#also i wanted to shorten mutuals to something but the only thing that came to mind was mutes and that would be so problematic

[theragamuffininitiative]

When it seems to have been a particularly rough day/night for the mutuals and you just wanna tell them it will be ok and also that your ask box and dms are always open (anon or not) and they can feel free to ask for space to vent and be listened to, or to be talked off a ledge, or say they just want nice songs or funny videos or dumb memes. Hang in there besties and beasties, there is always hope.

[pigcowboys]

Hi boo(i hope that was not too cringe)! Could you pls do a percy jackson, enemies to lovers! story? Like in everyone in the Camp knows their hatred against each other but then they get send on a quest together and end up kissing each other to disguise their quest?!

I would really appreciate it!

Have a good Day!

pairing: percy jackson x gn! reader (2nd pov is used but someone does say 'chick')

summary: much to your displeasure, you find yourself on a quest with the one person you hate the most.

warning(s): BICKERING. mutual pining (they just don't know it yet.), kissing, swearing, enemies to lovers.

a/n: IT WASNT CRINGE DWW HAHA, i tried my best!! school starts for me pretty soon so im trying to write as much as i can before i have to go back.. (also im sorry abt the images i dont know whats going on with my computer.)

you hated them, everyone of them.

that wretched camp and it's obnoxious staff oh, and don't even get you started on that stupid oracle. she set you up! they all did.

gods, why of all people did it have to be him?

perseus jackson - most of the time shortened to just percy jackson, maybe even peter johnson at times. what an ass he was.

believe it or not when you first came to camp half-blood you had actually taken a liking to him. he was cute, full of energy and full of endless bravery, your exact type.

you weren't sure when it begun, your hatred for him, that is. it kind of just..started. when? not sure. your exact guess must've been that one valentine's day when he accidentally sneaked the last muffin at breakfast. yeah, that must've been it.

to be honest though, you didn't need a reason. you just did, and you weren't exactly quiet about it either. from the day you started to hate his guts all his advances to be nice to you were met with a glare or a huff. sometimes you'd just straight up walk away from him.

so, it basically didn't take him long to send you back the same glares or huffs or even the smallest mutter of 'geez, not this chick again..' everyone hoped the feud would dissipate, that the two of you would grow the fuck up and call a truce.

too bad their prayers didn't help.

infact, you were pretty sure that even if the gods themselves came down from olympus and said 'get along or die right here' you'd pick the latter in a heartbeat.

so, when you'd initially been called into chiron for some 'great news' you'd expected him to tell you that percy had finally decided to leave camp - or that you'd won the lottery. fuck, you wished that was it.

"hey, stay on your side, bucko!" you said, nudging percy to the side aggressively. "i'm not on the market, especially for you."

"can you be serious for second!" percy snapped back, his eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "we have to prove to chiron that we can do this." he turned back to face the front. "or...we're in for another lecture."

"i wouldn't mind, really," you grinned. "i've perfected the art of sleeping with my eyes open."

"if only you could perfect the art of silence.."

you glared at him.

the two of you were submerged underwater at the moment in one of percy's bubbles. chiron had asked of you to go to queens in order to do..something? you didn't really pay attention to chiron at the time - besides, you were thinking about drowning yourself in the nearest lake when you'd heard the percy going on the quest with you in tow. the only thing you could remember was that it was super important to not let anyone see you.

something about the appearance of two demigod children to monster being dangerous? you weren't sure why he thought the things wouldn't be able to sniff you out anyways.

the bubble wasn't even your idea to be fair. you'd suggested just taking the train, as it much easier but percy disagreed - as usual. said it would be quicker to just swim over via bubble transfer and although you wanted to disagree, you settled on the idea that the station at this time would be packed as hell.

so you bit your tongue and allowed yourself to be trapped in a bubble with percy for about a half an hour or so.

"ugh, how much longer..?" you asked, adjusting your clothes uneasily. the bubble wasn't by any means uncomfortable just..kind of warm? weirdly enough. percy didn't spare you a glance only opting to shurg his shoulder slightly as he focused on the vast ocean in front of the two of you.

you glared at him from your spot in the bubble, uncomfortably crossing your legs as you turned away from him, jumping when you realized a never before seen fish was staring into your soul from outside the bubble. it wasn't a surprise to you to see the fish, percy was the son of poseidon, you expected him to go full aquaman one day and pull up to camp half blood with a stream of wild dolphins and squids.

still, the beady little dead eyes scared the shit out of you. and in your natural knee jerk reflex, you moved back, inching into percy and bumping his shoulder. he turned to face you with a distasteful look, face contorting in confusion when he noticed the small school of fish now gathering.

your face morphed into one of uncomfort as you gazed at the tons of fish that seemed to spawn out of nowhere. "uh..can you call your friends off?"

percy seemed to share a look with the fish, a look of embarrassment flashing over his face briefly as he glared at them intensely. you looked on at the exchange in silence because, was he really talking to fishes? the fish eventually scrammed after a while and you and percy were back on your way. silence fell over the two of you before you spoke up suddenly.

"i didn't know you spoke fish.."

"drop it."

"i think we're here." percy annouced as the bubble started to drift closer to shore. were you guys there? you weren't sure at all. you were just happy to be out of that bubble - the close proximity was making you break out.

you were in fact there, somehow. and it was by then it hit you that this was a quest - a really important mission for a demigod and since it was assigned to specifically you and percy, it meant you had to deliver.

your duo walked towards the city, looking around for any suspicious looking civilians or any sign of irregular activity. it would've been an easy task to scope out the objective of the mission if it wasn't for percy's loud breathing.

seriously, you could hear him practically breathing down your neck as the two of you walked. him and his stupid big nostrils - you couldn't focus.

"mind breathing a little less loud?"

percy blinked at you. "these requests are starting to get literally concerning." his face contorted in confusion. "how the hell does one 'breathe a little less loud' ?"

"they not be percy jackson."

"that wasn't even english??"

you were about to say something else smart when a couple of people ahead caught your attention, they weren't inherently weird looking but, you got this vibe from them - that they weren't completely human. your mind raced as you looked around as nonchalantly as you could.

there were people here. to your right, 2 parents and their one hyperactive son who clawed at the ice cream in front of him with his tongue, a bright smile on his face and to your left a group of younger looking teenage girls who were chatting brightly. most likely about hair dye because their highlights were so bright they were giving you eye cancer.

you thought fast. pulling percy by his wrist as you dashed down the street, rushing into the nearest store slash tourist attraction you could as you pushed him into the corner roughly, looking behind you to see if the people had followed you.

he gave you a completely surprised look, slight annoyance forming on his face as he exhaled heavily. "is there any reason you felt like dragging me into this.." he looked around, eyes landing on a random cowboy hat that was situated on a hook in the corner of the place. "slightly..cool place?" he finished, grabbing the cowboy hat and observing it curiously.

"i saw them, well - i think i did.." you mumbled out, looking around erratically as you watched out for any signs of being followed. percy quirked an eyebrow at you.

"the IRS finally caught you orr.."

"percy, this is serious!" you exclaimed, growing slightly embarrassed when the store owner shot the two of you a look. you smiled at the owner awkwardly, ushering percy into a corner with your hand.

"look, i'm pretty sure i found the guys we were going here for." you said, still stealing glances behind you. "i saw them..just now, when were walking."

"did they follow us?" percy asked, more seriously now.

"i'm not sure," you frowned.

percy thought for a moment before speaking once more."they wouldn't do anything with all these humans here - we just have to make sure we blend in."

"and how do you suppose we do that?"

percy grinned at you, reaching over to grab another hat that was right next to the one he'd picked up earlier.

you grimaced, who's idea was it to put you two together?

"do you think we lost them?"

"nah, we definitely still need the disguises."

the two of you were situated on the street currently, attempting to look as normal as possible. though, it was pretty hard to with these stupid cowboy hats percy insisted the two of you had to wear. claimed it would be "inconspicuous" but in reality it was extremely, eye catching.

you figured he just wanted you to wear it so he could laugh behind your back about how utterly foolish you looked. it didn't help that he'd picked out the hat with the corniest design for you - and it was bedazzled.

you let of a huff of frustration. "can we switch? this one's too big on me., i'm half blind here, man."

"you'll live," percy reassured. "besides, it's better if they can't see your face."

"what's the use? they'll just sniff us out eventually."

percy shot you a look. "you're no fun."

you opened your mouth to say something when percy's face changed as he locked eyes with something behind you. you barely had time to react when he pulled you into a brutal bear hug, turning you away from whatever it was that was behind you.

your muscles tensed as your face started to burn with embarrassment. a "what the fuck, percy?" was muffled into his shirt as you felt the presence of the monsters nearing closer. your heart sank to your feet as realized how near they were really.

"whatever i do.." percy whispered in your ear. "just promise you won't be too mad."

"what're you talk-"

and then before you knew it, you'd lost your lip virginity. i mean, it wasn't the worst first kiss story you'd have to tell people. boy kissed me in order to distract the bloodthirsty monsters that were tracking us down! wow, how romantic.

in all honesty, you knew percy just did what he had to do. you knew he just had to keep you to keep your disguises up. that was probably the rest why you leaned into the kiss, hands coming up to rest on his chest as his brutal bear hug eased into more a gentle hug, his hands moving the hold your hips.

the kiss had to look real - romantic. that's why you pretend to be so into it that you let out a satisfied hum. you weren't sure if the monsters had moved on from the two of you, you weren't even sure if you were safe at all in the moment. but, it was starting to get hard to think as your mind swirled with various conflicting thoughts that stemmed from your actions at the moment.

percy broke the kiss, his eyes gazing into your curiously as he removed his hands from your hips slowly. you removed your hand from his chest, pulling away gently. your eyes searched his own for any sign of discomfort or disgust as you started to grow weary of the fact he'd just stolen your first kiss.

yet, you were surprised to find that there was none - just confusion and surprise. you tore your eyes away from him, clearing your throat. as you fixed your outfit. "i..i think i saw them go somewhere over there." you pointed at the secluded alleyway not too far from where you and percy stood. "let's go - we can get the drop on them."

percy stared at you for a moment before nodding, slightly dazed and following you towards the alleyway silently.

the ride back home - or should you say float back home was silent, as it always was. though, something different seemed to be hanging in the air this time. a feeling of awkwardness that was mostly unnatural to you and percy.

you wanted to ask about it - the kiss, why did he do it? why was that first thing he came up with? why did he lean into you slightly? why did the world seemed to stop for a second when your lips met and most of all whyyy the hell did you want it to happen again?

you stole a glance at percy. the two of you were a few feet away from each other, on opposite sides of the bubble. maybe you were going crazy or something but did percy look..good? you swore it was just because of the mixed feelings you had about him being your first but you couldn't shake the thought about how beautiful he looked in the moment.

okay, something's not right.

"do you wanna talk about it?" you blurted out suddenly, shifting positions as you leaned forward slightly. percy turned to look at you, he wasn’t annoyed nor angry, not even suicidal. he looked, enamored — and slightly caught off guard by your question.

"talk about what exactly?"

your eyebrows furrowed. "you kissed me, percy jackson." you pointed at him accusingly. "and you liked it."

percy blew a raspberry, a slightly surprised look on his face. "what makes you think i liked it?"

you paused. had you read something wrong? you thought about dropping the idea but thought against it, deciding to die on that hill. "because your hands somehow found their way onto my hips," you started. "and your lips pursed — and your heartbeat picked up little by the little the longer it lasted."

you crossed your legs, inching away from percy as you gave him a small frown. "and..you looked at me weird." percy's face was flushed as he looked at you silently from his position on the other side of the bubble.

"how did i look at you..?"

you glanced at him. "like you didn't want to drown me in the lake and leave my body for the fishes." you joked. "like..you didn't hate me."

"i don't hate you."

your head spun towards percy, your eyes widened comically. you opened your mouth to say something but the words were caught in your throat. percy analyzed you before speaking once more.

"i don't think i ever have, it's just - you're very annoying." percy sighed. "and it sucks because you're more attractive than you think you are." you stared at him in silence. your heart pounded in your chest as you gulped.

"do you like me?"

"do you like me?" percy repeated with emphasis on the me.

you laughed, inching towards percy on the other side of the bubble. "i do." you stopped in front of him, a warm smile on your face as you watched a smile break out onto his face. "i like you too." he whispered, staring at you quietly before leaning forward slightly to test the waters.

you instantly took the bait, leaning forward as well as you locked lips with percy one again. a bolt of lightning shot through you as you leaned into his touch, placing your hand on his shoulder as you climbed into his lap. percy seemed more than happy to have you there, his hands coming to rest on your hips so he could keep you steady.

you broke the kiss, hands slithering around his neck as you looked down at him with a small smile. you were about to say something when your attention was brought to the sickly sight of a line of fish outside the bubble once again. you yelped in surprise, stumbling back slightly and if it wasn't for percy's grip on you, you probably would've busted your ass.

percy looked behind him, slightly annoyed at the presence of the fish. it lingered for a bit longer before dashing off reluctantly. at which point, percy turned to you with a frown. you eyed him curiously.

"what?"

"he's going to tell everyone about the '2 demigods getting it on in the bottom of the sea'. "

[dreamingofbucky]

Inescapable

chapter two

summary: you followed miguel after work, or tried to. things are happening in nueva york and someone is starting to try to be a hero. you decide to get wine drunk and accidentally fantasize about miguel.

tags/warnings: more dick!miguel sorry, sex fantasy/dream, wine drunk, degradation kink, fang kink?, slight praise kink too if you squint, masturbation (f), more mutual hatred between miguel and reader but really it's just obvious pent up attraction and sexual tension 😏

wordcount: 2.6k

author's note: thank you for all the support and likes/reblogs! It means so much to me. Also thank you for 400 followers! That's a milestone for me, ily. fyi not beta read.

tag list: @yehet-moi-ohorat @127aliciia @keepingitlokiii @soseoulol @netey6m @miggyoharaswife @thesecretwriter @natthernandez

series masterlist

You wouldn’t call yourself a stalker, per se, but it would look like it from the outside. 

Your steps followed Miguel’s broad back a couple yards away as the both of you left work. 

He never came back to his desk, or at least during the time you spent standing there after finding that damn card. There wasn’t anything else for you to do but pick up the project packet and return to your own desk and start on it. The work wasn’t too difficult, but it kept you busy for the rest of the work day. 

Once you headed down to the lobby and was ready to make your trek through the campus, that’s when you saw him. You weren’t sure if you should talk to him again, ask about the card, so you kept your distance. But you were determined to follow him. 

Why? You didn’t know exactly why. A gut feeling, you suppose. 

So there you two were, walking yards away from each other on Alchemax campus. The grass was lush green and it was a grand contrast to the grass around Nueva York. Only some parks still have fresh, vibrant green grass to enjoy looking at. Majority of the city didn’t maintain the rest well enough. 

Another perk, you guessed, to moving to a slightly better part of town. Things were better maintained. 

You attempted to keep your steps light as you noticed you were gaining up on the giant. You didn’t want to get caught, so you had to shorten your stride. Even with his large frame and height, his steps seemed to slow. You even had to step to the side and hide behind a tree when you noticed he was turning his neck to look behind him. 

Now, you were definitely a stalker if you weren’t before. 

“Deep breaths, just talk to him,” you scolded yourself. You pressed your palms flat against your dress and obeyed your own orders. You breathed in deeply before exhaling. 

As you took a step to the right and began to swivel your body away from the tree, you crashed into a wide chest. You yelp at the sudden impact before looking up and eyes widening. 

“Were you following me?” Miguel’s eyes narrowed and a scowl was plastered over his features. 

“Wha—? Me? Definitely not. Just walking home!” You laughed in the least convincing tone. You lifted a hand to brush a strand of hair that fell in front of your face. His eyes stay on you and your heart continues to hammer against your chest. 

Why are his eyes so intense? They weren’t like this before…

“You sure?” 

His tone is monotone and it makes it even harder to think of a response. Your inside fills with dread and it’s nothing like how you used to feel with him whenever you bumped into him around town. 

Just ask him about the date and then leave, you told yourself. You take a deep breath and Miguel watches you intently. 

“I-uh, I did want to ask you something,” you start. 

A brow raises and he waits. The silence between you two fills and it only makes your palms sweat, your heart race even more, and your knees get wobbly. 

“Alright, well, you see… We were supposed to meet. And I just wanted to know what happened. And if everything was okay.” 

His brown eyes stay on you and you suddenly feel like a bunny under the gaze of a vulture in the sky. His demeanor didn’t shift as he glanced his eyes down to your chest and then back up again. You swallowed. 

“I forgot,” he plainly states. 

Of course, he did. That’s why he had that card on his desk…

“But the card on your desk—”

“You went through my things?” He bares his perfect teeth and a squeak comes out of your lips out of fright. You shake your head incessantly. 

“No, of course not! Well, actually, yes but just to see that tiny little card. I swear!” You were the worst liar and you knew you wouldn’t be able to fib in front of this man. 

His eyes narrow. “You shouldn’t be touching things that aren’t yours.” 

“Back to the card, it was about our dat—”

“I’m not sure what you saw, but it wasn’t anything important.” He places his hands on his hips and you feel dejected immediately. 

Wasn’t anything important.

“Of course, my apologies. It wasn’t important,” you hissed back. If he wanted to be a jerk, then you could too. 

“Good,” he states matter of factly. 

“Good!” You yelled back, a little too eagerly. You were even pressed up on your tiptoes to bring yourself a little closer to his leaning face. There’s a slight falter in his expression, a smile perhaps, at your reaction. 

“Don’t follow me, it’s not wise.” 

“Are you picking up your daughter?” You slip out. 

“My daughter? How did you know about her?” He was starting to retreat back before he presses closer to you and there’s nothing else you can do but back up into the tree. The bark brushes against your bare shoulders and even through the fabric of the dress that covered your back. 

“You told me about her! Why are you acting like you forgot? What’s going on?” You didn’t mean to sound so desperate, but your voice betrayed you. 

“I’ve got to go,” he shakes his head. “Don’t follow me, I’m serious.” 

“Okay, fine! You know I’m glad that date didn’t happen, you’re an ass.” You roll your eyes and then widen them, not believing you just said that out loud. It wasn’t like you to do this kind of stuff, stand up for yourself to pricks. You usually just walk away and forget about it. 

This new attitude of Miguel’s just seems to push every nerve ending of yours and makes you want to push back. He was infuriating in just a single day and you couldn’t believe you’d have to deal with him the rest of the month on this project. You really did hope he’d continue the deal where you can do the majority of the work and he’d do…whatever the hell he’d be doing. 

Distance would do you both some good. 

He laughs, breaking you from your thoughts. “You don’t know when to shut up.” 

“Fuck you,” you spit, getting the courage to take a step forward and brush your chest to his. You don’t miss the way his brown eyes gleam for whatever reason before he finally takes a step back. 

“Qué maravilla. Te encantaría, ¿no?,” he drawls sarcastically. 

You’d love to wouldn’t you, is what he basically spit back. You knew enough Spanish to understand the prick at least. 

“Argh!” You scream, wanting to pull your hair out because of this ass. “I’m going home! Definitely not following you anymore!” 

Before he could cage you in anymore than he already has, you brush past him, making sure your shoulder made impact with his chest before you walk away. You turn your head back once you’re far enough and he’s still there near the damn tree.

But his eyes are stuck on you and a scowl is back at his face. 

What the fuck is this man’s problem? He must’ve fallen and hit his head. Got a concussion or something and decided to wake up and be an ass. 

Whatever it was, you didn’t want it ruining your day anymore. You huffed and turned back to head out of the campus and get home as quickly as you could. 

You’d do your best to get rid of the image of Miguel O’Hara as best as you could tomorrow. You’d do your work and then leave. Simple.  

***

The news wasn’t exciting. When was it ever? 

It’s Friday night and you’re indulging in your second wine bottle and some chocolates. Well, the chocolates were eaten an hour ago, so you just had the wine. But your eyes continue to glance at the TV in your living room. 

There was some kind of disturbance a few neighborhoods away and it became a huge thing last night apparently. The news is just broadcasting updates from it. You didn’t get home in time to watch what happened on the big screen last night, so you’re just getting lame recaps. 

Apparently some kind of vigilante stepped in and helped out and saved the day. There wasn’t any film footage of the person, but it was obvious it wasn’t law enforcement. 

The Nueva York PD wasn’t exactly the best. They dipped their hands in shady shit and even were paid by big crime lords to not butt their heads in their work. No wonder your city was a never-ending shit hole. It’d never get better with this kind of shit. 

But it was home. You could leave, but you wouldn’t.

You fill your wine glass one more time before laying back on the couch. Your thoughts drift to earlier today when you saw Miguel again. You swore you’d keep your distance, but just like the many weeks of you bumping into him around town, you seemed to do the same at work now. 

He was walking down the same hallway on a different floor than your prospective offices. You were about to turn a corner when his eyes lifted to yours and caught your attention. It was brief, but there was an odd occurrence. 

He bared his teeth at you when you gave him a scowl when you both passed each other. And you swore you saw something sticking out in his mouth. 

Fangs.

But that was stupid. Who would wear fake fangs in their mouth, especially at work. Unless he was into that kind of freaky shit. 

Safe to say, you dodged a bullet with that one. You didn’t need to busy yourself trying to get attention from a fake vampire wannabe. 

But your wine drunk brain was itching for some fun time and since you were already thinking about Miguel, that’s where it started drifting toward. You close your eyes, letting the TV tune out in the background before you think of things you shouldn’t. 

Miguel seemed so kind and soft when you first met him. But something clearly changed. There’s a tenacity to him now and it’s even more commanding and it… kind of turned you on right now just thinking about it. You’d curse yourself tomorrow morning when you sober up and remember this dirty little fantasy about the prick, but your wine drunk self was content in this. 

So, you dived right in this fantasy. It wouldn’t hurt anyone, so why not. 

As your left hand kept the wine glass rooted on your chest, your right hand traveled to your pajama shorts. The waistband was stretchy and you had no trouble pushing your wrist down and under your panties as well. Your finger brushed ever so slightly against your sensitive bud and your hips bucked up. 

“Fuck” you mewled a little too loudly, but you didn’t care. Your string of thoughts lead you back to Miguel and how he’d touch you. 

Would he be gentle like you thought before? Or would he take charge? He basically pinned you against that damn tree yesterday, so you knew he had it in him. 

Would he whisper sweet nothings in your ear as he slammed his cock into you or would he degrade you? 

Your fingers slipped lower and your folds were drenched. Fuck, you guessed you liked that idea. If Miguel was a prick in daylight, what kind of filthy degradation would he say to you in the dark? 

Warmth pooled in your belly at the thought and a gasp left your lips as you stretched your lips before circling a finger over your entrance. You were soaking your panties already, it’d be too easy to fit two fingers in. So you did. 

You pretended it was Miguel’s. 

Such a fucking whore, taking my fingers so easily. Who else are you fucking, huh?

His voice filled your brain with your lustful thoughts and it felt like heaven. You never had a partner that would scream these obscenities at you, but you were enjoying this. Your cunt was enjoying it too, your fingers pumped in and out so easily. 

Fuck, you were going to come before you knew it. Your grip on the wine glass tightens as you continue through the fantasy. 

You pictured his dark tresses falling over your face as he leaned in before curling his fingers into you. Your fingers followed your thoughts and you moaned loudly, lifting your hips. The heel of your palm bumped into your clit and it felt oh so good. 

You pictured his fucking pretty face that you wanted to slap. Your fingers pumped even fast and your clit was being slapped so hard with your palm that you came without warning. You screamed and your left hand lost grip, the wine glass falling. 

“Fuck!” You wailed, not bothering to check the damage the wine had done to your new rug. You traveled your free hand to your chest and rubbed your breast through the tank top. With your nipples pebbled and sore, you moaned at the contact. 

See what you’re doing? Only fucking whores sound like this. You want my cock? You’re going to have to earn it, slut.

His words are loud as you continue to ride the high and even start to feel another orgasm coming. Everything tightens as you picture him adding a third finger, just as you do as well, and then increasing the pace. 

You even think of those stupid fake fangs you swore you saw on him. Would he wear them? Would he bite your neck for added sensations?

Of course you would like that, huh? Can’t even think straight with my fingers in your pussy, how would you ever survive my cock? Well, you wouldn’t. My dumb fucking whore.

“Miguel,” you whine. 

Your pussy clenches around your fingers and you’re coming violently again. Your hands are drenched and your release is dripping down your thighs and into your couch. But you can’t stop. You’re lost in this fantasy and you never want it to end. 

That’s until you hear something hit your window. You yelp, pulling your hand out of your pussy and look at your window. Your curtains were drawn open, you completely forgot. You weren’t in a sky rise by any means, but you weren’t on the first floor of your apartment building. There wasn’t another building nearby to creep into your window, so it must’ve been something else banging against the window. It had to be. 

You see though that your window is open slightly. You swore you closed it because it was forecasted to rain tonight. But there’s at least an inch open. Barely noticeable if you weren’t directly looking at it. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, sobering up already from the sex dream. You groaned even louder when you finally stood and saw the red stain on your, of course it had to be, white rug. 

You couldn’t blame anyone else but yourself, so you knelt down to pick up the wine glass and set it on the coffee table. You then went to the window to close it and looked out. The streets were dark and quiet, but it felt odd. The hairs on the back of your neck rose. You pressed your nose against the glass, attempting to find the reason for this weird feeling. You couldn’t find anything though. 

You shook your head and decided to call it a night. You had to wash your hands and clean the damn rug. 

“Fucking Miguel,” you cursed out as you made your way to the bathroom. 

It was easier to blame him, you’d decided.

[royallygray]

Given the fact that Aimsey and Guqqie are canon characters in your soul horizon au, im guessing you've watched Aimsey and her smp, so now I ask WHEN WERE GOING TO TELL ME HOW FUCKING COOL ASMP IS WE GOT LORE WE GOT SAPPHIC GIRLIES WEVE GOT ONLY NEEDING TO WATCH ONE PERSPECTIVE. I am only on episode 4 but my fucking god this shit is right up my alley and the lore has swallowed me whole waht the fuck???? This is even a question i just want to inform you that im in shock by whatever the fucks happening and i love it

IKRRRR

Like. okay I'ma be honest. I've also only watched to like ep4 since I keep like losing interest and like. I am obsessed but not hyperfixated and so I keep losing interest in watching the original content but like. I needed background characters and I was like "LESBIANS" and I was like I am intrigued by ASMP and like

Yeah. It's genuinely so nice to not be missing out on stuff bc you have no attention span or bc you don't want to watch multiple povs but gods I love it

idk which ep it's on, but Aimsey killing Tud is canon and Guqqie helped him through that and just

AAAAAA

also I live for the like. dislike to lovers.

Like

Okay so Guqqie is such a fucking ASSHOLE in the beginning, and like they're still an asshole in the middle, but they care. And LIKE

OKAY SO SUNSHIP DUO (that's Aimsey and Guqqie btw idk how into this part of the fandom you are) IN SOUL HORIZON ARE LIKE. SO FUCKING TRAGIC

SO THEYRE SOULMATES. THEY DONT FIGURE THIS OUT UNTIL LIKE AGES LATER BUT LIKE WHATEVER. ANYWAYS.

AIMSEY'S WANTED TO BE A HERO THEIR ENTIRE LIFE. GUQQIE IS A VIGILANTE BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO PROVIDE FOR HER FAMILY AND STEAL FOOD AND STOP THE POLICE AND SHIT FOR TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO STEAL

and then Guqqie eventually went to the city where the Hero Corp is, right

and then Guqqie and Aimsey had a similar thing going on that Grian and Scar originally had

Except they were literally canon ASMP themselves

BUT THEN AIMSEY GOT TOO INTO A DEEP ASS CULT THINGY

And killed Tud

and Guqqie helped them out

and then something came back to attack them and Guqqie protected Aimsey with their own life

And then if Guqqie became a hero so she didn't get arrested and like because Aimsey genuinely thought it would be better for Guqqie since part of the original part of ASMP is that Aimsey's kind of innocent

But Guqqie has fallen hard for Aimsey at this point and they'd do anything to keep them. So Guqqie becomes Gem's apprentice

And Guqqie's vigilante name was Frostbite and the heroes thought that was too edgy so she had to shorten it to Frost anyways

So Frost becomes Fauna's apprentice

(also Aimsey's hero name is Prince and False's (who is their mentor) is Queen and I did not mean to name them off of bands/artists--)

And like. Guqqie's vigilante bg is rly important because it means that Grian trusts her. All vigilantes are like. Mutuals. in the way you would be on Facebook but not on Tumblr yknow

But Aimsey's naivety is also important bc Gem can tell Guqqie stuff, but Guqqie will tell Aimsey, which is okay, and Aimsey will tell False, which isn't great but it's still fine, and then False will tell Ren which is a Problem because Ren doesn't shut up

So Guqqie has to lie to Aimsey to protect Gem. And it's sad.

The side plot is sad. This is side plot. These are side characters and Guqqie is semi important by sheer just being Gem's apprentice but omg I love them

ANYWAYS IF YOU WANNA RANT ABT ASMP PLS TELL ME BC I AM INSANE ABT IT

Also pls spoil stuff. and headcanons and things. and like if you want me to put something into soul horizon I will do it bc I do need a little more fleshing out of their plot.

TY FOR THE ASK PERI :D

[theforgottencrow]

Heyo! I randomly came across your blog some little while ago, and have only REALLY checked out your masterpost just now. When it came to things you've listed as things you enjoy, I actually was unaware most of those existed, as I'm pathetic at exploring the internet at times and randomly finding fandoms. SO, I do ask, if you could give a short basic idea on the fandom or hyperfixation or the type of genre of music the band or song belongs to and other songs or artists that may be a bit MORE popular for whatever reason and thereby more likely to be recognized by me or even just links to the songs so I can understand what it's like if it's hard to explain in words. If clarification is needed, I ask this so as to better understand a person on the internet and expand my sphere of media and perhaps obtain new hobbies or hyperfixations and thereby learn of the greatness something may be that I don't know of because of my lack of knowledge on the subject. This is also partially asked so what I can do is find a masterpost for a basic idea of these things, pin it on say, a secondary blog, and then suddenly spam my mutuals with related shit with then a link to it in case they want to learn more about this new fandom or sets of fandoms I've suddenly entered. Thank you for reading this long-as-a-Chinese-Dragon ask and for spending your time reading this.

I’m gonna be honest- my ass does NOT understand what your initially asking for- I struggle to understand questions I read if they’re longer even though I’ve re-read this over 10 times now 😭

I can’t tell if you’re asking me for a brief summary of what each fandom/fandom hyperfixation I’m in is abt/why? But- please clarify :”)))

I THINK i understand the music one you said though…so ima try and do a few of them?? Uhm srry if it’s wrong but-

1. Mindless Self Indulgence’s genre of music is Electropunk, Industrial Rock, and Digital Hardcore. They’ve made the songs Shut Me Up, Stupid MF, Sex for Homework, Get it Up, What do They Know, etc-

2. Cave Town’s genre of music is Alternative/Indie. They’ve made the songs Boys will be Bugs, Lemon Boy, Devil Town, This is Home, Juliet, etc- (I definitely recommend them if you don’t know them already, they’re a really good artist)

3. Derivakat’s genre of music is Dance/Electronic, Pop, and Indie Pop. They’ve made the songs Tool, REVIVED, Smile, Pomegranate Lips, Nightmare, Casino Royal, Cycle, etc-

4. Ryan Mack’s genre of music is Pop. They’ve created the songs I Should’ve Stayed Home, Overwhelmed, Forever and Ever and Always, Broke, Guess that’s Love, Sad Fuck, etc-

uh- that’s all I’m gonna do for now and srry if it wasn’t what you asked for- again really srry that I don’t understand but if you could maybe shorten it and make the question a tad more clear I could maybe answer it better 🥹

[uighean]

Tag game to better know you

tagged by @ettelwenailinon <3333

what book are you currently reading?

I'm finally getting around to reading through all the riordanverse books (after dropping them when I was like, 10 & read on wikipedia that percy and annabeth kissed and I (unknowing baby lesbian) was like ew. romance. not reading that. which is hysterically funny to me now) & rn I am a couple chapters into the lost hero

also I'm technically still in the middle of an iliad reread (if you're seeing a greek myth theme then no you're not <3). and also teeechnically in the middle of war and peace but it's been ages since I read any.

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theaters this year?

haven't seen anything in cinemas this year but I am going to see barbie on sunday. I hope it's bonkers.

what do you usually wear?

see I'm living out of a suitcase rn and also mostly dressing in a work uniform (I am consistently wearing trousers for the first time in about 8 years. very cursed.) so outside of work clothes I'm kinda back to wearing dresses? which is ok. it's not giving me the bad gender vibes I was getting a couple months back. hopefully soon I'll be back to my fav combo of kilt + button-up shirt + waistcoat tho

how tall are you

uhh 5'3"ish I think? taller than @ettelwenailinon and that's the important thing >:)

what’s your star sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

pisces, & there's a bit of stuff that's happened on my birthday but I'm gonna go with the australian labor party defeating the liberals in 1983. love to see the liberals losing

do you go by your name or a nickname?

just my name! there are very very few people who I'll let shorten my name tbh. idk why I but don't tend to like it

did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

absolutely not! wanted to be a vet, ended up working in museums. all because of the blorbo brainrot.

are you in a relationship? if not, who is your crush if you have one?

I sure am in a relationship <333 @ettelwenailinon

what’s something you’re good at vs something you’re bad at?

oughfdk idk. pretty good at writing, pretty bad at drawing (would like to get better tho!!)

dogs or cats?

horses <3

but. cats. dogs are cute but I don't have the patience for them.

if  you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favorite  picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this  year?

oh man ig I'm going to do the unprecedented thing of linking to my ao3 from my main ghjkfd. non-dr who mutuals I am SO sorry <3

if you are not one of my dr who mutuals then you may not know (or you may have guessed from my vagueposting fdksjhgfd) that the stuff I love to write most is like,,, fic that's more about my historical interests than actual dr who HGKFDJ. & sure enough when I looked at what I'd done this year, all the stuff I liked best was historical fic. tossed up between a couple of them but I've got to give it to should i have bent, been reshaped

“Were ye ever proud of me?” he asked softly. “In the war? I used tae wonder that, after I’d lost ye.” Moisture was beading at the tip of his nose, and he drew the back of his hand across it, snuffling away the tears that still refused to fall. “Sometimes it felt like the only thought I ever had, when I was pipin’ in your place. If ye were watchin’, and if ye were proud of me. I thought maybe you’d come back an’ tell me so.” A bitter smile curled itself over his mouth. “But ye never did, did ye?” One hand stretched out, tracing over the lettering on the gravestone. His head was still bowed too low to see them, but he knew the words by heart. Dòmhnall Uilleam MacCruimein. “Ye never came back. An’ ye never, ever told me ye were proud.”

this was sooo much fun to write oh my god. it was mostly based around the title, bc as soon as I heard that song I was like. that's a jamie song. no I don't care it's from a video game and about a totally different character, it's about jamie's relationship with his father.

and I'm just so nuts about jamie's relationship with his family and his father in particular, the way it bounces off his queerness and relationship with his gender, etc etc etc. it's a very hyperspecific and niche fic but that's what gives me the most joy so <3

what is something that you’d like to create content for?

hmm idk!! nothing new, really. I'm very much wedded to two-era dr who in terms of writing. I'd like to make more holding achilles gifsets I think

what’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

life is really kicking my brain cell rn so not a whole lot but @ettelwenailinon talking about stuff to do with jacobitism/the '45 is driving me down the rabbithole again too & that is DEFINITELY coming out in the fic ideas I'm bouncing around ghfjkds

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

the first thing that jumped into my mind was the sun and the star. not gonna explain that one I'm just gonna say that I could fix her but also it makes me want to kill

what’s a hidden talent of yours?

walk fast :^) powered by spite and homosexuality

are you religious?

nope! never have been. I guess I have a sort of spirituality in my world view but it's very. mild I suppose.

what’s something you wish to have at this moment?

an apartment......... finding somewhere to rent is hard :/

tagging @galacticlamps @vimbry @kiraistired @carrionthird @p0stscripter and whoever else I've forgotten/who wants to do it!! no pressure tho <3

[ninamitoo]

FALLING

HPhogwartsmystery - Talbott Winger x Reader

Author‘s note: This is supposed to be a one-shot but since there aren’t many stories about Talbott x reader I’ll be posting 2nd and 3rd part (if you’ll be interested).  Also English isn’t my first language so sorry if there are any mistakes.

Wordcount: 1200

Pairing: Talbott Winger x reader / MC / Y/N (your name)

I first became aware of Talbott Winger thanks to a coincidence. Back than I had never imagined that this boy could get under my skin so quickly. I could say it all started thanks to Tulip.

It was a normal day. I came to the Great Hall and saw Tulip standing with Barnaby at the very end. The sight of the two of them together was more than unusual, so I decided to investigate.

”Hi Y/N. Barnaby and I were just discussing Talbott Winger.” Tulip greeted me. When I asked who he is the answer was “a Ravenclaw who keeps to himself.”

”They also say his dad is a vampire, and his mum is a mermaid!” Barnaby joined the conversation with a disturbing look on his face. Looks like I'm not the only one with strange rumors circulating around school. What actually caught my attention was the fact that he’s attempting to brew an Animagus Potion. Since the first lesson with professor McGonagall I have dreamed about becoming an Animagus myself. Maybe if I talked Talbott into brewing an extra Animagus Potion for me, I can finally fulfill one of my dreams. Not to mention how much easier it’d be to sneak around school in animal form…

”He’ll shut you down.” Tulip crushed my completely bulletproof plan. ”It might be best to ask around about him first…“ Suggested Barnaby. Since it was a good idea I started asking about Talbott everyone who was still in the Great Hall. Unfortunately, he was sitting a few feet away from me, and as I found out later, he heard everything.

”If you want to know something about me, just ask.“ He says as soon as I sit across from him. He took me by surprise. Not knowing what to say I blurted out the first thing which came to my mind: ”How did you know I was talking about you?“

”My hearing is almost as good as my eyesight.“ He asnwers without any emotion. ”Besides, I’m used to people talking about me.“ How can I relate to that… I decided not to beat around the bush and straightforward asked if he was brewing an Animagus Potion, however he denied it. His cold response told me not to push any further and with a quiet sorry to bother you, I got up to leave. His next sentence stoped me. ”Is it true you sneaked into Filch’s Office?“ Not wanting to incriminate myself, I lied. ”No. Why? Do you want to get in?“

”I’m collectong things for a mutual friend of ours.“ He vaguely answered. ”We have a mutual friend?“

”You’re probably surprised I have any friends at all…“ Did I just hear a hint of pain in his voice? ”No, not really. Everyone has friends and with everything I’ve seen at Hogwarts, nothing surprises me anymore.“ I shruged with my shoulders to seem like I don’t really think much of it, but in reality I secretly hoped my answer will comfort him. I don’t know why, but I don’t want him to be sad. ”We’ll see about that.“ Talbott said. A little smirk appearing on his face.

”What do you mean?“

”Let’s go Y/N L/N. You can show me how you definitely did not sneak into Filch’s office.“ And just like that I fell into a trap called Talbott Winger. With each passing day I wanted to know more about him, what he likes, what is he doing. When I was able to conjure a smile on his face, it was the best feeling I had experienced. Much better than when we won first Quidditch Cup. But… He didn’t saw me as a friend. Not until I pushed him into allowing me to help find his lost necklace. That’s when he finally admited, he sees me as a friend. As someone he can trust and rely on. When I heard him say these words, my heart made a few somersaults. In that very moment I realised I don't fancy him anymore. I have totally fallen for him.

                                                       *******

One particular night I couldn’t fall asleep. I decided I’ll tire myself out by going on a fly around the castle. After putting on a sweatshirt and shoes, I shifted into my animagus form and flew through the open window. After flying for several minutes I noticed a very familiar looking eagle heading fot the owlery. With a graceful movement of my wings I change direction and follow my new friend. When I land, I transform back into my human form, but Talbott still remains in his animal. He is resting on one of the loose perches, looking at me curiously.

”I couldn’t sleep.“ I answer his silent question, taking a few steps forward, shortening the distance between us. His feathers shine beautifully in the moonlight. I couldn't resist the urge to touch his plumage. I lightly touch the side of his wing.

”Your feathers looks really beautiful.“ I whisper into the dark night not entirely sure if I didn't cross the border. His pupil narrows in surprise. His body gets surrounded by a yellowish glow, and I realise too late that he is transforming back into his human form. Surprised, I don't have time to dodge and within a second I find myself face to face with his firm chest. His pleasant scent immediately surrounds me, and I realize that I am absorbing it voraciously in an effort to remember it. He must have noticed. This got awkward really quickly… With a shy sorry i take a few steps back and look up at him. His look took my embarrassment to a whole new level. He was covering his face with his hand, furiously averting his gaze. Is he blushing?

”Did you…“ His voice was a pitch lower than usual. After clearing his throat he looked down at me. Yep, he was definitely blushing. ”Do you really think that?“ I felt my cheeks begin to burn. ”Yes… I do.“ I honestly answer unable to look him in the eye. The last time I confessed my feelings it didn’t go exactly well. Thank goodness I erased his memories.

”Do I look good only in my Animagus form?“ He asks. Something in his voice forced me to look at him. He was serious. He needed to know. The request in his eyes told me I have to tell him the truth. Now or never.

With a shaky breath I compose myself. ”No. I think you look very handsome every time I see you.“ After hearing my response his cheeks darkened with deep red. A mischievous grin curls his mouth into a smile. Why does he looks like he just won?

”Good to know.“ He simply answers lovering himself to my heigh. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear with his hand, looking directly into my eyes. His hot breath tickled my lobe. ”I think you look absolutely gorgeous yourself.“ And with that, he transformed back into an eagle and left.

The heart impetuously beats for the boy who just gave her hope.

”Falling in love with him I hadn’t expected. But being in love with him is something I couldn’t stop even if I tried.“

[starsmuserainbow]

Okay, so, since I'm asking this everyone that I'm starting new threads with these days, I figured instead of typing the whole stuff everytime anew, I could also simply make a post that I then can link whenever I wanna ask these things.

Please don't reblog this post, I'm not writing this with the intention of having it be a widespread PSA or the likes (I dread the notification-amount I would get if it became one), it's just a post where I place the questions and answers I'd like to offer those I wanna talk to this stuff about. I mean, honestly, if we're mutuals I might/would likely be okay with you reblogging it, if you wanna keep it on your blog or something. But please, at the very least if we aren't mutuals, don't reblog it. Link others to it, if you must, but please don't reblog. I really don't want the mess of notifications.

The rest below the cut, but as for the question I'd be asking before sending you this:

Do you know of the new way of cutting posts, and/or about Xkit Rewritten?

First off - this is not a very detailed tutorial or the likes. I'm not giving a illustrated step-by-step or anything like that; if you want one of those I can recommend this one (I've linked it to a few people before).

Okay, so, I'm trying to start at the beginning.

What is Xkit Rewritten?

You know Xkit? What you confirm with 'yes' right now probably refers to what's called 'New Xkit'. That already, as the name tells, was a remake of an earlier version of Xkit - or so I assume at least. Now, Xkit Rewritten basically is the new 'New Xkit' - I think it's only maintained by one person of the original Xkit, but again, that's just from how I understand it.

In other words, it's the extension/addon you need if you want Xkit's features to keep working (at least those that get adapted over). If you don't know of Xkit Rewritten yet, you'll have found at least some - if not by now all - of Xkit's extensions not working anymore. Like the mutual checker, "shorten posts", and probably a lot more but I quite honestly never used that many of them so I wouldn't even know if a good bunch doesn't work anymore. Xkit Rewritten has at the very least some of those extensions - the mutual checker for example - as well, and since it's the newer Xkit, those actually work.

I'm sure you can find it easily on your own, but in case not, here's a link which will forward you to your needed place of downloading, depending on your browser.

Does it work on mobile?

I'm rather certain it does NOT work for the app. I have no idea if you can install extensions in the mobile browsers (I doubt it though), so I can't tell you about that. If you can install extensions, perhaps you could also install Xkit Rewritten. I don't know, sorry.

Why would I need it? The old way of cutting posts, the way we all know, still works!

Well. Yes, it does, but only when you do the opt-out of the beta editor. (I think by now you can use the beta editor on old-way-cut posts after you cut them and saved them as draft? Although I'm not sure if that was just a glitch of sorts or if that's actually the case - but like, same thing, you still need to use the legacy editor to actually use the old cutting)

As much as some might have disliked the beta editor when it first came out, or perhaps you still do - the fact is that eventually, it will be the only editor. I assume that that will still take a while, since there still seems to be a good bunch of things that they wanna fix or still need to make the beta editor be able to do, but, one day it's gonna come. Personally, I'd advise to get used to the new things as they come (or like, shortly after they are brought to us), because it'll probably be nicer when you already know what to do once the switch fully happens, instead of panicking then and starting to learn your way through a new method.

Also, but recent experiences of my own allowed me to use the beta editor on old-way-cut posts too, the new editor does have a few nice little things that you don't have right away available in the buttons on the legacy editor. Colored text, for example, and those fancy text types. You don't need to go into coding for those anymore with the beta editor.

And another reason - I'm not sure, but I think that glitch is still there where, if an icon is at the end of the reply, the next person's first part of the reply will also be indented (or, I think, look like it on the dash at least? Something like that). Since the trimming (aka the new cutting) works a little different than the editable reblogs (aka the old cutting), that won't be happening anymore. In fact, you won't be able to edit your partner's reply at all anymore. Which also means that, if you were doing that so far, you can't edit in the name of the partner-muse in the url, or do similar changes to that part.

One last thing: As far as I understand it, you are able to trim the post later too, as in after writing your reply, even after posting. Just click the little symbol, and it's trimmed down to only the previous reply.

What do I need to use it?

Basically, nothing else than you always needed. Your computer, your browser, the Xkit-Addon (just, now the new one - I recommend keeping both for now though).

Take care to make the start of a new thread in the beta editor though, the new trimming can't work with legacy posts. If you want to make older posts of yours edittrimmable through the new method, you will also need the mobile app to make a change (non-visible is enough even, like adding a space somewhere after a sentence or so) to the very source-post (aka the very first part of the whole thread) - or you just make a new post and continue from there.

How do I use the trimming?

Okay, so, first off, you need to make sure that above point is checked. Either it's a post you made or edited on mobile, or it's a post you make new (I think you need to do that with the beta editor for it to work), just, it has to be of the right type.

Once you have that, and I assume you have Xkit Rewritten installed and "Trim Reblogs" activated within that, it really isn't that much of a task.

You reblog a thing like you always would. Press the reblog-icon on the post (or on the blog or whereever), save it as draft, or whatever your action of choice is. (You can also write on it right there, if that's what you do, though I can't guarantee you that that works, but given the trimming still works when you have already posted your thing, it should still work if you type your reply right away and only then draft/queue/post it.) Now, you go to where your post is now. In my case, that's usually in the drafts. There, in the post-footer (where you also find the symbols for deleting or editing the post) you will see a little scissor-symbol. Click on that, and voila - you're done. Your post is trimmed, and you can now edit on it or leave it there or whatever exactly your next step is.

So should I just remove 'new Xkit' already?

I wouldn't do that yet. A lot of people are still using the old cutting of posts. It has problems, and causes things, but people are used to it and if you switch entirely to the new method, you won't be able to cut the posts that people with the old cutting cutted.

I personally very much prefer the trimming, but I still use both Xkits - and whatever trimming/cutting that I need for a thread - in order to keep my things cut with some people adapting and some keeping the old cutting.

Does it cost me anything to use it?

Outside of the fee for your internet, and, like, the electricity of your computer and so on? No. (Although if you have the money to spare, I'm sure the one that put in all this effort of coding Xkit for us, making it a whole new version of it and so on, would appreciate some financial "thank you", or however to call it. You would need to look that up yourself though.)

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

Okay I had to do some stuff, but here I am rambling about relationship between Killer and Nightmare in Colours of LOVE.

Some of this I might mention before some of it might be your and Jann or Yuri ideas... Anyway!! The way I see that:

Even though this is soulmate au Nightmare and Killer aren't perfect fit for eachother. They are perfect fit in threesome - Ccino softens rough edges of both of them, and changes their attention from being mad on eachother to carrying about Ccino together (especially at first when he is really depressed). But before that... It was hard.

Killer is really open about everything he thinks and feels. If he founds someone who is attractive he will flirt. Even when he is already dating Nightmare. And also he always shows his affection to Nightmare everywhere, in public too. That's cute and sweet, but Nightmare is really closed person so that makes him really uncomfortable. Night often got jealous with Killer flirting with anyone else, got embarrassed with his kisses and all on public, and in general is a bit annoyed with Killer's actions. Killer on the other hand doesn't really understand why Nightmare is so "tensed" (he is not, Night is just much more calm, but Killer don't get it).

They were braking up and coming back again a few times, because they had argued a lot about everything and got tired of this. Right now they are on their "best days" - they started to date again a few weeks ago and right now they are through some stuff, they understand eachother better, and pretty chill about eachother weird actions. Like in the second page Night is a bit flustered by Killer's kiss but he almost used to that. Same as he is worried about being late, since Killer is almost always late, but he is more or less fine by that. On next page (which you haven't seen yet), there are an interesting dialog between them, and I will definitely write some of "subtext" about it when I will post it.

Actually if they haven't met Ccino they would break up again after a few months. And maybe come back again after a week.

Also! Interesting thing about third soulmate: at the beginning of the comic (before Nigh met Ccino) Killer is 100% sure that they have third soulmate, but Nightmare is sure for about 60%. Killer is existed about that, he knew knew that he is polyamorious for a long time, but Nightmare hesitates a lot, because he can't really imagine himself in polyam relationship. It feels weird and also he is soooooo jealous about Killer paying any attention to anyone except him, that he worries to become "third wheel". Will it be different with Ccino?? Who knows (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Hi kotikaleo!!! This was super fun to read.

Firstly I'm going to tag @zu-is-here since she started the studio verse

It's definitely an interesting insight to your comic and the characters!

It reminds me a lot of an early version of my own ideas about the studio verse nightkiller relationship! And I can definitely see the way we have bounced headcannons of each other paying off.

Them still dealing with a softer kind of lovehate dynamic is an interesting one. It doesn't seem to be as extreme as my version, but it's interesting that it's still there.

The fact that they are meant to work as a 3 makes sense as well. If they are supposed to be bounded as a 3 it makes sense that three they their relationship would be unstable. They don't work as a two, but they are soul mates and something would always pull the two of them together.

I'm also curious, since Nightmare isn't 100% sure that the lack of colour is due to them being soul mated to another person. I wonder if he ever felt like the universe got it wrong? And that he'd been mated to the wrong person? Or perhaps he felt it meant that him and Killer don't have soul mates and that's why they have some connections.

It sad boy.

Also if Killer knows he's poly by nature, is that something that causes disagreements with the 2 of them?

And now for mine and @jann-the-bean version.

This story has been something that we mostly developed in tumbler DMs but both me and Jan wrote a story about it. Jan wrote

KillerNight(s)

And I'm writing

Round and round till we all fall down

Nightmare and Killer's relationship started off baddddd, it basically started as a mutual dislike for one another. This is due to their conflicting personalities and morals.

Nightmare was originally quite excited to meet Killer, as he'd heard a lot about the actor. But almost straight away he found Killer to be rude, childish and irritating. Killer found Nightmare to be stuck up, snobbish and entitled.

The two first met at an awards ceremony and got into a yelling match after a few drinks and were separated. From there their dislike for one another was made quite well known to the public because of a social media battle back and forth.

This only went on for a few months however, as the characters of 'Killer' and 'Nightmare' were cast to play together.

Nightmare and Killer agreed to be civil in order to function while working and get the filming completed as soon as possible.

As they worked together, their dislike turned into a playful banter and respect for one another. And then something else shifted.

Now Killer has a reputation for being a player and one who likes to sleep around, as you said, he's open about his interest in people when he has it and enjoys casually flirting with just about anyone.

Which came to include Nightmare.

Nightmare paid no mind to it really, though he couldn't understand why it embarrassed him so much.

Killer comes to find Nightmare to be very attractive and enjoys his reactions when teased, he rights him off though because he was under the impression that Nightmare was straight, and he'd never try to change that.

It was a day when they were talking about Killer's eyes and how it's caused him to struggle, that Nightmare tells him that he thinks his eyes are very pretty and that they are an attractive quality, and something in Killer breaks and he kisses him.

So Killer feels like he messed up and the two avoid each other. But it causes Nightmare to start questioning things about himself.

Nightmare at this point had only every dated women. He assumed that he was straight. But after that kiss a lot of buried feelings are dragged to the surface and exposed, and he realises that he's also attracted to men.

So Jan goes into full details about this, in the fic Killernights, but basically Nightmare confronts Killer about the kiss and Killer tells him he 'has a thing for him'

The two go back to Killer's flat to talk, but their normal banter, leads to flirting and then another kiss. And Nightmare who is curious and suddenly craving new sensations becomes lost to him. Killer who finds Nightmare physically very attractive, also gets wrapped up and the two of them sleep together.

Nowwww this is getting long so I'll try to shorten it down a bit.

Basically, it's an amazing night. It's passionate, enjoyable and a lot of fun for both of them. Upon finding out Night has never been with a man, Killer guides him carefully though the process.

After that night the two can't stop thinking about each other, even though they both planned for it to be a one time thing. Again, they avoided each other until talking after a while.

And killer admits his desires for the other, and offers Nightmare a safe environment to experiment with his sexuality, where he won't be judged.

To cut a long story short, this spirals into a passionate and carnal, on and off booty call/fling with each other that spans for years.

Other that time they grow very close with each other, and come to recognise the similarities that they share, and have soft moments of just enjoying being together with one another.

For Killer, Nightmare is the first person to ever tell him he had beautiful eyes and mean it. The first person who wasn't at all put off by them.

To Nightmare, it feels like Killer is the one person that will never pick Dream over him. And he makes him feel wanted and desirable in a way few have before.

However, their are still parts of their relationship that conflict. Of course a healthy relationship will always have some conflicts. But for Killer and Nightmare the conflicts clash and fight with each other.

That along with both of their past traumas, (I wrote about Killer's back story here) means they find it difficult to talk about genuine feelings and what's bothering them. Causing things to bottle up and blow up over time.

They also find it impossible to admit that they actually love each other deeply.

They tried to be in a full on committed relationship once, (which I'm writing about in Round and Round) but it didn't work out for these issues. As well as the fact that Killer is poly by nature, and therefore gets anxious and uncomfortable in a relationship with one person only. Which he won't talk to Night about for the reasons stated above.

Enter Ccino.

Now Ccino is the missing piece for Nightmare and Killer.

He's soft and gentle spoken, which easily helps them calm down when things get heated between them. He also provides a safe and loving space to open up about what things are bothering them.

Nightmare and Killer's also, as you said, spend more energy caring for and sometimes worrying about Ccino, so they have less energy for the constant fighting.

Ccino was the missing piece. He's the person who will cuddle and read books with nightmare, but also the one who's super into affection, which Killer loveesss.

A relationship would never work between just killer and Ccino, since Ccino wouldn't be able to keep up with Killer's libido and killer doesn't know much about Ccino's mental health. And Ccino wouldn't work in a relationship with just Nightmare because Night's colder and more straight forward personality would leave him affection staved after a while.

They just work together! They are basically soul mates in this universe as well!

P. S Nightmare in this universe was also very veryyyyy jealous when Killer showed interest in Ccino. Which is something he took out on Ccino till Killer stopped it. After falling in love with Marshmallow he regrets this a lot.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MORE. COLOURS OF LOVEEEEE

[popurikat]

Newtmas essay when?

Finally getting to this, thanks for waiting, I needed to go over a few bookmarks. (Warning, this post contains spoilers from the MAZE RUNNER book and FEVER CODE book, so if you haven’t read either or yet and want the jist of my analysis; just know that in general the fandom interpreting Newt as gay before it was revealed on a twitter post was not just a random headcanon and that Thomas in general is portrayed to have very strong unconditional love for Newt throughout the series; and it shows. To the point that even the director for the movie has stated that Newt and Thomas have a strong bond and portrays that in the movies. I will also preface that I am NOT adding personal opinion anywhere here, these are just backings from quotes and how they are thus meant to be taken/read as. My words are taken as a reader who is currently reading Scorch Trials has yet to fully read Death Cure or Crank Palace.) Anways, without further ado at 3AM today, I’ll try my best to explain how even though Dashner tries his best to make Thomas have other, female love interests; he creates a not so subtle gay subtext for Tommy boy here when in the context of interacting with Newt throughout the lore. Apologies beforehand for any grammar mistakes along the way.

To commence, I am going to start with FEVER CODE, as its supposed to act as the story’s preface to the actual events that play out later. Newt and Thomas upon meeting each other describe their presence as “familiar” and or as a “long lost friend” and they genuinely hit it off from the start to the point that Newt is okay with having Thomas see him cry over the fact that he and his sister are separated since he is doomed to be WCKD’s control analysis as he’s the only one lacking immunity from the flare itself. Once Newt is done being emotionally vulnerable we get our first instance of his personal nickname for Thomas: “That’s the way things are Tommy,’ he said his voice not quite steady. ‘The world outside’s gone to hell. Why should we expect any different here? [...] He said it as if they’d been friends for years” (ch. 14).   An interesting note here is that Thomas doesn’t bother to correct him or stifle the moment by feeling that all this information was too much, he genuinely wanted to hear Newt out and is fine with seeing this side of him; if not slightly taken aback by how natural it is that they can converse about such aspects of their lives. In fact, Newt makes such an impact on Thomas that Thomas ends up that same night dreaming of him: “Throughout his shortened night, he dreamed of Newt and Sonya. Of Newt and Lizzy“(Ch. 14). The thing with Thomas though is that the idea of comfort and connection is very foreign to him as he’s been basically isolated all his life with only the adults like Ava to talk to and the one exception being Teresa as his only kid companion. So Thomas didn’t even think he could make others like him for being himself unless they were vital to the overall production of WCKD. Seeing this portion right before the end of chapter 14: “Alby, Minho, Newt, Teresa. Thomas had friends.” shows that Thomas really had to deep dive to see how he deals with personal connections and why he was excited about the notion of friendship. He could’ve been happy with just Teresa, but only fully cemented her bond to him as “friend” when his circle grew and these kids he got to hang with taught him he can be himself, a concept he didn’t realize was possible when all his life was dictated on what he was supposed to learn or do. It becomes especially clear just how controlled his life is with the aspect of sentiment when later on Teresa’s mental communication evokes physcial pain and fear in Thomas. I’ll get back to that later as its more of a small tid bit of Thomas’ view on his forced love interest, Teresa. And yes, I say forced because multiple sentences with Thomas have him even wish he could cease all communication with her. Moving on, let’s talk about mimicking for a second. As humans, we mimic as a behavioral response to become closer to the person we care about. It’s the reason why yawning or laughter is contagious and or why we copy the posture of the person we converse with face to face. Thomas is seen to do this the most with Newt’s quirks. I’ll give the example in chapter 15: “Newt has been promising them that he was saving something special, and he did that annoying zipped-lipped sign every time [...] the little light in his eyes showed he enjoyed every second of their torture” versus Thomas: “Thomas did Newt’s zipped-lipped gesture, and that got him a sharp poke in the ribs”. So, we know enough that Thomas’ mannerisms are developing as a sign that he wants to be closer to Newt and to continue this sense of playfulness they both enjoy from the other. This is the start of their budding bond and a clear indication that they hold each other at greater fondness than the rest through this unconscious copying. Through this copying, they also pick up on emotional cues the other lets up on. Newt is especially good at noticing small things like when Thomas is anxious or overthinking: “He was just shocked that with all their exploring, the others hadn’t already discovered it on their own. And there were supposed to be TWO mazes. How had Newt and his friends not stumbled upon either one of them? ‘Tommy?’ Thomas realized Newt was staring straight at him, eyebrows raised. ‘Sorry,’ he said embarrassed, ‘wandered off for a second there what did you say?’ Newt shook his head in admonishment. ‘Try to keep up, Tommy Are you ready to see the grat outdoors?” (ch. 15). Also in chapter 23: “Tommy?’ It was Newt, breaking him out of his thoughts. ‘I can see your wheels spinnin’ up there.’ He tapped the side of his head”. This furthers Newts perceptiveness on his friend and Thomas’ ability to pick out when he is being looked after. And they bounce off each other really well in that aspect. To the point that Newt can crack a joke he knows will land right on Thomas’ sense of humor: “Newt waggled his fingers in front of Thomas’ face [...] A laugh exploded out of Thomas’ mouth that sent a spray everywhere. ‘Sorry’ he said, wiping his lips on his sleeve” (ch.15). It’s enjoyable to know that at least at a surface level, they have fun together and can cheer the other up if needed or know when to ground the other to reality. It is also through these instances that as a reader I pick up that Thomas’ nervous ticks perhaps allude to an anxiety disorder he has; of which Newt is aware of and never puts Thomas down on for exhibiting. He in fact understands it and deals with it accordingly as he himself has a similar circumstance. SO, what does all this paying attention lead to? Thomas’ devotion to protect Newt. Yeah, thats right I said devotion. Thomas’ actions are influenced by his developed instinct to protect Newt at all costs. Here is the biggest example that comes to mind: “What in the world happened to Newt? -- Less then two hours later, Thomas had spliced together a series of camera clips [...] Thomas turned off the feed. He couldn’t take it anymore...Newt, Newt, Newt, Thomas thought, feeling as if the very air around him were turning black.”(ch.52). Essentially, Thomas seeing Newt plummet to his near death by falling from the maze wall as a result of Newt’s ongoing depressive state, this is the moment that makes Thomas realize WICKD isn’t as good as they seem and that he is going into the maze to save Newt. Its admirable how much self sacrifice Thomas does for someone he cares so much about, to the point that their name is like a mantra. Thats a sensible area of passion and fighting spirit for someone who is “just a friend”.    Oh and, the feeling of fondness is mutual mind you if I haven’t been clear. After experiencing the horrors of cranks for the first time, realizing Newt was not immune, and watching Newt until they entered the pits it has been months since they last interacted; this is their first reunion: “What’s up Tommy?’ Newt exclaimed, his face filled with genuine happiness at the pleasant surprise that’s been sprung on him. Thomas couldn’t remember exactly how long it’d been since he’d seen Newt. ‘You look bloody fantastic for three in the morning” (ch. 23). I need to preface this that Newt DOES NOT mean that sarcastically and that out of all the people in the room (Minho, Chuck and Teresa are there in this scene), Thomas only reacts this way specifically toward seeing Newt is okay and back.   The characters are also not afraid of being physically close. “Well, look who the bloody copper dragged in,’ Newt said, pulling Thomas into a big hug” (ch.31), “They shook hands, and then the two of them set off...” (ch. 31), and my favorite: “Thomas jumped at the sound, then stumbled. Newt tripped over him, and then they were both laughing, legs and arms tangled in a pile on the ground”(ch.32). I don’t think this far in the novel, Thomas has been AS (emphasis on as) comfortable with touch  with anyone else other than Newt. And thats a big step forward on the aspect of trust in a relationship, being able to be comfortable with the presence of another person enough to be as intimate with them as shown here.  And all this, is just fever code itself. Mind you this is not the MEAT of the novels as it came out later. But even without it, lets look at Thomas in Maze now, I’ll try to keep this segment a lot more brief. Here’s Thomas looking respectively at boys his age: “A tall kid with blond hair and a square jaw...a thick, heavy muscled Asian kid folded his arms as he studied Thomas, his tight shirtsleeves rolled up to show off his biceps [...] Newt was taller than Alby too, but looked to be a year or so younger, His hair was blond and cut long, cascading over his T-shirt. Veins stuck out of his muscled arms”(ch. 2). Thomas’ initial reaction to being surrounded by boys is to deeply analyze their rugged good looks and heavily emphasize their best physical traits. When reading this the first time, my mind immediately thought this boy at the very least is supposed to be portrayed as bi, especially when later down the line Teresa gets a similar descriptor: “...despite her paleness, she was really pretty...silky hair, flawless skin, perfect lips, long legs.” So right off the bat, we know that be it boy or girl, Thomas emphasizes how attractive someone looks in his eyes when he truly does have a sense of attraction to them. Case closed. Within the same chapter we get Thomas also immediately clinging onto Newt for a sense of grounding, it is now ingrained in him at this point that the boy is his lifeline, a person to rely on. “Thomas looked over at Newt, hoping for help.” And help he does, Newt in this chapter helps ease his worries, explain a general idea of what the glade is and even pats him on the shoulder a bit to ease tension. And Thomas doesn’t bat an eye in the same way he’s weary of literally everyone else. In fact, he’s eager to stay put with him as shown with; “If Newt went up there, then I wanna talk to him.” And if none of that seals the deal, we got early bird Newt being so touch starved he flattens himself next to Thomas to wake him up at the crack of Dawn in chapter 6: “Someone shook Thomas awake. His eyes snapped open to see a too-close face staring down at him, everything around them still shadowed by the darkness of early morning...’Shh, Greenie. Don’t wanna be waking up Chuckie, now, do we?’ It was Newt --the guy who seemed second in command; the air reeked of his morning breath. Though Thomas was surprised, any alarm melted away immediately”. This whole scene follows firstly by Thomas once again impressed by how strong Newt is and then Newt giving him a rundown of what everyone else was too afraid to show Thomas, the grievers. And you know, this scene could’ve ended well and everything as totally platonic, but then we have “Newt turned to look at him dead in the eye. The first traces of dawn had crept up on them, and Thomas could see EVERY DETAIL OF NEWT’S FACE, HIS SKIN TIGHT, HIS BROW CREASED.” Now, look me in the eye and tell me there is a hetero explanation on looking at your best bro like they are the sun reincarnated themselves. But let’s not hog all the homosexual undertones with Thomas here. Wanna know what Newt’s initial reaction to having a girl in the glade was? “It’s a girl,’ he said [...] Newt shushed them again. ‘That’s not bloody half of it,’ he said, then pointed down into the box. ‘I think she’s dead” (ch.8). It’s actually a stark contrast to the other gladers eagerly wanting to know her age, how pretty she looked, and calling dibs to date her; Newt isn’t interested in any of that, he’s more perplexed on her status and not even bothering to remark on her looks, he was the only one not to and even remarks a few other instances that girls are more Thomas’ domain. For instance, he makes a joke in fever code when Thomas remarks that the girls in the institution were going to tackle him down, Newt proceeds to point out sarcastically something along the lines of “wait, isn’t that YOUR dream though?” So Newt is pretty out spoken of his disinterest in girls, and his full admiration and attention on Thomas. Oh, and yes, Newt immediately switches over to “Tommy” the moment Thomas mentions he hates being called greenie, and once again it just becomes a thing between only the two of them. Newt is also the one to be straight forward about the whole Runners business. He warns Thomas about the dangers and doesn’t necessarily turn him down on his desire to be one, he in fact encouraged him to just wait until the right moment. “No one said you couldn’t, but give it a rest for now”(ch. 15). So once again, Newt is the voice of confidence and reason for Thomas to prosper. In turn, this time around Thomas is the one to catch when something is bothering Newt. For instance, “Newt chewed his fingernails, something he hadn’t seen the older boy do before...he was genuinely concerned -- Newt was one of the few people in the Glade he actually liked ”(ch.16). Interesting how we went from fever code “friend” to “like”. And also, when Newt explains his concern about the runners not coming back yet, Thomas pieces together how scared Newt is of the Maze without being told and goes to stand next to him as a physical presence to ground Newt as they wait near the entrance. In fact, this piece is trivial to understand why Thomas does what he does next. When everyone else had given up on the Runners still outside with 2 minutes left til closing, and Newt was escorted away from the entrance, Thomas waited. And when Thomas saw them, he yells to Newt, realizes he’s too far to do anything, and makes a decision himself. He KNEW how much Newt cared about his fellow Gladers, they were like family or “kin” as its said in the book, so what does he do? “Don’t do it Tommy! Don’t you bloody do it!’ ... Thomas knew he had no choice. He moved. Forward. He squeezed past the connecting rods at the last second and stepped into the maze”(ch.16). Yes, Thomas does this because of his empathy for the Gladers, but the chain reaction of Newt’s concern is what sets his decision in stone. And yet again, Thomas enters the maze for Newt.  And that’s pretty much the constant for the rest of Maze Runner the book, Newt just sticking up for Thomas and Thomas in turn just being happy that: “He was at least relieved that Newt was there” (ch.17). And thats basically their entire dynamic. Newt just going: “If you really did help design the maze Tommy, it’s not your fault. You‘re a kid -- you can’t help what they forced you to do” to ease the survivor’s trauma Thomas has, as well as saying “I actually believe you. You just don’t have an ounce of lying in those eyes of yours. And I can’t bloody believe I’m about to say this...but I’m going back in there to convince those shanks we should go through the griever hole, just like you said”(ch.51); and I think thats the most romantic thing to hear from him. Just right out being all for supporting Thomas no matter what happens as long as he stays alive and continues to fight, he doesn’t care about what happened before. And Thomas eats that up because it fuels him even more to seek out a means to escape for the people (Newt) that deserve a life outside of running from monsters forever. So essentially, I’ll state again, it’s always been Newt the catalyst for Thomas to run head first into the Maze and seek freedom. And with all this I can clear that these two are shown to if not be romantically involved, at least have unconditional love for the other that transcends the author’s original intention.  And with that in mind, here’s the thing with Teresa as a love interest. I can list here quotes of every time she mind speaks to Thomas and how that affects him, but then this would be too long. And this is a newtmas post gosh darn it. Teresa is gleeful to humiliate, control, hurt, and force Thomas to believe they’re in love. In multiple instances we get her barging into his mind unwarranted making him understand that she has full access to his inner most thoughts. Theres nothing romantic about that, and I think its why Thomas ends up being so perceptive to the smallest of gestures that allow him to think on his own and feel like his own person. Something I’ve seen Brenda do later in scorch, and something I’ve seen Newt do since the very beginning is that they allow Thomas to come to his own conclusions in order to create his own opinions on the matters at hand. Thomas’ love language revolves around words of affirmation. He likes it when people confirm his thoughts are valid and that remind him that WICKD can’t hurt him anymore now that he has the power to be his own person. This is where Newt comes in very handy. He allows Thomas to grow in ways his female love interests have yet to show, sorry Brenda but I’ve heard you were trying to unite all immunes together to the safe haven by the end and in a sense still only using Thomas to get by; I still think she was the better call than teresa of course and I have no remorse for Teresa getting smushed by a boulder. But essentially my point here is that, how do you fail to make your initial love interests clash so badly where one has no real care about the others well being so long as everything goes according to WCKD by using a form of gaslighting and manipulation? AND THOMAS HAS STATED HIS DISCOMFORT ON THIS MULTIPLE TIMES, but the narrative always erases these instances from his mind in place of pity for Teresa’s well being (as you can tell, Teresa through this becomes my least favorite character, I can rant about her some othe time though with proper backing). The narrative in turn treats it all like a joke. I understand there are scenes where Thomas is worried about her and looks out to make sure shes ok, but even then he doesn’t know how to react with mental images of her kissing his cheek or when she screams the next minute that she doesn’t know who he is or how hes speaking into her mind. And thats because they can’t properly communicate their emotions to the other, not even in fever code could Thomas give a forward answer if he loved Teresa or not, she just assumed. Come to think of it, Thomas really doesn’t show much affection to Teresa of his own accord. So then, how DOES Thomas show his affection? Thomas provides acts of service as his love language, if he cares about you enough he will risk his life for you. Why? Because Thomas values putting the people he loves foremost knowing full well they are what help him have purpose and succeed in continuing on. In a way, Newt and Thomas’ dynamic works in this instance because they balance the other out and because they have seen each other at their worst and at their best. In a way, that's why knowing the ending of the books makes it harder to accept that Thomas would just easily take the shot...when all his life clung to Newt’s survival. But that’s a story for another time where I compare the movies (of which let me make that clear, yes I prefer) over the books. For now just know that the book may have done this by accident, maybe not, but at the end of the day theres solid proof that Thomas and Newt care about each other in a way that is separately portrayed from their connection to the other glade members, and have this consistency of soft moments running through the entirety of the series. In conclusion; newtmas. Newtmas. NEWTMAS, etc.

[sunseteyes]

THE WINTER I SAW YOUR SMILE

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ STARRING: neito monoma; gn!reader

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ THEMES: fluff, enemies to lovers—more like idiots friends to lovers honestly

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ WORD COUNT: 2, 101 words

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ SYNOPSIS: like perry the platypus to doofenshmirtz, joker to batman, or even conan to kaitō kid, for you, neito was your archenemy. but why is it that no one ever asked neito what he thought of you?

ㅤㅤ ↪︎ INTERMISSION: this is an entry for our server collab secret santa! merry merry christmas @dimplesum i hope you’ll enjoy my gift for you~ also, thank you to @imahoeforanimeguys for beta reading this :D

[12:51 AM]

if there was one person who could understand neito well, itsuka kendou would say it would be you.

you have known neito monoma ever since you were children, maybe much more than anyone would, even if they were his new friends. no matter how much they knew him, it would always be you who knew him better, the best.

it was not because you were his childhood bestfriend, or sweetheart, or any of that sappy story seen in disney movies or romance novels. your and neito’s story is far too easy to understand than any of those for it can be summarized by the word “archenemy,” like perry the platypus to doofenshmirtz, or joker to batman, or maybe even conan to kaitou kid—yes, you were kind of addicted to that show for quite some time.

along with being neito’s archenemy comes with knowing full well what ticks him off and also what makes him feel pleased. basically, that knowledge became the reason why everyone knows you’re the one who has the better hand when it comes to neito in general.

so when did you two first treat each other like archenemies?

it started when you two were still in kindergarten, was it? you’ve known each other for so long that it still surprises you how you and neito still see and even talk to one another. you could barely remember how and when exactly the scene played about at that time, but there were bits of memories where it was him who started to get on your bad side. although on neito’s defense, it was actually you when you started commenting on his hairstyle back in the days. after all, he used to sport a straight cut of bangs back then and it was the very thing that got stuck in your mind and couldn’t help but let it out every single time you see neito’s face, no matter how much he had physically changed from the boy you used to know.

being neito’s archenemy consists of constant teases, banters, glares, smirks, and being scolded by someone—usually a teacher or a mutual friend of yours, which is kendou, since tetsutetsu joins into the arguments too, which leaves kendou to babysit the four of you.

it’s not as if you were always arguing or at each other’s throats though. people even say you two make a good team, but it will only lead to neito and you teasing each other on how the other is flustered by such a statement. you do admit that there is a wave of relief that washes over your chest whenever you hear those words, but you could never find yourself letting out that kind of confession especially since it would wound your pride, and boost someone’s ego—ehem, neito. you have no specific reason why it calms you down to have someone say those about you two, but it may be because it thrills you to have someone else tease neito, however it also gives way for him to tease you as well, so you have rather conflicting thoughts when it comes to that matter.

by the time neito and you had reached high school though, you knew something changed.

was it how the glares started softening a bit? was it when the bickers would shorten whenever one of you decides to give in to the other? people commented on how you two became more mature, but for some reason, you knew there was another reason why this came to be, something you dare not say nor even think about, not that it should matter anyway.

the knocking on the door startled you awake from your thoughts, suddenly urging you to stand from the sofa to answer whoever was on the right mind to knock on your apartment at half past 12, or wait is it 1 AM already? either way, it’s too late for anyone to try and visit you, unless it’s someone who has bad intentions, but would they really knock if they have? still, there’s nothing wrong to be cautious, especially during these days.

“neito?” the rush of words came out of your lips sooner than you had the time to shut yourself, it was also louder than intended that’s why the other person on the other side of the door was able to hear it loud and clear.

“(y/n)! you’re there, right? could you let me in? it’s freezing out here!”

“and why would i?” you retort back, already gripping on the knob to turn it and reveal neito’s figure right in front of you. “what the hell are you doing here? at this hour even?”

and yet, he ignored you, entering your complex, then pushing you aside as he enjoyed the warmth that your apartment provided, with you closing the door behind in order to give him a long, contemplating look.

he seemed like he came from somewhere else, considering that the way he dresses up for home and for outside activity were different and quite unique by themselves. you noticed it after a few times of seeing him stay by your apartment with your other friends, or when you all go out to shop, have a meal, or stop by some place itsuka had found. you two were always on the same friendship circle, you noticed, yet it had never occurred where you and him stayed in one place all alone, after all you two were considered as “archenemies” still, aren’t you?

“i’m asking you what you’re doing here, monoma.” you bluntly questioned, making sure to emphasize how you’ve said his name. whenever you call him by his surname, he and you both know that you were pissed—or coming to. and like any other time, he chose to make a comeback as well, just as you had expected.

“it’s freezing outside, (y/n), do you want me to die? come on, be a kind person for once.”

“i am a kind person, monoma, but as far as i know, you don’t usually barge into people’s homes at around 1 AM.”

he scoffs, still rubbing his gloved hands together, trying to warm them up from the temperature winter brought upon december. “it’s just 12:51, and you’re not just any people. aren’t we friends?”

it was your turn to scoff, bringing your grasps on your waist, leaning to the side as you raise your brows in utter disbelief. “friends? no we’re not, what are you talking about.”

it was the truth, anyway. even though you’ve treated him as an archenemy, throughout the years, you were friends with neito, it just so happens that you treat each other quite differently than most friends do, that’s why you chose to name it as a word that others don’t frequently use. who calls their friends an archenemy? probably only you, or some others too—maybe.

“hey (y/n), do you have any snacks, ramen perhaps?”

your eyes narrow at the sight of neito rummaging through your kitchen, already knowing his way around. how can you blame him when he had already visited the apartment a couple of times with itsuka, tetsutetsu, and a few other friends that you’ve had over the years.

sighing to yourself, you leaned to one of the counters as you watched him, now cooking not just a pack, but two packs of ramen—that was, mind you, yours. each and every equipment and whatever he was using was yours, and it should infuriate you, your mind tells you so. however, you just seemingly can’t.

“you should pay for those, including my gas, neito.” you muse to the boy, his back turned to you as he continued preparing the ramen that he was preparing for the both of you, the sight apparently engraving itself on your mind whenever you have the chance to look at your kitchen. what can you say? he looks good while doing stuff like these, and you wouldn’t mind having to see him do so next time, that’s if you would have the chance since you would bite your tongue before you could even confess about it.

“you know, i’m this close to thinking that you really hate me, (y/n).”

your brow raised, momentarily catching his eyes when he briefly glanced at you. “why’s that?”

“well for one, you’re treating me as some kind of enemy of some sort. we should be allies, you know.”

“yeah but you’re the one who always starts the argument first, neito.”

he chuckles then, leaning to the side as he sends a look to you, one that is glinted with slight mock and amusement, like per usual. “that’s because you’re so easy to rile up. you always have these puffy cheeks and narrowed eyes when you do,” he gestures to his own face and he suddenly laughs, pointing at you with a spoon. “-yeah! just like that!” he hollers, making your brows furrow even more, now glaring daggers at him.

“shut up.”

neito kept on laughing to himself and he only stopped when it was time to turn the gas off and take the saucepan out of the casserole, bringing it swiftly to the table where he lay it on top of a pot rest. it was also him who rushed to get bowls and utensils for each of you, which led you to simply sit down by the table, feeling a little bit awkward at how he basically served you and did the table for you. if you didn’t zipped your lips tight, you would’ve said how much you’d like to get used to this kind of treatment from him.

“what are you waiting for? dig in! it’s not like i put poison in it.” he chimes, getting his own part of the ramen and eating them in almost an instant that you were quite sure he must have been starving when he got here.

“what were you doing out, anyway? were you on a date?” the words slipped your mind as you ate, your eyes glanced down to the food, finding it difficult to look at him in the eye after such a question.

“hm? what if i tell you i was?”

you forced yourself to let out a shrug, still not meeting his gaze that was surely on yours. “it’s not like i care.”

he scoffs and chuckles—which was it, you have got no clue—one of the rare times when you seem unable to read neito’s actions.

“you’re acting like you do though.” he mutters as his smirk reached his ears, patting the chopsticks to his lips as he tried to intimidate you.

it was silent for a couple more seconds before you decided to break it, meeting his eyes with one of an uncertain gaze, almost wanting to look away immediately.

“why are you acting like we’re suddenly close, is this how you are after a date?” you questioned, hiding your hesitation by taking a bite of your ramen, letting its warmth travel down to your chest and your stomach, in hopes of comforting you in some way.

“you must be misunderstanding me, (y/n).” this time, his face was looking dead serious, no more smirk and glints of mischief by his irises, as if he had a change of mind in an instant. “i wasn’t on a date. i am on a date.”

your breath faltered and your movements came to a halt, the chopsticks and your hand raised on a level that left it hanging by the air, just like how the atmosphere stilled the moment you heard the words coming out of neito’s lips.

“what?”

“i said, i am on a date.” he points to you with his own utensil, gesturing for both of you. “we are on a date.”

“uh-when did i-”

“and before you react, i’m just here to clarify that i already know you like me, that’s why you’re acting like this.”

your mouth opened to react and retaliate, but you only looked at him in disbelief, watching his nose crinkle up in delight, the corners of his eyes curling as he grins, his hair slightly swaying softly at the smallest signs of his movements.

now he might be damn right that you like him, but it’s not as if you’ve realized it that long. still, your voice didn’t let you fight him back because he seemed to be enjoying his own bubble—one that he was gladly sharing to you right now. you’ll have to clarify his statement from earlier soon, but not now perhaps. because now, he looks so pretty with that smile, and you’d rather be teased than having to rid of a sight like that.

[firemblem-fics]

here’s part three! I’m really close to 1k (five away) and I kinda wanted to wrap it up but also like ... leave room for a part four to REALLY wrap things up maybe?? Idk

Also I’m NOT happy wit dis one but I think it’s decent. This was also written in mobile so I’m SORRY it’s kinda badly formatted I’ll shorten it later

parents PT 3. | claude

“What do you want?”

“Can I not eat dinner with my two favorite people?”

“Lorenz and Hilda are at the other table.”

Claude laughed at your annoyance and sat down beside you. You wished August had wanted to sit beside you today, but he insisted on sitting across. He saw everyone else sitting across from the person they were talking to, so he wanted to try it out as well.

“That was a good one. It’s a shame I tend to despise Lorenz more often than not.”

You decided not to respond, instead watching August as he ate the fish you had cut up for him. The chatter of the dining hall faded away as a warmth enveloped your hand. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked down, seeing Claude’s hand on top of your own. You looked at him questioningly.

He wasn’t looking at you. “I just wanna say that you’re doing a good job with him. And that I’m sorry for being an ass about him.”

You were confused. “What? What spurred this on?”

“When August stayed with me the other evening and I taught him how to tie his shoes-“

“I taught him-“

“It was a mutual thing, okay? We both did it.” He sighed, “I realized that it was kinda hard to watch after a kid for even an hour and that I was being harsh on you since you had to take care of him 24/7. So, I’m sorry. And I want to help you more. The kid’s kinda grown on me.”

“Oh, and I haven’t grown on you?” You teased.

“You certainly have, but this is about the kid you’re raising alone at 17. I wanna take him off your hands for the rest of the night. He and I can have a dude’s night and you can relax.”

You watched his eyes for any kind of suspicious glimmer, but it was hard with his hand still on yours, warming your entire body. August was listening patiently to the both of you, excitedly kicking his feet as he finished his dinner.

Reluctantly, you sighed. “Okay. But, please, don’t teach him any bad things.”

Claude linked his pinky with yours. “I promise. And be safe, now, it looks like it’s gonna storm soon.”

You watched as Claude then walked around the other side of the table and picked up August and his plate, the younger boy giggling the entire time. People in the dining hall had begun to watch, expecting you to yell at Claude, but you just sat there, eating your dinner.

The two boys waved goodbye at you as they went back to Claude’s dorm and your heart slightly hurt. You missed him already. Which boy were you talking about? You didn’t really know.

Your hand felt cold now without Claude’s, but you shook it off. He may have some newfound respect for you or whatever the fuck is going on, but he’s only doing it to make you flustered. Hilda said so herself.

But, was Hilda really someone you should trust when it comes to such things? She can be a little… much. But she’s Claude’s best friend. She has to know something, right?

Goddess, who knows.

You cleaned up and headed back to your room, getting ready for bed.

———

The storm was slowly picking up, the clouds covering the normally starry sky. You sat on your bed, reading a book, not used to your room being so quiet anymore. Usually August was telling you a story that he made up or playing with the little wooden horses and soldiers that you had bought him at the market, but now the toys lay motionless in the middle of your floor.

Rain was falling heavily now, pounding against the roof and you yawned, feeling sleepy. You turned off the oil lamp and laid underneath the blankets, ready to sleep-

Knock, knock.

What?

“Y/N? Are you awake… August is crying and he won’t stop and I, uh, I don’t know what to do.”

You turned back on the light and shot up from the bed, opening the door and immediately taking August from Claude’s arms and into your own. The little blond boy was sniffling and slightly damp from the rain. Claude came in and shut the door, sitting on the bed as you grabbed an extra blanket to wrap around the boy as you sat next to him.

“Auggie, what’s wrong?”

He gripped tightly onto your shirt as thunder rumbled across the sky. “...Don’t like storms. Scary.”

“Aw, buddy,” Claude reached over to rub his back. “It’s okay, we’re safe in here.”

August shook his head. “No…”

Claude looked at you and scooted closer to where your legs were touching. He still held onto August’s back. “Well, how can we help you?”

“Stay with me?”

You gave Claude a look, because there’s no way in hell Claude would be sleeping in your bed with you and your son. There was barely any room for the two of you, much less three.

Claude smirked, still keeping eye contact with you. “Of course, buddy, I’ll stay as long as you want.”

You were about to yell at him, but the way August lit up in happiness made you rethink it. He was about to thank Claude before lightning struck and made the ground rumble. He whimpered and buried his face back into your neck. You sighed.

“Alright. It’s late, so let’s get you to bed. If you’re asleep, you won’t even know it’s storming.” You stood up to turn off the light again and when you turned back around, Claude was already making himself quite comfortable. “There’s not enough room for the three of us to lay there.”

“Well, August can lay on you, then. He’s not really heavy, you’ll be fine.” Claude replied cheekily.

You rolled your eyes and pulled the blankets back, getting in and laying on your back. August was already half asleep, feeling comforted by the two of you being there. Claude slipped his arm underneath your pillow and laid his hand back on the boy’s back.

“What are you doing?” You whispered.

“Uh, comforting my son?”

“He’s my son.”

“Our son?”

“No.”

———

When you awoke in the morning, you were laying on your side. Normally this was okay, because August is already up and playing around like you heard him doing just now. But today was different.

Your room usually smelled like vanilla and patchouli- a wonderful, comforting aroma.

Waking up, you smelled Almyran pine needles and a scent that one could only describe as Claude. You opened your eyes and came face to … face with his chest a little too close for comfort.

His arm was still underneath your head, the other draped lazily around your waist as long legs tangled with yours. You could hear August whispering, but you didn’t think much of it until Claude whispered back.

“Auggie, do you know where Lorenz’s room is?”

“Yeah…”

“Can you go to his room and ask him to make a cup of (your favorite tea)? When he finishes, bring it back and be careful. It’s hot and you could get hurt. It’s for mommy.”

You waited for August to leave and close the door before lifting your head. “Mommy?”

“Ah, darn, you heard.” Claude smiled softly. “I was hoping to surprise you.”

“Why?”

“No reason, really. Just wanted to be nice.”

“Claude von Riegan being nice to me? That’s strange.” You joked.

Claude only laughed and leaned forward a little, pressing a small kiss to your forehead and taking you by surprise. You flushed.

“Wh-“

“I think it’s time I apologize, Y/N.” He paused, “I’m sorry for being an ass to you. I know I said it yesterday, but I gave you shit because it made you pay attention to me. You being so damn cute all the time frustrated me because all I wanted to do was kiss you and show you off. But I was scared and I thought that with my teasing, I made you hate me, so I continued to just fluster you. That’s no excuse, of course, so if you don’t want to forgive me then I’ll go back to my place as a babysitter whom you hate.”

Every word Claude spoke made your heart flip a little bit more.

Hilda was right. Curse her.

“I- I forgive you, Claude. Now that I’m thinking about it, you kinda grew on me. If there was ever a moment that you left me alone, I felt a little empty. Are you still gonna tease me?”

Claude smoothed out your hair and rested his chin atop your head. “I’ll fluster you, but in more affectionate ways. If that’s okay with you, of course.”

You could only smile. “Of course.”

You laid there for a few minutes in silence, relishing in the feeling of Claude’s thumb rubbing circles into your hip before the door opened. August walked in, carefully carrying a cup of tea. You both sat up and smiled, taking the cup from August as he crawled up and sat in Claude’s lap.

“Thank you, little one. And thank you, Claude.”

[goatsandgangsters]

For the trans asks! 1, 6, 14, 18, 25, 41?

1. How did you choose your name?

So the majority of people in my life call me either Em or EJ, though some people still call me Emeline (which is my given name). I don’t think I’ll ever consider it a deadname, because I do have some attachment, but I think the nicknames Em and EJ suite me better. People are welcome to use any of those options. While I’m particular about people getting my pronouns right and using neutral- or masculine-coded language, I’m kind of shrug emoji when it comes to names.

Em is actually largely @meyerlansky‘s doing (still suspended, rip), because they just... have a tendency to shorten people’s names and started calling me Em several years ago. And it just caught on! Particularly among online friends or mutual IRL friends, I looked around one day and was like “oh huh, a lot of people call me Em now, don’t they?” 

EJ has a bit more of an intentional story behind it: I first thought of EJ back in mmmmaybe late 2018? I saw a post on tumblr that was like, “I think it’s cool how there are a couple different Categories that transmasculine names tend to fall into” and listing those out. And one of them was initialisms—with examples like AJ, CJ, TJ. And I noticed, you know, J is always the second letter. And EJ is ACTUALLY MY INITIALS. And I just instantly felt really good about that, because here was a Very Gender Neutral Name, but it still already felt like a name I’d had my entire life. It was fresh and familiar all at once. It fit into this J pattern while also still feeling unique, because EJ is not as common as other -J initialisms. I first tried it out when I started going to a trans group IRL, so I have an entire trans friend group that only calls me EJ. The majority of people at work also call me EJ—similarly because nicknames just spread sometimes. I left my official documentation under Emeline, but mentioned to a couple people that I also go by EJ and then I blinked and almost every single person I work with calls me EJ. 

Both Em and EJ amuse me, because I’m surprised at how easy it is for people to pick up a nickname. I’ve found that people adjust to using a different name WAY more easily than they adjust to changing pronouns? Which is on the one hand an interesting observation, but on the other hand, it’s unfortunate because I CARE MORE ABOUT THE PRONOUNS PEOPLE USE THAN MY NAME

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

Short answer: 2012. I was a sophomore in college and one day I found out some people actually want to be their assigned gender?? I had thought we were all just miserably putting up with it. 

(There’s a longer answer here about realizing my gender in 2012 but then spending years and years overcoming my internalized guilt about “not being trans enough” and constantly moving my own goal post of “well I’m not trans enough because I don’t do x” and then doing x and going “OKAY BUT I HAVEN’T DONE Y” and then doing y and going “YEAH BUT I DON’T DO Z” and then wanting z and finally realizing, hey uh, how many times are you gonna move this goal post and also you’re eventually going to run out of goal posts—and finally having to go OKAY FINE, YES, I’M TRANS ENOUGH. I’M OUT OF EXCUSES TO INVALIDATE MYSELF.)

14. How long have you been out?

2018 was the first time I started telling people directly to use they/them pronouns for me. (I know, I know, took SIX YEARS RIGHT? But processing that is what my therapist is for.) But before that, I was definitely like in that vague place of “blogs about gender feelings and nonbinary stuff often enough that everyone who follows me like probably knew for a number of years before I said anything directly.” But in 2018, I was finally being Concrete and Direct about it, put it in all my socials, etc. Then in 2019, I came out to my parents and at my job for the first time. So officially, 2–3 years overall! 

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

If you asked them, they would tell you that they love and support me and they’re proud of me and they fully accept my identity. 

If you asked me, I would tell you that while they do love and support me, trans stuff is COMPLETELY BRAND NEW to them, so they don’t always know the right ways to show that support. It’s one of those “sometimes I wish it didn’t take work, but I know they’re trying and they mean well” situations

They ARE making progress, albeit more slowly than I’d like. Neither of them had ANY IDEA what I was talking about when I first came out. They very much... did not understand what I was telling them. So I made them both read a very good book on the subject, which they did read, and that helped lay some groundwork.

My dad has been consistently good about using neutral language from the start and as of a couple months ago started consistently using my pronouns! My mom still has not used my pronouns ever, which is kind of a bummer because she’s had... two years. She’s at the stage of “notices when she gets it wrong” or “aware enough to avoid pronouns,” which is better than not noticing at all, but it’s still not as good as getting it right. iT’S A PROCESS. I’m trying to be patient with it. They mean well. But god I wish it could just be easy, like a light switch. 

I still haven’t told them about my plans for top surgery. I’ve been putting off that conversation for....... months. It was actually the “pin in that for next week” comment to my therapist when we were wrapping up. But like, IDK IF YOU’RE STILL WORKING ON PRONOUNS, I FEEL LIKE “SURGICALLY REMOVING MY BOOBS” MIGHT SOUND LIKE A LOT?

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I MEAN, QUITE A LOT. But if I have to get specific, I wish there was more understanding of why pronouns are actually important. I get the sense from a lot of cis people who are older and who don’t have a lot of understanding about queer stuff to begin with, that they think of pronouns as like “something they have to be PC about” and if they use the wrong pronouns I’m going to be mad and offended and they’re going to be sent to pronoun jail by the language police. Like, people approach pronouns by thinking “I need to remember that she uses they/them pronouns, so I need to only call her by them/them pronouns.” 

But actually, I’m asking that they stop seeing me as a woman. I don’t want a linguistic bandaid slapped over internal misgendering. If you can’t internalize that I’m not a girl, then pronouns will continue to be a struggle. I’d rather people call me the right thing than the wrong thing, but I don’t want to only be called the right thing. I want to also be seen as the right thing, too. It’s like one of my friends had a coworker call them by the wrong pronoun and the coworker came to apologize and then was like “alright, see you later girl!” with apparently no cognitive dissonance whatsoever. Pronouns are important, but they’re also not JUST language. Pronouns are important because they signify seeing people authentically. I want people to get my pronouns right, but I don’t want getting my pronouns right to be ALL that people do. 

Also, the idea that trans people are “angry and offended” when you misgender them because everyone is so sensitive and political correctness has gone too far, instead of like “it’s a painful reminder that you never get to just exist as your gender the way that cis people do, that no matter what you do there are always people who’ll use the wrong pronouns—sometimes unintentionally, sometimes intentionally, and it’s death by a thousand cuts” is a whole other rant I could go on. But if I get into how the myth of trans people being “easily offended” is dangerous, unfair, and untrue, we’ll be here all day. 

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

When I was first starting out, I did—for better or worse—get a lot of information from tumblr. On the one hand, I can’t shit talk, because it did allow me access to information that at the time I couldn’t find anywhere else. On the other hand, tumblr is often an ugly place for information (and whatever nonbinary discourse and misperceptions might exist now, it was 38475785 times worse in 2012. good god. just fuckin wall-to-wall trusc*m). I can’t tell you how many “HOW TO PASS AS A MAN (FTM)” articles and blogs I read back in 2012 as well. I absorbed any information I could find about anything, anywhere, because it was not as widely available. 

In the interceding years, I feel like I don’t know exactly where my information comes from. I just absorbed so much of it, wherever it could be found, that I don’t have a strong sense of where it comes from. I’ve watched countless “1 month on T / 3 months on T / 6 months on T / one year on T” videos on YouTube. I’ve trawled transbucket and facebook groups looking at people’s top surgery results. I’ve read lots of articles on fitting clothing and masculine style onto bodies that weren’t necessarily intended for those clothes. 

Spending IRL time with trans people though has been by far the most enriching and healing, though. It wasn’t necessarily where I learned the basics like different methods of top surgery, but it was where I started un-learning a lot of the emotional baggage I’d picked up along the way. 

[Trans ask game! What has been your gender journey?]

[junewild]

tags masterpost

a couple of people have complimented me on my new tag system and a couple of people have asked me what tags go to what sort of content, so i thought i’d write up a little masterpost of what the tags mean, where they came from, and why they’re important to me! you’ll even get a sneak peek at a few tags that are very rare or have yet to be used 👀. this will be linked in my carrd when i get around to it. i’ve even tried to alphabetize them 😅 thanks for expressing interest, it’s very lovely of you all xoxo

#and i am close behind — home tag

a continuation of “the wild geese are heading home again” which is my nature tag. just for everything that makes me feel like i am coming home. 

#and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart — quotes and words tag

from a poem by e.e. cummings. “and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart / i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)”. words are just hearts speaking to each other, after all. 

#and i was like *screams* — space tag

from the jenny slate drunk history nasa episode, because she somehow manages to sum up fully 80% of my feelings about the universe in that one sentence

#angstposting — disordered thoughts tag

literally just stream-of-consciousness breakdown-posting. probably block this tag. i go back and clean it out after every breakdown.

#but they are all good stories — media analysis/literature critique tag

hilary mantel (whose work i have never read) wrote that “some of these things are true and some of them lies. but they are all good stories.” anyway, that’s how i feel about taking apart stories and narratives and looking at them from the outside. 

#can you not hear the ocean in me — mental health and disorders tag

the non-breakdown version. from this poem, which i can’t find anyone but i think is a deleted inkskinned or caitlyn siehl one: 

“i am alive; 

can you not hear the ocean in me; 

are you not aware of the war i am fighting ; 

i am alive ; 

you cannot take that from me”

#checkmate nihilism — crafts tag

higgsboshark wrote a lovely post about how knitting is a great treatment for existential dread & now that’s all i think about every time i’m crafting. checkmate, nihilism. look at this thing that i am making with my hands. it exists and it will change someone’s life. 

#dumbposting — misc tag

for tag games and dumb comments and things that don’t fit in anywhere else. 

#fashion is instant language — fashion/body art tag

okay. IS this a cliche prada quote? yes. but also, one of my first classes in college was about art & society & the first thing that we learned was that the human body is the first & most primal canvas. what you do with your body is a statement, a language you are sharing with the people around you. i get very emotional about it. 

#felt rather than seen — poetry tag

YES i am a BASIC WHITE GIRL, thank you. the first half of the da vinci quote. “poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen / “

#fill your arms with the pink and white flowers — spring aesthetic tag

from one of mary oliver’s slightly less well known poems. 

“do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden, and softly

exclaiming of their dearness,

fill your arms with 

the pink and white flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling, their eagerness

to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are nothing

forever”

#get in good trouble — activism/politics tag

are you really living if you aren’t making trouble for someone? write more letters. leave more voicemails. go to protests. join a mutual aid group. donate. there’s something you can do, even if it’s small. 

#i am building a world that is worth living for — moral living tag

slightly different from the activism tag bc this is more about what you/i can do in everyday life to make the world a better place. these are my own words, reminding me that to stay alive i have to build my own life and live in it. 

#i care to look on the outside like i do on the inside — gender/ sexuality tag

maggie stiefvater is a poet. 

#i have a magpie mind — happy tag

laurie graham’s version of the quote goes “i have a magpie mind, by which i mean i see and hear little things - photos, fragments of conversation - and store them away for future use,” and that’s what this tag is. just a lot of lovely things that i want to look back on. 

#i think i was a selkie in a past life — ocean/beach/selkie myth tag

someday i’m going to walk into the ocean and never come out again. j promised he would take me to a warm ocean where i can stand in chest-deep waves until i can’t stand any longer and i’ve never looked forward to anything so much in my life. 

#i wrote my own deliverance — creation/writing tag

this is not an admission of guilt. hamilton has a lot of words in it and these happen to be very nice. 

#it would be a merrier world —  food tag

because tolkien was right. 

#laughter for no cause — humor tag

funny things. half of a quote by louise glück. 

#let the wilderness engulf us again — discourse tag

i believe this is by christa wolf. anyway this is how i feel when i read Discourse. let’s all just get swallowed by the wilderness. who needs civilization anyway. 

#loveposting — affection tag

look, i’m just really gay and happy and i love my followers and my mutuals. let’s move on

#nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it — memory/emotion tag

yes, i have read everything ever written by l m montgomery, why do you ask? 

#offspring of heaven firstborn — light tag

constantly debating about whether i should change this one. i just have too many quotes about light. and too many posts about light. and too much love for light. this one is by milton, from the third book of paradise lost, and i memorized the entire chapter as a teenager because my “history” “class” believed in memorization as a form of education. 

#our bodies are meant to hold other bodies — sex/eros tag

from that little comic by grendelmenz (?). i KNOW it’s about cannibalism i DON’T care don’t @ me to love is to consume

#seen rather than felt — painting/visual art tag

and here’s the other half of the da vinci quote. 

#she stood in desperate music wound — music and playlists tag

from “a crazed girl” by yeats. tbh i usually lie upside down in my bed in desperate music wound but this poem kept me going as a teenager

#simply because the world is beautiful — misc tag

i just think the world is lovely and i am glad to be alive in it. this is where the rest of the assorted content goes. 

#someday you will be old enough to read fairytales again — fantasy/gaming/scifi tag

cs lewis got one thing right. 

#stardust will turn into kindness — joy tag

okay. okay i am still weeping about this man and his chickens. this tag is for every small creature who brings me delight. https://everychickdeservesamother.com/2019/08/17/all-the-good-there-is/

#thank god for the months after may — summer aesthetic tag

i haven’t listened to ben rector since i was seventeen but this is a good quote anyway and summer flowers are the thing that keep me going through the winter. 

#the first sign of civilization is a healed femur — civilization/altruism/kindness tag

paraphrase of the famous (possibly apocryphal) margaret meade quote. i saw a criticism of it by the green brothers, who were like “but lots of people/animals show altruism without any connection to civilization (eg buildings and cities and record keeping systems)” and i deeply disagree with them. civilization doesn’t require monuments, only people coming together to build (metaphorically) something bigger than they could have done as individuals. humans aren’t the only ones on that path, just the ones who’ve gotten the furthest down it. 

#the great sweeping wind — autumn aesthetic

yes i am a shameless l m montgomery stan. anne of green gables is my kindred spirit. 

#the quick and the dead — fungi tag

from the bible. you know. we all sin, we’re all alive or dead or both. fungi don’t care.

#the race that knows joseph — kindred spirit tag

haven’t gotten to use this one yet. looking forward to when i do. 

#the wild geese are heading home again — nature tag

shortened version of mary oliver’s poem. 

#there is a history in all men’s lives — history/natural history/anthropology tag

shakespeare knew how to use words. everything is history and i am excited about ALL of it. when will someone admit me into a grad school???

#we are the children of an indifferent universe — community/fandom tag

but, like colin meloy says, we are also the inheritors of a wonderful world. i think it’s amazing how we look at the universe around us and build communities and find meaning out of sheer spite. also i have got to refine this tag set better i can’t just shove ALL fandom content into one tag. stay tuned

#we don’t love this world without reason — awe/joy tag

from catadromously’s comic. this is for things that make me go “oh.” when i see them. 

#we shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us — architecture/interior design tag

churchill can have one right. architecture is one of my favorite art forms & interior design is something i love looking at and doing. someday i’ll even be able to afford it.

#we will be better than we were — recovery tag

from (yet another) caitlyn siehl poem that reads: 

“love is quiet love whispers “it is okay, we will be better than we were” and we are. we are.”

and we are. 

#within me; an invincible summer — winter aesthetic tag

albert camus wrote that: “in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, an invincible summer. and that makes me happy. for it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” winters are hard for me, but i hang on anyway. 

#you have no idea the joy that is coming — love tag

guess who this quote is by? if you guessed caitlyn siehl, you are correct. 

#you pull out the wild in me - feral aesthetic

not feral, just… wild. i don’t know. i don’t think i made this quote up but i can’t find it anywhere else so maybe i did. i’m guessing it’s now-deleted inkskinned or bonemeadows. 

#you’ve got to be kind — misc humans tag

kurt vonnegut. because yeah. we’ve got to be kind. that’s the only rule. we’re just humans and we have to be kind.

[deviantsgraveofnyx]

Chapter One - Versus

The social hierarchy in Konoha was intense. Your last name was your only treasure and those with ones of lesser importance found themselves coming up short on the social ladder. Shikamaru Nara was one of the people that found themselves seated directly in the middle of this ranking, however.

The last name Nara had gained him respect amongst his crowd, and even in good standing with a few of the Teels. His father, Shikaku Nara, was head of the operation that built the bridge which connected Konoha to other cities within the Land of Fire, and that was enough to establish his entire family as people of moderate importance.

Devs, short for Deviants, were the poorer of the two rivals—which was the main thing that separated them. Teels, also a shortened form of the word Genteel, found themselves on the luckier side of things.

Devs were known for being delinquents. Cigarette-smoking, fishnet-wearing, tousled-hair-having delinquents. Or at least that's how the Teels saw them. Shikamaru had come to believe that the rivalry was dumb and that once outside of Konoha, silly titles such as Devs and Teels would no longer matter.

However, he lived in Konoha at the moment and had never been outside of it, for that matter. He knew better than to denounce the rivalry publicly, Shikamaru was sure that both sides would place his head upon a pike and flaunt it at the city's self-titled entrance sign if he did.

"What's up, Shika?" His friend, Naruto greeted him as he—along with the rest of Shikamaru's friends, stood near his locker.

Shikamaru winced at the nickname Naruto had assigned to him, to Shikamaru, it sounded like one befitting of a teenage girl that refused to wear any color besides pink, rather than himself. "Yo," He responded before closing the locker.

"I completely forgot about Kurenai's homework, could you let me copy yours?" He questioned without a trace of shame apparent in his voice—as 'forgetting' to do his homework and copying Shikamaru's was routine for him.

"Naruto, you dumbass! You never do your work!" Sakura exclaimed, raising her hand and using it to land a painful slap across Naruto's nape.

"Ow, Sakura! What are you? A man or something?!" He groaned before rubbing the spot which had fallen victim to Sakura's strength, a scowl replacing his once sheepish expression.

"Bad move," Kiba muttered, watching as the already angry girl became livid at Naruto's remark.

"Sakura, you might want to calm down," Tenten mumbled, eyes drifting off past Sakura's head toward a certain group of people headed for their direction.

"Calm down?! Why would I-" Sakura spun around on her heel where she immediately blanched as she caught sight of the group in question.

Shikamaru could tell from the Konoha High School letterman jackets, tennis skirts, expensive shoes, and dapper hair that the group was of the Teel variety.

That was the thing, Konoha was still a small town at the end of the day. A small town with one high school, one middle school, and one elementary school. Both groups from either side of the tracks had to unite amid the common denominator that was their education.

Everyone knew that Sakura had an unrequited crush on a handsome Teel, namely, Sasuke Uchiha. It was truly hopeless, as no one had ever heard of a Teel dating a Dev. Besides, he was already in a relationship with Karin—a fiery redhead with matching, piercing eyes. She was a cute girl too, though Sasuke didn't seem too interested in her. To Sasuke, Sakura was probably another bottom-of-the-barrel, Deviant broad.

Shikamaru recognized the group of Teels as being Ino, Sasuke, Neji, Hinata, Karin, Shino, Gaara, and Temari. Temari had managed to make quite a name for herself. Shikamaru once heard that she had rejected every single guy that's ever tried to get at her.

"Kankuro, what's up?" Gaara stopped near Shikamaru's locker as he greeted his half-brother. He was one of the few Teels that didn't act like he was above Devs. Despite that, Shikamaru knew that he would rep his side if push came to shove. Kankuro, Gaara, and Temari were all related—yet Kankuro was a Dev, unlike his siblings. No one knew why and no one cared to ask.

"Nothing, where are y'all headed?" Kankuro asked curtly, he and his siblings were fairly alright with each other, but far from close.

"To the drive-in, Karui wants to take the gang to see some movie," Gaara responded with an exasperated sigh.

At the mention of Karui's name, Choji and Kiba both heaved a contrasting, dreamy one. She was a brown-skinned Teel with big eyes of a unique hue of yellow, and everyone acknowledged her as being wholly stunning.

Kankuro, recognizing Kiba and Choji's admiration for the girl, followed with his next question. "Where's Karui now?"

"She's coming right this way, actually," Gaara stated, and in turn, the resounding of expensive sneakers pattering against tiled floors alerted everyone of the girl's presence.

The gang of Teels, which had stopped behind Gaara, proceeded to walk toward a mutual rendezvous point in the hallway to meet with Konoha High's golden girl, Karui.

The other Teels hadn't even acknowledged the presence of Shikamaru and the rest of his friends. Shikamaru assumed that was their way of being cordial since the two groups were on school grounds. He knew that when nightfall came, those same Teels would begin terrorizing them as usual.

[hugsfromdad]

Lemme tell you about the time I got introduced to a girls boyfriend as her baby daddy:

So, my younger brother (19) is adopted and his biological family is extremely close to this other family that used to live down the street. My brother grew up with the daughter(18), and they were/are best friends to the point of being more like siblings. Due to my brother only coming into my life just over 2 years ago, I hadnt met this friend yet. (Imma call her T)

Well, last summer my bother graduated highschool and his biological family threw him a party. T was there. She came late cause her family had moved out of state and it was quite a drive. So i had been hanging at the party for a long time when she showed up.

And lemme tell yall: this girl is gorgeous. I was genuinely confused as to how this (i assumed) 20something year old was so close and playful with my brother. Like, i expected her to be stuck up based on how she was dressed and looked. But she took her heels off the moment she arrived and cracked a joke about something, and 10 seconds into seeing her, i knew she was cool.

She and i wound up sitting pretty close to each other at the table, and we immediately connected and started mutually busting on my brother together. Oh i should mention that i was like 1 month on t at that point, but my voice had already dropped considerably. I was dressed very nicely tho.

By the end of the party, she and i were getting along great, and i think my brother hated us both just slightly. So, i had another graduation party i had to go to, and so I left about the time my brother, T, and a couple of his other friends were ditching his party to go get ice cream. We all walked out together. I think i gave him and T and the others hugs before I left (damn, remember back when we could do that? I miss that) and so while I was curious about T, I was driving for the next couple hours and didnt get to text my brother until that evening.

Welp.... So this is the fun part.

When my brother got in the car with his friends, they apparently all were talking about how hot i was. He mentioned that i was trans like him, and they all were like "couldn't tell." "He's hot either way" and stuff like that. WELL, T up and just goes "I'd fuck him."

Let's just say my brother was equal parts angry and amused and annoyed and entertained. So he tells me everything, so he texted me everything, and I subsequently had a mild stroke because I had never had someone speak so bluntly about attraction towards me before. Also my grey/asexual ass has no idea what to do with sexually bold comments.

So i then ask my brother who she is and how he knew her and such. I come to find out she had yet to turn 18, so once i got over my shock, I obviously was like 'this is amusing and I'm flattered, but i aint about to touch this cause I am not about to be accused of with flirting with a minor." However, I think i just texted him "NOPE. I dont mess with minors." Or something like that. Either way, i thought we were done.

I WAS OBVIOUSLY WRONG

so... I was the 20 year old who was not about to hit on or flirt with T. T, on the other hand, had ZERO problems with drooling over me. (I say drooling not to boost my ego, but because thats almost literally exactly what she did)

My brother realized immediately how much fun he could have with torturing T by using me. So, he just started snapchatting her everytime we hung out. This semi backfired on him tho because she would then immediately facetime him and tell him to give the phone to me. The conversation that usually went down was something like "can i have him?" "No." "But i want him." "No, T. You cant have him." "Let me see him." "No." "Lemme see himmmmmmm." And then the phone would be handed to me and i would sit there half awkwardly half amusedly smiling and saying hello as she just stared at me and gave me a very soft "haaaiii bennnn, how are you?" And then proceeded to compliment me to the point where i would just blush and then hand the phone to my brother when i didnt know what to do.

This went on for....months. She turned 18 at some point, but I wasnt trying to flirt back with her, i only made note of it because I was extremely relieved to at least know that the person hitting on my was legal. And i will say, she would say some very bold things to both my face, but even moreso to my brother. I think partly to piss him off, definitely cause she was dead serious about it, but also because I think he kinda picked up on the fact that i didnt know how to handle her saying those things to me. So...my brother regularly was shouting at her to shut up and that he didnt want to know those things, or that she was talking about his brother.

So eventually she went off to college, and she met a guy there (24ish) and they got together. He's very attractive, obviously relatively older than both her and i, and i was happy she found someone. ...I was also extremely relieved and therefore foolishly thought that that would be the end of it.

Oh how I was wrong.

So, due to quarantine, i hadnt seen my brother for a long ass time. He was with his bio family, and we just facetimed to stay in touch. However, he came over on Saturday and we just out in the yard.

WELL THIS ASSHOLE SENDS A SNAPCHAT TO T UNBEKNOWNST TO ME.

AND SO SHE CALLS. AND SAYS "lemme see my baby daddy'

i obviously was extremely flustered and concerned, so i was like asking her how she was, and how was school, and of course shes making comments about how handsome i am..and such. so im trying to not have to reply to those cause in my head im still dong the math that she has a boyfriend of a considerable amount of months, and so then i ask her about him, and how long theyve been together and so on.

Well,

SHE'S LIKE "oh, he's actually here:) you wanna meet him?"

When i tell y'all I started panicking. When I tell y'all ive never been so confused and concerned... I gave my brother a wide eyed look of shock and fear.

This woman. This absolutely bold and unconcerned woman walks into the other room, and goes "hey hun, you wanna meet my baby daddy?"

WHEN I TELL YALL I STARED AT MY BROTHER IN FEAR AND THEN ABSOLUTELY STUTTERED AND BLUSHED MY WAY THROUGH SAYING HELLO TO THIS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL AND SOFT AMAZING MAN, Damn. This guy seems amazing, cause he just grinned and warmly went along with her and we said hello and such, and then i basically threw the phone at my brother and sat there in extremely concerned bemusment for the next 30 minutes

So yeah, that's it. I have no idea as to the inner workings of this woman's mind, but it shortens years off of this disaster bisexual's life. I am never prepared for her when she calls.

I hope yall enjoyed. I havent told a disaster bi story for awhile, and so I figured id share this one cause it greatly and equally amuses And stresses me out. I hope to typos arent too bad cause I'm half asleep✌