#also i was thinking about the truman show and the clothes in that so yeah
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50’s au where best friends billy and robin, who are very much in a lavender marriage, come into some money and move to a fancier neighbourhood meanwhile heather and steve, who are unhappily married and live in said neighbourhood find out there’s a couple moving in next door
so the day after billy and robin move in, heather goes over with a plate of cookies while steve’s at work and her, robin and billy just click straight away - billy meets steve later on when he gets home and billy’s sitting out on the porch with a drink but it’s them so obviously they immediately get off on the wrong foot
robin tells billy to sort his shit out because they can’t be making enemies when they’ve only just got here and they’ve got an act to keep up and heather tells steve to take the stick out his ass so billy and steve go out a few times for drinks to call a truce and become friends
in the meantime, robin and heather have been spending more and more time together and eventually robin sits billy down and is like ok i’ve gotta be honest, me and heather have been sleeping together and i think i’m in love with her - because robin and billy always agreed to be honest with one another and to not stay together if it was going to make them sad or if they found someone they really wanted to be with - and billy just stares at her and is like hey that’s really funny actually because i’ve been meaning to tell you that steve and i have been doing the exact same thing also i really like him .. yeah on second thought it might be love too, actually
and steve and heather talk to each other and they argue and cry and eventually they’re both like ok so what do we do now and they get billy and robin over and it’s super awkward for a moment before billy says something stupid and robin makes a joke and pulls heather to her for a hug
and billy smiles at them before turning to steve who’s looking stressed as hell and chewing on his thumb so he goes over and pulls steve’s hand away and tucks his hair behind his ear and it’s all very sad and gay
and then billy sort of pulls everyone out of their funk by spinning around and snapping his fingers and being like you know, we could all just .. stay as we are .. nothing has to change for us to get what we want and heather’s like ok how so billy walks over to the wall between their houses and knocks on it a few times before kicking it and steve’s like please don’t kick my wall but billy’s like no this wall could have a door built into it .. i could put a door between our houses
and that’s what they do, the end, happily ever after
#i have some thoughts#harringrove#buckleway#billy and robin are having the time of their lives#and they love each other dearly like platonically but still a lot#because they have that bond yk#and they have cats together#heather and steve have all the love of kate and leo in revolutionary road#it’s bad#like they cannot stand each other#but they get on better when they’re not pretending to be in love with each other so#it works out really#for everyone !#this could be any year really but i saw some of those pictures of lesbians in the 50’s so like#that’s why we’re here#also i was thinking about the truman show and the clothes in that so yeah#also also they live in a duplex i guess that’s what it’s called#not my problem if it doesn’t make sense for any reason they just do#ickyspeaks
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Outside the boundaries of the universes lie the raw realities, the couldhave-beens, the might-bes, the neverweres, the wild ideas, all being created and uncreated chaotically like elements in fermenting supernovas.
Just occasionally where the walls of the worlds have worn a bit thin, they can leak in.
And reality leaks out.
Thank you, sir Terry, for once again providing me with an excellent opening quote for a Doctor Who rambling. That probably has nothing to do with the fact that both DW and Discworld fall into the Gulliverian satire poetic.
So yeah, about what's grown to be called a Truman show theory, and I cannot stop making it clear, me critically poking at it is not me hating it especially if Ruby's story ends up throwing shade providing metatextual insight on the mystery baby extravaganza of 2010s (am I the only one who thought that Splice looks like Rey?).
But the problem is, how far would the revelation go? Is it just the endgame for the season? Did it start when Fourteen invoked a superstition at the end of the universe, as the text implies? Or does it go further back, as the Newton and apple story is unreal, too (HOT TAKE: THEY'RE IN VOLTAIRE'S BRAIN. THE CRITICISM OF ORGANISED RELIGIOM CONFIRMS THAT). Or was it already there when Fourteen regenerated in new clothes (he does talk of "canon" in the Dalek Mini-sode)? All of this is just digging deeper into figuring out just how clever the Cave is. But let's dig even deeper, shall we?
Ok, maybe it's Flux. Flux definitely messed up a lot of things, such as replacing Russia with Sontarans. Except...
There's Robin Hood in season 8. And not just a guy called Robin Hood, it's the Robin Hood of legend. Twelve is explicitly confused by that.
In fact, fourth wall breaking was probably most recurrent in Twelve's run.
Though let us not forget Thirteen looking straight into the camera to explain humans must recycle or else we'll turn into props.
Hey, remember how in Let's kill Hitler Eleven is like "The British are coming" and Hitler reacts with fear? In 1936? When the alliance between Third Reich and UK looked like a very realistic prospect? When the Windsors were enthusiastic over what was going on in Germany? PROPAGANDA MUCH?
Bashing on the royals will definitely go down better than my next point on this anarcho-communist coffeeshop AU website, but if you guys think the Red Army's involvement in WWII was fresh faced boys so filled with faith in equality for all people that they came to fight its eternal enemy of fascism then no. Nonononononono. No. NO. Go read about Ribbentrop-Molotov pact NOW. Sincerely, a person living east of the Berlin wall.
Seventh era is also when we get a hint there's a Doctor Who show on BBC.
I'm not going to go through every single time DW has leaned into a made up version of events (wonder if the Doctor ever changed their mind about Mao Zedong, though), but you're getting the drift, but there is one last point to be made.
Nero didn't start the great fire of Rome. The eternal city was a densely packed stack of wood and would go up in flames quite often, though the one from 64 CE was a particularly nasty one and putting it out could have been coordinated better. Still, the idea Nero intentionally started it is 100% made up.
Why should this be important? Well, The Romans are from the 2nd season of Classic Who, from 1965. While we're at it, season 1 historicals are also based more on simplified ideas about Marco Polo, the reign of terror, or Aztec human sacrifices (Barbara Wright Victorious, my love) than true facts (probably because documentary about everyday life of the Aztecs would work better as a way to get children to sleep than to get them hooked on history), but that's more a matter of how than what. In case you want to somehow reconcile this via the Pantheon, then the Toymaker first appeared in season 3, and that after the Doctor visited the Trojan war and Vicki stayed there with Troilus as actually faithful Cressida.
So. The thing about Truman show revelation is. It's either groundbreaking on a last episode ever, goodbye yellow brick road, level, or not meaningful at all. I just can't see it work as a seasonal endgame, because if the episode from 2023 is in unreality, then so is the one from 1965. Just, where do you go from here? It's either waking up in the crude reality or. y'know. acknowledging the convention, which is what the Truman show theory kinda set out to negate in the first place.
Again, I genuinely want to discuss! I myself am never sure if hot take posts are open to discussion, which is why I made a separate post, so I want to make it clear, I want to have the holes in my own rambling explained!
#doctor who#dw meta#dw spoilers#classic who#doctor who season 14#maybe i would be more on board if this season didn't include the paul mccartney died in 1966 pedestrian crossing
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ATPOAIM Ep 4- Still...at their very best
As promised, here comes my break-down/ interpretation of yesterday's episode. I'm not really sure if I'm on to anything here. Just thoughts. a discussion starter perhaps. also, I do talk about the criticisms or problems that I have with this episode towards the end.
yeah, let me know what y'all think!
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The opening scene does a lot to set the tone of this episode and let us know, from the start, that it is in stark contrast to episodes 1, 2, and 3.
For one thing, it's in color as opposed to black and white. The style of filming is difference. we see the wide open space surrounding Matty on his mattress, instead of the camera moving along with him, or, focusing on him.
He doesn't acknowledge the camera in the way that he does in previous episodes. In fact, he spends the first 59 seconds of a, roughly, 8 minute video just getting out of bed and getting dressed. Might not seem like a lot of time, but in a short video like this, every second counts. So, the decision to focus so much on this opening moment is deliberate.
The MUSIC, lest we skip over that, is also a big deal. It does have an eerie-ness to it that suggests we should feel unsettled by what we're seeing, maybe?
Of course, the first things that happen in the mid of the audience are: wtf? why is he sleeping on the floor? why does he sleep like that? where/what is this?
Curiously, the first thing that he reaches for is the oxygen mask? I wonder if it's sort of the opposite of reaching for cigarettes (or maybe im projecting as someone who has recently quit smoking, lmao). In any case, it's not normal. That is, it's not the sort of thing one usually does when waking up in the morning. Is it to highlight the artificiality of the set up? Is it the David Lynch thing? I know he had an oxygen tank for ATVB, but I can't remember how consistently he used it. Wasn't at every show, was it? idk. Or maybe it is simply to remind us of the strangeness of the seemingly mundane things that we are about to watch him do?
His clothes are laid out for him on the cart, which, again, makes the perfectly normal act of getting dressed in the morning very strange. Perhaps also eliminates the choice. He doesn't need to make a decision about what to choose, cuz there are no options. Kind of like a uniform.
First thing he does when he's dressed and has made his "bed" is go up to the wall. I'm interested in these.
Because, he is fixated on it, and because that's what we see later on.
The music and the tone of the moment changes when he moves on to making coffee (fuck, now im really craving a good cup of coffee).
The coffee-making scene is utilizing lab apparatus. Though, I will say, drip coffee does usually use a grinder, a scale, filter paper, etc. So, I suppose that process is, in itself, adjacent to working in a lab. It also requires exactitude, slow motion, a lot of waiting around for the coffee to finish brewing and dripping, etc. (side note: the coffee he makes is nowhere near as strong as he should be. What kinda color is that, Matty?!) So, is he dramatizing the process? exaggerating skills required for the task? or i he SO committed to his grass thing that he's taken to sleeping in his lab and this is legit just an obsessed scientist making coffee in his lab thats also his home.
Some of you have pointed out that the door he exits from and the door he enters through are two different doors to the same building. If that's the case, is he suggesting some sort of cyclical nature to this everyday routine (in contrast to the day in the life thing that we saw in episode 1? Two sides, one coin?
Now, he's in an entire different lab space! Here's everything we can see when he first enters.
The greenery certainly stands out in the otherwise monochromatic setting, and we shortly see him make very exact moves to snip a "sample" of the plant, and then mist it. But not before he puts on his "Matty" coat and tosses away the "Truman Black" coat in the biohazard bin (more on that in a bit).
He moves on from his potted plant to his ??? patch of grass perhaps? which, remember, we saw a picture of in the first minute of the video. on his wall of sketches and images. One of the images was showing the layers underneath the grass. Meaning that what we see at the top in only the surface?
Briefly, we see a crack in his "character." In contrast to making deliberate and precise moves, he's suddenly stirring chaos. Trying to ride the cart, fucking with the drill, and watching stuff on his phone. You can toss the Truman Black lab coat into the biohazard bin but you can't take the Truman Black out of the Matty?? after all, the Matty dude is just a coat that he put on. He can take it back off at any moment. Is he saying that every version of himself is, ultimately, a performance of selfhood? even if he were to be "Matty"? is he saying you can't totally separate the two?
He writes "la poesie eat dans la rue" in his notebook. "The Poetry Is In The Street" BUT WHY? Nothing he's doing has anything to do with streets or poetry. Hint for the future, but what?
Next, he gets pretty tactile. "touching grass" as we joked yesterday, but maybe also testing it a bit? We get a visual trick that makes him go from hovering over the small patch of grass to laying in a much bigger one. Followed very quickly by him posing for the SATVB Tour poster.
which is the very first time that we feel there's someone maybe with him? who's taking the picture for the poster? is it pre-set? but we didn't see any signs of it in the room prior to the shot. Has more stuff happened in between, that is conveniently left out? has more time passed by? is that why the grass is larger?
He ends the video by shutting things down and pulling the lever, just like he used to do at the end of ATVB shows.
I'm not entirely sure what the "studying plant in lab" is alluding to or suggesting other than bringing the natural into an unnatural space? experimentation? exercise of control over natural being? construct building? I think that's the key to putting together the subject matter of the following tour.
NOW FOR HANG UPS I HAVE these might not be legit criticisms. It may be that once we get more info/ see more episodes, these things will become clear, but for now,
I'm not sure that this needed to be an episode of atpoaim. Like, couldn't the tour announcement have been its own thing? the series seems to have had a very specific goal that it was trying to achieve in a very specific way, and this was different. Didn't Matty say atpoaim was meant to get to color gradually as the series also got more theatrical and dramatic? kind of as a parallel to the 1975? this wasn't gradual. this went into color right away!
We also know that Matty filmed this in NJ a few weeks ago. MUCH after filming other stuff for future atpoaim episodes. Does this mean he's scrapped all previous footage and changed the whole plan? is this a brief interruption and we get back to normal next month with episode 5? is episode 5 gonna be totally new and different from an original episode 5 that maybe he'd planned before? This is why I say, if the tour announcement isn't intrinsic to where atpoaim is going, then it should've just been its own thing.
ANYWAYS THOUGHTS???? I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.
#matty healy#the 1975#atpoaim#still...at their very best#satvb#george daniel#ross macdonald#adam hann
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While in New York City promoting the release of Nuclear Now, Oliver Stone and screenwriter Joshua S. Goldstein (who is a PhD professor) sat down with Screen Rant to discuss their film, its themes, and the virtues of nuclear energy. They spoke about how companies like Shell and Exxon knew about climate change back in the 1960s but did nothing to stop it, placing their profits before the future of the planet. They also discussed overblown fears regarding nuclear power plants and their supposed environmental dangers.
Screen Rant: I'm thinking back to try and remember when I first heard of nuclear energy and nuclear weapons. Warren Smith had a song called "Uranium Rock," which is about mining for Uranium like the next gold rush. There was this brief window where nuclear power was absolutely going to be the future.
Oliver Stone: I love that. We should have kept going on that path, and we'd be out of the woods now.
Screen Rant: Had things turned out differently, what would carbon emissions be today?
Joshua S. Goldstein: Pretty close to zero. The heart of the problem is the fossil fuel economy, globally. And the emissions from that. We wouldn't have that problem. The United States was planning to have no carbon for electricity by the turn of the century, and we think the rest of the world would have followed suit.
Oliver Stone: Historically, this was a big deal. The fact that America detoured away from it is shocking. I think, to historians of the future, I don't think it's going to be overlooked.
Screen Rant: I think we'll look at this fossil fuel era as the dark ages.
Oliver Stone: [Laughs] If we get out of it.
Screen Rant: There was a perfect storm of circumstances that conspired to take down nuclear energy. I don't like to use the word "conspired," but it just crushed nuclear power.
Oliver Stone: It seemed like God's destiny or something. But you're right. In the beginning, in the 40s, it was horribly conflated with nuclear war. Nuclear power is not like nuclear war at all. Different origins. Different. At the beginning, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, that was a shame and a real disgrace, that we dropped those bombs, may Harry Truman be damned…
Screen Rant: As documented in your show, The Untold History of the United States.
Oliver Stone: Oh, you saw that? Bravo! I wasn't knowledgeable on that growing up. I should have been. It was my generation that screwed it up. It was guys like me and women like Jane Fonda who came along and we were mis-educated.
Joshua S. Goldstein: And there were all the films in the 50s…
Oliver Stone: That was a little before me. I'm not responsible for that! The radioactive monsters… So many of them. Great films, too! All those creatures, what the fuck were they? It was all scary shit, right? Then the United States embraced war, in Vietnam. In response, that generation brought into the idea of peace at any price. But they didn't get their information correct, and I don't know why that is. I don't know why there was no Einstein to emerge and go, "Hey guys, wake up!" I'd love to research that more. Why wasn't there somebody to question all this, when The China Syndrome came out.
Screen Rant: Your film doesn't lean into the idea of the fossil fuel and oil industries doing what we expect them to do.
Oliver Stone: We take the point of view of Rod Adams, who said it wasn't conspiracy. It was simply business. Have you read the recent reports about Shell Oil? They knew all about this back in the 70s and buried it. There's a whole court case coming up. It's a big one. They're suing the sh** out of them. They are responsible. They knew climate change was coming, but they wanted to make money. Now, can oil help us? Yeah! I think they still can help us. They make all kinds of products. Like sweaters, clothing, plastics, and they can be cooperative in this. They won't go out of business. They'll find a new way of doing it!
Joshua S. Goldstein: The next thing for oil companies to do is deep geothermal wells. They're good at digging underground for geothermal power. But there's a whole attitude about finding what's underground, and part of it is storing carbon down there and part of it is finding heat for geothermal, and part of it fossil fuel. I heard another thing where they take nuclear power to process kelp. Lots of kelp. Seaweed, into something that looks like crude oil to a refinery. And you feed that into the refinery.
After that, all the products you produce are carbon neutral because you used seaweed! And oil companies can still refine and sell that, instead of trying to switch it all over, it's just making gas differently, making diesel differently. There's a number of technologies… You use nuclear energy for a big shot at the start of the process, but you end up something that looks like diesel that you put in your pick up truck, or aviation fuel for planes. We don't know which of these may pan out in the future.
Screen Rant: The industry was stunted before it could be applied to fueling alternatives, even alternatives to itself. I think we talk about wind and solar being the future, but nuclear was the future 70 years ago. Can you talk about whether wind or solar have the capacity to sustain us?
Joshua S. Goldstein: You can't run a grid them alone. People say, "Well, batteries are getting cheaper," and that's true, but the scale doesn't add up for trying to run the world on batteries charged by wind and solar. They're great as part of the grid, and you can fill in around them when they're not producing. But if you've got a grid powered by wind and solar and it's not sunny and windy that day, you have nothing, and sometimes that can last for weeks. How are you going to run the entire grid for weeks? Batteries are orders of magnitude off from what we can build and afford now, since mining is very intensive for batteries.
Hydro-electric is great from a climate point of view, but it does flood valleys and destroy ecosystems. Then there's natural gas hovering in the background. The oil companies are like, "Yeah, it's a renewable future" and they have wind and solar all over the front of their websites, but then behind it, when they're not producing, they'll burn natural gas. "Clean" natural gas. It's not clean. It's producing carbon and methane. It's a very powerful greenhouse gas, but not as long-lived as carbon dioxide. I see so much natural gas advertising, how it's part of a "clean" solution, but it isn't. If you're sitting in Pennsylvania, on top of all the frakking fields, then natural gas is pretty cheap. But in South Korea or Japan, they have to import the LNG (liquefied natural gas), and that's pretty expensive.
Oliver Stone: Who's making the most money in America from shipping the LNG? Do you know?
Joshua S. Goldstein: I'm not sure. But the big oil companies. That industry is fragmented with companies you've never heard of that are making piles of money. There's independent producers, then there's the big ones. There's a big company that runs an LNG import terminal in Massachusetts, where we've phased out nuclear power. It's where I live. So, I look up, who owns this big solar array near where I live. It's the biggest one in Massachusetts. Who owns this? It's a big LNG import company. Why would they be building a solar field?
Screen Rant: The front door says "solar," but they're letting all the natural gas in through a side door when no one's looking.
Joshua S. Goldstein: When solar isn't producing, which is most of the time… Actually, in Massachusetts, our capacity factor, the percent of the theoretical capacity that's produced on average is 13%. So most of the time, it's not producing. And when it's not producing, that's when natural gas comes in. It makes sense for them. Put solar out there, and it's cheap when it produces, but most of the time it doesn't. So now we're 3/4 methane. A few decades ago, Massachusetts was 1/4 coal, 1/4 nuclear, 1/4 natural gas, and then 1/4 everything else. They phased out coal and nuclear entirely, the dirtiest thing and the cleanest thing. Now it's just 3/4 natural gas. We haven't de-carbonized at all.
Screen Rant: Right now there's a whole thing about the waste water at Indian Point, where the local protests stopped them from dumping water into the Hudson. Is that water dangerous?
Joshua S. Goldstein: I would drink that water. It's the most ridiculously tiny amount of radioactivity. People think radioactivity is a 'yes or no' thing. Like, one bite from a radioactive spider will turn you into Spider-Man. But it doesn't work that way. We're bathed in radiation all the time. This room is full of it. Nuclear power doesn't add much. Background radiation varies a lot from one place to another. In Denver, Colorado, it's twice what it is here at sea level in New York. And yet there's no health effects from that variation.
This tritium that they want to dump, they want to dump water that has tiny amounts of tritium, is a tiny fraction of that difference between Denver and New York. We know that it's not an amount that can have any effect. Tritium is in EXIT signs, like that one over there. The total amount they want to dump from Indian Point is greatly diluted and gets safer every day from radioactive decay. The total amount is about equal to one of those EXIT signs, roughly. We're around tritium all the time. It's something that can be written as, "Radioactive water dumped into our natural sources!"
Oliver Stone: These websites turn out these articles, like CounterPunch, they turn out everything anti-nuclear. They believe this sh** because they give you so many numbers they can convince you.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Tritium is so weakly radioactive. It produces low-energy electrons. Yes, it's radioactive, it throws off electrons, but the electrons won't go through a couple inches of air. It won't penetrate skin. It's just like a version of hydrogen. It passes through the body like any water does. It doesn't accumulate in the body. If they put it in the Hudson River, it will be so diluted, it will have no effect.
Screen Rant: So, it's not a case where as soon as they dump it, the fish will all rise to the surface with Xs over their eyes.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Right. It's just fear. We have fears of radioactivity from movies in the 50s, and then from Silkwood and those kinds of films. If they can ping those fears, they can raise money on it, politicians can get votes off it, but I'd drink it.
Screen Rant: What about stuff like spent fuel and more immediate byproducts? They bury that, right?
Joshua S. Goldstein: Well, they were going to bury it in Yucca Mountain. Finland is actually building a repository similar to Yucca Mountain to bury it. We put it in "dry casks." Concrete casks, 18 feet high. Concrete. It stops the radiation. I've stood right next to them with no protective gear at all. They don't leak. They're safe for 100 years in that form. While we go about solving Climate Change…
Oliver Stone: [Laughs] Then we can worry about it.
Joshua S. Goldstein: After we solve Climate Change, either bury them like Finland is doing, or turn them into fuel for new reactors.
Screen Rant: They can be recycled?
Joshua S. Goldstein: Yeah.
Oliver Stone: Waste is very carefully managed because there's a small amount of it. It's watched. There's not one piece of waste that's out there. Whereas oil and coal, there's a lot of waste. A lot of waste. And solar batteries.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Cadmium, mercury. Solar Panels have all these minerals that are mined. It's very difficult to mine. And they're turned into solar panels in China, in Xinjiang, where the genocide is going on.
Oliver Stone: What genocide? Oh, you're going with that? Okay. But listen, you understand, as a filmmaker, how can you resist this story? It's important! With this turnaround that's happened. If there was no turnaround, if we just became nuclear-powered, we would be rather passive about all of it. It would become uneventful. In France, when I was shooting there, there's lots of people who don't even know there's a nuclear plant there, but they're happy it works. But it doesn't cross their consciousness.
Screen Rant: A great scene in your film is the Three Mile Island incident. There was a meltdown tragedy averted because it was evidence that the safety precautions worked.
Oliver Stone: Key is the guy who says, "They never tell us the truth, it's worse than they're telling you."
Screen Rant: We look at coal and natural gas as the devil we know, even though it's so much more destructive than nuclear. Young people don't have a whole lot to look forward to in this world, but we won't have a planet at that point if we don't change things now.
Oliver Stone: We'll have a planet, but it will be ruined. Or close to ruined. I wonder where we'll go. Maybe the South Seas. I'm not sure. I don't know where to go.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Oliver, maybe you can go to South Pacific ahead of time and check and see if it's safe for the rest of us.
Oliver Stone: The scientist in the film says, "It's a shame Nuclear didn't come along until later, in the 80s, because it wouldn't have been so resisted. It's important to have more accidents, actually. (Laughs) We'd understand that it's like a plane crash. Planes have to develop into better planes. There's a need for accidents, for any industry to grow.
Screen Rant: I wrote that in my notes before it came up in the film. We hear about every plane crash, but flying is still the safest way to travel. Yes, Chernobyl was a terribly mismanaged incident, and that mismanagement was what led to the massive loss of life. The thing I'm worried about with regard to nuclear power is Material Unaccounted For.
Oliver Stone: Yeah, that senator, what was his name… From Georgia… Sam Nunn. When the Soviet Union went down, they had to account for all the nuclear material. There was a rush. For example, Kazakhstan was part of the Soviet Union and had a load of material, so George Bush or whoever ran over there and said, "Hey, give it to us!" Ya know
Joshua S. Goldstein: When the Soviet Union fell apart, there were weapons all over the place.
Oliver Stone: Ukraine gave theirs back to the Soviet Union. They had a good leader at that time, Kuchma.
Joshua S. Goldstein: There was a rush to scoop up all the nuclear material and the weapons and bring them back.
Oliver Stone: What about the missing stuff that he's scared of? The stuff that's gonna fall into Iranian hands or something?
Joshua S. Goldstein: They collected all this stuff and it culminates when they take megatons of Soviet weapons, downblend the fuel, and run American reactors on them for about 15 years. Half of all the nuclear power in the USA was running off these Soviet warheads.
Oliver Stone: What do they do to the fuel?
Joshua S. Goldstein: They downblend it, so instead of "highly enriched" uranium, it goes all the way down to 5%. You take something and turn it from one into twenty. It's downgraded that way. We ran our reactors for 15 years on it. Nobody really knew about it. It's called 'megatons to megawatts.' The downside of it was, it discouraged the US fro making more of our own nuclear fuel. After that, we just kept on buying nuclear fuel from the Russians. Sam Nunn was all involved with that. As for the Materials Unaccounted For, the idea that this low-enriched Uranium would get out and someone could make it into a bomb, it hasn't been an issue. If you want to make a bomb, you have to enrich Uranium.
Screen Rant: Which not a lot of people have the capacity to do.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Right. Iran is a major country with a big program, all those centrifuges enriching uranium. You can do it. You can get there. Pakistan and India have civilian nuclear power, and it's separate from their military program for weapons. A civilian nuclear power plant is not useful for making weapons.
Oliver Stone: It's never happened. You can't say that it's ever happened.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Then Israel and North Korea, big proliferators, creating nuclear weapons…
Oliver Stone: I'm curious, why did Israel develop nuclear weapons but not nuclear power plants?
Joshua S. Goldstein: I think they wanted to keep their nuclear technology for their weapons program, which they were keeping secret, so they didn't want a public facing…
Oliver Stone: But it would be two different departments.
Joshua S. Goldstein: That's how it is in India and Pakistan. I can't answer you on Israeli policy. South Korea was going to build nuclear weapons, but they chose civilian nuclear power because they couldn't do both over the international framework. Israel dropped out of the framework and made weapons, but South Korea… Sweden, too, they were pursuing nuclear weapons, but decided, they're not really much use, let's build power plants instead.
Screen Rant: Regarding how you can't weaponize a nuclear plant, we saw Russia occupy Chernobyl. What, if anything, could they have done? It felt, at the time, like nuclear blackmail.
Joshua S. Goldstein: Chernobyl is on the road straight into Kyiv, so that's why they went through there. There were all these stories about Russian soldiers digging through the Chernobyl dirt and how it's going to irradiate them and all this terrible stuff, but nothing ever materialized. It was just a lot of fear. Anytime Chernobyl's back in the picture. And the same thing is with the Zaporizhzhia plant in Ukraine, which Russia is currently occupying. But they had shut the plant down
Oliver Stone: And it's encased in concrete, right?
Joshua S. Goldstein: Yes. The safest place to be in a warzone is in a nuclear plant!
You can conjure up scenarios where a bunker-buster bomb could breach containment and you'd end up with some low-level radioactivity spreading around. It's easy to map because you can measure very small measures of radioactivity, but that doesn't mean it's having any harmful effects.
Oliver Stone: Is that the one-in-a-million shot?
Joshua S. Goldstein: Yes. My parents were biological scientists, and they used radioactive tracers to follow molecules around the body and see where they end up. Just low-level radiation.
Screen Rant: I can't tell if you're just exploring the science or if you have a storytelling idea.
Joshua S. Goldstein: This is beyond the movie, but I've been thinking about the topic we broach in the movie briefly about what happened in the 1940s and 50s when there was this scientific fraud to make people afraid of radiation. That's a story about finding the lie. The Rockefeller Foundation was the main funder of science, not the government. They put all their money into creating the idea that low-level radiation is dangerous.
Oliver Stone: As Rod Adams says, he doesn't think it was conspiracy, he thinks it was business. The interesting thing, now, is that we discovered the Shell oil papers from those days. They knew in the 1960s that Climate Change was here, but they kept doing what they were doing, which makes them possibly liable in this new mentality we have of courtroom legal warfare. Lawfare. Maybe they can go after Shell or Exxon, because they knew. They explored the future.
-Zak Wojnar, ScreenRant, May 3 2023 [x]
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Final Omori Update (8 and 9/9)-
•So HeroXMari is canon right?
•Kinda getting SunnyXBasil vibes, I think it would be cute
•Hero. I simp. Mmm. Yes. Simp.
•Okay but like this photo album is so god damn cute omg. I love it so much.
•So... Aubrey’s mom is neglectful and she lives in a pigsty huh...? I can understand the feeling honestly... my house is the same way cause of my mom -all the trash. I mean there’s trash but it’s mostly just clothes. So.. I can relate to that and how she feels. Her room is the only decent place, and even then... mmm... poor Aubrey...
•So we can assume Mari’s leg wasn’t always bad because she was able to carry Sunny home off the bus. We can assume it didn’t drop them off right at their house because it seems their house is at the end of a road? So it probably dropped them off at the beginning of the street. Buses don’t usually go down roads like that.
•Okay but Mari and Hero are just too dang cute omg. I really feel bad for Hero, he really lost the love of his life. Also Sunny in the sand is. So cute. He’s just a vibing little dude. Also Hero went straight for laying in the chest.
•Also also we can probably assume Mari has self esteem issues, because she didn’t think her flower crown was great while everyone else did. So this could also hint toward her depression which might’ve caused her to Kermit... also that was.. the last nice summer...
•SUNNY AND MEWO IN THE BOX ONG MY HEART- Also “Kel’s next victim” also also, the giant stag... I can only think of ACNH.
•1.) I want Mari’s chocolate chip cookies 2.) So Captain Spaceboy and Sweetheart are based off fictional characters from their universe, which makes sense. A child’s imagination will bring their favorite fiction to life. Trust me. I know.
•So Mari is... older than Hero? Or are they the same age and she was just preparing for college more?? Also... she died soon before their recital... :c
•I’ll take a hug Hero!!!
•Okay, so them visiting her grave hit me right in the feels, and I feel terrible for all of them because her death was so hard, and like Hero still blames himself and Kel regrets not visiting more and just... the picnic was so nice... god this episode is gonna make me sad... Also I feel bad simping for Hero because of all this. Like omg the mental toll that must have on him.
•Hero is me when there’s a spider. God I wish I had someone like Kel.
•FINALLY someone addressed that Sunny might’ve had it the worst when Mari died, and that someone should’ve worried about making sure he’s okay. I’m glad it was Aubrey too because she was the one who was like “you guys weren’t there for ME!” Like. No one was there for Sunny either, and that was his sister! Also... I’m starting to get the implications thay Sunny might’ve developed an eating disorder from the depression caused by Mari’s passing? Because this is the second time they’ve mentioned he’s gotten thin.
•.....oh my god.... hold on... I... need to go cry....
•Sunny has finally awakened in Omori’s world! So Sunny and Omori are two different parts of him! And Omori’s the bad part! Yes Sunny! Revolt! Break free! You don’t need White and Black Space anymore!
•... Sunny... killed Mari... and framed it as a suicide... he didn’t mean to... she broke his violin... And the eye thing... represents her dead body, with eyes open... and Basil... knew... So Mari wasn’t depressed... and if Sunny’s friends knew what he did... they’d never forgive him...
~~~~ (9/9)~~~~
•Basil no... my baby boy...
•Okay so in the bad ending since Sunny doesn’t overcome his trauma of killing Mari, and Basil dies, he.. well doesn’t overcome it and let it go, which is why the something follows him into the car, because he hasn’t let go or vanquished the trauma at all, he hasn’t come to terms with it so now it’s going to follow him to the new place, and no matter what it’ll haunt him forever. He isn’t free. The sirens at the credits could allude to Sunny having a.. similar fate to Basil or to the ambulance going to get Basil, or any of the other friends who might’ve fallen victim
•SPEAKING OF SUNNY HAVING A SIMILAR FATE. Uh. Fuck. I don’t even have a comment why are they all dying??? So in Bad Ending 2 Sunny... also Kermits and it’s most likely because of the guilt caused by both Mari and Basil’s death. He inadvertently caused both. White space could no longer keep him going. It pushed him over the edge you could say.
•Okay the one thing that annoys me about all the Sunny dies endings is that his mom like. Just calls. Forever. Like you’d think adventuly she’d go inside and realize somethings wrong but NOPE. Just chill in the car. And the movers don’t even say anything if he’s dead IN THE LIVING ROOM. Wtf. Like I get it’s suppose to be creepy but I would’ve liked to hear a scream of horror? Just change it up a bit?
•Okay so the deciding factor on if you get a good or bad ending is saving Basil.
•Okay this ending has a lot to unpack. So Basil is angry and Sunny for leaving him alone to carry this burden, but also for running away from it. Basil has also been driven to madness because he’s had to keep it all to himself, and he’s trying to convince himself that Sunny wouldn’t have killed Mari and destroyed the pictures. So all this is just weighing on Basil and causing him to get aggressive. Sunny left Basil alone with this secret and the idea of him being completely alone is maddening to him. Sunny is the only person who saw what he saw. The only other person who knows. Basil is also suffering hallucinations as he tries to convince himself that something else did all this bad stuff. He really doesn’t think his best friend could do anything wrong... seems.. kinda toxic actually. Like Basil has been manipulated and gaslighted except he wasn’t.. at least, not by Sunny.
•I love the idea of like. Omori and Sunny having to duke it out, Sunny is fighting his bad and inner/dark thoughts. He’s overcoming them. He’s believing in his friends and he’s not letting his depression control him anymore. Omori is all the bad parts of Sunny. The part that feels the most guilt, but also the side that views him as a killer, and that he killed Mari. He’s the one who thinks he’s irredeemable. In short, he’s Sunny’s depression, and if Sunny is ever going to be able to move on and let what happened in the past go, and forgive himself, he needs to overcome Omori.
•As someone who struggles with mental health problems, it’s really uplifting to hear the friend’s words, even if I don’t really believe it. They’re caring people...
•Main concern is if Sunny and Basil are okay. They were just stabbing each other.
•Yet another ending where Sunny basically succumbs to his depression, and let’s Omori take over.- Okay was not expecting that though...
•Sunny: *gets into position to play the violin* You Lose. (Honest that was really awesome!)
•Okay so this time Omori dies, showing Sunny has overcome his anxieties and has come to terms with his past. He accepts it. He won. OMG DID HE JUST DO A LITTLE TRUMAN SHOW BOW!?
•So Basil really did stab him...
•And he’s finally letting his emotions go, he’s finally crying over his loss and his pain... he’s allowing himself to emote.. I’m so proud...
•TOBY FOX WORKED ON THIS-
•So Basil and Sunny both attacked each other out of defense because of their growing anxieties and shit from keeping this huge secret, but once they came forward with the truth, the burden vanished, they were okay. A weight was lifted off their shoulders and they could try to be happy and be friends again.
Final thoughts- Now I thought this was a really cool and interesting game! I hope it gets more traction because, like I said, it’s very interesting and definatly can throw you for a loop. I went into it knowing there was a twist ending but I wasn’t even correct, and I’d say I’m p good at figuring shit out. But yeah I really liked it! I’m def gonna look up a bunch more just so I can see what I missed, or to just hear other peoples ideas, get a clearer view on the story! Also I’m so looking at the fan art now, omg I’ve been waiting for this.
I’m a little sad Sunny still moved away but I know they couldn’t just not... and I wish we could’ve seen everyone’s reactions. But yeah I still got a few more questions but as for watching the game, that’s it. That’s the end. And I’m happy about it honestly. I can’t say it enough but I really enjoyed watching it and figuring the stuff out! It was cool! (Also the music is a bop.) I’m just glad my children could be happy at the end.
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Wandavision Theory Part 2
You can see the first part here with the wonderful points made by @those-celestial-bodies
I'm so stupid that I posted an draft of this earlier, Sorry to the people that had seen that.
Anyway,
The era that is not what they want you think It is, so I'll call the 2000's-10's.
This is the same living room that we have seen in other decades, but this is the most modern looking one. aking we think that it's the real (MCU) time and not the simulation,but the decoration is anachronic, look at the TV.
Wanda is modernizing rather than giving a vintage magic's makeover. Like she is fixing the stuff that is not períod accurate. (Side note: the lamp is the same lamp of the 60's, but BLUE not yellow, maybe they're were just reusing props.)
I'm already made a post joking about the bova picture, but I want to talk about the others pictures. I'm not the first to say, that the one in the right corner, looks like a collage of photos of children growing up. but I want to focus at the one closer to the door, it's a painting of a house with the same layout as the one we see on the halloween, but because it was dark we couldn't see the colors, however they posted this:
yeah, it's a painting of their house.
(side note: Marvel, you are being subtle as an bull in a porcelain store with this slogan)
Now about Wanda's clothes, she looks depressed, the shirt doesn't even look like it's hers, it's too big.also using blue matching the walls.
Theory time: they want us to think that this is the "real" MCU time, that Wanda's depressed and then making the simulation, but to me This is the last decade of the simulation, when she knows that what she has in this universe is coming to an end. The "reality" is really knocking at the door.
The 2020's or the current MCU.
let's talk about S.W.O.R.D, so half the cast is in the scene, Jimmy, Monica, Darcy, this agent in front that seems important.
I think that it's too much people being agents, my fan theory was that Darcy would still being a civillian , to diversify the have civil ties with what is happening in the simulation. (But maybe this is bias because of my fic)
My theory, they coming thinking that IS something about aliens, boom,in the end IS also Magic, and they are not prepared to this. (Also bias because Is also the Idea behind my fic)
My big question is: do they know what IS happening in the simulation, like they are watching truman's show or no??
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1143
survey by brock-checkitout
Do you like cheese? Yeah but not to an obsessive extent like most people on the internet seem to be. I have a lower tolerance when it comes to cheeses with stronger or more pungent flavors, and I like sticking to those on the creamy side, like feta and burrata.
What type of shampoo do you use? Dove.
Do turtles make you happy? I mean not as much as dogs would but they are animals, so encountering one would still make me giddy and happy :)))
Name one person who snores in their sleep. Both of my parents, which is why I used to dread whenever we’d book a trip and there’s only one main room available for the 5 of us.
Would you walk around a grocery store with a bra as glasses? Sure, if I was gonna do it for like a cause or something. Or if I got paid for it. I can’t imagine why I’d ever have to casually/randomly do it. Also how would that even work, if it actually had to work as glasses???
Can you do the HoeDown ThrowDown? That movie came out when we were in the midst of moving houses and everything was super hectic in my little 10 year old life, so I never got to wach it, actually. I missed out on the whole Hoedown Throwdown craze and I distinctly remember jealously watching over my classmates as they danced it together.
Do you like Hershey's Chocolate bars? Just the cookies and cream variant.
What smiley face do you use the most? :) I very rarely use others.
What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8.
Do you listen to rap? Not so much. For the most part, I stick to my tried and tested albums, like Jay-Z and Kanye’s Watch the Throne.
Look at something green, does it have batteries in it? That would be a nearby alcohol bottle, and no, it does not need batteries.
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when I say: PRINTER? Ink and paper.
What is the last cuss word you said out loud? Not so sure, but since I commonly say shit and fuck they could serve as safe enough guesses.
Do you like cows? Sure.
What kind of car does your mother drive? These days we split ‘my’ car between us since we sold our third car, which used to be the one she’d usually drive. The new arrangement used to bug me at first because it meant I now had to notify my mom in advance whenever I planned to drive out, but I’ve since gotten used to the setup.
What do you get in your tacos? I don’t eat tacos. Not that I dislike them; there are just many other Mexican dishes I find more filling.
What is your opinion on blueberries? As a flavor, it’s fine. But I actually tried an actual blueberry for the very first time last week when my aunt sent over a blueberry cheesecake - I really wanted to give it a chance, but I still found it nasty :( I really don’t know why I hate fruits so much lmao.
Are you currently wearing lip gloss/chap stick? Nopes.
Is there a bottle of lotion near you? There isn’t.
Name one person that you know that smokes. Sam smokes superexcessively. Like I’ve completely forgotten how much she can smoke in an evening until I hung out with her again a few weeks ago. It was half impressive and half terrifying; and my clothes ended up smelling because of it.
What's your favorite season? We don’t have the usual four seasons, but based on what I’ve seen in media, spring and winter look and feel the most pleasant to me.
Are any of your friends vegetarians? No.
What is one phrase that you hate hearing? “All lives matter” really pisses me off.
Can you name four presidents right now? Rodrigo Duterte, Ramon Magsaysay, Fidel Ramos, Diosdado Macapagal. But because I’m guessing this meant American presidents...George W. Bush, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Harry Truman.
What is the first thing you think of when I say: HOOD? A jacket.
Do you currently own a cat? Nope.
What do you think of Ulta? I think of the fact that I’ve never heard of that before and I don’t actually know what this is referring to.
Have you ever walked into a club and asked for a Coke? No.
Do you like classical music? Sure, some.
What is your opinion on Oreos? I had the biscuits like a billion times as a kid to the point that I got sick of them. I will always pick the Oreo flavor in other desserts though, be it cheesecake, cupcake, cookies, milkshakes, tc.
Do you like Chips-Ahoy? No, tastes too artificial/processed. I’ll always go for freshly-baked cookies.
What did ya think of this survey? It was fine. I *think* I haven’t taken this before either, so that’s a plus lol.
--
survey by carolynnnnonia
1. What time did you wake up this morning? Around 6:30ish.
2. When did you take your default picture? It’s not a photo of me, it’s a still from BoJack Horseman. Years ago I saw someone on Twitter use it as a default and I found it hilarious, so I decided to do the same thing for this blog.
3. Are you hungry? Mmm not so much right now actually. I had a midnight snack that I only got to finish by like 2 AM so I still feel pretty filled.
4. Have you ever cheated on a test? Yup but just once. When I ended up perfecting the exam I cheated on, I felt like a fraud and I’ve never cheated since. I’d rather get an honest 99 than get a 100 that I’m ashamed of, lol.
5. When was the last time you ate ice cream? I think it had been last week when we had a cookies and cream tub in the fridge.
6. What computer game is in your CPU? I don’t play PC games and it’s been a hoooooot minute since I’ve seen a CPU.
7. Do you like Audrey Hepburn? You’ve come to the right person :))) Yup, obsessed. Have watched her entire filmography except for the ones that are impossible to find DVDs of or online.
8. What color is your winter jacket?
9. Do you have any siblings? Yup.
10. Would you call yourself skinny? Not anymore. I’ve filled up a bit over the last few years but I’m still usually seen as thin. I was a lot skinnier in my teens.
11. Does your phone take pictures? Yes, 2008 survey, it does.
12. Who is your favorite neighbor? They’re not really neighbors, but the construction workers who are currently working on a new house from across ours are crazy over Cooper and love to greet him and give him a few pats when I take him out. My actual neighbors are rather quiet and we tend to keep to ourselves.
13. Do you wish at 11:11? No.
14. Have you ever gotten a detention? We don’t have detention here.
15. Do you still watch Disney Channel? Nah, we took out our cable last year because no one was using it anymore. And I doubt there’s anything watchable on Disney Channel for a twentysomething?? Lmao I usually stick to the shows and movies I grew up with, so.
16. Who did you last IM? Angela.
17. Who is your least favorite teacher? Whoever hated me for no reason in middle and high school. Then in college, I had to power through a misogynist, sexist, delusional Duterte-supporting professor for an entire semester as well.
18. What were you doing six hours ago? I was winding down and watching Good Mythical Morning videos to eventually doze off.
19. What is your ringtone? Just the default iPhone ones.
20. Does your door have a dead bolt on it? I had to look this up haha but yeah.
21. Have you ever been to a show? Like, a live shooting of a show? Hmm....I don’t remember ever going to one yet. I remember being invited to one because they needed seat fillers, but I had school at the time and was never available on the day of the shoot.
22. What are some details about your first kiss? Innocent, pure. Even though that person ended up disappointing me, I don’t regret having my first kiss with them.
23. What college do you want to attend/currently attend? I went to UP.
24. Have you had any soda today? No and I most likely won’t.
25. What is your favorite scary movie? Carrie, The Shining, and Evil Dead are some good ones.
26. Do you own a Wii? We used to and it was a big part of my late childhood to my early teens. We had thrown it out years ago, though, because it stopped working.
27. Did you wear shorts today? I currently am wearing shorts, yeah, and I plan on wearing shorts for the rest of the day.
28. Anything fun happening this weekend? There’s an official Kim Seonho fanmeet happening tonight on Facebook and I’m so excited for it lmaaaaaaoooo
29. What shoes did you wear today? One of my sneakers.
30. What is your favorite type of Pop Tart? We only get 5 flavors here in the Philippines, but my favorite is the chocolate fudge one.
31. Do you subscribe to any magazines? Nope.
32. What was the last television show you watched? I didn’t watch it on TV, but I watched a few clips from this show called Caught in Providence on Facebook. I have such a soft spot for that show.
33. Do you know any other languages? If I’m not speaking in English, I use Filipino, yes.
34. Are you wearing anything green? No.
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His Favorite Student
Professor!Duncan Shepherd X Reader one shot
Summary: you are one of Duncan's best students. You are never late, never miss a class, nor flirts and asks for help. What happens when he asks you to stay after class.
Warning: Smut, Oral(female and male receiving) fingering vaginal, Spanking, Age difference (reader is 23 and Duncan is like 36) Sir kink , Praise kink, public sex.
Y/n P.O.V
"World War II was also called the Second World War, conflict that involved virtually every part of the world during the years 1939–45" Professor Shepherd finished after writing down the questions on the board. I've been studying in his class for 3 months and aced an A in his class not missing a lesson in his class. Especially if I get sick I pack myself Theraflu and Tylenol. Most of the girls in my class are always wearing trampy ass clothes such as short skirts, crop tops and don't get me started on how they "accidentally" drop a pen or a pencil and bend over in front of the Professor's desk while he's doing work showing off their pretty pink thongs.
Ugh, I just want to jump over my desk and kick them square in the face-
"Ms. (Y/l/n)" Professor called out. "What was the cause of World War II?" He asked. I didn't need to look in my book or ask a partner.
"World War II began in Europe on September 1, 1939, when Germany invaded Poland." He grinned pointing at me saying "Right you are" and writes it on the board. I couldn't help the smirk coming up on my face. I can't help it, I love being right and I never gotten an answer wrong in my life.
"Alright another question, Who were the leaders during World War II?" Regina, dressed in a short pink dress showing too much cleavage with brown hair rose her hand up being all flirty and shit. "Ms Smith, go ahead".
"United Kingdom, Soviet Union, France, and uhh the United States yeah." God her fucking voice is more annoying than nails on a chalk board. Plus she got it totally wrong. Almost.
"And their names and you're missing three countries" he almost sounded annoyed at her answer. Again, can I kick her?
"What the hell, that is so totally right. I've been studying every night how can I get it wrong!" She exclaimed.
"The Allied powers were led by Winston Churchill of UK, Joseph Stalin of the Soviet Union, Charles de Gaulle of France, and Franklin D. Roosevelt and Harry S. Truman of the US. The Axis powers were led by Adolf Hitler of Germany, Benito Mussolini of Italy, and Hideki Tojo of Japan." I answered.
"And Regina if you weren't studying what's the Professor's pelvic area and trying to get his attention by dressing like a Barbie doll whore you might get the answers right next time". All was heard from the class was "burn" and "damn girl". Professor Shepherd had to quiet down the class and dismissed us having Regina cry while leaving the class.
As I was about to leave Professor Shepherd stopped me.
"Ms (y/l/n), a word." Fuck me. I've never been in trouble with him but I guess when I called Regina a Barbie doll whore then yeah I guess going to get a lecture. He gestures me to have a seat and him facing me leaning on his desk.
"So Ms (y/l/n), why do you think it was okay to call Ms Smith a Barbie doll whore" he scowled.
"I'm sorry Professor, she really pissed me off, she doesn't care about this class none of these sluts do. Dressing in their pastel short dress, bright makeup and when they bend over showing their fucking thongs right in front of you're goddamn face" I ranted. His expression softened. He leaned in front of me with his hands on the chair handles.
"Are you jealous?"
"No, I'm just here to learn and not worry about sex or partying like everyone else does" I snapped. He leans back smirking on my answer.
"I knew there was something about you that I liked. You're self assured, ambitious and intelligent beautiful creature" he complimented. I got up from the chair. Am I dreaming or what because he never complimented me like that.
"Umm, Professor-" he cuts me off with a kiss, grabbing my hips.
"Please, call me Duncan (y/n)" he breathed. Without thinking for a second I began pulling him for another kiss. This kiss was very needy and passionate. Damn I've always thought Duncan was attractive but never thought of him as a good kisser. I know this feels very very wrong and I'm going against everything I wouldn't do but fuck I want this, I need this, I need him.
I grabbed him by the collar of his black button up, turning around to push him on the chair. I waited for him to take his trousers down but it is almost like he wants me to do it.
"I'm nothing like the other whores, take off your own damn pants" he was taken aback by my words but managed to unbuckle his belt pulling down his black slacks along with his briefs. My eyes widened at his size and girth. I looked up at him and smirks at my reaction.
"Can you handle it little one"
"You've underestimate me sir" As I got down on my knees wrapping my delicate fingers around his shaft as I jerked it with my hands a little then I take just the tip in my mouth slowly swirling my tongue like a lollipop and taking him fully and stroking him. Hearing him groan just encourage me to go all the way.
I hold the base of his penis with one hand, and play with his balls with the other.
"Fuck, you're really good at this " he complemented and I just winked at him making my movements faster with him grabbing a hold of my hair out of my face so he can have a good look at me. I swirled my tongue as I used the exact amount of suction to drive him insane. He moaned and moaned. Every moan I got out of him was a trophy, only driving me onward.
Summoning every bit of self-restraint he had, he bade me to stop. "Come up here my pet." he beckoned over to his desk. Without asking I pushed the papers to the floor. I looked behind me and he's still sitting in his chair.
"Now, look at the mess you've made. I'm afraid I'm gonna punish you my dear. Now be a good girl like you've always have in my class and take off those jeans.
"Yes, sir" I replied. I start to unbuckle my jeans, pulling them down slowly to tease him. He knew what I was doing and he wasn't liking it.
Finally getting the jeans off along with my panties ,pushing them aside with my foot. When I was about to unbutton my blouse Duncan jumped out of his seat as he pushed my hands away and ripping it open to reveal my Victoria's Secret bra. Luckily you can unclip it from the front so he won't have to rip it off so he won't buy me a new one. He takes the bra off me tossing it with my pants and shoes. His hands start to stroke your sides and my fingers slip under your hip bones. I raise my hips to meet his but stopping just short.
"Tsk tsk tsk baby" he said, turning me around as I placed my hands on his desk.
" Now, you are going to count whenever I spank your pretty smart ass and when I do spank you will also say sir" he growled in my ear and I nodded with a whimper.
"*Spank* 1, sir." I whimpered
"*Spank* 2, sir."
"*Spank* 3 sir" I moaned.
"*Spank* 4 sir".
"*Spank* ahh oh fuck, 5 sir please. I need you sir so badly" I moaned. I looked behind me and he gets down on his knees and he starts to devour my pussy with his tongue and mouth from behind as I gripped his desk for leverage. No man has ever done this with me. All of them didn't know how to please me and Duncan Shepherd, my history professor is having me bend at his desk devouring my pussy like it's water. He starts to lick me up like an ice cream cone and starts pumping a finger inside me.
"Ever Since you've walked into my class, you're all I've been thinking about" then adds his second finger, curling them as he hits my g-spot. I knew I was ready to cum. I wanted to cum so badly and he knew that. Duncan takes his fingers out of me as he stands up and gives my ass one more slap.
"Are you ready for me baby" he said, stroking his cock.
"Yes sir, please fuck me" I gasped as
he plunged his cock hard inside me. I rose up on my elbows and pushed back against him as I felt his hips slapping rhythmically against my ass. Duncan grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back against him with every thrust. I looked back at him as we watched each other’s pleasure grow. His cock was even harder now, and I was drenched with arousal. The look in his eyes was almost feral, and I wanted him to fuck me…hard.
His hands found my breasts, and his fingers coaxed my nipples, and they ached with every pinch. My clit began to throb, and I thrust my hips with the arousal that was building again inside me.
"You're the only one that interest me" he nipped and sucked on my neck, leaving me a red mark to remind me I'm his.
"Not all those ladies who think they're better than you. You have something that they don't. A brain, and more importantly a fucking personality" he growled in my ear.
"Oh yesss" I hissed. His pace became more faster.
"Please, I want to cum" I gasped.
"What was that my favorite Student, say it correctly and I may just give you what you like my angel" he groaned.
"Oh please sir, please let me cu-" I was cut off by his hard fast thrust screaming from the pleasure I was getting.
"Don't you dare cum without me, " he said. Thank God for birth control. "We're gonna cum in 5...4...3...2...oh fuck 1, cum for sir baby cum for me" my orgasm came out of me as I came all over my Professor's cock and thrusted a couple more times in me.
---
We start putting our clothes on. Luckily Duncan had wipes so I wouldn't have to feel sticky. "Well I better be going" I was about to head out of his class then I turned around by Duncan giving me the sweetest, softest kiss.
We pulled away with our heads touching and said " I meant what I said (y/n). You're very special to me. May I take you to dinner on Saturday". I simply nodded. "Yes, Duncan I'd love too" .
A/n: Any thoughts on this?
Like, comment or reblog and I have one more one shot.
@barbie-solecism
@sodanova
@wvntersldr
@kylolangdon
@theghostoflangdon
@miskwaadesiwag
@whysosadmcfly
@creativedogs
@kaccatus
@goddess-of-inferno
@captainskyline
@gracethegeek9902
@castiel-saved-me-from-myself
@amortentiaxo
@langdonsdemon
@poisedphantom
@dyns33
@avesatanormalpeoplescareme
@lvngdvns
@7-wonders
@mytrash-mylife
@myfavouritelunatic
@videogame-addict
#duncan shepherd smut#professor and student relationship#fluff and smut#college au#duncan shepherd x female reader
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So,
Dr. White crossed his legs like a woman.
We were in a corner office of Royal Jubilee Hospital, looking out at the parking lot, as he unpacked his clipboard and quickly scanned his notes. Probably around his mid-50s, he was dressed like a professor in a maroon sweater and slim-fitting black jeans. I sat with my hands folded politely in my lap, like a chastened school child, while I waited for him to speak.
“So how’re we doing with The Truman Show thing?” he asked. “Where are we at with that?”
The nurses had given back my ordinary clothes by this point, so I wasn’t in humiliating pyjamas anymore. Instead I was dressed in all black, with my hoodie up around my head like Obi-Wan Kenobi. I knew the answers I gave him could be used as fodder for keeping me institutionalized longer, but I also didn’t want to lie anymore. Lying was getting old. I’d only had three meetings with him, but Dr. White seemed like a legitimately conscientious and compassionate guy.
“I guess the thing for me is being aware of my sources,” I said. “And making sure they’re credible.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, if I’m convinced something is true I need to ask myself why I think that. Is it because someone told me? Is it because I read it on the Internet? On Twitter? Or is it just that the idea came to me while I was jerking off in the shower and I just fuckin’ ran with it?”
Dr. White nodded, scribbling some notes. I’d already explained the basic delusion I was suffering from, that I was being filmed for a documentary being directed by Quentin Tarantino. George R.R. Martin and J.K. Rowling were definitely involved somehow, I figured, and now I was starting to suspect that I was the bastard child of my Uncle Jon. It was all the same stuff I was saying the last two times this happened, so how had I successfully tricked myself into falling for it again?
I sighed. “It’s like, when the Victoria Police arrested me, the handcuffs were way too tight, right? I kept complaining and complaining about that, in the backseat of the cop car, because they were cutting off the circulation to my hands,” I said.
“Eventually, when they took them off, the officer said: ‘you can thank Glen for that’.”
Dr. White’s face was hidden behind his mask, but his brow furrowed. “And who is Glen?”
“Well, I had an illustrator like ten years ago named Glen. And when the guy said that, I took it as a sign that Glen was somehow involved in what I was going through. Like maybe he was the one calling the shots. Maybe he was the one directing the documentary, not Tarantino.”
He nodded again, his scribbles continuing.
“But afterwards I realized that maybe the other cop’s name was Glen, or something like that. There were all kinds of other possibilities for how to interpret that information, and I just made a connection that wasn’t there. The thing is, when I’m manic everything’s a sign or a symbol for something else. All the relevant names pile up, there’s this fuckin’ pattern I can’t figure out. Like God’s made this giant puzzle for me and I just don’t have the right skill set to put it back together again.”
Dr. White’s foot stopped bouncing. “Okay, but how do you feel now? Do you still think it’s true now? Are you being filmed now?”
I paused, then gave him a subtle shake of the head. An inventory of my misbehaviour flashed before my eyes — I’d rammed a traffic cone at the BC Ferries parking lot, I’d pulled donuts by the UVic rez buildings, and finally crashed my car by the Hillside Boston Pizza. With one successfully popped tire, I’d considered my grieving rampage a success and had disappeared into the night with the music still blaring.
I shifted on my chair. “Right now I’m just embarrassed, you know? Like I knew my sister Kathryn’s death was going to knock me off balance, but I figured I’d be stronger than this. Like I already know the truth, so how come I’m falling for the lie?”
“And which lie is that?”
“I’d made up this whole story about Kathryn and I being secret agents. We were investigating drug cartels, breaking up child prostitution rings, just kicking down doors and taking names. We were a team. Me and her. And I wanted that shit to be true so badly that I convinced myself it was, because otherwise she was just dead. Just normal old dead.”
Dr. White nodded sympathetically, then let the silence linger. “So how do you address that?”
I leaned back in my chair and ran my fingers through my hair. I’d needed a cut for weeks, because it was getting long like Samson’s. I was looking more and more like my younger sister Barb, the one member of my family who was still devoutly religious. In the past three weeks I’d been institutionalized twice and arrested once — at one point even kicking down a hotel room door because I was paranoid that Celista was in danger. I was going absolutely berserk with grief, convinced that Kathryn was dancing with me.
“I don’t get it. Like how could I be so dumb to fall for this shit? This isn’t how ordinary people grieve, you know? I crashed my car and then picked a fight with a posse of cops. Who does that? I’m just fucking ridiculing myself for being such an idiot, you know?”
Dr. White stopped writing. He paused for a long moment. “I hear what you’re saying, Will, but I want to caution you. It may very well be that you were experiencing delusions, and that you believed them, but we don’t understand how or why that happens. The brain is still largely a mystery to us,” he said.
“Would you ridicule yourself for having a seizure on the floor? Would you point and laugh and say: ‘look at how stupid I am, writhing around on the floor?’“
I took a deep breath. He was right.
Putting aside his clipboard, my doctor leaned forward in his seat. Over the course of our initial meetings he’d shared that he’d been hospitalized twice over the course of the last year, so he empathized with how cloistered I felt under the COVID-19 conditions. I hadn’t been outside for nearly two weeks.
“I’ve been around for a while, Will, and I’ve seen a lot of things. As a psychiatrist, you come to learn that reality is way more subjective than we think. You learn that maybe our definitions of things are a little more rigid than they should be.”
I nodded. “I think that too.”
“And instead of thinking of this information as humiliating, you should just take it as an opportunity to feel humbled. Do you see the difference there? Humility, not humiliation.”
He picked up his clipboard again, quickly jotted down a few more things, then took me through the rest of the logistics. I was going to be taking some new meds, he was arranging things with my family doctor, and now this was probably the last time I was going to see him. He actually did look like Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad, and not just because of his name. His bald head was pock-marked and age-spotted, and his face was mostly covered by his mask and a plastic shield. He would’ve looked right at home in a meth lab.
If this ever became a movie, maybe we’d call it Breaking Good.
“We’re looking at discharging you tomorrow morning, so you’ll have time to get ready for your move and everything. You’ve made a lot of progress here. Now you need to focus on keeping it together for this new baby. I think you’ll like Duncan.”
I took a deep breath.
“Yeah, I think so too.”
The Literary Goon
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To: @cammieanime
From: @oolb
Hi there! This is for @cammieanime. I just LOVE Seven and Lotus and I’m glad you do too, so I wrote something about the two of them meeting up after the events of the first game. It was really fun to write, so I hope you enjoy!
—
It wasn’t often that she went out, honestly. Raising two daughters by yourself wasn’t an easy feat, even though they were already past 18 and didn’t really need any more raising. Truth be told, the thought of being away from her daughters made her nervous, especially given the events that had transpired only 6 months ago… Hazuki – or Lotus, she’d taken a liking to that despite the bad memories the name was associated with – considered herself to be a strong-minded woman, but there wasn’t a soul in the world that wouldn’t be shaken by the Nonary Game.
Funny. Now that all had passed, the number nine kept on showing up in repeatedly in her life… often she caught herself thinking that maybe the game had never ended and this was just a sick version of the Truman Show.
“Or maybe you’re getting a bit paranoid, mom,” Ennea said as she put the car into park. “You have your cell phone, right? You’ll call if you need me?”
“Eh? Ennea, you’re acting like the mom here.” She laughed and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead. “I love you. Tell Nona I love her too.” And then she grabbed her purse, her coat and jumped out of the car before she could change her mind and ask Ennea to drive her home.
‘Blue Ocean’ was a really fucking stupid name for a bar, Hazuki thought, yet it was her destination nonetheless. What would the ocean be other than blue? Well, maybe green, maybe muddy brown, but still. Something else about the name bothered her, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Still, for such a gaudy name, the Blue Ocean was rather… plain on the inside. Some lopsided fish stared down at her from the wall as she walked in, but that was pretty much all that the Blue Ocean had going for it. Pity. She’d seen fake ships with better décor. Hazuki set herself down by the bar and ordered a pint of beer. On the television screen behind the bar, some soccer match had just started its second half. Perfect. It would be just her, her beer, and two teams she’d never heard of playing for a sport she didn’t care for. If this was what it took to make her feel like a regular person again, Hazuki was all for it.
Yet halfway through her pint of beer… “Well, I didn’t think I’d be running into the demon again so soon.”
Oh, she knew that voice. Hazuki ran her thumb over her rings and gave a little laugh. She stared down at her beer. “I think it’s too early for a reunion, Seven.” Then she gestured loftily to the chair next to her. Not that she thought that Seven was a particularly interesting company, but she was in a good mood.
“Oh, you’re offering me a seat? That’s unexpected.” He shuffled into the seat a little clumsily, a man of his size looking out of place on the dainty bar stool. Seven turned to face her with a grin. Since the last time she’d seen him at the Nonary Game, he’d… changed, somehow. A little bit. It was as if the wrinkles near his eyes became just that much more apparent in the bar’s dim light.
“Good to see you’re wearing regular clothes this time around.” Seven chuckled and smoothed his hair down with a broad hand. He was no longer wearing the beanie and overalls, though his fashion sense still leaned towards “comfortably baggy”.
“I can wear whatever I damn well want,” Hazuki said, sipping her beer. “Plus, belly dancing is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
“I believe ya.” Seven gave her a look. He waved down the bartender and asked for the wine list.
Hazuki nearly spit out her drink. “You’re ordering wine? Really? And I’m the exhibitionist grandma.” For some reason, the thought of a guy like Seven sipping Pinot Noir (Chardonnay? Whatever, who fucking cared about wine anyway) seemed absurd to her. She thought him to be the beer guzzling type.
Clearly, he seemed to think the opposite about her. “Well, I was gonna ask you to join me, but seems you’re all set.” He shrugged. “Don’t diss my wine. Red wine is good for the noggin.” He tapped the side of his head. “If it wasn’t for this thinking machine up here, we would have never gotten out of that confinement room.”
At this, she scoffed. “Please. I was way better at those puzzles than you.”
Seven gave a noncommittal grunt as the bartender slid him the menu. He squinted down at it, lips pursed. He slid his finger down the list and something crossed his expression. “This is gonna sound crazy, but d’you feel like you’re being haunted… by a goddamn number?” He flipped the menu to her. “Nine different types of wine on the list… sometimes I think I’m losing my mind.”
“Ha! You’re not the only one.” She gestured in a conspirational fashion at the television. “Ten minutes ago, number 9 on the red team scored a goal.”
Seven turned to her, a little unnerved. “Really?”
“Tch! I can’t believe you fell for that one.” Seven frowned for a moment but, surprisingly, they shared a moment of laughter. She’d be damned. Laughing with enemy.
“Y’know…” Seven started after ordering a glass of his fancy wine, “I gotta say… I’m sorry I said you looked like a half-naked raisin. I mean, it was true, but I’m still sorry I said it.”
“Nice of you to admit that.”
“Hey, I’m feeling rather generous lately. I guess that’s the side-effect of surviving a Nonary Game. Glad to be alive.” He gave a shrug, which looked a little like a mountain yawning. The man glanced at her, as if trying to gauge something from her expression. “Say, how’s that… how’s that treating ya.”
“How’s what treating me?”
“Y’know… surviving that fucking mess.”
Hazuki lowered her eyes from the television screen. She ran a finger around the mouth of the pint glass, pondering the question. And also pondering how much she wanted to tell Seven. He was still a stranger, after all, despite what they’d been through.
“It’s fine if you don’t wanna talk about it. I get it.” Seven said suddenly. He turned away, drumming his fingers on the counter. “Your kids were in it. You were in it. It must’ve been like living the nightmare all over again. Hell, I don’t even know why you got wrapped up into it… I mean. Junpei, that’s obvious. Aoi too. Those weirdo siblings, they were part of the original mess. And Ace too.” He listed the people off on his fingers. “I mean, the only weird part of the equation is you.” He was practically muttering now, speaking to himself.
Hazuki raised an eyebrow. “Seems like you’ve been thinking a lot about this.”
“I have, actually.” He gave a quick glance over his shoulder and leaned in. “Junpei and I are… Junpei and I have teamed up. Sort of. We just… we just want to get to the bottom of this.” He scratched the stubble on his chin. “I can’t say much, but I feel like… this Nonary Game wasn’t the last of them.”
Hazuki’s stomach sank. “What?”
“I mean, I can’t say much, but… yeah. Just a hunch.”
God. Another Nonary Game. First her daughters, then her. Maybe she should call her mother soon just to make sure everything was okay.
She examined her glass. “I hope I have absolutely nothing to do with the next one.”
Seven laughed. “Hell, I hope so too.”
“Maybe they’ll write us out of the next two games and give only vague hints about our whereabouts and existence.”
Seven’s eyes widened and he scratched his chin. “Uh…”
She shrugged. “That was a joke. Don’t think about it too hard.” The smile faded from her lips and she paused. “You know, I do wanna talk about it. The Nonary Game, I mean. I think I’m ready.”
He waved his hand in a broad, inviting gesture. She took a deep breath:
“It was awful, and I would rather lick this bar’s floor than spend nine hours stuck with those idiots again, but… honestly, part of me… well, I felt closer to my daughters. I mean, I think it was important for me to go through what they had gone through. It sort of—sort of breaks my heart knowing just what they went through, but it killed a mystery that has been haunting me for years. To some degree, I guess.” She pursued her lips. “Closure. I guess that’s the word. Closure.”
Seven nodded slowly. “You know, I can respect that.”
Feeling a bit uncomfortable after that word vomit, Hazuki took a swig from her beer. “Well, respect it or not, that’s what I feel about that crazy bullshit. My two cents. How about you?”
His wine had arrived. Seven swirled it around in the glass before answering, watching the little rivulets of wine slide down the sides. “I just think we’re part of something bigger. Not me or you, specifically, but… What we’ve been through. I don’t think we fully understand it yet. Maybe we never will.”
“I suppose asking you to go more into detail isn’t allowed?”
He grinned. “Heh. Yeah. Sorry, Lotus, you’re pretty, but I ain’t riskin’ my job for you so soon.”
“It’s Hazuki.”
“Hazuki. I remember that.”
She paused. “Is… your real name classified information too?”
Seven laughed at that, a big, booming laugh that had always gotten on her nerves during the Nonary Game. “I s’pose you wouldn’t believe me if I actually said it was Seven, would ya?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Heheh. See?” He grinned. “Told ya.”
Somebody at the other side of the bar suddenly cried out—“Oh!” Both Hazuki and Seven jumped, until they realized the person was reacting to the television screen. Hazuki and Seven swung around to see a goal being scored. By the red team—player number 9.
“Huh.” Seven’s wine glass was raised and he kept it there for a moment, staring at the TV screen. “That’s… that’s… huh.”
“Blue Ocean,” Hazuki said suddenly, her eyes wide.
“What?”
“Blue Ocean. It has nine letters. That’s what was bugging me.”
“Oh.” Seven blinked. “I thought you’d be bothered by—well, I mean, Blue Ocean is a stupid name—“
“Yes! That’s what I said!” Hazuki raised her arms in exasperation. The gold bracelets on her wrist jangled noisily. “Thank you, Elephant Man.”
Seven chuckled at that. He raised his wine glass. “A toast to the Blue Ocean?”
“That’s lame.”
“Uh… to Zero?”
She raised her glass. “To the Funyarinpa?”
“What the hell is a Funyarinpa?”
“You don’t know about the Funyarinpa?” She scoffed. “Ask Junpei later. He knows.” She clinked their glasses together; both of them gave a hearty sip.
Seven leaned back in his seat. He cradled his wine glass, and then let out a huge sigh. “Let’s just hope we’ll never have to deal with any of this bullshit ever again.”
“You know… I can actually agree with you on that.” Hazuki said, nodding. A life without another Nonary Game—they’d paid their dues. They were done.
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Matty’s Interview with The Sunday Times Style
I wish I had a teenage daughter. Why? Because here I am with Matt Healy, the frontman of the 1975, who has just offered to take his shirt off in order to give me a tattoo tour. There’s the one dedicated to his nana; his mum, Denise “Loose Women” Welch, is on his foot; his dad, Tim “Auf Wiedersehen, Pet” Healy, is on his arm; and his brother, Louis, on the back of a calf; there’s the one dedicated to William Burroughs, the author of his favourite ever book, Queer; then there’s the one on the inside of his left wrist… of his passport number. “I got bored of being constantly woken up by a woman offering me a landing card while my tour manager, who always carries my passport, is conked out somewhere behind me. I thought it would be useful. It’s really all I need on a plane.”
Welcome to the world of the 1975, whose second album, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It (yes, really), went straight to No 1 in both America and the UK last year, and who won the best band award at the Brits in February. They have just announced that their third album, Music for Cars, will be out next year, and when we meet they are about to go on tour, kicking off in Mexico and ending in July at Latitude Festival in Suffolk, where they will headline alongside Fleet Foxes and Mumford & Sons. If you’re not familiar with their music — think Pete Doherty mixed with One Direction, maybe — it’s probably because, like me, you’re too old. That said, Mick Jagger, whom the band supported when the Stones played Hyde Park in 2013, is a huge fan — so fond of their hit single Chocolate, he has been known to put it on after dinner for guests.
“Yeah, I remember that gig,” says the 28-year-old Healy, with a faint Northern accent. “It was before I had my eyes lasered and I wasn’t wearing my glasses. Pointless. There were 50,000 people there and I could only see about four of them, but out of the corner of my eye I could just make out this gyrating figure and it was Jagger dancing to Chocolate. Mick Jagger — can you f****** believe it?”
Dressed this afternoon in a billowing silk shirt and tartan drummer-boy trews (“Not sure where they’re from, we rent a lot of stuff from the costume-hire department at the National Theatre”), Healy cuts the perfect figure of postmodern pop star: a kind of hybrid of Adam Ant and Robert Smith of the Cure, but sexier somehow, with those pouchy eyes and chiselled curls. Sprinkled across his fingers are an assortment of knuckle-dusters by Gucci, at his feet a women’s saddle bag, also by Gucci, all part of the vague Louis XV look, as he calls it, that the band are currently channelling. Gucci, McQueen, Loewe — these are some of his favourite labels at the moment. “Although if you are talking a label for life, it’s probably Dries [Van Noten]. He’s my Sir Alex Ferguson of fashion — beaten once or twice in his career, but always the best.” Then there’s his “mate” Erdem, with whom he likes to discuss “Fellini, contemporary dance and the concept of elegance”. Oh yes, Healy likes his fashion, although he admits he’s not mad about going to the actual shows. “They make me realise I’m more famous than I think I am. It’s like, ‘Don’t take pics of me, I’m here to look at the bloody clothes!’ But I’m not sure how you’re going to write that without making me sound like a dickhead.”
The pair of us are sitting in the spotlessly tidy, pine-surfaced kitchen of Healy’s east London townhouse, which he shares with the artist and creative director Sam Burgess-Johnson and Allen Ginsberg, his beloved year-old bull mastiff. Like Healy himself — a sylphy 5ft 8in and 10st who can fit into his girlfriend’s vintage clothes — the house is small and perfectly formed, and it is filled with well-tended spider plants, candles and stuffed birds. The only blot on this exemplary tableau of millennial domesticity is the unmistakable smell. (If you saw the grainy film that emerged the day after the Brits, of him and fellow band member George Daniel sharing a, um, “cigarette” under their table, you will know what I mean.)
“Like the inside of Bob Marley’s sock, right?’ he sighs apologetically. “Yeah, I know I’ve got to be careful here, haven’t I? But, yes, if I’m honest, I do like to smoke.”
Brought up on a farm in Northumberland, before moving to Cheshire at the age of 10, Healy likes to describe his upbringing as middle-class suburban, but obviously that’s not quite accurate. Regular visitors to the family home included his dad’s mates Rick Wakeman, Jeff Lynne of ELO and Mark Knopfler, and there was never any question that Healy, who got his first drum kit when he was only five, was going to do anything other than perform. When his mother was struggling with a dependence on cocaine and alcohol, he wrote a song about it (he proudly tells me that she and her third husband, the painter Lincoln Townley, have been clean and sober for six years; his parents divorced in 2012). Healy has referred to his own struggles with addiction when the band first rose to fame. “But I don’t drink any more, or at least I don’t drink at home. And although I still smoke weed, I consider it a lesser of many evils.”
Healy is a master provocateur: during the band’s Brits performance, lines from the some of their worst reviews flashed up on screen — “Pretentious”, “shallow”, “punch-your-TV obnoxious” and so on — causing some of the audience to think they had been hacked. That’s his role, as the Mick of the band, but not everything he says, and goodness does he have a lot to say, is merely for effect.
In the two hours plus I’m at his house, he treats our interview a little like a therapy session, talking about how he struggles with his “carnal impulses — a beautiful woman, that’s the closest I’ve ever come to divinity”, and how he is all too aware of his messianic influence over a certain demographic, girls between the ages of 13 and 17. Upstairs he has a suitcase full of the gifts he has been showered with on tour: artwork, books, knickers, you name it. One of his most treasured is a rare signed copy of Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood that was pressed into his hands after a gig in Sheffield.
“I wouldn’t accept it until she brought her dad backstage to say it was OK,” he says. “I’m not sure she realised what a find it was. But then look at Mary Shelley, who wrote Frankenstein when she was only 18. The desires of a teenage girl can be as sophisticated as mine, and when they are looking to me as a source of information, that’s a big responsibility. You can see where impostor syndrome sets in.”
Self-aware, in other words, doesn’t describe the half of it. But then, like Stormzy with his depression and Zayn with his anxiety and even Riz Ahmed with his views on Islamophobia, public emoting is part of Healy’s schtick. As he shared in his acceptance speech at the Brits: “In pop music … they tell you to stay in your lane when it comes to talking about social issues — but if you have a platform, don’t do that, please don’t do that.”
“Well, that whole ‘I don’t give a shit’ thing has never really gone far with me,” he says. “It’s why indie is my most hated [music] scene — a scene where you pretend you don’t care in order to not get judged on how bad you are as a musician. But times have moved on. I’m a privileged middle-class kid from Macclesfield. I can’t pretend to be what I’m not.”
Back, please, to his love life. He was rumoured to have dated Taylor Swift, but I can confirm they never even kissed, they “only fancied each other”. At the Brits there was a Lily-Rose Depp lookalike in a silver dress sitting next to him — Gabriella Brooks, an Australian who, yes, is a model, “but not a model model. She’s a chilled-out surfer chick who has never once asked to go out to an event, which is just amazing because I hate those big red-carpet events.” So, is this the future Mrs Matt Healy? Might he, at the tender age of 28, be settling down?
“Oh, bless. I’ve put her through the mill, brought her closer, pushed her away, brought her closer. See, although I know now I don’t need my equal on the intensity spectrum, I enjoy fantasising. What if someone like, say, Rihanna wanted to marry me? Am I shutting myself off from the opportunity of marrying someone like Rihanna?
“Oh, I don’t know,” he says suddenly looking terribly young.“I’m still trying to figure it all out.”
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Chapter 7: Russia
Hello everyone!! This week has been CRAZY emotionally speaking but here is another chapter for you all.
Is one of my favorites chapters and I hope you all love it how much as I do. Remember to leave feedback!
Remember that Anastasia has her own Instagram and you can follow it to know her more and have a few hints about the story.
Anastasia_Truman
Much love to you all! ❤️️
------------------------------------------
Read chapter 6
Rock Werchter festival in Belgium followed and again both bands played in different days but they were lucky enough to meet at the hotel. This time everyone was staying at the same one. Flea planned a night of games in his room and was kind enough to invite Anastasia and the rest of the guys, but Mandy preferred to sleep a little so she skipped the plans.
Sunny, Flea’s daughter, was there waiting for everyone to play. She jumped to hug Anastasia when she walked into the room. Being so close to Chad, Anthony and Flea she knew all of their children.
- So we’ve arranged these pillows on the floor and we will play here – Sunny said showing her the place - You must leave your shoes on the entrance.
- I swear nobody has a serious pair of socks in this tour – Anastasia said looking at everyone’s feet. All the people present wore colorful and pattern socks.
- So we basically kill each other in silence and don’t know who will be alive? – Chad asked
- This is like High School all over again – Anastasia said to Nick.
- High School? – Chad asked.
- Yes! Like when I use play Dungeons and Dragons in High School – Anastasia said – I know. I was kind of nerdy.
- You weren’t a nerd in High School – Chad said laughing
- I say kind of… I was kind of a hot nerd – Anastasia laughed too – But I used to play Dungeons and Dragons and it was FUN!
The game’s name was Werewolf and to play two of the people present had to be werewolves, one a doctor, another a seer and the rest were villagers. Destiny did its magic and Anastasia and Josh ended up being the werewolves. They killed everyone in the village and won the game.
- That’s what I call a good game – Anastasia said leaving Flea’s room. She was walking to the elevator joined by Eric, Nick and Josh.
- Of course. Because you won – Nick said faking a smile.
- I think we – Anastasia pointed Josh and then pointed herself – do a pretty good killer team. See what I did there?
- That was dumb – Eric said while everybody laugh.
- We are good as werewolves – Josh said.
- Well I’m more on the vampire’s side. But yeah – Anastasia answered.
- You guys are playing in Russia? – Josh wanted to know.
- No. Our next gig is at T in the Park in Scotland – Eric answered.
- I miss Russia. I love Moscow – Anastasia said entering the elevator.
- Why don’t you guys come with us? – Josh proposed - There’s plenty of place in the jet!
- That sounds like a plan we shouldn’t miss – Anastasia said.
- Will the others be okay with it? – Nick wanted to know.
- Yeah! They bring everybody all the time and Anastasia is like family to them.
- Well… we are going to Russia then – Eric said.
- Man, we are tough to convince people! – Nick said laughing.
Mandy was delighted by the plan of visiting Russia, “it will be like a mini vacation” she said. The rest of the Chilies were also happy to have them there and their manager took care of hotel reservations and everything else.
- We went from first class to private jets in less than a month – Nick said entering the band’s plane.
- Look at those pants! – Flea said about Anastasia’s jogger pants. They had a stormtrooper pattern.
- I get that entire “kind of nerd” thing now – Chad said joking.
- Man… Russia is not going to have enough vodka for us these days – Mandy said sitting next to Anthony.
- What about our healthier lifestyle? – Anastasia asked.
- Vodka comes from a potato, that’s healthy. Like tequila that comes from a plant, healthy AF – which means “As Fuck”.
- In other news I freaking hate planes, especially small, easy-to-crash planes – Anastasia said.
- How come? Really? – Anthony laughed – Do you have phobia to planes?
- She has phobia of anything she can’t control - Mandy let them know.
- Don’t worry! I’ll make jokes the whole flight so you forget where you are – Chad said taking a seat next to her.
It kind of worked but what really calmed her was Josh, she caught him staring at her on some occasions. She just laughed thinking that it was childish. By the end of the flight he sat next to her.
- You’ve been to Russia before, right? – He asked her.
- Yes, of course – she answered – I kind of lived there for six months because of my mom’s job but I was really young and don’t remember much. I went back a couple of times since then. What about you?
- Yeah I’ve been there a couple of times too. I was thinking since we don’t have to play tomorrow we could wander through the city.
- Sounds good – Anastasia said with enthusiasm.
- But… just the two of us.
- Oh. I see. Well that sounds even better – She saw him smile.
Here she was following Mandy’s advice. Don’t over think the situation. “It’s just a date”, she kept telling to herself.
- It’s just a date, An – Mandy said to her in the hotel room while Anastasia was freaking out.
- Should I wear a dress? – Anastasia asked.
- You use to be so good at this… Of course you should wear a dress. A killer dress!
- I’m going to wear that green wrapped Valentino dress that I brought just in case – The cleavage was a little bit low but both girls agreed that it was fine for a first date.
- With heels!
- No. No heels. These Charlotte Olympia cat flats will work.
- Ok, remember don’t have sex on first date… or do, you are old enough and you need it!
- Mandy stop! – Anastasia laughed.
A jacket, a little bit of makeup and loose hair completed the look. She took the elevator to the hall where Josh was waiting for her. He was in his usual baggy clothes, all black this time, with a red beanie.
- Your shoes are cats? – Josh asked smiling.
- They are cute! – She reproached.
- You look cute - he said blushing Anastasia.
- You too!
- I’m glad you brought flat shoes because I want to walk.
- I can walk miles in heels too, darling.
The both began to walk the streets closer to the hotel. Then they moved a little far. They visited an instrument shop they met on the way, as well as an art gallery. Anastasia realized that, in matters of artistic tastes, she shared many with Josh. Night fell and the two were searching for a place to eat, they stopped in front of a bar that had a sign outside where you could read "vodka tasting".
- Josh! We need to enter. I fucking love vodka – Josh laughed and agreed to enter.
There weren’t a lot of people inside so the two could get a hidden table in a corner. The vodka testing was just that: a variety of vodka flavors and brands for taste.
- I think we should order something to eat- Josh said.
- Wise. All this vodka will cause a disaster if I don’t eat something.
- Do you want a burger?
- Please! With bacon and lots of cheese – Josh smiled - Look at the beautiful piano – There was a red piano at the bar – It would look great on my living room.
- Should we steal it?
- It’s a little big and with this cleavage there is not enough fabric to hide it. You on the other hand… - both shared a laugh looking at Josh baggy clothes.
- You do play piano, right? – Josh asked.
- Piano was the first thing that I learned to play. There was a big one in my London house and every time things got a little bit hard with mom I sat there, play and forgot about everything.
- Did you learn by yourself?
- Yes. My father helped me a little bit though.
- What else do you play?
- After that my father hired a music teacher for me and with him I learned to play violin and cello. Then I moved to LA and I wanted to be a bit more of a rocker so I learned guitar. All strings instruments so it wasn’t that hard.
- What about drums?
- I suck at drums. But as far as I know you are pretty good at them.
- Yes, they were my first instrument. I learned the rest on my own.
- Wow. You surprise me, Klinghoffer.
- Don’t call me that way- he said laughing.
- Why? You don’t like to be called Josh either.
- How do you know that?
- You told me the first time we met. I think it was at Eric’s birthday, around 2011. You told me that you hated your name so I asked you for your initials and you told me “JAK” and that’s how you are saved on my phone – Josh laughed.
- I can’t believe you remember that!
- Do you remember that day?
- I don’t remember much of that day but I do remember meeting you. Everyone was saying that you were Nick Truman’s daughter.
- Oh yeah the most notable aspect about me.
- You were wearing a Dodgers white t-shirt. – Anastasia was bewildered. She couldn’t believe he remembered what she was wearing, especially something as forgettable as a Dodgers t-shirt.
- Yeah I was coming from a game – she said after a short silence.
- What? – He wanted to know.
- Nothing. I just can’t believe that you remembered what I was wearing.
- You know what? I’m going to buy one bottle of the second vodka we drank and go back to the hotel - She agreed.
Josh opened the door of his room. It was one of the VIP suites with a balcony and lots of space.
- Sorry for the mess – he said leaving the bottle at a little table in the living room.
- Don’t worry – she said sitting in a couch.
The two passed the next two hours drinking and talking about everything that came up to their minds. At one moment they decided go to the balcony where they had an incredible view of the city.
- My last time in Moscow was terrible. But I still like this city – Anastasia said.
- Why?
- I came here with Valentine to meet his parents. They hated me.
- How could possibly anyone hate you?
- You’ll be surprised.
- Do you think that if Valentine didn’t cheat on you, you two would still be together? – Josh suddenly dropped. Anastasia assumed that Eric or Anthony told him her history with Valentine.
- So you know the story – He nodded – Even if he hadn’t cheated on me, he was still an asshole so I would’ve eventually realized that Valentine wasn’t the man for me. The Universe took him out of my way for a reason.
Anastasia looked up to Josh and saw him getting closer.
- I probably shouldn’t do this but… - he said before kissing her.
She was pretty sure that the huge amount of vodka on their systems helped to get to that situation. She didn’t reject him, quite the opposite. It was the sweetest kiss she ever received. They separated their lips and looked straight. She looked into his eyes and could see through them, she saw his soul and how pure it was and realized she wanted to live in them as long as she could.
- I think I shouldn’t do this neither but… - she managed to say before jumping into his lips again.
He put his arms around her waist and hers were around his neck. The kisses started to get a little bit intense and they started to walk into the bedroom without separating from each other. They sat on the bed and Josh took his jacket off and then took off the one Anastasia was wearing. She freaked out in that moment and a strong force froze her and she violently separated from him.
- Josh, wait – she said getting up and grabbing her jacket again – I had a great night with you, for real. But I can’t go this far.
- I’m sorry – he said visibly disappointed.
- No! Don’t say sorry. It’s me. I’m stupid.
- You’re not – he got up and hugged her – I’ll wait for you. Until you are ready – He whispered in her ear.
They said goodbye with their eyes and she returned to her room.
The next morning was hard for Anastasia; she didn’t realize how much vodka she had drunk until she had to open her eyes. The headache was killing her. She took a shower, got dressed and went downstairs where her band was having breakfast. She sat on the table and all eyes were on her.
- So… - Mandy wanted to know.
- What? – Anastasia answered knowing what her friend meant – I had a great night – she smiled.
- And? – This time the question came from Eric.
- Josh and I shared a kiss – the biggest smiles appeared on her friends’ faces.
- And? – Nick asked.
- And I ran away.
- WHAT?! – The three said at the same time.
- I freaked out! I froze! I don’t know! I want to cry – but everyone at the table started to laugh – He probably thinks I’m so immature!
- You are!- Mandy said
- You aren’t helping – Anastasia told her friend.
- Don’t worry, I’m sure he understands. Josh is like the most gentleman-type you can find – Eric said.
- So in the end you do want something with him – Nick said laughing.
Anastasia took a deep breath.
- Yes – she said.
Her three friends started to applaud and cheer.
- What are we celebrating? – Anthony said approaching to the table.
- The good things in life – Mandy said lifting her glass with orange juice.
- You are coming to the show tonight right? – Anthony asked.
- Of course Antonio. We came here just to see you – Mandy talked again.
- Antonio sounds so sexy - Anastasia said.
- I know. Nothing like what you really are – Mandy said to Anthony – Just joking! You are the sexiest man in rock and roll. After Trent Reznor, of course. But you are close.
- Please call me Antonio for the rest of your life – Anthony said laughing with sarcasm.
In that moment Anastasia saw Josh walking through the hall of the hotel, Mandy saw him too.
- You should go and tell him something – Mandy said low so only Anastasia could hear her.
- What am I gonna say to him? – Anastasia asked.
- An, don’t act like a child!
Anastasia excused herself and walked to Josh who was already out of the hotel.
- Hi. Good morning. How did you sleep? – She asked him. He turned to her and smiled.
- Great and you? – Josh answered.
- Good. The wakening was hard though!
- I know. I didn’t realize we drank that much.
- Listen, I really wanted to apologize. You must be thinking I’m such a child.
- Don’t say a word. I know how hard it can be to open yourself up to somebody - “Is this man real?” Anastasia thought.
- Really? Well. I did have a great night, for real.
- Me too! Let’s do it again soon.
- Sure! But with less amount of vodka please – they shared a small laugh.
- I got to make a call. See you at the venue?
- Sure!
She went back to the hotel thinking that maybe 1% of men would have reacted as Josh did. She couldn’t stop thinking about those kisses and how they made her feel. Not even one of Valentine’s kisses had caused that reaction on her and that must have been the greatest Universe sign in the world. She sat again with her friends and realized Anthony was gone.
- Listen, don’t say a word to anybody – Anastasia said – I don’t want anyone to know until it becomes something more serious.
- My God! Are you even thinking about taking this into a serious situation? – Mandy said with sarcasm – The world is gonna end today! – Everyone laughed but Eric.
- What’s wrong? – Anastasia wanted to know.
- Just be careful, okay? – he answered
- First you tell me all these things about Josh asking about me and shit and now you’re concerned? – Anastasia said with a hint of anger in her voice.
- No! Just take it easy – he said again.
The concert that night was amazing; it was great for the guys to enjoy a show from the crowd’s perspective, for once. Next stop was Scotland for T in the Park. They flew again with the Chilies in their private jet. Anastasia and Josh sat in different places but they shared a glance once in a while, action that made her blush.
- T in the Park is gonna be great – Anastasia said to Anthony with whom she shared a seat – That’s my territory, it’s Dead Curse territory - Being British, Anastasia always felt comfortable playing in the United Kingdom.
- Yeah you may be headlining but you are going to see how many people are gonna sing along with us – Mandy said seated in front of them.
The girls weren’t far from the truth. Dead Curse had one of the most amazing and energetic sets that they had in a while. Thousands sang along to all of the band’s songs. This time Anthony was standing next to the stage and when Mandy was leaving she said “Try to top that” to him laughing, he smiled and hugged her.
Anastasia had a great surprise waiting for her at the dressing room, a beautiful bouquet made with a lot of different wild flowers, she loved it. She never liked roses so the fact that Josh knew that she preferred wild flowers it was an indicator that he has been investigating about her tastes. The arrangement didn’t have a card so Eric was the one who confirms her that the flowers were from Josh.
As usual the four musicians enjoyed the Red Hot Chili Peppers show. But they were tired so they left to their hotel early. Once there Mandy fell asleep right away, for Anastasia it wasn’t that easy. She heard a couple of knocks on the door and went to answer. Nick and Eric were in the aisle.
- Is Mandy asleep already? – Nick answered and Anastasia nodded – Anyway, we are going for some beers with Josh, wanna join us?
- Sure! Just let me change clothes real fast – she answered.
- Okay, we will wait for you on the hall – Eric said.
She put on some jeans, a pair of black vans and a t-shirt with a D and a H printed in front, it was from Dot Hacker, Eric’s and Josh’s other band, grabbed a jacket, took a final look to her friend to see if she was really asleep and went to the hall. There was Eric and Nick waiting just as they promised but no Josh to be seen.
- Nice t-shirt – Nick said laughing.
- Do you think he is going to think I am trying too hard? – She said worried.
- Is just a t-shirt – Eric said laughing too – anxiety is going to kill you – He said laughing and hugging her in a brotherly way.
- Are we ready? – Josh voice was heard from the back. Anastasia turned fast to look at him.
- I swear I saw a bar near here when we were at the van this morning – Nick said.
- Cool, let’s walk then - Josh said and the four started walking.
The pub was closer than they though and it was crowded but thankfully they found a table in a quiet spot where they could talk with no problems.
- I’m sorry that I missed the set today, but I was backstage with Flea and we could hear the crowd singing along to all the songs – Josh said – Flea felt like a proud parent.
- It was an amazing feeling – Anastasia said.
After a couple of hours they realized they were more tired than they thought so the group left the pub and walked back to the hotel. However, none of them were sleepy so they agreed on going to Nick’s and Eric’s room to watch some Netflix show.
- Man! I love Netflix so much – Anastasia said lying in Nick’s bed – I hate that Netflix and chill thing because for me it really is Netflix and chill, don’t you dare to touch me while I’m watching Netflix – the boys shared a laugh.
After a couple of episodes Anastasia and Josh decided to go to their respective rooms.
- I didn’t know you were this funny – Josh said walking to the elevator.
- I’m not. You’re just saying that – she said smiling
- Funny and beautiful – Josh said entering the elevator – I thought girls like you didn’t exist anymore.
- Don’t forget talented – she said smiling some more – There are plenty of girls like me. Don’t say that.
- I really can’t forget your kisses – he said – I replay them on my mind every day since Russia – Anastasia stood petrified.
- Me neither – she said and started getting closer to him.
They shared a quick kiss before the elevator doors opened on Anastasia’s floor.
- Can I escort you to the door of your room to kiss you some more? – He asked with a half smile on his lips.
- Please do – she said.
They didn’t wait to get to the door, the kissing session started from halfway through the aisle. She felt warm. He kissed her like if he didn’t want to let her go. She felt his hands all over her back and she grabbed his neck with both arms tight. There was passion but also respect in their kisses. He wanted her and she knew it and she wanted him and he knew it.
- By the way – he said after gasping for air – that t-shirt looks amazing on you – both looked to the Dot Hacker t-shirt she was wearing and started to laugh.
- I didn’t thank you for the flowers. I love wild flowers – Anastasia said smiling shyly.
- You don’t have to thank me. You deserve them – Josh before running one of his right thumbs over Anastasia’s lips.
- Have a good night Josh – she said trying to control herself.
- You too – Josh said smiling and leaving to grab the elevator again.
The next morning it was time to say goodbye for a while. The Red Hot Chili Peppers were going to continue their tour in Canada and Japan while Dead Curse was free until Lollapalooza at the end of the month.
It was going to be good for Anastasia, this way she would have a break from Josh and could think everything better even if Mandy kept telling her to stop thinking. She wanted to say goodbye properly so she sneaked to his hotel room but before knocking his door she heard some voices inside, one belonged to Eric and the other one was from Josh, they weren’t screaming but talking loud.
- She is like a sister to me, Josh – Eric said – She was hurt very bad in the past.
- I don’t want anything bad for her, Eric, believe me. She is amazing.
- And what are you going to do about Carrie?
Anastasia felt like her heart stopped beating. “So Carrie was really something”, she thought.
- You know that Carrie is someone to just have fun with – Josh said – I don’t want her for a girlfriend or anything.
- Do you want An to be your girlfriend, then? – Eric asked
- I don’t know yet – Josh answered.
- Yes. Just what I thought. Well you are going to spend all these days without seeing her. Think about it. I’m going to leave; our flight will take off soon. See you in Chicago.
Ana left the place before Eric went out of the room feeling destroyed, she couldn’t believe everything was happening all over again.
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2020
I used to do big, reflective summaries of my year and even tho I am feeling reflective today, I wasn’t able to do that last year and I actually really like the format I went with last year of just listing memz so I’m going wih that. Intention review etc will be in another post. So, my 2020 memories:
Jan
Gearing up to leave a job I hated, packing up my life to move away properly for the first time. Going flat hunting with my mum and my brother and having a literal choice of one
I did Home which I dont really remember so it was probably fine
This was the month the Gallavich wedding aired and gaslit me into believing there was still anything positive about that show/ship. Tbf at the time I was LIVING for it
Cinema kick with Mum including CATS. What a moment.
Feb
Last day at said crappy job (just weird and awks. I didnt really know how to feel) and starting a new one - everyone was so lovely from the off and even tho I was bored at times I was optimistic
Staying with my brother for a few days, him helping me move in which was all very nice.
My flat having no hot water for the first week - I only cried about it once. And me having nothing but an air bed for 3 weeks. Not ideal but grateful to have amenities and furniture by the end of the month
I think this was both kareoke night for one persons birthday and a 90s party for another - both excellent nights
People were talking about COVID by the end of the month but I was like pfft we’ve been here before with swine and bird flu, it’ll be all hyped up then go nowhere
I think I was getting my first allocations by the end of the month which I was grateful for because going from an insane workload to none at all was tricky and I wanted to get going
March
Oh March 2020. How we did not see you coming.
Before the lockdown even happened I remember people were panic buying. I stocked my freezer a bit, not because I was worried but because so many shelves were empty. All the shops starting looking apocalyptic and I was despairing over how silly everyone was being. You couldn’t get online shops anymore and there was no loo roll to be found - still think thats just so dumb. I had to go to 4 different stores to find oats and was so annoyed, weird little tidbit but I remember it.
I remember sitting down on my new furniture - eating a meal I had made, watching John Mulaney and feeling good in my new home - and seeing the Boris announcement. Other countries had already locked down so I had mentioned to my manager that I might have to go home to my Mums if it happened here - she had asked, I didn’t really believe it would. I had arranged for a friend to visit that month and when she cancelled I was like I think everyones being dramatic but okay. Then the 23rd, they announced a lockdown from midnight and I straight away messaged everyone to say I was panicking, asked my manager if I could leave and packed to drive back to Mum’s the next morning. I was in my flat about 6 weeks.
I know for a fact that March felt like the longest month to ever happen but now I cant remember anything else from it - the announcement was so late in the month, I wasn’t working from Mum’s for that long before April. I think we were told to WFH if we could mid-month but I didn’t. Cant for the life of me now think why it felt so long. I know for those last 2 weeks I was refreshing the news constantly to see what was happening. I was still skeptical and thought the numbers were too low for such drama
April
WFH for real. Excruciating daily calls “to check in”. Working my first cases from home, only on the phone, with no idea what I was doing. Taking turns wearing headphone with Mum because we were both having confidential conversations.
Walking my pup to get my alloted hour of exercise. Taking regular breaks to go outside - I think this was when there was a heatwave. Eating lunch outside. Sometimes doing weights or yoga during my lunch break - that part was actually pretty great
Discovering podcasts - especially FDRF. They were the real MVP.
Still constantly checking the news for updates. 3 weeks turned into 6 and so on and so on.
I came back to my flat for one of the long weekends. I had accepted that it was going to be longer then 3 weeks and I needed more stuff. I went for a very hot walk through a ghost town - at the time it still seemed like there were too many people about. Still picnics in the park happening.
Everyone flinching when they say each other and steering well clear. It made you feel tainted even though its what we were suppossed to do.
Clapping for carers - absolute bullshit placating, hated it.
Always being left off the list of keyworkers.
Still feeling like yeah its bad but ?? This cant go on forever
A year of build up to a move then the rug was pulled out from under me, I tried not to complain because others had it so so much worse but it was hard. Is hard.
We watched all of Location, all of Marvel, Bake off etc etc. I cried when Tony Stark died.
I went back through my ENTIRE tumblr. I realised how little had changed really, it was very existential.
May
I had to come back to my new city because I was on a duty rota for 2 weeks. I was actually very excited and had a good time. I got to see people IRL!! Including some I was working with. It was definately a heatwave at that point - we were swealtering in our cars and full PPE but I was so glad to be out and about and back in the city. Putting a face and proper clothes on again was very weird
I dont remember anything else from May specifically. I think March and April lasted 10 years but then May June July were a blink. I think I had accepted how bad everything was by that point, I had stopped looking at the News for updates. I think this is where zoom started to be a thing maybe.
June
Honestly not a clue. I was between My place and Mum’s because of the duty rota. I don’t think I came back FT until end of June. I know things were starting to open up again and it was all moving far too fast - I definately wasnt going to run out to the gym or pub but alot of people were. We were suppossed to go on holiday for a week this month, with my brother and the dogs but obvs that was cancelled - it was such a lovely place as well, shame.
Yoga was still random but I did a weight workout every day this month which was great
July
Turning 25. I was definately back in the city FT, going back into work. My Mum came to stay in my place for the first time. My brother came over too. We went for a walk, had a picnic in the rain then ate cake back at mine. My Mum got me a microwave for my birthday because Im AN ADULT
For my birthday also me and my Mum watched Hamilton for the first time. This then took over my entire life and was played at all hours of the day
Kept going with daily weight workouts, moved up another set. I think this is where I re-did Revolution
August
Ready to start socialising again. More restrictions were being lifted too quickly which I knew but also I had to GTFO
A friend came to stay with me for the weekend. Hes not very mobile so we couldnt do much - went for a short walk into town, sat by the river and got severely sunburned. We went to a restaurant for the first time in 6 months - I had pancakes. I made him watch Hamilton which he did not appreciate enough. Also watched Truman show for the first time while eating burritos - what a mindfuck that movie is I mean really
Went for a very long very hot walk with a friend all around the fields surrounding the city. We stopped for a drink and cake halfway, more drinks were then had in her garden. This was our first time hanging out alone and it was really lovely, we spent much more time together after that. Shes probably who Ive seen the most this year.
A couple of weeks after that we went for bottomless brunch, followed by I think 3 or 4 other bars. The joys of getting day drunk.
I think this was the month I started using friend/dating apps and got OBSESSED. They’re just so silly and judgey and fun, I love it.
My 6 month tenancy ran out which I chose to renew. I started negotiations with my landlord for a pet agreement.
I think this is where I re-did Dedicate. I think weight workouts fell off a little bit because I was pretty busy. Instead of running started doing 3 walks a week which was nice.
September
First time hanging out with more then one person - did a Hamilton viewing party with 4 of us. There were american themed snacks, it was great. Not a boozy night which was needed. I think I then went for coffee with 2 of the girls this month.
First time meeting up with 2 girls I met on an app - I’m still friendly with one, not the other. It was mostly a good time and I’m very proud to have done it but then drunken politics came up and it got AWKWARD.
Nagging and nagging and nagging my landlord until she signed the pet agreement and LET ME GET A CAT
My obsession with apps was replaced with a cat shelter/app obsession. It was very frustrating because I wanted to rescue and they make it very hard so I eventually found a for sale ad and contacted them - it was a rescue though as far as I’m concerned, she was in a horrible situation for an “owner” who had no clue and had only had her for a couple weeks before giving up and putting her up for sale. I rescued her okay. I think it was 3 or 4 weeks after getting agreement that I went to pick her up. So getting everything ready for her was a big part of this month
I did manage to fit in a 5 day holiday. It was suppossed to be solo travel abroad but ended up being a Mon-Fri with family. We did some NT walks it was nice.
Then it was literally that weekend my brother drove me to Wales to pick up my new fur baby. Instantly fell in love obviously and my whole life became about her from that point on. They told me she was really timid and scared, she had been hiding in her current place, but I was so impressed with how curious and confident she is. She was wary at first, a bit flinchy, didnt like being petted with 2 hands, didnt like loud noises, wouldnt come on the bed or sofa, wouldnt come into the living room really. I put child locks on alot of doors but shes not mischivous so its never really been an issue. She loved to play from the get go and did come to me for a fuss from day one. I adore her basically. The first time she jumped on the sofa, sat next me on the bed, slept on my bed, let me stroke her with 2 hands, her first vet trip, every little first and win has always been a massive victory, Im a v proud mama. She was no name for a few days but quickly somehow became my Myshka (the whole long list I had went quickly out the window somehow)
Did some more regular yoga. Tried to do 5 weight workout a week but it was a bit random. Walks fell off because of anxiety over leaving the cat.
October
Alot of WFH to be with the cat. Definately obsessed.
We had our team day on a farm, that was lovely
Saw my friend for Halloween - watched Hocus Pocus for the first time, had cocktails, watched a boring horror movie then Rocky Horror which is just exceptional. Lockdown 2.0 was announced but we were tipsy and over it.
A very stressful month work-wise, lots of deadline, threat of Ofsted, management changes, admin changes, not getting enough sleep because work stress and struggling with productivity. My health suffered a bit too because I didnt have time for lunchtime exercise anymore.
November
Technically there was a lockdown but it felt no different because everyone was still in school and work, I dont think people even tried this time.
The election, refreshing the results constantly. I fully expected a T win and was happy when he didnt but still disappointed at how close it was, as was everyone
I bought my first Christmas tree and my own decs. Christmas shopping obvs.
I downloaded Tiktok and started to question far too much about my identity. its ongoing.
Most important was SUPERNATURAL. I had alot of feelings, it was an absolute rollercoaster my god. What a time to be alive that was.
A couple of outside coffees in the park which is always nice. I went to a new friend’s house for tea and met their dog, also nice.
I did a SV for the first time in a very long time and it reminded me of everything I used to hate about my old job, so happy to have left there
Test weekend taking the cat to stay with the family dogs, she did great, shes a champ
December
Pretty standard Christmas month. Had a christmas movie night with themed snacks and hot chocolate with one friend. Had another friend come for the day to do the same - first time I had seen her in a year after 3 cancellations, that was very lovely
Constant restriction changes and crappy government pissing me off but it didnt affect my plans luckily
All the Tier 2, Face Hands Space signs feeling very dystopian
Brother’s 30th plans got cancelled coz COVID. Back up NYE plans got cancelled got COVID. Actual NYE was fine tho the normal show/song/crowd was cancelled coz of course COVID
OVERALL
Not so good shit
I mean the whole thing in general yknow
Alot of plans couldn’t go ahead - various groups I wanted to join, a new gym, more nights out with more people, more chances to meet new people ETC
My diet has been an inconsistet shit show BUT TFB there were months where you couldnt predict what was going to be on the shelves, you couldnt get orders and the whole world felt so pointless and dark like why even care about that shit yknow
My exercise also wasnt consistent though I dont feel too bad about it. I was always doing something I feel like even if it was just walking
Ive ended the year with the same amount of savings I started with which isnt exactly bad since I moved and furnished a flat and got a new pet but it isnt great
I hate WFH with a burning passion and im worried the world has accepted that as a new normal and im not okay with it
None of this shit is over yknow
Just a general hopelessness is the face of big world things yknow. Theres really nothing we can do about it, just gotta ride that wave and vote when ya can
No travel - I had such plans!!
Good shit
My new fur baby who I love and adore beyond sanity
Starting a good job in a great city with lovely people
Growing so much in confidence because Fuck it, everything is pointless anyway and theres no point in planning or caring so imma just do me
Exploring so much of who I am through new relationships, my own environment, little things like exploring my style, picking up old hobbies, trying new routines and habits
Strengthening some friendships and maintaining others despite the insane obstacles
Maintaining a positive relationship with My Mum in particular, and my whole family
Trying new things in my new city. Still managing nights out, a somewhat proper birthday and a short trip
No actual mental breakdowns which this year feels like a win. My mental health is actually in such a better place then it was this time last year. The job was killing me, thank fuck I got out when I did
I redid more then 1 30 day programs and did 2 straight months of weights
My family, friends and I are all safe and well
Music of the year:
Hamilton
An awful lot of Panic!
Anyone - DL
Partition (idk dont question me)
Basically alot of drama while trying to hold on to both my emo and club days - fuck I miss clubbing yall. I dont even like clubbing.
Media of the year:
I should acknowledge Shameless even though I came full circle on it and have now fully abandoned the whole thing and prefer my own AU where Milkoviches get what they deserve
Schitts Creek
Supernatural
Hamilton obvs
Marvel technically, it was alot of hours
Staged
Derry Girls
Pose
The Old Guard
Pride - which is not new but we watched it on Christmas eve and I cried in my mums lap okay
Ship of the year has to be Destiel I mean standing ovation for that rage inciting moment followed by a solid month of absolute chaotic good, it was glorious in its destruction.
2021 INTENTIONS TO FOLLOW
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Why I don’t wear bras or watch Game of Thrones
If you know anything about me, you know that I do NOT wear a bra. And yes, it’s still for political reasons. But it’s also because I am extremely confident as a person. I have a staggering amount of self esteem and I do not care what people think. I derive self worth from loving myself and learning to appreciate all my quirks and flaws.
The other day, this lady at a coffee shop was like “can I help you?” and I was like, “um, yeah, you can help me by not judging me for my choice of undergarments, okay? I don’t even care, and this is a personal decision. Eyes up here, lady!!!!!” and she was like “huh?” and I was like “this is about MY breasts, okay?” and she was like “what is? did you order already?” and I was like “I ordered a grande cup of self respect, when I came out of the womb, because that’s what every woman deserves, whether or NOT she wears a bra.” She was like “can I help the next person?” and I was like “I will be taking my business elsewhere.” That’s just one example of how I carry myself as a confident person.
I know that not wearing a bra has become trendy as of late, but I actually don’t participate in trends because I think that it’s a sign of insecurity. People who follow trends are just lost souls who haven’t discovered a more authentic means of self-expression. Everyone is all obsessed with Game of Thrones these days, and it begs the question, do they watch it because they like it, or do they like it because it’s good? Just sit on that one for a moment. I personally think that creation is much more important than consumption, because when you’re dead, no one is going to care that you watched all 8 seasons of a tv show, but they will care that you wrote, directed, and starred in 8 seasons of a show that you created entirely by yourself called “Game of Chairs.” This is a show I made last week that is sort of a mashup of Hunger Games and this French tutorial video I was in as a preschooler (you can find this at your local library if you’re interested). Basically what happens is a bunch of kids sing Aloutte while they play musical chairs, and each person who loses musical chairs gets murdered with a chair. But not like an electric chair, since I don’t believe in the death penalty, they just have to sit in an armchair until they die. They can still eat and drink water, but they have to be sitting, and then usually they die of old age. This is a great formula for a tv show because the characters won’t die for another 80 years or so, and the network will have to keep the show running so we can find out how they’re doing in their chairs. It’ll be sort of like Boyhood and also The Truman Show, because people won’t actually know that there’s a life outside of Game of Chairs, and won’t know that they’re being filmed. The pilot episode will actually be sort of a mini documentary where we show how we’ve created people using stem cells and then raised them in a lab for ten years until they’re old enough to play Game of Chairs. This may be ethically suspect, but we’re living in an age of amorality, and the ends justify the means. In this case, the ends consist of qualitative sociological research on what happens when someone sits in a chair for a long time.
Anyways, that’s just another example of me marching to the beat of my own drum. A lot of people think my ideas are impractical or hazardous to the human race, but I say “anyone can whistle!” I actually cannot whistle, although I tried to teach myself, but I developed an alternative, which is to play the tuba. I do it absentmindedly as I’m cooking dinner, taking the shower, or browsing in the grocery store. There’s a solution to every problem if you’re innovative and don’t care what people think. The greatest minds didn’t care what people thought of them. One might say that Stalin or Mussolini had some wacky ideas, but no one will deny that they were dancing to the tune of their own tuba. That’s an expression I just came up with and if you’re clever you might notice that it harkens back to the expression I used at the beginning of this paragraph, as well as my reference to tuba playing. Sometimes I like to just have fun with language. I should employ my wits for play as well as work! All play and work makes dull Sally a girl. This is an old expression that people used to say in reference to traditional gender roles, which I think says a lot about our culture. I didn’t major in cultural studies, but I am kind of an autodidact and a self-ascribed expert in the field, and I just think it’s really fun to use my brain and think about things.
That’s one reason I’m confident; I’m extraordinarily intelligent. And I don’t use that term lightly. Although I’m also breathtakingly beautiful, I pride myself on my brain rather than my body, although technically the brain is part of the body. Try to wrap your head around that! I believe in natural beauty, which is why I hate anyone who wears makeup or is conventionally attractive, although I also love them, because cultivating confidence and self love has taught me how to love everyone because I pity them. This is also why I do not wear a bra or other forms of clothing. If you’ve kept up with my writing, you may know that I live in a self-ascribed nudist colony consisting of myself. I think expanding the definition of words such as “colony” is important, because words don’t really mean anything. I know that from studying Wittgenstein in my spare time because I am an autodidact. Ultimately, nothing means anything.
Stay posted for some other fun tips about self love and developing a sense of purpose through meal prepping.
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Freakonomics Radio Live: “Jesus Could Have Been a Pigeon.”
Angela Duckworth and Stephen Dubner test a memory athlete’s skills. (Photo: Lucy Sutton)
Our co-host is Grit author Angela Duckworth, and we learn fascinating, Freakonomical facts from a parade of guests. For instance: what we all get wrong about Darwin; what an iPod has in common with the “hell ant”; and how a “memory athlete” memorizes a deck of cards. Mike Maughan is our real-time fact-checker.
Listen and subscribe to our podcast at Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or elsewhere. Below is an edited transcript of the episode.
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As you know, Freakonomics Radio is primarily an interview show, based on extensive research, in which we explore various issues, often quite complicated ones, in some depth. But we need a break from that now and again. Don’t you need a break from that now and again? Of course you do. And so, may we present the following episode of Freakonomics Radio Live — not recorded in some somber radio studio, but in a pub, in front of a live audience. It’s a little game show we like to play, called Tell Me Something I Don’t Know. It’s got the same D.N.A. as Freakonomics Radio, but in reverse.
If you’d like to attend a future show or be on a future show, get tickets here. We’ll be in New York on March 8th and 9th, at City Winery; and in May, we’re coming to California: in San Francisco on May 16th at the Nourse Theater, in partnership with KQED; and in Los Angeles on May 18th at the Ace Hotel Theater, in partnership with KCRW.
* * *
Stephen J. DUBNER: Good evening. I’m Stephen Dubner, and this is Freakonomics Radio Live. Tonight we’re at Joe’s Pub in New York City. And joining me as co-host is the University of Pennsylvania psychologist and author of Grit, our good friend, Angela Duckworth.
Angela DUCKWORTH: Hi, Stephen. Hi, everyone.
DUBNER: Hey, Angela. So happy to have you back. Angela, here’s what we know about you so far. We know that you are founder and C.E.O. of the Character Lab.
DUCKWORTH: Correct.
DUBNER: That you are a MacArthur Genius Fellow who has advised the White House, the World Bank, N.F.L. teams, and more.
DUCKWORTH: Previous White House, but yes.
DUBNER: Previous White House. That was the — Truman?
DUCKWORTH: After Truman, before Trump.
DUBNER: Anyway, great to have you back on the show. Please tell us something we don’t yet know about you.
DUCKWORTH: I was born in Cherry Hill, N.J., home to the very first real mall in America.
DUBNER: Were you a mall kid?
DUCKWORTH: I was a total mall kid. Every time I go to a mall with a food court, I feel like I’m home again.
DUBNER: I have always had a theory — I’ve never been able to substantiate it — the secret to success in life is massive consumption of Orange Julius during teenage years.
DUCKWORTH: That is correct.
DUBNER: What did you do at the mall?
DUCKWORTH: Wandered around and around and around until my parents picked me up.
DUBNER: Because you had grit!
DUCKWORTH: Maybe that was the seed of the idea.
DUBNER: Angela, it is so nice to have you here to play Tell Me Something I Don’t Know. Here’s how it’s going to work: Guests will come onstage to tell us some interesting fact or idea, or maybe just a story. You and I can then ask them anything we want. And at the end of the show our live audience will pick a winner. The vote will be based on three simple criteria. No. 1, did the guest tell us something we truly did not know? No. 2, was it worth knowing? And No. 3, was it demonstrably true?
To help with that demonstrably true part, would you please welcome our real-time fact checker, Mike Maughan. Mike is Head of Global Insights at Qualtrics, and he’s a co-founder of 5 for the Fight, a campaign to eradicate cancer. Mike, we know Qualtrics calls itself an “experience-management company” and that you’re always doing interesting research there. What have you learned lately?
Mike MAUGHAN: So we’ve done a series of pain indexes looking at different industries and the experiences that people want. I think the most interesting one is a hotel pain index where we found that a third of guests who frequently stay at five-star hotels have cried because of a bad hotel experience. I think that probably says a lot more about the demanding, fragile, unresilient, non-gritty state of spoiled people than it does about anything else.
DUBNER: All right, then, Mike, it is time to play Tell Me Something I Don’t Know. Would you please welcome our first guest, Colin Jerolmack. So Colin, I understand you are a professor of sociology and environmental studies at N.Y.U., which sounds like an interesting combination. I’m ready, as are Angela Duckworth and Mike Maughan. What do you know, sir, that’s worth knowing, that you think we don’t know.
Colin JEROLMACK: I would like to ask you: what animal is most responsible for inspiring Darwin’s theory of evolution?
DUCKWORTH: Finches.
DUBNER: Well, we’re supposed to say the finches, and you’re going to tell us the finches were not —
JEROLMACK: Everybody thinks it’s the finches. And the thing is, the finches of course were — they have these different beaks. Some are short, some are long, some are curled, some are straight, depending on which island they were on, and they evolved these different beaks to be able to eat the seeds and the fruits that vary by islands. But Darwin didn’t figure that out when he was on the H.M.S. Beagle — he didn’t figure that out till decades later. He thought that these were different birds that were somehow related, but he didn’t think that they were the same species.
DUBNER: So you’re here to tell us that Darwin wasn’t so bright.
JEROLMACK: Well, it took him a couple decades to figure it out.
DUCKWORTH: But there is an animal that did inspire him, right?
JEROLMACK: Yes.
DUCKWORTH: And it is not the big turtle-like things that are not turtles but they look like turtles?
JEROLMACK: No we’ve gotten further away.
DUBNER: Is it a fast animal?
JEROLMACK: I would say medium.
DUBNER: Is it a delicious animal?
JEROLMACK: I’m vegan, so I’d say no.
DUCKWORTH: Is it a bigger-than-a-breadbox animal?
JEROLMACK: No.
DUCKWORTH: Smaller than a breadbox.
DUBNER: Is it a breadbox?
JEROLMACK: No.
DUBNER: Alright, tell us what the animal is.
JEROLMACK: The pigeon. The humble, lowly rock pigeon that we see outside this very studio. So, Darwin kept pigeons for 12 years or more, and he was fascinated by them, because you could breed them. And there were so many different breeds. In Victorian England there was hundreds of different breeds of pigeons. But the idea at the time was that all these different breeds came from multiple species. So he bred them and wanted to figure out how plastic they were, and over generations he discovered that if you mix them all together, you get the same pigeon that was walking around on the street. He thought these must have all come from the same species, not multiple species.
If some of you may remember, if you actually read The Origin of Species, this is why he spends the first 70-plus pages on pigeons. And he gently guides you through all the variation, all the different breeds, how tall you can make them, how fat or small you can make them. And then he hits you with the bombshell and he says, “If I can do this breeding pigeons in just a couple of years, imagine what Mother Nature could do over millions or hundreds of millions of years.” And he says Mother Nature is the selecting hand, right? So first he says, “I’m the artificial hand of breeding,” but Mother Nature is the selecting hand.
DUCKWORTH: So why is this amazing fact so unknown? Like, what — finches are just too — they’re sexier than pigeons?
JEROLMACK: Pigeons got a bad rep. Pigeons are — I think if I were to ask people what they think of pigeons, many people say, “I think they’re rats with wings,” or, “I call them rats with wings,” as if they thought of that themselves. But to be honest, I’m not totally sure because I ask my class, “Who’s read The Origin of Species?” and they all put their hands up, and I say, “What are the first 50-70 pages about?” and nobody—
DUCKWORTH: That’s because they didn’t read it
JEROLMACK: I think the real answer to your question is that nobody’s actually read The Origin of Species.
DUCKWORTH: I think that’s probably the answer.
DUBNER: So can you tell us more about how popular pigeons were in Darwin’s day, and to what end? They were used in obviously messengering, but were they used in warfare, and all this kind of stuff?
JEROLMACK: Definitely. So yeah, during the time that Darwin wrote The Origin of Species, there was something of a pigeon craze in Victorian England. People were breeding hundreds of varieties — they had shows like the Westminster Dog Show. And they still have these today actually, they’re just not as popular. The Queen of England kept pigeons, still has a racing pigeon loft today. So everybody had pigeons and was breeding pigeons and making fancy pigeons as ridiculous as the clothes that people were wearing. And actually, when Darwin wrote The Origin of Species and gave it to his editor, the editor said, “Man, this stuff about pigeons is amazing,” and people loved pigeons so much—
DUBNER: “Let’s just make a pigeon book.”
JEROLMACK: That’s what he said. Just get rid of speculative stuff about evolution, and if you make this just about pigeons, it will be a coffee table book. Everybody in England will buy it and it will be a bestseller.
DUBNER: So what you’re really here to tell us is that the publishing industry is exactly the same today as it was then.
JEROLMACK: It hasn’t changed much. That’s right.
DUBNER: When was peak pigeon?
JEROLMACK: Probably around that time, late 1800’s, early 1900’s. So what happened after that is, we used to actually love pigeon crap. We domesticated pigeons 5,000 years ago because their feces was such valuable fertilizer. And then we also realized you can eat them — so squab, if you’ve ever eaten squab, that’s pigeon.
DUCKWORTH: Oh, that’s pigeon. God!
JEROLMACK: And then, as Stephen alluded to, they served as messengers. Genghis Khan sent pigeons throughout his empire to send messages. Also, Reuters was launched on the back of pigeons, on messenger pigeons. But then after the turn of the century, nitrogen fertilizer replaced pigeon feces, chickens replaced pigeons, you could breed them much fatter, much quicker. And obviously we don’t need them for messages anymore, either. So they’ve kind of become, from society’s terms, useless.
DUBNER: If they can do all that stuff — carry messages by having a homing instinct, if nothing else — are we to assume that they’re relatively smart, especially for birds?
JEROLMACK: Yeah, they’re not bird-brained. You’d be surprised. Pigeons pass the mirror test. There’s very few animals that pass the mirror test.
DUCKWORTH: What’s the mirror test?
JEROLMACK: Looking at oneself in a mirror and understanding that they’re looking at themselves.
DUCKWORTH: So walk me through — a pigeon is in front of a mirror. How do you know that the pigeon knows that it is itself?
JEROLMACK: You put the animal to sleep, and you put a red dot on its forehead, and then you notice if it does things to try to get rid of the red dot. Like pecking at it — so the pigeon will peck at the mirror and kind of shuffle about and do things that indicate that—
DUCKWORTH: To get the red dot off of its mirrored image.
JEROLMACK: Yeah. I could tell you some other things that make them rather intelligent. So they can be trained to tell the difference not only between cubist and impressionist paintings, but between a Monet and a Picasso, or if you’re giving them some other Cubist or Impressionist painting, but that is not a Monet or a Picasso.
DUBNER: So, would you call yourself a pigeon advocate?
JEROLMACK: Yes. They got me tenure.
DUCKWORTH: It’s not bad.
DUBNER: Alright. So I don’t expect an honest answer from you on the following question, but: how do you know that the pigeon is actually so smart — as opposed to being the bird that was popular and therefore was trained a lot? Could I take a seagull, could I take a dove, etc.?
JEROLMACK: And do what?
DUBNER: Train it to carry messages.
JEROLMACK: Oh gosh, no. Come on. Are you serious? No way.
DUCKWORTH: Wait, a dove? Isn’t a dove — it’s like a pigeon.
JEROLMACK: So, I’m glad you brought that up, because this actually gets the Stephen’s question about the bad rap that pigeons have.
DUBNER: So a dove is all peace and purity, and a pigeon is a garbage eater.
JEROLMACK: That’s right. And there’s many languages that don’t even have a different word for pigeon and dove, and a lot of — if you’ve ever gone to a wedding or to the Olympics and they release doves, these are white homing pigeons that will leave and fly away and go back to the owner who’s bred them and trained them to fly. I argue that a lot of religious iconography of Jesus as the spirit descending — Jesus could have been a pigeon. We don’t actually know whether that was a pigeon or a dove.
DUBNER: Mike Maughan, fire up your Google. We’re going to need to know if Jesus was indeed a pigeon. Let me ask you this: Why are they the one bird that I know of at least that walk among us in cities?
JEROLMACK: Yes. So first of all, in terms of literally walking, they’re ground feeders. That’s why they walk and they don’t hop — birds that hop mean they feed in bushes or flowers or trees. Pigeons are ground feeders. So pigeons were the first bird to be domesticated, over 5,000 years ago. And as I mentioned, we domesticated them for agriculture, for the fertilizer, and to eat them. But they’ve actually co-evolved with humans — when we moved to cities, we brought pigeons with us. They, at this point, have been living in cities since cities were around.
Today, unfortunately with climate change and urbanization, species basically have two routes: they go extinct or they survive, and the survival route usually means adapting to living amongst people and actually changing your evolutionary trajectory, and pigeons have done that. They are generalist eaters, so they — we leave a lot of garbage around, tons of garbage around for them to eat, and they can pretty much eat almost all of it. And we feed them as well, and because their natural habitat is actually cliffs and rocky ledges, even in terms of walking amongst us — I like to call them pedestrian animals — they literally walk on the sidewalks and sit on benches and ledges because they prefer them to grass, shrubs, or trees. It’s more like their native habitat.
DUBNER: Has anyone ever seen a baby pigeon?
DUCKWORTH: Yes, I have. I saw one growing up on a window ledge in a hotel a few months ago. Why do you ask that question?
DUBNER: Because I’ve never seen a baby pigeon. Tell us a little bit about pigeon family life. Do they — are they monogamous-ish? Honestly here’s what I thought, when I first moved to New York years ago: I would see pigeons all over, but never babies or even adolescents. But I somehow imagined that pigeons would be a couple. I don’t know if they are. And they would — when they were with child, they would go to the ‘burbs and have the kids there and then the adults would come back when they wanted to go to the theater.
DUCKWORTH: Send them to good schools, and they can ride their bikes.
JEROLMACK: That’s an interesting hypothesis. You’re not entirely wrong in terms of they actually do what I think at least many humans aspire to: they mate for life and they’re monogamous. And they’re also pretty good on gender equality. They both sit on the eggs, and they both feed the young. If you’ve ever seen pigeons that appear to be kissing, the male is actually throwing up into the female’s mouth to demonstrate that he can produce the crop milk to feed the babies.
DUBNER: That is sweet.
JEROLMACK: That seals the deal. She’s like, oh yeah.
DUBNER: But what about from birth to adulthood? Where are — why don’t we see the young?
JEROLMACK: It’s kind of hilarious if you get to see it. The mother and the father will sit on the baby until it’s fully grown. So they don’t fledge the nest.
DUBNER: They are like people, actually.
JEROLMACK: Yeah, they don’t fledge until they have gone to college and come back home. I’ll give you a tip if you would really like to find baby pigeons: any time you’re walking pretty much anywhere, but say particularly under an awning, listen for these really high-pitched squeaks, and that’s a baby pigeon. And if you listen and look around, you’ll find them.
DUBNER: Mike Maughan, Colin Jerolmack has been telling us much more about pigeons than I ever thought any of us would want to know, and I personally found much of it fascinating. I believe him because he—
DUCKWORTH: He’s a tenured professor at N.Y.U. He’s like a professor of pigeons.
DUBNER: And also, he’s got khakis and a braided belt, and I there’s something about that that just says verity.
JEROLMACK: I got to thank my wife for that.
DUBNER: So I find no reason to distrust anything he said. But you’re the man with the Google over there.
MAUGHAN: So, a few things — you don’t have your wife to thank for a braided belt. You should be mad at her. No. 2, you said that pigeons were like humans because they’re monogamous and mate for life. That’s not true. Humans don’t do that.
JEROLMACK: Oh I see. I said humans aspire to that.
MAUGHAN: Next, you and Angela were debating which animals are the sexiest. Just a quick warning: don’t Google that on your work computer. So a few things. It’s not very helpful, but a publication called City Lab New York City said that this city is believed to have between 1 and 7 million pigeons. Really great range there, so thank you.
It’s interesting to know that in the past 20 years in China, there’s been an amazing boom in young money, and this self-made billionaire crowd has chosen pigeon racing as their sport of choice. The most expensive champion racing pigeon sold for almost half a million dollars.
Lastly, I just want to say you all know Crocs, the little rubber shoe. So I think it’s important to recognize that pigeons are a lot like Crocs, they’re more functional than they appear, but still super weird to have with you in any situation.
DUBNER: Thank you, Mike, and thank you Colin Jerolmack. Would you please welcome our next guest, Ben Orlin. Hi there, Ben. It says here that you are a math teacher and author of the new book, Math With Bad Drawings, so I’ll assume you’ve got something a little math-y to tell us tonight. The floor is yours.
Ben ORLIN: Yeah, that’s right. My question for you is: who’s likeliest to buy lottery tickets?
DUBNER: Is this another finch-pigeon — we’re supposed to say, “Low-income people who squander too much money on this ridiculous, state-supported racket where they skim 40 percent off the top and then leave you with your shallow winnings to weep in your latte that you’re also buying and shouldn’t be.”
MAUGHAN: Stephen, how do you really feel?
DUCKWORTH: I think the lotteries are evil. Don’t they prey upon people’s lack of numeracy, effectively, right?
DUBNER: The other thing that I don’t like about lotteries, just since we’re getting it out there—
DUCKWORTH: Yeah, do it. Go for it.
DUBNER: —is that if you play the slots, what’s the rake on a slot machine? You’re a math guy.
DUCKWORTH: It’s very small.
DUBNER: Seven percent, maybe?
ORLIN: Yeah, I think it’s in that range.
DUBNER: A parimutuel — you go to a horse track, the track is maybe taking 12, 14 percent.
ORLIN: Yeah, maybe closer to 20, but yeah, in that range.
DUBNER: But the state — what’s the average for state lotteries?
ORLIN: Close to 50 percent — 40 percent or so.
DUBNER: So you’re here to tell us something, however, within this —
DUCKWORTH: Diabolical system —
ORLIN: Yes, so I’m a math teacher, so it’s not my place to decide how the state should cheat people out of their money. But who are they cheating out of their money? It turns out, actually, so the state where the most lottery tickets are bought is Massachusetts, my home state — a lot of very educated, wealthy people in Massachusetts. And it turns out, Gallup did a poll, 2016, so not that long ago, and people making more than $90,000 a year are actually likelier to buy lottery tickets than people making below $36,000 a year.
DUBNER: Do we call 90 and above high income, or we call that middle-high? What do you want to call that?
ORLIN: I’m impressed, I think 90 is pretty good.
DUBNER: You are a math teacher. But you would call 36 pretty good too as a math teacher, would you not?
ORLIN: 36 is below national median.
DUBNER: Okay. So you’re saying more people in that bracket were —
ORLIN: Yeah, that’s right, people who are higher income are actually likelier to play than people who are low income, and similarly, people with bachelor’s degrees are actually likelier to play the lottery than people with no college education.
DUBNER: So you’re saying that this general idea that the lottery is disproportionately popular among lower income is not quite right.
DUCKWORTH: So how many lottery tickets are they buying?
ORLIN: Yeah, that’s a good question. So Gallup doesn’t have data on that. In the same sense also that if someone making $36,000 a year buys a lottery ticket, and someone making $100,000 a year buys a lottery ticket, the person making less has just spent a much larger percentage of their income on lottery tickets. So even if they’re buying the same number, we can still call it a regressive tax.
DUCKWORTH: So wait, let me just make sure I understand. You’re saying that people who make a lot of money buy more tickets per person on average.
ORLIN: They’re more likely to participate, yes. Per person, I’m not sure. But more likely to buy a ticket, at least.
DUCKWORTH: More likely to buy a ticket.
DUBNER: And what share is that? Let’s say 90 and above. Are we talking 30, 60 percent? Where are we?
ORLIN: It is basically about 50 percent, across pretty much every income group.
DUBNER: And then $36,000 and below —
ORLIN: So yeah, we’re looking at 46 percent or so. So it’s not a huge difference. When it comes down to it, about half of people play the lottery.
DUCKWORTH: That itself is — half of people play the lottery?
DUBNER: But play the lottery means what, one ticket in the past 12 months?
ORLIN: Yeah, it’s played in the last year. Although, if you look at Massachusetts, that’s the state where we have sort of the highest spending, it’s about $800 per person per year. So the average person is buying two lottery tickets a day — that’s probably not evenly distributed. I don’t think — I mean I don’t know, unless my wife has been sneaking off and buying way more lottery tickets than I think.
DUCKWORTH: Wait. The average Massachusetts citizen is buying $800 of tickets per year, or the average person who is buying a ticket —
ORLIN: So the total amount spent, if you divide by the number of people in Massachusetts, you get $800 per year. Yeah.
DUCKWORTH: $800 per year!
ORLIN: Yeah.
DUBNER: So let me ask you this. Let’s just pretend that Angela and I have decided that we think playing the lottery is a bad idea.
DUCKWORTH: Let’s pretend.
DUBNER: Let’s just pretend that. But then, let me introduce — let me just say well, let’s say the expected value is very low, relative to what I can do with a dollar, $10, elsewhere. But what about the entertainment utility? Has anyone ever measured that? Do we have any idea?
ORLIN: I mean, the measure of entertainment utility is that people keep doing it and they seem to do it very gladly and in great quantity.
DUCKWORTH: It could be — people could be buying tickets because it’s fun, or they could be buying tickets because they are legit thinking that they are going to win the lottery and that they’re gonna be lucky.
DUBNER: Let’s say this, Mr. Math Teacher. Let’s say that Angela I change our mind. We think, “Hey, we’re going to play the lottery because we think we can win because we know a smart guy named Ben Orlin, who’s a math teacher who’s interested in the lottery, and he can help us not cheat, but cheat.” So what are some things that we could do to increase our chances of winning? For instance, I’ve read that — let’s say you have a pick of numbers that go from zero to 100, that if you pick numbers above 31, let’s say, that at least if you do win, that you’ll have a bigger payout because so many people play their birthdates, for instance. Does that work?
ORLIN: Yeah, this is true. So there are certain numbers, numbers that show up on fortune cookies, or numbers that are birthdates. It’s not a good idea to pick those. Because if you win on that number, you’re going to be sharing with all the other people who had that fortune cookie.
Stephen, you mentioned expected value, which I think — someone who’s taken a probability class or a math class, I think the assumption is, expected value is sort of what you should be looking at. So right now, for example, the Mega Millions just went up to the highest it’s ever been, $1.6 billion right now. Expected value is basically just the long run average — if you are to buy tons and tons and tons of tickets, how much would the average one be worth? So for Mega Millions, there’s only about 300 million possible tickets. It’s worth $1.6 billion. So the average ticket should be worth more than $5, and they only cost $2. So in theory, it sounds like a good idea. The problem is, if you go out and buy a ticket you’re going to just lose your $2.
DUCKWORTH: Why don’t you just buy every possible combination?
ORLIN: Right. So this is very hard to do with Mega Millions. It’s actually happened in 1993, the early days of state lotteries. Virginia — the prize went up all the way to $28 million because no one had won it for a while. There were only 7 million tickets for $1 each. There was actually a syndicate, a group of people in Australia, who said, “Okay, we’ll just buy them all, that’s the easy money right there.” Which sounds like easy money but it’s not that easy to go and buy seven million lottery tickets.
DUCKWORTH: Oh that’s right, because you have to go to so many delis.
ORLIN: So what they did — this team in 1993 placed a lot of big orders with grocery store chains and convenience store chains. But even that didn’t work out that well for them — there’s actually one chain that had to return $600,000 to them for tickets they weren’t able to print. By the time of the drawing, 7 million tickets out there, they had actually purchased 5 million of them. So there was a two-in-seven chance they were going to wind up losing all that money.
DUCKWORTH: Okay, well then what happened?
ORLIN: What happened was, two weeks went by, and the state knew that they’d sold the winning ticket, but no one could find it, because they had 5 million tickets they needed to look through. And then about two weeks later they surfaced and they did win the money. The state lottery commissioner was furious and issued this sort of — like a villain at the end of a heist movie as though he knew he’d been beat but he swore he would never get beat that way again. And actually since then it’s become much harder to do those kind of bulk purchases. Most states have passed laws against that. And if you wanted to try it on Mega Millions right now — if you could do it it’d be great to get all 300 million tickets, but there’s just no feasible way to do it.
DUBNER: Mike Maughan, Ben Orlin is telling us that pretty much a lot of people love to play the lottery, and it’s not what we expect in terms of income. What more can you tell us about that?
MAUGHAN: So, here are a few things that are more likely to happen to you than winning the lottery: giving birth to identical quadruplets. Getting killed by a falling coconut or having a vending machine fall on you. And the kicker, you’re more likely to be elected president of the United States. But we’ve already shown that anyone can do that.
DUBNER: Thank you, Mike, and Ben Orlin, thank you for playing. Would you please welcome to the stage Kate Sicchio. Kate is an assistant professor of dance and kinetic imaging at Virginia Commonwealth University. Kate, why don’t you tell us something we don’t know please.
Kate SICCHIO: Sure. I can tell someone’s emotional state when they’re using their smartphone just by looking at them without seeing what’s on their screen or what they’re reading. How?
DUBNER: By how hard they’re weeping?
SICCHIO: No.
DUCKWORTH: Without looking at their face, and without seeing what’s on their phone?
SICCHIO: Correct.
DUCKWORTH: From their body posture, is it from that?
SICCHIO: Getting there. Yeah.
DUBNER: Does this have to do with what you do professionally?
SICCHIO: Yes.
DUBNER: You are a professor of dance and kinetic imaging — what is kinetic imaging? We’ll start there.
SICCHIO: So kinetic imaging is like media arts
DUBNER: That is a way more impressive word for it. Cause I’ve always thought, media arts, ugh, but kinetic imaging—
SICCHIO: Right, it’s exciting.
DUBNER: So you observe their movements, and because you’re a dance professor you can tell how they’re feeling?
SICCHIO: Yeah.
DUBNER: Oh, okay. Bingo.
SICCHIO: So in choreography, we have different tools of analysis. And in particular there’s this thing called the Laban Effort Graph. And what it does is, it allows you to look at movement in three different categories. One is time: is the movement sudden or sustained? One is space: is the movement direct or indirect? And another is force: is it strong or light? And when you combine these three things you start to get gestures — so a strong, sudden, direct movement is a punch. Right?
DUBNER: So when I punch my phone, you know I’m feeling —
SICCHIO: I know you’re angry.
DUBNER: I wouldn’t have figured that out without my kinetic imaging degree.
DUCKWORTH: But that’s the thing. Like with the phone, I mean, how much range is there when people are on their phone?
SICCHIO: Right. So one of the things we do a lot on our phone is, we do things like mindless surfing. Well, that gesture is what we call a flick. So it’s indirect and light and sudden, right? And that means that yeah, you’re not really being conscientious, you’re not paying that much attention, you might be bored.
DUCKWORTH: So what does sadness look like on an iPhone, in terms of my using it?
SICCHIO: Usually sadness is like, light, but it’s usually more sustained. Right? And it’s usually indirect.
DUCKWORTH: So not quite a flick.
SICCHIO: Right. Not quite a flick. One of my favorite ones is Tinder. So when we’re using Tinder, we’re doing this really careless gesture. And of course that’s where you meet people to hook up, not someone you’re going to care about in the future.
DUBNER: So do that gesture again, because that’s good for radio. And give me something that’s the opposite of that.
SICCHIO: Right. So another app that I use is one called a Hotel Tonight, and in order to book your hotel —
DUBNER: That sounds not that unlike Tinder to me.
DUCKWORTH: They go together.
SICCHIO: But to book your hotel you have to do a very direct, sustained movement. It’s much more of a commitment to get your hotel room than to find a date. You have to actually trace the shape of a bed on the phone. So it’s this really direct movement that you have to do in order to purchase.
DUBNER: Are there practical applications of this observation?
SICCHIO: Yeah, I think that you could make things more direct and more sustained so people would think about it more. Maybe we want news apps to be more like that, so people are actually careful about what they’re reading and thinking about what they’re digesting in terms of the content.
DUBNER: Mike Maughan, Kate Sicchio is saying that you can tell how people are feeling by looking at how they interact with their phones — true?
MAUGHAN: Yes. So we hear that Tinder is this hookup app, right, because it takes so little effort, and you’re just swiping left and right. Now, that may be true at the beginning of a relationship, but it doesn’t tell us a ton about what it takes to get into a relationship. Because by the time people are able to actually meet and hookup, they will have had to have engaged in some more committed behavior like texting, phone calls, et cetera.
What appears is that it’s not necessarily the results of how much effort someone takes throughout the time to get together, physical or otherwise, but rather it’s how the relationship starts. Something that may indicate what that means for us, The Atlantic has reported that couples who cohabitate before marriage tend to be less satisfied and are more likely to divorce. So the issue with Tinder may not be the human movement overall, but rather what the human movement says about the desire for commitment from the very beginning of the relationship.
DUBNER: Angela, does that make sense to you?
DUCKWORTH: I mean I think that when you say that people who live — maybe I’m taking this personally. But anyway, why would someone who lives together with another person be more likely to — is it divorce, is that the fact?
MAUGHAN: Yes. As a certified non-marriage counselor — I think the idea is that if things start out without a deep level of commitment, then the research shows that we’re less likely to stick to it. You’re the person that studies grit, passion, and perseverance, so I’m not going to fact check you on whether people stick with things or not.
DUCKWORTH: So I’ll just say this: whenever you find a correlation, like people who drink Diet Coke live — like, you have to worry as a scientist that like, lots of things are correlated with the decision to live together, and those may be the things that are driving the marriage statistics also. So what we really need is an experiment where half the people get assigned to live together before they get married —
DUBNER: Let’s do this half of the room.
DUCKWORTH: Right. And then we’ll know.
MAUGHAN: Speaking of spurious correlation, though, I do think it’s important to note that the number of people who die becoming tangled in bedsheets almost perfectly correlates with per capita cheese consumption.
DUBNER: Mike, thank you so much for that, and Kate, thank you for playing Tell Me Something I Don’t Know.
* * *
DUBNER: Before we get back to the game, we have got some FREAK-quently asked questions for Angela Duckworth. You ready to go?
DUCKWORTH: I’m ready to go.
DUBNER: You are best known for having written the book Grit. The Philadelphia Flyers of the National Hockey League have a new mascot called Gritty. Was that your doing?
DUCKWORTH: Okay, that was 100 percent not my idea. It’s awful. Have you seen it?
DUBNER: It’s like an orange alien.
DUCKWORTH: No, I had nothing to do with it.
DUBNER: Do you know if the people who invented and named Gritty are fans of yours?
DUCKWORTH: I do not. They have not been in touch.
DUBNER: Do you think it’s a dereliction-of-royalty issue for which they have not been in touch?
DUCKWORTH: I am not suing the Philadelphia Flyers for their use of the word gritty because I don’t think I — can you own a word? I don’t think you can own a word, can you? Do you own Freakonomics?
DUBNER: I do own Freakonomics. Angela, I know you’re working on a new podcast about the work of the Character Lab, which advances the science and practice of character development. Why a podcast?
DUCKWORTH: So I think it’s the case that people like these things that they’re listening to where they get to actually talk to people like Stephen Dubner, and I thought, maybe there are a lot of parents out there and teachers who would like to talk to me about the science of how kids grow up to thrive.
DUBNER: And lastly, a family grit question: Can you give an example of something particularly un-gritty that someone in your family has done?
DUCKWORTH: Well, okay, a certain person would like throw themselves into various projects like metal detecting and then like stamp collecting, and then vending machines, and weight lifting, and like one thing after the other. And when you do that, then you’re not being gritty.
DUBNER: I didn’t know vending machine was a hobby.
DUCKWORTH: It can be. Short lived, it turns out, in this case.
DUBNER: Angela Duckworth, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. It is time now to get back to our game. Would you please welcome our next guest, Philip Barden. Philip is a professor of evolutionary biology at the New Jersey Institute of Technology, as well as a research associate at the American Museum of Natural History. So that sounds very promising. What do you have for us, Philip?
Philip BARDEN: So, what does a hell ant and an iPod have in common?
DUBNER: May we in turn ask you what the hell is a hell ant?
BARDEN: Yeah, well, that’s a whole — okay, so that’s a decent question. So I work on fossil ants. That’s my niche. This is about as myopic as you might think you could get. Turns out there are as many fossil ant species as there are fossil dinosaur species.
DUCKWORTH: If that helps.
BARDEN: And among the oldest fossils that we know about, about 100 million years old, trapped in amber, are these ants called hell ants. And they have all these bizarre adaptations that we don’t see in any modern ants and in fact no modern insect. So what we see is these big scythe-like mandibles that jut out of the face and come up towards the forehead.
DUBNER: A mandible is a jaw?
BARDEN: The jaw, yeah, exactly, the jaw, the mouthparts. Modern ants have mouthparts that articulate horizontally. So if you take your arms and you kind of go to hug somebody, it’s sort of like that. This would be if you took and put your elbows together and you kind of went to jut yourself in the forehead with the tips of your fingers. Those are hell ants, right? Hell ants, it turns out, Dlussky, who’s this Russian paleo entomologist, named the genus for the first time in the 90’s, Haidomyrmex — haido meaning Hades, and myrmex, which is Greek for ant. And the common name is hell ants.
DUCKWORTH: Why hell ants? Other than, it was good branding.
BARDEN: It was just real spooky cool, just badass thing to name an ant.
DUCKWORTH: Oh, it was branding. It was just a badass name for a species of ant.
BARDEN: Exactly. Yeah, hado-myrmex, it just sounds — really truly, I mean, there are 13,000 species of modern ants, and this is the — it sort of breaks the mold.
DUBNER: And your question was what do a hell ant and an iPod—
BARDEN: —have in common. I should say one other thing, which is that there are some hell ants that also have horns that come out of their forehead. We named one last year — we named it after Vlad the Impaler. And the reason is this: we C.T. scanned it, we looked through X-ray imaging, and found that these ants actually looked like they sequester metals into the middle of this paddle. What we think is happening is to prevent themselves from running themselves through their own forehead, they’re actually capturing prey and puncturing them and drinking their hemolymph, which is insect blood. So that’s why we named it after Vlad the Impaler.
DUBNER: Were they the size roughly of modern ants?
BARDEN: They were about a centimeter — so like your pinky.
DUBNER: So how is it possible that an ant that tough didn’t make it?
BARDEN: Well this gets into the thing — I’ll just give it to you.
DUBNER: Give it to me.
BARDEN: So, one of the reasons why we think that hell ants went extinct is potentially because — and they are extinct, and all their close relatives are extinct — because they are too specialized. They effectively painted themselves into a corner. some of the evidence that we have strongly suggests that they specialized on prey that also went extinct. This is an interesting thing in evolution, right, where we get into these scenarios where your adaptations work really, really well until all of a sudden the bottom drops out and they don’t. And they actually persisted for about 21 million years. We know about them from amber in Myanmar, France, and Canada.
DUBNER: So what they have in common with the iPod is, they were too specialized and we don’t need them anymore.
BARDEN: Perfect, nobody buys iPods anymore.
DUBNER: Okay, so they’re a species that went extinct because, you’re arguing, of overspecialization, they were tough. There were certain prey that they could beat up, but otherwise they weren’t whatever, good enough to go on. But what about — aren’t there like — what good is the platypus for? Is that not a specialized thing and why is it still around?
BARDEN: Well, so anything that is around today, it’s working, right? We always think about evolution as being this sort of game of winners and being the best or whatever, and it’s really just the best in that moment in time, in that particular slice. Right? So everything, including humans today. Right? If you put two humans two billion years ago, there is no oxygen in the atmosphere, game over, it’s hard. And in fact something like oxygen turns out to be another thing that sort of changed the game. So the earliest life on our planet — oxygen was catastrophic for it. There was no oxygen in the atmosphere. And then we start to get photosynthesis. All of a sudden having that adaptation of being anaerobic, that is, surviving without oxygen, becomes really terrible. And now we have this big massive extinction event because of something like oxygen. Now of course we all love oxygen. But it turns out that wasn’t really the case in the beginning.
DUCKWORTH: So let me ask you a human-centric question.
BARDEN: I don’t think about humans.
DUCKWORTH: So are we over-specialized or are humans the opposite? Because we can learn anything.
BARDEN: Humans are incredible generalists. This is one of the reasons why we are highly, highly successful. And in fact — I’m just gonna bring it back to ants. And the reason why I bring it back to ants is because they are —
DUCKWORTH: Because you study ants.
BARDEN: Because I study ants, and they are my comfort zone. But really, they are tremendously successful, and in many places they outweigh the biomass of all vertebrates, including humans, in some environments. And the most successful ants are also generalists, right, so they can capitalize all kinds of resources. They don’t rely just on one particular food source. And humans are very much the same way, although we have some other kind of funny things going on, this culture thing. And the ability to rapidly pivot.
DUBNER: Aren’t modern ants said to be quite social?
BARDEN: They are, they’re all eusocial, exactly. Yes.
DUBNER: And do you think that part of the hell ant’s problem was a lack of some kind of socialization?
BARDEN: This is a great question. So, we thought about this. We really thought that maybe it was that the earliest ants really weren’t social, and they were actually out-competed by their highly communistic counterparts who are alive today. And in fact, what we’ve found is that that’s not the case — the earliest ants, including hell ants, are highly social. There’s no such thing as a solitary ant. All 13,000 species today and all 700 fossil species so far as we know all were social. So, for example, if you look at all the different amber deposits in Earth history, starting at 100 million years ago, ants never make up more than one percent of all insects in amber, and yet we find many aggregations of them together. We calculated on the back of a napkin — we’re not mathematicians — but we figure that it’s something like one in a trillion. The idea of finding 20 worker ants in one piece, when you have less than one percent abundance.
DUBNER: Are high or low income ants more likely to buy lottery tickets?
BARDEN: There should be an ant lotto.
DUBNER: Let me ask you this. Will science and technology allow you to bring back the hell ant? And if so, whose picnic would you send it to?
BARDEN: Oh, this is a great question. So, not biologically, no. But, in fact, where I am now, we have some great industrial design students — we have C.T. scanned these and we’re now modeling them, we’re digitally bringing them back to life to figure out how the mechanics of these would work.
DUCKWORTH: That is cool.
BARDEN: Yeah, this is a great tee-up, by the way, for N.J.I.T., where I work now, and I do not have tenure, and I’d like to have tenure. And we’re also printing and constructing giant molds that are motorized, so we can use these for outreach, we’re taking them to schools and museums, potentially for museum exhibits also, because we really don’t think about insects as part of the fossil record, but they are. Today, 75 percent of all species that exist are insects.
DUBNER: Mike Maughan, Philip Barden has been telling us about the extinct hell ant. What do you have to add?
MAUGHAN: So I think a lot of people here misunderstood — when you say hell ant, we all think about our aunt from hell who is always trying to set us up.
DUCKWORTH: That’s just your aunt from hell.
MAUGHAN: So ants have lost a lot of things over the years — they lost the Impaler. They don’t have lungs, they don’t have ears, they can’t swim. They do have two stomachs. It’s interesting to see though that ants have lost a number of things, we as a culture of lost many things, some good, some bad, we’ve lost answering machines, pagers, Velcro wallets. We no longer have decent politicians. We’ve lost MySpace, which was a terrible tragedy. And if you haven’t yet lost Nickelback, do yourself a favor.
DUBNER: Thank you Mike. And Philip Barden, thank you so much for playing Tell Me Something I Don’t Know. Would you please welcome our final guest of the evening, Livan Grijalva. Livan works in data analytics here in New York. He is a memory athlete, and currently holds the title of fifth best memory in the United States. I would like to apologize to our audience that we could only get the fifth-best memory athlete in America. But Livan, that sounds awesome and I can’t wait to hear what you have to tell us, so the floor is yours.
GRIJALVA: So, have you ever been sitting in your living room on the couch and you remember that you need to get something from the kitchen? You get up, you walk to the kitchen, and as soon as you get there, you just completely forget what it is. So my question is, why does walking from one room to another cause you to forget?
DUCKWORTH: Because you are — like place memory, right? You are activating the memory representation in one place and that has all these cues, and then you go to another place and those cues are absent?
GRIJALVA: That’s basically it. So it’s something called the doorway effect.
DUCKWORTH: Sorry, I’m a psychology professor.
DUBNER: No, that’s really good.
GRIJALVA: What happens is, when you’re sitting on your couch, you are thinking of something and you inadvertently, maybe you’re looking at the T.V. or you’re looking at the shelf and that idea somehow gets tethered to that location. So as soon as you walk to the next room, when you’re no longer looking at that, you seem to have forgotten what that is. And what happens is, as soon as you sit back down on your couch, it just comes right back to you, which is actually what memory athletes do in a way. We use a technique called the Memory Palace, where we place information that we want to memorize in specific locations in different rooms, and then we’re able to recall them later on like that.
DUBNER: And you said it’s called the doorway effect?
GRIJALVA: The doorway effect.
DUBNER: Meaning you pass through and you lose it. Hey, can I just ask you, my thought before Angela figured it right out was, I thought of something I think it was Arthur Conan Doyle once said about how the memory is like an attic, and if you fill it up with junk, then when you have something valuable to put in it, you don’t have room. And what it made me think of is, if you walk into another room, you’re just hit with all the new stimuli there, and they somehow hurt your being able to summon the memory because there’s only so much RAM that we all have going on. That’s not an issue?
GRIJALVA: Actually, I love Sherlock Holmes, so I know that quote really well, and what I thought was really interesting was that he’s saying that your brain has a limited amount of space, which believe it or not, I mean, as far as these memory athletes are concerned, we can pretty much memorize large, large amounts of information. I don’t think anybody — if there’s any scientific studies that show that there is a limit — like, this person has hit the limit of it all they can memorize. So, while it’s sort of true, I don’t know if that’s exactly it.
DUBNER: Just a side observation: you say the phrase “memory athlete” as if we think that is athletic.
DUCKWORTH: Takes training, right? Takes practice.
DUBNER: I’m not saying it’s not, but I’m curious, was that said originally in jest and it got real?
GRIJALVA: No, that’s a very good question. Mnemonist is another name for it, but I guess, yeah, we just call ourselves memory athletes or mental athletes.
DUCKWORTH: So I want to know more about this thing that you do — so can you give me some examples of things that you’ve memorized or competitions that you’ve been in?
GRIJALVA: Sure. So there’s lots of competitions all over the world every year. And basically people like myself get together and they try to memorize as much information in the shortest amount of time possible. So some of the events are, let’s say, memorizing hundreds of random digits, binary digits, names and faces, abstract images, lines of poetry. And one of my particularly favorite events is basically memorizing the order of a shuffled deck of cards in under five minutes if possible. So it’s basically after all these events, scores are tallied up and then you get a champion.
DUBNER: So you’re obviously very good at this. I’m curious, do your fellow competitors — do you all pretty much use the same methods?
GRIJALVA: They pretty much do. As I was mentioning before, the memory palace is the main technique that we use, which is an ancient Greek technique where you basically construct places in your mind. So at a smaller level, you might imagine your apartment as a memory palace. You might imagine your front door as a location No. 1, and you walk through and your living room would be location No. 2. Your kitchen could be location No. 3, the bathroom No. 4, and finally your bedroom, No. 5. So what you’ve done is, you’ve created a mini journey that you can close your eyes and walk through it. So on a much larger scale, this is what memory athletes do. We just have hundreds and hundreds of palaces and different ones, yeah.
DUCKWORTH: Are they real, or are they imagined palaces?
GRIJALVA: So they can be either one. I tend to like to use real locations. I just came back from Ecuador. So on my trip, I tried to stop in a few different museums and stuff like that and try to build memory palaces along the way. But I also used to play a lot of video games, first-person shooters, so I would actually take the environments in the game and also turn those into memory palaces. Basically anything that you can imagine yourself in. It’s so much easier though if it’s real places — like humans are really good at navigation. So it’s pretty easy to build palaces wherever you go.
DUBNER: So you actually go to new places in order to create memory palaces from them afterwards, yes?
GRIJALVA: Yeah. And usually I will take notes or take photographs of different places. It makes it so much fun too, because you could actually close your eyes and be in these places. A lot of times when I’m memorizing in competitions, it’s so strange but also really relaxing to be able to walk through all these places in your mind.
DUCKWORTH: So why do you do this? I actually admire this. Very gritty. But what do you get out of it? And do you think you’ll still be doing this 10 or 20 years from now?
GRIJALVA: So I originally was a magician, so I would do a lot of stuff with cards. And obviously as magicians we pretend to memorize a deck of cards to do tricks, but then I found out people were actually memorizing them, and I thought to myself, “Well, as a magician, as somebody who loves cards, I have to be able to do this.” So I started training myself to just do that. But it turned out it was so much fun to actually be able to do this. Just being able to achieve faster speeds. The first time I ever memorized a deck of cards for a magic trick, it took me three hours. Now it takes me 32 seconds. I mean, the sheer amount that you can cut down is just so interesting. And even four years into competing, I’m still finding that there’s things about the brain and how memory works that I didn’t know before.
DUBNER: Can you just give us an example of, let’s say, a deck of cards memorizing. And obviously you don’t have them — or do you have a deck of cards on you, by chance?
GRIJALVA: I do. So I can give an example, because unfortunately, seeing a memory competition is not that exciting. It’s just a bunch of people sitting there with headphones and dead silence as they run through.
DUBNER: So just imagine how exciting it will be to listen to people seeing a memory competition.
GRIJALVA: So basically what it is is, the technique — I already mentioned the memory palace. In my mind I have a location that I’m set to go when I want to memorize. Cards are abstract. It’s hard for you to remember them because they have no real meaning. So what we do is, we turn every card into somebody or into something that’s more meaningful. So in the technique that I use, I’ve turned every card into a person and an action associated with it. So let’s say the 10 of hearts is Homer Simpson.
DUBNER: Because why?
GRIJALVA: So originally — this is the hard part. Building the system requires things — you have to sort of make it up. Like here’s an easy one. So the six of hearts is Michael Jordan, and that one makes sense because Michael Jordan won six championships, and I say he’s got a lot of heart. So it’s very easy for me to memorize that. The ace of spades is James Bond, and I think of the highest card in the deck as being James Bond when he plays poker. So, some of them are easy to associate.
DUBNER: Okay, so each memory athlete creates their own mnemonic for each card. Correct?
GRIJALVA: Yeah. There is a slight variation. So my system, like I was saying, uses two cards. So let’s imagine that — I mentioned that the ace of spades is James Bond and the 10 of hearts is Homer Simpson. So if I was memorizing — if the cards were in that sequence, let’s say ace of spades, 10 of hearts, I would take my first location. Let’s imagine the front door. And I would take the first card, the ace of spades, and imagine James Bond standing at the front door. But the second card is the 10 of hearts, Homer Simpson. But it also gets confusing because later on, when I’m remembering it, I’m like wait a minute. Was it James Bond and Homer Simpson, or Homer Simpson and James Bond? So what we do is, we modify the technique to create a hierarchy. So the first card is the person. The second card would be an action. So it would be James Bond drooling, which is an action that Homer Simpson does. So if it was the other way around, if was 10 of hearts, ace of spades, it would be Homer Simpson drinking a martini.
DUBNER: And you do all that for 52 cards in how many seconds?
GRIJALVA: So my current competition best is 34 seconds. My personal best is 32 seconds.
DUBNER: What do you think you can do right now?
GRIJALVA: I’m not sure, I’m a little bit out of practice.
DUBNER: Do we shuffle them?
DUCKWORTH: I feel like we should shuffle them.
GRIJALVA: So we’ll do about half the deck, only because regurgitating 52 cards might be a little boring. I’m going to try to go through a few of them and see what we get.
DUBNER: Angela, should we narrate a little bit? It’s very dramatic. There’s a man on stage looking at cards.
MAUGHAN: You’re making this so hard for him.
GRIJALVA: So you can verify that I got them right. So first, I’ll say the cards and I’ll say what I’m looking at. So the first card should be the nine of spades, which would be a girl that I know named Lily. The second card should be the seven of spades, which would be a samurai sword. Then it’s the ace of hearts, which is Johann Sebastian Bach, with a nine of diamonds drinking tea, the next card would be the six of diamonds, which is a friend of mine called Six, who is freezing, so it should be the five of hearts. Then it’s Old Boy from the film Old Boys, so it should be the seven of diamonds, followed by the ace of clubs, which is hanging upside down. Then it should be the four of diamonds followed by the six of spades, I believe, then the queen of spades, six of clubs, nine of hearts, five of clubs, eight of hearts, two of hearts, 10 of — Homer Simpson, so it should be the 10 of hearts, doing yoga, which is Queen of Diamonds, followed by Clint Eastwood spray painting, so it should be ace of diamonds, four of hearts, followed by Sharon with sheep. So it’s three of spades, jack of hearts, followed by — this is Reggie Miller doing — so it’s the king of spades. Is he eating spinach? Five of spades? Jack of spades, five of spades. Is that all?
DUBNER: So, that was remarkable. I’ve read about people who do exactly this, and it’s impressive, obviously, when you read it. But that was absolutely remarkable. Thanks for doing it for us.
GRIJALVA: Thank you.
DUCKWORTH: Can I ask you this: which is more important to you, beating the four memory athletes who are ranked higher than you, or beating yourself?
GRIJALVA: I’ve actually — when I first started I didn’t know any of the memory athletes. So I thought to myself, I’m going to come in and I’m going to try to beat everybody. Because at the time, the U.S. wasn’t very well ranked among the world. Like the top countries were, I think, China and Germany. But by coincidence, the same time that I started competing, two other friends of mine — now they’re friends, but two other athletes started competing as well, and they were so, so great that right now the No. 1 guy in the U.S. is also the No. 1 guy in the world. So the U.S. now holds the record for being the best country with a memory athlete as it were.
DUCKWORTH: America is great again.
DUBNER: I have a question for you, Livan. What does this phenomenon, the original phenomenon we were talking about, the doorway effect, or just the way you’ve learned to control memory or to build memory — what does this suggest for people with memory loss? Is there anything clinical-ish, therapeutic-ish that it suggests?
GRIJALVA: Well, that’s kind of interesting because at the same time people make the joke a lot of times that I should never forget anything. And if anybody who knows me, knows that I have a pretty average memory when I don’t pay attention to things. The reality of it is that these techniques are so specialized that this is what I use for a deck of cards. I could practice this for hours and be really, really fast at a deck of cards. It won’t translate to being fast at numbers. I would have to specialize and train just at numbers. I teach a class, and what I try to tell people is basically, you practice these things and when you understand them, you’re able to use them in your day-to-day life. So it’s a really great way to kind of stay in shape, but unfortunately these techniques are very, very specialized for what it is that you want use. There’s no magic key that if you practice this it will improve your general memory.
DUBNER: Mike Maughan, Livan Grijalva has not only showed us how to memorize part of a deck of cards, but told us a lot about memory and memory athletes. Care to tell us if everything checks out?
MAUGHAN: So for years, golfers and cheerleaders have been mocked mercilessly for calling themselves athletes. You’ve just handed them an amazing gift. A couple of substantive things: we learned from Colin Camerer on this podcast a while back that one of the keys to memory is curiosity, because it enhances the encoding process, which is one of the three stages of memory, which are encoding, storage, and recall. So this idea that we’ve talked about of the Doorway Effect happens when we change locations, and therefore remove triggers that help us in the recall stage. So it’s encouraging to know that we’re not crazy when we walk out of a room and forget what we were doing. Interestingly, like all things in life, it turns out that to increase your memory function, you’re supposed to get sleep, exercise, and eat a healthy diet. So in other words, it’s probably not worth doing what it takes to improve your memory.
DUBNER: Mike, thank you. And Livan, thank you so much for playing Tell Me Something I Don’t Know. And can we give one more hand to all our guests tonight? I thought they were fantastic. Thank you. It is time now for our live audience to pick a winner. Tough one, so good tonight. Would you please take out your phones and follow the texting instructions on the screen. So who will it be?
Colin Jerolmack, with “In Praise of Pigeons.”
Ben Orlin, who told us about lottery misperceptions.
Kate Sicchio, using choreography training to spy on people.
Philip Barden, the unfortunately over-specialized hell ant.
Or Livan Grijalva, with memory and the Doorway Effect.
DUBNER: And our grand prize winner tonight — thank you so much for telling us all about pigeons, Colin Jerolmack. To commemorate your victory, we’d like to present you with this Certificate of Impressive Knowledge. It reads, “I, Stephen Dubner, in consultation with Angela Duckworth and Mike Maughan, do hereby vow that Colin Jerolmack told us something that we did not know, for which we are eternally grateful.” That’s our show for tonight. I hope we told you something you didn’t know. Huge thanks to Mike and Angela, to our guests, and thanks especially to you for coming to play “Tell Me Something …
AUDIENCE: I Don’t Know!”
Tell Me Something I Don’t Know and Freakonomics Radio are produced by Stitcher and Dubner Productions. This episode was produced by Alison Craiglow, Harry Huggins, Zack Lapinski, Morgan Levey, Emma Morgenstern, Dan Dzula, and David Herman, who also composed our theme music. The Freakonomics Radio staff also includes Greg Rippin and Alvin Melathe. Thanks to our good friends at Qualtrics, whose online survey software is so helpful in putting on this show, and to Joe’s Pub at the Public Theater for hosting us.
The post Freakonomics Radio Live: “Jesus Could Have Been a Pigeon.” appeared first on Freakonomics.
from Dental Care Tips http://freakonomics.com/podcast/tmsidk-duckworth-2018/
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Thank you , I love your posts, they are so good. 😊😊😊
About the change of patterns, when the color is add in, yeah they are two separates decades, most think the B&W footage its the same , but for what we seen the 50's are the one with the dresses and all B&W and the dinner. The 60's, the sweaters and starts B&W and then Go full color. só two layout of the rooms are going to use the B&W.
I also think that Monica was sent in a recon mission, but do Sword know exactly what is happenning in the simulation to send an agent with the right type of clothes?! Like they are watching like truman's show or receiving information from inside ?! Or the clothes changes in the simulation and the changes become real after the simulation?! This is still my. Big question about this.
The flannel/suspenders is really the 80's house, i think that I expressed myself badly, i wanted to say that the hair and clothes are different from the other 80's look. When the First it's early 80's, the last is late 80's.. I never thought about being a reaction shot tô Agatha , but It really fits. I think the one with the pale yellow furniture is the one from the 90's.
Wandavision Theory
My life experiences were ALL leading to this, using my knowledge in fashion and home decoration I'll make a semi-understanble timeline/Theory .
First, a clearly homage to The Vision and the Scarlet Witch comics, they arriving in a car, The P&B filter, the desses and hats,this is the 50's, I think that this will start in media res, so first episode, arriving, meeting the New neighboors, we don't know what IS happening, they are Just living.
(I'm so excited to see ALL the sitcom actors that they put on this)
Still the 50's, now focus in here in the kitchen's door, the mirror, and the cupboards. Wanda IS the one switching the disguise on/off.
the city is called westview (maybe a reference to The west coast avengers???), Anyway the city is real in the MCU, more in this later.
Here, another stuff, Wanda is using her Power but without the red glow. The bottle is Maison du Mépris, is translate as house of contempt, I'm not really sold in this being a House of M, because Maison du is a common wine name, but The bottle is from 1953.
here a Lot of hints , but still the 50's, whatever that is happening, they have the meta awareness to look at The camera,clothes and hair still ALL 50's. But look at The curtains and the couch.
First change of era , notice Wanda's hair here, in ALL 50's her hairs a small Bob Will a Lot of curls, but now is more loose, The clothes are hard to see but this put in thr end of 50's, start of the 60's.
This is starts of 60's ( really clever to do this transition, when the sitcoms in this start of the era also did go from B&W to Full color, we see Wanda with the Mary Tyler moore hair. The curtains and couch their change their patterns, again with the meta awareness.
My bet we going to start with the 50's ,see The 60's, in this weird space of their noticing the strange things , but still keeping with the charade. Maybe all in The first episode, or two Episodes If their will be interwined with the real world.
Also would be a sweet visual cue if the injection of color would be with their reaching The conclusion of what is happening to them. (My guess, Wanda Will think that she is doing It) but as sitcoms always did, this first conclusion is wrong.
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