#also i was listening to expensive mistakes when it happened which is why ive got that animatic of michael aftona nd expensive mistkaes.

[onebighappyaftonfamily]

guys does anyone have any recommendations for fanfiction where michael is an animatronic. I am trying to collect them all.

[orionwhispers]

Feels Like Home // Bucky Barnes 🍂

(a/n- ok holy shit ive finally finished my first bucky oneshot. its long as fuck but im so so happy with it. pls let me know what you think. i have lots of requests and peaky stuff coming up as well. love you guys SO much) probs loads of mistakes but its 12k words and im exhausted lol. (also this is inspired by the song feels like home by bea miller and jessie reyez. highly recommend)

warnings: slow burn, friends to lovers, HEAVILY implied smut, so much fluff your dentist will kill me, angst and canon level violence. 

Bucky Barnes had thought a lot about death.

He thought about it often during the war. Wondering if perhaps a bullet would pass through his gut as he ran through the trenches, or a bomb would explode under his feet as he walked across the battlefield. It was everywhere he looked, his fellow comrades bandaged and bloody, the nurses in the infirmary tent smelling of saline and strong, sweet, copper.

He thought about it more than anything with Hydra. Wishing that the torture would send him over the edge, pleading for the sweet release that death would give him. Thinking that what was waiting for him on the other side surely couldn’t be worse than what he was already dealing with.

Even when he moved into the tower, and into a routine with people who understood and trusted him, death had followed him for so long that it was like a friend.

He always thought his death would be something violent; something carnal and savage, almost poetic for him to die the same way that he had lived.

But who would have thought his demise would have been at the hands of the sleepy eyed, honey lipped, gentle girl that made him coffee and brought him raspberry donuts?

You turned his world upside down on a Thursday. He remembers it well, and thinks back to that autumn morning like it’s a picture he keeps in his wallet or a well thumbed book next to his bed. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are - he could be in battle, bloody and bruised, or five thousand miles away from you on a mission in the depths of some town he doesn’t know the name of, feeling himself start to crumble - and the thought of you is enough to steady him, your light luring him back to rationality, his girl.

His sweet girl.

He owed it all to you, and the way you changed his life on that rainy, dreary day and made him realise that home wasn’t a place, it was a person.

The compound was quiet. The Avengers all in a state of limbo; exhausted from hours of travelling, the ghost of bruises and cuts on their knuckles and blood under their fingernails. But more powerful than anything: the red hot relief to finally be back in the tower after two weeks.

The rest of the group fell into their own routines, their own little grooves that they had mastered over the however many years they had been saving the world. The showers were turned onto the highest setting, the smell of Sam’s ridiculously expensive mango shower gel and Nat’s deep, woody body scrub lingering across the floor. Comfort food was made in the kitchen, the throaty sound of laughter and bare feet on the tiles as popcorn sizzled and snapped on the stove. Blankets were draped across the sofas, mugs of hot chocolate and cans of sweet, dry beer passed around and over tangled limbs.

It was something they needed - something they craved. That comforting, warm feeling of family, something so trivial and domestic that it was enough to dull whatever they had been faced with, that for the evening they could think of terrible rom coms and laughter and teasing, rather than civilians dying and the smell of blood and the sound of gunshots. For those stolen moments of happiness after days of heart ache and exhaustion - it was enough.

Well, it was enough for almost everyone.

Whilst the others were arguing over the remote and whether peanut M&Ms were better than chocolate, Bucky was in his room with the lock bolted, methodically cleaning his weapons with surgical precision. He had been at the compound for almost six months, and despite the amenities and luxuries that came with his new home, he felt anything but comfortable.

He liked the people he lived and worked with - and most of them liked him too, but that didn’t do anything to dull the ache in his skull and the uncertainty deep in his gut. After so many years of not being in control of his own mind and body, of having his thoughts and feelings altered by people who saw him as nothing more than a weapon, he was struggling to adjust to his new life.

Amongst all of the chaos though, he had Steve.

The familiar sunshine haired boy that helped ease the storm. His best friend, his brother. The once scrawny teenager that he would follow to the end of the world, all guns blazing, no questions asked. Deep down, he knew that the golden boy was perhaps the only reason he was still at the tower, blending in with all the rest of the wonderful, shining eyed superhero’s around him, making him stick out like a sore thumb.

He knew they thought he could change, but he wasn’t so sure. Sometimes - like the times when he found himself grinning at something Clint said in the back of the jet, or when Nat patted his shoulder in thanks when he covered her in battle, or when he sat on the roof with Steve, talking about faded memories of pin up girls and Coney Island, he felt like perhaps he could be the man Steve thought he was. But then he caught sight of himself in the reflected surfaces of his bathroom, or felt the ricochet of his gun against his shoulder or the blood coating his hands and dripping down into his boots - and he remembered that sometimes people just don’t change.

He listened to the rain as he folded away his weapons that day. Listened to the way the patter of the water muffled the noises of laughter and playfulness coming from the lounge and dissolved into silence. It was too early to retire into bed, and besides, after a mission like the one they had come from sleep wouldn’t be on his mind for a while, his body was still racing with adrenaline.

Then, amongst the patter of raindrops and mingle of voices, he heard something.

A commotion in the hall. His body was finely tuned to pick up anything out of the ordinary, and he could hear the magnetic whir and clang of the elevator as it reached their floor. Everybody was crowded in the living room, which meant it would be somebody from outside the inner circle, and usually that would send cold chills down to his spine, but for some reason this time it didn’t.

Ghosts. Premonitions. Fortune telling. All a load of horse shit to him. He might have been to space and been frozen in time and met some really, really, bizarre people - but there were some things he just didn’t believe in.

Until that rainy day.

It was like a magnetic pull inside of him, when he wanted to lock himself away and not speak to anyone, something inside of him made him want to get up and join the rest of the crew in meeting the stranger.

Even before he saw your face you had him, hook, line and sinker.

So he begrudgingly got to his feet and stood in the doorway, his shoulder leaning against the frame, metal arm out of sight. Steve glanced at him quickly with his eyebrows raised but he ignored him, focusing his eyes on the elevator as it slowly started to open.

Tony looked up suddenly as the doors opened , furrowing his brow at the semi circle of avengers watching him intently. Rather then question it he rolled his eyes, exhaling loudly and stepping forward, gesturing wildly with his arms. “Gather round, gather round, circus freaks. There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

Because Tony’s personality took up almost the entire room by himself, he had to step to the side for everyone to even get a glimpse of who he was talking about. They waited patiently, with crossed arms and gentle smiles as you stepped out of the shadows.

Bucky felt himself freeze.

You looked so... scared. Not in the traditional sense, not like you were terrified of them or fearing for your life, but the kind of alarm that always trudged through his blood, the feeling of unease and instability, as though you didn’t really belong.

Everybody fell into their roles the way he knew they would. You were young, probably not much older than the Parker kid, and that was why Nat and Steve stepped forward instantly, very protective of you before they even knew your name.

Your hair was mused and loose, eyes wide and lips puffy, as if you had just woken up. You were dressed all in black, baggy clothes and no makeup, your fingers interlocked, your rapid heartbeat pulsing in his ears.

And for some reason, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Everyone, this is (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Tony said, one arm resting gently on your shoulders, pushing you forward.

Bucky had to stop himself from saying your name aloud, wondering why he wanted to taste it on his tongue.

As everybody spoke, introducing themselves with just enough reservation to make you feel comfortable, your eyes met, and his heart stopped. Your eyes were more white than not, a little glossy and swimming with uncertainty, and he felt the urge to do something, anything, to make you feel even a little bit calmer.

The feeling was so foreign that he stepped back, tearing his gaze away from you, suddenly unnerved. He didn’t miss the way you exhaled, and he pretended not to notice the way his body seemed to pine for the warmth he had felt when your eyes met.

Bucky heard him whisper to Nat, his usually sardonic voice dripping with genuine concern. “Keep an eye on her, for me, please.”

And although he knew Tony would never ask that of him, he knew that without a doubt, he would.

—————————————————————-

Those next few days, you stayed hidden in your room - which just so happened to be opposite his own.

Despite that, he never saw you. Not even once.

You weren’t at any team meetings or debriefings, you were never nestled in one of the chairs in the lounge, never sat on the balcony watching the sunrise or slicing up strawberries and grapes in the nook in the kitchen.If it wasn’t for the small, barely there noises you made every so often, he would have thought you had left.

Through the vents he could occasionally hear the whine of your door and the gentle sound of your footsteps at midnight darting to the kitchen. Sometimes he heard Wanda speaking softly to you, so kind and gentle that he could even hear the anxiety leave your voice for a little while. He’d hear Tony’s loud and obnoxious knock in the middle of the night, the two of you leaving for the lab under the cover of darkness.

Bucky hardly slept. It had never come smoothly to him, slipped through his fingers too easily like grains of sand. He used to train to block out the noise, attacking a punching bag until all he could hear was the steady thump, thump, thump of his knuckles. Steve had taken him running whenever the nights got too long or too loud, sweating out the frustration he felt as they darted through the streets at midnight, but now he found another way to pass those hours in the dead of night.

There was something oddly comforting to him about laying upright in his bed, reading whatever novel somebody had leant him and told him was a classic, listening out for the shuffle of your footsteps from the other side of the hall. He remembered what it had been like for him when he first moved into the tower. He knew how hard it was, moving into a space that wasn’t your own.

So now he found solace under the breeze of his ceiling fan and the slow drip of that one leaky tap that he still hadn’t fixed and the low hum of whatever sitcom you were watching vibrating through the walls.

He liked to make sure that you were safe. You were obviously scared of something, or someone, and it made him feel better that he was keeping an ear out for anything out of the ordinary. He told himself that it was for the benefit of the whole tower, but that didn’t explain the ease he felt in his chest when he finally heard the quiet, even snores coming from your room, and the way that it made his own eyes start to close.

The next time he saw you in the flesh was almost a month after you had moved in.

He was in the lounge with the rest of the avengers that had slept most of the morning away, Sam nursing a cup of vanilla coffee and Steve watching the news as he made some kind of bizarre and disgusting protein shake. Bucky sat on the sofa with his back ramrod straight as he did the daily crossword, something about filling out the empty boxes comforting him.

It was a rare free day and he had slept in a little longer than usual, only falling asleep after he had heard the squeak of your bed frame and the whir of your fan flittering in his ears. When he had woken up your room was still, and he assumed you were still asleep as he headed out for his run, but by the sound of your voice in the stairwell you had obviously slipped out unnoticed, and he couldn’t help feeling impressed.

He perked up instantly when he heard you. He listened to the soft way you spoke against the sharp click of Pepper’s heels against the floor, his eyes darting to the doorway as he heard you approach. He saw the girls first, the three of them flanking you like a security detail. Wanda and Natasha at your sides, Pepper walking slightly ahead; gesturing with her jewellery clad hands as she spoke to you.

You faltered as you stepped forward, eyes widening like a deer in headlights as you noticed the boys watching you from the other side of the room. Sam awkwardly removed his hand from where he had shoved it down a cereal box, waving kindly with lucky charm marshmallows stuck to his fingers. Steve - ever the gentleman - gave you his classic golden retriever smile, greeting you as though you were an old friend.

You relaxed a little at that, and Bucky felt himself deflate. He would never be the most warm and welcoming person, not anymore, and he wondered why that bothered him so much when it came to you.

Pepper gently placed a hand on your shoulder, and you leaned into her touch like a cat. “Boys. You remember (Y/N).”

You looked up, waving a hand that was hidden by your oversized sweater sleeves. “Hello again.”

A shy smile. Big eyes. A voice like melted chocolate. Bucky felt fourteen again.

He wanted to say something to you, but he couldn’t get any words out. Pepper was on a mission though, perching her hand motherly on your shoulder and escorting you forward. “Right. The lab. This way!”

Bucky’s gaze followed you all the way down the hall, not stopping even when you faded into nothingness. He turned slowly, feeling Steve and Nat watching with matching smirks on their faces, their eyes flickering with childish glee.

He scoffed.

“Shut up.”

———————————————————

As the weeks passed, Bucky hardly caught a glimpse of you. He didn’t even realise he was searching for you, his eyes just flitting over the empty chair at meal times or trailing through the gym, wondering if he might make out the bounce of your hair or the curve of your lips.

Not that he had been thinking about your lips. He definitely hadn’t been thinking about your lips.

You had piqued his interest though. He thought of the way he had been when he first moved into the tower, and knew that the first few weeks were always the hardest. You spent the majority of the time in your room, occasionally leaving for Tony’s floor or the lab, but always hiding in the night and the shadows, falling just out of reach before he got lucky enough to see you.

Fortunately, there were enough recon missions to fill his days. He found distraction in snow capped mountains and dry, dusty deserts, searching for old HYDRA bases or intel that might have been missed. His mind was filled with coordinates and strategy plans, and that worked for a little while. Until the jet landed and he found himself wondering if you would be there with the rest of the team welcoming him back, and every time he was left feeling a quick, pang of disappointment when you weren’t.

Eventually though, things started to look up.

At three in the morning, like clockwork, he began hearing your door squeal as you opened it, and then the sound of sock clad feet padding through the hallways. The first time it happened his heart leapt and he jolted upright, convinced that something bad had happened. He didn’t relax until he heard Natasha speak, voice crystal clear despite the early hour.

“You ready?”

He soon discovered that Natasha had taken you under her wing, and was helping you spar at the times you felt the most comfortable - when the rest of the building was asleep. He knew he wasn’t the only person who was curious about you, wanting to know if you had any powers, and Nat had stopped Steve from asking a million different questions about you.

He didn’t want to make you retreat once again, so he left it alone.

Eventually, you started sleeping in, getting more comfortable and leaving your bed much later than before. The others still kept their distance, entering the gym just as you were leaving, drenched in sweat and smiling. The first time that Bucky saw you smile like that was after a run with Sam, and he swore his knees almost buckled at the sight of you, wide eyed and sparkling like a diamond, sucker punching the air right out of his gut.

It was just about dawn when he next saw you, the sun barely risen, the compound bathed in a golden, ethereal light. No matter how many early mornings they had had, the kitchen still smelt like triple shot espresso and cans of red bull every day, sleepy eyed avengers mumbling and grumbling as they fought over who got to use the coffee machine first. Bucky smiled smugly across his mug of instant grounds that Sam had so tastefully called, “disgusting cheap crap,” as his $3 coffee capsule got crushed once again.

Steve made some quick joke as he towelled off his hair from his shower, but his words crumbled into TV static when Bucky saw you coming off the elevator. You were limping, just a little, but enough to make his heart thunder in his chest. You were smiling though, wide and happily. As bright as the full sun, and Bucky wanted to stay in your warmth for a little bit longer. Natasha held onto you as though you weighed less than a newborn baby, and the two of you stumbled towards your room. Before you disappeared you shot a small and hesitant smile at the boys, one that pierced through Bucky like a steel bullet.

He wanted to keep quiet but he couldn’t. Not after he had seen you.

“You don’t think Natasha is being to hard on her?” He said finally, clearing his throat in an attempt to sound nonchalant.

“Why do you care?” Sam had asked, halfway through a breakfast burrito that was dropping more food on his shirt than into his mouth.

“Camaraderie.” He quipped.

“Camaraderie my ass. Remember that time I almost broke my leg sparring with you? You made me walk myself to the clinic.”

“That’s because you were being whiney and dramatic.”

“Oh? Well I’ll tell you what I think. I think that Mr Barnes here is - ”

“Alright. That’s enough.” Steve said finally, cutting the conversation short, knowing exactly where Sam was going with his thoughts and not wanting to put his best friend through any embarrassment about his... interest in you.

Sam gave him a glare that said that the conversation was definitely not over, but Bucky ignored him, his eyes trailing the hallway you had walked through, his belly aching and flipping from the way that you had looked at him, filling him with a warmth that didn’t dim even long after he had fallen asleep that night.

——————————————————————-

Things really started to change at midnight. When the sky went black and turned into a blanket of obsidian and twinkling stars, that was when both of you came alive.

The nightmares were back, and they were bad. Blood. Metal. Rust. The pain that felt as though his bones were snapping one by one. Gasping for air. Sweat. Fists. Gunshots. No longer could he stay asleep listening out for you, his body didn’t want him to feel comfortable, safe, whatever the way you made him feel. He wouldn’t allow himself the luxury of something as sweet as you. He was not a man that deserved good things, and he knew he certainly didn’t deserve you.

The compound was so big and he felt so small in his bed. Sometimes he swore he could feel the walls closing in, even though he knew his quarters were more than triple the size of some of the hellholes he had been trapped in. He needed space. He needed air. And that was what led him to wander the hallways like some kind of spectre as the city roared and thundered and thrived below him.

The rooftop had always been his favourite spot. Tony loved using it for parties, setting up a bar and filling the hot tub with champagne and hiring some idiot to blast stupid music that made Bucky want to smash his head against a brick wall. But it was often just used by the team, swimming laps in the pool and laughing under the summer sun, strawberries and wine in the spring and late night swims in the rain in the winter, making Clint jump in the frozen water naked after he lost a round of poker.

It was one of the rare places that Bucky felt truly safe. Out in the open air, watching the water sparkle teal under the stars, the city so big and beautiful, lights flickering and horns blaring. He came up when things went bad, losing himself in the noise and the ice cold air. He often pulled a chair out to the edge, drinking a beer that had no effect on him but somehow made him feel a little bit lighter, just watching the world go by.

He hadn’t been up there in a while. The nightmares had stopped for a while, incidentally the same time you arrived, but recently they had started to trickle back in, like rain at the end of summer.

He was in a pair of flannel pyjama pants and a henley with far too many holes in, cradling a mug of cocoa with a shot of dark rum as he stepped off the elevator, stopping suddenly when he noticed the outdoor lights shining brightly. He knew that everybody else was asleep, and his field instincts kicked in quickly, until he noticed the soft lilac hue of your satin pyjamas glistening under the moon.

Perhaps he should have left. He knew that you liked to keep your distance and God, did he understand that, but his feet seemed to stay cemented to the floor. You were luring him like a ship to a lighthouse, beckoning him to follow you, and who was he to resist?

You were bent over a row of plants and flowers, watering them from a buttercup yellow can, your fingers stained with mud. You moved gently, tentatively fondling the leaves and petals and clipping away any stray stems and weeds. He watched you with curious eyes, amazed at how something so simple could show so much about your character. After so long of not seeing you he felt lucky to catch a glimpse, and he didn’t want to do anything to scare you off.

That was, until his foot caught the edge of one of the sun loungers.

For a trained assassin, he could really be a dumbass sometimes.

You looked up quickly, eyes as wide as dinner plates, your face just starting to flush. He held up his free hand, all the air leaving his lungs like a balloon. He stepped back to leave you in peace, but then he heard you softly say:

“Wait.”

So he did.

You looked nervous but enchanting, with your mussed hair and fluffy slippers and long eyelashes. You smiled timidly, but warmly, and looked at him. Really looked at him. And something about that made him feel truly seen, for the first time in a long time.

“Bucky, right?” A pause lingered in the air, he was suddenly face to face with you and somehow all of his words dissolved into the night air. You mistook his turmoil for something else, and straightened up, the trowel in your hand spilling dirt onto the floor. “Oh I’m so sorry. Do you prefer James? Or...”

“Bucky!” He said, almost shouting, and then calmed himself down. He could feel a blush rising up his throat from his outburst, but if it meant you would look at him the way that you were, then he would happily embarrass himself forever.

A moment passed, the stars overhead round and full despite all of the pollution in the city air, and for once Bucky didn’t find them the most beautiful thing he had seen.

“What are you doing?” He asked before he could stop himself.

“Oh, um.” You were a little flustered, the apples of your cheeks rounding and your lips twitching up, like you were laughing at a joke he so desperately wanted to be a part of. It was infectious. You were infectious, and the ice cold assassin felt the frost around his heart start to thaw.

“Tony got them for me.” You said, barely meeting his gaze. “After everything.” You stopped awkwardly and cleared your throat. His interest was piqued but he knew better than to probe you, instead letting you ramble. “He thought it would be good for me to have something to take care of. Something to look after, you know?”

He nodded.

“It’s not much, but sometimes coming up here and watering them just takes my mind off of things, you know?” You said, somewhat absentmindedly. He watched as you stroked the petals, pushing your finger into a droplet of water on the leaves. He wasn’t much of a gardener but he recognised a few of the potted plants. Forget me nots, African violets, buttery yellow primrose and icy purple orchids. You had other things too, sweet mint and thyme and rosemary, and budding stems of strawberries and blackberries and tomatoes.

It was amazing how much life you had grown along the usually industrial looking balcony. It was rare to see something thrive amongst the smoke of the city,

“I like it up here too, it’s peaceful.” He said, looking out at the skyline and smelling the crisp, cool air.

You mistook his honesty for an annoyance at breaching his personal space, and held your hands up apologetically. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” You were about to make excuses and leave, not wanting to upset the very handsome man who had occupied far too much of your brain anymore, but he stepped forward and said quickly:

“No! In fact, I er - I think I like it much more now.”

You smiled, and oh boy, did Bucky know he was done for.

———————————————————-

Bucky started to like the nights.

After the first midnight meeting it somehow became unspoken for the two of you to meet up on the rooftop. Bucky never wanted to overstep or make you feel uncomfortable, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to see you again in the privacy of the twilight, the moonlight casting gold flecks into your eyes.

It should have been awkward. An ex HYDRA puppet and a girl with a blurry past that had just joined the biggest crime fighting organisation in the world should have found it hard to open up to one another, but somehow that didn’t happen.

You both kept the conversation light, the silences were warm and comfortable, and everything felt bizarrely natural. You’d often be preening your plants and Bucky would be sat on a lounge chair, reading a book and sneaking glances at you. You talked about the city, he told you how much it had changed since the 40’s, and you told him about the crappy apartment with no heating and a nest of owls you lived in before Tony took you in.

Family never came up, it was a subject you danced around and Bucky respected your privacy. He told you about his though, it slipped out accidentally when he saw you preening foxgloves the colour of ripe and juicy plums - and how they reminded him of the ones his mother once had in the window box of their kitchen. Somehow the memory hit him like a sucker punch to the gut, and you expertly swerved the conversation onto something else. It lingered in his mind for the rest of the night, only dimming when he came home from a workout the following morning and saw a little vase filled with purple petals and a book titled “Caring For Foxgloves” left outside of his door.

His smile didn’t fade the whole rest of the day, even through Sam’s relentless teasing.

He remembered you talking about your favourite cafe off campus, and the white hot chocolate and raspberry donuts you would kill for, and took an hour detour from his running route to pick them up for you both to share later that night.

It was amazing, how this girl he only knew through the sounds from his wall was now sitting with him in the early hours of the morning, talking to him like he was a real person and not just some shitty science experiment. You exchanged books, giving him ones that you thought he would enjoy, and he devoured them in less than a week, finding traces of you between the pages.

The two of you never sat right beside one another. You knew his past and you were cautious not to overwhelm him, always leaving generous inches and metres between you both. For the first time in a long time Bucky didn’t want somebody to give him space, he craved those moments when your fingertips would brush as he helped you pot a plant, when your thighs would touch as you leant over him to watch the stars, when he could feel your warmth orbiting him like a planet.

He used to loathe the night time, but now, he spent the whole day aching for the sun to set so he could be with you.

Eventually, as you grew closer with him, you also grew closer with the team, and soon you were joining them sporadically for movie nights and “Friends” marathons and training. You mainly stayed with Wanda and Nat, the two girls sparring with you and showing you the ropes and coming from a place you could understand the best, but you always ended up back next to Bucky - and he loved it.

The rest of the team noticed too. The way that you brought Bucky out of his shell and he helped you to feel grounded. Steve instantly saw that the smile on his best friends face was wider than it had been in fifty years, and he enjoyed watching the two of you together, happy his best friend was happy.

Bucky felt his own change, too. He was no longer a blushing, stuttering mess around you, (well, not completely. He was still a wreck when you smiled at him, or laughed, or did basically anything) but he had found a comfortable middle ground in your friendship, the two of you able to tease and joke with each other like old friends. Finding ways to talk the whole night and day away, watching the sky turn from obsidian to sweet purple and then milky blue, both of you wondering how you had managed to once again miss an entire night quicker than a snap of fingers.

He knew that he was in deep when you got cleared for your first mission.

He remembered waking up, running with Steve, drinking coffee and making eggs, all whilst pretending he wasn’t looking over his shoulder waiting for you every few seconds. Sam came in with a smug smile and stole a slice of toast, buttering it until it was dripping and eating it in seconds, his brow furrowing a little as he watched Bucky.

“What?” Bucky asked, shooting him a curious glance.

“Aren’t you gonna say goodbye to your girl?”

“She not ‘my girl’.” Bucky said through a mouthful of coffee, hating how the words made him feel.

“Oh, right. Of course not. It’s not like the two of you don’t spend every second of every day and every night together, and it’s not like you’re totally head over heels -”

Bucky decided it would be easier to just cut him off, taking his frustration out on the eggs he was now whisking a little too hard. “Why would I say goodbye to her?”

“You didn’t hear?”

He shook his head, suddenly feeling a million tiny needles prickle his skin.

“Bruce signed her off. She’s heading to Madrid with Nat.”

“She’s what?”

That was all it took for him to leave, Sam watching him closely and smirking to himself. Not noticing until it was too late that the pan had started smoking, and the smell of burnt eggs wafted through the air, and Sam was left alone to grab the fire extinguisher and coat the meal in clouds of white foam.

Bucky stormed through the halls, he wasn’t quite sure what his plan was, his mind felt like a bowl of alphabet soup and he couldn’t quite place his anger or frustration, but that didn’t stop him from tearing through the rooms with a face like thunder. He found Tony in the conference room, finalising the mission plans and murmuring under his breath. Bucky feet moved him forward before he could even compute it.

“You signed her off?”

Tony exhaled loudly, and with obvious frustration spun round on his three hundred thousand dollar shoes.

“I was wondering when you would pitch in your two cents.”

“Do you think she’s ready?”

“Yes I do.”

“What if -? What if something happens? What if something goes wrong? What if - ”

“It won’t.”

“What if it does?”

“Look, Barnes. I know you and (Y/N) have been getting on well, and I know that she’s opened up a lot because of you -” He paused, mulling over the distaste in his mouth. “... As much as that might irritate me. But you don’t know what she’s like on the field, she’s brilliant.”

Bucky didn’t doubt that for a second, but his blood was as cold as ice. Missions went wrong all of the time, even a simple recon with Clint ended up with them both littered in bullets, and the mere thought of that made his head spin. He had no real reason to be so overprotective of you, but he truly couldn’t help it, everything in him was screaming at him to keep you safe.

“Are you even sure that...”

“Bucky?” He felt like a scarecrow shoved in a pool of mud, stuck straight and stiff as you said his name and rendered him totally tongue tied. He wondered how much you had heard, and he felt like there was an ice cube trailing down his spine.

“Aha! There she is! Superwoman!” Tony said, clapping his hands together, always knowing how to diffuse the tension.

He turned around and felt his heart jack hammer in his chest. He could see Nat, but his eyes totally passed over her, because you were there: your hair tied up and back from your face, subtle makeup with long eyelashes and syrupy lips, a black and powder pink tactical suit that fit and hugged every curve and bow of your body. His brain totally let him down, short circuiting at the mere sight of you. You looked so happy and healthy and glowing, and also like you could knock him out with a single punch - and good god would he let you.

“Bucky I was erm, I was looking for you. I wanted to say goodbye.” You clasped your hands together, appearing so sweet and shy, a total contrast to the femme fatale you portrayed.

“Natalia!” Tony said quickly, and for once Bucky was grateful for his interruption. “Come and look at this strange bird with me.”

All of you knew it was quite possibly the worst fake distraction ever but you ignored it. Nat just rolled her eyes and followed Tony to the balcony, but not before wiggling her eyebrows at Bucky.

You moved forward tentatively. “I wanted to tell you this morning but I couldn’t find you.” You weren’t quite sure why you were so cautious and apprehensive, desperate to speak to him. You had been travelling and fighting for as long as you could remember, you had spent many years alone and entered the battlefield countless times - and yet, that morning as Bruce gave you the all clear, the only person you wanted to see or speak to was Bucky.

“I was running, I’m sorry.”

You smiled, and it made him smile. “Well I’ve found you now.” You stepped forward, Bucky inhaled air so sharply it almost sliced the back of this throat. “I wanted to say goodbye, and that I’ll see you soon.” You paused, then blinked up at him almost cheekily. “Would you do me a favour? If you have time? Could you water the plants for me?”

He grinned, toothy and white. “Already on it.”

“Goodbye, Bucky.”

He put his hand on your shoulder, and he swore he could feel you melt into his touch, or maybe that was his knees buckling at his stupidity and the way that you were looking up at him. He wanted to say a million things, but instead he settled for: “Goodbye, (Y/N). Be safe, okay?”

“Of course.”

He watched as you packed your things and headed to the jet, the rest of the crew coming out to say their farewells and wish them luck. His eyes were trained on you as you spoke to Tony, nodding your head as you listened to him. He felt Natasha sidle up next to him, her hair shining copper in the sun.

“She’ll be alright, Barnes.”

“I know. But - ”

“I’ll take care of her. Promise.”

“Thank you, Nat. Good luck.”

“Don’t need it!”

Three hours later and he was in the gym, punching out his excess energy. The bag was splitting at the seams, and sand trailed sadly onto the floor. Bucky ignored it, his hits getting harder and faster, his blood pounding in his ears. Since you had left he had taken to pacing the floor and biting his nails down to the wick, hovering over Steve as he spoke to Nat through her wire. He only left when he realised that he was driving everybody else crazy with his obsessive twitching and marching, taking out his frustration on whatever he could rip apart with his fingers.

“Tony’s going to kill you if you break anymore punching bags.” Steve said from behind him, his voice echoing around the dark room.

“Hmph.”

He couldn’t stop. His hands were red raw and his knuckles were scraped but they would heal soon, and he’d go back to tearing them up all over again, anything to get rid of the adrenaline and nausea that had been swimming in him since the morning.

A minute passed. And then two. And then three. He exhaled, pausing, his hands midway in the air. He was about to say what he had always known, right from the second your eyes met that crisp autumn day, and Steve was the only one he could confide in.

“I think I’m falling in love with her.”

Steve hardly even blinked, just clapped a hand on his shoulder, warm and comforting, his brother.

“I know.”

Because of course he did. He knew it from the way Bucky smiled, the way he was lighter, brighter, like you had made him switch on and appreciate the little things around him. He had seen Bucky doe eyed and loopy over hundreds of girls back in the day, he knew how he got, but this... this was something bigger, magnetic, the clash of two electric people.

There wasn’t much Steve could say, he was great at saving people but not so good at the more personal side of things, he still turned into a puddle when Sharon looked at him. Instead he laughed, his teeth white as snow and his eyes playful and teasing. “You got it bad, dude.”

Despite everything Bucky smiled. Because yeah, he did.

————————— ————————————

You came back from the mission unharmed and euphoric.

And the second. And the third. And the fourth.

Bucky still tracked mud across all of the carpets and tapped his feet mindlessly for the entirety you were gone, but he was getting better. Steve had even bought him a joke present of a pear shaped and scented stress ball, but Bucky had ripped it in half when there was gunfire in the background of your coms, followed by an apologetic “Sorry!” from Sam. Bucky had then poured all of the tiny fruit smelling beads under the duvet in Sams bed, and then put all of his toilet paper on the holder backwards, knowing how annoyed he got about it.

Every time you came back you were exhausted and elated and beaming, and after having a nap and a shower you spent the rest of the day with the team, but the nights were reserved just for him. You grew even closer together. Steve had watched from the rooftop doorway gobsmacked one evening when he had left his phone up there, watching the way you two interacted, the way that he curled into your touch, never away from it. You got electric shocks when your fingers touched, you would blush when his knee playfully nudged yours at something stupid somebody had said at dinner, and you found yourself falling asleep to the image of chestnut hair and ocean eyes. You had crushes before, but this was all consuming, the kind of thing that made your stomach erupt in butterflies and your eyes turn into hearts.

You were worried that it might be one sided, but Bucky was totally, completely, smitten.

He watched you. Noticed the way that you smiled and laughed and tucked your hair behind your ear. He thought of the girls in the forties, with their painted lips and curled hair and immaculate clothes, and how you blew all of them out of the water, even in just your flannel pyjamas and bunny slippers. The coil in his belly when he looked at you reminded him of being sixteen and holding hands at the pictures, but that had just been a flicker, and this was a forest fire.

The first mission with the rest of the crew was when things went sour.

He got to see how you acted first hand. The way that you were quiet in the jet, but smiling strawberry red, taking in all of the orders that Steve meticulously laid out, your eyes wide and eager. He watched you as he helped Nat set up the guns and stock the ammo, the way that you toyed with the knife in your boot, the gears in your head turning and working on something he was desperate to discover.

He hadn’t been on a mission with you, not only because they way you looked in your suit and the way that you grinned would have led to him inadvertently getting a bullet in his head, but because from what he had heard, your fighting styles were totally different. Your powers and your skills were a mystery to him, one that he badly wanted to solve, but you kept that side of you hidden and guarded with barbed wire, and he respected that.

You were paired off with Sam. Nat with Clint. Bucky with Steve. Wanda with Vision. It was a simple mission, there was some intel locked in a safe of a seemingly abandoned factory in the south of Russia. Tony had discovered the place crawling with hidden members of a gang that specialised in human trafficking and organ farming, and he needed what was hidden below to help blow it out of the water.

It was going to take a lot of skill. There was no doubt that the enemies would be heavily armed, possibly even with illegally manufactured weapons, and all of you had to keep your heads straight the entire time. He had wanted desperately to be paired with you, to keep his eye on you, (not that you needed it) but he knew it was out of the question. Instead, as you all split up a few miles away in the woods, he grabbed your hand quickly and rubbed his finger across your knuckles, looking at you intently, his eyes swimming with sincerity.

“Be careful.” He said, his gaze locked on yours.

You smiled. “Always.”

He stuck his middle finger up at Steve’s smug face as they headed towards the factory.

Things were going well. As well as they could be when they were covered in blood and sweat and surrounded by the sound of gunfire and cracking bones. Nobody had been hurt so far, the coms quiet as the pairings cleared their sectors and worked their way down to the basement. Bucky had just pushed the last man over the railing and onto the concrete floor below when he heard the crackle of panicked voices in his ear, his eyes darting to Steve.

“Shit! Fuck!”

“Sam?”

“It’s (Y/N)! Fuck! One of them took her!”

“What?” Steve said instantly, switching straight from solider to captain, immediately alert.

“There was too many, it was an ambush!”

“Sam just stay there and - ” Steve tried to keep his voice steady and level, but it seemed as though the walls were closing in. To make matters worse, he saw a blur of black in his eye line, and watched helplessly as his best friend tore down the stairwell, his footsteps a clap of thunder. “Fuck! Bucky!”

Bucky knew that he was going to get one hell of a lecture and probably some six week course in impulse in the force, but all that he could think about was you, his blood was ice cold, his body numb and his brain conjuring up a million different pictures of you that made him feel sick to his stomach. He leapt over the bannister and landed haphazardly on the floor, his gun cocked and ready. His eyes were nothing but jet black pupils, scanning for your face through the halls.

He knew that you and Sam had been working through what used to be the laboratory, and that was on the other side of the building. His legs and arms moved almost mechanically, determined to get to you as quickly as possible, taking out anybody that stood in his way. He could hear Steve calling from behind him, and the sputter of the others in his earpiece, but his focus was on one thing. You.

The men were big and brawny and mean. Tattooed arms and shaved heads and gold teeth. Bucky shredded through them like they wore nothing. He flung them over tables, threw them through doorways and dragged them up by the roots of their hair. They were strong though, laughing at him through coffee stained teeth, loving his anger and desperation.

“Where is she?” He snarled at one particularly vicious thug brandishing two assault rifles.

“Who? Your whore? Dead.”

He snapped his neck like it was nothing but a twig.

He ran from room to room, his boots squealing across blood and stray bullets, his breath as ragged and sharp as glass. Everywhere was empty. Rows of vials and big glass cylinders and cages for animal testing, there was nothing, the place completely ransacked and bare. He hissed, getting ready to fight his way through another floor until he heard exasperated grunts and the clash of metal from a small room off to the side.

He skidded into the doorway with his rifle up at his shoulder, his finger right on the trigger, ready to shoot somebody’s fucking head off. Instead he paused, his mouth agape and his hands lowering, the whole room standing still. There was a freezer. Probably for samples and test tubes and whatever crazy fucking thing they kept in a place like this, but they had used it as a cage, the handles tied with thick copper chains and padlocks. Sam was using the butt of his gun to smash his way through, and they were old and rusty and starting to crumble easily, and Bucky watched helplessly as he finally busted in, clouds of ice puffing around him.

Bucky didn’t know why he couldn’t move. Couldn’t help. But his feet were as heavy as cinder blocks, and his heart was thundering in his ears. There was a small squeal, broken and half hearted, void of anything other than exhaustion, and then the smell of tears and blood, followed by sweet mint and wildflowers. Unmistakably you.

He wanted to run forward and scoop you in his arms, press your head against the crook of his neck and get you far, far away from this place, but he couldn’t move, and so he watched as Sam tugged you into him, running his fingers through your hair, cradling you like a child, soothing you as you cried hot, wet tears into his suit. And Bucky wished with everything in him that it was him instead.

He stayed back as you flew home with Sam. He kept away when you were in the hospital with Bruce, lurked in his room when you went over everything with Tony, locked himself away when you confided in Steve. He felt as though he had failed you, no matter what the others said. He felt as though he had let you down, and the noise you had made when Sam tugged you from the depths of that tiny little box, it played in his head like a warped record, haunting him and his dreams.

For a week he kept to himself. For a week he ran a different route and trained at a gym down by the water. For a week he took his motorbike out to a shitty diner in the bad part of town and ate soggy pancakes instead of having dinner with the team, for a week he did everything he could to not see you, thinking that would ease what you had been through, but instead it left you feeling torn and hurt and completely alone.

Tony made him come in to test out a new reloading system and so he reluctantly snuck down to the figuring range under the cover of darkness. He allowed himself to get lost in the sounds of carnage and the smell of metal, until he heard soft footsteps from behind him.

“You’re avoiding me.”

You seemed so sad, and that made his heart clench.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

Silence. That had never been awkward between the two of you, ever, and yet now it was so thick you could cut through it with a knife.

You wrung your hands together, your eyes flitting around the room, never quite landing on his face. That hurt. After a moment you cleared your throat, using the toe of your sneaker to kick up dust from the floor. “Do you - do you know? I mean, has anybody said anything to you? About me?”

He shook his head. “No.” There had been a million times when it was on the tip of his tongue to pry the truth from Nat or Steve, but his respect for you was stronger than his need for answers.

He felt his stomach flip when you finally blinked up at him. You looked as though you hadn’t slept and he knew he looked worse. You were still so beautiful though, looking so young and angelic under the harsh lights and surrounded by all the weaponry. Like a powder pink rose amongst giant, violent thorns.

Unable to stop himself, he blurted out, “I’m sorry.”

“You said that.”

“Not for avoiding you. For letting you - For not being there for you.”

Your mouth was open, brows furrowed as you took in what he said. “What?”

“I should have helped you.” There was desperation in his voice, and he turned to face the targets rather than look at you, not wanting you to see him so weak.

You were silent for quite a while. It was difficult for you to digest his words, like swallowing glass. You had been under the impression that seeing you tearful and cowering and broken had scared him off, had made him look at you differently, but now you knew that he blamed himself. “Bucky...” You said, biting back emotion. “Its not your fault.” Your tone was definite. Strong. You wouldn’t let him feel guilty for something he had no control over.

He brushed you off, shifting his weight, turning playful. “Yeah I know. It was Sam’s.”

You rolled your eyes.

He clicked his tongue. He set the gun down on the table and turned to face you fully, his eyes solid and unwavering. “I am so sorry you got hurt.”

“I wasn’t - I.”Finding the right words was hard. You had so much you wanted to tell him but no idea how to, the sentences sticking to the roof of your mouth like peanut butter. “It was just...Can we? Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“The roof?”

“Yeah,” You smiled, and Bucky swore even the strongest industrial lights couldn’t even match your spark. “The roof.”

Under the stars and above the city as the cars raced and the sirens blared, you told him everything. Growing up as a lab rat, twisted and moulded by scientists and pumped full of chemicals. You told him of finding your powers and being forced to use them for vile things you couldn’t even repeat, and when he heard the tremor of your voice and saw the gloss on your eyes his whole body vibrated and turned a shade of red that it was almost black. You told him how the people that created you had wanted you back, and how Tony had saved you from being taken again, how you owed him your life.

He wasn’t good with comfort. He wasn’t good with words. He was good at tearing people apart limb from limb and shooting them from distances and breaking their bones like they were toothpicks, but for you, he would try. In a move so unlike him that it felt as though he might have been brainwashed once again, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close.

You froze at first, but eventually thawed and melted into him, grateful for his touch. You had wanted to be close to him since the first time you met but you held back, and now everything felt right, like the missing piece of a puzzle slotting into place. Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he gave someone a bear hug, his nose buried in your hair, his fingers locked around you, desperate to keep you safe. Perhaps it was way back then, a time of uniforms and alleyways and candy floss and city smog, a time he used to long for with everything in him.

But now the memories of the past didn’t even compare to what he felt when he held you.

———————————————————

Everything came to a head on the first mission you had alone together.

Two months passed. Two months of subtle touches and shared smiles and inside jokes. Two months of rooftop laughter and midnight meetings and eating ice cream straight from the tub as you sat under the stars. Two months of utter, dreadful, aching, slow burning, and it was driving everybody else crazy.

Mostly Sam.

“I’m just saying,” Sam had murmured to Steve over chocolate eclairs one morning as they watched you teach a wide eyed, love struck Bucky how to play Mario Kart. “Can’t we just lock them in a room? Force them to kiss?”

“No.”

“It’s just so gross.”

Wanda flicked a grape at him, smiling cheekily as it bounced off his nose. “It’s sweet.”

He cocked a brow and tilted his head, his eyes filled with mild disgust. “Is it?”

Steve flicked through the files in his hand and licked whipped cream from his fingers. “He’s happy. Leave him be.”

“He’s a dumbass.”

“They both are.” Natasha interjected from behind them, wiping sweat from her brow and pulling off her boxing gloves. She was monotone and her face was straight, but even the black widow couldn’t bite back the smile she had as she watched the girl she now thought of as a sister and the once murderous, unbeatable assassin arguing about blue shells on the sofa.

The first mission you had been assigned together was in a small town in the Midwest somewhere. There had been unusual sightings in an airfield in the middle of nowhere, and a fugitive from Germany had been spotted in the bars that bordered the little village. Tony didn’t want to send too many people and blow the cover, just your powers of manipulation and telekinesis to apprehend the subject, and Bucky for added strength and precision.

Initially Tony was hesitant on pairing the two of you together, but there was no denying that you both worked brilliantly together. You understood one another on a level that nobody else did.

Bucky didn’t get nervous before a mission. In fact, he hardly felt anything. He spent the hours in the jet preparing himself and his weapons, going over maps and plans until they were drilled in his brain. But as the two of you took off, you with your rose blossom lips and eye watering suit and soft laughter, Bucky felt a warmth coiling in his stomach.

Apprehension.

You were staying at a cheap hotel a few blocks from the airfield. Tony had thought of everything and booked the two of you in rooms the opposite end of the hall from each other. Three floors apart. Bucky had slipped the receptionist a twenty for the room next to yours. For protection, of course.

Working undercover could be mind numbingly boring. Hours sat in a parked car in the dead of night, freezing to the bone as you watched an apartment from the bushes, trailing a suspect for days on end - but any time with you was a blessing for Bucky, even if it was sat behind the wheel of a cheap car with painful seats and broken heating.

The mission was a quiet one at first, you’d spotted the subject and had been following him, but all he seemed to do was eat crappy diner food and watch hours of cartoons. You both remained a safe distance but you managed to eventually bug his apartment when he spent the evening at a strip club. Tony and Steve updated you often, they had intercepted his phone calls and learnt that he was sending out a shipment late one night, and the two of you needed to stop it before it reached the air.

The rain was torrential when the two of you left the hotel. You smiled secretly to yourself as you walked through the slick streets, noticing how Bucky always made sure you were on the side away from the road, and how he moved so that you never got your feet in puddles. You were in the middle of nowhere following a criminal who spent far too much time eating potato chips and watching Rick and Morty, and yet you struggled to think of a time when you had been more content.

It meant everything to you.

Staying up late to listen into his apartment, Bucky buying practically the entire vending machine, the two of you pigging out and talking about nothing. You had breakfast at diners and communicated at night through knocks on the wall. Whenever you were out and the air was ice cold, Bucky would always move in close to you, his arm brushing against yours, his body your own personal heater. He wanted nothing more in those moments then to pull you into him and warm you up some other way, but instead he kept his eyes fixed forward, and bit the inside of his cheek until it bled.

You arrived at the airfield at midnight. The moon was high and the sky was dark and you both had to crouch low to be avoided by the overhead lights. You saw the suspect speaking to someone on his phone, and not long after a large white van pulled up towards him, the driver getting out and opening the boot.

“That’s it.” Bucky said pointing at the wooden crates. His voice was right by your ear, and you tried to ignore the way you shivered.“You ready?”

You nodded, smiling up at him. “Always.”

What happened next was mostly a blur. The two of you kept your heads down and your hands on your weapons, the pounding of the rain disguising your footsteps. You made it across the tarmac with Bucky covering you, his eyes alert and prepared for any imposing danger. You lifted your hands, ready to snap your fingers and apprehend the man rooting around the boxes, but before you could even feel the warm buzz of your powers through your veins, six men leapt out from the back of the van, guns raised and smoking.

“Fuck. Fuck! It’s a set up.”

Without even a second thought, Bucky pushed you aside. His body totally covered your own, and he hissed and swore, firing back at the bullets rapidly charging at you. You swung your hands and fought back, sending out flickers of fire and air, setting one of them alight and watching as he howled in pain. Bucky shot at everyone he could, sharp pierces right in the skull, always one hundred percent accurate, but his brain was whirring a mile a minute. He was trying his best to keep his eyes on you, his only goal was to make sure you were safe.

It wasn’t like he thought you were weak - far from it. He had seen you out on the field, been knocked on his ass from the aftershock of your powers more times than he could count, and he knew he had no real reason to be so worried but that did nothing to stop the prickling feeling across his skin like a million tiny little flames at the thought of you getting hurt.

You were determined to keep him safe as well though.You tossed back bullets and threw your knife through the air, smiling as it slashed through on of them, leaving him crumpled and crying on the floor. The two of you worked well together, playing off of each other’s attacks and combining your skills to get as many of them down as you could. Right when the last man hit the floor, you exhaled, and Bucky allowed himself a soft smile, looking beautiful and bruised in the middle of a rainstorm.

“Are you alright?” You heard him say, but his voice faded into static in your ears. Behind him one of them had struggled to his feet, blood spurting out from his neck, his face filled with nothing but venom, his eyes wild and vicious. You didn’t even blink, thrusting your hands forward and sending a wave of power through the air.

But it was too late.

He had already lifted his gun, a ripple of bullets flying towards you both. You leapt in front of Bucky, pushing his head down and trying to soften the impact, but his hands curled painfully around your waist, dragging you onto the floor and under him. The bullets missed the two of you by centimetres, piercing into the airplane behind you both. Your surge of power had knocked the man back and he was down once again, his body now pale and lifeless. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears, and Bucky’s. He was fully on top of you, warm and solid and absolutely seething, his chest rising and falling above your own.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Bucky...” You inhaled, trying to get him to calm down and look at you but he merely shook his head, his body vibrating blood red.

“No. We’re leaving. Now.”

———————————————————-

After the ambush, it was too risky to return to the hotel, and so Steve sent out coordinates for a safe house an hour away. The ride there was completely silent. You didn’t even try to speak or diffuse the tension, you could practically feel Bucky’s anger, and the steering wheel had even started to bend from his grip.

The safe house was a small cottage. The only heat was from a tiny wood burner in the lounge, and the only food on the shelves were tinned peaches and cans of custard. Everything was oddly cosy. Pink knitted throws and round plush cushions and mismatched sofas, dried lavender tied to the wall and exposed brick and white, ceramic milk jugs. In any other circumstance you would have been happy to spend the night, but Bucky’s sour mood was quick to dim your spark.

You sighed as he threw his duffel bag onto the table, angrily heading to the sink and twisting the tab, exhaling loudly at the thin dribble of water that came out.

“Bucky.” You started to say, but he held his hand up as a warning.

“No.”

“Yes!” You snapped, needing him to understand you. “You have to listen to me.”

He dismissed you, too overcome with annoyance to even process your words. You could have died tonight, and you were acting as though it didn’t matter. “You were a goddamn idiot out there.”

“No I wasn’t!”

He slapped his hand on the wooden counter, a slap ringing through the small room.“You jumped in front of a bullet -“

“You almost got shot Bucky!”

“You almost got shot.”

“It was what was best for the mission.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the mission! I only care about you.”

“What?” Your voice was soft. A whisper. You could hear everything around you, feel him before he even stepped forward. Your breathing was shaky, adrenaline spiking through your body. The man you were in love with looking at you desperately and longingly, as though there was a physical ache inside of him.

He shrugged, because what else was there to say? He was looking deep into your own eyes, wanting to drown in them. His face was stern and hard and he was pissed, and yet, strangely, none of what had happened seemed to matter. He stepped towards you, his gaze running across your figure, looking for any cuts or bruises one of those fuckers might have left on you.

“Are you hurt?” He said finally, his face millimetres from your own.

“No.”

“Good.”

He kissed you. His hands went up and into your hair, his chest pressed against yours, his lips were warm and soft and hungry, ready to devour the one thing he had wanted since the very first time he laid eyes on you. You melted into his touch and he smiled. The kiss got more intense, teeth clashing and hands under sweaters and his body rolling against yours. You moaned in his mouth and he bit your lip and your pulses synced and raced and leapt. This was six months of pure longing and frustration and the need to portray everything that had gone unsaid for far too long.

It wasn’t long before you ended up on the floor. You were both too greedy and touch starved to even stop or make your way upstairs, you both needed the other like air, like addicts desperate for another hit. His lips were all over every bit of skin he could find, you lasted like sweat and cinnamon and vanilla and he swore he would give up everything he had if he got to feel you like this, whining and writhing and grabbing him, tugging him closer and kissing him like an angelic little devil.

He had once been a Casanova. He had once made ladies swoon and mothers blush and fathers clench their fists. Then he had been shattered, rebuilt in a way that wasn’t quite right, his body used for torture rather than pleasure. And yet, with you, the rain pelting the windows and your bodies intertwined and your lips tasting like summer strawberries and everything that he had ever dreamed of - he felt whole, for the first time in a long time. The noises you made were sinful, and his thoughts were nothing but you,you,you, the girl he had fallen in love with through the sounds in the wall and with the flowers on the roof, the girl that occupied his brain more than anything else.

Everything was too much and not enough, his head was buried in your neck, your legs were around his waist, pulling him tighter, urging him to go deeper. He had dreamt of this moment for a long time. He had imagined a candle lit dinner and red roses and awkward touches and itchy dress shirts, he wanted everything to be perfect, because you deserved the world. But in the living room of a safe house in the middle of nowhere, covered in sweat and blood and surrounded by thunder and clashing furniture seemed oddly magical for a couple with roots like yours.

After, you were cradled in the crook of his arm, with your hair splayed across his bare chest. Bucky was having a hard time controlling his rapid pulse and heavy breathing because holy shit he had just slept with the girl of his dreams, but one look at you under the moonlight looking ethereal and exhausted and everything else just dissolved into wisps or smoke.

He wanted to tell you in a better way, but he just couldn’t keep it in any longer. His brain was fizzled with pleasure and dizzy with euphoria, and he just wanted, needed you to know everything.

“I’m in love with you. I have been since I first saw you.”

You froze. After a beat, you buried your face into the flesh of his chest, your soft laughter tickling his abdomen, his fingers trailing loosely across your spine. You smiled like a child, looking up at him with big eyes and heart shaped lips.

“God. We’re both idiots. I’m so in love with you too, Buck.”

He grinned, and he felt like his heart might tear in two.

—————————————————————-

You arrived back at the compound with interlocked fingers and matching grins and Sam nearly collapsed with relief. Tony almost went into cardiac arrest.

For the first time in fifty years, happiness followed Bucky wherever he went. Things were easy, light. You were his. You crawled into his arms at the end of a bad day and you laughed into his shoulder and you held his hand and kissed him and killed him and resurrected him all at the same time. He had never felt home in this modern world, and now he looked forward to each day and whatever strange and inane adventure the two of you would end up on. The anvil that had been crushing his heart for so long had started to lighten, and he owed it all to you.

Still, there were hard days. When he woke up slick with sweat with eyes wider than the moon and an urge to wrap his hands around something, or when you thought of the past and became consumed by the memories, tears falling down your face before you could stop them. He got jealous, and he had multiple stern talks with Steve about “not threatening the interns just because they speak to your girlfriend,” you could be stubborn, take on more than you needed, return from a mission with a limp you tried to hide, one that eventually led to an argument about your reckless choices. But nothing ever lasted more than a day. You were always there for one another, with open arms and gentle smiles and the unconditional love that people would kill for.

He had been in a million different situations where he felt like he was drowning. Like something was pulling him under the depths, crushing his lungs and shattering his oesophagus. But nothing compared to how he felt around you. Nothing could match the way you consumed him completely. the electricity that coursed through his veins when your fingers brushed against his, there was nothing quite like the way his heartbeat would slow when you were around, the way that he suddenly felt warm and full whenever you laughed.

He had spent so long alone. He had spent so many years fighting a war he never signed up for, and he was exhausted. He was starved of attention but terrified of exposing himself, and he lived with a chain link fence around his heart. Your soft voice so soothing, the sweetness in your eyes and the innocent bat of your lashes disarmed him better than any soldier ever could. There was something about you - something magnetic, magical.

Your sweetness went straight to his brain. One look at you and his mind dizzied, a sugar rush that only you gave him.

Whenever somebody asked where he was from, he thought partly of Brooklyn, of his mother and Steve, of cobbled streets and dog tags and ink stained newspapers. He thought of darkness. Of being moulded and reshaped deep down in the depths of bad places, of iron and rust and metal, his hands coated in blood.

But mostly, he thought of you. Safe and warm and sweet and so good. How expensive mattresses and dim candles and hot chocolate didn’t make him feel half the way that you did. How you grounded him, calmed him, made everything feel light and coated in sunshine when he had spent so goddamn long being frozen.

So when somebody asked where he was from, he thought of you, because you were home.

[chaoticspacefam]

OC Music Meme

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go! I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen​ , @kyber-heart​ , @thedinalixlegacy​ (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!

art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D

Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.

reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)

You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD “Because I'm hyped up out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know.”  don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*

Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on,  as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them. "I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings. That should tell where all blame is due, So why are they pointing at MY head? [...] I sense deception to come. Honestly, truth and I are never one. 'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask, or else I'll be left in the lie. And I'll deceive my way straight to demise! Cause I’m not in the right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight! But I don’t deserve to win it... I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...” 

I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao

Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about

“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy” So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy! My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I too have a destiny! This death will be art! The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, And I'll be great too! I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!!“

reminds another character of them:

Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :( “Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know If she ran away, If she ran away, Come back home Just come home“

Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother) “Love all you need to love before it goes... When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know. You will never remember who I was to you [...] I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”

Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.). Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song. "Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you. It’s a habit...I can’t help it. I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent. I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything! But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”

Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You���re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”

Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.

(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops) You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love) Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷‍♀️ Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually) “I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me. Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~ [...] You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?” ”Of course not!” ”Well, I do...” See me change...into something...darker....” My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.

[sparklyandchic]

🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋

okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!

5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.

cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.

meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today. 

relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. 

ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward! 

[lookwhatilost]

lmao Christ I found the peach post abt my first date w andrew and it’s such a doozy

why did I even keep talking to him after this

this is long as fuck and also super nsfw but my fucking GODDD is it a ride

okay so I met andrew when he was bartending at social still a while back. hes p much worked in every bar in downtown Bethlehem – like, the tapas bar where I used to go w ian all the time, “nothing good ever happens at” rippers, he used to barback alongside w jus at steelgaarden, slung margaritas at urbano, and plied me w spiked shamrock shakes at mccarthys – so we’ve run into one another multiple times as he’s bounced around the north side. I made a joke once abt how he spawns in every bar and he thought it was funny

so he randomly asks me on a date over messenger and i accept. like, I’m still in contact w Justin but whatever undiagnosed mental illness he has is becoming more apparent and distressing w each passing day and it’s becoming more obvious that he intends to do nothing abt it. so I’m not rly sure abt what to do w that and those feelings and everything but it’s definitely time to start exploring other avenues even if it’s jst for the sake of palette cleansing.

he wants to go see this all female performative of waiting for godot at the community college and I think that sounds cool. it’s creative, it’s different, we can go out after it. I get home a little early and tell him we can hang out my place for a little beforehand and get the “getting to know u better” awkward talk out of the way before we go over. and he’s obviously very nervous but he’s sweet, yknow

we go over to the community college and the play is weird and long. the intermission is at 9 and we leave during that bc we dnt wanna be stuck there until almost midnight. so we go to TR (while tommy is working bc I’m Bitch) and chat and drink and we’re hitting it off very well. he’s cool! he’s smart! he’s funny! he’s weird as hell but in a good way! it’s not jus lvl Fireworks but I’m happy and I’m distracted. We hop to stoke and stick around until last call and grab a 6 pack to take back to my apartment

I literally never do shit like this but I have no problem w him coming over there and sleeping over bc, hey, I’m Definitely Going To Have A Second Date W Him. it rly seemed like this could’ve gone somewhere. so I thought

and what follows is nsfw bc I cant stress enough that this is basically my version of cat person

like listen. intimacy w justin was very hit or miss in terms of him being too rough or something awkward happening outside of that. and it was disappointing sometimes but it was something I could overlook bc it was someone I was fucking over the moon for. and those awkward moments were basically my benchmark for what bad sex looked like

I dnt think ive ever been more incorrect abt anything in my life

this guy is jst. the absolute worst. like first of all I take his shirt off and he has fucking dermal piercings on his hips and I’m immediately rly turned off by it but it’s like. ok. if I can overlook the stupid “please kill me” bullseye on justins chest I can overlook this. but he’s jst. so. so. LOUD. he won’t stop moaning like some girl in a porno. and dirty talk. so much. i HATE that shit so much it’s so stupid. like SHUT UP. i wanted to get a scarf out of my closet and gag him not even bc I was trying to be kinky or whatever like I jst wanted the fucking NOISE to end

he won’t stop yanking at my hair which i also hate. and he’s saying weird shit abt how he wants me to dominate him (literally went into my nightstand, took out my vibrator and told me to use it on him and I was like BITCH NO THIS IS SO WEIRD) and jst. I’m in this situation and actively hating every minute of this but I feel like it’s gone too far for me to back out.

but this jst keeps going. for literal hours and I’m so fucking tired at this point but he’s jst. not finishing or anything. i dnt even know how. so I’m basically jst going along w it waiting for it to fucking end and in the middle of this shitshow he blurts out “i love you” which was such a... bad moment for obvious rzns but that’s the only time someone has ever said that to me out loud. and I was like “shhh dnt say that” and he repeated it and jst kept repeating it throughout the hellish course of the night. and I’m jst sitting here wondering how this went from amazing date to the honest to god worst mistake of my life. thinking abt why I’m so concerned w being nice to this guy and not hurting his feelings when I’m jst in literal hell

it’s finally fucking over and I fall asleep. my alarm wakes me up at 7:30 bc I have to work but he’s not in my bed anymore and I hear someone fussing in the kitchen & what I think is a cork popping but I dnt rly know. and he comes back into my room and says that he went to do me a favor and cleaned my kitchen up a little. but the place is messier than it was last night which is?¿

at this point evan comes out of his bedroom and complains to us abt the horrible day he had at work and Andrew says to him “you sound like you could use a drink!” But ev recoils bc it’s so early and he asks Andrew if he’s drunk & leaves to run errands. his reaction was a nervous “no” but he mixes something anyway and he’s like “this is for you babe” and it’s like. disgusting. it’s gin, razzmatazz, triple sec, rumchata, and coconut water. stronger than rocket fuel and not at all pleasant tasting. I reject the nasty cocktail and he slams it down. I tell him I have to work and he needs to leave. But he’s like “I wanna keep hanging out!” And he will jst. Not leave.

he makes another drink for himself and I see the gin is empty which is weird bc it was half full? and then it clicked that he was probably in my kitchen drinking all my gin while I was asleep. and it’s Hendricks. It’s expensive as hell and it’s also almost 90 proof. so he’s wasted to the point of delirium and I have to call into work to babysit him until he’s sober enough to go home

so I’m waiting for him to sober up and he keeps trying to initiate more sex and I keep rebuffing it and he takes his pants off anyway and jst. passes out w his entire naked ass out on the couch

so im jst sitting there for a little while questioning my life choices when ev comes back around 2:45 and is like. what in the fuck is going on and I tell him that Andrew decided to get morning drunk and things got weird. and he’s like “there is a half naked man on the couch and I’m going to do something abt it if you’re not” so ev yells “are your pants off?” and wakes him up and i tell him that I need to start my day and it’s probably time for him to go. he refuses, say he wants to hand out more. evan gets our swifter out of the closet and starts jabbing him w it, saying “GET OUT” so he finally does

he came over at 5. he left at 3 the nxt afternoon. he left his underwear on my coffee table and his flannel in my room (which I am stealing, not the underwear tho) and the second he left ev sprayed our couch down w Lysol and was jst losing his shit laughing at me

but all and all. turns out you can have a tinder horror story without tinder as well! who’d have known!

[celiacandsalty]

Kal Penn’s Nuts

Warning: the following blog includes strong language, references to gluten, and excessive whining.

When my brother Jeff got diagnosed with Celiac disease in 2014 (at age 34) I distinctly remember my first thought being something along the lines of, “oh god, that poor bastard.” Not only because many most of the best foods contain gluten, but because I was already imagining the inevitable day when he goes to some business dinner or something and the server mistakes him for one of THOSE people. You know, the people we all roll our eyes at because they claim to have a gluten “sensitivity” or “intolerance,” but we suspect they’re full of shit and make a mental note to mock them at a later date. It’s hard to say why I cared so much about what hypothetical Cheesecake Factory employees in Ohio might think about my brother’s diet but I DID.

(I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but on TV shows now if they want to quickly convey that a character is an annoying douchebag, usually all they have to do is throw in a line where that person orders a gluten free whatever and a vegan something or other. It’s been a “joke” (for lack of a better word) for at least a decade now and for some reason shows no signs of stopping, despite the fact that it is completely unoriginal, unfunny, and hacky. What I’m saying is, gluten free is the new Nickleback.)

Okay, now cut to 2018 when I, following in my brother’s stupid footsteps, also get diagnosed with Celiac disease1 and all those pitying thoughts I never would have verbalized to my poor bastard brother come flooding back, only now they apply to me too and I can hear them all because they’re in my head. I did not take the news well.

Now, it almost goes without saying that it is easier now than ever before to find decent gluten-free food, especially in Portland, Oregon (where I fortunately already happened to live), but I gotta say, it’s a colossal pain in the ass and it still sucks. It sucks that I have to spend so much of my free-time moonlighting as a gluten detective, looking at menus for places I might possibly be invited to eat at someday and reading every word on every food label and trying to get to the bottom of whether miso paste or Werther’s Originals are safe for me to eat.2 It sucks that I don’t even really WANT to go out to eat much anymore because it’s such a stressful experience that I barely enjoy it anways. It sucks that I once enjoyed traveling and now I’ve pretty much written off at least a couple of entire continents (and they were good ones too.) It sucks that I have frequent anxiety dreams about accidentally poisoning myself. It sucks that I only just discovered Shake Shack 6 months before getting diagnosed and now I’ll never again know the joy of a squishy hamburger bun. It sucks that I no longer get to be the easygoing person in a group or at the office who, when asked about dietary restrictions, could proudly say “Nope! I’m fine with whatever (aka I am a very cool and chill person).” I could go on and on, but I’d have to say the thing that actually sucks the most is the whole gluten-as-a-punchline thing because for me it is so terribly unfunny.

A couple of months ago3 I was at the gym, listening to one of my podcasts in which the guests, usually comedians, get a chance to rant for a few minutes on any topic of their choosing. That week, Kal Penn (of Harold & Kumar fame4) was one of the guests and he made the bold choice to rant about GLUTEN. My blood went straight to a solid simmer before he said another word. I considered shutting it off, but I thought to myself, “Easy does it, Jeanne! Maybe it’s not going to be what you think it is.”

Narrator: It was.

Kal Penn went on to say that as a person living with a severe allergy to tree nuts, it makes him very angry that people who claim to have GLUTEN allergies or intolerances are diluting the seriousness of his legitimate food allergy. The main takeaway being that GLUTEN allergies are FAKE and a FAD and they’re a PREFERENCE, unlike Kal Penn’s very real allergy to nuts.

Of course, Kal Penn included the caveat that there is a VERY small percentage of people for whom gluten issues are real, but I feel like that finer point may have been lost in the message of screaming FAKE FAKE FAKE for 3 minutes.5

The annoying thing though, is that Kal Penn is right. It IS a fad. (Especially in LA.) And I HATE that it is. One particularly annoying thing about this is that restaurants are catching on and more and more GF items items are popping up on menus everywhere. Unfortunately, they are often actually GF, unless you have Celiac disease, which makes my gluten detective job much harder.6

Now I don’t doubt that living with a nut allergy is hard. And I imagine that Kal Penn and I actually have a lot in common when it comes to anxieties and frustrations around food and eating out. I know that I shouldn’t say that I’m jealous of Kal Penn and his nut allergy, but in a way I am. Yes, I’m sure it is terrifying to go into anaphylactic shock and have to be rushed to the hospital, but on the bright side, at least people don’t think you’re a douchebag liar!

Speaking of being rushed to the hospital, here’s the funny story about how I found out that I can’t eat gluten. A little over a year ago, I ended up in the emergency room after dramatically collapsing in my apartment and completely losing all feeling in the entire left side of my body. After getting an MRI (and some other very expensive tests), I was informed that there were several areas of stroke in my 34-year-old brain.7

I spent 3 days in the neurology unit with puzzled doctors coming in every hour to scratch their heads and look at me with great concern. I didn’t find out for another full week that all of this was a result of undiagnosed Celiac disease. Apparently though I was asymptomatic in terms of gastrointestinal issues (very common in adults), I had become so severely anemic8 that I literally almost died. Malnutrition and malabsorption are common symptoms of Celiac, and at this point my hemoglobin was so critically low that I required a blood transfusion and 2 IV iron infusions.

Ok, so cool story, I know, but is stroke and near-death a common effect of eating gluten? Nope! I don’t think so!

So what’s my point? Fuck, I don’t even remember now. But I guess what I’m saying is...we all know the people Kal Penn is talking about. And I spend way too much of my mental energy worrying that when I tell someone I can’t have gluten9, they might, for example, still serve me a salad that they accidentally put the croutons on and then tried to pick them off but missed a few because they probably assume I’m just another asshole doing the Whole 30.10  

So, Kal Penn, believe me when I say that I am with you on the issue of THOSE people. But continuing to rail against them and their possibly exaggerated gluten sensitivities does nothing to stop them. (I suspect it might even make them stronger and more annoying.) It does however, continue to reinforce the already widespread belief that gluten is a made-up problem invented in the 2000s, by I don’t know, naturopaths and George Soros probably? And it’s this belief that is actually very dangerous to people like myself and my brother and the millions of other poor bastards with REAL incurable conditions, and, for what it’s worth, one that seems unlikely to change the way we treat someone with a nut allergy. And, last but not least, it is also a belief that occasionally ruins my workout/enjoyment of podcasts.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent.

Oh, but sorry about your nuts, Kal Penn.

----

Cool family, right?? (Also my maternal grandmother had it too and was diagnosed in the 1980s.)

Still unclear

I meant to write this sooner. Fortunately, my New Year’s Resolution was to hold on longer to more grudges.

Among other things, like Obama’s White House?

I was also going to go back and listen to the podcast again to more accurately transcribe his rant, but just thinking about it made my heart hurt. If you want to hear for yourself, it was the November 9, 2019 episode of Lovett Or Leave It.)

Plus the pay sucks.

I think it could still pass for 28.

My blood’s solution to this problem was to produce WAY too many platelets, which I didn’t know and perhaps my blood didn’t know, are what make blood clot.

“Just tell them you have CELIAC.” Well guess what–some of THOSE people are co-opting our magic word too now!

Sorry if you’re doing the Whole 30 and not an asshole.

[feycreature]

All Of Them (multiples of 3 work tho dhdhgfj)

@furrybarista asked for a few as well but here we are

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

last person i dmed? yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

every day

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

nope

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

not really

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

ive hung out with One person recently

6. What are you excited for?

dnd in about 2 hours!

7. What happened tonight?

well tonight im playing dnd, last night i finished watching dread?

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

i think its uncomfortable to be around anyone whos really wasted, idk about disgusting

9. Is confidence cute?

yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

i currently have a strawberry smoothie from pulp

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

thats a difficult question to answer when i and almost all of my friends are trans and thats confusingly worded in this context

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

yes

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

either play video games or dnd, probably

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

probably starbucks

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

nope

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

absolutely

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

probably dante or luca

18. The last time you felt broken?

i prefer not to think about that because its very often

19. Have you had sex today?

no

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

not that i can think of rn

21. Are you in a good mood?

yeah!

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

yes!

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

probably? idk i try to avoid eye contact with him

24. What do you want right this second?

to kiss my boyfriend

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

well, given that i know You, dante, you wouldnt just go and kiss someone else without talking to me about it, and assuming a conversation about that happened, i would be supportive of that endeavor

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

sort of? its still brown on the sides but i dyed it red a couple months ago so its pink on top

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

probably not

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANNA HUG AND NEVER LET GO SO IM JUST GONNA MAKE A KATAMARI OF LOVE

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

ALL MY FRIENDS

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

depends what they did and how they feel about it

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

THE LAST BOY I WAS TALKING TO WAS U DANTE

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

I SURE HOPE U DO

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

i Rarely drink soda

34. Listening to?

in one ear by cage the elephant

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

yep!

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

not specifically

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

nope

38. Who did you last call?

my mom probably

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

uhhh i think booker in 8th grade. i dont dance

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

because we were dating and we wanted to

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

last night

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

nope

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

i embarrass myself in front of everyone, all the time

44. Do you tan in the nude?

i have a goddamn farmer’s tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

nope!

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?

also my mom, probably

48. Do you sing in the shower?

yes

49. Do you dance in the car?

yeah,

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

i have an archery range in my basement

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

school photos last year

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

YES AND I LOVE THEM

53. Is Christmas stressful?

yes but purely bc of family interaction

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

all the time??

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

uhh i wanted to be an astronaut for a while

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

who doesnt

59. Take a vitamin daily?

nope

60. Wear slippers?

nah

61. Wear a bath robe?

i own one, dont wear it often

62. What do you wear to bed?

t shirt and pjam pants

63. First concert?

owl city

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

walmart i guess?

65. Nike or Adidas?

i own a pair of adidas shoes thats abt it66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

sunflower seeds

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

no.

69. Ever take dance lessons?

nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

i forget the exact words but the cool nerd stuff u do,

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

never been in one

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

all the time

74. What is your favorite book?

lame but the great gatsby

75. Do you study better with or without music?

i dont study well, period

76. Regularly burn incense?

hate it

77. Ever been in love?

i am right now!

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

other than the artists ive already seen in concert: icon for hire, walk the moon, bastille, cage the elephant, and steam powered giraffe

79. What was the last concert you saw?

fall out boy! the mania tour! apparently cleveland was the start of the tour so i was in the first group of people to ever hear expensive mistakes!

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

iced

81. Tea or coffee?

tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?

uhhh the really good sugar cookies i learned to make off tumblr

83. Can you swim well?

id like to think so

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

didnt know there were people who cant

85. Are you patient?

on a good day

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

dj

87. Ever won a contest?

yeah

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

nope

89. Which are better black or green olives?

depends in what

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

go for it

91. Best room for a fireplace?

living room

92. Do you want to get married

probably 

[creative-type]

Monster of the Salt Rock Hills IV

First

Previous

AN: There’s some fairly minor speculation on Thistle’s past here that may be jossed in the future. Also, apparently paper bags were invented in the 1850s, which fits in the vaguely Victorian aesthetic in the comic. Lastly, it’s probably going to be a week or more before my next update. I’ll try my best for a quick turnaround 

AO3

Summary:  The day after stopping a drath summoning gone horribly wrong, Orrig and his team are summoned to the Salt Rock Hills to find and eliminate a monster that has been ravaging the countryside. But things quickly go awry and it soon becomes apparent that nothing about this case is as it seems. Thistle must learn to work together with her new coworkers and overcome her own insecurities to find the truth of the monster of the Salt Rock Hills before it’s too late. Set immediately after Chapter 6: The Knowing Ones

Chapter Four: Lost Causes (and the Fighters Who Champion Them)

It was a quiet walk back to town. Both Brent and Lyra tried to explain what had happened, but Orrig silenced them both with a grunt. Thistle thought she understood his reasoning: They had already embarrassed themselves in front of a fellow guild member, a citizen of the Salt Rock Hills, and the one surviving member of Marco Russo’s team. It was an enormous loss of face, and Orrig’s reputation would suffer if their gaff were ever made public.

Thistle couldn’t help but think it was somehow her fault. She should have noticed the magic in Rhys’s bracers sooner, or gotten Lyra to calm down faster, or done something to prevent the situation from getting so out of hand. They had gone out to the scene of the attack representing Orrig and failed – she had failed, and Orrig would have no choice but to punish her for her mistake.

—i don’t know what you expected. good for nothing, insolent brat, i’ve told you that time and time again. maybe orrig should fire you—

The voice, always so close, was relentless in its attack. The scene replayed in Thistle’s mind dozens of times, hammering home each and every one of her inadequacies until they were all she could remember. She’d let Lyra be humiliated and once again failed to protect Brent from harm. A fugitive glance revealed that the bump on his head was now the size of a goose egg. She hadn’t even had time to rule out a concussion.

Dread and shame made Thistle’s belly twist into knots. She wanted to apologize to the others so badly it hurt, but with Orrig’s embargo on conversation she didn’t dare. The burden of her guilt felt heavier with each step, and by the time they reached town Thistle was almost drowning under the weight of it.

“Ve go to bar,” Orrig said.

“I don’t suppose I’ll be allowed to drink?” Lyra said sarcastically.

Orrig grunted. “Ve not on job now.”

The concession caught Thistle by surprise, and when Lyra almost tripped over her own feet she guessed that she wasn’t the only one. Surely Orrig wasn’t going to pretend that their disgraceful behavior hadn’t happened? Or maybe he was trying to soften the blow of their punishment, whatever that may be?

For the first time Thistle wished that her employer’s thoughts weren’t so difficult to discern. There was a certain amount of comfort in the knowledge that Orrig was level-headed and almost supernaturally stoic no matter the situation. He was the anchor to Lyra and Brent’s raging storm of emotions – unmovable, dependable, and unfortunately unreadable beneath unsounded depths that Thistle had not yet learned to navigate.

He led them down the street Carson had pointed out earlier. Orrig had to duck his head to fit through the entranceway of the tavern, and none of the seats had been built with an orc’s girth in mind. It was too early in the day for most business, there was someone manning the bar nonetheless.

The man eyed the mercenaries suspiciously as they took their seats. “Are yeh buyin’? I ain’t got time for loiterers.”

“A pint of whatever you’ve got that’s good,” Lyra said.

“Same for me,” Brent added.

Thistle looked fretfully from the hematoma on Brent’s forehead to his vacant gaze. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Pfft, I take harder hits than that all the time,” Brent said. “I’ve got a thick skull.”

“Isn’t that the truth,” Lyra said under her breath.

Brent shot her a glare, but didn’t say anything. Thistle screwed up her courage to speak up again, “I, um, I’d like to take a look anyway. I might be able to get rid of the swelling. That is, if you don’t mind…”

“You can heal?” Brent asked.

Heat flooded Thistle’s cheeks, and she managed to nod. “A little.”

“Huh, I didn’t know that. Well, if it makes you feel better, I don’t care.”

It was embarrassing how relieved Thistle was not to be brushed off or be dismissed as needlessly worried. She could feel Lyra and Orrig watch her as she put Brent through a basic concussion protocol – which despite a little wooziness he passed with flying colors. It was only after she made him follow her finger with his eyes, tell her his birthday, and test his hand grasps that Thistle called on her magic.

The hematoma, though unsightly, was not dangerous. With so many blood vessels in the scalp even a minor trauma could turn into a large bump – and running face first into Rhys’s force field was not minor trauma.

Thistle frowned to herself. Even removing the fact that Brent could have been seriously hurt in the explosion, Rhys should have realized he was risking the integrity of the scene by activating his bracers. Thistle was troubled that the elf would escalate the conflict like that. It wasn’t as if Brent had been charging him. He hadn’t even been holding his sword at the time.

“It’s cold,” Brent said when Thistle touched his forehead.

“If it’s uncomfortable I can stop.”

“No, it feels good. Like when you pop a really big zit and all that pressure’s gone.”

Thistle had to choke back a giggle, almost causing her spell to fail. Their drinks had been brought over sometime during Thistle’s assessment, and Lyra made no effort to hide her disgust as she took a long draught.

The spell was a simple one. Thistle had learned it out of necessity the first time she’d been chased by angry villagers armed with stones, and in seconds the bump was gone. She couldn’t help but be pleased with her handiwork. “Alright, one last check to make sure everything’s okay…”

Thistle placed a hand on Brent’s temple. The ethereal blue of her magic brushed against his skin, and even wearing gloves Thistle was acutely aware of the intimacy the gesture implied. His eyes fluttered closed, and the hair near her hand stood straight up, innerved by an unseen energy that seemed to Thistle both unknowable and unquestionably right.

“What in the world…?” Thistle said as her magic brushed against something that felt alien to her senses.

“What is it?” Brent asked. “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Thistle said. “It’s just…I can’t believe it. That mage put a bug on you!”

Once, when Thistle had been very young, she’d heard of a mage being tried in the realm’s highest court for casting a spell on a boy that made him forget the death of his mother. The newspapers caught wind of the case, and it became so infamous throughout the country that it was rumored a Wizard had been called into help with the proceedings. At the time she hadn’t understood what the mage had done wrong – Wouldn’t the boy be happier without such a painful memory weighing on his heart and soul? Hadn’t the mage cast his spell in good faith? Why were they being treated like a criminal when the end result was a blessing and a mercy?

It was on that day that Thistle learned that there were lines that magic should never, ever cross. Years of hard experience only reinforced the dangers even the most well-intentioned magic had on the mind.  

The spell Mum had cast on Brent wasn’t quite to that level, but it was close. It was subtle and insidious, as finely woven as a gossamer thread. Thistle never would have noticed it under normal circumstances, and the part of her that wasn’t indignant was amazed at the intricacy of the spell.

“What?!” Brent exclaimed. “What he’d do to me?”

“It’s an altered communication spell used to spy on people…a metaphorical fly on a wall. They can hear everything we’re saying,” Thistle clarified when his face screwed in confusion. She scooped the delicate matrix of spellwork into hands that glowed blue. It reacted to her magic, shimmering with golden light. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself!”

This last exclamation was addressed to whoever was listening on the other end of the spell. Disgusted at the mage’s lack of ethics, she forced her hands together the same way she would shut a badly-written book. The spell shattered, and an unpleasant jolt of energy shot up her arms.

“Are you sure it wasn’t Rhys?” Lyra said darkly. “It seems like something that’d be right up his alley.”

Thistle shook her head. The bug had the same fingerprints the Teleportation spell, and that had undoubtedly been cast by Mum. And while she couldn’t rule it out entirely, Thistle was almost sure that Rhys had no magical talent. Why else would he have expensive enchanted bracers?

“When’d he *#$@!$ cast?” Brent asked. “He never moved!”

“You have to be close for something this fragile,” Thistle said. “It must have been right before Rhys, er…”

“Knocked you on your @$$,” Lyra finished for her, seething. She slammed her drink down, and seemed on the brink of another tirade when Orrig raised his hand.

“Stop. I vill send complaint to guild. They vill take care of mage. Dis not our job”

This reassurance did nothing to assuage Lyra’s temper. “And that’s another thing! What the $&#@ do you mean, this isn’t our job? We were asked for specifically! You said so!”

Orrig sighed, and reached into his bag to pull out the requisition form. He pointed a thick finger to a number printed at the top, one that Thistle had failed to notice when she read the listing for the first time.

“What’s your license number got to do with this?” Brent demanded.

“Vas copy error. My number similar to elf’s, vas sent to wrong place.”

“So we’re just gonna leave?” Brent said. “We came out all this way for nothing?”

Orrig nodded. “Vas mistake, ve technically not hired. Against guild rules to interfere.”

“Goddamn it. I’m going to need another drink,” Lyra said. “And if I see that pretty-boy’s face again I’m going to break his nose.”

There was a hearty hear-hear from Brent, and the group settled into an unhappy silence that was only broken when Lyra called for another pint. The bartender – who Thistle belated realized must be Carson’s father – sauntered over to them. He was a portly man with a receding hairline and a scruffy brown beard. While he had not been blessed with his son’s height, Thistle could see the familial similarity in the shape of his nose and the line of his jaw.

“Coin first,” the bartender said. “A silver, if it pleases the lady, ‘n I’ll get yer beer.”

“A silver? For a pint? That’s highway robbery!” Lyra exclaimed.

“An’ I’ve got a business t’ maintain,” the bartender said flatly. “Not that an outsider’d understand, runnin’ around chasin’ phantoms. Between you lot an’ the cripple, you’ve done nuthin’ but fill my son’s head with crazy-talk and waste my hard-earned money huntin’ a monster that don’t even exist. I got every right to throw you out on th’ street. A silver or nothing.”

A muscle in Lyra’s jaw twitched. She shoved a hand into her money pouch and pulled out the coin. Carson’s father snatched it greedily out of her grasp before handing over a fresh drink.

It was only then that Lyra snapped. She rose to her feet, and in one fluid motion she flung the contents of her mug onto the bartender’s face before slamming it back on the table. Before anyone could react she shoved away from the group and stomped out the door.

“I’m going for a walk.”

Thistle was frozen in place, torn between horror at what Lyra had done and pity for the events that had driven her to that point. Carson’s father sputtered with outrage, beer dripping down his face and staining his shirt.

At this rate they were going to get chased out of town. Thistle brushed her hand across the bartender’s shirt, a small surge of magic drying the fabric instantly. She left the stain untouched – he had basically goaded Lyra into retaliating by massively upping the price after she’d already drunk one pint, and was lucky she hadn’t thrown him through a table.

Orrig, Brent, and Thistle made a hasty exit after that. Further down the road Lyra was turning a corner and disappearing out of sight.

“Should we go after her?” Thistle asked anxiously.

“Good luck with that,” Brent said.

“I think it best if ve leave,” Orrig said. Thistle thought that he looked troubled. “Lyra need space. I vill try to find vay to Crossroads today.”

“We can’t just do nothing,” Thistle said.

“Hmm. You and Brent go find vhile I get vay home. Vill leave as soon as possible. Is better that way.”

“She could be anywhere by now,” Brent said. “We should split up to cover more ground.”

Bad things seemed to happen when they split up, but Thistle nodded anyway. She and Brent started in the general direction Lyra had disappeared to, and with a final grunt Orrig ducked back into the bar. At first Thistle wondered if he might have gone to issue an apology, but for some reason she was reminded of their interaction with Grand Master Wu. Orrig had only intervened when Lyra stooped to crude insults and had never once asked Lyra to apologize for shouting curses at a Wizard capable of turning into a dragon. It seemed like he let his employees speak their mind, up until a certain point.

Thistle wasn’t sure if Orrig’s leniency was always a good thing, but right now she was grateful for it. She could imagine all too well what Lyra was feeling right now, after being insulted and humiliated by Rhys and then being discriminated against by a bartender they didn’t even know.

“So, do you want to go left or right?” Brent asked, drawing Thistle from her thoughts.

“Do you have any idea where she might have gone?” Thistle said.

He sighed. “Not really. I mean, usually I’d say check out the taverns or the bars. I know a couple of her haunts back in the city, but out here? Who knows.”

Thistle thought for a moment, hesitating. “Brent, do you know what that ouvrière means?”

“It’s Elvish,” Brent said. “I think it’s a rude thing to say to a girl who wears pants and works? You hear it from the more stuck-up city elves every once in a while. Usually Lyra brushes stuff like that off, no problem. I think the @$$&^* just caught her by surprise.” He rubbed his neck. “Anyway, we should get looking. I’ll go left you go right?”

“Sure.”

Thistle walked slowly, trying to process everything that had happened. Off of the high streets the buildings grew even more decapitated, many with sagging roofs or stucco walls covered with mold and dirt. She had traveled enough to know the difference between a small town that was thriving and one that was not, and the Salt Rock Hills had the feel of a town taking its final, tortured gasps. There seemed to be little diversity among what was left of the population, and each person who stopped to stare at Thistle was human.

Struck with inspiration, Thistle gathered every scrap of her fraying courage. Scanning the street she found an old man sitting in front of a butcher shop who looked neither suspicious nor afraid of her. Thistle clung to the strap of her bag to keep from fidgeting and approached him carefully.

“Excuse me, have you seen an elf come this way?”

“Sure did.” He smiled at her, exposing a set of false teeth that appeared to be made out of wood. “Tooted up the street not too long ago spoutin’ all sorts of wickedness that ought not be repeated in mixed company. She a friend of yours, stranger?”

“Um, yes.” I think. “My name is Thistle, and we came up to figure out what was attacking the winged horses, only there was a mistake and the job went to someone else.”

The man nodded sagely. “I see. Well, it ain’t ev’ry day we get so much excitement ‘round these parts. I think I’ll treasure the look of Minnie Baker’s face when she heard yer elf friend for the rest of my days.” He stuck out a hand. “Name’s Frank. I used to be the butcher, but I can’t do much cuttin’ these days.”

Thistle clasped fingers gnarled with arthritis. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Frank chuckled. “Trust me, stranger, the pleasure’s all mine. Can’t say enough how much I ‘preciate you all comin’ out here to catch the monster in th’ Hills, even if it ain’t yer job. Are you gonna stay for a bit? Maybe the other mercs will let you join th’ hunt.”

“My boss is actually trying to find a way to Crossroads today.”

Disappointment flickered in his eyes. “Ah, well, don’t know what I was expectin’. Not enough money for two teams, I suppose. Tell yer boss to talk to Jacob. He’s th’ owner of the tavern down yonder an’ oversees the stables here in town. It might cost a pretty penny, but it’s the best way if yer lookin’ t’ leave on short notice.”

“Oh.” Thistle’s stomach sank. “I think we might have met.”

Frank’s wizened face twisted into a grimace. “Shoot. I don’t suppose he made a right fool outta himself? Was he the one who sent your elf friend in a tizzy, spoutin’ his usual garbage?”

Thistle didn’t answer, but her lack of response was enough. Frank spat in disgust and rose unsteadily to his feet. “Go find your friend, stranger. I’ll see if I can talk Jacob into seeing sense. Th’ monster is real, and something’s gotta be done afore someone else gets hurt.”

“I don’t want to cause any trouble,” Thistle said.

“Ha! You’ve done nothin’ but entertain these old bones through another day of drudgery. ‘Sides, Jake’s got the only rooms in town to let. If you can’t get him t’ help you leave, then yer gonna have t’ spend the night.”

Frank tipped an imaginary hat and set off from the shop in a slow, shuffling gait, his shoulders stooped with the weight of age. It didn’t seem right for him to get involved with the dispute, but Thistle got the impression there was nothing she could say to stop him.

He didn’t make it more than a few steps when someone called his name. Both Frank and Thistle turned to see where the voice had come from. A woman waved at him from across the street before jogging over. She wore a long white coat over a simple plaid shirt and held a heavy back bag in one hand.

“Hullo, Doctor,” Frank said respectfully. “To what do I owe the pleasure? I was just gonna go give Jacob a piece of my mind.”

The woman brushed away a strand of curly brown hair that had fallen out of her plait and smiled enormously. “Whatever keeps you young,” she said blithely. “I was just wondering if you’ve seen Isla come this way. I was expecting her in the surgery over an hour ago.”

Was it Thistle’s imagination, or did his expression darken? “Can’t say I have, Doctor.”

The doctor’s face fell. Thistle took a half-step forward. “Excuse me, but do you mean Isla Clark? I saw her earlier today with the mercenaries investigating the winged horses.”

“By the spring?” the doctor asked, almost disbelieving. When Thistle nodded, she threw her arm up in the air in exasperation. “Did she walk all that way? No, don’t answer that. Of course she did, despite my explicit warning against pushing herself too far.”

The doctor took a deep breath and let it out slowly through her nose. “Well, that settles that. Frank, why don’t you tell me who your new friend is?”

“Her name’s Thistle, and she’s just passin’ through. ‘Parantly there was some mix up with the mercs an’ her group is lookin’ to get outta town afore dark,” Frank said. “Thistle, this here is Doctor Maureen Malady. You won’t find a better sawbones anywhere in the world.”

“I don’t know about that,” Doctor Malady said, the lines framing her eyes and mouth crinkling with suppressed mirth. Hers was a face made for smiling, and there was something about her demeanor that put Thistle instantly at ease. She adjusted wire-framed spectacles before extending a hand. “I’m sorry your stay at the Hills will be cut short.”

“Actually,” Frank said while Thistle shook the doctor’s hand, “she were just lookin’ for an elf that was travelin’ with her. I expect she wants to get back to searchin’.”

“I see,” Doctor Malady said. “I’d check the general store just over yonder.”

Thistle perked up at this. “Really?”

She nodded. “Ooohh yes. There aren’t many elves that come this way. Is yours rude and too pretty for their own good?”

“Uh…”

“The general store,” Doctor Malady said with a sympathetic smile. “It’s just up the way, you can’t miss it.”

Thistle reluctantly turned in the direction she indicated. It seemed wrong to let the slight on Lyra’s character to go unchallenged, but she’d wasted too much time here already. She waved goodbye and jogged up the street, and before long came to her destination. Everything from spools of ribbon, penny candy, canned goods, and cigars decorated the storefront window, while a pair of tethered horses (of the mundane variety) pawed impatiently at the ground.

It seemed like an odd destination for Lyra, but Thistle braced herself nonetheless. It was entirely possible that Orrig had already found a way back to the city and was waiting for them to rejoin him so they could leave this place behind. Cheered by this thought, Thistle strode boldly – or as boldly as she could manage – into the store.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t got any crates. Need to go to the lumberyard for that,” the man at the register said irritably. The bell over the door alerted him to Thistle’s presence. “Can I help…you?”

He stared dumbfounded at Thistle, but for once she didn’t notice. She stopped dead in her tracks as Rhys Taliesen leaned back from the counter, an eyebrow raised.

“I didn’t expect to meet you here,” he said mildly.

“I, er, neither did I,” Thistle said.

Shouldn’t he be at the springs investigating the dead horse? How had he made it back to town so quickly, and where were Mum and Rizaek? Her thoughts shifted to Isla Clark, who by Dr. Malady’s reaction shouldn’t be making the long walk from the springs to town at all. Had he left her behind? Thistle drew her hands to her chest and took a tentative step backwards.

“Please don’t go,” Rhys said. “I would like to speak with you.”

“You would?”

“Yes,” he said with almost boyish earnestness. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name before. Mum said you found his spell. No one has ever done that before.”

“You knew he put the bug on Brent?” Thistle asked. “Why didn’t you stop him?”

His eyes flickered to the storekeeper. “Why don’t we take this conversation elsewhere? There are matters that I would like to discuss with you privately.”

For a moment Thistle was frozen. Rhys’s presence alone was enough to disarm her, and now he was sounding polite and reasonable? Was this the same person who had attacked Brent without provocation and insulted Lyra because she wasn’t wearing a skirt? Thistle’s clothes were baggy, but there was no mistaking that she was also a girl who, as Brent said, wore pants and worked.

A spark of anger thawed her indecision. Thistle barely knew Orrig, Brent, and Lyra, but they had been nothing but kind to her during that short period of time. Lyra especially had apologized for her part in their disastrous first meeting, and then put up with all Thistle’s weird awkwardness while traveling to the Salt Rock Hills.

Thistle crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, but no. That spell Mum put on Brent was unethical – if not illegal.”

Irritation flashed across his brilliant green eyes. They were the color of bottled glass…or poison. “Look, I didn’t realize that Mum had cast the spell any more than you did, and I certainly didn’t tell him to do it. You were there. Did you see me do anything untoward?”

Yes, Thistle thought stubbornly. “When did you find out?”

“When you broke it.” A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I’ve never seen Mum jump so high. He’s a talented mage, you know.”

Thistle’s heart beat faster as Rhys took a small step forward, but somehow she managed to stand her ground. Her pleading look to the storekeeper was useless. He was too busy pretending she and Rhys didn’t exist to interfere.

“I’m surprised you associate with that lot,” Rhys continued, a note of reproach in his tone. “I made inquiries when I learned of the clerical error for this job. Orrig seems like a decent enough fellow – he’s had a solid career and maintains an excellent reputation – but there’s no denying he’s a little long in the tooth, if you pardon my phrasing. The mercenary guild is no place for old men.”

“Excuse me?” Thistle said.

“It’s obvious that he’s already lost control of his subcontractors, yourself excluded.” Another step forward, this time blocking the view of the shopkeeper entirely. Sometime during the exchange Thistle had backed herself into a corner, and Rhys had her completely boxed in as he continued, “And even if he hadn’t, the orc will be retiring within the next season or two. When he does you’ll be out of luck.”

“Excuse me?”

“A mage of your skill shouldn’t be wasting their time in a position that soon won’t even exist. And even if the orc doesn’t hang up his axe this time next year, do you honestly believe you’ll get anywhere with his crew of miscreants?

“What are you getting at?” Thistle asked quietly. She thought she knew where this was going, but a part of her couldn’t believe what she was hearing and wanted Rhys to say it for himself.

“I appreciate talent,” Rhys said. His voice was low, intense, persuasive. “I saw it in Mum when no one would hire a mute and he was on the street peddling for coin. I saw it in Rizaek when he was mucking stalls for a pittance. And I see it in you.”

“I couldn’t possibly…I mean, I work for Orrig. He’s the one who hired me,” Thistle said.

Rhys nodded. “Loyalty is an admirable trait, but it will only get you so far in this line of work. I don’t need an answer now,” he said as Thistle stiffened, mistaking her indignation for something else, “just promise you’ll think it over. I’ll be staying at the tavern owned by Jacob Swinehart if you change your mind.”

There were a great many things Thistle wanted to say, first and foremost being that Rhys had to be out of his mind to think she would want to work for him, but it was as if the surreal nature of the conversation had jammed the gears of her mind to a grinding halt. He left the store a moment later, leaving Thistle gaping after him like a fish out of water.

Is yours rude and too pretty for their own good?

The fact that she had mistaken Lyra for Rhys would have been funny if she weren’t so mortified. What would Orrig say when he found out rival mercenaries were giving out job offers? What would Brent say if he found out she had let Mum’s disgusting invasion of his personal privacy go unchallenged?

“Er, ma’am, are you alright?”

“What?” Thistle said, jumping at the unexpected voice of the shopkeeper. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I…I was just leaving.”

The shopkeeper gave a wary appraisal of Thistle’s unusual appearance. “Alrighty then. Have a good day.”

“You too.” Her voice sounded distant, as if someone other than herself were saying the words. Thistle left the general store, forcing a façade of normalcy over her growing anxiety. Too much, this was all too much. First the dead horse, then the debacle with Rhys and Jacob, and now this? Thistle wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

always were weak-willed. never had the stomach to speak up…you ought to be ashamed of yourself

She didn’t need the voice to tell her that. Shame came as easily to Thistle as breathing. Once again she hadn’t been able to speak up against Rhys’s vicious slander. Thistle couldn’t believe he had gone so far as to attack Orrig, who seemed to her the epitome of professional competence.

but what if it’s true? what will you do if orrig retires? you have no references, and no one would speak for someone so ungrateful. where will you go when they finally see you for what you really are?

mercenaries hunt monsters. your hood is the only thing separating you from whatever is killing the winged horses. once they see that for themselves, they’ll hunt you too.

Thistle felt ill as she wandered through town. The faces seemed less friendly, the air colder. She could see town people’s suspicion, imagined she could hear their thoughts as they moved out of their way to avoid her. The anxiety was giving way to panic. Even if Thistle knew where Lyra was, she didn’t think she could manage a conversation. Instinctually her feet led away from town – away from the wary strangers and their unforgiving eyes.

The only good thing about the Salt Rock Hills was that it was tiny. It didn’t take Thistle long to reach the outskirts of town following the road that she guessed led to the abandoned mines. She remembered Mayor Stone saying Carson was the only one who went to the Hills voluntarily, and he was probably back in his father’s tavern by now preparing for the evening rush.  

Thistle was alone.

Taking a cleansing breath, she found a bit of broken down fence that had once marked the boundary of a large pasture. The pasture was long-since abandoned, overgrown with knee-high grass, half a dozen different wildflowers, and countless weeds. There was bishop’s lace, ragweed, yarrow…and thistles.

Her heart was heavy as she cupped her most recent namesake with her hand. There were no blooms, but a small spark of magic changed that. The thistle’s flower unfurled, purple and perfect and beautiful.

“What am I doing here?” Thistle asked herself. She pulled away from the plant and sat on the fence, staring out at everything and nothing. As before, there was no answer.

She sat until the knot that had been growing somewhere under her breastbone loosened, and long enough for her to wonder if Brent had had any more luck with their mission. Dwelling on her most recent failure made a melancholy feeling sit heavily in her chest, but melancholy she could manage.

It was no use continuing to look for Lyra when she’d most likely already been found. Resolving herself to face Orrig knowing her disgraceful interaction with Rhys was the most difficult thing she’d done since arriving at the Salt Rock Hills, and despite her eagerness to leave she was in no hurry to see her employer again.

Swallowing her reluctance, Thistle hopped off the fence and made one last, sweeping glance of the pasture. It really was quite peaceful out here, and she could understand why Carson wandered out this way. Farther up the road there was even someone resting up against a lone fencepost…

Thistle did a double take, but there was no mistaking that red armor. “Lyra?”

The figure startled. “Thistle? What are you doing out here?”

“Looking for you,” Thistle said. “Orrig wants to go back to the city.”

“Oh thank the gods. How long have you been standing there?”

As Lyra approached, Thistle noticed she’d applied a fresh layer of makeup. “Not too long. I thought Brent would find you first.”

“Ha! Brent couldn’t track himself out of a wet paper bag. Is Orrig seriously leaving today?”

“If he can get transport,” Thistle said, taking some joy at the way Lyra’s face brightened. “Apparently Jacob owns the only stables in town.”

“Who’s Jacob again?” Lyra asked.

“The, well…the owner of the tavern.”

There was a beat of awful, terrible silence. “%*@#.”

“He also owns the only rooms to rent, so if we can’t use his horses we’ll have to pay him to stay the night.”

“Double %*@#,” Lyra said, scrubbing her face with her hands. “If he expects me to apologize he’s got another thing coming. Charging a silver for a pint of beer is a %*@#!+& joke, especially out here in this country backwater. Most the people here probably haven’t seen a silver in their life. You don’t suppose that orc will let us use his flying horse, do you? I bet we could fit all of us on that thing and make it to Crossroads before dark.”

“Rizaek?” Thistle asked. “I don’t speak Orcish, but I got the impression he didn’t want anything to do with us.”

“Hmph. I wouldn’t trust anyone who works with that pretty boy @$$&*^# anyway. I was serious when I said I’d break his nose if I ever saw him again.”

Thistle didn’t have a response for this. The fury in Lyra’s voice was almost a palpable thing. In Thistle’s limited time with her, Lyra’s anger had burned hot, fierce…and quickly. Rhys’s words must have struck a nerve.

“It’s not worth fighting about,” Thistle said, trying to convince herself what she was saying was true. “Not if we’re leaving today.”

Lyra leaned over the fencepost and stared out at the hills. In the distance a winged horse had taken flight and was soaring higher and higher into the air. “You’re wrong,” she said. “@$$#*&% like Rhys live their whole lives thinking they’re better than everyone else just because they have more money or connections or something extra dangling between their legs, and if no one ever proves them wrong they’ll keep on thinking it for the rest of their lives. I’m tired of it. He can call me whatever stupid name he wants, but I’m not afraid of him and I’m not going to back down. No one’s going to fight for me, so you’d &@#% well believe I’m going to fight for myself.”

She brushed her bangs out of her eyes and offered Thistle a crooked smile. “Sorry for the speech, but I’ve met too many Rhyses in my life to given two $&%!$ about this one. If I give up an inch he’s going to take a mile and come back looking for more. So yeah, I’d say it’s worth fighting over.”

“Even if you don’t win?” Thistle said.

Lyra laughed. “Oh, I know I’m not going to change his mind, but if I can make him think twice before spouting slurs to strangers who might take offence, then, well, that’s a win in my book.”

Thistle thought about this for a moment. She could see where Lyra was coming from, but there had to be a better way. Or maybe there wasn’t, and she was just too much of a coward to admit it. Thistle spent the majority of her time trying to help people, and to date she’d still never been accepted by anyone who knew what she truly was.

“What does ouvrière mean?” Thistle asked before she could stop herself. Her throat tightened when Lyra gave her a curious sideways glance that she could not decipher. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“I’m more surprised that you don’t know,” Lyra said. “It’s Elvish for ‘worker’.”

“That’s it?” Thistle said.

“That’s it,” Lyra said wryly. She propped her chin up with a hand. “That’s what I hate about Elvish. It’s got no real curse words, and everyone is so %*@#!+& obsessed with high society and being polite that they have to come up with creative ways to insult those they think are lower than they are.”

“But how can calling someone a worker be an insult?” Thistle asked.

“Oh, it’s not the word we use for someone who’s respectable,” Lyra said. “It means someone who does dirty work, common work, or a girl who doesn’t have a husband or father or brothers to take care of them so they go out in trousers and a shirt that they can actually breathe in, walking the streets without a chaperone and likely getting themselves into all sorts of undesirable situations with all sorts of undesirable folk for a little coin.”

“That’s…that’s terrible,” Thistle said.

Lyra shrugged. “It’s just a word,” she said flatly. “And like I said, it’s not even a real curse. Now dwarvish has some fantastic swear words. I picked up a bunch from a chatty drunk back in the city. Maybe I should throw some of those in Rhys’s face before I break his nose.”

It was a poor attempt at a joke, and they both knew it, but Thistle forced a chuckle anyway. “Do you suppose we should head back? Maybe Orrig’s found a way to Crossroads.”

“Gods I hope so,” Lyra said. She slid off of the fence and glanced at Thistle again, this time a sly grin spreading across her face. “So if you didn’t know what ouvrière meant then that means you’re not an elf.”

It was as if someone had snatched the air out of Thistle’s lungs. If Lyra had already figured out she wasn’t a city elf, how long would it take for Brent to realize she wasn’t human, or Orrig to see her for the monster she truly was? Thistle had known them for all of three days, and they were already starting to guess at her identity. They were mercenaries, professional monster hunters, how long would it take for them to see through the mask and shadows…

Lyra doubled over and laughed a laugh that sounded more like the maniacal cackle Thistle had once heard from a villain in a play. “I can’t believe it! That’s fantastic!”

“What?”

“I bet Rhys is the type to think elves are the best mages in the world. I would pay good money to see the look on his face when he realizes his pet spell slinger was schooled by a human girl!”

Lyra’s laughter drowned out Thistle’s weak protests, and she was still laughing when they found Brent and Orrig sitting outside city hall. It was just as well that she was in a good mood, because no amount of coin that would convince Jacob arrange transport to Crossroads, and there was no one else who could assist them on such short notice. They were stuck in the Salt Rock Hills for the night, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

[etirabys]

third and last ketamine session, at least in palo alto – way too expensive here plus was pressured by the doctor to go up to a high dose (well into recreational zone) because the first two sessions hadn’t done anything and he thought a medication I was taking (which he’d never heard of before) might be affecting efficacy. He also didn’t impress me when I said “don’t call me baby” after he said it two or three times while putting in the IV, and he replied with “oh, sorry, I don’t keep up with what’s politically correct these days” – I wouldn’t have been annoyed if he’d said “got it, won’t do it again” or just stopped at “oh, sorry”.

Anyway, consented to the higher dose for my own reasons (“wow I feel like I’m not coming back to this place, and I think I have a good grasp on the risks, so I might as well try”) – was conscious for about half an hour and lost the rest of the time, and it was the most bizarre psychological experience I’ve ever had. I basically lost all the information about who I was and what I was doing here – at times the visual stimuli cohered into “I am in a room”, and sometimes I recognized that I was in [vague mental echo that had the associations of ‘a clinic’, except most of those associations meant nothing to me]. The one time I really tried to piece together what I was doing, the one clear piece of information – the only verbal piece of information I recall having in that time – was ‘depression’. I sort of knew I was in this mental state because of depression, which was maybe a problem that needed to be solved, and I had the foggiest notion that somehow my lying here doing This and solving depression were linked. But I didn’t know how or why. Also, I frequently didn’t know what a mental state was, or... it didn’t occur to me to know.

I had the feeling that things were going to be all right, because I’d drummed it into myself before going down. That made it not-a-bad-trip, even though it was overall unpleasant – I didn’t have a good conception of time (and in fact, kept listening to music for a while even after the experience got a little frightening, because the transition to the next song let me keep track of time), or that this was in fact an experience that would end. I was holding on without understanding what any of this was for, or what was happening to me, or what came after, or what I was.

There was a post on tumblr about “you guys worry about dying before uploading is possible, but I worry about being uploaded – bytes don’t have rights, anyone who gets a hold of a copy of you could do anything.” But I now also fear having a corrupted copy of myself somewhere – no malice or sadism involved, just a mistake somewhere that leaves a version of me holding on, but with no rescue in the end at all, or even the possibility of unconsciousness.

[kaplunstevee]

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[paradox-oflife]

tagged by @lememecollector

Get to know me uncomfortably well tag: long post warning

1. What is your middle name? It’s Chinese lmao but if you can read it -> 語寧

2. When is your birthday? December 5th

3. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius :3

4. What is your favorite color? Red

5. What’s your lucky number? 12 or 7. These numbers just seem to pop up in my life a lot.

6. Do you have any pets? A very old, old golden retriever. I mean, he’s still healthy, he’s just reaaaal old.

7. Where are you from? Born in Northern California, lived in New Zealand for a chunk of my childhood, but I moved back in like elementary school

8. How tall are you?  153 cm, 5′0 feet tall that's right im a midget square up

9. What shoe size are you? 8.5 or maybe 9 depending on shoe brand

10. How many pairs of shoes do you own? like 4. sneakers, flip flops, semi-formal, and formal shoes

11. What was your last dream about? I have the most vivid and bizarre dreams. Last night, I had a dream about me eating at a restaurant with me friends. And I looked up to the night sky and I could see like, the universe in all its colors and glory. It was beautiful. Also there was something about cocaine??

12. What talents do you have? uuuuh I can play a couple of instruments. piano/cello/ukulele/bass

13. Are you psychic in anyway? define psychic. otherwise not really.

14. Favorite song? Read My Mind by the Killers. Or All These Things That I’ve Done by the Killers.

15. Favorite album? It’s so hard to choose. Top 3 in no particular order: Continuum by John Mayer, Sawdust by the Killers, Bury Me at Makeout Creek by Mitski

16. Favorite movie? Spirited Away. Or maybe Kiki’s Delivery Service. Or Akira.

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Someone who just vibes with me yknow. I can just talk for hours with them.

18. Do you want children? Mm. Not in the near future I guess. If I do, I’d have 2. Because it’s always great to have a sibling.

19. Do you want a church wedding? Yeah. But I don’t like having a really big wedding. I like being low-key.

20. Are you religious? Yeah. I was born and raised Christian. Non denominational, but I guess the closest would be Oneness Pentecostalism? Anyways religion is one of the few things I actually take pretty seriously.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? One time, and it was for stitches. Dumb story.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? No, I will literally get an anxiety attack if I hear police sirens when I'm in the car. I pray that I don't.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? Nah. Would be cool but idk how i’d react.

24. Baths or showers? Showers, but if I’m feeling it, a bath would never hurt.

25. What color socks are you wearing? Not wearing socks rn B). (also why do Americans not go barefoot more often lol. Its considered normal in NZ)

26. Have you ever been famous? No. I guess it’d be cool to be semi-famous. Like those small youtubers with a thousand subscribers. But I could never handle the pressure.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? Noooo hell no

28. What type of music do you like? Alternative/indie rock

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? LMAO no, and never will. It looks so uncomfortable when you get out. Like... what if there’s bacteria in the water or something.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two to three

31. What position do you usually sleep in? Honestly I have a hard time falling asleep so im always too tired to really remember

32. How big is your house? My parents house. Pretty decent sized. Average two story American house. Well, im only here until the pandemic is over bc college lol

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cereal or bread.

34. Have you ever fired a gun? The only gun I've ever fired was a nerf gun

35. Have you ever tried archery? No. Never really had a chance.

36. Favorite clean word? Mm... I use chur a lot irl. Then I found out its nz slang and no one actually knows what it means in the states lmao.

37. Favorite curse word? Ah... I don't actually swear that much. Maybe like shit? idk

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? like 18 hours. sorry but I am one hell of a sleeper

39. Do you have any scars? one. very small, hardly noticeable on my cheek.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Well it wouldn’t really be secret if I knew about it right?? lol. I’ve had three. Two were boys in elementary school, and one was a girl in 10th grade. It was awkward bc im straight but. yeah.

41. Are you a good liar? Im a pretty down to earth person. So I don't lie a lot. But id say im alright.

42. Are you a good judge of character? For the most part, yeah.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? I can do the southern USA accent, like the cowboy movies lol. The surfer accent, “duuuude”, like the turtle from Nemo. Im pretty bad at the Scottish accent. I can do a received pronunciation British accent, which is the standard accent you hear on tv. I can do Australian pretty well. And of course, my original accent, the kiwi accent. The standard one and the Maori one.

44. Do you have a strong accent? Eh. Not really. Sounds pretty American if I’m speaking slowly. But when I’m relaxed or talking fast, people tell me I sound kind of British. So I guess I have some weird combo of nz/american

45. What is your favorite accent? Australian is my favorite in general. But I love listening to thick Scottish accents. They’re so funny idk why

46. What is your personality type? INFP-T

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? A dress for wedding

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yup.

49. Favorite book? Aw man there’s so many. Fahrenheit 451 is always fun to reread

50. Left or right handed? Right handed

51. Are you scared of spiders? um YES

52. Favorite food? my dad’s fried rice hits the spot like no other. I also like green onion pancakes

53. Favorite foreign food? The three colored egg thing idk what its called in English?

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Probably more on the messy side, but I try!

55. Most used phrased? thick kiwi accent: “Oh, chur bro!” or “chur cuzzy!”

56. Most used word? Honestly it’s probably something like dude or bro

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Maybe 20-30 min on an average day

58. Do you have much of an ego? I try not to, id like to say im pretty humble when it comes to things. maybe too much.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Suck, but when im bored I CRONCH

60. Do you talk to yourself? Sometimes, usually if its im trying to remind myself of something

61. Do you sing to yourself? In the car usually, but its soft humming most of the time.

62. Are you a good singer? I mean, the most I can do is be on pitch. Nothing ordinary. I whistle like 24/7 in public tho

63. Biggest fear? Externally, probably needles. Internally? My friends are only pretending to like me

64. Are you a gossip? I don’t spread gossip but I listen to it sometimes. Actually, when it comes to the whole beauty community on youtube, I listen to a lot of it.

66. Can you dance? NOPE

67. Can you name all 50 states? Yup

68. Favorite school subject? For me it was orchestra and literature

69. Extrovert or introvert? according to the Myers briggs test im 78% introverted

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No and it makes me nervous

71. What makes you nervous? Everything. Anxiety :)

72. Are you scared of the dark? Nah. I live in a suburban area so nothing really happens, but if I’m out in a major city no thanks

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Depends how big. If it’s like a typo or something, I don't really care. If it’s something major then I’ll try to correct them

74. Are you ticklish? I used to be. But if you taser tickle me I will scream, or if you squeeze my thigh.

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? Eh ive been the leader of a club before. That’s it.

77. Have you ever drank underage? No!! Dont drink too much when you’re a minor it hurts ur brain :(

78. Have you ever done drugs? No

79. Who was your first real crush? lmao I had one in like 3rd grade but that was a long time ago.

80. How many piercings do you have? I got ear piercings when I was like 8 but I didn't do anything with them and the hole closed lol

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes

82. How fast can you type? Accurately? around 88 bpm. As fast as I can? more like 120.

83. How fast can you run? I was always more of a explosive runner. But I pretty much sucked at long distance runs. I think my best mile time was like 8:38??

84. What color is your hair? I believe its black/dark brown. can't be sure. im colorblind

85. What color are your eyes? Dark brown.

[beardedwinnerobject-blog]

Can anyone tell me what the average cost for a $1Million  alcohol libality insurance policy would be in Mass?

"Can anyone tell me what the average cost for a $1Million  alcohol libality insurance policy would be in Mass?

I'm trying to find a yearly cost for an insurance policy on a function hall - not open nightly, probably 30 nights a year.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I'm on my fathers insurance until I turn 26, but I have a one year old baby girl. How much will it be to have good medical insurance for just her ? She needs good insurance because she has medical issues.""

""Where can I find affordable health insurance in Tucson, AZ?""

Anyone have any suggestions on inexpensive healthcare. I am disabled and we survive on my wife's income. Our current health insurance premiums are $1150.00 per month (it goes up about $150 per year). We are at our breaking point because we are soon going to have to decide what to cut from our budget (the house, food or health insurance). Because I am disabled no one will insure me. The insurance we have now we had before I became disabled so they can't kick me out. I'm afraid that if we don't have insurance something could happen to me, my wife or kids that would require a hospital visit and could run in the thousands or tens of thousands. I don't want to have to go bankrupt because I couldn't afford to have coverage. I had a stay in the hospital two years ago and the total bill was $60,000.00. the insurance covered all but $3000.00. If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.""

How to explain therapy on health insurance application?

I graduated from a University of California last quarter and now I'm applying for health insurance. For my last year as a student, I took advantage of the counseling services offered at my school. I took part in therapy because it helped me get through the stress of an extremely difficult course load during my last few quarters. To be honest, I would not have gone to therapy if it hadn't been 100% covered by my student health insurance. I was never prescribed any medication, I'm not seeing a therapist at the moment, and I don't intend to start seeing one again any time in the foreseeable future. Obviously, I have no choice but to write that I've seen a psychologist for mental/emotional reasons. The question is how do I explain it so that it causes the least harm to my application? Do you think this is something I should be concerned about?""

Any 1 want life insurance or mediclaim?

v r giving best service with lower price...

Car insurance premium went up because of the state?

I noticed that my monthly car insurance bill increased by about $40. When I called my insurance company to ask why my premium went up (since there were no accidents, changes in cars or policy/discount changes), the rep told me that it was because of the state. I knew he meant government and he said it's been happening all across the country but the increases are highest in California, New York, New Jersey and Florida. I live in California. Has anyone else experienced this? Can someone explain to me in specifics what the government may have done that lead to the increase?""

I'm 17years old how much would it be to insure a Volkswagen Golf?

I'm 17years old how much would it be to insure a Volkswagen Golf?

""I just found out that I am 9 weeks pregnant, which insurance company would insure me if I just found out?""

So I just found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant, and I've been uninsured for the last 5 years, which health insurance will insure me if I JUST found out I'm pregnant?""

Can anyone tell me what the average cost for a $1Million  alcohol libality insurance policy would be in Mass?

I'm trying to find a yearly cost for an insurance policy on a function hall - not open nightly, probably 30 nights a year.

What's good insurance for young adults?

I'm 21 & I currently have insurance with the car lot I purchased my car from. What are good full coverage but affordable insurances?

Is health insurance haram?

Hey, We're supposed to write an essay on any topic of our choice and show it relates to well being and opportunity in Canada while addressing inequalities (that part is optional). I'm thinking of writing on Private Health Insurance in Canada. But first i wanna know if health insurance is haram. Also what can I focus on on in terms of health insurance. Should I focus on their good side/bad side, etc. Any suggestions?""

Insurance on a Civic Si?

Alright so im pretty sure that answer is going to be high but im thinking of buying a '06/'07/'08 civic si, but i was just wondering if any other si drivers could give me how much they pay for insurance. im 20 live in s. cali and have one ticket so i bet thats gonng drive it up but still want to know like an average. will it make a difference if i but a civic si sedan instead of the coupe?""

How long do you have to get insurance on a car after loaning?

A relative of mine wants to take over notes to my current car. I'm waiting for papers to come back to approve her and get the title in her name. The note was too high anyways but I have to pay for the note ($375) and insurance ($251) until everything is situated. Well I found a cheaper car for 6,000 and I'll be paying a little more than $100 each month. I want to hurry and get this car because I really like it and if I wait too long then it would be gone. Do I have to get insurance on it right away. I won't be driving it until I get insurance. Would they come and repo it if I don't have insurance but paying the note? I can't afford two notes and two insurances. So that's why I wanted to wait until I got rid of my first car to get insurance.""

Best Car Insurance for an 18 yr old?

I stay in Illinois and I just graduated from high school in December. I'm already enrolled in college and I'm taking two courses. In one class i have an A and the other I have a B. My GPA is still higher than a 3.0. I plan on getting a car really soon and I would like to know what is the best car insurance for me right now. I'm 18 years old, I was born in 1991, I do not yet own a license, and I've had my permit every since I was 15. The car I plan on getting is an 2004 honda accord with more than 100k miles on it or a 2004 Monte carlo with less than 100k miles on it. Which would be the best car for me to get? Should I get the Monte Carlo or a Honda Accord? Which car insurance would be the best for me also, because I don't want nothing so expensive!""

Auto Insurance help?

My parents have 3 cars, and I'm getting my drivers license soon. when I called the insurance company, they said that I must be registered as a primary driver instead of occasional driver on one of the 3 cars (which makes the insurance cost a lot more). Is that true or are they bsing?""

Whys my insurance suddenly so high?

right ive just turned 17 and yes i know blah blah blah but what ive been doing is on gocompare just looking for possible cars on ebay then checking the insurance to find the cheapest ones. now iv managed to go from over three grand to cars which were about 1800 but then today every single car iv check was over 3k even cars yesterday quoted 1800 i also noticed that elephant and admiral used to be the cheapest by thousands but now they dont cover me and when i went to admiral direct they quoted 4k i havent changed any details any ideas why this is :)

Whats the cheapest place to get insurance?

I got a 01 kia optima im 23 years old, male, and paying about 100 dollars a month for full coverage. Company: American Family. Any better deals""

Auto insurance and baby seat replacement?

I was in an accident a few months ago and I heard recently that the insurance company of the person at fault has to pay for new baby seats since the seats have served their purpose by protecting the children. Anyone else have experience with this? Can I get the insurance compant to pay for new seats?

Whats a good affordable car insurance company in dfw?

would like to pay no more than 100 dollars a month liability but i was looking for suggestions for insurance companies for my car to check out, a company that offered raodside ...show more""

""No health insurance, new baby?""

I just had a baby born, and I lost my health insurance. We planned to put my baby and I on my husband's university plan, but he is not a full time student anymore, as he works to provide for us. It makes all of us without health insurance and we cannot afford to buy one for the three of us. We do not qualify for federal help either. My husband works for the company that does not offer health benefits. If he were to switch a job, then we would get benefits in 3 months. Are there any options for us?""

What kind of insurance would I need to start a home improvement referral service?

What kind of insurance would I need to start a home improvement referral service?

How much do you pay for basic liability auto insurance?

I'm only interested in liability insurance. Please list your state and monthly payment.

Do you need insurance for motorcycle if under 21?

i just passed my course and the coach I had told us that you are not required to have insurance if your 21 or over and wear a helmet so I asked her what about people under 21, she said it didnt say anything in the papers so she doesnt know.. i was wondering if any of you know if it is legal not to have insurance. im 18, live in florida, and wear a helmet, thanks!""

Car Insurance?

right can anyone tell me off there head (with out telling me to go to a insurance website) how much it would cost for a 17yh old to insure a: VW Golf Mk1 GTI and a Williams Clio

How much will my insurance increase if i get a 1994 mustang ?

I'm 18 and right now i have a really crappy 1994 mercury topaz and my parents pay my insurance, which is $110 a month, but they said if i want a better car, i have to pay the insurance increase and was wondering if someone could give me an educated guess of what ill be paying. Thanks""

""I am renting a car, what kind of insurance do I need?""

I do not currently have car insurance (no car!) but will need to rent a car from Washington state to travel one way 2600 miles away. My question is what insurance, if any, is REQUIRED by law to have while driving this car. Will the car companies know or will they tell me what they can to get me to pay more? Also if you happen to know the best priced one way rental car company that would be helpful too!""

Business Insurance?

I have a customer who wants to require that we have the following insurance: (View link to see exactly what they want) http://fatteds.net/insurance.jpg How do I go about getting this? Who do I call? How much will it cost? estimate is ok... Darn government contract!!!! Thanks in advanced

How much is the insurancwe difference on a v6 and gt 04 mustang?

its my first car im 16 i have state farm i dont speed (in residential but in the highway its a different story! not really but serious i dont get tickets) im a straight A student 4.0 average how much is insurance for each

How much does blue cross health insurance cost?

I need it for a individual, 20 year old, with good health. This is for a project.""

Car Insurance Liability?

Should I go around and get $2000000 in liability, or should I just go with $1000000?""

How much does an ER vist cost w/ no insurance?

I went to the ER the other day. I was there for a few hours and only have an IV. I dont have insurance...how much do you think this will cost?

""Can a licensed driver, drive my car without having insurance?""

#1. I am insured under my parents Allstate Auto Insurance. My boyfriend is a licensed driver but does not have car insurance. If he drives my car and something happened, would Allstate cover it? #2. In a previous state, we were given the option of adding him to the plan or not allowing him to drive any of our vehicles. We signed the agreement that he would not drive our vehicles. Now, in a different state, would that follow us? #3. If he were to get insurance, I was told, a driver can not get insurance unless their name is on the title? Any help is greatly appreciated!""

Can I drive another car with my Geico insurance?

I just purchased my first insurance policy. My sister has Geico insurance and she can drive any car and anybody can drive her car. I'm wondering if I have the same privileges, or do I have to pay for them. My policy is about as basic as is legal in California so here's to hoping.""

I double paid home insurance?

I just found out that I paid my homeowners insurance seperate and my morgage is paying for it as well. Its been 2 years....should I ask for a refund or what?

Can anyone tell me what the average cost for a $1Million  alcohol libality insurance policy would be in Mass?

I'm trying to find a yearly cost for an insurance policy on a function hall - not open nightly, probably 30 nights a year.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/nationwide-insurance-south-carolina-auto-quote-benjamin-frazier"

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the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

"the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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""How much does car insurance cost for 23 years old male, first driver/car?""

I am 23 years old and just got my driving license few weeks ago. I am planning to get volkswagen golf match 1.4, but don't know if i will get cheap car insurance for it.. If you know anything please help..does anyone know the exact monthly/yearly cost of the insurance? if it will be too expensive what will be a cheapest one...i don't mind vauxhall corsa but i prefer golf ,and reason is straight forward, we all know :) help would be much appreciated.""

Can a car insurance company find out when you were first issued your license?

I know its wrong to lie, BUT ,my insurance would be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much lower if I had been driving for longer. I didn't get my license until I was 22 and I'm 23 now, but they give me the rates of a teenager. I pay way too much!""

Do parking citations affect my insurance rates?

I recently received a speeding ticket. This was my first ticket in the four years I've been driving, so I was able to keep it off of my record and insurance by taking an online ...show more""

Health insurance?

I was involved in a boat accident, that caused my ligaments to be torn. Now, on crutches and some pain.. i wonder, I don't have health insurance... can you guys give me any suggestions as to what i can do to pay for this? i live in california... if that matters.... thanks""

How does a new independent insurance agent get appointed/chartered by insurance carriers?

I'm starting a new independent insurance agency in NJ and foresee difficulty getting appointed/chartered by insurance carriers. Can anyone confirm this to true? Also, if this is the case are there any other options for a new agent? I've heard of 'brokers' that will fill this void and have access to many carrier however they keep 33% of the commissions. Any other options for new agents that anyone might be aware of? - Thanks a lot for any input!""

Do i need to have a insurance to get my car inspection?

do i need to have a insurance to get my car inspection?

What would be the best/cheapest place to get moped insurance through?

I live in Edmonton, Alberta and I just bought a little 50cc Honda Jazz to use to commute to work with. I can't seem to find online quotes so I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on a good place to go to for reasonably priced insurance for the moped. Also, would I have to pay for a whole year up front or could I pay month-to-month?""

Has anyone moved to pennsylvania from new jersey?

i was considering moving to pennsylvania because I've heard the cost of living is a little less expensive than what it is in NJ.And I see alot of people are living in PA that commute to work in NJ/NY so there must be some reason people would be willing to make such a long commute just to live in PA.I live in Northern NJ somewhat close to Newark with my parents and i wana move out but cant afford the rent in NJ.I need some advice and opinions on whether moving will be better or will I be better off staying in NJ.Ive been considering also Washington DC, Maryland,Virginia. Can anyone tell me what towns in PA are cheapest to live, is car insurance cheaper than NJ etc. things like that.Thanx in Advance. O yea and if i wanted to keep my job and commute how far is the drive from nj to pa.i work close to NY""

""Being in the military, can I drive in WA with CA auto insurance?""

Im in the military stationed in WA and my home state is California. As of now I'm insured with gieco with a policy from california, can I use the same policy in Washington or I would have to buy auto insurance in washington?""

The general car insurance ? is there a catch ?

I feel like there's a catch . No personal info required and its 39 bucks . Is there a catch ? Or just a bad car insurance

Do you have health insurance?

if so, how much is it per month? how old are you? what kind of deductable do you have? feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance?""

Then why would my homeowers insurance not renew......?

Then why would my home owners insurance not renew because of a felony?

How much would car insurance cost?

how much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old guy driving a 2006 pontiac g6 4 door 2.4 liter engine

What is the difference between farmer's insurance and state farm?

I'm confuse. and what is the best insurance company.

Car Insurance...????

How much would it be for a 16 Year old boy to be added on his parents insurance policy... Completed Drivers Ed Lives in Baltimore, MD Has really good grades It would be liberty mutual if that helps... thanks!""

Good insurance for a small liquor store/market in Los angeles county?

I am looking for a good commercial insurance company for my newly purchased small liquor store/market in southern California. It's a tiny 850 sqft store. I am looking for one that is reputable & lower price. Anybody know? What kind of coverage should I get? approximate cost? best most helpful answer gets full points!

""If I send a demand letter to an insurance company, do I have to ask for a specific amount?""

Or can I leave it open-ended? I was in an accident in June '09. The other driver was found to be 100% at fault. I received a settlement offer from the at fault driver's insurance company that was ridiculously LOW. I replied with a letter stating that I would not accept their low offer and explained why. I'm wondering now, though, if I should have specified an amount that I expect to receive. I simply told them to get back to me with a real and significantly higher offer or I would be seeking legal representation. Did I make a mistake?""

Do you really believe that America has the best healthcare in the world?

Please say why you believe this when all evidence points to the contrary. You talk about health, cost, care, ect, we do not have the best. People in other countries have better. I mean...I listened to sean hannity say that we have the best healthcare and the only evidence he could provide is some vauge story about a politician from another country coming here to get healthcare...that doesn't really qualify as evidence. Especially when the world health organization ranks healthcare, and we're nowhere near number 1. Now this is a fact that I've known for about two years before this debate even flared up. How is misinformation getting so out of hand? Please...tell me why we have the best with 50 million people uninsured. When we pay the most of any country in the world with some of the worst care. When we have some of the most unhealthy people. When insurance companies exempt for preconditions, when healthcare cost is the biggest contributor to our debt, when we pay premiums every month for something that doesn't happen, and when it does we have to co pay, then when it runs out we're screwed. Healthcare is the number one bankrupter in this country...over 70% of the people have health insurance when they first get sick and they still go bankrupt. Explain how this is the best please. And this has nothing to do with Obamas plan so keep it to yourself, this is about thinking we have the best healthcare and that other countries are somehow much worse then us (they aren't). Provide a source if you can.""

I want to buy a car to learn in but don't have insurance?

can i buy a car privately through autotrader and get a parent to drive it home? I was thinking of buying the car first then saving up for the insurance.

What is the best state to get cheap/free medical care for adult? Any states have insurance?

Do any states have health insurance? Or better funding or access for adult care?

I have just started an apprenticeship and wondering if I would be able to afford a car and insurance?

I have recently just started an apprenticeship in march which is only 12 months long, however there may or may not be a job at the end of it. I get paid 2.65 an hour, 5 days a week 9AM-5.30PM and I currently am doing my driving lessons but I am sick of relying on other people for lifts. Will i be able to afford a car and insurance on this pay? I'm really not bothered what car I can get as long as it gets me to work and back.""

Car insurance on a 95-98 toyota supra?

im 16-female..remain a B+ average. it would be full coverage... and i know the color can make a difference..prefreably white..maybe black. anyone know the ball park insurance price it would be for me?

Next to oil and gas prices are car insurance prices too high anyone agree?

Whats the deal the government wants everyone to participate in paying for auto insurance yet the prices are rediculous what happened to buying a car and registering it thats it? Does the government think about Americans servival aside from gas, food, children, mortgage blah blah blah............. or do people vote for laws blind folded????""

For a 21 year old what is the cheapest car insurance company in ottawa ontario?

I am 21 years old male and a first time driver, have never been insured, and have my G2. I am looking for the cheapest quote""

What are the best car insurance sites for a 17 year old male?

Im just looking what sort of prices id be looking at for insurance for small cars (1.0/1.1 engines) and cant get a quote under 3000. Who are the best insurance providers for recently passed 17 year olds?

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

What kind of business insurance is needed for a small business retail store?

& on average, how much does it cost (it will be in Brookly/NYC)""

Ive had my car insurance for a year with no claims.?

now i want to switch insurance company as new one is much cheaper. can i get a letter / email from the old one saying that ive had no claims during the year??

Can I insure my car in California if it is registered in Oklahoma?

I currently have insurance in Oklahoma. My permanent address is in Oklahoma but I am stationed in California and California doesn't require military personnel to register their vehicles there.

My own insurance?

In High school I was on my parents insurance and then I moved out with my boyfriend and got put on his parents insurance, but Im pretty sure his mom is lying to us about how much the insurance costs. We payed a varied amount (75-200) every 2 weeks for a couple months and then that same varied about after that per month. I feel bad about not trusting her but I want to have my own insurance. Mainly because I want to be self sufficient and pay my own everything! How do I go about getting insurance for me and my boyfriend?""

What is the best/cheapest car insurance?

I am 19, I've had one ticket for driving too fast for conditions . I'm getting a new car this week, a 2002 4dr honda civic. How much should i expect to pay for insurance? And what is the best company to go through?""

Is accutane usually covered by insurance?

i have blue cross blue shield insurance if that helps.

What debit is insurance expense and what credit is prepaid expense?

On July 1, 2007, Lumas Co. pays $15,840 to Patel Insurance Co. for a 6-year insurance contract. Both companies have fiscal years ending December 31. For Lumas Co. journalize and post the entry on July 1 and the adjusting entry on December 31 to all accounts except cash. Debit Credit July 1 Prepaid Insurance $ 15,840 Cash $ 15,840 Dec. 31 Insurance Expense $ ???? Prepaid Insurance $ ???? what would go where the question marks are?""

How do i get health insurance?

How do I get health insurance for myself? My work doesn't offer health insurance. My husband and all his younger siblings (over 18) are now covered under my mother-in-law's insurance from her work.

Do i have to get insured for my cleaning business?

ok so its just me and my friend (business partner, we are in the process of getting our business together in the mean time we are just cleaning places with out insurance. i know i will need it incase something should happen. but do i really need the bond insurance as well? its only me and her and she would be co business partner or whatever you call it lol we are going to get a license soon but we dont rent out a building for this business because we dont really need one if its going to be just us.""

What happens if you lie to a new car insurance provider?

I was cancelled for reasons out of my hands, apparently the insurance person didn't record I had spoken to them during a conversation. So my broker cancelled my insurance. Now everywhere I go they want to charge me a lot more for thsi cancellation and I can't get through to my company to try to have the cancellation revoked. What happens if I apply to another car insurance company and say i wasn't cancelled. I pay ontime there's nothing wrong, are they going to find out about the previous company somehow?""

How much will motorcycle insurance cost?

I'm 16 I got a 97 Kawasaki ninja how much to I have to pay I have my own car insurance policy can I get it with the same company

""How can Insurance companies, all offer cheaper deals than each other, CRAZY?""

So let me think, One company says come to us we will save you money, next advert says come to us we will save you money, another will say come to us for cheaper deals, how can you be cheaper than the other company if they are doing cheaper deals than you, is this crazy or am i.""

Car Insurance Question?

I am 25 today and was always told that your car insurance rates will go down when you reach this age. Is this true? If so, how much can I expect my insurance to drop? Im a male. Im insured through Allstate. No accidents. 1 speeding ticket in 9 yrs of driving. I drive a 2007 f-150 4x4 v8""

What company provides the CHEAPEST auto insurance?

I want the very cheapest auto insurance out there. The bare minimum so that if I were to be pulled over, I would be legal. The coverage is not important. Thanks!!""

Pass Plus lower insurance?

Ive passed my driving test and looking to get a car. The plan was to get a car and put my dad as the first named driver and add me on. From what ive found its around 2800+ which is a lot of money. My driving instructor says Pass Plus is a good idea for when you pass your test, will it lower my insurance? Or is it just a myth?""

Which color and style cars are the most expensive in insurance??

I looking at getting myself a chevy cobalt, I want a black, white or red coupe style but I know that they can be a little more in insurance and I just want to know what colors and styles are the most.. By the way I'm a 22 year old female in Chicago, I know that might make a difference in the cost as well.. Any info would be helpful..""

Motorcycle insruance guess for 17 year old female (Indiana)?

I'm a 17 year old female and I live in Indiana so I would not be riding year round. I have good grades and I will have completed the safety course. I'm looking at probably something older and 400cc. If any other under 18 year old has insurance and knows PERSONALLY how much it would cost please let me know.

What is a good and cheap insurance for a Acura Rsx 2002?

I just recently got my license and want to know of good and cheap insurance for my car.

Car Insurance.?

Should car insurance still be payed if the car has been taken off the road eg. S.O.R.N was declared. I say it shouldn't but my neighbour said it should be (he's a man!)

What is the best medical insurance for already pregnant woman?

I have to purchase my own health insurance because I left my job recently only to discover that my small group aka my employer doesn't cover COBRA, when you leave voluntarily. At the time we had a makeshift HR dept. so I can't really blame them for not knowing...anyway , now I have to seek out my own insurance and I want to know what is the best plan out there since I am coming out of pocket. I can't have OB care until I get this. Please don't judge me I was a working executive assistant for a small company and decided to leave to pursue my dreams and get out of the rut of a comfortable job without a future! Help, thank you!""

What's Toronto cheap auto insurance/Broker?

This city is pure Bull sh*t! I can't find a affordable insurance. If anyone have a good car insurance, please leave their name of contact #? Thanks""

How do i use my insurance ?

i get insurance through my job but i dont know how to use it. Feel dumb asking but i've never had to go to the doctors before and now i do. Can someone tell me a a little bit about it. Do i call the doctors office first and tell them what insurance i have and they figure it out. or do i call my insurance first and tell them i need to make an appointment? i did call and they sent me a list of all the doctors my insurance cover.

""Without health insurance, what is the most direct way to get ssi disability?""

unemployment has run out, how can i receive help from social security without going into massive debt?""

""Am I required to add my 16 year old student driver to my auto insurance policy, we live in Illinois.?""

As the student drivers parent, is my current auto insurance coverage in effect and still valid (for me and my 16 yr old) when my 16 year old student driver is driving my vehicle (supervised driving\practice), even though I have not added them as a driver on my auto insurance policy. We live in Illinois. After the student driver receives their official drivers license am I required to add them as a driver to my auto ins policy, or am I and this new driver still covered by my policy because I have given them permission to operate my vehicle?""

""First time owning a car Acura RSX R first time owner, how much would the insurance be around at?""

I'm a woman, 22 years old and i live in canada""

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

17 year old motorcycle insurance cost?

Hey I am looking to get my motorcycle license and was wondering what the cost for insurance would be. I already have the motorcycle, a 1982 Yamaha xt125 or I may look into getting a Honda rebel 250. I would just use it for shorter commutes. Any estimates would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.""

How much would i have to pay for insurance driving a small ninja 250r? I'm only a teen...but i love bikes.?

Im a 16 year old guy who will soon get his drivers license, but quite frankly im not too thrilled about being able to drive. I love driving and all, but i really enjoy riding a bike. I used to ride motocross too. I had a kx100 until my parents had to sell them because of their divorce. I used to ride with my dad on his ninja zx11, and i had the best time on it. He always told me insurance would be sky high for someone my age if i were to have, say, a cbr 600f4 or something similar( i dont want a 1000, not now). He then told me a good first bike would be a 250 ninja or cbr. I thought they were kinda gay at first, but considering insurance and such i really am considering it. But first, i need to get some quotes...give me an average please i dont know what insurance my parents are on.""

What is a good health insurance company?

I don't make much $, but I would like to have health insurance at a reasonable cost. What say ye?""

Can i get car insurance.?

my boyfriend and i broke up,and we bought a car together, hes the one with the name on the title,but i pay for the car payments as the co signer,his credit was better htan mine,the car was for me.though.he no longer will help pay for it,the insurance is for the both of us,am i able to get the car insurance under just for me if he doesnt drive it at all.""

""Dose my 400,000 SGLI military life insurance cover me off duty?""

i have been in 4 years and a spc in the colorado army national guard and i have 400,000 sgli life insurance. Someone told me on or off duty that life insurance covers me as long as i am in, is that true? I always thought it was on duty only life insurance so basically if one day off duty i get hit by a bus, that 400,000 dollars before taxes will be paid out to my beneficiaries the next couple of months after?? thanks.""

""A life insurance company sells a $250,000 1-year term life insurance policy to a 20-year-old female?""

for $200. According to the National Vital Statistics Report. 56(9), the probability that the female survives the year is 0.999544. Compute and interpret the expected value of this policy to the insurance company - I also have to find the probability that the company has to pay the female Im suppose to get .000456 but don't know how to get this?""

Can I my Dad's car without being on his insurance?

I am a 17yr old student living with my parents and i have just passed my driving test. Everyone keeps saying i can drive my Dad's car once he is in the passenger seat, but i am not sure. My dad has insurance on his car, but i am not a named driver. So can i drive my dad's car if he his in the passenger seat, without being named on his policy.""

Car lease insurance question?

I am leasing a car from Honda and wanted to know if there is insurance you can take out to cover any damage to the car that will repair scratches and minor dents, things that I will be hit for when I return the car when the lease ends? I was wondering what that kind of insurance is? Thanks""

Health Insurance - 31 days after Birth?

Here is my question: Me and my wife currently have health insurance (Carrier A). Effective 6/1 I plan to get into different health insurance plan with different insurer (Carrier B). On 5/23 my son was born and as per Carrier A, I have 31 days to enroll him under my current health insurance. Since I am changing eff 6/1, will he still be covered with my current plan (even I don't add him) until I add him to the new plan? So, basically from the time he is born until he gets added to Carrier B, would he have a coverage for these 7-8 days? Thanks""

Maternity Insurance?

I'm looking for health insurance that I can have for basic coverage, and at somepoint (if needed) add maternity coverage. Everything I have looked at so far will only cover ...show more""

Does anyone know the average cost for motorcycle insurance in New York City?

Not for a new street-bike, but for an older bike, like a triumph""

Insurance company drug test for a lower rate?

I am clean right now, I just took a drug test today at home and passed. I was just wondering what Farm Bureau Insurance or any car insurance company may test for in a teenager whose parents are looking to get a lower rate? How extensive would the test be? Would they test for LSD or LSA? I AM NOT POSING AS A MINOR! IT'S JUST A QUESTION! WILL PICK BEST ANSWER! thank you for your help! :)""

Insurance price.?

how much would insurance cost for a 16 year old buy. like on average?

How much does it cost for insurance on a scooter in europe?

I don't need an exact number, just give me a range.""

What is The Age Limit To Use My Medical Insurance?

Hi I'm 20 years old and i want to know what is the age limit medical insurance covers? I hardly use it and now that i need it to have an eye check, I don't know if it will cover me... I reside in California. Thank You!""

Car Insurance?

What is the name of the car insurance I could get, that covers any one who drives my car but who is not on the policy? Thanks""

Car insurance price? ?

I am nearly 16 and looking at cars. I was wondering what a ballpark cost would be for me to get a 2000 to 2002 mustang GT. I know the V8 will make it more. I will be 16, a boy, I have a 3.5 GPA.""

What is the cost of baby health insurance?

I am doing a project for health class, called baby's first year. I have every thing that i would cost to have a baby except Doctor, Hospital cost and health Insurance. If you know how ...show more""

How much (on average) is car insurance for a 16 year old?

I turned 16 a little while ago and my dad says he's gonna get me a car of my own! a nissan xterra!! (i LOVE them!) BUT... he said i have to pay all insurance and gas money... I was wondering how much, on average, that will cost? I have about 25% off because of the driver's ed i took and also another 10% or 15% off for good grades If anyone has an idea, I would greatly appreciate it!""

Are there any car insurance providers in MA that pay for OEM parts?

I have Progressive insurance and a 2010 year car. Progressive will not pay for OEM parts, even OEM glass. Is there a car insurance provider in MA that does? If so I want to switch ASAP.""

Car Insurance on a 2007 Dodge Charger SXT?

I am a 17 year old guy and i was just wondering roughly how much insurance would be on this car. I know its probably really high i just wanted kind of a rough estimate ! -I have my G2 -I completed Drivers Ed -I live in Ontario -The car is used

Liability vs full coverage insurance on motorcycle?

Im getting my first bike next week (a ninja 250r) and i got these 2 quotes from my insurance company: Liability $253/year Full Coverage $842/year What do you think?

Question regarding Car Insurance Policies?

What if someone who was a driving a commercially insured vehicle (company car) hit me yet the person who was driving the car was not an employee and thus not covered by the insurance? Will the person still be held liable and will the insurance pay for my damages? Sources are appreciated. Thank you in advance

How much of your pay check would you take out for Health insurance?

this is my first job that offers health benefits. I am new to this and having problems deciding if i need to get it or not. My company is offering both HMO and PPO for about the same price. Both cost around 70 per check, but i only make around 850. That is almost 10%. Should i shop around or should i just go ahead and get it or not have insurance at all. I dont even like going to the doctors but i would like to have health insurance just in case. My deductible for ppo is 500. I dont even know what that means. any advice would be helpful. thank you""

""I want to trade my car in. I have no GAP Insurance, where can I get it?

I got a used 2007 Dodge Caliber SXT rom Drivetime (rip off) in March of this year. I knew nothing about financing a car or anything. Now I want to trade the car in at a new lot for a ...show more

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

How much approx. to insure 1100cc for 7 days?

Any help on this question will be appreciated. I'm only looking for an approximation as I've no idea what the general insurance rates are for short term car insurance. Insurance would only need be 3rd part fire and theft. Would it cost me 10, 50 a 100 pounds, I've no idea. Again any help appreciated. Thanks.""

Is there any insurance companies that will insure after a fire claim?

me and my family had a fire in july of 2008 and our homeowners insurance dropped us after the claim was over. now we are having major difficulty obtaining homeowners insurance. is there anybody that knows of a insurance company that takes people with these issues? we also live in indiana

How much is insurance on a 125cc?

WhAts a average insurance price for a geared 125

Whats the average cost for insurance for a corvette? but monthly?

well i want to get a corvette but i want to know the average insurance for it?

What's affordable about obamacare?

or the Affordable Care Act that so many want us to call it so that Obama hopefully isn't yoked with this monstrous failed program for the rest of time.

Why at 22 years old is a first time drivers insurance so dam high?

Yeah so the title says it all. Has anyone got any tips on how to lower insurance down a bit I'm looking at prices from 2k-2.4k at the moment and that's only on a 1.3 ford fiesta. Hopefully someone has a few tips on how to get the cheaper insurance ;p

Car insurance definitions?

in car insurance, what are the definitions of: Policy Premium Deductible""

Car insurance for teens?

can someone guess how much my car insurance will be? im 16 years old i own a 2007 lexus gs and i never got a ticket... my mom said it would be around $200, but im kinda hoping it's a lot lower lol.""

Help with teen car insurance?!?

on average how much do you pay for your car insurance as a teen and with what company? oh, and where you live?""

Quad Bike Insurance Advice?

hi can anyone tell me the best place to get a road legal quad bike insurance online quote in the UK thanks for any advice given

Car insurance for college?

I'm going to start college in a little while and i have an insurance question. i'm probably going to start at a community college that isn't too far from where i live but when i transfer It's going to be a good 300 miles away. The insurance on my car is under my dad's name and we pay next to nothing for it. Does my cars insurance have to be under my name when i transfer? It was under mine in the beginning but the payments were a lot more than they are now.

Can i borrow from my life insurance policy?

Can i borrow from my life insurance policy?

What would insurance be for me with these cars?

2002 Impreza rs. silver, 4 door, all wheel drive, manual transmission. 2004 nissan sentra se-r, silver, 4 door, manual transmission. I'm 17 years old and would drive the car to work and school about 5 days a week.""

Car insurance for my first car.?

Im 23 and getting my first car soon. Ive had outrageous quotes of 2500 upwards for a Vectra 1.8 SRI with me as the only driver. My dad has maximum no claims bonus and has been driving for 35 years. If I buy that car and put it in my name and pay the insurance can my dad go as the first driver and me as the second for supposed occasional use ?? Or would the car need to be in his name to get the price down? Also if he's not passing any no claims onto the car will it even bring the insurance price down?? Please help as ive heard so many young people getting cheap insurance on there car because there mum or dad are on the insurance as a second car.

How come Obama will now allow the same insurance coverage that he was against before?

If you like your health care plan, you'll be able to keep your health care plan, period""

Insurance when financing a car ?

What is it called when the dealership , covers your insurance for a day or so and lets you take the car until you get insurance on the car.""

If a 16 yr old totals her new kind of expensive car how much will insurance go up?

what if the car was already paid off would that matter

Car insurance estimate dispute?

I recently was bumped into in my parking lot and am trying to settle with their insurance company for how much the repair fee would be. I took it to one place and it was around $2100 with damage to both the front and back door (they said the front door would need to be replaced). I spoke with their insurance company and they said I needed to take it to their place to have an estimate. I took it to their place, and the guy asks me if I was going to have it repaired their or somewhere else. I told him I would get it repaired somewhere else, which meant I would get a check he told me. He inspected it and told me that there was a 50-50 chance it would need to be replaced on the front door so his estimate was only for $1300. He said if I go get it fixed and they say it is more, that their insurance will pay the difference. This sounded to me like they are trying to say if you want the cash you only get $1300. What should I do? Should I try to negotiate with their insurance company for the difference or get more estimates that say I would need the new door? I would like the check, but I feel like I am getting ripped off since it would take more to actually fix it more than likely.""

""How does car insurance in Ontario, Canada work if deductibles are involved?""

Maybe I'm missing something here, but the way it's been explained to me is this: I've got a $500 deductible on my policy. If someone backs into my parked car, this will be deducted from the payout I get for repairs. OK, let's say the damages amount to $900. That would mean that because of MY $500 deductible, the payout to me would be $400. I'd have to pay the other $500 out of pocket to repair my car. The insurance company would then reclaim that $400 from the other guy's insurance company. Now, if the other guy also has a $500 deductible (very likely), then he'd have to pay $400 out of pocket. That seems wacked to me. Someone damages my car, and he has to pay LESS than I do for the damages. Am I missing something?""

If information on your insurance is wrong.?

if there is a mistake on your insurance say for the length of time you have passed your test or if you have penalty points what will happen if you gave false information will you be found out when applying for a quote or will the insurance company say nothing until you try to claim? Will they take your word for it until you try to claim? or will they pull you there on the spot or will they give to u then ring the police?

How much will my Car insurance go up?

I hit a car in Los Angeles and I have State Farm. The guy I hit drives a range rover and all I did was scratch his driver's side door. The body shop wants $1200 to repaint the door, which I think is insane. I would pay cash, but $1200 is a lot of money. Does State Farm have accident forgiveness, or will my premium go up if I claim this on my insurance?""

What are some of the cheapest cars to insure for a 16 year old boy?

I'll be getting my license in less than a year from now. I wanted to know what cars are cheap to insure. I don't want a crown vic, I don't want an unreliable car that constantly breaks, and I don't want an unsafe car such as a hyundai accent, chevy cavalier, etc. I want a sturdy car that can withstand an accident, no full size, preferably compact, but I'll settle for mid-size. I was thinking of a saturn because they're cheap and reliable. Or a Ford focus or ford contour. I also want to know if a ford escort is safe and reliable, cuz they seem like good starter cars. Out of these types of cars I've talked about, What makes and models are good? It doesn't have to be what I listed, and I'd like a list or a few cars that are cheap to insure.""

How much car insurance does a 18years old guy has to pay per month in UK??

I am 18years old i wanna buy a car..lets suppose if i buy a cars that worths about 5000pound how much insurance will i have to pay per month?

Taking a car off your insurance?

My sister is taking my car off her insurance and she says I still have to pay the $88 that I owe her every month. She cannot cancel the insurance until she has the tags, I sent her the tags yesterday and she'll turn it in before the first (the date I usually give her the money). So now I have no car to drive, do I still have to give her the $88 if she turns in the tags before the first? Please help. She's the type of person who will take as much money as she can from you, I do not know anything about insurance and she uses that over my head.""

Is American Family Insurance a good insurance company?

Currently I have State Farm on my car and EMC on my house. I found out I would save money if I switched both insurances to American Family Insurance. I was wondering if this would be a good choice?

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

the uninsured and the affordability of health insurance coverage dubay

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/vermont-accident-insurance-company-ryan-holmes/"

[awesome-legendarystudentcho-blog]

Adding child to car insurance policy?

"Adding child to car insurance policy?

I was looking up insurance for myself its 900+ for six month which I expected but if my mom adds me to hers will it be any cheaper?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Don't give me because it costs too much and they cant afford it. I think it's the price of having a car. You wouldn't get a car and say well tires are expensive, I can't afford them you just need them. The point of insurance is to be able to afford to fix any damages you may cause to another driver's car or person. If I wrecked someone's car I would certainly want the other person to be able to get their car fixed or replaced. And if there was injury I wouldn't want someone else saddled with huge medical bills because of a mistake I made. Is that just me?""

If you have fully comp insurance can you drive any car?

Basically my friend and I are having an argument - she says I can drive her car and vice versa as we both have fully comp insurance?? But I think you need to be a named driver to drive a car. Also if you don't have fully comp but the car your driving does is that still legal 2? Many Thanks

I am looking for a company that will help me sign up for dentical and healthy family insurance as a provider?

Can anyone help me sign up for dentical. I would like to provide service to dentical and healthy family patients in my area. I am a dentist in northern california. I am looking for a reputed company that will help me with this process. I really want to help the children in my community.

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i am looking to buy a 2001 ford explorer sport and was wondering if someboy wouldnt mind telling me their average yearly insurance payments?

How much insurance company will raise my rate after a car accident?

My car bumped into a car at a parking lot and caused minor rear bump crack. And I called my insurance company to report a claim. Right now my rate insurance is $420/year. I would like to to know how much my insurance company will raise my rate when I renew it next year.

Good insurance for a small liquor store/market in Los angeles county?

I am looking for a good commercial insurance company for my newly purchased small liquor store/market in southern California. It's a tiny 850 sqft store. I am looking for one that is reputable & lower price. Anybody know? What kind of coverage should I get? approximate cost? best most helpful answer gets full points!

Insurance wise is a 89 firebird a sports car?

Does geico consider a 89 firebird a sports car?

Liability Insurance for Kids?

What is the most important liability insurance for young people?

Is MetLife auto insurance any good?

I qualify for Metlife group auto insurance from my employer and thinking about switching to it.

Your car is stolen insurance company declares write off then its found?

What happens when your car gets stolen so you report it to the insurance company after 30 days the car hasn't been found a couple of weeks later its found what happens?

For what reason would i not qualify for unemployment insurance in California?

i was recently let go from work. so, for what reasons could i not qualify for unemployment insurance? and for what reason could i qualify for it?""

I drive without insurance and got a speeding ticket ...?

Okay guys, I'm in a very tough situation right here. & before I get to the question, Yes I know I was stupid and I have learned my lesson. Okay, I'm 18 years old and had my license for almost a year now. My dad lets me drive his car (which is under his and my moms name) ... he knows I don't have insurance and still lets me drive (I guess it's because he's too cheap at the moment) ... One day I was coming back from college and got on the interstate to get home faster. Speed limit was 55mph but I ended up going 78mph (I live in Virginia by the way) ... Luckily the cop didn't mark me for reckless driving, just speeding. I showed him my registration and stuff during the time I got stopped but he didn't say anything about me having no insurance. I checked online and my fine is $200 for speeding ... My question is whose insurance will go up?? I don't have insurance ... will I get in trouble? I didn't tell my dad yet because he'll kill me. Thanks.""

Do you know that 30 million working poor will be able to get health insurance under the affordable care act?

But only if the law stands. http://eclectablog.com/2012/06/18-reasons-the-affordable-care-act-is-the-greatest-achievement-for-the-middle-class-since-medicare.html

If im a named driver on a car what isnt mine do i need my own insurance or can i drive it along as im named?

if im a named driver on a car what isnt mine do i need my own insurance to drive it or can i drive it along as im named on the policy??

Around how much would car insurance be if im under 21?

Like if i go under my parents insurance, how much more would it be? Thanks :)""

Car for teenager. please help?

So I'm really interested in the 2012 Mercedes slk350. Its 499 a month but how much would insurance be? My parent make about 200k a year but will they be able to afford that? I really want this car but i need to know what the average insurance for a teenager is.. thank you so much for your help

How much would it cost a new driver in the UK for car insurance?

I am thinking of getting a 12 year old ford fiesta. I am 24 years old and I'm a new driver. How much would it cost me for car insurance?

""I am 17 years old and don't have health insurance, what do I do?""

I am 17 years old and don't live with my parents. I am living with a friends Aunt while I attend college. Because I don't live with my parents I can't be on their health insurance, I've been ill and worried but avoiding the doctor because any medications would cost a fortune. All my prescriptions used to only be $15 now they are dramatically raised. I don't have a job either. What do I do? Is there any type of thing I can qualify for? Any feedback would be much appreciated!!!""

Average Insurance Price For 08 Ninja ZX10r?

I am 21 years old and was thinking of buying a new zx10. Its 999 cc's, i dont have any violations within 3 years i have a garage and practically no crime neighborhood. The reason im asking is ive done 4 online quotes and they are all like 500 a month which is impossible to afford. Im just looking for the least possible amount if any one has any helpful info id appreciate your feedback.""

I need Auto Insurance help!? (there are too many options!)?

I have auto insurance now but i think i rushed into it last year. My time is coming to either renew are go elsewhere. When looking for insurance, what should i look for? Im new(ish) in the auto insurance industry so please any advice would be helpful!""

""Where can a 17 year old teenager find the cheapest, most affordable car insurance in North Carolina?""

I'm 17 years old. I have a 1995 Toyota Camry and I'm currently looking for affordable car insurance since my parents told me that I'm responsible for finding/paying my car insurance. I am a senior in high school and work part time, making around $160-$280 every paycheck (EVERY TWO WEEKS). I really need help!!!!! Thanks for listening!""

Does Texas have a state health insurance for children?

In NY we have child health plus which is inexpensive & if your income is low it is free of charge.

What type of car insurance coverage do you have?

So, I just bought a new car, and when I called my insurance to switch over my policy the agent tried to sell me this that and the other, saying I really needed all these things since I have a new car now. Just wondering what other people have on their car, and have you ever needed more coverage then you had?""

Where can i find a cheap car insurance?

i live in UK from 2011 and i am self employed. i have a very cheap vauxhall and i pay nearly 2000 a year on car insurance. i want to have a second car to be clean and for social use only but i will need to pay an extra 1000 per year. i am 27 years old and have 5 years EU driven licence. can you advise me in any way?

In the state of Florida do I need to have insurance before I can get my license?

I am 19, I've had my permit for 3 years now, and I would like to know if I need insurance in order to get my license and if I need to take the road signs, and rules test again?""

Adding child to car insurance policy?

I was looking up insurance for myself its 900+ for six month which I expected but if my mom adds me to hers will it be any cheaper?

Should I go without health insurance for a year?

Next month I am about to go through open enrollment through my employer. This year health insurance was expensive. The took about $120 out of my pay check. To get more income next year, should I skip health insurance for at least one year.""

Will tint ticket show up on insurance? not talking about increasing rate?

This question is not asking about if my rates will go up! i know its a non moving violation. I was driving my dads 911 turbo and i got stopped for illegal tints. I barely drive car this btw. my dad does not want his insurance company to know his son drives his car for obvious reasons. my question is will a ticket like this show i was driving this car? do insurance company's even look at non point tickets ? thanks!

What auto insurance covers for pizza delivery?

i just got a pizza delivery job, but my insurance won't cover it, and she said that most if not all auto insurances do not cover it.... obviously people deliver pizza, what company covers pizza delivery?""

Whats the cheapest insurance company to go with?

Whats the cheapest insurance company to go with?

Car insurance cost for a 17 year old male?

My son is fixing to get his drivers licence and I've been told by people that it is very exspensive for him to have insurance. Can anyone tell me the average a young new driver has to pay ?

Insurance help when modifying a car?

hi im thinking about doing my vauxhall corsa c up its a 03 plate. at the moment im insured on my uncles buisness fleet. which is very cheap for me as im 17 nearly 18. question.. will i need to tell my insurance about modifiying my car. and will it go up?

""Just paid off my car! I want to lower my car insurance, advice?""

I just paid off my car and I want to lower my car insurance, but I'm not sure how to go go about it. I still want to maintain good coverage but not pay for so much. I'm a 27 year old male, with a good driving record. I would just like some advice on what coverages I could lower or get rid of and still have myself covered. Thanks""

When buying a car how many days do they give you to get insurance on it?

how does that all work? im going tueday to get financed for this car i already know i can get it i just have to sign some papers but im wondering how does the whole car insurance thing work because i know you have to have full coverage insurance. play it out for me tuesday i go to the dealership to sign some papers and then... i drive the car home?... when and how do you go about getting the title put in your name, getting insurance on the car... so on and so forth.... thanks its my first time and i dont want to be as clueless as i am right now when i go to buy it haha""

What insurance company in America is insuring Smart Cars?

I have a 2007 Smart and my insurance has recently informed me that they will not renew my coverage because of the type of car that it is.

Is buying a sports car going to completely destroy my insurance rates?

Quick run down - I am 22, I work full time, go to school part time, I've had multiple tickets on my record but they were all 2-3 years ago and I will refinance my insurance to deal with that later. Currently I drive a '98 Toyota Corolla and my insurance is $3000 a year (tickets). I am planning on buying a Mazda RX-8 coupe this summer. Will this completely murder my insurance costs? I have Allstate. How much would this really affect my insurance, given my situation. Roughly?""

'ensure' vs. 'insure' - meaning and correct usage?

Is there any difference between these words?

I looked for insurance quotes at progressive.com.?

At the end, I received a quote from Progressive and also 3 other leading competitors. I also received a quote from Progressive Direct which is lower than Progressive quote. Does anyone of you have insurance from progressive direct? What makes it different (and hence lower) than the actual Progressive quote?""

How does health insurance work in the USA?

I wanna visit but I keep hearing crazy stories of how going to a hospital makes you bankrupt :/

Teens: Do you pay for your own car insurance?

If so, how do you pay for it? How long do you work for and how much do you have to pay for your insurance? Just wondering :) and if you want what type of car do you have?""

Use my insurance to pay for high repair costs?

My vehicle was vandalized and due to that I have Many scratches and dents to the sides of the car. My insurance estimate 2100$ worth of repairs in which I pay 300$. Initially the representative told me that my insurance would not go up monthly because I don't have a.bad history of claims n the incident was not my fault. But that was before they appraised the car so now they would have to give me 1800$ and im.not sure whether I should go through the insurance or not I don't want to affect my monthly payments. Any suggestions?

Hyundai tiburon insurance?

I am looking for this car to be my first car. I live in Washington and I have a 3.5 GPA (my insurance company told me this would help), and I'm a female. How much would it cost to get car insurance, per month. Is it a sports car? I was thinking of getting the 4 cylinder, 2.0 engine, if that makes a difference. I also have State Farm if that helps.. Thanks!""

Farmers insurance song?

What's the song from that farmers insurance commercial were there doing the driving simulation with distractions?

Will my auto insurance rate go up? (Ontario)?

I got a ticket for making an illegal U-turn (2 demerit points). I am an occasional driver with a G license. My insurance is with Allstate. Will my insurance rates go up? Let me kno if you have any experience with Allstate, like if you got a ticket (what was it for?) and if your rates went/didn't go up (how much?). Thank you""

Is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22?

In Tennessee, is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22? I already have minimum coverage but am now required to get an SR22. Is this something that needs to be added on or will minimum coverage suffice? Thanks.""

Gettting car insurance for more than one car?

si my big brother has a BMW series 3 and got the insurance done for it through my dad i've not long passed my test and have been ask to buy a MG TF and was wondering would i still be abel to get insurance through my dad as well even though my big brother had insurance through him for his car?

""For insurance, will a total loss raise my future insurance rates more than a repair? Any idea by how much?""

I filed a claim on my motorcycle, I have read you can do some negotiation in terms of if your bike is considered a total loss versus just needing repair -- EG telling them that certain damage is inconsequential towards the vehicle's safety and it's something you don't care about -- like maybe one small scratch on an otherwise fine fairing, or by getting your own estimates from shops to contest their estimates. I was just wondering what the longer term consequences on my insurance rates might be for it being repaired or considered a total loss.""

I need to get rid of my car because the payments are way to high and insurance sucks?

I bought a 2003 Toyota Avalon a little more than a year ago from a dealer. I put 7000 dollars as a down payment and now am paying 240 a month for 60 months. Its getting kind of hard to pay off the car now with all of the costs going up. The total price of the car was 15000 and I got a bumper to bumper warranty for 5 years/100,000 miles when I bought it at 35,000 miles. The car now has 54.000 miles. How do I trade it in for a car that would cost me less than 200 a month Thanks""

Is their any where that can calculate the average price of car insurance without details?

I just want to calculate the average cost for car insurance without the hassle of putting in my personal details being that it will be at least 2months till i get my licence.

Car insurance?

i am 17 and have been driving about a year and a half i go to marine boot camp in july is there any way i can cancel my insurance and keep my license until i get done with all my training. Live in North Carolina

A few questions about health insurance (recent college grad still on parent's insurance)?

I asked a similar question yesterday but realized I was a bit vague. So, here's my situation. I am a recent college grad working a job that does not offer me health insurance, and I receive excellent coverage under my parent's plan. I recently went to a job interview for a position that offers insurance, but I would have to pay a pretty large chunk of change for it monthly ($500+, which is a lot if you're working an entry-level position), and the coverage isn't nearly as good as my current plan. (For example, I currently pay $3 for a three month supply of my prescription. The new plan would charge me $30-90 for the same amount pills). I saw a clause in the Affordable Health Care Act that said I would only be able to do this after January 1st, 2014....I really wish this went into effect in 2013 instead! So, my questions are: Can I opt out of this insurance and remain on their plan? If I were to take this job and the insurance plan, would I be able to re-enroll under their plan if I stopped working at this place and worked at a place that didn't offer insurance? (I'm under 26, and my family's plan covers both my parents and another sibling)""

Adding child to car insurance policy?

I was looking up insurance for myself its 900+ for six month which I expected but if my mom adds me to hers will it be any cheaper?

Cheap car insurance for young drivers?

Where can i get cheap car insurance? I'm now 18, and I did use to drive a 1.2 Renault Clio, but I had to sell it, because the insurance was so high. I've been looking at other cars with small engines, and I have been using price comparison sites, but the cheapest quote I ever got was 3000 (and have done Pass Plus too!!) Is there any way to make insurance cheaper, or is there any insurance companies, that specialise insurance for young drivers with Pass Plus? And is there any other ways to make quotes cheaper? Please help :)""

Where do you get a semen analysis performed in southern California without insurance? ?

I have looked all over the Internet! !! We live near orange county and la county he has no insurance. Please help! !!

Is car insurance cheaper for a 2 seat car?

I heard a 2 seater car has cheaper insurance. Does anyone know how true this is?

Car insurance?

Does your car insurance have to be under the title holder's name? And as far as that goes...does the title have to be in the name of the person with the loan? If it does, can there be another person on the title who isnt part of the loan?""

Car insurance question?

i was just wondering...if you chose to pay off car insurance all in one do you pay it off as soon as you get insurance or do you pay after the year is over ?

Which car insurance can i get ONLY GAP INSURANCE!?

I wanna switch insurance company bec I got cheaper quote but they don't offer gap insurance. Agent suggested to go find an insurance company where I can purchase only gap insurance, might still be cheaper if I purchase my full coverage insurance from him plus the gap insurance from another company vs my current one. thanks!""

How much car tax and insurance on a limousine?

Does anyone know how much road tax you pay on a limousine? 1998 model. Also, an idea of insurance cost for a 30 year old man with a clean license to drive it. Thanks :)""

Best public health insurance plan in nyc?

I've been traveling after college and won't go back to school for another year. I've been volunteering only and haven't worked for over a year. I don't qualify for ...show more

Estimate how much car insurance would cost?

I just need a ball park estimate: I am 19, female, first time driver. I would have a used Geo Metro from the mid 90's. I can't get on my parent's insurance. Can you give me an approximate range on how much I'd have to pay for insurance?""

""Out of a mini one, mini cooper, fiat 500 and Rav-4 ?

Ok so this is my first car and these are all the cars I like and can get. So could someone plz tell me which is cheaper insurance for a 17 yr old girl and which is cheaper on petrol? Thank you xox

Car insurance and roommate with DWI?

I mentioned to a friend of a friend that he could stay with me for a few months to get back on his feet. He will be getting unemployment checks and he is overall pretty clean. However, he recently mentioned that he has no car insurance, because his premiums are too high, since he has had six prior DWI offenses. Someone told me that my car insurance premium could go up by him simply living in with me. Is that true? He currently lives in Wisconsin, which does not require insurance. However the state I moved to does.""

Need the names of insurance companies for commercial trucks...NOT brokers...thanks?

Need the names of insurance companies for commercial trucks...NOT brokers...thanks?

Would a Dodge Ram Hemi truck increase my insurance costs?

I have a Jeep Patriot right now. The dodge ram 1500 is a 4X4, as well.""

How do i get health insurance...??

I want health insurance ASAP but i dont know who to contact or what would be the best company or plan....can anyone give me some advice???

How does car insurance work?

I got a ticket for not having endurance but the car i was driving (my dads) does. Can i just show proof of insurance to get the ticket off or does the insurance have to say my name in order to be taken off? Example:: In that case how do you explain road tests at the dps for driving license? They ask for insurance of the car your testing in but clearly its not in your name since you don't have a license yet they let you drive it. What happens in case of an accident? Will it not be covered since the person behind the wheel is not in the document? Can i take off the ticket or not? Or is car insurance all about the person behind the wheel? Isn't it supposed to be for the car no matter who is driving? Please explain if i got it all wrong and have to pay the ticket

Do I need additional Insurance when renting a car in the USA?

I have full car insurance in the UK. Does this cover me when I rent a car in the USA or do I legally have to take out further insurance?

Do I have to buy health insurance under Obama care?

I am a single mother 44 years old, I live with my 16 years old daughter in Colorado. I make about $ 24000 a year, my daughter and me are very health people and we never go to the hospital. We never buy health insurance before and have no idea about it. I heard under new law, I have to buy some kind of health insurance, anyone know which one has the lowest rate and how much we have to pay every month? many thanks.""

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old?

I know it all depends, but I'm talking on average, I live in the Manchester area and I've heard it depends on your area aswell?""

What a good car insurance for a teenager?

Okay I'm 16, almost 17, I'm in drivers ed, I have my own truck. I live in Vermont, I get average grades in school, what is a good car insurance, that also has sorta low rates (I make around $500 a month)""

How can you add an illegal alien to your car insurance? Where?

I have a girlfriend who happens to be an illegal alien. I am a legal U.S. citizen living in California. She owns a car (under someone elses name) and the time is coming when she will have to go to the DMW and reregister it. She wants to transfer the ownership to me but still drive it herself, which I will have no problem with as long as she agrees to pay all costs associated with using the vehicle (an agreement I will get in writing). However, she dosn't want to give her information to any insurance companies because shes afraid the Feds will find her out and deport her back to Mexico. Is their any way I can buy an insurance policy for my new car and add her to the coverage without giving the insurance company her name and and other information? Say, some policy that covers me and any other driver that happens to use the vehicle? If so, what company should I sign up with?""

Primerica life insurance help!!!?

ok well i was currently covered under Primerica untill Febuary, when i was terminated due to non payment. What are the steps that Primerica takes to reinstate a policy.""

How much will my car insurance go up with a speeding ticket?

I'm 17 and I caught a speeding ticket tonight. I was going 11 mph over the speed limit. I thought I was driving in a 70 speed zone, but it was 65. How much will my ticket and insurance cost?""

Insurance for a 17 year old on a ninja 250?

hey im looking at getting a ninja 250r for a first bike. i choose a 250 because it is cheap, cheap to keep up, i could work on almost every job myself, it wont do a wheelie at 90 and kill me, gets 65 mpg highway, and is still as quick as a z28 0-60. what would the insurance be on a little 250 for an almost 18 year old with a perfect driving record, and almost all major discounts ( good student...etc)? i know you cant say for sure but would it be a doable amount since it is just a 250, or is it going way too much cuz im a teen?""

Where to find good car insurance for 17 year old boy and a decent car to go with it?

hi im 17 year old boy, just passed my theory test, i have around 1500 for a car, but the insurance is so high, best quotes ive been getting are around 4000 on corsa's and clio's , do u know where i could get cheaper insurance, or an alternative car that will have cheaper insurace, i dont like KA's or micras or cars like that, HELP PLEASE""

Who do you trust more? An Insurance company? or Obama?

The right wingers will chose blindly! But think about this! Prior to the Affordable Healthcare Act, how many times in a row, year after year, did your health insurance coverage go up. For me, it was every year for as long as I remember. Never did my insurance premium go down. But for some reason, everyone is up in arms because a few people, a small percentage have rate increases. But they also get more coverage, better policies, and some can get insurance for the first time.""

Adding child to car insurance policy?

I was looking up insurance for myself its 900+ for six month which I expected but if my mom adds me to hers will it be any cheaper?

How much will car insurance cost a teenager?

I will be getting my license in August and I was wondering how much insurance will cost me. My parents have AAA. I know there are a few factors that change the cost. I have good grades ( i know that is a factor) I will not buy a new car, but rather a safe older car (probably late 90s) How much will car insurance realistically cost me both initially and annually? I live in California and I am 16""

HELP me on Auto insurance...?

Sooo when i get a car im curious about how much insurance would be a month...obviously i'll be 18 pretty soon..and am planning on buying a scion tc most likely 2005-2007...around how much do you think monthly the insurance might be?

What is north carolinas cheapest car insurance company.?

What is north carolinas cheapest car insurance company.?

How much will my insurance be on a BMW 114i?

Ow much will my insurance be roughly on a brand new BMW 114i 25K, I'm 17 yrs old and I think this car is a 1.6l, please tell me how much the insurance will be for me, I need a price with and without my parents added to the policy, my address is 2, bd8 0bw. 2012 plate 3/5 door hatchback Petrol""

Can other people drive my car with my insurance?

I am going on a road trip with a friend but I don't want to drive the whole way. I have AAA insurance, will it cover my friend if she drives my car part of the way? She has state farm insurance if that makes any difference.""

Car insurance does anyone know of an inurance company that is both cheap and reliable?

having had a dispute with my insurance company i was advised by the office of fair trading to cancel my car insurance policy and reclaim I only own a small car and having searched the internet i find that i can not find insurance for less than 500. Does anyone know of a reputable insurance company that is cheap and reliable?

Workers compensation insurance in Kentucky?

My friend works for a company and recently they have been taking out extra money from his check. I am talking about $200-$400 a week depending on how many hours worked. When he asked about it, he was told it was workers comp. Should he have to pay for this or is it his employers responsibility to hold this insurance on the employees. He have worked for this company for more then 10 years and this is a first.""

What is the cheapest life insurance a 66 year old man from california can get?

My dad is currently with AAA, signed up for life insurance for the first time, this month... he is paying 350 a month which is making it hard for him to have money for food. I'm looking for a cheaper plan for him. No health problems.""

How much is audi a4 insurance?

i am 18 years old looking at buying a 2003 audi a4 and wanted to know how much the insurance would cost me. I have a clean driving record and good grades.

I need help and info on car insurance and registration?

Ok im a 19 year old male that has never been in any car accidents with a clean record. My parents dont want to help me with all this car stuff so i need help. I bought a used 1993 honda civic del sol s. And i only got the title of the car but Now im lost. I dont know what to do next. I know i need insurance but i want to know how much money i need to get insurance. How much will i be spending in order to have the car all ready to drive? Can someone give me the steps listed of what i have to do and in what order? And how much money will i be having to pay? Can someone give me an estimate? Im short on cash. I had 4100 dollars and the car i bought was for 3000 i have 1100 dollars left for the rest of the things i have to do. I want the car on my name. And also i heard my car has to be inspected before i get insurance. Can someone just explain everything to me? Im so stressed and confused

Hi im an 18 yr old male and have my permit but want to get car insurance whats my best bet?

i dont have a car, 18 yr old male, have a permit, CANNOT be put under my parents insurance.""

Am i stuck paying for my teens car insurance if their father doesnt want to pay it?

We both have joint physical and legal custody and we both live in california.

Will my drivers insurance rate go up after this accident?

Im 17, live in California and am insured under Geico. I was driving in a parking lot going the speed limit and this girl back out super fast (presumably without looking) and slams into me. Her car was fine but she left a small dent and paint chip near the door and rear tire opposite the drivers side. Will my rates go up even if I wasn't at fault? Should i even go to insurance on this? Please help!""

How much is liability insurance?

I am going to be a new driver soon and I will be driving a 4x4 dodge single cab truck and I live in missouri and was wondering how much liabillity insurance would cost per month? Thanks!

Insurance wise is a 89 firebird a sports car?

Does geico consider a 89 firebird a sports car?

Whats the best auto insurance for new drivers?

Newly 20 year old and trying to be on her own and independent. Im currently under my grandparents insurance(GEICO). I believe i got a good deal with Nationwide which would be 274.00 a month with full coverage and rental... Im looking to buy a 2008 infinti G37 sports coupe for $26,000< so excited about it hopefully i get it. I just wanted to know what should i be looking for in auto insurance... i def. need full coverage because im going to be financing the car..Correct? but yeah what are some things should i look for. i would ask my family members but they are stubborn, when it comes to things like this... but thanks!!! :)""

""Hi, I'm 20 and 6 weeks pregnant. Insurance problems?""

Medi-cal won't let me file an app b/c I'm not 21, And my mother doesn't qualify for me. I make 900 a month with car payments ins. Anyway I don't have money to buy insurance. Planned Parenthood told me my edd, and gave me the positive test. I haven't seen a doctor, and I don't know what to do? I live in CA are there any suggestions?""

Is ICBC Prejudiced against young drivers a 120$ a month insurance rate cars?

I am a young drivers just starting out and I drive just like anyone else, I don't consider my actions dangerous why is it though I must pay premium prices if I drive well. These rates only adjust after driving for a longer time. it can be that of statistics ? I know that amount a month for insurance alone is exorbitant and when I ask older drivers some say they pay around 50$ a month. Are there other licensures in BC for licensing for driving a car, perhaps much cheaper than ICBC ?""

What is the best web-site to get insurance leads from?

mostly health leads, but some life leads""

Do Americans want Gov't run healthcare like medicaid and medicare or do they want affordable health insurance?

Do Americans want Gov't run healthcare like medicaid and medicare or do they want affordable health insurance?

Liability Insurance?

I only have liability insurance and I was told by a friend they don't cover accidents. even if its not your fault. now that sounds like b.s I was involved in a wreck today and it was NOT my fault. what do i get. and also what other benefits do you get with insurances. not benefits but like. what willt hey cover or not cover

Need Insurance?

I am buying a new car and have to get insurance. Any suggestions on good and cheap companies?

Will I get any insurance money?

Today I was driving down the road and a shelf blew off the back of a truck in the opposite lane and hit the SUV behind it then it came into my side of the road and put two holes in my hood. The truck drove off but the lady in the SUV gave me her number and tried to find the truck but couldn't (after checking on me she went looking for it). The only problem is I only have the minimum for car insurance so i don't know if I will get any insurance money to help pay for the damage. Thanks for the help!

If I ask my insurance company to fix my car will my premium increase?

I'm a beginner driver and I have my first car and a new insurance. Today I hit a standing car. My car requires some body work and the other car was not damaged at all. There was no police report filed. I'm 24 and single. I appreciate your help.

How much insurance for a Mustang?

i'm 16 years old, female, and am wanting to get a 2000 year GT Mustang. My insurance company is Farmers with full coverage and they do discount for good grades.. I live in California. How much is a monthly payment for insurance on this car?""

Adding child to car insurance policy?

I was looking up insurance for myself its 900+ for six month which I expected but if my mom adds me to hers will it be any cheaper?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-insurance-question-simon-kinch"