#also i was looking at justines general age group to make this and i just realised that if justine and aura ever met

[itsbebebe]

If you had to pair Justine with any character in the AA series, who do you think would be an ideal partner for her?

hmm this ones a tough one. in reality i wouldnt be surprised if she an aroace queen or at least on those spectrums but if i have to...

maybe rhoda teneiro? i think she would be a good partner (in her age group)

A lot of the men her age just either seem not her type or met her in aai2 and they didnt seem to hit it off well. a lot of the women her age are villain characters, dead or dont seem her type.

[derpcakes]

10 Books I Want to Read in 2023

About this time last year I filled out a meme with books I wanted to read in 2022. I can’t find that post, and no one’s tagged me in anything this time around, but I thought it could be fun to post a 2023 update. Feel free to tag me in your own lists!

Sequels: Lost in the Moment and Found (new Wayward Children book! New Wayward Children book!!), A Venom Dark and Sweet (second half of the Book of Tea duology), Heavenly Tyrant (sequel to Iron Widow), Godslayers (sequel to Gearbreakers that I just haven’t gotten around to despite how much I liked the first one. Not to be confused with Godkiller down below. Man, those will look confusing if they end up next to each other in a list…)

Godkiller by Hannah Kaner (coming 2023)

In this world, gods are very real, and our fiery, vengeful heroine makes her living hunting them. She’s all set to take out the God of White Lies when it turns out he’s attached himself to the young daughter of a noble house, who will die if he dies—and vice versa. I don’t know much about this one save for seeing it recommended/highly anticipated by a couple of people I follow. But apparently, its main characters are a traumatised godslaying lady, a former knight who just wants to bake, and a child whose bestie is some sort of trickster god… and that just sounds like a whale of a time even if the setting itself is apparently quite dark.

She is a Haunting by Trang Thanh Tran (coming 2023)

Jade Nguyen goes to stay with her father in Vietnam for the summer and finds herself in a very haunted French colonial manor. I’ve been in the mood for haunted house stories recently (it’s the plot bunnies for a potential new original project, methinks) and this one sounds super interesting for its cultural context and character dynamics.

Bianca Torre is Afraid of Everything by Justine P. Winans (coming 2023)

A teenaged bird nerd accidentally becomes embroiled in a murder mystery while out birdwatching. One for my bibliography of YA with non-binary protagonists, but also just sounds like a fun ride.

Nettleblack by Nat Reeve (already out)

1893: Welsh heiress Henry Nettleblack flees an arranged marriage and disguises herself among a ramshackle group of vigilantes who call themselves the Dallyangle Division. Described as “a neo-Victorian queer farce” and highly recommended by one of my current favourite reviewers. It sounds basically completely different to anything I’ve ever read before and I think will be a light and zany way to expand my literary horizons.

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo (already out)

A story of young love and queer discovery set in San Francisco Chinatown in the 1950s. I’ve had this for ages but The Stars Have Not Been in Position for me to read it. I’d like to get to it this year!

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth (already out)

At the turn of the 20th century, two secret lovers attending a prestigious all-girls school are tragically and bizarrely killed by a swam of wasps. In the modern day, a film crew descends on the school to make a movie dramatizing the events, and find that the place is haunted (literally?) by more than the girls’ memory. I got this one from a generous friend who was clearing out her shelves and it’s been staring at me from my shelf ever since. PBH is a long-term goal since she’s a thiiiiick book. I’m going to try and dip into it across the year. Or maybe I’ll go feral and get through it in a month! Let’s see.

[majaloveschris]

If yes, then who forced them to post? If they are so private, why do they need to post stuff about them being in his house?/

But why not? why not posting a photo of you being in a place ? Or maybe they ARE trolling? Thats not the point; what im saying is theres no media, no publicity; these trolling of them being at their houses isnt being marketed

Its only us who knows, not even ALL of the fandom, but a very specific niche, much less the GP unaware of everything; i dont see the PR in her family hanging out at his houses that only a niche part of the fandom can identify

And im sorrrrrry, i swear im not snapping at you or anyone here, i just cant wrap my head around some povs

Two reasons:

Attention. The general public doesn't really care about them. They are together, okay. They have a 16-year age gap, okay. Their relationship isn't something that has never happened before; maybe it was shocking for a month, and for 2 days after they drop something, but another day, another drama. I think she likes the fact that she is being talked about, just like Justin. Maybe it's only happening on a small part of Tumblr and Twitter, but people still talk about her. About whether she was the one who sent the screenshots of the story to blogs or accounts or who edited it, whether it's an old picture or a newer one, or whether she was at the party.

We are the ones who have been selling this "relationship" since the very beginning. We are the ones who were talking about this whole thing when the GP didn't even know who she was. During the time when they didn't even want to come forward as a "couple", but we still talked about them and there were even articles about them maybe being together, we helped sell the narrative. The GP doesn't care whether Alba and Chris were at Jamie's birthday party or whether Chris and Alba were having dinner with Scarlett, Josh, and Robert. We care about it because we do. And also because the fans are divided; some of them think it's real, and some of them think it's not, and each group is trying to find evidence of its own truth. Most people don't care about them being at parties or at each other's houses, but fans do, and it's needed to sell a relationship, to make it organic and natural, just like a normal relationship, especially in their case when it doesn't seem like they want to do pap walks and public appearances. There are a lot of people who, after watching a story like this, may not have started believing they are real, but it definitely crossed their minds, or they went on fully believing it is. Being at your place and spending time with your family are good options for selling a relationship.

It's not about them posting a picture of being somewhere, but the fact they are constantly using older content and pictures and videos that were taken in his house. Like Alba's and Justin's post for Joana's birthday party. They've been friends for years, and do we really think Alba didn't have another picture of her just like the one that was taken in Chris's hot tub? Or that Justin was forced to post the photo and video of Joana, which were taken in Chris's VT house? The pictures that Ana posted also look old. She was never alone when they created any content, so it's not that surprising that her circle was there too.

I get it. This whole thing can be really confusing sometimes. It's just my opinion, and I could be wrong too, so...😅

[m1ckeyb3rry]

FHE JUSTIN BIEBER GIF CRYINNGGGGGG LAMAOAOAOAOAO im assuming its the sae oaeu cooking rn

LMAOSOA YOUR POST trust I take all of your ramblings as rewards your brain is fr so big all of these fire ideas >>>>> ok but the pokemon au is so good…extraordinary….exquisite….remarkable (if you’ve watched as much pokemon as i have you’ll probably get this but if not just take it at face value) the Barou sibling angst is actually my fav

LMAOO YOUR MOM AND HER BROTHER THATS SO ACCURATE

ISAGIS HAIR I feel bad for his hair and his hair alone they always weirdly slick it back or comb it up and he looks like a middle aged man

IM CRYING “I cry but because I have to deal with his shit” LMFAOOO yuki fr tweaking atp or repeatedly saying his mantra in his head trying to keep his sanity like “god never gives us more than we can handle god never gives up more than we can handle god never-“

LMAAOA NO IT MAKES SENSE my brain just grouped up the letters that way that I had to double take ok so we’ve had kaneshiro possesses Mira moment and we get canon characterization of kiyora it’s time to freaky Friday reverse you should take over kaneshiro and write bllk i fr wish Karasu actually scored more literally my exact thoughts like “ARE YOU A STRIKER???” Channeling my inner ego…..but agreed glad he still at least has SOME presence and is consistently shown active in game

Bro kurona was so random…like with epinagi and s2 you can see them sneakily trying to add him in the bg cameoing to make him feel relevant but he fr was dropped out of nowhere like wdym the one who ranked fourth in second selection who we’ve never even seen a glimpse of and didn’t do anything in u20 is suddenly good friends with Isagi and others and gets field time HUH his first appearance is quite literally in BM when he’s holding the iPad showing Isagi Kunigami new stats (yk it’s bad when I rmr this info off the top of my head) something about the wording “using religion and blindness” has me laughing so hard LMAOOOO it’s giving that one meme “I’ve got the power of god and anime on my side” except it’s god and optic neuropathy UAHSHSHA ok but on a serious note that fr would go so hard like let’s expand on his character please….id honestly love to see more of him as he was shown in the LN because nel yuki is SO diff than what he actually seems to be based off the LN but anyways…

Kunigami being the main rival makes sm sense tbh when I first read I thought he WAS going to be the main rival but no it’s Kaiser ig….wait the morally greyness of wildcard being discussed would fr be so interesting…..guys….also ness is one of my least fav characters tbh so slander him all you want LMAOO gotta agree w some dudebros he’s fr a Kaiser glazer you’re fr cooking though….we gotta get you in touch with kaneshiro asap

LMAO REAL I also (clearly) enjoy bllk quite a bit but yes many things to be improved…sometimes I think to myself if only I was an Isagi Rin or Kaiser stan I’d be having the time of my life but alas we cannot be MEDIOCRE

Wait the terminally ill route fits his character fr….where he’d be unwilling to tell his family about it because he wants to strive to be the best despite it and won’t settle for a comfy life…I can also see him getting murdered though LOL either way I’m sure it’ll be good (even though he’s dying oops)

Yeah I lowk forgot people who have such audacity exist the Tullia hate kinda insane and just generally when people comment “he’s mine [chafacter] better get away from my man” ICK imagine in the tags you just put every reader pairing possible as a jic disclaimer like “reader and Tullia talk to men so beware!”

I always found the rival characters so funny like why are you jumping me when I’m trying to get to the next city no I don’t wanna battle you rn LMAOO it’s funny in how like every version you end up teaming up and double battling the villain team somehow but the way they come and go was always so funny to me

When you first said may I thought you meant May from pokemon but now I realize…anyways love Tullia sooo glad to have her alive!!

LMAOOOO Lowk I had a subconscious thought like galvanthla interesting choice (i personally collected joltiks bc they looked cute LMFAO) Isagi the most basic of basics so an all basic team is perfect for him LOL I mean hey you gotta have an op basic pokemon somewhere right I already consider infernape relatively more niche amongst most popular pokemon too LOL

Otoya using his pokemon as chick magnets is so real LMAOO I wanna analyze the breloom yuki vibe like why does it work so well

Nagi fr got the short end of the stick omg LMAOO ofc it had to be a fire type too for once thank you reo for spoiling him HSHSH

SHSHSBD THATS TOO CUTE I bet chigiri would take sm time grooming and caring for his rapidash too (in line with what we talked about for his hair and skin LOL) sometimes I forget you make money from battling LMAOOO like yeah I just beat your pokemon up now hand me my check

REAL BUT LMAOOO the light blue team never fails for him honestly when in doubt just match the hair color I can definitely see him genuinely having an aurorus and ice types though maybe he’s like (I like them calm and cold unlike my parents) hiori running a fossil pokemon conservation wait id never thought of that that’s also so real….atp this should just be an expanded universe that exists time to world build (on that note imagine Aryu grooms and styles pokemon for coordinators and especially furfrou, I forgot exact which gen you were into pkmn until oops I’ll elaborate if you didn’t get to kalos/xyz)

LMAOOOOO i was already linking up aiku and Brock the moment you brought him in lowk that interaction set up you have is so pkmn verse coded its great

I SECOND THAT if no other inspo comes out lowk pokemon au….guys…..also Noel noa being the actual champion while reos dad just holds the title is actually such an interesting dynamic and would work so well

SHSHS sounds like you’ve got it all down still praying for your safety though all those experiences in one lifetime is crazy

HAHAHA I LOVE THE CHATTER reading the convo responses brings me just as much joy as reading ur actual fics im always down for yap sessions

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO that’s just me irl tbh like i hope that’s what you picture when you think of me 🤩 surprisingly it wasn’t in reference to the oaeu!! someone had just posted that they wished there were more otoya fics because they’ve read all of them already and i was like “just working…working hard to please you” because i am an occasional otoya writer for sure

OMG MR REMARKABLE (i forget if he had an actual name KFNSJSN my brother and i always just called him mr remarkable he’s like that elderly man who has a tv show or smth right??) and HAHA tyyyy 🥹

maybe they do it like that to distinguish him from rin or smth?? idk but it’s specifically only isagi who gets the horrendous hairdos they don’t give ANYONE else that treatment 😭 i fr feel bad for the guy even though idgaf abt him…

bllk karasu’s like “can we switch places” because a universe where otoya’s not as much of a dumbass AND he has the chance to rizz up reader is the universe for him (he def is so pressed that hollyhock karasu never made any moves LMAOOO “wdym you lost her to OTOYA” and hollyhock karasu is like “i never wanted her in the first place 🤔” so bllk karasu is like “WHAT”)

HAHAHA possessed by kaneshiro fr i felt his energy flowing through me in that moment 😭 someone needs to get me on the phone with him like idk much about soccer BUT i can definitely cook in terms of characters and plot!!

I REMEMBER WHEN KURONA FIRST SHOWED UP I HAD TO REREAD THE CHAPTER BECAUSE I THOUGHT I JUST MISSED HIS INTRODUCTION 😭 agreed there’s such a discrepancy between ln/third selection/u20 yukimiya and nel yukimiya!! especially with that rlly cool panel of him in the u20 game where they’re like “his style of soccer is street soccer 😰⁉️” and he looks gorgeous af i was looking forward to more elaboration on that!! like really showing how he plays differently compared to the other players (maybe giving him some special weapon because of that kinda like metavision) it also could’ve been a really cool point of connection between him and kaiser given that both of them kind of learned how to play soccer in unconventional ways…but alas…here we are

NO BECAUSE KUNIGAMI VS ISAGI RIVALRY COULD’VE BEEN SO GOOD it would’ve built up the hype for kuni sm more and him feel much more relevant imo!! honestly along with wanting to know what wc is all about i’ve always wanted to know noel noa’s reaction to it…like his biggest rival from the past has destroyed this child’s body and life and future in order to make a copy of him THAT’S LEGIT INSANE??? kaneshiro could’ve given us such a scrumptious kuni and noa dynamic and then he just didn’t 😭

honestly i think one of the main problems w bllk is that kaneshiro is spreading the cast too thin and making people care about too many characters but it’s impossible to effectively manage such a huge cast given the premise of the story and still have emotional impact when stuff happens to them and that also means that characters aside from the protagonist aren’t given a ton of fleshing out (this is relatively common in shounen sadly…jjk had a similar issue but almost to the next level) where by focusing on lesser characters and just giving them insane depth the story would’ve felt much stronger ☝🏻 like realistically there’s 0 reason for kurona to exist in nel when reo (as per our earlier convos) or yukimiya could’ve easily taken that role and had their characters developed much more!! kiyora could also have been replaced with yukimiya (as much as i love him) and tbh?? get sendou out of ubers and focus more on aryu (how’d he go from number 2 in scoring goals to a defensive player?? flesh him out more instead of sendou literally nobody cares abt him…hot take but only memorable u20 players were aiku sae and shidou the rest did not need to be there), get rid of tokimitsu entirely (show how his nervous personality doesn’t jive with egoism) and give zantetsu + karasu more opportunities to shine in pxg (honestly if they wanted to keep the cutthroat feel of second selection then get rid of nanase too and show how kindness doesn’t cut it in bllk where you need to be insane; that way the cast is still large but these characters aren’t fighting for a main spot they’re more naruhaya-esque) 😰 and another hot take but they should’ve saved all of the other ng11s besides sae until the world cup arc (so no kaiser and lorenzo in nel) to really build the hype and stakes of the wc because rn it’s like…ok the bllkers have already managed to beat lorenzo and the whole kaisagi rivalry is going on so the ng11s don’t feel as threatening?? whereas they could’ve been a really cool obstacle in the wc and would’ve provided a baddie of the week feel and higher stakes without it being boring or random since they’ve been so foreshadowed already with sae

i agree i rlly like the terminally ill aspect it also explains why his pokémon are willing to go along with his possessed body (they’re not able to accept that he’s gone) as well as why isagi knows so much without him being a villain…it’s also just sad to think about like he didn’t want his family to worry about him but he wanted to accomplish his goals so he just pushed forward until he literally couldn’t anymore 😭 also now i’m realizing lowkey kunigami would fit better in barou’s role (given the whole canonical wildcard thing being similar to the possession) however idc because i like barou more

yeahhh unfortunately fandom people can be a little weird to say the least and especially now that i have a decent amt of followers i know there are going to be interesting individuals in my comments so it’s not even worth it to not tag…okay but hear me out i wasn’t even thinking about this when i assigned teams (nagi got his team based on cuddly fluffy vibes and barou got his team as all dark types because of his “villain king” thing and reader was forced to have one of the same pokémon as him for the sibling theme…of barou’s team i liked houndoom the most so that’s what reader got) BUT the parallels between nagi’s starter being arcanine and reader’s being houndoom kinda go crazy?? like they both have huge fiery dogs but as per the pokédex arcanine symbolizes loyalty justice protection etc and houndoom is like death hell horror and whatnot 😭 however as we know nagi’s aura is death and reader’s character’s main theme is love (for barou, for her pokémon, etc) so narratively nagi x reader would be so good…especially if they’re each other’s “rivals” but they’re not really rivals and half of the time are helping each other out…there’s a vision here and it’s cooking imo 🤩 ALSO i’m thinking…hear me out…karasu reminds reader of barou so he becomes like her surrogate older brother while they’re searching for barou and reader is the annoying little sibling karasu never had which makes him respect yayoi more and teaches him responsibility and maturity which in turn makes yayoi finally respect him too 🤔

honestly galvantula is such a random pokémon but realistically in terms of type matchups it’s absolutely CARRYING reader against barou’s team considering dark is weak to bug 😭 honestly it’s such a cool little pokémon i think it’s so fun for her to have it on her team!! and the gyarados plot line is going to be so entertaining (basically she gets scammed into trading a freshly caught pokémon for a magikarp and shenanigans ensue) that i think the basicness is excusable

otoya constantly getting girls via his fairy type pokémon vs reader and tullia being like “ladies STAY AWAY” who wins 😭⁉��� and agreed breloom + yuki goes so hard…tbh i rlly like steelix and yuki too it works surprisingly well

no literally justice for nagi 😭 the way the government did NOT gaf abt him is crazy like they could’ve at least given him a water type (although tbf he’s meant to show how the pokémon training system takes advantage of people so it makes sense) honestly though i love his character in this au he goes through sm development and his slowburn w the reader will be legendary fr

YOU KNOWWWW chigiri’s rapidash is SPARKLING he def takes such meticulous care of all of his pokémon (same w reo) whereas nagi’s just like eh as long as they’re healthy 😄 KFNJSSB so like manshine trio will be chilling and in their downtime reo will be brushing his cinccino and chigiri will be polishing his rapidash’s hooves meanwhile nagi’s arcanine is rolling in a pile of mud somewhere having the time of its life

hiori and ice types just go so well together (even though he only has one on his team I think 😭) and agreed i can see him retiring from battling after his arc w reader and co and following his actual passion of helping endangered pokémon instead of listening to his parents (maybe karasu inspires him because he also stood up to his family [yayoi] and that gives hiori the courage to do the same)

gen six is where i left off!! i played gen seven (namely moon and a bit of ultra moon) but i didn’t like them that much so as far as i and this au are concerned the pokémon verse ended with xy/oras 🤩 omg wait aryu as a pokémon groomer slays…maybe he’s the one yuki takes his pokémon to before contests?? and perhaps the itoshi bros are mentioned in passing as gym leaders in another region…kaiser as noel noa’s apprentice who’s going to be a new e4 member like isagi (but a bitchier one who never knew barou and never directly interacts with reader) and same with bachira + kunigami (kaiser to replace noel noa, bachira to replace lavinho, kunigami to replace chris prince, and isagi to replace snuffy) there’s just so many different roles that characters can play!! the world building would be so fun

LMAOO honestly aiku trying to be the rizzler but getting cock blocked by big bros otoya and karasu is so funny to me 😭 also speaking of brock link ups since we know karasu and reader are like a sibling duo i’m imagining otoya and tullia to have that brock and croagunk dynamic where she just punches him whenever he flirts with girls because he’s so cringe it’s embarrassing 😰 speaking of tullia atm i’m think she’ll likely end up with either chigiri (since he’ll probably pull up quite frequently as a nagi companion so there’s ample time for development), isagi (since he’s a classic tullia pairing and all), or maybe even hiori?? like her and hiori really hit it off and after the main story is over instead of becoming a show/competition breeder like she planned she decides to go back to his nature preserve and help in breeding for species conservation or something 🤔 many many options fr

NO BECAUSE LISTEN THE TIK TOK AUDIOS ARE BURSTING WITH POTENTIAL FOR THE POKÉMON AU i’m getting soooo many ideas for the story now!! like the entire gyarados arc, the aegislash arc (this one goes crazy because it’s basically “reader and nagi somehow end up in a period drama for an entire arc” yet it makes perfect sense given the pokémon verse and the backstory), EVERYTHING with barou especially the final fight between the cousins (i’ve decided they’ll be cousins but as close as siblings!! so y/n’s mother is barou’s father’s sister and her houndoom is barou’s houndoom’s sister so it’s like three generations of brother/sister-esque bonds making up the story), the random evil team encounters…i’m sure you saw but i put requests on hold for a few reasons: so i can finish the ones i have, work on the oaeu, AND also start this story hopefully!! also i want to deny people from requesting for a bit so the hype is built for my 1k event whenever we reach that milestone FJDJSJSJ

LMAOOO the craziest thing is that’s not even scratching the surface unfortunately i have had many insane experiences with men i’m sure you’ll hear about more whenever they’re relevant to the convo 😭 and YESSS i love chatting w you hehe always a little rush of dopamine when i see the little “anonymous asked you a question” notification on my phone (when tumblr isn’t an OPP and actually gives the me the notifs) 🥹

[jonfarreporter]

Turn of A Potter’s Wheel, A Sonoma Artist Recollects on The Figurative Art Movement of the San Francisco Bay Area

Upon learning about the current exhibit at the Sausalito Center for The Arts (SCA) entitled “Third Generation: The Bay Area Figurative Movement Today,” Sonoma artist and former mayor Larry Murphy was taken aback.

“If I had to spend the rest of my life looking at only one school of art it would be that group of artists,” he said. Murphy recollected his younger days coming of age just as the 1960’s had begun to change the world.

As a San Franciscan he witnessed and experienced the cultural shifts and trends that was redefining post-World War II America. San Francisco and the Bay Area was experiencing a vibrant and diverse energy that had its own style, palate of colors, tastes and even it’s own rock and roll sound.

As an artist he was attracted to pottery and watercolor, the San Francisco Art Institute was a hub at the time. Artists and designers from all over the country were coming to the Bay Area to see for themselves what the West Coast was doing.

After World War II everything in terms of culture was focused on America, and the center for art, wasn’t Paris or Amsterdam, it was New York City. Abstract art was a major influence with works by Jackson Pollock and conceptual, minimalist and pop art.

Yet as young people went westward to California for sunshine and “The Summer of Love,” art in the Bay Area was firmly figurative.

Murphy explained, “I studied under Joan Brown, I love Nathan Olivera, Robert Arneson, Wayne Thiebaud, Richard Diebenkorn especially him!” He said. “And Manuel Neri, along with many others.”

Those he mentioned are like a “who’s who” of the Figurative Movement of the Bay Area, especially those artists that would profoundly impact those artists of what the SCA describes as “The Third Generation.”

“To me the most exciting things about these artists, said Murphy is their bold compositions.

“But, especially the way they used thick rich globby paint textures, he added. Murphy who still finds time to paint, exclaimed. “They make me drool!” Suddenly pinpointing a specific recollection he blurted out. “Oh lord, also the brilliant sculptor Stephen deStaebler.”

“And, Also Peter Voulkos,” he said. “Along with Viola Frey, she was another of my teachers,” said Murphy.

Confirming Frey’s work and impact upon the Figurative Movement in the Bay Area, speaking on behalf of the Artist’s Legacy Foundation, Cynthia de Bos said. “Despite Abstract Expressionism’s dominance in the art world at that time, Frey made a conscious decision to embrace figurative art after she saw Richard Diebenkorn’s figurative show at Poindexter Gallery in New York in 1958.”

Serving as the foundation’s Director of Collections and Archives, de Bos also pointed out that, “Frey did indeed embrace the figure from as early as her student years from 1953-56.”

Similarly, especially with the art of Stephen de Staebler, it’s no surprise that as a pottery maker Murphy is an enamored fan. Applauded as a sustainer in the figurative tradition, during the post World War II era, de Staebler was an important figure in the California Clay Movement.

Murphy at the insistence of his wife Rose transferred to California College of The Arts and obtained a Master’s degree in Fine Arts.

This then eventually lead Murphy and Rose with their burgeoning young family to move to the Sonoma Valley. Murphy accepted a teaching position at the prestigious Justin-Siena, and a more settled life for him and Rose began.

After teaching art for more than 15 years, when he retired from Justin-Siena, Murphy became a pub owner in town. He later became Mayor of Sonoma. As the responsibilities of being mayor and pub-owner were stressful, Murphy still managed to keep his artwork going.

An avid fly-fishing enthusiast many of Murphy’s watercolor paintings are of scenes of lakes and streams of those fly-fishing trips. Whereas he described to KQED Perspectives, “to put myself in that beautiful place where nature is mostly untroubled by human intervention.”

Murphy doesn’t do poetry as much anymore. It’s messy and watercolor painting is more portable, he can do anywhere. Even though watercolors seem simple, to master the technique and medium of watercolor painting takes work, focus and patience.

As he used to say to his students, “there’s no such thing as ‘instant art.’ “Pop art often makes that impression. But real true art takes work.”

Reading over the exhibit program at the SCA website, Murphy reiterated the teachers and artists he knew. The Figurative Art Movement of the Bay Area did make an impact, one he remembers with affection and admiration.

“Spectacular stuff in my view, he continued, I have left out dozens of really exciting artists,” he said.

Third Generation: The Bay Area Figurative Movement Today is currently on view at SCA from Jan 5-28th, 2024. A Reception will be held on Saturday, Jan 20th, from 2 to 5pm. Refreshments will be served. For more details, visit the Sausalito Center for The Arts website.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Dear Evan Hansen

You may have seen some ~online discourse~ about the film Dear Evan Hansen, an adaptation of the 2016 Broadway musical, and you might have wondered what all the hubbub is about. I mean, it’s a feel good story about a senior in high school, Evan Hansen (Ben Platt), who has some pretty severe anxiety and depression. While trying to fulfill an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself, his letter gets picked up by another student, Connor (Colton Ryan) - and later that day, Connor kills himself. Connor’s grieving parents and sister Zoe (Amy Adams, Danny Pino, and Kaitlyn Dever) are desperate to learn more from the boy they think was Connor’s best friend - after all, Connor’s suicide note was a letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen.” And, as you can imagine, Evan tells them about the unfortunate mistake and sits with them in their grief as they struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives. 

Just kidding! He lies to them, repeatedly, elaborately, expansively for months, constructing an entire false friendship with Connor that never happened, and ingratiating himself into the wealthy nuclear family he never had, in large part because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants! THIS IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY. Oh, and it’s a musical so there is a lot of singing and crying and singing WHILE crying and sometimes crying and not singing at all. But the #inspiration, you guys. 

Things I liked:

Pretty much everything but the story and Ben Platt’s performance. The supporting cast is stacked, and all of them do a great job at elevating material scraped directly out of a diaper worn by someone who just chewed their way through a copy of the DSM-5. 

A couple of the songs are damn catchy - “Waving Through a Window” and “You Will Be Found” are standouts for a reason - and here’s the thing, Platt sings them well. But as you’ll discover, there’s a lot more to a movie musical than just singing your part. 

Stephen Chbosky, the man behind every deep thought I and a lot of people in my generation had in 2006 after he wrote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a pretty good director. I particularly enjoyed the fanvid-type cuts in “Waving Through a Window” in conjunction with the lyrics, and his use of interstitial shots to flashbacks (and sometimes flashforwards!) is a neat little bit of shorthand that I thought was used sparingly enough to be effective. 

Amy Fucking Adams. She’s holding on so hard, so desperately to the idea of who her son could have been, rather than the reality of who he was, and she is full of such deep pain that is masked by an almost endless supply of patience with Evan and relentless positivity. All this made me want was Enchanted 2 even worse than I already did. 

Super into everything Zoe wears - the costuming department did a great job, and now all I want to do is live in mom jeans and baggy sweaters.

Did I Cry? I teared up a couple of times because I’m not a completely heartless bastard and when Amy Adams offered Evan Connor’s college money, my heart broke for the lie Evan had thrust upon her, and Julianne Moore’s song got me good, because she’s just a single mom to Evan who is doing her goddamn best. 

Things I hated more than the time I dropped a frozen gallon container of fruit cocktail on my pinkie toe in my parents’ garage and it turned black and I thought it was gonna fall off:

Ben Platt is 28 years old. He originated the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, so in many respects it makes sense that he plays the role in the movie, except for the one kinda sorta important thing where he looks like a wizened old crone standing amongst a sea of children doing his best twitching, cringing Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. If you want someone to convincingly play 20 years their junior, hire Paul Rudd. Otherwise, please don’t ask me to believe that this supposed 18-year-old has crow’s feet. 

And that twitching nervous energy is a huge part of the black hole at the center of this film - he’s playing to the cheap seats and walking through the halls of his high school like a wet chihuahua. It’s an excruciating acting choice to watch - he doesn’t just have anxiety, he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown seemingly every second of every day. Like honestly, where is only-mentioned-never-seen Dr. Sherman, because this young man’s meds are NOT WORKING DR. SHERMAN. 

There’s such a lack of self-awareness on behalf of the writing, directing, and performance by Platt. There’s one song, “Sincerely, Me,” that offers the only glimpse of commentary about what Evan is doing, by pointing out the malicious ridiculousness of him writing a series of fake emails as proof of his and Connor’s friendship. 

Also what high schoolers email this much?? I know this was written in probably 2014 or so, but has a bitch never heard of a text? Even a DM? This whole plot is constructed around the premise that high schoolers are just constantly, constantly emailing each other. 

Everything - and I mean EV-ER-Y-THING - about Evan’s relationship with Zoe is so creepy and disturbing that with a soundtrack change, this could easily be a horror movie. He attempts to get her to like him by describing to her all the things her brother noticed about her - oh wait, I’m sorry, all the things HE noticed about her while he was skulking in the shadows following her around for years, watching every move she made, and it ends with him singing repeatedly “I LOVE YOU” because following a girl around and never having a conversation with her or knowing her at all is love, right? This was clearly written by the same people who chose “Every Breath You Take” as their wedding song because Sting is hot and they never actually listened to the damn words. 

And it gets about 10 billion times worse when Zoe goes to Evan’s house alone, takes him up to his room, and sings “I don’t need reasons to want you” and that was the moment I was that person I hate in a movie theater and I pulled out my phone to Google who wrote the music and lyrics to the musical (we were in the back row of the theater no one was behind me THIS WAS AN OUTRAGE EMERGENCY) and of motherfucking course it was written by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, 2 men who heard about meeting an actual human woman from a friend one time but otherwise are unfamiliar with the concept. 

Lastly, enormous serial killer vibes from Evan sending unlabeled flash drives anonymously through the mail with no note in an attempt to right his wrongs. That’s not catharsis, that’s how the next installment in the Saw franchise starts, with Evan in a Billy the clown doll mask showing up on the screen and asking if you want to play a fucking game. 

Also, I know it’s not possible for the narrative to justify this in a way that could be satisfying based on Evan’s actions, but what is with this thing where single working-class mom Julianne Moore is turning down rich people’s money for Evan to go to college? Like, obviously we can’t have that happen in the movie but in real life, fuck your pride! Take those rich people’s money!

I also know how movies work but nothing annoys me more than a giant group of high schoolers all getting beeps and boops to indicate text notifications all at the same time because I don’t know a single person under the age of 55 who keeps their ringer on. That shit is on vibrate AT MOST, and I feel like that’s a millennial thing. 

The emotional climax of the film is obviously Evan’s WAY TOO LATE confession, but the idea that it’s prompted by Connor’s family suddenly getting a lot of internet hate is, frankly, laughable. If Sandy Hook taught me one thing, it is that no tragedy is immune from trolls who live only to cause other people devastating emotional pain on the internet. That shit starts day 1. Apparently no one involved in this production has ever been on Twitter?

Also it feels like there should have been a dog somewhere in this movie and there was no dog, so points off for that too. 

Perhaps Dear Evan Hansen isn’t nearly as deep as it aspires to be. Perhaps it’s a morality play, a simplistic message of “Don’t lie, kids, lying is bad!” Major studio movies wrap themselves up with a nice bow at the end so everyone can feel good about themselves and leave with a happy ending, but the moronic cruelty on display here makes that feat feel impossible. We’re left with Evan in an orchard, reading Connor’s favorite books and staring into the big blue sky with all the self-actualization he’s earned now as a lil treat. And if Evan Hansen looked like an actual 18-year-old, it would be a lot easier to extend more empathy to him and his not-fully-developed prefrontal cortex, but it’s a little harder with this fully-grown, weathered man who was old enough to remember seeing Liar Liar in theaters. 

Dear Evan Hansen, 

Get some actual help and a haircut and maybe you can grow up enough to have an actual healthy interaction with any other living person, ever.

Sincerely, 

Me

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[gukyi]

if i told you | jjk

summary: in order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

{friends to lovers!au, college!au}

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader genre: fluff, comedy, angst, we’ve got it all folks word count: 22k warnings: slightly underage alcohol consumption, mention of words that could be spoken on an crime documentary series but nothing graphic, ravioli-stealing, idiots to lovers, as per usual a/n: finally! here is the long awaited jungkook fic that i have literally been slaving over since the beginning of january. was this fic supposed to be 10k? yes. did i somehow end up writing 22k anyway? of course! in any case, please enjoy my absolute baby who i love and cherish!

check out the post-script drabble here!

Jeon Jungkook loses his job at the university call center on the seventeenth day of the fall semester of his sophomore year. 

You know this because on the seventeenth day of the fall semester of your sophomore year, he comes banging on the door of your apartment shared with three other girls at 2:07PM, seven minutes after he normally starts his job at the university call center. 

He’s lucky that you’re the only one who doesn’t have class in the 2PM hour. 

“Y/N!” He shouts through the thin wooden door, his voice probably echoing down the thin hallway of your apartment complex. 

You open it before the second knock—you only rush to the door to get him to shut the fuck up, and not because you’re excited to see him, you swear—to see him standing on the other side, XXL university hoodie draped over his figure, down to his mid-thigh, baggy hood pulled over his head like a sad college-aged Star Wars character. He looks exactly like a jaded sophomore year college student would. He is beautiful. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the call center right now?” You ask in lieu of a normal “hello” or even a “what the fuck are you doing here, it’s 2PM”. Jungkook does not wait for you to invite him inside your apartment, immediately kicks off his shoes by the entrance and tugs on your apartment slippers that are a size-and-a-half too small for his feet, and marches over to your shared fridge to fish through the tupperware containers with your name written on Post-it notes for a mid-afternoon snack. 

Jungkook waits until he’s got an entire piece of frozen supersized ravioli shoved into his mouth before he responds. “I was fired,” he says over a mouthful of pasta and cheese.

“What?” You ask, eyes widening as Jungkook shuffles through your kitchen drawers for a fork, which means that the first piece of ravioli that he ate he did so with his bare ass hands. Like a heathen. Like a ravioli-craving twenty-year-old heathen. 

“I was fired,” Jungkook repeats. He stares at the microwave resting on your kitchen counter for a good ten seconds before he continues to eat the cold, unheated pasta. Every time he’s in your apartment (which is frequently), he tells you how it’s a fire, water, and explosive hazard to have your microwave on the counter like that. As if there is any other place in your apartment for it to go. Maybe out on the tiny balcony you have that overlooks the busiest street on campus. 

“Care to offer an explanation as to why?” You ask, coming up next to him. Jungkook is nearly finished with your tupperware of ravioli, and normally you’d shout at him for it, but seeing as he was just fired from his only source of income as a money-starved college student, you’ll cut him some slack. Just a little. 

“You remember that old, angry alumnus that told me that asking for donations in order to benefit low-income-slash-first generation students was selfish and rude of me, and that I wouldn’t be in college if it weren’t for what his generation accomplished?” Jungkook asks. 

You remember that vividly. Jungkook spent an approximate two hours and thirty-seven minutes on FaceTime with you ranting about this one “old man bitch” who he had to speak to during his day at work, all while you did your economics problem set to the sweet, mellifluous sound of Jungkook’s shrill shrieks. 

“The one you lost your temper at and shouted at for being ungrateful and elitist?” You ask pointedly. You have a feeling you already know where this conversation is going. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says with a roll of his eyes. He finishes the ravioli (goddamnit, now you’re going to have to find something else to eat for dinner at 11PM tonight) and turns around to place it in the sink. For once, it is not piled high with dishes from up to a week ago, so Jungkook even squirts a bit of Dawn onto a sponge and washes the plastic container for you. “Well, as it turns out, telling an old racist elitist that he’s old, racist, and elitist does not go down well with my boss.”

“Why does that not surprise me,” you muse. Jungkook sighs, walking over to where you’re taking it easy on the couch. “Oh no,” you say, eyes widening as he grins, plotting something. “Do not, Jungkook. Jungkook, do not!”

He jumps, catapulting himself onto the couch and landing on top of you with a thud. You let out a groan as the weight of his body hits you, foreheads nearly knocking into each other. Jungkook is a good foot-and-a-half too long for this dinky leather couch that’s always sort of smelled, feet and ankles hanging off the opposing arm rest just so he can nuzzle his face into the crook of your shoulder like he always does. You hate when he does this. Hate when he jumps onto the couch while you’re casually reclining just so he can collapse on top of you. Hate the feeling of his body resting against yours, soft breathes against the skin of your neck. Hate how it always makes you want more, how it will never be enough. 

“Have you been working out?” You mumble against the fabric of his t-shirt. “You’re more muscle-y than usual.”

“I added weights to my routine,” Jungkook tells you mindlessly. If your roommates walked into your apartment right now and saw the both of you on the couch, you’d never hear the end of it. “Taehyung said it would make me more swole.”

“As if you need to be any more buff,” you say with a roll of your eyes. Jungkook’s the most athletic person you’ve ever met in your entire life. He could probably pick up your dinky couch with you sitting on it without batting an eyelash. Even Superman would tremble at the sight of him. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Jungkook mutters into your skin. “God, what the fuck am I gonna do now? I need money to pay for everything in my life and my one source of income is now totally invalid because an old guy got what he deserved.”

“Are there any work-study positions still available?” You ask, hand reaching up to stroke at his hair, smoothing it down. Jungkook’s preferred cuddling position is big spoon, but he still demands that he be coddled as though he were the little spoon. 

“No,” Jungkook says with a huff, “they’ve all been snagged by try-hard freshmen who need money like me.”

“I distinctly recall you being a try-hard freshman who also needed money,” you tell him. “That’s why you applied to work at the call center, isn’t it?”

Jungkook sits up, the weight of his figure crushing your legs as he rests on top of them. If you stayed like this forever, you’d probably lose feeling in your lower body, but you’d also get to stay with Jungkook forever, which is a trade-off you would genuinely consider. “Yeah, but the call center hires everybody. You just need to be like… decent at communication. And I’m pretty decent at communication.”

“You never text me back,” you tell him pointedly. 

“That’s because I prefer showing up unannounced at your apartment or other places you frequent,” Jungkook reminds you excitedly. He’ll never let you forget about the time you were wrapping up a small seminar with your history professor and Jungkook burst through the doors with a whole thing of carrots and hummus because you had texted him that you were hungry. You could not look your history professor in the eye for the rest of the semester. “I’d say that’s pretty decent communication.”

“Well, you’re going to have to figure out another way to market your decent communication skills to get another job,” you tell him. “Have you considered the boba place on Oak? You could get me employee discounts.”

Jungkook leans over just to pinch at your cheek, fingers gripping onto your face and pulling like a grandmother. “You just want me for my money.”

“You’re my best friend, Jeon Jungkook,” you tell him. “Of course I do.”

This is what Jeon Jungkook’s obligatory university Facebook group introduction post read:

Hi, I’m Jungkook and I’m thinking of majoring in visual studies or computer science (really different lol I know)! I played soccer in high school but don’t think I’ll be continuing in college because I was pretty bad at it. I’m looking for a roommate and I’d really like to live in New East House, but anything works for me as long as it has a bed. Hit me up if you think we’d made a good match, but I like talking with everyone lol. 

I’m really into music and can play the guitar, drums, and piano. I like listening to all types of music (yes, even country which slaps kinda hard sometimes) but my favorites are The 1975, Frank Ocean, Troye Sivan, and Khalid. Will bop to Justin Bieber on occasion as well. 

I play Ultimate and am really interested in joining the club team here so hit me up and we can practice sometime because my skills are a little rusty. I also do a little skateboarding but I am definitely not a skater. 

Hit me up if you think we can be friends lol I’m excited to meet you all!

It was accompanied by several pictures, a couple of which are selfies at that anime girl angle, one of him with his friends at prom all doing that Frat Boy pose, and a couple of him with his family. To an outsider doing a very quick glance, it pretty much reads the same as a rather extensive dating profile. 

The truth of it all is, as you were scrolling through the hundreds of obligatory university Facebook group introduction posts in search of a freshman year roommate, you stumbled upon Jungkook’s intro post and you thought this: No. Way.

The moment you laid eyes on his first above-the-head angle selfie, you knew that it would be unlikely that you and Jeon Jungkook’s paths would ever cross. He played guitar and did Ultimate Frisbee, and you wanted to audition for your university’s symphony orchestra. He was beautiful but in that sort of college frat boy who can crush you at beer pong kind of way. Craziest of all, he was a computer science major, and you were walking in as an undecided humanities concentration. 

Impossible. There was no way the two of you would ever meet, and you accepted that right off that bat. At a school your size, you would go through these four years not knowing a majority of your class. Jeon Jungkook was just one of the casualties. 

On the very first day of orientation, Jeon Jungkook comes up to you on the sidewalk, wearing a white t-shirt, a backwards baseball cap, and shorts, and asks you if you’re here for orientation as well? He’s lost. 

Jeon Jungkook is the type of guy you imagine getting eaten up by any girl who meets him almost immediately. He’s charming and endearing the same way a baby deer is, but has no problem wearing clothes that remind you of how fit he is. He is, for lack of a better term, extremely good looking. 

“Yeah,” you had said on the sidewalk, squinting to look up at him since the sun was in your eyes. “I’m heading to the auditorium right now. Wanna walk with me?”

“Okay, sure,” Jungkook had replied, smiling with all of his teeth. Even in the sweaty summer heat, he looked even nicer in person. “Thanks, by the way. I’m Jungkook. What’s your name?”

You knew that already. How could you have forgotten? 

You had grinned up at him. The universe has always worked in mysterious ways. “I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

When Jungkook doesn’t know what to do, he stress eats. Most often, you are the single witness to this action, which has literally no effect on his body mass whatsoever since he immediately burns off every calorie (and then some) at his next gym session. 

That is precisely why you are sitting in the second-best dining hall on campus eating a pretty measly salad and french fries, while Jungkook returns from the serve-yourself cafeteria with his sixth plate of food. Next to you is your mutual friend Chaewon, a filthy rich international student from Korea who is probably the nicest person you’ve ever met. 

“I think I’ve called every cafe, bubble tea shop, clothing store, and paid internship within a five-mile radius of this place and nothing,” Jungkook says with a sigh, keeping Chaewon updated with his job-search antics. It’s been several days since he was fired, and while being keenly cognizant of your bank account isn’t necessarily a bad thing, when it means that Jungkook refuses to leave campus because he is in hyper-saving mode, it sort of rustles your jimmies. 

“Have you tried babysitting?” Chaewon supplies helpfully. 

You laugh aloud at the mere thought of Jungkook stuck in some middle-aged parent’s house with their toddler for hours on a night where he could be living it up on campus. Jeon Jungkook? A babysitter?

“Wow, what the heck is wrong with me being a babysitter?” Jungkook questions, offended. 

“First of all, you don’t even let me beat you in Mario Kart on your Switch and I am your best friend. If you ended up gaming with a four-year-old boy, your over-competitiveness would take over you and you’d crush the poor kid and his spirit,” you remind him pointedly. Not to mention the fact that the man cannot cook to save his life, and you can’t even entrust him with microwave dinners because of his irrational fear of modern oven technology. 

Jungkook pouts. He knows you’re right. 

“It’s not like you were going to look into babysitting, anyway,” you say with a shove, nudging his shoulder with your own. 

Jungkook sighs, and despite all of the shit you give him on a daily basis (part of the responsibility of being his best friend), you do genuinely feel bad for him. Even if his job at the call center wasn’t the most intellectually stimulating nor morally rewarding, he didn’t absolutely hate it and he made a pretty decent earning off of it. He unzips his backpack and fumbles for his laptop, opening it up to reveal a Google Chrome window with approximately thirty-seven tabs open of places to work on and around campus. Meanwhile, Chaewon’s phone buzzes on the table, and she heaves out a great, exasperated exhale before picking up and immediately launching off into incredibly speedy Korean. 

“If only the bubble tea place was hiring,” you lament, kissing goodbye all of the free bubble tea you had been dreaming about if Jungkook got hired. 

“I’m glad I don’t work at the bubble tea place,” Jungkook tells you with his eyebrows raised, “otherwise I’d have to see you every day!” 

“You already see me every day!” You should back, but it’s not like Jungkook doesn’t know that already. He’s the one always barging into your apartment or sitting down next to you in the library when you’re trying to study. 

“But maybe you should try drinking less bubble tea, otherwise you’re gonna blow up like a tapioca pearl like that one girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” Jungkook warns, pinching your cheek as if to make your face round like a tapioca bubble. 

“I can think of nothing I’d want more than to be a tapioca pearl for the rest of my life,” you state simply. It would be much less stressful than to be a college student. 

“If you were a tapioca pearl, I’d eat you!” Jungkook says, and you, out of the security of both your head and your heart, choose not to think too much into it. 

As Jungkook teases you about your slight obsession with bubble tea, Chaewon finally puts the phone down after what very well was several minutes of angry Korean. She lets out this deep, long sigh, like all of the pent-up rage within her is exiting through her exhale. 

“You good, Chae?” You ask her, a little concerned. Even after knowing her since the beginning of your freshman year, you’ve never once seen her get mad, though she looks pretty close to it now. 

“Yeah,” she says, exasperated. “My mom is having this stupid company ball here and she really, really wants me to attend.” It is obvious that Chaewon does not, in fact, want to attend. You’ve seen Chaewon nearly every day for over a year, and you’ve never even seen her wear a pantsuit. You couldn’t imagine her joy at having to dress up in a ballgown. 

“But fancy free food,” you point out. Even if she does have to be trapped in a penthouse ballroom with her parents’ stuffy business friends, the catering company will probably be god-tier. 

Chaewon pretty much bangs her head on the dining hall table. 

“Wow, I didn’t know someone could hate catered food so much,” you say, a little alarmed. 

“It’s not that,” Chaewon says, rubbing her forehead. The pasta on the plate in front of her has remained untouched for nearly ten minutes now. You wonder if she’s even hungry anymore. “My mom wants me to bring a plus-one.”

Your eyes widen. An excuse to dress nice and eat good food? Hell yeah. 

“And it can’t be you, Y/N, it has to be a date,” Chaewon says. It’s pretty obvious she’s not interested in dating whatsoever, no matter the gender of the object of her affection. You pout. Damn. “My mom said, ‘he can be whoever you want!’ but that means that he has to be an attractive Korean guy who’s got a future job in finance.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jungkook says over a mouthful of broccoli. 

“You will?” Chaewon asks. Jungkook just single-handedly saved Chaewon from a night of unbearable business talk with a boy she doesn’t know and cannot relate to. 

You scoff. “You’re just a regular Korean dude, Jungkook,” you tell him. 

Jungkook pouts, bottom lip turned out. “You don’t think I’m attractive?”

You refuse to answer that question. You’re afraid of what you might say if you open your mouth. 

“Seriously, you’d do that for me?” Chaewon turns to Jungkook with platonic stars in her eyes. 

Jungkook shrugs. “Sure. I’ve got a suit. I’ll ask my friend Jimin for a crash course in finance before the thing. When is it?”

And just like that, you and Jungkook’s weekly Friday Mario Kart night gets a rain check. 

 Jeon Jungkook is the sole best decision of your life. 

And it’s funny and twisted and wonderful, because he is the one thing you had failed to account for in your life. He stands there on the sidewalk in the blazing sun, black baseball cap nestled safely onto his dark brown hair, and in the split second it takes for him to open his mouth and say hello, everything changes. 

But no longer is the image you conjure in your mind when you think of him a picture of him on that very first day of orientation, lost and excited all at once. It is of him barging into your apartment and eating all of your leftover ravioli. It’s him laying on your dinky couch like it belongs to him, surfing through all of the Netflix shows available and eventually just settling on old Gilmore Girls episodes like he always does. It’s him standing in your closet to judge your latest clothing purchases and take back any items that you’ve stolen from him over the years. 

It’s imagining him not as a guest but as a permanent fixture in your home, in the place that makes you feel safest. Because that’s who Jungkook is, now. He is that place. He stands in your apartment rattling off a list of why microwaves are a severely underestimated killer, and it takes every inch of your being not to ask him to stay. To spend night after night cuddling on the couch, or make a home-cooked meal together on a Sunday evening, or get lost underneath the sheets on your bed.

Jungkook stands in your apartment like he belongs there. And only in your wildest dreams could you ever imagine that coming true.

Such is the case of that Friday night, when he’s supposed to accompany Chaewon to her terrible, awful, brain-melting parents’ business gala. You haven’t seen him all day, too busy with your club meetings to make time for him after your classes are finished for the week. College is never-ending in that horrible, unstoppable way. 

It’s nearing two in the morning when you hear the knock on your door. Two of your roommates are at a rush event for their sorority, and the other sleeps through your smoke alarm on a regular basis, so you are tasked with the job of opening the door. 

On the other side is Jungkook, as he frequently is. 

Your heart practically freezes in place, like his eyes have shot right through it. Instead of his usual baggy outfit and a bucket hat, he’s standing outside of your apartment in a crisp navy suit (complete with a pocket square), rings lining his fingers and hair tousled in that effortlessly-styled kind of way. He looks like a goddamn celebrity, like a young, successful CEO. Like the love of your whole fucking life. 

Coughing to distract from the fact that you’re practically drooling, you say, “Wow, you clean up nicely.”

Jungkook looks down at himself, almost as if he had forgotten he’s wearing a full suit entirely. “The pocket square is Jimin’s,” he explains, “but yeah. I didn’t want to let Chaewon down by not dressing up to code.”

He’s got remnants of makeup left on his face, having faded and smudged throughout the night. There’s a bit of black underneath his eyes from the liner, a smoldering effect that makes the dark brown of his irises even deeper. “You look tired,” you comment. “Why are you here, why don’t you go home, Jungkook? Get some sleep.”

Jungkook shrugs, looking over your shoulder to see if his arrival has woken up any of your roommates. “Your place was closer,” he says like it’s nothing. 

Like it doesn’t make your breath catch in your throat, stop in its tracks. He spends an evening dressed up in a stuffy suit and tie surrounded by old businessmen and their preppy daughters with whom he has nothing in common, and when it’s nearly two in the morning and he can finally relax, he drives to your place instead of his own. Like it means nothing. As if it means anything at all. 

Jungkook runs a hand through his perfectly styled hair, and even knotted and messy it still looks flawless. “If I’m bothering you, just let me know. I know it’s late.”

It’s so hard to say no to him. 

“Just come inside already before you wake up the neighbors,” you tell him, sighing to pretend like it’s a minor inconvenience. And even running on barely any sleep with makeup smudged underneath his eyes, Jungkook grins as you let him inside your apartment, caving in, just like you always do. 

The first thing he does when he’s inside is take off his fancy loafers and peel off his suit jacket, resting it against the back of the couch. You fumble around in the kitchen for the kettle, instinctively starting to make two cups of tea. Routine. 

Looking up, you watch as Jungkook loosens his tie and takes it off, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his white dress shirt. By the counter, you turn your back to him so he doesn’t see you mentally combust. It’s impossible that he doesn’t already know what he does to you. 

The kettle finishes boiling the moment Jungkook settles onto your couch. He keeps the television off so he doesn’t wake your roommates, and scrolls on his phone with his knees tucked underneath his chin. Thirty seconds later, you’re joining him, handing him the cup of tea before sitting down next to him, severely underdressed in comparison. 

“Did you at least have fun tonight?” You ask. 

“The food totally slapped,” Jungkook tells you. “Chaewon’s parents really pulled out all the stops.”

“So I’ve heard,” you muse. 

“We spent most of the time lounging by the catering table and distracting each other by making up stories about all of the rich people there.” Jungkook laughs. 

“Please tell me you didn’t embarrass yourself, though,” you say. Perhaps Jungkook could withstand a few blows to his ego, but Chaewon’s future pretty much depends on her impressing her parents and their comrades. 

“No!” Jungkook tells you defensively. “Jimin told me everything I needed to know, but all of Chaewon’s friends and their filthy rich CEO parents thought I was so handsome that I didn’t even need to speak.”

You roll your eyes. Of course Jungkook wouldn’t give up the chance to remind you of his hellishly good looks. 

“You just stood there, looking pretty?” You ask. Not as if he doesn’t do that already. 

“You think I’m pretty?” Jungkook teases, a greasy smile sent your way, like he doesn’t know the answer anyway. 

You huff. “Dressed up like this? Anyone would.”

“Chaewon said I was like her fake trophy husband,” Jungkook jokes. “She did all of the schmoozing. It’s not like I could have contributed anything anyway. Unless everyone wants to hear about C++.”

“Ooh, I love it when you talk all tech to me,” you tease, nudging him with your arm. “So sexy, keep talking.”

He laughs. “If we keep talking about Python I might get a little too excited.” He wiggles his eyebrows just for good measure and you giggle, holding onto this moment for dear life as you let it etch itself into your brain permanently. Times like these, you know you can’t forget, saving them for a rainy day thirty years down the line when you’re in love with someone that’s not Jungkook. When you look out the window and think about what might have been, if only things back in college had been a little bit different. 

Jungkook’s phone buzzes on the table. He’s got two notifications, one from Instagram of Chaewon tagging him in a post, and another from Venmo. 

“Fuckin’ damnit,” Jungkook swears, letting his phone drop on the couch cushion. 

“What?” You ask, turning to look at him. 

“Chaewon just Venmo’ed me a hundred dollars,” Jungkook says with a sigh. And it’s not one of those times when you see your bank account balance go up and get happy because yay, money!, it’s when your friend pays you anything over what they actually owe you out of the goodness of your heart, and you refuse to accept it. 

“She did?” You ask, eyes widening. A hundred dollars? That’s more than Jungkook would make in three shifts at the call center. 

“‘Thanks for bailing me out tonight. You definitely deserve more than 100 but then you’d be mad at me. But please don’t be mad at me!’” Jungkook reads off his phone. “I just stood there looking like eye candy. I didn’t do a thing to help her, what the heck?”

You pull out your own phone to check Chaewon’s latest post. 

It’s a picture of them together in the skyscraper penthouse the gala was held in, Jungkook looking dapper in his suit with a glass of champagne in his hand, and Chaewon in a dress worth more than a semester’s tuition throwing up a peace sign like the trendy Asian she is. They look like a K-drama couple. Like two celebrities basking in their fame and wealth. 

Shoutout to my one and only Jeon Jungkook for being my fake date tonight! Thanks to your good looks and charming personality for impressing all of my parents’ rich friends and their daughters. Love you 3000 💕

“Wow, whoever took this picture of the both of you knows their shit,” you say, impressed. You had always thought it impossible for Jungkook to look better in pictures than in real life, but this photo is coming rather close. If you were any more shameless, you’d ask Chaewon if she has any more photos of him. Just him, preferably. 

It’s not as if she doesn’t know about your gargantuan crush on him anyway. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever looked that good in a photo in my life,” Jungkook says with a laugh. Impossible. He yawns, placing his empty mug on the little end table next to the couch. 

“You should set it as your profile picture,” you suggest, leaning your head on him and pretending like this is normal. He yawns again, stretching out as he rests his body against yours. “Hey, we should go to sleep. Unless you want to go home?”

Jungkook groans, snuggling in closer. “No, your bed is big enough for the two of us.”

And who are you to resist?

You wake up to the sound of a phone buzzing furiously on your bedside table. You crack open one eye just a sliver to see who the culprit is and immediately eradicate it, when the sun filtering through your Venetian blinds hits your cornea. You groan, shutting your eyes once more as you smack your hand around to get it to shut off. 

The movement, however, causes the bedsheets to shift beside you, and when you turn, you find Jungkook nestled up tightly beneath your duvet, an arm stretched over your side as he hums in his sleep. 

You’re best friends. 

This is normal. 

(The feeling of your heart beating out of its chest has become rather normal, as well.)

He’s wearing a raggedy old t-shirt of yours that has always been too big on you but fits him just perfectly and a pair of joggers that he keeps at your place “just in case”. Just in case he stays the night. Just in case you ever need them. Selfishly, you will yourself to fall back asleep, shutting your eyes tightly and pretending that maybe, if you never wake up, this moment will freeze in time, locking the two of you together for eternity. 

He mumbles to himself in his sleep, a murmur of nothing as he shifts over slightly, hand dragging up your side. 

God. 

Next to you, the phone begins to buzz erratically again, and wide-awake, you look over to realize that it’s Jungkook’s, and that it’s Chaewon on the other end. 

This is at least the second time she’s called, which means that, despite how tempting it is, you probably shouldn’t silence his phone and go back to lying in bed with Jungkook and pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist. 

Sighing, you pick up. 

“Jungkook!” Chaewon shouts on the other side. For a brief moment you wonder why on earth she’s so energetic so early, but it’s less that and more the fact that you are overwhelmingly lethargic rather late in the day. “All of my friends said you looked really good in those photos I posted of us. Do you think you’re free next Wednesday night? Seunghee wants you to accompany her to a double date her parents are forcing her to go on!”

“Chaewon—”

“Oh, Y/N! How’s it going?”

“I just woke up,” you mumble quietly as Jungkook stirs beside you. 

“Of course you did,” Chaewon says, and you can see her rolling her eyes on the other side of the line. “Wait, why do you have Jungkook’s phone if you just woke up? Oh my God, don’t tell me—”

“Shh!” You hiss into the phone. Jungkook is slowly beginning to wake up, and you can only pray that he isn’t listening in to the conversation between you and Chaewon. “No, we did not. He got back after your thing and we promptly passed out in my bed, fully clothed,” you whisper loudly. 

“Jungkook went to your place last night? He was so tired, I thought he was going straight back to his. We even got dropped off outside my apartment.”

What? Chaewon and Jungkook live within a three-minute walk of each other. Your apartment is ten minutes away from both of them. 

“You did?” You ask, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Who’s that?” 

You turn around to see Jungkook lying on his back, head resting on a nearly-deflated pillow of yours as he looks up at you, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His hair is mussed, some parts styled and stiff with hair gel, and some parts tangled and unkempt. He looks like he’s been lying in that position for a while, hand resting behind his head as he gazes up at you. 

“It’s Chaewon,” you tell him softly as she laughs on the other end. “She just called your phone. Are you free next Wednesday?”

“Hmm?” Jungkook, still half-asleep. “When?”

“Next Wednesday,” you repeat, a hand on the phone like it’s going to do anything to stop Chaewon from listening to you two. “Chaewon says she has a friend who wants you to accompany her to a double date she’s been set up to go on by her parents.”

“Mmmrph,” Jungkook mumbles. It’s clear he hasn’t even thought about his plans for the rest of the day, let alone next Wednesday. 

“He’s not available right now,” you say into the phone. Chaewon snorts. 

“Fine,” Chaewon says with a sigh. “Can you pass the message on when you guys are done pretending that you aren’t fucking behind my back?”

You suck in a breath. “Chaewon!” You hiss. “We are not—” you quickly turn back to Jungkook, who, by the looks of his hooded eyes and bewildered expression, isn’t listening in, “—fucking!” You whisper. “You know we’re not!”

Chaewon laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Call me later, Y/N, we should grab ice cream or something.” She hangs up. 

“Who was that?” Jungkook asks sleepily, eyes still half-lidded as he sits up in your bed, soft skin, brown hair, pouted lips amongst a sea of white, bundled up in your thick duvet as if sitting on a cloud. 

“Chaewon,” you tell him. 

“Oh, why was she calling?”

“She wanted to ask if you were free next Wednesday.”

“To do what?”

Maybe you were worried about Jungkook listening in to Chaewon grill you about your relationship (or serious lack thereof) for nothing. 

“She has a friend who wants you to go on a parent-mandated double date, trophy boyfriend style,” you explain. Jungkook groans. 

“Pretending to know business is mentally, physically, and morally draining. It feels like I’m selling my soul to capitalism,” he says with a sigh, collapsing back against the mattress. “I just wanna stay here forever. It’s so cozy.”

“Come on, Kook,” you say, tugging the duvet off of him to reveal the rest of his body. He curls into himself at the exposure, refusing to budge. “You’ve encroached on my apartment long enough.”

“Y/N,” Jungkook whines, drawing out your name for good measure. “Noooooooo.” He reaches out to cling onto your wrist, which means that if you want him out of your bed, you’ll have to drag him out.

“Jungkook, you’re swole, you know I can’t tug you out of my bed,” you say with a pout. He knows every trick in the book to use against you, and worst of all, he knows you’re weak to all of them. 

“Good,” Jungkook says with a loopy smile, pulling you back onto the bed like it’s nothing. You yelp as you come crashing on top of him, your body bumping into his as he wraps his arms around you and flops back onto your bed. You laugh and shout at the feeling as Jungkook cuddles up in the warmth of the sheets, pulling you in tightly to his body. “It’s so warm here, let’s stay like this forever.”

“What about food?”

“You keep a stash of Clif bars under your bed, we’ll eat those,” Jungkook suggests. 

You attempt to wriggle out of his grip, hoping to escape before he holds you long enough to get addicted, hooked on the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours. But Jungkook is nothing if not persistent and clingy, and he wraps his arms tightly around your torso like a koala, warm and soft. “Come on, Jungkook. It’s nearly noon. Let’s be productive today.”

“Gross.”

“Let’s not sit in bed all day.”

“Grosser. Let’s just stay in your bed all day and pretend that we don’t have any real responsibilities.”

“Given that we’re in college, that may be slightly difficult.”

“Fuck that, your GPA doesn’t matter anyway. Unless you have plans on going to grad school?” He asks with an eyebrow raise, turning to look at you. 

“No way, I’m not paying for another four years of this shit,” you immediately declare. Let the capitalist system of higher education extort another two to four years worth of tuition out of you for the same degree? Absolutely not. 

“Then why move?” Jungkook says with a grin. 

“Because,” you say, stumbling for a real answer. 

“Not good enough.” He grins cheekily. “I vote to stay in bed.”

“I vote to do my readings, your CS homework, and get back to Chaewon about Wednesday.”

“God,” Jungkook says with a sigh. “What’s Wednesday?”

“Oh my God, you need to call Chaewon. Right now. Before you ask me what you have on Wednesday one more time after losing all of your brain cells lounging around in my personal bed and refusing to leave,” you say, eyes wide as you worm your way out of his grip, dusting yourself off and heading to your closet. 

“Noooooooo,” Jungkook says, reaching out a desperate hand. “Y/N, come back.”

“Call Chaewon. Call her!” You order, fishing around in your closet for some fresh clothes. You’ve been wearing the same one since Thursday night. You are disgusting. 

Jungkook groans but obeys, picking up his phone and pressing her contact. “Hey Chae, it’s Jungkook. Listen, I’m literally going to Venmo you back what you paid me because you? Literally didn’t need to pay me at all? And I’m actually mad at you for it? Wait, what do you mean am I up to getting paid on Wednesday—”

The phone call presents the perfect opportunity for you to dash out of your bedroom and into the bathroom, where you splash yourself with cold tap water like a model in a face wash commercial (who already has perfect skin, so why does she need this new face wash, seriously?) to clear your head. It’s been a weird twelve hours. Even weirder knowing that across the hall, Jungkook is sitting in your room, on your bed, in your clothes, under your bed sheets. Knowing that maybe, in another universe, on another timeline, you would be in the exact same positions, only everything would be different. 

You wash your face, hoping to wake yourself up. Convince your mind that the past twelve hours have been nothing but a dream, and that when you walk back into your room, Jungkook will have vanished. Or he would have never been there in the first place. 

You leave the bathroom and return to your bedroom to see Jungkook tugging on his suit jacket, wearing the same clothes he had on when he knocked on your door at 2AM last night. He’s still on the phone, wrapping up the conversation with Chaewon. 

“Yeah, yeah, tell her that I’m down. She can just text me, give her my number. I’m happy to do this for you and your friends, Chae. Plus, she’s gonna pay me and I feel less bad about it because it’s a service and she’s not a close friend like you are. Yeah, it’s all good,” he looks up to see you standing at the door, leaning against the frame. “Yeah, Y/N just got back so I’m gonna go. Maybe we can grab dinner or something tonight? Cool. Bye.”

“Dinner without me?” You ask with a pout. 

“Never,” Jungkook says wickedly. “You’re always invited.”

“Have you figured out what’s going on on Wednesday?” You tease him as you walk him to the door. 

“Chaewon has a friend, Soojin, who wants me to accompany her on a parent-mandated double date with a business partner’s daughter,” Jungkook explains. “Apparently all of Chaewon’s friends realized I make a pretty good fake trophy boyfriend.”

You rub his shoulder. He’d make a great real boyfriend too. Not that you think about that all of the time, or anything. “Gonna put that on your resume, big guy?”

“Of course.” Jungkook smiles. “Dinner tonight? We can go to the ramen place you really like.”

“Sure thing, is Chaewon coming?”

“If she wants to. Otherwise, it’ll just be us.”

“Sounds good,” you tell him. “See you then.”

“Hopefully before,” Jungkook says. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night, by the way.”

“Anytime,” you say. Maybe one day, it’ll be true. 

Next Wednesday, there’s a knock on your door at midnight. 

Who else could it be?

It was supposed to be a one-time thing. And then it was supposed to be just a two-time thing. And before you knew it, Jungkook’s number and his services were circling through the ring of wealthy international students, jumping from phone to phone as people crammed to get him to accompany them on their next double date, next business gala, next ballroom dance. 

You had always had a feeling that his charming, charismatic personality would eventually draw everybody towards him, so electric and magnetic that you couldn’t help but want to know him, make friends with him, be close to him. From the moment you saw his Facebook introduction post, you knew it was only a matter of time before everyone on campus knew his name.

[October 17th, 4:12PM] You: do u want to get dinner tonight

Jungkook: would love to but have to go to kim family business dinner with dahyun sorry :(

You: ok next time then!

[October 23rd, 1:03PM]

You: yo what r u doing You: i have so many readings to do rip You: do u wanna come to greene w me and study

Jungkook: heejin is taking me shopping for a fancy suit for her family’s event tomorrow i can’t :/ Jungkook: but i am going to get macaroons for u at the mall so we can see each other later!

You: yummm sure thing!

[October 30th, 9:58AM]

You: hey ik you’re asleep rn but we are still on for tomorrow right? 🎃 You: can’t let our one (1) year long halloween tradition of buying last-minute candy and watching the nightmare before christmas together die

[October 30th, 11:13PM]

Jungkook: omg i just saw this now im so sorry Jungkook: uh yeonjoo wants me to go to her sister’s halloween party tm so idk if i can make it this year

[October 31st, 2:02AM]

You: ok You: thanks for telling me

It’s no fun watching The Nightmare Before Christmas by yourself, you realize this Halloween. All of your roommates are out frequenting one of the hundreds of parties being thrown on campus tonight, and although you’d normally be up for getting drunk and dropping it low, you just aren’t in the Halloween spirit this year. Wonder why. 

Armed with the knowledge that your roommates probably won’t be back until three or four in the morning, you shut your laptop and decide to go to bed early. Early being midnight, but it’s early for you and that’s all that really matters. 

You don’t know why you’re being such a stick in the mud this Halloween. It’s always been one of your favorite holidays, never one to pass up free candy nor the option to dress up, but this one has been particularly lame. You don’t have a costume, your local drugstore is out of mini Skittles packets, and you don’t have someone to spend it with. 

Realistically, you have no reason to be sad that Jungkook isn’t available tonight. It’s not as if spending Halloween together is some ancient tradition from birth that binds the two of you together. You did it for the first time as freshmen, and you were foolishly hoping to do the same thing as sophomores. It’s not a tradition if it only happened once. 

You look in the bathroom mirror, stained with nail polish and dry shampoo and old skincare, and you sigh. Jungkook has every right to prioritize his current and only source of income over a night spent lounging on the couch doing nothing. It’s not as if you haven’t seen your best friend in over a month and this was the only night you both had free. Jungkook drops by after every single event he goes on. Every single one. He stands outside your door dressed in a fancy suit, or a silk button down, leather shoes and expensive jewelry bought for him by the girls he goes out with.

No matter the time, he knocks on your door and says hello, steals a cup of tea and a bit of your heart along with it, before bouncing out of your living room and off to his own apartment. He doesn’t stay the night anymore, doesn’t worm his way underneath your duvet and refuse to move until morning comes. It’s hard to tell if you’re grateful about it or not. 

Sluggishly, you peel off your clothes and wash your face, changing into some old sweatpants from the tenth grade and a t-shirt with an embarrassingly large hole in the armpit. This Halloween, you are dressing up as a lonely college student who is going to bed early on Halloween night because she has nothing better to do!

There’s a knock on your door. 

Your first instinct is to freeze up. When there’s another knock, your second instinct is to grab the closest object to you (which happens to be your water bottle) for self-defense. 

And then, you hear,

“You’re not watching The Nightmare before Christmas without me, are you?”

To spare yourself the shame, you won’t say that you practically leapt out of bed the moment you heard his voice. You calmly removed the covers, and casually walked to the front door. That is what you did. 

When you open it, Jungkook is standing behind it, grinning, wearing the greasiest police officer outfit you’ve ever seen in your entire life. This flew at a marketing company’s heir’s Halloween party? He’s even got what looks to be a fully-loaded water gun in his holster. 

“Don’t tell me this is what you wore to some fancy-shmancy Halloween party,” you say disapprovingly, eyebrows raised as you look him up and down and pretend that you aren’t just ogling his figure. 

“It was fine, Yeonjoo’s sister just graduated college. If anything, she was more okay with it than Yeonjoo was,” Jungkook says with a shrug. You don’t even need to let him in at this point, just watch as he tugs off his shoes and steps inside your apartment like it belongs to him. 

“What was Yeonjoo dressed as?”

“Princess Leia. We made for a very mismatched pair,” Jungkook says, chuckling to himself. “Ooh, did you guys get new tea?”

“You can have some if you want,” you tell him, shutting the door as he eagerly pulls out a box of teabags, turning on the electric kettle on the counter. “I think it’s Wild Berry Hibiscus.”

“Sounds good already,” Jungkook says, and he lets out a sigh that sounds so exhausted, so tired and aching, as he leans back against the countertop, head resting on the cupboards above it. 

“You could have gone home, you know,” you tell him. Even from the couch you can see the droop in his shoulders, the bags under his eyes. He’s been going out several times every week for the past month, and he still has a truckload of CS assignments on top. He spends precious hours schmoozing with wealthy businessmen and women, shaking people’s hands and posing for pictures in the fanciest clothes he owns and then some. The selfish part of you wants him to stay. The part that loves him knows it would be better if he went home. “You still can.”

“No,” Jungkook insists, shaking his head. “We have a tradition to uphold, don’t we?”

Even though The Nightmare Before Christmas is seventy-six minutes long, the night ends long before that. You haven’t even reached “This Is Halloween” before you feel a head hit your shoulder, and crane your neck to find Jungkook having fallen fast asleep beside you, half-full cup of Wild Berry Hibiscus next to the laptop in front of you. He’s still wearing his stupid police officer costume, the navy blue uniform tight against his body. His lips are parted ever so softly, eyelashes fluttering as little non-sounds exit his mouth, hints, whispers of snores. 

He hasn’t slept over since the first time. You’re not sure if you want the trend to continue, or if you just want to be a little bit selfish tonight, greedy, taking and taking and taking. He’s so beautiful like this, so innocent and gentle and soft. It would be such a shame if you had to wake him. 

And so, gingerly, you rest your head against his own, breathe in the quiet little sounds that leave his parted lips, memorize the feeling. It’s not the first time Jungkook’s accidentally fallen asleep on you, but there is something about this moment, sitting on your couch a few minutes past midnight, as the rest of the world celebrates around you, that is so intimate. Like here, in your apartment, you and Jungkook have your own little bubble, tucked away in a corner of the universe far from the noise of the rest of the world. And it’s here that you wish you could stay forever, for once never wanting the feeling to end. Wanting time to freeze in its very steps, the clocks stop and the orbit halts, and it is just you and Jungkook, forever. Like characters in a movie, on pause for eternity.

The moment ends when Jungkook shifts beside you before eventually coming to, slowly opening his eyes as he turns to look at you. You smile at him, dazed and tired, as he sits up properly, staring down at your half-opened laptop and the half-full cup of tea next to it. 

“Thought you’d end up sleeping here again tonight,” you joke, even though it isn’t really a joke. Maybe, somewhere deep down inside you, in the crevices between your bones and the dark corner of your heart, you had hoped that he would stay. 

“Oh, did I fall asleep?” Jungkook asks, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. It’s nearly two-thirty in the morning. 

“Just for a bit. I didn’t want to wake you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to head back to your apartment or anything,” you tell him. 

Jungkook nearly jumps up off the couch at that, like he’s got springs in his shoes. Suddenly he’s wide awake, brown eyes blown open as he scrambles to gather his belongings, taking the cup of tea and quickly dumping it out in your sink. 

“Hey, don’t you want that?” You ask. 

“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll come by some other time and have some, it was really good, I just fell asleep while drinking it,” Jungkook sputters, words moving a mile a minute as he tugs on his heavy black officer boots, scuffed at the tips from wear and tear. It’s as if he’s desperate to leave. Like your apartment has somehow offended him. Or worse, you. 

“If you want to stay, Jungkook, you can,” you tell him, standing up to run to the door before he pulls the damn thing off his hinges with how fast he’s moving. “I don’t mind. My bed is big enough for the both of us.”

“No, I should—I should get going. My… plants need watering. Right now. I totally forgot.”

It’s not a completely bullshit excuse. Jungkook has a fair few pothos amongst his other worldly apartment belongings, hanging from his ceiling or potted in old mugs and janky shoes. But it’s still a pretty bullshit excuse. It’s dark. Jungkook waters his plants every Sunday, and it’s Friday. It’s obvious he wants to get the hell out of your apartment for whatever reason. 

All you can do is hope and pray that it isn’t you who’s driving him away. 

“Oh—okay,” you tell him, opening the door as he furiously laces up his other boot. 

“Thanks for doing this. Next Halloween will be more fun, I swear. I won’t fall asleep on you. Or anything.”

“Okay, see you soon, then?” You ask, searching for a clue, a hint, anything that will tell you that it’s not you, that he hasn’t found you out yet. That you can still be friends, be best friends, because even if you want to kiss him, hold his hand, roll around in bed with him, loving him from afar is good enough. 

“Yes, yes, definitely. Dinner? Uh… sometime this week? I’ll text you. I have to go. Plants. See you!”

He dashes down the hallway. 

And you end your Halloween the same way you started it. Alone. 

Jungkook ran out of your apartment the other day like it was infested with cockroaches. Or the Black Plague. Or your microwave had just beeped. It was as if simply being inside it was going to scar him for life. 

Maybe your apartment is cursed. Jungkook does believe in ghosts. That’s another reason as to why he fears the microwave. Tiny ghosts could be living inside the microwave chamber and you’d never know. But Jungkook knows better. He knows that they’re there. 

“He just… ran out?” Chaewon asks, clearly bewildered. The two of you have been working on the first floor of the library all day, obviously doing everything in your power to not actually complete any of your assignments. 

“Yeah, something about his plants.” You sigh. 

Chaewon narrows her eyes, the same way she does when she’s plotting something. “Interesting.”

“What?” You ask, nudging her to see if you can worm a less mysterious response out of her. 

“Nothing,” Chaewon says with a nonchalant shrug. She clearly has something to say. 

“What?” You repeat forcefully. Chaewon doesn’t get to go all cryptic on you just because Jungkook ran out of your apartment like it had set fire. 

“I know I’ve only known you guys for, like, a year and a bit now, but you two have the strangest relationship I’ve ever seen,” Chaewon comments like it’s nobody’s business when it is, in fact, specifically two people’s business. 

You scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just…” She pauses, thinking. In the silence, she begins to pack up her belongings, shoving her laptop into her bag and gathering up the small pile of candy wrappers slowly amassing in front of her. “I’ve never seen two best friends have a relationship quite like yours.”

“Thanks?”

“What are you doing for dinner? I’m eating with Yoonji, but you’re welcome to join if you want,” Chaewon offers. Even though you have no idea who Yoonji is, Chaewon would never exclude you from eating with them.

“I’m getting Korean food with Jungkook, but thanks for the offer,” you say, only to be greeted with Chaewon rolling her eyes. He said he’d meet us outside?”

Sure enough, when you head out of the glass doors at the front of the library, Jungkook is waiting dutifully on a bench close by, headphones in as he nods his head and taps his feet to the beat of the music, lost in his own world. He doesn’t even realize that you’ve left the library until you’re two feet in front of him, when he recognizes your beat-up white sneakers and looks up at you in glee, eyes crinkled into crescents. 

“Ready to go?” You ask happily. Your stomach has been rumbling ever since Jungkook suggested you go out to eat this morning. 

“Hell yeah I am,” Jungkook says, putting his earbuds away as he stands up. “You coming, Chae?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’m eating with a friend.” There’s nudge against your shoulder, and when you turn to face her, she winks. “But you two enjoy yourselves! Don’t have too much fun without me!”

Before you can publicly berate her for being so goddamn obvious, she’s rotating 180 degrees on her heel and speed-walking in the opposite direction, zooming off so you don’t get the chance. 

“I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages,” you comment mindlessly. Twenty-four hours away from Jungkook feels like a lifetime and a half. Forty-eight is a light year. 

“I’ve been busy,” Jungkook says vaguely, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Doing what, going out to fancy restaurants and galas?” You half-tease. It’s sad but true—Jungkook spends his nights living a life you could only dream of. And all of these rituals you share, from studying in the library until three in the morning to crashing at his place and taking naps on separate couches, get put on the backburner. 

“Hey, it’s hard work pretending to be rich,” Jungkook pouts. “Besides, the craziest thing about going to those things is that rich Korean people don’t serve Korean food at their fancy gatherings. They serve shit like caviar.”

“Is that why you’re so desperate to get Korean?” You ask pointedly. 

“Yes,” Jungkook emphasizes. “Man, I just want some tteokbokki.”

“Then we’ll go and eat all of the tteokbokki you can dream of,” you promise. You round the street corner and on the edge of the main road and an alleyway sits a tiny Korean restaurant the size of a bedroom, no more than six cramped tables inside. It’s run by a family who passes it down through each generation, dependent on the starving college students nearby to keep it alive. 

It’s Jungkook’s favorite place. The owner gives him a discount every time he sees him. 

(It’s impossible not to fall in love with Jungkook. Impossible to not be drawn to his presence, his personality. Like moths to a flame, you can’t help but come closer.)

“Ah, Jungkook!” The old man behind the counter greets as the bell above the entrance rings. “Sit! Sit!” He points to your favorite table, a round one in the far left corner that’s right next to the biggest window. “Usual?”

“Tteokbokki, too, please!” Jungkook shouts. The man gives you both a thumbs up and heads back into the kitchen. 

“It’s been a while since we came here,” Jungkook notices. You both usually eat lunch on campus and Jungkook has been largely unavailable for dinner. 

“Almost sounds like you missed it,” you poke fun. 

“God, I missed it so much,” Jungkook exclaims, tilting his head back in exasperation. “I didn’t realize that it would be so much work to get dressed up in a suit and look hot.”

“Don’t make it sound like such a drag.” You frown. Jungkook needs to put in literally zero effort to look hot. Sitting across from him in this tiny Korean restaurant as he wears nothing but a massive hoodie and black joggers, he looks hot. When he wakes up in your bed in a raggedy t-shirt, he looks hot. When you catch him at three in the morning in the library after eighteen straight hours of studying, he looks hot. 

Jungkook sits there and radiates light. Radiates warmth and joy and beauty. Laughter and hope. He’s the college version of a Disney prince. Perfectly imperfect and completely out of your reach. 

“I wish I could take you with me, you might enjoy it,” Jungkook sighs. “Plus, I have literally never seen you wear something fancier than business casual. Imagine you in a ballgown!”

“In your dreams, Jeon,” you rebuke. “Free catered food sounds nice but having to mingle with the 1% does not.”

“Touché,” Jungkook concedes. “I don’t know how Chaewon does it.”

“She’s a goddess.”

“Indeed.”

Jungkook pours you a cup of water from the pitcher that the old man dropped off, and then pours one for himself. “Chaewon said that I did well, though.”

Not surprising. Jungkook excels at everything he does. 

“Of course you did, you sexy beast,” you chide. 

“She said I’d make a good boyfriend.”

You choke on your water as the man’s son brings out your food, and you desperately attempt to avoid eye contact as you sputter and cough into a napkin, gaze pointed away from both a surprised waiter and a concerned Jungkook, who awkwardly thanks the man and leans over to pat your back. 

“You good?” He asks, brows furrowed. 

Coughing, you say, “I’m okay, I’m okay. It just—it went down the wrong pipe, that’s all.” Jungkook doesn’t buy it, and the little coughs escaping your throat don’t do much to corroborate your claim. “Seriously, Jungkook. I’m okay. It’s just water.”

“You looked like you were on the verge of death,” Jungkook frowns. 

“That’s just my face,” you fire back. “Just keep talking about what you were saying earlier. What was it?”

“Being a good boyfriend,” Jungkook says, and with no water near your lips to distract you this time, your mind bears the full force of his words, weighing down on your shoulders like a calculus textbook. 

It’s not as if you aren’t already aware that Jungkook would be the best boyfriend in the entire world, bar none. Not as if you don’t sit in bed and dream of a parallel universe, a life other than the one you’re living in right now, where Jungkook is lovely and wonderful and yours. He knocks on your door at a random hour in the afternoon with Chinese takeout from the local restaurant. He remembers your homework assignments when you forget them. He sits in bed with you and judges the Instagrams of the guys on the latest Bachelorette season. It’s as if he was already yours.

“Believe me,” you scoff. “The people know how great of a boyfriend you are.” 

“It’s fake, though,” Jungkook reminds you. “It’s only for a night. An evening, really.”

“Better than nothing,” you sigh. “If only I had enough money to rent myself a fake boyfriend for a night.”

“If only your parents were the CEOs of a multibillion dollar cooperation,” Jungkook adds on. 

“Truth,” you say, and you and Jungkook toast to that. Toast to knowing that some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Toast to knowing that some of those people can get for themselves something you can only imagine in your wildest dreams—a night with Jungkook. More than just a night. A night spent dressed up in your fanciest clothes, arms wrapped tightly around each other. A night spent as a couple, rather than you and Jungkook. 

Toast to knowing that even if you’ll never get to have him like that, you get to have him like this, and you’d rather it be like this than nothing at all. 

“You don’t need to rent a fake boyfriend for a night, Y/N,” Jungkook tells you once you’ve downed the water in your glasses (stay hydrated!). “You shouldn’t feel pressured to spend time with people you don’t want to spend time with.”

You don’t understand, you sigh. I’d give anything to spend time with you. 

Jungkook pays. He says that he’s made more money accompanying wealthy socialites—even ones that don’t go to your school, because word gets around—than he would in a month’s worth of shifts at the call center. He says he’s never looking back. He’s probably not going to give up the gig for a while, either. 

“Just because you have cash now doesn’t mean you get a free pass to pay for everything we do together,” you warn. You’ve always split the price of meals, split the price birthday cakes for your friends. In the beginning of freshman year, Jungkook ate a quarter of a bag of goldfish you had and paid you fifty-three cents to account for his consumption, which you immediately sent back to him. You still fight over it, finding surreptitious ways to incorporate it into the Venmo payments you make to each other. 

“I’m rich, I can do whatever I want with my money,” Jungkook proclaims. “And if that means treating my best friend to a meal, then that means I’m gonna treat her to a meal.”

“That’s very rude of you,” you tell him pointedly. “Zero out of ten, worst best friend in the entire world. Will not accept my Venmo payments.”

Walking down the sidewalk, side by side, Jungkook wraps an arm around you and pulls you in for a side hug as you come to a stop at a traffic light. “You always do so much for me and Chaewon. You deserve to be treated once in a while, Y/N.”

“Why, ‘cause I go out to CVS at ten at night to get you Nyquil after you catch the common cold from some sweaty guy at the gym?” 

“That,” Jungkook nods, conceding, “and also because you’re one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. The people who know you are lucky to get to say your name.”

If only Jungkook knew that he was the exact same. It’s an honor to know him. It’s a blessing to love him. 

“What fancy clothes do you own?” Chaewon’s lying on your bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone. 

“I don’t know,” you respond, brows furrowing. You get up from your desk chair to start fishing through your closet,  “I have, like, some business casual stuff.”

“How about a dress?”

You whip around suspiciously, eyeing Chaewon as she lounges around in your room and acts like she isn’t plotting something nefarious. “Don’t you think you could tell me what you’re trying to convince me to do before you ask me if I have the appropriate clothing?” 

Even lying on her back, Chaewon still manages to roll her eyes, sitting up to meet your gaze. “There’s a gala tonight to celebrate some big business deal being closed and I want you to come with me,” she says like it’s a chore, exasperated. 

“Me?” You frown. “Why not Jungkook?”

“He said he had some thing to do for some other girl,” Chaewon says. The topic clearly is not at the forefront of her mind. It’s a little too obvious that it’s at the forefront of yours. “Besides, I was given no date restrictions and you deserve to have a little fun tonight. It’s a Friday!”

“I just want to stay in bed and play Legend of Zelda,” you tell her. 

“You’re already out of bed,” Chaewon points out unhelpfully. 

“Well, then I want to get into bed and play Legend of Zelda,” you rephrase. 

Chaewon pouts. “Noooo, please? It’ll be fun, I swear,” Chaewon pleads.  “It’s a huge party and hundreds of people are going to be there. Everybody gets to bring a plus one. You won’t be the only person who doesn’t know anything about business and has to cling onto their date in order to survive.”

“Gee, thanks. That makes me want to go so much,” you deadpan. 

“Seriously, Y/N. When was the last time you went out on a Friday?”

A while ago. You and Jungkook started having Mario Kart nights on Friday in the middle of your freshman year after you both came to the conclusion that every frat party smells, sounds, and tastes like the same fifty shades of college regret. You haven’t gone out since. 

“Not that long ago,” you lie. It’s been months.

“Yeah, right,” Chaewon scoffs. “Don’t think I don’t see your Bitmoji on the SnapMap sitting in your damn apartment on a Friday at 11PM,” she scolds.

“I’m gonna turn off my location,” you declare. You’ve had enough of Snapchat exposing you and your location. People can live in mystery about your whereabouts from now on. They don’t need to know. Chaewon certainly does not. 

“No excuses, you’re coming with me to the gala! You must have something to wear in that closet of yours, don’t you?” She slides off of your bed with a thud and joins you as you stand in front of your clothes. None of them scream fancy. None of them even whisper it. You stand back as she shuffles through your clothes, hangers squeaking as she shoves them along the rail. Chaewon tears through your clothing faster than you skim through your economics readings. “Aha! What do we have here?”

She whips out a dress from the very back of your closet, right behind the blazer you never wear because you’d rather be caught dead than in business attire. It’s old—you don’t think you’ve worn it since the beginning of your freshman year when you thought you actually had to dress up for parties. Needless to say, you dry-cleaned it the following Monday and never wore it again. You don’t even recall bringing it to college this year. 

“This is perfect!” Chaewon cries. “Really says ‘I can fucking dress myself’, don’t you think?”

“Are you implying that I can’t dress myself?” 

“You should definitely wear this,” Chaewon decides, dodging the question. “Gucci and Louis Vuitton are overrated, anyway.”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I.” Chaewon thrusts the dress towards you.

Chaewon shakes her head. “Of course you don’t.” 

Three hours later finds you one makeup and hair session later, standing in the lobby of a magnificent skyscraper wearing a dress that maybe could have done without the cup of frozen yogurt that you ate before you arrived. Now you remember why you haven’t really worn it since the beginning of last year. Has it shrunk?

“I feel like a loser, Chaewon,” you hiss as she bats her eyelashes and gets directed to the private elevator that will lead you both to the top floor. “A money-less, jobless loser.”

“At least you’re honest, Y/N,” Chaewon whispers back as you step into the elevator. Despite being nearly an hour and a half late (“Fashionably so!” Chaewon exclaims.) you are crowded into the back corner, several other couples stepping inside to join you, all of them wearing clothes that cost more than your tuition for all four years of college, combined. “That’s better than most of the people here.”

Nothing separates the rich from the poor like morality. 

When the elevator doors open, you and Chaewon are the last group to step out, milling about in the corner until the path is free. And when you turn your gaze away from her, you realize just why Jungkook’s so keen on going to events like these, why he never turns down an offer when it lights up his phone screen. 

In movies, rich people flaunt their wealth so extravagantly that it almost looks fake. From gigantic ice sculptures to ten-feet-tall chocolate fountains, entire orchestras and dresses worth thousands of dollars, it makes you wonder if rich people really do see those items as necessities when throwing a party. They rent out entire European castles and the press publicizes every one of their actions. To you, it looks contrived, unrealistic. Even if rich people have enough money to sustain the bottom 99% for hundreds of years, how could they spend their money on nonsense like this?

As it turns out, the ice sculptures and chocolate fountains are only half of the story.

At this gala, the hosts have spared no expense. The entire penthouse is made purely of glass, from the ceiling, to the floor, to the walls in between, giving you an absolutely breathtaking view of the city lights dozens of feet below you, of the stars millions of light years away. It’s as if you’re standing in a bubble, frozen in time, the world sparkling and twinkling and shimmering around you. You didn’t even know a place like this existed on Earth. The price to book it must be astronomical. The view, even more so. 

“Holy fuck,” you murmur, mouth dropping open at the sight. It’s a movie come to life. It’s a picture straight out of a fairytale. 

“Pretty sweet, right?” Chaewon says, clearly proud of herself for convincing you to join her. “The Parks and the Ohs really felt like celebrating.”

“No shit,” you say, dumbfounded. Chaewon wraps her arm around yours and leads you out of the elevator, her poise and grace akin to that of a princess. She’s been to this place before. She could do this in her sleep. 

“Pictures first, then we eat, and then we mingle,” Chaewon instructs, and you nod diligently. She’s the only way you’re going to make it out of this night unscathed. Without her, you don’t know what you’d do. 

On the average day of an average life of an average person, pictures means getting a stranger to take a single pic on your shitty iPhone at your worst angle, which you will begrudgingly post to your Instagram later after extensive editing. 

But this is not your average day, and these are not average lives of not average people. Pictures means professional photographers with entire setups, standing with their cameras held up to their eyes, poised and ready for the next shot. It means couples, one by one, stepping in front of a gorgeous backdrop and posing, over and over, as five photographers at once cram to get their best angle, the cleanest photo. 

You don’t know how to pose for photos. You barely remember what the proper formatting is for your essays, depending on the citation structure. And yet, Chaewon is ushering you over in front of the photographers, immediately striking one of her classic, perfect poses as you flail about, trying to figure out what to do with your hands. 

“Just relax,” Chaewon advises. Even standing beside you, she can see you panicking in her periphery. “And smile. You’re beautiful, so show them that.”

Eventually, as the photographers switch positions to get different angles, you stop worrying about your hands, stop worrying about your bag, your feet, your head tilt, and just grin. You may not have millions of dollars to your name, but it’s a Friday night and you’re living the life of a billionaire with no responsibilities. You deserve to live a little. 

When the next group comes up, Chaewon nudges you out of the way and whispers to one of the photographers, who nods dutifully in response. Wrapping her arm around yours once more, she guides you to the massive catering setup, tables and tables lined with delicacies from every country you could imagine. And of course, a gargantuan chocolate fountain in the middle of it all. 

Your stomach rumbles. Clearly, the frozen yogurt was not enough to hold you off. Or maybe it’s just because you’ve been eating college dining hall food for weeks now, and are probably going to throw up if you have to have dry beef one more time. 

“If you want to, you should try the caviar. It’s delicious. Avoid the eggplant, it tastes like foot, but the brussel sprouts are delicious. Kimchi’s good, too. Classic,” Chaewon instructs as you walk around the tables, placing servings the size of quarters onto your plate just so you can have a taste of everything. Chaewon sticks to some ribs, pan-seared salmon, and a vegetable so expensive you’ve never even heard of it before. 

“Im Chaewon, is that you?”

“Mrs. Kim!”

A strange older woman comes up to the two of you as you’re dishing up, and Chaewon’s face immediately lights up. The woman goes in for a hug, a barely-touching pat of the shoulders and hands. Over her shoulder, you watch as Chaewon rolls her eyes and pulls a face. 

“How are you, dear? You look so grown up,” Mrs. Kim says. You watch as the light slowly fades from Chaewon’s eyes with each second that passes. 

“I’m very well, Mrs. Kim. Did you get your hair done? It makes you look so youthful.” Chaewon’s a master. She glares at you when Mrs. Kim isn’t looking, raising her eyebrows as if to say learn, young padawan. This is how it’s done. They go on for a couple minutes, showering fake compliments on each other as you slowly begin to eat. You scrunch your nose up. Chaewon’s right. The eggplant does taste like foot. 

“And who is this?” Mrs. Kim asks, turning her focus onto you. You look up like a deer in headlights, a brussel sprout puffing your cheek. You were not meant to mingle and eat at the same time. 

“This is one of my closest friends, Y/N,” Chaewon introduces for you. You nod your hello, chewing the brussel sprout in the most nondescript manner possible in an effort to save whatever is left of your dignity. “She’s pre-law.”

You are not pre-law.

“Oh, how wonderful! You must have a lot you want to accomplish in life,” Mrs. Kim says. God, you couldn’t care less about how Mrs. Kim feels about you.

“Yes, definitely,” you say awkwardly. 

“We really must be going, Mrs. Kim. My parents will want me to make sure I do my rounds,” Chaewon says, a hand on your arm as she makes to get you both the fuck out of there. 

“Of course, of course,” Mrs. Kim concedes, sending you and Chaewon one final goodbye before moving on to find her next victim. 

When she leaves, Chaewon seems to let out the biggest exhale of her life. “Holy fucking shit, I thought she’d never leave,” she exclaims, grabbing a flute of champagne and downing it in a single go. “She’s an associate of my father’s, so she’s always trying to kiss my damn ass. Like, sorry that you need to brown-nose your boss and his daughter just so you bribe your idiot son’s way into college.”

“You like mingling, I take?” You joke. 

“Just murder me.”

“Have any tips?”

“Flex as hard as possible without actually flexing. Try to speak to people your age because they are usually more bearable than people older than you. The best conversationalists are anybody under the age of ten,” Chaewon tells you. She picks up another glass of Prosecco. “Want some champagne?” 

“You have it,” you tell her. “I think you need it more than I do.”

Chaewon shrugs. Not as if they’re running out any time soon. She gulps it down and places it on the tray of one of the caterers as they whiz by her. 

The rest of the night passes by in the same way the beginning of it did. Chaewon drags you around the penthouse, talking with her father’s business partners and associates and their sons and daughters and husbands and wives for no more than two minutes each before moving on. She’s got her technique down pat. Greet, compliment, shade, flex, compliment, say goodbye. It’s foolproof, because you immediately notice that everyone else in the room has adopted the same approach. 

Business gatherings like these are just one big game of who can be the most-liked and the least-liked at the same time. And the answer: everybody, all at once. 

Halfway through the evening, Chaewon collapses against the back wall, totally unafraid of the possibility of the glass giving out behind her. She doesn’t care. If it breaks, it breaks. 

“Tired?”

“I just need a break,” Chaewon declares. “Because everyone in here is so fucking fake, and you’re the only one I can talk to without wanting to rip out my eardrums.”

“I’m honored,” you say sarcastically. 

“When I say you’re the only honest one here, I mean it,” Chaewon says. You lean back against the wall next to her, looking out into a sea of people in fancy clothes with fancy food and fancy friends. “Look at all these people, Y/N. All these fucking people, and you’re the only one who’s true.”

And then, you spot him. 

He’s far away, standing in a group of people you don’t recognize, a hand on the small of another girl’s back. He’s wearing a navy blue suit, tight-fitting and tailored, a silver watch sparkling on his wrist as he adjusts his sleeves. One of the other young men in the group says something funny, and he tilts his head back to laugh, chuckling as the girl beside him curls into his arms. 

You suppose it would have been ignorant of you to assume Jungkook was elsewhere on a night like this, at a gathering where everybody who knows anybody is here. 

Jungkook must not know you’re here. He mustn't, otherwise he would have come over to find you. You must have entered at different times, spent the night wandering around different parts of the penthouse. Clinging onto Chaewon’s arms, you must have avoided his gaze, and he, yours. 

Chaewon hasn’t spotted him either. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe it’s better, if you’re the only one stuck with the knowledge that he’s here tonight. Chaewon would pity you. Other people would ask you how you knew such a worldly, experienced man like him. And you would spend the night wallowing in sadness, wondering why it’s never you that gets to spend the night next to him. 

From this distance, you can see Jungkook perfectly. The light from the moon shines down on him like a goddamn spotlight, catching the sparkling on his wrist, leaving a silver gleam in his slicked back hair. You watch as he laughs, smiles, talks, grins and beams and socializes. Of course he’s here. Of course. He’s so good at this, so good at being real and genuine and happy. 

Chaewon says the only person in the room who is true is you, but how can that be? How can that be when Jungkook, the most honest, wonderful, real person you know, is standing in front of you? You aren’t honest. You aren’t true and real and whole. You stand on the sidelines, a wallflower in a room of daisies and roses, and pine from afar. Watch as he pretends to date a girl that’s not you, wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her cheek, and you act like everything is alright. 

It sucks, being trapped like this for fear of him seeing you. You know that would be worse—if he saw you standing alone and decided to take matters into his own hands. Seeing him up close in a penthouse like this, a movie set, shimmering and sparkling, it would be worse. Jungkook pulls the girl beside him in close to his side, smiling as he listens to someone else speak. She’s the perfect height in those heels, just tall enough to rest her head in the crook between his neck and his shoulder. You imagine them walking into the room together, hand in hand. Imagine them posing for the pictures like a real couple, a pair of celebrities. 

You suppose you have no reason to be jealous of her, of him, of what they have. Jealousy is when resenting someone for having something that you once had. You never had a life like that with Jungkook. You’ll never have a life like that with him. Never get dressed up to go out, never get to be his date to an event. Never get pictures taken of you as a couple, never feed each other candies and strawberries dipped in chocolate. You can’t be jealous of her. You were never in the running to begin with. 

“Ready to get back out there?” Chaewon asks, placing a firm hand on your shoulder. 

A waiter comes by with a tray of champagne flutes, offering it to the both of you. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Chaewon tells you as she takes a glass for herself. 

You sigh, casting another glance over at Jungkook. He and his date are moving around now, joining another social circle on the opposite side of the penthouse. He looks so at ease, so comfortable. He belongs there, in the middle of it all, talking and laughing and grinning. And you? You belong back at home, underneath your duvet covers playing a game of Mario Kart. Not here. 

You shake your head. You could use a drink or two in this state. “I’d love one, actually. Thank you.”

That night, you stay at Chaewon’s place. 

“You’ve been acting weird.”

“Hello to you, as well,” you say with a scowl as Chaewon sits down across from you at the local ramen place. 

“Listen,” Chaewon begins, “I’ve been thinking. You need to confess to Jungkook.”

You nearly spit out the complimentary water you were served. “Excuse me?”

“You need to. You’ve been acting weird and that’s the only thing that’s going to fix it,” Chaewon declares. 

“What do you mean I’ve been ‘acting weird’? Care to explain?” You ask, offended. You haven’t been acting weird. Well, that weird. Maybe a little weird.

“Jungkook told me you haven’t seen each other for the last eight days,” Chaewon points out. Eight days? It’s more like seven and a half. Not that you’ve been counting, or anything. 

“So? We’re busy people,” you defend. It’s a good enough excuse. You’re sophomores in college. You have classes. Clubs. You have to meal prep. 

“So? You guys are best friends. You make time to see each other at three in the fucking morning if you haven’t seen each other yet that day. And you haven’t seen each other for eight whole days? What’s wrong with you?” Chaewon demands. 

“Nothing! What the heck, I invite you out to a best friend ramen date and you just blaspheme all over me like this?” You accuse. This is not how you imagined today to be going. This isn’t how you imagined this week to be going. “Besides, it’s only been seven and a half days. He’s over-exaggerating.”

“Seven and a—holy fuck, you are literally the worst. Can you just stop resisting? If you tell him, everything will be fine and go back to the way things were,” Chaewon says, blinking, flabbergasted. 

“No, they will not,” you hiss. “Everything will change if I tell him. We’re best friends, Chae. Imagine if I told you that I loved you. What would you do?”

“I’d love you back, that’s what!” Chaewon tells you. “You deserve to be loved back, Y/N. Nothing would change between us. I already love you. You’re one of my most favorite people ever. I would never regret something if it was with you.”

“It’s different with him, though,” you try to explain. You don’t know why—you just know that it is. The way you’re friends with Chaewon and the way you’re friends with Jungkook are entirely separate. You love Chaewon. You’re not in love with Chaewon. 

“Is it? How?” Chaewon says. 

“I don’t know, I just—it’s different with him.” There’s no way to describe it. Jungkook appeared in your life and it was as if everything just clicked into place. There isn’t a single thing in your life that makes more sense to you than Jungkook. “It’s always been different with him. With you, I—I knew that we would become really close friends once we started talking a lot more in the beginning of freshman year. But with him—I don’t know. From the moment I met him, I knew that I would fall in love with him. When he said hello to me, I was fucked. There’s never been any hope for me, Chae. I just have to live like this forever.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes. “No, you don’t. You don’t even see what the fuck is right in front of you.”

“You?”

“God, I’m friends with idiots. Literal idiots. How you guys have made it through nearly a year and a half of college is beyond me,” Chaewon says to nobody in particular. “Seriously, tell me, Y/N. What do you think will happen if you tell him? Just out of curiosity.”

“I don’t know—” you pause. A lot of things. He tells you he just wants to stay friends. He rejects you because he’s not interested that way and you can’t really be friends anymore because it’s weird now. He’s already interested in somebody else. He’s already dating somebody else and you never even knew. He’s not looking for a relationship right now. Things get awkward because you confessed to your best friend that you’re in love with him and he doesn’t feel the same. You end up never speaking to each other. You never see each other. You go through the rest of university seeing each other on the Green by chance and not knowing what to do. You graduate and move on with your lives. And suddenly, he’s just a past friend you used to have. No longer a part of your life. No longer given the chance to. “He rejects me. We never speak again and have to avoid each other at all costs. He lets me down easy and I feel like a total loser for having confessed in the first place. There’s a lot.”

“Jesus, Y/N. Aren’t you forgetting a possibility?” Chaewon says, eyebrows raised high. 

“I’m omitting a lot of them,” you tell her. Including the one where, in the next three years, you end up in a hellish dystopian wasteland and you have to band together to survive but it’s awkward and terrible because you love him still and he doesn’t feel the same, never has and never will, and now you have to fight off zombies and a corrupt autocratic government all while dealing with your own goddamn feelings. That may be the most unbearable one of them all. 

“How about the one where he actually feels the same?”

“Too unrealistic,” you tell Chaewon. It’s the truth. Why else would Jungkook be traipsing around with beautiful, rich, worldly girls on his nights off? He does it for the money, sure, but he likes it. He loves the experience, loves living that sort of life. You’d never be able to provide that for him. “You know that’s never going to happen, Chae. We’re just friends.”

“Bullshit.”

“Well, he thinks that we’re just friends. And I’m not gonna fuck everything up by telling him that I’ve been madly in love with him for the past year and a half.” You can think of nothing worse. 

“Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he thinks that the two of you are just friends because you refuse to actually show him how you feel?” Chaewon asks pointedly, eyebrows raised in disapproval. She looks about ready to walk out of the restaurant. “You never do things to give him a reason to think otherwise.”

“Why would I?” 

When your ramen arrives, Chaewon takes a deep breath, downs the rest of her glass of water, and moves on. It’s clear that if she thinks about this any more, her head will explode. 

Nothing’s ever going to change between you and Jungkook. You knew, when you first met him, that it was always going to hurt like this. That loving him was something you had to sacrifice to stay close to him. He lights up every fucking room he walks into, and it’s all you can do not to sit there and bask in his warmth. You would rather catch a single one of his rays than be in the darkness. And if being friends with him means that friends is all you’ll ever be, then so be it. You’re lucky to have him like this. Why take the plunge? 

“Just—” Chaewon says as you begin to pull apart the noodles in your own bowl. “I know that you aren’t as happy as you could be right now. And you deserve to be happy, Y/N. You deprive yourself of all of these wonderful things, and I just want you to know that you deserve every single one of them. But telling him? That’s something that even I know would make you the happiest. You shouldn’t live like this, Y/N. You have no idea what you’re missing out on if you do.”

The streak of not seeing Jungkook ends the next day, when you come back from an evening grocery store run to find him standing outside your door, hand about to knock on the wood. He’s all dressed up again, button-down and slacks, hair styled and parted, and you watch as he takes a deep breath, almost as if he’s waiting for the best time to knock. 

“Jungkook?”

He practically jumps out of his skin at the sound of your voice, nearly tripping over his own feet as he lays his eyes on you. 

“Oh, Y/N!” He exclaims. “I was just about to see if you were home.”

“You could have just texted, you know,” you say jokingly, joining him at the front door as you fumble for your keys. 

“I wanted to surprise you,” Jungkook admits sheepishly. 

“Well, make it up to me by helping me unpack these,” you demand, kicking the door open as you reach down to grab your reusable canvas bags filled with groceries. Immediately, Jungkook is leaning down to grab all of them for you, hauling them inside like they weigh nothing. You stare as he heads over to your kitchen without breaking a sweat, biceps clenching as he lifts the groceries up onto the counter. 

“What’d you get?” Jungkook asks, slowly beginning to take out the groceries. He’s in your apartment so often that he’s memorized where all of your food goes, from the correct shelf in the fridge for produce to the proper cabinet for cereal. 

“Just like… groceries. I saw a box of peppermint chocolate bars that I thought you might like, they’re in there somewhere,” you say mindlessly, pointing to a random canvas bag. Immediately, Jungkook abandons his putting-away-groceries duty to fish through each of the bags, hunting for the box of goodies. “And I got some cheap Trader Joe’s wine. You know. Just for emergencies.”

“Trader Joe’s wine and peppermint chocolate bars,” Jungkook comments, nodding in approval. He finally finds the box and tears it open sideways. “Sounds like a perfect dessert if I’ve ever heard one.”

“What, did you eat already?” You ask, busting out the wine and a couple of mugs, because you don’t own any wine glasses. Nothing says cultured like drinking seven-dollar wine out of mugs with kitschy sayings like “don’t talk to me until this is empty” or “coffee is my first love” written on them. 

Jungkook shrugs. He grabs the box and heads over to your couch, already kicking back and relaxing. “Yeah, I went to some restaurant for another double date,” Jungkook says. “It was one of those places where everything is so expensive but the portions are the size of my fist. Of your fist.”

“You sound hungry,” you note, filling up the mugs and joining him. “And mad.”

“I’m getting reimbursed for the money I spent tonight, so I suppose I could be angrier. But I’m starving. Let’s finish this entire box of chocolates and do nothing else.”

“Your words, not mine,” you say, although his proposal sounds more than appealing to you. 

You turn the television on for some background noise, switching to a channel showing old reruns of unsolved serial killer cases, because nothing sets the mood better than the words “then, slowly, he took the knife with which he killed her and began to slice away at her body”. Jungkook doesn’t seem to pay the television any attention, though, instead focused entirely on the chocolate in front of him, calling his name. 

He takes an enormous bite out of one before moaning far too sexually for your liking, tossing his head back in bliss. “Oh my God.”

“Good?”

Jungkook moans again in response.

“Please don’t orgasm on this couch. Who knows what other bodily fluids were on here before we bought it,” you ask calmly. 

“I’d say that’s nasty, but you guys did cover this with one of those couch covers, so it’s not like my body is coming into contact with other people’s body stains,” Jungkook reasons. The couch cover is the single best purchase you’ve made this entire year. Possibly your entire life. “But they’re delicious. You made a good purchase.”

“I thought you would like them,” you say. “You’re the only person I know who actually likes the combination of mint and chocolate.”

“People who say that it tastes like toothpaste are brushing their teeth with the wrong kind of toothpaste,” he tells you pointedly. “I don’t understand. This is God’s combination. It’s perfect.”

“As long as you love it, that’s all that matters,” you tell him with a pat on his back, breaking off a square of the chocolate bar for yourself. It is pretty good, even if mint chocolate ice cream does sometimes taste like toothpaste. But you’d never tell Jungkook that, of course. 

Jungkook takes a swig of the wine, picking up the mug and gulping down about half of it, the wine bitter on his tongue. “Goes great with this wine, too,” he jokes. You take a sip yourself. It’s… not very good. Actually, rather sticky. No wonder it was only seven dollars. 

“You don’t have to lie to me, I know it tastes like ass,” you tell him honestly. To be fair, you and Jungkook have both had worse. Compared to the shit served at frat parties, this may as well be beautifully-aged Malbec. 

“It only tastes a little bit like ass,” Jungkook compromises. “But it doesn’t not taste like ass.”

“Let’s finish it now so we don’t have to have any more of it later,” you decide. “You’ve probably had some of the best alcohol in your life this semester.”

Jungkook thinks back, tilting his head to the side as he begins to recall all of the instances in the past few months when he’s had anything to drink. “Soju’s still my favorite. But yeah, I’d say I’ve had wine that probably costs more than my textbooks for this semester if I hadn’t pirated them all.”

“The beauty of being a CS student,” you muse. 

“You know it,” he says, holding his half-empty mug out as a toast to himself. “But seriously, even if this Trader Joe’s wine literally tasted like garbage, it would still be better than all of that other shit.”

You turn to him, skeptical. Even the single night you spent with Chaewon, in a penthouse amongst the stars, drinking champagne and eating strawberries dipped in chocolate, was more than you could ever dream of. You woke up the next day on an air mattress in her bedroom and wanted nothing more than to go back to basking in the luxury, desperate for another taste. It was addicting. How could Jungkook ever prefer what he has right now to what he had last night? 

“Really? Don’t say that just to make me feel better,” you tell him. You can take it. Jungkook has every reason to prefer the fancy meals, the penthouses, the suits and ties to your janky little apartment and old clothes from high school. The two aren’t at all on the same level. They’re not even in the same goddamn game. If you could drop everything to have what Chaewon has, what the other girls and boys who pay for Jungkook’s company have, you would. 

“I’m not,” Jungkook tells you seriously. “I mean it. I would rather sit in your room, hunched over your tiny Switch because you lost the HDMI cord to plug it into the television, playing Mario Kart than out there, pretending to be someone I’m not.”

“But it was fun in the beginning, wasn’t it? Getting to be rich without the moral ambiguity that comes along with being part of the upper class?” You ask. It must have been. Jungkook looked so happy when he first started doing these gigs, coming back to your apartment in a state of bliss, a little tipsy from the expensive champagne and steak. He’d knock on your door and tell you all about the night, from how older businessmen handed him their cards and offered him jobs, to the hundreds of ice cream flavors you could only ever dream of eating. Everything seemed so wonderful to him.

Jungkook shrugs, pouring himself more wine. “Yeah, I guess, but it gets so old after a while. Like, no wonder Chaewon was so desperate for me to go with her that first time. It sucks the damn life out of you. You walk around and mingle and pretend that you’re the greatest person on Earth, talking about yourself and kissing up to the other people for an entire night. Honestly, sometimes it’s worse than my CS homework. And I hate that shit.”

“Chaewon mentioned that the eggplant usually tastes like foot,” you add. Jungkook nods in agreement. 

“Yeah, it does. She warned me about it the first night and I, like a fool, tried it because I usually like eggplant. And it still tasted like foot. Never again,” Jungkook says, shivering at the mere thought of it. It’s funny, actually, because you did the exact same thing. “But the food is like, the one thing I pretty much don’t have the right to complain about. It’s delicious and usually free.”

“But I hope that you’re having fun,” you tell him honestly, because you do. When you’re sitting in your room, eating two different pints of Ben & Jerry’s, you hope that Jungkook, wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, is enjoying himself more than you are. Because he deserves it. You never want there to be a time when he’s sad, when he’s unhappy or bored. Jungkook deserves to live the happiest version of life he possibly can. “I want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I do,” Jungkook says. There’s a second half to that sentence. “I do—it’s just that… It's so fake, you know? I feel like such a goddamn actor when I’m there. I get to live this extravagant lifestyle for a few hours but in return I don’t even know who I’m looking at when I look in the mirror.”

Oh?

“Like, I pretend to be this business student, when I’m not. I pretend to have millions of dollars to my name, when I don’t. I hold hands and pose for pictures with people Chaewon is vaguely familiar with and nothing, literally nothing, feels real. I don’t know.” Jungkook takes another swig from the mug. “Even the relationships I have when I’m there are fake.”

“Do you hate it that much, then?” You ask him. If it’s so awful and terrible, then why does he keep doing it? Keep dressing up and going out, holding hands with and wrapping his arm around them?

“No,” Jungkook says, sighing as he leans back into the couch. “I don’t hate it. I just—I wish I had something real afterwards to come back home to.”

Real? Like what? Like you? You aren’t real. You sit next to your best friend and pretend that everything is fine. That nothing hurts. You’ve had the biggest crush on him ever since you laid eyes on him, and you’re doing everything in your power to make sure that he’s the only one that doesn’t know. 

“That’s why I’m always coming back to your apartment afterwards,” Jungkook says. He chuckles, but it isn’t his usual laugh. It sounds forced, contrived and fake. Jaded. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it almost immediately. Then, he breathes, long and slow. Thinks. The silence is almost unbearable. Waiting to hear what he has to say, even more so. “You’re the most genuine person I know. What we share—it’s real.”

Tonight is the least lonely you’ve felt in a long time. 

Even though Jungkook has something tonight, you aren’t aching to be by his side, desperate to spend more time with him. He told you that he was really looking forward to this one, that it wasn’t going to be some stuffy gala or blind double date. He said something about going to karaoke with the girl and her friends, singing Britney Spears songs and taking shots of soju for hours on end, screaming his voice hoarse. And even if you aren’t there with him, you’re happy because you know that he’s happy, that he’s genuinely enjoying himself. 

So, you aren’t that lonely. 

Content with the state of your life as it is, you take the night off, ready to prepare yourself for a weekend that will almost certainly consist entirely of just work. Chaewon’s voice echoes in your mind (“I know that you aren’t as happy as you could be right now,” she had told you), but it’s different now. Because you are happy. You are happy, because Jungkook’s happy. The two of you see each other just as frequently as you used to. He texts you about his terrible CS homework and the Shiba Inu he just saw being walked across campus. It’s all gone back to the way it used to be. That’s what you had wanted. 

You were prepared for this. You knew that it would eventually boil down to this, down to whether or not you could take Jungkook not knowing how you feel any longer. But right now, you don’t care. Jungkook not knowing has always been a part of your friendship. The love you hold for him, in the spaces between your bones and deep in the cracks of your heart, that has always been there. You see it, hear it, feel it, whenever you’re with him. Even when you’re not with him, it will remind you, appear in the silence, the emptiness. It will always make itself known, because it’s become a part of you. From the moment you met him, it had settled into your heart.

Staring out of the window by your living room, overlooking the ugliest parking garage on campus, you sigh. You can’t see the stars from here, not even in the dead of night, but that’s alright. There is something so peaceful about the navy blue sky. About how mysterious and unknown it is. It calms you. You put on a movie that you’ve genuinely been wanting to watch for a while, sit down in your bed, amongst your duvet and sheets, pillows and plushies, and enjoy yourself, for once. It’s a good night. 

And then, much like most aspects of your terribly convoluted, over-complicated and confusing life, it all comes crashing down. 

There’s a faint thud from outside, a soft little non-noise that you assume is coming from the street. Not wanting to interrupt your movie—she’s just about to confess, holy shit—you ignore it. It’ll go away eventually. 

Then another thud. You pause, leaning towards your window to see if you can figure out the source. Silence. You’re just about to press play, when you hear it again. And again. It gets louder and louder, making up in volume what it lacks in rhythm and order, until you realize it’s someone knocking on your door. And not just knocking casually. It’s as if someone is shoving their whole body into it, shoulders and chest and feet hitting the wood as they bang on it. 

“Y/N?”

Oh, God.

Pushing off your duvet, you tug on your slippers and wipe away the crust around your eyes as you rush towards the door. You know who’s on the other side. You’re not sure if answering it is the better or worse option. 

You’ve always had an uncanny ability to pick the latter. 

When you open the door, Jungkook, in a fancy sweater pulled over a white button down and black jeans that could almost pass for dressy slacks, is standing on the other side. 

Correction: he’s sort of standing on the other side. He nearly topples over when you pull open the door, having clearly been leaning on it, and you barely have time to reach your arms out to catch him. 

“Oh! Y/N!” Jungkook exclaims, as if he’s surprised to see you inside your own apartment. “I was hoping to see you.”

“I figured,” you tell him, laughing. You guide him inside, and even in his state he remembers to tug off his clean white sneakers, kicking them towards the shoe rack. “It’s so late, Jungkook, you should go home.” 

“No,” Jungkook whines. “I wanted to see you. I missed you.”

“We saw each other this morning, Jungkook. And this afternoon, right before you went out,” you remind him. The words go in one ear and out the other, and he pulls you in close to him, wrapping his arms around you as he presses his body against yours in a sweaty hug. His grip is tight around you as he rests his head on your shoulder, breathing you in as if you’d been gone for years. Slowly, after a few seconds, you pull away from him, a hand on his shoulder to get him to look at you through his too-long bangs, hanging over his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? I’m right here, don’t worry. I never left.”

“I had a lot to drink tonight,” Jungkook tells you, blinking rapidly. “Like, a lot. They just kept ordering soju and I just kept drinking it. It was really good. Have you had strawberry soju? It’s delicious.”

“I might have had it once or twice,” you fib, not able to recall having it one way or another. “Come on, sit down,” you point him towards the couch, but he refuses, clinging onto you even as you make your way towards the kitchen. “Jungkook, please, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“But I missed you,” Jungkook repeats. “I missed you a lot. I thought about you the entire time I was there.”

You can’t say you didn’t do the same. 

“Next time we’ll do something together then, hey? Something really fun, like going to an arcade or bowling,” you promise him with a pat on his shoulder. “But you need to drink some water, JK. Can you please sit down?”

“No, I want to be with you,” Jungkook says like it’s nothing. Like the feeling of him wrapped around you like this, holding onto you and telling you that he misses you, that he thinks about you, doesn’t mean anything. You don’t think your heart has beaten since you opened the door to see him standing on the other side. 

(You don’t think it’s beaten since you met him. Since he came up to you on the pavement, asking you for directions. Since you told him your name, and he told you his.)

“Ah, fine, just be careful, I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” you concede, because it’s so easy to let him have his way, so easy to say yes to him. You manage to grab an empty water bottle and fill it up with what’s left in your Brita, too lazy to refill it after it’s left bone dry. Slowly, you make your way to your bedroom, out of view of the central living space, where your roommates could burst through the door at any moment and see you taking care of your drunk best friend on the sofa. 

Slowly, you settle on your bed, sitting off of the edge of it as you cajole him into drinking some water, whispering soft nothings to make sure he finishes the whole thing. 

“Does your head hurt or anything?” You ask him, already looking around for the stash of Advil you usually keep on your nightstand.

“No, no, I’m fine, Y/N, seriously,” he promises, even if you can see the glazed-over look in his eyes, the way his sweaty bangs stick to his forehead. “You’re too nice, you know? Always treating me when I show up at your place. Even when you don’t invite me.”

“You know I never mind seeing you,” you tell him. “You can come over whenever you want. I’m always here.”

“No, you’re not,” Jungkook says with a pout, and it makes you furrow your brows. When have you not been? Jungkook’s been going out to events ever since the beginning of the semester, and without fail, you’ve always been waiting for him at home, knowing he’ll turn up one way or another. Except, there was— “That one time a couple of weeks ago, I went to this crazy big gala with Eunha, there were so many people there, and I came back home afterwards and knocked on your door, and your roommates said they hadn’t seen you all day. Where were you that day?”

He had come? You didn’t know if he would. 

(Or maybe, you did. You knew he would show up at your door once he got back from that night, and selfishly, not wanting to see him after the fact, the leftover version of him, the part he leaves behind when he goes out. You knew he would be there and you couldn’t bear the thought of being the second girl he spends the night with. The other option. Maybe, you’ve known all along that you’ll never quite stack up to the girls he goes out with, and that sometimes, when you see him all dressed up while you’re in your hoodie and sweats, it reminds you is nothing more than a casual friendship.)

“I must have been out late with Chaewon that day, I’m sorry,” you apologize, letting him rest his head on your shoulder. “I didn’t know you would come.”

“I always come after my events. You know that.”

“I didn’t know if you’d remember to,” you correct. 

“I’d never forget about you,” Jungkook says, the alcohol erasing his filter. Making him honest. “I really missed you, that day. I had been waiting the entire night to see you.”

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again,” you promise, and this one is for real. 

“You know, today?” Jungkook says, pulling his head back so he can get a good look at you, your eyes meeting his own. “Today, I was so sad on my way here. It was so terrible, because I was drunk and sad and I missed you.”

“You were sad? What happened?” You ask, leaning in. Jungkook? Sad? Who would do such a thing to him? Who would erase the smile on his face, his crescent eyes, and replace them with tears? 

“This girl and I, she was a lot of fun. We sang a couple duets together and we were pretty good,” he hiccups, “kept winning. It was fun. She and I talked for a long time. I definitely liked her the most out of all of the girls I’ve gone out with. Besides Chaewon, of course.”

“What happened? Did she do something you didn’t want? You know you can tell me, Jungkook,” you ask, a hand on his arm. 

“No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “I don’t know. She was fun and I was drunk. We were on our way back in the Lyft when she leaned over and kissed me. And I kissed her back, and it was kind of nice. I haven’t really kissed someone like that in a while,” Jungkook tells you. And even though you’re hearing these words from him, hearing how he had all of this fun with a girl who isn’t you, how he kissed her in the backseat of a car, you rally, blinking away the tears you can feel forming in your eyes. It’s none of your business, you tell yourself. You and Jungkook aren’t together. You don’t get to feel bad about him kissing someone else. 

“Did you like it?” You ask, each word a pin in your chest. 

“It was pretty nice,” Jungkook admits. “We, uh, we made out a bit in the back of the car until we got to her place. And then we got out of the car and she asked me if I wanted to go back with her, to her room. And—and I almost said yes.” Jungkook looks about ready to combust. At his side, his fists are clenched so hard you’re worried he’ll pop a vein. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” you tell him, looking him in the eyes so he knows that you don’t mind, that he can tell you these things without worry. Jungkook may be the love of your life, but he’s your best friend, first. He’s always been, before anything else, your best friend. 

“But there is!” Jungkook cries, standing up in anguish. “There is, Y/N, you don’t understand! I almost had sex with her!”

“You’re allowed to, Jungkook!” You assure him, standing up to reach out to him. 

“No, Y/N, you don’t get it,” he tells you coldly, pulling his hand away. “Why aren’t you mad? Aren’t you angry that I nearly had sex with her?”

“No, what the fuck, Jungkook, why would I be mad?” You shout back at him. “You can do whatever you want with your body, it’s not my job to police it! I’m your friend, not your mom!”

“But don’t you want to be more, Y/N?” He rounds on you. “Don’t you want to be the one kissing me, fucking me? Why aren’t you jealous?”

“Were you trying to make me jealous, Jungkook? Is that what you were trying to do? You wanted to get a reaction out of me because my best friend nearly fucked someone else and then didn’t? What the fuck, Jungkook? What do you want from me?”

“I just want you to tell me you fucking love me back!”

“Jungkook, what—”

Jungkook, eyes dark and furious, pushes you against your closet door as your lips part, feeling the breath get knocked out of your lungs. He’s so close. He’s right there, you can see him, watch as he looms over you, hands clenched in your hoodie as he presses you against the wall. And then, wordlessly, he’s leaning down, crashing your mouths together. 

Suddenly, your heart starts. You gasp into the kiss, the feeling of his mouth on top of yours. It’s fervent, hot and angry and passionate, his body against your own as your hands reach out to press against his head. You seize up at the feeling, almost as if in shock, before melting into his touch, leaning into him, desperate. You can feel his breath mixing in with your own, feel the way his chapped lips meet your overly-moisturized ones, feel how his hands drift from where they’re bunched up in the front of your hoodie to your waist, your hips, your thighs. Jungkook kisses ruthlessly, kisses like he’s trying to prove a point. Holds onto you like he’s afraid to let go. 

When you part, gasping for air, Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, blinking. 

“Jungkook, you’re drunk—” you tell him firmly, refusing to let get your hopes up if what you have in front of you is really just an intoxicated best friend. Your heart is beating miles a minute, about ready to thump right out of you, chest heaving and mouth agape. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Jungkook argues back. “Even when I’m sober I love you. Don’t tell me I’m confused because I’m drunk.”

“You show up at my place at one in the morning, tell me about how you made out with some other girl and almost slept with her just to get me angry, kiss me, and tell me not to tell you you’re confused?” You demand. “Jungkook, I’ve never been more confused in my life than right now, can you please just—”

“I love you, Y/N,” Jungkook says, and even though he’s angry, red in the face and sweaty, when he says it, it’s soft. It’s a whisper, a murmur. He says it not to convince you, but so you know. “I’ve been in love with you for so goddamn long, ever since I fucking met you. And I thought you might like me back but you never did anything about it, and so neither did I.”

“You need to go home, Jungkook,” you tell him, hiccuping. When you blink, you feel the warm tears streaming down your face. You hadn’t even noticed them. “You can’t just come into my apartment and tell me shit like that. How do you think it makes me feel?”

“Do you feel the same, Y/N?” Jungkook asks, looking you in the eyes. He’s angry, that’s for sure, but even underneath, you can see the desperation, see how he’s just waiting for an answer. 

“Go home, Jungkook. Please. Let’s talk about this when you aren’t drunk, okay? I’m confused and I need to clear my head,” you plead, pushing him towards the door. “Please, okay? Be safe, too. I’ll call Chaewon to give you a ride,” you tell him, grabbing your phone. 

Jungkook puts a hand on your wrist. “I’ll be okay, Y/N. I just… Please, tell me. Did that kiss mean anything to you?”

“Yes, it did, but Jungkook, I can’t—”

“It meant something to me, too,” he tells you firmly, lets the words sink into the air around you.  He heads for the door, pulling on his shoes. He looks so sad. “Good night, Y/N.”

You place a hand on the doorknob. “Good night, Jungkook.”

It’s barely nine in the morning the next day when a knock wakes you up. It’s soft at first, one every couple of seconds, before it gets progressively louder. Slowly, you get out of bed, trying to tame your hair as you rub the sleep from your eyes. 

“Y/N’s in her room. Is that for her? That’s so cute. Yeah, she’s probably awake. You can just knock.” It’s your roommate. 

You scramble to make your bed, pouring some water from the water bottle by your nightstand into your hand and splashing your face, wiping it away with an old t-shirt as you run towards the door, pulling it open just in time. 

On the other side is a much more tired, much less drunk Jungkook, one hand raised and about to knock, the other holding a bouquet of daisies. 

“Hey,” he says shyly, mouth breaking into a smile the moment he sees you. 

“Hey,” you say back. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, head hurts like hell, though,” Jungkook says. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, s-sure, of course,” you say, stepping aside to let him into your bedroom. 

“These are for you.” Jungkook holds out the bouquet towards you, wrapped up neatly in cellophane and tied at the stems with a bow. “So you don’t have to keep Febreze-ing your room all of the time.”

“They’re beautiful, Jungkook,” you tell him, grinning as you take them from his hands. Today feels different from yesterday. It feels lighter, fresher. New. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I—” He pauses, taking a second to think, “I meant what I said, yesterday. Maybe not all of it, but. Most of it, yeah. I meant it.”

“Why did you try to make me jealous, Jungkook?” You ask him. “Why did you think that would work?”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook admits. “I shouldn’t have, and I fucked up. I just got so… so tired of waiting to see if you’d ever come around. I just wanted you to tell me. And then I guess I got so fed up that I told you instead.”

You place the bouquet on your dresser before walking towards him, reaching a hand out. “Yeah, that was a pretty big asshole move of you,” you chide, grinning to yourself. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” He sighs. 

“But I’m happy you’re here,” you tell him. “And happy that you meant what you said. Maybe it could have been said in a less angry way, but hearing it made me happy.”

“I’m happy that you’re happy.” Jungkook grins. “You’re my favorite person, Y/N.”

“When you asked me, yesterday, if that kiss meant anything to me? And I said it did?” You begin, Jungkook nodding in front of you. He’s positively beaming. “It still does. I want to do that every day, Jungkook. Every hour. Every single second for the rest of my goddamn life.”

“You do?” Jungkook asks. 

“I love you, Jeon Jungkook. From day one, it’s always been you.” You smile, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Feels like you’re fucking flying. Like you’re weightless. 

“I love you, too, Y/N. I never want to be away from your side,” he declares, and like a cheesy, rom-com movie, like the shitty novels you used to read in eighth grade, he pulls you in close and presses a kiss against your lips. Wraps his arms around your waist as he holds you tight, kisses you in the middle of your bedroom, in your hoodie and sweatpants, a bouquet of daisies on your dresser. He kisses you because he can, because for every second of every day for the rest of your goddamn life, he can kiss you, over and over and over. 

“We owe Chaewon an apology,” you tell him when you’re parted, sitting on your bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms. 

“Hell yeah we do,” Jungkook agrees. “She’s been on my ass for ages about telling you.”

“Mine too.”

“She’s such a great best friend,” Jungkook comments. “Knew all this time that her two friends were madly in love with each other and didn’t say a damn word to either of us. That’s loyalty.”

“We should do something for her, to make up for it all,” you suggest. 

“You know,” Jungkook says, grinning, “I know this guy who made bank this semester by going on fake dates with a bunch of really rich girls. Maybe he could help.”

“I know him, too,” you joke. “He’s the love of my fucking life.”

Jeon Jungkook quits his job on the ninety-eighth day of the fall semester of his sophomore year.

You know this because on the ninety-eighth day of the fall semester of your sophomore year, he comes banging on the door of your apartment shared with three other girls at 7:18PM, eighteen minutes after he normally heads out on one of his many dates. 

“Y/N!” He shouts, banging wildly on your door. You rush over to open it, letting the pasta water on the stove boil over and sizzle on the heat. He’s barely gotten in a second knock when you turn the doorknob to reveal your smiling boyfriend in his oversized hoodie.

“Don’t tell me you’re blowing someone off for me,” you say, inviting him inside. He places a kiss on your cheek on the way in, taking off his shoes and coat as you rush over to take care of the pasta.

“Me? Blowing someone off? Never,” Jungkook says, mock offended. “I actually quit the dating thing, this afternoon. A girl asked if I was free and I said that I wasn’t, because I have to go home to my girlfriend making me a meal. Don’t you love the sound of that?” He asks, pleased with himself.

“You quit? I thought you liked doing that stuff,” you say, using the spaghetti fork to move around the linguine. “Hope you’re cool with boring old pasta for your meal tonight. You could have had caviar if you hadn’t quit.”

“I don’t care, it smells so good,” Jungkook tells you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he stands behind you, watching you cook from over your shoulder. “Look at you, being all domestic and shit. It’s very cute.”

“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re the better cook, I get it. Pasta is all I got right now.” You pout, turning down the heat as you move to pour yourselves two cups of tea. Jungkook follows you the entire way to the kettle, grip on your waist never faltering. “You can keep going on those dates, you know. I don’t mind. I get to see you in a suit when you get back, and then I get to take it off of you. It’s a win-win.”

Jungkook pinches your waist in response. “If you have a thing for suits, you can just tell me, you know. I won’t be mad.”

You turn around to whack him with the spaghetti fork. “I do not!”

“Alright, Y/N, guess I won’t wear a suit next time you call me at two in the morning—”

“I never said you couldn’t,” you interrupt, making Jungkook laugh. 

“You’re so cute, Y/N,” Jungkook coos as you begin to dish up the pasta, making sure to add peas because Jungkook loves peas with his spaghetti. “But I quit because I have enough money to sustain me for the rest of the semester. I’ll work over break and get a new job next semester when the new work-study positions open. Don’t worry about me,” he assures you. 

“But didn’t you like going out and everything? Getting dressed up and drinking fancy champagne?” You ask, setting the plates down at your dinky kitchen table, a single scented candle lit in the center. 

Jungkook thinks about it for a split second, and then he shakes his head. “Nah. I like hanging out with my girlfriend more.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” you reason with a grin. 

Jungkook laughs, leaning over the table to plop a kiss on your lips. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, you pea-eating loser,” you chide, “I love you too.”

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback!

↳ check out the post-script drabble here!

[candycane-hockeymom]

Dear Author of the Hockey Holidays 2022 fic exhange

Thank you for participating and yay for writing for me! I’ve always been super excited about every gift fic I have received, and I’m looking forward to the privilege of receiving the fic that you want to write.

That said, some guidelines on my preferences as a reader and some reasons why I chose the pairings in my request below.

Likes: good writing. Characters with dubious morals but maybe sort of a good heart. I love good characterization and character dynamics, be it romance, porn or a gen fic studying personal development of an athlete in his sports career or group dynamics of a sports team.

As themes/tropes I like friends to lovers, fuckbuddies to lovers, and any kind of scheming, pwp, Locker room gang bangs, Winner’s room. I love equal partners, but I also find status imbalances & age and size differences HOT.

Dislikes: a/b/o, mpreg, tentacles, body horror, gore, rule 63, suicide/self harm. Not very much into BDSM AU either but I do like kinky elements in smut. I don’t want to see any mentions of Alexander Ovechkin. No slander of irl SO's or writing them as villains, but I’m OK with them existing in the story, even if it involves cheating. I'm not a fan of hockey fights.

About AU:s: I’m more into mundane, realistic AU:s than fantasy / magical / etc but have read some great fics with magical realism so if supernatural elements make you tick as a writer and make this the fic you want to write, I’ll be looking forward to the result.

A plot heavy thriller or action story would also be exciting to read, so if you have some ideas for a crime AU fic in a film noir atmosphere, go ahead! Soldiers, secret agents, spies, cops, mobsters, detectives...

In general, Sebastian Aho is my favorite player and the favorite character to read about. I’d love to see the confident, at times even cocky, sassy, pushy and dominant, leader that the 25-year old has grown into, in fic form. If you want to, you can add in or refer to other Sepe pairings if that fits your fic idea: I like polyamory, open relationships and slutty characters sleeping around. The only pairing I’m not into  is Sepe/Seth Jarvis (yes there’s some great fic for them but Jarvy doesn’t attract me at all and I don’t ship them)

I’m very attracted to Brent Burns at the moment; the way he moves and carries his big body looks so effortlessly strong, and his personality seems great.

Prompts for requested pairings:

Sebastian Aho/Teuvo Teravainen: my hockey otp. I like them both as friends and as lovers; new teammates to ride-and-die friends to lovers embodies it all. I love their bond. I love love, friendship and mutual appreciation. They're besties! They're boyfriends! They’re the Finnish Connection! They're husband and his little housewife who have grown into a bosslady/laid back skill dude power couple!

Brad Lambert/Blake Wheeler:  Wheeler lost his C, Lambert wasn't drafted higher than 30th after rumours of attitude and ego problems in Finland. Both may hold a grudge for life itself and be willing to take it out on someone who just happens to be there. Dubious consent? Problematic abuse of power dynamics? Not a problem. But, if you prefer to write a healthy, healing gen fic, it's just as welcome as unhealthy darkfic.

Sebastian Aho/Brent Burns. Two hot bodies. Two star players. Age and size difference. Brent’s tattooed thighs. 

Sebastian Aho (b. 1997)/Justin Williams Sebastian loves his role model ok?

Sebastian Aho (b. 1997)/Rod Brind'Amour/Justin Williams: Sebastian loves his role models.

Sebastian Aho (b. 1997)/Rod Brind'Amour: Do I have to repeat myself?

Brent Burns/Carolina Hurricanes ensemble: Gen fic about getting settled in a new team (sports or AU) or a welcome bang of some sort, your choice. Or getting settled with the team and having a budding romance with one of the players, that’s fine too! Or even a love triangle, player 1 is interested in Burnzie but he has hots for player 2...

All of this is just to give you ideas, not to limit your creativity! Have fun writing and take care of yourself, Happy Hockey Holidays!

This is my hidden side Tumblr. The actual ones are @caixxa (main) and @badhockeymom (hockey).

If you have more questions, anon ask on any of these blogs works.

[kerie-prince]

scent of theirs

Draco Malfoy x Non-Binary!reader (fluff)

requested: (anon) Hello! Could I request Draco x Non-binary Y/n they were childhood friends but Draco stopped talking to them because they were sorted into Hufflepuff and then in their 6th year Slughorn makes the Amortentia and they smell each other and Draco is scared because he doesn’t think y/n would want him?

summary: Your lifelong best friend didn't take your sorting too well in your first year of Hogwarts. It saddened you, but you learned to move on. Only thing is, you actually haven't. And neither did he.

a/n: i hope this turned out well! i did lot's of research on what it means to identify as non-binary so if it's wrong, let me know so i can re-write it!

(gif not mine; creds to owner)

You’ve been through many things growing up; at age 5, your father passed away due to a blood curse. At age 9, you broke your right arm from a fight with a boy twice your size and surprisingly won. And at age 11, a few months before your first day at Hogwarts, you realized that you didn't identify with the societal norm of just one gender. During all these events, there's been one person by your side: Draco Malfoy.

Draco’s been your best friend since birth. Your families are some of the oldest pureblood wizards and companionship had joined the families for generations. At one point, you actually believed that the Malfoy’s were your own blood relatives, but unfortunately they’re not. Didn’t matter, you still called his parents ‘Auntie and Uncle’.

Your best friend was running down to your house, Dobby straight on his tail yelling, “Young Master, wait for me!” The young boy ran up to the door and knocked with high energy, not stopping until someone opened the door. “Hello Master Draco-” your housemaid was cut short as he ran past her and ran straight to your room. Looking inside, you weren't there. His next best guess was in the greenhouse. He ran in and saw you watering the mandrakes. “Y/N! I got my letter!” Draco waved the parchment around excitedly. “Where’s yours?”

You had a disappointed look on your face. He mirrored the same look until you started laughing. You pulled out your letter from the pocket of your jeans with a smile. ‘Don’t joke like that again,” Draco scolded. Later that week, his parents took you two to Diagon Alley shopping for supplies. The entire time, Draco talked about how excited he was for the both of you to start your educations and most importantly, be sorted into Slytherin together.

When the hat placed on your head announced ‘Hufflepuff’, he felt strange. But in his mind, the one who was strange was you. From then on, he stopped talking to you while you were at school. During breaks, he’d put on his best act in front of your families but behind closed doors, he reminded you of how he thought of your house; weak and pathetic.

Now, in sixth year, you two had completely cut ties. Your families still enjoyed each other's companies, though. You walked the hallways with your best friends Justin, Ernie and Hannah. “How do you suppose this new professor is?” Ernie asked. From what you saw at the first feast of the year, Slughorn looked somewhat quirky. Of course, no one could beat Trelawney. “Hopefully, he’s nice,” you said.

An arm bumped against yours in the hallways. Even though they bumped into you, you were the one to say ‘sorry’. A familiar voice, now deeper, scoffed at you. “Watch where you’re going, idiot.” Draco looked at you with hateful eyes. He kept walking with his crew of followers.

It hurt you that the person you grew up with became a stranger through the years. And what hurt the most was that even though he stopped being your friend, your love for him never ceased. He never bullied you nor misgendered you. It was a small indication that he still cared for you.

As you and your friends took your seats, you waited for Professor Slughorn to start his lesson. Everyone stared as Harry and Ron came into class late and you stifled a laugh when they were seen fighting for a book. “Now, class, can anyone tell me these concoctions I have on this table?” Half of the class had their hands raised. “Ah, Miss/Mr. Y/L/N-”

“It’s just Y/L/N,” you and Draco stated at the same time. You looked into his light blue eyes. He didn’t meet yours. Slughorn looked at the papers in his hand that had the list of students and surely enough was a mark next to your name to just call you by your last name per your request. “Yes, terribly sorry. Can you tell me what this potion is called?”

The pink mist in the air was recognizable. “That would be Amortentia.”

“Very good. Would you explain to the classroom what it does?” Slughorn asked.

You stepped closer to the table, “This is one of the most powerful potions to date. Specifically, it’s a love potion. It takes the scent of the person you desire. When given to a person, they fall in love with the first person they see.”

“That is correct, thank you Y/L/N.” You went back to your friends as he dismissed you, “Today, we will be making Amortentia and you will record what, or in better words who you smell. Once I’ve seen that you’ve properly brewed the potion, you will start a paper on the dangers of using this potion incorrectly which will be turned in at the end of this week in my office. You may begin now.”

At your table, your friends decided to turn it into a group effort; one will gather all the ingredients and one will read the instructions out loud as you all worked with your own cauldrons. You volunteered to gather the ingredients. In the back of the class, you reached for a glass jar. A pale hand also reached for the same jar and brushed his hands with yours.

Draco looked at you with the signature scowl, “Get your own, Y/L/N.” He grabbed the one you had your eyes on and turned away.

“Thank you,” you whispered. Draco stopped in his tracks at your words. “For what?” he asked as he looked over his shoulder. “For… that. Earlier in class,” you reminded him.

He looked forward, straightened his back and replied, “It’s nothing.” When he left, you felt something within you. Sadness, yes. But a little flutter in your chest. You were able to find another jar and headed back to your table with your housemates. It was quite surprising how easy it was to make Amortentia. “You’d think that for something that’s so powerful, it would be difficult to make,” Hannah pondered once she finished her potion.

“Alright, what do you guys smell?” Justin asked.

“I smell,” Hannah started, “gardening pots, flowers, and shampoo.” Justin, Ernie and you all looked at each other and smirked as you looked at Neville across the room. “Wonder who that could be,” Ernie teased. “Shut it. Who’s next?” Justin nor Ernie wanted to go. Ernie insisted that he didn’t smell anything from his. “Maybe I made it wrong,” he used as an excuse. “No, because we all made it the same way so it should be right,” Hannah pressed on.

“Fine, I’ll go,” you declared. You nervously took in the scent from your cauldron, not knowing who you would smell. Or maybe you did but didn't want to admit it to yourself. “I smell men's cologne, apples, and fresh toothpaste.” You knew instantly who it was. Without knowing, Draco had heard you from his table. His eyes bore into yours and you couldn't tell what he was thinking.

From behind you, Slughorn surprised you as he looked into your cauldron. “These are brewed beautifully, good work. You may be excused or if you’d like, you can start your papers in class.” With that, you grabbed your things and walked out the class ignoring the questions from your friends.

You made a straight line into Myrtle’s bathroom knowing no one comes in here. Her cries were drowned out as you stood over the sink. You potentially confessed out loud about your feelings for Draco for everyone. All you could do was hope that no one picked up on it. But the look on his face was confirmation enough that he knew.

The bathroom door was heard opening and you panicked. You could've sworn no one comes here. Here you thought you could just bask in embarrassment alone.

A silhouette came closer to you in the poorly lit bathroom until it became clear who it was. “Draco, what are you doing here?”

“Can we talk?” He asked gently. “Why? So you can make fun of me? Just get it over with and go back to your friends so you can laugh at me all you'd like.”

“Will you just shut up and listen to me?” Draco didn't try to hide his annoyance. “In class, who did you smell in the potion?”

“What, now you want me to say it? Was me saying out loud for the whole class to hear not enough for you?” You kept jabbing at him as you tried to hold your tears. “I’m not really in the mood for this, Draco. I’d like to be left alone.” He sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead. You didn't understand why he was annoyed. You half expected him to have laughed at you even though he’s never actually done that in the past few years.

Draco cleared his throat and walked closer to you. “Do you want to know what I smelled?” His gaze was soft and voice low. You stood frozen before him before you scoffed with your arms crossed, “You gonna describe Parkinson to me?”

“I smelled roses, cinnamon, and chocolate,” Draco’s gaze never faltered from you. Without noticing, he stood inches from you. The words clicked in your head when you heard he named three of your favorite things.

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” You uttered. He took one of your hands in his and rubbed it gently. “Before I heard you, that’s what I smelled. You were who I smelled in that Amortentia. Not Pansy, not anyone else. And when I did, I never thought that you would feel the same. I thought that after the way I’ve treated you, you had forgotten all about me. I’m sorry for acting the way I did when you got sorted into Hufflepuff.” His confession shocked you to say the least.

A tear fell down on your cheek. What do I say to this? you thought to yourself. Before thinking, your mouth spoke for you, “I forgive you.” Deep down, you meant it. Your reply made Draco smile before he pulled you in for a hug. “And one more thing,” he said. He pulled away just enough to look at you without letting go, “Would you be my… my partner?”

Your heart skipped a beat from his proposal. Everything was happening quickly and your mind was going on overdrive as your stomach had been filled with butterflies. Just an hour ago, you two were strangers who didn't look eye-to-eye anymore. But now, Draco was asking you to be his partner. Inside, you knew the answer. It was clear.

“Yes,” you accepted. Not even seconds later, he kissed you with passion. His lips were just as soft as you imagined. And he thought the same of yours. Years of being estranged to each other all ended that day as your newfound partner walked outside into the hallways with you beside him.

His partner. It has a nice ring to it.

—

requests are open!

[impala1967dwinchester]

Teacher!Dean Winchester: Crayons

Pairing: Teacher!Brother!Dean x Sister!Reader 

Pov: Deans 

Warnings: Cute Dean, fluff, lots of laughs, Dean making kids giggle, Dean being great with kids, Talk of Deans baby Y/n 

Summary- Dean and his sister (Y/n) doing cute little projects with his pre-school/ kindergarten class. 

Word Count: 3k 

Main Masterlist: 

Taglist: @akshi8278​ @deanswaywardgirl​

I’ve been working for the cute little mam and pop, day-care. This year will mark the second year I’ve been here.  

I grow-up with loving parents, and a baby sister. When Y/n was born I felt the natural pull to protect her, and make she was safe at all times. My parents, let me take that brotherly role in her life. My baby sister Y/n was only a year younger than me, so we pretty much did everything together.  

When we were in elementary school, I’d walk Y/n to her kindergarten class, and then I’d walk to my first-grade classroom. I honestly can’t believe I still remember that memory.  

I walked up the hall and to my classroom door. I had only had these kiddos for about three weeks now, but there were making great progress. And since today was Friday I thought it be cool if I dressed up a little and we had an arts and crafts day.  

I looked down at my watch, the digital numbers popping up it read “8:30″. ‘Great I had enough time to pull out all the supplies, and have a few more cups of coffee to keep up with the little munchkins.’  

I set my half empty coffee cup on my desk in the front of the classroom, and open the shades letting the morning sun fall into the class room. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through the abundance of playlists on my Spotify account.  

This was the only time, when the kids weren’t in my room was, I allowed to listen to my type of music. “Heck yeah, let’s rock baby.” I said as I clicked the most recent playlist.  

I set my phone down on my desk and walked around the room. I had a fairly small class this year. I had 2 baby girls that were only about ten months old, but the rest of my class was 2 years, which had the attention span of a Nat, and had the most energy I had ever seen.  

Ya, see I love working with this age group. The babies which have to come to day care are the most adorable little girls I had ever seen. Little toes and babbles coming from them as I would change them into their afternoon outfit, or we sit down and eat.  

My other kiddos were just having equally adorable. They’d raise their hands for everything, they also asked the oddest of question, but I think what I love most about being with these kiddos every day is that they make me so much happier.

I generally wake up in an over-all happy mood, but the minute my kiddos step into my room. I can feel the joy raise through me, starting at my toes and ending at head. And just like any day, I’m always the first to make it to the daycare. The second person to make their way into the building was my co-teacher. My co-teacher just so happens to be Y/n. She had a thing for being late, but I didn’t mind.  

Y/n walked into the classroom, setting her belongings on the rounded desk in the back of the classroom. When Y/n had told me, she had interned to be a part of the daycare I couldn’t help but feel so excited.  

Y/n and I’s relationship was prefect damn near unbreakable. Something about having her by my side thirty years later had a great feeling. “Hey big bro!” She said as she looked up after setting her things down on her desk.  

“Hey sis, you get enough sleep last night?” I asked knowing she probably didn’t, not with the way those two-year-old ran her ragged yesterday. Y/n and I had a system to how we took care of our class. I’d take Monday with the two-year-old, and then Tuesday I spent with the baby girls, Wednesday I was with the big kids again and then Thursday I was with the babies yet again Friday I’d take the big kids.  

Then the cycle would change and Y/n would start with having the big kids Monday. I went over to the paper section, pulling out craft paper, crayons and markers for the kids to play with. “Today if you can’t tell by my amazing outfit, it’s craft day.” I said walking past Y/n desk in the back, as I kicked out the raveling carpet.  

I set the paper down at my desk. The day care didn’t open until nine fifteen. “Sis, what may it be?” I said fancying my best London accent, doing things like this made me even happier, it got me in a mood to see my kiddos in the morning.  

“Tee time may be nine ten brother.” Y/n said trying her fancy on the old London accent. I got up, quickly turning my playlist off and standing neither my door, other teachers were starting to the same. I waited, and the first child I saw was one of baby girls. Her name was Amber. Her mother said hello handed me her Amber’s bags and then said a short and quick bye-bye to her daughter. “Y/n, Come get amber and bring her to the back room.” I said Y/n came running taking Amber to the back room.

The back room was meant for any kiddos under the age of one year old. It was a quiet space for them, a space dedicated to just them. When I handed Amber off, I heard coo at the Y/n, “Awe, good morning sweetheart.” I heard Y/n say has she walked father away from me and closer to the back room.  

The next kiddo was the other sweet baby girl. “Hey, Dean. I like the outfit today.” Said Poppies mother, and she handed me a sleeping poppy, and of course her bag for today. “And look you two match, how adorable.��� Poppies mother said before kissing her baby's temple and then walking out the front door. The sun was starting to peak further above the horizon.  

I figured since Y/n wasn’t back yet that she was probably putting amber things in the respectful place. I set Poppy down slowly and softly. “Well, the two baby girls are here, you need anything with these two and I’m right outside okay, sis.” I said as I saw Y/n come back from the little kitchenette we had in the back room.  

AS Y/n got closer to me, she too noticed the matching outfits that me and Poppy were wearing. “You and poppy match today!” She spoke. Both poppy and I were wearing striped shirts, and dark blue overalls. The only different was that Poppy had a cute little bow in her short hair. “Okay, I’ve got to go out into the classroom and get ready for the other kiddos.” I said to Y/n before walking out of the back room.  

When I made it to the door, Justin, Rachel, Cassie, and Paula were standing outside with their parents. ‘Good morning!” As each kid kissed their mothers' cheeks and ran over to me.  

after all the parents had left, saying their goodbyes. We all went into the classroom. Like I said before my classroom room size was fairly small. Which I of course didn’t mind.  

The kids put all their belongings on the little racks, and ran over. In the morning time we’d sit around in a circle and say one good thing that happened yesterday. I never picked on the kids, I just let the first kid that wanted to go, start us off.  

Rachel was the first to start us off. “Yesterday, my mommy and I had ice cream for dessert.” She said her high and squeaky voice, making me smile. “Oh, that sounds awesome! Do you remember what flavor?” I asked sitting down like the kids were. “it was CHOCOLATE!” Rachel screamed the last part. “Oh, that does sounds yummy.” I spoke.  

The next kiddo to go was Paula, she started off by saying “When i got home yesterday, I help my daddy make dinner. And we had mac and cheese.” She said rubbing her tummy as she looked back at that not do long ago memory.  

Justin interrupted me before I could say anything “Mr. Dean? Where’s miss Y/n?” He spoke. playing with his shoe strings. “That a good question, but remember we have to raise out hand if we are going to ask a question.” I spoke. “I’m sorry.” Justin said.  

“To answer Justin question, Miss Y/n is in the back room’ I said pointing towards the door in the back. ‘She’s taking care of the babies today, like I did yesterday.” I spoke.  

“Really?” The four kids said in unison. I laughed a little. “Yes, Now Justin would you like to share your good thing?” I asked. “Of course, I want to share Mr. Dean. Yesterday, I helped my sissy with her make-up.” He said putting both his hands on his hips.  

I again laughed, another reason why I love working with kids. They are always no matter what so eccentric. “Okay Cassie, what was one good thing that happened yesterday?” I asked. Cassie and I had a rocky start in the begging of class. She was an overly shy girl, and talked softly. But she grew comfortable with me. “Mr. Dean?” She asked getting up from where she had been sitting. “Can I whisper it to you?” She asked.  

I just shook my head; she came closer and cupped her hands around my ear. “Yesterday, I told my mommy and daddy I couldn’t wait to come back to class.” She said in a very quiet whisper.

Awe I thought to myself, and said out loud. “I’m glad your excited to come to see me.” wrapping one of my arms around Cassie already small body and hugged her. “Okay kiddos, since today is the last day of the week. We’re are going to arts and crafts.”  I spoke.  

“Yay!” Justin said getting up and walking over to the little table. I looked over at Cassie, and smiled. she gave me a short smile and walked over to where Justin was. So, I got up and made sure that Rachel and Paula were walking with me. Once they were all sitting down at the table.

I grabbed the different colored papers, and the crayons and markers. Placing everything in the middle so they would be able to share. "Now kiddos, if you want anything else. I will be at my desks.” I spoke.

I sat down at my desk, trying to figure out anything else that I could do with the kiddos since today was Friday. ‘We could sit down and watch a movie; I could wait for them to do finished with their crafts, and then do another craft all together.’ I thought to myself.  

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard the back-room door open, “Um, Mr. Dean. I need your help!” Y/n said. The kids rose their heads, but went back to coloring when they noticed it was just Y/n. “Listen kiddos, I have to go help miss Y/n, so just continue doing your drawing.” I spoke. I heard a “Okay, Mr. Dean.”  

I walked to the back-room, Y/n walked back through the door, not shutting it. “What’s up Y/n? ” I asked. “I just needed your help, getting them into their afternoon clothes. They both had accidents.” Y/n said walking over to grab Amber and Poppy’s bag.  

“Alright then, let's get started.” I said taking Amber’s bag. When I came over to where Y/n and had laid them out on the soft blanket on the floor, Amber had her small hand wrapped around her small ankle chewing softing on her big toes. “Awe sweetie, not that icky.” I said taking her foot from her mouth. Amber’s mother had packed two different outfits, one being a short sleeve shirt that said “Daddy's girl!” in purple glitter with a black skirt. Her second outfit was a long sleeve that had a momma and baby elephant on it, with blue leggings.  

I held up either one of the shirts, I know she’s only ten, but I bet her Amber’s mom is letting her choose some sort of her outfits. I held the shirts up and Amber did the thing that most kids her age do which is grabby hands. Amber wanted to wear the elephants, which meant she was pants.  

So, I lightly lifted Amber's head to let me put her head in through the hole at the top of the shirt, then I had to grab her arms. Amber had this thing when you changed her cloths. All the sudden she’d become a wiggle worm. Finally, after a few minutes of trying to grab her arms, she let me. I gently put her hands and arms through the holes. Afterwards I put her leggings on and I sat her up in my lap.  

“The kiddos out there asked where you were today?” I said catching Y/n attention. “Did they? Awe that’s cute” She said had she lifted Poppy into her lap. “I’ve got them drawing out there, since it’s Friday.” I said “I figured you go easy on since today is Friday. Yesterday I tried to teach them number one through twenty, but it didn’t work out as I planned.” Y/n said laughing a little when poppy babbled into her lap.  

“I was thinking that we could let them watch a Disney movie and feed these girls, maybe go for nap time too.” I said lightly bouncing Amber in my lap, and she chewed on her binky. I saw Y/n face contort like it always did when she was thinking.  

“I don’t see why not; what movie were you thinking?” Y/n asked. Without missing a beat “Frozen” I said, a little giggle erupted from my younger sister. “Okay, I guess we got a plan then.” She said putting Poppy on her hip, and walking towards the door, so I followed her. “Let’s go Amber!” I said putting her on my hip and walking out of the room.  

When I walked out the kiddos were still coloring and drawing. “Alrighty kiddos let’s be done with coloring. Because we are going to watch a movie.” I said All heads turned and looked at me, in the moment you could hear a mouse scurrying across the floor for how quiet it was.  

“What movie are we watching?” Rachel said after raising her hand. “Rachel we are watching Frozen!” I said as I put Amber in the high chair. All that could be heard for a few seconds was screams of happiness.  

“Alrighty calm down, kids. I want you all to go sit on the carpet in the front of the classroom.” Y/n said as she buckled Poppy in her high chair. “I’ll get the movie started, and you get the babies food.” Y/n said. “Okay.”  

I walked in to the back room and grabbed their food. Y/n had finished set-up the movie and it had already started playing the starting credits. She walked back over, and grabbed a fandom one from my hand, and we started to feed the babies.  

The kiddos watch the movie in silence, at one point close to when Anna meets Kristoff. The babies were done eating so we took them out of the high chairs and set them down in our laps as we sat behind the kids. When Cassie noticed that we were now on the floor, she turned around, and crawled over to me.

Laying down and resting her head on my thigh. “Are you tired Cassie?” I asked, all I got in response was a hum. I smiled, and brushed her arm. I felt the change in her breathing. I looked over at Y/n. “Cassie is out and so is Amber. Should we call it?” I asked her. She looked down at Poppy. “Poppy is asleep, and I think so is Justin.” She said looking at the kids.  

Y/n got up with poppy in her arms. She came over and grabbed a sleep Amber in my arms. And brought them into the backroom. I gently picked up Cassie, she didn’t weight much seeing as she was asleep. I moved her over to the sleep mat, and grabbed her a blanket, before walking over and noticing that the once awake Rachel and Paula were asleep, which made this whole process just so much more easier, Y/n walked out of the back-room and noticed the same thing as me.  

Whispering Y/n said “Looks like they did the job for us.” Giggling she picked up Rachel, and brought her over next to Cassie. I picked up Justin, now he weighed more than Cassie, causing me to grunt a little when I picked him up. I heard Y/n giggle a little at me. “Stop laughing at me, he’s heavy then I thought.” I said setting him down. Y/n grabbed Paula and did the same thing with her.  

“At least they are all asleep.’ She spoke. ‘I could use a lap.” She said leaning her head against my shoulder. I leaned my head against the top of hers. “How about we just take a little nap since it’s the last day before the weekend.” I spoke. She shook her head.  

We waked over to the shades that I had pulled letting the morning sun in, and Y/n pulled them back, and then she slides down to the floor, and sat down next to her and she rested the head of my shoulder, “I’m glad I work with you De.” She said a yawn passing her lips.  

“I’m glad you’re here to help, Y/n.” I said patting her knee. I kiss her forehead, something I had done since she was a baby girl. I kissed her forehead every night when it was time to go to bed. “I love you, big brother.” She said before she hugged me tightly. “I love you too baby sis.” Hugging her back.  

Completed: 03/16/2021 

[nightswithkookmin]

G I R L

I just saw y the HYBE x Ithaca Holdings video and it really hit me with some realisations. HYBE partnering with them is bound to change some things in a huge way. Collabs and economics notwithstanding, Ithaca is home to NUMEROUS big name artists. I want to focus on the fact that: (1) Beiber is a heavily tattooed dude, I wonder if this fact will give some leeway for Kook to be a bit more free with his existing tatts or allow him to continue getting more. (2) Demi is an openly queer woman. This, along with how open Ithaca’s artists are with their support for the LGBTQ+ community, makes me wonder how it will influence HYBE artists who might be queer themselves (looking at Jikook 👀). I fully know that culturally Korea is its own thing and HYBE its own entity, but I think this might open up some doors for our boys both musically speaking as well as regarding their own selves. Dearest Goldy of mine, what do you think?

Hmmmmmmm

That's an interesting question.

I do agree that this provides a huge economic opportunity for BTS as a group and as investors in Hybe and for frankly anyone within Hybe labels- there's a lot of talents who would kill to be part of this company now. I just know it.

Hell I wanna be part of Hybe and I can't even sang. Lmho.

Cute, if you think I can dance. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

BigHit just got cooler you know.

But I think you are basically asking if this new acquisition will in effect impact the lifestyle of BTS, specifically Jikook as queer people in any way?

I'd say no- especially on the issue of tattoos. But I might be wrong. I just think it takes more than a business merger to undo a person's lifestlye and or socialization or even influence it.

Unless of course, this merger guarantees them certain universal rights and protections outside their culture and political system I don't see how it's to profit them as queer people in any major way.

Whatever impact I'd say is rather intangible.

If you know what I mean.

I've said a few times now how BTS by virtue of their presence in the international community, in my opinion, are socialized and are expected to be socialized a tad differently from the average regular conservative or even liberal S. Korean person with no external influences whatsoever on their socializations.

Your socialization informs your lifestyle.

Justin, Troye, RM and other artists have undoubtedly had and perhaps continue to have an influence on Jk musically and lifestyle wise, to some extent, but he has his own unique values and beliefs and morals that has been acquired and instilled in him through the years independent of these influences.

He is his own person afterall.

Plus did you see the arm sleeve on the director of the MV for Home? He is surrounded at the work place with people that are tatted too. It can't be just Justin B.

He saw a girl with tattoos and said that was something he'd love to have one day when he got of age and he got it- in spite of Suga's objection. He's always expressed interests in tattoos and wanting to become a tattoo artist.

He got these tattoos in spite of the inconveniences they pose to his expressions of self within his career and society- as tattoos are still pretty much stigmatized in S.K and aren't legally allowed on certain broadcasts within S. Korea. And he continues to add on them, draw over them etc way before this merger came into existence.

If he decides that's what he wants he will get them but it wouldn't be because Justin Bieber is heavily tatted or because his company expanded.

I'm not sure what you mean by leeway, but in a recent Run episode (the one with the famous chef) we saw his full arm out and I think that was the first time we had seen his tats on full display on run.

Contrastingly, he had his whole arm bandaged in the Let's BTS interview on KBS.

He covers his tattoos most times because of broadcast rules that prohibits (regulates) not just tattoos but alcohol consumption, cussing, nudity etc on public television that require specific ratings.

Merger or not he will still have to adhere to the laws of South Korea, including entertainment and media broadcasting laws and hide his tattoos as and where.

On the topic of queerness, I think now more than ever BTS would have to become socially, racially and culturally conscious and aware the instant this deal is concluded in May.

Ithaca has one of the most diversified group of artists under its belt- from Quavo who is black to Demi who is queer like you pointed out.

Now more than ever they are at the center of the global conversations we are having in our generation- from racism, to LBGTQ plus marginalizations, to all oppressions of minorities and minority groups.

And with that proximity comes a need to keep themselves in check now more so than ever- which include a check on the cultural appropriation bit, the queer baiting, drawing on queer aesthetics in their 'fan service' culture and other problematic issues that is characteristic of KPop.

What they do now matters more than ever- socially speaking of course.

When Jin started eating a lollipop JM gave him provocatively, JM asked him not to do that on camera but to reserve things like that for the group off camera.

If 'gay' is not gay but their 'culture' I think they know better to keep it to themselves off camera and act 'right' on camera- especially now.

I'm not about to stan a group that capitalizes on the trauma and oppression of me and my people in the name of entertainment. That's just tacky.

On the plus, I think it's great that they be surrounded by other queer folks in the business and be part of a community that welcomes and support queerness so they don't feel like they are the only ones.

That's not to say they aren't surrounded by queer people in their dialy lives.

I mean they have a large staff and I know damn well some of those staffers are queer as well- why wouldn't they be. Lol.

They've always had that 'supportive' environment to foster their relationship- well except for that one time a manager tried to bitch slap JK. Lol. Sorry.

It's not funny at all. Serious face.

They've always been free and loose in places outside Korea- Japan for one, to be themselves in certain 'controlled" areas of their lives.

I think if anything there's gonna be a focus on creating conducive and inclusive work environments and ethics for everyone not just queer people within the company at large.

I think Jikook can relate more, have certain essential conversations in the group, be exposed to and be part of the 'community' in a way that just felt so distant to them prior to the acquisition- in my opinion.

There is strength in numbers after all. Other than that those two companies might operate like night and day with a few eclipses in between.

The bigger question for me is how SK is going to react to Hybe as an international company from now on. No elite Korean company has openly admitted queer artists within their label. Such revelations presumably is bound to impact their social and economic standing...

Seems in acquiring Ithaca though Hybe have circumvented the conservative problem within Kpop and their culture as they have acquired openly queer artists.

Not that they care about an artist's sexuality. Bang have made it perfectly clear he prioritizes a person's talent over their sexual preference and thus hire artists based on their skills regardless of their sexuality.

But that is also not to say that the company wouldn't be met with harsh criticisms and suffer economic loss should they openly admit the sexuality of certain artists they work with.

I mean he did advise Jo Kwan on the risks he would be taking in going in the direction he wanted to go in with his heels schtick. So he is aware of the risks involved in going public with an artist's sexual orientation.

He talked about Korean companies playing it safe and not taking certain risks especially when it comes to deeds that are deemed 'rebellious' against the Korean conservative way.

-Watch and learn people, if you can't hire openly gay talents acquire their company. Problem solved. Lol.

From May, Hybe will technically officially become the first elite Korean company with openly queer artists under its labels that openly touches on and advocates for LGBTQ plus rights.

I'm waiting for Pride month with a cup of tea. Mu haha ha.

BTS has performed with queer artists in the past, dabbled in LGBTQ plus conversations which was mostly met with mixed reactions from the general public- some oblivious to who these artists were much less that they were queer. (Sis laugh with me. Hehe. If you know you know)

BigHit is gradually evolving the status quo.

It's an interesting development I must say, one I'm very much invested in at this point.

BigHit has always aimed beyond the borders of Korean commercial verse often straddling the line of conservatism, literally just became an international company within South Korea governed by both Korean and American laws that in all essence conflict with eachother morally and constitutionally.

Bang has some heavy balls I'll give him that.

Also, since this is an acquisition and not a merger I doubt if much will change in the structures of either company- the family photoshoots would be interesting to watch.

Imagine trying to get Arianna, Justin, BTS, TXT in one large studio for a photoshoot. I'm literally cackling. Lmho.

Scooter Braun will become part of the board of Hybe to manage the company and he is part owner of Hybe along with Justin, Ariana and BTS who also have shares in the company- until they decide to sell their shares that is.

That's about it.

I'm not sure how these Asian haters are gonna respond to an Asian company taking over 'America.' That's something to watch out for.

Then there's this whole issue of 'scandals' and both campanies view on it.

Western companies feed off chaos and drama and scandals, Kpop is the exact opposite.

Most of these Artists under Ithaca have had some pretty bad records and are prone to scandals and stuff like that. In case of an inevitable future scandal, the news would read 'BTS's so so and so.'

They are gonna make it all about BTS.

I mean when BigHit went public with their IPO and it went south it was all about BTS' 'failed IPO' in the news rather than the company it's self.

I have mixed feelings about this acquisition.

It's obvious BigHit is saving Justin Bieber's label. You don't sell unless you are in some huge financial decline blah blah.

Hybe is keeping them in business while building their own portfolio in the industry. BTS may not have a Grammy but Hybe has several artists with Grammys under it's belt now. Smirk.

The success of Justin, Ariana and all these artists are the success of Hybe which together with the powerhouse that is BTS gives Hybe more prestige- it's like watching the game of thrones but this time it's a bunch of nerds with chapsticks and Prada. Lmho.

At least now people will think twice before they peddle the 'they are not gay, it's their culture' nonsense.

Not sure if this answers your question?

I purple you💜💜💜💜💜

Signed,

GOLDY

[thestylesindependent]

The following is an excerpt from A Field Guide to Internet Boyfriends: Meme-Worthy Celebrity Crushes From A to Z (Running Press) by Esther Zuckerman, senior entertainment writer at Thrillist. Opinions expressed are those of the author.

It’s virtually impossible to dig into the history of celebrity crushes without discussing boy bands. Stemming back to the days of the Beatles, boy bands have been crush incubators, known as much for their music as for their ability to pose on posters that hang on teenage bedroom walls. While the modern idea of boy bands existed before the ’90s, the decade turned boy bands into an industry with the likes of Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC eliciting mobs of screaming fans. For the first decade of the 2000s—after the leftovers from the ’90s faded from relevance—it seemed like the era of the boy band was over. And then a couple of lads from England—and one from Ireland—came along.

One Direction was not born organically. Each member of the fivesome auditioned for The X Factor as a solo act. Then Simon Cowell had a genius idea: Individually, they would probably generate some amount of buzz. Together, they would be unstoppable. Cowell was right. One Direction mania jumped across the pond and initiated a new era of boy band worship. This group was different from its ’90s predecessors. They were shaggy and didn’t really dance. But their fans were also different. These were kids raised by the internet, and they expressed their love for Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, and Niall Horan as such. Stanning for One Direction involved slash fiction and Tumblr.

But when the time came, One Direction faced an age-old boy band question: What happens when they break up? Who becomes famous? For years, the pinnacle of post–boy band success had always been Justin Timberlake, crying a river all over the radio. (He also found controversy along the way. No, we will never forgive him for throwing Janet Jackson under the bus at the Super Bowl.) But who becomes the Joey Fatone? One thing was always certain: Harry Styles was a goddamn star. Styles had always been the likeliest candidate for post-One D fame. He was the most rambunctious of the group, as at home palling around on talk shows as he was crooning on the stage.

Still, no one could have predicted what he was about to unleash. Styles, on his own, somehow surpassed the prom¬ise of his early career. The individual that emerged was like the love child of David Bowie and Stevie Nicks, all flowing blouses, wide-legged pants, and funky vibes. He occupies a space in between the masculine and the feminine and is an ally without being obnoxious about it.

When he left the womb of One Direction, his goal was to write his own material. The sound that emerged was not Timberlake’s white boy soul or the radio-ready pop of his bandmate Zayn Malik. Instead, it was a throwback hybrid of folk rock and pop—not a complete copy of an era that was not his own, but more indebted to his predecessors than his contemporaries.

The narrative around Harry Styles is that he is a Very Good Boy. It starts with his devotion to his mother, with whom he is reportedly very close. More proof of his sweet¬heart status can be found in the story about how he ended up being a polite houseguest to his friend The Late Late Show with James Corden producer Ben Winston for twenty months. As his star was rising in One Direction, he was crashing with an Orthodox Jewish family. “That period of time, he was living with us in the most mundane suburban situation,” Winston once explained. “No one ever found out, really. Even when we went out for a meal, it’s such a sweet family neighborhood, no one dreamed it was actually him. But he made our house a home. And when he moved out, we were gutted.”

It’s anecdotes like this—revealed in the singer’s first Rolling Stone cover story, written by none other than Almost Famous director Cameron Crowe—that frame Styles as a superstar who is relatively down to earth, a nice person who cares about being good to those around him. I mean, one of the songs on his recent album Fine Line is titled “Treat People with Kindness.” Styles once said: “There are others. People who are successful, and still nice. It’s when you meet the people who are successful and aren’t nice, you think: What’s yer excuse? Cos I’ve met the other sort.”

Styles gives off the impression that if you were to hang out with him you’d probably have a pretty pleasant and slightly wild time. Profiles of Styles tend to include stories about parties on beaches where nudity or clothes swapping is involved. He’s spoken about how doing mushrooms influenced his latest record, Fine Line, and once led him to bite off the tip of his tongue. But even though that detail sounds like it might belong in an outtake from a seedier history of rock ’n’ roll—think: Mötley Crüe—it’s bizarrely wholesome coming from Styles, who has gone out of his way to promote a message of inclusion.

Though he’s publicly only been linked to women, he’s never exactly declared himself straight, either, and has alluded to bisexuality in his lyrics. One time, he declared, “We’re all a little bit gay, aren’t we?” Regardless of how he himself identifies, he’s made it a mission to promote a safe-for-all environment at his shows. On one tour stop, he took note of a girl in the crowd’s sign which declared she was going to come out to her parents because of him. He asked her mom’s name, quieted the room, and shouted, “Tina, she’s gay,” triumphantly. It’s an especially welcome development for someone whose early celebrity was defined by slash fiction with which some of his bandmates were openly uncomfortable.

His style started to evolve with his own fluidity as well. He took to wearing ruffles and low-cut shirts with wide-legged trousers. The effect was circus ringmaster mixed with ’70s Laurel Canyon chic. There’s a cheekiness to the look, evidenced by photo shoots in which he affects like he just told a dirty joke. He has said he dresses this way not because he’s trying to allude to anything, just because he thinks it looks cool. And, the thing is, it does.

Harry Styles may have been made in the confines of the boy band universe, but when he struck out on his own, his message became freedom. He makes the music he wants, wears the clothes he wants, and encourages everyone around him to love who they want—even if that’s just Harry Styles.

[tatlandtaelsurveys]

Fourteen

You’ve had sex with over 12 people, haven’t you? Nooooo. Not even close, way way way less haha.

Would you rather have your nose or tongue pierced? Umphf I wince at my nose being pierced but I’d do my nose if I had to choose.. I’d mess with my tongue one too much and be paranoid.

Who’s the last person you talked to through a text? My boyfriend.

If you were in the hospital, who would come see you? My parents and my bf, grandma too I can imagine first being there.

If you were in the hospital on life support, would the last person you kissed visit you? I SURE HOPE SO. He would. But that is if we’re together then or we don’t hate each other lol.

How many months until your birthday? It’s a secret.

Does anyone hate you? One girl did, and made it clear but I don’t know if that is how she feels now.

What are you currently looking forward to? When I actually manage to shave my legs and am done with it.  But seriously, this Sunday. An important day :).

Does anyone disgust you? There are, yes for things that have done. Not anyone personally close to me though.

Is there something about you not a lot of people know? Haha little weird habits that I don’t care to share. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Mailbox.

How often is your smile fake? Now and then when I am super unsure what the joke was or the subject is..and it’s amongst my age group. I tend to smile easily though.

Are you lying to yourself about anything? Haha trying to shift my mind from feeling sorry for myself.

Do you think relationships are hard? Ya they can be but then it’s either you both want it to work, and it’s not hard because you compromise or, you find it too hard and it’s not meant to be. I wish it was the simple. I shouldn’t be, but it can be.

Can money buy happiness? For a short moment.

What’s worse, ignorance or stupidity? Ignorance I feel you can learn from but, there are consequences from being too ignorant. Stupidity can depends on so many things but people that are mean and reckless to hurt others stupidity really are the worst. Long answer short. I don’t know. 

Did you know alcohol is worse than weed? Oh?

Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Ahahahaha.

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone? I think at one point, yes.

What’s the last thing to make you upset? Upset, I think when I was having troubles at work and was really stressed.

Your parents tell you you’re moving far away from where you live now, you do what? Wait, so you’re selling your current house that’s far away?

Ever been friends with someone you didn’t expect? Not like they were too cool or good to be a friend, but generally speaking of meeting new people yes.

What is your eye color? x

How do you feel right now? Kind of bleh. I have a cold and feeling low energy. Also put off something important until the last minute..

Do you like your hair? I like it most days but i don’t like the weird part it does when I pull it back.

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? If it’s about piano and how good i am, it does because I don’t see I am as much as they are saying it is, but I generally feel good and say thank you. Could you date someone taller than you? I am!

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? A little under 8 I think.

Are you legal to drink? Who knows.

Do you curl your hair? No but I want to, just need a curling iron.

Are you excited for winter? No. It’s beautiful but I want a longer Fall.

Let me guess; Justin Bieber is your celebrity crush? Nooooooppe.

Do you have anything you couldn’t go a day without? My phone.

Have you ever gotten caught doing something illegal? No.

What’s your favorite flavor of Vitamin Water? This strawberry one that tastes like pink lemonade.

When was the last time you were really happy? At the park and joking around with my bf.

What’s your favorite season? Autumn.

Why do you like the person you like? He is a kid at heart, playful, likes being silly, and we shares similar interests. The facial expressions, his thoughts on topics and having conversations he fascinates me and he is so sweet.

Would you rather date someone younger or older? I weirdly like a little older but as I get older I wouldn’t do younger than 4 years and older than 4 years, which my bf is. In the past, I dated someone who was a little older by two years, or younger by a year but usually they have been around my same grade or age.

What do you currently hear right now? My dad talking on the phone and a plane in the background.

Do you like Lady GaGa? I like some of her songs.

Do you currently have feelings for anyone? Yes!

Are you addicted to anything? Clearly the internet..

Do you have a funny laugh? I think I sound like a horse sometimes, other days I just think it’s so low.

Are you a nice person? I try to be.

Do you want the last person you kissed to ask you out? Haha let’s go to a pastry shop yes! We’re going out!

Who was the last person you hugged and why? My bf. I’ve been sick and so has my family so I don’t think we’ve all hugged in a while come to think of it.

Did you want to kiss the last person you kissed? YES.

Do you forgive easily? Hmmmmm. Overall, yes. But have a secret grudge and get angry at random times about it...maybe not. Sometimes.

Was this weekend a good one? It’s just starting.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Yes!

Do you miss the way things used to be? When hanging out was easier.

What woke you up this morning? Myself at 5:20 am, and then my alarm for at 7 pm.

Does anyone know your Facebook password? No.

Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes.

Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with? My mom.

What were you doing at 12 am last night? I was asleep.

Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? Yes.

Do you ignore people when you’re mad/upset with them? I don’t ignore but i set a boundary of needing to cool down and need space if I am super mad. So I can talk it out later and make rational decisions.

Did you kiss  anyone in the last 48 hours? No :( he’s been sick and so have I.

When you say you don’t care do you mean it? Hahaha I do care but it’s what I tell myself that I don’t. I try and not tell people that I do and don’t care.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? Yes.

Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? No. It was his aunt and uncle’s house hotel stay.

Have you ever cried cause you were so mad? Yes yes yes yes.

What’s your favorite color? Purple.

What color is your shirt? Light blue.

Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to? My dad? or Bf. We’ve been all sick. DX

[hetacon]

Prom Queen: Chapter 2

First || Previous || Next

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Word Count: 1,900

Pairings: Endgame Prinxiety, Platonic LAMP, more could be included at a later point

Warning: Swearing, food mentions (Let me know if I missed anything, this one seemed fairly tame!)

______________________________

Summary: He missed Roman. High school had been, in the grand scheme of things, largely without his best friend.

(Make sure to read the notes at the end if you want to hear my thoughts on the chapter! As always, feel free to let me know if you want to be added to my taglist for this story or just my art and writing ones in general! Enjoy!)

______________________________

High school wasn’t great but it certainly didn’t seem to be terrible either. That’s what Virgil was gathering from the whole experience anyways. It definitely didn’t hold as much of the awkwardness in terms of trying to find himself and who he was as a person like middle school had brought about.

But still, there were still a fair share of complications. Roman’s popularity throughout the years had started to become one of them.

Neither of them had honestly expected it really. Theater put Roman in the spotlight, both literally and figuratively, that was where part of his newfound popularity came from. With that little bit of exposure, people started to take notice of him.

First it had been Roman running late to English a few times when they started out freshman year.

That expanded to Roman joining some clubs Virgil was content to stay out of for a couple days in the week.

More interaction with more people meant Roman got to talking with some interesting people from student council through his Model UN club meetings, including a familiar face from theater serving as their stage manager in the upcoming fall production.

“Hey guys, there’s someone I’d like you to meet!” Roman said excitedly as he dragged along a guy that looked around their grade, firm hands on his shoulders. Roman beamed as Virgil and Patton looked up from Virgil’s phone. “This is Logan!”

Patton smiled at Logan and held out a hand. “Patton Hart, it’s nice to meet you Logan!”

At the sight of Patton’s hand reached out to him, Virgil noticed Logan visibly relax, reaching out to shake Patton’s.

“Hello Patton,” Logan merely said with a nod.

“And of course, Logan, I’ve told you about my best friend Virgil,” Roman’s voice cut through, Virgil’s gaze flickering over to the impossibly widening grin on Roman’s face at that little detail.

Logan nodded once more. “Ah yes, Roman talks about you often.”

“Nothing but bad things I assume?” Virgil snorted, smirking at Roman’s mock gasp of offense.

“No, he speaks rather highly of you, Virgil. Oftentimes it gets in the way of things such as letting him running lines and letting me work on my own work for his play,” Logan commented, giving Roman a pointed look towards the latter half of his statement.

“A boy can’t talk about his best friend? Harsh, Specs!”

Patton laughed at the two of them bickering. “So how’d you and Logan meet?”

“Model UN, he’s done a much better job than I have! He’s trying to show me the ropes but he’s definitely much smarter than me at it!” Roman said with a chuckle, sitting down with Logan doing so as well.

“He says that but he isn’t doing too poorly, honestly Roman,” Logan sighed.

“Yeah yeah, but not as good as you. Now hush and let me tell them my story!”

Roman considered joining student council by the end of freshman year but decided theater was already a large commitment.

Sophomore year rolled around before Virgil knew it and Roman was cast as the lead role for the fall production as well as getting on the sophomore homecoming court.

Homecoming carnival was fairly nice as Roman practically dragged him and Logan along. Virgil didn’t have half a bad time though he admittedly just stayed by Patton who was working at one of his club booths. Roman was surrounded by too many people at one point for Virgil to really want to follow him anyways.

Spring semester of sophomore year was pretty uneventful aside from Roman somehow getting even more popular. Virgil could barely get a word of conversation in with him after their school’s spring production of Beauty and the Beast, despite him going to nearly every night of the show’s run. Patton was good company during one of the nights though and the two went out for milkshakes afterwards.

“Virgil! Gosh, I really don’t need you seeing me cry,” Roman laughed as he scooped Virgil up in a tight hug before pulling away. “You didn’t have to come for closing night!”

“I wanted to, you know?” Virgil asked. “Also holy shit are you hot.”

“Oh trust me, I know! My sheer beauty is truly a thing to behold!” Roman teased, only for Virgil to shove him with a snort.

“Congratulations Roman, you did a great job!” one of their classmates said in passing.

“Thank you Cissy!” Roman called after her with a proud grin on his face.

“No, you know what I mean, you must be dying under the lights,” Virgil chuckled.

“Oh, that-!”

“Roman, you did amazing, look at you!” another person said, coming over to give Roman a hug.

“Thank you, and thank you for coming!” Roman replied.

“How could I not? You did great!” the woman said. “Hey, have you seen Chloe around? I’ve been trying to find the poor girl for ages, she might’ve been swamped.”

“I think she might’ve gone to go change, I think she’ll be out soon!”

Virgil zoned out a little as Roman continued to make conversation for a little longer.

“Ro, you down for going to get ice cream after you free yourself from your wire prison?” Virgil asked once he thought Roman’s attention was finally back on him but a hand was clapped on to Roman’s back.

“Hey dude, awesome job, how’d your voice hold up?” one of the other actors, Justin if Virgil remembered correctly, asked.

“My throat is honestly totally killing me, I can’t wait to drink my weight in tea when I get home,” Roman laughed, wincing for emphasis.

“I feel you, I think I’m going to head home after I change,” Justin said, running a hand through his hair and fixing his glasses. “You planning on going out with the rest of the cast afterwards?”

“Nah, Virgil and I are going to get ice cream and then I am going to sleep like there’s no tomorrow!”

“Fair, fair, I’ll see you on Monday!”

By the time that Roman was finally free, a dozen people had asked Roman for picture and Virgil, with a quick text, told him that his mom had to pick him up unexpectedly.

Logan started to hang out with Virgil and Patton during lunch by the time junior year came by, only skipping a portion of Wednesdays in order to go to student council meetings.

By this point in their time in high school, lots of changes happened but some things still stayed pretty consistent. Roman decided against auditioning for the fall play but still seemed to remain as busy as ever with the theater competitions he was now taking part in, fitting in clubs in seemingly any place possible. Logan had become the junior year president for student council, still taking part in Model UN and a few AP classes definitely keeping him busy. Patton had been the one to change the least aside from Virgil himself. Virgil was happy that both he and Patton were both taking AP studio art. Apart from that, the two of them just focused on trying to stay sane.

Prom came up during their junior year as a topic of discussion (seeing as only the juniors and seniors could go on their own) and the four of them decided to go together as a group. It was a disaster in Virgil’s opinion and he had to leave early when Roman was asked for a dance by one of the popular girls in their grade. He felt sick to think about it.

Virgil stared up at the ceiling for a while the night of prom after he’d gotten back home, trying to figure out what was even happening at this point. A girl had asked for a dance, Roman accepted.

Except suddenly, Virgil remembered just how many times Roman had arrived late to lunch, how many times he’d sat down only to realize he’d had club meetings, how many times Roman would be preoccupied with rehearsals and homework and conversations in the halls before English. The study sessions at Roman’s house had become minimal and Virgil’s interactions with Roman’s brother Remus were more frequent than the interactions with Roman himself.

He missed Roman. High school had been, in the grand scheme of things, largely without his best friend. It still didn’t feel right, like he was missing something with the realization he’d come to.

As soon as he thought of Roman asking him to dance and kissing him though, he knew.

Virgil cried for a while that night.

Suddenly after prom, Roman dropped most of his clubs.

“Why’d you stop going?” Patton asked during their current conversation, taking out his lunch. He offered Virgil a cookie who took it reluctantly.

“Eh, I don’t know, I’ve just been so busy you know? Wanted to see if it helped,” Roman offered as explanation, shrugging. “Oh hey Logan, did you finish studying for our APUSH test today?” he added as the aforementioned took a seat at the table, finished with his student council meeting.

Logan nodded and wordlessly handed his notes to Roman with a roll of his eyes. “I knew you were going to ask.”

“You know me well Specs! I swear, he’s really going nuts with AP test prep, huh?” Roman asked, flipping through the neatly written notes.

“Teachers tend to overprepare us for AP tests, I promise it’s worth it.”

Patton sighed and turned to Virgil, letting the other two talk over their test next period. “Hey Virge, do you want to come over to my house today? I got some new paints I wanted to try out but I’ve been waiting for you to come over,” Patton tried, smiling hopefully at him.

He really didn’t have anything better to do that afternoon so he nodded. “Yeah, sure, do you want me to bring anything?”

Patton shook his head. “Nope, just yourself!”

Virgil nodded.

Summer came around and Virgil started to spend less time with Roman. His family had dragged him on more than one trip so luckily he had a good excuse. Roman certainly didn’t seem very available either so it wasn’t exactly hard for their schedules to conflict.

With a week until senior year started, Virgil went to help Patton walk his dog.

“Hey Pat..?”

“Hm?” Patton asked, looking to him with a smile.

“What would you think if I wanted to... I dunno, change my style I guess?” Virgil asked, tugging at the sleeves of his sweater.

“Hmm... Well, what are you thinking about? Like, just a little change? Starting from scratch?” was Patton’s response. “Not for any reason, I’m still supportive no matter what you want to do!”

Virgil thought on it as they continued walking. “I don’t really know yet, I just know I want to change it I guess?”

Patton nodded. “Well I say do it! You can always change it back!”

With that, they moved on to other subjects. Patton was excited about school while Virgil ruminated on Patton’s questions.

The day before senior year started, Virgil knew what he was planning on, staring at the hair dye in his hands.

______________________________

Hey hey hey, we are finally going to be getting into the actual conflict! Gosh, I’ve been waiting for the chance to do so, the next chapter will definitely be interesting!

I will say I had a bit of trouble with this one. The last chapter starts off with the first day of freshman year but I just felt it was a good way to set up the dynamic. I wanted the story to be set in either junior or senior year though mainly due to the maturity level at that point. It feels more comfortable and lets me have more room with what’s to come! I tried to get there without just saying “Look, here’s a time skip, wow!” I really hope I did it well, it feels a little clunky!

I hope you guys liked this chapter and as always, feel free to chat with me in the comments! I love hearing your guys’ opinions!

______________________________

Taglist: @artissijules, @virgils-paranoia, @its-the-cat-queen, @myyoutubecorner, @marshmallow-the-panda, @anotheregofanficblog, @tssidesfamily, @shapa-likes-art, @isabelle-stars, @falsemood, @prinxiety-shipper101, @katlikethesword

[kingstylesdaily]

'A Field Guide to Internet Boyfriends': Read the Harry Styles Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from A Field Guide to Internet Boyfriends: Meme-Worthy Celebrity Crushes From A to Z (Running Press) by Esther Zuckerman, senior entertainment writer at Thrillist. Opinions expressed are those of the author.

It’s virtually impossible to dig into the history of celebrity crushes without discussing boy bands. Stemming back to the days of the Beatles, boy bands have been crush incubators, known as much for their music as for their ability to pose on posters that hang on teenage bedroom walls. While the modern idea of boy bands existed before the ’90s, the decade turned boy bands into an industry with the likes of Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC eliciting mobs of screaming fans. For the first decade of the 2000s—after the leftovers from the ’90s faded from relevance—it seemed like the era of the boy band was over. And then a couple of lads from England—and one from Ireland—came along.

One Direction was not born organically. Each member of the fivesome auditioned for The X Factor as a solo act. Then Simon Cowell had a genius idea: Individually, they would probably generate some amount of buzz. Together, they would be unstoppable. Cowell was right. One Direction mania jumped across the pond and initiated a new era of boy band worship. This group was different from its ’90s predecessors. They were shaggy and didn’t really dance. But their fans were also different. These were kids raised by the internet, and they expressed their love for Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, and Niall Horan as such. Stanning for One Direction involved slash fiction and Tumblr.

But when the time came, One Direction faced an age-old boy band question: What happens when they break up? Who becomes famous? For years, the pinnacle of post–boy band success had always been Justin Timberlake, crying a river all over the radio. (He also found controversy along the way. No, we will never forgive him for throwing Janet Jackson under the bus at the Super Bowl.) But who becomes the Joey Fatone? One thing was always certain: Harry Styles was a goddamn star. Styles had always been the likeliest candidate for post-One D fame. He was the most rambunctious of the group, as at home palling around on talk shows as he was crooning on the stage.

Still, no one could have predicted what he was about to unleash. Styles, on his own, somehow surpassed the prom¬ise of his early career. The individual that emerged was like the love child of David Bowie and Stevie Nicks, all flowing blouses, wide-legged pants, and funky vibes. He occupies a space in between the masculine and the feminine and is an ally without being obnoxious about it.

When he left the womb of One Direction, his goal was to write his own material. The sound that emerged was not Timberlake’s white boy soul or the radio-ready pop of his bandmate Zayn Malik. Instead, it was a throwback hybrid of folk rock and pop—not a complete copy of an era that was not his own, but more indebted to his predecessors than his contemporaries.

The narrative around Harry Styles is that he is a Very Good Boy. It starts with his devotion to his mother, with whom he is reportedly very close. More proof of his sweet¬heart status can be found in the story about how he ended up being a polite houseguest to his friend The Late Late Show with James Corden producer Ben Winston for twenty months. As his star was rising in One Direction, he was crashing with an Orthodox Jewish family. “That period of time, he was living with us in the most mundane suburban situation,” Winston once explained. “No one ever found out, really. Even when we went out for a meal, it’s such a sweet family neighborhood, no one dreamed it was actually him. But he made our house a home. And when he moved out, we were gutted.”

It’s anecdotes like this—revealed in the singer’s first Rolling Stone cover story, written by none other than Almost Famous director Cameron Crowe—that frame Styles as a superstar who is relatively down to earth, a nice person who cares about being good to those around him. I mean, one of the songs on his recent album Fine Line is titled “Treat People with Kindness.” Styles once said: “There are others. People who are successful, and still nice. It’s when you meet the people who are successful and aren’t nice, you think: What’s yer excuse? Cos I’ve met the other sort.”

Styles gives off the impression that if you were to hang out with him you’d probably have a pretty pleasant and slightly wild time. Profiles of Styles tend to include stories about parties on beaches where nudity or clothes swapping is involved. He’s spoken about how doing mushrooms influenced his latest record, Fine Line, and once led him to bite off the tip of his tongue. But even though that detail sounds like it might belong in an outtake from a seedier history of rock ’n’ roll—think: Mötley Crüe—it’s bizarrely wholesome coming from Styles, who has gone out of his way to promote a message of inclusion.

Though he’s publicly only been linked to women, he’s never exactly declared himself straight, either, and has alluded to bisexuality in his lyrics. One time, he declared, “We’re all a little bit gay, aren’t we?” Regardless of how he himself identifies, he’s made it a mission to promote a safe-for-all environment at his shows. On one tour stop, he took note of a girl in the crowd’s sign which declared she was going to come out to her parents because of him. He asked her mom’s name, quieted the room, and shouted, “Tina, she’s gay,” triumphantly. It’s an especially welcome development for someone whose early celebrity was defined by slash fiction with which some of his bandmates were openly uncomfortable.

His style started to evolve with his own fluidity as well. He took to wearing ruffles and low-cut shirts with wide-legged trousers. The effect was circus ringmaster mixed with ’70s Laurel Canyon chic. There’s a cheekiness to the look, evidenced by photo shoots in which he affects like he just told a dirty joke. He has said he dresses this way not because he’s trying to allude to anything, just because he thinks it looks cool. And, the thing is, it does.

Harry Styles may have been made in the confines of the boy band universe, but when he struck out on his own, his message became freedom. He makes the music he wants, wears the clothes he wants, and encourages everyone around him to love who they want—even if that’s just Harry Styles.

source: Billboard.com

[fyexo]

200924 20 Questions With SuperM: The K-Pop Supergroup On Their New Album & Becoming ‘Like Family’ With Each Other

Last year, SuperM notched a huge win when their self-titled “mini album” debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 albums chart. The K-pop supergroup -- which consists of members of EXO, SHINee, NCT 127 and WayV -- had generated a huge amount of buzz before releasing a single track thanks to its star-studded lineup, and with the No. 1 bow, SuperM was off to an explosive start.

With Super One, the group’s first full-length out Friday (Sept. 25), SuperM continues its positive momentum. The hopeful, hook-stuffed album allows all seven members of SuperM to shine, while also expanding the group’s pop aesthetic and finding the right balance between singing and rapping. Songs like “Wish You Were Here,” “Better Days” and lead single “100” demonstrate SuperM’s dexterity -- and even though it’s still uncertain when their global fans will be able to see the songs performed live, the collective sounds prepared to put on an eclectic, wide-ranging show with these tracks.

Ahead of their new album’s release, the members of SuperM answered 20 questions about their musical backgrounds, leaning on each other during the pandemic, the highlights of Super One and more:

1. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

BAEKHYUN: An Avril Lavigne CD. I really liked her music when I was young so I remember going to a CD store with my brother to buy her album.

2. What was the first concert you saw?

KAI: I remember I went to my first concert when I was 16 years old. This was Usher’s concert when he came to Korea. Seeing him perform onstage inspired me to work harder towards my dream to become an artist like him. I still can’t forget the energy and the vibe of people around me and remember wanting to perform on a big stage like that.

3. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

TAEMIN: My mom was the first person actually. When I was very young, she saw how much I enjoyed singing and dancing and encouraged me to audition. Since then, I started moving towards my dream to become an artist and performer. She helped me discover my passion at an early age and encouraged me to do what I love, and for that, I’m forever grateful.

4. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

TAEYONG: I just want everyone I work with to be happy, and work together for a long time. This includes not just SuperM members, but also the rest of the staff and the team behind the scenes that make it all happen!

5. How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

MARK: I think everyone is influenced by their hometown and where they come from. It’s really special to be a K-pop artist and perform in front of fans in Canada, where I’m from. When we performed in my hometown during the world tour earlier this year, it was such a significant “homecoming” moment for me. Canada always has a special place in my heart.

6. What’s the last song you listened to?

LUCAS: The last song I listened to is Justin Bieber’s new song, “Holy.” It’s a great song to listen to when you are feeling tired. I listen to it on repeat when I’m on the move during the day and it puts me in a good mood.

7. If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

TEN: I would choose Michael Jackson, because I always regret that I didn’t get to see him perform onstage live. I look up to him as an artist, and I’d love to see him sing and dance live at one of his concerts.

8. What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your shows?

MARK: Well, one thing that happens at every show is how emotional I get seeing the venue packed with our fans. Before going onstage, I always take a peek at the audience from behind the curtain, and it’s hard to describe the exact feeling in words but it feels surreal — too good to be true, almost. Especially for a standing audience, it’s not easy standing for hours straight in a tight space, but their energy never goes down. I never feel tired onstage because of them. It’s still pretty crazy to me to see and feel their energy every time. I miss them!

9. How has the pandemic affected the way you’ve created music in 2020?

BAEKHYUN: The process of creating music, writing and recording songs, was pretty much the same. However, planning the album promotion during pandemic was a little different, since everything had to be done online. We had to think of fun and unique ways to interact with our fans, from creating our own reality show to holding livestream, AR tech-based concerts. We have a lot more creative content in store for our fans, so stay tuned!

10. What was your reaction to SuperM’s mini album topping the Billboard 200 chart last year?

KAI: Everyone was super happy. We put our heart and soul into the album and worked really hard on it, so in a way, we were looking forward to the results. When we saw that the EP hit number one on the chart, it was one of the happiest moments of our career.

11. What’s the biggest difference, creatively speaking, between last year’s mini album and Super One?

TEN: The mini album was more about introducing SuperM and our SMP-style performances, whereas for Super One, it shows more of our different musical styles and really brings out the dynamic qualities that we possess as a group. So, to put it simply, Super One is the completed version/look of SuperM. Also, what was important for us when creating this album was to include a message of hope and deliver that positivity and strength to listeners. Music can really lift your spirits when you’re feeling down, so I hope people find healing and happiness while listening to our music. That would make us very happy.

12. Why did “100” make the most sense as a lead single?

TAEYONG: “100” is all about speed and energy, so it’s the perfect single to showcase SuperM’s power as the opening act of Super One. It also helps convey the message that we are always moving forward at full-speed, giving our 100% in all we do.

13. What’s one song on the album that you suspect will be a big fan favorite?

LUCAS: I think fans will like “Better Days.” It’s a nice ballad song for a great start to your day. It also contains a message of comfort and empathy to help get through these difficult times. We hope our fans can feel the warmth of this messaging through our vocals and fluid rapping.

14. How has the group bonded during what’s been a wild 2020?

TAEMIN: We’ve been through a lot and have always been there for each other through thick and thin so naturally, we’ve gotten very close. They’re like family now. We didn’t have to “try” to become close, it just naturally happened -- as if we were destined to be in the same group.

15. SuperM has been part of a massive year for the global expansion of K-pop. How does it feel to see so many K-pop songs, albums and artists setting records?

MARK: This makes me really proud. I remember growing up in Canada, a lot of people at my school didn’t know K-pop. It was mainly just popular among Koreans. Now, so many people all over the world know about it and K-pop is getting so much attention. I feel honored and proud to be a part of this movement. Bringing the two cultures closer together and building that bridge through music is such a historic moment, and I can’t wait to contribute more to it and create great music for listeners worldwide.

16. What’s your go-to song that you’ve been singing along to lately?

BAEKHYUN: These days, I have Eric Benet’s “Still with You” on repeat, so I’ve been singing this a lot lately. This was one of my favorite songs in high school, and ever since I started spending more time at home, I’ve been revisiting some of my old favorite playlists. They bring me back to that moment when I was in school, aspiring to become an artist.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

TEN: This always changes, but when I can empathize with the characters in a movie or connect with the emotions in a song, it makes me cry. I recently cried watching the animated film, Grave of the Fireflies. I watched this for the first time when I was young, but re-watching it as an adult touched me in a different way.

18. If you were not a musician, what would you be?

LUCAS: If not a musician, I’d probably be a firefighter – a job that saves other people’s lives is truly inspiring to me. But if not a firefighter, I’d definitely choose a career that make people happy, just like what I try to do now through music and performing.

19. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

KAI: I would tell my younger self to take care of yourself and stay healthy, because health is so important! I would also tell him not to be so hard on himself and enjoy the ride as a young teenager. This is the time for having fun and trying different things! Back then, I was so focused on my career and working towards my dreams that I didn’t spend a lot of time doing “regular teenager experiences,” which I wish I did more of!

20. What’s your message to fans who have been supporting SuperM -- and waiting for this album to arrive?

TAEMIN: It’s been almost a year now since our debut, and we are incredibly grateful to have so many fans cheer us on. We put our heart and soul into the album knowing that our fans have been waiting for a long time. While we’re sad that that we can’t meet them in person, we hope they can feel the positive energy through our songs and performances.

Jason Lipshutz @ Billboard