do something so embarrassing!

That was by mere chance, that’s the only thing I could think. I was swallowed up in the atmosphere of the movie. That act was clearly too much for the childhood friend territory.

But... I thought.

Sora accepted it. The act stepped over the childhood friend distance, she allowed it.

While I thought about the meaning of that in my still feverish head, I glanced over at Sora and...

".....!?"

Sure enough our eyes met, I looked away with a bounce, and hung my head.

"W...Well then! Would you look at the time! If it isn't time for lunch!"

Like she was trying to hide something, Sora spoke in a large voice.

"Are you pretty hungry now, Natsuhiko?"

"Y, yeah."

Sora returned to her usual tone and volume, I replied to her in a small voice. Though I still couldn't look at Sora, I knew that on her body her ears were still pretty red.

"Seems like there's a lot of restaurants around here, we should go to the most fitting one."

"Ah, wait a second."

Sora, who proposed while walking, stopped.

"Should we have lunch at a family restaurant?"

"Family restaurant?"

"It's difficult going into a shop you don't know, because, well... they might have crappy stuff."

Sora put her finger on her chin, and after thinking for a short while she nodded, "You have a point"

"So let's look for a nearby family restaurant"

"That's fine. I already investigated."

"...You already prepared. Did you plan on going to a family restaurant from the very beginning?"

Not really, as i answered, I pulled out the memo with the location of the family restaurant written on it from my bag.

This is to avoid the misfortune the card showed me last night. Today too, no more misfortune will happen. I didn't seem to show the relief on my face.

"Now you mention it, did you understand that from that card?"

"...Eh!?"

I almost dropped the memo.

"Before, the card wrote for you to be careful of the rain that afternoon. Or was it just a prank by Momiji?"

"A,aah....yeah… I… I wonder if it was a prank? Uh.....still, that.....I guess I really don't know.......well......Ah, right! I didn't really worry about it in the end!"

That was too shaky, if I say so myself.

"Huum...Well, I'm not sure if that's right"

Apart from that, Sora didn't ask any more. Even though she probably had doubt.

But when I thought about it, I realised there was no need to hide it. I felt I wanted to hear Sora's opinion on future prediction and Maki-chan appearing in my weird dream.

Well, let's just keep hiding it for today.

The family restaurant written on the memo was full at almost 2pm, but after waiting 5 minutes some seats emptied and we were able to get a late lunch.

We talked while eating lunch, the strange mood after we left the movie theatre had disappeared, I realized at last Sora and I had returned to being childhood friends as usual. Mutually, we seemed to absolutely not touch on the incident that happened in the movie theatre.

"What should we do after this? It’ll start getting dark soon."

We finished lunch and left the family restaurant, the time was around 3pm.

"Lastly, there's a place I kind of want to go to. Is that ok?"

I nodded at Sora's proposal. She was making a strangely serious expression.

We returned to the station and got on the electric train. The route was in the direction of Hachiougi.

Sora wasn't very talkative on the train, when I asked her where we were going, she answered ambiguously and vaguely.

"We get off here."

This was Kitahiragawa station, the 3rd stop after Hachiougi station.

Above the station, there was an unbroken view of Kitahiragawa's townscape of resident housing.

Getting off on the platfrom, Sora pointed at a speck in the town that started to become dyed by the sunset.

"It's been a while, I want to ride that."

Beyond what her thin fingers pointed at, darkened in the backlight, there was a large Ferris wheel.

 ◊

 Kitahiragawa Children's Amusement Park.

A little amount of courage was needed to call this an 'amusement park' when it was a small-scale establishment.

There were merry-go-rounds and spinning teacups, they had the standard selection of play equipment, it small enough for any child, the proportioned site area was small.

However, when I was in elementary school it was a sufficiently fun place, I often burdened my parents with asking and begging them to go. Sora and her parents, and the grandparents I'm now living with have come here too.

For me, this is a place with incredibly important memories.

The inside is special, it's become a landmark for Kitahiragawa city because of its inappropriately big Ferris wheel.

"This somehow feels incredibly narrow. I guess that means we’ve grown."

Getting in the carriage fading with color, Sora and I sat facing eachother.

“The scenery’s changed too.”

I glanced outside the plastic window full of scratches.

In particular the station's surroundings were developing into a bedroom town, compared to my vague memories as a child, the number of large apartments behind me had increased.

"It's been around 7 years. It's strange that we and the town haven't changed a lot. This Ferris wheel seems like is starting to wear out though."

Rust began to fall off the window frame that Sora's finger's disciplined.

Though I know this carriage was once painted with images of rainbows and their seven colours, now the colours had faded and I was unable to distinguish between bitter orange and amber yellow.

Without replying, I felt the time pass by.

"Do you remember?"

A look dwelled in Sora's eyes like a child who thought of an amusing prank.

"The first time we rode this Ferris wheel, you got scared of heights and cried."

"Guh.... D,did that really happen?"

I averted my gaze to hide my embarrassment, but I vividly remember it.

It's a story from when I was in kindergarten. Sora and I and also my mother rode it together, even though I said I wanted to ride it, once it rotated halfway, I cried to my mother asking if we could get off quickly.

"Natsuhiko, back then you were so cute. Are you ok around high places now?"

Sora said grinning with a malicious smile, to say something back, I remembered when we were younger, and searched for something I remembered to counter-attack.

"S,Sora, you cried too. When we went in the haunted house."

"Mu..... I was just scared of unexplained phenomenon"

Sora puffed and turned her face away, but she couldn't hide the redness of her ears.

"Anyway, that was back when I was a kid.”

"I was just a kid back then."

Our faces became serious as we quarreled, and then we blurted something out at the same time.

Our bright laughing voices were trapped inside the narrow carriage.

"We both were kids, weren’t we. There were lot's of things we were scared of."

"Of course. Even still, it's rare that I cry..."

Sora wiped away the tears that had collected in her eyes from laughing too hard.

"You're crying right now."

"This doesn't count. The tears haven't come out so it's not crying."

Fuu, she said with a bold smile, Sora's gaze went outside the window.

"...Isn't it hard?"

That was a question aimed at me, I knew because her voice was gentle.

"I don't know."

While I answered honestly, I gazed at the scenery outside the window too.

"I guess I feel something. I feel bitterness in my chest."

In this ferris wheel, there was a place where Sora and my memories were cut off. It was kind of embarrassing, but it's hidden in my heart, that memory.

It was a similar memory of me and my parents in there.

"My dad let me ride on his shoulders."

What I saw that time was the same scenery I saw in the amusement park at a higher place.

"When I was lost, my mom called out for me."

The joy I felt at that time, the warmth of my mother who held me.

Though I remembered all of it, in these 7 years, I had come to confine those memories.

Today they were released, I felt something.

"I'm a little lonely....I think. But it feels different than bitterness. ...Yeah, after all, I really don't know."

"...I see."

Sora looked at me and smiled.

I looked at her and smiled too. Though I don't know if I smiled successfully.

I didn't feel lonely before I remembered my parents, but that’s because my world is so peaceful now. My quietly calm days with the future predicting ability bestowed upon me have given me the chance to smile.

Maki-chan's figure floated through my mind. Maybe Maki-chan isn't a resident of the dream world, but she is a God instead, she is the one that also gave me that card.

No, I don't care if it's Maki-chan or anyone else.

I feel grateful for whoever gave me that card.

The carriage we were in was close to reaching the highest point on the Ferris wheel.

"...Natsuhiko"

Sora met eyes with me, she expressed a serious facial expression, she spoke.

 "I love you."

 Not saying anything, at first I didn't understand the meaning.

Therefore, as if almost reflexively,

"Yeah."

I said, with a nod.

My head was in an inactive state, but it started to move,

"Is this how you respond to a so-called confession."

Sora said while smiling bitterly, and after that

Confession. I remembered the meaning of those words, I remembered the meaning of that act, I,

"~~~~~~~~!?"

I held my mouth. It wasn’t that riding the Ferris wheel was making me nauseous, what it actually was, was that being full of surprise made me emit a strange noise.

The palm that held my mouth was hot, the part of my face that was being touched was hot.

My whole body was hot like it was on fire, in my boiling head, surprise and questions jumped around like a pachinko ball.

"Co, coco, confe..... confe,ssion?"

"Right. Confession. Because I love you."

She declared it again, I thought my heart would stop.

After all, I couldn't bear it. In this surprise and this tension, and also, this joy.

"Let me spell it out for you."

Sora's face seemed to change into the same red as the colour of my face.

"I'm not saying I just love you as a childhood friend, y'know? It's not that I love you like family either. I love you, Natsuhiko Shidou, as a boy."

Again. She said 'love' again. There was a glimmering deep in her eyes.

I took the hand covering my mouth out of the way. It seems I hadn't been breathing for a little while.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at Sora's serious expression, she spoke.

"Natsuhiko.... well, I, I... I want you to be my boyfriend."

Her expression was inarticulate, it was un-Sora-esque.

Sora made both hands into fists and placed them on her lap, and waited intently for my words.

If I express my true feelings, I'll immediately want to run away.

Crowded with this feeling of tension, being soaked under this pressure made me want to jump out of the carriage... That's what I thought.

But I can't do that.

In Sora's eyes, packed full of thought, she reassured me that “You don’t have to answer.”

-If I said I didn't notice Sora's good will, it would be a lie.

The person who came to support me when I sunk down after losing my parents was without a doubt Sora. Without being comforted or encouraged, Sora simply stayed by me in silence. After I was taken in by my grandparents, when she found the spare time to she would meet up with me.

I don't know how much she's helped me with those things.

I was under the impression that Sora's dedication to supporting me was simply out of kindness, she surely must have felt betrayal.

-But what about your own feelings.

With Sora near me right now, the tranquility, warmth, and happiness I feel are all on the foundation of feelings of gratitude.

-No, they're not.

But before Sora was together with me and healed the wounds from losing my parents, I loved her. Because she was a special existence to me, when I thought I could lose everything again, I found out my reason for living.

And then today, I didn't realise.

When she turned up to our meeting place dressed the best she could.

When she murmured and worried about whether I liked large chested girls.

When she seemed to kindly wrap my hand up and squeeze back.

It was for me. I didn't notice it was for that.

-I love Sora.

For a long time, and right now too,

".....Sora"

She raised her face and immediately met my eyes.

"I love you too, Sora."

Slowly, politely, I put all of my feelings into words.

I wonder if they reached. Sora sighed deeply and held her chest.

After that, she spoke.

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

We asked, mutually. Mutually, we laughed. While tears began to fill up my eyes.

That smile is the answer to the question.

In this moment, surely, Sora and my relationship went from childhood friends to partners.

"You're crying again, Sora."

"I am crying. I don't know why, but that was really tense. While you say that, Natsuhiko, you're crying too."

"I’m not crying. I just have tears in my eyes."

"Kuh, you're mean."

While we both wiped what collected in the corners of our eyes, we laughed together.

It looked like nothing had changed, between us two. But obviously something had changed.

Sora's smile that I saw looked completely different than when we were childhood friends before.

"Natsuhiko. Can I sit next to you?"

Sora stood up without getting an answer, while taking care not to make the carriage shake, she sat down in the empty seat.

Then whether I liked it or not she quickly took my hand in silence, and entwined our fingers like we did in the movie theatre.

When she did that, I became dizzy from my heart beating-

"Wai, So, Sora?"

"Humph. For some reason, when we do this, it feels really nice."

Sora lay her head on my shoulder, and leaned into me. The distance between us had disappeared.

"Isn't this the way partners treat one another?"

when she said that, Sora demonstrated to the window behind us with her empty hand. Through the window, in a lower carriage, I saw a man and woman snuggling together closely. They had a really similar form to us right now.

"It pains me, but I felt like I had to use a reference."

"S, saying that is....a little embarrassing...."

"It's fine, right? I was kind of hesitant. We've become partners. So we can flirt all we like."

"Yeah...that seems right, but I could be mistaken..."

But the warmth Sora's body is giving off is certainly pleasant, I don't want to separate.

In our space, the evening sun thrust through the scratched window.

"To tell the truth, my clothes today have been kind of chilly. I thought it was necessary to endure it for the style Momiji suggested... But, doing this is making me warm."

It wasn't just the body warmth mutually given off, but surely I feel like this is warmth overflowing from inside my heart, Sora probably felt so too.

"Did we come to the amusement park so you could confess?"

"Kind of. In the first place, the date itself was so I could confess."

"Right. .....It was kind of unexpected."

"What was?"

"I thought you weren't interested in something like confessing. That or love."

"I'm not interested. I'm not now. I just, really....for some reason, if I asked if I should confess, it would be like asking for permission."

Sora spoke like she was carefully choosing her words.

"Permission? What do you mean?"

"It's simple. Permission to satisfy my desire. My desire for wanting you."

Sora, who raised her head looked at me, and expressed a smile as she spoke fascinatedly.

"Impulse. I'm a person at the limits of my patience. I can't bear wanting you."

"What do you mean, 'want'?"

"To be together with you. I want to touch your skin. I want to.... connect with you. I want to feel the existence known as Natushiko Shidou's whole body, I want to try and keep it to myself. When we moved up to high school and seemed to share more time together, that desire grew bigger in one go."

A person whose words are too direct. I felt the core of my head become numb.

It's because of what Sora said.

"But, that desire collided with you, and I didn't want to be stubborn. I didn't want to see you troubled. That’s why I confessed.  So that you would accept my desire."

I know the name of that desire.

The desire is called 'affection'. It's absolutely inside of me too.

"Do you think I'm shameful? If you think so there's nothing I can do though."

"Me too."

Sora spoke with a heartfelt expression, she stopped to look at me.

Up until now, it's only her who has been expressing her love, because I'm too pathetic.

"I also want you, Sora. I always want to be together with you. I'm not sure if I can be patient, just like you....."

"In that case.... is it ok, if I want you, Natsuhiko?"

"Yeah. If it's ok for me to want you too, Sora."

"Yeah. Of course"

She smiled while her beautiful eyes dampened, Sora leaned into me again.

"I'm happy.... Happiness. This is happiness."

She murmured as if she was reflecting, I nodded too.

Happiness, my peaceful life I completely lost 7 years ago.

Now it was so close, it had always been next to me.

Soon, the carriage we rode approached the ground.

The door opened, this happy moment seemed to end, the clerk in charged watched us.

"What a rude guy. He could have shut up and let us go around one more time."

"It can't be helped. Let’s come here again sometime."

"Yeah. Next time, let's get a ticket to go around twice in advance."

We stuck together as long as we could, and got off the carriage.

While holding hands. While cuddling close. While there was zero distance between us.

We're not just childhood friends anymore. This is the distance of partners.

 x

 After we left the memorable amusement park, we went on our way home.

We coincided with the home-time rush, Kitaharagawa station platform was overflowing with people.

Since the high speed train that stops at Hachiougi in one stop was probably full, we waited on the platform for the next train, to take the slow train home.

As we did,

"....Ah"

Pushed in the crowd of people, it looked like Sora was about to slip off the platform.

In a hurry, I pulled our entangled hands.

The train passed by immediately behind Sora, who I managed to pull into me to protect her.

"Sora, are you ok?"

"Yeah, Thank you. I'm fine."

My heart rang out like an alarm bell.

"Really... I'm glad I was holding your hand."

"Yeah. Really."

What if I wasn't holding her hand. If we were still childhood friends, that would be dangerous.

We gripped each other's hands even more strongly.

    Interlude: Our Retribution Policy

 "What a nice sight."

He said while watching the TV.

Transmitted on the screen was news reporting on a fire breaking out in the city.

In one room of the burning apartment complex, they discovered the burnt corpse of an unemployed man.

That man was the offender of a series of arson incidents that disturbed society.

Then, about a week ago, the man that he demanded I “bestow a reward” upon.

"An arsonist burning to death in a fire. There's nothing more appropriate than this."

Without any especially deep emotion, he was uninterested.

The incident which should have happened naturally, happened naturally. He probably recognised that.

I stood in the corner of the living room, and simply listened to his voice.

 In order to grant his wish, I became his tool.

The one who establishes the target of retaliation, is him. The one who performs it, is me.

I say ‘perform’, but it isn’t necessary for me to do it first-hand. By manipulating the probability that fills this world, I am able to bestow a reward in the form of misfortunate accidents and events even to far, far away targets of retribution.

From the moment I decided to grant his wish, I began to understand that it was unnecessary for me to think about what kind of reward would be appropriate. An existence like me, a thing that grants peoples wishes, accommodates the wishes that I should grant.

He understood my power, but he was, nonetheless, cautious.

He first chose offenders of villainous incidents occurring in Japan as targets of retribution. That was probably in order try out my power.

For example, if it’s a case where the police cannot identify the suspect, if I learn the appearance and name of the offender, their whereabouts and the events in their past. Performing retribution, confirming what to establish retribution on, it’s not difficult.

 The appropriate reward, for the whole world.

 Unlike the creator, I am imperfect, and am not able to change the world one by one.

Nevertheless, if we do something like this we’ll get closer the world I wish for little by little, he said.

"After tomorrow, include the people close to me as retribution targets."

People close to him. Such as relatives and family?

"Not my family. They're too close. We'll go outside, give the people walking around their appropriate rewards.”

Are you planned to ascertain the efficiency of my abilities?

"Yes. ...Besides, when we go outside, wear this. That weird appearance stands out too much. Then I won't mind walking with you."

He held out the paper bag placed on the table to me.

I took it and looked inside, the uniform for girls for the school he attended was inside.

"I put a hair tie in there too. Tie up that pointlessly long hair."

He spoke tiresomely, and returned to his room.

He's a strange man, I thought again.

This isn't the first time he's given me things.

The first thing he gave me, was a place to stay. One room in the apartment his parents seemed to have bought him as a gift, in there he allocated one room to me. Originally, there were many rooms as he was living away from home, it seemed to be left over.

Now in the room that was once vacant, a simple bed and dressing table had been placed, the closet really wasn't needed when he lived alone, it was stored full of clothes for girls.

I've met many humans until now, but I haven't once been treated like this.

I'm worshipped like a God, though I'm creepy like a monster, to him it's like I'm just a person, and he treats me like I'm just a girl. Though he avoids obviously behaving like he looks down on me, he is exceedingly polite towards me.

I felt like something else was strange.

That is his personality.

I've seen him when he talks to friends over the phone. His tone and expression then truly look like a different person. He's bright, friendly, exchanging things like jokes when he talks, it doesn't bare the slightest resemblance from the usual him that I know.

Perhaps he suffers from a split personality disorder?

"That's stupid. I'm just acting."

I asked, and didn't feel any friendliness in the slightest, a cold voice answered.

"When I’m talking to inferior people, it’s better to get on their good sides rather than make enemies.  I’m putting on a personality that they prefer. It’s a little freebie for them.”

It looked like very jokey personality.

"Hmph. Usually it’s pretty jokey, but deep down it’s more serious, it makes sure people won’t tell lies. That personality’s the most popular. I can’t joke around too much, but I also can’t be too serious. But no matter what, it always holds the position of being inferior to others.”

Do people prefer others who are inferior to them?

"Naturally. People suffer from inferiority complexes. They can’t hold the feeling that people better than them enjoy being around them. Having no self-confidence is encouraging to them, because it makes them suffer.”

But, the feeling of honour exists in humans too. Would you not call honour the feeling of when people better than yourself enjoy being around you?

"What a sweet thought. Humans envy things. While you call it honour, on the flip side, jealousy lurks. Besides, since I’m the only person who realises that, that’s the biggest trouble.”

Although he asserted that, I didn't see that there was any portion of the popular student that was inferior.

I didn’t think anybody would pretend to be inferior just so they could have people that enjoy being around them.

"I don’t actually have to be inferior at everything. Inferior people don’t try and see the true nature of things, they live in a fantasy. Even interpersonal relationships are complemented with fantasies. Muttering some complaints instead of greeting them, that alone makes people relieved. Those guys are probably imperfect the same way that I am, they see the version of me that they create in their head, not the real me, and that makes them feel better.”

He spoke just like he could read other people's minds.

"Of course you think I can read them. What the masses are thinking is easier to read than children's literature, it's easy to understand. Well, to me it is."

Then why would you keep company with such inferior people?

"Well, I hate losing. It doesn’t matter how trivial it is, I always want to continue on as the winner. My abilities aren't enough, the quality and number of my friends, the value of my surroundings, and also, how many people would die for me are. I want to continue to win at all those things.”

In order to do that, you dominate in understanding people's minds?

"I enjoy winning. At least, more than losing."

Was wishing for retribution so you could win?

"I'm talking about the person sitting at the winning position. Giving people rewards, judging sin, they're both the job of a superior person. Rating everyone's actions and thoughts and bestowing an appropriate price on those... don’t you think that's the appropriate privilege for the person who sits at the top?"

I didn't answer his question.

To him it also probably wasn't necessary that I replied.

Me, who was not a person, had to admire his way of thinking, I didn’t think to criticise him.

I simply became a tool to him, who wished strongly, just to accomplish my goal.

I am a thing that grants people's wishes.

A thing, simply just for that.

Chapter 3 --->

[trickormemes]

Elijah & Christine sentence starters

195 starters feel free to change gender pronouns content warning: alcohol mention, cussing, drug mention, sexual themes, violence

"I'll fucking kill you, you hear me?! I'll fucking kill you!"

"I just woke up and realized that I got fucking bit by a brown fucking recluse spider, which is my literal biggest fear."

"I actually feel like I'm on the set of Glee right now."

"You're gonna get bullied. Or do the bullying, I don't know..."

"Someone's gonna jerk off to this."

"No, we have to go. No. Come on."

"I don't have a tongue."

"Yeah, I'm pretty gay."

"What if someone's window was down at a stop sign and I screamed at the top of my lungs "Help! Help me, they're trying to kill me!"? What would they do? How would they react?"

"I got my test results back! I'm gay!"

"I peed my pants at the movie theater when we saw the last Lord of the Rings movie because I drank an extra large Mr. Pibb, and it was like a four hour movie, and I didn't wanna miss it so I just peed my pants and I was literally, like... I was like ten years old."

"This should not be on the internet."

"That is a furry butt plug."

"Do you know where vaginas are?"

"Just eat the lube."

"We're not making a fucking sex tape."

"He just called me ugly."

"You are gonna have the cock of a life time."

"I went to the bathroom because I had to poop, but I was pooping so hard I started sweating and I had to get my makeup redone."

"I broke it."

"What is that on your shirt?"

"I feel like Hannah Montana in the beginning of the Hannah Montana Movie where she has to drive the golf cart into the backstage of the stadium to get to hair and makeup on time."

"Finger me with those!"

"_____! Wake the fuck up, you're at a party!"

"Honey, I'm going to fucking Willy Wonka's goddamn chocolate factory!"

"See, bitch? What the fuck I tell you? Willy goddamn Wonka."

"Tell me why it's five o'clock in the morning and you have a fucking tomato on your bed."

"Why do you have hot dogs in your fucking backpack?"

"Look at that little mannequin. Why is he standing like that?"

"I got this pretty sick disappearing act. You wanna see it?"

"What's your social security number?"

"That's not an air horn, that's hair spray."

"Listen, I was told to be a YouTuber all I needed was some fucking Orbeez and a hot knife."

"I post new videos every day because I have no goddamn life."

"You're fucking cleaning these up!"

"I'm gonna throw up my slushie."

"I always knew since the day I was born I was meant to be a goblin."

"A small child just kicked my leg. Not even joking."

"You look like you might get kicked out of a Christian Halloween party."

"I like my women like I like my forks. In my mouth."

"You lost already."

"You walked a whole block and didn't fall over. Good job."

"Eat the booty like groceries."

"You need to go because you don't fucking live here."

"I hope you both fucking fall."

"I'M LEAKIIIINNGG!!!"

"You look like you're fucking dying."

"I got your beef and broccoli right here, baby."

"I feel like I'm in clay-mation. I feel my whole life is in stop-motion. I'm Coraline."

"Yeah, and by 'yeah' I mean 'fuck no.'"

"Get your witch fingers off me."

"You look like Kesha in 2009."

"Nobody here fucking knows you."

"I know in my heart that it isn't true, but it still hurts my feelings."

"_____ just got a Nintendo Switch, uh, so she just... hasn't said a word for the past 48 hours."

"This is some complicated Lego action. There's two fucking booklets."

"Would you fuck like a real—like a life-size Lego person?"

"I would fuck Lego Chris Pratt. I would fuck human Chris Pratt. I would fuck Chris Pratt's horse. I said horse, I meant corpse."

"Not everything is gay fanfiction, _____."

"It's spicy. It got in my eye."

"Oh my god, it's a Valentine's Day card from my grandpa... And he gave me ten dollars!"

"Get up. We're going out to dinner."

"_____, you are the most disgusting person I know, and I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

*rapping* "Rain drop, drop top, he just proposed with a Ring Pop."

"Okay, can you not be... so cute?"

"Why are you smoking weed on the fucking toilet?"

"Bitch, you know this isn't your house, right?"

"I wanna bake fucking weed brownies in an EZ Bake oven, so we're going into Walmart to get an EZ Bake oven."

"A solid substance is definitely not a good substitute for liquid."

"I don't know how to park this fucking car."

"How do you smell like Home Town Pride? What would my— My hometown would smell like stale beer and, like, Cheetos."

"Look, they make personalized candles. Smells like divorce."

"Even I don't know why I did that."

"_____, I'm literally gonna shit myself."

"I know you can't drink anymore. You've had too many shots."

"Oh, I fucking hate you! You bitch! Fuck you!"

"This is so easy. Why do you complain about it? It's not a hard job."

"God is a woman."

"Which side are you trying to fucking get on? Which one?"

"Why the fuck would we smoke weed out of a watermelon?"

"I just made a fucking Pringle bong, bitch."

"I feel like I'm being probed by aliens."

"Do whatever you want to me."

"Make it ten dollars next time, bitch."

"I am shooketh."

"I licked it. I got a little taste."

"It's a fucking cake. Stop calling it brownies."

"Honey, my life's Hell on Earth."

"It's not that fucking deep, it's a video game."

"Why the fuck do you look like a Miami coke-dealer dad right now?"

"Man, I feel like I'm in, like, Sex and the City right now. Like an episode of Girls right now. Like I'm in an episode of, like, Broad City."

"I'm giving _____ 'fuck me' eyes."

"Don't change the song, you're not the fucking DJ. What are you putting on?"

"Why do you know the whole dance?"

"If I croak, you can have my eye balls."

"I'm drunk as shit."

"It's been two hours of this shit. Can you guys just fucking stop?"

"We said we weren't gonna drink tonight, and now we're drunk on these stairs."

"YOU'RE FUCKING TOASTING PIZZA?!"

"You get points on the creativity, but you fucking lost on the execution, BITCH!"

"Get in the fucking car."

"_____, we've been driving for six fucking hours. Where are we going?"

"Quit being such a little bitch."

"I'm filming this. This is a horrible film."

"My drag name is Goblin Breath."

"I bit my swimming instructor in the face."

"Why would I have to be drunk to do that?"

"I feel like three-years-old is a little too old to be biting people in the face."

"That is the most 'you' sentence I have ever heard come out of your mouth."

"COME ON, DRINK UP, BITCH!"

"You're ten shots in already? This is gonna be a fucking disaster."

"I full-on peed my pants."

"_____, the smile you got when you thought you answered that right was pretty amazing."

"How my ass taste, bitch?"

"_____, I don't think you can put a dildo on top of Christmas tree. It's really weird."

"Okay, I'm not sure if it's historically accurate, but I'm pretty sure Jesus would puke too."

"If you fuck this up, I will JFK you."

"Why am I fucking trusting you to do this?"

"I'm still drunk, but today's another day, you know?"

"Can you hold it together for two fucking minutes?"

"I can't hold it together for three fucking seconds."

"Sorry you're low-key ugly."

"Hey, baby girl, you high as fuck."

"Someone's gonna Photoshop a dick in your mouth. And now I just solidified that by saying it."

"This looks like the beginning of a CSI episode where, like, a crazy cat lady gets murdered."

"Didn't I tell you you're not allowed to talk on our vlogs unless your shirt's off?"

"I'll fuck your belly button."

"Why are you still here? You have your own house."

"Honestly, these little dick candies aren't that fucking bad."

"My mom is disappointed in me."

"I got a gingerbread house."

"Aggressive, max. size twelve-inch—sounds good!"

"Your math probably isn't off, but like, your morals are."

"Oh look, another sad kid in a black hoodie."

"I built a little ball pit to smoke weed in."

"I'm the Rachel Ray of alien egg-laying dildos."

"Are you using a marker to stir it? There's literally spoons over there."

"Let's keep it PG, please."

"If you spit in my mouth I will murder your family. I will murder your entire family. I will gut you and feed you to the birds."

"Okay, the three things I hate: heights, small spaces, and you."

"Why are you the adult Honey Boo Boo child?"

"Do I need this? No. Do I want it? ...Also no."

"You better stop it, you're gonna give me a little chub."

"This is why people think we're dating all the time."

"This is supposed to be bottomless mimosas. I can clearly... I can cleary see the bottom."

"If I don't get married in the next five minutes I will riot."

"This is the most action I've gotten in years."

"Already spilled... literally ten seconds into my meal. Awesome."

"I don't even know what I said. I don't know what I'm saying right now."

"That ruined my life."

"The taste is good, the texture is like eating your grandpa's ballsack."

"The world would be a better place if everybody just pissed their pants."

"I'm not even gonna try because I know the answer's no."

"I mean, I'm seeing it right now and I'm underwhelmed."

"You're a walking fucking disaster."

"Take a bite. Get ready to have your world rocked."

"I HOPE YOU BREAK UP!"

"You look like a fucking glazed donut, honey."

"Ew, ew, oh my god, there's children, ew!" *gags*

"Not the first time I've ruined a party because I was naked and screaming."

"That used to be a [insert restaurant name] and I almost fought a girl in the parking lot once. But she didn't show up."

"Oh my god, that's dark. Why did you laugh?"

"This show's not for free, honey."

"Why is your brain full of so much useless information?"

"Why did you just call Mr. Krabs by his first name?"

"It tastes like a Starbust for your dick."

"No one wants to fuck you. Sorry."

“Like the most basic law of human nature. Everyone knows that... bagels are straight.”

“Recreate the Friends intro right now.”

“GO! YES! BITCH! GET IT!”

“I got this soda from a gas station-truck stop, and apparently it’s soda that makes you horny.”

“I need two pasties for one nipple because my nipples are so big. Like, this big. They’re, like, not pepperonis, they’re like salamis.”

“I’m, like, livid. I cannot believe you don’t have a phone case right now. What is wrong with you?”

“The horny soda! I’m horny now!”

“I feel like I’m in a romantic comedy.”

“We’re gonna fucking die out here. It’s like The Hills Have Eyes.”

“We’re stranded in the desert... Well, at least we’re together.”

“At least friendship doesn’t overheat.”

“My conditioner opened in my backpack and now it looks like there’s cum on all my clothes.”

“Trying to get laid is so fucking annoying.”

“See, if you get an Audi and you drive it off the lot, it depreciates immediately. Chanel doesn’t depreciate. I can sell this in ten years.”

“I’m having a quarter-life crisis.”

“Why am I out of breath?”

“How do you fit two penises in one hole?”

“You were just crawling naked on the ground. Why would you do that?”

“It’s 7:30 in the fucking morning. Go back to sleep.”

“Does it hurt for water to become ice? You’re changing your molecular composition. Like... you’re probably gonna experience some discomfort.”

“Are you gonna cry now? What is going on?”

“I have not looked this shitty in so long.”

“I feel like I got hit by a fucking bus.”

“Run ‘em over.”

“Why are there ghosts in my fucking apartment?”

“If I wanna sit on the grass and feel the uneasy presence of ghosts, I would just go to my grandma’s house.”

“I’m like a surprisingly good cook for somebody whose method of cooking is just putting everything in a pan and hoping for the best, but it works out, like, nine out of ten times.”

“I flake on people, I’m sorry. I’m also a bad texter.”

[alexanderwrites]

Top of the Flops - Cursed (2005)

A brief introduction: I watch a lot of movies, and specifically, I watch a lot of terrible movies. On purpose. Perhaps it was growing up on Adam Sandler movies that did it, but I am naturally drawn to the mistakes of cinema. Making friends that are equally as obsessed with the annals of acrid cinema helped encourage my plight, as did the great podcast, How did this Get Made? I’ve learned to embrace my love of the hot garbage, yet all my terrible film watching tended to just fall into a well deep inside my brain where it’d remain, only to occasionally crawl back out and force me to admit: “Oh shit, I think i’ve seen that”. And so, with this feature, I will attempt to look these movies dead in the eye and say “.....alright then”. These films won’t necessarily be the traditional flop, but they will exist in one of three categories (or hopefully, all three): Financial Flop, Critical Flop, or Flop inside my own Heart. And we start with a movie that swipes at those three categories with a badly animated paw and succeeds at being all of them.

Budget: $38m

Gross: $29.6m

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 16%

When you think about something being cursed, sure, you might think of someone bitten by a Hollywood Werewolf. Or, you might think of a film that is produced by Bob and Harvey Weinstein, the unsurpassed ineffectual tinkerers of Hollywood Movies. Cursed has a lot of curses, but it is hard to find one more damning than that of the Weinstein curse, which put this movie through years of production hell while they desperately attempted to lower the rating and stuff it full of stars so that people would actually go and see it. They failed wildly. Pandering is the bread and butter of Horror Cinema of the mid-2000s (let us not forget that Paris Hilton starred in the House of Wax remake that year) and boy does this film come off as a parent trying to access your love by accessing your CD collection (shit, ‘CD collection’? Sorry, this film has put me into 2005 mode, when I actually owned CDs by some of the bands in this soundtrack).

How pander-ific does it get? The film opens with a Bowling for Soup concert. Y’know, the guys who sang Girl all the Bad Guys Want? Yeah, them. Whether or not they were a voice of a generation, this film skews pretty young, and in case you were worried that they’re just aiming for the kids who ride skateboards, worry no more: the singer Mya is at the concert. Yes, the singer Mya. And the strangest thing is, the singer Mya doesn’t sing at all. Which is what, if anything, she was known for. It is entirely possible she showed up to the production, Wes Craven didn’t recognise her and instead cast her as “girl who flirts and therefore gets violently killed”. And later, the trifecta of “WHY ARE THEY THERE” musicians is complete when Lance Bass has a wordless cameo. Oh Bass, you truly were the Alfred Hitchcock of cameos! (Alfred Hitchcock was also the Alfred Hitchcock of cameos, as well as the Alfred Hitchcock of Alfred Hitchcocks). 

Aside from Christina Ricci and Jesse Eisenberg leading the cast, (who no teen on earth cared about in 2005), the film’s attempt to celebrit-ise the cast list is, erm...weird? There’s Shannon Elizabeth (who was 5 years past being popular), Joshua Jackson (who was 10 years past being popular) and Scott Baio (who was literally never popular). As Bart once pointed out: “What’s a Chachi?”. And, if it had been released ten years later, the film could’ve had something on their hands with this cameo...

It’s odd that the film should be such a cynical Hollywood cheap-fest because writer Kevin Williamson (scribe of classics like Scream and...not classics like I Know What You Did Last Summer) is quite the meta lover, and is excitedly peppers the script with lots of digs at Hollywood. They’re not good digs: Jesse Eisenberg suggests that as the werewolf is from Hollywood, it might have breast implants, an image that’s so stupid, yet so viscerally disgusting, that I wish Eisenberg had never opened his bastard mouth to say it. Williamson is not much of a satirist outside of Scream, but you get the feeling he thinks he is. “I’m gonna make fun of dumb old Hollywood whilst making a film that is the most clear cut example of dumb old Hollywood. Haha! Take that, me!”.

The film has promise in its names: Wes Craven behind the camera and Rick Baker on makeup, but in reducing the film’s certificate, The Weinstein’s rid the movie of almost any of that great Baker body horror makeup, and any of that Craven intelligence. I can’t blame it all on them: the scariest thing about it is how horrifically directed it is: it looks like a TV Movie, and I genuinely would not surprised if Craven was napping through 80% of filming. And it’s an odd decision to rely so heavily on cheap looking CGI when Baker is around - it’s like they said “Great, we’ve got Rick Baker on board! Now, lets lock him in that cupboard over there for two years”. Because this film literally took over two years to make. A film taking a long time, a film having reshoots, and a film having rewrites, are three signs your film is in trouble. Cursed has all three of those. I mean, did it really sound promising when Men in Black 3′s rewrites were going so badly that they got Will Smith on board to help out? It damn well didn’t, and we ended up with a film with lines like “I will pimp-slap the shiznit out of you”. In 2012. 

You can tell Cursed was filmed over gigantic periods of time, which would explain why nobody in the film appears to give a shit about anything that’s happening. Ricci, Eisenberg and Jackson seem so entirely bored and quite honestly, sleepy, that it’s baffling that Wes didn’t say ‘Hey can we try that once more but this time not shitty?’. Not that he cared too much - how do you direct a film from someone’s else’s script for nearly THREE years and still care? How do you maintain a solid and consistent directing style over three years? The answer is: you don’t. 

I can not blame the bad performances. The script is so dire and laughable that caring about it requires energy which could be better spent on things such as making some lunch or clearing out your junk mail folders. I mean, what could Ricci possibly see in her character Ellie? She’s a talk show producer which never plays into her story, and after she and her brother are attacked by an LA Werewolf, what exciting changes in her occur? What emotional developments does she have to grapple with? Well for a starter, she wears a new shirt to work. It’s the most nondescript shirt imaginable, and yet it causes her co-worker to tell her she looks “Saucy”. Did I mention that this movie has no idea how people talk or act? She does so little else, except sniff the odd bit of blood, and worry that her brooding boyfriend, Joshua Jackson, isn’t happy with her. His story isn’t much better, the crux of his arc in the first half is “He loves to fuck so much, but can he learn to cut back on all the fucking?”. Oh, and he has a club to open, which is a bizarre Madame Tussauds of horror movie mannequins, but also Cher and Xena, and also a house of mirrors, and also a DJ. And Lance Bass attends the opening. It feels like the weirdest and laziest shoehorn of “Hey here’s some horror movie imagery so we can tie our movie to much better horror movies!”, and the twist is so predictable that I wrote in my notes “If Joshua Jackson doesn’t turn out to be a werewolf I will eat my own hands.”. 

         IF ONLY there was some framing to give me a hint! Darn it!

Meanwhile, Jesse Eisenberg plays Jimmy, who knows he is turning into a werewolf because he went on “internet search” and typed in the words “Werewolf L.A”. He doesn’t seem very bothered, though. As soon as they get home from their initial attack (during which Shannon Elizabeth is in a fiery car wreck and then dragged off to her death), he says, with casual indifference “Well. G’night”. After he saw a woman killed. And after they were attacked by a gigantic wolf. Nobody seems to care about anything that is happening, but why should they? Jimmy’s werewolf transformation is only marginally more exciting than Ellie’s, because he gets the Spiderman 3 style hair makeover (although this is spiky rather than floppy) and he can now suplex his bully. 

Ellie’s transformation means she can catch a fly in her bare hand, y’know, just as werewolves are always doing. The film seems to forget that they’re actually supposed to be werewolves because they never actually turn into werewolves, and it never seems to affect their lives too badly. The traditional impetus for werewolves’ story arc is that they want to stop becoming a werewolves because they don’t want to kill people. That isn’t even hinted at with either Ellie or Jimmy - they never even try to kill anyone, they never fully transform, and the most dangerous Ellie gets is when she yells “Don’t start with me!” at a producer who doesn’t want Scott Baio to be bumped for Carrot Top. Seriously. A moment that is supposed to showcase Ellie’s newfound animal fury involves a conversation about Carrot Top and Scott Baio. For most of the film she doesn’t really believe she’s a werewolf, which gives us a contender for worst line of 2005: “Everybody’s cursed. It’s called life”. Her story is thoroughly underwritten, meanwhile you wish Jimmy’s story was not written at all.

Because he’s Jesse Eisenberg, he gets bullied by someone who throws homophobic slurs at him even though, as Jimmy repeatedly reminds us, he’s not gay. Poor straight kid! That must be tough, being straight! Some of these insults include “Your dog is gay too!”, and “You ass wimp wad”. But it’s okay, because it turns out the bully is gay! And not only that, but he turns up on Jimmy’s front porch and tries to kiss him, which leads to another of the worst/best lines of the film: “i’m not gay....i’m a werewolf”. The nonchalant way he just reveals that information is ridiculous, and is another demonstration of the way that nobody seems to care very much about anything in this movie. The film doesn’t seem to care very much about its set pieces either, one of which happens moments after the porch scene. The family dog for no apparent reason is a werewolf now, too! A vague, fuzzily CGI’d ball of brown that throws itself through windows!

                                   “Ahh!! It’s an....onion bhaji?”

Meanwhile, Joshua Jackson’s secret kind of just falls out, as if Kevin Williamson was like “Oh RIGHT, there has to be an antagonist”. Joshua Jackson is a werewolf after all, and this draws the action towards the opening of his club, where Jimmy’s bully joins them for some reason, and proceeds to get knocked out instantly, a state in which he remains for the entire duration of the scene. 

  “My dying wish is that I one day star in a superhero show that is beloved for      one season and then the most hated thing on TV for the second season”

The great TV writer John Swartzwelder was known for using “for some reason” in his scripts, which worked beautifully for a solid, absurd joke. But Cursed is a supposed horror film that takes “for some reason” and bases its entire third act on it. Why are they all here at this club? Why is Judy Greer turning into a werewolf now? And why, by any stretch of the imagination, did the writers think that, after having her looks insulted, it’d be a good idea to have the Greerwolf do this:

Yes, Judy Greer is the last-minute big bad wolf, but to what end? Where was all the build up to that? What is her motivation? And how much longer if there left of this film? She gives an expository dump about how much she hates women and thus wants to eat her, and it carries about as much weight as the fly that Ellie caught earlier (callbacks!). The big fight between Greerwolf and Jimmy & Ellie feels totally unearned, and they don’t even use any of their Werewolf abilities. I mean, sure, it’s a fun sight seeing Jesse Eisenberg charging at Greerwolf with a sword and shouting “yyAAAH YAAAAAAAH”, but the scene ends without Ellie and Jimmy doing anything impressive at all, and instead a bunch of cops just shooting her to death. It’s not very clever or satisfying. At least she got to crack a few lines before her time was up, including “Showtime. Isn’t that what they say?”. Uhh...yeah I guess? Good one? The film cannot seem to make up its mind on what any of the characters think or want, and so Joshua Jackson goes from good, to bad, to good and back to bad again, and not for one second does the disinterest on his face let up.

      “I’m a fuckin wolf and uh, i’m gonna eat you now I guess. Or not. Wes!?”

The final set piece, which limps along after what feels like a 20 minute film (which is actually 100 minutes) occurs after 3 acts which involve zero emotional development, and zero cool werewolf moments. Surely now is the time for our protagonist, Ellie, to have both? Nah! Instead she slowly sort-of turns into a werewolf, by getting lumpy skin and big teeth. She never fully transforms (“It happens slowly at first” says Jackson, meaning “we don’t have the budget for a full transformation”) and doesn’t even get to overpower Joshua Jackson, which would’ve at least given her some agency and closure. That task is left to Jimmy who crawls around on the ceiling for a bit, (another classic werewolf attribute??) before eventually stopping Jackson with a shovel and a....cake serving knife. A cake serving knife that you see a lot of in the film, because apparently cake serving knives are really cool props to have as a sort of Chekhov’s Cake Server?

            “Teenagers LOVE cake servers, right” - Kevin Williamson

Jimmy saves Ellie with the help of the cake server, and once Jackson is down, Ellie at the very least she gets to smash Jackson’s head off, and his body burns. Kitchen RUINED. She doesn’t even seem upset that she’s had to smash her supposed love’s head clean off his body. And mere moments after this, Jimmy’s crush comes to the door having found their were-dog, and conveniently knowing that a) it’s his dog and b) where he lives. They have a kiss and walk off, with his bully in attendance because apparently he doesn’t have a family of his own. They all got over that evening pretty fast. After tearing a werewolf’s head off and having your sister nearly killed, would you not want to hang out for a bit longer? Just have a bit of a night in? Instead, it’s a casual “Well that’s done then, bye!”. And there’s his arc. He’s made a friend, got a girlfriend, and saved his sister. And what was Ellie’s arc? She wears a new shirt, has her life nearly ended several times, has her house ruined, and then, as Jimmy fucks off with his mates, she closes the film with the line “I’m just gonna stay here and clean”. Seriously. That’s her resolution. That’s how she ends the film. Bloodied, miserable, alone, and cleaning up the gore in her kitchen. I can’t wait for Cursed 2 to see if she managed to successfully hoover up all that werewolf fur!! 

It’s a real failure of a film in every regard. It does lean towards trying to be fun rather than trying to be scary, but couldn’t it have tried to be even a bit spooky? Could the jump scares have not been so endless and predictable. I mean, ten points for anyone who can guess where the jump scare is coming from in this scene:

Yes, a cuckoo clock is about as scary as it gets. I could tolerate the lack of care put into the story and the characters if the action and horror were there, but they really aren’t. There is nothing tense, well crafted or smart in the film. It’s baffling to think this is the guy who made Scream and A Nightmare on Elm Street, because this doesn’t just feel like it was directed by someone having an off day, it feels like it was directed by someone whose only experience is directing episodes of MTV’s Cribs. It doesn’t attempt to subvert, improve or even just successfully repeat the werewolf formula, instead it just throws random iconography from those movies at you with Dashboard Confessional songs playing loudly enough to distract you from this terrible film with an even more terrible soundtrack. Terrible, and yet I did have fun with it. It actually benefits from being flimsy and light as air, and as dreadful as it gets, I did appreciate it not taking itself too seriously. There are enough unintentionally funny and simply bizarre moments to make it an enjoyable watch, and it’s not the most hatable of films. It could almost have had a charm, if it wasn’t really, really, extremely bad. 

Worth a hate watch?: Yes

Worst/best line: “I’m not gay....i’m a werewolf”

Worst film of 2005?: Son of the Mask, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Doom, XXX 2, The Pacifier and Bewitched all came out in 2005, so no. Cursed might be a bad film from a bad year, but it is not the worst. Rob Schneider knows very well which film is the worst of 2005. 

[floggingink]

Riverdale: “Chapter Ten: The Lost Weekend”

What damn high school in America: Riverdale High classes begin at 8:30 and last until 3:01, fucking imaginary high schools starting classes a fucking hour later in the morning than my fucking real one

Riverdale English students discuss dystopian fiction as sophomores, fucking imaginary high schools leaving 1984 and Brave New World a fucking year later than my fucking real one

Archie and Jughead continue to, apparently, seamlessly live out of the same room

Archie really, really wanting his parents to work it out after all this time is precious, his baseball-style Henley, precious

Veronica was rich: I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’m ready to guess that Veronica’s black handbag with the lock is an Hermès

“Why does this suddenly feel like a friend-tervention?”

Betty has known Jughead most of her waking life and doesn’t know when his birthday is? Jughead has been keeping that shit under mad wraps

Archie does a VERY good friend-tervention telling Betty about Jughead and the Bijou and how Betty trumps him this year

Fifth period is AP English: Archie forgot until this moment that The Three Musketeers is an actual book. I would posit Jughead as principles-of-friendship-above-all Aramis, Archie as loopy Porthos, Betty as a less-drunk Athos, and Veronica as flashy newby d’Artagnan

Betty-inviting-gang-leader-FP-Jones-to-dinner is but the first salvo in this episode’s artillery battery BEETHOVEN DRAMA OPERA

“Does he know you’re calling me?”: FP’s instinctual “ahhhhah” uncomfortable laugh at Betty “surprising” Jughead; “There’s one thing Jughead likes less than surprises, and that’s his birthday,” wisdom of the elders

how did Betty get FP’s cell? HOW? I don’t care! Riverdale!

Archie immediately shakes his head, like a lot, like emphatically, at Betty throwing Jughead a “low-key surprise party,” the third time Betty is straightforwardly told to leave it alone, Veronica characterizes it as “negativity” as opposed to “life truths about how some people are shy and introverted”

Kevin: Everybody says that and nobody means it. Archie: He fucking well means it

CHUCK! CHUCK! CHUCK!

“lats” apparently are like, back muscles

can you believe Betty marched right over there!!?? Betty full of rage is my favorite Betty!!!!

the shot of Betty clenching her fist at her side like a gritty reboot of the Arthur meme

“I’M NOT GOING DARK ANYTHING.” remember how awesome Betty was in the first episode right before Cheryl sat down at their lunch table and Betty was like “DON’TTALKABOUTARCHIE”?? I’m breathing into a paper bag

Veronica recognizes Dark Betty from across the caf

Ethel’s extremely wholesome lunch of half a sandwich, an orange, a banana

Archie is like…what…at Chuck winking at him…

everyone is focusing their misplaced interpersonal tension on this party and EVERYONE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!! CHUCK! CHUCK! CHUCK! YES!!!

the same day: “Man, you don’t quit, do you?” “Rarely. If ever.”

her brown skirt!

of course the last time Betty saw Jughead and his father interact was FP showing up late to get him out of questioning at the sheriff’s, so she assumes Jughead seeing FP being there for him is what he wants

Alice’s flowery blouse

“You’re really falling for this Jones boy, aren’t you?” YUP-PER

Betty KNOWS she should tell Jughead about the CHUCK! chlorine/maple syrup drama, but that was Dark Betty! so she doesn’t!!!

“There are some things about myself that I struggle with.”

I haven’t seen a single John Landis movie! but he’s always funny on those Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments Halloween specials

Archie just informs Jughead that he’s going to the movies with Betty, and Jughead is like, Et tu?

Jughead uncomfortably describing his family refusing to acknowledge their problems, arbitrary celebrations, my childhood

Veronica in plastic cat-eye reading glasses? no, that’s fine. yes. sure, I guess. sure. yes. fine.

@newton-scarmander

Hermione listening to what Veronica has figured out since learning what Archie overheard: is she hearing this for the first time, about the Blossom payments and the Blossoms’ hand in Hiram’s arrest? or is she thinking hard while her daughter catches up to where she already is?

Hermione calls Clifford a “wig-wearing monster,” DAMN

Cheryl’s hair: no ponytail this practice for the HBIC! doesn’t need one!

Cheryl, on being front-and-center as usual: “But of course. I do have the maddest skills on the squad.”

“We live in a democratic society, Cheryl.” no cheertators here! only friend-terventions!

Gay?!: “Who’s cherry-on-top?” VERONICA?

Gay.: stop and truly think about the glory of the dance-off. it is completely unnecessary narratively except to piss Cheryl off enough to want revenge, which could just as easily have come from Veronica tossing a snide remark over her shoulder. instead, literally, before my eyes, a cheerleader-themed ode to sapphism. catered to girls. high-waisted shorts. Veronica’s shirt is tucked in. Cheryl’s So You Think You Can Dance hair-writhing. Veronica’s toned thighs and baseball socks. Cheryl is in lipstick for no reason

Betty knows who won before she asks, has never been prouder, more gay

to be sure, though, where are Veronica and the Vixens going? is practice over?

Cheryl is furious at being overturned, but also on principle that her living mannequins didn’t even have the guts to vote against her

“SHOO, BITCHES.”

Archie is so stressed he is getting out his father’s alcohol at five in the afternoon???

DILTON, DILTON, DILTON IS BACK! I MISSED YOU, YOU CREEP

“our arch-nemesi”: not nemeses? possibly a “Winklevii” reference

Cheryl’s pins: Cheryl has pinned her spider pin onto her white fur

Cheryl eats the cherry-on-top on top of Chuck’s milkshake. oh little does she know. “I saw the way you were looking at me.” LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW

Veronica has a dark sparkly pin on HER black fur

Mr. Sowerberry went to the Bryan Fuller-Hannibal Lecter school of interior decorating for offices (it’s dim af)

Hiram Lodge is so shady he uses “–” instead of an em-dash

does Jughead not eat lunch in the cafeteria with everyone else? why wasn’t this quiet bitch at lunch with them?

Kevin and Jughead “TALK”

Best costume bit: obviously Betty’s crown sweater from Sak’s was knitted by angels just for her, one imagines Jughead’s expression upon seeing it

“What exactly happened between you guys that night?” ALERT!!!!!! JUGHEAD DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE BALCONETTE BRA!!!!!!!

“I only really ask because…he made it sound like you were upset.”

Betty Cooper thematically coded as a werewolf really waters my crops, Jughead beams, cupping her shoulder yyeeeesssssss

Ethel’s scarab beetle pin is back! why was Ethel invited? why not, but like, why was she invited. she seems like an overheard-and-Betty-was-too-polite-to-deny invite

Joaquin is always welcome, but PEOPLE LIKE KEVIN (bitter party rant) thinking that their SO’s being their SO’s entitles them to inner-circle status, thus ballooning the guest list, is what ruins inner-circle-only parties for SHY INTROVERTED PEOPLE

Veronica goes straight to the booze, too! she’s “so over this”! pregame Ronnie!!!

the Andrews have a cabinet in the corner apparently filled with vases

“…this is why we left the double-feature.” Betty just didn’t want to sit through Animal House

Betty’s heavy tan coat is straight from her mother’s closet

Archie is of course a sloppy-affectionate drunk, Jughead not impressed

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica’s tired, lovely “Feliz cumpleaños, Torombolo”

every single thing Cole Sprouse does to get across a prickly, nervous, irritated quiet person forced to go through the script of enjoying something they don’t enjoy: “Thanks, Veronica. Thanks, everyone. Oh, it’s Kevin.”

big hug from Kevin! “Happy birthday, bud!” THEY TALK

Jughead knows how to hug when he wants to hug someone, chooses not to deploy

what a nice handshake with Joaquin. how weird is Joaquin feeling at his gang leader’s son’s birthday party

blue and gold wall decorations

“Damn good coffee”: when the lights dim and Betty turns the corner with that fucking cake lighting up her face and huge blue eyes like she’s a fucking psychotic birthday-fairy and she sings “Happy Birthday” in a warbling tremolo like she’s Marilyn Monroe walking down a human gauntlet to present a hamburger cake to Jughead, who has never seen anything so beautiful or creepy in his life

Jughead is definitely thrown off-course of his misery cruise, for a split-second, by his girlfriend biting her lip, lit from below, handing him a birthday cake, loving him

“That was haunting, Betty” is maybe…..the greatest thing he has ever said…..

for the record, his “I wish it was just the two of us right now” is pointed, not romantic, and Betty knows it

Archie actually does acknowledge that his problems right now pale in comparison to Veronica’s problems, they sad-hug

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: Jughead like cannot handle Veronica and Archie, on top of everything, pawing each other

Betty is sent from beyond the veil to be spectacular, but she should not be surprised that “this isn’t exactly your scene.” baby shower for someone else, good. birthday party for him, not good

IT’S ALREADY NOT INNER-CIRCLE ONLY

Cheryl walks through the front door like evil Aragorn. “Without moi?” there has never been a crashed party on a teen show before THIS MOMENT YEEEEEEESSSSSSS

God bless Moose: Moose has the kegs! Moose!!! bisexual Moose!

Jughead immediately flees to the garage with the dog, I have literally done this

I’m sorry, but is Dilton DJ-ing? I MISSED YOU, YOU CREEP

Joaquin’s face at Cheryl and Moose making out

@kevinkeller

“Dude, Valerie just got here. Do you think she wants me back?” ARCHIE. CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS. THIS IS THE GREATEST ARCHIE YET

JUGHEAD DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT

Sixth period is Intro to Film: Jughead likes John Landis party movies, does not like Seth Rogen party movies

“It doesn’t matter, Jughead. You’re her boyfriend now.” “What does that mean?”

FP came!!!!! Betty invited him and he came! and wrapped a present very nicely, in “Happy Birthday” wrapping paper! dad points! he looks very sober!

I like to think Jughead and FP are doing a lot of nonverbal communicating in the garage, re: “I didn’t think you had this many friends”, “Is this a living nightmare?”

“How…dad…did Betty invite you?”

“She knows what she wants, that one.”

WHAT IS GOING ON with Kevin and Joaquin talking about Sweetwater River? it’s common knowledge that Kevin found Jason’s body there with Moose, right? so why does it seem like Joaquin is starting to feel some new information out? how are his eyes THAT BLUE? JOAQUIN?

FP STICKS AROUND TO TALK TO JOAQUIN AND INTERRUPTS HIM MAKING OUT, LIKE THE GRUNGIEST CHAPERONE EVER YYYYYYES!!!

“We’ve met. Kicked me out of the Whyte Wyrm.” “Good times.”

oh shit you know Veronica has never met Jughead’s father but she knows who extorted her mother!!!!!

Please protect Betty: God fucking bless Betty cleaning up the empty beer cans

CHUCK! is of course a Grade-A creep but he has never been righter that he saw some fucked, dope shit that night

she was like drowning him in boiling water, Jesus!

however NO ONE cares he isn’t getting into Notre Dame. no one cares CHUCK!

Betty’s slap sounds like it had some serious momentum behind it

Chuck is like, Let’s play ball BITCHES. YEEEEEEEEEEES!

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: OF COURSE FP and Joaquin decide to confab IN ARCHIE’S BEDROOM across the yard from BETTY’S BEDROOM, where Alice Cooper is literally using a pair of binoculars to look…..into the window……Riverdale……

she was okay letting the kegger play itself out as long as she could make sure Betty and Jughead weren’t having sex in Archie’s room

“Just doing my job, keeping my ear to the ground.” “And your tongue in the sheriff’s kid’s mouth.”

Jughead literally would have plonked down in the garage and sat there until the party burned out at three a.m. out of spite

THE GARAGE FIGHT. YES. YES. YES. THEY COULD ONLY GENTLY KISS FOR SO LONG. BETTY IS TOO TIGHTLY WOUND. JUGHEAD THINKS HE’S TRASH. BRING IT ON. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES.

Jughead definitely does the preciously-delicate self-proclaimed loner thing where you jealously guard your isolation and make a thing of it, but it’s FASCINATING that he doesn’t consider Kevin (THEY TALK) or Veronica a friend, or at least he SAYS he doesn’t think they’re friends, EH?

I like that the murder investigation and the Blue & Gold stuff has Jughead interacting with worlds of people beyond his usual circle of TWO PEOPLE

also, Jughead, “two months ago I would have actively shunned” them but now he doesn’t, so, this is how friendships…begin. he’s like…friends with these people now. it’s over. it’s happened. he can gripe about it, but they’re all FRIENDS now, YOU TWIT, THAT’S WHAT A FRIEND IS

the little thing he does with his hand when he pauses saying, “I don’t fit in, I don’t—want to fit in” is…genius

@fyeahriverdale

“You did this for you. To prove something.” she did! but you could discuss this calmly, Jug!!! you are going to make her cry!!!!!

Betty does not want to be called CRAZY or PERFECT for the rest of her life or she’ll rip out her own guts

Betty doesn’t think Jughead is a project! she has never asked him to take off his stupid hat! she thinks he’s cute! but he can’t separate the party she wanted to throw that he didn’t want from the party she didn’t want to throw that he didn’t want! HE’S ON A REALLY GOOD DESTRUCTIVE ROLL! JUGHEAD IS AN ANGSTY COCKTAIL OF PATIENCE, INITIATIVE, AND SELF-SABOTAGE! EVERYTHING IS EXPLODING! YES! YES!

he calls himself weird, damaged, godforsaken white trash, which is incredibly overdramatic and very sad and terrifically in-character. self-proclaimed weirdness is never that weird. he’s just a teenage boy and everything makes him uncomfortable and he kind of hates himself, the last of which he may not grow out of

in desperation Betty puts her hands to his face! this has always worked before! PLEASE JUGHEAD

Jughead doubts it: “Until you’re tired of slumming it with me? Or until Archie changes his mind and says he wants to be with you?” AAAAAAAA+++++++++

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: Betty dropping him like an unwanted extracurricular the instant Archie beckons her has been Jughead’s secret, neurotically nursed fear ever since she kissed him back

Betty already used her one designated slap for the evening otherwise Jughead would be getting it, and he knows it, as it stands her big spring flower Bambie eyes fill with tears

his excellent wince as she walks away, he knows he just fucking fucked it up

Archie’s trees have already been TP’d, damn!

the 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Archie IS a “hot mess” and should probably get a beer thrown into his face once most episodes

Cheryl could not be more thrilled at what she’s seeing! Melody is like, Why the fuck did we come here? Whose birthday?

Archie, incredibly, panics after he gets drenched and goes to his room and calls his dad

Jughead does not even have the RAM to devote to wondering why his father and Kevin’s boyfriend are standing together in Archie’s kitchen

aaaaawwwww Ethel tries to give Jughead a piece of his cake, he gives her a polite preoccupied “Hey, Ethel, I’ll see you at school,” AAAAAWWWWW SHE LIKES HIM

the Blossom corpse: Cheryl honestly manages to wrangle name-dropping Dead Jason at the party

she locks the front door like she’s Jason Isaacs outside of the church in The Patriot

Cheryl’s a psychopath: Cheryl’s game is literally just standing around discussing vicious gossip, THIS BITCH

the female gaze: there are three boys standing in the doorway by Jughead and their bulging, rippling arm muscles must be paused to be believed

Cheryl’s sheaths: Cheryl appears to be wearing a short velvet dress under her fur coat, and then excellent off-black hose and red pumps

oh you KNOW JUGHEAD DIDNOT KNOW VERONICA’S FATHER BOUGHT THAT DRIVE-IN

hahahahaha Cheryl bringing up the #RiverdaleRealEstateDrama to publically drag Veronica is so…ridiculous. like anybody else cares. except Jughead! and he can’t handle a single thing more!!!!! NOT A SINGLE THING

Joaquin and FP (WHO IS STILL THERE) execute some pretty quiet shifting at all the Hiram referencing

Veronica and truly everyone in the room knows more or less Cheryl did not kill Jason, so Ronnie honestly is just using her sharpest blade for the drama of it all

“THIS IS RIVETING. I CAN’T BREATHE.” I HAVE NEVER EMPATHIZED WITH A GAY HIGH SCHOOL BOY MORE

I CAN’T BELIEVE I WITNESSED AN INCEST ACCUSATION ON A TELEVISION SHOW THIS DAY I AM IN THE COMPANY OF A GOD

Dilton Doiley is a canonically great dancer: “This game is sick. I want to go next.” DILTON, YOU WERE WASTED ON THE ADVENTURE SCOUTS

CHUCK!’s deep Gus-on-Psych’s VW Bug-blue shirt is fantastic, fantastic

Dilton has been sitting on this Grundy connect-the-dots for weeks, waiting for the perfect moment to strike, like a snow leopard stalking its prey

These students are legally children: MARY KAY LETOURNEAU

Betty desperately throws Dilton under the bus

KEVIN IS ABOUT TO BITE HIS HANDS OFF

“You may get a free peep show every night, but you do not know her.” EW.

Ethel is sitting next to Jughead, willing herself to take his hand

“She dressed up like a hooker, in a godawful black wig…” SHAME ON CHUCK. she looked fabulous

Jughead is about to put his face through the glass window

Betty in distress is gorgeous, like 1930’s Norma Shearer about to cry

@veronicalodgn

CHUCK!’s incredible prescience that Betty under no circumstances would have told Jughead about that night: “But hey, you know all about this, right, Jughead?”

YES!!!!!!!!! JUGHEAD JUST PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE, YES!!!!!!

Jughead’s right hook is GOOD! his elbow is high, parallel to the floor, solid contact! and you know he has nice arms for being such a weed!!!!

FP is like (HE’S STILL THERE), God Jesus, my fucking kid

YES!!! CHUCK PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE TOO!!!!!!! CAN YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING

of course, when Chuck punches Jughead it’s with the force of like a thousand Dodge Challengers

FP has a lot of experience kicking drunk fucks out of his bar, high schoolers, manhandles Chuck out of Archie’s house with grace, dignity

when FP grabs Jughead by the lapels to stop him leaving, Jughead is honestly about to burst into tears: “What. Want to give me some advice on my right hook? I’m going to go hang myself. I ruined everything. Irreconcilable differences.”

FP calling Betty Jughead’s “girl” is very Southside, Kenickie

Certified pedigree: “Man up” is a stupid phrase, but FP is right, “She needs you,” Jughead listens to his father

the duality of FP Jones, SIDE ONE: The sheriff’s son is gay and you’re gay. Take one for the team and get in there. Am I clear? I will burn your car. Do you like him? I don’t give a fuck. Look at my face. SIDE TWO: She needs you. Be decent. Be stronger than me. Buy her a milkshake. The relationship you’ve never had. I love you.

ALICE IS FROM THE SOUTHSIDE? DID HAL COOPER STEAL ALICE FROM FP JONES, JR.? MY VENN DIAGRAM OF THE PARENTS’ RELATIONSHIPS IS GETTING VERY COMPLICATED

“dressing from the southside” must mean the leather, the plaids? Docs? Jughead’s Chucks?

Jughead’s song is “Uptown Girl” and simply, this is the way it is, it is “Uptown Girl”

“Still hot, Alice. Too bad you’re a stick in the mud.” FP, God. I love you. I fucking love you

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: Alice Cooper with no eye makeup and her hair rumpled, in a hastily-donned coat standing in the middle of the road is SMOKIN’

Jughead walked Betty to Pop’s for milkshakes and calmings-down after giving her the mother of all apologies, the apology of his life

I can’t explain why Jughead is sitting with his head cocked back, showing off his throat, the severe angle of his Adam’s apple, the cut under his eye highlighting his cheekbone, his hair pomaded into a curl along his temple, like a greaser after a bar fight, his arm around his cheerleader girlfriend who loves him despite him telling her he’s no good for her, I can only sacrifice this pair of doves so that it might happen again

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: his hat is off and suddenly he’s like, Juggggheaadddd, which much like…thicker g’s

Jughead hurt and rejected Jughead on imaginary-Betty’s behalf tonight, only played himself

the pink lighting in this diner really brings out the pinks of Betty and Jughead’s pouty cupid’s bow mouths, Jughead’s blossoming black eye, the pair of them have never looked better

you can’t tell me Jughead didn’t get inwardly, guiltily a little bit excited when Betty said she had a “darkness” inside her

the biggest scare between them was never if Jughead would stab himself in the eyes if he got a birthday party but rather what if it turns out Betty is too frightening for him

the emotional porn of the diner make-up scene is truly something else, finally the climax of a slow-burn: the pretty, bloodied-up boy, emotionally raw; the most beautiful sparrow-winged-eyelashes Betty, her well-meaning heart cracked open like a brittle eggshell; Jughead’s hair is so black it’s almost purple; Betty still wearing her totemically evocative sweater; there are no more secrets, Jughead doesn’t care about the pool, there’s a waltz playing on the loudspeakers, Betty confesses that she’s scared of herself, Jughead doesn’t look away from her. and then, in the most tender gesture of affection EVER ON EARTH, Jughead gathers Betty’s tiny needlepoint fingers and scabbed-over palms in his huge working-class, bring-the-straw-in-for-the-harvest hands and, making sure she’s watching him, never having looked more like River Phoenix plus James Dean, kisses them

@dailycwriverdale

nbd but Alice told Betty not to trust Jughead with everything and Betty still ended up showing him the physical manifestation of the crack in her perfection facade and he wordlessly accepted all of it

so they’re both weirdos, but not really that weird at all. they’re just sixteen and everything is life or death. but Betty really does hurt herself, and Jughead kisses her hands, her mess is his mess. they are cellularly, DNA-level compatible

also fucking exhausted. Betty kisses him (IT’S A REALLY GOOD KISS) and their foreheads touch (this hallowed trope) and she snuggles up to his shoulder, but like a going-limp snuggle, and he holds her, and they both just fucking sit there quietly for a few minutes, Jesus Christ

@jonesbetts

Archie & Veronica’s “I’m messed up”/“We all are” is their “We’re all crazy,” of course next they kiss, they’re gorgeous

is Archie really messed up “less than most”? he’s just EARNEST and calls his dad a lot instead of digging his fingernails into his palms, dousing people with syrup, writing creative nonfiction

Veronica is so cool she wears a ring on her middle finger

their kiss is TIGHT and I think they actually have sex!

Archie took the floor!!! a gentleman!!!!!

not enough column inches to devote to Veronica’s incredible cinched cropped top

Veronica descending the stairs to see Jughead reading at an armchair, the pair of them surprising each other, and their mutual goofy smiles, she got laid but good, PLEASES ME to no end, she’s your friend you idiot

Smithers repping for Hermione is why you’re always polite to those in the service industry, because you never know

Veronica used a CLASSIC run-around telling her mom she was at Betty’s. but why would she need to lie about going to a party? Hermione would certainly have heard worse from her

Jughead’s “Long night’s journey into day?” at Archie hungover and mopping is his second Eugene O’Neill reference

Archie > Dawson: Archie is hungover AND mopping

Archie coughing and cleaning up the mess before his dad gets home is a return to the best kind of Archie: a hot mess that wants to be good

Jughead eats: Jughead had a burger at his side at Pop’s in the opening montage, but this morning he’s eating his birthday cake at the island, drinking directly from a quart of skim milk

ONCE AGAIN the Andrews kitchen pulls through: the island has a drawer underneath it for dishes! did Fred build all this cute shit himself? SO cute

“Jug…” “Don’t worry. I’m never telling anyone anything literally ever.” [drinks from quart, pinky up]

…except for the book he’s writing

Betty wakes up hungover looking like Grace Coddington styled her

@shelleyhenign

…she sleeps with a stuffed cat, #Caramel

Alice is putting together some major moves with all the FP-Joaquin-Kevin dots-connecting

Betty drinks decaf skim lattes! Betty drinks skim too!!! for the record skim lattes are a tough sell because the lack of like fat or whatever means it’s thin as hell, so now I just get 2% caramels like normal people because there’s going to be an earthquake soon and Portland will fall into the sea and I want to have died drinking rich lattes

Betty giggles like an angel after her “The last time you brought me baked goods was after you kissed Archie”

Veronica is all caught up on the Jones/Lodge backstory now, right? in past days, I would have relished the fallout of Jughead discovering that it was Veronica’s family who kicked him out of his drive-in, but now I just want these children to have a quiet day at school, and the way they smiled at each other seems to suggest Jughead is past begrudging most anyone anything anymore (literally ever), and he and Veronica can continue their upward trajectory of “BEING FRIENDS”

Veronica joining the B&G investigation is Cordelia Chase discovering Doyle passed his visions along to her

HIRAM DARED SEND HIS DAUGHTER ANOTHER STRAND OF PEARLS, POSSIBLY TO HIS KNOWLEDGE THAT VERONICA RIPPED UP THE FIRST ONE

ARCHIE GOT HIS RED HAIR FROM HIS MOTHER

HIS MOTHER IS MOLLY RINGWALD I’M EXHAUSTED

next week: I thought the mannequins in the Blossom closet were Jason wigs!!!!! but then there’s a white-haired Cliff Blossom looking at himself in a full-length mirror, so they’re wigs for him. Hermione knows he wears wigs! AND SKEET ULRICH HAS SHAVED!!!!! 

[mauridianhallow]

A L L O F T H E Q U E S T I O N S

Good shit good shit this took me ages holy hell enjoy you meme loving fucks Q's for you to A Do you have a favourite sweater? I actually do, it's that kinda folded over stretchy grey one I always wear, y'know? I wore it to The 1975 and, from what I hear, it was awesome. (Although I can't remember bc I was Gin Drunk) What’s your middle name? Lawrence...no judgement...Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? I don't, I wonder how's she's doing. Heard she was studying History from her friend I met in a bar one time. Glad to hear, she was nice. Do you get on with your grandparents? I did! Sadly it's been a few years since they passed but I very much did. What was your favourite cartoon as a kid? Hmm, it's a tough one, between the 90's X-Men TV show they played on repeat on Fox Kids or Ben 10 when it wasn't absolute shit like the remake. Yeah I'm bitter. What’s your favourite cartoon now? Archer lol Do you read the news paper? Yeah pretty much every day...I swear I'm not an old man. Who was the last text you sent to? My friend Laura, asking if they'll still be at the park when I finish work. What does the last text you sent say? "Y'all still gonna be there when I get away?" If you could have any hair colour what would it be? Idk I like the one I have. Do you like nature documentaries? Not really my cup of tea to be perfectly honest. What is your aesthetic? Climbing a mountain at a 90° angle in Skyrim on a horse. When did you last pet a dog? ''Twas yesterday. Whose friend’s parents do you like the most? The twins'! They employ me! I literally get paid to hang out with friends some days that's the good shit! Have you ever been on a road trip? I've been on a couple, longest was a drive to Southern Spain from Scotland! Was awesome! Tell me about someone you know called Emma? Went to school with her, cool gal, she saw HP in London and I'm jealous, shoutout to @weewildelassAre you reading a book in english class, what is it? Oh god I'm old. I haven't had or attended an English class in over 2 years. Do you have a favourite Aunt? Well considering she also employs me...hell yeah, shoutout to my Aunt K you legend! Baths or showers? Baths for comfort and treating yo self, or sharing...😏...Showers for quickness and weird snapchats at 3am...😂 Skiing or sun bathing? Sun bathing my dude. Do you kill spiders? Sometimes, sometimes not. Have you ever made an ice pop? I have not. Are you wearing shoes right now? I'm not wearing anything rn. Tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher? Let me tell you about Mrs. Mary "The Bonecrusher" Highland, and how she was such an iconic, legendary, influential and inspiring woman that she was the person you sent into the bad fucked up schools in movies and have them all pass with straight A's, she ran a tough ship and was slow to praise but when she did, she went all out, and made you feel like what you had achieved was truly a feat. Oh and she encouraged children to learn and think for themselves, genuinely encouraged you when you said you were interested in something even when it went above and beyond the curriculum. She was charitable, friendly, and spoke to you like you were an equal, and a worthy one at that. Mrs. Highland was literally so influential in so many people in my class being successful, free minded, hard working adults that she deserves a goddamn award. And let me tell you another thing, at the end of my First Year in College, I went back to my old Primary School for a teaching assistant internship because I knew the school was becoming a bit run-down and out of control and I wanted to help the way that Mrs. Highland had, and who had they just asked to come out of retirement, come back for TWO WEEKS, sort shit out and then walk away into the sunset like some goddamn Old Lady Teaching Avenger who appears when needs were greatest? MARY FUCKING HIGHLAND, I GOT TO HELP ONE OF MY CHILDHOOD HEROES BE AN ABSOLUTE TEACHING LEGEND AND REALLY INFLUENCE SOME GOOD IN A KIDS LIFE, THAT IS THE SHIT! Seriously though, she truly is one of the good ones, they don't make em like Her anymore. Who was the last person you hugged? I think that would be my mother actually hahah. Do you wear glasses? Occasionally. Do you have a cat? I sadly do not. Do you have a favourite pair of underwear? Not a favourite pair exactly more like a favourite kind?? Next All-Black, that's the good shit, makes my ass look great among other things. What was your last tweet? "How the fuck do you work twitter" about 5 years ago and I haven't used it since. Do you still use Facebook? I do, rarely. Do you like birds? Aye pal birds, blokes, the lot. Who was the last person you called cute? That genuinely would be my niece, or you lol Who was the last person that called you cute? This is a strange answer but a regular in my work. Long story. How did you meet your best friend? I literally turned a corner and ran into a group of emo's in like Fourth Year at High School and I haven't looked back since. Escalators or elevators? Nah m8, trick question, I'd rather take the stairs. Does wonders for the thighs. Are you named after anyone, who? Ahaha yeah my dad, both my granddads, and Saint. Christoper (Catholic mum yo) What was your first url? I have no idea. Autumn or Winter? Winter I can't lie. Do you win at scrabble? I do not lol Put your ipod on shuffle , who is the first song that comes up by? "American Idiot", Green Day. Classic. Have you ever drunk from a mason jar? I have not. Can you draw? Barely even write m8 let alone draw. What was your first profile picture? I think it was Kenny from South Park. Favourite t-shirt? God I have no idea. Best tumblr friend? Shoutout to @bepizzazzed and @double-dorks-beanie and @hesitant-butthole When did you last run? Tonight when as a joke my friends took my jacket and tried to get it on top of a climbing frame? lol I had it back in seconds and decided to get some payback ahah Do you like to paint your nails? Not particularly fussed, not a look I could pull off. Did you ever do something as a kid that got you into loads of trouble? I did more things to get me into trouble as a kid that anyone should ever do. And I still did it. Who is your favourite dog that isn’t yours? Trick question, all of them. Have you ever been drunk? Literally so many times. So many. Have you ever done something you regret while drunk? Some-thing? Some-one? Getting into a slutty dance off with a professional dancer? Stealing a mannequin? The exact words "I can easily make this jump..."? The exact words "Watch this lads"? The exact words "Shots won't do me any harm"? The exact words "Another Venom? Aye no bother!" The exact words "You can crash at mine if you like...?" You get the picture...I do messed up shit I'm drunk, and yet, I continue to do so. Do you want to kiss anyone right now? Ronald McDonald ngl for the sweet sweet invention of double cheeseburgers. Do/did you like you math teacher? I had a crush on both of my maths teachers, Mr. Kelly and Mrs. Hendry, both of which contributed to me turning up to class, but also contributed to me failing said classes bc I was too busy looking at them and being a hormone ridden, horny 16 year old boy, than I was doing maths. Do you often ride the bus? I do, everyday I'm in College. Do you have a fireplace in your house? We do actually it's getting renovated right now. Are you violent when you’re angry? God no! Do you cry when you’re angry? No, I rarely get angry and when I do it can only be described as dry anger. Favourite Harry Potter book? It has to be OotP, fight me. Can you remember your last dream? I can, and let me just say, Chris Pratt, thank you. Do you go to bed early or late? "Do I go to bed?" would be a better question. Do you speak a second language? I speak various levels of different languages. Some if you dropped me in their respective countries I could find my way about, albeit difficultly, and others I can ask for the bar and the bill and that's about it. Who was your first ever best friend? A boy called Dean. Have you ever had an operation? I've had a couple yeah. Tell me about your favourite cousin? His name is Reece and he's a meme loving shit and I love him the whacky bastard. Do you have a piece of clothing that doesn’t even fit you anymore but you can’t bare to throw away? During what can only be described as the Greatest Summer of My Teenage Years; the Legendary Summer of 2014, I wore on my feet almost EVERY DAY a pair of Classic Chuck's, they cost my poor wee mum like £60 the Christmas before but they were too big and when it finally hit summer they fit perfectly. I wore them every time. If you've ever read the book Me Before You or watched the film you'll know what I mean when I say they were my bumblebee tights. Have you ever been in a musical? I played the Cowardly Lion in my school play as a kid. Do you have a porch? I do not. How many times have you watched your favourite movie? At least 100 no joke it has to be. Empire Strikes Back. What do you order at McDonalds? Plain double cheese , small fries, Oasis Summer Fruits and maybe a coffee. Do you get on with old people? Worryingly well. Science Fiction or Romance? Sci-Fi m8. Do you take naps? Anytime I can. How many classes do you/did you take in High School? In my final year I took 3 classes. At its height I think I was doing 9 classes. When did it last snow where you live? A few months back. Does it ever snow where you live? It's Scotland...hahah it very much does. How many months until your birthday? 12 m8. How much charge does your computer have right now? 42%What is your favourite Disney Channel Original Movie? I don't actually think I had one. Sorry. the City or the Sea Side? Jokes on you fool, you can have both. What is your least favourite colour? Beige. Who tf likes being beige. Do you have homework to do? Nah. Are you still friends with your first best friend? I am not. Do you have/are you the gay cousin? I have an asexual cousin, bug more often than not I'm the gay cousin. Do you own dungarees? They can look cute on peeps. Do you like to play sport? I do, not to the extent I used to but yeah. What was your favourite ever Christmas present? My baby nephew. How old are you? Ugh I'm 20. Do you ever use Internet Explorer? Not for s long time. Have you ever had blonde hair? I haven't no. I wanted to but sadly I was a kid. When did you last see the person you have a crush on? Well considering I fall deeply in love with strangers who are nice to me on the train, that question is crazy. Who did you last talk to on the phone? Laura. Pants or Dresses? This question is a lot funnier in the UK and even funnier in Scotland where a man can wear one, but to do so, he's not supposed to wear the other 😉 Do you read fan fiction? Not anymore y'know. What is you’re favourite blog? @mauridianhallow is a pretty cool blog you should check that shit out Do you write poetry? I HAVE written poetry before. Drama or Comedy? How dare you insult The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt by suggesting you can't be both. Have you ever had a hickey? Perhaps...perhaps I have. Perhaps I cannot remember how I got some of them. Perhaps I should stop buying the ENTIRE bar a round of shots knowing all too well that almost every one of these people will offer to buy me drinks all night and then I won't pay shit for another drink until the night is over. Perhaps I should...I won't but I fucking should. And perhaps this has on certain occasions resulted in hickeys I don't know.

[jadeandnarry]

Niall for Esquire - Interview

Niall Horan is not at all sure about the mechanical bull. We’re in the middle of a photo shoot inside storied Texas music hall Gilley’s Dallas—he’s performing tonight; fans have been camping out all week—and our photographer just asked if this member of One Direction, one of the biggest pop acts in the history of pop acts, will climb on for a picture. He eyes the contraption with a look that’s one part curiosity, one part disgust.

“What’s the point of this shot, again?” he asks.

There’s not really a point, we explain, it’s just something we thought would be fun. You know: Texas! Bulls! Horan still seems dubious. After a few more moments of deliberation, he makes the call to leave the beast be and set off for another location. He’s rolling with the punches, but it’s as if this is the first time anyone has asked him to throw on a bunch of designer clothes and straddle a giant robo-cow simply for the sake of a photograph. Which is fair, because it is.

This is new ground for Horan, who, after signing with powerhouse agency Wilhelmina in October, is a freshly minted fashion guy. It’s hardly the One Directioner’s first time doing a photo shoot—he’s been hyper-famous since the beginning of the decade, after all—but it’s his debut outing in this particular capacity as human mannequin. He’s adapting.

The 24-year-old Horan has been doing a lot of that lately, making his way as a solo act after the biggest boy band of the 21st Century went on hiatus in late 2015. His bandmates—Harry Styles, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson, and Liam Payne—have all gone on to release solo material: singles for Tomlinson and Payne, and smash-hit full-length albums for Malik and Styles. That means Horan—the wholesome, quiet one with the clear voice—has a lot to live up to. Things looked bright in May of this year, when Styles called Horan’s early post-1D work his favorite solo effort from a bandmate. But now comes the hard part.

Because now Horan is actively redefining what it means to be Niall Horan. And that means more than just trying modeling on for size. It means a new album, a new sound, a new look, and a new approach to not giving a fuck about what people on Twitter think.

On October 20, nearly two years after One Direction announced its hiatus, Horan released his first solo album, Flicker. The record, which debuted at number one in the United States and his native Ireland, is Horan’s first major statement—aside from a couple of singles—as a solo act. The sound won’t shock anyone who’s heard his work with One Direction, but it’s a departure nonetheless. More intimate. Less bombastic. Horan has planted his flag as a singer-songwriter with influences ranging from fellow countryman Damien Rice to stateside acts like Tom Petty and Bruce Springsteen. There’s still a pop sheen (he stuck with 1D producer Julian Bunetta), but there’s also a feeling that this is a guy with a guitar doing what comes naturally.

“As a child, my guitar playing style was down the lines of the stuff that I grew up listening to,” says Horan. “So when I went to make an album, basically I started finger picking, and that’s the kind of stuff that came out.”

The album includes the slinky and sexy “Slow Hands,” which hit number one on the singles charts and which Horan was adamant about including in the lineup “because it shows that I’m diverse in my writing.” And then there's the country-ish “Seeing Blind,” a collaborative effort with Maren Morris that hits closer to home for Horan than one might expect. “It’s in my blood. I’m Irish,” Horan says when I ask him about the tune’s Nashville-friendly feel and whether fans can expect more in the future. “The closest thing to Irish music is country music—well, country music and singer-songwriter—so I’m guessing it would be more than likely.”

“Seeing Blind” is also the song that got Horan invited to the Country Music Awards this year, an experience he calls “one of the best, most enjoyable days I’ve had in my career.” The same probably can’t be said of the American Music Awards—or at least the reaction Horan received on social media after folks saw the hat he wore to perform. A wide-brimmed number, it wasn’t exactly met with a kind reception. (A couple of standouts from Twitter: "Someone save Niall's head from this hat, it's eating him," and, "Niall’s hat just yelled yeehaw to me and asked me if I wanted to see his cows.")

“To be honest, I thought it was a lot smaller,” Horan says laughing. “I didn’t realize how big the brim was until I got onto the stage and there were mirrors on either side of the stage. I literally shouted at my drummer, ‘Is the brim on this hat too big?’ He just said no, obviously, because we were just about to go live on TV.”

Horan is still rolling with the punches as best he can. “Yeah. Fair enough. I get it,” he says of the (seemingly endless) jokes about his look. But after the better part of a decade in the spotlight, he’s also done caring about jokes at his expense on Twitter. “Back in the day it used to be that you’d read stuff and be like, ‘Aw, is that what they think of me?’ But the way the world turns is you can do no right, so I’ve just gone past the point of caring. Apparently all these people who are writing to you are perfect, so they have every right to say that to you. So they can go fuck themselves.” He laughs.

The hat incident is far from the first fashion misstep Horan’s made in his very public life. “A while ago I was probably the worst dressed man on the planet,” he says, citing earlier One Direction-era looks like baggy ripped jeans with high-tops, or a bright blue cardigan with a red polo shirt. “Obviously some people can pull it off, and some people can’t. I happen to be one of those people that can’t. But I was 16 and 17, so you kind of let yourself get away with that.”

Now a bona fide Wilhelmina model—one with his eyes on a scoring billboard in Times Square at some point—he’s learning what it takes to evolve his personal style. “When we were in the band, it was something that I never really thought about. You could obviously tell that Harry was probably into it a little more than me at the time; it was something that he focused on more than I did.” Now, especially in the last year or so, Horan is into it. He's focused. He’s trying new things and expanding his fashion vocabulary. He’s even keeping backup accessories on hand. Like—you guessed it!–hats.

See, as it turns out, Horan had another, smaller hat on hand for the AMAs that he decided not to wear at the last minute. And just like the twang of “Seeing Blind,” the the fact that Horan owns a lot of headwear isn’t the outlier it might seem. “It’s kind of an extension of me being Irish,” he says of the look he’s cultivated as a solo artist. “A lot of boots. A lot of hats. And all different types of jackets—denim, leather, all different types of materials that I’m trying to get into.” (Vintage options scrounged up with his band members are a particular favorite.)

Like country music and Irish music, there’s a lot of interplay between Horan’s homeland and the States when it comes to rocker-infused fashion. “I guess what I’m saying is kind of classic,” he says, trying to nail down how exactly he’s dressing these days. “Classic American rock. They did it pretty good back in the day­, the ‘70s and ‘80s. Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty and bands like The Eagles, they always looked really cool and really suited to that time. And I think that time in fashion is coming back again.”

It’s a surprisingly casual set of references for a guy who says he’d wear a suit every day if he could, and delights in activities like picking out linings for his custom Paul Smith suits. (Sadly, they don’t travel well, so he saves them for choice occasions like red carpets.) But it also makes sense with his new set of musical references. Plus, he’s not worried about what people think about his look anymore.

“From a young age, I would listen to that kind of music, but could never really get my hands on that type of clothing. I didn’t know how to go about that kind style, and I was probably a little bit nervous to try stuff,” he explains. “I kind of just went with the times—what people were wearing at my age at that time. But as I grew older and realized that I didn’t really care what I wore, I dived back into my musical roots and started dressing like they were back in the day and going for that kind of thing. I guess this album that I’ve made kind of suits that.”

As the shoot wraps up, we stand in a cramped hallway near the stage Horan will be playing on later tonight. He's got a vintage Epiphone guitar in his hands and a black shearling jacket on his back, appearing much more at ease than he was with the mechanical bull. And even without playing any actual music at the moment, you can see what he's talking about. He's got a new thing going, and he certainly looks the part.

[sambart93]

2018.01.07 Tomito Sho’s 36th Birthday Event - Second Show [Report]

So I got the opportunity to go to Tomita Sho’s birthday again which I was super happy about! I went last year too! 

If you don’t know Shosan (as I call him), but he’s such a good actor. He’s been in quite a bit of big stuff (Super Sentai, TouStage etc.) but he’s never the main but he is DAMN good at what he does! I highly recommend his Honno no Mirage series and Toei Hero from last year! He’s in the same Ent Company as Aramaki Yoshihiko, Baba Ryoma, Tamaki Yuki etc and he’s SUCH a great guy! Anyway, I’ll stop blubbing. Onto the event!

But first things first:

HAPPY 36TH BIRTHDAY TOMITA SHO!!!

PRE-SHOW

I did kinda feel like I was imposing because it was very obvious a lot of the fans know each other, especially one older lady; I’ve seen her at ALL of the Shosan stuff I’ve been to (Honoo, TokiEnta Events, His Birthday) and I feel like she doesn’t like me. As if she sees me and thinks ‘ugh this casual fan’. It was so strange this day because it was like she was the MC; she was going around and knew and was talking to pretty much everyone! Also I felt really bad because by coincidence I ended up being right next to where the line to go in was by chance and I almost asked if she wanted my spot but I felt she was giving me death stares. 

Also, I always forget how much older (than me) the Shosan fans are… not many early twenties or under 30s here and a few always bring their kids along. It’s so interesting seeing the difference between Sho’s fans and Maki’s fans. Also I much prefer just how small of a group Sho’s fans are compared to the ridiculousness of Maki’s fanbase now (but we’ll save that rant for another day).

Just before the show started, the Shachou (he owns and runs TokiEnta, Sho’s entertainment company) came on stage with Sho’s eye mask on and green wig from the school PE uniform bromides (more about that later) and explained the rules of the show, but because he ahd the eye mask on, he couldn’t see which was he was facing (obviously the wrong way) and Sho came over the speaker and went 'you’re facing the wrong way’ we all cracked up laughing including the Shachou himself.

Also one of the the producers had ALL of Sho’s bromides and chirashi stuck to his jacket, shirt and hands. So he was a walking advertisement for Sho xD also he was the time keeper for the show.

GOODS COMMENT

Unfortunately I had already made the decision to ONLY pay for a cheki but I was super upset when I saw how amazing his bromides and calendars!! Seriously, he’s got a school kids PE uniform on and bright green hair in some of his bromdes! He teased about his bromides weeks ago and it was shots of him in different coloured wigs but damn when I saw he also did a school one! I died! Seriously Sho’s Bromides are amazing! I hope TokiEnta do their (what seems to be an) annual ritual of having an event where the past goods stock is there so I can pick them up! 

THE SHOW

I lost my breath when Sho came on stage because he came on in this Date-like outfit and he looked amazing!!! He had a long black wig and red eye contacts in too! He looked SO DAMN GOOD!

ANNNND this is why I always go to Sho’s stuff! As usual he was absolutely hilarious and I did nothing but laugh the entire time! Also he’s super laid back! The show was only supposed to be 90 minutes but he’s like 'is everyone okay for time? Yeah? Okay! We’ll just keep going!’ and his producer couldn't stop him nor did he mind so much xD

He got so many birthday videos during the second show; Takasaki Shouta, Maki, Baba Ryoma (Alongside Kawaharada who introduced himself as Chanel xD), Tamaki Yuki, Nakamura Seijiro, and Ino Hiroki. And when they just kept coming, he was like 'ANOTHER?! AGAIN?!’ and of course, with most of the videos, he couldn’t take them seriously! 

Baba Ryoma’s was so stupid and was essentially him and Kawaharada promoting their stage to which the video got caught off half way through so we all died laughing, and Sho said ‘what’s he doing now? Mobsaiko 1000? 100? Has anyone seen it? …*no one puts their hand up*… not one hand’ everyone died laughing xD

Ino’s video cracked me up so hard. Ino asked ‘why didn’t you invite me as a guest (to your Birthday Events)? I invited you to mine…… SHO! (no 'san' which makes it super casual and impolite) Let’s hang out next time!’ And Sho was like ‘I can’t invite someone who’s in such a big jimusho (entertainment company)!’ XD

MakiChan’s video was also promoting his stage, Ensemble Stars, and he said 'akemashite omedetou (happy new year)’ instead of 'tanyoubi omedetou (happy birthday)’ xD 

Tamachan’s was ‘lets drink next time’ and Shosan is like ‘I don’t even have your number!!’ XD Nakamaru was like ‘I only know drinking Sho so...’ and Sho was like ‘you went to the TokiEnta event with me last Feb! Did you already forget?!’ XD 

Shouta was DRUNK during his video to him and he got a random (Sho knows him) guy to pretend to be Shouta while Shouta was behind the camera laughing so hard and Sho was just like 'wtf... why would I ever expect anything from you anyway'

ALSO! Jo-ji (they did TouStage together) turned up half way through the event and yelled ‘I went to the wrong venue!!!’ he first went to the event hall in Shinjuku (of a similar name) and then had to track all the way back to this venue. Also Sho was super surprised when he turned up because Jo-ji had been writing on his twitter that he was still in his home town and Jo-ji went 'yeah, I was lying so I could surprise you. I got back to Tokyo DAYS ago!' Also he brought Sho some Date Masamune Sake (apparently it's sake that Date loves and Jo-ji went all the way to Sendai for it -- I want to try it!). Sho was so funny opening his presents; he threw the wrapping and boxes down like a little excited child.

In usual Sho Birthday Event style, we went through his calendar of 2017 and looked at what he did on different days and what his schedule was like and we could just put our hands up and ask questions, because (and I paraphrase Sho) 'this ain't an event if you don't get involved. It's only interesting because you guys are here'. So here are some of the questions and stories:

*(About TouStage) Apparently GingaGekijyo’s Backstage is tiny compared to the stage used for TouStage in Fukuoka, so during the Fukuoka Kouen Sho was running freely backstage because there was space to between his scenes.

*Sho went and saw PuriStage and said he’d like to be in it because he likes to move around but then saw how tired KishiTaku was and was like ‘nah I’m good’ xD

*Also they talked about the one time Jo-ji made him an American Dog and how good it was. Of course us fangirls were going crazy with our imagination on that one haha

*He showed us a VTR of the Gekidan Handsome from last year and Sho asked who hadn't seen this series and there were quite a few of us and he cracked up 'how weird this must look like to you who haven't seen this series,' because it really did look ridiculous. One scene literally had Sho in this skin-type black short jumpsuit with a wind machine in front of him and toilet paper wrapped around him while he sang; what the hell xD

*We also got an exclusive look of the new Game of Laplace visuals, weeks before they were released, when he started talking about GoL from last year and asked the producer if it was okay to show it. Also the producer was like 'we used mannequins this time around and now I have about 30 mannequins in my house! I'll give them out (to fans) if you want one! I'll look like a mad man if anyone comes to my house' xD

*If I remember anymore, I'll add them here.

Some extra things; Whenever someone late came to the event Sho went 'okay... se----no! (after 3) IRASHAIMASE! (welcome!)' and the whole crowd would say Irashaimase to the late commer and every time the fan got super embarrassed but that's what Sho is all about xD

Also at the end, as requested from fans, he recited some lines from plays he's done. So he did some Date lines from TouStage and of course he did the Bai from Honoo no Mirage and a few more lines from Honoo. I think he did a Gekidan Handsome line too. During his Date line, Jo-ji came running back on stage (still with the damn wig on) to join him and continue the scene. And when that finished Sho went 'why are you still here?!' to which Jo-ji replied 'I can't leave until I've taken a picture with you!' and Sho replied 'then pay for a cheki!' XD also a bit later Jo-ji yelled 'lets go drinking already!'

CHEKI

So it came to the chekis, and Jo-ji did sweep in before the fans to get one with Sho xD this time around the poses were set so you could either choose from handing hands, hugging, arm wrapped around the shoulder or this silly o_o/(_)\o_O movement where you make a circle with your hands touching. I can't explain it. It was stupid. It was ridiculous!

Anyway, I got nervous during and before and after my cheki of course. So I got the arm over the shoulder pose with him and he said it was okay if I did it back to him so our arms were wrapped around each other ^_^ and at the end as usual we got a hand shake and he said (HE SAID!) 'またね / see you later' I just effing DIED inside because that means he remembers me!!! SHHH I know I'm crazy but it definitely felt like he remembers me!

And as usual I said thank you to the staff who did the cheki, she always does it, and as I came down the stairs, the Shachou was against the wall next to the door so I did my usual greetings to him too. And then, I left.

GOODS

Sho always makes plaques with his kanji for the year painted on, by him, which we get for free at the end of his event. I almost forgot to it pick up because I was so dang nervous xD

*

It was so much fun! I was so upset when I couldn’t go to his 15th Anniversary last year so I was happy I could make it up to him by coming to this one! I love Sho. He’s such a great guy and he’s so funny and he’s very intelligent too! He’s just the best! And I kinda hope he does a 16th Anniversary Celebration this year so I can go!

Did I persuade you to become his fan?!