#also i was able to come home and watch it with the fam and it truly was such a special moment for us all

[asky22]

The way the Giggle episode healed my inner child's grief when it came to 10.

[obsessiveloveistheonlylove]

Hey, I've read your last yandere Bruce, neglected fam reader and it gave me an idea. What if instead of the reader wasting all that money or luxury, she saved most of it in a closed account and when Bruce bought the apartment she made him sign it in her name as a plan to when the right time comes or if she needs to, she will sell the apartment and use all the money she saved to leave to start over in another country. Imagine Bruce finding out when she reaches the point where she put her apartment for sale, or better, actually selling it to a friend or someone they know and actually leaving.

Yan!batfam with neglected!sister reader leaving the state/country

Anon your mind is fucking golden! I also thought of the reader having the apartment signed in her name just because Bruce wanted her to feel comfortable but I love the layers this adds.

Hopefully these couple of hcs are good enough while I work on pt 2. Also if anyone else has any questions about any other scenarios or certain characters feel free to send them in I'll try to respond whenever I have time and I write for any gender reader.

Word count ; 1073

Unedited

___

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ bruce is not happy with this turn of events at all. He wasn't expecting nor did he sense that this was going to happen, you didn't post about it or even reference moving on any of your social media apps which he lovingly stalks watches over to make sure you are content with your life and also because he likes seeing you happy and enjoying all the things he got you. And it hurts him a little that you didn't even say something to him … he knows you don't owe him that, not when your relationship is still in a fragile state but he's trying.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ he only figures out after someone in the fam(most likely dick) broke in dropped by your apartment and likely scared one of your friends shitless.. obviously both parties are shocked but your friend more so as they don't know who the hell just broke into their house, dick is shocked when this random person claims that he's trespassing in their home. After that awkward situation dick immediately reports back to Bruce about this over the comms and with some digging from Tim they're able to find out that you had sold the house and the exact date that you had, approximately a month ago. That sends off alarm bells for the entire batfam, where are you now?! It takes an hour or so of searching to find out exactly where you moved and when they do they can't decide what to do with the information.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚Alfred is the voice of reason in this family, he discourages the batboys from immediately doing everything in their power to bring you home, he advocated for you to live wherever you choose and says that it's your life and that the family cannot choose for you. Alfred loves you dearly you are basically his child he views you the way he views Bruce. He may be a yandere but he's a selfless one he truly only has your best interest in mind. His words are like a slap of reality for some of the Batfam mainly Tim, Steph and Jason all three of then become a lot more hesitant to go through with their plans to bring you home on the other hand dick, bruce, and damian are adamant that you aren't safe unless they can be nearby.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Nobody can come to a decision the night they find out and so they decide to sleep on it until they can come to an agreement the manor will be tense for a week or two at most before they spring into action, they will all eventually cave to their selfish needs even if some feel guilty for doing it. Alfred will sigh disappointedly but ultimately allow them to go through with their plans he only hopes you can forgive him for not doing more

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ you on the other hand will be left unaware to all that's going down you'd gotten a new phone and lived in a whole new state maybe even country! They couldn't bother you here. You were happier than you have been for a long time. Even if you missed your old friends you still tried to keep in touch over the phone.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ as for why you did this? It's likely the other batboys' faults, Bruce is annoying but he's not nearly as demanding of your time as the others, namely dick. Dick is insanely clingy once you're on his radar and he becomes aware of how much his neglect affected you mentally. The guilt for him was all consuming when he found out how much he hurt you and that he neglected you for quite literally no reason, you just didn't matter to him at the time. the thought now makes him sick, of course you matter, what the hell was his problem!! Dick would have constantly broke your boundaries by hugging and touching and cuddling you he feels like he needs to make it up to you by being a good big brother, even if that's not what you need anymore after all it's far too late you're already an adult but he refuses to see it that way you're still his baby sister. He inserts himself into your life constantly and even if he'll pay for things he'll only do so under the circumstances that the money be spent ‘together’ like sure he'll take you to that fancy restaurant but it's going to be made into a sister-brother bonding moment, like yeah he'll let you use his card to go shopping but only if he's going with you. Even if you don't use him for money he will still find ways to insert himself into your life. He's overwhelmingly intense and his behavior mixed with the other overbearing members in the batfam plus the added overwhelming feelings of having people who ignored you all your life suddenly want your time and attention is probably why you felt like you had to leave.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ you won't be gone for more than a month or two before your dragged back to Gotham and back to your family, only this time you've got a metaphorical collar around your neck as now you're likely brought back to the manor always under surveillance and on the off chance you're still allowed to own your own apartment again just know it will be heavily bugged along with your phone courtesy of Tim even if he feels bad about invading your privacy he knows they need to see your texts to make sure you're not planning to leave Gotham again. Oh and now the bat members will each take turn patrolling your house and following you from the shadows to make sure you're safe.

___

All in all I'd say you'll have your fun for a little while but ultimately you'll just drive them deeper in their obsession and they will likely kidnap and bring you home.

[14buddy22]

I BRING HOTCH FLUFF REQUEST!!!

Aaron getting hurt somewhat badly on a case and having to actually relax and recover at home?? Reader and Jack just pampering and spoiling him to the max because they’re rarely able to and Aaron learning to enjoy it and actually spend time with the fam while he can :,)

Thank you thank you thank you! I hope you like this <3

Aaron going head to head with an unsub and actually losing is rare. Well, he didn't actually lose, but he did take a tumble down the stairs before Derek managed to help Aaron in the fight.

And while Aaron took a tumble down the stairs, he smacked his head hard against the concrete wall. Not only did he have to get stitches, but he also had a concusion. On top of that, he had broken his arm and a rib, and twisted an ankle as well.

So, that put the strict unit chief out of commision for a while.

Taking Aaron home from the hospital, you helped him get out of the car. He swore it was fine but you refused to let him walk out by himself.

You raced out of your side of the car like you were a little kid going to get ice cream. As you grabbed him out of the door, you put you arm around him and helped steady his walk to your home.

Walking inside, you were met with Jess and Jack with a "welcome home dad" sign. While Jack was 12, he loved his father, and he raced to him to give him a huge hug.

When you walked Aaron over to the couch, you and him thanked Jess profusely. You watched as Jack clinged to his Dad's side, turning on a movie and pulling a blanket over them.

You started to cook dinner when you heard Aaron say, "Let me come help you."

Not in a million years were you going to let your injured husband cook dinner with you.

"No. It's my turn to spoil you. You take care of me and Jack when we get sick, now you're injured, let us take care of you."

You made dinner with ease, moving effortlessly around the kitchen. As you served Aaron dinner on the couch. You made a plate for Jack to eat next to Aaron.

Eating dinner with your 2 favorite boys in the whole world never got old. As Aaron was the Unit Chief still, there wasn't much time to have him around. You cherished every second you got to have with Aaron.

You knew the next 4 weeks were going to be great having him around. It's a blessing in disguise for you and Jack. You guys get to have Aaron all to yourselves. No interrupted nights, meals, or activities. He was yours and Jacks for 4-6 weeks.

The first week at home, Aaron was very reluctant to let you and Jack do anything for him. He wanted to do everything. He was a stubborn man, but one look from you and Jack and he immediately realized that instead of needing to do something for himself, all he needed to focus on was getting healthy for you and Jack.

You and Jack were always pampering him with whatever he needed. Snack? Jack knew which one Aaron would love. Blanket? You put those within reach of Aaron. Movie? You and Jack had a list of movies you two wanted to watch with Aaron.

While Aaron was gone most of the time, it was nice to soak up this time with Aaron. You guys are rarely able to have this time together. You think Aaron was starting to realize that. The way Jack clung to him every day, didn't want to go play with his friends as much, Aaron realized that while it sucked to get hurt, he needed this. He needed to spend time with his son, with his wife, he needed to relax. We all know relaxing isn't in his vocabulary.

Aaron couldn't help but fall harder in love with you. He was head over heels in love with you, but now you were taking care of him, and his son, the house, and working later at night when needed, he was amazed. He loved you.

As you laid down in bed next to him for the night, he pulled you in close, kissing you.

"Thank you. I know it's probably what you expected to use with your vacation time, but I appreciate you pampering me. I feel so loved in a way I've never felt loved before. I know we've been married for 2 years, and you love me every single day, but this is something new I haven't gotten to experience yet. Pampering me and making sure I'm okay. I love you so much. Please don't ever forget that."

"How can I forget, Aaron? I'm a Hotchner now."

He chuckled at your expression. Of course you were going to ignore his appraisal for loving you so much.

"Thank you. I was taking life with you for granted and never again will I do that. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me and all that comes with it. This time off has made me focus on myself and my family. The two most important things. Without me, there is no us. I'm gonna take care of myself, apply for the section chief job, work 9-5 and be home for you and Jack. I think at this time in his life, he needs me. I've also loved every minute of our family time together. And of course, staying on the couch and never having to move when I'm home. Might just fake an injury for the rest of my life."

You scoffed at that and pulled at the back of his head, away from yours.

"You wish Hotchner, but you're going to have to do ALOT of making up for this when you're cleared for strenuous activities."

With that, he leaned over, kissed you, and fell asleep shortly after he heard you softly snoring.

[look-at-the-soul]

Behind the scenes- Peaky Blinders (Part 1)

Cillian Murphy x reader

BTS master list

Request

A/N: I wrote this to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the series… right on time before this day ends! I had to cut it into two parts because it got a bit longer… there are no words enough to thank each of you (the peaky fam) for what writing and reading has given me. This little project is really really special and I want to thank @notyour-valentine for tagging me in this request a while ago, thank you for your generosity Val, there’s a little gift between the lines for you. And for the help you provided for another part related to horses♥️

But also @heidimoreton for creating this gorgeous moodboard to go with this story! And my dear @holacia3 for the help you gave me too about horses and @forbidden-forest-witch this is for your belated birthday and the little surprise♥️

Word count: 4,745

✨ Summary: Join us at the stables as Cillian gets riding lessons for his iconic role as Tommy Shelby in the series Peaky Blinders. He came to learn all about horses, but he ended up falling in love not only with them.

During his career, he had played several roles, learned how to walk on heels for Breakfast on Pluto, about space for Sunshine, even played a part in a film that was close to home in “The wind that shakes the Barley” about the historic war between Northern Ireland and Great Britain.

Acting was such a treat to calm -in a way- his hyperactive mind.

He preferred to not answer what he wasn’t willing to do for a role, because he’d probably do anything.

That included riding horses. Which, in reality he wasn’t a bit familiar with.

He had never even been close to one in his life. His driving skills were so poor, how would he fucking manage an animal that big?

Yet, here he was waiting in the living room of the horses sanctuary located in a remote place of England he had never heard before.

The sighting was breathtaking, the air so pure, no city noise, it was quiet, calm, everything he was looking for before the storm started, he had never been on a series before and the mental challenges of this character was the biggest of his entire career, he had never met a man as complex and with so many layers as this Tommy Shelby he had spent weeks reading, the internal turmoil this man has been through after the war wasn’t his only problem, his background included a household with lots of family problems, taking care of his younger siblings while stepping up to build an ilegal business and endless enemies that he would encounter along the way.

Cillian was greeted by the teenager behind the desk and asked him to wait because the trainer hadn’t show up that morning and she rushed to call someone else on a radio.

“Someone will be here shortly, can I offer you something to drink in the mean time sir?”

Cillian chuckled at the sir part.

“Water would be great.”

Turning around, he was able to see through the window, finding a woman galloping at speed and coming down from the horse without really stopping with just a jump.

Seconds later, the same woman entered the reception out of breath and walked straight to the girl.

“Your horse trainer called in sick again.” Cillian heard the teenager say.

“Thanks Willow, can you help me reschedule the appointment with the bank?”

“Sure, Y/N. Will you also reschedule his sessions?” The teenager pointed at him.

Until now, Cillian had only being able to watch her from behind; petite but lean frame, she had black tight pants, riding boots and a cream jumper on, her hair up in a high pony tail cascading on her upper back.

But when she turned around, Cillian was lost for words as the most angelic face met him.

And he wasn’t one bit religious.

“Mr. Murphy nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.” She offered her hand firmly along with a smile. “Our trainer isn’t available today, please accept my apologies could we reschedule?”

He stammered, not knowing what to say.

“Y/N, you could show him how to ride too.” The teenager proposed.

“I thought you’d be on your way to school young lady.” Y/N raised her eyebrows at the girl. God she was just like her aunt.

“Whatever, I was just saying.” Getting her bag, she stormed from behind the counter. “Should I tell aunt Val dinner is cancelled?”

Oh no.

She knew that look, it was the same her aunt would give her.

“Honey don’t tell your aunt anything.”

“Bye auntie! Bye Mr. Murphy!”

“Sorry, so? I think one of our trainers comes back from a horse fair on Saturday if that day works for you.”

Leaning on the counter, Cillian decided to take a risk. There was something about her.

“I’m in a bit of a hurry, would it give you a lot of trouble if you show me?”

“Not at all! I just thought you wanted a professional trainer that’s all.”

He smiled and for an instant, Y/N’s heart skipped a beat.

“Right, well… follow me this way.” She lead the way outside of the property. “Is this some kind of bucket list thing?” Mondays were usually quiet days at the sanctuary, nothing like the weekends when they were usually packed.

Cillian walked next to her, hands inside his pockets. Unsure about how much to reveal.

“I need to learn how to ride.” He chuckled a little, the script was phenomenal and he was extremely excited about it, but until now he wasn’t able to talk about the project.

Y/N guided him towards the stables, he had seen a few in movies or the telly, but being there in person, it was another story, it was huge and his heart got too excited as his eyes found the horses.

“Do you’ve a particular preference for a horse?” Y/N asked curious about the hermetic man before her.

“Racehorses.”

Y/N turned around slowly to look at him. There was a subtle accent different from his voice, but she brushed it away.

Cillian tried to clear his throat, aware of the voice tone he just used, he was still practicing the accent and mannerisms he had been building over this new character.

“Okay… I can’t let you ride a racehorse if you’ve never been on a horse.”

“Why not?”

“Look, horses are just like people, they’ve their own temper, feelings, the know when we’re scared or aggressive, we don’t mess around them… I’d suggest you start with a gentle horse first.”

“You seem to know a lot about them.” Cillian observed the way she was caressing one as they walked.

“I grew up in this place, my grandparents started this sanctuary, my mother was the only child and she kept the family business, then it was my time to take over.”

“How long have you been running this place?”

“Since I was eighteen.” Y/N admitted. “This is Sally, she’s a good girl.”

Cillian observed Y/N’s moves, the way she approached the horses. And she showed him the right way to caress the animal.

“Can I touch her?”

Bringing the hose to her by the muzzle, she giggled. “She says you can.”

“What else does she says?” It felt soft and he noticed the way Sally was moving her ears.

“That she doesn’t believe you, horses are one of the most intelligent creatures.”

Cillian chuckled, accepting the snack Y/N brought over. He was fascinated by the level of trust she showed with each animal, the way each of them reacted, it was so true, as he was noticing little differences in each horse as their own personalities, it was amazing and as Y/N shared more details about the place with him, he found it was impossible to keep lying to her, she had such an energy that was so inviting, giving him a lot of comfort.

Y/N introduced him to all of the horses, caressing each of them, mentioning little details about their personalities or a couple of qualities. She seemed to know them all well and Cillian was marveled by the way each horse behaved with her. Y/N spent a good amount of time explaining him some of the basics.

“I think I learned how to ride a horse before I started walking, all my childhood I was eager to get out of school to come home and run straight to the stables. They’ve been with me through my worst moments, they own such a healing power humans do not understand about, they’re pure creatures… sorry, I’m boring you.” She mumbled feeling her cheeks burn.

“Not at all, I find it fascinating… the way you talk to them and about them, it’s magical.”

“Y/N! The foal is coming early!”

Y/N’s face went blank they still had a few week left. Turning to Cillian she apologized, but she needed to be there, so she asked Jonah the guy how took care of the saddles to show Cillian around while she was gone, but it could be hours.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine, I’m staying at the small bed and breakfast that’s close.”

And he saw her run out of the stables, Jonah explained to him they built a small facility to those special occasions. The boy around his early twenties showed him the racks full of saddles and other equipment they used, he was surprised by all of the things they had around to use with the horses.

It was until around nine o clock when Y/N came down from the stairs, after taking a long bath, she had been so tired helping in the delivery that she just wanted a cup of tea and head off to sleep.

“Jesus, what are you doing here?” She gasped closing the robe tight against her body, she wasn’t expecting to find Cillian sitting by the window.

“Well I asked if I could use the books you’ve here and they said it was alright.” He smiled gently pointing at the pile of books he placed on the table next to him, an empty cup in the corner.

“You’ve been here reading since I left the stables?”

He chuckled a little, not aware of the track of time, he had been reading. “Yes, they’re fascinating.” He debated himself whether revealing her the truth or not.

Y/N threw him a puzzled look.

“You live here? Upstairs I mean.”

She nodded. “Yes, the house was so big so I turned the first floor into the main offices, the kitchen is in the back if you need anything.”

“Thanks, I’ve been looking around at the portraits, hope you don’t mind.”

Just as Y/N was about to answer him, a loud thunder echoed through the property. it was so loud it felt like the house would come crashing down. The sound of droplets of rain against the windows followed right after.

“I’d love to stay and talk about the books with you but I really need to go.” Y/N explained just as she rushed upstairs to get changed when she came back down a few minutes later, he noticed her hair was pulled back in a loose braid, cascading down her back.

“Wait.” Cillian stopped her placing his hand on her arm, “can I come with you?”

She was unsure because of his lack of knowledge, but Cillian seemed to read her mind. “I promise to stay back.”

“Okay.” She nodded and offered a rain jacket from the small closet next to the door.

“Is everything alright?” Cillian asked her with curiosity after getting in her vehicle to protect themselves from the heavy rain.

“It’s one of my horses… he gets pretty scary of this terrible weather.” She explained absently, holding the steering wheel with such force that made her knuckles turn white.

“Tell me about him.”

“Thunder is… special, he was born on a night like this and I know doing this sounds ridiculous, but how can I stand there and do nothing?”

She looked at him for an instant, all of her feelings right there in the surface for him to see and read. Cillian nodded, fighting against the lump on his throat that formed after detecting the passion in her voice.

In silence, Cillian followed Y/N inside the barn rushing immediately towards Thunder.

“There it is my good boy.” She started caressing the horse by the muzzle, gently. The horse was extremely agitated. “Everything’s fine… just a loud noise, you know that.”

Cillian found himself staring at her, unable to look anywhere else, he was under some kind of spell.

“Shh, shh.” She held the horse by the curb rein, -he now knew some of the horsemanship-. “Listen to me, Thunder.”

Marveled by her tactics and control over the horse, he couldn’t help it but start whispering a Romany poem he recently learned as part of the script for the series he was working in. Locking eyes with the beautiful animal, he felt like time stood still, it was as if the horse was going through every layer of his mind and soul and the rest of his surroundings faded away. Eventually, the horse started to give in, coming to a calm state.

“What did you do?” Y/N asked squinting her eyes. “It takes me ages to calm him down.”

Cillian shook his head, realizing the deep connection with the horse was gone but it was impossible to explain that it wasn’t him… it was his character’s nature. It was in his blood.

“It’s a poem.” He admitted quietly noticing the storm was coming down.

“In a foreign langua-?

“Thunder!” A boy stormed through the barn directly in the horse’s corral.

“Arlo what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“I thought Thunder might get scared.” He argued, poking his head in to make sure the horse was safe.

“You’re not allowed to come here by yourself in the middle of the night.” She argued.

“But Muuuum!”

Cillian’s heart skipped a beat.

“No buts, Thunder is perfectly fine.” She transformed into a completely different person. “We’re going back to the house right now.”

“Who are you?” Arlo gave him a look, a serious one.

“I’m showing him to ride a horse, focus… on the truck now.” She then turned to look at Cillian. “The only road that could take you to the b&b is probably stuck, it would be better if you stay at the house tonight.”

He wanted to argue, but judging by the intensity of the storm, she was right.

“Sure, thanks.”

She touched the horse’s nose a few times before closing the gate. Cillian followed them in silence, still moved about what just happened with that horse.

“How long are you staying?” Arlo asked Cillian from the back seat.

“A week.”

“What’s your favorite horse?” The kid asked.

“Arlo, it’s late and Mr. Murphy is probably tired.”

He shook his head. “Just Cillian please and it’s fine.”

Y/N’s breath caught in her throat as she saw Cillian giving her a wink and tilting his head.

Parking the truck, Arlo flew inside the house, leaving a wet patch on the floor of his footsteps.

“Boots and bed.” Y/N instructed with a firm voice. “You can stop by tomorrow morning to meet the new Filly.” Cillian saw her kissing the top of the kid’s head and the hint of a smile spread on her lips. “Sorry about that.”

“He looks like you. Must be awesome to have them help you around.”

Y/N made a face. “Them?”

“Arlo and his father?” Cillian asked in confusion.

And now she was moving her head from left to right. “There’s no father around, he left us after learning I was pregnant.” Y/N looked towards the stairs where her son disappeared a few minutes ago, shuddering. “Can I offer you some tea? It’s cold.”

“‘M sorry… shouldn’t have assumed.”

Brushing off the topic, she started the kettle and Cillian went back to feel extremely comfortable around her. And considering the personal revelation she just shared with him, he needed to be honest in return.

“I’m working in a project that involves horses, but like such a real passion for horses.” He ended up confessing after meeting all of them.

“That sounds interesting.” She admitted but decided to not ask further.

“Yeah,” Cillian ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I need you to show me everything about them… please. I’m portraying a character that involves a man that used to be in love with them, horses are a huge part of this man’s soul, it’s for a BBC series.”

Y/N turned with two cups in her hands, her mind trying to register his words.

“I-I’m an actor.” Cillian revealed after an instant. “But I need you to keep this between us because I signed a confidentiality contract and I could get kicked out of it.”

“Goodness I’m sorry, thought I had seen you before but I couldn’t remember where,” an adorable blush turned her cheeks pink, “I hope you understand I don’t go to the movies a lot, my whole life is this sanctuary and my son…”

“Please don’t even say it.” He chuckled. “I actually prefer it that way.”

“I think the last movie I saw you in…” Y/N stared into the ceiling thinking about it, “was it Inception? Probably.”

Cillian smiled and he lighted the entire kitchen with it.

“Yeah.”

Pouring both cups, Cillian stood up to take them from her hands.

“So uhhm… this project? Why exactly do you need a racehorse?” She asked cautiously.

“My character is a bookmaker, he arranges races… it’s placed in 1919 so he moved around horses after World War I. It’s quite interesting.” Cillian raised his eyebrows in appreciation for the tea after taking a sip. “Fascinating actually.”

“Definitely sounds intriguing.” Y/N admitted leaning her elbow on the table.

“As soon as I started reading the script I was attracted into his world.” He smiled, revering when he got the call for the audition. “Sorry I don’t want to keep you up.”

“It’s fine, I’ll stay for a little longer checking some paperwork.” Her thumb rubbed a chip in her mug. “So would it be okay if I show you everything? From brushing the horse, how to hook the saddle? The way you should approach one?”

Leaning back, Cillian looked at her with his head tilted to the side. “I actually need to learn how to ride bareback.”

****

The following morning, Y/N was preparing the lunchbox for Arlo when a deep voice startled her.

“Good morning.” Cillian saw the little jump she did.

“Hello, did you sleep well?”

Nodding, he smiled in her direction. “Thank you for the accommodation, much better than the B&B.”

“So! I just came here to check the new-” Val announced from the front door just as Arlo stormed into the kitchen but she cut herself when she spotted a man in the corner, “horse, but I see you’re busy.” She replied looking at you. “Just wanted to say it’s highly approved by the comitee. Hello, I’m Val.” She greeted Cillian.

“Nice to meet you.”

“Val…” Y/N added as a warning, knowing how Val was.

“What? It fills all the requirements… great breed, elegance, experience.” She made an OK with her hand.

“Val.” Y/N repeated. “Arlo go or you will be late for school.” She kissed the kid goodbye and felt Val’s eyes on her.

Of course her best friend wasn’t talking about a goddamn horse!

“How about I see you later today? I’m about to get a bit busy.” Y/N asked, she needed to get her friend out of her house before she could keep talking about Cillian as if he was a horse. “We’ve a riding lesson about to start.”

“Have a great time at the barn!” Val gave her a look before leaving them.

After a quick breakfast, Y/N gave him a pair of high boots and introduced Cillian to the different tools they used with the horses.

“To check the heel, you have to take your horse from here.” Y/N showed him how to carefully bend the horse’s leg. “It’s important to let them know that you know what you’re doing. They’re very sensitive.”

Cillian watched intensely every single move she made, how her tone was soft while she had a firm grip on the horse. He couldn’t get to move his eyes from her as she used one of the many tools to brush the mare’s neck.

“They also love to get petted.” Y/N added as she noticed Cillian got quiet. “Would you like to give it a try?”

Finally snapping from his trance, he took the brush and tentatively started to brush the mare.

“She likes that.” Y/N encouraged him noticing the little noises Goldie was making.

“She’s beautiful.” Cillian complimented.

“One of the most gentle ones I’ve seen so far.” Y/N caressed the mare from the other side, giving Cillian space to get comfortable around Goldie. “Her owner, Cia is a great friend and client.”

“And I assume the name is because of the color?” Cillian asked with interest, toiling the soft texture of Goldie.

Y/N nodded profusely.

“She’s recovering from an injury so well, now just needs some rest and she’ll be able to go back on the road in no time.” Cillian noticed the way she whispered to Goldie, looking straight into her eyes.

And she showed him how to get Goldie saddled, adding important tips and tricks to do it right, how to do it properly. It took him a few tries to do it right, but Y/N was so patient, she even admitted that was a virtue she had to thank the horses for.

“Y/N I’m sorry for not coming yesterday.” A woman approached them. “They said I could find you here.”

“Brie don’t worry, is everything alright?” Y/N asked while she eyed Cillian from the corner of her eyes.

That’s when Bries’s eyes sparkled. “Yes! Oh! Y/N… I’ve something to tell you.”

Cillian didn’t even look at them, he was totally engrossed on Goldie, all of his senses on brushing the mare, carefully to not stand behind her just like Y/N instructed. She had been answering all of his endless questions.

“Brie what’s happening?” Y/N looked at her horse trainer with curiosity.

“I just found out I’m pregnant!” She explained with excitement, unable to contain it or hide it any longer.

Y/N pulled her for a tight hug. “Brie, congratulations! This is the best news.”

There were tears in her eyes. “That’s why I couldn’t make it yesterday, I got morning sick and stayed in bed all day. But everything is perfect!”

Y/N couldn’t be happier, by the corner of his eyes, Cillian noticed the genuine smile on her face.

“Okay, so how about you go into the office and help me with the paperwork? I will be in charge for the training from now.” Y/N wrapped her arm around Brie and gave her a tender squeeze. “Made some sandwiches, help yourself.”

“That’s delicious! I brought some chips because, well cravings!” She chuckled giving Cillian a quick glance, it had been ages ago when Y/N went to the barn to give riding lessons.

Turning again towards Cillian, Y/N noticed how good he was, and he learned fast. “You’re a natural.”

Cillian smiled pleased with his improvement, he couldn’t wait to get on the horse.

“Got the best trainer to teach me.”

As time was flying, she noticed it was almost time for Arlo to come back home. “Look, how about we take a break? I need to make lunch for my son but you can join us if you want.”

“I don’t want to disturb your dynamic, Y/N.”

Y/N shook her head. “Non of that.” After caressing the horse’s ears, she added; “come have lunch with us.”

Leaving the boots right next to Y/N’s, Cillian changed into his shoes as they walked into the kitchen, finding Brie with her back at them.

“I hope you don’t mind, I made some pasta.” She smiled at them. “Enough for all of us.”

“Brie you’re going to spoil me just like that baby with some delicious food all the time? I mightjustb open the guest bedrooms and rent them.” Y/N joked leaning over the pot, the smell made her stomach growl.

“Well given the financial circumstances that isn’t a bad idea.” Brie admitted.

“Congratulations.” Added Cillian from the corner of the kitchen.

“Thank you!”

“Mum! I’ve already chose a name for the filly!” Arlo’s voice resonated from the entrance.

“Hello, good evening to you too, can you show some modals please?”

“Hello!” Arlo went to wash his hands and started helping his Mum set the table, Cillian offered to assist the kid. “Do you like riding?”

Looking at him, Cillian nodded. “I’m hoping I won’t be an embarrassment.”

“It’s easy!”

Cillian chuckled at him. “You say that because you were born riding.”

“Are you friends with my Mum? Does it means you’re my friend too?”Arlo gave him a hopeful look. Cillian answered him with a nod. “She needs some.”

Catching the last part of the conversation only Y/N approached them with the food, Brie following her steps.

“I need you to not bother our guests.” She answered and disheveled his hair playfully.

“Y/N I was thinking on what you said.” Cillian looked at her cautiously. “If you want of course… I could pay you and stay here instead of the B&B.”

“Are you sure?” Y/N asked considering his offer.

He nodded. “I rather stay here and use the driving time from there to here and back in learning more.” Deep down he loved the familiar energy.

“Mum, say yes! I can show Cillian my cars collection!” Arlo suggested excited.

“Well, yes. How can I say no?” She accepted earning a round of happy chants from everyone.

By the end of the day Cillian learned how to get the horse saddled, it was so important to hold it firmly in place. But also he learned to listen to the horse, he needed to make sure the horse was comfortable. Y/N suggested they could go for a walk and take the horses, it was extremely important for Cillian to learn to control the horse while being on the ground first to then be able to ride one.

The following day, they spent a good amount of time working on showing Cillian how to get on the horse, it took several attempts. It was harder than Y/N made it look. But Cillian was determined to give all of him. And more than once, he found himself staring at her until she motioned him to get closer to have a better look and he’d snap out from his trance.

In just a few days he realized Y/N had a very kind heart judging by the way she treated the horses, she showed them respect and loved them with every fiber in her body. The work she did was admirable, being right there away from everything and everyone allowed him to really understand a fundamental part of his character.

By the third day in the facility, Cia paid Goldie a visit, she wanted to take her mare back home but Y/N suggested waiting a few more days until she was fully recovered. While Y/N walked Cia to her vehicle, Cillian decided to stop by Thunder’s corral.

“Hello! Is Y/N around?” Val approached him. “Arlo said she was here.”

“She went to walk Cia out after checking her mare.”

Val doubted whether to ask him directly or not, but she knew her friend better than anyone. “I hope you don’t find me or what I’m about to say rude… but I’ve seen the way you look at her, Brie says Y/N is smiling again, something she hasn’t done much apart from Arlo of course. Do you like her?”

Cillian took a step back, surprised by Val’s sharp eye. But he ended up nodding.

“Don’t look at me like I grew another head, I care about her but I also know she has been disappointed and hurt before,” Cillian looked down, not knowing what to do or say, “she likes you, secretly.”

Val’s words made him snap his head up to look at her.

“She does, I can see it in her eyes… so all I ask is give her time, slowly just like you would start riding a horse, you don’t go galloping after getting on them. She’s like a wild horse after getting kicked so many times, she acts on defensive mode but underneath she’s a softy.”

And just as she arrived, she left, leaving Cillian alone to face an avalanche to a door he closed because when he signed the contract for the Peaky Blinders series, he decided to end the relationship he was in and making the firm decision that he’d focus on this project only.

But sometimes, life has a different plan than yours.

“I came here willing to learn how to ride, but I think I’m getting so much more than that.” Cillian confessed to the thorough, extending his hand to caress the horse’s muzzle.

***

Part 2

A/N: Nothing, just THANK YOU! ✨♥️🚬🥃

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @gypsy-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @zablife @elk96 @heidimoreton @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @everythingelseisextra @kmc1989 @rangerelik @lovemissyhoneybee @ironpen @kittycatcait219 @shelundeadxxxx @speckledemerald @creativepawsworld

[mastercherry]

This is for my Buddie friends. My buddies, if you will.

I'm recently super in love with Eddie and Buck are already married when Buck joins the 118 and it just never comes up. Or they don't believe him. Or I don't know. It doesn't matter. Whatever the reason, the 118 fam and friends don't know that Buck is married. I've been reading fics like this recently. They're fun.

But there also aren't very many of them. So, first of all, if you have any recs, please send them to me.

Second of all, I had to come up with my own idea for something like this so keep reading to see what it is.

Trigger Warnings: canon typical violence and abuse (Maddie and Doug plus Buck), life threatening situations typical and atypical to the show, witness protection, Eddie potentially thinking Buck is dead so maybe tempory character death, and I think I'm going to make it where the Buckley parents are killed in a car accident or something. I would tag more things if I actually wrote this or anything.

So. Let's start at the beginning. Evan and Maddie Buckley are living with their parents when Doug comes into the picture. Maddie is so in love with him, it's a little concerning. At least, according to her parents. They are very adamant that she needs to stop seeing him.

She doesn't. She fights them tooth and nail to be with Doug. Her little brother Evan is torn between supporting her and agreeing with their parents. But he's young. He doesn't understand.

Sadly, their parents are killed in a car accident. Maddie fights to keep Buck and she's able to become his legal guardian. Doug becomes the dad Buck always wanted. For a while, it's good. It's great even. They're a small little family, but they're so, so happy. It's amazing.

Until it isn't. Until Doug shows his true colors. He gets so angry so fast. And might be young but he's not stupid. He knows that Maddie is hurting. So he starts acting out. When Doug is mad at him, he leaves Maddie alone. That's all that Evan cares about. If only he could do more. But for Maddie, he can at least be the one who ends up in the ER. Not her.

But Maddie can't let him keep doing this. She has to protect her little brother. They live in this horrible limbo for a few years until Evan is 18. He crashed his new bike that Doug bought for him. He's going to be so mad. He has to warn Maddie. Or maybe... maybe he can convince her to leave with him.

"You and me, Maddie. Come on. Let's go. Just the two of us."

And she wants to leave. She does. But she knows that Doug won't let them. Won't let her. But she agrees. She knows what she has to do. The next day, she watches him leave in the Jeep. She's battered and bruised, but watching him leave actually feels like a weight lifting off her chest.

Evan travels. He goes everywhere he can, trying to find somewhere he belongs. He worries about Maddie every day and sends post cards to her work so she knows he's okay. She holds onto them like a lifeline.

Evan eventually ends up in Texas. That's where he meets Eddie. Helping out on a ranch. It's hard work, harder than anything else he's done up to this point. But being there with Eddie actually makes it fun. He never wants to leave. He even gets invited over to the Diaz house where he meets a tiny little Christopher. The Diaz family is the one he always wanted. So warm and fill of love. They take him in, teach him Spanish, teach him how to make the best food. Teach him about family.

It's no surprise to anyone when he and Eddie start dating. He keeps Maddie updated through his post cards until one day he gets one in return. He recognizes her hand writing. She says she's so happy for him. And how she wishes she could meet Eddie and his son. But she also says that Buck shouldn't send her anymore cards. How Doug found one and how he had wanted to go to that place and bring Evan back home.

And, well, Evan can't do that. He needs to let Maddie know that he's okay. So every so often him and Eddie take a little road trip to send a postcard to Maddie from somewhere else. Just to let her know he's okay. Plus, him and Eddie are going to get married and she has to be there.

But on the day they're supposed to get married there's no sign of her. He's disappointed but he doesn't let it get him down. He's marrying his best friend. He's adopting a son. His life couldn't get any better.

And then, of course, it all comes crashing down. Maddie's friend at the hospital, her only friend there, calls Evan.

"Maddie hasn't been to work in a couple days. She hasn't called or anything. I'm worried about her."

Evan has to leave. Eddie wants to come with him, but Evan won't have his family anywhere near Doug. And he's coming back with his sister this time.

Long story, short, Evan goes back home to check on Maddie. She's hurt when he finds her and he's already called 9-1-1 when Doug finds them. It's ugly. And they watch Doug kill someone. One of their neighbour's I guess. And the police show up. And they're all rushed to the hospital. And they're met with even more police. And the FBI. Turns out Doug wasn't just the bad guy. He was A bad guy. A bad guy in a whole family of bad guys.

And so Buck and Maddie have to go into Witness Protection until Doug and his family are taken care of for good. Evan doesn't even get to say goodbye to Eddie and Christopher. He just gets carried away to a new place to start a new life.

Alone.

He ends up in Los Angeles, CA. He's going crazy. He can't talk to Maddie or Eddie or Christopher. He can talk to his agent. That's about it. Despite his agents better judgement, he goes out for the fire department. He's too restless to do anything else. He has to help someone. He needs to do something useful. Meaningful.

And that's how Kyle "Buck" Jones joined the 118. How'd he get his nickname? No one knows.

[byunpum]

EXPERIMENT 56 [your time is coming] sequel | PART 5 |

AVATAR MASTERLIST | EXPERIMENT 56 masterlist

PAIR: Neteyam x Human reader. ( a mix of human and Navi )

Other pairs: Quaritch x reader (platonic) , sully fam x reader.

SUMMARY: Y/N thinks she has a peaceful life with her new family. But a sudden visitor is about to change her life and her family's life.

WARNINGS: 18+, the characters are aged up 20's, a little violence, don't worry no one dies, Y/N and neteyam being parents , Bestie stuff, Family moments.

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5

Note: I hope you like this chapter, Sorry it took so long to upload this part. I've had a lot of work this week, I've even been sick. But I will be catching up this week. Thanks for the support~~

Max was examining the results that norm had given him 5 minutes ago. He hadn't quite entered the lab, when he came upon the image of Quaritch sitting on the examination table, jake sitting across from him looking at him, as if his life depended on it. And norm asking him a few routine questions. As soon as norm noticed max's presence, both men ran up to him and started asking him questions.

"So?" asks Jake, waiting for an answer from his friend. Damn this knowing what was wrong with Quaritch was killing him. Max keeps looking at the results and talking to himself. "No abnormal activity" says max, looking innocently at the two men. - "Max…we know that…we want to know if there's another 'type' of activity?" shouts norm, the man is hysterical because he's had jake screwing with his existence for the last 4 hours. "He says it's someone else," says jake. Max goes back to looking at the results and walks over to Quaritch. Jake and norm watch as their friend starts talking to the man, it was nonsense questions. About everyday life, or what he liked to do. He also asked him how he had been feeling in the last few months and if he had experienced any changes.

After about half an hour, Jake sees Max approaching them. "His consciousness woke up, that's all. I have to run some more tests, but I'm pretty sure," Max says, as if what he is saying is understood by everyone. The man sees how jake and norm are looking at him open-mouthed.

"OK… The avatars they used for the Recoms, they are avatars that already had consciousness. They needed them to have consciousness so that they would be able to accept the memories of the military. A body that has no consciousness cannot walk on its own. It was like a celebral abduction, they repressed the southconsciousness of these avatars and made them believe that the memories they were introducing were theirs" max speaks. Jake couldn't believe what he was hearing. Norm walks over to his friend.

"Oh…that's right. That's why our avatars couldn't walk around without us, because they had no pre-designed consciousness, they were like newborn babies. While these ones had trained them, to then erase everything…" Norm begins to search and write down what they discovered. " You're telling me… that the man in there… he just had a spiritual awakening and now he's not what we think he is. " jake almost screams, he's frustrated. "Yes… he's totally someone else. He tells me that all the memories he has are of that person…but he's not that military guy" max says.

Jake was going to have a heart attack. You were right, Y/N was right. But he couldn't help but feel that he was in danger, this man who claims to be someone else. He had tried to hurt his family, and he had kidnapped you. He had done so much damage to his now home, pandora. He cannot accept. Norm can watch as jake walks out of the lab, and leaves everyone behind. "Hey where are you going?" yells Norm, as he watches his friend walk away from the lab. Norm knows jake will be fine, he just needs more time. "So what do we do with him?" asks max, giving a look at quaritch who was already lying on the table, while looking at the ceiling and playing with his tail. "I don't know…let's do some more tests" says norm. "He looks like an abandoned kitten" says max. "That's what I say" norm laughs a little.

On the other hand… Y/N was following the strange noises she heard. They were like begging and whimpering…and you were pretty sure they weren't from any animal…they were from a human or some na'vi asking for help. You had lo'ak behind you, both of them had stopped running to approach the target. You had to be quiet, you didn't want to scare anyone. To your good fortune you were both very good at it. You and Lo'ak were experienced at sneaking and being quiet, you had escaped from the family hut many times.

Neteyam had his arrow inches away from spider's head, trapping him on the ground. While the boy tried to cover as much of his face as he could with his hands. A single arrow and he would be dead in seconds. "Nete…what's wrong with you?" said spider, his voice trembling, his eyes tightly closed. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it was impossible to escape. Neteyam's pupils were dilated, beads of sweat were running down his forehead. He was in a trance of rage. Why did he always have to be involved in everything…why did he always have to be with you? Why you were always looking for spider's help, and not him. Neteyam wanted to overcome everything that had happened, but it was impossible for him. Why did spider have to help you, why wasn't he a good friend and he went and told him. He doesn't trust him… they are supposed to be friends, almost brothers…

Just as the arrow was slipping through his fingers, neteyam moved his arm a little to the left. Causing the arrow to pass right next to spider's head, burying itself in the ground. Spider felt like life was passing through his eyes. Neteyam stayed pointed at spider for a second, bow empty. "Nete…please put the bow down?" says spider, moving his hand to move the bow. Spider noticed that neteyam didn't exert any force, and was able to take the bow and put it on the ground. Neteyam's chest was heaving up and down, he looked like he was in a state of shook. He was a second away from ending his friend's life, how could he be able to do that. And still spider had gotten up from the ground, and had his hands in his arms. Trying to sit him down, spider gets neteyam to sit up. The boy moves a little away from the na'vi in hopes of giving him some space.

"Why does y/n always look for you?" speaks neteyam, sitting on the ground his head was hanging down. It was a sign of defeat. His jealousy had consumed him, to the point of eliminating what he thought was a threat, spider. He felt bad spider had nothing to do with it, even you…you had nothing to do with it. The problem was him. "y/n…she's my friend" spider says in a shaky voice. Neteyam looks up and looks at the boy. You could see the fear she had towards him. "I know she is your friend…but she doesn't trust me" says neteyam, he is silent waiting for some answer from spider.

"She trusted you…and you helped her bring our enemy to the village. She could have counted on my help, but no…she looked for you" says neteyam, now he had his whole body turned to spider. He had an authoritative attitude, but it wasn't defensive. "I think she looked to me for help…for fear that you wouldn't help her. Understand this is a delicate situation…but I didn't agree at first. Besides, you met that man once," says spider. Neteyam crawls a little closer to spider, runs his hands over the back of his neck as he sighs loudly. "Us? You mean my father?" asks neteyam.

"You know how jake is and she…y/n likes to help everyone. She…" Spider pauses. "She's great," says spider. Neteyam's eyes focus on the attitude spider now has. He looked kind of sad. "She's all yours neteyam…she loves you so much. If she seeks my help it is because we are friends…very good friends" spider says, raising his gaze to look at neteyam. He laughs a little, relaxing his shoulders. Maybe he had overacted. "You have a beautiful baby…you have a family with her," spider's voice sounds a little gruff. "I know I missed my chance with her a long time ago…I'm just helping her like I would help you" he says.

Neteyam reaches over to drape an arm around the boy's shoulders and give him a nudge. "Thank you…and sorry for trying to kill you" neteyam says laughing a little. "Oh don't worry…it's not the first time they've done it" neteyam started laughing and spider followed him. They stood in silence for a moment enjoying the tranquility of the jungle. "You know I think Y/N looked me up because she thought I might have some kind of relationship with Quaritch" says spider. "That makes sense" says neteyam. Boy were they stupid, maybe that was your plan all along. A noise interrupts them as the two boys see two figures emerge from the bushes. Y/N falls to the ground and is followed by an agitated lo'ak. They both quickly get up in attack position. Neteyam and spider stand there with their mouths hanging open.

"Ahhhh" yells lo'ak, you see neteyam and spider sitting next to each other. You had misheard…you could have sweared you heard some screaming. "Hello yawnetu!!!" says neteyam, sitting up straight and raising his hand to greet you. Spider copies his movements. He had to pretend, if you found out that he had tried to tempt spider's life…ohhh he was in a lot of trouble. He might be big, but you intimidated the hell out of him. You quickly approach neteyam and you sniff him.

"Something happened" you speak. The two men laugh nervously as they look at each other. "Nooo we were here practicing and talking" says spider. You turn your gaze to analyze the boy. "You were with lo'ak?" asks neteyam to change the subject and distract you. "Yes…we were at the beach" you turn your attention to neteyam. He grabs you by the arm and pulls you so that you are now by his side. "Hey why don't we go to the village…I'm hungry" says lo'ak who all this time had been lying down. Neteyam gets up from the ground, just like spider. They all take their possessions and make their way to the village. As they walked, spider and neteyam gave each other a few glances as they laughed a little. Neteyam was glad to have a friend like spider… who would forgive something like what had happened a few moments ago, nobody. But spider did… he was a strange boy.

Arriving at the village, you see how neytiri is talking to jake outside the family hut. You all glance at each other, and walk over to where the couple is. "Dad…what happened?" you say, a little worried. From the look on his face and the way his tail was all up in the air, you knew your father was having a nervous breakdown. Well, he was always like that…but you were sure he was about to collapse. "Y/N you were right…max just confirmed it" says jake raising his arms a little upset. "I'm what?" you're confused, what's going on. Neytiri tries to calm jake down, and invites them all into the hut. "I'm going to get norm and max" says jake, running towards the lab area. "Mom…" you look at neytiri, who is also confused. Neytiri leads us inside and orders us to sit down.

"Mom, where is noah't" you ask for your son, who is probably hungry. "Kiri has taken him to play with tuk, relax, he is fine" Neytiri gives you a squeeze on your arm, sitting down next to you. Everyone was quiet. Lo'ak and spider were talking about anything. And neteyam is next to you, he was playing with a bracelet he had on his ankle, you knew he was nervous about something, you knew it had to do with what happened a few moments ago with spider. You walk over and lay your head on his shoulder. "Is something wrong? Are you okay?" you ask, neteyam just looks at you and nods his head. His eyes betrayed him…he was feeling guilty. What happened? Out of nowhere, you see norm, max and jake enter the hut.

"Hello family!!!" says Norm, sitting down next to everyone. Jake and max follow him. You see that they have some papers in their hands. You were so curious to see what those papepes had written on them. Max looks at you and laughs a little, as does Norm. "You were right little girl… Quaritch is someone else" says Max, everyone is shocked. What do you mean, he's someone else? So what you had interpreted about eywa was correct. Max tried to explain as much as he could so that everyone understood, spider and lo'ak understood. Even neteyam understood what max meant. But your mother, neytiri is not convinced. "We are going to say that in about 2 or 3 months his past memory will be erased. He will be kept with personality traits and some vague memories." Max says ending his monologue. "So what do we do now?" asks neteyam.

"I don't know…you decide" says norm, looking at you quickly. Oh no, now this was your decision. You had gotten it right the first time, now you had to decide what to do about Quaritch. "Mmm we can ask grandma" you speak up. Neytiri supports your decision. "I think it is the right thing to do, tomorrow morning we will all get together and talk to mo'at. She will recommend us what to do" said neytiri with a serious voice. You were always impressed when she spoke like that, you see how everyone nods and hurries your mother's order. "Perfect" says Jake. After a long talk and norm answered some questions about the situation with Quaritch. Norm and max leave. So does spider, saying goodbye to everyone. Thus leaving neytiri, neteyam , lo'ak , jake and you alone in the hut.

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you" says jake, his hand was now holding yours. Your father could be stubborn at times, and it was normal for him to worry. And you hated to see him like that, you knew that the grief and shame he had now had no reason to feel it. "Dad… don't say that" you stand up and hug him. Jake wraps his arms around you and presses you to his chest. "D…daddy" you giggle a little. "Ma jake, let her go" says neytiri laughing a little."My baby girl…" jake says, letting go of you and giving you a kiss on the forehead. "I promise you everything will be okay" you speak, looking at your mother. You knew she was uncomfortable with this whole situation, but she knew how to handle her emotions very well. "I know" says Neytiri, pulling you close to give you another kiss on the cheek. You watch as your two parents look at you, you might be so different, but they loved you so much and trusted you blindly. You hear some smiles and smirks at the entrance. And you all see how kiri enters with tuk, tuk was holding noah't in his arms. While he was playing with some braids in his hair.

"Look who's there!!!" says tuk, pointing at you so your son could see you. Noah't stretched out his little arms as soon as he saw his mom and dad. "Come here" you speak, making faces at noah't. Tuk hands him to you, and you quickly begin to kiss his chubby cheeks. Neteyam is next to you, so you pick up the baby for him to give him a kiss too. Neteyam gives him a kiss and this causes a tender noah't smile. He is already on your chest, laying his head down to fall asleep. "We fed him fruit and played with him a lot" says tuk excitedly. "I see they put something in his hair too" you say, taking a closer look at the baby's new hair ornament. "Yes…that will bring him good luck" says kiri, as she lay down in her hammock. "Ahh yes, how?" asks neteyam, who is now examining the new object in his son's hair. "It's a good luck stone… relax" says neytiri, the woman was looking for various things for the meal. Kiri sticks his tongue out at his older brother and he copies the same gesture.

Neteyam bends, and comes up to your ear. "Ma y/n could we go to our home?" asks neteyam, you stroke your face a little on his cheek, handing him noah't and picking yourself up off the floor. Neteyam copies your movements. "Well…I guess we're leaving" jake is shocked usually you two stay up late with them. "why? you don't want dinner" jake gives neteyam a look, the boy gets a little nervous. "mmm no dad it's just that we are kind of tired" neteyam says shyly. Neteyam was still getting very nervous if he tried to confront his father. "but" jake starts to speak, but is interrupted by a laughing lo'ak. "Father…don't you see they want to be 'alone'" lo'ak speaks in a mocking voice. You laugh a little, you knew neteyam was tired, but you also knew his intentions. "ok….let's go" you start to push neteyam by the thighs, before he started to fight with lo'ak. All the family members say goodbye and you continue on your way to your hut.

You quickly arrived at your hut. Neteyam held noah't, and sat with him on the ground. It was still early to go to sleep, so you had to entertain him for a while before he fell asleep. Luckily for you, your son was a very quiet baby. You sit down next to neteyam, knowing he was acting strange, "Did something happen…between you and spider?" you ask. You could see his ears wiggle and his tail stiffen and start to wag slowly. "mmm I…nothing. Nothing happened" says neteyam. "Neteyam… you are lying to me" you question him. Neteyam sits with his legs crossed and his back straight. He looked like a little boy about to be scolded by his mother, it gave you a little tenderness. "I will tell you the truth" says neteyam. You look at him waiting for an answer. It couldn't be that serious. "I tried to kill spider…but we talked and now everything is fine" says neteyam, he talked as fast as he could so you wouldn't understand well, but boy did you. "You what!!! So the screams I heard were from spider" you raise your voice a little. "Ma y/n everything is fine…calm down" neteyam says, trying to calm you down. You had already gotten up from the ground, and you were right in front of him. It's not like you were very intimidating, even standing up. He looked bigger than you. "Why would you do something like that? Spider didn't do anything" you say. Neteyam looks down.

"I know…and that's why I regretted it. It wasn't right, I let my emotions guide me" he lowered his head in regret. Trying to do damage, and for no justifiable reason was not approved behavior in the omaticaya clan. It was a very passive clan. "Emotions…or jealousy?" you sputter, as you wait for neteyam to have something to say to you. But you only resent a 'mmm' and feel him tilt his head to your chest. You reach out to hug his head. "I don't want to know the reason for the situation…because I'm sure it's something stupid. But did you apologize to spider?" you ask. "Yes I did…spider is a good friend and he understood me" says neteyam, pressing his head on your chest. You stay for a while, stroking his scalp, and giving him a few kisses on the top of his hair. Until you feel someone tapping your foot. You look down, and see noah't raising his arms.

"Ahhh my precious baby…I love you too" you turn away from neteyam, to now sit on his lap. Placing noah't on your chest, you are sure he is very hungry. Neteyam settles in and hugs you. So that both of you are comfortable on his chest. "Why did you ask for spider's help, if I'm ready to do everything for you?" asks neteyam, while rocking in your arms. "You would have helped me care for and feed our father's enemy?" neteyam is silent, of course he wouldn't have. "Spider always does what I want" you speak in a mocking voice. "So you used him" you look up, neteyam had a smile on his lips. "Hey…don't say it like that. Yes…but I didn't mean it that way. He's my friend, that's all" you return to settle back on his chest.

After an hour, Noah wasn't very sleepy. So you put him in his hammock. A small hammock that his aunt kiri had made for him. "He looks so cute!!!" you give him a soft kiss on his cheeks, as you watch the baby settle in. You carefully close the curtain that separated the baby's space from the hut (for privacy) "Hey come here" says neteyam, he was sitting on the other side of the hut. Luckily for you your home was quite big, designed for a family of 5 people. You walk towards him, you see that he has some kind of cream in his hands. "What is it?" you watch as neteyam takes some out of the bottle, and takes your arm to apply it to your skin. "It's ngrr help for hybridization, and it smells great too" neteyam takes your arm, and sniffs the scent leaving a kiss. You laugh a little but let him continue what he is planning to do.

You stand in front of him, watch as he takes a generous amount in his hands and mixes it in his palms. Now he begins to massage it into your legs, his hands gently massaging your skin. You see how he is giving you a few looks, and he comes over to give you a kiss on your shoulder. As he continues to carefully massage your legs, he gently moves up from your calves to the back of your thighs and you feel him squeeze his hands. "They are so soft and plump" neteyam bites his lip and you giggle a little taking his face in your hands. "Hey…easy" you tease, as you feel his grip get tighter and he moves his hands to squeeze your ass. In one swift movement he pulls you closer to him, so that your hands are now around his neck. His hands now crawl to your crotch, to pull you up. You had reached his lips, pulling him closer to you to deepen the kiss, as he let out a few desperate moans, while his hands made quick work of your clothing.

In a matter of seconds your clothes were on the floor, while his hands touched any part of your body he could reach. He seemed so desperate for your touch, and there you could understand his behavior. "Are you?" you pull away a little from his lips, but he keeps leaving kisses on your jaw and breasts. "Neteyam… I" your voice is clipped as you feel his hands lift you off the ground. And he straddles you towards the hammock you both shared. Your back in cold material, as neteyam settled on top of you, leaving kisses on your breasts going down to your belly. "All mine…" was almost a whisper, almost to himself. Reminding himself that he was the only man who could take you like this.

Your legs spread intently, leaving him a clear path. Your hands travel to the top of his head to push him to where you needed him most. "Let's finish what we started this morning" says neteyam giving several bites on your lower belly, you lift your hips a little. You were a mess in little moans, he didn't know the effect he had on you. You thought he was a fool to think, that any man could stand a chance with you.

On the other hand…

Quaritch was sitting on the bed that mo'at had prepared for him. Well, it was more like where she settled anyone who came to ask for her help. He was feeling better, the medications and some stitches that Norm had given him had helped him a lot. He felt strange, he felt like he was in a completely new place, he was like a new person. Every hour that passed felt new to him. His legs were crossed, and now he was holding his tail, analyzing it. Mo'at on the other hand had been watching the man, norm and max had explained everything to her. To her it was watching a lost toddler.

"Careful with that tail…you don't want to hurt yourself" says mo'at. Quaritch quickly lets go of his tail. Mo'at is silent for a moment, until she begins to speak. Capturing the avatar's full attention. "Do you have a name?" the woman asks. She looks at the man who now had his ears lowered and his tail had stopped wagging. "Well…they call me quartch. But I like Miles better" Mo'at smiles a little. "Well Miles, how does it feel to wake up?" Miles settles more into his spot, and gets excited about the question. He'd been there all day, testing and listening to how he was someone else. But no one had ever asked him how he felt…until now. "I feel strange…but free" Miles says, Mo'at stands up and hands him a type of container that contained a drink. "I'm glad you found your home…Y/N wasn't wrong about you" mo'at says.

"Y/N…she where is she? I haven't seen her since I got here." Miles says. Mo'at could notice Miles' behavior to talk about you. Miles' ears perked up, his tail began to wag with excitement, and his eyes widened with interest. "I imagine she's with her mate…it's normal not to see couples this time of year," says mo'at, she knew better than to talk about her granddaughter's intimacy. But she wanted to set the record straight. " Time?" asks Miles, he doesn't understand much of the Navi language. "Mating season" says mo'at without any embarrassment. Miles nods his head, and she can see the redness on the tips of his ears. He didn't have to ask about you…of course you were with your mate. Who else would you be with. "Well get some rest…it's going to be a long day tomorrow," says mo'at getting up to leave the hut. The man stands there thinking, as he settled in. He had to get used to the idea that he wouldn't see you, he just wanted to tell you how grateful he was to you.

6:00 am

The entire sully family was gathered at mo'at's entrance, waiting for norm and max to arrive. They were going to talk to mo'at about the situation, now that they knew that Quaritch was going through his facet of being someone else. And that it wasn't going to hurt, they couldn't just take him out of the village. The poor guy didn't know how to defend himself, life in Pandora is not the same as in the military camp. Besides, you weren't going to let them take him out, you had put so much effort in taking care of him. "Well…what's taking so long?" says Neytiri. As she moves from side to side, you knew she was nervous. This was not a situation she liked, but she had to respect her mother's decision.

On the other hand, neteyam is sitting on a rock. He had his hands around your waist, pressing you to his chest. You could feel how nervous he was, just knowing that you were going to see this man was putting him in a bad mood. Spider slowly approached the group, he hadn't seen neteyam since yesterday. His head was down, and he walked straight towards you. You move a little away from neteyam, and take spider's hand to give him a hug. "Hey…are you okay? i heard about what happened yesterday" you say, looking quickly at neteyam. He laughs a little and waves to spider. "Yeah, I'm fine… nete and I set the record straight" spider laughs, and reaches out his hand to touch neteyam's shoulder. You intertwine your arms with spider's, at the same time norm and max arrive.

You all enter mo'at's hut, as you enter you can see how Miles is sitting next to mo'at. He was helping the woman, he looked so calm. He looked like a different person. You let go of spider's arms and move away from neteyam. And you run to Miles, hugging him by the neck. "Quaritch!!!" you speak cheerfully. The man wraps his arm around your back, laughing. "How are you little one?" speaks Miles. Everyone in the room was looking at you with surprise. The relationship you had created with Miles was very strong. Neteyam had already stepped forward beside you. Miles looks up, watching as your partner looks at him. He moves his hands away from your back. Jake and neytiri had sat down next to mo'at. The atmosphere is heavy, you could feel the breeze. Neytiri had her eyes on Miles, she leans over and takes your arm to pull you closer to her. You obey your mother and sit next to her. Neteyam follows you, while lo'ak and spider stand near the entrance. "Well… I'm glad you're all here," mo'at says.

"I've made up my mind, about this man" mo'at relays a smile to Miles. Jake was about to speak, but the woman raises her hand. "shhh" neytiri says. Your father could be the great jakesully, a strong warrior. But if your mother said to shut up, he does it without thinking.

"I have decided to keep him with us" says mo'at. "Mother!!!!" yells neytiri, getting upset as she lifted herself a little from her seat. Neteyam followed in her mother's footsteps, as did jake. Meanwhile spider and lo'ak were left in a state of shocked. You try to calm your family, but they all ignore you. It's not like you can do much surrounded by giants. "Grandmother…but this man is dangerous" says neteyam. "Neteyam!!!" you take his hand, making him sit up. Miles' eyes meet yours for a moment, you could see those words hurt him. The avatar in front of them, was someone else. But he didn't blame anyone.

"HE WILL STAY HERE! We will help him to adapt…to live with us. I have spoken!" says mo'at. Your grandmother was very upset, she was looking straight at Jake and Neytiri. Norm and max had taken it upon themselves to explain everything to mo'at. She knew the right thing to do was to help him, and let him be part of the clan. Of course, he had to earn the trust of the clan. Everyone in the hut is silent for a long time. Neytiri stands up and looks at MILES. "If you do…the slightest harm to my family. I will kill you again with my own hands" you stand up and take her hand. "Mom calm down…don't be like this" you try to reassure her. Jake could be calmer than your mother, she couldn't control her motherly instincts…in that hut were her children. And they were saying that the man who had done so much damage to their family was going to be part of the clan.

After some discussion, various things. How Miles should behave, and what he should do to gain the trust of the clan. The whole family gets up and leaves the mo'at hut. Only Spider, neteyam and you stayed behind. "Y/N… I am proud of you. Your skills have grown so much" says mo'at caressing your face. You get up from the ground, and sit next to Miles. "ahhhh I am happy for you, how do you feel?" you speak. You felt strange talking to him. Days ago he was the soldier you once knew, and now he was a whole new man. You were glad to know that you had had a big impact on his memories, because he still remembered you.

"I'm…I'm happy. But confused" Miles speaks, his ears move back. You can hear spider's sarcastic laugh. You look up and make a face at spider. Spider walks over and sits down next to neteyam, who hasn't taken his eyes off Miles at any point. The two men were sure of something, they had to keep an eye on you at all times. They knew that from now on you were not going to leave his side. "Spider…I think you could help Y/N. Miles needs a lot of help" says mo'at, who was sitting next to you. "And so do you neteyam" mo'at chuckles a little.

Before the two boys could complain, mo'at starts talking. "Yes…you two are going to help Y/N. And I don't want you to be complaining" mo'at says. You chuckle a little, as you adjust a piece of Miles' outfit. He looks at you and gives you a shy smile. "Don't worry… you'll get used to it. And everyone will accept you" you say, smiling.

"Let's see" says neteyam in a low voice, just so spider can hear him. "Yes, I doubt it will come so easily to him," says spider. They both have their arms crossed, you watch them. Could they stop judging him, and understand that miles is not the person who once created the RDA.

Noah't aunts : @st4rrry @valeriinee @inutheangel @gielrmn @sloppierjewel @purple7theparty @itscheybaby @ssc7514 @namorslit @ducks118 @tpwkstiles @elli-aesthetics @nao-cchi @uselessbutinteresting @msjae @austynparksandpizza @gamorxa @andyyy4444 @itssomeonereading @meivap @barbii04 @mm-nope @dorck26 @nessrin @purple7theparty @ssc7514 @sloppierjewel @yeosxxx @legendleopard100 @pandoragalora @jayzes-blog @ducks118 @kyriekurokami @heesoftiefreak @teamanime @d4rno @dumb-fawkin-bitch-bitch @burdeningbitch @allsouls-emma @aceofheartzzz @famousbagelhandspurse @fanficblogs @lilyofthetigers @mjnij @laylasbunbunny

@cherrywinesab @sloppierjewel @bubbleguppy0315 @ellielovesrobinarellano @mrs-sullys-blog @lovekeeho @vectoriscommitingcrimes @kimtaehussy @bimbotinkerbell  @aceofheartzzz @d4rno @3okutos-3ig-toe @bxnnywriting @anarcoirisgatuno @allsouls-emma @luna-ann @vivendominhahistorias @neteyamsgirll @yeosxxx @naynay2808

@neytirisgf @meivap @gamorxa @nuttyrebelflower @lovelyygirl8 @allenparkermin03 @lucero-ksb-blog @neteyamforlife @btslovergirl12 @nuttyrebelflower @artologia-blog1 @sloppierjewel @queen-dk @kurtisamazing @lovekeeho @rebeccao03 @mikeyswifie @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @lu-the-ghost-reader @liluvtojineteyam @vaishureader @rebeccao03 @myh3artttt @pandoramyst @lu-the-ghost-reader

If there is any problem with the tags, let me know and I will try to fix it as quickly as possible. tag list is open, just let me know *3*//

[zagreuses-toast]

I come from a place of sheer curiousity and I just wanna ask genuinely- you say that you're a fan of 13s/ the chibnall era. Why? Doctor who is my favourite show and I've connected with every incarnation deeply and immediately, but have never been able to "click" with 13, despite my best efforts. What is it that you like about her? What is it that you like about chibnalls writing? I want to know and I want to like her/it too, but as of right now, I just... don't. Obviously you're not obligated to, but can you explain why?

Ok so this ended up being a Long Post, so I'm putting my response under the read more. Also I'm assuming you've actually watched the Chibnall era up to The Power of The Doctor, if you haven't then heads up for spoilers and stuff that might not make much sense without context.

Oh and I'm gonna @ @rearranging-deck-chairs and @ssaalexblake because I see their DW opinions all the time and they're really good and they can probably give more nuanced answers on some things. (Idk how well I did on explaining why I liked some of them, and it really is up to personal preference on some things)

Thirteen herself:

There are a lot of reasons I like Chibnalls era, but one of the biggest ones out the gate is definitely Jodie and her acting in the role of the Doctor. I think the way she balances bouncy gregariousness with the colder more angry and mean aspects of the Doctor is great. She does this thing where she can just make her eyes go dead and then smile like it's a threat, like she's gonna bite, especially when going up against villains. It's great. And Jodie herself is a delightful person.

Beyond just physical acting choices, I find the thirteenth Doctors struggle between her anger and secrecy, vs her desire to connect and her joy at life very very compelling. She keeps this distance that's really interesting I think, where she's genuinely attached to and trying to be a friend to the Fam, but still trying to keep her whole past out of the deal, which doesn't work that well, as we see in s12 and Flux. She's surrounded by death and haunted by the knowledge of how little time she has with her friends, (Grace, and she just came back from bill) but she still wants and needs that connection, and she learns to live in the present a bit. I made a whole post about her final regeneration speech here. I love her arc a lot even if it hurts. Also she's such a horrible hypocrite about so many things, which also makes her a fun character to rotate in my head and study like a bug. I do see it as being on purpose, some people seem to think it's just bad writing that she contradicts herself but imo that's a big part of her character.

Chibnalls writing:

I personally like the timeless child plot because :

There are a lot of stories and ideas in the Chibnall era I like, and a lot more I find very compelling. Whatever your opinions on the writing (and I definitely have had a lot of critique for some bits), there were a lot of ideas introduced that were fun and interesting. One of the weaker points of the era IMO is having so much fun stuff set up, but only shallowly or quickly exploring it, and then adding more stuff on top.

A lot of things didn't get the exploration/screen time I thought they deserved (especially characterization and interaction/dialogue wise). But that just gives my brain more to chew on at the end of the day, and I do love what was done during the seasons itself, not just all the potential stuff.

1) I can connect with it, I know Chibnall was coming at it from a place of being an adoptee, but as a native person the story of a kid taken and raised into an imperial/colonial society, who had their history stolen and their body exploited to further that societies ends, hits very close to home.

And 2) I have a "everything is true at once" approach to canon and I think the more origin stories we make for the Doctor the funnier it is.

This era had a lot of repeating themes, ideas that showed up and we're explored in a lot of different circumstances, often with a rule of 3 aspect to it. One is themes of Empire and Exploitation. Particularly through the stenza in s11 (empire using up planets, introduced to us basically doing foxhunts for clout, but with People instead of foxes), the dalek specials, the Cybermen in s12, and Division/the timelords in flux (as well as the sontarans &co).

Within that there's the repeating motif of how by exploiting people or their beliefs for power the imperial power/bad guys sew the seeds of their destruction. From Tzim Sha using the Ux and them turning against him, to the Division being destroyed by the Ravagers, who they tried to use to get rid of the Doctor/the old universe (and the doctor and even the master going rogue in the first place). Hell even Kerblam! (I know I know) Has a version, where the AI system being used to do terrible things is the one to call the doctor for help!

Another standout are themes of breaking cycles, Ryan is estranged from his dad and was distancing himself from Graham, but they both put in the work and grow extremely close over their two seasons. He also chooses to leave the TARDIS when he realizes he's absent from his friend's lives and wants to be present. And the Doctor gets to break the cycle of exploitation that Tecteun started, when she meets a vulnerable being with mysterious power (the energy being from TPOTD) she helps it free itself, on a way she wasn't helped.

Individual character stuff:

Going again into more individual character stuff I love, I've gotta give it to Sacha Dhawan for being a fucking superb Master. His acting is bonkers amazing and he does a great job portraying the sorta huge personal crisis the master is going through, and externalizing via evil schemes. At the end of Twelves run we saw Missy try to be like the doctor, to get her friend back (and even succeed a bit) but end up dying for it. Now we come back to a master who died trying to be like the person they see as their only equal, and has discovered (wrongly) that they were never equal to begin with, that the doctor is so much more than them. So he tries to make her like him instead, and If she won't become like him and kill them both along with the rest of gallifrey, then he will become her properly this time (by body snatching), ruin her legacy, and die with her eventually (overtaking her in the same way his whole existance has now been caused/overtaken by the doctor in his eyes, because of her being the source of regeneration)

Also can we talk about the Yaz?? I've been dying to talk about Yaz!!! I love her a lot and I find her fascinating, shes probably my favorite companion based on just sheer amount of time spent Thinking about her. Her doctorification/character arc is so good

Yaz is into the travelling and saving the day lifestyle the Doctor gives her for the responsibility of it all, for feeling useful and capable and good. Her early characterization Monet's include her complaining about not having more interesting jobs as a cop because she wants responsibility, she wanted to be important and helpful (that's the entire reason she became a cop, to help people like she was helped when she was in a dark place, and she finds a better way of doing that with the Doctor). And she GETS THERE, narratively and on a character level, she spends three years on earth with her own companions! She co-pilots the TARDIS and can fly her herself! She saves the day when the master steals the doctors body! And most of all SHES EXTREMELY SAD AT THE END BECAUSE THE PERSON SHE LOVES DIED BEFORE HER!! JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR !! (ugly crying) (I could write a whole other post about thasmin, good and bad, but a lot of people have put it better than me)

Also, I'm a big TARDIS girlie, she has somehow ended up being one of my favorite characters in doctor who, and the chinball era does so much fun stuff with the TARDIS!! Different writers take different approaches to the TARDIS, and how alive vs inanimate, or how active vs passive she is. I think the Chinball era had something special in terms of the way the TARDIS was depicted, and I loved it a lot. We never really get to see past the control room but it's a gorgeous control room! And throughout the era the TARDIS just feels so alive, it's always humming and beeping and chirping, I especially love the moments when the lights change color to match the doctors mood (mostly to blue, for sadness, sometimes red to yell at that dalek that one time). And speaking of the doctor, starting with ghost monument thirteen has a bunch of sweet moments of banter or just ~emotions~ with the TARDIS. I genuinely teared up a bit when she entrusted the timeless child memories to the TARDIS,and before her regeneration speech when she asked the TARDIS to look after her. Because who can she trust with her past AND her future except her oldest truest friend.

I could add a lot more of specific things from the era I love (solitract my beloved) but I think this is getting long enough as is lol.

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x05 thoughts

The main things:

This ep starts literally immediately after last ep ended, and then takes place over 2 full days

Looks like Thony and Jorge swapped numbers at some point lol; I guess Dante got tired of being the go-between haha. But for a guy that was so concerned yesterday about Thony missing her interview, he sure seems chill about pulling her away today… only to have nothing for her but an unintentionally murdered guy and an uncomfortable fight with his sister lol. That’s a bit embarrassing for you there, Jorge! I like that he later ended the business call about Nadia’s payout to be able to answer her, and then followed through on her request to talk to Ramona on her behalf. And then she shows up at his office– did she google him or did he actually tell her where to find him??-- and tries to convince him to nullify the Amber Alert, and ngl I enjoy the fact that much of their dynamic so far is basically Thony either ordering or begging him to do something, and him being like “No” and making some mocking remark to her about it… and then later doing exactly what she asked/suggested lol. Thony (and especially the potent combination of Thony and Luca) really does have some kind of magic power over the men of this family… though Arman seemed to accept it far more quickly and eagerly than Jorge, who’s still half-heartedly trying to resist haha. But then again, the man still showed up at her court hearing and not only provided the exact thing she asked for, but he also stayed to see the outcome and her reaction?? Like I’m absolutely hearing Nadia’s words to Arman rn: “You love the way she looks at you when you do these things for her. When you are her hero”... Jorge got his first real taste of that during the last ep, and looks like he already wants more haha

Thony and Ramona are clashing more and more which is potentially going to be very problematic for Thony when they lose Arman and she is no longer shielded by her connection to him… but I guess that’s when Jorge’s growing regard for her is going to come into play, and create an interesting divide with the siblings…

Poor Thony reliving the trauma of losing Luca, only even more terrifying this time because instead of Marco (who sucked but was at least relatively safe), he could be with someone who intends to hurt him. “We’ve been down this road before” yeah in more ways than one

“You and Armando will work together, so when I’m gone…(etc)” okay this is a very odd statement for a 50-something to make??? And she later says something about bringing Arman home ‘while there’s still time’-- time for him, or her?? Like is Ramona secretly dying and that’s why she’s so determined to get Arman back, so Jorge will still have family watching over him? Surely the writers wouldn’t use a plotline like that though, not given how we lost Adan…….? 

Okay let’s all pretend that we believe that a 6 year old kid, who had barely experienced the world outside his own bedroom before a few months ago, managed to navigate the streets of a major city on foot to a location that’s a 10 minute drive away, and then also somehow snuck into a large public facility undetected and didn't raise red flags as an unaccompanied kid hanging there for hours lol

Ugh so much love for the courtroom scene and the fam all giving their testimony. I love that they were all clearly ready to commit perjury if needed (eg by covering up Thony’s shady activities if asked about it) and that they also said such beautiful, heartfelt things, because god did Thony need to hear those things. After everything she has gone through, and everything that her actions to protect Luca put the rest of the family through, she’d clearly started to question (like we saw in the kitchen earlier with Fi)  whether she is actually truly good– a good mother, a good family member, and a good person in general– or if she only brings pain to those around her.  The forgiveness and support of her family doesn’t erase what she’s done, but it is going to be a huge part of how she moves forward and grows as a person, and I’m really looking forward to seeing more of that journey.

I also loved that the people trying to take Luca away were two crusty old guys, while Thony’s lawyer (who looked like she was trying not to cry when Thony did her big speech), and the judge, and of course Susan (who, while on the CPS side, is actually fairly impartial and in some ways shows a lot of regard for Thony, and didn’t raise an objection even though she could have) are all women. It feels like a subtle nod to the themes of both motherhood and women supporting other women in this show, and that’s really cool. 

Other stuff:

Congrats to Fi for finally getting to have her own Traumatised Showering Scene haha, I think Thony has had at least 2 or 3 by this point. But I did feel for Fi and Chris that they barely even got to begin to unpack what happened to them because things were just immediately about Luca. Also ngl that music/voiceover combo right at the start with the abrupt fadeout was a bit weird lol

“Sometimes I wish I was a turtle, so I could hide in my shell” #relatable

Love the sweet JD/Fi stuff, though this dude needs to recognise his place in the family hierarchy and not make calls that aren’t his to make lol. Leave the dealing with big important stuff to the women, buddy, you’re out of your depth!  

Speaking of dudes messing things up… seriously Dante? Accidentally killing the best lead your bosses have to getting their relative back? That’s embarrassingly amateurish. Unless there’s actually more going on here than we realise, and he did it deliberately to keep the guy from talking??

Ok seriously how many doors lead outside from Luca’s room?? I know it’s a converted sun-room and not a proper bedroom, but still, they should at least be locked if not also securely barricaded. Geez.

Ah the many facets of Jorge, comfortable in a homeless camp and while torturing a guy in a warehouse, but also in a courtroom and a fancy corner office, and also while kneeling in a kitchen doorway to earnestly accept a gift of a cupcake from a 5 year old lol

Thony always tells Luca she’s never going to let anything bad happen to him… but uhhh, a little too late there, don’t you think Thony? Poor kid has been through more ‘bad things’ than most adults, and most of them have happened within the last 6 months lol

Lol at Thony trying to tell the officer to drop the charges against Dante and he’s just like ‘nope’ haha. I bet she really misses her surgeon days when she could just give orders and people would follow them without question

No Nadia this week! Honestly it felt weird not to see her; it really feels like she is part of the family now, and I’m looking forward to more of her and Thony working together

Goddamn I really gotta learn Spanish.

[plasmasimagination]

Heyy girl hows it goingg! Congrats on ur amazinggg milestone. Totally deserved 🪼🪼 I was wondering if i cld get a matchup for genshin and hsr ! I totally loved the others u did.

I go by the she series and id love to be matched up w a hot man 🤤 my mbti is enfp and im a gemini! Im around 5’3 with tan skin and hv super grown out long dyed brown hair. I have 8 piercings total on my ears and i know im gna cop more next summer bless up. I wld say i def have a more summer oriented aesthetic i loveee me a tank top n shorts and bikini.

Im not surr what kind of personality i have .. but i think im a freak. I love to party nd go out w my friends obviii but i absolutely love spending time by myself bc im chill like dat. I think im pretty funny but i also follow my heart a lil too much and do whatever i want when i want, so i cant set boundaries w myself.. im def tryna work on that and have a healthy grindset and balance. Im down to do anything w my friends BUT im also a lil bit of bitch ngl… a lil bit of a hater if i see some weird activity in front if me

I love the beach and summer and drives with loud music playinggg. My ideal day is a warm summer day on the beach with some Js and scrolling thru the x reader tag on tumblr on my ipad.

My interests are surfing and paddleboardinf!! Im super into gymming and looking up wikipedia horror movie summaries. Im pursuing health rn too 😜 and i try to write in my free time but it never works out LOL. I also love thrifting and flea markets and im down to rage if u are 🤙

If i had a short life id probably honestly spend it at home w the fam and w my dog and w all my friends. Id love to do some epic in state road trips or have bonfires by the beach. i think itd be sick to be surrounded by all the simple things i love.

When it comes to my love life…. Erm… i definitely can be attracted SO easily but im quick to find icks tbh. I dont think i fall in love easily but i definitely get high on the possibility of it. Lets just say im hard to get and hard to want 😈 My ideal type is someone whos athletic and good at math and is FINE AF. My lovr language is quality time (i LOVE ft) so someone whos willing to do stuff w me is a plus. I think i also like someone who can match my speed and humor bc i hate miscommunication and awkwardness

Thanku sm if u decide 2 do my req! ⭐️⭐️

Hello there fellow darling >:)

As for your request, I would say I found just the right manz for you, but i didn't, so work with them a bit and they'll be vibing with u in no time(ㅠ﹏ㅠ)

So let's go

.

.

.

AL HAITHAM

Smart collected calm and rational, just to balance you out

introvert x extrovert

He's definitely impressed by your carefree attitude, and often gets dragged into your small adventures, he might complain around a bit but he doesn't mind as much as he says he does

Hes confused as to how you have the energy to go out to parties and surfing and everything, he's just way too tired to even think about such things, so he'll prefer to watch you from the distance, in the comfort of a chair and a good book

Listen listen, I know I know, he's pissy and awkward, but I like to think he wouldn't be like that in a relationship, and is actually very good at communication and explaining his struggles and emotions

It might take him a bit to trust you but when he does, he's a good partner

He might not be able to match your humour, but he can match your speed, he's very efficient.

And if that relationship doesn't work out, do try with kaveh, because that could work out more (and yes i did just recommend to get with with your matchups roommate)

MR.RATIO

Nerd x his cool partner

This one is more to match your vibe kind off

He's a sassy and confident dude

He'll definitely be a fan of your bitchy attitude , he likes dealing with bests

Can match your energy, occasionally, sometimes not sometimes yes, but most of the time he'll just follow you around and watch you do your hobbies and interests while reading something

Cold colour dressed boyfriend x summer dressed partner, just perfection

He's an ambivert after all, so he can keep up with your trips and enjoyments, but sometimes will distance himself off to a corner to recharge his energy

Generally he's the first that came to mind when I saw your request so consider it fate

[snippychicke]

Aftermath--Chapter One

Summary:

Raymond Chestnut gets a harsh surprise when he realizes the body in his living room isn't actually dead. Now he has a severely injured white man, who tried to kill him, to deal with. Thankfully he knows a friend who might be able to help.

Lorelei was used to people coming to her for medical attention. But when Raymond brings Otto to her home, nothing could prepare for how her life was about to change.

--------

Well, if you followed me like... 3-4 years ago, you may remember I was quite into the Swedes from The Umbrella Academy...

I never got over them to be honest.

So here we are, I am proving my screen name yet again with a rewrite of an old story! That I never finished! But hey, my writing skill have definitely improved.

For those unfamiliar, go watch season 2 of the Umbrella Academy. The blonde assassins? Those were the boys that inspired the rise of ol' Ikea Mafia Fam. As well as the following story in which a white woman born in the 80's tries to write the perspective of a poc woman in the 60s. (and prays she is not being offensive in any way and begs forgiveness if she is.)

Also:

Herb did not, in fact, take away the dead body of the Swede Assassin. 

It was still laying in Raymond's living room, long after everyone else had disappeared in flashes of blue lights. Wrapped tightly in the rug his sister had gifted him and Allison on their wedding day. 

Silent. 

Foreboding. 

Raymond watched the unmoving figure as he sipped at his scotch. There was no way in hell he could move it by himself. And who could he trust to ask for help to move it? 

To move him, Raymond reminded himself harshly. It wasn't an it, it was a ‘him.’ That was a human body resting in his living room. 

Who, admittedly,  had tried to kill him and Allison. But still, Raymond could at least acknowledge him as a fellow human. After all, Raymond had tried so hard to be the respectful and peaceful man his grandmother raised him to be. Even when faced with the violence because of his involvement with the protests, or being unfairly treated time after time because of racism, he never raised so much as a hand to another human being. 

He shouldn't try to deny another man his humanity, even if he was a dead would-be murderer. 

But he was still stuck with a dead white man in his living room. It didn't matter that the man and his brother had forced their way into their home (his home, now that Allison was gone, but he didn't want to deal with that heartache on top of everything) with intent to kill both of them. 

All the law would see was a white man dead in a colored man's house. 

He would go to prison… No. He was going to be lynched for this. Old-fashioned hung from a tree for the whole city to see. 

Raymond tipped the rest of the scotch back and poured another full glass as the liquid burned its way to his stomach. All of his work, gone. He had abandoned his education and teaching position so he could do his part for the Civil Rights movement. He had hoped he could do some good.

And instead, he had made things worse. 

It was probably a good thing Allison had…left to be with her family. It was comforting to know she was safe and alive somewhere somewhen. A small, cold, comfort, but a comfort nonetheless. 

His lips touched the glass for another swig when he heard it. A noise so soft and quiet he was sure he had imagined it. Still, it made him freeze, his body tense as he held his breath, eyes darting to the rug. 

No. The man was dead. It had been hours since the attack. There was no way he could be somehow still alive. 

Raymond shook his head, deciding it was probably just the house settling, and shot back the drink once more, feeling the burn in his throat match the burn of his eyes. His whole life had just ended. It wouldn't be long before he would join…

His somber thoughts were cut off by another sound, this one unmistakable. 

A groan of pain. 

Raymond startled and jumped to his feet, throwing his glass out of reflex towards the body, which grunted as the glass bounced off the rug and shattered on the floor. He grabbed a butterknife off the table and held it towards the body; the cutlery shaking in his hand as he stared at the body. 

But there was only silence. For what felt like hours, Raymond stood frozen yet mentally daring it to do something. Anything. If it did, he would… he would…

The rug moved as another groan cut through the heavy silence. There was no doubting the haggard breathing and muffled moan of pain that quickly increased in both volume and frequency. Raymond cursed every foul word his grandmother would've washed his mouth out for and ran back to the kitchen to grab an actual knife. The long thick butcher’s knife his wife had used so skillfully once upon a time. 

He pushed that thought away and stalked back to the living room, gripping the wooden handle tightly in his shaking hand. Raymond towered over the rug, knife poised to strike where he assumed the man’s chest was. He had to do something swift. Otherwise…

Otherwise what? He was already a deadman walking. 

The knife clattered harmlessly to the floor as Raymond regained his senses. He was going to die either way, but wouldn't it be better to die innocent than guilty? Not just for his soul, but for the Civil Rights movement? His brother and sisters? 

Raymond dropped to his knees and desperately undid the knots he and Allison had tied, allowing the rug to fall open. The man's face was no longer placid with death, but grimacing in pain, pale lips pursed as he sucked in haggard breaths.  Blood was caked dry around the remains of his right eye, dark purple and black bruises colored his neck, while the rest of his skin was as pale as his blond hair. 

"Hey, uh buddy," Raymond said as he placed a hand on his shoulder, earning a painful grunt that caused him to yank his hand away. "Right. Sorry. Let's… let's get you to a hospital." Except questions would be asked, and Raymond would definitely be arrested. 

But… what if there was a chance he could avoid that? Someone that could help him and the man before him. 

"Actually, on second thought..." 

~❖~

Lorelei groaned as she fell into the old couch, slipping off her shoes and rubbing the ache from her feet. The third twelve-hour shift in a row at the hospital had left the young nurse sore and exhausted. This week had been crazy between the street shooting and the asylum patients escaping.

Then there was the man found in the woods. She grimaced at the memory of being briefed by the operating room's recovery nurse as she was assigned to John Doe for the rest of her shift because the white nurse had been overwhelmed and needed help (nevermind the black's unit had been just as understaffed before they had dragged her away). Even though the nurse had rattled off the injuries--including the traumatic amputation of his leg-- seeing the young man as white as the sheets, covered in bandages, left her heart sore. 

Dr. Wilson and his team had done their best, but they all had their doubts. No one knew how long the man had been in the woods, wounded. It had been a miracle he hadn't bled to death. But there had been plenty of time for sepsis to set in.

Lorelei's eyes were starting to drift shut when somebody desperately knocked at the front door; hard and frantic enough to rattle the glass panes of the windows. Her eyes shot back open and she jumped up out of instinct, her heart thundering in her chest as she stumbled around the coffee table to open the door. 

She knew it was going to be an emergency, knew that she should expect anything, but yet she wasn't prepared for Raymond Chestnut to be standing on her old porch, a man nearly twice his size leaning heavily on him with an ill-fitting tan suit covered in blood.   

A very pale, very white man.

"What the hell?" she started, automatically shifting to the white man's side, having to lift his arm to sling it over her shoulder to help support his weight. 

People coming to her was no surprise. It was normal for her the way people in their neighborhood would knock on her door for help, ranging from childhood bumps and bruises, injuries from teenagers getting into fights, and other emergencies. 

But that was from people in their neighborhood-- which was very much a black community. And while she was about as white-passing as they could get-- barely passing the paper-bag test most days--her skin was still far darker than the man she helped Raymond half-drag inside. 

Her stomach curdled at the wounds she saw, though the bloody mess of an eye was probably the worst. One slight touch to the unconscious man's cheek and he snarled as he shifted away, his other eye fluttering beneath its closed eyelid. "Shit. We need to get him to a hospital, Ray!"

"I know!" he hissed back, keeping his voice low despite the fact the door was closed and no one else in the old two-story house but them. "But can you imagine me pulling in the ER with him like this? I'd be lynched by dawn!" 

"What even happened?" She asked, noticing the darkening bruise around his neck. Without hesitating  she quickly undid the silk tie and ripped the white shirt open. There was no mistaking the shadowing of hand-prints that wrapped around his neck. Obviously not an accident, but if Raymond got in a fight, and one serious enough to do this kind of damage, why would he bring the man here?

Nevermind that Raymond was as pacifistic as it got, and she couldn't see him doing this. Hell, even if Raymond was fighting for his life, she doubted he could cause this kind of damage.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said with a dry tone, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Hell, I barely believe it, and I lived through it."

She shot him a look, "I worked in the ER on a full moon on Halloween this year. Try me."

Before he could begin, however, she stood and quickly disappeared into the kitchen. Raymond could hear the faucet running as she rummaged through drawers, and within a minute she was back with a basin of water and more than a few washcloths. "Well?" She snipped as she soaked a washcloth and wrung it out before starting to work on the caked blood around his eye, making the man hiss and flinch but not wake up. 

"Him and his brother came to my house and attacked Ally and I. Allison did that," he gestured to the eye covered by a washcloth, "before telling his brother to kill him. Which I certainly thought he did when he strangled him, but…obviously not. So, here we are."

Lorelei paused and looked at him, confused and sure Raymond was lying to her. In fact, she was about to call out bullshit when she noticed the solemn look on his face. Raymond was a poor liar, and there was no way he could lie about something like this when he could barely keep a straight face about who had stolen the collards out of her abysmal attempt at a garden.

Yet there was nothing but complete honesty when he met her gaze, making her swear under her breath. 

Allison, while always a bit different and headstrong for sure, was still a lady. Lorelei had a hard time seeing the hairdresser stabbing someone. Granted, being attacked in her own home would make anyone lash out.

But the attempted strangulation? And she told the man’s brother to do so, and then he apparently followed through with her command? How? Why?

As perplexing as the mystery was, right now it didn't matter. She had a patient to tend to, the ‘hows’ and ‘whys’ did really matter. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and shifted to stand. "Come on, let's get him back in your car and get him to the hospital.  We can say we found him on my doorstep like this. Dr. Cahoy is working tonight, and..."

The man's hand suddenly shot up and gripped Lorelei's wrist tightly, making her freeze and Raymond tense. The man's other eye was open and staring hard at her, the soft blue somehow violent. "No," he said, his voice hoarse and barely a whisper.

"No?" She repeated, incredulous. "I can't treat the trauma to that eye. We need to take you to the hospital."

"No," he repeated, his hand tightening slightly, his fingers easily encompassing her small wrist. For a moment, Lorelei feared he would pop her wrist out of joint. Yet after a brief moment his grip relaxed, though he didn't let go. 

"You do realize you could lose your eye," Lorelei started, mentally adding 'if you haven't already.' The bloody mess concealed most of the damage, but she feared the worst already. Eyes couldn’t take a lot of damage before becoming blind, or needing to be removed. And, well, this one had been rather severely damaged.

The man stayed silent, his gaze not leaving hers. There wasn't an ounce of fear or worry in his expression. Just stubbornness and acceptance. "Fine," she sighed, giving in. "But in return for my services, you have to promise not to go after Ray and Allie, okay? Or any negro for that matter."

That was a big bluff for her to take, trying to demand that a white man make her a promise? Yet instead of being incensed, his gaze glanced briefly at Raymond before his eye fluttered close and he let go of her in apparent agreement. 

Lorelei stood, rubbing her wrist as she mulled her options. This was a bad idea. A terrible idea. White men could get the care they need at the drop of a hat. They could get quality care no matter where they went. She needed to save her stores for those not so fortunate. 

Yet something in her gut was leading her towards an idea that there was something was not quite right with the situation beyond the obvious. He only said one word, but there was a definite accent to it, and not one she was familiar with either. Her gut was telling her that she had to help him, and not just dump him off at the nearest ER. 

"Ray, start boiling some water.  Grab the pack of gauze and gloves under the sink too."

Raymond didn't ask any questions but nodded his head and followed her directions. Lorelei sighed as she touched the man's shoulder, making him crack open his good eye once more. "I'm serious here,” she continued softly yet firm. “I am not a doctor. I can do my best, but I doubt I can do anything to save your eye. You need a hospital."

"No," he repeated, though this time softer. Almost apologetic, as if he understood the moral quandary he was putting her through. Which, sympathy from a white man was just about as unbelievable as the rest of this.  

She pushed the thought away. "Do you have any plans to hurt Ray or Allie?"

"...no." he closed his eye, becoming stoic but not before she saw a flash of something. Anguish? Regret? Or just pain? 

"I'm holding you to that.” She didn’t much care about herself, but she wanted to protect her old friend and his wife. “Now, give me a name I can call you-- I don't need to be your real one," she continued as he looked at her strangely. "I just need a name you'll answer to."

"...Otto." That time she caught the accent but still didn't have an idea of where. Definitely not any of the local American drawls. Maybe that was why he was so much kinder than the usual white.  

"Well, Otto, I'm Lorelei,” she returned with a tight smile. “And this is probably going to hurt like a son of a bitch."

[slothquisitor]

Contrivance

Look fam, I never wrote bite night. And you know what? That needed to be remedied. Astarion wonders if Cazador's commandments still hold weight now that he's tadpoled, so he tests that theory. Astarion x Liv, pre-relationship angst and shenanigans. TW: blood. 4.5k.

Also on AO3.

It’s been three days since Astarion awoke unharmed in the blazing sun, and he still hasn’t seen a single sign of Cazador. He fully expected the vampire lord to show up in their shabbily constructed camp that first night, ready to flay him for failing to return home, for being able to walk in the sun. He spent the first two nights sleeplessly listening for any sign, any sound that might be his old master come to call. He tossed between memory and waking nightmares, all the while plagued by the ever-present hunger for blood. It’s a feeling he’s used to, and his mind used to pass over it, use to not categorize it as a concern, but it’s getting more and more difficult to ignore.

He has been hungrier than he is right now, but the long days of walking and fighting seem to sap all of his energy, all of his patience. Gale, the bombastic and longwinded wizard cheerily cooks meals with their meager rations, and Astarion hasn’t ever eaten a bite. His traveling companions have probably assumed that he’s turning up his nose at the fare out of snobbishness. 

As long as it keeps them from discovering the truth, he’s fine with that. 

But on the third night, his mind is clouded with hunger, with need. So, he sneaks away from camp, checking over his shoulder all the while. He feels slow, sluggish, and utterly careless in ways he doesn’t usually allow. He stalks through the underbrush, searching for prey, but always, always sure he’s being watched. 

He catches a rabbit first, snaps its neck and drains the small creature dry as quickly as he can. The rabbit’s fur is dirty, he can feel the grit in his mouth, but at least this meal is soft, at least it is alive. The blood is warm and fresh, and that alone is a luxury he hasn’t often had. When he is finished, he swiftly discards the body, tossing it away into a bush where it lands with a flat thump, as if he could hide the evidence. He runs then, hurrying away from that place, as if the distance will give him plausible deniability. 

Because he is waiting for the consequences to fall. They always do. He waits for Cazador’s ire, for lashes on his back. He has eaten without permission, he has drained a creature dry. Cazador must know; he always knows. If the punishment doesn’t come now, it will come later. This much he is sure of.

But as he kneels in a dirty clearing, alone in a dark forest, there is…nothing. Nothing but indifferent moonlight and the sound of the nearby river. There are no glowing red eyes searching him out in the darkness, no stinging compulsions. Maybe…just maybe…he’s free? Or free enough, anyway. As long as he doesn’t sprout tentacles. But it hasn’t happened yet, and…well, he might as well make the most of the time he has. 

He drains two more rabbits and a boar. It is an absolute glut of blood, more than he has ever had at one time. He feels pleasantly drunk, more than a little off balance. And there was no one telling him he couldn’t, stopping him from taking what he wanted. It’s incredible. He sneaks back into camp, into his tent, and as he finally closes his eyes to rest, he realizes that for the first time in two hundred years, that ever-present hunger, the ache behind his teeth, is gone.

His new companions are much easier to put up with now that he’s not constantly distracted by his hunger. It allows him to observe so much better. The famed Blade of Frontiers is more ridiculous than he imagined, and quick to empathize with the very person his patron had asked him to kill. Karlach is not only loud but far too friendly for his liking. She’s the first to ask questions, to tell stories, but if he asks her the best way to kill certain types of demons, she’ll ramble on unprompted, leaving him alone. The cleric is entertaining, at least, but that’s more despite herself than because she actually is. Besides, every time he and Shadowheart appear to agree on something she looks distinctly troubled. It fills him with an odd amount of glee. And then there’s Lae’zel, who is terrified of. Obviously. 

Truthfully, beyond the tadpoles in their heads, their group has little in common. Except that they all seem content to follow around their de facto leader, Liv. She’s not exactly leadership material; she’s soft-spoken and seems a little too invested in everyone getting along. But Shadowheart was already deferring to her when they’d met on the beach, so he’d followed suit, just like everyone else. He has no desire to be in charge of this little band of misfits anyway. No, he is more than content sitting back and watching what happens. This group seems to be his best chance of survival for now, but the second he sees his odds could improve with literally anyone else, he’ll abandon them. 

Besides, everyone in their little group is rather hellsbent on getting rid of this tadpole, and while he has no desire to turn into a mind flayer, the tadpole is the one thing that’s made his life better in the last two hundred years. He’d rather not get rid of it just yet. Especially when he hasn’t yet figured out the full potential of what he can do now. 

Oh, he can walk in the sun, pass over thresholds of homes, and even cross through running water, but do Cazador’s compulsions and commandments still hold? He has been chafing at his bonds for two hundred years with so little to show for it, but now, finally, he has some semblance of freedom, and yet, he doesn’t know just how free he actually is. But he’s itching to find out. 

Cazador had many commandments, but this was the first: thou shalt not drink the blood of a thinking creature. For years, Astarion has told himself that blood is blood, surely it doesn’t matter the source. And that was all fine and well when he didn’t have any other options but whatever animals and bugs Cazador allowed, but now? Well, now perhaps he should see just how free this little tadpole has made him. 

The idea hits him as they trek through the hills toward an abandoned village that’s likely overrun by goblins. He is traveling with several thinking creatures…and it would be oh-so-easy to drink from one of them during the night. They might not even notice. 

But who to pick? He’s sure that Gale will taste exquisite, like a fine aged wine. Wyll would also be delectable, all that righteousness bottled right up. Karlach is a no-go though, since she’s literally on fire. Shadowheart is a cleric, and it seems likely that she’d kill him for trying. Lae’zel is far too scary, though he’s very curious what she might taste like anyway. And then there’s Liv. 

Boring, nice, polite, Liv. 

Astarion has learned very little from their would-be leader so far. Somehow even when he’s eavesdropping on her conversations with the others, she avoids saying much about herself. She’s quite skilled at deflection, at dancing away from questions about herself. She’s from Baldur’s Gate, that much she’s said. Her accent is Upper City, so she’s from the wealthier part of town, though he hasn’t gotten a last name. Which could mean she’s trying to keep her connections, or lack thereof a secret. 

He doesn’t exactly care. He’s mostly trying to keep an eye out for knives in the back, and Liv seems too busy sneaking off to retch after every fight to be someone he should be afraid of. 

And that’s why he ultimately settles on her as his first target. Her kindness makes her weak, but he also knows she’ll do just about anything to avoid a fight. Maybe he’ll get a chance at the others some other time, besides, one doesn’t imbibe for the very first time on an expensive vintage, that’s something to be worked up to.  

He nearly abandons the whole idea when their little group finds the boar he’d killed and drained last night. It had been sloppy, leaving it out in the open, where their group could just stumble across it. Liv’s inquisitive nature means that she asks a lot of questions, and he makes some deflections about there being a vampire on the loose. He’s just grateful that Wyll’s not with them this morning, but then they move on, and Astarion resolves to be more careful in future.

But as the day drags on, his impatience and curiosity win out against any caution he might have exercised. He is desperate to find out if can break this little commandment because if he can break this one…then he really is free. And if he’s free, then Cazador can’t control him. And if Cazador can’t control him…he’s getting ahead of himself. 

He reads a book by the fire while he waits, only half paying attention to the words on the page while he observes everyone in camp. Tenuous friendships are forming, still stilted and awkward, but present nonetheless. He notices that he and Lae’zel are the only ones not sought out over the course of the evening. Not that he cares of course, he doesn’t want friendships with these people, just their protection. 

Finally, everyone retreats to their respective tents and Gale is on first watch, doing the rounds. Astarion deposits his book back at his own tent and then waits for Gale to drift to the far side of camp. He sneaks toward Liv’s tent, sure that Gale hasn’t seen him, but feeling watched all the same. Cazador couldn’t possibly know his plan, couldn’t possibly still have control of him, could he? Once he drinks Liv’s blood he’ll know for sure at least. He pads silently across her little threshold, closing the tent flaps behind him. 

She is curled up on her side, her perfectly delectable neck bared and waiting. Her dark brown hair pools her, and a threadbare blanket hangs off her shoulder. This is the moment he’s been waiting for, he’s practically salivating as he bends over her, inching closer to her neck. He can hear the strong, steady beat of her heart, pulsing in the darkness. The rhythmic beat drowns out everything else around him. He’s a breath away from closing his lips around her neck when she jerks awake with a sharp intake of breath. Her eyes go wide as she takes in the scene: him bent over her, fangs bared, caught proverbially red-handed. 

“...Shit.” 

She scrambles away from him. “What in the hells are you doing?” 

“No, no - it’s not what it looks like, I swear! I wasn’t going to hurt you! I just needed - well, blood,” he says, words quick, running together as he retreats to the far side of her tent, putting as much distance between them as possible. 

He watches her put the pieces together, the realization burning in her eyes. “You - you’re a vampire. Of course! No wonder you didn’t want me investigating that damn boar.”

He’s losing the run of this conversation. He hadn’t really considered what would happen if he was caught…only that she was least likely to kill him. “It’s not what you think - I’m not some monster!” 

She gives him a hard look. “Waking up to you leaning over me with your fangs bared is going a long way in convincing me otherwise.”

He decides to ignore the sarcastic jab, though it might be the first time she’s ever been sarcastic with him. She’s suddenly a little more interesting. “Listen, I feed on boars, deer, kobolds - whatever I can get. I’m just too slow right now, too weak. If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better.” It’s not quite the truth, but it is contiguous to it. As he speaks, he watches the anger and surprise fade from her face, instead replaced with disbelief. 

Things could be going worse, he supposes. What would appeal to her at this moment? How can he get her on his side? It hits him then, like a lightning flash. He doesn’t know her well, but he does know that she can’t seem to turn down anyone who asks for help. So that’s exactly what he does.

 “ Please .” He infuses the word with as much genuine need as he can. 

Unbidden, their tadpole connection awakens. He’s not sure what she’s getting from him, but for a moment he senses a bone-deep need, bordering on desperation. She wants so badly to have something to offer, a way to be useful, to be needed . There is an undercurrent of fear within that need, but he would have to probe deeper to find out the why. And he is tempted, but but he doesn’t really care, actually. She wants to help. He can work with that. 

Still, these feelings transmitted across their connection make him pause. They are so at odds with the impassive, utterly unflappable facade she has turned toward all of them. For a moment he’s not sure that the feelings are really hers at all. 

She shakes her head with a grimace, the connection fading. “You could have just told me.”

Right, talking . He’s sure she would have loved to have a whole heart-to-heart about this. He rolls his eyes. “At best, I was sure you’d say no. More likely you’d ram a stake through my ribs.” That’s unlikely, he’s seen her do many things with her magic, but she doesn’t seem vaguely capable of stabbing anyone. That’s why he’s here. “No, I needed you to trust me. And you can trust me.”

She’s the trusting sort, anyway. She’s rather devoted to optimism, to looking for the best in their situation. He can see that she’s warring with herself, trying to be skeptical, to be cautious, but it’s against her nature. It takes almost no time at all for her to reply. “I do trust you.”

Good. Now he just needs her to agree to help him, so that he can finally know if he is free. “Thank you. Do you think you could trust me just a little further? I only need a taste, I swear.”

She stares at him and the moment catches, snags on this little request. He’s pushed her too far. She’s clever and observant, and he’s almost sure that she can see through this mild deception. He’s already resigning himself to hunting down some of the local wildlife, perhaps now that she knows what he is he can simply drain a cultist or bandit or - 

“Fine, but not a drop more than you need.”

“Really? I -” The agreement surprises him, and for a moment he’s rather speechless before he gets a handle back on himself. “Of course, not one drop more. Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?” He lowers his voice a bit, she’s agreed and he’s back in control. He gestures for her to lay back down, and she reluctantly does, eyes locked on him the whole time. 

There’s something strangely intimate about this arrangement as if her awareness of him has somehow heightened the moment. His own excitement is palpable, feels like it might burst right out of him. It’s time to find out just how free of Cazador he really is.

He moves slowly, deliberately, more confidently this time, and then he strikes, sinking his teeth into her neck. She might have gasped, but he’s not sure because at the first bright bloom of blood on his tongue, he is lost. Until a few days ago, he had not been sated, not once in two hundred years, but he didn’t realize quite how much he was starving until this moment. He drinks deeply, desperate for more, more, more. His hand is in her hair, clinging to her as if he is a man drowning, and perhaps he is. No wonder Cazador forbade this, the blood of a thinking creature is more incredible than he ever imagined. 

Distantly, he realizes he should probably stop before he drains her dry, but every swallow of blood is too powerful. Gods, he never wants this to end. 

Suddenly, her hand is on his shoulder, shoving him away, and at the unexpected contact, he is wrenched back into himself. He releases her immediately, dropping her gracelessly back onto her bedroll as he pulls away. The euphoria makes him lightheaded, and he sucks down breaths he doesn’t need on instinct alone. “That…that was amazing,” he manages, pressing a finger to catch the blood dripping down his chin, he licks it off without a thought, savoring every drop. He closes his eyes and straightens with a sigh. “My mind is finally clear. I feel strong. I feel…happy.” 

Liv looks a little pale, and a little alarmed. Has she realized how little control he really had? He hopes not. He confidently meets her gaze, until she looks away, reaching for her neck. Her fingers come away shining with blood. She stares at them a moment before wiping them off on her blanket, the concern fading to something impassive. “I guess all we need now is to see how you fight.”

“Shouldn’t take long. So many people need killing,” he says, unable to look away from the small rivulets of blood that stream down her collarbone. He very much wishes he could bend down and lick them away. And that is precisely why it’s time for him to leave. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, you’re invigorating, but I need something more filling.”

He doesn’t actually need anything of the sort. He is sated. Truly. There was a void within him that he didn’t even know could be filled, and now he feels more…solid. More real. Perhaps he’s been a ghost of himself for two centuries. He wants more of her blood the way he might want just another sip of the most exquisite vintage he’s ever had, but he doesn’t need it. Her blood was amazing, but would someone else’s taste even better? He very much wants to find out. 

She still sits on her bedroll, watching him with a complex look he’s not bothering to parse. She hasn’t said anything else, hasn’t attempted to fill the silence. Which is fine. He needs a moment, to consider all that this might mean. On his way out of her tent, he pauses. He is…strangely grateful. She has no idea what she’s given him. “This is a gift, you know. I won’t forget it.” And then he leaves, and stalks back to his own tent. 

The world is sharper, somehow, more alive than he’s ever seen it, even in the darkness. He’s never been more sure of himself, of his abilities, but he’s also never been so off balance. Cazador’s commandments don’t govern him, not anymore. Which means…he’s free. Cazador will be looking for him, that much he is certain of. He will not rest until Astarion is back in his clutches, but Astarion has been handed an opportunity here. An advantage. 

Things are different now. He is no longer bound to Cazador’s commands. And that means that perhaps he could stay free. Especially because he’s now surrounded by heroic do-gooding types who would jump at the chance to kill an evil vampire lord. But Astarion isn’t stupid, these people are unlikely to simply help him because he asks. And he knows he has very little to offer this group of warriors. He’s proficient enough fighting from the shadows, taking his time to land critical shots, he can even handle himself hand-to-hand if he must, but he’s no warrior Karlach or Lae’zel. He cannot do magic like Liv or Gale or Wyll. And he has no god standing behind him like Shadowheart. When compared to the others, he is utterly expendable.

So he must utilize some of his other talents to get them on his side, to keep him safe. There will be a price, there always is. But perhaps he could mitigate that by ingratiating himself a bit more, especially with their leader. It would be easy surely…to seduce her, manipulate her feelings. And then she’d never turn on him, would she? He’d be safe, and she’d want to help him with whatever he asked. And perhaps there might be more of her exquisite blood in his future. A win-win all around. 

The next morning, Liv wanders over cautiously. She’s plaited her hair down her shoulder, no doubt in some attempt to hide the bite mark on her neck. But it’s still rather obvious, and Astarion is sure their other companions have noticed. 

He keeps his voice light as she approaches. “Good morning, how do you feel?” He asks because he thinks he ought to and because he needs everyone in camp to see that there’s nothing of concern here. 

“I’m fine,” she replies, words somewhat automatic. “But there’s…there’s no after effects I should be worried about…?” 

“Oh no. I’m not a true vampire. A bite from them and you might wake up as a vampire spawn, like my good self. All of a vampire’s hunger, but few of the powers.”

If she is relieved, she doesn’t show it. “Is that how you can stand in the sun? Because you’re not a true vampire?”

And here come all the questions. He really doesn’t want to answer any of them, but across camp, their companions are watching the exchange tensely with unhappy eyes. He keeps his chin high, his voice loud enough to be overheard by all. As if his affliction was just something he wasn’t hiding, but had instead failed to mention to them, but certainly not to her. 

“Oh no, by all accounts I should be cinders by now. I hadn’t seen the sun for two hundred years before we crashed here. Someone - or something - wants me alive. They’ve changed the rules. Standing in the sun, wading through a river, wandering into homes without an invitation, they’re all perfectly mundane activities now. As for my other quirks, well we can figure those out in time.” He says the last line conspiratorily, angling himself toward her as if he could will everyone to believe that this makes them…friends. 

And because she’s nice and polite, she smiles. “Well, I’m glad you’re well.”

He puts a hand on his chest. “And I’m glad you’re being sensible about these revelations. I was worried people might turn up with torches and pitchforks. Although there’s still time…” Their companions have drifted near them, suspicion etched into every line of their faces. 

He feels a prick of fear. He is outnumbered. If they all turn on him, he’ll be utterly outmatched. But he refuses to cower. 

“So we’re traveling with a vampire, are we? Of course, we are,” Gale says. “A word of warning, Astarion: I taste absolutely awful.” With that remark, the tension eases somewhat. Besides, it sounds rather like a challenge. 

“I just better not wake in the night to find fangs at my throat,” Shadowheart replies cooly.

Lae’zel’s face is contorted in disgust. “A vampire among us, so be it. But should I wake with so much as a drop of blood on my neck, I will end him.”

Liv steps in before anyone else can get a snide remark in. “It’s alright, I trust him.” She says it so simply, so full of surety. She really means it. 

“Maybe we could get him to wear a bell, dissuade any night-time prowling,” Shadowheart shrugs. 

He knows that if he simply lets them carry on everyone will have something to say, so he steps in. “There now. We’re all friends again. Shall we go? There’s a long day ahead of us.”

The group reluctantly disperses, but Liv hasn’t gone anywhere. “We need to talk.” She looks very serious, and he doesn’t want to talk anymore. 

“Oh, come now. Everything’s fine! That went rather better than I was expecting.” 

But that’s clearly not what Liv is here to talk about; she’s not being dismissed that quickly. “I’d like to know what our plan is for keeping you fed in the future.”

Our plan for what now? It takes him a moment to realize that she’s not kidding. It’s a genuine question. He dismisses it with a wave of his hand. “You really needn’t be concerned. I’ve got it all perfectly under control.”

She gives him a doubtful look. “It felt in control last night.”

“And no one died,” he reminds her with a glare. 

She sighs, holding up her hands. “I just want to make sure that you’re fed. No one in our camp is going hungry if I can help it.”

The concern sounds damn genuine. It takes him by surprise. “I…I appreciate that. I suppose that now that you know what I am, I can fight with all of my weapons - teeth included. No innocents. You have my word. Only villains we need to kill anyway. If I happen to drain the occasional bandit during a fight, what’s the harm? They’re just as dead.” He’s not sure if he’s given her the right answer. 

She nods. “That works for me, but if you do find yourself in a tight spot, you can always ask. Preferably ahead of unsanctioned midnight snacking.”

Oh? An offer to come back for a bite? He smiles. “Of course. That sounds eminently reasonable. No more late-night surprises. You have my word on that. You know…you’re being awfully pragmatic about this whole thing.”

“You sound disappointed, would you prefer I cry or have a fainting spell over the revelation?” Is she joking with him, is that what this is now?

“Well, now that you mention it you do look a little peaked this morning.” The barb isn’t a very sharp one, but it creates distance between them all the same. He’s got a plan for her, but he doesn’t want it to feel like familiarity. 

Her voice is thick with sarcasm. “I do so love compliments first thing in the morning.” 

Oh, that’s an opening if he’s ever seen one. He steps close to her, lowering his voice. “I can try again if you like. I’m very good at compliments first thing in the morning.” He expects her to blush, perhaps she’ll demure, or maybe she’ll tell him to go on and compliment her. 

Instead, she steps back, utterly unfazed. “We’re going to be heading out soon.”

He grins as she walks away, oh, this is going to be fun. 

[kikithedeceiver]

For the Milgram ask game. How about question 2, 7, 12, 18, 21 for Mikoto :3

milgram character ask game !

I SHOULDN'T HAVE RAMBLED TO YOU ABOUT MILGRAM! DAMMIT, LIZ!

Fine my next fav, Mikoto...and John because you can't really talk about one without the other.

Also disclaimer: I'm a singlet. Just saying in case I offend anyone and feel free to correct me on anything I say wrong. Last question sort of get personal as well, so adding a read more.

2. favorite mv moment/frame?

Can't really choose because:

Mikoto looked so damn at peace here since he's finally able to catch a break

The devastation John felt when he finally realised he screwed Mikoto over big time for what he thought was good for him still hurts me every time I see this scene

7. favorite relationships with another character if they weren't in milgram, the way you'd imagine or would like them to be?

I do have this whole ass AU living in my head where no one is a murderer and living a healthier life, but still coping with their trauma of what could have led them to murder. Also it's more Amane-centred but ANYWAYS.

In that AU, where Mikoto isn't working in an exploitative asf company, yet still enjoys his line of work and can support his fam, I can see him trying to hang out with the rest of the cast from Milgram. Just anytime when he's off work, he'll catch up with whoever wants to chat for a bit. He'll go out with anyone! Maybe with Mahiru as she chats away about what's happening in her life, with Fuuta to just let him vent and maybe watch him play some arcade/mobile games, with Kotoko to just chill. Oh, there's still the smoking group! Night out drinking (Mikoto just gets non-alcoholic drinks tho).

As for Mikoto with John, I guess he'd try to come to terms that he basically has a headmate living inside him, but still try to stay optimistic about it. He knows John is looking out for him (no murder in this AU here), and he's working on communicating better with him too. Mikoto tries contacting him by writing stuff in a journal, and after a while, John also writes back. He also leaves sticky notes around their home to remind Mikoto to take care of himself.

Also also, John is here to listen to whatever is upsetting Mikoto, which he refuses to show anyone. Only John knows, and he comforts him as best as he can. Making sure Mikoto is tucked in, doing the chores around their home as Mikoto rest, etc.

12. what do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I really hope I'm not saying anything wrong here, but here goes...

It's mentioned a lot by fans already that they wished John wasn't the stereotypical bad alter that's always shown in media, but hey, he has layers and more personality than just assumed to be a cold, ruthless murderer, so we got that! I guess what I wish talked about more is how stress from work is a factor in why John committed the murder for Mikoto's sake. There are reasons behind why the murder happened, and honestly, I think it's the company Mikoto worked at that caused this whole thing to spiral out of control for them. Doesn't justify murder, but I can see why John did what he did when he believed what he did was to relieve Mikoto's stress, thus saving him.

18. which non-deco vocaloid songs do you think suit them?

I'm still thinking, but I think Lost One's Weeping fits Mikoto well. Mikoto tried so hard to do well and please everyone, but he is finally cracking since what he tried to pursue wasn't what he thought it would be, and now he's lost. However, I thought of The Servant of Evil fits John as well since he's willing to die for Mikoto if it meant no further harm would come to him.

21. do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

...You're really asking me this.

*inhales*

In a sense, yes. It's very personal and I don't want to get into too much of it here, but I just want to protect whatever goodness I have in myself while continuing to exist. I want that part of me to be happy, that's all.

[wayvsphantom]

ok hihihi im home from kcon so i wanna write everything i felt n saw before i forget it lmaoooo

nmixx: honestly super cute!! i didnt know the TWO songs they did but they were fun little summertime bops! i was up and moving for their "the feels" twice cover tho and i thought i was sick of that song shout out to the girlies for performing it really well!

ive: ok i dont know if my section is just women hating or women defending but my whole row sat down for their TWO songs and everyone got on their phones (including me!) instead of watching. I was genuinely upset and angry that the stylists for ive put them (actual minors, actual schoolgirls) in slutty schoolgirl uniforms, furthering the sexualization of minors needlessly and im glad people around me were also not supportive of it. anyway i heard them perform kitch (got literally no love from my section) and love dive (slightly more love from my section) but pls can they get some help im tired of seeing them do an overly sexual love dive dance break in slutty outfits when they are actual minors

cravity: they had good energy! i didnt know their TWO songs but they had good vibes and worked really hard!

taeyong: ok i thought i wasnt gonna vibe w his set but he came onstage and i LOST MY FUCKING MIND!!! like he really just has a star energy on stage it cant be stopped like he was my first ever nct bias and hes everyones bias for a reason!!! also shalala was so fun live the bass shook my bones fr ! taeyong you were great !! he should be really proud of that performance (of his TWO songs)

shownu n hyungwon: ok i did not realize how much i loved them until they performed on stage they were both so fucking good ?? like i fully need a mx tour bc i wanna see them so bad now ?? they peformed those TWO songs w such a fun sexy grown man energy that i was deeply missing lmao 10/10 pls come back to LA

wayv <3: OK U KNOW IM SOFT ON THEM BUT OMG THEY WERE SO FUCKING CRAZY GOOD WEISHENV U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS THEY CAME OUT TO SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMS I COULDNT BREATHE I WASNT READY AND THEN IT WAS A NEW SONG (that i was not feeling i cant lie) BUT THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE KCON THEME SONG OR WHATEVER so i was able to breathe again.... anyway fake out over they came back later in the night and they WE4RE INSANE!!! LOVE TALK!!! U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!! EVERYONE KN EW EVERY GODDAMN WORD TO THAT FUCKING SONG!! I was getting teary wayv u r not a flop u are the most famous group in the world!!! xiaojun is unreal pretty btw also yangyang and hendery.... omg TEN!!! TEN IS SO TALENTED AND PRETTY!! also i fully understand the winwin hype now i would die to protect that man ok okokokokokokok INCREDIBLE!!! they also gave us eng ver of phantom she was cute too!! the dance break finale gave me chills omg but i was missing kun :/ wish they couldve at least mentioned him but whatever.... WAYV WORLD TOUR ASAP

taemin <3: honestly the greatest performer ive ever seen live like holy shit thats a once in a lifetime talent right in front of me like yes i am very biased that is my ult right there but like he truly cannot ever be replicated. he came out swinging w advice and the boom that was "NEVER GET THE KEYS TO MY LOCK" the crowd was readdyyyyyyy and after advice this man got a 5min standing ovation every single person there recognized his god given gift to serve and it was incredible to see LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY AND THEN THIS MAN GETS ON THE GROUND AND WE'RE DOING FUCKING CRIMINAL??? THE SONG THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY?? and he even did the slutty little cuff removing w mouth move and i lost my v oice screaming so hard i feel so lucky to have seen that my life cannot get better anywayyyyyy MOVE!!! WE MOVED!!! HE MOVED THEY MOVED I MOVED WE ALL MOVED!!! THE GIRL THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE MOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! those hips.......... yeasssss......... !!!!! he was swinging that concave ass like his life depended on it! he was also soooo flustered from everyone going insane like ik he wasnt expecting it taemin you will be famouus for a thousand years babygirl and he said big shinee news coming soon so !!! soooo!!! world tour!!!!

ok i think i hit every group i will unpack the wayv m&g too but i just had to get this all out kcon will pay for their crimes of 2 song every artist like i'll never go to kcon again or recommend it to anyone but i had fun!

[dalkyeom]

📌— Weekly Chan ; SKZ break!

This announcement has been a long time coming but I wanted to come here and let you know that I’ll be stepping away from creating skz content for the foreseeable future.

Tbh I didn’t know how to tell everyone that I wouldn’t be drawing for them anymore. Maybe, because I found myself comfortable with the community I found myself in but my passion to create fanart for them dwindled over the past few months. I held on thinking this is a fluke, but I think it's time for me to explore other interests of mine. I wanted to stay but I found myself frustrated with feeling like I'm putting myself in a box. honestly, it was the lack of traction or how hard it was for my work to be seen that was a big factor in wanting to leave. I stand by the fact that feedback is vital for an artist's motivation to continue making the things they do. The lack of it made me question if it was even worth continuing to draw for skz bc while I love them a lot, not having my works reach a larger pool of Stays was pretty taxing. also the fact I was hidden in the basement did not help :(

Sadly, my love for Chan couldn't soothe the creative frustration I was in. So I guess it's just time to go, step outside for awhile, and explore new worlds.

As a staytist, I want to thank you for liking my art 🥺 and I hope they were able to give some comfort or healing. Most of them were made out of sheer love for the group bc for a long time Stray Kids were my home. They provided me happiness that I wanted to share too. I’ll never forget reading the nice tags and the nice asks you’ve sent my way! Thank you for welcoming me to the fandom even though I don’t interact as much.

So I want to say, please love your content creators. editors, writers, fanartists— the whole nine yards bc without them you can feel the lack of an integral part of the fandom experience. If their works make you happy and you want to see more from them: share their work, send them love and asks, comment, engage— anything that can help share their work around bc we spend so much time creating things out of love for free! Let them know you appreciate the work they’ve put into the things they love. The least we ask for is to share works we spent lots of time on.

Thank you for reading! I hope I can still see you around while I make art for other interests. Under the cut will be about Weekly Chan updates and a more in depth explanation/ goodbye letter/ final thoughts since the important stuff has been said.

Weekly Chan has 19 more portraits to go before I can say I’m officially finished with the project. So, I’ll be working on those on/off because more than anything, I want to see it done. Weekly Chan started as a normal dedicated fan project for Bang Chan (mainly out of Chanrot) that became a source of wanting to spread warmth to fellow stays much like how Chan does weekly through Chan’s Room.

I made a goal of 100 portraits by his birthday, and since I’m close to finishing it I’ll be seeing it through 💖 as a gift because Chan has done a lot for me, like an extra booster when I feel like I’m doing things alone. There is no definite end date since I'll take my time finishing it. He is, after all one of the stars I cherish the most.

Tbh aside from the whole art-related stuff. Around March, I think I was already finding myself detaching from skz. It was like a gradual loss of motivation to keep following them. I'm sure if you were a follower of my @/mocimori blog you've heard me cry over it a couple of times. Mainly it was a culmination of many things but the speed the community was going (lovestay > oddinary) and over saturation made me feel what I felt towards Genshin twt's fast paced consumption of new content.

getting tickets to their Maniac Tour was what broke the chiamel's back. I was tasked to secure tickets so my fam and my friend can watch the show with me, but I underestimated how stressful it was. No amount of preparation could prepare me for ticketing day. The fact that there was no membership pre-sale made it 10x more stressful it was as if we were on the hunger games as involuntary Katniss Everdeens at the quarter quell. It was that bad. I ended up sick from the preparation stress and the crushing weight of not being able to secure even 1 ticket. Eventually, I did manage to secure tickets when they open sales for Newark D1 but the exhaustion I felt stuck to me like tar.

I think I was just hoping to go back to the way it was. The ticketing left a bad taste in my mouth and omo, this is a fault of mine but messy fandom stuff will slip in my radar even though I try to keep my feed negative-free. Then I heard about how Staytists were being treated by fellow Stays (reposting of art w/out consent, rating fanart on tiktok — basically just disrespectful behavior) I had a hard time trying to reconnect afterwards.

Also this post is getting way too long so I shall tl;dr what was going on with my Chan ult'ing journey but eventually the sparks just faded out. It was probably a combination of so many things and the pressure of wanting to draw Chan on a weekly basis, sometimes 3-5x a week that it just… took its toll on me…

it came to a point where I would cry over Chan at random hours of the day. I missed him, I felt guilty bc suddenly he was no longer the center of my thoughts. I felt guilt bc I knew people knew me as that Chan fanartist. It was silly, how I let a kpop boy affect me this much but I held him with the highest regard. He was my star; out of all the biases I ult'd he had the most special position and was a symbol of hope. Having a hard time relate to him, feeling so detached made me feel bad. As if the security blanket was ripped away from my fingers.

sometimes, I still cry over him. It's no longer as bad as that time I cried over him for a week or two straight. I reflected a bit because yeah, it was a bit silly of me but when he was the source of all my hope when I felt like I had no one— even if it was that small of an interaction, I felt like what I'm feeling is valid. So, yeah, I just feel like it's ok for me to let go now. I think it was more of my fear of leaving behind a community that made me want to stick around. Other than the pressure, I just feel like throughout the last few months I lost what little creativity I had bc I wanted to follow trends, I had to box this outlet for the sake of accuracy and aaah idk it was just not healthy anymore.

i'll still support the Kids in my own way. At the end of the day, they're still my ults and I love the music they make. But I wanted to write this so you won't worry wth happened to me and the skz art. It's not really a goodbye but maybe, a see you soon!

thank you for everything!

[notesandchai]

01.10.2023

2022 Winter (Q2)

Week 7 Day 2

It's nice to be 'home'. It is. Throws me off my rhythm though. It would be nicer if I did not get so distracted by everyone in the house, my brother comes in and I get distracted, my mother stops to ask me a question and we keep talking for like 40 minutes. I'll go downstairs for a quick snack and won't end up back in my room until I've made a cup of tea and accidentally watched half an episode of whatever's on TV and also gotten into an argument with someone.

What's worse is that I feel terrible for keeping my visits home short and sweet. I planned out this trip perfectly to align with my brother's birthday, a high school friend's engagement lunch, and my 9 day cycle in the numerology app. If I'm almost a quarter of a century old, I should be able to make my plans and stick with them. Somehow, I've gotta release the hold other people's words have on me... or at least just my dad heehee.

All of this is just pulling my attention away from the theories and ethics discussion posts I have to write by tonight as I will be d r i v i n g thru K a n s a s tomorrow.

We're a bit down on strength today. I'm doing my absolute best to stay out of my comfy, cozy bed. I've sat up at this table, and I've gotten my notion updated for this week's assignments and tasks. I've gotten some journaling started (thank you, audience <3).

Today:

The plan is to start by attacking the Feminist Theory chapter for Dr. K's theories course. There's also an overview video I will dive into after posting that should give me some general context before I start breaking my brain with the text. Then it's a simple case conceptualization (I say simple but this class is the one I struggle with the most as I orient myself theoretically) for the discussion post. I will get this done tonight {if I could just breeze through it, I would love that @ "the universe" thx}

Then I dive into some ethics ~ this week we're talking boundary violations. There's a chapter on it in the text and some references to find violations in my local state board's website... how exciting -- then a quick discussion post (again, I say quick, yet I barely crawl along it seems). I will also get this done tonight...

and all with enough time and energy and mental/physical eye power to finish the last half of the new Matilda musical with the fam. Techniques will wait until Thursday, once I have already driven through Kansas.

May doc have mercy on my soul (@ doc hudson from Cars)

[thepercy6andtheradicalsabbatical]

Post hike- Positano hang plus trip back by ferry/bus-

We then hung out on the beach in Positano a bit. The one sliver of free public beach that tourists were allowed on was super packed, but still fun and it felt great to cool off in the Mediterranean after a long hot hike. After we had our fill of beach time we hopped on a ferry to Amalfi which was smooth and easy (see time lapse video). We then planned to take a bus back up the cliffs to Pianillo and tried to get on the first bus we saw headed that direction but were told it was full. Matt then went off to buy advance bus tickets at the tabach store and when he returned found the fam in line for another bus, which apparently everyone rushed to once they realized there was a second bus. So despite being very near the front of the line initially we barely made it on this bus and ended up without seats with Matt and Becca crammed in the aisle and the kids squeezed on the stairs leading down to the rear door of the bus. This was only the beginning of the excitement as we set off along narrow roads with hairpin turns and big drops. The bus seemed to have several different types of horn indicating different things, with the most exciting being one that sounded vaguely like a European ambulance siren that Matt thinks meant, "Look out, I am coming through!” as it was used prior to barreling through tiny tunnels or around blind corners. About 15 min into what was supposed to be a 50 min ride we came to a standstill and sat there for about 15 min watching a jumbled mess where a bus coming down the switchback above us couldn’t get by a long string of cars. Eventually people got off that bus and directed all cars to be able to reverse down the road and up a side road, then let the bus through and things started moving again. From there things got easier as people started to get off the bus the higher up the cliffs we got and we eventually all made it into seats and got off at our faithful pizzeria nando stop. We were hungry after the big day so we decided to try and eat there, but after walking into the restaurant and standing around a bit while various locals came in and out and workers buzzed by (we also had kids use the bathroom there), we were told the restaurant didn’t open until 7. As it was about 6:30 we decided to walk home, shower/change and then walk back up the hill for dinner. Emily had a crazy pizza with french fries on top and Matt couldn’t resist ordering the “super fantasy” pizza which was ok, but definitely not as good as some we’d had in Napoli. We headed home and to bed with no loud bangs or music in the distance noticed tonight.