#also i think were doing in jan 8th which is funny

[charlie-is-three-rats]

whats a cute name for a belated christmas party

context my friend had a really shitty christmas so im planning them a little mini faux -christmad-day celebration with some of our other friends

i think its gonna become like a tradition though so i kinda need a better name for it

[izpira-se-zlato]

Munich, 26.03.24

Gig report! Can’t believe this tour is almost over :o In true Joler Ot fashion I am writing this while our train is losing a broken carriage so we're picking up delays. Fun.

The queue was. Insane. I just. Boggle at how we went from the chill Berlin and Hamburg and Leipzig queues to this.

The actual queueing was pretty chill regardless, thankfully

There was a whole-ass. Like. Tumblr meetup? Not like, planned, but I met (at various points) @occhi-verdi-come-il-mare, @nyx-aira, @itskrejsaitsparty, @j-restlessgeek, @lovvecherrymotion, @thisismyobsessionnow, @zadig-fate, @mogoce-nocoj and probably more because my brain is a sieve. So wild to just meet these people irl, you know?

My place in the queue was right in front of the person who sold Kris and me our EA tickets, which I thought was super funny

Kris was technically way further ahead of me but traded her place with a teenager whose only gig on this tour was this one and who was super bummed by someone cutting in line in front of them, and instead joined me further back and jfc we had so, so much fun. So glad I didn't have to be all alone. Gigs are more fun with friends, as it turns out (who woulda thunk)

I got a lot of short messages for my gig memory book 😊

I'm actually out of I 💛 Hojan and medium Hojan stickers. And I think tall Hojan stickers? So there's an end in sight 😂

super late gig start (EA doors was at 19:00)

The Munich venue is tiny and so Kris and I were… 7th or 8th row Jance side. I saw pretty well for the soundcheck, but after general doors a tall girl with two friends pushed her way in front of us (cutting in from the side) and severely limited my view… until a queue friend asked if we wanted to swap places bc she's taller and also wanted to be next to her friend (who was another tall person in front of us). So Kris and I went on Jan-side kinda in front of the speakers and it was a really great view 😊(thank you again)

We got NGVOT (no Kris version) and Vem da greš for soundcheck

Jance played each others' instruments (again). Well. I think Jan played Nace's bass while Nace either touched the dials or the tremolo. I hate them

there was also another Jance moment that got such a homophobojan from Kris I had to laugh. I think Jance were playing their instruments at each other at that moment? Kris was just "jfc guys" from his expression

Sector 5 were so, so good from our spot. Finally heard the lyrics again (I heard only the drums and maybe a bit of the guitar in Cologne). Sound-wise, our spot was excellent ngl.

I'll definitely miss them. If they have a concert in Berlin I can swing (or come by where I live), I'll definitely go. But yeah, I really grew to like them! (also they're babies. like. 21. They all studied music in Berlin, which is where they met. And the guitarist used to do parcour for several years which is why he did a backflip on stage each show)

they were definitely adopted into the family with glasses given to them (they kept falling off Mika's face so the guitarist, Johann, put them on and looked slej) and people singing along and just. The vibes were great. You could also definitely tell they'd settled into the stage compared to Berlin (which was their first gig for JO)

JC Stewart 🥰

I really grew to like his set, if he ever comes near where I live, I'll go for sure

I still don't understand the timeline of the boys meeting JC tho. It doesn't make sense. According to JC, Conor introduced them at the end of last year, but I'm pretty sure they didn't have time to be in the UK. At least not all five of them

Kris and I attempted to speak JC's jokes at the same time as him. It worked worryingly well

Actual gig was Katrina opener

Jan in only a leather jacket, worn open?? Maybe Bojan was right and they did run out of shirts xD boys have you heard of the concept of a laundry machine?

Nace in a simple white shirt, tucked into his pants. Jfc. Truly starting to be Nace girlie (gn) period

Kris wore a half collar underneath a sweater vest which was a look. What kind of look? I'm still not sure, if I'm honest

Jure in the sleeveless jeans vest and otherwise topless. I caught glimpses of him and hnnng

Bojan was also there ig

well. There was a small girl in the audience (on her mom's shoulders) of around. 7 or 8 years? So we got a whole lot of heart-eyes-Bojan

the girl sang UM and Bojan pulled her onto the stage (no Bojan in the audience bc of the speakers)

no idea how long UM lasted bc I put stuff on Instagram in the meantime

we got Barve 😭 I screamed so much and was so happy and gaaaah. I love this song so so much. And of course Bojan did the Ju-re Ma-ček! (and so did the audience)

we got Schlager 😭 Bluza my beloved where are you

tho tbf they look so fucking happy playing that song

Nace almost went to his knees in front of Jan twice (at least)

they also did that "leaning against each other"-thing again

I didn't film a lot bc I was too busy vibing, though I did take a bunch of pictures

Fairy!Bojan. Or as @itskreisjaitsparty put it on tumblr: Prinzessing Lilifee at home

People threw stuff on stage like a crown with a veil attached and sparkly glasses and so Bojan went, "Kris, you have to put on everything they've thrown at you!" and Kris did

Nace got heart-shaped glasses with rainbow studding and tried to show Jan immediately but Jan was busy 😂

The atmosphere of the gig was really, really good

The girls next to us started bawling during Barve iirc and just. Didn't stop. The cute security guard near us (who I think recognised me from the December Strom gig) shared amused glances with me bc the girls were kinda adorable. At least that's how I chose to interpret their expression

someone fainted ahead of us. Though not badly enough to be removed, just sat down for a while while the security guard stood, well, guard and had the girl drink something

It was actually so freeing not to be not in the very front but off to the side. We had space to dance and make snarky/funny comments at each other and just laugh

I got a Vita wave! She was shooting from behind the merch table, which was up two stairs from where I was, and so I kept glancing back, and just before she made her way into the crowd to shoot from there, she waved at me :D

They got food (Trolli gummi bears 😂) and Nace fed Kris two of them. I didn't catch the moment on video but it was so cute

After the gig, we talked a bunch to the Sector 5 guys. They're kinda adorable

JO left immediately without even saying goodbye to the Sector 5 guys. Guess Bojan wasn't the only one out late last night (it was a bit disappointing because Munich didn't get them last time, either)

we still stayed and talked to each other a whole bunch well after it was clear JO had left -- chatted with Mika (Sector 5 singer) a bit more, and then just the tumblr girlies

as we turned to leave for Astrid's hotel room (just like last time) well after the band had left (just like last time), I said, "well, at least this time they won't have reason to tag me on IG" (unlike last time), only to open my phone to a tag from Jan bc he restoried my pic😂 collecting yet more twinning moments from Jance ig

[muwi-translates]

Weekly Gundam News Comics (Gundam Wing)

Needed to scratch the translation itch - so I found a bunch of cute short gag comic strips of the boys! Sorry for the terrible cleaning for some of them, not my strong suit, unfortunately.

Some background information: these are from the Gundam Info website’s Weekly Gundam News column. I’ve picked out all the Gundam Wing ones, and usually they advertise some cute marketing event or are just funny. Keep in mind that since these comic strips span back to like, 2013, so a lot of these events are super outdated LOL. I’ll try to explain any references as they pop up.

These comic strips were drawn by 小林ミツツグ (who has been doing these for years now!!) and will be listed in ascending order.

Comics under the cut:

Posted: 30th April 2013

You are about to see A LOT OF THESE ‘Golden Week’-themed comics. The running joke is that GW can stand for both Golden Week and Gundam Wing so they really like turning it into a gag.

Golden Week is basically a week off for all major businesses/schools because it has public holidays back-to-back and goes from end of April to early May.

Wufei is sitting in a ‘shoubu-yu’, a type of bath children take on May 5 (Children’s Day) where you put Japanese iris roots and leaves in the water with you. It supposedly wards off illnesses and misfortune. ‘Shoubu’ is also a homophone with ‘duel’, so the bath is meant to give you luck in battle too. Very Wufei of him.

---

Posted: 15th Oct 2013

The thing he’s holding is less so a flipbook and more a picture book that is used with storytelling.

---

Posted: 30th Apr 2014

See? I told you.

---

Posted: 28th Apr 2015

---

Posted: 3rd May 2016

---

Posted: 2nd May 2017

---

Posted: 1st May 2018

Chimaki is a type of sticky rice dumpling wrapped in a bamboo leaf.

---

Posted: 7th May 2019

---

Posted: 8th Oct 2019

Referencing the line Relena says in the final episode where she tears up Heero’s letter.

---

Posted: 9th Oct 2019

I think this is referring to the 40th anniversary Gundam Beyond project?

Mala is a type of spicy and numbing Chinese seasoning. It’s pretty much just Sichuan peppers and other spices.

---

Posted: 19th Nov 2019

---

Posted: 22nd Sep 2020

Advertising for the Gundam Cafe x Namjatown collaboration. Look that one up - Heero looks goofy with cat ears, haha.

---

Posted: 15th Dec 2020

---

Posted: 5th Jan 2021

Their drinks include a o-mikuji which is normally a random slip of paper that has your fortune for the year written on it. You typically get them at shrines. If you get a bad fortune, you tie it to a tree or a fence with other bad fortunes. I assume this is like a chocolate version of that or something edible. 

The standard ranking of fortunes goes from: great blessing, blessing, small blessing, half-blessing, future blessing, future small blessing, and misfortune.

---

Posted: 19th Jan 2021

Quatre here is referencing the scene where Heero punches Duo in the gut. 

4DX is a movie experience where the seats move and like, water sprays on you and stuff to immerse you better into the movie. I didn’t know Endless Waltz got a 4DX version? Do they turn up the temperature when Quatre goes to retreive the Gundam when he’s near the sun LMAO??

---

Posted: 27th Apr 2021

---

Posted: 12th Oct 2021

[jinxviolets]

tumblr tag game

tagged by @lillnasx <3 thank u nico!!

1. Why did you choose your url?

i was obsessing over shadow and bone and i wanted a jesper fahey url but the only one i got wasn’t as nice so i went with this one lol. also it won the url poll i did

2. Any side blogs?

yeeehaaa: @elliewillaims - dark fandom; @chekov - pale/bw fandom; @gotaskyful - aesthetic/nonfandom; @klgharrah - writing; @thebucky - various resources i compile, like themes/templates/tutorials/etc

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

started in jan. 2011, left for most of 2017-2020, came back last summer bc the pastabake made me bored and miss connecting with folks online!

4. Do you have a queue tag?

yep! #queue good? referring to the way sam would check up on bucky in tfatws (”you good?”)

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

my friend and i were both making every social media account possible in 8th grade, basically

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i would fucking die for jesper fahey

7. Why did you choose your header?

i wanted to theme it around loki and then he went all ~dramatic~ in pompeii and i thought the whole “nothing matters! we’re all going to die!” was really funny so i made it my header lol

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

the shitpost about creation ideas i finally deleted bc the notifications were OVERWHELMING (but i reblogged it first), which currently has 133k

9. How many mutuals do you have?

i think it’s around like 120?

10. How many followers do you have?

786 :) the shitpost brought a lot of people to my blog lmao

11. How many people do you follow?

341! could definitely use some more 😅

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

yes many but now i’m wary bc of the one that took off lol

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

TOO MUCH!! too much. i open the app. i close the app. i open it again. i close it. i open tumblr on my laptop. i open it on my phone. i realize it’s open in both places and sit and stew in my life choices.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

i have not! 

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

most likely i'll scroll past bc i’ve seen too many of the pointless ones that it’s like the boy who cried wolf at this point

16. Do you like tag games?

yeah!!! even though i just did like 2-3 weeks’ worth of them bc i was hella behind i think they’re cute <3

17. Do you like ask games?

i love ask games!!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

last time i said anyone with followers in the tens of thousands and i think i’ll hold to that, as well as the fact that no one’s really “famous” on tumblr anymore. maybe well-known as creators (or even shitposters lol) but i’m not sure people have the incredibly massive followings they used to back in ye olden days

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have a love so intense for every single one of my mutuals i bet they wouldn’t even know what hit em if i said so.... but no crushes

god i have no clue who to tag for this so uhhhh here’s some no-pressure tags: @buckybarne @magsbane @milesgmorales @sirtadcooper @malyeoretsev @yelenabeluva @janesfoster @phantomviola @themarshalstale @magnusedom feel free to ignore ♥

[romansrace]

S12: What If the challenges came in reverse order?

THE ORIGINAL ORDER >> THE NEW ORDER: E1. rap challenge >> Vegas performance challenge E2. broadway challenge >> One-woman show E3. improv challenge groups >> makeover E4. ball >> political challenge E5. acting challenge as one group >> advertising challenge E6. Snatch Game >> Madonna Rusical E7. Madonna Rusical >> Snatch Game E8. Droop advertising >> Gay’s Anatomy E9. political challenge >> Ball E10. makeover >> small groups improv E11. one-woman show >> Broadway performance E12. Vegas-esque show >> Rap performance/RuMix

EP1 opens with one half of the queens in their original configuration: Gigi, Widow, Jackie, Crystal, Nicky, Brita and Heidi enter the werkroom. Their challenge this week will be a tribute to the Werq the World tour, a performance with vocal and dance elements. Due to performance in the original episode 12, I see Gigi and Jackie - who performed phenomenally, but B2'd due to track record - as this week's top 2. I would expect Widow to not have as much ability to show off dance moves in this genre. As in the original ep12, the lipsync song is On The Floor. As we know, Gigi will be concealing some of her abilities at this stage, as she did originally, thus will deliver a similar comedy lipsync to Jackie rather than an acrobatic dance performance. As such, I actually see this win going to Jackie - Ru and Michelle will appreciate her rapping after demonstrating a softer side in the main challenge. As originally, there is no elimination. Jackie WIN, Gigi TOP2/HIGH, Brita HIGH, Widow SAFE, Heidi SAFE, Crystal + Nicky LOW.

Ep2 is the second premiere. Jan, RockM, Dahlia, Jaida, Predator Pie and Aiden have to perform a one woman show. Due to hosting experience, SP and Jan will be the top 2 in this challenge. They lipsync to 1999 by Prince, which Jan will win. I see all of the other girls struggling somewhat with this challenge which originally saw Jaida B2 as episode 11. Jaida however this time won't do as badly as Aiden or Dahlia who should be quite comfortably the two LOW placements, leaving Jaida and RockM as SAFE this episode.

Ep3 is now the makeover challenge, which will be a big ask for 13 queens who are just meeting each other for the first time now! Originally this challenge was won by Jaida. Outfits were brought from home and altered in the werkroom by the queens after meeting their partners. I see Jaida once again winning this challenge. Jan and Jackie as the winners of Ep1 and 2 will have the power to pair up their respective fellow debut queens with partners. As Jaida is a professional makeup artist who won originally even with a pale white partner, and who customized her garment on the fly, any partner should be workable for her to win - and I don’t feel either Jan or Jackie would deliberately give her a bigger partner to handicap her at this stage. The B2 for this challenge should be interesting. Based on the girls' skillsets and the difficulty of transforming with a family resemblance, the bottom 3 for this challenge I see being Dahlia, Brita, and Aiden. Dahlia because her aesthetic is limited and thus harder to definitively recreate as her own, Brita because her design skills were questionable and she may be paired with a drag daughter with a very different body shape to herself requiring last minute adjustments, and Aiden because she was generally one of the weakest queens. Of the three, I see Aiden being able to work out the best family resemblance through a simple black and white outfit and pussycat wig, leaving a B2 of Brita and Dahlia. Brita annihilates Dahlia in a lipsync to Kill The Lights. Crystal and SP retain the HIGH placements of the original challenge, with everybody else SAFE.

Ep4 is the polticial challenge with 12 queens, originally won by Jaida. It would be an unusual move, but I think the show would decide to let Jaida get a second win consecutively even by only episode 4, letting her be an early front runner threat storywise. Gigi's robot act will go down a lot better this time as it's the judges' first time seeing it - although her runway that missed the Stars and Stripes brief will assure she won’t go higher than Safe on this challenge. Widow should be more positively received now too as her arc is no longer over at this stage. I also think, based on likely challenge performance and her shared runway, Brita would find her lane in this episode and do quite well - her loud nature would be an asset in this kind of challenge, as well as it being a Rudemption for her previous B2. As such I see: WIN Jaida HIGH Widow Von Du and Brita SAFE all other queens, except Nicky, who struggles with this challenge due to language barrier/jokes coming across poorly, and Jackie Cox, for the same reason as originally - overreliance on one joke. Nicky and Jackie lipsync to Katy Perry’s Firework and Nicky is eliminated. The one LOW placement in the challenge goes to Aiden once again.

Ep5 is the advertising challenge, originally won by Heidi N Closet. Heidi doesn't have any stronger comedy competition here, and should win this episode nicely again with Crystal and Jackie HIGH. Of the remaining queens, Brita is likely to be Low. Aiden is a dead (boo.) cert for B2 in this challenge, and will be joined this week by Widow Von Du as originally. Widow obliterates Aiden to Chaka Khan.

Ep6 is now the Rusical with just about the original queens at this stage here; remaining in the competition are Brita, Rock M, Gigi, SP, Heidi, Jackie, Jan, Jaida, Widow and Crystal. Gigi lobbies for and wins Papa Don't Preach Madonna and once again wins the challenge, now her first win. Crystal and Jan are this week's HIGH queens, as originally. Brita originally stumbled here and does again in this challenge. Heidi this time joins her in the B2 and they lipsync to 'Burning Up' by Madonna. Heidi customarily eliminates Brita in 10th.

Ep7 this time round is Snatch Game, now with the addition of RockM Sakura in place of Aiden Zhane, and no Brita, since it's coming an episode later than in the original chronology. As such, we're without both of our original bottom 2, guaranteeing Crystal Methyd who originally placed LOW a B2 here. Widow Von Du will be Low in this configuration, and RockM will join Crystal in the B2 both for how I imagine she'd perform, and her runway, which will be the weakest there by quite a margin, since she shared her (quite basic) look on Insta. The lipsync, to Let It Go, will be very interesting - being not particularly in either Crystal or Rock's wheelhouse, but allowing both queens to give an emotional performance. I actually think Rock would edge this one on Crystal with the help of emotional connection and some well-timed acrobatic elements - unless she got stuck in her gown again - but Ru would make the call to save Crystal due to her greater interest in her. Rock M thus goes out in 9th. The episode is won by Gigi, becoming the second queen to get two wins consecutively, with SP and Jackie HIGH.

Ep8 is the Gays Anatomy acting challenge, now with three less queens than originally. The fork gag is cut, as is the gag of Meredith's recasting. Gigi and Crystal as the top and bottom of last week get to assign the roles. Widow lobbies hard for Dr Mother which originally went to SP, and Crystal as Widow's Missouri ally decides to let her have it. SP instead takes the other mother role that Widow originally had, with Heidi playing her baby due to her natural gap tooth. Gigi, Jackie, and Jaida maintain their roles, while Jan and Crystal now take on Brita and Aiden's doctor and patient routine - which will be much more in Crystal's wheelhouse. The runway category this episode remains the capes theme. SP once again wins this challenge, performing the scene much better with Heidi than Widow and Nicky originally did it, however, Heidi's runway pulls her funny performance down, as it did in the original challenge. Originally this challenge had 5 HIGH queens, which will reduce to 3 as we now have several less queens; hence this week's High queens are Crystal, Jan, and Widow. Jackie is Safe with Gigi - who didn’t have much to do in the original task and who has a worse runway than Jackie - Low, and this week's B2 are Heidi and Jaida - who on balance performed worst in the challenge and runway. Due to track record, Jaida knocks out Heidi in 8th.

Ep9 is the Ball challenge with remaining queens Gigi, SP, Jan, Jackie, Jaida, Crystal, and Widow. As originally, Gigi wins this challenge - although I personally thought Jaida was stronger - with Jaida HIGH and Crystal also elevated HIGH from the original safe queens, as original High from this challenge Nicky Doll is no longer with us. Jan is Safe with SP Low and Jackie now B2ing with Widow Von Du. Widow is eliminated based on track record.

Ep10 is now World's Worst, with six queens remaining. The challenges are reduced to two three person teams, chosen by the winner and B2 of last week; Gigi and Jackie Cox. The remaining acts are the Del Rio Trio and the Squirl Scouts acts - removing the dreary 3 Girls 1 Brain and the confusing fruits and vegetables act. Jackie, picking first, chooses the strongest actor in SP, while Gigi picks Jan. Jackie then picks Crystal based on Jaida's previous B2 in an actng challenge, so Jaida joins Gigi's team. Usually we have an acting challenge judged in teams, but this didn't happen in the original season 12, so we'll leave it out here too. Whichever configuration of the teams to scenes happens, SP will undoubtedly win this challenge as she did originally. We'll presume SP's team gets the Del Rio trio this time round. I can't see Crystal standing her own in a scene with SP and Jackie, and her buttons and bows runway landed her Low in the original episode so will ensure she B2s here. Aside from Crystal's assured B2 and SP's assured win, the rest of the girls are difficult to place as they may perform comparably to each other. Originally, Jackie was High in this challenge. However, she was coming off a High placement the previous week, whereas now she's coming off a B2. Her runway look and shaky mug was spared critiques when this was episode 3, but for this stage in the competition will likely be dragged harder as a step down from the glamorous looks she's already shown the judges in this episode order. Furthermore, Jackie's story arcs were played out by this stage in the original season. Additionally, she will have been in a team of 3 with SP, who originally dominated her scene partners. For that reason, I see Jackie joining Crystal in this week's B2. Jaida will be Low in the challenge, with Gigi Safe and Jan High based on performance and runway. Crystal and Jackie will lipsync to Problem by Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea. This is again one that could go either way - Jackie is bound to nail the rap, while Crystal will pull out some comedy dancing. My read is that Ru, based on track record and the fact this is Jackie's second consecutive B2, chooses here to eliminate Jackie Cox in 6th place.

Ep11 this time is the Broadway challenge, with remaining queens SP, Jaida, Gigi, Crystal, and Jan, and a Tulle runway theme. This challenge was originally won by Jaida, with Jan and SP High. With Gigi and Crystal in the mix, things will change a little, but not too much - Jaida and SP will be the highest and second highest once again. Gigi's undoubtedly acrobatic challenge performance and what she would likely bring for a Tulle look will see her Safe this week, while Jan - whose performance originally was disliked by Ru and Michelle, despite a High placement - will fall into the B2 with Crystal. As Crystal's third lipsync and second running, there's no saving her, especially against a seasoned performer like Jan, and with regret Ru eliminates her in 5th place.

This season's final challenge is now the rap challenge with Nicki Minaj guest judging. In a role reversal from the original season, the majority of queens remaining now did not originally compete in this challenge. The runway theme 'Sparkle' will now be renamed 'Finale Sparkle Eleganza', undoubtedly. Originally Gigi and Widow Von Du were the top 2 in the challenge. As Widow is no longer here, that top spot is up for grabs. Of the queens remaining, Jaida is most likely to have a good rap performance based on her performances in other such challenges, but would her verse be better than Gigi's? There's really no way of knowing. I feel that to avoid giving Jaida two wins in a row for a second time, the final win of the season would go to Gigi with Jaida High, SP Safe and Jan Low. However, all four queens would proceed to the final.

By track record this time, the queens run as follows: Jan: WSSSHSHSHBL Gigi: HSSSWWLWSSW Jaida: SWWSSSBHLWH SP: HHSSSHWLWHS

As in the original season, Gigi and Jaida have the best track record, so it will be between them for the win, whether or not SP is disqualified like in the original season (if her actions had, for example, not come to light before airing/live final). With a lipsync for the crown finale, the winner of the season is most likely to be, as originally, Jaida Essence Hall, who proved herself throughout the season to be the strongest lipsyncer on the show, and who defeated Gigi in the original finale.

FINAL RANKING BELOW TOP 4:

5th Crystal Methyd LHSHHBHHBB

6th Jackie Cox WSBHSHSBB

7th Widow Von Du SSHBSLHB

8th Heidi N Closet SSSWBSB

9th RockM Sakura SSSSLB

10th Brita HBHLB

11th Aiden Zhane LLLB

12th Nicky Doll LSB

13th Dahlia Sin LB

[crispsevans]

2018 in review.

Here’s my year in review. It’s been a tough one. I know, you shouldn’t blame a system that mankind came up with to keep track on time for all of this, but it just happened to happen in 2018.

January: My year started off in Rotterdam, The Netherlands, where my former roommate and I went to for New Year’s last year. When we came back home a lot of not so nice surprises waited for me which led to a mental breakdown in...

February: Probably one of the worst months of my 2018. I spent hours and days of locking myself up and cry and feeling empty, just like I did all those years ago. I knew it was time for a change and since we had to move out of our flat anyway, I took a step back and instead of looking for a new place for myself, I made the decision to go back home to get healthy again. I looked for an open therapy spot and arranged everything to go back home to my dad’s house.

March: Saying goodbye to Cologne wasn’t very easy for me at all. Packing all my stuff, I realized I’d be leaving with way more stuff than what I have moved in with. I packed up 17 huge boxes and tons of bags and suitcases filled with my life and it took us three days to get everything back into my old hometown and into my old bedroom. Thanks to my boss at this point, because he was such a big help, really!

April: Back in my hometown, I felt relieved. So much pain was just gone in a snap and I felt so much better now that the weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt a lot more free than I have in the 7 months before and my anxiety slowed and stripped down, which was a nice change. But I kept being dumb and made some stupid mistakes which led to bad things in the following months.

May: Being a wedding photographer, I only took on very few weddings this year which meant financially I was basically ruined. I haven’t thought about this too much, but I thought I should take care of myself and my health first, since I overworked myself in 2017. Well, not my best idea, let me tell you. I should’ve worked a way out to stabilized both, my health and my finances. Instead, I didn’t and a huge mess was waiting for me by the end of the year. But for now, in May I had my very first wedding of the season and it was a very good and beautiful one. I won new friends and clients through this and in general that day was one of the happiest of my 2018. Shoutout to Patrick for sticking with me that day.

June: Shot my second wedding of the year in June and it was so interesting and also made friends again through it. Amazing, really. And then I went to London, the only place in the world that makes me feel home and secure and happy. I went there with two friends to actually see Ed Sheeran in Wembley. Hell, what a day that was. We stood like 6th row and it was phenomenal. Probably a day I’ll never forget - EVER. Also we were staying in this really nice AirBnb and the hosts name was also Kate which was very funny. On my last day in London, I had a few hours for myself and walked through the city as I always do. My feet brought me to the V&A, my happy place in my happy place. It’s a place where I can think and get my mind off all the bad things that surround me. I was getting inspired by paintings and pieces of fashion - I’ve seen it all a billion times but it keeps inspiring me every time. I was very sad when I picked up my suitcase and made my way to Heathrow to catch my flight. 

July: Probably the month I have the least memories off, because barely anything happened. I just tried to survive with the growing feeling of emptiness and numbness. I probably annoyed all of my friends with my moodswings, I mean I even annoyed myself with it. Shot my third and originally my last wedding of the season and it was meh, but thanks Tascha for making it a great day anyway and we found this really good Italian restaurant near where I live - we need to go there again. Never thought Spaghetti Aglio e Olio can taste THIS GOOD.

August: Favourite month of the year and also my birthday month. August is not necessarily my favourite month because it is my birthday month, but it marks summer for me and I’m a summer person. To me, it has the most beautiful days of the year and I can’t get enough of it. I like the number 8 as well... so yeah.  My August started with a visit to Vienna, where I saw a whole bunch of my friends who did their best to make me feel better (looking at ya @promisedmistake and @uneven-odds ), even though I had a moment, where I kinda fell apart, but I guess that happens. I cherish those days very much, because they were also a big part of the best days of my year. Spending the days by the pool, getting a sunburn, turning like really brown afterwards... having a birthday party for my friend we were all staying with... be reckless for some time, having tons of laughs with those great people, eating good food and some great pizza, drinking delicious drinks, watching “Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again” and just simply having a good time. When I headed back my anxiety hit me really hard again, because I actually left a letter to my father before i left saying many things about myself that are very true to the core but that I have never managed to tell him. He tried to talk to me about it, but then again anxiety hit me so hard that I ran away and we haven’t talked about it ever since.  My birthday came up on August 14th and it was a pretty boring day. Didn’t really celebrate it at all, also was reminded on my real friends who really thought of me that day and how they treated me and wished me a happy birthday. It’s not necessarily the fact they remember your birthday, but to me it’s also the way someone wishes you a happy birthday that shows you how important you are to them.  I also met one of my wedding couples from 2015 (or 2016???) again, because they were expecting a baby! AHHHH! We had always planned to see each other again but we never made it due to our busy schedules and then it finally worked. It was a beautiful summer evening and to be honest, I took many of my favourite images during that photoshoot. The rest of August was pretty calm, started to work in a the pub again more often and well...

September: A game changer month for me in many ways. It was so stressful but so inspiring and a good month for me with a few bad days in between, but that’s just the way life should be, right? I started September with working and then I actually flew to GREECE (yes GREEEEEECE!!!!!) to shoot my last wedding of the season. Okay, I was second shooting it but seriously - best wedding of my entire career. Not only because it was beautifully planned and decorated, but this wedding felt like a freaking friends wedding where I just happened to be. It didn’t feel like work for just one second. Everyone was so kind and so nice and caring, the food was incredible and the photographer girl I went with is probably one of my closer friends now, because we learned so much about each other in those 3 days, insane. What an experience. I also flew business class for the first time and I’m a bit sad that I’m so broke, because that experience was just AWESOME. Luckily, I didn’t have to pay for any of that. I got paid instead. What a dream. When I came back from Greece, everything felt like a dream, because I still couldn’t believe it. I went back working in the pub and then the event I had been waiting for the whole year took place - photokina. Seeing all my amazing colleagues in one place was a very good thing for me and something I needed so bad. Listening to very inspiring talks (Christian Anderl, WHAT A GUY) and seeing my one and only Nadia again was so refreshing and healthy for me, I don’t think these people know how good this was for me and how much I needed it. I spent three days straight on this fair and looked at new gear, tested out new lenses and listened to many inspiring people, as well as shopped some new stuff for my business. I also met some people again that I literally haven’t seen IN YEARS and that was also one of the best days I’ve spent this year. Seeing Lynn and Jan was really something that lit up my mood by a 1000.  What else happened in September? I captured a christening by the end of the month, I went to see my favourite football club (YES FOOTBALL, NOT AMERICAN FOOTBALL OK) in the stadium and something happened I never thought would happen - my love for this one stupid person finally started to freaking FADE. 

October: I don’t like October very much until the 8th, because the 7th is a very ... memorable day for me, where I always feel very bad. Coincidentally the two men I have shared the biggest love for in my life actually were born on this freaking day. Like there were only two.. AND BOTH OF THEM WERE BORN ON OCTOBER 7th ... two years apart from each other but seriously, PLEASE. So that day didn’t turn out to be very well, I spent it in bed and I tried to sleep through it as much as possible. October 9th marks a very life changing day for me, as on Oct 9th in 2006 my little brother was born. I was 12 years old back then and spent the day in an amusement park. I got the news when I came back home in the evening. This year, he turned 12 himself and it’s ridiculous how fast time flies, because I feel nothing like 24, I still feel the same like when I was 14 and yet I can see time run when I look at my brother. He eventually grew taller than me this year and his voice lowered down by an octave already. Like how is this happening.  Other than that, October was a pretty boring month but it opened up the more or less catastrophe in my life that I created myself in April this year. Great. 

November: Even though November isn’t far away time wise, I barely remember what happened in that month, because I actually just lived from day to day, trying to survive. It was a bad month, a really bad one. The only light in that month was probably that I went to see the Mamma Mia Musical.

December: Wow, I don’t even know where this month went. It was shorter than ever before. For the first time in years I actually made biscuits again, like german christmas biscuits. I tried to bring up the christmas mood, but well. Didn’t really work out that much. I ordered a new phone, because my old one is actually dying. And I started to go to the cinema more often again. A real plus side. My anxiety level is probably around 90 of 100 and I am scared of what 2019 holds up for me - like literally. But my number one favourite memory of December and probably also of 2019 is seeing my best friend again after two years. We rarely talk, but she is still my best friend, because I know she’s there when I need her - always.

So in general, I had some pretty good memories this year. I went to see a lot of movies in the cinema, I made some new friends, I went to Greece for a wedding, I lost my love for photography at some point and gained it back at another one, I had a ton of bad days this year, so many that I just stopped to count them and it all felt like a huge blurry mess. 

Thank you 2018 for teaching me and showing me the life I don’t want to have, but I am not strong enough yet to change. 

Just keep swimming.

[bynkii]

Y’all are weak

(this was originally published on Medium on 31 Jan. 17)

Lemme tell you about a hardcore refugee situation, at least for the United States...

As I’ve talked about before in various places, I grew up in Miami. My family moved there when I was three years old. Had my 3rd birthday on the train from Chicago. I joined the Air Force in 1986, and started basic on Halloween of 1986. (Never start basic on Halloween. TRUST ME.)

So I lived in Miami between 1970 and 1986, with a few years in the very early 90s (Fuck You Andrew.)

Which means I was living in Miami in 1980, which was kind of a banner year in many ways. Arthur McDuffie and the Liberty City riots. Y’all don’t even start to try to call the folks not being “nice” to the cops in Fergeson a riot. If that’s what you call a riot, you’re young, or lucky. It was also the year that a union, of all things, led by Lech Walesa started the strikes that would eventually overturn the communist government of Poland.

(Yeah. A union did that. You millenial techies just learning how to organize? Go talk to the unions. They know how to do that shit.)

And starting on April 15th, a little thing called the Mariel Boatlift happened. Between 15 April and 31 October 1980, just under one hundred twenty five thousand people fled Cuba for Miami. According to the 1980 census, Miami had a population of 346,681 in Miami proper, and 1,625,781 in Miami-Dade county overall.

Ponder that for a second. In the space of four months, depending on how you count, a number of refugees between 7% and 35% of the total Miami (Dade) population just showed up. Here, the breakdown from Wikipedia:

None of them were vetted. Shit, Castro was emptying out his jails. You think Trump’s imaginary Syrian terrorists are bad? Do. Not. Make. Me. Laugh. Here, more numbers. Murder Rates in Miami in the 1980s:

1980: 573

1981: 621

1985: 434

Sorry for missing some years, overall numbers are a pain in the ass to find. But I want you to look at something, specifically 1981. 621 murders. in 2016, Chicago, a city with as of 2010, had a population of just under ten million people had something like 762 murders, and people are freaking the fuck out. Miami, just over a tenth the size of Chicago at the time had almost that many murders.

As best I can tell, everyone in my graduating class had seen at least one dead body. Quite a few of us had witnessed the transition. Shit was weird. In the mid 1980s, this happened:

“Consider this real-life scene: A twenty-two-year-old Miami cop encounters a man strolling at dawn in a quiet neighborhood. The man is naked and carrying the severed head of a young woman. He throws the head at the cop — twice. “I killed her. She’s the devil!” the man shouts. What does that young cop say to the people who ask how his day went?”

Excerpt From: Edna Buchanan. “The Corpse Had a Familiar Face.” iBooks. https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/the-corpse-had-a-familiar-face/id381566184?mt=11

Her name was Drew. I never knew her last name. We worked together, along with her roommate, at the newsstand in the Coral Gables Bus Terminal. She was funny, sarcastic, put up with no one’s shit, and tried to help me not be such a dweeb. If I am being honest, I had a crush on her, but I was far too scared to let her know. I think she knew anyway.

One fine day, her boyfriend came back from California with something terribly wrong inside, and she was dead. Didn’t even make the front page. It was pre-cell phone, pre-social media. I didn’t even know it had happened, until I saw her roommate a while later, and we were catching up and I said, “So how’s Drew doing?”

Awwwwkward.

It took me a while to convince her that I honestly hadn’t heard, I didn’t know and oh god, I am so sorry for saying that, even out of ignorance. But think about this for a minute:

A cop and an insane person played “hot potato” with Drew’s goddamned head, and it wasn’t even front page news.

That kind of shit is what happens when someone dumps the contents of their jails on you. Not all prisoners in Cuba were political. Some were just scary. To this day, I can’t watch “Scarface”. Too much of it isn’t exaggeration.

I remember because in the fall of 1980, I started 9th grade, and no one was ready for the change in the school demographics. But it happened. The crime rate skyrocketed, shit was so weird that those of us who grew up in Miami in that time can only really relate to people from NYC in the 1970s and LA in the 1990s.

And, we got through it. We figured it out. We arrested the bad folks, and the good folks were awesome. (There was some interesting things going on between the “Marielitos” and the folks who’d come over in the 1960s. A lot of it was not good.) Along the way, whatever culture I was “from”, a lot of it was Cuban. I didn’t live in some honkie enclave, behind gates, only venturing out in tremulous groups.

Shit, my family didn’t even have a car, I rode the bus, or I walked. And, I wasn’t really messed with. I saw fucked up shit, and I saw amazing stuff. I went to parties on Star Island that I only vaguely remember. I was introduced to a plethora of drugs and mostly ignored it all. I totally flunked out of college, but I don’t feel too bad about it. Ultimately, it was one of the best things that happened to me.

I became a person from a single city that had combined two countries, which is why I think the regular freakouts over spanish is so stupid. Mostly because shit, I don’t even know how to order Cuban food in English. What the fuck even is that? It’s Picadillo y maduros y Materva, not ground beef and spices over rice and fried rotting plantains and Yerba Mate soda. Christ, can you imagine ordering Ropa Vieja in English? “Yes, I’d like some old clothes over rice please.”

Sigh.

The point is, we actually had shit going down for a decade after Mariel. We had a murder rate that was literally multiple times the murder rate of the rest of the country in terms of per capita. We beat NYC a few times. (…yay?…)

What we didn’t do was hide in the fucking closet and cry. We didn’t ban Cuban immigrants. We didn’t tremble before the terrifying might of a fucking five-year-old child.

Jesus, the people who are simultaneously bad motherfuckers and terrified of a five-year-old child are all older than me. You can’t blame the millenials for this, this is all baby boomer shit. Probably some GenX in there, some of us are fucking stupid.

Good thing none of them were on 8th street in the 80s, they’d still be shitting their pants.

Stop freaking the fuck out. If one small southern city and county could survive Miami’s version of the 1980s, an entire fucking country will do just fine in the face of the destructive might of a five-year-old child.

Stop being so fucking weak. This is America goddamnit. If you want to be weak and scared, buy a goddamned island and move there. We’ll call it Wussivania and you can wall it the fuck off from everything. But stop being weak. Ain’t no one got time for that.

[smireyac]

fuck this year man u dont even get cute emojis in the title this time

so lemme just start by saying fuck 2020 

now that we’re on the same page, lets get into it

so i dont have to explain all the reasons why this year sucked bc u just need to google 2020 and there will be a million reasons why it was TOTAL FUCKING GARBAGE...... usually when so many people collectively say a year sucked ass, i can be like “oh it wasnt *all* bad for me, personally” haha not this year!!! 

its super fucking depressing to look at how hopeful and positive i was about 2020 a year ago..... ofc there was no way for me to have known it would all go to shit but i still really appreciate the tone i had set... reading over the previous reflections and seeing how harsh and negative i was @ myself made the softness of last years post super refreshing.... 

now i said i dont *have* to explain all the ways 2020 was shitty, but i am gonna explain the biggest reason this year was shitty for me, personally..... it might seem really small in comparison to the ways 2020 was shitty as a whole on like a global scale? but really the biggest reason 2020 sucked ass was i didnt get to really hang out with any of my friends in real life for 9 out of the 12 months of the year.... and really it was like the first week of march that shit hit the fan so like really it was only 2 months that we got to see each other....... if u rmbr p much every previous retrospective post ive made, there was a big emphasis on friends..... ive come to realize that im actually a very *extra*verted person??? despite my overall shyness and homebody attitude, i would always choose to hang out with people over being alone so stay-at-home orders FUCKING SUCKED??? when we all thought it would be over in a couple weeks, maybe a month it was fine?? hey its a good time to draw or catch up on that reading and/or writing i said i was gonna do maybe even start learning to drive?? it’ll be no big deal THEN it wasn’t over in a month and it wasnt gonna BE over anytime soon and no one important was doing anything about it and its an election year and black lives have always mattered and yet everything is so uncertain and

[inhale]

[exhale]

this year was..... a lot...... too much in fact

in 2018, i had said that i watched vox’s video on the year in 5 mins and cried... if i watched this year in five minutes, i dont think i would be able to breathe...... 

SO instead of making myself CRY..... lets try to think about any GOOD things that happened and think about what we can do to make 2021 good for ourselves:

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED:

-i *didn’t* lose my job!! sad that so many others cannot say the same but im trying to make myself feel *better* not WORSE so i got to keep my job and i actually work more hours than before so!!

-i actually *did* learn to drive this year!!!! and im pretty good at it??? for someone that just started this year anyway?? i probably *would* have my DRIVER’S LICENSE right now if it weren’t for a surge in cases in a certain STATE that i happen to live in......... but w/e its fine i get more time to practice and im ~~**DEFINITELY**~~ going pass my test and get my license ~whenever it is that i can reschedule my dmv appt~

lmfao its so funny that last year, i was absolutely *dreading* learning to drive but i so fucking get why everyone was like ‘you need to learn how to drive’ i legit love it so much???? ive always been a car person but that was like purely for the aesthetic but now that i can drive im just....... WOOOW this really is what freedom feels like.... like ik that public transportation is amazing and i will always champion it but nothing beats being purely in control of your destination.... i also wanted to buy myself a car for my birthday even tho i couldnt really drive yet but then sien had to fix smthg on her car and it was EXPENSIVE AF and my mom was like “u dont need to buy a car yet” so i put the brakes [haha] on that... but soon... once i get my license,,, then i will have u my love................. so with that being “my most serious goal of 2020″ im glad i did it

-i was one of lucky ones and got unemployment when i couldn’t work so i have a lot of money saved in the bank??? pls no one steal my identity i wanna use that money to buy myself a car and/or for when we move out 🤞🤞 we’ll just have to wait and seeeeee....................

-i had mentioned playing dnd last year too and thats been going STRONG as hell thank goodness....... we couldnt keep playing in person but when we moved it to online, not only did we actually get to hang out a lot more, we made more friends??? introduced new people to the group?? its so good and in fact probably the only thing that kept me even a little bit sane this year...... 

-this is more of an honorable mention than an accomplishment but im this 🤏close to catching up with critical role and thats partially thanks to the pandemic lmao sooooo ??? 

aaaaaaand thats p much it lol i didnt really accomplish any of my other goals bc reasons................. but!!! as cliche as it sounds, with a light at the end of the tunnel, im confident that i can turn that all around this year.... so if 2016 was the year of change, 2017 was the year of getting used to shit, 2018 was the year of getting *too* used to shit and 2019 ended up being the year of friends, 2020 was the year of absolute shit and it doesn’t fucking count....... i learned a lot this year, biggest lesson of all is that life is short and if i were to have died at any point last year, what the fuck would i have to show for it??? so usually i end up giving a theme or name to a year after its done but this time im determined to make 2021 into what i want it to be SO i am declaring this year, the year of our lord 2021, the year of new experiences!!!! what the fuck does that mean you ask? well ill tell you!!! im gonna try new things this year!! make a very pointed effort to do things outside my comfort zone?? and for my goals this year, im going back to my old way of making a huge list of stuff u wanna do and seeing how much i can actuallly accomplish!! now i said theres a light but we really dont know when all this shit will end and life will go “bAcK tO nOrMaL” so whos to say ill get to accomplish any of it? at the same time, there are plenty of stuff on the list that i can do within the pandemic set parameters so!! lets see this list!!

2021 GOALS:

[check boxes bc there is no plain box emoji lmao]

☑️ read new books!! i’ll keep last years goal bc i didnt meet it and i have good reads now which tells me i just need to read 1.5 books a month to reach that goal!! huzzah!

☑️ watch new shows and new movies b4 u end up watching shit you’ve already seen a million times... i bought an old planner for 2020 instead of 2021 by accident but i hope it will help keep track of the movies/shows along with the books too!

☑️ listen to new music!! this years spotify wrapped was garbo it only had like 3 albums and a bunch of other shit i always listen to so i gotta fix that lmfao

☑️ write new stories!! i am comforted by the shit ive been writing for the past like 7 years but if my screenplay class taught me anything its that there are a lot of stories to tell and i got so many ideas floating around in this noggin!! instead of an arbitrary word count, why dont i say write idk 3 new stories, start to finish, in whatever medium idc screenplay, short story, comic, twine WHATEVER!! do it!

☑️ eat new food!! lmao this one seems the most silly to me but ive never had indian food, ive never had [not really anyway] korean food, i want to find new restaurants and eat new food!!! yum!

☑️ go on a road trip!!

☑️ visit some place ive never been before!!

☑️ go on a hike??

☑️ go to mexico again

☑️ ride a scary rollercoaster you previously wouldnt have

☑️ go to a club

☑️ get silly drunk fr 

☑️ FUCK IT go on dates!! self date friend dates sister date cousin dates R- Romantic... dates ??? FUCK IT!!! YEAH!! DATE ALL UP IN THIS BITCH!!

☑️ learn to use blender

☑️ animate something 

☑️ make a big painting

☑️ cosplay ???? AHH

☑️ learn to roller skate lmao u bought the skates and were so excited for them!! 

☑️ go somewhere SUPER DARK and go see some real stars!!!! 

☑️ and to top it all off, throw the airbnb house party that we’ve been talking about for MONTHS lmao 

hmmmm,, i think thats a good enough list for now ?? another thing i wanted to accomplish.... that im scared to speak into existence bc then i cant back out of doing it...........and it doesnt align with the whole “new” spirit of 2021 but.......... i want to like start making apartments for rent????? like i want to have something of it to show by, if not the 8th anniversary then by the end of the year HHUFF THERE I SAID IT......... no turning back now.......... 

alright its almost midnight on.... whats this? its already jan. 1st??? lmao yeah fuck it i didnt keep up with anything i normally did this year who cares i made up the rules i can break them too lol  

so yeah 

we’ll see what this year brings us,,,,

hoo boy

[mybabbbbee]

The firsts

First meetup: 7th July 2019. I was pissed off already abt alot of things and didnt at all wanna marry a doctor. Our conversation was very casual. I was the one who talked for the most part.

First time we sat together on one couch: 21st July 19 when it was our baat pakki ki rasm. I tried my best not to touch him.

First time i met him in niqab/on duty: 31st Aug 19 i was in my gynae OT and telling a friend abt how he is in anesthesia nowadays and yikes! There i saw him. He was soo focused on work. So i had to approach him and have a confused conversation. Later worry for 2 days doubting if he liked me or nah.

First gift: 11th Aug 19, we went to their place a day before Eid ul Azha. He had brought gucci perfume for me from Dubai. Mom also gifted him some clothes and a perfume.

First time i heard him play guitar: 11th Aug 19 everyone insisted him to do so. He played alot of songs out of which i knew some. GOT theme song, ab tou aadat si he, bachana were my fav.

First time he held my hand: 24th Aug 19 on our engagement when he held my hand to put the ring on. Lasted for barely 10 seconds and my hands were cold af.

First time he served me food: that too on our engagement. Served me rice.

First time he texted me on my number: 26th Aug 19 i asked aunty for more pictures and he texted me the link. And also asked me to thank ma pa for the watch. Also he made a laughing emoji at the end and i wanted to ask him does he laugh too 😯

First time i added him on snapchat: 28th Aug 19 cuz i was worried he isnt texting me. So he viewed all my stories hehe. And also posted his two days later. He has a score of 65 and i have 44k 🙄

First time i fantasized about him: 4th Sept 19 i was depresses bcs of messed up clg routine so i worked out and took a shower at midnight and afterwards just laid down naked in bed. And then i started thinking abt him and well that was my first orgasm right there.

First time we had a proper conversation: 5th Sept he was sick so i texted to wish him speedy recovery. Dont know if he was in a good mood or if he is always like this. We were talking abt our engagement and he said "tbh there was a lot to compliment" and afterwards he sent me a picture of us and said he liked it. He also asked me to meet him at clg. Not bad right? Couldnt stop smiling the whole time tho.

First time we added each other on facebook: 6th Sept. I set a condition that he'd put an engaged status. I thought he wouldnt but he did. He asked me to do the same too.

First time he made a heart in our conversation: 6th Sept when he called me Ms. SuperSweet. I havent made one yet.

First time he told me he gets horny thinking about me: 8th Sept the day we met and later that night he told me how crazy i make him go. And that he dreamt that we had a little pillow fight and ended up kissing. Gosh its getting hot in here. Also he started making kiss emoji. I havent yet 🤷‍♀️

First call: 15th Sept he was very worried if he'll be able to talk properly or not. It went well. Loved how he laughed.

First sexting: 15th Sept after the call he was soo in the mood so couldnt say no. Felt hot aff. Also had an orgasm.

First time he said 'i love you' on call: 21st Sept when i called him to say goodmorning and he was so caught off guard. And happy. It was a two minute call and i didnt realize he said it untill we dropped it. He said it again later that night.

First time he tagged me in a meme: 21st Sept. It was about money heist.

First time he called from work: 25th Sept. He had to call the night before but he was too tired he fell asleep..i was a lil pissed off so subah he called me from OT, there was some strike going on so he was free..and we talked for like 10 mins. I loved his voice.

First time i heard him having hiccups: 28 Sept we were on call he had a sore throat and then he started having them i made him drink water and distracted him and it worked. We talked for almost three hours.

First time we exchanged some naughty snaps: 1st Oct we were sexting on sc for the first time and i knew i couldnt control myself so i sent him some snaps of me with low neck where he could see my curves. He sent one out of shower too.

First time he snapped me his boner: 5th Oct we got rlly wild, he had two orgasms at night and then i woke him up with a nice bj and he cummed twice again.

First date: 9th oct it was a formal date awkward in the start but turned out to be great. He got me flowers and held the door for me and pulled the chair out, not in the start though but lol it was cute. We talked abt silly things and some serious ones. About making vows to each other. We laughed like mad and took some pictures. He got me gajras in the end and helped me wear them and then he held my hand and we kept it like that till the end. He teased me a lil and gosh it gave me butterflies for a moment. He makes me feel like im perfect, flawless.

First time we held hands: 9th Oct he got me gajras on out way back..then he helped me wear them and held my hand all the way back home..he tease my hand a little and made me crazy. So crazy.

First time we tried call sex: 12th Oct..not entirely though. We just stayed on call and heard each other moan..i felt more closer to him and God it was hot.

First time i wore black with him: 16th Oct it was our second date. He loved the attire, complimented me the whole time.

First song we listened to together: 16th Oct when he was driving me back he played laiyan laiyan and we both were totally in the feels. He said he might play it on our wedding.

First time we made a streak: 16th Oct we decided it on our date

First kiss: 24th Oct we were in car and just madeout for like 10 mins..it was good. Got me wet. Wanted to make his bday special.

First love note: 24th Oct gave him a funny bday card and a note along with it. I hope he likes it.

First birthday celebration: 26th Oct one day after his bday we had a fam dinner after which we cut the cake and i gave him shirts and a perfume.

First time i sat on his lap: 29th Oct he picked me up from a friends place and we were in the backseat making out..i humped against him the whole time.

First time somebody walked in on us: 29th Oct while making out a guard approached us but kher we ran away just in time. He was so concerned id be worried.

First movie we watched together: 30th Oct joker.

First time he felt my boobs from inside my shirt: 30th Oct on our last date before he went to rwp. I felt his cock up too.

First time he gave me a letter: 30th Oct. It was the best day.

First video call: Nov 11. During his 48hr long urology call.

First tcs: 7 Dec. He got his first pay so sent gifts for me.

First time we went shopping: 26 Dec. Got a gift for Abdullah's engagement. And for mama's bday. We both are so easy. Non picky.

First time i made him cum with hj: 26 Dec. He got sooo hot afterwards. He fingered me too.

First event we attended as a couple: 28th Dec. Abdullah's engagement. Although he wasnt there for the most part but i loved how everyone related me to him.

First time he fed me food: 24th Jan 2020 on our nikkah when i wasnt eating and saying i wont unless he makes me..so he did infront of everyone.

First time he gave me a shoulder massage: 24th Jan on our night date hehe

First long drive: 27th Jan had to go to my to be ghar met ammi had a sitting with my mua had lunch then and went back

First halal kissing: felt soooo goood with no guilt. Damnnn i love to kiss him so much. So much sawab loool

First hickey: 27th Jan he got a little hard on me when he was close to his orgasm..and i totally loved it

First time he sucked my nipples: 27th jan 🙈

First grocery shopping: 27th Jan he bought me stuff for my new washroom 😁

First rain date: 27th jan it rained the whole day ❤

First night together: 1st feb after my rukhsati. It was the most magical night and his touch felt soo goood. Sleeping naked with each other and teasing was such a turn on.

First time he served me food: 24th jan on our nikkah hen we were on stage and i couldnt eat bcs of my nails and then he made me.

First time i felt protected with him: 1st feb while our valima shoot was going on and the sun was getting on my face so he stood between me and the sun to put me in shade.

First night at my parents: 2nd feb after our valima. We opened our gifts played ludo and had aloot of fun in bed. Also went to fun city in my desi newly wed clothes.

First meal post-sex: 1st feb he made me a whole plate of biryani at 4am.

First time we ordered food in bed: 4th feb. The burgers were yummm

First time he did my hair: 5th feb while i was getting ready to go downstairs. He just loves side parting.

First time i cried infront of him: 6th feb i just missed my homies so much so i turned away and pretended to sleep and he found out i was crying and became mama bear. It was so good to be in his arms i wont choose another place to be at ever. Then i read their letters while he caressed me all this while.

First time we had real sex: 7th feb just a day before umrah. He was kind of worried he wasnt getting hard enough to go inside so he got some pills and then we did. It was painful for me but i just wanted to get over with this and it was a happy feeling to know we’re finally not virgins.

First oral: 1st feb on our wedding night. Probably the last too

First orgasm: 2nd feb and the following week was full of it

First umra together: 8th feb it was the best time together. How we did tawwaf and saee and made each other recite duas, prayed together, taught him how to bargain,ate alot of yumm food.

First time he made me watch ertugrul: 12th feb

First time he got me jellies: 13th feb while we were going for madinah ziyarat.

First stay away from home: 1st march i went to rwp where he was doing his hj. Got an army mess arranged for me. Stay was great.

First monal date: 3rd march weather was awesome altho he was a little pissed off at me asking to take pictures again and again.

First fight: 3rd march later that night he wanted to have sex but i wasnt wet enough and he started blaming me and saying ive turned him off. It made me cry and confront him abt his behaviour earlier too. He kinda took it seriously and kept saying sorry the whole time and also said “this is the first and the last time i made u cry”. We stayed up till late sharing our thoughts talking abt our future.

First friends hangout: 4th feb his room mate invited us for dinner. Pizza was good everything was until they started talking abt the ex idk why i felt bad. Didnt talk the whole way back.

First bday together: 20th march he gave me a surprise by coming straight from his call for a day.

[buddynotes]

How to Get Over You.

This is the first time that I am going to be honest with my posts. My timeline would be December 2019. By then, regardless... I have happily move on and I can’t wait to look back and realized that all these craziness is just silly and embarassing phase of my life. I am inlove with my husband and he is my focus. I do not want distractions.

But for me to reach that goal. I will have to help myself stay focus. Redirect my thoughts and the need to know what’s going on. Eversince I left Singapore, I have tried several times and failed. I am going around circles. I guess it’s gonna take longer than I hope but I will see.

This is going to be a collection of thoughts on how I should move on and get over whatever craziness I am feeling right now. I do not have anyone to talk to about this so it’s all on me. I can only help myself.

Today is 3rd Jan 2019.

I just read an article about how to know when you let go. I just find it funny in my situation. I have been wanting to let go. My heart and my don’t want to. I guess when I started being busy that’s when I will not think about you.

Today is 4th Jan 2019. I gotta start exercising.

I have been unsuccessful today and messaged. Of course, saw this in green. ✅✅. Lately, these 2 checks had been given me disappointments and heartache. So, again, Facebook will have to be avoided.

I was playing mahjong also when I realized, the feeling of finally winning is always wrong. Decisions that I had done were always wrong. No wonder my life is a series of regrets. Regret is actually a strong and wrong word when it comes to wrong decisions. But it just made me realized. I was always wrong. I was wrong to think that I was the one he was inlove with when he said that something happened and that he was inlove with someone else. All the posts he did are not about me. REGARDLESS... It is a sin. It is wrong. I was wrong.

Today is Jan 5th. I shouldn’t have messaged. “Sometimes it’s just better to let things be. Let people go. Do not fight for closure. Do not ask for explanations. Do not chase answers and do not expect people to understand where you’re coming from” - saw from instagram.

So, there was a response when I woke up. Why is it everytime that happens, my focus is all gone. It doesnt necessarily made my day - although sometimes it does. Im such a loser.

Today is 6th Jan. 2019. Back to work.

Last night was one for the books. For the first time, I think, we just bonded and had a serious chat. I know, I know. This is about getting over. I’m still reaching for that. It will definitely be a big year for me when it comes to that goal.

Today is 7th Jan 2019.

I think I already know what to do. I will start hiking. That’s when I will appreciate where are. Then I will forget you.

Today is 8th Jan 2019.

It’s always been a week since I messaged. Myself is again finding reason to share something to communicate. While the last chat was way good. Better than ever. That doesnt mean, I have crossed a certain border where he can easily opened up. My mind is racing again to want to know some answers like who’s the girl who mentioned that she’s still inlove. Isn’t that a red flag already? Why is my and heart so stubborn. Why can’t it just accept to just be grateful with what you have. Learn to let go. Althougj it’s funny that there isn’t anything to let go... I guess in my situation, it’ll just be about accepting what is. Being grateful. Loving the person who deserves all your attention. Praying and being faithful to God. Focus on things that are productive - literally. Like a baby. Or maybe a course or something else uselful to one’s self. Today, we’re gonna go hiking. My first in Canada.

Today is 12th January 2019.

I am pleased with what I have accomplished so far. It’s been 2 weeks. I am glad. I think it’s gonna be that fast.

Today is 20th January 2019.

I was wrong. Today, I suddenly had the urge to be in touch which is as usual, not a good idea. Everything about this scenario is not a good idea. Not healthy. Nothing good will come out of it. From now on, i will focus on some other things - about making money and gaining self-respect.

Today is 23rd January 2019.

Let’s start all over again. My mind is so full of it again. I will not stop to start again until I am able to fully move on. It’s been a year and it’s about time to stop.

Today is 26th January 2019.

We are back to zero. Yep!!! Will always start again. Until it stops then I’ll just keep on starting.

Today is 30th January 2019.

[remierin-blog]

Rehearsal schedule

Week 1

18th / 19th Jan

Briefing from director

Read-through

I had only experienced the work of John Godber through ‘Bouncers’ which I had performed several years ago as a BTEC student. At that time I had no idea of the astounding impact his work has had on modern British theatre, placing him alongside figures such as Ayckbourn and possibly even Pinter as one of its foremost exponents.

Our director had told us that the author has written into the play the concept of updating and localising the language. This gave us a far clearer run at establishing meaning and subtext from the outset, whilst reading through the script I was amazed at how naturally we all took to the text and script.

Week 2

25th / 26th Jan

Casting

Outlining of concept

This week we got given our parts by our director, I was delighted to receive the part of Hobby, as this was the part I had hoped for and I feel I am suited to the part and will be able to bring the character to life.

We then spoke about the concept of the play and where we wanted to go with it, after much discussion we were all happy and agreed in which direction we wanted to take the play. The play has such depth to it in regards to social class and the education of children, as well as it being written in the Thatcher era, which obviously Liverpool in particular has a personal  connection to, I think with the characters being so relatable in the sense that we have all felt like they do at one point in our lives, none of us come from rich backgrounds or well off families therefor we all felt a personal connection to the play and a need to do it justice

Our first read through was really just for us to get the feel of our characters, because as stated Brandilyn Collins ‘Getting Into Character’ “[you must] determine each character’s specific objectives and motivations” this is essential because you need to know what your character is doing and why they are doing it. 

Week 3

1st / 2nd Feb

Initial blocking

This week we have started to block the first couple of scenes, the scenes are quite rough as of now, which is expected with it being so early on in the rehearsal period. As a company we have all decided that the set is to be minimalistic, as the kids would not be able to have any amazing or extravagant sets, due to the poverty of their school.

Week 4

8th / 9th Feb

Localising

This week we felt it was necessary to focus on putting our own stamp on the play, just like Godber intended people to do. We started to play around with the script, modernizing and localising it, including jokes and comments that only people of Liverpool and that the scouse humor would understand. This made it feel a lot more personal when performing it and we know when people watch it they will feel a personal connection  to it too.

Week 5

15th / 16th Feb

Oggy Moxon

This week we focused a lot on a certain character named Oggy Moxon, throughout the play Oggy will be played by various different people and the person playing Oggy will represent his character by wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled up right over his face. We looked at a certain scene in particular where Oggy says a speech about himself, we thought it would be funny and innovative of us to turn the speech into a rap, we done this by adding a backing track and Dan who will be playing Oggy in this part of the show will be rapping over the music, as well as the rest of us behind him performing choreography we have made up ourselves. The backing track we will be using for the rap is called Hip Hop by Dead Prez. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO6-xLi6Csw

Week 6

1st / 2nd March

Character Development

This week we looked at our character development, as we felt sometimes when we were focusing so much on the show and the scenes, out characters were being neglected a little. With the help of our tutor we worked on our character's emotional honesty, by answering questions such as what do I hold most dear to me? What is the question you’re most afraid to be asked? What would give your life more meaning? What are your life values? Do you live for others or for yourself? And lastly what will you never forget? This helped me a significant amount as it taught me that my character is extremely dependant on her two best friends, although she comes across as quite popular and confident, deep down she is really shy and feels that without her friends she is vulnerable. After reading The Power Of The Actor by Ivana Chubbuck I found that to take my character to the next level I must utilize inner pain and emotions, not tas an end to itself, but rather as a way to win and drive a goal.

Week 7

8th / 9th March

Continuation of first half blocking

This week we carried on and completed the blocking of the first half, for me it is becoming more and more apparent the neglect the kids face from society and the teachers around them, because of where they come from they aren't given many chances, “according to the education secretary Michael Gove ‘Rich, thick kids do better than poor, clever children, and when they arrive at school...the situation as they go through gets worse”, they are just deemed worthless by the government. What also becomes apparent is the intense bond the kids have formed with Mr.Nixon, he actually spends time with them and listens to them which is something that they have never experienced before.

Week 8

15th / 16th March

Ninja scene

This week we worked on a particular scene where Mr.Nixon asks the kids to create a play about corporal punishment, they do this by creating a scene with a french teacher can’t control her class so she calls ninjas that burst into her class and help her, also killing a student whilst they help the teacher. We had so much fun creating this scene, we incorporated lots of choreography and we actually act out the scene whilst various people narrate the scene.

Week 9

22nd / 23rd March

Second act

This week we started focusing mainly on the second act, including the eventful scene where Mr.Nixon kisses his student Gail and Oggy Moxon witnesses it. I felt that this scene in particular showed the age of this play, a teacher kissing a pupil in 1984, when the play was written, may have been seen as acceptable then, but now it is against the law and no teacher would dare to do so. Even though we are modernising the play to suit theera we are in now, we felt that it was such a main focus point in the play and that too many other scenes linked back to it that we had to leave it in, the scene also has many funny aspects including Oggy Moxon which would have been a shame to take out.

Week 10

29th / 30th March

Continuation of second half

This week we started off by doing a full run of where we were up to so far in the play, I think this gace the whole cast a boost as we didn’t realise how far we had actually came with the play. We then went on to finish blocking the second half, completing the blocking of the whole show.

Week 11

5th / 6th April

Re-cap

This week with the whole show being complete we decided to re-cap on certain parts of the play that some people were unsure of, and parts that we wanted to make sure we had exactly perfect, this included the ninja scene and the Oggy Moxon rap, we wanted to make sure that everyone was in time with the music when necessary and in sync. We then went on to do as many full runs as we could fit on, followed by us receiving notes and constructive criticism from our tutor.

Week 12

26th 27th April

Costume and run through

This week we had our costume fittings, the costumes are very simple, with my character just being in a school shirt and black pants the whole way through, even though my character is a girl she is very much a tomboy therefor I felt my character wearing pants and not a skirt would be a lot more suited. We then went on  to perform as many run throughs as possible.

Week 13

3rd / 4th May

Consistent run throughs

This week we got in as many run throughs as possible as everything is set into place now, it is just down to us to rehearse as much as we can before our dress run next week. It was apparent how far we have all come this week when rehearsing, as a cast we have come a long way since when we received the play, in our acting skills as a cast, and as individuals.

Week 14

10th / 11th May

Final Dress runs

This week it was good to finally get into our costumes, I personally felt that this lifted the play to another level which it had not yet reached, I had never felt more like Hobby than what I did this week, I’m so proud of what me and my cast have achieved in a short amount of time, now we are all just looking forward to finally being able to perform it to an audience.

Week 15

PERFORMANCE AT ST. GEORGE’S HALL

To be able to perform in St.Georges Hall was an incredible experience that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, I couldn’t of been happier with how the show went, it was so rewarding to get the feedback we got, it made all our hard work worth it.

Bibliography

BBC - HAVE YOUR SAY: WHY DO POORER STUDENTS ACHIEVE LESS? In-text: (Bbc.co.uk, 2017) Your Bibliography: Bbc.co.uk. (2017). BBC - Have Your Say: Why do poorer students achieve less?. [online] Available at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/haveyoursay/2010/09/why_do_poorer_students_achieve.html [Accessed 4 May 2017].

Website GETTING INTO CHARACTER In-text: (Brandilyncollins.com, 2017) Your Bibliography: Brandilyncollins.com. (2017). Getting Into Character. [online] Available at: http://brandilyncollins.com/books/nonfiction/getting_into_character/ [Accessed 4 May 2017].

[dreadwhoop]

Super Torment Mode Diary - Day 13-15 Recap

Day 13 (Jan 7th)

NOTE - A Golbat Mean Looked me as I was in the Thrifty Supermarket. Since this means I am forced to KO it now the area is considered BANNED until Kahuna is beaten (Like the Self-Destruct Clause). NOTE - I was looking at Isle Evelup as a potential break on my ruleset so...and thus did not develop it. Obviously now I know what it is you can. Route 16 - Slowpoke...x2...x3 ok Zygarde has been reformed! NOTE - Remember - Zygarde is allowed to be used. Just keep in mind if it ends up being your highest levelled Pokemon when you fight a Kahuna it gets instantly boxed and if KO'd boxed too so all the rules still apply. As for going back to reform it into the 50% only if you have collected 50/100 Cells/Cores and can free roam. Onto ULA'ULA MEADOW. Petilil...Oricorio...x2...Pet...

###BREAK###

!!!DEFEATED 33 TIMES!!!

Flailed by a Koala at the end of a long battle I am a bad person. LAKE OF THE SUNNE. Nothing here...for now...

ROUTE 17 - Fearow...Raticate...Ariados...Raticate ok

!!!DEFEATED 34 TIMES!!!

Raticate Beats me - just like last time with my Ibid.

!!!DEFEATED 35 TIMES!!!

Gyarados just didn't have enough punch after avenging Ibid. Note - A Ariados used Spider Web to prevent an escape. I almost killed it but then it killed my Pokemon so I could run away. In other words this would be technically like Self-Destruct and the like so...yeah avoid brush now until Kahuna is beaten. Now at PO TOWN. I turned down Team Skull's offer to heal my team because I'm so much better. Oh wait...

!!!DEFEATED 36 TIMES!!!

Golbat and Raticate sigh. I hate Team Skull sometimes.

!!!DEFEATED 37 TIMES!!!

Team was ASS. I'm being destroyed so hard.

##BREAK###

!!!DEFEATED 38 TIMES!!!

Great way to start this session. Finally stumbled my way into the SHADY HOUSE.

NOTE - Finding the Smoke Ball may in fact circumvent my rules about fleeing from Self-Destruct/Web users since you are able to do this prior to them applying. Natures which force you to stay...if they do...have to continue being ruled as strictly unable to look on routes.

!!!DEFEATED 39 TIMES!!!

Raticates are strong.

!!!DEFEATED 40 TIMES!!!

Guzma finished me off so there's this.

Day 14 (Jan 8th)

Oh apparently my Snowy Sandshrew only evolves via an Ice Stone. Let's do it! COOL! Time to rematch. Got Guzma down this time.

NOTE - Gladion wishes for us to visit a new island. This is NOT a Kahuna battle so it doesn't count as allowing yourself to roam the isles. NOTE - The Trainer Passport Stamps should indicate such. OH NEVERMIND OFFICER NANU IS THE KAHUNA! LET'S DO THIS!

!!!DEFEATED 41 TIMES!!!

Really bad matchups vs Sableye and company. Ground...Dark...Ghost... Thus begins my second wall in this run. Don't take it too seriously but I get bodied a lot here!

###BREAK###

!!!DEFEATED 42 TIMES!!!

Yeah team too low for a Level 38...

!!!DEFEATED 43 TIMES!!!

A level 39 Persian eh...well ok. 2/3 Pokemon down but yeah still gotta win. Also Persian used its Z-Power.

!!!DEFEATED 44 TIMES!!!

Too low-level

!!!DEFEATED 45 TIMES!!!

Tentacool held on like a legend but too low level again. You know what? Since the levels are so high if I don't have a single pokemon above 30 on my team rotation just take the L and try again. So this whole team I have now? A sacrifice team. Yeah it's come to the point I don't even care to nurture them with refresh. Very demoralised.

!!!DEFEATED 46 TIMES!!! NEXT! I'm kinda losing the will to continue this.

!!!DEFEATED 47 TIMES!!! NEXT!

!!!DEFEATED 48 TIMES!!! Jeez...

!!!DEFEATED 49 TIMES!!!

To be fair Mudbray really made work on getting 2/3 down but Persian swallowed it with the Black Hole Eclipse move. NOTE - Mudbray evolved after battle. Got Mudsdale! Too bad I had to Blackout and thus box it. If I lose once more this will be 10 Times, a new record, and I am going to impose a new Rule to denote such an accomplishment.

!!!DEFEATED 50 TIMES!!! Okay Nanu new rule.

NOTE - A New Rule - After 10 losses in a row to a single trainer (in this case Nanu) you can create a CUSTOM TEAM for this one-off situation. Because of the nature of this rule you cannot shuffle the queue in your box but you can get your highest Pokemon out. Any are allowed. No healing of course and the other rules apply just assume you rotated into your ideal team.

Now once you have defeated your opponent box them all as before and then grab the ones next in the queue. Understand? Good.

Oh yeah do note where the Pokemon were before you take them out the BOX! Here's the constructed team I had - sorry for not putting levels down but in general they were low to mid 30s. Haunter I believe was about 28 and thus lowest. Highest I think was either Misdreavus or Decuideye around 35 or 36. Klefki - 2nd row, 5th in, Box 3 Zygarde - 5th row, 1st in, Box 3 Absol - 3rd row, 6th in, Box 2 Misdreavus - 4th row, 2nd in, Box 1 Haunter - 4th row, 3rd in, Box 1 Decuideye - He's LAST in the queue when this is over.

Oh yeah one more thing - You can repeat as many times until you win. Because fuck it.

!!!DEFEATED 51 TIMES!!! I can't even win with a constructed team oh no. Try again.

Oh he heals everything because it's fair. FINALLY.

NOTE - Now I've done the Ula'Ula Trial I can visit the 3 islands I have already seen (Aether Foundation doesn't count you can go back on the boat to return just note when you return back to Aether Paradise you can't roam again until you defeat the next Kahuna). In any event this is great! More Pokemon to hunt and with a Smoke Ball the possibilities are much greater. Onwards!

###BREAK###

I did another Pokemon Checklist and from it grabbed the following: Sandygast, Elekid, and Mimikyu. Passed on Barboach and Sableye since they seem to be on the last island anyways. I also used Sharpedo to break rocks to places I couldn't access earlier. Also picked up an Archen from buying the other fossil.

###BREAK###

After all this remember Sharpedo can break those rocks to get to the island. Also don't forget to go to them Cafes for Battle and the Hano Grand Resort area just to see if anything else has opened up! NOTE - I'm just 1 away from 50% on my Zygarde Cube. Can I find a 50th? Yes - I found a 50th on Route 1 I missed previously. TIME TO UPGRADE ZYGARDE! Of course I'll have to wait until his rotation returns to me.

AETHER PARADISE

Gonna rare candy to get Electrabuzz. Decided to bite the bullet and also Water Stone for a Starmie. I just realised 5 of my 6 pokemon are Gen 1 right now!

!!!DEFEATED 52 TIMES!!!

Lol a Primeape did me in of all things. It's cause Starmie just couldn't take the hit. OH WELL. Lady at the counter after defeating Faba (South of him) heals so no talking to her anymore!

!!!DEFEATED 53 TIMES!!!

Completely bodied and walled by a Muk. What a great day I had. Here's my mental state visualized below.

Day 15 (Jan 9th)

!!!DEFEATED 54 TIMES!!!

Sweeped 1HKO by the Muk. Team was too weak. NEXT! Cool the 3rd Scientist has a Porygon2. It has...Signal Beam...Recover...Recycle... NOTE - Because the Aether Foundation has a PC you can switch Pokemon out then if you have KO'd Pokemon AFTER the initial raid (so past the warehouse section) then you have to swap asap. TORMENT. I PPMaxed Confuse Ray. NOTE - As I've mentioned countless times - if one has their Pokemon healed before you can react to going to a PC then it's allowed to carry on with them!

###BREAK###

Time to meet my 3rd wall in this playthrough who I've heard casuses problems even for people playing normally.

!!!DEFEATED 55 TIMES!!! Guzma's Goliospod's Razor Shell is so fucking potent.

!!!DEFEATED 56 TIMES!!! I had no chance...Emergency Exit into Fell Stinger/Shadow Sneak/Sucker Punch Ariados LOL

!!!DEFEATED 57 TIMES!!! Now I have a sac team. Sigh.

!!!DEFEATED 58 TIMES!!!

NOTE - If I lose one more time I may knock the Rule from 10 losses in a row down to 5. I may revise the strategy so it's like so: Island 1 - Up to 10 Times Island 2 - Up to 10 Times Island 3 - Up to 5 Times Island 4 - Up to 5 Times Final Challenge (Indigo Plateau) - Assign your Team WHAT THE HELL FIRST IMPRESSION MOVE??!?! Yep ran into this at long last. What a defeat.

!!!DEFEATED 59 TIMES!!! Okay Guzma CUSTOM TEAM TIME:

Absol - LAST IN THE QUEUE Klefki - Row 4, 2nd in, BOX 1 Decidueye - Row 3, 2nd in, BOX 2 Misdreavus - Row 3, 1st in, BOX 3 Torkoal - Row 3, 4th in, BOX 3 Haunter - Row 2, 3rd in, BOX 3

!!!DEFEATED 60 TIMES!!!

I fucking hate this mode. Got to the last pokemon but Pinsir took me down.

!!!DEFEATED 61 TIMES!!! I hate this game.

Finally beat Guzma. Now I got to box this entire team. Here I find out Lillie and Gladion are NOT the same person. Now it's time to face This is going to be so funny being bodied now. I have no chance against Lusamine.

!!!DEFEATED 62 TIMES!!!

Lusamine obviously beat me but it's not a Blackout so let's carry on shall we? LOL. Let's get off this Aether Place nightmare and onto somewhere else. Aether Paradise accounted for how many losses? 11? Ula'ula was a hard island to surmount at the end there.

On PONI ISLAND now. At SEAFOLK VILLAGE. The last Island. I must admit - I'm seriously worn from all this. But I will carry on. I just got an Aerodactyl for some reason. Fished up a Wailmer! Got it! Magikarp...x2...x3 k (Shame I never found the Anchor Pokemon. Never knew of it until post-game). Pokemon Centre here has some GREAT TMs. Draco Meteor can be taught at the Pokemon Centre here long as you meet the right conditions. Onwards to PONI WILDS. Pelipper...Gastrodon...x2...Granbull...x2...Pelipper. NOTE - So this is the first time I've seen an Evolution to catch but not the preform. Gastrodon and Granbull are totally ALLOWED to catch but this is because they are exceptional cases. I ran before but explain below I catch them later.

###BREAK###

NOTE - After giving it some thoughts...here's the rule of capturing Evolved Pokemon. If there's no way to get their younger forms other than to breed the older forms then you can get the older forms first provided you do check this is the case. So - Gastrodon and Granbull can join! Exeggute! - I got it! I instantly evolved it to Dragon Exeggutor.

!!!DEFEATED 63 TIMES!!! Ace Trainer with a Sharpedo and a Skarmory.

!!!DEFEATED 64 TIMES!!! Rubbish team.

!!!DEFEATED 65 TIMES!!! Rubbish team.

Got him! Thanks Klefki. Had to rotate out for sacrifices and got a little lucky but a win is a win.

###BREAK###

!!!DEFEATED 66 TIMES!!!

Oh gutted - Klefki got robbed from a crit hitting it and a miss in response.

!!!DEFEATED 67 TIMES!!!

Yeah well the Boss Trainer of this route did me in after weakened by the last trainer. Guess who is back...Zygarde!

!!!DEFEATED 68 TIMES!!!

Ok I didn't do so well there. Zygarde couldn't really hit the Flying-Types. Bad match-up.

!!!DEFEATED 69 TIMES!!! Well I got 1 down :D

Meh I'll just evolve Shelder so it's a Ice Type too as Cloyster.

!!!DEFEATED 70 TIMES!!! Got 1.

I end once again in high-spirits.

At least I'm not playing Omikron.

###BREAK###